#why in earth did i have to call myself Atlantis fucking seriously

[atlantis-just-drowned]

Please someone stop my father, he's currently binging the entirety of the Stargate: Atlantis series and I'm basically getting jumpscared every two seconds because these people. Keep. Calling my second name.

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League #34

If Doom wins then how come this issue isn't subtitled "Doom Risen"?

Ugh. How long has this Doom event been fucking going on?! My advice to Snyder: next time, make Lex Luthor smarter so his plan comes to fruition quicker! Some of the Justice League are in the past hiding in Atlantis with the Justice Society as a captured Poseidon tries to destroy it. They need Vandal Savage's help to get the totality to the future so John Stewart convinces him by yelling, "Oorah!" Hourman and Alan Scott jizz their jeans over his masculinity and decide that maybe a negro member of the Justice Society wouldn't be such a bad thing. You might think I'm letting my cynical view of the world reinterpret the scene in a fairly unforgiving way but I assure you it doesn't come across much better than that. I wonder how they'd feel if John Stewart had convinced Vandal to help them using architecture metaphors?

Did I accidentally pick up the extra-gay version of this month's Justice League?

I think I accidentally stumbled into a new way for DC to make money. Forget variant covers and foil card insert. Why don't they put out extra-gay issues?! They could call one version the "Extra-Straight" version and the other version the "Extra-Gay" just so we don't get into the weeds arguing about why one is called the "Normal Issue." Although I think if two comic books existed that were slight variations of each other and one was the "Extra-Straight" version and one was the "Extra-Gay" version, it would totally be more gay to buy the "Extra-Straight" version. It sounds like that one is going to be full of shirtless men wrestling in totally non-boner inducing ways that are actually super boner inducing. If DC won't take my super great moneymaking idea that will wind up selling a billion issues of Harley and Poison Ivy #1 (Extra-Gay version) then maybe I can trademark the idea of "Extra-Straight" comic books and sue all the Comicsgaters producing comic books. Do Comicsgate comic books have copy on the covers in huge fonts that say things like "No Gay Characters!" and "If a Character is Black, It's Totally Plot Related!" and "This Won't Pass the Bechdel Test. AT ALL!"? I think I'm making Comicsgate comic books sound more interesting than they really are! I bet most of them are boring super hero punch ups where characters occasionally reference Pepe the Frog and fly through the air in a pose like they're heiling Hitler. Back to the plot, is Barry Allen really interested in wearing his hair long? Why am I suddenly finding him interesting? I almost wrote "more interesting" but, you know, it's Barry Allen. The most interesting thing he ever did was appearing out of nowhere during Crisis on Infinite Earths and disintegrating. Unless Barry was actually asking John if John thought he could rip Vandal's hair off of his head. Although that interpretation makes Barry more interesting as well. What I'm saying is this is the most interesting panel Barry Allen has ever been a part of. Meanwhile in the future (if that makes any sense at all), Kamandi has gathered up heroes from various futures to RRHAAAOOOR! I'm told by editorial that "RRHAAAOOOR" means "kick some ass" in panther. How come it's usually okay to swear in a foreign language in an all ages comic book?

One of the "heroes" he brings is Lobo. So Brainiac is fucked.

An easy way to tell if a comic book fan is a psychopath is to gauge how angry they get at two things I love to write (largely for that reaction): Deathstroke is a pedophile and Lobo is the most powerful and most fuckable and greatest character to ever come out of DC. Along with websites that track known pedophiles in your neighborhood, I think we should also have a database of people who get irate at the idea that Deathstroke is a pedophile. They go fucking crazy defending a fictional character's reputation over something not worth defending! I might agree they have a point that using the term "pedophile" is misleading at best. He's more of a statutory rapist! But even that gets their Quixotic gears turning. Yes, I'm comparing myself to a majestic windmill. The Lobo thing doesn't get people so incensed but it does bring out a lot of actually nerds who don't understand how much fun I'm having with my hyperbolic love of such a one trick character. My favorite thing about Lobo is that he looks cool in a way that doesn't look cool at all. How did they do that?! He's a hot clown! He's a MILF: mechanic I'd like to fuck! He's so over-the-top that I can't understand people who try to take him seriously. He's the greatest joke DC has ever played on their readers and I love him unironically. Also, you know Lobo leaves you satisfied after he fucks you. And I don't think it matters if you're female or male or space dolphin. He's gonna give it to you fucking good.

Twelve year old me would totally jerk off to this picture.

The pieces of the Totality are secured and all the Starmen throughout time are linked together psychically. It's their last chance! Perpetua is about to be defeated! I will ignore the cover and pretend that everything is going to work out and that Hawkgirl isn't going to fuck it all up with her desire to bash Luthor in the back of the head with her mace. Hopefully J'onn J'onzz will finally assert his will and get her back on track. Or else the multiverse is doomed! You know. Like Luthor has been trying to explain for forty-five issues. Welp. Kendra fucked it all up. Perpetua is risen. All hail Doom. Justice League #34 Final Thoughts: Okay, fine. The big plan failed and Doom won and Perpetua can now manipulate the multiverse however she wants. But there's one thing she forgot to do before declaring victory: she didn't kill Batman. What a fucking amateur move! The first villain to actually begin by killing Batman will be the first villain to completely take over everything. I guess that's why The Joker is the smartest villain in the DC Universe. He's doing the real work.

[pan-matsuri]

Questions

Borrowed from this post. 1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? I have immense anxiety regarding my current work situation, knowing that I leave my heart at home every morning to go to a job that I have no interest in doing and mentally exhausts me with stress, but at the same time possessing a fear that I’m not actually qualified for any other jobs and a similar fear that switching jobs will result in a reduced paycheck and further deferral of going to grad school. This couples on top of an anxiety that working these sort of jobs any longer will dull my mind and that I often fear that I’m not actually smart enough to go to graduate school and be a teacher like I dream of. And on top of all of that, I fear that my general lack of energy will prevent me from being able to pursue my creative dreams, such as writing a story. I also one day dream of pursuing romantic subplots but I just have a whole mess of anxiety and fear that my reclusive nature brought upon by general and acute work-related stress prevents me from even knowing where to begin to meet new people and commit to the energy needed to make a relationship work. This all ties in to a fear that I’ve constructed in my mind the idea of a perfect life that I’ll never be able to replicate fully. The executive summary is that I constantly struggle with my risk-averse nature, knowing full well what I want to do and how to achieve it, but being too chickenshit to actually do anything about it. We’re off to a good start, I think. 2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? No I hate mornings. 3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? Yes I think so. I have asthma so the smoke would be a problem, plus it would be a hobby that we wouldn’t be able to share. 4: Do you find it easy to trust others? No. 5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? Playing video games. 6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? I don’t drink, and I try to make sure I know the area before I start wandering by foot. Take that, quizmaster! 7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? It would hurt a lot. 8: Are you close with your dad? Much closer than we were when I lived with my folks. But we have some disagreements. 9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? You should check your sources. 10: What are you listening to? It’s probably in Japanese and it’s probably an anime theme on repeat. 11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? MILK. 12: Do you like hickeys? Okay so one time when I was younger, I accidentally gave myself a hickey on my arm because I found out you could leave a mark with suction and I wanted to investigate. I have had fuck-all for Sex Ed or Health education in my life and had never even heard that term before, so when my parents asked why I had a hickey on my arm, I didn’t really know what they were talking about. 13: What time do you go to bed? The wrong time. 14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? Yes and it is me. 15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? I would not describe my texting as “quick”. I move the phone towards and away from my face to confirm depth perception, extend my index finger forward, and carefully press the wrong letter on the keyboard. This method allows me to type at the same speed at which I am able to process conversation. 16: Do you always answer your texts? Most of the time, but it takes me a while if I get nervous and overanalyze my response. I also don’t respond if the last text has ended the conversation. 17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? No. 18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? Last night. 19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? Many people do that. 20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Frequently, I distract myself from falling asleep because I know I will not want to wake up in the morning to start another soulless day on the job. 21: Is anyone else in the room with you? Yes technically. I work in an office. 22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? Boomerangs rely on this principle to function. 23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? Four months ago was before I got demoted, and it was also before the election, but neither of those things has really changed the world all that much. I’m still just as stressed and the world is just as filled with hate, it’s just that now I don’t have a reason to care about work and the hate is more out in the open now. 24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? Not sure I understand. 25: In the past week, have you cried? I cry at every anime. 26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? I only wear black and gray anymore. 27: Do people ever call you by your last name? No. 28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? Possibly the entire earth’s population but that’s for the best, as I am a piece of work. 29: Do you have a best friend? Yes. 30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? I’m sure it would be. 31: Who was your last call/text message from? My housemate and best friend Amelia. 32: Are you mad at anyone? Who has the time? 33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? No. 34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? The premise of the question is wrong. 35: How many more days until your birthday? I have already been born. Sorry, you probably missed it. 36: Do you have any summer plans yet? I want to, but need to confirm them. 37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? Yes, most of them. 38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? Most people keep secrets. 39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Actually now that I think about it, I think every secret that I have has been divulged to at least one person, but never two secrets to the same person. 40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Can’t regret something that’s never happened. 41: Do you think age matters in relationships? It can. People of different ages can have wildly different problems. 42: Are you available? Mentally I’ve been checked out for years but I’m trying. 43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? Upwards of one. 44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? I wouldn’t. 45: Do you believe exes can be friends? Yes, there are many reasons why relationships change. 46: Do you regret anything? I regret lots of things. 47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? I don’t think anyone thinks my job is important. I certainly don’t, but I thought at least someone would. 48: Did you ever lose a best friend? Some things are natural. 49: Was your last kiss a mistake? See question 40. 50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? I’m not certain who they are. I have some hunches but I am not sure. If anyone reading this knows the answer, please let me know. 51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? See question 49. 52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? See question 51. 53: What was the last thing you ate? Cheerios, dry. 54: Did you get any compliments today? Not yet but I just drew a Pokémon so here’s to hoping. 55: Where are you going on your next vacation? Seattle. 56: Do you own anything from other countries? Yes, most notably I own a wanderlust from Japan. 57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? Many of my friends are women. 58: Where have you lived most of your life? The lower-middle class. 59: When was the last time you took a long drive? I don’t have a valid driver’s license anymore. But I took a trip with my parents to the coast when they were visiting. 60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? Not that I recall. 61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? I am not often filled with such hatred. 62: Who do you text the most? Probably Amelia. I don’t text very frequently. 63: What was the last movie you saw? In theaters, it was Doctor Strange. At home, I believe it was Atlantis: The Lost Empire. 64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? I believe it is because they do not exist but you would have to ask them. 65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? Zero. 66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? See question 52. 67: Do you curse around your parents? I do now. 68: Are you happy with where you live? Yes, it’s much better than the last one. 69: Picture of yourself? [link] 70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? Everyone can do want they want but I would get along best with another monogamous person. 71: Have you ever been dumped? Sure. 72: What do you most like about making out? I don’t. 73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? See question 66. 74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? See question 73. 75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? I believe it was intended that people would be observed as a whole. 76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? Amelia. 77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? Sex is gross. 78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? See question 77. 79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? Anime. 80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? I don’t think we’d be able to pursue the same goals with the same fervor at this time. 81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? Yes. 82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? Social media has made this default behavior for society, I think. 83: Do you miss your last sweetie? I don’t have one. 84: Last time you slow danced with someone? A wedding. I made two of my friends dance with me because they are important to me and it was important that I took the time to say as much. I’m sure it was awkward. 85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? No I don’t think so. 86: How can I win your heart? I need it to live so I’m hesitant to offer it as a reward. But if we’re talking about my affections, I like quietly talking about anime and sharing dreams and going on long walks. 87: What is your astrological sign? Aries. 88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Still playing video games. 89: Do you cook? Yes. 90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? See question 83. 91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? It would be nice to have the support but I want to make sure that I can give a relationship the full energy it deserves. 92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? I don’t know how to date. 93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? A pulse. 94: Name four things that you wish you had! I’d poll my friends to see if there is anything that they want that would not otherwise be able to achieve without magic. I can think of at least one for sure. I can also think of a number of normally obtainable things that could be expedited with magic. 95: Are you a player? I believe you misspelled “playa”. 96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? See question 74. 97: Are you a tease? Frequently. 98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? I may not be using Tumblr in the same way as the question suggests it should be. 99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? Perhaps. 100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? There are a lot of people on Tumblr. 101: Hugs or Kisses? Hershey’s Hugs are made with white chocolate and milk chocolate so you get both flavors at once. 102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? This is basically what I am getting at by answering all these questions. 103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? They look nice. 104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? You could theoretically do this for years to cover up that you never learned their name. 105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? No, I don’t think so. 106: Do you flirt a lot? I thought about trying it at the grocery store once. 107: Your last kiss? See question 96. 108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? See question 107. 109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? See question 108. 110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? Yeah. 111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? No, but I’m sure some people can answer this. With the right attitude, you can define your own future. 112: Does someone like you currently? This is not a thing that is readily available information to me. 113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? I might. 114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? I’d prefer something serious. 115: Ever made out with just a friend? See question 109. 116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? I don’t have enough data to make a judgement. 117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it. I guess maybe I’m not doing this right.