#why do the. why do the crabs enjoy it shane

[spacesapphi]

Shout-out to Shane for having some of the most.... interesting dialogue in this game, there is never a dull moment

[sdv-mostly-shane]

Waves of Silk and Honey

Summary: Shane is interrupted from his normal bout self wallowing by a certain long-haired writer. He finds himself relaxing at every word that comes out of his mouth, and finds himself a little something more. Some slight suggestive content.

♡ this one goes out to a very special request- I hope you enjoy! Thank you for your ask. This was such a fun writing stretch for me, as I never thought to put these two together ♡

***very very *slight* spoiler for 1.5*** please keep scrolling if you want to go in completely blind.

Shane didn’t even know why he let himself get dragged to this new beach everyone was talking about. When the town was blabbing about a ‘resort’ that the farmer had built on an island they found, this was not what he expected.

It was cute, alright, but he hated the sun beating on his neck, he hated the way his shirt clung to his belly, and he hated that everyone was having fun, except for him. Shane watched Abby, Sebastian, and Sam at the waters edge, as he made his way to the closest shade, and sat down. As he drew his legs up to his chest and pushed his back harder against the cliff wall, he let himself sink into the dull greyness of his feelings, and he closed his eyes.

...

“Do you mind if I sit here? Its the best shaded area, and the close sea breeze helps clear my mind as I write. Would you be so kind?”

Shane’s eyes shot open at the sudden waking, but the soft, melodious voice soothed over his surprise. He looked up to see Elliot, pen and notebook in hand, and a gentle smile on his face.

“Mmph. Go ahead.” Shane really didn’t care either way, as long as he didn’t have to talk to him, but he did briefly think that he at least wouldn’t look so pathetically sad with someone sitting next to him.

“Oh, thank you,” Elliot sighed as he sat down, “what sweet relief to be in the shade. The sun is angry today... My skin is a bit too delicate, I'm afraid.” He turned to Shane with an embarrassed half smile.

Shane didn’t have to force out a reply, as Elliot immediately crossed his legs, opened his notebook, and started to write something down. If this is all he wanted to do, then maybe he could just close his eyes again ...

...

He drowsily peeked his eyes open sometime later to see Elliot looking at him, head resting in his palm. He normally would get embarrassed at this direct attention (as it was usually scorn or pity from the other villagers), but Elliots eyes were neither. Just clear, emotionless study.

“You must like being alone. The silence of solitude is something I searched for for many years before I moved here to The Valley-I need it for my writing, you see..... the sweet friction of pen and paper is the music of my soul. That's why I chose the beach as my home, so that I could have peace and quiet to do my work.... it doesn’t always work, however, so I thought maybe the change of scenery would help release this little block of mine that has plagued me all week.”

“So you went from one beach to another beach just to see the same thing?”

“It’s a little silly, isn’t it. You’re right, of course. No matter where we are, when we look outwards into the water, we are seeing the same rolling tides of the same sea. No matter which shore you are on, you are watching one ocean. It’s magic, in that way.” Elliot earnestly turned toward Shane, who’s eyes were already on him- “Breathe deeply,” Shane couldn’t stop himself-he filled his lungs with the salted air before he had even finished his sentence, “Do you notice it? That's the smell of the sea. Whenever I smell the sea, it reminds me of my youth. The ocean really impressed me as a child.”

Shane didn’t know how to answer him-which was probably better than his normal ‘f-off’ reply, to be honest-and instead just looked at the man. He had seen him occasionally at the saloon through the haze of amber on his tongue, remembering him sitting with one of the red headed girls, dressed in a coattail and tie, of all things. The very nature of posh, education, and sophistication poured out of him as languidly as the honey hued locks of hair flowed over his shoulders. Here, he could clearly see him, and met his eyes-he felt soothed, and remained quiet for a moment longer.

“Hmm... thank you, Shane.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I know.”

Shane, puzzled, furrowed his brows in response to the mans gentle smile. He turned his gaze to the ocean and ventured another deep breath of the crisp air. He watched the waves pull in and out, in and out, in.. and out...

...

“Shane, I truly appreciate your kindness to me. You’re one of the few people who have sincerely listened to my musings without brushing me off. I know that I am kind of an 'oddball'. I hope you don't mind.”

Shane couldn’t help but let out a small laugh-“hah, that’s usually what people say about me.”

Shane glanced over quick enough to catch the mans gentle face transform into defined angles and squinted eyes as his grin grew into a beaming smile. “We’re not all that different, are we. Just as the ocean-different sanded beaches, but the same sea... that’s the first time I’ve ever seen you smile, Shane. I do hope you’ll bless me with its presence again soon.”

Shane didn’t feel embarrassed by his forwardness, a welcome change from the shallow small talk of the rest of the townsfolk. He enjoyed letting the mans richly colored words replace his own grey thoughts. There was no judgement in his tone, only warmth-Shane felt more at ease from his voice alone than he ever did from the ‘relaxing’ ocean in front of him.

Shane finally responded, “You like talking to me? I guess I believe you... maybe you’re just as weird as I am.” Shane turned his head fully to smile at him, and was caught off guard by the sudden blush on the mans cheeks; he raised an eyebrow and a smirk as the man quickly turned his head toward his page, suddenly interested in his writing again.

Shane was amused watching the pink flush travel up the mans cheekbones, up to the tip of his ears. He found his eyes trailing over his jaw, down his neck, and onto his bare shoulders. Gone was the stuffy jacket, and Shane could see his actual body shape for the first time. His shoulders were quite broad and surprisingly bulky, for someone who Shane thought was a bit frilly. He caught Elliot’s eyes peeking past his veil of hair, and Shane laughed to himself as he watched the mans eyes dart back to the page in front of him, his blush blooming further into a deep red. Was he... flustered?

Shane grinned to himself, bemused. Why would a man so effortless and, you know, actually beautiful, be so nervous of *him*? He half turned his attention back to the waves, not wanting to full on ogle the guy. The waves were dropping further into the shore, and Shane watched as the bubbles of the wet sand fizzled and popped.

“I came to the valley to find the ivory tower from which my talents could reign supreme. But what I really found was a dungeon of loneliness. I hope we can grow closer, Shane. I enjoy your company.” He gestured to his notebook with his feathered pen, “plus, your nearness has seemed to open up my mind to some new inspiration. In fact-before I lose this-“ he brought his book close to his chest, and resumed fervently writing.

Shane remained silent, watching the dancing of the wisps of duck feather dance in the sea breeze as the man wrote. He wondered what it must be like to know that you were smart and to know your purpose in the world. He turned his attention back to the sand, where little creatures were popping in and out, his eyes only returning to the man when he noticed two sturdy arms lift above his head, gathering the honey silks of hair into a messy knot atop his head. Shane could hardly stop himself from peeking over his shoulder to the flexing of the mans back-that too, much more bulky and defined than expected. He did sometimes see him fishing, while on his daily walk from Joja, which would explain the tight muscles stretching and contracting across his skin. Shane forced himself to turn his attention back to the little crabs that were scurrying and dodging the tide.

Elliot looked up with a small gasp, and pushed himself off the ground. He made his way a bit up to the shoreline, crouched down, and gingerly reached into his shorts pocket, pulling out a tiny speck of red. He turned toward Shane with a little wave, gesturing to him with the baby crab- “I thought he would like to see the new beach as well.”

Shane, witnessing the most precious display of his life in front of him, had his own turn to blush, now, thinking about how much more he wanted to get to know this burly, poetry-writing, beautiful man with a tiny crab in his pocket. For now, he just returned the mans wave with a smile, and let himself sink into the vibrant reds, pinks, and honey-hued golds that were floating around in his thoughts, as he closed his eyes.

[somedew-fictions]

16, Shane to (non-binary?) Farmer. Fuck me up.

#16 “I’m sorry, I’ll try to be better!”

The farmer has been living in the valley for just over a year, Spring rolling around once again. The coming of Spring meant that the farmer had plenty of work to do on the farm after a long winter with hours kneeling in the fields. And that's what the farmer did, spending all day under the hot scourging sun until it got cool and dark to the point they could no longer see three feet ahead of them.

Soon the farmer finds themselves heading to the Stardrop Saloon after a quick shower, humming as they stroll into town. The best way to end a hard day at work is a nice evening surrounded by friends and stuffing your face with Gus's cooking.

The farmer enters the saloon, throwing a nod towards Willy and Clint's table and a wave towards Elliott and Leah before offering a smile to Pierre. Their feet gravitate towards the fireplace as usual to sit with their closest friend in town, Shane.

He was a handful at times, but with the right mindset, he will show a person his redeeming qualities. In just a year of knowing him, the farmer has watched him grow as a person; watched him fall from his already crestfallen position, but they also have been there to help him on his way back up.

The farmer crawled into his pit of despair, lowering themselves in one inch at a time as he slowly opened up to them, and offered to hoist him up just the few feet he needed in order to grab the ledge and begin the climb all the way back up. Now, they still offer support, remaining at the bottom to catch him if he looses his grip on his journey.

Yet, approaching their usual spot, Shane is no where in sight. The farmer frowns, turning back around to face the room and get a better look to who is present, hoping to see Shane's face. When they don't, the farmer takes a quick peak into the arcade, wondering if Shane was checking to make sure his high score hadn't been beaten by Sam, but again, he wasn't there.

Upon exiting the arcade, Gus spots the farmer's worried expression.

"It's good to see you, you have barely come in all Winter." Gus says, leaning over the bar as the farmer approaches. His smile is as welcoming as usual, his eyes burning with curiosity.

"Good to see you too Gus. Shane and I always come out for dinner when you make crab cakes, so we wouldn't miss it," the farmer sighs. "Have you seen him?"

Gus's smile falters for a moment, something in his eyes weakening. "I..." He glances away. "I thought maybe you two had a falling out or something."

"Why would you think that?" The farmer's frown deepens. "Gus, tell me the truth."

Gus forces his gaze to meet the farmer's, his shoulders tense. "He came in like he normally does after work but before I knew it he had ordered a beer."

"You gave him a beer?" The farmer hisses into a whisper, their eyes settling into a glare at Gus.

Gus drops his voice down low, leaning across the bar further. "I've been keeping Shane's sobriety on the down low like you asked me to so nobody makes a big deal about it. Emily doesn't know about it so she is the one who gave him the drink," he takes a deep breath, knowing he made a horrible mistake. "I'm sorry. I really am..."

"Do you know where he is now?" The farmer sighs, shaking their head slowly. Suddenly everything feels like it is crumbling around them- like the ground beneath their feet is beginning to shift, making it harder to stand.

"About three glasses in he started mumbling about how angry you were going to be and he left," Gus shrugs. "I assume he went home. He didn't look wasted."

The farmer bites their lip, thinking for a moment. "Alright, thanks Gus. You owe me a crab cake," they say before walking out of the saloon without another word, hoping they know where to find Shane.

At this point its pitch black out, the moon's radiance practically useless. Their fingers cold from the night's breeze, the farmer shoves their hands into their pockets and heads down towards Marnie's ranch.

They know well enough he isn't home, so they march right past the ranch house and head to the dock in the lake.

Because of how dark it is the farmer can't see Shane's silhouette until they are standing at the opposing end of the dock. They can see him crouching at the edge of the dock completely crestfallen, his face buried in his hands.

The sight felt so familiar, the farmer's finger tips going numb. Seeing him in the same position they found him in months ago that fully pulled them into his pit of despair. The farmer hadn't realized that they never left that moment in time, suspended on the dock as they witness Shane crumble away.

"Shane," the farmer croaks. "I was so worried," they whimper, hurrying down the dock to join him at the edge. Their boots sound heavy against the old wood, startling Shane.

He lifts his head like a dog who had just heard its name be called, his eyes wide as he watches the farmer rush to his side with tears already forming in their eyes. His jaw hangs slightly agape, his thoughts buzzing around in his head as he tries to sort them.

The farmer goes to hug him and his cheeks burn a fiery red, remaining still as the farmer pulls him closer. After an awkward beat, the farmer lets go, blood running to their cheeks in embarrassment.

"Shane? What's wrong? We were supposed to have dinner at the saloon tonight," the farmer asks worriedly.

"I..." Shane slowly shakes his head as the words are caught in his throat. The farmer watches as he crumbles before their very eyes, his face contorting as he fights his own expression. "I..." his neck gives up, his head falling forward in defeat.

"Tell me what happened, Shane," the farmer begs, reaching up their hands to brush his hair away from his forehead. When he doesn't reply, the farmer forces a crooked smile across their face.

They couldn't let him slip fully back into his original state- they had to salvage what they could and cut their losses. Gus had said he had left the saloon on his own- that counted for something. "It's okay," they assure him meekly. "It's going to be okay, too. I'm not upset."

Shane's shoulders shudder, the farmer barely able to make out his facial features in the dark. They can hear him as he takes in a deep breath, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry," he manages to say, his mouth dry. "Emily asked if I'd have my usual and I wasn't thinking and... it was right in front of me. I couldn't say no." He shakes his head, a look of disgust on his face from his own actions.

"But you left the saloon, Shane," the farmer smiles faintly, their smile becoming more genuine as his eyes flick up to meet their gaze. "I'm so proud of you for that. Nothing has been lost."

"You think so?" He whispers.

"I know so!" The farmer confirms, opening their arms for a hug. Shane bites his lip and accepts their hug, burying his face into their shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'll try to be better."

"I don't have a doubt in my mind that you won't," the farmer smiles, giving him a squeeze.

I tried XD I hope you all enjoyed!!!!

[drunkkenobi]

Catt’s Favorite BuzzFeed Unsolved Episodes

This Friday (March 27, 2020) BuzzFeed Unsolved is going to air its 100th episode! I have no idea if they’ll acknowledge it, but exciting all the same. In celebration of it, and because watching two dummies ghost hunt and talk murder is actually a good use of everyone’s time right now, I’m going to list my Top 10 Supernatural and Top 10 True Crime episodes. (But first, subscribe to Watcher)

BFU Supernatural Top 10

10. The Haunted Quarters of the Dauphine Orleans Hotel - Both New Orleans episodes are a hoot and a half, but I give the edge to the Dauphine because of the bedsharing, the spooky footsteps, “I STOLE THEM OFF A WOMAN WHO DIED ON THE TITANIC”,  and, of course, two ghost bros chillin’ in a jacuzzi tub six inches apart.

9. The Search for the Mysterious Mothman - While this episode is so enjoyable (the pizza, the ogling of the Mothman statue, the Mothman calls, etc.) on its own, I love it so much for introducing Mothman into the BFU mythos. I think about Ryan saying he’d ride Mothman for life almost every day of my own life.

8. The Hunt for La Llorona - The Weeping Woman - Yes, a sponsored episode made my top 10 and it’s because Curly is a goddamn treasure and brought out so much weird chaotic horniness in Ryan. Also they got some spooky spirit box answers at the cemetery.

7. The Subterranean Terrors of the London Tombs - The best Unsolved episodes are when some spooky stuff actually happens (as it does here, with some unexplained noises and a light turning off), but what freaks Ryan out the most is just a very normal haunted maze attraction. Magnifique. 

6. The Mysterious Disappearance of the Roanoke Colony - This one is just so fucking funny. Ryan’s theories getting increasingly bonkers are always a fun staple, but never better than when he gets to drop that “the Roanoke colonists turned into zombies” bomb on Shane who throws Timmy’s ball he’s so mad.

5. The Unbelievable Horrors of the Old City Jail - a newbie, but still worthy of the top 10. Yes, Ryan’s freakout on his solo investigation is what makes this one, but we can’t forget the completely bizarre bellybutton courting and Ryan and Shane’s rap. Nor the way Shane very softly greets Ryan after his freakout.

4. Return to the Horrifying Winchester Mansion - I love the Winchester mansion, it’s a place I’d love to visit someday. (I don’t think it’s all that haunted, I just think it’s neat). The boys return is very fun, especially their overnight stay in separate rooms. Ryan’s running monologue of begging the ghosts to stay away from him (even though he’s there to collect evidence of their existence) is never funnier than here. It also gave us an all-time moment in the Post-Mortem where Ryan admitted that Shane provided him a great deal of comfort.

3. Three Horrifying Cases of Ghosts and Demons - The one that started it all. It remains a favorite (and their most watched) for a reason. The original Winchester ghost hunt and the Island of the Dolls are good enough on their own, but it’s Sallie House that made the show into what we all know and love today. Ryan screaming at a flashlight, Shane laughing at Ryan screaming at a flashlight...that’s it, that’s the show.

2. The Terrors of the Yuma Territorial Prison - “This episode is underrated!!!” she screamed from the rafters. Shane is in a very odd mood in this one, insisting to Ryan that he did hear some strange footsteps (and Ryan doesn’t seem to believe him), he gets into an argument with a possible ghost on the spirit box, “I’m strange and OFF-PUTTING!”, that goofy ass gift shop investigation, and then there’s the bats. It’s a great thrill to see what Shane is like when he’s actually a little freaked out, and it’s, as always, an even greater one to see Ryan reduced to tears.

1. The Demonic Goatman’s Bridge - Is it an obvious #1? Yes. Does that make it any less worthy? No. One of my favorite things about this episode is that Shane’s iconic antagonizing of Goatman happens in the first half of the episode. Then they have to go into the woods and yell about cult stuff and be afraid of real people hanging out in said woods after! The energy started chaotic (”Are you taking off your pants? We’re in public!”) and never stopped from there. An absolute classic and it always, always makes me laugh. 

BFU True Crime Top 10

10. The Historic Disappearance of Louis LePrince - I think season 3 of True Crime is really strong, in general. As a true crime fan, it had a lot of cases I had never heard before and I think they’re all pretty interesting, this one included. I also like that it gave Shane a chance to shit on Thomas Edison. He deserved it.

9. The Odd Vanishing of Amelia Earhart - Like Shane, I do like to imagine Amelia crash landing among the crabs. It’s a good mix of a classic mystery we all know a little about and the boys taking it to the extremes.

8. The Enigmatic Death of the Isdal Woman - One of the best directed episodes of Unsolved (great job Sara), I really enjoy all the flourishes this episode has. Plus, it’s a great mystery. Yeah, she was probably a spy, but that’s only one part of the story. 

7. The Terrifying Axeman of New Orleans - The boys have a lot of fun with this, especially the rumors that the Axeman was somehow supernatural and able to shrink down to enter doors. 

6. The Creepy Murder in Room 1046 - One of those mysteries I had never heard before and I was totally enthralled for this episode because of it. I’ve even heard this on other True Crime programs since then, but Ryan and Shane talking about it is still much more interesting and entertaining to me. This episode did introduce us to the running joke that will not die, Ricky Goldsworth, but it’s helped by the realization that Ryan 100% named his ~evil alter ego after his childhood dog.

5. The Thrilling Gardner Museum Heist - This one holds a special place in my heart because it was the episode that really hooked me on the show. It wasn’t the first I watched (that would be Bobby Mackey’s), but it was the one that interested me enough to keep clicking around on YouTube to keep watching these two cute doofuses. It’s also a very fun mystery since no one dies.

4. The Disturbing Murders at Keddie Cabin - One of the most visually stunning episodes of BFU, the boys trip to the Keddie Cabins is one of the most genuinely unsettling episodes. The rainy day and glances of townspeople watching them poke around the remnants of the cabin where a woman and children were brutally murdered really add to the mood, especially because of the rumors that town and police corruption are why these remain unsolved.

3. The Mysterious Death of the Eight Day Bride - Ah, the polyamorous episode, as I refer to it in my head. It was nice to see them tackle a case that included a possible queer angle and treat that part of it pretty respectfully. It was also nice for Ryan to compare himself to the third wheel of the story when talking about hanging out with Shane and Sara all the time. (this episode also gets a slight boost for having the best Post-Mortem of all time. He would ride Mothman for life, y’all.)

2. The Strange Disappearance of DB Cooper - It’s just hilarious. They have a ball discussing one of the biggest American mysteries of the 20th century, nearly choking on their bourbon and sodas, “SPRING BREAK!!!”, and laughing at the “phantom of the sky”. 

1. The Treacherous Treasure Hunt of Forrest Fenn - Ryan Bergara emerging from a Best Western bathroom dressed up as Indiana Jones while Shane stares in stunned silence is the greatest 3 seconds this show has ever produced. I will not be taking critiques at this time.

No, but seriously, this episode is a full-on blast. I love how different it is from anything else they’ve ever done. I love the “over-produced montages”. I love the actual thrill when Ryan sees that square rock. I, obviously, love the Indiana Bergara of it all. I love that they really did do a lot of research into where to look for Fenn’s treasure. I loved their stupid Post-Mortem outfits and renting an expensive car all for a stupid bit because that’s why I love these two dummies. They delight each other so much with their similar bullshit and sense of humor and it’s never more apparent and charming to me than this episode. 

[makemadej]

So today two of my worlds collided in the best way: Ryan and Shane were guests on one of my favorite podcasts. I was totally blindsided by this since there was no promo for it whatsoever (who knows why, maybe they forgot when the release date was, maybe they’ve been taken captive by skeletons, maybe they’re just terrible at promoting themselves), and it killed me that I couldn't listen to the whole thing until after work. It's over two hours long and podcasts aren't everyone's cup of tea, so I'm capturing the ghoul boy highlights here for anyone who wants them.

Wine and Crime is a weekly podcast hosted by three ladies who are feminist as fuck and pair a different crime with a different wine each episode. This time, the theme was Pandora's Box crimes, aka "crimes that were only supposed to be minimal but ended up being a shitshow." Inevitably, they paired it with boxed wine.

Enter the ghoul boys.

Ryan, on Franzia: I do enjoy slappin' a bag Shane: I've seen Ryan slap some bags in my day. [...] Ryan: Shane has to tell me to stop slapping the bag sometimes Ryan: I used to do this thing in college called Tour de Franzia. It was like a drinking game, but it was an obstacle course, and at every checkpoint you had to slap the bag. [beat] I made great decisions in college.

Ryan: You say "nice stream" to the sound of liquid being poured into something, it maybe is not the best...it may not communicate well over audio. Shane: Hey, nice stream Ryan: Nice stream. That's what I say every time I go up to a urinal. To any guy. Tap him on the shoulder. Shane: Men in public bathrooms, we all compliment each other's streams. Ryan: Yeah. It's best if you whisper it. At close proximity. I get really close so he can smell the Popeye's on my breath that I just got at the terminal and I whisper "nice stream."

Ryan: We're drinking the 14% Four Lokos seltzer over here [borderline unintelligible banter about playing Edward Four Lokos hands]

Ryan, on the description of himself on a "which BFU guy are you" quiz: That sounds like the description of a golden retriever.

Shane: I know there's one quiz that was popular where the description [of me] was entirely wrong.

Ryan, increasingly high pitched: A fan sent you all these goat parts?

[What is your favorite wine varietal?] Ryan: Hmmmmmm... [Do you know what a varietal is?] Shane, with gusto: No!

Ryan: Wine to me is just wine at this point. I'm not that far on my wine journey. I was a beer guy that's transitioning over into wine. Shane: Well, it sounds like you're not doing a very good job. Ryan: You know what, I said I am LEARNING, Shane. So why don't you get off your high horse and tell them what kind of wine you like? Shane: I don't even know! Ryan: Mr. "I don't know what a wine varietal is" Shane: Yeah. But I don't call myself a wine guy Ryan: I never said I was a wine guy! I said I was-- Shane: You were like, "Oh, have you see that Netflix documentary, Sommelier?" Ryan: First off, I didn't say it like Elmo from Sesame Street, but I also said I was transitioning!

Shane: I like some red wines and some white wines Ryan, imitating him: I like the stuff with the alcohol in it...and sometimes it has bubbles and makes my tummy feel good and uhhhh, yeah Shane: Yeah, I don't really know... Ryan: Sick answer Shane: There's a kind my girlfriend always gets that's really good but I don't...I can't remember the name of it Ryan: That's a long name. That's actually a good name for a wine! The Kind My Girlfriend Gets, ever had it? They sell it at Trader Joe's. Shane: I'm not even trying to do like a...*weird cowboy voice* "I'm a man, so I don't drink wine. Only my girlfriend does." I like wine, I've just...I've never been good at wine. And wine makes me real sleepy, so I almost never have it. Ryan: That's why I don't drink red wine...and it also makes me look like I've been chewing on mud clots or something.

[What is one "unsolved" case that you're pretty sure you've solved?] Ryan: What was that one where I was like, I think I've pretty much solved this one? The Black Dahlia I'm pretty sure was George Hodel. I'm almost positive of it. Shane: Wasn't there like a missing child one that we thought we had sorta gotten? Bobby Dunbar Ryan: Bobby Dunbar. I think we had solved that one. Uh... Shane: We can never concretely say that we've solved it. Ryan: No, we can't legally, but I'm pretty sure D.B. Cooper's bones are an ornament in some pine tree out there in the Pacific Northwest [...] Shane: The case is pretty closed on Amelia Earhart, too. Ryan: I don't think so. Shane: Yeah, she got eaten by crabs. Ryan: I think it's closed in your mind. That's what you'd like to have happened. Shane: That's what happened. Ryan: Giant, man-eating crabs. It's amazing that those exist. I saw one dragging a coconut. Not hard to imagine that coconut being a head. Shane: Yeah. Of an aviatrix. Ryan: Of an aviatrix, yeah. The most famous aviatrix of all time!

Ryan: Fun fact, shaking my bones is what I call dancing.

Shane: I'll say that Ryan is 100% that bitch. Ryan: I'd say 0% actually. Shane: See, that's what makes you that bitch. Ryan, cracking up: What about you, Shane? Shane: Mm. 45.

Ryan: I don't know if people would like me walking into a room trumpeting "I'm 100% that bitch!" every time I walk in a room. I think there's nuance to it. You can't always be 100% that bitch. [...] Or if I'm trying to make an omelet and I can't make the flip...not 100% that bitch in that moment. I'll tell you, it's the bane of my existence Shane: You can't make an omelet? Ryan: It's impossible! Shane: It's not. Ryan: It's really hard! I don't think I have the proper pan. Shane: It sounds like you don't. Do you have a good spatula? Ryan: Maybe, I dunno... Shane: WHAT DO YOU MEAN MAYBE? DO YOU HAVE A GOOD SPATULA OR NOT? It’s a yes or no question! Ryan: I think it might be, I don't know! I have no idea where it came from, I got it from my mom. Maybe she bought it from Sur la Table? Shane: I was gonna say, go to *French accent* Sur la Table, get a little free espresso... [degenerates into arguing about French pronunciation]

Shane on working at Abercrombie: I was in the stock room, they didn't let me up front. Not my beat. [...] Me and my friends...would just hang out in the back and listen to music and eat cookie dough. And they'd be like "we need you to fold this box of girly shirts" and we'd be like "ah, okay!" and then we'd just take the box and be like "this is too many shirts." And we'd just throw it...this was the area like a loft area where you couldn't see anything. We'd just throw the boxes so we wouldn't have to fold the shirts. They're probably still there. Ryan: Sounds like you were a great employee.

Shane: I started as Buzzfeed as an intern. Ryan had started a month or two before me. So we came up in the same intern class together.

Ryan: I did grip and electric work for two years, which is basically like lifting heavy gear essentially on set and I realized I didn't want to do that for ten years before I even had the chance to sniff a camera.

Ryan: I filmed powerpoints for doctors...I did feel like a prisoner at times when I was there, listening to a doctor from USC's Keck medical school talk about irritable bowel syndrome for two straight hours...I was a couple days away from joining the union...That was concurrent with the irritable bowel syndrome filmings.

Ryan: I chose the internship at Buzzfeed not knowing what it was, met the Shaniac over here, and then, um...we went through that program, which was kind of like the Hunger Games. We saw all of our fellow interns die. [...] We worked our way up, I eventually made Unsolved.I made unsolved actually with a different host, Brent Bennett. He left the show because he didn't like...I believe the quote was "I don't like these stories anymore." Shane: *dies laughing* Ryan: And I turned to my right and was like, "hey Shane, wanna do this instead?" and he was like "sure" and that's that. And from then on I guess we never looked back.

[Shane, how do you feel about being the second choice?] Shane: I'm fine with it. Really, there was so little fanfare to him asking me. Ryan: No ceremony at all. Shane: 'Cause we were just making stuff left and right at that point and series were not really an established thing at Buzzfeed [...] Even when Ryan had asked me "hey, would you like to be in this?" uh...I was like "yeah, lemme..." Ryan says I checked my calendar. Ryan: Yeah, Shane looked over at his google calendar, saw that next week was open, and was like "yeah, looks like I've got some time" and I was like "sweet, lock it in" and he was like "cool." And then we both put our headphones back on 'cause we sat next to each other at a desk and worked on other things and that was that.

[What is some of the silliest feedback you've gotten about your show?] Ryan: Luckily the fan base is pretty nice. There's plenty of fun, positive comments out there, however, this is one that tickled me the most. A guy somehow found my personal email address and emailed me to let me know. He's like "hey man, love the videos, excellent content to get stoned to. Keep it up, cheers!" I don't know who this man was.

Shane: I do have some hope that Bigfoot is real. A little unlikely. The other one I always root for is Champ in Lake Champlain. Ryan: I don't know why you have such an obsession with Champ. [...] Shane: Champ...there seems to be something fishy going on there. There's something going on in that lake. Ryan: Good pun Shane: Not even. There's something going on there and I've seen that lake and I've looked out at that lake and I've felt something inside me just looking out at it. Ryan: You sure it wasn't just IBS? Shane: We've established that you're the one with IBS Ryan: I'm not the one with IBS! Shane: You joined the union! Ryan: You were the one who almost pooed your pants on an investigation Shane: That's a different story! Ryan: You ate two hot dogs that were served at the baggage claim in Philadelphia Shane: We. Were. Hungry.

Ryan on Dyatlov Pass: I'm gonna double down here. I think it was a yeti. Or, not a yeti. I think it was an abdominal snowman. Shane: Abominable. 

[borderline unintelligible banter about an incredibly ripped yeti doing crunches]

Shane: I'm very content with the mysteries of the universe never being uncovered. It's fine. Ryan: It's frustrating. Shane: You're gonna go to the grave not knowing so many things, so you might as well just give up on them. Ryan: Such a nihilistic way to look at everything.

Shane: If you know anyone who's traveling and they're your enemy, you just call the FBI and say "oh, they're up to no good up there." Ryan: If Shane was flying somewhere I could just say "yeah, I think he's dangerous. I know him. He's the guy who couldn't fit a hat on his big head."

[interlude where they decide to name an anonymous suspect Shane Ryanson]

Shane: It would be funny if this was like the highest escalation of a prank war between two friends Ryan: That'd be a hilarious prank, getting someone thrown into federal prison. Super funny. Gotcha!

Shane: If you're the kind of person who is likely to call in a threat to the FBI solely as a way to get a dig in at your friend, that probably stays with you for life. That's pretty hard-coded into who you are. Ryan: That's true. Especially when you look like an out of work Batman villain [...] If this dude walked into a 7-11, I would drop my Slurpee immediately and run to my car. He's a scary man. I'm out. Slurpee's on the floor.

Shane: I'll tell you this in defense of dolphins, they do have funny little smiles.

Shane, on breaking into Sea World: That seems like an extremely Australian thing to do.

Shane, googling fairy penguins: Yes, it's a wonderful little penguin! He's so small! Ryan: This is great, this is like a dark gritty reboot of Mr. Popper's Penguins.

Shane: Just...to meet someone, get along so well that you each drink a half a liter of vodka together and then go swimming with dolphins and blast some sharks with a fire extinguisher Ryan: ...and then decide, let's top off the night by bringing home a fuzzy little friend Shane: I mean, by that point you've got a winning streak going. You're like, "yeah, we didn't get eaten by sharks! we did swim with the dolphins! Of course we'll steal a penguin!”

Ryan: I bet the penguin actually helped the hangover, to be fair. If I was hungover, I normally just see my blinds shuttered in my room, my shoes are somewhere in the house, but if I found a penguin I'd be like "okay, maybe this isn't so bad." Shane: A rehabilitation penguin. He just hopes on your bed in the morning. Ryan: Just starts smacking me in the face with his little fins. It's great, I love it.

Shane: I think she shouldn't have killed her husband. Have a little faith in his worm farm.

[itakesurveys]

Survey 334

What is/are your favorite song(s) at the moment? Busta Rhymes - Qveen Herby 

If you could travel to one country, where would you go? Canada to see a friend. 

Why would you go there? ^ ^^^ 

What is one of your goals in life? to on my own business. maybe a store. 

Opinion time, what are your favorite names, boy & girl, for a kid? Logan & Aubrey. 

Do you enjoy airplanes? never been on one. 

What is your opinion on the war that’s STILL going on? que eye roll. 

What is the most ghetto fabulous cellphone you’ve had? blue razor. 

What makes you happier then anything? good music & food. & SLEEEP. 

Do you see your family often? a lot more before covid19. 

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? probably like 256? 

Imagine you’re at the Eiffel tower.. stairs or lift to the top? i’ll stay home lol. i’m good. 

What is your strangest fear? hmmmm... good question. strangers/home invasion. 

If there was a hermit crab under your elbow.. what would you do? put it in a cage & name him herald. 

Do scary movies phase you at all? nah, only the realistic ones.. like TAKEN. 

Can you pat your belly and rub your head? nah. 

Did you just attempt it.. to prove it to me? no. 

One wish, what is it? financial security for myself & immediate family. 

Do you hate it when preteens think their in ‘love’? nah, everyone should feel happiness & love & enjoy it when you have it. 

Shane Dawson : Funny or annoying? no comment. 

Who was the last person you talked to? boyfriend. 

What is the most exotic food you’ve eaten? hmmm... fried octopus. 

Describe your daily outfit.. jeans, whatever shirt is near by & a baseball hat. (straight guy vibes LOL) 

Do you think summer relationships are overrated? sure. 

Would you rather text or call? neither. 

What is the funniest YouTube video you know? omg. no idea. probably one of those “videos i watch at 3am compilations” 

Would you like this survey to end? nah. another coming.. 

[bionic-beth] 

[lovemesomesurveys]

[found at: danceislove2409]

What is/are your favorite song(s) at the moment? I don’t have a specific current favorite at the moment. I haven’t really been listening to music much lately.

If you could travel to one country, where would you go? England. I’ve been watching a vlogger who’s been spending the past month there and rented out a really, really cute cottage and it just looks so cozy and peaceful.

Why would you go there? ^ Oh ^^^

What is one of your goals in life? I’d like to get my shit together one day...

Opinion time, what are your favorite names, boy & girl, for a kid? Alexander and Autumn.

Do you enjoy airplanes? I enjoy the quicker travel time. What is your opinion on the war that's STILL going on?

What is the most ghetto fabulous cellphone you've had? Uhh. I don’t know, but remember the razor phones? I had the pink one and it was so cool at the time.

Do you see your family often? I see my immediate family everyday/all the time since we live together. I haven’t seen any extended family since last February. :O

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? For me it took a lot cause I was never one who could just bite into it. 

Imagine you're at the Eiffel tower.. stairs or lift to the top? I’d have to take an elevator. 

What is your strangest fear? Probably killer whales.

If there was a hermit crab under your elbow.. what would you do? Wtf, I’d jump up real fast and get the hell away from it. I’d be freaking out. I mean, I know I myself have become a hermit crab, but uh...

Do scary movies phase you at all? No, not anymore. I love ‘em now.

Can you pat your belly and rub your head? No..

Did you just attempt it.. to prove it to me? No, I already know I can’t do it.

One wish, what is it? Good health.

Do you hate it when preteens think their in 'love'? No, I don’t hate it?

Shane Dawson : Funny or annoying? Well, I enjoyed watching him but unfortunately he was involved in a lot of drama last year and people really dragged him for it. It was crazy cause he used to be so well liked.

Who was the last person you talked to? My mom and brother.

What is the most exotic food you've eaten? I don’t eat any exotic foods, at least not in my opinion...I don’t have a very adventurous palate. <<<

Describe your daily outfit.. Leggings and oversized graphic tees.

Do you think summer relationships are overrated? I wouldn’t say that. I’m not interested in a fling at this point in my life, though. I’m almost 32 years old and if I get in a relationship, I want it to be a serious and committed one.

Would you rather text or call? Text, definitely. I don’t like talking on the phone.

What is the funniest YouTube video you know? I don’t know. I don’t watch the funny YouTube really, I’m into ASMR, vlogs, and lifestyle videos. The people I’m subscribed to can be funny, though. I don’t watch videos of like people falling or something stupid like that lol.

Would you like this survey to end? Seems you decided to end it so I have no choice.

[stardew-imagines-me]

How are Elliot, Harvey and Shane when they're drunk? Elliot drinks a ton of Pumpkin Ale on spirits eve and that would a funny sight to see!

Elliot

• If you think Elliot is a clingy, romance nerd sober, then just wait when he’s drunk and hanging onto any and every part of your body

• He doesn’t drink often, but when he does, it’s usually during spirits eve when the only way he can cope with all the scary stuff is being buzzed and jumpy

• He’ll insist on going through the scary maze, even when you explain how he goes every year and gets scared at all the same things anyway

- he begs you with puppy eyes, many kisses to your face and a lot of pet names until you eventually give in and take his hand

• yeah, he screamed the whole time and ended the maze crying and clinging to your arm. It’s always so funny to see him this way, knowing full well he’ll be very embarrassed the next morning

- you’ll have to calm him down with back rubs, neck kisses and poems about crabs

• although Elliot loses his usual charm while drunk, he brings in a whole new one filled with too many silly pickup lines and childlike wonder

Harvey

• you’ve seen Harvey drunk a handful of times, but always enjoy when he is. He’s laid back and very, VERY giggly

- anything you say, even if it’s just a sneeze will end up with him clutching his stomach and all but sobbing because it was the funniest thing ever

• he’s a lightweight drunk, and knows full well that a beer and a half will get him wasted. That’s why he avoids it, but you know it relaxes him sometimes from the stress of his job

• it’s cute the way he giggles while drunk, because he won’t cover his mouth when smiling and allows his nose to scrunch up and snort, allows his glasses to angle crookedly and his hair a little messy

Shane

• Shane is a clingy drunk as well. Usually, he drinks when he’s sad, and although it’s a habit your helping him break, there are always relapses

• when he gets upset, he’ll curl up in bed silently until you find him or someone else does. He’ll just lay there, drinking, dozing and wondering

- the best thing to do during these times is take away the alcohol, get him some water and spoon him until he tension fades

• he usually turn around, and bury his head in your chest, letting it be known he isn’t alone anymore, he’s got you

- you’ll rub his back and let him fall asleep before situating yourself probably against him and falling asleep with him

- you’ll stay next to him until morning, when he wakes up in your arms to completely cement the fact he isn’t going to face his issues by himself

[hazyheel]

WWE Smackdown Live 9/17/19 Review

Despite the fact that this wasn’t the strongest episode in the world, I actually liked it a lot. The segments that bookended the show were both pretty strong, and we saw a huuuuuuge announcement for the upcoming debut on Fox. Big stuff happened here, and the matches were pretty good. Unfortunately, it was dragged down by some stinkers. Just a few, but boy were they bad. Here is my full review of this weeks edition of Smackdown Live!

New Day vs. The Revival & Randy Orton: Holy crap, we started with a match! Wild, it feels weird but good. Big E started out with Dash Wilder, and immediately started to beat down the heel with clubbing blows to the chest and a splash on the apron for a near fall. Kofi was tagged in, and after some swift bending the rules, the heels took control and beat him down a bit. However, the New Day hit some of their tag team offense on Orton, with Woods and Big E taking down the Revival. During the commercial, The Revival isolated Woods and started to work over his knee. At one point, Woods tried to hit his slingshot DDT, but Wilder caught him and tossed him out over the top rope, which Orton followed up by back body dropping him on the announce table. We went to commercial again, and Kingston received a hot tag as we came back. He Took down everyone, before giving Orton an SOS for a near fall. On the outside, Big E flattened Dawson with a lariat, while Wilder nailed Big E with a tornado DDT and then swept Woods’ leg, only to eat a dropkick from Kingston. He went for a suicide dive, but Orton intercepted him and gave him a hangman’s DDT. The heels then went for the RKO machine, but Big E pulled Orton out and pushed him into the post. Woods then took out Wilder with a Limit Breaker, and Kingston pinned Dawson after a Trouble in Paradise.

As the New Day celebrated, Brock Lesnar showed up! Things were very intense, but the crowd didn’t pop big. Lesnar and Kingston stared each other down, and Kingston told Woods and Big E to leave. Heyman then got on the mic, and said that Lesnar wanted to challenge for the WWE Championship, and they booked it for the Friday Night Smackdown premier rather than for a pay per view. Kingston accepted, and Lesnar gave him an F5, which was sold beautifully. 

Grade: B+. The match was good, some fun action to open up the show. Love to see this show open up like that. Plus it was a pretty decisive victory, and feels like the feud is probably over. I was only going to give this a B, but I was really excited for the challenge from Brock Lesnar, although the crowd gave 0 craps. I think it was really fun, and is a huge main event for the first Fox show. Very good opening this week. 

Sasha Banks & Bayley Interview: Banks responded to Becky Lynch’s challenge inside Hell in a Cell.  Then Baylyey hopped in and said that although Banks was fighting Charlotte tonight, she didn’t want to talk about it. This promo was weird and kinda overdone. It was odd, just odd. 

Erick Rowan Sit Down interview: They gave Rowan his first name again! Fun. Michael Cole conducted the interview. He asked about Luke Harper, which Rowan responded to by saying if he wanted to know his story, talk to him. Then Cole asked about the attacks on Reigns, to which Rowan said he wanted to scare him. Cole loudly exclaimed “You tried to kill him!” And Rowan told him to watch his tone. Rowan then said that he was sick of being disrespected, so he took the chance he needed. Cole asked about why Rowan betrayed Daniel Bryan, and Rowan said that Bryan disrespected him. This was short, and all I could think about was how Cole was asking super biased questions. I know journalism, and this was bad journalism. 

Ali vs. Shinsuke Nakamura: Before the match, Sami Zayn demanded respect for him, since he is in a lot of pain. He hyped up Nakamura, and introduced him. He then told Ali that although he beat Nakamura a few weeks ago, he’d lose here. Ali was very nervous as Nakamura and Zayn surrounded him. Ali attacked Nakamura first, but Zayn held his leg and allowed Nakamura to attack him. Nakamura took Ali out with a Kinshasa. The match did not start. 

Grade: B. Fun little fight to get Nakamura over a bit. He and Zayn are fun together. This was effective and short, very efficient. I liked it, But it sucks that Ali had to be sacrificed here. 

Shane McMahon backstage: Owens walked into the building, took a seat in the audience. Shane was going to take care of it, but one of Owens’ lawyers served him. Huh, alright. 

Shane McMahon promo: Shane came out wth a whole bunch of security guards, and the papers. Shane told Owens to get in the ring and tried to settle it there. So Owens walked to the ring, but security stood between him and Shane. I guess the lawsuit was wrongful termination, worth 25 million. Shane called the case weak, but Owens said that it was strong. Owens pointed out that when he was fined for attacking a referee (Elias), but Shane didn’t fine himself when he attacked Owens’ last week, while he was the ref. He then said that even with the ref in his corner, Shane couldn’t win, and tapped out. So now, Owens just wants to hurt him, and wants to hit him in the wallet. He also said that part of the suit was that if he wins, he will be able to fire Shane. Then Owens walked out as Shane looked at the suit. 

Grade: C-. Why is Owens supposed to be badass, and yet he solves his problems with lawsuits? If he was a tough as nails son of a bitch, like Steve Austin who they are desperately trying to model him after, he would’ve walked right through security and beat Shane’s ass. A lawsuit isn’t awesome or exciting. But given that I enjoy soap opera stuff, I can’t bring myself to give it lower that C-. I think this is damaging to the badass Owens, but I’m kinda intrigued. This could be an interesting storyline, but I doubt anyone else will agree. 

Charlotte Flair vs. Sasha Banks: Some guy come out, who I guess was a rapper. I think he is the Ric Flair drip guy? Maybe? I dunno. He just brought out Charlotte, and then fist bumped her. Bayley came out with Banks, and actually helped distract Charlotte and gave Banks control early on. When we came back from commercial break, Charlotte started to fight back with a series of kicks and chops to banks, finishing with a fall away slam. The two continued to fight, and Flair locked in a Boston Crab, but Banks pulled her into a rollup for a near fall. Charlotte then put Banks on the apron and kicked Banks to the outside. She then climbed to the rope and nailed both Banks and Bayley with a moonsault. She tried to capitalize, but Bayley held her foot, which got Banks a rollup for a near fall. Banks then tried for another, but Charlotte rolled through and went for the Figure Four, but Bayley ran in to attack for the DQ. 

Bayley and Banks continued to beat up Flair, but Carmella showed up and superkicked Bayley, who looked shock. Flair got the last hit in on her, and the faces stood tall. 

Grade: B. Another pretty good match, but I bumped it up just a bit into a B because of them establishing Bayley’s next challenger. Carmella makes sense considering how much the fans like her after the R-Truth stuff, but that doesn’t mean the match will be great. We will have to see about that. But I think that Charlotte should’ve lost here, just to give Banks some momentum. People need to get wins to get over, and Banks could use a real win. 

Baron Corbin Coronation: He put on the whole getup as Corey Graves raved about him on commentary. Corbin then got on the mic and put himself order. Then he brought out Chad Gable, and made some short jokes. Corbin said that he was just like the fans, because he will always come up short. Gable then slammed him through the throne and beat him with the scepter. Gable then ripped up the cloak and smashed the crown. 

Grade: D+. I really wanted to like this more, but I am worried about what destroying all the props means. They may just ditch the king gimmick this time around, and that would suck. I also hated the short jokes, those are stupid. I’m fine with these two feuding, and I’m fine with the one short joke where he “dreams big but comes up short,” but the rest of it was bad. I really hope that King Corbin is still a thing, because that’d be a waste of a tournament. 

The B-team vs. Heavy Machinery: Tucker and Curtis Axel started things off. Tucker just tossed Axel around for a bit, and the B-Team (who I think are heel now?) double teamed him a bit and tried to keep him on the mat. Knight got the hot tag after rolling over Bo Dallas’ back and delivering a huge lariat. Otis then got hot tag, and he was in trunks, which looked very.... different. He beat up Dallas a bit and they hit the compactor for the win.

Grade: C+. Squash-o-roony.

Daniel Bryan Promo: He quickly crapped on the fans for accusing him of attacking Roman Reigns. He said that he still didn’t attack him, and declared himself exonerated. Then he said that he saw Rowan and realized that he had talent and took him under his wing as Tag Team Champions. He saw Rowan as his equal (yikes) and treated him as a friend. Rowan then came out, no Luke Harper in sight, with a mic. He said that he never felt like an equal, he felt like a puppet. Bryan never asked what he felt about things, and said he wouldn’t be disrespected. Bryan then told him to do something about it, because he already destroyed their friendship, and he couldn’t do anything worse. So, Harper ran in from behind and they kicked Bryan’s ass a bit, but then Roman walked down as Bryan was hit with an Iron claw. He dodged Harper and gave Rowan a superman punch and beat him down, but Harper quickly got ahold of him and they beat Reigns up together. They double powerbombed him into the post, and tore up the padding to expose the concrete. Security tried to stop them, but Harper kicked their asses. Then Rowan grabbed a section of the barricade and nailed Reigns with it, before clearing the announce table and giving Bryan a double high cross through it. The heels stood tall as they closed out the show.

Grade: B+. This was a fun segment that was pretty exciting, and seems to show where things will go from here. This is almost a Daniel Bryan face turn, but I don’t think he has fully turned face just yet. He is gonna probably be kinda heel until he and Reigns have a tag match against Rowan and Harper. This was a really fun segment, and I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes. Highlight of the night. 

Overall Grade: C+

Pros: 6-man tag; Nakamura beat down; charlotte vs. Banks; ending beatdown

Cons: lawsuit angle; coronation

[fanficsordie]

The Hotdaga (Shane Madej)

Summary: Shane asks the reader for help coming up with ideas for The Hotdaga.

Pairing: Shane Madej x Reader

Word Count: 546 (sorry it’s kind of a short one)

Warnings: Language and Hotdaga season 1 spoilers xD

Request:  “ request for hey there demons its me ya boi aka shane madej,,, can you maybe do one where reader and shanes relationship is established and reader helps shane come up with ideas for the hotdaga??”

A/N: Okay, so I had a little trouble with this, and I hope it turned out okay. Umm, yeah, to the person who requested: I hope you enjoy it! To the people who have already requested: We are working on them and are going to get them up as soon as we possibly can. To everyone: A quick reminder that requests are still open!

-S

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------“You want my help…. In work shopping your ideas for this hot dog animation series thing…. The series you created to fuck with Ryan?” You raised your eyebrows, making sure it was in fact what he was asking of you and to show him how ridiculous the whole thing sounded.

“Yeah.” Shane didn’t seem to be bothered by the elaborate description of his request, but then again why would he be? He realized it was ridiculous, almost as ridiculous as going to all these different places to try and prove the existence of ghosts. “I mean, he loves it, I was ready to end it and he wanted to keep it going!”

“Fair enough… you did plan on ending it at the crab joust. At this point Ryan should know that you’re gonna take a mile if he gives you an inch.” You teased the man, while scrolling through facebook on your phone. You two were generally pretty good about setting time aside for yourselves that didn’t involve being distracted by technology, but considering he was asking you to help him come up with an elaborate plot line for a series about 4 hot dogs, you felt it was safe to mindlessly scroll.

“I resent that…. But now the story can never end.”

You looked up from the screen of your phone, “Never end?”

“It can never end….” Shane added dramatically….

Lord, these two should’ve been brothers. The way they loved to torment each other was a little much, but you were a supportive partner. You put your phone down and headed to grab a notebook and pen. Once that was placed on the coffee table you also grabbed a bottle of wine and juggled two glasses in one hand, “If it can never end, then it’s gonna be a long night. We’re gonna need some pretty ridiculous ideas if you’re going to drive Ryan completely crazy.”

“Yes, I love this energy! Gettin’ a little tipsy to get the creative juices flowing… Oh! Let’s postmates some food and get this party started.” Shane winked. It was pretty humorous, because this night was definitely not going to end in anything wink worthy.

About an hour later, the two of you were sprawled on the couch, clad in pajamas and 2 glasses each into a bottle of pink moscato. There was way too much takeout in front of you and you switched from eating the junk food and grabbing the notebook to jot down utter nonsense. “We have our origin story for Rebecca and Dan...now let’s origin story the crabs!”

Shane’s eyes grew wide as he put down his fork and started to scribble down on the piece of paper. Between the alcohol and excitement, his handwriting wasn’t the neatest, but as long as it was legible tomorrow, it would be fine. “The crabs can be siblings!... Umm, let's call them, Murray and… Gina?”

“Love it! Can their father have a beard?” Shane raised his eyebrow momentarily, clearly not seeing your vision for facial hair on a crab. “Just picture it, okay? Like, I think it’ll give some personality to papa crab here.”

Shane nodded before returning to your notes, finally seeing your vision. “We’ll also give him like a hat… I don’t know what kind, whatever is easiest to do.”

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

184 of 2022

What is/are your favorite song(s) at the moment?

Lange Frans & Baas B - Kamervragen, Monuments - Origin of Escape, Tourist LeMC - We Begrijpen Mekaar, Allt - Rupture, Kartky - Nagano 98, Wisniv - Prad, Baas B - Het Is Wat Het Is, Kukon - Hard Flex Drive, Periphery - MK Ultra, Returning We Hear the Larks - Thousand-Arms Fortress, HRFTR - The Calling, 't Hof van Commerce - Stuntman.

If you could travel to one country, where would you go?

The Netherlands.

Why would you go there? ^

I’d smoke all the weed. And hang out with Dutch guys.

What is one of your goals in life?

To get back to health.

Opinion time, what are your favorite names, boy & girl, for a kid?

Joris & Laura, not like I want any kids.

Do you enjoy airplanes?

I love watching them, but I’d never fly in any.

What is your opinion on the war that’s STILL going on?

All wars are evil.

What is the most ghetto fabulous cellphone you’ve had?

This one I have now.

What makes you happier then anything?

Seeing my hand progressing, and this guy I like.

Do you see your family often?

No, I don’t. We live across the Europe.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

WTF is a tootsie pop?

Imagine you’re at the Eiffel tower.. stairs or lift to the top?

Lift, I think. Stairs are tiring.

What is your strangest fear?

Failure.

If there was a hermit crab under your elbow.. what would you do?

Keep it as a pet, so cute.

Do scary movies phase you at all?

Movies are boring for me, and scary movies are cringeworthy in addition.

Can you pat your belly and rub your head?

Like, coordination? I suck at this.

Did you just attempt it.. to prove it to me?

I didn’t.

One wish, what is it?

This man I like to be my friend.

Do you hate it when preteens think their in ‘love’?

I couldn’t care less, I don’t live the lives of others.

Shane Dawson : Funny or annoying?

Who the hell is that even?

Who was the last person you talked to?

My husband, from the morning.

What is the most exotic food you’ve eaten?

Squid, I think.

Describe your daily outfit..

Hoodie or t-shirt, wide leg pants or cargos, combat boots or Converse-type shoes. Typically all black and with custom prints. I typically look like I can’t decide if I like hip hop or metal more.

Do you think summer relationships are overrated?

Wait, is there such a thing? I’m so outdated with all that love stuff.

Would you rather text or call?

Text, but it’s hard for me as well.

What is the funniest YouTube video you know?

Djent scene in 5 minutes. So hilarious, but also kinda true.

Would you like this survey to end?

I don’t mind.

[bionic-beth]

[survey--s]

272.

What is/are your favourite song(s) at the moment? Grace by Supergrass.

If you could travel to one country, where would you go? Japan, Iceland, New Zealand.

Why would you go there? Japan - because the culture is so different and I’d love to see the cherry blossoms and Mount Fuji. Iceland - to see the Northern Lights and go husky sledding. New Zealand - to see the LOTR movie set and just visit the country in general.

What is one of your goals in life? Travel and visit every continent on the planet.

Opinion time, what are your favourite names, boy & girl, for a kid? Harrison for a boy, Catelyn for a girl.

Do you enjoy airplanes? Not really. I used to love flying as a kid, but now it’s just an expensive and time-consuming way of getting from A to B.

What is your opinion on the war that’s STILL going on? The war in Ukraine is all kinds of fucked up.

What is the most ghetto fabulous cellphone you’ve had? My pink Razr flip-phone, lol.

What makes you happier than anything else? My dog and my animals, food, my husband, sleep and travelling.

Do you see your family often? I see my in-laws most days and my mum most weeks. I haven’t seen my dad for about 18 months, and my extended family - not for about three years or more, depending on which family member we’re talking about.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? We don’t have those over here.

Imagine you’re at the Eiffel tower.. stairs or lift to the top? I’ve been and I think we took the lift - it was years ago though so I don’t really remember for sure.

What is your strangest fear? Getting dementia, which is odd as there’s nothing to be done about it either way.

If there was a hermit crab under your elbow.. what would you do? I mean, crabs are cute but I’d be wondering why there was one in my house.

Do scary movies phase you at all? They don’t scare me, but I don’t really like them either.

Can you pat your belly and rub your head? I can. I remember having to do that a lot in primary school for some reason.

Did you just attempt it.. to prove it to me? Lol, no.

One wish, what is it? To never have to worry about money or my health ever again.

Do you hate it when preteens think they’re in ‘love’? No. We were all young once.

Shane Dawson : Funny or annoying? I have absolutely no idea who that is.

Who was the last person you talked to? In person? My father-in-law.

What is the most exotic food you’ve eaten? Zebra.

Describe your daily outfit: Black leggings, a top/tunic dress and a jumper/cardigan or hoody.

Do you think summer relationships are overrated? No.

Would you rather text or call? Generally I’d rather text people.

What is the funniest YouTube video you know? Anything that involves animals being silly.

Would you like this survey to end? I mean, it’s ending anyway so I don’t have much say in the matter, lol. I’ll be taking a new one after this anyway.

[chill-that-ur-inmyhead]

What is/are your favourite song(s) at the moment? It will always be Taylor Swift and right now I am loving The Last Great American Dynasty.

If you could travel to one country, where would you go? Italy

Why would you go there? ^ Food, sights and culture

What is one of your goals in life? I want to visit each continent. Antarctica is going to be an experience.

Opinion time, what are your favourite names, boy & girl, for a kid? I have a whole list but for now:

Boy: Christopher

Girl: Spencer

Do you enjoy airplanes? I like seeing them in the distance, it gives me an excited feeling of travel and visiting new, exciting destinations. However, I am afraid of flying unfortunately. 

What is your opinion on the war that’s STILL going on? I wonder if this question was meant for the war in Ukraine. It is awful that we are still having wars. 

What is the most ghetto fabulous cellphone you’ve had? OH WOW. My purple blackberry. I loved it at the time.

What makes you happier than anything else? The thought that there will be a time when I’ll live in the city and my friends will be there too.  

Do you see your family often? Yes, I live with my mother but father and brother live separately. So we see them maybe once a month but talk everyday. 

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? No idea.

Imagine you’re at the Eiffel tower.. stairs or lift to the top? I’ve done the queue for the lift and the stairs down but it was incredibly windy and I’ve never felt so scared.

What is your strangest fear? Flying... only strange because none of my friends are fearful like I am. it’s strange that they’re not.

If there was a hermit crab under your elbow.. what would you do? FREAK. Crabs are pretty much the spiders of the ocean.

Do scary movies phase you at all? YES.

Can you pat your belly and rub your head? Nope

Did you just attempt it.. to prove it to me? Nope

One wish, what is it? To be fluent in literally every single language.

Do you hate it when preteens think they’re in ‘love’? Nah they’ll learn.

Shane Dawson : Funny or annoying? Idk

Who was the last person you talked to? Madre

What is the most exotic food you’ve eaten? Octupus

Describe your daily outfit.. Black leggings, loose top and jacket

Do you think summer relationships are overrated? nope

Would you rather text or call? depends who it is but I like to voice note my closest friends.

What is the funniest YouTube video you know? Cody Ko and Noel Miller reacting to someone yelling sugar gay at Mark Mcgrath. Funniest vid ever and the jokes the two guys tell it gets me every time.

Would you like this survey to end?

I’ll just be starting another one haha

[buzzfeedwheeze]

The New Teacher - Shyan fanfic

Ugh

Sorry it took me so long to post the new chapter. I didn't know what to do with the fic (I blame the new Star Wars movie and the WiFi at my beach house), but I think I found my way again!

Hope you enjoy.

You can find it at AO3

Two months passed really fast and Shane got into a new routine. One that he actually enjoyed. Apart from having to give his son up two weeks a month, he was actually quite content. He would wake up earlier than what he used to, just so that he could have breakfast with his kid, generally milk and cereal because it was the fastest option and they were both lazy suckers. Then Shane would drop Andrew at school, go to work, banter with Ryan Bergara on Twitter and sometimes prepare a nice meal for Andrew and his boyfriend Steven. Yeah, somehow the new teacher became a part of his life, whether it was a conscious or unconscious decision of his. Usually at the lunch break he would find himself engaging of multiple discussions with Bergara about aliens, ghosts, movies and one time they even had a passionate debate about popcorn.

After one week of smiling like a teen after he received a new notification of @ryansbergara, he was forced to admit that there was more than simply bantering going on. Their fights didn’t feel real, or maybe they never were. When he took Andrew to school or went to pick him up he would wait to see Bergara arrive and then would tease him on twitter about how he looked ridiculous with his weird love for yellow clothes, especially one vest that he wore a lot. Ryan would always reply with a “stalker :)” and Shane would grin from ear to ear.

Now, he found it kind of hard to look at the man, that being the reason why he adopted the method of avoiding at all costs to get out the car near school grounds. Andrew reacted to this novelty with curiosity at first but now all he did was smirk when he got to the car, always making sure to mention the damn teacher. But although he wanted to avoid Bergara he couldn’t help but show up at the exact time he knew the teacher was about to arrive at school. He didn’t want to confront his feelings, but hey, he could still appreciate a nice body, with a great face, fantastic humor, amazing knowledge, sweet eyes... Ryan Bergara was the closest thing, for Shane, to proof of the existence of supernatural beings. Of course, he had flaws, Shane knew there was no such thing as perfection, but that man was pretty damn close to it.

But today was saturday.

Meaning no Bergara and no need to confront what was going on between them. The only thing planned for the day was a draft of a new cartoon he had to present for his superior on Monday and a dinner at the new restaurant that opened near his apartment. He was going to take Andrew and Steven and they were going to order enough food to make themselves ashamed on the next day.

A great plan. He had a cocky smile in place as he skimmed through the newspaper.

“Why are you smiling like that?” he looked up to find a very sleepy Andrew exiting his room. “It’s kinda creepy since you’re reading the Sports” the boy then rubbed his eyes.

Shane rolled his eyes. “Keep that attitude young boy and you won’t be having any pancakes today”

Andrew frowned. “You wouldn’t dare…” then his dad wiggled one eyebrow. “YOU WOULD! YOU SICK BASTARD!” Such a drama queen… I taught him so well. Shane smiled fondly as his son threw his hands in the air as he grunted on his way to the kitchen.

Shane got up quickly and took over his position on the stove. Andrew had already set up the table and was now resting his face on his hands as he watched his dad. Shane prepared the dough and after a few minutes, full of flips and a lot of cursing, the pancakes were ready.  Before placing them on the table he turned to Andrew.“Want me to cut them on Disney characters shapes?”

“What is the point of eating pancakes if they are not Disney themed pancakes?” he raised an eyebrow.

Shane had to blink a few times because he wasn’t seeing big grown up Andrew, there, right in front of him, was little Andrew with chubby cheeks and small hands. He quickly turned and focused on the task of cutting the pancakes into various shapes to make Andrew’s new favorite character from ‘Disney’. The sound of nervous fingers tapping on a screen and the rhythmically sound of the knife hitting the board helped Shane concentrate and suppress the treacherous tears. It was hard to get around the idea of Andrew no longer being his little boy. I’m becoming one of those dads.

Soon he placed an almost perfect, considering that it was made with pancake, BB-8 right in front of his son. Andrew gasped and stared at the plate he like used to do when he was a kid. “I was going to do a Kylo Ren. But since you are probably going to post it on Instagram, and I know you are not ready to share your obsession with Kylo, I thought it was better to play it safe. A good ol’ bot for ya.”

Andrew reached over the table and hugged his dad. “You are the best”. He snapped a photo and munched on his BB unit quite happily. Shane just ate his regular stacked pancakes but his heart was so warn that he felt like they were made of pure gold.

They ate in silence and after breakfast Andrew washed the dishes and left to meet Steven and head out to Matt’s place. Some other friends were going to be there as well, their friend Adam, Ashley and a girl called Jen. Apparently they were going to have a Harry Potter marathon and survive out of popcorn the whole day. They were living the dream. Shane tried to tag along and Andrew said that even though he was cool there was no chance he was going since he had a project to begin. Boo hoo adult life sucks.

Shane got all his stuff and found a comfortable spot on their dining table. Put on his ‘Thinking Cap ON” playlist and started to take notes of some ideas he had on the past few days. But as he jotted them down he felt like they weren’t exactly very creative or even original. No one would ever bother to invest on a cartoon like that. So he decided to start by designing the main character. It wasn’t how he normally worked but he had a deadline and he needed to present something to his boss. Anything. He opened his memos and found some notes from the briefing he had had last week about the new cartoon. The notes were kind of confusing but at least he managed to get some of the things his boss wanted.

“Supernatural. Two main characters. Diversity. Funny. Not too scary. A bit of sarcasm.” Shane wanted to throw his phone on the street so a car could smash it. “I’m so fucked right now.”

The hours flew by like minutes and he only had the sketches of the main characters done. He opted for two girls. One was blond with a big nose and thick glasses. He decided that she was going to be a bucket full of sarcasm and bad jokes. The other one was smaller, a mix of Asia and Latin America on her features. He didn’t know what to do with her. He stared at the page in front of him and tried to see what was behind those big beady eyes he drew. Maybe she was going to be more like a sidekick, always scared and hiding. Shane was about to to write that, but something stopped him. That wasn’t right. There was more to those characters and without a plot he couldn’t fully comprehend them. Especially the tiny girl. Shane shut the sketch book and decided to prepare his lunch.

After having lunch, Shane did no progress at all. All he had was two sketched and barely filled profile about the characters. He had longed abandoned the notion of having a plot or even having ideas for one. So until Andrew and Steven called for him to go pick them up, all he did was complain, play Disney Crossy Road and watch old episodes of Brooklyn Nine Nine on TV. Their call would be a true blessing. He would finally be free of his responsibility and be able to go out and enjoy his weekend. Or at least his saturday night since he needed the damn project ready.

Then as if by magic his phone screen lit up. Shane turned his attention from the TV to the now vibrating phone. It wasn’t a phone call but a series of text messages from Andrew asking his dad if it was ok to pick them up an hour earlier and that he didn’t want to disturb him now that he was focused on a new project. Shane replied quickly with ‘im already on the car’ and a ‘FREEDOM’ followed by a series of gifs to illustrate his state of mind. He got up, collected the car keys and soon he was driving on his way to Matt’s house.

The traffic wasn’t that bad so he managed to arrive in less than 15 minutes at the fancy neighborhood that Andrew’s friend lived. The house was at the end of Capt. Hugo Vega Street, it was a huge modern mansion that even had some bushes cut in the shape of animals. There was a fucking crab and a flamingo, for fucks sake. Shane pulled over in front of the house and was about to honk when he saw that Andrew was waiting outside. He waved at him and watched as he began to tow Steven by his hand. Andrew sat by his side while Steven took the backseat. Shane watched through the mirror Steven laying down on the seat and chuckled. “So how wa...”

“Dad please drive!” Andrew interrupted him. “If we stay here longer I might have to go inside and kill Matt with my bare hands. Do you want me to go to jail?!” he looked exhausted.

“Let me guess.”

“You wouldn’t be able…”

“Matt’s idea of eating solemnly popcorn was a disaster and you had to deal with a very hungry Steven Lim complaining.” Andrew gasped and stared at him with wide eyes. “I had to travel with you two to a festival when you were little and I know some things don’t change.” with that he drove to the restaurant as fast as he was allowed to.

Steven practically ran inside the place when he smelled the aroma of hot meals being served. They checked their reservation and, thank god, got a great table. Soon a waiter with a fake smile kept on for pure obligation asked for their orders. Eyeing the kids barely keeping it together, staring at the basket of bread as if it was some sort of rare item, Shane picked up the menu and ordered an absurd amount of food. Lots of chicken wings dipped on spicy sauce, french fries with olive oil and herbs, one small pepperoni pizza, medium portion of quesadilla and a basket with a mix of different nacho flavors. It will do. When he finished listing almost all of the items on the menu one very scared, or maybe impressed, waiter left to go deliver his order to the kitchen.

“Food will get here soon, kids, don’t worry.” he looked at them reassuringly.

Steven looked up and his tired expression was replaced by a huge smile, which left Shane feeling pretty smug. He was capable of making those kids feel the joy of life again. Then he noticed Steven poking Andrew on the forehead, which only made the other one glare at him. But it was all he need, pointing at something behind them he whispered something for Andrew. Andrew perked up on his seat and managed a small smile when he saw whatever Steven asked him to look. Shane couldn’t hear what they were saying so he turned to look for whatever got them all so happy. You gotta be fucking kidding me.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” Ryan Bergara was there at the hall gesticulating like a maniac while talking with the maître. Shane of course still felt the urge to fight Bergara, but watching the other man arguing with someone, that wasn’t him, made some weird protection instinct kick in. It was almost like it was his duty to protect Ryan Bergara from all evil in the world. I’m so pathetic.

Deciding to ignore the situation was the best option for him, so he turned to look at the boys and noticed that Andrew wasn’t at his place anymore. Steven just shrugged and nodded his head in the direction of the teacher. I raised a snake. Shane thought bitterly as he watched Andrew talking with his teacher at the hall. Bergara was blushing and Andrew looked at him with one of his, perfected through the years, puppy eyes look and Shane rolled his eyes. Surely he was inviting Bergara to sit with them. There was one spare chair and Shane considered throwing it across the room for a second or maybe throwing himself across the room. Lost on his thoughts and still watching the chair squinting his eyes, Shane didn’t notice when Andrew got back to the table with the teacher.

“Hi, Shane… I mean Mr. Madej.” Bergara was blushing and stuttering and all of his previous thoughts of destroying the chair vanished. Boy, he was a handsome man.

“Hi. You can call me Shane Madej.” Stupid mouth. “I mean, Shane. Call me Shane” Shane got up awkwardly, bumping on the table and almost knocking down everything. He shaked Bergara’s extended hand vigorously. Then Shane helped Ryan sit, which obviously made things worse. Internally he was a mess, an eternal replay on his mind of Gordon Ramsay calling him an idiot sandwich.

Steven and Andrew were sat on VIP places to watch the show unroll in front of them. They kept snickering and whispering thing to each other, which left Shane no option but to make small talk with Ryan Fucking Bergara as they waited for the food. When the meal arrived he kicked Andrew on his shins and got the boys to talk with the teacher, who seemed to relax and appreciate better his meal.

After they ordered the dessert and were waiting for it to arrive, Shane noticed Andrew leaning in on Steven’s direction to whisper something then he got up abruptly and announced he was going to the bathroom. But before he left he winked to his dad, and Shane knew this was no teenage hook-up-on-the-bathroom plan. No. It was a masterplan to leave him alone with Begara. And his suspicions were soon confirmed when Steven giving him an apologetic smile left to go to the bathroom too.

When they left Ryan began to laugh which caused Shane to look at him with an arched eyebrow. “What?” he managed between giggles. “It’s just that no matter how many years have passed teenagers will always try the bathroom excuse to go make out.”

“Yeah. The ol’ bathroom excuse to make out” he said through gritted teeth.

“They even try that at school!” Ryan wheezed. “I just look at them with one raised eyebrow and say ‘really? I’ll tell you kid, I invented this excuse. Go back to your work’.”

Shane’s annoyance left just as soon as it arrived. He looked at Ryan with glinting eyes and in a malicious tone asked. “You’re telling me, you skipped class to make out with girls in the bathroom, Bergara? The shame”

Ryan gulped and stared at Shane mortified. And stuttering a bit he managed to spit out the words. “I-I supp-suppose at the time they were girls.” he sipped his cranberry lemonade and eyeing Shane by the corner of his eye said in a much clearer voice. “You can call me Ryan, you know.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. It’s rude.” Shane’s heart was beating so fast that he felt like it was going to escape his chest. “Considering that people always assume I’m heterosexual or just deny my bisexuality, I should’ve known better.” he didn’t want to look at the man sat by his side. He knew the look of disgust people generally had on their faces when he admitted his sexuality.

“Bisexual? That’s nice.” Ryan’s voice was so sweet that Shane had to look up. He was looking at him with those gleaming eyes and soft mouth curved into a beautiful smile. Shane smiled back.

“I guess it is.”

Ryan sipped his drink again. Coughed a few times then turned to Shane. “So, Andrew was telling me some other day after class, that you work at Disney?” then after stealing one of his fries added. “Your son really loves you, he’s always talking about you.”

“Yeah, I do. I work at the animations studio.” he was torn between hugging Andrew and cutting his allowance. He’s basically selling me to his teacher as if I’m a cow.

“That’s so cool! I love Disney!” he now was turning his whole body on Shane’s direction. “You see, I have this friend, Helen, and we go every year to Disney together. It was where our friendship sort of began.”

“That’s really sweet. I, too, love Disney. Otherwise I wouldn’t work for them.” he also tuned his body. Their legs were touching.

Ryan looked at their legs, coughed a bit and blushing continued to make small talk. “Yeah, you don’t strike me as the type of man who would work at a place you hated.” his eyes followed Shane’s movements as he sipped on his green tea. Ryan shook his head. “Hmm… Working on any new projects? The new Moana maybe?”

Shane didn’t listen the question since he was too focused on studying those full lips moving. Quickly, he reached for his tea. When he noticed Ryan waiting for something, he apologized and asked him to repeat the question. Questions about his new projects always got him excited. He would feel like a secret agent when he asked for secrecy and judging by Ryan’s expression, he was probably into it. Shane and Ryan leaned on the direction of each other, and Ryan’s legs were now between Shane’s. They were whispering but sometimes, one of them would laugh too loud (Ryan) and other would smile like a stupid RomCom guy (Shane).

The kids got back to the table at some point, but the two of them barely acknowledged them. Their desserts were left untouched in front of their places. Shane had to admit that maybe Ryan had some great ideas. Well, and some not so great. “What if they are like the ghostbusters?! But they hunt sea creatures instead of ghosts.”

“Are you insane?” The boys would chuckle and Shane would just keep shooting questions at Ryan.

“You said you wanted two girls, right? What about two girls that investigate allegedly haunted locations around the world. The skeptic one could be a ghost that came back to have some fun at the cost of the other girl. Always pulling pranks and ordering other spirits to scare the believer who is obsessed with finding proof of ghosts existence.”

“Ryan Bergara, you are basically telling me to make a genderbent version of yourself.” Shane chuckled.

“Shut up, Shane. There’s more” he rolled his eyes. “The skeptic girl liked to scare the other girl at the beginning. But then they started to go to more dangerous places and she began to protect her and grew fond of the tiny scared, yet brave sometimes, human. I’m not saying there needs to be a romantic relationship, since they are teens, but they can be really good friends.”

“I like this. A lot. Even the romantic part.” then smirking a bit he added. “Now it definitely doesn’t seem like you are trying to be the smaller girl.”

“Well, for me it does sound like genderbent fanfiction of you two” Steven mumbled to Andrew

“What did you say, Steven?” Shane nervously asked as he eyed Ryan. I guess he didn’t hear it. But he’s blushing a bit.

“Nothing.” Andrew replied while glaring daggers at his sleepy boyfriend. “He just ate too much cake.”

“I guess we should be going.” Shane said as he started to look for the waiter to ask for their check.

“Yeah, it’s probably better. I need to take the bus home. We need to see how much I…” Ryan began but was cut off by Shane.

“No need. This dinner is on me. Would like a ride home?” Bergara shook his head. “Then I guess you should be going.” Shane added a bit off.

Ryan got up and said his goodbyes. Shane watched him walking out of the restaurant and something ached on his chest. He left his credit card for Andrew. “Meet me outside kiddo”. Just after he got out of the restaurant there was no sign of the man nearby, then Shane saw a small bus stop in the distance and a small figure walking in the direction of it. Shane ran.

The bus stop was close when he felt a hand touching his shoulder which startled him “Fuck, sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” a familiar voice made him relax and Ryan turned to stare at its owner.

“Hi. Again.”

“Yeah, I could’ve asked you on twitter, but I guess my brain thought it was a better idea to ran after you in the dark.” Shane was rambling. “And you have no clue of what I’m talking about and…” a small hand slapped his arm and Shane looked at Ryan half surprised and half in pain. “What…”

“Just spit it out, Shane”

He looked at Ryan and gaining back his non-justified confidence ‘spat it out’. “I was wondering if you you would like to meet me tomorrow at a coffee shop. It’s a small place, very intimate. We talk about my new cartoon and maybe other stuff.” I can’t believe I’m asking my son’s teacher on a date.

“Like a date?” Ryan’s voice was hopeful.

“No” Yes. “I mean, maybe.”

Ryan smirked and added before making a signal for the bus approaching the stop. “Then DM me the details for our date of Schrodinger, Madej”

[foolsiwillshowthemall]

Farm Report:  Nine significant others and counting

Wednesday, the third of Spring.  It is a beautiful sunny day.  Flower petals are blowing in the air.  The automated sprinklers have watered most of my farm without me lifting a finger.

I do still have to water the cauliflower patch, but it doesn't take long.

With not much else to do once the plants are watered, I decide to do some harvesting of plants in the Cindersap forest.  There should be plenty of fresh spring growth to browse.  But as I head down that way, I spot Haley doing a bit of photography near Marnie's cows.

It is, as I said before, a beautiful spring day.

Wow.  My mere presence around here may have opened Haley's mind up a bit.  I'm impressed.

Okay, Haley, first you need to get used to smelling like earth...

She sets up her tripod, and suggests we take some photos of ourselves with the cows.  Haley, I'm not sure if this is a good idea.  Marnie will straight up murder us if we hurt her animals.  You don't know what that woman's capable of.

See, just be gentle with it, don't scare it.  Cows are skittish animals, which also weigh many times what you do.

Haley, that is so not a good idea.  Get down from there.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I shouldn't laugh, but the image is hilarious.  I can't help it.

Fortunately, Haley starts giggling along with me, and doesn't even mind having gotten her dress all muddy.

That whole scene was adorable.  I think I actually like Haley now, and she seems to like me.  Only one thing to do...

DAMMIT PIERRE.  Your schedule is interfering with my romancing.  I bet JojaMart doesn't even sell bouquets.

The bouquet will have to wait until tomorrow.  I head back to the forest, intent on returning to my foraging, but it appears that Leah has already beaten me to it.  She's picked all the good stuff near the ground, and now is looking at a fruit that's a bit out of reach for her.

Sure does.  You know, you can come and pick fruit on my farm any day, I don't mind.

She's too short to reach it.  So am I.  No one person is tall enough to get it, but maybe both of us together are...

Alright, just balance up there and grab it!

I keep hearing that.  Seriously, should I start wearing sleeveless shirts to show off my muscles?

She offers me a bit of the fruit, we laugh and bond.  It's a really cute moment.

One other thing to do while I'm in the area, and that's stopping at Marnie's.  Hey, Linus, what are you doing here?  You don't have any animals.

Uh huh.  What were you two talking about when I came in? Eh, it's none of my business.  Time to get to what I came here for:  buying chickens!

Marnie offers to pick a name for me, but I refuse.  I know the perfect name for my pet chicken.  General Tso, ruler of the chicken coop.

You should never have just one chicken, they get lonely, so I buy a second to keep her company.

Naming animals is easy, why would I ever use the random name generator?

This patch of spring onions is always down here near the start of every Spring.  Last year I came across this and didn't touch it because I was afraid it belonged to someone.  This year I know better, nobody lives down this way.

Just this creepy locked sewer grate.  It's probably nothing.

On Thursday, I finally catch my sprinklers in action.  What a lovely sight.  That's 160 growing plants I don't need to water myself.

Haley enjoyed herself enough to write me a letter!  This makes what I have to do next even more clear.

The chickens have been delivered.  Just chicks for now, they'll take a bit to grow to the age where they'll lay eggs.  General Tso is a regular yellow chicken, but Tandoori is one of Shane's special blue birds.

I glare at Pierre, daring him to say anything as I buy two bouquets.  He stays silent this time.

Meeting up with pretty Haley.  She actually cooked for Emily last night.  Haley undergoes a lot of character growth over her romance arc, becoming an actual decent person once you get to know her.

And her blush goes all the way to her scalp when you give her a bouquet.  It's adorable.

Next stop is to see Sebastian, but before I can get to him, Robin grabs me and wants to talk shop.

She's not sharing the secret of how to do construction for 48 hours straight during a blizzard, but she will show me how to make a few decorative items for around the farm.

These make noise when you walk past them, I think?  Okay.

Now for the real reason I'm here.  Sebby's speech to me on the pier really touched me.  He doesn't have many friends, not much social contact, and he reached out to me and told me that I was one of the few people who his poor introverted soul didn't mind having around.  That means a lot to me.  In appreciation, I'm giving him a bouquet.  He deserves it.

No problem, Sebastian.  I'm here for you.  Gimme a call any time you want to hang out.

I could picture you living in a basement on a farm, sure.

We'll just have to have your mom build me a farmhouse with nine or ten bedrooms.  I'm going to need to harvest so much wood.

That's nine.  I don't know where the point was that I decided to make this a playthrough where I romanced everyone.  I originally wanted to just marry Abigail, but somewhere along the way I fell in love with all of these characters.  Still working on getting Elliott there, he's hard to get gifts for, and I am still not sure I can stomach romancing Sam or Alex.

Speaing of Elliott, one of my crab pots has finally caught a lobster, which is one of his favorite gifts.  He's going to love this...

And then I realize that I have no idea where he goes during the day, when it's not raining or snowing.

On the way back from that, I spot Kent in the park with Vincent.  It's his birthday, and while I haven't had a chance to get any really good gifts for him, I do have a gold start daffodil I found while foraging earlier.

Sam?  Well, I have spoken to him, and I don't consider him an enemy most of the time.  Friends might be stretching our relationship a little.

Jodi, you and I have been friends for months.  It's like your husband gets home from the war and suddenly you don't know me anymore.

Emily is so sweet and adorable.  When flowers speak to me, they say things like "I can be used in a recipe" or "I'm good harvesting XP!"

While doing some more late-night clearing of wood and brush,  I found this weird shrine thing behind years of overgrowth.  There's a note pinned to it.

Well, that's not creepy at all.

[golflakeridgegc]

Lake Ridge Golf Course Weekly Newsletter Dec 24, 2018

Thanks to all who came out Friday night for the Ugly Sweater Party. Tracy Utter won the Ugliest Sweater contest and Shane Kouba won the Most Original. Would also like to thank Cindy Macrander Wohlfarth for choosing Lake Ridge to host the annual Wiles Christmas dinner. It was a crazy busy night.

CHRISTMAS EVE – CADDIES LOUNGE OPEN FROM 4:00 to 8:00

The kitchen will be closed Christmas Eve, but Caddies Lounge will be open from 4 – 8. So come and join us for a Christmas drink or two and enjoy some complimentary chili and cheesy jalapeno corn muffins. Come early if you want your muffin. We will be closed Christmas Day. We hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

10% SALE ON MEMBERSHIPS

Time is running out to take advantage of the 10% discount on a new memberships or membership renewal. Offer ends Dec 31. So purchase your new membership or renew your current membership now to get your 10% discount for the 2019 golf season.

50% OFF ALL GOLF APPAREL IN THE PRO SHOP

Need to buy that special someone a Christmas present? Now through Dec 24, receive a 50% discount on ALL men’s and ladies golf apparel, hats and visors. Makes for a great stocking stuffer or Christmas present for that special golfer in your life. And for those who have been nice, why not buy them a gift certificate to Lake Ridge Golf Course or Fairway’s Restaurant.

WINTER HOURS

We will open to accommodate any golfers, weather permitting, so please call in advance to book a tee time. As usual Caddies Lounge opens every day at 4:00 and Fairways Restaurant is open from 5 to 9 seven days a week. Please note:  Caddies Lounge will close no earlier than 10:30 Sunday – Thursday and 11:30 on Friday and Saturday. However if we have customers, we will stay open until 1:00 am. So come early, leave late. Please call us on 402-235-4653 if your running late and want to have a few drinks. We are here to accommodate you.

UPCOMING EVENTS

NEW YEAR’S EVER DINNER MONDAY DEC 31    

It’s time to start making plans for New Year’s Eve on Monday Dec 31. Come say good bye to 2018 and bring in 2019 in style at Lake Ridge. We have a wonderful menu planned for your evening along with DJ Tim Dunlap spinning out all your favorite songs. . Please RSVP to better assist us in planning for this great evening. Book early to ensure your spot. The menu for the evening is as follows:

APPETIZERS

Mozzarella Sticks- $6.95

Pizzadilla – $8.95

Crab Rangoon’s – $9.95

ENTREES

(All Entrees served w Choice of Potato, Vegetable, Soup or Salad & Dinner Roll)

10 oz. Prime Rib – $19.95

Salmon and 2 crab cakes – $16.95

DESSERT

Cheesecake or Pie – $4.95

A complimentary glass of Champagne at Midnight

BINGO NIGHT AT THE RIDGE THURSDAY JAN 3 FROM 7:00 – 9:00

Come join us Thursday Jan 3 from 7:00 – 9:00 for BINGO Night at the Ridge. Have some dinner or some cocktails and test your luck and win big playing Bingo. Enjoy Happy Hour rates while playing. Hope to see you at the Ridge. Please note we will have BINGO on Jan 10 from 7:00 – 9:00 and then every other Thursday through March.

CORN HOLE TOURNAMENT SUNDAY JAN 13 AT 2:00

Come join us for our next Indoor Cornhole Tournament Sunday Jan 13 at 2:00.  Entry fee is $20 per team with the winner taking 70% of the pot and the runner up taking 30%. Please note that due to limited amount of space we are limiting this event to the first 16 teams to sign-up. This will be a double elimination tournament. We currently have 15 teams signed up, so please call us on 402-235-4653 to sign-up today to ensure your spot. Sunday Funday just got a little better…

BEACH PARTY SATURDAY JAN 26 STARTING AT 8:00

Tired of winter and wish you were at the beach?? Come join us Saturday Jan 26 in Caddies Lounge for our annual Beach Party. So screw winter, put on those bikinis, swim trunks and flip flops and  imagine you’re at the beach and party like it’s summer time. Party starts at 8:00.

NEBRASKA GOLF PASSPORT

We are pleased to announce that we have partnered with the Nebraska Golf Passport. The Nebraska Golf Passport gives you access and a FREE 18-hole green fee to ALL of their premier private and public courses! At each course you play, a Passport Fee applies which covers your exclusive rate & cart for the round. Enjoy a tremendous value while experiencing the BEST of Nebraska Golf and the surrounding area! Visit: https://nebraskagolfpassport.org/ to view the premier line-up of private member only facilities you can play with the passport along with the great public courses included as well! Cost is $109.99 plus tax. **Purchase before January 1st and be entered into a drawing for a dream trip for four to Tatanka Golf Club!

EVENT PLANNING

Need to plan an event? Well look no further. Whether it’s a golf outing, retirement party, birthday party, class reunion or any social event, we look forward to working  with you to plan and host your event and make it an enjoyable and memorable experience for all. An up-to-date schedule has been posted on our website at http://golflakeridge.com and has also been posted to our Facebook Page.

And speaking of Facebook, feel free to “like” and follow us on the  Lake Ridge Country Club’s Facebook Page. Keep up-to-date with all the events and daily specials Lake Ridge has to offer.  Please click on the link fb.me/BeaverLakeRidgeGolf. If the link does not work, simply cut and paste the link into your address bar on your web browser. Please feel free to rate us and give us any feedback that would allow us to better serve you.

FAIRWAYS RESTAURANT 

We are open for dinner from 5 – 9 seven nights a week and now open for lunch from 11 – 2 Friday’s, Saturdays and Sundays. Whether you want to dine in the restaurant, Caddies Lounge or out on the deck, we are committed to providing quality food at a great price in a very comfortable setting. In a hurry or don’t feel like cooking, call us in advance for takeout orders.

HAPPY HOUR MONDAY – FRIDAY FROM 4 TO 6 

Enjoy discounted prices on beer, wine and spirits in Caddies Lounge.

DAILY DRINK SPECIALS

MONDAY – BUY A BUCKET OF 6 BEERS AND GET ELEPHANT WINGS FOR .25 CENTS. (MINIMUM ORDER OF 10 WINGS)

TUESDAY – $2.00 MARGARITA’S

WHISKEY & WINE WEDNESDAY – $1.00 OFF ANY WHISKEY OR GLASS OF WINE AND $1.00 12oz BUD LIGHT DRAFTS FROM 4:00 – 9:00

THIRSTY THURSDAY – HAPPY HOUR FROM 4:00 – 9:00

FIREBALL FRIDAY – $1.00 OFF FIREBALL SHOTS

SATURDAY – HAPPY HOUR DURING HUSKERS GAMES AND FREE JELLO SHOT WHEN HUSKERS SCORE TD

SUNDAY – $1.00 OFF A PITCHER OF BEER AND BLOODY MARY’S

DAILY FOOD SPECIALS 

MONDAY – COMPLIMENTARY CHILI AND CHEESY CORN MUFFINS

TUESDAY – KITCHEN IS CLOSED FOR CHRISTMAS

WEDNESDAY – STEAK TORTINO

THURSDAY – CHICKEN AND STEAK QUESADILLAS

FRIDAY – STEAK AND FRIED SHRIMP DINNER

SATURDAY –  RACKS OF BBQ RIBS

SUNDAY – CHEF’S CHOICE

TRY SOME OF OUR NEW APPETIZERS: FRIED PICKLES, MINI CORN DOGS OR PRETZEL BITES

MEMBER APPRECIATION NIGHT

Sundays are Members Appreciation night. All members get 20% off their food order. So come on out and take advantage of your membership for some great food at a great price.

PLAY CASS COUNTY KENO

Enjoy some dinner and drinks and play some Keno. Pick the winning numbers and win big $$$.

DARTS

Darts anyone? Come on up and enjoy a few beers, play some darts in Caddy’s Shack and listen to some of your favorite songs on the Jukebox. You can also download  the AMI Jukebox app to your phone and play the jukebox from your phone. Just do a search for AMI Jukebox under your APPS store and download the app. Once you have downloaded the app, select Caddy’s Lounge as your location. It’s quick and easy to setup.

KARAOKE

We have Karaoke every Friday and Saturday starting at 9:00.

  Todd Berry

Director of Golf

Lake Ridge Golf Course

Phone: 402-235-4653

lakeridgegolf@spiralfiber.com

The post Lake Ridge Golf Course Weekly Newsletter Dec 24, 2018 appeared first on Lake Ridge Golf Course.