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vale-priestess · 2 years ago
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❀ MAYPOST ❀
Below is an article of mine I’ve shared before, about how Wiccans (especially those outside of the UK) have a skewed perception of May Day that does not necessarily reflect surviving traditions. This was long before the TERFs really started to take hold over the “nature-based” demographics; many of these harmless folk customs would be outlawed if they had the power to do so. Anyway, here it is in full, because nobody wants to click through a bunch of links. (archived here)  ❀ Some time ago, I began to question what I've generally been told about British folk traditions. May Day, for example. I was so busy re-educating myself about folk festivals in Gaelic cultures, that I never stopped to question what I knew about British ones. My following visit to Wikipedia was illuminating.
Here are some things I was surprised to learn.
1. May Day is feminine and twee by today's standards.
At a neopagan festival, you're likely to encounter a maypole, and any dancing that occurs will be performed in the weaving of the ribbons around it. In England, there's a lot more dancing. Elaborately choreographed dancing. Young and old folks dancing. With bells. And ribbons. And wands. And little hankies. And flowers. Flowers on hats. Men's hats. 
These Cotswold dancers, for example. Or these dancers at Oxford Circus. As you can see from some of the comments, the average citizen tends to find these displays uncool and annoying. Failing to combat this attitude is a contingent of "goths and pagans" on a mission to butch the whole thing up with black clothing, phallic pantomime, and seasonally inappropriate hats - much to the disapproval of traditionalists (and people who can see.) 
Happily, morris isn't restricted to the month of May. They are also seen on other holidays, such as St George's Day and Pentecost. On Plough Monday, dancers in East Anglia gather in “molly teams,” made up of jolly, burly types dressed like little girls. 
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Royal Liberty Morris dancers and “molly”
2. The May Queen can be a little girl.
Wiccan and neopagan literature tends to emphasize the idea of May Day as a marriage rite between the “king” and “queen” of spring. But that doesn’t necessarily describe the festivals that have survived to the present day. In many townships, the sole representative of springtime is the May Queen: a young girl chosen from among local students in their pre-to-mid-teens. 
She is crowned before her community and a procession is made to welcome her rule. 
She may have a wide cast of characters and troops to accompany her, including musicians, dancers and attendants. One of the longest running May Day fairs is held each year in Hayfield, Derbyshire, where there are many roles and silly costumes donned by children and adults. 
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Hayfield May Queen attended by girls dressed as beefeaters.
There is precedent for a May King, however, to be found in some Early Modern sources. Here's one mention of a "Lord of May" from the diary of Henry Machyn, in 1557: "On the 30th day of May was a jolly May-game in Fenchurch Street (London) with drums and guns and pikes, The Nine Worthies did ride; and they all had speeches, and the morris dance and sultan and an elephant with a castle and the sultan and young moors with shields and arrows, and the lord and lady of the May." These military characters may reflect the Spanish origins of morris dance, where battles were reenacted to commemorate historical conflicts with Morocco.
Additionally, in Sports and Pastimes of the People of England, the author tells us that "in the comedy called The Knight of The Burning Pestle, written by Beaumont and Fletcher in 1611, a citizen, addressing himself to the other actors, says, 'Let Ralph come out on May-day in the morning, and speak upon a conduit, with all his scarfs about him, and his feathers, and his rings, and his knacks, as Lord of the May.' His request is complied with, and Ralph appears upon the stage in the assumed character, where he makes his speech, beginning in this manner: With gilded staff and crossed scarf the May Lord here I stand." Strutt also notes the appearance of Robin Hood appearing in May Day performances, accompanied by "a female, or rather, perhaps, a man habited like a female, called the Maid Marian, his faithful mistress." 
From this, we see that...
3. The May Queen can be a drag performer.
In the late 1880s, chimney-sweeps and other guild-workers had developed their own styles of celebration. For them, the "Lady of the May" was typically played by a man, for comedic effect. She carried a ladle and was dressed like a flirty cook, while the "Lord of the May" was dressed as an admiral, or a gentleman in a powdered wig. I find this example interesting, not just for its urban setting, but for the satirical quality of the characters involved. Also, these games came about after morris traditions had lain dormant in the countryside for some time.
Some regions have processions led only by Robin Hood and Maid Marian. Interestingly, the Maid Marian was the sole focus of these pageants for centuries before the Robin Hood mythos came into being, and continued to preside over the festivities long after he had faded from popularity.
Another one of the oldest continuing May Day processions is the Abbots Bromley Horn Dance, dating back to the 11th century. Here, Maid Marian has no consort. Then, as now, she was played by a young man. 
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The Horn Dancers consist of the horn bearers, the Maid Marian, the Fool, a boy to keep time on triangle, and a boy with a bow and arrow. In recent years, girls have also been allowed to participate in the boys’ roles.
4. The May Queen can be a doll.
This is an interesting practice that bears a close resemblance to the Gaelic custom of making the Brideog doll on Imbolc. The Oxford Dictionary of English Folklore tells us:
The most widespread and best known May Day activity in the 19th and early 20th centuries was the children's garland custom. In essence, this involved groups of children visiting houses in their community showing a garland, singing a song, and collecting money. [...] A regular, but not ubiquitous, feature was to place a dressed and decorated doll (sometimes more than one) in the centre of the garland, or in front of it. She was usually called something like Her Lady, or The Queen, and treated with great respect. Commentators assume she represented the Virgin Mary. In some places, it was the doll which was given precedence, rather than the garland, transported in a decorated box or basket... 
In this write-up from a UK newspaper, we're told:
There has been much debate about what the May Doll represents. Some believed it was the Virgin Mary, to whom the month was dedicated, others Flora or the May Queen. One of a group of young girls told a folklorist in Bampton, Oxfordshire in the 1970s that their doll represented a goddess whilst another in the group said it was Minerva! In Edlesborough, Buckinghamshire, two dolls, one smaller than the other, were carried in a covered decorated chair to resemble the Virgin and Child. 
It also notes that in some counties, this doll was called "the Maulkin." Bringing this all back around, these etymology geeks claim that "maulkin" or "malkin" was once a common term for the young man dressed as the lady in May Day dances and parades. Guess playing dress-up was always the point.
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What strikes me the most after learning all of this? Overall, traditional May Day festivities seem...almost diametrically opposed to the image presented to me by the pagan community, which was all about reinforcing strict gender roles. On the American side at least, I think a lot of pagan men would find the absence of a May King intolerable, and the presence of a drag queen unthinkable. In their minds, this can't be what their ancestors intended. If they can invent their own May Day to be more heavy metal, then they will do just that. 
I am not here to say that old customs are good and new ones are bad. Many of the traditions described above were revived in the 1900s, by new communities who did new things with it. There were also debates in the mid-20th century, around whether women should be allowed to participate in May dancing, despite the fact that women were evidently involved both in its history and preservation. So it’s not as if the legacy of May Day is totally free of sexism or revisionism. What I'm here to say is this: Sometimes, when a person claims to be practicing an ancient faith that's been passed down secretly through the country-ways of the common-folk, you have to ask yourself: what is it they're really advocating? Tradition? Clearly, tradition has no problem with unmarried girls or cross-dressing men. Nature veneration? Somehow, the seasons kept turning through all this. If someone is telling you a story about what your forebears practiced, believed, or valued - can you be sure they’re telling the truth? To the best of their ability? It's important to be sure, I think, if we sincerely want to honor the past.
Extras:
Jack-In-The-Green Revisited
Quest For the Queens is a collection of BBC footage of May Day festivities in New Westminster, from the 1930s onward.
The Hayfield May Festival in 2011.
Nigel Pennick with a May garland and doll, plus a song on accordion.
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loveireandblog · 2 years ago
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The way I talk is so diff these days. Win for me. I round it up lol. Point, evidence, explain
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il-miele-che-scrive · 8 months ago
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the one where Y/n and Charles had different priorities
this is maybe a bit chaotic because I had one idea and unclear vision, but I like how it turned out eventually
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username1 How do you know? HOW DO YOU KNOW?!
username2 They have WHAT
username3 nah I don't believe in love anymore
username4 But they were together since even before Charles was in formula 1🥺
↳username2 Right? I thought they'll be together forever
username5 And there goes my hope for them to announce an engagement soon
↳username6 Sameeee except I thought someday they'll just have a secret wedding and not tell the media until weeks/months after
username5 Ngl that sounds like a them thing to do
username6 Well, not anymore
username7 My only question is why? 😭
↳username1 Literally because they seemed like a perfect couple. What could go wrong?
username8 Shit, that hurts more than my parents' divorce
username9 THEY BROKE UP AFTER 8 YEARS??
↳username10 what 😳
username9 They were together since 2016, I remember Charles saying this in some interview
username6 Yup that's right, he mentioned it many times, he was so in love with Y/n. I swear even recently he said after so many years he still falls in love more and more each day
username9 She was there for him when his dad passed, when Charles joined F1, when he signed up with Ferrari, when he won his first F1 race, I wonder what happened that made them break up so suddenly
username10 Oh so she was there for basically a huge part of his life
username5 I remember when Charles said "she's not a part of my life. She IS my life" about Y/n😭my standards for men have been high up in space ever since
username11 Wow just like Sainz broke up with his long term girlfriend last season. Let's just hope Leclerc won't pop up with a new girl weeks after that
↳username12 Charles and Y/n could be broken up for a long time now, we can only speculate when they broke up
username5 Imagine if Charles posted the Vegas vlog after their breakup 🥹 I'm not okay
username12 That was so unnecessary to say, I'm crying now
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yourusername One for the money, two for the show, I never was ready so I watch you go
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username1 The caption guys...
↳username2 Does that mean what I think it means?
username3 What do you think it means?
username2 "I never was ready" he wanted to take things to the next level, but she didn't. "So I watch you go" means she had to let him go because they didn't want the same thing
username3 How could she not be ready after whole 8 years?
username2 Every person matures in their own time and that's okay, they'll both find someone else
username4 That's a Swiftie going through a breakup
username5 Noooo it's confirmed now 😭 as long as neither of them confirmed it I could stay delulu and think the rumours are just rumours
oldersister Thank you for babysitting Snow White 🐈‍⬛ (I wish there was a white cat emoji)
↳yourusername It was my pleasure! She's an angel (and a professional model)
oldersister Feel free to come over anytime you want, Snow White loves her aunt 🤍
youngersister HEY how dare you steal Y/n like that!! I wanted to take her out for milkshakes sometime
oldersister Chill, you can do that whenever you want I'm not stealing anyone
yourusername I'd love to go out for milkshakes!!
lilymhe No more Y/nLily in the paddock?
↳yourusername The paddock isn't the only place where we can hang out 😂
landonorris what are you up to on the 2nd pic? 🤨📸
↳username2 LANDO, DON'T
↳username4 LANDO IT'S TOO EARLY
↳username1 DONT RUIN OUR CHANCES TO HAVE Y/NCHARLES BACK
↳username1 Fuckboy Lando been doing too much fuckboying lately
username6 Didn't know she's a smoker
↳username7 Yeah, she was very secretive about it
username2 It's not like she was hiding it from y'all
username7 She was, probably because she would be canceled for being a wag who smokes cigarettes
username2 A grown woman can do what she wants
username6 It's better that they broke up, way healthier for Charles to not be around a smoker
username2 Wtf she was with him through bad and good times, supporting him no matter what, loving him, making beautiful memories together and you say it's good that they broke up because she smokes?
username4 May I add we never saw her smoking throughout the 8 years, she probably started after the breakup
username5 after the breakup or BECAUSE of the breakup?
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charles_leclerc Leaving Bahrain with a good result despite some difficulties. Pretty good weekend if you ignore the braking problem, now onto Jeddah next 🏎
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username1 brAking problem or brEAking problem?
username2 How is that the start of the season and there's already something wrong with his car?
yourusername Congratulations on finishing P4🏁given the issues your car had, you did a spectacular job
↳charles_leclerc Thank you 😇 I tried my best, but felt like something is missing
yourusername I'm sorry :(
↳username3 WHAT IS Y/N DOING HERE? ARE THEY BACK TOGETHER?
username4 I wish I could believe they are, but I guess some people break up on good terms
username3 How could anyone end a 8yrs old relationship and be friends? 😭
↳username5 Jail for miss Y/n for leading fans on
username6 He looked so sad the whole time, during interviews and all that 😔
↳username7 Yeah he's either done with the car already or he misses Y/n that much
username8 DID Y'ALL SEE THAT ONE INTERVIEW WHERE HE GOT ASKED ABOUT Y/N NOT BEING IN BAHRAIN??
↳username6 WHAT INTERVIEW??
username8 A lady asked him why Y/n isn't here because she never missed the first race of the season before so it's surprising. He officially said that over the winter break they've decided to part ways due to focusing on different aspects of life🥲
username9 How do you figure something like this out after 8 fucking years? They wasted each other's time
username7 Calm down lol they grew and matured with each other, experienced how their love evolved throughout the years, no time you put into this is a wasted time
username10 I need to know what are the aspects of life they focus on and if they really are that different
↳username11 From what I figured from Y/n's post and Charles' interview - he wanted to get married, maybe even start a family and she wasn't ready
username10 Ahhh I remember how a few years ago Charles said he wants to have three kids. Such a shame Y/n doesn't want the same thing, but it's understandable they figured it now. They were kids themselves when they started dating lol
username11 Not really, they were both over 18 years old
username10 I know, but still that's a pretty young age and you might not know yet what do you really want in life
username12 Plus your brain develops until you're 25, they both turn 27 this year so it explains a lot
username13 I'm telling you, there would be no problems if Y/n was there, @/yourusername get your lazy ass on a plane to Jeddah
oldersister Amazing performance this weekend👏
youngersister Goodluck for Jeddah 🍀
username14 The way Y/n AND her sisters still interact with Charles on social media...
↳username15 Yeah like are they actually broken up??
3 weeks later
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yourusername You'd be surprised if I told you why kangaroos are called kangaroos
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username1 What is miss doing in Australia during the race week?
oldersister I told you this story is fake 🙄
↳yourusername But it's funny so I'm gonna believe it
oldersister Kangaroo DOESN'T mean "I don't know" jesus christ
username2 I thought it does 😭
username3 Too much Tiktok I guess lmao
youngersister Glad I could have milkshakes with you in Australia 😌
↳yourusername Back at you although that was a strange excuse to go to Australia in the first place
youngersister It's just not the same in Europe
arthur_leclerc Y/n in her natural habitat🦘
↳yourusername I swear I was a kangaroo in a past life
↳username4 What is going on? Y/n and Charles broke up but they keep interacting with each other and each other's families
username5 I NEED to know which city it is
username6 Is that true all announcements on public transport are made with Oscar Piastri's voice??
↳yourusername Yup, I wonder how much convincing it took to get Oscar to do the voiceover
landonorris not a lot to be honest
username5 AHA so she is in Melbourne! Also, what are you doing here Lando?
landonorris do you wanna hear another aussie fun fact?
↳yourusername I'm scared but yes (as long as it's not about thongs)
landonorris do you know what an australian kiss is?
yourusername @/oscarpiastri please put Lando back in his cage
username7 HELP I'M GASPING FOR AIR, LANDO ALWAYS TAKES THE CHANCE TO SHOOT HIS SHOT
username8 Not gonna lie it pisses me off how Lando tries to "flirt" with Y/n in her comments
↳username2 Me too, it's not ethical
username9 I'm afraid Lando doesn't care lol and I don't think Y/n would ever consider going out with another driver considering Charles and her broke up on good terms
username10 I'm just wondering if norris ever tried funny business back when Y/n would come to races
↳username11 prolly not but hey now he's free to do it
username5 Just because he's free to do it doesn't mean he should do it
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username2 OH 😃
username3 So that's what she's doing in Australia
username4 Wait why is Jacob Elordi in Australia?
↳username2 Well, Jacob is Australian, why wouldn't he be there?
username4 HE'S AUSTRALIAN?!
username5 One thing Charles can't beat is the height 😩
↳username6 Is it worth it tho? Jacob treated his exes pretty badly, he's a cheater
username5 And? People change
username6 Bro, he cheated on Zendaya
username5 Chill out, maybe Y/n isn't even on a date with him, maybe they're just hanging out
username7 If I were Y/n I would enter my hoe phase now and Jacob is a good choice to start with
username8 THIS CAN'T BE TRUE
username9 Charles where are you? 😭 Y/n is a sweetheart, she shouldn't be with Jacob
username10 Sometimes I regret opening this app
username11 Didn't Jacob attend a few races? Is that were he met Y/n?
↳username12 Keep saying things like this and watch gossip unfold about how Y/n was waiting to leave Charles for Jacob
username13 Miss girl did a downgrade
↳username14 Is it a downgrade though if he's that tall?
username13 He can be as tall as he wants, but Charles was Y/n's soulmate and I'll always stand by that
username9 Plus the height doesn't make up for the personality
username14 What personality? 💀 Girl you don't even know him
username9 Someone who cheats on their partner clearly isn't a very pleasant person to date
username5 CALM DOWN GUYS we can't be sure they were on a date, it could be just two friends catching up
username9 what friends? I've never even seen them talk before and there were opportunities
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yourusername Don't panic guys, I've been spending most of the time with @/youngersister and her aussie friends
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youngersister Yeah, I clearly didn't set you up for a date with a certain actor...
↳username1 SHE SET Y/N UP WITH HIM?!
username2 Evil mastermind
username3 How did that even happen lmao
↳yourusername Thankfully it didn't go as good as you'd wish it would 😌
youngersister No worries, I have other options up my sleeve
yourusername Keep them up there 🤺
↳username4 I'm confused is [younger sisters name] team Charles or not?
username5 She's just a menace it seems
username6 What's up with Y/n? She didn't wanna be with Charles, but she doesn't wanna move on. That's not normal
youngersister Don't make me set you up with Lando
↳yourusername You'd never, I know you think he's annoying
youngersister Yeah, but he gives me that vibe of a guy who can make you forget about your ex
yourusername That's called a fuckboy
youngersister You deserve a bit of fun don't you 🥳 I'm not saying you have to go straight back to being in a relationship
yourusername NO THANK YOU
username5 Lmao I love how they're having this convo here instead of on dms
username6 OR FACE TO FACE??
username7 Why does Y/n's lil sis support the idea of Y/n having a hoe phase? 😭
landonorris I was hoping you'd come see the race;)
↳yourusername Better luck next time I guess :)
a few months later
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username1 YEAH I WAS LIKE WHAT THE HELL???
username3 I can't defend Charles anymore
username4 Apparently her name is Angeliqué and she's a daughter of some French entrepreneur (a/n: I made her up)
username5 I didn't want Charles to move on, I wanted him to be back with Y/n 😭
↳username6 Worse thing is, Charles moved on but Y/n didn't. She went on this weird staged date with Jacob Elordi a few months ago and that's it
username7 NOOO 😭😭
username8 Charles better say sike now 🔫
username9 Please tell me it's a joke
username10 It truly feels like some part of me being torn apart knowing that Y/n and Charles broke up for good and he moved on
username11 Do we really know nothing about what's going on with Y/n? She must feel terrible now, I'm sure she saw that Angeliqué girl on TV
↳username9 What makes you think she would still watch races?
username11 It seemed like her and Charles are on friendly terms, so why wouldn't she still watch his races?
↳username12 She hasn't posted anything since Australia, went hella private, she ISN'T okay, I think she even stopped hanging out with Lily M
username13 I did some more research and that Angeliqué girl is 20 years old
↳username12 So we're supposed to believe that Y/n who is Charles' age wasn't ready to start a family, but a 20 year old Charles met weeks ago is? Charles, explain yourself
username9 Honestly the new girl seems just like a distraction from Y/n or a PR relationship
username12 You might be right, maybe Charles can't forget about Y/n so he went with "wanna get over, get under someone new"
username14 Nahhhh cuz she was all over Charles whenever she could and he looked so done 💀 that's definitely a stunt
↳username1 Literally, she was always hugging him, touching, holding hands, she barely let him interact with fans, Y/n was so much better AND she always respected Charles' fans
username15 imagine not being able to move on for MONTHS so your pr team finds you a fake gf
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yourusername Excuse the inactivity, I've been watching Gilmore Girls
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username1 Very understandable in this case
username2 Our Rory Gilmore finally watching the og Rory Gilmore 🙏
oldersister I'm afraid Snow White might like you more than she likes me 😂
↳yourusername I'm the cool aunt 🤭
youngersister Excuse me???
yourusername I said what I said
youngersister And I don't agree with what you said
yourusername Would you watch Gilmore Girls with Snow White? Nope. I do. So I win the cool aunt competition
username3 Guys... When did Charles unfollow Y/n?
↳username2 He unfollowed?
username3 Yeah... He didn't comment nor even like, so I went to check and he doesn't follow Y/n anymore but she still follows him
username2 Ouch that hurts
username4 I don't care that Charles doesn't follow Y/n anymore, what counts is that she is happy 😊 look at the last pic, she's so adorable with Snow White
↳username5 True, she looks happy and healthy while Charles is out there having to put up with a fake girlfriend
username6 What's funny is that Charles doesn't follow Y/n anymore, but both his brothers and majority of F1 drivers do
↳username7 including the ones who followed her after the breakup 😏
username8 Don't try to make up new rumours, Y/n is single and happy
username9 Not to be mean but... It says something about Charles that he had to unfollow
↳username6 He either thought it'll help him forget or the new girlfriend made him unfollow
username9 Either way it tells us he's still thinking about Y/n
landonorris been a while since I last saw you
↳yourusername Let's see how long we can keep the streak up
username6 SLAAAAAY QUEEN
username10 I'll never be over the Y/nCharles breakup, I'm still going through it months after
↳username11 That's okay because so is Charles
username12 Tbh in Y/n's place I would just take the chance and go for Lando, just to prove that Charles' PR relationship is in vain
↳username2 That's not something Y/n would do, but if she ever did that I would support her
Username13 dating men is so much stress, why bother while you can sit at home with a cat watching Gilmore Girls instead?
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so-much-for-the-seashells · 4 months ago
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Logan Howlett, the man you are. (Headcanons!!)
Minors, do not interact.
A/N: Y’all. I’ve been in a writing rut, but something about Logan- and Huge Jackedman, by extension- regaining his moment in the spotlight has gotten me back at it. Hugh was 1000% the reason I found out that I have a thing for dilfs, and let me tell you, I ain’t mad about it. To quote one author, who I can’t remember off the top of my head but wrote a KILLER breeding kink fic for Wolvie, “before there was Jensen Ackles, there was Hugh Jackman.” If you know me or my work, you know I’m a Jackles girl, but Hugh? Hugh will always get me going, whether he’s a ringleader, a robot shadow boxer, or otherwise.
TLDR I’m so in love with Hugh/Logan again. I always am, but I’m really on fire rn. Don’t worry, I will be continuing the 2SC series, but I needed this.
As always, all interaction, especially your words, is so very much appreciated!! I hope you like this one! Also, thank you for 120 followers! This account is maybe three months old, this is an insane milestone.
CW: it’s really just soft with a side of spice, the most flavorful being daddy/breeding.
-first of all, this man is a the biter.
-and it’s not always in a sexual sense
-he’ll just walk up to you and gently graze his teeth against your exposed shoulder or neck
-especially at night, after sex or not. He’ll be holding you close- you’re the little spoon ofc🎀- and just nibble on the juncture of your neck and shoulder while you cuddle into him
-honestly, it doesn’t hurt. And he only leaves marks if he wants to, ie when he’s balls deep inside of your little cunt OR wanting to remind the world who you belong to
-he’s just got a bit of an oral fixation is all
-speaking of which, he could be between your thighs for the rest of eternity and he’d be fine with it. He LOVES when you tug on his hair as he makes you squirm, only needing one strong hand to hold you down
-he goes feral when he sees you wearing his shirts
-loves to throw you over his shoulder and to play fight
-he’s interested in anything you’re interested in
-mans can’t cook to save his life but adores watching you and “helping”
-aka being all up in your business when you’re literally just trying to chop an onion
-he can be clingy. Not in a whiny way, in a playfully annoying way.
-will always find a way to make you late to anything. Sometimes it’s for the sake of a quickie, other times it’s because he wants one more kiss or to see the last five minutes of whatever show you guys watch together
-if you’re into daddy, he’s into daddy. Especially if you’re significantly younger than him
-he likes to squish you- your boobs, tummy, ass, wherever. He loves your body for what it is and loves you
-this man is so in love with you, by the way
-he’s old as hell but if you teach him how to text he’ll text you sporadically throughout the day. Sometimes it’s really blurry, almost impossible to decipher, pictures of things that remind him of you, other times it’s “When will you be home?” even though he’s already called you to ask four times. That’s mainly on his days off though- if he’s not doing something or you then he doesn’t know what to do with himself.
-that’s not to say he’s not always thinking of you. On missions, wherever, you’re the first thing in his mind. Give him a locket with a picture of the two of you and chances are he’ll wear it forever
-oh back to the other one he totally texts like an old man. If you try to use slang, or even just use “u,” you’ll confuse him so bad that he’ll think he’s in the future or that you’re speaking a different language. He also doesn’t like emojis, unfortunately 😞
-he’s got a sweet tooth. Loves to bake with you- he can’t cook but he can make a mean batch of snickerdoodles. No one knows why, and he’ll never offer any explanation.
-speaking of sweets that’s why he loves eating you out so much, because you taste so sweet to him
-and all of his nicknames are sweet based- sweetheart, sweets, sugar, etc- with the exception of darling which coming from him would put anyone on their knees immediately
-speaking of being on your knees he loves when you do it. Not as much as he loves eating you out, but he does enjoy a solid blow once in a while
-he’s a sucker for cockwarming, even if it’s barely sexual. Just as a way to be close. If you don’t mind him smoking he’ll smoke a cigar while you do so, and get into a nice soft headspace
-the kink of his that annoys him the most is breeding. He doesn’t want kids (unless you do, which is its own conversation. Personally I don’t so works for me haha) but when he’s balls deep, pushing you into the mating press, it doesn’t matter. Especially if you’re in a place where he can fuck you raw all the time- ie you take the pill, have had a hysterectomy, etc- then he will, and he will always spill his seed deep in you, mind filling with pictures of you all round and swollen and cute even if it’s impossible
-however it is hot when he gets in that headspace regardless of if kids are in the question or not
-hang on I thought of something else and then I forgot it
-uhh
-oh that’s it. Praise. Loves getting it, loves receiving it. If you’re more receptive to degradation he’ll give you that, but he loves telling you what a good girl you are
-also has a blast with brat taming
-anyways back to the soft stuff
-he loves domestic life. Curling up with you on the couch with fluffy blankets and snacks, watching rom coms and other cheesy movies
-he’ll rest his head in your lap if you’re drawing, crocheting, reading, etc
-he loves being petted. Your hands in his hair, tracing his muscles, whatever. It makes him so happy and it’s soothing for him
-and we all know how he’s mr gruff n tuff, right?? Well if he’s really eepy and lying on his lap while you stroke his hair, there’s an ever slight chance you can get him to purr. Don’t tease him about it, though, or he’ll get super self conscious
-if you like to workout he’ll work out with you
-he really likes to box to blow off steam, but if it’s with you and you’re not a fellow mutant it’s more play fighting than anything, but it’s still fun
-he’s a sucker for cheesy dates
-call him ‘Lo’ or ‘Wolvie,’ or any nickname that fits him. He thinks it’s adorable, and owns it. He also gives you like fifty nicknames of his own.
-he loves long walks on the beach if it’s accesible, hiking’s also fun to him
-he’ll never take his anger out on you, ever
-he loves reading with you, just sitting in comfortable silence with your respective books
-that’s all for now!!
If you have any ideas for ficlets or headcanons, my asks box is always open!! Xx
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pitchsidestories · 4 months ago
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the kids are alright II Barcelona Femení x Reader
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masterlist I word count: 1666
a/n: inspired by this request here, enjoy.
summary: the Barça youngsters see Lucy and you as their team mums, a game against your Spanish teammates doesn’t change the love you've for them.
pairings: Barcelona Femeni x Reader (platonic), Lucy Bronze x Reader (romantic)
Such team mums.
She had even dared to add an eye-rolling emoji to her comment.
You sighed.
This was not what you had expected when you checked your phone right after training ended.
Not even your Instagram posts were save from the Barca youngsters.
The notification saying that Esmee had commented under your post had already made you nervous, but you had not expected to be called that.
And the likes on her comment! Way too many in your humble opinion.
You scanned your post again. It was a simple photo of you and Lucy at your last game with Esmee, Vicky and Salma sandwiched between the two of you.
You shook your head slightly. Calling you and Lucy team mums had apparently become a running gag between the youngsters. And had now also made it to social media.
When you looked over, Esmee was in the motion of leaving the training pitch, looking as innocent as ever. Like she hadn’t just called you a team mum on the internet.
Lucy appeared on your side, sipping water from her water bottle. Her cheeks were still red from the training session.
Wordlessly, you thrusted your phone towards Lucy.
You watched as she studied the photo. She then turned to you with an “Is she really serious right now?“-look.
“Esmee!“
The dutch player blinked innocently at her: “Yes, Lucy?“
“I swear I will delete all your damn comments!“, the defender threatened, only the slightest quirk of her mouth revealed that she wasn’t serious.
Esmee smirked: “I don’t know why you’re so upset about that.“
“We’re not your mums!“, Lucy said with emphasis.
“No. But you behave like you are.“, Vicky sided with Esmee, smiling brightly at you.
You grimaced: “We don’t.“
“Sure.“, Salma grinned.
You and Lucy shared an annoyed look.
You decided to finally give up: “Alright, see you children on the pitch next week for the England versus Spain match. Except for Esmee.“
“We’ll beat you.“, Salma shrugged unimpressed.
Esmee rolled her eyes: “I will totally have a hard time without anyone telling me what to do.“
Mapi wrapped her arms around the young Dutch player from behind: “Don’t worry, Esmee. You’ll still have me for that.“
Esmee shot her a critical look: “You’re not a mum, Mapi. You’re more like the crazy aunt.“
“Excuse me?!“ Mapis face dropped and you had to bite back your laughter.
“Ignore the kid, Mapi.“, Lucy adviced with a dismissive hand gesture.
Mapi turned to Esmee: “Don’t you dare comment that on my posts.“
You sighed quietly. Of course, Mapi had already seen the comment too.
“I’d never.“, the Dutch player promised, her voice dripping with innocence.
You shot her an amused glance: “Lies.“
The cold temperature and the rain that just wouldn't stop made you shiver, even as a woman born in England. You had to admit to yourself that by now you were spoilt by the sun and warmth of Barcelona. How you yearned for that in this moment!
It wasn't long until the game, both teams were just surveying the pitch and you realised that the young Spanish players were not happy about the weather conditions.
“Hi children.”, Lucy was the first to greet them with a huge grin on her lips.
“Hey, mums.”, Jana chirmed.
“Ready for the game?”, the older defender asked.
“We’re.”, Salma nodded enthusiastically.
“And you’re not too cold? That’s quite a weather change from Barcelona?”, you raised an eyebrow worriedly.
“Mum mode activated.”, Vicky rolled her eyes at you.
“I was just asking!”, you protested laughing.
“We’re fine.”, the seventeen-year-old assured you.
“Good.”, you remarked.
“And we’re not even on your team.”, Salma threw in with an amused smile.
“I know.”, you told her.
“Just letting you kids know that I’ll go as hard in as I’ve to but after the game I’ll check if you’re okay.”, Lucy warned them.
“We don’t need to be looked after.”, Vicky insisted.
It would be a tough 90-minute game. The rain which kept pouring made the grass slippery underneath the players feet. Somehow Beth was able to score in the last minute of the game and the lionesses pulled the Arsenal forward into a group hug.
Afterwards your girlfriend and you walked to the defeated Spanish players, you promised them to do a jersey exchange, but you knew the small gesture wouldn’t help against the pain of their loss. 
“You weren’t bad either.”, Salma replied.
“Weren’t bad? We won.”, Lucy reminded her.
“Yeah, you did.”, Vicky muttered, shoulders shrink while she looked down to the wet grass, the watery pearls seemed like tears.
“Congrats Kei, Luce and y/n.”, Alexia hugged each of you. The captain of your club team was clearly disappointed in their performance as a whole but especially by her own. 
“Thanks. Good game, Ale.”, you responded truthfully.
“You were great too.”, she admitted, happy to have you usually in her team and not as an opponent.
Suddenly you realized that your girlfriend who didn’t leave your side since the referee had ended the game wasn’t there anymore.
“Where’s Lucy?”, you wanted to know from your teammate.
“She’s babysitting again.”, Alexia explained grinning, pointing into the direction where Lucy was handing the young Barcelona girls their jackets, making sure they’re staying warm despite the cold.
“It’s cute.”, you commented, seeing their interactions and your lover in the centre of it warmed your heart.
“Thanks for cheering them up, they need that. It wasn’t a good game.”, the midfielder said gratefully.
You trained your gaze back on Alexia and gently smiled at her: “You’re welcome. Losing is always hard, especially when you’re young and not used to it.“
“Right.“, she replied, biting her lip.
You knew that she still struggled with lost games, even as an experienced player so you quietly pulled her in for a hug.
She didn’t fight it and relaxed a bit. Enough for you to know that she had needed the hug.
Lucys voice drifted towards you as she instructed the young players: “Don’t forget your recovery, girls!“
“Sure, Lucia.“, Vicky said in a mocking tone and rolled her eyes.
At the same time Alexia let go of you, pulling out of the embrace and looked over at her teammates. With a stern expression, she watched as the younger players slowly made their way towards the dressing rooms.
“And keep your head high!“, you called after them.
Salma turned her head towards you and grimaced.
You almost laughed about her reaction. They might make fun of you, calling you team mums but they enjoyed being the children a little too much as well.
Janas face appeared next to Alexia, beaming at you and Lucy who finally joined your group now that the children were taken care of.
“You’d be such good mums one day!“, she squealed.
Alexia shrugged nonchalantly: “Agreed. But no pressure, I want to have you two as long in my team as possible.“
She raised her eyebrows with a smirk.
“So do we.“, you laughed.
Lucy grinned: “Don’t worry, we have enough children for now.“
“We do.“, you agreed.
A buzzing noise in the pocket of your jacket startled you. You carefully pulled out your phone, an Instagram notification on your screen.
You already knew what would come next.
“Oh my god, Esmee commented again!“
“Again?!“, Lucy echoed and slid closer to you so she could have a look at your phone too.
“Yes, on the lionesses latest post. See?“
Lucy released a breath: “I’m going to murder her!“
“Don’t.“, you said calmly while replying to Esmees comment with a simple heart emoji.
Maybe it was time to embrace being the team mums.
“I’ll take her phone then!“, Lucy suggested.
“Yes, that’s a good idea.“, you laughed.
Your girlfriend rolled her eyes with obvious fondness: “These children.“
“You love them though.“
“Maybe…“, she admitted slowly but with sparkling eyes. She looked lost in her own thoughts.
Playfully, you elbowed her in the side: “What are you thinking about?“
She shook her head and answered more seriously: “Nothing. Let’s go back to our team.“
“Alright.“, you said, waving goodbye to Alexia and Jana.
“Come on. The children will be alright.”, Lucy remarked softly.
“Fine.”, you agreed, hoping that in the save four walls of your hotel room the defender would be able to tell you what she was thinking about.
Later you were wrapped up in your bathrobe and noticing how unusually quiet your girlfriend was. Cautiously you sat down next to her on the bed.
“Luce, you’ve been suspiciously silent, so what’s on your mind?”
The stillness in the room became almost unbearable to you.
Slowly, the fellow footballer turned her face round to look at you.
“Maybe she’s got a point. We would be great mums.”, Lucy admitted emotionally.
“Yes, I agree.”, you nodded, feeling the significance of this conversation you were having.
“You do?”, the dark-haired woman asked in return.
“Yes, just not because they said it though.”, you emphasized.
“No, of course not.”, Lucy replied.
“Maybe we should give it a try? Not right away but soon?”, you suggested nervously.
“I’d love to have children with you actually.”, Lucy confessed in an earnest tone.
“Me too.”, you told her before she cupped your face with her hands to give you a heartfelt kiss. There was something promising in those kisses like it was the beginning of something new.
A couple of months had passed since the match against Spain. During the dinner with your Barcelona teammates at the training grounds Lucy handed Jana a little box.
The younger woman glanced at your girlfriend excitedly.
“Is this what I think it’s?”
“Find out and open it.”, the older defender smirked.
Your lover didn’t need to tell her twice, Jana unwrapped the box quickly and let out a delighted squeal once the player saw what was inside, a little pair of sneakers.
She knew immediately what the meaning behind those were and went to pull you two into a hug, while the other teammates followed suit.
599 notes · View notes
bluesidez · 1 month ago
Text
Gym Rat Miguel Part 15
content warning: more angst, mentions of food, mentions of underage drinking and recreational drug use, some suggestive convos but nothing too crazy
word count: 6.4k (@slushycoookie thee wife, thee beta 🩵)
Prev | Next ✩°。 ⋆⸜ 🎧✮ Masterlist
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“Does it show anything different?”
“Will you give me a second?”
GymRat!Miguel who was currently sitting at his desk, bouncing his leg while he waited for Tempest to tell him something good.
“It’s honestly looking like the same thing from last night. And the week before. And the week before that,” she deadpans through the phone.
Miguel turned and pressed his lips to his palm.
His call list was a constant cycle between his friends back home and Gabriel, but mostly Tempest, who has taken the role of checking for any updates from you online.
So far, all he’s gotten out of this was pain. You’ve completely removed anything that involved him from your pages. No anniversary pics, no highlights, no emojis in your bio to refer to him. From how Tempest put it, this was a huge deal.
“Look,” Miguel slumped as he geared himself up to listen to the same speech she’d been repeating. “I know you don’t want to hear this- don’t make that face! - but I think it’s time to give up or try something new.”
“It’s been forever.”
“If your definition of forever is a little over two weeks, then sure!”
“I just thought that,” he paused, mulling over the words in his head.
“That she would bend at your will? You’re cute, but not that cute.”
“No, that’s not- Temp,” Miguel whined. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
She snorted, “Uh huh. Which is why we’re stalking her page like weirdos.”
“If the roles were flipped, I would be doing the same for you. I have done the same for you.”
“Touché.”
Miguel remembered Tempest spiraling over girls she thought was the one, the two of them huddled up over the phone watching as they all moved onto the next.
He sat beside her and reminded himself never to get this way. He perked up like a flower soaking up the sun every time there was an inch of hope, which truly rivaled how Tempest acted.
“I was just thinking that today would be different. Maybe she would think about me today.”
The thought sits in the air, Tempest’s face shifting to one of sad understanding.
“Not trying to feed your delusions, but maybe she hasn’t stopped thinking about you.”
Miguel looked at the screen, a tiny bit optimistic.
“But in all fairness, I wouldn’t want anyone on my page who I thought committed one of the most cruel offenses. I would want to forget everything. You have to see this from her side too.”
Tempest was right, a common state when it came to their friendship. It didn’t stop that ugly rust of selfishness that crowded his heart.
He feels like he’s crying out for you, and you don’t care. A year of being together meant nothing to you.
Saying that out loud was insane, though. It didn’t align with how hurt you looked.
So, he’s been internally fighting the feeling, going from understanding to upset and back again.
“Have you talked to Xina at all?”
“She’s only keeping our conversations about school. And acting like nothing happened.”
“She’s probably embarrassed,” Tempest said. “She got caught this time and doesn’t know what to do.”
“Apologizing could be a start.”
“And that requires admitting she was wrong in the first place, so if you get that, let me know so I can mark the day. I’ll even make a t-shirt.”
The sigh that left Miguel was strong enough to irritate Tempest’s speakers.
He wanted to talk to her about the situation again, but it was like talking with a brick wall. It reminded him of when he snapped at her for constantly hitting him when they were younger. Looking back, they were just kids, and she probably didn’t mean anything by it. The red tint and angry pout on her face as she slid him her chocolate milk as an apology stuck with him.
“Why do you want an apology anyway? Or, why do you expect one?”
Miguel wasn’t sure himself. Xina was his childhood best friend, someone with whom he spent a lot of time and shared secrets. There were sweet memories and joyful moments.
It sucks to see her act so different.
“I think,” Miguel paused, looking off through his dorm window. “I think that-”
“Oh my god, she just posted.”
Miguel almost dropped his phone while he switched back to the messages app.
“What is it? What is it?”
“It is,” she dragged out her i’s. The sound of Tempest screenshotting and tapping away at her phone was like rapid fire. “An event, I think?”
“What event? You aren’t sending the pictures fast enough.”
“I already pressed send! Not my fault I don’t have high-speed internet.”
“Tell your cousin to stop fucking hogging it.”
“Shut up and watch the screen.”
His eyes dart across the screen as he waits for the screenshare to load.
Your account comes up, still intact. Miguel takes in everything like he did back when he first met you.
There were new posts about the sculptures you made in class and food from a new café. There’s also a glimpse of you smiling, and he feels like he’s ready to erupt.
Tempest refreshed your page again.
“This is so against girl code.”
“You haven’t even talked with her before.”
“How would you know?”
“Temp.”
“Right, sorry.”
She taps your story, and a flyer comes up.
“A Halloween-themed festival night?” Miguel says as the story disappears.
“Sounds fun!”
“I’m going to go. Put the story back up again.”
Tempest side-eyed him as best as she could, “Uh, maybe let’s not.”
“Why can’t I? I’m a member of the student body.”
“Do you usually go to these things?”
“No,” Miguel slowed his words. “But I could now? Maybe she won’t even be there.”
“And if she is? Wouldn’t it seem like you’re stalking her?”
He thinks about the many times he’s lingered around the art building, walked by your favorite spot on campus, and stared at corners of the library that you loved to see if you would be there.
“No?”
“Doubtful.”
“I just need to see her in person.”
GymRat!Miguel who doesn’t stop thinking about whether or not you’ll be at the festival.
If he doesn’t see you, he’ll be disappointed, but the panic clawing at his throat won’t shift to his mind.
If he does see you, he’ll be like a fish out of water. Floundering, lost, and begging his lungs to gain its necessities.
He just hopes that going is the right decision.
GymRat!Miguel who goes to his robotics club meetup the next day.
There’s no competition coming up, but the department wanted to revise a moving metal skeleton for Halloween weekend.
“You look like shit.”
“Thanks, Margo. I feel like it, too.”
She pulled his cheek out and made baby noises out of sympathy before Miguel swatted them away.
“Still no luck with your ex? Or is that joint giving you trouble?” she snickered at his sloppy attempt at connecting moving parts.
“Uh, no and yes.”
Aaron peeked up from his station and looked over like a beaver.
“I-it’s not because of what I said, right?”
Margo made a line with her mouth as if to say 'get a load of this guy'.
“No, Aaron,” Miguel mumbled.
“Yeah, Aaron, stop being nosy and get back to work,” Margo joked.
He snapped his welder’s mask back down like a dork and returned to sawing something, sparks flying past him.
Margo looks down at Miguel’s work.
“Well, I hope you can get her back soon because you need to work on your anatomy. Those bones don’t go together at all.”
He looks to a femur and a humerus connected with the sheer will of his clouded mind.
He missed when you attached sticky notes to his body for practice. The prize for getting the different parts of his body correct being kisses. You would laugh at his mistake but give a peck on the lips anyway. His arms were one of your favorite places to put your star-shaped stickers on, too.
“I didn’t mean for you to get even sadder,” Margo snapped him out of the memory.
“It’s fine. My fault.”
Margo shifted her weight as she started to take apart his mistake, “It’ll get better, Miguel. I’m sure of it.”
GymRat!Miguel who sits across from Tyler at one of the uppity restaurants in town. The lights are dim, as if the people eating here are all hiding from something.
“How’s school?” Tyler asked, clothes still managing to glow despite the one warm lamp above the table. He thanks the waitress for refilling his water glass. “Made any new friends? Connections?”
The age-old awkward feeling of trying to concisely describe his growing adult life was at the top of his mind.
“It’s going well,” was always the easiest answer. Simple and open-ended.
Of course, Tyler took this as a sign to delve further.
“Your mother told me you’re taking up game programming this semester. Do you like the feel of that class?”
An ice cube floated to the top of Miguel’s glass.
“I was enjoying it at first, now I’m sort of ready for it to end.”
Tyler cleared his throat, hand covering the frown on his face.
“Ah, well, some people just like the end result, I suppose,” he refolds a napkin, the reflection from his watch panning across the tablecloth. “What about your girlfriend? How is she? Perhaps, you have some new pieces of her’s to show me. My colleagues love the one in the entryway.”
The waiter placed a filet mignon in front of Miguel and bluefin tuna across from him. Tyler moved to tuck the same napkin into his crisp button down.
“I’m not sure.”
Tyler pauses as a slice of fish dangles from his fork.
Miguel is still cutting into the meat unnecessarily, knife scrapping against the plate.
“Son, this cut of meat is like butter,” Tyler said, taking the knife from him and putting it back on its napkin.
A twitch at the corner of his lips almost aligned with Tyler’s. The man racked his brain for the memories of his first son coming home with a similar expression.
He chewed and swallowed his fish stacked with cucumbers and cilantro.
“As you know, I am not the best when it comes to relationships. Nancy and I have had quite the uphill battle. However, I believe I am well-versed in the field of compromise. Should I reach out to her for you?”
It was a long shot, and by the growing shadows on his son’s face, Tyler suspected that his suggestion was a poor one.
“What will that do? Other than show her that I can’t handle my own problems.”
“Surely, you two can work it out. She was lovely, truly,” Tyler frets, afraid he’s made Miguel even more upset.
He just starts to eat, mind elsewhere.
Tyler wondered if he should have ordered some wine.
“When you found out Nancy cheated on you, what did you do?”
Lemon juice from his dish hit his throat right as he swallowed, a hand banging on his chest as he coughed.
“I, uh,” two gulps of water were taken from the glass Miguel handed him. “Well. The fruit of that labor is in front of me.”
“Obviously,” Miguel’s shoulders dropped and Tyler grimaced again. Curse his silly statements. “I meant, how did you feel? What were your initial thoughts?”
“I remember being angry. Here laid the mother of my only child with a much younger and, honestly, less fortunate man. I thought I was foolish to think that my genuine love or money could keep someone.”
Miguel pushed around an asparagus on his plate, “So there was a betrayal. A pain you couldn’t describe.”
“Exactly. For me, that came afterwards. I’m a prideful man. If one thing does not satisfy me, I simply find something that does.”
“And that thing just happened to be my mother?”
“Ah, if you put it like that, it’s far too harsh,” Tyler fixes a cuff. “Your mother provided me a place of warmth, solitude, and love for a short time. It’s something I’ll never forget. I regret the hurt Nancy and I inflicted on each other, but I don’t regret you.”
Tyler watches and waits for a response. His son shifts in his seat and rolls his neck, eyes never leaving his plate.
“Has she,” Tyler tilts his head, “hurt you this way?”
“No, but I broke her trust.”
“You cheated?”
“Never. But we have a lot to work on.”
Tyler might order some bourbon tonight to drink in place of his son and the mopey demeanor.
“I’m all ears whenever you need me. But if there is as much love between you two as I saw earlier this year, then you’re sure to gain in back. That doesn’t go away.”
Miguel takes a deep breath and Tyler believes that some of the shadows on his face disappear.
The meal continued, and the people around them continued their quiet chatter.
“Could you do me a favor?” Miguel asks as they both clean their plates.
Tyler lights up, “Anything.”
“Don’t tell my mom about this?”
Tyler thinks back to the unpleasant things Conchata had to say about her son’s girlfriend and quietly agrees that it’s for the best of she’s out of the loop.
“Your secret’s safe with me.”
GymRat!Miguel who walks up to the festival wearing one of the shirts you gave him for his birthday.
It was an impulsive decision because now that he’s here, he’s wondering if seeing it on him will upset you.
The festival is partially outside and inside, a mix of games, concessions, and small rides for students to enjoy.
He walked under the pumpkin and bat-shaped balloons, and fake smoke from a cauldron moved past him.
It smelled like sour candy apples, and marshmallows. Booths were all around the campus grass. He walked past them slowly, not interested but searching for something.
The turnout was nice for a night when he figured people would be out partying. There were a lot of students walking in and out.
A game caught his eye as he neared the entrance to the student center. It’s a Shoot Out booth with the ducks replaced with black cats and the gun switched to tiny ghost bean bags to match the theme. There’s a giant white bunny with an X for lips, a blue dress, and a bow on its ear.
It’s so you that he couldn’t resist.
The student volunteer told him he had three chances this round to knock out twenty cats for the bunny.
“Everyone’s been gunning for it, but this game is pretty hard!”
Miguel nodded in understanding.
If he focused enough, the bunny could be his.
On his first try, he knocked out thirteen cats, much to the volunteer’s surprise.
“Woah! You’re pretty good! Did you wanna grab anything from this tier?”
There was student association merch and a shirt with the college logo.
Miguel rolled his sleeves up, “No, I’m going to try for the plushie again.”
The second time, he knocked down the last cat with just a few seconds left on the timer.
The girl running the booth smiled with her eyebrows nearly merging to the top of her head in shock.
“I-I guess that means you win the bunny!”
She handed it to him with a lull of awe.
He muttered a quiet thanks and turned towards the doors with fake spiderwebs dangling off them.
There was music, a sign to go to a haunted hallway, and even more tables with food.
He wonders if you would have gotten scared walking through scary attractions with him. You would probably hold his hand as tight as he’s holding the belly of this rabbit.
Scanning the room, he doesn’t catch a glimpse of you anywhere.
Looking down at the little white face in his hands, he started to think he wasted the hour or so he’d been here.
Walking to the table of free cookies, he took a frosted Frankenstein in his hand and bit a bolt off.
He felt like a lost kid as he floated from table to table to stall.
Maybe he should give up. You were probably promoting this event for Jess.
GymRat!Miguel who was finishing off his fifth mummy-in-a-blanket when he saw you leaving the haunted hallway.
The first thing he noticed is the long, blue cardigan falling off your shoulders. The end of it is trailing after you as you run out.
There’s a grin on your face and an air in your steps, something he missed seeing.
The next thing he noticed was that you weren’t wearing your necklace anymore.
Then a hand pulled it up on your shoulders and slid back down your arm.
A guy is standing next to you and laughing as if you’ll give him money for doing so.
He’s tall. He looks like he could be built, too.
It’s like a slap in the face, worse than when you pushed him away.
Looking down, Miguel saw your hand in his, clinging tight. You smile at the guy and reach up to get something out of his hair.
Miguel thinks that there was nothing wrong with his hair. There was nothing to smile about either.
The guy’s hands touch you in places where Miguel has embraced. His fingers were covering the same neck he’d put his head in. His thumbs ran over the apples of your cheeks, the same ones that used to crowd his lips.
You lean into the guy’s chest and say something that he can’t hear.
His stomach makes an angry lurch and he feels that orange being shift to a green one. It’s clawing at him, pulling at his mind.
This wasn’t how today was supposed to end. You weren’t supposed to cling to some random guy. You weren’t supposed to be with someone else.
Miguel turns when he leans down towards you, chest burning. What he didn’t see was not true to him. What he didn’t know was not reality.
GymRat!Miguel stormed out of the building, and images of you happy with someone else faded onto the inside of his eyelids.
The material of his sweater was scratching against his skin as he made his way back to the festival entrance.
Everything was too much. The people were too loud, the lamps were too bright, and the music playing over the speakers sucked.
His nose started to twitch and he wondered why did festival food have so much damn sugar.
Someone nearly hits the ground as he pushes past them, a confused noise hitting the air, but he doesn’t feel inclined to stop.
GymRat!Miguel who almost breaks free from what feels like a harmful joke when Xina spots him.
“Hey!” She ran over to him, leaves crunching against her boots. She’s wearing the varsity jacket he bought her years ago. “Leaving already?”
“Yeah, I,” he stopped when he thought he heard your laugh somewhere deep in the festival. “I’m not feeling too good. Think I’m gonna go back to my dorm.”
“Oh, do you have a fever? The weather did drop out of nowhere,” her hand lifted, fingers twitching like she wanted to see for herself.
She hesitates, scared he’ll blow away.
When her fingers press into his neck, he just wants to cry. It felt like when she caught him crying under the trees on the playground or when he’d show up at his grandma’s house with a chubby face full of tears.
He covers her hand for a second, just one, then pushes it away.
If he talks about it, he’ll break into pieces.
“Here,” he shoved the bunny into her hands. The dress is wrinkled, and the bow is a bit lopsided.
Xina’s eyes grow as sees it. The smile on her lips is familiar, “Thank you. I love it.”
Her mouth opens as if she wants to say more, but Miguel starts first.
“Glad you like it. I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah, ok. Get back safe, Hare-Hare.”
He heads towards his building empty-handed.
GymRat!Miguel who is in denial.
He’s moved past his brain making up you being at the Halloween festival and was now choosing to believe that it was a friend.
The tiny Gabriel on his shoulder was telling him that you had moved on. You had a new boyfriend, so he needed to move on as well—or stop moping about you.
He was choosing to ignore him for now.
It’s been another week since he saw you. Thanksgiving was on its way and he hasn’t been focused in a single class.
At a time when he really needed Tempest to update him, she told him to step back and recenter himself. Something about him not being level-headed.
He didn’t care.
The point of no return was truly here as he stood in front of the elevator in the art building.
A bag of food was sweating in his palm, and the two drinks were seeping into his hoodie, but he would regret it forever if he didn’t try talking to you again before the semester was over.
He’s doing something he told himself he wouldn’t do, but he couldn’t help that he still knew your schedule by heart. Taking a chance on you sticking around for studio hours was all that he had.
GymRat!Miguel who got to the right floor and was happy to see a student leaving the room.
The lights in the hallway were still on and music came from down the hall.
Miguel walked down, peering in every door, leaving once he couldn’t see you or when the people inside gave him weird looks.
GymRat!Miguel who walks into the last studio in the hallway with quiet steps.
Your canvas is almost bigger than you, the top of it covering you as you moved your brush across it.
You had headphones on, star molds stuck on the sides of them.
Miguel sat the food down on the table, moving like a stealthy agent.
Your sleeves were rolled up to your elbows, yet paint was still on them despite your efforts. You looked tired, but god, you were still overwhelmingly gorgeous to him.
He stepped closer. Slowly, step by step, coming into your peripheral.
“Why are you here?”
Miguel paused mid-walk, face like a puppy who got caught.
He should have thought this through more.
“I wanted to see you,” he holds his hands before him. It’s not making him any smaller, but it brings a slight comfort. “Brought some food.”
“’M not hungry.”
An apology is his first instinct, but the sound of your stomach growling speaks for him.
You refuse to look at him, face warm.
“It’s your favorite. Come eat, please.”
Taking off your headphones, you sighed.
“Fine.”
GymRat!Miguel who has to pinch himself to stop staring at you.
You weren’t just tired, you were exhausted. Your eyes drooped as you bit into your fries, and your movements were sluggish.
You didn’t ask for his extra sauce like you usually did. You didn’t even try to steal his fries.
“How have you been?” he asks instead of digging himself further into the sad hole of his heart.
Your eyes flick at him over your glasses and back to your food.
“Really, Miguel?”
“Y-yes? I’m always wondering how you are.”
“Then you should know how I’ve been already, then.”
Miguel faltered.
“You’re not very subtle, you know? I could see you pacing back and forth around campus.”
“Oh,” he slurped his drink nervously.
“And I saw you at the festival, too.”
He almost punctured the styrofoam in his hand.
“So, you’ve been fine is what you’re telling me. I’m gla-” he choked on the words. “I see you’ve…met someone.”
“He was just a friend. You could have said ‘hi’ then, if you really wanted to speak with me.”
“Didn’t look like a friend,” left Miguel’s mouth before he could stop it.
You hummed, eyebrows raised, and a click sound from your teeth. “Oh, but now do you see how that feels?” You started to untie your apron.
“I didn’t mean for that to come out in that way. I came here to just talk.”
“About what? How you didn’t actually cheat on me? How you didn’t mean for any of this to happen? How you’re sorry you got caught?”
He bit his tongue.
That was almost what he wanted to say.
“About us,” he said as you rolled your eyes. “I still love you, and it’s killing me not to be with you. This is as plain and simple as I can say it. I’ll say it over and over and over again until you hear me.”
“Miguel,” your voice puffed out, weary and broken, “you cheated on me with your best friend and now you’re here trying to spin this and pull me back. I-I have dignity. As much as I want to pretend like what’s been happening this semester is meaningless, I can’t.”
“And I’m telling you that I would never do that you. Not in a million years, not in this lifetime, would I ever purposely hurt you in that way. Baby, please. Listen to me!”
“I see the way you are with her,” your words fall after his. “I remember the texts. There is something there. I don’t know if I can compete with that and I’m not trying to. So, if you want to be with her, then do that, but leave me out of it.”
Miguel is quick to grab your hands as you try to turn away, “Fine. There is something there.”
You try to yank yourself from him again, the pain from October 13th filling you again, but his hands are faster this time.
“There’s a girl who used to threaten to beat me up if I didn’t defend myself against bullies. There’s a girl who used to trade collectible cards with me in secret because her parents didn’t allow her to obsess over junk, and the girls at school thought it was lame. There’s a trust built long over a decade that has been broken. I do care about her, as I would do with any friend, but you have to understand that I care about you, too.”
“Then why didn’t you show that?” you whispered, tears leaving your eyes. “It felt humiliating, Miguel. That night, I felt disgusting. Like you were just throwing me away. I kept thinking that you lied to me about everything, that you were indulging in something that you never really wanted.”
Miguel reached to hold your face, thumbs sliding your tears away, heart breaking.
“Lo siento, amor. Hm?” he wanted to take your pain away and place it onto himself if it meant that you didn’t talk like this. “It’s not true. What we have created is not some trial run. I love you so deeply, that I was going insane. Knowing that you thought otherwise is painful to hear. The buildup to that night is a misunderstanding. You have to know that.”
You take a breath, “How could I know?”
Miguel stared at your face and thought the same.
He’s been yelling trust, trust, trust and when he thinks back to your few interactions with Xina, it clicks that you truly had no foundation to trust.
“If I had just been better, you would have known.”
Like you said, Xina had walked all over him.
“So what now?” you asked, and pull your sweater over your fingers.
Miguel blinked, “I was hoping to start over? Restart?”
“I can’t,” you said immediately and Miguel tensed. “You entering my life has given me far more ups than downs, but when those downs come, they can be brutal.”
“So, you don’t want me to be your boyfriend, again?”
You shake your head and he felt like it was his turn to cry.
“I want action. Show me that something like this won’t happen again. We can sit here and tell each other promises until we’re blue in the face, but what do those promises mean if one person or thing can ruin it.”
“I’ll do that. I’ll do anything.”
You brush his hair back and wrap his arms around your waist to settle in this feeling. Your thumbs traveled from his hairline to curves of his ears down to his jaw. They rub circles into his skin, slow and rhythmic.
“Have you talked with Xina? Has she confessed to what you’re telling me she has done?”
He shakes his head softly, afraid to break the scene.
You laugh, small and quiet, then unwrap his arms from around you. You go back to your canvas and start to scrape at the glass of the taboret. Miguel was so in a trance, that almost didn’t notice the switch.
“I’m going to talk with her,” Miguel stated across the room.
You wave a hand in the air, unmoved.
He followed you as you go to the mineral spirits bucket to soak your brushes.
“Baby-“
“As far as I’m concerned, you shouldn’t talk to me until whatever you two have going on is fixed. Don’t know who 'baby' is.”
You walk to the sink and turn the water on. Miguel was right behind you and grabbing the dish soap before you can.
“And I will talk to her,” Miguel sayid. You reach for the soap and he holds it out of your reach, petulant. “Baby.”
You give him an irritated look and pinch his neck. He makes a hurt noise and gives you the jug.
“Action. Miguel.”
GymRat!Miguel who waited until you’ve packed everything up.
He didn’t mean for this to turn into him teasing you, but he couldn’t help it. He was getting his fill while he still could.
“At least let me walk you back to your dorm,” Miguel sayid, picking up the wet paper towels you’ve been throwing at him.
“No, thanks. I have a date. I don’t need you changing up my energy.”
Miguel’s smile dropped.
“You do?”
“His name starts with an R, ends with an E. He’s super sweet. Sturdy.”
Reese? Reggie? Raye? Ronnie?
“I see,” Miguel’s heart plummets. “Your friend wasn’t just that.”
“Mm-hm. We’re still testing the waters, but I don’t think he’ll disappoint me.”
Miguel didn’t know what to say. He was nothing but bold, though.
“Who’s to say that…guy won’t hurt you?”
Who’s to say that he would treat you better than Miguel?
You pull the straps of your back over your shoulders and Miguel wants to hold it for you.
A snicker leaves you, “Because he’s made of plastic and is designed of pleasure.”
“Oh.”
“Bye. Enjoy your Thanksgiving.”
Miguel stood and watched you go, wondering if this was progress.
GymRat!Miguel whose bedroom was filled with the chatter of his friends once more.
Friendsgiving was always fun.
GymRat!Miguel who thinks that Lyla is a terrible teammate.
“You’ve got be doing this on purpose,” Miguel groaned as Lyla’s Yoshi pumps the pedal incorrectly.
“I don’t know what you’s talking about!” Her giggles float across the room as saw Miguel get more and more frustrated.
Winston and Tempest were laser-focused, their Monty Mole and Peach following a stead 1-2 rhythm to get their cart across the track.
“Lyla!” Miguel yells as her Yoshi stumbles back. “You’re selling me. You want me to lose.”
The mini-game ends with Tempest and Winston high-fiving each other and Miguel yelling at Bowser to pick his head up.
GymRat!Miguel who laughed as he watched Winston reenact his band director, nearly breaking his neck.
“I’ve never seen a bald man somersault on grass until that day.”
GymRat!Miguel who, full off of food and peach cobbler that Tempest made, stared at the bag of gummies that she placed in the middle of their huddle.
“We can just try this tonight. We’re safe with each other,” Tempest whispered.
“You guys are horrible role models,” Miguel said.
“I don’t know. That blue one is speaking to me. It reminds me of Scooby Doo,” Winston mumbled.
Lyla motioned across one, “Maybe we can cut it in half.”
“That defeats the purpose though. These barely have anything in them,” Tempest complained.
“Says you,” Miguel quipped. “You just called me about a cherry bong the other night.”
“Ok, but wasn’t it cute?”
GymRat!Miguel who nearly jumped out his skin when his door slams open.
Everyone except him shoves their gummy in their mouth with lightening speed. Miguel just holds his awkwardly as he turns to see him mom standing in the doorway.
“Yeah, ma?” he says. He chose to ignore Winston who is over exaggerating, lips smacking.
“Mijo! I have a surprise for you guys!”
GymRat!Miguel who sat awkwardly on his rug, running his wrapped gummy in his palm.
Lyla was practically in Tempest’s lap, tapping at her phone. Tempest is looking around their circle expectantly.
Winston started tapping a fast beat on his arm.
Miguel is looking everywhere except in front of him where Xina was sitting with her chin tucked into her knees.
“It’s good to see you again,” Winston said, forever the peacemaker.
Xina relaxed a bit, “You guys, too. I’ve missed this.”
Miguel saw Tempest softening up a bit at Xina’s words.
“When is stuff gonna hit?” Lyla barks out to which Tempest elbows her.
Xina cleared her throat, “Actually can we talk, Miguel?”
“Yeah, shoot.”
Xina looked around them, “Alone?”
GymRat!Miguel who was standing across from Xina in the office-turned-bedroom that his parents barely used.
“Did my mom invite you?” Miguel asked.
“Actually, Tempest did.”
Miguel raises his eyebrows and nods. He didn’t expect that but he’s not mad at it.
Xina was antsy, arms hiding themselves in the sleeves folded across her body. Miguel stayed quiet.
“So, things between us haven’t been exactly smooth sailing lately.”
“That’s one way to put it,” Miguel looked down at the shark slippers you bought him last year.
“And I have some things that I want to explain to you.”
Miguel raised his eyes expectantly. Xina was mirroring his posture, but her face looked uncomfortable, conflicted.
Her eyes flicker over his before she covered her face and huffs, “这太难了.” (This is so hard.)
“What’s hard?” Miguel asks, pulling together the few times Xina taught him anything. He sat down, hoping it would relax her more.
Her hands drop as she blinks at the ceiling, “Everything. When it comes to you, everything just gets overwhelming.”
“As in?”
She looked at him in disbelief, “As in I’m doing silly shit, again.”
A pause in her words comes as they hear laughter from down the hall.
“Last year was so surreal. I did everything right. My mailbox was full of acceptance letters. My mom finally genuinely smiled at me for the first time in what felt like years. I moved so far away from my parents that I felt like that string that kept me attached to them had broken. I had fun. I went to my first party and got so drunk that when I woke up, I was on the porch of a frat. I made friends who could relate to me more than anyone else. I made acquaintances who could have never gotten into that school without their parents painting the campus with money. Still, I worked my ass off and got kicked out because one of them hid drugs under my seat.”
Miguel’s breath hitched, but Xina continued.
“It was my word against kids whose parents could have the school shut down within minutes. My dad was so angry at me that he pretended like I wasn’t in his home. And my mom just,” her leg started to bounce. “She helped me pack up some things and sent me to go live with my aunt for the summer. It wasn’t until she dropped me off at the airport that whispered to me that she loved me. That she was proud of me. That it was ok to make mistakes.”
“I cried like a baby for half of the flight. And it wasn’t until I got to customs that I realized that I should have called you. You always knew what to tell me no matter what the situation was and I just disappeared. Everything came back tenfold and I missed you so much. So when I saw you again, it was like I fell back into my old habits. I thought ‘I’m finally going to do it!’ but would chicken out and relieve that stress. I was kind of hoping that my tipsy self would have more confidence.”
“Because a drunk tongue speaks a sober mind?” Miguel hummed.
Xina finally laughed, “Are you 40 or something? Yeah. Exactly.”
Miguel blinked and looked up at her, “So tell me what your sober mind wants to say, Xina.”
Xina’s eyes lowered, “That I. I feel like I lose myself when I’m around you. It’s why I acted the way I did. It’s why I overstepped.”
His heart picked up as he registered her words.
“I like you so much, Miguel. More than I can bear. More than I’d like to admit. More than a friend.”
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dividers by: @adornedwithlight 🩵
a/n: Please don't be mad at me. 😵‍💫 Also please watch your tone in the comments. 🤠 Be very mindful, very demure.
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The taglist is full, so if you would like to be informed of future updates, check my blog occasionally (💀) or subscribe to the story on AO3!
taglist: @ghost-lantern @miguelhugger2099 @emelie-s-h @lake-lili
@obsessed-with-miguels-ass @scaleniusrm @superiorspiderass @lexluvswriting
@flordelalunas @froggygal @vmpz8sauceee @famouscattale @nixinluv02
@jada-of-arcadia @spideykid22 @what-the-jams @julia4today @tojishugetiddies
@samjinxx @sleeklyalisha @the-pan-liquid @prongs-lover @kikaaauu
@urlocallocachica @wanderlustingcastaway @peachey-pie @ch3rry-bl1ss @girl-of-multi-fandoms
@love-kha1 @manlikemilesmyguy @sillysillygoofygoose @monticellohoe @kodzuminx
@lauraolar14 @bruhhvv @m4dyy @farrowroyale @cl3stevu
@ohara-whore @muneca-lemon-steppa @alexa4040 @amelialysm @snails-doodles22
@questionable-behaviour @babygotl01292003 @calig0sto @tatatida @haveclayeveryday
@corpsenightmarebride @earth2fae @maiyart @feegrh32 @darkstarlight82
@ladysimp @sonicbutbutter @relatednative @slowlyshycomputer @nuetralcolorsenthusiast
@maxlinpetersen @beyondstarlight @Madeofstar-dust @leoeloo @just-simpins-blog
@poisamm @thequeenreaders @tinybirdhidedout @aly29a2001 @mimi-sanisanidiot
@snakelore @pigeonmama @darkstalight82 @prettygirleli @koikohib
@jayskookies @xo-zeze @planetxella @thedevax @stressed-cherry
235 notes · View notes
81folklore · 7 months ago
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i can do it with a broken heart - f1 grid
parings: gn!driver!reader x platonic!f1!grid x ex!jacob elordi
summary: after yn and their ex break up, they carry on as best they can and no one had any idea how bad they were struggling
type: social media au (smau)
notes: george is in this but he does not drive for mercedes, yn does. i also used a mixture of fem and masc pictures because i couldnt decide and thought you could just imagine whatever you wish!!
notes 2: probably the longest fic ive done so far but im pretty proud of it. the time stamps above each section are semi important so i would keep an eye on them!! also i know ive been gone for so long but i do not promise ill be back. alsoooo i know i only included a bit of the grid but i kept getting distracted and then couldn’t figure out how to include everyone!!
masterlist
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march 2024
twitter
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charles oh my god i cant believe my cat is finally the pfp
i have been waiting for YEARS
max yes well you better enjoy it because it’ll change soon and you’ll be back to waiting again.
lando jesus max do you have to use punctuation???
alex be glad he doesnt use captials
oscar one thing at a time lando, we dont want to scare him
max ???
lando anyway
yn mate you ok?
yourname im fine? ur scaring me you never ask how i am
lando yeah but usually your not single
lewis oh no! you and jacob split?
yourname yeah, wasnt working anymore
charles ah im sorry, that must suck😣
yourname i mean it does but its been coming for a long time so its not surprising
fernando hello! yn what is wrong? you always use emotes!
yourname theyre emojis nando, and im fine just a bit lost
fernando do not worry, i will come and find you!
yourname no, i dont mean literally just..we were together for so long i dont really know what to do now you know?
lando i get it, you wanna play tarkov with me???
yourname cheers ill get on now
george let us know if you need anything!
may 2024
yourusername
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liked by mercedesamgf1, lewishamilton and 814,583 others
p✌️ was just what we needed this weekend!
thank you to everyone who came out and supported myself and the team and huge thank you to the team for working so hard all weekend⭐️
view comments
mercedesamgf1 mega job this weekend yn👊 *liked by author*
landonorris nice to share the podium with you mate
yourusername same time next race?
user33 loved seeing you back on the podium
user2 absolutely smashing it this season
user21 more podiums please🤲 *liked by author*
user3 fourth podium of the year first p✌️*liked by author*
twitter
*pretend it says after march i changed dates around last min*
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august 2024
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liked by lukehemmings, charles_leclerc and 1,124,642 others
did some reading, painting and writing
baked some good food and spent time with some good people, also got a cat…not bad for summer break☀️
view comments
user66 AHHHHHH
yourusername ahhhhhhh
user26 cats name plsplspls
yourusername norman🐱
lukehemmings nice music👍
yourusername woah arent you the guy who wrote mum?!
mercedesamgf1 ready to see you back on the podium
yourusername always!!!!
user74 have you had funnnn??
yourusername yesss!! ive been doing lots of things i enjoy, basically treating every day as my birthday😋
twitter
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*was supposed to write them instead of her sorry!! was doing two stories at once and kept getting mixed up😅*
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october 2024
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liked by mercedesamgf1, gracieabrams and 1,291,638 others
p☝️ for the 3rd time this season, very very pleased
huuuuuge thank you to the team, every single one of you who worked tirelessly over the summer break and every moment since then, these have been for you⭐️
view comments
user55 what a good season to be a yn fan *liked by author*
user6 these races have been incredible to watch, so proud
yourusername ⭐️⭐️
gracieabrams woop woop!!!!
yourusername 😝😝
user2 gracie??
user41 why have we not had any personal photo dumps yet😕😕
user88 right we miss seeing you yn!!
yourusername sorry guys😣ive been suuuper busy working on something i just honestly forgot
user41 NEW PROJECT?? WHEN?? (also pls dont feel bad we love u)
yourusername soon!! (and i love u guys too)
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november 2024
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liked by taylorswift, lewishamilton and 3,689,921 others
tagged: taylorswift
i cannot believe i get to say this, but my new friend taylor just released a new album and i was able to write a song on the album
im honestly not sure how this came about but i had so much fun writing this and expressing all my thoughts and feelings in a way ive never done before
i poured my life and soul into this song and im so glad taylor is the one who is singing it and really bought it to life
send some love to my friend and go and stream THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT (most importantly i can do it with a broken heart😉)
comments have been limited
taylorswift thank you for trusting me with this song, so much love🤍
yourusername NO THANK YOU!!! i will be forever grateful⭐️⭐️
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yourusername added to their story
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seen by taylorswift, lewishamilton and 729,282 others
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charles i feel completely betrayed yn
fernando oh no😟! what did yn do?
charles THEY DIDNT TELL ME THEY WERE WRITING A SONG??
AND WITH TAYLOR SWIFT HOW COULD YOU☹️☹️
yourname sorry charles, surprise?!
charles ill forgive you because its a good song
yourname thank you my life just got infinitely better!
yuki very good song yn! has been on repeat☺️
yourname thanks yuki, glad you like it!!
lando I LOVE IT TOO
but seriously are you ok?!
yourname yeahhh im better now
was just a lot to navigate
lewis glad you found an outlet! but remember you can always talk to any of us
yourname i know and i appreciate it, i really do
alex yn was that twitter thread right?
yourname mate youre going to have to elaborate
alex user56tweetlink
yourname oh pretty much yeah
some things were changed with taylor but not much
fernando just listened to the song yn! very nice👍well done!
yourname thank uu
max good song yn!
now
lando can you please tell me what you meant on your twitch stream!
oscar max is kind of scary
max dont make me talk about that interview next oscar!
914 notes · View notes
afterglowsainz · 2 months ago
Text
ordinary things | richard rios
pairing: richard rios x bsf!reader
summary: you’ve always had a minor (huge) crush on your best friend, but he seems oblivious
fc: various girls from pinterest
a/n: this one is for me and the other five richard rios girlies in tumblr just bc colombia won and i’m in a happy mood forever
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liked by yourusername, endrick and others
richardrios.m from today ⚽️💚
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username thank god for men
username 😩😩😩
username is hard to be normal about this ngl
username muito nivel 🔥 (too much level)
username richard rios is the man i deserve
username lindinhooo 😍 (pretty)
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liked by richardrios.m, bffusername and others
yourusername some greeeen love 💚
tagged richardrios.m and lazaro_vinicius10
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username love to see y/n at the games😽
username i wanna be y/n when i grow up
username my favorite wag🤍 (not a wag but still)
username no but is only a matter of time (i’m being delusional)
bffusername the prettiestttt💘
yourusername 🥰
username richard if you don’t wife her up i will
richardrios.m 💚🥷
yourusername 🫶🏽
username obsessed with her
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liked by murilopaim, luisdiaz19_ and others
richardrios.m 🍻🌊🌴
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username que homem 😍 (what a man)
username speechless rn
username he’s with y/nnnn 🤭
username they would make such a great couple
username RIGHT idk why they’re not together 😩
yourusername 🤍 (liked by richardrios.m)
username get together already omg
username y/n and richard are so cute 🥰
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liked by bffusername, joacopiquerez and others
yourusername fun times with fun company🍸
tagged bffusername and richardrios.m
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username the true it girl
username y/n i pray to you
bffusername blondes do have more fun👯‍♀️
yourusername confirm
username last pic … i’m thinking thoughts
username when they get together we act surprised
richardrios.m 😽
yourusername 💚
username she’s so iconic i love her
username sooo serena van der woodsen coded
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liked by kimkardashian, judebellingham and others
yourusername have you tried skims already … 💗
tagged skims
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username IN HER MODEL ERA
username i am no better than a man i’m afraid
username someone check on my man richard
bffusername the hottest ever 🥵 (liked by yourusername)
username can richard fight?
username just feel to my knees 😩
username no i’m panicking
richardrios.m 🥰 (liked by yourusername)
yourusername my guy do you know you have 30 minutes ???
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liked by daniel.chitiva, mauriciomp7 and others
richardrios.m unposted from these last few games🥷⚽️
view all comments
username meu deus 🥵 (my god)
username unforgettable indeed
username my man (and y/n’s)
username the hands, the neck tattoos, the little star on his cheek …. speechless
username thinking that y/n probably gave him the star 😩😩😩
username bro casually posting a thirst trap out of nowhere 😭
username damn.
username he knows he’s fine 😔
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liked by yourusername, raphaelveigaa and others
richardrios.m 🎊🍾
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username pls why is he so cute
username always with y/n 🫶🏽
username soooo adorable
username i’m in love
username 💍?
username lindo demais 😩 (too handsome)
username richard just one chanceee
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liked by richardrios.m, bffusername and others
yourusername life lately🧚🏼‍♀️🥷
tagged bffusername and richardrios.m
view all comments
username OMG ???
username the way i always knew this was gonna happen and i was still not prepared for a hard launch
username FINALLY!!! my man richard got the girl
username y/n using the ninja emoji in the caption🥺
username they’re too cute 🥰
username finally we can call her a wag while being an actual wag
username all the y/nrichard nation girlies cheered
username the boyfriend material we’re gonna get it’s gonna be insane😩
richardrios.m the most beautiful!❤️
yourusername 💗💗💗
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taffywabbit · 1 year ago
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idk if i'm way off the mark on this, but the way some people are responding to that Guillermo del Toro interview about the decline of studio animation is a bit frustrating to me. specifically the bit where he talks about "emoji animation" and how everything is over-animated and pushed too far and things are rarely allowed to not be ultra-cartoony (y'know, because animation always needs to be marketable to children who are never trusted to have attention spans, right?). like, i think he's generally correct about it! but some folks are taking the wrong message away from that.
i've seen people going off about how "soulless" and "corporate" various recent examples are, and talking about these pieces of media as though they're the result of some kind of personal failing or lack of skill/range on the part of the animators, and it's just like. do people realize that's the only animation you're usually allowed to DO in the industry, unless you get incredibly lucky and land yourself on a project/studio that's unusually cool?
when i was in college for animation it was literally drilled into us nonstop that everything had to be pushed more, that exaggeration was not a guideline or a sometimes-treat but a hard rule that always had to be applied regardless of what was going on, because the viewer couldn't be trusted to pick up on subtlety and we sure as hell couldn't be trusted to convey it. you ever wonder why there's such a specific vibe to a lot of self-directed student films, particularly ones that are focused on character acting/interaction or deep emotions and introspection (especially when there's minimal/no dialogue)? it's because for a lot of young animators, they haven't had the freedom to experiment with realism and subtlety up to that point and they're likely not going to have it again for a while (or at all, unless their career path leads to higher positions where they might have more creative direction over the things they work on. which also becomes a lot less likely if they're anything other than a cishet white dude, for what it's worth).
i would LOVE to see more nuanced, realistic, understated motion and acting in animation. i WANT more characters to be able to express what they're feeling through natural body language and facial cues and for scenes to allow me to breathe instead of spelling everything out in giant bold flashing text all the time. what del Toro wants to see changed in the animation industry sounds great, and i hope others join him in seeking to revamp what modern animation is allowed to be.
but as things currently stand, and as they've stood for a long while now, most artists doing the grunt work on the shows and movies you see are completely at the mercy of corporations and networks who have a vested interest in producing a very specific kind of marketable and cost-efficient media all the time. (and by extension that style is ALSO what's taught in most animation schools, because their job more than anything is to grind you down into a perfect little sweatshop worker who will bend over backwards to meet quotas and get your work approved and not question the higher-ups, even if you have little to no personal investment in the projects you're working on, so that the studios who employ you can maintain their good reputations or whatever)
anyways idk what my point was here, this really just sorta became a rant and my views have undoubtedly been coloured by my own personal experiences (this kinda shit is largely why i dropped out before my last year of animation school, for the record).
i guess just be kind to folks in the animation industry? they've had it fucking rough nonstop for well over a century (the majority of them are still not unionized and there's HUGE pushback against doing so in many places). i assure you they are doing their best to infuse the latest uninspired illumination flick or weird spinoff kids' show with literally any amount of soul they can. you don't have to like the stuff that gets produced by any means! be a hater! i'm certainly not gonna stop you. just remember where these creative decisions come from and why these conditions exist, and consider that when YOU watched something and thought "hmm that could've been done better", you can bet your ass someone actually working on it probably thought the same thing but couldn't do anything about it. these things WILL change as the industry itself improves, but in the meantime folks have to pay their rent, and that usually means doing what they're told and working in a way that will minimize revisions and meet quotas so they can keep their jobs. it sucks, but it is what it is.
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stars1997 · 8 months ago
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Anniversary Love
Paring(s): Nico Hischier x Fem! Reader
Warnings: Smut!! (18+) smut with plot, fingering, phone sex, mutual masturbation. (Not edited)
Summary: The team had a few away games over on the west coast this week. The away games also happen to fall on your and Nico’s anniversary. you decide to wear one of his jerseys when watching the game. he scores a few goals and to show him how proud you are of him you send him a few risky photos/videos.
word count: 1.7k
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It was 9 p.m. on a Friday, and the Devils were going up against the LA Kings. The game didn’t start till 10 p.m. This gave you some time to make some dinner before the game started.
You made yourself a grilled cheese and some soup. Eating it quickly and sending a good luck text to Nico.
Some of the wives and girlfriends invited you over so you could all watch the game together. You told them you weren’t feeling the best, they told you it would be best if I stayed home and got some rest.
Cleaning up your dishes, there was only a couple of minutes before the game started. You went into your and Nico’s room and grabbed one of Nico’s jerseys.
Getting comfortable, slipping out of your day clothes, and leaving nothing but your underwear on. You slide on the jersey and some fluffy socks and make your way over to the couch.
Making yourself comfortable, grabbing the blanket that Nico and you use when you watch movies together. It took the rest of the time to turn on the TV and get the game on, when you finally got it up, they were getting ready for puck drop.
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The first period had gone by fast. The devils are up by one and the kings at zero. Nico was the one being interviewed during the first intermission. He looked flushed and all sweaty. The LA Kings were playing hard tonight so that meant that the Devils had to play harder.  
“You have been playing extra hard out there tonight. I know that LA has been pushing you guys to work hard but is there a reason why you are working just a little harder?” the interviewer asks Nico. Today is Nico’s and yours second anniversary. Even though we have been together for two years, him being away for so long always makes you sad.
“No, yeah. LA pushed us to be our best selves out there. We were very lucky to be able to get that goal. But I'm also playing for my lovely lady at home! Today is our two year anniversary. I love you and I’ll be home before you know it.” He looks at the camera for that last part, sending you a wink. The interviewer thanks him and he heads to the locker room.
Your cheeks were bright red. You pick up your phone to text him a photo of how red in the face you were. He sent back a quick heart and kissing face emoji. You let out a little giggle.
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They were in the middle of the second period. The devils are now up by two, the score now being three to one. Nico was fighting to get the puck out of the devil’s zone. He skates around the net sending the puck to Luke. He skates down the ice and passes by Luke. Luke sends the puck back to Nico. Nico was able to get a breakaway. Shooting the puck and making a goal.
“Yes!” your arms in the air as you cheer at the tv. After the goal they zoomed in you your boyfriend. He’s got a huge smile on his face, as he’s letting out huffs of air trying to catch his breath. Something about the excitement of the goal and how hot he looked when they zoomed in on him turned you on a little bit. Not long after they dropped the puck to continue the game Nico scored another goal.
The second intermission rolled around, and the score was now five to three, Nico scoring two of those goals. you decided to send him a little congratulation text.
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y/n: Oh my! Congrats babe on the two goals! do you think it’s because I’m wearing this? y/n: (photo of you in his jersey) Nico: Thank you, baby! Hoping for a third, just for you. Nico: You look hot in my jersey. I wish I was home to see you in it in person. y/n: Wish you were here so you could take it off me. Nico: Don’t do this to me right now baby. I need to head back out for third period. I love you and ill call you when I get to my hotel room.
You smile at your phone, an idea popping into your head.
_________________________
The third period went by a lot faster than you were expecting. They were able to keep the lead but not by much. The final score being five to three.
You were going to show him just how proud you were of him and how he played in tonight’s game. You open the camera app, setting your phone down on the couch so its resting against some pillows so it was able to get your whole body in frame.
First you decided to take a few photos. The first one, you’re sitting on your heels. Your back facing the camera so your able to see the number and his last name.
You lift the bottom of the jersey up just enough to show off the black lace thong that you have on underneath.
Turning so you’re now facing the camera you then lift the jersey up, flashing the camera as it took the photo.
The last photo you bring one of your hands down to your underwear, touching yourself over the lace, your other hand still holding up the jersey.
You let out a little giggle as you press the send button on the first photo.
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y/n: (photo) y/n: What do you think of this photo I took? Was thinking of posting it so people know that #13 is mine. Nico: No! you will not be posting that photo. y/n: What about these? y/n: (photo’s) Nico: Babe you need to stop sending me these when I’m still in the locker room with the boys. Now be a good girl and wait for me to call you when I get back to the hotel.
Another giggle left your lips at his text.
y/n: Yes sir.
_________________________
You waited about twenty minutes, but you were growing impatient. pulling down your underwear, tossing them onto the floor next to you. Setting the camera back up as you press record.
You position yourself so your back is against the arm rest. Your hands playing with your tits before you slide your right hand down, sliding your fingers through your folds.
Your quick to send it to Nico. Although you didn’t get a response back right away. It takes a minute for your phone to ring. You pick it up to see that Nico is facetiming you.
“Why are you such a brat?” he says as his face comes into frame on your phone.
“Only for you baby. I’m so happy for you! Two goals that’s amazing.”  You give him a cute little smile, trying to act innocent. “Thank you, baby, but that’s not going to detract me form the fact that you were being a brat earlier and still being one now. You made me hard right after I got out of the shower, I only had my towel on. Everyone was confused why I was taking so long to get dressed.” You knew that if he was home, he would have you over his lap right now.
“I’m sorry, I just wanted to show you how proud I was of you tonight. Did you not like it?” you ask still acting innocent. As he starts to talk, your hand reaches down to play with your clit. “No baby I love when you show me how proud of me you are, but you should have waited till I got back to the hotel. You know better than to send me stuff like that Infront of the guys.” You let out a little moan when he finishes his sentence.
“Man, you really like being a brat don’t you,” he says, your fingers don’t stop though. You could hear his zipper, he was quick to pull down his pants and underwear. You hear shuffling then his face pops back into frame with the headboard behind him.
He spits in his hand bringing it to his cock, his head tips back and he lets out a moan. “Fuck baby I wish I was with you right now. I wish this was your hand stroking me.” He says, stroking his cock faster. your fingers rub your clit faster, matching his speed.
“I hate that you’re going to be gone for so long. We’re going to have to do this every night,” I say, he lets out a little laugh.
“Fuck. Set your phone up so I can see you and use your other hand to finger yourself.” His accent stronger now then before. You set your phone up, doing what he told you to do.
You let out a loud moan as you curl your finger inside you. You’re trying to keep your moans down, not wanting to get another noise complaint.
You can hear him mumble curse words under his breath after every grunt and moan that he lets out. “Baby I’m not going to be able to last any longer. I want you to cum with me.” You nod letting him know that your also close.
“Fuck Nico. I’m,” you’re not able to finish your sentence because your cut off by the loud moan that leaves your mouth. You hear Nico let out a grunt, letting you know that he came as well.
“Fuck baby I miss you so much, but I got to go. I have to let jack know that he can come back into the room and then I have to go to sleep. So do you because its late over there. Happy anniversary love and we will celebrate when I get home.” He says, out of breath. Running a hand through his hair. You both say goodnight and hang up the call.
_________________________
You take a shower and get changed into some comfy pajamas about to get into bed when a knock sounds on the door. You open it to see one some of the girlfriends and wives. “Weren’t feeling good my ass. How was your little call with Nico?” one of them asks making you blush. now knowing that they were able to hear you from the apartment that they were hanging out in.
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personasintro · 2 years ago
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Employed 01 | jjk
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⏤𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘴; Being independent while living the harsh reality of adulthood is sparked by arrogance in the form of the most infuriating man you've ever met.
⏤𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨: ceo!jungkook x reader
⏤𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: fluff, angst, smut, slow burn, enemies to lovers
⏤𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: explicit language
⏤𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 16.4k+
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banner by: @archivedkookie // thank you so much again for making this for me! ♡
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index (to be added)
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El: I think I'm drunk again
"think or know?"
El: know then
El: turns out I didn't have sex yesterday 
El: god I already masturbated twice today!!!
You could survive without that information, a snicker leaving your mouth at your best friend's messages. She had a date yesterday. Well, you're not sure if it was officially a date or she just hung out with one of her co-workers she's been flirting with for weeks now. 
Elaine broke up with her then boyfriend recently. This co-worker of hers has caught her eyes even when she was in a relationship (with a total douchebag). Not mentioning he's still in a relationship with his girlfriend. They're not on good terms either but still. It's complicated and who are you to judge?
"make it three then" 
El: it's not helping :/
"because he's all you're thinking about"
That one is true. He's been a topic number one in any of your conversations.
El: that's true lol
El: but I'm kinda scared to get involved with someone from my work
"I'm not surprised, it usually is like that"
"but look, you're never gonna find out if you don't try it"
While you're trying to be as supportive as a best friend can be, you do have your own opinion about her little shenanigans. But in the end, you do want her to be happy and not be depressed because of her two failed relationships from before. This guy at least seems to be treating her right and he's a proper gentleman. Not a red flag which cannot be said about the previous two ones. 
El: so you think I should give it a chance?
Jumping from one relationship to another is... you're not sure what to think of it. Everyone's different and you try to keep being open-minded. If he makes her happy and she wants to try it, why not? 
You know you would be more wary, especially after a heartbreak. You would focus on yourself first, recharge and regain self-love or whatever people do after a break-up. 
Before you can type your reply, another message pops up.
El: because he treats me right and everything's perfect... I'm just scared of that one fact of working together
"well working with friends or family never does any good, the same goes for relationships"
That's a fact. In most cases it's the worst anyone can do. 
"but try it if you feel like that's the right thing"
You're not one of those friends who give false hope. You're honest, try to be without getting too honest which could potentially hurt someone. Elaine is a wonderful woman. You've known her for years and have been best friends just as long. It's unfortunate the majority of your communication is done through messages and occasional video calls. Ever since you moved out of the country, you've been away from everyone. 
However, you knew what you would lose in order to pursue a different life you always wanted.
El: what about you tho? have you found yourself a job yet?
The question you've found unpleasant back home – and you still do. 
"no :("
El: don't worry! you just got there
El: I'm sure you'll find one soon x
Sighing, you wish Elaine's words would come true. Preferably very soon.
You send her a quick thank you with a heart emoji before someone slides onto the opposite seat. Met with a wide grin and crinkled eyes at the ends, your before neutral expression turns into a surprise and happiness. You didn't hear him coming!
"Hobi!" you greet him after not seeing his face for a few days.
He's been your friend for quite some time now. Actually, it's safe to say he's been a huge help ever since you decided to move here. It lasts until now and without his help, you're not sure if you would've ever had the guts to leave the comfort of familiarity of your country.
"Hey," he greets, laughing a little as the air becomes more cheerful. Or maybe it's only you and the fact he's no stranger to you. 
Having prying eyes on you almost all the time is still a little uncomfortable. As if they knew you're a foreigner right out of the bat.
Hoseok chose to meet up at his favorite place. He's a little late, but you don't have the heart to scold him for it. You know it's only your anxiety of having to be here alone, feeling strangers' eyes on you. Luckily, you did the typical trick. Staring into your phone, minding your business and trying to act unbothered. 
"Have you ordered anything yet?"
"Ah, no," you shake your head, "Was waiting for you."
You had to tell the older lady to give you more time since your friend should be arriving anytime soon. 
"Sorry for running late, traffic here is no joke." he apologizes, shrugging his overshirt as he hangs it over the bag of his stool.
"It's fine." you tell him, catching his amused expression which causes you to purse your lips. 
"No scolding?"
"I was about to but I changed my mind."
"Of course you were." he laughs.
Before another word can be uttered and a fit of giggles surround the round table, what you assume is the owner – the same lady that asked you for your order earlier – comes back with the same kind smile. Hoseok says both your orders, already knowing your usual choice since you're here the third time already. Like you said, it's his favorite place to eat. Korean barbecue is definitely worth every penny. 
"I didn't wanna tell you on the phone but–" He giggles when he notices your wary look. "You haven't found a job yet, right?" He makes sure.
For some reason, your cheeks heat up in guilt. Guilt from not being able to find out despite living here for two weeks. Okay, it might not be a long time but the whole process of finding a job is way harder. You've been through something similar back in home. Having to experience this all over again feels very saddening. You would lie if you told you haven't had any expectations. Of course, you know it's not going to be easy but still. You hoped it would be easier.
You're a little fucked up from the situation back home. The months you waited to get a job and then lose it in the span of one month. Wasn't your fault, but it still hurts though. 
Shortly said, you just can't allow yourself to experience that again. 
"No." you mumble, placing your elbow on the table as you prop your chin on your palm. 
"Perfect," he says, met with a raised brow from you. "I have a friend."
"Oh god."
"No, listen to me," he presses. 
Hoseok has a lot of friends. Different types of friends. While you haven't been able to meet most of them (which you're sure is not even possible since he's got a lot of them), you've heard of them. 
"He owns a company. A very prestigious one," 
That has your eyes widening.
"He's been looking for an assistant, told me about it when we went out for a whiskey."
"Since when do you drink whiskey?"
"Not the point," he grits, "Anyway, he just mentioned it very briefly but then an idea sparked when I was home. How did I not think of it sooner? Right, like–"
"Hobi." You motion for him to shorten it and to get to the fucking point. 
"Right," he laughs, "So–you should work for him."
You blink and stare, breathing out a chuckle. "Just like that?"
"Well, no." he frowns a little, "You should probably go to the interview–but honestly, you have nothing to be scared of."
"But assistant? What are the requirements? What about–"
"He's gonna tell you everything. We don't talk about work much and he only briefly mentioned looking for an assistant. But you're great and skillful. What else do you need to be an assistant?"
"I don't think it's that easy, Hobi. Especially if it's some big company like you said."
Hoseok leans back, shrugging. "He's my friend. He's gonna take you in." he promises and waves his hand, sending you a little assurement along with a wide supportive smile. 
You're not sure you're assured at all. But you have nothing to lose. You told Elaine to try it because else she wouldn't know. Even though this is not about a relationship at all, there's some similarity to the situation. 
And you're going to listen to your own advice.
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Hoseok wasn't lying when he said about his friend's company. That alone made your stomach shrink with unease and the only thing that calmed you was the reminder of their friendship. Regardless of this successful friend of his and what he said about his business, you expected a decent and nice building. 
Not a freaking tallest and biggest building on a street full of companies. 
Holy shit. 
That's your first reaction you luckily keep to yourself while you stare at the tall building. Oh god. You're ten seconds from running away like a coward but you can't. You simply can't let a stupid stress affect you. This is a great opportunity for you. 
Plus, not to mention the lengths Hoseok went through to get you a chance to have an interview here. He talked to his friend because of you, purely because of that you can't disappoint him as well. 
Staring at the building, it screams of wealth even from its exterior. Is it stupid to say it kind of looks a little intimidating? Sure, your nerves could play a role in this as well. It looks like the entire building is covered in glass, in one you can't see through from the outside. Plus it looks super clean. 
Do they get it cleaned often? You laugh at your thoughts, releasing a breath you've been holding before you finally start walking toward the entrance. 
The only info Hoseok gave you was time and date. He told you there's nothing to worry about and you'll find your way around. Despite the lack of information, he tried to assure you. But walking up the stairs, you mentally curse at your friend. He might've done that because he didn't want you all stressed out, but it has a complete opposite effect.
So you remind yourself of his words of assurement and just go for it. 
The tall and huge door is automatic. Of course it is. It opens as soon as you're close enough, fast enough so you don't have to halt your steps which happens often with automatic doors. 
Scent of freshness and (novelty?) hits you pleasantly as soon as you're inside. It's everything you see in big movies. A lot of space, minimalistic but pretty interior. Everything is modern and even people working here are dressed elegantly, in dark blue color that is matched with white. 
"Miss? Where are you going?"
Almost jumping at the sudden presence beside you, you see a bulky man with a security tag attached to his elegant shirt. Even security has elegant attire? Holy fuck, Hoseok, where did you send me?
You're impressed, almost too impressed but that only sparks your stress even more. 
Especially when you see the man patiently waiting for your response. 
"Umm," Great. "I've got a job interview here?"
He scans you as if he's searching for any hints of lying. What is this? A fucking pentagon? 
"They'll give you directions at the reception desk. Please, continue past the detector." he says professionally, pointing at the detector system you've only seen at airports.
"Thank you." You try to send him a polite smile, your legs suddenly feeling a little wobbly in those heels. 
You chose an elegant outfit, a nice soft pink set with a touch of a few decent silver accessories. It's not too much but it screams of elegance which suits their theme. You paid extra attention to your make-up and hair, putting all your effort and not only because it distracted you today. 
The reception desk is at the very end, not hard to miss as a huge logo of the company is lit up and attached to the marble wall. There is a young woman aware of your presence immediately, welcoming you there before asking what you are looking for. If they're surprised to see you here, they don't show it as much. 
After explaining you're here for the job interview, she asks for your name and after she checks your information, she gives you directions to get there. There are a lot of employers, busy doing their job as some of them wait for an elevator. There are three of them! 
Other than that, nobody really pays you any attention as a silent chatter involving business resounds inside the elevator. Some of them get out sooner, some of them wait until it's their turn.
Number twelve lits up as a robotic voice informs you of the floor you situate. You get out, not quite sure where else to go as you look left and right. A little confused, the young receptionist hasn't offered any further information beside getting out on floor twelve. That's until you see a group of young females gathered on the left side of the building. Getting a feeling this is it, you walk toward them.
There is another receptionist desk, a few chairs and leather sofa in the hallway as all of them seem to be waiting. This is it.
"Welcome, miss. Are you here for the interview?" Someone asks, catching your attention as you notice another receptionist with the same attire like the one that greeted you earlier. 
This one has short hair, perfectly straightened and styled.
"Oh, hello. Yes I am." you respond lightly as she nods.
"Please sit down and make yourself comfortable. Can I offer you a glass of water?" she asks after she points toward the group of women that are waiting. 
"No, thank you." you smile, luckily finding yourself a free spot where you can sit down. 
It's interesting to see different types of interested parties. You notice how each of them are women and you wonder if that was a requirement or it's because of something else. 
Either way, they're all dressed perfectly and definitely put their best effort. Again, Hoseok said this is a good and big company, so it makes sense everyone probably wants to work here. It's not like you don't feel like you don't fit it, even though it's stupid and they most likely want this job just as much as you do. However, some of them look confident and determined to even be here. They came prepared. 
You purely judge it by their confidence that oozes out of them, without them having to talk at all. 
And then there's a few of them that look nervous, even though they try their best to hide it and match other's energy. 
As much as there's Hoseok enthusiasm about his friend giving you the job, nothing's sure and the huge queue just proves it.
You definitely feel like you could relate more to the latter. You're a little nervous and everyone's eyes are on the door when it gets open, another woman getting out of there. She greets the receptionist before walking away with confident steps, her heels clacking against the marble floor.
You gulp, curling your toes in your heels.
You sit there and wait. Not going to lie, you think about pulling out your phone and at least entertaining yourself with the device until it's your turn. However, no one seems to be doing that and you definitely don't want to give an impression that you don't want to be here. You can't be sure.
There are eyes everywhere, including cameras that you've noticed are in every corner. They don't miss anything. Every fuck up there possibly could be, they're going to see.
But it does make sense. They need to be protected.
One thing about you is that you don't like waiting. You can be patient but after a while you get bored. You've watched your surroundings for the past forty minutes – what else is there to do? 
Your boredom is bound to end eventually and when your name is called, you spring onto your feet. They must've sent your information to the receptionist on this floor, since she never asked for your name. But that's the least of your worries when you finally walk toward the other room. Too focused on not stumbling and doing something embarrassing, you focus on your steps until you get inside the room where everyone has been walking out of. 
It's huge.
This is no meeting room or room designed for job interviews. This is an office. A huge one with a freaking seating area. Your mouth is agape as you notice a similar design the whole building has. The only difference is the view over the entire city and little coziness this office has. It's slightly more personal without having any personal pictures or anything – at least that's what you've quickly caught onto. 
It's hard to navigate around the room, you're not sure where to go. 
"Are you going to come in or not?"
A deep voice resounds around the corner making your eyes widen and stomach shrink. Embarrassed of being called out at checking this place out and clearly not moving, you clear your throat and reach the corner.
A man. 
He stands behind a desk, eyes focused down as his fingers briefly touch the stack of paper spreaded on the dark oak desk.
Before you can utter a single word, politely greet whoever this man is, he speaks again.
"Are you mute?"
What the–
"No?" you almost scoff, frowning a little which causes him to finally lift his gaze up.
He stares you up and down, scoffing silently under his breath. His dark eyes are one of the first things you notice on him. Even from a distance, you can make out the dominance in them. He's tall and has broad shoulders which are definitely more defined in the white button-up. The black suit hugs his form perfectly, like it's been designed for him.
You're not stupid. This man is important. And young. He's too young to be the CEO. Don't they have someone on their team to do the job interviews anyway? Whoever he is, he's clearly confident and full of himself. Perhaps you're mistaken but well...
He cocks his brow at you, eyes motioning at the two chairs in front of his desk. He's telling you to get there and sit down. 
You listen, despite your eyes attached to his form as he no longer watches you. He sits down, making himself comfortable as he peeks into the papers. Your full name comes out of his mouth, reading it aloud as the question sits in the air for a moment.
"Yes, that's me." you jump in to answer, not wanting to make this any more awkward.
You're still slightly perplexed by the not so pleasant start. Suddenly, you understand why most of the women out there were nervous. 
While you sit down and have him right in front of you just a few feet away, you try not to stare too much. He is young. He could potentially be Hoseok's friend. 
"Have you brought any documents with you? CV? Documents of your skills and diplomas? Anything?"
Gulping, you nod before you pull out your finished CV that Hoseok has helped you with. 
He takes it from you, flipping through the pages as he stays quiet. His face is hard to read. A frown clouds most of his features and he looks stern. Too stern for such a young male.
He briefly glances at you, while you play with your nails out of his eyesight. God. What was that look for? You know you're not overly qualified and you haven't graduated from a prestigious school. Your hope of getting this job is slowly dying down as he remains quiet before he tosses the papers onto his desk.
He leans back, glancing somewhere above your head as he sighs. "Why do you think you're suitable for this position?"
Okay, you got this. Fuck, you hate this question. You need money, clearly.
"You know, most people don't even get a chance to get to the job interview stage. Not people with your CV and education history."
"Pardon?" Your response is immediate. With an edge to your tone.
However, he is unfazed. 
"Why are you here, Miss–" He stops before glancing at the papers again before saying your surname. 
This dude is fucking–
Forget he's the hottest piece of man you've ever seen. You can tell right out of bat he's arrogant, a little too arrogant. You know he probably has different types of people coming into his office, you're aware your education record isn't something mind-blowing... but he can still be polite and not so rude.
And before your attitude can come to the surface, you remind yourself why you're here.
You need this.
This is your chance.
You've been staying in your AirBnB ever since you came here. Since you have no job yet, you can't exactly rent any place. So you're paying for the apartment that's your temporary home with your saved up money. You need to find a job and then a place to live in as soon as possible. 
"My friend told me about this job. He knows the CEO. Maybe you could ask him, he probably knows of me."
He knows the CEO? Really, Y/N? You stupid–It makes you sound as if you're completely relying on your friend knowing the CEO. Which is not entirely true. Still, you chose your words diplomatically and maybe this man could change his attitude since you're coming from – is it an inner circle? – or in the worst case, he's–
"I'm the CEO."
Of course he is. 
Fuck. 
Isn't he too young to be running this place? 
"Oh," you mutter, "Well, Hoseok mentioned you're looking for an assistant and–"
"And you think just because you know my friend you're suitable for this position?"
"No!" you exclaim, maybe too loudly which has you shut your mouth immediately as a frown makes it onto your face. 
Minus the fact he called Hoseok his friend, when he's your friend too, he sounds almost amused and definitely rude. 
"I had people graduating from Harvard coming in here before you."
Congratulations, you mentally snark.
What does he want you to say? 
I'm sorry I wasn't rich and smart enough to graduate from Harvard? 
"All I meant was that Hoseok mentioned you're looking for an assistant and that I should try it," 
You completely miss out the part where Hoseok was entirely confident he's going to give you the job. From the looks of it, he's far from it. 
"I may not have the greatest experience in this field, or I haven't had the luck to have an outstanding education record, but I'm hard-working and I learn fast."
"Hard-working and learning fast is not enough." he informs you.
"What else is there to do to be an assistant?" you ask, your mouth shutting up once again when you see the look he gives you. Wow, he has a very intense glare. "I mean–what does it require?"
"A lot of things. Executive assistant does not only perform administrative tasks, but there's a lot of research and tasks beside it. Not to mention I need someone I can rely on whenever."
"I'm a reliable person."
"Hoseok's word is not enough." he grits through his teeth.
You frown again, starting to get pissed off at his attitude. "I can prove it to you."
"Why should I give you a chance?"
"So I can prove it to you?" you deadpan, his glare dropping as he scoffs.
"You're awful at answering questions." he notes, mumbling under his breath almost as if it's not aimed for your ears.
But you hear him regardless, pressing your lips together as you straighten yourself. 
There's silence that follows. It lasts long, almost too long so you consider walking out of here. His phone vibrates as he reaches toward the device and sighs eventually. 
He puts his phone to his ear, answering with a dry Yes.
He listens for a moment. Frowning as he leans against his chair and looks at the ceiling.
"Yes, she's here."
Hoseok.
He's calling him. 
That has your attention as the young male whose name remains unknown for now glances back at you. With the same stoic expression, of course.
"Ho–"
He sighs, pinches his brow. He's listening, rolling his eyes here and there while you find it amusing. Though you don't dare to smile or even give him some sort of reaction that he might see.
"You owe me." he grits before ending the call. 
He tosses the phone back where it was, not looking pleased at all.
"I'm doing this because Hoseok is my friend."
You stare, ignoring the way your chest clenches with sadness for some reason. Or maybe it's a disappointment and embarrassment. 
"You have five working days to show me your potential. If you mess up, you're out of here."
While your not old self would tell him (very happily) fuck you, you know this is your chance to prove more things and not just to others, but to yourself as well. Even having this company's name in your CV is going to be a major help. 
"Thank you." you tell him instead, standing up as he snatches your documents off his desk and hands it to you.
You snatch it back, offering him a tight smile when he glares at the obvious attitude. 
"Here's the contract. Read it, do not sign it yet. Just an idea of what's awaiting for you." he explains, standing up. 
You feel like nothing can prepare you for what's awaiting for you. 
"I'll make sure you're not going to regret it. I mean it–I know I'm not the perfect candidate to work in your company, but I'll prove to you with my hard work that I could be. And not only because of Hoseok."
He stays silent, simply watching you. Not looking sold at all. 
But you nudge your ego away and accept the challenge this man might be. 
"Thank you again, Mr..."
His jaw clenches. 
"Jeon."
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The familiar beeping he has grown used to and is a part of his everyday life, rings around his silent office. It rips his attention off the papers in front of him. With a single click, he accepts the call from the front desk on this floor.
"Mr. Jeon, I'm sorry to disturb you but you've got a visitor." The feminine voice that is somehow a part of his everyday life as well resounds. 
Brows pinching together, he stares at the phone with a slightly irritated look. Everyone knows they should not disturb him when he's in the middle of reviewing potential deals. He likes to stay focused. And even Soyeon's automatic apology did nothing.
"I don't have any visits scheduled." he responds, unimpressed and indeed bothered by the interruption. 
The young woman that has been working for him almost since the very beginning keeps herself composed, not showing how intimidated she is by him. 
"I'm aware, sir. But he's saying he's your friend?"
"My friend?" he deadpans. 
There's only one person who could come unannounced, enough to disturb him from–
"Jung Hoseok?" she asks unsurely.
Of course it's Jung Hoseok. 
No one barely comes here for visits. Everyone – and by that he means everyone that knows him personally or professionally – knows he doesn't appreciate visits. Not before his lunch and not even after. He's here to work. 
A sigh makes it past his lips as he scratches his eyebrow. "Send him in."
Despite the lack of visits he barely gets – just because he doesn't want them – he still made sure people that know him are on the list. In case there is some kind of emergency and for some reason can't be contacted. You never know. He takes precautions. 
Jung Hoseok is one of those people on the list. 
But the difference is no one really abuses that kind of privilege that gets him through security. Basically gives him a free pass around the building. 
"I get it from here, sweetheart. Thank you. He's my friend." He hears from behind the door, a chuckle of disbelief makes it out of his lips before his office door is open.
His receptionist stutters over her words but before she can make a proper sentence, his not by much older friend closes the door with a thud. Arms outstretched and wide grin, he stares at him unimpressed. 
"Surprise!" Hoseok chimes, striding toward his desk as if he owns this place.
Even with his presence here, Hoseok doesn't come here often. In fact, he can't remember when was the last time his friend visited him here. But out of people coming here unannounced, Hoseok makes the most sense. 
It can be seen he's not here often, momentarily ripping his gaze off the frowning and intimidating CEO to admire the spacious office. 
"Indeed," he mutters.
"Oh, come on. At least look like you're happy to see me!"
"Why pretend?" he simply asks, the older pursing his lips as he rolls his eyes. "Is there a reason for your... surprising visit?"
"Of course there is," he confirms, slouching himself in one of the chairs. He sighs in content, a look of surprise at how comfortable that chair is. "Alright, I'm sorry for popping in just like that–but I was around and since you barely answer my calls–"
"I'm busy."
"I know you're, Mr. CEO."
He rolls his eyes at Hoseok.
"So I came to you."
"Why? We saw each other last week."
"I'm gonna ignore that comment," he remarks, causing the younger one to shrug. "Anyway. I thought this would be better to discuss in person."
He sighs, leaning against his chair. "Just spit it out. I'm really busy."
"Okay," he says, propping his ankle against his knee as he shakes his foot. A habit of his friend that he noticed a long time ago. "When we were hanging out, you mentioned something about being in need of an assistant."
"What? You wanna be my assistant?" he jokes, amused by the idea. 
Hoseok rolls his eyes and almost flips him off. But then he remembers his visit here has a purpose. He would rather not risk anything. 
"No, Jungkook. I do not want to be your assistant," he emphasizes, causing his lips to curl into an amused grin. "But I know someone that might wanna."
"Hoseok," Jungkook sighs, "I don't want any of your–whoever that might be–in my company."
"What does that mean?" he gasps.
"Your choice of friends or people you know are... questionable."
"Okay, that's actually very rude!" 
Jungkook shrugs. "It's true."
"How did you know I'm talking about my friend?"
"I didn't, I just called them that to keep it respectful."
"It's not one of my hook-ups!"
"Spit it out. I don't have time for this nonsense." Jungkook sighs, staring at the ceiling. Hoseok is really testing his patience. He's hungry and with a lot of work in front of him.
"My friend moved here recently and has been searching for a job. I thought you could give her a chance, I can totally vouch for her."
Jungkook blinks at the ceiling, staring down at his friend without having to move. "What this friend of yours accomplished?"
Hoseok's eyes widen and he almost stutters. "What do you–"
"Her skills? Education?"
Hoseok is the one who just blinks as Jungkook sits up straight with again, unimpressed look. "I'm not employing just anyone here, Hoseok. This is a successful company for a reason."
"Well–I don't know about any of that but I know she's hard-working and–"
"You don't know and you're here asking me to give her a job?"
"I'm asking you to give her a chance." Hoseok corrects.
"Hoseok, you're my friend–I...I don't hate you–" Hoseok glares at him. "But no."
"Jungkook!" he whines.
"I don't know this person and from the looks of it, you don't know either."
"Just because I don't know her entire resume doesn't mean she's a stranger. Just FYI–" He frowns, "But please. Just give her a chance. I need your help."
Jungkook lifts a brow. 
"You know I never ask you for anything."
That one's true. 
Whatever power Jungkook has in his young age – the age of twenty-eight – Hoseok has never asked him for anything. Let alone use him. He's the most valuable friend he has. Not that he would ever say it out loud. Not in usual situations anyway. Hoseok is aware of that.
"She's been trying to get a job ever since she came here. She lives in–"
"I don't care," he interrupts, scratching his forehead as he tries to soothe the wrinkles there that are caused by frowning. "She probably can't find a job because she's just not... good."
"That's not true," Hoseok quickly jumps to remark. "You know how hard it is to find a job nowadays."
It's silent for a few moments.
"Please."
"Don't." Jungkook stops him, closing his eyes.
"Just give her a chance."
He already curses himself mentally for this. Perhaps he feels a little embarrassed for Hoseok.
"Fine."
He cringes when he hears a loud squeal of excitement.
"Just one interview. That's all I can promise you." he informs him firmly.
"Thank you!" Hoseok sits up straight, his sneakers thumping against the floor. 
"Now go, I've got to work."
He doesn't argue, right on his feet as he can't stop grinning at the annoyed man. 
"Soyeon will give you further information." he mumbles under his breath.
"Great! Well, I would ask anyway."
Of course he would. 
"Don't forget to eat."
"Okay, get out now." Jungkook mumbles quickly, ignoring the teasing smirk from his friend as he strides out of his office confidently.
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Hoseok is at your place. If that can be called that.
You're only sure of that because one of the lights stopped working, the bulb burned out. Rather than having to deal with any additional expenses, because you're never too sure and it's better to be safe than sorry, you asked Hoseok if he could come today and change it.
Plus, you need someone to help you with the stress you know your job interview would bring you. And you were goddamn right.
However, that's not the only thing you're bringing with yourself.
Since you gave Hoseok the second card and code to your temporary home, you knew he would be there already. You told him to wait up for you, way before you had the opportunity to meet his friend.
That man can't be anyone's friend. You doubt it.
The moment you get your shoes off and meet Hoseok's sheepish grin, he has no time to react as you reach for one of the cushions and start hitting him repeatedly. He squeals as if his life depends on it, though no real damage is done as your frustration takes over.
"That. Was. Fucking. Awful!" You say with each hit, finally getting the cushion snatched from you as he tosses it back onto the couch behind you.
"What happened?"
Glaring at him, you see it in his eyes. The hidden glints of knowing, even the tiniest tint of apology. 
"Why didn't you tell me he's fucking arrogant and rude?"
His cheeks heaten up as he sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. "He can be rough around the edges, but he's not that bad."
"No!" you yell, "He's even worse!"
"Okay, let's sit down and talk." he tries, giggling nervously as he leads you to sit down.
You do, huffing out as you cross your arms over your chest. The feeling of embarrassment and close to humiliation keeps coming back every time you think about the entire moment you spent in that building. You've never felt more like shit before. He made you question your abilities and skills, judged you by your resume within seconds. He made you feel like you're nothing.
Not mentioning he's not interested in hiring you at all. He made sure to let you know that. 
"Y/N, come on..." Hoseok speaks after a moment, softly and sorry just as he looks.
"Why didn't you tell me? I came there and–" You don't bring yourself to say how hopeful you were when coming there, despite being nervous. "You promised me it's going to be okay." you add way quieter, embarrassed to admit it out loud. 
It sounds childish but Hoseok was the one who sparked hope and confidence in you. He assured you everything is going to work out. Of course you knew it couldn't be all true. There is always a space for failure or something not going according to plan, but this? This is your worst experience in months. Definitely takes the cake for the worst experience here in Seoul. 
"I'm sorry," You hear, his features softening as he squeezes your forearm. "I knew if i told you how he can be, you wouldn't go there. I didn't want you to miss this opportunity."
"What opportunity?" you scoff. 
While you realize he wanted to help, what's the purpose of it if his friend isn't exactly one that wants to help?
"He made me feel stupid."
"No," Hoseok argues, earning a glare from you. He wasn't even there! How can he argue about that? "He's just very selective with his staff."
"Oh, trust me, I figured. I mean, he wasn't exactly secretive about that."
Hoseok nervously laughs and rubs your arms. "But besides that, how did it go?"
"I–" you stop, thinking for a moment. "I don't know if it was me or you, but somehow I convinced him to let me prove myself."
"Y/N, that's amazing!" Hoseok yells excitedly, receiving a pointed look from you.
"I mean... it's worth a shot," you mutter, "But I feel like I'm gonna get fired before stepping in there."
"Listen to me," Hoseok says, scooting closer. Straightening himself, he makes sure you see his persistent features and the seriousness behind them. "You're gonna rock it there. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Jungkook can be difficult and I can't promise he's going to be all sweet, but if you'll do your job well then everything's gonna be fine. Trust yourself."
"Hobi, I trusted myself and coming back from there, I feel like utter shit."
"Come on now..."
"No, you didn't see how he looked at me. He told me people that graduated from Harvard come there looking for a job. Do you get it? Harvard. Or a fucking Yale!"
"Yeah..." he mumbles, "I told you he's successful. So is his company."
"No shit."
Hoseok chuckles, "That doesn't change the fact that you're good. You'll get better."
Nibbling on your bottom lip, you feel panic arising at the thought of going back there. You don't have a choice though. You can't live here for any longer and you need a job desperately. 
"You're the only one that thinks this. And sorry, but that's not enough."
What you mean is that it won't affect his friend's decision in any way. Hoseok is no help at the moment. He got you the job interview which of course has helped, and you will let him know that as soon as your panic fades away a bit. But from now on, it's just you. 
You'll need to prove yourself.
To wipe that arrogant look from Jeon's face.
You were up for a challenge, but this one seems to be the biggest yet. 
Hoseok laughs at your words, knowing very well what you mean. Trying to light up the mood, he pokes your side with his elbow. "I'll beat him up if he's gonna treat you wrong."
"Sorry but from the looks of it, it seems like you're the one who would get his ass beaten."
Snickering at Hoseok's loud gasp – the one you know its purpose is to lighten up the mood once again – you can admit that out loud. The arrogant prick has muscles on him. You could see it from behind that desk alone.
"I'm prepared to take the risks from you." he jokes, teasing you.
"Oh, shut up!"
He laughs loudly, the ringing sound causing your lips to twitch. All the amusement is gone as his face pops up in front of you again. So are you reminded of the negative experience you unfortunately went through not even an hour ago. 
"No offense to your friend, but he's a fucking asshole." you spit, not even thinking of how Hoseok can feel about you cursing at his supposedly friend. You should've been more considerate but rather than being met with offended Hoseok, you hear his laugh again.
"Well, sorry to say this but you need this asshole."
The worst part of it is that he's absolutely right.
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You made sure no disaster would happen from the beginning. Like for example, waking up late on your first day of work. Just to be safe, you set up around four alarms to make sure you won't be late.
Besides not eating anything from all the nerves, you've received an encouraging message from Hoseok who puts a lot of faith in you. At least someone does. You certainly stopped the moment you met Mr. Jeon.
Or Jungkook. Like Hoseok calls him.
It feels weird to put a proper name on him. First name, is what you mean. It's weird to even call him by it in your head. There's undeniable respect (or a fear) you have of him. Even by talking to him for a few minutes, it seems like he's going to pop up the moment you call him by his first name in your mind. 
With an empty stomach, minus the glass of water you gulped down before leaving, you get on your way to Jeon Investments Inc. The ride in a cab is full of anxiety and no matter how many times you try to steady your breathing, you feel like you're on the verge of a panic attack. Even the poor driver seems to be concerned as he asks you if you're okay. 
Turns out, after you read the contract once you found the courage, there might be a lot of things you're not prepared for. Minus all the professional terms and conditions you're supposed to comply with, you feel lost. Utterly lost. And fucked.
You've got many questions. Once you ask, you know you will come out as inexperienced and even dumb. Being an assistant is not just taking calls and dealing with emails. That much you understood after reading the ten pages of a very professionally and legally written contract. 
There is so much expected from you and being truthfully honest, you're not sure if you can make it. 
Curiosity got the best of you and after gulping down a whole glass of beer – let's ignore the fact you bought it to yourself even despite your financial state – you of course, googled your boss. Can you even call him that yet? Is he officially your boss? No contract has been signed. Mr. Jeon made sure of it. 
There are many articles about Jeon Jungkook. Most of it is just boring and professional stuff. It contains the same information – and there are not that many to begin with – but from the looks of it, it seems like Mr. Jeon is one lucky fucker. Has been born into a wealthy family and like in the famous books and movies, has inherited the family company. The man is practically swallowed in money.
He's successful. And well known amongst business people. Surely, he's no stranger in this particular circle of people.
But at least this is different from all the books and money. Because even though he's successful and has many official photos from different events, he's no celebrity. His life is purely private and no one digs in it. Which is probably for the best for him. This man is practically mysterious.
You're reminded by your conversation with Hoseok after you calmed down after your breakdown. 
"How did you even meet a guy like him?"
"Jungkook? Ah, I've known him since he was a kid. You could say we're a distant family."
"What?!" You screeched at the thought of it. And you have no idea why. 
How did you find out about it only now?
"Well, my great aunt actually married Jungkook's mom's cousin?" He questioned almost unsurely as he frowned in thought before he nodded. "Yeah. It's a little mixed up and we're not really blood related but yeah."
Thinking about it now, it makes sense. 
Where else would Hoseok meet someone like him? Without a doubt, he must've attended some private college and surely, all types of schools before that. God, he's definitely one of those people that were in a private daycare! You can only assume and you don't want to put any stereotypes on him, but based on what you know about him, he lives a different life than you and most people for sure. 
Who owns millions worth company at the age of––How old is he? 
That's something you forgot to ask Hoseok. 
The cab ride is awfully fast. Which you should be glad for. You're ten minutes earlier which is definitely better than being late. Plus, it will take you some time to get to the top floor. Especially if you'll have to go through the same process with security like before.
You do. 
The security makes you do the same routine like you had to go through when you first got here. It is their job and you fully understand that, though you're a little annoyed when they eye you as if you're carrying a gun underneath all your clothing. After all of that is done and you do have to inform your arrival at the front desk, you're finally allowed to go on the lift. 
You're not even sure if you work at the same floor where Mr. Jeon is, but guess you will find out. Despite your inner nerves and anxiety crawling up your throat, you try to appear confident as if you're not ten seconds from a mental breakdown. 
Your presence is luckily ignored, everyone seems to be on their way to work as most of them exchange greetings. Since you don't know anyone and you're not familiar with any of their faces, you remain silent unless you share eye contact with someone. You have no problem politely greeting anyone. It does put you a little at ease when most employees give you the tiniest tilt of a smile. 
The floor that you're slightly familiar with is less empty than you remember it to be, but there are still a few people walking down the halls. Getting to the front desk, you wait up there when you find it empty. Not trying to get nervous because of it, you keep looking around. You definitely look out of place. No doubt there. 
Someone gets out of the backroom and the female you're already familiar with, gets behind the desk. It doesn't take too long for her to notice you and when her eyes fall upon you, you make sure to greet her and explain why you are here. 
You're not sure if she's informed of your purpose here but she nods regardless.
"Mr. Jeon is not expected to arrive for the next hour. But that doesn't concern you, at least not now. First, we have to give you an attire."
Oh, that's right. 
Everyone has a certain dress code and since you haven't received any clothes, or instruction what to wear, you wore something work appropriate. Something similar you wore to the job interview.
"Come with me." she says with a little smile, motioning you to follow her as she leads you down the hall. 
She stops, pulling out a card from her pocket as she attaches it to the scanner. 
Opening one of the doors that is similar to the next dozen ones you've passed by, you walk inside. It's a small sized room, compared to the big halls and enormous office you were interviewed in. There's nothing special about it, though you wonder what this room is for. Besides a transparent circle shaped glass table and tall sized dressers, there's not much in here. 
Still, the room is designed well and goes with the rest of the company's aesthetic. In the corner you notice a small kitchen cabinet. There is a coffee machine and a table next to the cabinet with two stools. It seems like a breakroom but you're not sure. It seems... small compared to what this company is. 
The drawer being open is heard as the female that is yet to be introduced to you, asks your size. You answer her and watch in awe as she pulls out clothing. 
"Do you prefer pants or a skirt?"
A little taken aback, you look at her and notice her wearing a skirt. Well, you did shave your legs. "Skirt." you respond before thinking it through. 
"You can wear whatever is more comfortable to you. Mr. Jeon isn't too stern about women wearing skirts and it's completely up to us. Of course, you can change it whenever you want. You don't have to wear skirts all the time," she explains as she sets the pile of clothing that matches everyone's attire on the glass table. 
"You can wear your set of clothes too, they don't have to be company's. Some employees prefer wearing this since it saves money. But you're free to buy and wear your own clothes as long as it meets our dress code. Nothing too revealing and in the dark colors, so black or dark blue,"
You try to give attention to every word she says and you desperately let too much information sink in. Her mouth just won't stop.
"The heels you've on are fine. That isn't provided by the company, though we do have some emergency options in the dresser there," She points at one of the dressers. "You buy your own heels, that is something the company gives you money for every two months. It's added as an extra in your paycheck."
Luxury. 
"This room is not an official break room. That's somewhere else, I can take you there," She says when she glances at her watch. "This is mainly just an emergency room when you need to change clothes. It's almost like a storage room. But you can come here and make yourself coffee. I prefer to do that sometimes because it's close to my desk and it's less crowded. No one really comes in here. It's not used as much."
You nod as she glances around.
"The windows are tinted, so no one can see inside. So don't worry about the lack of curtains. You can change your clothes here, it's safe."
"Thank you."
"Very well then. I'll let you get changed. You can put your clothes back in that dresser in the corner and get them back when you clock off."
"Okay, thank you."
And with that, she spins on her heels and walks out of the room. She closes the door after her to give you some privacy. Not wasting any time, you quickly change your clothes and do everything based on what information she told you. The clothes fit and surprisingly, it's very comfortable as well. 
Your hands caress the material of your skirt and without doubt, it's clearly expensive.
Adjusting your hair, you walk out of the room to find her waiting for you. Once she sees you, she wastes zero time and starts leading you elsewhere. You have a lot to catch on.
She briefly starts pointing at the countless doors, explaining what's behind them. As much as you listen to her and try to remember everything she's saying, there's no way you will remember all of it by the time she's done. 
Passing through the glassed big room with a long table and dozens of chairs, she introduces it as one of the meeting rooms. 
"It's the most used one. Big meetings and contracts are signed there." 
There is also a big projector screen on one side of the wall with the greatest view of the city. 
She points to restrooms, not wasting time in going in there as she reminds you there's not much time. 
This girl is like a robot. She says everything fast and there's no hint of doubt or anything. You wonder how long it took her to learn everything. There really is no way someone is able to know all of this in a day. But rather than being met with any sign of empathy, she keeps showing you around and throwing new information on you from every side. 
"As you might have noticed, I work at the front desk on this floor. We will mainly work together, but your job as an assistant is closer to Mr. Jeon. Whatever you will have to deal with and prepare, I will inform you about. It's your job to make sure it runs smoothly."
She says as you follow behind her, trying to match her fast and long strides. 
Oh god, you can't do this. And you're not talking about walking fast in high heels. 
"Now this," she says, close to her desk and across from Mr. Jeon's office, before she opens the door. "is your office."
You both walk inside. Immediately met with the luxurious interior, you stare at the beige and goldish furniture that despite the color, it all seems minimalistic and clean. The entire room smells nice, and is definitely cleaner thoroughly. There's a white desk and behind it is the entire wall of long shelves with binders sorted most likely alphabetically. Even the shelves are backlit with LED lights. Since the entire building is covered in windows, there is an amazing view on your right side as you stand in front of the desk. 
"This will be your workplace. You will handle all calls, emails and everything of that sort here. Of course, you will be required to move around the building, so this place is mostly for you to handle the things where you need some peace and quiet."
"Wow," you manage to say. "This office is beautiful."
There are even nice plants in matching pots that make this place more alive.
"It sure is," she hums, "I don't think you will use it that much though."
You look at her a little confusingly. "Well, it's mainly for those calls and emails. You have tons of other work to do."
You don't get the courage to ask for more information. At least not now when you barely have enough time to blink.
"Follow me."
She leads you further down the hall, knowing every corner like the back of her hand as she greets passing by coworkers automatically. Some of them steal a curious look at you, but their prying eyes are long forgotten when your focus is elsewhere. 
"Saja," The woman calls out, stopping between the huge door frame. 
Across her shoulder, you notice a spacious room with multiple tables and stools around them. This has to be the break room she told you about before. The scent of morning coffee mixed with freshness hits your nose, the freshness that floats in the air through the entire building. 
One of the employees turns around, her gaze falling on her colleague shortly after as she excuses herself and walks up to the two of you. You notice she looks at you for a short period, mainly keeping her focus on the woman in front of you.
"Could you please show–I'm sorry, what was your name again?" she asks, glancing across her shoulder as her apologetic eyes fall down on you.
Ignoring the pinch of embarrassment, your name fills the short silence that is shared between the three of you. 
"You don't mind me calling you by your first name?" she assures.
"No, that's fine." you respond, hoping all of you can be at least friendly with each other. She did call the other woman by her first name. 
"Great," she takes a breath as she turns back facing – was it Saja? "I need you to explain to Y/N what's expected from her, especially today. I showed her around, so I hope–" She glances back at you, "You slightly know your way around."
Saja nods, clearly knowing this beforehand because her reaction is not full of surprise. In fact, there's zero surprise.
"She's your responsibility right now," She reminds her and even though Saja nods, you see her brows slightly raised in a mere annoyance. "Don't forget, Mr. Jeon expects everything to run smoothly."
"Of course." she says.
The woman that has shown you around turns to you, her lips close to a soft smile but her mind seems to be elsewhere. Clearly she's rushing to go back to work, at least you assume that is the reason for her abruptness. When she glances at her watch, it confirms your suspicion. 
"Well, good luck on your first day."
"Thanks–" You stop, giving her a questioning look when you realize you don't know her name. She hasn't introduced herself to you.
Whether the realization hits her at the lack of introduction on her side, she doesn't show it and offers you a simple answer.
"Soyeon."
"Thank you, Soyeon."
"Just listen to Saja here, she will explain the rest to you. And don't stress too much."
That's easier said than done. 
"Any advice?" you ask, chuckling nervously as she gives you a sympathetic look.
"Don't mess up."
Your mouth falling open and a total despair dominating your features, you watch Soyeon wave at you before she scurries away. You swear your heart just dropped and the stress of not being able to do this comes up to you in a bigger intensity. 
Though you seem panicked and not present, you do notice Saja's eyes scanning you from head to toe as she clears her throat. Looking at her, she motions you to join her in the room. Ignoring all eyes on you, you focus on her as she leads you toward the kitchen counter. 
"Mr. Jeon comes at half past eight every morning. Occasionally an hour earlier, so you should always be prepared for that just in case,"
What are you supposed to do? Spread a red carpet for him?
"By the time he comes here, he needs to have his schedule ready for him. You also do that a day prior, sending him his schedule electronically. But you still need to have everything ready the day he comes in, so this means all papers and other details that he needs to check over or have it prepared for him."
You nod along with her explanation as if you've done this before. 
"The assistant before you had that prepared for you, so you don't have to do it today. But it is expected of you to do that tomorrow and from now on,"
"Okay."
"Mr. Jeon doesn't like someone coming inside his office when he's not there. But as his assistant, he prefers all the documents to be on his desk, fully prepared and ready for him, when he gets there. That's where Soyeon comes, she's going to inform you Mr. Jeon entered his office and that's when you bring his morning coffee to him."
Is he a king or a boss?
Mr. Jeon seems like the biggest menace already. 
"Are you listening to me?" she frowns.
"I am, it's just too much information and I'm trying to process it."
You're not met with an ounce of empathy as she scowls at you as if you've done something wrong. That leaves you a little bitter but you don't let it show. You simply just stare at her, a knowing glint in your eyes when you're clearly not scared by her little attitude. What did she expect? Was she I Know It All when it was her first day?
This is insane. 
There's no way anyone that comes to work on their first day knows everything. Not to mention even if that person has experience in this field, every company is different. Every boss is different. Every boss requires something different.
"You better learn fast then. Mr. Jeon doesn't like slackers."
Frowning again, this time you can't fully hide it as you give her a look. Did she call you slacker just because you don't know everything? Which is absolutely fine because Hello, it's your first day here!
She glances at the wall to check the time on a big circled clock that is attached to the wall. Wow, even the clock looks fancy!
Oh shit, she's walking away. Quickly catching up to her, she starts showing you the coffee machine. Automatically, she prepares the cup and barely gives you any time to fully grasp what buttons she's pressing.
"Mr. Jeon should arrive any minute. Soyeon will let you know and you'll bring coffee to him. Along with the papers that are on your desk, I'll show you which ones."
"Won't the coffee turn cold?"
He's not here, he is supposed to arrive. You might not well Mr. Jeon well but he seems like the type to get annoyed when his coffee is cold. And judging by Saja's pause, he most likely is and your guess has been right. 
"If he comes later, you'll just make him another one." 
Mentally shaking your head at the ridiculously over some coffee, she motions for you to grab the cup as she ushers you out of the break room. You try not to spill it, matching her pace as she gets inside your now office in long strides as she opens the door fast and wide. You even passed Soyeon's reception desk but you were rushing to even notice her.
She tosses the stack of documents onto your paper. Ready to walk out, you stop her abruptly by quickly saying; "Thank you!"
She stops, barely giving you a glance across her shoulder as her light hair shines in the natural lightning. She styled it in a neat ponytail that makes her look super professional. 
And with that, she leaves with no words.
She lets the door open, not even closing it behind her as you stare at the door frame where she was standing just seconds ago. Blinking and swallowing down the irritation, you place the steaming hot coffee on your desk. Careful not to spill it over the documents. That would be truly a horror scenario. 
Sighing, you rub your forehead softly, trying not to rub off any make-up you put there. You tuck strands of hair behind your ears, cursing yourself for not putting it up. 
The beeping sound comes from the desk, causing you to jump in surprise as you look around. It's coming from an office phone and you quickly rush to it. You stare at the multiple buttons and touch screen. Logically, you pick up the actual phone and put it to your ear.
Before your mouth opens, Soyeon's voice already reaches your ears.
"Mr. Jeon just entered his office. You have his coffee ready?"
Glancing at the steaming hot coffee, you answer. "Yes."
"Perfect," she sighs, almost in relief. "Oh, not sure if Saja told you but there's an iPad in one of the drawers in your desk. We all have one. That's going to be your best friend from now on."
"Oh, okay, thank you."
In fact, Saja did not tell you about it.
You've got so many questions about the stupid iPad. What's it for? Why do you need to use it? But before you can actually ask anything, Soyeon tells you one last thing before ending the call.
"You better get him the coffee now. Mr. Jeon doesn't like waiting."
Mr. Jeon can go fuck himself. 
Still, you carefully grab the cup of coffee and the documents. Trying to balance it in both of your hands is no joke, but you somehow manage as you rush out of your office. Passing by Soyeon who's on the call, your eyes meet but there's no time for any sort of interaction besides that as you knock at Mr. Jeon's office door. 
"Just get in, he knows it's you." Soyeon whisper yells at you, a hand covering the phone's microphone.
Aren't you supposed to knock? Fuck, you're going to fuck this up so badly.
You can barely open the heavy door, but again, you surprise yourself by managing to do that without any damage done. Being back in this office brings memories but there's no time to dwell on it, not when you have a job to do. 
You see him.
The suit jacket being tossed over the couch that's pressed against the wall, right next to the massive windows. He stands tall, wearing a black button-up with slacks that match his suit jacket. You don't look too much, setting this down onto his desk just as he reaches it and sits behind it. 
When you look at him, you notice the look he gives you.
A look of disbelief that you're really here. He definitely thought you would give up.
But rather than give him that satisfaction – and the fact you need this job – you send him a smile. "Good morning."
You're pleased with yourself. Maybe you caught him off guard by having everything prepared for him. Well, they said he needs these two things from you today and you've managed to do it. That sounds like a success, right? 
"What is this?" he asks, ignoring your greeting like the arrogant prick he is.
He stares at the cup of coffee, annoyance overshadowing his entire features. And you thought he already looked annoyed.
"Your coffee?" you ask dumbly. 
Confused of why he's even asking, you notice his jaw clenching before he looks away to take a deep breath. Breath to regain patience. One he doesn't seem to have. 
"Is this a joke?"
Your eyes widen, a lump creating in your throat as you stare at his cold demeanor. "Pardon?"
"I don't drink macchiato."
How were you supposed to fucking know that? 
"I'm sorry–I didn't–"
You didn't make it. You didn't know.
But he's not interested in your apology. Nor witnessing you being a stuttering mess.
"Black. No sugar." Is all he says through clenched teeth.
Is this a fucking coffee shop?
His eyes are on your hands as you carefully grab the failed coffee. You have a feeling as if he's going to attack you any second and even such a detail like him glaring at your hands seems intimidating.
Sighing, he ignores your presence as he pulls the documents you brought him closer, opening one of them.
With a clenched jaw, you walk out of his office in complete embarrassment and anger. It feels like you're going to cry and you surprise yourself that you already feel this way. This day could not be worse. 
You've managed to already fail and fuck it up, right in front of Mr. Jeon. 
Luckily, Soyeon is not at her desk when you pass by. Finding the right way to a break room, there are less people there than before. Everyone has gone to work.
"What are you doing?" Soyeon suddenly walks in, an iPad in her hands. "Please don't tell me you haven't brought Mr. Jeon his coffee. I saw you walking in there."
Biting the inside of your cheek, you mutter through clenched teeth. "Wasn't the coffee he wanted."
"You got his coffee wrong?" she shrieks as if it's the end of the world.
Preventing yourself from rolling your eyes at the dramatics, you rather explain it. "I wasn't the one who made it. Saja did without telling me what coffee he drinks."
Soyeon stares and you don't know what to think of her look. Does she think you're accusing her that this is her fault? Well, it sort of is but they're colleagues. You don't want to make enemies here. So you nervously chuckle and quickly add;
"She probably got it mixed up."
Soyeon walks closer, helping you to navigate your way with the machine as you silently thank her. 
"She knows Mr. Jeon's coffee preference." Is all she says before she gives you a knowing look, walking away with a sympathetic scrunch of her brows. 
As the coffee pours and the sound of it fills the silence, you stare at the city view. 
She purposely gave you the wrong coffee.
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Soyeon never specifically said Saja has set you up. She didn't directly hint at it and perhaps it's just been your rash judgment. Reminded again that this is only your first day here and you don't know anything or anyone, perhaps she made a mistake. That could be the case too. Though you feel bad for thinking the worst, which stems from the fact people are assholes, you focus on doing a good job from now on.
Not that the previous mistake was really your fault. 
You're that kind of person who tries to set the record straight no matter what. So this bothers you even now, but Mr. Jeon definitely doesn't care about any of your explanations. The warning look he gives you when you bring him the right coffee shuts you up immediately. 
Plus, it could all be just a mistake and you wouldn't want to make any accusations over a stupid coffee choice. You haven't graduated from Harvard as Mr. Jeon was so kind to remind you, but you're not dumb. You're not going to make enemies – nor you ever want to. But dealing with not so important things on your first day is not it. Even if your ego and tendency for justice is highly bruised. 
When you're back in your office, you try to make sense of all the papers and documents. There's no one exactly guiding you for it. Turns out the iPad that has been given you shows you Mr. Jeon's schedule. It must've been done by the previous assistant. Everything is neat and in order. You can do that.
You're in the middle of reviewing the device, trying to see how things were previously done so you could do your best, when your phone rings again. You click on the touch screen, staring wide-eyed when it comes to life and Soyeon's voice fills the silence.
"Hey, Mr. Jeon has a meeting at ten. Your presence there is needed."
It's almost embarrassing how your stomach churns at that information – and especially at the thought of it. Being in a meeting full of wealthy men? What are you supposed to do there?
"May I ask why?" you ask – nervously – because you're not sure what you're supposed to do there. 
You've read the contract. First of all, there is too much information for you to remember all of it. Accompanying Mr. Jeon to meetings among other things is one of them, that much you remember. 
"You won't accompany him to all his meetings. This one's big, so you're mostly there to take additional notes and whatever Mr. Jeon tells you."
Is he going to tell you? Because it seems like he expects you to know everything right off the bat. Though you keep that snarky remark to yourself. 
"You just need to be present and actually listen."
A few minutes later, after being navigated by Soyeon to the big meeting room she had shown you earlier, it turns out you were actually right. The room is filled with men wearing suits that scream rich and regardless of their clothing, you can tell they're important. Their age differs, it's a good mixture of young and elders. You do find some comfort when there are two other women there as well. Though, you have no idea what's their purpose or if they're one of the investors, the meeting happens after the official greeting.
They take turns. Setting up their presentations as they continue to speak about either theirs or someone else's business. You're not sure what you're supposed to take notes of. In fact, Mr. Jeon hasn't spoken to you since he successfully ignored your presence here.
He sits at the head of the long table, dark eyes settled on whoever is presenting, listening to them carefully. He has documents settled in front of him, which you soon figure out are the other investors' plans. Whatever they're presenting to him, he has in front of him on paper. You quickly note the nervousness that some men, older than Mr. Jeon for sure, show and truthfully, you don't blame them.
It feels weird to be seated behind the same table as them. You sit on the right side of Mr. Jeon. After a while, he leans back and makes himself more comfortable. Your attention is put on him, noticing he's been playing with a pen, twirling it between his long fingers. Are those rings? You quickly look away, cursing at yourself over and over again. 
Well, it's no secret this arrogant fucker is hot. You haven't had the chance to properly... look at him. The dominance oozes out of him which makes him slightly intimidating. Or maybe it's a mixture of his stern and cold exterior.
You're not a fan of him. That much is clear but none of that is important. You don't need to be one. You just need this job and stupidly said, the money that comes with it. If having to put up with someone full of himself like Mr. Jeon, you will have to endure it. At least until you'll be able to find another job. Having an experience in this company would open many doors for you for sure.
Look at you. 
Here you are thinking of this when no contract has been signed yet. 
A notification pops on your iPad and you stare for a moment before looking around. Are you allowed to look? It's not your personal iPad, it's not like whatever there is is your personal stuff, it must be work related. Before the screen can darken again, you check it. It's a file you open, trying to look as discrete as you can. Everyone's listening to Mr. Choi (if you remember the name in his presentation well), so you quickly take a peek. 
It's a file with everyone's name and the name of their business and presentation. Some of them are marked with a cross and others with a questioning mark. Frowning a little in confusion, you look around. Your breath hitches as soon as you find Mr. Jeon staring at you from your side. 
His stare is cold as ever, his eyes not faltering as you realize. He's the one who has sent you this. You're not sure why you send him a soft nod, silently telling him that you understood.
No reaction comes from him and his attention is directed back to the presenting man.
It continues like this. As the man comes and goes to switch places at the presenting spot and in front of a huge screen, Mr. Jeon slowly sends you his decisions. It's the only communication between you. 
As the meeting continues, you mostly take the notes for yourself as you separate the projects based on Mr. Jeon's previous marks. It's mostly to keep it more neat for you. You're not sure what you're supposed to do with it, but you'll find out from either Soyeon or Mr. Jeon himself. If not, you're just going to have to ask. You're not a fucking mind reader.
All presentations roughly take two hours, you swear your butt has no feeling from all the sitting. Your stomach is empty and it feels like you've lost your butt, it intensifies when you stand up. Mr. Jeon shakes his hand with the others, giving them one last greeting before he walks out of the room. You rush to catch up to him.
Your heels clink beside him as he's aware of your presence. He has to be. Yet he doesn't even spare you a glance as he stops at the elevator and clicks on the button. The elevator door opens immediately, a little surprised how hectic and fast everything seems, you take your place a little behind him.
"I want their presentations sorted out."
Oh my god.
Maybe this day is not going to be so bad after all. 
With a little smugness spreading in your chest, you confidently state; "I've already done that. I'll send it to you."
And then he glances behind him, right back at you as he makes sure you see the lift on his brow. Does he not believe you? Is he impressed? It's so hard to make out what he's thinking. He's definitely a very hard person to be around with. Hoseok deserves a golden medal for putting up with him. 
Irritated by his reaction, with swift taps to your screen, a sound of email being sent fills the elevator.  
You plaster a fake smile at him, making sure he sees it as you softly say. "Already done."
His features harden as he turns around. "I'm staying in for lunch today."
"Okay?" you ask unsurely.
You hear him taking a breath, but you can't see his face since he's not facing you. But he's undoubtedly irritated by your unprofessional response or at all, by your presence. 
"Have you not done any research?" he snarks.
Taken back for a second, you quickly shake yourself out of it. "I have not been informed about your lunch, no."
"Careful, Miss Y/L/N. You're already off to a bad start."
Before you can open your mouth and inform him that the bad start wasn't your fault at all, he doesn't seem to care as he stops you with his palm lifted in the air. His fingers slightly curled as his rings shine.
"This time make sure the coffee is black, or you'll be out of here faster than you can spell coffee."
Opening your mouth at the audacity, luckily for you he turns around right after as the elevator dings and informs you of the floor. He walks out and leaves, leaving you there with an open mouth and anger rising. Before the elevator door can close again, you quickly make it out of there and walk toward your office, hoping your walk doesn't come as aggressive as you feel.
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Turns out Mr. Jeon also sends his preference for lunch and it's one of your duties to get it for him. Among all the information Soyeon has been able to give you, one of them is that you either have to get it ordered or get it personally. She explained it when you were on your way to get his freaking black coffee. It's dark just like his personality is.
You might not be an assistant before – you knew getting him things like this would be your responsibility and well, job as well. Mr. Jeon wants this and that. Mr. Jeon prefers it like this. Mr. Jeon doesn't like that.
It hasn't been even a full day of you working, yet you feel like you want to strangle that man. He has power, everything around you, in here, is his. He can afford getting this kind of service and you're paid for it.
Perhaps it's your own irritation that is simply caused by the mentioned man, but you feel more like his slave than an assistant. 
Luckily, he chose Italian for his lunch today and Soyeon helped you in showing his favorite restaurant. How she knows all of that about him is beyond you. Anyway, they could get it delivered just in time, so it's kind of your lucky day. All you have to do is to get downstairs and out of the building to take it. Plus bring it straight to his office, of course. 
"There are a few restaurants that take time to get it delivered, or sometimes they are so busy that they can't get it delivered in Mr. Jeon's scheduled lunch time. That's when you have to get it for him instead."
It's what she told you when she was clicking Mr. Jeon's order.
"There is also a car in the garage that's for this purpose. When you need to run some errands to be exact." 
That freaked you out. 
You're new. Not just here but in this city. You don't know its streets and even though you don't doubt the car has navigation, you're a little stressed about that. But can you show it? No. You don't need anyone doubting you.
Nerves are calmed down when you get your boss his lunch and everything runs smoothly. He gets his pasta and even though he barely acknowledges you, it's a success. 
One of the things you always worried about when coming to a new job is being left out. Being in a new collective is never easy and it can be nerve wrecking for obvious reasons. So when Soyeon suggests you join her for lunch, you relax and happily agree. 
It becomes your chance to meet – as you could say – your colleagues. They're welcoming and curious, asking you how you ended up in the city. For a moment it seems like you're a new attraction and despite all the attention on you, you prefer they engage you in their conversation. Even though you're the main topic of it. 
Saja is there as well. You still don't know what to think of the whole coffee situation, but she seems at ease and not looking as if she was aware of her mistake. 
"So, how do you like it here, newbie?" Max, the tallish dark haired guy with sharp eyes and prominent features asks.
"It's her first day." One of the women whose name you can't remember points out.
Max gives her a look, "So? She already feels about it somehow, right?"
He looks at you, and so do the rest of them as you're just trying to enjoy your beef broth. "It's been slightly stressful, but it's my first day. So I'm just trying to remember everything."
"Honestly, we all have been through that. First days are never easy." The woman speaks again as Soyeon shrugs while Saja reapplies her lip tint.
"Ah, the pressure to not fuck up is tough, right?" Max complains as if he's the one that's been through the most stressful day. Well, he might have. You never know.
"Max." Soyeon warns him.
"What? We're not in the company." He rolls his eyes which amuses you as Soyeon glares at his audacity to roll his eyes at her. 
"I can't imagine being Mr. Jeon's assistant. The pressure must be a lot." The woman says again, her short hair barely reaching the top of her shoulders as she pouts slightly. 
"What are you talking about? Mr. Jeon is a great boss." Saja says, twisting the lip tint close as she puts it into her purse.
"I never said he's not great," But you can. While she remarks at Saja to correct her, she simply shrugs. "I just mean the pressure is even bigger considering his assistant works with him the most."
"I could do it any day." Saja says confidently.
Your and Max's eyes meet for a brief moment, his lips twitch slightly but he seems to not react much. You're slightly curious about his reaction, though you act like you haven't seen it as you continue enjoying your soup. 
"Good luck to you, really," The woman says, "Have you managed to mess something up?"
You swallow down the broth, straightening yourself as you clear your throat. They all stare at you expectedly, the table quieting down. Oh god. "I, ah, I mean is nothing big, at least I think."
They stare even more and you mentally roll your eyes before muttering under his breath.
"I got him the wrong coffee." 
Soyeon turns her head at you, staring and for a moment you think she's silently scolding you. Not that you care, they can all fuck off. You've had a rough day and it hasn't even ended. While the woman stares at you in empathy, Max goes back to eating. 
"I mean it's not that bad." she adds, voicing her empathy. 
"Was he mad?" Max asks. 
"Well," you hesitate, cocking your head to the side. "He wasn't happy for sure."
"Oh poor you." The woman whines as if you're destined for death.
And that's when you glance at Saja. She stares and that's when you know she realizes. You're silent, not really sure if you want to throw her under the bus. It's also a great opportunity to see how she's going to react. She clearly saw your look. It's a silent communication between you.
She clears her throat, "Oh? Was that the wrong one?" 
"Yeah." you deadpan.
"Sorry about that." Is all she says as the conversation drifts to a different topic. You enjoy your meal, finally getting some food into your empty stomach. 
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After you're back from lunch break, you get back into sinking as much information as you can on your own. Which means – exploring the new device that has been given to you, along with basic information about Mr. Jeon's meetings, schedule and even the emails he has sent. For a certain time being, you feel utterly lost. Not that's not any news.
You try to not let yourself lose in the craziness and hecticness this company seems to be holding. Everyone seems to work automatically, not mentioning they're synchronized like the greatest machine there could exist. Except, they're all human and perhaps they forget you're one too. Or maybe they just expect you to know everything and jump into this work. Is it possible?
Between the chunks of time you seem to have, you doubt yourself and your abilities. It's not the actual work you doubt. It's the fact that everyone and everything seems to run smoothly and fast, while you're left in your own chaos in the tallest and biggest building on this street. 
Though, you're not as useless as your doubts and anxiety might've made you feel. You get a hang of Mr. Jeon's schedule and work plan. At least most of it. 
This man is busy. Not the usual busy. 
He has meetings every day. It doesn't matter whether they're long or short, it takes most of his time. There is a bunch of material and stuff that needs to be prepared for him – every day – and he has to get through it all. 
No wonder the man is so bitter.
With so much work on his shoulders, you would fuck the money and end this business.
Perhaps, that's why you're not the millionaire here. 
Chuckling at your ridiculous thoughts, you're in the middle of checking the mailbox when the phone rings. Recognizing the four code number, you realize it's Soyeon and you already brace yourself for whatever dumb requests might Mr. Jeon has this time. 
"There is Mr. Kang on the line, he wants to schedule a meeting." 
"Okay–" 
Before you can ask her anything quickly, there's a beep sound before a male's voice resounds in the speaker. Greeting him politely, the call runs smoothly as Mr. Kang seems to be very easy going and helps you navigate yourself even without him knowing. 
You check Mr. Jeon's schedule, noticing Mr. Kang is already one of his partners and it turns out, Mr. Jeon has invested a lot of money into his entertainment business. As he tells you and requests, your boss' presence is needed and it's not a meeting that could be done directly in the company. That's why you choose the day where his schedule is not as crazy. 
You're not sure if you've scheduled it right but Mr. Kang seems to be pleased either way. The call ends shortly after and you're left in silence. Leaning back in your chair, you sigh in relief.
That wasn't so bad. 
With upcoming calls, there are numbers straight up calling you but thanks to the call with Mr. Kang, you already know what to expect. You schedule a few meetings here and there, making sure you make reminders for Mr. Jeon. Some of them had to be added or pushed forward. You're not sure if you're doing well, but you're going with your intention. You'll soon find out anyway. 
Surprisingly, the rest of the days goes like this and your brain is focused on doing the job, rather than stressing over everything. It keeps you pleasantly busy, or perhaps it's because there's no one that brags in here and pours hundreds of new information on you. 
You barely see your boss. He's mostly locked in his office, preferably not wanting to be disturbed – something you quickly pick on. Or maybe it's your assumption because how else would you know? You've been locked in your office (not literally) and doing (hopefully) your job. 
Though, he asks you to bring him one of the old contracts between one of his partners. You search for it, but luckily the previous assistant kept things neat. Therefore, you haven't spent too long searching for it and probably testing Mr. Jeon's patience. 
When you come into his office, after announcing yourself of course with a gentle knock, he taps into his laptop barely giving you any sort of gaze. You're used to it by now. Even though he seems to be busy, you still mentally roll your eyes at the lack of... respect? Acknowledgement? He surely could be more kind if he wanted to.
As you place the contract onto his desk, informing him of it even though he knows, you spin on your heels to get back to the safety and comfort of your office.
"Wait," he says as if it physically pains him to even talk to you. Or maybe it's just the gruff of his voice and the depth in it. You're surely assuming a lot of things. 
Turning around and trying to keep your facial expression polite, you give him a questioning look. One he finally sees when he finally decides to spare you a glance. 
"I need you to reschedule the meeting with Mr. Kang. I already have something planned there."
Frowning in confusion, you try to think back of his schedule you've seen dozens of times by now. Have you made a mistake? You're sure his day was mostly free, in terms of nothing big scheduled and planned.
Or there's a chance he made a mistake? You did send him his schedule though. He must've approved when he had no objections. Until now. 
"Your schedule was free on that day, sir." you inform him, the tone hesitant as if you already suspect he has made a mistake. You're still wary about it though.
He stops typing, his eyes flickering back to your figure for a split second that has your stomach clenched in discomfort. This is it. You're either getting scolded or fired. The first option seems more pleasant. 
"I've got a private schedule." he remarks with the same stoic expression you've seen a handful of times. Does this man have any emotions? Because you're seriously doubting it. 
Oh well. You couldn't have known he has a private schedule. Shouldn't you know about these kinds of things? 
"Oh, sorry. I will reschedule the meeting right away." you say, swallowing down your pride and the need to voice your thoughts. 
Of course, you know you can't speak freely because this is your freaking boss. He's cold and demands professionalism. It wouldn't be right of you to tell him that you didn't in fact know about his private schedule. Because there is no way you would know. 
And perhaps there might be a little luck in all of this. Maybe he clearly sees the distress on your face as he rolls his shoulders before opening his mouth.
"I wanted to add it and send it to you after reviewing my schedule." he informs.
You both stare at each other for a moment, while you're processing the fact he just indirectly told you it's not your fault. He knows you wouldn't know.
"Just make sure the meeting is rescheduled," he mutters, eyes focused on the screen of his laptop again. "You may leave."
Thank you, your Highness.
You leave for real this time. With a tiny feeling of accomplishment in your heart.
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Mr. Kang – or what you assume his assistant to be exact – has shown no problem in rescheduling the meeting. You were slightly worried he wouldn't be pleased but after his assistant checked with him, he didn't seem to mind at all.
The sun is setting down and the view from your office is worth every second. You even steal a quick photo of it before you return back to work. 
This room is quite isolated but even the little sounds you could've heard throughout the day, just the ones that let you know this place is active and busy, have subtly faded away. The company is less hectic and everyone's probably on their way home. You won't lie, you've checked time and according to a contract that was given to you, you should've clocked off already.
But – you had a few emails to sort out along with your own personal research of Mr. Jeon's working ethic and schedule. You understand things more now, you studying and trying to get a hang of it certainly helped. 
You're not a coffee drinker but you've made yourself one after stealing five minutes, to get yourself one in the break room. The cup is now empty, sitting on your desk as you've left the door ajar. You have one more email to read before you pack it up. Even Soyeon is not at her desk and you assume she already left home. 
You're in the middle of staring into the screen, your eyes slightly aching as your door is suddenly pushed open. The sound is loud enough to catch your attention, even if it wasn't for your peripheral vision. 
You stare wide-eyed at Mr. Jeon, glancing around as if he's checking to see the room intact. Once he finds nothing suspicious or worth his attention, his gaze falls down on you. 
"What are you doing here?"
Somehow that question is invading, yet it's simple and said with a cold tone.
Opening your mouth, you try to find the right words as he glances at the surely expensive watch hugging his wrist. Not mentioning it all matches with his dark suit. 
"You were supposed to leave an hour ago."
"I wasn't sure–"
"You didn't read the contract?" he cuts you off, frowning. "It clearly states how long your usual working days are."
In fact, you read it. Along with the information that there is something called a basic shift and additional schedule. It consists of special events, occasions when you're needed outside of the company and your usual working time. So far, nobody has really talked about it yet and it's something you need to know about more.
"I wasn't sure–" you continue, louder or at least loud enough to catch his attention and let him know he interrupted you. The way his face twists into irritation is not something you should play with. 
But His Highness is probably not aware that interrupting is considered as impolite.
"--I could leave just like that since it's my first day. Actually, I was planning to finish an email before leaving."
"You're better here when you're well rested each day. I don't need an employee who works overtime because they can't finish their work on time."
The jab is there, loud and clear, one you should've been prepared for. Of course he's going to give you an attitude about this. 
"Didn't Miss Kim tell you when you're supposed to finish?"
You have no idea who Miss Kim is, it's either Saja or Soyeon. But one thing you know, none of them let you know nothing. 
"In fact, no she didn't." you inform him with a pointed look, watching him narrow his eyes at you. 
Whatever he's thinking, he keeps it to himself. "Pack your things and leave."
He goes to turn around and leave, your panic getting the best of you as you quickly jump to your feet. "And come back tomorrow?"
His steps halt to a complete stop as he glances across his shoulder.
"You said you would give me a chance."
"And I'm keeping my word, Miss Y/L/N."
Pressing your lips together, your fingers leaning against your desk as you try to prevent them from shaking. 
"I want all the documents on my desk before eight tomorrow. And don't mess up my coffee."
And he's out of the room, leaving you with your mouth open and eyes widened. You slowly blink, realizing hitting you slowly and surely as your lips stretch into a wide smile.
You're expected here tomorrow. He didn't fire you. 
Yet.
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Your legs and walk flow in a confidence you were definitely lacking the day before. Even though this job seems like something where you don't know what to expect every day, you're more content with yourself by your yesterday's performance rather than disappointed and upset about it. 
Though, there is still a slight fear of what's awaiting for you creeping around the corner. But you don't let it ruin your morning. Now when the sun starts to peek in, the morning's fresh air naturally lifts your mood.
Maybe it's not just the fear that could potentially make you anxious. You also have a huge respect for this job. Not only because you need it, but you also want to do your best. While you truly admit you wouldn't be able to work there without Hoseok's help, you'll try to prove you deserve to have a place there.
Mr. Jeon would never even let you enter the building if Hoseok wouldn't persuade him to give you a chance. Figuratively speaking. Mr. Jeon isn't probably the person that deals with employing people from the start. They have to go through different check-ups and rounds until they get a chance to see the boss himself. His word is final though. You don't doubt he's included in all those decisions, but you can't imagine him dealing with every single interested party when it comes to new job positions. 
You truly appreciate Hoseok's help. But you can't help but feel slightly embarrassed that he had to put effort in persuading his friend. You still have Mr. Jeon's face right in front of you. That one look that reminds you why you're there in the first place. 
Your ego has to go. At least you have to push it to a certain level, so you won't get too discouraged. Again, you need this job and the money it offers. This is the only reason why you're walking inside the building, blending in with people you would never truly blend in. At least you don't believe that. 
You're wearing the clothes Soyeon gave you. It's safe to say it's one of the reasons why you look like you're one of them. Well, you are for now. You can only hope you will when you hopefully sign the contract. 
A card is given you at the reception, the kind woman informing you of its use as you simply just have to scan for entry. Not literally. It's just to log in your information to the database of when you're arriving and leaving. Everyone has one.
Glad for this new information, you scan the card in a nearby scanner before waiting for the elevator. You put it into the small and very inconspicuous pocket in your skirt. One thing you've got to say about the attire, is that it makes you confident. You already feel successful while wearing it, which is ridiculous and definitely sounds like it, but it feels like an honor to represent this company. Even on your way here, you noticed a few interested gazes aimed at you.
The material feels expensive, almost forbidden to wear in fear you would stain it somehow. Coming inside here again, you're a newbie regardless of how you feel outside of this tall and massive building. 
As you come up to your floor, greeting who you could call some of your colleagues (despite there's no way you'll get familiar with all of them) Soyeon is not present at her front desk but you're guessing she must be somewhere around. Who you do find and spot coming out one of the rooms is Max. You halt a little, surprised by his sudden presence as he seems equally perplexed to see you. But the look is quickly wiped away as he shoots you a wide and friendly smile. 
"Y/N, so you didn't give up." He tries to joke, clearly hinting at the fact that yes, you're still here. Even though you're not sure why he would think you wouldn't. God knows what they think of you or what information they have about you.
Unless Mr. Jeon is keen to gossip and open with his employees, there shouldn't be too much stuff that could reach their ears. 
"No, not yet." You settle on a faint grin, keeping the joke afloat.
"I do like you, so I really hope you stick around."
"Oh, was that a compliment?" you laugh. He definitely knows how to make someone nervous.
He opens his mouth, a grin still attached to his lips but before he could make you even more assured than he already is (which is a total sarcasm on your part), someone comes out of the break room, interrupting the moment.
"Are you done flirting, Maximilian?" Saja, wearing the same attire as you, hair in a perfect sleek low bun, doesn't bother to show a hint of smile. "Our policy says there are no workplace relationships allowed." She reminds him, almost annoyingly which leaves you totally dumbfounded. 
Glancing at Max, he seems just as dumbfounded because first of all, where's the flirting? Sure, Max is a little on the flirty side but you assume that's a part of his personality. Who knows, but still, such a bold assumption is not exactly appropriate. 
But Max doesn't falter, he doesn't look embarrassed but the way he looks to his side where Saja's standing, he looks her up and down, almost in a bitter way. 
"Is there a reason why you interrupted our flirting?" he asks instead, causing you to almost choke on your spit as you clear your throat and fail to hide the awkwardness you're currently and undoubtedly feeling. 
She chuckles, not buying his attitude. "I need her to show her stuff. So please, take it somewhere else and preferably to someone else. But make sure Mr. Jeon doesn't know about it."
"You and your threats."
"The company's policy. Not threats." She corrects.
Are you interrupting something?
Max turns to you, rolling his eyes. "You know, friendliness is not against our policy."
"Explain it to Mr. Jeon, once he's the one who catches you."
"Catches doing exactly what? Talking to my new colleague? Please." 
You purse your lips, shifting weight on your feet. This is really awkward.
"Max," she says his name, laughing almost bitterly as she shakes his head as if to call out his bullshit. He doesn't move though, lifting his brow. "I'm just informing you."
"I don't need you informing me. I'm very much familiar with our policy. Now, Y/N, it was lovely talking to you and I do hope we will talk in the future, preferably not getting caught by someone." he teases, grinning at you as your cheeks heathen up as you send him an unsure grin. 
You murmur something in return, not even sure what comes out of your mouth as he shoots you one last smile before walking away. Saja stands there, raising her brow at you almost as if it's your turn to get scolded. 
"I wasn't lying. Mr. Jeon does not allow any relationships. I'm sure it's in your contract."
The one that isn't signed yet though. You keep that to yourself. 
First of all, you didn't even think about Max that way. Not unless she made it seem as if it's something bigger than it really was. Not aware of her true intentions, you don't even try thinking of it because it's pointless. 
"Is there a reason why?" you ask instead, her brows shooting up in a silent surprise at your question instead.
"I'm pretty sure it's because it could potentially ruin the progress of working. Just measure to avoid any misunderstandings and problems. Most companies do that. At least the ones I worked at did."
"Max seems like a friendly person. I don't think he was flirting."
A little annoyed as she seems to look, perhaps it's the still ongoing topic that annoys her, she stays silent for a moment. You don't give her the time to respond though. 
"It was nothing but a friendly conversation. Nothing to suspect or worry about."
The look on her face is worth your slightly passive-aggressive reaction as a grin threatens to make it to your lips. "Well, I advise you that."
"Thank you, I will take it to heart." you promise her, almost cackling when her expression drops and it turns more serious.
"Let's go to the office. I need to explain a few things before Mr. Jeon arrives." she grits through her teeth.
Despite the not so friendly exchange, a smile remains on your face as you slowly follow her to your office with slightly more confident steps.
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During the ten minutes that are spent in the pleasant interior of your office, you deduce Saja is more informative and helpful than she was yesterday. Regardless of how quickly words spill out of her mouth to the point you think you might get a whiplash (again), you're trying to sink every information she has for you. She even made a few notes, point by point, that consists of basic information you'll need. 
You appreciate the work she put into that, or that she took the time to write all of that, regardless of its length. With that being said and sent to your mail, she leaves you to do your job since the time is ticking and Mr. Jeon will be here any minute. 
As explained and not forgotten, you make sure the cup in your hold and its content is the right one. Despite your boss' words of how he wants his employees well rested (though you're not sure if that's possible due to the amount of stress and work), you have barely slept well. Though, you hope the make-up you're wearing hides that tiny secret well. 
You don't dare to judge. Everyone here seems to be working well, perhaps they don't experience as much stress like you do – obviously. 
Coming inside his office after announcing yourself of course, you're not shocked at the lack of eye-contact and attention as you settle the cup down.
"I hope it's the right one." he says, something in his tone that you can't quite point out. Did he just make a joke? As many things here and in life generally, you don't dare to say and be sure. You don't know him and his personality is something you're still trying to figure out.
It's that moment and a few seconds of lingering silence that eventually causes him to pry his dark brown eyes off the laptop's screen, setting those distant and dark orbs on you. It's the clear quirk of his brow that brings you back into reality.
"Of course it is." It's funny how quickly you say it, with urgency as if you didn't get it wrong only yesterday. To your defense, it wasn't exactly your fault. Actually, it wasn't your fault at all. Saja made it and you just brought it to him. 
It still bothers you that you're the one who messed up in his eyes. Or in anyone's for that matter. He watches you for a second, enough to make you nervous while you're inches from his desk and well, him. He does radiate dominance and coldness. It doesn't make sense that Hoseok is friends with him. He's a complete opposite.
As much as you're curious about the man in front of you, you prefer not to ask your friend too much about him and his life. One, it shouldn't interest you enough to want to know it. Second, Hoseok is a very good friend with him and not only that, they're some distant family. While Hoseok is your friend and the closest person you have in the country, he's not your best friend that could potentially spill you anything. 
In other words, it wouldn't be exactly wise to try and pry. After all, your curiosity should go aside because this is your job. You shouldn't play with fire or dig into this and him. You won't risk that. 
"I had your documents and papers prepared before you came in,"
Stupid. You inform him of something he clearly saw when he came in here. 
"I hope everything's right."
"You hope?" he questions his brow in the same position that has been questioning you. 
He leans back against his chair, elbow resting on the arm handle as he brushes his fingers over his chest. He doesn't pry his eyes off you.
"You really want this job, right?"
You open your mouth and give him a look, once you can't even define yourself but obviously almost spills out of it. He notices it, he surely does because the little twitch the corner of his mouth makes is enough proof of it.
"I want to do my job right, sir. I'm still new and I'm learning." you answer him, diplomatically with a hint of honesty and roughness that definitely doesn't go unnoticed by him. 
Whatever argument he would have prepared, he decides to keep his mouth shut and just watches you with almost piqued interest. Or he's deep in thoughts, like you said, you can't quite figure him out.
"Learning is fine, but I hope you're aware you have to be quick at it. We don't have time for any slackers or slowness."
Well, damn. What encouraging words. 
"I'm not a slacker and I hope I'm not slow either."
If he knew you even dreamed about this job, your first day haunting you even in your sleep.
"You do a lot of hoping."
"Sometimes it's the only thing we can do."
He stays silent for a moment, "I could argue with that," he protests but he says it with no remorse or anything negative. Just merrily points out. "I could also give you a few encouraging words, but I'm not sure what help would that make."
It would certainly make you not want to shit your pants in his presence, but you don't tell him that. 
You're not here long enough, but you can't imagine him being all sweet and encouraging. It just doesn't suit him at the moment. You're aware of your judgment and assuming, so you stop and straighten yourself more.
"I need to see results, not give out hope."
That's a bit cold, but you offer him a short nod.
"Got it."
"Alright," he sighs, straightening himself that he's no longer in his leaned back comfortable position. "I need you to get a car ready for today's lunch. I have a meeting at that time and you're coming with me."
You nod, hiding your shock and maybe fear? Who knows. 
"Any restaurant preference?"
"Italian. The one in the Four Seasons Hotel. Call them and reserve us a table. Just mention the name Jeon and they should confirm it."
"Got it, sir. I'll call them right away."
He nods, scooting closer to his desk, dismissing you with no other words needed. 
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Turns out, he has a driver for special occasions. Not sure if lunch with a business partner is a special occasion, but this time you meet Mr. Jeon in an underground garage. Not having the guts to ask if you're late, you keep your mouth shut and the two of you get inside the car. 
You're sure you're not late, you were informed about the specific time when you delivered him the news of the successful reservation. Soyeon, whom you met during the day, has given you some details of how usually these meetings work and how you should prepare. Turns out, you're there to assist Mr. Jeon – schedule any possible future meetings and give him information about his schedule. 
It's understandable that a man with so much work on his shoulders can't remember every single thing, just as much as he can't manage the little details. That's why he has an assistant, that's why you're going. 
The reason for your presence there is no secret to you, and you knew that without Soyeon telling you. Still, you appreciate her trying to help. 
The drive there is spent in silence, a little awkward you would say. One of Mr. Jeon's driver is an older man. Not too old though, maybe old enough to be your father but he seems nice and polite. You can't exactly tell when all you exchanged were greetings before you joined your boss in the backseat.
You also can't say it's the most comfortable ride. You mean... Mr. Jeon is sitting right next to you, even though there's a little space between you – it's still the closest you've been to him so far. 
Man with such distance he seems to radiate, it feels odd to be so close to. He's a stranger, someone who literally has your destiny in the palm of his hands. Big hands at that. 
Something you've noticed before but is clear now as well. You're purely judging the way his phone looks small in his hold. You don't dare to make it visible that you're silently side-eyeing the man. He's not exactly the type to break the awkward silence, but he seems to be too engrossed in his phone to maybe even notice. Or care. 
The silent radio music is the only thing that prevents complete silence. And you find yourself staring from the window, your purse clutched to your side with the needed iPad in it.
It's when a rustling sound comes from the side, catching your attention as you watch Mr. Jeon tucks his phone back into his slacks pocket checking his surroundings out of the window. 
"Mr. Liang owns an agency that represents people who would potentially want business investors to invest in them." Mr. Jeon suddenly says, breaking the silence with his smooth but deep voice.
The moment you both share a look, which is just simply looking into each other's eyes, you almost panic and look away. You hold the stare though, not wanting to get intimidated by the man's eyes or aura. He seems clueless about that, more notes the slight surprise or confusion on your face.
"It's not important information but you can't go there and be completely clueless." he explains, causing you to nod in understatement.
"I thought most business partners come straight to you." Meaning to his company and through their employees, they got to the boss – Mr. Jeon.
You're not ashamed to have a question, a meer curiosity coming to the surface. Mr. Jeon doesn't look bothered, which is a good sign. 
"They do. But most people don't have the resources to do so. We're not a company you can just easily approach. We're talking about millions here, not a few bucks. So owners of agencies like Mr. Liang, they take care of all the important stuff. They take a share from the potential success, that is if I decide to invest in whatever they come up with."
"But they still pay for it, right? They have to be able to allow an agency to represent them."
"Of course. Nothing's for free, Miss Y/L/N," he answers, "If it's a beginner whose business is new, they usually take loans. They still need to pay."
You know how frustrating it feels not to have enough money to be able to go after your dreams. It's a sad reality. People have to take a risk to be able to go after them, most of the time to get into debts. 
It's surely not something Mr. Jeon has ever gone through. You don't judge him. He had the luck to be born into a rich family, which doesn't always have to be positive. You're just comparing the two different worlds. Regardless of that and anything that's obvious, Mr. Jeon was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. 
You wonder if he can even empathize with the struggles these people, or any ordinary mortal is going through. Does he even realize how tough it is for some people? In a way, he's helping them by investing his money into their business but still. It's not for free. You've seen the numbers. He has a good share after that as well. 
After all, he wouldn't invest if it caused him to lose the money. He needs a profit off the things he invests his money into. And from the looks of it, he's doing a fucking amazing job at it. 
You arrive to the Four Seasons Hotel shortly after, Mr. Jeon dismisses his driver's attempt of opening the door for him. It's a little detail but you notice it nevertheless, focusing on yourself instead and trying not to trip in your heels.
Mr. Liang is already inside by the time you get greeted by the lovely staff. Their swift greetings aimed at the man beside you prove he is a regular here. That much was clear to you when he said to mention his name when you were about to make the reservation. 
Just like the most business partners you had a chance to see, Mr. Liang is older than your boss for sure. He's in his mid fifties for sure, but his appearance screams important and business. You're purely judging it by his suit and overall vibe. For his age, Mr. Liang definitely takes good care of himself. 
He's either surprised Mr. Jeon hasn't come alone or because he sees a new face. But judging from the information you've received, you would say it's the second option. You're right because seconds after and after the two men bow at each other, he looks at you. 
"New assistant?" he questions with a smile, outstretching his hand for you to shake.
You politely take it, bowing to him. Mr. Jeon watches the interaction, sitting down as he adjusts his suit. "We'll see."
Is all he says, your frown wanting to come to the surface but you surpass it. It's awkward and perhaps quite embarrassing to hear him saying that in front of a stranger. Mr. Liang seems to be a little taken back, but for whatever reason (or his own sake) he does not ask any further questions. 
They start chit-chatting when menu orders are given to you. You stay quiet, pulling out the iPad from your purse to prepare. Drinks are ordered and you stick to the soda, even though it's nothing like you. It's not like you should care about the bill, one of those two surely pays but still. It's a safe choice. 
"I'll come back to take your meal order." The waiter says, bowing to everyone at the table before he retrieves back.
The man starts picking their food, silently flicking through the menu. "Order something too." 
Mr. Jeon speaks beside you, not lifting up his gaze as he still scans the item in his hands. 
"This should be your lunch break, Miss Y/L/N," he reminds you.
You notice Mr. Liang lifts his eyes to watch you two but his lips stay sealed shut. 
"So order something and eat."
Well, how were you supposed to know that? At least he informed you and spared you the embarrassment of having to spend this meeting with an almost empty stomach. It's a bare minimum but regardless of that, this is still work. You're working during your lunch break. So it is touching that he wants you to eat and not starve.
That would be a really asshole move, considering they're about to have lunch during this.
"Okay." you almost whisper, looking at Mr. Liang as you send him a tiny smile. He reciprocates it and luckily, gives you no attention.
After you order the food, the two business men go straight to work. You assistate, jumping in whenever you're needed and after tasting delicious Italian food, you feel better about the entire meeting. Everything runs smoothly and even though it's hard to detect any positive emotions on Mr. Jeon's face, he seems to be pleased enough with the outcome.
Surely, you can't be a good judge of this, but considering this is your second day properly working in this company, you're proud of yourself because you knew everything. You haven't done anything ridiculously hard, mainly gave information of Mr. Jeon's schedule and did research when he asked you to, but still. You're proud of yourself.
There was not a moment where you were lost and that's a win. Especially in the presence of the boss himself. 
When you get back, Mr. Jeon retrieves back to his office, informing you he doesn't want to be disturbed and all calls should be handled by you or anyone else. You nod at that, bowing at him one last time before you separate your ways. 
"How was it going?" Soyeon asks once she spots you walking by her desk, her eyes sparking with hidden interest and curiosity.
How was it going? You ask yourself. Releasing the breath, a content smile makes it up on your face. "It went actually well."
Soyeon's brows lift up as if she expected something else, though it's quickly wiped away as she gives you a cheerful smile and thumbs up. 
You're ready to walk away but you halt in your steps. "Mr. Jeon does not want to be disturbed." you inform her.
The entire moment is professional, bringing something joyful to the hopeless situation you're in. You're merely informative, making sure Mr. Jeon's orders don't go ignored. Soyeon nods, watching you the entire time you walk to your office.
You sit in your chair, leaning back as you stare at the ceiling, giggling to yourself. The joyful moment doesn't last long though, the phone ringing loudly brings you back to reality and reminds you that nothing is won yet. 
But it's on a good path and that's exactly what you let remind yourself for the rest of the day. 
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"Is your boss hot?"
The second day at your work has ended successfully and so far, Mr. Jeon hasn't come to find you and deliver bad news. That's enough to celebrate and perhaps open a bottle of wine to celebrate, but you simply cannot. You can't risk a headache or potential hangover. 
Since living overseas can be lonely and the last thing you want is to bother Hoseok. He has his own job and can't hang out with you whenever you feel like it. Therefore, you didn't consider inviting him over because there's no need to.
And FaceTiming with your older sister is just enough. It's what you used to do most of the time when you were back home. 
She moved out to Spain at the age of twenty-two which is sooner than you. For you, it was difficult to leave home and everyone there. For her, not as much. She has always been more adventurous and braver when it came to stuff like this. That's why it was such a surprise you decided to move here. Well, you did talk about wanting to come here but it was mostly fantasy talk.
She surely didn't take you seriously, knowing you wouldn't just pack your things and leave. However, you've met Hoseok and if it weren't for him, you wouldn't have the guts to leave.
"What? You did say he's young." she elaborates, shrugging at the raised brow you're showing her.
"So he's gotta be hot as well?"
If it were for you, that's exactly how you would describe your boss. Which by the way, seems very inappropriate and you almost get embarrassed for thinking it. It feels weird to be talking about it openly, even if it's your sister. 
She visibly shrugs, propping her chin on her palm. "He's young and successful. It would be a shame if he wasn't hot, just saying."
"He's decent," you hum instead, not giving the pleasure to unknowing Mr. Jeon that yes, he is hot indeed. The fucker knows it anyway for sure. "I'm more concerned about his personality. He's very firm."
You elaborate more, explain her everything from beginning in more details since messages do not give it justice. She's no stranger to your situation. 
"Well, thank god for your friend then," she says after you tell her about the interactions you've experienced with your boss. "And you don't have to work for him forever, right? You just gotta stay there for a while and then you could find something different."
"Whatever that's gonna be, I feel like it's not gonna be anything better."
"Why are you saying that?"
"Because his company is one of the best known in South Korea. He's a millionaire."
"Maybe you could work for another millionaire then." she jokes, earning another glare from you. 
"It's not that simple."
"Hm," she hums, popping a piece of chocolate into her mouth. "Is he like, super famous? I could google him. What was his name?"
You laugh, shaking your head. "He's known but he's private. People tend to put their interest and attention on idols and actors, actresses. Not millionaire heirs."
"You know what you should do?"
"What?" you deadpan, knowing one of her brilliant ideas are about to come out. 
"You should make more friends. You never know. They might help you in the future, in any field."
That's not exactly a bad idea, you know what she means. 
"I'm not gonna make friends just so they could help me when I need them." you point out.
"That's now what I meant," she argues, "Not in that way. But it's not bad to know more people. You gotta understand you don't have your family there, Y/N."
"I know that." you mutter, rubbing your forehead as you make yourself more comfortable in your bed. 
"Just think about it."
"Yeah, yeah." you wave the topic off. "I'm ready to make more friends. But currently, there aren't many opportunities to do so."
"What about your co-workers?"
"Right," You press your lips together. "They're all... I don't know, some of them are very welcoming and obviously, the company is large so I don't know everyone. I don't think it's even possible. But some of them are really serious. I don't know how to explain it."
"Maybe it's a cultural thing?" she questions.
"They're just very skilled in everything and I'm a newbie." You're reminded of Max's words. He calls you a newbie. 
"It will get better, I'm sure."
You're not sure about that, but you nod and end the topic there. You catch up over other stuff, mainly your sister talking about the reconstruction of her and her boyfriend's bathroom. Once a set of yawns keep coming in the midst of your call, you decide to end it there.
Making sure your alarm is set, even though it's automatic by now, it takes you a minute to stare at the ceiling before darkness swallows you whole. 
This time more confident to meet Mr. Jeon's orders and deep eyes that follow you into your dreams.
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forfucksakesniall · 1 year ago
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Hi bestie, when you have the time could you make something for lewis, like just domestic vibes and/or he being a complete simp
Domestic Vibes and being a Complete Simp
Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Reader
Trigger Warning/Content Advisory: Too much fluff
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He doesn't show it much, but Lewis is a huge cuddler. When it's a lazy morning, he would bury his face in the crook of your neck and wrap his arms around you. It's a force of habit by now.
Lewis doesn't mind being the "little spoon," wrapping his arms around you as you both cuddle. His reason is because he can hear your heartbeat, but you know why he lays on your chest. You can feel the way he nuzzles his face and leaves small kisses.
He would turn the TV on and watch your favorite shows together while your koala of a boyfriend cuddles under a cozy blanket.
He talks about cooking pasta in an interview, but in reality, he is a menace in the kitchen.
But you enjoy spending time "trying" to cook something decent with him in the kitchen.
"No, Lewis. You need to add the water after." He does his old man laugh. "Oh well, we can just do it again. I guess."
When working out on his balcony in Monaco, he would encourage you to join him, making him your personal trainer. "Just one more, baby," he whispers in your ear. "I can't anymore, Lew." you try to catch your breath. "But you've only done one squat, baby."
When he did have work, he would wake up early and give you a kiss on the head before getting ready. Before he leaves the house, he would give you a kiss goodbye while you were still asleep and leave a message on your phone to see when you get up.
Lewis:
Good morning, baby.
Didn't want to wake you up.
You deserve some rest after last night ;)
I'll see you later.
I love you so much!
I love you too!!
If you ever did wake up before he left, he'd make breakfast for you and make sure to use all the time he has with you.
"You'll be late!" you tell him while he has you caged under him. "I still have some time, baby. Just let me take care of you. Don't want you feeling neglected."
When he comes late, you would wait for him in bed watching a movie or reading a book.
"Hey, baby. Why are you still awake?" he asks you. "I wanted to wait for you. You've been gone all day."
Both of you would end up in long, late-night conversations about life and dreams, making sure you always feel listened to and supported.
There may be times when you feel under the weather or when your hormones are acting up. He would stay with you longer and even call in sick if needed.
"You shouldn't have done that... This will pass. I'll be fine later anyway," you say as you cradle his face while lying in bed.
"I don't want to leave knowing that you're not feeling okay. I would be thinking about you even if I leave. Might as well stay here and take care of you," he says, leaning in close to give you a sweet kiss.
Lewis is known for being fashion-forward. While he shops for himself, he would go to the women's section to check out anything that you might like.
He would come home with dozens of bags from different brands."Looks like someone had Christmas early," you tease him. "Oh baby, this isn't even close to Christmas for you," he tells you while setting all the bags down on the floor. "I need you to be a good girl and try some things for me," he winks while getting more bags from the car.
He is seen on all your social media posts. He can't resist leaving flirty comments and adorable emojis, making sure everyone knows he's head over heels for you.
Lewis is known to be very private with his life, definitely with you. So, whenever you guys were in public, he would always take you to a place where there's a private area to be with you. Being this protective also had its perks. He knows that after they serve your food, no one would come over to check on you two again unless you both are done with your meals. He would be really handsy under the table. Light touches on your arm, the way he looks into your eyes then lips and at the same time leans in closer to you. At this point, the only thing stopping him was the table between you.
But when you're with him or your friends, he doesn't shy away from PDA. He would hug you from behind, holding your waist, have you sit on his lap, kiss your cheek from time to time, and whisper sweet nothings.
Lewis loves taking pictures with you or of you, creating a personalized gallery of your love story.
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bzhitstruth · 2 months ago
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I'm back to this "space-time loop" with birthdays again. When I see a huge number of coincidences and strange things, chaos appears in my head, so there is a desire to put it all in order.
All this is fake, CPN and my speculation.
So, on October 5th the magic circle with birthdays and DD's journey closed. New circumstances have emerged, and this makes this magic cycle even more interesting.
The Discovery episode about the desert was filmed in Inner Mongolia, this place is called 阿拉善 (Alxa League), a few hours drive from Lanzhou, where DD arrived, and it turns out that this is the same place where GG filmed his vlog on August 5, 2021, which was released on his birthday on October 5, 2021!
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Of course, this is pure coincidence, perhaps this place is very suitable for filming picturesque desert landscapes, so different film crews at different times choose the same place. But it very luckily fell into this magic loop.
This year DD posted the photo of the desert with the caption "27" on August 5th, the desert episode came out on October 5th, and DD posted the photo of the desert on October 5th within 1 minute of XZS's post, and he put 3 emojis 3 times each — "33".
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The turtles conducted an experiment on their phones, I don't really understand what this function is and how it works, but it is with this combination of emoticons with the tag #探索新境 that the number 33 appears. But the strangest thing is that if you enter this combination without the tag, you get 27! What kind of magic is this that connected the numbers of their ages?
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If we continue playing with the number 33, it is literally everywhere: DD posted a total of 33 photos on his personal account during the series' release until October 5, on October 5 DD posted 6 more photos, and 6 is, as we know, 3+3. And also the connection between their ages: 27 is 3 cubed, that is, 27=33. I feel like my brain is refusing to process this information anymore!
In GG's night photos we can see deserted night streets of Beijing, but at the same time, on these streets, next to GG, motorcycles (or battery-powered cars that look like motorcycles) appear. What’s even more interesting is that in one of the photos, GG is standing next to a motorcycle, on the trunk of which, quite by chance, “Adventure” is written and a snowy mountain is depicted. This motorcycle is on the edge of the photo, it could easily be cropped. Why is it there?
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At 11:59 PM, the last minute of October 5th, GG posted the video with he singing "Thank you for wishing me goodnight," this is the exact wish that DD had been saying in every part of his journey before going to sleep. And there is one more nuance: in the video, GG says the words “thank you” exactly at the 18th second, and the words “good night” at the 23rd. On this mysterious note, October 5th ended.
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And this is just part of what happened on October 5th. Everyone has probably already heard about the same clothes, the portrait on the wall, DD's sudden love for bicycles…
And one more touching moment: by chance or not, but the last photo of the six DD's photos and of all the photos that DD posted during the Discovery show is a sunrise in the desert. It is so symbolic and so good, it looks like a good wish, like a good omen - the darkness will dissipate, and the dawn will surely come. May everything be well with them. 💚❤️.
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sources: one, two, three
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bonny-kookoo · 1 year ago
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I have transcended here, so follow my vision:
Jungkook is always taunting the hybe staff that monitors his lives right? What about a fic where he does this because he kinda likes the pretty new IT intern 👉👈 and she is always stressed out working the night shift and wondering is he asleep yet should I end the live? oh no is he about to give a major spoiler, he would not do it right? workout sounds are kinda suspicious and low-key obscene should I "accidentally" end the live?
Hm... warning for like.. jungkook flirting? And suggestive themes lol
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Your heart beats faster whenever you get the notification. But not because of the same reasons the fans pulses might race quicker.
No, you personally get palpitations because of him, personally.
You don't even know why he's bitten into you like a stubborn dog like this, not daring to let go, teeth buried deep in your skin. You don't think you're outstandingly pretty, you're not special, you're not even supposed to have any sort of friendly or private contact with him whatsoever. Your job is on the line every time he has his 'fun'. But every time you scold him with that fact, he's got the same answer.
'I've got enough money for both of us, baby.'
You're not sure how the hell the agency has not yet caught onto his games- teasing words never directed at the fans, but you on the other side monitoring- them hearing in on it simply collateral damage. He knows you watch him every time he goes live. Your angry emojis you send him every time he edges on getting inappropriate in front of millions worth it every time, as he has to imagine you angrily scolding him so cutely just like last time you did.
He wonders how long you'll let him toy around with you like this.
He remembers when you ended his live when he fell asleep, calling and ringing his doorbell in panic because of the still burning candle- but when he'd tried to lure you into his claws, offering to have you sleep over at his place since it was late and raining heavily, you'd declined- probably having sensed his actual hidden motive.
You're not easy. And he can't deny that he loves the chase.
At first, it was just fun. He thought if he played it cool and most of all smart enough, you'd eventually cave in- but by now, he's actually become much more personally interested in you. It's not just about what you might feel like all messed up under his hands with his dick balls deep inside you anymore- that's somewhat moved into the background, lust no longer the main reason for his interest.
It's the soft domesticity you offer him here and there, gentle care a man like him can do nothing but fall for.
You're nothing but IT staff, newly hired for your exceptional skills when it comes to recovering data from the most messed up hard drives, and your talent for making sure nothing leaks out where it's not supposed to. You take your job seriously, work with all your soul and energy, always try and do your best even in the most lost-cause-scenarios. But he remembers you restoring almost all of his files after his pc crashed, offering him gentle reassurance and some water to calm him down. And a few weeks later when his tablet was infected with a virus (most likely stemming from the.. not so family friendly he occasionally visits...), you'd simply giggled about it, not making a huge deal out of it, even sharing your homemade food with him in his office while you waited for the new firmware to install.
You cook really well. Not perfect- but perfectly imperfect, just like home cooking is supposed to be. And you're so sweet- it's giving him cavities just thinking of you.
And yeah- you're also called his 'babysitter' whenever he's live randomly at night, since you yourself can't sleep all that much. He wonders if it's insomnia, or another health issue. He wonders if he could do something to help you sleep at night.
He wonders if you'd hold onto him when asleep. He wonders if you like holding hands.
He's asked you these things privately often, at first just to tease, but these days he means those questions. He wants to know more about you, about who you are apart from your job, but you take your role in the company pretty seriously it seems like. You never break your contract, always remind him that you're not allowed to either answer his questions, or have any private contact at all.
And he hates it. He hates that you're so goddamn nice, never daring to break any rules.
"Hm? Ah yes, it's late.." he comments at the chat flowing with thousands of messages, not truly paying attention to them. "Its late, I can't sleep~" He hums, leaning back against his couch, sighing. "Maybe I should eat? I'm not on a diet right now.." he wonders to himself, picking at his new piercing. "..maybe. Would you eat with me?" He wonders, and on the other side of the live, in your office chair, you want to hit your head on your keyboard.
He knows exactly what he's doing. You want to punch that dumb smirk right off his face.
"Hm, would you.. I'll make some food, yes." He nods to himself, getting up to take the phone with him, setting it up in his kitchen. "Late night Ramyeon.. yes." He sings, dancing a little as he opens two bowls. "I'll eat two. I've got.. a big appetite." He says, having turned around to look at the chat again- or more so the camera. "And I'll put some sauce in it too. I like it hot, you know?" He giggles, and you on the other side wonder if it would cost you your job if you 'accidentally' cut the connection.
Instead, you send a red-faced angry emoji and a pointing finger as a warning.
And the moment he receives it he brightly grins laughing to himself. Are you watching him from your office at the company building? Or maybe you watch him from home? Possibly in bed? And if so, are you wearing anything? Images of you in nothing but underwear spark in his mind, making him space out as he leans on the kitchen counter, hand playing with his bottom lip. He'd bet half of his wealth you probably wear cute lacy underwear, with bows in the middle.
He could probably rip the frail fabric of your underwear off your pretty body with his bare hands. He knows he's got the strength for it.
"Hm, maybe I can't finish two though?" He wonders as he fills both bowls up with hot water. "But I'll try.." he sings to himself, not a care in the world while you watch, being tortured by the sight of his broad back. It would be a lie to say that he's not attractive- he knows it too, after all, and you're not blind. You're simply just not putting your job on the line for a simple affair- you won't be used like that.
You've been through that before. You can't do this again.
The rest of his live is uneventful, he doesn't actually eat any of his food, ends the live with the excuse that he's tired after all, and you're finally falling head first in your lap before your phone rings. Accepting it, you don't answer, but his voice on the other end does.
"If you come over now, it'll still be hot when you're here." He chuckles, and you know he refers to the instant food he'd made.
"Jungkook-ssi, I can't do that.!" You groan.
"Why not?" He wonders almost innocently. "Its not like people will know." He tells you.
"I'm not putting my job on the line for.. an affair." You decline. "You might have your fun, but I'll have to deal with the consequences later." You say, and for a moment, there's no sound, before he sighs.
"You know.." he starts, sitting down on a chair at his kitchen table. "..weeks prior I would've given up at this point. Would've told you 'alright, cool' and then let it go, you know?" He tells you, one hand supporting his head while his phone lays on the table. "But I honestly don't wanna just.. have an affair, as you call it."
"Oh?" You scoff. "Jungkook-ssi, I have to end this call. Please refrain from-"
"I want to get to know you." He rushes out. "I.. genuinely want to. I take all of the blame if things go south. I'll make sure you get the best job if Hybe kicks you out, promise." He offers, before he sighs yet again. "Just.. let's just eat ramyon at my place, no strings attached." He asks, and you laugh after a moment, making him grin too.
"Eat ramyeon at your place?" You giggle, and he clicks his tongue.
"You say 'wanna see my cat' these days." He says, and you get up into a sitting position.
"Well, I mean, you were aiming to see a cat, in a way." You attempt to flirt back, and its quiet. "Oh my God sorry, I really shouldn't-"
"No, no-" he laughs. "That was adorable, really." He grins to himself on the other end of the call. "So?"
"I can't." You decline. "I don't have anything else than this job. Please don't make me do this." You say, and he bites his lower lip.
"I meant it." He repeats. "No funny business. Dick stays inside my pants, and I really will make sure to get you a new even better job if someone finds out and gets you fired." He promises.
"How can I trust you?" You ask.
"Have I ever done something to get you into trouble?" He asks, and you think.
"I can think of a few times-" you start, before laughing when he groans out in agony. "The food is cold now anyway." You say.
"I can heat it up." He offers.
"I don't like spicy things." You respond.
"Nothing wrong with being vanilla." He jokes, and you roll your eyes on your side of the call.
"You're such a pervert. What would the fans think?" You scold playfully.
"They love it." He chuckles. "Just like you'll love me."
"Bold claim." You say.
"Just give me a chance." He offers. "One chance to make you fall for me."
"What if you won't fall for me?" You ask.
"Impossible." He hums, voice low as he watches the phone on his table. "Already did."
And you're quiet for a moment, before you sigh.
"I'll bite your hand off if you touch me inappropriately." You threaten, and he laughs.
"And I'll willingly accept my punishment, baby."
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sevenop · 4 months ago
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Billie Eilish x Fem!reader: The Countess's carriage
A/n: You get your driver's license, and Billie just likes to mess around sometimes.
Billie's point of view. Small references to "Oxytocin".
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"Okay guys, we're done, you're packing up the equipment! You all did a great job!" - The photographer gives the command and his booming voice shaking the bright studio like a fairy-tale giant easily lifting a log cabin into the air, and for a second it seems that even the huge vertical plane of the cyclorama behind me is swaying, absorbing his powerful, bassy voice. Something reminiscent of huge stage speakers, quite amusing. - "Thank you more for such a pleasant cooperation, Ms. O'Connell."
The stocky man smiles as kindly as if he were a boy of five, making his truly French mustache bounce upward in curls. And he himself is a living embodiment of Parisian chic, making an impression of some incompatible between windiness and seriousness. Chinos pants in gray plaid, expensive white shirt that is deliberately not buttoned up on the first button, black classic Vans slip-ons, brown jacket, and his majesty - yellow scarf. It's like I never left Paris, a really wonderful photographer.
"Just Billie," - I sank blissfully into the blue pouffe with my foot on the leg, - "and thank you, it's mutual."
The good-natured uncle walks away, looking at the camera screen with incredible satisfaction as he walks (perhaps even calculating the profits from the magazine covers, as evidenced by his dreamy feline smile), and I can finally exhale, relaxed. When I lean my head back and close my eyes for a few seconds, the studio around me is as noisy as a forest: someone removes the nozzle from the softboxes with a characteristic rustle like the sound of leaves, or heared alternating clicks that make the studio lights go out, reminiscent of a woodpecker's knocking on wood. And it's all mixed in with the rushing of people stomping around, muffled speech that I'm not really trying to make out. With an exhalation I open my eyes leisurely, and while long-legged tripods and reflectors, so similar to buds opened under the sun, are "flying by", I fumble for my phone in the pocket of baggy jeans. Even in this consonance of work noise, I hear most sensitively the sound of the notification from you. Or maybe I don't hear it, but already feel it in my heart, who knows? A light swipe up and our chat window obediently pops up. Emoji of a burning heart in place of name and your photo in the profile circle, where you deliberately playfully shine your sharpened bare collarbones, which for me is the most delicious cherry that I want to savor on my tongue.
"Hey, guess who can surpass you on the road now? 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜"
A warm smile spreads on my lips: your efforts have really paid off despite the itchy worries in your soul. So proud of you, though I can't help but tease jokingly - the newfound opportunity is too sweet, since you and I can have such an unconditionally good time.
"Debatable about surpassing me, my girl..." - And immediately followed by a new blue cloud of a message that slipped right out from under my fingers. - "But I'm eternally proud of you, you're incredible."
"Then why does it look like you want to take me on as a bet, Eilish?"
Bingo. As soon as I slyly cast my rod, you immediately swallow the bait, even knowing full well what's involved. Your deliberate submissiveness is so enticing, it makes me bite my lower lip, automatically stoking the hungry flames of my obscene thoughts. The false fang scratches my lip from the excessive pressure. Shit... Out of the corner of my eye, I catch a tall, thin shadow looming over me, causing me to raise my head, reflexively blocking my screen.
"Billie, ready to go yet?" - Laura smiles, holding the thick day planner in one hand and holding it out to me with the other like a caring fairy godmother. I nod and immediately brag to get up from the blue ottoman in one motion. - "You look a little tired, dear, but luckily that was the last activity for today."
"And this is coming from a person who should be on a well-deserved vacation twice already, but has been putting it off for about six months now," - I chuckle, and Laura playfully folds her fingers pistol-wise, tucking her "sacred" texts under her armpit. A few impromptu shots, and I play along like an unlikely Hollywood movie actor, grabbing dramatically at the heart. - "Okey, my lip zipped."
"That's right!" - Ramsey, with a cheeky grin, alternately blows imaginary smoke off her fatal "weapon" before she get back in the same mood. - "Should I call a driver to give you a ride home?"
"No, that's okay,"- I sluggishly wave her off as the two of us weave our way toward the exit of the room, keeping our course toward the intricate weave of several dark corridors and dressing rooms. - "Better tell me, can I keep those awesome fangs?".
"I think, for a small fee, it's quite possible."
"Great!" - I dip my hand into my pocket again, unintentionally blinding myself with the display in the unfamiliar darkness at first. My fingers immediately touch the necessary letters, as if in a sharp and passionate tango. - "Simply marvelous."
One can now tread on this fragile ice far more confidently than before.
"It is, I want." - The blue cloudlet goes to you, losing the final "you" along the way, which I did, after all, erase as soon as I typed it. Not because it's not true, but because it's too boring and stupid to open all the cards at once. - "Will you pick me up?"
Two thin, white checkmarks appear almost immediately in the corner, notifying me that it's been read. The three dots at the top of the screen bounce meditatively as I say goodbye to Laura, who's walking further down the maze of narrow corridors, and I'm touch the handle of the dressing room with the palm of my hand as I make mine way inside.
"Yeah, only if you're want ride on a bicycle." - The words skillfully build into your traditional irony, and I can hold back a burst of laughter. - "I don't have a car yet, and I don't think you're so dreamy about having all of LA running after us when they recognize you."
"Take my Dragon, and show me what you can do. I'll be waiting."
I write the address and set the phone back down on the table contentedly, settling into the high chair in front of the mirror: I smile languidly, and a pair of snow-white fangs and silver grillz catch the glow of light from the warm backlighting running along the mirror frame. The silver star shining especially brightly. I notice the playful blue sparks in my gaze that flicker with the stirring dirty thoughts already running rampant in my head. Well, this is going to be fun!
×××
As soon as I leave the building through the back door, under the usual escort of two trustworthy guards and the responsible Laura, I hear the familiar, soft rumble of the engine and my favorite rustle of wheels in the deep dark blue twilight: you pull into the parking lot like a careful panther, so as not to attract unnecessary attention. Although I know how much you want to make noise for the whole block and press the gas pedal to the floor. I like to do that. And I think I like to see you driving my car, which I'm just now finding out.
"You're too sexy against the obsidian black metallic, you know that?" - I dive into the passenger seat, which feels a little unfamiliar, and you almost drop your jaw to the floor of the cabin in surprise when I look at you defiantly from under my dark glasses and smile. I bite my lip deliberately, setting the stage. - "You like it?"
"Insanely." - You look adoringly into my blue waters, so beloved of you, and I can't hold back a slight blush, immediately covering myself with a smirk. - "You seem to have surpassed even Carmilla herself, Countess."
"I hope the first vampire in the history of literature doesn't take too much offense at me." - I grab to my seatbelt, letting a chuckle pass through my lips.
"She will. It's impossible to be offended by you."
As we pull out of the parking lot, the right to stare elegantly becomes my authority, which you've unknowingly handed over to me, as if you've performed a gothic sacrament in the semi-darkness of the cabin by your mere appearance and demeanor. The massive gold chain that weighs so seductively on your neat neck is worth it. And the long coffee-colored jacket that accentuates your sculpted shoulders? My gaze falls on the thin strap threaded into the laces of your casual pants - the belt plaque is gold-plated, too. You lower your right hand, gently touching the gearshift knob, and I stare so dumbly, hungrily outlining each phalanx and the line of rings playing on your beautiful fingers. Oh my God... You're doing absolutely nothing obscene, and I'm practically dying already.
"Is everything okay?" - you ask, not taking your eyes off the road. Your face is so unaccustomedly focused, though I catch some concern in your gaze.
"Just admiring you," - I take off my sunglasses, clinging them with one earpiece on the collar of my T-shirt. - "And... I wanted to offer you something."
"Listening attentively, my Countess." - You look at me expectantly, just as we slow down at the stoplight waiting for the signal, a purring chuckle on your lips. - "Anything for your gothic majesty, the finest carriage at your service."
"Is it really the best? It's not like I'm driving right now." - A smirk shoots up on its own, causing you to do nothing but tsk tsk and roll your eyes theatrically. You're my flawless opera.
"Stop taunting and tormenting me and tell me what you're up to, slick."
The air sticks in my throat barely in time to form meaningful words, or at least syllables: a red Audi comes nose to nose, honking softly. My hands reach for mine glasses, clawing them back onto my face as a kind of reflex. And you're instantly taut, like a string twisted in the right direction by a peg on top of the fingerboard. Hands on the handlebars in perfect position, for all the flashy high marks. Again another slight honk of a car suddenly appearing nearby breaks the silence of the night.
"Did I do something wrong?" - You ask perplexedly, arching your eyebrows slightly in a frown and turning your head toward the window, just in time for the expensive source of the rich scarlet-colored sound. The Audi immediately winks playfully at you a couple times with its high beam lights, making you squint more and more with the question hovering right above your head.
"No, relax." - I run my hand down your thigh, which immediately tenses under my palm. You turn your gaze back to me, still as questioning, but you spread your leg closer to me without further ado. You're so obedient, it's a miracle. - "It's just that you're being called to a stoplight race."
"Uh, just like in the movies?"
"Uh-huh." - I slide my hand thigh , down to your knee to come back up and rest on the border of my inner thigh. The look is attentive, eye to eye, you're not even looking down yet. - "When two or more drivers in expensive cars meet randomly on the road and try to prove who is 'cooler' by overtaking each other, flashing high beams, playing 'checkers' usually with significant speeding."
"And... How do I win?" - My palm dives down, and you start breathing a little confused, which someone else wouldn't even notice unless you knew you properly. But I do know, and that brings a satisfied smile as if on cue. - "Eilish..."
"I'll tell you if you promise to grant my wish," I return back, squeezing your thigh through the fabric of your pants. - "Whatever it is."
"I promise." - You nod confidently, even without any pause. A small spark of excitement shines in the depths of your pupils. Wonderful.
"Usually this sort of thing ends with one heavily outmaneuvering the 'opponent', like while he's stopped at a stoplight, bumping into slow traffic, and stuff like that." - I lower my glasses a little, peeking over the edge of the frame. Your gaze drifts momentarily to the rich blue of my lashes, and then you're back at the mercy of my calculating eyes. - "Racing from stoplight to stoplight, usually starting on green, then rapid acceleration, 'checkers' and braking before the next stoplight.
"Well, there's no other cars here now, obviously."
"In our case, all we have to do is run a green light to get our opponent 'stuck' into a red light." - feeling the coolness of the gearbox knob with the palm of my hand is nice, even sitting in the passenger seat, even if it feels completely different. - "Roar if you want to compete."
You pause for a second, arching your back into the seat, staring appraisingly at the distant traffic light in front of you, and then place your hands on the steering wheel. Seeing the blue ribbons of your veins on your tense wrists is pure sex. You squeeze the gas pedal, shaking the silence of the intersection with a powerful roar - and that's sex multiplied by x-two. You really know how to make the Dragon sound. And I know how to make you sound. The scarlet Audi responds immediately, making noise and "shooting" the engine in a cocky, open and brazen challenge.
"I dibs pay on the fines, Eilish." - you exhale tensely with a chuckle, staring at the red light as if someone's life depends on it. Oh, you're nervous as if you're on your deathbed, waiting with your hand clasped on the handle.
"The Countess is betting all her treasure on you, my coachman." - I lean back in my chair with too much wimpy pathos on my tongue, and as I smile my teeth catch the glow of the streetlights again, which is especially visible in the side mirror. Red changes to yellow, to which the Audi growls again, and you don't make a single extra move, just wait. - "Prove it to me what you better."
Five seconds of silence - the yellow cycles to green. And you sharply push the knob on the box forward in a split second, at the same time pressing the pedal to the floor. The wheels grind to a devilish speed, and I'm immediately sealed into the seat. It's pure madness, but I like it. The Audi pathetically "shooting" the exhaust pipe, being bumper to bumper with you again. At the last decisive meters, when the green circle blinks, as if saying goodbye for a while, and the "Dragon" on half a bumper rushes forward, you confidently pull the handle a little on itself, including the second gear, then - clutch, smooth wheel spin, gas. With a whistle of tires, you fly sideways behind the traffic light hanging from above, immediately leveling off to the proper lane and driving away, kicking up dust. The red Audi stays behind the red light, a little further away.
With the realization of the outcome, we yell something unintelligible to each other, me nearly bouncing out of my seat even though I'm buckled in, you, a five-finger running through your hair disbelievingly while the road is still empty.
"Wow, I definitely have one of the best carriages of all," I whisper half hoarsely, feeling the tight ligaments in my throat peppering.
"And yet not the best?" - you pout playfully, biting down on the bottom one so your smile doesn't give you away. Still too flighty and excited from the dose of adrenaline shooting through your bloodstream. - "I won, hey!"
"You won, but you didn't win against me," - I show you my tongue, sticking it exactly in the gap between my fangs, and you laugh childishly. There's no hint of resentment or anything like that on your face.
"So be it, Eilish." - You look distractedly at the rearview mirror, as if convincing yourself that this isn't all a figment of your imagination. - "So what about your wish?"
And here comes the prize for audience sympathy! Personal and unique, so long awaited.
"Remember my apartment in the apartments near the center?" - I place my hand back on your thigh, stroking extremely close, making you almost hiss, "Head over there, right into the underground parking lot."
×××
Passing the security checkpoint without the slightest problem, and pulling into the parking lot just out of camera range - good idea, great even. Unbuckling the seatbelts on both of us and getting my lips on yours before your mechanism hit the car wall with its metal detail was great. Ordering you, so panting and disheveled from my hands and lips, to move into the back seats right out of the front seats, following me is stunning in its uniqueness. You are sprinted by me to the back seat without any mercy or excuse, with your lips slightly swollen and reddened from biting. And I deeply don't care that we're somewhat cramped right now, perhaps that only plays to our advantage. I don't care because it's my wish, and you promised to fulfill it.
"You're crazy, you know that?" - Your gaze is so serious - pure surgical steel, but you're breathing intermittently and without noticing it you're fawning your body only closer to me, your legs in expensive pants spread wider, giving more space. - "Why don't you back off and pick something safer?"
Sitting on you in the small interior of Dodge: pure insanity. Hovering over you again and tongue leaving a lust-hot stroke on your neck, pulling back the collar of your thin white turtleneck: a complete breakdown of brakes and decency. But can't I be bad sometimes? Oh, yes, I can! Especially when there's a hot girl like you in my car.
"Can't take it back once it's been set in motion," - I clutch that most fucking licentious gold and massive chain in my fist, pulling you closer by it so you're sure to hear every word crystal clear in my whisper. - "Cause I like to do things God doesn't approve of if she saw us."
"Eilish, fuck...," - I rest my knee so shamelessly between your thighs, deliberately creating friction, and you melting, letting go of any moral guardrails, your face hidden behind your Artemis palm: fingers so thin and chiseled and beautiful, like you're a perfect portrait descended from the paintings of antiquity. Mine. So excited and almost swaggering.
"Girl, I'm going to drive you crazy," - I run the very tip of a fang along the curl of your ear, and you pant in heat, swallowing your own moan so obediently that my own thighs shake from the tension. Gently I wrap my fingers around your hand, moving my hand away from your face. - "Wanna see what you can take, take you right in the my car, such a deadly hot girl. Will you be obedient for me?"
"Yes," - you wheeze, clinging to my lips, and I allow it, only biting lightly. It seems like you're about to have bloody scratchy cracks on your lips as it is, my weakness. I leave a few hickeys on your neck, and I almost laugh as you purr a muffled moan: I think I'm getting too into the vampire role, don't you think?
I touch you just everywhere, every precious cell of your body, and you still don't beg: you endure and only occasionally look away from me, wishing you could find some respite to save your soul in this four-wheeled Purgatory that is more sinful than hell itself.
"You couldn't look away, look away, look away..." - I hum mockingly right in your face, grabbing your chin, but you only roll your eyes with the new thrust of my knee. You're so interesting to 'break', my dear, so unadulterated and interesting to me.
"She'd wanna get involved, involved, involved..." - you deftly parry my own sentence. A slight smirk flashes across your lips, and then I'm nearly folded in half when you thoughtfully shut my mouth with your hand and wedge your knee into the very point of infernal heat in my body. There, between my thighs.
"Slut..." - I feel the sweat begin to trickle down my forehead, and a bitchy smile spreads across my lips. You don't look away, staring straight into my irises, wanting to swim in those seas, to stay there forever. But I won't let you - I just can't do it without you. Your parched lips fold silently into "yours," and so hard tightens the knot of heat in my lower abdomen as if all five letters were belladonna petals.
Deftly I unbuckle your belt, pull the zipper tongue down and you instantly break down, no longer having any strength to continue this teenage game we're playing.
"I'm begging, Billie, please..."
Click! And you broke, just seconds before I would have lost all patience myself, pounding into you with fingers so frantic and selfless that you never dreamed. Good girl. And good girls should be encouraged, shouldn't they?
Already half-naked, you crawl back to the narrow window with your back to the max distance, and I slide down the seat to the opposite side with my feet on the floor. I run my hands over your absolutely uncovered thighs, touching them smoothly with my lips as if they were expensive velvet. You want to grab my hair with your hands, speeding up the process, but you stopped yourself so obediently that I personally place your hand on the back of my head-you deserve it.
I run my tongue between the hot petals, and you nearly bang your head on the roof, wanting to arch your body in a beautiful arc of pleasure. Your hands are tangled in my dark hair, and I'm just trying not to scratch you with my two snow-white "gothic blade", stolen from the photo shoot so successfully. The star-shaped grillz are so contrastly, it's so cold on your aroused clit at first, isn't it?
You cum even without fingers, too taken to extremes in foreplay. All I do is suck in the pot of your clit with my lips, and you do fly into the low ceiling of the car with your forehead, jerking from your orgasm too sharply. You squeeze your eyes shut in pain, barely able to recover again from the new wave of small shudders.
"Hey, hey, hey," - I'm settling in just as you do, pulling you closer to me, resting your head on my chest. Your feet dangle to the floor, but you don't seem to care. You only squint, trying to calm the mottled galaxy before your eyes, and poke your lips against my neck. - "Gently, be accurate, my girl."
You open your eyes, and you look at me so wildly, the word Fallen Angel on Alexander Cabanel's canvas. Madly, with burning eyes, with unknown power. You don't say a word only kiss endlessly, and with one hand you manage the thin Gucci belt and the zipper on my jeans. You enter with two fingers so unexpectedly and precisely that I would have left a hole in the roof with my head if you hadn't put your hand there in time.
"The Grammy Academy still needs some talented twists, careful," - you chuckle, but I'm just feverishly thrusting against your tense fingers, eager for release. I bite my lip until it's bloody, and the star-shaped grillz blinks silver. - "Nah, that won't do..."
You pull your fingers out, and I feel like crying or biting "vampire-style."
You slide down between my thighs, throwing my legs over your back as best you can by virtue of the space, and then you say, looking into my eyes with Edenic pleasure like you've tasted forbidden fruit:
"Beg me, Billie Eilish."
Click! And I break under you in my own car, burning with excitement.
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buzzcutlip · 5 months ago
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Cracks and Gaps - The Worst Day (part I) Carmen Berzatto x Fem!Reader Mature (Explicit in the following parts) 7434 words ao3
You meet Carmen in Copenhagen through a mutual friend and bond over shared experiences. After following his rising career from afar, you reconnect in Chicago when he renovates his late brother's restaurant. As an editor, you can't miss an opportunity to find out more about the comeback of this chef prodigy.
A/N: I've started writing this story a looong time ago last year. There will be two more parts. I would like to thank @carmyboobear for being the most incredible beta and helping me out on the rocky journey. They're a very special person to me, and also a fantastic and inspiring writer themselves. Please, check their Carmy stories if you haven't!
THE WORST DAY
The first time you meet Carmen, you are both a little over twenty and in Copenhagen. He is staging at Noma, and you are interning at a design studio where everyone is very “green.” From one of your conversations with Carmen, you learn that Pop-Tarts and Cheetos are illegal here. In Europe. Most of the sodas that stained your tongue crazy colors when you were a kid are banned too. He lectures you on Scandinavian agriculture and food production.
Carmen is skinny and short—still a bit taller than you, though—with sharp, high cheekbones and bulging eyes. You don't know enough about each other to be “friends,” but he is a good companion. Your high school friend Becky knows Carmen’s older sister; that’s how you found each other in Denmark’s capital.
On two rare occasions, you get drunk together, and that happens only when he is stressed from work. Like, stressed STRESSED. You'd think he only drinks special natural wine from Lofoten or something, but his choice of poison is canned Budweiser. Maybe he misses home as much as you do. Maybe that’s what leads you to almost kiss him the second time. Carmen lives on a boat, and he takes you there, where you drink vodka mixed with herbs and licorice that Carmen concocts, his tongue peeking out between his lips as he concentrates. The drink tastes good. Weird. You don't hide your grimace. Neither of you comments on the alcohol ratio. It's more vodka than anything else, that's for sure.
Carmen is not your type, physically or character-wise—you are an introvert yourself, so you need someone to bring you out of your shell. Obviously, doing an internship on a different continent is a huge step, one that is only on you. He also smokes a lot and probably doesn't wash his hair. You've heard about his crazy mother and bonkers family from Becky, so you understand why Carmen is Carmen. Why he’s run off to Europe. It's just—his face—his eyes, when he's telling you about his dream job at Noma or Alchemist—they glow, and he becomes so animated, the quiet excitement seeping to the surface, and there's fondness blooming in your chest. He also knows a thing or two about sports, as you do, the subject bringing you back to Chicago, and the longing for “home” and “familiar” is terribly strong in the moment, enhanced by the alcohol. And Carmen, the boy sitting opposite you, with burns on his hands and ripped jeans, is both of those things put into one.
Nothing happens between you two, but the urge to press your own lips against his lingers after you leave in a taxi, not brave enough to ride a bike under the influence.
You try to stay in touch after Copenhagen, messaging Carmen on his empty Facebook profile, sending a text once in a while, mainly at Christmas, and when you have some terrible junk food, just to make fun of him. When he FaceTimes you, he’s in Paris, and you’re in Dublin. The next time, he’s in California.
He rarely ever answers messages on the phone. Usually, it's an emoji, sometimes a word or two. Soon, there are no answers, and you can't be bothered. You carry on with your life in Chicago, and it doesn’t take long before you start seeing Carmen Berzatto in the paper, on the internet. The young prodigy chef, everyone says. Reluctantly, you read the articles, thinking about the Copenhagen Carmen, smiling at his photos. He's grown up, filled out. His hair is curlier, his shoulders wider, his biceps stronger. He looks good. Good and sad, you think to yourself, and decide not to text him to congratulate him on his star career. Carmen is not one to care about what you think of it.
It's only when you hear from Becky that Mikey Berzatto has died, that you think of Carmen properly, after years full of work in the magazine office, one shitty almost-boyfriend, and summers spent in Europe, writing about sustainable travel and solo adventures. Becky says that he's inherited a restaurant from Michael. You decide against sending him condolences—too personal.
But about ten months later, there's whispering that a fancy restaurant, The Bear, is replacing The Beef of Chicagoland, and it's actually your boss who tells you that you should go check the place out.
You are not into that whole haute cuisine thing, to be honest. You never understood those tiny little portions and strange ingredients and their combinations. You prefer good pasta with Bolognese sauce or roasted chicken with mashed potatoes. Sometimes you wonder if Carmen's strange relationship with his family is what's keeping him away from his Italian roots and forcing him to work in pristine, starched whites in sterile kitchens, cooking intestines and antlers, making it art.
---
Becky gives you Natalie Berzatto’s phone number to get in touch with her to try to schedule an interview for the magazine feature. Your boss, Rob, hopes that Carmen could even make it to the cover soon when The Bear takes off. You’re not sure how you feel about bypassing Carmen completely and going straight to his sister.
So one Thursday, in early May, you decide to walk there, unannounced. You corner the building, passing a big glass window, and before you make it to the main entrance, you nearly collide with a very wonky wooden stepladder. With Carmen Berzatto on top of it, fiddling with a screwdriver or a similar tool, and a signboard.
The second you make contact with the ancient stepladder, Carmen shouts, "Fuck!"
“Sorry,” you yelp, and one glance at the man high up confirms that you are indeed dealing with the Chef himself.
“Could you watch out?” he says angrily as he makes his way down, measuring every step carefully.
“I’m sorry,” you apologize again, waiting anxiously for Carmen to—hopefully—recognize you. To anyone walking by, you must look like an idiot, standing still in the middle of the sidewalk, waiting motionless and stiff for a guy to climb down a ladder.
You don’t know what you had been expecting but definitely not Carmen staring at you with his huge, bloodshot eyes for seconds that feel like minutes. You nearly turn around and walk away, no joke.
He looks—
“You look—” you start. Terrible. But also, like, gorgeous. Terribly tired but hot. Is it awful of you to think that?
“Hi,” Carmen says, one hand going into the big mess of his hair, the other one into his pants pocket. He's avoiding your eyes, which makes you even more nervous, makes you think it was not such a great idea to come here.
“Hi!” you say, probably overly enthusiastically. “You're back in Chicago,” is the first thing you can think of.
He nods. “Yeah, yeah.”
“Well, congrats on the new place,” you say, gesturing to the building behind him, newspaper covering the windows. “I'm really sorry, I thought it was already open,” you explain, tugging on the hem of your lilac sweatshirt nervously. Can he tell you’re lying? “Becky mentioned something about it.”
“No, we’re opening next week,” Carmen says, holding a cigarette between his fingers.
“I'm really curious,” you smile carefully, testing the waters, wondering how he's going to react. You haven't seen each other in more than five years, and Carmen's never been exactly friendly. Not like mean, but definitely not easily approachable. “I work for this magazine, and we would love to do a feature on this,” you say, leaving out that it's you who would be writing it. Who wants to write it. Not only about the place but about Carmen, the enigma, the quiet boy, the excellent chef.
He only nods, clearly not sharing your enthusiasm. “Maybe later,” he taps the cigarette against the palm of his other hand. “When we're ready for this kind of thing.”
“Of course,” you agree quickly.
“Might be a while.”
“So what is the big plan?”
Carmen looks at you, measuring you. Like he thinks you have some ulterior motive. He lights up the cigarette, taking a long drag from it, and you fight not to scrunch your nose in disgust. The older you get, the more you hate the smell. Especially when someone is blowing out the smoke aimlessly—almost—in your face.
“My partner—Sydney, she’s hung up on the stars. So I guess a fine dining kinda place,” Carmen says, flicking the cigarette butt in the general direction of the gutter. The second sentence comes out more like a question than a statement, but you are still processing the first one.
“You run a business with your girlfriend?” you swear you don’t mean it to sound so accusing.
Carmen takes a step back, physically—bumping into the stepladder behind him—and mentally, too. “No! She—Sydney’s my business partner.” The defensive tone tells you exactly how your words sounded though. You wince. “We’ve been working on the new concept together with Nat, and the whole crew, actually. It’s—it’s a family business, I guess—uhm. We had only like three months to finish, and—”
You can see he’s really flustered. He’s starting to stutter, hand nervously scratching his neck. You hate the sight, hate that you’ve made him feel like this.
“I’m sorry!” you interrupt him. “It came out all wrong. I shouldn’t have said that,” you say urgently, hoping to see him relax back to his non-caring, nonchalant, tired-looking self. How could you mess up so quickly? Is that your special ability or a curse?
“‘s fine,” Carmen says, and he does relax a bit, shoulders dropping an inch. He doesn’t look friendly though. Or in the mood for a chat. “I just—she’s a business partner,” he repeats obstinately, face red.
The moment grows awkward. In your coat pocket, you touch a pack of chewing gum and start fiddling with it. “I—my office is nearby so I thought I could come around and see the progress,” you say into the void, trying not to cringe too much. “Maybe I would take a few colleagues for dinner.”
“The reservations aren't open yet,” Carmen says in a flat voice. You can’t call him out because it’s probably true anyway. Plus, you just lied again—the offices are not close; you had taken the L—and you feel bad about it.
There’s not much left to say, you realize. He’s not giving you any space to turn this “accidental” meeting into a proper conversation. You shuffle your feet nervously, feeling stupid.
“Alright. It was nice seeing you!” you say, as it’s about time to end this. “Hope everything’s gonna work out great!” you add in a cheerful tone, already setting to walk back to the station.
“Yeah. Thanks. Bye.” Carmen says back, lighting a second cigarette.
What a nightmare, you think as you walk through the busy streets.
In the following weeks, you almost forget about The Bear. Rob complains about the nonexistent article on the new, already hyped-up restaurant and wasted opportunities, but what can you do? The not-at-all-accidental meeting with Carmen had been a disaster you actively try to erase from your mind. Working on your regular column and material for the website keeps you busy. Then Becky calls out of nowhere, and you two arrange lunch at The Marq. You end up swapping hilarious stories from the last two months you hadn’t seen each other, and you secretly pray she doesn’t ask about Natalie Berzatto or her brother. You're out of luck, because she does—of course she does—and you have to lay the cards on the table.
“You did contact Nat first though?” is the first thing Becky asks.
“I didn’t,” you shake your head. “I didn’t want to exclude Carmen right at the very beginning,” you admit.
“Oh god,” Becky rolls her eyes at you, taking a small bite of her salmon cake sandwich.
“I knooow,” you quickly stop her, feeling like ordering something stronger than the simple soda you’ve been drinking.
“I think you should still call Natalie,” Becky says, pointing at you with a determined frown. “I went to see her and her new baby just last week. She asked about you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” she nods. “Apparently they could really use some help getting the word out about The Bear. A good excuse to talk Carmen into an interview maybe? An exclusive one?” She wiggles her eyebrows, knowing how cool it would be for you to come up with this.
“Maybe,” you muse, playing it cool. Inside, you are already hyped up about the possibility of scoring the first interview with the former best chef in the world. Is he still good at all? Why did he disappear? Why is he back?
The anxiety of the following days forces you to actually text Natalie. You’ve been checking online websites and Instagram accounts apprehensively, worried that a medium might publish something about The Bear before you get a chance. Rob isn’t a dick, but you wouldn’t want to look incompetent in his eyes. So far, you’ve been able to steer away from conversations about the new Carmen Berzatto restaurant at work. Your work ethic makes it difficult for you to let The Bear go without a fight.
That’s how you find yourself in front of Natalie’s door. When she opens it, she doesn’t hide her fervor.
“Oh, finally! Hi! Please come in.” She ushers you inside. You’ve never seen her in person, only on Becky’s Instagram, maybe, and even though the exhaustion is apparent on the woman’s face, you can spot the similarities with Carmen in her features right away.
From the dark hallway, she leads you to the sitting room. When you look around, it’s hard to find a clutter-free space. Every surface is covered with baby clothes, baby diapers, baby wipes—clean and dirty—bottles—full and empty.
“Sorry for the mess,” Natalie appears next to you, snatching away a baby muslin from the sofa. “Have a seat, please,” she nods. “The baby’s asleep. Hopefully for the next—” and she checks her watch, “another twenty minutes.”
As you sit down, Natalie collapses into an armchair, not minding what appears to be a pile of freshly washed newborn onesies and other clothes underneath her.
“Thank you so much for stopping by,” she says sincerely, and you notice the many stains on her purple t-shirt.
You smile. “No problem.”
“Becky said that you know stuff about Instagram and social media and marketing and all that?” Natalie’s eyes are wide and hopeful.
“I would say so,” you nod.
“I’m not sure what Becky mentioned already,” Natalie says as she starts pulling the baby clothes from under her and folding them absentmindedly. That definitely says something about the state she’s in, without Becky describing the situation to you—not only with The Bear but also Nat herself. “Carmy’s putting so much into the restaurant—we all are—so much hope,” she babbles, “none of us have slept properly in weeks—months! And now the baby...” Natalie’s gaze becomes unfocused for a moment before she blinks rapidly. “The timing’s not so great,” she forces out a weak laugh, and you smile again, already feeling bad for her, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.
“I understand. It’s hard,” you empathize, feeling genuinely bad—not for The Bear—but for Natalie.
“I’m not a marketing guru, but I can research things,” she carries on, more confident now. “But I can’t be there all the time, y’know? It’s just not possible. If—if someone could help with keeping the place afloat and spreading the word—” she stops talking and folding, looking directly at you. “That would be just so awesome,” she finishes quietly, her bottom lip wobbling.
You know that Nat’s not trying to emotionally blackmail you, even though the situation kinda feels like it, and you do feel for her.
“I can help, yes.”
“I’ll talk to Carm and Sydney, and we’ll figure out how much we can offer you!” The relief and excitement are apparent in the way Nat jumps up from the armchair.
“That’s alright, really,” you say calmly, putting a hand on her arm now that she’s closer. “We can discuss this later,” and you give her another encouraging smile.
The unmistakable sound of a baby crying comes from somewhere in the house. Poor Natalie freezes, her hand going to touch her chest. She takes a deep, steadying breath.
“Thank you. Thank you,” and she takes a hold of your hand, squeezing it. “I’ll tell Sydney to get in touch with you—or you can actually just go to the restaurant; they know about you.”
That makes you slightly uncertain as you remember your first attempt at an unannounced visit to The Bear.
“Alright,” you nod with a polite smile. After all, you’re getting something out of this too.
Sydney texts you exactly 22 minutes after you leave worn-out Natalie and her baby behind and invites you to come to The Bear the next day. To make yourself appear more untouchable, you reply that the soonest you’re available is next Monday. Make them wait.
It gets you on edge, though, and more than once you think of Carmen in his tiny Copenhagen kitchen, how things used to be. How easy it is to grow apart. Not that you’d been friends exactly. Hard to be anything like that with a person as closed off as Carmen Berzatto.
On the agreed Monday, you dare to finish early at work and take the train to The Bear. Your stomach is in knots, even though you’ve been pretty brave about the whole thing. It’s just—you’re not sure how Carmen’s gonna react when he sees you, and you’re already thinking about the worst possible scenarios. Just stop! you tell yourself resolutely, forcing yourself to concentrate on the simple but well-thought-out marketing plan you prepared to present. Without being asked. If Carmen sees that you actually KNOW things, he might change his opinion about you. Not that you KNOW his opinion, but—maybe he would actually acknowledge you finally.
It’s just after the family meal when you arrive. A tall man who introduces himself as Richie lets you in instantly, and he’s clearly been informed about your arrivall. As soon as Sydney is notified of your presence, she rushes to you from the kitchen in the back, wiping her hands on her apron. You notice right away that she’s friendly and calm, and it relaxes your nerves. There’s no doubt she loves the restaurant and her job, and you see that she worries as much as Natalie does, or even more.
“We’re opening in two hours, so it’s a bit wild in the back, but maybe you wanna see the kitchen?” Sydney offers as she’s showing you around the newly restored restaurant, opening the heavy door. “A quick peek,” she adds as a loud cracking noise comes out of the exact door.
You’ve been to a couple of kitchens, and you must say that this one’s definitely on the chaotic side of the scale. People in white aprons run here and there, no one’s still, not even for a second. There’s a good amount of shouting and a huge amount of swearing. In the middle of everything, there’s Chef Carmen Berzatto. He looks like a character from Cartoon Network. His wild hair is sticking out in all directions, dark tattoos covering his arms and hands, face sweaty, eyes ready to pop out of his head. He’s shorter than most people you see circling the kitchen, but the loudest one. He shouts orders, and you notice the vein on the side of his neck—it sure is ready to burst. You wonder how far he is from having a heart attack.
“Or maybe next time,” Sydney mutters, gently pushing you out of the way and shutting the door again. She leads you to one of the brown wooden tables where you settle again.
“Is he always like that?” you ask Sydney, actually glad that you’re not in the room where the storm’s currently happening.
“Only when he’s stressed,” Sydney explains shortly, an apologetic smile on her lips.
When it comes to money, it’s obvious The Bear doesn’t have much to spare, that much is clear. Sydney is extremely apologetic and sweet about it.
“There’s a marketing budget—previously non-existent—that we’ve set aside and can offer. It’s just not much, I’m afraid,” she tells you, jittery.
You want to reassure her, to tell her that you're doing it for Carmen, for an old "friend." But from what you've gathered, Sydney doesn't even know that Carmen knows you.
So you just smile and reassure her anyway. "I'll put it on my resume. I can use more cases with social media for hospitality," you lie.
Nodding, Sydney clarifies, "Yes, just Instagram. Please. Carmy doesn't want to put anything in the press. Yet."
When a curious Richie joins you at the table, you present the Instagram plan to both of them. Even though Richie can't help making a few rather stupid remarks that only he finds funny, they both listen carefully. You see a lot of skepticism on Richie's face, probably because he doesn't understand some of the big words, you guess, but Sydney seems to be really into everything from pictures of the food and the weekly specials, to quick reels showing potential customers a little bit of behind-the-scenes action.
"Oh, I'm sure Cousin will be thrilled to have people sticking their noses into his business," Richie says, and you're not sure how serious he is. But Sydney shushes him, and you carry on, showing her the mock-up of the possible Instagram feed to set the mood for the profile.
For the next three weeks, you go to The Bear twice a week to gather some content—photos and videos. You talk to the crew and film those who are okay with it. Your presence is met with mixed emotions, but Sydney's gratitude and kindness make up for every suspicious glare and exasperated sigh when you find yourself in someone's way. Besides the restaurant, you take your neighbor's dog for a long walk every Saturday morning, call your mom and dad to check in, scroll Instagram instead of finally starting an actual book, and often wonder why Carmen is so hostile towards you.
Generally, you try not to hang out in the kitchen directly, especially not when Chef Carmen is present. Being uncomfortable in a new environment makes you positively anxious, causing you to go through a whole pack of your favorite cinnamon Simply Gums a day.
You also remember to always tie your hair up—not that the staff there wear hairnets or anything, but you don't want Carmen to find another reason to frown at you. He's been basically only frowning or ignoring you. Hard to tell which one is worse.
You always clean your hands super thoroughly, like during COVID, singing the "Happy Birthday" song to time it before daring to even stick your finger in the restaurant. Sydney offers you an apron to protect your work clothes, which you refuse. You sense from some people there that you're not entirely welcome.
But the more you avoid Carmen, the more likely you are to bump into him. You know Murphy's Law. So one morning, he just appears from around the corner, carrying a tray of mushrooms.
For a second, you're actually horrified that he's going to introduce himself. Before that can happen, you blurt out, "Uh—do you remember me? Copenhagen?"
Carmen stops and looks at you, wiping his wet hands on the towel attached to the string of his white apron. "Yeah," he confirms, "yeah, I do." He says your name, all soft and correct, along with your surname, and with his eyes fixed on you, you're frozen to the spot, affected whether you like it or not. Then he leaves to taste Tina's roasted peppers.
Obviously, your mind can't let the episode slip away. As you type copy for the upcoming Instagram posts, you pause every so often to cringe at how embarrassing you behaved. Of course, he remembers you, for fuck's sake! You're working in his restaurant—kinda.
"Hey! Copenhagen! You wanna see this?" Carmen yells a bit later from the other side of the kitchen, and you falter, deciding whether you're really going to answer to him calling you that.
You bite your tongue and trail hesitantly to the station where Carmen is with Tina and Ebraheim, gathered around a saucepan.
"Tina, chef, this is excellent. Well done," Carmen says to her as you approach, then turns to you.
"This is what we wanna share with the world. Perfect red pepper sauce. Simple but delicious."
"Okay," you respond, taking in the expectant way all three of them are looking at you. Like you're some kind of magician. Or a fraud.
"Just," Carmen adds before he sets off, "no recipes leave this kitchen," and he waits for you to confirm.
"Right."
Slowly, you start to question why you're helping The Bear. Is it because two years ago you thought of Carmen and what you might have felt for him? What could have been? More than the chef himself, you find yourself growing fond of the place and the employees—some of them! Seeing the Instagram followers number increase fills you with pride and satisfaction. Fuck Carmen.
---
Mornings are usually the only time when Carmen isn’t around, and you try to time your visits so your paths don’t cross.
Wanting to snap photos of the new tableware and make a quick, fun video reel, you head into the kitchen. There's no one around—Sweeps is probably hiding somewhere, and Sydney might be in the office. Not wanting to bother anyone, you set your always-heavy handbag on a chair and start looking for everything you need. There's no reason for you to feel like you're sneaking around, but you can't help feeling nervous. That’s when your clumsiness strikes, and you manage to knock over a glass of water. Rolling your eyes, you get on your hands and knees to wipe the spilled water with a rug that you hope is meant for cleaning, as you’re very aware of every item having its particular function here.
You straighten up and stretch to get one more plate from the shelf. Then you lose your footing on the still-wet tiles. Your foot slips, and the top plate falls to the countertop with a loud cracking noise. You react quickly, trying to break the fall, but there's no use. The plate shatters to pieces.
Of course, it’s Carmen himself who emerges from the door leading to the office, and you wince—both physically and mentally—preparing yourself for a very unpleasant collision.
“What’s going on?” he asks as he approaches you, eyebrows pinched. He’s not wearing his chef whites, just a simple white t-shirt and dark jeans.
“Sorry, I—” you start apologizing as Carmen stands next to you, assessing the damage.
“What—what’re you doing here?” he asks in a very flat voice, staring at the pieces of ceramic.
“I’m sorry, I’m going to tidy this and also pay for the plate, obviously,” you ramble, reaching down for the shards.
“Don’t,” Carmy barks, stopping you by grabbing your shaking hands in his. His hands are big, the tattoos making them look harsh and crude, even though the touch is gentle. “Don’t cut yourself,” he adds quietly, holding you until you relax your arms and then a second longer.
He must sense your nervousness. “It’s fine, I’ll get it,” Carmen assures you, catching your eye. “Hey,” he lays a soft hand on your arm, “step away, I’ll clean this.”
Nodding, you step back and wait patiently, disconcerted, watching as Carmen carefully handles and discards the shards, then checks the floor for any tiny fragments. He turns back to you.
“Are you okay?” he checks.
“Yeah.” And you’re more thrown off balance by having Carmen pay attention to you, all of a sudden, than by damaging the kitchen’s equipment.
He studies you for a moment, his face unreadable, and you’re the one to look away first. Which you hate, by the way.
“You wanna see some stuff I’ve been working on?”
“Sure,” you agree, taking a deep breath to relax further. “I’m sorry. The loud noise—” you wave your hand in the air vaguely, rolling your eyes at yourself. “Just scared the shit out of me, I guess,” you finish with an apologetic smile.
“You’re alright,” Carmen confirms and disappears for a bit. In the meantime, you have a small meltdown, shaking your head at yourself for being so, so very terribly lame. Luckily, before he returns with a tray of different dishes, you pull yourself together.
Carmen sets the tray down, revealing an array of colorful and sophisticated meals that instantly catch your curiosity.
“Any allergies?” he asks.
“Passion fruit—easily avoidable. Sometimes kiwi,” you list. “And grumpy chefs,” you add cheekily, feeling bold.
Carmen pauses. “I’m not grumpy. I’m focused.”
“You weren’t like this in Copenhagen,” you say softly, leaning a bit closer to him, your body language signaling that once you had been comfortable around each other.
“I’m more focused now,” Carmen retorts, stubborn and maybe a bit offended. “Back then I—uhm—I felt comfortable around you. It was easy.”
“And now?” you almost whisper.
But Carmen ignores the question, pushing the first bowl closer to you. “Here, taste this… or take a picture and then taste it.”
And you understand that the re-bonding is over.
---
Soon, you drop the habit of visiting the restaurant only in the mornings. One reason is that spending time with Carmen, talking to him or watching him cook and explain things, makes you late for work twice in a row. That usually never happens as you take pride in being on time at the office. You don’t work at The Bear for money, but you hardly think about it that way. When you decide to pop in during the morning, Carmen shares his deadly strong black coffee that he mills himself with you. It’s bitter but heavenly. Secretly, you like drinking it while chewing your favorite cinnamon gum, which somehow makes the taste even better—smoother and richer.
The second reason—you discover that Carmen is much calmer in the evenings after service. Less jittery, more relaxed. His blood flows slower, you think. His heart pumps with more ease. Sydney and he share thoughts and plans for the restaurant with you while you all sit at an empty table. It’s nice, you think, while watching Carmen’s hands play with a napkin. His hands are especially nice.
It’s Saturday and raining as you find yourself sitting in Gordon Ramsay's Burger. Nothing could’ve surprised you more than Carmen asking you to go out eat together. Had he felt bad for ignoring you at the beginning? You’re watching the rivers of raindrops on the big glass window, waiting for Carmen. As usual, you’re ten minutes early, and after you order a Life’s a Beach, the first thing on your mind is you're just early, he didn't stand you up, and then: this is not a date, babe! Which instantly startles you into sitting up straight and looking around, as if someone could see your embarrassing thoughts. Why are you even thinking about this?? Then Carmen arrives, wet patches on his shoulders and jeans that cling to his thighs. He chooses the Chicago hot dog and three different burgers with a bunch of sides. While he only nibbles on them and writes down notes on his phone, you feel bad for wasting the food and eat more than you should. Carmen studies the buns very carefully and asks you a lot of questions about the food, some of which you find amusing and actually—endearing. When you go to bed that night, your belly’s uncomfortably full. You dream that you’re pregnant and about to go into labor, and you’re pretty sure that Carmen’s the father. And, honestly, do you need a book of dreams to explain the meaning? Fuck.
---
All goes to hell next week when Carmen sees you eating a sandwich from the corner shop down the street. Instead of having your regular lunch with Becky, you’ve chosen to run to The Bear so you could see Marcus unveil his new dessert. But before that, you popped into the nearby deli to order a mozzarella and sundried tomato sandwich. No one at The Bear had ever explicitly invited you to the family meal, and you would never dare to have free food there. But the way Carmen looks at you while you sit on the step by the back exit, eating the rather dry sandwich, is indescribable. The stern look on his face is back, with a closed-off facade. His eyes are cold. Before you take it all in, you wave at him awkwardly, chewing. Carmen retreats back inside wordlessly, leaving you confused and a little hurt.
Unfortunately, the atmosphere surrounding you doesn’t improve when you return to work, the stupid sandwich sitting in your stomach like a heavy stone. You have a big argument in the meeting room while planning the next month's issue. Then one of your co-workers makes a nasty remark about your single life. The afternoon drags on painfully slowly, which forces you to message your cousin—an astrologist extraordinaire—to check what the heck is going on with the universe.
Tuesday morning is rough. The second you wake up, you know you’ve overslept because you never get up without the alarm ringing angrily. A single glance at your phone proves it to be true. Right after, you notice three missed calls from Sydney and two from Nat. There are no text messages, though.
At first, you intend to call Rob to beg for a home office day, something you rarely ever use. But as soon as you check your calendar, you’re reminded of the big conference happening from 11 a.m. until 5 p.m. You rush to work, finishing your makeup on the train, then enter the office building to quickly run through notes with your colleagues. The first time you have a chance to make a quick phone call is when you finally go to the bathroom. It’s Natalie who you manage to reach first, as the lunch rush at The Bear is just unfolding. Over the cries of Natalie’s baby, you hear half-sentences about a recipe, Carmen, and a leak. It’s hard to put it all together. At 4 p.m., Nat finally sends you a text. It says: “Recipe’s published in Taste of Home. Carm’s mad. Says someone leaked it.”
It contains a link to the Taste of Home website, with Carmen’s perfect Berkswell Pudding recipe in the Top Recipes of the Week, marked “Chef’s tip.” You check it again to make sure, and surely—it’s one of the dishes Carmen introduced to you just last week. You didn’t dare to photograph it, much less taste it. You remember concentrating on the way his lips moved when he explained the preparation process, not much on the cooking itself.
What’s clear to you is that the "Someone" from Nat’s message is actually you.
A gloomy dread settles in your stomach as the meeting goes on and on. You barely pay attention, which makes everything even worse. You’re scared of what’s happened in the restaurant, and you’re worried that you’re going to miss something important in the meeting.
When you run for a second quick bathroom break, instead of peeing, you think of your next step. You could try to call everyone in the restaurant, try to find out what the hell is going on. But you don’t want to be seen as hysterical. You check Instagram and possible messages to find traces of a catastrophe. There’s nothing. Again, you open the website with the recipe. The photos are pretty sloppy, definitely not something Carmen would prepare. As you check the ingredients, you notice there are some major differences from Carmen’s dish. All in all, the only thing that stops you from texting Carmen is your pride. And true fear.
Absolutely dreading facing Carmen, you make it to The Bear during dinner time. Which, obviously, is the worst possible timing. You’re only praying that he’s not in the kitchen but hiding in his office, deep in paperwork.
It’s Sydney who you meet first as you sneak into the restaurant through the back door. She grabs your arm.
“Don’t go to talk to him now! He’s in a really, really bad mood. Natalie and I were trying to call you.” There’s genuine worry on Sydney’s face, her eyes big and honest.
“I don’t understand what happened,” you frown. You can feel a headache approaching from the intense day in the office. “I think he should tell me himself if there’s a problem.”
“I’ve been trying to work it out with him, to explain—”
“Explain what?” you question, more sternly than you usually are around Syd.
She falters. “It’s just this stupid thing—and we love having you—don’t let Carmy upset you,” Sydney half-explains. It doesn’t make much sense, and you shake your head, heading to the office. You’re more mad than afraid now.
You don’t wait for an invite after you knock shortly. Closing the door behind you, you find Carmen leaning against the desk, a bottle of water in his hand.
Everything inside of you drops the second he lays his eyes on you. There’s no doubt he’s angry.
“Didn’t Natalie tell you you don’t have to come here again?” Carmen asks curtly. “I’m surprised you think it’s okay to be here.”
Not expecting Carmen to be this harsh from the beginning, you swallow instead of answering.
“I hope that you’re happy now,” he says meanly, putting the bottle down on the desk.
“I don’t—I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you croak out, sincerely meaning it.
Carmen straightens up, watching you like a feline. “The recipe. It’s out. One fucking thing I asked not to get out, and now the whole of America can see and fucking even cook it at home.”
You’re frozen to the spot. From the very beginning, you knew that Carmen is not a person to mess with, hoping that you would never experience his anger directed at you. Now it’s happening.
You want to say something about no one being able to cook the way he does, but it’s pointless. Instead, you’re fighting off the flush on your face from embarrassment. You feel like a child being scolded, but you don’t want to look like one.
The muted but still loud kitchen noises bleed through the closed door. A shout, clattering. Not loud enough to stop Carmen from piercing you through and through with his ice-cold eyes.
“I promise I didn’t do anything like that,” you say, desperately wanting the chef to believe you. “I swear!”
Carmen pinches the bridge of his nose, one hand propped on his waist. You wait, breathless, for his next move, scared to death. The shirt you have on is wet with your sweat. The really badly smelling kind—the one your body produces when you’re stressed or scared. And you’ve been stressed since the very morning. You flinch when you move your arm and the odor hits your nose, hoping that Carmen can’t smell you. You would be mortified. The strap of your tote bag is digging into your shoulder painfully, but you don’t dare to move to put it down to relieve your arm.
“This all doesn’t—it doesn’t make any sense,” Carmen starts pacing, looking down at the floor and not at you anymore. You’re not sure if it’s better this way. “You come here, wanna do a fucking interview with me, or some shit, then you show up again—this time wanting to work here. For free! So, please, tell me—how does it sound, huh?”
Petrified, you realize how exactly it all sounds. When Carmen says it like this, it makes you look like a fraud. Like a terrible, terrible person. A liar. Your mind goes weeks back, back to the moment you actually thought of maybe digging some scoop in here, maybe convincing Carmen to do the interview after all. But it’s far from how he’s making the situation sound.
“Carmen,” you start without knowing what you want to say. Carmen’s stopped walking around the tiny office like a caged animal, and he’s again looking at you. There’s so much tension in his face, back hunched. “It sounds bad, but may I explain—”
“You may not,” he cuts you off briskly. His neck—normally a place you find sexy—is all red, and the thick vein there is getting more and more prominent by the second. “No one fucks with my business, you understand?” Oh—and he’s shouting now.
The natural defense, you didn’t know existed, is to make yourself smaller. Somehow, anyhow. You hang your head, avoiding looking at his face. You just can’t meet his eyes, even though Carmen’s bowing and tilting his head to force you to.
“It’s like I have to start asking the staff to sign an NDA,” he carries on.
Carmen’s getting slowly closer and closer to you, pushing you against the wall by the door. He’s not touching you but only because you’re not allowing it. You’re sick with humiliation. Lost for words, probably for the first time in your life.
“—and Nat fucking leaves me here—us, all of us—and that’s just not fair. I would expect so, so much more from my sister. Not that my brother was much better,” he chuckles humorlessly, but you see it’s more like an effort to catch his breath. “Lousy fuckers… Do you think you do your job well here, chef?”
He’s scaring you now. The hair by his temples and above his forehead is damp, and his gesticulation is wild and weird.
“Do we disgust you here, is that right, hm?” Carmen probably finally sees your frightened expression because he adds, “Why would you buy food somewhere else and then come here to eat it?!” You understand that he’s referring to the day he saw you eating the sandwich by the rear exit. Unsure whether he expects you to reply, you decide to stay quiet. Your knees are starting to shake, from exhaustion after the long day and perhaps, from Carmen’s current behavior.
“It made ME sick,” he says, his face just inches from yours when one of his hands slams into the thin wall right next to your head. The noise echoes in the room, and you’re desperately hoping it’s not loud enough for the others to hear from outside. You would die on the spot if they knew what’s going on here.
“Who do you think you are?” Carmen shouts some more, loud, by your ear. It vibrates through you and never stops. You’re shivering all over, you notice. It’s not okay, not okay!
At last, you raise your head, chin jutting out. “No one’s going to talk to me like this. No one,” you spit out in the chef’s face, taking him by surprise. “Don’t you ever shout at me again,” and you jab him right in the middle of his chest, instead of punching him there like he deserves.
When you’re leaving his office and rushing to the back exit, you hear Carmen yelling.
Everything feels tense and your hands are shaking. Your jaw is set so hard your teeth could crush from the pressure. The fresh air hits your face, and you focus on breathing deeply through your nose. The sounds remind you of a steam engine. You walk for about a minute, mind blank with the shock. Only when you turn a corner do you allow yourself to stop, which causes the first tears to fall. You’re so mad at yourself. Why the fuck are you crying?! There’s so much frustration in the crazy mixture of emotions you’re feeling. You’re completely overwhelmed with it, not knowing what to focus on at first.
Out of habit, you look for your phone in your handbag to check the screen. The fucking heavy bag that’s been killing your shoulder. Frustrated, you let it slide off your arm and down to the sidewalk. You don’t even care if it breaks, as it lands with a noisy, dull sound. It had been years since you got properly yelled at, and you’re angry that it affects you this much. You promise yourself to take a few seconds here, in the middle of an empty street, then call a cab. At home, you can cry.
PART II
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