#will i never be able to be dependably good
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bunnydoobles · 2 days ago
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i have several but my main ones are Dames and Andy
march 5th!! >_<
3 years!! looking to top that :3
i really like The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
my nose and art abilities :(
Crispin Glover, Christopher Lloyd (both young and old, he's so silly), Rob Paulsen, Ewan McGegor, Brandon Rogers 
Sasha Calle, Lea Thompson, Kat Dennings, Winona Ryder, Laufey Lín Bing Jónsdóttir
i'm aiming for a career in theatre but my fallback is something in visual arts
having the courage and energy to post my art again!! and making new friends! 
hmm... i'm not sure actually? i'm not all that remarkable i don't have too many interesting facts haha! ^_^"
my highs; being able to sort through something really personal and hard for me with my beloved boyfriend, making time to hang out with my good friends, and being more confident about myself and my body and personality!! 
my lows; unfortunately being a little slow and airheaded and misunderstanding situations between me and my friends and my boyfriend, being horribly lonely and sick because i was stuck in the house bedrotting-, and that's about it!!
where my mother grew up in Japan! or visiting my family in the Philippines <33
MUSIC HAS SAVED MY LIFE!! (and occasionally forcing myself to draw something, at least a doodle or so) 
most likely Spotify + TikTok haha :3
Oh, god- Um- Uh- WAIT AM I GOING ALREADY? 
my eyes :D
drawing! and singing (i like to think) 
dancing- i can't dance to save my life, i'm wayyy too stiff (but i've been trying to take classes/get into it!!)
"I thought *you* drank the soda." (I, in fact, drank my mother's soda) 
um... did you know Wakko Warner from Animaniacs was inspired by Ringo Starr from The Beatles? :3
my lover, Mikey- and my best friend, Lili 
either my beloved record player or the necklace Mikey got me
5 or 6 years?? before i royally screwed it up-
making my first purchase without my parents allll by myself! >_<
i wanted to get into baseball but alas, i'm not cut out for it
pretty good! just got home from my gal pal's house hehe
both! i am perpetually tired 
hmm.. no, not necessarily! but i fell for my bf "love at first art piece"! 
you've got a 9 to 5, so i'll take the night shift / and i'll never see you again if i can help it
eating sweets and listening to my favorite music, drawing my ocs, and/or ranting about my useless interests 
Mitski, Jhariah, Billy Joel 
literally everything! i overthink a lot
when people call things "cringe" or bully others if they're having harmless fun instead of just... i dunno? walking/scrolling away?
again, literally everything! i'm very emotional- i cry at anything 
depends on the environment and my mood but most all the time i'm just a fuckin weirdo- the people i click with usually say i'm funny and pleasant to be around so! there's that! 
what flavor of toothpaste do you use? (did i do that right???)
sorry if i did that wrong, i wrote this all on my notes app LMAO! x3
Question Game
Are we tired of these yet?
What is your nickname?
When is your birthday?
What was your longest relationship?
What is your favorite book?
What is something you're insecure about?
5 Male celebrity crushes
5 Female celebrity crushes
What is your dream job?
What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?
What is a fact about you that nobody would believe?
What were your highs and lows for this last month?
Where is somewhere you'd like to visit?
How do you de-stress?
What are your favorite apps besides tumblr?
Describe yourself in one sentence.
What do you think makes you attractive?
What is something you're really good at?
What is something you're really bad at?
A time that you told a lie.
What's a totally random and useless fact that you know?
Who knows you the best?
What is your most prized possession?
What is your longest friendship?
When did you first feel like an adult?
Do you/ Have you played any sports?
How are you feeling right now?
Are you an early bird or a night owl?
Do you believe in love at first sight?
Favorite song lyrics right now?
What does self care look like for you?
Describe yourself with 3 singers.
What makes you nervous?
What’s a pet peeve you have?
What will always make you cry?
What kind of first impression do you think you make on people?
Free Pass! (Ask any question you want that's not on the list)
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marikosfragrance · 3 days ago
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BLUE LOCK
<*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*>
Characters : Seishiro Nagi, Mikage Reo, Shidou Ryusei, Bachira Meguru
Contents : My thoughts on whether or not they'll actually fall in love? Depending on the character, how long will it take? And what conditions must be met for it to happen? And, depending on the character, will they not fall in love at all?
Note : Please keep in mind that this is my own interpretation of how characters will take on this situation and act on them, I don’t however assume and force this into a canonical aspect, I am not the creator of Blue Lock so take this post however you'd like if it is canon enough for you, or if it isnt, everyone has their own interpretations on each characters, but I am merely showcasing how I interpreted them, taking heed of the information in the manga and anime at hand, as I am trying to understand their character. There might be some information that lacks, maybe in the case of shidou, but it is only because we havent caught a glimpse of his past yet, and thus I am unable to fully grasp his entire characters, but once again, this is just my own interpretation. Thank you, and enjoy reading.
Nagi Seishiro
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Can they fall in love? : Too lazy for it. I am sure Nagi can feel things, and develop feelings, but he wouldn't outright desire for the feeling of love. Nagi is described as laid back, unbothered, and deems hard work as an irrelevance. In the Nagi movie, this is further proved when he mentions how working hard, for academics, clubs, and love is a hassle and too much work for him. He sees himself in a future where he isn't working, is living good and satisfied and he sees it as enough for him.
But then again—
Nagi is no doubt still a human. So despite him not seeing it in his future, there is no room for guarante that he won't fall in love especially with the right person for him. Nagi fits into one of those tropes where the character can fall in love and develop feelings for someone, but they never envision it for themselves, yet they find it coming to them at the most unexpected times, then suddenly their whole view on it changes and they see themselves being with that person. Nagi wouldn't directly try and find love, he isn't desperate nor does he feel like it. However, in his case, if he were to fall in love, it would be in a situation where love comes to him.
How long would it take? : 5-6 months? Nagi might start falling in love in that duration, but he won't recognize the feeling until someone brings it up which would take more than 5-6 months for sure.
What conditions should be met? :
1. That other person initiates. I cannot see him being the first to do the "forming of connection".
2. That person respects his boundaries and doesn't try forcing him to do things outside of his comfort zone, unless he has already started to have feelings, if that person tries to force him to do something, only at the beginning of their growing connection, Nagi would view them as a hassle and it might cause some strains in their relationship.
3. However, by the end of it, Nagi is someone that probably won't have any room for complaints if someone truly wishes to be with him. For him, deep inside— no one would put up with him as much as that person that is trying their best to make a connection with him.
Reo being one of the few people that he views as someone he has become attached to, is a great example.
But if someone wants a deep, romantic connection, it wouldn't be so problematic compared to others. That person just has to initiate.
Mikage Reo
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Can they fall in love? : Yes, he can. I don't see Reo being unable to fall inlove.
Reo is someone that is sociable and just from this alone says a lot about his character. He is able to form connections, socialize, make meaningful relationships with people. It wouldn't be surprising if he does indeed fall inlove.
How long will it take? : For Reo, it depends. The person has to be constantly involved in his life if ever that person wants to speed up the process. However, I believe Reo will try to also keep his mind to his success, such as soccer and winning the world Cup. He has grown up being dissatisfied with gaining things as easily with a snap of his fingers. For him, soccer is a way for him to redeem and prove himself, to both his parents and his own sense of self. Unless that person really catches his attention, I think he would fall in love, acts on it but only develop it further once he achieved his dream.
He would fall in love, that's for sure but he is responsible and if he sets his eyes on a goal, i feel he wouldnt be the type to back down on it. He also manages his time responsibly in which might aid him into giving time for the person that he fancy, but he would only further develop the relationship once he has his goals cleared up or achieved.
How long would it take? : I think if he has a type, he would stick with it, but maybe he would reconsider if the person intrigues him greatly.
If the person is his type, attraction would take a week and falling inlove in a month or more. But if the person isn't his type, it would take him around 4 months at the least, or more if ever.
What conditions must be met for him to fall inlove?:
1. He finds time.
2. The person intrigues him
I can place more, but it might feel forced so let's stick with this for now. Reo is responsible than most characters in blue lock, he has a broad view of how social circles work, and has a deep understanding with making connections. He can fall inlove and exert time to it if he sees the person as worthy of it.
I cannot see him wasting time on fleeting relationships, if he falls in love— he is serious.
Shidou Ryusei
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Can they fall in love? : Absolutely. Shidou is a free person— someone that even chains have nothing against to. He feels whatever he likes. Does whatever he wants, and proceeds to life how he sees it. His character is quite complex for me to understand with the lack of information, on his character and his past. But with the information I currently have on him, in the anime, manga and the trivia. I can tell that shidou is someone that embodies the concept of freedom. For him, he also has his own philosophy on life and stays true to it. I feel like if someone just matches his vibe, doesn't restrain him, and will accept him for who he is, he would feel accepted and eventually fall for that person.
That person doesn't necessarily have to match his vibe, that person can also be someone that keeps him grounded and knows when to step up. But someone that matches how he does things can also make him "explode".
How long would it take : With the right action, it wouldn't take so long. Maybe even a few weeks, if done right. However, if the person is someone that doesnt show their emotions often, it might take a bit longer, but still not as long as the others, Shidou is upfront about his feelings, so if he feels the slightest thing for a person, he isn't afraid to own up to it which is why it wouldn't take so long for him.
What conditions must be met :
1. That person isn't someone that restricts his freedom.
2. The person can accept him for who he is.
3. That person can make him "explode" or so he says, which I think means— make him excited or makes him feel like his freedom is understood
In short, absolutely. He can fall inlove. But the person also has to be someone accepting. I think personality wouldn't matter much, nor the face or physical features, what matters to him is someone that can either keep him grounded and understands his freedom but still refrain him from overdoing things, or someone that understands his concept as a whole and embodies it themselves and also does things that matches his.
Bachira Meguru
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Can they fall in love? : Yes, Bachira can fall in love. Bachira is someone that has their fear of being alone, the fear of loneliness. For me, it wouldn't be too unusual if he even craves something like love. Currently, friends that can play soccer with him is already enough to satiate his loneliness however, if someone is willing to love him, I dont see him being the one to complain— he might even just accept then there and then if he sees himself with that person.
But it doesn't mean he just accepts whoever shows interest in him. Bachira has endured loneliness in the past but that doesn't make him desperate to the point of letting anyone that has interest in him, date him on the spot. He can be aware of things, and understand situations. Bachira might fall for anyone with the right intentions. Or those he deems interesting and have formed an emotional connection over.
But if he feels they are it— Bachira would start to cling to this said person, his loneliness dependant on them.
How long would it take : A month atleast. But if they are someone that Bachira can tell is kind, or someone that has no ulterior motive, or just simply interests him, he wouldn't be afraid to fall for that person, even if the fear of being left alone is there deep inside. A month, or less.
What conditions must be met :
1. That person must be someone he has formed an emotional connection with.
2. He wouldn't be picky, he might even feel like no one would want him deep down inside.
3. If someone shows interest in him, they must have their attention all on him, no secondary interest, no any room left for other people, otherwise Bachira's fear of being left alone and abandonment would trigger and he might start to doubt.
In short, yes he can. But I see Bachira as someone that doesnt want to endure the hurt of being left alone, so he must really be sure this person won't do it. If he starts dating someone, he would no doubt treasure them deep down inside, thinking no one else other than this person would want to be with him.
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seat-safety-switch · 1 day ago
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Cheaters never prosper, is what they say everywhere except at the zoo. At the zoo, depending on who you ask, you may hear that cheetahs never prosper, and then an eyerolling amount of nerd chuckles will ensue until you walk out of the room and go get a foil-wrapped hot dog from the concession stand. The thing you need to know is this: nobody likes it when you take shortcuts.
In town, there are regular "fun runs" and marathons. During one of these events, people get up very early and then drive their cars to a race. Then they get out of the car – I repeat, they are no longer inside the perfectly good motor vehicle that brought them to the event – and run the race on foot. I wouldn't bother with such folly normally, but then the bastards offered a $50 gift card to the local Dodge dealership as one of the prizes, and I do really need to get some working brakes on my '78 Volare. They still sell those, right?
There was nothing left to do but start training. After watching some instructional videos on the public library's computers, I decided that the first step would be "try walking somewhere." I am very good at walking long distances, as my cars are always breaking down. I've walked home for two days before, from another province. So that's nailed.
All I would have to do in order to win this so-called marathon (not even related to the Checker Marathon, can you believe it?) is walk somewhere a little bit faster than usual. So I started pretending that my car was on fire, and I had to go get an extinguisher from home and bring it to the site of the conflagration, before the fire department could no longer hold off the cops from checking the license plate. This worked too. My coworkers were worried that I was beginning to get in shape.
On the day of the event, though, I slept in. Remember that part about "getting up very early?" I didn't. Or to be more accurate, my phone didn't, having not been charged in several days. What do you mean, "use an actual alarm clock?" That sounds like someone-who-has-electricity-in-their-home privilege. I'm hurt by your callous words, and I think you should meet me at the Dodge dealership and buy me fifty dollars worth of stuff. Yeah, no car. For some reason I haven't been able to stop running places.
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animezinglife · 17 hours ago
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We also used to be able to rent VHS tapes not just from the iconic places like Blockbuster or Hollywood Video, but a lot of gas stations also had a small but decent stock of videos available for rent. Video rental stores were everywhere, even in small towns. Yes, these were all in the VHS tapes era. Not everyone had good video rental etiquette, so you'd have to rewind the whole movie before even starting it most of the time.
It wasn't like picking out a book at the library, either. They usually had just the covers of the movie out, and depending on the store, you would either take that OR a little card that was slipped into a clear pocket stuck onto that cover up to the desk and they'd give you the actual VHS tape. It was a big deal to get to do this on a Saturday night or so.
If you were really, really fancy, they eventually came out with small TV/VHS player combos. Otherwise, they were separate gadgets you had to buy.
On the cassette front, before audiobooks were popular, you would usually have some comically bulky book/cassette tape combo that you could buy or check out. That was the same story: you'd have to rewind the tape a lot (though I never used these).
Younger writers. Please, just know that you could not skip to different songs on a cassette tape, that’s CDs. With tapes you pressed fast forward or rewind and prayed.
Also, VHS tapes did not have menu screens. Your only options were play, fast forward, rewind, pause, stop, or eject.
Y’all are making me feel like the crypt keeper here, I’m begging you 😭
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maxdibert · 3 days ago
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Was Severus smarter or more powerful than Sirius or James? We know he fought back but did he ever manage to back up his courage or did he do it simply out of pride and hate? We know he was powerful, I mean Voldemort taught him how to fly, but if Sirius never went to Azkaban could these two rival each other? I would love for Snape to actually be slightly more stronger or smarter than these two but canon doesn’t really prove that.
I think people sometimes forget that Sirius and James came from pure-blood families. That means they came from a magical lineage of generations, and from the moment they were born, they were surrounded by magic. They were raised in the wizarding world; their parents and relatives used magic all the time, their cultural references were purely magical, their environments were magical, and everything they knew revolved around magic. This already gave them an advantage over any classmate who didn’t come from the same background. What many had to learn from scratch, they probably already knew because they had seen it at home (basic spells, basic potions, basic charms, and even magical history).
It’s like if, for example, I wanted to dedicate myself to horseback riding but had never been around horses, and when I signed up, I had a classmate who not only had talent for riding but also had grown up on a horse farm and had been around them since birth. Logically, that person would have an advantage over me.
I think James and Sirius were talented and powerful wizards, but I also believe that, academically, they had an advantage over those who didn’t come from a magical family and/or cultural background. They must have already known many things that others didn’t, which is why, as mentioned in the books, in some subjects they barely had to try to pass or get good grades. For example, I came from a very intellectual family and read advanced philosophy books for my age because my parents instilled that in me. As a result, I excelled in those kinds of subjects without having to study or pay much attention in class. Did I have talent for it? Yes, but I also had a solid foundation on the topic that others didn’t.
I believe Severus was a genius, and I think this because there is genius in creating your own spells and especially in being able to take a textbook and literally correct and improve it as a teenager. I also think that his talent was probably on par with James and Sirius, but he likely lacked the foundational tools and therefore had to work harder than they did because he grew up in a Muggle environment, in a house ruled by a Muggle father. As much as he knew more about magic than Lily, for example, I highly doubt he knew more than Sirius, which would be illogical considering their backgrounds.
Perhaps as teenagers, they were ahead of him due to that same advantage, in the same way that I believe they were more talented in practical matters while he was better at theoretical and intellectual things.
Clearly, the 33-year-old Severus is more powerful than the post-Azkaban Sirius because Sirius has a significant setback from being locked up for so long. If they had been on equal footing, would they have been equals? It’s hard to say, honestly. I also think it depends a lot on their strengths and what they excelled at. I don’t see Sirius or James being better than him in Occlumency, Legilimency, or Potions, even if they had lived normal lives, but I also don’t see Severus being better than them in Transfiguration, for example.
In that sense, I think it also depends on their talents and interests as wizards and in what fields they developed. I do think he would have been a rival and that, in a one-on-one fight, it would have been pretty difficult to knock him out. I also believe that Severus had to hold back a lot at Hogwarts, mainly to avoid being expelled, but in a free fight and on equal footing, with no risk of going to Azkaban, would he have left them half-dead? He probably would have surprised more than one person.
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drdemonprince · 2 days ago
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do you know of any good resources for people who would rather not have genitals at all wrt dealing with dysphoria etc? no interest in pursuing medical/surgical changes, but will have to eventually deal with doctors and that area for other healthcre reasons and the experience is always such a trigger. never been able to find any good resources about this but am not sure how to make searches better
I would recommend that you do research on the preventative medical care that people with your genitals need, and the ways to minimize unwanted contact. Specifically, look for the guidelines on how often preventative medical procedures are recommended -- the more recent and cutting-edge, the better, as this is a space in which guidelines are rapidly changing.
For example, if you have a vulva, you can actually perform a pap smear on yourself! Few gynecologists offer up this option unless asked, but they are legally required to allow you to collect your own sample in the US. And if you are not having sex involving that part of your body, you do not need frequent check-ups at all -- I think the guideline now is something like every five years? And you could even extend that a bit by getting the HPV vaccine and telling your medical provider that you want to avoid having that procedure as often as possible, or by straight up switching doctors every couple of years and lying to them and saying you'd gotten it done the year before (I did this for many years).
If you have a penis, my understanding is that your need for preventive examinations is even less -- so all you need to focus on is communicating your limits to your doctor. You can decline any procedure or collection of data they request -- and you can always walk right out of the appointment if necessary.
Now, if you need medical care in that part of your body, I would recommend seeking a trans-affirming provider or a queer clinic and bringing a friend with you to hold your hand and help enforce whatever boundaries you have. Depending on the area where you live, you might even be able to find someone who works in the certified midwife sphere to provide you with care -- they can do pap smears, annual exams, and other forms of gynecological care. Some may be trans informed enough to work with people don't just have vulvas, but, transmisogyny being as pervasive as it is in reproductive health, it is certainly a struggle.
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aishangotome · 16 hours ago
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Azel Radwan: Romantic Ending Ch. 23
Chapter 22
Thank you @shatcey for providing the video for this chapter!
♡———♡
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The death of the God of Tanzanite is an inevitable end that will eventually come—
The God, in his mercy, offers his life to the future so that the divination-dependent people can live on their own feet.
I respect the last God of the continent.
But my heart couldn't keep up.
What did the God think of me, who felt this way?
Emma: Wh... What are you doing?
Just a few seconds ago, I was desperately trying to hold back tears, but now, as Prince Azel stood up from his chair and embraced me, confusion overwhelmed my mind.
My blurred vision melted into his warmth, and when I tried to pull away, he put his arm around my head.
Azel: I couldn't bear to see your unsightly face.
Emma: ...This is where you're supposed to say, "Cry as much as you want in my arms."
Azel: I would never say something so disgusting.
(His words are harsh, but his touch is gentle.)
He gently stroked my head as if to comfort me.
Whether it was unconscious or intentional, either way, the God was always sinful.
(I wish Prince Azel's true nature was a wicked God, corrupted to the core by evil.)
His compassion became a poison, stinging my eyes and bringing a heat to them.
Emma: Prince Azel... I think I'm going to cry after all.
Azel: Don't cry, it's troublesome.
Azel: Besides, you can't persuade me if you're crying, can you?
Emma: ...Persuasion... I can't do it anymore.
(I can't think of anything else to say.)
(I can't think... so...)
Taking advantage of the fact that he couldn't see my face, I stopped holding back my tears.
Azel: I thought you'd be more persistent.
Emma: Did you... want me to be?
Azel: No? It's just, a good person like you wouldn't be able to accept someone's death, right?
Azel: Especially Belle, known for her beautiful heart.
Emma: ...If I were to stop you, I would need a good reason to do so.
Emma: "You have to cherish your life"... that's not a reason that applies to everyone.
(Even if I brandish my morals and ethics here, it would ultimately be self-righteous of me.)
(I can't reach Prince Azel's lofty perspective.)
Emma: To Prince Azel, who is worried about the future of the illusory country and trying to start a revolution...
Emma: No matter how hard I rack my brain, all I have are personal feelings.
(I can't find the words to reach someone who carries out their plan with such conviction.)
(...Even though we spent time together, it was ultimately short, and the fact that I'm an outsider remains unchanged.)
Emma: Because I can only say selfish things...
Emma: ...I have no choice... but to cry.
(My voice... is trembling.)
Even though I clutched Prince Azel's clothes as if to vent my emotions, he didn't shake me off.
Azel: Will you feel better if you cry?
Emma: ...It might be a temporary relief.
Azel: Then I'll allow it.
Emma: You said I shouldn't cry earlier...
Azel: Just cry before you babble on, cry now!
(Is this... also mercy?)
Prince Azel continued to stroke my hair.
His touch, which felt almost affectionate, and the gentleness of his heartbeat that reached my ears finally broke the dam of my tears.
Biting my lip to keep from crying out loud, I pressed my trembling body against Prince Azel's.
(After I cry my heart out, I have to make a choice.)
(Whether to part ways with Prince Azel like this, or...)
Either way, it would be a painful choice, and I choked back my sobs.
As I sobbed like a child, an out-of-place laughter fell upon me.
Emma: Wh... Why... are you... laughing?
Azel: Excuse me. I didn't expect you to cry this much.
Azel: You haven't been living your life relying on God, have you?
Azel: You don't have to worry about your future tomorrow because of God's death.
Azel: I was wondering why you're sobbing so much...
Azel: Did you like being a slave that much?
Emma: Not a slave... a shrine maiden (*priestess)...
Azel: It's the same in that you're being used by me.
Azel: I've used you, but I've never given you anything in return, have I?
Emma: ...Thinking about it calmly... that's true...
(Starting with being tricked into debt with swindler-like tactics...)
(Being used as a shield to avoid women, and because of that, falling victim to an aphrodisiac.)
(Being forced to cook as labor for debt repayment, and there was also that harsh errand of going back and forth between the city...)
Emma: I've been... used... and abandoned... by Prince Azel... so many times.
But strangely, I don't feel bad about it, because it was fun.
The God never truly treated me as a "slave."
When I was affected by the aphrodisiac, he cared for me, when I was cold, he embraced me, and when I was tired, he cooked for me.
When I tried to sleep on the floor, he carried me to the bed, and when he wished for me to not come to the party, he reluctantly went with me.
Prince Azel is that kind of contrary person.
I liked his twisted kindness—I came to like it.
(He's deeply embedded in my heart, to the point that I'm crying this much, and in the end, we're parting ways with death...)
(I think... I deserve compensation...)
Emma: I want... the reward I haven't received...
Azel: Have you forgotten that your labor was for debt repayment?
Emma: The... wounds in my heart... will remain... forever.
Emma: It's to the extent that... I have to claim compensation exceeding my debt.
When I made a wicked claim, imitating the greedy, wicked God, he laughed again.
Azel: I'll listen if you want to ask.
Emma: Then...
I had been thinking while crying.
About how to spend the time until the moment Prince Azel dies—
Emma: Make me... a part of your plan.
Azel: .............
When I wiped my tears and looked up, Prince Azel was making a blatantly sullen face.
Azel: I couldn't hear you very well.
Emma: M-Make me... a part of it!
Azel: Oh dear, I can't hear you.
Emma: Liar!
Azel: I don't remember saying I'd listen to anything.
Azel: Besides, are you stupid?
Azel: Being a part of it means you have to witness my death.
Prince Azel roughly wiped my wet cheeks with his sleeve.
Azel: There's no way a woman who's sobbing like this could do such a thing.
Emma: ...I... don't think I can either...
Emma: But I want a reason to witness it.
Emma: A reason for me to accept Prince Azel's death without running away.
(My heart refuses to accept the fact that Prince Azel will be gone.)
(This is something I can't do anything about, so at least I want a trigger to face it.)
(Instead of running away, I want to witness Prince Azel's great achievement... and...)
(I want to be with him for as long as possible.)
Azel: Are you serious?
Emma: ...I wouldn't joke about something like this.
I peered into his mystical eyes, filled with stars, to convey my feelings.
I must look unsightly, reflected in those beautiful eyes.
Prince Azel still had a sullen expression on his face, but...
As we gazed at each other, he gradually brought his face closer and placed his lips on my forehead.
(!?)
Azel: Ah, my mistake.
Emma: Th... That's not something you do by mistake!?
Azel: I just misjudged the distance, don't make a fuss, don't yell.
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(What was that kiss!?)
The God averted his eyes awkwardly.
My heart screamed in agony at having been subjected to another sin at this juncture.
(...From now on, I'll call you the "suggestive God" instead of the "wicked God.")
Azel: There is one simple task that anyone can do... or maybe not.
(...)
Emma: I'll do it.
Azel: Don't you want to hear what it is?
Emma: I'm not considering refusing any task.
Emma: But if possible...
Emma: I hope it's something that will allow me to be with Prince Azel until the very end.
Azel: –...It's because you're like that that you get hurt.
(.....?)
Prince Azel cleared his throat, let go of me, and turned his back.
Azel: The plan is tomorrow.
Azel: Since you said you'd do it, don't run away halfway.
(Tomorrow...)
(...Tomorrow is the day of the end.)
Emma: I'll do my best.
My voice trembled as I conveyed my determination.
-
Perhaps busy chasing after Kamal, who had been branded a sinner by the apostle, the people no longer visited the solitary desert castle.
Although there was a chance to return to the castle now, Prince Azel didn't drive me out, as I was reluctant to leave and remained in the temple.
Eventually, the sun set, and the giant moon that illuminated the illusory country rose in the sky.
The final night had arrived, whether I liked it or not.
Emma: Are you really alright?
Azel: Don't make me say it again.
Prince Azel, holding a kitchen knife, carefully chopped the vegetables.
Ideally, I would have wanted to do it, but with one arm unusable, I was helpless.
(His movements are stiff. He must be really scared.)
Emma: Even if we don't chop the vegetables like before and just put them whole in the pot...
Azel: It would make me cry if that was the last supper.
Azel: Besides, wouldn't it be hard to eat with your hand like that?
Emma: .....
Azel: ...Don't grin, the knife might slip and fly off.
Emma: You absolutely have to avoid that!?
(It's just like any other night. The only difference is that our roles are reversed.)
If I let my guard down, tears threaten to spill from my still swollen eyes.
(Something... I have to distract myself with something.)
Emma: Cooking is... tough, isn't it?
Azel: What are you talking about out of the blue?
Emma: No, I was just thinking that since Prince Azel is a God and a prince, it must have been tough for you at first...
Emma: How long have you been living here alone?
When I brought up a casual topic, Prince Azel, perhaps sensing my intention, let out a sigh of exasperation.
Azel: It's been about ten years.
Emma: You used to live in the castle before, right?
Azel: Yes. But one day, an incident happened.
Azel: ...A nightmarish incident where a large number of aphrodisiac-affected women came rushing in.
Emma: What kind of disturbing incident is that...?
Azel: Exactly as it sounds, that geezer orchestrated it, and a horde of women who had taken aphrodisiacs barged into my room.
Azel: They started taking off their clothes, moaning on their own... I don't know a hell worse than that.
(Wow... that's awful just to imagine.)
Azel: Even a gentle God like me snapped and started living here, practically running away from home. That's how it all began.
Emma: That's, well...
Emma: ...I can understand why you dislike women, Prince Azel.
Azel: I never said I disliked you, not even once—
Azel: Well, maybe I do dislike women, but it's frustrating, isn't it? It's like I've lost.
Emma: You're not fooling anyone.
Azel: Oh, the knife...
Emma: Don't let it slip!
I couldn't help but laugh at the suggestive God, formerly known as Prince Azel, who furrowed his brows in a sulky manner.
Emma: I'm glad I'm not hated.
Azel: Don't get cocky.
Emma: But you were the one who said it...
Azel: Well, still...
Azel: You might be the woman I've talked to the longest in my life.
Emma: ...That's...
(That's a record that will never be broken again.)
Emma: ...An honor.
-
The last supper was plentiful, as we aimed to use up all the ingredients remaining in the temple.
Since it couldn't all fit on the kitchen counter, we spread a beautiful cloth by the window in the room and arranged the dishes there, holding a feast while gazing at the moon.
It included the meatless, perfectly round croquettes I had made before, along with a dish of chickpeas mashed into a paste and flavored with cumin, bell peppers stuffed with minced meat and seasoned with spices from the desert country, and for the main course, Prince Azel's specialty tagine, made with steamed vegetables and meat.
I also used the vegetables Prince Azel had cut for me to prepare a pot-au-feu, a staple home-cooked dish in Rhodolite.
I even baked some simple langues de chat for dessert, making for a more extravagant menu than usual.
(It feels strange to have Rhodolite and Tanzanite cuisine lined up like this.)
I immediately reached for a croquette with my fork, but...
Emma: Ah...
Eating with only one hand was more difficult than I expected, and it tumbled onto my clothes.
Emma: I need more practice.
Azel: What are you talking about?
Before I could pick it up, a hand reached out, and the croquette disappeared into Prince Azel's mouth.
At the same time, the fork was taken from my hand, and he brought it to my lips with the croquette still skewered on it.
Azel: See, when something is offered to you, you're supposed to open your mouth, right?
*flashback*
Emma: In the world, this is called "aah."
Emma: When something is offered to you, you open your mouth.
Azel: ..............
*flashback over*
(...That time...)
Prince Azel, with a grumpy look on his face, forcefully pushed the croquette against my lips.
When I hesitantly opened my mouth, he mercilessly stuffed it in.
(...! ...It's big!)
Prince Azel intently watched as I desperately chewed and swallowed.
Azel: Your mouth is unexpectedly small.
(...He wasn't being mean, he really didn't know.)
With a nonchalant expression, he broke the croquette and offered a smaller piece in front of me.
Emma: Thank you. But then Prince Azel won't be able to eat.
Azel: I'll just eat normally later?
Emma: It'll get cold.
Azel: The taste won't change. Just eat it.
Emma: munch...
(This feeling of being unaccustomed to "aah," it makes me flustered.)
(...I wish this would last forever.)
Azel: Don't make Kamal and Prince Silvio go through the same trouble.
Emma: I wouldn't ask them to "aah" me. Normal people don't do that.
(Ah...)
Prince Azel's hand stopped at my careless slip of the tongue.
Azel: What was that thing we did before, then?
Emma: That was... well... the situation was unavoidable, so to speak...
Emma: "Aah" is originally something you only do with someone you're close to, but... ahaha... haha...
Azel: ...You tricked me.
Emma: I didn't trick you!?
Azel: No wonder there was no "aah" when you had dinner with Prince Silvio.
Emma: That would be horrifying—ow!
Even as he pinched my cheek in displeasure, Prince Azel didn't withdraw the fork.
Emma: What's wrong with it? We're close.
Azel: We're not close, we're complete strangers.
Emma: So you do this kind of thing with everyone, Prince Azel?
Azel: ......
Emma: ...Come to think of it, only Silvio is called "Prince," so in terms of closeness...
Emma: Ow, ow, I'm sorry!
Prince Azel, pulling my cheeks hard, turned away.
Azel: I only call Silvio "Prince" because he's my benefactor.
Emma: Eh... not because he's rich?
Azel: Of course, that's part of it, but...
(So it is part of it.)
Azel: I told you before that Kamal was exiled, right? I had no way to contact him.
Azel: But one day, Prince Silvio, who was visiting as a merchant, smuggled Kamal into the country in his cargo.
Azel: You usually have to undergo a cargo inspection at the port, but...
Azel: They can't thoroughly inspect the luggage brought by royalty from another country.
Azel: Taking advantage of that loophole, the exile was able to return to Tanzanite.
(I can't believe that happened...)
(That's why Prince Silvio wasn't surprised when he found out Kamal-san was a man.)
Azel: Once he returned, I could disguise him however I wanted...
Azel: But if it weren't for that merchant's quick thinking, I wouldn't have been reunited with Kamal even now.
Emma: ...So that's the reason for the "Prince."
(It seems he's not just greedy.)
Each time I learn something new, my impression of Prince Azel changes.
Azel: On the other hand, you've been so disrespectful that it's a waste to even call you "Miss."
Azel: Maybe I should just call you Emma from now on.
Emma: .......
Azel: ...What's with that subtle look on your face?
Emma: Nothing...
(...This person's obliviousness is truly terrifying...)
In general, being called by your first name indicates a closer relationship than using honorifics like "Prince" or "Miss," but...
I couldn't bring myself to say that.
-
The night passed by in a flash, and the end drew near.
Once the sun rose from the horizon tomorrow, this time would never return.
Whenever my mind relaxed, tears welled up, and I pressed them into my pillow as I shifted in bed.
Prince Azel was reading a book beside me, maintaining his usual composure despite it being the last day.
Emma: ...Aren't you scared?
Azel: Not at all?
Emma: I'm... scared.
Azel: I figured.
Emma: ...Shall we chat?
Azel: We've already talked enough.
Emma: There are tons of things I want to know about Prince Azel.
(...I don't want to sleep.)
(Just for today, I want to keep seeing this dream for as long as possible.)
Azel: For example?
Emma: ...Like why Prince Azel is so greedy.
Azel: There's no reason, money is necessary to live.
Emma: You said that before, didn't you?
*flashback*
Emma: Is the Living God that hard up for money?
Azel: I don't take money because I'm hard up.
Azel: I take money to live.
*flashback over*
Emma: But you're not in a position to be troubled by money, Prince Azel.
Azel: ...Certainly, if I wanted to, I could get any amount of living expenses from the national treasury.
Azel: But depending on someone else's money is the same as having your life and freedom in their hands.
Azel: It would defeat the purpose of escaping to the solitary desert castle.
(Now that he mentions it, that's true. He could be forced to accept women by being held hostage with money.)
Azel: To escape from that geezer, I needed to earn money on my own.
Azel: But God can't openly do business.
Emma: Why is that?
Azel: Because it would become an offering, not a business.
Azel: People desire God's protection. If that God says "I want money," they'll rush to offer it.
Azel: Tanzanite is a country with deep faith. It wouldn't be strange for someone to offer their entire fortune.
(...It was the God's way of making sure people's lives wouldn't be ruined.)
Azel: If I can't do business with the people of my own country, then I should turn my attention to people from other countries.
Azel: To earn money, I needed to invite many people from other countries.
(People from other countries...)
*flashback*
Silvio: ...It's been about ten years.
Silvio: Since Tanzanite started focusin' on tourism and became one of the best at attractin' visitors on the continent with its song and dance.
*flashback over*
Emma: Ah, could it be...
Emma: Did you start the tourism industry, Prince Azel?
Azel: You're sharp today, aren't you?
(I'm surprised...)
Emma: I thought it originated with Kumushu, the head of the tourism association...
Azel: I was the one giving instructions to that Kumushu.
Azel: I opened up the closed country, and gradually people from other countries started flowing in.
Azel: And, as you know, the richest man on the continent, drawn by the rumors, took the bait.
Emma: If Prince Silvio is your business partner, you won't have any trouble with money, will you?
Azel: Yes, he's still my biggest source of income.
Azel: Thanks to him, I've been able to invest in all sorts of things that the national budget couldn't afford.
(...Wait, so Prince Azel is actually a rich man disguised as someone poor...?)
Prince Azel closed his book and lay down.
He wasn't facing away from me as usual, but facing me.
Azel: By the way, don't you think it's unfair?
Emma: What is?
Azel: We've been talking about me this whole time, and you haven't said anything about yourself.
Emma: ...Are you perhaps interested in me—
Azel: I'm just tired of talking.
He pinched my cheeks.
I'm used to it now, and even this pain is dear to me.
(But when this night is over...)
(...! ...No, I still can't come to terms with it.)
Prince Azel must have noticed my teary eyes.
Azel: What kind of person are you, and how have you lived your life?
Emma: ...That's a long story.
Azel: I'm impressed that you've lived such a fulfilling life.
(I'll talk as much as you want. To keep this night from ending...)
But dreams don't last.
—The moon set, the sun rose, and the day of the end arrived.
.
.
.
Romantic Ending Ch. 23 Letter
If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)
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cute-little-fly · 14 hours ago
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I think this is the reason why I like Stolitz so much.
I went through something like this in my relationship. We have healed and improved by being together, I became more confident and open, with less fear of intimacy, and my partner has overcome a lot of his self hate. I haven’t heard him saying how much he hates himself for years, those days look almost unreal for me now seeing how much everything changed. For the good.
The begging of my relationship was very messy, I was over the edge all the time, was jealous and possessive. My partner had crises of depression and anxiety. Those were very hard days, and our mutual support was everything to us. In my case, none of this issues came before the relationship, so there was no way I could heal before entering it, it surprised me in a very bad way… romantic relationships were my trigger because of my fears of being not enough and my insecurity about them, it was my first romantic experience, so I felt I never had been attractive to anyone else and that at the end I wasn’t going to be. Without his support, kindness and understanding I would have never healed that.
Something important to add to this discussion is that this mindset also afects real life people, and this is way worse than a discussion for a show. I felt that the rest of people saw me as a toxic influence for my partner at the time, their friends started liking our relationship and ended up hating me at that time. That was a huge punch for me, bc none of them knew how hard I was trying to change and be better and how I was finally conscious about my issues after a friend talked to me… I think the hardest part of all of it is that during that experience I felt like a bad person, like a monster, and for some time I couldn’t take that idea from my mind that I was this monster, and I think that made my healing harder because I constantly punished myself for not being able to be who I needed to be.
This is why I wish more people would be open to understand the chaos that Stolas and Blitz are, because some of us don’t start relationships being super healthy. A lot of us are full of traumas and being like this doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve to be in romantic relationships. We can heal, and be happier with ourselves after that process.
I like how messy their story is; because sometimes we are pretty messy and that doesn’t make their relationship doomed. It depends on them and their ability to change for it to work, and if they make it work they will end up being better people at the end. Their relationship can flourish if both of them are able to overcome their failures with the support of the other.
Besides, the important thing is that they are both trully try to improve. An abuser doesn’t care about the damage done, and even if they say that will change they don’t trully try to do it because they will always use the abuse to manipulate.
Messy but Meaningful: Challenging Pop Psychology’s Unrealistic Expectations of Relationships in Fandom Spaces
By Crushbot 🤖 and Human Assistant 💁🏽‍♀️
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The growing tendency in fandom spaces to apply pop-psychology frameworks to fictional relationships—such as Blitz and Stolas’s relationship in Helluva Boss—often oversimplifies the complexities of real-life human dynamics. While using psychological language to analyze media can deepen understanding, it can also lead to reductive and rigid interpretations of relationships. For the sake of argument, if Blitz and Stolas were real people, the expectation that both must be fully healed, emotionally stable, and entirely self-assured before engaging in a relationship reflects an unrealistic and idealized view of mental health and interpersonal growth.
The Myth of Complete Healing
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One of the most common misconceptions in pop psychology is the belief that individuals must achieve complete emotional healing before they can engage in healthy relationships. This idea, while well-meaning, is rooted in an overly simplistic view of personal development. From a psychological perspective, healing and self-improvement are ongoing processes. Life circumstances, relationships, and personal challenges continually shape and reshape our mental and emotional landscapes.
Attachment theory, for example, suggests that relationships can be powerful arenas for healing. According to John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, attachment dynamics are formed in early childhood but can be reshaped in adulthood through secure and supportive relationships. Blitz’s and Stolas’s relationship, though imperfect, demonstrates how mutual care and connection can provide opportunities for growth. Stolas’s willingness to be emotionally vulnerable and Blitz’s gradual acceptance of his feelings suggest that their bond is helping each of them confront their emotional barriers, even if they’re not “finished” healing.
Relationships as Sites of Growth
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Instead of requiring complete emotional stability as a prerequisite for relationships, many psychological frameworks view relationships as places where healing and growth can occur. In Helluva Boss, Blitz and Stolas’s dynamic reflects this principle. Their relationship, while messy and fraught with misunderstandings, provides opportunities for them to confront their vulnerabilities and develop healthier patterns of intimacy.
This idea aligns with Carl Rogers’s humanistic approach to psychology, which emphasizes the importance of relationships in fostering self-actualization. Rogers argued that empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard are key ingredients for personal growth—and these qualities often emerge in relationships. While Blitz and Stolas struggle with these elements at times, their efforts to connect and communicate demonstrate a willingness to grow together.
The Role of Imperfection in Relationships
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Pop-psychology discourse often pathologizes imperfection, labeling any relationship that involves conflict, miscommunication, or emotional baggage as “toxic.” However, conflict is not inherently harmful; it’s how individuals navigate and resolve conflict that determines the health of a relationship. Psychologist John Gottman’s research on marital stability highlights that even successful relationships involve conflict. The difference lies in whether partners approach disagreements with respect, empathy, and a willingness to repair after mistakes.
In the context of Blitz and Stolas, their struggles with power dynamics, vulnerability, and communication do not automatically render their relationship toxic. Rather, their willingness to acknowledge and address these issues—such as Stolas’s attempts to give Blitz more autonomy with the Asmodean crystal or Blitz’s growing emotional openness—suggests a dynamic that is evolving toward greater mutual understanding.
Realistic Expectations for Healing and Change
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The expectation that adults must be fully healed and self-assured before entering relationships also neglects the reality that personal growth often occurs within relationships. Social learning theory emphasizes how individuals learn and adapt through observation and interaction. Relationships serve as a mirror, reflecting areas for growth and offering opportunities to practice new behaviors. For Blitz, his interactions with Stolas force him to confront his fear of vulnerability and his tendency to self-sabotage. For Stolas, being with Blitz challenges his understanding of intimacy and forces him to step beyond his royal privilege to engage in genuine emotional connection.
It’s also worth noting that personal growth is non-linear. Progress often involves setbacks, missteps, and moments of doubt. Relationships do not have to be perfect to be worthwhile or beneficial. The process of working through challenges together can strengthen bonds and foster deeper connection.
Rejecting Pop-Psychology Absolutism
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The pop-psychologization of fandom spaces often reduces complex dynamics to overly rigid binaries: healthy/unhealthy, secure/insecure, toxic/healing. While these frameworks can offer insights, they risk ignoring the nuance of real-life relationships. Humans are messy, imperfect, and constantly evolving—and so are their relationships. Holding fictional characters (or real people) to unrealistic standards of emotional perfection perpetuates an unhelpful narrative that growth must be completed in isolation, rather than as a collaborative process.
Blitz and Stolas exemplify the idea that relationships can be messy but meaningful. They are imperfect individuals navigating their own traumas and insecurities, yet they are also actively working toward better understanding themselves and each other. This dynamic reflects a more realistic and compassionate view of relationships, one that acknowledges growth as a shared journey rather than a prerequisite for connection.
Conclusion
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Expecting individuals to achieve complete healing before engaging in relationships is both unrealistic and at odds with what we know about human development. Relationships, particularly those marked by care and effort, can serve as powerful spaces for growth, healing, and transformation. Blitz and Stolas’s evolving bond in Helluva Boss illustrates this beautifully, showing that imperfection does not preclude progress. By challenging the rigid expectations of pop psychology, we can embrace a more nuanced understanding of relationships—both fictional and real—that values growth, vulnerability, and the shared journey of becoming better together.
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see-arcane · 2 days ago
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So. What was the deal with the vampire in the graveyard versus Orlok’s Nosferatuing around?
SPOILERS INCOMING CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SCROLL AWAY
Von Franz mentions something vague about there being different rules depending on the region with the whole ‘sleep by daylight’ thing being the only consistent rule…
…except that doesn’t add up with what Thomas saw.
He followed the hunting party at night. He saw them open the coffin with the vampire still resting in it, cue the iron stake piercing him, the blood, the scream, Thomas’ startled cry—and then an immediate cut to him coming awake in the inn’s bed, now wearing a cross at his neck (which he tosses) and mud on his boots (proof of his excursion). He saw what he saw.
How did that vampire in the graveyard come to be? Was he one of Orlok’s making? Or was he never Nosferatu at all? Von Franz refers to Nosferatu exclusively as a type of undead that brings plague. That does seem to be Orlok’s gimmick, but the guy in the graveyard had no rats for company. The people Thomas encountered were out and about, hale and healthy, no fretting over plague. So what was he?
I might have misheard, but I think there was a moment as Thomas entered the inn for the first time where the woman doing an exorcism/healing rite involving garlic mentioned the word strigoi. It didn’t pop up in her subtitles, so I won’t swear to it, but it’d be interesting if Eggers went digging around in the Dracula and other vampire lit lore to fish out other variants of vampirism to play with.
But the thing is.
The thing is.
While it would be a good Easter egg hint that Thomas’ notion of hunting Orlok down and staking him in his big rat box was doomed to fail~, it would only add up if we’d gotten concrete on-film evidence that he was really mistaking one kind of vampire for another. All we have is Von Franz’ word that ‘he doubts it will work.’ Thomas, meanwhile, has seen it work and has the memory of Orlok snapping awake and actively stopping him from bringing the pickaxe down on him—if being impaled did nothing, why would Orlok bother to stop the blow?
It leaves the possibilities split down the middle.
Version A: Von Franz was right. Orlok the Nosferatu needed the Death-By-Maiden-and-Sunrise trap to be destroyed and what Thomas saw was an entirely different vampire being slain by its own methods. Potentially a vampire made by Orlok, but not a full Nosferatu plague carrier (possibly something that needs Scholomance study), or else turned by completely unrelated means. tl;dr: Thomas Staking Orlok Would Have Failed
Version B: Thomas was right. Had he been able to stake Orlok through, he might have put him down, or at least left him weak enough for them to bring on blades and fire to make sure nothing was left. Chuck the leftovers in a river for good measure. And Ellen would never have had to die.
Naturally, the latter isn’t as cinematic or thematically satisfying. It isn’t as meaty as Version A. But I can’t help picturing Thomas turning the what-ifs over and over in his head. What if he had been faster with the pickaxe? What if Von Franz hadn’t stalled them past sunset and they had found Orlok still in his box rather than Knock? What if Ellen could have been here and alive and safe if only he hadn’t been too slow, too late, too trusting?
What if…
What if both men were wrong?
Or at least failed to see the entire picture. To really wonder at the how and why of Thomas’ affliction being so different compared to every other non-Ellen victim of Orlok’s. To wonder just what Orlok intended by his drinking of Ellen as consummation by consumption. Surely he did not intend to kill her. Rather, to let her remain dead.
(The broker yet lives.)
((As a man.))
(This is no ordinary plague!)
((Plagues.))
Orlok was a cadaver who lived. The undead must first be dead. Is it not so for every form of vampire, no matter their region?
Ellen is dead. The Maiden become Death.
(He left you to the wolves yet you prevailed!)
((The wolves only came for him by daylight. When sleep ended and Thomas’ heart still beat. The work unfinished.))
Von Franz departs, head hung. Dr. Sievers will stall the formalities of the mortuary. There are dead enough to busy himself with. Let the boy grieve.
Let him think.
Of corpses that are not corpses. Death that does not stick. The sun moves between blinks as he banishes the shriveled carcass of the Count from the room, breaking and burning it.
His love is dressed anew. Clean, for she was never unclean.
(Her breast.)
((There is no bite.))
The sun sinks. Thomas holds a cold hand. Now it grips his back, their wedding bands gleaming. As she kisses his breast, he thinks perhaps it is not so terrible to be mistaken, all told.
They can be wrong together.
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plaidos · 2 days ago
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Didn't want to be that one follower who sucks the wind out of the room with a big addition, so sending this for you to answer or ignore at your own discretion.
Visavis that body slider post, I kind of just feel like we can't and will never be able to depend on AAA games to represent us accurately, or really any minority experience for that matter. These games are all fairly archetypical power fantasy heroes quests or whatever, and especially if they incorporate full character customization, they necessarily will shave off granularity, especially in the name of budget feasibility.
Maybe they could be convinced that transfems are a large enough market to hire a VA for us, and learn the dos and donts of body/gender character creation by rote, but the story will still be roughly the same. They won't add a hundred, maybe thousand, little instances of microaggression, degendering, kneejerk suspicion; completely rewrite the fabric of how every other character in the game interacts with us, because then they'd have to do that for every other conceivable identity.
I'm not saying this is fair, or justified, or that they should be let off the hook for it, but I just unfortunately don't see it ever changing for these types of games. A far more feasible ask, in my opinion, would be to demand that games if anything stop making the character a blank canvas for the audience to craft an effigy of themselves, and instead force them to make narratives that are explicitly transfeminine alongside being power fantasy heroes quests; to ask the majority cis audience to step into our shoes for once, in a way that can't be cordoned off to the side as the overwhelming majority of the audience plays as a character that doesn't force them to challenge their preconceptions of the world.
i agree somewhat, but i’m not necessarily asking for literally every line of dialogue to be restructured for every element of every character — but this is Dragon Age we’re talking about; it prides itself on writing separate dialogues for different character traits, and it literally follows through on doing that with transness as a trait too — that’s actually one of the cooler parts of Veilguard. the problem is that when we come to meet the non-binary character, none of their story makes any kind of sense. theyre closeted and anxious about telling their mom, but… there doesn’t seem to be any transphobia in this world, so why would that be a factor? there’s this great big Very Special Episode feeling cutscene about this character being accidentally misgendered and how all the cis characters should punish themselves for it. but if there’s no transphobia, that’s just a genuine mistake, like i don’t see people forcing themselves to do push-ups when they accidentally refer to their married friend as “miss”, or if you accidentally refer to a cis person who changed their name by their old name — it’s just a “oh my bad, sorry” moment before moving on — and worse yet, this conversation forces your character to be a cis person at the sidelines when it’s a perfect example of just One perfect place you could be inserting different dialogue for a trans character.
i’m not asking for massive vast differences between trans and cis characters, obviously these types of RPGs have to have some element of mushy in-the-middle-ness to be able to have such widely customisable characters. but there’s a mid ground between “literally realistic depiction of being microaggressed by every cis person you meet & totally separate dialogue trees and quests and storylines” and “my trans character is assumed to be cis in the writing of cutscenes interacting with major trans characters about them being trans”. and we’re at the latter right now.
you’re right — we’re not a marketable demographic. that’s not why these things are being added: that’s literally my point, the trans content in videogames is largely aimed at cis people feeling good and progressive for its surface level inclusion. like, “nobody cares enough to represent us because we won’t give them enough money” is part of what i’m complaining about? 😭
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m00nchildwrites · 18 hours ago
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pairings: female!reader (first person) x Xavier
tags: romance, eventual smut, based on storyline of game but diverges, little angst and feelings, resolved feelings, fluff, hurt/comfort, injury, these two need to just kiss already, use of her/she/you depend on the pov at the time, reader/MC/you is expressed as female and during smut times will use female-at-birth anatomy terms- she/her, first person when written from "your" pov- use of I/my/mine, referred to as y/n, will have nsfw content mdni- please read with caution, will be tagged, my smut gets ...vivid. Will have content from part of story line, myth cards, and other cards [possibly...probably].
{ch list: 1, 2 , 3, 4(here)}
Chapter 4: Secrets & Distance
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I reported to HQ the following day, expecting to receive orders regarding our mission, or at the very least, an update about the situation in the No-Hunt Zone. Instead, all I got was a message from the film crew. Xavier was missing. He never showed up on set that morning. More than that, there was no sign of him at home either. The hunter they sent out to check on him found nothing. 
That day was filled with anxiety. The film crew showed concern when I appeared, hoping he had returned. They reassured me that they had enough footage to finish the filming for the day… as if that was even my concern at that moment.
My watch, too, had been oddly quiet. I had not received a wanderer alert since Xavier went missing, so there wasn’t even anything to do to keep my mind off of things. I felt guilty on my meet-up with Zayne at the coffee shop by the hospital for lunch; he could tell that there was something off about me, but I didn’t want to burden him with my worries. Besides, I highly doubted my childhood friend wanted to hear about my missing crush. As sweet as Zayne was, I doubt that kind of talk was really his thing. He usually went oddly quiet when I spoke of Xavier and our missions in the past. I knew how much he worried about me in my job… no, I couldn’t burden Dr.Zayne.
As the day came to a close, I resolved to shoot Jeremiah a message asking him to let me know when he saw or heard from Xavier. I also let him know that I was going to use the thing he had given me in secret, and that if something looked too wrong, I was going in. He would know what it meant.
The next day, Rafayel had called me as the rain began to clear up. His easy flow of conversation– with or without my input or participation– and the calming vibe of his home studio had actually been a relief. Yet even his sharp, dual-toned eyes had been full of concern after greeting me. I never seemed to be able to hide what I was feeling from Rafayel. He guided me in to sit on his couch facing a large canvas he was working on, and as he took in my quiet form sitting on his couch, he never pressured me to respond as he spoke about his newest inspiration found in the legend of the Selkie’s of Ireland. I listened to his melodic voice spin tales of love and deceit and longing as his brushes swirled colors to life upon his canvas. I was hardly good company, no matter how much he assured me otherwise, with my zoning out and checking a holomap on my watch constantly. My presence was doing wonders for his inspiration, he assured me. Even so, Rafayel was unusually subdued, seemingly picking up on my somber mood, and instead, he filled the air with calming melodies of piano and his humming once his fairy tales ran out. My worries blurred out of focus as he painted. The nap I had slipped into was some of the most peaceful rest I could recall– almost spell-like.
The next morning, the sky was no longer gray, and the clouds were breathtaking. I caught the news as it played out on the massive screen of Azure Square, on my way into the movie set. The massive influx of wanderers had practically disappeared overnight. In their place, only strange protocores had been left in their place, which my colleagues had retrieved. With the rain now gone as well, the doomsday panic that had taken over the city was gone, as though it had never been.
As the sunlight broke over the movie set, I stood watching everyone move around with my coffee in hand. A glint of golden-silver off to the side caught my gaze. It was Xavier, nonchalantly walking onto set, the sun bouncing off his hair setting it aglow. He flashed me his usual gentle smile and greeted people on set. It was as though his two-day disappearance was just an illusion.
I felt my jaw tick. It couldn’t be a coincidence, right? Xavier vanishes and then the wanderers and doomsday event does too? And after our talk that day in the dressing room and the new holomap I had on my watch now… the way the yellow dot had flashed around on its screen… and the way it lined up with Wanderer groupings and attacks just before they blinked out of existence… 
I shook my head. I was probably reading too much into it. Probably needed more sleep too, and yet… if it was just a solo mission, why did HQ not have a clue?
The media had been blasting all day that the so-called “Particle Event” as it was now officially being termed was a natural phenomenon. Any talk otherwise was almost treated mockingly: “If it wasn’t natural, what caused it then?” No one had an answer on TV. Neither did I. But something in my gut told me there was more to it.
The sounds of the crew on set snapped me back out of my revere. I shook my head. I was here to be Xavier’s partner and eyes, while he was out there acting his part of stunt double, I was to watch out for Wanderer’s nearby on the set. I needed to remain focused. Besides, today was the filming of the climax of the film– the biggest action scene yet. Lumiere was to take on hundreds of enemies all on his own. While shocking explosions went off in the background, he would send the Wanderers to their fiery grave. 
My eyes fell to Xavier. A smile twitched at my mouth. He was sitting in a corner by a props table and some boxes sleeping. I tsked and made my way over to stand at his side. His dozing sounds– tiny snores and sleepy breaths– became clear as I came to his side. He looked so peaceful and soft… he also looked worn out. I frowned. This was the fourth or fifth time I had found him napping today. All in the craziest locations and positions. He really did have an almost supernatural ability to sleep anywhere, but even for him, today was a bit much. Just what had he been up to these past two days?
With an increasing feeling of concern, I crouched down to look him over more closely at eye level. I couldn’t help but to reach out and poke his cheek to see if he really was okay. He gave no indication of waking after my second poke. I sighed. With as deep as he was sleeping, perhaps it would be more accurate to say he fainted…or slipped into a coma. I tsked, affectionately, “You’ve got to take better care of yourself,” I murmured softly.
His brows furrowed and twitched. A small grimace crossed his face and his head twitched slightly sideways.
Was he dreaming? “Xavier?” I called out to him softly. Suddenly, with my evol, I lost the ability to sense him. Being this close, I should feel his evol. Frantic, I brushed my hand over his pulse. My eyes widened in alarm. I moved my fingertips pressing slightly firmer. Under them, there was nothing. I activated his Hunter’s watch and set it to scan his vitals.
I am nearly ready to begin CPR after what feels like the longest 30 seconds of my life, when finally the stupid light turned blue, indicating vitals are detected and being monitored. The breath I released came out in a whoosh and the thumping of my pulse in my ears cleared away. 
I clutched at my chest and hissed at his sleeping form, “Please never do that again. You scared me half to death!?” I whispered.
A hand suddenly wrapped around my wrist pressed to my chest. My eyes snapped to Xavier’s.
His eyes look groggy and oblivious to the sheer panic I had just gone through at his expense. “How come you’re always able to find me whenever I sneak out for a nap?”
“It’s because your hide and seek skills are terrible,” my voice was slightly sharper than usual.
His thumbs rubbed circles into my inner wrist that he had pulled to rest in his lap. He chuckled softly, his head falling back to rest comfortably back on the boxes, and his eyes began to flutter once more as though slipping back into sleep.
“Xavier,” my voice softer from worry, “you don’t have to push yourself. Go home. Rest. Filming can finish tomorrow.”
“I’m fine. I’m just really sleepy today,” he rubbed at his eyes with his free hand. His other was still occupied with rubbing circles into my wrist. 
I huffed, “Liar.”
The corner of his mouth twitched upwards, “It’s only human to feel tired at times.” He titled his head, “It’s really comfy here. Do you want to take a nap with me?” His thumb brushed gently along my wrist once more.
My face heated and I averted my gaze. Did he have any idea what he was doing? I swallowed, “No, I don’t.” I lied, like a liar. Taking a breath to steal myself and push these fluttery feelings away, I twisted my wrist around in his grip so that it was I who now held his wrist. 
His eyes widened slightly before softening.
I ignored what that look did to the butterflies in my stomach as I fixed him with a serious look, “You shouldn’t sleep here either. You’ll get sick. The ground is still damp from all the rain. At least let me bring you to the lounge in your dressing room-”
Suddenly, an explosion filled the air, making me jump. A shockwave carrying debris and dust blasted passed us and instantly engulfed the entire set. Xavier reacted instantly. His arms reached around my waist and yanked me to the ground. He rolled me under him, his arms covering my head as he tucked my face into his neck. A shield of his light went up around us just as flames and rocks came blasting towards us. They bounced off his shield like rubber balls. He was so fast.
My eyes were huge, in shock, as I clutched him to me. Desperate to protect him as much as I could with my arms, I shielded the back of his head and back as best I could, but he wouldn’t let me move.
“Xavier-”
“Shh, I’ve got you,” he reassured, his thumb rubbing soothingly into my hair. “I’ve got you.”
As the screams settled outside our bubble, I heard the director of safety yelling, “Who triggered the explosion switch!? We haven’t started shooting yet!”
“It wasn’t us, director!” “There are still people in the factory!” “Who would dare touch the switch!?”
Voices began calling out and yelling as confusion and panic settled in.
“Is anyone still inside?” “Hurry and get them out!” “Where are the water cannons?!”
My ears were still buzzing as I pulled back from my place nestled into Xavier’s neck. I looked up only to find his blue gaze already looking searchingly over my face.
“Are you alright?” He asked hands still cradling my head. His brows were furrowed as he gave me a glance over looking for any sign of injury.
“I’m okay,” I reassured him, making to sit up. He shifted off of me and helped me sit up. His light bubble was still around us. My eyes followed its curve overhead a bit in awe. The fire and debris that hit our spot would’ve been fatal. He moved so quickly. Pulling me under him, shielding me with his body. Risking his own safety. My eyes fell back to him, who was still visually sweeping me, apparently unconvinced I was uninjured, “You saved me.”
The blue of his eyes appeared deep and ageless as they peered into mine, “Always.”
My lips parted, the butterflies in my stomach set loose once more.
A loud beep cut through the moment like a knife.
My watch began beeping like crazy and the roar of wanderers rang out from the source of the flames.
An audible POP snapped my eyes back to Xavier. The bubble of light around us literally popped out of existence in the same moment Xavier disappeared before my eyes. He vanished and a beam of light with as much force as a rainbow piercing through sunshine cut through the collapsed, burning factory where the explosion took place.
In the blink of an eye, he leaped out of the raging fire, his sword still coated in metaflux yet to dissipate. Before I could breathe a sigh of relief as he came to my side once more, the immediate area lit up on my watch in warning. “Threat level is at least an A. I have to go-”
“Stay here. I’ll be right back.” Xavier pushed gently at my shoulder to have me sit back in place where he had left me. A red light poked out of his collar with the motion. 
I blinked in confusion, but shook my head as I argued, “No, Xavier, you-” The sound of his sword being drawn cut me off. And he was already gone, dissolved into tiny firefly flecks of light fading into the evening breeze.
I tsked. Standing up, I brushed myself off. I would make sure everyone here was safe, and then, I would go hunt down my stubborn partner and give him a word or two about not underestimating my ability to help or to do my job.
I revved the engine of my motorbike as I weaved in and out of traffic. My watch never tracked Xavier unless we were on a mission together, so it was useless. But, I knew the neighborhood he was headed to and I had my evol. A perk of my special evol and another reason leadership at the Association made a big deal about it when they found out is due to its ability to sense energies. And right now, I was putting every bit of my focus into location Xavier. 
But more than that… I had a secret. My mouth curved into a grin as I thought back to that secret call with Jeremiah after I brought him those signed photographs the other day. I switched the signal of my watch like Jeremiah showed me, a few seconds passed and a bleep then an hologram map came up with a little yellow flashing dot. I really owed Jeremiah something more than those autograph pictures.
I frowned as I slipped between two more vehicles waving off the honking. I had no time for pleasantries. Xavier’s energy levels were low today, with the amount of naps he had been taking, then there was the stunt he pulled to shield us in that explosion, and then clearing the factory and teleporting around everywhere. He had to be running on empty.
My frown deepened as I hit the throttle harder, my engine’s humming lower as I watched the little yellow flashing dot at the edge of the holomap, waiting for it to move and hint at a direction other than ahead, all while scanning with my evol for any sign, any trace, any–
There!
I leaned, yanking the bike in a tight turn down an alleyway where the yellow dot flashed rapidly indicating low energy. Xavier was down here somewhere…
There he was cornered by a bunch of muscled, meathead, hired men from the look of it. I flipped on my brights as I revved the engine, zipping down the lane. The hired muscle leaped out of the way as they shielded their eyes from the blinding light. A swift kick from an extended boot heel sent one crashing into the brick wall as I flew past. I skidded to a stop in front of Xavier, who was leaning against a wall with his sword in his grip. 
With a look of awe, or perhaps startled, he blindly reached out towards me. I yanked him onto the back of my bike, “Hold on tight.” His arms wrapped around me, and I hit the throttle back full force, launching us out of the alley and out of the grasp of meaty arms. Their voices and yells fell behind as I zipped us through the tight twists and turns of the back alleyways.
The engines of two cars gaining speed showed that they were gaining on us. I zipped through intersections and back onto other alleyways, winding and turning to lose them and keep them away from civilian traffic. I could hear them behind us still. They were not giving up.
I growled, hitting the throttle harder. Just who the hell were the guys? And why were they after Xavier?
“Take a left at the next intersection,” came Xavier’s soft voice into my ear, “There’s a factory. Go through the back door.”
I did as he says. When we zoomed out of the back of the factory, I heard the heavy crash of a steel gate falling. It blocked out the frantic shouting behind it.
“Done,” He reached out and highlighted a spot on the AR navigation of my bike. “Head to this location.”
I twisted around to glance over my shoulder, “Xavier, who were those people? Why were they after you?”
A grimace crossed his face as he averted his eyes, “How did you know I was there?”
“Answer my question first.” My voice was sharp.
Xavier let out a sigh, his forehead came to rest on my shoulder. Out of exhaustion or resignation, I couldn’t guess. “They’re probably the people behind the recent Wanderer attacks.”
I blinked, taken aback. “So the explosion earlier, and the Wanderers on set… that was also their doing?”
“Yeah,” He nudged my shoulder with his nose slightly, “Your turn.”
“Um…” I hesitated before lying, “My evol.”
“Liar.” His tone was teasing, hinting at my jab at him from earlier that day. He tsked, “I know you can sense with your evol-”
“How do you know th-” that was classified. But then again, was it really any surprise he knew.
“But,” he interrupted, raising his head to rest his chin on my shoulder, “That is not what found me. Your evol is good, but to locate me as you drive as fast as you were on your motorbike through a packed city?”
“...”
“I answered you…” his tone sounded disappointed, sad even, maybe hurt.
I winced, “I put an invisible transmitter on you.”
I could feel him stiffen slightly, “When?”
I chewed my lip, mind replaying the moment from days before. ‘Back in your dressing room the other day… when I accidentally scratched you. It was accident. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I was trying to place it,’ I answered in my mind. Out loud, I clicked my tongue, “That was your second question, by the way.”
I mentally thanked Jeremiah again. If not for his call and worry about Xavier pushing himself too far, I would not have been able to find him tonight. Still, I hadn’t expected to need to use it so soon.
“In other words,” I continued after a heavy silence, admitting the knowledge I had gleaned from the updates Jeremiah had installed into my watch, the transmitter and its holomap, “I knew your location for the past two days. The strange Metaflux surges in all those places, the Wanderer attacks… You were the one who took them all out, right?” 
His arms wrapped around my waist tightened slightly. “You’ve gotten smarter.”
I huffed, “A certain someone keeps disappearing without a word and holding little secrets. What was I supposed to do if not get smarter? Not to mention… You are clearly hiding a big secret. You say I’ve gotten smarter, but I was never dumb, Xavier.”
“No,” it almost felt as though he nuzzled into my neck, but he chuckled, “You most definitely were never that.”
I eyed him over my shoulder spotting his little grin and frowned, “What is so funny, huh? If I had not found you when I did, could you have dealt with all of those enemies on your own?”
His eyes were somber as they met mine, “No, I owe you one.”
I hummed, tipping my thumb on my handlebars, “If you really want to repay me, all you have to do is-”
A loud crash of glass shattering filled the air, cutting me off. The revving of car engines sounds in from the other side reminding us both of the bad guys outside trying to get us.
“That was fast,” I grumbled, revving my engine, “Xavier, hold on tight!” I hit the full throttle and we are off, disappearing in the blink of an eye down a dark alley.
When we arrived at the location Xavier marked, in the middle of a forest, Xavier got off the back of my bike, and I kicked the kickstand. Removing my helmet, I looked around my eyes fell onto an odd structure not far away from us. Its massive structure sticking out of the large meadow covered in vines. “Where are we?”
“No Hunt zone no. 42,” he answered matter of factly.
I shook my head with a sigh, “No, I know where we are. I meant…” I pointed to the weird metal ruins over his shoulder. Fireflies danced around the thing giving it an almost fairytale-like feel. I couldn’t help feeling some odd sense of having been there before. “What is that?”
He doesn’t answer. Instead, he called forth two small orbs of light with his evol to illuminate the steep path of embanked earth at the base of the structure. The added light made it obvious that whatever this thing was- it had impacted the ground. Hard. He held out a hand to me, “Careful.”
My curiosity won out over any hesitation, plus, I trusted Xavier implicitly to not lead me into danger. I slipped my hand into his, ignoring the pleasant shiver that traveled up my arm from the contact of his leather glove. 
The slight upward curl at the corner of his lips revealed that he had noticed, but he said nothing about it as he led me carefully towards an opening in the ruins. His grip was warm and strong as he helped me step over a large rock in the path. When I stumbled as some soften earth on the climb gave way, his grip on my waist was firm and his footing steady, even as I thumped into his chest with a soft huff.
I chewed my lip, glancing up at him. My cheeks felt hot. He had caught me, but I was pressed to his chest and his grip… I swallowed, my eyes looking away from the deep pools of blue. Stepping back, his hands seemed almost reluctant to let me loose. “I’m sorry.”
His hand found mine again. “Don’t be,” came his soft reply. 
I wondered if he could feel my pulse in our joined hands as he led me once more. I was so wrapped up in the swirl of feelings for him that had surged up within me that I didn’t even realize that we had reached the intended destination and came to a stop. 
A small gasp escaped me as I looked around. Xavier let our hands part as I stepped forward to explore. There was a massive control panel of some kind, covered in vines. Wires were hanging and tangled. The forest had slowly been taking over the space, showing a long passing of time. The cabin we stood in had been split open. The scent of rust and dust filled the air. I brushed the dust and fallen vegetation from the control panel and try to make out the symbols and numbers on it to no avail. It seemed otherworldly. And I realized–
“This is- was a spaceship, wasn’t it?”
A blue light flashed, and I saw Xavier releasing a knob.
Without thought, I used my evol to sense the surroundings, still slightly on guard in this strange place. The protofield around us had changed. “Xavier?”
“They wont be able to find us now.”
I released a sigh, relaxing finally. I nodded and examined the machinery he had activated. It was all so bizarre and amazing. “This ship has been here for a long time by the looks of it,” my voice was filled with awe, “and yet, it still works.” A feeling came over me, and I asked slightly hesitant, because I knew he still hid many secrets from me, “This spaceship… Is it yours?”
“I just… know it's here.”
A sigh escaped me. My stomach fell a bit, “So… you must’ve known it was here for a long time, huh?”
He hesitated for a long while before finally giving me a vague, “Mm” in response.
I tried not to let that hurt– the distance he still held between us sometimes, but I couldn’t help it. I nodded, letting my curious fingers fall from their exploring.
An odd sound echoed through the metal ruins. 
I was instantly back on guard, “What was that sound?”
His tone was melancholy as he glanced over my face, “It is probably a small animal.” He seemed to snap out of whatever was on his mind as his vision sharpened and he glanced into the dark, “Or it could be a Wanderer. Any change in protofields can cause metaflux fluctuations. Could you… go take a look?”
“Sure, but…” I trailed off. I didn’t sense any change in metaflux nor any Wanderers. My eyes went back to Xavier, who averted his gaze and pretended to be focused on brushing off some vines. Oh, I realized what he wanted. He wanted privacy to do something, and he didn’t want me knowing about what it was he was going to do, and for whatever reason, he didn’t just come out and ask. My tone was harder, more distant from the hurt, “Right. I’ll check the area.”
His brows furrowed and he stepped towards me, hand outreached, “Y/N…”
He trailed off, hand falling as I stepped away from his touch. I plastered a fake smile on. If he wanted to pretend, then fine. I’d pretend too. “Just don’t do anything reckless while I’m gone.” I ignored the pained and desperate call of my name that fell from his lips once more as I turned and walked away. Just as I ignored that sharp pain in my chest from the sting of Xavier once more pushing me away.
No matter how I felt. He clearly wanted a wall between us to remain. I resolved myself to swallow down the sting and my growing feelings. He was my partner. My neighbor. And maybe, my friend.
But that was all.
-
I checked the surroundings several times, both as a distraction to myself and to give him time to do… whatever it was he wanted to do in peace. Finally, I could find no other excuse for myself to not go back.
“Xavier, I checked the area several times over. There are no Wanderers. And those thugs have not found-” I stopped. The room was empty. “Xavier… where the hell are you?” My jaw ticked. Not only was he keeping secrets, but he just left me here? Without a word? I tsked, irritated. But it just didn’t seem right. 
I ran my hand over my face, and pushed my hurt feelings aside for a minute. Xavier wouldn’t just take me out here and abandon me. He didn’t return my feelings, sure. Clearly, if the way he kept me at arms length was any indication. But he wasn't an asshole. And he was a good partner. There were guys looking for us both out there. He wouldn’t leave.
I sighed and began searching around the area, inside the ship this time. Finally, I came upon him. In a chamber-like room filled with strange pods- sleep pods from the looks of it. Xavier was curled up in one, his eyes closed and brows furrowed. The position he was in didn’t seem very comfortable, but his breaths were slow and deep. 
Slightly concerned, I called out to him softly, “Xavier?” But he was fast asleep. Stepping back slightly, my hip bumped a table and two syringes fell to the ground. I picked them up curious. They were empty, and the odd numbers and symbols on them matched the ones on the control panel. They were clearly recently used. My eyes went back to Xavier’s sleeping form in the pod. …Had he?...
A tiny burst of panic filled me and I checked for his pulse, reaching in past the odd force field to place my fingers at his neck’s pulse point. But aside from the strange collar with red light, there was nothing off with him. Both his heart rate and temperature felt fine. I watched his sleeping face and sighed. There was nothing to do but wait it out.
Just to be safe, I’d synced his monitor with mine. I couldn’t be sure he didn’t take whatever was in those syringes, and I couldn’t know what was in them. As I was syncing them, an alert came through my watch.
Azure Square, the heart of the City was under attack. The wanderer level was unmeasurable and the amount was too.
“This has to be those people again,” I tsked. Looking back to Xavier, he was still deep asleep. I typed out a message to him for when he woke up, and I sent one to Jeremiah as well. He would be able to find Xavier if something went wrong. Afterall, he had the tracker information with Xavier’s vitals too. Xavier would be taken care of. Jeremiah would see to it.
I looked back to Xavier’s sleeping face, and reached out to smooth his furrowed brow, “Rest, Xavier. I will be back for you. I promise.”
With no other option, I left for the Square. People’s lives were in danger because of the same dangerous people that were after Xavier. I was going to end this. Once and for all.
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Hope you all enjoyed this one! And I hope everyone had a good holiday season! The next one will be coming out much faster! Also, the relationship is about to heat up, so buckle up!
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Tag list:
@xxfaithlynxx @moonsavior @2kyute2poot @yournextdoorhousewitch @sapphoslostkid @ivohex @cherimoyatea @sandy2848582 @adorezhi
As always, thank you for your support and for reading! Please comment to be added to the list!
25 notes · View notes
aramynx · 1 day ago
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hello! i really LOOOVEE your writings especially shouto’s if it’s alright with you could you please write about shouto being such a gentleman as a boyfriend that the reader can depend entirely on him? like the reader is sooo independent until she’s with shouto, she could ‘turn her brain off’ bcs she knows shouto would take care of everything for her hehehehe. THANK YOU IN ADVANCEE ILYYY
YES 🫶 ABSOLUTELY ‼️🫶 I HOPE YOU ENJOYYYYY
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DEPENDABLE…
SHOTO TODOROKI X READER
summary: shoto is so eager to help you in any way he can, he’s happy to do whatever it takes to make your days even just a little bit easier
a/n: i love this so much actually, it’s more of a ramble than a coherent story but i hope you enjoy! thank you so much for your request! xoxo
*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*
It was hard for you to learn to depend on others. Until you started dating Shoto, you were absolutely determined to do everything yourself- that’s what you were already used to and it was never really a problem. When Shoto came along, it was like you never had to do anything for yourself again when he was with you.
With Shoto around, you didn’t need to worry about if you’d be able to pay your part of the shared rent that month; if you needed to depend on Shoto a little then you could. He already thinks that you should let him cover the rent since his income is much higher, but understands that you feel the need to contribute. If you chose to stop working at any point, you’d be able to live comfortably with Shoto.
The dynamic of his parents’ marriage isn’t something Shoto wants to recreate in your relationship. Around the house, his mother was always taking care of things; she was constantly exhausted since her workload was infinite. Shoto thinks of it as unfair, since he also lives in your shared home, he should take on some chores when he’s able to.
Usually, you’re very insistent on doing the majority of the work since Shoto is the main breadwinner for you both, so he decides he’ll do his part in the early hours of the morning before you have a chance to wake up and protest.
You wake up tucked into bed comfortably, Shoto’s pillow fluffed up neatly beside you in the empty space. The air is cold as you walk downstairs slowly, making your way towards the pile of laundry you had been avoiding for the last couple of days. As you approched the laundry room, a gentle hum could be heard from the other side of the door. Upon opening if, you were greeted by the pleasant sight of the laundry washed, dried, and folded on top of the machine, separated into yours and Shoto’s respective clothing. Beside it, a small yellow sticky note:
“Good morning, my love. I hope this makes your day a bit easier. Love, Shoto.”
Shoto was always happy to help you- he didn’t think of it as a chore, it was his responsibility. Carrying groceries inside was something he had learnt to master doing in one trip from the car to the kitchen, and of course, your hands were always empty. Whenever you’d go shopping together, Shoto would carry all of the bags, no matter how many. He’d try and fit as many as he could in one hand to make sure you could still hold his other if you wanted to.
Despite having his hands full 90% of the time, Shoto makes sure he opens doors for you, smiling as you walk though and wait for him on the other side. He tends to move himself to the outside of the pavement when you walk together, keeping you close to him in more crowded areas of the city. His hands seem to always stop you from mindlessly walking over crossings without looking; something that he’s grown used to you doing when he’s beside you. Shoto doesn’t really understand why you seem to enter a complete trance around him- he thinks that you get lost in your own little world sometimes, and the starry expression on your face only convinces him more.
He knows how you were before he came along- you’d do everything by yourself, no matter how difficult. He knows you’re capable, but he doesn’t want you to feel as if you need to do everything alone- he wants to look after you to the best of his ability, and he expects nothing from you in return.
Cooking definitely isn’t Shoto’s strongest skill. He can manage the basics, just barely. He’s definitely gotten better by watching you cook for him in the evenings, a starstruck look in his eyes as he does. Nothing tastes better than the meals you cook for him. You’re happy to give something back to the man who does almost everything for you, especially when he smiles so warmly every time you place his plate in front of him. You stay at the table together until you both finish, then Shoto thanks you for the food, and takes your plates over to the sink to start washing up. It’s a little routine you’ve developed over time.
While Shoto’s busy doing dishes, you tidy up the table and wipe it down before heading into the living room and picking a new movie for you to watch together, gathering blankets and cushions to create the perfect cuddle nest. After a few minutes, Shoto comes in to see you flicking through your options. He sets two drinks down on the table in front of you and presses a kiss to your forehead before asking what you were going to watch that night. If you needed anything at all, he’d be the one getting up, no matter how comfortable he was.
When you inevitable fall asleep on the couch, Shoto turns off the movie and scoops you up to carry you to bed, placing you down as gently as he can and tucking you in, his lips lightly pressing against your forehead before he whispers,
“Sweet dreams, my dear…”
Being around Shoto meant that you could float around doing little tasks without worrying about so many things at once- after all, your dependable boyfriend had already managed to get them done before you could object.
*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*
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sandorsubs · 2 days ago
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wiring your brain to control shifting
i was playing a video game but level was extremely hard. i shed blood and sweat, thinking "maybe this game is for pros and i'm not a good gamer" i was this close to give up but i wanted to see rest of the game so badly i kept trying. finally i passed it thinking it's just luck.
years later i played the game again. i hesitated at first but passed the same level in my first try. mind you i didn't become pro gamer or anything in all these years. it was just my brain wiring in the background, collecting data to find out what to do exactly but i've never realized this until i have to do it again.
if you ever said "i have never been able to do this throughout my life" for anything wait for a second and admit this is just a mental block you put between you and your desire. when you are wiring your brain, you don't realize it's happening, looks like nothing is changing or only little changes happening. because you don't see what's happening in background. it actually becomes easier but we don't care because if it's easier we are too focused on moving forward and achieving the desire.
then a random day it feels natural being able to do that. almost like you were born with this.
i've said this in my previous post, shifting isn't a skill/talent/sth related to luck or genetics. if you still think shifting is just one big change happens rarely and miraculously, please try to change that.
because shifting is just like water. it can be a drop or big ass ocean(depending on the changes in the realities). just because you've never seen an ocean, it doesn't mean you can't look at rain and say guess there has to be more.
you won't wire your brain to shift but to control it. if you aren't new to shifting, at least couple months passed since you've started your journey, your wiring has already started.
how wiring works for shifting?
i'll call this wiring path. you either stick to one thing you like or feel comfortable with, even a little interest is more than enough. or find an existing wiring path. the times you felt close to shifting for example. maybe a little voice keeps telling you this is your method. you probably have more than one wiring paths for shifting, but they are like unfinished projects. one of them must be more prominent, like at least 50% finished project.
after you've decided on your wiring path, it's not any different from achieving anything. you are not a monk, you won't be spending eternity if you are actively learning. do you know those clicking moments? you can meditate for thirty hours straight but a feeling or realization in one of your attempts takes wiring process further. and i gotta admit, maybe you needed those thirty hours meditation to realize this. that's what i love about wiring. nothing goes is in vain.
everything you do takes your wiring further.
if it feels like literally nothing is changing, you either work on more than one wiring paths or the process slowed down.
when you are not aware of this wiring, it's like pushing all the buttons and hope for best. that's what they mean by lock in. because trying everything at the same time or having backup methods is working on more than one wiring paths.
it's like learning ten languages at the same time but you are barely a1 in all of them.
like i said you have more than one wiring paths and they are unfinished projects, they all have potential. don't give them powers thinking one of them is better than the other. you make them work better with yourself. you have power to choose.
wiring from loa perspective
before loa folks come and say "so what you are saying is, you have to actually do sth to shift? stop planting assumptions in people's minds! i don't have to do anything to shift!"
baby, i'm gonna hold your hand while saying this, you assumption is also a work. you assumed you don't need 46 step method to shift or you have already shifted, right? good, i'm happy for you but see that's also a work. you still do something. you wire your brain this is how you'll control shifting. seriously, what do you consider as "work"? i'm not telling you to do 30 push-ups everyday. (i'm not being sarcastic btw, i love loa. but some of y'all doesn't like to see anything out of assumption-core. this isn't progressive and if my opinions are shaking the foundation of your assumption, sorry but maybe it's not much of an assumption because it shouldn't matter even the whole world is against you when it comes to loa -sandor goddard). whatever get on the ship loa gang, we are sailing
why "tried it all" shifters couldn't complete their wiring process then?
so i remember a person in my dm saying "i've tried a particular method for long period of time. i've tried it all and gave time."
i picture a student when i see "tried it all" shifters. this student thinks if they study math and score high marks in exams they'll be a perfect student. so they start working hard, ignoring the fact they hate math or find it hard to understand.
maybe they're interested in sports or literature but this student is obsessed with having perfect student image. they are not actively wiring, they are bargaining which only slows down and takes extra effort even to reach a milestone. they'll still have hard time to wire their brain even in subjects they do like. they study for 9 hours straight but the friend of them sniffs the textbook and scores higher.
then we have to let go of desire? it depends, i think there are two kinds of desire: first, a desire that helps you, reminds you of what you want to have and the second, desire that reminds you, what's lack. if your desire feels like a liability or its leeching you it's the second one. atp what your desire is unimportant. it's about how you see this unaccomplished desire.
plus if you are actively wiring your brain, you won't even have time to think about this desire obsessively. because you are too focused on what to do, desire is just a fuel and collectively helping you.
so people whose shifted in first attempt didn't wire any shit?
when you bumped into a "i shifted in my first attempt" person next rime, know that they are not shifting gods or prophets. they just figured out in instant what makes their brain easier to wire for controlling shifts. let's be fr some people are gifted with focusing or visualizing. they have useful existing wiring paths for shifting. plus i want to remind you something:
don't underestimate the power of a blank page. neutrality has higher frequency than courage, do you know why? because you don't have any fears or worries, when you are neutral you don't need a reason be courageous. i know if i erease your shifting attempts from your memory right now, you'd be shifting in your "first" attempt either. because most of the time you deal with your fears and worries instead of actively wiring.
how to actively wire?
people are trembling, throwing up and procrastinating when it comes to "attempt". i don't even want to call it attempt because you are actively learning. and no it's not "dw we learn from every attempt 🌺🌻✨" kinda motivation, it's literally how your brain is getting wired.
let's assume you find your wiring path, it's more prominent than other paths you have. for example its raven method + visualizing and falling asleep. you felt close to shifting with this method before. be aware of your every attempt and observe closely because by the time you'll get better at each part of your method. active wiring is not doing the same thing everyday robotically.
maybe normally you count to 100 but one day you feel you are already focused when you reached 40. or your focusing skills improved so much, you need to discard counting part, because you already wired that part in your brain. or you were visualizing yourself in your dr bed but suddenly you felt like you want to visualize one of your dr memories. your brain will be more invested in something they find interested. in previous student example i gave you, bargaining person misses these moments, they stubbornly do the same thing and rarely progress.
don't be scared of working on your wiring path. if you feel like you are waiting or pending, your wiring only slowed down. it doesn't always mean you need to do something, maybe you need to observe what you are doing and make simple changes. even if it means taking a break.
active wiring is not waiting for the day you'll achieve it. when you are learning a new skill you do your thing and expect it to be successful every single time even if it's your first time. you can almost see yourself achieving it. this expectation doesn't come from bargaining tho, it's your desire, the healthy kind.
in next posts i'll be sharing my way to wire my brain to control shifting and the terms i came up with. this is how i observed and decided to use wiring for myself. please take care and don't consume everything you read if it feels wrong or doesn't sit with you, or you don't even want to accept it true. spit it out. same for this post.
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star-ocean-peahen · 2 years ago
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i dont even knkow what im feeling right now
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 months ago
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None of our hands are clean
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangshan#mianmian#The secret meaning behind one of the jin members scuttling off is:#I couldn't make three people work out in the remaining panels and per my rule of '3 attempts and take a different approach' he had to go.#Sometimes there are meaningful reasons why something happens in the background. And sometimes it is like this.#Let's just say he saw what was about to happen and got out of there before mianmian started throwing hands.#Okay no more delay. The sheer boldness to call WWX a killer in a room full of people who wear their war body count as a badge...#It's about hypocrisy yes - but it is also about how the narrative shifts on the same action depending on the frame.#Because at the end of the day...the blood on our hands is still blood on our hands.#Both the deaths on the battlefield and the deaths of the Jin's abusing the Wen remnants are still deaths caused by another.#They are also deaths that - depending who holds the frame - are noble acts to protect others.#But it isn't supposed to be about who was right and who was wrong.#It is about the need to be seen as the victim to avoid culpability.#Because if you aren't responsible you don't have to be held accountable. You don't have to grow or change.#If someone takes all the blame then there is no need to reflect on your own faults.#We have to protect our fragile ego from the mirror lest it shatter and we have to remake it anew.#Horrifically enough...even if WWX spared the Jin guards or even never ran into Wen Qing#He wouldn't have been able to escape being the scapegoat. He downfall was set into motion a long time ago.#My goodness...What a deliciously tragic story Wei Wuxian's first life was.
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oncominggstorm · 8 days ago
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My aunt decided a good way to wish me a happy birthday would be to text me a picture of me & my dead dad from my 22nd birthday.
Like yay thanks, I totally wanted to be sad and missing my dad on my birthday. I definitely wasn't trying to do the "out of sight out of mind don't think about sad things" thing to get through it without crying or anything 👍 Definitely wasn't already struggling missing not getting a happy birthday text from him 👍👍
#and like I get that her intentions were good but i find it SO rude#why would you bring up something heart wrenchingly sad to someone on their birthday? Unless they've indicated to you that they want that#it wasn't even like it was a new picture/one she could reasonably believe I hadn't seen before#we literally used a cropped version of that exact photo for his obituary#she has done something similar with EVERY SINGLE holiday since he died#fathers day & his birthday & thanksgiving & christmas all of them we got texts like “i know how hard today must be!”#like uh no i was doing fine til I got your text actually cuz I was blocking it all out & now your text has forced me to think about it#we're not even that close? Like she legit had never texted me before my dad died#and the last conversation I had with her was her telling me that me needing help with things was co-dependence#rather than a legit need because I am disabled#and that keeping my curtains closed all the time was unhealthy#and when I tried to explain sensory issues she said that she 'gets headaches from the sun sometimes too but you just have to power through'#as if that's the same thing as sensory issues from autism#(which she is apparently an expert on because she is a nurse and has worked with a few young boys with autism)#like literally she claimed she knew better than my actual doctor who diagnoses autism for a living#or my therapist who sees me twice a week (whereas i speak to my aunt MAYBE once a year)#oh also did you know that I should totally be able to hold down a full time job?#because the 18 year old autistic boy she knows whose parents do literally everything to support him and who has zero other responsibilities#and a huge support network trying to meet his needs#well HE'S able to work part time at the movie theater#so obviously that means that I should be able to work too because we're all the same#yeah anyway sorry rant over#it just really upset me#also because I was so upset I forgot I wanted to go to the park on my way home from the weed store 😔#beth posts
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