#will just spend the rest of the day reading and pretending the real world doesn't exist lol

[swankpalanquin]

oh well i guess i'm waiting again

[solxamber]

Desperate Confessions with: Riddle Rosehearts , Leona Kingscholar

Others: Jamil and Sebek

Riddle Rosehearts

It’s almost dark when you finally step out of the library. The entire campus is steeped in the quiet warmth of the setting sun, casting long shadows and filling the air with a golden glow. You spot Riddle just a few paces away, standing by the ivy-laden wall, seemingly waiting for you. His usual composure is absent, replaced by an odd stillness in his posture, a tension that you can feel even from here.

"Riddle?" you ask, concern coloring your voice as you approach him. He turns, and for a moment, he doesn’t seem like himself. His face is flushed, his gaze intense, almost… desperate.

“You’re here,” he says quietly, almost in relief, though the softness of his words belies a turmoil simmering beneath. "I didn’t expect you to come out this late."

You tilt your head, trying to read the unspoken thoughts in his expression, but he doesn’t give you a chance. “I… need to tell you something.” His voice is tight, as though he’s struggling against himself to form the words. His hands are clenched at his sides, and he looks as if he’s trying to steady his breathing. “It’s—it’s been too much lately, and I don’t think I can keep pretending I’m…unaffected by you."

For a moment, he closes his eyes, and when he opens them again, they hold a vulnerability you’ve rarely seen. "You’ve haunted my thoughts, day and night. Every time I see you, I—I’m left wondering if I’ll be able to speak without… without feeling like my heart will burst. I feel like I’m losing control of myself whenever you’re near.”

His cheeks flush deeper, but he doesn’t look away. "I’m embarrassed by it. This—this lack of control.” His voice breaks, just a bit, and you can hear the self-criticism beneath his words. “I’ve spent my whole life restraining myself, and then you—” He takes a shaky breath. “You come into my life, and suddenly… I can’t.”

Your chest tightens at the rawness of his confession, at the deep-seated need he’s barely holding back. Before you can stop yourself, you close the gap between you, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him close.

Riddle’s breath catches, but he doesn’t pull away. His eyes are wide, a hint of disbelief mingling with hope as he gazes at you, unspoken words trembling on his lips. And in that moment, you realize that there’s no need for more words.

You surge forward, capturing his lips in a fierce, unrestrained kiss. It’s hard, almost desperate, and every ounce of feeling he’s kept bottled up seems to crash over both of you at once. Riddle’s arms wrap around you, and he clings to you as if he’s afraid you’ll vanish.

He kisses you back with the same intensity, almost a little shyly at first, but it quickly deepens into something far more passionate. His hand slips up to cup the side of your face, and you can feel his fingers tremble ever so slightly as he pulls you closer, kissing you like he’s wanted to for far too long.

When you finally part, both of you are breathless, your foreheads resting together as you catch your breath. Riddle’s eyes are shining, his lips swollen from the kiss, his face flushed.

He looks at you with a kind of wonder, like he’s still not entirely certain this is real, and then, almost shyly, he whispers, “I didn’t… I didn’t know it could feel like this.” His voice is soft, reverent, as if he’s savoring each word, the remnants of his vulnerability lingering.

Leona Kingscholar

It sneaks up on Leona, this feeling he doesn't know what to name. At first, he thinks it's just irritation—that persistent gnawing that comes with your endless presence. You’re always around, talking, laughing, pulling him into things he swears he doesn’t care about. He assumes it’s only a matter of time before he finally snaps. But then you’re not there one day, and the world feels off-kilter.

He spends that entire afternoon restless, eyes flickering toward every entrance as if expecting you to walk through it. But you don’t. The gardens are too quiet, his naps too still, and he’s left with a strange emptiness that he can’t shake off.

The next day, you’re there again, and the weight lifts. He scowls when he catches himself relaxing, brushing it off, but it keeps happening. Days pass, and it’s clear—he misses you. This realization grates on him, bothers him in a way nothing else has. How could he, Leona Kingscholar, find himself so wrapped up in someone else?

Then, today, he’s back in his usual spot in the garden, the shade cooling his skin as he lounges, pretending to nap. He can hear your footsteps before he sees you, and he opens one eye as you approach, carrying a basket of food, smiling that soft, familiar smile of yours.

"Thought you’d like something to eat," you say, setting the basket down with that easy grace of yours that makes his chest ache.

And that’s it. That ache in his chest spills over, and he can’t hold it back anymore. It all comes rushing out, like a dam breaking.

"Why?" he says, his voice rougher than he intended. "Why do you keep coming here, even when I’ve given you every reason not to?" He’s sitting up now, leaning toward you, the intensity in his eyes making you blink.

He huffs, a bitter smile tugging at his lips. "I thought you were a nuisance at first. Always hanging around, always in my space." His voice drops lower, rougher, almost as if he’s frustrated with himself. "But the truth is… I’m the one who’s a mess without you. You leave, and everything just… feels wrong."

There’s a pause, and he looks down, jaw clenched, hands clenched in his lap. "I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but I don’t care anymore. All I know is… I want you here. Always." He raises his gaze to yours, the desperation flickering in his eyes a vulnerability that catches even him off guard.

Your heart swells, and as his words sink in, a smile breaks across your face. Tears well up in your eyes, unbidden, but you can’t help it. Before you know it, you’re leaning in, cupping his face, and pressing your lips to his in a kiss that’s as gentle as it is profound. The warmth of him, the rough texture of his skin against yours, grounds you, and you kiss him deeply, tasting the intensity of his feelings, the rawness he’s bared just for you.

As you pull back, his thumb brushes across your cheek, catching a stray tear. He leans forward, pressing a lingering kiss to your lips, his own lips brushing lightly against the salt of your tears. "Even that," he murmurs, his voice a soft rumble, "even the taste of you like this… I want it all."

And you hold him close, feeling his steady heartbeat beneath your palm, realizing that this is where you both belong.

Masterlist

[jibunbosh]

Mesmerizer is a satire of TikTok, YouTube Shorts, and the rest of the modern short-form vertical video format

A brief thematic analysis.

I'm sure there are countless people already interpreting the imagery and details in this wonderful song & MV, like here and here, so I won't spend too much time retreading that ground. Miku and Teto are dancing. Miku gets hypnotized. Teto signals for help, but gets hypnotized at the end as well.

That part is obvious enough, but that's still pretty surface-level. What is this seemingly hyperspatial horror scenario supposed to mean to us?

While checking to see if anyone before me's already come to the same conclusions as I did and if I should bother not writing this text post at all (lol), I came across udin's great analysis video. She comes to the conclusion that the song tackles themes of disillusionment with reality and the ways we indulge in escapism to relieve ourselves of the pains of the world.

I agree with that reading! From practically the very beginning, we have Miku call to us - the viewer - to push away our true feelings. Teto comes in to peddle a solution, inviting us to surrender and empty our minds - in her words, "pretending to know nothing."

You, the viewer, are a critical character in this masquerade. For nearly the entire video, Miku and Teto's eyes are unfailingly trained on you. Or, well... perhaps they can't actually see you, but they can see a camera, or whatever other aperture the point of view is supposed to be from. And they know they're being watched. (Who else would Teto be sending distress signals to?)

Let's put a pin on that for later.

udin notes very early on that Miku and Teto are, conspicuously, kept in vertical frames - very similar to the video formats of TikTok (and Instagram Reels, and YouTube Shorts, and whatever other clones of the format exist.) You know, just like the animator Caststation's Rabbit Hole fan MV that went viral some months ago.

Hey wouldn't it be crazy if the song's producer, 32ki, released Mesmerizer shorts too haha. Wouldn't that be crazy.

Wow, wild.

These short-term vertical videos are captivating & alluring. If you're reading this, it's more likely than not that you've also found yourself caught up in them at least once, scrolling through the infinite algorithmic slurry and forgetting about the real-life issues you have at hand. Would you say, then, that you felt hypnotized? Mesmerized, even?

And so these two invite us to join their world and focus on the... uh... rectangle.

Their dances are repetitive, following the same loop. Their outfits are distinct, but their choreography isn't. They're copying the same formula, repeating it ad nauseam to the best of their ability.

They're doing a fucking TikTok dance.

Back to the pin I told you about earlier, with Miku and Teto looking at a camera.

Miku sways with the camera, eyes looking directly at it like a swinging pocket watch. She's been looking at it the entire time, after all. We've been seeing her via our screen this entire time, but, again, she doesn't necessarily see us. She's beholden to the camera, which she dances for day after day, caught up in its spell. She's hypnotized by it. Eventually, she breaks.

Teto, on the other hand, resists. For a while, anyway.

Despite her being the one jumping to us with the "solution" at the beginning of the MV, there's very quickly good reason to question how much agency she has in this. She dances for the camera as well, but she doesn't want to. She's signalling for help. She wants out.

Many content creators (as much as I personally loathe the non-specificity and soullessness of the term) have struggled with the adaptation to the short-form video format, and the preference the algorithm has had for these captivating, bite-sized videos. They're catchy, and easily drive up metrics. Practically anyone who's publishing their work via video format online needs to learn to adapt or fall behind, even if that means whittling their content down to fit the frame, the time, and people's shortening attention spans. Sometimes, that means compromising on specificity and completeness... or, in other words, the true representation of a full work.

The song's writer, 32ki, has been releasing songs on YouTube for several years. Their first YouTube Short, however, was posted only a year ago: a short, whittled-down segment of their previous song, CIRCUS PANIC!!!, hoping for it to win the ProsekaNEXT song contest. It was their first song to achieve widespread popularity and hit a million views.

The shorts, however, aren't the "true" versions of the song. The full song just won't fit.

We're being mesmerized as consumers of this endless stream of content, rather than appreciators of music and art. However, that relationship isn't completely symmetrical across the plane that is the 4th wall. Miku and Teto are trapped not by their attention spans, but by a compulsion to project their "truthful acting" and peddle that window into a colorful, problem-free world.

We, as the collective audience, need not dwell on any one thing for too long - we need only swipe, and move on to the next video. However, Miku and Teto are trapped behind the screen for eternity, day after day.

They're the only characters we get to see, of course. There's no evil 3rd voice synth character that's plotting to keep them trapped in there. We can't put a face to whatever force is hypnotizing them and trapping them behind the screen. It's faceless - like the inscrutable algorithms of YouTube recommendations or the TikTok For You page, or the impersonal corporations that develop & maintain those aforementioned apps. Miku and Teto's likenesses, on the other hand, are being exploited and extracted from for their entertainment value, being strung along by that metaphorical hypnotizing force like puppets on a string.

Many people, represented by Miku, enjoy their success on such platforms. It's freeing and liberating to throw oneself wholeheartedly into such an endeavor, of course! Others, represented by Teto, harbor their doubts of the emotional veracity of such a medium, but know they have little choice lest they face destruction... perhaps not literally as a person, but as an idea.

Wouldn't it be easier just to let oneself be swept away by it and give in?

[derangedanomaly]

i'm not that good at comfort, but i'll try.

! if you don't wanna read it all, just skip to the end !

hi. it's that one anon that always puts "a nobody / someone who cares <3" at the end of their messages (I don't really have an anon name, sorry).

i get it. it hurts knowing and thinking you don't fit in the world, and the characters that you want to comfort you just aren't there. it hurts like shit.

but we can't do much, can we?

take it from someone that barely leaves their room, sits on a chair and daydreams most of the time, and is slowly loosing their grip in reality--you have to face it, you need to live in the real world sometimes. people in the real world care about you, and staying on the internet and in your head in the fake world will hurt those relationships. I think the most important thing you could do is separate fiction from the real world. it hurts knowing you can't make up your own world and mold it to make you fit in like a puzzle piece, but we can't do anything.

i know you feel like you don't belong anywhere, but that's not true. you belong somewhere, you just haven't found it. it doesn't have to be a physical place! but pretending you're in a world that doesn't exist for the rest of your life hurts. it hurt me. I'm distanced from the people who actually care about me because of the internet and living in my head.

it's fine to have a fantasy world in your head, but please try to keep one foot in the fantasy world and the other in the real world. don't drift away like I did.

i'm really sorry if this sounded rude. that wasn't my intention. I'm just worried because I know what happens if you're trapped in your head.

summary if you don't want to ready my shitty attempt at comfort

~ you can't live in a world that doesn't exist for the rest of your life. you'll just be left behind in the real world, and it'll hurt. try to separate fiction from the real world. I know you feel like you don't belong anywhere, but trust me, you do! so many people here care and love you, and we'll continue to! don't end up like me please ~

~ a nobody / someone who cares <3

Thank you for your words!

It's not like I'm constantly day dreaming or something, I just literally don't fit in anywhere. I spend my time at school reading at recess alone while everyone talks with each other. I had only one friend at my school, which will be leaving me soon (switching schools), so now... I'm pretty much friendless irl.

It doesn't help that I have a severe social anxiety.

[cheerscoops]

Wherever You Point To I’ll Find ~ Steve Harrington x Chrissy Cunningham

Nobody expected a budding romance between Steve and Chrissy when they were invited on this graduation road trip. But, as the two spend more and more time together away from the pressures their families, they just might find that they’re the perfect match.

masterlist | prev. | next

Tags: modern au, road trip, mutual pining, fluff, angst, discussion of mental health and body issues, eventual smut, adult themes and swearing throughout

Word Count: 8.7k

A/N: Perhaps the best part of writing this chapter was the bit that came afterwards when I got to hear @quinnkeerys read it out loud and react to it in real time. This chapter has some of my very favorite bits of the story in it, and I hope you all love it as much as I do <3

In the morning, the group ate a quick breakfast at the hotel before checking out and loading up the car. They had a long drive to Cincinnati ahead of them once they factored in the two hour detour to the World’s Largest Rocking Chair since Eddie insisted that it wasn’t a real road trip if they didn’t see the World’s Largest Something, and they wanted to get on the road as soon as possible so they could combine that detour with a stop for lunch.

Of course, getting Eddie out of bed early enough to stay on schedule meant that he was not ready to face the day when they got in the car. Soon enough, he was dozing off in the backseat, and Nancy fell asleep cuddled up next to him. The silence in the car was deafening, and it only left Chrissy to obsess over every little interaction she’d had with Steve.

It was bad enough that she'd fallen asleep on him the night before, and it only got worse when they'd left the hotel. Steve had put his arm on the back of Chrissy's seat when he'd turned to back out of their parking space, and she'd come close to swooning. She felt like a silly little school girl with a crush, and it was embarrassing. She'd just graduated. She should be over obsessing about this kind of thing by now.

But every time she'd talked herself down from the blushing mess that she'd become, Steve smiled at her as he offered her the aux cord or asked her if the air conditioning was too cold for her, and she was right back at square one again.

She was considering pretending to fall asleep just so she could avoid looking at him when he spoke up.

"So, Jason Carver, huh?"

And just like that, her butterflies were gone. Instead, she could feel the anxiety eating away at her. That horrible, gnawing feeling that appeared whenever anyone mentioned him or wanted her to talk about him. She'd gladly spend the rest of her days as a giggling idiot, embarrassing herself in front of everyone she met if it meant that she never had to hear that name ever again.

"I will literally give you every last cent in my account if you promise to never bring him up around me," she told him. She started picking at the frayed edge of her shorts and avoided looking away from her lap.

"Bad breakup?" he asked.

"Among other things."

"I'm sorry. I won't bring it up again."

"Don't be. It's not your fault . . . You know, he never had a nice thing to say about you."

Chrissy regretted bringing up Jason's opinions of Steve immediately. There was no reason for him to know about that, and now she was going to ruin any chance she had of things ever not being awkward between her and Steve all because she didn't know when to shut her mouth.

"I barely remember anything he said," she told him in an attempt to backtrack and erase her last statement. "I tended to tune him out when he got like that, and you're very obviously nothing like he said you were anyway. He just wasn't your biggest fan."

Steve huffed out a laugh and shook his head.

"He was always like one of those yappy little ankle-biting dogs," he told her. "Just loud and annoying and so desperate to make people pay attention to him. I never really liked the guy either, so whatever he said about me doesn't bother me. If he needed to try to bring me down to make himself feel better, it says a lot more about him than it does about me."

"So you're not mad at me for bringing it up?"

"Not even a little bit."

Chrissy was finally able to relax for a minute. She let out a sigh as she turned slightly to look out her window.

"I wish it was that easy for me to just not care about what other people thought of me."

She said it quietly enough that she didn't know if she was saying it to Steve or to herself, but he still heard her.

"It'll get easier for you now that you're hanging out with the right people."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

She offered up a small smile. Maybe he was right. Maybe being on this trip and spending her time with people who didn't expect a certain image from her was exactly what she needed to start brushing the harsh words off her back.

"Since talking about that is off the table, I have to ask," he started to break the silence. "How did you and Eddie start hanging out? I've come up with maybe half a dozen theories and none of them seem plausible."

"He never told you?"

"All he's ever said is that you were one of his little lost sheep, and you ended up being his favorite of the flock. Whatever that even means."

Chrissy stifled a laugh.

"That sounds like something he'd say," she replied. "And honestly, it's not even that inaccurate."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously. It was maybe a little over a month into my freshman year, and auditions for the first play of the year were after school. I stayed after my last class ended and went to the drama room to get started on my English homework while I waited for auditions to start. Eddie came in and found me sitting on his throne with my nose buried in my copy of A Midsummer Night's Dream. He immediately pointed out that I was sitting in his spot and that most freshmen were smart enough to avoid the school freak. I was terrified."

"You were?" Steve asked. "I can't imagine being scared of him."

"Well yeah. That's because you're you, and you know him. I'd barely been at the school, I'd never met him before, and I'd already seen him give three speeches while standing on top of his table at lunch. He was the most intimidating of all the upperclassmen to me. So I'm just stammering and trying to explain that I didn't know it was his spot, and of course, he could tell that I was scared. When he really realized it, it was like a switch flipped. He sat down on the armrest and his whole demeanor changed. Made some comment about how I was shaking like a little bunny rabbit and asked me to scrunch up my nose so he could get the full effect. Used the overdramatics that I'd seen in the cafeteria to make me laugh until I was at ease around him. Once he could tell that I wasn't afraid of him anymore, he told me that he guessed it was okay if I sat on his throne for the time being, but if he ever caught me there again, he'd pick me up and move me himself.

"I didn't even realize that he was part of the drama club until auditions started. We were paired to read together a couple times during the auditions, and the director kept commenting about how we had this natural chemistry that she hadn't been expecting. 

"When the auditions ended, I couldn't get a hold of either of my parents to come and pick me up, and none of my friends were in the drama club, so Eddie offered me a ride. After that, we were cast opposite each other as the sort of leads in the play, and the rest is history. We've been practically inseparable ever since."

“So, he essentially adopted you?” Steve asked.

“Kind of?” she said with a laugh. “Adoption feels like the right term. I consider him and his uncle as family at this point, and I’d like to think that they feel the same way. I know that our friendship makes no sense to anyone looking in on it from the outside. We’re so different, and we traveled in completely opposite social circles for the entirety of high school. On paper, this friendship shouldn’t work, but Eddie is the only person I’ve never felt like I had to hide the real me from. He’s the big brother I never wanted and the best friend I’ve ever had.”

“That’s actually kind of sweet. I’ll be sure to tease him relentlessly for it.”

“Be prepared for the most overly dramatic reaction you’ve ever seen from him then.”

“I don’t think he can get any more over the top than I’ve already seen him. You forget that I also spent four years in high school with him, and I saw many many lunchroom outbursts over the years.”

“Oh yeah? During the first play my junior year, one of the new freshmen assumed that Eddie and I were dating because of how attached at the hip we were all throughout rehearsals. After opening night, the kid asked him if he was going to take me out on a special date to celebrate our performance. When he asked the kid what he meant, his response was that obviously we needed to celebrate as a couple for putting on such a good show. He spent maybe fifteen minutes running around backstage making vomiting noises and moaning about how he could never date his sister. I was laughing so hard that I started crying, and Eddie yelled that the kid was tearing his family apart. It’s one of my favorite and most ridiculous memories from our friendship.”

“Wait. People actually thought you two were dating?”

“You know how Eddie is. Personal space has no meaning to him, so he’s always been an affectionate and physical best friend. Lots of hugs and sitting practically on top of each other and hanging off of each other for no reason. He was my ride home every day until I started driving, and even when other friends tried to make plans with either of us, Sunday afternoons were always specifically reserved for us to spend time together. It’s always been an unwritten rule of our friendship. Put all of that together, and I can maybe see why people thought that there was something more going on there. Plus, when he first started flirting with Nancy, I had to spell it out to her that we weren’t a couple, and he was actually into her. She was convinced we were seeing each other, and she’s maybe the smartest person I’ve ever met. And, for the record, half the school thought Robin was your girlfriend for similar reasons until one of the football players cornered her in the bandshell before one of the games and asked her how she bagged Harrington. She yelled that you two were platonic with a capital P, and then threatened to shove her trumpet up the nose of the next person who insinuated that you two were into each other.”

Steve choked on his laughter, and Chrissy felt a little sense of pride that she could get that reaction from him even if she was just repeating something that one of his friends had said. And with Steve laughing, she couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

Their laughter woke up Eddie and Nancy, and the group decided that they were close enough to the World’s Largest Rocking Chair that they could find somewhere to stop off for lunch before finishing the last little bit of the drive there. Nancy pulled up an interesting looking diner up on her phone and directed Steve on which way to go.

It was only once they were inside the diner and being led to their table that Chrissy realized the seating dilemma. Up until this point, they’d sat at open tables or outside where she’d still have some semblance of personal space no matter who she was sitting beside. But this time, they were given a booth. Eddie slid in on one side and pulled Nancy to sit down beside him leaving Chrissy no other option than to sit beside Steve. Normally, this wouldn’t have been an issue for her. She could share a booth with a friend like that easily. She’d done it with Eddie anytime that they went out with the other drama club kids, and she’d done it with other cheerleaders during many different hangouts. But Steve was different. With the beginnings of a crush making her already feel so incredibly awkward around him, the idea of being trapped between him and the wall with no escape route both scared and excited her.

She slid into the open side of the booth, and Steve followed after her. Their knees bumped under the table as he took his seat, and Chrissy felt her heart skip a beat. She busied herself with staring at the menu in front of her in the hopes that finding a decent lunch option would be enough of a distraction from being this close to Steve that she could act normal.

She shouldn’t have been worried though. She was sitting across from Eddie, and her best friend was always up to something that would keep her from dwelling on whatever she was wrapped up in for too long. This time, he was very enthusiastically ordering a drink off of the kids’ menu and making sure that this was allowed even though he was in fact a twenty year old man and not a six year old.

“What’s so special about a Shark Attack?” Chrissy asked after their waitress had walked away with their menus to place their orders.

“You’ll see when it gets here,” Eddie told her.

She didn’t have to wait very long because the waitress returned shortly with their drinks. The only visual difference that she could see between her glass of ice water and the drink in front of Eddie was that his drink also had a tiny plastic shark sticking out of the ice and floating on top.

“Oh, I get it,” she said. “It comes with a toy and they make it look like it’s crashing out of the water.”

“That’s not the best part. Just watch.”

Nancy and Steve shared a look and an eye roll as Eddie carefully lifted the shark out of his glass and started softly singing the Jaws theme song, but Chrissy was captivated. Eddie plunged the shark headfirst into his drink as he made the accompanying shark attack noises, and the grenadine that was hidden in the shark’s mouth spilled out into the drink turning his Sprite red as if it were the ocean and the shark had just attacked someone and spilled blood.

As soon as she realized what was happening, Chrissy started giggling. She’d never been allowed to order anything like that when she was a child. Her mother always said that anything like that on the kids’ menu had too much sugar, so she had no idea that’s what was to expect from Eddie’s drink. The performance that he put on only enhanced the experience, so she couldn’t help but laugh.

Eddie was beaming at Chrissy, happy that he’d been able to pull such a reaction from her, and normally, Nancy’s attention would have been on the two of them as well. How could she not be paying attention to her boyfriend when he was making a spectacle of himself? This time, however, she found herself glancing over at Steve, and she found that he was entranced by Chrissy, too. He was just sitting there and watching her with this goofy smile on his face, and the inkling that she’d had the night before about there maybe being something starting between them only grew stronger.

Truthfully, it was the first time that Steve had looked at Chrissy that way. Maybe he didn’t notice it before because he was laughing just as hard as she was back in the car, but she was absolutely beautiful when she laughed. She scrunched up her nose, her shoulders shook, and her smile was maybe the biggest he’d ever seen it. If he could, he thought he’d maybe spend every moment with her trying to get her to look that happy for as long as he knew her.

He pulled himself away from those thoughts as quickly as he could though. She’d just implied that her last relationship wasn’t exactly the greatest, and from what she’d said when Eddie brought up making herself a dating profile, it didn’t seem like she was ready to get herself involved with anyone else right now. He didn’t even know if what he was feeling right now was attraction. All he knew was that the little voice in the back of his head was telling him that he’d never grow tired of seeing her smile.

After lunch, they made it the rest of the way to the World’s Largest Rocking Chair. Unfortunately for Eddie, there was no actual way for anyone to sit on the chair, so they had to be content with just taking photos of themselves posing in front of it.

“All I’m saying is that it wouldn’t have hurt anyone if you guys had let me try to climb up there myself,” Eddie pouted once they were back in the car.

“Except it would have hurt someone,” Nancy told him. “Specifically, you when you fell and broke every bone in your body, and I refuse to explain to your uncle why we had to cut our trip short and bring you home in a full body cast.”

Eddie didn’t have time to retort because it was at that moment that someone cut them off in traffic, and Steve had to slam on the breaks. Chrissy tensed up and braced herself for the yelling. Whenever anything like this happened when she was in the car with Jason, he spent the next five minutes honking his horn at the person who cut them off and yelling about how they needed to get their head out of their ass and learn to drive. The reaction to the offense always scared her more than anything else, and she was ready to fold in on herself until she could calm herself down from it.

But the yelling never came. There were no loud noises, and Steve didn’t lean on the horn for an extended period of time. His only reaction was to mutter something under his breath about the driver being a jackass before checking to make sure if everyone was okay. Nancy and Eddie were fine in the backseat, but when he glanced over at Chrissy, she was wide-eyed and stiff as a board.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked.

Chrissy nodded slightly.

“I thought you were going to yell,” she said barely above a whisper.

“I’m not gonna yell,” he said as he reached over and placed a comforting hand on her knee. “I promise.”

At first, she seemed to tense up even more under his touch, but after a moment, he felt her relax as the tension left her body.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked her again.

She nodded again, and he squeezed her knee slightly before withdrawing his hand.

“Thank you.” 

Her voice sounded so tiny, and Steve couldn’t tell if it was because of the car that cut them off or whatever it was that was going on inside her head. He just knew that he never wanted her to look that scared around him ever again.

From the backseat, Nancy and Eddie shared a pointed look. They’d have to discuss this when they had a little more privacy. Neither of them could deny that there was some sort of electricity buzzing in the air between Steve and Chrissy, and Nancy was very interested in figuring out what was going on.

The rest of their drive to Cincinnati passed without any major incidents, and the group was able to enjoy their dinner at a normal hour. After they were done eating, Nancy mentioned something about them passing a cute little ice cream shop about five minutes before they made it to their dinner spot, and they should head back that way and get some dessert before heading to their hotel for the night.

Nobody was going to turn down ice cream - even Chrissy who could be content with a single scoop of plain vanilla if they didn’t have any low fat options - so they piled back into the car to head over there.

Once inside the ice cream shop, Eddie made a point of asking for samples of the six different flavors that he was interested in trying just so he could be sure that he chose the right flavor.

“What are you gonna get?” Steve asked Chrissy as he nudged her with his elbow.

“I don’t know. Probably just vanilla.”

“Nope. Absolutely not.”

“What do you mean nope?” she asked with a small giggle. “You can’t dictate my order.”

“Plain vanilla is too boring.”

“But I like plain vanilla.”

“C’mon, Chrissy. You’re on vacation. Live a little.”

Chrissy scanned the ice cream case in front of them. Nancy still had to order before it was her turn, so she had a little bit more time to change things up if she really wanted to. A few flavors stuck out to her, but she was a little overwhelmed by the options. Add in the fact that her mother would be losing her mind over her even thinking about choosing something so rich, and it was going to be a difficult decision to make.

“Okay, then what are you going to get if you know so much?”

“Mint chocolate chip. It’s superior to all other flavors.”

“You go before me then. Give me a little more time to decide since you’re forcing me to change my order.”

“I’m not forcing you to do anything. I’m just trying to be a good influence and get you to enjoy your vacation to the fullest.”

Chrissy waited behind Steve as he ordered his double scoop cone of mint chocolate chip, and when it was her turn to order, she chose a single scoop of salted caramel pretzel in a cup. Steve was right. It was her vacation, and she was allowed to have a little treat if she wanted. They had so much planned for the next day that she’d burn off all the calories from this ice cream and then some, so there was no way her mother could get mad at her for a small indulgence.

“That’s not vanilla,” Eddie pointed out when Chrissy sat down at the table that he, Steve, and Nancy were already occupying.

“I know.”

“But you always get vanilla,” he continued. “I’ve never seen you get anything other than plain vanilla.”

“I’m on vacation,” she said with a small shrug of her shoulders. “I’m living a little.”

Steve smirked and nudged her with his elbow.

“Oh, you hush,” she said as she giggled and nudged him back.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah, but I know what you’re thinking.”

“I’m just glad you listened to me is all.”

“You know,” Nancy started, “it makes sense that Steve would be the one to get you to try something new. He’s kind of an ice cream expert.”

“He is?”

“Oh yeah,” Eddie continued. “He’s even got the little uniform to prove it.”

“What am I missing here?” Chrissy asked.

“You don’t know?” Nancy asked before turning her attention towards Eddie. “How have you never taken her there?”

“Completely slipped my mind. Usually, we just hang out at the trailer or the school. I’m only ever over there when I need to go to the music store or we’re bothering Steve. There’s no other reason to be there.”

Steve groaned. “Do we really have to talk about this?”

“Absolutely, we do,” Eddie replied. “I mean, we’re in an ice cream shop. I can’t think of a more appropriate place for us to be talking about this.”

“Can someone please fill me in on it then?”

Steve looked up at the ceiling and let out an exasperated sigh.

“Do you remember that ice cream shop in the mall?” he asked her.

“Kind of? I can’t say I’ve ever been there, but isn’t everything sailor themed with super dorky puns for the flavor names?”

“Scoops Ahoy. I kinda worked there for the last year.”

“Well, that explains why the other cheerleaders wanted to spend so much time there.”

“And you didn’t go with them?” Nancy asked.

“I don’t really eat a lot of sweets.” Chrissy stared down at her hands in her lap. “And I always figured that there was no point in going if I wasn’t going to be buying anything, so I skipped those hangouts.”

She neglected to add that the main reason she didn’t go to most of those hangouts was because of the things she’d heard from both her mother and Jason about spending time at the ice cream shop. Jason had always been more subtle in his cruelty, but whenever Chrissy had mentioned that the girls were planning on getting ice cream after a game, he’d always had something to say about how it was fine if the other girls wanted to do it, but questioned if Chrissy really wanted to have to have an extra work out session over something as silly as a little S. S. Butterscotch. Even if she had been thinking that it was maybe okay for her to get a treat, his comments always left her feeling undeserving.

Steve was too busy being grateful that Chrissy had never seen him in that goofy sailor getup to realize how quiet she’d just gotten. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed that he had worked there. He’d gotten over that a while ago. Now it was just some job that he’d had to suffer through and was glad to be rid of it now that he’d finished his last shift there. It was just easier for people to still think he was cool if they hadn’t seen him as an ice cream-slinging sailor, and part of him hoped that Chrissy thought he was maybe just a little bit cool. 

Those hopes were dashed the second she spoke again.

“So, who has pictures of Steve in uniform, and when can I see them?” she asked.

“Absolutely not,” Steve replied. “You have to earn the right to see those pictures.”

“And how would one go about earning that right?”

“For starters, you could give me a taste of your ice cream,” he said as he reached for her cup. “Which only seems fair since I’m the one who convinced you to get something interesting.”

Chrissy moved to hold her ice cream out of his reach. “I don’t think so. If you wanted to try a new flavor, you could have gotten something other than mint chocolate chip.”

“But what if I wanted my favorite flavor and to try something new?”

“I mean, Eddie had like six different samples before he made his decision. You could have done that, too.”

“C’mon. Just one little taste and maybe I’ll let them show you one picture.”

He wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her closer to him on the bench seat that they were sharing in an attempt to be able to reach her ice cream better. Having him hold onto her like that caused her brain to short circuit, and by the time she realized what was happening, he’d already stuck a finger into her cup. Just before he was about to stick his finger in his mouth, she grabbed his wrist and accidentally made him swipe the ice cream across his own nose instead.

“I am so sorry,” she told him through her giggles. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

Part of her thought that maybe she should go and grab him some napkins or something, but she couldn’t will herself to move. His arm was still wrapped around her waist keeping her pressed up against his side, and the part of her that was harboring a crush on him wouldn’t allow her to get up.

Eddie started to say something, but he was cut off by Nancy gripping his thigh under the table. She shot him a look in an attempt to silently let him know that she wanted to see how this was going to all play out.

Across the table, Steve still had his arm wrapped around Chrissy, and neither of them were making any moves to do anything about the ice cream smeared on Steve's face. Chrissy could feel her face heating up from the intensity of the eye contact that they were making. It would have been so easy for her to just wipe it off his face herself, but she couldn't bring herself to cross that boundary. Which only made her start to think that she was being ridiculous. What boundary was left in this situation when he was still holding her so close? She was making things so awkward by not saying anything or moving, and surely, he was going to avoid her for the rest of the trip.

On the other hand, Steve was starting to think that Chrissy's silence meant that she was uncomfortable. He'd made things awkward by trying to steal her ice cream, and she was too polite to tell him off. She was probably sitting there thinking he looked like an idiot with that smear on his nose, and that's why she couldn't tear her gaze away from his face.

Steve's arm retracted from its spot around Chrissy's waist, but she didn't even have time to register that she missed it because he had chosen to wipe away the ice cream by lifting up the bottom of his shirt to use it as a napkin. Seeing the exposed skin of his chest had her thinking about him half-naked again, and she was trying very hard not to think about that as it was.

To keep herself from staring, Chrissy got up from her spot and went to grab some napkins. As he watched her rush away, Steve couldn't help but think she was desperate to put some space between them and the awkward situation he'd created.

But, when she came back to the table, she sat right back down next to him like she had been before. She handed him a couple napkins, and then produced a second spoon for her ice cream. She scooped up a little bite and held out the spoon for Steve.

"You really don't have to do that," he told her.

"I know. But I feel bad that I essentially shoved ice cream up your nose, so I think I can spare a little taste. Just this once."

Steve thanked her and took the spoon. As he ate what she offered, he promised himself that he'd do whatever it took to get Chrissy to joke around with him like that again.

"Can I ask you what's maybe a weird question?" Steve asked Eddie once they were alone in their hotel room for the night.

"Sure. What's up?"

"This morning, I brought up Jason in the car just trying to make conversation with Chrissy, and she was really vague and weird about it."

"That wasn't a question. That was a statement."

"I just wanna know why. She said it was more than just a bad break up, but she wouldn't go into detail about it. And then there was that whole thing in the car where she was afraid I was going to yell. I never wanna do anything that makes her look that terrified, you know? And I promised her that I wouldn't bring him up around her again, so I figured that I could maybe ask you about it instead."

Eddie paused in the middle of getting changed and let out a deep sigh.

"Listen," he said as he sat down on the edge of his bed. "I care about Chrissy more than I care about pretty much anyone else, and the last thing I want is for her to be scared or relive any of that bullshit, but it's not my story to tell. If she doesn't want to talk about Jason and her relationship with him, it's for a good reason, and you've gotta respect that."

"I just . . . I know you won't share all the details, but I just want to know if there's anything I can avoid doing to make her feel safe . . . Did he hurt her?"

"I told you. It's not my story to tell." Eddie got up from his spot on the bed and moved to lean against the bathroom door in an attempt to put some distance between them. He ran a hand over his face trying to wipe away the frustration he was feeling over whether he should tell Steve anything or not. On the one hand, if Chrissy hadn't wanted to talk about it with Steve, it was pretty clear to him that Steve didn't need to know the whole story. Nancy didn't even know the whole story, and Eddie typically told her everything. This was different though. He just couldn't break Chrissy's trust.

On the other hand, Eddie watched the way Steve and Chrissy played around together. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her laugh as hard as she did with Steve in the car that morning, and he could tell that these questions were coming from a place of genuine concern and not a need for gossip. So while he couldn't tell Steve the full story, he could talk about the details that he was involved in and hope that gets the point across.

"You remember how I always said that Jason was a Capital A Asshole? And how you always thought he was annoying and too focused on impressing the basketball guys over actually being a decent person? Well, take all of that and everything you assumed I was exaggerating about and make it at least fifty times shittier. He's worse than any of us ever imagined, and I didn't do anything about it because I made a promise to Chrissy that I'd stop fucking up my life on her behalf.

"So, when you ask me if he hurt her, all I can say is that I know he never laid a hand on her because if he did, I would have thrown that promise out the window, and Jason would have spent his senior year in a full body cast. But that doesn't mean he didn't put her through it, and that doesn't mean I didn't turn a blind eye to a lot of things because she told me that she could handle him on her own. And I really can't say anything more than that without betraying Chrissy's trust, and that's something I'll never do."

Steve stayed quiet after that. As much as he wanted to ask more about what Chrissy had gone through, he knew that he was dangerously close to overstepping a boundary, and he'd rather not piss off Eddie right before he was supposed to share a room with him. But he couldn't resist asking one more thing.

"So she wasn't scared of me in the car?"

"No. It wasn't you. I'm pretty sure it was just the situation. Besides, if she was scared of you, I don't think she'd have done whatever it is you two were doing with that ice cream."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Uh huh. Sure. 'Oh Chrissy, you have to let me try your ice cream. Let me just pull you up against me so you can feel how muscley my arms are.'" After impersonating Steve, Eddie switched positions and raised his voice in pitch to mimic Chrissy. "'Oh Steve, I'm ever so sorry that I turned your nose into a booger sundae. Let me sensually feed you a bite as an apology.'"

Steve grabbed a pillow from the bed that he was sitting on and hurled it at Eddie's head.

"That's not what happened and you know it. And it's not like there's anything between us anyway. We just met."

"Keep telling yourself that, Stevie," he said as he tossed the pillow back. "But I know what it looks like when you're into someone, and I definitely know what it looks like when she's into someone, so I'm pretty sure I can tell when the two of you are blatantly flirting in front of me. Do with that information what you will."

With that, Eddie ducked into the bathroom to leave Steve alone with his thoughts. He was certain that he hadn't been flirting with Chrissy. They were just a couple of buddies messing around with each other. That's all.

But no matter how much he wanted to believe that, he couldn't deny that there was a part of him that wanted to spend more time with her. That wanted to be the reason that she was smiling just like she had been earlier that evening. There was something special about her, and he was eager to learn more.

The first stop the next morning was the Newport Aquarium, and despite his best efforts, Steve was still fixated on what Eddie had said the night before. It didn't help that Eddie had dragged Nancy off to do their own thing the second that they were inside. He told himself that he was only going with Chrissy because it would be rude to leave her to wander the aquarium alone when they could easily walk around together. That was the only reason.

But then he saw the way that her face lit up when they walked into the jellyfish gallery. The lighting in the room bathed her in this purple glow, and he had to stop himself from staring at her while he was supposed to be watching the jellyfish. 

That's what Chrissy was doing anyway. She wasn't gawking at Steve like an idiot the way he felt like he was staring at her. He pulled out his phone and took a few sneaky candids of her without her noticing. He knew that he was supposed to show her every photo that he took of her immediately. That was the deal they'd made anyway. She had to approve of every photo, or they had to be deleted. Those were the rules.

But he didn't want her to decide those pictures weren't worthy of saving. Not right now when he was in awe of how one person could be so beautiful. So he pulled Mister Fibbley out of his pocket and took a picture of the tiny squirrel with the jellyfish, pretending that he'd never been focused on Chrissy at all.

When he stepped around the same jellyfish enclosure that she was looking at, Chrissy waved at Steve through the glass before sticking her tongue out at him. He feigned offense before mimicking her expression, and he felt something grip inside his chest when she started giggling and making more funny faces at him. Who knew that Chrissy Cunningham was such a dork, and who knew that that was exactly Steve's type? Both of these were revelations to Steve, and he was starting to think that maybe what Eddie had said the night before wasn't as ridiculous as he'd originally thought.

He didn't know how to deal with that though. The last thing he wanted to do was make a move on her if that wasn't what she wanted and Eddie was wrong about her being interested in him. That would lead to the most uncomfortable road trip of his life, and he'd had enough of those with his parents over the years.

But he could talk to her and joke around with her. He could let her pull him around to the different exhibits and go at her pace to keep her company. He could just enjoy getting to spend time with her on her terms. And, if Eddie was right, and she was interested in him? Well, that was just a bonus.

When they'd made it through the aquarium, they separated to look around the gift shop. Steve had pretty much determined that there was nothing he wanted to buy there when he looked over at Chrissy and saw that she had the biggest smile on her face as she was looking at a small gator plushie and wiggling its paws back and forth. He watched her play with it a moment before she left it abandoned on the shelf. 

The next thing Steve knew, he was at the checkout counter buying the plushie for her. He wasn't entirely sure why, but he thought that maybe he could express his interest in her in subtle ways like that, and if she was open to what he was doing, she could make the first move.

When they got back in the car, Steve passed his souvenir bag over to Chrissy.

"For you."

He watched as she pulled out the plushie and her face lit up again.

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know, but I wanted to."

"Thank you. That was really sweet of you."

"Don't mention it."

He thought he could see a little bit of a blush starting to grow on her cheeks as she grinned down at the plush and wiggled its little paws again, and he smiled to himself. He thought that maybe he could be content with just being the one to make her look that happy. For now.

The next stop on Nancy's itinerary was Loveland Castle. She was hoping to explore a little, and Eddie figured he could use it as inspiration for a future campaign. Chrissy just wanted to find a shady spot to relax and enjoy how nice of a day it was, and Steve offered to keep her company. They planned on making the drive to West Virginia that night, and he figured he could take the time to relax since he'd be the one doing the late night drive.

The two found a tree to sit under, and Steve sprawled out in the grass with Chrissy sitting beside him. He just looked so peaceful laying there with his eyes closed and his arms back behind his head that she couldn't resist taking the opportunity to snap a couple candids for him.

As she was taking her last picture, Steve opened his eyes.

"Oh, are we taking candids now?" he asked.

"Just a couple. I hope that's okay."

"Doesn't bother me. It just means that I should probably take a couple of you."

"You don't have to do that. I don't need more pictures of myself."

"C'mon, Chrissy," he started as he sat up. "How are you ever gonna have a decent Bumble account if you don't have any pictures for it?"

"Fine. But I still get to choose which ones get deleted, okay?"

Steve nodded before pulling out his phone. He took his first picture a little too early and caught Chrissy mid-stretch.

"I wasn't ready yet!" Chrissy said as she moved her hands to cover her face. "You have to delete that one."

"They're not candids if you're posing for them though. Just trust the process. Relax and ignore the fact that I'm here."

So, that's what she did. She ignored Steve and played with her phone. She leaned back and looked off into the distance. She tried to be relaxed and calm and casual and cool and everything that she thought she should be in pictures. She let Steve work his magic.

But, with every picture that he took, Steve couldn't come up with a good reason why he was doing this. There was something special about Chrissy. She joked around with him and made goofy faces. She had the best smile, and she was so easy to talk to. She was beautiful, but she was so much more than that, and the idea of some other guy getting to experience all of that because of pictures he took made him sick. He wanted to be the one to make Chrissy blush, and with every picture he took, he felt a pang of jealousy echoing in his chest.

"Can I see them now?" Chrissy asked, biting down on her lower lip.

Steve hesitated. He hated that he did it, but he hesitated. Even in the photo where she was stretching, she was maybe the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. He didn't want some other guy seeing these. He knew it was selfish and wrong of him the second he did it, but he lied to her.

"I don't know," he replied. "I don't think they turned out very good. They're kind of blurry. I just dont think I'm very good at catching just the right moment, you know? But we can try again later if you want."

"That's okay," she said as she stared at her lap. "I understand."

And maybe if Steve wasn't feeling so guilty about lying to her, he would have seen the way her face fell.

He might have said that the pictures were unusable because they were blurry, but in Chrissy's mind, she knew the real reason. She just didn't photograph well. She could hear her mother's voice in the back of her mind telling her that she didn't have any good angles, so there was no point in trying. No picture of her would ever be good enough, and Steve was too nice to tell her the truth. He only said they were blurry to protect her feelings.

As much as she hated those thoughts, they stayed with her, and she stayed quiet. As her mind played tricks on her and attacked the very little self-confidence she had, she didn't speak much throughout dinner, and she spaced out in the car afterwards.

Nancy and Eddie had fallen asleep in the back seat, and Steve was focused on the road, so that left her to stare out the window alone with her thoughts and the musical theater playlist that she'd convinced Steve to let her put on playing softly in the background.

"You're really quiet over there. What's on your mind?" Steve eventually asked her.

"Nothing."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

She had pulled out her phone and flipped through her camera roll. With every single picture of herself that she saw, the voice in her head got louder as it pointed out every single imperfection - real or imagined. The voice in her head didn't care. It just wanted her to feel as small and insignificant as it knew she was.

Steve glanced over at her and noticed what she was doing. He also noticed that she looked close to tears, and that nearly broke him. He didn't know what was going on in her head, but he knew it couldn't be good from the look on her face. He wasn't stupid. He noticed how quiet she got after he'd taken her picture earlier, and he noticed how quiet that she'd been since then. More quiet than she usually was. And he had a feeling that it was probably his fault. The guilt from earlier resurfaced, and he knew that he had to do something to keep her from crying. So, he did the only thing he could think of. He unlocked his phone and passed it over to her.

"Open my camera roll and then open the favorites tab," he told her without looking away from the road.

Chrissy was hesitant, but she followed his instructions and was surprised to find that all of his recent favorites were of her. There were a handful of the photos that he'd taken outside of the castle, but there were also a bunch of photos she hadn't realized he'd taken. Ones of her all throughout the aquarium. One of her laughing at one of Eddie's stupid jokes. Just a bunch of tiny moments that he'd wanted to preserve.

"If it isn't already obvious, I lied earlier," he told her. "There was nothing wrong with any of the photos I took of you, and I'm sorry for whatever my lies made you think. I just hated the idea of you asking me to delete them, and I really couldn't stand the idea of another guy seeing them. That doesn't justify what I did, but you deserved to know the truth. It was a dick move, and I'm really sorry. You can text whichever ones that you like to yourself and delete them off my phone if you want. And you don't have to save your number or anything if you think I'm a jerk. I'll understand if you don't really wanna talk to me anymore after that."

Chrissy stayed quiet as she flipped back through Steve's favorites folder again. She tried to see herself the way that he did, and while it didn't fully quiet her mother's voice, the fact that Steve liked the way she looked enough to consider pictures of her his favorites helped to make it a little quieter.

"So you don't think I look terrible?" she asked.

"Terrible? How could anyone ever think you look terrible?" he asked. "You're beautiful, Chrissy, and anyone who's ever made you feel otherwise is clearly blind."

"For the record, I don't think it was a dick move," she said after a moment. "It's actually kind of sweet."

"Oh yeah? Does that mean you've got a bunch of photos of me that you haven't shared yet?"

He glanced over at her and noticed that she'd started blushing again. He'd never get tired of having that effect on her.

"It's fine," he told her. "Keep them to yourself if you like. I'm starting to think that maybe dating apps aren't really my thing."

"It's the same for me. Who needs 'em?"

"Yeah, who needs 'em?"

The pair shared a smile before Steve turned his full attention back towards the road, and Chrissy went back to looking at Steve's camera roll. She sent herself every single picture that Steve had saved of her. Maybe if she looked at herself through Steve's eyes, it might be a little easier for her.

She was about to tell him that she was saving her number in his contacts when she realized he was softly singing along to the song that was playing - "Her Voice" from the Little Mermaid stage musical - and she whipped her head around to face him.

"How do you know this song?" she asked.

"Hmm?"

"You're singing. And maybe this is me making a silly assumption, but I really didn't think that the Steve Harrington was a musical theater guy. Especially a musical theater guy who knows a song that only appears in the stage adaptation of a Disney classic."

"I had this nanny as a kid who was really into musicals. I don't remember most of the stuff she played for me, but she was really into The Little Mermaid, and I guess this one song just kind of stuck? It just sounds nice." He shrugged. "Maybe a more important question, but why don't you ever sing along? Someone who's passionate enough about musicals to have created their own musical theater playlist definitely seems like the kind of person to sing along to said playlist in the car."

"Oh, I'm not much of a singer. I love musicals, but I'm not really the kind of person to be in them."

From the tone of her voice, he could tell there was something else going on there, but he didn't want to press her any further. He could ask her more about that another time.

When they finally made it to the hotel, they woke Nancy and Eddie up, and the group made their way into their separate rooms.

Nancy was back asleep almost as soon as she climbed into bed, but Chrissy stayed up for just a little bit longer. She found herself scrolling through the photos that Steve had taken of her again, and she couldn't help but smile. She picked her favorite of the ones that he'd taken at the castle earlier, and she posted it to her instagram account. No long and wordy captions. Just a single smiling emoji surrounded by hearts.

Just as she was about to set her phone down, her screen lit up with two notifications. The first let her know that she'd been followed by the account of one Steve Harrington, and the second let her know that he was the first to like her photo. She bit her lip in a smile as she sunk down into her pillows, and she fell asleep thinking that maybe the little voice in her head was wrong. Maybe she really was beautiful.

[greetingfromthedead]

C51: Spring

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Series Rating: 18+ / Explicit

Chapter: 51/84

Words: 1.9k

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You sit on the bed alone, the tablet in your hands. Hours have passed, and you switch between dream filled sleep and pacing around the room. The memories piecing themselves together have given you a headache again, but it pales in comparison to the pain you had felt before. Vash settled into his old room a few doors down. You want him to rest, so you asked for a separate room. You wouldn't want your restlessness to disturb him. And you want to figure out your feelings—do you love him, or is it all just an illusion?

You scroll through the files on the tablet, and you read old reports about both the calamity on your home planet and the time you spent on Earth. The information you uncover still leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Some of the memories related to the videos and logs come to mind. You remember your childhood, your friends, and your family, and it seems like a dark cloud follows you, bringing misfortune and pain. Part of you wonders if it is all worth remembering instead of living in ignorant bliss. But it's not like you have a choice; you couldn't live with the voices anymore, and they are finally quieting down. It's like you were right; they demanded to be remembered, and now they find peace. The buzzing in your head is still there, a constant reminder that there is still one large mystery left to discover.

You spend the whole day in your room, mostly sleeping, as that way the headache doesn't bother you as much; it's just a never ending stream of memories of your past life. So much of it seems strange to you—the way you spent time with other humans, you were a part of them; together, you worked towards a common goal, but there wasn't real care behind your actions, just a duty. Vash came by a few times, but you were either asleep or pretending to be. He left you food that you didn't touch, and for a while he sat in a chair by the door. You couldn't bring yourself to look at him; the feelings inside you were still a stormy mess. You had never felt truly this way about anyone; the love for your family and friends felt different, and the affection towards former lovers didn't compare either. Is it different because it's fake, or is it different because it is true? He sat quietly for an hour before leaving with a slight sigh. It does make you feel guilty, but the pain from hurting him would be worse.

Luida stopped by too at some point, but you decided to ignore her just as you had done with Vash. You had enough information to sort through without adding to it, and you didn't want to be face-to-face with the question of how you are feeling or doing. She just tucked you in a little more and left shortly after.

It has been hours since Vash replaced your lunch with dinner, but you still haven't touched it. You have no desire to do so. It must be night already. You wonder if you should go on a walk through the ship, just to see how well you remember it, but there are other things on your mind.

You get out of bed and catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You are wearing a ship's crew dress, just without the one piece underneath, as a nightgown. All your stuff went to get washed, as your bag was filled with sand. You try to imagine yourself as a staff member here, just working on something on the ship, even though you know it wasn't your role. All your memories of the ship were actually from before launch; you were trained to operate the machinery and given extensive tours, but you would have been woken up only after arriving at a suitable planet or shortly before. Different scenarios run through your head. What if the ships didn't crash? What if they did crash, but you were still in cold sleep? What if nothing bad happened and you made your way as a human to a new world? Thoughts of Vash come to mind. Would you have met him in that new world? Would you have gotten close?

You sigh deeply and walk out the door into the corridor and move a few doors down, hesitating by Vash's room. You wonder if he's asleep, but you choose to open the door anyway. You see him lying on his side on top of his blankets and covers. He is wearing his regular clothes, minus the glasses, coat, and gun.

"Iris?" You see him starting to turn onto his back.

"Don't move," you gently ask before he gets too far; he still can't even see you. "Please. Stay as you are."

He freezes for a moment, but then settles in again. His arms are around a second pillow that he seems to be cuddling. You walk up to his narrow bed and sit onto the edge of it with your back towards him.

"How can you have no doubts?" you quietly ask.

"Because my feelings aren't a mystery." His voice is calm and tender. "I know why they are there. It all makes perfect sense to me."

"What do you mean?" You turn your body towards him and look at his back.

"Well, because they didn't appear out of nowhere. The moment I met you, there was something I saw in you, true, but it's more than that. I know why I love you; I know why I feel the way I do. And while it's sometimes irrational, there's still a reason behind so much of it."

You lean closer, pulling one of your legs onto the mattress. Your hand reaches out to touch him but stops short of his body. You recognize the pillow he's holding as yours; it's dirty from the desert and lumpy from use.

"I love your being." Vash continues quietly without making an attempt to look at you. "I love your kindness and the way you protect people. You might say it's not genuine, that it's just your guilt and shame, but I don't think so. I think you've been through so much hardship that it has made you a gentler soul than you want to admit. You are so strong, and I'm so proud of you because, after everything, you're still standing, you don't abandon a fight, and you always find strength to go on. Your unwavering spirit and resilience take my breath away."

Your hand touches his side and gently strokes down, settling on his waist as you lean your whole body closer. You know every curvature of his body, every last detail; it feels less like an uncontrollable desire you have for him and more like he's home to you, like your hand belongs in his, like your skin touching his is the most natural thing in the world.

"You have a fire in you that could lay waste to anything you wished, but you only ever use it to warm up someone else's heart. The fierceness in it is undeniable to anyone who has seen it, and the undeserving should be scared of it, but I love the glow of it. Your eyes are magic, so beautiful; they remind me of starlight; looking into them takes me on adventures I can lose myself in."

You settle your cheek against his side by your hand. You can feel every breath he takes through the movement of his rib cage as he continues to list every way he loves you.

"You were never scared of me; not once have you flinched away in fear. You have always been unwavering. You showed me what it's like to be valued for my being. You made me feel things I didn't think I would ever get to. I fell in love with you because you made it feel like I was in an old storybook, a fairy tale I read as a little boy on the ship when life was easier."

Your hand slides over his body to rest on his stomach while you gently pull him closer.

"You have enchanted me in every way since the day I met you. The way you speak, the way you think, the way you act—it captivates me in ways no soul has ever done before. You realized the darkness inside me, yet you kept looking at me like I'm a sun. Rem told me how seasons changed on Earth, and perhaps they did on your home planet too. She told me how after a hard and cold winter comes spring, which brings new life, and how the world comes alive with colors and a warm, soft breeze. I have never experienced it myself, but I imagine it feels the same as meeting you. You're my spring."

You look up and see his loving eyes on you, a gentle smile dancing on his lips as he pauses.

"Loving you is like breathing to me. It's so natural and so easy. And I can pinpoint everything that I adore about you. I can list them off, and I would keep talking till the last star in the galaxy dies. But the reason is not because you are partially Plant like me."

His hand reaches out and gently touches your forehead, where he has left a million kisses before, and you can feel every last one of them tingle on your skin.

"That's how I know," he says, smiling wider. "I will love every part of you, even the ones you think are unlovable."

"I..." you are speechless, "...see."

He turns around carefully so as not to fall off or push you; the pillow in his arms falls to the floor with a light thump. He looks so tenderly at you as his fingers push aside your hair and trail down your cheek. He leaves his hand on your neck, his thumb resting by your ear after you adjust yourself better to lay beside him.

"I saw your markings glow. You looked like a goddess; I doubt I will ever see anything more beautiful than that."

His touch radiates warmth through your body that even you can feel. It's not so much the temperature; it's something much more than that. The butterflies in your stomach feel like they want to escape through your lungs.

"You're right..." you say, looking into his blue eyes. "I never should have doubted this, cause I too know why I feel the way I do. And while part of it is because you make me feel safe and sane and make everything bearable... it is so much more than that. I look at you like you're a sun because, to me, you are. You always manage to brighten up my days with everything you do. Your laugh is infectious, and your jokes never fail to lift my spirits, even if I try my hardest not to show it. Your endless kindness and your belief in humanity inspire me; they make my heart tender. You give me strength, and..."

You look for the right words, but nothing seems right.

"I'm trying to explain the unexplainable; there are no words strong enough, and with just the right undertones, I would never do these feelings justice. And even if it is a Plant connection... it just makes it better; it only deepens these emotions in me. I don't despair over it. I am glad."

Your hands cup his face, your fingers touching the pinkish hue of his cheeks. His eyes glimmer in the dim room, his arm that's under him moves beneath your head to make you more comfortable, and his other hand wraps around your waist and pulls you closer into an embrace.

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[ironiedevivre]

this year has been one of the hardest of my life.

i've stopped writing, because it feels selfish and pointless to complain. or create.

i don't want to exist. i do, and i'm sorry. i want a better life, but it's hard to even believe that i deserve one, nevermind that i'm capable of obtaining one

i've stopped doing most of the things i (used to) love, for a lot of reasons. i just keep shrinking. i know i'll never shrink enough to be acceptable to anyone, but i can try...

i don't tell people about myself anymore. (there's no one to tell.) i start and delete so many times. it's not even for the reason that no one cares or anything, it's that they shouldn't have to see it at all. don't be reminded of me. i'm not supposed to exist. everything is fine. god i'm struggling so much, i need so much, but i'm so sorry that i'm here

my world is shrinking. i don't know what to say or where to say it, if i even thought i could or should. it's so selfish of me to exist! despite my best efforts and best intentions, i'm a terrible person, a terrible friend, a disappointment, a waste. my mother tells me all the time. (i think it's funny that she ever expected anything else from telling me this all the time. where was i supposed to find self esteem, pride? my parents were supposed to create that, teach that, nurture that. instead i'm so stupidly damaged that even the things i'm so proud of are never enough.) i've spent so much time lately trying not to cry, and never ever letting anyone see it. i'm not supposed to have feelings, or make anyone feel anything about me. if i make mom feel bad, it's my fault. i can't let anyone know how much it hurts, any of it. i can't let anyone know i've been rejected again, ghosted, and it's been so long and hurts almost as much as the first day i noticed. (you're such a fucking failure!!! even your best friend got sick of you and left without saying a word. everyone, everyone knew there was something wrong with you growing up and you tried to ignore it but you just made it worse!)

(and god i'm so angry. i am so, so angry. but what do you do with anger that has nowhere to go? it just sits here. i keep it to myself, just like i used to. expressing feelings, no matter how carefully, is as undesirable as the rest of me. i am not supposed to have feelings. my feelings do not matter. i don't know what i did wrong but just try harder not to fuck anything up.)

everyone expected so much from me and i failed so much at everything. always the odd one out, always a weirdo, always a loser and i couldn't break free of it in spite of it. i couldn't even manage to pretend to be normal, be an average empty shell with a career and a family. and instead of filling that space with hobbies, i'm pulling back, because mother doesn't believe i deserve them if i don't have a career and a family. isn't it funny... it's been years since i've played a video game, because any time i spend enjoying myself is time i "should've" spent at a job. i can't spend time with my handful of friends left, or protest a genocide, because any time enjoying life or believing in anything is time that should be at a job, not unemployed - but i'm her caregiver? and i'm not supposed to do anything else but take care of her, but i'm not supposed to spend so much time with her because i don't have a real job, and on and on. i got a job and she was angry. i couldn't do enough and she was angry. she's always angry with me. i couldn't keep a job and i can't seem to do anything at all. nothing i do will ever be good enough.

it doesn't feel good to say any of this. no one wants to hear it, and i'm sorry. no one's reading it anyway, so it doesn't matter, but i'm sorry

i don't know what to do with myself anymore

[leahblackk]

Exile

summary: Spencer’s been in a happy marriage until it wasn’t happy.

warnings; crying, mentions of divorce and Diana’s illnesses. (hopeful ending)

couple: spencer reid x fem!reader

taglist: if you want to be removed please let me know. @ssavanessa22, @all-tings-gubler, @hey-dw, @reidselle, @demigirl2007, @matthew-gray-gubler-lover, @nomajdetective, @doctorspenceryeet, @cance1medaddy

The pitiful regret feeling settled on his stomach, moving and sweeping everything at a slow, painful pace. Like a shot of pure alcohol on an empty hungry stomach.

To say that he was mad, was a verily short understatement of his feelings, hell yes he was mad. He saw how her beautiful hair shone below the light, how her eyes sparkled and how her smile grew wider, while he touched her arms, while he made her laugh. And of course, when we say he, it wasn't him. It wasn't Spencer who was making her laugh, it wasn't Spencer who touched and caressed her soft porcelain skin.

Ha! Spencer thought. I bet he doesn't know the places where she likes to be touched. Like that little spot on her waist, like the lower part of her back, her thighs, her knees. He was touching her arms, yeah, but she preferred other places. His profiler mind comes in hand. He reads her body language, something that pissed her off while they were still together.

She wasn't completely disgusted by the touch of him, but she preferred other places, Spencer knew she preferred. But no one was gonna know her like he did, no one was gonna touch her like he did.

And of course, no one's gonna hurt her like he did.

A few months ago Spencer was happily being held by her, smelling her scent, the scent of her skin and her citrus shampoo she used, her soft skin and her sharp nails playing with his hair while he hid away from the world like a small kid, a scared kid Spencer was in the inside, and she knew that, and there she was, comforting him.

But then, flashbacks came to his haunting and never-alone mind, full of voices telling him what to do, who he was.

To the fear, to the fear of hurting her, to the fear of being a burden to her. He never wanted to be a burden, not to anyone but specially not to her, not to the love of his life. She didn't deserve that, she deserved a man who had his shit together, not a man whose nightmares haunt his dreams everyday, not a man who was scared of life, not a man who hid away in her arms. She deserved a man who didn't have potential diseases that might make him forget her.

He never wanted to forget her. So he did what he knew best and pushed her away, over and over again. Until it was too much for her, and she defeatedly left. Spencer, whoever, took things further along, asking her for divorce.

Divorce.

He never wanted that, he never wanted of course. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, but he couldn't bear the thought of one day being oblivion to the sun that shone through his dark clouds.

But he never wanted to be a burden, never told her why, he just said he didn't love her anymore, as a coward. He perfectly knew that if he ever told her the real reason why he was leaving, she would convince him, and although he secretly, deep down, wanted her to do so, he mostly wanted to protect her. So he decided to say those little words.

The pain and withdrawal of her body, her soft sad eyes, already filling up with tears, made him want to hold her and make her forget it all at once, but of course he couldn't, even if his skin burnt and he wanted to slap his own face for saying what he once swore.

She bit her tongue, wanting to ask if his heart now belonged to someone else and that's why he was right in front of her saying those hurtful words. But she didn't want to know the answer, so she stood there quietly.

Spencer walked away from her, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath of his perfume, one last time.

“Please don't leave me. Just, for tonight, pretend like you still love me,” she begged, but did not look back at him.

Luckily for Spencer she didn't look because he was already crying.

“I'm sorry i can't do that,” he answered and as he closed the door he heard her sobs. He stopped, and instinctively turned around to open the door, to go and comfort her, but of course, he couldn't, not anymore.

So kept walking, while he cried and sobbed.

And later on, the divorce papers arrived in her mail, she scoffed because he didn't have the courage enough to give them to her personally, but then when the bitterness faded away, the bluey feelings made their appearance as she cried.

So this was it? She just lost the love of her life, he just-he just simply stopped loving her, as simple as a leaf falling down to the ground. His love stopped, just simply stopped.

It just took him five minutes, fucking five minutes to pack them and leave her with their love out there in the hall. Holding on to it for dear life, asking any gods out there to please help her, to please make him love her again, but they didn't come to her aid.

She begged, on her knees and her palms pressed against the cold floor, to any gods out there to help her. While she sobbed and called out his name. To come back, and please be her homeland once more. Because she needed him, she needed him like plants need their sun, to be fed and alive. She needed Spencer to be alive. And when he left, she died inside too.

Spencer always asked her to not leave him, many people have left him in the past but what neither of them expected was for him to be the one walking out the door.

And now, while she was out there fake laughing with him, she could feel his staring hazel eyes, she could feel his eyes making second degree burns onto her skin, second, because the third degree one was the one he gave to her heart, when he confidently and without regrets said, “I dont love you anymore.”

He was funny, and kind, he loved animals, but he wasn't him. She couldn't concentrate on him when he was out there, looking at her like that.

He had no right to look at her like that, when he was the one who walked away.

His staring gaze only added salt to the very, very open wound.

She hated him, of course she did, but most importantly, she missed him.

He missed his soft humming while he cooked for her. He missed the sound of him waking up in the mornings to take a shower and get ready to go to work and how he softly chuckled at her bad performance f being asleep. She missed his soft hand caressing her thighs and that spot on her waist. He missed him, and entirely and wholeheartedly.

Her heart screamed, “Go for him.”

But her mind replayed the moment when he decided to break them apart, painfully and slowly, and this time, she decided to listen to her brain.

Spencer turned around, on his chair, not being able to look at them any longer, even though this was his fault and no one else's, for a little while, he decided to blame it on someone else.

Maybe the universe, maybe the stupid disease, maybe even to the doctors who never couldn’t find a cure to it.

He mostly blamed that 30% percent.

He knew there was a 30% of chance of getting his mothers disease, 30% of chances. He wasn't gonna risk that. Mostly knowing his mother had other potential passable diseases onto him. He wasn't gonna risk it, so he decided to risk what he loved the most.

God, was he stupid?

Was he doing something wrong?

He felt like he was.

And maybe he was, but he didn't want her to deal with him.

Y/n walked away from the guy, to sit next to a very drunk JJ. Spencer, a few feet away from her, drinking what she thought was soda, cause he never really drinks.

She was regretting being there at all. But after Penelope basically dragged her away from her house, one she once shared with Spencer, she didn't have any other choice, and she was surprised to see him there as well.

Maybe not.

She hoped he was suffering as much, or even a little bit more of what she was. But of course he wasn't, 'cause he didnt love her anymore, so why would he suffer?

Perhaps he got tired of her, perhaps she did something wrong, maybe he fell for someone else who was more beautiful than she was.

Maybe it was all of it together.

Y/n thought he was gonna ask her, nig her about why she didn't sign the divorce papers. It's been three weeks, almost four, since she received them. And she couldn't bring herself to do it, because once she did, she wasn't gonna be his wife, he wasn't legally gonna be hers either, and she wasn’t ready for that outcome.

JJ looked at her friend, who was staring at Spencer, and she smiled sadly.

“He is an idiot, you know?” JJ said.

“Mmm?” Y/n moved her head to JJ’s direction, being a little too far distracted with Spencer.

“Spencer, he is an idiot,” the blonde girl repeated.

The girl sighed, “Yeah I guess he is.”

“He's just-he's scared , you know? I kind of understand him in some ways. If i had the possibility of having some disease that would make me forget Will, I-I wouldve done the same as him, but he’s just stupid cause you’d never leave him and you don’t care about that stuff, right?”

Y/n frowned, “What are you talking about JJ?”

JJ frowned as well, “The reason why he left? Because he was scared he'd have Alzheimer’s like his mother?”

No, of course she didn't know that. And now JJ was out there telling her that, what? What should she do? What can she do?

She felt like the weight on her heart eased a bit, because that could mean he still loved her, he was just an idiot.

She knew Spencer, and she knew that would be something he'd do, but at the same time she felt anger, anger because he didn't tell her, he didn't give her a choice more than just “I don't love you anymore.”

Some words that wrecked her heart open, that made her out of breath and not in a good way, but in the cruelest, meanest and hurtful way.

She looked at Spencer, who was already looking at her.

Spencer noticed a shift in her behavior, in her body, something has clearly upset her, he knew that not with being a profiler but being her husband, or well, he was once.

Tears appeared on her eyes as Spencer looked at her, he wanted so badly to take those salty drops out of her eyes, but he couldn't.

She stood up, and started walking in his direction. Spencer's heart stopped, she looked beautiful. Her beautiful hair he long to touch once more, her eyes, didn’t sparkle anymore but their beauty remained whatsoever.

She made it in front of him, “You're such an asshole,” she breathed out.

Spencer frowned, “Excuse me?”

“Yeah. How couldn't you tell me the real reason why you left me? Leaving me and telling me you didn't love me anymore. Whether I stayed or not wasn't your decision to make. It was mine, you had no right. And hide behind a pity excuse, that by the way, broke me,” she let out, “You are being such an asshole Reid. You are being mean.”

Reid. Reid. Reid.

She sobbed, and looked away.

He looked at JJ, who looked at them with regret and he understood where she got that from, he sighed.

“Bunny please let me explain…”

“Bunny,” she scoffed, “ You know what Spencer? I can't do this right now. I really prayed for that explanation, but right now, I don't wanna hear you.

Prayed…

She doesn't believe in god…

And as soon as her words were out, she walked away. Walking as far as she could from him, getting out of the bar they were. Spencer sighed, once more, and looked at JJ. Who was very drunk.

“Sorry!” she apologized

He shook his head, “Just make sure you get home safe,” he said looking at other team members to take care of her, and then he walked away.

Following the love of his life, something he should've done earlier, something he knew he should've, but couldn't. He was an asshole, he deserved the words that slip out of her precious lips, but he was gonna fix it. He was gonna make everything better.

He saw her, called her name like he has done it several times before, but this time it felt different.

He reached for her arm, touching her now cold skin due the wild wind. He felt at home, once he touched her.

“Let me explain, please just…,” he said, “I am, indeed, an asshole. I know I am, and I know I had no right to make such a decision but you have to understand me. There is a thirty percent chance I will get my mothers illness, making me forget you. You'll have to live with… with this man who won't be able-won't be capable of remembering who you are, and I don't want that. I don't ever, ever want to be a burden to you,” he let out.

“I was willing to, Spencer. I didn't care about that as long as I got to be with you, but you…” he interrupted her.

“I'm not finished,” he spoke, “I know you were, that's what i said i didnt love you anymore because then you wouldn't have to fight for me and it was stupid. I know it was, it was dumb and I regret now,” she opened her mouth to speak, “Still my turn,” he said, “But now, i decide- I want to be selfish. I-I cant live without you, Y/n. I can't wrap my head around being without you, I can't just… I can't,” he whimpered, “I know I hurt you, when I wanted to protect you but please… I am begging you, to please, accept me, to love me as your husband once again cause you're my sun and I can't live without you.”

She was speechless, she didn't know what to think, and Spencer was a whimpery mess in front of her. As she didn't speak, he spoke again, “Please, just please. I am terribly sorry and I promise I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you but please let me make it up to you, I don't care if it takes years, as long as I get to be legally yours, I want it. Please, just, please.”

The girl was now crying, but wouldn't speak. Spencer looked at her face, at her body, and he understood, he finally understood.

He cupped her face, pressing their forehead together as they sobbed, whimpered and cried, “I love you. I never stopped loving you, never have, never will.”

“I love you. And I don't care, if you forget me, I promise I'll spend the rest of our lives reminding you,” she finally spoke, with a broken sob.

Spencer wrapped her in a hug, a hug he was longing for. He moved her side to side, rubbing her back and telling her he loved her, cause he realized, his words made a profound burnt in her heart, but he will spend the rest of his life amending it for her.

Forever.

[kalims]

I know I just sent an ask, but now I have another question.

If Mother!Reader finds out about one of their children leading an evil organization, how would she react? And say if any of the guys (aka possible love interests) found put about what happened and how devastated mom is how would they... I guess comfort her?

Guys: Zhongli and Venti (all the other guys are too young)

pretends that I also didn't ghost this post.

angst to comfort. established relationship.

today was a bad day. a bad day isn't even enough to describe the horrifying truth that unfolded right in your face. slapping you with the real reality that you so desperately tried to keep away.

you found them again but you were on opposite sides on the battlefield. why were you on a battlefield anyways? wasn't it first just to find them and go home?

In fact, you haven't felt the crippling feeling of hopelessness and despair settling in your veins and slowly eating you whole from the inside as you spiral into a further darkness since you lost them to the unknown god that already had them stripped them off their powers and took them along.

you found them but lost them right after you felt as though they were in your arms once more.

the inkling seed of depression starts to get planted once you finally realize that this will end in bloodshed.

I'd say mom!reader would definitely be upset. a reaction similar to what the twins would have if they were in her position. If you've read most of my mom!reader posts then you'd notice that family would always be above for them.

Imagine waiting at home for your twins to come home, worrying at the first hour and then freaking out when they don't come for the night, then the next day, and the next and its just a cycle of wondering what happened to them and where they are.

as we know, atleast for those who have strict parents. we rarely get permitted to spend a night with a freind and so imagine mom!reader's feelings when a week passes by and she's just in her room looking at the polaroids and pictures inside her drawer and crying.

she's not particularly strict, just protective as hell.

then a month where she just loses hope and looks for the twins herself. there's over a hundred worlds, maybe thousands. she isn't sure herself. an average, sane person would probably overthink and go crazy because what were the chances she'd find her twins on several worlds? what if they come to one she'd already scoured herself? she's determined, that's it.

but let's say we found the twins again and as you were about to venture into another world as compensation for all the time you've lost the unknown god comes and the rest is basically history.. except the twins were both taken away.

then you spend all your time looking for them in tevyat and when you do, they're already your enemies. family is always first so why are you hesitating? Is it because you consider him your family too?

zhongli saw you once, exchanged less than ten words with you and went off with the day with the lack of your presence. color him obsessive, he doesn't care but he truly knows the little details even you aren't aware of.

for an example the way you avoid his gaze when you lie.

usually you'd subtly stick around his hip and follow him around the harbor, if it wasn't the former then you'd visit your favorite restaurants.

and when he tried to accompany you to one of your commissions you merely laughed him off.

let's see..

zhongli is a respectful man, but even he knows not to stand idle around when you're clearly near collapsing if you keep continuing attacking monsters with your choice of weapon and keeping on accepting commissions like you're trying to find an excuse to go outside and explore.

as a lover he'd corner you not in a bad way but gently placing his hand on your shoulder and asking you what's wrong as he takes the seat next to you, scooting closer for comfort.

he's really old, maybe 6001 today since it's his birthday haha.. so priceless amounts of wisdom has been ingraved in his brain, comfort is something he'd never really done himself since his years as rex lapis and morax is mostly spent by his closest companions so I'd say he'd know what to do.

he'd be quiet as you ramble for who knows how long, occasionally rubbing your back to signal that he's still listening when you pause and peer at him.

zhongli had definitely prepared a lot beforehand, he wants to make sure that you are comfortable and to show that he truly is worried. to prove my point, he'd have cups of tea in a table, or a glass of water in case you're getting too overwhelmed.

he takes it really well, and perhaps have encountered the situation himself. don't worry, he won't directly interfere as it isn't his business but he will provide you with emotional support if you need it. go on, climb into his arms. [flushed]

8.7/10 maybe.

ah ah, venti the bard.

he's surprisingly popular in mondstadt, his spot after winning the annual best bard with streaks and all.

venti's socially striving, he has lots of pals. even though he can't remember most of them, they certainly do. most of his said pals are probably the ones that witnessed his drunk state first hand thus why he doesn't remember.

although he's cheery at times, venti is able to tell the difference between serious cases and can easily switch to a lending ear or shoulder if you need.

initially an airhead, first brushing off your sudden change of behavior as grumpiness, maybe it's that time of the month or are you just mad at him? oh no! he can't have that so he approaches you one day and pouts until you affirm that you indeed, weren't upset with him.

"huuh? so what is it that taints your mind with troubles, my lady?" he teases when you finally answer him, claiming something about a trouble occupying your mind.

in terms of clearing a troubled kind, venti knows a lot on how to. so that's why he'd called upon dvalin to give you both a peaceful ride, away from the city, away from noise. just you, and him. it's almost as if the winds are embracing you as a comfort.

it's very relaxing, so much to the fact that you basically spilled everything as you know that it's good to consult to a trusted fellow once in a while, a lover being better.

venti's best at basically doing anything with the use of music, be it as an form of his emotions but he'd gladly help you with a soothing tune that makes you closes your eyes as he gathers your head to his lap.

he'd play you a melody before hugging you, rocking you back and forth. you worry if you'll fall down from the dragons back but you trust him to catch you. venti will make you face him and tell you all about how much it pains him to see you in such a state, reciting a poem and all before going about the things he loves about you to take your mind out of all those worries.

overall 9/10. I think the way he helps you unwind is better than zhongli's

[casuallyimagining]

Little Secret

Min Yoongi x Reader

Summary: Your relationship with Yoongi, though young, couldn't be better. But that doesn't mean it's perfect Genre: fluff Word Count: 1,802 Warnings: none Notes: Thanks to @taegularities and @eatjeanjin for beta-ing this. Banner by the lovely @missgeniality

Part of the Long Term Couples series. Read more here.

Dating him was hard.

It was the late nights, the daily exhaustion, the constant coming and going of touring and promoting and recording. It was stopping by the studio just to see him for 15 minutes while he was on break. It was stopping by the practice space while he worked on choreography just to be in the same room as him. It was missed dates and missed calls and ignored texts.

It was sleeping alone, even when you were at the dorms.

And it was sharing him. With management. With the other six members. With the world.

It was not getting to have him publicly because it just wasn’t the right time.

It was never the right time.

He had warned you about it all on the first date. He was cautious. He was used to being dumped. It was no one’s fault, he had said. Having a love life was hard for him, and he didn’t blame anyone who didn’t want all of the strings attached.

He reminded you again on the second real date, almost a month and a half later. He wouldn’t be offended if you didn’t want to see him for a third, he had said. He understood if you wanted something a little more stable, more predictable, more normal.

The third date had come soon after that, a rare day off where he could actually take you out for a drive-thru milkshake. You had sat in the parking lot of the BigHit offices--the only place he could guarantee you wouldn’t be harassed--and he’d brought it up again. He wanted you to be happy, he had told you. He was fond of you, but he didn’t want that to affect anything. If you wanted to leave, he would let you.

He thought he was protecting you from his lifestyle, from him. Min Yoongi had always been considerate like that.

But as you sat there in the passenger seat of the car he borrowed from his company, you couldn’t bring yourself to leave. Not when he was sitting there chewing on his lip, absentmindedly stirring the dregs of his milkshake, pretending he wasn’t staring at you behind his sunglasses.

You knew you couldn’t have left him if you wanted to, even back then.

You were astonished at how hard you fell for him, at how quickly he took root in your heart. Two months in, you’d asked him for his schedule, and you started bringing him lunch when he was in the studio on your days off. You’d let yourself into the Genius Lab with the passcode he had shared with you like it was the code to set off a nuclear bomb and stay until you got sick of sitting there and then a little longer because you were happy to spend the time in silence if it meant you got to hang out together.

It was on one of those days that you were sitting on the couch in his studio, flipping through a magazine quietly. You had brought him a few rolls of kimbap and kimchi for lunch, and since he had promised it would be a shorter day, you were waiting for him to finish up with the track he was working on.

The magazine you were reading featured an article about a charitable event Yoongi and the other members had attended the previous month. The event had been teeming with celebrities, including a few female idol groups from other labels. You weren’t surprised when the article featured some gossip, especially when there was a full page spread of Jimin, Tae, Yoongi, and a few of the female idols at the event.

You glanced up at Yoongi as he worked. He was turned halfway between his midi keyboard and his computer, his right hand playing a melody you couldn’t hear, his left hand balanced over his computer keyboard. He tapped his foot as he played, counting out the beat for himself. Only the left side of his headphones was on properly, the right one pushed back and rested just behind his ear.

He looked over at you and flashed you a shy smile, hitting something on his computer keyboard. “You look confused,” he mumbled, pushing his headphones off fully so that they rested around his neck.

“Do I?”

He hummed, spinning his chair so he was facing you fully. “What’s on your mind?”

You looked down at the magazine. The Yoongi of a month ago stared back at you, the female idol’s arm around his shoulders. “This is probably going to sound dumb, but… why me?”

“What?”

“Of all the people in the world, you want me. Why?”

Yoongi rolled his chair towards you, looking at the magazine in your lap. “I mean, I’ll happily answer that question if you want me to, but… Where’s this coming from?”

You shrugged, tossing the magazine aside. “Morbid curiosity, I guess.”

He was silent for a moment, taking your hand in his. His thumb ghosted over your knuckles. “Can I tell you something?” He licked his lips before continuing. “Never in my wildest dreams did I even dare to hope to find someone like you.”

“Boring?” you joked.

His eyebrows creased, and a small pout formed on his lips. “I was going to say something cute, but boring works, too.” He dropped your hand and started to roll his chair back to his desk.

“No, hey.” You managed to grab his wrist before he got too far. “I wanna hear the cute thing, too.”

Yoongi laughed, a big, gummy smile spreading across his face. You could see the hint of a blush blossoming on his cheekbones. “Most people get so hung up on Suga and Agust D that they forget about Yoongi,” he said softly. “Most of the time, it feels like you don’t even know that I’m famous.” You chuckled softly, but otherwise stayed quiet. He raised an eyebrow, his pout returning. “Was that not cute enough for you?”

“You’re adorable.” You pinched his cheek quickly.

“Then what’s wrong?”

You sighed. He could read you like a book. Which, you supposed, wasn’t a bad thing. “I dunno.” You looked away from him, choosing instead to focus on the stickers on the air conditioning unit. “I love getting to spend time with Yoongi. I do.” You needed him to know that. That no matter what you were feeling, you truly did enjoy spending time with him, in whatever capacity he could manage. “I guess I just… I wish I could hang out with Suga sometimes. Y’know. In public.”

The couch dipped beside you, and his hand squeezed your knee. “Someday,” he whispered. “I would love nothing more than to take you to charity events and awards shows. I want to take you out to dinner and eat in the restaurant.” He sighed. His thumb rubbed circles into the fabric of your jeans. “But we have to wait for the label to give the green light. I don’t know how our fans would react.”

You sighed. He was right. Of course he was. Maybe someday your relationship would be public. He cared for you, that much was obvious. It made things easier to know that.

“I know that’s not very helpful.” Yoongi offered you a sad smile, his hand still in yours. “I wish I could give you more.”

“It’s fine. Honestly.”

“It’s not, though. You’re clearly upset by it.” He squeezed your hand, his soft eyes not meeting yours.

“I mean, it’s not forever. We’ll live.” You felt a little silly being bothered by it. It wasn’t like you were the only one going through this. You knew Jungkook and his girlfriend were in a similar boat, and there were hundreds of groups that were dealing with similar restrictions. “I just… it’s sad to not know when that’ll be, you know? It’s stupid. I don’t even enjoy going to public events like that. But it sucks to not even have the option. And…” You shook your head. “It’s silly.”

“It’s not silly. Tell me what’s on your mind.” He rolled his chair closer, his knee slotting itself between yours.

You sighed. “I just… we can’t dance? In public, I mean. It’s dumb. I don’t even like dancing.”

For a moment, Yoongi was silent, his lower lip captured between his teeth. His brow furrowed as he stared at your hands in his. Then, without saying anything, he rolled away from you. You felt stupid for even bringing it up. You’d only been officially dating for a few months. It seemed unfair to just burden him with your problems like that, especially when there was literally nothing he could do about it.

He started clicking away at something on his computer and your heart sank, assuming that he was getting back to work. He was busy, after all, and you knew he was determined to leave early that day. You reached down, grabbing your bag. You’d get out of his way so that he could work and not have to worry about you.

Just as you were about to stand and bid Yoongi goodbye, a soft song started to play through the speakers on his desk. He spun around in his chair to face you, a soft smile on his lips. Carefully, he stood, his hand outstretched to you as he crossed the short distance. Confused, you let him take your hand and tug you up.

He clutched your hand tightly, his other arm snaking its way around your waist, pulling you flush against him. Gently, he started to sway and you got the hint, wrapping your arm around him and resting your hand against his shoulder blade. He hummed along to the song, the soft sound rumbling in his chest. You didn’t recognize the tune.

“Why don’t you like dancing?” Yoongi whispered after what felt like an eternity in silence.

He was warm and soft in your arms, and his thumb rubbed gentle circles into your lower back, sending pleasant tingles up your spine. Your mind was a little hazy in the bliss of the moment, but you managed to respond.

“I don’t know. Just not my thing, I guess.” You felt him nod in understanding. “This isn’t so bad, though.”

Yoongi laughed at that, the feeling reverberating through your own chest. If only he knew how much of an understatement that was. Someday, you’d tell him. You’d tell him how, even though you’d only been together for a short time, he made you feel safe, and loved, and like you mattered. That no one else had ever made you feel as special as he did. That after such a short time, his attention and care meant more to you than almost anything else.

But until then, you supposed you could enjoy your little secret.

Read more of the series here.

[aio-rya]

Octavinelle Confession Heafcanons

「Requested by: Anon」

Azul 🐙

・Shy but romantic, fancy and caring; that would be the summary of his confession. Shy because of his insecurities, not confident in what he would do, neither of you liking him back. Romantic the way he could only be, organizing something very special, something unique only for this monent. Fancy as himself, his sense of perfection in his own perception, careful with every detail.

・Even for the invitation to these encounter, he will be shy —not at first glance of course, we are talking about Mr. Ashengrotto, he knows how to deal with special situations... when it doesn't comes to be about heart matters. Silence and seriousness on his eyes, Floyd and Jade behind him with the same business air as always. Then, he just asks for your presence tonight, on the Lounge.

・He wanted to make it private for your comfort, that's why Mostro Lounge was closed for a night —just give a notion, not even the Tweels seemed to be there. He wouldn't like to put pressure on you by confessing in front of anyone else or to make you feel forced by the circumstances to retrieve his feelings. He wanted you to be completely honest, whatever you decided will be fine for him; Azul's priority was your happiness.

・Though he tried to be discret, pretending it was like another dinner with a friend, he failed; somehow, you knew how to read him, that deep was your bond. He sighed and removed his gloves to touch your hands directly; he caressed your skin, focusing on it as he slowly started speaking, at first it was just a mumbling that slowly turned into coherent sentences.

・Leaning over him to calm him down, he stopped you and asked you to look at him in the eyes. He didn't want you to calm him down, tonight, he wanted to do it on his own. He wanted to show you his will to giving that important step for you, alone. He longed for you to be aware of everything he's up to do. That's when he finally let it go and confess how much he loves you and how he would love to spend the rest of his days on earth and beyond with you.

・You're so moved by his attitude, his attention to the detail, specially since he remembered and prepared everything you like. Even the music, goodness, he chose the perfect ambience for a calm and romantic night, how could you reject him after that? He made you love him more if that was possible. And... a shy kiss, that was enough to melt you.

・He will avoid looking at you in the eye for a while. He's melting on excitement, his beloved, his first real love said "yes"! The whole night, the whole date, he will pamper you a thousand ways. This was just the first date, the first step to ask you out and maybe, going further.

Jade 🐬

・Jade has a romantic notion similar to Azul; while his dorm leader prepares the entire ambience, he prefers stealing a moment, any moment of the day, and make it special with and for you. It doesn't matter if it's morning and you're getting breakfast, if you are just switching classrooms, if you're on the library. He will make it memorable.

・He cares of course about your surroundings, even though he want it to be as natural as possible, he wouldn't like anyone peeking or eavesdropping on your encounter. So, he will use his... Influence to make sure you're not being disturbed when he finally decide to do it.

・Jade will remain calm, quiet, paying attention to every move you make, every reaction to his presence aside you. He will wait, patient, until the distance between you both is close enough to call your name in low, velvety voice; yes, it's a technique to seduce you, but also, to hide his nervousness.

・Your hands are being involved by his hands, caressing the back of yours with tenderness, speaking in low voice about how a wonderful friend you have been for him and the numerous adventures you've had at NRC and the things you've taught and learnt from him.

・Getting lost on his voice explaining how much he has being impressed by humans, you snap back to reality by the mention of your name, the human who has amazed him most by showing another side of the world, the surface but of him too.

・You ask if he's confessing to you and he says yes. He's doing that and he now wants to know what do you think about his feelings, how do you feel about him too and emphasising he won't take it on the wrong way if you say "no".

・Once again, he's silenced by a hug as you whisper a confession back. Well, he has being a good senior with you, but more that that, a friend and a confident. His heart is about to explode of happiness.

Floyd 🦈

・Even though the little mischievous eel is often getting bored, he will not confess it just because. He has a heart too, a romantic side even if it is unbelievable for you or someone as Ace, Deuce, the whole Braincell Squad —but why the hell would they know? Oh, you see... He actually asked them for help.

・He is not a hopeless romantic as his brother or Azul, he had always been relaxed, chilling from here to there with you by his side; everything was just laughter and pranks and running away from the justice —or something like that. But he had never truly had a romantic detail and he actually wanted to.

・He will spend a whole week getting "bored" and busy "working for Azul"; his alibi for making a list, observing you from afar, focusing on write and memorise every single thing you love, what makes you smile, what makes you cry, dammit even what makes you anger. You're about to catch him a couple of times but he always ran away, «not ready» is what he thinks.

・You soon will have a day full of fun, from dawn to dusk, along him. Full of pranks, jokes, food, games, running away from teachers, from dorm leaders. We'll, he even convinced you to leave everything aside to hang out with the Braincell Squad —they didn't have any other option. Otherwise, they'll be friendly squeezed by Floyd until their pale skin turned purple.

・Finally, you got tired. Enough of everything for a day, you have had enough fun for the rest of your life; in spite of it, you were afraid of Floyd. He was nervous as hell and he didn't even bother on hiding it. Less when he sat in front of you on the grass and stared at you with his madness eyes.

・"Koebi-chan, I want to confess!", he shouts out of the blue. You got startled of course, but now he had your entire attention, you keep on asking about what, what is it? What has he done? Then he... "Just that, I want to confess~", he hummed, laying on your lap and then, you get it. He's... Well, saying he loves you, basically.

・Of course you said yes and asked if he was avoiding you because of it. He nodded, and you both bursted in laugh. It was going to be a long, long relationship.

[fallingforyou123]

Cupcakes and Therapy-Meeting

A/N: I'm so sorry this is late, I had it queued up for the wrong day, but it's finally here. This is just the first part, I plan on continuing this with little blurbs after. I hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 2.15k

Warnings: Some language, a panic attack and talks of panic attacks, falcon and the winter soldier spoilers

He woke up in a cold sweat, the last of his nightmare still fresh on his mind. For the third time that night he’d been jolted awake, the idea of sleep slowly slipping away. The sun was just starting to rise, a few rays slipping through the cracks in the blinds. He hadn’t slept through the night since his time in Wakanda. After Steve left him and the fighting stopped, there was nothing keeping his mind occupied anymore.

Slowly, he rose from his makeshift bed on the floor, every inch of his body aching from lack of sleep. He made his way over to the window, looking out at the street below. A new hobby he’d found was people watching, as creepy as it is for an ex-assassin to do, but it calmed him. It brought him back to reality when he felt like he was slipping into a dark place.

He doesn’t realize how long he’s stood there until Alpine starts rubbing up against his leg, meowing loudly. Alpine never fails to remind him just how utterly starving he is after sleeping for 22 hours a day. Bucky makes his way to the kitchen to fill his bowl, making note of all the things he’s running out of, a trip to the market after therapy becoming his plans for the day.

He throws a jacket on over his t-shirt and slips on a pair of gloves before leaving the apartment and making his way to the small coffee shop just around the corner. His routine had started consisting of coming here at ungodly hours of the morning for breakfast before making his way to his weekly therapy sessions.

He walked in and sat at his usual table, the barista on shift coming over with his usual coffee and muffin. Bucky hands her a crumpled 5 with a small smile, before grabbing a newspaper. He doesn’t really read it, he’s not one for politics before noon, but he does it to keep him occupied. It also helps to make it not look like he’s scoping the place out when he sits there for hours a day.

He sits there sipping his coffee and nibbling on his muffin, still too shaken from his nightmare to stomach much. He looks up from the newspaper every now and then to watch the people around him. Sunday mornings make the cafe crowded, couples and groups of friends line the one wall, families taking up space at the tables, and a few solos floating through.

There’s a feeling in his chest that hits him hard as he watches a mom trying to wrangle her daughter as the dad laughs. It hits again as he sees a woman curled into the side of the man beside her, giggling at something he’s whispering in her ear. His eyes shift from person to person, the ache growing strong as his breathing becomes difficult. He stands up abruptly, his knee hitting the table causing his coffee to spill, the few people around him shooting him strange looks. He rushes for the door, barely having time to apologize for bumping into someone.

The heat hits him hard when he steps outside, the feeling of being suffocated only worsening. He can’t think straight, the lack of air in his lungs making him dizzy. He turns into an alleyway, leans against the wall and tries to ground himself. A woman spots him as she walks by, coming over to check on him. She rests her hands on his arms, shaking him gently to get him to focus on her.

“Sir, sir you’ve got to breathe. In, out. Easy, easy. There you go.”

Her voice is smooth, almost melodic, and it does the trick to help calm him. Bucky attempts to follow her breathing, gasps of air slowly turning into steady breaths.

He manages to say a small “Thanks,” between breaths. The girl smiles and lingers a little longer to make sure he’s okay before heading on her way. Bucky’s stuck momentarily, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Suddenly much more tired and willing to go back to bed, he wishes he could head back home and hide for the rest of the day, but he doesn’t want to deal with what’ll happen if he doesn’t show up to therapy.

***

He keeps zoning out as his therapist talks, his mind wandering to what had happened that morning. He was no stranger to panic attacks, but they usually came after a nightmare, not sitting in a coffee shop. And the woman, no ones ever been that quick to help him, not when he looks the way he does. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, her face stuck in his mind.

“James, at least pretend to pay attention.” His therapist's voice knocked him out of his thoughts.

“I’m listening.”

“No you’re not, you’ve got that look on your face that means you’re thinking about your nightmare while telling me you’re not having any.” Her voice is calm, but he knows she’s getting annoyed with him.

“I can assure you, I’m not thinking about a nightmare. I, uh, had a panic attack this morning.” He looks away from her, the confession more than he’s ever shared.

“James, that’s normal. PTSD has a lot of symptoms.”

“No, no this was different. This wasn’t because of a memory or a nightmare. I was sitting drinking coffee, just looking around, and it hit me. I had to leave, spent a while trying to calm myself in an alley. And this woman, she came over and tried to help me. I mean, it worked, but I just, I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid, you’ve got to stop downplaying these things.” She’s really starting to get annoyed now, her voice now having a slight edge to it.

Bucky can’t quite figure out what pisses him off more, knowing she’s right, or how she doesn’t sugar coat things.

“Tell me exactly how it started, what were you doing?”

He groans, not feeling up for a heart to heart at the moment.

“Listen, I told you. I was drinking coffee and looking around. People watching, I guess. Keeps me occupied.”

“Ah,” she sighs. “I think what’s happening is your minds telling you that you’re lonely. Seeing all those people being happy together, it’s something you haven’t had in a while. You need people, James.”

He doesn’t want to hear it and she knows it. It’s all he’s been told for months now. But he’s fine, really. He has weekly lunches with Yori, and Alpine is plenty of company when he’s at home.

“Listen doc, I’m fine.”

“Bullshit. After everything that’s happened to you, being alone is the quietest, most personal hell. And, James, it is very hard to escape it.”

***

The market was crowded today. The mid-summer heat enticing people to spend their days in the sun. Bucky made his way through the rows of stands, stopping to grab various items he thought his fridge was lacking. This had become a weekend routine for him, spending Sunday afternoons trying to create some sort of normality in his life.

He gets distracted momentarily by the sound of a high pitched laugh, forgetting about the bag of fruit being handed to him. It’s then that he spots you, the same girl who helped him in the alley. You’ve traded your hoodie for a tank top and you’ve got a little yellow apron covering you now. There’s a basket of pastries in your hand and you’re laughing with a group of people.

That small ache in his chest makes an appearance again, thoughts racing through his mind. Bucky doesn’t believe in fate, he’s far too old and seen too many things to think it’s real. But in this moment as he watches you, the girl who took time to care for him in a dark alleyway, looking like the world belonged to her, he can’t help thinking that maybe it does exist.

He doesn't know what comes over him, but before he knows it, he’s shoving everything into his bags and heading towards the shop. He doesn’t know what he’ll say, blinded by the need to just be near her. Before he can reach you, you’ve already headed back into the building and stationed yourself behind the counter.

He walks in and is hit with the smell of fresh pastries and he’s brought back to spending weekend mornings baking with his mom and sister. You’re just finishing up with the group, turning your attention to Bucky, “Hi! Welcome to Honey, what can I get for ya?”

Bucky blinks a few times, suddenly losing every ounce of confidence he’d had. “Do you need a few more minutes? Or would you like a suggestion?”

He takes a second to compose himself before replying, “Yeah, um. A suggestion, please?”

He doesn’t understand where his shyness has come from, but you seem to find it endearing. You motion to the display case and start rambling on about each treat, “The orange zest cookies seem to be a fan favourite, personally I like the neapolitan ones the best. We’ve also got every flavour of scone you could imagine if you’re feeling more classy. And oh, this one's new, bourbon pecan nut bars, a little midday pick me up. We’ve also got some fresh sandwiches if you’re looking for lunch. Or if you’re still not sure I can do a sampler box?”

“Yea, I’ll just get one of those, and maybe a sandwich too?”

“Sure thing!”

Bucky watches you fill up a little basket for him, noticing how you add multiples of your favourites. When you head into the back for a moment, he starts figuring out how to bring up this morning without being creepy. He doesn’t want to sound like he stalked you, that would really mess up his shot with you. You finish it up with a fresh sandwich from the back and hand him a neatly wrapped basket. “Alright, is that everything?”

Bucky realizes that this is his last moment to say anything, “Yes, and no. I don’t know if you remember, but I’m the guy who you stopped to help in the alley this morning. I didn’t stalk you or anything, I swear, I was just shopping in the market when I saw you and I thought I’d come over and say thank you.” By this point he’s wishing the ground would open up and swallow him, his face turning extremely red.

“I thought it was you. Don’t worry, I’m not freaked out. It’s no big deal, I’m glad you’re okay. I know how scary panic attacks can be when you’re alone, I’ve had far too many.” You offer him some sympathy, knowing how awful these things can be.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. Thank you again for the help. I’m Bucky by the way.” He reaches his hand out towards you, and when you take you swear you feel something, “Y/N, nice to meet you.” You reply with a smile.

The both of you stand there for a moment, lost in each other, only shaken out of it by the ringing of the door as someone enters. “I should go, I’m still on the clock.” You reluctantly let go of his hand.

“Can I get your number before I leave?” The question takes you by surprise, but you’re quick to put your number in his phone, and he makes a promise to call you later that night.

***

When you arrive home that evening you’ve completely forgotten about the promised phone call, too eager to make dinner and then climb into bed. You’re in the middle of cooking when your phone goes off with an unknown number on the screen. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Bucky.”

That voice fills your ears and your heart stops for a moment. He sounds tired, the raspiness sending a warm shiver throughout your body.

“Hey, yea, how are you?”

The both of you fall into comfortable small talk. He asks you about work and you tell him about all of your favourite moments from the day. You ask him about the pastries you sent him home with and he confesses that his favorite were the oatmeal lemon cookies, they remind him of the ones his mom used to make.

You end up still on the phone with him by the time you’re curled up in bed, barely able to keep your eyes open. “You should go to bed doll, I can hear how tired you are.”

“But where’s the fun in that?”

Bucky laughs, a small little chuckle, and all you want is to be able to hear that sound forever. “Why don’t you come over tomorrow after I’ve closed up the bakery and I’ll teach you to make something?”

“I’d like that. I’ll see you tomorrow doll.”

“See you tomorrow Bucky.”

[skipps-writes-for-gojo-satoru]

Someone made an incredible animation of the scene in hidden inventory where Gojo gets screamed at by teen girls fawning over him, and it's beautiful ✨

https://youtu.be/5l9_O51-YYs

Also, it highlights my previous point that when Gojo's confronted by women flirting with him, he doesn't really do... Anything. He's just chill about it. And the little °^° face he makes and the little confused "hm?" from the manga panel in the beginning could indicate that Gojo might not be hit on by girls as often as we think- Jujutsu sorcerers are busy and have even their time off interrupted on the regular. Other than being mildly amused, we don't see Gojo actively bask or pursue attention from women (other than Utahime ofc, which could be because she's as straight-laced as Nanami).

The little content smile he gives at the end basically says it all: Gojo enjoys the attention, but most likely isn't interested in pursuing anything more than that, including sexual relations (with more reasons from my previous posts).

I could see Gojo being the type to allow himself to appreciate just a bit of affection from random women he encounters on missions and then casually walking off with a lazy wave of his hand- just like he did with Miwa.

The man's on a mission (literally) with the goal to change the world. Virgin Gojo is very possible seeing how unaffected he is by women throwing themselves at him- or at least, he allows himself a moment to enjoy the attention but is quick to dismiss the thought from his mind to focus on his duty.

Honestly, non virgin Gojo is still possible, but unless we see Gojo actually show interest or actively flirt with someone (which seems unlikely), we may never know. To me, analyzing Gojo with his interactions with other characters (not his antics) makes me think it's more likely Gojo is a virgin than not, simply bc the argument for Gojo being a non virgin is his looks and immaturity (or his act of immaturity, we know Gojo thinks in a much more complex way than he lets on) which I'd argue is not an accurate description of his character, because that's only a part of it, and is in fact only what Gojo shows on the surface. And there's plenty of reasons why his lifestyle would make such getaways difficult. Also, Gojo's lack of enthusiasm for it. Gojo allows girls to fawn over him, but he hardly stokes the fire more than just taking off his glasses when they asked him to.

If Gojo was more like Osamu Dazai from Bungou Stray Dogs who flirts with every women he sees, I would have an easier time believing he would not be a virgin, but his lifestyle, behavior, and even his Six Eyes and his goal makes me think he wouldn't choose to constantly go on small getaways like that. Personally, I'd say Gojo spends more of his time plotting and maximizing his efforts on recreating Jujutsu Society.

Really, when Gege said he couldn't see Gojo being faithful to a woman could be because he's already committed to his job. Not because he's out womanizing, but even because the type of woman he'd commit to is so rare. And even if he did find a woman he'd commit to, being the ENTP he is means he's incapable of immediately recognizing and acting on his emotions- not because he doesn't have them, but because they're not really his forté. He'd rather rationalize his behavior than attempt to understand his own feelings. It'll take time and patience, but Gojo committing is still a possibility.

Honestly, I'd like to hear why people would think Gojo's a cheater/womanizer to begin with? Besides him teasing Utahime, Gojo's been pretty respectful to Shoko and Mei Mei. He even complimented and recognized Mei Mei's strength as a sorcerer. He didn't flirt once with the hoard of girls fawning over him. In fact, he was quick to focus on his mission despite the attention. I don't think Gojo's ever even teased Shoko about anything (other than commenting on her terrible way of explaining things, which is more of a fact than teasing). Though, correct me if I'm wrong.

Also, I haven't mentioned Riko much in previous posts and idrk why lol. But while Gojo is dominated by logical thinking, he's emotionally inept enough to notice Riko's mood. He may seem cold in how he comforted her by saying he'd leave her behind, but it's more of his ENTP personality that has him expressing his emotions in a more objective manner- even if it hurts, it's the truth, and that's fine isn't it? (Typical ENTP way of thinking).

Also slight tangent I read that one long meta about Gojo's interaction with Riko someone linked, and I'm completely appalled that they would think Gojo is only "pretending" to have emotions, "mimicking" them even! That he's incapable of truly feeling when in fact it's inherently characteristic of any ENTP to express themselves in a way that, to others, would be considered "cold" and unempathetic. It just goes to show just how misunderstood ENTPs are. They only make up 3% of the world so are often confused for socios/narcs/psychos which is understandable-

But I wanna make one thing clear: all sociopaths could be considered ENTPs. But not all ENTPs are sociopaths. (Switch Socio with psycho/narc/etc and it still works). Why?

Purpose.

Arrogance, boastfulness, unrefined emotional sensitivity, recklessness, impulsiveness- all of those fall below the importance of Purpose. Regardless of how Gojo "acts," it's been expressed time and time again- Gojo acts for the sake of the next generation. Sociopaths/Antisocial Personality Disorder/Psychopaths have one most common defining starting point: "it all starts with cruelty to animals and lack of response to their own actions, or actions of other people."

Let's make it more simple: regardless of whatever end of the spectrum sociopathy can be- high functioning, low functioning- antisocial personality disorder, in it's most simple terms, along with psychopathy and narcissism, condensed into one common trait is very clear: Their actions, while easily blendible into society, are for the sole purpose of pleasuring themselves.

Why don't people notice those with these disorders? Because their *behavior* is so similar to not just the typical ENTP, but also the ISTP AND ESTP. They can easily be mistaken for common members of society, but again: their sole purpose is the pursuit of pleasure themselves, while acting with complete disregard for the consequences of not just their own actions but others'. Staying in one job for extended periods of time is especially rare for a sociopath in particular, and this is one very clear difference between Gojo and a sociopath.

Gojo is willing to spend the rest of his life as a Jujutsu Sorcerer for the sake of others. This sentence alone defies any inclination that he could be a sociopath regardless of any other symptoms commonly associated with sociopathy, such as emotional insensitivity, hostility, risk taking behavior, lack of restraint, and impulsivity- there's a reason such people blend in with society, and that's because such symptoms are common with *any* person, regardless of personality type. Other than with the higher ups, Gojo hardly shows the anger, irritability, or general discontent that a sociopath is most commonly is associated with as their established mood - and even if he did, would being easily irritatable while in the position of the Strongest, the one who carries the burden of establishing a new future of Jujutsu Society on his shoulders alone be so unrealistic? That is why Purpose is so important.

If Gojo truly was a Sociopath, he would have dipped long before Jujutsu Kaisen had even started.

And I apologize for yet another tangent! Someone said Gojo sees his students as weapons or tools to be used in furthering his agenda. While that is not necessarily untrue, the implication is hardly close to reality. Like someone else commented, Gojo goes far and beyond for his students. While he is undoubtedly lacking in his ability to show affection in the most traditional of ways, it's clear that Gojo cares for his students-and others- deeply, whether that be when he went to see Yuta on his business trip to ensure Yuji would be safely taken care of in his absence, when he goes out of his way to personally supervise his students, when he willingly spends a whole day with Nanami just to ask him to mentor Yuji for him (in the Light Novel) regardless of Nanami's disdain, when he turned his Infinity off to allow Yaga to punish him (Gege made it clear in the manga that Gojo had done so to be a good role model for his students and that he recognizes his behavior deserves punishment), and when Gojo commented that he didn't want to think any of his students would be the traitor. Gojo does not express himself as most people do- he's only one of the most misunderstood personality types (on record, along with a few other personalites if you've researched them) and to say people have misinterpreted his character is much more plausible when even in real life, people who behave like Gojo are statistically reported to be misapprehended more often than more populated personality types. When inspected closely, there are so many ways Gojo himself expresses his care for other people, only hidden thinly behind the surface of his lofty attitude and uncaring demeanor. It only takes a few looks at his behavior, not his mouth, to recognize how much he goes out of his way for his students, doing he things that don't necessarily help further his agenda simply because he wants to, not because he has to. Changing the world isn't even something the average person would strive to do, yet Gojo makes it his life goal to accomplish. How could a heartless, emotion mimicking person possibly endure the strife necessary to accomplish such a task? It's appalling.

Gojo is more charitable than most people on the earth, simply because of the perseverance and diligence he takes to withstand the stress and hardships of Jujutsu Society for others. Remember that he chose to become the Strongest, it didn't happen overnight, and in becoming the Strongest, he carries the heaviest burden.

That's without mentioning that even though Gojo is the Strongest, and while to most he seems to proudly state so, it's clear that despite Gojo's antics, he recognizes his weaknesses as a sorcerer and is able to rely on others to make up for them. He had asked Nanami to mentor Yuji because he acknowledged his own flaws as a teacher and that Nanami would have a better capacity than him in that area (in Light Novel). He travelled to see Yuta to ask him to care for Yuji in case something happened to him- and Gojo knows that it's possible that he could be defeated somehow, someway. He's not so deluded to think he's untouchable, even despite his playfulnesses. He is always thinking ahead, calculating his next move while understanding his own shortcomings, acting prudently to ensure a better future.

He is a much deeper and complex character if one only takes the time to look past his antics and analyze his behavior- Something many people in real life seem to miss, and that is the true reason why Gojo struggles to commit.

Sorry for the long tangent and repetitiveness in the beginning lol! Back to the main issue!

Tl;dr there's more evidence of Gojo being a virgin who's more focused on work than pleasure. There's plenty of handsome men who don't seek out sex for reprieve but seek mental stimulation instead for relief. It's totally normal. Gojo could even spend his free time playing video games. He did admit to spending long hours beating 99 years of Momotarou Dentetsu to Geto. He's a gamer, and we know how gamers are commonly known for being virgins lol. Gojo could even be asexual for all we know. He could even be demisexual- someone who doesn't pursue sexual pleasure unless he's made an emotional connection with then. He doesn't necessarily have to even be straight or bi. Therefore, Gojo is very likely to be 28 year old virgin, and there's nothing wrong or strange about that.

Sources: ENTP articles, statistics on mbti rarity, other mbti articles, some quick Google searches, articles on sociopathy, psychopathy, narcissism, and antisocial disorders, etc, the manga, light novels, other metas in threads I remember reading, the anime, graphic organizers

Thanks for reading! 🙏

- 🤔

AHHHH CAN I JUST SAY THE ANIMATION IS DAMN GOOD 🔥🔥🔥 this scene in the manga is absolutely iconic prepare yourselves for season 2 😤 I literally had to stop the video and stare at him...I think one of the reasons Gojo behaved that way is becuz during childhood he probably didn't go out and be around people hence his confused reaction with the screaming teens. I mean everyone enjoys being complimented and getting attention from time to time and gojo is not an exception to this. Yes I definitely agree that when Gege said that he probably meant he's too busy for a relationship. The way it was translated made alot of people confused hence the player/cheater gojo was born. But then also the remember the comment he made when Gojo won the popularity poll? "Pick Nanami instead" ahhh hilarious

MY GAWD 🤔 ANON CAN I JUST SAY THAT YOU'RE AMAZING?! You explained in a way that easy to understand and you made statements backing it up with evidence. I learned from your ask than I ever did in university 😂 wow its truly fascinating though I never knew much personality types especially ENTPs I DON'T BELIEVE FOR ONE SEC GOJO IS A SOCIOPATH OR PSYCHOPATH fight me if you do. Exactly exactly just as anon said "He is a much deeper and complex character if one only takes the time to look past his antics and analyze his behavior." I COULDN'T AGREE MORE 😤 thank you so much for once again educating the community I'm a fan of you 🤔 anon ❤

[bigskydreaming]

You're asked to choose one and only one or DC's future stops existing immediately. your choices:

1. Jason Todd the anti-hero who seldom works with only a couple of the bats he doesn't hate, for example Dick and Cass VS. Jason Todd who came back with healed body but broken spirit, folded back into the Gotham gang and learns to be part of the society again.

2. Tim Drake who makes all of his mistakes as canon but realizes he's been wrong and apologizes to people VS. Tim Drake back in his first iteration, a cute little brother character who is a reader insert and a fun teenager.

3. JayKyle VS DickKyle.

4. Jason Todd with a sword VS. Damian Wayne with a sword.

5. Chris Kent VS. Jon kent.

Okay but which DC future? Its omniversal future? Its hypertime future? Its multiversal future? Its Elseworlds future? Its dark multiverse future? Mwahahaha your threat is useless because the sheer wtf of DC's continuities, timelines and conflicting declarations of what to even call their multiomnihyperverse makes it impossible to target simply A future! DC's overly unnecessarily complicated nature renders it functionally immortal and impossible to ever truly destroy, take that Darkseid.

I mean. But anyway. Whatevs:

1) I honestly do prefer the idea of Jason someday fully reuniting/reintigrating into the Batfam as a whole, because fuck it, the found family I'm here for is the one where they actually act like a family....I just think it takes actual work to get to that point and I get irey when people are like we're here! We found it! And its like meanwhile, abusive dynamics still abound. Mmm. No thank you. But even though I've been on a huge Jason and Dick and Cass kick for like, forever, I do still aim for him having a dynamic of his own with the rest of the family.

Like the thing is, I hate playing the favorites card in families, and I think the emphasis on so and so being Bruce's favorite child or so and so being this kid's favorite sibling, etc, like it really does feel like to the detriment of the whole family, because once you start validating the idea of favorites, ESPECIALLY in a found family that is CONTINUOUSLY growing....I think you're kinda shooting yourself in the foot because you're kinda creating a situation where either no future new additions to the family can EVER be Bruce or one of the kids' 'favorite' or else you're innately positing that said fave status is conditional and even a current fave of Bruce or a sibling can be bumped down the ladder by the addition of a later arrival....

Which is LITERALLY the entire essence of the eternal conflict between Dick and Damian and Tim fans. Its not even that Damian is Dick's favorite, allegedly, its that prior to Damian's very EXISTENCE, fans felt comfortable declaring Tim unilaterally to be Dick's 'favorite'.....and then all it took was the addition of a single family member who had specific NEEDS in regards to Dick's attention and focus, largely because of his age and needing a legal guardian while Tim was old enough to literally jet set around the world on his own.....and like, everything went up in flames in large corners of fandom.

So I'm just like, death to the fave family member myth, its just incredibly counter productive to the idea of found family as a whole especially when it usually only exists to prop up a preferred character as better than others via the proof of see, these other characters say he's their fave or whatever...but also like, its not even necessary?

Because the thing is, you can have Jason reintegrated into the whole family overall, and still prioritize your personal narrative FOCUS on characters you like more than others, like say Dick and Cass.....because of course its natural for even people in the same family to have entirely different DYNAMICS with different family members....and these dynamics don't have to come with a ranking system in order to prioritize which ones you just focus on more in a story. Because its not necessarily that Dick has to be Jason's fave brother, y'know, just for Jason to prefer spending time with Dick simply because he's more comfortable with him due to knowing him longer or being more secure in the idea that Dick doesn't judge him based on their greater shared history.

This doesn't mean that Jason doesn't care for his other siblings, that he can't have strong dynamics with them as well, its just about finding a reason for why these two specifically might be in a story without the others that doesn't demand putting a definitive ranking on which one Jason considers his FAVE. Just like Damian doesn't have to be Dick's FAVE just for them to have the super close canon relationship they have, even relative to the other siblings, because there's everything needed in canon already to establish that the mere fact of Dick essentially RAISING Damian for a year, and being the first one in the family to really take a chance on Damian, like, this lends itself naturally to them maybe more naturally gravitating towards each other than other siblings due to comfort level and familiarity, etc, but it doesn't have to be like....oh but yeah, I just like Damian more than you, Tim, y'know?

So my answer on this one is a total cop out of both, both is good. Jason totally reintegrated back into the family, but with dynamics that still lend themselves fairly easily towards story lineups where its just him running missions with Dick or Duke or any other one or two specific family members even if for no other reason than they gel together best in the field, y'know?

2) Hmm. I honestly really do love and miss 90s Tim Drake and just....don't see him in a lot of what I read these days. I'm like no, why did he have to go, he was doing so well! BUT I'm also on a big accountability kick, and like, I'm so steeped in fics where Dick GROVELS for forgiveness for every little slight he's ever done real or imagined, with every character but Tim in particular, so its like.....I'm not gonna lie, I really have a preference these days for seeing stuff where its literally anyone actually owning up to shit they've done to Dick and apologizing or groveling or making it to HIM, like, completely unconditionally. In the same manner we usually see Dick apologizing, glossing over any reasons he might have had for doing what he did or feeling the way he did, and saying oh it doesn't matter, putting the entirety of his focus on what HE did and why it was wrong no matter what and he's sorry.....that's what I would kill to see from more fics, just in reverse.

Because so often even in the all too rare fics where we DO see other characters apologizing to Dick for shit, its watered down with Dick volunteering that oh he messed up too, it was a two way street, and its like no! This is Pettiness Hours! I want the unconditional apologies! Give me the groveling! From anyone, I don't care at this point, lol, just show me characters actually PUTTING IN THE WORK to make it up to Dick for harm they've caused him, even if completely unintentionally or via neglecting his feelings or considering the repercussions their actions or words would have on him. Aaaaaaand, frankly, Tim's a good place to start there, because of how one sided all the takes on their conflicts have been for so many years. I mean, if people need a place to start, Batman and Robin Eternal gets enough praise it can't be pretended that people in fandom don't know that story exists, so how about some stories where Tim says he's fucking sorry for punching Dick in issue #4 or #5 of that one, and it was uncalled for and he was clearly just looking for an excuse to unleash some more of his resentment and upset for the Spyral/Forever Evil stuff, and family deciding that its totally okay to punch Dick whenever they're mad at him and need to work off some aggression so they can then finally forgive him (for now) is a trend that needs to die in a fire post-haste? I mean just as an example.

But the thing that kills me about fanfic trends is like....the sameness of so much of it. There's SO much room for variety and diverse takes, and like....I don't actually hate Tim! I'm just cranky because of the imbalanced nature of most content out there for literal years at this point. Push the pendulum BACK in the other direction, create some balance by showing the flip side of things.....and that leaves a lot more room for me and others of like minds to then be more amenable to - and even interested in - other stories that don't scratch this particular itch, but don't need to, because other stories are doing the scratching by then, y'know?

And THEN like, at that point, I would be ALL FOR more stories that are just callbacks to classic 90s Tim who I adore, with his skateboarding and his EARNESTNESS and his go-get-em spirit and also the gumption. All the gumption. I like that Tim. I do miss that Tim. But like, for the moment, like, I want accountable Tim because I am tiiiiiiiired of groveling Dick and tbh at this point its not enough for me to just see people move past putting Dick in that position and just have mutually respective and doting brothers Dick and Tim having adventures together......nah, first I want some reciprocation. Ngl. Gimme the apologies for actual mistakes actually made.

3) DickKyle. Easy question, c'mon, you gotta know that. LOL. ;)

But yeah, I've been shipping these two off their like, two shared pages from way back in the Obsidian Age story years before Jason even returned, let alone was in Countdown together with Kyle, so like, its no contest. I don't mind JayKyle, I certainly prefer it to JayRoy tbh, but there's not a ton of appeal in it for me, particularly in how its usually depicted, because like....the entire basis of JayKyle is that they DO have stories together and spent a whole year worth of weekly issues traveling the multiverse together in Countdown.....but there's like, practically no trace of their actual dynamics from that series or any specifics of literally any issue from that entire comic in most fics I’ve read, so its like.....idk, it tends to come across as more generic, not in the sense that it cant still be interesting, but more in the sense that it feels like just someone paired with Jason just because history between them EXISTS without any interest in exploring what that history actually IS....and at that point, its like, well there's no reason TO prioritize that ship over DickKyle for me personally, when like, I have a shit ton of headcanon reasons for why those two in a pairing specifically. *Shrugs* My logic. Its not for everyone, but it works for me.

4) Jason with a sword or Damian with a sword? I don't understand the question. Both. Both is good. All the characters should have swords. Swords are awesome.

5) Chris Kent vs Jon Kent - oof. I adore Jon, I really do. I love his dynamic with Damian, I love a lot of their specific stories, the parallels between them as friends and Bruce and Clark as friends....its all very bien. But I gotta give this one to Chris, because I'm always gonna have a soft spot for him because I'm a sucker for all abused kid heroes, and I just miss that funky little dude so much. There's so many stories we didn't get with him and were just ripe for the picking, but nooooo, DC's like lol you can't have nice things, here we just rebooted the entire multiverse and now Clark and Lois never adopted the son of Clark's worst Kryptonian rival and raised him with tender love and care awww does that make you sad, were you invested in him, WELL TOO BAD, HE'S GONE NOW AND BASICALLY NEVER EXISTED, NOW GIVE US YOUR MONEY ANYWAY MWAHAHAHAHAH.

Yeah. I'm still not over that. Probably will never be tbh, so I with great grudge-bearing do affirm that I'm gonna go with Chris on this one and like, he is a Priority for me and I'm still very keen on the idea of him and Duke being besties for random reasons that might not make sense to anyone but me, but eh, whatever.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

White Lies (Pt. 07 of 21)

Pairing: Keanu Reeves X Reader

Word count: 2.4 K

Summary: Keanu found the girl almost dead, in the wrecks of what was once her car. While she was in surgery, stuck in a coma, he gathered the best doctors of New York to attend to her. They told him she is likely to have some kind of brain damage, what may lead to memory loss. And this possibility added up wit the fact that she's pregnant, made the council come up with an odd idea. They asked Keanu to pretend to be her husband, since the stress of finding out everything that happened could put the baby in danger. He reluctantly agreed, but only if she does has some kind of memory loss. He still goes she'll wake up soon, with her memories intact.

But when you finally wake up, there's nothing inside. You're quick to find your head is empty, void, like a blank canvas. The only thing that brings you some relief, that makes you feel less lonely is the mention of a husband. And you can't wait to meet him, because you know you can't deal with this by yourself.

<- Previous part (06)

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{Keanu Reeves Masterlist}

{John Wick Masterlist}

×

Attraction

“It's so tiny.” You say, looking at the ultrasound picture you just got from your baby. It's week twelve, and the first trimester is almost over. You'll feel less uncomfortable, or so say the doctors, but a lot of different things are going to happen. You're excited about that. “And beautiful.” Walking fast, you let Keanu guide you through the hospital since you're a bit late to meet with Dr. Harris.

“Do you want a boy or a girl?” He asks, looking down at you.

“Boy.” You're quick to answer, smiling at him. “And I know you want a girl.”

“You know me so well.” He mutters when you reach Dr. Harris's office. “I'll leave you to it and go talk with Dr. Wright.”

“Alright.” Tiptoeing, you place a quick kiss on his cheek before heading inside, fast enough so he won't get a look at your blushing cheeks.

Dr. Harris stands up when she sees you, a smile on her lips. “Mrs. Reeves, good morning.” She says, gesturing for you to seat on the divan next to her. “How are you feeling today?”

Dr. Harris is great, but everything she asks is part of the appointment. You don't mind though, she helps a lot to put your thoughts in place. “I'm great. The first trimester is almost over and... Everything is great. Keanu and I are getting along very well.” You decide to bring your husband into the conversation because she'll ask about him anyway.

“That's very good to hear.” You settle down on the divan, pulling your legs up as she takes her place on the armchair. “Have you and Mr. Reeves spoken about the future of your marriage?”

“We'll try.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Elaborate, (Y/N). Dr. Harris never takes the short answer. “We'll try to make it work. I don't want the accident to break apart a good marriage so...” Running a hand through your hair, you sigh. “We had this settled a while ago, and it's been working well so far.”

“Have you and Mr. Reeves ever gotten... Intimate?”

The question makes you move in your seat, sitting up straight. “We hug a lot... And kisses on cheeks are frequent.” You two are growing closer, and you're happy to feel that he's not pushing himself away to make you comfortable. Keanu is letting you set the pace, and it's up to you to chose what step to take next.

“That was not what I meant.” She adds. “I asked if you and your husband have been... Romantically intimate.”

“Oh...” Clearing your throat, you bite your lip. You weren't expecting that, and you don't need this... Image in your head. Not when you've been thinking about kissing him ever since Lucia visited. “No, no. There's the baby so...”

“First of all, this is a common myth about pregnancy.” Resting her notebook on her lap, Dr. Harris looks at you. She's reading you, you know it. “It wouldn't hurt the baby in any way. But this isn't the point. I just need to know if Mr. Reeves tried to approach you that way, and if he did, how you felt about it.”

You're as red as a tomato now, you're sure of it. “Keanu is... Respectful. He doesn't push me into anything. We're... I'm still sleeping in the guest room and he's completely fine with it.” Why does everyone is so worried about Keanu trying to get intimate? He's your husband, it's only natural.

“And won't you sleep on the same bed with your husband?”

“I don't know.” She asks too many questions, and you don't usually have much time from one topic to the other. It makes your head hurt a little, having to deal with so many feelings and situations. “Maybe I should because... Because I really like being around him. I'm just waiting until I'm ready, I think.”

“And when do you think that will be?”

Sighing, you don't know what to answer. And you don't want to. Maybe Dr. Harris doesn't have to know everything. Some things are better if kept in between you and Keanu.

Dr. Wright's words are in the background as his mind floats away. (Y/N) is everything he can think about. Time and time again he's caught in the lie he built, wanting, wishing it was real. He knows he shouldn't let this happen. He knows he shouldn't let himself have feelings for her, but how could he not?

(Y/N) isn't just beautiful. She's kind, honest, caring. He never thought he would feel this way towards a woman. And it sometimes makes him angry that this didn't happen differently. That he didn't meet her, before she was married of course, maybe in the same way he told her about their fake first meeting. In an airport, where he'd approach her, talk to her, and if he was lucky, get her number. So things would be right.

“Mr. Reeves?”

“Yes.” He clears his throat, moving on his seat. “The headaches are still constant. Almost every day she complains about it, but they're less intense.” He's impressed that he was able to answer the doctor correctly. “But other than that, she's doing well.”

“That's good.” And he goes on again, basically repeating himself, saying things Keanu already knows by heart.

He knows what to do. He knows he has to call emergency if (Y/N) faints. Or if she feels too sleepy. He knows all the little things he has to pay attention to. As if he didn't have his eyes on her all the damn time.

Keanu loves watching her. When she's lying down watching TV, both her legs over his, a hand on her belly. When she cooks, not allowing him to help sometimes, as she moves around the kitchen. And God, her laughter. It lights up his whole world. Keanu thinks he could literally die if he goes too long without a flash of her smile.

“That will be all, I guess.” Dr. Wright says, taking one last look at his papers. “If you need anything, you can always call me.”

“Thank you, Dr. Wright.” He says, standing up to his feet and shaking the man's hand.

Keanu makes his way through the halls, to Dr. Harris' office. Once he's there, he peeks through the rectangular window on the door. She's seated on the divan, facing the doctor, legs crossed, and hands on her lap. He can hear their voices, low, but clear enough since the hall is empty and silent.

He doesn't want to listen. This is between her and her psychologist, and if there's anything she wants him to know, she'll tell him about it. But when he hears his name... His unconsciously listening, it doesn't matter how hard he tries to focus on his phone.

“How would you describe your feelings for Mr. Reeves?” The question has him full alert, holding his breath.

“Well... They're... Growing.” She answers, clearly a little confused. “I know that's not what you're expecting me to say but...”

“It's alright if you don't want to talk about it.”

“It's not that I don't want to talk about it, I just...” Her voice fades, and Keanu rests his back against the wall, trying to listen better. “I want things to fall in place before talking to you. I know I'm supposed to tell you everything and you do help me, but... I don't know. There are a lot of things I just don't know yet.”

“That's completely fine.” The doctor says, and a pause follows. “And what do you think Mr. Reeves feels for you?”

Keanu freezes, holding his breath once again. What will she answer? He feels guilty for listening, but this is something he needs to know. Closing his eyes shut, he tries to hear her voice above the pounding noise of his heart.

“He says he loves me.”

“And do you believe it?”

Silence again. For long seconds, almost a lifetime. “I do, I just... I was hoping he'd be more... Touchy, I think?” She giggles, nervously. “But he already told me that he'll let me set the pace in things, so...”

“Mr. Reeves is quite a gentleman.” Dr. Harris' says, and Keanu chuckles. “He won't push you, and that's good. Not many men would be so patient.”

“I know... Keanu is... Absolutely amazing.” (Y/N) mutters, and Keanu releases his breath, his lungs burning to the sensation.

“Well, this will be it for today.” Dr. Harris says, and he sets in motion, getting up to his feet. Running a hand through his hair, he stares at the door, waiting for her to show up. And when she does, he gets the same feeling he always has when he sees her. Like his world stops, like his heart will jump off his chest. It doesn't matter how much time he spends around her, this sensation never goes away. She's a sight for sore eyes, unbelievably beautiful.

The drive home is peaceful, and Keanu stops to get you ice cream. Back home, you both make lunch and eat together in the kitchen. Then you go take a nap, only to wake up when the sun is setting.

Making your way through the house, looking for Keanu, you start thinking he's out when you hear something coming from the garage. Bracing yourself from the cold, you go there, smiling to see Keanu in the back. You know he loves motorcycles, and he has three. Well, he has three now, since the new one just got here a week ago. Silently, you walk past the two cars, watching as he rubs a piece of fabric on the bike's seat.

“Hey.” You announce yourself, leaning against the hood of the nearest car.

“Hi, beautiful.” Keanu's eyes lay on you, as he moves to stand up straight.

“When will you take me on a ride?” The idea just came to your head, and you can't help but imagine what it would feel like. Speeding through the streets with the wind on your hair, holding on to Keanu...

“We can go around the neighborhood. But I don't think it's a good idea to good further yet. You're still recovering and there's the baby.” As he speaks, you walk over him, giving the new bike a look. The machine is huge, probably very heavy, and it suits him very well.

“Alright.” You agree, gesturing at the bike. “Can I... Can I ask something?”

“Sure.” Throwing the rag he was using on the wooden table in the corner, he lightly touches your thigh. “What is it?”

Blushing, you look down, touching the leather seat of the bike. “Do you find me attractive?” The words come out so low you wonder if he actually heard you.

“Why are you asking me that?”

“I asked first.” You burst out, putting a strand of hair behind your ear, glancing at him before turning your eyes at the bike.

“Yes.” He simply says in a soft voice. “You're a beautiful woman.” With his index finger under your chin, he makes you look at him again. “Why did you ask me that?”

“I... I really wanted to know.” Almost involuntary, you give a tiny step forward, standing on your toes just a little bit.

“Does it goes both ways?”

His question makes you giggle. “You're really asking if I find you attractive?”

“I really want to know,” Keanu whispers, his hands sliding to caress your cheek.

“Of course I do.” You whisper too, your hands coming to lay on his sides, holding on to his shirt. “Ke... Can I ask for something?”

“Anything, beautiful.” He assures you, and your eyes are locked on his lips. You need to feel them. You can't wait anymore, you're ready for this, right now.

“Kiss me.” You plead, tiptoeing, both hands grabbing a fist full of the fabric of his shirt.

“Are you sure?”

“I am.” You expect him to hesitate, as he usually does, but it's different now.

Keanu bends down, and you close your eyes to feel his lips brushing on yours. It's like sweet torture, the anticipation. At first, he only pecks your lips, quick and soft, but he doesn't pull away after. You're holding your breath, a little numb from the proximity, hands moving from his sides to grab the collar of his shirt, fearful he'll step away. He doesn't. Instead, you feel his lips on yours again, slowly at first, as your mind goes blank for a moment. Everything else fades away, and nothing else matters. His hands come to your waist, holding, grounding you. You're moving closer, wanting to climb on him. You're not thinking straight, but it doesn't matter. Pulling away just to catch your breath, you quickly kiss him again, parting your lips to let him in, deepening the kiss.

There's a burning sensation spreading through your body, but you don't fight it. You let it sink in, take over. But you need to breathe, your lungs screaming for a break, so you pull apart, still holding him close.

“Was this ok?” Keanu asks, his hands moving away from your body.

“Absolutely.” You assure him, nodding, still not ready to let go of him. “It was good... Right?”

“It was amazing.” With a hand on your cheek, Keanu smiles before capturing your lips on another kiss.

×

@multific @inumorph @aestheticallywinchester @bvbwestfall @liviiii98 @allie1804-fan @gian-giannina @playboygeniusphilanthropist @partypoison00 @mariafetamina @fortheloveoffanfic @trin303

[sunseteyes]

FLUFFVEMBER DAY 12: ATSUMU MIYA

prompt: couple’s quiz (prompts are by @jojosmilktea)

word count: 1,766 words | themes: gen!reader. youtuber!reader. fLUFF. i got carried away but this is pretty domestic honestly.

tags: @kacchanori @chickynn @todominica @sparkleswritings @brinthie @patricia-ceballos @giyuus-wife @bitchtrynafck @astrxrism @animatedarchives @deephasoceanmagic @strawberrysalwa (send a dm/ask to be added!)

rv: i know i did say atsumu’s love language here is different but love languages can change especially when you’re already in a relationship. i actually answered the quiz this time in atsumu’s perspective and it’s very difficult but yeah it has to happen lmao. i pretty much agree with the results and yes don’t take it so seriously because i’m not atsumu himself and well this is just from my own perspective, hopefully it was close enough to his character. special mention to my honey @liliannyah nia i’m tagging you here because i know you’ll be simping on tsum tsum here ya go hun

✒︎ love language

mornings with atsumu are peaceful. afternoons are full of fun, and well evenings are the best. that's usually because; around these times are when atsumu is at his best and most positive energy throughout the day.

however for you, you had a schedule beforehand and you have plans on how to spend your day, and it's with atsumu.

"hey babe, can you film with me today?" you situated yourself by the doorway of your shared bedroom, seeing the dirty blonde specks of his hair peaking under the blankets that was covering his body, the rays of light coming from the sun, escaping the gaps from the thin fabric of the curtains by your window. you wanted him to rest as much as he can since he doesn't usually have cancelled trainings, however this is also the best time for you to bond with him more, and you've got the perfect idea for that in your mind.

all he need to do is wake up and-

"i want to sleep." atsumu's voice overcomes the silence, however muffled it was. a frown forms on your lips as you made your way next to the bed, pulling the covers from his form just for him to groan and try to pull it back.

"i want to sleep, (y/n). five more minutes." he has his eyes closed as the fringes of his hair tried to protect them from the brightness of the surroundings, even from you.

atsumu must have felt the bed dip as you sat on his side, his brows furrowing at the faintness of your touch when you reached out to brush his strands away from his handsome face. you grazed lightly on his forehead, removing the sweat that must have formed due to the warmth that summer brought to the temperature.

your frown curls upwards as you admired how atsumu leans onto your hand, even for just a second. you skimmed your hand on your shirt before leaning forward and faced atsumu with an arm supporting your head on the pillow.

"you have to wake up, tsumu. i've got breakfast ready." you sang to him gently, still looking at his face with awe and wonder. most of the time, you question yourself how you got a guy like this. in those silent moments where you just feel so lucky how someone like atsumu miya could love someone like you.

"you're looking at me like that again."

you were broken from your trance as you were met by his gaze, not even looking at you before he said those words.

"what is it?" he breathes out as he closed his eyes again, now snuggling his way towards your form. you sighed and brushes his hair again, feeling out its softness despite the fact that it was dyed and it should be dry under your touch if it weren't for how atsumu takes very good care for it.

"come on, tsumu. the food will get cold." you say, only to feel him slide his arms by your waist, pulling you closer to him, embracing you even.

however no matter how much you liked it, you pushed him away, "tsumu! we're going to film today, wake up!" you whined, prying away from his grasp.

"film?" his face brightens up in almost an instant, his eyelids opening at the same time. "we? you said we?"

you smile at his reaction, relaxing and nodding your head. "yeah, i did, i literally said it five minutes ago. don't you want to?"

"of course i do!" he sits up, an evident pout on his lips. "why didn't ya say so? y'know how long i've been waiting for this day. i don't really get why you keep me from yer subscribers if you loved them so much."

you sat up as well, grinning in amusement. "you really like the attention, do you?"

"wha-? no i don't."

"oh my dear tsumu, you do." you giggle and climbed out of the bed. "come on let's eat first. i already set up everything so we can film right after eating."

time passes by and before you know it, you and atsumu were already in front of the camera, the lights not bothering you anymore with how you were so used to having them around you. atsumu also seemed to be in the similar situation and was much more comfortable with where he was situated, as if this was his moment.

after all, you made him wait for a long time before finally deciding to show him in front of the whole world.

“is this live?”

you nod at him, “yeah, are you nervous?”

“huh-me, nervous? ‘course not.” he scoffs but as you poke his chest and stopped there for awhile, you gave him a smirk, to which he merely slaps your hand away and pouts away.

“hello there! how’s everyone?” you immediately smile at the camera, your laptop showing the bountiful of comments that spams in an instant. you could see atsumu’s reflection on the screen, his grin wide and slightly bit awkward, but it’s not what your fans are commenting about.

“uh-so you guys probably guessed who our guest is.” you smirk, glancing sideways at atsumu. “and yes, he’s my boyfriend. say hello, tsumu.”

atsumu was a natural as he introduces himself on the screen, a welcoming smile on his face, as if he had been filming for a vlog as long as you do and that he was completely adjusting with the situation. you couldn’t help but curve your lips upwards in turn, nodding off eventually at whatever he was saying.

“so! today we, me and atsumu are going to answer a quiz in front of everyone.”

“a quiz?”

“yep! a couple’s quiz.” you purposely didn’t inform atsumu beforehand what you will do and you explained it on the screen as all the attention turns to you.

“what? you scared, tsumu?” you teased him and he juts his lower lips as a reaction.

“‘course not. i’m gonna answer each of them like a pro.”

you laughed heartily as you grabbed your phone, handing atsumu out his at the same time. “me and atsumu are going to answer a couple’s love language quiz and compare our love languages. you guys can answer with us if you like, just search it up on your search engines,” leaning forward, you muttered with “i’m not gonna tell the site coz y’know this is not really a sponsored video.”

your hand suddenly found itself on top of atsumu’s as you explain the five love languages briefly, feeling his gaze on yours despite not looking at him directly. you have no idea if he was paying attention with your ramblings but if he’s busy admiring you, you’re too humble to even think about it.

or not.

“so, are you ready tsumu?” he was cut off of his trance and he pretends he was alright when he smiles in the camera and answers enthusiastically.

“but what if i like both?”

“there’s no option for both tsumu.”

“but i like hugging you and receiving letters. remember when you confessed to me with a-“

your hand immediately shoots up to his mouth and he chuckles in delight in the victory of having to tease you in front of your fans. by now you’re wondering if you should regret having atsumu for the first time in your vlog in live.

“these questions are really difficult.” you say, finding yourself stuck into yet again an array of indecisiveness.

“where are you already?”

“i’m at 23%” you answer, glancing up at atsumu. “‘bout you?”

“30%,” he says, shooting an eye at the camera. “(y/n)’s really slow especially when answering these types of quizzes. they’re that indecisive.”

“what-“

“i’m the decisive one in this relationship. that’s why i have to always ask them three hours before our date which place they would like to eat at.”

you gave up on reprimanding atsumu as you focused on your questionnaire, picking an answer as atsumu chats with your fans who commented about how they noticed about it too.

“see? your fans agree to me. we’re already best of friends.”

you shook your head as you found yourself grinning from atsumu’s words.

“oh- a back rub seems nice.” you heard him mutter later on and when you glanced at him, he was not looking at you but you could tell with how he gripped on his shoulders that he’d need one sooner or later after the film.

it was not unusual for you to massage him every once in awhile, or maybe more than that. that habit actually started way before you two had gotten together and he always told you how you’re good with your hands. he admitted one morning after some time of being officially a couple that he liked your massages a lot.

atsumu finishes the quiz first before you and he takes the initiative of talking with your fans as you finish up yours. you laugh along with them every time atsumu attempts to make a joke and read along the lines of the comments section.

“yay i’m done!”

atsumu turns to you with a “took you long enough” but he places a hand by your knee, his attention now on yours. “so, what did you get?”

“my highest is quality time!” you leaned to the camera lens as you showed your results to the screen, making sure that you were able to really make it visible. “followed by receiving gifts and physical touch. how about you, ‘tsumu? what’d you get?”

he places his phone next to yours before he answers with a bright smile. “i got the same too! looks like me and (y/n) are real meant to be, don’t you think?”

you could feel your cheeks burn especially when he pulls his phone away and reaches out to your side just to place his hand on your waist, keeping it there like a protective and proud boyfriend he is. you were speechless for awhile and it was a good thing that atsumu led the conversation on in your silence. whether it was intentional or not, that you didn’t know.

but now that you realized it, atsumu and you had the same results most probably because both of you wanted to spend more time and moments like this with each other. sooner than later, he’ll be busy with trainings again and you with your vlogs.

feeling that familiar sense of radiance in your chest, you leaned your head on atsumu’s shoulders, once again feeling lucky to have him by your side, even with the littlest of times.