ironiedevivre

[ironiedevivre]

“I miss the parts of you that I know I’ll never find again in anyone else.”

- S. C. C.

[ironiedevivre]

best friends can break your heart.

you can look back at pictures and feel empty. you can be reminded of them by every little thing. you can almost break down seeing them on social media with someone else, smiling like you guys used to. you can want to text or call but know you can’t do that anymore. you can miss them and feel yourself aching to talk to them one more time to try to fix it.

friends can break your heart. we just don’t talk about it.

[ironiedevivre]

why does every time always leave me feeling so used... any time you needed me, i was there. i stayed up all night sewing masks for your grandmother's funeral. you ran out of meds, i shared mine. forked out $100 i didn't have for a corset i've still never worn. gave advice when you asked for it. celebrated your successes with you and cared for your family. even when we disagreed on fandom shit or whatever, i stayed.

what the fuck did i do???

[ironiedevivre]

But please tell me this, why did you drop me so quick like I never meant anything to you? Like you never actually cared about me?

[ironiedevivre]

Im not wanted anywhere 072523

[ironiedevivre]

[ironiedevivre]

𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞

[ironiedevivre]

i feel like such a loser, i can’t do anything properly

anything i touch - i ruin it

i’m just a burden for everyone around me

[ironiedevivre]

Yeah it's perfectly okay to cut people off if they drain your energy but remember that people are not plants. And you are not gardening. Okay, bad analogy but here me out. People are people. Not trash that you take them out because it's stinking and you're sick of it. Sure, there are very trashy people. But ask yourself this: Am I cutting this person out of my life because they suck or because they did this thing to piss me off and I don't have the energy or courage to confront them about it? I say this time and again. This doesn't apply for abusive people. Ghost them. Run for your life and sanity. But with everyone else? That person who's been your friend for 10 years or that boy you went out with for 2 dates, respect them a little more. Have a conversation. Say a goodbye. Don't just label every person who doesn't agree with everything you say and do and doesn't vibe with you all the time as "toxic" and write them off. It's very difficult to understand each other and we're often never on the same page as others. If we don't try, if we don't even encourage a discussion, how are we going to survive as a society? How are we going to remain emotionally intelligent animals? Do we really want to back track evolution? Can we really not just give a person a chance? Or are we so woke that we are going to post about boundaries and mental well being and compassion on our Instagram stories every week but forget that, rather willfully ignore that, people are not to be discarded at the first sign of something unpleasant or inconvenient.

[ironiedevivre]

am i just broken?

am i beyond repair?

i am, aren't i?

i'm broken

[ironiedevivre]

im a terrible person.

[ironiedevivre]

[ironiedevivre]

[ironiedevivre]

i will never be enough for anyone, will i?

[ironiedevivre]

ⁿᵒᵇᵒᵈʸ ʷᵃⁿᵗˢ ᵐᵉ ᵃʳᵒᵘⁿᵈ⋅

[ironiedevivre]

the loneliness is literally eating me alive

[ironiedevivre]

i've been too scared to draw any attention to myself, to make any move you wouldn't like. i muted your name(s) because it hurt too much to see them. i tried to be so careful, but you were already gone.

i have few memories without you in them. even when making a major life decision for myself, i was factoring in how it would affect you... only to never hear from you again.

you were still my chosen family. you always were.

i really don't know how to accept that you've ghosted me. i don't know how to be strangers again. part of me still thinks it's just a misunderstanding and you'll appear again as if nothing happened at all. (if this is what you wanted, why didn't you tell me? after all this time, i didn't even deserve that much? what did i do?????) i really, really don't know what to do.