#why have I created this sad sad (probably bi) man?

[nonsensepond]

The kind of angst between two characters where person A accidentally hurts person B in a way that only hurts themselves much more later on. Then all person A can do is watch as person B gradually heals and start to grow apart from them, while they’re gradually breaking on the sidelines. Perhaps, all of it could’ve been prevented if it weren’t for the grave mistake, a decision not thought through, that changed everything.

And now go on knowing that they can’t blame anyone but themselves for this deep melancholy they’re experiencing.

“You’re finding your people, and I want to feel happy for you. But you’re killing with how well you’re doing without me…”

[artificial-transmutations]

A new character

"I approach the king and bow, before I say: 'Greetings, most noble King Tanarath, first of your name. Allow me to introduce my friends and my humble self.'" Brian said enthusiastically.

There was a moment of silence on the table before Dylan, another of the players, groaned: "Dude..."

Brian blinked and readjusted his glasses. Dylan sighed and explained: "You're not playing your bard anymore. That is totally out of character for a barbarian! Look at your intelligence stat. There's no way your character would even be able to form sentences like that."

"Oh. Right." Brian said. It had been four sessions now since his bard had died at the hand of a wicked owlbear, and although he had been sad about it, Brian had really looked forward to playing something else, for a change.

So, he had created Briarok, his barbarian. While he absolutely loved his new character stat-wise, he sometimes had trouble of actually playing the huge, muscled and dumb-as-a-brick man.

"So, I guess, I just go: 'Yo, king! What's up?'?"

Brian could feel the cringe in the room. Why was it so difficult for him to get into character? Steven, the dungeon master rolled his eyes. "Uhm... okay, let's try this one more time. Before I continue the session, I'd like you to say something in character. You just need to get into it, Brian."

"Yes, Brian, you need to... become one... with... your... barbarian." Dylan mocked in a slow, hypnotic voice and laughed.

"Okay, I think I got this." Brian said. He thought about the character he had created. Brian had chosen the barbarian class because of the raw power and durability it provided. He wanted to be able to protect himself and his friends from harm. Besides, barbarians were just plain awesome. Brian also chose the name Briarok, because he thought it was a cool name.

However, getting into the primitive mindset was difficult for him, especially since he was used to play a bard with lots of charisma.

Brian rolled up his sleeves, took a deep breath and flexed his unimpressive muscles.

"Alright!" he said in a loud voice and nodded.

The other players looked at him with disbelief, before Dylan laughed again: "Okay, that was kind of cool. I give you a 7/10 for trying."

However, something weird had happened. Brian was the stereotypical nerd, with no muscles to speak of. However, when he just flexed, small mounds of muscle popped up on his arms. When he relaxed his arms, however, the bumps did not shrink away again, but stayed visible.

"What the..." he mumbled and rolled up his sleeves further, trying to get a better view.

He could see his own arm, and the small protrusions. It wasn't much, but it looked definitely different from before. Wanting to explore further, his eyes scanned the room before settling on the six pack of large soda bottles on the floor. Usually, he had his fair difficulties lifting the 12 kilograms worth of beverages, but right now, it was easier. It was still a notable weight, but somehow, it felt lighter than before. In fact, he longer he lifted it up, the lighter it felt.

"Hey, guys?" Brian asked, while still staring at the soda bottles.

"Yeah?" Steven replied.

"What's the heaviest thing in this room?"

"Uhm... I'm not sure." Steven mumbled.

"The sofa?" Dylan offered.

"Not sure, but it's pretty heavy."

"Yeah, probably."

Brian placed the large bottle down again and flexed his arms. Bi- and triceps were now clearly visible on them, and didn't disappear when he stopped flexing, like before. His arms weren't the only thing to change, Brian noticed as he went over to the sofa. His shirt clung to his back, as if it was several sizes too small for him and his pants felt constricting as well.

Brian bent down and grabbed the sofa. Were his hands bigger than before? He needed to know now. With a grunt, he started lifting. Very slowly at first, but then it became quicker and easier.

Brian should be confused and normally, his brain would have gone to overdrive, trying to process what was happening, but for some reason, Brian only felt... good about it! His thoughts were slower than usual, but he felt a good deal of pride. He managed to lift a sofa with ease! That was awesome! He bet nobody else in this room was able to do that. He was the strongest of them!

With the sofa safely on the ground, he turned around to look at his friends.

They were all staring at him, eyes wide. Brian couldn't remember having seen anyone looking that surprised. Dylan looked at him and slowly shook his head. "Dude. Did you just lift a sofa?"

"Yeah, I did!" Brian answered with a big smile.

Dylan's mouth opened a little further, and his eyes went wider.

"You're all... ripped and stuff." Dylan remarked.

"Yeah, it's awesome! But sorry guys, I have to get out of my shirt and pants now, they're way to small."

Brian began to fumble on his button fly with his large hands and needed several moments to get it open. The buttons almost flew through the room as he released them.

The reason for the enormous pressure was not only Brian's package. His hips had become considerably wider and stronger. His ass was pronounced and muscular and exerted its own pressure to the construct. However, even though it was not *only* Brian's package, it certainly also had a part: his entire crotch region had become bigger and more prominent. Brian's soft cock made a clear outline on his retro pants. Would it become hard, Brian was sure it would rip right through them.

Brian took his pants off and stood there in only his underwear. It was now tighter than ever and stuck to his body. He gave his friend a broad grin and tried to work on his shirt. That, however, proved to be way more difficult. By now his shirt looked like it was painted on him, showing the clear outline of impressive pectoral muscles and at least a six pack underneath.

"Damn, man! You're... hot!" Dylan said in awe while Brian was still trying to wiggle out of his shirt.

With a frustrated grunt and a gasp from his friends, Brian finally resolved the problem another way. He grabbed his collar with both of his strong hands, and with a bulge of his massive arms, he just ripped the clothing in two, from top to bottom. His undershirt went down the middle, along with the remnants of his destroyed button fly, as he held up the pieces in front of himself.

Victory! He just felt like shouting, so he roared loudly in triumph and threw the remnants of his clothes to the ground.

Grinning broadly, he grabbed his chair and pulled it away from the table before sitting down with his legs spread widely. Man-spreading like that and readjusting his large package shamelessly, Briarok rumbled loudly in his deep new voice:

"Alright! Where were we? I want to kill stuff!"

Dylan, Steven and the other friends had trouble to hide their erections from the display of raw power.

Steven gulped and continued: "Okay, so, after speaking to the king, you venture out into the cold mountains..."

I think I would enjoy playing with that dude afterwards! What do you think? If you want to see stories like this as soon as they appear, alongside exclusive content like the 15(!) picture candidates that did not make it into this story, be sure to subscribe to my riot page!

[mlmarint]

hello to the bridgerton fandom: here is my thoughts about what happened.

first, i am a bridgerton fan since 2015/16 when i read the books, i was active on facebook and twitter about it back then, so i am not even a little surprised how much hate we saw in the last hours.

i remember VERY clearly how much racism there was involving casting people of color back when the cast was announced. i stopped being active on the fandom, i left the facebook groups, i stopped following pages, all because i hated seeing so much hate and racism. i remember how much hate regé had to endure “because simon wasn’t black”. honestly, i remember being confused about how they would handle casting poc in a history drama like bridgerton, but i LOVED the ideia of embracing history inaccuracy like they did it with the tv show. we need more of that on media.

but back on regeé, he had to suffer with “not looking like simon” and then being absurdly sexualized int he show. AND before anyone says “oh it’s an explicit show everyone was sexualized”:

1 - rewatch simon’s scene and compare them with others characters

2 - read the comments and the way people (specifically white woman) said about him

3 - also, read an article about the sexualization of the black body by white people

so, no i don’t believe that regé left the show because “he wanted to try other things”. this fandom it’s so so disgusting and has been for a long time.

when i met john, i saw a lot of people saying he was ugly. he’s a handsome man.

people loved the idea of lesbian!eloise, but it had to be with a white woman. the moment michaela appeared on the scene most of you didn’t hate her because she wasn’t michael, most of you hated because she was a BLACK WOMAN and that made frannie bisexual. probably if michaela was white the amount of hate would be less then we have right now.

listen, i am a fan of the book and frannie’s it’s one of my favorites loosing only for eloise’s and daphne’s. i was SAD that i wouldn’t had michael on the screen, but i also like the idea of michaela. i know sometimes they have to change things on adaptations, and when they change it to people of color or make someone queer?? i love it even more. “oh but don’t change a character for it, create another one, i want this one”. he have millions of straight histories out there, let’s tell queer stories in shows with audiences like bridgerton. let’s make a history drama not be about two queer people that suffered and died without being able to show their love. let’s make this because it’s necessary and beautiful.

and its okay to be sad about “losing” michael, but ask yourself: why am i truly sad about it? at what point this sadness it’s becoming hate?

now, about the fact that “this changes frannie storie and i don’t like it”. it only changes a little bit and honestly they have a possibility of changing for even better.

i personally didn’t like francesca’s reaction when she met michaela. one very important thing about her history and biggest one it’s that she wasn’t attracted or in love with michael when she was with john, she learned it was okay to want and love michael after johns death and THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. i really hope they don’t go towards a infidelity plot (cheating it’s not just kissing or sex, it can be a lot of things) john was her first love, she loved two people, but she loved and was happy with john. now, if that was just a bi panic moment? don’t care about this, fine, it’s okay and understandable. i just don’t want her having sex dreams about michaela while with john. please don’t do this.

that being said.

the whole “infertility plot” can be EVEN more powerful on her season. why? she would loose john’s baby. she wants to be a mother. if she stays with michaela? she won’t have a baby. later she can realize that she can adopt and there’s more than one way of being a mother, but that would be something to work towards it. she would have to abandon her dream (again, later realize she can still have it) in name of being in love and happy again. THAT IS SO POWERFUL.

the queen probably will give some permission to michaela be the earl, michaela could fight for the titles go to woman’s too. again, it’s not a historical accurate show.

in queen charlotte’s story the society had to deal with poc be included in society, in frannie story they’d have to heal with queer people be included on it.

frannie story can be so more powerful and beautiful and important.

yes bridgerton it’s a not perfect show, it’s not a 100% good adaptation, but it can be a powerful show. having poc and queer representation on it would be so more important than having your little story book become real on tv.

i don’t think that they’ll change eloise’s story specifically because we already met her *male* love interest, maybe she can have a fling with a woman next season, but honestly she needs to grow up before her season.

i don’t honestly know about benedict’s season. i don’t think they’ll genderbent sophie, but if they did it i would like it too. i honestly think they only made him bisexual (and frannie too) because they saw it the fans liked the idea.

BUT i think they can change hyacinth’s and gregory’s histories too. AND i would love to see it two. imagine hyacinth doing crime with a woman, IMAGINE gregory STEALING the GROOM from the altar (said groom having to be force to marry a woman despite being gay). i would love to see it.

honestly, i stoped hoping for book accuracy since anthony’s season and as much i didnt love it at the beginning, i learned to love it with time as a different and separate thing from the books.

you can be sad. just don’t spread hate. don’t be a racist. don’t be biphobic and/or queerphobic.

it’s so beautiful to have something like this happening in pride month don’t ruin another thing.

and if you want to “stop the show, it’s ruined for me” go ahead and do it. honestly? it won’t change a thing, people will still watch and it will still happen. queer people will continue to fight and love, and queer histories will continue to be told.

[historia-vitae-magistras]

Can I ask why Arthur is your exception to what is otherwise your bisexuality rule? You've shown other relationships besides fruk so I'm curious.

Women deserve better. Jk I do think he's bi, I kind of like engbel especially but much its because my universe stems into the 1980s and Nancy Reagan probably would have tried to gob on some lime and salt nuts if she'd caught a vibe and it's just better for everyone if there are no vibes to catch. He's just sliding towards the mlm version of the Kinsey scale. Also I think I've been really influenced by how there's this really fascinating string of real people in history who were considered very effete, think dandies or Oscar Wilde types. And they were suspected of sexual activities that were then very illegal. Except sometimes they have a shit ton of rumored bastards and that could often keep them off the radar or out of jail.

I've read the archival material of a lot of men right into modern times who would have a very fake but very intense looking romance with a dying woman who was often their very good friend so he could go a good twenty years before anyone bothered him about producing heirs like "oh the poor man lost his great love let us leave him alone to mourn in his sad bachelor state." Like yeah nah he's been living with his boarding school blow buddy for 30 years. Or gay men who would marry widows quite a bit older than them, adopt her children and spare themselves the act of reproduction. Then be described as being inseparable from their valet who apparently saved their life in the Crimean war or some shit. (They're gay.) In a lot of times and places in history, it was the rejection of the bourgeois respectability and the social responsibility to marry and reproduce that was unacceptable rather than just same-sex love. Or to have children and a household was a very powerful shield against social exclusion or legal punishment.

So yeah, the prickly question of Arthur's sexuality and how it effected family life occupies my brain a lot and not just my shitposts about Matt sleeping in the barn because his parents are railing lmao. How it makes his children, especially Alfred but all of them, social currency. How creating this illusion of a family life forms them and keeps them safe as almost-human creatures with almost human rules in a human world with human rules.

[pojofi96]

General Headcanons about Bi-han (SFW but kind of long!)

His thoughts: When he’s not mulling over clan business, plotting, or committing crimes, Bi-han often thinks about his mother or wanting to be alone isolated in nature. (More under the cut!)

He’s always felt more at peace away from most people than with them. Clan business comes first and foremost though.

What he loves: Shaved ice. Most of the time he won’t even put syrup in it, he’s happy enough just eating it raw - bonus points if it’s shaped like food. There is a certain artistic value to his powers that he greatly admires and he likes creating things (ice sculptures, random shapes, etc) more than he likes to admit. He also loves it when he goes outside and there’s tell-tale signs of winter - an animal’s tracks in the snow, icicles dangling, breath becoming visible in the air. He loves the biting, bitter chill of harsh cold. While most people would find it unpleasant, it’s refreshing to him and helps to make him feel more invigorated and alive.

What he really thinks about his brothers: He gives up a lot for them. It was something he’s always done without complaint, as he was always dutiful like that. This sense of responsibility runs so deep that he doesn’t even see it as an option to not take care of them - he just knows that he was born into it, so he has to. Their father was a man of many secrets, and Bi-Han bore the weight of these so that his brothers don’t have to. It’s because of this that he feels like they’re obligated to show him respect. Problem is though, the brothers don’t really know what they’re supposed to be thankful for. They don’t know exactly what Bi-Han has gone through for him to feel like he’s entitled to unquestionable loyalty from them, and this frustrates Bi-Han to the point of near resentment.

Additional note about Tomas: Part of his treatment of Tomas might be because he feels in part guilty for what the Lin Kuei did to his family. He will forever resent the blunders his father pulled (because Bi-Han would never have committed a mistake so grave if he was grandmaster) but something about the way Tomas doesn’t seem to be bothered that he’s living with his family’s killers bothers him. It always has. Because Bi-Han knows that if it was him he would be enraged. He should be! Bi-Han has no doubts in his mind that he’d kill all of his oppressors once he had the chance - if the roles were reversed. That’s why he could never bring himself to fully trust Tomas despite the time they’ve spent together. Or maybe Bi-Han even sees him as lesser for not avenging his family as a way to cope with guilt and frustration with his father’s actions. Since Tomas is so clearly unbothered (from Bi-Han’s POV) he feels obligated to deal with the anger that he feels like Smoke should be feeling on his behalf.

His parents: His mother’s loss hit him hard. She was a rock in his life and he was never quite the same without her.

He’s never really gotten along with his father. They disagreed on many things and Bi-Han can’t say that he’s at all sad that he’s gone. This general feeling probably doesn’t change much even during his possible future redemption arc. Even if it did, it’d be more like him regretting the actual action and intent, rather than Bi-Han actually missing his father. Although I could see a redeemed Bi-Han trying to atone for it regardless.

What he secretly worries about: There’s always a nagging voice deep inside him that what he’s doing is wrong - that he’s made a grave mistake and that he needs to turn back. It’s faint, but unmistakable and still there. It tells him lots of things, like that he won’t really be happy even if he achieves his dreams. It’s a slight, silent nagging that Bi-Han shoves down deep. Whatever regrets he has left are overshadowed by his constant self-affirmation and denial.

[roseofhybrids]

The best way I've found to describe being aroace goes a bit like this.

Let's take a straight man for example. He's attracted to women, but not other men. No matter how handsome or kind, no matter how well he gets along with another guy, he simply isn't attracted to a guy like how he is with ladies. No matter what your sexuality is, straight, gay, bi, pan, you simply are not attracted to your family members. No matter how hot your parent or sibling is, you just simply don't have those kinds of feelings for them because they're a close relative.

For me, it's like that but with everyone. No matter how beautiful, or how well we get along, those feelings of romantic and sexual attraction simply DO NOT occur. Be it some wires in my brain not connecting or just some mutation in my mind, whatever the cause, I just don't experience those feelings. That's just how it is, c'est la vie.

Many can try to find a reason why they don't occur, find a mental switch that if flipped would make me be able to feel that way about another person. Personally, I don't see the point in doing anything about it.

Say they created some pill that would turn me from ace to allo. I probably wouldn't bother taking it. Not because "Oh not if I'm not ace I'll just be straight and I can't have that." (and the price this hypothetical drug would have in the US of A aside). I wouldn't bother because I don't see the point in doing so.

One night, before I knew what asexuality was, I can remember laying in bed thinking it over. I thought to myself, "Well, I don't like guys... but I don't like girls either... So, I guess I'm straight but just won't ever date anyone." It wasn't till my final year of high school that I realized the flaw in that logic.

It took the better part of a year to put two and two together. Learning the word asexual didn't make me ace, it just gave me a word to describe a concept I already knew. Heck, I can distinctly recall learning the word and finding the definition very relatable. But my thought wasn't "Oh, so that's what I am" no, my first thought "neat, good for them." It wasn't until health class when I started to think about it more. I learned that the age of consent is 16 in Ohio and was confused. I thought to myself, "what's the point of it being less than 18? We're all still kids, why would anyone want to sex?" Upon later hearing my classmates talk about sex and being in relationships that it started to click that I was the odd one out. The age of consent of 16 because teens have those feelings for each other. Yet I was a teen and I didn't. It was only then that the pieces feel into place.

In a way, it was the same as when I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. My therapist telling me that I have SAD (GAD now) didn't give me a mental disorder. It just gave me an explanation about something that was already happening. Why other people weren't scared into silence when meeting strangers. Why other people didn't have random panic attacks in the middle of class. Why others didn't get so stressed about being late for work that they give themselves 30 minutes to do a 10-minute commute.

Why does all that happen to you? Because you have generalized anxiety. Why you've never wanted a boyfriend? Why you get uncomfortable during movie sex scenes? Why it's never occurred to you that other high schoolers are horny? Because you're aroace. That's just how the dice fell, that's just how it be sometimes.

So, what would be the point in trying to change it? People can come up with X and Y reasons why I have to, and I have a counterpoint to all of them. But none of them matter in the face of one thing:

As I am now, I am happy and content with my sexuality. It's my life to live, and I'm happy to live it as an ace of spades.

[dollsbite]

☆. . . pity party

ft. corpse husband + gn! reader

note: reader dresses feminine, no pronouns are used

a few hours have passed since your party was meant to start, yet none of the guests arrived. not a single one. your eyes are trained on the grandfather clock nestled in the far corner, staring intensely as the metallic hands shift as each second goes by, the pendulum swaying in tune. some say that time is an illusion created by man, yet this apparent illusion made you feel restless as each second passed.

did my invitations disappear? you wondered as you finally tore your eyes away from the clock. the delicacies you put your heart into were left abandoned on the dining table; the finger sandwiches remained cold, the heart-shaped cookies were left untouched, even the grand chocolate fountain was undisturbed. begrudgingly, you grabbed a cookie and nibbled on it, despite your faltering appetite. the dessert tasted surprisingly tart, despite the sweetened batter and toppings; it was probably the result of your bitterness.

why the hell is no one here? you began to grow more agitated, the remains of your cookie crumbling under your tightening grip. you invited almost every classmate in your grade, why didn't they show up? you slaved away for hours to bake the food and neatly write the invitations in beautiful calligraphy. the least they could do was let you know they wouldn't be able to attend.

tears glazed over your once twinkling eyes. you were a kicked puppy, left abandoned on your birthday; not a single soul decided to celebrate your special day with you. watery mascara streaked your cheeks with a faint charcoal tint as the tears unleashed like a waterfall. your choked sobs went unnoticed as you, in a mixture of sadness and rage, tore the happy birthday sign off the wall, along with a few party streamers. you threw yourself on the couch, observing the damage as you wiped away the black smudges.

you frowned, shifting on the large couch. your legs rested on the plush cushions as you moved, resting upside down. you glared at the dessert table that now hung from the ceiling. shutting your eyes, you breathed in deeply, feeling the warmth of blood rushing to your head. the pressure on your head distracted you from your frustrations.

your eyes opened abruptly and you lifted your head. your eyes fell on the appetizing, main treat: the beautifully decorated cake. you straightened up and smiled, mouth-watering at the sight of the whipped frosting as you stood above it. might as well indulge in this pity party. before you could serve yourself a slice, the doorbell rang. confused, you set the knife down to answer it.

once you opened the front door, you were met with the sight of a man clad in all black. he held a hastily wrapped gift in one hand, the other adjusting the collar of his dress shirt. the mask that concealed most of his face was hard to miss: it was a dark purple bunny mask with rows of sharp teeth. his eyes were glowing, one a milky white and the other a dazzling crimson. you've seen him around before: his name is corpse.

"hey," his tone was almost breathless as his eyes met yours, "am i too late?"

"no, you're just in time," you excitedly inform, "come in!"

just by the appearance of your house's exterior and the foyer, corpse was in awe. it radiated the embodiment of riches, with its lavish architecture and neatly kept lawn. his gaping expression was hidden behind his mask as he gawked at the spacious size of your living room; just this one room was bigger than his whole, cramped apartment.

once you turned to face him, his eyebrows were raised and those bi-colored eyes held a look of concern, "did everyone leave already, was i that late?"

your gaze shifted from his as you look down at your pristine shoes, shamefully admitting, "that's not the case, actually: you're the only one that showed up."

corpse hugged the gift closer to his chest, before holding it out for you, "that's such a shame, they're missing out. you look gorgeous, by the way."

you reached out for the gift, feeling the rhinestones against your fingers. it was clear that he'd taken the time to thoughtfully place each gem onto the glittery, black wrapping paper. a lacey bat-winged bow held it all together, while the tag read in messy pink ink, "love corpse <3".

"thanks, corpse - thank you," you murmured, his words working magic on you.

-

"no, this way, corpse!" you called out, giggling at the sight of the blindfolded man. his body lurched forward a few times, nearing falling as a result of being spun around one too many times. he held his hands out in front of him as he held onto the donkey's tail, eager to place it onto the poster. you were thankful he hadn't pinned it on you.

the blinded corpse stammered over to you as you backed up into a corner. you let out a soft scream as corpse pinned the fabric onto the material of your clothes, just like you feared. he pulled the blindfold up a bit to reveal a glassy eye,

"guess i lost, huh?" corpse asked sheepishly.

"nope. you're lucky i didn't decide to use pins," you showcased the donkey tail proudly on your shirt, hoping corpse wouldn't feel too bad about it.

it was your turn next. corpse spun you around just like you did with him, releasing you once he finished. you stepped forward, nearly tripping over your own feet.

"give me a hint! am i close?" you asked, vision still blinded.

"no cheating," corpse responded and you scoffed.

"really? on my birthday?"

"you're not gonna have another birthday if you keep this up," corpse joked, making you laugh,

"you wouldn't," you challenged, reaching forward towards the sound of his voice. you tripped over the leg of the couch, holding your hands out to catch yourself. it was fruitless, however, as you eventually came crashing down; the man trying to save you yet he fell with you.

the two of you laid on the floor in a heap of tangled limbs, laughing your asses off. you pulled the blindfold off, the laughter slowly dying once you realize how close the two of you were: your face just inches from his. corpse broke eye contact to glance at your lips,

"you're right. i wouldn't."

[itsallyscorner]

Play Me A Song

Paring: Tom Holland x fem!reader

Summary: This is based off the video of Tom playing guitar that he posted on Instagram:) Tom facetimes you to help brighten up your day.

Warnings: none

A/n: Not me using fan fiction as a coping mechanism for my stress, yet ONCE AGAIN.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

✧───── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *. ☽.* :★. ─────✧

“Hellooo, gorgeous girl!” Tom cooed as his face popped up onto your phone screen.

You let out a nasally giggle, the side of your face snuggling deeper into the pillow Tom would use when he was over at your house.

Tom tilts his head at the phone, a hint of a smile on his blush colored lips. The action caused his mop of chocolate brown curls to slightly bounce, catching your attention. You longed for the feeling of running your hands through his soft hair. You missed the way it felt between your fingers and how it would make Tom nuzzle closer to you.

“How was your day? You sounded a bit upset on the phone.” He checked in, voice soft and sweet, yet full of concern. His brows furrowed, causing a wrinkle to form between his brows.

You breath in, smelling the hints of him on your pillow. He was miles away, FaceTime allowed you to see and talk to him, though it wasn’t the same as him being beside you. If you were together right now, he would probably envelop you with his protective arms, pull you into his warm chest, and press kisses all over any bit of your exposed skin. His curls would tickle against your neck while he buried his head into the small space between your neck and shoulders—though you wouldn’t mind the tickle because it would remind you that he was there with you.

You sighed, “Today was a rough day. My professors have been piling work on us and I got called into work on my day off. I haven’t even gotten to start that research paper for class—I’m just so burnt out. I’m tired of trying, Tommy.”

Tom pouted, bringing the camera near his face to feel closer to you. He only felt the heat of his phone screen against his face, but he could still feel the light vibrations of your voice through the phone’s speakers. He placed the speaker of his phone slightly atop his chest, so he could feel the rhythm of your words against him. It reminded him of the days you two would cuddle after the both of you had long days at work. You would tell each other about your days and bask in the feeling of being in each other’s arms. He missed the feeling of being close to you.

“I know you have a lot of work to do, but you need to give yourself breaks, darling. And don’t tell me that you don’t need a break, you’re human (y/n), there’s only so much you can do in a day.” He began. Tom knew how you could get when college got overwhelming. Sometimes there were weeks where you would throw yourself into work, with no sleep, minimal food, and too many cups of coffee. He adored the diligence you had for your education, he wished he could’ve had that when he was still in school, but he wanted to make sure that you were taking care of yourself.

“Listen, you got this, I know you do. You’re the most intelligent and hard working woman I have ever met in my life. There’s nothing you can’t do, because I know, one way or another, you’re gonna find a way to do it. You always do. I just don’t want you to forget to take care of yourself. I know your education is important, but so are you.” He finished, a small smile forming on his lips. You hum in response, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of myself Tommy.”

What you say seems to reassure him, his shoulders visibly loosened up and the smile on his face grows a bit wider. Your own lips turn up on their own, reciprocating his smile.

“How about you, how was your day?” You ask him. Tom sits up and leans against his headboard.

“Well they’re still renovating the house, so Harry and I decided to rent out a place not too far from mum and dad’s. We actually had lunch with them, I got to see Tessa—gosh, I wish you were here right now. Tess was bouncing all over the place and giving everyone kisses, you would’ve loved it. And Paddy! He’s gotten so much taller since I’ve last seen him, and his voice keeps getting deeper, it’s actually embarrassing for me to be beside him because I’m older and I sound like I’m the one going through puberty.” He rambled, one of his hands making gestures and his face making expressions as he spoke. You loved the way he could just go on about a certain topic, especially when it came to his family. As sad as it was to see him leave for the UK, you were also happy because you knew he’d get to see his family.

He continued to talk about his day until his leg bumped into something, causing a hollow thump to emit from the object.

“What was that?” He leaned forward, the sound of his sheets rustling as he moved to grab the object filling your speakers.

“My guitar.” He grunted, holding the instrument up. “Remember, you got this for me for my birthday!” He proudly reminded you. You had gotten him the Ed Sheeran edition Martin Guitar after he had been going on and on about wanting to learn how to properly play the instrument. At the same time, he had a little obsession with Ed Sheeran and his music, so when you saw the guitar in the shop, you thought why not? You knew he would love it.

You fondly chuckled at him, “Yeah I do! You even promised to write me a song one day after you opened it.”

The last part of your sentence caught his attention, “I will write you a song one day, I’m very serious about that promise, love.” He pointed at you.

“Oh, are you?” You tease him.

“Yes, I am. In fact, ever since I’ve gotten back home, I’ve been practicing again and I’m doing much better.” He confidently told you.

“Can you play me a song?” You softly ask him.

“I can play you ‘Grow as we Go’ by Ben Platt. It’s the song I’ve been practicing.” He placed his phone against a pillow, using it as a stand. He placed the guitar in his lap, positioning his fingers on the frets and strings of the guitar.

“Yeah, play anything. I just wanna hear you play.” You mumble, your voice coming out in a muffle against Tom’s pillow.

“Just a warning, it’s probably not that good.” He mentions, shooting you a playful look.

“I don’t care.” You smile. He starts to softly strum the opening of the Ben Platt song and you couldn’t help but smile. He looked away from the camera, trying to focus on the notes and giving you a good look at the side of his face. The light shines part of his face, leaving the features you can see dark in the shadow, though it didn’t stop you from making out his gorgeous brown eyes. His long fingers move fluidly along the strings, creating a sweet melody on the guitar.

He stumbles a bit, making him whisper “Bollocks.” The little hiccup didn’t stop him from playing and so he continued to strum the guitar. You decided to stay quiet, letting him be in the zone. He messes up again, this time saying “bollocks” louder than the first time. You see him slightly shake his head as he regains his focus and places his fingers on the proper strings again.

You fondly watch him as he play, admiring the man you call your boyfriend. His fingers twitch on the string causing him to pause. He sucks his teeth, a bit of a frustrated grin on his face.

“Mmm.” He looks at you before turning away, “Okay.” He plays again, brows furrowed together in concentration as he tries to play the part of the song his keeps messing up on. You couldn’t contain the giggle that came out of you when he cringed at the sound the guitar made when he tried to play past the note. He pauses looking at the ceiling and tries to figure out the next notes.

“Alright, last time.”

“You’ve got it.” You encourage him. Your words give him some confidence and he shoots you a sweet smile. He readjusts the guitar in his lap, this time keeping his eyes on the strings as he plays. He strums the song again, starting off slow then slowly getting faster. Though his pacing was off by a bit, the song still sounded great nonetheless. You were thoroughly impressed.

He stops playing sitting back against the headboard, “I don’t know why I speed up though. I don’t know why I decide to do it so quickly.” He says into the camera.

You laugh, “It still sounds great though, I really enjoyed it.”

Tom tilts his head at you, teasingly squinting at the camera, “Even with the amount of times I kept stopping?”

“Yes, even with the amount of times you kept stopping.” You laugh, adjusting your phone. Tom puts the guitar aside and grabs his phone. He lays back on his bed, his head resting on his pillow and his curls sprawling out on the cushiony white surface. One of his hands rest behind his head as he stares at you.

“I’m gonna keep practicing. So the next time I see your beautiful face I can serenade you with a song and my guitar.” He muses, a lazy grin on his features.

“That sounds like something out of a chick flick.” You snort. He shoots you a playful glare, “Shut up, you love it.”

Tom knew you were a sucker for chick flick gestures. Kissing in the rain, watching the sunset, you name it.

You sigh, scrunching up your nose, “Yeah, I do.”

“But only from you.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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[bisluthq]

It’s really sad how mean Gaylors are being towards Joe. They truly have nothing to gain from all of this. They could use this energy to amplify other queer female (particularly WOC) artists but they don’t. Instead, they are upset that Taylor isn’t the doll that they created in their head. They stereotype gay men by circulating photos of Joe from his college days to insinuate that he’s gay. They repeatedly create lies about him not being William Bowery. The way they are acting reminds me a lot of how closeted kids are bullied in middle school / high school.

And how does behavior embolden Taylor to come out? Honestly — and forgive me if I lose you here — but their actions high key feels biphobic. Like they’re retaliating against Taylor (who is probably bi imo) because she’s with a man.

“And how does behavior embolden Taylor to come out?” -> this is something I actually feel extremely strongly about. I have a lot of new readers so allow me to share a TikTok on this with a lot of thoughts I agree with:

I’m sorry but did ANY OF YOU come out because people yelled “lmfao that’s so gay” at you?

I have shared a story here before about how two of the most embarrassing moments for me in middle and high school - like as I was sorta becoming yk sexual - were related to people IMPLYING (maybe on accident) that I’m gay.

The first was in middle school and tbf I got bullied a bit in middle school so she might’ve meant it in a gay way idk but like I used to make these Photoshopped edits for all my school projects using female celebs I liked (but on theme so like I made one for a Switzerland project with Renee Zellweger and I made other ones too but the Renee one is where this came to a head and it’s the one I remember best). So I had my little gay ass cover and this girl who sorta lowkey bullied me went “why do you always make these covers with the girls on them it’s so weird” and she might’ve meant it’s weird I Photoshop because it was weird but I just heard the “with the girls” part and almost died and never showed my little graphics again irl I think maybe ever actually.

The other incident was for sure on accident, like it was just banter: a guy friend of mine in high school looked at my laptop screensaver, which was Olivia Wilde in that GQ photoshoot yk the gymnastics one lol and he went “lol noice picture you got there lmfao” and it was an era where gay jokes were funny and that’s defs where he was going with it but because I’m actually gay I DIED and I went “yes I like House” and he was like “???” because that wasn’t the right response and I was like “yeah I like House dude why the fuck else would I have this picture lmfao” and a few days later I changed it to a pic of Hugh Laurie and had that for months before changing it to Amy and Eleven which I felt comfortable with and in hindsight both of whom I wanted to fuck although at the time I just figured it was neutral territory.

Now that’s me sharing my closeted experiences. I’m sure many of you have yours. I’ve NEVER heard of someone saying “ya people called me gay so I went well shucks you got me and came out! Thanks everyone who called me gay!!!”

If you think Taylor Swift is CLOSETED then why in the fuck are you trying to out her?

If you - like me tbh on some days idk I’m just not invested at this point - think she might be bi and signaled that (as other artists have done before formal coming outs) then like dope, she’s one of us, let’s make gay jokes and move on. She actively doesn’t mind Gaylor which suggests to me it’s either this or she’s a weird straight lady. Idk. Fuck, maybe she doesn’t know.

Either way, legit Hetlors and Gaylors - people whose online identity revolves around truthering her sexuality either way - are all equally out of line.

She’s got her London Boy, maybe she likes boobies, she doesn’t mind if you think she does, the end.

And if you genuinely think she’s a secret lesbian like BRUH STOP SAYING THAT OUT LOUD THEN like let it go dude. Because she sure as shit has NEVER implied this!? And calling closeted gays gay on main does not ever help them??? Ever??????

[likearecordbb]

about your post on the recent discourse...

it's honestly so confusing to me because like,, you say that ppl pointing out how members of this fandom will make neil very stereotypically 'feminine' is reinforcing the idea of 'masculinity' as one thing and 'femininity' as another.... and i get that we should get rid of these labels. but at the same time... the content itself that ppl are criticising (the ones that 'feminize' neil) are already doing just that. that's why they're criticising it.

i can't point out how ppl are reinforcing the idea that a relationship should have a 'man' and a 'woman', without... saying that that's what they're doing. the writer themselves already sees relationships this way and 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as two different distinct things. that's exactly *why* they're writing neil this way while keeping andrew close to canon.

there's nothing wrong with neil being stereotypically 'feminine' of course. but to act like it's somehow misogynistic for me to go to these ppl and be like 'hey, u shouldn't view mlm relationships through the lens of a hetero one! it can be very harmful' is weird to me... *especially* considering these stereotypes that ppl are pushing onto neil come from misogyny themselves. (ppl making neil much much more emotional than he is in canon while keeping andrew very stoic)

idk, like... ur simultaneously saying that we shouldn't view relationships as needing a 'man' and a 'woman'... while defending people who are doing just that and creating content which reinforces just that.

it's one thing to say 'we shouldn't view masculinity and femininity as two distinct and different things!'/'we should get rid of these labels all together cause they're meaningless'... but if i look at the content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes... then i can't help but feel like ur not as detached from the idea of 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as u would like to believe... i trust the ppl who say these ideas are meaningless while not changing the canon characters because they seem to be sticking to their words.

people will just say that they prefer writing andreil is this heternormative way... they'll just say it what they like or what they're most comfortable writing without ever questioning *why* they prefer it this way.

and if they're projecting.. well then, *why* this couple? why pick an mlm couple to project what is often the experience of a cis woman in a relationship? why pick this mlm couple when there are others that do fit the stereotypical heternormative dynamic? idk. like,, u can do this ofc, but ppl can also call u out on ur shit.

there's an undeniable reason that neil is exclusively the one that ppl pick to make more stereotypically 'feminine'. and there's a reason this type of content is also so popular. and it's certainly not wrong to point this out.

You know, I can see all of these points that you're making. For me, the overall issue of this is very complicated. I am also super uncomfortable with the imposition of heteronormative roles onto...well, onto any relationship, regardless of the identities of the people who constitute it. I was raised smack dab in the middle of the gay community by lesbian moms (together 38 years now, jfc, can you imagine??), so that "man/woman" thing was never something that I grew up internalizing or normalizing. I can recognize that this may give me a bit too much of a sense of objectivity.

However, I'm also like...I've been ruined by grad school. The "feminizing" word makes me really uncomfortable because it starts to stray for me into gender essentialism territory. It also seems to foundationally differentiate between "masculine" behaviors and "feminine" behaviors and I just really hate that? Lesbian moms, trans daughter, bi (and late-in-life trying to see where on the ace spectrum I might fall) self, I've just met so many people with so many expressions of gender and sexuality and I just... Idk, I automatically resist anything that feels like it's upholding "masculinity" and "femininity" as real (as in, not constructed) things. And then I also am like, well, I've known SO MANY gay men who behaved in the ways that the discourse constructs as "feminized" and then I start to feel like, what about these men? Are they less 'men' because of it? How would it feel for that man to read these things saying his identity expression was a problem or a bad stereotype? Do I read *Neil Josten* within that context... no, not really. I think Neil has a 'not enough emotional expression' problem way before he has a 'too much emotional expression' problem.

I'll say here what I often say to my students in complex discussions: I don't have answers. I don't think I'm right and anyone else is wrong. I just have complicated thoughts and feelings and concerns about some of the things that sometimes seem to be left uninterrogated.

So, I do 100% get the need to be vigilant about the imposition of a "man" (dominant, emotionally constipated, sexually driven, stoic) role and "woman" (emotional, needy, teary, dependent) role onto relationships with two (or more!) men or women. I would also argue that we need to get rid of that idea in hetero relationships, too, because it's super damaging. I just wish we could find a way to talk about that that didn't feel like it was accepting this idea of femininity as a given? And I definitely agree that it's problematic when the 'bottom' in a relationship is depicted as the one who's soft and silly and weepy. (Have you read TJ Klune's Tales from Verania series? A VERY fun world that does that not at all and it's great). I'm not saying these things are not worth confronting--I'm just really uncomfortable with the way the conversations are often framed around a concept of femininity/feminizing. It feels like shrapnel, I guess? Like, 'ugh stop feminizing Neil he's not weepy and uwu he's a badass' feels inherently to me like it's making femininity and badassery mutually exclusive? Maybe I'm just looking for a caveat or footnote in the argument that acknowledges that that is constructed *for women too*? And is a part of, like, a larger heteronormative patriarchal structure? And not something that we can just all obviously agree is the way the ladies (should?) behave?

One other question I've been dying to ask, though, is: where are these fics? I don't think I've ever read something where Neil is crying over Jack being mean to him or anything. Maybe if I start to see hints of that characterization, I just close the tab and never end up getting to the 'worst' of it?

Although, if what you said earlier about the "content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes..." was referring to me, then... idk what to say to that. I don't think that's what I do. The heteronormative relationship that you're describing isn't one that I enjoy, desire for myself (or anyone else), or have any interest in reproducing.

Does this clarify what I'm trying to say? I guess it's a really long way of saying, in the old insufferable grad school tradition: well, first we have to define our terms. Because I'm not sure we're all coming up with the same thing when we use the word "feminizing" and that probably has a lot to do with why we keep having this exact same conversation over and over and over again.

If I missed any specific point you'd like to pick at in more detail, please let me know--my very sad platonic life partner (who had to put her beloved 15-year-old poodle to sleep yesterday) and her mom are waiting for me to drive them to the stores for a distraction, so I'm feeling a little time pressure.

[heyitsyn]

Nekoma!Manager!Male!Reader

a/n: never written male reader before but this was a funny request and i really do see the irony in this

anon request:  

absolutely LOVED your seijoh hcs! you said you wanted to do the other schools so i thought, how about nekoma but with a MALE manager bc it would be so ironic to have a male god as their manager rather than a goddess that they always talked about!! thank youuuuuuu!!!!!!!

yall the nekoma fanchant is literally stuck in my head

hehe uwu lets step on the pedal

ong jesus take the wheel pls

so basically,,,

being the nekoma manager is a MESS

lets say youre a second year and was only the manager bc you were begged into taking the job

like wouldnt leave you alone and pestered you 25/8, screaming about needing their own god manager

also just because, you are fairly popular and you have your own fanclub of girls in nekoma and they thought it would give them more exposure and more chances w girls :’)

tora was actually the first who came up to you and begged you to be their manager during class one day bc they are in need of one but they arent allowed to have a girl manager so he turned to having a handsome male

‘I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IT HAS TO BE A BOY’

‘so you wont be all over him abd be distracted w showing off’

‘WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION MY SE-’

‘tora, please’

initially, you refused bc you just couldnt be bothered to be part of a club where you basically babysit a bunch of overgrown children

but kenma, your childhood friend, was the team’s last attempt to get you in since kuroo mentioned that he was the only one you listened to

‘kenma, babie, i love you, but i am your friend, not your nanny. so unless i am paid, i will not waste my time taking care of of all of you. especially that chicken head’

‘y/n, yaku is on his last leg here. we really need a manager and we need it fast’

‘you went for years without one so why do you need it?’

‘we’re scared that nekomata would just drop dead any minute now’

‘yanno? im surprised hes even still alive with yall’

‘....... ill show your fangirls that picture of you when we were 5 when-’

‘okay, kenma. rude about the blackmail but okay. dont expect me to be the maid or anything’

nope, you were actually the maid

and the cook

and the nanny

and the laundry person

the everything

it baffles you that kuroo is about to graduate next year yet he still doesnt know the difference between fabric softener and detergent

the amount of times you sent him to pick up more and only to send him back when he ended up buying 2 softeners or 2 detergents

‘they all look the same!’

‘kuroo tetsuro cAN yOu NoT rEAd?!’

ngl i still mix them up sometimes

during matches, youre basically their mother, their nanny, and nekomata’s notetaker, and their personal cheerleader

naoi, the other coach guy, and coach nekomata has adopted you as a son bc of how hard you work and the less the burden is on them

like your notes about their playing percentages really works and helps them and added with the chores you do for the team?

godsend

also, lets put your popularity in here

you dress with a white shirt and zip up your red nekoma jacket with your red sweatpants so you look like one of the players, right?

but how come every time they have practice, youre the only one with the fangirls in the bleachers?

youre literally wearing the same thing as them yet youre the only one who gets looked at?!

even kuroo, who was quite good looking, doesnt have that many girls pining after him yet you, resident anti-tryhard, seems to get the female population to fall for you just by doing the simplest things like breathing

youd be doing normal things like using your whistle as you hold a clipboard and girls would be screeching at you 

‘omg m/n is so hot!’

‘hes just !!!! uuggghhhh’

‘siri how to be a whistle?’

i am uncomfortable with the energy we have created in the gym today

tora complains about it all the time bc first, they cant have a beautiful manager, two, they have a pretty boy who’s taking the attention away

‘SO NOT FAIR! M/N, TURN UGLY!’

you bonk him on the head in anger and threaten to quit all the time

‘say that again and you’ll be filling your own water bottles tomorrow’

but in truth though, the guys really do appreciate you and everything you do

they know that you balance them with your personal life and classes and still make time to do their laundry and make them food

so they have started easing off the burden and weight off of your shoulders

at first, you were very suspicious when they told you that they already filled their water bottles

‘huh? i didnt think you even knew where the water fountain was’

‘wym weve been doing this for years’

-kuroo

then, you heard kuroo tell the others to put their sweaty jerseys in the basket in the corner of the room and for the last person to carry it to the laundromat

‘um, sir, we dont want to have another pink jersey disaster again’

you stopped inuoka from lugging the basket but he shook his head and gave you a wide grin

‘nope, m/n-senpai! i’ll carry it for you! i’m strong, see?’

he flexed his right arm muscle while holding the basket with one hand but it was too heavy so it fell to the ground, spilling out all the practice jerseys

you sighed before bending down to pick them up and babie inuoka’s eyes watered, thinking you were mad at him

‘gomen, senpai’

he whispered but you looked up at him from your position

his watery eyes made you frantically stand up and wipe his tears with the pads of your thumbs

‘inu-kun, why are you crying? you said you were strong right? dont cry over silly things, okay?’

he nodded and you were still confused as to why he was so emotional but you patted his fluffy hair 

‘now cmon, lets go take these to the shop’

unbeknownst to you, the team was actually seething from behind the wall

naturally, as a,,, manager,, you became their,,, energy?? 

like the slightest affections from you made their health bar increase tenfold and they didnt necessarily have any intentions towards you

you were like,,, their own,,,, happy drug?? like a human seratonin??

just the fact that they had someone like you to fall back on and give them love when they lost or something

it was comforting

usually it was just the team’s responsibility to throw away their own sadness and comfort each other

but with you,,,

they could easily cry with no fear and you would comfort them until they didnt need to be comforted anymore

eventually, they ended up straight out competing against each other on who would get the most affection

clearly, inuoka used his first year card and everyone knew you were soft for your kouhais

like you would just grab them and hug them because of how cute they were

uwu especially lev?! 

he may be a giant but hes just a really REALLY REALLY BIG CAT

;)

LEV LIVES TO HUG YOU

like the mans is beanstalk level of height and despite the age difference, he just picks you up and cuddles you and youre just like ‘okay, let it out babie’

DKSFJSLD ANYWAYS

you are always a hot topic w all the students in nekoma and even some in other schools

like during training camp, bro you making everyone question their sexuality

omg akaashi and you are probably the prettiest people there and can i just say how everyone cant focus on a practice match bc youd be laughing together or something and they havent heard anything so beautiful??

and the kitties get really defensive over you and hiss at anyone who even tries to approach you

hiss hiss

DKJFSLKDFJDWHAT IF EVERYONE IN THE TEAM IS BI

OMG WHAT

like the little touches from you make them so red and confident gays like kuroo and bokuto call you out on them and tease you 

while the quiet ones like akaashi and kenma are just blushing and stutter and you tease them instead?

*inhale* BOI *exhale*

the uke and seme dynamic is real on this one

however, there are times when the turned tables

there was that one day that you were seriously questioning if bokuto wore leggings or just really high knee pads and you cornered him after baths to just figure it out

like our poor confident boi turned to a shy babie and shrunk against the wall, covering his red face

‘y-y/n-kun’

‘bo-san, i just want to know’

DKFSJLKDFJFJSDKIM DYING OVER HERE LIKE PLEASE I DONT OWN Y/N

after seeing the smidge of skin at the top of the kneepad, you nodded and brushed your fingertips over the flesh

‘hmm~ so i was right~’

FROM THEN ON POOR BABIE OWL COULDNT LOOK AT YOU THE SAME!!!!!!

it worried everyone so much when bokuto would glance at you in the sidelines and he would competely miss akaashi’s set bc his eyes would focus on you rather than the ball

like he absolutely couldnt take his eyes off of you and when you do turn to meet his eyes, he shrinks back and looks away, completely missing your amused smirk

now, your kitties werent happy about that

theyre very protective of you and they felt that this owl could snatch you right up and fly away

and kuroo, being the captain and the head of the familia, took it upon himself and dragged you to the back of the gym while the others were practicing

kurat pushed you against the wall and basically kabedonned you

KUROO IS LIKE 6′2 OR 190 CM I CANT

‘you seem close with bokuto, l/n. almost, too,, close’

an amused smirk etched itself on your lips and you pressed a hand on his chest

‘oya~? captain-san, am i being punished?’

SFDKLFSJKLDFJL SIR Y/N IS SUPPOSED TO RADIATE SEME ENERGY BUT HE ISNT AND I CANNOT-

ofc he was taken aback by your flirty attitude but he smirked and softly brushed away your bangs that slightly covered your eyes

‘hmm~~ depends, y/n-kun. are you going to be a good kitty and stay with the clowder? or are you going to stay with those pesky chickens~?’

DKFLSJDKFJSL BRO DID YOU KNOW A GROUP OF CATS IS CALLED A CLOWDER?! I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT BUT I HAVE A FEELING KUROO WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT BC HE BIG BRAIN

you chuckled and gently wrapped your arms around his shoulders

but your hand grabbed the hair at the back of his head and harshly pulled him to be closer to you

your eyes blinked innocently but your sharp teeth were shown from your malicious grin

‘ive always been a bad kitty, captain. so i dont care what you say because you cant tell me what to do~’

👀👀👀👀

imagine what happens next bc i cant write something unholy

anyways

so you learned that tetsu CAN in fact tell you what to do and you avoided everyone else which caused them to wonder but one look at your neck

well,,,,,

you got attacked by a cat 

a cat named tetsu

SKDFLJSDKFJSLKUROO IS THE ONLY SEME YOU CLASH WITH

THE OTHERS ARE ALL UKE

EVEN BEEFY BUFF CAKE BOI BO

but you toned it down to not be attacked again

ngl the whole team was all jealous and they even whined to kuroo about it

‘thats not fair!!!!’

‘stop abusing your role as captain!!!!’

they hated the fact that kuroo got you first so they all rally over to keep you away from him

like baby kenma would nudge you over and bring him to sit next to you, saying he needs you to help him with a certain level

‘kenny, im not sure how to play this game’

‘hmm,,,, youre a quick learner, y/n, and youre really quick with your fingers so you could pass to the next level’

*insert lenny face*

‘oya? and you would know how, kenny?’

and baby kenny would fluster a little before glomping to your side and burying his face into your shoulder to hide away

OR

the first years would absolutely use their kouhai priviledges and bring you over to help them with ‘homework’

‘you guys realize i passed because kuroo would beat me into studying right?’

‘but senpai! you mustve learned a thing or two in your classes!’

‘bold of you to assume i was even awake in my classes’

but they still make you spend hours trying to help them which turn into just messing around 

KSDLFJSDKFJD MOVIE NIGHTS YOU GUYS THATS IT!!

there isnt really a single calm moment in your guys’ practice

poor you have already started seeing lot of gray hairs

you literally decline every single confession just because youre too busy for a date and you cant handle having to take care of another person

its like youre dating the whole team!!

soon the entire school have just accepted the fact that you are just simply not in the market anymore just because you joined the club

not because youre actually taken by a girlfriend but youre taken by a bunch of teenage males

imagine how that works out

anyways

youre not really the best volleyball player out there but you know a thing or two

well,,, its more like your stamina doesnt allow you to play long bc a single lap literally destroys your lungs

but you still know when yaku complains about having a shaky receive

‘oh, momo-senpai, youre bending your knees too low so gravity is pushing down on your-’

ugh chemistry i hate it

despite your lack of athletic or physical skills, they still appreciate you for your keen eyes, your caring nature, and your overall looks that give them motivation to play harder to impress you personality :)

all the boys love you

and tbh

you love your boys too

even though it was a blackmail caused event,

you still would’ve joined otherwise

this is kinda short but its going to be longer if i find some plots or somebody asks for a plotline that i can write about for a long time

anyways

byeeeee :)))))

a/n: this isnt exactly the best manager one ive written but ill probably find a good prompt for this or again as stated ^^ someone sends in an ask for it and ill write a story for our favorite male manager :’D

[sheryl-lee]

hi!! sorry this is random and you are probably already getting a ton of asks about this but i couldn't help relating on a personal level to your post about eddie i even followed because you're so right 🥴 especially your tags!! i also agree w how it's likely people obsess over him because he's a white guy, and they'll ignore other really compelling plots and characters. a great deal of the st fandom (no shade but) has always been like this --- before eddie came billy and while eddie is definitely a better character to obsess over (IMO), it's still just because he's... white. and good looking, i suppose! joseph quinn is amazing, but i didn't get the hype either and thank you for speaking up because 😳 tbh i feel the same way. i dont have anything against him i just dooooont get the hype, i dont see why i'd have to scroll down the st tag and find several posts on a yt man with over 50k notes when the show has so much more to offer, especially because wow sadie sink, millie bobby brown, and caleb mclaughlin's performances were amazing considering how young they are!! i think lucas was just exceptional this season, too, if i were to obsess over a st guy it'd definitely be him...... and max and eleven had such complex plots each, it's a little sad that people these days will be baited just because of a white man (regarding media) all of this is very lighthearted and it's just my opinion, SORRY, this is long you don't have to read it/post it and on a side note i love your header HJASDKG

heyyy not random at all! yea the billy thing is something i have many many problems with and i h8 that character so much and i h8 how people in the fandom latched onto him purely because he is a yt man played by an objectively attractive yt man but that's like a whole other thing. eddie was a nice guy unlike billy but both are such surface level characters who were clearly always meant to be supporting players and both d*ed and like WHY that is so hard for some people to comprehend is truly beyond me. like there is no reason other than people really enjoy uwuing over their yt men. i completely agree with you, caleb was amazing this season and i adore lucas as a character. max and el and robin are all wonderful characters with arcs and all are played by compelling and talented actresses. i'm just sad that with all the progress we're making regarding diversity, (and as a bi woc myself) that society and fandom culture are still obsessed with their pathetic yt men. not to say you can't enjoy those characters (minus billy bc he's a racist pos) but when you start ignoring or villifying minority characters, it becomes a problem and creates this cycle of negativity and bigotry and idk it's tiring to see everywhere, all of the time.

but please don't apologize for sharing your thoughts! i truly loved reading what you had to say and i couldn't agree more. thank you (and tysm for the follow ❤️)

[max-vandenburg-is-life]

Long Loki rant incoming

Ok first things first I've always liked Loki a lot as a character but I don't consider myself a really really big fan mainly because I haven't read the comics. So all this rant is gonna be only about mcu loki and loki in the mcu has been written differently depending on the movie so yeah. And on that note let's go!!!!

So today I'm gonna talk about what I liked and what I didn't like about the Loki show. This is obviously just my opinion, you can disagree with me! I'd love to hear your opinions!

First I wanna talk about is the writing of Loki's character. So previously it has been established in the mcu that Loki doesn't do bad things just because he's a bad guy or because he wants power above everything else, but because after all the manipulation and lying he went through as a child, the abuse, always been seen as less than those around him and being taught to hate himself for who he was (a Jotun). He wants validation and being treated the same as the others, he doesn't really care about ruling or being king. His actions are a result of his trauma. So the show painting him as "He's a bad guy!! He's evil he can't help it it's in his nature!! He just wants to be king!!!" felt off to me since it completely goes against all the previous canon. Apart from that, I feel the show also erased other aspects of him that had always been essential to his character, such as him being very smart and always having a plan, and his powers (he BARELY used his powers throughout the season and he's supposed to be the best sorcerer in the nine realms. Please). So yeah there's that. I didn't absolutely despise his character in the show or anything like that, he generally seemed more happy and chill and that was good, I just felt some aspects of the character seemed inconsistent.

Apart from Loki, something I loved about the show were all the new characters that we were introduced to. Sylvie was absolutely fantastic, she had a well written tragic backstory, she had a goal and she had layers. She was a really well written character. Also she was just really cool overall, she had a cool personality and seeing her use her powers was very fun. (Sylvie your hand in marriage) (I guess I can talk about the "betrayal" now. So yeah not gonna lie I don't think it was that bad. She had a goal she had been pursuing her whole life and she obviously prioritized that before a guy who she met a few days ago. She did hurt him of course but still it's easy to understand her decision.) Mobius was also really cool, in the first episode I didn't like him much but I started liking him a lot later on. He's just a good guy, he wants to help people. (HE ONLY WANTED A JETSKI MARVEL). And I liked his story a lot, he was forced into working for the tva because his memories were erased and he was told what he was doing the right thing when killing all those people, but once he finds out all of it was false he immediately starts going against it and trying to help as many people as he can. Ravonna was also a good character (I keep saying all of them are good characters lol they're well written ok). Like okay she was a little bit evil but I liked her. I really liked her ambition and her confidence. I would have loved to know more about her life at the tva, because it seemed like because of her position she knew some things that most didn't. Hunter B15 was also really good, loved her character development. Casey only appeared in the first two eps but for some reason I liked him a lot idk why. Casey my beloved. Kang was mind-blowing good, he absolutely carried the episode. He was so fun to watch and a very interesting character. This is how you do villains Marvel. And then all the Loki variants were amazing. Classic Loki was great, he was more mature and wiser than the Loki we're used to watching and I felt really sad about his whole situation (aka trying and failing to find his brother because he missed him, getting pruned and then dying). Kid loki was a BLAST, I really liked the little funky dude and I would love to know more about his life. Boastful Loki didn't appear for long but I liked him a lot, he looked like a really funny guy I wish he had had more screen time. And then there was the Lokigator which was also great. President Loki was also cool (meaning he had the coolest outfit), but we didn't see much of him. I think that's a big problem with the show, because they made it seem like it was gonna be more about the other Loki variants and their timelines (that's what it seemed to me from the trailers) but then we barely got that. Sad shit.

Now let's talk about the writing of the show in general. The writers definitely went off with the philosophical conversations, I enjoyed them greatly (Loki's and Mobius' talk in the second ep and Loki's and Sylvie's talk in the third ep were amazing). Something I didn't like at all about the show (this is probably my biggest complaint) is that the writing of the show throughout the episodes didn't seem consistent, like each episode seemed to be a different genre, and that made the whole story feel weird. What I'm trying to say is: the first episode was about Loki learning more about his life and reflecting on why he does the things he does. There was more to the episode but it was mainly that. It was a very emotional episode. The second episode looked like a cop show, they investigated a crime scene in the beginning, they did some detectiving, they had a great breakthrough and found out were the villain was hiding in the end. The third episode was an action episode. It gave me the vibes of mid season episode that isn't too relevant to the plot in which the characters go on some short mission. The fourth episode I can't exactly categorize it I think it was kinda like episode 1 but with some more action. The fifth episode was also a mix, they had a lot of reflecting on Loki's character like in the first episode and then also some action. And the last episode was mostly just exposition and a tiny bit of action at the end, very philosophical and stuff. It also felt like in the first two episodes they were indicating that the show was gonna be about free will and good and evil but that kind of disappeared for a big part of the show. I'm trying so hard to explain myself well, I hope what I say makes sense. Now my opinion on the episodes, my favourites were definitely ep 1, 3 and 5 (haha odd numbers go brrrr). The pilot was absolutely amazing, and I loved the direction the show seemed to be taking (YES MARVEL explore his trauma mmmm that's some good shit right there). It was really emotional but like in a good way. The third episode was great. I think it balanced really well the action and the dialogue, seeing Loki and Sylvie going on their shenanigans, using their powers and fighting was really fun, and then the train talk scene was absolutely amazing (bi loki yay! Gonna talk about this later). The fifth episode was great mostly because seeing all the other Loki variants and how they contrasted between each other was fantastic and I loved it. I really hope we see more of the variants in the next season. The other eps, the second and fourth were okay, the one I think was the worst one was the last one. Damn that episode. It was a very slow episode. Thank god the guy who plays Kang was really good because otherwise the episode would have been impossible to watch. There was so much exposure but it felt like we already knew most of it? They talked about how multiple timelines existing was bad because chaos and stuff, and they talked about the war in which the different timelines battled each other. Ok we already knew this. I feel like the only important thing to take from that whole talk was that Kang's variants are very powerful and dangerous and they were introducing the villain to the mcu. The whole episode felt like instead of giving closure to the characters or ending some storylines, the main thing it was doing was introducing the concept of the multiverse for the next marvel movies.

Something that surprised me a lot about the show is how important it is for the mcu storyline. Like in the first episode they talked about how the tva (and of course Kang) was much more powerful than the Infinity Stones, when basically all previous marvel movies were about them and about their power. And then Kang was revealed to have created a sacred timeline, he controls absolutely everything that happens. All of this is so important and for some reason I didn't think the show was gonna be like this. Not that I'm complaining, this is great. And I feel like a lot of people are not realising how big it is? Like I don't see much talking about how this is literally the greatest power in the universe.

Damn this is getting long sorry.

I suppose I'll have to talk about it because it has been this big thing. I'm talking about the loki x sylvie pairing. I didn't like it too much, it felt a lot like the writers went "he's a guy she's a girl so they have to fall in love", like I felt they had a very different dynamic and when they said that I was mostly surprised and confused. Because they were variants of each other their romance felt weird to me, and the fact that they made a character genderfluid and then made a woman and a man version fall in love also rubbed me the wrong way (I'll talk about the genderfluidity later). I did like the mobius x loki pairing more, but still I don't think they should have got any romance this season, I feel like there has to be a lot more progress in that relationship before any romance. I generally feel like Loki should first start getting some friends and then later on we can start with romance. But yeah this is just my opinion. And all the drama and discourse there has been over this???? Some of you guys look ridiculous not gonna lie.

Ok now let's talk about representation. I'm not poc myself so I don't feel like I'm in the position to say if something was good or bad, so I'm not gonna talk about poc rep. The show did a good job with female characters, many of the main characters were women and they were very well-written, not sexualized and cast appropriately for their age (I can't believe I'm praising this, this should be the bare minimum. Why is media in general so bad. Like please just.) About the bi rep now. I'm sure that the writers or directors of the show had to fight really hard with marvel so that they could make loki canon bi, so yeah cheers to that guys good job. Obviously it's not enough, and I really hope his bisexuality is explored more later. But yeah we finally have a queer character in the mcu this is big. Now about the genderfluid rep. OOF. I have a lot to say about this. It was bad. Really bad. I don't know if they just don't know what genderfluid means but that's what it looks like after watching the show. Not only were all of the variants cis, but they also went on to say that Loki as a woman was a weird and uncommon thing. Oh my god. And what angers me the most is the fact that Marvel used the so called genderfluid confirmation to their benefit. They exploited so much that little piece of paper that said his sex (not even gender) was fluid. I saw SO MANY articles praising marvel for making him canon genderfluid, and then it was absolutely shit. Absolutely shit. Out of everything in the show this is definitely what I hate the most.

Gotta calm down now. The soundtrack of the show was amazing, the actual songs they used were perfect and then the music they composed for the show was just *chef's kiss* (i have no idea how they're called but the song that plays during the title sequence WHAT A BANGER and the one that plays when loki and mobius are looking at the whole tva from the balcony in the first ep WHAT A BANGER). The aesthetic of the show was also great, the colours were really pretty (Lamentis bi colours my beloved) and I think it had some really cool shots. The acting was great, I'm gonna highlight Kang because I thought he was amazing. The costumes and that stuff were also really cool, I really liked seeing all the different versions of outfits they gave to the Loki variants (if anyone is interested I made another post reviewing all the variants' outfits) and Kang's funky costume was great too. The design of the places and that stuff (I have no idea how to call these lol I'm trying so hard but I don't know any of the technical words) was great: Lamentis was really beautiful, the void was also very cool and the tva was really well designed.

Ok y'all I think this is it. I'm so sorry this is much longer than I expected and if anyone actually reads all of it i love you and PLEASE tell me your thoughts (if anyone wanna chat about the show with me privately send me a message!!! I love talking with y'all). A little final note, English is not my first language, nor my second, so yeah sorry if I can't explain myself well. Bye!!!!

[transsexualhamlet]

the problem with sherlock and watson (yuumori)

Feel free to ignore honestly this is a giant opinionated and not well informed ramble but yeah here it is for those of u that follow me for some reason, this is probably pretty controversial so yeah feel free to scroll past

also spoilers for anime onlys, we’re almost there though

So I’ve been Thinking about these two recently, and yeah, to be fair I’ve literally never read or watched any other adaption of sherlock, so I’m just speaking as to what I can tell, but yeah. I’m not sure at this point if it’s really a complaint or just an observation, but I do have some slightly confounded observations about how things are different from what I expected with them.

Mostly my Confounded Observation is just... Watson is straight?! I don’t mean in a literal way, he definitely has Bi Wife Energy TM but... you know, he’s comparatively straight.

Of course, I understand why the author might want to make sure watson doesn’t really get in the way of sherlock and liam (which is honestly hilarious but understandable) and for the purposes of the story it does make sense, but it’s... you know, again I haven’t consumed literally any other sherlock content so I wouldn’t know but from what I’ve heard watson’s always a flaming homosexual and well, it’s not like this series lacks for those, but?? 

It’s not just that he’s straight in the sense of his sexuality, it’s that... he’s a straight character in the sense that he’s like, normal? Kind of overly normal? I was kind of expecting more out of him, to be honest, and to see him just be like, a functional human being who seems to be doing totally fine in all ways? That... I don’t know, it’s kind of weird. Especially in contrast with Sherlock, who as everyone can tell is violently not doing just fine.

Since this part of the manga will be covered in the anime soon, I think this is timely, but I feel like this is just made painfully obvious when the shit goes down between him and sherlock.

Speaking on the nature of their relationship here, it’s weird. Because you know, the author is clearly going sherliam endgame (istg if they don’t just make it official i cant take this anymore) and I support that lmao, they’re like my favorite dynamic- but yeah, it’s obviously different from the other adaptions, where, you know, sherlock and john are ambiguously gay people.

Like, it’s honestly comical how in this series that is significantly gayer than every other one that watson is so clearly a Heterosexual Man honestly

But Sherlock still, clearly isn’t, and I think there is something to be said about how he feels about John, though of course in the end he... obviously chooses Liam. (and considering John’s kind of ass character in this version, he was right to do so)

I mean, just look at them.

We’ve got this obviously autistic obviously gay man who is violently codependent with this mild mannered british dude. Sherlock’s feelings for this guy are complex, and they’re clearly very different from the ones he has for Liam, but they’re certainly there. Sherlock clearly has no idea of romance, no idea of the boundaries between platonic and romantic relationships (and neither do I, but,,, yeah) and I think what Sherlock feels for Watson is like a queerplatonic relationship, but like.... not reciprocated?? 

It’s so weird for this to be the case, but it so clearly is? In the part where they explore that, it goes into how, like... Sherlock doesn’t really know how to function without Watson, dude’s holding up his entire mental health without even really doing anything, and Sherlock feels fucking awful when he is no longer Watson’s like, #1 person. The fact is, the same thing is going on with him, though they’ve existed like this for years it’s clearly not going to work anymore- Sherlock is basically having to choose between him and Liam, and you know what he’s gonna do. But it’s still an awful feeling for a bond that strong to break.

The thing about it really is that for Watson the tie was never that strong in the first place. Watson is so... without conflict in his character. And this is something that actually honestly bothers me. He’s so lawful good it’s infuriating. He’s steady, he’s calm, he’s rational and he’s emotionally mature, he can manage himself fine and care for everyone he needs to. He’s doing just fine even though Sherlock is caught up in this ridiculous murder drama, and that’s what makes the relationship so... I don’t know, off in this version.

Sherlock needs Watson, and Watson cares about Sherlock, but not nearly to the same extent, and he’s like. Not really doing it right? For someone who’s been with him for presumably years at this point, Watson doesn’t really feel like he knows Sherlock all that well. And that sucks that that’s the truth. 

In every other story with friendship/romance tropes like this, the characters have conflicts like this, but when one person thinks the other doesn’t care for them that way, they’re wrong. It’s like oh no, I’m a burden, I’m being clingy, he’s got a life to get back to and I don’t, I’m too much, he’s better than me etc... those are things Sherlock’s type of character tell themself, but the catch is that’s not actually the case, they’re just Mentally Ill. Having that just... be true in Sherlock’s case is kind of heartbreaking, as much as it’s clearly for the Sherliam agenda.

The problem is just that Watson here is just so lawful neurotypical that he just doesn’t really get Sherlock. He’s got this strict moral code, and he kind of makes it a problem to Sherlock. He says all the things that Sherlock would expect everyone to say, but it’s not what you’re supposed to say, you know? He’s all like murder is bad stop doing that I won’t be your friend if you shoot people we don’t do that >:(, be civil be nice stop putting yourself in danger Don’t Do Drugs etc etc. You know, of course that’s sensible information, but it’s... not what he needs to fucking hear? That’s like the school counselor going hey guys, just say no :D THAT DOESN’T WORK. And you’d think that Watson would get this by now? All it’s doing is hurting him more. It’s genuinely making me dislike Watson, and that’s not something I want to do.

I think it works for the purposes of this specific narrative, because they don’t want to create problems with Watson being left behind, they want to say that he’ll be fine on his own so that it will all work out fine. And yeah, of course I want that, I don’t want there to have to be conflict of sacrificing John’s emotions for Liam, but I feel like they didn’t have to sacrifice John’s character for him. 

This series could have a Watson who cares deeply about Sherlock and has some weaknesses and conflicting emotions about him without them being romantic. We haven’t seen how Watson dealt with Sherlock’s “death” yet, I don’t think, but... I don’t really like the thought that this Watson would honestly be fine. He’d be sad, he’d be mad, but he’d get over it and get on with his life and is objectively in a better situation without Sherlock. Yeah, I just... don’t like that.

I want to see a Watson who understands Sherlock. Isn’t that what he’s supposed to be? I want to see a Watson who cares for Sherlock so much that he has to make hard decisions, that he has to make the wrong decisions sometimes, that he has internal conflict because of it. I want a Watson who gets that Sherlock is nothing without him, who gets what’s going on with him and Liam, who’s trying to help him and keep him on track and maybe failing. I want a Watson who’s genuinely conflicted about leaving Sherlock for Mary because he knows it will hurt him, who worries about his ability to take care of everybody, who shows his problems from you know, being in a literal war, who wonders how to portray Sherlock in his books. We can have that without losing Sherliam, man. He doesn’t have to be Hideyoshi Nagachika (god, no one needs to go thru that shit), he just has to have at least a bit of emotion, bro. I want to see a Watson who’s struggling with what to do. Like. Even once. 

Instead we have this. This dude who is just... a nice, rather clueless guy who helps out sometimes and who’s just a bit too much of a rule follower to fit into a story like yuumori.

Sorry to just complain on main here I just think he was done a bit dirty here and it’s bothering me, if u have thoughts or info about other portrayals feel free to hmu i have become a bIT hyperfixated

[kuai-liangst]

Lost Snow Child Chapter Seven

Summary: Allison and Cole discuss things with Liu Kang as Hanzo interjects. A familiar gardening spade appears again, however, Allison is in charge of the brain cell.

“Do you know what Bi-Han was talking about?” Cole asks Liu Kang as he patches him up.

Liu Kang shakes his head, “This is the first we’ve heard about something like this. But, if what Kuai Liang said is true, it does explain why Lord Raiden felt the remains of Quan Chi’s mana on him. Bi-Han must have done a job for Quan Chi to resurrect Kuai Liang.”

Cole groans as another vision hits him. The man? Demon? Screams,  “I did NOT harm that child. I DON’T harm children!”

“You are getting headaches?” Liu Kang asks as he helps Allison finish patching him up. “I might be able to help if you describe it.”

Cole considers it, well. It’s not the strangest thing today. “I’ve been getting these visions.”

“Oh?” Liu Kang asks as Allison gives him the look.

“It’s of this man surrounded by fire. He keeps telling me to release him and that he didn’t hurt Kuai Liang.” Cole explains and then shakes his head. “It makes no sense.”

Liu Kang chuckles, “Actually, it makes perfect sense. Kung Lao’s the same way.”

“What?” Both Cole and Allison ask.

Liu Kang smirks, “Your mark is connected to Hanzo Hasashi. As such, you two are connected. He is probably trying to get you to summon him. Kung Lao’s ancestor, the Great Kung Lao. Will often talk to him and give him advice.”

“Whether we want him to or not.” Liu Kang adds with annoyance.

“So, how do we get him to stop?” Allison asks with a glint in her eyes, “I don’t want a child murderer trying to fuck around in my husband’s head.”

“ It wasn’t me!”

Liu Kang frowns, “We were not told much about your ancestor, Hanzo Hasashi. But the things we do know completely argue against the claim that he would or even had time to attack the Lin Kuei before the massacre.”

“What the fuck,” Cole groans as he rubs his hand over his face, “So, you think that they’re lying?”

Liu Kang shakes his head, “I do not know.” 

“Well, that’s helpful.” Cole groans, “So, what do we do?”

Liu Kang smiles, “We could ask Lord Raiden.”

Cole and Allison groan, “I don’t know. He doesn’t seem like…”

“He cares?” Liu Kang finishes, Cole nods, and a sad smile grows on Liu Kang’s face. “Lord Raiden has had to witness the slaughter of his champions for the last nine tournaments. He won’t let Outworld attack us before the tournament, but to say he’s been...discouraged is an understatement. “

“But I assure you, he most definitely cares.” Liu Kang says finally as he pulls out some herbs, “So, you mentioned that your leg was bad?”

Allison snorts, “You don’t actually believe that herbs can fix my husband’s leg.”

“You do remember that I can create fire with my hands.” Liu Kang reminds her as he starts to grind the herbs into a fine powder. “Although I do believe your skepticism. You will still need to make sure that you move your leg properly.”

Cole nods as Liu Kang hands him the medicine. “You’ll have to come back once a day and take all of that. You can mix it into tea or water and make sure you exercise your knee. From what I can tell it’s almost recovered at this point.”

“Liu Kang,” Cole says as he looks over the medicine, “How do I unlock my arcana? I know Bi-Han said that it can be unlocked in life and death situations, but I can’t…” He trails off as he looks toward Allison.

Liu Kang nods, “I understand,” the monk sighs,” I’m afraid I cannot offer much advice, whatever it is that drives you, will allow you to unlock your arcana.”

“If I may ask, how did you unlock your arcana?” Allison gently asks as she looks over his arm.

Liu Kang is silent for a second, “Unlike Kung Lao, I was a worthless stray.”

“For reasons beyond my ken, Master Bo Rai Cho found me half dead in the gutter and brought me to the Wu Shi Academy.” Liu Kang continues as he looks over Cole’s wound, “There, I was given a purpose. Kung Lao. I met Lord Raiden. Kung Lao and I have served together.”

He leans back and looks Cole and Allison in the eye, “Upon graduation, I was given a name of a man. He was a purveyor of rare things.” Cole saw the rage in Liu Kang’s eyes, “Children.”

Cole’s stomach drops and he can hear Allison’s low curse.

“Orphans, like me.” Liu Kang admits and Cole sees a bit of himself in Liu Kang.

“Did you kill him?” Cole asks darkly as the man pops up again growling.

Liu Kang nods, “He had a marking, so I chose to take it from him. And in that moment my arcana came forth.”

“Thank you for telling us that,” Allison says softly as Liu Kang finishes the wound on his arm, “...I am sorry that I harmed you earlier.”

Liu Kang shakes his head, “Do not be, I should have been more observant. More careful. I could have hurt the child.”

“I don’t think Bi-Han would have let you,” Cole admits as he pats Liu Kang’s back. “He strikes me as someone who is very...protective of his brother.”

Liu Kang nods, “I have heard stories of him, of his ruthlessness and cruelty. But...that man in the stories has never been quite described as the one I saw today.”

“He was going to kill us until he saw us with Kuai Liang,” Cole chuckles, “He tried to grab him and run.” Cole shakes his head, “Knowing what I know now. I don’t blame him.”

“I couldn’t imagine what Bi-Han must have felt, going to kill someone only to find your only family with them, knowing that Cole’s ancestor…” Allison shakes her head. “He’s such a sweet boy, I can’t believe that someone would ever hurt him.”

“They will be safe here.” Liu Kang reassures her, “You know that we will fight until our last breath to make sure they stay safe.”

Cole nods, “You said we should talk to Lord Raiden right? Is he available?”

Liu Kang nods, “For his Champions, always. Kung Lao will keep Lieutenant Blade, Major Briggs, and the pig occupied until dinner.”

Cole and Allison follow Liu Kang out of the infirmary “I think there’s something else going on, Bi-Han’s reaction earlier...It  hints at something.”

“That was almost...I’m hesitant to say PTSD, I’m not a psychologist. But, it was almost as if he was reliving a traumatic event.” Allison adds as Liu Kang leads them to the room they meet Lord Raiden earlier.

Lord Raiden is meditating and turns to them, “What is it?”

“We wanted to ask you about Hanzo Hasashi.” Cole says, “We figured you would know more than Bi-Han and Kuai Liang are willing to talk about.”

Lord Raiden shakes his head, “I am unsure of what happened between Hanzo Hasashi and Kuai Liang. He was an honorable man and protective of his family. He never struck me as someone who would kill a child.”

“That...doesn’t help,” Cole groans as another vision hits him. A vision of a kunai hits him.

Lord Raiden looks at him, “Cole,” He pulls out a cloth. It was holding a dagger. “The blood on this blade is your ancestors. Hanzo Hasashi. I took it from him the day he died.”

“Perhaps you can use this to communicate with Hanzo and get the truth of what happened.” Lord Raiden says as Cole gingerly takes the blade like it was an explosive.

Cole eyes the blade and Allison looks over it with scorn. “I’m not so sure that's a good idea,” Allison says as she takes the blade. “I’ll put this somewhere where Emily won’t find it. She never really outgrew that fascination with that one Japanese cartoon.”

“The one that she insisted I watch with her?” Cole asks as they leave the room. “The one with the girls who transform and use magic?”

Allison shakes her head, “No, there’s one with ninjas that she adored for a while. She was planning on showing it to Kuai Liang before we left.”

“Ninjas?” Cole asks as a bell rings. “Do I want to know?”

Allison shrugs. “Probably not, what was that?”

“The dinner bell, come. We should help Kung Lao deal with the pig.” Liu Kang tells her.

Allison shakes her head, “I’m going to hide this and then grab Bi-Han and Kuai Liang.” She says as she walks towards the room they claimed, “Behave.”

[demenior]

Dem’s Big Post About The Spn Fics Part 1/2

aka The Wrap Up to celebrate To Exist Again and To Become a Man now being finished!

(This will be a long post. This is your only warning.)

Admittedly this is a bit of a weird thing to be doing, but I wanted to try it out for 3 reasons: 

I love talking about my own work and 

It functions really well as a self-reflective tool for me to improve on, and 

I can answer some big questions people might have because there was a LOT of worldbuilding in these stories. 

We’ll start off with reflective stuff, and move into the juicier world-building focused stuff later into the post. There will be major spoilers for both fics to come!

To begin with a funny anecdote, Why Did I Write These Stories?

I was beginning to write and work out the story that I wanted to write for Spn (what will now be To Destroy a Man. As I was writing the scene, I realized I had a LOT of ideas and while I was trying to avoid as much exposition as I could, it became quickly apparent that I was needing to create my own au (this scene eventually became chapter 34 of To Become a Man). A short prequel seemed like a good idea, to quickly hash out the ‘prior’ events that I needed to go through so all the readers could be on the same page. While plotting out prequel points, I realized Sam and Dean were going to have drastically different experiences during the same time period, and I was trying to figure out who’s pov would be better for which scenes, and how to keep momentum when they’re going through such radically different types of changes. Ultimately I decided to split their povs, which I also thought would be a fun project! And I naively assumed each pov would take about 2 chapters each, rounding out to maybe 15k total.

I had my ending points: Dean n Cas soul-merged and (basically) married, Cas on the lam from heaven and a complete anomaly, and Sam juiced up full of powers and a weird mix of archangel and antichrist but still 100% human and ready to fight God. 

Now I needed to add weight to these changes, so I wrote 200k of build-up.

Am I proud of these fics?

OF COURSE I AM!!! These are the longest fics I’ve ever written AND finished AND in the fastest freakin turnaround ever (both were finished writing, barring edits, in like 6 months holy shit)

I didn’t write a single scene that I “didn’t” want to write. If I had trouble writing it, as in it was fighting me, I scrapped it. Most obviously was the scene in Dean’s pov where he and Sam were intended to meet some other hunters and Dean declines working with them because he’s nervous about being outed as queer. It was meant to be a good scene! I wanted to introduce some new characters! But it just wasn’t working so I said ‘thank you, next!’. 

But it means this story was an absolute joy to write. Because for a while all I was doing was ‘if I wanted to write one scene into supernatural, what would I write?’ and then just DID that!! It’s why there’s a lot of ‘Salmondean do dumb shit or have really dumb heartfelt conversations’ scenes.

Would I change anything?

If I’d been less eager to start sharing, I might have planned out the story beats a little tighter so there were less ‘soft’ chapters and a draw/pull for people to come back and keep reading. I felt Dean’s story specifically lagged at points and could have used some tighter editing (there was a noticeable lull in directed movement between Dean n Cas getting together, until Sam corrupts Amy).

I also probably would have held Sam’s story until I’d finished Dean’s so I could make the two line up better! Probably could have inserted more scenes into Sam’s fic that way, and made sure things were a little more consistent. In an ideal world one concept I had was to release 1 chapter from each pov every week that would correspond to the same time frame so we’d be getting real-time SalmonDean pov narrative. Unfortunately that didn’t work!

The biggest takeaway overall is for me to focus more on what moves the plot, and to make my scenes do more than 1 thing so I can cut down on wordcount and increase my efficiency. 

Of course every writer will find things they want to fix in anything they’ve ever written, so these are minor “mistakes” at best. I’m so dang proud of these fics. 

Onto more interesting things!

How Did I Put These Fics Together (because it’s different than anything I’ve ever done before)

Normally when I write a story, I plan out the beats I need to hit, see where I need to insert any kind of foreshadowing/buildup, and then write from A to B to C and so on and so forth. Hence, this is why I can normally post things as I complete chapters, because it’s all a linear progression. 

For these two stories, rather than linear plot/a normal story structure, I just sat and free-wrote any and every scene that came to mind and then pieced them into a kinda-linear form like putting a quilt together. You’ll note that this is why there’s not a lot of internal callback or a feeling of sense of time flowing within the fic (save for points where I went back and specifically edited it in). How long does the story take place over? Hard to say! Your author has the barest grasp on linear time even on a good day (how many times did I say ‘see you on [wrong day]’ at the end of chapters lmaaoooo)

This also meant EXTENSIVE editing on the back end once I decided in what order I wanted my ‘quilt pieces’ to be. Hard to say if this is a bonus or a negative!

But I did want to try and capture the vibe of the lives they lead, as a bit of a ‘slice of life’-style story, when the slice of life is the profound weirdness of the Winchester roaming life, and how things are status quo- until everyone almost dies oh shit!! And then they have to keep living because no therapy we die/undie like Winchesters. Do I think I captured this effectively? Hmm. Good question. 

Dem where the FUCK did the inspiration for a lot of the magic and creature weirdness even come from?

Honestly? Music, primarily. And completely mishearing lyrics!

Nightwish ‘Ever Dream’: the line is ‘my song can but borrow you grace’ and because my brain is scrambled eggs on a good day, I heard ‘grace’ ‘song’ and ‘borrow’ in that order and have had, for YEARS, the mental image of Cas borrowing Dean’s soul to power himself up for battle.

From there I’ve always been enamored with the ‘wavelength of celestial intent’ descriptor that Cas drops in s6 for “what he is”. 

I also really like ocean metaphors mostly because I’ve been obsessed with the ocean and things in it since I was like… 5??? So really this was me just rolling with what I know lmao. I love using (somewhat) accurate scientific metaphors for very intangible things!

I was also finishing my degree in biology/ecology while writing these fics and I think it shows

Stars ‘The Night Starts Here’ gives us the series title and the fic titles. Except for ‘To Exist Again’. TEA was almost titled ‘The Upwards Fall’ because I wanted all 3 of the Main Stories to have titles from this song, but I couldn’t make anything else work in tandem with the series name ‘The Love It Takes’ while also working for Sam’s personal story. So Sam, as always, is the rebel <3

Stars ‘Up In Our Bedroom, After The War’ is basically the vibes of the whole story. TFW has been, literally, to hell and back!!! There’s a bit of melancholy and sadness, a lingering dark, but the chance of a bright new tomorrow and a soft start.

Let’s Talk About Themes in The Story! What were you looking to accomplish? 

My earliest notes for TFW are, as follows:

Dean’s journey of self-discovery (who am I when I’m not trying to be Dad?)

Dean wants to settle down! He wants a big family! He wants to be domestic!

Basically: Dean doesn’t want to have a short life of hunting. He wants to live!

Dean’s journey of realizing he’s bi, and him accepting that

Dean’s relationship to Sam is both older brother/parent 

And continuing Dean balancing these roles while also letting Sam be an adult 

Dean’s Big Issues/Fears about never being good enough for people to want to stay with him (these are effectively highlighted in that Cas thinks he’s not useful enough to be wanted)

Sub Plot:

Castiel’s autonomy

Cas’ fall from grace, to trying to restore Heaven, to wrecking it further

He’s majorly depressed by the end of s7 (before purgatory)

Wants to stay in Purgatory but doesn’t tell Dean

Remains depressed after leaving, but resolved to keep living on because he’s clearly meant for something

After the seraphim reveal: does he have free will?! How does he grapple with this? How does he live in a way he can be proud of?

And lastly

Sam gets his powers back CAUSE THATS HOT

where tf did they go????

he got them from Lucifer?????

sleeper agent??????

Sam is The Chosen One

Accepts that he is More Than Human and to celebrate all parts of him

Lucifer and Sam friends?? Work together????

Sam needs autonomy in his choices/his life

If you compare these to the overall arc of TFW within the two stories, I think I got a lot of them! But you’ll also note a lot of these things aren’t concrete goals that are easily measurable (ex: Dean wants to learn to bake pie. In chapter 1 he starts a fire in the kitchen. By the end of the story he finally makes A Good Pie.) part of the lack of concrete milestones was why I felt it was important to tell Dean (and Cas’) story by going back to the point they meet, in s4! Dean’s gradual change towards his feelings for Cas, his relationship to Sam (heavily influenced by the s7 events of this fic) and then his own relationship with himself were such slow burns that I felt it would be a disservice to try and cram a change like that into a timeline like “1 year”.

I felt like these subtle changes and adjustments actually felt a lot truer to life-- people often change in very small, gradual ways over time, even without realizing it and often times not consistently! If only we could all gain skills like the sims, where we can easily level up and remain at that high level of performance! 

So the Guy Who Ate Satan, A Celestial Nuke that Developed Sentience, and Dean walk into a bar…

Sam’s story in Spn The Show has always been a ‘chosen one’ kind of narrative. Sam is living with one foot in the realm of the monsters, and I wanted to bring that back full force! It really makes sense for him that he should only continue to grow in power, might, and magic!! As the story progresses.

Cas also got a power up! I do desperately love in the show that he was kind of a grunt/nothing angel, and so even when he defected to TFW he was a huge help for them, but in the scale of things he was an annoying fly to most other angels. It really worked for the underdog story of s4/5. In this I wanted to give him a power up, and originally it was actually going to be close contact with Sam that eventually changed Cas into something unknown (you can still see traces of this in ch34 of TBAM, where Death remarks ‘Castiel could be [Sam’s] first creation’. But for a combo of reasons: how Sam’s magic needed to have intent, the entire concept of free will and consent, and how much I wanted Dean and Cas to have their effect on each other, I decided to go with the route that Cas has actually always been something angel-adjacent rather than becoming something new. TFW/Supernatural has always been about free will and making your own story, so I amplified that with Cas.

Dean has always been A Normal Guy, which is part of the appeal of him and Sam (2 normal dudes!) taking on the Very Not Normal. As explained above, Sam’s story is ‘normal guy finds out he’s the chosen one’ and so, in a story about very large concepts and huge monsters and acts of magic, I felt it was very important to keep Dean as normal as possible. To the point it became a running gag to me, personally, in that ‘no matter what cool shit happens around him, Dean has to stay as Just A Guy’. And it’s a very humanizing role that allows the story to have the scale it does!

What were the most important themes in your story?

Sam’s Autonomy

I wasn’t even going to include the plot about Lucifer’s death in this story— that was going to come up in a later story, actually! And rather than Sam having ate Lucifer, the original idea was that they’d become a SamandLucifer entity (this harkens back to a concept I wanted to write when Swan Song first aired). 

That storyline would have involved a lot of mental ‘Sam and Lucifer discuss what it means to live, which one of them is more worthy of life and if they do deserve to destroy the world for the pain they’ve been forced to go through, just to create the dichotomy of good and evil for everyone else’ discussions. There would be a lot of talk about how Sam hates and fears Lucifer for the pain Lucifer put on Sam, how Lucifer hates Sam because he and Sam are the same but Sam’s brother loves him anyways, etc. 

Ultimately that was scrapped because Sam’s entire story in the show is always about how the world and everyone around him manipulates him and that he never actually gets to make choices about his own life or body that aren’t influenced or part of someone elses’ design. And that always bothered me that Sam was never allowed to be himself without having to be ashamed of it, and I wanted to make sure that Sam’s triumph of being proud of himself/proudly choosing to exist (again) was evident in his story

In the end I needed Sam to have this visceral win over his tormentor. As the story shows, in this case Lucifer was abused and put into a position where he was incapable of empathy and could only express himself in violence. Sam even understands this! But it doesn’t change the fact that Lucifer tortured Sam in unimaginable ways for thousands of years. 

With that in mind I didn’t like the idea of Lucifer and Sam having “co-ownership” of their new identity, so I made the choice that Sam had to be the survivor. This tied in well with Sam’s new crusade to restore free will to the universe, because he’s breaking the narrative of his own story!

While Castiel wasn’t a pov character, his own autonomy and free will was equally as important. You’ll note that many, many paragraphs and conversations revolved around that theme and that in the end Cas followed himself (and love!) which ensured his freedom of self <3

The Brothers are WEIRD PEOPLE!!!! And Codependent to a Worrying Degree, but It’s Also How They Survive

It’s very hard to show “unusual” relationships when you’re writing from the pov of the two people who don’t think there’s anything weird about their relationship. Sure, they say ‘yeah it’s probably weird that we still share a bed’ but that’s kinda more in line with ‘I had a nightmare and I want to be close to the person who makes me feel safe’. Hashtag normalize co-sleeping when you need it!!!

From there I did try to point out how the boys have a weird perception of lifestyle in the little things they did. 

From thrifting everything from clothes to appliances to books (thrifting is a valid lifestyle! It’s incredibly handy when you’re on a budget.) 

To never actually having condiments or knowing how to use a dishwasher cause they’ve lived in a car, a motel room, or squatted in old houses their whole life.

I tried to have them wear each others’ clothes or casually swap things as much as possible. They live out of each others’ pockets!

Also the brothers are just weird people!! It’s hard to show from their pov, cause they don’t know how far off from normal they are, but like…

Everything about Sam and Amelia was NOT right like holy shit those two were wilding in their grief. They are very lucky things worked out for them and that they got to be hashtag Weird Girls together

Dean explicitly, in the story, gets horny after killing stuff!! Violence has done a number on his psyche and he’s gotten some wires crossed that maybe shouldn’t have been, or maybe could be worked out in a safe space but… uh… how likely do we think Dean is gonna go find a safe space to deal with any of his shit???

LOVE!!! Love is truly what this whole story is all about

If you’ve read the stories, you know how much emphasis I put on love. Love is the strongest force in the Spn Universe! It’s what averted the apocalypse and saved the world (Swan Song), it’s what created free will (Cas’ entire arc!) I love love!!!!

I went out of my way to not put any definitions on platonic love vs romantic love because I think love is love is love and how you express that is the difference. Neither is more powerful than the other because LOVE is powerful!! Sam and Cas are the most important people in Dean’s life and he loves them equally! He shows this by giving Cas kisses and stealing Sam’s socks.

It’s a personal pet peeve of mine when I have to hear explanations like ‘I love you, like a brother’ or ‘I love you, but like, as a friend because I’m a lesbian and you’re a man’ etc etc in media. If you have to continuously define how your characters love each other, then I don’t think you’re doing a good job of portraying their relationship. So you’ll see that I never put those parameters in any conversation. Dean DOES muse that he loves Cas differently than he loves Sam or Bobby, specifically because there is a romantic and sexual tone that his feelings for Cas takes, but not because he loves Cas more or less than he loves Sam or Bobby.

Which means, if you haven’t realized it yet, the Series + Fic Titles are meant to be a complete sentence because the power of love IS the thesis of this series:

The Love It Takes To Exist Again (Sam’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Become a Man (Dean’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Destroy a Man (TBA)

And now for fun stuff. Behind the scenes!!

What’s Something People Probably Don’t Know?

The demonic fungal/hydrothermal vent growth on Sam’s arm was thrown in literally as I was posting the chapter because I had just finished a 48 hour cram session of writing a report on tube worms for an ecology class (I was chanting my tube worm song as I wrote it) and it ended up being a HUGE hit with both readers and myself. But it was so last minute I had trouble fitting it in more throughout the rest of Sam’s story!

Cas’ orders? That may or may not have bound him to Dean and removed his free will? Were written into Sam’s story and I went ‘oh SHIT that’s compelling’ and then left them there as a ‘guess I’ll figure that out when I get to Dean’s story lol’

Originally Dean and Cas were supposed to get together after having their souls bonded, and have been in a UST limbo the entire time before that. Mostly because I think the entire concept of ‘we just got married of the soul I guess we should try dating?’ is very funny. CLEARLY the two of them were way more eager to fall in love than I anticipated (thank you Cas for your honesty) but you can still see shades of this original idea here and there (especially in ch35 of TBAM)

I never intended Dean and Benny to connect so well!! Benny was going to reunite with Andrea, she was going to live, and they were going to go off into the world and leave the story. And, uh, here we are. I’m still debating if I need to adjust the relationship tag or not haha. Polyamory is fun, especially when I was planning for Sam to be the polyamorous brother...

Speaking of, I can’t believe I forgot about Sam and his sexuality! If I rewrote TEA I would have had Sam contemplate more on his lack of sexual appetite due to trauma, up until he meets Benny and he gets to rediscover how he wants to be a sexual person

Many of Sam and Dean’s absolutely stupid sibling conversations were lifted near-verbatim from conversations I’ve had with my siblings

And lastly...

Dem where’s Kevin????????????? Where is our sweet baby boy????????

He’s SAFE!! He’s in the Hunter pipeline somewhere cause Sam handed him off to Bobby’s people. He and his mom are safe and at some point they probably got rib sigils like SalmonDean did against angels, but for demons. I didn’t have room in this story for him!!! But my baby boy is SAFE and I want to get him back to university because it’s WHAT HE DESERVES!!!!

To that point: god there were/are SO many characters that I just didn’t include in the story so far because I didn’t feel comfortable including them without stalling the story for them. To that point: pretty much everyone who is alive/dead in s8 is that way in this story, except Bobby who gets to live.

[Check Out Part 2 for reader questions!]