#why is sem 2 always so stressful

[melancholyofautvmn]

kurmer is soooo stressful... like why are you making me, a literal child (and i still feel 13 after the pandemic), have to have my entire plans for the future decided in just a few months :(( idek how to decide what to eat at the school cafeteria....

[starry-bi-sky]

Clone^2 Damian

If you really think about, Damian's situation in the clone^2 au is... kinda tragic? Especially in the early months of his arrival. Like,,, think about it. Damian has always known he was a clone of Damian Wayne, that he was a copy of the blood son. There was nothing 'original' about him, not even his name (of which at least Danny has that). He was just... a replacement. A disposable one, to boot.

And he knew that, to an extent, by the time he was six years old. he might not have been actively acknowledging it -- he's six years old -- but deep down he knew. And like, he's six years old. Every small child craves the love and affection of an adult, especially their parents, and even though he knew he was clone, I imagine he still considered - and still does consider, somewhat - Talia and Bruce as his mother and father. And I really doubt he was... getting it?

Now, I know Talia loves Damian, her son. At least in some interpretations she does, and in this au she does. But... a clone of her son? I'm not so certain if she would have the same affection for baby Dames as she would for Damian. I don't think she would treat him badly, but I don't think Talia would treat him warmly either. Kinda just, distant. Colder than she would have been with OG Damian.

And, I know I've mentioned Damian's arrival from Danny's point of view, and its kind of comical kind of insane from his perspective -- a little boy clone of Damian Wayne falls through a portal and immediately attacks him. That sounds like a bad joke.

But, if you think of this from Damian's point of view? It's like he just got dropped into a scary movie. Like, think about it. You're six years old, and suddenly a portal, as green and as swirling as your grandfather's pools, opens up beneath your feet and sucks you through.

After an intense bout of vertigo, you end up in a massive, urban city -- completely different from the rural mountain palace that you lived in for the last six years of your life, and in this city, you don't know any of the language. You don't know what anyone is saying, you can't read any of the signs - you are completely stranded, away from home.

And then, to make things worse, you're facing a figure with a terrifying mask and eyes as burning green as the portal you fell through. Of course Damian's first instinct, six years old, is to attack. He's terrified.

And this figure, he's not a good fighter, but he's fast, and he dodges you quickly. He grabs your sword with his hands, and tries to restrain you, saying something in a language you don't know. Naturally, Damian is just scared. He's six! He'd just be learning how to read if he was normal child going to school.

This figure halfway through the fight yanks off his mask -- he realizes you're scared -- and looking at you now, is a youthful version of your father. This is a clone of your dad, someone you have never met but, six years old, still wants to. Damian gets defensive. This is an imposter.

But this imposter eventually gets you home with him - and he's using his little box, his phone, to communicate with you through a mechanical voice speaking in arabic. and it's frustrating. The boy, the imposter, can say whatever to you just fine, but trying to talk back is a hassle and a half. He's six, he doesn't have that much patience.

He wants to go home.

And so he keeps trying to run away. He keeps trying to find out of this hellish concrete jungle, and he keeps getting lost. It's loud, and busy, and there are people talking to you and you don't understand them, and there are rules and signs you don't understand - Damian tries to cross the street and nearly gets hit by a car. He doesn't know how the road signs work, he was never taught. They didn't get to that.

And he gets lost. And it gets dark, and Damian is brave, but he is six, and this is the worst stress he's been under in all his six years of life. He wants, desperately more than anything, to go home. Why wouldn't he? The only stable... semi-stable environment he was in just got ripped out from under his feet, literally! He wants his mother.

And it's not happening.

But there's something good to be said, at least. The imposter that looks like his father always comes and finds him, no matter what. He could have left that morning, and he will find Damian at midnight, frazzled and worried, and carrying an extra jacket with him because it is cold in Amity Park and Damian is six years old.

And sometimes Damian attacks him - he's scared and stressed and he doesn't want to be here. And every time he catches the sword. Even though Damian can see it cut into his hand and pearls of blood well up and stains his fingers. Even though Damian can see him wince in pain and bite his lip, he still catches it.

But with that little box, he coaxes Damian to come back with him. It's cold, it's dark, Amity Park is unsafe at night. They can figure something out tomorrow, please. And every time, he agrees, reluctantly. And the imposter takes the extra jacket he brought with -- a flannel, a hoodie, a jacket -- and he wraps it around him. It's warm, Damian's clothes are not that thick, and even though he thinks he might hate this imposter, he still sticks close to his legs as he leads him down the street.

And sometimes the imposter carries him, because Damian's shoes are not that thick, and he cuts his foot on broken glass while they're walking home. The imposter sits in the bathroom with him and carefully cleans the cut out, and makes sure it doesn't get infected.

There's hope you know, he still has it. His mother will be looking for him. She'll be worried. He's important to them. Damian may not be the original, but he is still a blood son. He is still her son. She will come find him. This nightmare will end soon. He can go home.

And then weeks pass, and nothing. Then months, and nothing. His family is not coming for him, and it hurts. Hurts more than anything. And yet while that happens, the boy he's attacked, and hurt, teaches himself arabic in order to speak to him. He takes Damian out of the house one afternoon and buys him new clothes, or tries to. And then he keeps buying him new clothes. He gives him blankets and gives up his bed to him until they can get him one himself, and steadily he teaches Damian english.

This boy is kind. Kinder than Damian's ever experienced, and he doesn't know what to do with it. He's devastated by the fact that he is not as important to his family as his family is to him. What do you do when you're six years old and you learn something like that? When a random stranger who looks like your father is kinder to you, and cares more about you than your family did?

And then Damian tells him he's a clone. He's Damian Wayne's clone, and he tells him his purpose - that their grandfather made him to kill him. And the boy, the imposter, Damian thinks he probably already knows that he's a clone. But he doesn't say that. He just nods, and asks him if he wants to tell his original about him.

Damian says no. He doesn't want to. He's tired of living in the shadow of his original. He wants to keep this to himself. This is his. For once, all of this is his.

And to his surprise, the imposter doesn't try and convince him otherwise. He just nods, and says okay. And when Damian asks why, the imposter - his brother - looks at him and says.

"I don't care about Damian Wayne. I care about you." And in Damian's gobsmacked silence, his brother continues. He tells him that if Damian doesn't want to tell his original that he exists, then they don't need to. They don't need to worry about the LoA going after him, because clearly if his 'grandfather' needs to make a clone of Damian in order to take him out, then whatever it was that Damian Wayne was doing to keep himself safe, was working.

"Wayne already has people in his corner, he's got Gotham's army of vigilantes to keep himself safe." his brother says with his eyes as blue as moonlight. "You, however. Do not." And he continues, and says that if Damian Wayne has the same training as Damian does, then he will be fine. He doesn't need to be aware of his clone. Because if DW doesn't know about Damian, then the LoA doesn't either.

And here's the thing. Damian would not have survived in the LoA for long. Not as a clone. No matter what, he was going to die no matter what he did, and sooner rather than later. The sword of Damocles was always hanging above his head in the League of Assassins.

That portal, and meeting Danny, saved his life. There's no way around it. And to an extent Damian knows this even at six years old. He may not be aware that he would've died, but he knows that meeting Danny was the best thing to happen to him.

It's no wonder after that, that Damian is as clingy to Danny as he is. Danny is the first person he's met to offer him unconditional love, with no strings attached, only pure affection.

[cultleaderyoongi]

oKAY I KNOWWWW its been OHHH SO LONG BUT HIE🥺🥺 im niika and i hope u havent forgotten me kjdsk🥺🥺🥺JASMIN MY FAV BLOGGER HOW ARE U MY FREN🥰🥰

life been hectic lately BUTTTT my sem gon get over in 2 weeks and imma read all ya stories and all then sksksk IM EXCITED <3

aLSO YOONGI HAS BEEN DRIVING ME SO CRAZY LIKE THE MAN HE IS OH GOD hes amazing kjsdhjd<3 whats ur fav song on the album? mine has to be haegum (girl the way he says haegum ISTG🥵), people pt 2 for a bunch of rzns, snooze and life goes on wooo

fav liquor? tEQUILA (u remember that song tequila that i saw u listening to on spotify and then i went crazy over ur music taste and all sksks)

imagine if we get to meet at a yoongi/bts concert some day WOW LOL

anyways itll be really sad if u cant remember me but itsokay ofc.. but if u do remember me HSJKSJ HEEHEE

(btw im forever and a day's biggest fan if that jocks ur memory ehehhe)

love you take care <3

w love, niika💕

OMG NIIKA HI!! It's been ages! Of course I remember you! Why would I forget about you? I missed you, girly 🥺 So happy to hear from you. Hope life's treating you well despite all the stress (go get that education, girl 💪🏼) ik it's been a fricking roller coaster for me for sure, but there will be better days as well.

My man's been F E E D I N G us recently, ik 🥵 I love love LOVE the album sm, it's hard for me to pick favorites, but I gotta say I'm a sucker for the hard bangers a.k.a. Haegeum, HUH?! and D-Day. Also Amygdala and Snooze 💔

Tequila is such a tune still. You can always hit me up for more music recommendations lol yk I always got some new stuff up my sleeve.

Imagine us at a concert together. How iconic would that be?! I'd love that 🥰 We'd have so much fun like are you kidding?!

And listen, Forever And A Day is basically your story at this point lmao it's your hubby after all 💖

Always take care and again, I'm so happy to hear from you 💫💕

[heybinnie]

.

[dojae-huh]

Wired interview

Gotta love Mark and his "search us up!", heh

0:34 - Mark is so proud to bring k-pop to the whole world, he always stresses it with both NCT and Super M

1:03 - Doyoung specified that 127's fandom is NCTzens 127, but turned to Johnny, so this comment is more of an inside joke. The acknowledgement of the unit-stans war. Doyoung, being the host for many Dream shows and getting the hate from dreamzens often, knows it well.

1:20 - Doyoung won't pass an opportunity to say he is the reall boss, but the way everyone was laughing about it, he really nagged them about stuff this comeback a lot, it seems. Food support for fans, song set lists, etc.

1:26 - Jaehyun seldom turned his head back during the interview, but he had to know what JohnDo were laughing about.

1:24 - Taeyong didn't see that Doyoung raised his hand, so the ended up saying the same thing. Haechan already pointed him out as the leader, so he was continuing the answer with a rebuttal.

Tae's fans in the comments on YT think Tae belittles himself, but he takes his leader role seriously, he is in his 7th year, the initial worries are in the past. He simply wants to bring attention to Do's work.

1:42 - Tae was really touched, why did you have to retreive your statement, Taeil?... heh, poor Tyong

1:53 - Doyoung and his fake reactions, lol

"(Let's) Do-young" seems popular among neos. (the play of words with English "to do").

2:00 - Mark really isn't Jaehyun's soulmate anymore. In the past Hyuk wouldn't be in the picture even sitting near. And Jae didn't pick Yuta as well, he had motivation to make Hyuk pleased.

2:14 - Notice that Woo and Taeil both said "Yuta-a!", and they didn't react to everything happening. As I said, the 4 make the second group.

2:20 - Doyoung usually names Jungwoo as his bias. He shifted to Tae either because it was a day to pumper him, or because it was the introduction of the group and he wanted to stress that Tae is the leader. I think the latter, as otherwise Do interacted with Johnny more. 2:25 - Mark was genuinely surprised at the choice (DoTae generally keep to Tom&Jerry bickering).

2:30 - Doyoung clearly said "leader", but Jaehyun "misheard" it as "little". Pity, they cut the scene, I'd like to see it whole, how Tae reacted.

2:50 - Well, Mark is going nowhere. "Destiny" was Do's words in the past. Johnny's reactio wasn't too enthusiastic.

3:30 - Tae's jab at American interviewers. Sorry, Tae, but that's how I call you as well.... en-si-tee-sto-dvadzat'-sem' instead of en-si-tee-odeen-dva-sem'... in all these years I couldn't fix it, the first number just runs off the tongue easier.

3:56 - Doyoung knows only Korean memes.

4:54 - Uncharacteristic of Doyoung to mess up like this. He and Hyuk usually know the order of things the best. Maybe it's because Superhuman promotion was in May and June, and Regular in August-September. So he was confused with seasons. Even JaeDo starting dating didn't serve as the milestone to correct the order, heh. I guess in Do's head Jaehyun in the role of the boyfriend is just a constant now with no start and end.

I don't believe Hyuk missed Kick It, so it's the editor who was unattentive. Same with cutting Hyuk and Woo's answers about their biases.

I always wonder how Mark has such fluent English considering he moved to Korea when he was like 10. From whom he picked up "right here on the spot" and other set phrases? Did he go to an International middle school? Or did he talk to his older brother, who stayed in Canada, often? No K-dramas, only NA channels at home?

[oshicakes]

their s/o breakingdown because of school works.

pairings. kuroo tetsurou x reader, kita shinsuke x reader, terushima yuuji x reader

genre. fluff

warnings. cussing, stressed s/o, breaking down.

a/n. i can relate to this. online class ain't that good and my majors are bitching me. i just wanna simp in peace. anyway, please take good care of yourselves, its important to have a rest. love you all.

Kuroo Tetsurou

kuroo embraced you tighter, kissing your hair and inhaling your scent. kuroo missed holding you close, its been months since the last time you saw each other because of the pandemic.

you're sitting on his lap while doing your school works. you just let him do this since you miss him too. but for now, you need to pass this sem.

kuroo didn't realize that he fell asleep while hugging you.

he woke up beause he felt that someone is shaking him.

he looked at the clock and its 2AM.

that's when he found out that you're crying. he panicked but you need him so he calmed himself down before changing your position into facing him. each leg on his side.

"what's wrong, babe? did something happen? did i hugged you too much? i'm sorry, babe." he rubbing your back that made you snuggle onto him more.

you cling on his nape and buried you face onto his neck. he embrace you more then rubbed your back.

"i don't know what to do anymore. it's not even decreasing, they just keep on adding and adding!" that made you cry even harder.

he don't know what to do or even to say, he just hugged you tight and caress your back and head. he'll also kiss your head.

he may not know it but just being there for you is already enough to you. you needed someone to lean on in times like this. someone who could hold you.

"i know that you can do this. i believe in you, love. you've been so strong for holding still and moving forward despite the hardship. im proud of you for that. just always remeber that ill be here for you." that made you smile.

"thank you for being here tetsurou."

"boyfriend duties. now tell me who's that professor that's giving you a hard time, huh? let me face him." you slapped his shoulder in a gently way. he faked an aww that made you giggle.

"let's rest, please. i promise ill wake you up early and ill help you too with all that i got."

you nodded. he carried you to your bed and lied down beside you. "you did a great job today, love." he chimed. he trailed kisses from you forehead, temple, cheeks, jaw to your neck.

after that both of you slept. it was the most peaceful sleep you had since the online class began.

Kita Shinsuke

it's already 8 in the evening, when your mom phoned him, asking if he can do something about you. you weren't going out in your room and it's been 2 days!

and when he came into your room, he saw you, crying. puffy eyes, red nose with messy hair.

he immediately gave you a tight but comforting hug.

"shush now, baby. im here. can you tell me what happened?"

"it's all pilling up. i've been doing it all day but after i pass some couple of assignments, another assignments will be added! and then quizzes after quizzes! it's like my brain's gonna explode!" you cried harder while he embrace you tighter.

"breathe in, breathe out, baby." he cleared your face by tucking some hair behind your ears, so you can breathe properly.

he carried you to your bed and lied down with you and pulled you close to him. he keep caressing your back. and when you calmed down he finally felt relieved.

he held your chin to make you look up to him. you instantly felt your cheeks burn. you tried to hide your face but he promptly held your face using his hands.

"don't look at me. im a mess, i look like a shit."

"i don't think so. now let me see my baby."

you heaved a sigh and let him look at your face. he warmly smiled at you. "you still look beautiful." his light touches on your cheeks comforts you.

"don't do that again, please. we're all worried about you."

"im sorry, i didn't realize that im making you all worried. it's really hard for me to get a hang with this set up." your eyes started to water and he immediately notice it.

"i know i'm sorry. don't pressure yourself too much, we're all adjusting to this kind of set up. thats why if you needed help or someone you can lean on, im always here. just tell me what to do and ill gladly do it. yes, studying is important but don't neglect yourself with some rest and food."

"im sorry, i promise i won't do that again."

"im sorry too for scolding you just now. i almost had an heart attack seeing you in that state. it must have been hard for you, keeping all your emotions to yourself. now that im here you can rest for a bit. recharge then we'll fight for our dreams again, together." the silence between the two of you was cut of by the sound of your growling stomach.

you felt your cheeks reddened while he just laugh at it. "i bought your favorite food. let me just grab it downstairs."

Terushima Yuuji

he's been very patient with you, he understand that you need to focus on your study. but, he noticed that you've been in front of your laptop for too long. you eat infront of it and you almost brought your laptop when you peed.

another thing he noticed about you is the dark circles under your eyes. you've been staying up late just to finish your assignments, projects and reviewing for quizzes and the nearing midterms.

he can't take it anymore. you look so pale. so he swing your chair to face him. you were taken back by that, you almost knock your laptop.

"yuuji! not now please, i have so many things to do."

"but you look so tired, babe. look at your eyes. just take 30 minutes nap." he squueze your face using his both hands.

"yuuji! i told you i can't sleep! i need to pass this shit before 11PM."

"just a 30 minutes nap, babe. 30 minutes and i'll wake you up." he bargained with you.

at the end, you gave in. he pinky promise to wake you up when it's 30 minutes.

you abruptly woke up when you felt the light coming from the window hit your face.

"no, no, no! it's already morning! noo!"

"good mor- why are you crying, babe?"

"yuuji! i thought it's a 30 minute nap? it's already morning! i- that was for my major." you're now panicking. you remember how strict your prof is in that subject. you just sobbed on your hands thinking about failing that subject. your almost wailing like a child.

you heard him sighed. he removed your hand in your face and lifted your chin. he gently wipe your tears and keep the strands of your hair to the back of your ear.

"i finished it last night. it might not be the best answers but i tried my best answering them." you looked at him, shocked with what he did.

"im sorry, i just can't wake you up last night when you're in deep slumber. it's been a month since you have a good sleep." you're left with no words to say. infact it made you tear up more.

"hey, no, please don't cry. im sorry. i won't do it again." he panicked.

"thank you, yuuji." you hugged him. he heave a deep breathe. he felt relieved when you said that.

"you know that i can't take it when i see you having a hard time. ill always make sure to help you in anyways that i can, i promise that. just don't do this again." you nodded and kissed his lips.

"let's eat our brunch then ill help you."

[skepticalarrie]

Eu acho essas teorias de novo bbg ou casamento elounor/holivia bem radicais. Realmente nn vejo necessidade de alguma coisa do tipo agora mas talvez eu só tenha esperança de não acontecer um 2015 parte 2.

tenho esperança no bua mas também nn vejo o porque aparecer agr.

Eu concordo, anon. As pessoas são meio catastróficas, sempre esperando o extremo do pior. É horrível ter as expectativas lá em cima porque vc se decepciona muito fácil, mas o outro extremo também é horrível. Foca aqui na realidade agora e é isto. Eu outro babygate é bem fora da realidade pra mim, não tem muita conexão com nada do que tá rolando, então pra que alimentar isso. Eu sei que a gente não tem um histórico de coisas boas acontecerem kkkk mas não precisa ir pro extremo toda hora também, porque eu acho que dá um senso de desespero no coletivo sem necessidade nenhuma sabe. Meia dúzia de pessoas colocam uma idea na cabeça baseada em nada e decidem surtar com isso e fazer um problema de todo mundo. Porra se acalma aí sabe, que estresse. Eu acho que Elounor vai ficar do jeito que está ainda por um bom tempo e Holivia é difícil de entender o objetivo final, tem muita coisa envolvida que a gente nem faz ideia.

----

Anon said: I find these theories of a new bbg or elounor/holivia engagement quite radical. I really don't see the need for anything like that right now but I just hope we don’t have 2015 all over again. I’m hopeful for a BUA but I also don’t see why it would happen right now.

I agree, anon. People have this catastrophic way of thinking, always expecting the worst case scenario. It’s not good to always have high expectations of something, because you will certainly get disappointed, but the opposite it’s also quite damaging. IMO other babygate sounds very unlikely at this point, I don’t see any connection and why this may happen, so why keep feeding it. I know we don't have a history of good things happening lmao but you don't need to go so extreme all the time, it gives this collective feeling of so much stress. And in reality, it was just like 10 people freaking out about it based on nothing and making everyone’s problem. Calm your tits, people. I don’t see any changes with Elounor anytime soon, either. And it’s so hard to actually fully understand the final goal with Holivia, there’s so much involved and so much happening bts we have no idea of.

[frncsjnglgttb]

Autobiography of Long Lost Girl

My name is Frances Jean Golgat Tabo. Everyone used to call me in my nickname "Kikay" and this makes me annoyed. I was born here in Cavite at Mama's Center at August 11,2004, Wednesday evening. I am a fifth child of my parents and the first girl in the family. My mom said I was so looking bubbly when I was born, that I have a hairy body and a thick black hair. Growing with my four brothers is so happy and fun, they always tell me that I was so lucky in everything because I was the only girl. However, my feeling of being favourite did not took too long after my mom and dad had another boy and a girl. Yes, were two and there I feel I'm not special anymore. Our family is so happy we never experienced being short of money not until that they had another childs. My mom and that had another child and now we were 11 siblings. Living with 10 sibling isn't that fun, there we would fight for toys,foods and attention. Living with a big family is so hard, specially in talks of money. My father is an technician Aircon and Refrigeration technician, his salary never been enough to provide our needs and that is why we were stuck with a debt.

Living in such a big family as I said is Isn't easy. There I have to walk all along home to school and vice versa which before my dad always take me to school and home. I was in grade school at grade four when I start feeling hatred for my family and everyone. There is such an event that I couldn't forget. My life became miserable and my studies has interrupted. I was on my grade five and my friends at that time is at their high school grade 9. I was so embarrassed of my self, I always used to blame those people around me for what just happened to me. Despite of feeling of being embarrassed I still choose to finish my studies. I went on ALS this 2021 and it is not easy. Pandemic had happened and everything had change. Studying all alone is isn't easy for me but with the help self dedication I passed. Now I am in my Senior High School at Gov. Juanito Remulla SHS an Humms student 11th grade. This year makes my breakdown and and my stress grow. I had to function every day to answer my modules so that I will have free time for my self.

Doing arts is one of my favorite hobbies. Almost everyday I do Art and I earn money from it. Doing it makes me so happy not until I do a Portrait of one of my brothers friend and he did not pay me. I feel like my Arts is not that good to be paid, I feel like I was never been good. I stopped making drawing up till now and it is I think almost 11 months. And there I found my new Hobby which is riding a bike. I always rides a bike every 1-2 hours. But now I Stopped it in order to focus on my study well. My grades is constantly lay-lowing and this is my fault. I always sleep late at night around 2-3 and wake up in 9 o'clock. I start being unproductive again because I cant find happiness anymore. My favorite things to do is now like a bubbles that later on will be gone too.

This second sem for me is so stressing than my first sem. My to-do list and missings is so numerous. Time management is a must this time that is why I'm doing my best to make save my time. Time management is hard as there is always a distraction like social medias, games and etc. But still I choose to stopped those distractions for I am not a child anymore that will play every time I want. I have to learn for my past, I should not let anger and distractions break my life. Being good to my self is my main goal. Glowing my mindset and heart is quite hard but still I'm trying too.

[snickiebear]

Hi bby! 1, 2, 3, 6, 16, 27, 29, 33, 35! 🖤

mittens!!! loml!!

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

oh goodness... um, i’d say a 4?? yeah, that sounds about right, only because i often make so many tense mistakes and even when i edit there’s always something to fix. and just,,, im still learning a lot (aren’t we all). plus, sometimes the stuff i put out needs so much more work (see: my recent shisaku fic... i want to tear it up and put it back together.. ugh.. also wt&r, just everything)

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

OH GOODIE! i just... well, i wrote a lot when i was twelve-fourteenish, then kind of on and off through the years. never really had anything to ground me and get me to take writing seriously. and then i found naruto and sakura who has so much unused potential and it just made me so angry to see her treated that way. 

point being, the naruto fandom (more specifically the sakura fandom) rooted me down and allowed me be able to grow as a writer even though i’ve only been posting since january my writing style has changed so much, and i can physically feel myself becoming a better writer. 

plus, i just love it. the thrill of being able to use these characters and pairings and do what i want with them?? i drink it up, i love it!!! its so freeing and such a great way to really dig deep within writing itself. 

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

i think its just the way i word things, you and a lot of others call it poetry but meh i just call it fancy words or word vomit from my brain AHAHHAHA

also, my thing is God Killers, God Eaters, and Angry Wrathful Women at this point, so maybe thats another thing?

but honestly,,, i have no clue... you’d have to ask my lovely readers, im so thankful for them 😭

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

plot probably. this changes often though. usually when i have an idea, the rest comes to mind and i jot it down and come back and change things and stuff, so thats usually pretty easy tbh... at least for now LMAO

and inner dialogue, inner struggles, showing the entire internal thing. its fun writing that angsty part of a story, the small insights into a character’s mind, how miserable and alone they feel. or, perhaps how happy they are, overjoyed and at peace. 

OH AND WORLD BUILDING. i pride myself so much on my world building. i honestly think thats one of the better things im good at! just weaving small details into the text, and subtly building a world within your mind, oh i love it so much!!!!

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

mmmm nothing really comes to mind? men simping for women who could kick their ass? tho idk if thats really a guilty pleasure....am very fond of same age aus, sometimes mafia aus too... ummm,, yeah

(probably big dick tenzo tbh... and the fact that kakashi’s face is a legal weapon AHAHAHA,,, and broken, vunreble men. also, shattered, all consuming women.)

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

oh god... i cannot chose! you, ele, al, and hika leave the kindest comments, and literally any comment on the things i write just make me so so so so so HAPPY. i just them more than kudos tbh. 

but! one comment on the intimacy of being understood i always come back to. it was left by GuardianMars and they wrote that the fic was like a “love letter to the pairing.” and that well. i think about that comment all the time. 

there have been so many others comments that have utterly touched my heart and that i will go to read on terrible, horrible days and i value ALL comments. especially those who say “i’m rereading this again” or “i’ll read anything you put out” that just. there is something so intimate about that, that utter faith and loyalty that i do not know what to do with. 

its so touching and makes me truly believe in the good of the world. 

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

yes! i am attempting to get better at writing smut because ol&w is going to have some fucking in it so i experimented in that shisaku fic and just..... yeah idk man. idk... its something i do want to get better at cause, meh why not? and i want to write some good porn for my readers damnit! HAHAHA 

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

hmmm,,, probably that i stress so much and yet so little at the same time? allow me to elaborate! i stress so much about whether my writing is actually good or if people are just being nice LMAO and also posting, i get cold sweats and a thumping heart and yiKES

but also, i enjoy writing so its like “fuck you (jk ily guys) imma write what i wanna!”...do you see my issue? HAHAHA

also, im a planner. most of the time, and a lot of the details in my more serious fics (ol&w) are blink and miss details but they’re important and i LOVE foreshadowing!!!! like yes, i will vaguely mention something and itll simply come back with a vengeance! 

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

aaaaaa okokok thank you for this ask LMAO i just love talking about writing and rambling (as i often do,, im a long winded person, im very sorry)! 

but anyways! my summer semester just started up and i’m taking three purely online classes and the college im attending (im a dual enrollment student; meaning a high school and college kid,, taking advantage of the system!) fucked up my schedule so! im taking two TWELVE WEEK CLASSES that will end in AUGUST???? and then my fall sem starts five days later so... no summer break for nadia! yay...

writing will be very slow and updates will be too, which i am so sad and frustrated about because i’ve finally hit a paved road and now we’re driving into the forest! all bumps and bruises damnit! BUT worry not! i (as i said above, am i severe planner. every day has a plan, i am also an avid lover of lists also. i have lists for EVERYTHING) am working out a schedule so that i can get all my school shit done as soon as i can (while not failing) and write while hopefully not burning myself out.  

ol&w is such an intricate fic and im truly trying to give it the justice it deserves,,, im just hoping that my dear readers can bear with me HAHAHAHA there is honestly so much going on in that fic; shikamaru’s development, the underlying plot, the hate to love build up, the world building, and then laying down the foundations for the next fic (because yes, this is supposed to be a trilogy.. question is; will i be able to write it?) (answer: maybe. hopefully. i desperately want to but it might take some time.)

BUT ASLO i have so many oneshots i want to write! kisame week! kakashi week! kibasaku long fic! and not to mention my og work that i plan on rewriting and putting up on ao3 because a few people showed some interest. there is just so much to do and write and i am itching to do it all! but. well, but school, and the exhaustion of insomnia, and the weight of stress, sigh. 

shit sucks, it is what it is. but writing is like my safe haven and i just love pouring all myself into my fics and then baring my soul to you all and you take a peek and decide to keep looking. that is my favorite part of this little pocket of tumblr. 

this was not really... fic related? more like a dump of issues! so sorry about that AHAHAHAH 

anyways! thank you so much mittens! :)))))))))

pick my brain!

[kyemeruthie]

Jose Mari Chan is waving

We're almost at the tail end of 2021, which means early Christmas paandar here in the Philippines. Were the pandemic not an issue, EDSA would have been teeming with cars and pollution (not that it is now) because of the whole stretch of malls on sale. Something I'm slightly thankful for right now. Less noise, sure. But of course, we have the stealthy virus in our midst, so the silence is not at all reassuring.

***

We always talk about "good vibes" after every Sunday School. Usually, we exchange barbs and several recommendations for food or movies to try. We found it a habit to share the latest Foodpanda or Grabfood deals, the playlists we did, or the memes that made us laugh hard. It's a good practice really. It takes some of the load off the daily grind.

Two lessons were reiterated because of this good habit. One, we should always count our blessings. There's nothing more beautiful about being grateful for both the small and big stuff God gives us every moment of our waking life. It helps us appreciate the privilege we have and how we can use that advantage to help others who have lesser in life find relief. It is all the more important now that we continue to be experiencing this pandemic plus the inept government we have here. I cannot help but sometimes brush off the bad news just so there's less to worry about. But that again is a privilege afforded to me, something a lot of working class Filipino households do not have.

But second, we also have to see that sometimes there are no good vibes to think about. It veers us away from toxic positivity and it also shifts the focus of our faith from something that is transactional to something that is more hopeful and eternal. There definitely are good days ahead, but equally so or more often, bad days are upon us. If life were all good, we should be in heaven or we'd be floating heathens in nirvana. But life is both good and bad, rocky and smooth, and unfair. It humbles us to see the beauty in whatever circumstance we are in but it also puts in perspective the thoughts that are endlessly running through our minds. It grounds us to reality and makes us more human. And it should push us to do good to others and to always strive better.

***

By striving to be better, it does not mean we should be "productive" all the time. And by productive here we denote the capitalist view of efficiency and labor outputs. I am quite happy that we are gradually veering away from the view that everything is urgent and should be given attention. We can always choose-- a fundamental principle in economics-- and our choices have tradeoffs. But while we know this at the back of our minds, the pressure from society to always perform nags at us. Me oftentimes.

Or maybe because this is me coping too. I have a journal where every month I list down all the things I need to accomplish and every week I identify my priorities. There are weeks that are overwhelming and there are those that are free flowing. I complain during hectic weeks, especially if the tasks fall on weekends. I consider weekends sacred. And then I find myself wanting when the days are lean and slow. I cope by trying to find something "productive" to do. Before, I take on different side jobs and I am happy now that I have learned to say no even if the jobs have good pay. Hehe. Less of a slave to the capitalist system.

I still need to occupy my time blocks though. Reading is the best. But recently, I have taken to watching TV shows. I'm trying to rein these in just so I won't have a lot of screen time. Also, my eyes are suffering the brunt of this split screen life. I changed my lens to something that would block off more blue light.

This week, I managed to sleep by 9pm, which is way too good. Maybe the assignments and projects have yet to take its toll. I'm owning the weekends too, for the past two weeks. Again, good. And back to my daily habit of walking around the neighborhood. I will try to include 20-30 minute body stretches and a bit of workout during the morning. Hopefully, it works once the school stuff becomes busier.

***

The slumps I experienced last time, I reckon was me running on low battery. The sem was really tough. We had four-five subjects over the course of 10 weeks, at least 2-3 assignments per week, and then me internally panicking because of my financial dues. The delayed allowances finally took its toll for the past two months because by June the savings I had are close to the red mark. I still have some money left but I don't want to overuse it and be left without a fallback. I guess that's why I'm stressing. And then of course being unable to walk around and being stuck at home all the time because of the lockdown restrictions can rear its ugly head at one point.

Lacking on the prayer department can also make us weak. Me really. I'm doing morning devotions but most often, I do the "basic" prayer. Like thank you Lord for today, sorry for everything, guide me today, thanks, Amen. Something like that. Which is meh. I'm trying to get back, I hope to get back on track.

***

Cooking is also helping me cope. Knife slapping on the cutting board, doing that nice julienne, and stir frying stuff give me joy. Also, plating. Hahaha!

My biggest critics are my siblings. They are having fun trolling the dishes I serve. Good-natured fun. Me scoring foodie points recently against them are good vibes too.

***

I'm not sure if we can still fly to Aus. I hope for a miracle. Yes or no, I am grateful for the opportunity to study for free at a prestigious university. Also, the study leave is a wonderful time to recalibrate my priorities and make me think really hard about my commitments.

***

Can we not have Christmas songs this early, though?

[antialiasis]

Can you explain your Let It Go translation? Like, how is it different from the official one?

Mostly I’m just using phrasing that is 1) less awkward than the official version, because holy hell is that awkward, and 2) actually rhymes where the official version didn’t bother.

Take the translation of “The wind is howling like the swirling storm inside / Couldn’t keep it in, Heaven knows I tried”. The official Icelandic translation of this goes:

Vindurinn gnauðar eins og ólgan inni í mérGat ei byrgt það inni en ég reyndi samt

This means “The wind howls like the turbulence inside me / Could not keep it in but I still tried.” As a translation of the meaning of the original line it’s perfectly serviceable, but there are a few problems here.

One, there is nothing resembling a rhyme anymore - they just dropped it. Two, the stress of the first line is actually on the second syllable, but in Icelandic the stress should always be on the first syllable - you can bend this rule in songs, but “vindURinn gnauðar” does sound a little bit off. Third, “ei” is a word for “not” that’s barely ever used in regular speech - it’s archaic/poetic - but “en ég reyndi samt” sounds very modern and colloquial. That whole second line just reads awkward as hell.

Just using a word like ei here and there is absolutely fine in itself - this is a song, which is poetry, and ei appears in songs all the time! But this translation is just full of these sorts of archaic words or word forms right alongside colloquial, modern phrasing, and it just sounds demented. Similarly, a couple bits where the stresses don’t line up perfectly naturally are fine - but this translation has a lot of them, and it makes the overall thing sound super stilted and off. And of course dropping a rhyme or two isn’t a big deal either when it’s better for the overall flow, but half of the rhymes are dropped for no good reason. It’s kind of the sheer amount of kludgery that makes it so bad, rather than doing any of these things at all.

I turned this into:

Og vindur gnauðar eins og ólgan innra með.Missti stjórnina, hvernig gat það skeð?

The first line is pretty similar; I like the overall imagery and rhythm of it fine. I used “Og vindur...” (And wind...) because that’s a super simple way to fix the stress issue, and tweaked the end of the line for rhyming purposes by using “innra með” (within) over “inni í mér” (inside me).

The second line I rewrote entirely, because as noted above the original is just kind of hot garbage. My version translates to “Lost control, how could that happen?” Which is obviously less of a literal translation of the English line, but communicates the same thing (she was trying to maintain control but couldn’t).

It’s really all just stuff like that, pretty much. “And the fear that once controlled me” is officially rendered as “Og hræðslan sem hafði tökin”, which is like, “The fright that had the control”, which just sounds awkward and weirdly impersonal and is completely off rhythmically; I turned it into “Og óttinn sem bjó í mér”, which means “And the fear that lived inside me” which is way more natural phrasing and also works way better rhythmically (the og has to cover the first two unstressed notes of the original line, but that sounds okay, whereas the official translation has to squeeze an extra “sem” in there in the middle of the line).

Of course, the very worst line in the official translation is “Get ei lengur haldið í mér”, their translation of “Can’t hold it back anymore”. In addition to the gratuitous ei and the rhythm being wrong as usual, the phrase “halda í mér” is literally the phrase that you use for holding in pee and nothing else. By God, I do not understand how the translator could not see what they were doing there, or how using an “ei” right next to it is downright grotesque. When you’re talking about holding yourself back emotionally or whatever, it’s “halda aftur af mér”. I turned it into “Ég get ekki bælt hver ég er” (I can’t suppress who I am), which does unfortunately have an extra syllable in the equivalent of “anymore”, but sounds all right.

I’m not quite sure anymore why I was so determined to change “Kuldinn hann hefur ei háð mér neitt” (the cold has never held me back); it does use ei, but it sounds perfectly good there and would be fine if the rest of the translation weren’t so bad. My version, “Kuldinn var aldrei að angra mig” (the cold was never bothering me), is actually more literal. If I were doing this today I’d probably just keep the former, but they both work fine.

[catherinexxng]

for future imu students studying in unsw

Being a medical student is truly a privilege, but to be one studying abroad, is a truly satisfying and even more privileged experience, you get to be exposed to a different culture, and have your world views expanded, and some interesting stories to take home, at that ;) 

In being so, there are more steps to be taken being a twinning student compared to being in a local program. For example, you need to have a band 7.5 in your ielts and above to qualify for the twinning program. And your cert has to have a validity of 2 years until commencement of studies abroad, that means if your ielts expires 6 months before you’re to study abroad you’ll have to retake it :(  (thankfully in my case, my cert expired in August 2019, but I was still able to apply for my visa without having to retake it, my visa application counsellor helped me with it fuss-free; check below for info i.e. aecc global malaysia) 

I was initially in the undergraduate (PMS-UG) program but appealed a few months before I was supposed to start my UG studies in Dundee. I changed my mind because I can’t take the cold gloomy weather in North of Scotland. I will literally freeze to death and I love the sun too much, the way the heat and intensity strikes my skin giving that good ol loving Vit D. I knew Australia was my place. I wouldn’t last a year out North of Scotland. So I appealed to changed from the UG to G pathway. Plunging myself suddenly into the graduate program, came with a lot of confusion and uncertainty, and truly, a lot of doubts and was pretty scary. But thankfully I had my supportive family behind me. 

Tips before choosing your project: 

Choose wisely, choose one which interests you. Choose your supervisor well. Make sure you get along well with your supervisor and have one you truly are able to collaborate with and one who answers your doubts well and doesn’t ghost you, and who helps you along the way. Check for red flags when you meet them before you choose your project. I have had a friend in the same batch as me whose project was on biochemistry and nanoparticles and so he had 2 main supervisors, a bio and a chemistry supervisor. But his chemistry nanoparticle supervisor wasn’t there 90% of the time and didn’t check his dissertation before it was to be submitted, reason being he was busy. My friend had very little support and was extra stressed most of the time because of it. You don’t want this happening to you. And mind you, my friend’s project was really tough... coming from a medical background I felt as if he was doing scientist stuff. Totally incomprehensible. Choose a project which you are quite certain you’ll be able to present well later on in your research findings presentation and viva. Because you will do better if you feel like you understand your project at least to a certain degree. For me it was doing a project that had clinical value to it. 

Assessment components to note for Honours in your BMedScience degree to met the criteria to twin to unsw. 

1. Defence of research protocol (10%) 

2. Written examination (10%) 

3. Research findings in seminar (10%)

4. Dissertation (60%) 

5. Viva voce (10%) 

Components 1,3 and 5 are graded out of 10, therefore depending on your sem 3 and 5 results you can gauge how much you need to achieve in each component to make sure you meet the overall Honours result. 

The written examination paper has a total mark of 100 and are 10 questions with long-answer and short-answer questions and some are essay-style questions. As long as you master understanding the lectures in BMedSc you’ll be able to achieve flying colours. Always discuss with your lecturers your concerns before the paper, and you’ll definitely do better. 

In the Defence of research protocol component, you will basically be explaining to a panel of judges (10 or more) with a PowerPoint presentation, what your project is about and why it is of value and why you should research it. Introduction, Literature review and Methods are the bulk of your presentation. There’s Q&A at the end.

In the Research of findings in seminar component, you will be explaining, like above, in Powerpoint presentation style to a panel of 3 judges (might vary) about the results of your research. Methods, Results and Discussion are the bulk of your presentation. And there’s Q&A at the end. 

Your dissertation is a 20,000 word thesis on your project, follow all the guidelines in the BMedSc handbook.

In the viva-voce component, you’ll be talking about your dissertation with 2-3 examiners for 20 minutes and there will be Q&As.

It can all seem very challenging at first, but looking back in retrospect, I wonder why I put myself through so much anxiety with my daily struggles with all the presentations required in BMedScience and especially my negative mental self talk. If you can relate, I’m here to tell you, don’t fret it, maybe sweat some, but do what you’re supposed to do, and you’ll be a-okay! :) 

Class of Honours

First class: > 75.00%

Second class upper: 65.00% to 74.99%

Second class lower: 55.00% to 64.99%

Third class: 50.00% to 54.99%

Fail: < 50.00%

After completing research and getting your results, and achieving second upper class and above for honours, there are 3 main things on your checklist. 

1. Visa applications (online): this can take from 2 weeks and up to a month to process

2. Biometrics (immediate results and they upload it to your visa application, done at the YMCA building in KL)

3. Health check ups (done in Bangsar South and the results take about a week+ to show, and you’ll have to link these in your visa application) 

I sought the help of a visa application company for free, and you can do so too by messaging them on facebook at “AECC Global Malaysia” . The lady which helped me with my application was super sweet, her name is Ms Tan Mei Pei.   

The website for visa applications will be given via IMU. I started with visa applications on 2nd Jan with AECC’s help and was lucky to be able to finalise all of these within 2 weeks. 

By now you’d have received emails from UNSW about compliance check documents. These are health and police check documents needed to ensure you are not a health and security hazard in the clinical environment as you’ll be exposed to patients. The compliance check documents consists of certificate of good conduct from your home country (these take about a month to process so make sure you plan accordingly), vaccinations to Hep B, Diptheria, Pertussis and Tetanus, Varicella Zoster, and measles mumps rubella (MMR) and TB screening such as Interferon Gamma Release Assay (IGRA) or Tuberculin skin test are compulsory. These are independent of and separate from your visa health check. 

That is all. Good luck and all the best to you :) 

[lovecaitlined]

NCT 127 while you’re studying~ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

Wow, writing this while I’m studying, too! (Hence, the not-so-common concept.) Can’t wait for Yutae’s Phoenix vlog tonight!!! 💖 [okay everyone say SIKE, I really thought I had their vlog every 2 days schedule down pat.]

Anyway, hope I ace my Friday exam, hope I ace this subject, and hope I ace my sem and get high grades that I want until grad and basically ace life in general. 🥰💖🙏🏻 Enjoy!

Taeil: Taeil doesn’t understand all the deep words and symbol-filled formula that you’re reading, but he sits by your side to keep you company, anyway. He just stares, wide-eyed, at your notes—and at you, too, of course! He helps you sort out your papers, and picks up your pen when you drop it, and finds your calculator after it gets buried under a pile of books. (He’s getting pretty good at that.) Long after you make him go to sleep, while you’re pulling an all-nighter again, he sends you photos to remind you of the beauty of life even in your academic struggle. Like a picture of the full moon, for example. “Fighting!” his caption reads~

Johnny: Johnny isn’t the studying type. (“You don’t want me to do that,” he says, as you jokingly ask him to help you write your thesis.) But he *is* the supportive type, at least. “Coffee?” he asks, staring aghast at the mountain of work on your desk. You nod, half-alive, half-dead to the world. Sometimes he goes on Starbucks runs, but his favorite thing in the world is making you his own special cup of coffee. You don’t know what it is—his so-called “coffee connoisseur skills,” the tips and tricks his dad taught him, the special beans he had imported from South America, or simply all his “Johnny-ness,” but it’s the best-tasting drink in the world. Johnny would be your energy, your caffeine, cheering you on through long nights.

Taeyong: You knew Taeyong had big eyes, but they go especially large when he sees your work. “That much?” he asks. When you nod, he insists on helping you, deaf to all your protests. He would be the most extra boyfriend ever, buying you all the highlighters in every color of the rainbow. Then he’d do it again, only this time he’ll get the pastel version. (“They’re prettier!”) He’ll look up the pointers for review and help you break down the info in carefully-coordinated index cards. He’ll flip through pages and organize so much info, that you joke that with his neat freak-ness and OCD, it’s like *he’s* the one taking the test. “I’m doing this because I love you!” he says innocently, and your heart flutters~

Yuta: Yuta takes one look at your notebooks and makes some remark on why this was why he chose sports instead of studying. But he helps you hit the books anyway~ As funny or as charming as he is, Yuta actually becomes serious when he needs to be serious. You begin to realize what a solemn yet pure soul he has. The intense gaze he has when he helps you tackle problems or long passages makes you realize how he became so fluent in Korean. When you two finish studying, however, before you can get your thanks out, he’s already giggling and stretching his arms and grabbing you to head on a new adventure somewhere, “to reward yourself for working so hard!” And that sort of persona, serious when it needs to be, funny when there’s no need to be so solemn, and loving all throughout in spite of it all—that’s the Yuta Nakamoto you know and love. 🥰

Doyoung: Doyoung is that guy who hates acads with a burning passion, but succeeds in them anyway, even when he’s super-clutch. He’ll take one look at the pile of papers on your desk, then head to the kitchen to whip up something good to eat. “Brain food!” He’ll study the texts intensely and help explain them to you. You work together like a tag team—he quizzing you on his self-made index card reviewers, and you answering his questions as fast as you can. He sings when you get too stressful, and his beautiful voice is a plus. (Let’s forget how sassy he is when you get something wrong, though.) After a long day, he’ll high-five (or ask he calls it, hi-touch) you with a smile, then pretend to fall asleep right after. Cute~

Jaehyun: Okay, so it’s completely unfair that Jaehyun just magically gets the lesson and loves working hard more than anyone. When you ask him how he does his work so fast, he flashes you a dimply bread smile and says, “I’m not smart, I just did my best and got lucky, I guess!” But he’s the best and sweetest boyfriend ever, leaving you your favorite orange gummies (“I’ll be your human vitamin!”) to munch on while you revise, or dropping off a stack of pastel pink highlighters and index cards (“Use this to study better!”). Oftentimes, he tutors you, and if it weren’t for the fact that he’s super intelligent and super good at rescuing, you’d melt at the sound of his voice and get distracted by how good he looks in glasses. But he’s always the most encouraging and most helpful boyfriend, sending you texts and always helping you go on. “I’ll be your motivation.”

Winwin: Okay, let’s be real, Dong Si Cheng isn’t the biggest fan of studying. You love him, but he’s way too quiet, always just giggling by your side, making jokes on how you all should just drop out together for good and the like. Or sometimes, he gets pretty moody too, playing games on his phone or sleeping on your bed while you study. But he offers to carry your books for you or to help you re-type or transcribe anything under the sun. When you’re busy, he’ll be beside you, and you can just ask him to “please research on this topic” or “please tell me what this word means” and he’ll do it. Sicheng is so silently supportive and you love him more for that. There’s nothing better than finishing all five chapters of your exam, looking over at him, and then seeing him give you a huge thumbs-up with the biggest grin on his face.

Jungwoo: Jungwoo is pretty quiet too, but he’s the food master. He’ll help you study, that’s for sure, with maximum energy, pumping you up with his adrenaline. When his hyperness wanes, he suggests you go out for food. When you decline, saying it would take too much time, he’ll go out and buy a bunch of snacks or fast food for you, or get some delivery. His orders are huuuugeee and you’re not sure how you will finish it all, but that boy eats like there’s no tomorrow. Anyway, he’s always there cheering you on, always whisper-shouting words of encouragement and clapping his hands whenever you announce that you’ve just finished a topic. More importantly, he makes you laugh even when math is kicking your butt with his over-the-too jokes. His humor and positivity really just rub off on you. 🥰

Mark: Mark will try, alright. He’ll try indeed. You tell him you’re alright, and you’re perfectly capable of reading something or doing an assignment yourself. But he will insist. It isn’t that he gets bad grades, his are pretty average, in fact. But he’ll start reading a passage and then stutter. Or he’ll be mumbling a few sentences to himself, before saying something like, “Hang on, what does ‘insolvency’ mean again?” You may get him to calm down with all that nervous energy of his, but let’s face it, he’s overtly sweet and shy with his earnestness to help you. You can never stay mad with those big, innocent eyes of his. You’re never going to escape, but at least you’ll have a great time together. 😂

Haechan: You’re not going to bother asking Haechan for help since that boy hates studying. He would sit by your side, complaining about the stuffiness of the room, and proceed to play games on his phone or sing loudly to himself while you revise. (You tell him to stop being so loud; eventually, he remembers to start bringing his headphones). Haechan *acts* like he doesn’t care, but one day, while his eyes are glued to the video game screen, he’ll wordlessly reach into his backpack and hand you a reviewer book he bought at the store just because he remembered you had a hard time with that particular topic. Haechan may be allergic to acads, but he’s more supportive and helpful than anyone you know, brightening your life and adding light like the Full Sun that he is! ☀️

[beihonglin]

anyway i met bei honglin and he’s an actual angel and we don’t deserve him: a recap

also this is more than 5k words so like ! prepare yourselves!

fhdjjd okay so in april honglin’s hyh brought up his birthday party in his gc and I was like :——) that’s when spring sem ends I could actually make it

 fast forward through a lot of encouraging by summer miss @91percentchaoze​ (sobs I rly owe summer my life) and a lot of anxiety about flights and a lot of other stresses in between

and June 2nd I’m in shanghai with mirthe miss @honglinsmacaroni​ and meggi and summer ie three of the cutest people in the world!!!

when we get to banana there were already other fans there waiting at the event space and the hyh was giving out seat numbers and stuff

so meggi was 10, summer was 11, mirthe was 14 and I was 15

and we started giving out the slogans and stuff we printed until the staff chased us out so they could set up

and so we were chilling first in Starbucks w the other fans fhdjjfjf they’re rly so cute I was finally able to put faces to weibo handles & they finally realised they were talking to someone who’s actually shit at speaking Chinese lmao

then when it got to 2 o’clock we moved outside near the entrance of the event space (since the event space was supposed to be open to us at 2)

but they got the time wrong and we ended up only being able to go in at nearly 3

which isn’t important anyway bc !!! we saw tangram walking in !!!

okay so we saw this white blob coming out from the main banana building and walking towards one of the side buildings and we were like

whomst

and it wAS JINGZUO JSDKAHFKJDH

and summer or mirthe waved at him and he was like bitch wtf and squinted

like ??? who the heckity is waving at me but then eventually he connected the dots and was like o yah fans so he waved back fhdchdkhcjdjf

and he just walked on what a king ??????

summer was right I was surprisingly more chill than I thought I would be fhdjfjfjjf I thought I would cry but I didn’t

so we waited around a bit longer, got suntans and sunburns and slightly dehydrated

and then honglin walks out

my god y’all he’s a whole goddamn angel he’s not real I’m telling you he’s unreal

I KNOW I said the last time that yanjun is rly unphotogenic and all the photos don’t do him justice but leT ME TELL YOU

THE ENTIRE BANANA FAMILY IS LIKE THIS THEYRE UNREAL

THEYRE ALL BANANA PEELS IN HUMAN SUITS THEIR VISUALS ARE ??? NOT HUMAN

but yah at first I was like o he’s gonna go through the back exit to the event space he’s not gonna come this way

AND THEN HE CAME THIS WAY

fhdjfjfj i didn’t take a video but if I did u would probs hear me go “o shit he’s coming” fhdjfjfj

and mirthe was like I’M GONNA TELL HIM UR WEIBO HANDLE I’M GONNA TELL HIM YOU’RE ASTROFIREWORKS and I was like NO so then we had a little back and forth for a while tHAT HONGLIN SAW FBDJHFJF

I don’t rmb a lot of it bc I was mainly in shock that he was in front of me so I was mostly like :——) heckie!

but he went through the front entrance and the moment he made it inside I lost my shit fbdjfjjff

mirthe sent a picture of me just kneeling at the entrance contemplating my entire life to the group chat fhdjfhdj apparently I said that I wanted to go home fhdjfjfjjf

and then zhixie and jingzuo came out soBS

ZHIXIE IS SO BEAUTIFUL IRL U DONT UNDERSTAND HIS CHEEKBONES ARE INSANE

also he had black hair again and the cuTEST HAT ON and we promptly lost our shit

Jingzuo,,,,, in a plain white shirt and blue jeans and converse,,,, someone PLEASE stop him

but they went in and we cried

and waited outside bc ruotian and chaoze still hadn’t gone in but then someone came to tell us chaoze was off filming for his show so he wasn’t coming & somehow ruotian had alr made it into the building without us noticing so eventually we all went in

and the chairs were so comfortable o my god they swivelled and they were like super squishy I love chairs

and then the best two hours of my tgm stan life started :—(

my god the moment honglin stepped on stage my entire heart melted he rly looked so good sobs

you’re completely right I’m dedicating an entire portion to his visuals

his eyes :—-( are so sparkly my god

and when he smiles his eyesmile???? he gets those rly deep wrinkles around his eyes and they’re actually beautiful????? ;;;;

he Radiates joy like i know i say this so often but their debut song??? radiant??? written For him,,,

also when he smiles it’s so warm like you find yourself smiling along bc he rly and genuinely means it and is happy and your heart just warms up bc he’s happy and i just

man i l*ve him

okay so the first segment zhixie was like “what do y’all love about beibei”

and everyone was yelling different things like “he’s so handsome” and “so talented” and “his vocals” and someone also yelled “he can eat a lot” and zhixie was like ??? bro whAt

also someone said “he spoils his fans a lot” and my god y’all it’s so so true but more in that at the very end of this recap

I couldn’t even say anything rip bc my entire brain was set in English and I was like ???? my god i wrote an entire post about the reasons I l*ve him but my mind is blankity blank

but then he was like well beibei’s great at pick up lines

so he did pick up lines based on scenarios zhixie gave fhdjfjfand most of them were old tsk

but he made up this rly cute one that went like 看花开不如看着你发呆 ‘people like looking at flowers bloom, but i’d rather look at you daydreaming’ and i UWUED SO HARD

and I didn’t realise this until meggi pointed it out after but when they put the scenarios on screen, they used a gender neutral “TA” instead of the gendered 她/他 ;;;;;

then they did this segment where honglin was supposed to go against three fans and do a tongue twister in the shortest time and in order of time they got to choose foods under cloches

honglin did so badly fhdjfjfj he got last place but idk if he did it on purpose so his fans could win

one fan got wasabi disguised as ice cream and zhixie was like EAT IT and honglin was like DONT

and he offered to eat the wasabi for her I’m sobbing he rly is so sweet

but zhixie was like NO SHE HAS TO EAT IT and everyone laughed bc he was so adamant fhdjfjfj i love zhixie with my entire soul

and thEN honglin goes okay y’all know how I posted that picture last night

(this picture)

my god I died when he posted it bc

1) I love that shirt what an expensive look

2) he was baking ;A;

and he made a half-baked cheesecake s o b s

he was like: “since i’m always posting vlogs and y’all always watch me eat I thought I’d make food for y’all this time” and I WEPT

and he was like oh give me a theme and i’ll decorate the cake around that theme

so they pulled out the box again and he picked random numbers

and they called out 4 and 15 and 27 to go on stage and I was like

wow I wonder who they are omg

and suddenly summer’s in my ear going MY GOD 15 IT’S YOU

me:

me: what

zhixie: STOP DREAMING IT’S YOU

me: WHAT

hdsflgkjhdfkhgjdsfgkhksfgkdjhdfgkjhsdgjh

and the entire time i was mouthing to mirf and meggi like I CAN’T SPEAK CHINESE I’M GOING TO GO UP AND FORGET THAT I’M BILINGUAL I’M GOING TO BE BYELINGUAL I’M

and they were mouthing back sPEAK ENGLISH and i was like oK

and then it was my turn and i was shaking so so so hard ????

like i’m so so so bad in front of crowds i’ve shaken my way through every marketing presentation ever bc i hATE public speaking and now i have to go up in front of two angels?????

mirf and meggi were like THAT’S ASTROFIREWORKS and i didn’t realise until i checked the group chat after that zhixie said yAY KJDHSKSJAHKJA

and summer was like SHE FLEW IN FROM NEW YORK kjdshfkahdgjfhagjd

and zhixie was like wait do u speak chinese

and i blANKED OUT I WAS LIKE YES BUT FAM NO

but he only took the yes and was like ok thaNK GOD I DONT HAVE TO TRANSLATE

inside i was like fAM WHO THE HECKITY DO U THINK TRANSLATES YOUR VIDEOS I CAN DO IT FOR U KASJDHFLSKJDHKH but outside i was just ah yes :—)

and zhixie and honglin said something about english but my mind was blank all i could do was stare at honglin like

y’all

i know i said he was unreal but

up close

he’s literally ??? a whole angel like ????????????? his eyes sparkle so much when he laughs my heart STOPPED

and when they asked me to step closer i was like

actually i can translate for u i’m-

and zhixie was like NO THERE’S NO NEED like akdsfhkjkjdshJKASDHK OK

then honglin asked what theme i wanted and i was likE FAM IDK I’VE BEEN BLANKING THE ENTIRE TIME STARING AT YOU

so i was like okay i know u rly like one piece so something maybe one piece related

and he was like fam that’s difficult sadjkfhalsKJSDHLKJASD

but the moment i opened my mouth

zhixie: ARE YOU SINGAPOREAN OR MALAYSIAN

me: uh i’m singapor-

honglin: uwu i can hear it

me: about to die

zhixie (in english): ur accent !

and god yall my entire heart burst into flames like

i’ve said it before here but i’ve spent quite a bit of time being ashamed of my accent bc when i first got to america nobody could understand my singaporean accent and everyone kept asking me to repeat myself and eventually i was like ok u know what it’s better if i just shut up and not talk

and so the reason why i’m so so so proud of zhangjing (and jj) is bc there finally is ?? some south east asian representation and there are even people complimenting his accent and calling it cute and it ?? finally felt like i shouldn’t be embarrassed about the way i speak??

zhixie: when i heard you i was like eh? it’s almost like i heard you zhangjing

and i

Cried

and then zhixie turned to meggi and mirthe and were like yall come from beijing?

like fam what

and meggi was like no we come from belgium

zhixie: malaysian? you?

about ten people correcting him: belgium

zhixie, again: malaysian?

kajsdhflasjdkhfkj

and then zhixie said some other words but yall i was

just watching honglin

his hands are so so so so beautiful like his fingers are rly nice and

his nose ??? work of art

also his hands looked so soft like :—(

he was just bent over the cake and he :—( rly truly a goddamn angel

summer took photos of me that i’m never releasing ever sakdfhaksjdhfds i look so COMPLETELY WHIPPED FOR HIM LIKE

and at one point he started plucking cherries and one stalk fell on the floor and i was like o no so i went forward to pick it up and he

looked up

and said ‘oh it’s okay’ and smiled and

my heart stopped i think i left my soul on stage

O SHIT OKAY AND THEN ZHIXIE WALKED OVER AND WAS LIKE

CAN I ASK WHAT YOU’RE THINKING U LOOK LIKE YOU’RE LOSING UR MIND

AND I WAS LIKE FAM U DONT UNDERSTAND I A M

and i was like ‘idk i’m just ?? very shookt’

and zhixie was like what??? shy????

me: 很惊讶 (very shocked)

zhixie: shy? ? ??

me, thinking: fam this is how i feel when i translate yall captionless vlogs

zhixie (in eng): is this ur first time seeing honglin?

me: my first time seeing you also !!!!!

zhixie, suddenly shy: ah okay thank u

UWU!!!

and then honglin was done and looked up and i might have died inside again

AND HE WALKED OVER AND I WAS LIKE FAM NO DONT IF YOU COME CLOSER I’M LITERALLY GOING TO DI E??????

and he was like ‘oh this is zoro’

the sane part of me: oh wait ur favourite character is zoro???

bc liTERALLY TWO DAYS BEFORE HE POSTED ABOUT SANJI AND SO MY SISTER AND I WERE LIKE OH HE PROBS LIKES SANJI

BUT HE

LIKES ZORO

(my sister, afterwards: wtf i feel lied to)

but he was so heckin close to me like fam my heart

stopped

honglin: i hope u like it uwu

me: heck !

honglin: take one bite!

me: HECKITYHECK

zhixie (in eng): i wanna see ur facial expression

aND THEN THEY WERE BOTH LOOKGIN AT ME LIKE FUCABJS,BCD

FUCINADJCNSAKJDKJ

honglin: is it okay? ;;

me: FUCIJNSKCSADJ YES TAKE MY HEART TAKE MY SOUL

and i finally FINALLY FUNIAJKNSSK FINALLY GOT OFF THE GODDAMN STAGE

zhixie: WHERE’S HER APPLAUSE

anD EITHER RUOTIAN OR JINGZUO UPSTAIRS STARTED CLAPPING AGAINST THEIR MIC LIKE ASDFAHKSDHFAKSJD SHUT UP

 AND I WANTED TO DIE I WALKED ITNO A CARDBOARD CUTOUT RIGHT AFTER BC I WAS SO SHOOK

and honglin was like be careful! there’s a cardboard cutout right there! bc he’s a whoLE ANGEL

but also like GKASCKASHDHFAJDSHLFKJ PLS STOP LOOKIGN AT ME PLEAS E MY HEART IS WEAK I’M

my god

collapsed into summer’s arms right after thank god for summer !!!

okay then the next segment zhixie was like o yall know honglin’s position in the group is main vocal so next he can sing something for yall

honglin: actually i prepared an entire song for yall but music copyright means that i can’t sing it w a backing track

bc if he sings w a copyrighted backing track or if he sings more than half the song the livestream video would have to be taken down or something??

but it didn’t matter bc the moment he opened his mouth my entire heart STOPPED like

if he stabbed me in the stomach it would have hurt less his voice is so so sososos ososososososoosososo beautiful ????

and he sang without a backing track to like ????

i’m telling yall he’s a whole angel like he’s not real

and then honglin was like oh i also prepared another song but bc i now see there are overseas fans here i’m gonna sing an english song

and he sang when i was your man by bruno mars and when he hit the high note i think i ascended into the afterlife

about the 46 minute mark here i RLY AND TRULY RECOMMEND LISTENING TO IT SOBS HE SOUNDS LIKE THE PERFECT ANGEL HE IS

AND ZHIXIE HARMONISED AT THE BACK LIKE AHHHHH THAT’S MY BABE MAIN VOCAL TAGTEAM RIGHT THERE

and then zhixie asked if there was any other song we wanted and i was immediately like JJ!!

i’ve been ??? pleading for a jj cover forEVER ND HE

FINALLY PULLED THROUGH

honglin: i’m going to do Those Were The Days bc like the song says (那些你很冒险的梦 我陪你去疯 - all those adventurous dreams, i’ll chase them with you), i’ve been chasing my dream and yall have been here with me every step of the way

and i think the moment he said it i DIED like ???? jj is one of my favourite singers and nearly all my faves have covered his songs at least once, astro included???

and everyone who knows me knows i love jj like nini miss @tanqram​ has literally made a tangram singing jj compilation that i watch religiously ??? and this is one of my fave jj songs?????

and the moment he opened his mouth like ???? i KNOW i said that i died the last two times he sang but

firstly he sounds so much like jj?????

and secondly everything was ???? perfect??????

like i judge jj covers hard bc i’ve listened to the originals so many times everything is ingrained and the moment something is off i cringe but

yall

honglin’s perfect honglin is Actually Perfect

ALSO HE SOUNDS SO MUCH LIKE JJ LIKE HE RLY WASN’T LYING IN HIS IP INTRODUCTION

and afterwards honglin was like lol jj said before that whenever he sings high notes he starts sweating and immediately jingzuo (???) was like TAKE OFF UR CLOTHES LKAJDHSFKASJDHFK

jingzuo chaotic good!!!

also i didn’t know until afterwards when the fantakens were out but ruotian was eating chicken wings and slurping noodles the whole time upstairs aksjdflhaksdjfhaksj why is didi line chaos

and then zhixie was like yall know what other things beibei is good at?

like fam he’s good at everything we rly can’t

also someone in the back was like he’S GREAT AT DOING THE SPLITS and honglin’S FACE AJSDFHKSJDHF

but it was languages and so zhixie was like we’re gonna make him say i love u in many different languages

and i could FEEL marta miss @honeyforzhixie​ going ????? isn’t that ur thing zhixie jsdgflasjdhf

and so they started discussing languages and zhixie was like o i know u can speak a little japanese bc i know u memorised the entire one piece theme song

and i SCREAMED INSIDE bc we literally juST TALKED ABOUT IT THAT MORNING WHEN WE VIDEO CALLED NINI nkfhakjsdhf we were like uwu we hope he sings a jj song but then we were like o lol what if he ended up singing the one piece theme song instead bc we bet he knew the whoLE THING AND HE DOES KNOW IT AJSDFHLAK

but then zhixie made honglin imitate maotong and say ‘i love u’ the way maotong would and my heart ached a little i miss my baby boy so much ??

but JINGZUO CHAOTIC GOOD JSDHLAKJ ‘could u imitate chaoze too’ jaskdlfhkjd

and so he did a couple different versions like Japanese (he and jingzuo screamed lines from one piece at each other ajdkhflksd) and korean (he took a line out of some korean drama?????)

and someone suggested french (was it mirf?????) and i lAUGHED rip his french vlog sorry honglin i swear i love u !!

and then they were like ok time to play his fan video

okay listen i have to preface this by saying that when i got the brief from the hyh she told me ‘it’s best if we make him cry!’ and i was like ok! sure!

turns out it made ME cry i stressed out over the video for two entire weeks sobs the moment my finals were over i locked myself into nyu’s computer lab until moving out day but still couldn’t finish it so i had to work on it on the plane ride home too sobs my roommate connie miss @ynajun​ saw the worst of it bc every time i came home from the lab i’d stress about it ???

but my god it was worth ??? everything ????

he ?????? cried??????

and like on one hand i’m happy that i managed to fulfil the brief but also i feel bad bc he cried but also mostly i laughed bc he’s such a sweet emotional bub

BUT ALSO BC HE CRIED MEGGI GOT TO OFFER HIM HER TISSUES!!!!!!!!

like we specially bought tissues before we left for banana bc we were like we’re gonna need them bc we’re gonna cry

BUT IT TURNS OUT HONGLIN NEEDED HTEM MORE AJSDKFHLASJDHFKAJ

zhixie: he cries every year during his birthday

zhixie: but also even when it’s not his birthday he cries he cried at my birthday too

and afterwards in chaoze’s birthday post he called honglin a crybaby too UWUWUWUWU

tangent but on his birthday when he came into the group chat he thanked us again for the video and i Died

okay this next part is purely speculation bc i honestly might just be overinflating myself and he might have done this purely coincidentally but when he thanked us for his video he looked at me and i ?????

when the video was playing nini and marta were yelling in the gc that they knew the video was done by me bc i overuse cc particle world on after effects jasdhlfksjdh but in that moment i briefly entertained the thought that he was familiar enough with my edits to know that the only idiot who keeps using cc particle world was me ??

but also as i said purely speculation and probably coincidence so

anyway you can watch it here 

and then they played the birthday video messages from fans and i think i died from embarrassment let’s Not talk about it

but also i only realised it after they pointed it out in the gc but apparently zhixie and honglin were both singing along to the jj backing track i added to my video ajsdfhlaksjd

my god another tangent but on his birthday when he came into the group chat we were talking about the videos we recorded

and hh (one of honglin’s og fans she’s a whole angel too I love her !!!!) was like my gOD i rly am so unphotogenic (when she filmed her video she put a ‘FAT’ over her face sobs but like mood) and i was like yah same lol i had to record myself like ten times in times square bc i looked so bad in all the takes

and honglin was like HH WHY DID U CENSOR UR FACE UR CLEARLY SO CUTE and we collectively died for her uwu !!!!

then honglin rePLIED ME SAYING ‘OH BUT TIMES SQUARE HAS SUCH A GOOD VIBE’ and i died for the nth time ??? and then he followed up by saying ‘i rly want to go to times square i’ve gone to america a lot of times when i was younger but i’ve only ever been to the west coast’ jksadhlfkjshekj pls come i’ll bring u around east coast best coast

but back to the point he was like ‘i’ve said it before during ip (and he did!!! during the fanfan episode where he was talking to the rubbish bin he rly has said it before!!!!) but i rly try my best to remember every single person’s face and all my fan’s weibo IDs’ and my heART MELTED HE

and then it was his ending ment!!

he said something that rly threw my heart off a cliff he said that he’s so grateful for the hyh and fans for listening to him and donating to charities in his name instead of buying him extravagant gifts bc when he makes it big, if he makes it big, the thing he wants to do the most is to donate to children who come from a less privileged family background bc he knows what it’s like coming from a single parent family and ;n;

then they showed wishes from other idols!!!!!

there was wang ziyi, zhou rui, the twins my ip hEART

LISTEN I ??? when zuo qibo showed up my SWIN HEART EXPLODED I ??? MISS ??? MY SWIN ANGELS ????

AND THEN RUIBIN SHOWED UP IN ALL HIS UNKEMPT AND UNSHAVEN AND RAMBLING GLORY AND MY PRINCERUIBIN HEART WEPT I THINK I HELD SUMMER’S ARM SO HARD SHE GOT BRUISES AJKSDHFKSJD I’M SO SORRY SUMMER I LOVE U

and then cHAOZE APPEARED !!!! and everyone immediately melted he’s the softest leader alive i love my baby!!

and honglin was about to say something but ruOTIAN

ruotian showed up w a cake w sparklers???????? like fam???????

and eventually we had to say goodbye :—(

but honglin was like o i rly and truly thought that there would be lesser people at this birthday than there was last year and my heart ??? broke ????

bc the room they were in last year alr was so small and there were rly little roses but he ??? genuinely thought he had so little fans that he wouldn’t even fill up the room ;;;;;;;; bc there rly are v little active roses both on weibo like there are less than ten of us who actively post in his chaohua and at tgm events like they’re mostly lrt/jjz fans and there’s usually only one rose ;;;;

but listen honglin our entire gc would die for you we will never stop loving u until every last one of us is found dead in a ditch

and then we’ll love u into the next life

also after he said goodbye he was like sike!

he kept singing behind the cardboard cutouts and peeking around them to say hi again

at some point I poked my head over and went PLS COME TO NEW YORK and he said something back that I alas couldn’t hear rip

and then he started singing along to jj again sobs

but eventually at some point they left via the back door and I was like GOTTA GO THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT I’VE BEEN TRAINING FOR sobs going to the airport for yanjun and wenjun and jeffrey and ziyi and kunkun rly was to prepare me for one thing and one thing only and it was to practise getting good non-shaky fantakens without dying???

jingzuo rly truly looked AMAZING he rly rocks the white tee blue jeans and converse look jingzuo stans stay winning!!!

and honglin ;;;;;;; was holding my banner ;;;;;;;;

and he looked directly into my camera a couple times sobs and he shot hearts too I rly ???? Editing the photos made me cry so many times fbdjhfjf every time I got to those photos I lose my mind

ALSO ONLY AFTER EDITING THE PHOTOS I REALISED RUOTIAN WAS JUDGING ME SO HARD GHDJFJ my eyes were glued to honglin the entire time but looking at the photos again ruotian looked so unamused fhcjfhfbfhbf

speaking of ruotian my gOD editing photos with him in it is a nightmare y’all he’s either blinking or looks like he’s about to sneeze in nearly every picture fhdjfjfj summer and I generally make it a rule not to blur other members’ faces out of our fantakens but ruOTIAN RLY TESTING ME

but we made it to the banana lobby and I didn’t want to follow them and their fansites in so I stopped walking and honglin turned back to wave at me ;;;;;;;;;;;;;; and i think i died again

and so I went back to the event space where summer and mirthe and meggi were waiting and sat down and blanked out sobs

but it diDNT END THERE FHDJFJJF FOR SOME REASON HONGLIN DECIDED TO WALK OUT AGAIN A BIT AFTER

so mirthe and I were like omg gotta blAST so we speedwalked over

and he :—-( saw and shot signs at my camera again fhdjfjfjjf I ???

and then it was Actually Over god I was a shell of a person after that

still am tbh I’m not sure how I survived sorting through our 2000+ fantakens fhdjfjfj

but I’m so spoiled y’all I’m really truly so spoiled by him :—(

like I said earlier he rly spoils his fans so much????

that night he posted on Instagram and immediately summer and meggi and mirthe and I commented and he replied all four of us ;n;

earlier on in spring semester there was a third party event that Tangram was invited to but the organiser was a MESS and tgm wasn’t treated very well??? but honglin was worried that the fans who travelled to the event and didn’t get to see them were upset so he came into the group chat to console them ;;;;;

and I was talking to another fan and she said that even during other events he kept turning around to wave at the fans and acknowledge them and it’s ;;;;;; as someone who has ?? waited in the rain / stood for hours waiting for idols something as simple as a nod or a smile rly warms u up and makes the wind and cold worth it ;;;; and he makes sure to do it all the time ;;;;;;;;;

on his birthday !! his birthday !! when he was in Taiwan and should be resting and enjoying time w his mum and not thinking about us !!!! he still came into the group chat for an hour and talked to us ;;;;;;

and he named all his sort of more well known fans’ IDs, even the ones who weren’t online and sending messages at the time ;;;;; like he rly wasn’t lying when he said he remembers us ;;;;

also fhdjfjfjjf god I’m so spoiled he replied me so many times ?? like there was the times sq thing and the east coast thing ???

and when he said he was training for the next archery competition I was like “o are u shooting recurve or compound this time?” and he was like “o idk if I shot recurve or compound but it’s the one I shot the last time” and I fhdjfjfjfhfb

tangential but 1) my god y’all his form is beautiful my archery heart: exploded

2) his rhotics are so beautiful too my phonology heart: also exploded

also when he was about to leave the gc I was like “huh but u just got here, why are you leaving?” and he sent another voice message “astrofireworks, why are you becoming shameless too, when did I just get here, I’ve clearly been here for a long time already” fhdjfjdjfn fhdjjd

also my GOD He was reading some IDs and summer and lyla were like what about @astrofireworks and I was like fchjfbhjdf y’all it’s ok he’s alr said it in another voice message two months ago in the gc I’m alr so spoiled I ???? rly shouldn’t ask anything else of him or he’s going to hate me

but then he

sent

a whole

nine second message

“hey astrofireworks, I hope one day I can go to New York and maybe... I’ll meet you there, okay?”

and I ??,?? Sobbed

ndjdbfjvcchhxhdhfh

and then Connie went to send him off at the airport in Taiwan the next day and ????? 

I’m not gonna say much because it’s rly conno’s story to tell and I’m not sure how much I’m allowed to say outside the gc but he rly spoils his fans so so so so much ????

anyway bei honglin rly and truly is the sweetest boy on earth we rly don’t deserve him ;;;;; this first week of June truly has been the best week of my cpop stan life and i ????? love mister bei honglin with my entire heart and soul ;;;;;;;;;;;;

[ayrthwil]

Os valores de caráter começam na fase de bebê e só encerram quando seu sim se torna jovem adulto. Mas por onde começar e o que ensinar primeiro? Vou dividir a postagem em faixas etárias para ajudar.

Fase de bebê:

Muita gente acha que nessa fase é impossível ensinar qualquer coisa para o bebe de valores de caráter já que normalmente seu sim está saturado ensinando as habilidades, mas é ai que você se engana, existem sim habilidades que devem e podem ser ensinadas durante essa fase.

Traços recomendados:

Incansável

Independente

Grudento

Sem dúvidas esses são os melhores traços até mesmo para valores de caráter. Os dois primeiros farão com que seus bebês sejam teimosos com mais frequência, ou seja, sempre que isso acontecer seu sim vai precisar falar de forma "firme" com ele e pedir para que não faça mais. Fazendo isso algumas vezes fará com que seu bebê comece a subir Educação. No caso do grudento, ele não vai te desobedecer muito, mas fará chiliques com mais frequência quando você deixa-o sozinho no cômodo, podendo até mesmo ficar com o humor triste. Nesse caso, ele poderá ter chiliques nervosos e você poderá repreende-lo, subindo assim Controle emocional.

Mas o que é realmente essencial ensinar ao seu bebê? Pra mim, sem sombra de dúvidas o melhor é aproveitar o tempo livre para ensinar seu bebê a pedir desculpas já que a categoria de resolução de conflitos é a mais chata de se fazer. Você pode aproveitar o último dia da fase de vida do bebê para ensina-lo a pedir desculpas pelo máximo que conseguir. Lembrando, use e abuse de sua habilidade de Criação e educação, Dê fôlego extra, faça o bebe Se limpar sozinho e Diga para que ele coma alguma coisa, assim você melhora as barrinhas de energia, higiene e fome, dando mais tempo livre para ensinar isso.

Fase da infância:

Durante a infância você possuirá novas formas de subir seus valores de caráter, pra quem quer algo um pouco mais fácil e que permita subir educação e responsabilidade ao ir para a escola, recomendo esse mod que fará com que seus sims possam fazer muitas interações no colégio e assim conseguir aumentar ou diminuir alguns valores de caráter:

https://www.kawaiistaciemods.com/post/better-schools-mod

Mas se você prefere fazer isso sem mods, siga as dicas.

É importante que você suba a habilidade dos pais em paralelo com o nascimento da criança, pois isso só nos dará vantagens nesse processo. Meu nível recomendado para a infância é 8 em Criação e Educação e já já vou explicar o porque.

As habilidades que você deve focar em subir nessa fase são Resolução de Conflitos e Empatia. O jeito mais rápido de subir essas habilidades é quando seus filhos pedem conselhos. Tentem sempre escolher o que aumenta Resolução de Conflitos e Empatia, desde que a troca seja por Responsabilidade ou Educação, já que essas duas são as habilidades mais fáceis de evoluir.

Não se preocupe que seu filho fique mal educado ou irresponsável no começo, pois você só precisará responder conselhos até que Resolução e Empatia estejam cheias ainda na infância, por isso o nível 8 é essencial, com ele você poderá ver todas as opções disponíveis durante os conselhos.

Para manter Educação em um nível relativamente alto, recomendo que seu sim Sempre coloque a mesa, limpe os pratos e saia se apresentando para todos os estranhos que conseguir. (Assim você também consegue ir completando a aspiração Social). Se seus sims ainda tiverem tempo, ensine a dizer por favor e obrigado.

Já para manter Responsabilidade, você precisará apenas de fazer a lição de casa, o trabalho extra (disponível após tirar nota 8 na escola) e SEMPRE faça os projetos escolares.

Sempre que seu filho chegar estressado/triste/raivoso da escola, mande-o escrever em seu diário, isso dará um bônus e o Controle Emocional subirá muito mais rápido. Emoções negativas ajudam a melhorar e muito essa habilidade.

Fazendo tudo isso, seu filho atingirá nota 10 na escola em torno de 3 ou 4 dias, podendo ganhar mais responsabilidade ao manter notas altas. Lembre-se, a habilidade de Criação e Educação é sua amiga, use e abuse dos recursos citados na fase de bebê também para essa fase. Não se esqueça, compre camas de qualidade alta para seus filhos, assim eles precisarão dormir por menos tempo.

É possível ainda na infância fechar pelo menos 3 valores de caráter, sendo eles preferencialmente Controle Emocional, Resolução de Conflitos e Empatia.

Fase da Adolescência:

Se você não se embaralhou nas dicas durante todo o processo, agora só faltam Educação e Responsabilidade para seu filho aprender. Continue fazendo a lição de casa, colocando a mesa e limpando a casa que em mais 2 ou 3 dias você conseguir-a completar.

Mas vamos para a parte importante, e se você não conseguir ensinar Empatia, Resolução de Conflitos e Controle Emocional, o que fazer?

Continue a escrever no diário enquanto seu filho tem reações negativas, mas também escreva aleatoriamente no diário, isso com toda certeza subirá Controle Emocional rapidinho.

Nessa fase da vida, ensinar Empatia só será realmente eficaz se você mandar seu sim para trabalhos voluntários, faça isso de 3 a 4 vezes por dia nos finais de semana (Sábado e Domingo 4x cada) e acerte as respostas para ganhar um bônus.

A habilidade mais difícil de ensinar durante a fase da adolescência será Resolução de Conflitos, pois a linha entre fazer o certo e o errado será muito tênue. Recomendo que você use um dos pais para isso. Faça com que ele seja desrespeitoso, ensine carisma até o nível 4 para seu filho e fique praticando Desculpar-se ou Recuperação Suave, isso fará com que a habilidade suba a passos de tartaruga. Se você for rápido, recomendo que aconselhe seus filhos até que consiga subir essa habilidade, pois as outras serão mais fáceis de subir depois.

Sei que as dicas não são milagrosas e muita gente conhece, mas é sempre bom praticar.

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Character values ​​begin in the baby phase and only end when your child becomes an adult. But where to start and what to use first? I will split the post into age groups to help.

Baby Stage:

A lot of people think that at this stage it is impossible to use anything for character values ​​since normally your sim is being taught as skills, but this is where you can deceive, there are skills that can be taught during this phase.

Recommended traits:

Tireless

Independent

Gooey

No doubt these are the best traits to character values. The first two episodes of the number of babies who suffer most often, that is, whenever that happens, your sim will need to talk "firmly" to him and ask him not to do more. By doing this a few times, you can start climbing Education. In the case of a complaint, it will not disobey much, but it does show children more often when you leave it alone in the code, and may even have a sad mood. In that case, he may have nervous children and you may scold yourself, rising as well as Emotional Control.

But what is really essential for your baby? For me, it is undoubtedly best to take the time off to use the baby and to apologize as the conflict resolution category is more serious. You can take advantage of the last day of your baby's life to apologize as much as you can. Remembering, using and abusing his Creation and Education skill, Give it an extra touch, do it or drink. Clean up on your own and Tell him to eat something, as you improve as energy bars, hygiene and hunger, giving you more free time to use. that.

Childhood Stage:

During childhood, you can use new ways to scale your character values, for those who want something a little easier and that allows you to scale education and responsibility to go to school, recommending this mod that is displayed with your sims who use it. many interactions in high school and thus be able to increase or decrease some character values: https://www.kawaiistaciemods.com/post/better-schools-mod

But if you prefer to do it without mods, follow the tips.

It is important that you use parental skills in parallel with the birth of your child, as this offers advantages in this process. My recommended childhood level is 8 in Creation and Education and I'll explain why.

The skills you should focus on rising in this phase are Conflict Resolution and Empathy. The fastest way to increase these skills is when your children ask for advice. Always try to choose or increase Conflict Resolution and Empathy, as long as the switch is Responsibility or Education, as these are the easiest skills to evolve.

Do not worry that your child is rude or irresponsible at first, as you only respond to advice until the Resolution and Empathy, which are still in childhood, because level 8 is essential, with you can see all the options available during advices.

To keep education at a relatively high level, I recommend it. Always put on the table, clean the plates and go out to introduce yourself to any foreigners you can. (You can also complete social breathing). If your sims still have time, please enter a favor and thanks.

For the sake of responsibility, you can do just a homework assignment, or work extra hard (after you get grade 8 at school) and ALWAYS do your school projects.

Whenever your child arrives stressed / sad / angry from school, has him write in his diary, this leaves a bonus and Emotional Control will rise much faster. Negative emotions can greatly improve this ability.

By doing all of this, your child achieved grade 10 in school in about 3 or 4 days, and may gain more responsibility by maintaining high grades. Remember, a Creation and Education skill is your friend, use and abuse the resources mentioned in the baby phase also in this phase. Remember, buy high quality beds for your children so they need less sleep.

It is possible even in childhood to close with less than 3 character values, preferably Emotional Control, Conflict Resolution and Empathy.

Adolescence Phase:

If you do not embark on the tips throughout the process, you now only need Education and Responsibility for your child to learn. Keep doing your homework, setting the table and cleaning the house that over 2 or 3 days you will be able to complete.

But let's go to an important part, and you can't get Empathy, Conflict Resolution and Emotional Control, or what to do?

Keep writing in the diary while your child has negatives, but also writing randomly in the diary is sure to come up with quickinho Emotional Control.

At this stage in life, teaching Empathy is really only effective if you send your sim to volunteer work, do it 3-4 times a day on weekends (Saturday and Sunday 4x each) and hit the answers to earn a bonus.

The most difficult skill to teach during adolescence will be Conflict Resolution, as the line between doing right and wrong will be very thin. I recommend that you use a parent for this. Make it disrespectful, teach your child up to level 4, and practice Apologizing or Soft Recovery, which will make the skill go up in turtle steps. If you are fast, I recommend that you advise your children until you can climb this skill, as the others will be easier to climb later.

I know the tips are not miraculous and many people know it, but it is always good to practice.

[sushirenas-random-thoughts]

insecurities and toxic traits

Finally back at blogging again! I have not done this in a while since school has been busy, and I haven't had much headspace to write. I also want to say that I'm usually more creative (with writing, making music, etc) when I'm really bothered by things & unsatisfied with myself (aka entering my troubled artist mode), and being focused on school and having not much else going on in my life simply means that I was generally happy (except for being stressed about work) and had not much to write about.

But recently I have uncovered some of my toxic traits and I have been working on fixing these.

Taking on an alternative personality when speaking English to people I don't know

So my native language is mandarin, and I've found that when I try to speak English to people I don't know / am not yet comfortable around, I tend to take an alternative personality that is too positive and nice about things and it just ends up feeling really unnatural and not myself. I also feel like I tend to exaggerate things a bit when I do this. However when I get more comfortable with people, I start talking to them in English just like my normal self.

Note that the same doesn't happen to me when speaking in mandarin - I always feel perfectly myself when speaking mandarin, regardless of whether I'm close with the people I talk to or not.

I'm trying to be more like myself when I express myself in English, but a lot of times I still second guess whether the things I say would fit American (or more specifically, white American) cultural norms - and when I try to conform to that I just end up sounding unnatural and not myself.

I will definitely have to work on this.

2. Comparing myself to my friend's other friends

This doesn't happen often but it does pop up sometimes. I can feel a little jealous that some of my friends are closer to other people, and I think about why they like other people better and think about what I lack in comparison to them. WHICH IS SO UNHEALTHY UGH. This usually gets better once I start to get to know the people that my friends are close to and I start to see them as people rather than an imaginative figure with traits that are better than me.

I think I definitely need to work on seeing people as people rather than figures that I'm competing against. I want to say I have become so much better at this since entering college but I can definitely use more work.

3. Micromanaging

So one of my mother's toxic traits is micromanaging my life and always expecting me to work harder than how hard I'm working now (and I imagine many East Asian mothers share this toxic trait). I do not enjoy this being around her, but I found that I have been doing that to people around me that I care about as well.

For example, I sometimes do this to my boyfriend, and to execs in the student club that I'm involved in. Although I want to say I have been pretty good at controlling my urge to do this most of the time, sometimes the urge is just really strong and I really have to do some mental gymnastics to battle it. And oh my how fun is that.

Other life updates:

I have not been quite good at exercising since the semester started

I have been hanging out with people a lot! Which I'm happy about

I really like all of my classes, even though I don't have enough time to get A's in all of them (and honestly I'll prob end up getting a B average this sem. which I'm a little upset about but whatever)

I have a job lined up for next year:)

Overall life is quite good! I'm pretty happy with where things are going, despite being slightly bothered by things recently. But hey at least this inspired me to write again 😁

11/3/22