#why don’t we all come together and ship pb&j

[ohyoufool]

🤭

[thisiswhatshefelt]

For Olivia | Chapter Three

Author’s Note: We’re still in fluffy territory right now, but things pick up in the next part. I’m having so much fun writing this! Hey, look at me. Writing fluff. Who would have thought? Not me. Characters: Chef Coco Cruz & Black OC

Chapter Summary: Coco and Olivia officially meet for the first time. Previous Chapter: Two

Chapter Three On Park Sundays, Olivia’s always the first one to stir in the apartment. There’s an initial panic just as Shanice remembers what’s supposed to happen on this particular Sunday, but the feeling subsides to an undercurrent as she’s getting Olivia ready. Shanice takes her time in the closet, carefully considering her wardrobe this morning. She opts for a fitted tee and jeans instead of her usual hoodie and hat combo.

She catches her reflection in the mirror and slows her movements, suddenly finding this extra work is ridiculous for someone who may not even show. The anxiety begins to creep up again, slinking into the room.

What if she hates him? Shanice thinks. Or worse, what if she loves him and then he abandons her?

She doesn’t dwell on these thoughts for very long because Olivia is pulling her out the door soon after finishing breakfast. Shanice is still chewing a piece of toast when they get onto the highway.

They’re only at the playground for half an hour and Olivia’s disheveled clothing already looks like she’s halfway through finishing a decathlon. Shanice is watching Olivia go down the slide when she receives a text from Coco, signaling that he’s five minutes away. She beckons to Olivia, and she reluctantly trudges over.

“I don’t wanna leave yet,” Olivia begins to whine in protest.

“No, no, we’re not leaving,” Shanice shakes her head. “Remember I’ve been telling you that mommy’s friend from the other night might come to the park?”

Olivia shrugs, longingly gazing over at the rush of kids now heading to the wooden pirate ship. “The man that bringed the pizza?”

“He didn’t bring–” Shanice shakes the thought out of her head. “Yes, him. He’s coming over here to say hello.”

“How come?”

“Well, you know, he really likes the park, so when I told him we were going to be here, he asked to join us,” Shanice explains in logic that only makes sense to a child. “All you have to do is say hello and remember your manners. That’s it.”

Olivia waits impatiently, fidgeting back and forth on her feet. Shanice is thankful when she finally catches a glimpse of Coco rising from a car in the parking lot. She lifts Olivia and sets the child on her hip as Coco closes the distance between himself and the girls.

“Glad you made it,” Shanice greets him with a smile, and she’s genuinely relieved he’s kept this first promise. “Olivia, can you say hi to Johnny for me?”

Olivia shrinks at the attention, as she usually does with strangers. “Hi,” she says, turning into Shanice’s shoulder.

Coco’s lips part into a crescent, but he can only suck in a quick, soundless breath. His mouth wordlessly falters before smiling and giving way to simple yet weighted beginnings. “It’s nice to meet you, Olivia. You can call me Coco if you want.”

“Kay,” Olivia’s voice comes out no more than a breath as she lays her head on Shanice’s shoulder and pulls a few of Shanice’s shoulder-length twists over her eyes. Olivia curls in closer, attempting to disappear against the woman.

“It’s alright,” Shanice whispers back, giving a small squeeze. It’s alright, it’s alright. “Do you want to go back?”

Olivia nods slowly and Shanice lets her slink back to the ground.

“Where I can see you!” Shanice calls out to the small, retreating figure before stepping off to the side with some of the other parents. Coco sidesteps to follow her lead.

“Sorry.” Shanice can’t help but apologize. “Olivia’s just really shy around people.”

“Not your fault I’m a stranger,” Coco says. “Maybe I should’ve brought her a gift or something-”

“She doesn’t need gifts,” Shanice shakes her head, holding up her hand to stop him mid-sentence. “Just a little time, if you’re willing to give her yours. She’s a completely different kid when she’s comfortable.”

Coco’s sheepish gaze lands on Olivia and it follows her as she chases another girl over to the ship’s nautical wheel. Without taking his eyes off the children, he starts speaking. “I got another daughter, you know. That hostess at the restaurant?” He turns to Shanice, and she nods to both acknowledge and encourage. “My mom pretty much raised her as my sister until she was twelve. That’s when we let her know, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so pissed. Got her a laptop and a new phone, thinking it would make her happy. She set them both behind my car one day, so I rolled right over them when I was backing out.”

Shanice suddenly snorts and Coco looks at her strangely at the outburst. She cups her mouth with both hands, but it does little to stifle her growing laughter. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting you to say all that.”

“I didn’t even mean to unload that family drama on you,” Coco chuckles, watching her laughter settle. His face contorts into an incredulous half-grin. “Don’t know why I even told you that.”

Shanice understands what he means. Their first two meetings they share are tense, but she allows herself to be nicer today until she’s given a reason not to be. As they speak, this moment is oddly comfortable. Like meeting an old friend…under the strangest circumstances.

“I haven’t been a teacher very long,” Shanice begins, composing herself, “But I’ve learned that teenagers are some of the most vindictive people in the world. Exceptional grudge-holders. It’s pretty impressive, actually.”

Coco smiles as he nods, thoughts briefly somewhere else. “Yeah, Letty’s good at that.”

“Couldn’t help but notice she wasn’t in school,” Shanice leads, trying not to seem like she’s being judgmental or prying, but she is pretty nosy.

“We’re in the middle of moving her into my place. I gotta get her registered for school and all that, so my mom can go traveling Europe and shiiii…” Coco’s voice strains towards the end when he realizes he’s about to swear in the middle of the playground. “She deserves to travel and have some fun after raising Letty. But it’s about to be all on me, and I’m just…”

“Scared?” she offers, and he shrugs. “Understandable. I’m not an expert, but kids mostly just need to feel safe, be encouraged, and be able to trust you.”

“I had all that and still ended up in jail.”

“Good point,” She playfully concedes with a shrug. “Sometimes you just gotta cross your fingers and hope for the best.”

After a beat, he knits his eyebrows together as he recalls something. “Wait, where do you teach?”

“I’m an English teacher at Damon Pope.”

His eyebrows raise in surprise, “That’s where Letty starts on Monday.”

“Really?” Shanice shares a similar look of disbelief. “So, you don’t live too far away from us.”

“Right at the edge of town,” he tells her. They get quiet, leaving things unsaid. He’d been living so close to Olivia and didn’t even realize until recently. Within the same school district.

Their conversation is benign after the awkward break. They opt for small talk until Olivia runs over with wood chips sticking to her feet and her hair coming out of her puffs.

“Can we go eat?” she asks, huffing and puffing.

“You want your PB&J?” Shanice asks, reaching to fix her hair.

“PB&J and pizza!” Olivia exclaims with a smile, throwing her tiny fists in the air.

Shanice makes a disgusted face, “Pizza again?”

Coco chimes in with an idea. “How about somethin’ with less preservatives? You two could come back to the restaurant.”

Olivia’s stomach answers for them both. ________

Once at Tres Reyes, Shanice is again overwhelmed by the amazing smell coming from the kitchen. She’d been secretly craving the food since stepping foot inside the restaurant. Letty’s at the front desk and she does a double take when she sees Coco being followed in by Shanice and the little girl.

“This is Letty,” Coco tells her, tapping his hand on the podium twice to pull her attention towards him. She is unabashedly staring at the child. Her little sister. “Letty, this is Shanice and Olivia.”

Shanice and Letty share very heavy nice to meet you’s.

“Where’s jefe?” He asks with a nod.

“Next door, yelling at Chucky again,” Letty tells him, staring at Olivia.

Letty puffs out her cheeks and crosses her eyes, making Olivia giggle through her teeth against Shanice’s shoulder.

“She’s so cute,” Letty gushes, but her voice is low as she seems to be speaking only to herself.

Coco surveys the restaurant with a glance. “It’s pretty slow, you want to help me with something?”

Letty nods.

“I’m gonna bring out a few things,” Coco says as he leads them through the restaurant before landing at a booth near the service window.

Coco throws an arm over Letty’s shoulder and whispers something in her ear as they walk towards the kitchen. By the soothing look in his eyes, Shanice can tell it’s an apology. He doesn’t expect to have his two daughters meet this way, and the weight of the moment doesn’t fully register until now. They go to the back for a while and an older woman with long dark hair approaches the table.

“I’m Vicki,” the waitress greets them. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“Just a ginger ale for me, please,” Shanice says.

Vicki turns to Olivia, “And what about you, princesa?”

“Apple juice, please,” Olivia speaks slightly muffled, biting the collar of her shirt. Shanice tugs the fabric from between her teeth.

Vicki smiles, giving them both a knowing look before walking away from the table. She wonders how many people Coco has told about what’s happening. Everyone is in on this big secret except Olivia.

Coco and Letty soon walk out with three trays filled with small bowls of toppings. On a single tray was a small tortilla. They place them on the table and Letty seems to linger until the restaurant door opens. She hesitates but leaves to tend to the incoming customers.

“This is kinda like a pizza. We can put anything on it,” Coco explains, picking up the first bowl.

Shanice encourages the moment, “This all looks so good, doesn’t it, Mushroom?”

Olivia only nods, still uncomfortable about her surroundings. She settles onto her knees with her hands flat on the table as she leans closer. She scrunches her face up, squinting with one eye at something in particular. “Where’s a’sauce?”

“We’re gonna spread this on it instead,” Coco says, holding up the bowl of refried beans. He demonstrates spreading it on half the tortilla. “You wanna try?”

Shanice watches as the words spark excitement in Olivia’s eyes. What Olivia actually hears is ‘You wanna help me make a mess?’ Her favorite pastime. She takes the spoon Coco’s offers and starts spreading the beans on the rest of the tortilla.

“Good, now you can put anything you want on it,” Coco tells her, pushing a bowl of shredded cheese towards her.

She dips her little fingers in the bowl and starts sprinkling it all over the pizza, but it mostly gets on the table. She takes some of the cheese from the table in the other hand and stuffs it in her mouth.

“Hey!” Shanice says, briefly tickling both Olivia’s sides, eliciting a loud laugh. She involuntarily brings her arms down to shield her sides. “Don’t eat all the ingredients!” Olivia just eats more, laughing louder.

Coco gets a playful look on his face before taking a small piece of diced tomato. He throws the piece in the air and catches it in his mouth. Olivia is astonished, immediately tries to do the same with the cheese, but it ends up all around her like confetti. Some lands in her hair, but Olivia only laughs again.

“Boy…” Shanice slowly sets her gaze on Coco, giving him a comically blank stare.

Olivia has a diced tomato in her hand aimed like a baseball. She throws the tomato at Coco and he expertly catches it in his mouth. Before Shanice can say anything else, Olivia throws a handful of cheese at her, expecting Shanice to also catch it in her mouth, but it catches her off guard. Cheese falls on her chest and soldiers.

“Sorry,” Olivia sings, but she doesn’t look sorry at all. She’s smiling from ear to ear, stuffing more cheese in her mouth.

Coco lets out a laugh as Shanice eats the cheese from her shirt. In that moment, Shanice can see what Mel found attractive about him four years ago. She notices the dimple in his cheek deepening every time he smiles.

“Love that you taught her that,” Shanice says with playful sarcasm, as she picks cheese out of her hair. “Alright, let’s finish so we can eat the, uh…”

“It’s called a tlayuda,” Coco finishes.

“A yuda?” Olivia questions.

Coco smirks at her pronunciation “Yeah, it’s almost like a pizza.”

“Kay,” Olivia says, focusing on putting more toppings on the tlayuda.

A few moments later, Letty returns with a much neater version of the dish. Her mouth waters at the strips of steak, cheese, and fresh avocado loaded onto the tortilla.

“Sit with us?” Shanice suggests. Letty doesn’t hesitate, sliding next to Coco and bumping him in the process. Coco dramatically crashes into the booth’s half wall, eliciting another giggle from Olivia. Slowly, the little girl Shanice is familiar with begins to emerge.

“Hi, Olivia,” Letty greets her again. She’s trying to make eye contact with a preoccupied Olivia, as if she’s trying to get the attention of the cool kid at school. “I’m Letty.”

“Hi,” Olivia croaks out between haphazard bites of the tlayuda she’s made. She greets Letty out of reflex and immediately looks up when she realizes three sets of eyes are on her. Olivia suddenly plops down on Shanice’s lap, pushing the back of her head against her chest.

“So Letty,” Shanice begins, wrapping her arm across Olivia. “We’re going to be seeing a lot more of each other. I teach over at Damon Pope.”

“Forreal?” Letty asks slyly as she takes out her waitress pen and pad from her apron. She wets the pen with the tip of her tongue. “And which class is that again?”

Shanice lets out a small laugh when Coco’s eyebrows furrow suspiciously. “Why you wanna know?”

“I’m just assuming it wouldn’t hurt to know the teacher personally.”

“I teach English, but I’m kind of known for being a tough grader.”

“Ooh, then forget it,” Letty says, putting her pen and pad down on the table. Coco tsked.

Shanice can’t help but laugh, “Mr. Kochiss teaches British Lit, and I’ve heard a lot of students say that his class has a more…relaxed grading policy,” Shanice says, choosing her words correctly. “But you seem to be a very intelligent girl. If you want a class that’s a little more challenging, I teach Lit Comp. It’s an AP class, but if you’re serious, I’m sure we can work something out.”

“AP?” Letty’s eyebrows raise playfully. “So is that Kochiss with a K or a C?”

“Leticia,” Coco says, his voice coming out as more of a groan.

“Oh, what? I can’t joke now?” Letty asks innocently.

Shanice laughs into her first bite of tlayuda. She has to lean awkwardly over the table because Olivia is still parked on her lap with no intention of moving.

Shanice lets out an unexpected moan when she tastes the food. “This is so good.” She doesn’t realize the way she sounds until she looks up to find Coco’s half-lidded eyes on her. It’s just a flash, but it feels like an eternity when their eyes meet across the table. He quickly averts his eyes down to the table as he taps a song with his fingers.

“When will you…” Letty starts, oblivious to the previous interaction. It pulls Coco’s and Shanice’s attention back. “When are you going to, you know…tell her?”

Shanice loudly clears her throat. “Uh, not for a while. We all still need to get to know each other better. Get comfortable.”

“About that,” Coco interjects. “I was thinkin’ next time we could meet up at the beach.”

Olivia perks up again just then.

“We don’t say eachbay or oolpay or any large bodies of aterway around this one.” Shanice practically hisses the words as she pushes them through her teeth.

“Can we go to the eachbay today? Pleeeease?” Olivia begs.

Shanice threw her hands up in defeat. “Great, now I can’t even say it in pig Latin.”

Coco speaks up, “You know what would be better than going to the beach for just a little while today?”

“What?” Olivia surprisingly doesn’t shy away.

“Staying for the whole day on Saturday. If that’s okay with Shanice, of course.”

Olivia turns around so that she’s kneeling on Shanice’s thighs. The little girl takes Shanice by the face to whisper with wide eyes. “Can we go to the beach on Saddurday?”

Shanice whispers back, mirroring her animated expression. “Yes. As long as you’re good.” Olivia starts leaving greasy kisses all over Shanice’s forehead. “Alright, alright!” she says at full volume now. “Girl, you’re gonna take off my eyebrows.”

“And I could come too, maybe?” Letty asks as Olivia sits back down. For a moment, she’s just a little girl asking to tag along.

“Aye, you gotta be good too,” Coco teases.

Somewhere along the conversation Olivia falls asleep against Shanice’s chest. She looks down at the little girl and is thankful the day doesn’t turn out to be the disaster she’d imagined.

[wlntrsldler]

No Clue (Bucky Barnes Imagine)

PROMPT: Y/N and Bucky hate each other. Nobody knows why. Whenever someone asks, the pair just say, “I have my reasons.” Some think that something happened between them when Bucky was in hiding. Some think that Bucky did something to Y/N when he was the Winter Soldier. Some think that there’s no actual reason- they simply hate each other.

MASTERLIST

-

There was an ongoing bet in the Tower. What was the real reason as to why you and Bucky hate each other? The problem is, nobody really knew exactly why you two did. It was like an unspoken truth that you both kept to yourselves and promised to take to the grave. The only thing people knew about you two was that you knew each other before you both joined the team. But of course, everyone on the team had their own experience with Bucky and yourself, individually, more so terrible and potentially life-threatening experiences over a pleasant ones. 

“Can you not fight in front of the food?” Nat rolled her eyes, taking another spoonful of cereal to her mouth. “Your energy is upsetting me.”

“It’s not my fault Barnes doesn’t know how to say excuse me.”

“Who the fuck stops in the middle of the hallway?” Bucky hissed. “Like seriously? Who walks then just stops?”

“Who the fuck doesn’t look at where they’re going?”

“Again, your energy is upsetting me.” Nat said again, this time her tone harsher. “Stop bickering.”

“He started it.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“Did no-”

“I give up.”Nat stood up, taking her bowl of cereal with her to her own room. 

Bucky stared at you from across the table, his eyes burning holes through your skull. His nostrils were flared and you could see exactly where the coffee stain hit his white shirt. “So you’re not even gonna apologize for spilling coffee on me?”

You didn’t mean to make him spill his coffee. He ran into you, not the other way around. “I didn’t do shit to you, Barnes.”

“You spilled my coffee on me!” He exclaimed, waving his arms up and down to emphasize the stained state of his shirt. “And it was hot too. It burned me.”

“That sucks.”

Bucky sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. “You’re such a bitch, Y/N.”

“Thanks.”

He shook his head one more time before picking up his half-empty coffee mug and walking out of the dining room. You giggled under your breath, loving the way you were able to piss him off with the smallest things. He was so fun to mess with.

You can’t lie. Sometimes you purposely did things just to piss him off. What can you say? It was funny. Bucky always reacted so dramatically whenever you were involved and it was more fun pushing his buttons than doing the paperwork you were meant to be doing. You had a way of getting under his skin. You were the only one that had that effect on him so naturally, you took advantage of it. 

Bucky’s skin got irritated by this one brand of dryer sheets. He’d break out in small patches of rashes and he would always end up having to go get medical ointment to calm his skin down. Bucky was shy as is, so him, a 100+ year old super-soldier, chunky and built, having to make himself as small as possible to go unnoticed to buy some ointment was the highlight of your long, long days as an Avenger. So of course, whenever you did the shopping, you made sure to pick up that exact brand just to make him take that humiliating trip.

He also hated Strawberry jam, stating that it was too sweet for his tastebuds. You’d joke about how he probably had diabetes because of his old age- to which he would reply with his own witty comment. Just to spite him, you always picked up Strawberry jam, even if you were a Grape jam lover yourself. He would curse you, irritated that he wasn’t able to have his PB&J sandwiches because of your practical joke. The man was attached to the snack, it was borderline unhealthy. 

But, as fate has it, he was also the only one who had that effect on you, too. Just as much as you bothered him, he bothered you. He would purposely embarrass you in front of important people and find ways to make your life just that bit harder so he could have the final laugh. 

You were the only one in the team who drank almond milk, not being able to stand the taste of regular cow milk, so whenever Steve went grocery shopping, he always made sure to buy you a carton for yourself. And low and behold, you would drag yourself out of bed at around 11AM to make yourself some breakfast and you’d find Bucky in the middle of the kitchen, a smirk on his stupid face while he drinks out of the carton of your almond milk. 

You’d start yelling at him, calling him an asshole, a dick, and just about every name in the book. Steve would come rushing in, worried at all the commotion just to walk away disappointed because you and Bucky would be arguing again. Steve would just slide you a $5 bill to buy yourself another carton of milk, just for the same thing to happen the next day. 

You and Bucky had a special relationship, indeed. And only the two of you understood it.

- 

“Sam,” You laughed, wiping the sweat off your forehead. “Give it up. I’m not telling you.”

“Come on, Y/N,” He whined, trailing behind you as you walked out of the training room. “I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

“I am not telling you why I hate Bucky.”

This was a phrase you grew to memorize. It seemed like everyday someone from the team would practically beg you to tell them exactly why you hated Bucky. You were sure that they also bothered Bucky with their annoyances after they bombarded you. Thankfully, Bucky was smart enough, shocking to you, to not tell them a thing either. The team was frustrated at your stubbornness, wanting nothing else but to know what lies behind the mutual hate and absolute resentment for one another. 

You bid Sam a farewell and walked to your room, ready to take a shower. You looked down at your bruised knee from a mission for one second, not realizing someone was in the middle of the hallway to your room. You looked up to apologize but your sympathetic smile quickly turned into a scowl when you realized who it was. Bucky. “Get out of my way.”

“It’s not fun when you’re on the other side, huh?” Bucky smirked, referring to your encounter in the morning. “Now imagine getting burned by scalding coffee with that too.”

“Did you seriously wait in the hallway just for me to bump into you?” You tried to shove past him. His hard chest made that difficult. His feet were planted on the ground he stood on, not showing any signs of leaving any time soon. “You don’t have anything better to do?”

“I just wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine.”

“Fuck off.”

“I actually had something to tell you, if you would just shut your pretty little mouth for one second and let me talk.” You could practically feel his smugness. It was dripping off his voice like sweet, poisonous honey. “We have that mission together tomorrow. Or did you forget?”

“I’m a professional, Barnes. I don’t forget.” You replied, you took a sip from your water bottle, nearly moaning at the refreshing feeling of the cold drink. “I don’t get why they choose to pair us up knowing we don’t like each other.”

He finally moved out of the way, leaning against the wall to let you pass. “They know we work well together.” 

That was true.

Despite the way you two were at each other’s throats all the time, no pair could ever accomplish a mission as efficiently and flawlessly as you and Bucky. You shrugged before walking away from him, disappearing into the dark hallway, but not before you raised a finger up in the air for him to see. 

And yes, it was that finger.

Bucky chuckled when he saw you raise your hand to flip him off. You were truly something. He was about to retreat to his own room for the night when Sam saw him, running towards him excitedly. Oh, great, Bucky thought, here we go again. 

“Buck nasty,” Sam started, cocking an eyebrow. “Will today be the day when you finally tell me the history between you and Y/N?”

“Not a chance, Wilson.”

“What the hell is wrong with the two of you?” Sam groaned, punching Bucky’s metal arm in absolute annoyance. “For two people who hate each other, you two seem to have a mutual trust pumping through your veins. You remain loyal to each other over the rest of the team.”

“What can I say? Me and Y/N are an unusual pair.”

“You two are the devil’s incarnates.”

Bucky just laughed at the comment, silently agreeing. There was something devilish about the way the two of you kept your secret between just the two of you. There was a rush, like you were in on a secret that would blow the team’s minds. Quite frankly, if they knew why the two of you despised each other, they would be shocked. Or maybe they wouldn’t. Sometimes Bucky thought that the reason was so obvious, basic even, but other times he laughed silently at the reactions the team might have upon finding out. Such a shame that he’ll never know if they’ll actually respond as he imagined because the team would never find out about the truth.

-

“Okay, now that they’re off on a mission, any updates?” Tony asked, looking around the room. 

It became a tradition in the tower to hold these meetings whenever you and Bucky were off to a mission. The team did their own individual research about your past lives and reported back to the team before you two got back home. Sure, maybe, it was a bit overboard for them to basically hold a town-hall meeting just to find out information that they truly had no business even looking into, but what were they meant to do? You and Bucky both had hard exteriors that nobody could ever crack. 

Even Steve, Bucky’s oldest pal, was left in the dark by his best friend. Every time Steve brought you up, Bucky would just get up and walk away. Even when they were in potentially dangerous situations, midst missions and all. 

There was a time when Bucky and Steve went to Russia to capture a HYDRA agent. They hid behind a shipping container for a few minutes to get some protection before running back into the field of gunfire. Steve thought that there was no way Bucky could avoid answering the question now. But he was mistaken.

“So Buck,” Steve started, checking the surroundings to make sure they were safe for the time being. “What’s the story between you and Y/N?”

Steve stared at Bucky long enough to see the brunette roll his eyes. Steve heard some shuffling behind him so he turned to look, only to find nothing. When he turned around to face Bucky, he had already emerged from behind the shipping container into the open space, blocking bullets with his arm. 

Steve sighed, “If you didn’t wanna answer, you could’ve just said that, Buck.”

Because of that story, the team understood just what great lengths the both of you would go through just to avoid answering the question. So since neither of you would ever give them the time of day, they had to do their own research.

“Nada for me,” Nat groaned, throwing a stack of papers that lead to a dead-end onto the coffee table. “It was like Y/N was a ghost story, just like the Winter Soldier.”

“Okay, whatever they’re hiding might just be the cause of the possible end of the world because this is just ridiculous.” Sam stated, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Why are they so adamant about not telling us why they hate each other?”

“Who knows?” Wanda chipped in, shrugging and returning her attention back to her phone. She was one of the few who completely gave up on trying to figure things out, following Steve. She accepted defeat, realizing that the two assassins simply did not like each other. It never bothered her personally so she let it go. “Why are we still trying to figure this out? It’s been months. I say we give it a rest.”

“I agree.” Steve replied, nodding towards Wanda’s direction. “It’s their business, guys.”

-

You leaned back on the back seat, chest rising up and down, a bead of sweat rolling off your temple. You shifted your leg to get more comfortable in the small space in the car. You looked over your shoulder to look at him, a smirk displayed on his face as his breathing mimicked yours. 

“You good?” You asked, giggling after catching your breath. 

“Perfect,” Bucky nodded, reaching over your waist to pull you closer to his body. “Always so good with you.”

You playfully shoved him off, starting to clean yourself up. You would never admit it to him but you always loved to relish these short, yet sweet, moments that you two shared. Your shirt was on the floor, next to his pants and your hair was in disarray. The windows were fogged and the car smelled distinctly of sex and fresh pine, the car freshener that Bucky picked up in the liquor store on the way home, knowing what will happen next as it always happened after every mission. You looked out the tinted window seeing the outline of the Avengers tower. “How long do you think it will take for them to finally realize we’re fucking?”

You felt him shrug behind your skin. “Who knows? I thought we’d only have to keep this up for a few weeks but it’s been a few months now and they still have no idea.”

“Some Avengers they are.”

Bucky laughed at your comment, leaning over to leave a quick peck on your lips. “Agreed.”

[the-lincyclopedia]

* adapted from @librajiminn on twitter

A fun game to celebrate 2020 ending! The rules are simple: recommend your favorite OMGCP fics so everyone can enjoy them, while trying to fill in enough slots to get a bingo!

This is going to get long, so I’ll put it under a cut. Also, I’m too orderly to try to shoehorn my favorite fics into these particular prompts, so I’m just going to go right to left, top to bottom, taking the prompts literally, until it’s bedtime. 

1. first fic you bookmarked: “Here Comes the Sun” by @doggernaut, 19k, G, no warnings, Zimbits

For the past month, the man with the baby and the sad blue eyes has been stopping in for a cup of coffee an hour before closing. He always sits in an overstuffed chair in the corner and drinks his coffee while his baby sleeps next to him in the stroller. Sometimes he pulls a book out from the diaper bag he carries with him; other times he just stares straight ahead as if in a daze. He never asks for a refill, always respectfully gathers his things and leaves ten minutes before the shop officially closes. Eric desperately wants to ask him what his story is. 

My notes: I read Check Please over the course of two days in June of 2019. On the second day, right after catching up, I looked at @peppermintfeminist‘s AO3 bookmarks and found a fic by @doggernaut. Then I read just about everything @doggernaut had ever posted. It was glorious. This fic in particular is so cute. 

2. most recent fic you bookmarked: “Flight Check” by @edgarallanrose, 15k, E, no warnings (though there is a creepy/handsy guy at a club to watch out for), primarily Zimbits with most of the other popular pairings in the background

Flight attendant Eric “Bitty” Bittle has been working his way up at Samwell Airlines for the past four years, and his new promotion has provided him the opportunity to work with a brand-new crew. Unfortunately for Bitty, that crew includes an incredibly handsome but equally grumpy pilot, Captain Jack Zimmermann, who seems to want nothing to do with Bitty. Even worse, Jack refuses to eat any of Bitty's baked goods. Will Bitty be able to win the captain over? Or is there another reason Jack has been avoiding Bitty?

My notes: There are a lot of great things about this fic--Jack’s character arc, Lardo’s dialogue, that scene in Seattle--but the reason I bookmarked it is the scene where Bitty’s basically slut-shaming himself and Jack gently but firmly tells Bitty not to do that and that it was the creep’s fault. 

3. a fic that made you cry actual tears: “a little bit more” by @ivecarvedawoodenheart, 14k, T, no warnings, Holsom

“I just wanted,” he says, “a perfect day. With you. Because it’s our last day together and our last day being here as undergrads and we’re kissing the ice tonight, and the weather’s supposed to be beautiful, and you’re moving tomorrow and Holtzy I just — I don’t want to be missing you already.” Holster wipes his eyes before he even realizes he’s crying. Behind him, Ransom sighs. “One more day where everything’s the same,” he says, feeling around blindly for Rans’ fingers. He feels Rans nod as he laces their fingers together. “Yeah. Yeah, Rans. I’d like that a lot.” __________________________

Holsom after graduation and throughout the subsequent six months after Holster signs to an expansion team in Oregon, and realizes his feelings for Ransom too late. Holster's POV :) kinda angsty, but there's a happy ending :)

Inspired by shitty-check-please-aus: "Holster moves to Oregon while Ransom stays on the east coast. The time difference makes it difficult to talk and one day they wake up and realize they aren’t best bros anymore."

My notes: I almost never cry at fics. I searched “tears” in my fandom email account and only a handful of my fic comments came up, but Syd is a literal master of Holsom angst, always. 

4. longest fic you’ve read: “Like Real People Do” by @xiaq, 153k, M, No Warnings, Kent Parson x OC

Parson gestures with his spoon toward Hawke. “So am I allowed to ask about the service dog or is that not PC?”

“My medical history is more of a 3rd date conversation," Eli says.

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“Because. No one sticks around afterward and I like to live in glorious denial for a short period beforehand.”

It comes out more self-deprecating than he intended.

Parson looks…thoughtful. “Well, does this count as one or two?

“Pardon?”

“This. Ice cream. I mean, technically it’s a second location, but still the same night. So is this one date or two?”

“One,” Eli says firmly. “If it’s happening within the same three-hour period.”

“You’re the expert,” Parson says, which, he’s really, really, not, but ok.

“So still two dates to go then?” Parson continues.

“I—what?”

“We’ve got a roadie coming up but then we’re home for almost two weeks. When does your semester start?”

“You want to do this again?” Eli asks.

Parson stops idly twirling his spoon.

“You don’t?”

He does, Eli realizes. He really does. Because apparently he actually likes Kent fucking Parson.

My notes: Okay, this fic has my whole entire heart. I’ve read it multiple times in its entirety, and it’s almost twice as long as the full-length novel I’m querying. Eli is one of my favorite OCs I’ve ever seen in a fic (probably tied with Damian Navarro and Ari Paxton, both brainchildren of @fozmeadows). Anyway, this is probably going to be the next thing @themeaningoflifeischeese and I read out loud to each other. 

5. a fic you almost didn’t read: “when all else fails (i’ll still be right here)” by @whoacanada, 6k, T, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings (and I don’t remember if I think there’s stuff to warn for, sorry), Zimbits

The National Hockey League is resurrecting the Quebec City Nordiques, and the expansion draft hits the Falconers much harder than expected.

My notes: Given that this was for @omgcpheartbreakfest, I was worried this would be all angst--all hurt and no comfort. Which made me sad, because I love @whoacanada‘s writing but I wasn’t up for reading unresolved angst. But @doggernaut reblogged the fic, so I asked if the ending was sad, and it’s NOT! There is quite a bit of angst but the ending isn’t sad. 

6. a fic that convinced you on a ship you didn’t ship before: “it drops with the gravity of rain” by @geniusorinsanity, 16k, T, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings (attempted sexual assault by an OC), Nurseydex

It happens like this:

“I don’t--this is a bad idea,” Dex says, his lips still tingling, his hands shaking on Nursey’s hips where he’s shoved him away. “This is a really bad idea, Nurse. I can’t--We can’t do this.”

And there’s hurt in Nursey’s eyes and his bottom lip is swollen from Dex’s teeth, but he says, “Okay.” And then, “It’s chill, Dex. Just friends, then.”

It happens like this:

“Actually,” Nursey says, talking more to his granola than to them, “I kind of have a date.”

It happens like this:

When Nursey calls, Dex almost doesn’t pick up the phone.

My notes: So I was really confused and a little disturbed when I first found out people shipped Nursey and Dex. Like, Dex just wasn’t someone I trusted. But then I was moving out of the house I’d been living in, and I needed stuff to listen to as I packed and cleaned, and @khashanakalashtar‘s podfics came in clutch. I gave this one a try even though I didn’t like Dex, and @geniusorinsanity blew. My. Mind.

7. a fic from an unusual POV: “Excuse Me While I Kiss This Guy” by @porcupine-girl, 8k, G, no warnings, Zimbits

Jesse Snowden knows all the best restaurants and gourmet food shops in Providence, so when Jack Zimmermann starts bringing in incredible baked goods, he's eager to find out where the new bakery is. When he meets the man behind the pies, he decides that there's no way Jack could really appreciate this guy's talent the way he does, even if they are friends. He starts hiring Jack's chef on the side, in the hopes that maybe once Bitty's done with college he'll come work for Jesse.

Good thing there is absolutely no way whatsoever that Jesse could possibly be misinterpreting this situation.

My notes: Oh my gosh this is so funny. The secondhand embarrassment factor is huge, but like, the hilarity. 

8. a comfort fic: “Don’t Need to Compromise” by @khashanakalashtar, 11k, E, no warnings, PB&J

“Hey,” said Kent, unknowingly setting off a chain of events that would change his entire life, “you said that like you know from experience. Have you done this before?”

Jack and Bitty have not done polyamory before, but they do know Ransom and Holster’s polycule, which contains March.

And March?

March is trans.

My notes: I’m in love with @khashanakalashtar‘s entire Directionverse series (and honestly a lot of their other writing), but “Don’t Need to Compromise,” which is the second fic in the series, just makes my heart swell especially much. The gender feels are so good, and all the characters are so good to each other, and when I listen to this on walks I have to actively try not to arm-flap. 

9. a fic you wish could be a movie: “Ice Crew Please!” by @petals42, 61k, T, no warnings, Zimbits

Jack Zimmermann was drafted first by the Providence Falconers when he was eighteen years old. He is good at hockey. Very good. His team won the Cup his second year and now, in his third year, they are looking good. Jack should be on top of the world. And some days, he manages to convince himself he is.

He’s not, of course.

Enter the Ice Crew.

AKA: The Ice Crew AU

My notes: This fic has its tender moments, but what I love most about it is the sheer goofiness. Ransom and Holster and Shitty are HILARIOUS in this one. I’d love to see their shenanigans in movie form. 

10. a WIP you read as it was updated: “Something Borrowed” by @fozmeadows, 48k, M, no warnings, Kent x OC

All things considered, Ari did his best to prepare himself for the advent of Kent Parson, Potentially Difficult Housemate and New Star Liney. The problem was that his best was an idiot.

My notes: So technically I didn’t start reading this until the first 19 chapters were posted. But there was still plenty of anticipation for the final few chapters. And like, @fozmeadows (as mentioned above) makes EXCELLENT OCs. And I love how their fics consistently convey that having bad things happen to you does not mark the end of your story. 

Okay, it’s bedtime, so have 10 excellent fics. I got bingo twice, because I went straight across on the top two rows.

[schrijverr]

'Till Death Do Us Part

Part 6 out of 13

When Alex has to bring Philip to work, he and Thomas discover that they both have something in common: they lost their love. They form an unexpected bond and connection about this that grows into something more.

A medium burn with parental feelings about Philip and flowers.

On AO3.

Ships: Jamilton

Warnings: brief mention of trauma in regards to water.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 6: Garden Daisy Means ‘I Share Your Sentiments’

Alex and Philip played in the park the next day. He pushed Philip on the swings, they tossed a ball back and forth, making Alex feel very stereotypical, so he taught Philip how to make flower crowns from the little daisies in the grass.

Philip was especially excited about making the daisy chains, telling Alex animatedly about making one at school tomorrow: “Yeah, Theo loves flowers, so I’ll make her one, because she is my bestest friend.”

“I’m sure, she’ll appreciate that,” Alex smiled.

“Are you going to make one for Mr. Thomas?” Philip asked.

Alex shook his head: “Probably not, buddy. I don’t think Thomas is much of a flower crown person, but it’s a sweet thought of you.”

“Why?”

“What? I’m going to need more context than that, Pip.”

“Why doesn’t Mr. Thomas want a flower crown?” Philip asked, looking heartbroken about it as he then also asked, “Is a flower crown not a fun gift for your bestest friends?”

“No, no, Pip, it’s a wonderful gift for Theo tomorrow, but are Theo and Thomas really the same?” he tried to do damage control.

Philip thought about it, then said: “No, but they both think my art is the coolest and they like hearing about dinos and Uncle Laf said Mr. Thomas really liked the flowers you gave him and that he was adorable over them, so he must like the flowers. Don’t you think, so Papa?”

“Uncle Laf said what?” Alex was unable to help himself, immediately backtracking, not wanting to involve his kid in that, “Never mind, not important. You make some really good points, Pip,” he had to acknowledge that, but he wasn’t giving Thomas a flower crown.

“I do?” Pip sounded excited about it.

“Yes, you do,” building up self esteem was good, “But Papa is probably not going to do that, because there are no flowers around the office and they will wilt if I make it now,” he wasn’t going to make Philip sad, so hopefully that would be enough.

Philip hummed thoughtfully, then shook off the entire thing: “I suppose you’re right.”

They went home soon after, eating dinner, before Alex read Philip a bedtime story. When Philip had drifted off, he gave him a kiss on the forehead: “Sleep tight, Pip. You’re going places.”

In return Philip snuggled closer into his pillow with a soft sigh. Alex smiled at the sleeping kid, before retreating downstairs, planning to work a bit on his essay about biphobia within the queer community.

He had written a few good paragraphs when his phone buzzed. He picked it up and smiled when he saw it was a message from Thomas: ‘Since you told me that if I wanted to pay so bad, I would have to ask you out and because I said I would, here is me formally asking if you have time next Saturday?

Alex giggled at the wording, before shooting back: ‘dork’

‘me and pip usually hang out on saturdays, but i think hercs free to babysit’

Thomas replied: ‘I was hoping to take you on a picnic, if Philip wants to come and you don’t mind, he’s more than welcome’

That was something Alex hadn’t seen coming. He would love if Thomas and Pip got along and it seemed Thomas was willing to spend time with his son, but he worried that the man had only offered out of guilt.

He took a quick screenshot and send it to Angelic, asking: ‘is this thomas being nice and awkward abt it even though he doesnt mean it?’

After a few seconds, she replied: ‘He wouldn’t lie about shit like that, now reply before he gets anxious about your silence’

‘yes, ma’am’

Alex quickly went back to the chat with Thomas and send: ‘ill ask if he wants to come, but iwould love to take you up on the invitation :D’

‘Good’

‘Talk to you tomorrow?’

‘yeah, see you then’

‘goodnight’

‘Sleep tight, Alex’

Alex sat for a moment smiling dumbly at his phone, looking forwards to tomorrow to see Thomas again as he got up to get ready for bed.

The next day, he quickly put his stuff in his office, before going to the break room, knowing that Thomas would be in soon and meet him there. It always took a few minutes, so Alex busied himself with making coffee, trying not to look at the door.

He was just taking his first sip when Thomas came in. Almost choking he managed to wave as he greeted: “Hi.”

“Hello, be careful there,” Thomas smirked, noticing Alex struggle with the coffee.

“Shove off,” Alex told him, finally swallowing the sip that had betrayed him.

“Nah, don’t wanna,” Thomas shrugged, making himself coffee, “How was your weekend? Did you get terrorized by Lafayette as well?”

“God, he got you too?” Alex asked.

“Naturally,” Thomas replied, “He was at my house first thing in the morning on Saturday, I think he had a notepad.”

“He is such an idiot,” Alex facepalmed.

“You’re telling me,” Thomas laughed.

“But no, my weekend was good,” Alex said after a pause, “I was over at Eliza’s on Saturday, she and Maria were watching Pip and on Sunday me and Pip went to the park. You?”

“Well, on Saturday I hosted Laf, unprepared, but it was alright,” he was not telling Alex he had been draped over the couch, dramatically recounting the entire night like a teenager, “Then on Sunday I read a bit,” and botheredJames about date ideas, which he did not appreciate, before bothering him about what would bea good message to send, which he also didn’t appreciate; he added mentally.

“Are you reading anything interesting?” Alex asked.

“Yeah, I’m reading Frankenstein, just a classic I never got around to,” Thomas answered.

Alex lit up and their conversation went on, discussing the want for bodily autonomy that Mary Shelley as a woman in that era must have had and how that was integrated into the book and how the story of being otheredcould be applied to other minorities today.

The rest of the week sped by like usual. Their lunches together had felt a bit odd at first like it had gained a deeper meaning after the date, but then Thomas had spilled his coffee and Alex had snorted and inhaled a few crumbs, so that had worn off quite quickly.

When Alex had asked Philip if he wanted to come with him and Thomas on a picnic the boy had been beyond excited, which made that easy for Alex.

Now was just the issue of making sure that they had a kite for Pip, the drawing of Mr. Thomas he had made and wanted to give to the man, and sunscreen on as well as a jacket with them, because the weather was mostly good, but there might be winds later on.

Thomas came to pick them up in his car, it was a bit flashy, but the normal amount of flashy for Thomas. Still Alex said: “Hi there, show off.”

“And proud of it,” Thomas just grinned back, before he could say anything more though, Philip came running out of the house, yelling: “Mr. Thomas, Mr. Thomas, do you know how to fly a kite? Will you fly it with me?”

“Wow, calm down, kiddo,” Thomas said to the kid clinging to his waist.

“Sorry, Mr. Thomas.”

“It’s okay, and you can call me Thomas if you want to, you know that, right?”

“But it’s rude to not call people Mister,” Philip frowned.

“Well, it’s okay with me, I am hereby giving you permission to call me Thomas,” Thomas told the kid gently, the whole Mr. Thomas made him feel old.

Philip nodded, then said: “Okay, Uncle Thomas. Do you know how to fly a kite?”

Okay, that was- that was an upgrade that Thomas was unsure of how to deal with, so he just ignored it: “Yeah, I know how to fly a kite. Do you have one?”

“Yes, it’s the bestest one, it gots all the colors of the rainbow on it!” the kid was clearly beyond excited about it.

“Wow, that sounds super awesome, kiddo.”

“What is also super awesome, is car safety,” Alex interrupted them, “I got Pip’s booster seat, do you mind if I put that on the backseat?”

“Of course not, need help?” Thomas answered.

“Nah, I’ve done this before,” Alex grinned.

With Philip’s booster seat firmly in place and the kid buckled in, they got into the car. Thomas holding Alex’s door open with a flourish, making Alex blush as he called him a dork.

“Not a dork, darlin’, just Southern hospitality,” Thomas winked at him, letting his accent coat his words heavily.

And with that he closed Alex’s door and got into the car, driving off in the direction of the nearby park Alex often visited with Pip.

After they arrived Alex got Philip out of the car, while Thomas grabbed Alex’s bag andan actual basket out of the back. When he noticed Alex staring with a raised brow, he shrugged: “You were cliché, so I thought why not.”

“It’s very picturesque.”

“Papa, what is pictuu- pictuu- that word?” Philip asked.

Breaking the eyecontact with Thomas, Alex explained: “Well, sometimes things look just like a picture, they’re put in on purpose to be pretty, like with a drawing. So, we call it picturesque.”

Philip hummed thoughtfully, before he said: “Okay, can I go on the swings?”

“Sure, buddy, but first we go find a spot to sit and maybe eat something, okay?” Alex said, taking Pip’s hand, holding his other out to Thomas with a raised eyebrow.

Thomas took it with a smile, leading them to a spot near the little pond in the park, where a tree provided both shade and an easy marker to find it again if Philip wandered off on his own, which Alex was grateful for.

Out of the basket came a checkered blanket, which made Alex laugh as he and Thomas struggled to lay in down in the wind. But there were also sandwiches, orange juice, brownies, fruit salad and a thermos with coffee.

“Wow, you thought of everything, didn’t you,” Alex whistled.

He got an eye crinkle smile in return as Thomas said: “I try,” before turning to Philip and asking, “What sort of sandwich do you want, kiddo? I got PB and J, ham and cheese and one with chicken and eggplant.”

“May I please have a PB and J sandwich?”

“So, polite,” Thomas commented, handing him the sandwich, “Here you go. Alex?”

“Uhm, can I have one with chicken?”

“Of course, there you are,” Thomas handed him a sandwich, before taking a chicken one as well, nodding a cheers to the others before eating it.

It wasn’t really quiet while they ate, neither Alex nor Philip had a talent for keeping their mouths shut while Thomas was comfortable enough to mix himself into the conversation, either to argue fondly with Alex or to encourage Philip to keep going.

When most of the food was gone, Philip asked: “Can I go on the swings now, Papa?”

Alex checked if the swings were in sight, they were actually quite close and since he was trying to let Pip be more independent, he nodded: “Yeah, just be sure to stay in sight and to come tell me if you’re going somewhere else, okay?”

“Okay, Papa.”

“Can you pinky promise me?” he might be trying to let Pip be more independent, but he still worried about his son.

“Pinky promise,” it was adorable how serious Philip looked while making the pinky promise.

Then Philip skipped off to the swings to play. Alex watched him closely until he got there, then a few moments more just to be sure.

“It’s incredible to see how much you love him,” the comment startled Alex for a moment and he asked: “Wha?”

“Just- you love Philip so much and you can see it every time you two interact,” Thomas explained, “It’s kinda amazing to see. You know, with a big family it wasn’t all that one on one, so seeing how much attention you give him is weird – in the best way of course.”

Alex blushed, no one really every complimented his parenting much, with the trans thing and the single parent and the busy job, most of the PTA moms looked down on him, so it was refreshing to hear: “Oh, uhm, thanks, really means a lot.”

“No problem,” Thomas smiled, “Coffee?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Alex held out his cup and watched it get filled, nodding to Thomas gratefully as he took a sip.

It was quiet for a moment, then a thought popped into Thomas’s head, making him a bit unsure and he asked: “Philip is calling me Uncle Thomas, you okay with that?”

“As long as you are. Pip’s never had a conventional family, I’m not sure he knows exactly what the word is supposed to mean, so he just calls adults he knows well that,” Alex explained, before quickly adding, “If you want him to stop, I can talk to him.”

“Oh, no, I don’t mind – honored, actually – just, you know,checking in.”

“Okay.”

Then it was quiet again. They both stared at the little playground where Philip was now playing tag with a few other kids, obviously done with swinging on the swings.

The sun was out and there were birds in the trees that were chirping, they were sitting on a checkered blanket, nearly completely leaning on one another and Alex was enamored by how picturesque this actually was, even if it had been teasing before.

He remembered Thomas complimenting his date and how relieved and excited that had made him, so he leaned more into Thomas’s side and softly said: “This is pretty amazing, thanks for asking me out again.”

Alex couldn't see it, but Thomas grinned as he replied: “Well, I am glad for inviting you, the company makes it much better.”

“How romantic,” Alex told him, trying, and failing, not to be touched by the comment.

“I try,” Thomas merely replied.

“So,” Alex looked around for something to talk about when he spotted the daisies in the grass and was reminded of his trip to the park with Pip last week, “opinions on flower crowns?”

“What?” Thomas sounded very confused.

He sat up straighter and plucked a few flowers, making a chain and holding it up: “Opinions on flower crowns?”

Thomas laughed for a second, then saw Alex’s face andexclaimed: “Oh my God, you’re being serious.”

Alex laughed too, before schooling his face into a more serious expression: “A trustworthy source told me these are very great gifts.”

“Oh, and who might that source be?” Thomas challenge.

“Well that would be my very own flesh and blood, Philip Hamilton, UncleThomas,” Alex emphasized the title teasingly.

Thomas grinned: “Oh, you should have said so, can’t argue with such an esteemed member of society.”

They both laughed again as Alex plucked more daisies and made a flower crown. It might have been a bit of a joke, but he had never known when to stop and he wasn’t going to start now, so he concentrated on braiding the flowers together while Thomas watched with an amused smile.

“Here, a pretty flower crown, for a pretty boy,” Alex said, handing Thomas the flower crown, taking much delight in how he had a front row seat to a blush blooming over Thomas’s entire face.

Mutely Thomas took the flower crown, mentally trying not to die at Alex’s face and words, which was really hard.

“Well, aren’t you going to put it on?” Alex asked, it was kinda mean to tease at this point, but he couldn't help it when Thomas looked like that.

“Ye- yeah, naturally,” Thomas managed, putting the flower crown on as he regained his bearings, “So, how do I look?” his voice was still a bit squeaky.

“Ah, just like I thought,” Alex smiled, “beautiful.”

“You can’t just say things like that, Alex,” Thomas tried to hide his face.

“Yes, yes, I can. I don’t know if you know this, but I’m kind of known for always speaking my mind and being honest. Can’t help it if it’s true.”

“I hate you.”

“I sure hope that’s not true or this is going to be awkward.”

It was a teasing reply, but both stilled for a moment, before Thomas slowly and softly said: “No, I- I didn’t mean that, you’re- you’re pretty alright.”

“Pretty alright… Hm, I’ll take it,” Alex was smirking, trying to play off the fact that his heart was beating like a marathon runner’s as relief flooded through his veins.

Thomas shoved him over and said: “You’re an idiot.”

“Now that- that I already knew,” Alex grinned, before getting up and looking back to the playground to check in on Philip.

He didn’t have to search much, because the boy was just running their way, yelling: “Papa, Papa, I slayed the dragon.”

“Wow, really buddy? That’s so cool,” Alex caught him as the kid practically tripped into his arms as he gestured wildly while recounting his epic encounter with a dragon and a witch and some fairies who were ‘the coolest, Papa, you should have seen then, they went pow pow and it was so cool.’

Then he spotted Thomas with the flower crown perched on his head and he smiled widely: “Did you give Uncle Thomas a flower crown like I said, Papa?”

“Yeah, I did, Pip. You were right, it was a great gift.”

“I have to agree, you have way better ideas than your Papa,” Thomas budded in.

Philip’s smile widened: “Really? I think so, but Papa is an adult and people always say adults know better.”

“Well, in some instances, adults have more experiences so they can make better decisions, but that doesn’t mean they’re always right,” Thomas said, “Kids can have interesting ideas too. Think of it like painting, experiences are different colors, but you don’t need every color, you can just make a more elaborate picture with more.”

Alex watched as Philip took a moment to think about it, before he nodded in understanding and saying: “So, I may not have all the colors yet, but I can make a good picture?”

“Yeah, exactly,” Thomas was grinning so broadly that Alex was going to loose his mind with how much he adored Thomas and Philip interacting and how fucking cute it was.

Suddenly Philip’s eyes lit up and he said: “Papa, I forgot to give Uncle Thomas his picture.”

“You can give it now, buddy,” Alex told him, reaching over to the bag he brought himself and digging through it.

“My what?” Thomas asked in the background.

“I made you a picture,” Philip was bouncing in place waiting for Alex to find it. When he did, he handed it to Pip, who in turn handed it to Thomas.

“It’s you,” he said, “You’re all purple, because you like purple like me and you have big hair like Uncle Laf and Uncle Herc do, though Uncle Herc’s is smaller and I gave you a book and a laptop ad then I thought planes would be cool, so I added those.”

“Wow, Philip, this is amazing,” Thomas said, “I feel like I should donate it to a museum, but something is missing for that.”

“What?” Philip’s face fell slightly.

“I need it signed, can’t have a masterpiece and forget who made it. What if you get famous? I want to be able to brag that I got an original Philip Hamilton drawing,” he dug around in his pocket and got out the purple pen he used to sign things when he was annoyed at Washington.

Philip took it excitedly, messily scrawling his name at the bottom, before handing it back: “Here, for you.”

“Truly, I’m speechless,” Thomas said, “I’m going to have to frame this.”

“You will?” Philip’s eyes were as big as plates.

“I am a man of my word and I promise,” Thomas told him, holding up a pinky. He had alreadyfigured out that promise meant the most to Philip at this age.

Philip happily interlocked their fingers, before Thomas carefully put the drawing away. Once it was gone, Philip asked: “Can we go kiting now?”

“We first have to put it together if you want to do that, so while I do that why don’t you drink some more juice,” Alex said, already pouring juice in a cup for Pip.

“Thank you, Papa,” Philip started drinking happily.

He struggled with putting the kite together, but luckily Thomas had more experience in putting together kites, citing his big family. So, they had it assembled by the time Philip had finished his juice.

Alex forced Philip to eat a brownie too. It might not be the healthiest, but he wouldn’t let Philip run around on an empty stomach if he could help it.

“I have no clue how to do this,” Alex confessed holding the kite. He had bought it on a whim in the supermarket about twoweeksago. However, he had no childhood memories to draw from on how to do this.

“Fortunately for you, I do,” Thomas said, taking the kite from him, “Here, let me take this.”

Alex gladly gave the task away and watched as Thomas gave Philip the handle of the kite and instructed him on what to do as he threw the kite into the air.

Philip whooped when it stayed up and Thomas cheered as well. Alex took out his phone and sneakily took a picture of the two, before cheering as well.

He flew the kite for half an hour before it went wrong. It was nothing big, just a sudden gust of wind that ripped the kite from Philip’s small hands and carried the kite away from them until it dropped into the water.

They looked at the kite for a second, before Philip turned to Alex with big eyes: “Papa, we have to save the kite.”

Looking at the water, Alex shuddered before he replied: “I’m sorry, Pip, but I can’t retrieve it for you. I think you’re going to have to say goodbye to the kite.”

“I can go get it, please, Papa,” there were tears gathering in Philip’s eyes.

In his mind images of Philip drowning flashed and quite harshly he said: “No!” cringing as Philip startled slightly. In a softer tone, he repeated: “No, Pip. You can’t swim, I’m not letting you in the water, because it’s dangerous and your clothes will get wet.”

“But- but the kite,” Philip argued.

“It was an accident, but we lost the kite,” Alex tried to break the news gently.

They were distracted by Thomas, who said: “I can go get the kite.”

“What?” “Will you do that, Uncle Thomas!”

“No, I can’t ask that of you,” Alex said, “You’ll ruin your clothes and it’s in the water and it might get cold later, it’s too much to ask.”

“I’ll be fine, Alex. Unlike Philip here, I can swim, so it’s fine if I fall. And this isn’t a natural pond anyway,” Thomas explained, “It’s made to trap rainwater so the neighborhood doesn’t get flooded, but because it’s in a kids park, it’s shallower. I don’t think my shorts will get wet.”

“You really don’t have to do this,” Alex pressed again, making sure that Thomas didn’t feel obligated just because Philip would be mildly upset about it.

“I know,” Thomas smiled as he sat down to toe off his shoes and socks.

Before he stepped into the water, he looked at Pip and seriously said: “Can you watch over our spot and your Papa for me while I go rescue the kite?”

Philip nodded, equally serious: “With my life.”

“Good,” Thomas chuckled, then set his first step.

He had been right about the depth of the pond and got to the kite without any difficulties. More onlookers had turned their attention to the water, but Thomas tried to ignore them as he saved the kite.

Returning to the shore he handed it to Philip, who beamed: “Thank you so somuch, Uncle Thomas.”

“No problem, kiddo, though I don’t think we can kite any more with the kite all wet,” he replied.

“That’s okay, I can still swing,” Philip said.

As the kid ran off again to play, Alex turned to Thomas: “Really, thank you, you didn’t have to do it, but thanks.”

“Did you see Philip’s smile? Worth it, really,” Thomas assured him.

Alex smiled, he didn’t think his heart could contain all the affection he had for Thomas in that moment, so he just hugged the man and gave him a peck on the cheek.

Thomas gently touched the spot Alex had kissed before smiling like he was the happiest man on earth, which only made Alex scream more internally.

They returned to their blanket and watched Philip play. After a few minutes of silence, Thomas lightly said: “So, water. Not a fan?”

“Ah, no, not really,” Alex replied, not sure on what to say.

“You don’t have to tell me, just good to keep in mind,” Thomas told him gently.

“Oh, no, it’s okay, just not something I talk about much,” Alex shrugged.

Thomas repeated: “You don’t have to tell me, really.”

“I know,” Alex assured him, “You know how I’m an immigrant, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I come from the Caribbean and uhm- You see, there was this hurricane that hit my island when I was seventeen. It’s- uh, it’s not something I’d recommend living through,” he told Thomas.

“Oh wow, I remember that being on the news,” Thomas felt like he had maneuvered himself into an awkward position. He was bad at comfort, with John he could relate, but here he was way out of his depths.

“It’s okay now, I got over it- mostly,” Alex shrugged, trying to move on, “Just don’t like water or storms that much.”

Thomas nodded, staying quiet. Instead he slung an arm over Alex’s shoulders and let the man snuggle close as he stared off in the direction Philip was in, though Thomas wasn’t sure if he was seeing much, so he kept an eye on the kid just in case.

After a moment, Alex asked: “Do you have one of those brownies left?”

“What? Huh, oh yeah. Here.”

“Thank you, these are amazing.”

“Why thank you, I made them.”

“You did?”

“You don’t have to sound so surprised.”

“I’m not,” a beat, then Alex said, “Well, I am, but it’s more pleasantly surprised than anything else. I didn’t know you baked.”

Thomas was glad for the change in topic and that the atmosphere hadn’t been ruined by his comment. So he replied: “It’s calming, repetitive and you have something nice at the end.”

“Never pegged you to be a stress baker,” Alex commented.

“According to Jemmy it’s one of my more redeeming qualities,” Thomas joked.

Alex laughed: “James is good in pinning people, I’ll take his word.”

“He thought you to be annoying and a dick, so I don’t think you wanna do that,” Thomas raised a brow at him.

“Schematics,” Alex waved his hand, “And in my defense, I was annoying back then, maybe even a bit of a dick, butI just aged like fine wine.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“I thought you were supposed to be on my side.”

“What can I say, I’m a man of many faces.”

“You’re a dork, that’s what you are.”

“Maybe so,” Thomas smirked, before looking over to the playground again. Philip was going down the slide, before running around with another kid. Thomas said: “He looks like he’s having fun.”

“Yeah, yeah, he does,” Alex agreed, snuggling closer into Thomas’s side.

Thomas planted a kiss on the top of his head and Alex was pretty sure he was one day going to melt out of affection.

Philip stopped running for a moment, to turn to them and wave excitedly. Alex waved back and so did Thomas. Alex couldn't stop the smile on his face, this was nice, so much nicer than he ever thought he was going to get after John’s death.

He send a quick look to the sky, slightly wistful, before fully draping himself over Thomas, earning a not-that-offended offended squawk that he ignored in favor of draping even more until Thomas gave in and let them both topple over.

Alex vowed that he was going to try to hold on to this for as long as possible.

I am not a parent btw, I feel like I should have stated that early, also don’t take this fic as parenting advise. I try to write Good Parent!Alex, but that doesn’t mean it will be entirely, bc, again, no experience in this field.

Btw, Philip not understanding Uncle and Auntie and being over at the other’s houses so much is a concept I love, bc it’s a very queer way to raise a kid. Sure, Alex is his primary care giver and dad and stuff, but a village raises a kid and- ugh, I love found family dynamics.

Also this is getting incredibly fluffy, I was worried this was going to be too dark for me with my other fics, but no within a few chapters the angst has made place for this. Love that for me *gay peace sign*

[blackcoffeeandblankpagess]

A random smattering of photos for a random week 

The farmers market here is insane, there is a giiiiiiant one on saturdays and a smaller (”smaller”, still bigger than most) one during the week. I rushed over earlier this week after orientation and got a whole lotta fruit and veg. Normally I only buy a thing or two at farmers markets because it’s usually just novelty extra stuff but this week the fridge was out of produce so we went hard

Used the strawberries to make these pb & j oat bars today and they are v good (especially topped with ice cream)

Speaking of ice cream- tillamook makes a custard I love (marionberry cheesecake) so the other day I decided to look up all their flavors because they are a PNW brand and I find that exciting and I saw this one and was like oOoooOo (also like 3242342 other flavors that also made me feel that way) and then when I went to the store they had literally every possible flavor even like...christmas flavors lol so here we are! get excited about the little things!

Running has felt like shit lately if we are being honest but I have been very under rested and under fueled as well lately if we are being honest and very stressed out! so! that’s how it is! really wondering the role running is going to take in this next phase of life. I can already tell I am going to be VERY pressed for time. On the one hand I can see being super into training as a stress relief and control mechanism and escape...on the other hand I can see myself finally chilling tf out after running myself into the ground all those years in undergrad and running less and doing more yoga (I’ve been really enjoying early morning yoga with the door to my deck open and the cool breeze floating in), to quote everyone’s favorite youtube yoga teacher adriene...I’m just going to ~find what feels good~ and not stress about what that looks like. I think it’s easy to look at people in different phases of life out having these epic adventures all the time and feel like why aren’t I doing that? But they are in a different phase of life! These are my academic grind years! My career building years! If it all fits then great! But if running becomes more stressful than fun some adjustments will be made! There’s so much freedom in genuinely believing that and allowing that

In happy running news- I saw this little thing of free rosemary the other day and paused and then the person who lived at the house came out and I chatted with him about his rosemary bush and moving to town etc. etc. and then I ran the 3 miles back home carrying a branch and felt like a forager (which, tbh, on a law school budget isn’t far off...) and put it on my roasted potatoes and it was great. In berkeley people would often leave fruit out with signs to take it. I love that!!!!!!!

Today my bike came in the mail and my mom had warned me 2342423 times that she took it all apart when she shipped it and basically made me think it would be an impossible task to ever rebuild it but I did it! Using nothing but common sense and like 2 google searches lol. It took a few hours and I was COVERED in grease from the chains afterwards but it was v satisfying (let’s see what happens when I actually try to ride it lol...) and I have a much better understanding of the anatomy of a bike now which tbh will prob come in handy

also my dishtowels and oven mitt came in the mail (weird flex?) but I treated myself to cute ones from anthro and they were all on mega sale which was v convenient and I love them and they make me happy

Today we had to dress ~fancy~ for zoom and this was the pic I sent jared also check out the apartment comin together

I feel very very very very overwhelmed because I have 232412412124 things to do (hoping that by september all of my random shit will be handled....there’s a lot of random shit, because school is enough of a task on its own) but I don’t feel unhappy, and I think that says a lot

Classes start monday AH. also apparently in law school you get 324923423 homework assignments BEFORE the first day of class so that’s lit

Tomorrow I am going tubing with a friend down the river which is a thing that people do here and I am proud of myself for checking another outdoorsy OR thing off my life points list because mostly I’ve been cooped up inside tending to my 1000 tasks lately

prob way more to say but we’ll leave it at that ✌🏼

[destiny-islanders]

Hmm, speaking of hurricanes, do you think Destiny Islands ever had to deal with hurricanes? I wonder how the trio reacted every year to them... (Projecting because we get them every year, and there's a chance Dorian could still swing north and go right over us. Whether it's us or South Florida, everyone stay safe!!! Good vibes!!!)

Projecting a la Destiny Islands trio is a great idea and I am here to partake!!!!!!

Riku is a SILENT WORRIER

He is outwardly very calm and almost indifferent about the storm but inside he is like,,,, okay is 24 water bottles enough for me and my mom or do I need more,,,,,

Are Sora and Kairi prepared????

Riku: Sora did you get all your supplies?

Sora: I got two days what’s the rush

Riku: SORA YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO EAT PB&J ON TORTILLAS IF YOU DON’T GO TO THE STORE SOON

During prep he’s a nervous Nancy but once everything’s ready… He’s back to his old self.

Sleeps during storms. Like the whole house can be groaning and shaking in the wind and he’ll be snoring on the couch while Kairi and Sora huddle on the floor in fear, abandoning their half-played game of Rummy

Really handy during clean-up. He’s very strong and can lift heavy branches and debris with ease. Also great with repairs, too. Sora’s mom loves him because he always offers to help after the storm has passed. :)

Sora WANTS TO RUN OUT INTO THE STORM

He has hurricane-proof patio doors so he can watch the storm from out the window. He has this,,, impulse,,, to open the door and play in the wind and rain

Sora: Wow I bet if I went outside I’d fly like a bird huh

Riku: Hahaha yeah

Sora:

Riku:

Riku: Wait you’re serious

He’s actually scared of loud thunder though so??? Sora what do you really want??

The BIGGEST whiner about the power being out. He gets hot VERY easily and will walk around in gym shorts and nothing else until the power comes back on

Absolutely the village idiot you see paddling down a flooded street in a canoe

Volunteers for relief efforts once it’s safe

Kairi THROWS THE BIGGEST AND BEST HURRICANE PARTIES

Has baked cakes decorated to look like the path of the hurricane hitting the islands and will bake more

Lives in a big house, so during certain storms, she has invited Sora, Riku, and Selphie to shelter with her.

Not quite as used to storms as island natives Sora and Riku, so she gets pretty nervous while the storm’s bearing down on them. If the house shakes she’s the first one to run into the bathroom

Yes, Sora, Riku, and Kairi have crowded in the bathtub together during storms

Mayor’s house??? Yeah, she’s losing power for maybe a second, then it’s back on the grid

For the first couple days after the storm, Sora and Riku stay home, helping their parents with clean-up and all that. And then they sleep over at Kairi’s house. For weeks, if the storm’s bad enough. Until their power comes back at their homes.

Hot food! Hot showers! AIR-CONDITIONING!!!!

Donald and Goofy DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY SORA DOESN’T JUST GUMMI SHIP OUT OF THERE

Sora: You want me to fly a spaceship in these winds??? It’d be like trying to fly in a straight line towards Monstro while he’s sneezing!!

So Donald and Goofy settle for texting Sora. Constantly. 

AN EXAMPLE TEXT:

Donald: Are you safe?

Sora: Yes

Donald: Are you safe?

Sora: Yes.

Donald: Goofy says hello. Also are you safe?

Sora: Donald. Yes. I’m safe.

Donald: (Thirty minutes later) How are you?

Sora: Safe, but I can’t text right now. I can’t find my phone. I think the hurricane blew it away :(

Donald: What were you doing with it out in the storm??? Do you have a deathwish???

Donald: Wait

[yourmandevine]

Some stuff that made me happy in 2020, in no particular order

God send you no greater loss. It’s something my grandmother said a lot — a bit of highly Irish Catholic wisdom intended to remind you, warmly but sharply, that whatever you’re currently suffering through isn’t all that bad compared to what lots of other people are dealing with. That it probably isn’t too much to complain about, in the grand scheme of things. That you should, instead, be grateful for what you’ve got, big and small and everything in between.

God sent a great many people a great many unfathomable losses this year, and as hard as it felt at times, our family wasn’t among them; we’re lucky, in the big picture. In the past, people have recommended I try writing those reasons down, to give myself a list of stuff to be thankful for, for the times it’s tough to summon up the gratitude. I figured the end of the year was as good a time as any to make that list, to highlight the stuff that helped me get through this year — the reasons big, small, and in between.

So: here goes.

Peanut butter and jelly

I haven’t counted how many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I’ve eaten since March 11, which is good, because that would be an absurd thing to do, and a sure sign that I have succumbed to a very specific kind of madness. It’s also good, though, because I would undoubtedly be ashamed by the number; the figure would be titanic, like the unsinkable ship of same name, or the iceberg that sunk it.

Or, at least, I would be ashamed under normal circumstances. This fuckin’ year required whatever flotation device you could find, and you know what I found in the fridge and cupboard? A couple of slices of bread, some strawberry jam, and some goddamn Skippy.

Need a weird mid-morning “brunch” after not having breakfast because you went right from waking up to remote school with the 6-year-old? Crank up a PB&J with that third cup of coffee. Need to pack something in the diaper bag to feed everyone while you’re out at the playground for the afternoon? Stack ‘em up, son. Need a late snack after working the overnight shift filing weird bubble playoff columns? Three letters, one ampersand, one love.

I need to eat better in 2021. But I kind of needed to eat sort of like shit to get through 2020, and time and again, when your man needed it most, PB&J was there.

Sunday night Zoom sessions with college friends

I know that most of us started something like this back in March; I’m not sure how many have stuck with it. I hope the answer is “a lot,” because honestly, knowing that I’m going to end the week by seeing a few friends — some here in Brooklyn but mostly beyond our reach for safety’s sake, some who’ve moved away — has felt like a stabilizing agent on more than a few occasions. It’s important, and no small blessing, to have people in your life who really know you, weird messy ugly bits and all, and in front of whom you can let everything go.

That gallery view’s provided a place to vent, to seethe, to laugh, to cry, and to try to find some semblance of center before heading back into another week. I’m grateful for it, and for the people in those little boxes. Except for the time they reminded me that, when I was 18, I was pretty sure I was a Pacey, and they were all extremely confident I was a Dawson. They were right, but still: a bitter pill to swallow, then and now.

Olivia calling herself “Dr. Bloody”

She took out her little toy doctor kit and just turned into a cackling villain.

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Deeply disconcerting, yes, but also adorable.

All Fantasy Everything

What got me in the door was the conceit: three very funny stand-up comedians (Ian Karmel, David Gborie, Sean Jordan), often with a very funny guest but sometimes without, pick some topic or another and engage in a fantasy draft of their favorite aspects or representations of that topic. (It is, crucially, a serpentine draft. Now what is that? That’s a great question.) Some favorite examples: Mikes; Words That You Think Make You Sound Smart, vols. 1 and 2; Things You Yell After You Dunk on Someone; Fictional Athletes; Crimes We’d Like to Commit. Yeah. It’s that kind of podcast.

What kept me around was the friendship. Listen to an episode and it becomes really clear really quickly just how much the three hosts love each other, how much fun they have being around each other and making one another laugh. The warmth radiates, just pours out of the speakers; in a year where I sorely needed some good vibes, I appreciated my regular check-ins with the Good Vibes Gang to just ... unclench for an hour and a half or so. 

Drinking beer

OK, I’ll admit: This doesn’t sound great for me. It’s true, though. I really like beer. (We brewed one in our kitchen, which I realize is something of a “bearded guy in Brooklyn” cliche, but here we are. It was exciting to complete a project, and it tasted OK-ish.) At some points this year, it didn’t feel like there wasn’t much to look forward to, and sometimes drinking some High Lifes or Narragansett tall boys — with my wife in our living room, with friends on the computer, whatever — helped take the edge off a shitty day/week/month/year. I look forward to being able to do that outside with people again.

The Good Place

I am sure some very smart cultural critics and political thinkers and social revolutionaries have forwarded compelling arguments for why this show is Bad, Actually, because that seems to be more or less true about most things, whether because said thing is Actually Bad or because the economics of the attention economy on the internet functionally necessitate the composition and publication of pretty much every position on pretty much every issue, and especially ones that present a counterargument for why you shouldn’t like the thing you like, and might be kind of a piece of shit for liking it. But I liked this half-hour comedy about the way the universe might be put together, why we should try to take better care of each other, and how doing so might be a pretty great way to take better care of ourselves.

Andrew let me write about it a little bit for a big project we did before the series finale aired, which was really nice of him. I found myself thinking about this part a lot this year:

I also thought a lot about Peeps Chili, but that happens every year.

Taking pictures of my dog

Check out this flumpy goddamn champion:

“Lugar is a good boy” is the main takeaway here. They don’t all have to be complicated.

Schitt’s Creek

I know we’re not alone in this, but we inhaled this show this year. A half-hour comedy about people being laid low, learning how to deal with who they actually are, and finding some grace and community and opportunities for growth kind of hit the spot, I guess.

One of the most wholesale enjoyable ensemble comedy casts I can remember; Catherine O’Hara was already in Cooperstown, but what she made with Moira Rose only polishes her plaque. I’ll never be able to describe with any specificity the thing Chris Elliott does, but I know it has made me laugh since I was a child too young to understand the Letterman bits or see Cabin Boy in the theater, and it’s probably going to make me laugh until I am dead.

I love that people who, for years, never got to see themselves or people like them on screen got to see David Rose on screen and maybe recognize themselves a little bit. The idea that seeing the David/Patrick relationship might make them maybe feel a little more at home, a little safer and more whole, makes me happy. Sad, about the before, but happy, about the now and the what comes next.

Past that, I just love how what was ostensibly a family-and-friends production for a Canadian channel just got absolutely everything right—the tone, the look, the sound, the theme song, the cast, the jokes, my goodness, the jokes—and before long, the rest of the world just got it. Like catching a fastball square on the barrel. Something the show clearly knew a little bit about.

Finding new outdoor places it was safe to go

Necessity is the mother of invention, and the need to give the kids a place to be that wasn’t unnecessarily dangerous but also wasn’t inside our two-bedroom apartment led us to do more exploring than we had before. Shirley Chisholm State Park is great. Canarsie Pier was a fun place to spend a Sunday morning; so’s Canarsie Playground. If we got there early enough or made our peace with some rain, the beaches at Jacob Riis Park and Fort Tilden were pretty rad this summer. I lived in Staten Island from ages 8 through 18, and during breaks throughout college, and don’t think I ever hiked in High Rock Park — that’s dumb, because it was nice!

Even if all those little excursions did was kill a little time and reduce the overall stress level of the four humans stuck in our four walls, that’s not nothing. Some days this year, it was everything.

Cobra Kai

I know I’m late here; I didn’t rush to seek it out because I don’t consider myself a huge fan of The Karate Kid, or at least not a big enough fan to sign up for YouTube’s premium service. I checked it out when it came to Netflix, though, and I honestly can’t believe how much I enjoyed this show. Give me “dumb, but with heart” every day of the week.

I believe in Miguel Diaz; I believe in Johnny Lawrence; I believe I will be firing up Season 3 next month, and perhaps drinking some Coors Banquets in its honor. (I cannot, however, believe how the “get him a body bag” thing came back around, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Closing unread tabs

I’m a serial hoarder of links, and I am bad at finishing all of them. I’ve tried to get into Pocket and Instapaper, but I’ve never been able to turn that sort of workflow — open link, save to third-party service, go back to third-party service later to read, then delete from there — into something that felt instinctual, natural, or habitual. So: lots of tabs. Like, lots of tabs.

This was a dicier proposition than usual in 2020, because cutting my work week in half to be able to more effectively coparent two kids who didn’t have school or day care for most of the year meant less time to read things.

I tried to do my best to keep up with the important stuff for work, and to read at least some stuff about how other parents were dealing with their anxiety/anger/depression/frustration at having to be on 24/7 and work, and to stay abreast of (at least some of) what was happening in the world. Sometimes, though, I would wake up and realize I’d been holding onto blog posts about Really Interesting Rotation Decisions on the 11th-Seeded Team in the East or whatever for literally nine months, and I would go against my nature and just hit the eject button on a 25-deep window, and something amazing would happen: I wouldn’t get fired for being shitty at my job. I would move on with my day, and I would feel about 10 pounds lighter.

I still keep too much stuff open. (As we speak, I’ve got three different Chrome windows open on two different laptops. I choose not to count the total tabs.) But I do so knowing that, if it gets too heavy, I can experience the momentary joy of surrendering to the inevitability that I can’t catch everything. In that moment, I feel OK with my decay.

Reading writers I wasn’t familiar with before

Two in particular stand out in my mind: Nekias Duncan, now of BasketballNews.com, who does excellent film breakdowns and statistical analysis, and Katie Heindl, who writes basketball stuff of all types all over the place, and strings sentences together in a way that scratches an itch inside my brain. I’m grateful I got more chances to read them this year, I look forward to bigger and better things for both of them, and I’m hopeful that, if things calm down and our schedules go back to something approximating normalcy, I’ll have more bandwidth to hunt out more new voices in the year ahead.

The time I ambushed my wife as she was trying to break down and put away the girls’ space tent

Pretty good.

Siobhan learning to ride a bicycle (with training wheels, but still)

The moment passed pretty quickly; Not Exactly A Mechanic over here can’t get the training wheels to reliably work right without either loosening them too much or tightening them so much that she can’t pedal it. In that first moment, though, and for as long as it lasted, it was really great to see her get excited about doing something new, big kid shit, for the first time.

She was proud. I was proud of her. And then we went to a playground for a few hours. Pretty good day.

Tyler Tynes roasting me

Tyler did some incredible work this year — The Cam Chronicles is getting deserved praise as one of 2020′s best podcasts, and his reporting on the Movement for Black Lives was exemplary. It’s hard to top this, though:

You know what the messed up part is? I was excited to tell him what I was doing, just because I knew the reaction would be so violent. Like a body rejecting a transplant. So lucky to have such a dear, dear friend.

PUP

I’m late on everything, so I didn’t start listening to PUP until the spring of 2019, but I haven’t really stopped since. This year has been too sedentary too often; this band is too kinetic to allow me to stay there.

“Bloody Mary Kate and Ashley Kate” is never more than about 20 minutes away from returning to the front of my mind. I would fucking love for it to be safe enough to watch these guys live at some point, and I am absolutely going to take Steve up on his offer.

Someone sending me a shirt based on a joke I tweeted

First:

Then:

Then:

I’m not sure you should be rewarding my behavior, SnoCoPrintShop, but I appreciate it all the same.

Which reminds me:

Family dinner/family movie night

My wife works in Manhattan and commutes back on the train, and we've tried to prioritize getting the girls to bed early since they were little, so that doesn’t leave much of a window between when she gets home and they go in the tub for us all to connect; before everything shut down, we almost never really ate together. We’re still not great about it, but for a while now we’ve carved out Saturday as family dinner night, where we sit down to eat and talk about our “up” from the day — something that happened that made us feel good or happy, or something we’re looking forward to. (We used to talk about our “down,” too, but that kind of seemed like overkill. Why try to focus on more bad shit right now, you know?)

Then we settle in for a movie, with who gets to pick rotating each week. It’s mostly been Pixar, which has been great but also has its drawbacks; after she caught me crying during one of them (maybe the Bing-Bong scene in Inside Out? or Miguel singing to Grandma Coco?), Siobhan straight up told me, “You need to get yourself together, man.” We just watched My Neighbor Totoro, too, which they loved, so we’re probably going to try some more Miyazaki soon. It’s a really simple thing, but it’s one we rarely made time for before, and it’s been really nice to manufacture something positive that we can share and look forward to together.

Sometimes looking like a shiftless drifter

No shade to anyone who felt strongly about getting a lineup or whatever, but I haven’t really felt like going to the barbershop was worth the risk, and I continue to refuse to believe that my wife can actually pull off the fade she’s long wanted to give me. (It is also possible that she just means she’s intending to run my fade, and that I will before long wind up cold-cocked and slumped by my bride of nine years.) So I’ve just kind of been growing out my hair like it was when I was single, and sometimes been letting my beard get kind of out of control too, and, well, I sort of like looking a little bit like a Wildling, it turns out.

I have since trimmed things up a little. It didn’t go over well with my youngest. Oh, well. I’ll try to do better next time.

My wife and daughter singing the Pixies

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We don’t know all the words to too many lullabies, so we sing the ones we do know the words to. This will probably come back to bite us in the years ahead. For now, though: Pretty good.

Doughboys’ Tournament of Chompions: Munch Madness: Mac Attack

I can’t believe how invested I became in Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell’s quest to determine the best menu item at McDonald’s in a 64-seed tournament that spawned hours and hours of delightfully funny audio featuring all-time home-run guests like Jon Gabrus and Nicole Byer, who gleefully feed into the often warm, sometimes antagonistic, always entertaining chemistry between the two hosts. I have also never found myself wanting to go to McDonald’s more in my entire life. I have hit the drive-thru a couple of times since, and the boys are right: The McDonald’s fountain Coke does just hit different.

Sound Only

I’ve lost track of whether or not a 38-year-old is considered a millennial, but I’m quite confident that I’m not exactly plugged into “the millennial lifestyle” as my teammates Justin Charity and Micah Peters discuss it on their podcast, which relaunched this summer. Doesn’t matter, though, because I love hearing Charity and Micah talk to each other even if I don’t know what they’re talking about.

Their conversation about Dave Chappelle was great. After listening to their Travis Scott episode, I felt like I kind of understood who he is and why he occupies the space he does in pop culture now. I had no idea how they were going to get me to give a shit about set photos from The Batman, but this they not only got me there, but wended their way toward blaming 50 Cent for needing to know who Groot is to have a conversation on the internet, which is something for which Abraham Lincoln did not die. The show is good, it's getting better, it’s fun to hear them talk their shit, and Charity’s regular bellowing of “I, TOO, AM AMERICA” has made me smile for four straight months. 

Siobhan’s letters and notes

She’s in first grade now, and she’s taken to communicating her feelings through the written word. A lot.

I won’t pretend that I loved all of these in the moment. I can only get so upset, though, when she’s already writing with such a clear voice. (And trying to use proper punctuation. (And drawing little cartoons to drive the point home.)

Palm Springs

I’m having a hard time remembering too many specifics about it right now, which probably means it’d be a good thing to rewatch over the holidays. But, as I’m sure many people noted many months before we got around to watching it, a comedy about living the same day over and over again, and about trying to figure out how to make your life mean something when everything seems meaningless, scratched a pretty particular, and particularly important, itch this year. It could’ve been twice as long, and I would’ve eaten up every second of Andy Samberg and Cristin Miloti together.

I’m pretty sure I cried, although this year, that doesn’t necessarily mean much.  Also, put Conner O’Malley in more things.

Joining our union’s bargaining committee

I won’t say too much about this, but I will say that becoming an active participant in the process of a labor union negotiating its first contract with management has been an extremely educational experience. It’s pushed me to have conversations, sometimes difficult ones, about our priorities as a staff and a company. It's helped me get closer with the other past and present members of the BC, and has led me to start developing relationships with members of our staff that I otherwise might not have had much of an opportunity to get to know.

The organizing work takes time, effort, and energy, but trying to do what I can to help take better care of my colleagues has been well worth all of that. Here’s hoping that in 2021 we can reach a deal that helps make our workplace even better, stronger, and more equitable for all of us.

Publishing a story about Stevie Nicks’ Fajita Roundup

I swear this is true: After I accepted my offer to work at The Ringer, but before I started, I told a friend that one thing I was excited about was that you had the chance to work on offbeat stuff here, in both the “kind of weird” and “not about the NBA” senses. That, I thought, might maybe open the door to me getting to write a story about a Saturday Night Live sketch I saw when I was a teenager about Stevie Nicks from Fleetwod Mac running a cheap Tex-Mex restaurant in Sedona, Arizona — a sketch that I wasn’t sure anyone else remembered, but that was stuck in my head forever.

That story ran on May 26.

A lot of people seemed to like it.

Accomplishing this goal was, as dumb as this might sound, a highlight of my year, and, honestly, a highlight of my career. I’d like to do some more stuff like this next year, time permitting; we’ll see. Whether or not I do, I got to do this. I’ll always have that.

[hellogoodbye741]

Hi.. Can you do an IronHawk? I love them together.. Maybe high school AU? Thanks

Sorry, this took so long, my writing muse has been in the john for the last two years ngl.

Hope you like it! Read it here at: Don’t Know Much Bout Biology or under the cut

DAY ONE:

“New year, new school, new me,” Clint muttered to himself over and over as he walked towards the entrance of SHIELD High. “New year, new school, new- aw fuck, I’m so screwed.”

Clint came to a stop right at the doors and looked up at the huge lettering that sat close to the top of the building. “SHIELD High School. A school of Excellence.” Hawk sighed as he rubbed his forehead. “What am I even doing here, man.”

Clint Barton was a 16-year-old circus brat who had thought his education experience would be one of 20-year-old textbooks from Texas, and teachers who did tricks for a living. But here he was, at one of the best schools in the country. All because some Vice Prinicipal saw his act, and thought he would be a great addition to their archery team.

“Ohhh I can’t do this” Hawk said as he felt panic set in. Clint wasn’t a ‘school’ person. He hadn’t even stepped into a school building in almost ten years, not since Barney had dragged him out of the orphanage one night to ran away to the circus.

Yet here he was… This wasn’t going to end well.

~

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Tony said as Jarvis parked the limo.

“I’m not sir, you know I don’t kid”

Tony groaned as he looked at the high school in front of him. “But Jarvis, I’m already waaay too smart for high school! I went to MIT for christ’s sake!”

Jarvis turned and looked over at Tony. “Master Tony, we all know about your timed at MIT. But your father insists, and so do I, that a little… socialization with children your own age would be good for you.”

“I don’t need to socialize, I have Rhodey.”

“Who just got shipped off to Afghanistan, and won’t be back for a year. Also, Rhodey is 10 years your senior and treats you like a little brother. What would be wrong with having friends your own age?”

“Nobody my age gets me Jarv.”

Jarvis sighed. “One semester is your father’s deal if you want to start working in the shop.”

Tony groaned, “One semester??? How about three weeks.”

“One semester.”

“A month.”

“Two semesters.“

“One semester it is, see you at three Jarv.”

Jarvis smiled and handed Tony a box. Tony gave it a look.

“I packed you a lunch, your favorite.”

Tony narrowed his eyes, “My favorite when who’s around.”

Jarvis winked, “Me, Anna, and Peggy.”

Tony fist-pumped, “Sweet PB&J.”

“Alright, first bell will be sounding soon. Your schedule is in your bag. Go on now. Shoo.”

Tony sighed and rolled his eyes, “Yeah okay I’m going.”

“Don’t start any fires!”

Tony waved a hand, “No promises!”

~

Clint sat in silence with the Principal and Vice-Principal, his knee bouncing harder and harder the more anxious he got.

“Don’t worry Clint,” Vice Principal Coulson said with a smile. “We’re just waiting for the other new student to arrive.”

The Principal, Fury, snorted. “Student my ass”

Coulson kept the serene smile on his face, so Clint took that as a signal to pretend like he didn’t hear what he just had.

It was another few agonizing minutes later when the door finally opened, and a small dark-headed boy entered the room. “Sorry I’m late, I got lost and didn’t want to be here.”

“That’s fine Mr. Stark, please sit down next to Clint.”

The boy grimaced, “Please call me Tony. Mr. Stark is my old man” and sat down next to Clint. The boy smiled and stuck his hand out, “Tony Stark. Pleased to meet ya”

Clint blinked, but slowly reached out and shook the other boy’s hand. “Uh, Clint… Clint Barton. Nice to meet you too”

Tony nodded and released Clint’s hand, “So we got that out of the way. Why are we here?”

VP Coulson leaned back in his seat. “Since you both are new to the school, we decided that we wanted to cover the basics of our program here before we send you out to classes.”

Tony sighed, leaned over to Clint, and whispered: “Wake me up when they’re finished, kay?”

Clint blinked again, unsure on how to respond.

“I’ll take that as a yes”

~

Clint rushed out of the office 30 minutes later, more certain of his inevitable downfall than ever. So many expectations were on his head, both academically and athletically.

“I am so screwed” He whispered to himself.

“No, I’m screwed, you’re fine.”

Clint jumped and looked back to the other new kid as he exited the office as well. “Huh?”

The kid, Tony, waved a hand. “Don’t worry about it. Lemme see your schedule”

Clint tipped his head, “Why?”

“Because if I’m forced to be here, I’d rather share some classes with people I know. Gimme” Tony made ‘gimme hands,’ and Clint reluctantly handed over his class schedule.

Tony quickly skimmed it and made a face. “Well how about. 6 out 7 classes ain’t bad. New school buddies for the win”

“You’re weird” Clint said before he could stop himself.

Tony just smiled and handed back Clint’s schedule. “I know, you’ll learn to love it. Let’s head to class”

Clint tucked the schedule into his backpack, “Is that one we have together?”

“Yep”

“What is it”

Tony turned and winked at Clint, “Chemistry.”

DAY TWO:

“So you’re the new kid?” A red-headed girl asked as Clint stood at his locker.

“Uhm... Yes? At least one of them anyway.”

The girl nodded, “Natasha.”

Clint slowly closed his locker, “Clint.... Nice to meet you?”

Natasha nodded, “You’ll eat with us at lunch. Don’t be late”

Clint opened his mouth to respond, but Natasha walked off before he could say anything.

“What”

~

Tony plopped down at the desk next to Clint’s and leaned against Clint’s shoulder. “Ughhhhh I’m so bored.”

Clint, unused to this sort of touching, awkwardly petted Tony’s hair. “Uhm... There, there.”

Tony snorted, “Thanks for trying bud. You sound like my father... I hate this place, I already know everything.”

“I’m sorry you’re smart?”

“I appreciate it. Anyway, anything new going on in your life since last period?”

“Some girl told me I’m sitting with her at lunch?”

Tony jerked up in his seat, “Red hair?”

“Yes?”

“Looks like we’re twinsies again, I’m being forced to.”

Clint nodded, “Okay so the girl collects new kids then. Cool cool cool cool”

“Are you panicking? You sound like you’re panicking”

“A little?”

“Hey it’s just lunch. Maybe we’ll make more friends and everything will be fine.”

Clint grimaced, “I don’t know how to socialize.”

Tony smiled and patted Clint’s shoulder. “I’ll do the talking, you just sit there and look cute.”

“Thank you... I think”

~

Clint was dragged into the cafeteria two hours later by Tony. “Come on, Merida! If I’m being forced to make friends my own age, so are you.”

“Did you just call me Merida?”

“Of course. You both do archery, right?”

“... I’m gonna ignore that.”

“Why are you booing me, I’m right”

Clint grimaced, “Why did I allow you to become my friend?”

“Because I’m special. Let’s go and find the scary red-haired girl”

“You found her”

Both Tony and Clint gave a small yelp as Natasha suddenly appeared behind them.

“Jesus Red, don’t do that to us”

Natasha rolled her eyes, “Come on. Our table is this way.”

Clint and Tony looked at each other, but quickly followed her to the table.

“Clint and Tony, sit down. Let me do the introductions.”

They both sat down.

Natasha smiled, “Everyone - this is Clint and Tony. The new kids”

The full group at the table waved at the pair, they waved back slowly.

“Okay first is Steve,” A muscular blonde waved. “Next is Bucky, his beau.” A muscular brunet with a permanent resting bitch gave a nod. Clint and Tony nodded back.

“Next we have Sam Wilson,” A black boy boy with shades and a goatee gave them a wave.

“Then there are the twins, Wanda and Pietro.” A boy and girl at the end of the table waved quickly before going back to their conversation.

“Okay after them we have Scott.... Scott, wake up!” Clint and Tony startled when a boy climbed out from underneath the table.

“Sup”

“Sup” Clint and Tony said quietly.

“Okay who do we have next... Ah, Little Peter. Late again”

“Sorry guys, I got stuck in the science lab because the teacher wanted me to go over this one scientific principle i brought up with him about the multiverse theory, you know the one I told you guys about? I was trying to explain in detail exactly what, oh hi new kids, exactly what-”

“Peter, peter, please take a deep breath you’re rambling.”

The younger boy, Peter, blushed. “Sorry”

“Hey kid, I love the multiverse theory. Ramble away” Tony said with a smile.

Peter’s eyes lit up.

“Uh oh, you just set yourself up for the talk of a century.” Sam said with a laugh.

“I’m game kid”

Peter grinned and began his ramble again, Tony listening diligently.

Clint tried to pay attention, but eventually tuned out from the conversation.

“Hey”

Clint blinked and looked around.

“Over here dingus”

Clint turned and spotted and black haired girl waving at him from a nearby table.

“Uh... yes?”

“Are you Clint?”

“Yeah that’s me.”

The girl smiled and stuck out her hand, “I’m Kate. Welcome to the archery team.”

Clint smiled and shook her hand, “Glad to be apart of it.... Though not sure how good my technique is, I’m self taught.”

Kate waved her hand, “Technique schmenique. If you can hit the target you’re better than the rest of the team. They all suck”

Clint laughed, “Well hopefully I’m better than suck“

“I’ll be the judge of that. See you on the green at 3!”

“See you then.”

Clint turned back around to find Tony smiling at him. “What?”

“You made a friend without being forced! Good for you Glen coco”

“I don’t understand that reference.”

“Oh dear god, you poor boy.” Tony turned and looked at the group. “Anyone wanna come help me destroy my father’s mansion and show Clint Mean Girls for the first time in the process”

The huge group all shouted positive exclamations, shocking Clint in their fervor to both destroy property and show him a movie he never knew existed.

“Okay... I guess I’m in too... But it has to be after Archery practice”

Tony waved a hand, “No problemo mi amor. I never do anything before 7 pm anyway”

Clint just sighed but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t the weirdest thing Tony had said to him in the two days they have known each other, and he knew he was gonna hear weirder at some point in the future.

DAY 10

“Tony, no”

“Tony, yes”

Clint sighed and rubbed at his forehead. “I am not pretending to be your boyfriend for funsies”

“Who said it was for funsies?”

Clint rolled his eyes and pushed at Tony’s shoulder. “Stop playing around.”

“Hahahayeahthatsmeplayingaround.” Tony said quickly, “See you in class.”

“Okay weirdo, see you then.”

DAY 20

“Soooo...”

Clint turned and looked at Kate and raised an eyebrow. “So?”

“Soooo when are you and Tony gonna go on a date?”

Clint blinked, “Huh?”

“Dude you and Tony are in love, go on a date.”

Clint rolled his eyes, “Kate you’re drinking the crazy juice. Tony and I are definitely not in love...”

Kate snorted, “Blind as a bat”

DAY 30

“Tony I swear to god if you don’t just tell him you want to date him, I will!”

Tony groaned and slammed his head down on the table. “Red you’re killing me. Don’t you think I’ve tried??? He’s an oblivious, adorable, moron!!”

Bucky patted Tony’s shoulder. “As someone who had to deal with Steve’s oblivious dumbass for 16 years, I feel. I can also help”

Tony raised his head up, “You can?”

Bucky shrugged, “Well I can try”

“That’s all I can ask for really”

DAY 40

“He really is a dumbass” Bucky said with an exasperated sigh.

“See?? I told you!” Tony practically shouted as he paced back and forth. “I have literally tried everything to get him to notice me as more than a friend.”

“There’s gotta be something, I mean Jesus”

Tony grimaced, “Is there though? Cause I can’t think of anything.”

“Maybe we can help”

Tony looked over and spotted Natasha and Clint’s friend, Kate. “You have an idea we haven’t tried?”

Kate and Natasha looked at each other and smiled. “Just leave it to us, okay?”

Day 50

Clint frowned, “But why do I have to wear the blind fold?”

“Because I said so, keep moving” Kate said with a huff as she maneuvered Clint back and forth.

“But what’s going on? You wouldn’t tell me shit”

“It’s a surprise, okay?”

“I’m not sure I like surprises”

“You’ll like this one, okay? Now shut up”

Clint huffed and continued to allow Kate to manhandle him.

“Are we there yet?” Clint asked 5 minutes later.

“Not quite, be patient you heathen.”

“Did you just call me a heathen? You uncultur-”

“Okay, we’re here! Take your blind fold off”

Clint sighed and ripped off the blindfold, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the light.”Where am I?”

“Look!”

Clint spun to where Kate was pointing, and gasped. They had walked all the way out to the archery field, and standing in a line were several targets in a line, each with a different letter on then spelled out in arrows. Clint could see the rest of their newfound crew in the background watching.

‘DATE ME’

At the end of the line was Tony with a bunch of fledglings in his hand. Clint’s head tipped to the side and he let out a little laugh. “Oh Tony”

Tony gave him a huge smiled, “Oh Tony what?”

Clint laughed, “I can’t believe what a prankster you are. Such trouble for a laugh! ‘Date me,’ I love it! And you got everyone else involved too”

Tony’s face dropped and he looked over at the crowd in astonishment. Everyone else looked shocked too.

“Oh my god, you’re an idiot” Kate whispered.

“What? What do you mean I’m an idiot.”

Kate gripped Clint by the shoulders. “Clint, this isn’t a prank. It’s real. Tony LIKES you, and wants to take you on a real date!!!”

Clint frowned, “What? That’s crazy. Tony totally thinks us as just friends.”

Kate dropped her hands, “Okay. New question... If Tony didn’t think of you as just a friend, and actually asked you on a date. What would you say?”

Clint shook  his head, “That’ll never happen.”

“Why do you think so?”

“I’m not boyfriend material. Tony knows that, that’s why he’s joking about it.”

“Why are you not boyfriend material?”

“Because I’m a hot garbage can fire and nobody can love me past those flaws?”

“Tony can you big dingus, he’s even more of a hot mess than you!!”

Clint gave her a look, “Tony hasn’t been joking?”

“No!!!”

“He really wants to date me?”

“Yes!”

“Like legit?”

“YES” Everyone shouted, including Tony.

Clint turned and gave Tony a sheepish look. “Uhm... sorry?”

Tony sighed, “Apology accepted... and?”

“And?”

“AND YES OR NO LEGOLAS”

“Oh, yeah. I would love to go on a date”

Tony gave a loud whoop and ran towards Clint. “FINALLY! HE SAID YES!!”

Clint blushed as all of their friends began to cheer in the background.

“Was I really that much of an idiot?” Clint asked when Tony got closer.

“Even more than you know” Tony said with a smile before jerking forward and planting on kiss on Clint’s lips.

Clint let out a muted ‘oof,’ but gladly kissed Tony back.

The kiss lasted a good minute before Tony pulled back. “Best. Semester. Ever”

Clint laughed and pulled Tony back in for another kiss.

DAY 75

Clint’s leg bounced as he waited outside the principal’s office. He had been waiting for almost an hour, and he was getting more nervous by the second.

Finally, the door opened.

Clint jumped to his feet and rushed towards Tony. “So????”

Tony smiled, “I’m staying.”

Clint let out a loud whoop and jumped into Tony’s arms. Tony laughed and hugged Clint back, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Wow, it’s like you like me or something.”

“Well who wouldn’t like a boyfriend like you, hmm?”

Tony just shook his head. “Come on, we’re gonna be late for class.”

“What class?”

“Chemistry”

[granger-witch]

Avengers Endgame thoughts: spoilers ahead read at your own risk

PLEASE DON'T RUIN ENDGAME FOR YOURSELF BY READING THIS IF YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE MOVIE. IN CASE YOU READ SPOILERS BUT DON'T WANT TO KNOW A PERSON'S VIEW ON THE MOVIE PLEASE DON'T READ. IF YOU'RE ALRIGHT WITH THE PAINFUL SPOILERS AND EVERYTHING OKAY I'M NOT STOPPING YOU BUT I WARNED YOU...

Romanogers Endgame Thoughts Part 1

First of all, let’s take a trip down memory lane. In the first Avengers movie, they had very little major interactions. Hell, I don’t think Nat was supposed to be with Steve in the first place. The movie screamed Cintasha due to the whole Loki ordeal, but Steve and Natasha’s chemistry was present due to Evansson (who at that time had 10 years worth of chemistry). So even if the first movie was possibly introducing us to Clintasha, Romanogers definitely had chemistry (*cough* HEART EYES SCENE *cough*).

Skip to two years later, we were given CA:TWS (I may be a Romanogers shipper, but I can proudly say that that wasn't the reason as to why I loved TWS, but I'm not gonna talk about how amazing that movie was). TWS laid the groundwork for Romanogers (whether it be friendship or romantic). I honestly didn’t admit to shipping them till Nat kissed Steve at the cemetery, because come on! THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE!!!

Moving on to AOU, I was extremely shocked by how Nat was suddenly flirting with Bruce (Brutasha is cute as a friendship though) because I genuinely thought that there was really something between Steve and Nat. However, despite Brutasha’s presence, Nat still stayed beside Steve. “Where else am I gonna get a view like this?” she told him despite offering Bruce earlier in the movie to run away. Although not addressing it fully in AOU, you can see that Nat will always choose to fight (even if she told Bruce that she didn’t want a fighter). Fighting is where her heart belongs, and apparently that’s what she and Steve have in common.

Nat has always been beside Steve. She reminded that to him in CA:CW, and she kept her promise of saving his life. Anthony Russo said so himself, “In a way, her head is with Tony’s side of things, but her heart is with Cap in a lot of ways.” This continues on throughout the franchise. 

Steve and Nat although having a few major scenes together in Endgame had very meaningful interactions. Look, before the movie was even released I have accepted that they might not happen as long as their friendship is acknowledged properly. Their first major scene was when Steve was looking intently at Peggy’s compass. At this point, I assumed Steve has moved on and is only looking at his oldest possessions for inspiration. So as mentioned, Nat never left Steve’s side AND I MEAN THIS LITERALLY. At the same scene, Natasha stood next to him telling him that their plan will work. NATASHA ROMANOFF STOOD NEXT TO STEVEN GRANT ROGERS ALL THE DAMN TIME. So when we got to five years later, well… Gosh oh golly gosh… I started having a little hope for Romanogers in my heart.

Natasha was talking to the others in the facility via hologram video call about updates and of course, finding her best friend Clint, while eating a PB&J sandwich (why did I mention what she was eating? Just wait and see). After the call, Steve comes home to the facility and yes… STEVE AND NATASHA HAVE BEEN LIVING IN THE FACILITY ALONE FOR FIVE YEARS (and you wonder why hope came upon me again). Sure, the others came, but they also went. Steve starts the scene off by asking Natasha if his FRIEND (he’s talking about her) was okay and she replied in the third person manner to him. THE SCENE WAS EXTREMELY SWEET AND DOMESTIC! What also touched me was when Steve told Natasha that he can cook for her if she asked (he noticed her sandwich), but Nat being Nat politely declined. The two talked about moving on. “We should both find ways to move on,” Steve said something like that. Nat is so selfless because she replied, “YOU FIRST.”

Little moments in the film like that tricked me into thinking they were gonna end up together BECAUSE IT REALLY SEEMED LIKE THEY WERE GONNA GET TOGETHER. From standing and sitting next to each other all the time, simple glances, direct lines or riding shotgun in the car, I felt like something was really gonna happen! But then time travel… Guess what? Before going to the past Natasha looked to her right (where Steve was standing), smirked, and said, “I’ll see you in a minute.” Steve replied WITH A SMILE and mind you STEVE WAS THE ONLY ONE IN THAT FRAME AFTER NAT SAID THAT. Suddenly, Nat doesn’t return (I STILL CAN’T ACCEPT IT). I may sound delusional but come on! You don’t just give out hints like that and have it go to nothing!

It is interesting to point out that when Bruce asked Clint where Natasha was when they returned to the present, it was Steve and Bruce who were shown in the frame (I still had a glint of hope here). On one hand, Bruce reacted violently because I believe that he still loves Natasha even if she clearly doesn’t love him or at least interested in him anymore. Steve on the other hand reacted silently (THE TRAILER SHOT OF STEVE CRYING? YES THAT WAS FOR NAT), but I still wanted more from him. Steve was suddenly out of character for the second half of the film. Do you expect me to believe that he only shed ONE TEAR for the girl who stood beside him all those years? It was just strange and out of character. I believe Steve would’ve done anything to see Natasha for one last time.

In regards to Steve returning to the past to be with Peggy, I HATE IT. I love Steggy, and it is a very good ship, but again… Steve was so out of character! He literally left his best friends in the future! Are we supposed to forget that Peggy Carter GOT TO MOVE ON with a very good man named Daniel Sousa and have kids?! Oh, and STEVE KISSED HIS FUTURE NIECE FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE! There was a Tumblr post before that said that Steve returning to Peggy shows no character development at all because his life is dedicated to fighting and because he can’t move on from the past. In TWS it seemed as if he was getting around to moving on, even in CW onwards, even when Peggy died. Where is that Steve? I couldn’t find him during the movie’s second half.

It also bothers me on how Steve chose a girl he knew for a year over people who stayed by his side and got to know longer *cough* BUCKY, SAM AND NAT *cough*. Yes, Steve might’ve lost his biggest anchor to the present day (Natasha), but I really don’t think he’d want to leave Bucky and Sam behind as well as selfishly interrupt Peggy’s life.

Romanogers deserves better than to be butchered like that. For years, I always thought they had something going on with them. When I still had hope from them at the start of the movie, I thought they had an unspoken promise of getting together or something after everything is over. LIKE COME ON? I don’t think those two don’t love each other because I truly believe they do. Friendship or romance, STEVE AND NAT LOVE EACH OTHER AND YOU CAN’T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE. Every single time they glance at each other and talk to each other, especially when Nat said the “I’ll see you in a minute” line, there was something there. All the teasing and the actors’ chemistry went to nothing. They couldn’t even at least acknowledge their friendship! 

Please don’t attack me I’m only expressing my thoughts.

[a-droppingpetals]

whispers rhys and graham for the ultimate ship meme

the ultimate ship meme // accepting.

GENERAL —

rate the ship — awful | ew | no pics pls | i’m not comfortable | alright | i like it! | got pics? | why is this not getting more attention?! | the OTP to rule all other OTPs

how long will they last? — until deah do them apart 3

how quickly did/will they fall in love? — it definitely wasn’t one of those falling in love at first sight -things but more of a slow burn kind of thing where they just took their time (bc they weren’t even supposed to fall in love in the first place!! it was supposed to be a lil bit of harmless fun but wHOOPS they fell in love!!!)

how was their first kiss? — v v messy and drunk lmao. not very cute / romantic or something that you’d want to tell your grandkids about but ... yeah lmao

WEDDING —

who proposed? — graham did for sure !!

who is the best man/men? — i think graham had one of his brothers as one of his best men & the other, like the main best man, would’ve probably been his best friend? idk about rhys tho? maybe his friends idk??

who did the most planning? — rhys for sure, graham’s already been married once and he didn’t plan a thing aND HE STILL WONT

who stressed the most? — i think rhys did?

how fancy was the ceremony? — Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

who was specifically not invited to the wedding? — i ?? am not sure if rhys would invite his parents bc we spoke about this and you said he wouldn’t want to but idk if graham would lowkey be like “but they’re ur parents and hopefully ur only gonna get married once so like.... :///”

SEX —

who is on top? — graham is omg

who is the one to instigate things? — they both do that?? but i cant say which would do it more??

how healthy is their sex life? — barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | they are humping each other on the couch right now

how kinky are they? — Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head // note: I FEEL LIKE THEY’RE VERY KINKY I AM HOLLERING

how long do they normally last? — if they have time, then they’ll really take their time with each other and stuff like that but if they’re on a time limit, say like they’re having a quickie before graham has to go back to work / ellie’s going to be home at any minute omg, then they can be quite quick too !!

do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? — for sure yes !!

how rough are they in bed? — Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

how much cuddling/snuggling do they do? — No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

CHILDREN — 

how many children will they have naturally? — OK SO I KNOW WE HAVEN’T EXACTLY DISCUSSED THIS but i also read on ur page that ur open to writing mpreg so idk if u want to do that with these two so if you do, THAT’S COOL WITH ME and i’m VERY DOWN FOR THAT and if that’s the case, then i feel like they’d have like.. one?? two would probably be pushing it?

how many children will they adopt? — but if ya dON’T WANNA go down the mpreg route, which is also fine with me bc ya home girl doesn’t MIND either way (just hmu about this and we’ll talk ok), then i feel like they’d try to adopt one?? or none?? depending on if rhys would want to raise a kid with him like from start to finish besides ellie??

who gets stuck with the most diapers? — graham would :/ :/ he’s already been on the diaper duty once before so he’d be just fine with changing the most diapers again lmao

who is the stricter parent? — neither or maybe graham would be? like just a tad more, he can be chill but he’s also a cop and he doesn’t want his kids getting into any shenanigans that they shouldn’t be getting into :/ :/

who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? — BOTH !!

who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? — rhys bc graham is hopeless when it comes to lunches (that man :/ eats nothing but :/ pb&j sandwiches :/ for lunch :/)

who is the more loved parent? — i feel like rhys would be for sure??

who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? — both?? mainly rhys though bc graham would always forget or he’d be late to them lmao.

who cried the most at graduation? — b o t h ???

who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? — GRAHAM bc he’d be probably the one busting them too ://// 

COOKING —

who does the most cooking? — rhys bc graham is lowkey hopeless in the kitchen :/

who is the most picky in their food choice? — graham will literally eat anything but idk about rhys so it’d have to be him or neither !!

who does the grocery shopping? — they do it together if possible but rhys mostly. unless rhys tells graham to go, which he will, in case rhys has forgotten to buy something or they’ve ran out of something !! 

how often do they bake desserts? — i feel like rhys bakes a lot during the holiday season?? CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG but.. #CookiesStraightFromTheOven

are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? — graham is definitely more of a meat lover and idk about rhys?? help???

who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? — rhys would surprise him with a homecooked meal and graham would just take him out for one lmao !!

who is more likely to suggest going out? — g....raham lmao

who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? — GRAHAM !!

CHORES —

who cleans the room? — rhys bc graham never ~has time~ and he’s too lazy omg

who is really against chores? — referring to my previous answer, graham lmao

who cleans up after the pets? — ok THIS is something that graham would most certainly do??

who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? — again, graham...

who stresses the most when guests are coming over? — rhys?? probably?? graham is very chill about that so i’m gonna go with rhys.

who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? — RHYS bc u bet graham’s never cleaned the couch cushions in his LIFE.

MISC —

who takes the longer showers/baths? — rhys??? graham is a v v quick showerer so!!

who takes the dog out for a walk? — graham would bc he loves dogs and he loves walking them?? or they’d just go for a walk together tbh.

how often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? — every year??? for sure.

what are their goals for the relationship? — to ?? LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER??

who is most likely to sleep till noon? — graham when he has the day off LMAO

who plays the most pranks? — rhys or neither bc graham feels like he’s way 2 old to be doing pranks lmaoo

[ostrich-on-a-rampage-blog]

Number 5 for Jack and Katherine, because I'm cheesy like that. (If you ship them, I mean.)

Okay, so jackcrutchie is definitely OTP, but I will write any ship that is sent to me. So, feel free to send me sprace, javid, anything, really. I just haven’t has as much practice with Jack/Katherine (do they have a ship name? I don’t even know; that’s how outta my league I am), so bear with me. I like how this turned out. But tell me what you guys think.

7 - Moonlight

Jack was a romantic sap. It was uncontested. You could ask anyone at Eleanor Roosevelt High. He fell in love faster than Wiesel could spring another pop quiz on his Algebra II students.

This Monday was no different. 

Race smirked when he noticed the small flowers that Jack was doodling up the side of his math notebook. Quickly glancing to ensure that Wiesel was busy trying to explain imaginary numbers–but why are they imaginary? This is math, not English!–to an outraged Romeo, Race leaned over and nudged Jack in the arm. 

The contact jerked Jack’s pencil across the page, marring the sunflower he had been sketching. “What the hell?” Jack hissed, glaring at Race. 

“Who’s the lucky gal?” Race asked, tilting his head meaningfully to the doodles. “Or guy?”

“None of your business,” Jack muttered, carefully erasing the stray lead marks around a simple daisy.

“Oh, I think it is my business,” Race argued.

“Yeah, well, I ain’t telling you.”

Race grinned cockily. “Good thing you don’t have to.” He turned around in his desk, catching Crutchie’s attention. “Hey, Crutch,” he whispered, “Jack was telling me earlier about how much he loves…” Race trailed off with a confused look on his face. “I can’t remember their name, now. Uh, was it–?” He left the question open, hoping Crutchie would fill in the blank.

And Race was not disappointed.

“Oh, Katherine?”

“Katherine Pulitzer?” Race crowed excitedly, turning back to Jack. “The principal’s daughter?”

Jack’s face reddened. “Shut up, Race.” He glared half-heartedly at Crutchie. “Come on, man,” he complained. “I said don’t tell anyone.”

Crutchie ducked his head in embarrassment. “Sorry, Jack. I thought you’d’ve told Race already.”

“Okay, fine, fine,” Jack grumbled, “but, don’t you dare tell anyone else.”

“Why? Katherine’s probably told the entire school newspaper by now.”

“She hasn’t,” Crutchie confirmed.

“How would you know?” Race challenged.

Crutchie smiled. “She doesn’t know, yet.”

“She doesn’t know?” Race asked excitedly. “Well, what are we waiting for?”

If possible, Jack’s face turned even redder. “I, uh, I have a plan.”

“Spill,” Race commanded, edging forward in his seat.

“Mr. Higgens, are you volunteering yourself to do problem number five on the board?” Wiesel’s voice rang out, effectively ending the conversation. 

Race rolled his eyes. “Trust me, I’m not volunteering for anything. If this class weren’t mandatory, I’d be outta here faster than ol’ Kingston at Sheepshead.”

Wiesel frowned. “I could send you to detention,” he warned.

Race shrugged as Wiesel maintained his I-am-the-teacher-so-I-have-the-authority-and-I’m-only-letting-you-off-this-one-time frown for the standard five seconds, before turning back to the class. Just like he always did. Race rolled his eyes once more. Wiesel was too easy to play. “Jack,” Race whispered, once Wiesel had called Skittery up to demonstrate the problem. “Jack, this conversation ain’t over. I gotta hear ‘bout all your plans.”

“So, I’m thinking a picnic dinner in the park where the moonlight shines through the tree branches,” Jack explained, once all the boys had gathered at their regular table for lunch.

Race snorted, nearly choking on his PB&J. “That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

Crutchie shoved him, before turning back to Jack. “I think it’s a great idea, Jack! Katherine will love it.”

Jack smiled nervously. “I hope so. I mean, does it seem too–”

“Over the top? Sickeningly romantic? Yes. Yes, it does,” Race confirmed.

“No, it’s a mighty fine idea. Katherine will be–” Crutchie fell silent as Katherine stepped up to there table.

“Katherine will be what?” she asked suspiciously.

The group of boys instantly became engrossed in their food. “Uh, nothing, Katherine,” Crutchie tried, smiling widely. When Katherine merely quirked an eyebrow in his direction, he stumbled forward. “W-what I meant was, we was just talking ‘bout how you’d be so surprised that, uh, that I think I’m going to try working for the newspaper next year. Maybe as a…” Crutchie trailed off, realizing that he really didn’t want to be involved with the newspaper. “Maybe as someone who brings snacks to all the meetings?” he suggested weakly.

“As nice as that sounds, I don’t believe you, Crutchie.”

Jack sighed, before blurting, “Look, Katherine, do you want to, uh, well, go on a date on Friday? With me? Um, together?”

Katherine stared at Jack for a moment, before a smile tugged her lips up. “Yeah, I’d love to, Jack. That sounds like fun. Just text me the details, okay?”

“Okay,” Jack agreed. As soon as Katherine had walked away, he collapsed forward onto the table. “She said yes!” he squeaked out, his voice muffled by the table.

“Yeah, you dimwit,” Race agreed. “Now you just gotta plan the perfect, moonlit date.”

“I can’t do this.” Jack was hyperventilating, and Race and Crutchie were attempting to calm him down. 

“You’ll be fine,” Crutchie reassured him. “It’ll be perfect.”

“It will not be perfect,” Jack shot back, running his hands through his messy hair. “Have you gone outside? It’s cloudy! Cloudy, Crutch! How can I have the perfect moonlit dinner-under-the-trees if it’s cloudy?” he demanded.

“I don’t think Katherine will care,” Race tried to point out.

“Yeah, well, I do!”

Race rolled his eyes. “Just go on your date. If you don’t leave soon you’ll be late. It’ll all work out, I promise,” Race reassured his friend.

Jack sighed shakily, knowing that there was nothing he could do now, but salvage what could have been the perfect date and somehow make it okay-ish. He smiled weakly at Race and Crutchie, before leaving to go pick up Katherine for the now moonlight-less dinner from her house. 

Which went just as awfully as Jack could have expected.

Pulitzer had been insistent that Katherine be home by ten and had spent nearly ten minutes warning Jack of the fates that have befallen many a juvenile delinquent. Finally, Katherine managed to worm her way past her father and they quickly drove to the park. 

Jack laid out a blanket for them to sit on and Katherine began unpacking the picnic basket. “I’m sorry,” Jack apologized, “that this isn’t the most romantic of dates. I had wanted there to be moonlight, but–” Jack was cut off as a bright light began shining through the branches of the trees, illuminating the blanket and its two occupants. “What?” he whispered, looking up in surprise.

Nestled far up in the tree branches were Race and Crutchie–though Jack had no idea how Race had managed to get the smaller boy up so high in the tree–giggling as they shone flashlights down on Jack and Katherine. “What are you doing?” Jack asked, more surprised than angry.

“Shh, go back to your date,” Race hissed. “Just pretend we’re the moon.”

Jack fought a grin as he turned back to Katherine. “Well, I guess I did get my wish. The perfect date with the perfect girl.”

And, when Jack leaned in to kiss Katherine, he was only mildly annoyed by the faint laughter above him. 

[coffee-at-annies]

So I was thinking about all the NHL!Bitty posts that are going around and how we all sort of assume that Chowder is going to go pro with the sharks once he graduates and who else could make it to the NHL when I just decided that fuck it, they’re all in the NHL. 

Jack is of course on the Falconers and is likely to be there the rest of his career if they can keep him.

Shitty was never going to be professional player. He might love the game but he was only third line at Samwell which isn’t quite good enough to get scouted. He plays in a local beer league and is fine with that.

Ransom and Holster though are a top line D-pairing and arguably one of the best D-pairings in all of NCAA hockey. Of course they have it in them to get scouted.

It actually happens at the same time by a couple different teams and neither of them were really thinking about playing hockey post-college but once they sit down and think about it they decide that’s what they want to do. 

They’d love to play together but unfortunately that offer isn’t on the table.

So instead Ransom goes to Toronto to play for the Maple Leafs (hometown boy makes good!)

He misses Holster a lot but manages to make a good impression and become a fan favorite.

And of course four or five seasons later Holster gets traded to the Maple Leafs and they proceed to be a terror on the blue line again and help get the Leafs to the cup.

Holster gets scouted by... I’m gonna go with the Islanders and the Bruins b/c local-ish teams and why not. He ends up going with the Bruins and moving into a crappy off-campus apartment with Shitty for that first year. 

Lardo joins them since she and Shitty are dating. 

She’s in Boston to pursue her art career but she hangs out with Holster and the rest of the Bruins rookies that she comes to attention of the front office and they end up recruiting her.

She’s strapped for cash, hates her part time job at a bookstore, and misses bossing hockey bros around so she accepts. 

Next to graduate from the main cast is Bitty.

Bitty would love to go to the Falconers and play with Jack, and they do offer for him but they’re not the only one.

See Bitty would love to play with his boyfriend, but he also has all these student loans from college and he wants to prove that he’s not just Jack Zimmermann’s boyfriend, and the Falcs are not his best offer (no need for forwards, cap space issues after winning the cup, idk why they just aren’t). 

Other ppl that give Bitty offers are the Stars (b/c lol Bitty in Texas), the Canes (b/c I think that’s where Jeff Skinner is and the only thing I know about him is he’s a former figure skater too and they’d probs be able to make use of Bitty’s skill), some other west coast team (the Kings maybe? idk a lot of the west coast teams and if Bitty would fit their style of hockey), and of course the Aces.

I’m not original enough to not send Bitty to the Aces lbr. 

Him and Kent are tense for like 2.5 seconds before Kent apologizes to Bitty about EpicKegster and then they hardcore hit it off. 

(Part of me wants to make this pb&j and ship them but I’m gonna hold off from most shipping).

(Part of me also wants to go into detail about their friendship but I don’t want to derail this post more than I already have)

Bitty and Parse light up the Western Conference on a line together and end up meeting Jack and the Falconers that year for the cup final.

Chowder of course goes to the Sharks. Like he’d go to any other team while the Sharks were a legitimate offer.

Dex follows Holster to the Bruins. He spends a couple of seasons with their AHL team before being called up and staying there. 

Nursey goes to the Rangers to be close to home and b/c he loves the city (and also because rivalries, I wanted too, and why not)

(I honestly really truly do not have enough knowledge or headcannons about Whiskey or Tango to tell you what teams they’d go to without just picking a random team out of a hat. I honestly forget they’re on the team sometimes since we’ve barely seen them since they were introduced and I’m not that great with twitter. If someone wants to place them on a team go for it.)

Anyway what this all means is by the time five or six years have passed and they’re all in their late 20s early 30s they’re all playing in the league together.

Then comes the All Star Game. Ransom and Holster proceed to throw a Samwell Men’s Hockey reunion kegster the likes of which the league will never forget. 

Everyone is trashed the next day for the game. Everyone.

[mittensmorgul]

I had a wee Cas-related headcanon. And I thought @mittensmorgul​ etc will have done this to death so I searched #castiel #pb&j. Right? Not a sausage, much less a symbolically charged jelly and nut based bread snack. #cas + #pb & j, #pb n j. You get the picture. But seriously, someone has done the as-pie-is-to-Dean-so-pb&j-is-to-Cas meta/fic, right? He really liked it when he was human, but it just doesn’t do anything for him any more? #look, #I ship hard, #but #you've done this, right?

Hi there! And yeah, we’ve done this…

I got this message last night and conferred with lizbob about it, because I’m going to sneakily use her tags to find some relevant musings on the subject. From her 9.03 weird rewatching notes:

Aaah, I forgot that the real April gave Cas PB&J sandwiches. She’s presumably still normal real April, anyway. I choose to believe that >.>

Since I normally go around willingly forgetting this episode, it does put 9x11 in context with Cas wanting to make himself a PB&J sandwich, and feeling sad that it doesn’t taste the same. It was offered to him out of genuine kindness and to him must represent the goodness of humanity, way more than his horrible experience with April later which Buckleming kept going back to, Robbie picks out the one nice thing about this encounter for him to reflect on, since, as I was saying, they get the monopoly on defining Cas’s human experience. He has a 3 second encounter with the real, kind April, and so that’s what Robbie leaps on, rather than choosing a path to remind us over and over of what else to do with her.

That’s quite an interesting thing as well because this season of course, stretched and fraying at the seams surface level is that Cas just loves humanity that much (like, ignoring 9x23 and Metatron actually telling us straight up that it isn’t just this :P) but the Cas x humanity thread does have a lot to commend itself just because that’s not exactly a false lead that Cas doesn’t love humanity. I think it’s lovely that he’s profoundly affected by this moment. As well as, in 9x11, it then has Cas describing a disconnect between himself and this symbol, that it doesn’t taste as he remembered and he’s sort of feeling too huge to comprehend it just as a sandwich any more. Because I think there’s a real yearning in Cas for the “human things” (and 10x01-3 when he’s sick and where that line comes from, he slips closer to humanity as his grace fails, and again we see him experiencing “human things” in a small measure, again, against his will). That yearning to me says more than anything else that I think Cas should end up human or that he would want to be, if only he could allow himself to really contemplate it. For the love of a PB&J sandwich :P

And to go right back to being a grubby Destiel shipper, this is not the only 2 times peanut butter is mentioned in this stretch of episodes. In 9x07 Dean’s arrested as a kid for stealing peanut butter to make sandwiches for Sam, which aligns him with the side of humanity Cas fell in love with: the selfless peanut butter-giving side of humanity :P So a way to link Dean to Humanity appears in the first 11 episodes…

And then there’s this, which was probably the beginning of my real personal obsession with food on this show:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/138730581600/soo-the-elvis-already-had-me-worried-for-dean

And this from lizbob’s 9.11 rewatch notes:

Cas and his PB&J!

Which I have already talked about repeatedly and especially in 9x03 where I already talked about it thematically to Cas’s humanity arc. So I guess, let’s just write down Cas expressing nostalgia for humanity which he had to give up and is now reflecting on the less shitty parts of it and realising he has given up the experience now in favour of achieving other goals, so again in a concise moment expressing his entire character conflict over the humanity arc, especially where he is on the other side of being human.

The fact Cas was sitting alone in the Bunker waiting for Sam, and decided to just go wander around digging in their shelves in the kitchen and make himself a sandwich though. I mean, compared to my comments about what Dean did off-screen between episodes that’s pretty boring, but I like it :P In 11x18 he’s strongly aligned with the kitchen, and while we don’t see the kitchen here, he had to have been in there to get the PB&J materials, even if he moved to the war room to eat it. (Which has its own significance that Cas is ready for war not domesticity, see also: all the stuff I was saying about his new uniform, grace, etc, and the reason WHY he’s changed himself so he can’t enjoy PB&J any more)

Yeah, I’m snipping stuff out here, but these are themes they’ve applied in a lot of other ways that tie in to other things as well. Pie. Coffee. Hamburgers. Cake. Pie vs Cake. Pizza. And even beer. And if you click on any of those links, you’ll note a lot of crossover between the posts.

As for s12, I’ve been keeping a Big List of Food by episode. No mention of the pb&j again yet, but I’m keeping a close eye out. It’s called The Pies of s12, but it covers pretty much all the food-as-symbolism stuff so far.

But there’s been at least one other mention of a peanut butter sandwich as a major plot device. It was, after all, the reason Dean had been arrested in 9.07, setting up the entire story and laying down some heavy Dean Feelings.

Getting back to Cas (and really Dean, too), these references used to come in the form of cheeseburgers, going all the way back to 5.14.

And yeah, we know Jimmy enjoyed a cheeseburger from 4.20, but we also know that Jimmy wasn’t there anymore by 5.14. This was all Cas, finding enjoyment from something very human. Sure, he’d been getting closer to humanity during s5, but I think this is the first time he really enjoyed something human.

I recall there being some distress in the fandom around the time 9.11 came out that Cas would’ve been reminiscing about a pb&j instead of a cheeseburger. But we just kept waving vaguely at 9.07 and the pb&j that Dean got arrested and tossed into Sonny’s Home for Boys over.

Dean had been trying his best to feed and care for Sam despite not having enough money for groceries. John was gone on a hunt and out of touch, and 16-year-old Dean got caught trying to provide for the family in the most basic way possible. Like peanut butter was the glue that could hold their whole world together.

But at the same time, that month Dean spent at Sonny’s was unprecedented for him. For the first time in his life, he didn’t have to follow John’s orders. He didn’t have to sacrifice himself to be Sam’s primary caregiver. He got to spend a bit of time doing what HE wanted to do. He joined the wrestling team and won competitions. He learned to play guitar and met his first girlfriend. He had an adult who was interested in HIM, who wanted to help HIM and make sure HE was doing well, you know? Not just whether or not he was successfully following his orders. For Dean, stealing that peanut butter was unknowingly a stepping stone to his first (and one of his only) tastes of that sort of pure freedom in his entire life.

Then (only 4 episodes later!) in 9.11 Cas reminisces about being able to taste and enjoy a pb&j for what it was, the way a human tastes it and not as an amalgamation of molecules the way an angel tastes it.

(which raises some questions about 5.14 and if Cas was appreciating the molecular arrangement of a good cheeseburger, or if Famine’s influence literally gave him an appreciation for the taste, but none of that’s relevant here atm)

Back to 9.11… Cas goes one step further and uses the pbj to make a point, the entire scene preceded by a fade-in on that pbj:

CASTIEL: Sam, I want Gadreel to pay as much as you do. But nothing is worth losing you. You know, being human, it didn’t just change my view of food. It changed my view of you. I mean, I can relate now to how you feel.SAM: What are you talking about?CASTIEL: The only person who has screwed things up more consistently than you…is me. And now I know what that guilt feels like. And I know what it… I know what it means to feel sorry, Sam. I am sorry.SAM: I know.CASTIEL: You know, old me – I would’ve have just kept going. I would’ve jammed that needle in deeper until you died because the ends always justified the means. But what I went though – Well, that PB and J taught me that angels can change, so…who knows? Maybe Winchesters can, too.

Bonus:

He misses a simple pleasure of humanity. Same as Dean. Okay imma go cry over a sandwich now.

bonus-bonus:

okay now i’m going off to cry

[multsicorn]

KENT PARSON

LOLZ it’s like you know me

this is so long it’s under a cut

character: hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS

ship with:  EVERYONE.  literally everyone.  … okay to break this down:

* Jack/Parse is the main thing I write about and think about and have feelings about.  however they are generally pretty sad-trending feelings.  so what does ‘ship’ mean.

* Parse/OC(s) is the thing I actually WANT TO HAPPEN for him, it’s the happy place future I go to when I go that far in my mind; not to get back with Jack, with or without Bitty, but to get the FUCK OVER those wounds, that hook, finally.

* (I have a tendency to go for Parse/Swoops, specifically, cause I’d like the ‘falling for a teammate’ story to work out *well,* and, um, cause there’s a specific set of tags that I started keying that off of that I should go find again - it was on a post about ace Kent Parson, something like #he wants to be someone’s everything #in a very specific way, and.  idk.  it makes a compelling story-seed, for me.)

* Parse/THERAPY is also an extremely necessary thing that I’m not likely to write but I dearly hope happens someday

* PB&J/Pimbits/whatever it’s called is my favorite sort of shippy story, I think; there’s lots of Parse/OC fics that are JUST AS GOOD, but… the overlaying of multiple love triangles, and then synthesizing them into a working system, that happens in the Jack/Bitty/Parse fics that work with the setup there (rather than skipping forwards into ‘when they’re all happy together’)… gets my #feelings well enough that it dragged me into this fandom!….  specifically, I started reading first check, please! fic and then eventually the comic because touchy subject and ain’t licked yet are not only so fucking good but hit my id SO PERFECTLY.  Everyone having feelings about everyone else’s relationships.  Such wonderful emotional ~density!

* Patater is the only popular Parse ship I’m like… why.  (I do buy des-zimbits’ ship manifesto about how they could be good together; but, c’mon, that’s not why, the reason why is cause Tater is the next-most-fleshed-out NHL character who isn’t Jack, and isn’t already fairly strongly paired with someone else, and can therefore be paired with Kent without disrupting any existing popular ships.)  Basically I’ve read some good ones, but most of it seems to be the exact sort of fluff that is why I mostly don’t read Zimbits fic and mostly do read Parse fic!  (And that’s before even getting into #little Russian things that throw me out of the story.)

* But really, just, anyone; I read the Parse character tag on AO3 so I won’t miss the gen fics or the random crack ships, cause sometimes they’re good!  (I think this is what it’s like to be way more OTC than OTP.)

friendship them with:  JACK jack jack jack jack.

Also Bitty that could be so interesting, I want to see them navigating a friendship around their separate feelings/history/etc. wrt Jack, I want to see that #blessyourheart and Parse’s probable answering antagonism (or simply antagonism born out of jealousy) morph slowly into something that’s somehow an actual friendship, that can be really interesting!  And fun!  And I love to see them being petty together, lol; I also love to see them commiserating over why is Jack Zimmermann such a dick, depending on circumstances.  (… I suppose those two can be one at the same.)

So yeah, that’s fun, but Jack and Kent getting back to a place where they can be friends with each other?  Where Jack’s not like ‘um Parson *abort* *ignore ignore*’ and Kent’s not tearing Jack into shreds at being rejected and they can have conversations and maybe some of those mutual apologies alluded to in Shinny and maybe ~closure,~ even?  For the way ‘it just ended’?  The idea of after years of wounds getting to put to rest the bad parts (cause I suspect their relationship was A Mess) and get back the good parts of one of your old best friendships again?  It makes me more #emotional dammit than anything else about this comic.

(the lines I’ve been thinking about here, lately:i said i’d never miss you but i guess you never knowmay the bridges i have burned light my way back homeon the fourth of july~)

there’s something i can’t seem to reduce or explain any further about ‘may the bridges i have burned light my way back home’ that just GETS TO ME.

general opinions: SO MANY.

I love him.  I mean, obviously.  If one takes a look at my blog.

But, interestingly, I’m not quite sure why I don’t read him as abusive.  (If anyone from Glee fandom remembers the way I was about Sebastian…!)  Some of the things he says to Jack in Parse III - ‘you think you’re too fucked up to care about?  That you’re not good enough?  Everyone already knows what you are, but it’s people like me who still care’ - and ‘you’re scared everyone else is going to find out you’re worthless, right?  Oh, don’t worry, just give it a few seasons, Jack, trust me’ - are ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY red flags, and I’ll throw down with anyone who says they aren’t.  (I mean.  I hate confrontation, so I probably won’t? but in theory.)  Likewise, coming to Samwell/the Haus in the first place when he seems to know that Jack wouldn’t want to see him if he had a choice about it… is also an awful thing to do, if possibly understandable depending how you write the backstory and decision-making or lack thereof, but also a red flag!!!

I mean, basically, you can read ‘Parse III’ as literally one of the worst nights of his life, and when he’s behaving the worst, as something that’s not much of a pattern and so you shouldn’t judge him on it too harshly; or you can read it as HE IS SOMEONE WHO BEHAVES LIKE THIS, abort abort get away.  I find trying to take what we see and still make someone sympathetic to be a much more interesting story, basically, and the bones of a very compelling one; but in my experience with other characters in other media who have triggered my own pattern matching to be ‘abort abort get away,’ I have utter sympathy and understanding for everyone who has him blacklisted to hell and back, and I’m actually still not sure why I don’t myself!  (of course if I had reacted that way I wouldn’t be in this fandom at all, so I wouldn’t have much need to blacklist him… but ykwim.)

SO OKAY HM WHAT ELSE, cause if I’m listing all of my opinions on Kent Parson I could literally be here all night.

* ‘He never got over it’ may sound cruel but it just so happens to be the truest thing.  Kent’s not really still in love with Jack (though I’m sure he was when they were both 18); he doesn’t really know him, hasn’t really seen or talked to him in seven-ish years, now.  In which they’ve both changed.  But Kent’s in all that time never managed a relationship with anyone else (… probably); never managed to reorient himself sufficiently away from the horrific failure that losing Jack in the particular way he did was.  He never got over it isn’t just your stupid ass, Zimmermann, you’re not that great!, it’s the wound of finding your best friend and lover dying on the bathroom floor (or hearing about it later secondhand, that’s great too), it’s the wound of him not wanting to talk to you or hear what you have to say afterwards.  How the fuck would you get over something like that.

* (so, I mean, that’s why I love Kent.  His STORY is so much more INTERESTING than zimbits’ romcom or the smh team shenanigans; or, well, okay, it’s objectively a different flavor of emotions at least.  And the higher drama and angst quotients there are infinitely more interesting to me.)

* I think he’s a good captain for the Aces, actually.  I think he enjoys parties, getting to interact with lots of people, loves attention and flirting, etc. - and dancing/dance music too! - but I don’t think he’s ~partied~ in a problematic way since maybe his first year on the team.  (Or if he has, it’s in a few isolated incidents.)  He’s generally responsible trying to look out for his rookies and his teammates in trouble.

* AND OF COURSE HIS CAT, who is the love and light of his life, and also more popular on the internet than he is.  There are tons of people who recognize Kit Purrson from her photos but have no idea who Kent is.  He loves it, I’m sure.  =^.^=.

* He is, however, really bad at controlling his own emotions.  (Or should I say, himself.)  It’s fine when this results in impulsive spending, cause he’s a multi-millionaire, it’s fine when this results in being ridiculous or gushing at people, and he IS actually able to keep secrets, though this would probably surprise most of the people who know him but not that well.  (he’s not out yet, so.)  But he says REALLY MEAN AND UNFAIR things to people he cares about when he feels rejected/abandoned (… I’m sure that time in Parse III is not the only time), so, that’s a problem, he knows it gets him into trouble, and I don’t think he’ll learn how to not until, um, THERAPY ~*~.

* HE IS SUCH AN ATTENTION WHORE THO.  Also great at being ~charming.  (see, e.g., the accountant sketch, as well as the epikegster) - and pretty genuine with it!  He LIKES people!

* He is also a FUCKING MESS - possibly not in the #adulting sense, maybe he can feed himself, who knows, but, emotionally - I think he both longs for connection with people, and fears it going south, cause, well.  The last guy he was in love with almost died (almost killed himself? I bet you couldn’t tell from the outside!) and then stopped talking to him.  And very possibly also for reasons predating that incident, too.  Cause if Kent had the sort of relationships he wants to have with people IN LAS VEGAS, then he wouldn’t have crashed the epikegster in the first place.  So: lonely, and dealing with it poorly, no matter how well he’s doing otherwise.  But not sad all the time.  I think that’s all of the important things?

* (I’m not sure where the line between ‘opinions’ and ‘headcanons’ lies, so, yeah, I’m gonna cut myself off here.  Maybe I’ll write ‘my list of random Parse headcanons’ next!  Or maybe not, who knows.  But I would LIKE to.  Everyone wants to know how I imagine his sexuality, his family, etc., I’m sure; well okay, I want to write about it, anyway!  Not only waiting till the times I’ve finished a fic!)

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The Brooklyn Nets Have Nothing to Lose—And They're Playing Like It

If the Brooklyn Nets have been known for anything over the past few years, it's the trade. The 2013 deal sending three unprotected draft picks and one pick-swap to Boston for Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce has become a cruel joke, a cautionary tale, and a recurring nightmare whose effect on the franchise has been profound and lasting.

It's a sensitive subject.

"We've never addressed it," said Nets head coach Kenny Atkinson before his team took on the Lakers in Los Angeles last week. (Atkinson and general manager Sean Marks were hired in 2016.) "Sean and I don't talk about it...Really, no one in the organization—from the secretary down to the coach—we don't talk about it."

They might as well not, even if it is the reason the Nets are presently comprised of three salary cap scourges, five G-League flyers, and a few quarters that Marks found in owner Mikhail Prokhorov’s couch. Atkinson is so absorbed in coaching this collection of castaways that his brow seems to have furrowed permanently, and the players, hell-bent on proving they belong, have emerged as a young, fun, and feverish outfit that is running opponents ragged. These Nets are playing valiant, if futile basketball. They have nothing to lose.

In the locker room, Caris Levert is lacing up his standard-issue Kyries before he hits the court. He doesn’t care about the trade—he didn’t even realize he was (sort of) part of the return. In 2015, the Nets flipped Garnett for Thaddeus Young; the following year they shipped Young to Indiana for LeVert's draft rights. “I just knew I was traded for Thaddeus,” LeVert said.

The slender second-year shooting guard is a league-pass aficionado's delight: obscure, as raw as he is lanky, and dripping with style. He doesn't so much attack the basket as burrow his way there, surfacing at the rim to lay in the ball or dish it at some bizarre angle. LeVert had foot issues throughout college, the main reason he fell out of the lottery in the 2016 draft. But everyone on this team has some reason they got picked too low, LeVert just puts his head down, and gets where he’s trying to go.

In that respect, he’s like the rest of this team, a group that embodies every sports cliche about determination but without being insufferable. That Brooklyn is near the top of the NBA in free-throw rate only begins to convey the group’s relentlessness. They are overachievers by definition. The only lottery pick on the roster is D’Angelo Russell; most of the players are ex-G-Leaguers. (That includes the team’s highest-paid player, Allen Crabbe, and Lin, its most recognizable.) Some of the Nets player bios read like the narrative arc of a bad commencement speech: Sean Kilpatrick, a shifty scoring guard, was cut by four different NBA teams before the Nets plucked him from the G-League last year. "We all got chips on our shoulders," Kilpatrick said. "That's why we're all here.”

There is no advanced stat to measure high-five rate, but anecdotal evidence points to the Nets as the touchy-feeliest team in the NBA. Even against the Lakers, in a game they never lead, they are all over each other, greeting each other at timeouts, dashing over to peel a teammate off the floor, high-fiving excessively.

“It’s because we like each other a lot,” Kilpatrick said. “We hang out together, which makes things a lot easier for us on the court. It makes it a lot more genuine.

“It all goes to the fact that we play for one another. It doesn't matter what the score is—it doesn't affect how we look at each other. We always want to make sure that we know that we have each other's back, and I think that's the best part of our team.”

A quick heat check: the Nets, while perhaps not headed for last place in the East—that will be Atlanta, or Chicago, or at this rate maybe Cleveland!—will still be pretty bad this season. They hemorrhage points no matter who’s on the court. They hoist up bad shots, and they aren’t particularly accurate, either.

But Atkinson’s gunners are still making teams bleed. The Nets are second in the league in scoring, playing at the fastest pace. You can’t play them hung over. “Everybody needs to stop looking at them like the 15th team in the East,” Orlando Magic coach Frank Vogel said recently. “They're a much-improved team, and they're hard to guard."

To watch the Nets is to watch the messy, earnest pursuit of growth. Russell, masquerading as a grayscale James Harden, has rediscovered some of the creativity that had stunted under Luke Walton. Rondae Hollis-Jefferson is blossoming into a proper two-way player while wearing what appears to be Nike brand chubbies. Timofey Mozgov is shooting threes now. Trevor Booker continues to do Trevor Booker things.

And then there’s Jarrett Allen, the rookie big man who’s hurt right now. Allen is simultaneously nineteen years old and seven feet tall, and about as diffident as they come in the NBA. But he is fearsome around the rim at both ends, showing promise as the team's center of the future. Between LeVert's stop-and-go drives and Allen's honest-to-goodness (also good-as-hell) afro, Brooklyn's future might look a lot like an ABA-era Nets revival.

There’s a growing trend of hashtag-branded rebuilds in the NBA, but there’s no catchphrase yet for what this franchise is trying to pull off. If Philadelphia has The Process, and Phoenix has The Timeline, what does Brooklyn have? "That's a good question," Allen said. He looks like he wants to come up with something but knows that whatever it is will be terrible. "The Grit? I don't know." Brooklyn has The Grit.

The Lakers handed the Nets their third loss in a row that night, led by Brook Lopez and Kyle Kuzma—the player and pick sent to Los Angeles this summer for Russell. The pick used on Kuzma was originally Boston’s—the one that got swapped for Jayson Tatum. Naturally, Kuzma is looking like the steal of the draft. (The trade never dies.)

Atkinson did the postgame scrum looking like he’d just housed a full styrofoam cup of instant coffee. There was a lot to go over, clearly. "We're 16 days without a practice," he said, wincing. "The film work we're doing isn't translating. We're trying to do it through film but it's not getting the point across. So we gotta take advantage of practice time."

The visitors' locker room was hushed and featured the saddest platter of PB&J triangles you've ever seen. Allen Crabbe preached resilience. Russell evaded questions about facing his former team. Mozgov hobnobbed with a Russian reporter. There will be many more nights like this over the next few years. Most of the characters will probably be changed out before this team makes the playoffs again.

Or, maybe not.

"A lot of people count us out," LeVert said. "But we feel like we're a really good team. We're not caught up in the outside noise at all. We feel like we're really good."

The Brooklyn Nets Have Nothing to Lose—And They're Playing Like It published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv