#why must I be like this like genuinely I feel so frustrated upset distressed and sad and just. why won't it stop I'm tired of cleaning it

[omegapheromone]

Sobbing in my nest because I feel ghost crumbs even when I've cleaned it at least four times now and I know there are none but still somehow Bad Feelings against my skin and I can't do anything about it. The blanket isn't soft enough and my pillows hurt my neck. I might actually start crying about this it's so. Dumb I'm just having sensory issues and being emotionally fragile but it's upsetting me SO MUCH

[scarlettjemily]

Good Luck, Babe! Pt. 2.

Part 1:

Description: Continuation of part 1. Emily confides in Garcia after JJ runs out crying. JJ goes home and tries to cope by getting drunk. No one has heard from her in a while and despite Emily being hurt, she goes to check on her anyway.

Tags: Slightly angsty, V sad Emily, V drunk JJ, Sober JJ is clumsy, wait until you see drunk JJ, mommmy prentiss taking care of JJ, Penelope being such a cute friend, mommy prentiss is mad at JJ but she can’t help the way she feels, drunk JJ is cute but also clearly has a problem.

Chapter 2/??

Not my pictures.

“What happened with JJ? Oh my god, Emily, what’s wrong?” Penelope Garcia burst into Emily’s office, panic etched across her face after she had spotted JJ leaving, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Emily jolted at the intrusion, quickly composing herself and wiping her eyes, but it was too late. “Not now, Garcia. Please leave,” she coughed, her voice trembling with the attempt to suppress her emotion.

But Penelope couldn’t leave; not after witnessing the distress etched on both her friends' faces. She had tried to catch JJ, but the woman had vanished before she could reach her. “I’m not going anywhere. JJ just stormed out, sobbing, and now I find you in tears too? We all know that when Emily Prentiss cries, something must be terribly wrong.” She settled into the chair JJ had just vacated, her heart racing with concern.

Emily forced a humorless chuckle, sinking into her office chair, her gaze fixed on the ceiling. “It’s so complicated, Penelope. You have no idea.” A tear escaped, tracing a path down her cheek.

“That’s why I’m here. What’s going on?” Penelope leaned forward, genuine worry painting her features.

“It was me. I was the woman,” Emily whispered, her voice cracking as the weight of her confession bore down on her. Tears streamed down her face, and her breath hitched. “We slept together once. I don’t know how it happened, but I loved her so much, Garcia. I was completely in love with her, and she chose Will. She chose him and told me it meant nothing.” Rage flickered in her eyes, mingling with the hurt. “Then she walks in today, telling me she’s gay and that she did love me back then, but that she was broken.” Emily turned to Penelope, her pain raw and palpable. “She hurt me so badly. All I ever wanted was for her to love me back. And now she’s saying she did? Ten years? We could’ve had—something.”

Penelope was taken aback. She had been close to both women during that time and had never suspected a thing. The strength it must have taken for Emily to bury her pain was staggering. “I’m so sorry, Emily. I can’t believe you went through all of this alone. I wish you’d told us; we could’ve helped.” She edged closer, resting her arms on the desk, offering what comfort she could. “I know this happened a decade ago, but why can’t you both have something now? She’s left Will, she’s embraced who she is, and she confessed her love for you!”

Emily shook her head persistently, her hand lifting as if to put a wall up, blocking Garcia’s statement. “No way. I won’t let her hurt me again. I can’t trust her. How would I know she’s telling the truth this time? She’ll probably run back to Will, breaking my heart all over again. Nope.” Though the tears had ceased, her eyes remained red and swollen, reflecting her current emotional state.

Penelope wanted to scream in frustration, but she knew better. Her friend was in pain, yet all she could see was the possibility of love rekindled. “You won’t know unless you talk to her, Emily. She was really upset.”

Emily rolled her eyes, bitterness creeping into her voice. “Good, now she knows how I felt.” The resentment clung to her like a second skin. She wished JJ had never opened her mouth.

Meanwhile, JJ stumbled down the corridor of her apartment building, desperate to escape the weight of the conversation she had with Emily. Tears still stung her eyes, and she sniffled, wiping her nose as she unlocked her door and stepped inside.

The silence of her apartment was deafening. The bare walls and minimal furniture mirrored the emptiness she felt inside. She tossed her bag onto the kitchen counter and opened the fridge, the sound of clinking bottles breaking the heavy stillness. Grabbing a half-finished bottle of tequila, she contemplated a glass but discarded the thought, lifting the bottle straight to her lips. The burning liquid seared her throat, and she grimaced. “Ugh, fuck, that’s gross,” she muttered, heading to the lounge and collapsing onto the couch.

Hours later, JJ woke on the couch, sprawled awkwardly, her arm dangling off the side. The shrill ringing of her phone pierced the fog of her drunkenness. She groaned, hoping it would stop, but it persisted.

Flinging her leg off the couch, she used her hands to push herself up, stumbling slightly as the room seemed to tilt around her. She shuffled toward the kitchen where her phone lay, misjudging the distance to the coffee table and catching her foot. She fell, crashing onto the glass surface, the sharp sound of shattering glass filling the room. A scream escaped her lips as shards flew, some embedding in her skin. Lying on the ground, a low laugh escaped her—a bittersweet acknowledgment of her situation. She was grateful for the alcohol dulling the pain.

Eventually, she managed to rise on all fours, groaning as she crawled toward the kitchen, glass cutting into her hands and knees, leaving a trail of blood in her wake. She reached the counter, desperately grabbing her phone, which still buzzed relentlessly.

“What? What do you want?” she grunted, leaning back against the kitchen island, her head spinning.

“JJ, it’s Garcia. Where are you? Are you okay? You left hours ago and haven’t answered anyone’s calls! We’re worried! You didn’t tell anyone where you were going, and I kind of told Prentiss, and now she’s coming to find you. Please don’t hate me; I’m so sorry!”

JJ laughed, the absurdity of the situation hitting her. “Well great, Garcia, I’m drunk as fuck right now, and the woman I love is coming to my house.” Realization washed over her, and she corrected herself, “Loved, loved. I do not love her, but she’s gonna freak, Garcia. I kinda may have fallen and broken my coffee table, and there’s a lot of blood. You gotta call her and tell her to go.” She struggled to contain her laughter, knowing it was darkly humorous.

“Blood? JJ, what the heck happened?! Are you okay? I’m not telling her to go; you obviously need help! Do I need to call an ambulance?!” Panic flared in Garcia’s voice.

“No, no, don’t call an ambulance. It’s just a little cut—” JJ halted at the sound of a knock on her door. “Ah, fuck, Garcia, she’s here! You can stop freaking out now.” She hung up and tossed the phone to the floor.

Emily stood outside, dread pooling in her stomach. She didn’t want to be here, but she couldn’t ignore her concern for JJ. “JJ?! It’s Emily! Open the door!” She knocked urgently, her heart racing.

“I’m coming, hang on!” The drunk woman yelled. She stayed leaning against the kitchen bench, she couldn’t quite find the strength to get up. She drank half a bottle of tequila, there’s no doubt she was still trying not to completely black out.

“JJ?!” Emily’s voice came through the door, accompanied by more knocks.

JJ jolted awake again “oh” she chuckled; forgetting her boss was outside her door. “I’m coming, I’m coming” she used all her strength to drag herself up on her feet. Finally, JJ appeared, barely managing to keep the door open, the safety chain still in place. “Em, hi! What’s up?” Her heavy-lidded eyes and goofy smile betrayed her inebriation, but it was the blood—dark and smeared across her face—that sent a jolt of panic through Emily.

“JJ, oh my god! What happened?” Emily gasped, alarm flooding her senses.

JJ waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, nothing. Clumsy me, I just fell,” she slurred, squinting against the bright hallway light. “Sorry you had to come here; I’m fine, so you can go now.” She attempted to close the door, but Emily wedged her foot in the opening.

“JJ, you’re drunk. You’ve got a cut on your head that looks serious. Open the door so I can help you.”

With a dramatic sigh, JJ rolled her eyes. “Ugh, fine.” She shut the door briefly, then opened it fully, removing the safety chain. “Fucking Garcia,” she muttered, staggering back into the kitchen. “Welcome to my lovely home! Want a drink? I finished the tequila, but I’ve got vodka, whiskey, gin…” She opened the fridge and yanked out a bottle of vodka, twisting off the cap and tossing it aside. “Let’s have vodka; hope you don’t mind sharing the bottle.” She laughed and took a long swig, wincing as the liquor burned her throat.

“Hey, no, no! Put that bottle down!” Emily’s heart raced as she took in the chaos around her—glass and blood strewn everywhere. She rushed toward JJ, desperate to take the bottle from her.

“What? You got a problem sharing the bottle? We fucked once, remember? Now you care about saliva?” JJ tried to lift the bottle again, but Emily swiftly intervened, wrenching it from her grasp and hurling it into the sink, where it shattered, spilling vodka everywhere.

“What the fuck! That was my vodka!” JJ shouted, irritation flashing in her eyes, but Emily wasn’t backing down.

“Jennifer, you’re bleeding! My god, you’ve got glass everywhere.” She inspected JJ closely—blood trickling from her hands, knees, and staining her shirt. “We need to take you to the hospital.”

JJ pouted like a petulant child, her hands drooping to her sides. “No, Em, please. I don’t want to go. Can’t you just clean me up? Pretty please?” She looked up at Emily with a wide, almost giggly smile, her eyes pleading like a child’s.

Emily watched, concern tightening in her chest. JJ was clearly not in a good place. Guilt washed over her; she felt responsible for this reaction. “Fine. Your room now. Where’s your first aid kit?”

JJ smirked, raising an eyebrow playfully. “Oh yes, Agent Prentiss, I’ll go to my room now. The first aid kit is in the bathroom.” She stumbled away, a giggle escaping her lips that felt disjointed against the gravity of the moment.

As JJ disappeared down the hallway, Emily whispered to herself, “What the fuck?” A wave of anger had coursed through her earlier, but now all she felt was worry. How had she missed the signs of JJ’s struggle? This wasn’t like her at all; JJ never drank like this. The sight of her friend, so unlike herself, sent a chill through Emily. She had never seen JJ this way before, and it scared her.

Part 3:

[damnedparker]

some reassurance

pairing: adrian chase/vigilante x reader (gender neutral, no y/n) warnings: reader is sensitive to ppl yelling, some insecurities. getting fired. hurt/comfort. i really think that's it! summary: adrian comforts you after you get fired by your asshole boss.

this was half-written in my drafts so i figured i'd finish it out in between all my deadlines,, it's short but who doesn't enjoy a little adrian comfort??? ((snow days part 2 is coming eventually i promise!! just gimme time pls <3))

You never really thought you’d be taking a walk of shame at two in the afternoon. Well, some kind of walk of shame— one far worse than what most people would consider. You would prefer a night of sex over being absolutely berated, personally insulted, and fired by your boss. In a most certainly not soundproof office.

It wasn’t until you finally made it to your apartment that you felt the burning tears start to come fast and hard. Your hands shook as you tried and failed multiple times to get the key into the lock. A frustrated noise left your mouth and you kicked the door, one, two, three times, as if it was its fault that you couldn’t simply just unlock it. You went for a fourth but your foot met nothing but air, and you were suddenly on the floor. Your boyfriend looked down at you with a concerned expression.

“What’d the door do to you?” He asked. It was a genuine question at this point, as he had no idea why you were home this early, or why you had attempted to kick the door down. You just looked up at him for a moment, taking in the comfort of the one person who seemed to be nice to you. Adrian Chase. Curls a mess over his head, still in boxers and a shirt that had once been yours but now belonged to both of you, much like how the apartment he lived in had become your home. He had clearly just woken up, eyes still bleary and a slight stumble in his step, glasses slightly askew on his nose. His face alone was such a familiar sight, comfort all wrapped up in your favorite person, that the change in environment from one of everything stressful and demeaning to safety and home, everything came crashing down around you. The insults, the yelling, the avoidant glances of your coworkers, the walk home in the freezing cold, all of it. Tears stung your eyes and flooded your cheeks. A sob escaped your mouth.

Adrian dropped to his knees next to you immediately, concern flooding his features. He did not know what the fuck was going on, why his favorite person ever was upset, on the floor, and in tears. Panic iced his veins cold as he helped you sit up.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Where are you hurt? Tell me, if you’re bleeding we need to stop it. Do we need to go to a hospital? Who hurt you because I swear—“

“I’m not hurt.” You managed, voice watery. Adrian frowned, taking your face in his hands.

“That’s not true, your feelings must be if you’re crying. I hate seeing you cry,” he mumbled. The laminate floor was bruising underneath your knees, and your legs began to tremble trying to hold yourself up for even this long. Your nerves seemed to fry at the emotional distress burning at you. “Why’re you crying?”

“I got fired.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious,” you sniffled. His hands slipped away from your face as you basically fell forward into his chest. You moved your arms around his shoulders. Adrian pulled you into a tight hug, carefully lifting you as he slowly got to his feet with you still clinging to him. He walked the two of you to your bedroom and sat you on the bed as gently as possible. You sniffled to yourself as you slowly came down from the tears, while your boyfriend dressed you down and back up into some pajamas. A shirt of his, your softest shorts. It smelled strongly of detergent— it had been Adrian's turn to do the laundry this week, and he always overloaded his loads with it. Something you'd scolded him for when the two of you first started living together, but it soon became a comfort whenever a patrol or mission left your bed empty. Whenever you were at work, dealing with people who never seemed to like you. You had a reminder of someone who liked you more than anything else in the world. A place where you belonged.

The mattress dipped next to you as he took a seat, his arms coming back around your waist to pull you close to him. He rested his chin on your shoulder, right on top of where he'd placed a kiss just before.

“What’s your boss’s name again? Trevor or some shit?”

“Trey,” you paused as you considered why he was asking. “Adrian, you don’t need to kill him.”

“Yeah, but I want to,” he grumbled. “There’s not a thing you can do wrong, like ever. No way this was justifiable. That motherfucker has it coming, making you cry." His arms tightened protectively around you. You were silent, not able to push words over the lump in your throat, past the sniffling and the trembling of your hands. In the back of your head, you knew this was a valid reaction to losing your job— even one that you hated. But what was louder was the berating thoughts of you being so damn sensitive, fucking crybaby, stop crying. It just made your stomach turn even further. You squirmed in Adrian’s hold, just wanting to crawl out of your body and stop existing for a while. He was still murmuring bitter words about how you never deserved to be fired— as far as he was concerned, you could never do any wrong, certainly not anything that caused you to be berated so badly you had come home crying. And while the sentiment was so sweet, absurdly kind as Adrian always was to you, you couldn’t help the sinking feeling that sent you spiraling; of course this would happen, why wouldn’t it? When have I ever done anything that deserved something good sticking around?

“Maybe I deserved it,” it was barely a mumble. Under your breath, mostly to yourself. Your boyfriend was still talking a mile a minute, but it all halted when he picked up your comment.

“Hey, no fucking way, tater tot, there’s no way you could ever deserve to be treated so badly that it’s made you this upset,” he squeezed your hip in reassurance. “You’re, like, the greatest human being ever invented. And Trevor—“

“Trey—“

“Whatever the fuck his stupid name is, has already been an asshole to you in the past. No way you deserve this, even if you dumped a shitload of piranhas on him. He’s the one who deserves to cry, he lost the best employee ever.”

“Adrian, I jammed the printer for like the sixth fucking time— I’m an idiot, it was only a matter of time—“

“What?” He reeled back from you in surprise, eyes wide but eyebrows furrowed in that specific Adrian expression that was just so him. He frowned. “Don’t say that about my favorite person.” You let out a wet, sad laugh at his comment. He pressed further, hand fumbling around the bed until it found yours. “I’m serious. You’re so smart— you made it all the way through college, you always know exactly how to fix my laptop whenever it breaks, and you always solve the Wordle ten times faster than I do. Fuck a stupid printer. I bet it was one of those old outdated ones that you can photocopy your butt on still. You are anything but an idiot. You are— fuck, you’re amazing and super hot, and smart and beautiful. You’re the total package, babe, anyone who treats you like anything less than fucking royalty is a little fuckweed dirt-brain. End of story.” He emphasized his point with roughly a dozen little kisses to the side of your face, and all you could do was sit there and absorb the rant he went on. Sure, Adrian complimented you non-stop and was always rambling, but after the whirlwind of a shitty day you were having, some direct reassurance was exactly what you needed. It pierced your heart like an arrow, directly in the middle, splitting it open and letting your feelings spread through all your insides until you filled with unbelievable warmth. Tears crawled up your sinuses yet again— this time for good reasons. You couldn’t help it when they overflowed out in the open, and you were left crying yet again in Adrian’s arms. He perked up next to you, and you could almost see the exclamation mark next to his head like a video game character being alerted of some danger. “Hey, what’d I do? What’s wrong? I’m sorry—“

“No, it’s—“ you wiped frantically at your face and finally met his eyes again. He looked back, overloaded with concern. “You’re so— I just really— I really needed to hear that is all.” You leaned forward to peck his lips, feeling them stretch into a proud smile. He turned fully sideways to face you now, a foot trailing over your calf until he hooked his ankle over yours to tangle you in him. He pressed another kiss to your temple. His nose trailed down your face, past your cheek and your jaw to bury in the space between your neck and shoulder. Tingles wormed their way up your spine and you let yourself relax into the soft buzz of affection.

“Are you sure I can’t kill him? I’m sure he’s done something illegal,” he asked again in your ear. You huffed.

“I’m sure.” You let out a chuckle when he whined dramatically and pressed his entire weight into you, effectively smushing you to lie down on the mattress with him on top. He pulled your tangled legs onto the bed and shifted behind you, arms never leaving their place around you. His breath was warm against your neck as he snuggled against you.

“What if I just beat him up? Scare him a little?” You were quiet for a moment as you considered it, ignoring the fact that maybe you weren’t such a great person for the feeling of satisfaction that settled over you at the thought of your former boss with a broken nose. “Pleeeease?”

“I wouldn’t be mad if I heard Vigilante roughed him up a little,” you finally relented. Maybe it was immoral, sure, but come on. You’re just a person, a person in love with a man who finds pleasure in murdering people who break the law. Who were you to deny the fact that maybe you were a little bit fucked up, too?

“Yesss,” his hands briefly left their hold at your waist as he punched the air in victory. “You’re the best, my beautiful, honey butter biscuit angel.” He pressed another kiss to your neck, your shoulder. “Smartest, most badass, most fucking amazing human being ever created in this universe. And you’re all mine.”

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Ayato Dark [Epilogue]

Yui: ( Huh...? When did I fall asleep...? )

Ayato: ..Nn...

*Smooch*

Nn...Aah, you finally woke up, huh?

ー Yui wakes up in the castle’s bedroom

Yui: Ayato-kun...Good morning.

Ayato: ‘Morning.

...Chichinashi. You’re really livin’ up to that name, huh?

Yui: Wha...!? Oh come on...!!

Ayato: Hehe, don’t get your panties in a knot. You can’t blame me for statin’ the truth, can you?

Yui: ( Uu...It’s frustrating how I can’t deny that. )

( But...I guess Ayato-kun feels a little better now? )

Ayato: ...

Oi, Yui.

I...

ーー I’m goin’ to kill that shitty Old Hag once more.

This time, I’ll end her life for good.

Yui: ...Ayato-kun...

( Is that his answer? )

...

( ...I guess there’s no point in me racking my brain over it. If that’s what Ayato-kun has decided, then I’ll... )

...Right, Ayato-kun.

You haven’t eaten since this morning, so should I make you something? Takoyaki, for example.

Ayato: Oh, sounds good! Yes please. Guess I’ll have no other choice but to eat a bunch.

ーー Ah, but just one thing.

*Rustle*

Ayato: You better don’t think ‘bout goin’ outside looking like that?

Yui: ...!! I-I know!!

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the living room

Yui: ( I wonder if I can make takoyaki here? While I have the chance, I’d like to cook various things for him... )

( I wonder what kind of ingredients this world has to offer? )

( There might be a bunch of other differences as well. )

( ...This is the place Ayato-kun grew up at. )

( ...I should try and get to know it better. Even the smallest of details. )

( Okay! Anyway, I’ll start by cooking up a deliciousーー )

???: Where are you going in such a rush~?

Yui: Laito-kun!

Laito: Nfu~ Exactly! The one and only!

Hmー... Say, Bitch-chan? Did you perhaps...have some ‘fun’ with Ayato-kun last night?

Yui: ...!?

Laito: Nfu~ Guess I was right judging by that reaction.

You’re making me jealous...I would have loved to join in if you had told me.

...But well...

I guess you made the right choice, staying close to him during these times.

Yui: Eh...?

Laito: Ayato-kun is the one who made the first move on her after all...As a result, I’m sure he is more shocked than anyone to see her still alive.

As for Kanato-kun and myself...How should I put this...Right...

We just can’t seem to bring ourselves to wholeheartedly hate her. It’s complicated, very much so.

We loathed her to death, and we actually did slaughter her. 

However...We still can’t quite claim to hate her from the very bottom of our hearts.

However, Ayato-kun might have been the only one who genuinely despised her. Although that’s something only he knows for sure.

Yui: I see...

Laito: ...Oh dear. I suppose I broke character there for a bit by speaking so honestly~

I’ll go get some fresh air...

ー Laito leaves

Yui: ...

( They all bear different sorts of emotions inside. )

( ...Ayato-kun said he would kill Cordelia, but... )

( Still...I wonder if that will truly make him feel better? )

( After all, when I first met Ayato-kun, he seemed to be in emotional distress as well. )

( I wonder if he’ll end up repeating that same outcome? )

( But...Even so, I don’t exactly know what to do either. )

( I... )

Reiji: ーー You are in the way.

*Rustle*

Yui: Wah!

ー Shuu and Reiji appear

Yui: ( ...! What a strange sight to see these two together... )

Reiji: ...You have this annoying habit of showing whatever you are thinking on your face.

Yui: S-Sorry...

...Anyway, why are you guys here? Did something happen?

Reiji: Wellーー

Shuu: ...Pwaah...

Reiji: Shuu! Is this truly the time to be yawning!? Good grief...How vexing!

Yui: U-Um...Excuse me...?

Reiji: Haah, good grief...

You should not be spacing out either.

I do not know how that woman has been brought back to life...However, right now this is more important.

*Flip*

Yui: This is...

Reiji: An invitation to the evening gala held by Father.

Yui: Evening gala...?

Reiji: Exactly.

Apparently he intends to invite guests from across the whole Demon World, and we have been put in charge of all preparations.

First we must start by putting together these invitations. ...Aah, so much work...!

Yui: U-Um...Shall I help out?

Reiji: Hmph. And how exactly would you do that? I suppose sealing the envelopes would be the most you can handle.

Yui: Right...

Reiji: Haah...However...Why did Father decide to hold an evening gala during the Lunar Eclipse out of all times...?

It is too dangerous, no matter how you look at it...

Shuu: ーー There must be some people he wants to lure out, no?

Yui: Eh...?

Reiji: ...Aah, I see...Those two Founder gentlemen, right?

Yui: ( Carla-san and Shin-kun... )

Reiji: Those two are most definitely an eyesore.

...However, I fail to understand why someone as powerful as Father needs to rely on an evening gala to take them out...

Shuu: ...

Yui: ( ...I don’t know what Karlheinz-san is thinking. )

( But ever since those two Founders showed up, it’s been one strange happening after the other. )

( I don’t want any more trouble to occur... )

Ayato: Heh, bring it on then...!

Yui: Ayato-kun...!

What brings you here?

Ayato: ‘Cause you were takin’ a damn eternity, duh!

...Hehe, so I listened in on the conversation.

That scarfed freak and the eyepatch dude won’t back down so easily.

I bet they’ve still got some tricks up their sleeve, don’t you think?

In that case, we should just send them an invitation or whatever and straight-up call them out.

I’ll crush them fair and square!

They better don’t think I’m gonna keep quiet after gettin’ my ass kicked!

Yui: B-But...

( What if they really do show up and it ends in a fight...? )

( Oh no, at this rate... )

Shuu: Pwaah...Well...I don’t know what their motive is, but I’m sure they’ll show up eventually either way.

In that case, making the first move might save us a lot of trouble.

Yui: ( Shuu-san too... )

Reiji: How thoughtless. What if a fight breaks loose at the gala?

Ayato: Che...! You wimp...!!

ー Ayato leaves

Yui: Ah...Ayato-kun, wait...!!

ー Yui chases after him to the garden

Yui: Haah, haah, haah...

Where is Ayato-kun...?

???: ...What are you looking at?

Yui: Kyah...

Ayato-kun...

Ayato: Why do you seem afraid still...? Che...

We’re already at the point where we’ve tried out plenty of things, no?

Yui: T-That doesn’t mattーー

*Thud*

Ayato: Say...!

Yui: ...Uu.

Ayato: What’s your answer? Huh!?

Yui: ( Ayato-kun’s extremely worked up. )

Ayato: Or have you still not had enough? In that case...Should I remind you?

Yui: ( He is frustrated by his own incapability to do something about the whole situation despite his strong desire to do so...That’s the vibe I’m getting. )

( ...But... )

( Right now, being by his side is the only support I can provide. )

( I don’t mind what happens to me, if it helps him feel better. )

( He can suck as much of my blood as he wants too. )

Yui: ...

Ayato: ...Che...!

...Ugh.

...

Aahー God!

...Listen...

I’m sorry!

Yui: Eh...?

( What did he say just now...? )

Ayato: ...Come on, you heard me...I said sorry.

Yui: ( Ayato-kun’s apologizing to me... )

You don’t need to say sorry, really...Well...It surprised me a little though.

Ayato: D-Don’t be surprised!

I...wouldn’t get upset with or hit you without a reason either, you know...

Despite what you might believe, I’ve been puttin’ a lot of thought into everythin’!

Yui: Ayato-kun...

Ayato: Also...

If I were to take my anger out on you right now...That would make me exactly like that woman.

That’s the last thing I want!

So...I’m sorry.

Yui: ( Ayato-kun’s been trying his hardest in his own way. )

...I’m sorry for getting scared as well.

But you know, Ayato-kun?

Ayato: What?

Yui: I...want to be with you, even when you’re angry.

It’s fine even if you take it out on me. I want to accept all of it.

So don’t ever force yourself to act a certain way in front of me.

After all, I will love you no matter what.

Ayato: You...

...Ugh.

...Well...You know...I’m glad to hear that.

Anyway, I’m sorry. And also...

...Thank you.

Yui: ( Ayato-kun... )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

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<- [ Dark 10 ] [ Maniac Prologue ] ->

[taexual]

Pineapples / I.M x Reader

Changkyun has had a crush on you for years but he was sort of terrible at flirting. And yet, who could have known that a debate on whether fruit belonged on pizza would finally lead to some long-overdue confessions?

pairing: best friend!Changkyun x Reader

warnings: crackhead best friends, strong language (also some unnecessary hatred for rom-coms 🙄)

words: 3.3k

REQUEST: Ohhhhhhhh what about a monsta x I.M bit whefe the reader and him get into a fight about something stupid, but both parties get upset and when she tries to leave, trips out the door and falls?

In the few years that you’ve known Changkyun, you’ve already managed to see nearly all sides of him, so there was little that could surprise you. And yet, recently, you’ve learned that surprising you seemed to be precisely what he had in mind. For the past few months, every single day, he’d do or say something that took you completely off-guard and seemed to shatter whatever beliefs you’d held about him.

You figured he was going through something, or maybe trying out something new – otherwise, why would he suddenly try to drag you to the newest rom-com in the cinemas when you knew he hated romance films as much as you did? – but you’d yet to discover his real reasons for this abrupt change in behavior.

And then, as the two of you returned to your place after catching the – predictably – disappointing film, you realized that you may never get to the bottom of his new personality because you simply couldn’t go on being friends after he ordered two Hawaiian pizzas without asking for your opinion first.

“You’re trying to kill me,” you told him, picking up the delivery menu to have a look at it for yourself. “I swear. It’s like you’re purposefully making me suffer tonight.”

“Suffer?” he repeated, genuinely in disbelief. “Pineapples are great. They—”

“Well, yeah, but they don’t belong on pizza.”

“W-what? Why not?” Changkyun asked because he could specifically remember you drunkenly calling him one night and confessing your love for pineapples. “I thought you liked them.”

“No, I do. It’s a great fruit,” you said and then gave him a how-could-you-not-get-this-it’s-so-obvious type of look. “But it’s a fruit.”

“So?” he retorted. “Tomato is a fruit.”

You could distinctly recall having had this conversation with someone else before and just the memory was almost enough to make you shudder – why would anyone ever defend pineapple pizza? – as you gave your best friend a suspicious once-over.

“You’ve been acting weird lately,” you finally said. “I thought you were just going through something, so I didn’t say anything. But now you look like you’re honestly about to force-feed me pineapple pizza, so I know something must have possessed you.”

Changkyun was positively shaking now. He had a hard time believing that the actions he’d perceived as a subtle form of seduction were, really, making him come off as weird and even possessed.

Thanks, Jooheon. He was never going to ask for his advice ever again.

“Okay, that makes no sense,” he said defensively. “I’m not going through anything. I’m just—I don’t know, I thought you’d like pineapples on pizza. It would make sense since you like those two separately.”

“I also like French fries and Nutella,” you said pointedly. “Doesn’t mean I’d eat them together.”

He didn’t look disgusted by the thought of it at all. “Well, actually—”

You were already groaning as soon as he opened his mouth. “Shit, Kyun! Seriously, what’s happened to you?”

“Nothing!” he countered, his voice matching your exasperation because, oh, God, why did he have to try so hard to show you what an ideal boyfriend he’d make? He should’ve known it would never work. “I just—I was trying to broaden your perspective on life.”

“I’m pretty sure you just hate me.”

“Hate you?” he repeated in a voice far too high-pitched to sound normal. Clearing his throat, he continued in a normal tone, “I don’t hate you. Why would I—?”

The doorbell rang then, cutting him off. You glanced towards the hallway, a pout forming on your lips as you realized it must have been the pizza delivery.

“You better get the door,” you told him. “Since it looks like I’ll be starving tonight.”

“Oh, come on,” Changkyun said, not giving up. “You’ve never even tried it before. How can you oppose something so strongly without having experienced it first?”

“I’ve never been punched in the face,” you retorted, “but I still know it would suck if I did.”

“Pizza,” he said, extending one hand, “face punching,” he added, extending another. “Two very different things.”

“And yet pineapple on pizza sucks more.”

“Why don’t you just try it?”

“Why don’t you just punch me in the face instead?”

He threw his head back against the back of the couch, closing his eyes in defeat. “God, you make it really hard for me sometimes.”

“Hard? I’m not the one who ordered—” the doorbell rang again. You groaned. “Just get the door, please!”

“Why would I get the door?” Changkyun opened his eyes, giving you a frustrated look. “It’s your house!”

“You’re the one who ordered that abomination!” you argued.

He was losing his patience and he could no longer control his sarcasm as he purposefully teased, “that’s not a very nice way to refer to the delivery guy.”

“I’m not—you know very well I mean the thing you call pizza.”

“Don’t be so difficult,” he said.

“Get the door,” you shot back.

He had his conditions. “Are you going to try it?”

“Of course not!” you replied with no hesitation, protesting like a very proud baby. “It’s disgusting.”

Changkyun scoffed because he was a baby, too. “Then I’m not—”

Another ring of the doorbell. More intense this time.

“God. Coming!” you called out, standing up from the couch and giving your best friend a hard look. “I don’t know what the hell you’ve been trying to do lately but, clearly,  you’re succeeding. I’m losing all my respect for you.”

That seemed to be the last straw. He didn’t expect to react this intensely to this one statement – you’ve already threatened him with loss of respect countless of times before but it was always over the most trivial things; granted, you thought this was another one of such things, too – and yet he couldn’t hold himself back.

“Why? Because I’m trying really hard to do the things that you are supposed to enjoy?” he demanded, words spilling out automatically. “Because I’ve literally asked all of my friends for advice on what girls even like?”

Confused, you looked at him over your shoulder. “What—”

“Or is it because I have read every single magazine article, describing the things that makes a guy the perfect boyfriend?” Changkyun continued, standing up now. He sounded aggressive. Eager. “You’re losing your respect for me because I’m trying too hard, yeah? Because you think something’s gotten into me? Well, I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to be doing for you to understand that I’m just fucking in love with y—shit, watch out for the—!”

It was nice of him to warn you in the middle of his rant but it was too late.

The sudden confession that passed your best friend’s lips was exactly what made you completely forget the layout of your own house and smack your shoulder right into the wall next to the doorway as you were walking through it.

You hit it with such vehemence that the force made you stumble backwards in surprise. Before you knew it, you were losing your balance and there was nothing for you to grab on to.

You’d have fallen – really, truly tumbled down in the most embarrassing of ways – but Changkyun, despite having made some questionable decisions lately, proved to still have a very rational mind. He leaped forwards, pushing his body against yours so your back hit his chest and then wrapping his arms around your waist before you could slide down onto the floor.

“Shit,” you exhaled, your mind a mess and your heart a competitive runner in the Olympics. “I-I—”

“You okay?” Changkyun asked, feeling every single beat of your heart against his own chest and dying a little each time. “Does your shoulder hurt?”

You laughed awkwardly.

“N-not as much as my pride,” you replied. Blinking your eyes, you pushed yourself off of him – and almost stumbled right back into him again because he took a moment too long to release his grip on your waist – and brought your hand through your hair. “The pizza. I’ll go get the—where’s my wallet? It was in my bag. And my bag is—”

You were looking around your hallway frantically, completely disoriented and beyond confused.

“I’ll get the door,” Changkyun said, noticing your distress and, contrary to what one might expect from someone who’d just confessed to a year-long crush, behaving completely calmly. “You go find an ice patch for your arm.”

“No, it’s fine, I—” you tried to protest but he gently pushed past you and finally opened the door to face a very frustrated delivery boy. The poor guy must have been waiting for at least ten minutes.

Changkyun apologized politely, gave him a generous tip, and then took the boxes of pizza inside while you watched, still completely out of it.

He made no attempts to return to your previous conversation, let alone to repeat his confession, so the two of you remained in silence for a good while, your shoulders and hips pressed against each other when you returned to your side-by-side spots on your couch.

He opened the pizza boxes, took out a slice, and tried it. After considering the taste for a moment, he shrugged to himself and passed one of the slices to you.

In your defense, you were far too overwhelmed with emotion – and pain, as your shoulder began to throb – to even begin to understand why you didn’t protest.

You took the slice of pizza from him.

Hell, you were so far beyond yourself, that you even took a bite.

And, God forgive, it didn’t taste awful at all.

It was an unusual sensation, sure, but it wasn’t as horrible as you’d imagined it to be. You even found yourself taking another bite, the foreign sweet-and-sour taste lighting your senses up.

Changkyun watched you experiment with different speeds of chewing – and he couldn’t help but smirk because he knew that if you hadn’t liked the taste, you wouldn’t have hesitated to spit it out – but he didn’t say anything, gloating in silence.

“Okay,” you finally dared to say when the two of you were already halfway done with one of the pizzas. “Can I say something?”

Suddenly, the memory of his confession right before you walked into a wall stabbed at his mind and he stopped chewing to clear his throat in hopes of covering up his flustered state. He tried to play it all off, however, not wanting to get ahead of himself.

“Of course,” he said.

“But promise not to tell anyone, okay?” you asked.

He would start hyperventilating any second now, he could feel it. “Okay.”

You took a deep breath, the next words extremely difficult – almost impossible, really – to say. “Pineapple on pizza isn’t actually that bad.”

Changkyun watched you for a moment after your confession. He noticed how broken up you looked – almost like you were abandoning every belief you’d held by admitting this – but, clearly, that wasn’t what he’d expected to hear from you and he didn’t quite know how to respond.

“C-can I say something else?” you asked then, replying to his silence.

“Yeah,” he spoke slowly, already waiting for you to admit that you were going to give French fries and Nutella a try next.

These next words seemed to come a lot easier for you. “I think I’m in love with you, too.”

You’d thought about your feelings for him before – even dreamed about this – but you never imagined saying these words out loud. Clearly, Changkyun had never imagined hearing you say this, either.

“Y-you—wait,” he turned to you, reading your face with eyes that were suddenly desperate. He needed clarification or he was going to scream. “You think?”

You looked away, breaking the eye contact. “You’re making me eat pineapple on pizza. I’m not too sure of my feelings right now.”

Changkyun could not believe you were still on that. “You just said you liked it!”

“I said it wasn’t that bad!” you protested.

“That’s the same thing!”

“No, it’s not,” you refused to agree. “What would you do if I told you I thought you weren’t that bad?”

“Honestly?” he almost laughed at the absurdity of your question. “Leap out of that window in joy.”

You didn’t understand. “What—”

“Because I’ve had feelings for you for so long now, any compliment you’ve ever given me has added five years to my life,” he explained with a face so straight and completely void of any doubt that you could almost feel your entire body shut down.

“It’s—no, okay, don’t—that was very unnecessary,” you stuttered.

Speaking was a challenge all of a sudden. Even breathing seemed to be nearly impossible but the stinging of your lungs was the least of your problems. It was your heart you were worried about. You hadn’t prepared for it to start beating so hard tonight.

You’d have never guessed that the reason why Changkyun was acting as if he’s been replaced by some extraterrestrial entities, was because he was, actually, looking for ways to deal with his feelings for you. Looking for ways to make those feelings obvious.

Because it’s been so long. He’s had feelings for you for so long.

Your heart was definitely not going to get through tonight.

“I meant it,” Changkyun added after a moment, his gaze lingering on the floor of the room. “It’s been a while.”

Inhaling deeply – you thought that relieving your lungs from the pain caused by a lack of oxygen would make it easier for you to keep talking about this – you tried to ask, “w-why didn’t you say anything before? Why do all of this—”

“I wanted to prove to you that I’d make a good boyfriend,” he said simply and you swore you’ve never seen him this shy before in your whole life, “much better than just a best friend.”

“You’re, uh—” you started to say but then realized that confessing your love had somehow come easier than admitting how much you valued your friendship with him, “you’re a pretty great best friend.”

He gave you a look – but he was smiling now because how could he not smile? – and wiped his hands on his dark blue jeans. “I’d say I’m a pretty phenomenal best friend, but who’s asking.”

Huh.

Just like that, his initial shyness disappeared.

He was most certainly something else and he was going to be the death of you.

“Right, sure,” you scoffed, returning to banter now that he seemed to have gone back to his old self. “A phenomenal best friend would have known that taking me to see romantic films in the cinema is of no use.”

Changkyun greeted your jab with dignity. “Yeah. I fully blame Jooheon for that one. He obviously didn’t know what he was talking about and I-I just went with it. I should have known you wouldn’t like that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me how you felt?” you asked, only glancing at him now that he’d lifted his gaze because you were afraid you’d lose all control of yourself if your eyes met. “I thought we had no secrets between us.”

“We don’t,” he confirmed and then exhaled slowly, this vulnerable admission relieving a heavy weight from his chest, “I just… I didn’t want to be rejected.”

“You may be an exceptional best friend—stop smirking every time I say that—but you’re pretty clueless as a guy,” you told him.

He was laughing, unafraid to show how much he cherished every positive thing you said about him, but he stopped as soon as you finished speaking. “Wait. Why?”

Finally, you looked at him. Really looked at him, allowing your eyes to meet and stay locked on each other for much longer than just a second.

“I’ve liked you, too, Kyun,” you said and it was like he’s been dead this whole time and you’d just brought him to life. “For as long as I can remember.”

He couldn’t believe all this time you’d wasted as he countered, quoting you, “why didn’t you tell me anything, then?”

You looked down again, realizing the hypocrisy of your question now. “I didn’t think you felt the same way.”

And that was it. The sole reason why it took you both so long to act on your feelings.

It was fear. Doubt. Pride.

You had too much pride to allow yourself to open up and reveal what was behind those walls you’d put up even for your closest friends. And, were it not for an argument blown so far out of proportion, you couldn’t even remember what started it anymore, this pride would have absolutely suffocated you both, and you’d have died, never knowing that just one second of vulnerability could have resulted in hours—years, even—of happiness.

“Can I ask you something?” Changkyun spoke up, breaking the tense silence of the room. “It’s actually something that I’ve wanted to ask you since I first saw you.”

“Yeah, of course,” you agreed, not even considering it. You’d already confessed to all the deepest feelings you’d kept hidden inside, so there wasn’t much left that you couldn’t reveal now.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, his eyes burning so brightly, you were nearly blinded when you looked at him.

“Oh,” you swallowed, your stomach exploding into swarms of energetic butterflies. “T-that’s what you’ve wanted to ask me?”

He nodded, sheepish again.

“Yes,” you said, barely managing to restrain yourself when he lowered his eyes to your lips. “Please.”

It had taken you years to admit your feelings to each other, but it only took Changkyun half a second to take your breath away as he pressed his lips to yours.

It was a gentle kiss, tentative even. He only pulled away from it for another half a second before looking at you – and getting the permission he needed from your eyes – and kissing you again, harder this time as his hands came to rest on both sides of your face. 

His tongue brushed over your lower lip – slowly and hesitantly – but when you leaned into him, slightly parting your lips, he finally deepened the kiss, tilting his head to create a better rhythm of your mouths as they moved against each other.

His taste and the warmth of having him so close was enough to overwhelm you and you thought you’d turn into a mere puddle if he didn’t pull away, so you wrapped your hands around his neck for support and ended up bringing your body closer to his. Naturally, Changkyun responded by sighing into the kiss, his hands sliding down to your shoulders, then down your ribs, until they landed on your waist and both of your hearts were suddenly on fire.

You thought you couldn’t breathe as you kissed him, but then you felt him hold onto you tighter – as if you’d pull away if he let go – and it was like his touch provided you with the oxygen you needed.

You weren’t losing yourself in him, not at all.

You were already beyond lost.

“You taste like pineapples,” you told him quietly when you pulled away after a minute, your hands still around his neck.

Changkyun gave you a questionable look, panting as he tried to recover from the effect your kisses had on him. “I thought you liked them.”

“I don’t,” you replied, leaning in to press another soft kiss to his lips and then saying the words he’d been waiting to hear, “I love them.”

masterlist / ask (requests are closed)

[chibinekochan]

Angel in Hell Season 2 part 2

 part 1  I

  Gen. reader insert.

Words - 1.9k

Taglist:

@gothjuulpod  ; @purgatoryhall ; @sibit360  ; @a-personnamed-ace ;  @romy350-romyakari

  I will address the previous Human Mc as Mc. I just want to avoid confusion. I hope everyone is okay with this.

  I also have a warning for whatever Satan is doing. In case that you are sensitive to abusive behavior, this might be a trigger. So just skip everything that happens in his room.

I added a * when it ends.

  -------------------------

Both of you leave  Mammon's room. 

You go to Satan's room. There are books even on his bed. It looks like he is researching something. 

"Do you want some tea?" Satan makes some space for you on a chair. 

"That sounds good." You sit down and see some notes on the table. 

One catches your eye. You glance at the title: Regaining lost memories. 

You read the words with disbelief. 

Lucifer mentioned ways for you to regain your past life's memories, but you haven't thought about it at all. 

  Satan recognizes the note and looks troubled. "You see, I have been looking into this for quite a while now. I admit I have not yet found a way to make you remember just yet, but I'm certain I will be able to do it. I know an extremely powerful magician. He might be capable of helping me too." Satan has obviously invested much time on this. Many nights in the library, many hours searching for books. Obtaining many rare and forbidden books. 

"I can understand why you would want me to recall my previous life, but it's not that easy." You fold your hands and twist them. You aren't sure if you would want that. It seems very frightening to you. 

"I know it's not easy, but I will find a way. Just recently I acquired a book with the help of Lucifer. I feel like this will be a break, though. I mean it would be so great if you could get healed and could remember anything." Satan smiles at you. It's unsettling. Everything about this seems so wrong. 

Your whole body is revolting against this. "Healing me? What are you even saying?"

Satan crooks his head, he is puzzled. 

"You have amnesia, so it's only natural you require healing." Satan's face seems warped. 

You slam your hands on the table, unsure why you even feel so uneasy or upset. 

"I don't have amnesia. I was reborn as an angel." 

Satan doesn't seem to comprehend. "Of course you are an angel. Your memories were erased when you became an angel. I merely want to get your human memories back for you." 

"That is completely different from amnesia. MC DIED! I'M NOT MC!" You feel such frustration. You feel tears of anger welling up in you. 

Satan seems genuinely surprised. "You don't know what you're talking about. They brainwashed you. They took everything from you."

You can't believe the words that escape Satan's mouth. Your mouth stands wide open. "That is nonsense, the angels gave my soul a new life as an angel. I'm not the same person." You don't know what to say to convince Satan.

  Your words simply don't reach him. 

Satan crocks his head. "I know you must be confused. They undoubtedly have done such terrible things to you, but your return to me is all the proof I need. I can bring you back." Satan sounds delusional. 

You experience a sense of dread and stand up from the chair. When did he become like this?

"I should leave now." You slowly back away from Satan. 

"Please MC you have to understand me. I want nothing but the best for you." Satan has lost it. It's equally tragic and scary. 

You slowly take a few more steps backward. "I'm just very tired. I need rest." You look for a good excuse. 

  Was he always like this? No, he wasn't, your gut tells you that. Something inside him is broken. 

Satan takes a step towards you. You hold your breath. You feel genuinely intimidated. 

What will he do? 

Satan casually grabs a note from the table. "You should read this. I'm certain everything will make sense once you read this." He seems to be convinced at least. 

You grab the paper by shaking hands. "Yeah, I will…" You carefully and slowly step away from him. 

"Get some rest now, MC," Satan murmurs the name but you still hear it. 

You give him a fake and stiff smile and leave his room. 

*

  This was very intense. 

You almost run back to your room, shaking. How far is Satan gone? 

You feel like vomiting. 

Then you run into something tall and warm. You look up and it's Beel.

  "Oh, umm sorry Beel."

Beel smiles. "It happens are you in a rush?" Then he sees you are genuinely distressed. "What happened to you?" 

 "Well, Satan he is…" You are shaking, you aren't certain if you should tell Beel.

Beel's face stiffens, "What did he do to you?" 

"Nothing really… he-he just…" Suddenly you feel tears on your cheeks. You aren't sure if you can even truly blame Satan for wanting you to remember, but he was just so unsettling. 

"He wants you to remember about your previous life right?" Beel apparently knows. He shakes his head. "I'm sorry about Satan. He saw them die… It was the hardest on him. Come with me to my room. Belphie is also there and you are safe there. You can call Simeon."  Beel is concerned for you. 

You aren't certain, your relationship with Belphie is complicated. 

"It's okay, Belphie is just upset that they sent you here. It has nothing to do with you as a person. He just didn't think he would ever see this body again. Should I say 'this body'? Sorry, I can't quite understand this." Beel seems very conflicted about this at all, but he looks out for you, and that alone means so much to you right now. 

"I don't get it either, this whole rebirth thing is still new to me too." You let out a heavy breath. 

"We will eventually understand it. I hope so at least." Beel tries at least. 

Somehow he convinces you to go with him. 

Belphie really is in the room, on the bed. He isn't sleeping. "Welcome back Beel… and welcome to you too…" He awkwardly greets you. 

"Be nice, Belphie. They already have a hard time." Beel sternly tells Belphie off. 

"I'm not a bully. I don't strike people that are on the ground." Belphie seems offended. 

Their normal banter somehow causes you a feeling of relief. "Come sit down. Here, have some chocolate." Belphie awkwardly gets some chocolate out and hands it to you. 

You sit down and silently eat the chocolate. Your tears have dried up at this point. 

"Did anything happen?" Belphie is curious. 

Beel looks at you, ready to explain it for you. 

"Satan wants me to remember my previous life. That alone is not the issue, but he was just so… I can't really describe it…" You cast your eyes down. 

"He is unhinged. I mean he works with Lucifer. I can understand where he is coming from, but that should be your decision, not ours." Belphie is extremely frustrated. 

Beel places a cup of hot chocolate in front of you. "He is right, we all need to accept you are different now. Even when it's difficult. No matter what we feel. It's your life, and it's not as easy as Satan thinks it is." Beel says this very firmly. 

"This is exactly why I didn't want any of this. You look like your previous incarnation. It just makes this all such a mess." Belphie sighs. 

"Is that why you were so rude to me?" Suddenly it makes sense to you. 

"I wouldn't say rude, I'd call it distant." Belphie looks away, probably pouting. 

"Belphie, you were definitely disrespectful. It's not their fault. The angels messed this up. You need to give them a fair chance. Even if you don't like angels." Beel shakes his head. 

You can tell he cares about you, regardless of his feelings. 

"Easier said than done." Belphie huffs. 

"First you should apologize to them. Just have a fresh start now where you don't have to lie any more it should be easier." Beel pushes Belphie just a little. 

It's pretty impressive. 

"Fine. I'm very sorry about being mean. I will be kinder." Belphie sounds a bit reluctant but you take it anyway. 

"Thank you, Belphie, this means a lot to me." You give him a slight smile and take a sip of the hot chocolate. 

"I will keep an eye on Satan, but you might want to stay with Simeon." Beel finds it difficult to admit this. His words genuinely touch you. He cares so much about his brothers, and yet he tells you to stay away from them. 

"I hate admitting it, but Satan has lost it from grief. Levi was behaving shiftily, and I don't trust Lucifer anyway." Belphie sways his head. He seems very drained of this. 

"We all have a hard time, but it's also very hard for you. We need to be better than this. This is what MC would have wanted." Beel has a pained expression. 

"They must've been so special to all of you. I'm so sorry I caused you all of this grief. I probably should just go back to heaven." You feel extremely guilty. 

"Don't say that. You would lose all of your memories from the devildom. That would be very sad, and I know MC would be happy to see you are such a good angel." Beel has a gentle smile. 

Hearing this means so much to you, it's hard to put into words. “You're right. I have much to think about.” 

Beel nods. “I'm here for you whenever you need me.” “I will try to be nice.” Belphie seems just a tad reluctant, but you can't fault him.

“Thank you both.” You feel good about having Beel in your corner, and at least Belphie seems to accept you are your own person. 

"I will call Simeon now. Can I stay here until he picks me up?" You get your phone from your pocket. 

"Naturally, you can stay here for as long as you want. Right, Belphie." Beel shoots Belphie a glance.

Belphie just shrugs. "Sure, you can even borrow my bed." 

"That is very kind of you." It genuinely is a kind offer. This seems to get to Belphie. He shifts in his seat. "No problem." He says meekly.

  You smile at this and call Simeon. 

He picks up right away. "How are you? Is everything all right?" Simeon seems worried. 

"It's kinda hard to explain over the phone but would it be possible for me to stay in your room?" You bite your lips. 

"Absolutely, where are you? Are you safe right now?" Simeon agrees without hesitation. 

"I'm safe, and am in Beel and Belphie's room right now." You feel immense relief. 

"Stay where you are. I will come to get you." Simeon has mixed emotions, you can tell as much.

  The call ends.

  Beel looks at you. "Will he come?" 

"Yes, he told me to wait here."

Beel almost seems a bit sad but swiftly recovers. "That's great."

Belphie meanwhile returns to sleep.

  —-------------

The fact that Satan casually works with Lucifer alone is a massive red flag. Alongside the ocean of red flags that Satan is drowning in. 

[ifeveristoday]

I got out my DVDs for this rewatch (that’s not actually a big deal. I only have season 3 on DVD. 😂) so let’s get to it.

I forgot they did a cold open for this episode!

I know it’s for ambiance but man does Angel have a lot of candles displayed. Probably too ‘mainstream’ for his taste but the thought of Angel furtively going to a Bath and Bodyworks in the mall during their semi-annual sale and just buying out their whole candle selection gives me the purest joy. Let’s be real though, Angel would shop at some boutique/hole in the wall owned by a wizened old character with a twinkle in their eye and everything marked up 20%. Or it would be a steel and glass monstrosity with a collection labeled Candles for Men. That’s the range.

Back to the enormous fire hazard that this scene is -

Wait. Does fire burn on stone?

Shout out to the stunt doubles.

I think that Angel getting food for Buffy for a sort of alfresco picnic while training is really sweet, actually. Also, can't miss the opportunity for both carbs and phallic symbolism ala bread.

Everyone is so embarrassingly horny in this moment. I'd say get a room except they're in a whole giant mansion.

Always remember the bread! What did Angel do with the food after Buffy fled? Fed the no-doubt cursed pigeons that live in Sunnydale.

Thanks for the workout (insert stereotypical dirty laugh).

Oh yes, the awkward 'let's talk about your birthday without mentioning the last birthday you had at all because it's horrifying' chitchat. God, the anxiety Angel is radiating here and Buffy trying to smooth it over. You can't unfrost that trauma cake!

Angel, you utter dork. You're lucky Buffy finds you pretty. Very powerful himbo energy here. And it's nice to see some light-hearted flirting/banter between them.

How do you know when someone's aura's dirty? Buffy is only asking the reasonable questions everyone has.

Do you hear yourself, Giles. "I'm aware of your distaste in studying vibratory stones..." I can't imagine what that section of the Slayer handbook looks like. Are there pull-out charts?

Faith being conveniently gone for this episode. Boo, hiss.

That workout really did a number on Buffy. I see what you're doing with those crystals.

One of the sad parts of rewatching Buffy is that you just don't have the first time discovery feels of watching it - that magic is gone, but even though I know why Buffy's wobbling in her fight, the reveal is still upsetting. Thinking about how in Season 5, when she does get staked, just as she's questioning her powers - and here, where she's losing them.

Also, obvious observation is obvious - the sexual violence imagery is really, really blatant here - with the vampire crouched over her with the stake aimed toward her heart, just as she playfully staked Angel earlier in a more romantically set scene.

AND THEN THE THEME KICKS IN. Like, damn! Three minutes and you can pretty much tell what the plot is going to be - Buffy and Angel's UST is getting out of hand, Buffy's lone Rangering it, and something is wrong with her. And it's her birthday.

And Buffy's resourcefulness saves the day.

Perhaps you shouldn't be throwing knives in the library, Buffy.

Did they do a geography lesson on Cuernavaca? It's also just fun to say. Like La Cienega. Brief moment to ponder yet again about a show set in Southern California, actually shot in Southern California, with the huge Latine population we have and the Spanish-influenced names and culture and - getting sidetracked by all this casual 90s racism.

"We do it every year for my birthday," except your seventeenth, presumably because of the murderous ex-boyfriend stalking the town you live in and all your loved ones. [Or, he did take her and it was not shown on screen!] Sometimes I wonder if the continuity editors just go, you know, I'm going to let this one go for the 'emotion' and not just so years later, a Virgo with a deep-seated need to obsess over throwaway details will go into a thought spiral to make it make sense.

I think this is also the last time Hank Summers was spoken of with any real affection because then he was Deadbeat Dad for the remainder of the show. Oh, look. The Scoobies are surprised about the traditional birthday ice show that I'm going to nitpick about forever.

Oz is so supportive, and then the clunker of a 'deep' line of ice being cool because it's water then it's not. I do like the Whedonesque school of dialogue, but sometimes you gotta reel it back. I remember the dialogue on Dawson's Creek was getting pinged for the teenagers talking like grad students.

Quiet reflection. Oh you poor girl, you have no idea.

Quarterly projections - is a convincing filler phrase for when you don't need to know what the job is, because it's boring but sounds vaguely official. What does Hank actually do? Who cares! He's an asshole.

Sunnydale Arms, because of course, Sunnydale has a broken down abandoned murder hotel.

Quentin Travers. Boo. Hiss.

The scary music is very scary. Also one of the Council flunkies looks like a very young Vincent D'Onofrio.

This scene with them in the library is so bittersweet because Buffy is fishing for Giles's attention as a father figure substitute ("very sophisticated people go!" breaks my heart) and he pointedly is rejecting this for training talk.

Look for the flaw at its center. THE FLAW IS YOU GILES. YOU YOU YOU.

it's just so terrible, this scene because of how methodical and clinical it plays out. And Buffy is just not there, and then Giles smiles like nothing has happened.

Buffy makes it through another night - next day (another reason why this trial is so horrifying is that it takes place over several days - it's not on Buffy's birthday but leading up to it, so the idea of her getting weaker and weaker and unable to fight to make it to 18 in the first place) and it's time for the Cordelia has had enough of toxic masculinity scene!

Also, Willow blithely ignoring a person's feelings and treating Amy as just a rat is played for laughs and cuteness, but yeah...you can't treat people like puppets or rats [law and order sound]

I love Cordelia's coat. And also, while it does suck that she stood him up, he's not entitled to her time or attention and certainly not to threaten her. Go, Cordy! Fight like a girl! Yes! Pummel him into the hallway.

I also love Willow's outfit here because I think the colors are so complementary and warm and it's a cute outfit. Okay, the knit wooly hat is a bit too Blossom-esque, but whatever.

Buffy is tiny, we all know this, but I do think they purposefully dressed her in larger than her size coats in this episode to make her look even more tiny and vulnerable.

Giles is TOO BLASE for this scene also shut your mouth about throwing knives like a girl

"It's an archaic exercise in cruelty." SO WHY DID YOU GO ALONG WITH IT, BRAIN TRUST. (I am going to be very mean to Giles this whole rewatch, deal with it.)

"But I'm the one in the thick of it." No, you're not. You are going to be adjacent to it, at best.

Hey it's that guy!

Okay, in better lighting, flunkie does not look like Vincent D'Onofrio.

It's impossible to pin down one type of Vampire in the Whedonverse, except for the delineation between Grunt Bait Vampires, and Special Guest Star/Master vampires, but Kralik is the only other example of a vampire with mental illness besides Drusilla, yet he's medicated. Makes me wonder how exactly they got Kralik...he was a monster before he was a vampire, but who vamped him? I don't put it past the Watchers to have vampires created for this purpose.

Curse against lawyers!

Xander and Oz bonding over comic books is so fun. I regret they didn't really get closer until after Xander and Willow cheated because Oz was the one male friend Xander had.

They mentioned her birthday! Thinking about Buffy's love of poetry later on, this is a nice little detail, and it *is* a thoughtful, sweet gift. Also those poems: horny. Oh yes, maybe in a restrained way, but Elizabeth Barrett Browning knew what was up.

The Buffy and Angel relationship in season three is full of these starts and stops that I can see why and agree with others about how it's frustrating on a number of levels. They know why they can't be together, but they still try to find a common ground because they want to need the other one. They still have their identities to figure out - Buffy as the slayer and a young adult, Angel as a person, separate from Buffy and being Buffy's ex sort of maybe.

But this conversation in Helpless is genuinely sweet and a glimpse at what a normal couple at the crossroads would talk about - I think I'm also being soft on this because the other Important Male Figure in Buffy's life in this episode lets her down so spectacularly bad, that Angel being supportive and kind in his awkward way is a nice respite. It's good to be away from the angst and the horror that their relationship has had.

And the self-aware puncturing of the Moment between them is something Buffy does very well. "Taken literally, incredibly gross - I was just thinking that too". Look, it's cute and soft and I will allow it.

The horror of this episode (and there are so many) is that we have to watch Buffy become the helpless blonde in a slasher flick who is being chased by the monsters and she can't do anything about it - that she has to be rescued or die. That the real world with men catcalling and bystanders who ignore women's cries of distress is far scarier than the literal demons that inhabit the town - and Buffy brokenly saying she can't just be a person, she can't be helpless like that [like women are, still, today] is a gut punch. It's uncomfortable and unhappy because Buffy is supposed to be the hero, the [sigh] strong female lead who can kick ass and take names, and this episode is all about finding who Buffy is, separate from her super powers. Also an exercise in emotional torture, but must be Tuesday.

The physicality - the weakness that both Buffy and Giles display in this scene is so, so good. The way Buffy's hand trembles toward the needle in the case and the dawning realization of what Giles has done, has chosen to do - and he bloodlessly tells her what the Cruciamentum is.

Her tiny little "Liar."

GOD WHY DIDN'T SHE GET AN EMMY (rhetorical we all know genre tv only matters if it was Game of Rapey Thrones)

"You will be safe now, I promise you." LIAR.

Another puncturing a heavy moment - Cordelia as cavalry - I love it. Cordelia taking the most obvious approach to the situation - 'oh Buffy might have lost her memory, well he's Giles,'

I can't believe they robbed us of a conversation in the car scene with Cordy and Buffy.

Kralik had to have found a polaroid camera and a metallic sharpie for this whole scenario -- OH I KNOW WHO HE REMINDS ME OF. The Night Stalker and any number of serial killers that terrorized SoCal. Is the show being self-aware of the problem with mothers and parents in general?

Probably a glib accident.

I don't have much to say about the part where Buffy hunts Kralik because it's so masterfully done with the atmosphere and music.

Nice of Giles's backbone to enter the chat now.

This is not business. Ooo.

Buffy's "I thought I killed a man" emo overalls!

Like it's shadowy, but there's still enough light to see facial expressions. Lighting guy, I salute you.

Little red riding hood metaphor. Oh, that's so her stunt double.

CREEPY SEXUAL VIOLENCE REARS ITS DEFORMED HEAD AGAIN

Jump stair scare. I remember the first time I saw it, I jolted in the living room.

Serial Killer Shit. Why are vampires such drama queens?

THAT'S RIGHT, BUFFY DID THAT

The ending scene in the library is cathartic in that Buffy gets to stand up for herself finally, and recognizes what Giles gives up by helping her, delayed as it was, also there's the feeling of hate punching Quentin Travers via your eyes.

Still don't think she should have forgiven Giles so easily, but we don't get to see a lot of aftercare for Buffy when she gets hurt, and it is a very tender scene.

The Scoobies are being way too upbeat if they knew about the fact that Giles poisoned Buffy, which is why I'm assuming she told a very abbreviated version of events ending with Buffy killed the bad guy and Giles got fired, oops.

Xander's big strong man comment and then looking immediately to Willow to open the jar and not Oz...

I could watch this episode again with episode commentary from David Fury, but another day.

[freddiesaysalright]

Part of Your World - Chapter 5

Ben!Prince Eric x Mermaid!Reader

Summary: Prince Ben is trying to escape an arranged marriage. A young mermaid wants to escape the sea. Their paths cross and they may just be what the other is looking for.

Word Count: 5.5k

Tag List: @psychosupernatural​, @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @the-moving-finger-writes​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @rose-writes-prose​, @queenlover05​, @26-7-49​, @drowsebaby, @im-an-adult-ish​, @queen-paladin​, @rogerina-owns-me, @mirkwoodshewolf​, @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​, @radiob-l-a-hblah​, @xviiarez​, @butlegendsneverdie​, @sunflower-ben​, @godblessthisgardenpigeon​, @okilover02​, @xhaliemax​ if you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: Y’all ready to see a classic fanfic trope? I know we love it ;) Also, I’m sorry this update took for fucking ever I’m just horrible at time management

Warning(s): None :)

Moodboard

Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4

Chapter 5 here we go!!!

The next morning, you woke to find Ben missing from his hammock. You rolled out of yours, careful to land on your feet, and then headed upstairs to the deck. The morning was misty and chilly. You shivered and hunched your shoulders as you pressed on. You found him at the bow, looking out over water, clouded by fog. His expression was hard. Distressed. You placed a hand on his shoulder to alert him to your presence. You felt his muscles relax beneath your touch as he turned to face you.

“Good morning,” he said shortly.

Is it? You questioned.

He shook his head. “No...no, I suppose it isn’t.”

Talk to me, you insisted. Why are you so upset by this?

“Because,” he said. “A king is supposed to protect his people. To run his kingdom with knowledge and care. Until I joined Behati, I didn’t know anything that was going on. I feel...stupid. And completely unprepared for the next step in my life.”

Well, you know now, you said, trying to be encouraging. Maybe now when you do get home, you can explain what you’ve seen to your father and work together to fix it.

“That’s another thing that’s bothering me,” he said. “I don’t like to think my father knows about this and is ignoring it, but what if that is the case? What if he isn’t ignorant and he just doesn’t care? What do I do then?”

I can’t say for sure, since I don’t know him, you signed. But if he's anything like you, then there is no way this information wouldn’t affect him. Look at how your heart is hurting for your people. If your father has half your heart, it will shock him, and he will do everything he can to correct it.

A hint of a smile passed over his lips.

“I hope so,” he said. “But who knows when I’ll be able to get back to him?”

You aren’t Behati’s prisoner, you reminded him. I’m sure she’d take you back home if that’s what you wanted.

He shook his head again. “No, not really. She’s so close now to finding Sycoria. And I’m not ready for this adventure to end yet. Crazy as it’s been, and as much danger as I’ve encountered, I’ve never had so much fun.”

You raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

“It seems completely mental, I know,” he chuckled. “But...before, I was looking at the life that was being handed to me. It was soft and comfortable in the palace. With a pretty wife who would take my word second only to God’s, and give me heirs. I’d do the same things every day, with the same people, without any idea of what goes on beyond the palace walls. It was frightening. Running away from that - especially the marriage - was the best decision I’ve ever made.”

You don’t want to get married? You wondered, a little dejected.

“I do someday,” he said. “But right now it just felt like a way to trap me and keep me right where I was. I barely even had a taste of freedom.”

Believe me, that I understand, you signed.

“Controlling parents?” he asked.

You nodded. A controlling father, mostly. My mother died when I was little.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “What happened to her?”

Pirates, you told him, because you couldn’t say “humans.” 

Ben heaved a sigh. The wind blew and you shuddered. 

“Cold?” he asked.

You nodded, hugging yourself. He offered a gentle smile as he shrugged off his coat and draped it over your shoulders. You smiled gratefully at him. Then, he did something you did not expect. He pulled you into his arms and held you there. Your soft gasp was lost in his shirt as you rested your forehead against his chest. His embrace was warm and comfortable. You could hear his heart beating.

“The world is cruel,” he said heavily. “I’ve seen a great deal of wickedness and devastation since I left home, but I must say that you, Y/N, have been a bright light.”

Your heart skipped a beat at his words and you felt heat rise to your face. 

“Despite all you’ve been through, you’ve remained kind and gentle,” he went on. “You’re genuinely the sweetest person I’ve ever met. I know it’s only been a couple days, but you’re a very precious friend to me.”

You looked up and beamed at him. He held your gaze and seemed to inch closer. Your stomach turned at the thought. Was he going to kiss  you? Already? You were definitely fond of each other, but was it love? It certainly felt like the beginnings of it.

He pressed his lips to your forehead. You released a breath of relief. As badly as you wanted to kiss him - and you knew what was at risk if it didn’t happen - now was not the time. He was vulnerable, and he needed support. It would have felt like taking advantage of a weak moment. 

“You’re freezing, you should get out of the wind,” he remarked as he pulled away. 

I’m warmer with you, you returned. Besides, I miss the sea.

His brow furrowed. You had not meant to make that thought apparent, so your mind raced to come up with how to back track.

I just mean that I miss my old life, you signed, going vaguer. 

“Tell me about it,” he said. “Goodness, you’ve listened to me ramble on about my nonsense long enough.”

You smiled. What do you want to know?

“Let’s start with where you’re from,” he said.

It’s a whole other world, you signed. Beautiful in some ways and completely frustrating in others. I had interests my father didn’t approve of, and eventually I was punished for doing something I considered to be the right thing. I knew I had to get away. 

“That’s the worst, isn’t it?” he said. “Feeling like your parents are just trying to control you.”

Especially when they say it’s just because they know what’s best, you replied. How can they know what’s best if they don’t listen?

“Honestly!” he agreed. “All we want is the choice to make our life for ourselves.”

Absolutely, you signed. It’s about freedom. 

“Thanks for this, Y/N,” he said. “For listening and sharing. It’s been a real treat.”

You smiled again. Whenever you were around Ben, no matter how serious the discussion got, you always ended up smiling. You hoped that was how it would always be.

The sun began to rise over the water and the air warmed up. You returned Ben’s coat to him just as Behati was emerging from her quarters to address the crew.

“Ladies and Benjamin!” she began excitedly. “We now have the way to find Sycoria!”

Everyone cheered, including Ben. You clapped enthusiastically. Maybe if Behati was successful, you’d be free too.

“I’ve waited years for this moment,” she continued. “I’ve been a prisoner on my own ship all these years, but no more. But I wouldn’t be the captain I am without each of you. I collected my crew carefully, choosing those who I knew could work with me, and bring a fresh perspective. You have all proven more than worthy. Before we take on this final stretch of our journey, I’m letting you all celebrate. Our next stop is Dram, so you can all enjoy the Mermaid Festival, and then, we go after Sycoria with everything we’ve got!”

The crew cheered again. You shot Ben a questioning look. You had never been to a human festival before, and to hear they had one dedicated to mermaids was both scary and intriguing. 

“The mermaid festival celebrates Saint Asenora,” Ben explained. When your face lit up with recognition, he laughed. “My mother is named for the saint, but is not the saint herself. They both come from Dram, and my mother got her name because she was the first girl born to the Duke’s family there since the time of the saint.”

That’s incredible!

“We’ll dock in Dram tonight,” Behati said. “So you’ll have the whole day to celebrate tomorrow.”

You counted it up in your head. That would mean after the festival, you would only have another day with Ben.

Why is the saint celebrated at the Mermaid Festival? You asked.

“Because the legend goes that Asenora was a mermaid, and she fell in love with a human man,” he said. “She went to a witch to make her human, and the witch did it, but at great cost to Asenora. Her new legs were painful, and if the man did not love her in return, she would become sea foam.”

You swallowed. That hit a little too close to home.

What happened with the man? You asked.

“She found him, but he was already married,” Ben went on. “His wife was not as beautiful as Asenora, but she saw the smile on his face, and knew he was happy. Unwilling to disrupt his peaceful life, she sacrificed herself to the witch’s fate.”

That’s a horrible story, you signed with a pout.

“It doesn’t end there,” he said. “God had seen what Asenora did, and that her love was pure. He saved her spirit, and named her saint of the sea. Sailors across the kingdom pray to her for safe passage. Every year, they celebrate her at the Mermaid Festival.”

Well, that’s not so bad, you signed. But it’s still sad she never found love.

“Perhaps,” he said. “But lots of good came of it.”

You shrugged. Makes sense.

You and Ben spent the day together, working, talking, and laughing. Ben found himself impossibly more attracted to you as time went on. All he wanted was to be by your side. As he watched you help Ari with a rope, the way your face scrunched up in your way which was so cute. Your bright smile and sparkling eyes. The goodness and openness of your heart.

He felt a hand on his shoulder which drew him out of his stupor. 

“Y/N,” Behati said. “How do you feel about her?”

“She’s great,” he answered bashfully. “Really helpful and sweet and patient and -”

“Pretty?” she finished.

His cheeks got pinker. 

“She’s beautiful,” he said.

“There seems to be a real connection there,” she observed. “She likes you too.”

“Captain, what are you getting at?” he asked pointedly.

“I’m saying that what I see is the beginning of what we call love,” she said. “And I think you should pay attention to that.”

He blinked, astounded. He had never thought about it like that. But his attraction and appreciation of you definitely stood out to him. He had never felt that way about a woman before. But love? 

“I dunno if we’re there yet,” he said with a shrug. “But I...I really like her.” 

“I’m glad to hear it,” she replied. “Show her a good time tomorrow.”

“I will,” he said. “I’m actually excited for it.”

Behati smiled, nodded, and then left him to his work again. She walked over to you.

You beamed at the captain as she approached, but it faltered at the look on her face. She looked serious.

“Y/N, come with me to my quarters, we need to talk,” she said.

What’s this about? You wondered.

“Just come with me,” she insisted.

You put down your things and followed her. You shot Ben a questioning look as you passed him, but he only shrugged. He watched you disappear into Behati’s room.

“Hey, Ben,” Ari said. “Don’t you think that a sweet, charming girl that’s right in front of you might be better than some mystery woman you aren’t even sure exists?”

He sighed. “I suppose…”

Inside, Behati  sat on her desk, facing you. You stood before her, a questioning expression on your features.

“We’ve never addressed this, but I did see you that day you rescued Ben,” she began. “And you didn’t have legs. You were a mermaid.”

You looked at the floor and nodded.

“And I know Sycoria gave you your legs,” she said.

You nodded again.

“What was the price?” she asked. “And what are the conditions of your agreement?”

You took a deep breath. Then, you explained everything. How you’d always been fascinated by humans, that night you listened on the side of the ship and that was how you were there to rescue Ben. You told her your father punished you for it, and then you went to Sycoria to become human. You even told her the limits of your spell. That after the festival you would only have another twenty-four hours to get Ben to kiss you. 

“Well, you’re in luck, he likes you,” she said. “How do you feel about him?”

I’m starting to fall in love with him, you signed. He’s so brave and kind and caring. And we both value freedom and love. It feels like we’re meant to be.

“You very well may be,” she agreed. “The only thing is Ben is still caught up on the woman he thinks saved him. I think you should tell him the truth. During the festival.”

You nodded. I agree. I want to be totally honest with him so that he doesn’t feel tricked. 

“I like that,” she said. “To get this going, I’ve got something for you.”

A present?

She smiled and then crossed the room to her wardrobe. You watched eagerly as she opened the door, reached in, and pulled out a gorgeous gown that was on a hanger. Your mouth dropped as you looked at it. It was stunning - gold thread with soft pink lace and delicate frills along the sleeves and neckline. You had never seen such a garment.

“Wear this,” she said with a smirk. “That should put some serious hearts in his eyes.”

But if it’s yours, how will it fit me?! You wondered.

“It was actually part of a plunder I took a few years back,” she said. “I think it looks about your size. Dresses never suited me anyway. But they do suit a princess.”

You grinned. Thank you so much.

“You’re welcome,” she said. “Shall we try it on?”

You nodded enthusiastically. 

Behati had everything that went with the dress - the undergarments, corset, and even gold slippers to match it. As she finished lacing you up, you finished letting your hair out of the braids. Then she walked you over to the mirror that was on the wall. You gasped.

“My, my, you’re stunning!” she cried. “Look at you, gorgeous!”

You blushed, flattered by her praise, especially since you found her so beautiful. 

Thank you, you signed. I really feel like a princess now.

“You look like one,” she said. “You are one. Ben is a lucky, lucky prince.”

You blushed deeper. 

“We’ll be docking soon,” she said. “Stay in here as long as you like. I’ll have Ari and Kay get you dressed tomorrow.”

You giggled together, and then she departed. You looked at yourself again, twirling gently back and forth. You pictured yourself on Ben’s arm, looking like you actually belonged there. The way this dress would shift and move, the way it would swirl as you danced. The festival became a whole lot more exciting. 

When you docked at Dram, You had changed back into your crew clothes, but the dress was carefully packed and with Ari. Behati also handed Ari a pouch of gold to pay for rooms at the inn. She whispered some instructions into Ari’s ear that you guessed were about the dress. The captain shot you a knowing smile, and then you were all off into town. 

Dram was much more peaceful than Henrietta. There was a heavier military presence and the people were clearly wealthier. Most of the women had jewels around their necks and fingers. Their dresses were made of luxury fabrics, and most of them were escorted by a man. 

Not that there wasn’t poverty. There certainly was. The shopkeepers and merchants were dressed similarly to yourself and Behati’s crew. Although, the dress you knew was waiting for you would make you fit in right along with those fine ladies.

The inn was not too far from the dock, and Ari went to check you all in. The innkeeper gave Ari the keys, and she began assigning rooms. Your stomach turned when she said that you and Ben would be sharing. 

“Strictly for space,” Ari said. “You see, everyone else is rooming with their partners.”

You nodded slowly. I suppose that’s alright. Ben?

“If you’re comfortable, Y/N, then so am I,” he said.

There was a reassurance in his voice that eased you. 

“Y/N, come to my room tomorrow morning,” Ari said. “For your gift from Behati.”

She handed you the room key and winked. Ben looked between the two of you, confused.

“What?” he questioned. “Behati’s given you something?”

You nodded. It’s not important right now. Let’s just get to our room.

He agreed, and you walked upstairs together. You went to the room indicated on your key, and you turned the lock. You opened the door and walked in. The room was nice and cozy but to your horror, there was only one bed.

There must be a mistake, you signed. Ari would get us separate beds.

“Relax,” Ben replied, though he was also nervous. “I’ll go downstairs and see if there’s another. Wait right here.”

He left, and you stood in the doorway, anxiety coming off of you in waves. Being so close to Ben - sharing a bed - that would create a whole other level of intimacy between you. You didn’t have much time to fret before he returned.

“Sorry, no luck,” he said. “Between the Mermaid Festival guests and now us, all the other rooms are booked.”

You nodded and swallowed.

“If it makes you uncomfortable, I can sleep on the floor,” he offered, scratching his neck. 

No, you signed. We can share. That is, as long as you’re okay with it.

“Of course!” he said, and at the look of surprise at his enthusiasm, he collected himself. “Sorry. I just, uh...I dunno, I like being close to you, Y/N.”

You smiled. I like being close to you too.

It was getting late, so you both got ready for bed. Ben watched as you slowly shed a few layers of clothing. He found himself blushing at the sight of your bare shoulder, and the soft skin there. He resisted a brutal urge to walk up behind you and press his lips to it. 

He shook his head and began to take off his own clothes. You peeked over your shoulder and tried to not drool as his shirt came off and you saw his body. He had tan lines from his work and time with Behati, but it did not take away the appeal of his strong build. You happily would have thrown yourself into those arms. 

“Are you ready?” he asked, bringing you back out of your thoughts.

You nodded stiffly. He allowed you to get in the bed first, and you hesitantly pulled back the blankets and slid into the spot. As he followed suit, you became acutely aware of his body heat beside you. You looked resolutely away from him, so you wouldn’t make him uncomfortable, but you felt his eyes on you as he settled in.

He chuckled. “You can look at me, you know.”

You turned your head in his direction, but your eyes remained fixed on the sheets. His forefinger and thumb came to your chin, and he gently lifted your face to his. 

“Look, I understand that this is a bit uncomfortable,” he said kindly. “But I think we should focus on the positives. At least now, we have time to talk without any interruptions or worrying about anyone overhearing us.”

Should we have worried about that before? You asked.

He shrugged. “I dunno. But I like that it’s just you and me now. So tell me something new about you.”

You smiled. You considered confessing to him now where you really came from and the deal with Sycoria, but it still felt too crazy. And you wanted to know how he felt about you before taking the risk. So you talked about other things to pass the time. You talked with him until your eyelids grew heavy. You settled yourself against him and rested your head on his shoulder. Sleep took you. Ben watched you ease into slumber and admired your peaceful expression for a while before it came for him as well. He slipped out of consciousness with his arms around you.

You woke the next morning warm and cozy in Ben’s embrace. It was so comfortable you almost didn’t want to get up and go anywhere. But you were excited about the festival. And you thought it might be the perfect place for you and Ben to have your first kiss. And you could finally tell him everything. 

Ben’s eyes fluttered open and met yours gazing at him. He smiled lazily.

“Morning,” he said, his voice gravelly from sleep.

Good morning, you signed back. I’ve got to get to Ari’s room, but I didn’t want to disturb you.

“I wish you could stay,” he said through a yawn. “You’re so cozy.” 

You grinned. I’d be content to stay here with you for days, but we do have a festival to see.

“That’s true,” he conceded. “I’ll come get you in an hour, yeah?” 

You nodded. 

To your own dismay, you got out of bed, dressed quickly, and went down the hall to Ari’s room. Ben drifted back off for a bit, but found himself missing the feeling of you next to him. 

When you got to Ari’s room, she, Kay, Sharna, and several other girls were in there waiting for you. Ari flashed you a knowing smile.

“How was your night?” she asked.

It was….nice, you signed with a sheepish grin. He just held me all night. 

“Awww,” Sharna cooed. “What a sweetheart he is.” 

“Well, let’s get you dolled up for your sweet man,” Ari said. 

They all jumped in. While Ari was getting you dressed, the others were helping you with your hair. You really felt like a princess, but not the kind you were in the sea. The kind from storybooks. Only, you didn’t have servants. You had friends. 

Before you knew it, there was a knock at the door. Ben had arrived. Ari went to answer it, and she allowed him in. When he saw you standing there, in that elegant dress, with your hair curled and styled, and just a hint of rouge on your cheeks and lips, his jaw dropped. The breath was stolen out of his body, and his face grew warm. 

“Y/N, you - I - wow - you look….you look…” he sputtered.

“Beautiful?” Ari finished.

“Yeah,” he said, eyes still locked onto yours. “Stunning, actually.”

You flushed under his gaze and tried to relax. Somehow, you were more nervous around him now. It felt like he was properly courting you or something. The feeling only grew when he bent at the waist and bowed to you, extending his hand. 

“Y/N, I would be honored if you would allow me to escort you to the festival today,” he said. 

You took his hand, and he looked up. You beamed at him and nodded. He grinned back, losing the dignified air he’d created, and you were back to normal. Only, there was a real feeling of couplehood blossoming. 

He began to lead you out the door. Ari wished you good luck and said they’d be around if you and Ben needed anything. You both waved to her quickly, and then you were off. 

Ben took the lead, since he had been to the festival before. It was mostly local vendors selling products relating to the legend. People were everywhere, shopping and talking. Children darted back and forth, collecting candy and toys. Laughter and music floated through the air. Ben took you first to get a seashell crown to wear. 

“That really suits you, Y/N,” he said, placing it carefully atop your head. 

Thank you, you replied.

You continued walking. It shocked you to witness how fascinated humans were by mermaids. There was mermaid art, mermaid jewelry, mermaid themed food. None of it was accurate, but it was certainly amusing to you.  

You stopped at another booth, where you purchased a pendant for Ben. It was silver, hung down to his chest, and had a perfectly round pearl at the end. It was delicate, but still looked handsome on him.

“Y/N, you don’t have to do all this,” he said, admiring it. “This is much too kind a gift.”

You have been most kind to me, you replied. I want to show you I’m grateful to know you.

He pulled you close and kissed your forehead. 

“Thank you so much,” he said. 

You beamed at each other. 

Exploring the Mermaid Festival took most of the day, but it was a whole day you got to spend with Ben. You talked, laughed, shopped, and got to know each other. In the afternoon, you went to the town square to see the dancing. 

A group of string players were creating a jaunty and upbeat tune. The dance was known to the citizens, as they were all in step with each other. You even saw Ari and Kay out there together. Ben looked over and saw your eager expression.

“Would you like to dance?” he asked. 

You nodded so hard, he laughed. 

Taking you hand, he led you out. You got a bit nervous since you had never danced before and you didn’t know the steps.

“Don’t worry,” Ben said, as if reading your mind. “Follow my lead, and keep the beat in your head.”

His reassuring smile made you forget all apprehension. You leapt into the crowd, one hand in Ben’s, the other on his shoulder, while his free hand took your waist. Nothing else mattered. You danced and danced, and whether or not the steps were right was of little consequence. You were in Ben’s arms, moving together, with laughter in your eyes and on your lips. 

The song came to an abrupt, but jubilant halt, and you stopped, breathless and smiling. Ben was similarly delighted. Then you both burst into laughter. 

“That was great, Y/N!” he praised. “For someone who once struggled to walk, you’re a helluva dancer!”

You smirked. Well, I think with dancing, it’s about having the right partner.

He blushed and smiled in that way that absolutely melted you. Then, the music began again, this time much slower. You watched all the other couples return to the floor.

“Do you know how to waltz?” Ben asked.

You shook your head. He quickly showed you a box step, and you told him you trusted him. So, he took you out again. 

The waltz was smooth, with a romantic sway that was exactly what you had envisioned for the dress. You were much closer to Ben now - chest to chest. Both of you were rosy cheeked from the previous dance, but your breath was evening out. Your heart rate on the other hand was picking up rapidly.

“Y/N, I…” Ben began, but trailed off. 

You poked him insistently in the shoulder. He met your eyes and you questioned him with a slight downturn at the corners of your mouth.

The truth was, as he looked at you now, the only thing on his mind was kissing you. 

“I can’t begin to tell you how much I like you,” he said. “I think...it’s becoming more than just a liking, if you know what I mean.” 

You did, but you wanted to hear him say it. You furrowed your brow and looked confused.

“Y/N,” he said again, and as the music slowed to a stop, so did your feet. “I think I’m starting to…”

He was leaning in again, and this time there was no confusion about where he was headed. He was going to kiss you. Properly. And you were more than ready to accept him. To break this curse and regain your voice so that he could know truly everything about you. And you weren’t scared to tell him anymore. Because you knew that he loved you.

Your eyes began to close as you got closer to each other. You felt his breath hot on your face. His lips just barely began to touch yours. Just a little closer. A little closer and then…

“Time for the mermaid tears!” cried a young boy who came bounding between you, forcing you back a few feet. 

You tried not to look annoyed because it wasn’t intentional, but the moment was gone. Ben cleared his throat and looked at you.

“Well, I suppose we can’t miss the mermaid tears,” he said.

What’s that about? You wondered.

“It’s when we all go to the beach and make a wish,” he explained. “Everyone takes a bit of sea glass, makes a wish, and throws it into the sea. The sea glass is meant to be Asenora’s tears she shed for her lost love. But we give them back to her - and you let go of whatever is weighing on you - then she’ll grant your wish. According to the legend.”

Does it have to be right now? You asked.

He chuckled. “Yeah, it’s always right at sundown.” 

How quickly the day had flown! You weren’t ready for it to be over, but maybe, once you got back to the room, there would be another opportunity for him to kiss you. 

With a sigh, you took his arm and headed for the shore. 

All the jewelers were handing out the pieces of sea glass as each person approached. Yours was a deep blue, which reminded you of home. Ben’s was a soft green, and matched his eyes. You walked out to the sand, kicking off your shoes about halfway to the water. You let the ocean come and swallow your feet. 

You decided you were letting go of your old life in the sea. Where you felt trapped by your father and had no control. Your wish was for Ben to try and kiss you again. You hurled the sea glass as far as you could. It disappeared inside a wave. Then you looked at Ben. 

“Go ahead back to the inn,” he said, still holding his sea glass. “I need a moment.”

You placed a comforting hand on his arm, nodded, and began walking back. He watched you go, making sure you met up with Ari and Kay, before you were out of sight among the crowd. Then he looked back over the water. 

His heart was torn. He was certain that he loved you, but he could not forget about the woman who saved his life. It clawed at him, made him feel guilty for falling so hard for you. But how could he help loving you? Even if there was someone out there he owed a debt to. 

That was what he was letting go of. He was releasing himself from the burden of having to love someone for that reason. If he ever found that woman, he would see his debt repaid. But he was committing himself to you. His wish was only that you loved him in return. And that you would have a long and happy life together. 

He realized that he was now alone on the beach. He reared back to throw the stone into the water, when a voice caught his attention. He turned around and saw a woman walking toward him. At first, he hoped it was you, but he knew it was not your silhouette. 

“Benjamin,” the woman said. 

Her voice was intoxicating. He noticed an odd, purple and gold glow coming from a shell around her neck. It hypnotized him so that he dropped his sea glass without even hearing it hit the sand. 

Behati was whistling to herself as she walked near the stern of the ship. She had a great view of  the beach from her spot in the harbor, and she had seen you and Ben making your wishes together. Now, as she was making a second round, a foggy glow caught her eye. She stopped and watched.

A woman she had never seen was talking to Ben. The woman was certainly beautiful from what Behati could tell. But when the glowing fog went straight into Ben’s eyes and his body went rigid, the captain knew something was horribly wrong. The woman began to lead Ben into the sea, walking right into the waves.

“BEN!” Behati screamed, but he paid her no mind. “BEN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!”

He continued to ignore her. Then Behati watched with dread as the prince’s head vanished beneath the inky black surface of the water. A wicked cackle echoed through the air. A laugh Behati could never forget as long as she lived. 

“Sycoria!”

[unmanageable-day]

By your side | 01

"I like it here. This riverside. And also by your side," you started, after spending a moment of silence while sightseeing over the Han river in the afternoon with your soon to be officially ex-boyfriend. You smiled as you sighed to yourself. "But I guess I can't be here anymore, can I?"

Both of you did not look at each other. Your eyes were locked on the river, then to your shoes, then back to the river. While the big guy, Johnny Suh, tried to steal some glances at you. But knowing you wouldn't even look at him, he joined you looking at the water.

"Whoever gets to be here by your side, she is a lucky one," you continued, smiling painfully to yourself. "There is no single day going dull when being with you. I hope you know that."

Then why are you slowly getting more and more distant? Why does it feel like I'm the only one trying?

"Anyway, it's been great being with you, Johnny. Be happy, always." You got up, preparing yourself to bid him your final good bye. "Thanks for being my plus one today. I appreciate that."

This day would remark the official ending between you and him. After keeping his promise to go to Yeri's homecoming party, you had to let him go as he wished. Therefore, you thought, it should be a beautiful good bye. That was the main reason why you asked him to accompany you one more time—the last one time—to your favorite spot in the city. Both of you spent many happy days there in the Han river.

Well, of course it wasn't easy for you too to hold the tears from falling. But at least the memories coming to your mind whenever you sit there with Johnny were the good memories. The happy moments you shared with him for the past few years.

They say if you truly love someone, you should let them go. So, there goes nothing, you thought to yourself. "So long, Johnny. I hope you find the happiness you've been looking for. You will always be in my prayers." You managed to flash him a bright smile.

"You too," was all he could say. His words almost got choked in his throat. Has break up been always this easy? he wondered.

—※

"You're going with Johnny, right?" Wendy asked with her sparkly eyes. She sounded as excited as always.

You were caught off guard. Your eyes rapidly landed at Johnny himself, your friends, and then back to Johnny. He also tried to be as cool as possible and gave his diplomatic smile.

"I'm... not," you nervously told them. You were hesitated, especially the moment you said no all eyes were on you, including Johnny's who seemed to have a hard time believing his ears. "We're no longer together, as in together," you concluded for them, as you quickly put on a smile.

"Oh, no.. Yeoreum, I'm sorry I didn't know," Seulgi slowly muttered, feeling guilty. All of your friends also looked somewhat apologetic. The mood became weird so you just had to convince them, particularly since the ex-boyfriend said nothing to help you cool down the situation.

"Chill, guys, we ended it on a very good circumstances." You tried to sound as cheerful as possible. "Right, Johnny?" you snapped at him.

He almost got jolted by himself. It got him; your words 'no longer together'. His eyes found yours, only to see you talking to him with your eyes only, rushing him to speak what you have spoken to convince the others.

"Johnny?" you called to wake him up.

"Bro, you okay?" Mark whispered.

The tall guy blinked as he brought his hand to brush his fringe. "Yeah. But, anyway, Yeoreum is right. That's true. But we're cool."

"Johnny, are you okay?" Mark asked again when it was only him, Johnny, and Taeyong after leaving the venue to his place.

"Yeah, dude, are you really cool about it? Or are you just pretending to look cool?" Taeyong added. "Honestly you don't look okay, okay?"

Johnny kept silent. He sat down, speechless, looking at his beer on his hand. Am I okay? Am I not okay?

"What happened to you and Yeoreum? You two were like the most peaceful couple on earth."

What happened to us? Did I change? Did you change? Did we... change?

"Just don't get drunk alone, okay? Call me or Mark whenever you want." Taeyong pat his back. He and Mark were contemplating on leaving Johnny alone or not. Johnny did look miserable right now. Although he didn't say anything, Taeyong and Mark could tell easily that he got distressed.

"Do you think she likes me sincerely?" Johnny suddenly mumbled. "Is there anything I've done ever hurt her?"

"Johnny, what are you talking about?" Taeyong sat back again, now even closer to his best bud, looking worried.

"Hyung, you're talking nonsense. Summer noona genuinely likes you," added Mark.

Johnny ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. A soft groan slipped off of his mouth. "Then why..."

"Did she leave you? Is there another man?" Mark interrupted. "Or is there another woman?"

"Mark Lee!" Taeyong hissed. "Seriously, Johnny, what happened? Did she say to break up with you?"

Shaking his head couple times, Johnny's eyes started to become teary as he recalled what he did. "No. I did," he confessed. It had been more than 2 weeks and regret started consuming his soul. "I was the one breaking it up. She didn't say anything against it."

Taeyong and Mark became speechless. They simply can't believe it.

"I was upset. But I shouldn't have said those words," he cried. He even started sobbing as his memory recalled how it happened. How he suddenly couldn't hold the urge to spill his feelings to you. He strongly believed he couldn't do it anymore when he thought the feelings between you were not mutual.

'Don't you think... we're not who we used to be?' 'What do you mean?' 'I feel like things change. We change. Or maybe... you change.' 'Johnny, I don't understand.' 'These days I feel like I'm the only one trying. Like I'm the only one who thinks our relationship is serious. Like I'm the only one who loves you yet you don't feel the same.' 'Johnny, you know that's not true.' 'But why do I feel like you're slowly getting away? Honestly, these days it's like you're just existing whenever you're with me.' 'Johnny...' 'Maybe we should stop. Let's just not continue this thing.' You turned your face to hide the tears streaming down your cheek. Your hand quickly wiped it before speaking. 'Well, if you say so...' 'I'm sorry but things are not the same between us anymore. I'm not sure whether it's a good thing if we continue this relationship. I don't want it to be an unrequited love.' 'No, Johnny. I am sorry. I'm sorry I can't give you happiness in this relationship.' You sighed deeply. 'I guess you're right. We shouldn't keep this any longer, especially when you're not happy being with me.' An utter silence accompanied both of you for a while. 'Anyway, you remember the party at Yeri's next week? You don't have to come with me if you're uncomfortable.' 'A promise is a promise. I will keep my word to go with you.'

Johnny managed to tell the whole story to Taeyong and Mark, which unfortunately resulted in Johnny getting cornered and interrogated like he was the bad guy.

"I can't believe you did that."

"Johnny, what's gotten into you?"

"I don't know.." he mumbled in his tears.

"Just because she never initiates any physical affection doesn't mean she doesn't like you. Just because she never hugs you back, or grips your hand back doesn't mean she doesn't share that mutual feelings. Lastly, just because she never says 'I love you' first doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Johnny, we all know she's not that skinship person. On top of that, she can't stand PDA. She deserves to be more appreciated for putting up with you and your overflowing affection in public." Taeyong sighed. "And, damn, dude, your words surely matter."

Mark had to agree with Taeyong as much as he wanted to console Johnny. "Right. She may not look like it but now she must be thinking it's all her fault. She would take all the blame for how your relationship ended."

—※

'I don't want it to be an unrequited love.' 'I'm sorry I can't give you happiness. We shouldn't keep this any longer, especially when you're not happy being with me.'

You were drown in your own thoughts and memories of the day you breaking up with Johnny after a 4 year relationship. Sometimes you wondered if physical affection is very essential in a relationship, let alone showing it in public. Even your friends were aware that you were not fond of doing intimate stuff in public, like hugging, kissing or even a quick peck. At first you were okay and somewhat tolerating Johnny since it was only hand holding and sometimes quick pecks, which he did it occassionally. But the more often he did, the more you hoped he would tone it down. That was when you started to drift away.

You admitted that you were not very good with words. That was why you didn't say it directly to Johnny. Unfortunately things went wrong.

"Is this seat occupied?" A pretty boy showed up before your eyes, successfully distracting you from your own mind. His hands were full with hot coffee in one hand and a plate filled with chocolate brownie and almond croissant in his other hand.

You took initiative to pull the chair beside you, as a sign that he can sit there next to you. "Please," you offered.

He flashed you a bright smile. "Thank you."

You smiled back at him. You never thought you were going to talk with him again, so you went back to reading a book you just bought as you put on your airpods. Your concentration was distracted by a plate with a croissant on it that was slid towards you. You paused reading and turned to him.

"Can I help you?" you asked to the neighbor beside you.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. But, if you'd like, please have some." He referred to the croissant. "It's a thank you gift, for helping with the chair," he quickly gave answer when he noticed you looking confused.

"It's okay. I'm good." You bowed your head.

"Please, I insist."

"No, really."

"I promise I didn't put anything weird," he quickly explained himself. "I can't finish this. It would be nice if we could share."

"You don't share food with a stranger you just met." You raised an eyebrow. He grinned sheepishly. "Then let's be friends. My name is Jaehyun. You're gonna find it weird, but I know you're friends with Jeon Jungkook, and acquaintances with Kim Doyoung and Kang Seungyoon. Just who knows it will make me less suspicious."

"Okay, that's a lot of information already," you said as you closed your book, still not buying the pretty boy's words.

"I'm friends with Jungkook and Doyoung."

"Then you know my name?"

"Is it weird if I do?" he shyly muttered. "It's Song Yeoreum, is it?"

You nodded very slowly, still thinking that this guy was not that much trust-worthy.

"I remember you came with Jungkook some time ago. It's easy to remember your name." He showed you that shy smile again. "And you can translate the name into Summer Song, which is adorable." He mumbled with the last words yet you still caught that.

"Can you give me a moment?" You quickly dialed Jungkook's number to make sure this pretty man was not a creep. When he picked up, you can't help but bombarding him with loud whispers about 'dude, what a weird friends you got and how did he find me here, is he a freak or something, are you playing a prank on me, or is he legit your friend and does he have any criminal records?'.

You immediately got back at Jaehyun and wore your sincere smile. "Hi, sorry, I have to make sure you're not some kind of freak. I hope you don't get me wrong."

"It's okay. You're doing the right thing."

"Anyway, yeah, I'm Yeoreum. Summer. You got it right."

[crystaljins]

But why not me?

Characters: Jimin x Reader

Word count: 3.7k

Synopsis:   You are friendly with the Prince of a neighbouring planet and Jimin has some things to say about it.

Arrangedmarriage!au-ish

Notes: So an anon requested Jimin + prince and I thought... what about Spaceprince!Jimin? Again another 1000 follower request and hopefully this one is fun!!! It’s something a little different, at least.

Warnings: Jealousy. Immature characters. Verbal fighting.

The gardens of Lutania are some of the prettiest you’ve seen in this quadrant of the galaxy. The planet boasts unique bioluminescent flowers as part of their unique flora and great care by their scientists were taken to implant that DNA into imported species from other planets to give them the ability to fluoresce. The gardens are an accumulation of these lovingly cultivated species. They sit on the fringe of the palace grounds where the public can visit at will without interfering with the operations of their government, encapsulated in a neat bubble-like enclosure where the temperature, humidity and oxygen levels are carefully controlled. It is the closest to the outdoors that you can reach on this planet without your suit since you have not yet adapted to their atmosphere and you have no plans to stay long enough to do so.

“Are the gardens to your liking, my lady?” Beside you, the Prince of this planet has his hands neatly folded behind his back. A deep black cloak hangs off broad shoulders- it shimmers as it flutters behind him, catching the lighting of the luminescent flowers. You smile thinly. You have corrected Namjoon multiple times that you are Captain of the Royal Guard of your own government and are to be addressed as such, but you are beginning to suspect that it may merely be a translation thing. He, of course, is not actually speaking your native tongue- it is the communication device lodged neatly in your ear that translates his words at the same rate he speaks them. Perhaps the formal title has no other alternative in your language. So, this time you choose to hold your tongue rather than correct him. It is kind of… nice, if you are being honest, to have such a delicate and lovely title as “lady” attributed to you. Especially after the hurtful conversation you had had with your Prince earlier that morning. Today, you do not wish to be Captain. You do not wish to be an intimidating, highly respected civil servant who people whisper nasty things about in the hallways of the palace back home. You just want to enjoy the pretty gardens and not think about handsome Princes who only cause you heartache.

“It’s beautiful.”  You say warmly. “I can see why your people take such pride in it.”

Namjoon smiles and bends at the waist to examine a flower that hangs into your path. It resembles a rose but fluoresces a deep blue. The petals only glow at the base where they attach to the stem, however- the edges are dark and curl outwards and the effect is a rather nice gradient of light on each individual petal. He runs his fingers gently along the edges and a sweet smell fills the air.

“I had been meaning to take you to see these gardens at your earliest convenience. I… have greatly enjoyed your presence on this mission.” Namjoon offers hesitantly, and that brings you to pause. At this stage in your career, you’ve dealt with quite a lot of princes and bureaucrats trying to butter you up, thinking that perhaps you can sway the results of diplomatic meetings when you accompany Prince Jimin. But it does not seem that Namjoon is doing such a thing- no, he seems so warm and friendly. More genuine than the prince of your own planet, although perhaps that is just your own frustration speaking. Prince Jimin had not held himself back during his harsh words that morning, after all. You don’t know where he’s scampered off to after saying such things to you, but you much prefer Namjoon’s presence anyway. Namjoon does not hold the power to break your heart and cannot hurt you the way that Jimin did that morning. He’s the far safer option- Jimin can go off gallivanting as far from you as possible. Currently you couldn’t care less if he plummeted off the edge of a cliff.

“Well, thank you for making my time enjoyable as well.” You say, firmly pushing the thoughts of your prince out of your mind. Now is not the time for distractions even if his words from earlier will not cease replaying in your head. “It is rare that I am afforded such a beautiful sight on expeditions like these. Usually we are confined to the indoor areas where the meetings are to take place.”

“Well, if you don’t mind remaining indoors again tonight, I wouldn’t mind your presence beside me at dinner tonight.” Namjoon admits, almost sheepishly. This also catches you off guard- you are not sure why the Prince has taken such a sudden interest in you. Out of curiosity, you want to accept, but you know that you cannot.

“Unfortunately, I must-“ You begin, ready to launch into an explanation.

“It is her duty and role to sit beside me.” A third voice cuts off your explanation and both you and Namjoon turn in surprise to find the Prince of your planet staring you down with an unnecessary intensity. You blink a few times before turning to Namjoon.

“What he means is, as much as I would like to, unfortunately I have obligations to fulfill in coming here, and part of that is remaining by my prince’s side.” You offer in a way that is hopefully more tactful and polite than the blunt and intrusive statement that Jimin has just offered. The nerve of him! Like he has a right to speak to you the way he did this morning and then come barging in here like this. Prince or no prince, he has no right to be behaving in such a manner, especially when in conversation with another prince of a planet just as prosperous and peaceful as his own.

Namjoon offers a cursory glance at Jimin who has his arms folded across his chest. He offers Namjoon a slight arch of his brow, a challenging look that irks you. You cannot imagine how Namjoon must feel to be on its receiving end.

Prince Namjoon is seemingly the more mature and kinder being, for he merely extends an arm towards Jimin and offers a bow. It is a symbol of peace and acquiescence amongst his species and you are stunned and embarrassed that he is forced to offer such a gesture to your rude and obnoxious Prince. Jimin looks guilty, at the very least, and he offers a deep bow in return.

“I am sorry to have interrupted your duties.” Namjoon says to you, and he does seem to be genuinely apologetic. “Perhaps, in the future, you could come visit again when you do not hold any duties and we could-“ He suggests, but Jimin cuts him off by stepping forward.

“I’m sure the two of you can organise that at a later date when (Y/N) is not on duty, but unfortunately she has some important matters to discuss with me. As much as I do not wish to interrupt, I’m afraid her company is required.” Jimin says. You are relieved that the translation device which Namjoon is wearing does not convey sarcasm or you would surely have an intergalactic dispute on your hands. You are almost tempted to deny the existence of such things to discuss since you have no desire to speak to Jimin but you know you cannot afford to portray dissonance amongst your team.

“Oh. I’m sorry. I did not realise that she was required.” Namjoon says apologetically, confirmation that Jimin’s vitriol is not being conveyed through the translation device. He bows and offers you a sweet smile. “(Y/N) we will have to meet another time. There is so much I wish to discuss with you! You will have to tell me about some more of those strange planetary customs the next time we meet.” He tells you fondly, referring to an earlier conversation the two of you had had.

Jimin is stiff-shouldered until Namjoon is out of earshot and then he quickly whirls around to glare at you.

“I can’t believe you!” He cries. “I’ve been scouring this bloody palace, worried that something had happened you were in here? On a date with a prince of another planet?” He demands. You feel yourself bristle in anger.

“You don’t have any right to speak to me like that! He requested my presence, and as you so astutely pointed out this morning, I am Captain of your royal guard, and as such it is my duty to approach everything with diplomacy on this mission.” You snarl in response. “You seemed quite intent on duty earlier when you were being rude to Namjoon!”

“Namjoon?” Jimin cries. “You’re on first-name basis with the Prince now? And planning dates and extra vacations here! Why not just marry him?”

“Maybe I will!” You cry. “What right have you to be upset if I do?”

Jimin’s anger deflates and he shoves a hand through his hair in distress. His hair, normally neatly combed back off his forehead, is in disarray as it often gets when he is upset. He’s changed out of the normal uniform you all wear on expeditions such as these- he’s exchanged the military garb, a tight fitted dark green jacket that fits squarely over his shoulders and heavy-duty pants, for the flowy, darker attire of this planet. You like how he looks in his strict military garb, but you prefer the way he looks with the fabric that seems to wash over him like a waterfall and the loose fitted, airy shirts. He looks carefree in the attire, and less like he carries the weight of an entire planet on his shoulders.

“I…” He says, clearly trying to come up with the words. “I…”

He falls silent, clearly at a loss for words. Every other time you’ve fought, you’ve always made allowances for him. You’ve known Jimin since your days back in the academy- he had been put through the same brutal military training as you, as is the custom for all able-bodied young people on your planet, and the two of you had become quite close during that time. Close enough for you to develop feelings for the handsome prince, but you were a dime a dozen in that sense- there was not a single person in the academy who had not fallen for Jimin’s charming looks and big heart. He had this innate power to pull people to him. And so, he never noticed your feelings nor did he ever show any signs of reciprocation. And you’ve always been so blinded your feelings that you’ve let him step all over you- like the time he wanted to sneak out to meet with a young lady who lived in the city, a nobody that his parents definitely wouldn’t have approved of and despite your insistence that he had duties he must meet, he had begged and pleaded until you’d given in. Or when you’d been promoted to Captain of the Guard over him thanks to your dedication and commitment to the position and he hadn’t spoken to you for a week out of jealousy and disappointment. He’s not a bad or thoughtless person. Jimin is just used to getting what he wants thanks to his charisma and handsome face and he’s as used to taking from you as you are to giving in to him. You’ve always made excuses for him and the selfish things he does but this time it is too much. Your heart is tender and you cannot keep allowing him to hurt you the way that he does.

This particular fight has been brewing for months. It began when conversations began amongst your government over who would be an appropriate candidate to marry their prince. It is customary for the King and Queen to step down when their heir is of an appropriate age to lead, so that their guidance and wisdom is available as the new King adjusts to the role. And that day is fast approaching for Jimin- soon he will enter his second quarter, the age where on is considered mature enough to lead. Already he has been taking on more important roles, such as visiting foreign emissaries and making trips such as this one to Lutania to negotiate trade routes and peace treaties. And so, it is only natural that discussions of who would be Queen alongside Jimin would come into play. Some of the government workers angled for their own offspring to be Jimin’s partner, desiring the prestige and respect that would come for their children. Others were suggesting that perhaps someone from another planet, which would lend military strength to your planet and also gain you more respect in the Intergalactic Alliance.

It had been the King and Queen who had first brought up your name. As head of the military, a match between you and Jimin would win him the respect of his armed forces and demonstrate the strength and unity of your planet. It also meant that they had a direct line in communications with the Intergalactic Alliance, who preferred to liaise with the head of military of your planet rather than its rulers. Intergalactic prestige can only mean good things for your planet, which has no unique exports or riches to offer.

Oddly enough, Jimin had not been the one to oppose the idea. He had been scarily willing to sign his life away, which considering he had once admitted you were as attractive to him as the tiled flooring of the Meeting Room in the palace, was surprising. You had even overheard him discussing with his friend Taehyung about how maybe it wouldn’t be so bad- a list, pointing out that you aren’t unattractive, you’re well-loved by your people and you’re easy enough to get along with. Imagine that! Having such a convenient list of why he should marry you. You wish it were that easy for you.

And so, it had been you to politely decline the suggestion when you were summoned to the throne room to discuss the matter. Jimin had stood beside you with his head bowed like his parents were about to announce their decision to execute him because despite the convenient list, it is still not a pleasant thing to be forced into marriage. Perhaps you should have been overjoyed when they suggested you marry him. After all, your feelings for him are no secret to anyone with function optic spheres and they were offering you everything you could have ever wanted!

But this isn’t what you wanted. To give up the position you had worked your whole life for, to step into a high responsibility role, just to have a sham of a marriage where the husband you loved did not feel the same way? The thought of being married to a man who thought of you as a convenient way to tick some boxes sickened you. Jimin, however, used to getting what he wants and accustomed to having everyone adore him the second he stepped into a room, had not taken the news well. Finally, after numerous fights where he had tried to find what exactly made him so lacking that you would refuse becoming Queen to avoid marrying him, it had culminated in the fight the two of you had had that morning.

You’re not even sure what set him off- one moment you had been mentioning that Namjoon was positively considering the trade deals Jimin was proposing after a long but impromptu conversation with you the night before, and the next moment the two of you were screaming at each other. You can’t even recall most of what you said to each other, but it had ended up with you storming off. You had run into Namjoon then who had seen your distress and suggested a peaceful walk in the gardens to calm you down.

“I’m so tired of this, Jimin.” You say softly. “Aren’t you sick of fighting? Are you really that upset that I won’t marry you?”

“Yes.” The words are whispered so softly that you almost miss them. You blink a few times as you second-guess whether it was your imagination or not.

“What?” You ask aloud. Jimin sets his jaw and straightens. His fists are clenched so tightly that they shake, and his knuckles go white. He meets your gaze head on with dark eyes. Your people are known for fierce, dark eyes that seem to hold galaxies in them and the look that Jimin gives you certainly reflects that. His eyes catch the light of the luminescent flowers around you and you’ve never seen a more beautiful gaze.

“I’m upset. I’m upset that you can talk with Namjoon and smile and laugh with him like he’s the most charming person in the world and then look at me like I’m the dirt beneath your shoes. Am I really that repulsive?” He demands. His expression is tortured. “At first I thought that maybe you just didn’t want to be queen… I could live with that. It is because I am the prince that you refused. It hurts that you do not want me but I can live with that. But then, we come here, and Namjoon is a prince. Of the same standing as me. To speak and laugh with him is the same as speaking and laughing with me and yet you won’t do it. You treat me like I am diseased. So it must be me- something must be wrong with me that you do not want me. Why don’t you want me?”

You stare at Jimin in incredulous silence. You had not suspected such distress to lurk behind his anger over the past few weeks. You had assumed that Jimin’s ego had been bruised and that is why he has been treating you with such disdain, but suddenly you see that it’s not the case. You’ve hurt him- really, truly hurt him. And you’d been withholding your true feelings to protect yourself, but to have hurt the man you love so deeply… You swallow and inhale deeply.

“I don’t want a marriage of convenience.” You say softly. Jimin stares at you in confusion. “I… I did not want an empty marriage where our names are joined on paper because it looks good to the public. That… that is just too cruel. To love a man who sees me as a means to an ends.”

Jimin is silent at your admission. Perhaps he does not know how to respond. But it is far more likely that he simply does not understand.

“It wouldn’t be an empty marriage.” Jimin admits quietly. Now you are the one struck speechless. When you do not respond, he continues on desperately. “I chose you. I asked my parents whether it could be you. At first it was just because I didn’t want to marry a stranger and I know you better than anyone else. But then… then it became something else. You would smile at me or you would support me on our missions and all I could think was that there was no one better suited to the role of queen. There was no one else I wanted to be by my side when I did those things. And my friends disagreed. Everyone suggested that I marry someone who could grant us more power or better trade routes, or one of the court ladies who are groomed for the role. So I pretended that you had all these features that made you the perfect candidate to be my queen, but the truth is, they were just excuses. It’s because I wanted you. No, because I want you.” He steps forward, and when you do not step away, he clasps both his hands around yours. He raises them gently to his forehead and shuts his eyes. It takes your breath- it is an intimate and loving gesture, between your people, the kind of act of affection only shown between husbands and wives. “It wouldn’t be a paper marriage because I… well, because I love you.”

He raises his eyes and you see something in his gaze. Something warm and tender and suddenly the weeks of fighting make sense. It was because Jimin was hurt. He thought he was being rejected repeatedly and then you were so friendly with Namjoon… It does not excuse his behaviour, but you understand it.

“I thought you were merely upset because I had hurt your ego. You once said I had the sexual appeal of a tiled floor.” You point out. Jimin laughs, and steps in a little closer. His expression is warm and open when you do not push him away.

“That was when we were young and still in the academy! How many years ago was that? People and feelings change, my edese.” He tells you and your eyes widen at the adoring title. The look in his eyes matches the affection of the pet name. He tilts his head, as he awaits your reaction. You clear your throat awkwardly and look away. If it is a time of confessions, perhaps he is waiting for you to explain yourself.

“I have no interest in Namjoon.” You finally say. “Our mission required diplomacy and I treated him as such. And… you are not…. You are not repulsive. Far from it.”

Joy sparks in Jimin’s eyes and he laughs.

“I suppose that is as close as I will get to a confession of love from you.” He finally says. “Very well then. Perhaps… perhaps when we return from this endeavour… Perhaps we can reopen discussions on my marriage?” He suggests tentatively. It takes a lot of courage, which is amusing considering the fact that you are the literal head of the military of your entire planet, but you offer him a tiny nod, stepping forward to recapture the hands that had released yours.

“If… if you want me. As your love and not as a convenience.” You finally say, meeting his gaze and allowing the feelings you had been repressing for many, many years to surface. Jimin’s lids flutter beneath the intensity of your gaze. “Then that sounds like an excellent idea.”

Jimin smiles and steps forward as if to embrace you, but you hold a hand up to stop his advance.

“After we settle the trade routes here.” You say with a wide smile.

You can hear him complaining behind you as you turn away towards the exit of the gardens. He cannot get everything he wants in life, though.

Just most things.

[blue-lamento]

This post was written for the user @j-penny, who insists that Leo is the most unexplored character compared to his brothers. We are going to prove this statement wrong.

We are using the 2003 cartoon as the example not only because it’s known among most fans, but also because we consider Leo-03 to be one of the best versions of the character.

Introduction

Usually those who write analysis of a character use two terms – character development and characterization. However, people don’t usually use the same meaning for both of them. For instance, some people believe that characterization is the part of character development, because we, the audience, discover more details about our character and thus he develops in our eyes. And other people believe that character development and characterization exist apart from one another, because character development implies the change over the story, while characterization implies a particular set of traits in a particular time of the story.

We have decided to choose the second model because it’s more common and because the story of 2003 usually puts the plot on the first place rather than the characters, which is why they develop slowly and their personality becomes more flashed out with time.

Part 1. Leo’s first traits.

At the beginning of the first season we were given some of the most important traits of our character.

Dedication. This trait was unfolded in the first episode, when Leo has passed Splinter’s challenge. Leo loves to train and study; his outstanding physical (and spiritual) strength is noticeable through exercise and combat; it was also observed by the Shredder.

He trains for the sake of self-improvement and he takes ninjitsu seriously.

‘I'm not striving to be perfect, only perfectly proficient’*

‘Ninjitsu is not a game!’*

However that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like to have fun. He loves to hang out with his brothers, play with Raph, ride a Sewer Slider or a scooter and poke fun at Mikey.

‘With that aside, I do realize the need for fun and relaxation. While I often disagree with Raphael, he is my brother, and I enjoy the times that we spend goofing off’*

The abidance of Bushido. Bushido (honor) plays a huge role in Leo’s life, because it shapes his personality. One’s actions are a reflection of who one really is and Leo’s actions reflect:

His devotion to his family.

His respect for others.

His kindness.

His mercifulness.

This makes him a pure-hearted person and sometimes his purity shows in other ways)))

Introversivness (or isolation). Leo demonstrates his isolation when it comes to his own problems. He doesn’t seem to be eager to discuss his distress (for example, when he was spending all his time out in the barn in the twentieth episode of the first season) and sometimes even refuses to get help (as it was shown in ‘Samurai Tourist’). The only way to get something out of him is to start talking first, because he is never going to be the one to do it. 

Leo also has a trait that needs to be cleared up.

Leadership. This part of his character has created a lot of trouble before rotTMNT came out, which is why everything should be addressed.

Firstly, he is not an official leader.

That means that he didn’t have any ceremonies and he certainly isn’t pressured by Splinter, (like he was in the 2007 movie and 2012 cartoon), although the latter does like to leave Leo in charge when he is away.

He has chosen the path of the leader himself simply because he understands that his family doesn’t have a peaceful life.

‘I try to be the leader of the team, since someone has to be and I'm the only one who seems to be interested in order’*

‘I train diligently and read up on strategy to better prepare my family for times of duress’*

‘I guess this may seem a little hard-nosed, but if you were in my shoes, I think you'd agree that someone has to play the ‘heavy’’*

‘I love my family more than life itself, so I feel responsible to ensure their protection’*

Secondly, while Leo can worry about his incompetence as a leader (the conflict of the fourth season), he can also torment himself over something more personal (the conflict of the first season; ‘City at War’), which proves further that his character doesn’t only revolve around his role in the team.

Thirdly, Leo is not a control freak. When his brothers know more about the situation, he has no problem in letting them take the lead, while he takes part in solving local problems.

We also shouldn’t forget that some of his orders exist because of Splinter and as someone who values security and peace, Leo also values his master’s wishes and wants his brothers to follow them, even though he sometimes goes against them as well.

Fourthly, unlike the 2012 cartoon, in 2003 Leo’s brothers respect him and listen to his orders, although they do tend to go against Splinter’s instructions, but that’s a big difference, mind you.

And lastly, Leo doesn’t have any fights with Raph because of his leadership nor is there any hatred between them. Their arguments are usually focused on different opinions, not on the ‘I don’t take orders from you’ line (ex. ‘City at War’).

In ‘Tales of Leo’ Raph showed that he understood that Leo was more suited for the role back when they were kids, a period, when he thought that being a leader was all about bravery and strength, but seeing Leo taking out the huge alligator by using his brains he was exposed to another side of the role.

Overall, Leo and Raph have a good relationship that goes beyond the ‘a leader and a hothead’ shtick.  An excellent opinion on this topic can also be read here: (1), (2).

Curiosity. This trait is actually ignored by fans, which in result makes them portray Leo as Splinter’s loyal puppy and it’s not correct.

Leo, as we said before, values Splinter’s opinion, but that doesn’t stop him from wanting to explore and participate in his brother’s intrigues. In the third episode of the first season Leo mumbled ‘Splinter is going to kill us!’ and immediately went off on an adventure and this didn’t happen just once.

At first Leo acts careful, however it is really easy to convince him to take part in anything, even if Splinter would be against it.

 Part 2. The outlived trait.

Some fans tend to think that Leo is arrogant. Do these fans have a point when it comes to Leo in 2003 cartoon? Well, yes and no, because he did in fact have the similar trait, although he outlived it pretty fast.

The trait was shown in the tenth episode of the first season, ‘Shredder Strikes Part 1’, where at the beginning Leo was talking about his swords being superior to any other weapon. But where did this thought come from? Well, it was written in some book, so it must be true, right? Splinter, however, said the complete opposite, which Leo genuinely didn’t understand and he was frustrated about it. So was Leo really just plain arrogant? Not exactly.

Next we are taken to a talk between Leo and Oroku Saki and the latter has almost convinced Leo to join to Foot clan. We see that Leo has done the same mistake when he believed the half-truth about swords written in the book – he believed Saki’s half-truths.

In both cases Leo acted gullible (almost naïve) and thus he acted imperious in the first situation and vulnerable in the second. He wasn’t arrogant for no reason and that helped him get rid of the characteristic. After that episode he has never shown the flaw again.

Part 3. The ‘failure’ theme.

Every turtle has a weakness, be it Raph’s inability to control his anger or Mikey’s immaturity.

After Shredder’s second strike we are told in ‘Tales of Leo’ that he has a hard time dealing with failures, which escalates to a real fear that opens up Leo’s insecurities and anxieties throughout the first four seasons. Every conflict that is connected to the character has a word ‘failed’ or ‘failure’ in it, which makes it his inner theme.

All in all, his constant battle against his fears flashes out his character and adds more to it, which will be discussed in next parts.

Part 4. Northampton.

This is an introduction to Leo’s ‘failure’ theme.

After Leo has woken up he was straightway upset. While talking to Raph, who visited him at the barn, he explained what was bothering him so much: he let everyone down, got ‘his shell kicked’, lost his swords (and moreover he developed a fear over the Elite Guard). In short, not only did he feel like a failure, but he was also humiliated.

The one who helped Leo recover was Raph, which again proves that both of them have a great and deep relationship and that Raph, even though he often acts all grumpy and snarky, has enough kindness in him to support his brothers when they need it.

Part 5. The cosmos.

When the boys were stuck in other galaxy, Leo was upset as well. We saw it two times; when the turtles were told about their location and when they thought they have lost the Fugitoid to Triceratons. During both instances the situation seemed to be dead-end, Leo clearly didn’t know what to do next and for him it automatically meant that they have failed. This affected his spirit similarly to how he was acting in Northampton, however Raph couldn’t help him the second time. Leo needed something else. He needed hope. And when he has it he is unstoppable.

Leo was really active during the cosmic arc; he was doing the job that every leader should when his team finds themselves in unknown circumstances. The arc has listed out the reasons why Leo is a good leader:

1. Because he uses strategy.

2. Because he can think fast under pressure.

3. Because he is ready to take risks.

4. Because he is resourceful.

Part 6. City at War.

Leo (and Karai of course) has always played an important role in ‘City at War’ arc.

Before we dive in Leo’s character we have to briefly talk about the conflict. Leo felt responsible for waking up the mafia and turning the city into chaos because of Shredder’s death and he wanted to do something about it.

However his family found the idea of staying at home and doing nothing about the war more appealing, which Leo didn’t like. And even if Mikey said that he understood where Leo was coming from, it wasn’t enough for him to go with Leo to fix their wrongdoings. No one supported Leo, but that wasn’t a problem for him, because he didn’t need an approval from his family; even Splinter, who Leo respected the most, couldn’t change his mind and couldn’t stop him from running away.

‘City at War’ was always known for its main theme of revenge, but this time the writers decided to create a new theme to keep the story different and this theme revolves around, as Splinter has said in the end, following your heart. During the whole arc Leo was acting according to his own views and he always stayed true to himself, which means that his beliefs are strong and he is ready to act independently from his family if needed.

Part 7. Leo’s fear.

In the third season there was an episode about turtle’s fear. At first glance the story doesn’t give us a complex explanation to work with, but with more research more details rise to the surface.

There is a good analysis of this episode on the site, so we are going to link it.

Overall, while Leo does hate the idea of failure, his deepest fears are connected to other issues and it’s great, because it indeed makes him more complex.

 Part 8. The fourth season.

It’s the culmination of everything we have learned about him.

The conflict is in one way the opposite of the conflict in Northampton. In the first season Leo was the only one who got heavily injured, but in the finale of the third season everyone in Leo’s family was injured. While talking to Usagi and April in ‘Sons of the Silent Age’ and ‘Samurai Tourist’ Leo described his feelings the following way: ‘the only thing that I could think of was to blow up the ship’, ‘I couldn’t save them’, ‘I was useless’, ‘I wasn’t good enough’. Most of his thoughts were connected to his family and because of his sense of responsibility for them Leo felt guilty for not finding another way to solve the problem. This brings us to the conclusion: while in the first season Leo’s distress was only about him, in the fourth season it was about his family, which is why he was traumatized so deeply.

Just like in the ‘City at War’ Leo have decided to fix his failure by doing everything to protect his family.

Firstly he had to fix himself. He started to train more, forgetting completely about having fun with his brothers (in other word isolated himself). He also became more ruthless with enemies.

And secondly he had to fix his family. He started to train them himself and by accusing them of being immature demanded his brothers to take threats and tasks seriously.

However that wasn’t enough. His self-hatred, him not wanting to talk about his trauma openly, the need to be stronger and his non-acceptance of defeat pressured Leo and as a result he lost his grip and took his anger out on Splinter.

With the Ancient One Leo has learned to accept his failure and to not feel guilty over something he couldn’t control.

After that Leo has fully developed, he didn’t have any more room to grow. He was finished and the writer understood that as well.

The conclusion.

Turns out that Leo was actually a well explored character with rich traits, but why then people like j-penny love to say the opposite?

The first reason is that people simply don’t find these traits interesting. The other reason is that people don’t think that being kind, committed to an old code of honor and showing dedication towards one's family or studying are worthwhile qualities, which is why the only thing that some people notice about Leo is the fact that he is the leader and that he has some insecurities. That creates a limited image of the character, not to mention that some fans twist the image and make Leo a controlling, cold and boring leader, which he is not. Is this Leo’s fault? No way.

So… can you not like Leonardo? Of course, it’s just a matter of taste. But can you belittle Leo in order to put another character on the pedestal? No one is stopping you, but would that make you sound smart and your statement sound true just because you have learned some buzzwords that don’t hold any real evidence? Decide that for yourself.

We were actually thinking about analyzing other incarnations (especially Mirage's Leo, since he is also one of our favorite versions), but we didn't have any time or power to do so...

(*) -  These quotes were taken from the archive of an official Mirage studios site

[owlespresso]

A Time Before

When Hades and the 14th knew each other, fell in love, and most importantly, had time. Tip Jar / Headcanon Requests are 2 ko-fis. Spicy content below the read more.

The sun peers around the belfry just in time for Hades to round the corner. He squints and turns his gaze away, nose wrinkling at the vile brightness. His books rest in the crook of his arm, and for a moment he must resist the urge to bring them in front of his face as a shield.

He had seen you do that, once, and immediately wondered what it must be like to be unbothered by public opinion, so carefree and dissolute. He’s lost count of how many times he’s scolded you for your filipancy and devout aversion to deadlines.

“Hades!” yet when you call to him from across the vibrant courtyard, voice carried like petals on the breeze, he still goes to you. The florets and emerald leaves fill the air with a delightful, abet stifling aroma. 

There’s a quick in his brow and the barest of smiles on his lips as he approaches, watching you rock back and forth in a swing that was most certainly not here yesterday.

“Making the most of our god-given creativity, are you?” he drawls.

“I’m having fun with it, so I think so,” you reply. When you smile smugly, you do it with your eyes, cheeks pulled upwards in an expression both insufferable and adorable all the same. Besides, none of the professors have called me on it, so it’s probably fine.” 

It probably is, Hades admits inwardly. It’s a pretty, ivory swing. Vines dotted with flowering blooms twine up the rope on either side. It’s aesthetically pleasing and practical, like your work always is.

Brilliant, blue energy sparks from your palm and spreads to your fingers, before it ventures to the surface below you. Its form changes and warps before his very eyes, growing longer and wider.

“There!” you exclaim, proud as he’s ever seen you.

You tilt your head to the side and pat the newly formed space next to you. The coquettish little grin you treat him to makes him want to squish your cheeks.

“Shouldn’t you be hard at work on your thesis?” he asks dryly, taking a seat regardless. His books now rest in his lap, hands placed neatly atop them.

“I have more than enough time,” you assure him.

Any stinging retort he could have delivered dies on his tongue as you settle yourself into his side. His entire body goes rigid, jaw clamped shut as one of your arms sneaks around his own, tugging the limb into your chest. Your face presses to his shoulder, and he can’t imagine it’s very comfortable with your mask in the way. For once in his life, he’s at a loss for words. Your boldness has never been a secret, but to think you’d show such affection in public.

Even in private, you’d never exchanged anything more than brief brushes up against each other, through thick, black robes.

How do you look underneath those layers, he suddenly wonders? How would you react if he unwrapped you, pressed you to his sheets and ran his needy hands up and down your body? Would you arch into him? What noises would you make? Would you still tease him, or melt into a puddle underneath him? Would your lips part around and smooth over his greedy fingers?

“I wish it would always be like this,” your voice is muffled against his sleeve.

“Like what?” he humors you, even if he has a good idea of what you mean.

“Everything being quiet. Us not being committed to actual jobs, yet. We won’t have this much free time forever, you know. What if he never get to see each other anymore?”

Hades can’t recall the last time he’s heard you sound upset, and can’t control how alarmed he gets. He can feel the writhe and twist of your soul, see how genuinely repulsed at the idea of being apart from him. It’s equal parts touching and flustering, but he has little time to deal with his own, turbulent emotions. Because you are upset, and somehow, he’s come to think of it as his duty to soothe you.

There is explicit value in your happiness and your smile.

What if we work in the same establishment? He wants to ask, but doesn’t, because that’s not a complete plan and might only wind up giving you false hope. He runs through various possible solutions in his head and his hand itches for a utensil to write them down with. He’ll write them like he writes his theories, each and every one meticulously thought out, stewed over for days, drawn up with… love.

“We should get married,” you say, and he nearly chokes on his own tongue. The distress that wailed within you has calmed, “That way, we’ll always come home to each other!”

It’s not a bad idea. In fact, he gets carried away and thinks of it as a very good idea for a moment, before he remembers practicality.

“That’s a bit of a leap from where our relationship currently stands,” he says, bidding the desperate thumping in his chest to calm.

“Maybe,” you say, nonchalant. It awe and frustrates him all at once. He’s never met someone like you, before, and he never wants to be a part from you, either, “But I know for certain that I’m very fond of you. And if we never see each other anymore, who will correct your work?” you tease, and he does his best to ignore the thrill your voice sends up his spine.

“Critiquing isn’t equivalent to correcting!” he snaps, thoroughly offended. You laugh into his shoulder and the sound settles his ruffled feathers. His eyes shut. He exhales the hot air he’d been holding, “Regardless, your feelings are returned. The idea of being separated from you is just as unsettling to me as it is to you.”

He leans over, cheek nestled to the top of your head. The hubbub of the university fades into meager background noise. The decadent, floral scents swell around the both of you, the shade proving a cool blanket, a shelter from the violent light of the sun.

“Are we gonna get married, then?” you feel him stiffen, giving a laugh and oh, it’s so terribly difficult to be cross with you while you’re so blastedly content, “Or maybe we could just find an apartment together?”

“That would be a more amenable solution,” he admits with a small sigh.

“Good,” you say with a certain level of finality to your voice. He feels as though he’s just signed a contract, “Good. We can start looking next weekend.”

“You mean after you get at least halfway done with that thesis,” he pulls back to level you with a stern look, prepared for the pout you give in return, “Don’t look at me like that, you stubborn little thing,” he reaches out and pinches your cheek, expression furrowing into a fond smirk, “You know just as well as I how crucial this is. I’ve gone easy on you before, but this is more important than the rest combined. It’s a requirement for graduation. And if you cannot graduate, you cannot move in with me.”

His hand reaches for your chin, tilting your head up.

“Promise me you’ll get to work, hm?”

You don’t want to give into his demands out of sheer stubbornness. You’re always been pointlessly obstinate, willing to challenge him for the sake of it. There’s no one else who keeps him on his toes, no one who can spur him into improving himself.

His other rivals pale in comparison. He is wowed by your thoughts and clever machinations to levels he never thought possible. Usually, he revels whenever you challenge him, but for once he’s delighted when you sigh, nod and agree.

-------- 

“If we live together, people are going to think we’re romantically involved,” you clarify, whilst looking over the balcony. This is the third apartment you’ve looked over together, by far the nicest. Hades brushes his fingers over the cool counter and scoffs.

“Have you just realized that?” he drawls and walks to your side, his gaze roaming over their proud city. He’ll never tire of the grand vista, the extravagant spires which stretch towards the sky.

“No,” you scoff right back and nudge him with your elbow, “I just wanted to make sure you knew.”

“Whatever you say,” he replies, entirely unconvinced. Y

A hand reaches for one of your own. You intertwine your fingers together near instantly, leaning your head against his solder.

“You want this one, right?” you inquire softly.

“Of course I do. It’s the nicest one we’ve been shown thus far,” newly done counters, a wine rack in the kitchen, even a fireplace. He briefly pictures the crackling flames, quickly fantasizes about being nestled underneath a sea of blankets with you tucked to his side, just like you are right now. 

“Mhm,” you hum and nod your assent, turning your head, nuzzling your face into his shoulder. The two of you linger in the otherwise empty apartment for another fifteen minutes before the real estate agent comes fluttering back in, enthusiastically asking you what you think and when you’ll buy.

The thought of living at your side and waking up to you each and every morning keeps him patient and warm, even throughout all of the obnoxious paperwork, which he finalizes mere days later.

Begins the process of packing up his belongings, readying for the massive changes in his life that loom on the horizon. He puts his life into large, cardboard boxes and watches them get taken down the road and out of sight by the moving vans. He’ll see them again in a matter of hours, but he can’t suppress the nostalgia and perhaps grief he feels.

He’s a proud academic, one of the university’s most lauded scholars, a man undoubtedly head and shoulders above his peers.

So why does his stomach toss and turn? Why does he feel so antsy? The bothersome butterflies flutter in his stomach. His nerves jump even as he rides the elevator up to the apartment, where all his belongings already reside.

He’s taken more difficult leaps than this, he tells himself. The hallway stretches before him after the doors open with an abrupt ding. Ornate paintings are fastened to the walls, lined by frames of gold and bronze. Something as small as a change in scenery should hardly startle him.

The battle with his own emotional state rages on even as he twists the key into the doorknob, fiddling with it for a mere moment before he throws it open. Much to his surprise, the fireplace is already crackling away, cozy warmth sweeping through the living room. Some of the furniture has already been set up—a plush, comfortable couch sat in front of a coffee table which you meticulously picked out from a selection of five.

Your combined belongings rest in boxes scattered around on the floor. He hears the sound of cardboard being tossed about from behind one of the incredible towers.

“Hades!” your face pops into view. Sweat gleams on your brow, but the vibrancy of your smile outshines that by miles. His heart near aches in his chest and he longs to pull you into his arms. The anxiety rumbling in his stomach calms at the sight of you and for the first time in a long while, he feels perfectly at home.

---------

“I still think the sheets could have been purple,” you remark idly, sorting through your bedroom closet. Hades watches from his lounged position, gaze running across your shoulders, down your back, over your hips and thighs. You’ve both discarded the usual robes for lighter fare, allowing him to see more of you than he ever had.

It’s been two weeks since you’ve moved in together, and you’ve settled into a lovely, steady rhythm. There have been no heartfelt, dramatic confessions, but he assumes you’re in a relationship now. 

No, he knows it. He knows it from the way you kiss his cheeks or lips whenever he gets home, knows it from the way you lean into him when he wraps his arms around your waist. There’s a domestic bliss that blankets your apartment, a warm feeling he’s never experienced before and does not want to let go.

Even petty little arguments like these have their place in that feeling. How delightful it is to negotiate who’ll do what chores or who will pick out the lamps for the study. Never had he thought that sharing his space with someone else could be so rewarding. 

“It would have been obnoxious,” Hades corrects, lips quirking into a smug little grin, “Black is the most fashionable color, my dear. I can think of no one who looks bad in it.”

“Debatable,” you snort, “Being colorful is more adventurous. And history always rewards the brave, Hades,” your organizing gets faster and perhaps a little more aggressive, and once you’re done, you whirl around to face him, crossing your arms.

“I wouldn’t call picking out a pair of gaudy sheets to be brave in any way, shape or form,” Hades raises an eyebrow and you huff, striding over to him. You just about jump onto the bed, the mattress bouncing underneath the sudden weight.

“You just don’t know anything about art,” you tease, crawling over the comforter to rest beside him. He readies another keen retort, but chokes on his words when your face presses into the side of his neck, lips brushing against his skin, “And you’re so cold!” you exclaim, absolutely shocked. One of your hands slides over his chest and wraps around his throat—not to squeeze, merely to feel. It’s an inquisitive touch, but he can’t stop himself from sighing shakily, “What’s wrong?” 

Blast it, you’d noticed, you keen little thing. 

“Nothing. I was simply rendered speechless by your lack of aesthetic taste,” he snips, but his bottom lip wobbles when your teeth scrape over his skin. The hand on his throat slowly slides down to his robes, beginning to unfasten them, exposing his chest inch-by-inch.

Your lips follow, blazing a trail down his neck. A second hand joins the mix, tugging his sleeves to reveal his shoulders. Your fingers brush over them appreciatively before clamping down, delighting in the broad muscle there. Hades’s hands reach for your hips, giving them a hesitant squeeze. You’re still much too clothed for his liking. 

He’d like to remedy that problem, but you have him stunned and motionless, willing to do little besides bask in the attention you’re so generously giving him.

He remains still and pliant for you, shockingly silent as you disrobe him. You carve your marks into his skin, bite at his shoulder. The gentle caress of your fingers intermingle with harsh scratches that make his back arch off the mattress, lips parting around succulent moans and other, hardly dignified noises.

Hades’s wide eyes stare up at the ceiling, the mark you’d so carelessly carved onto his shoulder beginning to throb and ache. It’s a carnivorous feeling that rushes straight to his groin, where your mouth is wrapped so generously around his cock.

This wasn’t right. This wasn’t how he’d imagined it would go.

But your tongue swirls around his tip and he finally shuts his eyes, presses his shoulders into the mattress and curls his toes. The noise he lets out is one he won’t admit to later. Your firm hands hold him to the sheets and he does his best to stay in place, just for you. Because what would he be without you, you delightful little thing?

You, who insists on making him feel good, who doesn’t give a damn about your own pleasure until he is thoroughly sated.

You’re still in your robes. He hasn’t gotten the joy of unwrapping you, yet, but your palms are hot against his cold skin. His teeth dig into a bottom lip, wiry fingers curling into the ungodly soft sheets as you treat him better than anyone else ever has. His cock twitches in your mouth, mind melting into dull heat, numb to everything but your hot mouth as he nears his release.

It’s never gone this fast, before. He can feel himself tumbling closer to that beautiful, pristine edge—

Your mouth slides off his cock and he gasps, eyes flying open, mind screeching to a complete halt.

“Come back,” he tries to demand, but his voice is too desperate, pathetic and breathy for it. His face is flushed the prettiest shade of red you’ve ever seen, and he hates it. His cock throbs needily between his legs even as you smile up at him, you goddamn tease. Precum beads at the tip, spreads over your skin as you nuzzle your cheek against it, worshipping his length, making him feel the most frayed he’s ever felt. Like an egg sizzling in a pan.

Like… like… he can’t even think! What a pathetic little mess you’ve made of him! The least you could do is take responsibility!

And you do, abet several moments later than he thinks appropriate. Your lips seal around his cock and your mouth takes him in deep, making him throw his head back and scream. Your aether swims around him richly and encompasses his every part, swaddling him in you, you, you, pushing him beyond what he can take.

His orgasm hits and he doesn’t even realize you’ve swallowed it all until he stops shaking. His eyes are blurry, tears streaming down his cheeks, lips parted around balmy breaths.

“I’m sorry,” you’re not, but that’s alright. Hades can hardly fault him when you’ve given so much to him already. You press your palm to his cheek and he leans into it, eyes shut, “I didn’t mean to tease. You’re just so cute! I can’t help myself.”

“That’s probably the worst excuse you’ve ever come up with,” Hades grumbles, pressing his hands to the mattress, pushing himself to sit up. You scoot back with the motion, giving him space. He misses your weight on top of him, but it’s a sacrifice worth making, “And you’ve come up with a more awful excuses than I can count on both hands,” nonetheless, he leans forward to kiss you, tongue running over your lips. You laugh into it and open your mouth for him, amused noises turning into moans as he finally, finally gets the opportunity to ravish you.

It’s better than he’d imagined it would be. Your cocksure attitude softens as his greedy hands all but tear the fabric from your body. Every inch of flesh revealed to him is another place for him to kiss and worship. You squeak when he sinks his teeth into your shoulder, shiver when his tongue wraps around a nipple. He coaxes the bud to stiffen by licking around it in circles, the other pinched and pulled lightly by nimble fingers.

“Hades,” you sigh, fingers running over his shoulders, rubbing some of the already bruising marks you’ve left, “Hades,” you say again, eyes shut, legs spreading as he makes his long-awaited descent down your body, throwing your robes open to reach the precious crux of your inner thighs.

It is there where he sings his song and makes his home, where he grows utterly enamored with the taste of you. The blue wisps of your soul twine around him and tremble. His hands press your hips to the mattress, keeping you in place as you withstand the full brunt of his love.

You squeal as your orgasm creeps up on you, the once steady ebb and flow of molten pleasure erupting along your nerves, making your legs shake and tighten around his head. Your honey on his tongue is a pure and rapturous benediction.

Your release gleams tantalizingly on his lips as he rises from his (rightful) place in between your legs. His eyes glint dark, face like a tiger slinking through the reeds as he straddles you. His hand presses to the mattress, besides your head whilst his other wraps around his cock. Moisture that had not been there before suddenly covers his erection. You raise your eyebrows.

“Making good use of your god-given creativity?” you jibe, and he hushes you by pressing his tip snuggly against your entrance. You cut yourself off with a whimper, eyes shutting, hips raising ever so slightly.

“Well, I’m having a grand old time with it, so I’d say so,” he purrs in reply, voice husky with arousal. You’re given not a moment to formulate a reply before his hips cant forward, cock sliding inside you with little to no preamble. Your eyes shut tight and your head falls to the pillow, hands running up his lithe arms to perch on his shoulders.

Your fingers scratch feebly, raising red lines along his pale skin. He’ll tease you about them later, he knows, but for now, he’s rendered speechless by the way your walls hug him so nicely. 

“I can’t believe it,” he utters quietly, beginning an agonizingly slow pace. He resists the temptation to shut his eyes, desperate to watch your face contorted in pleasure. Your lips open around squeals and moans, hips rolling to meet each pointed thrust. The hand not at the side of your head wanders down to the space between the two of you, toying with your most intimate place.

“Can’t believe what?” you sound clearly incredulous even when in the throes of pleasure. Your thighs strike against his hips, and it’s not long until you’re writhing desperately against him, encouraging him to go faster.

“That I get to bed someone so miraculous and brilliant,” he praises, nosing over your collarbone, pressing his lips so gently to your skin even as he drives you breathless.

“Hah!” you give a laugh that twists into a high-pitched squeal, “Flattery will get you nowhere!”

“It seems to have landed me in your bed. I would count that as ‘somewhere’,” he manages to keep his voice steady against the mounting pleasure that takes down his spine and through his nerves, striking him to his very core.

He’s merciful enough to remain silent until you cum underneath his gentle coaxing, your eyes shut and expression twisted into divine pleasure. He’s so grateful to have given this to you, he realizes, struck by your ethereal beauty. The blue of your soul twists and twines and flares, full of creativity and light that he wants to reach out and grab, and hold.

Only then does he allow himself to orgasm, pulling out to spill over your stomach. You whine and twitch, lips opening around a final sigh. Quiet lapses over the room, the sound of your soft breathing helping him down from the high.

His arm drapes over your chest, abdomen to your side, still desperate to feel your warmth in any way he can. The afterglow settled around you, aether a second layer of blankets.

“That was great,” you murmur once you’ve regained your bearings.

“I’m glad to have met your standards,” he replies with an amused little huff. His thumb rubs idle circles into your shoulder. He manages to keep his eyes open for another few, precious moments before they close, exhaustion beginning to tug at the back of his mind.

“You always meet my standards,” you press a kiss to his chin, the blankets shifting as you turn onto your side, “I just like to tease you, sometimes.”

“All the red marks on my latest blueprint don’t seem like teasing to me, but I’ll let you have it,” he says, and you don’t reply. A quick glance at your face tells him you’ve already fallen asleep. 

He should get up. He should fetch a warm cloth to clean you both off with. But sleep, like a fiend, bogs down his mind and makes his limbs sluggish. The warmth of you pressed to him is impossible to give up. He’ll wake up in ten minutes, he tells himself, but doesn’t bother reaching over to the night stand to set an alarm.

Warmth seeps throughout his entire body and he allows it to weigh him down, sluggishly lull him to sleep.

[palindrome17]

The Flowers that Grow in the Alleyway ♔ Hwang Hyunjin

Genre: friends to lovers au (i guess), slice of life, angst, fluff

Pairing: hyunjin x reader

Word Count: 7.1k

Warnings: swearing/cursing

Synopsis: It is said that the alleyway isn’t a good place to find people, but this time is different. When a troubled boy named Hyunjin crosses paths with you, things start to look bright. However, as time passes, feelings start to emerge. Could this lead to a chaotic disaster or perhaps a magnificent beauty?

The sound of typing on a keyboard for hours upon hours was starting to give you a headache. You looked out your apartment window to see that the sky was turning a light crimson color, as the sun’s rays came through, softly lighting your room with a red/pink hue. Your eyes started to hurt from staring at a screen for hours, so you decided it was time for a break. You closed the laptop quietly and laid it down at the foot of your bed. The unusual stillness of the city was almost jarring to you. Most of the time the city is bustling and busy, but today felt rare. The calm and still atmosphere almost made you forget that life for you sucks at the moment. All of it seemed to consist of deadlines, taxes, jobs, money, and things that completely weigh you down. You glanced around at your bare room, remembering that you have little to nothing due to shortage of money. The phone beside you made a loud buzz, snapping you out of the trance. You saw that it was a message from your mother.

 Mother: It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you. I hope you’re doing okay. Studying must be very stressful for you but remember that getting a job that makes money is important.

 You took a long and deep sigh, as you stared at your phone. Your mother wasn’t helping your situation of feeling burdened, even if she was trying to help.

 You: Yes, mother. I understand. I meant to call you before, but things aren’t going the way I want to right now. Studying has been really stressful and-

 You paused and started to hold down the delete key. You didn’t want to show her that you couldn’t make it. Even when you were younger, people have always told you that you were a strong person. So, in return, it made you independent… and isolated.

 You: Yes, mother. I understand.

 The sound of a message sent rang clear in your room. You set down your phone on your puffy bedsheets as you rested your head against the headboard. Eyes closed as you basked in the quietness of your room, feeling the slight heat radiating from outside.

 Although not much time has passed when you heard a loud thud sound, followed by someone’s loud cursing of an array of colorful language, “Fuck! Shit! Damn!” all in that order.

 Your heart jumped from the sudden noise, as you were almost too scared to peer out your window to see who it was. You waited patiently, hoping that the person would continue to walk on. However, that wasn’t the case. It seemed like it was never the case for you. The loud noises continued as the person kept getting frustrated. What the hell is going on? You slowly got up out of your bed, curiosity slowly peaking interest. You at least wanted to know if they were okay. The crack of your window being pulled up caused the other person to suddenly stop the commotion. You stepped out onto the fire escape and peered off down to the alley; hands placed on the railing, looking at the guy from down below.

 “Um, excuse me? Are you okay?” you asked the person from below.

 You were only on the second floor of the apartment complex, so you can easily see who was making the commotion. It was a guy who seemed to be frustrated beyond belief, but as he looked up, he was startled. You noticed that his jet-black hair was awry, probably due to getting all upset. His eyes were dark like black coffee, although you could see in his eyes that he was hurting. Lips plump, almost to a pout, but turned down like he was about to cry. To you, he looked like a sad cat. The soft crimson rays turned to a light pink hue and saturated every object that it could touch, giving the boy a dim pink glow around his edges. You can only blink as you saw this hurt guy from down below, waiting for his response.

 “Fuck off! What do you want?!” he yelled up to you, obviously distressed that you witnessed him almost lose it.

 You slightly jumped due to his response, but you knew how to handle people like this, “Well I’m sorry that I just wanted to see if you were okay.” You said with a slight hint of sass in response, however not wanting to be too harsh to a guy who looked so miserable.

 The guy still had an angry demeaner plastered on his face, “The fuck you say! You don’t even know me!” he said through gritted teeth.

 You nodded in response, taking in what he said, “That’s true. But I know a hurting person when I see one. I can’t just let someone be so unhappy, even if I don’t know them.” You paused and tried to give him a reassuring smile, “I guess that’s just who I am.”

 “I don’t give a damn who you are. Mind your own business!” he spat, clearly still angry, and not wanting you to know anything about his life.

 You gave a slight sigh, this fucking guy, “If you didn’t want to talk to me, you could’ve just walked away already.” you smirked slightly, knowing damn well you’re right.

 He narrowed his eyes to you, “Don’t fucking talk to me like you know better.” He stated, but you could hear his small voice crack at the end of the sentence.

 Your expression softened as you took a small breath, “You’re right. I don’t know a damn thing.” Swinging yourself up onto the railing of the platform, “But there’s no need to be perfect, we’re all just human.” You stated with a calm tone.

 The boy frowned, “What the hell do you mean?! You know nothing! Stop trying to think you fucking know anything about me! You’re so frustrating!” his voice becoming raspier and drier with each word.

 You tilted your head slightly, “The fact that you think I’m frustrated says more about you than me, don’t you think?” You asked slowly.

 The boy then fell apart right then and there. His small whimpers echoed in the alleyway. He crumpled like paper onto the ground as he leaned against the wall, his cries getting louder. His legs pulled tightly against his chest as his hands ran through his hair. You could tell he was trying his hardest to hold back, but to no prevail. You slowly got off the railing and walked down the stairs to comfort the boy, not knowing how he’ll react. Your feet made a loud thud as you stepped on the ground, making him try to hide himself as much as possible. You looked at the crying boy in front of you and sat on the ground next to him. His cries became softer as you just sat beside him quietly. You tucked your legs to your chest and rested your chin on your knees, looking straight ahead. The sun slowly dipped down below the city buildings, the sky still stained with the light pink color.

 Breaking the silent crying, you said gently, “Life fucking sucks, don’t you think?”

 The boy raised his head as he turned to look at you, his face tear stained and eyes red, “Yeah, it really does.” He shakily replied.

 You gave him a small comforting smile, “What’s your name?”

 He gave a slight sniff and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, “My name is Hyunjin.”

 “Nice to meet you, dumpster cat.” You teased, trying to make him laugh.

 Hyunjin cracked a smile, “Nice to meet you too, kitten.” he laughed.

 Ever since that day, Hyunjin walked down the alleyway to see you. You never really knew why since there was really no other reason to come this way. However, he soon became a friend of yours, something that you haven’t had in a while. It’s been a few months since the first day you met Hyunjin, and between those months there was laughter, crying, and everything else in between. Each day with Hyunjin made every day more tolerable and each day you spent with Hyunjin, he felt wanted.

➵

You were sitting in your chair at your desk, staring at your laptop with a dead expression. Studying has become more difficult for you, partly due to stress and mostly due to Hyunjin. You spent most of your time with him because he seemed to always be around with you. Not that you’re complaining or anything, he just makes studying harder for you. He became someone who was important to you, nevertheless. So very important. Though, if you were completely honest, you started having feelings for him. It would never work out, you told yourself constantly, so you pushed down those feelings. Snapping out of your daze, you closed your laptop and leaned your head back, so you were looking at the ceiling. The lights of the city beamed brightly against the void of the night sky. Surprisingly you can still see the city lights through your closed blinds. You stood up and turned on your fairy lights, trying to get a night vibe as you started to play your favorite slow songs through your small speaker. Suddenly, your phone started to buzz, and you picked it up to see who it was. To no surprise, it was the devil himself. You answered the call as you put it up to your ear, the song still playing in the background.

 “Hey. What’s up?” you asked, genuinely confused why he called you.

 “Nothing much. I was wondering if um…” he paused, he seemed nervous to you, “if you would like to hang out with me tonight? Just to take a walk around the city.” He finished, saying the last few words rather quickly.

 You paced a little as you thought about it, “Are you asking me on a date then?” you teasingly asked, almost hoping Hyunjin would say yes, “Cause it sure sounds like it.”

 A long pause was received until Hyunjin finally spoke, “Do you want it to be a date?” his voice sounding sheepish to you.

 A smile pulled at your lips, “I guess so~” you replied with a slight hint of sass, you could almost feel the joy radiating on the other side of the phone.

 “Okay, it’s a date then. I’ll meet you in the alley in 10 minutes,” he spoke quickly, “kitten.” He added and hung up before you had a chance to react.

 Suddenly your face became hot. Nicknames weren’t this much of a deal to you, since you also have a nickname for him. Though, this time it felt different. All the other times it was just for fun and jokes, but this time it felt real. You quickly turned off your music as you prepared for Hyunjin to arrive. There wasn’t too much to do since you were already dressed nicely, so you decided to put on a little makeup for the time being. 10 minutes have passed as you sat on your bed, checking your phone occasionally. Unexpectedly you heard a stone being thrown at your window. It made you jump at first, but then your nerves calmed down when you realized it must be Hyunjin. This was one of several way of letting you know that it was him. This little brat could’ve texted me instead. He’s such an idiot. You thought as you quickly put on shoes and opened your window. Still not realizing that you came out, he kept throwing stones at the window. One hit you right on the arm as you closed your window.

 “Damnit, Hyunjin. I’m right here! You can stop now!” you yelled down to him.

 Hyunjin audibly dropped all the stones in hand, “Oh, sorry. Just wanted to make sure you were awake.” He paused for a moment, “I could’ve texted you that I was here, but there’s no fun in that.” He laughed.

 You rolled your eyes as you came to the ground level, “My god, you are such a child sometimes, Jinnie.” You playfully added his nickname at the end.

 “Like you’re one to talk.” He rolled his eyes dramatically, “You’re just as much of a child than me!” he argued.

 You could only smile at him, “Fine, whatever you say. Let’s go while the night is still young.” you took his hand and pulled him as you stepped out into the city lights.

 You walked around the city for what seemed like hours, doing random activities when you two spotted something to do. It seemed like everything was a dream, so blissfully perfect. Utterly, stupidly, chaotically perfect. You made it to a bridge where the trees hovered over like clouds, the city lights in this part of the area were less luminated, the running stream below cooed softly, and the scarcity of people around was almost alarming. This felt uncannily perfect. Hyunjin stood right beside you as you simply stared off into the city. You let out a sigh as the wind blew the air out of you, getting lost in the feeling of complete calmness. You felt a nudge from your side as it broke you back to reality, looking at Hyunjin, you almost forgot how to speak. The low lighting made his features blend nicely, hair almost to the point of messy, and lips so irresistible it should be a crime. You had to admit, Hyunjin was so beautiful, it was an absolute mystery why he kept coming around and hanging out with someone like you. Though, everything about Hyunjin is a complete mystery.

 “Are you okay? You were just staring at me while I was talking to you.” He laughed, noticing you almost creepily stare at him.

 Your heart began to beat faster, “I’m fine! I’m sorry, its just that um…” you were at a loss of words, your mind quickly trying to find an excuse.

 “C’mon, I know what’s up.” He lightly pushed your shoulder, “I’m just too handsome that everyone seems to be distracted by me.” He gave a signature smile as he combed his hair back with his fingers.

 A laugh erupted from you, “Absolutely not.” You shook your head, “I mean, I’m not going to tell you how to view yourself, but handsome isn’t part of it.”

 Hyunjin pouted, “Why’re you so rude to me? What have I done to deserve this hate?” he whined.

 You chuckled, he’s such a child, “It’s not that I’m rude to you, it’s just how I show my affection, Jinnie.”

 “Oh, I see now. You do care about me then~” he said with a playful tone.

 You rolled your eyes and glanced down at the ground with a smile, “Idiot. I do care about you. Maybe just in a peculiar way, I suppose.” You looked back out into the city to take in the view.

 You could feel Hyunjin stare at you as he kept quiet. You always wondered what was going on in his head, because sometimes it was really questionable. You didn’t dare look back at him because you were too embarrassed to face him again.

 He finally spoke, “Are you okay?” he asked, genuinely concerned, “I can tell something has been bothering you for the past few days. If there is anything, please tell me.” He begged in a pleading manner as he took your hand in his on the rail.

 Your heart began to sink as you tried to come up with a way to tell him, but nothing came to mind, “Honestly,” you coughed out, retreating your hand from his, “I don’t even know myself. Things have been so hard for me recently that I’ve been so worn down by trying to do good.” You fessed up, giving him almost a hauntingly calm, sad expression.

 You could tell the look on his face that he was hurt by the expression on your face and the words that were said, “You know I’m always here for you. Even if we haven’t known each other for that long,” he paused, thinking carefully about his next words, “I feel like, a connection between you and me. Like, we understand each other.”

 You nodded slowly, “Yeah, I feel the same way too. Thank you, though. I know that you’ll always be with me.” You looked back out into the city, “If we’re being honest here, I don’t think I’ve ever asked you what your situation was back in the alleyway, the first day I met you. Why were you there?” you asked hesitantly as you turned towards him.

 “Well,” he started, “There has been some family issues recently, and I found out some things that I… don’t even like to think about right now.” He said slowly, glancing around as he spoke, never directly looking you in the eyes, “I stormed out of the house, not really knowing where I was going. Somehow, I ended up in your alleyway, and that’s where I was at my breaking point.” He paused and looked at you directly, “Though, it wasn’t all bad… because that’s where I found you.” Hyunjin ended as he gave you a ghost of a smile.

 Your brain couldn’t come up with any words to tell him. You were glad that he told you his problems, but did he also just tell you that he was happy to find you? Your heart almost gave out when you heard him say those words. The night air breeze went through your body as you just stood there, looking at this beautifully problematic person, as you just wanted to tell him everything you felt about him, but physically unable to tell him. The trees answered with rustling against the river’s comments. Hyunjin stared at you, looking like he was about to tear up, anticipating for a response from you.

 “Hyunjin, I’m sorry about what’s happening.” You finally spoke against the wind, “I just want you to know that I’ll never leave you, never. Not now, not ever.” You gave him your best smile in the moment.

 You could tell that gave Hyunjin a sense of relief as he relaxed a bit, though still having an aura of sadness against him. The silence between you and Hyunjin was almost frightening, however, there was a sense of relaxed serenity. You could’ve stayed in the moment forever if you could. Through all the chaos of banter, you suddenly felt a wave of tiredness. Feeling the effects of sleepiness was apparent to Hyunjin as he chuckled under his breath as you yawned and rubbed your eyes.

 “What?” you asked drowsily, “I’m just tired.” You stated as you looked at Hyunjin with sleepy eyes.

 “Do you think you can make it home?” Hyunjin asked as he took you by the arm.

 You nodded in response, trying to walk back, but tiredness caught up to you too quickly, “Jinnie. I don’t think I can walk anymore. My legs are dying out on me.” You complained as you dragged your feet.

 Hyunjin only laughed at the state you were in, which was different from what he was used to, “Here, I’ll carry you then. I’ll give you a piggyback ride~” he offered as he bent down a little, offering to carry you.

 You gave out a little giggle, “I told you. You’re definitely the child here.”

 “Do you want a ride or not? Cause I’ll just leave you here.” He jokingly replied with a wide smile.

 You pouted, “No, don’t leave me. I wanna ride.” As you jumped up on his back.

 You felt weightless as your feet lifted off the ground, it felt like you were floating. You held onto Hyunjin’s shoulders as he started to walk back to your apartment. Though, slowly getting tired, you rested your arms loosely around his neck and eyes feeling heavy like rain clouds, you leaned forward against Hyunjin’s back. The lights of the city between your dazed eyes looked like little yellow fuzzy circles, a light laugh emerged from your lips.

 Hyunjin turned his head slightly to the side, “What’s so funny back there?”

 “Just the lights. That’s all.” you mumbled as you started to close your eyes.

 You only heard an audible sigh, but you felt a smile form on Hyunjin’s lips as he continued to walk on. Eyes starting to close, you soon dozed off into a light sleep.

 You felt a slight jerk to your side as you woke up from the light nap. You looked around to see that you’re back in the alleyway, safe and sound.

 “Thank you for taking me all the way back here. You must be tired.” You looked at him while getting off his back.

 Hyunjin bent his back as he stretched, “No problem. Anything for you, kitten.” He replied with a smile.

 You let out an airy laugh, still tired, “Well, I had a really great time with you, Jinnie.” You weakly smiled back, “I suppose this is where our adventure ends, huh?”

 Hyunjin nodded solemnly, “I suppose so…” he glanced at you, then down the alley, “I guess I should be heading on then. I’ll text you when I’m safe.”

 “Please do.” you said as you ascended the stairs to your window, every so often glancing down to Hyunjin walking down the alley.

 For some reason, seeing him leave made you anxious. Maybe it was because its late, or maybe because you worry about his safety, or maybe just because you don’t want him to leave. Hyunjin looked back to give you a wave and a smile as he started to get out of range. It was late, people were sleeping, but that didn’t matter to you.

 You peered over the railing as you yelled his name, “Hyunjin! Come back here!” You soon saw Hyunjin run back down the alley as you walked down the stairs as fast as you could.

 Hyunjin arrived at the bottom of the stairs, taking a breath, as you were on the middle of the staircase, looking down at him. He looked at you concerned and confused.

 “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?!” he started walking up the staircase right up to the step below you.

 You could only feel your heart against your ribcage, your heartbeat pumping loud in your ear, “Just stay in my apartment. You have a far walk back, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” You stated as you looked at him.

 Hyunjin gave you a questionable look, “You want me to stay in your apartment, with you?” he said slowly, seeing if he understood your request correctly.

 “Yeah,” you said softly, “I just…” your mind was drawing a blank as you looked at him.

 Hyunjin smiled, “Thanks. I’ll stay for the night, I suppose.”

 You reciprocated a smile as you turned and walked back up the stairs. You could hear Hyunjin walking closely behind until you got to your window. You slid up the window as it made a loud creaking noise, your curtains swaying from the light breeze from outside. You slipped in as you quickly glanced around your room to see if there was anything embarrassing that needed to be put away before Hyunjin had a chance to make fun of you. Thank god that everything was put away, though. You exhaled happily as you heard your window being closed and shut. You turned around to see Hyunjin glancing around your room, the pale soft fairy lights of your room gave him a dark shadow with a small halo outline. Damn, why does he have to be so attractive.

 “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever been in your room.” Hyunjin said as he was walking around your room, looking at everything.

 You sat on your bed, “Yeah, because I didn’t have a reason for you to come in my room.” You replied as you watched him look around.

 Hyunjin smirked at you as he stood across from you, “Yeah? Maybe you should have some reasons for me to come in then.” he grabbed you chair and sat down on it.

 You knew exactly what he meant, but that wasn’t going to get under your skin, “Fuck you, Jinnie.” You laughed as you threw a pillow at him, “Don’t even think about it.” You rolled your eyes at him.

 Hyunjin caught the pillow as he hugged it, “I know, I know.” He laughed along, “Just wanted to tease you, kitten~”

 “Stop calling me that.” You gave him a look, almost sounding annoyed.

 “What… Kitten? Why? It’s adorable.” He gave you a big smile as he started to become a flirt.

 You sighed, “It’s not adorable.” you said, adjusting yourself on your bed, “Besides, don’t you have other friends to joke around with?”

 He became silent for a moment, thinking, “I do. But they’re not as fun to be around as you. I just really enjoy being around with you.” He confessed, almost shyly.

 Thank god that it was dark in your room, otherwise he would’ve seen the massive blush on your face. This was the only few times that he was almost shy to tell you things, but that made you happy to see him open up.

 “I really enjoy being around you too.” You replied with a bashful smile, “You really mean a lot to me, Hyunjin.” You admitted while looking away.

 “You mean a lot to me, too.” He smiled as he rubbed the back of his neck.

 You had an idea as you took out your phone as you turned on your favorite slow song. The music started playing through your small speaker as you got off your bed and stood in the middle of your room. You looked to Hyunjin, making a proposal.

 “Wanna dance with me?” you asked as the song continued to play.

 He stood up and slowly walked toward you, “Of course.”

 Hyunjin took you by the waist as he hugged his arms around them, pressing you close to him. You wrapped your arms around his neck, falling onto him. You leaned your head into his chest, hearing his steady heartbeat play along with the music, it made you calm down from the craziness of life as you held onto him. Rocking back and forth slowly, you embraced the moment you had with Hyunjin. The calmness of the music, holding Hyunjin in your arms, the stillness of the outside world, all of it seemed to be magnificently perfect. The song soon ended with its final strike of a note, though you still held onto him a little longer, not wanting to let go. A yawn escaped your lips as you felt tired, eyes feeling dense.

 Hyunjin let go as he looked at you, “You sound tired. We should probably get to bed, kitten.” He suggested as he led you back to your bed.

 You were too tired to object him as you finally felt the softness of your bed, “I told you not to call me that.” You tiredly complained to him as you crawled under the sheets.

 “Well, that’s too bad. Cause you don’t have a say on what I can call you.” He joked as he fixed the sheets on you, helping you get comfortable.

 You could only respond with a grunt as your brain started to go into auto pilot. Your sheets slowly warming your body as you felt yourself disconnect with reality. You heard the faint noises of your chair being moved closer to you, and soon you felt a soft hand being placed on yours. You then felt lips being pressed delicately against your forehead. The bed sinking slightly near the edge, you could only assume that Hyunjin was staying with you in your room. The world went dead quiet as you slowly drifted out to the sea of void.

➵

You opened your eyes to see complete whiteness surrounding you. You looked around to see if anyone is around you, but there was no one. Suddenly, a thick smoke came out of nowhere as it engulfed you into an abyss of emptiness. Your heart began racing as you looked around frantically, yelling out into the nothingness, hoping that someone could hear you.

 “Someone! Please help me!” your voice became sore and dead.

 “Anyone! Save me, please!” still, no response.

 Your eyes became watery as you were starting to lose hope. Looking around once more, you saw something in the far distance. You started to run as fast as your legs could carry you, wanting out of this nightmare. The smoke wasn’t helping your vision as you ran faster with every step, almost falling over from running so fast. The figure soon started to look like a person as you ran closer to them. You soon realize who the person was. It was Hyunjin. Relief washed over you like a river as you approached him, out of breath.

 “Hyunjin! I thought I was all alone.” You said as you looked at him with a smile.

 You then noticed that it was Hyunjin, but it wasn’t really Hyunjin. Your smile soon faded as you saw a ghost of someone you knew. He looked grey and cold as you examined him. He was looking at the ground, not even noticing you were there. You roughly grabbed him by the shoulders and started to shake him.

 “What’s wrong with you?! Tell me!” you screamed at him, seeing that he was not okay.

 No response.

 “Hyunjin! Please tell me something! Anything!” you continued, your voice giving out.

 He slowly looked up from the ground. His eyes were dead, his body was hollow, his hair was unkept, his skin was pale, he didn’t seem like a person.

 “It’s all over, y/n. I’m leaving you. You mean nothing to me anymore. I’m done.” He spoke meaninglessly and flat with no emotion in his voice, “Goodbye.”

 You felt your heart sink to hear those words from him. Even if it wasn’t really Hyunjin. Those words. Those dreadful words that hurt you so badly to hear from anyone. You felt all alone. You were all alone. You felt him slip from your grasp as he walked away. You could only watch in pain as he vanished from sight. Your legs bolted to the ground; you couldn’t move anymore. You didn’t want to move anymore. You fell to the ground in agony as you screamed in pain, your throat raw, tears running down your face, completely and utterly turned into nothing. This was the end for you as the smoke covered you in fear. It was over. It was all over.

➵

You sat up in a heartbeat as you let out a scream. Dripping in a cold sweat, you frantically look around to see that you’re in your bedroom. Hyunjin’s head rose quickly to look at you with concern.

 “Hey, hey! Its okay. Its okay. You’re okay!” he started to tell you, “I’m right here. Don’t worry.” He said in a calm manner, trying to get you to do the same.

 You felt tears at the brink of falling as you looked at Hyunjin, remembering the nightmare. Tears started painting down your face as you felt getting flashbacks of what happened. Hyunjin quickly embraced you as he got on the bed and let you cry into him. He gently petted your head as you let it all out.

 “I – I had a nightmare… and-” you tried to explain to Hyunjin what happened, but you simply couldn’t, your words caught in your throat.

 He simply shook his head, “You don’t have to tell me. Just calm down. I’m right here.” he whispered.

 You calmed down some as you stayed silent in Hyunjin’s arms. Not knowing if you could ever tell him what happened. The city was alive and awake outside as your room stayed completely motionless. The silent tears falling reverberated against the walls as the fairy lights were a soft pale light. You breathed out quietly as you held onto Hyunjin, not ever wanting to let go of him.

➵

The cool breeze of night air whispered through the city. The dark void of the sky looked mesmerizing against the lit-up city. The stars above mimicking the lights down below, though faintly. Only a shade or two lighter portions of the sky was the last remnant where the sun went down over the horizon. You sat on the ledge of the apartment rooftop, legs dangling down as the view of the city was passing you by. These nights were your favorite because you got to disconnect from the bustling of life. These nights were becoming rare for you because you always had other things to do. These nights, you basked in the emotions you felt. You closed your eyes, listening to everything around you. The cars on the road, the people walking along the sidewalks, music playing in bars, the smell of food rising from the vents of restaurants, city life was never boring. You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket; you took it out as you saw the name on your screen. It was Hyunjin. You answered the phone, curious.

 “Hey. What’s going on?” you asked, looking around down at the city.

 “Oh, nothing much. I’m around the area and was wondering if you want to hang out again.” he sounded like he was in the streets because you heard talking in the background.

 You paused, looking around, “Sure. I’m on the roof of my apartment, so meet me there. The door should be opened, so just come in.”

 Hyunjin let out a laugh, “The roof? That seems dangerous for someone like you.” He teased.

 “Shut up, Jinnie. It’s perfectly okay.” You reassured him, “Unless you’re too much of a baby to come up here.” You challenged.

 Hyunjin scoffed, “I am not a baby!” he said defensively, “I’ll be over soon, kitten.” He hung up.

 You put your phone back in your pocket and waited for his arrival. You tried to tune into the quietness above the city, but to no prevail. The city was too loud for you to find the peacefulness you were searching for. The sound of footsteps approaching caused you to snap out of focus and quickly turn around to see that it was only Hyunjin. You loosened up a bit as he sat next to you, swinging his legs down beside yours. The silence between you and Hyunjin grew with each minute that passed.

 “Hey.” He finally spoke.

 “Hey.” You replied back, “So, what’s been going on with you today? I thought I heard some voices in the background when you called.” You asked as you looked at him.

 He gave out a light chuckle, “Oh, I was with my friends. We were all about to head back home, but I wanted to see you after we all left.” He explained, “They all were just loud and obnoxious if you ask me. They keep asking about you every time I call you.”

 You raised an eyebrow at him, “You talk about me around them?” you asked, “You better be saying good things about me!” you laughed as you lightly pushed him.

 “Of course, I do.” he laughed, “They actually want to meet you sometime. I only said yes if you were okay with it.” He gave you a hopeful smile.

 You thought about it, then smiled happily, “I’d love to meet them. I bet they’re as fun as you to be around.”

 Hyunjin rolled his eyes, “I guess fun could be a word to describe them.”

 You and Hyunjin let out a loud laugh together. Being around each other never use to be this strange, however, this night felt different. As the laughter died, you could only just look at him. The smile fading as you looked back out into the city.

 “Do you remember the day I had a nightmare?” you said suddenly, almost hauntingly as you remembered the events.

 He gave you a small nod, “Yeah. Why?” he asked, placing a hand on yours.

 “You were in my nightmare, and you told me that you didn’t want me anymore. That you were leaving me.” Your heart began to run out of your chest, “That I meant nothing to you. And you left saying goodbye.” Your eyes starting to tear up, remembering the scene vividly.

 You felt his head lean on your shoulder, “Y/n, I would never leave you. You know that, right? I would never say those things to you.” He spoke tenderly, trying to comfort you, his hand holding onto yours tightly.

 You could only nod, “Yeah. I know.” You whispered, “But it still hurt to hear it, especially from you.”

 “I know, but I want you to trust me that I would never say that to you. You mean way too much for me to say those things to you.” He spoke quietly as he continued to hold your hand.

 “What do I mean to you, then?” you asked, looking down at his puffy black hair.

 Hyunjin stayed silent, “You mean so much to me that words can’t truly tell you, kitten.” He confessed, “You mean everything to me.”

 Your eyes widened as you held onto his hands. His words echoing in your head, giving you butterflies in your stomach. You never thought that Hyunjin would say those cheesy things to you, but alas, here you are.

 “Thank you, Hyunjin. Really.” You smiled as you watched the cars pass by, completely ignorant to what is happening from above.

 A silent wave washed over you are you and Hyunjin watched the city moving along. You saw life passing you by, but it didn’t matter because you had Hyunjin beside you.

 “Jinnie. Have you ever thought about the future? What it’ll hold in store. How things will change.” You asked, a memory flowing back to when you had late night talks with a friend long ago.

 “Yeah, I have. Things are crazy nowadays.” He said, lifting his head from your shoulder.

 You chuckled lightly, “Crazy is an understatement. Life just seems to be passing me by lately. Like, I have no control over any of it anymore.” You explained all the things running through your head, “Sometimes I feel like I’m just floating down the river of life, just going through the motions. Some days I think I’m just missing out on things because I’ve been caught up with so much anymore.”

 “If you think that your life is passing you by, if you think that you’re missing out on things, I think you should just take a breath.” He spoke slowly, “I’ve been feeling it too recently. But I think if you feel like its all just passing you by, lets just do things. Do the things that scare us. Do the things that make life a little more pleasant.” He looked at you with a reassuring smile, “Besides, we’re in this together.”

 You smiled and laughed, “I guess so. Thanks for the advice.” You looked him in the eyes, “How is your family issue going?”

 “It’s still a problem right now. But in all honesty,” he looked out to the city, “I think its tolerable since I have you right beside me.”

 Your heart fluttered by those words as you smiled dumbly. He was such a flirt; it was almost stupid. You followed his gaze as you exhaled softly. Moments like these, you never want to let go. It was these moments that you cherished deeply. These were the moments that meant a lifetime to you. Though, there was something pulling at your heart to do.

 “Hey, Jinnie.” You asked as you faced him.

 He looked to you, “Yeah?”

 Your heart started to hurt, throat dry, words losing meaning, “I think I like you.” You confessed, heart beating so fast you thought you’d die, “Even if I haven’t known you for too long, I don’t think I could find anyone like you.”

 He simply stared at you, but then the unimaginable happened. You soon felt soft lips pressed against yours, it was sweet like honey but meaningful. You closed your eyes, reciprocating the feelings, words started becoming meaningless, the world slowly melting away. You pulled away, breathing lightly, looking at him with surprise.

 “I think I like you too, y/n.” he spoke with a smile.

 You laughed as you pushed him, “You could’ve told me that before you kissed me! You’re such a brat!” you yelled at him.

 Hyunjin only laughed, “Just be thankful that I like you. Otherwise I could’ve pushed you off right now!” he joked, looking down to the ground.

 “I would take you down with me then!” you pouted.

 He then smiled as he hugged you, “Yeah, sure. Okay.” He rolled his eyes.

 You grabbed his arm around you, “You’re awful, Jinnie.” you whined.

 He only gave a wide smile at you before he kissed your cheek. You blushed madly as you could only try to let him go of you.

 “Get off of me, Jinnie!” you complained.

 He shook his head, “No. Not until you apologize to me!”

 You sighed, “I’m sorry that you’re such a child compared to me!” you laughed as you insulted him.

 “I am not a child!” he hugged you tighter, “You’re the one who is a child!”

 You could only smile, “You’re so cute, Jinnie.” You soon felt him let go of you as you quickly gave him a peck on the cheek.

 Hyunjin took your hand in his and laced his fingers with yours as you looked out into the city. The world oblivious of what happened on the rooftop. Though, it didn’t matter to you. This is what life’s moments were to be filled with. Even if the world was to forget about you and Hyunjin, this moment was all that mattered. You smiled as you thought back to the memories you had with this boy. This handsome, problematic boy. It has been a while since you’ve felt this way about anyone, but you were happy it was him. You leaned your head onto his shoulder, locking your stare into the world below you. As you peered up into the sky, you saw the stars. They dimly twinkled as you saw them shine through the pollution of the life below. You melted into Hyunjin as you simply stayed in the moment. Everything was perfect. Through all the chaos of life, this was the moment you loved the most.

 “When the sun rises, will you still be here with me?”

 “Forever, my kitten.”

A/N:

 “The world is an insanely chaotic masterful beauty to behold. One day everything will be gone, the universe will carry on without us. The future will someday reminisce in our past, and hopefully smile thinking of us. Though, memories are who we are… and who’s to say we can’t try and live a better day.”

 Ahhhh! This is my first fanfic I’ve seriously written, and, in all honesty, it was really fun to write! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it~

 Lots of love ❤

[idga-buck]

use somebody || five

pairing: harry x plus-size!reader

word count: 1,800

warnings: mentions of sex, douchebaggery, and shitty attitudes toward women

summary: a night out has harry asking question he usually stays away from

challenge: @baezen​‘s the Other Guys Writing Challenge

previous // masterlist  // next

He didn’t know you. Not really. A one night stand, a handful of parties, one long yet entertaining car ride and most recently a clandestine tour of another man’s wine cellar that he’d definitely be thinking about later, but in reality you were still strangers to each other. He still didn’t want you to get the wrong idea. Now that he’s hustling down the winding walkway from Darius’ back patio to the street, he doesn’t waste time trying to figure out why he cares so much. 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he tried, kicking up his feet in a jog to catch up. The jingle of the chain clipped to his belt loop was louder out in the open and he self consciously tucked it into his pocket. He thought he heard you say you didn’t care, but you didn’t stop walking away from him either. “Would you look at me?” You spun quickly to face him and Harry nearly found himself putting the ass in asphalt as he tried not to plow through you. You’d caught him off guard and suddenly he wasn’t sure what to say. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Smooth.

After a few tense seconds, your hands dropped from your hips and dangled freely in a resigned posture. “I’m not hurt, Harry, you don’t owe me anything.” His immediate response was to argue, but he hardly knew what he disagreed with. “You’re a grown ass man, kiss whoever you want,” you shrugged. “Just because I’m not looking for a relationship doesn’t mean I wanna screw up someone else’s.”

“It isn’t a relationship,” he defended even though he believed you. You didn’t look upset. You didn’t look happy to see him either and he selfishly wanted that part back. Textbook people pleaser and he was kicking himself for it. “She calls me when she’s bored.”

“So you were bored?” You clarified and he didn’t like it. He didn’t kiss you because he was bored. He was bored, but he wanted to kiss you. That fact hadn’t changed since he met you. He might have forgotten for a moment, but the second he spotted you, it all came back to him. Not because he was bored. No.

“I didn’t say that,” he frowned awkwardly.

“You came out tonight… with a girl that only wants you when she’s bored.” Yeah, so? “Either you’re a gigolo or you were bored too.”

Harry was almost certain there was a wrong answer, but he wasn’t sure if there was a right one. You must have sensed his nervousness because the grace you offered in the form of a teasing smile felt like cool water splashed over his face, the fever instantly gone. Once he could breathe again, Harry grinned back and shoved his hands in his pockets, stepping up next to you as you resumed walking down the hill. “I’m not a gigolo.”

“Too bad,” you laughed and he knocked his hip into yours. You returned the gesture and he stumbled a bit off balance…. and now all he could think about were those hips, wider and clearly more powerful than his. He knew what it felt like to grip them tight. The term “for dear life” came to mind. But what else would they do to him if he was given the opportunity? He was more than a little eager to find out. 

“So…” he slurred, looking around the car lined street, significantly quieter than the house. “We’re not going back, right?”

“Right,” you laughed. Before he got the chance to suggest something stupid like going back to his place, you saved him from the embarrassment. “I’m starving,” you looked over your shoulder at him and Harry grinned back.

“I can always eat.”

He’d said it so confidently fine with spending more time with you, but he hadn’t expected to be standing in front of a fancy restaurant at 9:30 on a Thursday night. He certainly hadn’t padded his wallet for something like Taix when he left his apartment thinking he’d be dipping into a party and then out of that girl’s bed well before midnight. The only thing padding his wallet was a condom and unlike all of the cash folded behind it, it apparently would remain unused.

“No one just craves French cuisine,” he teased, hoping you’d agree and pull him away for a burger and fries.

“I do,” you quipped back, not even bothering to look at the menu. You were on a mission and as a waiter in a crisp white shirt and black bow tie approached, Harry guessed he was about to find out what it was. Short ribs and a beet salad. A weird craving. “I’ll never finish it all, so get something different and have some of mine.” It was a genuine offer, he could tell and he smiled back. A small, shy little quirk of the lips that made you frown and the smile fell away completely. He’d planned on offering to pay for your meal, but with the wine that was promised to be paired with the meal, it was going to be well over $50 for you alone. Beyond what he was able to swing that night.

“Uh, French onion soup looks good.”

“And for your entree?” The waiter probed. Shit. Harry looked back at the slick leather folder in his hands and realized he’d ordered from the Hors d’oeuvre menu. After hemming and hawing for too long, you politely asked the gentleman on your left to give you a few more minutes to decide and Harry was equally relieved and embarrassed.

“Ok... What’s the deal?”

“What do you mean?” Harry didn’t have to look across the table to know what you were getting at. 

“Get the Steak Frites, it’s good and you said you wanted fries,” you said simply, as if it was obvious. It was anything but. He tried to argue and you pushed back, but not rudely. It was a good place, you pulled him from his plans, he deserved something tasty to close out the night. All good and valid points. Harry didn’t have much by way of macho pride, but the miniscule amount he kept tucked away was a little sore anyways. 

“I can’t afford this place,” he admitted sharply before tucking his forehead into his hands, realizing that the surrounding tables had heard him. It wasn’t like it was shocking. He was wearing a leather vest and his shoes had distressed blue and white stars stitched above worn rubber soles that were more gray than white now. It wasn’t a fashion statement, it was just him. Clearly he didn’t belong there. He wished he could ignore that for you, for no other reason than wanting to see you again. The way the night was going, he wasn’t sure he’d get another chance. 

“You couldn’t afford to eat at the Roosevelt either, but you did,” you pointed out and he rolled his eyes.

“This is different,” he said through his teeth. He wasn’t mad, just uncertain. He couldn’t get his footing with you and it was frustrating. Yes he’d taken you up on your offer to linger at the expensive hotel after sex, but having dinner after a steamy make out felt different. He just hoped you wouldn’t ask him how since he had no clue. It just was.

You waited a moment, but when he didn’t have anything else to add, you nodded and waved the waiter back over to your table with a smile. You reached across the table and squeezed his forearm gently. Harry looked up from his shame and smiled back, still awkward but appreciative. Finally, you were leaving and he could stop making an ass of himself.

“Steak Frites,” you said and his eyes widened to the size of the dinner plates he couldn’t afford. You asked about cocktails and Harry knew his mouth hung open, having a conversation in code right in front of him about whiskeys he’d never even heard of. But you can’t make a real Old Fashioned out of Old Crow. Not in a place like this. Once the garçon was satisfied with the order, you turned to look across the table and held out your hand. “It’s on me, Harry. I was the one that wanted to come here, it’s only fair.” He took your hand and didn’t let go until he had to, dishes and drinks suddenly occupying the middle of the table and your attention.

Half way through the meal, which even Harry had to admit was the best he’d had in years, pride be damned, a stout gentleman in a heavy white coat emerged from the kitchen expressly to interrupt your meal. He planted a big kiss on each of your cheeks and Harry stumbled slightly while trying to stand with his hand outstretched. It was batted away and he received the same treatment, stiffening at the feel of a thick mustache against his cheeks. The conversation was short lived and that’s when Harry learned your secret to scoring tables at fancy French restaurants without reservations. You have to know the chef. Duh.

Once the conversation was just the two of you again, Harry felt more at ease, forgetting the venue and the price of the drink warming his rapidly filling belly. He didn’t feel out of place when it was just the two of you joking and sharing anecdotes like you had in the front seat of his car. It was surprising how easy it was. He was so pleased even the beets tasted better. Usually they were like chewy dirt discs to him, but off your fork, they were divine. Maybe it was the hand that fed him that was divine. Either way, the night ended too soon. The bill paid without him even pretending to reach for his wallet. The rip of Velcro against a faux Parisian backdrop would have been too much embarrassment and he was glad he hadn’t gotten the soup so his wallet could stay firmly tucked in his back pocket. You called a car like it was nothing and asked if he needed a ride after having walked from Darius’. He started to decline, but your face told him not to. He’d be a damn fool to deny himself a dark backseat with you pressed up against him, so he held the door for you and slid in until there was no room between you. Your head was a comforting weight on his shoulder and Harry had to remind himself that it wasn’t a movie. Or a real date. Or a date at all. What was this?

He didn’t get the answer before his apartment was pulling up on the right and he scowled at the balcony through the car window. Before he could reach his door, you leaned out the window, chin propped up on your folded hands to harass him once more, thank him for his company, and remind him to call you if he decided to run away from any other obnoxious parties. He told you to call him if you had any more cravings for expensive cuisine and were feeling generous. You laughed and waved before slipping back into your seat without another glance. The car drove off, taking you with it, and Harry stood on the sidewalk with his heart beating fast, wondering what the hell he’d gotten himself into.

[blackwoolncrown]

Genuine question, so I’m bi and even if I’m not out I’m still bi because I feel that attraction regardless if I’m in a relationship or not. But I recently realized I am very much non-binary, but I’m part of a very conservative, religious, middle eastern community in which I will always be perceived and treated as a woman. So, am I still non-binary? That’s not really the question I’m trying to ask. I’m just struggling with wanting to exist as I am beyond gender but not being able to

1. Being non-binary is a personal, internal feeling and has no bearing on whether or not people around you acknowledge this. That’s how gender works. This is why a woman with a body perceived as a ’man’ who is misgendered daily is still a woman. Our genders are ours, the struggle is having them validated and properly perceived by others who generally rely on gender norms and bioessentialism to interact w people.

2. I feel your struggle, evne down to the ‘this isn’t really what I’m asking’. Being nonbinary is very much a thing but it can be impossible to give language to because our entire language was written around binaries. We are constantly struggling to manifest and find in life an experience that we have tacitly been denied language to. We can work towards it and build it but it is not easy at all. I struggle with this constantly, and literally recently have been dealing with how this is playing out painfully in my own life. I do not have all the answers, but here’s my philosopy [TW: EXPLICIT DECONSTRUCTION AND INVALIDATION OF GENDER]

My background is esotericism and philosophy. While those things did not give rise to my internal feeling of being they did help structure and give it language which likely ‘fleshed it out’ a little bit. So that’s the disclaimer.

To put it in brief pretty much all core philosophies or enlightenment or religious mysticisms admit that the thinker must go beyond the world as presented and see through to its undifferentiated state. Gender being a construct is no new idea, but most people intellectually accept it and then refuse, outright or subconsciously, to actually apply that to their life and inspect where their identity is informed by gender and then actually divest themselves of it. It is said, in many ways, in many different schools of thought, that the essential, highest, or core of human being, of human consciousness is both genders, or undifferentiated in gender; concepts of gods and ideas as ‘male-female’ or genderless (like angels) abound. You being Middle-Eastern yourself may have an intimate knowledge of spiritual ideas of beings who have transcended gender. This concept is sometimes represented as embodied (male-female or genderless beings) or as transcending the body (having nothing to do with what form the physical body takes). Scientifically speaking, even the universe itself has been found to not work on a binary at all, but to be fundamentally quantum; that is, fundamentally emptiness (nothingness, undifferentiated-ness, openness) that only collapses (limits, manifests, chooses) once a point is perceived or made to interact with something else.

I don’t think this is simply a thought experiment or an end-goal of studious practice though that is one way to get there. I think this is the basic form of human consciousness and while gendered people can endeavor to arrive at this point through spiritual, religious or philosophical practice, there are plenty of us throughout history ( more here now due to the exposure of information perhaps) for whom ideas of gender construction didn’t ‘stick’ either because they made no sense (they fall apart at the slightest investigation) or because they cause pain (you know that feel).

While it is liberating to exist in this state, uninhibited by the limitations of a binary, this ecstasy and openness is removed whenever it is invalidated. Now, for a cis person this happens rarely because they live in a world that reinforces that their body and their gender are perceived socially as ‘correct’. When it does happen, they find it upsetting, but again it’s very infrequent. Enough that they can maintain a very rigid and unfractured sense of identity bound to their gender. They spend almost all of their time in a gender euphoria so present it becomes background noise. When trans people who are men or women exist in the world, their experience of gender invalidation can be much more common and much more distressing. Their gender euphoria comes from affirmation of their gender, and dysphoria is inflicted socially when they are misgendered. If you are the kind of nonbinary that you and I seem to be (which I must put this way because not all of us have the same experience of gender though most of us have a same experience of struggle), gender euphoria is much more fleeting because any assignation of binary gender feels limiting and confusing. Rare euphoria comes when we see or experience a ‘mixedness’ or ‘completeness’ that is very very hard to depict or express so we don’t get it often. Dysphoria comes whenever gender is assigned; there is no ‘correct’ one because very few people understand us– we ourselves largely are denied language to even explain it to them, and ears that listen!! There are no channels we can go down to have our gender affirmed because it is our lack of gender specificity that feels most comfortable, yet this is an entirely gendered society where the idea of a person is gendered by default and almost always tied to some aspect of the body.

I think that a problem we face is that to actually understand our undifferentiated/quantum gender state, people would have to accept an entire deconstruction of gender which, as an idea, may be abrasive to their sense of identity. Gender is a metaphysical construct- i.e. it is nowhere to be found in the physical body. People who are attached to the mental security their sense of binary gender gives them do not want to hear that their gender is just an idea they have assigned meaning to.

 I find it frustrating because it’s not particularly hard IMO to not do this: to understand each other not as men or women or gendered at all but to see our habits and needs and ways of life as being valid because we are human, human animals seems very easy and I wish people could do that more often. If I am nurturing that is not because I am a woman, because men can nurture too, can’t they? It is because I am human and the human species exhibits nurturing behaviors. If I am obstinate at times, it is not because I am being masculine, it is because human beings can exhibit bullheadedness and irritation at times. So on for desire, kindness, selfishness, resourcefulness, kinship…We do not need to gender these things for them to be real! But because we have, people are kind of stuck on that, despite the fact that the gender of certain attributes and behaviors can differ from society to society! If there is gender, it is always in relation to its opposite- men are not masculine and women are not feminine- men are masculine dominant and women are feminine dominant. The gender ideas should always be coupled into a whole, but I digress.Another question I raise myself and you may have wondered is if this is nonbinariness or the frustrating alienation of being perceived and treated as a woman, for surely discomfort with the gender identity of ‘woman’ is, ironically, quite common in womanhood. My answer is that, much like bisexuality, people considered women are much more likely to allow internal questioning to dissolve gender binaries or rigid gender role expectations because in a patriarchy, men’s gender brings benefits and women’s gender brings none. We don’t get anything really great out of the deal, and so we’re less likely to stick around and accept it. That doesn’t invalidate the fact that we’re nonbinary, because again ‘nonbinary’ isn’t specifically a ‘third’ or ‘other’ gender– it’s an experience of being that exists outside of the gender binary completely. It is the experience of finding gender as a concept too small to fit into.

You can be nonbinary in and of itself, and you can also be a nonbinary woman- a woman who identifies with the experience of womanhood but whose concept of womanhood is other than that of binary gender. It’s up to you. I sometimes use this designation but it is largely social- an admission that while I do not fully identify with it, I am born into womanhood and am experiencing life perceived as a woman, yet form a non-binary internal position.You in this moment are deeply nonbinary. It is not a fashion, it is not an outward expression. It is a deep inner presence and experience of unboundedness, unfixedness, and vague, undifferentiated immensity. It is, in my opinion, too big and ineffable to fit into any box, any outfit, any name. And so in this world we may find it difficult to interact with others who are always attempting to collapse us into gender, to cut us down to a digestible size, to see only tiny bits of us at a time. It is frustrating. To be honest I flirt every day with the idea of giving up and going to a monastery but I know good and well that monasteries, too have their gendered ideas for all their sweet talk of transcendance. 

I wish I had sweeter words to offer but still, yes you are nonbinary. You are what you are before people perceive you and regardless of whether they are capable of seeing you in fullness or not. That cannot be taken from you.

[pastel-garbage-does-art]

Breakfast Invitation

Hey!! This is my first time posting a fic to Tumblr-- but I’m hecka proud so... :)

This is an entry I wrote during this weeks writing challenge in a discord server I’m in! I hope you like it, and if you want me to post more fics here as well I might start doing that :D

Trigger Warnings -- slightly unsympathetic Roman, anGst... tell me if I missed something and I’ll add it!

Ship -- Hints at Moceit, but is up to your perception.

Plot -- Janus gets another visit from Patton after his name reveal, and makes a deal he may not regret after all... maybe mornings are more of his thing now.

Breakfast Initiation

Janus ran a hand through his hair, sighing quietly. He set his hat on the dark oak nightstand, then thought back to when he revealed his name. While it was reassuring to have Thomas trust him for now, it still hurt that practically none of the others did.

He shook his head, laughing dryly before taking his capelet off and tossing it in the general direction of his closet. He heard a knock at his door and immediately knew by the softness who it was.

"Come in, Patton." He mumbled, looking over his shoulder to see the door open slowly.

Patton peeked his head in, then gave a small smile and a wave. "Hey, Janus."

Janus took his gloves off, and indicated with one hand for Patton to actually come into his room as he set them on top of his hat. "Hello, do you need something? Or do you just enjoy my company?" He joked with a smirk, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh," Patton closed the door quietly, then walked over to look at Janus nervously, "Well, I kinda got the sense you were having some... icky feelings." He fidgeted with his cardigan sleeves, waiting for a reply. But Janus was slightly speechless. It'd been so long since anyone had genuinely asked how he felt, and he didn't know how to reply.

"No... must be someone else." He smoothed back his hair with one hand, smiling. He faltered as Patton crossed his arms.

"Janus, don't lie to me right now. Please." His firm tone softened, "I know I haven't, well, been the best towards you in the past," he ignored Janus' small huff of disbelieving laughter, "but I do mean it when I say that I'm worried. I haven't felt such a strong wave of negative emotion from anyone since I met Virgil."

"Are you done with the self-righteous speech?" Janus muttered, raising a brow. He could've been mistaken, but he swore that Patton flinched, a flash of hurt in his eyes. "We both know I'm fine." He didn't mean to sound so harsh, but he was tired of Patton suddenly trying to be a saint. It was probably the fifth time this week, and it was only Wednesday mind you, that Patton had casually 'dropped by'.

"Janus-- I really do mean it! Won't you just talk to me? I've apologized, and I know I was wrong, so come on!" Patton raised his voice, surprising both of them. "I didn't mean to yell, I'm sorry." He whispered, glancing down at his wrist as he messed with his bracelets.

Janus let out a breath, "Okay. If I tell you how I'm feeling, will you stop?" Patton hesitated, then nodded meekly. "Fantastic. Yes, I feel 'icky', but you shouldn't be surprised. I finally reveal that I'm not trying to do anything awful or be a bad guy, but now I feel more hated than ever." He leaned down slightly, glaring, but not necessarily intending it to be directed at Patton alone. "And now I have someone who keeps coming to my room to see if I'm..." he trailed off, the heat dying in his words as he realized something, mumbling the last part, "okay."

God, he was an idiot. Patton was Morality. Why would he of all people come here to mock him by pretending to care? He wouldn't. Turns out he just has such high built walls that he automatically assumed Patton was out to get him by worming his insecurities out of him.

"Oh. I see." Patton said quietly, looking away. "Well, we had a deal so... I'll see you around." The now-defeated side turned away, and suddenly a flood of guilt rushed at Janus. He grabbed Patton's hand, gripping it tightly, "Please, Patton, don't leave." He choked, desperation in his voice. Tears were welling up in his eyes now, and he realized just how badly he'd wanted someone to reach out to him all this time.

"I thought you didn't want me here.", Patton replied, sounding bitter but looking surprised. It was more a statement than a question, considering Janus had pretty much indirectly said as much.

"How could you ever think that?" Janus brought Patton close to his chest, hugging him and mumbling into his hair.

"Well, you made it pretty clear before." He replied, not pushing away, but not hugging back either.

"I... I'm sorry Patton. This whole time you've been trying to be nice to me, and I thought it was a trick. I'm so used to being on my own that I tried pushing you away so I didn't have to get hurt." He pulled back just enough to look at Patton face-to-face. "And in doing so I hurt you, didn't I?"

Patton frowned, then nodded, suddenly teary. He hugged Janus back, hiding his face in his shirt out of embarrassment. "I just want to do my best to right my mistakes, Janus. I know I've treated you bad, and the others have too..." He looked up at him, "I think if they see that I'm okay with you, they'll start to be nicer."

Janus sighed, "Alright. How about a new agreement?" He offered with a small smile. Patton was a bit hesitant given the first 'deal' they made, but nodded, looking up at him and wiping at his eyes under his glasses. "From now on I'll stop pushing you away, and I'll come to whatever breakfast or hangout you invite me to instead of refusing. And in return, I just ask you to be honest to me too and... be my friend."

Smiling, he could tell Janus was a bit nervous about his request. Patton nodded again, but this time he wasn't hesitant. "Silly, you don't have to ask me to be your friend with a deal. I already want to be!" It was a bit surprising to Janus as to how much that relaxed him, but they were both glad that they finally got over things. "Well, I guess now that we've agreed on that..." Patton grinned mischievously.

"Oh no, what are you thinking?" Janus narrowed his eyes, speaking in a mostly playful tone.

"Join us for breakfast tomorrow?" Patton gave him little puppy eyes, making him sigh and smile. So it was true that nobody could say no to that look, huh?

"Alright, I'll see you then."

"Yes! Patton~ did a good thing~!" Janus laughed, and a second later Patton followed suit with little giggles. "Night, Jan." Seeing the taller side's surprise, he quickly added, "Sorry, I won't call you that if you don't want me to."

At this point, they'd separated from the hug, so he put an ungloved hand on Patton's shoulder and smiled. "No, it's okay. As long as I get to call you Pat." He teased.

"Okay!" Patton beamed, making Janus melt a bit. "See ya then!" He left, still smiling warmly.

"Here goes nothing." Janus sighed, shaking his head fondly before getting ready for bed.

                                              ★★★★★★★★

That morning Janus went down to the living room, looking around a bit as he didn't usually get the chance to see the difference between the real world one and the one the 'lights' occupied.

"Jan!" He nearly jumped out of his skin, whipping to look at the kitchen. Ah, it was just Patton.

"Good morning Pat," He walked over to the kitchen, leaning in the doorway and smiling, "What smells so good?"

Patton beamed, "I'm making pancakes! They have blueberries in them too." He turned back to the stove to check on the one currently in the pan, then flipped it.

"Sounds good." Janus pushed off the wall and began walking over to Patton to see if he wanted help, but was hit in the side of the head with a projectile pair of headphones. "Ow--"

"Why Is HE here?" Hissed a voice from the living room. Janus picked the headphones up from where they had fallen to the floor with a gloved hand, then looked up to see Virgil glaring at him.

"Ah, Virgil, morning. I think you dropped something." He held up the headphones to show, and smirked.

Patton glanced nervously between the two, then smiled at Virgil. "Now, Kiddo, that wasn't very nice. I invited Janus to have breakfast with us, so please apologize."

Virgil opened his mouth to argue, then let out a frustrated huff. Nobody could argue with Patton over something like this, so he begrudgingly muttered, "Sorry."

"It's alright." Janus shrugged, not in the mood to fight with him. This took Virgil by surprise, so he just stared as Janus walked over and held the headphones out. He honestly already felt out of place, so he wasn't about to give a reason to be shunned again, even if he wanted to make a mean-spirited remark.

"Okay," Virgil replied in an annoyed tone, snatching the headphones from Janus' hands and putting them back on, crossing his arms and sitting on the couch.

Janus sat at the dining table, Patton having added a fifth chair for him. He idly waited, fiddling with his gloves before looking up at Logan, whose footsteps had paused in the kitchen doorway suddenly. "Hello." He mumbled, waving.

"Janus. Good morning, I was not aware you'd be joining us this morning." Logan walked over to the table, sitting in his spot and closing his book.

"Oh, Patton invited me last night."

"So you finally stopped rejecting his attempts to talk to you." Logan scoffed, not trying to be mean, but most definitely having been annoyed when Patton whined in distress to him.

"... That I did." He looked down at his hands on the oak table, and they fell back into silence, the only sound being Patton humming as he finished cooking.

Logan finally spoke again, looking up from his book to realize he made the other more uncomfortable than he already was. "Janus, do excuse me, I didn't mean to be rude. It's only that I've seen how upset Patton was every time you rejected his attempts. I still am 'on the fence' about you, but if he has invited you to join us then it is illogical for me to intervene."

Janus smiled slightly, "Thanks, Logan." The other only nodded, fixed his glasses, then continued reading.

"Alrighty, everyone!" Patton beamed, making the three in the room look at him. "Breakfast is ready!" He put the plated pancakes at all five spots at the table, then looked around. "Where's Roman?"

"No clue," Virgil mumbled, walking into the kitchen and sitting in his chair, Logan thankfully sitting between him and Janus to prevent any bickering.

"It is likely he simply woke up late. I heard him singing whilst writing down ideas late last night, so it must have taken a toll." Logan stated as he set his book aside and picked up his fork.

"Well, if he doesn't come down in a few minutes I'll go get him. Poor kiddo must be tired!" Patton sat down, and they all began eating in relative quiet, occasionally talking or asking Patton if he added something to his recipe. Janus smiled a bit. Sure, Virgil was still upset at him, but it was nice to spend the morning around others and eat something that wasn't days old or burned. Neither he or Remus were very good cooks, and food poisoning was common with them.

Roman finally bounded into the kitchen, "I have arrived! Excuse my lateness, I was getting extra beauty sleep!" He went and sat at his seat, and Janus watched him while continuing to eat, wondering why he hadn't said anything to him.

"Great, now I have to look at Princey's face?" Virgil teased, rolling his eyes.

"Haha, very funny Panic! At The Everywhere." Roman shot back, picking up his fork.

"Good morning, Kiddo!" Patton smiled at their banter, standing up to take his and Logan's plates as they'd both finished eating already.

"Morning Patton--" He cut himself off as he noticed Janus and stood up abruptly, literally whisking out his sword to pointing it at Janus, who leaned away a bit, dropping his forkful of pancake back onto his plate. "Caution! The Reptilian Rapscallion has infiltrated our kitchen!"

Patton put the plates in the sink and frowned, "Roman--"

But surprisingly, Logan interrupted, soundly moderately irritated, "Considering Janus has a plate of half-finished pancakes and his own chair at the table, he has not infiltrated anything. It is illogical to assume he was not invited, so please do put away your sword." He firmly stated, staring him down till he lowered the sword and sheathed it safely.

"Why is he here?" Roman glared at Janus, who stared back with a bit less intensity, not wanting to back down but also not wanting to cause more trouble.

"Because I invited him, Kiddo." Patton put a hand on his shoulder, smiling softly up at him. "It's alright." Roman stared at him in disbelief, then groaned and sat back down.

"So that's why you made blueberry pancakes!" Roman outburst seconds later, gasping as he looked back at his plate.

Patton laughed nervously, blushing in embarrassment. "Yep!"

"You dare initiate him without a group decision?" Roman narrowed his eyes at Patton, but there was no heat in his gaze. Virgil let out an annoyed sigh, setting his fork down after finishing his pancakes.

"Roman, I think we all know there is no stopping him. I'm clear proof of that." Janus looked at the emo in surprise, considering he threw his headphones at him that very morning. But he really did just look like he wanted this to be over, accepting that Patton was too kind to let Janus be shunned

"But..."

"No buts! Now eat up Roman! We have a long morning~!" Patton beamed.

Was Janus missing something, or did everyone but him know what that meant? Well... here goes nothing. He laughed quietly, a bright and happy noise, and the atmosphere lightened a bit as everyone resumed eating and chatting.

And that’s the end!

I hope you enjoyed :D

I actually didn’t add the second half to my entry, but I kept it in my post just because of the headphone toss lmao... I won first somehow,, Here’s Jamus’ drawing ^^