#why cant i use my brain
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im so fucking stupid.
im fucking crying, im so embaressed with myself.
FOR SOO FUCKING LONG I THOUGHT RENEE WAS RE-NEE NOT REN-AY, AND ITS NOT THE FIRST TIME I GOT OL2 NAMES WRONG
I USE TO THINK QIU WAS QUIN AND TAMARACK WAS FUCKING TAM-MARKER. FUCKING MARKER??
DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON SHILOH I THOUGH HIS NAME WAS SH-OLD-EN NOT SHY-LOH but it actually does make more sense skjsdkjcnj
chances are i probably mess up with someones name before, im so sorry if i ever messed up your name i apparently suck with names. i just found that out, and im going to die of embarrassment now :3
#dont look at me#im dying#im going to cry#crawl into a hole and die there#why am i like this#why cant i use my brain#i though renee was like a unique name#shhh#im#im so#im so stupid#please#im actually crying#im losing it#qiun??#tamMARKER??#re-nee??#sholden??#what is up with my brain#olnf#please dont point and laugh at me#ill cry#teacuprants
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i yet again do NOT understand why people think that what happened to steven in future came out of nowhere. the main show beats it into the ground how fucked up all this stuff has him! just cause he ends the main show in a good place doesnt mean that everything was solved! he solved the gem stuff but not himself, that was the whole point!
like. those people show that they didnt even pay attention to the show AND they dont understand trauma. like. shut the fuck up !!!!
#my post#su#liveblogging#how do you fucking miss the whole EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THE MAIN SHOW#no child or teenager should go through that!! no one should tbf but especially them#like ok fine. other shows do this stuff all the time and theres no consequences. but su was never the show to do that lol#i know im bringing up discourse from years ago but the thing is is that people STILL hold these opinions!#like. bro athena p on youtube has THE MOST JANK su opinions. she doesnt like pearl or future ? hello?#like ok whatever you dont have to like something but then she starts going into *why* and its like. bro stop talking no#yet again its just like people that say that cassandras betrayal came out of nowhere. NO IT DIDNT FUCK OFF#im so mad dude its so easy to understand this stuff for me#also trauma can absolutely wait to manifest or show its ugly head#he showed concerning behaviors in the main show but. aughhhh whateverrr whatever whatever whatever#its also that he was finally in a good calm place in future and when youre in a calm place your trauma brain goes THIS ISNT RIGHT#it gets so used to the stressful situations you were in that itll still think things are wrong even when nothing is#because it cant risk bringing its guard down in case stuff happens all over again#or some shit like that. fuck#and steven? babey hes been in stressful situations for a long time#ew why does this post have notes lol i thought itd get like 5 notes. im not opening the notes thing lmaoo fuck that
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It's kinda funny looking back on old screenshots and edits I made 3-5 years ago because in a way they have changed a LOT yet at the same time also not all although the fact that my old computer could barely handle having FFXIV installed is kinda evident in hindsight lol
#ive played for 11 years now but its only as of july last year that i actually have a computer i can go nuts on#with editing and good graphics etc which is probably why ive felt such a stark jump in my abilities#like its MUCH easier to edit by hand when your pc doesnt freeze up and making the screen black out anytime you draw a stroke too long LOL#its kinda funny looking back though because i still rely on things i learned way before gpose was added to the game#to the point where i often forget there are new fancy tools i can use to help the process#and thats despite having used the crimetools for way longer than i havent at this point#same with gpose..... god. that shit was added january 2017 i think. so thats 3 years of learning when to pause at the right time#and using walls to angle the camera and to try and time weather and multiple tries in case skill effects looked off etc etc#honestly since i cant do much photography these days whether that be of people or of bjds gpose is like a balm to my soul#anyway im rambling LMFAO just a lot of nostalgia when looking back. ill have to hunt down some REALLY old screens at some point#just to compare with my newer ones!!! kind of insane to think about this as a skill one can improve on#especially now that suddenly its been like a decade almost of consistently doing it and yet i never stopped to truly think about it#as anything other than a thing you just do???? idk. i have a disconnect to myself and art as a concept i guess LMAO#art is what OTHER people do in my brain. *I* just fuck around to try things out for fun#anyway....#silvi talks
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I just wanna crawl to his lap and snuggle while he runs his fingers through my hair and tells me how good I am to him. Positive reinforcement and reassurance… my anxiety fears these men istg 😭
#omi.ds#suddenly this Sylus centered blog became Rafayel focused#it’s because that damn trailer istg#seeing him all angry and mad and oh so powerful and vengeful got me feeling some type of way#I CANT HELP IT#MY BRAIN DOES IT ON ITS OWN#I HAVE TO CONTROL OVER WHAT TYPE OF MEDIA IT CONSUMES AND THEM CHANGES MY WHOLE SYSTEM#I AM LITERALLY clinging to Sylus while Rafayel pulls my legs and tries to separate us#he’s making a scene#stop him#WHY WHYYY WHYYYYYYYYYY#love and deepspace#love & deepspace#l&ds#lads rafayel#lads#love and deepspace rafayel
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Iris my love... gotta have the girly secondary fursona. For gender time. Actually think she's being demoted to fursona number 3 but idk we'll see about the pecking order when refs are all done. She was waaay overdue for a redesign oh shit I just realized I didn't put a color palette on here. Oh well ig too late for that now I am not rearranging that bg
#oh i should pop some character related tag commentary to the top of the tags thatd be neat. so uhh fun facts. i think my sibling technically#made her first design waaaaay back cause they drew her before i ever did. i dont remember which of us actually came up with her tho lol. sh#has antlers but shes always been cis in my mind so just like. dont think about it too hard ig. also while she is in part named after the#flower cause hashtag girly things (this was before i too was named after a flower. hindsight am i right) she was primarily named after the#song. by the goo goo dolls. the song thats really transgender to me. hindsight am i right. whys my cis girl fursona got all the transness#oh yeah and that earring is supposed to look like an iris. they are not easy flowers to draw tho good lird#she used to be a whitetail/fennec cause i love my local deer but mule deers big ol ears have swayed me. i love a big deer ear#she also used to have paws and a nub tail but i realized i was missing the best part of fox. big fluffy tail. and then the paws made her#look too fox yknow. wanted her to really look like a hybrid instead of just 'fennec with antlers' lol. anyway now for less relevant tag tal#guys i fear i am fursuit brained rn i keep looking at her and thinking about how fun she'd be to make a suit of. im too broke for thissssss#im already working on a suitttt i cant start another one on the side i dont even know where to get foam.... cause joann fabrics is gone...#actually wait i gotta figure that out like. real soon. i need foam still for the head im working on. shoot. uh. guys where do i get foam#i fear finishing lichens tail and starting zoras head has made me realize fursuit making may be my passion. but i do not have the finances#for this. tbh might see if i can just work my ass off for a month in like idk june just to get it over with for a bit and have money. but i#know that will not be a good idea it kills me to work more than like 5 hour shifts for more than threeish days in a row#i should really just actually make a commission sheet and take comms. that would be ideal#anyway i will now shut up :) and also schedule this for a few hours from typing cause i just posted a different ref#zoracontent#zora arts#clovers characters#iris#furry#sfw furry#fursona
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brain rot so bad i was in class today when a schoolmate was wearin red sunnies and my prof went 'you look like something straight out of a marvel comic' HIS NAME IS SCOTT SUMMERS PUT RESPECT ON HIS NAME
#xmen#snap chats#im gonna make myself SICK#funny enough I Too own a pair of red-lensed sunnies. i got em years ago but kinda forgot about em#then i realized i squint a lot cause it always so damn SUNNY so i have decided to use them#anyways my life's over i cant be normal about the most Whatever of references to xmen now#Not X-Men but the other day a friend of mine was helping me move my stuff and she tried grabbing my bag#and Apparently it was heavy as christ cause she was like 'who the hell are you captain america why is this so heavy'#like PLEASE. the avengers brain rot was during my teenage years alright it can wake up sometimes I Guess vlevjalkjlkj#funny enough 2x tho i did really like cap as a kid ... i got into discus cause i thought him throwing his shield was cool 😔#ok thats enough personal rambling im finishing this doodle bye bye
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Everytime I look at Tumblr and see the tl I remember why I hate endgame with a passion you couldn't understand.
They fucked up Steve and Bucky so bad (yes, Bucky too bc suddenly he doesn't matter/isn't even a secondary character that deserves to be near Steve)
It's so funny to me (not) bc they talked about gay characters being in the movie at panels and interviews and even talked about Stucky at some point (basically queerbaiting) for then... Steve not even acknowledging Bucky. An awkward and impersonal hug doesn't cut it.
And Steve suddenly yearning and talking about Peggy? When he didn't even mourned her that bad and already had let her go ages ago? They knew they fucked up in CATWS with Steve and Buckys relationship, so they tried to distance them and then inserted Peggy bc ofc
(they possibly didn't have the time for a new character and they already had fucked up pairing Nat and Bruce and Wanda and Vision). Steve didn't have anyone else he cared about so they couldn't give him a new girlfriend. So they used Peggy AGAIN.
I'm not mad bc "Stucky not canon grr"
No.
I'm fucking pissed off because they did the worst character assassination and friendship assassination possible. Every movie of Cap America revolved around Steve saving Bucky at some point and him caring about him above all else, and you want me to believe that Steven Grant Rogers didn't care about him when Bucky died in front of his eyes? AGAIN? That Peggy's death was more important and impactful for him? If that was the case then why the fuck did he crash the plane then? If he cared so much about Peggy since forever?
No, that was just lazy writing and a way to reinforce Steve's sexuality "He can't be gay and you can't say that bc he LOVES PEGGY"(even tho he only kissed her once, even tho he crashed the plane and didn’t give her the coordinates, he didn't really care that much after all) they could have paired him with Nat in later movies, but they didn't.
That's why I only raise my eyebrows a lil when people say that x character will be gay canonically in a marvel movie/series. Is more than possible they won't. And if they are they're Deadpool, a secondary character no one cares about (obscure in lore too, so they can cut them off) or is plain queerbaiting again (because yes, even if you don’t see Steve and Bucky’s relationship as romantic, they DID QUEERBAIT IT)
Steve and Buckys relationship wasn't even written in a romantic way (you can ship them or not), but they tried so hard to rectify Steve's heterosexuality in endgame, that they fucked up their character arcs on purpose. And now they will always feel hollow and inconclusive. A bad taste in the mouth, a painful reminder of what it was and a what? 11 year long? characterization.
Idk man, I know I've talked about this more than three times, but omfg Tumblr reminds me why I hate that fucking movie!!! It's not my fault!!!
I know I'm going to end up writing something out of spite bc I can't take it shdkdjjcif
"It's been more than 4 years get over it" NEVER
Also the bit with Johnny Storm in Deadpool and Wolverine was also a dig (a fuck you if you will) to the fans bc Deadpool explicitly calls him Cap. And it implies that Steve as a character (not that old Steve nonsense) won't be back.
It's funny they've remade over and over again some movies (Fantastic 4, Spiderman) changed actors for characters (James/war machine, Bruce) and they include them in the multiverse/plot, but they won't do the same to some movies and some characters when they fuck up their stories, because they know if they do, they will have to acknowledge WHY they did it. Like with James/war machine changing actors.
So yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't care about Marvel anymore.
**I mean remake the movies ((Also they Can't remake Cap America bc that would mean they need to remake every important movie. And they don't have the time, the money nor the need. So that's why they decided to fuck their character arcs))
or include some characters in multiverse (they're going to do that with Tony/RDJ/Dr Doom after all, no?) and they also won't remake Cap bc the movies are amazing.
But the point stands. Steve couldn't be in DaW bc that would imply he's an alternative one or that Old!Steve was an alternative one or wasn't even Steve to begin with. But they couldn't do that ofc, no, bc that would give the fans hope in seeing Steve and Bucky together once again. So they did a dig at the fans bc "haha you thought it was Steve, but it's Johnny!"
Idk if I'm making sense at this point I'm tired af, need to sleep.
The thing is that they fucked up Steve Rogers's arc on purpose (Bucky's too, and others charas too tbh) and now they expect the fans to accept everything they give us with open arms. And imho I won't accept shit.
"Deadpool saved the MCU" how? If the other og characters are DEAD or they fucked them up too? Or are the butt of the joke now? Don't make me laugh. Most people don't gaf bout the new charas bc they only are presented in series not everyone watches (only available in one place) or are presented with characters that are dead now or as a replacement for the og characters. They aren't interesting on their own (not really, at least in mcu) and that's why most of the new stuff isn't liked as much. If they wanted to present more characters the opportunity passed already.
Also now if you want to watch and really understand 1 movie (if you don't read the comics too) you need to watch like 20 other movies and 5 shows. it's fucking exhausting.
#oh boy here we go again#im once again SCREAMING INTO THE VOID#anti endgame#anti marvel#i wrote this on twt originally#im really pissed off still#and so so tired#steve rogers#I don’t count X men bc the fucking timeline is more complicated than my brain can process rn#also weren’t they dead too?#idk I can’t remember atm#and I haven’t watched the movies in ages#the thing is I feel cheated bc they fucked up Steve and Buckys relationship specifically#and I can’t accept that and I really cant see Sam and Bucky suddenly being buddy buddy with each other either so TFAWS is a NO for me#also a notp noe bc people LOVE to hate on Steve and shit on him while they write stuff#also why I don’t believe anything Marvel says about having gay characters#if they really cared about representation or shit they would have assumed Steve was gay or at least bisexual or Buckysexual#but they queerbaited the shit out of the promos to give us that big fuck you in the end#and THEY KNEW they fucked up with CATWS because they went from theyre best friends to theyre kinda codependent in like an unhealthy amount#I mean assume in the other tag in a shit we fucked up ok well he’s this now kinda way#if you think about it Steve and Bucky are the almostonly characters that could be canonically gay or bi in the MCU (deadpool doesn’t count)#because they don’t have significant relationships with other people and even less with women#maybe Natasha? but they paired her with Bruce… when he has a relationship with Betty#THEY SHOT THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT AND BLAMED US#basically they got mad at us and broke their own toy bc they had a tantrum#so fuck you russo brothers#fuck you mcu#To the Tony isn’t straight crowd… they paired him with women only in MCU if I remember correctly#and yes I cant see Sam and Bucky as a couple#not sorry and if you ship them great! But i wont interact and not going to follow you bc i really can’t tolerate thst ship
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Day 335 | id in alt
Being desperate to end the fight might make you even worse off in the long run, Shoko.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#shoko ieri#ieri shoko#utahime iori#Kugisaki opening her eye not even fully like all the way knowing her shit yet and immediately getting shot with 1 Ml of Adrenaline#Shoko actually regretting her actions for once#Kugisaki probably going through the most insane shit right now she probably cant feel any of her limbs at the moment#dont shoot adrenaline into a fresh out the coma child Shoko#The funniest part is. Shoko didn't train to actually do this medical shit she foes autopsy's bro she dosent know how much the body can#the body can take#Shoko does not know she probably gave Kugisaki more brain damage#Shes just sitting there with a fucked up girl using her technique#Because they BOTH dont know whats going on#utahime is tweaking the fuck out but shes gonna be okay(she'll be thinking about it for years)#Kugisaki was in a state of genuine disability where she had to be cared for by others that didn't know what they were doing#Shoko STILL dosent know. Its not her fault shes used to dealing with corpses#shoko becoming a presudo caretaker of Kugisaki because she feels guilty about this massive fuck up#Shoko probably thought she was just like the higher ups in that moment and had to stare at a wall#Kugisaki wigging out and shes half fucked in a state of limbo because DAMN that idle transfiguration made her believe she DIED#Anything to win the fight against the king of curses y'know#Nobody really knows about what happened except Shoko. Utahime and Kugisaki herself so. And you know theyre not gonna say anything#youd have better chances talking to a rock#why did i make this? my brain spiraled
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#talkys#i kinda sometimes like my art now but i feel its missing something that can only be found in my#older work and i cant get it back and i dont know why#i used to draw all sorts of stuff then too...but idk how id get my brain to do that again#its all so stiff i like the graphic look but i want Motion i need to crack this#im too scared to even let loose in my sketchbook about it. its so daunting now#as if I've already had my time to be Bad at art and i should have had it figured out already.#which is True
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I just got the randomest talk with a coworker I haven't known before:
Coworker, being bored: So... Would you ever like to go to Peru?
Me: Huh, why not? I've got a friend there.
Coworker: Really? In Peru? That's so far! How did you two meet?
Me: Oh, in fandom.
Coworker: What fandom?
Me, smiling shyly, knowing that the guy will laugh at me: Lego Monkie Kid fandom
Coworker: What's that?
Me: It's a funny cartoon with nice animation. It's about a kid being Wukong's successor and stuff. I really like it
Coworker: *grabs a pen and a piece of paper and writes down with capital letters LEGO MONKIE KID* nice, I'm gonna watch it right after Arcane
#my brain exploded#no one ever before reacted so chill and casual on me talking about cartoon at work#i didnt expect a random adult man being like “lego monkie kid? oh nice#lego monkie kid#monkie kid#lmk#im still shocked#cant believe it wasnt a dream#i told him that the plot is not as entertaining as it was and the animation changed so its not as good as its used to be#and that its really a silly goofy cartoon for kids but he was very certain about watching it#idk why i tried to sabotage my fav cartoon i guess i just couldn't believe that he wanted to watch it#im just like wow
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oh yea.. its all coming together
#now i just have to code the stupid thing#idk why my brain is procrastinating thatpart bc once i get started its pretty smooth from there. i just Dont Wanna#i mean i guess i could make the graphics before actually coding it but i should probably do the code first#i need extra time to make sure everything is laid out the way i want it before i start decorating ugh#i know theres a way to like hide and show an element without redirecting to another page so it doesnt have to reload all the time#but i cant remember how to do it..... i wanna use that for my journal entries so i dont have to manually update the entries section#each time i post a new journal entry. either that or i can have smth that lets me change the content without opening the html#all pages should link back to the homepage cuz i wanna keep the nav in one place..#cursor should have a neutral and hover sprite which should be easy.. and i was thinking of using dither me this for images#to give it an old win98 effect + the vhs overlay#yapping#diary#wip#oh shit and i need to make smth to redirect to the oc hub
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guys how do you explain to your friends who have suffered for months hearing u yap about one specific character that youre losing intrest in said character
#I ALWAYS FEEL SO BAD WHEN I START LOSING HYPERFIXATIONS😭🙏#hehe guys im havinh a conundrum#my brain worms have decided werehog and stupid vampire man from old book are silly#i never thought at any era in mh life id be into twilight#god please helo me#edward cullen WHEN I GET YOU#you too sonic youre not out of this either#mf werehog bro#PLEASE HELO ME MY POOR PINTREST MOOTS WHO FOLLOWED ME FOR TTS😭🙏#sorry fam my brain had other plans!!!#ngl this is probably one of those hyperfixations i get for like 2 months because of the dopamine kick i get#and then i go back to beinh chronic over my previous fixation😭🙏#so if u guys start seeing me beinh less active/postinh about other things not related to tts just know thats why#also hunger games#i think my brain is making me read#like i have bad data at my house so i cant use ao3 so i moved over to physical books#and ive never read twilight before bcuz i thought it wasnt for me#thats always how i am oh my god#but like my teacher told me to read it#and my mom has all the hunger games books and i havent read anythinh from that series either(but i have watched the movies)#so like#im having a book lover mentally ill teen girl moment#hey atleast bbg pintrest has my back❤️#pintrest is my og#yall dont fw pintrest like i do
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hi hello heres jonny in a pirate hat peace and love
#jonny d'ville#pirate au#except they're already pirates#so different kind of pirate au#the mechanisms#the mechs#idk why she has bangs it just fits The Vibe#she seems the type to give herself ramdom haircuts no mirror no hair scissors only the ones she stole from the kitchen drawer and a dream#jonny in my brain is some type of bigender/gender fluid something but i cant stop she/hering her#just know that every time i draw jonny she could be using any pronouns but is currently she/her#my art
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I'm overanalysing spies again and tell me why Owen Carvour is using his gun in his left hand in a1p1, his left hand during the casino flashback, his left hand during the staircase scene, but during the Torture Tango flashback, the Owen hallucination is holding the gun in his RIGHT hand, like DMA does




Owen does have the gun in his right hand during the choreography in a1p1, which explains why it's echoed in hallucination Owen because Tatiana is standing in the same position Owen used to be in, but still it took me out for a minute. Its just a ridiculous attention to detail to transition from that to hallucination Owen being in position to shoot Curt
It raises the question because if that's Curt's hallucination then it can't make decisions on movement, that's Curt's imagination not a person, implying that maybe on some subconscious level Curt did recognize Owen as he was being tortured, and either he couldn't let himself accept it or he thought that was a hallucination too? Like he recognized Owen but he's spent so much time seeing Owen everywhere he looks that he just assumes he is wrong about it
Or maybe it just looked cool I don't know
#this is a rhetorical question#i know why Im just cursing tcb for existing#and myself for watching this show#and for being born i dunno i cant take this shit anymore#spies are forever#goddamnit tcb#tin can bros#why did you do this to my brain#curtwen#i dont even know whatever other tags we use shut up dont talk to me
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wanted to put a side by side comparison of this part of lee and nina's special intro cause it's interesting noting lee's different expressions depending on the side that you catch it on.
there's a split second where his face in the first one is furious. it feels like this is the first time we see lee show such emotion in a while, the closest being his intro with kazuya. it makes me wonder if this interaction is a charade and he's hiding what he truly thinks of her.
...or maybe it's just a simple case of her getting on his nerves by implying the impossibility of him beating her. he is still a mishima through and through and putting his strength into question is something that might hit close to home, especially with the upbringing he had.
it's also funny to contrasts this with nina's intro with eddy, where she's the actively teasing one. she really is still sore that lee got the upper hand on her in t7 haha. i guess he did put a blemish in her track record as a corporate head second in command, and she's never going to forgive that.
#tekken#nina williams#lee chaolan#please please tekken give us anna vs lee and anna vs steve along the inevitable anna vs nina intros please I beg#dunno why my posts keep involving nina ig shes on the brain haha#excuse the crappy gifs i cant bother to make them better#i put the source of the second one in the post's content source and the first is from Hi! Buff Gigas Please?'s youtube channel
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hey for no reason. if Raven was a car,, what type and colour of car do you think she would be…?
I had to delete a whole paragraph cuz in the midst of my delusions I thought you were asking what kind of car she would be (my answer was Aston Martin DB5 - dont judge I really love that car since I was a kid okay and I think she'll look cool as hell as one - and Porsche 914/6 shade 1110)
The simplest answers are black, silver and dark blue
I love really shiny coatings BUT personally I think for Raven her coating might lean more towards matte finish (look up satin black cellulose paint)
There are wayyyyy too many silver shade out there but lemme tell ya nothing beats a good ol bright silver metallic paint, I don't think the ones that are leaning towards pearl shades would suit her (slightly yellowish - look up Malaysia's Civic and BR-V in Platinum White Pearl Colour)
This one is oddly specific (and can you imagine I know this brand bcuz years ago Jeffrey Star's car paint job used one of these brands) but like cyborg blue or blue demon looks so hot (yay sparkles!!)
If we wanna talk about sparkles and fancy schmancy (but less durability) stuff it'd be vinyl wrap....like the gradients one ooooooo I think Raven would look so good with purple to blue matte kind OR OR the black to blue on the hood...
#anon u activated my monkey brain#its like a niche topic im too excited for esp considering idk anything about cars#i just like them based on vibes and builds (and by builds i dont mean horse engines and shit i mean by how the car look)#sometimes i go into the rabbit hole of like car vinyl/metallic flake instalment videos...bcuz its so satisfying#the issue with vinyl wrap is half the ones you see looks really cool on photo but kinda embarassing irl#idk why HAHA maybe cuz it's very...whats the word? like i guess cuz i only ever see those really extravagant bright colors ones on +#cars own by rich spoiled kids - so i associate negativity to it - but i gotto respect the ones who install them those look difficult#i think really tho Raven is either a black/silver (the lowkey vibes) or sparkly gradient (the confident vibes)#im a big fan of porsche bugatti and jaguar cars#all of which will remain as a daydream bcuz even if i sell off my house and use my student loans i cant buy the ones that I like#which are classic ones#god Jaguar supercar 1970 IS SO HOT imma- *faint*#I have a thing for round rimmed head lights#frankly this car hobby thing is bcuz of my dad cuz he used to have so many antique cars MAGAZINE (not cars cuz we broke here) around#and baby gomz loved reading them#still do#idk i can afford renting cool cars so I could do that in the future LMAO#you can watch me project this into NikRaven or PriceRaven sugar au#ask response#gomz niche rambles#which is surprisingly. cars.#[oc]Raven#cod oc#my oc
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