#why tf am i here? ik theres nothing wrong with living an ordinary life but i have a purpose right????
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if we dont get to talk to them abt the house on wednesday im seriously going to lose it <3
#ghost boy talks#idk what the situation is we've been hearing bits and pieces for fucking weeks#and now it Should be find because we Should be handing over the deposit on wed#which means house ours no more stress no more weird limbo situation#but like#What If *list of everything that can go wrong in a 2 day span*#i also conveniently keep forgetting i need 2 make a phone call abt this#plus i have a feeling i'm gonna feel worse when we get into the house?#i just realized this im used to having like....u know how when ur in school u have like a point ur waiting to get to.#like finals or spring break or summer yknow? but im going to be living real adult life#where i don't have anything i'm waiting for or any point im trying to get to#cause i have no ambitions and i'm not even considering going back to college until i get therapy#and idek how much stuff i'm gonna have to pay for i can't conceptualize that stuff in my head#like ik how much rent will be but groceries are always iffy cause it depends on whether i eat or not!#i dunno. this is gonna be weird#i didn't think i'd get here so now i'm like well...i stopped having dreams and motivation and shit awhile ago. so now what.#im sitting here thinking why am i still alive but not in a depressed way just like a genuine question??#why tf am i here? ik theres nothing wrong with living an ordinary life but i have a purpose right????#i'm thinking too hard about this but it's interesting to think about because i'm not emotional about it#ik life isn't a story so things dont always have Purpose in that sense but....idk. it feels like they do anyways.#i'm rambling again but it's helping me so whatever#if y'all read my tag essays i love u. mwah.
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