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talonabraxas · 4 months ago

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The Kerubim, “The Strong Ones”

An “Angel” (Greek angelos or “messenger”) is considered to be a heavenly spirit, a messenger or intermediary between God or the gods and humankind. All religions possess one inherent commonality–the relationship of human beings with the Spiritual realm. In ancient Greek religion, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, this relationship is thought to involve angels–divine messengers sent to humans to instruct, inform or command. An angel can function also as a protective guardian, as a heavenly warrior, and even as a cosmic power. Moreover, the line between a good angel and a bad angel, or demon, is sometimes unclear.

Therefore, angels can be broadly described as personified powers meditating between the Divine and the human. Even in its devotion to monotheism, ancient Israel was able to embrace the image of a council of gods by turning all of them into angels that serve the One God. This acceptance of a belief in angels was a development made relatively easy because lesser gods and angels could be referred to as “sons of God.” Later development in both Judaism and Christianity shows a remarkable growth of angelic folklore as a result of continuing this ancient practice of absorbing the gods of polytheistic religions by turning them into angels.

After the period of Israel’s Babylonian exile (597-538 BCE), Jewish thought about angels was considerably altered and enriched. Drawing on Mesopotamian art, artists and writers began to provide wings, even for the anthropomorphic angels, and an interest developed in angels’ garments, names, and relative ranks. In addition to the Mesopotamian influence, the Persian dualistic tradition of Zoroastrianism added another dimension to the Jewish conception of angels by positing hostile and destructive angels who are rebellious against God. The Jewish Qumran sect, or Essenes, saw the world as a battleground, the scene of the struggle between the Spirit of Truth and the Spirit of Wickedness, the latter an angelic power opposed to God called Belial or more commonly, the “Devil.”

In Judaic Angelology, there are nine classes of Angels: the Seraphim, Kerubim, Thrones, Dominations, Powers, Virtues, Principalities, Archangels and Angels. According to Henry Cornelius Agrippa, in his Three Books of Occult Philosophy, aspects of the Elements can be attributed to the natures of these orders of Angels as follows: Fire to the Seraphim, Authorities and Powers; Water to Thrones and Archangels, Air to the Dominations and Principalities, and Earth to the Kerubim. Placed in superior hierarchy are the supercelestial angels, who, mediating the pattern of Divine Will, are: the Thrones as the Wisdom of God; the Seraphim as the Goodness of God, and the Kerubim as the Essence and Form of God. As stated by Agrippa, from the Angelic Orders humankind is strengthened with extraordinary attributes.

“From the Angels, Mankind perceives messages of Divine Will and a clearer comprehension of the Mind of God. From the Archangels, humanity obtains rulership over beasts of the field, fish of the sea and fowl of the air.”

From the Principalities, all things are overcome, engendering a comprehension of the ascendancy of all things, and drawing spiritual power to oneself by a secret and divine force. From the Virtues come the power and strength against enemies of Truth. From the Powers, the ability to conquer these enemies within ourselves. From the Dominations, subjugation of these adversaries. From the Thrones we are woven together and collected into ourselves with remembrance fixed on Eternal Visions. From the Seraphim we acquire the perfect flame of Love, and from the Kerubim comesthe light of mind, the power of wisdom, and the exalted images by which we contemplate the Divine.

As stated in Three Books of Occult Philosophy, the Hebrew theologians numbered and called these orders as follows: in the supreme province, are the Chayoth ha Qodesh, or Creatures of Sanctity, to which EHEIEH gave the gift of life. In the second place are the Auphanim, Forms or Wheels, whereby YHVH differentiated the chaos. In the third place are the Aralim, great, strong and mighty angels, by which YHVH joined with Heh (HHYVH) to provide form to the liquid matter. In the fourth place are the Chasmalim by which AL framed the image of bodies. In the fifth order are the Seraphim by which ELOHIM GIBOR drew forth the elements. The sixth are the Malachim which ELOAH produced metals. In the seventh sphere are the Elohim or Gods, by which YHVH TZABAOTH produced vegetation. In the eighth reside the Beni Elohim, Sons of Gods, by which ELOHIM TZABAOTH produced animals. The ninth and lowest sphere contains the Kerubim by which SHADDI EL CHAI created Mankind.

The above has been a short introduction into the realm of Angels. The subject of the Kerubim alone could involve voluminous amounts of information as there are many different classes and functions of the Kerubim–they are not simply limited to the Sephirah of Yesod. The Elements have their analogies at every level, and these attributions can be applied to every Sephirah, but particularly the central Sephiroth on the Middle Pillar. The Kerubic forces of Kether descend the central Column from Kether to Malkuth. This is indicated by the Kerubic signs about the corners of the Tarot Trump XXI, The Universe. Malkuth is the sphere of the Elements and Yesod is its foundation, which, being on the Second Plane, is the sphere of contact with Natural Forces. Tiphareth is the Sephirah from which the Elements are controlled, the Sephirah of the Elemental Kings (Elementals which have begun to respond to Spiritual vibrations).

The Seraphim (derived from the word “Seraph” meaning “burn”) are another class of angels considered to be an upper octave of the Kerubim. Their function is to burn false doctrine and convert man back to righteousness. It is said that they pass on information drawn from the Neschamah during sleep, to the Creator in Atziluth, for the Seraphim are the Holy of Holies, or the Highest Heaven in Briah.

The focus of this paper, however, covers only those Kerubim which include Gabriel, the Angelic Choir of the Kerubim of Yesod, the Archangels of the Elements, and the Right and Left-Hand Kerubs, Metatron and Sandalphon.

Gabriel

Gabriel’s name comes from the same Hebrew root as Geburah (GBR) indicating a relationship between the 5th and 9th Sephiroth. Gabriel serves a triple function, Annunciator, Guardian and Guide. Gabriel is the divine messenger who relays information between the Divine and humanity and bestows the gifts of vision, hearing and psychic abilities as well as the powers of life, procreation and equilibration. This angel is referred to as Gabriel Yesodel (Archangel of Yesod) and as Gabriel Kerubiel (leader of the Kerubim).

As an angel of high eminence in Jewish, Christian and Muslim tradition, Gabriel is one of the four most often noted in Judaism and Christianity, the others being Michael, Raphael and Uriel. Gabriel is the heavenly messenger who appears in order to reveal God’s will. In the Old Testament, Gabriel interprets the prophet’s vision of the ram and the he-goat (Daniel 8:15-26) and explains the prediction of the 70 weeks of years (490 years) for the duration of the exile from Jerusalem (Daniel 9:21-27). In the New Testament, Gabriel announces to Zacharias the birth of his son, John, who is destined to become known as John the Baptist (Luke 1:11-20), and in Luke 1:26-31 reveals to Mary that she is to be the mother of Christ. Among Muslims, Gabriel is believed to be the spirit who revealed the secret writings to the Prophet Mohammed. As the Annunciator, Gabriel is most likely to speak to us through dreams.

Gabriel means “Strong one of God” or “Strength of God.” As seen by the position of Yesod on the Tree of the human psyche, the name is not without reason. From the position on the central Pillar of Consciousness on the Tree, Gabriel is the firm and stable foundation of the Spirit. As Yesod in the World of Briah, it is the ego consciousness of Briah, and the Sephirah occupied by Gabriel is a crucial one. It is the last stage before the aspirant reaches the Kether of incarnation, or the Tiphareth of Briah, for beyond lies the threshold between Raphael in Hod and Haniel in Netzach. At this point, he is still Man but may be referred to as “Hero of God” under the guidance of Gabriel. To pass, the initiate must rise up the Tzedek Path of Righteousness where the shadow side of the personality is destroyed, and all remnants of being as a separate entity are dissolved. Only then can one attain Tiphareth in Briah and come under the direct influence of Archangel Michael, or “One Who Is Like Unto God.”

The Kerubim

The Kerubim can be conceived of as a reflection of the Four Holy Living Creatures of Kether, the powers of the Eternal Elements. The duty of the Chayoth ha-Qodesh is to formulate the primary pattern upon which the rest of existence is built. These Kerubic forces descend the Middle Pillar to Yesod where the Kerubim, as the structural powers of the Universe, support this existence. Therefore, the Kerubim are the formative powers of the Elements stationed in the sphere of Yesod, the etheric substructure that supports the physical universe. As these etheric powers, the Kerubim are the formative forces of the world and humankind. As Angels of Lunar Yesod, the Kerubim also have an association with time, the four Kerubic points in the year which are the Hermetic Qabalah’s cross quarter days. Their name means “the Strong Ones” which is derived from the Akkadian word Karibu which means “one who prays” or “one who intercedes.”

The work of the Kerubim is to influence communication between the inner and outer worlds by serving as Guardians, Heralds, Equilibrators and Guides. They work on the building of knowledge and the harnessing of force in etheric or Yesodic methods. One of these methods is the use of symbols relating to Yesodic perception within the depths of the unconscious mind. With the progression of time, these symbols become less ritualistic and more psychic, becoming tools in the hands of the aspirant. These images are the contents of the Treasure House of Images, and the forces behind these images are the Angels of Yesod.

The Tetradic Kerubim are the animated powers of YHVH working through the fixed signs of the Zodiac. As given in Exodus 25:18-19 and 37:9, their shapes represent the aspects of the four dynamics of the Elements. These energies are not the Elements themselves, but rather are placed between the Angels and the Elements in hierarchy. One of the functions of the Kerubim is to take these energies and set them into motion and as such,, this Choir of Angels has a direct affect on the Earth and Man. As presidents of the Elemental Forces, these Four Kerubim are each assigned one of the letters of the Divine Name YHVH, and they operate in and through the four astral Elements in Yesod before these Elements are formulated in the physical world of Malkuth.

This Tetrad serves as Equilibrators by creating a stable nucleus from which the physical world comes forth into being. These four Vice-Gerants of the Elements, under the Presidency of Spirit (Gabriel), are synthesized in the formula of YHSHVH. Yod, Lion, Nequaquam Vacuum, Nowhere a Void; He, Eagle, Libertas Evangelii, Liberty of the Gospel; Vau, Man, Dei Intacta Gloria, Unsullied Glory of God; and Heh (f), Ox, Legis Jugum, Yoke of the law; and in the midst of the four letters is Shin, the letter of Spirit, which, formed from the Tetragrammaton, gives the Divine name of Yeheshua, The Pentagram represents the concentrated force of the Spirit and the four Elements governed by the five letters of the Name of the Restorer, YHSHVH and is not only attributed to the planet Mars, but also shows the Kerubim and the Wheel of Spirit. The Kerubim of Ezekiel have four faces, those of the Lion, the Bull, the Man and the Eagle, alternating with each other by rotation. Beside them was the symbolic form of the Spirit, symbolized by the wheel. As suggested by the two wings that covered their bodies and the two wings that stretched upwards to each other, the synthesis of the Kerubim is found in the revolving Cross, in the Pentagram, and in the idea Spirit dominating the four Elements.

The Kerubim are winged celestial beings which, unlike most conceptions of angels as anthropomorphic, are zoomorphic. On the 32nd Path between Malkuth and Yesod, the Zelator encounters these Four Kerubim who perform elemental purifications which aid in the alchemical transformation of the aspirant. In this ritual, the aspirant learns that the Elemental Spirits are invoked through the power and governance of the Kerubim and their Zodiacal symbols. They are given Hebrew names but their appearance is primarily Egyptian:

Adam (Hebrew for Man), Kerub of Air, stationed in the East, human-headed Aquarius. “The Priest with the Mask of Osiris spake and said, ‘Thou canst not pass the Gate of the Eastern Heaven unless thou canst tell me my name’.” of which is replied “Thou art NUT, Goddess of the Firmament of Air. Thou art HORMAKU, Lord of the Eastern Sun.”

Aryeh (Hebrew for Lion), Kerub of Fire, stationed in the South, Lion-headed Leo. “The Priest with the mask of the Lion spake and said, ‘Thou canst not pass the Gate of the Southern Heaven unless thou canst tell me my name’.” Of which is replied, “Thou art MAU the Lion, Very Powerful Lord of Fire. Thou art RA, the Sun in his strength.”

Nesher (Hebrew meaning Eagle), Kerub of Water, stationed in the West, Eagle-headed Scorpio. “The Priest with the mask of the Eagle spake and said, “Thou canst not pass the Gate of the Western Heaven unless thou canst tell me my name’.” of which is replied “HEKA, Mistress of HESUR, Ruler of Water, is Thy name. Thou art TOUM, the Setting Sun.”

Shor (Hebrew meaning Bull), Kerub of Earth, stationed in the North, Bull-headed Taurus. “The Priest with the mask of the Ox spake and said ‘Thou canst not pass the Gate of the Northern Heaven unless thou canst tell me my name’.” of which is responded, “SATEM, in the abode of SHU, the Bull of Earth, is Thy name. Thou art KEPHRA, the Sun at Night.”

The arrangement of the Theoricus Hall of only four officers suggests the conciliatory Element of Air reconciling the opposing energies within the Hall, resulting in a perfect balance of forces. The number four is associated with Chesed, the first Sephirah to manifest below the Abyss, but it also refers to Yesod as the firm foundation within which the Four Elements are given etheric form which then later materialize in Malkuth during the course of the Lightning Flash.

In the Theoricus Ritual, as the Hierophant addresses the candidate on the meaning of the Cross within the Triangle, it is stated that the Cross, placed upon the Altar at the base of the Tree of Life, refers to the Four Rivers of Paradise. It is Gabriel who rules the “Living Water streams that well from out the Highest Throne.” “…And he showed me a pure river of the water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb.” (Revelations 22:1). These Rivers are referred to in Genesis 2:10-14: “And a River, Nahar, went forth out of Eden to water the Garden, and from thence it was parted and come into four heads. And the name of the First River is Pison, it is that which compasseth the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold. And the gold of that land is good. There is Bdellium and the Onyx stone. [–Leo.] And the name of the Second River is Gihom, the same as that which compasseth the whole land of Ethiopia. [–Scorpio.] And the Name of the Third River is Hiddekel, that is it which goeth forth to the East of Assyria. [–Aquarius.] And the Fourth River is Euphrates. [–Taurus.]” This indicates the Presidency of Spirit (Gabriel) over the four Elements.

In the Zelator Ritual the aspirant is told. “And Tetragrammaton placed Kerubim at the East of the Garden of Eden and a Flaming Sword which turned every way to keep the Path of the Tree of Life, for He has created Nature that Man, being cast out of Eden, may not fall into the Void. He has bound Man with the Stars, as with a chain. He allures him with scattered fragments of the Divine Body in bird and beast and flower, and He laments over him in the Wind and the Sea and in the Birds. When the times are ended, He will call the Kerubim from the East of the Garden, and all shall be consumed and become Infinite and Holy.” …. “This drawing of the Flaming Sword of the Kerubim is a representation of the Guardians of the Gates of Eden.

As the Qabalah teaches, the everlasting abode of the Higher Self is in the Eden of Paradise, the supernal sanctuary which is forever guarded from chaos by the Flaming Sword of the Kerubim whirling across borders of the Abyss. After the descent from Grace, the Kerubim were stationed at the Abyss to separate the Supernals from the effects of the Fall.

The Four Kerubim, through their assignation to the four Archangels, are Four of the Seven in the Presence of the Lord. This description of the Kerubim is from John’s vision (Revelations 4:7-8): “And the first beast was like a lion, and the second beast like a calf and the third beast had a face as a man, and the fourth beast was like a flying eagle. And the four beasts had each of them six wings about him; and they were full of eyes within: and they rest not day and night saying, ‘Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, is and is to come.’ ” Here, the Kerubim are seen as single-headed but having six wings, thus uniting the powers of the number seven (the Planets) with the number four (the Elements).

The Invisible Stations of the Hall of the Golden Dawn

The Stations of the Man, the Lion, the Bull and the Eagle are the Four Cardinal Points without the Hall and these are the invisible Guardians of the boundaries of the Temple. They are placed according to the Four Winds and are stationed beyond the thrones of Hierophant, Dadouchos, Hiereus and Stolistes.

The Kerub of Air, behind the throne of Hierophant, is the power of the Goddess Hathor who unites the powers of Isis and Nephthys. The sign of Aquarius, the zodiacal sign of Air, is the Water-Bearer, the container of Rain. The Egyptian name for the Sign of Aquarius is Phritithi.

The Kerub of Fire, face and form of a lion, with large, flapping wings, is behind the throne of Dadouchos, and is the power of the Goddess Tharpesh or Tharpheshest. The action of the Lion Kerub is through the Flaming Fire of Leo with the Egyptian name of Labo-Ae.

The Kerub of Water, which has the face and form of a great Eagle with large, glinting wings, is behind the throne of Hiereus. It is the power of the God Thoomoo, and his operation is through the Sign of Scorpio, which is called in Egyptian Szlae-Ee (in Egyptological works the name of this god is Tum or Tmu).

The Kerub of Earth has the face and form of a Bull with heavy, dark wings and is situated behind the throne of the Stolistes. It is the power of the God, Ahaphshi, operating by the Sign of Taurus and its Egyptian name is Ta-Aur.

Sphynx, the Synthesis of the Kerubim

The Sphynx is a synthetic of the Kerubic figures. In the Ritual of the 32nd Path leading into the Theoricus Grade, it is written, “The Sphynx of Egypt spake and said, ‘I am the synthesis of the Elemental Forces. I am also the symbol of Man. I am Life. I am Death. I am the Child of the Night of Time.’ ” As stated in Regardie’s Golden Dawn: “Now learn the mystery of the Wisdom of Egypt: ‘When the Sphynx (synthesis of the Kerubim) and the Pyramid (synthesis of the Elements) are united, thou hast the formulae of the magic of nature. These are the keys of the wisdom of all Time; and its beginning–who knoweth it? In their keeping are the sacred mysteries and the knowledge of Magic and all the Gods.”

According to Levi in Transcendental Magic: “You are called to be the king of air, water, earth and fire, but to reign over these four living creatures of symbols, it is necessary to conquer and enchain them. He who aspires to be a sage and to know the Great Enigma of Nature must be their heir and despoiler of the Sphynx, his the human head, in order to possess speech; his the eagle’s wings in order to scale the height; his the bull’s flanks in order to furrow the depth; his the lion’s talons, to make a way on the right and the left, before and behind.”

The Kerub, or Symbolic Bull, which Moses placed at the gate of the edenic world bearing a fiery sword, was a Sphynx which had a bull’s body and a human head. It is the Assyrian Sphynx, symbolic of the combat and victory of Mithras. This armed Sphynx represents the Law of Mystery who watches at the door of initiation to warn away the profane.

The Mosaic Kerub also represents a great mystery in which the elements are expressed by the number seven, without, however, giving the final word. This word is what the Qabalists write as YHVH and interpret by Aleph Resh Aleph Resh Yod Tau Aleph, expressing the triplicity of the secondary principle, the alliance between the triad and the tetrad, in a word composed of four letters, which form seven by means of a triple and double repetition. This word is pronounced “Ararita.”

The universal key of all magical operations is that of the ancient religious doctrines, and it is the key to the Qabalah, the Bible, and the Lesser Key of Solomon. With this key, we are able to understand the enigmas of every Sphynx and penetrate the Mysteries–and the key is this: (1) a hieroglyphic and numerical alphabet, expressing by characters and numbers, a series of universal and absolute ideas, (2) a scale of ten numbers, multiplied by four symbols and connected with twelve figures representing the twelve signs of the zodiac and (3) the four angels of the cardinal points.

The symbolic tetrad, represented in the Mysteries of Memphis and Thebes by the four forms of the Sphynx, i.e. the man, eagle, lion and bull, correspond to the four elements. Now these four signs, with all their analogies, explain the one word hidden in all the Mysteries. It is the name of the four primal letters of the Ineffable Name: YOD, symbol of the paternal scepter of Noah; HE, the cup of libations and also symbolic of maternity; and VAU which emerges from and joins the two. This is the triple sign of the triad in the Divine Word; but the mother-letter, HE appears a second time, to express the fertility and abundance of Nature and of woman to concisely express the doctrine of universal and progressive correspondences, which descends from cause to effect and ascends from effect to cause. Moreover, this sacred word is not pronounced, it is spelled, and expressed in four letters which are the four sacred words, Yod He Vau He.

Metatron and Sandalphon

One of the most common appearances of the Kerubim is the great dyad of Metatron and Sandalphon. These two holy Kerubim are the Sentinels of the Briatic Mother Temple of Light. Metatron is the Great Masculine Kerub, corresponding to the White Pillar of Yakhim, and Sandalphon is the Great Feminine Kerub, corresponding to the Black Pillar of Boaz. These Two Pillars, positioned on the right and left sides of the Tree, are symbolic of the concepts of Active and Passive, Male and Female, Adam and Eve and refer to the Pillars of Fire and Cloud which guided the Israelites in the wilderness. In the Theoricus Ritual, the hot and moist natures are further marked by the Red Lamp and the Cup of Water. These Two Kerubim are the Angels of the Devir, the Holy of Holies of the Hebrew Tabernacle and Temple. In this Temple, one inunense pair of Kerubic Images spread their wings from wall to wall and a smaller pair stood at the two ends of the Ark itself. Between them was the Kaporeth, the Presence of Yahweh.

Eheieh denotes breath and the sound that every being pronounces all its existence, and it is the Name of the Lord of Life. By the inspiration and expiration of Eheieh through the two Great Pillars (Macroprosopus is Aima and Abba, Mother and Father), all things are thrown into vibration. As Guardians over Malkuth, Metatron and Sandalphon are the Two Pillars, but the work of these Dyadic Kerubim is not solely relegated to the role of Guardians. They function also as Equilibrators, balancing opposites and defining the center, the place of balanced power. As Equilibrators, these Two Kerubim are closely related to the Egyptian Godforms of Isis and Nephthys. Nephesch ha-Messiah (also called “Kerubim”) is the animal soul of Messiah, or the Shekinah, and is the Presence between these two Kerubim. The Shekinah represents Aima Elohim, the Supernal Sephiroth as a synthetic unity of the Divine White Brilliance. Since this is spoken of as between the Kerubim, it is the Middle Pillar of the Tree and as such, is the Path of the Redeemer.

The vibrations of the Briatic World of Kether are shown through the influence of the mighty Archangel Metatron, the Great Angel of the Presence and the World Prince. Also called the “King of Angels,” Metatron was the guiding angel that led the children of Israel through the wilderness. Metatron, alone, sees the Face of God. He presides over the Tree of Life in its entirety and is considered the Right-hand Masculine Kerub of the Ark. It is said that Metatron communicated the Qabalah to humankind, and as stated in the Abodah Zarah of the Talmud, he is the “teacher of the prematurely dead children of Paradise.” He is known as the Metatron Ketheriel and is also called IOEL – “I am God.” Metatron functions as the link between God and Man, and the vibration of this Archangel’s name will generate a yearning to return to God or the pure state of Kether. Therefore, he is the guide or source of aspiration in attaining the higher levels of the self and by vibrating his name, we draw down that part of him to aid us in this effort.

The effect of the Briatic World of Malkuth is through the Archangel Sandalphon. She is also the Left-hand Kerub of the Ark of the Covenant. Translated from the Greek “Sandalfon” which means “Co-Brother,” Sandalphon is considered the twin of Metatron or another form of this Archangel. Another translation of the name is “Lord of the Extent of Height” and because of this remarkable height, she is said to be able to reach her twin in Kether, which points to the idea that Malkuth is Kether–but after a different manner. As the Archangel of Malkuth, Sandalphon reconciles the material energies which are brought forth into the physical world. She is also said to convey the power and beauty of the natural world to the Souls of humanity and influences worldly affairs in general by creating the building blocks and designs for each civilization.

On the Microcosmic Tree of Life, Malkuth of Briah is the equivalent to the self of Man. The archangel Sandalphon watches over the Kether (the most spiritual essence) of the physical body and the Tiphareth (the consciousness) of the psychologically unawakened individual. When initiates begin to evolve, Sandalphon guards them as the Neschamah grows, always keeping consciousness on the Middle Path. As the Neschamah becomes stronger, an image of the Briatic World, the realm of Spirit, begins to form. Slowly a foundation is formed on the lower portion of the Briatic Tree, and the initiate begins to perceive and comprehend the images of this World, as is demonstrated by the Chariot and Throne of the vision of Ezekiel. It is here that the creation of a purified consciousness is originated, and with this fusion of consciousness comes the development of an awareness in the Ruach triad. When the crystallization is complete, when it is stable within, it is no longer a passing flash or a gift, but a permanent foundation.

Conclusion

The word “Kerubim” might be better understood as a matter of function, rather than as a title, indicating the working together of groups, or polarities, i.e. dyads, tetrads, enneads, etc. Viewing the Tree as functioning simultaneously, the Elements originate in Kether through the Fylfot or the Spiral–“God breathes.” Chokmah is the pure, inexhaustible force of this “breath,,” and Binah is its vehicle of definition. These two Sephiroth originate the channel whereby the Kerubic forces descend the Middle Pillar, and the Side Pillars maintain this passageway through which they move. These Elemental forces are drawn forth across the Abyss by Geburah, working in conjunction with Chesed which equilibrates them, and it is these two Sephiroth which bring these forces through to individualized potential. They are then manifested as the heart of self through Tiphareth which rules and controls them. Netzach and Hod duplicate the efforts of Chokmah and Binah and of Geburah and Chesed in the lower personality of the self; and it is in Yesod, or the ego consciousness, that these Kerubic forces are structured. Malkuth is the manifestation of these elements within the physical body, the grounding of the circuit. The function of the Kerubim seems to be in guarding the gate of this action.

art: Spitblossoms

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walkswithmyfather · 4 months ago

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Ephesians 6:10-18 (AMP)

John 10:10 (GNT). “The thief comes only in order to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come in order that you might have life—life in all its fullness.”

James 4:7 (AMP). “So submit to [the authority of] God. Resist the devil [stand firm against him] and he will flee from you.” Friend, be prepared! The devil actively seeks to destroy you! Put on your spiritual armor daily!

Ephesians 6: 10-18 (AMP). “In conclusion, be strong in the Lord [draw your strength from Him and be empowered through your union with Him] and in the power of His [boundless] might. Put on the full armor of God [for His precepts are like the splendid armor of a heavily-armed soldier], so that you may be able to [successfully] stand up against all the schemes and the strategies and the deceits of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) places. Therefore, put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to [successfully] resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger], and having done everything [that the crisis demands], to stand firm [in your place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious]. So stand firm and hold your ground, having tightened the wide band of truth (personal integrity, moral courage) around your waist and having put on the breastplate of righteousness (an upright heart), [Is 11:5] and having strapped on your feet the gospel of peace in preparation [to face the enemy with firm-footed stability and the readiness produced by the good news]. [Is 52:7] Above all, lift up the [protective] shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. [Is 59:17] With all prayer and petition pray [with specific requests] at all times [on every occasion and in every season] in the Spirit, and with this in view, stay alert with all perseverance and petition [interceding in prayer] for all God’s people.”

Friend, be prepared! The devil actively seeks to destroy you! Put on your spiritual armor daily! Amen! 🙏🙏🙏

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gatekeeper-watchman · 8 days ago

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Good morning, USA and the World Daily Devotionals for November 6, 2024

Proverbs: God's Wisdom for Daily Living

Devotional Scripture:

Proverbs 27:20 (KJV): 20 Hell and destruction are never full; so, the eyes of man are never satisfied. Proverbs 27:20 (AMP): 20 Sheol (the place of the dead) and Abaddon (the place of destruction) are never satisfied; so (the lust of) the eyes of man is never satisfied.

Thought for the Day

Worldly lusts, idolatry and power oppose God's will. Look around you and see what’s going on. Those who yield to them are never satisfied, just as hell is always hungry for more inhabitants. Lust can never be satisfied. Our Heavenly Father gave us elections as a motorization of our wickedness. He allows us to see the evil and distaste in others for a reason. "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth forever" (1 John 2:16-17).

Satan tempts us in three areas of lust, idolatry and power; by using the same lie he told Adam and Eve. We can benefit from studying how this hostile fallen angel struck at God through the man and woman He had created and loved: "...And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat" (Genesis 3:4-6).

Notice Satan's method of tempting Adam and Eve. First, he challenged God's Word and cast doubt upon His judgment and goodness. Next, he placed three temptations before her through the lust of the flesh (Eve saw that "the tree was good for food"), the lust of the eyes (it was "pleasant to the eyes"), and the pride of life (it was "a tree to be desired to make one wise"). Our desires for the things of the world tempt us today as stated in James 1:14: "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed." The "world" consists of the systems of fallen human society without God: education, science, arts, religious systems, politics, etc. This "world" is controlled by Satan. Many of us do not realize that when we touch the things that make up fallen society, we touch the power of Satan. Therefore, we become independent in the way that we use them, if we do not put them under the power and direction of God. God does not want to deny us these things, but if we do not allow Him to rule over us as we partake of them, they become like forbidden fruit to us.

I do not believe that God intended to forever deny man access to the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, but He had a plan that would have opened his eyes to good and evil in time; when human beings had matured enough to be able to live with that knowledge. By eating prematurely from that tree, it brought death instead of wisdom, just as God warned. Physical death did not come immediately, but spiritual death did, as man could no longer face God. Fear and shame are the fruit of sin. If we fellowship with God on a daily basis, we find that there is simply no guilt that troubles us. However, when we sin and do not repent, we run from the presence of God just as Adam and Eve did.

Prayer Devotional for the Day

Dear heavenly Father, we thank you for all the wonderful things You created in this world for us to enjoy. Lord, I know when You restrict anything from us, it is for our good, and because You love us. Help us to understand but not yield to the temptations to go beyond the boundaries that You have set for mankind in Your Word. Deliver us from all lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and the pride within its greed of this life that may set our eyes on eternal things and hold loosely the things of this world and use them for Your glory. We ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen. Wednesday, November 6, 2024, Jacksonville, Florida USA From: Steven P. Miller, @ParkermillerQ,gatekeeperwatchman.org , TM ‎Founder and Administrator of Gatekeeper-Watchman International Groups. #GWIG, #GWIN, #GWINGO. www.facebook.com/gatekeeperwatchnan www.facebook.com/ Instagram: steven_parker_miller_1956

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jmantheangel2 · 5 months ago

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Jesus and his Angel of Crossovers - June 2024.

Matthew 18:10 - NKJV

10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven.”

Ephesians 6:10-18 - NKJV

The Whole Armor of God

10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.

11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the [a]wiles of the devil.

12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of [b]the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness,

15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.

17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;

18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—

Jack Marten (C) J-Man the Angel.

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godisgreat555 · 2 months ago

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Prayer For Today 🧡

Dear Lord, Heavenly Father, who called us to live in peace; crime is on the increase and destroying our inner cities, our country and the world.

Our so called leaders have failed their people, thrown millions of dollars into corrupt and failed policies, destroyed the churches that used to be a safe haven and crushed the family unit.

Instead of children playing in the streets safely, drug dealers are ruling the neighborhoods.

Our leadership pushing abortion homosexuality, transgenderism and pornography on our children, instead of teaching love, virtue and charity.

Artists pushing their filth, hate and evil on the world. Holy Spirit, bring healing to our world, open the eyes of the people, that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God,

so that they may thus receive release and forgiveness from their sins and place them among those who are consecrated and purified by faith in, and through Jesus Christ we pray, Amen🙏✝️

Ephesians 6:12

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

Thanks For Support My Faith Content , Your Support Matters 🙏👇✝️💜

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#prayer #scripture #bible #bible verse #church #jesusisgod #christian #christianity #jesus #jesusislord #christian blog #christian faith #christian living #christian tumblr #jesus is coming #faith in jesus #jesus christ #jesus is king

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apassionateman · 1 month ago

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Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints— Ephesians 6:10-18

If you haven’t figured it out already, we are in a battle, and you my friend are called to be a warrior. God hasn’t left us alone to fight this battle alone. God positioned us, because we as Faithful followers, know the battle was ultimately won at the cross. Yet UNTIL we see Jesus, we're to "fight the good fight" everyday with valiant faith. He provided for us the weaponry for this battle.

#Armor of God #APM...

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mybeautifulchristianjourney · 10 days ago

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Daily Light on the Daily Path by Samuel Bagster

Daily Reading for November 4th

Luke 10:19 "Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing will injure you.

1 Peter 5:8 Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

James 4:7 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Ephesians 6:11-16 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. • For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. • Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. • Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, • and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; • in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Micah 7:8 Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a light for me.

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hiswordsarekisses · 2 months ago

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“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—” Ephesians‬ ‭6:10-18‬. “and all the ways that wickedness deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved.” 2 Thessalonians‬ ‭2:10‬

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imintheleaves · 4 months ago

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#scripture #bible #encouragement #truth #NKJV

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poweredinpeace · 5 months ago

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Rev.17:17 For God has put in their hearts to do what he has in mind, and to be of one mind, and to give their kingdom to the beast, until the words of God should be accomplished.

What must the nations do? They do what God puts into their mind, predetermined by their own lust to believe the lie! Impostors

advance from bad to worst determined by demonic madness to give their power over to a beastly government.

While the great Shepard separates the sheep from the goats, the sheep know the Shepard voice!

Eph. 6:12 For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world's rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.

#politics #science #technology #parenting #pets #photography #quotes #student #architecture #art

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walkswithmyfather · 9 months ago

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‭‭Matthew 18:21-35 (ESV)‬‬. “Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servantfell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers,until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

“The Impact of Forgiveness” by In Touch Ministries:

“God's grace and kindness to us should naturally flow to others.”

“When Peter asked Jesus about forgiveness, he probably thought he was being generous by asking if seven times was enough. In a place and time where grace and mercy were in short supply, the disciple likely felt himself incredibly charitable. So imagine his surprise when Jesus replied, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy-seven times” (Matt. 18:22).

Jesus then shared the parable of a slave who owed the king a great debt. The king felt compassion, released him, and forgave the debt. But later, the man found someone who owed him a smaller amount. Rather than extend a portion of the grace he’d received, the slave demanded payment and punished the other man until he could pay it all. Hearing of this wickedness, the king called back the slave who had shown no mercy to a fellow worker. Then the king withdrew his generous offer and handed the slave over to jailors to work off every single denarius he owed.

May an unmerciful mindset never be true of us. When we truly grasp the depth of what Jesus did on the cross (Colossians 2:14), we should be eager to grant and freely share that gift with others.

Forgiveness becomes a natural outpouring of the indwelling power of God within us, allowing us to forgive to the extreme—just as we are forgiven.”

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00bamc · 2 years ago

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magnificently cursed

summary: lost lovers reunited. you love him, he loves you but your hand has been promised to another.

“Oh, goddamn! my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand, taking mine but it's been promised to another. Oh, I can't stop you putting roots in my dreamland. My house of stone, your ivy grows, and now I'm covered in you.”

pairing: benedict bridgerton x reader

series masterlist

playlist

You were ill of pretenses.

“You should smile more.”

And you were sick of James Brooke's sanctimonious behavior.

“Perhaps, you should keep your unwanted judgment to yourself.”

You saw the glint of amusement in his forest eyes at the malice in your tone. The grip of his fingers on your waist tightens as he spins you around, the luxurious collar diamond around your neck sparkling under the warm undertones of the candlelight - an embodiment of Lord Brook's filial loyalty. The warmth of his broad chest against your back feels suffocating, like a hand gripping your throat, impeding you from freely breathing.

“Smile,” his hot breath tickles your neck, and with every ticking beat the urge to get out of his grip and run away becomes more wanton, regardless, the urgency in his tone keeps you in place. The corner of your lips raises in a practiced charming smile, eyes glinting with false happiness. Somehow there is a sort of trust and loyalty between you.

Two halves of the same farce.

A perfect scheme orchestrated for the woman with the penetrating stare standing in one corner of the grand ballroom.

Lady Laurence has always been a woman of strong character, a widower who gained her reputation and wealth with blood, tears, and sweat.

A childless woman who put all her hopes on you.

Her gaze doesn't waver for you, even when she takes her time to bow to Lady Cowper and other irritating ladies of the Ton - a complete sense of ridiculousness in her behavior. A genuine chuckle escapes your lips. Of course, would Lady Laurence relish in the begrudged stares in a proud stance of chin raised, frail shoulders leaned back, and a pleasing yet mocking smile curving in her thin lips.

A clear portrait of victory.

“Isn't Lady Laurence a force to be reckoned with?” James' deep voice takes you out of your observations, and at the compass of the waltz, you turn around, faces close to each other.

You have to admit that your betrothed is a sight to behold. Underneath the golden shower of the candelabrum, he resembles all the Greek sculptures you are always fascinated to admire in the art galleries around Europe. Your gaze follows with artistic fascination the cupid bow of his slightly chapped lips, the freckles on his tall nose because of all the hunting trips in the countryside, and the strand of rich blond hair falling carelessly on his forehead.

He looks so much like the child who used to chase you around your countryside house backyard. A dear friend. A brother chose beyond blood. A victim of your Machiavellian plans.

“A woman to be afraid of.”

He laughs, yet, an unspoken sadness resides heavenly in his eyes. As if the mere sight of your aunt's watchful stance reminds him of the truth and the unpaid debts of the past - about the tormented heart of the beautiful and elegant woman watching in some place of the ballroom.

Hands fidgeting. Longing gazes.

Two hearts broken. Two hands bloody.

You wish to tell him all your regrets and apologies. You hope that he can see it in the trembling of your hands, the shame you hide in the bow of your head at the end of the dance, and the avoidance of her gaze. The woman he calls out in dreams, the one that has been banished in the eyes of his family. The daughter of a merchant, who is not enough for a man of his position. His true love.

Selfish girl. The voice of your wickedness whispers, but are you that selfish when love is the root of your decisions?

Immediately, you search for the figure of the object of all your affections. Your mother's-tired smile sends a pang of hurt to your heart as she dismisses the help of Penelope's Featherington to serve her a glass of fresh lemonade sitting on the refreshment table. You let go of James' arm, rushing to her side while sending a grateful smile to Penelope. The girl returns it without a single word, and you are more than thankful for her lack of mention of the faltering strength of your mother to do a simple task.

“Mama, let me help you with this.” You say while taking the glass off her hands. Her only response is a gentle touch on your back. Motherly and soothing.

“Mr. Bridgerton has been watching you all night.”

You halt your movements abruptly, a bit of the lemonade spilling on the table, leaving a faint stain on the elegant tablecloth. Still, you chose to remain silent, convincing yourself that the knot in your throat at the mention of him is not the reason.

You extend the glass, and she takes it with fragile and trembling fingers.

For a brief moment, you tell yourself that you don't care if Mr. Bridgerton has been gazing at you all night, that it doesn't matter how the image of his cerulean eyes burns in your mind, how much you long for his touch, and how a single glimpse of him again could set your miserable heart in flames.

There is no more room for foolish dreams and aspirations, or dirtied dresses and paint-stained hands. There is no acceptance for sneaking around in places a lady like yourself never must dare to go, and Aunt Carol pleading your case for you to be in a place where a woman is not meant to be.

No more being an impostor. No more being a failure. No more him.

The fire inside you extinguished at the realization of your mediocrity—the reason for all your endurance in this pretense of shy smiles and lovesick gazes.

As you take a deep breath, you realize that you have been fidgeting all this time with the ring placed on your hand, your fingertips tracing the shape of the jewelry while a bittersweet smile curves on your lips. You remember seeing it in much stronger and larger hands. Rough palms covered in charcoal. Long fingers holding a brush in between them.

You do this for him.

“You know, my dear, Mr. Bridgerton always reminds me of him,” your mother's face melts with love at the thought of your father like it always does when she thinks of him. The memories feel like weapons because, after all these years, the tomb would not close, and the pain is still the same.

His ghost still haunts you to this day. You wonder which is more painful.

“Mama-”

“He is watching you now, dear.”

It takes all the bravery in your bones to raise your gaze. Blue eyes meet yours and for a brief stolen moment, time halts. The chattering and the string quartet playing are replaced by the sound of your own frantic beating heart.

You are foolish. All these months of lying to yourself about that magical summer night, just for the mere sight of him to take all your breath away. In his eyes, you still see the ghost of his desire, the same dark spark full of passion that you saw that warm night in June. It brings all back to motion. The lingers of his touch on your skin, the burning pleasure that consumed you from the insides, and the intoxicating taste of his mouth that keeps you awake on the loneliest nights. So sinful, so vibrant, so sweet.

He has ruined you, is the bitter realization you come to. He has ruined you from other men.

Eloise at his side, dressed in a signature blue sparkly gown, touches his arm, yet, his magnetizing eyes don't waver from you. Does he see it? How his ivy has covered all your stoned heart, covering you.

“Miss Laurence,” you feel the familiar touch of rough fingers on the naked skin of your elbow. You raised your head encountering James's pitiful eyes. His touch is meant to be comforting and tender as if he was trying to pick up a wounded animal, but it only crescents the pressure in your chest. Has breathing always been a difficult task?

He is here with you, but his eyes are not the ones you want to gaze at on your loneliest nights.

“Benedict!”

You heard it before you saw it. The collective gasp of the mama and her daughters. The high pitching of Eloise's voice, the crack of glass, and the soft call of your name coming from your mother's tinted lips. You see the desperation and fury in his gaze. The shredded glass on his feet and the gold ricochet of the champagne mixing with the maroon liquid staining his hands.

How poetical.

Four hearts were broken. Four hands bloody.

He takes a menacing step toward you. A forbidden question in his eyes.

“Excuse me for a second, Lord Brooke,” you know it's time to go, “Mama.”

You don't wait for the answer. Doe eyes and a sweet smile are enough armor for you to flee from the scene in a desperate attempt to bury the past - silhouette disappears behind the open doors leading to Lady Danbury's Garden.

The night sky's dull black, accompanied by the coldness of the air on your flushed skin brings a false sense of peace that you haven't felt in months. You relished in the feeling, even when the murmurs and vivid music coming from inside the ballroom, sounds like a mocking requiem of your misery.

You close your eyes for a moment.

But you should have known better.

Whatever you stray, he follows.

“I knew I will find you here.”

You stay rotten to your spot, helplessly hearing the sound of his footsteps coming closer, the warmth of his body near you followed by the touch of callous fingers, bringing forth a tarnished incandescent glow. “Do you despise me so much that you refuse to see me?”

With words pathetically stuck in your throat, and weak sudden courage running in your veins, you turn towards him. “Mr. Bridgerton,” you acknowledge with a curtsy bow, hands shaking at your sides. “It is a pleasure to see you again.”

Slowly, you raise your fearful eyes to look him in the eye, feeling a sudden shyness engulfing you.

He is a sight for sore eyes. You decide at that moment as you watch how the strands of chestnut hair fall over his forehead as the wind blows and how his opal eyes seem so vibrant under the moonlight, that Benedict Bridgerton has the air of a true muse. A man incapable of being forgotten. A lover whose memory will always haunt the women who have spent the night in his arms.

“You did not answer my question. Do you despise me so much that you refuse to see me?”

It is almost natural the course of your actions. The soft cloth of your handkerchief goes directly to the open wound in his large palm, crimson red staining the initials of your family's name embroidered in golden thread. The silence is excruciating, but what answer can you give him? So you decide to remain silent, enjoying the glimpse of the unrequited love you gave away.

Benedict's hands are cold against yours. Elegant fingers gripping the ones with the silver gentleman's ring.

“Is this his ring?” The darkness in his tone sends a cold shiver down your spine. “I thought you were going to refuse his hand,” He breathes out, hands abruptly letting go of yours. “That night you told me you were going to refuse his hand, and tonight I found you giving him the privilege of your company. What is the meaning of this?”

You let out a shaky breath, “I changed my mind, my lord.'' The words leave behind a bitter taste. You want to scream how he took the vanity of you and your foolish dreams about his love. “I decided to reconsider, and decided to do the best for my family and me.”

“The best for your family? Marrying him is the best for you?”

The disdain in his voice makes your blood boil.

“I think that is not of your concern.”

He recoils at the aggression in your voice.

“Not of my concern? Do you think it is not of my concern after that night?”

The air around you change for a second. The crescendo when souls intertwine and hearts connect in a way meant to never be separated again lingers in your memories. If he remembers it all too well, why didn't he act when there was time?

You cannot hide the resentment in your answer. “My lips have been shut, Mr. Bridgerton. You don't have to worry about your family's honor and reputation being ruined.”

“And what about you? Your honor? Your value?”

“Soon, I will be a married woman, and I assure you, my lord, my husband will not care about the meaningless whispers.”

You wait for the morbid satisfaction that the fallen expression on his beautiful face would bring.

It never comes.

“So, you would go through this?” the bend of your head and cryptic silence is enough to answer. An expression of incredulity passes through his face before he lets out a deep sardonic laugh. “And what about your art? You cannot simply abandon all your aspirations for this nonsense.”

You raise your head, taking a turn to look perplexed. Something you later will identify as disappointment touches your heart.

“I told you already, My Lord. The big masterpiece will never come.”

“So, this is what you are going to do? Marry that man for his wealth.” there is venom in his tone that feels foreign on his tongue. The burn-in of his opal eyes and the twist of his beautiful factions in a scowl leaves you speechless for a second. “I never thought you would be so frivolous, and cold-hearted.”

You see red.

“You have no right to judge my choices!”

You tell yourself that not a single tear should fall in front of him.

“I am speaking for what I see, Miss Laurence.”

“You speak from your selfishness.”

“My selfishness?” True confusion shines in his eyes.

Of course, a man like him could never understand.

“Yes. You cannot possibly understand what is for me and what is expected.” Your lips tremble as you speak, and you can hear it again.

An invisible clock ticking in your ear. The sound of the sand quickly hitting on the other side of the glass.

“You are making yourself a martyr. You know damn well, as I do, that you are one of the more talented artists I have the pleasure of meeting, so I don't -”

“Talent is not genius, Benedict.” the boom of your voice silences him. The call of his first name appeased the unjust fury burning in his gaze. “I have talent but it is not enough. I want-” you swallow down the knot in your throat, “I need to be great or nothing. I am not going to be an impostor and a mediocre if I could not be the great artist I always wanted to be. I won't do it.”

The resignation and despair in your voice are unable to hide. And you don't want to, because of all the people, you always thought that the kind man with a soul of an artist would be the one to be able to just comprehend.

Benedict doesn't say anything. His eyes are fixed on every inch of your face.

“I am a woman. I don't have the same liberties as you. I don't have the free will to go around and try to take chances if I am not good enough.” The laughter and mocking stares still follow you every time you dare to stand in front of a canvas. “And I just realized that I simply wasn't.” You think back to a trashed art room full of childish dreams. “As a woman, I do not have a way to make my way in the art world, not when I am not the genius, I need to be for me to succeed, and even if I do, the money I could make would never be enough to support myself and my mother.”

Your mother's face flashes in your head. Her pale face, and fragile hands help you to style your hair for tonight's ball. Her false reassurance that she is okay, that you must have seen wrong about the way she barely tries to catch her breath when she walked the short length of the stairs. The weakness of her limbs, and how the simple task of raising a spoon to feed herself seems to exhaust her more and more each day that passes.

“As a woman, I am not allowed the luxury to choose. I need security. I need to look out for the people I love. So don't stand there judging my decision, and calling me cold-hearted when I am only trying to look for myself. Marriage might not be an economical proposition or a place of security for you but certainly is for me.”

You are not able to hold back anymore the sorrow of your soul, sapphire tears finally fall down your cheeks. Benedict's face softens, regrets soaping for his pores at your stance. He takes cautious steps, one hand reaching for your face as tender fingers brush away the salty river. Pathetically, you lean down your cheek against his palm.

“I deeply apologize. I have been cruel in my accusation. I know you are angry and have every reason to be.” You let out a shaky breath the gentleness of his tone. “But I would not retract about the supposed selfishness you accused me to possess. Where does it leave me in your plans? What about what I feel?

Your voice breaks and you whisper. “And what exactly do you feel, Benedict?”

His lips remain shut, even when his eyes reflect the hidden galaxy, he is so desperate to guard. Instead, his attention returns to the silver ring on your left hand.

The words fall from your lips carelessly, offering explanations he doesn't deserve. “This is my father's ring. He didn't have any son to inherit it. He gave it to me the night he passed away.”

A smile of sadness and comprehension draws on his face.

“Do you love him?”

“No, but I could do it if I try.”

Both of you know that is a lie.

“Don't marry him.” The grief is visible in his plea. “Don't submit the both of us to this torture, please.”

“Why?” You take a step back from him, backing away from his alluring scent.

“You know the reason why.”

With the condescending in his tone, you let out a bitter laugh. After all this time and all these feelings, he still cannot admit it.

“I have loved you for a very long time, Benedict Bridgerton. I assure you; you are an unforgettable man. But I would not throw away a secure future for me and my mother for a man who is unable to admit what he feels.”

You see the exact moment your words ignite a dangerous fire inside him, and soon the cold and lonely air of the night is replaced by the fervent heat of his lips. The ardent touch of his hands around your waist, gripping it as if you were his lifeline. You feel again the passion and desire buzzing in every part of your body. The urgency and all the unspoken promises claimed in a starry night where you gifted him your innocence with a heart full of tender love. Unarmed, you surrender to his touch, and just for a wicked moment, you melt between his arms. Hands grasping at his strong shoulders, inhaling his masculine scent, and enjoying the sweet taste of the champagne in his mouth.

For a short moment of loss of judgment, you found yourself praying to the sky for a chance to stay forever in this beautiful lavender haze.

Foolish dreams of a woman in love.

The gold rush is not enough.

You let go of him slowly and painfully, catching a glimpse of disheveled hair and swollen red lips.

He is beautiful under the moonlight.

Benedict notices your intentions, quickly gripping your hand before you slip away from him and towards a place he couldn't reach anymore.

“At least let me have a final dance with you.”

Your heart doesn't allow you to say no.

You will have one last dance with the man you love, even when both of your hands are tied.

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jmantheangel2 · 1 month ago

Text

Ephesians 6:10-18 - New King James Version