#why cant i rememeber his last name

[catella-ars]

Did a little species swap on some of our DnD babes.

[visionthefox]

I want to read your long theory about Eclipse :3

-🍍-

well, I'll make it quick, since Im sleepy and I been forgetting over time

(note-this is not quick not short sooooo)

in resume, I believe he stared as a one side villain to have pop put every now an then for the show to spice things up, eventually ppl love Eclipse so much, I mean, the dude acted all joker-Jeff - being edgy and all

and I believe the moment he turned into anime villain may be when he and Sun chatted, just take notice how simple his way of thinkin is, yet he acts all evil and cool.. that's when he had a change in personality, for the show

now.. in lore, I think he stared as a angry copy of Moon, idk why he and Moon are separated, but my idea is that , after a first try of trying to Kill Sun or forcing Sun's AI to crash, Moon made a failed copy of himself, keep in mind, in the early days Moon was a bit smart, BUT! not a genious Rick-wanna-be

so when he fails, he made a copy, but is a line of codes he ignores- like he said- he left "a part of him" and I dont believe he and Eclipse actual meet in Sun's head, no, I think Moon only talked on himself most of the time.. and that is what Eclipse remembers- and is pretty Much Moon2.0 -he is bound to follow Moon, then Moon left him, of course, Eclipse's AI is confused, why is Moon0.1 out? and why not himself?

Eclipse is now trapped in a moving vassel , with the negative ideas of Sun, he watches as Moon gets a change to Kill but doesnt, this angers Eclipse, who didnt even had a name for himself yet, and when he finally gets the energy to overpower Sun AI, he starts to look for Moon's aproval, or at least feel superior to him, and what he gets? nothing, Moon pretty much looks down on him.. and even if Eclipse acted like he didnt care.. he totally did..

also, just.. when looking at early Eclipse, you can see he is like Sun, hell not only on the voice but the sassyness Sun then showed to have.. Eclipse got feed all the negative side of Sun so he ends up like "the worse of the two"

now, the more Moon and him fight, the more angry Eclipse gets, as he is following the orders he was given, but with the twisted idea that he is right! after all! humans are cruel! we dont know better! he can make it right because he has the childish idea of Sun of a "better place" and the desire to dominate of Moon..

then we get to october, the reason why Eclipse is both mean to Lunar but also clearly want him close is not because he views Lunar as a tool. but because he wants what Moon has, he saw the two brothers lift each other, he wants that, but of couse, he doesnt get it, the love, the care, he thinks that's what made Sun weak, so instead he takes a more violent aproach, as that what he knows better..

of course, there is still a side of him, that left over part of Moon that cares, Eclipse show it. rememeber, what is Moon love lenguaje. gifts and time- what Eclipse do? gives Lunar control over the daycare at day, and a computer to play, and then, plays games, he totally didnt had to but no only the show needs two hots, but in lore, makes sense-

then again.. Eclipse doesnt know how to be good , so of course he hurts Lunar, Moon did that and Sun never left his side! so why Lunar would? also, BloodMoon, he is clearly afraid of him, so he also wants to control Lunar so he doesnt "act up" , because he cant stand another fail

when Lunar back stab him, that clearly hurted him, and left him desperate of revenge.. see how everything made sense?

is after he is trapped in the computer that things suddently are odd,, he sounds tired.. and kinda makes sense- he got beat up, he got locked down again.. he is no longer in control.. for me, Eclipse right there , had to step out, or give one last battle -but not like he did, no, he had to leave Lunar like last, for me, he had to go for Moon. the real reason he made everything, go for him.. then seeying Moon is gathering more power, try and use Lunar to hurt -again - Moon..

but the show right here lacked sense.. and for what I know, Eclipse is slowly dying from the star , because why not, and he just now getting to be dumb villain again.. this is not what I would do with him

I would make him be beat up one last time before he finally see is just running in circles, he keeping being Moon's shadow.. for me he had to step out- walk away not only in defeat -but with a change of views, maybe finally feeling like he needs to know who he even is.. after all, he follows Moon's steps, he follows a code on his head.. no though of him is original.. he is complex, he is a ruined AI forced to play a bad guy by everyone around ,he should see he doesnt have to keep playing along everyone's view of him..

but idk, I dont know what I would do for him, I know the show needs a bad guy- for me, BloodMoon had to stay and be just that.. but alas..

this was my TEDtalk about why Eclipse is complex and desrved a better arc - thanks for reading!

[stardancerluv]

At War

Part 6b: Roman is worried, he rememebers better times.

Warning: off scene reader got sick (does not go into detail)

Note: Flashback in italics. Makes reference to An Attempt and Roman’s Lady is his Luck (since this story line comes after these two along with Creative Fervor and A Dark and Stormy Night, it’s prequel.)

Looking at Zsasz he grimaced. “Grab my mask. Keep it at the docks. I will be there later. Call the doctor, tell him I need him in the penthouse.” His heart was still racing. “Text me if you need the doctor to keep Gillis alive. I’m not finished with her.“

Zsasz nodded. “Sure thing boss.”

Bending down, he easily scooped you up. You were utterly limp in his arms.

“Fucking wake up.” He screamed once the two of you were alone in the elevator. “Don’t you want to squirm or wiggle.” His chest felt hollow. “Say my fucking name again.”

The ding announcing the elevator arrived at the penthouse echoed in the silence.

Walking over to the sofa, he out you down. Grabbing one of the extra pillows he put it under your head. Feeling like he he was being strangled he overturned and pushed away the coffee table beside him. It did little to help, so he tore off his jacket and holsters which fell with a clank onto the floor.

Breathing hard he sat on the edge of the sofa. Looking you over nothing much had changed, you were still incredibly pale and your lips pink hue were growing paler. He took one of your clammy hands into his; he closed his eyes.

******

The heat was stifling in Gotham. Negotiations, and meetings were piling up for the both of you. For him the more allies the better, for you more clients the better. Though with the heat stifling it felt like neither of you saw an end in sight. You both desperately needed some kind of break to just get away from everything. The two of you had not been away since Vegas.

Sneaking away for a long weekend was the best thing you and him could have done. As he floated around on his inner tube, he wondered where you had wondered off too. You had said you were getting a cocktail, but that was taking way too long. He eyed your abandoned inner tube which still floated beside him.

Closing his eyes he tilted his head back and exhaling he let himself relax further, you’d be back. He inhaled as he felt very soft lips press against his throat, a very welcome change from the sun’s warm rays. A soft deep sound came from him.

“Guess who?” Your voice was soft as you whispered in his ear.

Turning his head in the direction of your whisper, he smiled. “Hi baby.” You smiled back at him. He loved seeing, how the sun had kissed you since you two had been out of Gotham. He breathed in the wonderful scent of you mixing with the suntan lotion he had helped to rub into your body. That would be his new favorite smell, it would always remind him of summer. He looked at you over the rim of his sunglasses. “Give me a kiss.”

Kiss him you did, easily he deepened it as he felt your fingers in his hair.

******

“Roman, Roman?” Your shaky voice sliced away the memory from the past you two shared.

He opened his eyes, your fingers moved in his grasp. “I’m here.” He moved closer. Your eyes were watery and unfocused, they didn’t meet his.

The bell announcing the elevator made him look away. Cool relief began to wash over him as he saw the doctor. “We’re over here.” He called out. “It will be ok baby the doctor is here.” He said and pressed a kiss to the back of your hand.

The older man came over, his eyebrow was raised when his eyes settled on the over turned table but didn’t say anything when

“Are you alright Roman?”

He nodded. “It’s her they did something. She acts like someone knocked her out and just now her eyes are very unfocused and her breathing is labored.”

“I see. Go and get her a glass of water.” He said calmly.

“Warm or cool?”

“Cool is fine.” He squeezed your hand and made his way to the kitchen.

When he came back there was a mess. You had gotten sick, he swallowed hard when he saw it but seeing you clear headed and even looking over when he came back with the glass made it not matter.

“Roman...I’m sorry.” You began and he held up a hand.

“No apologies drink this.” He looked over at the doctor.

“Yes drink that young lady and we will get you another. You need fluids.”

His voice was warm and gentle, not demeaning but very father like. Perhaps, it came as part of the man’s profession or his demeanor; but it had always soothed Roman. It had a way of calming him regardless of what ailed him. It could be a gunshot, knife would or even the headaches that had consistently plagued him before you came along. And this was the only man, whoever came close to feeling like a father to him.

“So what was wrong with her and why...” He glanced over his shoulder to make sure you were still sitting up and drinking the water. “...and why does she seem ok now?” Once in the kitchen he grabbed another glass and began to fill it.

“Chloroform.”

“Fuck!” He shook his head. “Seriously?” He looked over at the man.

He nodded. “Yeah, she is horribly allergic. But she should be ok now.” He met his eyes. “Roman, I saw her when you got shot a few months back. You really care about her don’t you?”

Roman returned the look but looked away and cut the water. “Yeah. Yeah doc, I do.”

A small smile crossed the older man’s face, it was the most he ever did. “Have you told her?”

“No.” He looked at him, he shrugged. “She knows.”

The man exhaled and rolled his eyes, not even did he let Zsasz do that. “Tell her. You could have lost her tonight.” He urged him in a low tone as they began walking back to the sofa.

He stopped, swallowing and looked over where you. You looked over then and gave him a weak, tired smile. He returned it. “It looked bad.”

“Yeah, they gave her a heavy dose. Next time, might be worse.”

“Fuck.” He muttered. “Alright. Anything I should do?”

The man actually smiled a little broader. “Just take care of her. Make sure she gets some rest. She might suffer from some depression, this quote the depressant and she should be completely fine in a few days.”

“I guess I can do that.”

“Nothing is impossible when you care, and you do.”

He clapped him on the back. He looked down at you. Once they were behind you. “Now you take it easy. Get some rest.”

You nodded. “Ok.” You whispered.

“Here baby.” He handed you the second glass of water be filled.

“Thank you.” Your hands shook a little as you held the glass with both hands.

“You will be worlds better in no time, like I told you.” He turned to him. “Walk me to the elevator, Roman.”

“Sure.” He looked at you. “I will be right back.”

“So who am I looking at, at the docks.” He crossed his arms in front of him.

“The woman who started all of this. The woman, who almost killed Y/N last night.”

He grimaced, pressing his lips together. “Alright. I will make sure I treat the wounds made sure death can’t whisk her away but after that, don’t tell me more.”

“Alright. And I will keep you updated about.”

He nodded. “Good.” He then went into the elevator.

To Zsasz: Doc, on the way. Will be at docks in at two hours or so.

From Zsasz: Sounds good.

To Zsasz: Y/N, is ok.

From Zsasz: Good.

He tucked away his phone, side stepping the vomit, he went and sat beside you on the sofa. Your arms were around him and he barely breathed before wrapping his own back around you. A single tear slid free from his eyes.

@spn-obsessed-dean @vintagemichelle91 @xxxeatyourh3artoutxxx @ewanfuckingmcgregor @zodiyack @angel98624 @frenchgirlinlondon @nebulastarr @emyliabernstein @thepeachreads @itsknife2meetu @omghappilyuniquebouquetlove @nomnomnomnamja @poe-kadot26 @top-rumbelle-fan @babydoll97 @hazel-nuss @vcat55 @feelthemadnessinside @rosionis @queenofgotham800 @brookisbi @peachthatdrinkslemonade @johallzy @foreverhockeytrash @frostypenguinoz @starwarsslytherin @proffesionalclown @chogisss @shantellorraine @xxinvisiblexx @pooshnulooshnu @speedypartyducksuitcase @blondekel77 @saphic-susperia @drarrylov3r @i-cant-hear-you16 @deadlymistress24 @yesqueenofthelight

[geneclarksboobs]

The Great Peter Infodump of March 2020

yo @brackets-and-woolly-hats @mijaco-geo and @mike-nesmith-for-mayor I have recently been informed that yall would really like me to infodump about Peter and I want to thank yall because I think if I held it in any longer I would explode

Also thanks to the coolcherrycream articles and various interviews that I learnt all these from in the 5-ish months I’ve been thinking about the monkees for

But before I start going hnngggg Peter I would like to warn you that despite my tone this is going to contain some heavy stuff. We’re talking brief mentions of blood, and suicide and death so be careful about that

This is gonna get hella long so *cracks knuckles* let’s begin

Childhood

let’s start from the very beginning: a very good place to start

Friday, 13th February one bb was born and he would always say that Friday the 13th was a lucky day for years onwards

He was born with a lot of diversity in his parentage

He’s Irish and German-Jewish on his mother’s side and Norwegian on his dad’s side

Speaking of Jewishness (is that a word???) I rememeber an article saying that he used to randomly say Hebrew words in interviews and I think he taught Mike how to say something too?? I dont know

Peter was a very friendly boy even when he was just a toddler cus he would drag any new friend he had home

Anyway, he was born in Washington DC

Once on Christmas he went missing and his mum and grams panicked and looked all over the house for him

Turns out he was just waiting at lampost in the snow because he wanted to make sure that Santa would bring him a present

Speaking of Grams, when he was 3 (i think im doing this from memory) he was at a post office with his mother when she came in.

He got uber excited and shouted “THAT’S MY GRAMS. HER NAME IS CAIT!”

And so everyone turned to look at her and he squealed

He would also often ride on the top part double deck buses and whenever the bus slowed down, he would wave to nearby people and say “HI MY NAME’S PETER WHAT’S YOUR?” to which those people who wave back and sometimes answer him. I mean, wouldn’t you?

Also he started to play with pianos when he was 3 and also he liked dancing so that���s cute

One of his first memories was of being at the hospital where his brother Nick (who they called Nicky and that’s what I’m going to call him) was born

Soon after Nicky was born they moved to Germany Yeet. He was 4 and the time and Nicky was like 18 months or smth

Germany

Right so I dont know why people dont talk about this part of his childhood because like,,,it’s interesting??

In Germany they had two maids

They had to put sugar in every food so that Peter and Nicky would actually eat the strange German food

He became very fluent in German and would help his mother with translations

He was also fluent in French for some reason

Someone made a statue of his 4 year old head and it became a famous minor art piece that featured in calendars

It probably now sits in his house because I saw in in the background of the short documentary that his son, Ivan Ivanoli made about him which you sould check btw

Anyway, when Peter was 5 he made his first official best friend Ule who was two years older than him

Once when he was playing hide and seek with Nicky he ran at full force at a closed glass door that he thought was open, shattering it, and getting a shard into his arm. Reasonably he screamed

Apparently, he was hurt a major artery and would have bled to death if not for someone being in the house to call a doctor

Once he was out and about wandering around, as you would do if you were Peter when he was stopped by some official looking guy from going back into his own house.

It’s important to note that Peter looked very much like a German boy and would ONLY talk in German outside. God knows why he did this.  Reasonably, the dude thought he was lying and he had to call for his mum

Anyway, in Germany school starts when you’re five but his birthday was in the middle of the school year so his parents sent him in early which set him up for some outcasted child syndrome later

And then the moved back to America yeet

AMERICA (LAND OF CAPITALISM)

So he moved back into America but it didn’t stop there. No. They had to move around like a 100 different times and as someone who went to a total of 4 different schools (so far oh no) that sets you up with outcasted child syndrome. What also sets you up with outcasted child syndrome is if you’re an undiagnosed neurodivergent which Peter seemed to think he was when he was in his 50s (either ADHD or autism) so uhh keep that in mind

So he was in school and as mentioned earlier he was a year younger than his peers so that’s fun

He was very very clever. Often he would finish his work first and his (4th grade) teacher would make do some reading or creative writing. She encouraged him to do creative writing because she saw some talent in there

Not only was he acadmically gifted, but he was also musically gifted. Playing not only the piano (which he got lessons for) but also the guitar, the banjo, the bass, and the french horn which he got an award for when he was in highschool playing in a band made out of college students for some reason

Speaking of awards, he was once given an award for maths

This giftedness would later set him up for Gifted Child Burnout he had in college

Also he changed schools like a total of 13 times so that’s fun

He went to a private school but apparentl, according to his parents, he hated it (but he remembered liking it???)

Also, he made a lot of jokes in class

Remember Nicky? Yeah, Nicky would often write songs for him to sing and stuff (Nicky would later write songs for Peter’s solo album and a bunch of other stuff what a great brother we stan)

The family had some kind of barn once where he would do puppet shows his siblings

Anyway, school life was all fine and dandy until 5th grade hit and he changed schools and everyone lost interest in him because he was one year younger

Also his dad was apparently very disconnected with him. Needless to say, Peter felt like his father didn’t like him

Once when he was 9, he told his father that he noticed that when the clouds were around at night, it would be warmer during the day to which his father shouted at him saying that “he has no proof of that” and that he shouldn’t say anything without proof

This of course led him to feel like no one wanted to listen to what he wanted to say

poor baby

I think his father would have been the reason why Peter would later say in an interview that he hated “loud abusiveness” the most

He would also later say that a combination of his dad and feeling like he was weird and different would lead him to his drinking problem

So umm we dont stan his dad ok

Once when he was 13 he picked up a loaded shotgun and put it against his head. But he decided that he didn’t want to do it at the last second.

Overall, life from 5th grade till highschool was terrible for him

He didn’t have any friends in his school

So when he moved to a new school in Conneticut where he was surrounded with people of the same age, he was really happy all the way until college where he flunked out twice

Hippie Time (Honestly this part is just me talking about him and Stephen Stills because Steter Stirk changed me)

And so Peter became a hippie in Greenwich Village

In the Village, he became a sort of entertainer. Not just singing and playing, he was also a comedian. 

And then he kept hearing about this dude who looked like him from other people.

This dude turned out to be Stephen who was also hearing the same kind of talk for about the same amount of time

Pete and Stephen VIBED im not kidding they started to play with each other and also Stephen’s room mate who was also there

Also it turns out that they liked to talk about the same things so that’s neat

Peter went to Venuzuela apparently and when he came back the Monkee thing happened yeet

Once when Stephen was waiting to move into his new house Peter was all like “hey dude live with me”

For a while they also lived in the same house when he was Monkee and if that doesn’t fuel any ship fics I dont know what will

Im serious the ship is here and its real I saw fics and fanart

Dont ask about Stirk

They played with the colour tv and would “pick apart each other’s brains” umm

Also Peter’s favourite band was buffalo springfield and we stan a friend who would say your band was their favourite band

And I think this is where my knowledge starts to fade because I haven’t really heard any cool facts from here on afterwards

Last Final Cool Facts

He was a teacher for quite a while and taught about Maths, basketball (despite not liking any sport except swimming) and Easter Philosophy,,,yes easter philosphy the man was into that kinda stuff

Also he was a big reader. Always having a smoll book in his pocket that he would read while on set with the Monkees. But he was particularly a non fic kinda guy

He would write poetry on the back of scripts

In the 2000s he said that his sister thought he might have ADD

Also autism but when asked about it he’d be all P E R H A P S

which is very unhelpful Peter pls give us a straight answer

I mean he cant give us straight answers because he was the gayest monkee (he fricked a dude once but he didn’t like it)

Hey look I ended on a gay note yeet. Thanks for reading this mess

[thelittlehansy]

Queen anna has now new duties

Anna is at a ball where the princes of the southern isles are invited she is on the corner of the ballroom she whispered nervous

Anna : the nice one , the evil the one the...*paused* the jealous one *happy* the nice one the evil one the jealous one the opressive one...the nice one...*paused groaned*

Anna nervous and upset go to the buffet she saw hans who take a sandwiches

Anna : hi ! *huge smile*

Hans : .....why are you saying me hi ? *suspicious*

Anna : because i m a nice person i guess ?

Silence akward

Anna : i was thinking...*smile take also a sandwiches* maybe you could help me learn your brothers names ?

Hans : no !

Was going to leave

Anna : *frustated angry* ok...so you lied to me manipulated me let me to die try to kill my sister and now dont want to help me ?

Hans : what ? *confuse by why is anna is agressive*

Several second later...

Hans and anna are both sat around a table.

Hans : so first we are gonna try to know how many names you have ! Ok ? *smile to Her*

Anna : *euphoric claps in her hands* yes ! *was going to finish hans sandwiches*

Hans : you paused that where you find it your magesty ! NOW ! *bossy*

Anna : *paused the sandwiches*

Hans : *calm* i prefer that ! So start it i need to know how many you have !

Anna : ok *smile happy know she has help* so there is the evil one the nice one the jealous one the sadt...

Hans : wait wait wait *confuse* this is not their name...this the relationship i have with them...

Anna : yes i tought it could be more easy to rememeber them.

Hans : no no no you need now that you are a queen to know the names of my brothers all of them ! Wait how do you know my relationship with my brothers ?

Anna : i spy on....talk to people ! *innocent*

Hans : ok whatever this is not gonna be complicated apprently it was easy for your sister to know them !

Anna : yeah yeah i know !

Hans : talking about your sisters where is she exactly ? *curious raise en eyebrow*

Anna : *fast* in a magical forest !

Hans : what ? *confuse burst out laughing*

Anna : ooooh please focuse on your task

Hans : ok. But what is she doing in a magical forest all by herself ?

Anna : she is with people she...this is not your buisnness !

Hans : yeah yeah i know but i m just curious !

Anna : she is the 5th spirit...

Hans : 5th spirit ? *confuse laugh* what is this thing exactly ?

Anna : she...she is..she is a connection ! She is on the forest where she belong with her magical water horse now if...

Hans : she has a magical horse woaaaaaaaaa i m sorry anna to have laugh your sister must really enjoy herself in this magical forest ! *impress stars in his eyes*

Anna : *to herself* shit forgot he adore horse ok can we focuse now...

Hans : yes yes so the first is caleb !

Anna : this wasnt calbus ?

Hans : *sighed* no anna this is caleb..i live with him ! So the first caleb ok ? *paused not focuse* she has a water horse...*huge idiotic smile*

Anna : yes hans ! * rolled her eyes *

Hans : she has water horse *excited* this is so amazing !!! *giggle* do you think this is possible a fire horse ?

Anna : *annoyed* i have never ask myself the question but it sounds dangerous ! So your BROTHERS

Hans : yeah yeah ! the last one alphonse.

Anna : alphonse ?

Hans : the jealous one ! *rolled his eyes*

Anna : oh i i see him now ! *happy*

Hans : *look at anna during one second*

Anna : what again ?

Hans : i was just thinking *burst out laughing* that you are here trying to learn my stupid brothers names for diplomacy bullshit and you sister must be in a forest playing with a mythical water horse *laugh again*

Anna : *dirty look she throw at him a tomatoes from her sandwiches* i KNOW *angry* you like put the knive a little deeper isnt it ?

Hans : no no i m just well i m sad for you ! *play sadness* so then the twins runo and ru...

Anna : runo ? *this time she is the one that laugh*

Hans : what ? *confuse*

Anna : this is a pet name that hans...

Hans : *chuckle*

Anna : *laugh* like..i cant pictured myself say your highness prince runo weestergraad of the southern isles but more who is a good boyyy this is runo !

Hans : *burst out laughing nearly fall from his chair* your right ! This is true !

Anna : *laugh* ok so runo ! The evil...

Hans : no !it was perfect like that dont add nothing after !

Anna : so after oh the three that pretend you were invisible ?

Hans : yeah theses one...*paused* wait can we make a deal ?

Anna : what again ? *suspicious* what you want my crown again ? You want to marry me i guess ?

Hans : *casually* what no no i dont care anymore about that !

Anna : *schoked*

Hans: I was going to propose to make you learn my brothers names faster but 5 minutes later so now you can talk to me about the water horse ? *excited*

Anna : what ? Ok fine ! What do you want to know ?

Hans : *huge smile* everything !

[xsome-kind-of-disasterx]

Paris - Ronnie/Patty

Ronnie smiled as he felt Pattys slim hand slide into slightly larger ones. He could feel the slight calluses over the smaller palm and fingers caused by years of playing guitar, the small cuts that were created the week before while they were cooking vegan tacos. The metal of the hair tie that Patty had on his wrist felt cold against Ronnies warm skin. He felt the butterflies erupt in his stomach, a feeling that he knew hed never get bored of. He looked across at the younger male and felt his smile go bigger.

Pattys black hair was swept widely across his forehead, even with his beanie on. The small black wisps of hair that escaped the rest of the dark hair rested just above his eyes, no matter how many times the younger had pushed them out of the way, and slightly smudged his eyeliner in an adorable way. Ronnie could see the small imperfections in his face, how Pattys lips were ever so slightly chapped from the breeze and the end of his nose that was slightly red from being in the cold for too long. There were small goosebumps along his neck and across the bottoms of his arms that weren't covered by the deep black denim jacket he wore, the one that once belonged to Ronnie but Patty had taken it for himself.

It had been over 4 years since they had first kissed, on the last day of warped tour. When Ronnie, despite his nerves, walked over to the brit and gently leaned in and left a faint kiss on his lips. But then Patty had to leave and fly back to the UK, leaving both parties crushed. However after two years of them talking a lot over facetime and a lot of texting, they decided to give long distance a go and havent looked back since. Then the opportunity for Ronnie to join first as a touring member and then a full time member of the band arised and the couple jumped at the chance to be able to spend more time together.

Now the couple were on their third tour of the year, supporting for Enter Shikari through the European dates. The band had a free day in Paris due to not playing the show that night and decided to go out and explore the city for a few hours, or at least thats what Patty thinks.

After weeks of planning, Ronnie struggling to find the right ring and moment to do it, he planned to do it with the eiffel tower in the background and the rest of the band around them. Ben had the simple black ring in his jacket pocket waiting for the moment that Ronnie asks for it.

Ronnie could feel himself start to slightly shake with nerves, the sick feeling in his stomach getting worse. His legs felt like jelly as he forced himself to carry on walking to the area where he decided to propose. He felt the slight tap on his back and then the ring box be forced into his hand, the soft velvet feeling like fire.

He grasped Pattys hand tighter in his and started to slow down, being in direct shot of the powerful tower behind them, before grinding to a hault. He took a deep breath and looked up, seeing Pattys eyes sparkling in the city lights looking confused and inquisitive as to why they stopped. Ronnie looked past him to see the knowing smiles on everyone's faces and took another deep breath as he held both of Pattys hands in his.

"Patrick Thomas Walters" he said with a small chuckle, the lead singers full name always making him laugh "you have made me one of the happiest guys alive. Everyday when I wake up next to you if that in a hotel room or our bed or being crammed into one of the tiny bunks on the bus, I cant help but smile and everything feels better. I rememeber the first time I saw you, when you was walking through the traffic lot in California and you had your brown floppy hair and your big smile and I couldnt get you out of my head. It took me till the last day to finally work up the courage to finally come and kiss you, it was the best decision of my life. " Ronnie could feel the tears starting to build up in his eyes " but then you had to go home to england and we lost contact, it was the worst moment of my life. Until 3 months later I had a message from you on twitter and we started talking again. After countless hours on FaceTime to eachother and late night phone calls I fell in love with you and I fell hard. When Okay. Came out I remember sitting on FaceTime to you while you were in floods of tears while reading all the tweets of people getting the album and I felt so proud. " He felt Patty grip is hands tighter as small tears started to fall from his eyes. "After you asked me to move to brighton with you for our two year anniversary Id never felt like it before. I remember when we walked into the pet shop and got Kirk together, then later got Ponyo and Sosuke and I can never forget the smile you had when we got them. One of the worst feelings Ive ever had is when I got that call saying that you had a blood clot in your arm and how you was trying to stop surgeons operating on you so you perform in London. When I sat there and injected enoxaparin into your arm, id never felt so annoyed at a person before. " Ronnie let go of Pattys hand to wipe the tears that were falling down both of their faces. "But as soon as I saw you walk out on the stage I knew it was the right decision, youre at home on stage. Then I had the chance to come on tour with you and im so glad I did. Getting to see you every night play stages and hear people scream your lyrics back at you was an experience that I never understood, till I was stood next to you on that stage. We've had our ups and our downs, theres no disputing that. Weve fought and weve argued, but its always been over silly stuff. When you asked me to officially join the band, I cried into your shoulder for an hour until saying yes. Ive never been accepted into a family with such open arms and I cant believe that the floppy haired guy in a California parking lot could mean so much to me. I dont know what the future has in store for us but I know I want to spend my future with you. I want to have a cute house together in brighton and maybe have kids together. " Ronnie took a deep breath before getting the ring out of his pocket,opening the box and getting down on one knee. "I want to be with you, you are my happy space. You make me feel like I belong and I want this feeling to last forever. So Patrick Thomas Walters would you do me the honour of being my husband?"

Tears were pouring out of Pattys eyes, eyeliner slightly smudged from the tears and the biggest smile Ronnie had ever seen. He fell to his knees wrapped his shaking arms around Ronnies shoulders and just kept nodding, not able to speak a word. Ronnie laughed into his now Fiancees shoulder and slowly slid the ring onto his finger before pulling them both up and pulling him into a kiss.

[mac45477]

this is a ruff draft i have been working on for almost and hr let me know what you think and along with if you would continue to read it.

our stoy takes place on a dark rainy cloudy night. a small town becoems visable as we come up over a small hill out of the wood line. i am gettign very tired and need to get me a drrink before i reside to a sleeping chamber. i stop in the local pub of this unknown town. as i grab a table to myself in the back away from all the chatter and laughter of the locals the bar maiden brings me a drink. when thats about gone she brings me another and calls me by my birth name witch is one i havent hurd in a very long time. i begine to think to myself as i set there and continue to drink did i tell her my name, have i ever been here before, have i met her somewhere before. as tiem went on and the locals begain to file out slowly one by one or two and three at a time i continued to set there and drink. time didnt seam to matter to me anymore. the pub was nice and eligant. it had a off white paint on the walls, a fireplace to the left of my table, witch tonight was nice since it had been raining, the bar was in an easy location to my table since th bar maiden keep seeing my glass was almost empty and would bring me a new one every time. the door was about 25 feet infrount of me. to the right there was more tables. as i am setting here i see him a man i have ran intot in the past who just seams to pop up from time to time in my travels. i dont know him because everytime i go to approch him he seams to vanish but tonight its almost like he wants me to come talk to him. he is setting at a table in a corner by him self just looking at me. when i look up and he sees i am looking he smiles its kind of a creepy smile even for a man like myself to see. its like hes calling to me to come but also like if i get to close something bad will happen. i want to find out what this man wants with me but also something tells me to stay away. all i got to say is if he is still here by the time i finish drinking i will stumble my way over to him and if he wants to fight he has a fight.

an hr or so passes by and the slinder pale man is still setting there. was he that pale in the begining when i first spotted him. i dont rememeber. another thing i noticed is he has coal black eyes but that might just be the lighting. it is offly dark in here. i have finally drank myself to the point its time to go ask him what his problem is. as i get up from my table he jsut sets at his table and wates for me like he has been exspecting me all night. i finally reach his table. he motions for me to set down. with you saying a word to him he says my birth name. agian i havent hurd that name in years. i ask how he knows me by that name he does not answer. he just sets there and looks at me for a moment. then he proceids by saying i wondered how long it was going to take you to get up and finally come over here . i ask what he ment by that? yet again he says nothing about the quwstions i ask. he just sets there looking at me yet again. by this time i have had enough and ask why are you here and what do you weant with me? his only answer is. it willl come out in time my son. my son what do you mean by that mr. i ask? he says noting yet again.

as we set there almost everyone has left the pub theres only a few people left and there about 3 sheats to the wind and cant even play the card game they started 5 min ago. by this time the man says why dont we go for a walk and i will show you everything you need to know? he has my attiontion now just because if he has any information on the man i am hunting for that killed my amily that night i will finally get hte vengance i have been longing for.

as we leave the pub a fog rolls over the town. i can only see the mn that was at the pub and my self everything else is in a white blanket. as we walk she says nothing for a long time. we finally reach some where i think it might be middle of town and he says you want to know what happened that night dont you so you can find the man responsible? by this point i think hes jsut messsing with me and i dont think he has any answers. i reach for my blade and he says you draw that and kill me i will not beable to give you the answers you are looking for. so i stop in mid reach. i drop my hand back to my side and allow him to talk some more but as presumed he says nothing. then after a few minutes of standing there he says just one line over i can show you everything. i tell hem i want to know what you mean by that. he coems back with it will coast you everything tho. at this point the drunken rage is starting to take over. he tells me to think about it for a night and he will come for me on the night of the full moon. then he steps into the fog and is gone. not even 5 seconds after he steps into the fog the fog lifts and i awaken in my room at the inn that i have no clue on to how i got there. i go to the desk and ask the clerk how i got there last night and he says i came in drunk off my ass and asked for a room for two nights so he gave me the only avalible room for that long.

i make my way back to the pub and start asking around about the pale man with coal black eyes from last night. no one there has ever seen this man in there life go figure. does he have everyone scared of him or did i just imagine hime last night from drinking to much. as i set at a table i begain to look around and try to figure out where he was setting but the strange thing is the tables are not set up the same. nothings the same as last night so was it all truly a dream.

i go back to theh inn and go back to my room. i spend the day thinking over what that man said to me i can show you all but it will caust you everything. what does he mean by that? i fid myself getting very tired and i laydown to take a nap. by the time i wake up it is already dark out. i decide to walk back to the pub and grab soem food and a dirink that is all just one ndrink tonight and some food. since i havent ate all day and i need something.

when i get to the pub everyhting is how it was this morning when i got there. i set down the bar maide brings me food and a drink. i take the food and drink. as i set there i think to myself this is strange yet again i didnt tell her what i wanted yet she brougt me food i havent had since my mother passed. away and the same drink as last night. soenthigs not right here in this town they know to much aabout me with me never being here or meeting any of these people. after i finish my food and drink i leave and decide to go walking. i want answers to how theses people know so much about me. its deathly quiet tonight no music or any souds. its just after sunset so there sould still be people out and there should still be music filling the air. as i walk further into town i knotice someone following me just out side of my eye sight but i know there there thats the good thing about being hald orc. we have this sixth sence where we can tell when we are being tracked. the thing is i look almost human only thing that gives me away is the muscular buils and the way my hair grows just on the crown of my head. i have had my teeth cut so they look human. as i walk a few more blocks i turn quick down a side street and try to circle behind my stalker but they some how vanish into thin air. i am no longer being followed. i also find myself back infrount of the inn i am staying at yet it wasnt there when i walked down this street a min ago.

[odds0cks]

Me too

TW: Rape, Sexual assault, victim blaming, mental health, self harm, alcoholism

I need to talk about rape and sexual assault. There never seems a “right moment” to post this but what with everything in the media right now, I figured now is the time.

For three years this has been eating me up inside. It has impacted my mental health and my physical health. I have developed a drinking problem since this happened and frankly, either I do this now or I’m going to be found dead in a gutter somewhere.

It is important to me to share my story. Women all over the world suffer in silence because the are too afraid that their perpetrators will retaliate. In some countries, some rape survivors are punished for having been subjected to such a horrific ordeal and let me tell you, surviving rape is horrific!

The last time I was raped was in 2014. The perpetrator wasn’t a stranger in some dark alley. He didn't force me. He didn’t attack me. Quite the opposite in fact. He was a trusted friend of many years who took advantage of me when I was at my most vulnerable.

Before the incident, I had had a particularly rough year. I had to move house, I had split with my partner, I lost my job and I had to leave uni. My mental health was not good. I had been rather looking forward to my 30th birthday. It was supposed to be one of those milestones you know? I had been planning my party for a long time. It was going to be a stupidly over the top ridiculous princess party. I had never been a princess, the idea of it repulsed me. However, I wanted to try it. Just once. I had invited more than 45 people to my party and was receiving plenty of “yes” responses. I was excited! I’ve never been particularly keen on birthdays and I thought this could change how I felt about them. It did. Just not in the way I had hoped!

By the time my birthday came, I’d had lots of “I’m sorry but…” messages. People couldn’t make my party. There were reasons/excuses. I was sad. After everything I had been through, my party was more than just a birthday celebration. It was a celebration of surviving. A celebration of riding out one of the darkest storms I had ever encountered.

Regardless of being let down by so many people, I decided to go ahead with my party anyway. After all, I had paid for it!

I had spent the day of my party getting stuff sorted. I tried to hide how shitty I felt by drinking. I couldn’t tell you the exact amount of alcohol I had consumed but it was a lot. Even by my own standards! By the time I left my mums to get to the venue I was extremely drunk. I don’t remember much of what happened. I know that only 4 of my friends, my mum, my aunty, their friend, my sister and her friend came. That was it. A party I had spent two years and more than £200 on was attended by a total of 9 people. Imagine just for a second how that feels. I have an exceptionally large family. Many of whom were invited. Only 3 family members came. Sure, they had their reasons (excuses) as to why they couldn’t (didn’t want to) come. Clearly it wasn’t as important to them as it was to me. That’s fine, you know? Not everyone has to value things in the same way. So how did I deal with being let down on such a huge scale? I got even more drunk!

I asked some of the people who were in attendance about how drunk I was. Just in case my brain had me exaggerating. Here’s the conversation:

Thanks everyone for agreeing to take part in this chat for me and my sanity. I know that my 30th was a long time ago but if anyone can recall anything from that day/night I would be most grateful. If we could just stick to that day/night and not anything that happened after I would be super grateful. Also, it may help jog memories if you have anything in Facebook for that date (29 Nov 2014). Take your time. Again, thank you.

_____________________

From what i can remember i know i turned up at the (VENUE NAME REDACTED), was introduced to a few people, was shown upstairs as there was a disco and people dancing, you were heavily flirting with (NAME REDACTED) to the point it was sexual dancing and i think you were kissing him at some point, i know i didn't want to dance and had to say a few times about it, after that i was downstairs talking to (NAME REDACTED) about random things and you kept making a scene about things, you told me that the DJ was a stripper as well and i didn't want to see it, you start complaining that everyone had to see him strip and i know it really annoyed me because i didn't want to see him strip and i had to tell your firmly about it and then you stopped talking about it, later we were on the stairs, i think we kissed and then you were in shock and went up stairs as everyone had gone, you told me not to follow so i didn't and i went back outside, you came down a little later saying that things happened with you and (NAME REDACTED). After you came downstairs you were in a state not to sure if it was to do with (NAME REDACTED) (FURTHER INFORMATION OMITTED AS NOT RELEVANT)

_____________________

Me and (NAME REDACTED) turned up and you were already extremely drunk and upset about people not turning up. We were hammering the cocktails. You were happy that (NAME REDACTED) had come because you were hoping to rekindle things. There was dancing and yes there was flirting with (NAME REDACTED). You were just Kim drunk, nothing unusual about the way you were behaving, you were trying to have a fun night. At some point I had to give you my bra as your dress ripped, not sure when. I also had to go home in a taxi and get you and (NAME REDACTED) a dress each of mine as yours was so torn up and (NAME REDACTED) had a drink spilt on hers, not sure when in the night this was. (NAME REDACTED) was flirting with you and (NAME REDACTED). We lost (NAME REDACTED) and found her upstairs chatting nerd stuff with (NAME REDACTED). I 'think' we left you and (NAME REDACTED) to clear up some stuff upstairs. You came down a different person. You lost your shit. You were kicking off about everything. You and (NAME REDACTED) did a lot of talking and at some point you were missing and we were all looking for you. Then as (NAME REDACTED) said, he spotted you and let us know where you were. We went on to bar69. My ex turned up and you and (NAME REDACTED) had to sort that situation out. You were drunker than I've ever seen you that night. I've probably missed bits which I will add if they come back to me. This is just what I can remember right now.

_____________________

I can't remember that much to be honest. I remember us turning up I think we were delayed for some reason and getting straight on the drinks because we wanted to make sure you had a blast. i remember talking to (NAME REDACTED) about doctor who for a bit and you (I think) came up and got me. I remember you guys dancing and I remember (NAME REDACTED) not wanting too which pissed you off a bit but you were ok. There was alot of flirting between you and (NAME REDACTED) but there was alot of flirting with everyone he was flirting with me at one stage during the Doctor Who convo. but it seemed to be flirting without intent if that makes sense? I remember being by the canal and you were really upset and not making alot of sense to me but that was down to me being drunk I think. I remember going to the cross foxes but don't remember being in there. I remember walking around looking for you and (NAME REDACTED) saying he had seen you on his way home. i cant really put things into any order because I was stupidly drunk and my memory is atrocious when sober.

_____________________

I cant remember much like i said... just remember u bein upset cuz not many ppl turned up which is understandable! And u were extremely drunk... i must of been drunk aswell cuz dont rememeber goin the foxes but rememeber bein in bar69 then walking home on my own... i remember u disappearin for abit with (NAME REDACTED) .. im sure i went into the toilets aswell and noticed the other toilet door bein shut for ages…

________________________________________________________________

One thing is for certain, that night I was very drunk. Beyond my usual drunk. Too drunk and in such a poor state of mind psychologically that I could not possibly have consented to sex or sexual activity.

I messaged him a few days after the fact and again almost two years later in a bid to salvage the friendship. Below is the correspondence:

__________________________________________

My first message to him:

I have been over Saturdays events repeatedly in my head. I was horrified to wake up and find blood down my legs and bruises that may or may not be related. I have absolutely no recollection of the events from Saturday during my party. I'd sobered somewhat in the aftermath and I can recall some of what happened when my friends and I went up town. Mostly because I had what I can only describe as a breakdown. What I do know is that I was beyond drunk. That much must have been evident to you. When you said that we'd had sex, initially I was mortified. Then I felt shame and embarrassment and now I'm just angry. Despite the fact that we may have already agreed that we would "probably" have sex, I was so beyond drunk that there is no way I could have consented and with you being completely sober you were the one in control and you fully took advantage. Having spent the last 3/4 days in a complete state of shock, I have now come to accept that this was, without question, rape. I had been blaming myself for what happened because a) I had allowed myself to get that drunk and b) it was almost inevitable that we would have sex as is/was the nature of our friendship. However, it is still not ok and in the eyes of the law, that is still rape. Not only have I been absolutely destroyed by this situation, anything that I may have had with (NAME REDACTED) has been completely obliterated. You knew full well how I felt about him. I am aware that I don't have a "conventional" outlook on relationships but it still does not give you or, indeed, anyone else permission to have sex with me when I have no control of my faculties. I am unsure as to what I want to do right now. I have been repeatedly advised to go to the police but I'm not sure that's the right course of action for either of us. One thing I know for sure is that our friendship is well and truly over. Since this happened, I can no longer trust you. I have no faith that this was just a "one off" and that it would "never happen again". Having been in a domestically abusive relationship, those words mean nothing to me. The thing that bothers me the most is your blasé message to me he morning after. "Oh it's a shame you don't remember"! Does that not ring alarm bells for you? Part of me wants to go to the police as I couldn't live with myself if I'd allowed another man to walk free and rape again but part of me knows that I wouldn't be able to cope owing to what happened in my past and my already fragile mental state. I guess that I just want you to say that you know it was wrong. That you did take advantage and that it was rape and not consensual sex.

His reply:

I am really sorry that you feel this way. I could tell you were drunk, but you didn't seem so drunk that I thought you wouldn't be able to remember. You had been coming on to me from the very start of the evening, which given our history did not ring alarm bells for me. When everyone had gone downstairs and it seemed like no one was coming back you climbed onto me and asked me to have sex with you. So I followed you into the toilets and we did. It was not forced and it certainly was not rape. However, looking at it now, as the sober one between us I should have said no to you, but given our history I thought it was what you wanted. I was obviously completely wrong. So for that I am sorry. I can't begin to understand why you would think I would do anything to hurt you, or anyone else. That isn't who I am. But I can see that this has really upset you, and for that I am truly sorry. I am also sorry to lose you as a friend. Goodbye

My message two years on:

It's been almost two years since we last saw each other and we didn't part ways pleasantly. That was not what I wanted. We have been friends and more for a very long time and I valued every asset of our friendship and honestly, I miss it. The reason for writing now is because the past two years have had such a negative impact on my mental health. I Thought I had reached rock bottom but I wasn't even close. I don't want to hit rock bottom. I can't afford to hit rock bottom. Every other aspect of my life seems to be working out but this one thing is looming over me like a rabid beast and threatening to consume me and everything I have worked so hard to create. The problem was not what happened, it was the way things unfolded afterwards. Your reaction hurt and shocked me. I thought, given the nature of our friendship, you would have wanted to talk things through. Try to figure things out together and make things right. I don't know why things played out the way they did. I imagine my accusation was a shock to you. It was a shock to me too. I sought advise from some very close friends before my original message to you and it took me a very long time to actually see that they were right. I don't for one second think that you're a bad person. I never did. What I want is a chance for the to of us to talk about things. Preferably face to face. It may not change things but I know there is a chance which is why I am doing this. I hope to hear from you.

His reply:

Thank you for your message. Before we start anything, I want one thing cleared up, for my own peace of mind. What happened was not rape. This is not me being dismissive. Believe me it haunted me to think I may have done that, I was shocked by the accusation and needed time to process it. I have looked into it, and I know, for certain, that what happened was not rape. Below is an excerpt from UK law. "The question of capacity to consent is particularly relevant when a complainant is intoxicated by alcohol or affected by drugs. In R v Bree [2007] EWCA 256, the Court of Appeal explored the issue of capacity and consent, stating that, if, through drink, or for any other reason, a complainant had temporarily lost her capacity to choose whether to have sexual intercourse, she was not consenting, and subject to the defendant's state of mind, if intercourse took place, that would be rape. However, where a complainant had voluntarily consumed substantial quantities of alcohol, but nevertheless remained capable of choosing whether to have intercourse, and agreed to do so, that would not be rape. Further, they identified that capacity to consent may evaporate well before a complainant becomes unconscious. Whether this is so or not, however, depends on the facts of the case. In cases similar to Bree, prosecutors should carefully consider whether the complainant has the capacity to consent, and ensure that the instructed advocate presents the Crown's case on this basis and, if necessary, reminds the trial judge of the need to assist the jury with the meaning of capacity.

" Being drunk does not preclude you from giving consent. It is only when incapacitated (ie unconscious or incoherent) that consent cannot be given, nor can it be assumed to still be in place even if given before this state occurs. When we had sex you were conscious and coherent the whole time. Consent was given (you basically dragged me into the toilet cubicle). I did not rape you. I would not do that, to you or anyone. That is what hurt me most. I was being attacked and hounded over a serious allegation of something I had not done. I felt closing off was the best course of action. I did not mean to hurt you. I was just protecting myself. I hope you can now see things as I do.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

He takes absolutely no responsibility for his actions and made no attempt to fix our friendship. Instead he dumped all of it on my lap and walked away.

Was he right? Was it ok for him to fuck me in the state I was in? The only person who thinks he is right is him. Every other friend/professional/stranger I have discussed this matter with has said he was in the wrong.

According to the law:

The Sexual offences Act 1956 contains no statutory definition of 'consent'. Juries must be told that the word should be given its ordinary meaning, and that there is a difference between 'consent' and 'submission'.

Lack of consent may be demonstrated by:

The complainant's assertion of force or threats;

Evidence that by reason of drink, drugs, sleep, age or mental disability the complainant was unaware of what was occurring and/ or incapable of giving valid consent; or

Evidence that the complainant was deceived as to the identity of the person with whom (s)he had intercourse.

A boy or girl under the age of 16 cannot consent in law, (Archbold 2004, 20-152).

Consent should be carefully considered when deciding not only what offence to charge but also whether it is in the public interest to prosecute. Sometimes consent is given, or appears to be given, but the law does not treat it as effective consent.

Based on the above, I was raped. His rebuttal two years on is taken directly from the CPS website. However, what he fails to add is the final paragraph:

Prosecutors and investigators should consider whether supporting evidence is available to demonstrate that the complainant was so intoxicated that he/she had lost their capacity to consent. For example, evidence from friends, taxi drivers and forensic physicians describing the complainant's intoxicated state may support the prosecution case. In addition, it may be possible to obtain expert evidence in respect of the effects of alcohol/drugs and the effects if they are taken together. Consideration should be given to obtaining an expert's back calculation or the opinion of an expert in human pharmacology in relation to the complainant's level of alcohol/ drugs at the time of the incident.

Based on the summaries provided by other people in attendance that night, I was heavily intoxicated. Surely, any “normal” human being would notice just how intoxicated I was and - being stone cold sober - would refuse to engage in sexual activity with me?

This is what I have been dealing with for the past three years. This is why I’m in the mess that I am in. This is why I can’t go to cabaret shows without feeling his presence there - He was a performer. This is why I have issues with trust right now. This is why I’m always so angry, so frustrated, so depressed. This is why my drinking has spiralled. This is why I am self harming more than ever.

I don’t want sympathy or pity. I don’t want people to tell me that it will be ok. He wasn’t the first person to rape me. You never get over being violated in this way. You just learn to cope. I am hoping that by putting this out in the public sphere, I will be able to move on and start fixing myself.

I also want to challenge the mainstream notion of rape. Rape isn’t always forceful or aggressive. The perpetrator is rarely a stranger. We have this image that has been cultivated by the media. A rapist is a creepy person, staring eyes, physically imposing. This is not always the case.

If you find yourself in this position, just stop and think. If you are completely sober and someone incredibly intoxicated wants to have sex with you, tell them no. If they lash out because you said no, just walk away.

Rape can happen to anyone of any age, gender, sex, sexual orientation, race, religion etc.

Don’t become another statistic.

________________________________________________________________

If anyone is affected by my story or is struggling with their own story, please come and talk to me. Drop me a message on Facebook, ask for my number, ask if we can meet. I have all the time in the world for you because I know what it’s like to have to go through this alone. Please don’t think that you have to keep quiet. Please don’t think that I will judge you. I am here for you and I promise I will listen regardless of your age, sex, gender, race, religion, sexual orientation or sexual history.

FURTHER READING

https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/05/alcohol-and-consent-questions/

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/is-drunk-sex-considered-rape

https://www.sdcda.org/helping/prevent-rape/price-brochure.pdf

https://news.vice.com/story/when-is-someone-legally-too-drunk-to-consent

https://www.cps.gov.uk/publications/equality/vaw/what_is_consent_v2.pdf

http://sexpression.org.uk/consent-in-sexual-contact/

[jealously-is-a-curse]

Hello there! You should answer all 100 TMI asks ☺

100 NSFW TMI Questions: 1. Are you a virgin? No 2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size? Yeah everyone knows i have small titties. 3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs? No 4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity? 5. Do you swear under celibacy? Nah fam 6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven't, when would you like to? I lost it when I was 17, so in year 12. 7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex? nope cause im not stupid 8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex?: no thank god, and i hope i never do!! 9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission? nah 10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex? no where really, for me still it the kitchen table like ppl eat of this and i did that on there damn. 11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex? outdoor sex, im over car sex. 12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not? probably 18 years old 13. Have you ever helped someone "finish"? yeah lol every guy my age 14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too): nah 15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too):dunno 16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?:ahah nah 17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate): clitoral 18. What is your bra/penis size?: small size bra 19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member?:yeah i always walk around naked infront of my mum lmao 20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?:nothing 21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better?: i like both, depending on the chemistry between me and the guy. 22. When was the last time you masturbated?: couple weeks ago 23. When was the last time you had sex?: 3 weeks ago 24. When was the last time you watched porn?: does tumblr porn count? if so everyday lol 25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?: first sex toy i brough was a mini bullet, its my fave. 26. Guys: Circumsized? yeah but really isnt an issue for me. 27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?: my neck 28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?: obvi my clit 29. Girls: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?: no i actually dislike my breast/nipples being touched 30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing?: right now i have pink ones with green leaves on them. 31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions?: yeah, whatelse is snapchat for? :))) 32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website?Did it include sexual actions? No, no no. 33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? Nope 34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?:nope 35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?: literally couple nights ago. 36. Which wet dream was your favorite?: I dont think i have any faves cause i dont rememeber them all haha 37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?: maybe, but im scared it would wreck the friendship. 38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? Oh too many to name. 39. Have you ever masturbated with someone? yeah 40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member?: Ive had the opportunity to but i have bad skin conditions so i avoid it haha 41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you?: id say reverse cow girl 42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?: yes 43. Are you into any BDSM?: havent really tried it out but would love too. 44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?: hmm this answer is the same as question 37 45. Turn on's?: guys who eat pussy 46. Turn off's?: guys who dont eat pussy 47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover?: nah 48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex?: yeah, i mean who hasnt. 49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on?: not to sure 50. Do you like dirty talk?: yeah I do, but i hate returning it back haha 51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?: quite as i live at home and all the bedrooms are close. 52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?: nope 53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story?: guy was eating me out nek min he got a blood nose during it haha so awks 54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story?: hilarious sex story is guys who last 5 mins 55. What kind of porn do you like to watch?: tumblr porn 56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome): oh in year 12 the boys made me watch black guy with asian girl LOL 57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under?: tumblr porn 58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched?: oh tv shows about girls who go into the porn industry aged 18 and cry over it haha 59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older?Younger? How much younger?: yes yes my year 7 high school teacher, who is probs in his early 30s now, now probs 8 or so years older 60. Favorite sex toy (if any)?: i dont have a fave one, id like to explore new ones 61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren't satisfied with their sex?: no but i stop seeing guys right away if i dont like the sex with them. 62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel?: no, im only 21 dont need too haha 63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower?: nah wouldnt do it for a tumblr follower 64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you've had about them?: haha nah i keep that to myself. 65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos?: yes 66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?nah 67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?: yup 68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm?: only couple years ago 69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way): yeah i can only achieve orgasm with playing with my clit or sometimes getting eaten out. 70. Favorite type of oral?: sucking dick? 71. Strangest sexual positon you've tried?: none yet 72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion?: no 73. Girls: During sex, vaginal or anal?: vaginal 74. Girls: During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal?: clitoral 75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive?: both 76. Have you ever masturbated to someone?: no 77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn't there when you needed them?no 78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?yeah and nah dont even remember his name 79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?: yes i have and no because feelings get involved. 80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner?: yeah all the time i dont have a boyf 81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else?: n/a 82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover's or someone else's?: no and i hope it dont! 83. Birth control or condoms?: both 84. Do you ever masturbate to porn?: yes 85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them?: haha yeah my bestfriend knows 86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active?: yeah 87. Do you have any STDs?: no and dont plan on getting any 88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity?: no 89. Have you ever had sex during "7 minutes in heaven"?: i dont even know what that means x 90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral?: swallow, i dont like giving head but i do it anyways hahah 91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else?: no but yeah i reject sex sometimes 92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time? haha yeah 93. Have you ever experiented with the opposite sex?: no, only kissed a few girls, tho i would like to some day try it out. 94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious?no not at all. was scary lol 95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone? no 96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity?: yeah my bestfriend, few of my friends and my mum aahah 97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated?: i wish i had a lover 98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant? n/a 99. Do you like masturbation?: yes 100. (Asker's ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes? : no sorry xxx

[loveliesandlust]

“to all the boys i have loved”  Harry - Part 1

i watched a film recently on netflix, “to all the boys i have loved”. its about a high school girl who has written 5 love letters to crushes throughout her life. they enclose her deepest feelings for them, which she keeps hidden in a blue box in her room. unfortunately for her these 5 boys receive the letters and the story begins... long story short i thought it was a good idea to blog about my first “loves” or should i say “lusts”.  PS this film is a must watch, a great teen rom com!

So here we go, fake names will be in use ;)  I met Harry in 2012 when I was 14 years old. At the time I thought I knew everything there was to know about love, only now I realise how naive I really was.  Our great love story started with one word... Hi! It’s so strange thinking back, how one small two letter word was the start of our great romance. rwe started messaging due to us having a mutual friend, after messaging for a while I decided to invite him to a party I was having for my birthday. I thought it would be a good place to meet for the first time, a chilled enviroment to take the heat off. Harry came to the party with a few friends and we talked, drank & got to know each other. After us meeting for the first time he asked me to be his girlfriend aha! at the time i should of known this was a red flag. First time meeting and the boy already wants to commit, jesus. But young love does this to a person i suppose. After the party we had planned to see each other again the next week. And as it was carnival season we decided this would be the perfect place. However he never showed. The same thing happened when we made plans the next weekend this time at another Carnival, he never showed. I was getting fed up with putting myself out there and getting shut down so I said thats enough I wont do it again. 

By this time I had become friends with one of his friends which he had brought to my party, we had become pretty close. He was the one I would confide in when I needed someone to rant to about how shit i felt about being pied every weekend, and how i thought Harry didn’t care. Brandon talked me into giving Harry one more chance, he told me to go to his villages carnival this way i would know he would show up as it would be in his village.  The day before i was meant to come to see him Brandon had told me that my so called boyfriend had been seen kissing and cuddling up to his ex girlfriend on the tea cups! (haha looking back how ridiculous does this sound, im actually laughing while typing this aha! I should of wrote a bloody telenovela with this comedy gold. ) So once I had heard this juicy bit of gossip I thought it was time to confront the cheating bastard, I said what the hell do you think your doing on the bloody tea cups when you have a girl friend at home (tell me this isnt telanovela material aha). Like a typical man he goes on to deny these acusations and says he will make it up to me and prove he is ‘loyal’ when i come to see him tomorrow. So me being the naive girl that i am choose to forgive.  The big day came I decided to bring along my bestie Marisol for support. We got the train down and met one of his friends at the other end, a friend who Marisol was dating so it was kind of a perfect situation. Never mind the fact they were the best looking couple ever!! Skipping a few of the little details I finally met up with Harry. We spent the whole day together tbh from what I remember it was good. We had a laugh with friends and it kind of squashed any issues I had previously. We ended the day on a high, things were back to normal and we were both happy.  I cant remember much after clubday baring in mind this was 6 years again. But from what I rememeber we were good. We hardly saw eachother, we were both at school so could only really see eachother on weekends. One of the major times I remember seeing each other we had planned to go to the water park together one weekend. I had got my mum to drop me off at Brandens so he could fill me in before hand and we could have a bit of a catch up. When i got to Brandens I found out that Harry had actually invited a few of his friends on our little date which pissed me right off. Not only was he shit to get hold of, when we finally had made plans he invites his bloody friends too. I made it work though, we went to the waterpark and made a day of it, did a few tourist things etc. Later in the day some of them went home leaving me Harry & Branden left, so we thought why not go to the cinema. I cant remember what we watched its not really relevant tbh but i think it was spider man. The night came to an end we had a good night kiss (cringe) and went home. that was the last good day we spent together for a while... part 2 pending.