#why cant it be like 6am like last time. i can wake up early for that

[synthshenanigans]

I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT 4AM AGAIN?? WHY????

[samcrobae]

Two of Hearts

A/N: don’t know what this is, this idea came to me late last night.

Gif credit to the original creator.

*Flashback*

Your alarm blaring from your phone wakes you up, 6AM. You need to get in the shower and dressed before your shift but can’t help but want to lay in bed some more. Turning over your run your hand absent mindedly over your boyfriend except he’s not there.

You open your eyes to see his side of the bed messy, cold, and empty. He probably had an early start to the day “club shit”.

Once you were showered you wrapped your hair in a towel and begin applying your makeup. You reach for your phone and send EZ a text. “Good morning, missed you this morning. Have a good day ❤️ see You tonight ?” You put your phone down and go about your morning. You made your coffee, got into your car and drove to work. Before you clocked in you checked your phone for a reply from EZ- nothing. No big deal, probably busy with club stuff.

On your lunch break, you pick up your phone and dial EZ’s number, straight to voicemail, “Hey its me, just wanted to check in and see how your day is going. Mine is insane, and i cant wait to go home. Anyway call or text when you can. I love you.”

___________________________________________________________________________________

8 months later....

You sigh as you are brought back from your thoughts, pushing the shopping cart around into the next aisle, as you remembered the last time you saw your boyfriend before he disappeared without a word. No goodbye, no rhyme or reason, no note, no final I love you. You went to bed together like normal, then the next day he was... gone. You loved him. He loved you- at least-so you thought. Why would he just leave? No one had heard from him in 8 months. Not Angel, Felipe, any of his brothers, hell- you even called Emily Thomas to ask if she had heard from him but no such luck.

You took comfort in the MC, spent most of your days with Angel or Felipe so you wouldn’t be left alone with your thoughts. Were you not enough? Did he stop loving you? What did you do to push him away? These were the things that kept you up at night, that’s when you would drink yourself into oblivion. One night, you drank so much you found yourself walking to the clubhouse, only to stop on the porch and fall to the floor, a puddle of drunk emotions. Angel found you. He carried you into the trailer and stayed with you til the morning.

You took comfort in Angel. You called him when you needed to cry, when you needed him to remind you that you were good to EZ- wherever he was, he was an idiot for just leaving. The club spent 3 months searching for him, hitting dead end after dead end. You took comfort in Angel. On the nights you thought you couldn’t go on, you called him and he would quickly come, wrap you in his arms, kiss the top of your head to remind you how special you are. How important you were to him.

You took comfort in Angel’s arms. Each time you wanted to fall to the floor, he would pick you back up. Spent his days off with you, brought you to all of the club parties and events. He did groceries with you, had movie nights with you. For your birthday he came over early, using the spare key you had given him and made you pancakes. He brought you flowers and a balloon, along with the entertainment center for your tv you had been eyeing, but knew you would never buy for yourself. He even put it together.

Angel took comfort in you. He held onto hope in finding his baby brother when he saw how much hope you held in your eyes. He let you in to the deepest, darkest depths of him- not because he had no one to talk to, but because he began to trust you with every bone in his body. You cooked for him, patched him up when he got hurt, checked in with him when he was away on runs. When he found out Adelita was pregnant with his baby, then was crushed by the immeasurable amount of pain learning that baby was not his, he took comfort in your arms. He laid his head in your lap and sobbed, while you ran your hands mindlessly through his raven locks. And you let him weep, you sat there for 4 hours while he cried.

And now here you were, on Christmas Eve. You had just left a Christmas party at the clubhouse, small gifts from the guys in tow. Angel was your ride and when he pulled into your driveway, he helped you carry your things inside. You quickly disappeared into the kitchen, digging through your cabinets for 2 wine glasses and a bottle of your favorite red. Your poured your glasses and Angel stood, perched against the doorframe of your kitchen, watching you dance around in your dress for the night. It was simple, but it was you. And it was perfect, and he think he felt nervous, but he wasn’t sure why because for the last 8 months you had taken care of each other, had been there for each other through the darkest times in your lives and never once was he nervous. Never once did his feelings falter, or feel indifferent.

You handed him the glass, “OH! Stay right here I got you something. Be right back.” You set the glass down and ran to your bedroom, appearing with a large black canvas bag in hand.

“Querida, now you know you ain’t gotta get me stuff. I thought we agreed we weren’t going to get presents for each other.” He smiled and outstretched his arm, taking the bag from you.

“I know, I know-“ you said, as you waved him off, “its nothing crazy, but I know its something you could use and I want you to have it.”

He pulled out a black sketch pad, new pencils, and new paint brushes. “Wow Y/N... this is... where did you get this? It’s amazing!”

You picked up your glass and held it out to him, “Merry Christmas Angel. It’s just my way of saying thank you — for everything— shit has been so hard and I don’t know if I would have made it without you.”

He picked up his wine glass and held it to yours, “wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”

You should have looked away. Taken a sip of your drink and gone about your night. But the two of you locked eyes, and in that moment, his chocolate eyes burned into you and you found yourself moving closer to him, as he met you the rest of the way. His hands found your waist and your breathing was heavy, the air in the room was so thick, and you were... sweating? You loved EZ , he was going to come back to you. He had to come back to you. But why wasn’t he here? You wouldn’t be in this situation if he was here. Dammit EZ.

Your voice was a croaked whisper, “I.. I don’t think this is a good idea..”

“Yeah, its not.” His voice was thick, lazy, but soft at the same time, his hands coming up to cup your face and he gently planted a kiss to your lips, yours immediately melting into his. The kiss deepened quickly, months of unspoken feelings and tension coming to light and he backed you into the kitchen counter. When you hopped up onto the cold marbled surface, your wine glass was knocked into the kitchen sink, breaking into 3 pieces, but you didn’t seem to notice.

Breaking the kiss, you needed to come up for air, and you rested your forehead against his, your chests heaving. A small smiled graced his lips and his hands came up to caress and squeeze at your thighs.

“I cant tell you I regret that because I don’t...” he whispered as he let out a small chuckle.

“I would be lying if I said I regretted it, but I just... I need time, Angel.” You felt your emotions rise and catch in your throat, and you closed your eyes and kept your head rested on his. “I’m sorry..”

Angel felt his chest tighten, but he understood. He knew your heart lies with EZ. Everyone always picks EZ, why would you want him? He also understood that as much as he wanted to save himself the heartbreak and humiliation, the shame he would be faced with for sleeping with his brothers girl, he knew you needed him to stay.

Almost as if you read each other’s minds, you both spoke at once.

“I can stay if you want”

“Angel, can you stay with me?”

You both laugh nervously, him speaking first “yeah come on, lets go to bed.”

He slept in your bed that night, his hands coming up to explore every curve of your body, and despite you saying you needed time, you would be lying if you said this wasn’t heaven. You were so touch starved and confused. Your emotions were all over the place, but when his hands ventured between your legs, you stopped him.

“Goodnight.” You turned away from him, and closed your eyes.

_______________________________________________________________

Movement in the living room is what woke you, startled you mostly.

You jerked Angel awake, “Angel, ANgel did you hear that? Wake up....”

“What? What’s up mami?”

“Shhh..listen.. “ he jumped to his feet, adrenaline pumping, as he silently crept down the hall in his boxer briefs, tshirt, and gun drawn.

“Angel?”

That voice. You knew that voice. Your heart was in your throat. You were going to be sick.

“Ezekiel?” Angels eyes wide, frozen in place.

“Angel what the hell are you doing here?” EZ slowly walked to his brother, then looked down the hall to find you coming out of the room the two of you once upon a time shared.

“Hey Y/N. I’m back.”

____________________________________________________________

@starrynite7114 @wrcn9fvlcver @sadeyesgf @sesamepancakes @woahitslucyylu @everyhowlmarksthedead @angelreyesgirl @blessedboo @gemini0410

[revol-lover]

gotta vent.

so we live in an apartment, well a two family home but the same thing. We live on second floor. for the past 3/4 years the people who lived below us were the people who owned the house and they were really nice, we were all as considerate of each other and whatnot and we had literally no problems. not a single one. well last fall they bought their retirement home, a single family. so they rented the first floor out to new people who moved in in february. literally they have caused issues since almost the beginning. theyre super loud and inconsiderate with their music but we figured, like we’re not going to be here forever (or much longer hopefully) so we just dealt with it. until we started hearing them mock our child. ok. thats frustrating. but what can we do. we dealt with it. julia does wake up at 6am most days which is early, but we do our best and pretty much successfully keep the noise level down in the morning by letting her watch cartoons and what not. the girl who lives down ther works but the guy is home all day playing video games in the back room, blasts his games, swears and bangs his feet on the ground all damn day. its fucking annoying. but we dealt with it. because again. we’re hoping to move soon.

then the day before last night they were super loud. starting as soon as we put julia to bed (which they know exactly when that is because i’ve heard them mocking me singing you are my sunshine to her. really mature fucking assholes) they started stomping their feet, banging furniture, yelling and screaming noises and shit all night until literally 11 pm when they went to bed (their bedroom under ours) and were talking loud and laughing. opening draws and closing them. i had an anxiety attack that lasted literally hours and didnt fall asleep until after midnight.

then LAST night was the fucking worst. it started with music at 5:30 pm. ok cant complain about that. it wasn't late. then they had friends over. who were yelling and screaming. then the music got louder. stomping. yelling. banging on table. literally the music was so loud our floor was vibrating. completely inappropriate. this went on at max volume until 9:30 when i finally had enough. kevin was frustrated and loudly said something about them being fucking animals. so they started howling. great. they were very clearly extremely drunk or high by the way they sounded so we didnt feel comfortable even confronting them (they were being so fucking immature that i dont how anything would have come of it). 

so at 930 i texted our landord. i didnt know what else i was supposed to do. i let her know whats going on. she asked me if i thought they were doing it “purposefully” i mean? yes? tf? anyway she said they would come over and talk to them. an entire hour passes. they dont show up. music/screaming/banging gets louder and louder. meanwhile julia has woken up numerous times through this, clearly isnt able to stay asleep with the noise and vibration of the music. so an hour after i texted my landlord. their music stops and it sounds like the girl is on the phone. suddenly shes got the phony professional serious voice and says something about they stopped at 930 (not true). hung up. music back immediately along with screaming profanities and banging shit. this went on until 11 pm. landlord never followed up with me and i figured well shit they waited an entire hour to even call them not show up like they said they would, clearly they dont fucking care. 11pm came, their friends left, screaming in the hallway before they did then they were silent. i was so riled up on anxiety i got literally like no sleep last night before julia of course woke up at 5:40am because she had a horrible nights sleep.

this just fucking sucks. 

like why. i dont get it. are they seriously trying to retaliate for us having a KID? a 2 year old? who is stuck in the house for way more than she used to be since the quarantine shit? like she’s honestly not even that loud. yes she sings. yes she dances around and runs back and forth sometimes but like i’m sorry shes a fucking kid. how sick do you  have to be to try to punish a little girl for being a damn little girl? and its not anything else because kevin and i do not make noise. we never play our music or tv loud. we have always been considerate. i just cant believe that there are people like this out there that are this fucking immature.  and you know if you have a problem with a kid being a kid then idk maybe knock on our door and talk to us? see if theres ANYTHING we can do? dont just be an asshole and intentionally try to ruin her sleep at night. like i have never been a violent person in my life but these people make me so unbelievably angry with how cruel they are being. like yes it would bother me if it was just me and kevin dealing with this. but a 2 year old? theyre trying to bother a 2 yr old? like seriously?

anyway. if you have any spare good vibes to give i’d really appreciate them. im literally terrified to go to our laundry in the basement because i dont want to face these fucking assholes. i dont feel safe here anymore. 

we have some potential moving options MAYBE coming up. so if you have any good vibes at all i’d really appreciate it. i just want my kid to have her own space so she can be a kid without this bullshit.

[randomsevans]

FOR THE LOVE OF COFFEE

Part 1

Warning:language being used .

The annoying bleeps of your alarm zap you back into your boring reality. Well you wouldnt really call it boring just more that nothing new ever seems to happen . But to be fair you havnt got anything to really complain about . You have a stable job down streets working in the cafe ,a good boss (who so happens to be your landlord and has let you rent the flat above at a reasonable price) , your in your final year of your 5 years of university studying law and politics . Your not gonna lie it's been hard but it will be worth it one day .while living ,working, learning in your favourite place in the world ,LONDON, yeah it's not everyone cup if tea but you love it , the busy streets , everything changing in a blink of an eye it makes you feel alive .

London was a place you always wanted to end up, from being from the north of England life is completely different and if anymore tells you different, well your not exactly the stereotypical brit .your not saying you dont enjoy home, its beautiful, peaceful and now and then you find yourself missing it, but london is now your home and hopefully forever will be .

You moved to London for your education which has been your plan since 15 and knowing law and policies was your future. You had always found your self passionate about politic during school and for a teen everyone found it strange or that you never knew what you was talking about because of your age when in reality you probably knew more on how your government works and is voted in then the people telling your too young to understand. (You swear you must of been a granny in a past life, you wasnt stereotypical british teenage on the street with cheap cider).when ever you told people (your family) your future plan, thed just laugh, you was never the most educademic ,with suffing from dyslexia, but that never stop you always determine and wanting to prove teacher wrong with there low targets and experiences of you. And you did just that and futher , coming with good grades and a big fuck you to your school . Quite literally you shout "bye mother fuckers" as you left your school gates for the last time on result day . Your not exactly the most ... how would your say this .. stereotypical British person with "thank you" and "sorry " well you do , do it (that just manners ) , your not afeared to speak your mind. , known as the mounthy bitchy one in your group of friends which followd you down to london all doingthere own thing, with the cafe being your hang out stop, friends since well as long as you can remember really most of them a mix of year 7 and 8 so 11 and 12 years old making that about a friendship of 13 years (oh god I feel old ). You didnt need to apply to every university in London but you did , you knew you wanted to be here and here you are .

As as the beeping of your alarm continues , you know it's time to get up.

"Uggghhhh" throwing your covers to one side of the bed rather dramatically, your swing your legs to the edge of the bed while your body still lays down , hoping maybe you can just float your day away. With the little energy you have , you begin your normal 6am Saturday routine.

After an hour of getting ready and sneaking your way into the cafe and making your self an iced caramel latte . So you would think of someone who works in a cafe thed love coffee , uh nope ! Hot coffee in your eyes is the devils bitter juice it's just ... awful. But iced coffee on the other hand is heaven, you don't know why you like iced some much even tho hating hot , maybe just your sweet tooth but coffee was something you could live without before moving to the city now it's a life line .

7 am rolls around and your fully ready , currently rereading your assignment due in two week , which is currently at one sentence but ha you still got time , you kept telling your self , it's on your view on ameircan policies and law and how it effect their society .And let's just say your every opinionated so this assignment will be easy enough.

After a quick glance at your assignment, it was time to open , the cafe . Today you had a long shift but you can get by . You enjoy your work as much as sometime you get the odd rude customer, every other one is nice, you enjoy the interaction. To be honest you dont see your self ever not working in the cafe , with or with out your future law degree.

Once the shutter rose and you unlocked the door , you turn to counter and began to prepare coffees and the odd drink or two for your regular that will be around shor enough.

'Ding !'

You wiped your head around , and saw you boss lucy with a big grin on her face, (probable for her new boyfriend). You never could quite understand how she would have so much energy this early in the morning.

"Good morning y/n" lucy spoke as she had her back turned to you as she opened the cashier while you worked on the drinks.

"Is it a good morning?" You questioned with your cocky tone ,you couldn't help but smirk .

"Yes it is , why you always got to be so negative?"lucy joking said .

"Is my brand , what can I say , I know no other way ."

"Yeah well maybe it's time someone taught ya "

"No thank you, I'm happy the way iam "its true you might be miserable most the time , but your happy that way , you never understand why people cant see that .

"I'm just saying maybe if you got your head away from your books , and your continues viewing of doctor who then maybe you could have more of a social life "she smirked

"Huhhh! How dare you "you dramatically turned to face her , pretending to be hurt .

"One I have social life, and two dont you ever EVER disrespect my religion "

"Doctor who is not a religion "she rolled her eyes .

"Maybe not to you . But those 12 men and one women are my gods and will worship then with ever waking moment " to be honest you went exactly joking, you fuckin love doctor who , want can you say , you love it ever since you were a kid , it give you the odd comfort, its always been there , and hopefully always will , you love for the show is strong to say the least .

"God always so dramatic "lucy laught you off. She always knew you were either reading you school booked or knees deep into a marathon of your favourite timelord .

'Ding !'

And with that the first customer of the day enters and your work begins.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

[tobacconist]

my house got hit with a nasty strike of bad luck last night, all at once, i think around one o clock till about half past; i blame the full moon in scorpio (i believe saturn, venus, and pluto were retrograde at the time too. not sure if they still are)

i didnt feel like writing it at the time because i was too upset

had a really good day before then too. dads been depressed recently and wed sat out in the sunshine n had a smoke n laugh. we played dominoes later on.

ill say it started with my dad gettin absolutely wankered, like really fuckin drunk n stoned, the kind of wankered where you think youre completely fine but you aint and you wont listen to anyone telling you to sit the fuck down or go to bed

anyway, mum went to bed about 11, told us both to get to bed early (because she is the only sensible person in this house) dad said he was going soon after he’d finished his wine (like he does every night) but he filled his glass a few more times and stayed up.

eventually he went to bed, i told him not to keep coming down to pester me and that id go soon after. of course he came down a few times (its like an incredibly unfunny farce every night) to eat crisps and drunkenly ask me why i wasnt in bed ‘give me some fuckin peace and i’ll likely go to bed sooner!’ i said its a farce

i was trying to think about designing an expanded dominoes set which also functions as a jenga set, and perhaps could be used as some kind of analog calculator a bit like an abacus. i was looking up variations on the game of dominoes and thinking about the esoteric significance of the game

of course i couldnt think about it in peace for long, cus dad came down once again to ask me why i wasnt in bed yet ‘because you wont let me have any fucking peace to think!’ i said ‘the sooner you go to bed the sooner i go to bed!’ it really is like this every fuckin night

‘alright, alright, im going to bed. dont be too long’ he said.  then i heard the dog coming down the stairs ‘fuck sake! dont wake mum up for fuck sake, she’ll come down and yell at both of us!’ i thought then he said (to the dog) ‘oh, do you need a wee?’ n then i got a real bad feeling that i couldnt really place, like everything was going to suddenly go wrong.

i hide his wineglass because for fuck sake if he comes back downstairs im not gonna get any peace hes bumblin around makin a load of noise, then he shuts the door so i presume the dogs inside.

then he comes to me! asking me where the dog is, i say ‘didnt you just let him out? is he inside?’ he shouts to my poor mother, who is just trying to sleep ‘is the dog up there with you!’ she yells back ‘NO! YOUVE JUST LET HIM OUTSIDE YOU STUPID BASTARD!’ or words to that effect. she’s really angry and im like ‘hhhhhhhhhh fuck sake’

i start panicking, for personal insane paranoid reasons (basically a picture of my dog taken that day had a strange lense flare from the sun that, sorta, yknow in the film the omen where they take a picture but theres a weird streak on it and then later the person gets impaled by a huge steel beam. looked sort of like a downward swung scythe to me. praying its just the light, but yeah i got really paranoid.) so i was suddenly like ‘holy shit holy shit is something going to happen to my dog’, i grab my torch and sprint into the garden with my shoes on the wrong feet. i hear my dog suddenly yelp and im genuinely prepared for the worst.

mum had come downstairs now and was yelling like fuck at my dad, who was barely lucid, like, not even understanding why she was angry, and that jus made her angrier)

thankfully, my dog was okay. hed found a hedgehog in the garden, once again, and was once again trying to beat it up and play with it.  i grab his collar and send him back inside. i look at the hedgehog. its all curled up, and i can see that its bleeding. its breathing still though, breathing really heavily. i half cover my torch so as not to frighten it any more and watch it for a bit.

i go back into the kitchen and my mum asks whats wrong, i hesitate for a moment and then tell her dog was being nasty to a hedgehog. i should tell you that hedgehogs are my mums favourite animals, she collects ornaments and paintings of hedgehogs. she really loves them

i dont really know what to do, so i go to the fridge and get an egg and crack it half open, i go back outside and leave it nearby. i notice that mums come outside too, and she asks where it is. i dont want to scare it anymore by getting too close so i just shine the torch on it for a few seconds and point out where its bleeding.

we go back inside, now both feeling really sad. dad is wandering around the house demanding to know where his wine glass is not at all aware of whats happened. mum says shes gonna go for a cig and then try to go back to bed.

i shut the dog in the back room with the curtains closed, i only do that when hes really bad. was too sad even to yell at him. left him in there on his own for atleast an hour an d a half. really disappointed in him. i hope he realises what he did was bad, and i hope he never does it again. hedgehogs are friends.

i went into the living room and sat down and had a drink. dad was still wandering round looking for his wine glass. i say ‘you know the dog just really hurt a hedgehog’ he says ‘dont tell me that right now, i dont want to hear it. where have you put my wine glass!??’ hes just madly looking around calling me a thief, i tell him i havent stolen it, just moved it, but hes drunk too much anyway’ this is another another weekly farce.

he finds it eventually, and sits down. my mum comes in the room now, and i can tell she’d been crying. she says maybe we should put it in a cardboard box or something, i say i dont want to disturb or traumatise it anymore, and it wouldnt want to be in our house anyway. we discuss it for a while, dad keeps making suggestions about what takeaways are open or something because hes half asleep and not actually listening to what were saying.

eventually we decide that i’ll check on it in a few hours to see if its still there or dead or what and if its still alive then i’ll put it in a box and see if we can take it to the vets in the morning (not likely, since theyre only open for emergencies atm)

she goes to bed, dad goes a little while after, still smugly talking about how i should be in bed and mumll be upset if im up to late, cus hes completely out of it

then, just as i put youtube on to distract myself, the internet goes down for like 15 minutes.

i jus sit there refreshing the page. it comes back on after a little while.

i idly browse but cant enjoy anything. i think about writing a tumblr post about it (as i am doing now) but it feels wrong at the time.

i open omegle and tell the first person who’ll listen jus to get it off my chest, theyre very kind, and then we idly chat about some shit. i start to feel better.

then i go have a look in the garden; the hedgehog is gone and the egg is unfinished. i dont know if that means a fox got it, or whether it shuffled away somewhere to die or if it was ok and it wandered off thinking ‘never fucking ever coming to this garden again!’ hopefully the last, but thats still sad. i know hedgehogs are pretty resilient animals. i hope it was okay

i let the dog out of the room about 2 because he started scratching at the door. i didnt say anything i just sent him up to bed. he had an ashamed face. i hope he never does it again.

then i stayed on omegle all night until about 6am. stupid thing to do but i felt better after a while. 

i feel the evil energy was gone in the morning. the moon has begun to wane and moved into sagittarius. mum seems alright. dont know if dad remembers anything from late last night. im feelin okay, jus real hungover. drank a lot more than i meant to

dont think im gonna proof read this so it might be a bit rambling. jus wanna get it off my chest

[svucarisiaddict]

can you do a nick one where the reader is a detective and she ends up in a hostage situation and the hostage taker puts the gun to her head and says something like “you love her. Don’t you?” To nick and he has to admit it

//This is so long! Sorry! I’m talking 2500+words…I get a bit carried away sometimes//

Soft light started filtering through the curtains waking you from your peaceful slumber. A heavy arm was over your body holding you in place which was fine and dandy with you. Mornings like this were few and far between for you and Nick so you were relishing every second.

“You awake?” Nick mumbled as he nuzzled his nose in your hair. His hand skimmed down your bare thigh. “Cause if your not. I’m about to give you a very rude awakening.”

“Hmmm…just how rude?” You shifted your hips to press back into Nick.

“Obscenely rude,” he replied.

“Oh, how I love Saturdays.”

Nick peppered kisses on your shoulder and down your arm while his hand traveled over your belly slowly making his way to the juncture between your thighs. Nick’s phone rang and buzzed on the nightstand. He groaned as he rolled away from you to answer. “Amaro. Got it Liv. I’ll be there in 20. No. It’s okay. I’ll call her. See ya.”

“How bad?” you asked as you sat on the side of the bed before standing and wrapping the sheet around you.

“Bad bad,” Nick answered. “Rape, homicide and hostage situation.” He pulled on his boxers and started redressing.

“Jesus. Guess that answers my next question about a shower. What time is it anyway?”

“Uh, just after 6am. You finish getting dressed. I’ll get the coffee going.” He rounded to your side of the bed and kissed your cheek. “Good morning by the way, .”

“It would’ve been a lot better if Liv hadn’t have called,” you grumbled.

Thirty minutes later you and Nick rolled up to the scene. Liv and Carisi were already there and Fin was pulling up at the same time as you.

“Mornin’ guys. Didn’t you wear that suit yesterday, Amaro? Dry cleaners closed or somthin’?” He smirked.

You hid a grin behind your coffee cup. Fin knew about you and Nick but put on that he didn’t. You had a pretty great partner in Fin. Usually, Nick had an extra suit at your place. Unfortunately, the suit he had on was extra from when he stayed the previous night.

Nick nodded his head. “Yeah. Something like that.”

The three of you reached Liv and Carisi to get a briefing on the situation at hand. She gave you a quick rundown. A man followed his ex and her new boyfriend home. Raped her, killed the new boyfriend and was now holding her and her roommate hostage.

“Hey, Nick. Is that the same suit from yesterday?” Sonny asked as the group walked to the mobile command.

“Shut up, Carisi,” Nick said.

“Sorry, Sarge,” Sonny replied.

Liv eyed you and Nick but didn’t comment. “Well now that we’ve all acknowledged that Nick is wearing the same suit he did yesterday can we please get back to the case?” She gave pointed looks to you and Nick. “Okay, guys name is Jake Malone.”

Your ears perked at the name. “The hostage taker? He early 30’s, tall, red hair?” you asked.

“Think you know him?” Fin asked.

“Possibly. An old roommate had a brother by that name. Probably a coincidence,” you concluded.

“Here is his picture,” Liv said as she passed you the tablet she had in he hand.

“It is him. Holy shit,” you mumbled. Something in his eyes was different. He was always happy, the life of the party, his eyes bright, but now they just looked sad. “Has anyone made contact with him?”

“Just one phone call from the negotiator but he hung up,” Liv informed you.

“Let me talk to him. Maybe if it’s someone he knows he’ll be more open to talking,” you suggested.

“You’re not going in there,” Nick blurted out. “Too dangerous. Even more so because he knows you.”

Everyone’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at Nick’s outburst. Except for you. Right now you were shooting him daggers. Smooth, Nick. Real smooth. “Who do you think you are? Last I checked I could make my own decisions,” you snapped.

Nick pointed a finger in the air at you. “I’m your sergeant and your-” Nick stopped his speech right before he outed the two of you the squad, half the ESU and negotiations. “I’ll go. I doubt he wants to talk to a woman right now since he feels like he was screwed over by one.”

“You may be my sergeant but Liv has final say.” Crossing your hand over your chest you turned your attention to her. “So. Do you think I can handle it?”

She stood silent for a moment no doubt replaying the interaction that you and Nick just had. Liv looked between you and Nick. “Get your vest on,” she directed you.

“Your alpha male is showing,” you said in passing. You made it a point to shoulder check him.

“Really mature,” he mumbled.

“Fin you stay close to her, but out of sight,” Liv ordered.

“On it,” Fin replied. He jogged to catch up with you. “Trouble in paradise?” he asked you.

You looked around to be sure no one could hear you. “It’s like all of a sudden he sees me like some fragile porcelain doll,” you answered. “Drives me nuts.”

“He sees as more than a fellow cop now. The dynamic of your relationship has changed. Nick has always been protective but now that you two are…well together that protectiveness just went into overdrive,” Fin explained.

“You ready? We got him on the phone.” The negotiator said.

You nodded and took the phone as he passed it to you. “Jake? It’s Y/F/N Y/L/N. I’d like to come up and talk with you if that’s okay?” He repeated your name then was silent. He finally agreed but only without a gun and you had to come alone. “That’s not a problem, Jake. I’m giving my gun to my partner right now.” You unholstered your gun handing it over to Fin.

When Nick saw what you were doing he shook his head and started stalking toward you. You halted him with one look. He clenched his jaw but stayed put.

The walk up the five flights of stairs felt like it took forever. When you reached the apartment you rapped on the door. A woman opened the door with the chain attached. “I’m Y/N.” The door closed and you heard the chain slide open. You were ushered in quickly. The woman that opened the seemed unharmed physically but she was terrified. Her eyes were big as she opened the door. “What’s your name?” you asked the brunette.

“Tori,” she said.

“It’s okay, Tori. I’m gonna get you out of here,” you said in a calm voice.

Holding your hands up you made eye contact with Jake. It had been a couple years that you had seen him. His eyes were haunted.

He blinked rapidly and shook his head. “Y/N? I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did it,” he said in a shaky voice. His arm was around her neck with a gun pushed to her head.

“Cause you’re a psycho. I should have known as soon as we started dating,” the blonde said. Must be the ex, Mandy.

This was your opportunity, a little role reversal. “Okay, Mandy. What did you do him?”

The look she gave you could kill. After a beat, she understood what you were trying to do. “I-I had a miscarriage, cheated on him,” she stammered.  “I’m so sorry, Jake. It was wrong.”

“Too late for apologies. Our baby is gone. Maybe you should have thought about that before you became a slut,” he spat.

“I’m sorry you have to go through that. That was a horrible thing to do,” you empathized.

He lowered the gun. “I just want to be happy again,” he said.

“I know you do. What you went through, I can’t imagine.” You bite your bottom lip then took a deep breath. “Why don’t let these two go. So we can sit and talk,” you suggested.

His phone started ringing. “That will be my lieutenant. She wants to help get everyone out safely,” you stated.

He never broke eye contact with you as he answered the phone. “Hello? They’re fine. No. No. I won’t do that.” He took a deep breath then pushed on the screen of the phone setting it on a nearby table. “Tell him you are okay. He doesn’t believe me.”

“This is Sargeant Amaro. How is everyone?”

Fucking Nick. “We’re fine, Sergeant. Jake is calm. We’re talking.” The other women chimed in saying they were fine. “We were talking. Jake is going to let Tori go. Right, Jake?”

Jake put his hand to his head. “I dunno.”

“If you cooperate with them, they work with you, Jake,” you reminded him.

“Go. Fucking go.”

“Tori. Head out, slowly.” She nodded her head in acknowledgment. You breathed a sigh of relief when she got out the door. “Tori is coming down now.”

“Thank you-” Nick was saying but Jake ended the call.

Mandy tried to squirm out of his grasp. “Not you,” he said and tightened his arm around her neck.

“Please, Jake. I’m sorry. I-I want to come back. I was stupid-” she begged before she was cut off by Jake.

“You really think I want you back? A cheating whore?” he said with disgust. “I want someone that will stay loyal, honest…”

You knew ESU had cameras, mics, snipers in place by this time. It’s what I want too. Hard to find it these days. Seems all anyone wants is a roll in the hay, then see ya later.”

Jake eyed you skeptically. “Yeah. Or they act like they want to be with you but don’t actually make the commitment.”

You smiled. “You really seem to get me. Why didn’t we talk more when I and your sister were roommates?”

He actually gave you a smile. “I was too shy. You were older and just seemed out of my league.” Jake started loosening his grip on Mandy. “Do-do you have a boyfriend?”

“I really wouldn’t call him that,” you scoffed. “Probably using me like every other man has. Guess I’ll take what I can get. It’s really all I deserve.” Looking up at him through your lashes you said, “makes me wonder if there are any good guys left out there.”

“Those are boys. Men don’t treat women like that,” Jake stated. “You deserve better than whoever it is you’re with right now.”

“You’re right.” Taking a couple cautious steps toward Jake you said, “let Mandy go. Me and you, we need to be alone. Talk.”

The phone rang again. “Answer it,” he directed. “On speaker.”

Slowly you reached for the phone. “This is Detective Y/L/N.”

“This is Lieutenant Benson. Is Jake able to talk?” she asked.

“He’s here, Liv.” You nodded at Jake.

“Hello?” he said.

“I want to thank you for letting Tori go. What can we do for you?”

Jake looked to you. “It’s okay. Liv is a good person. She’ll help you,” you insisted.

“Nothing you can give me,” he said.

“How about you let Mandy go? We’ll help you get out safe,” she offered.

“I can stay with him. He doesn’t want to be alone,” you said. You could hear Nick in the background swearing and saying no way. Liv covered the speaker to block Nick. Once he had either calmed down or moved away she came back on the phone.

“Can you do that? Can you let Mandy go and Y/N can stay?” Liv asked.

Jake furrowed his brow. The hand holding the gun clenched around the handle and released. He was contemplating his choices. Jake nodded quickly.

You let out breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Liv? Mandy is on her way.”

“Great. That’s great, Jake. Thank you for working with us,” Liv said.

Mandy slowly slipped out of Jake’s arm. She cautiously walked to the door, her eyes flicking from you back to Jake. You heard the door the door open then click shut in short succession. Just you and Jake. Your mind raced with thoughts of how you were going to get out of this one. “Why don’t we sit?” you said.

Jake took a seat on the couch then gestured you to join him. “Tell me. This guy you’re with, do you work with him?”

“I do. Which was a bad decision right out of the block. I thought he may be different but…” you sighed. The things you were telling Jake were real feelings. Fin tried to talk you out of getting involved. But by the time he had found out you were in too deep with Nick. The scary part was you had fallen in love with Nick months ago.

“You love him?” he asked.

It wasn’t a question you had expected. “Yeah. Pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same. Unrequited love has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.”

A commotion at the door startled both you and Jake. Nick came busting through the door. Jake grabbed you and put the gun at your side. “Who the hell are you?” he screamed.

“Sargeant Amaro. Put the gun down, Jake!” Nick warned. He turned his eyes to you, clearly afraid. He mouthed “I’m sorry.”

“It’s you. Isn’t it? The one that has been playing Y/N,” Jake challenged.

“I’m not playing her. I love her,” Nick said softly. His eyes shifted to yours.

The next thing you knew Jake was on the floor holding his knee. The sniper finally had a clean shot. Nick rushed over and kicked the gun from Jake’s reach. ESU burst through the doors as Nick was cuffing him. Once he was taken out of the apartment by ESU it was just you and Nick.

Nick took your hand to lead you out the door. “Let’s get you checked out by the EMT’s”

“I’m fine-”

Nick sighed then mumbled. “Can’t you ever do anything you’re told?”

“Now what fun would that be?” you joked.

Nick waited for you until you got the all clear from the paramedics. He put his arm around your shoulders as you walked to the car. “I want to talk about earlier when I said I love you-”

“It’s okay, Nick. I know you said it because there was a gun held on me,” you gave him a tight smile. “I get it. Going through a divorce-”

Nick stopped and grasped your shoulders. “I love you, Y/N,” Nick interrupted you this time. He didn’t give you time to say anything as he leaned over and kissed you. Like a reflex, his arms encircled your body and yours wrapped around his neck.

Cheers, claps, and whistling made the two of you stop and giggle. When you turned Liv was the first person you saw. She had her fingers between her lips eliciting a high pitched whistle.

“Bout time!” Fin called.

Sonny was clapping and smiling wide.

“I think we have everyone’s approval,” Nick said with a beaming smile.

“Seems so.” You put your hand on Nick’s chest. “ I love you too, Nick.” This time you stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss much to the delight of the audience.

[gyulscult]

chenle as your boyfriend

before we start, this is a little gift for my friend on twitter (@jhwaney). I hope you like it!

okay so,, when you two first met was when yall were kids

you were eating lunch alone since you knew no one

then chenle came out of nowhere

“why you’re siting alone here?”

“you don't got anyone to sit with?”

“can I sit with you?”

“sure??”

then he started daily siting with you and you both got to know each other

that's when you both became friends

move on to high school

here’s where he started to crush on you

you both were studying in the library and out of nowhere

“y/n I got a question”

“what is it?”

“do you like someone?”

oH BOYY,,,,

“no, why do you ask?”

“nothing just curious” while letting out his cute dolphin laugh uwu

the next day was weekends so you spend it with chenle

while you both were studying, chenle was just looking at you the whole time and you didn't notice.

“lets study later, LETS GO BUY SNACKS”

“alright but don't let me pay like last time IM BROKE AS A JOKE”

thE LAUGH AKJUHDIJHGHJCHDJDHDSII

“I wILL PAY :D“

then yall go

you both filled the cart with snacks and drinks aND OH BOY IT COSTED TOO MUCH,,,

“how are you pay all that mr. genius”

“miss genius I got this >:^|”

and you were like wHAT THE HELL DUDE SDUHSUGH when he payed all of it

“dude what are you”

“zhong chenle :3″

“neVERMINDDD”

yall take the bags and go back home

when you get back to the house

you both decide to watch a movie

bE READY FOR THE HUGSSSS ;u;;;;;

the softest side hug ever uwu

he’ll be resting his head at your shoulder and you’re gOING TO SCREAM UHYGUSIJHGHDSKLJ

you just act like you didn't notice and continue watching the movie

after an hour the movie is almost finished

and you surprisingly didn't fall asleep

while lele did

he fall asleep at your shoulder

you kept playing with his hair aND HIS HAIR??? IS??? SO??? SOFT???

when the movie ended, when you moved a little to get your phone

“don't move”

“uhu?, okay,, sorry”

“how is it to feel like being the cutest person on this world”

this is when you start to feel something WAS off,, you stayed quiet

“when I asked you if you liked someone in the library,, I wanted to know so no one can try to get you before I do”

‘hE’S JUST BEING DELUSIONAL THATS ALL’

“you know, I liked you since we started to become close friends. I will probably lose my friendship with you because of this though,,”

you wanted to stop him :((

“not liked, I loved you since that. I hope you feel the same way if not let’s just be friends”

your heart was gonna break from just hearing him saying all that :((

after some time, chenle stopped and he fall asleep again

“I love you too“

after ALL THAT ANGSTY STUFF,,

there was school :D (smilin’ through thE PAIN)

you went to your class that didn't have chenle (you share every class with him except music)

you sat down at your seat, and class started

through the whole class, you couldn't focus

you kept thinking about what chenle said

your hands got swEATY AND YOU WERE LIKE HGFFDUGBGYUUYDVGH

“deep breaths, deep breaths”

and you were finally calm

you ‘tried’ to do well in your class

after it finally ended you got out

it was already afternoon

you went to your locker, in your way there you dumped into someone

“h-hey I'm sorry-”

“chenle?”

“yeah,,, sorry should’ve watched my way, here I’ll help you”

“it’s alright, no you don't need to-” you were gonna take the book that was in front of you but yall hands reached it at the same time

chenle giggled and you let go (YOURE SURE AS HELL YOURE BURNING HAAHGAHJHSJ)

as you both finished “thank you”

“no it’s no problem”

“also hey, can we go to the park that is near here? I got something to tell you,,”

oh boy,,,,

“yeah sure!”

after that, you both go out

“you know,,, about what I said yesterday”

“you weren’t delusional?,,,,”

he chuckled “I wasn't, I meant all what I said back there”

“so wait,,,”

“hmm?”

“aren’t we already dating????”

“bro- what”

“I thought we were already”

“oKAY LETS GO TO A UNOFFICAL DATE PLS :’^)”

LETS GET INTO THE COUPLE STUFF FINALLY

the unofficial date was at a calm café uwu

it was really nice and quiet

not to mention he was holding your hand the whole time

and you’re just melting because he’s holding your hand softly because he doesn't want to hurt your hand :((

you would just be talking and he suddenly laughs really dead out of nowhere

“so I was lik-“

“HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHSHAHAGHAHAHAAGHAGSAH BABE YOURE SO FUNNY AAHAH”

“I didn't say anything just yet??”

“YOU’RE SO ADORABLE HAAGHAHAGHAHAHS”

and you’re like alright and laugh along with him

basically you can’t get sad when you’re around him but when you do

he would usually hug you while you cry and let your heart out on his shoulder while he tries to comforts you

he wouldn't show if he’s sad or not, when you notice it he denies it but end up giving up because you’re impossible

he shares his concerns to you and you do the same

he trusts you the most and always rant to you

when he gets jealous, he would just stare at you and probably start whining if you don't notice what’s going on with him

“y/n!,, you’re not paying attention to me :((”

“what‘s wrong lele??”

“pay attention to meeee”

and you would just sit next to him and side hug him until he becomes less whiney and ask him why is he jealous

cUDDLES;;;;

do I need to say anything else

when you hug him hE !! JUST!! MELTS!!

like he would hug you and not let you go and you’re alright with it because his hugs are just so soft???? :(((

“do you want me to let you go?”

“no, let me hug you uwu”

aNDHEJUSTMELTSANDHUGSYOUEVENMORE:((

thE EARLY MORNING CUDDLES;;;;;;

you’d just wake up in 6am

and he would be asleep but you cant sleep

then he would wake up because you’re moving around

“what’s wrong?” with his adorable sleepy voice :((

“I can’t sleep :(”

then he just cuddles you

and you’re just uwuuuu

a sMALL KISS-

talking about kisses;;

he would probably just kiss your cheek uwu

he would rarely kiss your lips because come on

hES SHY;;;;

but he mostly kisses your cheek and hug you uwuwu

honestly chenle would be the cutest boyfriend ever :((

so you’re very grateful to have him

and he’s grateful to have you too

sorry if this was long ;___;

bUT HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!

and chenle at the end of the day would just want your love and you only uwu

[seasidetae]

10 more minutes.

Pairing: taehyung x reader 

Genre: fluff, one shot, tiny smut (does it even count? lol) 

Word Count: 1.8k

a/n:  just felt like writing a little cute one shot because i’ve been gone for a while and taehyung looks so cute yet hot in the morning.. i don’t even know how he does it, he’s not human or something bc look at him. thanks for sticking around and thank you so much for reading :) 

“Lay with me a bit longer.” You hear Taehyung mumble behind you in his groggy morning voice. He stretches out his arm and grabs your t-shirt then tugs it gently. You were sitting at the edge of the bed staring at the time on the clock realizing you had overslept yet again. You could hear the noise of traffic down below and the chirping songs of the early birds outside your window. This morning you weren’t alone. 

It was funny and adorable how quickly Tae realized you weren’t by his side or in his arms anymore. You turn around and smile at him. His eyes were closed and his mouth was bent into a frown his long body sprawled out under the covers now in the spot where you were once laying. Taehyung wasn’t a morning person and he was usually a heavy sleeper but this past week he had been waking up every morning begging you to not go like a child. He was still tugging on your shirt half awake half asleep. 

“I gotta go, you may be on a break but not me Tae, I still have work like a regular person.” You tease and grab his hand that was holding your shirt. He now opens his eyes and his frown only got bigger. 

He clears his throat before speaking. “A regular person would lay in bed with their lover who they barely see and call out sick from work.” With those words he closes his eyes lets go of your hand and grabs a pillow to latch himself onto. He was using the guilt trick on you and with him it always worked. 

A laugh escapes your lips and you throw yourself beside him, a grin appears on his face and he throws the pillow to the side only to replace you in his arms. He was so warm and soft, he held you tightly against him as if you were some stuffed animal, your face was pressed against his bare chest and you could barely breathe. Not a word from him, he was back asleep in a minute and if you tried to release his hold on you there was no doubt he’d wake up again. 

You pull back ever so slightly just to get a look at him, you adored the way his lips automatically made a pout when he was sleeping and the way his brown hair sprawled out on his pillow some strands there and others in his face. 

“Tae.” You whisper softly. 

“Hmm?” He answers back. 

“You need to let me go.”

He shakes his head. “Never.” You feel his grip on you tighten and you smile to yourself feeling your heart flutter at his words. Even half asleep he knew what to say.  

“If you want me to call out of work you have to let go.” You explain. 

Taehyung groans loudly but doesn't release his hold. Instead he lowers his head and places his soft lips on yours kissing you gently. Damn. There was no winning with this kid, you would rather stop breathing than stop kissing him. But he was the one who stopped, he still had his eyes shut when he pulled back. “Can I ask you something?” He questions, now sounding more awake than ever. 

You nod waiting for him to speak then realize he couldn’t see the nod. “Ask away.” 

“Theoretically speaking......If you were to become my wife.....Would that mean you’d stay with me in bed a bit longer every morning?” He says so casually. 

A gasp was all you managed to do, you stare at him with wide eyes waiting for him to open his or say something but he didn’t. There was a smile on his face but nothing else. Was he just teasing you, maybe he was so sleepy that he just randomly started to blurt out nonsense. This wouldn’t be the first time he’s done that, last time he talked about wanting to go to the zoo with you for about ten minutes. You sigh deeply and decide to play along. “This is all theoretical right?”

He nods a lazy nod. 

“Well...” You begin pretending to be in deep thought. “Becoming your wife doesn't change the fact that I’d still have to go to work. I mean how much longer are we talking about? Theoretically.” You tease thinking it was funny he used that word. 

“At least 10 minutes extra.” He answers without a second thought, his voice was not as groggy as before but still deep. 

“Gosh... I don’t think I could do that.. I mean I’d be extra late to work and then there’s traffic which would just make me even more late... I do need my breakfast also and my coffee...Waking up early wouldn’t help because I’d be extra tired throughout the day..” Your voice trails off and you press your lips together trying to contain a giggle from escaping. Taehyung no longer had a smile and somewhere throughout your speech he had opened his eyes. He was now staring at you with an unpleasant look on his face. 

“Why do you look so grumpy?” You giggle and give him a peck on the lips that he did not return. “This was all theoretical right?” 

Taehyung only glared at you not taking your amusement at this well. He sighs a deep tired sigh. “All I want is for you to stay in my arms a bit longer just 10 minutes, but I guess you can’t do that.” He lets you go and turns his entire body to face the other side, giving you his back. Was he really angry..? You were only playing along. 

“Tae...” You call out to him sadly and poke his back. “I thought we were joking around, look today I’ll call out-” 

You stop mid sentence because he was turning back to you. When he did he didn’t cuddle you, instead he stared at you with a serious determined look. “Close your eyes.” He orders.

Since you didn’t want him angry anymore you do as he says without a word. “Now tell me, does this change anything?” You open your eyes. He had his hand held out in front of you and held by tip of his fingers was a sliver ring with a beautiful white opal in the center.

No words could express what you were feeling. Was this really happening? You blink a couple times not realizing fresh tears had slid down your cheeks. Taehyung was proposing to you right here and now at 6am in your bed? Shouldn’t a part of you be angry.. he cant even get dow on one knee for you.. But no you couldn’t be mad, just staring at him with his ruffled hair and tired eyes a big adorable smirk on his handsome face. Taehyung didn’t need to get down on one knee, there was no need for that because no matter what way he asked you to be his you had already decided your answer long ago. You were about to speak but he intervenes. 

He closes his hand the beautiful ring no longer visible. “Jimin said this would be a good idea, I mean I’m the one who came up with the idea but he agreed. I only did this here because this one of my happiest moments with you. I know I’m always at practice or at concerts or at interviews but here, right here just this moment where I can be in bed with you. Where I wake up with you by my side or in my arms is the happiest moment of my entire life. Then I realized i want this moment forever.. I know it’s hard but we always work it out. So.... y/n, will you make me the happiest guy alive and marry me?” 

The answer was right there at the tip of your tongue ready to come out but instead all you managed to do was nod because that one word would come out as a sob. “Come here baby.” He says in a careful tone as if he was speaking to a child. Without hesitation you scoot closer to him until his arms engulfed you. 

Taehyung presses his lips on the top of your head. “I love you so much.” He whispers.

“I love you so much more.” You whisper back. Taehyung lifts your chin so you could face him. “What?” You croak blinking back fresh tears. He wipes them away and grins that boxy grin you loved so much. Was this guy really going to be your husband? This handsome dork who for some reason slept with all his jewelry on because he was too lazy to take it off before bed. It all felt so surreal, as if you were still in bed with him dreaming this whole thing. You were Kim Taehyungs fiancé. You heart swells up with happiness at the thought. 

“I think we should celebrate..”. He mumbles as he begins kissing your lips and makes his way to your neck. You giggle at the sensation and let his plump lips make their way down to your collar bone. His hands grab your waist and he groans at that fact that your shirt was in the way. He pulls it up over your head in seconds. You let out a slight moan when his hands grope your breast and his lips kiss them softly. At the sound of that Taehyung quickly adjusts himself on top of you, your hands search his warm chest greedily feeling his heartbeat grow more and more. 

There was nothing you wanted more than to get his boxers off but a tiny thought in the back of your head wasn't letting you concentrate. His heavy body was already pressed hard against yours and his hands were already sliding down your underwear. His lips found their way back to yours and he kissed you with more passion. “Taehyung.” You manage to sigh in between a kiss. He didn’t seem to hear you instead he took yours hands in his and placed them on his waist waiting for you to get those damn boxers off. 

“Wait wait wait.” You say loudly. Taehyung groans and lifts himself up a bit. He stares at you questioningly and also a bit disturbed that you had interrupted this moment. 

“I still have to call out of work.” You whisper shyly biting your lip. Taehyung lets out a deep chuckle and lets his body fall back on yours. He lowers himself to rest his head on your chest. 

“Hurry up and call because this isn’t going away anytime soon. I need to celebrate and sleep with my fiancé.” He murmurs placing a gentle kiss on your skin. 

You smile and run your hands through his dark hair thinking how funny it was that a person who wasn’t made for mornings could be so productive just to make you his... and make you lay with him 10 more minutes. 

[mabsj]

30/12/19

Hellooowww Tumblrr Diary... Late update I guess because my schedule is abit tight today.. (29/12).. I schedule myself spending time with families, they wanted to have their lunch at bedok Sri Bistari.. Should try and if you want to eat Roti John, Nasi Ayam Penyet, thats a place I can recommend.. If someone who loves to eat Pengat Durian, they are selling too.. But have to be quick because its limited only.. Well Diary, today was a tiring day.. Spend time with my family for lunch at bedok, then I went for my fitness to gain back not muscles, but strength.. ahahaha.. But if muscles would be fine.. hahahah.. Anywayssss... Supposedly I'm meeting my best buddy (Hisyam).. Well....Turns out I cancel it because He's somewhat late so I want to finish my fitness early.. So I texted him to cancel and we find another day Insyaa'Allah.. So after having lunch, spend time with my family, send them back home, change my attire bla bla bla, get to my car, drive off to ECP(East Coast Park).. Yeeeaaapp.. I decided to change the menu.. I mean...venue.. So I make some quick jog, and my cousin called.. This cousin of mind, He's a littllllee bit fetish.. Not fetish in that.. But fetish in riding up.. Yeah.. He pass his bike license and buy a 1st hand bike.. He loves bikes.. But for me,, I loves cars.. Not luxuries I supposed.. So I continue my jog and some push ups, pull up and I jogg back to where I park my car because Im meeting him there.. So he arrive and we walk to this so called like a foot bench.. Cant describe it but if you were a photogenic type of person who loves to take a picture with nice view scenery of the sunset, thats the place.. So he sat down having out nonsense conversations and he ask me if I would ever accompany him if he were want to ride up with me.. My answer is, I WOULD LOVE TO.. Like who doesnt want to travel right ?? Drive up, see the scenery, visiting neighbour country.. But he told me, Im much more faster driver than him.. But woah.. I have to stop that.. He know I've been to Thailand by driving up.. Border of Narathiwat.. So he ask me, whats the feeling like.. I said, wonderful.. Lots of Challenging.. He wants to try but he was scared.. Because his bike is R15 V3.. 2B bike.. But I said, my nephew ride X1R to thailand and he is also 2B bike.. Much smaller tank than yours.. But he manage..If a smaller bike can manage, why not you.. I said to him.. Your pitstop is mucb more than car.. I drove up, my only pitstop is top up some petrol.. Which is from full till empty lights on, it took me 450km.. Smaller bikes can reach up est 150km-250km depending on what type of 2B bikes.. Cars is more tiring even if we drive fast, even if we got aircon, roof, but once you fall asleep, thats it.. that car will turn into a bed of yourself..

So he ask me why dont I change my car to drive like bigger CC cars example like BMW, MERC, AUDI, VOLKSWAGEN, JAGUAR, ESTIMA, VELLFIRE, ALPHARD.. And I told him, thats is what every single person dream of to have.. But mine is different.. I dont dream of having that car.. I dont like is.. My favourate car is sports car.. Not exotic supercar like skyline gtr.. nope.. Thats not me.. I prefer sports car like Subaru Impreza, Mitsubishi Lancer GT, Colt plus Turbo.. Those legally modified cars.. Eventhough they aren't that luxury, but the interior you can make it luxury.. My mindset of buying a car is not about luxury or feeling luxury.. Its about traveling with ease, comfort.. Its how you change to make it comfortable.. Yes I drove a red Subaru.. Its loud.. I named that car Sabre.. Because its loud and fast except not blow off valve sound.. And I save that my money and bought that car and pay full cash.. But I have to let it go due to lots of mechanical failure.. So I change to Mitsubishi Colt Plus Turbo.. Not so sporty and big.. Just a small zippy white car looks like a hatchback.. But the engines ladies and gentlement.. I was shock by with its pick up power and withstand power.. Its incredible.. Much faster than my Sabre(Subaru).. With Mivec Turbo, Smooth engine, Loud blow off valve sound, Turbo installed and thats a beauty.. I fall in love to that car and I trade in my Sabre to that.. And I named is, Beetle.. It looks like a beetle to me due to the body size and the face of the car..

Yeap.. Thats the beauty.. My longest journey with this lady is to Narathiwat Thailand.. I know Singapore cars heading to Thailand can only cross border at Kayu Hitam(Perlis).. So no choice.. I head there visiting my late uncle family there as we unable to visit him when he passed away.. So there was me(driver), passengers is my mum, cik rasid(Uncle), Cik noi(Aunty) and Ramdhan(Cousin).. 5pax in this car travelling to Narathiwat.. We depart at night around 9pm Singapore at my Aunty house.. So we go through via Tuas-Second Link and stop at gelang patah for them to buy food, snacks, cigg whatsoever.. we departed at 10pm.. I was the main and only driver.. I make calculations before the trip on how many times I need to pump, how many pitstop, and total KM journey, est total hours and est time arrival.. Initially it goes as plan as what I plan on hardcopy.. 1hr break on every pitstop.. Total hours including pit stop is 18hrs estimated including pit stop.. total journey, going there took me 1256km.. not counted as going back to singapore.. thats times 2..

So we depart from gelang patah at 10pm.. My first pit stop is Yong Peng bus terminal pit stop where every busses stop there.. We arrive there 1hr 15mins as what I clocked in inside my stopwatch.. But sadly many of the halal food is closed.. so we head to next RnR.. And gladly its open.. so we had some food to eat.. 1hr.. I finish my food, I go to the massage chair for massage.. insert in Rm10 and all mine.. but halfway I let my mom continue because the massage chair beside me spoiled.. hahahaha.. And we departed at 11.15pm.. I decided to have additional pit stop for me to had my cold bath to wake me up and drink some coffee, have some cigg.. not sure whats the pitstop name.. Because i've been driving for 2hrs and 30mins non stop and I feel sleepy.. Time was like around 2am plus.. I had my bath and drink strong coffee because normal coffee still makes me sleepy.. And smoke some sticks.. So time still shows 2am plus.. And I continue the trip.. The rest all are asleep.. Only me are awake.. In order for them to sleep peacefully, I plug in my earpods.. ahahaha.. So I played hip hop songs with full blast.. We reach KL RnR pitstop at around 3.45am.. shock huh.. I was driving 140km/h with 5pax inside.. hahahaha.. So they all had their meals whatever.. 4.30am, we continue the journey.. Same as usual, everybody was asleep.. I continue driving.. Drive about 2hr30mins, we arrive at Penang.. Slightly above penang.. ahahaha.. Time shown is 6am.. so me, my mum, my aunty went for our subuh prayers.. I felt fresh after my prayers.. so I grab myself some coffee and some fruits so we head on to our last RnR pit stop.. the Northbound i forgot the name is.. Its 45mins drive.. And there we had our morning freaking cold bath, and had our breakfast.. They thought its 1hr still.. But I told them, make it 2hrs.. Because we are early and ahead of our Schedule.. They are shock.. ahahaha.. I was shocked too.. Had my 2nd petrol pump and we buzz of to Changlun.. Still at malaysia but thats were I do my 3rd party insurance for thailand, white card and details of the pax inside my car and details of my car.. We reach Kayu Hitam at 9am.. And its fast.. Then we reach at Sadao border, thats where it my turn to get off from the car to get my export vehicle permit done.. total we spend there almost 2hrs including chop our passport.. Once done, we continue our journey in Thailand.. Welcome to Thailand..

The journey is not as comfortable as malaysia or singapore.. Its really rough.. Dont even think your car will be clean.. Its dirty with sand and muds.. We head on to Narathiwat Via Pattani.. Thats the highway for them though.. And the journey took us 3hrs by right.. BUT !!!! It drag till 4hrs.. BECAUSE !!! The waze GPS shows speed limit is 90km/h.. But actually they are driving 40-50km/h.. Skip the journey we reach narathiwat school at 4pm(Local Time).. Thailamd timing is 3pm(1hr behind).. We had my cousin to fetch us infront of the school and guide us inside.. Finally we reach..

We arrive at 4.15pm to our Late Uncle family house.. She cooked for us actually.. She knows I love tom yum and she cook it spicy for me.. hahahaha.. But sadly didnt get to.. Because, upon arriving, we greet and see them hug and cry, and me unloading all the stuff from my boot, and we chit chat, laugh, and on ome point, I lie down and poooofffff.... I was fast asleep.. My mum told me I was soundly asleep from 5pm(Local) till next day 10am(local).. ahahahaha..

Alright Diary..Will continue tomorrow as I need my sleep because Im working.. Good nighty..

[aimskyymama-blog]

New York New York

There is so much I can say about New York, but I will try to stay focused on the task at hand! :) This was Micah’s first trip and we had a blast. If you stumbled on my blog out of curiosity, welcome. If its to read about our trip, my advice or just to see some photos then stay tuned.

Although we travel a lot I wont lie, my husband and I were nervous about traveling with a 4 month old. I was a little less nervous than him. Being a flight attendant for five years has helped me. I always marveled in awe when I would watch a mama wrangle a baby and/or a toddler all by herself flawlessly. So I always took mental notes for the future (thank you super mamas). We worked as a team and didn’t let any of the small stuff sweat us or slow us down. I honestly want to give him the dad of the year award for several reasons, but more on that later…

This was a very short trip. We left Florida around 6am on a Tuesday and came back at 7pm on Thursday. I will try to break this trip down by parts so I can stay organized haha.

Flights

We each had one carry on so a total of three. I packed my bag with half of Micah’s clothes and half of my own. I made sure to pack him 2-3 outfits for each day (whatever he was wearing and 2 extra in his diaper bag just in case so about 5-6 total for the whole trip). I packed him 2 footed pajamas (he wore one on the flight there), socks, diapers, wipes, his favorite teething toy, hand sanitizer/wipes, four spit up cloths (he didn’t use all four so I think 2-3 would’ve been fine for us), his muslin blanket (he used this a lot since its light enough for hot days but can be used to keep warm when folded), one thick blanket (also never used), soap and wash cloth, no need for formula since he is breastfed (which also made this easier), his LilleBaby carrier, and his Chicco bravo travel system (which I wish we didn’t take or found another option but ill explain why below). Micah’s carry on was his diaper bag and it had the things I normally pack for him.

My husband carried the bags and pushed the stroller while I wore Micah through the airport. This is why I wish we didn’t take his travel system. Getting through TSA, gate checking it, and most of all carrying it up and down the subway stairs (FYI, most subways in NY DONT HAVE ELEVATORS) was such a pain. This is why my hubby wins the prize, he did that heavy lifting. We thought about leaving it and buying a collapsible stroller that can fit in the over head but we knew we needed it for his naps and a car seat for any car rides. That’s where I learned the hard way that you can actually request a Lyft or Uber with a car seat. Whoops, lesson number one learned. So my advice, skip the bulky stroller and try to go for a small one that can fold up like the GB Pockit Stroller (if baby is 6 mos and up) or Doona (if you need the stroller to sit at an incline for naps) which is a car seat and stroller in one.

Once we got through TSA and to our gate I carried Micah onto the plane, we checked his car seat and stroller and then put his carrier either under the seat or in the overhead bin. Micah was awesome on the flight. We purposely did an early morning one because he normally sleeps until 8-9am so we knew he would sleep on the flight. I nursed him on both take off and landing to help clear his ears of the pressure. He didn’t ever seem phased.

Once we landed in LGA we hit the ground running! We dropped off our bags, freshened up and then headed to the subway to go to the American Museum of Natural History. 

Coming from Queens, this felt like it took forever. Probably because we had to take Micah in and out of the stroller to go up and down subway stairs and we had to transfer trains. Again, hubby wins the prize because he did all of the navigating. Thankfully because of him, we never took the wrong train or got lost. 

I was busy keeping Micah entertained and taking pictures (I’m always the photographer on our trips). Weather was cloudy and chilly (high 60’s is chilly to Floridians). But as the day progressed the sun came out and it was gorgeous. High 70’s low 80’s. I dressed myself and Micah in layers for that reason. As the temp went up I peeled off the layers.

Food

So as most of you know I am dairy, soy and egg free because of Micah’s intolerance’s to them. Total bummer because hello, PIZZA. :( But, NY is so accommodating when it comes to allergens. Almost every food spot had their ingredients listed and/or vegan meals on the menu. I was able to find a lot of options and if you know different foods, you know what you can eat. For example, I had a delicious Panang chicken Curry from a Thai joint. I knew it was usually made without soy sauce and is made with coconut milk and I simply confirmed with them before ordering. It was delicious. I also had an amazing dairy free sourdough flat bread with their house made vegan cheese in Grand Central Station. SO damn good. But my favorite was carne and pollo asada tacos from Los Tacos No.1 in Chelsea Market. Best tacos I have ever had. I cannot recommend going there enough! I ate like five of them and I had no shame haha! Being restricted from food has been tough so to find such delicious food that fit my diet made me feel so happy. We definitely will be going back as soon as I can have cheese so I can eat my heart out with pizza. If you also have a food intolerant little babe then you know how you always have a moment of fear when checking a diaper after eating something new. I cant tell you how many times I’ve been told in a restaurant  "no egg" or “no dairy” and then Micah’s poo goes from normal not smelly yellow poop to nasty, green, messy and smelly poo but we had none of that. :)

Transportation

We only took a car ride to and from the airport. We used Lyft and it was very easy and not pricey. Besides that we either used the subways or the bus. We purposely chose NY as our first trip with Micah for this reason. We found it easier to go to a destination that we can walk around vs having to rent a car and drive. The subways were pretty easy to use. We filled up a metro card that we used for both the bus and subway rides. We didn’t spend very much at all. I loved taking the subway (minus the stairs part. I know I cant get over it lol). My husband used Google maps to figure out which ones to take and where we should transfer. For the most part it was not too busy and if the car was full we waited for the next one since we had the stroller. 

People were awesome (except the ones that didn’t ask to give their seat) but that was expected haha. Almost everyone held a door open for us or asked if we needed any assistance when we were carrying the stroller. I really appreciated that. We walked. A whole lot. We walked half of Central park. We started at the museum. The museum is great but it was very busy when we went. Probably best for children a little older. The noise and stimulation was a little much for Micah so we didn’t do too many exhibits. After the museum we walked to the boating lake, Bethesda fountain and then through The Mall down to 57th. 

There we walked around and then finally around 4pm we started to make our journey back to Queens so we could get some early rest for the next day. I think personally, Central Park was the highlight of the trip for me. There are so many artist and musicians. For some reason being surrounded by so much nature and natural beauty but having the city around was so cool to me. I absolutely loved it and would love to go back in the fall when all of the tree’s are changing colors or even in the winter to see The Mall covered in snow.

I highly recommend using a carrier. We used ours each day and it made getting around so much easier. Unless Micah was asleep in the stroller, we tried to consistently carry him so he wouldn't get sick of being in the stroller. The carrier we used is LilleBaby. This is really a great carrier with back support (super important especially for those heavier babies)

 It was very comfortable to use and Micah loved it. We bought the Airflow model because its breathable and we knew we would be walking around outside with it. It also comes with a snap on hood.

On the second day we took it much easier. We got ready and headed out to midtown. We ate breakfast at Grand Central Station and then stayed around gawking at the beauty it is. 

We decided to do a little shopping in H&M (that’s where I got my super cute jean overalls on sale. Yassss). I also had to nurse Micah in the fitting room because he is SO very easily distracted now when he nurses. After that we decided to keep walking and sight seeing. Finally we decided to hop on the train and head over to Chelsea Park for a bite to eat and to explore.

Micah took his naps like a champ. All on his own. He ate, babbled, laughed, played with strangers and then on his own in his stroller he would just knock out. Then repeat. Haha. We went to the Highline which I highly recommend. Id rate that 2nd for our trip. We started around 24th street where the elevator would have been but it was just our luck that it was broken. So we muscled up and carried everything up the stairs.

We walked down to 18th on the Highline to look at the water and then like real tourist, we walked back to 24th only to realize that the Highline connects to Chelsea Market. Whoops number 2! Micah slept through it all and I had to wake him up once we were done so I could nurse him plus I thought the park was a nice place to do it. At Chelsea Market we went into every food spot like the foodies we are. I cant wait to return when im not on any kind of restricted diet!

On our last day the early AM flight we wanted to get on was full so we decided to hang around for a bit longer. We took the train and got off on the stop that took us to Gantry Plaza state park.

Then we walked towards the park and took some more photos while sight seeing. We hopped back on the train to Queens and then made our way back to LGA.

I love this photo my husband took of me nursing Micah while waiting for the train in the subway. It was hot, Micah was fussy because he was hungry, and I finally had a moment to sit and nurse him. People think its so easy to just throw a blanket over your baby (which Micah HATES) or to wait until you are somewhere private. The truth is, a hungry baby waits for no one :)

Over all we loved New York and we highly recommend it to any family that is looking to Travel to a family friendly destination. We cannot wait to go back. I hope you guys enjoyed this blog post as much as I did writing it. Hopefully you enjoyed it enough for me to continue blogging. :)

Thanks for reading!

[namjoonsheaux]

Out of everyone in my family I feel the biggest rift is between my dad and I, though I bet my mom begs to differ… it’s the result of a mass of conflicting ideologies n believes he’s too old n broken n stubborn to change and I’m too young n sensitive n aware to look past- But when I was little he was my Dad and I was a his Daughter, I feel like I was closer w him bc Sophia was younger n she was a quiet kid, I was older and had more of a brighter personality at home, I asked more questions….but I also know it’s bc we were probably more alike than I’d like to admit my dad n me I also think I repressed how close I was to my mom, she came to the us when I was 6 n I lived two yrs without her - I don't have strong memories of her from before I turned 6 (maybe a psychological coping mechanism so my childhood self could stand the distance between us) and that makes me sad but I think it would make my mom sadder so I've never mentioned it, My Dad n I would get up at 6am when we lived in surco, take a colectivo to barranco- it was only 2 soles and we would walk around go to mercados, buy corn kernel n feed the pigeons by the park or by the church ... early mornings were Ours and we would make it back before Sophia woke up. Did u know Peru had two school schedules ? Morning and afternoon - we always had the afternoon slot from 12-6 pm It's one thing to get mad at my dad when he's drunk n says hateful shit about my mom n her family n our money situation his racism his colorism and his ugly anti-immigrant opinions on politics despite us being undocumented - he's drunk we pretend he doesn't know any better and he pretends he doesn't remember us yelling and being angry at him ... but what about when he's sober n I Know he means it all ? Without remorse My mom's mad at him right now- Sophia n I fake neutrality but really we side w my mom- we mediate or at least we try our best Two saturdays ago we were leaving to go babysit- I'm about to back out of the driveway when Sophia asks me why my dad was crying- he wasn't - yes he was- we're late but I'll go check. I find him in his usual spot bc the couch is His now, he's has one beer not enough to cloud his judgement but enough to cry, I hug him and he cries and I feel 22 I feel like an adult and I feel like I'm comforting him as I hug him, I'm consoling the way I do the babies I babysit - he's sad bc he can't find a job bc he knows he's a burden but he cant change it .... I tell him he has to start w his heart , he has to cleanse his mind it's too dark too cold - but I'm decades of abuse and sadness n abandonment too late- he can't change he can't I Know and he Knows but we pretend for both our sakes bc it's the first tender n supportive moment we have had in yrs m, so I tell him I'll help him..... I had a dream my mom n my sister died- I wake up sobbing- I go to Sophia's room and I cry bc I love them so much I would cease to Be without them I Know it. My dad comes to say good morning , he wasn't in my dream - but he's been before . When I was younger I would wake up crying bc he died in my dream I would sob for him , I would go to my parents room and fall asleep in between them - the last time I was 17. I feel my dad's mortality and i feel the limited time I have w him n my mom I want Time w them I wanna Spend time w then... i ask him if he plays chess, he says he used to play a lot but is rusty. that night I look at chess sets on amazon n I find the one I want- I have to save up the $20 so we can play so we can be Together- he won't feel alone and it'll make me feel happy knowing I brightened his day by spending time how we used to.... I take my mom to work bc the 15 minute drive w my dad is unbearable bc of how hateful he is about everything how shameless n selfish he is w her takes a toll on her - I feel bad for the both of them for different reasons... my mom yells at him he says nothing bc he knows I'm listening he knows I don't stand for his insults towards her - he uses the baby voice we talk in: "wanna go get breakfast when u come back? I'll be our secret" it's a game we play were in still his Daughter and he's my Dad- he takes a risk by asking he knows that and I Know I shouldn't catch the bait but I do He's sober he's saying horrible things the look in his eyes isn't glazed - he means it all - he's not right , he's not nice he's hateful ... he's my dad ... I'm his daughter but that's that ... he can't change .... he "hurts" bc he can't find a job and not even five minutes later he suggests I find a job soon bc it's time to Support my family I have to step up ... as if I haven't given $15k of my own credit for my family ... as if I didn't double major double minor n get three certificates in 4 yrs all for them ... as if I don't plan on studying another 3 yrs for a career I'm not completely interested in - for them .... he uses my mom as an excuse - exploits and appropriates her struggle as his own - im disgusted im numb - he rambles on and on about how twisted her family is - he speaks ill of her parents who are both dead ... I'm speechless my tongue is tied - why did he bring me out for this- why did I waste calories on eating w him when I knew Better .... My amazon cart is empty - I can't play chess by myself

[saoirse-is-studying]

16.04.2017

*literally my longest post so far*

so, i have been missing for like 2 weeks , so sorry for that, but i got my reasons.

the Very Important AssignmentTM was due last week and and in the early days heading to the due date, i literally woke up at 6am just to write things down in microsoft word, then go to school at 8am till the guards kick me and my friends out (at 6pm ish). return home just to do the said assignment until 12am.

then, when the due date was approaching closer, i woke up, two or three times each night, because i was that worried. some of my teammates arent contributing enough to the assignment because 1. they dont care, or 2. they dont know what to do... so i had to do most of it.

it got so bad, i woke up at 3am, couldnt fall back to sleep, so i just went to the computer to do the group work.

it goes like this for almost 2 weeks. even on the due date itself, i woke up at 5am and submit the assignment at 11pm because some of them literally started their assignment on the due date itself when we were given like 10 weeks to do them and those ppl underestimated the amount of work (theyre so goddamn lazy, im definitely hexing them). i had to threaten those particular ppl just so they will send me their incomplete work.

it was so heartbreaking... to reread my individual work, and seeing so many mistakes. i remember our tutor said not many people got As for this subject... like only 3 out of 60 students. a lot of my seniors got B’s. looking at my mistakes, i thought to myself, “there goes my chance to even get a B”. yup, i did that bad.

even after this assignment was long done, my body took time to readjust itself to my former sleeping pattern. i kept waking up in the early morning, sometimes at 3 or 4, and forced myself back go back to sleep.

i sleep and sleep and sleep until monday, i got back to school to meet up with friends and we went to watch Beauty and the Beast, which is incredible, and I understand why some of my friends went to watch it more than once. then we ate three different desserts and just enjoyed ourselves. i am so glad for my friends or else i would have been so down.

on tuesday, i went back to school. although there are no classes, i plan 2 do some self study, but i was still sleepy and tired and demotivated and dispirited. so i let myself relax, spent time away from tumblr, away from studyblr and almost anything study-related. i watched spirited away, pinned stuff on pinterest, listened to songs (BatB soundtrack) and danced alone in my room.

some of my friends literally bounced back in 3 days after the assignment and i have zero idea of how they do it. they tried to find internships, or revise for the final examination. i felt terrible looking at them, because i was putting off a lot of things and it made me feel inadequate. because all of them are having the same problem as i have (uncooperative team members) but i seem to be the only one weak enough to be affected by it.

i constantly reminded myself that each individual is special, and we all have our ways of recuperating, and its ok if im progressing a little slower.

now, i finally have the energy to write here and to update u guys about what happened when i was away.

i dont think i can forgive the ppl who barely did anything for the group assignment, but i will learn from this, i cant simply trust anyone when it comes to a group project.

my plan now is to revise to the final exams. even if i cant get A for the assignment, i can try my best for the other subjects. as demotivated i am now, i cannot postpone anything any longer.

thank you so much for reading till the end and all the best if u have anything due.

[blogsandphotos]

So let me tell you about my “Sleep Study”…

From September 28, 2011 at 7:40 AM

So I get to the hospital at 8:50PM. Had to be there by 9 and me being me I try to be on time and for the most part am usually early.

I fill out the typical paperwork and change into a pair of shorts and a tank top to sleep in.  “Bob” comes in and starts to tell me about the electrodes he has to put on me to record my sleep.  Oh no biggie…  HAH!

Now you would think that putting these little electrodes on would be a piece of cake… no such luck!  First the guy takes measurements of your head, then takes a red marker and marks where he wants to place the electrodes.  I swear he was like a 3 year old with a marker coloring on the walls!  Umm ouch!  That’s skin!!

Then they stick the little metal ends of the electrodes in goo. Goo is the only way I can describe this! Then they place them on your body and with the palm of his hand he smashes them down, I swear he was trying to push them under my skin!!!  Then as if that’s not enough, they cover each one of them with at least 2 pieces of tape.  I had two on each leg, one at the corner of each eye, one on my forehead, one at each temple,one behind each ear and 2 on each side of my jaw.

Then I had at least 6 on my skull. Same nasty goo and tape in my hair. That’s nice… Cant tell you how bad it hurt when he was coloring with that marker on my skull!  This is just un-natural!  No one colors their skull with a marker!

Then I had a small microphone taped where my thyroid USED to be. This is to pick up snoring, talking in your sleep, etc.

They I had 2 little stickys for the heart monitor stuck on my chest and one on my side.

As if that’s not enough, they put an elastic belt around the top part of your chest, armpit to armpit. This is to measure your breathing. Really? Who the hell can breath now??

Then they place one around your waist, just as tight. What this is for??? I have no freaking idea, nor do I think I want to know!

Wait, we are not done!!  Then they place this little device across your face. The only way to describe it is, if you have ever been in the hospital and had to have oxygen, the little thing that goes in your nose, well this was pretty much the same thing except instead of plastic or rubbery ends that go in your nose to administer oxygen, these are two metal wires. Why?  Why to measure the temperature of your breathing obviously! WTF?  This is in your nose and the sides are looped over your ears and oh yea…TAPED ON YOUR FACE!

Finally they place the little finger monitor on to measure your oxygen as you sleep.  Or lack there of from the straps that are crushing your lungs!

This all took at least an hour to put into place! The man looks and me as he is doing all this and says, “The goo in your hair will come out very easy if you shower in hot water. Really?  So in the morning, Im to get in the shower when I get home and scald myself to get this crap out of my hair. Hmm sounds reasonable!  Then as he is putting the last 37 pieces of tape on my face he says, “A lot of people say, how am I supposed to sleep with all this crap on me? He says, don’t worry, you’ll sleep, our beds are very comfortable.”

I get into bed, he hooks everything up to the computer and as he is walking out of the room he says, Goodnight.

So I’m lying in bed thinking…I just drove to a hospital, at 9PM to sleep and I’ve had an hour of torture before hand. Yea this is relaxing.

So I look at the clock and its now 10:30. Way past my normal bedtime.  And I lay there…and I turn this way….and then the other way.  The tv shuts off at 11 and Im still awake.  Ive got tape ripping hair out of my head, Ive got two belts strangling me, two wires shoved into my nose and that damn thing on my finger.

Did I sleep?  Well…lets see. The tv went off at 11 and I was still awake.  I remember looking at the clock and it was 12:10AM.  Then I remember it being 1:15AM.  Must have slept cause the next time I looked it was 3:05AM.  The next time I looked it was 4:34AM and finally at 5AM the nurses come in and say in a nice pleasant voice, “Lou Ann..its morning…and im thinking to myself ”THANK GOD”!!

So I sit up and they start to remove all these items. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost some skin off my legs and face from the tape and more then a few hairs from my head!  While they are doing this one lady says, you didn’t sleep much. You tossed and turned all night. Hmm Imagine that.  Then one lady says, I like your bunny. I didnt say nothing at first, Im thinking...what bunny? Thats a strange thing to say haha.  Then it hits me and I realize she means my tattoo..which I politely respond with...oh thanks...but thats a deer.  She must be more tired then me! haha

They ask if I want to get a shower.  No thanks; I can do that at home. So she gives me a washrag so I can wash off my face. Got rid of the goo and the red marker. When I come back to my room she says to me, ….Wait for it…..wait for it…you will want to wash your hair at least 3 times with shampoo when you get home. Really? 3 times?  I’m pretty sure I don’t want my hair to look like straw…and with shampoo? Really? Compared to what? Dish soap? Toothpaste?  What would I use to wash my hair with other then shampoo?

Then she gives me, what tasted like the best cup of coffee EVER while I fill out forms to describe how well I slept. Ummm I didn’t.

Finally I am done with everything and I can leave. As I’m walking down the hall the lady says to me, “Thanks for filling out the paper work and have a great day.  Oh and if they need you to come back they will call you.”  Say what?  Come back? Are you freaking kidding me?  There is no way on Gods green earth I would do this again!

So to all you people who told me, “its not so bad” and you know who you are haha, I have one thing to say…. LIARS! Haha

Anyhow, I was home by 6AM, got my shower, melted the goo out of my hair and am now working on coffee #3 trying to wake up before my day starts.

Today would be a perfect day for a nap, however I have to drop my car off at the dealer to get a part replaced at 9AM. Then my brother wants to go to lunch. By time I get home it will be time to take Taylor to cheerleading.  Then when I get home at 7 I have to finish dinner.  Ill either be in bed by 8PM or be so tired Ill be delirious and not be able to sleep.

Hopefully my little story has made at least one of you chuckle or even smile... but what ever you do...if you have to have a sleep study...dont let anyone tell your.... "its not so bad".  BULLSHIT! haha

Oh yea..I forgot one thing....  Good ole Bob puts on the TV, sets the sleep timer and puts the remote somewhere on the back of the bed and leaves the room after shutting the door behind him.  He put on the History channel...which is fine, I love the history channel...but the show was called "TopShot".  Im sorry I dont need to watch 4 teams of men trying to prove they are better then the others by way of their shooting skills.  Really?  Cause this who experience hasnt been nightmarish enough!  Now I have to try to sit up enough to find the damn remote to change the channel!  And yes Taylor...I put on American Dad! haha