#why cant homosexuals break up like normal people

[jujujun-s]

lena and kara broke up💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

[faemen]

ace attorney??? more like really fucking gay attornies who are SO THICKHEADED i am going to kill them

why couldnt this just be a fandom thing like i thought it was before i played. why cant they just make these canon. why must we suffer so

i dont even want them to be canon cuz yknow normal reasons, i just want the fu kdingnf PINING TO STOP cuz its SO MUCH WORSE EVERY TIME

wrightworth? killed me. not bc of their cuteness or normal ship reasons, nooo instead you change your entire major for a guy you knew for 4 months when you were 9 and book a private jet cuz you thought the guy was dying and gain unnecessary feelings and have that man shine brilliantly in your eyes and share a deep dark secret with the exact same girl who just confessed her love to a guy and being great partners and trusting in each other to find the truth and enjoy biting into apples because theyre red and

klapollo? dont even get me started. once again, not because of normal ship reasons, but because they make me so infuriatingly mad. but yknow being used to getting inspected by the ladies but feeling that way for the first time with a man and calling each other cool while blushing and treating your guitars like lovers instead of smashing them on stage and singing a song about your boyfriend being the prosecutions witness and taking care your heart isnt stolen away and wiping pretty smiles off your opponents face and pulling the darkness out of him and being dazzled and literally asking him out to dinner is all normal and straight dude stuff

lanamia? girlfriends? really? i cant believe you thought that going to law school together and being both a detective and prosecution at the same time she was a defense attorney and being close enough to her you had to push her away and break contact when you got involved with a murder and dying at the hands of the man that blackmailed her and her being the first person you tried to contact when you were in trouble and being attracted to her (intellectually) could possibly mean anything not straight at all.

franmaya?? wtf are you on about??? wdym you saw acts of lesbianisms when two women admire each others strengths for being so strong in her own way in the exact same situation as herself and when theyre narrative foils and when one of them avoids whipping the other despite not doing this for pretty much anyone else and when she spends all night on a freezing cold mountain doing something extremely difficult to make sure the other is okay and out as soon as possible?

faraskye? HA dont make me laugh. why are you even telling me about how theyre literally a detective and thief which fits the trope perfectly and about how they investigate together and about how they worry about each other and how they both have big dreams about their careers in the future which theyre super passionate about and have entirely planned until something comes in their way?? this is all heterosexual behaviour???

blackmadhi? you mean having opposite designs that are black + edgy and white + holy while having the complete opposite personalities to their outfits and calling each other sad monk and reverse panda while fiercely going off against each other because neither of them can bear to lose and putting up facades to keep others away from their true selves but still caring about their younger siblings and doing anything for their sakes? yeah i dont see it.

junithena? youve got to be kidding. playing together in the woods as children and growing up to still remember each other even when others dont approve and being determined to help her find her true self and being worried that shes anxious while remembering what happens when she does even though its been years and getting mad at anyone who bothers her and sobbing because she gave you an orange and promising to defend her no matter what and taking a risk so that she doesnt get in trouble in court and calling each other nicknames and getting jealous that two people are fighting over her love while calling her a bunch of compliments and being supportive but sad when she gets a crush on a guy for some weird forking reason doesnt mean anything at all.

asoryuu????? whaaaat??? cant believe you ever thought that being certified besties and taking a huge risk so that said bestie wouldnt lose their dream and calling each others partners like every line and that thinking hes the pride and joy of your university and not sleeping in the same bed so you can go into the closet and teasing each other while still showing your unbreakable bond is homosexual activity.

tldr: theyre straight /s and i hate them

[transsexualhamlet]

the problem with sherlock and watson (yuumori)

Feel free to ignore honestly this is a giant opinionated and not well informed ramble but yeah here it is for those of u that follow me for some reason, this is probably pretty controversial so yeah feel free to scroll past

also spoilers for anime onlys, we’re almost there though

So I’ve been Thinking about these two recently, and yeah, to be fair I’ve literally never read or watched any other adaption of sherlock, so I’m just speaking as to what I can tell, but yeah. I’m not sure at this point if it’s really a complaint or just an observation, but I do have some slightly confounded observations about how things are different from what I expected with them.

Mostly my Confounded Observation is just... Watson is straight?! I don’t mean in a literal way, he definitely has Bi Wife Energy TM but... you know, he’s comparatively straight.

Of course, I understand why the author might want to make sure watson doesn’t really get in the way of sherlock and liam (which is honestly hilarious but understandable) and for the purposes of the story it does make sense, but it’s... you know, again I haven’t consumed literally any other sherlock content so I wouldn’t know but from what I’ve heard watson’s always a flaming homosexual and well, it’s not like this series lacks for those, but?? 

It’s not just that he’s straight in the sense of his sexuality, it’s that... he’s a straight character in the sense that he’s like, normal? Kind of overly normal? I was kind of expecting more out of him, to be honest, and to see him just be like, a functional human being who seems to be doing totally fine in all ways? That... I don’t know, it’s kind of weird. Especially in contrast with Sherlock, who as everyone can tell is violently not doing just fine.

Since this part of the manga will be covered in the anime soon, I think this is timely, but I feel like this is just made painfully obvious when the shit goes down between him and sherlock.

Speaking on the nature of their relationship here, it’s weird. Because you know, the author is clearly going sherliam endgame (istg if they don’t just make it official i cant take this anymore) and I support that lmao, they’re like my favorite dynamic- but yeah, it’s obviously different from the other adaptions, where, you know, sherlock and john are ambiguously gay people.

Like, it’s honestly comical how in this series that is significantly gayer than every other one that watson is so clearly a Heterosexual Man honestly

But Sherlock still, clearly isn’t, and I think there is something to be said about how he feels about John, though of course in the end he... obviously chooses Liam. (and considering John’s kind of ass character in this version, he was right to do so)

I mean, just look at them.

We’ve got this obviously autistic obviously gay man who is violently codependent with this mild mannered british dude. Sherlock’s feelings for this guy are complex, and they’re clearly very different from the ones he has for Liam, but they’re certainly there. Sherlock clearly has no idea of romance, no idea of the boundaries between platonic and romantic relationships (and neither do I, but,,, yeah) and I think what Sherlock feels for Watson is like a queerplatonic relationship, but like.... not reciprocated?? 

It’s so weird for this to be the case, but it so clearly is? In the part where they explore that, it goes into how, like... Sherlock doesn’t really know how to function without Watson, dude’s holding up his entire mental health without even really doing anything, and Sherlock feels fucking awful when he is no longer Watson’s like, #1 person. The fact is, the same thing is going on with him, though they’ve existed like this for years it’s clearly not going to work anymore- Sherlock is basically having to choose between him and Liam, and you know what he’s gonna do. But it’s still an awful feeling for a bond that strong to break.

The thing about it really is that for Watson the tie was never that strong in the first place. Watson is so... without conflict in his character. And this is something that actually honestly bothers me. He’s so lawful good it’s infuriating. He’s steady, he’s calm, he’s rational and he’s emotionally mature, he can manage himself fine and care for everyone he needs to. He’s doing just fine even though Sherlock is caught up in this ridiculous murder drama, and that’s what makes the relationship so... I don’t know, off in this version.

Sherlock needs Watson, and Watson cares about Sherlock, but not nearly to the same extent, and he’s like. Not really doing it right? For someone who’s been with him for presumably years at this point, Watson doesn’t really feel like he knows Sherlock all that well. And that sucks that that’s the truth. 

In every other story with friendship/romance tropes like this, the characters have conflicts like this, but when one person thinks the other doesn’t care for them that way, they’re wrong. It’s like oh no, I’m a burden, I’m being clingy, he’s got a life to get back to and I don’t, I’m too much, he’s better than me etc... those are things Sherlock’s type of character tell themself, but the catch is that’s not actually the case, they’re just Mentally Ill. Having that just... be true in Sherlock’s case is kind of heartbreaking, as much as it’s clearly for the Sherliam agenda.

The problem is just that Watson here is just so lawful neurotypical that he just doesn’t really get Sherlock. He’s got this strict moral code, and he kind of makes it a problem to Sherlock. He says all the things that Sherlock would expect everyone to say, but it’s not what you’re supposed to say, you know? He’s all like murder is bad stop doing that I won’t be your friend if you shoot people we don’t do that >:(, be civil be nice stop putting yourself in danger Don’t Do Drugs etc etc. You know, of course that’s sensible information, but it’s... not what he needs to fucking hear? That’s like the school counselor going hey guys, just say no :D THAT DOESN’T WORK. And you’d think that Watson would get this by now? All it’s doing is hurting him more. It’s genuinely making me dislike Watson, and that’s not something I want to do.

I think it works for the purposes of this specific narrative, because they don’t want to create problems with Watson being left behind, they want to say that he’ll be fine on his own so that it will all work out fine. And yeah, of course I want that, I don’t want there to have to be conflict of sacrificing John’s emotions for Liam, but I feel like they didn’t have to sacrifice John’s character for him. 

This series could have a Watson who cares deeply about Sherlock and has some weaknesses and conflicting emotions about him without them being romantic. We haven’t seen how Watson dealt with Sherlock’s “death” yet, I don’t think, but... I don’t really like the thought that this Watson would honestly be fine. He’d be sad, he’d be mad, but he’d get over it and get on with his life and is objectively in a better situation without Sherlock. Yeah, I just... don’t like that.

I want to see a Watson who understands Sherlock. Isn’t that what he’s supposed to be? I want to see a Watson who cares for Sherlock so much that he has to make hard decisions, that he has to make the wrong decisions sometimes, that he has internal conflict because of it. I want a Watson who gets that Sherlock is nothing without him, who gets what’s going on with him and Liam, who’s trying to help him and keep him on track and maybe failing. I want a Watson who’s genuinely conflicted about leaving Sherlock for Mary because he knows it will hurt him, who worries about his ability to take care of everybody, who shows his problems from you know, being in a literal war, who wonders how to portray Sherlock in his books. We can have that without losing Sherliam, man. He doesn’t have to be Hideyoshi Nagachika (god, no one needs to go thru that shit), he just has to have at least a bit of emotion, bro. I want to see a Watson who’s struggling with what to do. Like. Even once. 

Instead we have this. This dude who is just... a nice, rather clueless guy who helps out sometimes and who’s just a bit too much of a rule follower to fit into a story like yuumori.

Sorry to just complain on main here I just think he was done a bit dirty here and it’s bothering me, if u have thoughts or info about other portrayals feel free to hmu i have become a bIT hyperfixated

[hhawkeye]

📓

HI okay one of my fave silly little ideas is like. basically bj goes to maine and like. hawkeye doesnt reject him exactly but he kind of goes “look dude i have my own shit to deal with right now and i cant have you spur of the moment abandoning your wife and child to come try to sleep with me when you havent even thought this through and we are both clearly going through something” etc yknow. and bj is like. well i thought about this for the last two or eight years and yes okay i may have had a little bit of a crazy moment and dropped everything to come here but im fine and normal and i cant believe youre rejecting me like this but whatever i’ll respect your decision. and he fucks off. and ends up in boston because Why Not right idk theres got to be a good reason for it but i cant think of any except hes going to visit charles and or margaret (who are of course going to get lavender married) but idk if that really works but ANYWAY. whosoever should he happen to meet at a bar in boston but newly divorced trapper. and idk if he knows its trapper from the start but i think he figures it out at some point and obviously trapper doesnt have a clue who bj is but hes like well this guy is sexy. so ANYWAY theyre talking and bj is like. drunk and a crazy person so i think he kind of is like haha omg 😳 ur so big and strong and hot 😳 do you wanna ummm get out of here 😳 and trapper is like Yes and they get to like maybe the alley. and then trapper like kisses bj and bj kisses back and then punches poor trapper who is like, oh great i’m about to get fucking gaybashed? by the cop from the village people? (except he doesnt think that bc its the 50s and the village people didnt exist yet) and anyway hes like whatever if its gonna happen its gonna happen and like, trapper is allergic to punching people but he will fight back if he must, except then bj starts CRYING and trappers like. ah i see. this guy is a self hating closeted homosexual. i get it now. and he like pats bj on the back and is like look its fine cmon i’ll get you another drink. but then he hears bj mutter-sob something about hawkeye. and trapper is like. holy shit. and anyway long story short hes like did this guy know hawkeye after i left? was he there when hawkeye died? and its a whole thing and they end up going back to trappers apartment and there is a really hellish minute where trapper is like. kind of asking about hawkeye and what happened in the end and bj does think about not correcting trappers assumption that hes dead. but then hes like jesus christ thats so fucked up of me and he starts crying even more and i think theres a fun moment where trapper is sitting beside him kind of :/ but not Doing anything about it and it’s all very period of adjustment yknow. anyway eventually bj pulls himself together enough to be like no hawkeyes alive and well actually so well he told me to fuck off not *checks watch* twelve hours ago so! and trappers like ???????????? because like. Huh???? and anyway bj ends up explaining his whole life story to HIS MORTAL ENEMY TRAPPER and like idk what happens or how it resolves itself here but they eventually end up with this weird like therapist pen pal situation going on where they dont ever like properly talk about things but they also kind of do? and they have this common thread of being in love with hawkeye going on and trapper still has not contacted hawkeye btw bc hes like well he told this dude to fuck off so why would he want to talk to ME of all people. and its all just like a total mess. and anyway they hook up a few times also<3 and idk what happens in the end i think they all just like sort of become a little bit healthier as people and then finally beejtraphawk happens because duh 🙄

you know what im so sorry for this answer i dont know what a paragraph break is. i am allergic to being comprehensible i think :) anyway

[cleaduvalls]

i watched “spy kids” 4 times in 1 week and here are my thoughts

carmen your nightgown is like 200 years old, get a new one

you clearly know this story by heart, you’re saying parts of it. why are you questioning what “take him out” means

a double wig should be more obvious than that

we can see that that’s a glass elevator. people can see you changing, ingrid

nice hat

why did you kill the swan

is that paul rudd???????

how are jets ripping pages out of a book

heart shaped parachutes shouldn’t be working that well

why is there a guitar on your bed. how do you sleep

i think the kids would have seen the track in the floor at SOME point

why is there a jungle gym in their house. i know they’re spies but who has a jungle gym.... in their HOUSE

carmen you’re a frog

i think juni just legitimately try to kill carmen

why are both parents going to school. is that like, a Thing????

juni how do you do that

who puts a video screen in the front seat

hey look its floop. love that guy

they’re not picking on you for the bandages, it’s cuz you brought the toys OUTSIDE your backpack. always put them inside. trust me

did his mirror just.... zoom in?????

h*ck yeah beat him up greg

do all the other kids hate him too??????

dang that hurt

“chief” that’s so white

stupid kid. his dads a spy

that floop doll isn’t even close to accurate

hey look its floop again. love that dude

Big Willy Wonka Energy

oooh skipping numbers i see. love that

why do the subtitles have “mr. floop” as his name. its just floop, yall

“sometimes in order to think big you have to think small” pretty inspirational tbh

oh hes fidgeting!!!!!! love that

woah what are you doing this is rated pg ingrid

i wish my uncles would tell me im shrinking. they just make small talk abt school 😔

this gradenko lady looks like jan from the office

hey its floop again!!!!! love that dude

yes juni. its a fire drill in your own home

these dudes have a jungle gym AND a pool. what the h*ck

why did you pull off your mustache to prove you’re not related. if anything that makes you more related. greg does that too

why did he put the mustache back ON

where did those boats come from

carmen says manual weird. man-yull

right, cuz adrenaline causes warts

“don’t touch anything” *immediately touches everything*

basic boat ettiquette: don’t shit in the boat. those toilets can’t handle anything

is that globe..... punched in???????

floop!!!!!!! love that dude

feet on the desk????? i dunno seems pretty gay

since when did carmen get keys to that

i might be wrong but i dont think thats every country

what does pressure have to do with positioning a laser

this floor is the best mechanic in the whole movie. reminds me of a richie rich comic i had as a kids

why did they not run into the wall. i wanted to see that

is the slide there when floop films his show????

HEY ITS FLOOP!!!! love that dude

theres a bunch of normal food like.... sour worms. why did they pick the slime from charlie and the chocolate factory when johnny depp finds the oompa loompas

thats a sick coat. best one in the movie

that was a good snap. nice acoustics

God what a power move. something thanos would say

listen floop i love you but thats not how you say research

fELIX NO

and hes gone. cool

did she kick the camera?????

haha author unknown. cuz hes a spy

why did you take that one specifically????? plot convenience????

he can still be a spy, just not a good one. learn to read

is that supposed to be a question?????

FUN FACT if you listen closely when carmen says “like felix said” you can hear a weird cut in “said”, almost like its a new clip

theres no keyhole

i think juni can read. why are you spelling it

did you have the floop toys in your pocket????

OKAY THIS SCENE WHERE THEY PLAY IT BACKWARDS?????? THAT MESSED ME UP AS A KID 

what do those things do?????

i can feel the pain from the fan blades

how did that break the chain????

why would you annouce that. they can hear you. just because they’re thumbs doesn’t mean they’re deaf

that’s a thing, not a place

FLOOP!!!!! ON A BILLBOARD!!!! love that dude

how are you slipping. shes holding YOU

YOU DROPPED HIM GENIUS

how do people not notice the jetpack dudes

DOES NO ONE CARE THAT CLOTHES WERE STOLEN

that’s a cute coat

why is the lady cool with carmen just... doing that

HEY I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!!!!!! AND THAT DUDE!!!!!

ofc you can’t think “straight enough” you’re gay

why is mexico sepia tone

when do you think juni had time to change and learn a new language

IF IT HURTS TO HIT HIM, S T O P

i wanna be on that merry-go-round

HOW DO YOU K N O W THAT HIS CODE NAME. WHY “MUST” IT BE HOMBRE

i love how junis just like “we already got a fake uncle”

LOOK AT HOW FLOOP IS SITTING!!!!!!!! THATS GAY!!!!!!! HE IS A HOMOSEXUAL!!!!!!!!

ALSO MORE FLOOP!!!! say it with me, LOVE THAT DUDE!!!!!!!!!!

minion looks like barry from friends

wait i lied this coat is better

we DO have uncles like that!!!!!

if your inventions are so good why is your font so BORING

hey wait carmen said that. hmmmmmmmm 🤔🤔🤔

glowsticks dont help you see like at all

the map looks like gallifreyan but its not. spy kids is older than the doctor who reboot

they go ZOOM

THATS NOT HOW YOU SAY MANUAL!!!!!!!

great job carmen YOU wrecked the plane

WHATS A REGULATOR

oh its just a breathing thing

haha pee joke. funney

where are the brains coming from???? that factory is Not Correct

if i were juni i would look back over all the floop’s fooglies tapes and see what the agents were saying backwards. once the mission was done, ofc

it took me like 5 minutes to figure out what sknaht meant the first time

SEE THIS MECHANIC IS GOOD BC NOW THERES NO PLEXIGLASS

WHY DOES NO ONE RUN INTO THE WALL

F L O O P  I S  G O D

love that dude

you discussed with the spy parents that juni watched the show. he just told you that you took his parents. you KNOW this is juni, why are you surprised that he watches it????? you already know!!!!!!

tbh i kinda want some of those colorful chains. they’d look cool somewhere

haha voice crack

no wonder your shows not doing well. those are awful times

why is there a sexy thumb nurse. why did floop make the thumb nurse sexy

use her first name?????? you’re clearly dating

!!!!!! THEY USED THE SAME TOOL MULTIPLE TIMES!!!!!! UNHEARD OF!!!!!!!

he cares so much about this show!!!!!! its so sweet!!!! love that dude

YEP THIS COAT IS BETTER, LOOKS A M A Z I N G IN A RUNNING SCENE

haha you killed carmen

ok this scene with the acid crayon is like my absolute favorite. something about using a crayon to escape and then floop (love that dude) opening the door a second later and then doing a double take. FAVE

wheres belize

ok so apparently its a country by mexico

no you CANT tell her you need to ESCAPE

we finally got a clean outside shot of the castle.... that place is wack

haha minion can’t sit in the hand chair correctly because hes STRAIGHT what a loser

hey juni HOW DO YOU DO THAT

minion you know what the robot costumes look like AND what juni looks like. dont be stupid

what..... what do you want carmen for, exactly, minion??????

floop is supportive of others’ art!!!!!!!!!!! love that dude

HE SAID “WHERE’S MOM AND DAD” LIKE THEY’RE HIS OWN PARENTS THAT’S SO C U T E

ALSO ANOTHER SCENE WITH THE GREAT RUNNING COAT

he says doppelganger beautifully

“its too late” that timing was BEAUTIFUL

you COULD take 500 brains out if you just TRIED HARDER. still love that dude

his control panel has buttons that spell “floop”

WHY CAN MINION TALK NORMAL

if its reversible why do you have it in later movies

carmen fights fake juni and juni fights fake carmen because they didnt have the fancy clone (?) technology

THREE TIMES!!!!!! THEY USED THE SAME TOOL T H R E E  T I M E S THIS HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!!

nice censorship

HOW DID MACHETE SMASH ONLY THE CLEAR WINDOWS AND A L L THE CLEAR WINDOWS THERE ARE NO MORE CLEAR WINDOWS!!!!!! ANYWHERE!!!!!

wow nice 3 buttons thats totally how you hack

oh look they have all died

oh. guess not :((

machete you better rip off your mustache

HES GOING TO JUNIS LEVEL TO TALK TO HIM!!!!!!! HE RUFFLED HIS HAIR!!!!!!!!! HES GONNA MAKE A GREAT DAD!!!!!!!

wow no shit ingrid

did he leave his wart bandaid on the kitchen counter?????

ALAN CUMMING!!!! ON A CEREAL BOX!!!!

ok CLEARLY other people watch floop’s show, he’s rated number 2. kids at the school are gonna recognize juni and carmen. they better get popular

is that george clooney

well that’s not how it works in spy kids 2. or 3. or 4. or the tv show

[loveladynonsense]

Im a bi male. Ive jerked off to every fetish at some point. I think of myself as v fluid when it comes to sex. But EVERYONE WANTS ME TO BE GAY. I never thought in my life a female partner of mine would judge me for jerking to straight porn. Am i the only one that feels like being placed in a little gay box? Like how do you LITERALLY come to tears at a bi male being attracted to tits and ass?? If i give the slightest interest in anything cis i get judged. They may not say anything but i FEEL it.

I’m combining this with another ask that I think is also from the same anon: “Im a bi male. I want to talk to my peers about their need for me to be gay. I feels like me not be 100 % gay is a problem to the point of offensive. I thought a lot about it and the best a can describe is they think im straight up lying? Our conversations feel like a maze where i cant really even tell their own opinions bcus they seem accepting one day then confused the next. I think they think im like a tourist?“

I’m a little unclear from your asks whether you are currently in a relationship with a woman or not. It seems you’re more concerned with the perception of your sexuality in general, though, so let’s focus on that.

Bi erasure is definitely a pervasive and problematic attitude. We literally grow up hearing about sexuality described as being on one “team” or the other. It basically goes with the attitude that heterosexuality is “ideal”, homosexuality is for those who absolutely cannot bear to be with people of their own sex so we’ll “tolerate” that they’re doing something else, and why the hell would anyone be bisexual when those people could just be straight and live a “normal” life? Even though attitudes in general are improving, people still tend to casually reject the identities of bisexual people, treating them either as straight people who are “experimenting” or “curious” or as gay people who are semi-closeted and in denial.

There’s not a lot that you can do to change that attitude on a wide scale, other than just being your beautiful bi self out in the world. But it sucks that it’s coming from friends and romantic partners. Let’s break it down a bit because it seems like you’re frustrated in multiple areas:

Female partners: This is where I was not completely clear on the situation you’re describing, but it sounds like you have/had a female partner who thought your male attraction was cute/sexy but (ironically) wasn’t so comfortable with your female attraction. This sounds like simple jealousy, where she felt like she was in competition with any woman you were attracted to. It’s got shades of biphobia too to be honest, like she thought it was a sexy little fetish when you were into men but didn’t see men as genuine competition for your affection. But I’d definitely need more info to really get into what’s going on there.

Friends are, obviously, another issue. It sounds like the friends you’re struggling with are mostly gay men? This is tough and I totally understand your feeling of them thinking you’re just a “tourist.” There’s a good chance they have entirely kind intentions…maybe they went through a journey of thinking they were straight (because it’s so ingrained into us as kids that we are, by default), then maybe thought they were bi for a time before realizing they were actually homosexual. But there’s a line between trying to relate to someone’s experience and just straight-up denying a person’s experience and pasting your own over it.

I would hope that simply telling them that you’re confident of your own identity and not open to debating it would shut down those frustrating remarks.

“I’m bisexual, and it offends me when you try to argue my own identity with me. I’m attracted to men but I’m also attracted to women and that’s not going to change.”

And for your own sanity, maybe actively seek out other bisexual people in your area for friendship and possible romance. Obviously you don’t HAVE to stick to other bi people for love and friendship, but having at least a few friends in the same boat might make you feel less like a square peg in a round hole. Just a thought.

Best of luck, my bi friend!

[vmprwtch]

             alec and pain *!

                      trigger warning: abuse

          alec has a lust and a love for pain. there’s a complicated relationship between pain and pleasure in his mind. he only likes being hurt by anyone he is engaged in sex with or anyone he has accepted into his circle of trust which is notoriously small. he also has a proclivity for abusive relationships, only semi-consciously. he does not necessarily prefer them in a way that romanticizes abuse. he is simply accustomed to abusive dynamics and has misguided concepts of what is abuse due to being a victim of abuse in a variety of ways. disclaimer: I am writing this as someone who has experience in the following issues and is speaking from that experience. I do not mean to represent anyone else’s similar experiences as we all go through things differently. I do not intend to romanticize any of the following material. it is merely fact about alec’s genuinely dangerous ways of thinking. 

alec believes everyone will hurt him eventually

              alec does not believe the best in people. he does not think there is any reason why people should be their best; he’s very agnostic and does not believe in any universal code of morality. however, he is simply conditioned to expect the worst of people. he is very much in agreement with hobbes that at their core humans are evil beings, animalistic and cruel. pain is to be expected at every turn. to kill is the only way to ensure one will never be hurt and so pain is a necessary part of life. its a nonissue.

alec sees himself as an object first and a person second

              since his transformation, alec has been a weapon first and foremost. his personality and his intellect are not the reason he was saved. he was not saved because it was the right thing to do. he was saved to be a weapon, a tool. he has always been a piece, an object. he does not question it. thats all he is. he is no longer a living breathing person. he died and was reborn as a dagger, something to be used for violence and wielded at the whims of the volturi masters. he believes he owes them and that he can only be safe or valued if he is their weapon. he has no other choice.

alec has grown accustomed to pain and sees it as a demonstration of passion and intense emotion, even positive emotions

              he was often harassed and beaten as a human and his life ended in utter torment. since then he has been feeling the burn of fire in his throat for 1200 years. his sns makes everything incredibly uncomfortable and he is simply used to living a life filled with carnage and bloodshed. pain is normal and it is in everything. if anything, he has noticed in the volturi and the world around him that when people care deeply they act out in violence and with intensity. when caius would get upset and wage wars or when aro would order an assassination for a scorned invitation to join the volturi, he was told they were simply very passionate and they cared too much. the world was a dangerous intense place and sometimes that passion manifested in violence. violence makes more sense than love; it is all he knows.

alec has an internal belief that regardless of his confidence or security, all people will see him as a monster and violence is a physical confirmation of this

              alec does not hate himself. however, he believes everyone else does. everyone has except for the volturi masters and even they frequently see him as a tool rather than a person. ever since his abuse at the hands of the villagers and his subsequent transformation into a literal monster, he has been a creature of darkness and abuse rejected by society. no one has been any different. by being hurt or assaulted, he is simply reassured. his anxiety and trauma convince him of their hate; the violence is a reassuring confirmation of that paranoia.

violence shocks him out of some symptoms of his mental disorders and his oversensitive sns 

              the shock of a slap or the distraction of a fight is reassuring because not only will it sharpen his sadness into rage but it also justifies the constant fight or flight reaction induced by his anxiety and that causes his sns. he essentially feels almost healthy when he is angry or involved in a physical fight because not only is the paralyzing sadness transformed but he also feels physically in tune. his adrenaline and panic is appropriate and comfortable for once.

his first sexual experiences (excluding those with women) were incredibly violent and unsafe due to the attitudes towards homosexual behavior at the time

              this is quite self explanatory. alec’s very early years/centuries were especially hard because not only were his thoughts heavily influenced by trauma and poor conditioning but the outside world rarely disagreed with him. they too saw him as a monster, a deviant and other such horrific derogatory things.

alec enjoys risk and the possibility of being seriously injured 

              the risk and danger once again make him feel healthier and fulfilled by justifying his fight or flight instinct, his physical discomfort, and his endless panic. its a satisfying link of mind and body. and with his penchant for self harm related behavior and self destruction, the possibility of being hurt is thrilling.

alec enjoys feeling overwhelmed and impassioned during sex in a battle of wills and bodies

              once more this relates to his need to get out of his own head and be overwhelmed by physicality. but it also plays to his generic kink for intensity, strength, passion, competition, etc. 

alec’s durability in supernatural verses has gifted him with a reckless abandon to indulge in the above instincts

              alec has no reason to really fear the outcome of any of the above dangerous behavior and often uses this as an excuse to engage in it. in his human verses this does not apply but it also does not stop him. he is always quite a reckless person when it comes to controlling urges related to his mental illness.

alec’s self imposed apathy leads him to crave intense waves of emotion

              alec’s apathy is part personality trait and part self imposed asceticism. he tries to contain and suppress his tumultuous emotions, choosing to repress his trauma and any chance of dealing with the, rather than turn it outwards or deal with it in a healthy manner. because he spends months at a time without emoting or laughing or truly feeling much more than mild emotion at most, he often finds himself in a very precarious situation when he is close to anxiety/panic attacks and his meltdowns. during these periods, he craves intense release of his emotions and energy to simply break free of his apathy and simply scream into the abyss that he cant be composed any longer.

alec finds the dominance of pain arousing

              this is quite straightforward. alec has a pain kink without any of the above trauma and conditioning. he always finds it arousing and unhealthily thinks it is a display of passion and strength.

abuse feels familiar to alec and he understands how to navigate abusive relationships better than healthy ones

              after the life he has led, abusive behavior and violence/cruelty feel familiar to alec. he can read and understand it infinitely better than love or selflessness. he has never truly been exposed to those in a pure and true form since his human life ended. it feels foreign and insincere and otherworldly to him. abusive relationships feel accessible and appropriate for him, something he not only prefers but also deserves.

alec often goes through bouts of depression where he believes he deserves the hurt

              a major component of alec’s depression is self image issues. he truly does believe he is a monster and an object and a pin cushion a majority of the times. in his eyes, he deserves that pain. he wants to hurt because his depression inspires self hatred in a very specific and unusual way where alec doesnt necessarily feel bad about being the way he is but believes and acknowledges that he is a terrible person deserving of violence and pain.

he is incredibly loyal but only is familiar with a manipulative sort of authority and therefore believes he owes his submission to those he is loyal to

              alec only knows the authority and power of the volturi which is often if not always very manipulative, abusive, and violent in nature. when he accepts people into his miniscule circle of trust, he has decided he will never not love them, that they are a fixed point of his world. and any figure of authority or love that he has chosen to obey will automatically reach a pedastal which allows them to treat him in a similarly abusive way. he only knows submission as a form of love and loyalty. it is natural for him and clearcut which his anxiety craves.

he would rather take all the pain in the world than see those he loves suffer an ounce of discomfort

              when alec actually loves someone he would gladly burn at the stake again than see them hurt. he will be a lightning rod for his loved ones. if those loved ones are the ones who decide to hurt him, he is also perfectly comfortable accepting it as a way for them to release anger or tension or for any other reason honestly.

alec excuses abuse and sometimes even believes he deserves it

               essentially, all the earlier points are evidence and explanation of this. the life alec has led has been fucked up and abusive and unhealthy. but its all he knows. its normal, commonplace. and he survived. thats a large component,. if he has already survived it, why should he care. he will be hurt anyway so as long as he isnt dying the pain is inescapable and inevitable. as stated, he often believes he deserves that pain as well. its his life and its natural. if he werent in pain he would be in heaven and he doesnt believe in heaven.

[pistvnthrophobia-blog]

1. When was the last time you swam in a pool? -like four weeks ago or smth 2. Do you like to party? -depends on the people attending to that party 3. If your ex suddenly kissed you right now, what would you do? -dont have an ex 4. Are you a virgin? -yas 5. What are your parents views on sex? -normal? 6. If you ran into your current boyfriend/crush in 10 years would you marry them? -I dont want to marry 7. Is your best friend dating anyone? -yeh 8. Describe the shirt you’re wearing. -black, like my soul 9. Do people who wear Hollister and Abrerbrombie every day bother you? -idc what kind of clothing line people wear 10. Could you go out in public without wearing make-up? -yeah 11. What is one feature that you don’t like? -cant choose 12. Would people describe you as happy? -no i guess 13. Are you single? -yes 14. Does it bother you that pretty much every survey you take asks if you’re single? -idk 15. Do you have Tumblr? -obviously 16. What about Xanga? -no 17. Have you ever babysat before? -no, I hate kids 18. Is there a teacher who you absolutely hate? -plenty 19. Ever shopped at Sephora? -nope 20. If your current boyfriend/crush suddenly moved away what would you do? -idk 21. Do you have any university plans? -i dont know what to do with my life 22. If your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do? -nothing? 23. What are your views on sex? -normal idk 24. Do sexual questions bother you? -no 25. Would you rather have sex with your boyfriend or break up? -If I had one I guess so 26. Have you ever dreamed about your wedding? -no 27. Does it bother you when people TYpe 1yk dis’? Nd stuff? -sometimes 28. Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook? -I dont have Facebook 29. Would you ever date a friends Ex? -if he/she is okay with that 30. What’s the last book you read? -cant remember 31. Ready for 10 simple questions? -ya 32. What is your last name? - . 33. What grade are you in? -10 34. What school do you go to? -a shit one 35. Summer, Fall, Winter or Spring? -fall & spring 36. Favorite Color? -black and grey 37. Are your parents together? -ya 38. Any siblings? -yeh 39. Favorite subject? -english 40. Least favorite subject? p.e. 41. Favorite song? -atm, silence speaks by while she sleeps 42. Okay. Simple questions are over. Happy? -idk 43. How many friends do you have on Facebook? -if i had fb, id have none 44. Ever been requested by some old guy from another country? -ya 45. Have you ever googled yourself? -yes 46. Have a Formspring? -what? 47. You’re offered free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert. What do you do? -wait until last minute and sell them four the doubled price 48. Would you rather spend the day at an amusement park or a water park? -neither 49. Been to Disney world? -no 50. If someone posts their status “9 Inches :(” do you know what they mean? -maybe 51. Ever had a boyfriend? -nope 52. Ever had a huge crush on someone who still doesn’t know? -yeh 53. Have you done something in the last week that you regret? -plenty of things 54. Ever drank alcohol? -yo 55. Know anyone who’s currently doing drugs? -yea 56. Ever watched The Hills? -no 57. What about Jersey Shore? -no 58. Ever called someone a slut? -no, hate that word 59. What do you think of short shorts? -idk normal 60. Does it bother you if people swear around you? -i swear a lot so no 61. Have you ever gotten an A in a subject? -yes 62. What about a B? -yes 63. And a C? -yes 64. How about a D? -yes 65. Ever plagiarised? -no 66. Would you consider yourself popular and outcast or somewhere in the middle? - the outcast everyboy hates 67. Are most of your friends older or younger than you? -older 68. Ever been stabbed In the back by a close friend? - quite often yea 69. Do you think it’s immature when people laugh at the number 69? -idk 70. Ever watched Porn? -yup 71. How many laws do you think you’ve broken in the past month? -idk 72. Do you wake up with an alarm clock? -yeah I have like ten 73. Do you prefer Wednesdays or Thursdays? -neither 74. If your school had a Glee Club would you join? -no 75. Ever performed in a talent show? -no 76. Have you ever cried in public? -yes 77. Do you have a favorite between your Mom and your Dad? -no 78. Would you audition for a reality talent competition? -no 79. How many celebrity crushes have you had? -too many 80. How many non-celebrity crushes have you had? - idk like none 81. Name 5 male celebrities who you think are attractive. -joseph morgan, ahren stringer, charlie weber, austin carlile and rick genest 82. Name 5 female celebrities who you think are attractive. - lynn gunn, taylor momsen, monami frost, hannah snowden and claire holt 83. Ever been compared to a celebrity? -no 84. Have any embarrassing pictures on Facebook? -no 85. Do you think spending 20$ on Lip Gloss is a waste of money? -depends 86. Ever used Opinionated? -what? 87. Do you have a favorite store? -no 88. Would you ever wear Flare Jeans? -what 89. Do you own jeans that aren’t skinny? -no 90. Have you ever worn the same outfit twice in one week? -ye 91. What’s the longest period of time you’ve been away from school? -like two weeks or smth 92. Do you google abbreviations you don’t understand? -maybe 93. Does it bother you when people have cats as their profile picture? -no 94. Own a pair of converse? -yes 95. Is there a teacher at your school who has obvious favorites? -yes 96. If yes, are you one of them? -no 97. Do you text in class? -sometimes 98. What brand of jeans do you wear the most? -only 99. At what point do you think sizes are “Plus Sized?” Most magazines say 10. Do you agree? -bullshit 100. Do you want to lose weight? -yew 101. Ever seen a therapist? -no 102. Ever watched porn? -yes 103. Ever purposely ignored a text? -yes 104. A facebook message? - . 105. A poke? -a what 106. A friend request? - yes 107. Would you say you read into things too much? -yea 108. Is your best friend more likely to be the one suggesting something stupid or refusing to do something stupid? -idk 109. Do you have a “fun friend?” (A friend who you have tons of fun with but you never really have deep conversations?) -idk maybe 110. Ever been called a bully? -no 111. Ever purposely hurt yourself? -yes 112. Ever gone to church? - yeah but only because i had to 113. Would you call either or your parents screw ups? -idk 114. If you turned out exactly like your Dad would you be pleased? -nope 115. What about your Mom? -nope 116. Let me guess… You have brown hair? -yas 117. Already know what you’re being for Halloween? -i hate halloween 118. Do you still go Trick or Treating? -nope 119. Ever liked someone WAY older than you? -idk maybe 120. Does it bother you when people have really loud conversations on the bus? -sometimes 121. When you have sunglasses on, do you stare at people? -no 122. Ever had a credit card denied? -no 123. What’s the last movie you watched? - a girl like her 124. Last TV Show? -prison break 125. You see your Ex making out with one of your friends. What do you do? -nothing 126. Ever been called a whore? -multiple times 127. Ever sang the national anthem? -yea 128. Ever made yourself throw up? -yea 129. Have you ever kissed someone who wasn’t your boyfriend. -never kissed anyone hahaha 130. Are you Cute or Gross? -gross 131. Does it bother you when people say “LOOK HOW MUCH YOU’VE GROWN!” -no 132. Can you say intelligent things around the guy you like? -idk 133. Ever had the lead in a play? -no 134. What about a solo in a concert? -no 135. What kind of a student are you? -a bad one 136. Worst grade you’ve ever gotten with a Letter? -what 137. Worst grade you’ve ever gotten with a number? -six 138. Ever had a crush on a teacher? -no 139. Would it bother you if you found out that your mother was pregnant? -yes 140. How late do you sleep in? - I dont sleep 141. Do you edit your profile pictures before posting them? -sometimes 142. Be 100% honest. Do you have any friends who are uglier than you? -I dont have any friends hahaha 143. Do you believe in all that inner beauty crap? -yea why not 144. Would you consider yourself a good student? -no way 145. Does it bother you when Surveys ask “Did you like this survey?” -maybe 146. Salty, Sweet, Sour or Spicy? -all 147. Are you going into High School this year? - . 148. What about Junior High? - . 149. What is one thing someone could say to you right now that would make you cry? - “i love you” 150. Where did you find this note? - @moonxshots tagged me 151. Last question. How many unread messages are in your phone? - a couple

so thats it i tag everyone who is reading this right now

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS - CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: 9th December 2018

Geez, today was a busy week. Before we talk about the top 10, however, let’s just get the massive elephants out of the way.

CHRISTMAS NONSENSE

It’s the festive season and one way people celebrate the holidays is by listening to its music – usually, Christmas music, of course, and since I review all returning entries that I haven’t talked about yet, sigh... There are seven of these so I’m going to go as quick as possible, but just bear with me throughout this section because I really don’t like Christmas music all that much. Let’s just get it over with.

#39 – “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” – Brenda Lee

This is “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, a song written by Johnny Marks and released in 1958 in the US, being left on the shelf for four years until its release in the UK in 1962. In 1963, it peaked at number-six and has since re-entered due to digital downloads, with one of its highest recent peaks being number-seven last year. It’s pretty inoffensive rockabilly, with some nice very-50s guitar licks coming in throughout, and some decently-sounding production, but really it’s not anything of internet until that sax solo. That solo is freaking gorgeous, and I’m glad it’s there, because otherwise this would just kind of fall to the wayside. Not sure I like Lee’s voice on here, it comes off as a bit nasal, but it’s not a big deal. It’s alright, I guess. I expected to say RIP here since she was popular such a long time ago, but no, she’s still alive and kicking. Good for her.

#36 – “Merry Christmas Everyone” – Shakin’ Stevens

Now this is where it all breaks down into dread. This song by Shakin’ Stevens is Godawful, mostly because of how painfully manufactured the whole thing is. It’s overproduced Christmas music that is just jolly feelings and nothing else. Those horns that kick in after the first verse are pretty cool, but Stevens doesn’t sound great here – or at least I can’t tell because he’s drowned in reverb – and the choir might as well be a computer for all I care. Also, the sax solo was cool the first time in Brenda Lee’s track, but here it’s just trite, especially when you add those shooby-doo-wops over it. This track was initially the Christmas number-one for 1985, and I understand why, but does it really have to come back every year since 2007 – for over 60 weeks in total? Oh, it peaked last year at #10 too. Let’s hope this upwards trend doesn’t continue.

#35 – “Santa Tell Me” – Ariana Grande

Now for a more recent one from arguably the biggest popstar in the world right now, with her 2014 song that actually failed to chart in the Top 40 initially until last year at #29, and that’s its peak so far... whilst I’ve never been a fan of the cleaner, refined Ariana Grande records, I do have a soft spot for this one. That melody is infectious and the sleigh bells complement the synth bass in a way I didn’t think they would, and it’s not like the drums are all that overpowering here, although a trap skitter would have worked better here (yeah, I know, not something I say often). It’s surprisingly romantic and sensual for a song with Santa in the title, actually, although it’s about men who have wronged her. Anyway, Ariana kills it but what else do you expect from a song from her at this point? It’s a good track, although the final chorus with the choir is really cluttered, just saying, it’s messy.

#30 – “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” – Michael Bublé

This here is Michael Bublé’s cover of traditional Christmas classic written in 1951 by Meredith Wilson, and it’s not great. Obviously, I mean, it’s Michael Bublé, ever since “Haven’t Met You Yet” he’s been utterly useless seasonal radio fodder. Bublé never really sounds bad but he never sounds interesting, and this production isn’t doing him any favours. It’s sickly sweet strings and brass for the most part, with some piano added in there for good measure, after what seems to be way too long of just airy synth, string and guitar noise – that’s really out of place, guys, why is this on the single edit? Ah, what else to say? Oh, right, nothing.

#26 – “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” – Band Aid

Oh, I know it’s Christmas time, alright, this song won’t let me forget it. I could ramble on about how preachy and awful this charity single is but other people have done it better. I just have four short things to say – 1.) this was the most popular song in the UK of the entire 80s. Yikes. 2.) This is the worst thing the Boomtown Rats have had any involvement in. They’re such a great band, hell so are Culture Club. How do Boy George, the Boomtown Rats, Ultravox, Phil Collins, U2, Kool & the Gang, Sting and Duran Duran make something this awful? They’re all absolutely fantastic musicians in their own right. 3.) That synth that kicks in after a while is pretty ugly, not gonna lie, and is unfitting for the condescending Christmas charity single angle they’re going for here – mostly because that’s what it really is. 4.) We’ve remade and reissued and re-entered this song too many times. Let it go, Britain. Please. We’re begging you. It’s for a good cause, and I appreciate how much money it’s raised, but it’s also garbage.

#18 – “Fairytale of New York” – The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl

They use the word because it was the 80s, it’s not meant to mean homosexual and it’s not used in that context – albeit still a negative one – and the climate of Ireland, especially the Celtic punk scene, wasn’t exactly going to care about dropping that slur in their Christmas single. It should still be censored, though, I mean, black rappers saying the N-word is morally okay, but we still mute those, right? Anyway, this is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard. It starts with a beautifully elegant piano melody, with the lead singer of the Pogues, Shane MacGowan, mumbling his way through his verse, but instead of people like Future or Lil Baby, there’s still a lot of sincerity there, I feel, and a lot of soul is put into expressing the lyrics here in the raspy tone that I absolutely love. I’m not going to talk much about the story here mostly because I’m not going to go in-depth, but it’s about a typical love story going awry at some point due to a betrayal. Oh, and the moment the Celtic traditional instruments come in is one of the best moments in music – ever. Kirsty MacColl sounds so lovely here, and the harmonisations in the chorus are fantastic. That flute solo is gorgeous, and the juxtaposition between “you’re a bum, you’re a punk, you’re an old s--- on junk, lying there almost dead as a drip on that bed” and the cheerful instrumental is just hilarious to me, especially since right after “Happy Christmas your a---, I thank God it’s our last” is immediately followed by the bombastic drunk sing-a-long chorus. The third verse is also such a great back-and-forth, man, I can’t even bring to words how much I admire and adore this piece of music. This is the best song I think I’ve ever talked about on this show, by far, but it could have easily not been close if “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders returned this week. We’ll just hope for next week, I guess. Rest in peace to Kirsty MacColl, gone much too young.

#14 – “Last Christmas” – WHAM!

Finally, we have our last Christmas song for this week’s holiday REVIEWING THE CHARTS special. It’s an anti-climactic end, to be honest, because I’m pretty indifferent to this song. It’s pretty 80s, to be fair, so I’ve got to like some of the cheesy falsetto vocalisations from the late George Michael at the start, as well as those repetitive synths that keep themselves from sounding awful by having those sleigh bells and pretty damn nice keys covering them. That chorus is iconic, but the rest of the lyrics are just forgettable. Honestly, it’s a good background song and it’s a well-written, catchy pop track with Michael putting in some good vocals throughout, but, it’s nothing special. Nothing but respect to George Michael, though, rest in peace, he’s a pop legend over here.

Christmas Conclusion

The best Christmas song on the charts right now is easily “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, but an Honourable Mention goes to Mariah Carey for “All I Want for Christmas is You”. Yup, that’s still here, we’ll get to that in a second. Worst of the Week goes to Band Aid for “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” You should be ashamed, Bob. Dishonourable Mention is going to Shakin’ Stevens for “Merry Christmas Everyone”. Other Christmas songs you should check out are “Christmas in Harlem” by Kanye West, Teyana Taylor and CyHi tha Prynce featuring Musiq Soulchild (heck, check out the longer version if you wish), “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders, “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” by Tyler, the Creator and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” by DMX. Yes, those last two actually exist. Now, this Christmas section has taken longer and is longer to read than about half of my normal episodes, so I think we should get straight into...

Top 10

Well, this all feels a bit more familiar. “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande is still at the top of the charts five weeks in, and it doesn’t really seem to have much competition.

Ava Max, however, is making a surprise run for the top, up four spots to number-two, with “Sweet but Psycho”. I wouldn’t exactly be complaining if this hit the top either.

“Without Me” by Halsey is up a spot to number-three.

We have a new entry from the most recent X Factor winner, Dalton Harris, with a cover of Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Christmas classic “The Power of Love”, featuring James Arthur. I guess awful Christmas songs aren’t going away for that long, huh? Obviously this is Dalton’s first top 10, and Arthur’s fifth.

“Thursday” by Jess Glynne is down two spaces to number-three.

Up a whopping 28 spaces this week to number-six is, you guessed it, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You”. This isn’t its first top 10 turn, and it’s not its peak, but still impressive to reach here nonetheless.

This means “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj is down five spaces to number-seven.

“Rewrite the Stars” by James Arthur and Anne-Marie has actually gained nine spaces, surprisingly, and to my dismay, to number-eight, becoming Arthur’s sixth and Anne-Marie’s fifth.

Oh, and if you wanted even worse news, up an even larger 29 spaces is “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez, becoming both their first (and hopefully for 6ix9ine, only) top 10 hit at number-nine. I like the song, but I don’t like Tekashi, to say the least.

We have another new entry at #10 this week with “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus. This is Ronson’s sixth top 10 hit and Cyrus’ fourth (yeah, I thought she had more too).

Now, instead of separating what happened on the charts into Dropouts, Climbers, Returning Entries, Fallers and such, let’s separate into two sections: “What Survived” and “What Suffered”.

What Survived

What survived means essentially everything that still managed to chart this week, and I’m actually surprised by how much power some of these songs have. Going in reverse order, I have no idea how “Arms Around You” by XXXTENTACION, Lil Pump, Swae Lee and Maluma managed to cling on despite a 17-space fall to #40. “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith is down 16 to #38, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is down four to #37, “Empty Space” by James Arthur is down 10 to #34 (why did James Arthur of all people have the strength to stay during the avalanche?), “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra is down eight to #33, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper is down 27 to #32 (considering both streaming cuts and Christmas bloodbath), “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker has returned to #31 for some reason, “when the party’s over” by Billie Eilish is down seven to #28 (again, surprised this one’s still here), “Taki Taki” by DJ Snake, Ozuna, Cardi B and Selena Gomez is down eight to #27, “1999” by Charli XCX and Troye Sivan is down 11 to #24, “Polaroid” by James Blue, Liam Payne and Lennon Stella is down 11 to #23, “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is down eight to #22, “Better” by Khalid is down five to #20, “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee is down seven to #16, as is “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Travis Scott and Offset right next to it at #15, “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is down five to #12, and everything else that’s currently charting is either simply not notable (a drop or climb less than four spaces), in the top 10, a new arrival, a Christmas re-entry or in the top 10. Jesus. Now, what’s gone?

What Suffered

This is a little nicer name for what’s dropped out in the absolute onslaught of Christmas music and new arrivals (all returning and new entries this week total to 12 songs that weren’t on the chart before). This week was an absolute bloodbath, and these are the murder victims. Former #1 “Shotgun” by George Ezra is out from #30, “Advice” by Cadet and Deno Driz is out from #28, “AirForce” by Digdat is out from the #20 debut, “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes is out prematurely from #27, “This is Me” by Keala Settle and the Greatest Showman Ensemble is out again from #36, another former #1 “Eastside” by benny blanco, Halsey and Khalid is out from #31, “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille is out from #32, “I Found You” by benny blanco and Calvin Harris is out from #29, “MIA” by Bad Bunny featuring Drake is out from #35, “Always Remember Us this Way” by Lady Gaga is out from #39, “Goodbye” by Jason Derulo and David Guetta featuring Nicki Minaj and Willy William is out from #40 and finally, “Back and Forth” by MK, Jonas Blue and Becky Hill is out from #37. I’d say it’s time to move onto the New Arrivals – but before, I’d like to say that the BBC redesigned their UK Top 40 page, and it looks pretty cool. Anyways:

NEW ARRIVALS

#29 – “MAMA” – 6ix9ine featuring Kanye West and Nicki Minaj

Of course, DUMMY BOY only had a stunted tracking week last week, so we have the effects of the album this week. This is 6ix9ine’s third top 40 hit in the UK, Nicki Minaj’s thirty-seventh (yeah, I know, it’s insane), and Ye’s even crazier forty-third, and to be honest, it’s inoffensive, which is something I’d never thought I’d say about a 6ix9ine song, but, hey, it is what it is. Murda Beatz’s production is pretty cool for what it is, and I do like the eerie synth loop. 6ix9ine’s delivery is lazy and boring – and I still think we shouldn’t let rappers say they kick women out of doors – but he doesn’t last long so when Kanye comes in with that “man, oh my God” refrain it gets so much better. I’m so used to Kanye West’s pop-culture rambling, social media criticism/obsession, somehow relating to women nonsense he brings to nearly every single verse he does recently that I’m used to it, it’s just something I’ve heard before delivered relatively comedically. Nicki’s refrain and verse actually has some work put into it, unlike the dudes’ bars, so yeah, I appreciate that, although her delivery and cadence is exhaustingly blunt and straightforward, to the point where it’s just kind of tiring. There’s some decent wordplay there, I guess. This is okay enough, and pretty much top-tier Tekashi to be honest. “KANGA” also featuring Ye is even better, though.

#17 – “Going Bad” – Meek Mill featuring Drake

Meek Mill and Drake working together is something I expected to happen anyway. Meek and Drake have seemingly squashed their beef and have relaxed after the “Back to Back” situation and their popular 2015/2016 beef that revealed a lot about Drake, specifically his ghostwriting from Quentin Miller, and eventually stressed Meek’s relationship with Nicki enough for them to break up as a result. Oh, and you better believe they mention “back to back” because of course they do, it’s the only funny wordplay they can conjure up, apparently. This is Meek Mill’s first ever top 40 hit in the UK (congratulations) and in stark contrast, Drake’s forty-fifth (yes, even more than Kanye), and his thirteenth just this year (probably and hopefully his last), and it’s mediocre. I didn’t know what to expect because I’ve never really cared enough about Meek to listen to him, but an out-of-tune piano absolutely demolished by some bass while Drake spouts off with stuff like “I got more slaps than the Beatles” isn’t exactly the best first impression. Is there a chorus here, or not? I can’t tell, everything’s just kind of the same until the ad-lib break that’s long enough for Genius to count it as an entirely different section of the song than in Meek’s verse. It was “Interlude” when I looked but it might be “Post-Chorus” now. Yeah, it should be clear I don’t care enough about this song. I do like Drake’s delivery in the hook, though, it’s pretty energetic, but not enough to save it.

#10 – “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” – Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus

So, yeah, I like this. It starts with some beautiful strings right before Miley Cyrus fades in with her country twang that I’m starting to really appreciate, and those guitars come in to complement her and the deeper bass that I like the addition of, it really contrasts the otherwise pretty light production, that seems to be dramatic but kind of unfitting for the lyrical content about how the world can hurt you but heartbreak is the worst possible thing, because despite the beat’s melodrama it’s too upbeat to really work here, I feel. Ah, well, the hook is pretty memorable, and the orchestral stings is just one little barely-noticeable production quirk that I can talk about, seriously, Mark Ronson puts so much effort into crafting these songs over the years, it’s pretty great. It may be a bit too repetitive and slow for my taste, but, yeah, I can dig this. Good song, just not much to say about it.

#4 – “The Power of Love” – Dalton Harris featuring James Arthur

The girl gets Leona Lewis, the Scouse dude gets Kaiser Chiefs, yet the WINNER gets James Arthur?! Really, James Arthur? Poor dude. You must know you’re an amazingly talented singer when you get James Arthur put on your song and you still make a surprisingly decent winner’s single, hell, even win in the first place. Arthur is such an awful vacuum of talent, I was scared Harris would be affected by this but no, even with my half-bothering with the show this year I can tell he’s been consistently great, and he’s definitely not bad on here either, although the production has no unique charm to it and is just plastic Syco production as you expect, with James Arthur bringing an above-average performance (this means still pretty bad) with his moaning and straining that just pains me to listen to. Seriously, James, let’s have a cactus-to-man talk and let me teach you how to not sound like my dead cat who just popped some Xanax.

Conclusion

Worst of the Week goes to Dalton Harris and James Arthur for “The Power of Love” – at least “Going Bad” has some energy and legitimate soul to it, although Meek Mill and Drake still get Dishonourable Mention. Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus take Best of the Week home for “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart”, and hell Kanye and Nicki made “MAMA” bearable enough for them and 6ix9ine to get Honourable Mentions. See ya next week, where we’ll probably see a few more Christmas songs. Delightful.