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secret-engima · 5 years ago

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Random Besithia-centric Future’s Blurry HCs

I’m having fun picturing the differences between Glaucus’s Besithia and canon Besithia like whoo-

-Does in fact develop moral fiber from repeated exposure to Ardyn and Glaucus and from Glaucus’s iron-tight rules on What To Not Do. Sure, it’s got a lot more grey area than most people’s, but it’s THERE and he does in fact follow it religiously. If something is over his little mental moral line he WILL NOT CROSS, even if his line is several yards farther back than most people’s so to speak.

-Is unaware he has moral fiber now for a while.

-Is extremely insulted the day he realizes that he just went on a professional ethics rant that would have made him the laughingstock of a Nif college. That this means he has MORALS that aren’t just following Glaucus’s rules for his own continued wellbeing.

-Stomps over to Glaucus, flops down like a spoiled child in the nearest chair and hisses “You- YOU. You have INFECTED ME.”

-Glaucus just blinks at him, vaguely bemused and concerned until Besithia flings his hands in the air and wails, “I HAVE MORALS NOW. I hate them. They get in the way of Science™ but I can’t ignore them anymore!” Then he gets up and stomps away leaving a wheezing from laughter Glaucus and a very confused Regis behind.

-Is ironically the Team Little Sibling despite Titus being Actually Younger. Why?

-He keeps wandering off and getting into trouble for Science™.

-Is 100% the type to do the Iroh quote of “delicious tea? Or deadly poison?” And then follow it up with “I must analyze in the lab” because he’s not looking for the tea he’s looking for something deadly to experiment with.

-Will go off and Poke the nearest Deadly Creature just to study and record the response.

-Titus is forever growling over the Science Idiot. They fight like cats and dogs but whenever Besithia goes to do something Dumb for Science™, Titus is right there on Glaucus’s heels to rescue him.

-Will go on science rants for hOURS. It’s actually the best way to keep him distracted/contained to one area and out of everyone’s hair.

-Ardyn still has zero idea what is coming out of Besithia’s mouth most of the time, but by the time Prompto is born, Ardyn has perfected the art of picking out the keywords in the rambles and then parroting them back when Besithia starts to wind down in an agreeably questioning tone that sets Besithia off again. So like, Besithia will be complaining on why the Vaccine No Worky yet, needing to vent over his frustrations, and Ardyn will wait until Besithia has stopped for a few seconds to breathe before parroting, “The gene sequencing?” and he may have no idea what that means but it seems to be important because off Besithia goes again for another hour.

-At this point baby Prompto’s earliest memory of his science dad is going to be all the Science Rambles that lull him to sleep.

-I’m having a hysterical time picturing G!Besithia and the others learning of the canon Besithia’s shenanigans SOMEHOW and G!Besithia is just.

-H O R R I F I E D.

-LIKE.

-He’s been studying the Starscourge for YEARS at this point with the express purpose of curing it, he’s seen all the nasty stuff it does and learned the Importance of Anti-Infection Protocols and YES, he’s always had a minor obsession with daemons, but Glaucus got to him early enough that the obsession turned away from “would like to make them and be one” to “would like to know them inside out so I can absolutely demolish them with a vaccine and prove how awesome I am”.

-And then he learns of another him that ... that thinks INFECTING MACHINERY is a good idea? THAT CLONING HUMANS AND MAKING THEM INTO MIASMA TO POWER MACHINES IS A GOOD PLAN???

-WHERE IS THIS TRAVESTY OF A SCIENTIST. LET BESITHIA SHOOT HIM.

-And while this is not gonna be canon, I am still picturing the moment of pure dysphoria Glaucus feels watching his Besithia rant about the stupidity of canon Besithia, about how there is no assured way of keeping the MT units from malfunctioning and turning on people, how no suit would be completely airtight as well as combat mobile so that means infection is LEAKING EVERYWHERE on a microscopic level, and also it’s so STUPID to go to all the resources and trouble of cloning humans only to infect them into miasma JUST USE MAGITEK CORES IT’S SO MUCH CHEAPER AND WON’T INFECT ALL YOUR SCIENTISTS AND CITIZENS AND PERSONNEL BY THE SIX WHAT WAS OTHER HIM THINKING-.

-Nobody tell this Besithia that canon Besithia wanted to turn HIMSELF into a magitek core. This Besithia may genuinely blow a gasket from screaming in impotent fury at the stupidity.

-*faint screaming in the distance as Besithia flees to the depths of his lab to swear without Prompto overhearing* IF YOU ARE A GIANT METAL PLAGUE WORM HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PERFORM MORE EXPERIMENTS. AND WHO IS GOING TO RUN MAINTENANCE ON YOUR GIANT, EXPENSIVE, HIGHLY PRONE TO MALFUNCTION WORM FORM. MORON.

-Is addicted to bad anime. Especially bad science fiction anime. Will happily spend hours mocking and nitpicking the science of the world-building until someone forgets to enforce his sleeping schedule and Glaucus shows up in the morning to find Besithia surrounded by about two dozen cans of Monster, electro-static hair, 2 AM bags under his eyes, cackling like a drunken lunatic over the Impossible Sci-Fi toy he’s just recreated.

-Has invented a lightsaber.

-Gave it to Titus as a birthday present after pulling five all-nighters post the Star Wars movie night that gave Besithia the idea. Glaucus was Not Happy™ that his Murder Child now had a LASER SWORD. Has since been forbidden to make another (still made one for Glaucus for his birthday too, but that was it, Cor was So. Jealous.).

-Has also come up with plans for a warp gate, but after Glaucus heard about this and the fact that failure of the warp gate would fracture the planet, has since been banned from finishing the project and all his notes were confiscated.

-Is very attached to his Idiots. No touchy. People who mess with his People tend to disappear. Glaucus would suspect scientific experimentation and abduction, but he oversaw the building of the lab and knows there is no secret room to put them.

-Still. Glaucus has his Suspicions™.

-Can, Has, and Will come up with all sorts of horrible ways to kill people who mess with His Idiots. Do not think he is a nice person to everyone. It’s only to his Idiots and their respective families/loved ones/lovable pests. Everyone else, as far as Besithia is concerned, can either leave him alone or Perish in some excruciating, science way.

-Is, in general, a really wacky mix between lovable science moron and deadly terrifying mad scientist. Depends on where you fall in his levels of attachment.

#Secret Engima Rambles #The Future's Blurry (the Past is Trap) verse #verstael besithia #ffxv au

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infj-zen · 4 years ago

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#GetSorted challenge

#GetSorted from mbti-sorted

Okay, for interest’s sake I’m going to answer a few of these questions in writing. It’s almost midnight, we’ve been in COVID-19 lockdown for a while now and I don’t look camera ready.

Actually, that’s an excuse.

I would not go on camera even if there were no pandemic.

To everyone who does the video challenge, congratulations on your bravery.

So, here goes...

Tell us about a teacher or a coach who left a big impression on you. I had a longstanding EFSJ music teacher who would probably be considered charismatic, dominant, driven, hot-tempered, sometimes extremely funny. She emphasized repetition so that all her students had as close to perfect technique as possible. You were not allowed to have any input into her methods and students with a lot of opinions usually left or were asked to leave. She was very good at teaching the way she taught and for some students her methods worked particularly well. I learned that I did not like learning by repetition and did not retain as much that way. However, by subjugating my own preferences I was forced to address my weaknesses. Maybe it resulted in personal growth in terms of seeing the value of repetition in developing physical technique, muscle memory, and the memorization of music. I think it would have helped to also have combined the emphasis on repetition with explanations of the history and theory of the music in order to more fully understand and retain what I had learned. I also learned how to be self-effacing when I needed to be and not to insert ego or opinions where they were not wanted when I later had bosses with similar personality traits. I learned to be more selective and to actively try and put myself in long-term situations where I would be learning/working in the ways most conducive to me. Besides this learning experience, I had some really amazing science and English teachers in later years of high school and university. These were mostly ENTPs along with a few ENFPs and ENTJs. I found the ENTJs often had the most clear explanations for complex subjects. The best ENTP teachers were often very personally considerate and good at explaining things in ways that were easily understandable to me; I was good at synthesizing their ideas. The ENFPs were probably more smooth speakers and yet somewhat less easy to follow for me (they probably also addressed weakness in how I learned, for example, by not always explaining what they wanted super clearly beforehand; learning was a lot of trial and error; we did a lot of acting and oral presentations in class; Ne and Te make for a different way of thinking theoretically, of connecting ideas and facts).

What was your favourite subject in school and did you pursue it as a career? English and Chemistry. I pursued English in University and probably would have gone into Chemistry otherwise. However, I then realized I liked researching as an activity more than actually doing all that academic English involved and ended up studying and working in social sciences - somewhere I never considered when I was younger. A background in literature and writing is generally useful in the various jobs I’ve had though.

Do you have any athletic injuries and how did you get them? Yes, tendonitis from dancing (repetitive jumping and landing on the ball of the foot). This was as a child and it was not permanent.

Do you believe in any supernatural phenomena? No, but I can imagine a lot.

Tell us about a recurring conflict with a family member. Probably the most recent common recurring conflict revolves around being in a conversation with ‘a family member’ who is not listening and responding appropriately. For example, I am talking and ‘a family member’ to whom I am speaking responds by addressing something that takes on a totally different issue from that which I just referenced. Is the listening fine and the responding not? Is the listening poor and the responding good? Are both the listening and the responding off? Is my articulation poor? Is it mind manipulation?

What character do you identify with the most and why? The closest thing I’ve seen on screen is probably Caroline Turing in Person of Interest. Episode 23, Season 1 of POI features an INFJ actress playing something very close to an INFJ psychologist. Her mannerisms, speech patterns and interactions with her ISTP co-star (playing an ISTP former-military-guy-acting-as-a-patient-to-save-her-from-hitmen) are pretty realistic. Unfortunately, her real character, Samantha Groves aka Root, a serial killer for hire is only pretending to be Caroline Turing in order to gain access to the ISTP’s INTJ computer genius boss (played by an INTJ) and his AI surveillance system. So, the portrayal of this character only lasts for one episode.

How many languages do you speak? Is English your first language? If it isn’t, answer a question in your native language (please summarize it after in English!). Two. English (native speaker) and French.

What advice would you give to your younger self and what would they think of where you are now? Would you warn them about anything? Maybe just that what fields you enjoy studying in and working in may end up being different areas. In terms of having better job prospects, I might advise my younger self to study a subject like software engineering (which I didn’t have a lot of knowledge of or exposure to through our high school education system). That might be very useful in finding a fulfilling job now or in complementing the degree or field I went into. Also, I was extremely driven when I was younger and I would probably advise myself to take school more slowly, less courses at a time, more time to focus on course work, and generally to manage things in a way that resulted in less burnout.

Do you people-gather? (If you’re unsure, ask others in your group(s) if they’re there because of you.) How many groups do you belong to, and what do you think of this? Not so much for the people-gathering. I do not join a lot of groups. Usually, when I do, it is because I got dragged into it by someone charismatic and friendly. I often stay with the group for a relatively lengthy period. I end up feeling highly committed out of a sense of loyalty to the recruiter/group. At some point I end up leaving the group (often involves physically moving away to justify) and having a sense of extreme burnout when the mention of joining anything similar comes up.

Are you passionate about your career? Tell us about it. Sort of. I went into my career with the idea that I would have less chance of burnout if I went into something I was dispassionate about. For example, less interaction with people (using Fe) and more paperwork (using Ni and Ti). Some of my jobs have involved a lot of customer service and the use of Fe all day was overstimulating and emotionally draining. The best jobs so far involved working at a desk 9-5 and basically using a lot of Ni and Ti while organizing information in systems. This felt like meditating; I would achieve a zen-like state and feel energized afterwards. I would not say I was passionate about the nature of the work but the zen-like feeling was nice. In terms of being passionate, I think I might prefer a job that involved more of a research component. I think I would like to feel more challenged, to learn a lot of new things every day. However, I would not like to be in a career that feels too passionate for really long periods of time, or in a high-stress environment that would result in burnout. I would like more of a balance. You can always find hobbies you are passionate about on the side.

Which holiday brings you the least joy? Labour Day. The thought of going back to school or work ruins it.

Are you a heartbreaker or a heartbreak-ee? 50-50.

What is your dream car? Or if you aren’t into cars, what piece of technology do you dream of owning? I really like my laptop.

Would you rather make a lot of money at a job you hate or do a job you love that keeps you below the poverty line? I would rather have a job I love that keeps me below the poverty line because I don’t spend a lot. However, I would not like to have a job that keeps me way below the poverty line, because then I would feel used and would start to hate the job that kept me so much below the poverty line.

Do you collect anything? Other than information gathering, not really. The idea of accumulating large quantities of physical items and taking care of all of them sounds like a lot to think about or unnecessary stress.

Have you ever had any alternative career paths/life gameplans? Do you wish you had taken another path in retrospect? Sure. Chemistry or Software Engingeering looked interesting and probably would have helped in the job market, even in combination with the field I’m in. That way, my skills might have been more of a focus than personality, career-wise.

Do you have a good sense of direction? How do you navigate (when you can’t rely on GPS)? Do you navigate new places/buildings the same way you navigate your home town/familiar buildings? Is your sense of time better or worse than your sense of direction? No, I do not have a good sense of direction. Mbti-sorted is the only person I know whose sense of direction is worse than mine. And that only applies when walking somewhere. When driving somewhere, she has a better sense of direction. I am decent but not excellent with maps, professionally made and drawn by me. With a place I know well, I just walk around without thinking much. Usually it’s okay. Sometimes, I’m surprised to be lost in a place I thought familiar. With new places, I usually plan ahead. I study maps, bring them with me, compare the map with the physical reality around me for similarities and differences, get upset by perceived inaccuracies, visualize the layout of the land if the land and the map were flipped in different directions, try and detect logical patterns in street layouts and names, I try and remember locations of importance and what they look like, directions between key starting points and destinations, and I take down numbers for taxis in case of failure. Sometimes I walk new streets rather than drive in order to actively experience routes more slowly and have time to memorize them better. My sense of time is okay but not great. I feel the need to meet deadlines. I remember I used to rush to classes at the last minute for school, but I guess I did feel the need to get there on time. I have learned to avoid rushing, to be more responsible and set alarms and to carry a cell phone with a clock around with me to arrive on time and often early for important events. Probably my sense of time is better than my sense of direction.

Credit to Temple Grandin for this question: if I tell you to think of a church steeple, what’s happening inside your head? (You could also talk about a clock tower, or a water tower, or a minaret - something you are familiar with, but have less personal connection to works best.) I immediately thought of a white, aluminum sided cube topped by a black pyramid with light blue sky in the background. My mind was adverse to or somehow felt it unnecessary to think beyond that.

Would you be unable or unwilling to answer any of these questions? Which? No, in that I answered all the questions. I guess I did so in writing and was unwilling to answer them on video. I think you can almost always figure out how to phrase things in a way that is acceptable to you in writing. Yes, in as much as message is affected by medium.

C. ANSWER THESE THREE QUESTIONS (30 seconds):

How much preparation did you do before making this video? If you have an interviewer, did you pick the questions or did they? Who decided to do it that way? A bit / no interviewer / me

What type do you think you are? INFJ

In 1-3 adjectives, describe how you think others see you. Calm and conscientious (from collegues and acquaintances), scrappy (from family).

#mbti #infj #getsorted

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matildaisautisticandproud · 5 years ago

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April 8th - 30 Days of Autism Acceptance

April 8: What are some misconceptions/stereotypes about autism that you hate?

1. People with autism don’t want friends. Albeit this might be true to some, this isn’t true to all. Most autistics, I’ve found, want to have more friends, but either don’t know how to go about befriending people and/or people don’t want to spend time with them. Personally, for years, I always longed to have a friend who got me and that I could be open with. (I struggled to actually be myself around people my whole life and still do.) My roommate, Missy, is that friend now, but you don’t know how lonely it is going through grade school without a best friend.

Lots of other girls had besties and many of my friends had friends that they shared their most darkest secrets with; they were super close to each other. Since I didn’t know how to go about forming that connection and I am generally a reserved person, I never had that friend and it was painful. I wanted a best friend, but I didn’t know how to establish a strong connection, maintain it, and most people thought I was “weird” and didn’t really want to be my friend.

I don’t mean to throw my own pity party by saying this, but I was the person who others would one day make me feel on top of the world by including me, but then, would distance themselves once they were done with me and make me feel terrible. This constant cycle of inclusion and exclusion, interest and disinterest, was really damaging to younger me. It frustrated me and made me think the reason I couldn’t have a close, good friend was because there was something wrong with me. (There’s never something wrong with you (unless you’re a murderer or that of the like). It’s society who is in the wrong for tossing aside such a beautiful human being.)

2. People with autism can’t feel or express emotion. This statement is 100% false. By saying this, people are invalidating the emotions of autistics, which is never okay. It is true that many on the spectrum have the inability to recognize their own emotions and/or don’t express their emotions as “normal” people do, but we still have feelings. Just recently, I have gotten better at identifying what I’m feeling, but I’m still not adroit with it. Also, I think that I feel a lot more deeply that those not on the spectrum, as do many autistics. Because I don’t really express my emotions, I’ve had people say that I seem “emotionless” and “robotic” all throughout my life. I never did and still don’t think much of it; it’s just how I am.

I get scared, sad, furious, elated, and more. Just because I don’t express my emotions in a way you can understand doesn’t mean I don’t have them. My body language is just different. (Also, I’ve learned to internalize all my emotions and grievances so, no body really knows what’s going on in my head.)

3. All autistics are just like [insert name here]. As I’ve stated numerous times before, the nature of ASD is that no two manifestations of it are exactly the same. Two autistic people may share similar experiences and struggles, but autism still affects them at least slightly differently.

4. Autistics can’t understand the emotions of others and are apathetic. Many autistics actually experience “too” much empathy. Some are apathetic, but as are some people who aren’t on the spectrum. Everyone is susceptible to being apathetic.

5. An autistic person has only struggles; they’re just their autism. Yes, autism is a key part of every autistic’s life, but it is not the only aspect of who we are. I think people should focus more on what a child can do than what they can’t, overall. Sure, Mark may not be able to handle going to the mall due to overstimulation, but he is especially skilled in painting. People should focus less on faults and flaws. Just focusing on such things will make life drab and miserable; plus, people as a whole are more than just their struggles.

6. People can grow out of autism, and it is only present in children. I, along with many others, are proof that this is false. I dislike how the struggles of adults (with and without autism, ADHD, and other disorders) are ignored in society. Not all problems go away with adulthood; it isn’t some cure all.

7. “There wasn’t all this autism/ADHD/etc. stuff back in my day so, it can’t be real.” These disorders are very much real. Perhaps the numbers have been increasing, but maybe there has just been a decrease in ignorance and an increase in compassion and acceptance. Also, diagnosing has gotten much easier, and since there is more knowledge available (i.e. the Internet) than ever before, people can self-screen and then determine whether or not to be tested. The only reason I am diagnosed is because I took the time to research different disorders via the Internet and decided to get professionally evaluated.

8. “Autism is caused by one thing.” Whether this “thing” be vaccines, a gene mutation, bad parenting, trauma, etc., this statement has been proven false by science. When studying the cause of autism, scientists have found that in one person, one gene could be the contributor to the person’s autism while in another, it’s a combination of several genes. The cause is unknown, but bad parenting has been debunked. However, there is evidence to suggest that the presence of heavy metals within a person’s system may be a possible cause. (Numerous children with autism have been found to have high levels of heavy metals within their body.)

As for the vaccine statement, it is unknown whether or not they do or don’t cause autism. There was a study carried out with the goal of proving or disproving the claim, but since the data was skewed, the results are invalid. I don’t necessarily support the claim, but there is not enough evidence for either side of the argument for me to take a side. I am a neutral in this debate. Though, I don’t believe that one should risk the death of their child just because they’d rather not have an autistic child. We’re not that bad; several parents love having an autistic child.

9. Autism only affects the brain. Again, I and many others are living proof that this claim is false. Many people with autism have co-occurring conditions like allergies, food sensitivities, gastrointestinal disorders, and epilepsy. Personally, I have numerous food sensitivities and gastrointestinal issues. I haven’t gotten a name as to what is wrong with my digestive system, but I do know there is a problem given what I experience on a daily basis.

10. All autistics are intellectually disabled. All statements that start with “all autistics” are automatically false. Even if the claim doesn’t pertain to autism itself (i.e. a political belief), autistics, like other people, have their own sets of beliefs and their own lifestyles. We’re human just like you; all that’s different is how our brains are wired and the struggles we endure.

To combat this claim, many autistics have a normal to high IQ level and can excel in school. There are those who have lower IQs, but they still can excel. One’s potential to be great isn’t dictated by IQ or a disability (or an ability and/or advantage for that matter).

11. Autistic people are great at STEM (Science Technology Engineering Math) classes. No. Although I especially excel with math and loved Algebra and Calculus, not everyone does. Some of us are great when it comes to STEM courses, but others of us struggle. Not all of us are even remotely interested in STEM, as well. Some of us prefer the arts, labor-intensive activities (i.e. construction), et cetera. We all have our different strong suits.

12. All autistics are savants. Some are, some aren’t. Although we all have special interests, most aren’t savants, actually. I don’t know where I fall when it comes to being a savant or not, but I’m not some super-genius. I didn’t invent some new scientific thing when I was 12 nor did I make a groundbreaking discovery. I do want to do something great with my future career, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be worthy of stardom and fame or be labeled as a savant.

The one thing I dislike is how people dismiss the existence of savants because they hate the stereotype. Autistic savants do exist, as do non-autistic savants, and saying that they don’t is harmful. Stereotypes come from somewhere, right? Savants exist and they deserve representation and appreciation too.

13. Autistic people don’t have relationships and moments of intimacy. Yes, they do. I personally don’t want a relationship right now nor do I want to engage in such intimate acts, but others do.

14. Autism kills marriages. This myth was made widespread by the infamous organization Autism $peaks. Sure, it may end some marriages, but why marry someone who is autistic then? If you truly loved the person then, you would accept them, autism and all.

15. Nonverbal autistics are all intellectually disabled. Although some are, not all are. A handful are highly intelligent. Autism isn’t a one size fits all thing.

16. Autistic people can’t do anything on their own/will never be independent. Some autistics won’t be able to be independent, but not all. Others don’t need any support while some, like me, need minimal support. People with all sorts of aid requirements exist on the autism spectrum. Each of us needs differing levels of support; also, especially so if one also has a chronic illness, some days I will be able to be completely independent, but the next day I may need lots of external support.

17. Having an autistic child is a tragedy. Yes, autism does make things more challenging, but there’s a silver lining in it. Like every other child, autistics are capable of great things and have talents. If people would just look past the struggles, label, and faults then, they’ll see an amazing person who isn’t just a diagnosis, but a fully fledged human being.

18. Autistic people are just rude. On honesty, we are not trying to be rude when saying the truth. In our brains, it is something that is acceptable to say. Many of us thrive on being honest as our brains tend to rely on logic more than anything else. By pointing out the size of your nose, we’re not trying to be rude. Personally, I don’t really struggle with being too honest, but sometimes I do say things aloud that shouldn’t be said. I just think of it as uttering an observation; I have no rude intents. When I am trying to be rude, you will know XD.

On conversational difficulties, it’s not that we don’t want to talk to you, it’s that we don’t know how to continue and/or initiate conversations. Not all autistics struggle a lot when it comes to social communication, but some do. Those who do, we just don’t know how to go about conversing “as normal”. We can’t help it. We’re not being rude. I struggle to continue and start conversations, which has led to many people thinking that I don’t like them. If you want to have a proper, lengthy conversation with me then, you have to start it and be able to keep it going.

On eye contact, we don’t mean to seem rude by not looking you in the eye when talking. For me, maintaining eye contact is distracting, which means that my focus is being directed away from what you’re saying, making me not able to adequately listen to you. Some autistics have little to no problems with eye contact.

19. “You don’t have to stim. Therefore, you’re just doing it to annoy me.” For me, it takes a lot of courage for me to feel comfortable with stimming around you. So, by ridiculing me for doing something that soothes me, you’re furthering my insecurity about it and hurting me. People who stim do it to self-soothe and to regulate themselves. Would you rather I shutdown (go nonverbal), experience sensory overload, or even have a meltdown? I don’t think so. Let people stim. Some of us don’t stim, but it is a lifeline for some of us.

20. “You don’t look autistic.” Well, riddle me this: What does autism look like to you? Apparently, we have completely different views on what an autistic person looks like. For me, an autistic person is anyone (a friend, neighbor, family member, student, teacher etc.) from any walk of life of any religion, lifestyle, culture, etc. The “autism look” is the generic person to me. Is there a specific way we should look, though? Please tell me more about your vision of how an autistic person outwardly appears.

I could go on about this subject for hours, but I’ll stop myself here. If you want me to debunk more myths and/or react to certain common sayings/stereotypes then, please leave a message in my ask box. I really, really, really! want to write more about this topic.

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kaibacorpintern · 5 years ago

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Hehehe 1, 5, 11 for Nerdship (🙏) and 22, 28, 45 for prideship OR rivalship 😎

I want to do RIVAL

22. Does their work ever interfere with the relationship?

Yes, because of course Kaiba is obsessive, preoccupied, and works too much, he’ll get out of bed at 3 AM to go work on something just because he can’t sleep and why waste the time? AND I’ve thought about the scenarios in which Yuugi works for Kaiba Corp and they end up dating, but, and I can’t stress this enough, (cups hands around mouth) DATING YOUR BOSS IS A BAD IDEA, professionally, legally, etc. And as much as Kaiba ~ does what he wants, it’s his company ~ and as much as Yuugi is decidedly not a doormat, I can’t get over my personal reservations to the concept.

But every once in a while I toy with the idea that Yuugi’s working for Kaiba Corp and they DO start to feel things for each other, but it can’t go anywhere unless he finds a new job, and he’s sort of bristling under Kaiba Corp’s corporate structure/corporate culture anyway, so he finds an excellent position at an indie start-up gaming studio run by an ex-Kaiba Corp game designer who left for the same reasons (lol), and Kaiba is just so! annoyed! that two of his best game people just up and left to work for not him. But now he and Yuugi are completely free to KISS.

28. What are their vacations like?

Kaiba loves to spoil and Yuugi likes to explore, and they’re both cosmopolitan, which is how they end up renting apartments in cities like Barcelona or Moscow or Istanbul for one or two weeks at a time, eating extremely well, and spending six hours in an art museum. One of the rare times when Kaiba is entirely happy to let Yuugi take the lead, because he has a nose for discovery and always ends up finding neat little bookstores or cafes off the beaten path and befriending the locals. And while Kaiba is not about befriending random strangers (or anyone), he’s more than comfortable just nursing his coffee and listening while Yuugi, who is a complete natural, chats up the couple next to them and gets the hot deets on a weekly locals-only flea market.

45. Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets?

Reeeeeealistically I think Yuugi might be a little, hm, on edge/insecure about how much Kaiba connects with and loves Atem, and Kaiba likewise; but it can and should be cleared up with some communication about what they all mean to each other. Like, in a rivalshipping situation where Atem is dead, Yuugi might worry that he’s some kind of replacement or bizarre way to Get Atem Back, and Kaiba has to explain that he isn’t; and in a situation where Atem isn’t dead, he’s still their best friend and they both have a lot of feelings for him and about him. And I think they would both have to be conscientious and deliberate in how they say “I love him and I love you, but I chose YOU, and the love I have for you is different and meaningful all on its own.”

BUT LET’S DO SOME DREAMS AND GOALS: i think yuugi is a little more gung-ho (annoying?) about trying to make kaiba part of the squad, because friends are important to him and he’d love to see everyone be friends with each other, and kaiba’s like, “i’m never going to be friends with your friends the way you want me to be and you have to accept that, and i will participate in weekly D&D only if I get to DM.” he’s a tyrant but he runs a hell of a game.

oh and they adopt a cat who loves yuugi more than kaiba unless its 4 AM and then she’s on kaiba’s shoulders while he burns the midnight oil.

your nerdship is under the cut ;)

1. How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals?

WORKAHOLICS!!!!! They will simply fall asleep on each other’s shoulders on the couch until hermione wakes up out of nowhere at 1 AM and shakes seto’s shoulder that it’s freakin’ time to go to BED. and they’re both morning people, so while she’s in the shower, he starts the coffee and lays out the Daily Prophet for her in the breakfast nook because presentation and attention to detail are important.

5. Nicknames? Pet names? Any in-jokes?

I can’t imagine either of them as nickname/pet name people, “mokie” not withstanding, so they don’t have cute pet names for each other. But they have deeply esoteric and weird inside jokes that no one else understands, mostly about science and magical theory, and Hermione just has to be like, “oh, sure. It’s just like Newton said” about any random garbage to make Seto choke on his drink with laughter.

11. Do they celebrate holidays? Anniversaries?

The usual holidays, for family reasons; and neither of them find anniversaries all thaaaaat important, although Seto is secretly a leetle sentimental and likes to send flowers to her office on occasion.

#rivalshipping #nerdshipping

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stinawilson · 5 years ago

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Am bored..so i'mma do this random test..(retrieved after aeons)

cA/N: i don’t know how and why this was into my drafts for so long but..

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ～『✧~*ABOUT YOU*~✧』 1. Are you more feminine or masculine?

tomboy even if sometimes my feminine side comes out

2. Are you tall or short?

i’m.. 170cm (probably 5′7?)

3. What’s your favorite color?

above all blue. then black,green,white,red.

4. What do you love about yourself?

personality speaking: idk.. probably i’m somewhat funny as i don’t take myself seriously?

physically speaking: eyes maybe?

5. What’s your greatest flaw?

i don’t let my anger coming out when it should be coming out,therefore i literally stress the shit outtame and then explode.

6. Do you see yourself differently than other people describe you?

i wish i could have the invisibility thing in order to find out how people would describe me,then i’ll tell

7. What are you really, really good at?

erm, i don’t know? probably sleeping?

8. What’s something you’re bad at, but love?

making music/writing lyrics?drawing?

9. What’s something people have tried to force you to do?

COLLEGE. yep.

10. How do you spend your free time?

it depends on my mood. usually sleeping,listening to music,watching movies/anime/tv shows

11. Describe the way you dress in one sentence.

my best friend yesterday just told me that “you have a very unique yet variegated way you dress” - this when we got across a shop which on the shop case was shown some lumberjack shirts and then somehow i told her “hey i do wear lumberjack shirts sometimes”

12. Have you ever gotten your nails professionally painted?

nope.

13. What is the most insulting thing anyone has said to you?

oh the list is too long. probably i’m sticking the one concerning about my body. meh

14. Favorite game?

Tekken 3?

15. What color is your hair?

currently:

45%black

40%dark blonde

10%green

5%white (yep .__.)

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ～『✧~*PHILOSOPHY*~✧』

16. Do you believe in god?

not at all actually.

17. Is men’s rights a thing?

more to define “men’s rights” i believe in equal rights for all. let alone the “men vs women” or “straight vs gay”.

18. Does love really exist?

i do believe it.

19. Can science explain everything, eventually?

probably,yes.

20. Are we raised into what we love, or do we come to love it based on how we were raised?

this question would take a pretty much long time to give an appropriate answer

21. How do you feel about the school system?

concerning on what i’ve got through, i think this is not actually satisfiying or sort of in terms of personal knowledge. it should be revised.

22. Do you believe in fate/destiny?

yes

23. What is art?

again.. this question would take a pretty much long time to answer.. probably i’d say.. UNIQUENESS?

24. Do we define ourselves, or does our past?

sometimes our past define us but we can choose to live with it or getting better

25. What happens after we die?

on one hand i think of the reincarnation-rebirth thing but i do believe more that after we die, it’s just empty. nothing.

26. Do humans matter--tiny specs on a floating piece of rock in a solar27. system in a galaxy in an infinite universe?

(??)

28. Is there good in everyone?

i still hope somehow there’s good in everyone and i would believe that totally but.. unfortunately i’m more shocked to find somebody who’s real good

29. Does apathy really exist?

yes

29. Is human life only valuable because our society makes it?

sort of?

30. How do you feel about society, the vague “they” blamed for everything?

society sucks. period.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ～『✧~*LOVEY-DOVEY PREFERENCE STUFF*~✧』 31. What gender do you prefer?

well.. so far i always got male crushes/boyfriends but if there are any women who would have a crush on me and dares to tell me,i mean..why not

32. What’s the first thing you notice about someone?

personality speaking: character overall in general

physically speaking: eyes

33. Could you love someone you found ugly?

again.. ugly.. i believe everybody in their own way is beautiful. then if you would have done a sort of comparison between my exes.. let’s just say i loved people who were “good looking” and as well as “ugly”

(i hate “-” everysingle time)

34. Favorite hair color?

blonde hair *coughs *

35. Favorite eye color? blue eyes *coughs again *

36. Ideal height?

i dated shorter guys as well as tall guys so.. not much of a difference to me. i hate wearing heels soo hahahah

37. Describe, personality-wise, what your ideal boy/girlfriend would be like?

nice,well-mannered,funny,caring,witty,loyal..again a bit of long story

would have my similar tastes but as well as different ones

38. Describe, appearance-wise, what your ideal boy/girlfriend would be like?

as i stated before.. blonde hair,blue eyes are like the favorite combo. but i also dated black hair+green eyes and blonde/chestnut brown+brown eyes

then as for “looks” i’m like a mixture of casual rock-metal-punk-nerd woman so probably somehow similar to this

39. What do you look for--brains or looks?

brains first. looks can be deceiving sometimes

40. Could you fall in love online?

i had tried that Tinder/Bumblebee sort of crap. not for me.

41. How much of an age cap can you handle?

well..i hit the record of 11 years gap i believe.. but again.. it depends on each cases or sort of

42. How would you introduce yourself on a blind date?

it depends on what kind of blind date is this. i mean like blind dates in shop: never did that. blind dates online (tinder) : generally i read about the interests and if i find something that catches my eye, probably i’ll introduce myself with something related on that

43. Could you forgive a cheater?

nope. never

44. Is lying about something serious as bad as cheating?

again, it depends on the situation. question’s a bit vague.

45. Right now, you could call the person you like/love (if you aren’t dating/engaged/married already), or show up at their front door, and just confess or kiss them or whatever. What’s stopping you

not wanting to go into details but...

“person °1″ - he has yet to literally grow his balls out and gives the middle finger a bit to his parents and quite a bit growing out of confidence.

“person °2″ - well.. awkwardly speaking, basically a whole life apart and haven’t got any chance to meet up like “normal people” like living in the same city/country. Aand of course this leads to the obvious stopping matter that this person is (gladly) happily married and had a family already..

meh i’m somewhat boring

#random questions #too much time to post this

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really-sleep-deprived-nerd · 6 years ago

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Sanders Sides The Librarians AU

The Library is a magical building that houses mythical artifacts and books. One would say they have everything, but some artifacts were lost after their creation or simply thought lost and impossible to find, and that’s without adding the fact that new magical artifacts can and sometimes are created every day.

Probably should say that “magic building” means that it exists as an infinite plane between our reality and the void and that it has a sort of “conscience”, since it’s the building itself that chooses the people that will become Librarians and Guardians.

Those who work at the Library (Librarians, Guardians, Caretakers and Custodians) become infused by the magic of the Library, and they take that into the world with them. If the connection is severed, humanity will be cut adrift from learning, curiosity, investigation, knowledge and wisdom.

Likewise, it is dependent upon the ones that work at the Library having belief in it, in order to maintain a physical presence. If that belief destroyed or otherwise broken, the Library ceases to exist.

Librarians have the job of search for and retrieve the artifacts, the job of protecting the world of the next magical apocalypse, protecting it from evil and greed taking over. They protect the library and the magic and knowledge linked to it.

Guardians protect the librarians, but not only as a sort of bodyguard, because the most important job of the guardian is protecting the librarians’ soul. They keep them sane and make sure they don’t become consumed by evil and greed.

Caretakers and custodians they are quite hard to explain, so I think I will leave it as they are immortal humans (???) that live/stay at the library. They know where the things are inside the library (Well, where most of the things are) and they do the common librarian job (Keep inventory of the things they have, accountability, etc.)

Librarians: Roman, Patton, Logan and Damián (Deceit)

Guardian: Virgil

Caretakers/Custodians: Emile, Thomas and Remy

(The rest under the cut because this got long)

(They are in the order they started working for The Library)

Emile, Thomas and Remy

Emile and Thomas are the original librarian and original guardian.

They are as old as the library itself, but since they are connected to its magic they became immortal.

This two are probably the only “competent adults” around, if we are being honest. As I said, they keep things working.

Remy is Morpheous, the Greek god of sleep and dreams.

Remy spends most of his time outside the library but pops in from time to time to annoy the hell out of Thomas, shamelessly flirt with Emile and check in the library and how everyone is doing.

He likes to think of himself of the “guardian deity” of the library but in reality he is more of a cute and friendly stray dog that the librarians found and they couldn’t kick out because they felt bad.

He makes a killer coffee though.

It took Remy 300 years of flirting and spending time together, but he became Emile´s boyfriend

He is not sure how he did it and is very surprised he hasn't fucked up the relationship yet, but there isn't much Remy can do to “Fuck it up”. Emile has lived a long time, he is patient and kind and hopelessly in love with the godly idiot.

Roman Palacios

He worked alone for about five years.

He had a guardian but he died while protecting him. This destroyed Roman, because the guardian wasn't just his guardian, it was his boyfriend too.

After quite some years of librarianing alone he became a brave, reckless and badass explorer!

He is the one with the most experience but that doesn’t mean he’s never more than two steps away from panic at any moment and is pretty much in a state of perpetual mild-to-severe terror.

He loves the job but he is perfectly aware of how dangerous it is, and after the others join the library he becomes a bigger mom-friend than Virgil, which is pretty damn difficult, as Virgil´s entire purpose is to keep all of them from getting themselves killed. (Virgil is grateful for the help and finds it charming that this cute dramatic nerd cares so much about his friends)

Roman in his time in the library, managed to befriend Excalibur, after learning that Cal is surprisingly smart and snarky for a magic object that cannot speak (Yes, as in “Arthur´s sword” Excalibur. The thing is very much magical and very much sentient)

Excalibur teached Roman how to sword fight.

Speaking of Excalibur, it took Roman two years to befriend the sword while it took Virgil less than a day. Roman is both offended and impressed

His first impression of Virgil was something like this:

“Why the fuck is this tiny edgy looking emo a guardian. He won't last a day”

Two days later it became:

“Strong,,,charming,,,,edgy bastard,,,Im,,,,WAY more gay than I suspected,,,”

Virgil Storm

Exercising helps him calm his anxiety, so since he was little he did a lot of things: Boxing, ballet and judo, to name a few.

So now that he is older he is a Strong Boy that has the physical ability and muscles to knock you out without breaking a sweat while still having a heart of gold under all his sass.

And that's the reason the library chose him to protect their new bunch of idiots- I mean, librarians.

The first time he met Roman, the librarian joked “And remember, you aren't allowed to fall in love with me”

“That won't be a problem” Virgil said grinning

Ah, but two days later:

“therE IS A PROBLEM”

His relationship with Roman is “Oh, he is insufferable. I love him”

The ultimate mom-friend

He is the only one here that has just a bit of common sense and he swears one of these days the librarians will give him a heart attack

Since he started working in the library he befriended a few gargoyles and the chupacabra

Patton Medina, Damián “Dee” Jones (Deceit) and Logan Stone

Patton is an art and architecture expert, author of scholarly works on history, art and architecture in his spare time. He can speak fluently speak 10 languages, 3 of which are dead ones and he is decent at at least other 5

Damián is a tech expert and world-class professional thief. There isn't a lock or puzzle he can't get past.

Logan is a maths and science expert, with a love for chemistry and physics. He is an actual genius and can mentally solve any equation you put in front of him

The three of them working together make One Good Librarian, the library knew this and that's why they all got called and hired the same day

Dee, despite being the best thief to have ever graced the earth, has a good heart.

He is just very bad at this “friends” thing. He grew up alone in not the best of places.

“But he is a thief!!”

Yes, but I never said he kept the things he stole.

He sold everything he stole and gave the money away, keeping the bare minimum to buy food and pay rent in the tiniest apartment in existence.

When he stole a very rare diamond, hospitals were built. When he stole an old painting from a museum, people went to college. (You get the idea, a modern day Robin Hood)

Damián is the only Librarian in history to have befriended nessie.

Patton´s bubbly and cheery personality made his family and old “friends” think he was just a stupid airhead, despite everything he has ever accomplished.

The first time someone (Roman) called Patton a genius he literally started crying tears of joy.

All the things he published were under fake names and identities because he was scared. He thought that if not even his family would take him seriously, then no one else would.

Logan went from “I know Im smarter than everyone else” to “I am the best in what I do but that doesn't mean there isn't people smarter than me” pretty damn quickly after he started working in The Library

So basically Roman, Logan, Deceit and Patton go in magical adventures while Virgil screams in distress in the background trying to keep everyone alive and Remy and Emile stay in the library being Cute and Dorky gays. Thomas looks like a tired dad too old for this nonsense.

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intrnllyscrmngrn · 6 years ago

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Soldier’s Cold Heart

Genre: Fluff

Pairings: Jae x You

Word Count: 4.2K

Description: You’re in the military because of your medical expertise and you’re already married to Jae for 2 years yet sometimes military life gets in the way.

------

After 5 years of being in a relationship, married life was sure to come next. You and Jae are happily married, in two years at that. No children, just only the two of you.

If you're wondering what happened to the band, well they didn't disband. They still come back every now and then in the music industry. DAY6 was now a band full of professional members. Brian now owns a brand company, Dowoon is now the head of an animal rescue organization, Wonpil also owns a perfume brand, and Sungjin already has family and owns a school in Busan. Being professionals didn't stop the band to produce more music. They are known as the legendary band.

Two years of being married, yet in that short time you only saw each other for eight months. You being the most requested and the most skilled in the field of medicine, you were called in the army's medical team A LOT, spending almost your whole year serving the country and giving aids to your co-soldiers. The only time you could go home is on summer, April to May and December to January.

Jae on the other hand is already a professor in a university, teaching political science. He's a professor who is love by his students (not to mention popular to the girls, students or his co-professors) but also feared by them when giving projects, reports and tasks.

It was almost April, and you were excited to go home. As you were packing your things, you heard your phone beep indicating a message just arrived. You opened it and saw that it was from your husband.

"Can't wait for you to go home Babe. I miss you so much already ❤" The message read, you smiled. You were about to reply when another beep followed--- a snap notification. You saw a picture of him pouting holding a paper that says 'go home', you suppress your laugh as you shook your head. "Don't get too excited." You replied. You were never the type who giggles and send hearts and sweet messages. Instead, you were just… You, sending or saying something sweet, for Jae, it's almost an achievement if he receives this type of antics.

Two minutes passed and your phone beeped again, you smiled thinking it was Jae but it quickly dropped when you read the message. It was not a message, it was more of an announcement. Your presence was requested in a certain place where a sudden siege just took place. Your heart sank, the thought of not going home with an anticipating husband waiting for you, probably sitting on the couch, is heartbreaking. "I can't go home." You whispered to yourself.

You quickly dialed Jae's number. And as if on cue, Jae answered immediately, it didn't even reached the second ring. "Hey Babe~ Are you here already? Where?" He ask excitedly. You shook your head. "No."

He hummed for a second, "Soooo, why did you call--"

"I can’t go home." You immediately cut him off. You heard the other line went dead silent. Thinking that maybe the network was just bad, you waited, but even after 2 minutes or so passed, you didn't heard anything. "Jae?" You called out.

"Why?" Finally, he voices out.

You heaved a sigh. You slowly explained to why you can't go home, that it will take another 2 months or more.

"Babe, I can endure another 2 months, but you in a battlefield is another story. It's too dangerous." He commented, a hint of worry coated around his words.

"Don't worry Jae. I've been doing this for years now. I'm still alive, aren't I?” You chuckled

“It’s not funny Y/n.” Your husband whined and it made you smile.

“I'll be safe." You assured him.

"Oh God. Okay, be safe. But don't expect that I won't worry, because I will, like too much. Stay safe, please". You chuckled again. You were in service for almost 4 years yet it seems like Jae isn't use to you entering this sort of battlefield.

"I will." You said. "And while I'm gone, I hope you won't turn your head to others." You added, sounding so blank yet your face was full of tease. "Really Y/n? You're saying that now after two years of being married; not to mention with you gone for so long? Of course I won't look for others! I'm loyal, and plus I don't want your gun pointing at me." You heard him chuckled on the other line.

"Even if you would, my gun will never point at you." You softly stated.

Jae on the other hand went quiet on the other line. He was on the couch with his guitar and paper works while clutching the phone on his ear. Yes, it was just a simple phrase, but he knows there is another meaning behind it. He gently smiled. Even you're wearing this strong and brave facade, Jae knew you were soft for him, and that he is with you too. This is why your marriage didn't fell apart despite the time and distance separating both of you. Your faith and trust with each other is there. And it’s strong.

"Babe?” Jae called out.

"Yes?" You replied.

"Stay safe aryt? I'll see you in two months."

"See you in two months."

Jae again smiled. "I love you."

Two years of being married, yet you still get speechless whenever he says the three words. You are mostly emotionless, but you can't deny the giddiness that washed over you.

On the other line, Jae waited for your response while wearing this big grin. As you sigh with a smile, "Your lecture starts early tomorrow, sleep early." You said, and without wasting another minute, you responded again. "I love you too." Jae bit his lip, happy with his achievement.

"And Jae?" You called out once more.

"Hmm?"

"I miss you. Bye." And before Jae could even reply, you quickly hanged up.

Jae chuckled. "My shy soldier." He whispered to himself. It was yet another achievement for Jae. Two months is long, but he'll wait even for a century just to see your figure again.

-after two months-

"Finally after two months! You're really coming home!" He exclaimed after you picked up the call. He paired it up with a weird squealing sound that you always hear when he gets delighted or excited. "Stop the squealing Jae." You commented with a chuckle, rolling your eyes as you slowly pack your things yet again. "My bad." He said following it with a chuckle. "So when are you going home?" He asked.

"Next week." A lie. This time you just want to surprise Jae as you’re scheduled to go home later at 8pm.

"Hmm next week? Aryt~ I can manage my longing for you." He chuckled.

And after a while he said his farewell because he said he's lecture starts in a minute or two.

Packing your last clothes slowly, you heaved a sigh as you felt your upper right arm get stingy. You sighed again.

"I need to stitch it up again."

It was almost three in the morning when you arrived at your house. Wearing your bag at your left shoulder while holding your como-green jacket, you opened the front door with your spare key. Suprisingly, the house was cleaner than you thought. Removing your combat shoes, you slowly and quietly went inside your house, up to your bed room.

There you saw Jae sleeping soundly on the bed, with his acoustic guitar beside him. It seems like he fell asleep while working on their new song. You smiled. You want to hug him so much, but you also didn't want him to wake up. So you just went on with arranging your things and took the chance to change your clothes into a more comfortable one.

You took a knee length shorts that hugged your thigh and an oversize white shirt you got in the military. And as if it was in automatic, you pick one of Jae's hoodie and wore it, somehow feeling the night getting cold.

The trip back home was a good 7 hours with no stops. You heard your stomach grumble as you went down to the kitchen deciding that you should really eat before going to sleep. You grabbed two packs of ramen and placed it on the counter. 'Now I just need a pot.' You thought.

"Where is it?" You ask yourself while looking around every cabinet. When you look up, there you saw the thing that you were looking for quite some time now. It was about two feet above you, so you stood on your toes as you tried to reach the handle.

Just as you were about to grab the handle you were startled by a voice, causing the pot to slip from your grip and fall to the ground, not missing to hit your right arm. You slightly hissed at the impact. The loud clanking made you fear that your neighbors might wake up from the commotion.

"Babe?" His husky voice asked again. There you saw Jae leaning at the door frame, hands in his track pants' pocket, with his usual oversize white tee. Clearly he just got out from bed basing from his messy hair and voice. Yet he seems to be half asleep.

"What are you doing?" He yawned.

"I was about to make ramen." You replied casually, picking up the pot from the floor.

"Oh, let me do it. Just sit down and I'll do the rest." He tiredly said as he again let out another yawn.

Dragging his feet with him, he slowly went to the stove, prepared everything as you back down, and sat on a chair. You watch him work even though you know his super sleepy. You let out an amuse smile. Are there no reactions that you’re already home? Or he's just half awake that he didn't have any response? Either of that, you were still amused. How can a person look so good just cooking ramen?

After some minutes of you sitting, resting your head on the table, you saw Jae's head shaking, as if he just came back to reality. He looks around, from his right to left and then going back to looking at the pot. He tilt his head to the side and let out a faint 'tsk'. You suppress your chuckle.

"Why am I cooking ramen?" He glances at the clock. "And it's like.. 3:16?" He asked himself softly. "My sleep walking is getting worse. Gosh. Y/n should really come home soon." You heard him say again. With a soft smile you continued watching his back. "Well, I am a little hungry.." He continued stirring. But when Jae heard a light chuckle from his back, he quickly look behind just to see you raising your left hand as a greeting.

"Y/n?" He asked wide eye, facing you fully.

"Yeah?" You saw how his tired face bloomed into a delighted one.

"You’re really here? I’m not sleep walking? I’m not dreaming, right? Babe---"

"Continue making that ramen Jae."

"Copy that!"

And with a chuckle from you, he continued making the food.

Jae did really want to hug you right after seeing you, but seeing that you were just chill and cool about it, he tried suppressing his happiness, grinning from ear to ear. He got giddier when he saw you wearing his hoodie. He loves seeing you in his hoodie. It makes him feel that he really owns you, and that he already marked you as his, even after 2 years in marriage.

"Ramen's reaaddyyy~" he cooed as he prepared the table. You were about to help him, but Jae insisted you should just stay put and rest, and so you did. Your smile never left your lips as he was busy preparing, his messy hair going everywhere.

"Here you go." Jae said as he gave you your share. Digging up, you happily ate your food, but you can't deny that every time you scoop up, a stingy sensation washes over you, yet you decided to ignore the pain. Jae notices it though.

"Y/n." Jae called out.

"Hmmm?" You hummed in response, still eating.

"What’s on your arm?”

“That’s unusual, our roof is not dripping, the pipes are good, and it’s not even raining.” He got up from his seat, brows furrowed as he slowly approached you. He went to his knees as he observe the darken part of the hoodie near your right arm. "Wait.” He slowly touch your arm, hoping it’s not what he thinks it is, but when he felt you tensed up and flinched, he shot you a look. “Is this blood?”

There was no point for you to lie, you got caught red-handed. "I got a cut.”

"I doubt if that’s a ‘cut’.”

You continued observing him. His expression from curiousity to worried. He told you to strip the hoodie off, which you did. You slowly took it off, and you know by now that your wound opened up again.

"I knew it. You could have told me earlier Y/n.” For the first time in a while, you felt ashamed, which Jae took notice because you look to the left, a habit you do when you’re embarrass.

“How did this happen, Babe?" He asked with worry.

"It was a gun shot. And.." You trailed out. “A gun shot!?” He exclaimed, and let out a 'tsk' as he slowly removed the gauge from the touch of your skin; his eyes went wide when he saw how bad the wound is. It formed a little tunnel, blood slowly oozing out. "Shit. Let me get the First Aid." He quickly said, dashing up stairs. Never had he ever felt this scared and worried before. Jae didn't let a minute pass while getting the set. He quickly went to you, and crouch down to get a good view of the bloody wound. "You need to go to a doctor Y/n." He said.

"I am a doctor Jae."

Silence took over as Jae stops rummaging through the kit.

"Oh… Well..." He started, finally looking at you. "Then why don't you stitch it up?" He asked, pulling out an antiseptic, a pack of cotton, some fresh gauge and an adhesive tape. "I did, like for 2 times. I guess it opened up again when the pot fell over me." You explained.

He showered the cotton with antiseptic, reaching to your wound as it touches your skin slowly. "Why did it fell?" He asked again. "You startled me." You answered.

"Oh God, I'm sorry. Don't worry, I'll fix this. It won't be a perfect 'fix' but at least it will prevent any more damages." He said and you just nodded. He was being extra careful putting the gauge over the wound and you thought he was doing a great job just doing first aids. "This is more than enough Jae. It looks perfect. Thank you." You complimented, looking at gauge on your arm. He just smiled and stood up as he took a sit across you.

"Doesn't it hurt? I mean Babe, the wound is deep.." He opened up.

"It does. But I'm already used to this kind of pain. So I can bear."

"I'm not convinced." He said, eyes not leaving your face. You just smiled at him as you attempted to eat. Unfortunately, the big gauge that is almost covering your arm is preventing you to lift it up. Jae noticing this pulled the spoon from your grip, scoops some of the food and put it up near your mouth. You questioningly look at him. However, he just nodded at the utensil, "Eat." He said, and so you did.

Finishing your meal with the help of your husband, you stood up to get some water. The coldness of the refrigerator as you opened it made you sigh in satisfaction as it reaches your skin.

Turning around to go back to your chair, you confusingly looked at your husband who is now standing in front of you, looking down at your figure. "How can a short woman like you got inside the military?" You look up at him. "Medics and surgery." He chuckled.

You saw his hands reaching for something just to let it down to his sides again. He seems hesitant about something. Yes, you don't express your emotions that much, but you're not dense.

So without having double thoughts, you circled your arms around his waist as you leaned your head on his chest. Jae was obviously surprised, he was taken aback. For a moment there, he forgot how to breathe. His heart beating rapidly as you squeezed him lightly.

Even after those years, your hugs still give an effect.

Smiling ever so gently, he slowly hugged you back. "I miss you so much Y/n. I miss our hugs. I miss everything about you." He whispered

"Me too." You whispered back.

Jae pulled out from the hug. You, looking up at him, as he looks down at you with a lovingly stare. He smiled. "I know you're tired. Come on let's brush our teeth the sleep."

You nodded quietly, his hands reach for yours as he lightly dragged you out from the kitchen to your bedroom.

Jae immediately took Taylor out from the bed and put him in his stand. You smiled. The ticking of the clock diverted your attention to the device and your eyes widened as you saw the time. "Jae, it's already 4:30. Do you have a lecture later? Or do you have practice? God, I am so sorry for waking you up--"

"Babe, it's fine. Don't worry." He said calmly, but internally he's celebrating for your sudden outburst of worry.

8 years ago, Jae never really thought that by performing near a hospital would change his life forever. He was just performing his heart out, caught up in the fun and didn't notice that there was an open space behind him-- he fell, broke his leg in the process.

The other guys wanted to end the show because of his injury, but Jae just laughed and reassured his bandmates and his fans that he's okay and that they have to continue the show.

So without the members, he went to the hospital with a staff. Only to be assigned to an emotionless doctor—you. You never really smiled; you just keep the professional attitude. Unlike your other patients, Jae was different. He went inside your office, greeted you with a “What’s up Doc?” and took a sit. He was very peculiar. He didn’t made a face when you didn’t smiled at him, he just kept on staring at you, a stupid smile on his face.

After giving your diagnosis, you gave him a go signal for him to head out, yet he caught you off guard. “You’re pretty Doc. And you’re not even smiling.” He said. “See you around!” He continued, leaving your office.

Since then, he had been visiting you every week, or even when he’s free, and now you two are already here.

Jae chuckled at his sudden flashback, looking at you as you both finished brushing your teeth. “What are you chuckling about?” You ask him, taking a sit on your bed. “Oh, just thinking how did I got your cold ass heart back then.”

“Technically I got your heart without me even knowing.” You retorted, which Jae only gave you a big grin. “You’re such a tsundere babe, and I like it.” He winked and it made you flicked his forehead. “Ouch!” He laughingly said.

“Real cheesy Park Jaehyung.”

“Only for Mrs. Park.” You blushed, and Jae almost squealed out of joy. “Baby, you look so cute. I can’t even.” He retorted.

With a chuckle, the two of you settled in bed. “Jae, I’m always cute in your eyes.”

“Oh wow, where did you get this confidence?” You slowly turned your body to face him, and he did the same.

“From my one and only husband.” You hid your smirk as you watch Jae’s ear turning red.

“Hey, you can’t do this!” He exclaimed, covering his face with his hands. You chuckled, “I’m not even doing anything.” You calmly said.

Pulling is hands away from his face, you smiled, “Hey Jae?”

“Yes babe?” Jae scooted closer to you, placing a strand of your hair around your ear.

You wanted to be affectionate. You wanted him to know what you feel even you don’t show it too much. You wanted him to know that even when you’re away you still think of him. But the only thing you did was to hold his hand that was about to leave your face.

Jae was shock for a second but seeing you try made him soften. He slowly caresses his thumb on your cheek, feeling your warmth on his palm. “Is there a problem Y/n?” He asked, and you shook your head.

“I’m sorry.” You said, releasing his hand as you snuggled closer to him. You wrapped your arms around his torso. Jae was again shock and at the same time delighted. Again, it’s rare for you to initiate skinship. Even though he’s happy, he can’t help to be worried. He returned the hug, careful not to touch your wound. “What for?” Jae asked, as he tucked you beneath his chin.

“For making you worried and for every time I’m not beside you.” You said, hugging him more tightly.

Jae chuckled as he planted a soft kiss on your head. “It’s fine babe. But you can’t stop me from being worried you know that right?”

“I know, what more if I told you, I almost actually got shot? If it hadn’t for my comrade I would have a gunshot below my shoulders.” You heard Jae gasp a little.

“You’re right. I am more worried now.” He said and you chuckled.

“But that didn’t happen right? Now who’s that comrade of yours, so that I can properly thank him or her for saving my wife.”

“No need Jae, I might get jealous.”

Jae snickered loudly. “Whoa! So it’s a ‘her’.” He laughed and continued. “Did Mrs. Park admitted she gets jealous?”

You rolled your eyes and you imagine the big grin plastered on his face.

“Oh shut up. You get jealous even more than me.” And you heard him laugh.

“Aryt, guilty as charged.”

You and Jae were engulfed with silence. Just feeling each other’s presence.

Until you felt him pulled out from the hug, you furrowed your brows, “Y/n” he started.

“I’ve been thinking. I know you don’t really want to go out from the military. I know you love being in the field, and I can see how it excites you.” He said looking intently in your eyes.

“But you must promise me.”

“Promise what?”

“Just promise me!”

You chuckled. “Alright, alright, I promise.”

He smiled. “Good.”

But he turned serious again. “Promise me, that if you’ll get pregnant you will—Hey why are you blushing?” He said pinching your cheeks. You saw how his eyes hinted with tease.

“I’m not.”

“Is Mrs. Park embarrassed? C’mon babe, it’s not like we didn’t did it—Ow! You’re a sadist Y/n.” He said rubbing his sides where you pinched him.

“And you married that sadist.” You heard him laugh again. You will never get tired of listening to his laugh.

“I did.” The smile on his face was priceless; he lowered down to place a kiss on your forehead and he turned serious again.

“Again, promise me, when you get pregnant, you’ll resign? I know you love your work baby, but our child needs you, I also need you. Take that as a ‘hitting two birds with one stone.” He laughed. “You can still work in a hospital. I know you’re gonna get mad at me for making you choose, but you know what I mean and—“

“Jae, I love you.” You cut him off. He looked at you with eyes ever so wide. “..and I do promise that. I will resign if I will bear a child. I want you to feel what it is to raise a family with a wife beside you and I also want to raise a family with my husband beside me. We will raise our soon to be child together.”

By the time you ended your long speech, Jae was out of words and his eyes was glistening with tears. You continued. “I want to make it up to you, for all the months that I was not beside you, for all the birthdays that I missed, for all of your band’s anniversary that I missed. And for everything..” You ended. Jae went closer to you. He cupped your little face with both of his hands.

“I love you so much and God knows how much.”

He closed the distance between the both of you. Both of you felt the longing and as you pulled away to take a breath, Jae smiled at you.

“I’m so lucky to have you. And if I ever have the chance to go back to the past, I would still choose you and tame your cold heart.”

He said as he gave you another kiss. “Always.”

“I love you Park Jaehyung.”

“I love you too Mrs. Park, now let’s make that child of ours.”

You laughed, “Your lecture.”

“I can always make an excuse.” He widely grin, as he snuggled closer to you, and apparently you didn’t have a choice.

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mchalowitz · 7 years ago

Text

fic; i met the real fbi agents behind the lazarus bowl

i was so into this idea by @mulders-boyish-enthousiasm that this just spilled out of me. tagging @today-in-fic too

William pins a visitor badge to the lapel of his jacket, his hands shaking. His backpack full of equipment suddenly feels much heavier.

He leaves behind a confused guard, who had to make three phone calls to decipher where to find the X Files division and the office of Agent Fox Mulder. His childhood hero is not exactly on the tour.

For all intents and purposes, The Lazarus Bowl is a garbage piece of cinema. The sets are cheap, the acting is wooden, and the plot barely makes any sense. Its simplicity is probably why he enjoyed it so much, to the point that he would sneak into the basement after his parents went to sleep to watch the movie with violence and sexual situations every time it was on TV.

It was mind blowing to his nine year old self to find out that the Mulder and Scully from the movie were based on real people, actual FBI agents, actually named Mulder and Scully, and he immediately devoured anything he could find on them.

There wasn’t a lot to be found, really, most of it seemingly lost to time, and the advancement of technology. Much to his disappointment. The websites that followed their career closely had long stopped paying the price to keep their domain names. He found a few surviving articles, a couple posts on ancient forums under Fox Mulder’s supposed handle.

He loved their episode of Cops, watching it so many times on an old VHS recording he begged his parents to buy on eBay that the tape unwound. He actually cried that day.

His favorite novel was From Outer Space by Jose Chung, the two FBI agents in the book supposedly based on them. Aside from that, there was nothing definitive on such fascinating people.

And there should be. They were FBI agents. Who investigated paranormal crime cases. It sounded like it should be a TV show, not someone’s real life.

Discouraged from his dream to join the FBI by his overprotective parents, he jumped into another risky career by studying journalism. His fascination with Mulder and Scully developed into a general love for the mysteries of the paranormal.

He started writing about it. He went from a scrub at work, getting scrap assignments, to a popular paranormal science and conspiracy writer. He used this mild success to finally achieve his boyhood fantasy of meeting Mulder and Scully.

He rides the elevator down, too excited to recall the hesitant okay he got from his bosses at the concept. They were more responsive when he wanted to spend a night in a house supposedly filled with demons.

William takes a deep breath, tries to inhale the internal squeal at the back of his throat when he sees the nameplate on the door. Special Agent Fox Mulder. He knocks in a way that attempts to sound confident.

There’s a call from behind the door. “Yeah, it’s open.”

“Fox Mulder?”

“You’re not here to serve me papers, are you?” William shakes his head. “Then yes.”

“I’m William Van De Kamp, we’ve been emailing.” There’s no flash of recognition in the older man’s eyes. “We were scheduled for an interview? I thought you knew I was coming.”

“I personally do not believe in speaking to the press. You’ve been speaking with Agent Scully.”

There’s shuffling from the back room of the office and a redhead he’s only seen on screens appears. She’s holding a stack of files. “Mulder, be nice,” Agent Scully tells him. She holds out her hand. “Dana Scully.”

“William Van De Kamp," he says. He takes her hand, completely mesmerized. He shakes himself out of his trance. “Let me set up so we can get started.”

Agent Scully takes the chair behind the desk, banishes Agent Mulder to one of the extra chairs in front of it for his opening comments. He doesn’t have much to set up, just his recorder, and his notepad of questions. A short assessment of his subject tells him he shouldn’t inquire about filming the interview.

For a moment, William takes in his surroundings. The office is not far off from his favorite movie, right down to the I Want To Believe poster on the wall. He had the same one in his own childhood bedroom. He can barely contain himself from pulling out of his phone, snap about a thousand selfies to his friends. When your favorite movie is fucking real, followed with three alien emojis, he would include as the caption.

He’s actually about to interview them. He presses down the button on his recorder, the red light urging him on. Ask them something.

“How long have you been partners?”

“You’ll need to be more specific.”

“Excuse me?”

“FBI, romantic, estranged?”

“Whatever you’re willing to divulge, I guess.”

“I was first assigned to work with Mulder in 1993,” Agent Scully interjects, shooting her partner a glare. “Let’s leave it at that.”

“Did you have any interest in the paranormal at the time, Agent Scully?”

“No, in fact, I still don’t.”

“Don’t listen to her. She loves a good invisible man.”

“He wasn’t invisible, Mulder. He was...There is no scientific evidence to support that theory.”

William is giddy at the sight of their banter. It’s just like the movie. For a film that got so much wrong, their dynamic is perfect. It seems to be only thing it hit right on the money.

They’re both so smart, so witty, it confirms all his hopes for them. They know their field so completely, his list of questions seem idiotic in retrospect. He wasn’t expecting them to be so forthcoming, entertaining him with stories of their experiences. He’s never heard of a Flukeman before but instantly files it away to research later.

Agent Mulder is kind of an asshole. He’s sarcastic, a little brooding, and Garry Shandling definitely did his best to make his version of Mulder more likable. More generically funny, not capturing the dry wit that was punctuated with a lopsided smile, and a glance at Agent Scully to see if she found his quip as funny as he did. It’s not completely off putting, admittedly sort of charming.

Even so, his aversion to speaking to the press was accurate. He made frequent comments about his distrust for the media that makes his work into a punchline, but he seems to soften with the realization that William is not a complete hack, but rather someone with a true interest in his work.

There’s very little accuracy in Téa Leoni‘s portrayal of Scully, for the most part. She was just a shell of the real person, taking on more of the fiery-redhead-action-hero stereotype. The real person is a true genius, and while her beauty is unreal, he found himself hanging off her every brilliant word as she explained the history of the X Files, the kickback they received from the government at large, and the future of their work now that the paranormal has gone mainstream. “In this day and age,” she tells him, “Anyone with a smartphone can be a paranormal investigator.”

“These conspiracy enthusiasts of the 21st century want the spectacle, not the truth,” Agent Mulder adds.

Their interview seems to come to a natural end with that note but he wishes there was something more. He wants to extend the experience, never having felt this ease he feels with them. There’s some...odd connection, one he knows he needs to shake off.

He’s spent so much of his life admiring these people and they actually lived up to his expectations. He’s just having a fangirl moment, for lack of a better term, and he needs to shut that shit down. Of course they would make him feel comfortable, he’s spent so long being straight up obsessed with them.

Still, he does not want to leave, not yet. He stands awkwardly at the door.

“I’m in love with Assistant Director Walter Skinner,” he says.

“What?”

“I’m sorry…whenever I can’t think of something to say…I just say that.”

"Do you have something you'd like to say?" Agent Scully asks him.

He lets out a short laugh. “I thought you guys would be awesome but I didn’t think you would be everything I wanted you to be,” he admits. “You’re like...my heroes. This is so dumb...but I’ve seen the episode of Cops you were on about a thousand times. Maybe more times than I’ve watched The Lazarus Bowl, which I know is just a stupid movie, but it lead me to where I am right now.”

Words are spilling out of him like vomit. He continues, “I’m adopted and it’s so stupid but I used to think...what if they were my biological parents, how cool would it be to go on adventures with them. I believed it so bad.” He lets out a breath he was holding in. “Okay. Now that I’ve just drained myself of every ounce of professionalism, I’m going to go. Thank you for your time.”

There's a softness in Agent Scully’s eyes that he had not been expecting when he looks up. "Mulder, why don't you give Mr. Van De Kamp your card, just in case he has any follow up questions."

"Right," he replies, an emotion he can't decipher in his eyes. He goes into his jacket, slung over the back of his chair. He pulls out a business card, scribbles something on the back. He holds it out to William.

"Hopefully I’ve changed your view on speaking with the press, Agent Mulder."

"Not quite," he replies. "Couple more interviews, maybe."

William smiles, wills himself not to glance back as the door shuts behind him. He sighs deeply, looks down at the card in his hand.

In Agent Mulder’s messy handwriting, the back reads: Believe.

#the x files #xf fic #fox mulder #dana scully #william van de kamp #i liked this idea so much so here we are kids #its a little different than the original hc but i still really liked how it turned out

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juvoci · 4 years ago

Text

8 January 2021

This blog can be read in its entirety on JUVOCI.com.

8 January 2021.

One document. One page. Simply thoughts.

But then the question arises: Which font should I write my thoughts in? Every font has its own personality. And where should I post my thoughts? On a blog? On Twitter? On Tumblr? On Instagram? All of them? One of them? None of them? My old school composition notebook which will probably be destroyed in a fire someday?

And then it becomes about someone not reading my writing. What’s the point of writing if no one reads it? But then I tell myself, I should just do it for myself. Read my own writing and I’ll get better at it. And should I promote my writing or is that vain? And is my writing even good enough to be promoted? I don’t want to bother people, offering them a flaming pile of garbage.

And when people tell me they love my writing are they just lying so I don’t feel bad? And when people tell me my writing sucks are they just jealous? Is it all up to me to decide how the world sees me? Is the world what I see it as, and not what anyone else sees, so that only my opinion ultimately matters? Because all is one?

I don’t know.

There are some things you should share with the world and there are some things that you shouldn’t. But how does one know the difference?

Anyways, I want to be a writer. Or... I am a writer...? I’m writing now, so I guess I am...? Uh, well, anyways. Yeah, I love writing. I love words. Typing sentences on the keyboard to me is like playing the piano, conducting a symphony. Language is beautiful. I love the lines which make up letters which make up words which make up sentences. I love how sentences have meaning, but they are also open to interpretation because all language is relative and infinite. There’s no way for me to express exactly what I mean and there’s no way for you to understand exactly what I mean. You’ll interpret my words for yourself, and any certainty you have about what I intended to mean is still just part of your interpretation. It’s an infinite regress, a fractal, beautiful.

I love writing. But here’s the dilemma I have: No motivation to publish anything. Or at least not publish anything in a “formal and edited and professional” way. When I spend too much time “re-reading and editing” my writing, I lose the spark of the original moment in which I wrote it. I lose that muse, that excitement, that inspiration. The moment dies, so to speak. The most natural way of writing, to me, seems to be publishing and writing simultaneously. Sort of like how Twitter works. You write something, and you publish it. There’s no intermediary step. Whatever you write, is published, in real-time. This feels more natural to me, most authentic, most productive. But then there is a fear in me that says “This is too lazy, this is too unprofessional, no one wants to read this crap, you’re just rambling,” blah blah blah... And part of me is like “Yeah, dude, you’re right. This is terrible.” But another part of me is like “Hell nah, fuck that, this shit is dope, you’re writing from the heart, you’re not even editing it, it’s raw expression, it’s dope, and you should definitely publish this and continue publishing everything you write cuz it’s dope.” Lol, and then another voice is like “Yo, I feel like y’all are both wrong. I feel like one of you is being too hard on yourself and the other is being too arrogant.” And then the real me is like “Bruh, I don’t even know.”

See? Now there goes my mind again. “Is that good or bad? Is my writing good or bad? Was that last paragraph terrible and dumb? Am I terrible and dumb?”

It’s such an interesting position to be in because you want to trust yourself but you also don’t want to become so trusting of yourself that you become delusional and blind to the inputs of the external world, but then you think that maybe your hesitation about trusting yourself is causing you to be worse at your craft and thus have less of a chance of being successful in that craft... you know?

But I think that the deepest part of me, my core, my heart, or whatever, wants to trust myself more. I feel my intuition leans in that direction. Because the question still remains: “What if I did trust myself completely? What would become of my reality?”

It’s 3:31 PM on Friday.

Writing Fiction.

Part of me wants to write fiction. I’m so conflicted in this area. I think that creating fictional worlds, fictional characters, fictional stories... it’s all really cool. They are really great ways to explore other worlds and other ways of thinking. But whenever I begin writing a fictional story (and I’ve started literally hundreds — and maybe even thousands — of stories — almost finishing a few of them but never actually finishing one — and certainly thousands of characters... along with languages, planets, species, religions, and more), I always lose the motivation for it before finishing (and usually before coming even close to finishing).

So, naturally, I ask myself: “Why do I lose the motivation to finish these fiction novels?” And the answer has usually been: “Because they’re not relevant.”

Now, I do think that I am quite hard on myself, and I would bet that some of the fictional stories I’ve written could actually be relevant and somewhat successful and influence their reader’s lives... but going back and publishing those stories would feel like trying to relive the past. I’ve moved on from those stories. Publishing them now would be like putting my fourth-grade science project (a “Baking Soda Volcano”) on display. It wouldn’t make sense from a personal standpoint.

I would rather write what’s on my mind today and publish that... which is what I’m doing now, I suppose.

3:53 PM.

There is something really special and interesting about simply documenting my life and my mind. There’s something raw and liberating about it. I’m simply just being me. Not more, not less, just me.

Sometimes I feel pretentious when I’m writing fiction. It feels like I’m trying to escape this world, like I’m too good for this world, like I’m trying to be more than I am, something I’m not.

Is my “real” life so much less interesting than a fictional life? Or could it be that “real” life is in fact the most interesting story of all? I’m starting to believe the latter.

I also haven’t been super interested in reading fiction. Or really anything much for that matter, other than conversations. I find conversations to be the most engaging reading and writing. Because it’s occurring in real-time, it’s a live event, you’re literally engaging with “another being”.

I don’t even have that much interest in reading my own writing. Occasionally I’ll review a few things I posted a week ago or month ago or year ago or whatever... but the vast majority of what I write is never actually read.

Bitcoin / Cryptocurrency.

Bitcoin is really cool. It’s interesting that it’s blowing up now. It has blown up before, but this seems bigger than ever. It’s really going mainstream, it seems. Corporations are buying it, banks are buying it, maybe nations will start buying it soon. Although if nations start buying it then they’re basically forfeiting their own currency, at least to some extent. But I think we should all embrace cryptocurrency. It seems like a great idea. It’s very safe, it’s very easy, there’s a static supply so that inflation and corruption cannot flourish. Sometimes growth takes sacrifice. I think nations should start sacrificing their local currencies for the sake of Bitcoin.

Imagine if the United States of America invested itself in Bitcoin. Imagine the global response. Imagine what that would do to the currency market.

4:05 PM.

I want to be a Thought Leader. I’m eating oatmeal right now, by the way. Oatmeal with fruit and honey and nuts. Good stuff.

Anyways, yeah, I wanna be a Thought Leader. That’s an ambition of mine, I suppose.

What does it mean to be a Thought Leader? Well, first let’s define thought.

What is thought?

Thought is many things, and many more things, depending on how you define it. Generally, I use thought to mean “a woman who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships”, just kidding. Generally, I use thought to mean “idea, inspiration, creation, imagination, realization, literally even the fabric of reality”.

That’s the “bigger” version of thought. However, when I say that I want to be a Thought Leader, I am not referring to that type of thought. I am referring to language. The construction of sentences and the words we choose to use. The meaning we give to words and the way inwhich we use them have a pretty profound impact on our day-to-day reality. I think you’d be surprised just how much your mental and verbal language impacts your life.

This is why we need Thought Leaders. Thought Leaders help keep the collective mind on track. Thought Leaders are masters of navigating the mind. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of improvement to make still, but one of my talents or skills is certainly a deep understanding of the mind.

Now, some people might call this an arrogant statement. “How dare you claim that you’re a master of the mind and that you should lead my thought!” And, yes, I agree, I understand, it is indeed something of an arrogant statement. But confidence is often confused for arrogance. Michael Jordon, Michael Phelps, Michael Tyson (his birth name is actually Michael, I just googled it)... these three athletes were confidence about their skills and talents. Or were they arrogant? Who cares? This is just semantics. They perform, and that’s what matters.

Well, I perform with the mind, with thought. I understand it deeply. And through this understanding, I’ve cultivated an incredible mind to exist as. And I want to share this gift.

And, yes, like I mentioned, I still have alot of improvements to make. I have nowhere near reached the peak of my mental (or physical) potential. But I’ve already made a lot of progress, and I’m improving everyday.

So what gives me the gall to declare myself worthy of the title Thought Leader? Well, I’ve spent my whole life introspecting, philosophizing, contemplating... and over the course of my life, everyday until today, and so likely for days to come, I’ve observed people suffering by the hand of their own minds. Anxiety, depression, fear — these things plague us.

The problem is that people are afraid of what they don’t understand. I start telling people about the incredible revelations I’ve experienced and they don’t understand and so it frightens them and they try to change the subject. The act of awakening is becoming self-conscious, and some folks just don’t seem to want to become self-conscious. But like Tim Ferriss says in his interview with Guy Raz: “It’s not about who doesn’t understand, it’s about who does.” (That might not be the exact quote, but he does say something like that.) Why focus on who doesn’t understand? You can find endless people who won’t understand. What matters is how many people do understand. One other person? Five people? Fifty? A million? That’s what matters. Expand your network of comprehension, not your perception of misunderstanding.

I understand, though. Becoming self-aware can be scary, especially if you haven’t become self-aware in a long time. It’s kind of like looking in your basement after not cleaning it for 30 years. It isn’t always pleasant if you haven’t done any spring-cleaning, but if you wanna clean the place up then you’re gonna have to face it.

But it’s sort of like... if you don’t jump in, you’ll never get wet... as the old saying goes. You gotta let your mind be blown every now and then. You gotta let your identity shape-shift and change from time to time.

4:34 PM.

I never claimed to be perfect.

4:42 PM.

So what is this “thought” that I’m “leading”?

Firstly, Peace and Love. I believe in peace and love. Now, yes, this sounds corny, cheesy, overly-wholesome... whatever. But, it’s right and true, I believe.

I believe that systems work better when there is harmony. Metallic machines run better when they’re lubricated with oil (I hope this metaphor makes sense because I’m not exactly a “mechanic”). Government and society and civilization work better when there is peace. Imagine if humans all over the planet started working together instead of fighting. Imagine how much time and energy and resources we would save if we stopped fighting against and arguing with each other.

Now, don’t me wrong. I recognize that competition is a huge catalyst for innovation. And I do not believe that we should eliminate competition. However, I think competition is useful for games, not wars. I’ll make a distinction between games and wars: In a society which games, everyone can ultimately win because the stakes aren’t death and utter destruction. Sure, the winners are awarded with a bigger reward, but the heads of the losers aren’t chopped off, their cultures aren’t destroyed, their families aren’t ruined. They can lose, learn from their mistakes, dust themselves off, and try again. And at the end of the day, everyone can smile and have fun and hang out together.

This would be a society built on games, not on war. This would be a more evolved, more enlightened society, in my opinion.

5:02 PM.

Gonna stretch out with some quick exercises like weight-lifting and hand-stands. Be back sometime later.

5:26 PM.

Exercising is so great. Such a great feeling. Highly recommend it if you’re not involved.

And washing your face or body with cold water is super refreshing, by the way.

11:10 PM.

Let’s get back to this Thought Leader idea. I think that’s important. What thought am I leading?

It begins with Peace and Love, yes. But there’s more to it than that. If simply saying “Peace and Love” were the solutions to our problems, then we wouldn’t have any problems, because I just said it. No, our problems are more complex, so just how do we manifest peace and love?

How do we manifest peace and love?

Firstly, it begins with a desire. We have to want peace and love. And it doesn’t seem like this is our current reality. It seems like alot of people want war. Now, I’m not certain that this is true. I’m not sure that many people would actually say “I want war.” But some folks sure behave like they want war. Some folks seem to become excited by the idea of war. Perhaps they haven’t much else to live for? Perhaps they are bored with their current life and a war would shake things up? Perhaps they are prisoners, and hope to escape in the fray? I don’t know.

Secondly, once we decide that we desire peace and love, we must introspect. We must practice self-awareness, self-consciousness, and watch ourselves closely so that we don’t slip up, back into our old violent ways. We must become very careful of ourselves not to resort to violence, and to solve our disagreements peacefully.

Thirdly, now that we’ve decided that we indeed do desire peace and love, and now that we’ve practiced and mastered self-awareness and self-consciousness through introspection and contemplation, we must set collective goals for ourselves, and we must give our collective world meaning and purpose. Why must we do this? Because a lack of purpose causes things (like human minds) to become chaotic, and chaos leads to insanity and forgetfulness, and insanity leads to violence... because the insane person has forgotten the commitment that they made to be peaceful. The mind is designed for meaning and purpose. Without these things, the mind begins to go insane.

But it’s not all just mental. It’s physical too.

In order to achieve Peace and Love, we must alleviate greed. Greed still permeates our global culture too much. A tiny bit of personal greed can actually be good, because it motivates you to achieve more for yourself and your family. But we live in a world today that is permeated by corporate greed and greed at an unfathomable scale. The inherent problem with greed is that the greedy person always wants more. And now we have found ourselves in a world where some people have access to so much wealth, and some people are struggling just for clean water. No wonder there is conflict and violence. Our rich and wealthy family members aren’t showing enough love to those who are struggling. Instead, they would rather flaunt their expensive clothing and cars on Instagram and such. We must remove this greed if we are to achieve Peace and Love.

Some people might say: “World peace is a childish ideal and will never manifest on Earth.” But why? What is your motivation for saying this? Deep down, do you wish it to be true? Do you actually like violence and conflict, perhaps? Are you creating negativity in your day-to-day life? Is the energy of your spirit attracted to negativity like a moth is attracted to light? Is this the best way to live? Perhaps you should make a change?

I believe that world peace is possible, and I will likely continue encouraging it forever.

11:48 PM.

Lately I’ve been feeling like philosophy is kind of dumb. Here’s the philosophy: The universe is infinite. Do whatever you want. But what is philosophy, exactly?

I posted in the Philosophy sub-Reddit asking “What is Philosophy?” Let’s see what they say.

They banned my post. I don’t know why. I’m going to ask the same question in the AskPhilosophy sub-Reddit.

They also banned my post. Kind of ironic that you can’t ask “What is Philosophy?” in “Philosophy” sub-Reddits, eh?

(This discussion is continued on the next blog post for 9 January 2021)

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#philosophy #economics #cryptocurrency #blockchain #bitcoin

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randomnessunicorn-imagine · 7 years ago

Note

Mettaton, Gaster, Muffet, and Grillby reacting to getting an anonymous letter hand delivered by a friend of them. The letter is clearly from an admirer of them, and the writing is unfamiliar. If they choose to write back, it becomes a thing between them to send letters back and forth daily with flirty remarks from the admirer (laminated letters for Grillby so he can't burn them). One day they ask if they can meet up at waterfall and get a chance to see each other face to face. Reactions?

{ Oh, god-!!!I wrote another scroll, I am too exaggerated…I don’t even know if somebody has the patience to read it all… }

💌 Mettaton ;

He was a star so he was used to this treatment, his life was full of fame and fans so he was not so surprised when he received a letter. Every actor, singer and VIP received so many letters and presents from their fans and it became like a routine until it lost all his significance. When he was less famous he loved reading every letter his fans sent to him but then, when he became the most important and admired celebrity of the Underground, he needed some help to handle all this fandom so he had to assume some managers and assistants who could help him to cheek the mails and the appointments. His time was precious and he got so many things to do but he cared to read his fan’s letters personally and he found some time during the weekends to concentrate to the reading of these letters. Sometimes, he was unable to read all of them and he had always some dates or shows to do.Then, he wanted to treat all his fans the same way and he often organized events where he met his fans to take pictures together, chatting, these occasions happened so often so every fans could have the opportunity to see him and to have his autograph.During one of those weekends, he read your letter but he considered it just like a usual letter written by a fan and he has never answered to his fans. In those mails, fans confessed their admiration and affection towards him, explaining how they adored him and they’ve never lost any of his programs. MTT was so proud of his fans and they were so funny and cute with him, so he thought you were cute at the same way but he supposed you were a normal fan.Then, you continued to send him letters and they were becoming more intimate and sentimental so he understood there was something weird. It was not the first time he received a love letter and many of his fans were in love with him even if it was an impossible love. Since you were so persisted and he was getting worried, he hoped you were not a sort of maniac… Have you ever read “Misery” of Stephen King? Obvious, Mettaton did not want to end up like the protagonist of that romance but he decided to answer anyway to understand your true intention. It was so rare but he did not want to have problems.Mettaton tanked you for all the compliments you said to him, that you were so kind and he was glad having a fan so active and dedicated but he never mentioned about the possible love sentiment you could feel for him. You knew him but he did not know you yet so he had to be careful.You sent another letter, the answer of his last mail, asking for a date as if it was normal and he was still a star. Mettaton had so many shows, programs and series to film and his time was limited. He did not know what to do, even if maybe it could have been interesting. This last period gossip was missed in his life so he decided to say yes but, obviously, he was not going to this date alone –in case you were an Annie Wilkes-. His bodyguards followed him and he called the paparazzi too because, anything could happen, and the scoop was inevitable. At the end, he understood it was a good occasion to have the spotlight on him, he could already read the front-pages’ titles like: “A crazy fan attempts the life of the Underground’s Star”. Yes, it could be dangerous but the fame was under the corner. If you were not a serial killer, he could have a conversation with one of his fans and he hoped you were not that bad.The day of the encounter finally came and he felt not so much worried or nervous, he was used to see his fans so he arrived to Waterfall waiting for you. He has never seen you but he imagined to find some crazy person who would have started to scram seeing him in all his majesty. Actually, you were not a killer or a crazy person, you appeared so normal and kind and he had a good conversation with you.At the end, the two of you kept writing letters to each other because Mettaton still did not have time and he could see you so rarely but those letters were so sweet and it was so funny having a pen friend. Yes, he was still too busy for a true relationship (maybe when he would have needed more gossip he would have thought about it).

💌 Gaster ;

His entire existence was devoted to science and romance was not contemplated in it. Gaster did not receive post so often and the only letters that have been delivered were the ones from other scientists and researchers with which he discussed about scientist arguments, theories, experiments and researches, maybe they were the only social relationships he had with someone else. He had no fans or friends –those persons were considered normal colleagues-. At first, he thought you were an academic too because you were explicating the reasons why you found his last experiment so interesting and illuminating and it seemed you were prepared about those scientific arguments so he supposed you were studying something but he has never asked you what disciplines you were interested to. Gaster answered to your letter talking about science and he did not get your flirtatious lines or maybe he was too focused to the explanation of his new experiment to think about it. Yes, science was his true love and there would have been anything he could adore more than it.You and him kept having exchanges of correspondence and he has never responded to your flirt lines so you understood he was only interested to discuss about science. A month was passed reading and writing letters, it was become a routine for him receiving some mails from you, and he kept thinking you were one of his colleague or a researcher. Sometimes, you tried to introduce new arguments asking which were his favourite books, songs or movies and he answered telling things that regard his job every time. Another time, it happened a thing you would have never expected from him, you told to him the title of your favourite book, the names of your favourite authors and singers and he answered telling you that he found them interesting or bored. Actually, he was very curious and he considered you like his pen friend so he thought it was great experimenting other things so he wanted to know why you appreciated those products and he tasted them giving to you his personal opinions. He realized it would have been more interesting and friendly sharing his own passions with others and he told you about science every time so it was the moment he listened to your hobbies and dreams. You could understand he was not egocentric or rude, he was just passionate in what he did and you were the same way.After some months, you thought it was time to ask him a date and you wanted to meet him personally and it could have been more beautiful and natural. Writing letters was so romantic and fascinating but conversing with a person was a total different thing.In your last letter, you communicated to him that you wanted to see him so you proposed a date in Waterfall and Gaster seemed a little confused, you took him unprepared but maybe he should have expected it and it was inevitable. He has never doubted about your good intentions and he recognized instantly when a person lied to him even by words written on a paper and he trusted you enough to give you a chance. He did not define it like a true date but like a “professional encounter” because you were still a scientist or an academic in his eyes and you’ve never confessed your true profession.Gaster accepted and he met you in Waterfall, and he found that place so lovely and relaxing, when he was younger, he loved to spend his days there reading, studying and doing his experiments to the echo flowers and maybe those poor flowers were not so glad to be his subject of study.When he met you, he finally understood you were not a sort of researcher but you were just a normal person who found his works interesting but you found, especially, him interesting and he was embarrassed. He was not used to these declarations and all this romantic stuff so he needed time to absorb the new information. Then, the two of you spoke about so many arguments and it seemed he was able to argument even things he did not know so well and you appreciated a lot his intelligence so maybe you would have asked him a second date or maybe you could have visited him at his lab, screaming “surprise”.

💌 Muffet ;

She was a busy woman and she had an activity to run but she was also a mother, all her spider babies did not feed themselves alone and they needed the assistance of their mother spider. It was rare she had time to cheek the mails, she usually received products and ingredients but nothing that did not concern her job. You were a timid and introverted person who was unable to talk personally with people and you had a crush on the lady Spider for months but you have never found the courage to confess your feelings to her. Sometimes, you frequented her café but you were not a regular client because you did not want to appear like a stalker or arousing suspects and shy people usually preferred to be ignored and invisible. After some while, you finally found the courage you need to speak to her but this way did not concern the “face-to-face” factor and you were still too timid to take care of the situation. You decided to write a letter to her where you declared your sentimental feelings towards her and you hoped she wouldn’t have thought you were a sort of criminal or maniac. Maybe you were just a little vintage if you still wrote handwritten letters.Muffet was so intrigued to read this mysterious letter, and you gave some pizazz at her working day. During her break time, she read your letter more than one time and she tried to understand who you were since she did not recognize the calligraphy. Maybe it was a person who appreciated her sweets and there were written so many compliments about her cakes and desserts and she felt so flattered. She knew her sweets were the best but it was fantastic receiving a letters where someone said how they were delicious. It would have been more beautiful if this person would have ordered something, and every time was the perfect time for some affairs. Then, she decided to answer even if she was not sure if that address was real or if it was fake, she searched in the yellow pages to find the sender but there were only officers in that address and it was not a populated area but she tried anyway. In the letter, she said how she felt content you loved her desserts, she put all her passion and soul to create them, and you were invited to her café to taste her foods directly. Other than that, she thanked you for all your compliments and you’ve been too gentle to say all these sweet tings, you left the spider speechless. The two of you started to send letters to each other and she always found time for you, to read and answer your letters. It was a routine she could not deny, and her curiosity was reaching the space. Muffet had to know you, she wanted to see you in real life, she confessed. Hearing her desire, you decided to make your Lady Spider happy accomplishing her request so you suggested seeing her in Waterfall since it was a beautiful place, it was placid and solitaire so you could stay with her without none could disturb.The day of the date came and Muffet was so glad to know you even if her behaviour was so formal treating you like you were her client. This encounter was not for business and she felt a little lost and she has never seen you personally and so many persons seeing her Spidey look could get scared. The two of you organized a picnic, she brought some of her sweets and you prepared a packed lunch, and nobody could say this date has not been fantastic. The next day, you started to frequent more her café even if you loved leaving little notes where you wrote poems and sweet phrases dedicated to her and she offered you some sweets anytime you acted so cute.

💌 Grillby ;

He was an old-fashioned person and he appreciated to receive letters even if he did not know the sender. It was something so romantic and mysterious, he had the impression to stay in one of those classic movies where there was an impossible love and the couple communicated using letters since they had no other ways to see each other. Nobody would have never said he was a romantic person but he often dreamed about some love romance but he did not have the time to dedicate to dates and love and he had to carry out his activity. Anyway, he was curious about his secret admirer. Yes, it could be a prank but he wanted to keep thinking it was a real person interested to him so he decided to answer to understand better the situation. The words you used were so sweet and gentle, he has never received something cuter, and he truly hoped it was not a prank. He was a barman and not a poet so you had to forget him if he was not as able as you to write verses of beauty.One day, while he was reordering his local he found some napkins of paper where there were written poems about him and he understood it was you, the same person of the letter. You were his client but he did not know who you were because his bar was full of people. From that day, he kept his eyes open searching for you without knowing anything about your appearance. The day of the encounter came, you confessed you wanted to meet him at Waterfall and you could not wait a second more. There was a little problem and it was not so insignificant. Waterfall was not the perfect place for a monster like him, you should have known… It was so wet, full of water and water fell from everywhere. He never frequented that place and he was not a suicidal so maybe you had to propose a new place. You could ever come to meet him at his bar, there was no way you could not find him there.

#randomnessunicorn-imagine #anonymous #ask #undertale headcanons #undertale scenarios #undertale #undertale mettaton #undertale gaster #undertale muffet #undertale grillby #mettaton #mtt #gaster #w.d. gaster #muffet #grillby #x reader #imagines

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evilkitten3 · 8 years ago

Text

Ad Nihilum, Chapter Five: Reunions

AN: This story is getting attention! Yay! I even got a fic rec! I'm pretty psyched about that, as you can imagine. I'm so happy that people are enjoying this story, and I hope you continue to enjoy what's to come! Please let me know what you think, and have fun reading! Kitty out.

Warnings: Flashbacks, nightmares, death, various dark shit, disassociation, poor life choices, more existential nonsense, more dialogue than I'm used to writing, and possibly also a hug (Kaiba-style, so it's less of a hug and more a grunt of acknowledgement)

That night, Yuugi – and Marik too, most likely, even if he can't remember it clearly – dreams of knives and fire and cruel laughter. He wakes up sobbing, Atem rubbing his shoulders, and has to feel his face to make sure it's still intact. He wants to apologize to the Thief, but the look on the other's face when he comes in clogs up the words in his throat like hot molasses and he spends fifteen minutes in the bathroom hunched over the toilet (nothing comes out, which doesn't help alleviate the queasiness).

A few minutes after Yuugi leaves for school, Atem finds a drawing of some kind of insect, half-eaten and still twitching. He wonders if it's some form of an attempt at communication or just the Thief's way of flipping them off. Maybe it's both, he thinks, smirking a little. It's a bit amazing how he can find anything about this situation amusing, but his sense of humor is different than it was in Yuugi's body (Anzu says there's probably a scientific explanation – something about chemicals, maybe – but he doesn't know anyone science-y enough to figure it out).

Atem spends a few minutes staring at the drawing and picks up the phone.

The orange of the setting sun and the reddish brown of the desert bleed together, colors mixing as Nut and Geb's fingertips brush against each other for mere moments until they are separated once more.

"It really isn't fair," Aren says, and Bakura – three years old and too young to understand what it means to be in love – looks at him with the wide eyes of a child who doesn't know what you're saying but is curious enough to listen anyway. "It isn't fair," his elder brother says again. "To be separated like that. If you love someone, you should be allowed to be with that person."

Bakura continues to listen as his brother talks about the girl he saw when he went with their father to the market place in a bigger city – how she smiled at him and laughed at his jokes and showed him how to write his name in Hieroglyphics and how he thinks he might want to marry her.

"So marry her," he says, shrugging. "Like Ashiya and Elder Sister, right?"

But Aren just shakes his head and says that it's different, that there are too many reasons they can't be together. He doesn't elaborate. "I'll tell you when you're older," he assures him.

"How much older?"

"Hm… two years," Aren promises.

Two years later Aren is dead and Bakura is watching from behind the ruins of a cupboard as his brother's fingers twitch when a soldier yanks the stone axe out of the back of his head.

The pencil snaps in half and veers off the paper. The Thief stares down at it in disgust, half of the face he'd been drawing grinning at him. It felt like mockery – the squiggle left by the broken pencil, taunting him over– over–. He wasn't sure. He thinks he should feel bad about breaking the pencil, since he only has so many and he certainly isn't going to ask Anzu for more, but he can't muster up even the slightest bit of "oops".

Everything is broken here, he thinks to himself. Everything and everyone is broken here. He doesn't know where "here" is, so he snatches up the failed drawing and tears it in half, again and again and again, until the floor and bed are littered with tiny fragments of what was nothing more than just another failure.

He laughs, and it feels like dying.

Kaiba knows who it is before he picks up the phone.

"Yuugi," he says anyway.

"I have a name of my own, you know," the Pharaoh replies and Kaiba can see him smirking in his mind's eye.

"What do you want?" Cold, collected, professional. No room for emotions that could show weakness – no escape for the discomfort building within the both of them.

"I'm simply surprised you haven't asked me to Duel you," Atem says, and Kaiba scowls. Arrogant bastard, he thinks to himself. The irony doesn't escape him.

"Yuugi is the King of Games now," Kaiba reminds him. "Why would I aim for second best?" It's bullshit and they both know it.

"Yuugi says you haven't challenged him either."

"I've been busy."

"Not too busy to answer my call."

"What do you want, Atem?" The word feels strange on his tongue, almost like he's broken some sort of taboo. There's silence for a moment.

"So you do know my name," the Pharaoh is trying not to laugh, and Kaiba refuses to indulge him any further.

"I'm free at 2:30," he snaps.

"No, you're not," Atem tries to sound stern, but there's no point.

"I am now," Kaiba corrects him, and Isono wordlessly reschedules his 2:00 appointment.

"One would think that's bad for business," Atem notes, and Kaiba resists the urge to snort.

"2:30." He says again and hangs up. Four hours, twenty-seven minutes, and thirteen seconds, Kaiba thinks, looking at the clock.

And then he pushes the thoughts of Atem and Dueling out of his head and returns to work, because he is Seto Kaiba and 'Atem is back' isn't enough to keep him from getting some work done.

The Duel is private, because Kaiba really shouldn't be putting off work (or school) for this, but Isono's there with a camera recording everything anyway, just in case. Atem arrives exactly on time, and Kaiba can't help but be annoyed by his punctuality. Just had to time everything perfectly, didn't you, he thinks bitterly, like he's never done exactly that.

It goes about as expected, with both of them doing fairly well until Atem magically drew the exact card he needed to secure a victory. The only difference is that the Black Magician's smirk is much more meaningful now that he knows who Mahado is (or rather, was), and Kaiba has to resist the urge to flip him off when he does that annoying finger wag. All in all, it's a rather anti-climatic battle.

"I don't suppose you have an understanding of brain chemicals," Atem says, for lack of anything else to say. Kaiba rolls his eyes.

"I'm a computer scientist, not a neurochemist," he sneers. "That's not my area of expertise. Why are you even asking something like that?" Atem sighs and sits down and Kaiba wonders who the hell told him he could stay and chat.

"Just curiosity," he waves off the question. "But I do need your help with something." Of course he does. It stings, surprisingly enough, that Atem didn't just show up to Duel him.

"And that would be?"

"How do I communicate with an emotionally stunted asshole who's tried to kill me and my friends in the past but is now someone who doesn't seem to be able to function on his own?"

"I can 'function' just fine," Kaiba retorts, and Atem can't stop himself from laughing.

"For once, Kaiba, you aren't the emotionally stunted previously murderous asshole in question," he says, smirking. "Although I must admit, I find it amusing that you immediately assumed I was talking about you. Come to think of it, you do fit the description…"

"Listen, I–" Kaiba begins and then stops as curiosity overcomes the desire to make a witty comment. "Wait, how many 'emotionally stunted assholes that have tried to kill you and your friends in the past' do you know?" Atem thinks about it for a moment.

"Does Rishid count?" he asks.

"The guy who wasn't Marik?"

"The guy who–" Atem can't hide his grin. "Yes, Kaiba, the guy who wasn't Marik." He coughs, trying to push the conversation back to a more serious tone. "If you count him, then it's four. Otherwise, it's just you, Marik, and the Spirit of the Millennium Ring." Kaiba raises an eyebrow.

"He's back too?"

"You didn't know?"

"I… haven't exactly been at school much lately," Kaiba confesses. "I've had a lot of work to do."

"You've been avoiding Yuugi, you mean," Atem corrects, unimpressed. Kaiba doesn't bother to deny it.

"I assume you're talking about him, then?" He asks, and Atem nods. "What do you expect from me? I barely know the normal Bakura, much less his evil alter ego."

"I should've asked Mokuba," Atem says, shaking his head. Kaiba takes a minute to process that.

"Okay, well, screw you too," he mutters before he can stop himself. Atem rises.

"I should get going," he says. "And… Kaiba?"

"What?"

"Thank you."

During lunch, Yuugi tells his friends about the dream – less solid than the others, he says, which only made it scarier. Marik doesn't remember his dreams still, but apparently Rishid was worried about him (which might not mean anything, because when is Rishid not worried about Marik). Bakura hasn't come back to school yet, and Kaiba's still not there either, and the conversation eventually peters to silence.

"I dunno how much longer I can deal with this," Otogi says, sounding a bit hoarse. "I know that's– that's probably really selfish, but–"

"It's not," Anzu cuts him off sternly, frowning. "This isn't something any of us know how to deal with. We can't just play a game and solve the problem, and the fact is that that's what we've gotten used to. It's good to help your friends, Otogi, but you also need to take care of yourself – and, in your case, you have a job as well."

"I sorta thought you'd say 'friends have to stick together' or something," Jounouchi comments. Anzu gives him a funny look.

"Why would I say that?" she asks, brow furrowing. "Friends do have to stick together, sure, but part of that is understanding people's limits. On top of that, we still don't have a solid idea of what's going on. I can't expect Otogi to throw everything aside and devote his full attention to this situation. No one can do that, not even me. I learned that from you," she adds, looking at Yuugi, who nods.

"I wouldn't want you to do that anyway," he agrees. "Marik and I made a mistake; it's only fair that we're the ones who clean up the mess. We've dragged enough people into this as it is, really."

"That's what I keep telling Isis and Rishid," Marik wrinkles his nose, as though his sandwich had done something to personally offend him. "But you know how they are." He shrugs. "At least Isis stopped lecturing me for the moment."

"She'll use it against you," Honda warns. "Older sisters are like that. She will never let this go." Marik snorts.

"I have no doubt of that," he grumbles. "I once hid one of her earrings as a joke. It was nearly a year ago, but she's still mad."

"Little sisters are much better," Jounouchi laughs. "Shizuka wouldn't do that at all." He turns to glare at Otogi. "Speaking of Shizuka," he growls. "Why are you on a first-name basis with my sister?" Otogi shrugs innocently.

"I just wanted to make her feel more included," he winks, and Jounouchi lunges at him. Anzu yelps in surprise as the two boys begin to tussle, and prepares to break it up until she sees Yuugi laughing at the scene and decides to let it go for now.

"'Hiroto'," Honda mumbles dreamily. "Wonder if I could get her to use my name…" Jounouchi glares at him over his shoulder.

"You're next, Honda! Stay the hell away from my sister!"

Ryou Bakura's smile is a little too forced when Sugoroku lets him in.

"You should be in school," he reprimands quietly. Bakura nods in agreement.

"I need to talk to him," he says. "I'll go back soon, I promise, but–" Sugoroku puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him, and silently steps aside. "Thank you."

The Thief's room has little pieces of paper all over the floor, but the occupant is fully conscious.

"Why are you here?" he rasps, and Bakura crosses his arms.

"You better clean that up," he tells him. "I think you've made enough messes for one lifetime – or several," he adds, pointedly. The Thief scowls at him.

"What do you want?" he asks. Bakura leans down until their noses are almost touching. His eyes are narrow and the Thief takes that as a challenge, narrowing his own as well.

"Did he know how to read?" Bakura asks calmly. There's no question as to who "he" is, and the Thief shakes his head. "Who did?"

"A few people," the Thief says after a moment. "A couple of the elders, I think."

"The old woman?"

"She was blind."

"Her granddaughter, then?" Bakura knows he's hit the mark when the Thief breaks eye contact. "These aren't my memories," Bakura tries to keep his composure, but it's difficult to force down the anger.

"They aren't mine either," the Thief reminds him.

"Cut the connection," Bakura demands, and the Thief laughs.

"Even if I knew how, I wouldn't," he says. "It's not over until they're free. For either of us." Bakura's fist connects with the Thief's cheek, sending him flying off the bed. It's a bit concerning, since Bakura isn't really all that strong, but the Thief weighs almost nothing.

"This isn't my anger," Bakura repeat, trying to reassure himself. The Thief laughs again, blood running from his nose.

"It's your something," he grins, and Bakura storms from the room before he can hit him again, slamming the door shut behind him.

"It's not mine," he whispers as his fingernails dig into his palms. "Not mine," he says again hours later when he's eating dinner and rage comes from nowhere, bubbling up inside of him (it smells of tar, he thinks). "You're not mine either," he tells the enormous white creature hovering behind him.

Diabound doesn't reply.

AN: I feel like Otogi would be the least equipped to deal with all this nonsense, honestly. But anyway, there's a bit of humor in the middle of the story, just so it doesn't get too dark. Also because I feel like each chapter should at least reach ten pages so I don't end up slacking off or something. That said, it feels like the word count in each chapter just gets shorter and shorter… I should start wrapping things up, but I have a couple plot points that I need to have happen, and I've only mentioned three members of TKB's family (Ashiya, Bitya'a, and Aren), two of whom aren't even blood relatives. So… I'd like to know how many more people from the past the Thief should have flashbacks about, 'cause I'm definitely going to introduce his sister and parents, but that's probably gonna be it.

Speaking of the flashbacks, you might've noticed that this one was a little bit different from the last two. The reason for that is that I want each flashback to occur differently, because TKB would've had a different relationship with each of them, and trauma is really weird about the memory.

I do have to admit that the Diabound thing was a bit last minute – not the place that particular idea is going; that's been planned out from the beginning, but the bit about having Diabound being physically in the story didn't occur to me until fairly recently. That said, it'll all make sense fairly soon (well… as much sense as anything else in YGO makes). I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and please let me know what you thought! Kitty out.

#yu-gi-oh!#ygo fic #ad nihilum #ek3 writes stuff

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emotionallaborunion · 8 years ago

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Against "do you want fries with that?"

I don’t usually cross-post between my blog and Tumblr, nor do I usually try to give advice to younger people (unless they ask), but I do want to say this and I know a lot of people who follow me here are younger than I am. So, here’s the contents of a blog post.

Compiling what I wrote in an impromptu Twitter thread: I saw a tweet that said: "English major = 'Want fries with that?' 🍟. Pick something that will give you enough money to write what you want." (In the interest of discretion, I won't say who wrote this, but you can find out if you go to the thread.) This is bullshit. I have a computer science degree and thus all the money I want and no emotional energy left after work for writing. If I'd majored in English (like 13-year-old me wanted) I wouldn't have gone down the path of lots of money and spiritual/artistic vacuity. (Maybe more like 10-year-old me wanted; 13-year-old me wanted to be an editorial cartoonist and major in sociology or journalism in order to get there. 10-year-old me maybe had the best plan.) I was in debt -- student, medical, or both, at various times -- from September 1997 to January 2017. Now that I'm out of it, I can choose what to do next, so the point here isn't "cry for me". It is: Please do not pretend choosing an economically useful major while telling yourself you can do your important work "in your free time" (imagine all the finger air quotes there) doesn't have a serious, permanent cost. It does. You can never get back the time you spent doing stuff you don't care about for people who despise you. You need money to live, but time is the most precious resource you have because when you lose money, you can get it back; when you lose time, you can never get it back. Me, I didn't even choose computer science for the money (that came later). I thought, at the time, that I'd enjoy it more than I enjoyed writing or playing music. (I didn't enjoy playing music at all at the time, because I spent most of the first 16 years of my life playing classical music not because I wanted to, but because I had a parent who was foisting "what I didn't get to do when I was younger" onto me. I did get over that, but it took me about another 20 years. That's another story.) Anyway, once you get into industry, you realize the real day-to-day work isn't much fun, or that there are fun things about it but not the ones you anticipated, and a whole lot of soul-sucking baggage that's the price of both the fun and the money, but by then the money has you trapped. So if somebody had said all this to me when I was 18 (which they probably did, but I also had a parent yelling at me pretty loudly to be practical so I could support her when she got old (joke's on her, she's old now and I haven't spoken to her since 2014 and never will again)), it wouldn't have mattered -- I thought I was choosing the major that was what I wanted to do most, and I was pretty solidly on the side of telling my peers to do the same, and grieving with the ones who had parents who felt their tuition money was buying them permanent control over their children's lives. I would hate to see someone who doesn't even like computer science, though, choose it anyway because of shaming from people using the 🍟 emoji (and by the way, there is zero shame in working in food service -- someone has to cook for the people who get to spend their time writing), because of middle-class anxiety over the psychic cost of being one of the people their parents or grandparents stepped on to achieve middle-class status. It's one thing to choose it because it seems like the most fun thing at the time, another to hide your light under the barrel of "a stable job, a practical career." So if you're reading this and you're a teenager, choosing a major, or choosing whether to go to college at all, and you want to write or make art: write. Make your art. Put your first energies into those things, build whatever scaffolding you need to in order to keep your first energies there. (And if you change your mind later, that's cool too.) If you de-center those things in your life now, it will never get any easier to center them again. Do what it takes to survive, but never pretend that what fuels your fire is secondary and "real jobs" are primary; know it's the other way around. If you're 28 and in a "good" job and you want to write or make art but you're afraid of losing safety, know it'll never get any easier. So you might as well do it now. If you're 38 and you want to write or make art but you have 2 kids to support, I wish you the best. We -- as in, we adults who've had our dreams beaten out of us -- terrorize kids with a lot of fear-mongering about starving artists and starving musicians. The truth is that artists and musicians have always found ways to survive in a world hostile to art, so long as they're lucky enough to get taught that the shame of not being affluent must be avoided at all costs. (There are a few other kinds of luck that I'll talk about a little later.) Sometimes there's a very strong reason to pick the "I'll make a lot of money, then I'll do what I want" path: medical bills or responsibility for children or parents or both, while living in a society that is vicious towards young, old, sick, and disabled people. But ask yourself: If I'll be able to do The Thing later, when I have X amount of money, can I do it now without the money? And likewise: If I'm afraid to do The Thing now, will having X amount of money actually address the root cause of that fear? Because "I need to have X amount of savings before I do Y" tends to turn into "no, no, I was wrong, I need X*Z amount of savings first". The goalposts never stop moving. When you were 12, maybe you thought all you needed was rent money and enough food to eat. At 25, maybe that turns into a down payment on a house, and at 30, maybe a hot tub in the yard, a nice car, and a vacation home. Centering yourself on what really matters now builds a foundation on which it remains easier to not forget what mattered to you in the face of the distractions capitalism will try to sell you (especially when you spend all day in an office with people who also believe they can buy their way to personal fulfillment). Another thing to keep in mind: even if you are a person who can put in 8+ hours a day at a professional job, then leave and spend 6+ hours on your art (and not sleep much), you don't really know how much time you have before becoming too disabled to do both. Might be 60 years. Might be 1 year. All abled people are temporarily abled, and some of the most common disabilities and chronic illnesses take your excess energy first. Not to mention that chronic stress both from toxic jobs and double-timing tends to trigger any latent predispositions to those illnesses. Especially now, in 2017: there is only the present; stability in the future is a lie. Keep in mind reading all of this, I don't necessarily know the answer or the plan, not even for me and certainly not for you. I'm 36 and still in a job I'm ambivalent about on the best days, and I want to buy a house and adopt kids; renting a room doesn't afford much space for musical instruments or my sewing machine or more animals, much less kids. At this point, I don't have the conviction that the writing and art I want to make are worth delaying those plans for (the plans that more closely resemble the lives of my peers, my college friends and my office co-workers, and have their own appeal). A few months ago I was driving through Iowa and bought a new hardcover copy of Bruce Springsteen's autobiography on impulse. When I started reading it, I loved the writing but I had to set it aside because some uncomfortable feeling overwhelmed me, and a little later I realized it was envy: of people like him and his friends who got to spend their time, from early teens onwards, playing the kind of music they wanted to play. I was playing music when I was a teenager, too, but I hated it, and stopped as soon as I had the freedom to. It took me my entire adult life so far to want to do it again. My other musical hero, John Darnielle, worked day jobs for most of his career. Envy, as well, because I can't seem to find work that isn't primarily emotional labor (even when my business card says "engineer") and that doesn't leave me with much at the end of the day to put into art. So while part of me knows it's not too late, part of me is too busy grieving over all the time I lost to be able to make a new plan. If you're younger, and don't have as many sunk costs, maybe listen to whatever inside you makes you feel the most alive. And if you're older than me, do it too so I'll have more examples to look to. Another reason why the original advice is garbage: yes, Wallace Stevens was an insurance agent. But I suspect that if you look at the writers you like, you'll find more people who can write because they have a partner who financially supports them than you'll find full-time engineers or lawyers who are part-time writers. This is sort of a dirty little secret. The best thing you can do to be a successful artist is major in whatever you want, then marry rich. This doesn't mean you should marry for money. It does mean that "bust your ass doing 2-3 jobs if you want to earn the right to be an artist" is toxic victim-blaming capitalist pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps bullshit, because a lot of the artists you admire got there because someone else worked full-time to support them, not because they moonlighted. The good luck of being loved by someone with money should not be confused with hard work. Aside from economics, something I think stops a lot of younger people from following their vision is belief in scarcity: there are a lot of people who want to be musicians and writers, and many who are more talented than you, so why bother? Even if you make a living off it, you won't be famous. There are too many novels and no one will read yours; too many bands and no one will go to your shows. Sound familiar? It does for me. The more time passes, the more I think that's a seductive lie, too, not because you will get famous, but because that probably isn't what you want anyway. What you do want is time to spend doing the work that makes you feel whole. 'You hold onto Berryman’s line – “It is idle to reply to critics” – and understand that the actual work isn’t the thing you make, but the process that makes it, whose inherent value and dignity is well beyond any debate, because it is an expression of your self and therefore nobody can really judge it.' -- John Darnielle

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hopefulfestivaltastemaker · 5 years ago

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June 14, 2020

My weekly blog post. Topics include Nikola’s hydrogen trucking, returns to civilization scale, progress urbanism, the rhetoric of crisis, and woke culture in the Bay Area.

Nikola and Hydrogen Trucking

Last week the well-hyped trucking company Nikola had their IPO. As of Tuesday, the company was valued at $26 billion despite not having pulled any revenue yet.

I have long been a skeptic of hydrogen for transportation but have been gradually revising my views in a more bullish direction. The release of the Toyota Mirai is another event that surprised me, showing that hydrogen was at least technologically ready for the mass market in a way that I hadn’t expected.

As a transportation fuel, hydrogen suffers from several major drawbacks. It is much less efficient than battery electric vehicles. Fuel cells are expensive (moreso than lithium ion batteries). Hydrogen presents all sorts of logistical challenges, which are much easier with electricity and hydrocarbon fuels. The main advantage of hydrogen over electricity is range, but for passenger cars that is becoming less relevant.

Over the road trucking is another matter, and it is unclear if battery electric trucks will ever be feasible. Hence hydrogen emerges as a plausible low emission alternative to diesel trucking.

I do try to pay attention to market conditions and take them into account in my own analysis. Investors can be wrong, of course, and it is impossible for anyone, including investors, to forecast technology trends with great precision. But Nikola’s valuation represents a kind of collective wisdom that should be paid attention to.

I will now go back to wondering why dimethyl ether hasn’t taken off.

Returns to Civilization Scale

Last summer, I spent two weeks at the Santa Fe Institute. I have long been interested in SFI’s work, especially the scaling work of Geoffrey West and Luis Bettencort and how it applies to cities. Indeed, Bettencort’s The Origin of Scaling in Cities is one of my most important influences in how I think about the topic.

While at SFI, I drafted a survey of how the urban scaling laws might apply to world civilization as a whole. At the time I did not attract much interest from SFI staff or other program participants. I link it here, without a clear sense of what I am hoping to find from doing so. There are a number of points that I might discuss further at a later time. Several points in the paper have not aged well or otherwise no longer reflect my current thinking, but I am posting it in its form as of last August.

I don’t claim the paper is well-written, but I do think it raises some important and under-explored questions. Unfortunately the project stalled out last summer and I have been uncertain whether and how to move it forward.

Progress Urbanism

Last week, I posed a question in the Progress Studies Slack group about whether there could be such a thing as progress urbanism, and if so, what it might look like. My basic premise was understanding and designing cities as engines of progress.

One reply was this.

I’m interested in understanding what factors contributing to urban progress can be decoupled from cities. That could be critical in fostering progress in other environments, like rural areas, online communities, or even space colonies.

I found it quite interesting. It hints at an understanding of urbanism (which may no longer be the right word) that takes as the defining characteristic the interpersonal interaction that it fosters and abstracts out the rest. Under this conception, a city is a physical manifestation of the urban process, and there are potentially many other manifestations.

The Politics of Crisis

Palladium Magazine ran a piece this week on the political rhetoric of crisis. Like most Palladium articles, it is worth a read.

A few years ago, there was apparently a collective decision among climate activists that, henceforth, climate change was to be referred to as “the climate crisis”, or some other comparably dramatic term such as climate emergency or climate catastrophe. Even though I consider climate change to be a serious issue that demands a serious response, I have avoided the change in terminology.

The word “crisis” is meant to connote a state of affairs that is far enough outside of normal operating conditions as to call for a suspension of ordinary ways of doing politics and business. In the case of environmental politics, the ordinary way is to build coalitions around solutions that fit into the current socioeconomic milieu, such as carbon pricing, clean energy R&D, energy efficiency standards, and so forth.

“Climate crisis” is the favored phrasing among a cluster of activists who see the proper response as to overturn the current socioeconomic milieu and replace it with a highly socialized system that greatly restricts individual consumption. Such changes are to be accompanied with equally dramatic rearrangements in the distribution of wealth and race and gender relations.

I suppose I am fundamentally conservative in the sense that I see the current system as working reasonably well, and where it is not, the proper response being reform rather than revolution. One could accuse me of small-bore thinking. I prefer to think of it as remaining grounded in reality.

Woke Culture: What is Happening?

The last few weeks have, among many other things, brought a spotlight on what, for lack of a better term, can be called “wokism” and its destructive effects on national discourse. I have neither the ability nor the inclination to keep up with everything that is happening. Just two recent examples of things I observed are Matt Taibbi’s review of “newsroom revolts” and other institutional purges, and Sam Harris’s recent podcast attempting to bring some reality-based thinking into discussions of policing and criminal justice. Both come from points left of center politically and expose a growing fissure between the hard activist left and the old guard left with its traditional commitment to open discourse.

I have never had a position of great influence or any formal training in political science, but I did spend two years (2016-18) in the Bay Area hanging around the periphery of the nation’s social elite, such as it is, and one thing I would like to do someday, before it recedes too far into the past, is write a detailed account of my experiences there. Part of what has held me back is that my experience was not generally good, and it would be difficult to present a complete and honest account without burning some bridges that I would like to remain standing. Still, the experience was important in shaping how I see the world now. And I think that more ordinary person observations of a situation can shed some light into aspects of a culture that professional pundits and academics will fail to see.

Anyway, I have seen quite a few commentaries likening today’s social justice drama to McCarthyism, the Maoist Cultural Revolution, or the Reign of Terror. These comparisons have some merit, reinforced by numerous stories circulating on social media of academics and other professionals being forced out of their jobs for alleged wrongthink, but much like images of police brutality, they tell a highly skewed story at best. If anything, Versailles court etiquette is a more appropriate historical analogy.

Among what Richard Florida terms the “creative class”--people in media, arts, politics, software, academia, etc.--in the Bay Area, insecurity is a defining aspect of life. Rents are a major financial burden, home ownership or raising a family is out of the question for most young people, job security is rare, and most business relationships are strictly transactional. There is a culture of near perpetual side hustling and job networking, because you know the current job won’t last long and even if it does, it will not offer a path toward advancement.

Wokism enters this milieu as a set of rules for social protocol and status competition, and it serves several important functions. In an environment where social standing is a scarce good for which there is fierce competition, commitment to social justice doctrine is a price of admission into polite society, not unlike the way a college degree is required for professions that will never use the knowledge learned in college.

The conception of the social justice warrior as a fanatic is large wrong. The social justice warrior is a striver, fighting in a highly competitive environment for the status needed for tenure, a promotion, invitation to the right parties, etc. The state of affairs could perhaps be likened to an intellectual Malthusian catastrophe among an overcredentialed population.

As will be obvious to anyone with passing familiarity of urban progressive politics, the ubiquity of social justice doctrine does not translate in any meaningful way into policy. Yes, Bay Area cities have their diversity, equity, and inclusion boards, proclamations, and so forth. But the make no progress toward reducing poverty and homelessness, and the ordinary business of municipal government--passing out goodies to homeowners, unions, and legacy businesses--continues unimpeded. The paranoia of some commentators in conservative media, that the Democratic Party is radicalized and will implement some grand socialist vision if elected, is laughable to anyone who has seen it govern up close.

One of these days, I would like to fill in the story with some names and dates. We’ll see if that ever happens.

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ginnyzero · 5 years ago

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Killjoys Season 3 reaction

I promise to try not to turn this into a rant about the state of science fiction media... try. (Might not succeed.)

Last year about this time, I wrote about how I might not be able to make it through Killjoys Season 3. Last season really pushed a bunch of my writer big red buttons of do not want and I was seeing the writing on the screen. As in, this is not going well, red alert, red alert, Danger Will Robinson!

I hate being right.

I won't be watching season 4 or 5 of Killjoys (yes, they've green lit 20 more episodes of this show, and if you like it well, that's great. If you're me, you're in a corner whimpering. Why? TV Overlords, WHY?) I really, really wanted to love this show. It has a female creator, there are some female producers, there are females in the writing room and the main lead of three is, well, female! (Though the male to female cast is still rather disproportionate.)

The end of season 2 left us with a pretty big mess for season 3. The team was split. Dutch was being selfish. We'd lost a great female secondary character they'd taken 2 whole seasons to develop in order to have a male character feel pain. D'avin was the biggest gary stu of all time. And the show had taken a sharp left turn from campy, fun, new and into boring old cliche sci fi story territory.

Season 3 did not get any better.

I was thinking about this while curled in bed trying to convince myself to get up and realized why Season 3 was so jarring. This show had about 7 episodes of world building on their primary pitch of "Bounty Hunters in SPACE" before they took their sharp left turn into "humans versus alien parasite SLIME GOO." And it simply wasn't enough. See, the great thing about the concept of "Bounty Hunters in SPACE" is that you can spend as much damn time creating fun mini stories that explore your universe and it's VASTNESS, sprinkling little bits of information for a couple seasons about the "wrongness" in what is going on to take a couple seasons at the end to fight your parasitic alien goo. (which would have been great fridge horror to offset the campiness and created all sorts of meta and fun fandom discussion and theories!) And this show needed the world building. (They even lampshade this in episode 1 of season 3, "remember when we used to... yeah... that was fun." Yeah, the show was fun back then wasn't it.)

BECAUSE... Season 3 has the team split and "war is coming" and suddenly we are slapped in the face with the fact that the Quad is just one of many systems. That there are thousands of these alien goo pools and hundreds of RAC Ships (the bounty hunter HQ) and that there may be a purpose to these hack mods people (Only introduced in Season 2, used for less than half a season 3) and there are some nasty people called "skinners" who also use the green alien goo without realizing what it is. (And yes, it's as nasty as it sounds.) And I'm sitting here going, "Wait, wait, what? WHERE was ALL THIS during YOUR WORLD BUILDING EPISODES? NO. NO. COME BACK HERE. I WANT MORE OF THIS!!!!" The skinners would have been a GREAT way to introduce the green goo. Very, very fridge horror.

By the way, Season 3 spends over 2/3 of it dealing with internal politics and expounding on the Hullen focusing mostly on Aneelah. Aneelah and Dutch are not who they think they are. (DNA also doesn't work that way folks.) Not that we get too much about the Hullen, other than Aneelah is crazy and they're pretty arrogant. Oh, and new villain, the LADY who lives in the Green. (There is a reason why I'm not a fan of the television favorite of the "big bad" method of storytelling.) They set up Aneelah in Season 2 to be this big bad character that Dutch, D'avin and Johnny were going to have to overcome and destroy to destroy the Hullen. Except, problem, she only commands a tiny bit of the Hullen. Oh dear, bigger problem, she's more of a prisoner than a commander. Major problem, they tried to make her sympathetic by making her crazy and the whole of next season I think we're supposed to support her as a "good guy" as she helps Dutch fight "the Lady."

And if you're going, "huh and what?" to the previous paragraph. Then you are right there with me. (I mean, this typical Killjoys though, they spent season 2 turning Kylen from bad villain to good guy.) We spend 7 to 8 episodes of season 3 on internal politics between the RAC members, recruiting Pree's warlord ex-lover (yes, the homosexuality was strong this season), watching Delle Seyah play Aneelah like a harp, D'avin exhibiting his continued gary stu qualities with control over the green and a new story arc that never went anywhere (what else is D'avin forgetting show runners, oh wait, you're forgetting,) new nerd characters being nerdy (oh Hullen technology is more biological than machinery but Johnny is about machinery. Damn it, they had to bring in 2 new characters, one for the bio-techy stuff and one to replace Johnny's charm, then in the last episode pair them off for the wonderful 'pair the spares' sundae special) for the pay off of two episodes of "war" where our main characters are sitting out of the fight for the most part and for Aneelah to well, essentially change sides.

Look, if there had been 50 episodes of popcorn munching buttery goodness world building with BOUNTY HUNTERS IN SPACE before all of this, I wouldn't be so snarky. But here we are at 30 episodes out of 50 and I'm going "this is feeling a bit rushed darlings and everything is suffering for it."

What's suffering the most is Dutch's character. Writing wise, Dutch is the most inconsistently written character in the show. She's the Pinkie Pie of Killjoys. Dutch's problem is still they're trying to make her too many things at once. D'Avin and Johnny are stereotypes and relatively easy to write. Johnny is in fact the most consistently written and possibly most well rounded character on the show. Dutch is well, I'm not sure what Dutch is. I have what I think she's supposed to be, but because they left out an essential "Johnny and Dutch do their first Killjoy mission" episode, I'm not really sure.

You see, Dutch is a gender flipped action hero type. Disregard her back story, (which is cliche and sexist and all around not good) and her role in the story is to be the action hero lead big tank lead of the "trio." (Which imo, should have stayed a duo because D'avin is unnecessary.) Male action heroes tend to be brusque, stoic and at times flippant. They were going for big and tough and then went "Damn it, she's a girl, we have to make her girly too." And that, unfortunately, breaks most writers minds because a "girly action hero" is not a stereotype they are familiar with and is found more in Japanese media than American media.

So, Dutch flip flops between being extremely competent to making rookie mistakes to be a temporary damsel, doing the femme fatale nonsense, being the big sister, to being a selfish "I don't give a shit about everyone else," to being the self sacrificing hero all in the space of 2 or 3 episodes. It gives me serious whiplash. (Her and D'avin's rookie mistakes make me grind my teeth, they are both level 5s. They KNOW BETTER and they are still doing it. No. It's not interesting. It does not make for good drama or conflict. It's frustrating.)

I think they I know what they were trying to go for, a big sisterly type of warrior. She's experienced, competent and will make sure that the newbies make it out the other side of the battle intact, even if that means she gets hurt or almost dies to do it. Throw in some PTSD and call it a day. But instead, they tried to add a heaping spoonful of sex (because no one is going to watch a female action hero if she isn't sexy, am I right?) and keep her "professional" meaning brusque and eye on the prize at the same time. And it's not working. There is complex and then there is "trying to be everything all at once." Which isn't necessary because they have Delle Seyah to be the vamp. They had Pawter to be Delle Seyah's foil in political maneuvering. They added this newbie nerd female character who was a bit naive and innocent and could be the damsel in distress in a pinch. They had Hullen characters and the Hack Mod girl to be brusque and stoic. (Let's not talk about what they did to the hack mod girl. I'm grinding my teeth here.)

It doesn't help that we barely know anything about Dutch outside of bounty hunter and fighting work. What does this girl do to destress other than have sex with men? I mean it? Does she rock climb? Maybe she bungee jump dances or does aerial silks? Does she like calligraphy? Meditation? (Is now so very curious.) As much backstory they've thrown at us about her childhood and her father figure, as much "emotional turmoil and trauma" they've put her through, to me Dutch is still this card board cut out that is so very, very flat. Pawter had more depth than her. It's crazy. I almost feel like Dutch doesn't have a personal conflict in herself. I don't know what Dutch wants. I don't know if Dutch ever asks if what she's doing is right or wrong. And for a main character in a show that's lasted 30 episodes, that's disturbing.

So, basically, I'm frustrated and disappointed that yet another scifi/fantasy show that had the potential to be great and had an interesting basic premise lost it out on the execution. There are other scifi shows that I want to check out, The 100, Dark Matter and The Encounter but their premises sound so stereotypical scifi cliche that I'm having a hard time mustering the energy. I'm either growing up and becoming more discerning or I'm having writer spidey senses.

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nookishposts · 7 years ago

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Re-Potted

Certain things you just can’t make up.

Certain people are beautifully unique, breath-and-belly-laugh inspiring.

We met one last night.

My Mum has a deteriorating spine and lives in chronic debilitating pain. It robs her of her sleep and therefore her quality of life, and sometimes even her usual tolerant and positive disposition. She has progressed from cane to walker to scooter over a period of 5 years, and finds it very hard to sit, walk or lay down comfortably. We have seen every pain specialist and tried all kinds of things, from acupuncture to injections to physio, and a zillion medications. I suspect her deterioration is a long-term effect of the very aggressive chemotherapy that saved her life about 10 years ago, which is why it’s a bit mysterious to treat effectively.

An old friend of mine whom my Mum respects, has been taking cannabis tincture 3 times a day to treat the joint and nerve pain of Multiple System Atrophy. She’s had great success and it improved her daily quality of life. I have been begging my Ma to consider medical pot for some time, but she swats her hand in the air dismissively (and me along with it if I am in close proximity) But since this other woman has endorsed it suddenly Mum is all ears. I asked her weeks ago to make an appointment with her family Doc for a prescription but she has dragged her heels out of embarrassment. I did a bit of research, talked to some users and found out that you don’t actually need an MD, you can be registered and recommended by an ND; a Doctor of Naturopathy. So I called a recommended dispensary, found out what we needed to do and booked us an appointment.

Then I called my Mum, whom I often spend Tuesday evenings with while my Beloved is leading a Girl Guides Unit. The conversation went like this.

Me: “I’m coming down tonight, but I’ve booked us a field trip.”

Mum: “Oh...?” ( she loves to go for a drive but instinctively smelled a rat)

Me: (all in one breath) “Yup. We don’t need your doc to get you medical cannabis (she hates the word “pot”) we can do it through a Naturopath and there is one who will see us in a couple of hours and we can get your first round right there on site and it will cost between 50 and 100 dollars and they had an opening tonight so I nabbed it and they were really nice on the phone and this is the I.D. you need to bring with you and it should only take about 30 minutes and this is your chance to ask the right person all the questions you have been worried about and I will be right there with you and there’s no pressure but I think this is a great opportunity and you agreed to consider it because M had such success and you trust her and I hope you can forgive me for springing it on you so quickly, but we are going.”

Mum: “Oh.” (long pause) “Can we go by Shopper’s while we are out, my bathtub chair needs new feet?”

Me: “Oh, uh, yes, we can certainly do that.”

Mum: :Thank you. What time are you coming again?”

Me: “Um, 6. Don’t forget your I.D. or we won’t be able to start.”

Mum: “ Okay.”

I got off the phone a bit flummoxed that it was that easy. Then I wondered if she had heard me at all. Cross that bridge when we come to it, I guess.

So, we find the place we are looking for and it is very lovely outside and in, but the distinct whiff of pot outside the front door is a bit unnerving. Mum hates the smell and I was waiting for her to baulk, but she didn’t. Hmm. Once inside we are warmly and professionally greeted by the person I had an extensive phone conversation with earlier in the day. She gave us forms to complete as you would at any health office and we did our duty. It was a busy place; folks of all sorts taking a number just like at a deli counter, and waiting to be called into the dispensary to make their choices and come back out with a discreet little brown paper bag. Points for dignity and privacy. Non-members are not allowed past the waiting area. Members only and we had just achieved that status. I signed up as a caregiver. Someone was waiting with their dog and sure enough there was a water station for pooches. The dispensary was a separate room with 3 small private counters and 3 young men in sterile gloves busily and respectfully filling orders.Behind them was a list of options and another of daily specials, again, just like a deli. The glass cases contained samples; buds, vials, bags, and bottles and packets with some truly inventive names like Strawberry Pebbles and others I think it best not to list here.

In the main lobby I could not help but smirk at the vending machine of munchies. But there was also another glass case of samples and a lovely woman who could answer questions and explain strains popular for certain conditions,etc.There was also a vending machine for spliffs but it was empty and I wondered if it actually was there to be light-hearted more than anything. Great information on the tables, ready only and takeaway.

Pretty neat all things considered. Mum looked like the proverbial deer in the headlights but said nothing, just clutching her cane and purse tightly. I felt for her and could almost read her thoughts : “ I’m the only senior in the place, wonder if it’s too late to scram, hope that big guy with the tattoos doesn’t make eye-contact, she looks way too young to be here, what the hell did my kid get me into? What happens if there’s a raid and the police come? I won’t be able to hold my head up at Bingo!” I was proud of her for staying put.

We are called to the Naturopath’s office. She is a blazing red-head with wonderfully dramatic makeup and looks slightly familiar to me. The office has glass walls just above street level. I watch Mum sink a bit into her chair and avert her face. It’s a busy corner for foot traffic and the office is well-lighted. I try not to snicker, but do wonder how well this was thought through by the clinicians. The ND has a huge smile and a discernible twinkle and susses my Mum out pretty quickly. We go through the standard questions and history of meds and so on and then our ND puts a binder in front of us and says:”Here, I want both of you to follow along with me” Then she presses a button on a sound machine.

Peppy jazz tracks fill the room and ND begins to sing her educational high points about THC versus CBD, one works in the brain, the other in the body, how to mix for maximum effect, etc. She is SINGING both prescription and instructions and Insists we sing the chorus along with her, something like :Don’t wanna end up on the couch all day, yeah!”

My mouth is wide open. Mum is singing along. I am wondering if the room is cannabis infused and this is an alternative reality.

ND goes from smooth jazz right into rap and I lose it at last. She grins really big and bats her eyelashes at me and I say : “Oh Honey, you are a one-woman feast!” .

She hands me her business card with her Naturopathy studio details on one side and then flips it to advertise the one-woman Christmas show she will be doing at Hamilton Place in a few weeks. “Please come, bring friends! It will be fun!`` Then it hits me why she looks familiar; I have seen her face on a billboard near Dundurn and Main, advertising the performance. And she`s about to introduce my Mum to prescription pot. Turns out she has also written a 740 page book on Hungarian persecution and resistance. Her parents are musicians, her father a conductor. They may make guest appearances at her show. Now the stage-like corner office with glass walls makes a little more sense....I think.

I notice that my Mum is grinning, nodding her head, right smack in the middle of the surrealism, un-fazed. Suddenly I am the fusty old codger.

Show-tunes over with, we get down to business. Clearly our torchy ND really knows her stuff and answers most of our questions before we ask them, and the couple we have left she takes very seriously. She tells us about another Mother-daughter team who were in earlier in the day for a follow-up and how well they are doing. She tells us about her own Mum for whom she prescribes. And we are much comforted. This woman is actually, behind the theatrics a real professional with compassion to spare, and respectful of Mum`s hesitations.

The deal we strike is this: I have a bit of arthritis in neck and hands from 21 years of massages, so I purchase a tincture like the one my Mum might use and vow to give it a week`s trial on the recommended dosage schedule so I can speak with genuine experience to Mum about what to expect as we are similar except for size and physical temperament. Everybody is happy with this idea.

The dispensary fellows are lovely. We get exactly what we ask for and a couple of tips. 10% off the initial purchase. I have my wee brown bag and a receipt I can submit to my insurance. Just before we leave, the receptionist who greeted us reminds me of the rules of engagement; how often we may purchase, behaviours on-site, legal restrictions of use, resources for further study. I was very impressed.

On the drive home, Mum is really quiet.

Me: `` Can I take you for a tea?”

Mum: “Oh, yes please.”

Over tea:

Me: “Whaddya think?”

Mum: “I liked her. I wouldn’t mind going to see her show.”

Me: “Okay. I will look into that.”

I took my first dose at bedtime and another this morning. I wondered if show tunes might be among the side-effects, but so far so good. No spontaneous rapping yet either. I am....calm, mellow, maybe a tad drowsy. Unlike the extreme hallucinatory reaction I had to a home-made edible when I first started looking into this process for the Mothership, this feeling is...nice. My hands don’t hurt and my neck is moving freely. I could get used to this. I guess I can sacrifice myself to a week’s research for Dear Old Mum. In the name of science and the betterment of humankind of course.

Oh Mum, I so hope this works for you. Western medicines have somewhat failed you and we really have nothing to lose. You deserve some relief as an Elder who worked hard at everything; some late-life quality and more giggles.

This just might do it.

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