#why on gods green earth stephen king lets them get away with this shit is beyond me but maybe hes a narcissist who loves the attention i do | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shitty-marvel-fan732 · 4 years

Text

Is That...?

Title: Is That...?

Pairing: Loki x Avenger!Reader

Requested?: Yes! @wolfiegal98 I hope you like it love!

Word Count: 6,200 ish

Warnings: Cursing, fighting, mentions of past death

Summary: Loosely follows the plot of Thor Ragnarok. What will happen when the reader finds out that Loki has actually been alive for the past 4 years? Angst and Fluff.

Author's Note: I sincerely hope this makes sense 😂 I picture the reader to be a mutant in this, capable of controlling the air, water, and fire around her, but it's not really explained well because this was already like 6k. P.s., its not my GIF!

“Stephen?” you called curiously, not moving to get up in the slightest. In all honesty, it baffled you that after almost a year of studying under him that you still had nearly no ability to navigate the Sanctum, but it felt like there was little you could do to change that. As much as you enjoyed spending time with the good Doctor, you absolutely loathed trying to find anything in this maze of a building -- you'd figured out pretty quickly that it was much easier to simply yell for him rather than attempt to find anything yourself.

“In the front.”

You yelped as the disembodied head of your mentor popped momentarily through one of his glowy, orange portals before disappearing again.

Forget trying to find your way around this place, you’d never get used to that.

Rolling your eyes, a wave of your hand produced a gust of wind that weightlessly lifted you from your seat and carried you to the front.

"You know you don't have to scare the shit out of me every time I--"

Your complaint died in your throat before you managed to finish your thought. The wind that’d been carrying you died down immediately and your feet landed on the floor with a light thump.

Standing near Stephen was a certain blond-haired Asgardian. He was holding an umbrella, and wearing what you could only imagine was an outfit meant to help him blend in with human beings -- as if that were possible. You blinked, brain taking only a split-second to process the sight in front of you before your face cracked into a huge smile.

"Thor!" you greeted happily before launching yourself into the god's already open arms. Thor chuckled amusedly as he embraced you tightly.

"Hello to you as well Lady Y/N," he grinned, flashing his thousand-watt smile down towards you. You grinned as you pulled yourself out of his arms, feeling thoroughly surprised and delighted.

"Where have you been? It's been, what like 2 years?" you questioned breathlessly as you punched him squarely on the arm in playful irritation. He only grinned wider, body not moving an inch as you hit him.

“Eh you know, here and there,” he shrugged. “Saved a couple of planets from destruction, things like that.”

“Still modest as ever I see,” you giggled.

“Yes, and I see you’ve been working on things since I've left,” Thor complimented. “Your control is quite impressive.”

“That’s not all I can do either,” you teased smugly. Thor chuckled amicably, one brow raised in interest. It was true, working closely with Stephen for the past year had not only massively helped you learn how to use your powers, but had led you to actually discovering some you’d never known you had.

"Anyways. Thor is here to locate his father," Stephen interjected. "I was just about to send him on his way."

Your brows immediately dipped into a frown, eyes raking over the men in hopes that their faces would yield some sort of explanation. Though Strange's face remained impassive, Thor's expression at once became more solemn.

"Odin's here? Like on Earth?" you questioned curiously. Thor merely nodded, eyes casting downwards as if to purposely avoid your gaze. As your mind ran wild with the new information, you internally wondered what the Asgardian king could possibly be doing on Earth. Moreover, you didn't understand why his presence would cause Thor to require Stephen's help. Eyebrow raised in suspicion, you crossed your arms and urged the men with a silent look to explain further.

"Yes, in a place called Norway apparently. It's kind of a long story," Thor drawled. "One with many more questions than answers I'm afraid. I should probably be going to fetch him now."

Stephan nodded waving his arms nonchalantly and opening a portal, but you remained still, wondering what it was that they both knew that you were missing.

"And I suppose I'll be needing my brother back," he finished, looking towards Stephen expectantly.

"Your what now?" you choked.

"Oh yeah, right," Stephen hummed.

He waved his hands above his head and another portal opened. You heard screaming coming from above, and not a second later a man fell straight out onto the Sanctum's floor with an echoing thud. Your jaw dropped.

It couldn't be.

"I have been falling for thirty minutes!" the man roared from the ground, fists clenched and posture rigid.

If you weren't so thoroughly consumed by your complete confusion and the small, futile feelings of hope growing within your chest, you might've laughed at the familiar voice's indignant cry.

"Is that…" you managed to ask weakly, your body completely frozen as your brain worked in overdrive trying to make sense of what you were seeing. The man stood slowly to his feet as you vaguely heard Thor and Stephen talking next to you. It felt like all the breath in your body had been stolen from you, unable to believe the sight before you.

It was him.

Loki, the god of mischief, stood just a few feet from you, huffing and dusting himself off.

Loki who'd been dead for the better part of 4 years.

Loki.

"I-- he -- but he's -- what," you spluttered helplessly. Loki's eyes flashed to your face as you spoke. A look of utter shock filtered through his blue-green irises as he caught sight of your frozen form, and his pale face rapidly lost what little color it'd had to begin with. You whimpered pathetically. It felt like your brain might actually be imploding from its inability to process what was happening right now. "You--"

"Darling," Loki breathed, raising his hands in front of him in surrender. You gaped, mouth hanging wide open.

"Uhm yes, quick update Loki is alive," Thor announced with a quick clap of his hands. "And while I'm sure the two of you have much to discuss we really need to be--"

"You-- asshole."

"Y/N--"

"You absolute FUCKING ASSHOLE," you screeched, body suddenly erupting into a kind of fury the likes of which you'd never experienced. "YOU LET EVERYONE -- LET ME -- THINK THAT YOU WERE DEAD FOR FOUR FUCKING YEARS, AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SHOW UP HERE NOW?"

You could feel your powers surging to the surface, the unbridled rage practically begging to be set free as you crossed the large gap between your bodies in mere seconds. Too livid to even let your natural instincts take over, you simply begin pounding your fists against every available inch of the now-cowering god's body.

"What in FUCKS name are you even doing here, you lying, evil piece of SHIT?" your fists pounded relentlessly against Loki, primal screams of pure anger ripping from your throat as you did. Eventually, you felt your body being pulled away, a giant pair of hands gripping your waist tightly.

"Alright now, that's probably enough," Thor's booming chuckle broke through the rhythmic, deafening pounding of your racing heartbeat in your ears. He caged your body against his with seemingly very little effort, expression wholly amused at your reaction.

You thrashed wildly against his hold, rage still searing through your every pore like a wave of molten hot lava. Your irses began to turn red and your fingertips sparked with little bursts of flame. Falling still for only a moment, your hands darted out, grasping one of Thor’s forearms tightly as your palms glowed with a brilliant, vibrant blue. Thor growled in pain as your heated skin gripped his flesh, arms instantly releasing you as he cradled his burnt limb gingerly.

"Since when can you do that?" Thor demanded, looking very much like he was in shock.

Smiling smugly, your hands became engulfed in flames and you turned your attention back to Loki.

"Told you I'd learned some new tricks," you growled before lunging towards Loki. You only made it a half a step before an invisible force held you in place.

“How many times do I have to tell you Y/N, no fire in the Sanctum!” Stephen scolded sternly before a flick of his hand sent you, Thor, and Loki straight through the portal.

You landed with a soft thump and found yourself rolling across grass, any sight of the Sanctum completely gone. Groaning a little at the pain in your side from the way you'd fallen, your eyes roamed over the field with confusion.

“You can come back when you’re done with your little tantrum,” Strange’s voice echoed in your head from afar. You huffed in disbelief as your surroundings became clear.

He’d sent you to fucking Norway.

“Y/N,” Loki called quietly.

Residual anger bubbled up in your chest once more at the sound of his voice. You turned to find him standing a few yards away, hands raised in surrender once more and handsome features cautiously scanning your face.

“I must explai--,”

“Loki.” Thor cut his brother off sharply, staring towards the cliff. Loki’s eyes travelled to meet his brother’s gaze, breath catching in his throat once he noted Odin’s seated form on a large rock near the coastline. Thor began to walk purposefully over to his father, but Loki's attention turned back to you. You huffed loudly as you stared furiously into his pleading eyes, your body not moving an inch. After a few moments of intense eye contact you cocked your head towards Odin, indicating that he should proceed. Loki nodded tensely in thanks before striding off to where his father and brother sat.

Letting out a massive sigh, you ran your fingers through your hair once you were left standing alone. A tiny flash of guilt started to fill your tummy as you watched the men murmur amongst themselves. Deciding it was probably best to give them a little privacy, you turned away, awkwardly fiddling with the rings on your fingers as you waited for them to finish speaking.

Your mind felt like it was practically buzzing with thoughts as you tried to process everything that'd just happened. Thor's abrupt reappearance, the fact that your mentor had basically banished you to Norway, the nagging question of why Odin was even on this planet, and of course there was the small detail of Loki being back from the dead.

Again.

Though you probably should've been trying to figure out what kind of otherworldly threat could've brought the Asgardian king down from his golden palace, you found the majority of your thoughts turning to his adoptive son.

Along with Thor, you'd been tasked with escorting Loki back to Asgard after the battle of New York to ensure his unhindered return. Finding yourself wholly fascinated by the entirely new and exciting planet, you'd stayed for much longer than anyone thought you would. You were so interested, in fact, that you ended up staying on Asgard for almost a year. The team back in Stark Tower thought you were crazy for staying as long as you did.

If they only knew how you'd been occupying your time in Asgard. They'd probably would've had you committed.

You wound up spending large portions of your time with a certain prisoner -- a fact that you hid from everyone for a long time. At first it was simply to ensure that it was indeed still Loki within his cell and not another illusion, but over time it evolved into something else entirely. Something more.

He started to help you learn about your powers, even showing you that you could do more than just manipulate the air. Together you explored your control over fire and water in small doses, and in turn, you became someone he could talk to -- to pass the time with. The more you learned about Asgardian culture the more time you spent down with Loki, talking about anything and everything you could think of. It wasn’t long before you found yourself harboring a secret crush on the exiled prince, slowly but surely learning to trust him and him you. You were never truly sure if he felt the same -- true he referred to you as his "darling" or "pet" more than your own name, but you could never be sure he wasn't tricking you. As time passed you fell more deeply in love with the god, and you questioned his affections less and less. The two of you never discussed your relationship aloud, but something deep in his eyes told you he just might return your feelings.

You stayed in Asgard so long that you were still around when Jane became possessed by the Aether. You and Thor worked together to free Loki from his cell, and later you wound up on Svartalfheim in an attempt to save Jane’s life.

You’d fought alongside them, and watched helplessly as Loki died right before your eyes. For all he taught you in the past months, your skills were just too weak still to stop the chaos that was raging around you.

You weren’t strong enough to keep him safe.

You’d clutched his hand as he groaned in pain, the cascade of tears falling from your eyes blurring the horrific sight. Even so, the image of his motionless, frail body lying on the ground had been burned into your memory ever since.

You returned back to Earth immediately after that, all interest in Asgard gone. You’d spent the last few years trying futilely to distract yourself by working with the Avengers, which eventually led to you studying under Dr. Strange. You trained everyday, fighting to gain some semblance of control over your abilities and determined to never let anything like what happened in Svartalfheim happen again.

Your head began to ache from the seemingly constant torrent of questions flowing through your brain. How had he survived? Why had he tricked everyone into thinking he was dead? Where had he been all this time? And most importantly, why hadn’t he come to see you?

A pang of rejection ripped through your chest as your brain fought to reconcile Loki’s actions with the sweet, caring man you came to know on Asgard. Surely you must have been mistaken-- a silly girl falling for the handsome god's tricks like a fool. No one who cared for you would leave you like that.

The low, rumbling sounds of thunder booming overhead brought you out of your thoughts. You were on your feet in an instant, body tensing and eyes flashing over to the brothers. A fleeting rush of confusion washed over you as you noted Odin’s absence, but you weren't given much time to think about it.

Thor and Loki stomped towards you with their gazes trained on something behind you. A bolt of lightning and a flash of green enveloping them respectively, the two of them simultaneously donned their battle gear. You rolled your eyes.

"So dramatic," you mumbled to yourself as you turned to face whatever it was they were heading towards.

-----------------------------------

"YOU TINY AVENGER!"

Your head snapped up instantly, body tensing as you were abruptly ripped out of your sleep by Hulk's roar. You groaned, rolling to your side and thrusting your sweaty face deeper into your pillow. Sleep had never come easy to you, and even though your dreams for the past 2 weeks had all been the same gut-wrenching memory, that didn't make your abrupt wake up call any more welcome.

You'd found Bru-Hulk almost immediately after arriving on Sakaar, seeing as the bifrost had spit you out straight into the colosseum in the middle of one of his death matches. You, having very little knowledge of how the bifrost mechanics worked, had absolutely no clue where you were.

To say you'd been confused was the understatement of the millennium.

Disoriented and probably concussed from your not-so-graceful entrance, you weren't left with much time to acclimate yourself from your surroundings before two guards had tackled you to the ground and stuck some kind of taser in your neck. Terrified, you'd tried to fight back, but you were too weak; one press of button later and you were incapacitated in an instant.The pain that seared through you from that wretched torture machine left you unable to do anything other than writhe helplessly in the dirt. Your screams of utter agony were enough to finally pull Hulk's attention away from his fight. He'd gone into a rage as soon as he realized it was you, turning on the guards instantly.

It'd been 2 weeks since then, and with no signs of either Thor or Loki you'd essentially turned into the Hulk's personal babysitter. Apparently he was too big to be fit with one of those taser-disc things and his tantrum didn't end after he'd dismembered those guards. Evidently Hulk had thrown a fit -- in the way only he really could-- and wouldn't stop until some man called the 'Grandmaster' allowed you to stay with him. In exchange for your new home, you'd been tasked with calming him down whenever necessary.

Which, you'd quickly learned, was pretty much a 24/7 job.

Grumbling and cursing under your breath, you flung your legs out of bed and stomped into the next room in a huff. You were fully prepared to give Hulk a piece of your mind, but the sight of another person in his massive room was enough to stop you dead in your tracks. Sitting next to Hulk on the steps that led up to his massive bed was a figure that made your stomach flutter with hope. Unsure and not trusting your eyes, you spoke up as you cautiously approached the pair.

“Thor?”

He turned his head at your call, a look of utter shock taking over his features as he recognized you.

"Y/N!"

He jumped to his feet, making quick work of the small space that separated the two of you and immediately pulling you into a bone-crushing hug.

"I can't believe you're here, I was so worried when I saw that she-beast knock you out of the bifrost, you have no idea," he breathed, face buried deep into your neck. You could only squeak in reply. His arms were wrapped so tightly around you that speaking wasn't exactly possible.

"Thor," you wheezed. "Can't...breathe."

Thor let you go instantly, sending you a sheepish expression as you coughed and tried to catch your breath. You doubled over and put your hands on your knees as you fought to regulate your breathing. Thor apologized, clapping a hand on your back in an awkward attempt at comfort. After a moment or two you straightened up a little bit and opened your mouth to dismiss his apologies, but Hulk beat you to the punch.

Literally.

A single swing from him was all it took to send Thor careening into the far wall. He crashed into the structure so hard that you felt the floor rattle beneath you, before falling into a heap surrounded by chunks of the crumbling plaster. Your jaw dropped.

"THOR NO HURT FRIEND," Hulk roared, stepping in front of you protectively. You quickly sidestepped his giant frame and ran to Thor before crouching down.

"Hulk no," you scolded. "He wasn't hurting me on purpose, he was just surprised! Are you okay Thor?"

"Perfectly fine," he groaned, standing quickly while swiping some of the remaining wall debris from his shoulders and stretching out his neck. "Unfortunately that's not the first time he's done that today."

"Hrrmph," Hulk pouted, stomping his foot. "Thor no hurt friend."

"It's okay buddy, I'm okay," you soothed, hand rubbing small circles on one of his massive arms.

"Yes, well," Thor grumbled, clearly miffed that your attention and sympathy had been stolen from him so quickly. "Regardless, Y/N we have to get back to Asgard as soon as possible. Hela will destroy everything if we don't stop her."

You nodded tensely. A shiver ran its course down the entire length of your spine at the mention of his demonic sister.

"Obviously, but I have absolutely no idea how we're gonna do that," you replied solemnly, crossing your arms. "My knowledge of inter-world travel begins and ends with the bifrost, and since I'm assuming that's out I have absolutely no suggestions."

Thor grinned.

-----------------------------------

“This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever been a part of,” you mumbled to yourself as you fiddled around with the controls of the ship that Valkyrie told you to get. You'd been sitting in the cockpit for an insane amount of time waiting for Thor. You'd gotten separated from him and Bruce in the massive parade after the whole Quinjet fiasco, but thankfully Valkyrie had found you later and given you the rundown of their plan.

A plan which seemed questionable at best, seeing as you'd been waiting for the past hour for a certain blond-haired god to show up.

Huffing in irritation, you poised your fingers above the controls and started the massive engines. You were about to fly off in search of your moron friends when you heard a commotion down below.

"Get help please!"

Your brows furrowed in confusion at the sound of the familiar voice’s cry.

"Thor?" you questioned to yourself quietly, heart rate picking up speed as you anxiously darted off the ship. "Thor? Is that you, what's happening?"

"Ahhh Y/N!" he grinned widely as you approached. "Perfect timing, I see Valkyrie has given us the same task."

You rolled your eyes.

"Actually I've been here a while now, what took you so lo--," you cut yourself off as you noticed Loki sprawled out on the ground behind Thor, paralyzed as one of the obedience disks tased him constantly. "Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me."

Thor followed your gaze to his brother curiously, as if he'd forgotten he was even there.

"Ah, yes. I found out Loki is also here. Surprise?" he ventured chuckling. "However since he seems to only wish to do us harm, I've elected to leave him here."

You glanced down, a pang of guilt striking you deep in your stomach at the look of pure agony etched across Loki's handsome features. You'd be lying if you didn't also feel a little bit smug at his evident discomfort, but even with all the pain he'd put you through you couldn't help but feel a tiny twinge of sympathy. His eyes locked onto your face, the blue-green orbs teaming with shock and a glimmer of an emotion you couldn’t quite place. He rolled his head desperately towards your frozen body as a wave of deja vu overcame your already overloaded mind. You stared deeply into his pain-ravaged expression, a single thought piercing through your chest as you studied his eyes.

He hadn't known you were here.

"At any rate, I imagine now would be as good a time as any to take our leave," Thor interrupted your mental musings. "Which was the ship she told us to get?"

You numbly pointed to the ship behind you, unable to tear your eyes away from the face of the man you'd thought dead for the second time in less than a month. Thor looked between you and his adoptive brother thoughtfully for a beat before comfortingly clapping a massive hand on your shoulder. The kind gesture was enough to snap you out of the daze you'd been in, and you shook your head to try and clear the tyranny of thoughts rumbling around in your brain.

You began walking robotically towards the ship, but Thor's hand gripped your shoulder harder, forcing you to stop. You looked up at him with a questioning glance, confused.

"I know we aren't exactly the closest of friends," he started, awkwardly clearing his throat. "But, as someone who's a bit too familiar with loss, I think some closure is in order here, hmm?"

You opened your mouth, eager to refute the insinuation, but Thor raised his hand to stop you before the words could come out.

“I’ve seen the way you two look at one another. Please, for your sake, say your piece now because it's the last chance you may ever get.”

Your mouth clamped shut. Swallowing thickly, your eyes darted from Thor's stern yet compassionate face to Loki's paralyzed form and back. You nodded once.

Thor smiled softly at the two of you, rubbing a small circle against your shoulder with his hand before jogging away. You took a deep breath and crouched down beside Loki's still twitching body.

"There's so much to say," you started, looking off into the distance. You knew the moment you looked at him that it’d all be over, and so you stubbornly turned your face away from him and fixed your gaze on the far wall. "I honestly don't even know where to begin. Mostly I have a lot of questions. How could you forget me so easily? Why would you just let me think that you were dead? D-did you ever care about me?"

Though his body was still completely immobilized, Loki's eyes were locked onto your face with rapt attention as you spoke. With each pained word and crack in your voice a sharp pain like a knife stabbed through his heart and drove itself deeper and deeper.

"Even if you could answer I doubt it'd mean anything," you continued, swiping a lone tear from your cheek. "I spent 4 years thinking you were gone. 4 years of grief and misery that I thought would be the worst pain I'd ever feel. But I was wrong -- knowing now that you were out there all that time, and that you didn't care enough about me to stick around? That's the worst kind of pain. The gnawing, hollowing ache of knowing that you love someone who's never going to love you back."

His eyes had never been wider as you paused briefly and let out a sob. Tears slipped down his cheeks in a mirror image of yours, and his body began twisting, desperately trying to get closer to you. You couldn’t see, but his fingers were twitching and clawing at the ground in a futile effort to connect his skin to yours. You sniffled and wiped your nose as you shakily stood to your feet, completely oblivious to his desperation. You started to walk back to the ship, pausing only for a moment to turn and make one last statement.

"I'm not going to wait, and I'm not going to wonder why anymore. Because the truth of it is, I'm just a stupid girl who fell in love with a liar. And I know I’m always going to love you, but I refuse to let you define me any longer."

-----------------------------------

You grunted in pain as the sword of one of the many undead Asgardian warriors sliced through your arm. Scoffing, you thrust your flaming fist straight into its stupid, skeletal face and sent it flying off of the bridge. Gently touching your fingertips to your bicep and grimacing when you pulled them back bloody, you turned to face Heimdal.

“There’s too many of them,” you cried, conjuring a gust of wind that knocked a group of the soldiers flying into the water below. Heimdal didn’t answer, too busy fighting to keep some distance between the Asgardian crowd and the army. Wiping a bloody hand across your forehead, you noticed the soldiers that you’d knocked into the water starting to claw their way back up into the fray. Groaning, you closed your eyes and concentrated until the water below became wild. The waves began thrashing around furiously, the tallest one knocking the skeletal bodies back down into the storm below.

Exhausted, you fell to your knees. You weren’t used to using your powers on this kind of scale, and you hardly ever exercised your control over water. Much preferring to use fire or wind, you'd never tried to manipulate an amount of water so large before. Stars danced in front of your eyes and you felt weaker than you had in years. The thudding vibrations of running boots and the clanging of swords filled your ears as you panted, and for a moment you lost all hope.

Until a firm, yet gentle hand placed itself under your chin, forcing you to look up.

"Now, now sweetling," a low voice practically purred in your ear, and you felt yourself being lifted up from the ground. "This is no place to rest."

You looked up to find the blueish-greenish eyes that'd haunted your dreams for the past 5 years staring down at you.

Loki.

Your breath hitched in your throat at the sight, a shiver running through your entire body at the sensation of being in his arms. The way his eyes bored into yours, it felt like you couldn't move, couldn't even breathe. You were locked into place, utterly mesmerized by the intensity of his gaze. He raised a hand, fingers hesitating for only a split second before they nimbly swept a piece of your hair off of your face. You couldn't help but lean your face into his palm that rested on your cheek, allowing yourself to forget everything else that wasn't the feel of his skin on yours for just a moment.

But only for a moment.

You were abruptly brought back down to earth-- or rather Asgard you supposed-- with a sensation like an earthquake vibrating upwards from your boots and the low-rumbling sound of thunder filling your ears. You straightened up in just enough time to see Thor launch himself into the fray, massive surges of lightning engulfing him. You grinned, the sight of your blonde friend looking more god-like than he had in weeks caused a surge of energy to roll through your body like one of his bolts of electricity. Suddenly re-energized and ready to fight alongside your blonde companion, you hopped to your feet. Sending Loki one last determined look, you ran head first into the battle, fists ablaze.

Savagely ripping through soldier after soldier, your red eyes were focused completely on the fight all around you. You almost didn't hear Loki as he yelled over the din of the battle.

"I did it for you, you know," he grunted as he too slashed through the seemingly never-ending torrent of Hela's army. "Staying away. It was what I thought was best."

"Seriously? We're going to do this now?" came your incredulous reply, reducing two of the soldiers into balls of flame before gaping at Loki. He kicked another off of the bridge before shrugging.

"The last two times haven't exactly been ideal either."

Humming angrily, you turned away from him and continued your attack, intent on blocking him out. Loki clearly had other plans, inching his way forward until the two of you were practically back to back as you fought.

"I was a war criminal, a prisoner and helping that mortal wasn't going to change anything. What sort of life was I to offer you had I stayed?" he reasoned before turning you forcibly around to face him.

Despite the fight still raging all around you, you paused and looked at the god in front of you. You were staring each other down, your glare meeting his distressed and pleading gaze as if the two of you were the only ones in the world.

"You expect me to believe that? That you lied to me, that you left me because you cared?" you spit out, hot tears spilling from your eyes as you spoke. Expression crumbling, Loki reached out and tried to connect your hands, but you jerked yours away before he could, your palm instantly erupting into flames.

"You deserved better than that, better than me. You still do," he murmured. "I destroy everything, everyone around me. I couldn't bear the thought of bringing another person I care for so dearly down with me."

You tried with every fiber of your being not to let him get to you. You reminded yourself of all the pain and misery he'd caused you -- futilely dredging up memories of all the nights you'd spent crying yourself to sleep. You squeezed your eyes shut as if not seeing his face would make it easier to resist. Your hands slowly started to extinguish as they shook, your anger fading to sadness that rolled into a tight ball in your chest that felt like it was going to suffocate you.

"I ca-can't...you--," you blubbered incoherently. "I can't do this now."

You turned away once more, but this time Loki stopped you by grabbing your hand desperately. The icy temperature of his skin caused what little flame was left behind to fizzle out with a small cloud of smoke. You gasped at the feeling, but didn't make any moves to remove your hand from his.

"You asked how I could forget about you so easily, and the answer is really quite simple: I didn't," he continued breathlessly. "I couldn't. You filled my mind each and every day that we were apart, and it was only the thought of you that made the days bearable. I checked on you, often. I needed to know that you were doing alright, needed to prove myself right-- that you were, and will always be, better off without me. I know I’ve given you absolutely no reason to believe me, but if you come away from this embarrassingly honest conversation knowing only one thing, I need it to be this: I do love you, my dearest Y/N. I love you more than I can rightly express aloud, and I’ll spend the rest of my miserable existance ensuring that you never question that again if you’ll allow me. ”

You couldn’t help the gasp that escaped you at his admission, and the hand that wasn’t currently entwined firmly within his flew to cover your mouth. As soon as the words left his lips you felt all of your anger, all your stubborn resolve vanish from your chest in an instant, the feelings quickly replaced by a wave of love the likes of which you’d never felt before. A choked sob left you as you searched his face frantically, looking for any twinkle of mischief or the slightest indication that he could be lying.

His expression was firm, mouth drawn in a sort of dazed smile as he gazed down at you, lovingly. Brows raised and forehead adorably wrinkled with anxiety, he waited patiently for you to respond. You searched his eyes with your own, almost getting lost in the sea of emotion that ran through them and idly wondered if yours looked the same. He looked so hopeful, so sincere, and you felt the warm feelings of your chest expand and grow at an incredible rate.

“Y-you...you love me?” you managed to murmur, gaze still locked firmly on his face as you worked intently to memorize his features. His lips quirked into what was quite possibly the most beautiful and honest smile you’d ever seen, and his hand gently lifted to your face. Rubbing soft circles into your cheek with the pad of his thumb, he answered so quietly you almost missed it.

“More than I ever thought possible.”

Unable to physically stand the distance between you for another second, you carelessly crashed your body into his. Arms winding their way around his shoulders to anchor themselves, you connected your mouth to his, desperate to feel his skin against yours. He responded just as quickly, both hands now cupping your face as his smooth lips worked fervently over yours. The two of you were pressed together so tightly it was almost painful, but you couldn’t bring yourself to focus on anything outside of the feeling of his kiss. After wondering for so long, the feeling of his skin on yours was indescribable. Your fingers threaded through his dark, curly locks as you struggled to pull him impossibly closer to you, and you shivered in pleasure at the low growl your actions seemed to pull from his throat.

After an indefinite, but altogether too brief length of time, you were forced to pull away from him -- panting and working intently to catch your breath, you settled for leaning your forehead against his as he did the same. For all the time you’d spent manipulating the wind to carry you around, you swore you’d never felt more weightless than you did in this moment. You couldn’t erase the dopey smile that you were sure was stretched across your face right now, but you didn’t care. Especially once you opened your eyes to find the same, love-struck grin plastered across Loki’s handsome features.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that,” he chuckled breathlessly. His voice was lower than you’d ever heard, and he sounded so uncharacteristically shy that you couldn’t help but lift yourself on your tiptoes to press a chaste kiss to his cheek.

“Not sure if it really needs saying at this point, but I love y--,”

“Oi, lovebirds!,” Valkyrie interrupted, shouting from across the bridge. “If it pleases the two of you, perhaps you could come help now?”

Loki cleared his throat, a pink tinge dusting across his cheeks as he noticed his brother and Valkyrie looking at the pair of you with teasing expressions. You couldn’t help but giggle at his evident embarrassment, gazing adoringly at his reddened-features for a split second. Threading your fingers through his confidently, you tugged him along and the two of you left to join your group for what you hoped would be the final battle.

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sbwriel-cymraeg · 5 years

Text

Eddie Kaspbrak deserved better.

Let me start with this. IT, written by Stephen King, made into a movie in 2017 and then another in 2019, about a clown with a big forehead, who likes dining on children, and gets his ass kicked by a group of teenage misfits (and then again when said misfits are just about past their midlife crisis). It's a horror, it's creepy and it's gross, now you see, I don't do horrors. I'm an absolute wuss. I can't even walk into a creepy abandoned building without a plank of wood in my hand for protection, and at least two people on either side of me who would obviously be kidnapped first (and that gives me enough time to scream and run away). Anyway, I don't like horrors. So you can probably guess that there was no way in hell, or earth, that I would be watching something that involved a terrifying monster who drools as much as a bulldog (he should seriously get that checked). No way I was going to read the book, as much as I love reading, and wouldn't even consider the original from the 90s although the 90s rules the movie scene (don't argue, we all know Jurassic Park is the best movie of all time). But the thing was, I have a friend, and he can be very persuading (in the form of pizza and snacks) and also, I'm a huge McAvoy fan, and James Ransone, I've never seen that guy before but well, when I saw him in the trailer, hello handsome. And don't get me started on Bill Hader, man do I fancy that bloke... Anyway I'm going off topic. So blah blah, we end up sitting down one night, with our buffet and many cups of tea, and weirdly, we start watching IT Chapter 2 first, because he wanted to see it since it was new. I go into it with no bloody clue what was going on, who was who, why parents would let their kid out in the rain by themselves, or how nobody noticed a load of bodies leaking out of the sewer. I was asking alot of questions. But, here's the thing. Onto the whole point of this rant. Eddie Kaspbrak. Eddie Spaghetti. Eds. The cute, little, angry man who instantly caught my attention (not just by the fact that Mr Ransone is a handsome S.O.B). From the moment he sped down the road in his posh jeep, yelling at other drivers (I feel your pain Eds) to crashing said posh jeep because he was distracted by a phone call (bad Eddie!) He instantly stole my 28 year old, attracted to dark and handsome older men, heart. Of course, I had no clue about these characters, all I saw was cute, angry man, funny dork with glasses, red headed lady, that guy from New Zealand, man who lasted five seconds, handsome librarian, and Professor X, and of course that clown that lives in the drain. So, as the movie went on, Eddie became my number one (Richie following behind in second). I learnt all about him from my friend, and more about him during the film, and couldn't help but feel sorry for the little bastard. He had a wife that I could tell he didn't love who treated him like doodoo, as a kid his dearest mom was overprotective, controlling and gave him freaking placebos to make him think he was ill (the fuck Mrs K?), that made him so nervous about getting sick and paranoid beyond belief, and I mean, his job wasn't the most exciting. Not to mention he has anxiety worse than a nun in a whore house, and was obviously afraid the most out of the group. And then, AND THEN, the film decides to drop some hints about Richie. Ah, dearest Richie, who has perfect taste in men. He's in love with Eddie. In. Freaking. Love with him. You could tell by the way he was so protective of him, constantly made fun of him (we all know that's how dudes get their crushes attention) and of course, R + E. So, of course, nearing the end of the movie, there's me grinning like an idiot, having the thought of Eddie and Richie getting out of the final fight untouched, Richie declaring his undying love for his Eddie Spaghetti, Eddie admitting his feelings for his Trashmouth, getting a kiss in there, Eds declaring he was divorcing him moth- sorry, wife, and the two walking into the sunset to start a new life together, in a nice cottage in the hills, getting married, having three kids, five dogs, ten cats, and living happily ever after. But then, my hopes and dreams were shattered. Stephen, I'm looking at you. They killed Eddie. THEY KILLED EDDIE! EDDIE! Out of all the FREAKING characters they could have booted off, they chose Eddie the rage monster, the little man with a big personality, the least deserving to freaking die in my opinion. Stephen, how could you? How could you?! Why did he have to die? Why did they have to end his life that way? Why couldn't he have a happy ending like the rest of the Losers? Not including Richie of course. Oh no, they didn't just fuck Eddie over, they also fucked over Richie. Killing the love of his life, right after he saves him, bleeding all over his big ass glasses, calling his name softly, looking at him with his big, brown eyes. Yep, Richie probably went home after the Kissing Bridge and thought about Eddie every damn day of his life. But no, they didn't just kill Eddie, oh no no, they went a step further. They left his body to rot in the sewers. Yes Andy, I'm glaring at you, you evil, evil man. They didn't take the route that Mr King took in his book, or from the original IT movie (yes I watched that later on too) no, Mr A decided to have Eddie die all alone whilst the Losers finished off Pennywise, then have Richie go back and see his dead body, freak out and have hope that they can save him, hug him tight, and not let him go. And then, oh boy, and then, they have Mike and Ben literally FORCE Richie off of Eddie, and DRAG him out of the sewers. WITHOUT EDDIE. I'm sorry Mr Andy, but tell me, how could they, Eddie's best friends, the ones who were always there for him, who they loved and adored, leave Eddie there in the sewers, all alone, in the dark, dirty, graveyard that would have had Eddie crying at the thought? It didn't make ANY sense to me. If Ben and Mike had the strength to drag a struggling, six foot something Richie away from Eddie, then surely they could have picked Eddie up between them, and got him out of there. If I was Richie, I would have decked the lot of them, Losers or not. And that's where I got pretty darn mad. Eddie didn't deserve that shit. For one, he didn't deserve to die. And two, he didn't deserve to be left down there, to slowly decay. He should have been pulled out by his friends, Richie could have had a moment with him, Eddie could have been given a funeral where his friends, and especially Richie could have said goodbye. Then, they'd have had somewere where they could memorialise him, go back and place flowers and silly things like inhalers and red shorts on his headstone, have a get together and remember him and talk to him, somewhere where Richie could always go to, knowing that Eddie was put to rest properly, and somewhere were he could sit and cry to himself, remembering all the fucking good times they had as kids and how god damn hard he fell for the crazy little shit. But, nah, we'll just leave him in the sewers, under a collapsed house, somewhere the Losers wouldn't want to visit again, somewhere they can't have a funeral, can't put Eddie to rest, somewhere that has too many bad memories and would remind everyone of how exactly Eddie lost his life. So yeah, you can say I'm pretty mad about all of that. I know he's a fictional character, but damn, he didn't deserve that shit. Neither did Richie. And to make it worse, when I watched the first movie afterwards, Eddie was just as freaking hilarious, and ridiculous as his older self. Little Eddie was a force to be reckoned with, he was definitely still my favourite even as a kid. The dude who played him, huge kudos to him. How could you not like tiny Eddie? It also showed me a lot more about how Eddie grew up, by that I mean how his mother really did treat him, and boy did I hate the fact that he died even more! So yeah, I may have gone off on one a tad... I couldn't help myself, Eddie Kaspbrak has now got a big place in the fictional character side of my heart. Just goes to show just how much actors can make an impact on people's lives, and how real they make them seem! So, I've said my part, and it's pretty obvious what I think about the ending to Mr Spaghetti's story. Encase you didn't get how I feel about it, it sucked. Eddie Kaspbrak should have lived. Should have had a second chance, especially with Richie! Not all movies follow the ending of books, so why did this one have to? Why did Ben and Redhead get to have a happily ever after and Richie and Eddie didn't? Why didn't they at least make his death meaningful and give him the send off he deserved? In other words, Eddie deserved better. That should be the motto of the movie. That's me signing off, I'm going to go be mad somewhere else, because I'll never get over this movie. I'm a huge fan now, but man, the ending was as bad as Bill's endings. Oh and uh, fuck you Pennywise. Oh, also, if anyone's going to Wales Comic con this Saturday (you should, because James Ransone will be there, I know right, what are the chances?) come say hi. I'll be dressed in a yellow raincoat and green wellies, holding a red balloon... Don't ask why, I just like the colours. See you later, Losers.

#Eddie Kaspbrak #it #James Ransone #Richie tozier #it chapter 2 #reddie

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ladyofpurple · 5 years

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answer all of the questions!!

holy SHIT ok bless you omg

(sorry it's a full day late i took this shit SERIOUSLY. don't ask me how many hours this took, i was in A Mood™️ last night. removed the ones already answered xoxo)

angel; have you ever been in love?

yeah. didn't end too well, but i loved him.

petal; favorite novel and author?

this is like asking me to pick a favorite child. i guess favorite author would be stephen king, if only based entirely on the sheer quantity of his books i own alone. favorite book would probably be special topics in calamity physics by marisha pessl, and i'm only saying that because it's been my go-to response for years. i have lots of favorite books. ask me again in five minutes and i'll give you another one.

honey perfume; favorite perfume/scent?

freshly made coffee. lilacs. jasmine. cut grass. the ground after it rains. chocolate chip cookies in the oven. cigarette smoke on skin. my mom's shampoo. my grandma. my dog when he's just had a bath. thanksgiving dinner. acrylic paint on canvas. sawdust. that one cologne i can't name but can smell on a guy from a mile away. mulled cranberry and apple juice. vanilla. coconut. fresh laundry. peppermint.

sweet pea; what’s your zodiac?

virgo sun, pisces moon, scorpio rising ✨

softie; talk about your sexuality.

i'm biromantic asexual, primarily attracted to men more than women (but have had too many crushes on girls to consider myself het), generally sex repulsed when it comes to the thought of having it myself. i prefer to call myself queer in passing conversation, it's easier than explaining asexuality and the differences between sexual and romantic attraction. if someone asks more specifically, i'll usually just call myself bi for simplicity's sake, even though the ace part is a much more important (to me) part of my identity. monogamous as fuck.

i'm still struggling with internalized homophobia and a lot of "am i even queer enough" thoughts, which is super fun. took me a long time to even consider the fact that i might like girls at all. i'll probably never come out to my parents. not that they'd, like, disown me or whatever, but they're juuuuust homophobic/transphobic enough that my few attempts to educate them when they say something A Little Yikes have shown me that i should probably just stay in the closet unless i absolutely have to come out. like i'm getting married to a woman or something.

sugarplum; what’s the color of your eyes and hair?

i usually say my eyes are green because it's easier, and they mostly are, but i have rings of greyish blue around the irises and sometimes they're more hazel in the middle. they always have a green tint to them though, even if the intensity of the green varies.

my natural hair is brown, a little on the darker and slightly ashy side of completely generic. currently a former blonde, although i'm hoping to bleach my fucking YEAR of growout soon, and then go some crazy color as a last hurrah before i have to go dark again. being broke fucking sucks.

wings; coffee or tea?

tea!! black tea. chai, to be specific, with an irresponsible amount of milk and sugar. chai lattes are a fucking drug okay? coffee makes me sick (not a judgement, a literal fact. last time i tried some i threw up).

fairytale; are you a cat or dog person?

cat!! but my family has a chihuahua named sonny and you can pry that little monster from my cold dead hands ok i will fight you.

snowflake; favorite time period?

okay, i wrote and rewrote my answer to this about 10 times. then i tried to divide it up into categories (aesthetics, history, fashion, vibes, geographical location, etc), but that didn't help. so basically: i don't have one, because i have too many.

i like the american 20s-60s for the aesthetic, music/movies, and the fashion. i also like the european 1600s-1800s for the interesting history and also vibe. i love the french and russian revolutions — the fashion! the art! the wars and political upheaval! I FUCKING LOVE HISTORY. then, of course, we can't forget the rennaisance. or the witch trials (pick your continent). and ancient greece? the roman empire? hello?? did i mention empires? how bout we mosy on over to south america — can i interest you in the mayans? incans? aztecs? what about china and japan? korea? vietnam? and don't even get me fucking STARTED on the black plague.

ancient egypt? sign me the FUCK UP. vikings? yes please. the celts? oh boy. the MYTHOLOGY. the ARCHITECTURE. the LANGUAGES and POLITICS and LITERATURE and REVOLUTIONS and GOD HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN ANY OF THESE

i uh. might have gotten a little excited. basically i like history a lot. and mythology. and linguistics. and cultural practices. and the politics and prejudices behind wars and stuff. and learning in general. moving on.

vanilla; do you believe in ghosts?

let's put it this way: i don't not believe in ghosts??

listen. we don't know jack shit. we don't know what happens after we die, there are constant scientific revelations that turn our understanding of the universe completely upside-down, and there is literally no way to know which religions or myths or urban legends could have some grain of truth to them. like, dude, i've literally thought i was haunted before. psychology is bananas and the universe is infinite.

demons could be real. ghosts could be real. what if we just haven't invented the necessary technology to prove it yet? what if we never do, and they just fuck around alongside us, moving furniture and making shadow puppets on the walls just for kicks until the earth explodes? what if that one tumblr post was right and ghosts are actually real people from alternate universes or timelines that we see accidentally bc some cosmic wires got crossed? who fucking knows.

i love horror movies and scary stories and ghost hunter shows just as much as the next gal. but listen. psychics? mediums? people who accept every single creepypasta retold third-hand from their neighbor's kid's classmate's second cousin who "totally knows a guy"? doubt.jpeg

i don't understand the sheer amount of assumptions made willy-nilly about the nature of ghosts and demons and things that go bump in the night. the assumption that "oh this machine that totally doesn't look like a coathanger taped to a walkman will work because ghosts have this temperature and can always communicate like this and are electromagnetic" or whatever just baffles me. to a certain degree, following a general consensus is one thing — some basic things everyone can agree on? that's cool. ghosts can walk through walls and are probably dead people or whatever. but oh my god, taking every single story as absolute, undeniable proof?? taking these stories and expanding on them to infer intentions and scientific facts to something that by it's very nature is unknowable and assuming, like, every spirit is created equal?? and yeah, ghost hunting shows are fun and campy and kinda creepy but like. you really, genuinely don't think any of them have ever faked anything at all??? even if ghosts are real, it's fucking reality tv, my dude. it's the entertainment industry. at least maintain the slightest ounce of critical thought before taking zak bagans' word as the goddamn gospel.

and sidenote, maybe it's just my limited exposure as a white woman in the western world, but of all the shows and podcasts and movies and documentaries and whatnot i've been able to find and consume, there's the constant use of christian ideology applied to every situation that just really burns my bacon. what, there's never been an atheist ghost? if you see a shadow person and you don't know the lord's prayer by heart, are you automatically fucked? why are there never stories about, i don't know, viking ghosts? does your religion in life preclude you from becoming a ghost in the first place? is that why people never mention buddhist ghosts? i don't get it, and that's why even though i'm self-admittedly the most superstitious person i've ever met, true believers make me roll my eyes so hard they almost fall out. makes me come across as more skeptical than i theoretically am. I HAVE VERY STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS OK

but like, you couldn't pay me to fuck with a ouija board. i'm not stupid.

delicate; diamonds or pearls?

both have their appeal and their place, but diamonds, i guess. i like the sparkle. but fake ones!! or synthetic. diamonds are overpriced and artificial scarcity is a scam and i don't need a dumb rock that some poor person in a mine somewhere was exploited and possibly died for. no blood diamonds in this house, thank you very much.

if i ever get engaged, i don't want a diamond ring. i'd want something cool, a little unusual, like a ruby or a sapphire or some other sparkly gem that isn't literally shoved in your face every waking moment as the expected standard symbol of True Love. they're cheaper, they're cool-looking, as a ring they still hold the cultural symbolism of an engagement/wedding ring. and honestly, as long as it's well-made and durable, whatever hypothetical gem it is doesn't have to be real either. i'm a woman of simple needs and demonstrably low standards. no point in going into debt for a fucking piece of jewelry, regardless of ~tradition~.

lavender dream; favorite album?

oh lord. welcome to the black parade, i guess. or anything by panic! at the disco. there are dozens of possible options — my interests are mercurial and my memory is garbage. but i'll always be an emo little shit. black parade and vices and virtues were also the first two albums i ever listened to where i loved every single song on them, and i happened to listen to them for the first time at around the same point in my life (i got into mcr super late. like, 2012 late. rip).

silky; what’s your biggest dream?

it's cheesy but i guess i just want stability and, by extension, happiness. emotional stability, mental stability, financial stability, stable living situation, stable routines, stable relationships... you get the idea. i have ambitions and passions, of course, but my ultimate goal is happiness at this point in my life, and i'm pretty sure stabilizing all those things would go a pretty long way in achieving that goal.

a little apartment with walls i can paint because white walls make me angry. bookshelves and posters and fandom merch on every wall. a computer i can actually play games on again, and somewhere i can paint and draw and record my podcasts. someone who loves me, maybe. a cat, if i'm stable enough. space for people to come visit me, and a place for them to sleep if they need. a tiny balcony, if i really want to shoot for the stars. a job i don't hate. the spoons to hang out with my friends, and the money to not worry about buying little presents for the people i care about sometimes. i don't need much.

strawberry kiss; do you have a crush right now?

nope.

glitter; favorite fictional character?

another loaded question. like books, if you ask me again in five minutes i'll probably give you a different answer. but in this particular moment, caleb and jester from critical role (please don't make me choose between them). i won't go full shipping mode rn, but jester is so funny and silly and sweet, so much more complex than she seems, and she tries so hard to make everyone happy even when she's so sad inside. the healer who treats healing as an inconvenience in battle (she's so fucking valid and also mood), the glue that keeps the party together. and caleb learning to trust again, facing his trauma and coming out of his shell. he loves his friends so much he plays wizard as a support class and i love him so much.

i love the mighty nein in general, of course, and all the guests/honorary members they've had. pumat!! pls don't be evil reani!! keg!! shakäste and grand duchess anastasia!! cali!! kiri!!!! the brotps! empire siblings! chaos crew! nott the best detective agency! i still love molly and all his assholery to bits (fight me), and mourn his lost potential. i adore yasha, even when she's gone; fjord has grown so much; beau and nott and caduceus — i love all their flaws and disagreements and their character arcs and the excitement of watching them grow and learn. but if i had to choose, caleb, jester and molly have always been my top 3 since day 1 and, well, molly isn't really an option anymore.

but like i said, ask me again in a minute. i have a fucking list.

swan; share a quote or passage that means something to you.

a collection of things off the top of my head:

Elinor agreed to it all, for she did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition. — Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen

a tired feminist Mood™️

"What I say is, a town isn't a town without a bookstore. It may call itself a town, but unless it's got a bookstore, it knows it's not foolin' a soul." — American Gods, Neil Gaiman

i got my love of books from my grandma — some of my favorites i got from her. sometimes, as a treat, she used to take my sister and i to bookstores and we'd stay there for ages, getting to pick one out, roaming the shelves, the mental torture of having to choose. the peace of being surrounded by thousands of potential worlds, so much information, so many stories just waiting to be told; being surrounded by strangers who share that same wonder. the anxious drive home so we could read them, being unable to wait that long so i inevitably start reading in the car and make myself sick. telling her in excited detail all my favorite parts. if we were lucky, maybe we got to split a bear claw, or she'd drive past starbucks and get us something there too (tall vanilla soy steamer with one pump of vanilla syrup, whipped cream on top that always melted too quickly and squirted out the hole in the lid, so hot it burned my tongue but so good i didn't care). i have never felt more at home than i do when i'm surrounded by books.

"There are a lot of different types of freedom. We talk about freedom the same way we talk about art, like it was a statement of quality rather than a description. “Art” doesn’t mean good or bad. Art just means art. It can be terrible and still be art. Freedom can be good or bad, too. There can be terrible freedom. You freed me, and I didn’t ask you to." — Alice Isn't Dead, season 1, chapter 2: Alice

as cringey as it is to admit it, this line made me cry a lot after my breakup.

"So you aren't American?" asked Shadow.

"Nobody's American," said Wednesday. "Not originally. That's my point." — American Gods, Neil Gaiman

[side-eyes white america real hard]

there's more, of course. there's always more. don't even get me started on song lyrics, we'll be here all day.

lace; what’s your favorite plant/flower?

lilacs and roses.

mermaid; do you prefer the forest or the ocean? why?

both, i guess. but in different ways, and in different circumstances.

the sea is wild. it is endless and deep and unknowable. it is beautiful and dangerous. i am terrified of the ocean, and yet my favorite place in the world is an empty beach on the oregon coast. i have picked sand from between my toes for days with hair crusted in salt, danced around bonfires and watched the stars while marshmallows burn, gotten pulled under the waves as a child and nearly swept out to sea. picked starfish and crabs from small pools in the rocks, and swum (accidentally) with wild sea lions. in a long skirt, too early in the year to be swimming, i once took off my shoes and waded fully clothed into the water to my waist and just... danced. splashed and kicked and laughed with a boy i barely knew until our throats were sore and our toes were numb, walking home hours later with our soaked clothes clinging to our legs, shoes squelching, dripping algae as we went. the ocean is freeing and overwhelming all at once. i love it and am petrified by it in equal measure.

the forest is beautiful in a different way. it is silent and dense and serene. you are surrounded by life and yet, somehow, completely alone. there is magic in the forest, and history, and even when all else dies, that will remain. the trees grow from the corpses of their ancestors, and some have lived dozens of our lifetimes — with luck, a few dozen more. it is quiet there, peaceful, even the tiniest wood in the middle of a city muffling the outside world through the trees. you can feel the ancient ways deep in your soul as you follow winding paths strewn with fallen leaves, the mystery and wonder and superstitions of your forefathers. you wonder what it would be like, to run your fingers over the moss, to take off your shoes and socks and just run, leaping and dancing over rocks and roots, hair wild and air filling your lungs in deep, pure gulps as you shed the responsibilities and struggles of modern life, for just a moment remembering what freedom tastes like. it is primal, this connection to nature, one we have nearly forgotten over time. and as the sky grows dark and the silence of night presses against you, shadows looming, every footfall deafening, perhaps you begin to understand why some believed in monsters.

honeymoon; do you keep a journal?

i used to. honestly, that's a good idea, i should start doing that again. lord knows i have enough empty journal-type books.

starlight; do you believe in love at first sight and soulmates? why/why not?

i want to. i want to believe there's someone out there for me, the love of my life, someone to whom i'll be the love of their life, and that when i meet them i'll just... know.

but when i met my ex, i didn't really look twice at him for a while — no love at first sight. and when we were together, when i loved him and he swore he loved me back, i thought he hung the stars in the sky and knew i would marry him someday. couldn't even consider the idea that that wouldn't happen. and then when he broke up with me, he ghosted me so suddenly and thoroughly that he even preemptively cut contact with every single one of our mutual friends he thought might side with me in the breakup, before anybody even knew we'd had a fight. so, not soulmates either.

i really want to believe that someday the perfect romance will just fall into place and i can have the happily ever after i've always dreamed of. but the reality is i might never even have another s.o. for the rest of my life. maybe i'll get hit by a car tomorrow, or my hypothetical soulmate moves to argentina to become an alpaca farmer on a mountain somewhere and we never even meet. maybe i'm so traumatized by the betrayal and lies that i'll never have the courage to even try again.

and even so, happily ever after doesn't have to include a fairytale romance, regardless of whether i want it or not. i still like to cling to that hope though, deep down.

princess; what do you value most in people?

i'm going to assume you mean "real people" as in people i have positive relationships with, and not random strangers on the street.

loyalty. kindness. support. humor. similar values. patience. being able to grow together and teach each other things, so we can make each other better. honesty. trust. compassion. confidence. emotional vulnerability. communication. intelligence, or at least a willingness to learn. strength.

#nobody asked me to go this hard and yet here we are #my favorite pasttimes: talking about myself and being pretentious on main #Lady answers stuff #anon good nurse #Lady of Purple's slice of life #ask meme

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