#why would I say that

[risohhoho]

so it's not out of the realm of possibility that he:

a: would ask to share underwear with me

b: wouldn't even ask and just take mine to see if he likes the cut & color

c: fight me for the last holiday special edition fur trimmed thong at victoria's secret

[lizziistarz]

she work wonders on my land till it’s showtime

[eve-will-perceive]

I announced to my friends that summer break was over by saying “fun fact, it’s race week”

They thought I was going to say “fun fact, I’m racist”

[cultofmothman]

just told my mom to “have fun” at a fucking memorial service. im going to start eating spiders

[tombxsweetxtomb]

Welp. I put my foot in my mouth at work today. After being ambushed and blocked from my desk with the intent of one of my managers collecting money for a birthday gift for our director, something I was neither made aware of or given any option in, I said “I don’t know why I’m paying for a gift for someone I don’t even like” very loudly in front of a lot of people.

🤦‍♀️

[ghoststarrr]

Y’all ever look back on something you said and PRAY TO GOD HIMSELF ON YOUR KNEES WHILE CRYING AND SCREAMING that they make a Time Machine so you can sucker punch yourself in the face before you say that bullshit⁉️⁉️🤭🤭

[smolvampiregirl]

Time to dump my embarrassment on the internet ... last night my boyfriend kissed me for the first time and I did something hugely embarrassing.

My bf: *kissing me goodbye for the first time as I am leaving*

Me: *forgets his front door has a large step down and falls out the door*

My bf: well I can see this is off to a good start

Me: you took my breath away

Him: starts to laugh

Me: I will message you when I get home if I don't die of embarrassment on the way.

[saebaragi]

when chris lee said he would stop adding nct members i wasn't expecting him to start to TAKE OFF nct members

[descole]

this is the most depressing thing to read bc how do i convince this person that descole, ctoons and now femaleelijahwood are all the same person you just cant not at this point too much time has passed the damage is done but the 15ths keep happening

Tintin remembers what comes after 15.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[pangur-and-grim]

one thing that took me embarrassingly long to learn is "sometimes when people say things, they will not be true."

I used to tell people about this revelation and they'd be like yeah.....duh.....but like, why wouldn't my base assumption be that you're communicating to me in a straightforward manner. anyway, I get scammed a lot.

[batcavescolony]

Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

[gooseseeingred]

Yes

Is the seduction hat™ working?

[applyjoosplease]

you wouldn’t download a graham cracker

[toby-the-mushroom]

oh god I'm such an idiot I was waiting at the bus stop and my crush was standing beside me so I was kinda nervous. he noticed and asked if I was okay so I said "yeah I just get nervous around attractive guys" and I swear I got red right after I said that. that was the moment the bus arrived so now I'm just sitting here hoping I never see him again 💀

[silvers-not-home]

JUST REMEMBERED THAT MY HISTORY TEACHER ASKED MEMOMNMY FIRST SAY OF SOPHOMORE YEAR IF I WRITE FANFICTIOM INFROMNKF THE WHOLE FUCKING CLASS. I WANT TO DIE. KILLING YMSELF TODAY.