#why during September?
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I feel so suicidal.
#why during September?#girlblogging#female hysteria#manic pixie dream girl#female rage#female manipulator#hell is a teenage girl#girl interrupted#coquette#lana del rey#girlhood
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this art personal study essay is gonna eat me alive
#this is why i dont wanna be an artist#i make art and i cant explain it bro#i just created it because i wanted to create it and i sometimes use some symbolism to make a meaning#i dont even really know what the heck have i been making for the last two years and now i gotta try and explain it#and give informed personal views#i am only struggling because i did this to myself tbh#i procrastinated the essay and now i gotta have a draft done by literally in like 2 days#I HAD SINCE SEPTEMBER#i just hate it and literally my mind went blank everytime i tried to work on it before#now i have tmr and Monday for it plus i have another exam tl study plus prepare for the art exam!!!!!!!!#mocks at least.#why did i have to give up during a levels and not gcses or smth#rumaiq rambles#vent#lowkey
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I am more upset at how much i still hate drawing than i thought id be
#its like okayy can you wrap up this depression already. my parents saw me having a few good days when i was on side quests#and probably think ill be 'back to normal' by september#but it's just as i predicted during the semester it's always as i predict. once i break down i will never be able to do art again#i dont know why i trusted what they all said that with meds and therapy this could change
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We rlly don’t need another majima game 😭 please give other characters a chance he already had the spotlight in 0😔
lord if i speak on goro majima.
#snap chats#my last nerve was seeing him front and center on that Three Legends shirt with daigo and saejima im SICK OF HIM#what do you MEAN the Sixth Chairman is backseating majima. like thats his retainer PUT DAIGO UP FRONT#it aint even bias its gen just like. why is the sixth chairman not treated the most important. thats The Chairman of the whole shit#EX chairman whatever we know what i mean#'snap its just a shirt' and these are just my balls alright its all the little things that are like Dawg Cmon#i woulda got the shirt cause it looks like somethign youd get from claires and thats hilarious However ... im annoying.#ill say this then play y0 and be like Ah..... i love you...#fr tho im sick of him GO AWAY YOU ARE NOT THAT GUY#im that meme of spiderman holding back the train and the trains saying mean things about majima#this ire is only brought by rggtwt mates insisting majima needs any more content. like at all.#they gave majima a y0 statue but as far as i can see kiryu doesnt have one like What.#ik i say id skip y0 kiryu if i could during replays and its never that serious but still .... the hell...#my brother in christ majima does not need any more why are you acting starved#i get it hes your fave but my god. goku this trains heavier than i thought i cant do it#ive had beef with rggtwt ever since they tried to say majima was more important to kiryu than haruka. like brb eating a cactus#rgg making gaiden was the worst thing they couldve done cause now everyone wont stop mentioning charas getting a gaiden game#MAJIMA OF ALL OF THEM DOES NOT NEED ONE MFER THATS WHAT Y0 WAS FOR. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT#THEY GAVE HIM AN EXTRA STORY IN YK2 ALSO LIKE RGG IS DOING THE MOST FOR A SIDE CHARACTER#anyway this is why im happy saejima and akiyama are getting figures. ESPECIALLY AKIYAMA#I FEEL LIKE WE NEVER SEE SHIT OF THAT GUY and saejima. tbh. but still ... akiyama esp just feels left out#big hope other charas start to get more love. like my daughter haruka ok rgg plesae drop one of her idol statues thank you#on a lighter note september is almost upon us which means two things#1.) i have to move back to school at the end of the month 2.) rgg news is soon .....#SOOO curious as to what's on the horizon .. maybe ill stream it for the first time in nine thousand years#ok bye im gonna eat cereal <- diced spam and rice
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Me with any related School thing:
#sml#how I feel with school#i fucking hate this#i failed at my croatian part of the exams and now I have to go back there#or I can write a complaint on something I would rather just not happen#I did pass the other 2 exams though#but the other one?#nope#I fucking hate school so fucking much#why the absolute fuck do I have to do this fucking much over something as this#I fucking hate this so much#now I have to do this AGAIN during September#Fucking hell#rant#vent#rant post#I am obviously joking with the gun part but now I am tired as hell
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i was going through that doc's version history and i remembered the first fan production i did because i used it's doc as a base template. hyacinth rtc i still love you
#this was from like late september to early october i'm being very dramatic rn#during the bumpers they used a puppet theater and i legitimately don't remember why i made that decision#like if the choir didn't have a talking role during it whatever was being said was acted out by puppets#i still think it's fun#🎠
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When your bday is on 9/11
#i posted myself partying for my birthday on Instagram saying its a good day then I had americans in my comments omgg#they were like 'read the room...' 'why are you partying during this day?' and 'classless. on 9/11!!'#the internet is global baby - im in an entirely different time zone. in fact. im a day ahead of usa 😭#9/11#september 11#september#birthday#bday
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maybe i should just get a vape
#but 1. it’s silly#2. the disposables make sm trash#3. if i get a proper one i’m afraid i’ll develop a proper nicotine addiction#the last one is not that likely tho like i made it through hs without one somehow and we could smoke an entire pack each during parties#and it’d save me money in the long term#but vaping is lameeeee i just need a cig i think#can’t wait for the wedding in september my parents will be drunk and i’ll be chainsmoking with brides younger sister#actually. what if she brings weed……. it’s not impossible#and also everyone will be drunk why should being high be worse#i need to find someone who seels weed and who (preferably) will let me fuck them instead of paying#but howwwww#📓
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Sebastian Vettel would've won in Singapore with this year's aston martin
#im writing this post in September 10th a week ahead of the race and scheduling it to be posted after the race ends because. idek why i just#want to make this post during a fitting context lol#sebastian vettel#f1
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I want to strangle this DJ for playing Reckless Love at an 80s party (not 80s inspired or glam in general, whole ass actual 80s along with ZZ Top, Cinderella etc)
#like hell yeah great that you're playing reckless love but i hope you get stoned by the elders who were actually around in the 80s#and can name every obscure band whose tapes they own and will immediately call you out for mistaking a song for released in the early 90s#i'm not actually at the bar btw i just saw the posts on their stories but dude please this is basic knowledge in your field#whatever i'm currently hunting for concerts somewhere near me so i can avoid my ex workplace unless one of them explicitly invites me#i bought tickets for tailgunner in selb without even knowing how exactly i'll get there and back lmao but it's in september so still time#i planned to stay at a hotel for the night because the car ride is hell even during the day and i'll probably only get out after midnight#but they're all so expensive or another half an hour away or in fucking czechia which i don't wanna deal with in the middle of the night#because i'd cross the border and if there's Stuff and i just want to Sleep after a long night uhhh not this time#if i wouldn't leave my sister by herself and the guys weren't driving a completely different route to their next show the following day#i would probably ask them for a ride tbh lol at this point i have no shame when it comes to flirting with bands#since i was asked to hop in the touring van by a swedish band i had just met half an hour ago why shouldn't it work with them too?#anyway i'm in desperate need of gig announcements but just like last year my depression's gotta last a bit longer until march at least 💔#mel talks
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might start posting my monthly playlists at the end/start of each month. here’s september :)
#i dunno why i’m posting thissss but i don’t know why i post anything anymore lol#mainly songs i kept on loop during the month of september.#or songs i discovered during the month of. september. !!!#i’m crafting one for october.idk i like sharing music it won’t be like. a big thing like with the solo music links anyway yeah who’s even#reading thiss#anyways. here. bares my soul to the internet or whatever#my text#Spotify
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youtube
#9/11#september 11#september 11th#i remember my classmate who was sobbing because his mother was there when it happened#and he and his family had not received any news from her or about her during that time period#i do not recall if he received any positive news or not#we were not close friends so I never felt it was my place to ask#but his broken voice as he relayed what little he knew about the situation still haunts me#i know there are those who have varying opinions about this day and why we remember it#for me it is not a day I will forget for a long long time#Youtube#naudet brothers#9/11 firefighter documentary
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Kazumi-san’s birthday is on September 4th. Please do send him your well wishes.
#kazumi speaks: don’t you just love getting sick during the weekend of your birthday 😭#kazumi speaks: anyways this is why I’ve been having spotty replies and putting everything in my queue#kazumi speaks: I’ll try to reply more once I get better!!#birthday#September 4#kazumi speaks: I’m tired as heck so I’m sleeping now
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fuck this shit i'm NOT working this summer
#the initial plan was to work august september#but it turned out i'll be going to vienna at the beginning of september so i was planning to work for almost the whole august instead#so i messaged a buddy of mine who's been already working in a few shops#to ask which ones would be most eagar to hire me for a month#he didn't tell me and instead went 'lmao only for a month?' and it somehow pissed me off so much#i don't need money at the moment because i have a shit ton of savings so i was planning to work mostly so i wouldn't sit bored at home#but everyone around me seems to think that all people my age should definitely work for the whole summer#that at this age that's how ot should be because adults should work instead of staying at home for weeks#well fuck you all the same thing was going on when i said i wouldn't make a diving license ans that's why im already considered a#disappointment to society#i was grinding the schoolwork like crazy this year and ended up with maxed grades from the majority of the subject meaning i will most#definitely get a scholarship that is like 500-800zl a month for a year#which is FAR MORE than I'd make working in some clothes store for 2 months#i was working so hard at school i believe i deserve a break during holidays because guess what? IM TIRED#and a perspective of resigning from a trip with friends to tire myself more at work isn't amusing to me#'but your cousin didn't go on a vacation and is working this summer'#well during the schoolyear she and her girlfriend were making cosplays amd visiting places (good for them) so she's probably not as fed up#with everything and doesn't mind working because she doesn't feel that much of a need for a break#but i do and im so damn mad at everyone who tells me otherwise#fuck off i already worked my ass off for last 9 months to get that damn scholarship so these holidays im resting#next two semesters i'll tone down om schoolwork and getting 5s only and then work during summer but not this year#AGHH i hate it here
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ALSO sry im so talkative today idk whats gotten IN to me but anyways. its sooo crazy 2 me that ppl have other birthdays that arent the sake day as my birthday like obviously i know ppl do but its crazy to me. bc january 13th is like My birthday ykwim. like its such a good day to have a birthday on so beautiful 1/13/2005 gods specialest girl was born ykwim.
#also the cafe is plsying so much lana del rey im rly scared guys. ive never listened to ldr outside of nightcore when i was 11#but ya i loooove having a january birthday bc it makes it so easy to figure out how old i was during an event. bc its like. ok unless the#event happened in the first 12 days of the year i can just subtract 5 from the year it happened and thats how old i was. ykwim. like 2007 i#was 2 rhe entire year basicslly 2012 i was 7 the entire year its awesome#whereas if i had a september birthday. Like some people (my sibling). itd be a wholee production like ok was it before or after the end of#september. which is isnt rly that difficult but i have trouble remembering what specific month a thing happened in#but i can remember seasons. which again like ig isnt the difficult bc if it happened in wjnter etc. spring etc. summer etc. but if it#happened in fall id probably be confused..#basically january is the best month of the year and the most beautiful girls are born then#a fun fact is i wasnt born on friday the 13th. i was born on a thursday#BUT my 1st birthday was friday and so was myyy 16th i think. idr. but yeah sometimes its on a friday which is cool :]#and another fun fact is it was a sunny day but (according to my dad) there was a random lightning strike like. right when i was born. so#basically i think im rly rly quite special. joke. i think that lightning strike was god saying Lord well hold on. why would god he saying#lord. thats kinda funny. thats like if i went Connor i am going to put this guy in situations. which tbf i do refer to myself in 3rd person#mentally On occasion. but anyways. sry i distracted mysekf and forgot what i was gonna say. its tly funny to imagine god just being like#Lord almighty.#speaking of idk if you guys know this abt me but i say lord almighty and jesus christ and good lord etc so much. and i didnt always i like#started saying them a year or so ago and now i cant stop. i wasnt even raised religious im not religious in the slightest . but my first#reaction to things now is Lord almighty... like girl you do not even know him.#anyways thats all. sry
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Man.......Car Seat Headrest, right?
#listening to deadlines (hostile) + deadlines (thoughtful) back to back on a loop is making me feel some sort of way#I don't really know how to describe it eloquently (?) enough but it's very bittersweet and it has some elements of home#like the feeling i got during late september nights back in my hometown walking home drunk and full of hazy feelings#I'm about to say some extremely banale shit but: it really clicks because i can tell this time of my life is very joyful#and like full of excitement and learning and not many heavy responsibilities and it's slipping by VERY fast#and it's also a revolving door of people that I'll get to know briefly before they move on and away so that's bittersweet too#and then there's the pain of feeling my old friendships fading a little bit too while I'm here having fun#i want to tell them but I'm also embarrassed to do so ......and why would i be? idk#but i am#so yeah i guess these songs and this album in particular fits veey well cause I'm stuck in between two lives and theyre both good#but obviously I can't have em both. i like this new one a lot but it's also hard and i also miss much of my old one but I don't want it back#.....on a more trivial note the way she looks at me cleaves me open and i want to gnaw this crush off of me#like a fox stuck in a bear trap might do its crushed leg#yeah that's it
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