#why is there cannibalism in everything ive ever been interested in??

[valrhynn]

so we can all agree that tim ate bertie after he died, right?

maybe not all of him, just the cool bits like the heart.

slightly unrelated question: can the mechs get prion disease? has jonny had prion disease?

would explain why he is like that.

[tccconfessions2hear]

my grandmother recently died and i feel nothing.

now, mind you, my grandmother lived nearby. like, it would take my mom 10 minutes drive me from her house and to my grandmas. in the mornings for my 1st-3rd grade years, my grandma would take me to school. from the 4th to 7th grade, she'd pick me up from school. because my mom and dad divorced when i was in the 6th grade, and my dad is a felon, he has been living at my grandmothers house (his mom), so i would constantly go back from my moms house and my grandmas/dads house. i have spent a lot of time with her. especially when i got into vintage things, since she was born in 1943. (sadly, she quickly became a housewife so- no, she was not doing cool hippie things or listening to awesome music, she was living in the american sector of Berlin with her husband and at the end of the decade had her first child, but i was still curious.)

also, about 2 years ago, my mom lost custody of me so ive been living full time at my grandmothers. and in 2020 i lived there full time. (my mom is a nurse). and a short period from 2021-2022 i lived there.

she would also take a lot of care for me. she did my laundry, made my food, and all around just take care of me.

so, it seems that i mustve grown a bond with my grandmother? i know quite a bit about her? ive spent a lot of time with her?

well, ive forgotten to mention that over the years it has been drilled into my head from my father that she is babying me and that is actively crippling me, which was absolutely true.

she is part of the reason i have an eating disorder, that other part going to my mother. (i only eat a few foods, including bacon, and literally gag and break down if i have to eat anything else. i will not eat pizza or mac and cheese or any sort of pasta, ive been forced to eat those and I gagged and cried. she only made me bacon. this might not seem like a big deal but i am not getting the proper nutrition that a teenaged 83-pounds, and yes, thats 83, should be getting. my dad and stepmom think im malnourished, and i agree.)

now, i only just thought ot this, but she may possibly be part of the reason why im so anxious and weird. i was that anon talking about picking my butt and shit. those habits werent discouraged. want to know what was?

"oh dont climb on that"

"oh dont ride that bike, you could get hurt."

"dont watch bobs burgers, that show is nasty. family guy is fine though."

(i know i was 9, but which seemingly average child doesnt want to appear as if they were older and cooler? also family guy is 100x more graphic than bobs burgers. im hoping she just got the two confused?)

so, up until, id say, the end of my freshman year of high school, i was pretty fucking weird. even now i still am, i wrote a fucking monkees cannibalization fan fiction and have an interest with adam lanza (nothing to do with my grandmother, just some weird shit im into still).

but before that, until the summer of 2023, i was super socially unaware. i was creepy and weird and my grandmother never discouraged this except the bullies from school.

also, overall, she was a pain in the ass. the worst she ever got was BARELY A YEAR AGO, when me and my sister found out that when she does our laundry, she does not seperate our underwear, and mind you, i have been on my period and my sister at the time had not, and i had felt embarrassed, grossed out, and like i was a small child. why this happened? she didnt want me and my sister to do our own laundry because she just had to micromanage everything.

and i can barely think of any good times. we never had anything in common to bond us besides older and vintage stuff.

she never liked the beatles or the monkees though. she liked paul anka. sure she let me have her records, but the one i was most excited about was a disco duck dance party (which was mostly for the joke.)

and she never tried to pass down any of her hobbies, like sewing or cooking, or purposely tried to show me her music. yeah she gave me her records, but thats all. i went through her collection silently and alone taking out any recognizeable names.

she took me out clothes shopping a lot but they ended up more infuriating because she never wanted to go to stores i wanted to go to and when i did find something, she would turn it down if it wasnt up to her standards.

now i know i probably sound like a whiney spoiled brat, but this is just how i genuinely feel. even with all the sympathy coming in. even with all the support from friends, family, and my therapist. even when i was standing right in front of my grandmother when she was slowly dying and later actually dead, i still felt nothing besides sympathy to the people who are greiving.

im sorry thid isnt a tcc thing, you dont have to post this, you can even delete this, i just needed to get my full thoughts to someone because i told one of my friends part of how i felt and he went all "ohh im so edgy eric harris haha" and im too scared to tell my therapist anything on how im genuinely feeling. from all of this to how i dont even see a point in living. (this is before my grandmother. i just dont see a point in me living when ill die anyway, all pathetic and alone too, so ill do it when im younger, at most 27. and unfortunately the only time i do agree with adam lanza is that "living is suffering" shit.)

again im so sorry if i sound like a brat or an edgelord. this is just how i feel.

CONFESSION 407

[scentedchildnacho]

The small church service I would for San diegans help the pastors focus on original economics of monastic Christianity.....which is the roads have to become safe.....if the roads aren't safe we are never going to be able to have anything around indigenous people if fascistic urges aren't re sublimated we are never going to survive this

You can't run to a house or hide in a shelter the roads have to be quiet well lit sanitary and safe their very disgusting if ever given fossil fuels

So if you ask me what I have witnessed as important for that is women who aren't of gangs have to be apart of work unions or work is man up homosexual cults and all they do is waste energy causing themselves disease dig a pit to fill it?

There were biological agents and renewed ideas of waste and quite frankly common consumption as a recycled resource kept being refused and now there isn't a common plastic bucket to fill a hazard pot hole with

Built right I find pot holes an art form till complete re construction is voted on

Its glass I'm sorry but even young teen education can completely re fill glass bottle shelves and these men stalk around like they have done more or have been of more valuability then a structure of sophmore year...

I just said delicate and feminine ecologies is necessary or your products services infrastructure and roads will just break down it's Ikea it's more durable then new heavy made materials

Tex will do it....some gang women hells angels can really destroy a pretty beautiful project alone....or fair observance and Mogadishu

The landscapers want every week income just destroying the library interstitial space that's all they do is psychopath study on males they go put a lot of unnecessary energy wastes into their work body then they go steal all our things and stalk around wanting medicals to find their body case interesting like the phosphate company and Ive started to realize big males are kind of select and difficult to do that was ugly though

Their muscular structure everything is just a very ugly male just very fragmented and cannibal and gross

The United States is an indigenous nation and they all try to be Irish Italian or African big....and it's not beautiful....

Otherwise a man wanted me to do his homework about not going to AA....so I would do it....their awful annoying people who want 420 Navajo laws to give them developments their addictive tendencies are integral to.....so I would do it because they attract the punisher to their more violent and wild nature and I don't have to make people so sad they consider nukes at Dresden in revenge

Lamb of God these people enjoy killing the most delicate alive things?

I can't defend myself against a technocratic monster

I was just like I use to go to AA but it was like new York times best sellers ....it was just old addicts too into their personal fame and they just try to make my mental condition worse.... They were only addicts in life and they have things from Korean war theory casualties of the same force is more for them

Schools if a lot of the school feminines can't make it the Starbucks manager gets to be bigger obese with her crack dealer more regularly on time to her

That's why I eventually got a little obsessive compulsive about Being....I was white and that is my stuff that is just compensation and very careful about what I will take issue with ...

Vaccines is brain washing and neo Marxist reform gives me a renewal that cares more about recessive other genetic traits.....so I do ask myself a lot do I want that national African and white togetherness

Do I want narin and manju or is white and indigenous togetherness ruining my life all the time for Delhi privilege

If I want the dikshit screans that tells cars you cannot ever look at people you don't know and haven't paid I have to go get dumped in Delhi and that lady called them trains ..

Anyway I just said men that told me they went to AA....the punisher devil I guess on shadow of the West has really possessed those old church buildings hell bent on getting rid of God . ..so they tell me if they went their still very possessed people expected with age to lash out violently finally and let all their repressed sexual desires out.....

The devil wants to humiliate Arabs there and the beach and bay news reports it's been this Columbine cruel since 1999.....so you would have to ask locals for wisdom it gives me PTSD....

People like me are more prohibited then gang and so I notice people trying to psychologically force people to feel more harmed then they were by class action substances and force them into non addiction gangs....

They were kind of calling everyone who used substance compulsively a COVID cancer and now I've noticed the alcohol industry mission statement is responsibility and you would have to have been in an asylum for several decades to really really emergently need substance removed as a common custom.....

If you ask me my case history did influence alcohol safety and they continue to steal a lot of it from me and I'm what produced it's benefits.....im an alcoholic and those people won't get me a beer on occasion those horrible disgusting dull smokers won't get me a beer till isis I have to plan out hurting it off my benefits....

They steal so many of my things people pictorialize my cruelty....I just leave those gross ass whores to restaurant work and I maybe could help them uniform and be non invasive about lack of hope mass service can be ultimately hygienic....I just leave the stagflation to their slaughter porn....I hate them stealing my common things that much....

People like me about apostolic documentaries notice strange symbols on hoodies appear to be suicide bombers their mostly liberated to kill themselves......

So im the type of alcoholic that will want to liberate you to trust the large public system more then private meetings and don't ever let creepy gang ites around you .....

Ive also thought I could be the type of white really with indigenous people......and I too after this cruel of a poverty don't care if feds threaten delhi privilege with if you don't stop copping around with Germans at religious people I don't care really if a whole princely preserve is gone that forces you finally to help your treatied people's

Why for what for whom lots of doctors with expensive energy in Delhi for constant completely awful disgusting cruel incomptent retard here....or the light Nazi

Laudato Si....if you ask me for insight about terrorism it's that creepy subjective private royalties animals and I have to go hungry to feed crows......i do admit hateing people that kill the crows with my feed....

I was like that black lady with the Maltese is so cute though....addictions to native as European modeling is gross looking compared to her interesting ness but she finally told me calling africanism cop work military has so demonized her she helps starve me to feed birds hooved animal ....their birds they dont have canines

Their birds you cannot refuse them migration they don't innately live off tree food mostly

Don't give the birds things or they dont go south after that much destruction....

I was like she is pretty and interesting and the black men don't go to her right away and take her with them....

I don't go with that white man because he is for japaneese....he doesn't date white women I would have to be a bitch....

Truth is this poverty is so awful I have decided to legally stalk someone I could have dated just for something to do......not to harm them but because I read a European biography of an opera singer and it's how much do you really know about yourself if you won't play roles of very controversial pale people

Because the energetics can't be coped with without a simm character

God i should have been apart of that life.....

Otherwise I don't really like the white men here it's really obvious I'm not with their counter culture revenge and I don't trust them in some way...

And I was called a cutter by homicidal freaks that expected me to share my dinner table with them so I don't want to go to anyone unless I may really really want to go to them with complete toleration of me wanting to be with them and wanting and wanting

Stalking.....only pronoun can finally truly help this and stop it

Why for what for whom did your benefits go to far north geothermal while your local was called battle creek Rembrandts

I was with black people's long enough to notice they enjoy peace treaties with Europe and helping Europeans and have pre modern religions....so the basic care and needs of people is something most black peoples I have met do find important.....so that's why I suspect giving a sandwich to the birds is why the black men around leave her alone.....

People with too many obsessive compulsive beliefs about pork are with crack cocaine survivors and those black men do not go around her

I leave a lot of white men alone because they act like rock and roll and will just tell me if I hang out I'm being a bitch

Well this is makeing me really adhere to God and drill sergeantness so

[tumblunni]

Why is gyan amakano so cute. It should be illegal. I hate how he has such a huggable design and then his character is totally wasted on being half super evil jerkman half Every Fat Stereotype Simultaneously. Like seriously how did this even HAPPEN

Artist: ok so ive drawn this round softman in a cute lil fancy tuxedo who always carries lollipops in his back pocket

Writers: ah yes, the perfect Irredeemable Murder Cannibal Man

Or like..

Writers: we need an Irredeemable Murder Cannibal Man

Artist: dont worry bro i got ya *draws a big circle with a happy face*

Or of course theres the alternative universe where nobody involved in this project ever noticed that this character design looks fuckin precious, but i dont want to live in that world

And then he's only in!! Two episodes!! And theyre so weird and not great!! Its like they kept changing their mind whether he was meant to be funny or scary. Goes from "ha ha a fat man enjoys cookies" to "he literally wants to make cannibal cookies out of humans" to "but ha ha look he's cosplaying as the genie from aladdin, lets go back to laughs now".

And also they made him be a huge jerk to Are Bacchino and that pisses me off!! Its already a bit shitty that they made a character whose entire "joke" is that he has ocd/germaphobia and its meant to be funny? Somehow? That he has this mental illness? And is frequently exposed to stuff that terrifies him?? Funny how???? But then theres a really rather disturbing montage of Gyan punishing his sidekick by straight up triggering his phobia and YIKES MAN sorry thats even more evil than the cannibalism! Also why was it drawn all overly detailed and Saw-esque?? Why did we need so much art effort put into showing dirty feet and a guy being forced to stick his hand in a shit filled toilet. Was this someone's goddamn fetish or something???

So yeah. Upset.

U P S E T T I. R E G R E T T I.

I'm so mad they wasted a cool character deisgn and cool concept on such a shitty execution. Like even the plot could have been cool? They could have got a lot more episodes out of the idea of these two runnibg thru fairytale books and cosplaying as different classic villains. And if theyd just made a damn decision and gone with either funny cute or scary bad then it could have worked! Personally i am voting for funnycute obv course. But also thatd work best with this plot, it would have been better if it was just a low stakes goofy adventure with something like "oh this dude wants to find the legendary magic wish thingie to wish for a lifetime supply of chocolate and our heroes wanna wish for something actually important so thats why they fight". Could have even added some drama cos like he doesnt know the thing is actually dangerous and then what if he ends up possessed by it and you still get a fight with him thats pretty high stakes without having this weird inconsistant personality thing. Could be quite a dramatic twist to suddenly have comedy villain man as a genuine threat! Ans could be a way to resolve it all with friendship cos you could have Are Bacchino teaming up with the heroes to save his boss and then Gyan is like "whoa i guess you guys were 100% right all along" when he gets saved from his own bigass mistake and all. And then THE GAMES COULD ACTUALLY MAKE HIM PLAYABLE PERHAPS, JUST SAYIN

Also PLEASE rewrite like every single thing about the relationship between the two of them. Please take whoever said "yeah gyan should outright torture his one and only friend with a messed up Saw movie ocd-triggering machine" and throw them out the window. Consider this: what if..they were actually...friend. Like i feel they'd have enough comedy potential already just from being a "rival mafia" thats literally two people who are ludocrously incompetant at everything they do and only ever succeed at (literally) stealing candy from babies. Play up that side of things more! No need to throw random super evil shit at the funnymen to make them seem more intimidating, theyre at their best when theyre not intimidating at all. And you could still have the same gag of the fairytale world forms always being Gyan as some sort of classic villain and Are as a talking carpet or whatever, like just say thats how the magic works instead of Gyan doing it on purpose to be a jerk. And you could even still have Are being the funny underdog just from sheer bad luck instead of being purpisely mistreated by every single character in the entire cast. Or have it that Gyan is just a bit of a bumbling idiot boss who doesnt notice his mistakes and Are is like the hypercompetant sidekick who always ends up taking the consequences of those mistakes because he's like an overportective bodyguard. Which could also be a way to establish some cute friendship moments! Like i dunno someone's about to throw a pie at Gyan and Are does an overdramatic diving save and a whole fake death scene from the sheer horror of getting banana cream frosting on his suit. "Boss...go on without me..." *cough choke* And Gyan is like *equally overdramatic tears* "He made the ultimate sacrifice! I will avenge him!!" *charges forward to fight the heroes and just gets easily beat up like usual* And then its like *even more continually dramatic narration* "and the boss was beaten and bruised, but he carried me for miles through wind and storm" *over footage of like ridiculously impossible heroic adventures thay clearly didnt happen* And then it just cuts to the two of them sitting at like...ye olde fantasy laundromat. Are sobbing like "oh boss i'll never forget this" and Gyan is just like *thought bubble* "i wish i got to eat that pie tho"

I dunno maybe im naive but i just think shows are generally more fun when characters actually like each other and have motivations beyond self interest. Obvipusly not EVERY character has to be like that, but nobody is ever kind at all in the damn anime whether theyre villain or hero. And also specifically these sorts of minor role villains can benefit a lot from being fleshed out this way to become way more memorable! Like gin and kin became way better in Psychic Specters when they got the added trait of loving and cherishing their little brother. (To the point of it being a literal battle power that made their horribly hard boss fight even worse, lol!)

Also just...plz dont make a man so cute if hes meant to be big badness. Like seriously Are looks scarier than him and Are is like the least scary man to ever have those scary ass eyes! Smol depressed man with ocd and tol round lollipops friendo. I WANT TO LOVE THEM

Im gonna just cross my arms and sit here stubbornly hoping for The Anime/Game Effect to kick in. Like 99% of all characters in the anime are jerks and even when anime originals end up cameoing in the games they tend to become generally nicer and more well developed as people. So fingers crossed for a yw4 appearance thats full cute and 0% cannibalism!!!

Seriously fuckin.. CANNIBALISM

Why does the anime do that so much as a "funny" "joke"? The episode where Jerry murders a sentient dessert yokai in graphic gory detail still haunts me. "Ha ha its funny because technically theres no blood so we can show her gasping for breath with a hole in her lungs as a man eats her corpse" Did they put the entire budget into that one death animation??? Oh no cos they saved at least a little of it for the Herbiboy Gets Murdered By A Lawnmower episode T_T

Anime why u be this way.

[edge-lorde]

Relic and Relic II: Resurrection

by Jonathan Brookes

relic and its sequel (could be a part of a series?) are sci-fi books set in modern times where the american military, with aid from a contracted private company, have decided to start a program to clone neanderthals with the eventual goal to use them as soldiers. information leaks, military personnel gone rouge, and civilian meddling cause this plan to go awry.

but why do this thing in the first place? a few reasons. 1: the military assumes neanderthals won’t have human rights. theyll be able to completely control their ‘Thal population (yes they do use the term “’Thal”) and everything they do, including when they die, without violating human rights under the Geneva convention. 2: theyed be able to eventually replace all modern human soldiers with ‘Thal clones that would have no families back home and thus save “human” lives and prevent human suffering. 3: they could, through multiple generations, breed 'Thals to be the perfect soldiers, which they cant do with modern humans cause of human rights.  

believeability: 8.5. i think the authors reasons as to why the military would be interested in making a soldier class of clones they could have complete control of is sound. however, some of the finer points arent that believable, like that a pathologist at a morgue knows how to determine if DNA is neanderthal or not. 

idk because both books make jokes about how “this sounds like a crazy sci-fi plot!” but if your reading a sci-fi book you’re expecting that. its ok for the premise of a sci-fi story to be crazy as long as the science is explored, which i think it is. there are actual 'Thals in these books, though one of them has no lines and then dies and the other is a literal newborn baby who does little besides sleep. a baby who sleeps and eats? unbelievable! 

ive read a lot of neanderthal books now, and they come in 2 main flavors; prehistoric and sci-fi. the former speaks for itself. the latter usually has a plot where people are reacting to getting a hold of a live neanderthal, be that through cloning, time travel, or just discovering they never went extinct. relic definitely falls into that sphere, no doubt about it, what makes it unique is that it doesnt really explore those themes at all. the ‘Thal who dies? DNA saved for cloning and then cremated. no explanation as to how he even exists, he was just a college professor with no family ties or close friends who just *happens* to have enough neanderthal DNA to effect his appearance and has ‘Thal mitochondrial DNA. they just took samples of a few things and cremated him with out a second thought, zero calls to look into anything about him or save the body. the baby? treated as an asset to a company by both the “bad” military guys and the “good” civilians. the people with her best interest at heart wanted her to be raised as a normal child and essentially forgotten about by science, which i dont think ive ever seen before in this sub-genre. 

i actually think this makes the ‘Thals MORE believable, in a way... 

characterization: 9. like i said above, the neanderthals dont actually do much in the story, but when they are doing something its pretty human like. the baby does baby things. the college professor had autism, which has been proposed by real scientists to have some sort of neanderthal connection before, but is still up in the air as far as i can tell.

one of the civilian characters thinks that the reason ‘Thals would be better soldiers is that the military wouldn't have to feed them, they could just eat the enemies they were assigned to kill and generally terrorize the countryside. but he is the only character to bring that up so i dont think its reflective of the actual thal canon in this story. the baby isnt eating solid food yet though, so the jurys still out. at one point the military people decide the 'Thals will probably make better scientists than soldiers too. 

hybrids: 1.5. it acknowledges we interbred at some point so that counts for something. im going to count the college professor as a hybrid, and i guess the baby counts too. shes not an exact clone of a neanderthal specimen, shes got the profs mtDNA and test results said she was a 95% match for neanderthal DNA, so maybe theres some other stuff in that last 5%. 

interspecies sex: 1. in the broad sense, since we interbred. other than that, nothing. the prof didnt even have a girlfriend. 

accuracy: 7. this story is nothing if not researched, though still written by a layperson. most tidbits of information about 'Thals come from some published article. like the profs description, and the babys got red hair-- not accurate that all ‘Thals would have had red hair, mind you, but perhaps she is the clone of the specimen that is thought to have had red hair? passable. what is not passable is that the baby is said to look like a mixture of Asian and Caucasian, which, idk how your supposed to discern on a newborn in the first place, and second buys into a concept of race that would not have existed at the time neanderthals were around. shes also got blue eyes, which we currently dont think neanderthals had because our blue eye mutation happened after they went extinct, but it could be that the color will change as she grows, or 'Thals had their own blue eye mutation we dont know about yet. and there was something about the baby having pigmented sclera, though when it said her eyes were blue that didnt come up again so maybe the author dropped that. 

the baby was born a month premature but full size and healthy, could be an insinuation that neanderthal pregnancies were shorter, which i dont know if thats substantiated or not. she also needs to eat more than a normal baby and needs more protein and fat in her formula, but that one at least seems plausible. could be a glimpse of more voracious tendencies to come though, as the cannibal theory comes from danny vendramini’s body of work, no i wont link it. i dont think the author was going that way though. 

a lot of the actual science is glossed over too. like theres this one scene where a guy is trying to show a doctor how he knows the baby is a neanderthal and the book is like “he brought up some charts and talked seriously, then he brought up some other charts and compared the two.” 

OH and there was that whole deal with mitochondrial DNA. apparently the reason it was so important to get some from the prof is that mtDNA is harder to extract than nuclear DNA (i dont think thats true) and if you try to clone a neanderthal and give it modern human mtDNA it will age rapidly and die because the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell and modern human mtDNA doesnt tell the ‘Thal mitochondria to make enough energy. thats gotta be bullshit if i ever heard it. 

kind of hope the author writes another relic book. the second book was vastly better written than the first, so i can only hope the authors growth is exponential, and the second one ended on kind of a weird note. 

[highqualitydolans]

Cannibal {05}

Part Five

Read Part Four

Word Count: 5,100+ Warnings: Mature content and language (14+). Graphic content. Graphic depictions of corpses.

They tell you not to run when you spot a cannibal. They can only sense movement. They can hear you, too, but it’s their eyes that really seek out their prey.

So of course I freeze up completely when I see it.

Its flesh is hanging off its jaw, so I can see every single one of its teeth, all covered in blood and muck. I try not to gag.

I dare not to breathe as the cannibal preys around the room, looking in every which direction for movement. It must sense me in here.

Then there’s a scream.

I know who the voice belongs to, and it automatically makes my heart drop.

The cannibal growls and turns to the direction of the voice, running as fast as it can.

“No!” I scream, running after it.

It runs upstairs, following the continuing screams, screams that I’m sure will haunt me forever now. I hear them too, and each one cuts deeper into me, hope plummeting with every step I take up the stairs, and they’re loud, drowning out my cries to try to get the cannibal to come after me instead, so I have no choice but to follow it, letting my feet carry me towards what I’m afraid I might find.

I’m up the stairs, and the screams have stopped. I look down at my hands, knowing moments before I’d had  knife with me, but it’s gone now. I must have dropped it in fear of the worst.

And the worst was probably here.

There were no more screams, just the sounds of cannibals ravishing a meal. There’s four doors lining the hallway of the house I don’t remember coming to. Slowly, I make my way down it, each step heavier than the last.

The first door is a bathroom. Empty.

The second is a bedroom. Empty.

The third door. It’s covered in blood. Handprints a size I know. I’ve held those hands before, I’m sure of it.

Hot tears are streaming down my face now. I already know what’s behind that door and I’m not even in the room yet.

Sickening slurps and disgusting chewing fills the room as I enter.

Two cannibals. Over the body.

Her body.

Feasting.

I scream.

One cannibal turns to me, lunging without a second thought.

I open my eyes, gasping. I’d sit up, but I hardly have the strength.

My heavy breathing fills the cabin, and I realize I’m still at the camp, my arm wrapped snugly in a bandage and my foot propped up, just as it had been for two days now.

I swipe a palm down my face. I’m drenched in sweat from my nightmare. I quickly glance over at Y/N’s bed. She’s tucked under her own covers, facing away from me. I can tell her breathing is heavy, so I know she’s asleep. I’m only a bit surprised I didn’t wake her, considering I’ve always been a loud sleeper. It’s always worse with the nightmares, too.

Sighing, I look back up at the ceiling. I recognized the body in my dream. I can swear it was Y/N’s but I’m not sure why I’d dreamt of her.

She’s made it obvious since day one that she has no interest in me, but who can blame her? I haven’t exactly given her any reason to like me. What, with the capturing her and her people, almost taking off her friend’s head - although I swear I wasn’t going to, I was just curious to see who had the balls to stop me. And Y/N had been the one to so it.

Liza, I think that’s her name, she’s forgiven me for it. Said she hates me a little, but forgiven nonetheless. Y/N’s a different story. I don’t think she’s forgiven me. I’m not sure she ever will.

Something about her pulled me in that day in our sanctuary. She stood up to me like no one else had. It was the first real challenge I’d ever been faced since the virus broke out. Well, the first real challenge from a real human who hasn’t been infected.

Y/N begins to stir in her bed, making me turn to look at her. Her body flips over, settling further into the blankets, but she’s facing me now. I wonder how long she’s been asleep.

Or how long I’ve been asleep, for that matter.

I look out the deck door, the one that leads out back to the lake. It’s still a bit dark outside, but I can see the sun rising in the distance. It casts a warm glow into our room.

Now I’m looking at Y/N again, the sunshine on her serene face. It makes her look youthful and soft.

I know for sure now that it was her in my dream, being eaten by cannibals. The thought makes me tremble and I slowly sit up, trying to push the thought away.

I run a lazy hand through my hair as my stomach begins to rumble. I’m suddenly plagued with the memory of praactical starvation before I’d fallen asleep last night. I also remember Y/N standing over me, promising to bring me back food before we went to sleep, but I can’t remember falling asleep at all.

That’s when I notice a box of cereal and two bowls sitting on the table at the other side of the room. It makes my stomach growl louder, echoing off the walls. I almost laugh at how loud it is, especially after it makes Y/N stir again, folding her arm underneath her head. But she remains asleep.

I vaguely remember asking her to eat with me and her refusing, saying she’d rather die than do that. The memory pangs the nightmare of her still body back into my head, and I have to pinch my hand to make myself forget it again.

I’m too hungry to wait, though, even if I want to eat with her. So I slowly turn my body around, letting my legs fall off the bed, being careful with my covered one as I settle it onto the floor.

I limp my way to the table with my IV stand rolling beside me, grabbing both bowls and the cereal before taking them out the back door. I settle myself onto the ledge of the back deck, letting my feet dangle off the side. The wooden lining of the deck’s fence comes up to my chest so I can lean against it. I pour some cereal into one of the bowls, leaving the other one on the floor beside me.

No sooner than I take a spoonful into my mouth do I hear small padded steps coming to the door. I can hear it open behind me, but I don’t take my gaze from the lake in front of me, my arms resting on the wood as I scoop more cereal into my mouth.

“You started without me,” Y/N’s voice says through a yawn. She bends down to pick up her own bowl and then sits beside me, crossing her legs beneath her.

“You looked too comfortable. I didn’t want to wake you,” I confess. I still don’t look at her, I’m afraid of seeing my nightmare again.

She sniffs. Then she pours cereal into her bowl before setting it into her lap. “I brought this to you last night, but you passed out.”

I can see out of the corner of my eye that her foot twitches after she says this, a weird mannerism that makes me think she might be lying, but I pretend not to notice.

I nod at her, shoving more cereal into my mouth. Maybe if I eat long enough, I won’t have to say anything. Maybe she’s not as hungry as I am and she’ll finish before me and leave and go do whatever it is she does here.

My nerves are suddenly on edge around her, and I know it’s because of my dream. It had genuinely scared me, the thought of her dying before my eyes. I try not to shudder.

“I can see why you didn’t want to give up this cabin,” I find myself saying, trying to get the thought of her lifeless body out of my head. I feel her eyes on me for a second, but then she looks out to the lake, the sunrise on the horizon. When she’d been so adamant about staying here, I thought maybe it was because she’d been here from the beginning. It wasn’t until now, looking out at the lake, that I realize why she wanted to stay here.

“The world is so fucked up,” she says with a scoff. “It was even before the outbreak.” She’s silent for a moment, taking another bite, then she swallows and continues. “There’s so many fucked up things on this planet that you need to find something to remind you that there’s still some beauty in it. This,” she says, waving out towards the lake, “keeps me sane. Even if I lose someone to a cannibal or a group of assholes,” she pauses.

I swallow. It doesn’t take a genius to know she’s talking about me.

“Even if there are so many things that make this world so ugly, this is still here to remind me it can be beautiful.”

Now I look at her. She’s gazing out at the lake, the sunrise settled on her face making her look ethereal. My chest contracts simply at the sight of her.

Here, breathing.

Alive.

“That can apply to people, too, you know?” I say quietly, almost afraid that if I speak too loud, this moment might dissolve.

She turns her head to look at me, and it’s only now that I notice her eyes, bright and sparkling. They’re no longer threatening like they’d been at the sanctuary and they’re not skeptical like they’d been when Aaron, Grayson and I first showed up. They’re curious now, questioning.

“I’m really sorry about everything we might have put you through. I’m not perfect by any means, not that you don’t know that already. I’ve done plenty of fucked up things, before and after the outbreak.” I pause, gauging her reaction, but when her expression doesn’t change, I continue. “But I don’t want to be a bad person.”

She continues to look at me for a moment before sighing and looking down at her cereal bowl. “I don’t think you’re a bad person. I did when I first met you, but,” she trails off, a small smile curling at her lips. The sight makes my fingers tingle. She looks at me again, but doesn’t say anything.

“I just want you to know that I’m on your side now. All of us are,” I tell her.

She slowly nods her head, the hint of the smile still on her lips. “I know.”

Then we continue to eat in silence, staring out at the lake, watching as the sun rises in the distance. We eat the rest of what’s left of the cereal, managing to get get five bowls out of it - I eat three of them.

As I stuff the last spoonful of cereal into my mouth, a thought occurs to me. “You know, I don’t blame him or anything, but your boyfriend really does not like me,” I say through the mouthful.

Her head shoots up in surprise and she turns so her whole body is facing me. “Sorry?”

“That guy, Andrew?”

“He is not my boyfriend,” she sputters quickly, wiping her mouth.

My eyebrows inch upwards. “He’s not?”

Y/N frantically shakes her head. “No, why? Did he say that he was?” She looks horrified.

It’s incredibly cute.

I smile and turn back to the lake. “Nah, it was just the way he looks at you, I guess.”

Her brows crease together, seeming to contemplate this. She really has no idea, does she?

I remember when she’d been standing in front of me at the sanctuary, my dumb ass kept taunting her and Andrew had been behind, glaring up at me. If it hadn’t been for one of my men holding a gun against his temple, I would have sworn he would’ve lunged at me. His eyes had been daggers, ripping me apart by just looking at me.

I’d been kind of - only kind of - afraid of him.

“Well, I’m sorry if he gave off the wrong impression. We aren’t- we’re not…” She struggles, and I can’t tell if it’s because she likes him too or if she just genuinely is surprised by this newfound information.

“Hey, I was wrong, no big deal,” I assure her, leaning back on my hands. “I mean, who can blame him for looking at you that way? You aren’t too bad on the eyes.”

I like doing this, teasing her. It’s not too hard to get a rise out of Y/N and it’s just way too fun.

She slaps me hard on my arm - the bad one. I hiss in pain.

“Shit, sorry, I forgot,” she says hurriedly, placing her hand on my arm at the same time I do. As soon as my hand touches hers, she flinches, but she doesn’t retract it.

“We’re even,” I say with a wince, patting her hand gently.

“Maybe you should keep your snide comments to yourself and maybe we won’t have that problem again,” she says, her tone teasing.

I look at her again, really look at her, and smile.

We’re both silent, just looking at each other, and the spot where her hand rests on my arm is burning, but not from the pain. I wonder if she can feel it too as I lean in closer, my gaze falling to her lips.

“Y/N?” a voice says from behind us.

We jolt apart as Alexis pads through the cabin and out the back door. “Hey- oh!”

Y/N quickly stands and grabs both our dirty bowls, turning to Alexis.

“Am I interrupting something?” Alexis asks with a smirk.

“Breakfast,” I answer with a shrug, smirking myself. Y/N glances down at me, glaring.

“Oh. I see,” she replies, giving me a subtle nod. “Well, that’s actually what I came here for, but seeing as you already ate…”

“I’m on gate duty today, better get out there before Blaine has a cow,” Y/N says hurriedly before shoving the bowls into Alexis’s hands and retreating to the cabin.

Alexis watches her go, but turns back to me, not even trying to hide her smile.

“Gate duty?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “She’s exempt from gate duty.”

There’s a small tinge of hurt in my stomach. I get she might have been embarrassed by Alexis’s sudden arrival, but did she really need to make up an excuse to get away from me that badly?

“I’ve also never seen her blush like that before.” Alexis leans against the door frame, crossing her arms in front of her. “What were guys really doing?”

I sigh, but smile. “We were eating breakfast, talking about the beauty in the ugly, discussing her rendezvous with Andrew. The usual,” I finish with a shrug before turning back to the lake, picturing Y/N’s glowing face as she talked about it, her eyes full of wonder and hope.

I hear the clank of the bowls before Alexis comes to stand beside me, not sitting down, but leaning against the railing of the porch.

“He’s always had this thing for her. Y/N I think pretends not to notice, but…” She trials off, kicking spilt pieces of cereal off the porch.

“She seemed genuinely shocked when I mentioned it,” I say.

I can see Alexis’s eyes twitch in curiosity. When she doesn’t say anything, I decide to drop the subject.

“Well, don’t let me keep you from breakfast,” I tell her, leaning forward onto the railing again.

“Y/N’s been hurt before you know?” she says suddenly. I just continue to stare out at the horizon. The sun if still looming in the sky, but it’s much higher than it had been when I first came out here.

“I’m not telling you this because I think you need to hear it, I’m telling you because I love Y/N. She’s my best friend and means more to me than anything in this world,” she continues.

This confession makes my breathing pause. If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume Alexis is in love with Y/N the same way Andrew might be. I take a peek up at her, but she’s gazing out at the lake now, where there are kids beginning to swim and play around in the water. Her eyes are a reflection of Y/N’s for a second, a glimmer of hope shining within them as they admire the view.

“Her heart has been broken too many times to count.”

When she doesn’t elaborate, I squint up at her. “Why are you telling me this?”

She sighs. It’s a sound of consideration, as if she herself doesn't know why she’s telling me this.

“Because she’s fragile and I love her and I know what she looks like when she about to hand her heart to someone.”

She pauses, taking in the lake and the sun for another gleaming moment before glancing down at me, her eyes warning, but sincere. “Guard it with you life.”

And then she leaves, taking the bowls with her.

After a few more minutes of admiring the lake some more, and then deciding that it felt a bit creepy to be watching a bunch of kids play in the water, I make my way back into the cabin.

My foot feels so much better, and I only limp a little bit as I trudge towards my bed, towing my IV stand with me. God, I wish I could take this thing out.

On my bedside table is a couple more novels that weren’t there before. Alexis must have brought them to me. Beside them is the talkie that the nurse Bre had given me in case of an emergency. I can only hope she’s still in the infirmary and not out for breakfast as I take a seat on my bed and pick up the talkie, turning the knob on it to spike the radio.

I press down on the comm button and hold it up to my lips. “Bre?” When I release, I’m met with static. I try again, turning the dial just a bit before saying her name again. “Bre?” More static.

I sigh and go to turn the knob back into the off position when a booming voice echoes through the cabin.

“Bre’s out for breakfast, who’s comming?”

It’s not a voice I recognize, so I know it’s not David or Emmett or Andrew. I know the name Trevor has been mentioned before, but it doesn’t sound the way Y/N had described.

“Hello? Are you there?” the voice asks again.

There’s plenty of people in this camp, so it could be anybody, really. I’ve got to think fast.

“Um, are you a nurse, too?” I ask with a small voice, hoping I sound sick or something.

“No, I’m sorry. It’s Blaine,” the voice says. He must think I’m one of is typical residents, which is good, but it doesn’t help the growing pace of my heartbeat.

Alexis said to steer clear of Blaine for as long as possible. Apparently the guy doesn't exactly warm up to just anybody. He also knows who we are - the Scabs. Well, he knows our reputation in the way Y/N had before we came here. So suffice to say, he probably doesn't like us.

“Is this Matt?” Blaine asks. “You out of your meds already? I’d bring them to you myself, but you know Bre. Might have to wait until she comes back-”

I suddenly panic, unsure of what to say, so I turn the knob off, shutting down the talkie before my mouth fails me and I say something totally stupid.

I throw the talkie back onto the table and run my hands down my face, trying to simmer my nerves. But the hope is short lived when there’s a knock at the door, making me jump with a gasp. I roll my eyes, seeing a familiar silhouette through the screen on the door.

“What?” I ask Andrew with a groan. I fall back onto my sheets, placing my good arm over my eyes while I listen to the door open.

“Where’s Y/N?” he asks, his voice low and seemingly angry.

“Gate duty,” I respond with a shrug, letting my arm drop. I can see him smirk out of the corner of my eye. With a deep breath, I shut my eyes, clenching my fists and trying to keep myself from lunging at him

“She never has gate duty.”

“That’s where she said she was off to,” I answer, not bothering to look at him.

I hear him prance into the room and sit on her bed, and suddenly my blood is boiling already.

“She probably just couldn’t stand to be in the same room as you any longer,” he says. I finally look at his smug face as he leans back on her bed, making himself comfortable. “I probably just missed her at the chow hall.”

“We ate breakfast together.”

He stills, but only for a second. “You and her? Yeah right,” he says with a scoff. He closes his eyes in leisure.

“We did. We even watched the sun rise together.”

His eyes open.

“We ate cereal.”

His jaw tightens.

“It was delicious,” I finish.

“I don’t like you,” he says suddenly, sitting up in a flash.

“Really? I couldn’t tell,” I answer sarcastically. Behind my eyelids, I roll my eyes.

“Don’t get smart with me, asshole. It’s bad enough you’re under the same roof as her, but I swear to god, if you lay a finger on her, I will come down here, make you a cannibal’s snack, and chop off your limbs myself.”

My eyes shoot open. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. I’m sure you’d make a great test subject for that whiz kid.”

Aaron. He must be talking about Aaron. But how does he know about the research and his methods? The mention of cutting off my limbs makes me think of Stephen, Aaron’s most recent trial.

“I won’t think twice about sacrificing you. So keep your hands to yourself, Scab.”

After his final threat, he hops off Y/N’s bed and out the door in a flash.

My mind races.

When we had all talked about Aaron’s research, we never mentioned anything about how he was conducting his research, as a matter of fact, the topic was glazed over in that conversation. Y/N and Grayson suggested we go back to the sanctuary to get anything we could scavenge, but I knew it was much too dangerous to go. I wouldn’t allow them.

Now it clicks.

Y/N had slipped something into my drip last night, I remember. At the time, I’d thought it was just because I needed more healing fluids or whatever. I didn’t question because I thought she was just doing what Bre had told her to do. But now I know it must have been some sort of sedative to make me sleep so her and Grayson could slip out to scavenge for Aaron’s research. The only way Andrew would mention sacrificing me would be if they managed to get some of Aaron’s formulas after all.

God damnit.

Shaking my head in frustration, I grab the talkie back off the desk and switch it on. I turn the dial further than I had before, to seek out a different talkie, the one that’s in Grayson and Aaron’s cabin.

“Gray?” I say into it. His response is almost immediate.

“E?”

“You and Aaron get your asses down here, now.”

The line is silent for a few moments, but he eventually responds. “We can’t right now, Blaine is on duty.”

“I don’t give a fuck who is on duty, when were you going to tell me you went back to the sanctuary?”

Silence again. Blood boiling again.

“Who went?” I ask, not sure I want to know the answer.

“Me and a few of the others. Aaron stayed behind.”

“Who went?”

More silence. I try not to let my hand chuck the talkie across the room.

“Andrew, Alexis, Emmett, David…” Grayson pauses. I’m afraid I already know he’s about to say.

“And?”

“Y/N.”

I bring my fist to my mouth and bite down on a knuckle, letting it keep me from screaming. Why am I so mad about this?

My mind's telling me I should be grateful Aaron’s formulas didn’t fall into the wrong hands, but the thought of Y/N going there, where Jack could have been waiting to kill the first person who crossed the border, sets my skin on fire. And yeah, I’m worried about the rest of them, too, but a flash of Y/N’s lifeless body underneath two feasting cannibals crosses my mind for what seems like the thousandth time today, replaying the gorey, vivid nightmare I had last night.

“You drugged me?” I ask, remembering how Y/N had handled my drip last night.

“Don’t worry, I made sure she didn’t poison you or anything,” Aaron’s voice says right away.

“That’s not what-” I cut myself short, frustration taking over again.

“Look, Ethan, we knew you wouldn’t let us go. We needed to get these recipes before Jack did. We’re sorry,” Grayson says, his voice calm and quiet.

I sigh and rest my head in my hand, rubbing at my temple. “Was anyone hurt?” I ask, almost hesitantly. Y/N seemed fine this morning, but you can never be too sure.

“No. Everyone came back okay,” Grayson says. He’s silent for a second before adding, “Y/N was okay.”

He knows me way too well, and I don’t think it has anything to do with the fact that we’re twins.

Bre comms me a couple hours later, allowing me to almost finish ‘The Grapes of Wrath’, although it is probably the most boring book I’ve ever read. But I’m trying to appreciate it the way Alexis seems to. She’d gone on and on about how good it was. I really admired the gleam in her eyes when she talked about it, so I agreed to read it.

“103?” Bre’s voice says from the comm. I’m glad I didn’t turn off the talkie after I’d finished talking to Grayson and Aaron.

“I have a name you know,” I repl, holding it to my lips.

“You good?” she asks. Just her usual checkup.

“Actually, I was wondering if I’m good to go on the drip?” I ask, toying with the rubber tube attached to my arm.

“Hmm. Are you feeling nauseous at all?”

“Nope?”

“Overly tired?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Have you eaten today?”

“Sure have.”

The line is quiet for a moment before she speaks again. “I’m sure you should be okay. Just keep the supplies there in case you need it again. And come to me if your stitches open up. I’ll be there soon to take the drip out.”

“Actually, can you send Y/N to do it?” I ask, afraid there’s too much hope in my voice.

“That isn’t something I showed her how to do, but I’ll bring her with me. It will be better if she knows how to do it anyways, although I’m still a little on the fence about letting her touch my stuff anyways-”

“Thank you, Bre,” I cut her off, switching the talkie down before she can talk my ear off any more than she already has.

Not ten minutes later is Bre demonstrating to Y/N how to remove the drip safely and store it away properly for later use if we need it.

“And you have to be careful with the needle, we obviously don’t want you to poke yourself. And then you’ll store it here. I’ve packed some extra needles, though. Never reuse a needle.”

“Got it, Bre,” Y/N says, her voice laced with a hint of annoyance. She looks at me with wide eyes and smirk. I don’t return it. I’m too mad at her right now.

“All good?” Bre says, not waiting for an answer before trotting out the door.

Y/N shakes her head, closing the kit. “Gotta love Bre. Although she could probably go on forever about nothing and-”

“You left camp last night,” I tell her, cutting her off. She doesn’t say anything, just keeps her gaze on the kit at it zipped all the way shut. I stare at her back, almost daring her to face me.

When she does, she avoids my eyes and hooks her hands behind her back. I half expect her to look guilty, but there’s not a hint of it written on her features and when she meets my eyes finally, there’s pride there. Determination.

She really is not afraid of me, and that is probably the sexiest thing I’ve come to notice about her.

“Yes,” she says simply, her voice hard but quiet.

“Were you going to tell me?”

She narrows her eyes at me. “I might have, but you were asleep before we decided to leave.”

“Oh really?”

Her head cocks to the side ever-so-slightly, testing me. The corner of her mouth twitches and i can see her bite her cheek. She’s trying not to smile.

“So what was it?” I ask, standing up from my bed. Now without the drip in my arm, I can move freely, although still with a bit of a limp. “Diazepam? Midazolam?” I slowly step towards her. “Methohexital.”

Her eyelid twitches. Bingo.

“What would Bre say if she found out you stole her drugs?” I ask, stepping even closer to her. Her arms travel to her front, crossing over her chest.

She stays silent.

I step closer.

“Find anything useful while you were there?” I ask, stuffing my hands into my pockets.

I inch closer.

“Yes, actually,” she answers, not daring to move.

I’m all but standing right in front of her now, only a couple inches from stepping on her toes. I can see her neck and cheeks flush, but I don’t say anything.

We stand face to face for a good thirty seconds, staring the other down, neither of us saying anything, almost daring the other to move, but we don’t.

Her breathing is shallow and I’m sure she can see my ears turn red with my own blush, but she doesn’t say anything, either.

“Blaine has left the perimeter,” a female voice cuts through the room through the walkie on Y/N’s belt loop.

I smirk, leaning in.

My lips brush her ear for a split second.

“I’m going to take a shower.”

Then I walk to the closet, grab a change of clothes, and head out the door, the smirk never leaving my lips.

Writing Masterlist Cannibal Masterlist

[howtoloseweightfastsafely]

How To Deal With the "Stress Hormone" Before It Deals With You

I think an apology is in order. On my part.

I've dropped the "C" word on and off and mentioned how it can lead to stress, inflammation, disease and more.

And I've mentioned that it can especially lead to excess belly fat.

But I haven't actually explained it more in depth, or explained how it works.

And I haven't given you some simple strategies to reduce it.

Sorry.

Let's get into it now, and end any confusion.

As you've realized if you read the chapter title, the "C" word is Cortisol.

Cortisol is better known as the "stress hormone", which your body produces to help with certain necessary responses.

Before we get into the "bad side" of cortisol, let's discuss its merits.

One of the more well-known cortisol-related responses is the "fight or flight" reaction you have when you're in danger. In this scenario, cortisol plays a vital role in telling your muscles and liver to release certain enzymes, acids, fats, and glucose, in order to give your body the energy it needs to fight or flee.

This response was crucial just as much in evolutionary times, when faced with a life-threatening bear for example, as it is these days, when you may sense danger on a dark, empty street in a bad part of town.

Beyond the fight or flight response, cortisol is known to help metabolize glucose, fats, and protein, it is an anti-inflammatory, and it regulates blood pressure and cardiovascular function.

Lastly, it is the main component of the Cortisol Awakening Response (CAR), which refers to the slightly elevated cortisol levels we have in the morning. These levels gradually drop down as the day progresses. The CAR is thought to be an evolutionary mechanism that helped us wake up, and go on waking the rest of the day.

Now that we've covered the "good", let's get to the "bad".

The main idea to understand here is: beyond the acute, helpful cortisol functions (fight or flight; helping with recovery post-workout) and the morning awakening response, cortisol can get very chronic, very fast.

And when it gets chronic, research shows we're faced with everything from unmanageable stress levels to a wide variety of major diseases (heart disease, Alzheimer's, depression, and various cancers immediately come to mind).

Let me elaborate.

For starters, there are many different reasons that people have excess cortisol in their system.

There are a few recurring themes, though - namely, diet quality (or lack thereof) and stressful life situations (long-term pressure at work, financial issues, relationship or spousal tension, caring for elderly parents, etc.). And from a genetic perspective, many are naturally prone to anxiety or depression., and the stress/cortisol output that comes with it.

There are some "unknown" causes of chronically-elevated cortisol, too.

Besides chronic stress, the top 2 hidden causes are:

1. Excessive gym time followed by under-eating

a. High intensity, long duration exercise (especially "chronic cardio") training is proven to increase cortisol significantly

b. Basically, any time spent over 60-75 minutes ramps up cortisol like nobody's business, and it's made worse when we're too hard on ourselves to decide to eat next to nothing after a tough workout

c. Follow the workouts in the "6 Weeks to Lean" manual and you'll be outta the gym before you need to worry about cortisol building up.

d. Essentially, weight lifting, cardio, and any other high-intensity workouts deal with 4 main hormones:

i. Testosterone

ii. Growth Hormone,

iii. IGF (insulin-like growth factor)

iv. Cortisol

e. The first 3 are the anabolic hormones that build muscle (more muscle = less fat = healthier body and healthier 'look'). The last one, cortisol, is useful in certain circumstances but can also become very detrimental.

f. The key here is output of the anabolic hormones (testosterone, GH, and (IGF) stops after about 60 minutes of workouts, but cortisol keeps going and becomes chronic (and damaging to the body)

g. So, if you're working out for 2 hours, that's 1 hour or more of muscle-ruining, fat storing Cortisol permeating through your system. So, work hard and fast during workouts, and then stop!

h. Cap workouts at 1 hour, or 1 hr and 15 minutes including warm-ups. Then get adequate rest and recovery!

2. High levels of caffeine and sugar, which keep you "on edge" 24/7.

a. High cortisol in the bloodstream often correlates with the morning coffee... and the brunch coffee and post-lunch coffee, and the subsequent sodas and energy drinks consumed throughout the day.

b. But let's not be hypocritical - I have my morning cup of coffee, and most people do, too.

c. It's not unhealthy to have a bit of caffeine in the morning, and a few cups of tea throughout the day. However, it's important not to overdo it. (A surefire way to overdo it is drinking 3+ cups of coffee, plus sodas or energy drinks all day like many people do.)

Basically, having too much cortisol can have a highly negative impact on your body in the long term.

Too much cortisol means your body enters a catabolic state, whereby your body starts cannibalizing its own tissues (including bone, muscle and even brain matter) to get energy. Too much cortisol also signals your body to store excess fat, particularly in the midsection region (stomach, love handles, and butt/hips).

The reason for this is that your body thinks it's in mortal danger (the "fight or flight" response), so it's suddenly willing to use whatever resources it has available at its command to survive.

And when the body is spending time trying to fight off this perceived "danger", it doesn't give a rat's you-know-what about burning fat. On the contrary, any food at or above your limit will be stored as fat in the exact place you're trying to avoid putting it on!

You see the problem here: You drank that second cup of coffee because you like the way it tastes with those little hazelnut creamer packets they have at 7-11, and you inadvertently released a bunch of cortisol in the process.

And these chronically elevated cortisol levels mean increased stress, and increased stress causes mood swings, anxiety, depression and flat-out shrinkage of brain cells.

If your cortisol has been elevated for a long time, it's also possible your brain isn't even producing healthy levels of serotonin and dopamine anymore - causing you to enjoy pleasurable feelings less, and feel down in the dumps more often.

As mentioned, your cortisol levels are supposed to be naturally high in the morning - one of the actual good effects of the stress hormone is to help you feel bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when you first wake up. But they're supposed to drop off during the day - which means you have to be careful about the amount of caffeine you take into your system, and most importantly, when you take it into your system.

It's pretty simple: No caffeine after 12 PM (2 PM is OK if you go to bed around 12), except for a cup of green tea if you really need it. Generally, you want to have your last bit of caffeine at least 10 hours before bedtime, since cortisol levels are so closely correlated with our sleep/wake cycles. So for most people who go to bed around the 10-11 p.m. hour, it's best to stop drinking soda, energy drinks or coffee by noon. It's also best to have a daily "goal" of no more than one soda/energy drink/cup of coffee per day, and 1-2 cups of tea at most.

You want to max out at 400 mg. of caffeine per day (most coffee has between 150-200 mg already!) Your body doesn't really get much benefit after one, anyway - and you're just maxing out your stress levels!

While you're taking a long-term, nice and easy approach to reducing your caffeine consumption, here are some other methods by which you can naturally reduce your cortisol levels.

 Interested in losing weight? Then click below to see the exact steps I took to lose weight and keep it off for good...

Read the previous article about "The Simple Detox 'Cheat Sheet': How To Easily and Properly Cleanse, Nourish, and Rid Your Body of Dangerous Toxins (and Build a Lean Well-Oiled "Machine" in the Process)"

Read the next article about "7 Common Sense Ways to Have Uncommon Peace of Mind (or How To Stop Your "Stress Hormone" In Its Tracks)"

Moving forward, there are several other articles/topics I'll share so you can lose weight even faster, and feel great doing it.

Below is a list of these topics and you can use this Table of Contents to jump to the part that interests you the most.

Topic 1: How I Lost 30 Pounds In 90 Days - And How You Can Too

Topic 2: How I Lost Weight By Not Following The Mainstream Media And Health Guru's Advice - Why The Health Industry Is Broken And How We Can Fix It

Topic 3: The #1 Ridiculous Diet Myth Pushed By 95% Of Doctors And "experts" That Is Keeping You From The Body Of Your Dreams

Topic 4: The Dangers of Low-Carb and Other "No Calorie Counting" Diets

Topic 5: Why Red Meat May Be Good For You And Eggs Won't Kill You

Topic 6: Two Critical Hormones That Are Quietly Making Americans Sicker and Heavier Than Ever Before

Topic 7: Everything Popular Is Wrong: The Real Key To Long-Term Weight Loss

Topic 8: Why That New Miracle Diet Isn't So Much of a Miracle After All (And Why You're Guaranteed To Hate Yourself On It Sooner or Later)

Topic 9: A Nutrition Crash Course To Build A Healthy Body and Happy Mind

Topic 10: How Much You Really Need To Eat For Steady Fat Loss (The Truth About Calories and Macronutrients)

Topic 11: The Easy Way To Determining Your Calorie Intake

Topic 12: Calculating A Weight Loss Deficit

Topic 13: How To Determine Your Optimal "Macros" (And How The Skinny On The 3-Phase Extreme Fat Loss Formula)

Topic 14: Two Dangerous "Invisible Thorn" Foods Masquerading as "Heart Healthy Super Nutrients"

Topic 15: The Truth About Whole Grains And Beans: What Traditional Cultures Know About These So-called "Healthy Foods" That Most Americans Don't

Topic 16: The Inflammation-Reducing, Immune-Fortifying Secret of All Long-Living Cultures (This 3-Step Process Can Reduce Chronic Pain and Heal Your Gut in Less Than 24 Hours)

Topic 17: The Foolproof Immune-enhancing Plan That Cleanses And Purifies Your Body, While "patching Up" Holes, Gaps, And Inefficiencies In Your Digestive System (And How To Do It Without Wasting $10+ Per "meal" On Ridiculous Juice Cleanses)

Topic 18: The Great Soy Myth (and The Truth About Soy in Eastern Asia)

Topic 19: How Chemicals In Food Make Us Fat (Plus 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply)

Topic 20: 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply

Topic 21: How To Protect Yourself Against Chronic Inflammation (What Time Magazine Calls A "Secret Killer")

Topic 22: The Truth About Buying Organic: Secrets The Health Food Industry Doesn't Want You To Know

Topic 23: Choosing High Quality Foods

Topic 24: A Recipe For Rapid Aging: The "Hidden" Compounds Stealing Your Youth, Minute by Minute

Topic 25: 7 Steps To Reduce AGEs and Slow Aging

Topic 26: The 10-second Trick That Can Slash Your Risk Of Cardiovascular Mortality By 37% (Most Traditional Cultures Have Done This For Centuries, But The Pharmaceutical Industry Would Be Up In Arms If More Modern-day Americans Knew About It)

Topic 27: How To Clean Up Your Liver and Vital Organs

Topic 28: The Simple Detox 'Cheat Sheet': How To Easily and Properly Cleanse, Nourish, and Rid Your Body of Dangerous Toxins (and Build a Lean Well-Oiled "Machine" in the Process)

Topic 29: How To Deal With the "Stress Hormone" Before It Deals With You

Topic 30: 7 Common Sense Ways to Have Uncommon Peace of Mind (or How To Stop Your "Stress Hormone" In Its Tracks)

Topic 31: How To Sleep Like A Baby (And Wake Up Feeling Like A Boss)

Topic 32: The 8-step Formula That Finally "fixes" Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested (If You Ever Find Yourself Hitting The Snooze Every Morning Or Dozing Off At Work, These Steps Will Change Your Life Forever)

Topic 33: For Even Better Leg Up And/or See Faster Results In Fixing Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested, Do The Following:

Topic 34: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 35: Part 1 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 36: Part 2 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 37: Part 3 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 38: Part 4 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 39: How To Beat Your Mental Roadblocks And Why It Can Be The Difference Between A Happy, Satisfying Life And A Sad, Fearful Existence (These Strategies Will Reduce Stress, Increase Productivity And Show You How To Fulfill All Your Dreams)

Topic 40: Maximum Fat Loss in Minimum Time: The Body Type Solution To Quick, Lasting Results

Topic 41: If You Want Maximum Results In Minimum Time You're Going To Have To Work Out (And Workout Hard, At That)

Topic 42: Food Planning For Maximum Fat Loss In Minimum Time

Topic 43: How To Lose Weight Fast If You're in Chronic Pain

Topic 44: Nutrition Basics for Fast Pain Relief (and Weight Loss)

Topic 45: How To Track Results (And Not Fall Into the Trap That Ruins 95% of Well-Thought Out Diets)

Topic 46: Advanced Fat Loss - Calorie Cycling, Carb Cycling and Intermittent Fasting

Topic 47: Advanced Fat Loss - Part I: Calorie Cycling

Topic 48: Advanced Fat Loss - Part II: Carb Cycling

Topic 49: Advanced Fat Loss - Part III: Intermittent Fasting

Topic 50: Putting It All Together

Learn more by visiting our website here: invigoratenow.com

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 11 June 2018

Quick Bits:

30 Days of Night #6 concludes this retelling of the original 30 Days of Night story. The art from Piotr Kowalski and Brad Simpson has been great, but as the series has progressed, I’ve increasingly been wondering what’s the point? While there have been minor differences, this essentially amounts to the same story extended out further. Personally, the decompression doesn’t add a lot for me.

| Published by IDW

A Walk Through Hell #2 continues this weird and creepy horror story, with Garth Ennis, Goran Sudžuka, and Ive Svorcina giving us an ever present sense of dread with this story. It’s heavy. It’s dark. Ennis is dealing with some dark and depressing subject matter through politics, homophobia, and child sex trafficking and that’s just the backstory in the flashbacks. In the present, we get more terror and the appearance of one of Ennis’ favourite recurring story items. Also, the art is gorgeous.

| Published by AfterShock

Analog #3 takes a bit of a detour following up on Oona’s night out and the ramifications of it. I really like how Gerry Duggan and David O’Sullivan are teasing out this story, giving us glimpses into Jack’s character and supporting cast, making us really care about them and their predicaments, even while his job and being snatched by the government continue to simmer.

| Published by Image

Animosity: Evolution #6 begins the next stage in this story, as Adam continues to search down what exactly happened in the death of most of the lex animata. I love the mix of politics and thriller that Marguerite Bennett is throwing at us with this series.

| Published by AfterShock

Astonisher #8 kicks things into high gear as we approach the end of this arc. We get some impressive action sequences from Al Barrionuevo in the second half of this book, as Magnus begins to enact his plan to stop his brother’s nefarious plans and save his girlfriend from the clutches of Dr. Saperstein.

| Published by Lion Forge / Catalyst Prime

Babyteeth #11 nicely plays with conventions as Sadie trains to enter the hell dimension of the Red Realm to rescue Clark. In a typical action/horror story the hero trains and finds herself ridiculously good at everything, Donny Cates doesn’t play it like that. It’s kind of hilarious. Also, Gerry Brown shows off some impressive hellscapes as we get a little more information on the Red Realm.

| Published by AfterShock

The Ballad of Sang #4 takes an interesting turn as we focus on the Dandies capture of Sang and Lucy trying to talk some sense into the Black-Eyed Betties. This series has been over-the-top violence and fun, this issue is no different.

| Published by Oni Press

Betrothed #4 sees the crap hit the proverbial fan as the betrayal of Kieron and Tamara lies out in the open and everything goes to hell pretty fast. The action from Steve Uy is particularly nice.

| Published by AfterShock

Bloodshot Salvation #10 takes us almost in sync to when the series began, giving us a look at why Magic and Jessie were on the run, and what Ray was doing in 4002. It’s interesting how Jeff Lemire has been using time in this series.

| Published by Valiant

Bloodstrike #0 is an oddity, beginning the “Brutalists” arc that runs through this issue and then the two missing issue numbers from the original ‘90s series, #23 & #24. I’m not exactly the target market for this, as I have no real affinity towards Bloodstrike, but this is still interesting. Michael Fiffe is presenting a kind of origin story here, so you needn’t worry about having read any Bloodstrike before, but what makes it stand out is Fiffe’s approach to the artwork and storytelling. It looks and feels like an indie book out of the ‘80s, the offbeat and highly violent stuff that was out there and it has a nice appeal about it.

| Published by Image

By Night #1 is a fun debut issue, featuring all of the charm and humour that John Allison brings to Giant Days, plus some great art from Christine Larsen and Sarah Stern.

| Published by Boom Entertainment / BOOM! Box

Coda #2 is every bit as good as the first issue, possibly even better, as Hum finds himself the prisoner of an old wizard with dementia and his doting daughter. I loved Matías Bergara’s art in Cannibal, but the art here, with Michael Doig, is incredible. Bergara makes it look like he was born to draw this kind of weird fantasy.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

The Damned #10 begins “Daughter’s Danse”, with Cullen Bunn and Brian Hurtt kicking off Maura’s scheming. It adds another wrinkle to the already complex mess of the series’ crime drama.

| Published by Oni Press

The Dead Hand #3 keeps this thriller chugging along, with a new obstacle in an obstinate MI-6 agent trying to find his missing friend. The missing friend who, last issue, was murdered after stumbling upon the series’ mysterious test city in Russia. Some particularly nice action sequences from Stephen Mooney and Jordie Bellaire this issue, great layouts and use of colour washes.

| Published by Image

Deadpool: Assassin #1 reunites Cullen Bunn with another Deadpool mini-series, this time with some impressive art from Mark Bagley, John Dell, and Edgar Delgado in tow. Bunn writes some good Deadpool.

| Published by Marvel

Death of Love #5 ends this series in an unexpected way. Sure, some people are likely to be angry about it, but when you think about it, and read Justin Jordan’s missive in the backmatter, it makes sense. Dudebro Eros is also pretty funny. Good art from Donal DeLay and Omar Estévez.

| Published by Image

Dejah Thoris #5 is a bittersweet end to this first arc, with Dejah finding Ephysium and the source of the waters of Mars. Amy Chu and Pasquale Qualano are largely playing this as straight-forward adventures and it certainly works as that.

| Published by Dynamite

Domino #3 begins to give us some flashbacks to Neena’s childhood. I’m somewhat reticent when characters who bank on a mysterious past start to have their backstories filled in, but I trust what Gail Simone is doing here.

| Published by Marvel

Dry County #4 goes into the expected territory of an amateur detective’s professional (and personal) life suffering due to obsession with a case. Despite being expected, it’s still highly entertaining.

| Published by Image

Hunt for Wolverine: Adamantium Agenda #2 continues this bunch of New Avengers members search for Wolverine. It’s still one of the groups investigating that makes the most amount of sense, and the picture of what’s going on here comes even more into focus with a couple of other character reveals. Good stuff from Tom Taylor, RB Silva, Adriano di Benedetto, and Guru-eFX.

| Published by Marvel

Kick-Ass #5 shows again how easy it is to get in over your head when doing the wrong thing and addicted to the cheap, “easy” fix. Then everything goes to hell. Definitely like what Mark Millar, John Romita, Jr., and Peter Steigerwald have been doing with this story.

| Published by Image

The Magic Order #1 is an interesting start to this first series borne of Millarworld’s sale to Netflix. The art from Olivier Coipel and Dave Stewart is suitably gorgeous, with some really nice designs for the villain and one of the tricks to take the family off the board.

| Published by Image

Marvel Two-in-One Annual #1 is possibly one of the best things that Chip Zdarsky has written. This is an excellent character study in Doom, wrapped in revelations of bits of Victor’s past, the end to Secret Wars, and more. All with gorgeous art from Declan Shalvey and Jordie Bellaire.

| Published by Marvel

Nancy Drew #1 is a great first issue, presenting the kind of fun and exciting, beautifully illustrated mystery adventure that I’m used to seeing mostly from Boom these days. Kelly Thompson, Jenn St.-Onge, and Triona Farrell pack a lot into the initial salvo, giving us a conclusion to a goat-napping adventure, before propelling us into a personal crisis for Nancy Drew, while delivering a fairly large supporting cast. It’s fun and the art is wonderful.

| Published by Dynamite

New Mutants: Dead Souls #4 has the X-Men of all sorts coming together for Rictor’s funeral. Matthew Rosenberg and Adam Gorham put Magik through the wringer as she tries to deal with the loss and the burdens of leadership. Then the other shoe drops.

| Published by Marvel

Oblivion Song #4 has a lot of quiet moments, allowing for Lorenzo de Felici and Annalisa Leoni to really show off their chops.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Old Man Logan #41 begins another two-parter. I like how Ed Brisson is structuring these arcs, contributing pieces to the larger whole of the elder Logan’s story of his diminished healing factor, while telling discrete, entertaining stories in their own right. Also, some really nice art here from Francesco Manna and Carlos Lopez.

| Published by Marvel

Port of Earth #6 foreshadows something horrible happening at the port, as the introductory interview starts diving further into potential problems with one of the agents, looking for what looks like a target for blame. I like how Zack Kaplan is setting this up, even if the story does move relatively slowly in execution.

| Published by Image / Top Cow

Proxima Centauri #1 is some very weird sci-fi. It’s being done by Farel Dalrymple, so it should come as no surprise that there are odd visuals, strange characters, and bizarre occurrences, just as it’s rather entertaining and beautiful to look at.

| Published by Image

The Punisher #226 pivots Frank’s direction a bit to attacking Hydra. Matthew Rosenberg is layering a lot of humour into the script and it’s working very well.

| Published by Marvel

Quicksilver: No Surrender #2 continues what is an excellent character study of Quicksilver. I would argue that Pietro’s characterization of himself is a little too favourable, but don’t we always cast ourselves in a better light than we often are? Great work from Saladin Ahmed, Eric Nguyen, Rico Renzi, and Chris Brunner.

| Published by Marvel

Stellar #1 sees the return of another creation from Robert Kirkman and Marc Silvestri’s turn at Top Cow’s Pilot Season back in 2009/2010 after Demonic in 2016. You don’t need to have read the original one-shot to follow this. Joe Keatinge and Bret Blevins handle the creative and this is, well...stellar. Blevins’ artwork is amazing, with some truly breathtaking sci-fi imagery. This is a damn fine looking comic. The story of a reticent soldier trying to make amends for her horrible past is a common one, but it’s entertaining. Especially when you add the mix of possible unreliable memory and fuzzy reality. This looks like another winner for Skybound.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Thor #1 begins the third act in Jason Aaron’s epic run, turning towards the War of the Realms and the previously Unworthy Thor reclaiming his name and mantle. The various Thor series have been blessed with god-tier artists from Esad Ribić through Russell Dauterman, and this book continues that traditional with Mike del Mundo handling the main story and Christian Ward the back-up. Even if the story wasn’t exciting, with an added amount of humour that’s been missing for a bit as the last volume took a serious turn, the art alone would be worth the price of admission.

| Published by Marvel

Tomb Raider: Inferno #1 follows on from the story in the Survivor’s Crusade mini, with Lara travelling to Antarctica to discover the secret that Trinity is willing to kill to protect there. It’s nice to see Phillip Sevy doing more Tomb Raider artwork. If you like the games since the 2013 reboot, I largely consider these comics a must. 

| Published by Dark Horse

Transformers: Lost Light #18 continues this arc that, like its counterpart in Optimus Prime, is bringing all the chickens home to roost.

| Published by IDW

Venom #2 is just as excellent as the first issue, with Donny Cates, Ryan Stegman, JP Mayer, and Frank Martin building upon Eddie Brock’s legacy and adding new lore to the history of the symbiotes. Stegman is probably doing the best art of his career here, this book looks incredible.

| Published by Marvel

The Weatherman #1 is an interesting debut, bringing to mind to me some of the weird, offbeat, and humorous sci-fi like The Fifth Element. Jody LeHeup and Nathan Fox start this series off straight enough, with a future Mars mourning the loss of Earth, seemingly transfixed only by the “extreme” antics of the titular weatherman. It’s a weird premise, sure, but it’s entertaining, and gets even more so when the other shoe drops. Some really great art from Fox and Dave Stewart.

| Published by Image

Witchblade #6 sees Alex assemble her Scooby Gang to help investigate the kidnapping of her guardian demon, Asher. Caitlin Kittredge is doing a great job of building up the supporting cast, as well as giving us glimpses into Alex’s past. This continues to be one of Top Cow’s best looking books, with phenomenal art from Roberta Ingranata and Bryan Valenza.

| Published by Image / Top Cow

Xena: Warrior Princess #5 brings the first arc of this series to a conclusion. The art from Vicente Cifuentes and Triona Farrell has been a real high point for the book and this issue is no different.

| Published by Dynamite

X-Men Blue #29 jumps ahead a bit, taking us past the original five’s return to Earth and the events of Venomized, to spotlight a transformed Jimmy Hudson on the run from the team. It’s a good follow-up to the Venom event so far with some very nice art from Nathan Stockman and Matt Milla.

| Published by Marvel

Other Highlights: Accell #11, Betty & Veronica: Vixens #7, Copperhead #19, DuckTales #9, Exiles #4, The Fix #12, Invader Zim #31, Kaijumax: Season 4 #1, Mage: The Hero Denied #9, Marvel Rising: Alpha #1, Mech Cadet Yu #9, Monstress #17, Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #305, Resident Alien: An Alien in New York #3, Rose #12, SHIELD #6, Spider-Man vs. Deadpool #34, Star Wars: Darth Vader #17, Star Wars: Thrawn #5, The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #33, World of Tanks: Citadel #2

Recommended Collections: Babyteeth - Volume 2, The Beauty - Volume 4, Dakota North: Design for Dying, Defenders - Volume 2: Kingpins of New York, Invincible Iron Man - Volume 2: Choices, Rumble - Volume 4: Soul Without Pity, Slots - Volume 1

d. emerson eddy thinks it’s probably a bad idea to eat deep fried mozzarella sticks and marinara sauce at one in the morning, but is doing it anyway. Clearly, he’s a demented rebel just asking for a heart attack.

[scientistician]

omg there are so many fuck

rules: complete the questions & say who tagged you in the beginning. when you’re finished, tag people to do this survey. have fun and enjoy!

@mgcroft​ tagged me again thanks bro <3 

1. are you named after someone? anna is from my greatgrandmother who died right before i was born and was one of my dads favorite people, and kathrine my granddads aunt’s middle name, who my mom liked better than pretty much anyone in her family and my parents chose her middle name cause they didnt wanna call me ingeborg 

2. when was the last time you cried? prob a bit every time my dad is a dick but ive been holding it together pretty well lately. last time i really cried was when i saw my brother crying. 

3. do you like your handwriting? lets just say it could be worse??? idk sometimes i like it but also there are people with amazing handfonts, like HOW

4. what is your favorite lunch meal? breakfast :) (maybe i should elaborate: ideally i get up around lunch time so that lunch is really breakfast. or maybe breakfast is lunch?) 

5. do you have kids? nah, dont know if id be a good mom either 

6. if you were another person, would you be friends with you? would i know how shitty of a person i am?? probably not, but also depends on what other person i am 

7. do you use sarcasm? yes most of the time 

8. do you still have your tonsils? sí but my parents are saying i should get them removed cause i keep getting tonsil stones 

9. would you bungee jump? id like to say yes but i also know myself and might chicken out unless i have my best friend w me to cheer me on (read: push me) 

10. what is your favorite kind of cereal? depends on what im craving, probably coco pops tho, and only the kelloggs version of stuff 

11. do you untie your shoes when you take them off? no

12. do you think you’re a strong person? in some respects sure but generally not at all 

13. what is your favorite ice cream? strawberry boissssss 

14. what is the first thing you notice about people? whether their movements and the way they talk fits the way i see their personality 

15. what is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? not sure i get the phrasing but prob my knees? if were talking “things youd like to change” its knees cause i wanna retain who i am, and also not have it be something where im reminded every moment that i changed that thing, so knees seems pretty good. also id like to be taller cause im too short for everything 

16. what color pants and shoes are you wearing now? grey sweatpants and no shoes (but like i said unmatching socks) 

17. what are you listening to right now? not sure, im on spotify daily mix (checked, its wild child by lupe fiasco) 

18. if you were a crayon, what color would you be? wtf kind of questions is this (gotta check crayon colors) okay i cant find a good color chart but probably some kind of earth tone 

19. favorite smell? no idea, probably dogs, but i also really like the smell of raw meat (dear cia im not a cannibal pls dont assassinate me love ak) 

20. who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my mom to say goodnight 

21. favorite sport to watch? dancing, that shit looks amazing and is inspiring as hell 

22. hair color? baby’s first poop 

23. eye color? blue/grey 

24. do you wear contacts? yea but not rn, for school i mostly wear glasses 

25. favorite food to eat? nachos, and pasta with this one sauce you get at a restaurant in germany 

26. scary movies or comedy? dont really get scary movies, but on the other hand comedies usually dont make me laugh :( 

27. last movie you watched? Moana 

28. what color of shirt are you wearing? wearing a grey sports jersey-kinda shirt 

29. summer or winter? summer but not too hot pls 

30. hugs or kisses? both?? like why we gotta limit ourselves? but hugs with most people, i love hugs 

31. what book are you currently reading? reading so many books rn and i never get to finish them cause i dont have time and lose interest but here the ones i remember: pride and prejudice, one of the original sherlock holmes stories, house of hades, the stranger, thinking fast and slow 

32. what do you miss right now? my brother, my best friend, happiness, getting carelessly drunk, being able to talk to other people easily 

33. what is on your mouse pad? lol who still uses mouse pads 

34. what is the last tv program you watched? just caught up on the flash but im watching its always sunny in philadelphia rn 

35. what is the best sound? happy growl of a dog maybe? never thought about this before but thats the sound that came to my mind 

36. rolling stones or the beatles? neither is really my thing 

37. what is the furthest you have ever travelled? went to tenerife, which is technically africa but counts as europe, and the furthest east ive been is bulgaria, but im going to georgia (the country) for a conference this summer  so thatll maybe be the furthest? not sure. and think im going to the us with my dad sometime soon and then thatll be it 

38. do you have a special talent? i can wiggle my ears (its not as cool as people think :( ) 

39. where were you born? konstanz, germany, which, fun fact, is a city that is half in germany and half in switzerland but its called kreuzlingen on the swiss side 

gonna tag all of u guys cause i dont know all these things and it seems like something youd wanna waste time on: 

@gibberingme @gel-toothpaste @rnalloryrose