#wild how this is more fandom-y than anything i did on the internet as a teen

[carmanza]

deltarune mysteries and/or gaster music video

[whysojiminimnida]

It saddens me to see Jikook supporter and translator accounts bullied off SM platforms. I fully respect people doing what is right for their mental health if they find the pressure gets to be too much. I just hate to see the trolls win and wonder whether you, as a grown adult who has demonstrated the ability to delete toxic comments and tell off the crazies when necessary, have some tips you can share to help others be strong.

Hi anon, I dunno if I'm the best advice rabbit, but I'll just share anyway because, well, you're here, so. And I have seen a few "goodbye social media" posts lately. I have seen many, many posts like that over my *coughdecadescough* years online.

Listen, kids, it's a rule of the internet. If you're gonna leave, LEAVE. This whole idea of "my mental health is suffering because I cannot disengage the entertainment part of my brain from my actual real social life and I need you all to understand that" is, at best, unhealthy. It smacks of attention-seeking and an inability to be proactive without constant external feedback. A short explanation is fine if you're a large account, but...

...nobody needs to read pages of drama about how you simply cannot anymore. If you can't, don't. YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN SOME EPHEMERAL IDEA OF ONLINE REACH. Say that again if necessary. Into the mirror. Out loud. "Go outside and touch some grass" is actually a very good strategy for dealing with online stressors.

This is not to give people a rough time or to minimize someone's hurt feelings or pain, at all. I'm just gonna tell you how it WAS, and then how it IS:

In the early years of the interwebz, the place of AOL and Myspace and Blogspot and (gasp) the /b/ board at 4chan, we called ourselves "fags" and new people were "cancer". If you wrote a whole "goodbye cruel internet" post it was likely to get you doxxed, published, and a crisis team called to your house. YOU THINK I AM JOKING, I AM NOT JOKING. We didn't do anything if it wasn't behind seven proxies and jokes about everything were on the table. It was the Wild West, much more than the gatekeeping and "we don't assume X about Y" that we see in 2022. And to be honest people did harm themselves over it then just like they do now. Difference is, excepting a few white knights, most people figured that was a you problem. The 90s and early 00s were not a sensitive time. If you couldn't hang you were teased mercilessly and then forgotten, to be replaced with another kid whose mother would get a call at work from a random stranger in Ohio, telling her that her kid was at home looking at gay dolphin porn and needed an adult.

My advice for not letting trolls win? DON'T LET THE FUCKING TROLLS WIN. Seriously, that's it. It's not that hard. But let me break it down for you:

1. TURN IT OFF. Leave your phone (gasp) on the charger, kill your laptop, and GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE.

2. LEAVE IT OFF UNTIL YOU GAIN SOME PERSPECTIVE OR FEEL BETTER. Seriously, entire generations of people grew up without a phone attached to their hand. Some of us had CORDS on ours and they were located IN THE HOUSE and we had to SHARE THEM. You will not die if you unplug for ten minutes. My god I sound like my father DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU PEOPLE ARE TURNING ME INTO

3. LITERALLY GO OUTSIDE. For something other than school or work. If you have not seen the daytime sky in awhile now is a great time for that. Or the nighttime sky. Get on a roof DON'T JUMP and fucking BREATHE AIR. Your body probably needs the quiet time. 4. TALK TO A HUMAN FACE TO FACE. Who does not live in your house. It can be a store clerk (BE NICE) or a bus driver or your elderly neighbor. Doesn't have to be long, just "Hello" or "You look nice today" or something that isn't "screaming shaking crying please come home Jimin".

And this sounds really extreme BECAUSE IT IS: IF YOU NEED TO SAVE YOUR SANITY AND IT IS THAT SERIOUS, LEAVE THE FANDOM FOR AWHILE. I mean it. I unplug this monster about once a week for a couple of days just to experience life and nurture actual relationships with real people who are not behind a screen. But if you are finding yourself unable to disengage, you may want to, I dunno, TAKE A DANCE CLASS or JOIN A STAMP COLLECTING CLUB or GO GET A HICKEY, whatever works for you. Smile at someone. Look them in the eye. Remind yourself that you are human and often, what you are perceiving is what is being fed to you from behind a screen. We do not live in an alternate universe storyline. Cook actual food. Clean your space. Listen to NON-BTS MUSIC FOR FIVE MINUTES. Volunteer at a nursing home or assisted living facility or your city's animal shelter, if you can. TAKE A WALK. And above all, remember that BTS are ENTERTAINERS. That means they are here to ENTERTAIN US. If you are not having a good time it is time to step out of the vehicle and catch it on the next round.

I love you all. I'm sorry if I sounded like your dad or my dad. Please stay safe out there. And if you need a break I'll be here when you get back. OKAY?!?! OKAY!!! (/jungkoo)

[n4mina]

the need to know. [teaser].

pairing: jung hoseok x fem!reader

summary: in which you & hoseok love keeping media on the need to know.

warnings: fwb (?) , platonic!ot7 (except hobi), western artist yn, idol!hobi, cussing, angst/fluff

authors note: happy (belated) birthday to my beloved hobi. thank you for always being my light ♡ also, i love f2l & idol aus so here it is…! enjoy! feedback is appreciated

authors note pt 2: this was inspired by this song! debating on whether i want this to be a drabble series or not, please lmk your thoughts on this teaser (:

release date: tba

word count: roughly 0.6k, & counting! just wanted to share a lil wip — tbh i cut some paragraphs out inbetween and put dividers in lololol, i’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense

Your relationship with Hoseok was simple: whenever your schedules allowed you to, the two of you often spent time together. There weren't any labels involved, something about it being too complicated or whatever he said. You didn’t mind it. You actually preferred not having a label – the terms boyfriend and girlfriend haunted you.

Popstar Y/N L/N seen having a romantic evening with BTS Member J-hope during her last visit to Korea! Are these two more than what we thought they were? Read more by clicking the link in bio!

“Has Mr. Jung contacted you at all today?”

“Considering it’s about 4 AM in Seoul right now and he’s on vacation, I doubt he’s awake.” Your gaze was still on your fiddling fingers, playing with the cold rings that occupied them.

It’s been the longest day of your life. Not only did you have your fans acting wild on the internet, but your mom wouldn’t stop calling you.

You let her ring your phone about ten times before actually picking up, and when she did, you were met with a string of curses and complaints coming from her mouth. ’Y/N! Why didn’t you tell me? Hoseok is a nice guy, not the member I thought you’d go for, but I’m not complaining. So how long have you guys been together? I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me. Did I do something?’

After an hour of convincing her you two weren’t together and she didn’t do anything wrong, she finally hung up and left you alone. Though that wasn’t the only complaint you heard.

Social media had a lot to say. As much as you wished to speak your truth, you did promise your manager you wouldn’t say a thing until he gave you the clear. You just hated the way the two fandoms – and random people – had to input their voices on what you guys were doing. (And it wasn’t a relationship). You just hope Hoseok contacts you as soon as possible, so you can run to your socials and shut them all down.

As if there were an angel by your side, a notification from the man himself shook you out of his thoughts.

j. hoseok ♡: just woke up

j. hoseok ♡: you good?

j. hoseok ♡: you didn’t text me at all, are you mad at me..?

j. hoseok ♡: listen i know we got caught up but i think i have a plan

j. hoseok ♡: just, hear me out.

© n4mina. please do not repost my work on any other platform. thank you!

[bastardennis]

• tagged by @prince-luffy

1. why did you choose your url? It's really self explanatory innit? 2. any side blogs? Actually yes, I have trouble separating fandoms so when I get ~into stuff a bit too much, I create a sideblog for it. My main blog is actually @metalicar but I haven't even been watching SPN for the last couple of years, I mostly use it to follow all the fan content I like and keep myself up to date for any new shenanigans happening over there. Some of my others are @silverhandpunk for some game stuff (but it's pretty empty there and not at all active), @bambicoldwaughter for The Magicians stuff (that I've basically killed dead after The Event) and some random aesthetique blogs for my personal visual pleasure (@chrysleralmighty, @vanderohe).

3. how long have you been on tumblr? Whooo boy... I think I have like... more than 1400 pages of reblogs and stuff on my main blog, so at least 9 years?

4. do you have a queue tag? Nope, typing an extra q into the tags is so much work.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? I joined because of the dumpster fire that was Gossip Girl, specifically because of that one ship that never was. I never watched the last season and deleted all traces of it from my main blog.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? It's the cutest Mac face I've ever seen ngl, and I love Mac, he's my soul twin yeah I'm kinning Ronald McDonald and what about it?

7. why did you choose your header? *checks what the fuck even is my header* Oh, that! It's just the most homoerotic and subtext-y Macdennis image I've ever seen, and it was made as a promo for this show, isn't that wild? The brains on those people, I swear

8. what’s your post with the most notes? On my main blog? A post of Misha calling Dean pretty gay for keeping his trenchcoat and being def attracted to Cas... in 2012! (also, holy shit, never knew I somehow accumulated 60k notes for someone that hardly posts?)

On here? Apparently it's a video of Dennis being personally offended and/or massively hurt by Mac going back into the closet in "The Gang Goes To Hell Part Two".

9. how many mutuals do you have? No idea mate, my name blindness works against me on the internets. Also, I don't expect an automatic mutual follow so I don't keep up with the statistics. I'm sure there are people who would make great online friends but are bothered by some niche thing that I constantly post so they really don't need to follow me. Same thing in reverse, I love some of the people that follow me but their interests are so weirdly not my thing that I can't follow them even if I love their chats/asks. I just don't like the concept of "mutuals" in general, can't you tell?

10. how many followers do you have? Around 2.8k on main, ca. 400 on here.

11. how many people do you follow? It's 1337 actually, heh 😎

12. have you ever made a shit post? One man's shit post is another man's treasure (translation: I have no idea what constitues a shit post specifically? The notes or the content?)

13. how often do you use tumblr a day? A lot, it's my multiple fandom news feed, even if I only technically post about mostly one thing.

14. did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog? Nah, never even got a 'kill yourself' anon, and I was in the SPN fandom for years. I guess I'm just that unremarkable.

15. how do you feel about the you need to reblog posts? I don't feel anything specifically, I just.... don't reblog? I'm way past my caring phase, and it's mostly because it does nothing for my mental health. Tumblr is not surprisingly my escapism place, so I use it as such.

16. do you like tag games? Sure, 'cause I've got shit to say, y'know? actually I don't, I just like the sound of my keyboard clicking sometimes

17. do you like ask games? See above! also I love interacting with people? The problem with me interacting with people is.. well I just get into a procrastination loop of scrolling so I hardly initiate anything without being prompted. My ADHD allows only One (1) self-motivated action per day and the motivation for the rest needs to come from outside of my brain.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? The beauty of tumblr is that I literally have no idea. We could all be tumblr famous *insert communist bugs bunny meme*

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? Like a romantic crush? Probably not, idk. But I do get weirdly fixated on people sometimes, though it's usually An Idea of them through snippets of their online life.

tagging @pizzashakes @macronalds @silvermoonreds pls feel free to ignore the tag if you don't want to do it or already did 💗💜💙

[sugarhillpark]

2020 In Review

Tagged by @pyrchance Thank you and apologies I took my sweet time thinking about it. ❤️

Fics (finished and WIP!) written this year: 

I’m not gonna do links or word counts as I haven’t published most of these and they’re all WIPS. Just for the same reason I haven’t posted any of most of them: I don’t wanna get disheartened worrying about people waiting for updates or comparing myself to all these insanely productive amazing writers who have inspired me this year, which is a bad habit I’ve picked up lately. But I am gonna catalogue again.

Walls – Ryden post-split closure angst fic

Molly Ringwald’s Evil Dead Haunted House – Rikey and side Frerard vaguely-haunted-house-story AU getting together and first time fic

Be My Baby – Frerard first time PWP side fic to Molly Ringwald’s Evil Dead Haunted House set on the same night

Creatures of the Night – Rikey and side Frerard feat. ‘Ray fucking all of them because he’s accommodating’ housemates/supernatural creatures AU, in which Gerard and Frank start acting strange as a blood moon approaches near Christmas time and Ray discovers that Gerard is an incubus, that Frank is a vampire, that apparently blood moons make them ridiculously turned on, and that maybe he’s sad that Mikey doesn’t appear to be affected.

You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Nevada – Frerard and Rikey with various bandom side pairings Nevada brothel AU, in which Gerard and Mikey live and work on Z Berg and Patrick Stump’s Scorpion Ranch brothel, and Frank and Ray are customers who start to complicate their emotional landscapes.

You Really Ought To Know - Frerard and Rikey feat. almost all of them fucking Killjoys AU, in which the Ways take off to try to carry out a wild plan of Gerard’s without telling anyone and a devastated Frank and Ray take comfort in each other. When Gerard and Mikey arrive back after five weeks, they wrestle with the withdrawal of the intimacy and affection they took for granted. A ‘fucking in various configurations as an unhealthy coping mechanism’ wonderland.

Untitled Frerard Android fic – I feel like I’ll be able to explain the parts of this I’ve written a lot better once I have any idea what to name it.

Takeaways from reflecting on your kick-ass writing, or kick-ass lack of writing, during a year more focused on survival than perhaps any other:

This has been a motherfucking hard year to write. I’m a slow writer at the best of times and mid 2019-present has involved the worst exacerbation of my chronic condition in my life. It’s been incredibly frustrating to want to write and be crippled by constant pain, regular nausea and many entire days of lack of ability to even physically tolerate the amount of LIGHT required to write without puking, along with all the mental health garbage of 2020. I’ve also done the dumb thing of looking at amazing new people I’ve encountered in fandom and comparing their productivity to mine and beating myself up about it, which would’ve been a dick move @ myself even if I wasn’t sick.

On the plus side, I’ve gotten into a new fandom (MyChem) which has been massively inspiring and given me so much to play around with, and I’ve persevered to the best of my ability which I think is pretty awesome. I’ve also met a person who is pretty much my other half in fanfic land (muse, collaborator, internet-girlfriend-who-i-share-the-same-brain-with etc.) and I hadn’t realised how much I missed and wanted the collaborative aspect of how fanfic is inspired and consumed, whether it’s with you and one person or anything else. Love having that back.

Most surprising fic you wrote this year:

Probably Molly Ringwald’s Evil Dead Haunted House + Be My Baby or Creatures of the Night because they’re so fucking light and sweet (uh, except for the background horror themes part) compared to my usual angst-wallowing MyChem headcanons. That or You Really Ought To Know with how filthy and power-dynamic-laden-y a lot of the sex is. I kind of decided to not have any particular barriers with exploring sex and intimacy in shitty circumstances with that one, which has so far been nerve-wracking but also fun.

Best thing that happened this year because you write fic:

Tiny. 💕 It’s amazing that we’ve only been in each other’s lives for a year and because of a comment exchange on a fic because genuinely fuck knows what I did without you.

How you grew as a writer this year:

I tried a variety of new things and moved away from thinking about what I felt I should write into asking myself what I wanted to write and attempting to do that instead.

If someone’s going to read just one of your 2020 fics, which one should they read?

Probably Walls because I’ve been wanting to write it for the longest and I love it the most of all my babies. Also parts of it are actually posted, so there’s that.

What’s coming in 2021:

A lot more of all these freaking WIPS getting posted and finished, hopefully. Possibly one day even not being too ill and afraid of deadlines to participate in one of the fic challenges or exchanges because I’d love that. But baby steps.

I tag: @theyellowgrassgrows and anyone who wants to fill it out, especially if any of my followers are fanfic writers and I don’t know you write!

[branch--chief--faba]

Branch-Chief--Faba

It's me, the former owner of branch-chief--faba. 

Someone I know pointed out the post @trash-troll made and after reaching out to them they did imply me with their post. So let's start out with the obvious; me writing this post means I'm alive.  Though I should add 'barely' to that. 

Trash-Troll showed me screenshots of people talking about me. And after them convincing me to do it I've decided to write my version of what happened or more importantly.. how I feel about the whole thing. I am not here to debunk anything.. because it will become a he said/she said thing. Let’s just go into this wall of text by saying both parties fucked up.

The end of 2017 and all of 2018 were pretty bad for me, mentally. I was hurt and lost and I didn't know what to do. A year prior to that I made the blog.  It was fun! I never had so many people reaching out to me and willing to spend time to me. That was a whole new experience and in hindsight I didn't know how to deal with it. This isn't me debunking or saying something did or didn't happen but I guess I was in over my head. I had never been popular or even had friends before. Or friends who weren't forced to hang with me because of college or them being co-workers. You know how proud I was that people found me cute or pretty when I posted a selfie? Yeah that never happened before. It boosted my self esteem sky high. 

I did some things that in hindsight weren't smart or downright stupid. I let people play me. I fought battles for people I should have never fought. I was just so afraid that if I didn't do it- they leave and I'd be alone again. I didn’t purposely stick my nose in other’s business. I just wanted to help and now i feel that some people really took advantages of that. In that sense this blog was both a blessing.. and a curse for me. I was so obsessed with keeping everyone happy that I forgot my own happiness and I forgot to look further than the tip of my nose and to please some people I hurt some others, unintentional at the time.. but I understand now and I’m sorry.

I can only apologise for it now. I am to blame for my actions even though they were inspired by others and sometimes it was peer pressure.  I admit that I should've been stronger when i was in a discord made to slam a group of people. I've been a fool and absolutely stupid. You know those PSA’s when they tell you doing nothing is as bad as the bullying? Yeah. At times i was the bystander... and I wish I could undo it but I can’t. 

I feel like (now that I've seen screenshots..) that sometimes I was set up to vent about a person only for it to be shared. Was it fair for me to vent? Yes and no. In my eyes- I was hurt by a few people and I thought the person i was talking to (this venting only happened one on one, never in a group.) was someone I could trust. I know better now and I feel stupid. I said things in pure emotion and in confidence. I was angry and hurt and I just wanted to vent those feelings. Again, I'm the fool for walking into such an obvious trap. I don't blame anyone but myself. I should’ve know better. I really should. However, this isn't just about me. 

There are things people did that are wrong too. Things that hurt me. I will never forget me finding the courage to call someone out on how their actions harmed me mentally and them saying that 'It was my own fault for being too emotionally attached to them'. That's painful and that hurts, even today it haunts me to my core. 

I won't forget that I was doxxed, that i got daily anons to kill myself, that they wish I had cancer, etc.  Even though I enjoyed writing Faba up till that point I just had to slow down. I had up to 1000 asks at the end of it and a lot of them were nasty anons. I deleted one and two came in it's place. Eventually I just had to stop for my own sanity.  I know people suggested and would suggest now that I just should’ve turned the anons off but again. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I thought that turning them off would mean people wouldn’t like me anymore, because there were good anons too! I figured ‘why should they suffer because of a few’ and in hindsight.. I should’ve just turned the anons off. I know hindsight is 20/20 but.. 

It was around that time almost everything went sour and I still don't know why. This is not me being a idiot, I really don't know why. I am still so socially awkward and figuring out human emotions is hard for me. Sometimes I don't understand until someone tells me 'Hey I'm mad at you because you did X or Y' I'm working on it though but it's not easy.

I won’t forget how a duo of a cis man and a cis woman reached out to someone and pretended to be a gay couple. And I will never forgive myself for not stopping it.  And if you were the victim of this and if you read this then I’m so sorry. Know that I am absolutely disgusted with myself.

I will not forget how a new discord was made without me.. and the reason I wasn’t welcome? I was a supposed transphobe. I am not. Since deleting I’ve had A LOT of time to myself and I came to few conclusions about my gender and my sexual identity. DO NOT even think about use my dead name. I can’t believe someone would say that about me. 

I know people think I’m just some money hound and out for that but I’m not. I don’t give a single shit about money. I care about happiness and I’m not getting it and because of it I’m not growing as a person.

I won’t forget how hurt I was by the actions of a few. And I can’t forget because I feel it .. even today. It consumes me and I already hear people laughing about it. Because ‘haha look at this dumb fuck, right? It’s been a year.” but I just can’t. It’s etched so deep inside me that it makes me sick. 

I know you know who I'm talking about it. And I know you know it's you. I’m doing a favour and not tag anyone I’m going to leave the responsibility to owe up to your actions to you and if you don’t.. then that also speaks volumes about you as a person.  And those people I'm talking about need to take a good hard look at themselves. Instead of posting that 'the evil is defeated' gif or celebrating someone deleting out of despair. Because this is not the only story to tell. There are LOADS more. Trash-Troll showed me. Please just be kinder..

I cannot change the past and I will never deny myself having some part in it.. but no one should feel like I do over fandom stuff. NO ONE. And no one can really help you if you see someone get doxxed, bullied or threatened and you sit back thinking 'eh they deserve it' no one deserves it. I know we live in an age where internet is part of our lives. But for many the internet is a safe space where they can just be a little looser than usual.  Just block people.

What happened after I left this blog? I started by deleting my Discord, there were too many bad memories attached to it so I just dumped the whole thing out. I send a message explaining why I did it and send a few people who I thought I could trust my new discord. That not a single soul accepted my new friend request.. yeah that stung pretty hard. So, after keeping it up for two months and resending the friend requests.. I just deleted that one too. 

I stopped using my other socials, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. I had to quit my job. If you can recall it wasn't a job that required a lot of thinking so my thoughts were allowed to run wild. Sometimes I started working and I just didn't know how I got to the end of my shift. It was just.. there. I'd black out thinking about the whole mess. I was feeling numb for months, nothing would bring me joy or sadness. It was like I was stuck in the ocean. Just below the surface and not being able to reach out. I could see people on the shore and I could swear they could see me too, but it was safer to let me drown. 

I deleted all my tumblrs too. All of them. I didn't want anything to do with this place. I moved to twitter for a bit when I got lonely but that didn't stick. I had a few odd conversations but Twitter isn’t really the best place to talk about things I figured. 

I tried to get myself to draw and write again but I couldn't.. I just couldn't.  I tried but every time I opened a word document or put pen on paper I'd get antsy and panic-y.  I couldn't bring myself to create anything at all. Not writing, not art, nothing. Even drawing original characters or other fandom stuff. I couldn't. 

I was and still am too afraid to share anything with anyone.  My brain goes through a whole series of 'what ifs' when i'm trying to write or draw. "What if they like it and we get talking and I mess up again." or "What if I put a lot of effort in a work and people will ignore it on purpose because they know it's me?" those kinds of thoughts.  

My whole memory is warped. What really happend and what did my brain make up. I am not saying I’m not to blame for things, either partly or wholly but I NEVER had the intention to hurt people on purpose. I’m not hiding behind anything but fact remains that I am socially malformed. I don’t understand things. I spend the first 16 years of my life basically talking to no one and when I did.. I was the ‘weird kid’ or I heard my peer saying ‘Don’t talk to the freak.. so weird!’  I was never raised to be social and then I was dropped in a very social group full of very colourful people.I didn’t know how to handle it and it drove me literally nuts. 

I feel into a deep depression and the last two months of 2018 are a haze for me. I barely remember anything. I don’t remember Christmas, I don’t remember New Years. It’s a blur.  I almost died a couple of times, it's no secret. And for that I have the permanent reminder...  I'm glad I didn't do it though.

Now it's 2019 and 2019 is almost over; how am I doing now? 

Not much better. I still have the fear to create. I want to but I can’t. I still barely touch my socials because of my paranoia of people finding me and the whole circus starting again.  I use my instagram because of cosplay commission stuff and I only use my Twitter to support some artists on there. Even then I keep this ‘neutral-someone-everyone-can-like-persona’ just this safe ‘brand type’ posts. 

I'm only back on Tumblr for this and I won't be coming back. This isn't a revival tour. It's like one last song to send everyone on their way. 

Please leave others alone. I truly am not on Tumblr and do not plan to come back not now or ever. I do not have a sneaky hidden blog. All the blogs I used to own are either dead or I just gave it to people who used to own blogs with me.

It's very painful for me to write this all out. I know I'm missing a lot of parts. To summarise;  while I did some things that I'm not proud of. I cannot believe the lengths people went to to make me feel horrible about myself. 

I cannot believe you guys would share some things about me that I wanted to keep private. That I thought was pretty private and you would understand.  I'm sickened by the lies told about me and disgusted that it's still going in 2019, almost a year after I deleted everything. 

I gave my new discord to people and those people never accepted and that's fine, it hurts but it's fine. I never bothered them or sought contact. I will admit that I once accidentally send a snapchat to someone.. but I promise that was an honest accident. I didn’t mean to. But I just don't get the feeling the same thing is happening and I have proof from people that I'm right.  

Can you not post my trauma for all to see? That's not justice that's just being a dick... I have no other word for it. Being an evil dick. I never spoke badly about any of you after the whole thing. I will admit that .. in my anger when it all was going on, I did vent to people and TRUST me I regret that. I thought it would stay between us but it leaked.. 

Do the same for me and please have the decency to apologise for the things you did and just..  stop putting my private shit online without my consent. What I shared, I shared because I felt I could trust people. It was never about sympathy because I do not want it. 

You gain nothing except the satisfaction that you gave me a kick again by sharing it. Which is a horrendous move. You’re not getting even, you’re winning at being a dick.. 

I want to be left alone. I want that confirmation of 'hey we're leaving you alone now'. I want to go back before I was paranoid. It’s not a fun thing. It’s maddening to think something behind EVERYONE’s action. Deep down.. I know better but I can’t stop. It’s a problem and I’m working on it.

I want NOTHING to do with Pokemon OR it's fandom.  I won't be purchasing games or other media from it. I just gave away my copies of the 3DS games to people who wanted them. The whole thing is too triggering to me. 

I wish I could pick up a pencil or pen and draw and write again without having a panic attack and I wish I could show myself on my private social media again without people watching me. 

I know you guys doxxed me before using my Facebook- It's not weird of me to think people could do it again.

I don't mind it, if you hit me up and talk to me via this blog. You can reply to this post or just us DM.  My only rule is to be civil. I am being civil too even though I feel empty, numb and sick. 

And finally.. I apologise for EVERYONE who people thought were me. You don’t deserve that. No one does. 

Well I guess this mystery is solved, what happens next is wholly up to you. I am not going to reach out myself. I made that promise. 

I’m posting this because I have nothing else left to lose. Please show me you’re capable of human decency.  And some things only God can forgive. That goes for me too. 

And just to proof it’s me; I will be tagging this post as I always did; using my old tags. 

[writerunsolved]

The Drunken Mistake - Ch. 1

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Category: F/M

Fandom: Real Person Fiction

Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/Reader

Genres: Fluff and Humor

Language: English

Chapters: 3/?

Summary:  You're a young up-and-coming singer based in London who has just released her first album.

After a wild night at the VMAs and some heavy partying and drinking at the afterparty, you write and publish a drunken tweet about a certain celebrity and one of their friends. You only realise what you've done the next day when a slew of texts and calls wakes you up to a dreadful but expected hangover. You immediately delete the tweet, but you're left to deal with the consequences. A public apology would probably be enough to make everything go away if you hadn't been invited to a movie premiere where said celebrity is most certainly going to be.

You decide that the best course of action will be to try and avoid them, but your plans almost never go the way you want them to.

Chapter One - Never Tweet Your Deepest Fantasies

-

The light streaming in through the window right onto your face, though annoying, wasn’t what woke you up.

It was instead the insistent vibration of your phone, sitting deceivingly innocently under your pillow and making your brain rattle in your skull. The frankly inordinate amount of alcohol you had consumed the night before certainly wasn’t helping, either.

Resigned to having to face your hangover eventually, willing or not, you finally took out the phone and through bleary eyes, you saw you had a disconcerting number of missed phone calls and messages from your manager; in addition, your phone kept blowing up with social media notifications in your hand.

Panicked and confused, you tried to remember the night before.

You’d left the house quite early in the afternoon, dressed to the nines and wearing make-up, all thanks to your stylist Nadia and your make-up and hair expert Linda, and a car had picked you up to bring you to the VMAs where the red carpet had been waiting for you. When you’d first started attending big events like this, you had soon realised what a long day they made: the red carpet usually started pretty early in the afternoon, and by the time the actual event took place you would have been standing on high heels for several hours already. You’d grown tired of wearing them almost immediately, so now when you attended events of this kind you would usually swear off the stilettos and go for a trendy pair of flats.

This time had been different, though. It was an important night, and you wanted to look your best. Moreover, it had been a while since you’d worn heels, and you’d forgotten the actual pain they caused you. So, as with any other event, you’d been dropped off at the venue and walked the red carpet while a never-ending number of pictures of you was being taken and after what felt like an entire day and night, you’d finally gotten off your feet and taken your seat in the audience, not too far away from the stage.

You could still feel the phantom pain of the shoes where they’d scraped off your skin behind your ankles, you reached your hand to lightly touch the spot and moaned in pain, both because of your feet and because of the sharp pang the movement caused to your hungover brain.

You laid back down with your head on your pillow and tried to go through the rest of the night. You immediately remembered winning the award for Best New Artist and happiness pervaded you once again, you still couldn’t believe that had happened! You sought to remember where you’d put the award. You looked for it around the room and noticed it on the floor, right next to the door, propped to keep it open. You reflexively slapped your forehead in reprimand - which only worsened the headache - that was no way to treat your first important award!

After receiving your reward, and hopefully not making a fool of yourself during your acceptance speech, things got a little muddled. You remembered wanting to celebrate and leaving with some of the guys in your staff and some other artists who’d been attending the event. Drinks had begun flowing, which was exactly why your memories were so hazy.

You attempted to squeeze more memories out, but you’d drank so much your brain must have gone into overdrive at some point. Normally, you weren’t one to overdo it with alcohol, but it had been a special night and the award had come as a huge surprise, so it hadn’t been hard to convince you to make toast after toast. Everyone around you had been having fun, it was only natural for you to get carried away with the euphoria of your first real award.

You couldn’t remember anything else after that, so you still had no idea what the reason for your social media blow-up might be. You reassured yourself with the thought that it would just be some kind of article full of embarrassing pictures of you completely dishevelled and visibly drunk. Sure, it wasn’t ideal and it would leave you ashamed for the rest of time, but it would blow over in relatively no time when one of the Kardashians would be spotted buying a pair or jeans or something equally trivial. You shot a quick text to your manager Nina to let her know you were awake and alive, and resolved to find out what was going on as soon as possible. You were just about to open up Twitter when another text from Nina made the matter that much more pressing. It read: “You need to take that tweet down RN!!!!!!”.

You immediately sat up, headache be damned, and scrambled to open the Twitter app. Without bothering to scroll through your timeline, you went directly to your own profile and right there it was, mocking you and punishing you for your questionable life choices, your most retweeted and liked tweet:

[ID: Displayed name: A WINNER @ THE VMAS

Twitter handle: @trebledwoman

Tweet content: h cmoe on who wpldnt want 2 be RAWED by t hiddleston &chremsworth at the sme time?? ? ? if yoy wouldnt ure either a coward or yur lyin]

Dread immediately filled your lungs, you wanted to close your eyes and stop seeing what you’d done but the sheer disbelief kept them wide open, staring unblinkingly at the screen while your brain tried to process what was happening.

You couldn’t fathom doing something so stupid and reckless. It was one thing to be caught after a night of enthusiastic celebrations, but involving others in the show business industry was an entirely different ordeal. Bigger celebrities than you had gone down for much less and putting your whole career at risk because of one night of heavy drinking was the stupidest thing you could have ever done. Seemingly on their own, your fingers started scrolling through the responses you’d gotten and you could see people responding with memes, some even hilarious, but you weren’t really in the mood for a laugh at the moment. Others loudly announced having taken screenshots and having saved the tweet on the internet archive. You weren’t exactly surprised, the internet was forever after all. Even though several hours had passed since you’d posted it, and it was obviously too late for it not to have already spread all over social media, you deleted the tweet without a second thought.

You exited the app and called Nina.

“Jesus, finally! Have you taken that shit down?!” was her answer.

You brushed back your hair restlessly and replied with a sigh “Yes. God Nina, that was so stupid!! What am I going to do? This is a disaster, right? How could I possibly recover from this?! And I just got my first award, too, why did I have to drink so mu-”

“Honey, honey, listen to me. You need to calm down.” she interrupted you “People seem to have taken it as a huge joke, and there was no public reaction from neither Chris Hemsworth nor Tom Hiddleston.” she laughed nervously “I know it was up for several hours, but it’s good that you deleted it, and you will have to publish an apology as soon as possible.”

You took a deep breath and tried to unclench your jaw. Finally, you closed your eyes and said “Okay, so that’s our action plan for now? A public apology? And then what?”

“And then we hope the Buzzfeed articles will be humorous rather than accusing, and we keep on making music, ok?” you could feel and picture her warm smile through the phone “Seriously, we can get through this. Your career has just started and I have no intention of letting you go just yet.”

You’d really lucked out with Nina, she was such a supportive and incredible woman. As soon as she’d discovered one of your songs online, she’d seen a talent in you that not even you’d known you had. You felt a wave of guilt come over you, this was going to affect her too. “I’m so sorry, Nina. I shouldn’t have put you through this.” You shook your head resignedly “It’s one thing to make a mistake, but to let it reflect so badly on everyone around me… I really hope you can forgive me.”

“Oh, sweetheart…” he voice was kind “Don’t say that. I told you, we’ll recover from this. It’s not as bad as it feels right now, and don’t doubt for one minute that I will eternally make fun of you for it.”

That pulled a laugh out of you, she joined in then continued “Tom Hiddleston, though, really? I can understand Chris Hemsworth, he has muscles for days, but I would never have guessed you would be into the unassuming British type.”

A blush stained your cheeks, you were grateful she wasn’t there to see it or she would have never let you live it down. “Hey now,” you started defensively but with mirth “he’s cultured and polite. Plus have you seen his pecs? I bet you haven’t, you huge lesbian.”

Nina let out a rambunctious laugh that lasted several seconds, then said “Oh well, I guess you’re right.”

There was a beat of silence or two, then Nina concluded “I really have to go now, honey.” you never got tired of the pet name “As soon as you’re done writing down an apology, send it to me and I’ll let you know if you’re okay to publish it.”

You nodded, then remembering she couldn’t see it, you told her “Will do. Thank you so much, Nina. See you soon.”

“Later, sweetie.” with that she hung up.

You sat there for another beat, legs still half-covered by the duvet and phone in hand. You took a huge breath that filled you up from your shoulders to your abdomen, trying to gather the energy to face what was showing all the signs to be an interminably long day.

Your head was swarming with possible ways to go about apologising, you wondered whether to address part of it directly to the objects of your tweet or if it would be better to keep it vague and only concentrate on your behaviour. On one hand, you felt like you owed an apology to Tom Hiddleston and Chris Hemsworth for objectifying them like that, on the other you were conscious of the fact that that wasn’t the only reason why you were so ashamed of the tweet.

You regretted drinking so much. In hindsight, you realised that you’d put yourself in danger by being so reckless and that if you intended to pursue your career seriously and to win more prestigious awards, you couldn’t resort to that kind of behaviour again. At least it was a lesson learnt.

You put those thoughts aside, dwelling on guilt wasn’t going to help matters. For now, it would be better to concentrate on the task at hand and to look to the future. Lesson learnt, lesson ended.

You got up from the bed and crossed the room barefoot, on the way outside the bedroom you grabbed the award from where it was still standing up propped against the door and brought it with you to the kitchen through the dining room. The first thing you’d done with the earnings from your first album under your new record label had been to buy a small apartment in a building not too far away from central London. One of the things you’d hated the most about renting was the uncertainty of not having a real home that was your own, the possibility that at any moment you would have to pack up all your stuff and move away and start all over again. Furthermore, you loved reading and owning books, and when you were still renting it was impossible for you to maintain a decent library.

You thought back to first joining your sister in this great big city, and how terrified of the future you were. To be fair, the fear had never really gone away, but that was just the kind of person you were. Your sister had already been living in London for several years, she had a great job and all her life together, and she’d been pushing for you to move here too almost since the beginning. You had preferred to wait, though. You’d only just finished university and felt like you needed more time to figure yourself out, but eventually, the time had finally felt right and now here you were.

The small planner you’d been looking for was exactly where you expected it to be on the kitchen counter. You’d left it there before leaving for the VMAs and in it was basically your whole life. You had a detailed calendar of all your work and social commitments and several blank pages to use should the need arise. That was exactly why you’d been looking for it. You knew the apology would have to be published online and rewritten digitally, but pen and paper always helped you to better put your head in order.

You put down the award you still had in your hand right next to the planner and started idly flipping through this month's appointments, searching for a blank page to use and already wording the beginning of the apology in your head. You’d calmed down quite a bit since first waking up, and even your hangover headache seemed to be dwindling down on its own, so you felt much more centred about your current situation. And then you saw it -

September 4th - precisely one week from now - “New Marvel movie premiere”.

It came back to you in a flash, and really it was entirely your fault for forgetting, that in a week you would have to attend the premiere of a new Marvel film for the soundtrack of which one of your new songs had been chosen. How could you have possibly forgotten having written a song for a Marvel movie?! Alcohol was officially cancelled.

You felt a wave of nausea hit you, either from the residual hangover or from the realisation that you would come face to face with the flesh-and-blood consequences of your actions in a week from now. You couldn’t remember specifically what movie the London premiere was for, but even if it wasn’t another Thor movie there was simply no universe in which Tom Hiddleston and Chris Hemsworth wouldn’t be attending.

You grabbed a glass from where it was drying on the side of the sink and filled it to the brim with the coldest water that came from the tap, and while you were downing it in one single go, you made a resolution.

There was absolutely no way for you to skip the premiere, but you had to avoid Tom Hiddleston and Chris Hemsworth at any and all cost.

Chapter 2

[imagine-always-and-forever]

Flutterings & Tequila -- Part 3

A Klaus Imagine

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries and The Originals

Pairing: Niklaus Mikaelson x Reader

Summary: you've decided to go clubbing with your best friend the last summer before college starts to take your mind off of the Mikaelsons who have invaded your life this summer. Specifically, you're trying to distract yourself from Niklaus Mikaelson and the flutterings he has caused you. Tequlia is your friend tonight.

Warnings: language, underage drinking, drunk jerks, typical canon violence

Word count: 2,355

Authors note: thank you so much for all the notes and the feedback! I really appreciate it!! Please let me know if you're enjoying this! I apologize for any mistakes as my internet on my laptop is down so I'm having to do this all on my phone!

Part 1  |   Part 2

Fic:

You sucked in a breath. Watching as Klaus looked the drunken idiot in the eyes, you waited for his words to sink into the idiot’s alcohol addled brain. When recognition lit in the unfocused gaze, the guy tried pulling away. Klaus didn’t budge.

“Fuck you,” he slurred and you sucked in another breath. You looked to Klaus, wondering if you were going to end up on the morning news when they discovered the idiot’s dead body and somehow linked him to you. Klaus only looked amused. The idiot guy looked at you, “and fuck you too. You’re an ugly bitch anyway,” he spat, covering his bruised ego.

Charming.

Klaus smiled. Oh no. “That’s not very nice,” he said, and you didn’t think the calm, almost sing-song way he said it boded well for the drunk guy still in his grip.

“Niklaus,” Elijah’s voice came in a chiding tone and you looked up to see Elijah now standing behind his brother. He was impeccably dressed, as per usual. You weren’t sure how he was wearing a designer and perfectly tailored suit in this heat at this club, but then again you also weren’t sure if he actually owned anything other than suits.

Klaus looked back at his brother innocently. “I’m being a good guest,” Klaus defended himself.

“There’s no reason to cause a scene,” Elijah countered, casually looking around to make sure everyone was still too caught up in their own night to notice what was going on in the middle of the club. Satisfied, his eyes went to the drunk kid, landing on the unnatural way his arm was twisted in his brother’s grasp. He sighed. “You’ve already broken his arm, surely that’s enough for a warning?”

The guy must have been really drunk because it took hearing Elijah for him to register the pain. Before Klaus could answer, the drunk idiot let out a loud yell. Klaus’s hand covered his mouth before it could draw attention. He glared at the guy.

Elijah stepped up. He grabbed the drunk’s face and looked him in the eyes. “You’re going to leave this place and go to a hospital. You won’t come back here and in the future when a woman says no, you’ll listen,” he compelled him. The kid stared, enraptured. He nodded his head. “Oh,” Elijah said, still as calm as ever, “and don’t scream.”

Klaus removed his hand and let the guy go. You waited, holding your breath, as you watched him blink. Before he moved, he looked at Klaus.

“You broke my arm,” he muttered.

Klaus smiled in reply. He let his eyes change. They glowed bright gold in the darkness of the club, and in the flashes of light, you could see the veins protruding under his eyes. He curled back one lip for just the tiniest peak of his fangs.

The drunk idiot stumbled backwards in fear, falling on the dirty club floor with his eyes wide in horror.

Elijah sighed as he looked at the ceiling, clearly over this detour in their night’s plans. He seemed to sigh a lot with Klaus. He walked over to the drunk and grabbed hold of him. He picked him up and looked him in the eyes again. “You’ll forget about tonight and about us. Now go.” As the kid all but ran for the door, Elijah walked back to join you and Klaus. “Was that really necessary, Niklaus?” he asked his little brother.

Klaus, barely holding back a grin, shrugged. Innocent as ever.

The Mikaelsons turned to look at you.

“Thanks,” you smiled widely.

Klaus smiled back at you, sending a look to his brother as if your reaction justified the breaking of limbs. His eyes landed on yours again, amusement dancing in them as he noticed your wild hair and alcohol flushed cheeks. Flutterings. There were flutterings again. You avoided his gaze and looked at Elijah. You definitely needed more to drink. Or less. You weren’t sure.

“We didn’t expect to see you here,” Elijah said, eyes narrowing on you.

You focused on him, thinking about what to say. Elijah waited patiently for a response, almost as amused as his brother at seeing you like this. You wanted to explain that if they had bothered to get to know you even the slightest bit that they wouldn’t have this false image of you in their heads. Sure, you weren’t entirely sure what that image was but you could pretty much guarantee that the description of you involved words like “innocent,” “meek,” “good girl,” and “boring.” Of all those things, the last one was the most aggravating. But, unfortunately, you were far too drunk to string together a coherent explanation of your life story. Also, if it took until they had undeniable proof that you just might be worth a mere moment of their time, then they could fuck right off because you weren’t here for their amusement.

Flutterings be damned. They didn’t deserve an explanation even if you weren’t drunk. It’s too bad your mouth and your brain weren’t on the same page.

“Yeah, I usually don’t do this but they were looking the other way with IDs tonight so…” you babbled before trailing off. You suddenly remembered losing your best friend in the crowd and started wondering where she had gotten to.

Klaus smirked at you.

“How old are you?” Elijah asked.

“I’ll be nineteen in a just under a month,” you replied without looking at them. You couldn’t see anything but drunk people dancing. No sign of her.

“Well, I for one have never understood the drinking age,” Klaus said. Elijah glanced at his brother. Distracted once again, you turned to look at him. Klaus hadn’t moved his eyes off you, and you had the feeling that he was five steps ahead of you on a game you didn’t know you were playing. “Perhaps you’d care to join us at our table?” he asked, gesturing up to the balcony above.

“Yeah, sure,” you chirped happily, the alcohol still running through your system. With your mind still offline, you couldn’t find a single reason to say no. It sounded fun! Besides, despite not knowing them much personally, you found that you’d developed a bit of a soft spot for the Mikaelsons. You beamed at Klaus. He was your favorite. These flutterings weren’t so bad anyway. They made you feel all warm. Or maybe that was the alcohol.

“Follow me,” Klaus grinned like the Cheshire cat.

You went to follow but at the sound of some girl’s loud yell of excitement, you remembered your best friend. You stopped and gasped, your hand going to your mouth dramatically. Klaus and Elijah looked at you expectantly. “I need to find my friend!” you announced and turned to wander off to look for her.

Klaus’s hand on your arms stopped you and you frowned as you looked down at it. You half expected it to be covered in paint.

“The girl you were dancing with earlier?” Elijah asked as you kept staring at Klaus’s hand.

You nodded. Klaus’s hands weren’t as rough as you thought they’d be. You’d think with all the murdering and paintbrush holding that he’d have developed more callouses. Maybe it was a vampire thing. Or a wolf thing. Or a hybrid thing. They were very soft. Did he moisturize? Huh. That was probably it. Never underestimate a good moisturizer. Immortality and eternal youth only went so far.

“I’ll find her,” Elijah said, pulling you from your musings.

You looked up to see Klaus smirking at you before you turned your attention to Elijah. “Thanks,” you smiled at him. Elijah was so nice. “You’re the best!” you declared, beaming once more.

Looking back at Klaus, you found him with an odd expression on his face, an arm extended to you. You looked down at his offered arm. Hey, look at that! Chivalry wasn’t dead. It was just a hybrid. You giggled at your own joke as you took his arm. With a dizzying tug and rush of a breeze, you found yourself standing in front of a table with four seats, three empty and one of them with Rebekah in it.

“Did you have to break his arm?” she asked her brother with a roll of her eyes.

Klaus shrugged, a little smile on his face.

“Hi,” you smiled happily at Rebekah. You never got to hang out with Rebekah. Come to think of it, you’ve never hung over with any of them. Unless you counted the very rare teas you had with Elijah. Which you didn’t because he mostly sat reading a very old and dusty book while sipping perfectly from a teacup as you drank your own. Maybe this would start a new tradition.

Rebekah cocked a perfectly plucked eyebrow at you.

“Play nice,” Klaus chastised his baby sister.

“Am I the only one who has questions?” she asked. “All she’s done for the past three months is work in a bookshop, stay in her room, and wear basic outfits. Now she’s in a club like this, underage, and dressed like that,” she said, gesturing to your outfit.

You knew they thought you were boring! Wait. Did she just compliment your outfit? You looked down at what you were wearing and hoped you’d remember this tomorrow so you could thank your best friend for talking you into wearing this tonight. You smiled up at Rebekah.

“Do you like it?” you asked.

“I think you look ravishing, love,” Klaus smirked into your ear. You beamed. Nobody has ever called you ravishing before!

Rebekah narrowed her eyes at her brother, but you didn’t notice. There was a bottle of very expensive looking stuff on the table. You reached for it just as you felt a breeze hit you from behind.

“Y/N!!” your best friend exclaimed as if she hadn’t seen you in ten years.

You turned around just in time to catch her as she threw her arms around you in a bear hug. She was probably too drunk to notice how fast she’d gotten to you.

“I found her at the bar,” Elijah said.

“I was waiting for you!” she announced. “I took another shot. But I ordered two and you didn’t come so I took that as well. Then I drank something while I waited for you. Then this Disney prince guy came up to me and tried telling me to go home! Like he could just order me about!” she said in shock at Elijah’s attitude. “Can you believe it? I’m a strong independent woman!” she proclaimed.

You laughed at Elijah being called a Disney prince. That should be his new nickname!

“It seems I wasn’t compelling enough,” Elijah said. Oh. Right. You’d dosed her right up with vervain. Just because you refused it and left yourself vulnerable didn’t mean you’d let her be vulnerable to compulsion!

“Sorry,” you giggled sheepishly.

“Are these your friends?” your best friend asked.

You burst into a wide smile. She knew you had people staying with you but details were kept to a minimum. At the thought of being able to call the vampires surrounding you your friends, you felt a rush of excitement and pride.

“These are the Mikaelsons!” you introduced. Why hadn’t you introduced them before? They’d get along great! Rebekah and your best friend had a lot in common because they both really liked fashion, or shopping at the least. You walked over to Rebekah, “This is Rebekah! She’s their little sister. She’s really pretty as you can see and I think you two have the same shell top. You know the one you got last week?”

Your friend nodded, smiling widely at Rebekah. See? You knew they’d get along.

The Mikaelsons looked at you with amusement.

“Your Disney prince over here,” you said going over to Elijah, “is Elijah. He’s the oldest. He only wears suits and likes reading big old books.”

Klaus snorted and Elijah sent him a warning look.

“And this,” you beamed and looked at Klaus, focusing all your attention on him. He looked very handsome in this outfit. You supposed he was usually dressed like this, but he looked very good in it so it really wasn’t a wonder why he stuck to his style. What was that saying? If you’ve got it, flaunt it? Wait. Was that the one? “This is Nik!” you announced.

Elijah, Rebekah, and Klaus seemed to all share a look.

“What?” you asked. Klaus shrugged, his eyebrows raised and looking fine with it, if not a bit amused. You looked at Elijah and Rebekah. “What?” you asked again.

“Most people call our brother Klaus,” one of them answered but you were too busy to notice who as you watched your best friend slink into one of the seats opposite Rebekah.

“That’s his name though!” you replied as your best friend reached for the same bottle you’d had your eyes on before.

“Wait is his name Klaus or Nik?” she asked before trying to take a large swig only to frown when she found the bottle empty.

You looked at Klaus, a small frown of concentration on your face. If his full name was Niklaus and he went by Klaus and Nik, which was the right one? Most people said Klaus, but then again you heard Rebekah and Kol call him Nik. Also, you called him both depending if it was in thought or to his face. “Both.”

“You can’t have two names!”

“It’s Niklaus! Nik and Klaus!”

“Nik-Klaus?”

“No one word.”

“Niklaus. My brother’s name is Niklaus,” Rebekah said as Klaus continued to watch in amusement.

“Oh,” your best friend replied. “So what should I call him?”

“Klaus,” you stated, very sure of yourself. She shouldn’t call him Nik. It was weird.

“Why did you call him Nik?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know! It just popped out!” You were drunk. These things happened. Filters stopped working. You hadn’t been told to stop so it couldn’t be that big a deal.

“Can I call him Nik?” she asked you.

“No,” you replied in unison with Klaus.

“Oh. We need drinks!” your best friend announced suddenly. What an excellent idea.

“I think we were just heading out, actually,” Elijah said.

“Nonsense, brother,” Klaus smiled, sitting down in his chair and leaning back. His leg crossed casually as he watched your best friend start chanting for drinks. “The nights still young,” he grinned.

“TEQUILA!” your best friend shouted.

“Brother, be a dear,” Klaus said, looking to Elijah. Elijah thought for a moment but turned to head to the bar.

“DON’T FORGET THE LIME AND SALT,” you yelled after him.

He was back before you could wonder if he’d spill the shots speeding back. In his hand was a bottle of tequila, a salt shaker, and an entire jar of sliced limes.

“WAIT,” you said, your eyes wide open as he placed the things down on the table. “We have to do this properly.”

“And how do we do that,” Klaus asked.

You weren’t sure if he really didn’t know or was humoring you. Either way, you always jumped at the chance to impart your shot taking wisdom on someone. Even if they were over a thousand years old and a supposed big bad hybrid.

“Watch,” you instructed. You poured out a shot and licked the back of your hand. You carefully added the salt to it. “The right amount is key,” you informed them. You picked up the shot, showing them that it was in one hand and then a slice of lime, showing them it was in the other. You waited until they all looked at you. Klaus was smirking. You liked his smirk. It made those flutterings come back. Why were those concerning before?

You nodded to them and proceeded to do the shot. Lick, drink, lime.

“Tada!” you beamed as you put the shot back on the table.

Klaus clapped slowly.

“Now your turn,” you announced and poured them a shot each.

They took the shot without fail. It may have been due to practice, but you were pretty sure your excellent demonstration was the real reason they did it so well.

“Shall we do another?” Klaus suggested.

“I don’t-“

You cut Elijah off with a squeal. “I have an idea!”

All eyes were on you. Well, Klaus’s eyes were on you. But that’s all that really mattered.

“Body shots!” you exclaimed, eyes wide with excitement.

[softhaos]

NEIGHBOUR!AU JOSHUA

masterlist other members: s.coups | jeonghan | jun | hoshi | wonwoo | woozi | dk | mingyu | the8 | seungkwan | vernon | dino

you are quite sure that joshua doesn’t like you

NO HE IS NOT A BULLY IN CASE YOU’RE WONDERING

but he’s just so,,,,,, calm,,,,,,, and polite,,,,,,,

you’re not  t h a t  annoying neighbour but you know none of your interests match up

like once you brought him cake bc he just moved in next to you

only to get rejected

“sorry i’m allergic to strawberries”

or the other time when you asked him if he wanted your spare ticket to see that one movie and no not because you wanted to ask him out

it was because all of your friends either refused to watch horror movies or already watched it

guess what

you got rejected,,,,, agAIN

“i already have some plans on that day sorry”

you tried giving him some other things several time because you had no idea what to do with them

also it was just a waste if you threw them away

and every single time you got turned down

at this point you ask yourself why you even bother to be nice

if you could you’d avoid him all the time so you wouldn’t further embarrass yourself

maybe embarrassment is a little heavy

you wanna avoid social awkwardness

because you’ve got literally nOTHinG in common

and you’re not gonna be that person who asks the socially awkward things that make it obvious that you’re a try hard

“so,,,,, the weather’s nice today,,, isn’t in??”

“what do you usually do in your free time?“

“yo what’s your favorite color?”

NOPE FORGET THAT TBH YOU RATHER NOT TALK AT ALL

you’re very sure that jisoo is judging you,,,,, you just know it

he always has the same soft angelic smile on his face whenever you meet

and as much as you’d like to keep your presence away from his

you can’t,,,,,,, it’s impossible

because you’re always out and he’s in his apartment when the timing is the  w o r s t

basically,,,,,, you’re not in when the mailman’s over

but coincidentally hONg jiSoO is

so he always take your mail for you

thus you’re forced to knock at his door to get your post

the same scene replays over and over again

“hey,,,,, i’m really really r e a l l y sorry that you had to accept my mail,,,,, again,,,,,, for the tenth time this month,,,,,”

“don’t stress about it! it’s fine!”

and his smile never falters and is so genuine all the time

,,,,,, how tf does he do that

does he ever get annoyed or angry???

or is it an internal thing and he’s the silent judge type of person,,,, you second this

you try to shop less online but fail miserably

in fact you probably spend more money on the internet nowadays

but  a n y w a y

you tell yourself that one day you will catch the goddamn mailman who comes at irregular times

and fail miserably again up to the point where you believe that the mailman has something against you

like you wait the whole morning

and then during noon you decide to do a five minute walk to get some toilet paper because you ran out of it

and BOOM THE MAILMAN ARRIVES IN THOSE FIVE MINUTES WHERE YOU’RE ABSENT

cue joshua is at home tho and is your knight in shining armor

you consider making it up to him but on second thought,,,,, it’s better if you didn’t do anything

ofc there’s always the option of downright asking him about his interests

but nah

asking him directly is filed under ‘questions any socially awkward person would ask if they don’t know how to start a conversation’

so you brush off that possibility,,,,, and the only thing left is to actually catch the damn mailman

you try so hard every day,,,,, you have faith that one day you’ll be victorious

and your efforts are not in vain

because one day tHE MAILMAN COMES AND YOU ARE AT HOME

truth be told you act like a five year old in front of the poor dude and he probably thinks you need some help

as in you violently take the package away from him

and then sign the confirmation thing as if it was your first time doing it

once you’re done you immediately slam the door in front of his face

you’re so giddy and excited and so satisfied that you tear the poor box apart

okay that sounded too violent but you don’t waste time unboxing whatever you ordered

when you see the item you are like fINALLY HLDJHK

and it’s even the limited edition one!!!!

“wait what limited what”

the longer you stare at it,,,,, the more you start to ask yourself

when tf did you buy it????

because you clearly cannot remember when you ordered it

no shit sherlock bc you never did

you frantically check the outside of the box and a wide grin is etched on your face once you see the addressee

and the knock on your door comes right on time

it was no other than joshua standing in front of you smiling at you as usual with that soft gaze

“hey y/n i got the notice that you have my mail,,,,,, y/n what are you holding??!?”

“oh hey i accidentally opened your mail i’m sorry pls forgive me bUT WOW SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN A FAN OF THIS??? I NEVER KNEW THAT,,,, I LOVE THEM TOO!!”

at first he’s baffled and confused but when you start talking about the respective fandom he chimes in and he’s also in his fanboy moment

so you spend talking hours about it and see this as the start of your relationship

you’re both fanatics and even though jisoo is so sweet and composed that’s just his appearance and internally he’s just as wild as you

and he’s such a hardcore stan that you buy him some merch as a present and he’s so grateful and is giddier than ever and vice versa

he starts giving you gifts out of the blue and it perplexes you every time even tho you shouldn’t be surprised 

the entire present thing is just so pure and endearing

and pointless tbh because you end up handing each other the same items at times

when it happened the first time that you got each other the same gift you were like

“o h ,,,,, well brb taking my thing back”

“but why tho y/n?? we can match!!!”

and you were like o O O F

you learn to be fine with it and honestly it’s just a cute thing matching with joshua

and no one really notices because the things you buy for each other aren’t clothes,,,,,, yet

one day you find this really cool new shirt and you know jisoo’s gonna love it and look good as hell in it

so without further ado you buy it

turns out that he thought of the same and bought the shirt for YOU

now there’s when you were trying to back off bc whether you like to admit it or not you are whipped for joshua hong

not because of his fanboy antics but also because you truly like him

so you try to turn him down concerning his shirt for you

“shua sorry but yeah no i can’t accept that one”

“,,,,, why tf not?”

“,,,,, i,,,,, uh,, don’t really think it suits me”

“c’mon but we’d be matching!!”

“won’t people see us as a cOuPLE tHEn?!?!”

“i think we make a good couple tho”

wait what did he just say

his own eyes widen at the sudden confession and although jisoo tries to keep his cool you know he’s starting to panic a lil

you on the other hand are perplexed and don’t know what to do,,,, until the words hesitantly come out of your mouth

“well,,,, i wouldn’t mind us being,,, you know,,,, a thing”

“you wouldn’t mind??”

“,,,, ok i pretty much crave us being a couple and having matching things”

“that’s good to know bc i want that too”

ever since that day the presents haven’t stopped and you still live next to each other

but tbh the entire apartment complex thinks you got married bc whenever they see the two of you,, you happen to have matching outfits

[elizabethrobertajones]

Do you really think current Cas couldn't end up being The Empty? I don't necessarily believe that because I think Cas is not acting like himself but the "All Magic Comes with a prize"-stories, of there being a downside to major "mircles" like resurrections are pretty common, plus having a newly introduced major foe that looks like Cas (+ can access his memories) thats not explored yet, plus being told that Cas would be back "slowly" or "at least his most important parts"

*shrugs* I mean if they’re doing it they’ve basically wasted an entire episode of supposed Cas stuff plus 2 previous ones that only made sense with Cas’ reactions and actions if it was him, so the only way it would happen is if we do already have our Cas on screen, but there’s a catch or some consequences yet to hit about the resurrection and Cas BEGINS to belatedly suffer side effects which retroactively cast into doubt how much he was here or just suggest something was wrong with him all along and waiting for some reason to activate, as he’s not currently being depicted in any distress whatsoever. I agree the clothes are suspicious and I was saying all along since the beginning of the season or before, mostly as crack posts since I don’t like speculating, that if Cas gets handed an outfit out of thin air instead of picking it for himself, that concept fits what I figure would be symbolism warning that Cas has ongoing problems, but as someone who deals with speculation in about that much vagueness I really don’t have any sort of solid ideas beyond that.

For me, talking about TV shows isn’t really fun to guess what will happen and I would just want to end up writing it myself or go down convoluted threads that the writers wouldn’t keep up on, and trying to stay in the lines of what might actually happen is an enormous headache and no one is particularly great at it unless they’re extremely vague or only analyse the very obvious threads and offer generic scenarios they could play out in, e.g. how we could predict a reverse crypt scene, because it was basically a looming issue not a wild speculative idea, but being threatened for most of the season subtly or not. 

I mostly live entirely in the moment for TV shows if I can help it, and I prefer watching things I’ve had at least mild spoilers for when it comes to things I would want to get emotionally invested in, even if it’s really just scoping out the personality of the thing. Watching Supernatural as it airs is pretty messy for my anxiety about not knowing what comes next, and after a little while in fandom I realised how pointless speculation is for ever making you feel better about anything. If you’re right you’ve bored yourself out of the story, if you’re wrong you’ve made yourself annoyed or built up your expectations. 

And if you’re super invested in a fictional character and scour the internet for spoilers about them because you’re worried about their well being, and analyse every inch of the show for clues about what might happen to them while creating potential worrying scenarios, that play out or not, you mostly get into a huge panic about them, start treating your imagination as if the horrible stuff has already happened, and lose a lot of objectivity as you start to perceive the writers going out of the way to do bad things to your fave because you’re super focussed on what bad stuff will happen to them, and blah blah character stanning cycle of being protective and angry etc. I’ve seen it consume too many people since I got to fandom :S 

So… Something is probably about to happen to Cas or because of Cas, and the trip through the Empty seems like it maaaay have been too understated or an under-utilised resource (but I also have immediately made my peace that that’s all we’ll see of it, even if it isn’t, because I just can’t LIVE like that with expectations and serious plot demands and trying to construct versions of the season that only make sense if X Y and Z are in it and then getting upset when they aren’t) and we missed a few important steps between bargaining and resurrection considering the new clothes and Cas’s moment where he took in that he was dressed in them. There’s also left over weirdness about him and Jack which also has a lot of unexplained things he and Dean need to talk about and may or may not cause a serious problem now Jack has legged it.

I don’t think he’s acting strange, because there have been no blatantly obvious cues for the people at the back about him acting strange, e.g. lingering shots where he was pulling weird faces, lines in the Empty to indicate it wanted anything other than to go back to sleep, or hints that anything is particularly coming for Cas based on the MotW obvious mirrors (which have been pretty low key because the MotW have been very secondary to the emotional drama so far). Billie never hinted about Cas more than that he was dead because he killed her, and now we have spoilers that it seems most likely the Winchester knocking over the house of cards will be Jack seemingly motivated on his own steam to do something good, so that literally covers every doomy portentous line this season that wasn’t completely incidental, although I have been joking about some, I don’t really get into conspiracies about them… 

We’ve had lingering shots with Cas squinting in a very familiar Cas-like way with understandable exasperation at whatever’s going on, and he’s had emotional moments with all his family and generally been presented as mostly fine and not visibly perturbed or confused by not being able to heal the guard for example, just resigned that it was too late for him to do anything, and he hasn’t been dangerously put in any crosshairs in the symbolism. I can’t think of anything really at all that’s threatened Cas in the symbolism or foreshadowing and nothing he’s done on screen has been suspicious about his personality or characteristics or actions. Dean’s not suspicious. Sam is a little concerned about *how* he got back but not *if* he is Cas.

Like, of course they might blindside us with something, but considering they spent time on emotional moments with Cas dealing with ongoing characters arcs between him and the rest of them, it makes no sense a fake out Cas would be getting Cas’s emotional development. Unless it was laden with dramatic irony. Remember in 11x11 when Casifer was talking to Dean? Even if you didn’t know that he was Lucifer and pretend they never revealed that detail and this is the first time we see him since, there’s a billion things wrong with his interactions with Dean in that scene. There was stuff visibly wrong with him before we knew for sure he’d been possessed in 11x10 just in how he hung back from the team and watched them all very, very carefully, and took too long to reply while weighing his options.

Cas already did come back slowly because it took him until episode 6 to actually be back in the game, even if he was restored in episode 4, so at this point I figure that spoiler was being careful about revealing how Cas’s appearances in the start of the season were spread out, and not commenting on Cas’s internal stuff.

I don’t know, bad stuff happens to them all the time on the show so of course I just assume something is coming, but I’m not worried about it like it might happen to a friend or something because it’s just a part of the story so I don’t get being worried about stuff happening to your faves as if it’s the end of the world… Cas is currently occupying the very centre of the story along with Jack, possibly MORE important than him since he’s important to Jack in turn. I feel like Cas is the actual beating heart of the story in season 13 so far based on his entire blanket presence in the empty spaces caused by Jack and Dean’s need/want for him. It’s a bit ridiculous to now hope because he’s back he’s going to just settle into the family with them and have no troubles, though of course that’s a point I’m always happy to be proved wrong on, it’s better just to use bored eyes and just… ¬_¬ something’s gonna happen to Cas… ¬_¬ your way through the story. And it will be something that’s probably super important to the main arc because Cas has been so far, in a deep, intrinsic way, so whatever happens I’m down for it, unless it’s some randomly abject level of awful that no one could have called, and his treatment in the story, against all odds, is somehow really horrible.

Aside from horrible character-trashing worst case scenarios, though, the manner in which is happens is, to me, completely arbitrary as a non-speculating blog that just analyses what ends up on my plate and occasionally wonders what the OBVIOUS cues mean without committing to theories beyond musings and wondering out loud with obvious disclaimers that I’m just thinking and don’t care if it does or doesn’t happen. 

Like, I’m analysing all the themes as they show up and I assume whatever happens will fit the themes and character arcs and whatever. At the moment I see Cas as being Cas because I just got handed an incredible Cas episode on a plate where Cas was being very Cas-like all over the place, and his biggest problem was Jack, who was not directly threatening him at any point, and if anything it seems like Cas futilely chasing after Jack trying to stop him getting intro trouble (nearly shot by Dean, actually shot by Dave the Cowghoul) would be the one theme I’d wonder has any actual suggestion that Cas is going to have Problems, but that’s not directly happening to him, that’s just his issue with not being able to help Jack and stop him getting in trouble. And, I guess now, chasing after him before he does that. And based on episode descriptions for upcoming stuff, not very successfully, so we already know that symbolism pays off, however Cas ends up going about this :P

So that’s my one and only reason to be worried about Cas right now… Granted, I’ve only watched the episode twice while extreeeeemely woozy with a migraine but I’ve been reading my dash all day and seeing discussion of most parts of the episode and all the Cas bits and I’ve been rewatching bits here and there and nothing is leaping out at me that anything is currently trying to warn us to brace for Cas, except the general sense of ¬_¬ about something inevitably coming his way because of course he’s not in every episode - but he could just leave entirely of his own agency to go look for Jack off screen and even without the worries about what Jack may or may not have done to him in season 12, given what they set up, it would be entirely understandable for him to do it just because he’s Cas. 

[skittidyne]

tagged by @lethesomething! thanks darling

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

hahaha. i’ve been stuck with “skitty” as a name since 05, but i went from “digital skitty” to “skittidyne” when i made the jump to tumblr. i wanted something that wasn’t my “professional” name, but could still be skitty-ish, and so i decided to throw some persona into the mix, because that’s how i be. 

“skitty” is a pokemon and the “-dyne” suffix is the highest tier of attack spell in the persona series. and it looked better with an i rather than a y. so i guess i’m the highest tier of skitty spell!

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

pedestal hands down. (bbac isn’t even half as popular by any of those categories.) 

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

it’s ryoji from persona 3! i chose it because... i love ryoji... even when i was drawing regularly, i rarely used my own art as my icons anywhere, except dA or actual art-hosting sites. 

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

oh god i know i’m going to leave people out, and I LOVE YOU ALL, but beechichi liveblogs shit to me on twitter, curiouslylazy leaves me comments longer than chapters, greatdanesandpandas leaves me amazing capslocked comments across several of my stories, haruhi02 and rd both leave AMAZING liveblog type comments on bbac, and unexpectedly but delightfully like every commenter on the kamafuta fake dating story is like, so kind and nice. (upside to writing a rarepair!) 

but i love all of my commenters and there are LOTS i’m missing here and trust me i do notice who comments regularly and across several stories ;; 

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

ghost story, character development, sayuri, a heart swelled to bursting, settling down, the thirty-six stratagems of wáng jìngzé ... a lot of smut fics... (a lot of smut fics)

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

211 subscribed to, and 112 bookmarks on ao3! 88 bookmarks on ff.net.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

i mean. bbac, i guess. i like things with a magical slant, but i don’t ever stick around the exact same universe for multiple stories? 

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

285 subscriptions to me, idk how to check how many are bookmarked to me? can you bookmark authors on ao3? 727 subscribed & 1043 faved on ff.net though. 

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

hmm. i’d love to write a mafia/yakuza au one day, but i’m not sure i’m afraid of ppl judging me. i think i just don’t want to do that much research. i’d also love to write a sugaring au one day, if only out of PURE BITTERNESS, but that’s a lot of smut to write, and i’m afraid i’d probably start fights in the comments section. 

there’s not a lot i’m more scared of writing compared to other things, i guess. 

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

commenting! leaving comments would be nice. truthfully, i’d like to work on my personal self-discipline when it comes to writing and getting things done, even though my output is pretty high imo. also, i guess romance writing. 

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

uhhhhhh. i never purposefully do either, and in naruto fandom i spent some time in rarepair hell, and apparently kamafuta is a fuckin rarepair so i’m again sitting in that lonely little boat, but i also tend toward more popular ships in hq fandom, at least. both? probably popular ships? 

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

27 on ao3! 

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh. if we’re going to get technical about it... 

counting side story collections as 1 “story”, i got: 

61 on googledocs, 16 more on my harddrive. 

i don’t want to meet anyone’s eye right now

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

i ABSOLUTELY keep them in my head. if i start writing ANYTHING down, even if it’s notes or title ideas or character ideas, i know i’ve already lost the war, and i’m committed to writing something. 

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

yep! oh it puts the heart in my chest on wings was with the amazing @h-lovely and where the wild things go was with the lovely @kaiyouchan!

also, technically @tarotdactyl is listed as a co-author on operation: poison tree frog, because it’s his fault, but i’m technically the one doing all of the writing for it. for some reason

16. How did you discover AO3?

i mean, i was on lj and ff.net. things migrated. i don’t remember specifically how it happened. 

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

shrug emoji... i suppose i am? i think i still am in pokemon fandom, i know i’m not in naruto fandom, and i don’t even know anymore in hq fandom. (i guess only hq fandom matters on ao3)

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

skittens!! 

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

@avoidingavoidance and @silvercistern are #writing goals, and while she’s only just writing now herself, my mother has always been a devoted supporter of my writing. past that, it was just reader feedback that kept me goin’ onward. 

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

KEEP WITH IT. COMMIT TO YOUR IDEA. there is no such thing as a bad idea, and even “bad” ideas, if committed to, can turn into FANTASTIC stories/characters/arcs. absolutely keep going, no matter what. 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

both, haha. i’m trying to get outlines more and more these days, mostly because i guess i’m working with others and for some reason they can’t read my mind. hm. 

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

dude, i was in the pokemon fandom when farla was still around. 

yeah, i’ve gotten things that could be considered “flames”. i’ve accidentally started a ship war, and i’ve gotten nasty shipping-related comments on stories, too. hell, i’ve fought with readers over that sort of thing before. 

i’ve also had rude commenters, commenters who probably just didn’t know any better, and commenters who missed the point so badly i had to go scream into a pillow. it happens. 

for the most part, i try to respond to comments/reviews, because that’s how i was raised on the internet. i try to be polite and pleasant these days, but i’ll put my foot down. i try not to be rude or mean, though. 

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

smut. it’s always goddamn smut. 

romance in general, though. i’m good with the emotional intimacy and casual physical intimacy, but half the time i end up with more of that between the best friend characters than the ships, so... i dunno. i’d like to be more comfortable writing romance, up to and DEFINITELY including smut. 

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

bbac, political intrigue, magical girl au, fake dating au, and a couple of random oneshots. 

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

look, i ain’t happy if i’m not juggling projects. so i guess that’s a given. 

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

only during nanowrimo! some days, i don’t write a word, and other days, i’m easily in the thousands. i’m content with either, because i can only force it so often. 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

absolutely. even when it feels like i’m stagnating with that dreaded 67-75% of the story completed zone, i know every word i write betters me as an author. 

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

oh man, that’s so hard... mostly, that comes down less to emotion, and more to “what was easiest for me to write”... 

maybe pedestal. but maybe only because i’ve been feeling nostalgic lately, and it’s easy to love a story once it’s completed. 

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

haha i don’t want to say

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

finishing bbac

completed trilogy & completed standalone original novels completed, probably in a new fandom, probably agonizing over yet another 500k novel fanfic

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

momentum!! god, when you have it, EVERYTHING IS AWESOME

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

trying to keep momentum... actually, probably, forcing yourself through a scene you KNOW has to get done and you even know what happens in it, but it’s just not happening. bleh. 

33. Why do you write?

for the attention and monetary gain (๑꒪▿꒪)* 

nah, it’s to share stories with people. i like ideas, i like turning ideas into bigger ideas, and i like people’s reactions to those ideas. it’s like friendship sharing except i don’t have to be social! <3 

i’m not tagging anyone directly but if you are an author type and like being tagged then grab this UP!

[inktae]

guess it’s time for my first follow forever with this blog! :’) I could never imagine I would reach this milestone so fast, especially after remaking and turning my writing around. and even if numbers are not really that important, it is still heartwarming and incredibly touching to see 6,000 people giving me and my writing a (second) chance.

not gonna lie, finally focusing on the kind of content I enjoy has brought some insecurities. for a long time I pushed away what I really wanted to pursue for many reasons: fear of being forgotten, loyal readers leaving because they did not like my new content, and losing what I had built online so far. even so, that negativity is ridiculously small in comparison to all the love I receive from those who do like what I write. I would have never imagined the immense amount of support I have right now, not with the kind of content I put out. after remaking, I was ready to start anew with a smaller readership and to see less attention being given to my works, to write at my heart’s content even if most weren’t going to enjoy it, and even though I would have been happy with that, it’s still incredible to see that has not been the case. if anything, the love I receive right now is way more meaningful than it used to be, because seeing people enjoying what I genuinely love to write is a feeling that I will never be able to describe. whatever the reason for this incredible luck I’ve had, it doesn’t take away from the amount of gratitude that has been growing in me for the last few months.

I am seriously beyond honored that you guys have allowed me to pour my heart into my stories the way I do, to make me feel confident enough to give more importance to what I like and not what others want from me. you all have helped me push away that hesitance of letting my imagination go wild for fear of it not being well received, which I know is not something many can say. I am really, really lucky to have such gentle, encouraging followers, with whom I’ve created such a positive environment here <3

this might only be a small blog on the internet where I just write fanfiction, but it has had a great impact in my personal life, and a positive one at that. I have improved my writing and my self-esteem, I have nurtured my creativity, I have met SO many people who inspire me and, most importantly, I learned that I need to stop trying to please everyone - because that’s just impossible. as long as I’m doing it for myself, that’s what matters the most :)

firstly, I need to acknowledge the readers who have stuck with me so far - both the ones who were there since pjiminnie, and those who are only discovering my blog now. I am deeply thankful for all of you, for showing me support and for giving my stories so much love and for motivating me without even realizing it. behind all of those ‘thank you’ messages, there is a smile and a warm heart and a deep gratitude that I’m unable to express with words. I don’t consider myself as good as some of you guys believe, but it is certainly a push in the right direction to find the confidence I hope I can achieve someday, and it is all thanks to you: unicorn anon, coffee anon, moon anon, tatertot anon, pillow anon, unrelated anon, n anon, titania, @war-of-hormoan, @mysweetkittae, @she-films-the-clouds, @casper-rose, @femme--almighty, @kateheartskpop, @parkjiminsjagiya, @twentynine-lin, @taenekiii, @vitae-min, @taequility, @kimre, @dimplecoups, @y-oongles, @gab-soon, @dreamingindoodles, @arisuna, @charizard-z, @jiminfully, @xobts, @chanyeolsaurus, @bangtanplan, @myooniverse, @mykye, @ananyak26, @ahmie-cat, @phiepster, @blue-eyed-fantom, @read-bangtan, @rousse97, @writingbarnes, @spellboundsangria, @azurepaperplanes, @btsugaplums, @awkward-bangtan and many many more I’m most definitely missing. whether you just shower me with likes or have sent me a message or two, your support to my blog means the world to me! thank you. ^^

now, there are a few mentions I need to make to show some appreciation to my favorite people (those marked with a ☆ have a lil message at the bottom, but everyone on this list are my faves :D)

@artsyjhope ☆ | @lthyl ☆ | @rolbi | @wonderer-ru ☆ | @spring-jealousy | @jeonbegins | @sugasgrowl | @mochiibebe ☆ | @blushoseoks | @jiminssi | @ttaewo | @kimvtae | @ohsuga | @versigny | @yoongihime ☆ | @yoonminnings ☆ | @chimneytaels | @gukvory ☆ | @taeverie ☆ | @4stigma | @sugajpg | @syubingseok ☆ | @kittae | @fhawn | @bxebxee | @thules | @chimdeer | @workofteaguk | @donewithjeon ☆ | @httpsung | @mytaeddy | @risinginfire | @jeons | @the95liner | @fromthe-seoul | @edenalieth | @triptaech | @seulin | @infiressi | @peachesjoon | @bts-for-life | @4soju | @hobibliophile | @cosykims | @jungkxook | @jungblue | @joonjeons ☆ | @pantaemonium ☆ | @helloblamebts | @taesblueberrymuffin ☆ | @dreamscript ☆ | @yoongsins | @pingkeujin | @kookingtae | @jeonsify | @minsvga | @parkjiminer | @dailydoseofdia | @jiminniemouse | @an-exotic-writer | @cuddleseok | @zephyoongist | @infireation | @ultraviolettae | @meetevil | @colourfulnoodles | @seoulscapes | @2seoke | @pjxmin | @taescup | @kairoseok | @kihyvvn | @tahyungs | @youmakemebacon | @myfeelsinink

@artsyjhope: thank you so much for approaching me, I consider you a very special friend even if we only started talking this year. you are one of the most caring, genuine people I know on this website, and you have a heart of gold. take your time with everything, and continue being as lovely as you have always been! I’ll always be here for you ^^

@lthyl: even though I already told you how I felt in the cheesiest birthday post ever, I can never pass up the opportunity to show my love! :D thank you for being here for so long. I am glad you have gotten to be part of my journey of growth as a writer, and I am also very proud of your own growth as I got to see you blossom into an amazing writer from a reader who only worried about showing her appreciation to others. it makes me happy to see you are also receiving beautiful praise now, after so long of just giving from that very big heart of yours ;v; enjoy this ride as much as you can, don’t let anyone bring you down, and never push yourself in any way! you deserve all the happiness <3

@wonderer-ru: I can already hear you saying ‘she’s lying! shhh! don’t listen to her!’ but I will never shut up! lol. people, if you haven’t checked out her writing, go do it now - it’s a magical ride you won’t regret. but fanfiction aside, I am glad I can say we have such a solid friendship (or at least that’s what I think ;D) that even if we spend days or weeks busy with our own stuff, we always go back to each other talking and fangirling like no time had passed. in my opinion, those kind of friendships are the best. thank you for everything, ily -3- 

@mochiibebe: I might not tell you often, but I seriously appreciate you as a friend who has also seen me go through many ups and downs, but has always been there with me, and I also hope to be there for you in the same way. you’re really special skies, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! ily and thank you for everything!

@yoongihime: sass is the cutest writer on this fandom and no one can tell me otherwise. you are so kind it almost makes me cry!! thank you for your endless support, people like you are the reason why I love tumblr. ;u;

@yoonminnings: VIV... we have gone through so much and even if you are not here as often as before, I will always keep you and our friendship in my heart. writing aside, you mean a lot to me and I will always wait for the day you come back, and I will receive you with open arms. ily so much! miss you ;^; 

@gukvory: ivory, my dear talented writer!! we might not talk much, but I could not pass up this opportunity to tell you how grateful I am for your presence on this website. I have been writing here for almost as long as you have, and it’s been an honor to see you grow through your different personas as I explored my own journey as well. I also need to thank you for taking your time to read the things I put out - my heart literally jumps and it makes my entire day whenever I see you have read something of mine, because knowing that someone with such overflowing talent like yours actually enjoys my works makes me feel like I’m doing something right. thank you for being such a great writer and person in general - I am so excited for the day when I can finally sit down and read your works without any kind of stress breathing down my neck, but for now, I will enjoy seeing you on my dash being your wonderful, kind self! ^^

@taeverie: jen is the proof that angels exist just saying.. for real YOU ARE THE SWEETEST, I love our conversations even if I’m terrible with replying, and I’m beyond thankful that you always keep them up and don’t get annoyed with me :’D thank you for being such a fun, talented person, and I hope to keep seeing you grow into an even better writer and an even more amazing person <333

@syubingseok: I HAVE SO MUCH LOVE FOR YOU NIKI. I feel like I need to protect you because you’re so nice and gentle and I really hope this website never ruins that for you. you have always been so nice to me to the point where I don’t even know what to do with myself haha. please continue being so positive and kind and humble because those traits are hard to come by. thank you so much for your friendship, and I hope to continue seeing you blossom into one of the greatest writers of this website because you really have the talent for it. ❤

@donewithjeon: michelle, I could not pass up the opportunity to include you here and tell you how amazing you are, both as a person and as a writer. you will always be one of my favorites and I hope to continue learning with your beautiful stories so I can improve and be as good as you. :’) I really look up to how level headed and mature you are, and you’re the best example as to how a bts fan should be. also, I am glad we started talking and got to share so many things that made us realize just how alike we are ahaha. I hope we can continue being friends, I enjoy our conversations so so much <3

@joonjeons: ALEXIS MY LOVE. without your cute cheesy messages tumblr would not be the same. we both have been here for so long and I’m glad we can still reach out to each other like no time had passed. I love you and I hope to keep seeing you around, you’re so special to me -3- (and I hope to be graced by your lovely writing sometime in the future as well! I will wait patiently, no matter how long that is :D)

@pantaemonium: I feel like I don’t say this enough, but I really, really look up to your writing and I will never stop saying it. you are a great inspiration to me and I can’t wait to finally catch up on all of your masterpieces. keep being yourself and take care lovely! muchísimas gracias por compartir tu talento <333

@taesblueberrymuffin: cindyyy *hugs* you’re so lovely and caring and your messages always make me smile. you’re so supportive and loving it’s unbelievable. I hope you know that I am always here for you whenever you need me :’)

@dreamscript: RYS I MISS YOU SO MUCH but I hope you know that I still consider you one of my dearest tumblr friends and that you’re so so talented and an amazing, funny human being that deserves all the love in the world!! I have so much fun with our conversations and even though it’s been a while since we spoke I still think of you dearly ❤

I am very sorry for this cheesy mess, but I didn’t know how else I could show how grateful I am. I don’t even know if there is anyone reading up to this point lol... anyhow, I love you all! -3-

[misty-avalon]

A-Z of me

A-Z of Me

Tagged by @theoceanismyinkwell

R U L E S: copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours, and when you are done tag up to ten people and also tag the person who tagged you… and most importantly, have fun !

a - adjective(s) your best friend would use to describe you: I’ve been told I’m creative, cute (tbh this one is debatable), stubborn, and nice (they might have some other opinions but idk) [B and C are missing...lol did someone not want to answer so they erased it] d - drink you last had: hot chocolate e - every day starts with: waking up then checking my phone (even though I have no social life haha) f - favourite song: having one favourite song is not possible when you’re in the kpop fandom. Spring Day - BTS, Fire - BTS, Not Today - BTS, Come Back Home (remake) - BTS, Cyphers 3 and 4 - BTS, We are bulletproof pt 1 - BTS, 4 o’clock - Rap Monster & V, So Far Away - Agust D ft Suran, Silver Spoon - BTS, Run - BTS, Crazy - 4minute, Hero - Monsta X, I - Taeyeon, Red Light - F(x), Dracula - F(x), Hard Carry - Got7, Congratulations - Day6, Dance Dance - Day6, Lean on me - Day6, As if it’s your last - Blackpink. Ok I’m gonna stop because this is already a long list. (Honourable mentions: Twice (they have some pretty catchy songs), 2NE1 (the group that pulled me into kpop so you should check them out), Seventeen) g - ghosts, are they real: I don’t want to say yes because that makes it spookier h - hometown: the southern hemisphere

i - in love with: Taehyung (who isn’t? lol) Ok I’m kidding. I’m not sure I’m in love with anyone anymore and that’s only because I haven’t seen them in a long time so if we do meet again we’ll have to get to know each other again. Other than this I am working on loving myself.

j - jealous of: I used to get ‘jealous’ of people who have successful parents because their career road is basically laid out for them and people tend to socialise with them more. I didn’t actually feel jealous, more like angry that my life couldn’t be more like theirs and that apparently money is on the list of friendship requirements. Overtime I stopped being like that because feeling that way is absolutely pointless. So instead I started focusing on myself and what things I could do for myself no matter how small they are. k - killed someone: umm? first of all no and second of all wouldn’t people be in prison? (is there even internet there?) l - last time you cried: sometime last month? I was already stressed from uni then I got yelled at for something small so I got really angry m - middle name: for privacy reasons I won’t be saying my name. In my opinion I think Elizabeth would be a pretty cool middle name to have because I loved Eliza from the Wild Thornberrys as a kid n - number of siblings: none o - one wish: to be financially stable that I can look after my family and not be in a job that I absolutely hate. Wanna hear a really funny stupid story? Ok so this was the first time that I was allowed to go to a school ball because “we were old enough” and it was our last year at the school. So anyways I wasn’t really feeling the whole being feminine and dressing up thing so I didn’t want to go. Then I did this really dumb thing...my crush asked me to go to the ball with him and you know what I said? “No”. Because of that I gave my crush heaps of mixed messages which basically ruined our relationship (as friends-ish) for the next 5 years. So if I could have one wild wish it would be to turn back time and change that answer to a “Yes”. I doubt our relationship would’ve lasted if I had said yes but at least I wouldn’t be sitting here always going like “hmmm I wonder if...”. Moral of the story is (tldr): when your crush asks you to the ball you don’t say “No” >.< p - person you last called/texted: mom q - question(s) you’re always asked: (from people that don’t know me) What does your name mean? Why are you so quiet? -_- I can tell you right now that none of the people that I’m friends with asked me those questions right from the start. r - reasons to smile: BTS, kpop memes, kpop funny moments youtube vids, and andi mack (this new disney channel show which you should all check out) s - song last sang: I don’t really sing anymore. I never learned how to use my vocal muscles so I got put off. Does lipsync count? If so, then it’s probably some BTS song (either spring day or not today) t - time you woke up: 11:00am (I’m currently on a break :D) u - underwear colour: why would you ask that?! (idk pink?) v - vacation destination: South Korea (clothes! skin care! their makeup colour palettes!), Paris (I wanna see the architectures with my own eyes), Italy (would love to visit those cathedrals that have those renaissance paintings, also genuine italian food!), Greece (maybe, I’d like to see the ancient ruins, and there’s the beach that has crystal clear waters), Hawaii (do I even need to explain?), and Switzerland (that beautiful landscape!) w - worst habit(s): picking at my skin (I’m quite fussy about my acne). Not good, you damage your nail bed and you make the acne worse. I’m literally considering getting a fidget cube or a fidget spinner to direct the activity away. x - x-rays you’ve had: one time we were ice skating and a friend was falling over so he pulled me down with him which resulted in me twisting my ankle. I got taken to the medical centre and had to get an xray just to make sure that I haven’t fractured anything (I didn’t). I also had teeth xrays for when I needed braces y - your favorite food: korean beef/lamb skewers (literally the first thing I go for at school galas), bulgogi, sweet glazed potatoes, mung bean jelly, ramen, mochi, sushi, okonomiyaki, mooncakes, dim sum, fried rice, fried noodles, pho, spring rolls, lemongrass pork, hotpot, udon, pasta, pizza, and of course the occasional greasy fast food meal from McDonalds or KFC. z - zodiac sign: virgo

Ok so I’m supposed to tag 10 people? I literally only know like 3-5 followers who are still active on tumblr which is gonna be hard for me and some of y’all have already been tagged so I’m gonna skip out on tagging people. If you’re reading this and you wanna do it go ahead! I’ll be looking forward to getting to know more about you guys!

[dlamp-dictator]

Allen’s Ramblings XIV: Allen’s Limits (Fanservice Edition)

Well, I just finished another go-over for my fanfic (which I’ll hopefully be updating tomorrow), so I’m in a writing mood today. Before I head home I think I’ll do a rambling real quick.

So I made a post here saying that I can’t watch the anime Valkyrie Drive Mermaid because it hits “my limit” in terms of fanservice and what I’m willing to tolerate, but I’ve never really discussed what my limits were in terms of fanservice.

Let me just be frank about my (trash) tastes real quick. I love and will defend Senran Kagura as a game with not only good gameplay, but a good story to my grave (unless we’re talking about the timeline/multiverse split, then this game deserves all the flack it gets on that end). I enjoy anime like Ikkitousen/Battle Vixens (the first season anyway), Wanna Be the Strongest in the World (though I will never recommend that to anyone. Ever.), Kill la Kill, Keijo, Koihime (wow, a lot of K’s there), and so on. I love playing games like Dead or Alive (I even buy the DLC sometimes), Rumble Roses, Onechanbara, Blazblue (its female designs are really fanservice-y, let’s be honest here), Nitro Busters, and I’m willing to try almost any MMO with cute female character designs for a bit. Needless to say, I like me some fanservice, or at least I can tolerate a hell of a lot of it. 

You will never hear me say “this anime/game is good if you can get over the fanservice” because I refuse to believe an anime or game should have a gap like that for people to over to enjoy it. Unless gap is a video game and it’s a skill-based gap, there shouldn’t be a one in the first place (that said Senran Kagura: Deep Crimson is actually kind of hard unless you grind a bit, so... fair warning). You might have noticed I say things like “if you can’t handle the fanservice that’s fine, but try to make it past episode 1 at least.” That’s because I feel you at least need a minimum amount of context before making a call on a show or game just being fanservice trash. Seeing a few gif sets or screen shots isn’t context, not to me anyway. With shows like Keijo and games like Senran Kagura, there’s a good anime and game there, and a lot of the judgement come from the premise and people just ignore the context. Many of the people that try the games out or watch the shows usually say something “yeah, this is a good game/anime, and it has potential, but the fanservice kills it for me.” That’s a 100% okay thing to say. I just get mad when people call it trash without even looking into it. To say Senran Kagura is a trash game that only panders to male audience is just... not only wrong, but shows ignorance to me. To say Keijo and Kill la Kill are fanservice-y shows that just attract a male audience just... kills my soul a little when I know for a fact that it’s got other things going for it than just the fanservice.

However, with all that said I still have my limits. There are shows and games that even I can’t get intodue to some of the content in it. I won’t say these games and shows are bad, but sometimes I will say I can’t finish, watch, or play them because the content in them turns me off, or at the very least I will advice people to skip certain parts because that’s how bad they turned me off. 

But anyway, let’s get on with what limits Allen has in terms of Fanservice:

Bare Breast Being Shown

Christ, this is the main reason I can’t get through Valkyrie Drive Mermaid. 

Look, I’m a guy. I’m a straight guy. I think I can comfortably say I like breasts. As an anime fan with trash taste I can say that, yes, I like anime tiddies. However, flashing bare breasts on the screen just... turns me off a little. Like, I get it, sometimes that’s just how the show is. Clothes and underwear come off, so it just makes sense, but I just... don’t enjoy. This is mostly because when I watch fanservice-y anime I’m watching the simulcast version where the boobs and nipples are censored in a way that it’s either in a way that’s comedic (like in Daimao), stylistic (like in Samurai Girls), or by editing shots (like in... most anime nowadays). So, when the blurays come out the anime tiddies are shown in full, uncensored view it feels more distracting than tantalizing. Like, you’ve already hooks me with the story, comedy, or action dude, why are you showing me the anime tiddies when I didn’t care for them three months ago? That’s just how I feel anyway, I think I’m the only one that thinks like this.

Sex Scenes

This is in the same vein as bare breast. I usually watch these fanservice-y shows for either it’s action, comedy, or actual plot (what little one exists anyway), so even if the sex scene makes sense in context, unless it’s playing some comedic gag like someone walking in on the characters and kills the mood or it’s an implied sex scene where the joke is that it’s some innocent I just... don’t want to watch it. A good video game example might be the sex mini game(s) in the God of War series. Yeah, they’re short and aren’t important to the game, but... I didn’t buy the game for that reason, that’s not the point of the game, and it feels like it was put in their for stupid reasons.

Taking the Plot Too Seriously/Flimsy Justification for Fanservice

This is the main reason I can’t get into Queen’s Blade, but some online friends have tempted me into giving it another shot. This is also the main reason I can’t recommend Ikkitousen past season 1. When shows and games try to make their plot out to be something more serious than it actually is it just... makes me wonder why. Like when I was talking about Keijo in my anime updates, it’s main draw was the ridiculousness and action, not the fanservice. If that show tried to play Nozumi’s poverty seriously and had her involved in Keijo out of desperation to make money I would had dropped it immediately.

To clarify, the manga made it clear that Nozumi knew she could make a killing as an Olympic Gymnast, but as a Keijo player she knew she’d have a bigger payout, longer career life, and (arguably) less risks to her body. Becoming a Keijo player was just systematically better for her and that’s why she did it. No more, no less. I would had stopped watching almost immediately if they had made Keijo out to be some vile sport forcing girls to battle for a wild crowd like an underground cock fight and Nozumi was desperate enough to quick being a gymnast to make money in that sport. 

Again, this is what killed my interest in Ikkitousen. I was watching that show to see cute girls punch each other with decent fight scenes and animations, not for some Three Kingdoms drama about defying fate. I’ll play Dynasty Warriors if I wanted that. 

Playing to a Fetish I Don’t Have/Care About

This one’s pretty simple, so I won’t get too ramble-y here. If the show or game’s trying to sell me on something I’m not into, I won’t care to play or watch it anymore. I’m not about to start spilling my virgin-ass sexual interests on the internet, so that’s all I’m gonna’ say on that.

Underage Sex Scenes/Underage Sexualization

No. No just. This is a bad thing and it’s why I can’t and won’t recommend Fate/kaleid liner Prisma Illya past the first season, and why I will recommend people read Negima at Omnibus Volume 3 instead of at the beginning. 

Now, when I say “underage sexualization” I mean “below high school age.” Why do I let high school get a free pass? Well, because I’m pretty sure a good majority of us lost our virginity in high school, and high schoolers having sex is a plot in nearly every live action high school drama ever, so... yeah. High School and sex is just a real life thing, so any complaining about it just seems hypocritical to me unless the sexy is stuff is about the point below. Anything under that high school age is just... no. 

Also, the show/game sexualizing things and the fandom sexualizing things are two completely different things to me. I don’t like it when fans do it either, but those are the fans getting horny at the wrong things, not the creators endorsing that behavior... unless they do, but that’s a whole other conversation.

Glorifying Rape/Brutality (Especially Against Minors)

Again, a thing that is just... no. However, this one’s a bit more... eh, complicated? 

For me, rape and brutality shown in media isn’t a turn off point. I mean, it is, but if I’m being super-hyper-mega-ultra-willing to, I can deal with it. That is, so long as the characters involve react in a realistic/believable way. Do people in the story justify the act? Do they rebuke the one who did it? Is that person punished in a way that is either karmic, or proper given the laws of the world of that story? Is that person called out on their behavior? 

Look, I’m not going to start defending rape and the like in media, I’m just saying if it’s done to make a point and not playing at some ultra-violent fetish then there’s some room for discussion. It still turns me off, it still hits my limit, but yeah.

So yeah, there are a few others for me, but those are the big ones. Anyway, that’s it for this rambling. Feel free to ask me stuff and whatnot. I’m heading home now and I’ll probably be taking a third look at my fanfic, so... yeah.