#why? because i'm a degenerate duh

[alectoperdita]

this is not relevant to the in-text story because it's rated T, but i need people to know

fox god Seto has a knot

[papirouge]

Why are people in your inbox, flexing the fact that they don't have any critical thinking skills?

Like duh sex is for reproduction. Sexual pleasure and desire are the rewards you get for doing the thing that continues our species. And sex is bonding to increase investment in the results of those sexual encounters,i.e., offspring. Like, yall think sex is bonding just because??? And not to ensure investment in the children you may be creating?

Yeah, like I said, they take the "sex is for bonding" the wrong way.

Of all species on earth, the human one is the one with the slowest maturing process. It takes 20+ years for a human to reach the full of their physical, intellectual and emotional capacities. We're physically vulnerable much longer too (look how long human childhood lasts). That's why nature God is really intelligent and made human babies so cute so that their cuteness triggers their parents caregiving instinct to keep them alive and perpetuate the specie. I'm not joking, that scientifically proved lol

And for more chance of survival during such a long time, it's better to have their 2 parents around to protect them. And how does God nature managed to find a way to for the parents to stick together? by making sex triggering a bonding (chemical/biological) response.

Nature doesn't make stuff for 'nothing'. What the point of sex of creating sexual bonding if nothing happen around it (babies)? If anything, it reinforces the idea that bonding was MADE to make babies & assure their protection.

Funnily enough, this "bonding" argument thrown around by sex posi degenerate actually works in their defavor because if sex creates bonding, it destroys the concept of sexual liberation. If sex makes people emotionally bond with each other, we should have actually significant relationship with the people we engage sexually with - so not hookups or one night stands...

[inflammatoryfandomblog]

Tbh that Aaravos being responsible for every conflict in the last millenia gives me major degenerate cospiracy theory vibes and of this quote of a show that I am not a fan of https://youtu.be/Mq1EphvZGMg

I like how the greatest danger coming from him is implied to continue rickrolling and "trust me bro" some mages (which he already does?) rather than possessing magnificent cosmic powers?

The main characters get dragged along with the plot of stopping him without stopping and reflecting for a moment, you could literally ask them why he needs to be stopped and it'll be something like, "because he is making stoopid humans do war against xadia, duh"

And Apparently Ezran's ancestor/dynasty founder from 300 years ago betrayed him? And humans, elves and drakes worked together to imprison him? Yet their relationship still didn't improve at all??

Yeah I prefer reading dnd's filled to the brim complicated lore over what that is, a villain whose motives you do not know until this point isn't interesting and I yet haven't seen anything morally gray about him and I don't think he should be near women for some reason. His ruthless actions make sense in the situation he is in, I guess, but he is still an asshole?

Like what does he want? Become an Archon with his mindslave mages?

Lmfao the Diamonds from Steven Universe were more menacing

i wouldn't lob that at the showrunners; i mean obviously conspiracy theories like the illuminati have been pretty far-right in recent years, which has made some plots that involve them a bit uncomfortable in retrospect. but the far-right aren't the only people to fall for them, and for fiction they're an attractive way to have the focus on the characters rather than writing a societal treatise or whatever. dealing with Issues that require consideration is hard, writing wise; it's much simpler to have a final boss.

i think it's just sort of easy to show that a character is an mastermind by having them be responsible for literally everything. aaravos is more like lucifer than an expy of any group of people, i mean he's a fallen star and seems to have heavenly brothers/people, you can't really get more on the nose than that.

which like, the concept isn't *inherently* bad even if i hate it, like aaravos could just be successful because maybe he exploits faults that were already there in society in the first place or he's a metaphor for something, or whatever. it could work in theory, but this sort of plotline is so botched like a good 99.99% of the time (so much so that just the use of this trope is a pretty big red flag) and without a lot of work it really DOES undermine the "cycle of violence" theme completely if everything is the fault of one guy.

the dragon prince is just not good at showing the different sides of any issue with any depth of consideration, especially when it comes to the human side, so i'm not really holding my breath.

as for his motivation, idk the fact that the dragons are so afraid of him and that he could solo them means that he has a lot of power, he just wants to fuck about for some other issue other than just to gain power, like maybe revenge against somebody else (or to gain power over bigger fish than the dragons/elves and fucking about lets him do that), probably because he wants to stick it to his former star-people or whatever. who knows, there are literally no hints in the show as to why he might do this. it doesn't really matter to our characters or literally any other conflict that has emotional weight behind it, so i don't really care.

yeah the fact that a human was the one to bring to light aaravos's deception is... kind of weird, that the relations didn't improve at all. on one hand it probably explains why the dragons have been more ambivalent about humans than the "kill on sight" border patrolling policy they have would suggest (though at least one, rex igeneous, seems to disagree with it.) on the other hand... there's that "kill on sight" border patrolling policy they have, and also you'd think the existence of a primal human mage wouldn't be unknown for the first few season if she was literally buddies with a queen pivotal to the history of katolis. but the whole “callum is the only person ever to have wanted to be a primal mage badly enough” is not as compelling as the writers think it is.

"i don't think he should be near women for some reason." yeah. in his interactions with the female characters there's this very harass-y element to how he's portrayed (for example, khessa's death--not the obliteration itself, how he handles it just before). he also uses the word "ravishing" unironically, which... lmao. tryhard reddit vocabulary.

[euthoriaz]

Cleon in Infinite Darkness Ted-Talk

Don't mind me but I want to let this out to y'all.

I've seen the newest Infinite Darkness trailer 10000000 times ( well, duh, of course. I'm there for Cleon moments ) and yet I've realized these all just now. But y'all gotta bear with me because this post is gonna be looong. Like I mean, LONG.

Can y'all see his little smile when he says "Claire?"🥺

I think that speaks alone of how happy he is when Claire's there out of the blue. It's always nice whenever someone sees a familiar face in their work place. Especially if that familiar face doesn't work in the same place as him and that familiar face is someone he trusts a lot.

I'm sure Leon's expression here means they're comfortable with each other. At least they are. They trust each other and most importantly they support each other. I'm not saying they act like lovers but this could lead to something more than just ordinary friends. Best friend? Could be. Lovers? This also could happen and has lots of potentials since in RE2 REMAKE, he also flirts with her. And it's very obvious that Claire is also into him A LOT ( honestly, who doesn't? ). That fence scene is one helluva big hit, ahem 👀

Anyway, back to Infinite Darkness, I legit screamed that Capcom gives this subtle hint. Maybe I was blinded by my excitement the first time I saw the newest trailer so I didn't realize it. But yeah, homeboy actually smiles genuinely when he calls her name. His expression is like he can't believe she's really there in front of him. NOT TO MENTION HIS HEAD NOD WHEN HE SAYS HER NAME🥺

NGL, I thought I was tripping when I first saw it. I thought I was blinded by my Cleon obsession so my eyes tricked me🤣. I replayed the scene backward again and again and again (I didn't regret it ofc).

But yes, dear God, my eyes didn't trick me and this is real😭😭. I WAS SO FREAKING HAPPY YET I WAS SHOCKED. I had to pause the trailer to find the right moment to screen capture it.

Beside, c'mon y'all. When's the last time Leon smiles genuinely to a woman that's not Claire? Yeah he smiles to lots of women. BUT it's always a smirk or a teasing one. Never once a genuine smile. But not to Claire. He always genuinely smiles at her. In Re2Make, Darkside Chronicles, even in Degeneration.

Hell, Degeneration is full of Cleon moment even though they only share several scenes together. I'll talk about this in different post so keep your eyes on it!

Look at his left hand. LOOK AT IT.

I can assure y'all that this is not because of inertia ( one of physics law which makes our body move because of a sudden stop ). Leon is also not gonna grab the damn document in Claire's hand. That's not a gesture someone would make if that were the case.

I'm not sure but to me it feels like he wants to shake her hand? Or maybe hugging her or grab her shoulder? It looks like it because his arm stops mid-air as if he has another intention to her. Not just because he stops in front of her. It's such an awkward movement if there isn't any reason behind it. So, at least, there must be one. I could be wrong or I probably read it too much tho so I leave it to your own interpretation.

Homeboy wanna say something else

Homeboy with infinite hair wants a conversation 100%. IMO, Leon clearly wants to say something else to Claire but for whatever reason, he chooses not to. Dammit Leon. His body language and the way he doesn't break his eye contact with Claire says it all. There's this moment of silence before he says "don't do anything stupid" to her. And by looking at his expression, it's clear that he has something on his mind but decides to keep it to himself in the end. This is more emphasized by the way his mouth opens a little bit while he slightly leans to Claire. If y'all want more, his face after he tells Claire to not do something reckless clearly states that he actually wants to continue their convo but he has another obligation he needs to fulfill. His smiling face before he goes is like saying "Look, believe me I want to keep talking to you. But you know the drill and how it goes. I'm sorry, Claire. Gotta run. It's great seeing your face tho"

FURTHERMORE, the fact that he says "don't do anything stupid" to her speaks that he actually knows her well and how she is as a person. He knows what lengths Claire is willing to go to prevent another outbreak. He telling her not to be reckless means he cares about her. If he's not, he can just say "gotta go" to her and that's it. But no. He didn't do that even tho it's clear that he's in a rush.

Claire teases him and he smiles back at her

Believe me or not but if y'all see his face closely, he actually does respond to her by smiling before it cuts to "A Netflix Original Anime Series" text. Damn Capcom always gives us the subtle hints. And again, I didn't realize this at the first because it only plays for a brief moment.

Yup. Thank me later because I'm not done yet🤣

THIS

Can we talk that Leon practically jumps and runs on a collapsing bridge? Not to mention, there's a pool of acid below it. Homeboy really gives it all out.

I just love the fact that Capcom highlights this scene before it cuts to Resident Evil Infinite Darkness title text. Like it's something so dramatic.

Want something more?

This

AND FINALLY THIS

THESE SUBTLE HINTS ARE GOING TO SEND ME TO MY DEATH. CAPCOM DON'T FREAKING TEASE US LET THEM BE TOGETHER FOR PETE'S SAKE!

Anyway, reason why I ship both of them together is because their relationship is always based on trust. Leon is always sincere to Claire everytime they meet. And it seems like at the end of the day, Claire will always be the person he trusts no matter what. They have such a natural and healthy relationship. Claire never lies to him and has shown great concern to him several times in RE 2 REMAKE. On the other hand, Leon too has shown his concern of her in Degeneration. But let's continue that in other post.

I know this post is veryyy looooong. Please don't mind me because they're my otp for a very long goddamn time, dammit🤣

I lost count of it.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk✨

[tinyboxxtink]

"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 8*

Chapter 7

Chapter 9

I know, I wait almost 4 days and now you gotta go through this bullshit. I can already hear your cries of anguish and suffering.

I love it so much. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

That being said I promise regular chapters for the rest of the week! Okay I don't promise but I promise to do my best.

Note: Alright it's a fanfic people, alternate universes and all that. So you know what we're saying that all the Carisi sisters are younger, and Sonny was the big bro. Kay? I can't deal with all the continuity stuff.

Tag List

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@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

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@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

------------------------

Sonny was watching TV with Amanda when his phone went off. He paused the movie and answered the phone:

“Barba it’s kinda late--”

“What's wrong with your cousin?” he flatly said.

“Excuse me?” Sonny asked. “What kind of question is that?”

“Just answer the question, Carisi,” Barba insisted.

“Well it's a loaded question, Barba.” Sonny replied.

“Okay then just answer me this,” Barba sighed. “Why did I come back to my apartment to find her halfway through my once full bottle of vodka and pouting on the couch. Oh, after she had gone through all of my things of course,”

“Aw shit,” Sonny muttered under his breath. “That's kind of on me, Barba,”

“One second babe,” He muttered to Amanda, while he got up and went into his kitchen.

“Babe?” Barba asked.

“It’s just Rollins,” Sonny dismissed it.

“So you have feelings for me, but you’re fucking Rollins?” He asked in a snarky tone.

“What, are you jealous or somethin’ Barba?” Sonny smirked.

“No, don’t be stupid,” Rafael rolled his eyes. “Why is it on you?” He changed the subject.

“I should have never filled her head with doubts and suspicions and then sent her back to your place; when I should have known that you would keep a full bar in your apartment,” Sonny sighed as he ran his hands through his hair.

“Well of course I would keep a stocked bar in my apartment Sonny, I entertain people and I'm a grown man,” Rafael scoffed.

“Yeah, again it's on me,” Sonny repeated.

“Okay so what is wrong with your cousin?” Rafael asked.

“I think that pretty much answers it, don't you think?” Sonny asked in a “duh” tone.

“... I see,” Rafael glanced at his bedroom door wearily.

“Where is she now? Did you send her away? Please tell me you didn't send her away,” Sonny begged.

“No I didn't send her away, she's sleeping it off in my bedroom,” He got up and walked to his bedroom door. “I didn't want to just kick her out because she was upset. I'm not that big of a dick,” He whispered as he watched you sleep. You looked so calm and peaceful, that’s the girl he remembered.

“ You know, this should probably be better explained in person,” Sonny walked back into his living room where Amanda glanced over at him. He motioned for her to get her stuff together.

“Can I come over?”

“Yeah okay, not like I have anything else to do,'' he rolled his eyes as he shut his bedroom door and walked back to his living room.

--------------.

Sonny showed up to Rafael's apartment with a loaded head and a semi heavy conscience. He knocked on the door and Rafael let him inside.

“Okay so what kind of long story is this,” Rafael asked while he poured himself a glass of scotch. He noticed Sonny giving him a weird look.

“What? It's not like she's in here now,” he rolled his eyes.

“True,” He nodded. “Do you have beer?”

“Yes, dark or light?” Rafael made a disgusted face while he asked. He couldn't stand the taste of beer but he always had it on him just in case he had barbarians over such as Sonny.

“Shiner Bock, if you have it,” Sonny requested. Rafael nodded as he went into his ‘party fridge’ and handed him one before sitting on the couch across from him.

“Alright so where do I start?” Sonny thought out loud.

“Well I guess first of all I wanted to say I don’t wanna say I told you so, but this is exactly why I didn't want you and Y/N to get involved in the first place. It had nothing to do with my feelings for you. It’s because I know that you tend to keep relationships with guys and girls chill and casual, but Y/N is a special case and special to me,”

“Yeah.. I wish you had expressed that before,” Rafael groaned.

Well what was I supposed to say in front of her, Barba? ‘Oh hey by the way, you probably shouldn't get involved with my trainwreck of a cousin? Sonny asked defensively.

“Maybe? I don’t know…” Rafael sighed as he put his head in his hands.

“Look, Rafael,” Sonny put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not like she’s some kinda degenerate junkie,”

“Oh well, that’s great--” He started to roll his eyes.

“I’m serious Rafael!” He pounded the table.

“Okay okay, I’m sorry Sonny,” He finally used his first name, trying to be as soft with him as possible. He could see how much you meant to him, and it was really endearing. “Go ahead,”

“Alright,” Sonny sighed, ready to tell your life story. You would probably kill him later for it, but there was no hiding your...issues now, he might as well get the whole context.

“Well, first of all-- her dad died before she was born, overdose,” He began. “Then she was stuck with her junkie mother, my auntie. Who by the way at this point, nobody had heard from in years,” He took a sip of beer.

“So anyways,” He began again. “One day, she showed up at my mom’s doorstep with Y/N, and told her that she can’t take care of Y/N, or that she didn’t want to,” He sighed. “She was three years old by then, I don’t even wanna think about what happened before then,”

“Jesus…” Rafael muttered.

“I was eight years old at the time, my sisters were even younger. My mom and dad had enough on their plate with just us. So, I kinda took her under my wing,” He went on.

“We became so close, she wanted to go by “Sunny” just so she could be like me. I told her it would be confusing for the two of us, so I called her Sunshine, Sunny for short. That way if I’m calling her sunny, then obviously it’s not myself,” He chuckled. To this day, he still called you Sunshine.

“But as she grew up, she just...kinda had a rough go. She didn’t really interact with kids her own age, she was really defensive and untrusting with anybody but me. Not even my parents. And then we got the call that her mother died, and it ripped me up inside to see her body at the funeral. It was so fucked up, she was so fucked up. That’s why I-- I think something really bad happened to her when she was with her mother, Rafael. Like-- really, bad.

“Fuck..." Rafael muttered while glancing at his bedroom door. He didn't want to imagine what you had been through at such a young age. He wanted to run in his room right now and just hold you, but he kept his composure.

“So then I went off to college when she was ten years old, just about to start junior high. She begged me to stay, but I told her she had a good family and that my parents and sisters loved her as much as I did, and to stay out of trouble. But...kids are cruel. They made her harder, and harder. Without me there to be her-- I dunno, her guiding light or her-- protector, she just kinda fell into a bad crowd by the time high school rolled around,” He sighed while taking another swig of beer.

“...Right,” Rafael nodded.

“So when i came home from school my mom told me she was going to kick Sunny out. I asked her why, and she went on and on about how she had gotten in with these local girls who were like, I dunno some kinda girl gang, and they’d knock over liquor stores and then get drunk and stoned. She said she was never around anyway, unless it was to steal money out of her purse; And she just didn’t wanna deal with her anymore,”

“...But she was only fifteen at the time,” Rafael was stunned.

“Yeah, and that’s what I told her!” Sonny exclaimed. “Look Barba my mom is the salt of the earth, but like I said she had a lot on her plate and my dad wasn’t around a lot-- and she had three other daughters to watch out for,”

“Three of her OWN daughters,” Rafael clarified with a judgmental tone.

“HEY,” Sonny warned. “I know how it sounds. And maybe-- maybe you’re right, maybe that’s why she washed her hands clean of Sunny. Because she was just a by-product of her fucked up sister. But I-- I’m not gonna condemn her for it. And you sure as hell don’t get to judge her,”

“You’re right,” Rafael nodded while sipping his scotch.

“So I took Sunny in,” Sonny finished his beer as he wrapped up his story. “I took her in while I went through the police academy. I made sure she got sober, quit hangin’ out with those girls, I got her to do well in school, hell I got her to graduate high school!”

“And…?” Rafael pressed.

“...And when I started bouncing around precincts, she was finally a productive member of society so she started living on her own. She had a few jobs, but never really going anywhere. So once I got placed here in SVU and started making better money, I started helping her out with rent and her car, as long as she promised to start going to community college. Which she agreed to because she really does wanna make something of herself,” He half smiled thinking about how far you had come and how proud he was to call you his cousin now. You were so full of life with dreams and ambitions he never saw in you as a scared little kid.

“Okay so-- how does all of this lead to what happened tonight?” Rafael leaned back and crossed his arms.

“Because she’s still an addict, Barba!” Sonny tried not to yell, but didn’t understand why Rafael was still so flippant about you.

“Just because she got her life together-- I got her life together, doesn’t mean that she just got ‘better’. She’s on a daily see-saw of sobriety. I do weekly ‘drop ins’ just to check on her. It’s gotten a lot better as time goes on, and the less and less I worry about her, but--” He took a breath and looked at the floor.

“....Deep down she’s still that little girl with all of her walls and her distrust. She doesn’t have friends, I really don’t think she’s ever had a stable ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend,’ I mean she-- she doesn’t, talk to people,” He paused before looking up and into Rafael’s eyes.

“...Which is why it has been yankin' my chain tryin’ to figure out just why in God’s name she was so-- open, to you,” He finally admitted. “She’s never been that close to anybody else but me, not in her entire life,”

“Wait,” Rafael put a finger up. “So...you haven’t actually been jealous of Y/N this whole time, you’ve been jealous of me?” He half laughed.

“I mean, it’s a little of both,” He shrugged with a small smile, able to joke about his feelings now. “But I meant what I said when I first got here, I know the main thing that Y/N needs in her life right now is stability. And you-- you are not stable, in the least,”

“Oh I’m the unstable one?” Rafael raised an eyebrow.

“Relationship wise, yeah,” Sonny pointed out.

“....Fair point,” Rafael nodded as he finished off his scotch. He knew the longest relationship he had ever had was with the cute barista he saw every morning who knew how to make his coffee just right. And that relationship only took him five minutes a day to maintain.

“So…” Sonny knocked Rafael from his thoughts.

“So...what?” Rafael quirked an eyebrow.

“So, I think that--” Sonny took a deep breath, knowing you might hate him for this. But it was for the best, and it needed to be said.

“I think that if you care anything about her, or me for that matter, that you let me take her home, and forget about this whole weekend,”

“....I mean…” Rafael rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't want to let you go. Well, he didn't want to let go of the girl he had met at Forlini's. The girl who made him laugh, who he could be his true self around, the girl he might---

“Look the bottom line here Barba is that Y/N is-- a lot of work. I should know, I’ve been taking care of her for 19 years. But I don’t mind it, because I love her more than anything else in this world. Well, her and the rest of my family. But still-- I love her,” Sonny now stood up.

“And I get that you like her, but she--- she has gotten way too serious about you way too fast, and way too hard. And this?” He gestured around the room, referring to the whole night. “This ain’t even the tip of the iceberg with her, if she’s really fallen off the wagon,”

“...God dammit,” Rafael stood up and began to pace in his living room. He thought about every single second he had spent with you since he met you; you had never seemed so...broken, as Sonny was describing you.

“What I’m saying is, unless you’re ready to-- ‘deal’ with her, and everything that comes with that, please for the love of God, just walk away now,” Sonny pleaded.

“Because she won’t listen to me if I tell her to stay away from you. And if things get too ‘real’ for you, you’re just gonna freak out or-- or get bored, and throw her away. Her self worth will drop to shit. And if that happens, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get her back from that,”

“I would never just throw her away, Carisi,” Rafael rolled his eyes.

“You can’t say that, Barba,” Sonny debated.

“And why the hell not?” Rafael narrowed his eyes.

“Because you’ve never NOT just ‘thrown away’ someone,” He chuckled. “That front door might as well be a garbage chute,”

“You son of a--” Rafael started to yell at him but Sonny cut him off.

“Tell me I’m wrong, Barba. Look me in the eyes and tell me I have no idea what I’m talking about, and I’ll leave here and let you deal with her the way you want to,” Sonny looked at him pensively. Rafael looked at him for several seconds, then softened his glare into a sad concession.

“....Take her,” He muttered softly while looking at the ground.

“Thank you,” Sonny mumbled softly as he turned to go retrieve your passed out self from the bedroom. However, he was instead met with the most unsettling sight:

You were standing in the doorway of the room, glaring at the two of them.

“...H-Hey, Sunshine--” Sonny tried to appease you with an awkward smile.

“Don’t,” You growled, stomping into the living room and began packing your bag.

“Y/N, what are you--” Rafael went to put a hand on your bag but you snatched it away before you shot fire out of your eyes into his gaze.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I misunderstand what you just said?” You barked at him with tears in your eyes. “Because I’m pretty damn sure I heard ‘take her’. You know like I’m some sort of defective Amazon package,”

“That’s not what I meant---” He softly spoke, the guilt of his words being heard by you was quickly eating him alive.

“No I know what you meant, Rafael,” You zipped your duffel shut angrily.

“I heard the whole god damn spiel. Which, by the way, thank you so much for detailing my entire little sob story, cousin,” You glared at Sonny as you started walking towards the front door, shoulder checking him.

“But neither of you have to worry about anything anymore, okay? You’re released from your ‘duties’. This trainwreck is leaving the station, so you can relax,” You looked at the both of them with pain in your eyes, tears cracking your words.

“Sunshine--” Sonny started after you.

“DON’T,” You glared at him while putting a finger up. “Don’t ever call me that again,”

“At least let me drive you home--”

“No,” You shook your head. “And you know what, cuz? I didn’t realize I was such a financial burden, so you know what? Cut me off. Because I’d rather be homeless again than take any more money from you,”

“What did I do?!” Sonny was now angry. “All I did was come over and try to protect you, that’s it!”

“I don’t need your protection!” You screamed. “This whole time...this whole time, I thought you were proud of me. That you trusted me,”

“I do trust you--”

“You don’t!” You stomped your foot while tears streamed down your face. “Y-You think that if . one single thing like a boy not liking me is gonna set me off, like I’m some kind of bomb you’ve kept from detonating for years. My life is not your responsibility anymore, Sonny! I don’t think it ever was!”

“Well who’s else was it gonna be?!”

“NOBODY’S!!!!” You finally dropped your duffel bag and kicked the wall, leaning your head against it. You were strangely quiet for a long pause before you spoke again in an eerily calm voice.

“...Do you know why my mother “dropped me off’ with your mother?”

“Because she couldn’t take care of you--”

“No I heard what you said,” You sniffled with a sad smile. “Because she didn’t want to,”

“Sunshine--”

“But leaving me with your mother, was her plan b,” You cut him off, still looking at the floor.

“What do you mean?” Sonny asked cautiously while looking at Rafael who had a terrified look in his eyes.

“She didn’t want to ‘burden’ her sister with me, but she had to when I wouldn’t die,”

“...W-What?” Rafael almost choked on the words in disbelief.

“She tried to smother me with a pillow, but I wouldn’t die. I kept screaming and crying, and I guess it touched her strand of humanity, so she stopped,” You rolled your eyes with the same sad smile.

That memory was forever imprinted in your brain. The terror of being woken up in blackness, unable to breathe. The smell of the cigarette smoke covered pillow being shoved into your throat and nostrils. Your mother crying and telling you it would be over soon, just to let go. And finally her sad, pathetic whimpers and sobs when she finally lifted the pillow from you, disappointed in herself that she couldn’t do one good thing in her life. That now she was going to have to pass you, her problem, onto her sister.

“Y/N, baby girl--” Sonny stepped towards you again.

“I wasn’t supposed to be raised by anybody, Sonny. I’m not even supposed to be alive!” You stomped your foot again while tears continued to flow.

“That’s not true!” He ran over and grabbed you in a hug. “You are not a burden,”

“Really?” You laughed sarcastically into his shoulder as you pushed him away from the hug. “You just said your mom didn’t even want to deal with me. Nobody did,”

“I did!” He argued. “I do,”

“Yeah well, maybe I’m my mother’s daughter. I don’t wanna be your burden,” You picked up the duffel and opened the door.

“Okay well you have no choice in that so you’re gonna have to let that go,” Sonny grabbed your hand before you could walk away.

“Fine,” You finally conceded with a blank expression.

“Guess I’ll just have to let a lot of things go, won’t I?” Your voice cracked as you looked at Rafael one more time with the saddest eyes.

He stared back at you with a stone cold face. He wanted so badly just to go and hold you in his arms, telling you how you didn’t deserve any of what happened to you, and that you deserved everything good and all the love in the world. But Sonny’s pleas were still in his head.

He didn’t know if he wanted the responsibility of your entire self worth and happiness, let alone your sobriety on his shoulders. He didn’t even like to get close to clients with that many issues, the pressure was too much. So instead he just stood there, trying not to show how much this was killing him, sending you away like this.

“Come on Sunshine, just-- let’s go, okay?” Sonny pleaded with you softly, pulling at your hand. You didn’t answer, you just nodded and started walking down the hallway towards the elevator, leaving Sonny at the door.

“...Thank you, Barba,” He mumbled softly, nodding at Rafael. Rafael barely nodded back before Sonny closed the door.

As soon as it was closed, Rafael dropped on his knees and began to cry. He didn’t know why exactly, was he crying because he felt horrible for all the shit you had gone through? Was he angry at himself for not being able to get over his own bullshit to actually open up and care about someone for more than a week? Was he really that big of a hypocrite, showing empathy to clients all the time but shutting out the one person he felt he might-- he couldn’t even think it. He wouldn’t let himself think it. He just composed himself and poured another scotch while turning on the TV, trying to forget what just happened.

His NETFLIX menu popped up; it asked him if he wanted to continue watching Bojack Horseman. He closed his eyes and muttered obscenities in spanish while memories of the night before flooded his brain, making him cry angry tears once more. He finally decided just to go to bed, maybe his brain would release him from torture if he could turn it off.

He wasn’t sure he could ever turn it off now.

[livvie-love-nikki]

Dawn Front Faction Poll Results

Before I get to the results, I just want to say thank you to everyone who participated in the poll! There were 105 total responses and 81 answers for the second question which is so much more than I actually expected!

(My own commentary on the results will look like this)

Poll Results

Shade’s/Flynn’s and Kimi’s (Tied at 36.2%, 38 votes each)

Nidhogg’s (11.4%, 12 votes)

Orlando’s (9.5%, 10 votes)

Bai Yongxi’s, Louie’s, and Reid’s (Tied at 1.9%, 2 votes each)

Zhu Yuxian’s (1%, 1 vote)

(Shade took an early lead, then Kimi passed him, then he passed her, then she tied it up… wild)

Night Order (50.5%, 53 votes)

Dawn Wings (49.5%, 52 votes)

Responses

(I will not be including all of the responses for Shade and Kimi because they had a lot. Also this entire poll was for fun, so don’t take these responses seriously)

Shade’s/Flynn’s

“Looked neat when I first started playing before I knew who was who and I'm too lazy to switch”

“Because Gray Raven wasn't available and Shade always wins.”

“They took out Grey Raven's faction ( :( ) and I don't have a Big Opinion on the others. And Flynn is attractive, with an interesting past, and I just vibe with villains, so hey, why not, right?”

“I want to win = more resources, fangirls strong, biggest faction I'm sorry Kimi”

“I am gay”

“i’m a simp (and i wanna win)”

“I wanted the extra resources for winning and he's by far the most likable of the Bastard Squad™”

“Shade” (fair enough)

“Night order usually wins and I am a slut for victory, plus shade is aesthetically attractive and is one of the few Night Order members that doesn’t inspire visceral rage. I did feel kinda bad for betraying Kimi though :/”

“I think it will be super fun and dramatic when Shade remembers who he is and joins dawn guard as Flynn and I want to be there for the whole journey” (I like the way you think)

“bc I'm love him. sorry.” (don’t be sorry, you’re valid)

Kimi’s

“Lesbian!”

“i will stan kimi for the lesbians until the day i die”

“lesbian solidarity duh”

“lesbianism“ (this exact answer came up 3 times)

“I’m gay”

“she's best. also she is a lesbian. yes these r connected“ 

“kinnie obligation” 

“kimi gae and me gae so we can be gae together”

“She's the only girl.”

“I'm so torn because I can only choose one. And also it's like, I would pick shade or Orlando's but only if they were on the same team </3 so I must choose best girl kimi” 

“i chose her last time so i could betray, and wanted to stick with her, cause i like her and tbh i don't really understand these events i'm just vibing”

“I'm very gay and it's what Nikki Dressupqueen would want” (it’s exactly what she would want)

“Cause I felt bad for siding with Shade for the easy win. Kimi deserves better.” 

Nidhogg’s

“I’m a simp ✌️”

“I don't really care about the story and I'm not invested in the characters, but Nidhogg being a murderer was the first time I took any interest in the plot so he sticks out to me.its just really funny that in this game where dressing up solves your problems there's a murderous evil dictator running around?”

“Because 1) Even though I hate Nidhogg his coat is sickening 2) Evil guys win everytime and we need more ppl on Nidhogg.” 

“i miss my wife tails”

“Ozeca hot” (do it for her!)

“Bc im a degenerate and i stan nidhogg (doesnt hurt that he hasnt lost once)”

“Nidhogg is hot and husbando tbh”

Orlando’s

“I’m a simp ✊😔 Yeah, I just have the bad habit of just choosing my fave without thinking about consequences” 

“Because he's one of my favorite characters and it finally looks like he might have a chance of winning. Also I don't intend to get any of the suits but I do like some specific pieces that I don't need that much currency for.”

“cuz yvette is not here” 

“I just think he's neat lol”

“Joined Kimi too many times already and Orlando deserves some love after that one hell event in which he maybe died (or not idk,); also he has a cat”

“betrayal diamonds and also i like orlando”

“He has a cat” (supporting Mr. Lancelot is such a valid reason)

Bai Yongxi’s

(none of them answered, which is a shame because I was curious)

Louie’s

“I like Dawn Wings but Kimi has no chance” (yeah... you underestimated Nidhogg)

Reid’s

“he's hot i'm sorry” (the only person who chose Reid brave enough to answer, I respect your honesty)

Zhu Yuxian’s

“I have no obligation to answer this whatsoever.” (fine then, keep your secrets)

Again, a big thank you to everyone who answered!

[mjstral]

Michiko and Dazai as University students ft. Oda, Kazuko and Robyn.

Just another way to procrastinate my responsabilities ;)) enjoy!

• these two are the first to wonder what the heck they are doing there;

• if Dazai has a developed intellect on his side, Michiko doesn't even have that;

• this girl's desire to study is absolutely non-existent, indeed, it’s not wrong to say that she hates doing it for the contempt she has for judgments and institutions, but the choice to attend the University paradoxically stems from the love for philosophy and from the curiosity to throw herself into new experiences;

• "I can always quit";

• and believe me, she’s this close 🤏🏻 from doing it;

• she spend a lot of time at the bar to the point that she has made friends with the bartender;

• she also spends a lot of time in front of the machines gulping down hot chocolate and snacks with dubious vitamin complexes;

• not to mention that she loves crashing Oda's lessons;

•"are there any questions?";

• "if a shark and a bear fought who would win?";

• "Michiko, you shouldn't be here.";

• she knows every corner of the campus, even the most remote one that she have had the opportunity to explore during the breaks between one course and another;

• as for Dazai, when people ask him why he chose to enroll at the University - given that he spends his days idling - the answer, promptly, is "they didn't take me to be a stripper because I was too handsome to their fees.";

• actually Oda asked him duh;

• at the beginning it was almost a game for him, then he decided to continue pushed by his best friend and ended up becoming fond of the university environment;

• even tho he spends most of his time lazing around, in the library, wandering around campus, flirting with some pretty girls and so on;

• and yet guess who passes all the exams without opening a book?

• certainly not me;

• but let's move on to serious things;

• Michiko and Dazai meet thanks to Oda;

• the eldest had offered to supervise the girl with the help teaching of the course in philosophy applied to the Plotic Sciences and although Dazai didn’t really need it, Oda proposed him to participate;

• "mhh I have to check my agenda, you know, I'm a very busy man.";

• "who do you have to go out with this time?"

• at the end he showed up;

• "What kind of friend would I be if I didn't allow you to take advantage of my vast knowledge on the subject?";

• "..."

• "..."

• "..."

• "Okay you caught me, it's for the educational credits."

• Michiko showed up quite late;

• "Sorry I'm late.";

• "don't worry, you had other courses I guess.";

• "no, actually I didn't want to come, then I remembered the educational credits.";

• at this point Oda began to seriously re-evaluate his life choices, while Dazai burst out laughing;

• the help teaching went by without any philosopher being really named, thanks to Michiko and Dazai for this;

• however Oda is so patient that he proposed another meeting while I propose to erect a statue in his honor;

• after this episode Michiko and Dazai continued to meet by chance, in the corridors, in the campus gardens and so on until, between a joke and a chat, they became inseparable;

• their chaotic deeds don’t stray in the least from the canonical ones alias the whole University knows their names;

• they do a lot of stupid challenges, especially at the canteen;

• "I believe this chicken has been genetically engineered and cooked with nuclear waste. If I threw it against the wall it would probably melt it."

• "Are you daring me to try?"

• "Maybe."

• other than starting a war on food they never managed to break a wall;

• no walls have been mistreated in drawing up this headcanon;

• the courses in common are few since Dazai is a year later, but the concomitant ones are spent scribbling in notebooks - and then on the face because obviously things always degenerate a lot please help them;

• they take long walks on campus accompanied by profound speeches;

• and then on Friday evening they go into an ethyl coma for all the alcohol drunk;

• sometimes Kazuko tries to motivate Michiko to study, obviously fails;

• "Michiko come on, it's not even that much";

• at which point Michiko bangs her head on the table complaining;

• her friend would convince her to study at least two pages, but it wouldn't last long because Dazai and Robyn would arrive;

• "hey, cigarette break?";

• goodbye Michiko's nonexistent concentration;

• and probably goodbye Dazai and Robyn; 

• do you also want the romantic aspect?

• obviously you want it;

• between the two it is Dazai who declares himself;

• rather than declaring himself in reality, he begins to send allusions and make jokes;

• that Michiko doesn't understand my god how stupid she is-

• fact: she just pretends not to understand why this girl is  t e r r i f i e d  from abandonment, so she avoids any circumstance that could involve her in any emotional relationship;

• the only people who have managed to evade her security systems are Kazuko, Oda, Robyn and Dazai;

• only that Dazai is what he is, that is a boy of dubious fidelity;

• Michiko always thought that as long as they were friends everything would be fine;

• only that she then she fell in love with him;

• and he apparently reciprocates her;

• panik because she doesn't know if he really likes her or her mind is showing her what she would like to see aaaaaaaAAAAAAAA;

• self-confidence lvl OP they told me;

• but in any case after an agonizing slowburn both finally end up accepting the fact that sowing chaos on campus is not the only thing they want to do together;

• if you know what I mean;

• however, and here I am sorry to disappoint you, the declaration is rather ridiculous than being romantic;

• it all happens while they are trying to study in one of the groves on campus;

• Dazai doesn't stop looking at her and Michiko is like "??? I know that rather than studying even a worm could be extremely stimulating to your eyes, but would you mind stop staring at me?";

• at this point Dazai says "you know, we should go out together sometimes";

• yes, out of the blue because this man is unpredictable;

• and in fact Michiko is all ohmygodpanikwhatareyousayingokayimin;

• "Why? I mean... I don't blame you if you want to go out with me but... I thought you were going to ask that girl in Moral class, she really looked like your type."

• "yes she is very beautiful, but I ended up in love with another girl, a brown haired one, perhaps with curly hair, prone to make bad figures, completely out of her mind, with a disproportionate love for sugars, short, lazy, anaffective, false modest, with a vast repertoire of squalid jokes, abandonment and inferiority complexes... ";

• seeing Michiko face he begins to laugh a lot;

• for the record, saying 'she would strike him with her eyes' would be a diminutive;

• after a short silence she finally begins elegantly;

• "I warn you: I'll break your legs if you'll ever break my heart";

• pfff okay cupcake;

• Dazai smiles getting closer and closer to her until he is an inch away from her lips;

• "If I broke your heart it wouldn't be a problem. By now you have mine."

• "oh please just shut up and kiss me".

• yeah kiss her you coward!!!!

• in conclusion, your honor, they chaotic but cute.

Robyn Reeves belongs to @robynreeves aaaaaaaaaa hi ily

[starkii]

sunny tumblr stans are almost as annoying and ignorant as reddit ones, like i dont understand why you're even watching this show if you don't get how it works? "Oh they treated x topic badly and x character badly about x trauma" like???? duh. exactly that's the whole point. they're terrible people who do terrible things!! "they think mac is good representation" he actually is tho, like he's just a terrible asshole who is also gay, it's better than when writers don't give a gay character any flaws because they fear bring seen as homophobic. "they(rcg) think brown face is funny" it is funny?(I'm brown😒) in that it's a horrible terrible parody of a minority and the fact that these characters would do this and think it's okay is ridiculous and shows how degenerate and ignorant they are. and it's funny to watch people be that stupid and terrible. I would think it was funny irl too due to the sheer audacity before I suckerpunched a bitch for even daring. idek whatever, rant over.