#why setting boundaries is so difficult

[therefugeofbooks]

brain, can i please stop overthinking every small human interaction i have, please, thank you

[hermitagereheadcanons]

this isn't an ask or a request, but I hope you could still post it, because since I found this account the wave of love for this fandom crushed me yet again

not to disclose who I am too much, but here's a fact: I was dealing with pre schoolers as a part of my education(or, well, practice). around the same time I discovered the wonderful world of hermitcraft age regress fics. I myself don't regress, but I find those works insanely comforting. anyways I mentioned my education because, while in fics the looking after might be Way to soft and all-allowing (that YES can be very bad even short term), most of the works show it really well. and not just comforting, but as if the authors know Very Well they are portraying not a parent figure per say, but a "cool uncle that looks after you" type character and I LOVE IT. maybe this says smth about my childhood, maybe it's the overwhelming feeling of love coming from a friendship, but still. kudos to everyone who writes age re in this fandom, I love you.

I still haven't explored the topic of age regression as a study (meaning: I haven't really looked up the real world instances), but I have a feeling that learning about this phenomena in psychology feelings-first from a fictional work was a good idea.

Your ask has actually reminded me why I love this blog. I've been a bit out of touch with the fandom lately, but the sense of community that comes from gathering around something so niche is really nice and I love hearing about it.

I'm glad this type of content can be comforting and enjoyable even if you don't regress!

Also, when I originally had the idea to start this blog, there was very little agere-related content in this fandom that didn't emphasize a parental, set-in-stone caregiver as a key feature. I'm happy to see so much more variety in how people portray it in relation to friends and partners.

[blue-jester]

Why is setting boundaries and calling out things that make you uncomfortable or upset make you feel like such an asshole .

[anonymousisnotavailable]

Telling someone that you don't want to see them or meet up with them is hard. I have been in contact with L ever since, we ended things. It was fine for a while, but now I get annoyed seeing notifications from him. Some of the things he's said has been out of line. And yet I feel anxious about telling him, that I don't want to see him. I have already sent him a text. He had found a small toilet bag, I had forgotten at his place. I had honestly forgotten about its existence. At first I told him, that I was okay without for now. All he wrote back was 'cool'. I almost didn't, but I ended up replying to his one word message. I have told him, that I don't really need the bag. That to be honest I neither feel the need to or want to meet up. Because I really don't. I don't need the bag. I don't wan to drink coffee. I don't want to hear about how sorry for himself he is. I don't want to anything... and yet. I just got his reply, and all he wrote was, "okay then". So now I worry I should have phrased it better. But I was polite, I didn't insult him in any way, or accuse or blame him for anything. So, yes, it was a very short message. But considering the way he uses Snapchat, it felt okay to do in on there. I mean, the guy uses it to share rather serious stuff. While I may feel like my message was plenty serious, it is not on the top of the list. Still, I worry. I know other people's emotions aren't my responsibilty. Not that I shouldn't or don't care. But I cannot control how they feel, so getting anxious won't make a difference. Maybe he is upset. Maybe he thinks, I am total bitch. A bitch that would reply and sometimes send her own snaps, but then I go on to tell him, that I don't want to see him. Maybe he is trying to figure out why. He will for sure tell his mom, when she picks up Carla. Maybe she will think, that I am an awful, awful person to do that to her son. I don't know. It might as well be none of the above. In the end it comes down to me being afraid, that I might be the cause of someone elses' unhappiness. But I should really focus more on my own happiness. I recently read 'The Promise of Happiness'. It talked precisely about how your happiness will sometimes be the cause of unhappiness - or that was one of many points. Sometimes being happy means being a bitch. If that makes any sense. In the end this is, what is best for me. Worrying how L percieved my message won't change anything. I might never get to know, what his thoughts are. All that matters (no matter how selfish that sounds) is, that I was honest, and that I wasn't rude about it. It was straight to the point. Normally I would prefer being able to see the other person's facial expressions. But my psychologist once told me, that it doesn't matter whether you do it via text, a phone call or face to face. What matters is setting boundaries. People often get upset, when you set boundaries. I get it. It can be uncomfortable as fuck.

[hawnks]

Takami Keigo doesn't want to see you.

Of course, he's too well trained to say it in so many words, but when he 'forgets' his session this afternoon, you get the message.

Unfortunately for him, you're stubborn. You show up at his apartment in the dormitories, ring his bell until your fingers numb.

Only then does he crack open the door, just enough for you to catch his forbidding smile, a caustic gleam to his eyes. "What can I help you with, this fine evening?"

"You missed our appointment," you say pleasantly. "This is the third time."

"Oh, must have just slipped my mind," he says with a dismissive little wave. "I'll catch you next time."

The door slams in your face.

Being so curtly dismissed by a top ranking officer should probably send you into a panic, but the stats you pulled up for him after his no-show are even more concerning. This is quickly turning into an emergency, and unfortunately it's your job on the line if he succumbs to corruption.

Who would blame the second most powerful Sentinel alive, when there's a feckless guide as a scapegoat.

"I'm going to ring the bell again," you say, loudly.

After a moment of silence, you think he must not have heard you.

Then the door swings open. "Fine," he snaps.

You follow him to the living room, watch as he drops himself on the couch with a sigh, eyes squeezed shut.

You'd never known guiding to be this much of a chore for Sentinels. Most of your roster is rather clingy and covetous of your time. None of them has ever been late to an appointment with you.

"Well?" he prods. "Get on with it."

You hesitate. The tension he seems to be holding will make this a lot more difficult, strenuous for you both. "Do you maybe want to talk for a bit? Or I could put on some white noise."

He opens his eyes just enough to give you a cutting look. "No."

You surrender with a sigh, coming to sit next to him on the couch. Every Sentinel prefers contact a different way; some want you to hug them, pet their hair, a few have even asked you to kiss them, fuck them, though you've never fulfilled that type of request, your boundaries in this job too firm for it.

You want to ask him what would make this easier for him, but you're sure waiting any longer will only set him off. So, delicately, you take his hand.

The first draw is always the hardest, the corrupt energy being nullified by your own. Some outside force reaching in, invasive despite the relief.

Takami flinches.

You go slower, a soft steady ebb, pulling the poison from him in silken thread.

His hand relaxes in yours.

You reach deeper, welcoming the full flood between you, warmth and light suffusing you both. And it feels how it's supposed to -- natural.

When your watch chimes, signaling the sessions end, Takami blinks out of his stupor. He'd melted during the thirty minutes you worked on him, body curled toward yours, face falling onto your shoulder.

He pulls away swiftly, shocked by his own willingness to lean on you.

You rise, marking off the details of your appointment on your tablet. "I can come back tomorrow, to finish up. You haven't been guided in a long time, so I couldn't get it all in one session. Does 2pm work for you?"

He's not prepared for the question. "Um. Yeah?"

You mark that down as well, then see yourself out.

It takes three more sessions for you to fully clear the corrupted energy from his body. In his haze he admits to you the reason he's so standoffish to Guides, why he dodges his sessions with such fervor.

"It's never felt good. Always felt like I'm being held down, trapped. Made me feel antsy, nervous." He buries his face against your throat, inhaling deeply. You'd started off just holding his hand again, but now he hugs your entire arm against his chest, your fingers twined. "It's not like that with you."

"I'm glad, Mr. Takami," you return. "Please don't ignore my emails from now on."

As you make your notes, you ask him his availability for next month.

He blinks at you. "You're not coming back tomorrow?"

You check your calendar. You'd had to push back several of your regular appointments to make room for the past few days. "I'm booked solid for the next two weeks, at least."

You glance at him, taking in his appearance, his general well being. You reach a hand out to cup his cheek, urging him to meet your eyes. He startles, first, before leaning into your touch.

"You seem fine," you decide, pulling away, already heading for the door. "I'll contact you later about our next session."

He trails after you, linger at the precipice as you take the elevator back down to your floor.

...

He never ignores you emails, after that.

In fact, he sends many of his own. He gets your phone number, somehow. Some days he shows up with coffee, or snacks, sits with you on the couch while you eat.

He's always touching you during those times, brushing hair behind your ears or straightening your shirt collar. Mostly he just holds your hand, playing with your fingers or clutching it in his own lap.

You don't guide him during any of these impromptu visits, too weary from the rest of your overfull schedule -- but you've heard of this type of attachment from other Guides.

Sentinels tend to imprint on guides they have a decent connection with. Part survival instinct, part status seeking. A Sentinel without a guide is doomed. A Sentinel with a high match-rate is likely to be stronger than their peers.

But that's the thing about un-bonded Sentinels, they're always on the lookout for a better Guide, their perfect mate.

Takami is overly attached to you now, but it will pass.

...

Or so you thought.

You're sent out into the aftermath of a battle that rocks the city. Dozens of Sentinels pushed themselves to the breaking point, on the brink of corruption, about to turn into the very monsters they fight to suppress.

You spot Takami in the midst of the wreckage. Exhausted, but giving you a shakey smile when your eyes meet. He limps toward you, so glad to see you, so ready for the safety and warmth of your arms--

Someone calls your name. Urgent, an emergency. Another Sentinel with no one to take care of them.

You turn away from Takami, and you go.

He'd fought hard, but his body has grown used to the abuse over the years. He's in bad shape, but it's not life-threatening like some of the others you help today.

It's hours before you can see him.

Slumped on a curb, hands folded neatly in his lap. Like he's been waiting so patiently for you this whole time.

You come to your knees before him, letting him take your hands, draw you closer. "Why didn't you go to another Guide?"

Surely he could have found someone else, despite the chaos of the scene. If not you, one of the high ranking Guides, slotted exclusively for S-rank Sentinels.

He looks at you, trembling, confused. "I don't want another Guide."

When he asks if you'll hold him, you do. You take him in your arms, let his weight settle on you. Feel his warmth all around you, his breath against your shoulder.

"And I don't want you to guide anyone else," he murmurs.

You stroke his nape. "I know. I'm sorry. You'll find your Guide soon enough, and then you can have each other all to yourselves."

His grip tightens. He braces you against him -- instead of a heady tightness, you're constricted.

"I already found my Guide," he whispers into your throat.

Then he bites.

[prettyobsessed]

‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ 🪐༘Temptation Whispers Home 🍵‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

⁺₊ / pairings: Xavier / fem!reader ✩ / genre: smut [nsfw 18+, mdni] ₊˚ / tags: nsfw, smut with plot, story plot smut, masturbation, mutual attraction, grinding, soft sex, slighty rough sex, cowgirl position, lots of teasing, fingering, lots of kisses, unprotected sex, mouth job, hand job, kissing, nipple stimulation, clit stimulation, neck kink, nipple kink smut, spanking, facial cumshot, mature sexual content ☾ / word count: 6.6k

✧summary✧ *ੈ♡⸝⸝🪐༘⋆ Amidst the allure of Xavier's presence and the intoxicating atmosphere, the narrator grapples with their desire for intimacy and the uncertainty that shrouds their relationship. The scene pulses with tension and longing as they navigate the complexities of unspoken desires and emotional boundaries, hinting at a deeper connection waiting to be explored. ﹌﹌﹌

“I couldn’t control myself, and resisting you any longer has become increasingly difficult. It's as if you've cast a spell over me. It feels almost criminal—the effect you have on me."

☄. *. ⋆ Standing before my wardrobe, indecision settled upon my shoulders like an unwelcome guest. Meeting Tara, my best friend, shouldn't have been so complicated, yet there I was, deliberating over my outfit for nearly half an hour.

The events of last Saturday lingered in my thoughts, seemingly crept up on me—the night Xavier and I went to the club and things got… dangerously flirty.

Facing the mirror, I examined myself wearing my pastel blue thong, a reminder of Xavier lingering in my mind. "Am I wearing this intentionally with him in mind?" I paused, questioning my motives. "Stop. I’m not even meeting him today. Why bother?" I murmured to myself, shaking off the distraction, but not wanting to change out of the thong.

I was jolted back to reality when my phone notification bell rang. Glancing up at the screen, I noticed today’s date: Monday, 5th February. 2:28pm. With a resigned sigh, I selected a grey mini skirt paired with a white off-shoulder top, its thin fabric ideal for the anticipated hot day. Gathering my hair into a bun, I applied a spritz of Bare Vanilla to my neck and wrists, relishing in the comforting scent of my current favourite fragrance. Slipping into my trusty black boots and grabbing my bag, I hurried out the door, ensuring I hadn’t left anything behind and securing the automated lock. Venturing further from my apartment, a nagging thought crept into my mind. "Did I forget something?" But with Tara waiting, I pushed the thought aside and continued on my way.

"Today was a blast! Thanks for showing me around,” Tara exclaimed with enthusiasm. “Let’s go out again next week! See ya!” she chirped, waving energetically as she walked away. "Bye, Tara!” I called out with a playful pout. After bidding her farewell, I set off on my journey home, only to be caught off guard by an unexpected downpour. In an instant, I was soaked through from head to toe.

Frantically rummaging through my bag, I realised my oversight. "Damn it, I forgot my umbrella," I muttered, feeling water seep into every crevice. Drenched from head to toe, I cursed my forgetfulness as the heavy rain continued to pour down. I sprinted towards my apartment, each step weighed down by the rain-soaked clothes clinging from my hair to my body. Finally reaching my doorstep, I encountered another setback. Attempting to use my keycard, the electronic lock flashed an ominous "System error. System error." 

Recalling the maintenance warning, I hadn't anticipated it causing such immediate inconvenience. Frustration bubbled up within me as I futilely tried my security passcode, only to be met with the same error message. Feeling the urgency, I contacted the security of the building regarding the issue. They reassured that the issue would be resolved with a reboot in approximately 2 hours. 

Two hours. What am I going to do? I can't even go anywhere in this heavy downpour.

Just as despair threatened to overwhelm me, I heard the click of a door unlocking behind me. Turning, I saw Xavier, my neighbor and hunting partner, emerging from his apartment. He was clad in a cozy knit sweater, exuding warmth and an irresistible charm. "Ehem. Oh hi, Xavier," I greeted him, attempting to conceal my discomfort, yet pleasantly surprised and blushing at his appearance.

Xavier's expression shifted from surprise to concern as he observed my sodden appearance. Attempting to discreetly cover myself, the sheer fabric of my wet clothes left little to the imagination. "What happened? Are you okay?" he asked, moving closer and sensing my distress. With a sheepish smile, I explained the situation, gesturing helplessly at the malfunctioning lock and the relentless rain outside. Xavier's tense expression softened, replaced by empathy. "Ohh… hmm, would you like to come inside first?," Xavier offered, his voice warm with concern. "You need to dry off and warm up. I'll make us some tea."

Gratefully accepting his offer, I stepped into his cozy apartment with a mixture of relief and embarrassment. 

The warmth of the place enveloped me, dispelling the coldness of the rain-soaked evening. Xavier's gaze lingered on me, a mixture of concern and something more primal flickering in his eyes as he took in my drenched attire. His breath deepened, and he swallowed nervously. Quickly averting his eyes, his cheeks flushed slightly. I couldn't help but notice his expression. Was it because of that night? The memory of our encounter hung between us, adding an awkward tension to the air.

Sorry about the inconvenience," I mumbled, attempting to hide my soaked top with my hands, growing increasingly self-conscious. Xavier shook his head, offering a reassuring smile while guiding me further inside. "No need to apologise. I wouldn't want you catching a cold. Let me grab you a towel and some dry clothes," he said as his hand brushed mine for a split second before disappearing into another room.

His touch, feather-light against mine, sent a sudden chill coursing through me in response to this familiar connection. As I waited, I couldn't help but replay the memory of my (not so) drunken encounter with Xavier that night. The thought sent a shiver racing down my spine, kindling a slow, simmering heat within. When Xavier returned with a towel and a set of dry clothes, I accepted them gratefully, retreating to the bathroom to change. As I entered, I carefully place the dry clothes on the countertop.

Glancing into the mirror, I was startled to find myself drenched by the rain, the droplets clinging to my skin like shimmering diamonds. As I reached up to adjust my hair, I noticed the transparency of my top, revealing more than I intended. My heart raced as I realised the shape of my breasts was clearly outlined, a blush creeping up my cheeks at the thought that Xavier might have noticed it. A rush of embarrassment and arousal collided within me. Unable to resist the pull of memory, I tentatively traced the curve of my lips to my body, the touch reminiscent of Xavier's from that unforgettable night. His hands had possessed a magnetic power, leaving an indelible mark on my senses. ☄. *. ⋆ ﹌﹌﹌ Flashback

It was 1 am, and Xavier and I were still in the club. I remember vividly slow dancing to "Alone With You" by Alina Baraz. Xavier stood protectively in front of me, alert to any wandering eyes. "Something 'bout the look on your face, as you feelin’ a way, baby, I feel it too," I mouthed the lyrics to Xavier, my hands roaming over him, on his chest, on his neck—lost in the moment, and I noticed Xavier was smirking, looking at me, seeming to enjoy it. After spending countless hours partnering with Xavier in battle against the Wanderers, it became inevitable that I would begin to harbour feelings for him—admiring his sweetness, his mannerisms, his unwavering protectiveness, and God, that voice of his.

For months, I had been secretly listening to his voice notes, touching myself, feeling aroused by the softness of his tone. It's almost as if I am protected and safe just by listening to him.

I'm convinced that Xavier feels the same way because of all the signals he's been giving me, indicating his affection. However, despite this certainty, a hint of doubt lingers. It felt as if there was an undeniable distance—a boundary he was setting between us.

That night in the club, emboldened by alcohol’s courage, I found myself drawn closer to Xavier, scrutinising his features under the dim lights. His eyes gleamed like distant stars, captivating me with their allure. He was undeniably beautiful. As our gazes met, a mixture of confusion and intrigue danced in his eyes, shrouding him in an enigmatic aura I couldn't quite unravel.

I just want to kiss him so badly. Drawing tantalisingly close, I draped my arm over Xavier's neck as we swayed to the music, our bodies magnetically drawn together. His scent was nearly angelic, with perfume notes reminiscent of grapefruit and bergamot, further adding to his allure. Xavier's gaze lingered on me, intense and wanting, yet unable to voice his desires. Playfully, I nibbled on my lip, feeling the electric tension between us, sensing his arousal. Slyly, I guided his hands to my waist, silently granting permission as we moved to the slow rhythm.

Locked in a flirtatious exchange, I met his gaze, a silent invitation passing between us. Body to body, eye to eye, the tension was palpable. Positioning myself on my back, I purposefully initiated a sensual grind against him, daringly pushing the boundaries of the game. My fingers lingered close to his neck, and there, he reciprocated. Xavier was feeling me—his hands on my body as my hips ground against his clothed erection, causing it to grow harder.

The pulse of his arousal reverberated through me, igniting a fervent craving deep within my core. Both of us were lost in the moment, slowly moving to the rhythm of the music.

Turning my body back to him, I absorbed the expression etched on Xavier’s face. It was one I wished I could freeze forever. His endearing innocence, accentuated by a rosy blush, amplified the allure that made resisting him a futile endeavour. He exuded a captivating blend of bliss and longing, as if silently begging for more. Yet, despite his evident desire, Xavier exercised restraint. "Y/N, please," he implored softly. "You're drunk.”

With an insatiable longing, I took in every detail of his eyes, tracing the soft contours of his lips before locking eyes with him once more. "I'm not drunk...yet," I murmured softly, a breathless neediness creeping into my voice, as if daring him to push the boundaries further.

Should I take the leap and make the first move? Lost in the moment, I couldn't resist the pull any longer. Just as I was about to lean in closer to him, he beat me to it. “Then, can I kiss you...? You look so pretty, I can't resist anymore,” he asked, his tone filled with neediness and helplessness. I knew it. I knew Xavier was into me, but hearing his verbal confession still caught me off guard, filling me with a heady mix of anticipation and delight. With a seductive curl of my lips into a grin, I wordlessly granted him my consent, sealing our mutual desire with a brief but intense kiss upon his lips. The giddy sensation from the kiss lingered, but Xavier's insistence on escorting me home carried a tender urgency, his need to ensure my safety blending seamlessly with the unspoken longing that hung between us.

Did Xavier really think I was that drunk? That I was unaware of my own actions? My heart pounded with a mixture of anticipation and uncertainty as I unlocked the door with my keycard and gently laid myself down on my bed. Xavier's presence beckoned irresistibly, and I couldn't help but notice the way his eyes flickered with a mixture of desire and restraint, mirroring my own conflicting emotions. Craving his touch, I reached for his hand and pulled him down beside me, my fingers trembling with anticipation. We kissed again, our bodies gravitating closer, and his touch on my chin sent a rush of warmth coursing through me, banishing any doubts or hesitations I may have had.

"You have such soft skin," Xavier murmured, his fingers outlining my shoulders to my body. His words ignited a delicious tingle throughout me as we continued to share kisses. Feeling a surge of desire, I decided to intensify the intimacy. With a bold move, I rose from my seated position and straddled him, feeling the heat of his arousal pressing against me. As our bodies aligned, I began to move with a slow, tantalising rhythm, grinding against his clothed erection with increasing fervour. Each motion sent waves of pleasure coursing through us both, heightening the intensity of our connection. Xavier's hands explored every curve of my body, his touch adding fuel to the fire.

Yet, amidst the intoxicating haze of lust, a lingering question nagged at my mind: What was holding him back? Was it fear, responsibility, or perhaps something else entirely? "You make me feel so safe," I whispered into his ear, my hands roaming over his body, eliciting soft whimpers of pleasure with both our clothes still intact.

But just as the intensity peaked, Xavier abruptly halted our exchange, reminding me of the blurred lines in our current situation. He gently grasped both of my wrists, then cupped my cheek in a tender gesture. “Stop,” he whispered, his voice laced with regret. “We can't do this. You're drunk, Y/N.” His words were both a plea and an apology, his gaze filled with admiration yet tinged with sorrow. “My god, look at you,” he continued, his tone filled with longing. “So... so pretty like this. But no, I can't... we can't—not like this. I'm sorry.”

As Xavier's lips brushed against my forehead, a whirlwind of conflicting emotions surged through me, mingling with the warmth of his affectionate gesture. I felt the weight of unspoken words hanging in the air, the lingering echo of our shared desire, and the ache of unfulfilled longing. With each heartbeat, I struggled to reconcile the tenderness of his kiss with the sudden emptiness left in his wake as he quietly slipped out the door, leaving me to grapple with the unresolved tension between us.

The morning sunlight filtered gently through the sheer curtains, casting a warm glow across the room as I found myself lost in a whirlwind of memories from the previous night. Each moment replayed in my mind with vivid clarity, revealing truths I hadn't fully grasped in the haze of last night. Amidst the tumult of my thoughts, a simple text message interrupted my reverie, stirring a mix of relief and anticipation within me. 'Hey, U up? how r u feeling?’ The words, though brief, carried a weight of concern and care that warmed my heart. However, amidst the exhaustion and emotional whirlwind of the night before, I succumbed to sleep before replying to Xavier. Flashback ends

﹌﹌﹌ ♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧

With a shaky exhale, I snapped back to reality and shifted my focus away from the mirror. Peeling off my damp clothes, I slipped into the garments Xavier had passed to me earlier—a cozy grey jumper, white sweatpants and a pair of fuzzy socks. They carried the fresh scent of recently laundered fabric, infused with the comforting aroma of rosy detergent.

Carefully, I hung my wet clothes on an empty rack and used the towel to pat my hair dry. Exiting the bathroom, I spotted Xavier seated on the couch, his eyes heavy with drowsiness. The sound of the bathroom door closing startled him, jolting him awake from the brink of sleep. Squinting against the room light, he offered a warm smile as I approached. "Hey, you're back," he greeted, stretching his arms out in a lazy stretch. I thanked Xavier for the clothes and socks, feeling a rush of gratitude for his thoughtfulness. In response, he gestured towards a steaming cup of honey milk tea he had prepared, knowing it was my favourite. Next to it were a variety of cupcakes from the bakery shop he had visited earlier. I smiled, touched by his effort to please my palate. 

Sitting beside him on the couch, the television hummed softly in the background — casting a soothing ambiance over the room. However, the silence between us grew palpable, prompting me to break the ice. Despite the flickering images on the television screen, neither of us spoke, lost in our own thoughts. "So, any good shows on TV lately?" I ventured, trying to ease the tension with a casual conversation.

Xavier shook his head, his gaze distant as he stared at the screen. Sensing his unease, I shifted closer, determined to bridge the gap between us. "Did you went out today?" I asked gently, hoping to draw him out of his reverie. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah… I went for a run, just trying to clear my head," he admitted, his voice tinged with exhaustion. Concerned, I reached out to him, offering my support. "Do you need any help? I'm here for you," I reassured him, squeezing his hand comfortingly, at the same time taking a sip of the tea. As I reached out to comfort him, I couldn’t help but notice the subtle change in Xavier’s demeanour. Before I could dwell on the intensity of the moment, Xavier broached a topic that caught me off guard.

"Do you remember anything from last Saturday?" he asked suddenly, his tone hesitant.

Startled, I choked on my tea, the liquid spilling onto my shirt in an embarrassing display of clumsiness. "Shit. Umm. I-I don't remember... anything. At all. Um, what happened?" I stammered, my attempt to hide my discomfort only adding to the awkwardness of the moment.  As I fumbled to clean up the mess, a flurry of apologies spilled from my lips, each one a feeble attempt to distract from the truth lingering beneath the surface. In reality, I remembered everything from that night, every touch and detail etched into my memory with perfect clarity. Yet, despite this knowledge, I found myself unable to speak the truth, to acknowledge the undeniable connection that had formed between us. 

Was I denying my own feelings too, or simply afraid to confront them?

Xavier’s observation of my discomfort only added to my embarrassment, leaving me at a loss for words. 

"Sounds like a lie," he teased, a mischievous grin playing on his lips as his eyes twinkled with amusement. I headed to the kitchen to fetch more napkins. Sensing my unease, he too reached to grab for more and gently dabbed at the spilled tea on my shirt. I felt a sudden chill spread through my body, causing both my nipples to harden in response. A faint blush crept onto my cheeks as Xavier's gaze lingered on my reaction. Despite my attempts to conceal my arousal, the unspoken tension between us hung palpably in the air, underscored by the knowing smile tugged at the corners of Xavier’s lips.

Embarrassed, I deflected his words once more, particularly after he had already noticed my body's response to his touch. I turned back to check for any more spills on the couch, but I was stopped when Xavier enveloped me in a comforting hug from behind. I melted into his embrace, his warmth intoxicating as it seeped into mine. "I can't stop thinking about you ever since that night," Xavier confessed softly, his lips brushing against my ear. My heart raced at his words, a dangerous sweetness enveloping me in his proximity—a rush of desire mingled with uncertainty.

As Xavier opened up further, his words poured out in a rush of honesty. He confessed that he had been unable to sleep after sending me home that night, his thoughts consumed by visions of me. He admitted to finding solace only in fantasies of me, even resorting to pleasuring himself while imagining me in his arms. His confession sent a thrill through me, leaving me flushed and craving his touch even more.

"Every time I'm with you, it's like my heart skips a beat," he confessed, his voice heavy with desire and neediness. "I've wanted nothing more than to protect you, keep you safe, be by your side, and to make you happy. So I buried those feelings deep down because I wasn't sure if you felt the same way. But that night, I couldn't fight it anymore. You were so… irresistible. You’re like an addiction I can't shake off, and I don't want to. You drive me crazy in the best way possible, and I can't get enough of you."

As his embrace deepened, Xavier tenderly nuzzled his nose against my neck before trailing his lips to my collarbone.

“I couldn’t control myself, and resisting you any longer has become increasingly difficult. It's as if you've cast a spell over me. It feels almost criminal—the effect you have on me," he continued, a slight laugh in his voice, his arms wrapping tightly around my body as he whispered into my ear. “I find myself craving your presence, your touch, and those mesmerising eyes of yours... I just can’t get you off my mind. I just wanna know if you feel the same way too.”

Feeling unable to hold back any longer, I bare my feelings for him, summoning the courage to confess how I couldn’t resist touching myself to his voice notes every night. I found myself lost in their soothing cadence, a mixture of comfort and arousal intertwining in my mind. But it's not just his voice that ensnares me; it's the tenderness and kindness he exudes, weaving a tapestry of longing and connection that I find impossible to evade.

I felt the atmosphere shift, the tension palpable between us.

Xavier’s voice caught, his tone laced with surprise. “Every night? Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I could have offered more than just… voice notes,” he said. His smile turned playful, revealing a side of him I hadn’t seen before. I playfully nudged his arm, attempting to escape his embrace, but he only tightened his hold, and I could feel his erection growing bigger.

His refusal to release his embrace made my body quiver in anticipation. His hands explored my curves, silently pleading for more as I pressed closer against him. Pausing before speaking again, he exhaled with longing. “Do you want me to continue? Please, please say yes,' he pleaded, his lips grazing my neck before tenderly moving to my cheeks.

Yes. A million times yes. I’ve been waiting for this moment. Are you kidding me?

With a nod of approval and verbally expressing my consent, I closed my eyes, surrendering to his touch. His hands cupped my breasts, easing away the tension with each caress. I savoured his scent mingling with mine as he moaned softly, his fingers finding their way to tease and tantalise my nipples through the fabric of my shirt. Gradually, his hands ventured beneath my shirt, firmly squeezing and grabbing my bare breasts and skin, eliciting an ecstatic moan from me in response. Moved by the urge to reciprocate and heighten Xavier’s pleasure, my hands reached toward his arousal, gently palming his hardness through the fabric of his pants. I slowly ground my ass against his firm erection, deliberately driving him wild. With slow, deliberate movements, I began to rub and stroke him, intent on bringing him the same pleasure he was offering me. As I explored his size, he felt long and slender beneath my touch—leaving my core suddenly feeling empty and wet.

As Xavier's lips pressed tender kisses onto my shoulder, a gentle sigh escaped my lips as he brushed against the subtle fragrance of my Bare Vanilla perfume, very faint, nestled just below my ear. He paused, inhaling deeply, his expression transforming into one of unmistakable pleasure. "I love this scent on you," he whispered, his voice saturated with desire.

“Can't wait to taste you,” he continued, his tone low and dark, brimming with longing and need. Xavier’s movements became more fervent, accompanied by soft moans escaping his lips. In response, his hands found their way to slip into my pants and gently circle my clothed clit with his thumb, applying just the right amount of pressure to send waves of pleasure coursing through my body. With his other arm, he pulled me closer to him, our bodies pressed tightly together. I melted into his touch, arching my back and resting my head on his shoulder, silently conveying my pleasure. His lips continued their exploration, trailing kisses along my neck and intensifying their attention on my shoulders. With a gentle yet decisive movement, Xavier turned me by my waist, now facing him. Our bodies were so close that I could feel his erection pressing against my stomach.

He then showered my neck with more kisses, his hands finding their way to grip my ass and lightly tap it. In response, I teasingly traced my fingers under his shirt, returning his kisses with passion. I love the way Xavier is making me feel. Unable to resist any longer, I halted our playfulness and took his hand, leading him to the living room where we settled onto the couch. With tender care, I nestled onto his lap, sinking into the plush cushions as we enveloped each other in a warm embrace.

As our kisses deepened, Xavier's touch grew insatiable, his fingers eagerly exploring every curve of my body as I straddled him. Each caress heightened my awareness of his growing arousal, fuelling my desire for him to be even more aroused. Yielding to my playful instincts, I decided to tease him further by rising from his lap and treating him to a seductive strip tease. With deliberate grace, I peeled away my shirt and pants, revealing myself in nothing but socks and a pastel blue lace thong, the anticipation hanging thick in the air between us.

"My favourite panties. Mmm," he murmured, his breath deepening as he swallowed, his fingers grazing the thin fabric of the thong, causing the elastic band to snap against my skin. Recollections of our initial meetings flooded my mind, vividly reminding me of the moments when his gaze lingered upon me, captivated by the sight of those particular panties. It was during one such encounter, as I leaned down to retrieve a plushie that had slipped from my grasp, that his eyes seemed unable to stray from the enticing sight. "Thank the lucky stars I have a sixth sense," I replied with a playful twinkle in my eye, savouring the anticipation building between us. He persisted in teasing and pleasuring me, eliciting gasps of desire from my lips as I yearned for more. 

I caught Xavier’s lips curling slightly at my words, a sight that filled with delight at his unbridled desire. The way he looked at me, all heated and giddy, added fuel to the fire of my own arousal. As I stood there, basking in his gaze, I couldn't help but feel a rush of excitement coursing through me, heightened by the contrast of the cool air against my exposed skin, mingling with the warmth radiating from our entwined bodies.

Xavier pulled me back onto his lap, his hands enveloping mine as he peppered soft kisses upon my palm. Moving with a tender yet urgent desire, his lips trailed from my hand to my nipples, where he sucked gently. Meanwhile, his hands eagerly gripped my ass, pulling me closer to him, eliciting a soft moan from me as I watched his lewd act unfold before me. He gasped for air after his arousing exploration of my nipples, feeling his breath hot against my skin. Cupping his face in my hands, I showered him with soft, lingering kisses, starting from his rosy cheeks, then trailing a path to his inviting lips, his cute nose, and finally, his smooth forehead. In response, he reciprocated within seconds, returning my kisses with equal passion which made me giggle due to the ticklish sensation.

My fingers then glide through his beautiful hair, allowing myself to revel in the moment. The warmth of Xavier's embrace enveloping me in a sense of security and passion. As my hands trailed down to his chest, I felt the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my touch. With a playful glint in my eyes, I deliberately circled my hips, relishing in the pleasure as I teased his arousal through the fabric of his pants with each subtle movement.

Xavier’s hungry eyes devoured my naked body, each glance feeling like a caress. Suddenly, his hand came down on my ass with a sharp spank, a playful punishment for my naughtiness. I gasped in surprise, but the thrill of his touch only made my core throb with anticipation.

There’s something so sexy in being the one who’s stripped down to just panties and socks, while being locked in a heated embrace with a fully clothed man.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do this,” he moaned, his eyes growing darker, indicating his eagerness to do more than just kiss and spank me tonight. “You don’t have to listen to my voice notes anymore,” he continued, murmuring huskily with his hands gripping my ass as he held me close. “I can talk you through it anytime you want…from now onwards, every night.” Xavier’s gaze locked with mine.

His words made me blush even more, the heat rising in my cheeks, intensifying my need for him. Xavier offering to talk me through my orgasms? Like? Holy fuck. The mere thought made my mind dance with tantalizing fantasies and wander to all sorts of delicious scenarios, stirring a wild craving that pulsed through every inch of my being, leaving me squirming with anticipation.

“Oh really? You sure you won’t be tired?” I teased, leaning in closer and playfully biting his lower lip, a flirty glint in my eyes as I recalled his tendency to doze off during the day. “For you, I’ll stay awake all night,” he replied, his tone brimming with determination and desire. His hands reached for mine, kissing it tenderly, his expression filled with an ardent longing. I never imagined Xavier could be so utterly infatuated with me. His shy demeanour was nowhere to be found. It's surprising how unabashedly sexy he sounds. Yearning to taste him, my heart raced with anticipation as I gracefully rose from his lap, positioning myself on the ground before him —in a low kneel position. 

Looking into Xavier’s eyes, I began to explore his thighs, running my hands over the fabric of his pants until I reached his undeniable arousal. Slowly, I pulled down his pants slightly, revealing his full glory beneath. His erection stood proudly, a glistening bead of precum at its tip. 

I moaned at the sight of his long and slender erection in my hands, wondering if I could take it all inside me.

As I leaned in closer, I moistened my lips, preparing to take him into my mouth. With a gentle touch, I traced circles along his shaft, feeling him twitch beneath my touch. A low groan escaped his lips, spurring me on. With a deliberate motion, I applied a slick of saliva, ensuring smooth entry as I enveloped Xavier in warmth. Our eyes locked onto each other, maintaining unbroken contact, heightening the intensity between us.

He reached out, his fingers tangling in my hair, holding it in place to make it easier for me to pleasure him with my tongue.

The taste of him was intoxicating, his musky scent filling my senses as I savoured each lick and tease. Despite the difficulty of accommodating his sizeable erection in my mouth because of its length, I persisted. With every moan that escaped his lips, I felt a surge of satisfaction, knowing that my efforts were driving him wild. The sound of my gagging only added to the intensity of the moment, sending vibrations of pleasure humming through my throat.

“Yes…just like that. You’re doing so good” Xavier cooed, his moans like music to my ears. He lets me have my way with him, without any resistance or coercion, which only fuels my desire to engage in even more naughty, sinful acts with him.

Deciding to delay climaxing for the moment, Xavier withdraws his erection from my mouth and gently lifts me from my position. With care, he settles me back onto the couch, lying me down on it with tenderness. He shifts my leg, positioning it between his body and mine. As my legs find their place between us, he pauses to admire my beauty, playfully pinching my nipples and tracing kisses along my skin. My body shudders in response to his touch, aching for more with each caress. Xavier then firmly grasps my thighs and gently pushes them down, exposing me completely to his gaze. With my legs draped over my stomach, he continues to explore my body with his hands, his fingers eventually finding their way to my clit, concealed just enough beneath my pastel blue thong.

His voice carries a smooth sweetness, almost velvety—wrapping around me with a seductive undertone as he posed his question. “How long have you been fantasising about me?” his words hung between us, punctuated by soft kisses planted on my thighs before he continued. His relentless teasing drove me to the brink of madness. My throbbing clit yearned for the exquisite touch of his tongue, yet he tantalisingly denied me, his lips lingering maddeningly close but only grazing my trembling thighs, making my clit throb more.

"Ever since I first saw you!" I exclaimed, my voice tinged with a hint of moan. Xavier's grin widened, his pride evident as he heard my response. "That night in the club, you were teasing me so hard and grinding on me," he continued, his tone playful yet curious. "Were you intentionally trying to arouse me, or was it simply the influence of alcohol?" Xavier asked again, his gaze searching for the truth as he peppered kisses near my core, teasingly close, tempting me with his seductive proximity.

"I only had two shots of tequila. I just couldn’t resist teasing you," I confessed, a playful smirk tugging at my lips. "You looked so good in that lighting, and I couldn’t help it. I got so horny just thinking about how it would feel to have that dick inside me," I added, feeling a rush of excitement at his attention, my tone teasing and flirtatious.

Xavier moaned in response to my confession, visibly pleased, his hand stroking his erection as he became aroused. He gave a sudden, firm lick against the fabric of my thong, where my clit was hidden, drawing a whimper from me in anticipation. In one swift motion, he grabs the waistband of my panties and pulls them away from me, leaving me exposed to his eager gaze. With unwavering focus, he directed all of his attention to my clit, eliciting moans of pleasure from me. He lavished it with his tongue as though it were his favourite dessert. The sensation was unlike anything I'd ever felt before, far more intense than anything I could achieve alone, and I couldn't help but moan with pleasure at every lick. 

His hands gripped firmly on both my thighs, pushing them down to spread my folds even more, exposing my bare clit to his eager mouth. Xavier's expert attention had me writhing with desire, every touch sending waves of pleasure through me. I was soaked to the core, and Xavier showed no signs of stopping. His tongue danced over my folds at a rapid pace, driving me wild with each flick. The sensation was so intense that my hands instinctively ran through his hair.

When he fucked my clit repeatedly with his tongue, it sent me over the edge, and I couldn’t help but cum hard, my body shaking with pleasure as my pussy clenched in response. As I trembled from the intense climax, Xavier lifted his head, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips. "I wanna feel you," he whispered, his voice dripping with lust, each word sending a jolt of excitement through me.

Xavier's demeanour caught me off guard. Despite his angelic appearance, it was clear that he possessed a dark side, prompting me to reassess just how innocent he really was. While I adored both aspects of him, his freaky side held a particularly irresistible allure that turned me on. I push Xavier's face away from my clit, commanding him to get back to his seated position on the couch. The act of asserting control over him seems to intensify his arousal.

With an intense hunger in my core reserved solely for his manhood, I rise to straddle him once more—my favourite position. Perched on his lap, I ensure his throbbing erection aligns perfectly with my clit. With a teasing bounce, I let my breasts jiggle, tempting him further. "Your wish is my command, sir," I whisper, biting my lip, relishing the anticipation of being in control. I coat his shaft with my saliva several times, ensuring it's slick and ready for our pleasure. Each application of saliva is deliberate, my movements slow and teasing as I take my time to ensure he's adequately lubricated for what I have planned next.

His hands and fingers delicately traced the bottom of my feet, moving up to my legs, ensuring I felt stabilised and secure. His protective touch made my head swim with giddiness and my body ache with desire once again.

Deliberately, I glide Xavier's erection against my clit, relishing the pleasure that courses through both of us, evident in his uncontrollable moans. "You feel so good, yeah just like that… don't stop," Xavier gasped, his voice strained with pleasure. It was as if every nerve in his body had been set alight, flooding him with an intense wave of pleasure that left him breathless. The lewdness of my actions only serves to heighten my arousal, matching his fervour. As if guiding him into my pussy, I instead tease his erection with just the outer folds of my clit, luxuriating in the sensation. Xavier responds with lust-filled moans, his hands exploring my body with eager anticipation.I particularly enjoy the sensation of his thumb and index finger pinching my nipples, and I can't resist sucking on his fingers for added pleasure.

Continuing to tease him, I grind on his erection until I'm dripping wet and unable to hold back any longer. The desperate need to feel him inside me consumes me. Finally, I coat my hands with saliva once more before slowly guiding his dick inside me. The initial stretch is overwhelming, his lengthy and slender shaft momentarily causing concern, but soon I find myself accommodating him comfortably. As he fills me, a moan of relief and pleasure escapes my lips, echoing Xavier's own moans of satisfaction.

He praises me for taking all of him, his words stirring a sense of pride and determination within me, fuelling my desire to please him even more. Starting with a slow grind, I gradually increase the pace, bouncing fervently on his cock. The sensation of him filling me up completely ignites a primal need within me, urging me to move faster. With each thrust, I clench my pussy around him, feeling it throb with anticipation, aching for more of him. Xavier takes notice of my escalating desire and grips my ass firmly, his touch sending shivers down my spine. The sharp spanks he delivers heighten my neediness, each one adding a delicious sting to the pleasure coursing through me.

Feeling my fatigue from the vigorous motion, Xavier takes initiative and shifts our rhythm, thrusting into me instead. Xavier's eyes burn with desire as he pins my arms behind my back, his strength and dominance amplifying the intensity of our encounter. With each forceful thrust, he plunges deep into my throbbing pussy, driving me relentlessly towards the brink of ecstasy.

As his pace quickens, tears of pleasure well up in my eyes. 'You're doing so good, taking it in like that." I wriggled free from his grasp and instead placed my hands on his chest, using them to stabilise myself as I adjusted my position. With a subtle shift, I angled myself better, allowing me to bounce on him even more. "I can't hold back anymore, I’m going to cum,' Xavier exclaims. Just before he reaches climax, I release myself from his grip, dropping to my knees, eager for him to cover my mouth and face with his release. He then releases onto my face and tongue, his cum pouring over me in abundance.

I let him cover my face and tongue until there's no more left. With a hint of lingering desire, I decide to prolong his orgasm, swallowing his cum while gently licking his tip. It seems Xavier is overwhelmed by the sensation, almost on the verge of passing out.

"Fuck," he moans explicitly. Despite his satisfaction, he expresses a hint of apology, explaining that he didn’t want to soil my face. I offer a reassuring smile, assuring him that it's alright and that I love it. His eyes soften with gratitude, and a warm sigh escapes him, relieved by my understanding. Gently, I savour some of his warmth from my skin, the sensation still intense and lingering. Rushing to fetch a towel, Xavier wipes my face clean, his touch tender and apologetic, yet filled with care and affection. He quickly moves to support me, wrapping his arms around my waist tenderly. Pressing gentle kisses to my shoulder, he murmurs soothing words of reassurance as he catches his breath. Laying me back onto the couch, he ensures that I’m comfortable and relaxed, his concern for my well-being evident in every gesture. I invite him to join me, and as he settles beside me, I gently stroke his hair and offer him a warm embrace.

Xavier momentarily detaches, his footsteps echoing lightly against the hardwood floor as he made his way to the kitchen, a subtle spring in his step betraying the renewed energy coursing through him. As he returned with a tray of refreshments, a playful glint danced in his eyes, his grin infectious.

"You seem like you've been fully recharged," I remarked, a teasing lilt to my voice as I admired his refreshed appearance. "Did I unknowingly stumble upon the secret to your energy?" Xavier chuckled, setting the tray down with a gentle clink of glasses. "Perhaps you have," he teased in return, his tone tinged with flirtatiousness. "Your place next?" The playful banter between us filled the room, infusing our embrace with an even deeper sense of closeness and intimacy as we basked in the afterglow of our shared passion. As we snuggle once again, this time much closer, Xavier reminds me of how cherished and loved I am, reaffirming our deep connection and the intimacy we share. Throughout the aftercare, his focus remains entirely on me, ensuring my well-being and emotional comfort are prioritised above all else.

—By prettyobsessed. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚🧸🐇୭🧷✧˚. ᵎᵎ 🎀🧷 P.S: It’s my very first time writing smut! What do you think? xx

⋆·˚ ༘ *🔭

—

this content is copyrighted by @prettyobsessed. all rights are reserved. it is prohibited to replicate, imitate, plagiarise, or repost my content on any other platform without authorisation. translations are also not permitted unless proper credit is given🌷

[onekeii]

Would I ever hurt you?

Day 12: Feast Baldur's Gate 3: Astarion x Fem Virgin Reader Warnings/Genre: smut, pet names, blood sucking, oral (f receiving), piv sex, not proof read Word count: 1.6k Summary: You let Astarion drink your blood, but his feast quickly turns into something else. AN: first time posting a full on smut please be gentle ALSO happy new year!

Read on AO3

Letting Astarion drink your blood had become a regular occurrence, one that developed its own routine. He’d let you get comfortable on your bedroll, crawling over your tense body with his sweet touch and even sweeter words encouraging you to relax. Then his fangs puncture the sensitive skin on your neck, pain coursing through your veins as your blood leaves your body. Astarion strokes your hair, runs his hands gently through it, bringing you back to the mortal fold. But you want more.

You want to feel his arms graze your bare skin. You want to feel his fangs on other parts of your body, his tongue lapping at more tender areas… You blink fast as if that would banish such thoughts. It’s scarier, somehow scarier than trusting a vampire to not drink you dry, so you leave it.

Yet Astarion seems to be able to read your mind, for his hands move from your hair to your waist, tracing the outline of your body, they travel first down to your hips and back up to the sides of your breasts. Something ignites within you and you lean into his touch, satiating that yearning in your belly. Then you place a hand on his chest and gently push him away, careful not to use so much force that he might rip your throat out. 

Astarion releases you and pushes himself back onto his knees. He’s towering over you, kneeling between your legs, but his eyes are soft, free from their usual malice or glint of mischief. He sucks in a breath before he speaks, “It seems I’ve crossed a boundary…” he sighs, “I apologise.”

He shifts his weight, moves to stand up, but you sit up with such speed that you nearly knock your forehead against his. Your vision splinters, scattered with sparks and stars as your heart works to pump more blood around your body. Astarion holds you up by the shoulders, taken aback by your foolish and sudden movement, “What are you doing?”

“You didn’t- I, uh, I-” pausing at the mess of words streaming from your mouth, you look down and frown. Why was this so difficult? You bite your tongue, think it through, and look at him again with determination. His eyes, blood red, flicker in the nearby firelight. They’re searching your face for an answer, and you nearly choke on your words again at their beauty, but you push through, “I-I want to, but, you know,” your cheeks were uncomfortably hot now but you refuse to let your eyes wander, “I’ve never done it before.”

Astarion’s eyebrows jump, his eyes blown wide and reflecting your face clearly back at you, “You haven’t?!”

“Um…” This was definitely not the reaction you were expecting, “...No?”

He smiles. A genuine smile; it’s faint and small and disappears in an instant, but it was there. “My darling, you are so beautiful, I thought you would have used it much to your advantage, but…” Astarion leans forward, threatening to push you back into the bedroll if it weren’t for one strong arm wrapped around your back and holding you in place. Your heart stutters at how close his face is to yours now. He continues, “I don’t think I deserve it, but the thought of being your first is exciting. To hear what vulgar sounds might come from your mouth, or how you might react if I touched you elsewhere.”

They were only words, but you could feel his touch already, his cold hands setting your body on fire. You needed him tonight, you were ready, “You do deserve it, but…” there was one small problem, “I’m just, I don’t know, scared?”

“You? Of pain?” he chuckles, his free hand brushing against the fresh wound on your neck still dribbling blood. Astarion brings his now bloodied fingers to his mouth, sucking up the remainders of his feast without breaking eye contact. Then he pulls his fingers away with a pop and says, “Would I ever hurt you, dear?”

When you shake your head - no, you could never hurt me, truly - he pushes you the rest of the way into the bedroll and adjusts the flat pillow behind you, making sure you’re comfortable.

And then his hands slip under your shirt, his ice cold touch sending shivers through your body as he travels further up. One finger traces a circle around your nipple, the other hand cups your breast and plays with it gently. You’re unsure what to do with your hands at first, so you place one at the back of Astarion’s neck and pull him close, kissing him gently.

His hands travel even further up, wrapping around your back and lifting you off the ground for a moment, breaking your kiss to pull your shirt over your head. Before the fabric is even on the ground, your lips are crashing against his again and your tongue is begging to go deeper. Astarion lets you in, and you’re so lost in your kiss that you don’t have time to shy your now bare torso from him. 

When Astarion breaks away again, he makes up for it by leaving a scattered trail of kisses, bruises, and shallow bites down your neck and then your chest. He’s planted his knees either side of one of your legs now, and when he latches onto your nipple with his mouth, he pushes his thigh into you at the same time. You let out a weak groan, but with each swish of his tongue against your tit, Astarion has you whimpering. 

He wants to hear you more, so he drags his tongue further down, his lips meeting the band of your trousers. When he looks up at you through dishevelled white locks, you don’t hesitate to nod your approval. He’s pulling your pants and underwear off in an instant, peeling them from your legs and letting you kick them off your ankles. You freeze up for a moment when you realise that you’re now fully naked and powerless before him, while he remains fully clothed. But there’s nothing you can do or say before he hooks one of your legs over his shoulder, pushing the other to the side as he descends upon your needy clit.

You immediately feel a pressure building in your core, only much more intense than anything you’ve experienced before. You decide you want more and roll your hips forward in an attempt to feel more of him on you. Astarion obliges, parting your already sick folds as he pushes his tongue into you. The feeling is budding, it threatens to spill, wash over you and drown you. Astarion pulls away.

Cool air taunts your aching core, the pleasure you were chasing now regrettably subsiding. You grab at the fabric of Astarion’s shirt in a feeble attempt to pull him closer, and whine “Please…”. But he just smirks at you.

“You were so nervous just moments ago,” he teases, “but you’ve forgotten it all from just a few flicks of my tongue,” he’s toying with you, but he still pulls his shirt over his head and finally reveals himself to you. You get busy roaming his skin with your hands, exploring as much as possible, while he continues to taunt you, “You’re so beautiful when you writhe around underneath me like that.”

His lips are on yours again, his tongue fighting and beating yours in a futile game of dominance. Your face burns even hotter when you realise you can taste yourself on him, but you’re distracted again when you feel Astarion tugging at the drawstrings of his pants and pulling them down just enough that his already hard member springs free. He bites your lower lip playfully and drags it out as he breaks the kiss, shifting his weight to line up his dick with your entrance. It takes all your self-control not to push yourself onto him. 

“Are you ready, my love?” he asks. 

You nod. Astarion holds himself up with his arms either side of your face, eyes trained only on you as he pushes himself into you. You wrap your arms around his neck for support while he watches in admiration as your face twists in pain and pleasure. He stops when you let out a sharp gasp, watching you bite at your lip so hard you taste blood. Astarion stays completely still inside you, giving you time to adjust as he leans down and laps at the traces of blood pooling in your lower lip.

When you finally relax a little - welcoming him - he slips in further, groaning into your ear as he bottoms out in you. And when he begins to move, the feeling is strange at first: the pain of his cock stretching you open sets you on fire and leaves you wanting more, melting into tasteful pleasure. Everytime he pulls out, you moan into his lips, not wanting to lose him from you. 

Sounds tumble from your mouth, spurring Astarion to move faster and harder with each whisper of his name. You feel that tight pressure returning to your stomach, your walls clenching around him and drawing a grunt from him as he continues to thrust into you. He’s chasing his own high still as every part of you crescendos, pleasure crashing through your body in waves. Your body falls limp as you feel Astarion finish, too, inside of you, his cock twitching once, twice, three times in your cunt.

Astarion makes no effort to move, collapsing on top of you and burying his face in your shoulder. After a few moments of silence, punctured only by the dying fireplace and your harmonising and desperate pants, he mumbles into your ear, “You feel amazing.”

@12daysofchristmas

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[lazycats-stuff]

Could you do batfam x baby bat reader? Where reader is a tiny force of chaos who likes to run around and cause mischief, and the only person he’s perfectly behaved with (aside from Alfred) is Damian, and while the rest of the family is trying to figure out why, Damian is just being smug cause even as an infant his little brother obviously knows who his superior brother is

Oh that would totally happen. I mean, Alfred already has authority, but Damian? Bruce would definitely be confused.

Summary: (Y/N) knows that Damian is not to be messed with. Bruce is about to give up parenting.

Warnings: family fluff, Damian is a cocky one, but in a good way.

Amongst Bruce's children, Damian was the only one who was biological. Was is the most important part. Bruce was notified one night that he had a son and that the mom passed away during childbirth. Bruce was shocked to hear it, but made a paternity test to make sure that (Y/N) is his.

After a few minutes over the Batcomputer, Bruce confirmed it and quickly took his son back to the manor. (Y/N) was a small bundle, born as a premature baby, but he wasn't in a danger zone. Thankfully. However, he had to eat every few hours and both Alfred and Bruce made sure he ate to grow.

Of course, there was no abundance of shock and overall jealousy. A baby takes up a lot of time away from the other kids and it was just a complete mess for a few months. But all of them grew to like the little boy, but Damian was the one who had the hardest time doing it.

Damian enjoyed being the only biological son and more importantly, he loved throwing it in his brother's faces that he is superior to all of them. Of course, with another biological son, that went south and he was mad. He didn't want anything to do with the little boy, but (Y/N) grew on him.

Damian became especially protective of his little baby brother and he has swore to himself that he would kill again if necessary. Just for his brother. Damian was sure that Jason has swore the same thing too, especially since the incident at the gala when he was taken for ransom.

It was painful to see (Y/N) in the kidnapper's arms, crying out to his family to save him. Damian got a few hits when (Y/N) was secured and it took his brothers and about 3 more GCPD officers to contain him. Of course, the officers allowed him to get a few hits. If there is one thing you don't do in the justice system, more so if you know what happens to people who are in jail for messing with children and that one thing would be messing with children.

Especially with babies and slightly older children. They are the most defenseless ones out there and if you hurt them, well, you are in a world of hurt and pain.

Without a doubt.

Damian is the first one to act on it, right after inmates. Inmates were making sure that the bastards got what they deserved. After that evening, Damian held (Y/N) the entire night, just being there, making sure that his brother is safe.

He woke up at the slightest suspicious sound from (Y/N), observing and listening to the sounds.

As years have passed, (Y/N) has become chaotic and overall just mischievous child. There was never a dull moment with (Y/N) and Damian smiled every time that (Y/N) did something,

Bruce and the rest didn't want to stop (Y/N) and punish him for it, but they had to set firm boundaries, otherwise there would be a problem in the future and taming that problem would be difficult beyond belief.

(Y/N)'s mischievous side was first discovered when he was in kindergartens. It has started innocently and then it turned into watch out type of situation.

It was more than harmless, but still enough to scold the little boy. Scold may be too harsh, but they they had to put up firm boundaries. But (Y/N) still did it and it was something nice to see. Children should be children and Bruce wanted (Y/N) to be a child.

But still, boundaries had to be made.

But there was something about it all that made (Y/N) not want really behave. Bruce had no authority, Jason had no authority, Dick had no authority and Tim had no authority. None of it. (Y/N) often laughed at whatever they had to say.

Alfred had authority, but lets be honest, Alfred has all of the authority in the household and over the people living in it. That is an unspoken rule and Alfred could make (Y/N) behave quickly and efficiently. It made everyone feel like they were the ones being scolded.

And besides, without Alfred this house would crumble. Lets be honest, there is no Wayne Manor without Alfred. He just has that silent authority and nobody dared to defy the man.

If Alfred says, you have to go to sleep and eat, you are going to sleep and eat. Of course, (Y/N) felt it and has always behaved for Alfred.

But Damian was a whole another phenomenon in the house. It was shown when Alfred wasn't home and there was no one with enough authority to keep (Y/N) in line. However, there was Damian and Bruce saw it.

(Y/N) was being mischievous and Bruce has kept his eye on him, but he must have turned around for just a moment and (Y/N) was gone. Bruce freaked out a little bit when he couldn't find his son. He looked around everywhere and felt a little bit scared when he saw that the doors leading to the garden were open.

Bruce quickly ran outside and stopped when he heard Damian scolding (Y/N). Bruce could hear something about trying to climb a tall tree and something about being seriously hurt. Bruce watched from afar and (Y/N) looked genuinely apologetic.

Damian wasn't harsh in his scolding, but (Y/N) looked sad and Damian gave him a hug to comfort him and made him promise that the two would play later today. (Y/N) loved puzzles and Bruce always made sure to buy more puzzles for (Y/N).

His brain is better without all the excessive technology either way.

Bruce asked Damian how he did it, but Damian refused to answer, simply leaving with a smirk. Bruce sighed quietly as he stood in the garden alone, trying to process it all.

That wasn't the only incident that Bruce witnessed and it soon involved his brothers too and Alfred.

Little by little, everyone started seeing that (Y/N) was slowly behaving when Damian simply called his name out. It looked like Damian has developed a great sense for when (Y/N) was going to do something that would either hurt him or just somebody else and (Y/N) listened.

Alfred was thoroughly impressed with how a single word, (Y/N) would calm down. Alfred also had the same thing with (Y/N). A simple call out of his name and the boy would settle, knowing exactly that Alfred is not messing around.

But then again, (Y/N) knows who is the boss.

And Damian had his own theory why (Y/N) listened to him. There is a little thing called a superior brother. And a biological connection too and yes, Bruce has argued that he is the father, but Damian has simply said that he is superior.

Of course, his brothers weren't safe from the superior remarks.

Jason was ready to deck Damian every time he has heard that remark, but still remained curious as to how (Y/N) listens to Damian and not him. He is a better brother.

Tim didn't care, happy that there was someone other than Alfred could keep (Y/N) in line and safe. Even if that someone is Damian with whom he isn't in a great relationship, but he is trying to be civil because of (Y/N). And it was working, sort off at least.

Dick was just jealous that (Y/N) listened to Damian. Don't get him wrong, he loves Damian with all of his heart and is happy that he isn't mad anymore about being the other biological sibling, but it was still painful for his heart.

What did just Damian have that they didn't, excluding Alfred of course.

Well, Damian has an answer for all of them, with his signature smirk inherited from his father, the infamous 'batsmirk.'

" He actually knows who is his superior brother, no? "

Damian said with so much smugness and Jason wanted nothing more than to deck his brother with so much force that would removed Damian's head from his body.

Bruce choose to observe instead and Dick was just plane sad at the mere authority that Damian seemed to exude. Silent authority, just like Alfred.

Tim was curious too and he is just going to wait to see how the situation unfolds in the following years. This is going to make an interesting case and observation of (Y/N)'s growing up.

[springtrappd]

kellen goff (voice of glamrock freddy, the daycare attendant/sun/moon and funtime freddy) has spoken out on twitter re: ai replicas of his voice. if you continue to produce or consume ai reproductions of his work, you are not only explicitly violating his boundaries, but you are contributing to a culture that will make it more difficult for him to continue to gain sustainable work in the future. now that he's made them known, let's please respect his wishes regarding the matter.

full text of thread beneath the cut for brevity:

I do not consent to any AI reproduction of my voice. I respectfully ask any who provide AI TTS services to delete the voices of those who didn't consent. Will that stop anyone? Hell no. Why would it? It's not illegal. It should be, but it's not. Hopefully someday, but not yet. People are a-ok violating others. They'll justify it any way they can. We've seen it time and time again, and we've seen that again today. I'm so sorry, Erica. You did not deserve the onslaught that came from setting up a boundary. Maybe one day, we'll get legislation on it. Maybe not. In the meantime, let me make this clear: If you use AI text to speech that originated from a VA that never consented to it, my opinion of you will lower significantly. If that doesn't matter to you, oh well. Can't stop you. But if you respect what we do and how hard we had and have to work to get here and keep it going, please reconsider. It really makes us uncomfortable, and encourages companies to devalue what we do more and more. Look at Secret Invasion. It's already happening. You can say no. I already see Glamrock Freddy covers of songs on YouTube and TikTok. You may think it's harmless fun, but in the long run, you're going to see more and more VAs disappear. If that's your goal, well done. You found the way. If it isn't, I encourage you to help us push against it. Anyway, that's my word on it. I tried to state it respectfully as I could. I'm a firm believer in treating others the way you want to be treated. We'll see how many hold that same principle I guess.

[juicedaloe]

Mithrun and brain damage

I'm not sure if anyone is interested in this, but I wanted to make a post talking about why I think that Mithrun has brain damage from a traumatic brain injury instead of him being a representation of other neurological disorders or mental illness. I'm not that involved in the dunmesh fandom so I don't know how common this headcanon is, though I've seen a few people mention it here and there.

This is just my own opinion so if you disagree then that's fine. Some of this is just speculation and I can't say what Kui's intentions were. This post isn't meant to be that serious. I just wanted to talk about it and hopefully inform about how brain damage can affect some people in a way that I hope is interesting and relevant.

This will be kind of long because I like to talk so it will be under the cut. Apologies for the length and how much I ramble. Feel free to give input especially if I got anything wrong or if this is too confusing.

Okay let's go

Traumatic brain injury (TBI) is incredibly complex. The long-term effects of a TBI include a wide array of symptoms. Each injury is different, and some people can completely recover rather quickly while others can become permanently disabled, even for seemingly "minor" injuries. What I'll cover here isn't a definitive representation of the experiences of all those who have long-term effects from TBI, nor do I speak for everyone with brain damage.

Here are some long term symptoms relevant to this post:

Alexithymia (inability to process and name emotions)

Inability to process and name physical perceptions

Mood swings and emotional regulation difficulties

Communication difficulties

Social impairment

Apathy about caring for oneself

Lack of motivation

Alexithymia and inability to process physical perceptions

This one is rather obvious. While Mithrun is shown to feel emotions and have physical sensations (for instance, describing his location when he gets lost in the dungeon as "a cold place"), he is also apathetic to how this affects him. This means that his physical and emotional perceptions are reduced in some way. He says that becoming lord of the dungeon will leave someone "empty", showing he is aware of his dulled emotional state.

A good example of this is can be seen here in a bonus comic where he doesn't give much of a reaction to burning his mouth on hot food.

(I love these two a lot, by the way. Pattadol is really under appreciated.)

He is also not able to recognize bodily signals, such as hunger or when he is tired. Despite collapsing from exhaustion and not eating for long periods of time, he still insists he is not tired or hungry.

Mood swings

Mood swings in combination with alexithymia can be an especially disorientating experience. Those who struggle to perceive their own emotions can still feel them even if they don't know how to recognize it.

Individuals with brain injuries often experience drastic mood swings, particularly anger. To those around them, they can appear to go from 0 to 100 in an instant.

This is more speculation/headcanon on my part, as the strongest emotion Mithrun has for most of his appearances is anger. However one could interpret this as being unrelated as he is seeking revenge for a traumatic experience.

Communication difficulties and social impairment

Not only can naming personal experiences be incredibly difficult with a brain injury, but other areas of communication are often affected as well.

Mithrun is not able to set boundaries for himself even if someone is doing something he would not actually want them to do, which can leave him in a vulnerable position.

People with brain injuries can sometimes have a paradoxical experience when it comes to communicating with others. They can go from being very quiet to speaking at length about one topic, seemingly without regard for the importance of each bit of information. (I see it like Newton's first law of motion. It is hard to start speaking and it can be just as hard to stop.)

I really like this aspect of Mithrun's characterization. Usually, he is very quiet because he has no reason to speak. However, once he starts talking he is shown to be overly specific and goes on for long periods of time. Kabru has to spend multiple days figuring out his story.

In a side comic, Kabru tells Mithrun he should condense some of the personal details that Kabru finds irrelevant to the topic of the dungeon.

Mithrun shares many details about himself because his desire not to do so is gone. This mirrors the experience of many people who have brain damage to overshare and not understand how their words will come across to others. Sometimes they say or do things that are insensitive or inappropriate for the situation.

Caring for oneself and motivation

In the dungeon, Mithrun becomes reliant on others for self care. He also seems especially incapable of motivating himself to take care of his body when he is particularly focused on his goals.

In these panels, thus far he had been fairly receptive of Kabru trying to take care of him. However, he could sense that the demon was close and was too focused on that to care to eat.

Refusal of care and treatment is often an effect of traumatic brain injury. This can be for seemingly no reason, even if the person knows that this will help them. Sometimes people will lie about receiving treatment or doing things to take care of themselves, either so they can avoid it or avoid having someone take care of them.

He knows that eating regularly and not pushing himself too much will help him - he's been told multiple times on-screen - but he still has to be continuously told by others to give him that motivation to take care of himself. He's very apathetic to his physical state, even if it seems his only desire is for revenge and he should be doing anything he can to achieve that.

Other things of note

I wasn't sure where to put this, but while Mithrun's sense of direction is speculated by Kabru to be left over from his time as lord of an ever-changing, confusing dungeon, having poor sense of direction in the way he does could also be indicative of brain injury as well.

While the dungeon is confusing and illogical, he is known to have a poor sense of direction and to get frequently lost by those around him, even trying to exit an entrance he just came through. He is shown to be very intelligent, but memory is greatly impacted by brain injuries which affects a person's sense of direction and location.

Something that really stands out to me about Mithrun is how much the things that help him are particularly helpful to those with brain damage. He is physically capable of performing tasks, but he needs an outside source to remind him and get him started. He relies entirely on routine, and when that regularity is taken away he shows extreme difficulty taking care of himself.

Sometimes, the care that some people need is simply someone else to encourage them or to tell them when to do things. The care that he needs is pretty consistent with a person with a brain injury who does not need a full time caretaker and would prefer to have some independence.

Also, healing magic is specified to not work with brain injury unless the person is killed and revived. Mithrun had not been revived after his injuries, so it is entirely possible for him to have sustained a TBI. I don't think this matters that much because one is still allowed to have headcanons even if there is a magical explanation or isn't really possible in canon, but I thought it was an interesting detail.

In conclusion

Because of all this I don't believe that his lack of self care is due solely to mental illness. While mental illnesses like depression or PTSD can cause a decline in self care, the reasons why the affected individual is avoidant of these tasks differs. These disorders can also cause cognitive difficulties and emotional regulation issues, but not to the same extent or in the same way that brain damage would. I think that he does have both depression and PTSD (both are common after a TBI) but those are not his only disabilities.

And on a personal note, I just think that having a character with brain damage is really cool. Most of the time I've seen it the characters are not given very much respect and they are treated as comic relief and a joke. Regardless of whether you agree with this post or not, it is still nice to see a character with a disability like this.

Thank you if you read all of this. I hope it was easy to understand and I did not ramble too much. I don't have anything else to say but I've been wanting to write this out for a while.

Okay bye

[moonkissedvisions]

PAC ♡ 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚.🎀༘⋆

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆ please read:

Hey! welcome to another reading. This reading includes the following questions, I drew one card for each of them: -How do you see yourself? -How do you think others see you? -How do you project yourself to others? -How can you improve your projection/image? -Who/How are you, really? Use your own intuition and discernment to read my interpretations. Remember that this is a general reading so not everything has to resonate. This reading was only made for guidance and entertainment, it´s not a replacement for professional advice of any kind. I use a Rider-Waite deck and you can ask me about the cards if they aren´t named in the reading. Check out my other readings at the end of this post and consider liking/reblogging/following if you liked this one.

ʚ♡ɞ Now, look for your pile and hope you enjoy it. ʚ♡ɞ

♡ Pile 1

How do you see yourself?

You see yourself as a joyful person who likes to have fun and juggle many things at once. You view yourself as adaptable, dynamic, and fast-paced. You strive to maintain balance in your life. Perhaps you see yourself as someone who is too agitated, trying to keep everything together but struggling with a bit of messiness. You are worried that you can't always solve every problem or you aren't versatile enough. You are practical and you tend to take too much at once, but you know you are good at that.

How do you think others see you?

You believe that others perceive you as a resilient and strong individual who has gone through many challenges in life. You think they see you as a warrior who can endure any obstacle that comes your way. You also believe that you excel at setting boundaries and people recognize your persistence, ability to push forward, durability, and unwavering stance on important matters.

What do you project?

You project that you are struggling emotionally. maybe you suffered from heartbreak recently and that's why others see you struggling. When you experience heartbreak, loss, or betrayal, it can be difficult to hide the impact it has on you. Often, others can sense that you are not feeling your best. This may be due to your facial expressions, gestures, and body language projecting your sorrow, depression, or grief. However, others may also sense that you possess the strength to endure emotional pain and anguish, and that you have the capacity to cope with difficult times and emotions. Despite the challenging circumstances, they can see that you are getting through it.

How can you improve your image?

To build a positive image, focus on developing self-confidence, optimism, and a sense of self-assurance. Recognize your own strengths, resilience, and determination, and celebrate your successes and progress with others. Cultivate a positive self-image by showcasing your talents, achievements, and skills, and don't be afraid to reward yourself for your hard work. By accepting love and attention from others, you can build strong and supportive relationships that will help you achieve your goals and thrive in life. Remember, with dedication and perseverance, you can create a positive image that reflects your true potential and inspires others to do the same.

Who/How are you?

Whether it's in the present, past or an ongoing experience, you may have encountered a sense of loss, betrayal, heartbreak or any other kind of ending that has left you feeling defeated, physically and mentally exhausted, unable to react, powerless, discouraged, and sad. It's a feeling that things have come to an end and a new beginning is approaching. You may feel resigned to this situation, and it may have taken you by surprise. Someone or something may have hurt you deeply, and you may feel like there is nothing you can do about it. But with time, a new beginning will approach, and you'll be able to start your life anew. ♡

♡ Pile 2

How do you see yourself?

You perceive yourself as someone who is often lost in thought, too absorbed in your mind to notice what is happening around you. Perhaps you are moody, bored, or indifferent. You don't seem to experience gratitude or joy for anything in particular. You may overanalyze things and miss out on opportunities as a result. You see yourself as someone who is introspective and contemplative, but you struggle to feel content or fulfilled. You don't have a passion or feel emotionally connected to anything. You may be stuck in a negative/lack mindset and find it difficult to appreciate what you already have.

How do you think others see you?

You believe that others perceive you as a patient, moderate, balanced, and a calm person. You think that people see you as someone who enjoys going on adventures and embracing all kinds of experiences. Additionally, you think that others view you as open-minded, flexible, and capable of accepting diverse opinions and ways of living. You don't consider yourself as a person who thinks in black and white, but rather as someone who avoids extreme points of view. Perhaps you believe that people see you as someone who is not vengeful, holds no grudges, and is diplomatic and stable.

What do you project?

You exude calmness and balance while projecting emotional intelligence and the ability to empathize with people's feelings. You possess the skills to help others with their emotional problems and have the ability to connect with your own emotions and creativity. People feel heard and understood when they talk to you, and you have a reassuring presence that can comfort and uplift them. You healthily express your emotions and are unafraid of being perceived as sensitive or emotional. You have a strong intuition that enables you to read others' emotions accurately and know when someone needs support. You are a loving, artistic, and magnetic individual who is capable of dreaming big and inspiring others with your creativity and passion.

How can you improve your image?

Be ready to unleash your inner child by embracing your childlike wonder and free-spirited personality. Ignite your adventurous side and discover new horizons with an open and curious mind. Don't let a lack of enthusiasm hold you back - break free from routine and indulge your curiosity. Follow what intrigues you. Get out of your head, and look at the bright side. The key to finding your passion is to approach life with a playful attitude and a desire to explore new ideas. Don't take yourself too seriously and don't worry about making sense of everything. You don't need to get attached to something to find it fun. Work on your fears. As you embrace your journey, you'll inspire others to follow your lead and tap into their own sense of wonder. Let humor be your guide and start smiling more as you uncover all the exciting experiences that await you.

Who/How are you?

You possess a reflective, methodical, and calm personality. You are someone who doesn't rush into things and takes their time to contemplate and evaluate the situation before action. You are careful with your work and like to commit yourself fully to it. You are a perfectionist. Your introspective and composed nature allows you to think through things deeply and come up with practical solutions. You value your work and like to reflect on the outcome, which helps you learn from your experiences and grow. You are intellectually practical and don't take any risks without careful planning. You are a patient, dedicated, and meticulous individual who values quality work and likes to appreaciate the fruits of their labor.

♡ Pile 3

How do you see yourself?

You see yourself as someone who possesses a remarkable collaborative personality that enables you to effortlessly blend the energies and abilities of all team members, resulting in outstanding project outcomes. Your ability to work in teams is a testament to your skill and capability. You are focused, dedicated, and driven to succeed, with a good eye for detail and a talent for employing practical skills to achieve your goals. Your meticulous planning and thoughtful consideration of all aspects of a project reflect your reliability and conscientious nature. You are aware of your strong work ethic, combined with your friendly and trustworthy demeanor. You are highly committed to your work, practical, and reliable which inspires confidence in your abilities.

How do you think others see you?

You may feel like others don't fully understand you or perceive you accurately. It's possible that you have an unclear sense of your own identity, or that your identity is constantly changing based on your emotions or what's currently going on in your life. This can make it difficult for others to get a clear picture of who you are, and you may feel misunderstood. You might even feel like you can't be your true self, or that there isn't a true version of you that you can show to people. It's possible that you feel like others see you as fake or delusional, or that they pick up on your insecurities and emotional struggles so their perception of you is clouded by emotional projections. You may worry that you confuse people or that they have false beliefs and wrong ideas about you.

What do you project?

You might unknowingly convey your inner feelings of doubt and unease to those around you. Perhaps you are currently low on energy, and those around you can sense that you are feeling defeated. You might be projecting an absence of assertiveness in your communication and actions, indicating that you are unsure of your ability to win your battles and succeed. It's also possible that you are projecting a lack of confidence in yourself and your boundaries, giving off the impression that you are easily giving up and that you don't stand up for yourself. Maybe others perceive you as someone who starts unnecessary conflicts and behaves recklessly. You may also be projecting a lack of experience and commitment, which could result in you frequently stepping back from challenging situations. Overall, you project insecurity and a lack of motivation.

How can you improve your image?

To improve your image, you must embrace the unknown and uncertainty with boldness, readiness, and vitality. Identify the factors that are holding you back and draining your energy. Instead of wasting your time and focusing on insecurities, learn to be assertive, spontaneous, and willing to take risks. Redirect your focus intelligently. Feel the fear, and do it anyway. Trust in your ability to overcome any challenge that comes your way. Don't hold back your wild side; be authentic and unapologetic. Take care of your health and engage in sports that will help you gain confidence and vigor. Expand yourself and seek ways to grow instead of limiting yourself. Remember, you are capable of achieving anything you set your mind to.

Who/How are you?

You may be currently undergoing a process of healing, or are considering such a journey. You are beginning to view your pain, struggle, and grief in a new light, and as a result, you are experiencing a sense of release from emotional pain. You are starting to feel more peaceful and serene, and you are gaining a deeper sense of self-awareness. You are recovering from a past event that has had a profound impact on you, and you are gaining hope and faith in your healing journey. You are engaging in various forms of emotional release, such as journaling, meditation, or talking to someone. You help others to heal by sharing your own journey. You are attuned to your feelings and learning to experience them, rather than trying to control or over-analyze them. You are someone who is overcoming emotional obstacles and developing a sense of self-acceptance and inner peace. Your journey of healing is a testament to your strength and resilience, and serves as an inspiration to others who may be going through similar experiences.

♡ Pile 4

How do you see yourself?

You appear to be someone who possesses a strong sense of willpower. You are confident in your abilities to manifest your desires and you have all the resources at your disposal to achieve your goals. Your skills and creativity are impressive, and you possess the strategic prowess and focus to make things happen. You also possess a sense of empowerment and cunning, which makes you a natural leader with a flair for innovation.

Your persuasive and analytical abilities have made you a force to be reckoned with, and you are well aware of your power and influence. However, you may have noticed that this energy is not always directed in a positive direction. You may have used your persuasive abilities to manipulate, control, or deceive others, rather than using them to inspire and motivate. Perhaps you have struggled to channel your creativity in a way that benefits yourself and others, and as a result, you may have suppressed it altogether. You may also feel that you lack consistency in your endeavors, which can lead to wasted potential or a lack of progress. You may struggle to be honest and coherent with your thoughts and actions, which can lead to a sense of confusion or frustration. Despite these challenges, you deeply understand that you have the potential to overcome them and tap into your full potential.

How do you think others see you?

You believe that others perceive you as a deep and dynamic individual, characterized by a continual process of transformation and evolution in your life. You feel that they recognize your innate ability to undergo significant metamorphoses and serve as a catalyst for change. You sense that others regard you as someone who wields profound influence, capable of instigating transformative shifts within themselves and their surroundings. You believe that people perceive your resilience and profound depth, viewing you as a revolutionary figure who fosters renewal and facilitates healing processes. You think others see you as a radical person.

What do you project?

You appear to be experiencing a sense of detachment from your expertise and proficiency. You project that your level of engagement with your work has diminished compared to previous times. Your attention and organizational skills seem to be faltering, leaving others with a feeling of uncertainty regarding your reliability and dependability. It appears that practicality eludes you, and you are out of harmony with those around you, resulting in a lack of confidence in your abilities both professionally and in your daily pursuits. Your friends or colleagues may detect a noticeable disconnect, sensing that you are not resonating on the same wavelength as before and that your connection with them has weakened. Don't take this as a further discouraging message. Remember that this is also part of your journey so embrace it, and seek to realign at your own pace. You may be projecting this however it doesn't have to be the truth about you.

How can you improve your image?

Enhancing your image begins with embracing both your triumphs and setbacks, as they are integral parts of your journey toward personal and professional growth. By acknowledging and learning from your experiences, you pave the way for self-improvement and evolution. Make time for introspection, allowing yourself to release any burdens and cultivate gratitude for the lessons learned. Reclaim your power by reframing disappointments as opportunities for growth and resilience. Stay proactive in seeking out avenues for advancement and expansion. Re-center yourself by decluttering not only your physical surroundings but also your mental and spiritual spaces. Through this deliberate process of self-care and empowerment, you position yourself to thrive and radiate confidence in all aspects of your life. Remember that you can't grow new flowers until the old ones have decomposed into soil. Focus on growing new flowers, not in the decomposed old ones.

Who/How are you?

You have a vibrant persona thar radiates humor, making interactions with you a delight. You exude a carefree optimism that uplifts those around you. Your approach to life is characterized by a refreshing lack of attachment to material possessions, opting instead to savor experiences with an insatiable curiosity and boundless enthusiasm. You embrace each moment as an opportunity for joy and discovery. Recognizing the analogy of life to a perpetual celebration, you conscientiously cultivate an attitude of a gracious host, ensuring that every encounter is filled with warmth and vitality. Your capacity to maintain a lighthearted perspective, coupled with an unwavering focus on the bright side of life, reflects a remarkable depth of wisdom and resilience. You have an infectious smile and unforgettable laughter, and you embrace your childlike wonder.

Thank you for supporting my blog. I love you.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER READINGS

Discover your NATAL BIRTH CARDS

Astro notes

Your beauty and how to enhance it

The Divine Feminine messages

Your natural gifts and talents

[a-small-safe-place]

His Haven Pt. 2

Homelander x Psychiatrist!Reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

As the weeks passed, Homelander continued to integrate himself into your life, blurring the lines between patient and "friend." One evening, after a particularly intense session, Homelander broached the subject of spending more time together outside of the therapy room. "I was thinking," he began, his blue eyes searching yours, "maybe we could grab a bite sometime. You know, outside of this place." Your heart sank, torn between the genuine connection you felt with Homelander and the professional boundaries you knew you needed to maintain. With all your other patients, you had discussed boundaries, but not with the members of The Seven. The Deep, A-Train, and Queen Maeve viewed these sessions as a waste of time. Starlight and Black Noir had kept a very professional relationship. You weren't totally sure why Black Noir still came to the sessions since his sessions were spent in silence, usually with him drawing pictures of Buster Beaver and his little buddies. Starlight was the only one that used the sessions for what they were meant for.

You had not thought you needed to set boundaries with them, and that, since these were America's greatest heroes, the boundaries were obvious and unspoken. Oh, how that had bitten you in the ass now, having to turn down the offer. You let those boundaries slip by allowing Homelander to come to your house, but in that situation, there was not a lot you could do to stop him.

"I appreciate the offer, Homelander, but it's important to keep our relationship within the confines of our sessions," you replied carefully, trying to hide the conflict in your eyes, unaware that he could hear your heartbeat and smell your nervousness. Homelander's expression shifted from hopeful anticipation to a subtle disappointment that cut through you. "Right, professional boundaries," he said, a forced smile tugging at his lips. It is the kind of smile that does not reach his eyes. "I get it." You could not let his dangerous expression get to you.

The following sessions became strained. Homelander seemed distant, his usually confident demeanor replaced by an air of vulnerability and irritation. You should be thanking him that he is interested in you. He attended sessions less frequently, and when he did, the conversations were stilted. It was clear that your rejection had affected him more than either of you anticipated. Homelander was not willing to give up. You just needed a chance to come around.

One day, after a difficult session, Homelander lingered in your office. "Is there something you're not telling me?" he asked, his tone a mixture of frustration and hurt. Homelander knew you did not have a partner in your life. He had stopped by to do a thorough search of your home while you were out, and there was no evidence of you dating someone, not even the smell of a casual hookup still lingering on your skin. You sighed, maintaining the professionalism that defined your role. "It's not that I don't value our sessions, Homelander. But crossing the boundaries of a therapeutic relationship can be detrimental for both of us," you explained, your words hanging heavily in the air. "I want what's best for you, and sometimes that means maintaining a professional distance."

Homelander's jaw tensed, and he stood abruptly. "So, I'm just another patient to you, is that it?" His eyes bore into yours, searching for a hint of vulnerability that matched his own. "No, Homelander, you're not just another patient," you replied softly, your heart aching at the pain evident in his eyes. "But I have a responsibility to ensure that our interactions remain focused on your well-being." He stormed out of your office without another word, leaving you with a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. Homelander is a dangerous and unpredictable man. The once-promising therapeutic alliance had crumbled, replaced by an unspoken tension that hung in the air during each subsequent session.

Days turned into weeks, and the divide between you and Homelander deepened. He attended sessions less frequently, and when he did, the conversations were strained and unproductive. Of course, for Homelander, he still had his time with you even if you were oblivious to it. Though, he would much rather be in your arms than jacking off on the building next to yours while you participated in a similar activity in the warmth of your bed. 

One evening, after a silent session, Homelander was particularly grumpy in this session. He had expressed that he had a bad day. Homelander lingered at the door. "You should be fucking thanking me,” He pauses. “I am giving you the opportunity of a lifetime, and you're fucking throwing it away. Do you know how many people would leave their whole families just for one glance from me?”

The weight of his words settled heavily on your shoulders as he walked away, leaving you alone in the empty office. It made you wonder how dangerous Homelander really was and how desperate he would become if you continued to deny him. The once-promising connection had fractured irreparably, and the professional boundaries you fought so hard to maintain had come at the cost of a genuine connection with Homelander.

The weeks passed with a lingering tension between you and Homelander. The once-promising therapeutic alliance had crumbled, leaving behind an unspoken rift that seemed insurmountable. Homelander attended sessions less frequently, and when he did, the conversations were strained, devoid of the genuine connection that had defined your earlier interactions. It became evident that your rejection had affected him more deeply than either of you anticipated. Homelander, usually the embodiment of confidence, now wore an air of vulnerability and loneliness that tugged at your conscience. The sessions were marked by long pauses, resentful glances, and a palpable discomfort that neither of you could ignore. You couldn't shake the feeling of regret that lingered each time you saw him. The haunting realization that you had sacrificed something meaningful for the sake of professional decorum weighed heavily on your conscience. Late one evening, a knock echoed through your home. Homelander stood at the doorway, his usual confidence replaced by a vulnerability that mirrored the man you had glimpsed in the early days of your sessions. "I need someone to talk to," he admitted, his voice a whisper.

[stormz369]

☕💖 Can I Get Your Number? ☕💖 Ch 17

Jason Todd x (f)Chubby!Reader

written with a female reader in mind, first person pov, no use of Y/N, will probably get NSFW later, let me know if there's anything else I should tag this with!

warnings/labels: racist microagressions, boundary crossing, and people in positions of power being scum, cursing wc: 2.4k

A/N: chapter concept was suggested by @scared-reader 👻 so if you like it thank them for the inspiring ask in the comments! (and feel free to submit your own if you've got an idea for me, you never know what's going to set off the unhinged writing monster in my soul 😅 )

Chapter Selection

Damian was at my apartment again. He'd come over after school, and the look on his face suggested there was something weighing him down. I got him set up at the table to do his homework, knowing he wouldn't be ready to talk until he felt his responsibilities were complete, and ordered pizza. While he worked, I made my grandmother's brownies. 

An hour later we were sitting on the floor in front of my tv, eating pizza and brownies, drinking soda, and playing mindless video games. Between rounds, Damian finally spoke up; “... There's an art show for our parents at my school next week … Father couldn't make it last year, something came up at work.”

I frowned a bit; “That sucks! ... Well, I'm sure he'll make it this year, yeah?”

“... Probably not. It's a busy time of year for him...”

“That's not fair…”

“It is what it is.” On the surface he sounded nonchalant about it, but after months of getting to know each other I was starting to catch the subtleties of his mannerisms and tones. And when he said ‘it is what it is' I heard, clear as day, the ache of unexpressed sorrow; the kind of sorrow that makes you feel selfish and cruel for caring at all over something so seemingly trivial.

“... Well, I know I'm not a parent, but I am an adult in your life who loves … your art. Think they'd let me come?”

“... You want to come?” he didn't even try to hide the surprise in his voice.

“Of course, if you're ok with it. … I remember how disappointing it was when my parents didn't come to my after school stuff. … Felt like I was the only kid in the room without an adult gushing over my work. I knew they were proud of me, they were just busy, but … I wanted my interests to be their priority for just a few hours. It hurt, seeing everyone else's adults make time for them when mine couldn't, and I don't want you to have to go through that too. So if you're comfortable with it I would be honored to get to go to your art show!”

Damian blinked a few times, looking down into his lap, and nodded. “... Ok. … Yeah, you … you can come. … It's Friday after school, from 4-6.” His voice came out a bit sharper than usual, like he was fighting to get the words out at all.

I smiled gently, pulling out my phone. “It's going right in my calendar. Will you already be there?” He nodded. “Perfect, … can Jace come too, or should I take the bus?”

Damian considered for a minute. “.... I suppose Todd can come. … It would be difficult to use the city bus to get to my school…”

I nodded. “Thanks kiddo.”

He opened his mouth, frowning slightly; “... I … why do you keep calling me that?”

I cringed slightly; “Sorry Damian, I keep forgetting you don't like it. I like to give people affectionate nicknames, it’s sort of second nature at this point I guess. I'll do better, I promise.”

“... No, it … it's ok, you don't have to stop. … I'm still not Dami though.”

I grinned, nodding. “You got it, kiddo.” Right, only Jon gets to call him Dami.

He nodded once, smiling a little.

Tears filled my eyes. The lump in my throat made it incredibly difficult to speak, but I had to say something; he was staring up at me with those big, guarded eyes, waiting for my response. “... Damian, it's-”

“Perfect…” Jason's arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me against his chest.

Damian's section of the art show was filled with portraits of his family and friends. And right in the center, on one of the biggest canvases I'd seen outside of a museum, was a painting of the three of us on my couch; me and Damian facing each other with Jason in the middle, his hand on my knees, just like the time they'd spent the night. The casual intimacy of our poses and easy smiles on our faces were like a dream for the future, laid bare in front of us.

It wasn't as easy as the painting made it look, not yet, but maybe someday it would be.

I nodded, agreeing with Jason; “it's beautiful~ you're so talented! … is … is that really how you see me?”

Damian hadn't made me smaller; I was still round and soft in his painting, but instead of feeling insecure the portrait made me feel beautiful. The delicate, sweeping brush strokes that made up my body exuded warmth and tenderness. I wasn't entirely sure if it was my love for him that he'd seen and captured in the paint, or his own affection for me, but it was there on the canvas for all to see.

He tilted his head; “... I don't understand? That is what you look like.”

“Yeah, but … Damian, in a culture that teaches women that being big is bad, making a fat girl feel beautiful in her fatness is like the artistic equivalent of finding Bigfoot - there are people who say they have, but who actually believes them?” I smiled softly, looking into his confused eyes; “you’ve made me feel beautiful, Damian. … Thank you.”

Jason hugged me tighter, kissing my shoulder; “... good job, demon brat~”

Damian flushed a bit, obviously pleased, and for a moment it looked like he was going to say something, but before he could, a tall woman came up behind him. She smiled warmly, looking at me; “ah, you must be the panther tamer!”

Damian's entire demeanor changed in an instant, closing in on himself. I frowned, looking up at her; “excuse me? … Who are you?”

The woman ruffled Damian's hair, either not noticing or not caring about his grimace or minuscule flinch as she made contact; “I’m Mrs. Webster, Damian's math teacher! It's a miracle; ever since you've come into his life, our little wild cat here has finally retracted his claws! Finally dropping some of those nasty habits of his. I don't know what you're doing with him, but keep up the good work!”

“... So you did just say what I thought you said. … Ok, bet.” I pushed Jason's arms off me and stepped forward until she stumbled back, making sure I ended up between her and Damian. “First of all; don't ever touch him again. Anyone with two brain cells can tell he doesn't like it.”

She stuttered, stepping back more; “ah! It was just a hair ruffle-”

“Don't. Ever. Touch him. Secondly, he is a person, he's not a wild animal that needs to be tamed. What on earth makes you think that's an appropriate thing to say about one of your students?”

“Hey now! I just meant that his behavior has gotten better, it's a compliment!”

I continued to walk toward her, slowly backing her into a corner. “Shut. The fuck. Up. You were not complimenting him; you were othering him. He is a child in a foreign country with foreign, often contradictory culture; since coming here he has had to relearn everything about how life works and what's expected of him, and he has had to do it using English, one of the most obnoxious languages to learn, and probably the fourth or even fifth one he knows. He is expected to gracefully fold himself into an American household, go to an American school, and follow American customs; nothing in his life would have prepared him for any of that, but he has done it all, and he's done it while living under intense media scrutiny because of his family name. And on top of all that, he's also making all these life changes during one of the hardest parts of a person's development. He works hard every single day to navigate this life, often doing things he hates because they're expected of him, all for your comfort. Is it so much to ask that his teachers treat him with some basic fucking respect?”

She frowned, trying to interrupt me; “I was just-”

“No, I'm talking, that means you shut your mouth. That boy, that brilliant, brave, kind young man was ripped from the life he knew, the good and the bad in it, sent away from his family and friends, to a supposed land of freedom and safety, and when he gets here he has to deal with mediocre minds like yours calling him an animal and praising the people who care about him for their ‘good work' with him? Abso-fucking-lutely not.

I have done no work here; it is not work to meet him where he's at. It is not work to love that boy in whatever ways he's ready to accept. And it is certainly not work to treat him with respect. That is the bare fucking minimum. It is a joy and a pleasure to get to know him; he is a remarkable young man. On his worst day he is a better person than you are on your best. He is compassionate, and patient, and he is a good kid. How fucking dare you talk about him like there's something wrong with him being just the way he is? Who the hell do you think you are? What kind of racist shit-”

“Hey now! I am not racist!”

The side of my fist made contact with the stone wall above her head. I took a deep breath, growling softly; “tell yourself whatever you need to. But you are going to keep a few things in mind going forward. Number one; anything you say or do to Damian will get back to me. Number two;” I smirked, chuckling darkly; “I am not afraid of jail time. So, for everyone's best interest; you will respect his boundaries, and you will think before you open your ignorant mouth. Because if I find out that you or anyone in this school has more inconsiderate, racist ass bullshit to say about my kid, I will be back. And from that day on, you will not know a moment of peace. Have I made myself clear, Mrs. Webster?”

She nodded quickly, eyes wide with fear, and I gave her the most condescending smirk I could before spinning on my heel to return to my boys. I only made it a few steps before Damian ran straight into me, arms wrapped tightly around my waist. His face buried into my chest, and his shoulders were shaking. I was almost pushed back by the force of him throwing himself at me, but I managed to stay standing. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, one hand gently cupping his head, the other stroking his back.

We stood like that for a long while. I wasn't going to pull away first; this was the first time I'd seen Damian initiate physical contact with anyone, and I was not about to give him any reason to believe it had to stop before he was ready. He could have as much as he wanted for as long as he wanted it.

I looked up at Jason over Damian's head; I thought he looked a bit proud, leaning against the wall to watch us. He gestured to me that he was heading out of the room but would be back soon and I nodded, just continuing to hold the shaking boy in my arms. I ran my fingers through his hair gently, hoping it would soothe him, “... I'm sorry if I embarrassed you, Damian…”

He shook his head, slowly releasing me. He didn't look up, but I could tell from the wet spot above my heart that he had been crying. “... Can we go home?”

“Yeah, kiddo. Let's get you home.”

“No, I mean … your home?”

“Oh, yeah, you can spend the night at mine. You can spend the whole weekend if you want. … I'll tell your dad for you, if you want?”

He nodded, slowly taking my hand. “... Can we stop at the manor, so I can get a few things and feed my pets?”

“Of course we can.” I smiled softly, gently squeezing his hand, and led him out of the auditorium to find Jason.

Jay met us at the front office. “You're being swapped into Mr. Desantis's math class, Damian.”

Damian nodded, staring at the floor in front of him. “... Thank you.”

Jason nodded, looking at our hands; “... We ready to go?”

“Yeah. We're gonna stop at the manor so Damian can get some stuff, and then we'll all head home.”

Jason nodded, letting us lead the way. He walked behind Damian and over a bit, so the youngest Wayne was flanked by us. Damian watched his feet as we made our way to the car, smiling just a little. “... Are you really going to return if I tell you my teachers are still saying those things about me?”

I stopped next to the car, falling to one knee in front of him, and gently squeezed Damian's hands. His vibrant green eyes slowly met mine, and I had to bite back the rage boiling in my chest; he looked so fragile, like he expected me to say ‘no, you don't deserve it, take care of yourself'. “... Damian, if anyone says or does anything to make you feel inferior, I want you to tell them that you are not required to accept their mistreatment, and walk away. Then you call me. If I don't pick up it'll be because I'm still asleep or at work, you text me and then you call Jay, he will come get me, and we will come for you. Ok?”

“... You'd leave work?”

“... I feel like that's not as impressive as the fact that I'm willing to lose sleep over this, but yes; you are more important than work. I can easily get another job, what I can't and won't do is make you face their shit alone.”

He nodded slowly. “... Father said I'm not supposed to misbehave at school … We have the public eye on us…”

Jay growled softly; “I am certain that he didn't mean for you to accept that kind of bullshit from inferior minds. And if he did, he can take it up with me. You do not have to accept their cruelty. Not ever.”

Damian looked up at Jason slowly, nodding. “... Really?”

“Really.”

Next ->

Divider by: @saradika-graphics

Taglist (open): @jawdropforkpop @krys0210 @snowy-violet @superthoughts @wordsfromshona @mystic60 @iwannabealocalcryptid @morstuavitamea-a @frosty--giants @arisa191 @prized-jules @phoenix666stuff @dinonuggysandhuggus @anuttellaa @whore-of-many-hot-men

[onyourhyuck]

Worth It. | N.JM

— Prologue: “Is it okay if i stay over tonight? You’re sure? I don’t want to overstep your boundaries.”

— Summary: Where you spend the night at each other’s houses for the first time and despite being told to be comfortable you are being very careful.

— Genre: Fluffy smut. First time staying over type of trope. New established relationship. Jaemin is such a green flag. ugh best boyfriend goals. Rookie couples. Heavy makeouts. Soft soft protected sex. Hand holding while they do it.

— Notes:

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There is always a first time in everything when you get in a brand new relationship with someone. You’re always trying to be super careful to not do the wrong move because you don’t want things to go bad.

It can be very nerve wrecking. There’s the first time holding hands which is always kind of awkward at first because none of you are used to holding hands. Or the first time having your kiss, it’s always so short and difficult to pull away from.

And then there is coming over to your boyfriend’s house for the first time.

You’re between the border of trying not to make it obvious that you’re uncomfortable but also trying to get used to your brand new environment. You see your boyfriend has been with you for only five months. Nearly six months. He’s been over to your house for dinner before but it never once crossed his mind until recently that now he realised; you never been over to his house.

Jaemin really loves spending time with you and he wants you to be comfortable. So when you walk inside the house you take your shoes off and try to be as formal and polite as possible.

That was the first time you came over to his house. You ended up being super formal that day and Jaemin always told you to be comfortable and not feel weird about the new surroundings.

But now that you came over once, you started coming over during the evenings. Your second time over at your boyfriend’s house you’re slightly more comfortable than before.

You’re slowly adjusting. “Hey babe? Is it okay if i move your pillows in a different position?” You call out from his bedroom.

Jaemin from the living room raised an eyebrow wondering why do you even have to ask? You could just do what you wish with the pillows. “You don’t have to ask me! Do what you want.” He calls out as his attention was on whatever was playing on the television screen.

You smile a little. He was always telling you to do what you want since he wants to make his house feeling like it’s your home too now.

But it’s difficult to get used to.

Scrolling through your phone as you adjust the pillows into the position you want you’re noticing the time. It’s getting nearly late and you’re wondering when do you have to leave? Your boyfriend hasn’t really asked you what time yet you will leave. You don’t have a time set either. You’re waiting for Jaemin to kick you out but he wasn’t really planning to have you leave anytime soon.

So the more time goes by it’s very late and you’re contemplating by staying over his house now. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to stay over?

You don’t want to leave your boyfriend since you enjoy being with him and his presence alone was the most important thing to you. But you don’t want to take away his privacy from Jaemin either. So now you’re debating if staying was the right option.

The bed creaks when you stand up walking out of the bedroom as you approach the couch where your boyfriend was seen watching the screen. Jaemin smiles and wraps his arms around your waist when you approach running his sweet fingertips down your back and under your shirt feeling your bare skin. You took notice of this habit; your boyfriend really likes feeling your smooth skin. He loves skin to skin contact. And he dislikes feeling the clothes on you.

You smile a bit. “Hey, it’s getting late.” Jaemin hums in response at your words as he wasn’t saying much but enjoying your presence at the same time.

“Yeah it is nearly 10.00 at night.” Jaemin says softly in his deep natural voice. You wonder if he can even more attractive than this.

You’re getting shy now since you’re trying to find an opportunity to ask your boyfriend for permission. But why was it so darn hard?

You’re getting shy for no reason, you’re also stressing about the fact if you’re being too clingy or if you’re being too pushy. You don’t want to be either of those things and you value that space was very important in a relationship. This relationship you have with Jaemin was something you take very personal in your heart. You want this to work.

So far your relationship was nothing but good. You both grow and help each other grow together and individually as well.

Jaemin was the perfect example for you. He makes you feel valued and appreciated. Unlike in the past you’ve never gotten so many compliments by a man until you’ve met Jaemin. And he really makes sure to let you know everyday that you’re important and that you deserve everything.

The thoughts in your head were overcrowding your actual thinking so now you are staring at your boyfriend and your voice comes out slightly small and timid too.

“Can I stay over tonight?” You whisper as you don’t want Jaemin to feel like he has to keep you around.

Your boyfriend wasn’t expecting you to even ask. He didn’t want you to ask this question either because he thought you would be staying anyways. It was late and there’s no way in the world that he will let you leave his house at ten in the night. It’s not that he doesn’t trust that you can get home, it’s more like Jaemin was more or so worried for your safety. He doesn’t trust the world out there and he’d rather have you sleep with him on the bed than have you sleep alone tonight too. You’re everything to him.

“Baby you don’t even have to ask me. My home is now your home, I told you this before.” Jaemin’s expression was a mixture of surprise and bluntness as if you didn’t even have to ask him this right now. Your hands were slowly kissed on the back as Jaemin pants his puckering eyes down there with his soft mouth.

Your cheeks grew a slight pinkish shade across your skin like it was a waterfall spreading everywhere on the land.

Jaemin has so many ways to make you think he’s so perfect. Beyond perfect actually. The word perfect wasn’t enough to describe him.

You slowly exhale. “Is it okay if i stay over tonight? You’re sure? I don’t want to overstep your boundaries.”

Your worried eyes meet Jaemin’s as he can see that you’re trying to be respectful here. You’re the type of person to be extremely cautious and Jaemin really finds this to be thoughtful of you. But at the same time you don’t need to be.

“I don’t have any boundaries when it comes to you. Do what you want okay? If you’re hungry you can take what you want from my fridge. You can even take my clothes, I am fine with whatever you want.”

He was telling you this as if this was all so easy. You’re almost unable to process that you can get away with anything right now but you don’t know what to do with that privilege.

You almost feel like you don’t deserve it. You whisper a little as you’re unable to think much more. Your boyfriend’s loving eyes watching you makes all sorts of emotions run to your face.

“Jaemin I’m just being cautious. I don’t want to make you think that I’m too clingy or pushy.” You say as you’re holding your running thoughts on pause.

He can’t believe you’re here thinking that he would ever see you as being ‘too clingy’. If anything Jaemin wants you to be clingy to him without a second question!

“Okay I think I need you to rethink your words right now.” Jaemin said with a chuckle.

What he said sounded like a warning. You blink your eyes in innocent confusion. “What—?”

He brushed his lips away from your hands and slowly stands up suddenly he was lifting you and you let out a soft sudden sigh as you’re wondering what was happening right now. Your own boyfriend carried you to the bedroom, placing your dead weight on the bed as he crawled on top giving you soft kisses on your cheeks and forehead. Out of nowhere you’re having all these physical kiss-attacks and you’re here unable to take much more.

Jaemin saw your hands fiddling around in places as you’re growing more and more ticklish with the way his lips were planting between your skin and skin. Your own body was struggling to contain what your boyfriend was making you feel. He pins your hands on the side of the bed against the two pillows surface, you’re here breathing heavily as you’re also giggling a little.

When he heard that giggle of yours Jaemin wanted to ascend and have you repeat that giggle again and again and again — until he is sick of it.

You’re unable to contain the way your stomach was doing flips on its own. The way the emotions turning inside your guts. Your abdomen clenching with each loving touch your boyfriend holds on you and gives it without needing anything else from you. All your boyfriend wants from you is you to smile. Feelings inside your stomach boils like a pot on a burning stove, and your legs were digging into the duvet covers while the room was holding all your protesting soft noises and laughs together.

“Ahh Jaemin this isn’t fair. So unfair. You can’t use your strength and kisses against me.” You’re trailing with mumbles.

He smirks against your neck where he nuzzles his nose into your nape smelling your scent, inhaling it as you always smell so good. You smell like peace. You bring him peace.

Jaemin whispers teasingly. “Oh but you don’t seem to be complaining when I give you them.”

“We were having a serious conversation about me staying over!”

You say with your cheeks growing red. Jaemin knew his teasing always tends to get under your skin. The boy above you pulls away his head from your nape to gaze into your eyes.

“And I said it’s completely acceptable.” He softly pressed a loving kiss on your forehead and then hovers over your untouched lips.

“It’s worth it.” He adds, before he pressed a loving and deep long kiss on your lips that look so kissable from the above view.

When he told you this you’re wondering if your boyfriend means it and then you feel the rushing emotions in the kiss, and you just know now that he was being sincere and genuine.

Your boyfriend didn’t care about anything else but wanting you to stay over. You’re now understanding his point. You don’t have to be so uptight and worry if you’re doing something wrong. Because Jaemin knows you have the truest intentions of kindness for him and that’s all he needs from you.

The kiss overtakes you both in a magical world where you sense everything behind measures of your love. Jaemin didn’t hold back. He lets you know just how much he wants to kiss you. Just how much he could kiss you forever if he could. Jaemin pressed the tongue into the surface of your romantic kiss while his hands cupping your face slide down your jawline reaching over your neck where the shirt you wore starts to be tugged in. It falls off your beautiful figure when you say up letting your boyfriend do what he wants now. Your eyes are pressed closed while your entire mind was on the continual pleasure from the kiss that keeps going on.

Words of affirmation he told you beforehand were on a replay like a radio station in your head. It somehow puts you on ease too. You love that Jaemin’s affirmations were made to calm you down as well as show you that your overthinking doesn’t need to be used when he’s nearby.

You can rely on him. You can do anything with him and Jaemin would be more than happy to do it for you. As long as you’re happy and comfortable, he gets to spend his time with you.

The hands slide down to your hips after your lower sweats were pulled down and Jaemin’s mouth breaks apart temporarily only to brush over your beautiful breasts that came out of your bra. His tongue runs down your nipples giving it a gentle suck before detaching from your tits to go up and kiss you once again in a hungry makeout.

You feel all sorts of sensations run down when your legs spread open when his hands run down your inner thighs and Jaemin’s middle fingertip pressed against the pantie lining above your clit.

Soft moan comes out of your mouth as your head leans back and your eyes fell down watching his hand where it’s at. “Should I stretch you out?”

Jaemin asked you quietly as your eyes look up at him. “Yeah please.” You give him a little nod and he leans in kissing your cheek. “Okay baby.”

Whenever he calls you all these sweet loving pet names it makes you feel really small in the best way possible. You feel like a small lost puppy around Jaemin.

He had the ability to make you feel loved, too loved. Your hips buckle forward once Jaemin slips off your panties to your ankles and throws them somewhere on the floor in his bedroom, without a single care. The only thing his focus was really on was the sight of your heavenly pussy, ready to be devoured in everything he has for you.

Brushing the palm on top he thrusts in his middle fingertip first, your head hung back a little as you’re adjusting to the stretching of your velvet compressing walls.

“Fuck…” You murmur into your palm while your boyfriend was trying to be as careful but enough to give you some pleasure too.

The second finger came in when he heard you moan. It shown that you must’ve lined the way his short nails brushed along your bouncy walls inside. Jaemin loves hearing your breathy voice too. Especially when you’re on the brick of cumming right there and then.

He might be soft with you outside the bedroom, and he was also a little soft with you in the bedroom activities too. But he can be slightly more gruff about it too.

Jaemin can really be dominating in the bedroom. It’s like he shines differently when he is fucking your soul out of you. But you don’t mind it when he can be a little more rough with you, because his sweet voice always said the most soft loving things to you. Despite the way he can really have you begging.

Thrusting a few more times, Jaemin pulls the fingers out licking them clean with his mouth before leaning over and sitting upwards to go open one of the drawers next to the bed.

You whimper at the loss of your boyfriend’s fingers but your eyes gracefully follow his silhouette seeing what he was pulling out.

He smirks when he saw your eyes fixated on the packet of condoms. Jaemin rips one open as he slips off his boxers.

“You want to put it on for me?” He asked you as you looked eager when you saw his manhood spring up against is stomach hitting the surface on it.

Your boyfriend was quite big. You won’t lie but you can’t deny the fact that Jaemin was built perfectly. He was long but not too long. He was perfectly thick in the right areas and you drool over the sight of your boyfriend’s manshood. Your hand brushed the condom down and Jaemin bites his bottom lip watching your small hands dressing the condom on his hard boner.

“That’s it, good girl.”

Your face grew a million shades redder hearing your boyfriend’s deep nasal voice echoing the praise to your ears giving you a kiss on your cheek, lowering himself down he pushed your legs up a little until they sit on top of his shoulders. Folding you into a position to his liking he wanted to get the right deepness and the richness of your body to the fullest because tonight — your boyfriend is going to prove to you why it is worth it staying over.

The gnashing movements created between your two bodies connecting as one made your body move forward as the length piercingly increases in and out of your entrance. Just the mere thickness alone has you thinking you’re going to rip apart with the overwhelming burning sensation. You however love the fact that you can feel the stinging pleasure because eventually the same sting turns into something else.

Your mouth shatters apart from your moans. The carnal length barely inside you for more than a few minutes has your mind starting to wander on its own. Foggiest invades your brain. Your cheeks are burning hot like they are scorched by the sun itself. The sight of your boyfriend’s darkly lit eyes staring you down like you’re a prey he had his eyes on for so long excites you.

“Oh fuck… Jaemin…”

Hearing his name leaving your lips like a flying letter, it was almost empowering. You give him so much power over you.

Jaemin smirks leaning down giving your collarbones a few sucks stringing from his teeth and balm lips. “You like this?” He asked you.

But he didn’t expect you to answer considering you’re unable to. The moans keep coming out of you instead.

He knows you liked it too, it is written on your beautiful face like a giant billboard you’d see on middle of the road.

The sensation can not compare to anything the two of you ever experienced and that’s what makes this so much more special and enjoyable.

It is the raw sight of your own love growing to its deepest lusts and hormones. Your body has never met such a perfect combination with anyone before and Jaemin was just so perfect.

He was perfect at giving and not expecting anything back. His pleasure came from seeing you mooch over his cock that is thrusting into you so deeply until you cannot take it anymore.

The fact that you’re looking even more and more beautiful the further more your squeezing carries him through the sensual movements, Jaemin was taking his sweet time with you. He loves seeing your feverish smile and your eyes closing every time the inch of his front tip was peeking into a zone of your weak spot that makes you squirm with more intensity.

You’re brushing your stomach inwards the moment Jaemin dig deeper going down even more while your hands roam around his shoulder blades and your mouth opens up. “Ahh squeezing me so much Y/n…” Jaemin‘a hushed groans were telling you how much he was enjoying the way you feel.

Your warmth emitting from your body on the outside and on the inside, as well as how wet you’re feeling down there makes his cock stand out even more. Jaemin was aroused by the simplest things however which was the way your eyes never broke eye contact.

He smiles leaning down kissing you softly again but this time your hands connect. He moves up his fingers attaching them around yours while on the sides they’re pinning.

He sighs deeply as he strikes himself slowly going in an upwards motion, he clenched his eyes shut. “God… I won’t last if you keep doing this to me.”

You drawl out your mouth running it down his neck while pressing kisses down his adam’s apple which makes Jaemin shiver.

The things you do to him makes him go crazy even more. You’re driving him off the edge.

“Hhhghr… I’m so close.” He quietly turned to you when your head pressed down on the pillows and you suck on your stomach with each of your boyfriends incoming sensual thrusts.

They feel slow yet powerful. Jaemin’s head hung low with his messy black hair while you’re here breathing more heavily as your breath quickens. The mattress becomes wrinkled as the bedsheets were following each of your silhouettes.

The darkness of the room becomes inevitable but the sight of your boyfriend’s expression when he finally feels the surging urge to come never leaves your memory.

Jaemin hissed. “Fuck—” Moving the hips upwards. “I’m cumming—” he slowly whispers moving down on you again. “Ah fuck m’cumming Y/n…”

You’re leaning back your sluggish body when the warm filling of your boyfriend releasing inside the plastic rubber. You’re feeling his hands clench on your fingers tight as his gaze grows black mixing in with stare.

He feels like he was seeing stars and his ears were shutting out every sound, all he could hear was small rings.

Jaemin deeply exhales as he leans down to get the opportunity to kiss your tempting lips once more. Your lips kiss back in slow motion while you feel his hand relax in the hold.

You whisper your sighs against his lips, while your boyfriend pulls away to look at your face brushing your hand on your hair.

“It was worth it.” Jaemin says with a smile. “Right?” He’d ask you knowing the real answer already.

“Mhm it was Worth It.” You tell him.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work thank youu! Reblog this fic and follow me for more updates it helps a girl out.

[onskepa]

Yay requests are open!

What about a platonic Ronal x scientist? Yes they study the planet but ronal cannot help but like them because they respect the culture, her medical skills and only seems to find the silver lining in her stiff comments. Like come on human I am trying to make you leave through the power of rude and you just gave me a freidnship bracelet? Wtf I imagine tonowari just snickering every night as she complains about her new best friend

Hellooooooooo darling~!!

Yes! Another ronal fic! Thank you for requesting and I hope this cute fic will satisfy you and everyone else! Enjoy~!

Irayo pt2

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Irayo

“You are good to go, if anything goes wrong or if they are not very welcoming, just say the word and we will get you” the head director of the ocean na’vi program says. In front of him was the new girl. Determined and open minded to learn new things, and was given the ultimate task. 

Make the first human contact with the reef na’vi. 

Nodding in excitement, the new recruit gets into a canoe with her prepared items. Making sure she is set for sail, she looks at her comrades. “I will let you know everything. Hopefully, this can go well. If doctor Agustine has faith in us, we can't lose” she says with optimus in her voice. 

Saying her last farewell, she sets off to the Metkayina island. 

“This will be good, I can feel it!”

She arrives at the island, her eyes in awe as she gets closer to the shore. So many na’vi! They all stare at her, many in fear, others in curiosity, and many ready to fight her. Raising her hands, she gets out from her canoe and displays she is of no harm. 

“I come in peace, I bring no harm” the human girl announces in perfect, fluent na’vi. 

Many, from what she suspects are warriors, stare at her in surprise. 

“You are a sky demon! Leave or we will not be easy on you!” one of the warriors warned her. Another warrior follows after. 

“We heard what you did with the forest na’vi, leave! You only bring death and sorrow wherever you go”. 

The tension was building fast among the other people. Mothers protecting their children, might warriors standing in front of the weak. Any wrong move and she might end up dead. Which is a high factor. 

The crowd breaks as two significant looking na’vi walks through, from how they are dressed and the others willing to step aside, the human knew exactly who they were. 

And it gave her excitement. Already the first and she is seeing so much! 

The human was quick with the traditional na’vi greeting of “I see you”. In hopes that the tension can lessen if she displays their ways. 

The Tsahik and Olo’eyktan looked at her carefully. Observing her every move and detail. Small hint of disgust but also confusion as to why a human is here. 

“Hello, I bring no harm. I am here to learn your ways. Allow me to prove myself to you, perhaps you have heard of the dark stories of what the humans did to other na’vi, but I promise you that I only bring peace. Please, teach me your ways”. 

Ronal doesn't know what or how or even why. But after a lengthy discussion with Tonowari, they granted the human permission to enter their home. And learn their ways. As best a human can learn. While Tonowari was more loose on letting the human in, Ronal felt different, at first she came defensive and was always on alert should the human do something that seems bad under her eyes. 

But the human was aware where the line drew, only did what she was allowed to and dared not to push boundaries. Ronal wasn't making it any easier for the human. None whatsoever. In fact, Ronal planned to make things so difficult for the human that she would have no other choice but to leave. 

Now if only it worked that, and not Ronal making it harder for herself. 

 “Put more strength in your arms. It must be thinned out and easy to separate. Any thicker and it will be difficult to mix” Ronal instructed the human with a harsh tone. She was teaching the human how to make crushed, thin, dust-like green material. Very dry leaves that were thoroughly picked from their small forest.

The human woman smiled and obeyed, “alright tsahik”. Doing exactly what she is being told. That is the thing that irks ronal. The human doesn't fight back. She doesn't do anything! 

“A child can do a better job than you,” Ronal says with a snarky tone. The human just takes it, “I don't doubt it. This is more of their ways” the human replies with such calmness in her voice. Not a hint of anger, impatience, nothing. 

“Dont think this will be enough, there is still much more to grind down” Ronal says, as she places a lot more dried grass in the already big pile. The human stops for a few seconds to look at the bigger addition. Ronal smirks, surely this will be it? “Guess I better grind faster to finish all of these” the human says in glee and continues to grind. 

Ronal’s smirk left her lips, fine then. Tomorrow will be worse. 

Harsher insults, harsher training, harsher practice. Ronal threw everything at the human, but nothing breaks the human girl. And it infuriates her to the core. Why wasn't she fighting back? Why was she accepting everything? Why was she letting ronal belittle her? 

Ronal’s anger grew to where Tonowari had to enterfier. 

“Ronal, perhaps you are pushing her too far?” he asks her one day. Ronal scoffs as she does her small tasks in their home. “The human can bare it. Anything I give her, she accepts. That utter fool” she replies. Annoyance heavy on her tone. “She won't break so easily. Not made of sea glass” she continues. 

Tonowari sighs, walks up to her and places a hand on her shoulder. “Perhaps not, but your tolerance is thinner than these fibers. Perhaps by surprise, it will be you who will break first”. 

The human began to make and wear her na’vi like clothing to fit in more. And as she talked more with the other clan members, more began to welcome her with open arms and even into their homes. Adapting more into their culture and ways of life. They began to accept her. 

Ronal wasn't so ready to accept the human. 

Not yet at least. 

One night, after the communal dinner, Ronal took the human away from the noise and into a more quiet part of the small forest. Yet, along the way, the human not once asked where they were going. Never questioned ronal’s actions, her odd behavior. Nothing. 

When they arrived at a beautiful blue glowing waterfall, Ronal kept a bit of distance from the human. 

“Tell me human, why do you accept?” Ronal asks after a few minutes of silence. 

The human blinked once, “accept what tsahik?”. 

Hissing in frustration, Ronal turns to look at the human in anger. 

“Why do you accept everything?! I keep pushing you to do beyond what you physically can. Accept any insulting word I give you. Force you to do things clearly you are not very comfortable with. Why do you accept my harsh treatment towards you?” 

The human sees Ronal and sees how she truly feels. Taking a deep breath, relaxing her shoulders, the human does what she does best. 

Give her an honest smile. 

“You have every right to treat me that way. While I am not personally responsible for the thousands of killings of the na’vi, I still feel ashamed and guilty as if it were my own crimes. My kind has treated your kind terribly. So, I understand if you feel any anger or hatred towards me for simply being human. But I accept, I accept it all. If it means to be part of your world, your clan. I would gladly accept anything you throw at me. This is a dream come true for me. This planet, the life it holds. The environments, plants, animals, you. I love and respect everything about your world. All I desire is to learn how things are. From learning about Eywa to learning of the na’vi ways. My only desire is to learn. To have you personally teach me, it is a high luck I could never get anywhere else. So that is why I accept all that you give me. A price to pay for the things I can see and experience. So Tsahik, that is why I accept it. As my way to thank you” 

Ronal saw the human, looking deep into her eyes to detect any lies, but all she saw was the truth. 

“You fool…”

“Irayo, just in time for breakfast” Ronal welcomes her human friend. Irayo, that is what Ronal calls her ever since that night. It's been stuck to her ever since, not that she plans to defy the tsahik wishes. 

Irayo sits in the home of ronal and tonowari. Accepting the food, she begins to eat. But not soon after, she felt a little tug from her wrist. Looking down, Irayo sees little tsireya playfully tugging at her bracelet. Taking it off, she hands it to tsireya who tries to bite down on it. 

“Has tsireya began teething?” Irayo asks, ronal nods but gives a disapproving look.

“She will rip off the beads. You worked so hard to make it for us” Ronal says as she points to her own matching bracelet. Irayo laughs, “that is fine. It will give me an excuse to make better friendship brackets for us. I will even make another for cute little tsreiya” Irayo replies as she playfully pinches tsireya’s chubby cheeks, making the child squeal in delight. 

Tonowari sits down to join them. 

“Today irayo and I will attend to the elderly, tsireya will be under your care until noon” Ronal says to him. 

Tonowari nods, but couldn't help but smirk a bit. Leaning in, he whispers into Ronal’s ear. “Your friendship with irayo has improved greatly. I still remember when you called her many foolish names”. 

Ronal rolls her eyes and taps his forehead lightly. 

“I recall no such things. Irayo has been my good friend from the start”

Aaaaaaaaand that is all for this one! I hope you all enjoyed this fic! Until next time, see ya!

-------

Irayo = Thank you

[spilledcoffeeonthefloor]

"i want to end this"

Neil knew something was up with Andrew for the last few days. he was, a little off, he could say; he ate less, smoked more, and most importantly, left Neil more often.

Neil always respected Andrew's boundaries. hell, he acted, and felt, like Andrew's boundary are devine rules set by god,

but he also knew Andrew, so he was both surprised and not surprised when he heard him say "i want to end this"

𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵? that crossed Neil's mind.

𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘪 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘢 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵

𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘪 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘸𝘩𝘺.

Neil kept quiet. he wasn't exactly sure what was being ended. the sex? the night drives? it's not like he could end his feelings. if he could, he would do way before baltimore.

"ok" Neil said.

Andrew was quite for few second. Neil could swear he saw a flash of something near disappointed flash through Andrew's eyes.

"good" and with that he left a room.

Andrew woke up the next day on his own bed. well, he didn't fall sleep, but he was in his own bed, cold andlonely, because of a choice he made himself.

𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 he told himself. got out of bed and walk toward the kitchen.

if he hadn't woken up in his own bed, he would thing yesterday was all just an imagination, because everything was kinda, the same.

there was his coffee Neil usually made for him, and Neil himself sipping his own coffee and arguing with kevin over something Andrew didn't care enough to pay attention to. he felt like he was staring at his coffee too much to be normal. he considered not taking it, but he wasn't a fucking child, so he took his coffee and took a slow sip, like every other normal day.

they drove to the court, Neil sat in his usual seat next to Andrew.

he sat on the couch of the lobby in his usual place, again, next to Andrew.

another day passed, still the same.

his coffee was there.

Neil brought ice cream when he got back from his class, like he always did.

he showed him those stupid cat videos, like he always did.

turn the TV down and told everyone to shut up when Andrew was having a headache, like he always did.

days passed.

Neil would still let him know when he was gonna take longer runs so Andrew wouldn't get worried ( "I'm not dead, just running a bit more" Neil texted him right when he was ready to take his keys and go search for him."idgf" he replied, of course he didn't give a fuck. )

that was stupid. everything was stupid. Andrew ended this cause Neil is stupid and tolerates things he shouldn't. so why didn't he get the fuck away from Andrew when he had the chance? it sure as fuck wasn't for the convenience. Andrew is farr from being convenient, if not difficult as fuck to deal with. so why is he still hovering around, when there's nothing to hold him obligated? when he didn't have to and more importantly when no one was expecting him to. Andrew was eating himself alive with the thought of Neil forcing himself to handle Andrew.but because of what? he didn't know. they didn't have any deal, so it must be the obligation of whatever they had, right? Andrew knew the only form of emotional bound Neil had with anybody else beside the foxes, was his mother. he knew Neil would tolerate anything when he had to.

they went for night drives, like they always did. Andrew wanted to say no when Neil asked if they could go for a drive, but his yes was a reflex. Andrew knew he still had a heart because it sure as hell wasn't his brain that was dancing with the thought of night drive with Neil.

like it always did.

he heard footsteps when he was on the roof smoking.

Neil sat beside him. he didn't ask. he knew when it would be a no, and it was both humiliating and stupid that he knew today was not a no. and they days before. and every single day after the day when they finished their this.

"what the fuck is wrong with you."

"hm?" Neil looked at him, and he had the audacity to actually look confused.

"are you really this stupid, or you're just playing dumb? "

"you have to be more specific cause i do both of this on daily routine."

"Neil." wasn't it a nice day to murder the love of your life?

who u just ended things with and should act on it.

"are you talking about the movie night? i didn't-"

"Neil, why the fuck are you here."

"to smoke?"

he was hundred percent playing dumb.

"what the fuck is your game? trying to, what, exactly? are you fooling yourself into believing you know what's better for me, or did you assume i didn't mean it when i said this is over.

so much for your 𝘪 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘯."

"what the fuck. of course i know u meant it Andrew. and i said ok. i don't understand what is the problem you're referring to. do you want me to stay away from you? cause you didn't mention that part."

"are you so stupid you couldn't make that out yourself?"

"you know i don't assume things, Andrew. do you want me to stay away from you?"

Andrew couldn't believe this man.

"what I'm asking is how do you fucking not."

"why should i."

"you're so stupid."

"ok but you still didn't answer my question. if you want me to stay away from you, i will. you didn't say anything, you just said it's over and i said ok."

"and then you use your brain and find out that when something is over between you and someone else, then nothing holds you responsible for spending time with them."

"i know that."

"then why the fuck are you still here"

Neil didn't Answer.

𝘩𝘶𝘩

when Neil was quite for too long, Andrew turned to look at him.

𝘰𝘩 𝘪 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 that's the first thing that came to his mind when seeing the look on Neil's face.

he hated that look. that looked always meant Neil was about to say something that would make Andrew want to throw him off the building.

"Andrew, hey, look at me"

He sat on his Knees and scoot closer to Andrew

"i am, you blind"

"no, no, look at me, i am long, 𝘓𝘰𝘯𝘨 past the point of doing things i don't want to. i am long past just surviving, long past doing everything for a reason. I'm not here right now because , i don't fucking know, because i think i have to, or because i want something or because I'm expecting anything or any fucking other reason.

ask me why I'm here, and i say i don't fucking know. the closest reason i have is because it's you. because why shouldn't i. how could i not. you said let's end this, i said ok. i don't need to be in a relationship with you in order for you to know i care about you. or for myself to value my feelings for you. labeled or not, i like spending time with you, i like everything about you, actually, whether there's something between us or not. if you tell me you don't want me spending time with you, I'll accept it, doesnt matter how difficult it is for me, but you know i will. I'm happy right now. I'm happy just by being with you. you make me happ and you don't even have to do anything.

you underestimate my ability to leave. if i was unhappy, I'd be gone long ago, and you, you of all people know that. yeah yeah everytime i look at you i wish i could trade my soul for a kiss, but I'll still be happy to be by yourside even if we don't get to touch for the rest of our lives."

Neil thinks for a second then frowns a bit

"ok i don't know if I'd still be happy in a situation where you're with someone else, like, when someone else get to have this. i mean, you know I'm like, I'll never get in the way... wow that's so heavy to imagine give me a second i forgot what i was saying"

Andrew was not gonna give him a second. he would throw him off the building.

Andrew was ruined for everyone else the moment Neil said "if it means losing you, then no". he has fallen long long ago, and was willing to live with the burnt mark on his heart for the rest of his life.

how stupid,

of both of them, to not know.

Andrew was not gonna give him a second.

trade his soul, he said?

sure. Andrew was not gonn give him a second. he was gonna kiss his soul out of his body.