#why is grandma day in the middle of winter

[ayakashibackstreet]

Sends message to the Japanese prof that just says 'not feeling well........ online class again pls???' and logs off

[darknight3904]

All Too Well

Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Summary: After meeting Joel one late night at a bar you launch into a whirlwind romance with him. But, between a nasty breakup and the end of the world, you're left with nothing but your thoughts of the past and the way they haunt you all too well.

Warnings: 18+ Mature themes including: language, loss of virginity sexual references, SA (Not by Joel), Animal death, starvation.

Based on the song by Taylor Swift.

Word Count: 6.5k

Series Masterlist / Main Masterlist

Winter 2023

Jackson was a town that was almost too good to be true. You had stumbled upon it nearly 7 years ago after fleeing in the middle of the night from a band of men that had captured you. Your sanctuary was just getting started then, but the group that was working there, welcomed you with open arms and as many supplies as they could spare.

It was your own little slice of paradise in this post-apocalyptic world you were stuck in. Away from FEDRA's iron fist and the horrors that evil people inflicted on others, most days you felt like you were living the life you used to back in 2003.

Of course, some things were different now. The TV in the corner of your living room was useless and most of your meals were communal in the mess hall. But, you loved it all anyway, glad to be away from the harsh world that lay outside the walls.

Even when you were assigned to clean out the horse stables, you loved your community. Jackson was your perfect little universe, undisturbed by the past and-

"Oh, shit...Joel?"

May 2003

College finals were the two scariest words one could say to you right now. Luckily for you, you had managed to somehow pass all of them this semester. Yes, you had somehow even managed an 80 on your biology exam, you still weren't quite sure how that happened. Maybe those 3am nights poured over your books did something.

"We should celebrate tonight." Your friend, Amelia suggested from her spot on the couch

"I was thinking about ordering a pizza." You sigh as you try to work out in your mind how much you have in your bank account. Perhaps you even had enough for some wings too.

"Not like that." She scoffs, " I meant we dress up real slutty and hit some bars. Get some guys to buy us drinks."

"I wanted to watch a movie tonight though." You sigh, thinking of the Blockbuster down the road. The second X-Men movie had come out a few weeks ago and you were dying to see Hugh Jackman on your screen again.

"You can spend the rest of your life as a grandma watching movies. You're only hot once." Amelia laughs

"But-"

"No buts. Your tits are gonna be at your waist one day and you'll thank me for this." Amelia declares before skipping off to her room, mumbling about which top she'd wear.

You sigh as you watch her door close. Amelia Caddel hadn't been your first choice for sharing an off campus apartment. Afterall, she was the opposite of you in so many ways. But, Miss Life of the Party had a steady deposit of allowance in her account from mommy and daddy, meaning she never missed rent, an important factor in a roomate.

"Guess you're spending the night alone." You sigh, looking down at your cat, Loki who purred, clearly wanting a treat or perhaps another heaping bowl of kibble.

Amelia fussed with your hair as the two of you entered your first bar.

"How're you going to pick up a guy if he can't even see your eyes?" She laughs

The stuffy air and the loud music, followed by a group of frat boys cheering for someone, reminded you why you never went out.

You watched with a sigh as she sought out the closest mid twenties guy she could wrestle a few drinks out of. You trailed behind, fidgeting with the skimpy black mini dress she had coaxed you into.

You'd have to hand it to Amelia, you certainly looked hot in it.

The feel of a stranger bumping into you and the sharp scent of aftershave filled your nose, and then big hands were wrapping around your waist, keeping you from stumbling.

"Shit sorry, hon." His Texan accent sent a small shiver down your spine.

"It's fine." You mumble, jumping away from the stranger's arms.

"Tommy, let's go! Quit flirtin' with the college girls!"

The man, Tommy, mumbles another apology to you before disappearing further into the bar, in search of whoever called for him.

Joel watched as his younger brother "accidentally" bumped into some silly college girl who seemed out of her element. Joel couldn't lie, it was something his brain might've come up with if he wasn't so damn tired from today's work. When was laying concrete going to get easier?

The younger Miller brother, who hadn't succumbed to back pain just yet, whispered some false apology in the girl's ears as she jumped away from him.

Joel called for him, he couldn't let Tommy terrorize some poor twenty-something girl who looked like a deer in the headlights under his brother's gaze.

"You're getting too old to be after college kids." Joel chastizes as he sits beside Tommy at the bar.

"Oh c'mon." Tommy scoffs as he orders a beer for himself and Joel.

"You're thirty, you're not some mid-twenties loser anymore." Joel points out.

"You're no fun, Joel," Tommy says with a roll of his eyes

Joel wanted to go home. He'd wanted to go home hours ago but Tommy had dragged him out after they finally finished working on their latest project, the new local Subway was nicely constructed by the Miller brothers.

Yet, here he sat, a few hours later, Two and a half beers deep, listening to Tommy try his hand at karaoke. Joel was pretty sure his ears were bleeding as his eyes scanned the bar. Most of the patrons were so drunk, they cheered Tommy on.

Joel found his eyes settling on the girl Tommy had "bumped" into earlier. She was still alone, sat across the room at a high-top table, sipping at some fruity drink. Pretty red heels were linked on the footrest of the barstool and Joel watched as she fumbled with her purse, looking for something with a deep frown across her pretty features.

If Joel didn't have a 13-year-old waiting on him back home, he might have slipped across the bar and sweet talked his way into this girl's arms. But the thought of Sarah back home, watching TV with Mrs. Addler had his ass glued to his barstool.

Instead, he observes as you finally find your phone and make a call. He watches as your features droop in disappointment as you yell over Tommy's singing to whoever was on the other end. Joel watched with a bit of amusement as you nearly fell off the stool when you went to stand up, you must've forgotten you linked those heels onto the footrest.

Joel let out a grumble of disappointment as Tommy launched into the beginning of Don't Stop Believin' by Journey. Why had he been given the world's most annoying little brother?

Joel's eyes turn back to the mystery girl and her delicate red heels just as some frat guy from Alpha Delta- who fuckin' cares, slings an arm around her waist, hand dipping too close to the hem of her skirt for Joel to be comfortable with.

As if he's on autopilot, Joel finds himself crossing the bar in long strides, ready to put a stop to whatever might come next.

"I don't see your friend now." The guy laughs as you shift your weight from foot to foot, clearly uncomfortable.

Joel hears you mumble something about wanting to go home.

"I'll give you a ride."

The guy's sleazy tone has Joel cringing as he approaches. DId anyone teach these kids manners?

"Why don't you give the lady some space?" Joel suggests boldy

Alpha-Delta-Chad turns around to meet Joel's gaze, not releasing you just yet as he scoffs,

"Who the fuck are you? Her dad?"

"Just a concerned stranger." Joel nods to you in greeting, "She doesn't seem too comfortable with you, kid. Give her some room."

"How would you even know old man?" The boy asks, "You're like forty!"

Ouch. Joel was 35. Did he really look 40? Already?

"Let her go," Joel says, his voice deepening a bit

The frat boy's eyes scan Joel's figure. Either he decides you're not worth it, or that he'd lose the fight because before Joel knows it he's letting you go and murmuring another curse at Joel.

"Thank you." You breathe a sigh of relief, and a small smile graces your pretty face as Joel nods.

"You're welcome, sweetheart."

The name slips out of Joel's mouth before he can stop it and he watches in amusement as you blink away in embarrassment.

Your eyes roam across his frame and Joel can't quite place the look on your face as you...size him up?

"Could you um...walk me to the bus stop? I'd go myself but I'm worried that guy might be waiting for me outside." You ask

Joel wants to say no. He wants to stay tucked away in the bar, sipping his beer, and hope Tommy accidentally swallows the microphone he's singing into. Yet, one look into your sad, and definitely drunk eyes has him folding.

"Sure, I'll walk ya."

A warm breeze blows through the air as your savior is beside you at the bus stop. He'd insisted on waiting beside you until the bus showed up, saying something about having a daughter back home and it not being right to leave you alone out here.

"So...what's your name?" You ask, your drunk mind disliked silences.

"Joel. Joel Miller." He says, "You?"

You softly say your name, shy under his gaze.

Maybe its the three margaritas but the man next to you is hot. Short brown curly hair with dark eyes to match. Not to mention the splatter of facial hair and mustache he seemed to pull off so effortlessly. He was definitely much older than you, at least over ten years your senior. But, he was attractive in the ways all the college boys in your classes weren't.

Your eyes raked over tanned arms, toned perfectly from whatever he did to get them. You could tell he was sporting a handsome dad bod under the plain blue t-shirt on his frame. You'd never been one for a rippling six-pack, a man who'd eat pizza and ice cream with you was always going to be attractive than one who spent his days drinking protein shakes and eating eggs for "gains". Joel seemed like a guy who'd be into a binge-watch of every Star Wars movie and indulge with you in an impulsive 2am Domino's order.

"Where the hell is this bus at?"

His deep voice had you snapping from your drunken daydream of pizza and dad bods.

"Oh um..."

You're not quite sure where the bus is. Hopefully, it'd show soon. Your legs felt like a newborn deer's, no way would you be able to walk the seven and a half miles back to your apartment like this.

"Joel!"

Another voice has you and your new companion turning your heads. Another man, somehow a bit familiar in your drunk brain is approaching.

"What're you doin' man? You missed my singing."

"I heard enough." Joel huffs in annoyance

Oh, so this was the guy who was badly singing to Brittney Spears and Journey. He looked a bit more familiar though...this was the dude that had bumped into your earlier!

"Now if I'm too old to be goin' after college girls, then you're definitely too old, brother."

"I'm not...Not goin' after anyone. I'm waiting for the bus with her. Some creep was hitting on her at the bar, I'm keeping her safe." Joel groans at this man's comment.

So he wasn't interested? You felt your heart sink a bit. Of course, he wasn't interested. He had a kid for crying out loud.

Oh god, what if he had a wife? Were you daydreaming about a married man?

Your eyes jump to his left hand.

Ringless.

Well, at least you weren't fantasizing about being a homewrecker.

"The bus? It's past midnight. The bus stops running at 11:30." The new guy says, looking at his watch.

"Oh...um. I'll just go then." You say, standing up on unsteady legs. Looks like you're walking. You didn't have the money for a cab, so your legs were just going to have to tough this one out.

"Go? Go where?" Joel's friend scoffs

You ignore him, he's so weird.

"Tommy, stop it." Joel scolds

He sounds like such a dad as you laugh to yourself while smoothing your dress out.

"Do you want us to give you a ride?" Joel asks, standing up next to you

"No, I can manage the walk." You brush him off, trying to ignore the way he's so tall all of a sudden.

You were even wearing heels and he was bigger than you!

"I can call a cab," Joel suggests, watching the way your ankle nearly twists when you take a step.

"I don't have any money for one." You whimper, as the pain in your ankle shoots up your leg.

Fuck these heels. Fuck Amelia for ditching you for another bar. Fuck Joel had his stupid dad bod and tanned skin. Fuck the stupidly attractive mustache on his stupidly attractive face.

This always happened when you were drunk. First, your legs turned into literal Jello and then you'd get all weepy about nothing. At least you'd have seven miles to cry your eyes out. Hopefully, Loki would let you hold him when you got home.

"Let me give you a ride. Do you live on campus?" Joel asks his eyes widening at the tears that dribble down your face.

"I'm just gonna walk." You mumble and bush past him, forcing your legs into an unsteady match.

"That's like...an 8-mile walk," Tommy says from behind you, estimating the distance between here and the college.

"Actually seven and a half." You sass, not interested in his comments or his stupid aftershave that invaded your nose as you walked past him.

You're not entirely sure how you ended up here, in the back seat of a pick up truck while Joel drove you home. You mumbled your address to him and he'd somehow known immediately where you were living.

Hopefully, you weren't going to end up dead in a ditch tonight.

Joel watched as you rested your head against the window. He'd walked you to his truck after you got a few feet away from him before sitting down on the curb, tears running down your pretty face, mumbling something about a cat.

"Fuckin' college girls." Tommy had mumbled as he helped Joel buckle you into your seat

"Let's just get her home," Joel said

"Yeah before she turns the waterworks back on." Tommy sighed

Joel drives towards the shitty apartments they rent to college kids. Two blocks away he had once been working in a fancy new condo building, putting up drywall and laying flooring. There'd been talk about developing your area as well, but six months later the apartments of Oliver Avenue were still as shitty as ever.

Joel guaranteed you were getting ripped off by your landlord. Probably paying too much for someplace that had thin walls and bad heating. Sure enough, he was right, as he parked his trunk in front of a building that badly needed a makeover.

"Stay here." He tells Tommy who seems to be a few moments away from falling asleep in the passenger seat.

Joel pulls you from the backseat, shoving Sarah's soccer ball back under the seat when it rolls out and tries to escape.

"Alright, what floor?" Joel asks as you stand beside him, tears finally dried up.

You wordlessly begin to plod your way up the steps and murmur what sounds like a five to him.

Joel makes sure you get your door open and watches as a black cat greets you as you push the door open.

"Hi, baby." You coo at the cat, scooping him up. "Did you miss me?"

Joel feels his heart speed up as you sweet-talk your pet. He tries to banish the idea of you talking to him like that, carding your hands through his hair, rather than this little black cat with a green collar and golden bell around his neck.

"Thank you, Joel." You say as you spin around to face him

"No problem." He hums, "Glad I was able to help."

You smile at him as your damn cat meows loudly, breaking the trance you had on him.

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Goodnight, Joel."

July 2003

The fourth of July was serious business in Austin. From mega barbeques to fireworks that put Magic Kingdom to shame, your sleepy little college town was transformed for America's birthday.

A much-needed breeze flows through the park as you sit on the blanket you'd found shoved at the back of your closet. Summer was brutal this year, and you were sure that the Texas heat wasn't making the wait for fireworks any easier.

Your parents had invited you back home to Pittsburgh this summer. But, you found yourself more interested in staying put in Austin. Your sleepy suburb town back home would always be there, no sense in spending your summer cooped up in your childhood room. At least here you could go out whenever you wanted.

"Dad, let's go! All the good spots are going to be taken!!"

A young girl's voice drifts across the park as you turn to watch her pull what must be her father along.

"Hold on, Sarah! You're gonna make me drop all this."

"Move faster then!"

Well, shit.

Joel Miller, the savior of drunk college girls, was here in the park, walking towards you.

Your eyes widen as you take him in. At least you know it wasn't just the alcohol talking, Joel Miller was just as devastatingly good-looking now as he was a month and a half ago when he drove you home from the bar.

"H-Hi." You awkwardly stammer as he passes by you, arms full with a small cooler and a big blanket.

"Hello." He says, quickly

The double take he does is almost comical as he looks at you.

"Sarah!" He calls after the girl, "Come back here!"

"Didn't think I'd ever see you again." You smile, standing up from your own spot

"Well, I do live around here." He says with a lopsided smile that makes him look a bit more boyish.

The girl, Sarah, returns to her father's side.

"Hi." She says a bit flatly, clearly annoyed her father has stopped his march across the park to what she had deemed the perfect spot.

"Hello." You greeted her, with a soft smile.

She was so cute, with dark curly hair and black shorts paired with a pretty green and blue t-shirt. Sparkly sandals caught your eye as she stepped a bit closer to Joel, looking up at him for an explanation.

Joel introduces you to her, "I helped her out a month ago, got her home safe."

You're beyond elated he's standing in front of you again. For a little bit you swore he was a hallucination you'd dreamt up in a drunken haze. A handsome Texan man who'd driven you home safely after rescuing you from some sleaze. Amelia had scolded you for hours when she found out you hadn't gotten his number.

"Super safe." You smile at him.

Joel feels a nervous sweat break out on his forehead. Here he was with his daughter ready to watch their fireworks like they always did each year and he was flirting with a girl like he was 17 again. He'd be lying if you weren't on his mind regularly. The way you'd been dressed that night haunted him at night as he lay in bed, your sweet voice filled his ears as he went about his days. He'd wondered if you only used that tone for your cat.

"You two want to sit with me? I'm not sure if these are the best seats in the house but I do have some popcorn I can share..." You trail off, giving a smile to Sarah who enthusiastically agrees at the idea of free food.

Joel settles next to you as Sarah talks your ears off about soccer practices and the pool party Joel took her to a few weeks ago. He watches as you listen intently to his daughter's words. So rarely does a woman he's interested in take time to talk to Sarah. Yet, here you were, in college and interacting with his daughter better than most grown women did.

"So how old are you?"

Joel nudges Sarah with his shoe, doesn't she know that's a rude question? He could've sworn he taught her better.

"I'm 23. 24 this August." You say

"Wow," Sarah says

You turn away for a moment, reaching for the bag of popcorn that sits behind you. Joel's eyes widen as he watches Sarah silently mouth to him,

"She's so old!"

If you were old, did that mean he was ancient? God, how old did his daughter view him as? He could've sworn 35 wasn't that bad. Maybe it was though...

"So, 23. You're graduating soon then, yeah?" Joel asked

"I wish." You sigh, "I took a gap year after high school, and then just couldn't find the right major for a bit. I'm technically on track to become a Physician Assistant but I dunno if it's right for me."

Joel nods, he knows the feeling, not knowing if what you're doing is right. He'd felt that way when Sarah was born, and then when her mother left them, and then every time Sarah was hurt or crying, or just not perfectly happy, Joel felt that way, unsure of himself.

"You'd make a great PA, Sweetheart." Joel genuinely says, placing a hand over yours

"Thanks." You say a bit flustered at the physical contact.

"Gross," Sarah comments at what's unfolding before her eyes.

"You're gross." Joel counters, not missing a beat to tease her.

Sarah sticks her tongue out at him in retaliation, and Joel does the same.

You spend the rest of your summer with the Millers. In between public pool trips, and catching fireflies in the backyard, you somehow end up entangled with Joel. Staying up on the couch beside him, watching movie after movie when Sarah drifted off into dreamland up in her bed.

Before you know it, Joel is picking you up for dates and meeting you at coffee shops to let you talk his ears off about whatever book you've picked up for the week.

You let Joel take your virginity on a humid August night. After sending Sarah off to her friend's house you let him pull you into his room and under the sheets.

Breathless and sweaty you rest your head on his chest.

"You okay?" Joel asks quietly, running a hand up and down your back

"Mmhm." You sigh dreamily

"Didn't hurt you or nothin'?" He asks

"I'm okay, Joel." You laugh

"Just checking." He mumbles

Joel looks a bit out of place as he sits on your couch. Sarah had a week of soccer camp and the two of you decided to spend it together. Loki jumps up on the cushion beside Joel and lets out a loud meow.

"Pet him." You suggest with a shrug

"He doesn't even like me." Joel huffs staring into your cats eyes

"You nearly sat on him the first time you were here." You remind Joel of his previous crime from a week ago.

"I thought he was a throw pillow." Joel defends himself, motioning to the many pillows you and Amelia had scattered around the apartment.

"You thought I had a green-eyed pillow that meowed?"

"I dunno what you women are into, you're all so confusing."

You let out a scoff before plopping down on the couch next to him, Loki climbing into your lap and purring as you scratch behind his ears.

"The only confusing one here is you, Joel Miller."

Tommy isn't as bad as you thought he was.

Scratch that, he's fantastic, pulling out old photos of Joel from over the years. You nearly piss yourself though when he whips out an old family album. A nine-year-old Joel stares back at you as you look at an old photo of him playing tee-ball.

"Look how cute you were!" You gasp as you run your fingers across the photograph

"Joel Miller, star tee-ball player!" Tommy teases his big brother.

You smile as you watch Joel's face turn red as you take in even more photographs of him as a kid, you even see his 10th-grade photo, yes the one where he has braces and the worst case of acne known to mankind.

By the time the Texas heat begins to ease off and the leaves begin to change colors, you're head over heels in love with Joel Miller. From the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, to the way he'd dance with you in the dead of the night while the refrigerator door hung open, the light reflecting off your bodies as you laughed in his arms.

Three months, such a short time, and yet so much had happened. You tried to focus on the Anatomy lesson your professor was talking about in front of you yet you found your mind occupied with something else. It was as if you had been possessed, nothing but Joel filled your mind as you scribbled your notes onto your notebook. Anatomy class be damned, you were going to go mad thinking of him like this.

Your birthday, August 29th rolled around faster than you thought it would. You hadn't seen Joel all week. Between your classes, Sarah's soccer and school, and Joel's contracting, you had only time to talk to him briefly on the phone.

You had reached out to Joel earlier today to invite him to a small birthday party Amelia had insisted on. Nothing special, just some pizza and cupcakes, a cheap beer or two.

But now, it was going on 10:30 and Joel was nothing but a whisper in the wind. Sadness weighed on your chest as you watched the front door, hoping for a knock that would signal his arrival.

"Hey...I think we should just go to bed..."Amelia suggests softly from her spot next to you.

"No, he's coming." You mumble sadly tears tickling your waterline,

You stare at the last cupcake that sits on the coffee table. It was meant to be for Joel. You had scooped it out of the box thinking about how nice the icing looked on it. You had wanted him to have the best one in the box, even if that meant your own was a little lopsided and missing sprinkles.

Amelia pulls you into her side, letting you rest your head on her shoulder. She gently wraps her arm around you and quietly says,

"It's supposed to be fun, turning 24..."

September 2003

Three days pass before you hear from Joel again. His voice on the other end of the phone call is paralyzing as your world comes crashing down. The phone beeps as the call ends and you stand at your kitchen counter in shock, shocked that he's ending it all like this, with a phone call.

"If we had been closer in age, maybe it would've been fine."

His words bounce around in your mind as you slam your phone down on the counter. Loki jumps from his spot on the windowsill meowing as you cross the room quickly.

You pulled your covers over your head, blocking out the world as you heard Amelia return from her ethics class.

"If we had been closer in age, maybe it would've been fine."

God, that made you want to die. What did he even think of you? That you were some wide-eyed college kid who just existed in limbo for him?

You spend the next week in bed, plagued with tears and anger as you curse Joel out at least 1000 times a day. The knock at your door and Amelia entering your room with a box has you startled.

"What's this?" You sniff

"UPS guy just left it at our front door." She says before setting it on the bed and leaving you again.

You cut the box open and find your things inside it. Little things you'd left at Joel's over the summer. Hair ties, a brush, deodorant, t-shirts, and sweaters, even a photograph of you, Sarah, and him at the aquarium is nestled between the pages of a book you kept on his nightstand to read to him before the two of you dozed off. The box holds your entire relationship as you dump it out on your bed.

The scent of Joel, masculine and inviting clings to your belongings just like the way it clings to your heart.

Your hands shift through the items again, the scarf you wore to Tommy's house is missing. You had left it there and Joel had promised to return it to you.

"Who wears a scarf in Texas?" Joel snorts

"I do! And you better give it back, Miller." You groan

"I'll get it to you, sweetheart. Don't worry about it."

You wonder what has become of your scarf now. Perhaps it's sitting in a drawer in his room, nestled among his belongings, looking horribly out of place. Or maybe it's stuck in his truck, shoved under the seats under the pretense that it would make its way back to you one day.

You wonder what has become of Joel now. Perhaps he's lying in his own bed right now, thinking of you, your scarf wrapped around his hands, smelling of you and all his failures.

You wonder if this love affair bruised him the way it did you.

God, you had so many regrets.

December 2003

Cold air fills your lungs as your feet ache beneath you. Snow gently fell down as you sighed quietly. The walk into your hometown was no joke. The shitty beater car you'd stolen had died about 50 miles ago, leaving you vulnerable and scared.

Loki meowed from his crate as you quietly walked along. You shushed him and dropped a few treats behind the bars of the crate. He was going to need food soon if you intended to stay alive, your traveling companion wasn't known for holding his tongue when it came to hunger. The last thing you needed was to have an infected try to kill you because of your pet.

It had been nearly 5 days on the road now. and You'd managed to drive from Austin to Pittsburgh all on your own armed with a shotgun and a map you'd found in the glove compartment.

The past few months had been spent in Joel's basement. After things started going south outside your apartment building, you stuffed Loki into his carrier and filled a two big duffle bags with food and clothes for you and supplies for your cat before managing to somehow sneak into the parking deck and jump into your car. Amelia had never returned from her boyfriends house that night. You knew you couldn't go looking for her though, his home was nearly 25 miles away while Joel's was only 10.

It was mid-morning on September 27th when you reached Joel's place. The other neighborhood homes were empty and you nearly threw up at the sight of Mrs. Adler's mother lying face down on the driveway.

Your heart sinks when you discover Joel and Sarah are already gone. You hadn't expected them to be here yet, a part of you had hoped they'd be. It was Joel's birthday yesterday, you wondered how he'd spent his last normal day. Knowing him, he'd probably been at work all day.

You barricade the doors before slipping into the basement. Joel had spent time finishing it so it was nice for Sarah's sleepovers. You let Loki out before returning upstairs to bring down every nonperishable food item the home had to offer.

And so, there you sat with your cat, in your ex's basement, willing for him to magically appear and tell you everything was going to be okay.

March 2017

The Pittsburgh QZ was fucked. Royally fucked. The loud explosion from some truck filled your ears as you zipped your backpack shut. Loki let out a meow of protest as he disappeared in your bag. He was nearly 15 and his attitude about backpack travel wasn't improving.

You stick to the back alleys as you work towards finding an out. A decent-sized hole in a fence catches your eye and you take your chances, better than getting blown up by the Fireflies or FEDRA.

You're about 4 miles away from the carnage when a sizeable group catches your eye. They must've gotten out just like you.

A man, David, shares a can of flavorless chili with you and you sit on the ground beside him. But, the more you listen to him talk, you can't help but think he's a total nutcase. You thank him for the chili and the 8 cans of chicken noodle soup he's shared with you and decline his offer to join the group.

"We have so much to offer." He says in a soft voice, gesturing to the people scattered around eating and talking amongst themselves.

"I'll stick to just him, thanks though." You say petting Loki's head as you pull him from your backpack to place the cans of food inside.

"Suit yourself."

April 2017

You had dozed off. A rookie mistake to make in the apocalypse.

They had been on you before you knew what was happening. With nothing but a knife to your name to protect yourself, you were hopelessly outgunned.

"Look at what we have here." A deep voice booms, "A girl wondering in my woods, must be my lucky day."

A smelly man stands in front of you, and about 8 other men are circled around you. You squeeze your eyes shut as he lets a dirty finger trail over your face.

"How pretty."

A loud hiss cuts his next sentence. Loki, you brave boy, has climbed out of your backpack where he had been taking a nap. His back has hunched up and you don't miss the way his dark black fur is bristling in the low light of the sun disappearing behind the trees.

You aren't even able to try to arrange a deal for your baby as the man pulls a large knife from his belt and carelessly throws it at your cat.

A horrible screech from Loki fills your ears as the man coos at you and tells you it'll all be okay.

"We've got dinner boys!" The man who has killed your only friend in the whole world exclaims.

Your eyes slam shut as red blood begins to seep into the fabric of your backpack. The man says something about being a provider but you're too focused on choking back the tears that are forming in your eyes.

Hours later, you're tied to a tree stump, your arms behind your back. Your captors present you with a warm soup of sorts. Canned carrots and potatoes float in a clear broth but it's what sits in the center of the bowl that turns your stomach. What's left of your Loki is now being devoured by the men.

You can't do it. You had been starving, unable to catch anything for days. but you can't do it.

"Fine, don't eat." The leader and cat killer huffs as he runs his hands across your chest in an unpleasant matter, "You're going to wish you had though when we're done with you."

June 2017

The moon is your only light as you steal away into the night. Your heart is pounding but you can't or rather won't look back.

Your escape is credited to a man named Adam. He had always been softer to you than the rest. Less brutal than the others when he bent you over a tree stump and forced himself into your unwilling body, cooing in your ears about how good you felt even though you were dry.

Softer and easy to fool when you batted your eyelashes at him so he'd give you a second serving of the deer they'd killed. Gentle when he cleaned whatever wounds the others inflicted on you for their sick pleasure.

Tonight, you had used his softness against him. Crying and whimpering when he tied you to a tree, saying the restraints were too tight. He'd of course taken pity on you and loosened them before kissing your forehead and walking off to sleep.

It had been easy to slip out of the ropes thanks to Adam. You stole his backpack and stuffed it with as much deer jerky as you could get your hands on before snatching a gun off Adam's unknowing form.

Now, you were stumbling through the night, hoping to put as much distance between you and the men as possible.

Nearly three weeks had passed and you were still somehow free. The men hadn't found you and you were deep into the wilderness. Your freedom was something you had yearned for since the moment Loki had died. Yet, here you were, starving and wasting away because you couldn't kill anything to eat.

You drag your body into an old concrete building that was being used to control some form of dam. You rested your head on your backpack, thinking of how far you'd come.

Strangely though, you thought of your past. Fuzzy images of a college classroom came into your brain. Amelia's long blonde hair and the way she'd style it perfectly each day. Texas summers, filled with heat and perfectly seasoned barbeque.

What you wouldn't do for a big plate of ribs right now.

And then the curly hair of a little girl is dancing around your mind. Her warm laughter fills your mind as you think of Sarah Miller. With her sparkle filled sandals and her strange interest in gore filled horror films. You wondered if she was still out there somewhere. Perhaps stuck in some QZ with Joel.

Joel.

You think about Joel. You're sure you've thought of him more in the past three months than you did your whole relationship. Every night when one of your captors, or sometimes multiples had you every which way, you'd try to think about other things. Those other things often divulged into Joel and how gentle he'd been with you. Oh, how you missed his warm arms and soft southern twang. Hou you yearned for him even now. Your only real relationship experience was something you just couldn't let go.

When you were finally found by Maria, you were nearly ready for death. Brain filled with delusional thoughts of the past and starving, she had hoisted you up on her horse and rode off to Jackson, praying this mystery woman wouldn't die on the way there.

Winter 2023

You nearly fall over when his tired eyes meet yours. The loud voice of a young girl fills your ears.

"Do you two know each other?"

You push the stable door open to get a better look at the man who stands before you. For so many years you had pictured the man you dated for a few months, not trying to imagine the way the end of the world might've changed him. Your mind can't reconcile the Joel you once knew and the one before you.

For starters, he looks so tired. Graying curly hair sits atop his head, a salt and pepper beard adorns his face. Even his frame has changed, the winter coat he wears hides it but you can tell he's become riddled with muscle to take on the harsh outside world. The only thing that seems the same is his mustache, somehow untouched by time.

"Joel, wait up! There's something I gotta tell ya!"

Tommy's loud voice carries from wherever he is and you want to laugh at the younger Miller brother. Of course, he was going to try to intercept your meeting. Too bad he was too slow.

"Joel? Hello? Do you know her?" The girl asks again.

You glance at her, she can't be more than 14 or 15. Her pale skin is rosy against the cold Wyoming winter. She looks at you, probably for an answer since all Joel is doing is staring at you, most likely in shock.

Eventually, though, the man of the hour opens his mouth to speak,

"No, I don't know her."

This is my first time writing for Joel, hope you enjoyed :)

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@lunaticgurly @orcasoul

[faefictions]

Snow in Indiana

Eddie Munson x Reader

5.7k words

Eddie has spent the past decade thinking about the pen pal he lost touch with, but fate has a funny way of bringing people back together when they need it most

Warnings: family death (unedited bc it is 3am and I have been working on this for hours)

“Dear Eddie, 

Does it Snow in Indiana?” 

He had read the beginning of the note hundreds of times by now. He had memorized how each individual letter had been written and slightly smudged. He knew the entire contents of the letter by heart, but that never stopped him from coming back to it from time to time. 

“My grandma hasn’t told me much about Hawkins, just that it’s just like home. Except it’s on the other side of the country. Grandma likes the snow, so I hope you say yes.” 

Something about the innocent nature of your writing calmed him down when things got rough. He had received the note in the middle of August at the beginning of 6th grade. Your grandmother had just moved across the country, and she just so happened to be the Librarian at Eddie’s new middle school. She had told both of you that the other could use a friend, even if you were thousands of miles apart. She also insisted that being pen pals would improve both of your lackluster reading and writing skills. She meant well. 

“Can I tell you the truth? I didn’t want to write you a letter when grandma called and told me I should. My teachers say I’m not good at writing anyway. But Grandma also said maybe you and I could be friends. And I think I would like that.” 

Some of your words had been crossed out with pen, either from misspellings or second thoughts on phrasing. Eddie had stared at the paper for so long that he even knew what was underneath those scribbles. 

When the snow started coming down each winter, it was hard for him to not want to keep the letter on him at all times. The opening line of your first letter to him always floated into his head with the first snowflakes. 

He had written you back to assure you that it does snow in Indiana, that he too had troubles with pleasing his teachers with his school work, and of course, that he too would like to be friends. 

That was over 10 years ago now. He had never met you, never heard your voice, never learned what you looked like (besides the poorly drawn picture you had included for him one time) but you had been a part of him for his middle school years. 

The letters started slowing down in the 8th grade. You had told him you were nervous for high school, that you’d heard that kids were meaner there. The last letter he had sent you was in the summer before both of your freshman years. He hated that he couldn’t remember what he had said, what his last words to you were. All he knew was that he wished you luck for your first day. 

Then the letters stopped completely. After months of checking mailboxes impatiently, he got the hint and gave up. 

At the age of 24, he wishes he sent another letter. He wishes he got some closure on why you stopped writing. He had always wondered if it had been something he had said, or maybe you had just found new friends in high school and decided you didn’t need him anymore. 

He was embarrassed to admit that it was his first heartbreak. So he refused to admit it even happened to anyone he knew now. 

He tucked the old letter in his pocket as another patron entered the diner. He had picked up a second job as the night cook in hopes of saving up enough to to move out of the trailer with Wayne. It had been months of helping Wayne with bills now, and he was just barely starting to see the hard work pay off in his savings account. 

He peeked out the pass through window to get a glimpse of the first customer they’d had in the last hour and a half. The snow had been coming down hard, and it was preventing the already few people who would be coming in to the diner at this hour from showing up. He wasn’t surprised to see the young woman, somewhere around his age, follow the waitress quickly to the booth in the corner and sit down. He was, however, surprised to see no new car in the small lot outside. He hadn’t seen headlights arrive or depart to drop her off. The snow that has accumulated on her hair, even thought it has been covered with a hood, was making him think she had walked a distance to get here. If the counter hadn’t been blocking his view, he would have seen the bottom of her pants completely soaked through from the snow piled outside to confirm his suspicion. 

“Can you start on a stack of pancakes, Ed?”

He nodded at the waitress, Judy, who wasn’t usually one to whisper like she was now. She rushed off to the phone in the back office, which did nothing but pique the interest in Eddie’s under stimulated brain. 

Curiosity got the best of him, so he made his way out of the kitchen quickly, grabbed a mug from the counter and the full coffee pot, and made his way over the girl in the corner. 

You had been staring out the window, and Eddie recognized the look as he approached. You were doing your best to hold yourself together. He was used to this kind of customer at this time of night. People who really needed the company, who had nowhere else to go, often found their way here after midnight. But there was something different about you, and it wasn’t just that he had never seen you around town. No matter how hurt he could tell you were inside, you did your best to keep up a facade when you saw him approaching. 

“Coffee?” he offered, less poised than he had intended.

“Please,” you smiled up at him as he set down the mug and poured. He allowed himself to take you in, and that’s when he saw the snow still caked on to your sneakers, and the damp cloth stretching from the hem above your ankle nearly up to your knees. There was snow yet to melt from head to toe, and you were trying your best not to shake from the cold. 

“You walk here?” He tried to make light conversation as he chuckled, but you weren’t as chipper. 

“My car broke down about a mile up the road. Walking was my only option,” You tried to keep the smile on your face, but Eddie saw the look, almost like a shunned child. As if you were embarrassed by what you had done, preparing for the lecture or consequence coming your way. 

Before he could say anything, Judy returned from the back office. 

“Tow truck won’t be running ’til morning, darlin’. But I left a message telling them you’d call first thing,” Judy gave you a halfhearted smile, before turning to Eddie, “Where’s that stack I told you to start on?” 

“Right, sorry,” he quickly excused himself back to the kitchen, but did his best to listen for the conversation you were having on the other side of the room. 

“Where are you staying tonight? I can try to get you a ride there.” 

“My grandma’s house, well it used to be I guess. I think it’s just a few more miles into town, I’m not a hundred percent sure though, I’ve never been out here.” 

“Used to be your grandma’s house?”

“Yeah, she, uhm… passed away not long ago. Hard to own something six feet under,” you tried to joke, but failed to make either of you laugh, “Funeral service is next week, I came early to pack up her things. Guess I chose the wrong day to drive in though.” 

“I’d say. Well let me see what I can do, do you have the address?” 

“Yeah, it’s right…” you trailed off as you checked your pocket, slowly coming to realize that you had left the torn piece of paper with the address written on it on your passenger seat, right on top of the map you were struggling to follow in the heavy snow. “Guess I left it in the car.” 

Just as the realization was threatening to break you, Eddie came and set a fresh stack of 3 pancakes in front of you. 

“You eat up, it’s on the house. And let me know if you remember any of that address,” Judy smiled at you and walked into the back before you could refuse the free pancakes.

Eddie watched you for the next hour through the pass through window. No other customers came in, so he didn’t exactly have anything better to do. It was nearing 4 am, the end of Eddie’s shift. He had cleaned his station in the kitchen faster than he ever had and made his way out to your table to check on your before he left. 

“Any luck with that address?”

“Don’t think I’d remember it with a gun to my head. I might as well walk back and grab it.” 

“Not a chance. My shift is over in a few minutes. Why don’t I drive you back to your car, you can grab it, and I can get you there.”

“I couldn’t possibly-“

“No need to be polite. You’ve had a rough enough night, let’s just get you home.”

You didn’t correct his phrasing. This was the furthest you had ever been from home, and you were sure as hell feeling that in this strange diner with barely a concept of where you were. The snow falling outside only exacerbated your feeling of being out of place. 

Eddie rushed to the back to grab his belongings and wish Judy a good night, letting her know he was going to get you out of there, before he made his way back out to you. You had brought the hood of your sweatshirt back up, and were staring out at the snow silently. He approached cautiously and gently spoke, “Let’s get out of here,” before guiding you through the door. 

“I’m Eddie, by the way. Sorry I didn’t properly introduce myself earlier.” 

You paused at his name, but he was too busy trying to find his van through the wall of snow to notice. 

“I’m y/n, thanks again for helping. You and Judy are both angels.” 

He smiled at your name for a moment, but kicked the idea from his mind. 

Both of you thought of the letters you had sent all those years ago, unaware that the person climbing into the same car as you was in fact the person you were reminiscing on. 

Eddie shook the snow out of his hair like a wet dog before starting the van. 

“Left out of the lot?” 

“Yeah,” you smiled. 

“You know, I’ve helped fix up a few cars in my day. I could take a look under the hood for you when we get there if you’d like.”

“You’re already helping enough, thank you though.”

“I really don’t mind. Can’t hurt just to take a look.” 

The glance and smile he shot you made your stomach do flips. In the low light of the passing, sparse streetlights, he looked incredibly handsome. Your mind wandered back to what you thought your Eddie looked like back in middle school. You had sent him a drawing of yourself, mostly as a joke since your drawing skills as a 12 year old weren’t amazing, but you were also trying to send him the message that you desperately wanted to know him better. Of course, when your grandmother had insisted you become pen pals with a strange boy, you weren’t too happy about the idea, but as time went on, the sound of a friend sounded too nice. You hadn’t had many of them in elementary school, and it concerned your family. But as your friendship with Eddie grew with each letter, you found yourself hoping for something, anything, more. Now, as an adult, you blame your adolescent brain for the silly crush. But that didn’t stop you from thinking about him from time to time, still wondering what he might be doing in that moment, or if he is happy. But most of all, you wondered if he missed you as much as you missed him. 

“You doing alright over there?” he asked you over the quiet metal playing over the speakers. He was playing it at about 1% of the volume he usually listened at, in an attempt to not scare you off just yet. 

“Yeah, just a long night,” you smiled back at him. He nearly assured you that you could be real with him, that he could tell that something more was bothering you, but he worried that would be coming on too strong. And before he could find a way to say it without sounding creepy, you pointed out your car on the side of the road with a sigh. 

It had only been a couple hours since you had left it, but it was nearly buried in the snow. 

“That’s a little more difficult to check out,” He chuckled as he pulled to the side of the road, lighting up your car with his headlights. 

“It’s fine, I’ll just go grab the address and we can get going,” you tried not to sigh as you opened the passenger door. 

“Wait a second,” Eddie reached for your hand before you could make it out of the car, “I’m fine with taking a look, and I can grab the address too. No need for you to get cold again.” 

“I already walked a mile in the snow earlier, I don't think a minute out there will kill me.”

“All the more reason for you to stay in here if you ask me.”

“Fine, but skip looking under the hood. I can call the tow truck when I wake up, it should be fine until then. Even if you could fix it with nothing, I don’t think I should be driving any more today.”

“Long trip?”

“Since 8 am. I really just want to get to sleep.”

“Deal,” he smiled again before stretching his hand out to you, “Keys?”

You reluctantly let him have the keys to go grab the paper, but not before trying to assure him you were capable of grabbing it yourself. You watched him as he rushed as fast as he could through the near foot of snow, grabbed the address, and rushed back to the van. 

“You didn’t lock it,” you stated, nervous to not to sound nagging. 

“I know, do you have a bag or something I can grab for you?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be, where is it?”

“It’s in the back seat on the passenger side. It’s a small black suitcase.”

“You got it, here, take this,” he handed you the torn paper with your grandmother’s previous address written on it in a handwriting that would have been familiar to him, had he glanced down at it. 

He ran back to grab your suitcase, and made sure to double check that the doors had locked after he shut them before he rushed back to the van. He threw your suitcase in the backseat before jumping back into the drivers seat. 

“I don’t know how you lasted a mile in that, I’m already freezing,” he complained, but his smile still refused to leave his face. 

“I’m sorry,” you tried yet again to apologize. 

“Don’t be,” he paused to look you in the eye to assure you that he wasn’t upset in the slightest, “Now let’s see that address. Hopefully I actually know where it is.”

You handed him the paper, and even in the low light, you couldn’t miss the way his face fell, even for a millisecond. He hadn’t seemed to stop smiling all night, but the second he saw the paper, it faltered for just a moment. 

“Everything ok?” 

He looked up at you, and you could tell he wanted to say something, but thought better of it. 

“Yeah, uhm, this is on the other side of town though. It’s a bit of a drive, is that ok?”

“I’d rather drive a little further than stay in my car tonight. So yeah, it’s fine,” you giggled, relieved that he didn’t seem angry or annoyed with you like you thought. 

But he had seen the handwriting. He would know it anywhere, yet he still wouldn’t let himself get caught up in the coincidences. You were just a girl with similar handwriting, and the same name. You weren’t his y/n. He could never be so lucky. 

“So, what brings you to town?” he asked after a moment of driving. 

“It isn’t the happiest story, and I don’t want to be a bummer.” 

“I’m nosey, and that does nothing to curb my interest,” he joked. He just needed to prod, he needed to know if he was being crazy. 

“My grandma passed… about a week ago now. Her funeral is next week, but someone needed to clean up her house for the service, and no one else wanted to make the drive out.” 

“Do you have any other family in the area to help out?”

“No, she only had 2 sons. My dad and my uncle, and they’re both back west. She moved here, like, 12 years ago now I think. Maybe 13.” 

Just another coincidence. He’s not this lucky. 

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

You looked at him out of the corner of your eyes. You hadn’t heard that yet. Just stressed adults complaining about how traveling in the winter was too much of a hassle. Hearing those words, from a near stranger no less, was enough to make you tear up. And Eddie could hear that in your voice when you thanked him, but he chose not to comment on it. 

“So,” you began after a moment of awkward silence, “How long have you lived in Hawkins?”

“My whole life.”

“Do you like it here?”

“Uh… It has its moments,” he tried his best to hide his discontent with the town. If it weren’t for his uncle, his band, and his small group of friends, he would have ran for the hills by now. He was too attached to them to run… and also lacking the funds to do so. 

“That good huh?” you laughed. 

“Hate to sound like an ass, but there are definitely plenty of cons that outweigh the pros for me half the time. But that’s not everyone’s experience.”

“Grandma seemed to like it, but she also liked it back home, and it’s no cake walk back there.” 

You almost spat the end of your sentence, and although it wasn’t spoken explicitly, Eddie understood. 

“Sorry, I don’t mean to keep bringing the conversation down. It’s just been a really long week.”

“I believe it,” He paused, “So how long are you going to be staying in town then?”

“I have no idea. Rumor is Grandma left me the house. And even if she did…. I’m sorry, I’ve been awake for almost 24 hours now, and driving for over 15 of them. I know you really don’t need to hear any of this.” 

You started to make your body as small as possible, hyper aware of how loudly you had been speaking, and how riled up you were getting. Your father would have hated to see it. But not Eddie. 

“No, keep going. Like I said, I’m nosey, and it sounds like you could use someone to talk to about this.” 

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” he agreed nonchalantly, unaware how much it meant to you. 

“My grandma and I were really close before she moved. She didn’t get along with either of her sons, but she was the world to me as a kid. And my dad put up no effort to even reach out to her in the past decade, but he expects all of her stuff to be left to him, and my uncle wants the same. But my mom told me that one of them had reason to believe that she left it all to me. I don’t even know where they heard it, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not ungrateful, I promise. I just don’t know what to do about the two grown men that she apparently left out of the will if that’s true, and how mad they’re going to be at me.” 

“They wouldn’t be mad at you.” 

“You don’t know my dad,” you scoffed. You knew damn well that the man wasn’t afraid of throwing a tantrum, especially if it came to money. And he wouldn’t care if you were the one getting hurt in the process. 

“What would they have to be mad at you for though? For your Grandma loving you enough to leave you something to start your life on? How is that your fault?”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s my fault, they just care that they get their share. If it’s left to me, I might as well just divvy it up before they say anything.”

“But that’s not what you want, is it?”

“I just don’t want to have any issue with them.” 

“I’m sorry, that’s not fair to you.” 

“You really need to stop being so nice, you’re going to make me cry,” you chuckled, genuinely fighting back the tears as you spoke. 

“Sorry,” he chuckled back. He took a subject before continuing. “Have you seen the house? Like have you ever visited?”

“No, actually. Who knows, maybe it’s a real fixer upper and I’d be better off passing it on to my uncle,” you giggled, and that put the smile back on Eddie’s face. 

“If I didn’t mess up the address, it should just be in this next neighborhood.”

You kept saying that all you wanted was to get some rest after your long day, but now that you were talking to Eddie, you didn’t want the drive to end. The disappointment hit you like a rock as he pulled into the driveway of your grandmothers old house, but the feeling quickly turned to something else as you looked out the window to see the beautiful 2 story house with large trees on either side. 

“So much for the fixer upper theory,” Eddie said with a whistle, but you were speechless. This was much more than you had been anticipating, much nicer than you had spent your younger years picturing every time you missed your grandma. 

“You ok?” he asked after a moment of silence. 

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, I was just taking it in,” you chuckled nervously, still staring at the house. 

“Why don’t we get you inside?” He said, reaching in the back for your suitcase. You put a hand gently on his arm to stop him, and he looked up to see your nearly empty stare, still on the building in front of you. 

“Can you give me just a minute? I’m sorry, I know it’s late.” 

“No, it’s fine… Are you ok?”

“Yeah…Yeah, It just,” you trailed off for a moment, “I hadn’t seen her in years. Had no idea what her house looked like, or what she looked like anymore. I got letters, I got calls, but… Part of all this didn’t feel as real. Going in there, that’s real.” 

“Want me to come in with you?”

“No, that’s fine. I just need a second.” 

“Have you ever lost anyone before?”

You didn’t answer, just shook your head as you moved your eyes from the house to him. 

“Let me walk you in. You shouldn’t be alone for that.” 

You looked back at the house for a moment, took a deep breath, and nodded your head. 

Eddie carried your suitcase through the front door, and you both kicked off your shoes before stepping on the carpet. You took a deep breath before reaching for the light switch. Eddie sensed your hesitation as your fingers hovered. He took the opportunity to grab the fingers of your other hand. It gave you enough courage to turn on the light in the entry way. 

The furniture was mostly unfamiliar. You could see a few pieces in the living room that you had remembered from your childhood, and the sense of nostalgia calmed you. Eddie let you walk ahead of him, letting go of your hand as you ventured further into the room. Slowly but surely, you made your way to a wall on the other side of the room. It was covered in pictures, new and old, of your grandma with family and friends. You recognized yourself in plenty of them, but the newer ones were the ones that you couldn’t stop looking at. She looked so much older that you had remembered, but still had the youthful glow to her that you had attributed to her mischievousness. No matter how old she got, how wrinkled her face grew, or how gray her had and gotten, you still recognized her. Part of your heart began to ache for not knowing her as she was before she passed. It had been so long. 

You felt Eddie approach you from behind, and you expect him to say something nice, or encouraging. But he didn’t. He was surprisingly quiet. You turned to make sure he was alright, but he didn’t seem fine. He was staring at one of the photos on the wall, and he looked like he was about to be sick.

“Are you ok, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Uh, yeah,” he replied, still white as a sheet as he tore his eyes from the photo to look at you. He barely shot you a half smile before looking back up at the pictures. You took a step back to stand next to him. 

“I just remembered that she worked at the middle school when she moved here. Did you know her?”

“Yeah.”

“…Did you like her?” you tried asking after waiting for him to say anything more. 

“Yeah, she introduced me to my best friend.”

“Me too,” you smiled at the memory of your old pen pal. 

“Someone back home?”

“No, actually. I probably shouldn’t refer to him as that still. We haven’t spoken in… years actually.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said, finally peeling his eyes away from the photos on the wall. 

He should have said more, but he didn’t know what else to say. This was her. He was in shock. The girl he had spent the last decade wondering about had wandered into his diner. His thoughts were moving a mile a minute, he felt like he could physically hear them, and it was hard to focus on anything you had possibly said. But luckily, you weren’t saying much. 

He followed you like a ghost as you explored the first floor of the house. You were happy you had arrived before anyone else. You had the chance to see the house how she had left it, how she had lived in it. It gave you a sense of closure you weren’t going to get otherwise, it felt as if you were getting a sense of knowing her once again. You were caught up in it until you saw a clock on the wall, reading nearly 5 am. Realization hit you that you were keeping Eddie, and a sense of guilt washed over you. You turned to find him, with a bit of color returned to his face. 

“It’s really late, I’m sorry I’ve kept you. You can go home if you’d like. I’m sure you want to get some rest too after your shift.” 

He took a second, before asking, “Are you sure you’ll be alright?” And you hesitated before nodding. 

“Honestly, the roads are pretty bad out there. I could stay on the couch, help you figure out your car in the morning. How does that sound?”

He way have been a complete stranger just hours ago, but you really did feel like you could trust him. So you smiled and nodded. 

“I’ll go find some blankets for you,” you smiled before disappearing up the stairs. Eddie didn’t expect you to come back for a while. You were bound to find your grandmothers bedroom and need to look around for a while. He made his way back to the living room while he waited. He stared at the wall again, but not in shock this time. Now that he knew was 24 year old you looked like, he desperately want to see what 12 year old you looked like. He found a picture near the middle of the wall, of a young girl smiling at the camera. It was the only photo on the wall without your grandmother in it. She had your eyes, had your smile, but most importantly, she actually looked like the drawing he had received all those years ago. You weren’t as bad of an artist as you’d thought. Eddie tried not to grow emotional staring at the photo. He only tore his eyes away from the picture of younger you when he heard you making your way back down the stairs.

Before you could reach Eddie, you paused by the window next to the back door, blankets in hand. The snow coated the back yard, reflecting the light from the back porch into the sky. You began to tear up, just as Eddie approached to take the blankets from you. He saw one of the first tears fall down your cheek, and quickly, but gently put an arm around you. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just… Is this what it looks like every winter?” you asked, looking up at him with misty eyes. 

“For parts of it, yeah. Why?”

“Grandma loved the snow,” was all you could reply before looking back out at the yard. 

He contemplated it for a second, fought himself on whether or not this was the right moment to say it, but he couldn’t help himself. 

“I told you she’d like it here” 

A moment passed as you processed what he had said. You gasped quietly, quickly turning your head to face him. He looked nervous, as if he had just handed his heart to you on a platter, waiting to see if you would reject it. 

“Eddie?” you asked cautiously, and you both knew what the question really was. 

“Yeah,” he nodded, still nervous and unable to read what you were thinking. 

“You stopped writing,” was all you could get out before another tear dropped. 

“What?”

“Y-you stopped writing,” you repeated, beginning to choke on your breathes as you spoke. 

He nearly panicked as he tried to reply. 

“Y/n, w-what do you mean? I only stopped writing when you stopped replying.”

“Oh my god, it’s really you,” you couldn’t stop looking at him, another tear dropping down your cheek. Your exhaustion was exaggerating your emotions, but you may have felt the same regardless. You had waited 12 years for this moment. 

“Yeah. Why don’t we go sit down,” he smiled at you, before herding you towards the couch. 

“Y/n,” he spoke softly as he crouch in front of you, one hand resting on each of your knees as you sat on the couch, “What do you mean I stopped writing?”

“I sent you a letter, you never replied.”

“That’s impossible, I waiting for months to hear back from you. There’s no way I missed a letter from you.”

“No, I sent one, and I waited, but you never replied. You broke my heart Eds,” you quietly began to sob, filled with too many mixed emotions. 

Eddie quickly sat next to you on the couch and pulled you to his chest to comfort you the best he could, but he was still confused. He had checked his own mailbox, his neighbors mailboxes, other houses in town with the same street number as his trailer. This didn’t add up. He quietly shushed you as he thought. 

“What did the last letter say?” he asked as you began to calm down just slightly. He had half the collection of your letters memorized, but especially the first and last. He would know if he had read it if you described it. 

“It was before Freshman year, I told you how scared I was that all the kids were going to be mean. I was so afraid that I was going to get singled out for still having no friends, and I waited for months to hear back from you. But you never wrote back. You were my only friend, and you stopped writing.”

“No, sweetheart, I would never,” he sighed as his heart dropped. He got that letter, he replied to it. Which meant that she never got his last letter. Neither of them had stopped writing on purpose, they had both assumed the other had given up. But he had sent out one last letter that was unaccounted for.

“Sweetheart, can you look at me,” he gently guided you to look up at him, “I promise you, I wrote back. I don’t know what happened to it, but I never would have stopped writing like that. I thought you had just ignored my last letter.”

“You wrote,” you said quietly, and Eddie couldn’t tell if it was a question, or if you were trying to reassure yourself. 

“I did, I promise,” he whispered as he swept a tear off your cheek with his thumb. 

And though you still needed to know what happened to his letter, and you had had one of the longest days of your life, nothing mattered more to you in that moment than leaning in, slowly. You took a second, pausing right before reaching his lips so he could pull away if he wanted, but he didn’t. It was a quick kiss, but it was gentle and sweet. Eddie didn’t try to pull you in for another, but he didn’t want to part as you pulled away. 

It took him a second to open his eyes again, but when he did, he was smiling just as big as you. 

“You ok?” he asked for what must have been the hundredth time that night. But unlike every other time you had answered, this time you told him the truth. 

“I am now.”

(may or may not be already trying to figure out a part 2 for this, depending on if people like it <3 )

@embrace-themagic @fanficparker  @heartbeats-wildly @saturn-aka-six @calum-hoodwinked-me @peterplanet @mischiefmanaged49 @nicotine-sunshine820 @itsjusttor @emistrash @thenoddingbunny-blog @sovereignparker @raajali3 @eddielives1986 @eddieswifu @chickpeadumpsterfire @fluffybunnyu @panagiasikelia @canthavetoomuchchaos @whenshelanded @starlitlakes @witchwolflea @ali-r3n @g0thdraculaura @celestcies

[trolllsss]

Branch's parents getting eaten is great angst but might I propose

“I remember when you hatched-” John Dory began.

“What day was it?” Branch asked.

“What?”

“What was the date?” Branch didn’t remember the exact date. He’d only been five when his Grandma was eaten, he hadn’t paid much attention to numbers back then. He knew it was the middle of winter.

“Uh, it was winter. The middle of winter. Right after Mom and Dad. That would have been…” John fumbled. Clay did some quick mental math.

"Twenty-four years ago?”

Wow so they didn’t remember the exact date either.

“Wow that’s, that’s longer than I thought’d been.” Bruce said, looking at the Branch with new eyes.

Floyd shook his head and corrected,

“It’s been twenty three. He hatched the week after Mom and Dad left. It was in the new year.”

“Woah, woah woah woah woah woah. Left? As in not eaten?”

Everyone went still and silent.

“Grandma… didn’t ever tell you?” Clay asked.

“Wh- no! They weren’t eaten by a Bergan?”

“No.”

“A bird?”

“No?”

“A Tarantupuff?!”

“No- is that what you’ve thought?”

“Well yeah! I might have been five but I could tell they were a sore subject so I never brought them up!" Branch shouted, chest heaving and expression distressed.

“Branch, hon, breathe. Calm down.” Poppy said, arms raised slightly, as if she were approaching a frightened animal.

“No! No. I just found out that leaving me behind is a family trait, I am allowed to freak out about it!”

Poppy looked stricken and then corrected herself.

“You’re right, you are completely right. Sorry, old habits.”

“Why did they leave?” He asked, looking back at his brothers.

Floyd checked to see if any of his brothers were going to respond.

Of course they weren’t.

As much as Floyd hated it, he had started to understand his parents better as he got older. They thought they were done raising kids. Floyd was practically a teenager when Branch’s egg came along. They could see freedom and Independence just a few years off and then, suddenly, they had to give their all to another kid for another eighteen years.

“They loved you Branch, really they did. It’s just that kids are a lot of work. Trollings are even more work. And Trolls, trolls just wanna have fun.”

Branch staggered back. Rather than assured and comforted like Floyd had intended, he looked stricken. He whispered,

“It was me? They, they left because of me?”

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

Don't cry. || Nikto

[MASTERLIST]

Rating: E Words: 3K~ (this one got away from me) Pairing: rogue asset!Nikto x civilian!Reader cw: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT., bad/incorrect medical care, injuries (described), being held at gunpoint, verbal and physical threats, blood and gore. other tags: you/your pronouns. fat/chubby!reader, no russian. Summary: A stranger takes you hostage in your own home and demands medical care... But you might have gotten more than you can chew. a/n: YES, Nikto’s voice actor is only 5ft10 but he’s 6ft5 in my mind, and I’m in charge sooo.

It's cold as all fucking hell in your small town. No. Not as all hell. Because you're pretty sure hell is supposed to be boiling hot.

Why did your family have to come from this small town in bum-fuck-nowhere Russia? And more importantly why did you decide to move back here after college?

Oh, yeah. The house. The little home that your grandma lived in since she was a child, that was fully paid and required no rent, and had very low property taxes due to it being ancient… And was left to you in her will. 

Well, in days like these, you can't help but despise the stupid fucking house. 

The pipes are frozen, which means you've resorted to getting water from the local firehouse every morning, as do the rest of your neighbors. Plus, it's freezing even with multiple layers of clothes and socks and scarves on. You sleep in front of the fireplace all winter and still fear you'll be dead in the morning.

Every year it's the damn same.

Maybe going to study in Moscow and then doing your master's and doctorate abroad softened you up. But you didn't remember it being so fucking cold.

Having as much meat on your bones as you do, it really shouldn't be as difficult as it is to withstand the cold. Sometimes you wonder if all those damn studies about how fat helps preserve body heat didn't apply only when people had heat to preserve.

Those are the thoughts in your head as you throw your last log in the fireplace and realize you need to get more from the woodpile outside. "Mother fucker goddamn piece of shit..." You complained.

Throwing on a winter coat over your robe, you stuff your double-socked feet into your winter boots, cover your head with a beanie and wrap yourself in a scarf.

Then you venture outside with the flashlight from your junk drawer, to illuminate the way. The wind outside is biting and the snow is tall, causing you to almost trip over your own feet.

"Fuck... fuck... fuck... cold." You grumble under your breath.

Sticking the flashlight between your teeth, you grab a few logs of firewood and slip them vertically into a black milk crate at your feet, trying to hurry so you can go back inside.

As soon as the box is stacked as full as you can carry, you bend at the knees and hurl it up by the handles, gritting your teeth against the flashlight between your teeth.

That's when you feel something hard press against the back of your head... and you hear a muffled voice. "Don't scream. Don't look back. Just move." The command chills your spine more than the -17ºC weather outside.

Your eyes shoot wide open in a panic and you have to force yourself to resist trying to look back. Instead, you nod and wobble your way along to the backdoor while carrying the heavy crate of firewood.

Once you slip inside, you set the crate down in the kitchen floor and take the opportunity to look out of the corner of your eye at the the stranger that held you hostage. 

He slams the door shut behind you and deadbolts it shut, then he rushes to the window, ripping the curtains shut.

He's wearing a flight suit and military gear but it's all in a navy color that you don't recognize… Maybe the Navy? But what would a Navy soldier being doing here alone, in the middle of the woods in your land locked town? Plus, he's clearly armed, carrying a pistol in one hand. The other wraps around his midsection and he's leaving a trail of small blood droplets on your floor.

His face is covered by a mask that looks more like a bunch of denim patched together than anything, leaving only his eyes showing. It’s even bolted to itself to not be easily removable.

“Where?” He asks you, eyes and gun trained on you as you straighten up and show your hands in innocence.

“Where… Where what?” You ask in confusion. Your body trembles all over and you’re pretty sure that you’re going to piss your pants if he keeps staring at you like that and barking vague orders at you.

“WHERE?!” He insists, raising his voice in a growl that sounds more animal than human. “WHERE. ARE. WE?” He adds, his voice boiling with anger and condescension.

“P-Provrsk!” You shout the name of your town as you flinch away from his own raised voice. Your gaze is locked onto him, taking in his mask and the blue eyes that stare at you from behind them.

You’ve never had to worry about a masked intruder in your home, ever. This is a small town, this sort of thing doesn’t happen here. Especially not one that looks like he’s deserted from the FSB.

“DATE?” He shouts at you again, making you flinch once more as your whole body tenses and curls into itself in fear. 

“8th of February… Thursday.” You reply, your eyes beginning to well up in tears. “Please… don’t hurt me…”

You’ve never been the crybaby type, in fact, you’d say you’re pretty good at staying contained in your day-to-day life, even when life is beating you down… But something about a 2 meter tall man in your kitchen shouting at you while waving a pistol around terrifies you to your very core…

With a deep breath, he leans himself back against the kitchen counter and another animalistic growling escapes him as his left leg straightens and twitches under him, his knee likely weakened. He’s still clutching his side with his hand and more blood puddles at his feet, dripping between gloved fingers.

He looks like he’s immeasurable amounts of pain and considering he seems to have walked here with an injury that’s still bleeding, you can’t help but wonder if the adrenaline isn’t starting to wear off.

The sight of him is pitiful… And for a moment he’s not some terrifyingly “You need… a doctor?” You ask him, more in a tone of affirmation than of question. He needs a doctor and you know it.

“No doctor.” He replies sharply, showing he still has all his mental faculties in place… Somewhat.

“You’re hurt.” You remark softly. “Bleeding all over my floor.” You add. You’re trying your best not to shake and cry and you’re not quite sure you’re succeeding.

“No doctor.” He insists as he shifts his weight around on his legs and hisses. "Needle, thread and alcohol." He demands of you and you’re not stupid enough to disagree with the armed man.

“In the upper cabinet behind you… The metal tin.” You instruct while barely pointing your finger at the cabinet door on his left side for fear that any more sudden movements will cause him to take you as a threat.

He sets the gun very carefully on the edge of the counter so that his free hand can reach up and over, patting at the cabinet, throwing the door open and feeling around inside for the aforementioned metal tin.

He’s been smart enough to put your small kitchen table between you either way, preventing any sudden lunging activity from you.

He never once turns his back on you, not even his face. His eyes are still locked on you, sending shivers down your body, making sure you don’t try anything… Not that you’d be stupid enough to dare.

He finally grabs the repurposed butter cookie tin and sets it next to him on the counter before grabbing the pistol once more and aiming it at you. “Metal spoon.” He demands.

“Over there… second drawer from the left…” You point discreetly at the drawer by the stove. 

“Get one.” He demands again and so you do, hands raised, taking very tentative steps across the kitchen, your heavy snow boots thudding against the floor.

Carefully, you lower your hand and pull open the drawer. Before you can even try to grab a spoon, you hear him bark at you again. “Only a spoon. Don’t try to grab a knife.” He warns you. 

Nodding very slowly, you reach inside the drawer and retrieve a metal table spoon and show it to him. “Stove.” He orders you again.

“Heat it up?” You ask softly and he grunts in what you assume is confirmation as he nods curtly at you. “I need matches.” You point at the drawer again and very slowly fetch the box of matches before closing the drawer.

Turning very carefully toward the old stove, you turn one of the knobs and strike a match, lighting the burner before extinguishing the match. “Heat the handle.” He demands and you nod in understanding as you peek at him sheepishly.

Slowly, you grip the spoon by the bowl and hold the metal handle over the flame, moving it ever so slightly to ensure an even heating up of the tip, your eyes locked on the flame and the slowly reddening type of the metal spoon.

While your back is turned, you can hear some rustling and a heavy thud on the floor. You assume he’s getting rid of his heavy gear in order to patch himself up… “Hurry up.” He barks.

“I can’t speed up the fire.” You reply softly, too afraid to speak too loud. 

“Watch your tongue, or else I’ll cut it off.” He adds, his voice grunted through as you hear some more rustling. His threat was enough to send chills down your spine and sent you back into muteness. 

Another minute or so later, you can feel the heat spreading across the whole spoon and even the bowl is too hot to hold. “It’s ready.”

“Move, quick.” He demands and you turn to face him, finding him still in the same spot, across the kitchen, leaning against the wall. He’s shed his plate vest, and undone the zipper of his flight suit, removing the sleeves and leaving it to hang around his hip. That exposes his torso completely, per lack of any undershirts or other layers. You wonder how he hasn’t frozen out there in just a flight suit…

The sight of him is so shocking and… disgusting. You feel your stomach turning, the warm meal you had an hour ago threatening to come out the way it came. He’s covered in scars, his chest speckled in patches of red skin or pale, melaninless skin, something you can only assume are burn scars.

The right half of his torso is covered in dried blood, sporting a hapharzard, thick suture that you can only assume he did a few days ago considering how swollen and red the skin around it is… Infected.

And, of course, the pouring, wet, red blood that escapes from his left side… It looks like he took a gash on it… maybe a gunshot, maybe an explosion, who’s to say… But he’s definitely got a hole and he’s leaking like a faucet.

“MOVE!” He barks at you, causing you to jump, startled out of from your shock-induced trance and you quickly rush over. He grabs the spoon from you with more aggression than you expected and shoves you away with a swift elbow to your side, to force you away from him. You fall on your ass, grunting softly upon landing. 

When you were younger, kids used to joke that all your fat would serve as an airbag in the case of a car crash, but the truth is, as you landed on the floor, you ass and legs hurt… As did you side from the elbow you took to it.

Your eyes well up in tears at the soreness on your body, as well as the sound that escapes him and reverberates through your kitchen as he sticks the red-hot spoon handle onto his open wound, gritting his teeth behind his mask as he cauterizes the wound shut. The sound is terrifying, like a gurgle mixed with a shout and an animalistic growl. (find the scream inspo here) 

You don’t want to look. But he’s doing this inches away from your face. You can’t help but watch in horror.

HIs legs shake underneath him and he struggles to keep himself upright but succeeds by landing his elbow and forearm on the edge of the counter. The hand that’s holding the pistol, the left one, flexes around the handle, fingers trembling with the pain. He struggles to stay on his feet as his right hand keeps softly twisting the spoon handle in his wound before pulling it out.

He grunts as he lets the bloody spoon fall on the floor at his feet and his head falls back with a couple more grunts and huffs, resting on the upper cabinets, his right hand clutching the wound again for a moment. You’re sobbing on the floor. Something about the sight you just got broke your resolve for a moment. You’re afraid… Very much so.

Just as you’re trying to calm yourself down, crawling backward over to the table to use a table as support to stand up from the floor, the sewing supplies tin crashes onto the floor at your feet with a ruckus so loud you can’t help but squeal.

Looking up at him, you notice him glaring at you. “Suture.” He demands angrily.

“I-” You attempt to speak but you can’t. Too afraid and too choked up to succeed in more than a light stammer.

“SUTURE!” He repeats his demand, his voice loud and sending chills to the innermost part of you as he leans forward a bit to look at you.

“STOP YELLING AT ME!” You shout in return through whimpers and whines.

“Stop crying. You have no reason to cry yet.” He warns you, his voice bitter and mean.

Your whole body quakes as you sob and scramble up on all fours, to grab the tin of sewing supplies from the floor.  You pop it open with shaky hands and rummage inside, searching for your pink pin cushion and, upon finding it, you plucked out a needle.

“You’re scaring me…” You were able to get out through trembling lips as you grab a spool of black thread.

“We will do much worse than scare you if you don’t start moving faster.” He tells you. “Do not test my capacity for violence.” He adds. “Now move.”

Slowly, you crawl over to him and kneel between his parted legs. You’re so close, you can smell him… And he smells gross… He reeks of sweat and piss, which mixes with the metallic scent of his blood, and gunpowder that lingers on his flightsuit which he now wears as pants only.

Your trembling form makes you struggle to thread the needle but after a few attempts, you succeed and unfurl much more thread than you’d realistically need. While you do so, his pistol changes grips and his right hand holds it aimed right at your head.

Slowly, you push the needle through his skin, grimacing at the wet noise it makes as you drag it through and you hold back a gag and a sob as you try your best to suture him shut. 

You don’t know much about medicine… But you’re pretty sure you’re supposed to do a ladder stitch so you can pull the thread taut at the end and ensure the injury closes… So that’s what you start doing, trying your best to not tremble all the way through it.

He’s holding himself surprisingly calmly through it as you stab his skin/wound multiple times… You risk looking up at him, your eyes still teary, your lips trembling, your face red from holding back tears and a gag. 

All you find is a pair of soulless blue eyes staring down at you through the two holes of that mask. They seem as cold and unforgiving as the snow outside… They’re bloodshot and the pupils are dilated. And he seems to be looking at you with a predatory gaze that makes you feel small and insignificant.

"Who are you...?" You ask tentatively, surprising yourself at how small your voice sounded, how meek.

"Nobody." He reply  as he leaned the pistol against your temple. “Finish.” He demands. 

Gulping and nodding, you finish the stitching and pull it taut, which earns you a hiss from him. You tie off the thread and snip it off with a pair of little scissors from the sewing supply box.

Just as you’re about to pull away from him, the needle between your pointer and middle fingers and your hands raised in an act of peace, he pistol whips you across the temple.

You squeal in pain, and throw your hands on the floor to support yourself from fully falling on your side, losing the needle somewhere in the tile floor of the kitchen. Your eyes are cloudy with tears again as you whimper in pain, unaware of what caused that violence. 

Is he going to kill you? Steal from you? Make you prisoner in your own home?

“Don’t move.” He demands. “It’s not finished.” He warns you as you struggle to get back on your sore knees.

You watch in horror as he shifts position, to no longer be kneeling on his elbow on the counter, and instead straightens up. His right hand continues pointing the gun at you and, very slowly, the left inches his flight suit down some more.

Slowly, you’re exposed to the sight a large gash across his left thigh, that draws down diagonally to his left knee which is swollen red and bruised…

As well as an obvious lack of underwear and a semi-hardened cock laying against his right thigh, the hilt surrounded by bushy blonde pubes. Your eyes double in size and you have to once again contain yourself from gagging and crying in disgust.

“Get back to work.” He demands as he points at the wounds on his leg. “And don't you dare cry." He adds. "Or else I'll give you other reasons to cry about.” He warns as his hand glides over his cock.

This is fully inspired by the beautiful work written by @391780, gotta love all the nikto ficlets and all the fat!reader stuff! Also wrote this a bit as a request by @ms-rayray who asked me for fat!reader stuff, and also a shoutout to @xxshadowbabexx and her eternal love for nikto.

[cartoonguy08]

So I saw this one board thing a while ago and I thought it’d be fun to do it just cuz, and also so you guys know me a bit better 🤙 (I should probably do that one pinned post where people intro themselves huh?)

More detail if you want, as well as the board I used to do this with 👍

Movie - Hunchback of Notre Dame: Guys this movie is my everything and my childhood I was TERRIFIED of it as a kid but now I watch it and admire every aspect of it every SPEC and crumb of this movie is everything to me. The animation to the soundtrack to the characters to the backgrounds—OMG CAN I MENTION THE BEAUTIFUL BACKGROUNDS FOR THIS MOVIE JESUS—everything, absolutely everything of this movie is beloved by me ESPECIALLY my all time favorite villain Claud Frollo, guys, I LOVE (HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE ABSOLUTELY HATE HIM I WANT TO PUT HIM IN A BLENDER SO BAD OMG YES TAKE HIM TO HELL GUYS I HATE THIS GUY I HATE HIM SO MUCH 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️) him so much you wouldn’t believe I am an absolute SUCKER for characters who are just the shittiest people ever and that are villains and that deserve everything that happens to them because they are massive hypocrites. Did I mention why I love Claud Frollo?

Hobby - Drawing: In general, I try and draw as much as I can. I’m pretty busy with school and friends and life in general but I will never pass up a moment to just doodle silly cartoon shit. I love cartoons, they are everything to me, and I will give me life to become in animator holy shit. I love it, I’ve been loving it since I was born dawg 🤙

Animal - Rhino: Literally no explanation for this except I love how majestic and cool asf they are. I went to the zoo once and I couldn’t stop admiring them guys, they’re absolutely gorgeous.

Character - Soldier: No specific Soldier for this cuz I love both of them. I wish he was real because I would die to meet him lol. My entire personality in a nutshell 💀 He is my life, he spins in my head on the daily and he makes me love being American lmao (RIP Rick May, you made such a lovable character, fly high man)

Color - Mustard Yellow: I have a beanie the same color as this and legit it made me love the color. That and I love mustard in general

Place - Quiet library: AND I MEAN QUIET, I love being social with people but sometimes I just wanna be left alone. Dawg, the library at my school is the shit, it’s so quiet in there and I can sit on a sofa and just chill. Great to relax 👍

Season - Winter: Unfortunately for me I live somewhere that does not snow at all. Which kinda sucks- BUT it sprinkle some snow every one and a while. It’s also just not about the snow but the weather, I like the breezy feel, the chilliness of it all. I can wear hoodies and beanies and my kickass baggy pants lol. And the blankets. My grandma got me this one comforter that’s immaculate, very comfortable, very soft. Love my grandma 🤙❤️

Song/Album - Void in Blue: WHERE DO I BEGIN WITH THIS SONG? The feeling I get actually has me ascending bro. The background instrumental the LYRICS THE ECHO, OMG THE ECHO THOUGH- my favorite part of any song is if it has an echoey effect to it, and THIS nails every part in the song. It’s great, please guys give it a listen it’s so good it’s like crack to me I listen to it on the DAILY

Food - Root beer Floats: I know technically it’s a drink but you could still eat it with a spoon, so I’d say it counts 👍 Anyways this shit is the bomb, love Rootbeer in general by FLOATS?? Amazing, I could eat them everyday if I could because they’re so good. Very refreshing. One time I actually went to Denny’s and asked if they had one and a nice waitress made me one lol, very sweet hole she’s going good 🙏 Also fun fact: I tried it in middle school and it became my LIFE

Pretty sure that’s all? Yeah that’s all. Thanks for reading if you wanted to, now you know a bit about me heh. Hope everyone’s having a good day 🤙🤙

[girl-named-matty]

Can you please do headcanons for Garreth Weasley? I love your Sebastian ones but I need Garreth’s too! :D

I was waiting for someone to ask for this sweet boy!

Random Garreth headcanons by me!

Time for this sweet boy! 

Seriously, like this boy is the biggest cutie pie in the entire school. 

SO BUCKLE UP Y’ALL! 

Garreth has a LOT of siblings, I’m talking six to seven or more. The Weasley's are known for having a lot of children. 

I’d say he’s somewhere in the upper middle of the family. And as of the time in the game, he’s the oldest Weasley at Hogwarts. 

Probably has a lot of little sisters. I’d imagine when he gets home, the sisters who aren’t at school yet just bombard him with hugs and then talk his ear off about things that they did while he was gone at school. 

I feel like he’s really close with his mom and dad but he’s around his mom more because she’s home more than his dad is. 

100% a baker. 

THIS BOY CAN BAKE. 

Yeah sure he can cook but he is AMAZING at baking. He learned from his mom when he was really young and hadn’t stopped since. It gave him a sweet tooth (i’d say most of the weasleys have one). When he’s at home, he’s making something at least every day in the kitchen. 

On the topic of food, he loves it. As most of the Weasleys do, Garreth loves to eat. Anytime, anywhere, he just loves it! (and I cannot blame him lol) 

His love for experimenting potions came from experimenting in the kitchen as a kid. 

At school, his best friends without a doubt are Leander and Natty. They’re always talking and hanging out together. 

That being said, if Garreth ever found out that he and Leander were related later down the line in not one but two ways, he would literally pass out. Although it was by marriage, who wouldn’t want to be at least related to their best friend in some way?? 

Loves pulling pranks. On whoever, whenever. He also ropes Leander into them because usually they have the same person in mind when they want to prank someone and usually their pranks work, they’re pretty good at it by now. 

He gets along decently well with Sebastian. They hang out more than people think they do. 

He would hang out more with Ominis if Ominis didn’t scare the crap out of him. He doesn’t know why but he finds Ominis both very intriguing and very intimidating. 

His favorite classes are definitely Potions and Herbology. HATES Astronomy because it’s always cold up in the tower. 

Yeah this boy hates the cold. He HATES IT. 

In the winter times he’s always bundled up and he suddenly becomes super grateful that his mom and grandmas knit him all these sweaters because he’s wearing one everyday along with layers, his house scarf and his robes. He doesn’t like the cold at all. 

He’ll still go play in the snow but that doesn’t mean he won’t complain about how cold it is. 

If Garreth played quidditch, he’d definitely be a beater. 

He actually does pretty well, motivated by the fact that all his older brothers played quidditch and he doesn’t want to be the only one who didn’t and didn’t do well. 

His favorite Professors would be Professor Garlick and surprisingly Professor Sharp. As much as Professor Sharp gets on his case all the time, Garreth knows a lot of what he does about potions because Sharp has been such a good teacher. And like I explained in the Sharp hc’s where Garreth kinda grew on him, it was likewise for Garreth. 

And if you thought it was gonna be his aunt, no, it’s not. His aunt keeps him in line at school and he’s still grumpy about it. 

He’s an amazing storyteller. He grew up making up and telling stories on the fly to his younger siblings and it definitely stayed with him as he grew up. He can come up with the most brilliant ideas and make them into a story that’s entertaining for everyone. 

This boy would be the cutest, wholesome lover ever. 

The kind of one to run up to you suddenly and give you kisses all over your face. Yeah that one. 

He LOVES physical affection. It's definitely his love language. In his family its normal to be very affectionate to one another, not to mention we know every single Mrs. Weasley to ever exist has ALWAYS been motherly and affectionate and it definitely rubbed off on Garreth. He has no problem hugging, cuddling, or giving forehead/cheek kisses to anyone he’s close to. 

Leander was like (??) the first time Garreth gave him a kiss on the forehead in their first year but after that he got used to it and he actually finds it pretty sweet. 

As much as this HC would make it seem like Garreth’s boggart would probably be something to do with his family dying, honestly I think his is more similar to Rons. HE HATES SPIDERS and so when that giant spider comes running out of the boggart chest, he screams. 

He thinks they’re ugly and gross with FAR too many legs to be comfortable with. Not to mention the eyes. Ugh he just hates them. If there’s a spider at home, he’d rather let his little sisters kill it. 

He definitely thinks he’s the funniest person in the world. And although he does have a great sense of humor, sometimes it’s a very specific kind of humor that takes you a minute to get. 

Definitely slaps his knee and doubles over when he’s laughing. 

He’s not very good at remembering he has homework, tests, or other school obligations other than classes and so his Aunt Matilda is always having to remind him. And while he is very thankful for that, he’s of course gotta be salty cuz his aunt is telling him what to do. 

His baby face never really left him. As he got older his cheekbones got a little more defined but nothing super serious. This boy will always have his cute squishy cheeks in one way or another. 

I feel like if the right person was in his life at the time, he’d probably get married pretty quick after school and he DEFINITELY wants kids. And a lot of them at that. It’s like it’s a staple statement of the Weasley family. 

He’d be a great dad, always being involved in his kids' lives, he’d always try to teach them new things and at the request of his partner try to get his kids to not blow things up like he did. 

Overall he really is just the sweetest boy in all of Hogwarts. 

Ugh I just love him! I'll definitely do a part 2 for him soon!

[spacerockwriting]

Random Galladad HC I have

Some random HC I have about our fav Galladads, some triggered by the Sworn Enemy prompt from @sickness-health-all-that-shit. And from the tag I saw @energievie put on my prompt.

Most pertains to my ficverse, Soft Bitch.

Mickey and Ian start off first with volunteering with Franny's field day. That's what starts Mickey's whole PTA thing. He sees how some of the mean girls in class purposely exclude her.

At first, Mickey was working the snack table with Ian working the three-legged race. But upon seeing Franny upset, he demands Ian trade with him.

This leads to Mickey making the ultimate decision and paring the kids off himself, making sure the mean girls get paired with the unpopular kids in the class. He's makes sure the head bitch gets paired with the one of the kids in class she would never associate with.

Head Bitch's mom is the one who notices how Mickey seems to be taking charge and basically ruining the status quo. Upset, she complains to the nearest volunteer, aka Ian, about how people like that hood rat shouldn't be involved.

Ian: "That's my husband, and he says Game on, Bitch."

She starts to create problems with Franny, purposely trying to find ways to retaliate against Mickey. Mickey sees into this and plays every petty card in the book. She wants a Christmas Party, Mickey becomes a room-parent and becomes the underdog voice. "Nah, not all kids really celebrate Christmas, what about a winter party?" She wants exclusive mothers day and fathers day event? Mickey's like "Not everyone's got a fuckin' mom and dad. Why should my BIL be excluded from shit because his parent's are dead? Bet Little Johnny's grandma would love to go to a fuckin' tea party."

Most of the PTA actually like Mickey, and agree with him.

Head Bitch's mom brings up Mickey and Ian's criminal record during one of the meetings and thus, per a private conversation with the principal, ends up getting arrested for disorderly conduct (By Carl of all people!!) and removed from the board.

She retaliates by using her daughter, and the biggest final straw is when the class is learning about current events in Chicago and she digs up an article on Gay Jesus and uses that as a way to get back at Mickey. (Carl uses this as an opportunity to charge her for every petty fine he can think of.)

Mickey (and Ian) are the "perfect concerned parents we need in this organization."

Just because Franny (FTM trans boy going by Finn later on) hits middle school, does not mean that Mickey's done with PTA. Mickey will go after any teacher or parent who is creating shit for his kid.

This extends to his twin's future school endeavors, too.

[imagobin]

Most of my fan-fictions are on Wattpad because I like the format better, but I figured I might as well compile the things I've written & am proud of here as well.

-----------------------------

List of Fandoms

Fionna and Cake (4)

Hunter x Hunter (18)

Markiplier-verse/Egos (5)

Monkey King 2023 (14)

Spider-verse (4)

Steven Universe (1)

Super Mario Bros (1)

-----------------------------

Fionna and Cake

Winter King

Headcanons ❄️Taking Care of You When You're Sick | GN!Reader❄️ Desc: Headcanons of Winter King taking care of his sick bodyguard whom he secretly has feelings for.

Headcanons ❄️Playing Hero | GN!Reader❄️ Desc: Headcanons of Winter King trying to play hero to woo you and convince you to fall for him, only for things to backfire. Little angst maybe? Idk

Headcanons (Request) ❄️Tending to the Gunters | GN!Reader❄️ Desc: Headcanons of you and Winter King trying to have a cozy snowed-in day, but having to change their plans when penguins show up at your doorstep.

Winter King x GN!Reader (Slice of Life) One Shot (Request) ❄️Icy Daughter❄️ Desc: Winter King keeps a lot of secrets from (y/n), but today he's ready to reveal one of them... he actually has a daughter?!

-----------------------------

Hunter x Hunter

Zoldyck Family

Headcanons 🔯General Family Dynamics🔯 Desc: Speculations on how each Zoldyck family member sees the others, with a bigger focus on the less-explored relationships.

Headcanons 🔯Zoldyck Siblings see you're hurt | GN!Reader🔯 Desc: Headcanons for the Zoldyck siblings and how they'd react if you came back to them injured after a fight.

Headcanons (Request) 🔯Being Zoldyck's middle child | GN!Reader🔯 Desc: Headcanons for a Zoldyck middle child reader who's both a talented assassin and loves taking care and spending time with their siblings.

Headcanons (Request) 🔯Leaving the Zoldycks | GN!Reader🔯 Desc: Headcanons for how the zoldyck siblings would react to their Sibling!Reader leaving Kukuroo Mountain.

Headcanons (Request) 🔯The lost sibling | GN!Reader🔯 Desc: Headcanons for a reader who's meeting their family for their first time, after being taken away from Kukuroo Mountain as a baby.

Headcanons (Request) 🔯Being Grandma Zoldyck | Fem!Reader🔯 Desc: Headcanons for a reader who's the elusive grandmother of the Zoldyck family.

Headcanons 🐲Grandpa Zeno | GN!Grandchild!Reader🐲 Desc: Headcanons for how it'd be like to have Zeno Zoldyck as a grandpa.

Ramble 👒Kikyo's visor👒 Desc: My thoughts on why Kikyo wears a visor at all times.

Headcanons (Request) 📍Big Brother Illumi | Fem!Reader📍 Desc: Headcanons for what it'd be like to be Illumi's younger sister, from the day you were born to the current year according to the timeline.

Ramble 📍Illumi and Milluki's brotherly relationship🎮 Desc: Analyzing OG manga scans cause the english translation was incomplete.

Headcanons 🎮Milluki Boyfriend HCs | GN!Reader🎮 Desc: My HCs for how Milluki would be as a boyfriend, contains fluff and overprotective tendencies.

Ramble 🎮Small thought about Milluki Zoldyck🎮 Desc: My personal theory on why Milluki acts the way he does.

Ramble (Request) 🎮Milluki's Nen🎮 Desc: Some Nen abilities I think Milluki could develop based on his lack or presence of character development.

Ramble 🎮Milluki doesn't have anger issues🎮 Desc: Debunking the belief that Milluki has anger issues through manga scans analysis.

Headcanons (Request) 🩵Killua studies with Leorio HCs🪀 Desc: Killua decides to change career paths and become a doctor after getting inspired by Leorio.

Ramble 🧸Alluka in the Italian translation🧸 Desc: The Italian HxH manga uses only feminine pronouns when referring to Alluka, let's talk about it!

Leorio Paradinight

Headcanons (Request) 🩵Friendship! | GN!Reader🩵 Desc: Headcanons for how you and Leorio met and what kind of friend he is.

Headcanons 🩵Romance! | GN!Reader🩵 Desc: Headcanons for how you and Leorio met and became romantic partners, lots of cuteness and fluff.

-----------------------------

Markiplier-verse/Egos

Alise T. Vermont (OC) Pentalogy

DA!OC Insert Book Who Killed Markiplier? | Wattpad Desc: Alise is an assertive and confident district attorney who works alongside their lifelong friend, Damien, the mayor. Things suddenly break her routine upon receiving a strange invitation from a friend she hadn't heard from in months, Mark! But what was supposed to be a fun night amongst friends, quickly turned into a nightmare when Mark was found dead and strange things kept happening inside Markiplier Manor. Will Alise and the others manage to catch the murderer... or will they fall into darkness as well? Captain!OC Insert Book ɪɴ ꜱᴘᴀᴄᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴀʀᴋɪᴘʟɪᴇʀ (ᴘᴀʀᴛ 1) | Wattpad Desc: Captain Alise has finally boarded the Invincible II to bring colonists to a new planet. However, things quickly take a turn for the worst when the spaceship gets trapped in a wormhole and Alise is requested to fix an apparent paradox alongside the ship's head engineer, Mark. Will they complete their mission, or will they be stuck there forever? Only one way to find out. Captain!OC Insert Book ɪɴ ꜱᴘᴀᴄᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴀʀᴋɪᴘʟɪᴇʀ (ᴘᴀʀᴛ 2) | Wattpad Desc: The universe has been rebooted and Captain Alise now has to fix things once and for all, but how will they do that when the multiverse itself seems to be against them? Actor!Mark x DA!OC (Platonic) Book A Heist with Markiplier | Wattpad Desc: Alise has now reunited with Mark in the void, where the Actor can finally start putting his plan into motion, however... the ghosts of their past are always ready to come hunting them again, and what was meant to be some harmless fun becomes much more as Alise starts discovering what happened in the outside world while she was stuck in the void. Actor!Mark x DA!OC (Platonic) Book A Date with Markiplier | Wattpad Desc: With the artifact now lost, Mark and Alise have decided to sit back for a while and go on a date, but things never go as planned...

-----------------------------

Monkey King 2023

Dragon King/Ao Guang

Headcanons 🌊Childhood Friends | GN!Merefolk!Reader🌊 Desc: Headcanons for Ao Guang and Reader being childhood friends and growing up together.

Headcanons (Request) 🌊Kaiju!Dragon King | GN!Merefolk!Reader🌊 Desc: After the battle against Monkey King, the Dragon King was rendered powerless, but also got stuck in his Kaiju form? And now he needs to work around that to salvage his relationship with Reader.

Headcanons (Request) 🌊Raising a child | GN!Merefolk!Reader🌊 Desc: Headcanons for you and Ao Guang adopting and taking care of an abandoned child.

Headcanons (Request) 🌊Kaiju!Dragon King Fluff!🌊 Desc: Another batch of Kaiju!Dragon King HCs, but this time it's extra fluffy!

Headcanons (Request) 🌊Protecting the child | GN!Merefolk!Reader🌊 Desc: Headcanons of you and Ao Guang being protective of your adopted child.

Headcanons (Request) 🌊Dating | GN!Nine Tailed Fox!Reader🌊 Desc: Headcanons of you and Ao Guang meeting and dating, but with a twist! You're a shapeshifting Nine Tailed Fox!

Headcanons (Request) 🌊Comforting his Child🌊 Desc: Headcanons for how Dragon King would comfort his kid when they're struggling with something.

Headcanons (Request) 🌊Family daily routine🌊 Desc: Morning and Night routine of Dragon King and his family.

Headcanons (Request) 🌊Caring for you | GN!Merefolk!Reader🌊 Desc: You got sick, and Dragon King, beind the drama queen that he is, does everything to ensure you recover and never ever get sick again.

Headcanons (Request) 🌊Self-consciousness | GN!Merefolk!Reader🌊 Desc: Something went wrong with Dragon King's transformation, and once he's defeated, his body retains some of the water he used to transform, self-consciousness ensues.

Headcanons (Request) 🌊Self-conscious pt. 2 | GN!Merefolk!Reader🌊 Desc: Dragon King feels self conscious about his body, and you decide to comfort him. Pt. 2

Dragon King x GN!Reader (Fluff) One Shot 🌊𝒮𝑒𝒶𝓈𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓁𝓈🌊 Desc: After his defeat, the Dragon King decided to lay low and slowly regain his powers deep down in the sea, that was until he spotted (y/n), who drastically changed his goals in way he'd never thought of before.

Dragon King x GN!Reader (Action) One Shot (Request) 🌊𝓜𝔂 𝓕𝓪𝓶𝓲𝓵𝔂🌊 Desc: Despite being stuck as a Kaiju, Dragon King managed to build a family, finding a spouse and even adopting a child, but what happens when a new danger arises, and the people he loves the most are put in danger?

Kaiju!Dad!Dragon King (Slice of Life) One Shot (Request) 🌊𝓟𝓵𝓪𝔂𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓓𝓪𝓭🌊 Desc: Ao Guang learns that despite being a Kaiju, he can still enjoy small moments with his child.

-----------------------------

Spider-verse

Johnathon Ohnn/The Spot

Headcanons ⚪Platonic Relationship | GN!Reader⚫ Desc: Headcanons for The Spot and Reader being roommates, pre and post-collider. Headcanons ⚪Rivals to Friends | GN!Reader⚫ Desc: Headcanons for Johnathon Ohnn and Reader being college classmates and rivals. Headcanons ⚪Being a Father | GN!Child!Reader⚫ Desc: Headcanons for Johnathon Ohnn/The Spot being your dad (totally not self indulgent).

The Spot x Artist!OC (Platonic) Book Behind the Eight Ball | Wattpad Desc: Being behind the eight ball |To be in a difficult position, from which it is unlikely one can escape, out of luck.| That's how Johnathon Ohnn felt after the Alchemax Collider exploded. He'd lost everything: his job, his family's love... his face. Until he met someone who was genuinely willing to help him... but would that be enough?

-----------------------------

Steven Universe

Jasper

Jasper x Human/Gem hybrid!OC (Romantic) Book 𝐎𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐨𝐚𝐝 | Wattpad Desc: Emma had always believed she was the only Human/Gem hybrid on earth, however, her world is turned upside down once she learns of the existence of Steven, and embarks on a journey to Beach City to meet him. Unfortunately, he's already left months ago, and it looks like Emma will have to keep searching, but not without a certain orange gem forcing herself into the picture.

-----------------------------

Super Mario Bros

Bowser

Bowser x Dryad!OC (Romantic) Book The Dryad's Loyalty | Wattpad Desc: Hazel is a lone dryad who's lived in complete isolation their entire life... what happens then, when a Koopa King comes crashing down in their forest and forces them to become part of his Koopa Troop?

-----------------------------

[iiep-wop]

Middle of Nowhere by Vancouver Sleep Clinic is insanely Lister coded and here's why

First of all, have the link to the song because I feel that y'all should have it

Below the cut is my lyric by lyric analasys because I genuinely have so much to say about it

Lyrics are in bold, analysing by the verse to make things easier :]

(Also disclaimer, I am actually only half way through season 5 roughly so if I am getting things wrong in terms with later canon feel free to let me know)

I'm coming back home for the winter And the border patrol said I should stick there for a while It's got my mind in a flood and the light gets dimmer As the world get cold

First off, first line is pretty obvious, Lister wants to get back home to earth and he knows that once he does he'll probably be told to stay grounded for a while

The final line just sort of reminds me of how the earth is probably dead or insanely different from how Lister remembers it, its been 3 million years after all

So now I'm back in my room, but it looks different My sister's painted the walls, and nothing's in it anymore But this is the place I found my spirit So, I know I'm home

Again, if he does get back to earth, everything will have drastically changed, it will all be different but he knows that this is where he used to live so it should be home

'Cause I came to this world as the child of the dreamgiver Tryin' to work it all out on the way to the moon And time wants me around, give my word to the gravediggers I'm just passing through

Not really got much for this verse but the second line feels very much like the whole space theme

Sometimes I wish that I lived in the middle of nowhere With a couple of dogs and a ranch on a farm And I don't even like farming or early mornings It just sounds calm

Lister and his plan for the farm in Fiji which knowing how he acts alot of the time, he definately doesn't like early mornings and also I think he's romanticised the whole farming thing in his head, I dont think he'd actually like it that much tbh

And I'd marry that girl I met in Texas Then my Grandma could hang 'round for the wedding And now it's starting to sound like a better ending And that hits hard

Basically, him wanting to marry Kochanski (or Rimmer) as 'that girl I met on Red Dwarf'

Its the life he wishes he could have had if the leak hadn't happened, everything's been smegged up and now he's stuck in space

*more chorus which I have skipped because I've already gone over that bit*

There's a million tangents I've been twistin' They always lead to regret this reminiscence in the end Some days, my mind feels like a prison It just needs some sun

There is no way he hasn't thought about various timelines and things that could have happened, idk why but If I were him I'd definately regret some of my actios that lead to being stuck in his situation.

He is essentially in a prison at this point, just him, presumably the last living human, the cat and the hologram of a guy he didn't like much

So, I walk 'til the city meets the country 'Til I'm the only one left in the world And then I'll write a few songs that just go nowhere Like this one

He is the last one left in the world

He writes songs that go nowhere (the -indling song)

*then the rest of it is just chorus again*

anyway this wasn't much of an analasis tbh, more me putting down random links from this song to Red Dwarf lmao

[flowers-of-io]

There's this thing about the tunnel vision that fear induces, when you only care about escaping the thing that scares you and don't really see much else. And when you're afraid 24/7 it just sorta becomes the default state, I guess. I'm burning all my resources on being scared. It feels like I've got this very thick layer of dead skin all over me, and nothing can quite cut through it. I'm failing classes and I don't really care that much. Every thing I come in contact with only makes me more afraid. I was on a friend's wedding the other day and my mum texted me like "why are you so active on social media and not partying? :p" and I really didn't want to upset her by saying i was having a panic! at the disco moment and went home before midnight because a bed is a safer place to lose your shit than someone's wedding reception. I'm writing so much because retreating into stories is the only defense mechanism I've got left, and even that leaves me feeling bad (but at least is somewhat productive). It's winter so I should feel better, because in two months it's gonna start getting warmer and it'll only get worse from there. I'm so, so tired. At this point I want to stay buried and only spit stories at people because everything else is frightening and wrong, and I don't wanna touch it with a ten foot pole because I'll either taint it with my fear or absorb even more fear from it. There's no place I'm not afraid in. I don't have a room in my parent's house anymore, and that's fair, I've got a whole flat instead, but now I can't even go there to curl into my mum and lay low for a while. There's God but I can't, like, hug Him. My grandma's death anniversary is tomorrow and I'm sad she won't be on my wedding but I'm five hundred times more afraid of my wedding itself. I SHOULDN'T FEEL LIKE THIS, NOTHING BAD HAS HAPPENED TO ME, I'm freaking out in the middle of the street with the complete conviction of someone who's never had anything actually really bad happen to them. But I'm committed now to the feeling. I don't know how it started, I don't know how to stop it.

[romantic-reveries]

God, I love my mom but what the fuck.

My grandma was kind of stressy this morning because of health issues and the unexpected company/having our house in disarray (which wouldn’t have been an issue anyway if my mom hadn’t brought some friend with her—which, I like her friend, but beside the point) and me having company tonight for NYE.

My mom took it very personally, and started being like “I’m gonna get dressed and go out and just get out of everyone’s way” and like having an attitude, and it’s infuriating because she would like, know what was wrong if she spent any real time with grandma at all. As it is, she’s slept most of the time she’s been here. My grandma has talked more to mom’s friend than her.

And my mom tells me it’s just the same kind of comments she got growing up and she hasn’t dealt with it in a long time, like my grandma is this really passive aggressive person. Like, don’t get me wrong, she can have her moments—like fucking anyone—but nothing she does is intentionally to be catty. She’s mostly stressed and scared over her health issues. Which is also like, an interesting take on seeing what you believe of people. She has a very particular view of grandma that I don’t, so it’s mystifying to me how she sees things that way, but I’m also aware my dad was the same way, and once upon a time, I was too. Overly sensitive to things that weren’t intended to hurt. At the end of the day, even if something is intended to hurt, you can either let it bother you or let it fucking go. You can’t be hurt by shit you know isn’t true. If someone said something about you being a burden or annoying or a bitch, and you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that those things weren’t true, it would roll right off you.

Like yeah, grandma hurts my feelings sometimes. She says stuff without thinking. But at the end of the day, I know who she is and I know she would never willfully hurt my feelings, so I either let it roll off (if I know she’s just in a bad mood) or I talk with her about it (if it really hurt my feelings) and we move on.

And she’s like “I shouldn’t have just come in without telling you guys, blah blah blah, all the dogs do is bark and I have very low tolerance these days” which… again, you’d know that my dog is a loud mouth if you like EVER fucking talked to me.

And gee I wonder why you have low fucking tolerance and you’re depressed and emotional all the time when you’re living in a place you once hated mostly for some piece of shit dude who doesn’t even sound like he’s that nice to you, you change friends yearly, and apparently you’re taking such bad care of yourself that your teeth now look like they’re gonna fall out.

It’s such a like… it’s so frustrating because she won’t fucking talk, she lies a lot now, but she just drops in out of nowhere like that’s appropriate to do when—again—we NEVER fucking talk. I don’t get it. And she drove here from across the country, in the middle of some of the worst winter weather the country has seen in decades, and brought her dog. Just to surprise us? What. The. Fuck.

If she’d flown out (like we’d offered in October for her to do), she could’ve slept in my room, closed the door, been unbothered by the dog, not had to worry about her dog, whatever. We could’ve gone and done stuff. I don’t know. It was a nice gesture and supposedly she was trying to be here for my birthday (the 19th), but like, this is an awful time of year for that. With the weather, Ella’s daycare is closed til Tuesday so she’s stuck here everyday, whatever. I don’t know. It’s all so dumb.

On another hand, holy fucking shit am I so proud of myself for all the growth I’ve made. I am so communicative and honest and open. And I know I don’t always get it right either, because I’m human and sometimes our emotions get the best of us, but I’m aware and I try, and that’s a lot more than most people do. I’m healing, always. From old wounds, so I don’t get triggered anymore. And I love myself for that.

[wild-wombytch]

Respectfully middle-class people know as much about poverty as men know what it is to be women.

You can't erase people who are actually poor by putting 65k/year people in the same bag as people who live in a house with literal holes on the walls, asbestos in the floor, who sleep on a bedless 35yo mattress found in a dumpster and have lived with literal starvation and homelessness. Who think buying super glue to fix their shoes is a luxury and resort to using their grandma's dusty sewing threads to fix the soles. Who still handwash their laundry. Who can't cook most food because they don't have a oven. Who live without heater all winter long in a house so poorly isolated that there is mist coming out of your mouth in the morning. Who as 6yo grew up with underwear worn out to the point of being rags. Who didn't pursue higher studies because of the cost. Who can't pay their parents' funerals and no they won't be able to take care of their parents when they age. Who don't have a driving license because of the cost. Who couldn't buy menstrual products in a all-women house during covid. And that's in a first world country and for those lucky enough to have a roof on top of their head and a mattress at all.

Like what the actual fuck? Unless there's some heavy cultural context I don't get (but I don't think so cue to the 17k comment), literally how are you the same category of poor when you own your house, have a car (new? That you send to car wash?), sometimes have two incomes and/or ma and pa backing you up financially, and so on? We clearly don't have the same problems if the middle-class obsession is to whine about how poor they are while shitting on actual poor people.

I used to follow tepkunset back in my TRA day and legit I still have more in common with her and more respect for her than people whining about having 65k and dismissing poor people. In what world are you living? 3 months before being homeless if you lost your income today? You know some people even with their income can't pay the rent, right? You know some people work while being homeless, right?

The only ones seeing a whole class as an enemy are the same who makes middle-class and poverty meaningless and tell us to look elsewhere but not critically look at them. And by doing that, you refuse to see your privileges in comparison to others. Heavens forbid we see privileges for what they are. Don't call the naked emperor naked if it makes the emperor feel bad. Do you all note that nobody even called you rich? You are literally attacking someone with less privileges than you on a strawman because of victim mentality. You cornered tepkunset out of nowhere because you are so protective of being called poor and unprivileged instead of standing with her saying everyone should have a minimum of 65k and fight in that sense, which would have actually been constructive and uplifting. Tepkunset is ALSO a nurse and essential worker (or was back in the day). And she takes care of two people! Can you fathom that some peeople do the exact same as you do, except with more hardships and still make less money and still have shittier situations? But why find solutions and listen to others who have less and uplift them when you can make a piss contest out of it every time we point out the discrepancies betweenways of life that are practically aliens to each others at this point.

If I got a penny every time a middle-class people came crying on my shoulders about how they can't even pay a cinema ticket these days or go in vacations outside of the country or "womp womp we can't live with two 6k incomes a months, life is hard :'(" ...I'm sure I'd be able to talk about my dental care without laughing. You don't need to be a CEO billionaire to have privileges over otther people.

One day I swear I'm gonna charge a zoo trip in my fancy poor person social housing with no toilet seat, with the authorization to sleep on the floor for a fee so some of you can say you have seen one poor person in your life and can say "eww is that a slug on the floor and water from condensation?" once in your life. This conversation is nuts. I can't even wrap my head around this. Let us eat cake, I guess.

By the way, compost the richs, it's better for health and the planet and you can grow more foods out of them. Maybe make it so classes like gender disappear and everyone has basic needs met.

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[lushlagoon]

091424

in bed listening to the same music i did during covid, samia and indigo de Souza and haley blais and Phoebe. I can close my eyes and pretended it's covid. im in my kitchen baking and listening to samias fit n full, I am a senior in high school, im driving to the salad place in cool springs or the otaku ramen in west Nashville to pick up food and just get out of the house with my dad, it is winter. I think I will go look at pictures of that now.

ive done a pretty good job of documenting a lot of my life. in high school I had a few apps of diaries and video diaries, first couple years of college I had a sporadic diary and committed to constantly posting on my finsta story, now I have this page. im not ready to look back at things yet. I can't handle it. but there's lots to look back at.

I remember the night my grandma fell during covid, it was scary and ambulances came to the house. I saw her being wheeled off and was worried that was the last time I would see her. I cried in my parents room trying to hold my dog back but she jumped out of my arms, I could never do anything right like anyone else.

its weird that for years my grandmas health was so bad. now shes fine, and my grandpa is the sick one. hes kind of there in his head, hes kind of not. shes risen to the occasion to be there for him, I wish I didnt have covid right now and could spend time with them. im trapped in my room but its ok, music is good and I like typing, its raining and its saturday. its only 11am somehow, im jet lagged and sick so my sleep is both fucked and perfect.

saturday means nothing to me. I am graduated and unemployed as of 2 days ago. I just got my final grades back for all of college. I will have my diploma soon. my dad cried when I was in line to graduate. he couldn't talk. I love him so much, he tried to book a restaurant while we were in Paris that inspired ratatouille but it was raining and we were supposed to sit on a patio. hes way cooler than me. ive been applying to jobs but its tiring and ive been getting nothing good in return.

I used to be annoyed by a lot of my friends. now im not. I think I might be the annoying one. it's better to be the annoying one than be annoyed, but It feels like middle school in my head again sometimes. im so quiet I think, how could I be annoying.

about a month before covid hit, I went to a king princess concert with a few of my friends and my future girlfriend. I had a huge crush on her and that concert felt magical, I had so much fun. my room was set up differently, with my bed against the wall. the room felt bigger. I remember thinking "this makes me so happy, I need to just go to as many concerts as I can". I had had my license for a month, drove my blue bmw, and was trying to get a first job. When covid first hit, I decorated my room for all my friends to come over when the virus passed. I put up photos of my friends on my wall. nobody ever came over, and I think still only like 2 friends have entered this room since covid ended. except for my 18th birthday, that was so much fun. why do we never have fun any more? it feels like my friends are settling down already, getting boring. if I think about it too much it makes me sad, all the photos of my friends on my wall for months but nobody ever saw them.

my dad said the other day 18 is far from 21. I said no it's not, because in my head im still close to 18. but im not, it's not close.

I waited until I was 21 to go to bars and didnt get a fake, so maybe I will wait until my frontal lobe develops to try mushrooms.

i always get covid at weird times, like right before im supposed to go to San Diego. I got it right before my freshman year and had to come at normal time instead of early, I felt so behind when I got there. now im getting it before what was supposed to be my 4th year. I think if everything goes to plan I won't be too sad that Im not having a 4th year.

I was looking around my room at the sign brittani made almost 3 years ago, welcome home andie. I will never be a freshman again. last night I freaked out about that but this morning I can see everything more clearly. everybody has their own experience, I had to grow out of my shell in my own time.

I dont think im good with kids and I wish I was. Im excited for Christmas as long as my nephew doesnt cry when I get him a gift.

I told my girlfriend at the beginning of our relationship that I didnt want her to be friends with one of my friends. I get jealous, like thats my friend dont take them. she didn't understand and now theyre on a trip together. I dont think it's fair that if we break up wed have to share that friend when I stated I didnt want that. and it wasnt like I could stop the friendship, they do fun things together and it was good for my friend.

ive never believed in marriage. I dont wanna talk about it more. but literally never since I was a kid have I thought I would get married. now I understand I will probably have to, but im still unsure that I want to.

im jealous of my girlfriend and her whole music thing. the parts im jealous of, she has something to document, and something for her parents to be proud of. she has a constant outlet for creativity and she has time for it. im jealous she doesnt have to work, but im out of state so, I have to compensate for the massive bills somehow. I need to apply to jobs, and she doesnt like when I talk about it because it makes her stressed. she will be fine, her familys from California.

I am already feeling nostalgic for music from less than 6 months ago. adrianne lenkers new album makes my heart ache, makes me think about the trip to norcal. it was so beautiful. I think I will have to move back to Tennessee soon, and I havent even technically left.

anything by adrianne came on and I started crying, not a sad cry but an emotional cry and it felt good. my dad brought me a cup of green tea in my favorite mug with the painting from ferris beullers day off on it, I havent really dranken green tea since high school when I was trying to lose weight. my mom just got back from a business trip. everything Is right.

I heard adrianne for the first time from Charlie freshman year. I came back to Nashville and got back together with my ex girlfriend and listened to the music with her an entire night one time. im not sure who the song reminds me of, I think more Charlie. its so serendipitous that me and my roommates ended up together.

one of my friends said they thought I was the type of person to not keep in touch with friends after I move. that hurt my feelings but now I almost think that was a dream.

[silverghost1001]

"Empty Shell" is 1yo today...

"Empty Shell" is a poem of sorts that I wrote exactly one year ago, on 31/8/2023 back then I was in a very bad place, mentally as well as the place I was living in and the people I was with. Back them I wasn't even sure if I'd survive to the end of the year. I had no clue about how my life would be, where I'd be living, if Bubbly (My baby brother) would be okay, if his dad would... do something bad. If our mom would finally believe me and let us help, if one day I'd be free, If I would be there to see Bubbly's first steps, first words, first birthday and other important milestones. (Spoiler alert: I didn't see any of those.)

Some day were better than others, "Empty Shell" was written on a bad day. Far from the worse when compared to panic attacks, calling police, and many many other things. I left that place in December, I think. I'm doing somewhat better now and life's very different, but oh, I miss Bubbly so much it hurts. And it'll never get better. And I'll never forgive my "mom" for what she did. But at least from what I see of his pictures and I hear him when aunt's on the phone with my grandma, I can say he's doing okay.

Before The poem, I just want to say it mentions themes like self-harm, suicide ideation, bad parenting, self-worth issues, self-image issues, issues with food and weight, heavy zoning out, blood, knifes, needles, and probably others. Thank you.

Here's the poem:

[31/8/2023]

Empty Shell.

❴✠❵┅━━━━━━━╍⊶⊰⊱⊷╍━━━━━━━┅❴✠❵

The clock tick-tocks as if it were mocking me,

Everything feels like it was a personal offense to my very own being.

The World feels so damn loud,

Yet so tauntingly quiet around my muffled screams and blank stares.

It feels almost too much,

But never nearly enough.

As if my brain has simply left for vacation,

Leaving an Empty Shell of breathing meat behind.

My head hurts from thinking,

My heart bleeds from not.

My head begs and shouts,

My heart cries and drowns.

Everything feels like it's the iceberg and I'm the Titanic,

Ready to hit it face-first, singing as I break down and people drown.

I'm so cold,

I'm so Hot,

I'm so confused and lost.

The clock tick-tocks mocking me,

And I don't know when to leave.

The ticking is calming, almost like home.

The ticking is annoying, feels like home.

Everything hurts,

Everything bleeds,

At least, I wish I would.

The Blood attracts me,

Like a flower would to a bee.

I want to bite until I bleed,

To cut a pretty scar in my lip.

Taste the iron-y drink,

Paint the white a pretty pink.

It reminds me of the needle,

It reminds me of the knife.

It reminds me of the rope,

It reminds me of the height.

I haven't been awake today.

It's all just a dream, is it not?

The floor feels too cold

Under my too hot feet,

And the pain feels numbing

In a twisted comforting way.

Breathing is heavy,

Just like Mom always says I am,

Then someone else will come and say,

"God, how skinny you are!"

I can't eat much.

I don't like it,

I don't feel like it,

I am just scared of gaining weight.

Even when Mom said I could see the outline of my collarbone,

Because I don't eat enough.

The World is silent now,

Though it's noises make me want to throw up.

Though it's noises are enough to upset my brain.

Though it's noises make me feel like crying.

Though it's noises are enough to choke my heart.

Feels like I'm in a frozen chamber,

Only melting when someone knocks at the glass.

Then, like a startled fish,

I'll jump and reanimate.

Though my head will be too hot,

Though my heart will be too numb,

Though my body will be too cold.

The clock keeps tick-tocking mocking me,

I have a dead person's cold hands,

I have a alone person's sunken heart.

I have a Growing Need To Bleed.

I have a twisted mind that Begs For It's Own Blood,

And I have a pair of Shaking Hands that wish to Please.

And nothing ever stops.

There's never a break

From the freezing cold in the middle of a 30°C Summer,

From the burning warm in the middle of a 10°C Winter.

Maybe that's why.

Maybe that's why the clock mocks me with it's ticking.

Maybe that's why the Titanic sank with music.

Maybe that's why my flesh begs to be cut open.

Maybe that's why my brain left an Empty Shell of Breathing Meat behind.

Maybe that's why.

❴✠❵┅━━━━━━━╍⊶⊰⊱⊷╍━━━━━━━┅❴✠❵

Empty Shell.

By:

Silver/[Redacted].

[31/8/2023]

[vapehk1]

Cube Zero Vape: The Beginner's Guide to Vaping with a Twist of Humor

Welcome to the whimsical world of vaping! If you're pondering whether the Cube Zero Vape is the right gizmo to kickstart your vaping voyage, you're in the perfect spot. Imagine a device so user-friendly that even your technophobe grandma could handle it with aplomb. That's the Cube Zero for you: affordable, stylish, and as easy to use as a toaster. Let’s dive into why this little wonder might just be the new apple of your eye in the vaping universe. Unboxing the Cube Zero Vape Ever felt like a child on Christmas morning, unwrapping gifts with a mix of feverish excitement and slight apprehension about what lies within? That’s the unboxing experience of the Cube Zero Vape. Its packaging whispers sleek sophistication—a box so pretty, you’d half expect a luxury watch inside rather than a vaping device. Inside this Pandora's box, you'll find the Cube Zero Vape itself, a charging cable that resembles a noodle more than a lifeline for your device, a user manual that's easier to decode than your last relationship, and, if you’re lucky, a sample e-liquid that smells like your last tropical vacation. Each item is packed with the care of a squirrel stashing nuts for the winter, ensuring everything arrives in tiptop shape. The Design and Features of Cube Zero Vape The Cube Zero Vape sports a design that’s as sleek as a new sports car and fits in your hand like the perfect burger fits on its bun. Available in colors that range from “undercover agent black” to “unicorn sneeze pink,” it’s got the looks to turn heads and the ergonomic feel to not slip out of your hands mid-puff. Technologically, the Cube Zero is the Swiss Army knife of vapes. It boasts a battery that lasts longer than your average Hollywood marriage and a tank that’s roomier than a studio apartment in Manhattan. With safety features that could rival a nanny’s toolkit, this vape is designed not only for maximum enjoyment but also for utmost security. How to Get Started with Your Cube Zero Vape Setting up your Cube Zero is easier than fixing a cup of instant noodles. Charge it, fill it, click the button five times, and voila—you’re ready to vape. The manual is so straightforward, even your pet could probably figure it out if they had thumbs. Here’s a tip: start slow. Your Cube Zero can produce clouds big enough to rival a fog machine at a rock concert. Also, remember to keep your e-liquid refilled and your battery charged, lest you crave a puff in the middle of a stressful day only to find your vape as responsive as a sleeping cat. Maintenance and Care for Long-lasting Use Keeping your Cube Zero Vape in tip-top condition is crucial for a consistently great vaping experience, and it's simpler than you might think. Think of your vape device as a treasured houseplant. Just as you wouldn’t water your succulent with soda, don’t mistreat your vape with improper handling. Regular cleanings are essential; gently wipe down the exterior with a soft cloth to remove fingerprints and residue, and use a cotton swab dipped in rubbing alcohol to clean the mouthpiece and any connections. This routine maintenance ensures your device performs well, preventing any "flavor ghosting" from past uses and extending the life of the unit. When trouble arises with your Cube Zero, there's no need to descend into chaos. Often, the issues are minor and can be solved with a quick check and tweak. If you find that your vape isn’t producing vapor, first ensure that it's charged. No lights? Plug it in for a bit. If it’s on but not producing steam, check the tank to make sure it isn’t empty and examine the nozzle for any blockages—sometimes a simple cleaning can clear up the issue. Also, ensure that the battery isn’t loose; a quick tighten might be all it needs. Addressing these common problems usually gets your device back in action without requiring a visit to the repair shop, letting you return swiftly to your blissful vaping sessions. Conclusion In the article "Cube Zero Vape: The Beginner's Guide to Vaping with a Twist of Humor," readers are taken on an entertaining and informative journey through the world of the Cube Zero Vape, a device perfect for novice vapers. The article starts with an amusing introduction, highlighting the device's ease of use and aesthetic appeal. It then delves into what newcomers can expect when unboxing their vape, including a humorous take on the contents and packaging. The design and technical features are explained in a way that mixes technical details with light-hearted comparisons, making it easy to understand and remember. Setup and initial use are covered with simple, step-by-step instructions complemented by tips to enhance the user experience. Maintenance advice likens device care to caring for a pet, emphasizing regular cleaning and proper storage, while troubleshooting common issues is presented as straightforward and manageable. Overall, the article serves as a comprehensive, enjoyable guide for anyone starting their vaping adventure with the Cube Zero Vape, blending practical advice with a dose of humor. FAQs 1. What makes Cube Zero Vape ideal for beginners? Cube Zero Vape is ideal for beginners due to its straightforward design and user-friendly features. It offers simple one-button operation, clear instructions for use, and a maintenance routine that’s easy to follow. Its compact design and intuitive setup make it less intimidating for newcomers to vaping, allowing them to enjoy a smooth introduction to the vaping experience. 2. How long does the battery last on a Cube Zero Vape? The battery life of the Cube Zero Vape depends on usage patterns, but generally, it is designed to last through a full day of moderate vaping on a single charge. For heavier users, it may require a mid-day charge. The device also features a quick charging capability, ensuring that users aren't left without their vape for long periods. 3. Can I adjust the power output on my Cube Zero Vape? The Cube Zero Vape is designed with simplicity in mind, and as such, it does not typically feature adjustable power output settings. It operates at a fixed wattage which is optimized for the resistance of the provided coils. This setup is ideal for beginners who may not yet be familiar with adjusting and customizing wattage and temperature controls. 4. What types of e-liquid can I use with the Cube Zero Vape? The Cube Zero Vape is compatible with a wide range of e-liquids, making it versatile for different vaping preferences. It works well with both PG (propylene glycol) and VG (vegetable glycerin) based liquids, offering users the flexibility to choose from a plethora of flavors and nicotine strengths available on the market. 5. How do I clean my Cube Zero Vape and how often should I do it? Cleaning your Cube Zero Vape is essential for maintaining its performance and longevity. It's recommended to clean the tank at least once a week by disassembling it and wiping down all parts with a soft cloth slightly dampened with warm water. Ensure all parts are dry before reassembling. The mouthpiece should be cleaned more frequently, ideally after each day’s use, using a cotton swab dipped in rubbing alcohol to remove any buildup or residue. Regular cleaning ensures optimal functionality and hygiene. Read the full article