#why did you bother to learn my name and not anyone else's

[pigswithwings]

Jpeg tell Milton and Kondraki to do web weaving and stimboards

can you be regular about people

[wileys-russo]

aitana bonmatí “but you always do it”, locker room

you can do it II a.bonmatí

"looking a little worse for wear there amiga." you sent a side eye to mapi who held her hands up in defence with a whistle at the withering glare, slinking away to go bother someone else.

"ay chica why is your girl so grumpy?" patri chuckled to aitana watching the interaction, the huffs and glares sent by you to anyone who came within five feet of you incredibly out of character.

"do not ask." aitana sighed knowing full well why you were being so stand offish, having kept her distance all morning and walking on egg shells with every interaction.

"what did you do tana?" frido grinned from on her other side with a raised eyebrow as the girl laced up her boots and frowned. "nothing! she is not angry, she is tired." aitana sighed with a roll of her eyes.

"i will ask again, what did you do?" frido laughed as the shorter girl bumper her shoulder into the swede's. "nothing. we got a puppy, sí?" the midfielder started to explain as both patri and frido nodded, everyone having been fighting for days now to come and meet your new fur baby.

"well, she has been trying to crate train him but it is not going well." your girlfriend sighed, watching with a wince as you struggled to get your boots on, grumbling in annoyance to yourself under your breath.

"he just cries and cries until she sits beside the crate or lets him out. so she has barely been sleeping but she will not listen to me about ignoring him crying so he learns she will not come every time!" the brunette explained with a roll of her eyes as the girls either side of her hummed in understanding.

"ah, so it is your fault." patri hummed as frido agreed and the shorter girl looked at them both in bewilderment. "no! it is her fault for not listening to me and listening to the dog instead." aitana huffed pulling her socks up.

"sure tana, go tell your girlfriend that. i am sure that will improve her mood!" frido chuckled, squeezing her shoulder as she and patri stood to leave the locker room, most of the girls having already filed out to the pitch for training.

watching you on your phone as you were now ready for training aitana sighed knowing you were likely watching the puppy camera you'd insisted on having installed so in the brief times neither of you weren't home you could keep an eye on your new fur baby, and you'd even sprung for the more expensive one which allowed you to speak to it through an app.

grabbing her hairbrush and an elastic you looked up as aitana sat down beside you, a hopeful smile on her face as you spied the objects in her hand.

"tana por favor i am too tired, do it yourself or ask ingrid." you sighed, clicking off your phone and dumping it in your bag as you rubbed your eyes.

"but you always do it." the brunette pushed gently, knocking her knee against yours and smiling softly as you shook your head, face buried in your hands. "not today amor."

"lo sé cari, i know you are tired i heard you get up and down and up and down and-" aitana shut up the moment your eyes glared at her, grinning apologetically.

"if you heard me so many times the you could have gotten up and helped aitana." your girlfriend winced at the use of her full name, something that rarely left your lips and only further cemented your bad mood today.

"lo siento mi amor. how about tonight i will be on puppy duty?" she offered as you gave her a suspicious look. "really?" you questioned, your girlfriend never having offered before not that you'd really asked given the dog was mostly your idea anyway.

"but. i will be doing it my way bebé, he needs to learn that just because he cries you will not go running to him every time or else he will not adjust to the crate, no?" she spoke firmly but softly as you sighed and nodded, knowing even if you'd struggled to do so that she was right.

"perfecto. so tonight i will sleep downstairs in the spare room, i will put el perrito in his crate just outside the door and you will get a good nights sleep. vale?" your girlfriend raised an eyebrow as you nodded, aitana relaxing as a small smile graced your features.

"vale. muchas gracias mi vida." you leaned in to peck her lips sweetly a few times before tugging the hairbrush and elastic from her hand, chuckling as within seconds she was sat expectantly on the floor between your legs ready for you to braid her hair.

"now if only el perrito was as well trained as you tana." "amor!"

[mcflymemes]

NATIONAL TREASURE (2004) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the film, adjust as necessary

i'm gonna steal it.

who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?

if it's any consolation, you had me convinced.

you're not hurt, are you?

i am so getting fired for this.

is there a question in there?

we have no money.

how about a bribe?

it was cool. you should try it sometime.

we can't go back there.

i've never been so happy to be proven wrong.

you handled that well.

are you trying to steal that?

it's thirty-five dollars.

you know the key to running a convincing bluff? every once in a while you've got to be holding all the cards.

stop talking. start the van.

you're treasure hunters, aren't you?

i'm still working on it.

why don't you just come back down here and we can talk through this together.

don't speak again.

is that the hot girl?

are you with me?

what do you think? i'm a hostage.

do you trust me?

once we catch them, what do we do?

is this real?

i made something for you.

tell me what i need to know.

just another clue.

i can explain, but i don't have time.

i wasted 20 years of my life, and now you've destroyed yours.

what was the secret?

i found something!

i broke a shoelace this morning.

it can't be done.

i understand your bitterness. i really do.

i want you to have a chance to do that.

i've got some duct tape in the back.

promise you won't be any trouble.

i finally figured it out.

the treasure is a myth.

we need more juice.

you're all lunatics!

still a little on edge from being shot at, but i'll be okay. thanks for asking.

see? okay? now could you please stop shouting?

give me that!

you would do well, [name], to be a little more civilized in this instance.

who were those men?

we did the only thing we could do to keep it safe.

we probably deserved that.

i was thinking, what if we go public? plaster the story all over the internet.

it's not like we have our reputations to worry about.

people don't talk that way anymore.

beautiful, huh?

i have no idea what you said.

if there's something wrong, those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action.

what do you see?

what time is it now?

we missed it.

i know something about history that you don't.

i'd be very excited to learn about it.

hold on one second. let me just take in this moment.

this is cool. is this how you feel all the time?

[name], you're a genius.

how do a bunch of guys with hand tools build all this?

the aliens helped them.

i volunteered.

it's invisible.

i'm sorry for your suffering.

when are we gonna get there?

i'm hungry. this car smells weird.

i'm so sorry i dropped you.

i would have done exactly the same to you.

why can't they just say "go to this place, here's the treasure, spend it wisely?"

anyone crazy enough to believe us isn't gonna want to help.

we don't need someone crazy.

[name], are you crying?

look. stairs.

i'm guessing that's significant.

i'm just trying to hide from my ex-husband.

stay as long as you like.

you want something?

i see what you left him.

this isn't a day for "um."

we didn't find the information credible.

well, this might be possible.

i leveled with you one hundred percent.

everything i told you was the truth.

it's not a conspiracy theory.

you know what? i take it back.

i'm in a little trouble.

this... is huge.

you are gonna go to prison. you know that, right?

that would bother most people.

you know what you have to do.

i'm just trying to think if there's anything else we could do.

i'm not letting it out of my sight.

how do you look?

a toast to high treason.

here's to the men who did what was considered wrong in order to do what they knew was right.

why do you need them?

look... this is a waste of time.

i'm still not against you.

i really couldn't accept something like this normally.

we don't actually have it.

did bigfoot take it?

is there a door that doesn't lead to prison?

get out of there. get out of there now!

[name], can you hear me?

can i marry your brain?

our evil plan is working.

why does that never happen to me?

meet me at the car. call me if you have any problems.

no broken bones?

a jump like that could kill a man.

[elvensorceress]

In all the excitement about bi!Buck, (which— yay! Amazing! Very exciting! No notes!) I think there’s a part of this story we’re missing. I haven’t seen anyone talk about it, so have some rambling.

 It wasn’t just Buck who looked at this experienced, older, queer man and wanted to know him. It was also Eddie. 

We have never seen Eddie go so hard, so immediately for anyone. To the point his best friend of years felt like he was being ignored by him. Yes, Buck wanted Tommy’s attention for obvious reasons. But he was also slighted by the perceived lack of attention from Eddie. 

Suddenly, Eddie is spending multiple times a week going out with this man. Going to Vegas with this man. Working out with him, working on his car with him, doing karaoke and trivia night with him? Asking his alleged girlfriend to babysit more than once so that he can go out with Tommy? Obviously, it was from jealous!Buck’s point of view, but seriously. If Buck felt ignored, what is Marisol even thinking? Did Eddie bother to make time for his new girlfriend? What spare time would he even have if they work several 24 hour shifts and he’s also gone out with Tommy at least three times in one week? And is probably planning more?

Not that I think Eddie’s feelings for Tommy are necessarily in the same vein as Buck’s feelings for Tommy. But my gosh, Eddie giggly and kicking his feet and twirling his hair while on the phone with Tommy was so very loud. And actually a pretty neat contrast to being distracted and trying to text Marisol “hey mari it me eddie” to ask her out. Eddie’s sudden infatuation with Tommy was a thousand times more than anything we’ve seen from him for anyone. Considering that what he stated he wanted was the magical chemistry he’d found when he and Shannon got together, like… is that not what he just found with Tommy? 

Again, it doesn’t necessarily mean Eddie has any explicit romantic or sexual attraction toward Tommy. I suppose he could? But the point is more that wow, there is some kind of intense draw pulling Eddie to him even if we interpret it as platonic. 

Buck says at the end of the ep that they met this guy and he was so cool and Buck wanted to get to know him. Which makes sense given that Buck is canonically crushing on him and going to be dating him. But Eddie was actually the one who got there first. Eddie also had a reaction somewhere along those lines of “he’s really cool, I need to know him” to the point where he’s all of a sudden spending most if not all of his free time with him. 

And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this person Eddie wants to spend time with is an experienced, out queer man who is comfortable in his own sexuality and his own masculinity. (He has so much in common with Eddie! They have so many similar interests! They have a magical click together that makes Eddie want to be around him all the time! There’s so much they can do together!) 

Eddie might not have even known it, maybe in the same way Buck also didn’t know it, but Eddie definitely latched onto that, too. Which is very interesting, no? Very— queers finding each other and bonding over shared experiences even before they know that’s what they’re doing. 

It can easily be someone who is likely confused about their own feelings but knows they are having certain feelings just not the names to put to those feelings, and consequently seeking guidance and reassurance that there are other people who are just like them who have these feelings as well. It’s realizing how they can be themselves, that they can be queer in a way that fits who they are instead of what they might conceptualize as queer because of stereotypes and preconceived notions. It’s learning you can be you and also be queer. That there are people like you out there. 

Eddie found something with Tommy that he hasn’t been shown to have found anywhere else. It’s a new and different thing for him, too. And if it were just about excitement over a new friend, why is it so much so quickly all at once? Eddie’s a social person. He’s a friendly, charming, charismatic person. He has friends. But it feels like this is a very different sort of friendship for him. 

And the fact that this is the same man who just gave Buck his bisexual awakening is verrrry inch resting. 

Also regardless of what kind of feelings Eddie and Tommy might have been having for each other, they were so going on dates. Flying someone to Vegas because you have tickets that have been sold out for weeks to something they enjoy? Like damn Eddie. You pulled a sugar daddy. 

Anyway. Eddie is queer, too. Double sexuality awakenings, ready go!

That is all! 💕

[calisources]

𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒.

Sentences were taken from different sources of literature that depict dark romance, these include possessive language, jealousy, power trips, some kinks, innuendos. Some sentences are tamer than others, please use wisely. Change names, pronouns and locations as you see fit. This meme is not safe for all audiences, as it contains adult themes.

Cara is mine, and only mine.

You didn’t seem to be in any danger when you were being my good, little girl.

A crush? I had consumed at least three of that woman’s bodily fluids, as she had mine. 

I worship you.

Very, very bad girl.

So you admit it, I make you scream.

See, my sweet gift? I knew you’d f/cking come around.

My beautiful, sweet gift. I am forever lost in you.

Let me heal those wounds and soothe that ache.

I’m gonna fuck you now. It’s gonna be fast and hard because I’ve waited too long for this.

In this fucked up world of ours, we're meant for each other.

I may have broken you, but know that you've broken me just the same.

Let me free you of the constraints of virtue. Better yet, free yourself.

You're supposedly protected by god, but here you are fucking the devil.

Like this you are powerful. Learn what it is to command the attention of a god.

I need you to take me the way you want me.

I hope you never forget about me and that the thought of me haunts you for eternity.

I was born to be your god, born with the power to make you do what I want.

You've captivated my soul and breathe life into me.

No escaping. I told you I'd never let you go.

I am a poison that all of humanity must fear.

You  ruined me and I can’t be bothered about it.

I forgot how good you taste. 

Real men get their girls nice and ready first.

This girl. She’s living, walking art. And she’s mine.

Do you want me on my knees?

You’re a bad man and you do bad things. You will always do bad things. But not to me.

You are painfully beautiful, do you know that?

Every time you look at me, it feels as if you start a wildfire inside my heart

Such a perfect girl you are, put on this world just for me.

I have killed for you, baby. And I’ll never stop.

You forgot I was a siren.

I just wanted to keep you forever.

I have missed you for so long. And now you are in front of me, but you’re afraid to touch me.

 There can never be anything in the world that would hurt me more than when you left me.

I don’t know if I want to cry or if I want to scream or if I want to fucking kiss you.

Christ, I wish you could see yourself. You look otherworldly.

I used to smell your dirty shirts when you weren’t looking.

In order for me to fuck you, I’m going to need you to be healed first.

 How I’ve missed that filthy mouth.

What else did I teach you?

You taught me how to be a good girl for you.

How to let you ravage me so badly that I feel like I’m on the brink of death.

I'm a simple man who's been reduced to his base instincts to hunt, capture, keep.

If she is my devil, then I will gladly burn.

If you don’t protect what belongs to you, then sooner or later, it belongs to someone else.

The power he holds over me―

You like to be owned by me? Knowing that I will kill anyone that ever tries to steal you away?

You want passion. A love that completely devours every inch of you. 

I know that you long for a little danger, too. I saw how you thrived on it.

It only hurts because I want you so much.

 if you could see yourself through my eyes, you’d know why I chose you. 

You taste like sin.

You're doing so good, Handsome.

No one touches what's mine.

And you are mine. Whether you agree is irrelevant.

I caught you, so now I get to ravish you.

Let’s do something about that mouth of yours, hm?

Be my woman, Ana. Allow me to call myself yours.

I want you to know that you can’t hide from me.

Play nicely, little lamb. Or else, I won’t.

I will do with you as I please.

Show me how much you want me.

You haven’t been getting what you need, have you?

Would it make you feel better if I call you Daddy while you fuck me?

You’ll never know when I’m going to drag you into the darkness.

I’m rough with your body sometimes, but I’ll always be gentle with your soul. 

Fucking hell, you’re sweet. You’re so goddamn sweet.

The flesh wants what it wants.

If you continue to behave like this, I'll actually start to believe you don't hate me.

Desire becomes surrender. Surrender becomes Power.

And I will break you. I will make it so you can't breathe without me. 

What happened to the thrill of the chase?

I just like the way wrong feels.

I swear I won't touch you even with a finger until you ask me yourself.

I need to hear a yes, sir.

[alastor-simp]

"My My, Aren't You Adorable -Alastor with a Nezuko Reader

🎙Alastor was a little surprised when he met you for the first time. You still retained your human appearance, but he could smell that you were a demon, but different. You looked very young, which made him feel some pity for you since you had died at such a young age. He did find you very adorable when he met you, finding your expressions to be so innocent. "My my, aren't you simply adorable?" as he patted your head.

🎙Your attire confused him greatly, he couldn't tell if you were wearing a dress or some type of odd suit. Niffty, surprisingly, was able to tell him it was a traditional Japanese kimono, and they were commonly worn in Japan. He still found it odd, but said nothing else. He found out that you could change your size, when he saw you shrink down to Niffty's size and gave her a hug. Well that certainly was an interesting power.

🎙The muzzle on your mouth angered him a bit. He prefers to see a smile whenever he is conversing with another, so why cover it? You tried to explain it to him, but it didn't go well, since you could only say "mmm mmm" with the muzzle covering your mouth. Charlie kindly gave you a piece of paper to write down your responses to make it easier for everyone to understand. They understood now that you wore the muzzle to control you from biting anyone, which answered Alastors question, but it still annoyed him.

🎙Al slowly got use to you as time went by. True, he couldn't speak to you normally, but you were very expressive with your face and hands. You were naturally friendly with him, which shocked him a bit, since given his status he is use to being feared, but you weren't. Quite a strange demon you were.

🎙He learned later on that you were a very affectionate creature, as whenever he appeared, you would run up and hug him, or pat his head. He abhorred being touched by anyone, yet when it came from you and gazing into your sweet eyes, he couldn't find it in him to push you away. Goodness, he hoped he wasn't going soft.

🎙During one of Charlie's group exercises, she wanted everyone to explain their past, if they wanted to. Once it was your turn, you wrote down your tragic past. That once peaceful winter morning with your family soon turned into a nightmare as they were all slaughtered by another demon. Only you and your brother survived, but the attack, instead of killing you, turned you into a demon. Somehow, you were able to control your urges, and still retain some of your memories when you were human, which help prevent you from hurting others and those you cared about. Everyone around you felt heartbroken once you told them, resulting in a group hug from everyone, except Al, but he was kind enough to place a warm hand on your shoulder.

🎙Alastor appeared like your story didn't bother him that much, but inside he was fuming with rage. Once he heard the name of the demon who orchestrated the death of your family, "Muzan", he made a long list in his mind of how he could torture/kill that bastard. Oh how he was going to enjoy his screams.

🎙During one of his outings with you, clothes shopping for new attire, he, unfortunately, ran into his sworn enemy, Vox. "Well well, if it isn't the piece of sh✪✪ television!" Alastors eyes, glared at the walking TV, wishing to rip it right off. Vox walked closer to the both of you, wearing a cocky smirk. "Hahaha! Finally come to your senses, and decided to join my team!" Alastor rolled his eyes, letting out a "Ha! No!"

🎙Vox's hypnotic eyes soon locked on to you, causing you to let out a growl, that caught Al's attention. "Well who is this pretty little thing? Your new to-POW!!!" Vox could barley finish his sentence as you gave a roundhouse kick straight into his screen, sending him flying back." Alastors eyes widen at that, shocked by your strength. He soon watched as you began to transform.

🎙The muzzle on your mouth was bitten off, allowing him to see your fangs. Your body had grown in height, along with leaf like markings appearing on your skin, and large horn protruding from your forehead. Your once sweet innocent eyes were now in slits and veins were protruding from your face. Breathtaking was the first thing Al thought of, upon witnessing your full demon form.

🎙Vox was still alive, even after that strong kick, but he was feeling enraged. "WHY YOU LITTLE BIT✪✪!!!" Wires began to protrude from his head, launching at you like snakes. Vox managed to cut one of your limbs off, but his mouth was left agaped that you were able to regenerate it back. Throwing some of your blood at Vox and his wires, you activated your blood art power, sending him and the wires ablaze, burning them in hell fire.

🎙Realizing you were a much powerful foe, he retreated. Now it was only you and Al alone again. You slowly transformed back into your normal form, looking back at Alastor, without the muzzle this time. Alastor was a bit stunned at what had just transpired. He didn't expect you to defend him like that. What tremendous power you possessed.

🎙Walking closer to him, you smiled at him for the first time. It made his black little heart race, seeing such a pure smile on your face. "Are you okay?", he heard you say. Your voice was so soft-spoken, that it shocked Alastor even more. Shaking his head to clear his mind, Al walked closer to you, placing a hand on your head, ruffling your hair. "Quite alright my dear! I must say, that was an amazing show of power. You are full of surprises aren't you!" Alastor smiled down at you, giving you a soft smile, then his regular joker-like smile.

🎙Snapping his fingers, he repaired the bamboo muzzle that you had broken. "Here you go, my dear! Though I prefer you without it! That smile of yours is quite lovely." After that whole incident with Vox, Alastor became much closer to you. He now saw you as a close friend, and loved you like a daughter. Anyone who dared harmed you, would have to suffer the wrath of the Radio demon.

~END~

Tagging:

@pepperycookie , @yourdoorisunlocked, @ghostdoodlen, @aceofcards0-0, @jyoongim, @saturnhas82moons, @unholycheesesnack , @luujjvi, @forbidden-sunlight, @pinkcrystal44 , @veethewriter , @rains-sleeping@danveration , @demoarah, @cookiekyo , @iiotic, @delectableworm , @91062854-ka , @alastorsgoldie , @lokis-imaginary-friend , @themysteriousslenderman

[youthguk]

Follow the White Rabbit | jjk (m)

pairing: idol! jungkook x idol! reader

genre: smut, idols au.

words: 8.2k

summary: Jungkook never involves with other idols, valuing his reputation above everything else. That's until he learns about you. But when his attempt to get closer to you falls short because of false rumors, you're determined to make it up to him.

author’s note: all characters are 18+(!); this is a stand alone story. however, i do have some ideas for more parts, so let me know if anyone would be interested in more parts ♡

“Every adventure requires a first step.”

Jungkook was known for his pristine reputation amongst other idols. And that came with certain drawbacks. 

Being an idol meant being watched. Always. He had to learn it the hard way. But he learned his lesson long ago and now no one would ever catch Jungkook’s pretty shiny eyes darting even with the slightest interest in other groups' direction, especially girl groups. He was sick of that and decided to protect his peace by playing by the rules of the idol industry and fans, scrutinizing his every move, and craving to know more about his personal life. 

Jungkook distanced himself from everything that could disturb his peace. Surely, he is showing up to events, music shows, and year-end award shows with his group, eyes only on members and fans. He is here to do his job, and enjoy performance; he is here for music, not for drama. Jungkook is now called “heartless” and “brat” by his peers; every time some newly debuted idols approach him backstage — he politely bows back to them, not willing to maintain a conversation. Jeon Jungkook is pretty content with his reputation, they may call him “arrogant” or even “spoiled maknea”, he is not here to be liked. 

He is not here to make any new friends, he doesn’t need them, it's as simple as that. Jungkook doesn’t remember when was the last time that he even bothered to check the new groups. Well, of course, that was until the popularity of your group “Bunnies” became so big that it was just impossible for him to escape from you. 

“Hyung, what’s the deal with…what was their name…Bunnies?” Finally, Jungkook gives in and decides to refer to Namjoon who, unlike him, always keeps up with new trends and faces in their industry. “Obnoxious name for a group, by the way,” he adds. 

“Are you asking because of ____ ?” Namjoon teases his favorite maknae. 

“What? No…Who’s that?” Jungkook regrets asking as soon as the words flew out of his mouth. He is, insensibly to himself, crossing the line that he drew himself. Of course, he doesn’t care who you are, he was just curious about your group for a moment. 

“Oh, well, she’s the leader of Bunnies,” Jungkook doesn’t know you (and has no desire to get acquainted with you) and yet he can’t help but pity you. Leader of Bunnies. That must be hard for you. He chuckles at his thoughts which don’t go unnoticed by his own leader, “What’s so funny?”

“Sorry, hyung, but the name is ridiculous,” he shrugs and when met with a disapproving stare from his leader, Jungkook compliantly adds, “But hey, good for them, right? They even caught my attention. Well, it was impossible to not notice, I mean, their song was playing in every damn convenience store that I entered this past few months.”

“You should check the credits to the song.”

Jungkook doesn’t ask why and simply follows Namjoon’s suggestion. His eyes wander on his screen, gaze drawn to the same name repeated both in “Lyrics by” and “Composed by”. 

“That’s the leader…You were talking about her, ____, right?” And when Namjoon nods, Jungkook’s eyebrows are drawn together in confusion. “Why did you think I was interested because of her in particular?”

Namjoon heavily sighs, stretching his arms wearily, “Of course, our Jungkookie is all grown-up now and no one deserves his attention,” he playfully pats Jungkook’s head, knowing very well how annoying their golden maknae finds that. “She just mentioned you in one of their interviews and now it went viral, just like everything that Bunnies do.”

Yet again Jungkook cringes at the mention of your group’s name and, for some obscure reason, takes a mental note to check out that interview. 

_________

You were the oldest in your group and the most experienced one. When agreeing to debut in Bunnies you were promised by the company that you will simply be able to do what you already love the most — writing and composing songs while being able to perform. You never liked the public attention and criticism that comes with the territory, but as your producers and PR agents assured you, all that unwanted public attention will go past you. After all, you were the oldest and not the center of the group. Which was supposed to guarantee you a somewhat calm and untroubled career (as much as it was possible in this case, of course). 

“Welcome Bunnies!” The host of a variety show addresses your group excitedly. Nowadays, it was pure luck for any TV program to get your group to visit them, you were booked and busy. Literally. You don’t remember with what exact mindset you were getting yourself into this and what were you expecting from your group, but this level of success was unexpected, even for your company. 

Thanks to your introverted nature, your beloved members, who in a span of just a few months were all like little sisters to you, took most of the talking responsibility on themselves, leaving you only serious and tricky questions for discussion. 

“So, who would you call your celebrity crush or even ideal type?” The interviewer asks and all the eyes of your members fall on you, pleading for help. 

“Wow, no one has ever asked us that before!” You chuckle as the audience conformably bursts into laughter and you try to stall some more time before you come up with an appropriate and least provoking answer. “Well, I’d say it’s Jeon Jungkook sunbaenim, right?” You turn to your members, looking for support. But you know you already gave the wrong answer when you decided to respond with honesty. “He’s very talented and achieved so much, I always looked up to him, and still after our debut, there’s so much to learn from him.” You blurt it all at once out, not sure why you even went with so many details on your long-term crush on one of the most untouchable idols. You heavily exhale in relief, expecting a change of topic. 

“So, you would date him?” The interviewer decides to not give you an easy time. Surprise. 

“Well, your question was on ideal type,” you flash the audience with your elegant smile which they return with applause and you finally feel free when the next question has nothing to do with crushes and dating. 

That day you come back to your shared dorm with members, tiredly plopping on your favorite couch. 

“How bad was that, be honest,” you almost threaten Rinjea with your discerning stare. 

“It was just fine, stop it, unnie,” you are pretty sure you’ve heard that for the 10th time but it still doesn’t feel like the truth. “Plus, Jungkook is like the most unbothered and arrogant person, he probably will never even hear about this interview.” She brushes you off, again, but this time it works and you loosen up a little. 

The worst that can happen is being made fun of by your friends and that was the last thing on your mind. You scoff to yourself, were you really worried about Jeon Jungkook watching your interview? 

As time goes by, the worries vanish into thin air. Even though your secret crush is not so secret anymore, the general public discusses that with tenderness on how bold you were to confess that. 

Besides, there were no chances of you randomly bumping into Jungkook as BTS stopped performing on music shows. The only place for you to meet him is the upcoming year-end award shows, but by the time you start attending them with your group, your little awkward moment in the interview is long forgotten by you. 

However, the whole “being teased by your peers” thing happens anyway as on one of your very rare days off you find time to finally catch up with your only friend in this industry (besides your members, of course), Harin, who was not only a member of a group that debuted a year before you and a great artist but also a part-time personal provider of gossips on K-pop industry for you. 

“No, but why on earth you mentioned Jeon Jungkook out of all people!” She exclaims and you almost jump in your seat looking around you. It’s a Sunday morning; the cafe that you both decided to meet at is almost empty but you still feel unnerved mentioning any names. 

“Why not? I always liked him,” as you say that you are reminded by the disbelief on Harin’s face that you’ve never actually mentioned that to her before. “And nothing controversial about appreciating other musicians’ talent.”

“Talent my ass,” Harin scoffs, shaking her head. “You really know nothing about him, ____? ”

“I don’t understand.”

“Of course, our little naive ____,” she lets out a long sigh of pity, leaving you absolutely puzzled at this whole situation. “Let’s put it that way, he’s known for his promiscuous ways, if you know what I mean.”

“I don’t understand,” you reiterate yourself, drawing your brows together, growing angry with your friend. You never idealized your favorite artists, but this sounded more like some cheap gossip, and you couldn’t stand that. “If anything, I’ve heard the opposite about him and his members.”

“Well, that’s all a facade,” she folds her arms across her chest sensing the lack of trust. “And if I told you that I experienced that first-hand, you wouldn’t believe that either?” She snorts. 

“You’ve slept with Jungkook?” Something between a high-pitched squeal and a whisper leaves your mouth. You could’ve never imagined this conversation would lead to this. And you hate the little prickle of jealousy and disappointment from this unwanted discovery. 

“Hah, he wishes,” your friend scoffs, pure amusement lingering on her face now that you are more invested in this conversation. “He tried to get into my pants, but I totally turned him down. I mean it’s like an indicator of no self-worth if you get involved with dudes like him.” You process Harin’s words wide-eyed, all of that still sounds as if about someone else, but you can’t naively deny that. “I guess they’re just like everyone else, using their status to get to girls and then run their mouths about them, ruining poor naive girls’ reputations.”

And that was your last straw. You knew you didn’t have the right to judge other people’s personal life but if Harin’s words were true, that was terribly disappointing for you. 

“I can’t believe that… that’s atrocious,” this conversation leaves a bitter taste of disappointment on your tongue that you’re not sure will be able to get rid of any time soon. “And I’ve never even heard about it!”

“You’re lucky you know me and can count on me warning you about douchebags like him.”

_________

Jungkook doesn’t remember when exactly he started falling into that rabbit hole. First, he watched the infamous interview, chuckling to himself smugly. Next, he listened to your group’s debut mini-album, replaying with special attentiveness songs in which you participated in the creation process. 

It’s been two weeks now, and his “for you” page was flooding with you. It was almost unbearable, and Jungkook would gladly get mad at someone if he wasn’t the one to blame. Well, your songs were good, to say the least. And in every performance, his gaze was automatically searching for you. There was something about you that was exceptionally enthralling to Jungkook; maybe it was how poised you always were, carrying yourself with elegance, while your younger members were always wild and loud. They could afford to be reckless and careless, as you were taking a lot of responsibilities on yourself. 

Jungkook was suddenly intrigued by you, wondering what type of person you actually were, as you never gave in any details about yourself except for your love for music and performing. He couldn’t explain it, but he had this confidence that you two would easily get along. 

“I bet our Jungkookie knows all Bunnies’ songs by heart now,” Jimin teases him while taking a break from practicing, noticing the song that is currently on repeat in Jungkook’s headphones. 

Jungkook closes his eyes, trying to ease exhaustion from hours and hours of practice for the upcoming big performance that they’re preparing for the award show. As he immerses into the song in his headphones (which is by pure coincidence written by you), he suddenly lights up with a genius, almost cute, idea (in his opinion). What if he approaches you tomorrow backstage and says hi? It wouldn’t hurt anyone, right? He hasn’t done that since… he can’t even remember, but surely he could try to get to know you and thank you for your kind words and even profess his own new-found love for your music. He is so intrigued by that idea and thrilled with the anticipation of your reaction, that he feels a sudden rush of energy. 

Oh, he can’t wait to see. 

_________

To Jungkook’s frustration, his plan utterly fails during the first day of the award ceremony; for some reason, you are always out of his sight and when he can finally approach you — your members are right by your side. The same pattern follows the next day, and the day after that. 

Jungkook starts growing impatient with you, even though he knows it’s out of your control — you are a leader, after all, and you can’t let your group be on their own. And you are absolutely oblivious to the fact that Jungkook wants to have a tete-a-tete moment with you. At some point, he even wonders if there’s a chance that you’re deliberately avoiding him, as he can’t catch even a fleeting glance from you. Maybe you’re just shy and careful, he calms himself, and in that case, he must meet you in person and reassure you that everything is fine.

It seems that luck was in his favor this time, as your group members were asked to leave the ceremony early for the reasons unknown to him, leaving you all alone. Jungkook can only pray that all his secretive peeking at you wasn’t captured by any fan cams. And when the ceremony is coming to an end, he notices how you start leaving earlier, not waiting for the usual curtain call where everyone gets on stage and says final goodbyes to the audience. 

Maybe you were anxious about big crowds, especially now, when you were all by yourself. Oh, how Jungkook wishes he would have been able to keep you company. While you walk through the seats, Jungkook manages to steal a glance at you without the usual precautions, as everyone’s attention is on you now anyway. 

You look beautiful, as always, he thinks to himself. Something devilish in that white short dress that you are confidently rocking tonight. He could watch you and the way you elegantly carry yourself all day, attentively studying your enchanting features. Oh, how Jungkook wishes he could stare at you freely but as soon as you walk behind the stage, he forces himself to shift his attention back to the stage, nervously shaking his leg. 

After you, a couple of other idols are following your example, rushing backstage before the official closing of the ceremony and Jungkook deems that’s a perfect opportunity. He throws something about promising to return soon behind him, to his members, and races backstage. His heart frantically hammering against his chest left him wondering when was the last time that he felt so free and alive. 

_________

You enter the waiting room of your group, but as the girls had to leave earlier, you are left in solitude which you, quite frankly, don’t mind. It’s the last event of this year that you had to attend. December was insanely filled with work; you would have never imagined that this one day could have been your life. You still can’t grasp if debuting was the right decision; it was hard being a trainee and life was getting only harder and harder now. Well, this is just life and work that you chose for yourself. 

While you were caught in your thoughts, the sound of opening a door goes almost unnoticed by you. But then it is followed immediately by some coughing, almost begging for your attention. You frown at the sudden intrusion and turn around. 

There he was. Jeon Jungkook himself awkwardly standing in your group’s waiting room, nervously pulling at the back of his neck. What the hell? You have never seen him this up close, and god was he the most beautiful human being that you’ve ever seen? Easily. You can’t take your eyes off him, mesmerized by the way his in-life beauty makes you think that photos don’t do him justice by failing to capture his true beauty. 

“Hello…I guess?” he’s searching for your eyes but instead, you grant him a respectful bow, which makes him chuckle with a clear disappointed undertone to it. “No need for that, please.”

At first, when his nervousness took over him, you were caught off guard — that wasn’t aligning with all the rumors that you heard about him. Maybe this was his way to charm you? How many girls has he tricked with that slick image of shyness?

You froze at your place, perplexed by his words. Well, what is he here for then? “Sorry, Jungkook sunbaenim.” 

“Just call me Jungkook,” he heavily sighs, eyes wandering around the room. 

“You can take a seat… Jungkook,” you tentatively motion to him; the awkward silence fills the room. 

You try to suppress all your emotions. You can only hope that your stiffness comes across to him as tranquility. It took a lot of self-control, after all, it was still Jeon Jungkook in front of you. It will take some time for you to fully drift his image in your head to the one that adheres to the disappointing reality.

Jungkook scoffs, a little bit irritated with your covert indifference to him. “You weren’t this shy dropping my name in interviews,” he casually states matter-of-factly. 

Your eyes widen at his sudden passive aggression. Whatever he was expecting from you, you disappointed him. But if anything, you believe that you are the one who has a right to be angry at him after discovering frustrating details about his personal life. 

“And I truly meant that,” you habitually slightly bow your head which irritates him a little bit. Yet you still don’t understand what he’s so upset about. 

“Doesn’t seem like that,” he is still standing by the door, now confidently leaning on it. “More like just another attention-seeker, using our group’s name to promote yourself.” 

His cruel and baseless accusation strikes you painfully. 

“I’m sorry but you have no right to blame me like that,” you pause for a second, trying to catch your breath as you hear your voice cracking from despair, “and I don’t understand why you are being so mean.” 

You see Jungkook’s tensed features soften slightly, a look of concern flourishing on his face from your shaky voice. “Fine, sorry, don’t know what’s gotten into me,” his voice now calming and soothing which resembles more his angelic singing voice that you adore so much. “I was very excited to see you in person, couldn’t wait for the right moment… so I decided to not wait any longer.”

His sudden confession and change of tone leave you utterly perplexed, why would Jeon Jungkook want to meet you? If anything, it should’ve been the other way around. “Me?” You point at yourself, still baffled by his words. “Why would you…”

“I somehow became a big fan, I guess,” you quirk an eyebrow at his “somehow” in dismay, but don’t interrupt. “You are a great artist, your songs…can’t stop listening to them,” he blurts it all out at once, a shade of nervousness back in his voice.

You look at him shocked, how is he telling you all these nice words that you dreamed of telling him? The world seems unreal now. 

“I don’t know what to say…I just…thank you very much,” you bow again despite his previous plea. “And I can’t believe that you are saying this because what I said during that interview, I truly meant that. You are one of the reasons why I decided to pursue singing.” 

Professing your gratitude to Jungkook and BTS was one of your dreams and you couldn’t miss this opportunity. However, the familiar tension and awkwardness were back between you two. 

It’s clear to you now how Jungkook was trying to get rid of that, but you were too resistant to talk casually with him. Not only because of respect: whether he liked it or not, he still was your senior and it was not easy to just treat him as your equal. But as much as you tried, Harin’s words about him were getting to your head. If everything Harin’s said was true, then he definitely wasn’t the best person to get close to. You would never want to do anything that could somehow damage your group’s reputation. It wouldn’t be fair to girls. 

Of course, you don’t even assume that he would be interested in you in that way, but that wasn’t particularly your concern. You knew yourself, and you knew very well that if he tried to make a move on you, you simply couldn’t resist him. And that was scaring you the most. So the least you can do is to stop whatever he’s trying to initiate before it’s too late. 

“_____, please, I really appreciate your words but I was hoping we could drop all these formalities,” his lips are lightly curled in a smile and your heart skips a beat at that sight. 

You cast a glance at his lightened up face, his doe eyes sparkling with sincerity. Your heart aches, how could Jungkook standing in front of you be the same person who Harin warned you about? After all, maybe he is genuine with you now and has no ulterior motives.

“If it’s because of the setting,” he points around, “then we could meet in more casual circumstances,” your eyes widen in shock, anticipating his next words. “We can hang out when both of our schedules match,” he suggests innocently and you feel your heart shrinking. Harin was right. 

“You can’t be serious,” you mutter, shaking your head. “I can’t believe that.”

Jungkook looks at you worriedly, taking a step closer to you. “I don’t understand, what’s wrong?”

You chuckle at his deceiving concern, whatever role he’s playing now, he’s too good, you almost feel ashamed for accusing him of having bad intentions, but you have to set aside your naivety and face the truth. “I can’t believe I am a fan of someone like you.”

“What’s wrong, I don’t understand. You said on national TV that you liked me, and now you act like me suggesting to get to know each other is a crime,” he raises his voice, and you can clearly hear that he’s hurt. 

“And you thought it was an open invitation?” You cross your hands. Only a month ago you would give anything for a little conversation with Jungkook, and now, you were arguing with him, fully enraged. “Besides, that was before I learned about your true nature.”

“Oh…that’s interesting,” Jungkook teasingly claims, making himself comfortable while plopping on the only couch in your dressing room. “Tell me more about it,” to your surprise, he became uplifted for no particular reason, his full attention dedicated to you only. 

“I know that you…” you’re startled by his attentive gaze, eyeing you up and down. And how are you supposed to formulate why exactly you’re upset with him? “I know you unabashedly use your status to get to…to use girls and then spread misinformation that ruins their reputation,” you pause to catch a breath. “You’re insane if you think I would ever get involved with someone like you.”

To your astonishment, he starts laughing leaving you dumbfounded. Jungkook leans his head back, not able to contain the laughter. “This one is definitely entertaining.”

“What do you mean ‘this one’?”

“The nonsense that you just told me, was quite amusing. Haven’t heard that type of thing in a long time,” he reproaches you while tilting his head to the side. 

“Nothing funny about treating other people so disgracefully,” you still stand your ground. “I’ve heard it from a reliable source,” you sound ridiculous to yourself but you don’t think it would be wise to say Harin’s name. What if he is actually dangerous?  

“As a fan you surely have little faith in me” he chuckles bitterly. “I shouldn’t have come here,” he mumbles to himself, the disappointment and pain in his voice almost breaking you. He tightens his lips together, jaw clenched. You know confronting him was the right thing to do. But why does it still hurt so badly? 

“If that was your intention all along, then yes. This was a mistake. ”

————

The bitter aftertaste of meeting Jungkook doesn’t leave you even after a week. You’re torn inside, feeling both guilty for causing him pain and angry for deceiving you and other millions of fans that he’s a nice person. Of course, he didn't owe anyone anything but it still made you cry yourself to sleep for several nights. You were constantly rewinding your conversation with him before sleep, trying to hold on to every little detail in your memory.

Harin turned out to be right — not that you doubted your friend’s words for a second — but still, Jungkook’s genuine disappointment with you felt more personal than just a guy being turned down from getting laid. And it was driving you insane, making you question your decision more and more. A torturing feeling that there was some missing part to this whole story that you couldn’t get hold of.

You desperately needed to discuss it with someone; your members never found out about what happened that day, and you weren’t ready to reveal his true nature to more people. 

Fortunately, during New Year’s week off, your schedule matched with Harin’s and you decided to invite her to your dorm, making it easier to discuss everything without filtering your conversations. 

“How were your holidays, tell me all about it,” you ask, as you both sit on the floor in your room, a bunch of food and snacks presented in front of you that you barely managed to save from your younger members’ eyes. 

“Well…” Harin starts grinning happily, making you excited for the upcoming story. “Guess who actually got to kiss someone special on Midnight.”

Your eyes widen, finally, some good news to talk about! 

“Girl, good for you!” You nudge your friend teasingly. “But with whom?” 

“Seojun from XTQ1,” she squeals from excitement and you try to seem delighted to match her energy. That name doesn’t ring a bell, and you’re not sure if you have ever heard about that group either. 

“I mean, who would have thought, right?” She continues to introduce you to her love story and you were truly happy for Harin.“Only a week before that I embarrassingly tried to hit on the one and only Jeon Jungkook,” Harin chuckles as if not believing that she actually did that. 

Her little remark doesn’t catch you immediately. And when the meaning of her words finally hits you, your heart sinks to your stomach. “Wait, what?” You almost whisper, eyes reverted on your friend. 

“But everything happens for a reason, see? Seojun is such a nice guy, I’m so lucky,” Harin is quick to appease you. 

“No-no, what you said about Jungkook,” you look at her carefully, scared to hear the truth. “You said he was trying to get to hit on you. What happened to that story?”

“Oh, about that…”Harin’sbody tensed immediately at your question. You see her contemplating in her head, as she presses her lips together. “Sorry, I don’t know why I decided to blatantly lie…” She finally gives in and you're left petrified. This is exactly what’s been troubling you since meeting Jungkook in person. “I guess, my ego got bruised by his rejection so badly that I wanted to put him in a bad light,” a nervous laugh escapes her mouth.

“Harin! But how could you?” You almost scream, looking at your friend bug-eyed. “It’s not just bad-mouthing, you made it sound like it was the absolute truth…it could have caused a lot of trouble if you said that to someone else!”

“I mean, I still wasn’t that careless, right?” She forces a laugh while met with disbelief plastered on your face. “I ranted to you out of all people, because I knew you are not the one to gossip around and you are only friends with me,” she says proudly as if that makes this whole situation better. “My delusional nonsense is always safe with you,” still no hint of remorse in her voice.

Somehow, Harin finds this situation awfully funny and it only makes you even more furious. How could she be so reckless with her words? 

“Oh, come on! Don’t be so angry with me,” your friend pleads, growing impatient with the sudden mood change of your conversation that was threatening to ruin your sleepover. “No one would even believe me, everyone knows these dudes are crazy careful, and wouldn’t approach anyone even at gunpoint to not cause even a little rumor.”

Her words cut you, a wave of guilt and shame taking over you. There’s a prick of betrayal as you realize how easily you trusted your only friend in this industry. And it scares you how naturally she lied to you and how facilely you’ve let that lie take over you and hurt Jungkook’s feelings. Now his reaction was making sense to you. And it breaks your heart to know that it was your reaction to his genuine attempt to get to know you. 

________

Jungkook was no stranger to ridiculous rumors and false accusations; both he and his group members have faced that since their careers started taking off. But then you, the person who he was approaching with nothing but sincerity, blamed him for things that he never did, and his heart broke a little. Your disappointment and frustration with him were his last straw. Again, he didn’t know exactly what he was expecting from that meeting with you. Maybe just a nice conversation that could have led to a good friendship and then, maybe, to something more. 

His personal life was almost non-existent at this point. Not only for the sake of maintaining this whole clean and noble reputation. Jungkook was not very fond of one-night stands and was a hopeless romantic, waiting for his one true love. Maybe it was childish but no one could keep him from believing in that. But his relationships could never withstand the crashing waves of his insanely busy schedule and lifestyle. Not something that he could hold against his ex-girlfriends, no matter how many times anyone claimed with their whole chest to be understanding and assuring him that they knew what they were getting into, no one could be prepared for this. He understands that. 

It’s a little bit embarrassing for him to admit to himself that he might have had some hopes for you. He felt like you two could have clicked and understood each other like no one else. Maybe he just fell victim to some idea of you and now he was just feeling the same disappointment as you’ve felt when discovering the stupid rumors about him? 

What’s even worse, Jungkook got reminded, once again, that people liked talking behind his back for no reason, villainizing him at any given chance. After a week, he forced himself to go back to listening to your music. It was still reminding him about sorrowful wasted chances, but he learned to brush it off. After all, it was neither his nor your fault. You didn’t know him personally and weren’t obliged to blindly trust him. 

Just when Jungkook feels like the wound doesn’t hurt him anymore, he receives a strange notice from his manager which invokes a sudden fluttering in his stomach. 

“Her company suggested for you two to film a short collab video with their dance,” his manager stated leaving Jungkook in pure shock. “It was ridiculous how bold they were to even propose this, but then we thought it might be beneficial for everyone. Of course, you don’t need this but Bunnies are super trendy in Korea right now, so it won’t hurt you and your group in general for sure.”

“No, I’m not interested,” Jungkook is quick to answer. He knows this must be your company’s idea, desperately trying to monetize on our innocent statement regarding your ‘crush’ on him. He will spare you with his presence. 

“Right,” his manager nods understandingly. “I actually declined the offer the first time, but the second time their group’s leader, ____, got on the phone herself, convincing me to give her a chance,” the manager shakes his head, remembering your desperate attempt. 

Jungkook freezes at the last words, not believing. And trying his best to not give away his sudden rush of excitement, he’s quick to add. “I think you are right, it won’t hurt me,” and he actually means it. Whatever is the reason behind your unexpected desire to meet with him, it surely can’t make things worse at this point. “Schedule a meeting at my practice room.”

_________

You fidget on your seat while waiting for Jungkook in the practice room at Hybe’s building. Getting here made a lot of fuss, and your managers did a lot of work to get you permission to enter the building as a guest. You were almost sorry to them adding all that stress to their already heavy workload. But you didn’t see any other way for you to apologize to Jungkook. You were determined to do that in person and this excuse of filming a video seemed handy right now. Maybe he will bring an operator or a manager, it would still give you a chance to stay alone with him for some time. 

The sound of the door being closed brings you out of your thoughts and you flinch at your seat. Jungkook was standing still at the door, reminding you of your first unfortunate encounter with him. It’s fine, you think to yourself. You will do your best to apologize to him. 

You get up from your seat, nervously standing. “Hi,” you raise your hand to wave at him. “Thank you for not turning down this meeting.”

You see him scoff, lips pressed together. He’s hesitant. “I’m just slightly intrigued. Why would you want to meet up with someone like me, again?” He quirked an eyebrow at you. 

“Jungkook, I’m very sorry,” you plead, pulling the palms of your hands together. “I shouldn’t have said such stupid things to you. If I could, I’d take that back.” 

You didn’t want to mention Harin as it still was your own choice to not only believe those rumors but also accuse Jungkook of them while meeting him for the very first time. But as you watch him fold his arms across his wide chest, you start contemplating. Maybe it was still worth mentioning…

“It doesn’t make things any better but, just so you know, I’ve heard that from a very close friend, I just couldn’t imagine that she would straight up lie to me,” you blurted hoping to see any change in him. 

But he only sneers at you, nibbling at his lower lip. “Well, maybe it was all true, then what?” 

You are startled by his question but still, make a step towards him. “I know none of that is true, I’m sorry,” you try to emphasize each of your words. 

“What if some of it was true?” Jungkook makes several steps forward, reducing the distance between you two drastically.

“What do you mean? I know it’s not,” puzzled with his determination to prove you wrong, you search for his eyes. His gaze now has darkened, doe eyes filled with blazing anticipation. 

“What if I told you that your stupid and untrustworthy friend was right about one thing?” He steps forward again, your bodies suddenly at a dangerously short distance from each other. 

You sigh feeling the overflowing warmth of his body. What was he doing now? Is this some wicked way of trying to scare you off? You try to retreat, taking a step back but you almost tumble on the sofa behind you but Jungkook quickly catches you, grabbing your forearms. 

You feel the heat rushing to your cheeks, hating that it must be so obvious to him how nervous you’re. And well, almost falling on the couch (that you were very well aware of) is probably not making you look confident either. 

“Are you scared now?” He smirks, hands still on your arms even though you’re not planning to fall anymore 

“Stop asking so many questions,” you snap at him to your own surprise. “I came to apologize but now you decide to live up to my stupid accusation? This is ridiculous.” 

“Oh, look how brave you are now,” he dramatically sighs in amusement. “But I said there was one truth to your claims. Can you guess it?” He leans down to you, making it impossible for you to escape his warmth. 

“No,” you say blinking up at him, head not thinking straight anymore. “I have no idea what you’re insinuating,” you say honestly. Of course, there’s a stupid hope growing inside of you that he’s interested in you but you try to not let it get to your head. Jeon Jungkook is interested in you? It even sounds ridiculous. 

“You were right. I wanted to get to know you because I liked you,” the sharpness of his gaze cuts through the electricity filling the room. You raise your eyebrows, unable to look away from him. “Does that scare you?” His honey-laced voice is like music to your ears, how could you resist?

“No,” you are startled by the firmness in your own voice. He's taken aback by your response just as much as you are, searching for a hint of doubt in your eyes. And you know that there’s none when you feel his thumb caressing your arm; a simple gesture to which you feel your stomach tightening. 

“Really?” He raises an eyebrow at you, but you know he doesn’t need an answer anymore. “Is that because now you know that it all was only for you?” He leans closer to your face, his warm breath brushing your skin making you crave more. “That I only got my eyes on you?” He looks at you one more time, a smug grin plastered on his enthralling lips. 

You nod, biting on your lower lip, having no idea where this whole situation is leading to. “Yes.” 

Jungkook’s lips finally meet the skin of your jaw, and you let out a sigh from this long-awaited closeness. His hands fall on your hips while his lips leave a trail of kisses from your jaw to your neck. You lean your head back trying to give him more space at which he chuckles satisfied. “Good girl,” his whisper hits your neck and you feel warmth flooding your body. Your hands slide around his neck, pulling him closer as you desperately need more of him. 

Jungkook doesn’t need to be asked twice and he buries his face in your neck, leaving wet kisses making you close your eyes in pleasure. 

“Jungkook, please,” you whimper, needing to finally feel him on your lips. “Kiss me,” you beg him.

Your eyes shut open when you’re hit with coldness after his lips leave your neck. But then you are met with Jungkook’s eyes, looking at you in anticipation. You can see he’s needy just like you, licking his lower lip. 

“Come here,” he rasps and you finally feel his breath hitting your lips while his fingers dig deeper into your hips. 

You never even dared to imagine what it would be like to kiss Jungkook, but when his lips meet yours you feel an unknown sensational feeling filling every inch of your body. How is he so good? You let out a quiet moan as his soft tongue pokes out, desperately entering your mouth. 

Kissing Jungkook felt natural, so perfect, you weren’t sure you could ever get enough of that. He was taking his time exploring you, attentive to every response of your body to his actions. 

You brush your hand through his silky hair, pulling him even closer to you, needing to dive deeper into the kiss. Jungkook groans into your mouth, feeling your confident touches on him. His hands start traveling up from your hips, discovering every curve of your body. You arch your back towards his touches, hands on his chest. 

Your body tenses as you feel him beckoning you to the couch behind you, still not breaking the kiss. You are both nervous and thrilled at this. Are you really doing this with Jungkook at his workplace? You must be out of your mind, for sure. But it was hard to be your usual restrained self around Jungkook. 

When he carefully places you on the sofa, you almost whimper in despair as he breaks the kiss to stand up. But then you see him teasingly smile at you as he reaches for your shorts, sliding them down your legs, every touch of his hands with your body sends shivers down your spine. You start feeling an unbearable pulsation between your legs when Jungkook, hovering above you, studies every part of your body that’s exposed to him now. His hungry gaze traveled up and down, teeth biting down on his lips. 

He reaches for the hem of your shirt, determined to get rid of it as well. But you put your hand over his, stopping him. You’re frustrated with that as much as he is, but it’s probably the last remnant of consciousness kicking in now. 

“Next time?” He arches an eyebrow at you. Is there gonna be  next time? But you just nod, questions later. 

Jungkook seems content with the deal as his hand immediately trails down, leaving his attempt to take off your shirt. Finally, he dives back to you, your lips meeting again, in a more passionate and needy kiss, mouths melting together. When Jungkook places himself between your legs, you feel the weight of his body perfectly pressed against yours. 

“I want to feel you, Jungkook,” he catches the moan escaping your lips. You frown, angry at the clothes separating you from feeling the warmth of his skin fully. But not here, next time, you remind yourself. 

“Oh, don’t worry about that, baby,” he grants you a mischievous smile. And then his hand slides down, reaching your wetness. Jungkook’s gaze fixed on you, enjoying how your eyelids flutter closed. 

You feel Jungkook’s body shudder as he dips his fingers inside of you and you squeeze your eyes shut, groaning. “So wet, and it’s all for me, baby?” 

“Yes, for you, Jungkook,” you whine as he goes back to your neck, leaving there wet kisses as he continues to slide his fingers inside you all the way in and back out a few times, taking his time with his long strokes. You hear his raspy growl as he’s getting used to how tight and soft your pussy is.

You arch your back, rolling your hips towards him, trying to meet him and get deeper and deeper. Jungkook moves his fingers up, rubbing your clit. 

“Jungkook, I can’t,” you let out a whimper, wanting more of him, spreading your legs wider for him. 

“Oh, baby, but you can, you are perfectly made for this,” his low voice makes you shiver around his fingers. Jungkook doesn’t intend to slow down, as his fingers continue to pump you in a deep and steady pace, coming out only to swirl around your clit. 

“I want to feel you, please,” you pant lustfully. Since when you were so brave?  

You don’t expect Jungkook to obey your words immediately, but this time he doesn’t make you suffer any longer. You watch as he rises up, reaching for the backpack right next to the sofa, fumbling in the pocket. He starts to grow impatient as he can’t seemingly find what he’s looking for, which also kills you. And then he finally pulls out a condom, tearing it open with his teeth. You watch him in awe, turned on by his eagerness. 

He lowers his sweatpants and you heavily sigh as he pulls out his big and hard cock. Your heart pounders against your chest as you watch him roll the condom on. Jungkook breathes hard, and you feel his body finally back on yours. He pushes aside your panties, rubbing his tip against you and you throw your head back, not sure how you’ll be able to wait any longer for him. Your pussy throbbing as he reaches for your lips again in a kiss, only to break it again a moment later, to watch your face when he places his cock between your legs. 

He slowly enters you, watching how you let out a moan. He’s thrusting his hips steadily, and you stretch around him. Jungkook sinks deeper into you, twisting his arm around your waist. You feel your nipples harden against the fabric of your bra and curse to yourself again for not taking it off earlier. 

Jungkook frowns as he buries himself deeper and deeper into you. “Fuck, ____,” he mumbles to your ears and you spread your legs wider, letting him pull out his full length and thrust back in, stretching you. 

You gasp at the feeling of his cock filling you, rolling your hips towards him each time, craving for more and more. “Jungkook, it’s so good,” you lick his neck, trailing it with kisses while your body shivers under him. 

Jungkook starts fastening his pace and you close your eyes shut, sliding your hands down his thighs, gripping his ass, and pressing him even closer to you as he thrusts harder and rougher now. 

You feel his hand behind your back, cupping your ass to nestle in his dick deeper, you hear him panting as he quickens his thrusts, and lewd noises shamelessly filling the practice room. His cock nudges you deep inside and you cry out, pussy clenching around Jungkook as you break loose. 

“Oh, God, Jungkook!” You throw your head back, pulling Jungkook into a deep, passionate kiss as he continues to fuck you faster. 

Jungkook watches how you drown in pleasure, your body trembling under him. He pushes in and out one more time and you see how he shuts his eyes, groaning in your mouth as he stops, body shuddering. He relaxes on top of you, as you trail your hands up and down his back, both of you heavy breathing. 

You lay like that for some time more, both of you adamant to let go of each other. Why would you ever want to leave his arms when it felt so right, so perfect to be cuddled with each other? 

Jungkook places small kisses on your face and you let out jolly giggles and then reality hits you. You froze, eyes glaring at him horrified. “ What if someone heard us? Fuck, I totally forgot about that!”

You pushed him from yourself, forcing him to stand up. Jungkook watches you hurriedly put on your shorts, brushing your hair while looking at the mirror, hoping to make yourself presentable again. He drawly pulls back his sweatpants. “Come on, it’s a practice room. It has some soundproof thing to it, don’t worry.”

“Gosh, Jungkook, we didn’t even bother to put on some music,” you sigh desperately, grabbing your head, thinking back to everything that happened. 

“Well, we obviously had more important things to worry about, right?” Jungkook smirks, approaching from behind, giving you a back hug, hands firmly on your waist. 

You look at both of your reflections in the mirror and almost gasp. Who would have thought that you would end up like this? 

You have no time to rack your brain on that any longer as you hear loud raps on the door. You look back at both of you, to make sure you both look decent. Well, your hair is a mess, your cheeks are blazing red, and Jungkook is not any better. 

You stare in panic at Jungkook but he just smiles, calmly opening the door and letting in the intruder. Well, at least, it seems like the door was locked, you think to yourself as your blood runs cold realizing that you didn’t even worry about shutting the door before getting on the couch with Jungkook. 

“Are you done with the dancing video?” A man enters the room and you recognize his voice. You talked with him on the phone, begging him to let you come here. 

“Yes!” You scream, surprising both Jungkook and his manager. “I believe we are done,” you say calmly, lowering your voice. 

“Are you sure you've finished?” Jungkook looks at you innocently, and you feel your cheeks burning red again. “I’m sure we can still make better takes, don’t you think so, ____ ?” 

Oh, right. The dancing video, the reason why you came here in the first place. You almost forgot about your excuse. You breathe out in relief but then met with Jungkook’s hazed eyes and a cocky grin, you realize his question isn’t so innocent after all. 

“Yeah, you’re right. We can definitely do some more takes.”

____________ 

any feedback is highly appreciated, please let me know your thoughts <;3 

[hhonghu]

I am resisting the urge to bombard you with sub yandere thirsts while you're working and will limit it to only one

Sub yandere Kabukimono

He has absolutely no idea what he's feeling or why he's feeling it, but he knows he really wants you to stay with him- maybe Niwa gives him a bit of encouragement and our lovely, naïve Kabukimono takes it the obsessive wrong way?

More of a general idea than a thirst, but I really really like it

[Thirst]!

hehehe don't be shy to share more anon >:) i'm happy to see my inbox from anyone and i love this idea of sub yandere kabukimono

oh, poor kabukimono.. he feels so conflicted! he doesn't understand what he's feeling in his chest, it frustrates him! he just love's you so much, it feels wrong when you pay attention to someone else. you have have him! you have him by your side, why do you look somewhere else? the frustration gets to him so much that even niwa notices it. he couldn't help but ask what was bothering him and kabukimono almost cries out. "niwa.. i'm so upset.. [name]..", "did they do something wrong?" kabukimono shakes his head, no no! you can never do anything wrong, it was just.. "niwa.. it's just i feel so sad.. i really love [name].. i want them by my side all the time, i don't want them to keep looking at anyone else.. niwa, what do i do?"

niwa felt pity on him, he guessed that kabukimono was just feeling overwhelmed for what he feels for you. "uh.. kabukimono listen, what you feel is normal for [name]. they love you back, don't they? they love you just as much you love them, there's no need to be insecure." but kabukimono shakes his head again, it is not enough. "niwa.. you don't understand.. this feeling.. i want them all for myself, there is no one else suited for them other than me. no one can compare to me, ever." niwa's eyes widen, kabukimono changed. but he shakes it away, chalking it up to his intense love for you.

"i'm sure that you're right, you don't worry about it much. they wouldn't confess their love for you if they didn't feel the same way. they know your worth to them, kabukimono and you've proven yourself that." niwa pats his back to add for comfort, "their yours, everyone knows that. if you want, you can ask [name] to prove it to you." niwa thinks that kabukimono just needed reassurance from you, afterall you were popular with people and he was just as a student learning a craft, so it was understandable that kabukimono would feel rather insignificant if there was other people next to you most of the time.

kabukimono thought for a second before agreeing with niwa. that's right, [name] could prove to me that i'm the only one for them and no one else. kabukimono thanked niwa and decided to come visit you tonight.

when night came, he set out to your home and knocked. he didn't tell you he was coming over so you assumed it was someone else and opened the door to reveal a seemingly desperate kabukimono and lett him in. "ah, darling, it's you. you should've—" you cut yourself off, feeling his body crashing into yours. you wrapped your arms around him before your back hits the ground making your groan in pain. "o-ow! darling, is something the matter?" he nuzzles his head to your chest and nods, pitiful sounds can be heard escaping his lips. you lay your head down on the floor and brought your hand to his head, carding through his hair with your fingers. "what's wrong?"

"[name].. i'm yours.. please.. i can't take it anymore... you can't have anyone else.. i—" he hiccups as pretty tears slide down his cheek, his hands roaming around your body and pawing at your shirt as if you'll disappear. you glace at him confused before cooing at him, how cute. "[na-name], please.. say i'm yours.. i belong to you.. that hic— there can't be anyone else, right?" his glossy eyes bore back into yours and you nod. "of course, there isn't anyone anyone else i want than you. i love you and you love me, don't you?" he nods, sniffling at your words. "you're mine. your heart, your mind, and your body is all mine. you're a smart boy, darling. you belong to me and no one else." you can feel him hump your thigh, not so subtly rocking his hips as you keep saying words of possession to him. kabukimono felt his entire feel warm, he needed to hear more. he wanted more of you to stake claim of him.

he sat up on your thighs and began to loosen his shirt, pulling it down to reveal his already hardened nipples. his hands grabs yours, slowly dragging until it reaches his chest, his fingers guiding your thumb to press on his hard nubs, making him moan. "i-it's not enough.. prove it.. play with me, [name]. do anything to me, please.." you stare in awe before smiling.

"of course, darling."

heheheeh yandere kabukimono innocently feeling sily to kill people bc they're a little too close to you lol. thank you anon for the food!! ^^

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Toad's Turnpike Debut: Mario Kart 64

Ah, Mario Kart 64, an iconic game for many reasons. It was the first 3D Mario Kart game, the first game to feature the Spiny Shell, the first Mario Kart where you could select Wario, and also the first good Mario Kart game! Or maybe it also sucks, and I'm just blinded by nostalgia. It is the first game I ever played.

While Mario Kart 64 featured many of the same course themes as Super Mario Kart, it also introduced a handful of new ones into the fold, like "busy highway!" Toad's Turnpike is the first course in the Mario Kart series where you have to dodge traffic. Now, holding a go-kart race on an active road might seem dangerous, but thankfully, having gotten my license earlier this year, I learned that driving on a road is what you're supposed to do, so it's probably fine.

What's NOT fine however, is driving against the flow of traffic! In Mario Kart 64, Toad's Turnpike is infamous for its Mirror Mode layout, where not only is the layout of the course mirrored, but the cars will move in the opposite direction as well! The penalty for crashing into a car is pretty severe in this game, and combined with the brutal CPUs who love to cheat, Mirror Mode Toad's Turnpike ends up being a very difficult race.

The Mirror Mode variant ties into a mechanic in Mario Kart 64 where the speed of cars will change depending on the cc. Are you late on the commute to work? Too bad! Toad has declared that he's doing a 50cc race today, and as the owner of this turnpike, you BETTER abide by his speed limit...!

But why are you commuting on Toad's Turnpike in the first place?! This road just loops back in on itself, with nowhere to get off! Heck, there's nowhere to get on, really, either. I have no idea how you or anyone else got into such a precarious situation. This is true of nearly every traffic course (besides Mushroom City), but this post isn't about any of those.

But what if I told you the cars may not be real cars at all...? You see, in Mario Kart 64, the cars on this course have no hit detection with anything besides the player. Items will pass straight through them, and so will any racer that's currently in a star. Is it possible these cars... are GHOSTS...? Jeepers! It would seem that after being trapped on this road for so long, that all the cars died off, and now nothing but phantoms remain...

You can still crash into phantom cars though, so be careful while driving.

It would seem that Mayor Toad of Toad City thought that something had to be done about his turnpike's ghost problem, so in the time between Mario Kart 64 and Mario Kart 8, he had a service station built on the side of the road. This must have worked out big time, as the cars have proper hit detection now! Hooray for necromancy!

Mayor Toad did not, however, pour any funds into building roads in and out of Toad's Turnpike. In fact, he turned the starting line into a toll gate, meaning not only are you trapped on Toad's Turnpike, but you have to pay for every lap you drive! The course was also scaled down quite a bit, meaning you'll be passing the starting line much more often. Clearly, the government of Toad City is very corrupt.

I guess this is my segue into talking about the Mario Kart 8 version of this course, huh? If I'm being honest, I don't like this version of the course nearly as much! But it's not really for anything that has to do with the gameplay...

Sure, it's disappointing that Mirror Mode no longer reverses the flow of traffic. Sure, the anti-gravity walls feel shoehorned in and kind of defeat the purpose of the course. Sure, the road being widened and the track being scaled down makes the cars much easier to dodge, and getting hit is much less impactful than before.

But none of those things really bother me. I mean, they added cars with glider ramps and whatnot! It's definitely easier than the N64 version, but I do think it gains some from its more dynamic elements. But you see, the reason I don't like the Mario Kart 8 version of Toad's Turnpike is because of a much more egrigious sin:

The vibes are off.

You see, the thing I love the most about Toad's Turnpike in Mario Kart 64 is the atmosphere. You know I'm a sucker for good atmosphere! It affected a few placements in those Galaxy rankings I haven't touched in like a year! But yeah, between the late sunset skybox, the excellent music, and the remote feeling of it all, Toad's Turnpike in Mario Kart 64 is a course with A+ vibes. Between that and its unique obstacles, it becomes a highlight of the game for me despite a pretty bland layout.

With Mario Kart 8's version, the time of day was shifted from the late evening to the middle of the night, the music was given a new arrangement that's much more energetic, and the course was reimagined as being in the middle of a big city. I definitely get what they were going for—the big city theming fits the highway environment, and it definitely feels more fitting for a fast-paced racing game. But to me at least, the relaxing evening drive feeling of Toad's Turnpike is a lot of what I loved about the original, and I feel like that was ultimately lost in the remake.

Despite my complaining, I find it important to emphasize that change is not an inherently bad thing! It's good to appreciate the things in our past, sure, but nostalgia can be a prison of our own making! People who refuse to accept change often end up like the Old Norm, grumbling about pronouns and rainbow beer. Heck, Rainbow Road is another course with great vibes from Mario Kart 64 that got a massive aesthetic overhaul in Mario Kart 8, and I love how they handled that remake! Sometimes you just gotta learn to appreciate the new and the old on their own merits.

With that out of the way, the changes made to Toad's Turnpike were bad and I don't like them. They totally should've kept the sunset.

[flowerfreya]

Dr. Dad

part 1

This picks up where we left off from part 1. I am still learning how to link post and such so cut me some slack please lol

Pairing : Simon "Ghost" Riley / Reader

The reader is a 5th year resident that just had a baby with Simon who is an Attending. The reader does not want anyone to know that they are together until she makes fellow at the hospital.

He lets out a little smirk. His face turns serious for a moment. 

“My love know you don't have to come back to work so soon”

You sigh you knew that was coming. He’s been saying this since you told him that you were going back to work last week after you placed Bella into her bassinet. He was silent for a while just standing in the doorway of the bathroom. 

Looking at you. 

Assessing you. 

Trying to think of something to say to convince you not to do. 

 You had a relatively easy birth, having the birth of the baby at the hospital closest to your home and not the one you work at. It's not that you don't want anyone to know about you and Simon but , the relationship started when you were on his surgical rotation which is not allowed. You did let HR know about the relationship after you were off his rotation and the start date of your relationship officially is when you started your oncology rotation, which you really needed support for anyway.

When you fell pregnant you told Simon almost immediately. It was not an ideal time , you were a fifth year resident with little to no time on your hands , drowning in student loan debt, and you're barely making 60k a year. Simon on the other hand is an attending physician with over 6 years of experience in the field and 3 years working at the hospital. He was happy and together you let the medical director know about the relationship and pregnancy and those are the only people you told. 

When you started to show , there was a lot of rumors surrounding you.

It has to be one of the other residents , its the xrays tech baby , she always gets her patient pushed to the front 

You did nothing to dispel the talk, much to Simon’s disagreement.

“Let me say something”, he says one night after a 16 hour day. 

“You can say something , just don't say that your mine” you say 

You have an issue with being hyper independent, you realize that in fact a little to much. You love Simon but you let him know that you will be a working mom , you will be keeping your last name, and no one will know that you are dating Simon until you make Fellow , which is why you need to get back to work. 

Your mother was a godsend and also retired so when you called and let her know you were going back to work she didn’t try to convince you not to do it she just ask,“how can I help.”

 A knock on the door brings you back to the present. 

You sigh and proceed to unlatch the breast pump and hand them to Simon. He has a mini fridge and you dont trust these other residents to not fuck with your milk. 

Another this time harder and longer 

“One Second” you say brightly. While Simon glares at the door while towards it to unlock it. 

One of the 3rd year residents walks in and looks a little a pale. Lets you know that Graves is looking for you.

"Does he seem upset", You don't really care if he is but you would like to prepare how preppy you should act towards him. You firmly believe in killing people with kindness especially when it has to do with Graves who probably drinks Interns tears for breakfast , lunch and dinner.

"Is he bother you?", Simon ask. To anyone else it sounds like a normal question one of concern from a colleague. But you know he's worried he ask the question like it pains him from going to find Graves and tell him to lay off. No one likes Graves but he technically isn't doing anything wrong , he has the right to kick anyone out of his OR, to make interns scribe all his charts , and terrorize his residents until they rather to scut work then be in presence.

"Nothing that I can't handle" , you smile at him and then look to the resident that was sent to retrieve you.

"I'm right behind you", the resident turns and just about runs out the room.

You hand the milk to Simon and place a quick kiss on his lips, he makes an almost groaning sound and drags you back for another kiss , a deeper kiss with his hand tighting around your hips. You pull away with a little giggle, "I miss you too" you say , your eyes lowering that makes it known exactly what you miss.

You straighten your clothes back up , make sure that you don't look at tired as you seem and head out to another 4 hours of running around like you are fresh intern right from medical school and not a tired mom that just wants to sleep on the couch holding your baby.

[zumicho]

home┊003┊005

004: softness vs. survival

© zumicho all rights reserved. do not repost, modify, steal, plagiarize, or translate my works on any platform.

────────────────────────

on the steps in front of the bakery, there’s a shared silence between you – he finishes the pastry you gave him. you enjoy his company.

it smells like dew and fresh bread.

“how much do you owe?”

“out of everything you could ask me, that’s what you choose?”

he licks jam off his thumb, and catches you getting distracted. “what else would I ask? for your number?” coy.

you look away. “I guess not.”

“why’d you leave without saying? I would’ve made you breakfast.”

“I wouldn’t have let you. plus I needed to get outside. my… ex, texted me. jeez. sorry. tmi.” you’re grimacing.

if he’s bothered, he doesn’t show it. “boyfriend?”

“of 3 years, yeah. douchebag ended it over text, told me not to spread the news because it would make him seem like a jerk.”

eye contact. whether or not it’s pity, you take the opportunity to admire. his eyelashes are long; if you squint enough you notice the speckles of green in his irises.

“ass”

“..what?” you snap out of it.

“he seems like an ass.”

you bite back a smile. “i… that’s one way to put it.”

“there’s no way I’m not paying you for that pastry, if you must know. if you keep giving freebies out, how are you gonna pay the debt you won’t disclose to me?” half-joking, you assume. why does he care so much about the money you lose?

“it’s a lot of money.” you think about telling him.

“didn’t ask that.”

“3 million yen.”

“…oh.”

“suna—“

“call me rin.”

“okay. rin,” you suck in a breath. “I’m perfectly fine with how I manage my finances now, thank you very much, and I sort of owe you.. for.. the other night.” you close your eyes, kicking yourself in your head. why’d you say it like that? made it sound like you did something else..

you’re about to apologize, but he laughs, “I was just trying to have a conversation with you, not become your accountant—“ you open your eyes.

he wanted to say

“you have the sun inside of you and it’s not just smiles. you have an internal being that shines so bright it’s taken my heart in one single night—a childlike spark I hope you’ll never lose. you’re a walking love letter that I will never open out of the fear that I’m falling for you harder than I’ve ever wanted to fall for anyone else. I hope you open that letter. learn to love yourself and heal from the things you don’t speak about. I hope you find someone who brings out the softness in you, not the survival. you deserve that and more.”

instead he said “—and no problem. you’re worth the trouble.”

but that was enough for you. enough for you to feel the same way about him. about each other, yet say nothing about it.

“I need your number if you wanna text. we’re heading back to tokyo today.” rin adds.

“okay. tell the miyas I’ll miss them.”

mentally, he replaces their names with his.

“I will.”

────────────────────────

author’s note: my musicals phase is making a comeback bc tell me why this took me 2 hours instead of the 20 minutes it shouldve took? (hamilton soundtrack start to end, half of the heathers soundtrack, i watched a bit of newsies & watched a cover of eurydice’s parts in hadestown BC ITS MY DREAM ROLE IM SUCH A THEATRE KID GOODBYE — or gretchen from mg)

ness ur truly my motivation to keep writing this smau even tho im slowly running out of inspo for the social media part of the smau 😭 send thoughts & prayers writers block is kicking me in the butt

i feel iffy about this one 😓😓

@phoenix-eclipses @thechaosoflonging @yuminako @nbcvs @tenjikusstuff4 @intergalacticrory @sonicsolos @yenonnoff @wyrcan @cnnmairoll @causenessus @reads-stuff-quietly @giocriedpower @applepi25 @gra-eae @lilchubbyyy @thvvluvr @toges-cough-syrup @steiins @girlkissersco @wolffmaiden @iluvaquaphor

[igotanidea]

Heartache: Jason Todd x reader

summary: being friends with Jason never came with falling for him. and with confessing it. And with finding out he's already in love with someone else.....

*** What was the point?

What was the point of being​ nice and caring and trying and putting yourself out there when at the end of the day someone ended up alone and hurting?

And what was the point of anything, truly, if that person happened to be you?

***

Being a transfer student in the middle of the school year was as hard as it comes. New people, new town, new everything.

Felt like being torn from the ground with roots.

And to top that up Y/N had to meet the head teacher to make sure she was up to date with all the material and was not going to be left behind. So, one particularly dark and rainy autumn day, which was extreme even for Gotham, she has been sitting on the uncomfortable plastic chair in front of the principal’s office, almost biting her fingernails because of the stress. Truly, she could do without being judged based on her grades from previous school and without pretending like a new kid in school in November was not a disturbance.

She knew well enough she was an event for all the kids craving some, any, attraction.  

And no amount of teachers’ feigned smiles and assurances that she would find a home in Gotham’s high school would make her feel better. Well, she had a little tour around the facility and to say the least, it was almost as depressing and dark and cold as the entire city.

So deep inside, she was hoping that the talk with principal would take as little time as possible and she would be able to get back to minding her own business and – hopefully – learning something without her classmates calling her swot.

But-

She was not the only one waiting for the audience. There was a guy, sitting by the wall on the opposite. A typical high school rebel, with his leather jacket and torn jeans and ruffled black hair with single white strand above the forehead. Seemingly not looking, but Y/N could feel his eyes on her. And it was infuriating. As if she didn’t already feel like an outsider in the school, now she’s been eyed like a freaking prey.

Apparently, he noticed her discomfort but the only sign of the amusement at the fact of making her flustered was a teasing smirk. Who the hell this guy thought himself to be? She was a second from opening her mouth and telling him to back off, but before anything could actually come out her throat another boy rushed into the room.

“Jason!” the second guy looked surprisingly similar to the first, with his dark hair and blue eyes, but his face was far more sympathetic. „What did you do this time? Why am I getting an emergency calls to pick you up from principal’s office?”

Jason didn’t even bother to answer, his eyes fixed on Y/N.

„Jason!”

„The fuck you want Dick?!” Jason yelled not caring about the place or the circumstances

Y/n couldn’t help a chuckle. Was this guy really named Dick? Like for real?

„The hell are you laughing at?” Jason finally turned to the girl, the mix of annoyance and curiosity on his face.

„At the interesting choice of word. If anyone’s a dick here, I’d say it’s you.” she smirked.

Both Dick and Jason raised eyebrows in surprise. She didn’t look like the girl with big mouth. Apparently the appearances were deceiving.

„You got an attitude princess, don’t you?”

„princess?” she scoffed and shook her head „well, I guess, given the fact that this school is a maze and we’ve got enough villains in the city I might as well be. But I’m more Merida than Sleeping beauty-”

„You’ve watched Brave?!” the other guy almost jumped with excitement

„Yeah.. um- didn’t everyone?” she stuttered a bit, but before she could say something else he was already shaking her hand eagerly. Who would have thought that the knowledge of Disney movies would help her make friends.  

„Hi! I’m Dick Grayson. I mean-” he laughed lightly „Richard is my given name, but no one calls me that.”

„Oh! Now I get it. I’m -”

„She’s the new girl. Y/N, isn’t it?” Jason teased her again, clearly hoping to get a reaction our of her.

„Hm. Have you been stalking me or something, Jason?”

„You wish!”

„i got a feeling this is a start of a very beautiful friendship” Dick’s eyes were shining as he nodded, preventing Y/N and Jason from going head to head with each other.

***

 It’s been years since the day they met as two unruly teenagers.

And even though she still thought him to be as stubborn as a mule, rude at times, crude like a freaking Australopithecus, way too teasing and sarcastic beyond limits she accepted those flaws. She was not an angel herself with her sharp tongue and straightforwardness that could match his traits and bring him down a notch at times.

To tell the whole truth, during those years they both found out that the amount of things that made them similar to each other was far bigger than those that divided them. For some crazy reason despite the far-from-prefect meeting they became great friends and made it work.

Yeah--

Great friends.

***

She should have known better.

She should have just kept her mouth shut and her feelings hidden.

So why didn’t she?

Why the fuck didn’t she?!

Maybe she wanted to be fair? Or deep inside she was hoping for a happy ending?

Stupid, little pathetic girl.

One day she;s been casually hanging out with Jason after college classes. As usual, they were doing pretty much nothing, sitting on the ground on the campus, initially planning on working on some literature essay, but ended up staring at the sky and just keeping quiet. It was never weird for them.

Silence.

It just felt comfortable, spending time with a friend without the urge to fill it with words.

Y/N closed her eyes for a second, leaning on the tree trunk and when she opened them and her gaze landed on him --

What was with the sudden wave of heat encompassing her and the unexpectedly accelerated heartbeat?

Why the blush?

 Oh, no....

Oh, holy shit--

She has just became the most cliche romantic story, she always laughed at during classes.

She fell in love with her best friend.

Damn...

Out of the blue, those infuriating white strand of hair she hated, became a symbol of his edgy attitude and rough past. His eyes earned the color of the sky on the sunny day and his whole figure and muscles were screaming attractiveness. And the signature teasing smirk, forming at the moment, made her want to scream cause she started wondering what it would be like to wipe the grin off his face with multiple gentle kisses and feel his lips on hers. Poor Y/N. She’s never been in love before and there was no way she wouldn’t panic.

Something so pure and idealistic like first love, left her trembling and terrified instead of content, hopeful and in a romantic attitude.

For the love of god, she couldn’t let him know. No way. Not ever.

But Jason was perceptive (screw the vigilantes) and once he saw her distracted, there was no way he would just let it drop.

„ See something you like, princess?”

„I did until now.” she muttered

„Oh really, and what might that have been?”

„Your mouth shut.”

„That’s not what you said when I saved your ass on Monday when you forgot the presentation--”

„You’re not prince charming Todd.” Y/N pointed out.

„Of course not, sunshine.’ Jason grinned at her „I’m the anti-hero, remember?”

Oh, if only she could forget that him being Red Hood and patching him up every other night were on of her most treasured moments of the day. But now --and she knew that very well - it was going to be too awkward having Jason Todd shirtless in front of her and putting stitches and dressings on his wounds.

***

He was her friend.

Her friend.

Period.

And she was way too moral and caring and loving and honest for her own good.

No matter how hard she was trying to pretend and act normally and kept on the appearances - in the long run it was just impossible.

She broke after three months...

***

„Hey, Jason can I have a word with you?”

Okay, maybe it was a mistake to reach to him straight after his shower following the training session but in her defence - she was desperate and on the verge of breaking down emotionally. So no, she did not think about the fact, that he would came out to her covered barely by the towel hanging loosely on his hips, still a little damp from the water with those stupidly perfect black strands of hair curling because of the moisture and chest on display.

Shit.. mistake after mistake.

„What did you want to talk about?” he asked casually moving towards his bedroom and she kindly waited until he put some clothes on.

„I gotta tell you something-” she cut off unsure of how to proceed with it. She knew the guy for ages and it was quite unnerving risking the friendship, but what was she supposed to do? It was either being on the square of being a ticking time bomb that might burst out talking about feelings in the least appropriate moment.

Yeah, Y/N could imagine herself confessing her love for him in the middle of the lecture while he was looking over her shoulder at her notes. Or - while doing some homework at the crowded library. Or while hanging out with the rest of batfamily (god forbid, she would confess with Dick around! Grayson would never let her live it down.)

Hell no!

If the cat was supposed to be let out of the bag, it was going to happen on her rules.

„Yeah sure, talking to me kinda requires telling me something, right?” he smirked walking towards the kitchen, leaving her behind for a second before she rushed right after him. In any other circumstances she would probably find some nicely aimed retort that would end up in them both teasing each other and then laughing together but this? This was a serious situation. You just don;t joke when it comes to the matters of heart.

„Mhm.. sure... yeah, well I--”

„Y/n?’ he asked with concern on his face „Are you all right, princess? You look-”

„I like you.” she blurted without any more analyzing.

„Ok? And?”

„What do you mean ok, and?” Y/N’s mind was spinning at the moment. The situation probably could not be any more bizarre.

Here she was, finally speaking her mind and admitting feelings and Jason was just shrugging and being all casual about it, stupidly drinking that stupid bottled water, even though she told him a million times how detrimental plastic was for the environment and --

„Y/N? Hey, hey you there?” he put a hand on her shoulder, leaning to look into her eyes „I know that look, you’re spinning. Come down to earth.” now he was laughing at her and she blushed like a fifteen year old.

„Jason. I like you.” she emphasized the word hoping he will finally get the hint.

And oh, damn, he did.

But this was not the reaction she was hoping for when Jason chocked on his water starting coughing desperately and hitting his chest to get rid of the liquid that went down the wrong pipe.

„You- you what now? Y/N? Are you fucking joking ?”

Shit.

Her eyes were fixed on the ground, she couldn’t brace herself to look at his face, knowing well enough what she’ll see written all over it. Shock, disbelief, confusion. Maybe - in worst care - repulsion. But definitely not love and it made her want to disappear from the face of the earth in any way possible

„Y/N look at me.” god damn that deep voice full of care and concern. „Come on, just look at me.”

„Hey! Got you! Busted!” she laughed but with the amount of affectation dripping from her voice there was zero chances to convince anyone it was true.

„Y/N.” he said calmly, her name falling from her lips, given the situation becoming a curse rather than a sweet word. „Y/N, I’m sorry-”

„No.” she interrupted him „No, please, don’t be sorry.” her smile was way too sad to pull the trick „It’s okay.” Bullshit „I get it” lie „it doesn’t change a thing, right?” she punched his shoulder playfully, even while feeling less than playful. Maybe if she gave him a little more time, let the though of her loving him simmer down and -

„I like Artemis.” he confessed with the smallest voice ever. As if that was something shameful. Well maybe it was and maybe it was her fault he felt like that. Which only added to her sudden urge to cry.  Three simple words and her hopes landed six feet underground, covered with dirt, gravel, concrete and whatever else.

He liked Artemis.

„Oh......” she gasped, even though she probably should have seen this coming.

Of course he liked Artemis.

Of course he freaking liked Artemis.

This girl was fucking hot and it was everyone’s opinion.

Her figure, her hair, her face, her whole outlook - no campus social event could do without her picture being posted and commented. She might as well be a model.

But - she was not just a pretty face - her skills, her brain and rebellious attitude.... Yeah, Y/N should have probably seen it coming, but who comes prepared for a heartbreak?

„That’s um-- „ she gulped „that’s wonderful, really.” hypocrite „does she - um... does she like you back?’

Yeah, Y/n - keep stabbing the knife harder into your heart, you’re doing great work.

„Yeah... Yeah, I think she does. I mean I um - I’ve being seeing her for a while. Casually.”

Casually. Right.

And casual was the reason why he didn’t tell her a word.   

„Y/N....”

„It’s all right.”

„Y/N, please, I--”

„Stop making a fuss around it.” she chuckled, barely holding from sobbing. „just because you’re about to have a girlfriend...” it should have been me!! „... doesn’t mean we can’t still hang out, right? It;s not like some kind of Friends situation when Emily forbade Ross from seeing Rachel, right?” Y/N made a funny face trying to diffuse the tension.

„Of course not! You’re still my best friend, obviously! This little -- well, whatever it was, doesn’t change a thing right?”

„Of course not! Did you think you can get rid of me so easily” she rolled her eyes „I’ll be teasing you even in afterlife. I’ll keep haunting you forever.”

„Oh, so you’re assuming you’re gonna outdie me?”

„Wait, did you really think I’ll give you the satisfaction of you doing something first?”

She was definitely going to die before him.

Being the first person to die from a broken heart.

***

Maybe she was overreacting a bit

Maybe someone who was a casual observer would think she was crazy and there was no point in crying over split milk and she should have just got her shit together and move on.

Huh.

Easier said than done.

Ever since she found out Jason liked Artemis life became an endless cycle of struggle. She couldn’t even find the strength to get out of bed in the morning or to care about simple simplest thing.

Obviously she put on a charming smile and kept on acting like everything she said to him was just a crazy joke, nothing serious etc, etc. But at the end of the day she was left drained from all the pretending.

And the worst part?

Once the secret was out in the open and Jason didn’t feel the need to hide it from her anymore he’s been hanging with Artemis pretty much all the time. To give him justice, he’s been inviting Y/N to join every time, but being the third wheel and watching the guy she liked flirting with another, hotter, girl was just to much to handle.

So she’s been spending time by herself, swimming in the sea of misery, cursing herself for not noticing anything earlier. For not saying something earlier.

Stupid little girl.

Life was unfair, people were leaving and in the end someone always ended up hurt.

And what was the point of anything, if despite all the efforts, that person happened to be you?

Would you be willing to destroy someone’s happiness only to get what you wanted, regardless of the cost?  

Would you?

Or would you just keep on suffering in silence?

[argisthebulwark]

Nothing Left For Me, I Am Pleading

summary: The fallout after you learn he's cheated on you. gn reader, no pronouns or y/n used. feat: Vilkas, Miraak, Farkas, Brynjolf, Cicero warnings: angsty hurt/no comfort. cheating in an established relationship. swearing. reference to sexual acts, nothing explicit. masterlist

Vilkas' fingers are uncharacteristically chilly when they grab your arm. Your stomach churns at the contact - mere hours had passed since they'd touched someone else. "Don't go." You see every muscle in his body tense - does he anticipate you lashing out at him? Your anger is far too cold for that, a detached hatred that drowns out any love you've felt for him. "Give me one good reason to stay." You sniff, glaring up at the man you've loved so deeply that it hurt. Your heart is shredding in your chest but you refuse to show him. After last night, he does not deserve to see you hurt. You will grant him no opportunity to comfort you. "I thought of you the whole time." "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" You seethe, wrenching your arm from his grasp. "How kind of you to remember me while fucking some stranger at the tavern." "Please." His voice is caught in his throat when he steps closer, hand still reaching uselessly toward you. "I - we just lost Kodlak. He's the closest thing I've ever had to a parent and I felt so fucking lost. I didn't know what to do with myself." His nose wrinkles and you know he's fighting back tears. Strangely, you feel no urge to comfort him - all you want is to escape this damned room. "I was there." You curse your voice for wobbling. "Farkas was there. Our friends were right there - we were all there grieving Kodlak. Together." "I know." He mumbles, sucking in a shaky breath. "I should have talked to you - I don't know why I did that. Nothing makes sense." "You should talk to someone, maybe your brother." You press your lips into a tight line, clamping down the sob tearing at your throat. "I hope you can figure things out, Vilkas." You do hope that he can figure things out. Grief is messy but when you turn away from him, there's a sense of finality to it. You clench your fists to stop their shaking and before you can take that first step away from Vilkas, his voice stops you dead in your tracks. "Can we try again someday?" His voice is so defeated, as if he already knows your answer. Why did he bother asking? "I know that Kodlak meant a lot to you." You squeeze your eyes shut against those damned tears. "But I can never forgive this." "I understand." Vilkas sniffs and you're glad you turned away. The sight of him crying could break you. "I'll always love you, though." You can't think of a response that doesn't break your heart.

"It meant nothing, Mal Dov." You smack away Miraak's hand - you know he wants to caress your face, to calm your nerves as he has so many times before. You can hardly think past her fucking voice ringing through your head. "After that, my hopes of being named High Priestess don't seem so far-fetched. Our lord truly is blessed, isn't he? Well, I suppose you know that better than anyone." She'd bumped into you like it was a silly little mistake, dragon mask pulled aside to display the messy state of her lipstick. The thought of what she'd done for Miraak - the thought of him with anyone else, it makes you sick. "Nothing?" You spit the word back at him. You hate that look on his face, the tears gathering in his eyes. He has the audacity to make you feel like the hurtful one. "In my time, it was quite common to maintain a concubine -" "Oh, fuck you!" Angry tears spill down your cheeks, that hot ball of rage fueled with every word that passes his lips. "You would burn Tamriel if another man dared to kiss me, yet you expect me to be alright with some priestess getting on her knees for you?" "My beloved, please allow me to explain." Miraak reaches for you once more, an offer that feels so loaded. You know that if you take his hand he will whisper sweet apologies in your ear and promises that he will spend the rest of his unnatural life with you. He will tell you that a passing moment with a priestess means nothing compared to an eternity at your side. "No." You reject, gulping past the knot in your throat. Drying your tears you turn, hands shaking when they clench at your sides. "No explanation will undo your actions."

Sunlight bursts over the horizon, bright and cheerful. Farkas' snores echo across the hall as your weary eyes wander toward the window to watch. Your throat is raw from swallowing those ugly sobs and your cheeks are stained with war paint and tears. Clutching your knees to your chest you wait, stuffed into the same chair you've been seated in for hours. When the doors creak open your heart leaps into your throat. You've practiced the speech over and over, memorizing the words and praying that you won't stumble but it's all gone when you see her. The woman is half dressed when she scurries through Jorrvaskr, offering you a kind smile when she spots you. "Sorry if we kept you up." Her voice holds no malice - you're certain that she's interpreted you as a disgruntled housemate. "Can you point me toward the exit?" Your voice ceases to function, merely pointing her toward the front doors. Uncertain of how much time passes you remain there, knees tucked to your chest scrambling for the words you'd planned out so carefully. "Gods, it's bright." Farkas' rich voice causes a fresh wave of tears. Through blurry vision you watch him emerge from the living quarters, one hand shading his eyes from the sun. "My love - what day is it? I thought you weren't back until Middas?" "The assignment was easy." You gulp, hating the way he kneels right in front of you. His thumb traces through the mess of war paint on your face and you suck in a deep breath. "Everyone acted so strange when I returned. I thought perhaps it was because I was a bit early - they were all fairly drunk." "We drank far too much last." Farkas moans, still scrubbing at your cheek. "I can hardly remember anything past dinner." "When Aela tried to stop me from going to bed I knew something was wrong." "My beloved -" "I saw you." You sob, shoving at his bare chest when he attempts to hold you. Your heart is cracking deep in your chest, fat tears spilling down your cheeks but you can't let him piece you back together. "I heard you, Farkas -" "It was a drunken mistake. Please," rough hands cup your face but you're shaking your head. You can't see him through the tears but you know he's crying too. "Please don't leave me." "I can't stop seeing it." You hiccup, curling deeper into the chair. "I can't even look at you."

"I would have raised him better than that." Karliah's hand pats your shoulder. "The Brynjolf I knew would never do that." "He did." Your voice sounds scratchy and far away. Whether it's from rage or the alcohol you aren't certain. You're lying flat on the bar, Vekel's infinite patience saving you from the floor as the world tilts and dips around you. "I have some friends in the Brotherhood." Delvin pipes up from somewhere far away. You aren't sure if you're laughing or sobbing at his comment, noises and tears slipping out of you. "Want me to kill 'im?" "I could kill him for you." Vex offers and you bury your head in your arms. You feel sick - you'd hoped that too many drinks would rid that image from your brain but it persists. His lips on her skin, her fingers in his hair, the sound of her sighing his name. "There you are." His voice still sends shivers down your spine. You bury your face in your arms, mind still stuck on the way his hand wrapped around someone else's waist. "I've been lookin' for you -" "To what?" Vex snaps. "Looking to do some more damage?" "Love, gimme a chance." "Get away from me." "C'mon, I know it was fucked up but we were together for years. I told her I'm with you, that we had to stop before things went too far -" "I said get away from me." You whirl toward him, the world spinning and your stomach flipping dangerously with the motion. Warm hands are there to steady you, Brynjolf's familiar scent filling your nostrils as your bleary eyes struggle to focus on him. "Talk to me, love. Just for a bit, yeah?" "We are done." You stare up at him, hating the way his eyes still make your heart flutter. "I'm taking some time off -" "Don't say that. Think of the Guild - we need you, I need you." "You should've thought of the fucking Guild!" You sob, hands smacking against his chest. "You should've thought about me! You don't get to do this, you don't get to make this my fault." "I know sweetheart, trust me I know it's my fault." "You should probably leave for now, Bryn." Karliah taps his shoulder when you devolve into a mess of sobs. His hands slip from your face and gods help you, after everything you hate to feel it. "Give it time." "I'll be here, love. Whenever you're ready I'll be here waitin' for you."

"I'm sorry." Cicero snivels, falling into your lap. "Cicero's so sorry, Listener - please don't leave me, don't leave your awful Keeper." The indecision is paralyzing; so badly you want to comfort him, to comb through the mess of his hair and wipe at his face until he's calmed down but you cannot. You can't stop thinking about the dreamy look on his face after someone else's lips touched his. "Please, Listener." He gasps, fingers screwed up in the front of your armor. You can't bring yourself to rebuff him but do not have the capacity to soothe him. "Please, Cicero is so sorry - they were helping with Mother's rituals and so kind to me, so sweet helping with prayers and honeyed words." He hiccups, a sob breaking up his explanations. You want nothing more than to forgive him, to wipe at his tears and tell your beloved that everything will be alright, but find those words too difficult. "Was I not enough?" Your voice breaks, tears finally spilling down your cheeks. The flood of emotions is too much all at once when Cicero buries his face in your shoulder. God it hurts - you've known hurt but nothing like this, betrayal that cuts down to the bone. "You're everything!" He howls, both your bodies shaking with the weight of his sobs. "Terrible, awful Keeper - I don't deserve that title, the Listener deserves someone much better." "Calm down." You urge, unable to resist rubbing a hand down his back. The sensation of his body curling into yours is so familiar but there is no warmth, no love in the way he clings to you - only guilt. His voice is torn as he mumbles your title over and over, apologies mingled in as he professes his guilt. "Love you, Listener. Love you, love you, love you..." he trails off, wet kisses placed along your throat. "Silly Cicero made a horrible mistake but oh, how I love you." "You know I love you." You choke on the words, shocked at how hard it is to say. You do love Cicero, you always will. "But my beloved -" "Don't, Listener - please, your Keeper begs you." He sniffles, breaths finally evening out. "Don't leave poor Cicero. Anything, I'll do anything, just don't leave." "I don't think we can get past this." His arms tighten around your middle, tears streaming down your face as the raw pain pounds through your body with each beat of your wretched heart. "You know I love you, my Cicero, but I don't think there is any mending this." You sit there, clutching Cicero to your chest and crying until your lungs threaten to give out. You are both painfully aware that as soon as you let each other go that is the end. When he slides from your lap he will no longer be your Cicero, you will simply be two Brotherhood members who cannot look each other in the eyes. So you hold him, allowing him to cry into your armor and shedding endless tears over the love you've both lost.

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY FENRIS  *  assorted dialogue from dragon age ii, updated version

meeting you was the most important thing that ever happened to me.

i can’t bear the thought of living without you.

you are too willing to involve yourself in the affairs of others.

nothing could be worse than living without you.

before we found you, there was a moment when i… don’t do that again.

you should really post some guards outside, considering all the trouble you get into.

everywhere we go, people try to kill you.

i don't want to hear another word out of you.

and here we are again. for the fourth time.

how much do you wish to test that luck of yours?

it seems you have won the day. well done.

why must you go on about this?

i can do that, if you wish.

i am alone.

i'm afraid to ask what brought this on.

is this going anywhere?

do you want to guess what color my underclothes are again?

you’re squandering something you don’t understand.

you do not like your name?

you'd look pretty in one.

i felt like a fool. i thought it better if you hated me.

nobody asks for their fate.

oh. that. it’s... a talent.

it was better than anything i could have dreamed.

do not make light of this. leaving was the hardest thing i’ve ever done.

whatever you need, i am ready to assist.

the true character of any city is found among its poor.

i enjoy following you.

i didn’t come here to burden you further.

we have never discussed what happened between us three years ago.

is there no one else who has your attention?

you wound my pride with such accusations.

break their heart, and i will kill you.

you keep staring at me. is it my eyes again?

you are more naive than i thought.

did i hear correctly?

that is my hope as well.

i don’t want your pity.

i needed to be alone.

that night... i remember your touch as if it were yesterday.

i shouldn’t trouble you with this. my problems are not yours.

how is it you get into these situations so often?

you did the right thing. many would turn a blind eye.

you do not want to know the answer to that.

i don’t know. it’s just something people say.

you have an entire story written in your head already, don’t you?

a shame that you are going to die, no?

i should have asked for your forgiveness long ago. i hope you can forgive me now.

from what i gather, you like a lot of things.

you wish to do this here? in front of everyone?

i’ve never spoken about what happened to anyone.

why are you watching me like that?

i remain at your side.

i may not get a chance to say this again.

thank you for asking me to come along.

perhaps this is what it means to have a friend.

i suggest keeping your distance.

if there is a future to be had, i will walk gladly into it at your side.

we need to stop and rest when we’ve a moment.

this ground is cursed. only wretched or ignorant souls would linger here.

i cannot imagine what it must be like to lose your family. anything i could say would be insufficient. i’m sorry.

i have never allowed anyone too close.

forget i said anything.

it’s so wonderful having my personal business as someone else’s sport.

well... at least i’m not dead.

you were never ordered to kill?

does it bother you? should i stop?

promise me you won’t die.

do not bare your heart to me, unless you would have me rip it out.

is that a compliment of an insult?

do you intend to go after me, then?

it is always good to be at your side.

thanks for getting rid of them.

i imagine you imprisoned them?

you have my thanks.

i am yours, as always.

the smug sense of superiority does give you away.

you caught them, then?

there you are. were you hurt? what happened?

i don’t know what to say, but i’m here.

surely you can’t hope to best me.

i am yours.

we should move on.

i could ask you the same thing.

i just... am pleased to see you, that’s all.

you are looking for forgiveness, but i’m not the one who can give it to you.

they say death is only a journey. does that help?

i stand ready.

shall we end this quickly?

another battle is upon us.

you frightened me.

oh, you've learned a few new words.

keep going. i'm sure your training will kick in any moment.

to be honest, i see no point in filling these moments with empty talk.

my wounds need attention.

[msviolacea]

So a thing that always bothers me when I see people on Tumblr mention CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, for all you fellow perverts out there - is that if you were told that CBT is about “thinking will make your problem go away” then you either had a shitty therapist (which is entirely likely) or you weren’t listening closely enough (which is also likely for all of us with different flavors of neurodivergence). 

I say this as someone who did CBT to only middling success - it wasn’t a cure-all, but it DID give me some tools that help in very specific aspects of my life. No, stopping and naming my sudden burst of rage or sadness or hopelessness as PMDD or a depressive episode does not make that burst go away. But after doing it for a while, it makes it easier to DEAL with that burst. Reminding myself of that makes it easier to not take it out on someone else, to successfully tell myself “this isn’t someone else’s problem, it will pass soon, it always does, being an asshole about it only makes it worse.” I still feel absolutely shitty, but thanks to that self-training I feel less shitty on the back end than I otherwise would.

When my brain tells me I’m worthless, CBT taught me to immediately follow up by asking “would anyone I care about say that about me?” Does it mean the worthlessness completely disappears? No, but it can function like a rope tying me to reality so I can ride the shitty terrible thoughts out to the other side without doing anything stupid. Sometimes the rope is sturdy. Sometimes it’s embroidery floss. But any tether is better than none at all. 

Does it always work? No. But it works often enough that learning some CBT methods was worth it for me. Knowing what the problem is doesn’t negate the problem. It just reminds me that controlling how I behave when it occurs will make life better for me in the long run. I still need the drugs. I still have other coping mechanisms. That’s just one of them. 

That’s why Behavioral is in the title. CBT isn’t for everyone, and it’s not going to work on every issue. But it can be useful tool in your “deal with my mental illness and/or neurodivergence” toolbox. It’s not a scam. It’s not just pseudo-science bullshit. It’s just training yourself to remember that even if you can’t control the pain, you can control how you react to it, and that control can be a gift to yourself. 

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Hi!! Just wanna say I love your writing sm! And could you please tell how the friendship between loki and sunshine blossomed? I just love how sunshine is with people btw

- 🌻

Okay, okay, that's such a good question, like we already know how Sunshine and Loki met and we've seen a few glimpses into their friendship, but we don't know how they actually became friends. And that is an injustice. So allow me to recount how exactly Sunshine and Loki became friends.

F is For Friends Who Do Stuff Together

Part of The Grumpy X Sunshine Series

Loki smirks to himself. He wasn't going to do anything too awful, perhaps a little mischievous but why would anyone expect anything else from him?

It was their fault really. Leaving their newest addition all alone while he was lurking around the Compound. You're low hanging fruit ripe for the picking.

He didn't even have any real plans for you.

Perhaps he'd take you to Asgard for long enough for Thor to come looking. Long enough to frighten you, certainly. In truth, he was just bored and looking to stir up a little bit of chaos - and they made it far too easy for him.

After all, you're completely oblivious to him looming behind you. It was almost too easy.

He creeps up slowly, watching as you tend to a bouquet of flowers in the common room.

You're not even in within arm's reach when, without ever looking over your shoulder, you chirp, "Hi, Loki!"

He freezes, completely caught off guard, his plans entirely derailed, "How did you-"

You turn around with a bright smile, "How did I what?"

"How did you know I was there?"

You shrug, "I heard you."

"Impossible." It disturbs him more than it should. He was a god. Not just a god, but the god of deception and trickery. You were just the strange newcomer.

"Maybe you're not as sneaky as you think you are."

Despite how deeply unsettling this turn of events is, he smirks to himself. He knows you're completely unaware of the challenge you just issued.

So he tries. Again. And again. And again.

And each time, "Hi, Loki!" or "You almost got me that time!" or, worst of all "You're getting better everyday!"

It was maddening. Infuriating, even. He even scared Thor a few times just to make sure he hadn't somehow lost his touch. But no, his brother fell for the old snake in the common room trick every time without fail.

For three months, you held his attention. It was a new record for Loki. Every chance he got to catch you off guard, he took. And none of them ever worked.

One day, he swears he's finally done it. You're talking so enthusiastically to the SHIELD agent before you that there's no way you know he's lurking around the corner.

"Hold on," you tell the SHIELD agent you're speaking to whose name Loki hasn't bothered to learn. You turn around to find Loki a foot away from you, "Hi, Loki."

"What the hell was that?" the SHIELD agent demands.

"Oh, it's just this game me and Loki play." You dismissively wave your hand. "He tries to sneak up on me and I find him before he does. It's sort of like a very intense game of hide and seek."

"I think he's trying to kidnap you."

"It's alright. He's my friend."

Loki falters just as he's about to storm away, "I beg your pardon?"

"What?"

"What did you just say?"

"I said that it's alright because you're my friend," you casually repeat.

"That! Right there!" Loki explains, gesturing between you and him. "When did we become friends?"

"Umm... I don't know. We've been playing this game for like three months, so like three months ago, I guess."

Loki's eyebrows furrow together. He's not quite sure if it's the most endearing or the most disturbing thing he's ever heard. Worst of all, you don't seem to be afraid of him. "I've been trying to abduct you for three months and you call me your friend?"

"Well, I know you'd bring me back eventually. Plus, I've always wanted to visit another realm, it's on my bucket list!"

"What gave you the impression that I'd return you?"

You shrug, "I'm not worried about it, I trust you."

Your words strike a chord deep within Loki. He can't remember the last time someone trusted him, but you did. You did because you considered him a friend. "You trust me because I am your friend?"

You nod repeatedly, "Pretty much."

The corner of Loki's mouth twists upward, "Huh..."

"What?"

"I think I might need to find someone new to wreak havoc on."

"Oooh, we should play a prank on Sam!"

Loki smile mischievously at you, "I think we'll get along just fine."

AnonymityIsFun Masterlist Grumpy Sunshine Series

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