#why is that not valid???

[sicklyseraphnsuch]

Egbert and Lalonde

John and Rose shared a very sweet relationship at the start of Homestuck and honestly, I feel that both John and Rose share a similar trajectory after the game ended.

Both felt shackled in the aftermath. Rose's classpect has done more to stifle the "rebellious" girl who sought to write her own quest, than anything else. But of course, any woman carving her own path in the world is considered "rebellious" when she's just doing her thing. And after the game, Rose feels beholden to the "Narrative"/Fortune as she Sees it, and doesn't seek a path that she cannot See.

And we all know how John fell apart.

In Candy, they actually made similar paths as well. John married Roxy, Rose married Kanaya. They had wedded bliss. But at some point, they just started going through the motions - which is INFINITELY more interesting to me than wedded bliss. John and Roxy eventually divorced but Rose didn't. Again, this is part of her Seeing a path and feeling chained to it. Kanaya even asks in BC: "when did you stop trying?"

Both John and Rose (either in Candy or Meat) suffer from an intense loneliness. To quote the show Kaos, "There's no loneliness quite like that with someone you're falling out of love with. Especially when that person doesn't know it yet." And I suspect that's what happened to Rose. Whereas John in Candy eventually divorces Roxy (though how in love he was is actually unclear). And John in Meat has sex with a Terezi that fell in love with his Candy version, and was also dying, so how much of his love is true and strong is also dubious.

This depression makes sense, and I'm not mad at all about the way Hussie wrote this (TBH). But I am also hyper invested in how this all shakes out. I think Hussie made a bold decision in writing truly pathetic characters who made awful decisions. Because to me now, the End feels like a Beginning all over again.

(I also am okay with Jane becoming the Bad Mom/Worst Villain, bc we need more of those and honestly, her being a Good Mom would also be death of her character however More palatable that would be to the fandom. At least this character "death" is fucking interesting. I support women's wrongs. Go get 'em.)

(And honestly the way I feel like the narrative should wrap up is by making the End as the Middle instead. But thats my writerly preference)

So, I think... Rose and Kanaya should probably break up. Kanaya doesn't deserve the bullshit Rose put her through and if Rose is falling out of love, they both deserve to be honest about it. This is Rose "breaking the game" all over again, and by that I mean Rose "breaking the Happy Ending norms that society likes to enforce on the populace". Sometimes, divorce IS what leads to the Good Ending. Sometimes, love ISNT forever. I am delighted by this sincerely.

But the story shouldnt end with the divorce (thats too normal!!!). Lets be weird. Anyways, Rose owes herself the Truth. I hope the story kickstarts both her and Kanaya's stories again and maybe... Maybe they'll hate each other and they'll end up as kismesis bc Kanaya is wasted in Flush romances gurl I know you can tear a body in two. And uh... well... let's fade to black here. Heehee.

As for John... I actually really love June as his next development. But here's my thing. I dont believe John is one of the people "who always knew they were going to transition". I dont buy that the only "valid transperson" is someone who knew from a young age that they were "trans". I know people who were Cis* for a good chunk of their life and through a confluence of events realize hey... That cis* isnt working for them anymore. (*for a given definition of cis)

I think John follows this trajectory. Dont even get me started on people who think that devaluing ANY transition bc "oh you were traumatized so youre only transitioning out of trauma". First of all, those people would devalue ALL transitions at the drop of a hat. Hey, newsflash, your past experiences in fact inform your present realities. And hey, sometimes, that means a cis*boy decides that instead of doing a piroutte into death, a better and more hopeful change maybe in becoming a woman.

I dont think John becoming June will magically remove her depression. I think June needs some prozac on top of the girlpill. But you know... It feels like a breath of fresh air for June to Become something new. Because John deserves to rest, and June deserves a chance to scratch and bite her way into a new life. I looooove June as a way of Egbert forging an identity thats not part of the game anymore. It honestly feels narratively perfect to me. She's still going to be depressed and traumatized but she's relearning how to be.

Tl;Dr I think Rose Lalonde and J. Egbert should Become Something New. Maybe that means Rose dates different people and maybe that means John grows into June.

[idolomantises]

I think one of the more unfortunate consequences to creators being more interactive with fans is that a lot of fans/fandoms normalized this idea that creators have to explain/validate every headcanon they have.

[blueboyluca]

“When I first heard it, from a dog trainer who knew her behavioral science, it was a stunning moment. I remember where I was standing, what block of Brooklyn’s streets. It was like holding a piece of polished obsidian in the hand, feeling its weight and irreducibility. And its fathomless blackness. Punishment is reinforcing to the punisher. Of course. It fit the science, and it also fit the hidden memories stored in a deeply buried, rusty lockbox inside me. The people who walked down the street arbitrarily compressing their dogs’ tracheas, to which the poor beasts could only submit in uncomprehending misery; the parents who slapped their crying toddlers for the crime of being tired or hungry: These were not aberrantly malevolent villains. They were not doing what they did because they thought it was right, or even because it worked very well. They were simply caught in the same feedback loop in which all behavior is made. Their spasms of delivering small torments relieved their frustration and gave the impression of momentum toward a solution. Most potently, it immediately stopped the behavior. No matter that the effect probably won’t last: the reinforcer—the silence or the cessation of the annoyance—was exquisitely timed. Now. Boy does that feel good.”

— Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)

[egophiliac]

WAIT when did he get FANGS

[aimasup]

silly scribbles

he had to think a while on that one

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Why self-diagnosed autistics are valid

medical diagnosis can be expensive

humans are the experts on their own minds

family may prevent assessment

diagnosis criteria is a poor checklist of stereotypes

diagnosis criteria ignores gender, race, sexuality, culture & more

medical diagnosis confirms autism, but doesn't create it

discrimination within the medical profession may prevent diagnosis.

Assessment waiting lists often long

medical trauma may make assessment unfeasible

Neurodiverse Journeys

[thriftdyke]

it really does bother me how no one can seem to answer the question “what even is romantic attraction, really.” like some people are like “it’s who you wanna kiss and cuddle <3” and I’m like ok well kisses and cuddles can be either sexual or platonic depending on context. “It’s who you feel passion/desire/arousal for” well that just sounds like sexual attraction which you can have without even knowing somebody so I fail to see how that’s romantic. “It’s who you want to go on dates with” I go on dates with friends all the time plus “date” is a social construct anyway there’s really no innate difference between a date and hanging out. “it’s who you have deep feelings for” great news for you that can be literally any type of relationship. my friend told me she defined it as “who you wanna give roses to” and I’m like do u hear urself??? like the more I talk to people the more I’m convinced romance and romantic attraction is an elaborate socially fabricated illusion that has no real defining characteristics. and like there’s nothing Wrong with it being a constuct but why people are so attached to defending the supremacy of it is something I cannot for the life of me figure out

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[drenched-in-sunlight]

i love the DLC man

[peachsukii]

A faint knock on the front door of your apartment echos through the hallway and to your bedroom, but you don’t bother to get up. They’ll think you’re not here and leave eventually. The lights are off and don’t give off any indication that you’re home.

They knock again, this time a little firmer.

You roll over in bed, tucking your head under the covers to block out the sound. Suddenly, the click of the lock and door creaking open fill the air - he’s here.

“Peach?” Bakugo calls from the living room, feet pattering anxiously around your apartment in search of you. “You here?”

It kills you not to answer him, but there’s no way in hell you want him to see you like this, disheveled and miserable. Maybe if you stay still, you can trick him into thinking you’re not hiding away from the world and aren’t home.

“Ya haven’t answered my calls in three days,” he says aloud as his footsteps approach your bedroom. “Your girlfriends, too. Called ‘em this mornin’ looking for you.”

You’re busted, there’s no running from Katsuki Bakugo. He’s not stupid or naive. Why did you think you could hide from him?

Bakugo lets out a sigh of relief when he sees your body under the covers in the dark. Carefully, he makes his way to your bed and sits on the edge.

“There you are,” he says quietly, nowhere near his normal volume. There’s no bite to his words, only genuine concern. “You okay, sweetheart?”

Ha - no. Not in the slightest.

The blanket shifts a bit when you curl further into yourself. Bakugo reaches for the hem of the comforter, tugging it off of you in one motion. That’s when it sinks in and he understands the situation, maybe a little too well.

“I get it. Y’don’t wanna be seen as weak,” he speaks, both reflectively and to you. “But bein’ down doesn’t mean you’re weak, you’re human, peaches. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with being sad.”

“You didn’t have to come,” you muffle into the pillow, hiding your face from him. “I’ll be fine.”

“Never said you wouldn’t be. Doesn’t mean I can’t be here or worry about your ass.”

Let him in, he obviously wants to help. Just…let him in. Why’s it so hard?

“I don’t…” you trail off, unable to tell him you don’t need his help. Finally, you sit up to face him, hair tangled over your shoulders and t-shirt drooping from your collarbone. “I don’t want to scare you away.”

Bakugo laughs. “Scare me? Gonna have to try a lot harder than that. What kinda hero would I be if I let ya rot away in bed?” He scoops you into his arms and squeezes you firmly. “Let me take care of you when you’re not feelin’ up to it.”

[demigods-posts]

no but imagine percy who inherited his mom's beachwave brown, shoulder length hair as a kid. and all of his classmates and teachers thinking he's a girl and referring to him as such. and he doesn't correct them because he thinks it means they find him pretty. and he likes feeling pretty like his mom. then gabe makes him cut his hair in the second grade. and finds he likes the short hair and feeling handsome too. but he also really misses feeling pretty sometimes. and it isn't until after gabe mysteriously dissapears that he grows it out again and reconciles switching between both.

[knightingale]

The "Sansa reminds Sandor of his sister" motive that some people try to hitch to his character really just flies in the face of his actual attachments to her, doesn't it? Sansa reminds Sandor of himself. He sees the little boy who used to love knights in this girl who's been swept up by the same romanticism. He sees his abuser in her abusers, the much larger knight(s) beating on the helpless child. He sees how she is betrayed by every level of authority that should have saved her and remembers his father's neglect and Tywin and Robert's apathy for Gregor's crimes. He's protective of Sansa because he was Sansa.

And GRRM's design, that one of the strongest warriors in the series, a fearsome and cynical 6'8" guy who's "muscled like a bull" and has the face of death itself, sees himself in this soft and effeminate teen girl, and empathizes with her because he was an abuse victim too, is INFINITELY more compelling than "Oh yeah I bet she just reminds him of his sister," who he's never mentioned and who we know literally nothing about. Way to unnecessarily water down a character, you couldn't have ignored the black and white text more efficiently if you tried.

[the-agent-of-blight]

also, i really find it interesting how people can genuinely go about saying "Well this group isn't attacked for their identity so they can't be queer " while then turning around and. attacking said group. for their identity. and exemplifying classic __-phobic tropes. It's really dumb. You are being the thing that you claim does not exist

[buggachat]

Sometimes I think about how Adrien, throughout the series, constantly grapples with his fear of abandonment. Gabriel conditioned him to believe that any love he receives is purely transactional, and that to earn affection he has to prove his utility. Adrien is constantly trying to prove his worth to his father for scraps of affection, and Chat Noir infamously crumbles on-screen any time he feels as though he is replaceable to Ladybug. It's a constant insecurity of his, like everyone will just dump him like a sack of potatoes the moment they find out how useless he is.

Meanwhile, all Marinette wants to is ensure that Adrien is happy. Because she loves him. She doesn't give two shits about how """useful""" he is. She holds him and tells him that she will never abandon him (both as Ladynoir and as Adrienette), and her fantasies are about saving him, not about him being "useful" to her. Throughout their relationship, Adrien is forced to disappoint Marinette constantly for reasons outside of his control (amok commands), and yet Marinette is still there for him.

At Adrien's lowest point, when he is forcibly torn away from everyone who had ever showed him genuine care, locked away in an all-white room and at his most "useless", right after disappointing Marinette and unable to even join the final battle or contribute in any way, she still saves him. She still loves him. Because he doesn't have to prove anything to her. Because he is loved and cherished for who he is, not for what he does, and that love is not conditional. Adrien's "happy ending" at the end of the first arc wasn't about him finally proving how useful he can be, because he never actually cared about being useful — he just saw it as the only means to feel loved and needed. Instead, in the end, he found out that he was loved and needed no matter what.

[stuckinapril]

guys does it not scare you that romance is actually dead like even at my age i don’t see anyone else having those whirlwind romances and just having fun w it. it all feels so trite & transactional