#why isn't it monthly ... this is torture

[haru-chi]

I finally got to buy and read the new chapter so

Some thoughts (spoilers) ahead:

I really loved Morio's story and the significant it holds on many front that worth digging deeper into more :)

Can we get more Seiji and Madara interaction please ?? IT'S GOLD !!!

Seiji : haha Mr. Cat you were like a hero just now.

Madara : On the other hand, you're not acting like yourself trying to save a stranger.

Or

Madara : if you're not after the treasure then why are you wandering around like an idiot.

Seiji : how rude, despite what it looks like I'm still doing my job as Kuro Misa.

hmmm Seiji made it sound like he's searching for this dangerous tool so NOT to fall into the hand of the wrong people than to use it for himself ?? "Once you watched a lot of things unfold before your eyes you realize how troublesome the magic tools can be"

So Shinobu collecting magic tools for their sentimental value or what's inside them to watch those feelings crush before her eyes ?? Or am I understanding this wrongly ?? ..... Shinobu dear if that's true then that's pretty twisted that I don't know how to describe it :)

Shinobu doesn't want Clara to learn about what she did here .. Clara is a big fan of Kuro Misa ... hmmmm .. something is fishy here BUT THEN WE DIDN'T GET ANYTHINH NEW ABOUT CLARA ... STILL A BIG MYSTERY !!

waaait !!! Is the magic tool Seiji searching for the creepy 6 eyed mask that appeared in Natori's cousin arc ??? THE PLOT HAS THICKEN!!! Oooh ooooooooh !!!!! (Need to process this cuz alot of ideas is popping into my head right now like no other)

So, Seiji confirmed that even if someone join the Matoba clan and they aren't related by blood they would still suffer from the Matoba curse unlike what we saw in Morio case ...

So is Matoba clan the only exception to the rule ? Or is this depending on the yokai itself ? Hmmmm interesting info this bit ...

Tanuma's smile and happiness that he talked to a Yokai and speaking to Natsume about it full of joy is bringing tears into my eyes ... how can you tell him afterward that this yokai was evil in the end T^T

While I thought that Seiji protect the picture for his sister's sake it turned out he did it because his father adores this picture !!! Seiji really love his father and I'm feeling things right now T^T

Seiji stop with those hits that I never saw coming .. I just can't you idiot and my head is having ideas that ... aaaa

And wait ... that also kinda prove that his father loved his sister too .... oh ... ummmm ... wait .... >> lost in thoughts and pain ><

WAS THAT PICTURE REIKO ???? AND SHE WAS HAVING A GENTLE SMILE ON HER FACE !!!

WAAAAAIT !!!

How am I supposed to process this info ??? What does it mean ?? How did it come here ?? Is it one of Morio belonging ?? Or is it a picture by a famous artist ?? is Natsume's grandpa an artist ?? Since this an auction related to exorcist does that further proof that Reiko or Natsume's grandpa related to this world ?? WAIT I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERING TO BE MIDORIKAWA-SENSEI !!!!! DON'T END THIS ARC LIKE THAT PLEASE !!!!

I read this chapter while I'm not in my best of condition so I might understand some things wrongly since I wasn't too focused while reading (must reread it) but what a read full of emotions and info to process .... what is Midorikawa-sensei cooking exactly ?? the plot has thicken indeed.

[myabsurddreamjournal]

Fate

(part 1)

Soldier Boy x Fem! reader

Summary: Reader is a scientist who is forced to work at lab that they keep soldier boy frozen, she talks and cries to him when she is alone, thinking he can't hear her but he hears everything.

warnings: None, im a ace so my character and story is going to be asexual💜

she slowly approached to cryo where they kept him frozen. it has been a while since she had a opportunity to do this. Since she was taken here they always kept an eye on her, watching every move, punishing any sign of disobedience. It didnt take long for her to learn to be silent, be obedient. scar on her arm reminded her to keep her mouth shut every time she wanted to question something they do. She still remembered the pain. It was her second week here, and she made a mistake of asking why they kept him frozen for almost 40 years. She got the scar for her mistake. The sound of her bone breaking... She could still hear it.

Teardrops started to fall from her eyes as she opened the door of cryo, whenever she was alone she was crying now. It almost became a ritual, sitting on floor with her head hanging low while confessing and apologising to him. Who looked like a statue of a almighty god.

"Hello Ben" she opened her mouth. It made her feel weird hearing her voice saying something other than "yes", or "sir"

"its september 19 today, your birthday isn't it?" she was crying harder now. "i read your file other day. It says you had a rough childhood, me too you know, and now we are both prisoners here. What a fate huh?" she looked at his face as she said that. He looked pale, too pale for human. Well he was in this damn lab for almost 40 years...but deep down she liked the thought of him being something other than a human. Humans always hurted her after all.

After watching the torture tapes she learned he experienced pain and anger just like her. (she threw up all night after seeing the tapes for the first time) he had a life once, he was a child, he had a family. favorite food, favorite drink, he even smoked weed which made her a bit shocked when she read it on the files. But in time she found out he was a lot different from what they made him seen. She saw the few unaired interviews where he acted strong and confident as usual until he was asked about his family or childhood. His eyes getting teary for few seconds, Then his hard expression getting back. His mouth twitching every time journalists made a rude remark.

She knew he was a human. But him being alive after all things human did to him told her he was also something other than human.

and it made her feel good.

"i never wanted to be here, i never wanted this, she said. "i wish i could save you. If i had a powers like you, i would burn here to the ground. And kill all of them. But im so weak. Im so sorry Ben. Im so sorry." She waited there for few minutes. Her head between her hands. Until tiny beeping sound from her watch made her flinch. Telling her it was almost midnight. She needed to get up. Too many work tomorrow. Another day as a prisoner here

She cupped his cheek before closing the door of cyro. It was so cold, but still soft. She couldn't help and kept her hand there while looking at his face. His closed eyelids, then freckles on his nose. Still remembering the first time she noticed his freckles, it was one of the days where her legs hurted for being on her feet for so long. She was taking his blood for monthly test. And she saw them. He had freckles on his nose! They were never shown in his movies or pictures, always hidden behind makeup or his green-gold mask. But they were here. She found them adorable. Never showed it of course. keeping hidden behind her cold emotionless expression.

But she often find herself thinking about him when she tried to sleep at night in "room" they gave her. what else he was hiding under all that persona? What made him happy or sad before all this happened? was it true that he never cried? She tossed and turned at night. Sometimes thinking about him and sometimes thinking about her life. The similitaries between them. Humans hurted him just like they hurted her. They stole their life. She usually fell asleep with this thoughts. And in her dreams it was always end of the World. Everything burning in flames and she watching it from distance with smile on her face.

with a deep exhale she withdrawed her hand from his cheek. "see you tomorrow Ben." she whispered. And she was gone. Not knowing that he heard every word.

that night, she dreamed of something else for the first time since she was captured. Pair of green eyes. They were looking at her. Their shade reminded her a small lake she saw everday when she was a little girl. It was on the right side of the road that she used while walking to school. She always loved the way water moved in small waves. After 2 years, for the first time, she woke up with a warm feeling that morning. it felt like gentle morning sunrise.

[sleepisoverrated]

My headcanons about Dick Grayson

Dick is touched starved.

Think about it he grew up in a circus, that he considered family, when he was little he always got physical affection and after he was adopted by Bruce he still got some(because lets face it Bruce was a softie for Dick when he was Robin) though a lot less because Bruce isn't a touchy person, but after being fired and going solo he had a lot less physical affection from his loved ones(especially when he had a "falling out" with the Titans and YJ). I think over time he became touched starved, thats why he gives bear hugs and is more affectionate to everyone. AlsoI think it got slightly better when he was Batman and had his Robin. That's why Damian is more clingy with him and allows Dicks affection (He also knows when not to touch)(Also you can't convince me Dick isn't Damians favourite person and that they don't share a father-son relationship (mentor-student, older brother-younger brother, hero-sidekick, hero-fan all of these also aply))

Dick is still angry with Bruce about a lot of things.

How he took away Robin. How he dared give it away without his notice or permission. How he made Robin into a mantle. How he found out he took in Jason and gave him Robin from a newspaper. How he failed Jason and then blamed him. How he didn't say that Jason died. How he wasn't even invited to his funeral. How he kept secret that Jason was alive. How he used a batarang on Jason, almost killing him again, instead of Joker. How he treated Damian when he first came here and sometimes even now. How he purposely separated him from Damian, because he was jealous (of their father-son relationship). How Bruce beat him into submission to join Spyral. How that wasn't the first time Bruce hit him. How Bruce never made a backup plan to extract him from Spyral. How Bruce forgot(got amnesia) him in Spyral. How he lied to his siblings that he went along willingly with it. (If you can't tell I like Angry Dick Grayson fics)

‌Dick and Slade are frenemies.

Basically as long as Dick doesn't interfere with his jobs, they are close friends, but as soon as he interferes they don't hold back from lethal force. I know Slade kidnapped him and kinda tortured him and Dick was obsessed with him to the point of insanity, BUT they both obsessed over one another so much that they know eachother the best and after a while they sorta lost their motivation to constantly fight(though spars are still fair game, the only rule is the other doesn't die) eachother. So now they meet up monthly to bitch and complain about their lives and gossip like old ladies, with some alcohol on a random rooftop. They are the embodiment of don't mix business with pleasure, when they meet on one of Slades jobs they pull out all stops and fight viciously, mercilessly and brutally, but the next day(night?) Slade comes over with the good whiskey and they spend their night watching the rom-coms, because Dick thinks it's funny to force the Terminator to watch them and because he's endlessly amused when Slade actually gets invested in it.

Dick Grayson taught Damian.

About the Romani language/culture, acrobatics, trapeze, circus, travel, all the recipes of Romani dishes that he knows, Romani stories, Robin tricks, stories, secrets (By Romani culture Damian is his son and they both decided to keep that a secret from the others, btw he also learned about Damians Arabic traditions, foods, language). I think that Damian values this more than his inheritance as an Al-Ghul and Wayne, because Dick chose to give his culture and inheritance to him, not because he was obliged to.

...So you seemed to like my rant's/headcanon's *throws cautiously some more headcanons in your direction*... have some more?

P.S. Someone pointed out that there are a lot of canon in the last post instead of headcanon's, but I read so little of the comics that I can't really tell whats canon and whats not.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

My memory is terrible so I wanted to do a breakdown of my stuff every once in a while. Might be monthly, might be whenever I feel like it.

QL - Currently Watching

🇹🇭23.5 [11/12] - This show is not working for me anymore. Of course I'll finish because there's only one more episode but honestly I don't really care if any of them are together and that's a problem.

🇯🇵25 Ji, Akasaka de [5/10] - I'm so normal about this show. The way this show is using the show within the show is really smart and the editing is very good. I'm actually looking forward to see how the 'rival' will shake things up, which is odd for me.

🇰🇷Boys Be Brave [2/8] - So far so good. Gi Seop is obvisouly not the best boy but there's something about his energy on screen that is compelling to me. I really liked that Jin Woo was honest about his feelings and I like the 'I love you but I don't like you' dynamic a lot. The second couple gave me some ODS vibes so I'm bracing for some angst. [Finished will write it up at the next round up]

🇯🇵Living with him [6/8] - Filler episode with not a lot of new information, but I did enjoy the supermarket scene. I continue to delight in Kasuhito's expressions.

🇰🇷Love Is Like a Cat [2/12] - I'm waiting to binge this one. Didn't like how this started and the rhythm just isn't working for me. [Finished]

🇹🇭My Stand-In [1/12] - Pretty is pretty. But I don't trust Thailand with high concept so I have reservations. I hope I'm wrong. I liked the first episode so we'll see.

🇹🇭Only Boo! [7/12] - Well the Shone thing was what I feared and I don't think it really fit with this show at all but now it's over and I'm ready to forget it ever happened. Moo continues to be an absolute delight to watch and I'm looking forward to seeing a more relaxed Kang. The sides are pure torture. Payos sweetie, you need to confess or let it go cause I can't take it anymore.

🇹🇭We Are [8/16] - I'm enjoying the friendships in this a lot, it all feels very natural when they are together. I'm not super invested in any of the couples, although they're all doing a good job. I'm having a good time with Tan/Fang (Aou is so fun to watch) and hopefully I will have a good time whenever the show decides to give me Chain/Pun. I also think some of the actors have really improved, I was really impressed with Satang specially.

QL - Finished

🇹🇭1000 Years Old - I wrote before that this one wasn't really my thing and obviously the finale didn't really change that. The different lifetimes I think could've been explored earlier and would probably make this a bit more interesting to me. It's not like there was too much going on to use the time for that but it is what it is. Also the whole thing with the vampire girl/wife, it was so unexplored that I didn't really get why all of a sudden I should care about her at all. All in all, it started fun but halfway through it lost me a bit and now it's over. Bring on the next vamps.

🇹🇭Deep Night - This one surprised me a bit. There was a refreshing amount of good communication and they gave the people what they wanted, poly and older lesbians. I wish there were more acrobatics and the editing was weird in places but overall it's an entertaining show.

🇰🇷Gray Shelter - This is weird one. Because I feel like I have to fill in the gaps myself and that just shouldn't be the case. I enjoyed the actors a lot, and Lee Jae Bin presence on screen kept me engaged for most of it. There is definitely potential here if they had the time to explore all the different elements. But this runtime it's just not enough to fully flesh out these characters and the complex issues it wants to tackle.

🇯🇵Love is Better The Second Time Around - Started great but lost itself by the end. I don't think it needed that external conflict by the end with the brother and the mother because they weren't on firm ground to begin with. If I were to make a list like this one by @lurkingshan I don't think Myiata and Iwanaga would make it there. Iwanaga was amazing to watch though. He pretty.

🇯🇵My Strawberry Film - One pining gay boy does not a bl make. With that said, even as a drama there's nothing interesting here.

🇹🇭To Be Continued - Meh. It was fine. I wish I had more of the side couple because Gumbie is adorable. Midway this was getting into The Promise territory, and while it's not that bad, and I guess the reason for the separation is a valid one, I don't think Achi being the 'bad guy' for most of the show actually makes sense.

🇹🇼Unknown - The last two episodes were a bit of a letdown if I'm honest. I have nothing to say about the first 10 episodes. Incredible. The character growth is so well done, and the family scenes feel very grounded. Just all around outstanding work from the whole cast, but specially Kurt and Chris. I think Kurt showed Yuan growth so well and I'm in awe of Chris' acting all the way through. Even with the little stumble at the end this show and these characters will stay with me for a while.

Rose Watches OJBL

Junjou (2010) - Second chance romance. I liked it. It's a nice watch, nothing particularly outstanding or new about this one, although that's not really fair considering it's more than a decade old, but alas I've seen other versions of this particular type of bl. Nevertheless I liked the characters, specially Tozaki,

Athlete (2019) - The visuals were the best part for me. There are several things I like in this, the main actor does a really good job imo and I truly enjoyed the bar scenes. But it doesn't all come together for me. I don't have a problem with the ending as much as how we got there.

Other - Watched

This was a slow month for me. I started a new job and some other stuff happened so I haven't really been in the mood to watch new stuff. Mostly comfort watches and rewatches. Oh I did watch Heartbreak High S2. It was good.

That's it for right now. My ask box is always open. Wishing you all a wonderful holiday tomorrow💜

[blindtaleteller]

Tags.

Daily reminder of what a two-faced coward Mobius is.

Build into something, there is no better for the TVA. What does he think they'd do? What are they just going to arrested people instead of vaporize them? Who dictates to them what the job is now? It doesn't matter because the moment they do anything, the second they take someone off their timeline they are taking away free will. The thing Mobius was claiming was so important now.

It's like if someone wanted to build HYDRA into "Something better" there's no better for a fascistic murdering organization. It needs to be completely dismantled and there needs to be precautions taken so it never rises again.

Of course the only reason Mobius says this is because Ravonna now has a way to exist. Now she has an advantage on him so Mobius goes from acting all high and mighty judging her, saying she betrayed her and guilt tripping her to suddenly pleading with her and presenting himself as reasonable. He was just threatening her if she wasn't going to stop and only when she shows she can just leave does this offer come up.

That expression from Ravonna at the end really does come off as someone who's heard this all before. Say what you want about Ravonna, she's no doubt a villain. But she stand by her convictions. She doesn't act as the accuser one second and then immediately put herself in the victim role next.

[thelov3lybookworm]

You Deserve Better (part three)

Part one Part two

In the back of her mind, Althea realised that the male she was staring at could be the Lord of the camp, but she couldn't look away from his captivating eyes. His grin widened and both his dimples made an appearance. And that's when Althea made herself look away, cheeks burning.

"It's cold here. I say we should go inside, that is, if you want." He spoke.

"Yeah." She rasped, before clearing her throat and continuing. "I think it'd be good if we became comfortable. After all, I'd be here for some time."

The first guy, Kieran stepped forward while shaking his head. She followed him towards the Lord, who winked at her. He put out his hand, which Althea looked at suspiciously before taking it.

"Casteel Da'Neer. Lord of the camp, as you might have guessed." "Althea. High Lord's sister. I guess you already know why I'm here, no?"

His jaw was practically on the ground and she could see Kieran had stopped in his tracks from where he'd been walking towards a house. "You're kidding."

"Why would I?" She raised her brows.

"I– you– you're here because of the reports that we haven't been sending?"

"Mmhmm." He still gaped at her, so she continued. "So? I thought you were taking me somewhere warm?"

"Oh yes." He finally stepped away and led her toward the house where Kieran already was. As Kieran led Althea to a sitting area, Casteel walked into the kitchen.

"So you really are the High Lord's sister?"

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

"No it's just– you are somewhat of a legend."

She raised a brow. "Am I?"

He nodded. "Rumours spread like wildfire over this place. Someone from here had been present when you were born. They saw how the previous High Lord's demeanour had changed. They also mentioned how they could feel your powers, as soon a you came into this world."

"Also how your father literally went and killed Spring Court males because of what they did to you. So, it's obvious anyone would think that you are someone really special for someone like your father to do those things." Casteel came in with a bottle of whiskey and a few glasses, setting it down in front of them. Althea thought about what they had said as he poured it for them. He continued while handing her a glass. "Also, shouldn't you be a little more careful around males you don't know? We've just met and you're already in my house, drinking my whiskey, which could have poison in it."

That was a valid question, but Althea waved her hand. "You wouldn't dare. As you just now mentioned how powerful I am, I could kill you without a second thought, even in a weakened state. And even if we were to ignore my powers, my brother would torture you for eternity." Those weren't the only reason though. She didn't know why but she knew she could trust these men. Knew they wouldn't harm her, even if she was a peasant woman with no one who would miss her if she vanished. "So I think that gives you enough reasons to not try something stupid. So, let's not beat around the bush and get to the point. Why are you not sending the reports to your High Lord?"

"Alright princess, if that's what you want. But before that, I want you to give me all the details that you have about this situation."

"Only that you haven't been sending in the monthly evaluations to Rhysand and when he sends people to check why, you send them away without any explanation. Saying you don't know what they're talking about."

He sighed. "I have been sending them. Every month. Sometimes even more than once in the past months. I don't know why the high lord isn't getting them, but we are looking into it. That was why Kieran was scouting the woods tonight when he found you."

"What? How could that be? You–"

"I know princess. That's why Kiearan was scouting the perimeter for anything suspicious tonight before our messenger left, and then he was going to follow. We've sent people before, with the messenger, but they always ended up dead, and I'm not willing to sacrifice more of my men or women. And these people that the High Lord sends, I tell them the exact same thing, but looks like they don't remember."

That was weird. Rhys said he didn't receive anything. If this male was saying the truth, then this was a serious issue and Rhys needed to be informed.

"Well... I guess I can send him these reports. My brother and I can winnow ourselves as well as objects. That's how we've been talking for ... quite some time now. Winnowing letters to each other."

"That's nice. I'll get you the reports in the morning. Is that okay?" Casteel had a weird look in his eyes, which Althea couldn't decipher.

"Um, alright I guess. I'll be back tomorrow then?"

"You can stay. Here in the house."

Althea saw Kieran's brows rise before he knocked back the whiskey and stood. "Well, I guess I'll go sleep now that there is no more need of me?" He didn't wait for an answer before walking out the door.

Althea blinked before turning back to Casteel. "So? Are you staying?"

"I mean, I guess so."

"Excellent." He looked sheepish for his outburst. "Um, sorry. It's just that, you are someone that we never would have thought that we'll ever meet."

Althea smiled into her glass. Looking at him getting flustered was amusing to say the least. And as she continued sipping her whiskey, she could see him in her periphery just shifting in his seat.

"So... do you want to go to sleep now? The rooms are all clean and you can pick one you want."

Althea shook her head, grinning as she set down her glass and leaned back in her seat. "You look like you have some questions. Go on. Ask away."

She took in the way his eyes brightened while he finished his glass and set it down. He picked up the bottle and asked if she wanted more, to which she declined. She waited as he filled his glass again and took a sip. He cleared his throat before he began.

"These could be personal though." He continued when she shrugged. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Was you're father really a nice man with you? I have heard a lot of stories, and people also say that it obviously wasn't because he had kids. It was just you."

"Hmm. That would be true. He was a really amazing male when it was just us. He would put me to sleep, read me stories, play with me. Basically do anything that a little girl would ever want of her father. When I grew up enough to realise that how he treated others was not nice, I was confused. But I guess I let it slide, maybe because I was a kid, but mainly because I loved him so much."

"Whoa. That's kind of... messed up." He shifted in his seat as he went on. "Could you... you know, tell me about yourself. Like, the places you have gone to. I heard you were spotted near the border once. Have you visited the human lands?"

Althea studied him for a moment, wondering if she should tell him stuff like that, then decided she could. It wasn't as if he could hold her travels over her. But she picked up the bottle of whiskey before speaking, because even though she could tell him these things, she was nowhere near drunk enough for it.

Talking to him was as easy as breathing to her. So easy that as she spoke about her travels and they talked about literally anything that came to mind, she didn't realise that they had talked for the whole night until the sun was shining through the windows.

•○🌑○•

The next morning Althea had sent Rhys the reports and the explanation about why he hadn't been receiving them. After that, while she was getting ready to leave, she had received a letter from Rhys. He had asked her who she thought the person was and why they were doing this. That had ideas popping into her head on how to catch this person tampering with the documents.

And so here she was, one month later, sitting in the branches of a tree, waiting for the messenger to pass through. He was currently with Casteel, getting a blank scroll, pretending it was those monthly reports. Only Kieran knew about the plan of handing him the blank scroll. The actual papers had been sent to Rhys this morning.

The messenger entered the clearing where the protection bubble ended and from where he would have to winnow, rather than going, he stood there, waiting. A few minutes later, an Illyrian appeared from thin air, who took the scrolls from the messenger, gave him a pouch which presumably had gold coins and started to winnow. But couldn't. Because at that moment Althea had frozen him where he was, then let her arrow fly. The man fell to the ground, groaning. She winnowed right next to him, grabbed him and then went back to the camp, where Casteel took him to a secluded place and handed him off to Kieran to be interrogated.

Later they would find out that it was a spy –with daemati powers– of a secret organisation of Lord Devlon and other Camp Lords, who wanted to remove Camp Skyward from the picture because of the fact that the Camp allowed females to train. Out of all the Lords, Casteel was the only one who had no problem training females, in fact, he had already been training females in secret even before Rhysand had become High Lord and ordered that females be trained as well.

This past month had been... fun. After that first night when she had stayed at his camp, she went back to her home. But they had to meet everyday to plan for catching the culprit. Atleast that what Althea told herself. They obviously didn't need to meet for a whole month to devise a plan. There were other reasons, certain amber eyed reasons, that kept her going back to the camp. Sometimes staying, sometimes returning to her cottage, but dreams of this amber eyed reason kept her up most nights.

So now that the problem had been solved, Althea didn't think she could come up with any excuses to go back to the camp. That's what she was thinking when she bumped into a wall of muscles while walking around the camp and fell on her ass. She stumbled back, looking up into the golden eyes that she had somehow come to... love. He gave her a lazy grin.

"Did you just fall for me?" He extended his hand.

Althea glared at him. "Shut up." She took his hand and pulled herself up. "Is that all you've got? Honestly a teenager could think of a better line."

He remained quiet while she dusted herself. She looked up at him and found him stating at the pack on her shoulder. She straightened. "You... you're leaving?"

She swallowed. "Yes. I don't think there are any more people we need to catch." A flash of sadness crossed his face and she felt the same. "Unless there's someone who wants me to stay, I don't think I have any business here." She searched his eyes.

She knew she was hoping he'd stop her, but she was still shocked when he spoke. "Stay. Please. For me."

And she stayed.

•○🌑○•

Hello my lovlies. This was kind of a small and filler part and I don't really like it, I'm sorry for that, but the next part would be better, I hope. And sorry for such a long wait!

Also, my husband has been introduced! Yayy! If you haven't read fbaa, and want more info on him, just search up Casteel Da'Neer and you'll get all the info you need. Because I know I didn't do his character justice but I'll try my best to portray his character better in the next part.

Alright thats all! Have a day you deserve loves! 😉

Taglist: @bubybubsters @act1839

[maxwell-grant]

🔥 X-men/Krakoa?

Allright let me swing at the hornet's nest here a bit: Krakoa was wasted on the X-Men, not the other way around.

Krakoa was, however problematic and shitty and complicated it might have been even from day one, was onto something enough to generate the intense interest and instant fandom it did, and it's biggest problem wasn't with the forgiving of unrepentant monstrous villains (because that door got blown open forever ago), or the no-humans-allowed policy, or the genocide in Latin America, or the pod people resurrection that took the bite out of every mutant genocide and death past and future, or that the entire premise was built around them trusting the funi haha eugenicist Nazi to build their paradise and let himself be stopped later, or that it kept revolving around the petty courtly intrigues of the arch assholes in charge with only like, two writers capable of propping up this to make it worth reading about. The central problem didn't have as much to do with the fact that the newfound central focus on shadowy detached superhumans huffing their supremacist royalist fumes 24/7 is precisely why nobody likes the Inhumans and especially why nobody liked them as a replacement to the X-Men, and you can't cobble a story out of Magneto/Emma Frost/Mr Sinister mean girl one-liners and hot takes even if that's all the fans want (yes, the X-Men are bastards and so is everyone in the MU, how cutting and insightful and powerful they are yes very impressed, but an Epic Bastard Moments compilation is still not a story). I don't even think it can be entirely blamed on the fact that they had the X-Men speedrun through the 14 rules of fascism as the opening act to a larger story only to decide that actually, we don't need that larger story after all, thanks Hickster but we can just take it from here and keep Stage One as is, everyone's gonna be cool with the cult shit if it still feels like it's going anywhere other than back to the school, we can keep this up forever now! This isn't even a bit, I don't think these things were the biggest cause of death for Krakoa even if they all were there.

I think the biggest problem is that, no matter how many cool or great characters they add to their ranks or what turns into epic pulp sci-fi bombast they take, the X-Men might just be foundationally, irreperably broken as a concept, smothered under the weight of the selling metaphor that just gets more dated and problematic and easier to tear holes into with every passing year, and Krakoa ultimately just elevated all these problems to center stage. There was never going to be a world where Magneto says something as full of shit as "There has never been a mutant war and we've never conquered or stolen land or made slaves and that's why we're better, by the way we're going to be your new gods now" with a straight-face and didn't have that proven immediately wrong (not counting all the people in the Council who absolutely did do all of those things). Krakoa couldn't be both the terra nullius dream clubhouse and the "queer separatist utopia" people desperately craved and a cult backed up by genocide run by self-destructive warmongering hypocrites and a next step in evolution and the headquarters to a superhero team you need to tell monthly exploding punchy stories about and a place that was going to live forever and lead us into the better future and a house of cards waiting to be toppled. It didn't have a future because quite frankly, the mutants don't have a future.

The mutants are, even after all this time, still a half-baked idea of people entirely defined by their oppression, by their death and torture and the hollow space where you're expected to insert your own marginalized traits to identify with instead of much of anything akin to how real marginalized identities are formed and developed and solidified over time. Pretending that the mutants can subsist forever on past shoddy worldbuilding and dated, vague parallels just gets more embarassing over time. It's not an issue individually cool comics or characters are going to fundamentally fix. Krakoa, to it's credit, was some way towards trying to define the mutants past their oppression, but they barely had a language or a flag, and even these attempts were smothered under the Claremontian shadow that's been choking this franchise forever and by the inability of The Big Two to truly hand the reins to anyone other than the same stables of white dudes who always get the final say in everything. Krakoa was Going Somewhere up until it wasn't, and the promise alone breathed a whole new life into the X-books, we really did get some very good comics out of this era, but it was always going to end the way it ended.

Actually scrap all of that, my hot take is, not for racist reasons or anything, but we should destroy the X-Men and replace them with big cool robots that can make us safe forever. Has anyone tried that already?

[imaginespazzi]

Wowza, I have a LOT of thoughts and feelings about part 7. A real mixed bag. BUCKLE UP.

2033

yaaay they had a sleep over that didn't end absolute destruction of our collective hearts!

I feel the storm a brew'in with Drew. Something is coming and its not gonna be good lol.

Stephie’s quiet for a second, hiccoughing to herself as she searches for something on Paige’s face before she holds out a pinky, “promise you’ll never leave?” oof. my gut. is punched.

Paige is terrified. hmmm ok I like were getting into Paige's psyche a little more. Unlike other anons I don't think she's going to straight up run away or something drastic like that, but I think its totally fair that now that they are over the 'hump' (even though there has been no humping :( ) of admitting their feelings and trying to build something new, it is sinking in for Paige that wow this could be amazing… or I could get my heart trampled again and combust into a million pieces if this dream doesn't work out

Paige laughs, tucking that little tidbit away to tease Azzi with later, “how about you and I go get your Mama her favorite coffee?” oh I love this domestic shit. Paige would be the kind of sweet lover girl to go out and get her woman her favorite coffee even if theres coffee already in the house

Hmmm when is Jose's wedding happening? Will Paige be Azzi's date? Will being at a wedding give her a PTSD trauma response? I normally love weddings but i feel like you aint gonna give us a fluff fest with this one. Or maybe Azzi and Paige have a wonderful romantic time and start talking about what they want to do for their own wedding. happy happy happy fluff yay.

OOoh lawd is Paige gonna let an 'i love you' slip and freak Azzi out

“your daughter has you wrapped around her little finger huh?” “yeah, yeah she does.” SOBBING. But for real by the time Stephie is a teenager Azzi is going to have to impose a monthly limit on how much Paige can spend on random shit for Stephie cause she would be rollin up to school in a G-wagon and a louis v backpack and get mugged/become insufferable lol.

“I got you an iced vanilla latte with extra whipped cream,” foreshadowing smut with Paige putting whipped cream on azzi's nips? yes? great.

“Sounds good,” Paige confirms, “we’ll be there!” - awwww cutie paige. Couple mode.

But there’s something about being a secret again, that raises a bitter taste of what killed us then could kill us now in her mouth. hmmmm this is interesting. I often forget about the fact that their first relationship was a secret, and how clearly there is an element of that involved in their breakup. Azzi pulling back again? Im getting sad.

dun dun dun dun the moment we've been waiting for - FRENCHIE!

Hmm ok so Stephie doesn't seem to know clem was not just a platonic friend for Azzi… wondering if its cause they weren't in a serious relationship and it was just FWB or if it was a full blown relationship and Azzi consciously hid it from stephie

I mean Im sure Paige hates clemence already for obvious reasons, but STEPHIE loving her……ohhhhh lawd

Oof ok Clemence traded to atlanta… glad we dont have to have her around for long. I dont want paige to be arrested for homicide. Also Im absolutely picturing Clemence looking like Marine Johannes cause we know Azzi's type is white blond haired blue eyed Guards lol

“just one night.” I feel this night out is going to be an alcohol fueled disaster and IM SO EXCITED

2028

Why isn't Azzi playing for team USA? Stephie was born in January so could she not theoretically be back in it by now? Or did she take 2 seasons off?

OK Olivia. You know I love the whole Olivia of it all and I find the relationship so intriguing and complex. My first instincts about her in this chapter were of course, dear god she is such a bitch. And then I have to remind myself SHES NOT. She is just kind of a dumbass who is in love with someone who isn't in love with her, and its pretty much torturing her. -- “You did it,” Olivia screams, running into Paige’s arms as friends and family start to gather on the court, “I’m so proud of you!” “Thanks Olivia-” Paige is about to say more like… you are congratulating your wife on her winning a game at the Olympics and she can't even get out a full sentence in response cause she SEES the back of her ex girlfriends head. Thats grounds for divorce right there lol.

eeeek i dont like confrontation this would make me pee my pants "“Oh I don’t know about that,” Olivia says airily, sharp nails digging a little too roughly into Paige’s skin as her grip tightens further, “there’s plenty of talent up and coming in the next 4 years.”

"This is a side of Olivia that Paige is only just beginning to unveil, the side of Olivia that makes snide bitchy comments with a saccharine voice." … hmmm just starting to reveal? so theyve been married for like 8 months at this point. Olivia was keeping up a facade for a while ….. or Paige's clear preference for azzi is just getting worse and worse and the woman is finally cracking.

Ok the image of Olivia being LIVID in their hotel room, and Paige is just laying in bed watching tiktoks not listening to a thing Olivia says. Why is Olivia still here?! Take the money and run bitch your wife aint that into you!

gazing down at her phone where another fuckass Clézzi edit has started to play "fuckass clezzi edit' HHAHAHAHAH this is so Paige

Another thing about Olivia is that she seems to have a real issue with Basketball despite you know, being a sports reporter and pursuing a player romantically?? When Paige and her have that post presser spat in the earlier chapter Olivia says something like "There are other jobs than playing basketball" and here again she goes "right, fucking basketball. again". Sorry Olivia but your house, luxury cars, jewelry, are all courtesy of the fact that your wife is a basketball player! Who you met... while she was a basketball player! -OK Olivia, not going to the gold medal game? Bitch gots to go. How did this marriage continue for 2 more years lol

Azzi’s eyes soften, “I came for you. I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that but- I’m here for you.” ok and im crying again. Just get back together right here and now you fools.

I do have a short addition to the end of the chapter, ahem im a little rusty:

And they both know that they’re saying words they shouldn’t say. That when they break apart from this moment, they’ll have to walk away. But for now, being in each other’s arms is the only thing that feels right, that feels golden. Except, at the afterparty their eyes meet again. Olivia had gone back to Dallas in a huff instead of staying for closing ceremonies. Clemence had to go be French somewhere, and didn't want to celebrate the USA win. And despite both being in relationships, the pull towards each other they felt was undeniable. After a couple dirty shirleys, Azzi followed Paige to her now empty suite. Once inside Paige opened a bottle of champagne, realized it was from France, and threw the bottle out the window. She then opened a Budweiser, poured it over azzis tits, chugged he rest of it, and they made passionate and patriotic love. As Paige buried her face in Azzis pussy, sucking on her clit like a goddamn AMERICAN, Azzi chanted 'USA USA USA'! She was reminded how much she loved Paige's Red Blooded American passion. Sure, sex with Clem was nice. But she was always stopping in the middle to bring out a cheese plate, and some preserves, or some croissants that got crumbs all over the place. While they both seemed to understand this was a one time thing, Azzi and Paige felt the Olympic spirit erupting within them, that it was fate they they connected here in LA, and released the tension they had been bottling up for 4 years. As they both squirted simultaneously, it was reminiscent of old faithful, another classic American relic. What a night it was. 🤱🤱🤱🤱🤱🤱🤱🤱🤱🤱🤱🤱

Buckling up m'am!

Paige is rightfully apprehensive about a lot of things. I think with her, when she was trying to convince Azzi, she's wasn't thinking about more than just being together. Now that they are taking step towards that, Paige is starting to have an epiphany of "hey there were actual reasons why we haven't been together for the last 8 years and maybe I needa think about those just a little bit".

The wedding will happen on-page and there's two ways it could go. I haven't fully decided yet so it's just as much a mystery to me I guess.

LMFAO Paige is just gonna give that girl an amex card and let her go ham with it if she gets her way

I'm glad you caught that line!

A lot of people seemed to think Clémence looks like Marine Johannes which is lowkey what I pictured as well and so I'm very amused that we all seem to be on the same wavelength with that lmao

I don't think she took two seasons off because she's definitely playing in the 2028 W season but with Stephie having been born only a couple months ago, I think Azzi, as a single mother, prioritized Stephie over going to Olympic training camps and stuff and so she wasn't on the team.

She is just kind of a dumbass who is in love with someone who isn't in love with her, and its pretty much torturing her. - this is exactly it like she's in a very depressing situation if we look at it through non-pazzi tinted glasses

Olivia is holding onto a dream that's threatening to turn into a nightmare and I don't think even she could tell you why she's holding on except for this ridiculous things called hope.

It's easier to take her anger out on Paige's love for basketball than take it out on Paige's love for Azzi that they're both trying to pretend doesn't exist anymore.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST BABES!

I just- throwing out the champagne cause it's french? the beer? USA USA USA chanting? cheese plates?

No notes, 10/10 perfection. Please take over my writing credentials.

[ellovett]

Jesse lore Rewrite Under the Cut weeee!! I never post stuff like this tbh so this is new for me dnbfsm give it a read if u can!!!

For context hes my twst Chernabog who's a professor at Night Raven College with a rather dubious past..

Jesse is already a funny man, sure, but I need this mf to be an actual threat, to live up to his chernabog inspo..and to be fucking evil goddammit!!!!

So in this rewrite, Jesse Czerno-Noctis was formerly [and to those who knew of him], a feared malevolent demon that had wreaked havoc on Twisted Wonderland hundreds and thousands of years ago, he was cruel, and most dangerously, bored. They were powerful force who would reign tyranny over the land for the fun of it, who feeds on human souls, someone who was one of the catalysts for multiple wars and would overlook on the bloodshed in delight.....but then suddenly.. he becomes a silly man with a teaching job and a monthly allowance, but how?

Now this one is depending on the canon lore, but it would be very interesting if Jesse had orchestrated the Fae War to some degree, he's not the exact cause of it, but he has pushed people towards the wrong direction, told people things that made them act on impulsive decisions, manipulating situations to create conflict..basically warmonger behaviors. He'd probably have participated in the war as well, just to revel, and be silly.

But now, because of this, Jesse is now imprisoned within the NRC walls, magically bound to the school and its headmaster, his magic is now significantly weaker than it used to be, condensed to a form of a human. How this happened I still have to decided [either Jesse became indebted to Crowley or the former headmaster, or he was bested and had become imprisoned as punishment]. But it's just like, as my friend mentioned, war criminal community service. Never mind if he gets tortured for all eternity but god forbid he has to teach a bunch of children for the next thousands of years!! This magical limiter prevents him from ever leaving campus, and prevents him from letting Jesse use his full magical skill.

Whenever he acts up, his magic gets weaker, and he goes on what's essentially a magical timeout, where he is unable to conjure anything at all. He's basically a vengeful man just waiting to be freed!! And if no one will free him, he'll do it himself. It's only a matter of time at this point, he can do this for all eternity, and Jesse is unrelenting...but recently, his goals of escaping are slowly slipping, he feels conflicted, hesitant..and he has no idea why.

This fact isn't obvious at all though, and it's a secret kept between Jesse and Crowley themselves, maybe Mozus to some extent.

[shivstar]

Why did Sirius Black thought that Remus Luin was the spy??????

We see many versions of how this came about to be from Remus's pov. THat is how he thougth Sirius was the spy, ranging from him being a black to how he shows his tendency to betray at age 16, to the live witnesses who saw him kill peter in cold blooded murder right along with 13 other people then having the audacity to laugh as if this was all fun to him....

From Sirius's side, as to why he thinks Remus is the spy, the only reasoning we often see is that Remus was distant with them during those years, spending time with werewolves.

I have a different theory...

Sirius Black is highly creative and intelligent individual. We all agree on this except some delusional Jegulus and Wolfstar faction of people.

Even after Azkaban, we see him having so much mental faculty that his presence is almost like an insult to people like Dumbledore, Snape and Remus himself who often come about as total stupid what with proof in Harry's yr 1 (not catching on the Quirelmort) and then 2 (not finding the secret about COS) and then 4 (not being able to do anything for Harry having to participate in the tournament and figuring out fake moody thing) and then.... yeah list goes on. They are late to catch on plots. But here is this guy who after years of torture and isolation is able to succesfully avoid dementors and aurors and then with bare minimum food in the cave helps Harry with the emotional care and tournament and almost figures out the whole barty thing in GOTF.

So, he is not a delusional guy. We have proofs of this. (If you are into the theory that he is Moony's little lap dog who is just pretty face and blank head, just step away from my blog.)

So, young adult Sirius Black has to have a really strong reason to believe that Remus is playing them all.

I will agree that peter's whispering into their ears must have played a pretty big role in convincing all three of them decision makers- James, Lily and Sirius that Remus's statements should be taken with a grain of salt.

But they have to have some solid ground to stand on otherwise peter's words have no power behind them...

What i think is that Remus even before Sirius himself has shown a proof to all of them that he isn't trustworthy. When he finds better solution to his issues, he has no trouble in lying, hiding and manipulating.

When teen James and Sirius and peter learn about Remus's furry little problem, they form an executive decision to help this poor little guy.

Remus was not forced, coerced or lied about the other three joining him on his monthlies. He knew that when he turns into a beast, his 'animal' freinds will take him out of a safe place and they all will roam around.

James and Sirius and Rat man had no obligation about it to Dumbledore because this was not about them. This is like an adventure to them. The good guys who fight for the underdogs. They toe the line and see what will happen if they push all the buttons like bullying slytherin kids. Do things they are said not to do. Being rebellious and adventurous is their thing.

But it is Remus whom Dumbledore trusted. It is Remus who made a deal with the old man. Come study at my school, I will have a seprate place arranged for you and i will even go as far as to plant a tree for you in the school grounds, which mind you, is super dangerous but i care about you sooooo mucccchhhhhhhh that i don't want you to have to take the long route. I don't want your delicate sensibilties to get hurt. I will take a further step and scare the shit out of the poor residents and business owners of Hogsmeade Villiage that the shack in which you will spend your monthlies is haunted.

Dumbledore went out of his way to support this guy, the only wolfy guy to study at Hogwarts.

The boy who lived. The wonder boy. Our own Harry himself didn't get this type of royal treatment when Dumbledore went as far as to express his guilt that he is burdened by his decision of leavng Harry at the Dursley's knowing he is condemning a kid to 10 and more years of suffering.

For a kid who suffered all alone because he, unlike kid Remus, didn't even have loving parents to share his pain and suffering with. To be kind and compassionate to him.

Dumbledore cares for Harry in his own twisted ways but we don't see him bending over backwards to make basic things easy for Harry. Instead he lets thing happen to the kid. Again Year - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 show the proof and then again he is the pig to slaughter etc....

But Remus got a treatment as if Dumblediore owed something to the Lupin's.

Remus breaks this trust again and again and again.

Dumbledore would not have found about his betrayal ever. It got out because of circumstances only.

I know many of you will say that he was just a kid who wanted to feel accepted but - 1.) James and Srius were not forcing him, neither physically nor mentally to let them come. they proposed and he agreed. If it was about them having fun then they could have fun on any day or night. Their transformation is at their will unlike Remus's..

2.) If you absolve him of his little betrayal and attmepted crime of having close calls with village people then YOu have to cut a slack to Sirius also. Becasue he was also a kid at 16 when he did what he did. Having so much teen angst and no adult in his corner when Remus had four- Dumbledore, pomphrey, mummy and daddy. Otherwise you are being hypocrite, plain and simple.

But anyways. Sirius knew that Remus carries the ability to not only fool Dumbledore but to also do something which will directly harm Dumbledore's job as the headmaster for illegally allowing a werewolf in Hogwarts.

Can you imagine the problems Dumbledore would have to face if one of Remus's close call turned into an actual murder???

THat Rmeus was okay to play Dumbledore for a fool by directly disobeying him in search for a little relief and fun with his friends.

So, Sirius has every right to think that VOldemort's shiny offer of better world has the ability to make him change his mind.

His entire personality is about being a werewolf. Thus when it comes to the werewolf business, he will think of nothing and no one. He will just do what he feels is the best for him.

Then why is Sirius asked to appologise and grovel for having the audacity to think Remus as someone capable of betrayal but Remus in stories has always got the upper ground that he has reasons to believe that Sirius is an untrustworthy friend. Why is Remus forgiven with just a simple sorry but Sirius has to be feeling guilty and regretful when his proof is evidently the more clear sign of years of lies and betrayal and manupulation at Remus's hands.

Hats off to you oh great master manipulator Remus Lupin. You not only were succesful in gaslighting people into believing you were the good guy in the books but you took it one stage ahead and make everyone believe that you are a little munchkin outside in the real world too.

p.s. - Sirius's biggest quality is his loyalty. James helped him and loved him so he devoted his entire being to James and his son's life. So, howcome he ever find attraction in a man who at the age of 15 to 33 showed the ability to break the trust of another person who offered him care and support???? Not possible! This is my personal hc that Sirius must have looked down on Remus for his disloyalty.

[idlespren]

black history?

these bastards are the real monsters

.....

FEMALE RAGE

-

i wonder how much of kdj's personality plays a part in him being so apathetic towards these ppl and how much his fourth wall ability has to do with it

plss let me see them again in future eps plsss

that was the moment he fell for her i will accept no other explanation

my righteous wife <3

I LIKE THEM TOO <33

lol

the constellations povs towards kdj's actions is so interesting bc to me they somehow represent the varying perspectives us readers have towards kdj

but why

he has companions COMPANIONS oh im going to be so normal about this

lolll

why does women always have it sm harder than men why is there not an ability to stop the monthly torture they have to go through in this world like they have to fight literal monsters and ppl AND ALSO DEAL WITH MENS??

<333

i love their dynamic sm

im so sorry constellation wearing a straw mat

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ofc my wife isn't easily fooled

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

the orv fandom (at least from my pov and i haven't ventured too far for fear of being spoiled) is so fun and 'silly' that i sometimes forget that orv is not a light story nor is it a light read

SHE'S HERE!!!

...

[madraleen]

Attack on Titan - Hajime Isayama Vol.34: The "It's Done, It's Finally Done" Commentary

(*final verdict: i currently consider this one of my favorite stories of all time)

-oh. oh i don't like that cover. i mean it’s a great cover, but it feels like a eulogy for someone is what i'm saying

-me to me, trying to get through the final volume without getting unhinged again: DEDICATE YOUR HEART!

-no body no crime, armin's fiiine, he's hanging out with ymir i'm sure. that wasn’t a painful enough way to die, just pointless, and we’re not doing ‘pointless’ in this manga.

-heh, jean saved reiner :)

-'but they dragged him off toward eren's ass.' never change, levi, never change.

-OH! THE NINE TITANS FROM THROUGHOUT THE AGES! SPLENDID! THAT ISN'T HELL ON EARTH AT ALL! THAT'S JUST GREAT! THAT'S- that's not a titan, that's the Thing from Fantastic 4.

-the visual of titan eren looking like he's in chains and hanging down his head is deliberate i assume

-oh so you're saying eren isn't attacking you, it's ymir

-jean and reiner bonding moment as they hang on for dear life

-mikasa 'bring it on' <3

-help from the skies. literally. thank you falco et al

-i am very afraid that i won't like the ending and i'm bracing myself for disappointment but i'm still holding on to hope and i want to work with what i'm given, and if that's not a parallel to the fight we're having with eren and the gang's feelings on it, i don't know what it is

-so few of the core cast have died that i honestly wouldn't be shocked at a rocks-fall-everyone-dies ending.

-gabi babe, WE can't fight at this point, let alone you. THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP DIDN'T WORK!

-yeah no, i see the parallels - gabi a child born to hate turning to kindness, eren a child born to (sort of) kindness turning to hate, it's nice.

-lmao annie, 'so how's armin' <3

-the fact that levi uses the word 'worrying' when he says 'we don't have the luxury of worrying about eren.’ awfully sentimental, for levi. 

-marleyans: LET'S ALL VOW FOR WORLD PEACE AND ELIMINATION OF HATE IF WE SURVIVE! marleyans two minutes later, seeing the eldians: I'LL SHOOT YOU, SCUM!

-i don't know why, but seeing jean and reiner work together makes me happy

-'your turn, jean!!' 'hold on, reiner!!' ASFSFHS

-oH INTERESTING, levi not having regrets about not choosing erwin. 'because i entrusted the future to that kid who had the same look in his eyes as all of you.' yes levi why don't you twist the knife in a little deeper, why don't you stomp my heart to the ground while you're at it

-'useless' that's what eren called armin too, coincidence?

-oh! zeke! hi! thoughts? 'hello. mr zeke.' oh armin.

-LOOK AT ZEKE'S SAND CASTLE

-BERTOLT SAVED ANNIE?!?! LESSSGOOOO! OOOH OUR TITANS ARE FIGHTING FOR US YESSS

-i'm very glad to see that all in all levi isn't stupid and isn't randomly trying to fight even though he can't

-oh man these fights are so messy (in a good way) that the panels just can't do them justice compared to what it'll be like in the anime i think

-the times connie has saved armin's ass. armin's specifically

-TITAN GRISHA! ! !

-please stop torturing levi, his eyes have never been so wide

-I WAS JUST SAYING THAT LEVI ISN'T STUPID AND HE JUST FLEW OFF AND DECAPITATED ZEKE, WHAT! FALCO, CATCH HIM! DON'T LET LEVI DIE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! (iconic moment tho)

-oh eren DID need zeke to use the founding titan? despite being given the founding titan’s power, he still needed the royal blood? interesting.

-some of jean's action panels with his hair all swept back are so cool

-'goodbye, you suicidal blockhead' shut up shut up shut upppp

-imagine having to wait monthly for the next chapter? torture

-OH THAT ONE BABY WAS SAVED! YAY!

-enough death for now, yeah? if eren's dead, let him be the last.

-oh of course. eren version 5.1 or something. because if his titans can't march, he'll march himself. now i assume it's mikasa's time to use the power of love

-some day i'll be able to make jokes on the progression of eren's hair. this is not that day. this chapter is called ‘a long dream,’ but i'd call it a nightmare. respectfully.

-oh. oh i see. we gathered everyone here just to see them turn into titans for maximum pain, i see.  you didn't have TO DO THIS, SENSEI, YOU DID NOT

-jean and connie holding each other before the end help me.

-don't show me young eren. please don't show me young eren, you know it makes this harder

-er. mikasa is kissing eren's decapitated head... (thrice decapitated). at least ymir is enjoying the sight...?

-is he really...? is eren really...? was that really...? did we really never get to talk to him...?

-i won't pretend to understand what's going on. i'm just sad at seeing little eren and little armin talk at the moment

-so time works all at once? so baby eren is blissfully ignorant while older eren sends dina to inadvertently attack his mother?

-HA ARMIN PUNCHED EREN

-i am like... i am close to tears, then i'm laughing at eren's breakdown over not wanting mikasa to love anyone else, what the hell is happening

-eren I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE EITHER

-well, you CAN'T be forgiven. that doesn't change.

-'i swear i won't let this terrible mistake you're making be in vain' jesus, armin

-EREN CRADLING ARMIN'S HEAD WHEN THEY HUG

-the gang are humans again,  i'm happy i promise. i’m just. it’s a lot. eren visited them all. on paths!zoom. which we didn’t see. which why.

-i'm surprised so many of the core cast had plot armor, but i'm not complaining

-the way they're just holding eren's head

-i can't believe eren's dead

-can we wrap this up, eren is dead and i'm exhausted

-three years time skip and please let this be the end, it's been enough, i can't take anymore

-i'm tired. i'm done. it's done. i get it. eren had to bring it all to pass in order for mikasa to kill him and get rid of the titans. he had to push them away to get them to that point, but he explained it all to us through the paths. he couldn't possibly survive. but. eren. god. there’s so much to wrap my head around, imma need a minute.

[thecitythatdoesntsleep]

Could you give more detail on what a blood club is? I feel like it's something I'd be interested in working with as a setting and would love more information on them. :)

This will be added to the official lore of Knightvail and consists of world-building elements. You can find the following content inside this guide and it may or may not be worked on or revised in the future.

What is a blood club?

Why would someone work at a blood club?

How are captives trained in the seedy clubs?

Where are these clubs found?

For similar topics and lore, you might enjoy these posts as well: Vampire Cafes, Vampire Blood vs Humans, or The City's Official Lore

(TW: slavery, forced prostitution, starving, torture, force-feeding, implied vomiting, dehydration, dehumanization, heavily implied non-con, blood/gore mentions, death mentions, violence/injury, topics of addiction, drug reference, kidnapping, reconditioning, mental breakdowns/psychological trauma)

What is a blood club?

A blood club is a building or establishment that sells human blood. However, this differs from a donation clinic or other reputable plasma distributors, as blood clubs harbor live sources and do so publicly. Blood clubs are never seen outside the red zones in the city and are considered a shadier option but a credible fast approach to a meal.

If a vampire needs blood quickly and doesn't have special ties to get it, they can walk in and feed for as little as 20$ a drink.

These clubs have few rules and most of them use shady and binding contracts to enslave humans. Some establishments even do so to other vampires, keeping them as ways to get humans hooked on vampire blood and make their addictions bring them back.

Less incriminating ones, few and far in between, are set up as locations for humans to do sex work and consensual feedings in a controlled environment. Providing them a space that isn't their own home to set their own prices, limits, and accommodations. They make rules that won't allow more than a regulated number of customers to visit them and do daily health checks to integrate their time off properly.

(Ex: If they work two days, they have to take two days off in most establishments or 1 for 1. Blood testing is done before and after shifts to ensure they aren't at risk of anemia and on-site transfusion stations with registered nurses are on sites at all times.)

Why would someone work at a blood club?

The most common reason is debt. Scouters go out and try to get humans indebted, most commonly with vampire blood. They use it to get the human addicted and once procuring enough debt on them, they kidnap them and enslave them at the clubs to 'work it off'.

If the human isn't indebted to drugs, then any wayward youth is targetable. Scouters will stalk individuals and see how many connections they have, if they are a profitable target and if anyone would do enough digging to find them. If the answers are a resounding no, they will abduct them and put them into training to serve at a club.

Anyone down on their luck or too isolated can be another victim if they are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Humans of poor health are usually excluded from this search, as they don't yield as much as they take in medical necessity. In some cases, they are still targeted if the ailment can be alleviated by vampire blood.

In the establishments that are actual business settings, workers are allowed to keep all profits save for a small, negotiable chunk dedicated for rent. Most places charge the employee a fixed, monthly rate like one would for an apartment. The places that don't have a fixed commission rate per customer of around 5% - 10%.

These clubs are safe spaces for humans to work in a field they're comfortable with and they are able to make as much or as little as they desire. Under the table, hand-to-hand cash in most cases that isn't taxable. The high-dollar clubs even include health-care and benefits packages for employees that work there, as well as ample security and screenings for clientele to keep things safe.

How are captives trained in the seedy clubs?

Brutally. New abducted victims are taken to be trained on-site immediately and are subjected to whatever has the best effect in breaking their will and most generally, the psyche.

This includes beatings, whippings, manhandling, sexual violence, and more. There are usually trainers in place that are in charge of breaking in the new products, a group hired by the club to torment them until they are suitable to be put out on the floor.

The process is notorious for taking no longer than two months. The weaker take a little under a month and the strongest have taken as long as 6 months to almost a year. There isn't much that is restricted as far as punishment can go and the trainers are generally sadistic vampires that have many years of torturing humans under their belts.

Most will be fed vampire blood at some point as they will be brought to death as a way of finalizing their breaking zone. This generally is the coup-de-gras that handlers/trainers will go all out and physically destroy the captive in order to control them.

They'll crush bones, ruin senses, mutilate body parts and abuse them until they are damaged to the point of fatality. They'll be force-fed vampire blood and saved from this death, regenerated and if they show signs of being sellable, they'll be allowed to rest for a day before being sent to their room.

During this training food and water are restricted to only keeping them alive. They are given grotesque and expired foods and if deemed needed, they'll re-feed the victim their regurgitation if they resist the diet changes. Water is usually given as a form of punishment or used as a humiliation tactic, often put in a dog dish or hamster bottle to further break the captive's will. Most will be subjected to torments within the nature of dehydration and further dismantled with human bodily functions.

At the end of the process before being sent to their designated room, they are healed with blood, fed a balanced but bulk-made meal, and allowed a day of rest. Some are given human painkillers but most requiring blood don't need them.

During their resting times, their rooms are maintained to the minimum and they are given a small set of starter items. Most places have several pairs of sheets in the room for the customer's peace of mind and the captives are required to change between clients.

There are bathrooms attached to each living space and inside is generally a shower/bath, sink, and toilet. The bedrooms contain a bed, lamp, side table, and most commonly a sofa and coffee table. Each can vary given the popularity and service of the captive. Those that do better tend to get better rooms or more furnishings for larger parties.

Personal items are frowned upon but some are allowed to keep certain things. They aren't allowed more than three outfits and all must be tagged in the neck or waistband with initials or their employee codes. Some are given permissions for make-up and personal hygiene accessories upon inspection and compliant request.

Generally, there are meal-times where pre-made food is delivered twice a day to captives and they have a 15-minute interlude to eat it without a booking from the time of its arrival. The food is balanced to the regulations of prison standards essentially.

All are given iron supplements and supervised while taking them.

Clubs also tend to use tracking chips of pet quality to ensure that those with debts on them, can find and collect at any time. They are generally put in the back of the thigh, back of the neck or in the fat under the arm.

Where are these clubs found?

In order for clubs to be established, seedy or clean, they must reside in a red zone. Where public feeding is allowed, slavery laws are all but non-existent and general police enforcement doesn't have to waste resources to control or regulate. The nicer ones border with varying zones that are easier to access with a short walk through a maintained circuit. The deeper into the red zone or the blood zone, the worse the credibility gets.

Here is an example of how the districts are set and the blood clubs would be found solely in the red zones.

Red: Blood zone, all crime is essentially legal or decriminalized. No ems, emergency services exct. Public drinking/bloodletting is legal.

Orange: No public blood-drinking, must be in designated areas or on private properties. Emergency services are active.

Green: Public blood drinking is prohibited. All sales of blood are criminalized and held to the fullest extent of the law. Drinking can only commence on private property with the owner present or involved.

Inside the red zones, clubs are easy to find and locate through online advertisements or visuals around the building. All establishments condoning publicized drinking must fall in code with their district and provide a visible warning sign on the door. Generally, it will be a single red blood drop sticker as city guidelines dictate but some are much grander about their displays.

All clubs must have a minimum of 2 attendants at all times and a base minimum of 3 employees or handlers to tend to the 'stock'. Clubs may not exceed a maximum of 60 workers/slaves at one time and it is generally frowned upon to keep over 30.

These clubs are all across the city, some even in the mountains as an attempt to lure more traffic and tourism. If you're in a red district, you can find one easily.

[lassieposting]

ohhhh the detail of Finbar being Skug's nephew is inchresting 👀 though it makes me wonder if in your hc they know about it?

They do!

See, Finbar and Skug always felt like kind of an odd relationship.

Finbar isn't the sort of company Skug normally keeps - if you look at basically all his friends (except Scapegrace, who adopts him in much the same way a dirty stray cat adopts a random family) they tend to be very classy, highly intelligent, vaguely olde-worlde, verbal sparring sorts. Finbar is a punk rock stoner who barely knows where he is half the time and constantly forgets that Skug doesn't know his wife. But it's never mentioned how they met, or why Skug trusted Finbar enough to leave his emergency cache with him, or why Finbar sometimes treats Skug like family (i.e., calling him his kid's "Uncle Skulduggery").

So in my headcanon, it goes a little something like this:

Like? Petulance meets her husband while she's fixing planes for the brits during World War I. He's a pilot. They marry in the middle of the war, say ~1916.

Finbar is born ~1938, and once the war starts, he's looked after by his father's parents during the daytime while Petulance is working.

~1940. Petulance's husband is shot down in a dogfight. Finbar is the one who tells her daddy is dead - days before the authorities turn up on her doorstep to officially tell her she's a widow. She's inconsolable. Skug comes over from Ireland to support her, which is the first time he's ever met her son. He offers to bring her back to Dublin, set her up with whatever she needs, but she doesn't want to uproot her son from from his dad's home. Skug stays to help out, because she's struggling, and she's his favourite, and he has never not been there when she needed him.

1941. Height of the Blitz. She gets a call at some silly hour of the morning - her MIL has had an accident and has been admitted to hospital. She leaves toddler Finbar in Skug's care while she goes to be there for her MIL.

She never comes home. The hospital is a direct hit. Finbar is an orphan.

He's too little to really have a say in his custody. Skug makes the same offer of support to Petulance's FIL, if he'll raise the boy. The old man doesn't want to stay in London without his wife and son, so he takes Finbar and goes back to Ireland with Skug, away from the war. For most of Finbar's childhood, he's raised by his grandpa, with a generous monthly stipend from Skug to make sure they don't want for anything. There are very occasional, sporadic visits. But Finbar looks like Petulance, and most of the time Skug just...can't. It's too raw.

When Finbar's visions start getting more upsetting and more frequent, grandpa doesn't know what to do. He's aware of magic, but he doesn't trust it, and he prefers to pretend it doesn't exist. Eventually he reaches out to Skug, who pulls some strings at the Sanctuary to get info on Sensitives in County Dublin and - oh, how fortunate - finds one he knows. He puts Finbar in touch with Cassie, and she trains him to use his magic responsibly.

She's a hippie in the 60s, and when the 70s and 80s come around, Finbar gets really into the punk movement and feels like he fits in somewhere for the first time and becomes just. Really rooted in that whole subculture, which is a huge difference between him and Skulduggery "Got Tortured To Death For And Gaslit For A Century By Government, Continues To Work For Said Government" Pleasant, but also gives them something to bond over, because. Petulance was a revolutionary; she had Strong Opinions on Irish independence, she was a suffragette, she would've been very proud of her highly anti-establishment son. And that's bittersweet for both of them.

As with all Handbook stuff, I share credit with @thats-so-craven

[wakaoujisenhime]

My congratulations with 200 followers! Can I ask scenario about Akashi's girlfriend suddenly finds out about his second identity, but she isn't scared and she accepts him?

A/N: So, with this one, I wasn’t entirely sure which setting I should put it in. I was between her finding out when he first ‘transformed’ and discovering it when he reverted back to his Teiko self. In the end, I decided to pick something in between and something entirely different, so I hope you’ll like what I came up with. ( ꈍДꈍ )

Tags: Akashi x reader ✅  SFW ✅  fluff ✅  slight angst ✅

image/art source: Twitter (art by eijo_q)

━━━━☆ ━━━━☆ ━━━━☆

A slight tint of red - Akashi x reader

You’ve been looking at these heterochromatic eyes for as long as you can remember—those cold and lonely pair of eyes that belonged to your beloved boyfriend, Akashi.

The captain of Japan’s most popular and most feared team was unrivaled in many aspects, and that trait made him a highly respected individual amongst his peers. Unfortunately, that respect also bore negative feelings such as fear, hatred, and jealousy that were the main reasons people decided to avoid his presence.

But you were different. Those rumors didn’t face you in any way; if anything, they motivated you to actually find out more about the man who earned himself countless titles.

The moment you two first looked into each other’s eyes, shivers went down your spine, and if your memory didn’t betray you, then he probably felt the same way. Back then, you felt like you couldn’t move for a slight moment, but thanks to your friends and his teammates, who brought you back to reality, the two of you snapped out of it quicker than you might have wanted.

It took you both quite a while to actually start a conversation since he wasn’t usually the type to initiate such things. At the same time, you, on the other hand, were either too shy or unsure whether you interpreted the short connection you guys had correctly or not. But when you finally succeeded, neither of you had to struggle and find a suiting topic; the conversation just started developing on its own. And after a few months during which you had several interactions with the red-haired young man, it became evident that you had fallen in love with him, so now came the question whether you should confess to him or not, when and how...

Much to your surprise, you had the support of many of his classmates and basketball team members. They repeatedly encouraged you, saying just how good the two of you got along and how his mood had improved when he was with you. Needless to say, that boosted your confidence to a certain degree and gave you the needed courage to begin your quest.

Unfortunately for you, your attempts didn’t differ much from how you normally treated and talked to him. Still, you were determined to continue giving it your best until he either realizes it or until you found the best time to confess.

But your plans weren’t including the most important chess piece in this story, namely Akashi.

While you were forging one plan after the other, you were completely unaware of how the red-haired young man had seen past your actions and was already aware of the feelings you harbored for him. He knew, but he chose to remain silent and wait until you felt prepared enough to tell him.

And then one day, you finally stood before him with your cheeks slightly flushed and your eyes wandering but never focusing on the person before you. You were an adorable sight for him to behold, but he didn’t want to uselessly torture you any further, so he decided to initiate the dialogue.

“Is everything alright (Y/N)..?”

The gentleness in his voice caught you off guard, but it also helped to get the ball rolling, and before you knew, your confession was already in full swing. Firstly, you began reassuring him that everything was alright, that he needn’t worry about you, and that the reason you called him was a positive one. After a short break, you then proceeded to reveal all the feelings you’ve been harboring for him...

When you were done, he remained silent for a short while and gave you his answer...an answer that surprised you.

“Then today marks our first day as an official couple.”

——

The first few months went by pretty well. Your boyfriend had even made sure to divide his time between his training and you equally. He even made a weekly weekend date customary for the two of you, additionally making sure that the place you went to or the activity you did never repeated itself.

But what is a relationship between two people if only one person does the entire work?

That’s what you asked him one day. Akashi was surprised, of course, but he quickly understood why you’d say that, so he decided to tone down a bit and allow you to plan some of the dates as well.

A good and loyal man whom you could call your boyfriend, who made sure you were treated like a queen and whose yellow and red eyes were always only focused on you and you alone.

Could your life get more perfect?

Or at least that’s what outsiders and bystanders would think...

You see, no matter how much Akashi tried to smile at you, there was always something bugging you about it.

At first, you decided to ignore it and thought that it was your imagination and that all he needed was a little time until he could tell you what haunted his mind, but the longer you waited, the gloomier his expression grew, and it worried you. Not only were you not used to him appearing that distanced at times, but what hurt you the most was the fact that he wasn’t even intending on sharing anything with you.

Instead of doubting his trust in you, a more direct approach was in order, so you decided to just ask him yourself; all you needed was an opportunity, and what worked better than everyone’s beloved test period?

Next to your weekly dates and your monthly horseback riding expeditions, the two of you also organized a small tutoring group where you or some of Rakuzan’s basketball members would seek Akashi’s help in topics they didn’t understand. Luckily they were not always up for studying more than they had to, so the two of you got at least some privacy from time to time. So when the exam period started, you prayed to whichever deity you believed in, to give the two of you some time together.

The moment your finger pushed the doorbell on your boyfriend’s extravagant front door, you expected to be greeted by one of his butlers, but instead were greeted by a warm embrace from your beloved.

“Hope you won’t mind that today is going to be just the two of us.”

“Oh no, not at all!”

You were overjoyed to hear this but tried to appear as calm as you could while Akashi brought you to the living room, where some papers were already splayed out on a table.

After you had taken a seat and placed the snacks you had brought with you next to the tray with some of your favorite beverages, the two of you discussed what subjects and problems you’ll be going through today. Since you truly needed some help with a few subjects, your plan to talk to him had to be postponed for a short while.

When the two of you were about to move on to the next pile of tasks, you looked at your boyfriend’s profile and began: “Hey Akashi...it’s not school-related, but I have a small question for you. Is that ok?”

You saw his red eye shift its attention to you as he nodded his head slightly, a small smile adorning his lips.

Here goes nothing...

“So, I’ve noticed that there are times during which you tend to look quite sad and troubled. At first, I thought that whatever it was, you just needed some time to process it yourself until you could tell me. Still, that plan backfired quite a bit, since your expression has been getting worse,” you stilled to let him process your line of thoughts first, and then you resumed, “I just hope that you know how much I care for you, and if I have given you the impression that I don’t, then let me apologize. Akashi, I truly care for you, more than you might think...and more than I sometimes show, so I would be really happy if you could at least entrust me with some of the thoughts that have occupied your mind.”

You took another break to look at the man next to you and immediately noticed how much his body had tensed up. Whatever you chose to say next was about to either provoke a change in your relationship or let it circle around the same iceberg as before. So you mustered all the courage within you, took his hand, squeezing it, and said: “I love you Akashi, but if we don’t talk this out now, I’m not sure if we’ll have another chance like this...”

Silence...

Whatever you just said had quite an impact on your boyfriend, more than you ever expected. His entire face went pale, and his eyes seemed unable to focus on you or your face anymore. You were worried that this topic might’ve been too big of a landmine for your fresh relationship, but there was no way for you to return anymore, so you had no choice but to go through with it.

Akashi sighed and stood up, his back turned to you. He looked so lonely that you couldn’t help but follow his lead and stand a few meters behind him, leaving your boyfriend enough free space but also maintaining a certain closeness, just in case he needed an embrace or anything of that sort.

Another short period of silence followed during which the red-haired young man looked out of his living room’s window and apparently tried to calm his nerves down for the upcoming talk.

“(Y/N), there’s something I’ve been...keeping from you for quite a while.”

I knew it...

It was no secret that you expected that to be the case, but you couldn’t help but be curious as to what that secret was, so in order to tame your curiosity and stop yourself from showering him with countless questions, you bit your lower lip. You already had a few hunches as to what that secret might or might not be, but you remained silent and waited for him to finally tell you what’s been on his mind for so long...

His lips were moving, his eyes were focused on one of the many random trees in his courtyard, his hands were trembling, and all you could do was stand there and listen...listen to the most unexpected confession.

“A...second personality, you say?”

Akashi nods, and even though he turns around, his eyes never meet yours; they just blankly stare at something behind you. Usually, you would’ve followed his view, but you already knew what those beautiful eyes of his were fixated on.

His childhood photos...

Even if his confession of having a second personality sounded quite far-fetched at first, now that the both of you were silent, you had some time to actually think it over, and much to your surprise, it made sense...to a certain degree, at least. His eye’s sudden change in color and the abrupt disappearance of his angelic smile from his middle school’s days were drastic developments in a brief span of time, judging by the intervals in which the photos were taken. When you first noticed this peculiarity, you thought that either something on a biological level or something bad in general had happened, so you had made up your mind to drop it for the time being. Who would’ve thought that you’d be getting an answer to that as well today?

“I-I’m sorry (Y/N)...if my story sounds too unbelievable or too unrealistic for you, then please feel free to label it as some kind of fairytale I came up with to put your mind at ease.“

You squinted your eyes, trying to comprehend just what kind of nonsense your boyfriend was coming up with, and before you could even think of an answer, your mouth was already open, throwing the first things that came to your mind at him.

“What if I choose to believe you, though? What would you do then Akashi? Would you push me away like all the other times, or would you keep on pretending that everything’s alright? Huh? Tell me...“

The young man was clearly taken aback by your direct questions, but he recovered quickly and turned his back to you, mumbling something about you not being able to grasp the true meaning behind his words and how you couldn’t handle his true self.

He must’ve thought that you weren’t going to hear his self-talk, but you did...and what you heard made you extremely mad. Pure rage clouded your judgment, and the next thing you knew was how Akashi’s back was pressed against the wall and how your hands were gripping his shirt’s collar.

“How dare you say something like that?! Do you really think that I’m that insensible and shallow?”

You continuously threw your feelings and thoughts at him, not noticing just how worked up you truly were. At one point, though, Akashi just couldn’t take it anymore and wrapped his arms around your trembling body, pulling it towards his chest where you could continue to cry. Now that you were enveloped in that oh so familiar warmth, you just couldn’t keep on screaming at him, so you just closed your eyes, held onto him, and tried stopping your tears from ruining his already crumpled shirt. While you were doing that, he placed his hand on top of your head and stroked it gently, calming you down even further.

“(Y/N)...I’m truly sorry, I never intended to doubt you; it’s just tha-“

“Don’t apologize Akashi...I understand”

He wanted to tell you just how scared he was of your reaction because you were one of the few people he trusted enough to tell this to, and all the others who saw, experienced, and even knew of his change ended up being either weirded out or too scared. 

But you were different, and even if he knew that, he just couldn’t risk losing the light of his life, and that’s why he decided to keep it a secret from you, up until now. When he saw how mad you got for his sake, how sad it made you the moment you found out just how heavy this has weighed on his mind, it made him understand that even if you were scared somewhere deep down, you’d still look for a way to make him feel better and try your best to understand him. 

That realization was all he needed as he gently planted a featherlight kiss on the top of your head and raised your chin so that you could look him directly into the eyes.

At that moment, you could’ve sworn that his iconic yellow eye had a slight tint of red in it. 

I love you...

[a-woman-apart]

Watch "I'M BACK! WHY I LEFT YOUTUBE FOR TWO YEARS!" on YouTube

This scared me so badly, because this is EXACTLY what happened in my life, except it was all in The Reverse.

I graduated with an Associate Degree in Music Performance in 2018, but instead of running TOWARDS my dream/calling I ran hardcore AWAY from it. My pride in graduating only lasted a month before I declared myself Utterly Unmarketable and sought to go after a "real degree" and get a Big Girl career.

Between 2018 and 2020 I had major life changes.

My dad died of stomach cancer

I broke up with my neglectful boyfriend

I turned down a Full Ride to a major college

I hospitalized myself for Suicidal Ideation (Sept 2019)

I quit my job of 5 years

I started working for my best friend and became her Office Manager

I started dating the Love of my Life

I lost my friend group and peer support

I lost my mind and left college due to COVID-19 (but not before making one of my best decisions in taking a Screenwriting class because I WANTED not NEEDED it)

Started distancing myself from the toxic women in my life and definining Womanhood/Adulthood for myself

Visited my brother's grave after over a decade of waiting and got closure

Fully acknowledged my childhood trauma/abuse

Rediscovered my sexuality

Was disowned by who I erroneously thought was a close friend of 17 years over my political views

Joined and exited Unity2020

Turned in my car for repossession

Spent a week in the hospital after having a severe, paranoid psychotic break, but came out completely free of the vice of self-consciousness I was living under

You know what is nuts? I feel in many ways, I have completely reverted to who I was in the summer of 2011. I was off my meds, and it WAS mania, but personality-wise, the tempestuous, gum-chewing, cigarette-puffing, flirtatious, humorous, free-spirited ball of fire that drove all the way to Colorado on a whim wasn't rebellious, SHE WAS ME.

I just wasn't Me around the right people, and it wasn't the Right Time.

My inner Sagittarius moon would remain in a dormant state for almost a full decade. I would spend the next 9 years heavily sedated, sleepwalking through life, only alive at The Sound of Music.

It was Torture to feel so much but be afraid to express myself. I had to Hide while doing a major that demanded that I Command Attention. I am by nature "dramatic", "theatrical", "emotional", "expressive" but that part of me was so suppresed that I was frequently told I sang with excellence but without emotion.

Aside: During my 2011 manic episode, I spoke a lot about Doppelgangers. Without going into excessive detail, this is a German word that means "Double" and it is considered bad luck to encounter yours.

In the past 2 weeks, I have encountered people that look/sound like me (Josephine is Nigerian-Canadian and I am Nigerian-American and I kept thinking about her work even though I initially disagreed with her lot) and a woman with my name (different spelling) who was NOTHING like me and I also think might've had malice in mind for me.

I was DEFINITELY an agnostic atheist when I started this year, but as a result of undergoing so much weird shit I almost certainly believe in God, and yes, "God is a Woman." (More on that later)

Also, I realized that I really DID, as many teenage girls, "lose interest in math and science" but that was because of the terrible, unfactual way it was presented in my homeschool curriculum and by my mom, who was a Math major but whose disinterested detachment made every algebra lesson an excercise in torture.

I have always loved biolology and anatomy and I remember so much more chemistry than I thought. Geology class in community college was amazing and also helped me understand-- even more than the Theory of Evolution-- why young earth creationism was completely impossible.

As for math, I spent 15 years thinking it was my greatest weakness when I have had to use arithmetic in cashiering, my managerial work, and my monthly budget for the last 7 years. Also, as annoying as it was to hear constantly, my mom parroting "What you have to do to one side, you have to do to the other" (but in reverse) gave me the ability to do Algebra quickly and (mostly) effortlessly. I could never get A's, but I got a B in Quantitative Mathematics with no real help aside from occasional teacher input and the "Help me solve this" function of MyMathLab.

Here is where it Gets Weird. I am a Creative. I have been writing stories since I was 6 years old. I have loved Story all my life. My parents were in math and science fields and they completely lacked any creativity. COMPLETELY. It was part of why they were so religiously rigid, authoritarian, and draconian. There was no room for spontaneity or childish imaginativeness.

Looking back, I had major sensory and processing issues. I was likely speech delayed, I learned to read late, and I recently confirmed that when I am stressed my dyscalculia kicks in bad (it IS real). Numbers and symbols get really interchangeable (like an 8 and infinity symbol become kinda the same) which is why I had to recite phone numbers out loud to remember them or write them on colorful backgrounds so I can see them in my head as an image. Also explains my aversion to math but my ease with fractions (1/2 is half a sandwich, etc).

My spatial awareness is also shit when stressed. Before I turned in our car, I had earned the nickname "U-turn" from my boyfriend because on that Floating Death Machine left and right got completely crossed, frequently.

By the way, I struggled with right and left until I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD. I literally didn't understand the concept of a mirror and 3D space, meaning that the basic understanding that my right is someone else's left didn't come into play until I had an argument with my [now-deceased] brother about it.

What is so weird, is that because of years of correcting for these issues, my sense of direction, ON FOOT is good, if not better than most people. Also, once I realized that, given the opportunity, I very much do whatever I can with my left-hand, and that my hearing is MUCH better than I even thought, I am far less clumsy. Depth perception is still crap, but that is probably also because I was forced to spend years without the glasses I needed (and got earlier this year after living with chronic eye strain)

When I talk about these "issues" it is in line with female autism, but you know what? If really do have adult autism, then I am a Complete Boss because I have pwned that ho.

After being rehospitalized, a kind nurse suggested I may have PTSD and suggested medicine for insomnia and nightmares. It was extremely helpful. I had been looking into C-PTSD for a while, because I didn't think I had "suffered enough" to have "real" PTSD. But that isn't how diagnoses work.

Btw, I still have Bipolar I, Psychotic Features. Another kind nurse told me I don't need anti-psychotics, and no, I don't. I was given Zyprexa by a bitch nurse and it was like getting drunk. I stumbled the halls, almost fell over (possibly did) and woke up with a neon "Fall Risk" bracelet. Anti-psychotics also fucked up my menstrual cycle for years and I have had lingering hormonal isssues. Haha no thanks.

Anyway, I digress. Of course I am fucked up. I lived under family members who questioned my reality, attempted to crush my dreams, threatened me with physical punishment any time I behaved in non-neurotypical ways, violated my rights and interfered with my treatment even though I was a full legal adult, undermined my relationships, tortured and socially isolated me, etc., all under the guise "of knowing best."

In minority cultures, our darkness hides in plain sight, and ESPECIALLY in the Bible Belt, with its supeestition and idolization of familial hierarchy/patriarchy, victims of financial, spiritual, emotional, and physical abuse have no where safe to turn. The Long Arm of the Law is often Short when it comes to "breaking up the family", and women and children are victimized openly with little to no intervention.

On top of doing my Creative Work, I plan to create legislation to make sure that what happened to me and my siblings isn't allowed to go unpunished. We lost my older brother, and I almost died, too, but Enough is Enough.

The Time is Now.

P.S. If Josephine is an Air Nomad I identify as a Water Bender. I basically have no water in my astrological chart, but water signs bring me great comfort in times of need (and make bad romantic partners for me obviously)

Also, this is one Bad Biyatch.

I also found out I am an ISFJ, not INFJ. Yep. Gonna be a Playwright and Director. I want to be a part of the action, not just writing about it.