#why can't it be cancer or some shit
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Hey! I love your works, thanks for sharing them! Your stuff is some of my favorites in the fandom!
I just wanted to ask your opinion on how Malenia and Miquella (from FoR and your characterization of them specifically) would view Millicent. How do you think they'd interact with her? Would they avoid her? What would that mean for their own relationship? Etc etc.
Just asking because I think your take on Malenia and Miquella is so interesting to play around with.
Thanks! Your stuff is awesome!!
Wah, anon this is such a sweet message, I'm always humbled to hear people like my works and my characterizations! Thank you so much 🥺💕
I'm so sorry this is so long but as I'm sure you can imagine, I have Many Thoughts about Malenia lol.
I've actually thought quite a lot about Millicent and her sisters and I think, first and foremost, that she doesn't know about them at all. I think after her bloom and being carried back to the roots of the Haligtree that she's basically been in a pseudo-coma as the rot progresses now that she's needle-less, so she might know about the kindred of rot but not Millicent or her sisters.
With Malenia, I really focus on her lack of autonomy as a character throughout the most formative years of her life and the trauma that undoubtedly came with it, where she is burdened with the rot which would have effectively ostracized her from most people except Miquella (because of his immunity to the rot). This is also in addition to her being named as an Empyrean and already having her fate decided for her. So the nature by which Millicent and her sisters came to be, after her bloom and presumably like offshoots or cuttings from plants, they'd be another blow against her autonomy because she didn't have a say in their creation (implied by Gowry raising them and her rejection of the kindred of rot).
Specifically with Millicent, I imagine Malenia would see a lot of herself in her, and I think she would harbor a deep resentment because of that - not because she'd dislike Millicent, but because Millicent would be a reflection of her younger self. Someone who is spawned from her, consequently cursed BY her, to suffer the same hardships. Millicent is the same as younger Malenia, which consequently forces Malenia into the role of the Outer Rot God in their dynamic - unwittingly having taken on the role of the thing she hates. If Malenia had embraced the rot like Romina, I think it would be different, but every time she accepts it, it's when she's at the end of her rope with no choices left and she's essentially resigned herself to death.
This might sound harsh, but it's also why I love her as a character - I believe Malenia is ultimately deeply selfish in her actions where Miquella is concerned (and vice versa ignoring all the DLC). She's sworn herself to his cause, has proven herself willing to die for him, to go to war for him, to commit countless atrocities in his name and inflict the very thing she despises - the curse that has caused her so much misery - on countless others. For him. But! In a twisted way, it's also for herself! Because for once, this is HER choice. She decided to take on the title of his blade and devote herself to him. No matter the ask, no matter the cost.
Miquella, who knows Malenia better than anyone and has been by her side throughout the worst of it, knows all of this. I believe he would be sympathetic to Millicent and her sisters (also seeing a younger Malenia in them) but I suspect that while he would also try to help them in secret, he'd be (selfishly) keeping them away from Malenia so that she wouldn't have to deal with all the trauma I mentioned above. He might feel some guilt about it, but with how I write him in FoR, he's always willing to harbor some secrets if he believes it's in Malenia's best interest. He wants to save her, to give her back the life she's been denied - a life free of her rot and any burdens. And that would mean a life without five magically spawned new dependents whose existence would be inflicting constant psychic damage on Malenia and that she'd feel responsible for.
In a timeline where the twins are far less codependent, and where they're not both so focused on Miquella's ambitions to cure Malenia of her rot and revolutionize the world, maybe Malenia is able to take the time to heal and make peace with herself. In that timeline, maybe Millicent would serve to be a positive and healing influence on her.
#Cinder answers#Cinder fics#Kinda - because this is specifically answered for my FoR characterization of Malenia and Miquella#(speaking of which ch 20 later tonight maybe? If I can get my shit together and finish editing)#Tysm for the ask anon! This truly made my morning 🥺 💕💕💕💕#I enjoyed thinking more about this and writing it out since it won't come into play in FoR or any other fics I have planned for them#I know a lot of people in fandom think she'd be a good mom to Millicent & co but I think it's the opposite and that she'd be horrible at it#To me she'd probably react in a similar way to women who suffer from PPD#And the act of unwillingly becoming a mother would be deeply traumatizing for her#(in my reading of her character at least)#Imo you can't give a character terminal fantasy super cancer that's also a virus and infects everyone around her from prolonged contact#That leads to the rotting and decay of her body as a CHILD who is then forced to go through amputation to try and stop it#the same child who is also given a title that says she can be the next God but yet for some reason is rotting away#Oh and also can't die bc God locked Death away so she's basically in the Super Torment Nexus cursed to Rot Away Into Nothingness Forever#And not have them be DEEPLY Unwell and Traumatized by the experience#(side note I never understood why it's so popular in fanon they'd let her limbs just??? Rot??? Off??? Like.. We know they have Perfumers)#(and we know they loved hacking off the evil curse of Omen horns so why would they not try hacking off the evil curse of Rot???)
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50 Shades Of The Worst Shelter Expansion Pack I Have EVER Played
First of all, I'm here
Then there is drugs, like the deadly kind not the pot and a cigarette kind,
Then there is wondering if my meal is going to taste like wray n nephew infused rice, lemon wood shine infused pasta, spoiled stew, butter chicken and naan break -- excellent, some of the salmon ones --- excellent, fried chicken --- excellent, jerk chicken --- excellent, "its pasta with chicken" No son, thats pasta with TOFU. and then I'm here like, ok
Then it's fish with christmas rice crispies breading with some sour nerds in it, so I'm like "I'll just take a bag of crackers"
Then we have someone playing some crazy rap screamo at 7:30am in the morning, thinking were all gonna go
SOMEONE FIRE THE DJ. (Jack you always play a good set. Also, there is another young guy there that has good tunes and fine times)
Then sometimes there is cake, and we remember I need mine in a cup because my hands literally just start to drop and throw shit, but again c a k e and they all get a face like this
Then some guy asks if I have meth and puts his hands on my mittens
Then it's not even 9am on a Sunday and I haven't even got Tim Hortons yet, having to tell the bus driver the bus needs an exposure wipe -- (ear shit is coming out white on my black coat)
My dogs are barking, the cops are waiting, cars driving by are wondering because I go straight to cussing in patois
Naturally I assume Scarberia Paintball Party position and wait
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d75d3eda95a9e14c5f28b335e16737ea/f4c32a5f113bc872-f7/s540x810/90f365ff2ebad27f18db84f5195b8408c53ab219.jpg)
"Did YOU expose my baby to bad drugs today?"
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8ed735d07cc59fc9b611f71726691425/f4c32a5f113bc872-82/s540x810/5508b14979195719c79571970e8eb00cf6104f19.webp)
"The dog keeps blaring on the horn and I don't even have a dog on me"
Yeah, bet.
------------------------------------ Then I bus up to 401 and Divison St to sit outside of McDonalds, somewhere between 401 on one side, the train tracks on the other, the megatron building to remind me how fucked transformers one went,
Also praying it doesn't rain dump water on me --- usually that only happens when I have money to shop at no frills so naturally I'm like this at all times.....
Pick a fucking side, it nah matter because its a sure thing either way
And then I get back and see another human being I love and I wonder how I'm supposed to balance funeral expenses for my family, notification for my family, the absolute garbage people that have showed up in the past, the people in their paths here in Kingston with the same malice and I just....
And sometimes I just look at the cameras like this because it gets so lonely as a noot noot penguin x mumble penguin mash up woman.
Then I see a problem as I going through a number of phases and directions,
Both these faces in disbelief,
And "wow you look and sound like chaotic, gotta go"
And essentially I just wrap it up like "fuck it, if I die I die"
Waiting for the transport and my honking dog or the paint ball party crew to pull up and rescue me from this hell
There's more. There's always more. I'll leave it at the paintball party pon me for now. (Cheat codes uploaded to facebook a few weeks back. Re: Search and Rescue Paintball Party with ass plate receipts & diagrams)
#orbit#notes at myself#kingston#kingston ontario#shelter life expansion pack#1/10 would not recommend#toronto who dis#scarberia who dis#homeless shit 101#this is too much#dude i have cancer#pot and a tib rip i'm set#toronto#ytz#YGK#YYZ#Send resources#send some darts#i dont even fuckin play pool#this is why we can't have nice things
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i just think it's so unfair that when i left high school my entire support system was gone overnight and i was just expected to get on with it with no help and because i wasn't diagnosed back then no one believed me or accommodated for me or cared, so i had to postpone my degree for two years and watch all my friends graduate without me and move to different cities and i went from being a straight a student who never had to study in their life to barely scraping the minimum grades and never showing up to class because i had convinced myself i was too stupid and slow to ever get my degree because i wasn't getting any of the support i kept asking for and was expected to read and listen to lectures without any help and keep up with everyone else when none of my support needs were being met. and now after trying for five years to find a way to get the degree i always wanted my uni have told me they're not going to let me do it anymore because of one module requirement that i missed because i was in hospital against my own choice. and even after i said i would use the entirety of my savings which i specifically worked for so that i could have a safety net for my studies to pay for the extra year required to get the module they need they've still said no. even though there's a bunch of spare places on the course and it wouldn't impact my timetable at all. even though i got As in every assignment i did for that course compared the the Bs and Cs i used to get in every other subject. even when i told them that i can't keep doing a science based humanities subject because i have dyscalculia and it's literally impossible for me to get through a single sentence of reading on my own, compared to the module i want to do where my lecturer literally bought me extra course textbooks with his own money because i finished everything else on the reading list in my own time and he said he was impressed with the work i sent him. i told them that me and my brother are the first in my family to go to uni, and how neither of my parents finished school or have any qualifications, and i never though in a million years i would ever get to have a degree and i've had everything stacked against me because their uni is 99% rich able bodied neurotypicals and i'm so close to graduating even though i had no support at all for the first four years. and they still don't care. they can't even give me a reason as to why they won't let me get the degree i want. they just keep saying 'we're not in a position to let you do the extra module' over and over again and i don't even understand what they mean. i'm going to pay for it myself. they have spare spaces on the course. i don't understand what else i can do to make them listen. they talk so much about diversity and accessibility yet every other poor and disabled person i talk to (and there's barely fucking any at this uni because they don't want us to be there) has been through similar experiences and had opportunities taken away from them because they were too unwell to attend one single fucking class. i don't know what to do but i've been here way too long and tried way too hard to drop out now. but i also can't bear to not to the degree i've always dreamed of. i don't want to do anything else
#this is what triggered my whole episode last week or whenever it was i tried to off myself#i've been ignoring it since then so that i can become sane again but#it's been stuck in my brain the whole time and i don't know what to do about it#i can't accept it and move on because i don't understand why it's happening and i don't think it's fair#but idk what to do and i don't want to kick up a fuss or act like i'm being like victimised or some shit#it's just. i only missed that module because i was literally on a drip and almost had to get a blood transfusion#it wasn't like i couldn't be arsed to show up. i was really sick and it was also when i found out my dad had cancer again idk#even if i'd had it in me to show up to classes i wouldn't have taken anything in or passed my assignments#and i told them that and they said it was fine#if they'd told me it would mean i wouldn't get my degree i would've done something about it#idk what i could've done but i would've done something
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listening to my parents talk about me is so fucking funny. "she's dealt with us for so long that at this point she's done. she's mentally checked out from having to give a shit about anyone. can you believe how corruptible she is just because she's almost an adult and she thinks that we're not her problem anymore?"
like man you are literally so close. so fucking close.
#no it's not that ive dealt with everyone for my whole life and now im selfish and dont want to give a shit about anyone anymore#its that ive dealt with everyone my entire life ive been an emotional support pillar ive been rotting in this toxic dysfunctional household#ive been a third parent ive stepped in for my dad when he spontaneously decides to be a deadbeat ive supported my mom without fail#whenever shes needed it for years. ive dealt with everyones fits of mania & psychosis & breakdowns & chronic pain & depressive episodes#ive had my mental illness trivialized and belitted and downplayed. im exhausted and traumatized and so fucking burned out#of course it looks like ive given up on everyone from the outside because im struggling !! im struggling mentally and emotionally#and its spilling out in all the wrong ways and they just see it as me letting my anger ruin my character and everyone else around me#they dont care if theres something wrong with me even though im throwing out signs and cries for help literally wherever i can#they just care that theyre affected by it and inconvenienced by my deteriorating mental condition#they think this mentally ill freak is just what i am at this point and they cant stop emotionally blackmailing me#by reminiscing about how i used to be so kind and optimistic. i wish they would just fucking see me for once#ive played the role of the good emotional support eldest daughter my entire life. why didnt they think it would blow up at some point#and when i have tried opening up in moments of severe emotional vulnerability they just throw it back in my face later on#while simultaneously telling me i just need to change my outlook on life because im still young and cant define myself by childish problems#mom you are depressed and anxious you should recognize it better than anyone. you should be able to see it for what it is#instead of telling me to go spend a week volunteering at a cancer hospital so i can go see what real problems exist for people in the world#and what other people are going through and maybe ill come out with a new appreciation for life#mom just bc people are dying of cancer doesnt mean i can't be depressed just bc other people have it worse doesnt mean i cant have it bad#im so fucking tired!#3 am vent post yippee i am going to regret oversharing on the internet so badly when i wake up tmrw
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#when you and your brother have the same therapist and he apparently told your family weeks ago that your therapist has cancer except#you definitely weren't there and now you've been going to sessions for weeks not asking how she is and probably seeming like a selfish dick#and you don't know what to do bc what the fuck are you supposed to say to your therapist when she has cancer??? should you say anything#because she told your brother but she didn't tell you so maybe she doesn't want you to know or maybe she assumes you know and never brought#it up and WHAT THE FUCK i feel so shitty i just spent the entire session complaining about how stressed i am and look i am stressed i can#barely sleep but i just got out of the session and my mom was like did you ask her how she is and i was like why and she was like??#she has breast cancer??? you didn't even ask her how she was???? bc for some reason my mom thinks i knew about it and now i just don't know#what to do. i'm supposed to meet up with my friends and hang out before we go back to school and now idk if i can bc MY THERAPIST HAS FUCKIN#G CANCER AND NOBODY YOLD ME SHE IS FUCKING DYING AND I DIDNT KNOW i can't go back to school there's too many things happening right now#i have to get so much shit done today and idk how to do anything right now#shut up hanna
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I feel like if you're using a lot of disposable plastic bags in your day to day life, you've gotta do something sustainable to make up for it. Like using bamboo toilet paper or eco friendly cat litter or something, yknow
Honestly I exaggerate for comedic effect, while I DO routinely use ziplock bags to hold spaghetti I cook maybe once a month and the bag itself is usually for freezer storage. I actually throw out maybe one bag a week? I DO hate washing plates and tupperware and junk but that usually just means I eat sandwiches without a plate.
I agree though that needless waste should be avoided, and I do avoid it- biodegradable bags and recyclables, empty butter tubs used to store leftovers, etc.
This said, though, not applicable necessarily for myself but for a lot of others- I feel that it's importat to remember that there are many people who legitimately NEED things like plastic straws, or catheters, or pre-packaged foods
And the idea that that's a moral failing that individuals need to personally make up for when a single billionaire blows out more CO2 in a long weekend than I will in my whole life on a superjet meet-cute in the Bolivian rainforest between humvee drag races funded by the river-polluting textiles plants they planted in a third world country to avoid EPA laws and give an entire village stillbirths and stomach cancer is an idea that those very same bigwigs have spent a LOT of time and money investing in planting in the public psyche.
Like- Glass bottles are infinitely recyclable, so why are so many drinks in plastic now? Loads of drinks manufacturers used to buy them back and clean them for re-use, so why did they stop? If they chose to make something out of a limited and environmentally irresponsible material, why is it my failing to track down a correct process of disposal for them? What if there are none in my area? Do I lobby for more recycling plants in my area? Do I set aside some of my limited time outside the pain factory of my job- which I have more than one of, thanks to rising costs of things just like that drink I just emptied- to properly dispose of this company's waste FOR them?
Say coca-cola just rolled up to your town and started dumping millions of empty plastic bottles in the street, going, "wow, you should really think about building and staffing a recycling depot, it would be really shameful of you to just put these in the trash." When companies purposefully use materials with limited lifespans- because yes, even plastic can only be reused so many times- and tell you it's your own fault if it harms the environment- that's essentially what they're doing, just with more steps.
Yes, its important to be as environmentally concious as we can in our day to day life, but responsible sustainability is not catholicism. We don't get good boy points from our lord and savior Captain Planet every time the average low-income household gathers together to hold hands and repent for a single-use plastic that allows them to access something they need.
Entire families could eat trees and shit dead lithium batteries for years and still not do as much damage to the planet as an average dye plant or braindead celebrity does in a week just for fun, and I'm mad about it
...this went on longer than intended.
TL/DR: DO recycle and minimize waste, but don't beat yourself up over the little waste you can't avoid, and follow the money.
EDIT: Part 2
#I swear to god if any one of you in the notes calls me terminally online or pretends I'm saying you can just dump bags in the ocean#Yes definitely do your best to live sustainably#But also#You personally are not killing pandas#Unless you are in which case please stop#We put too much money into pandas but let them go in peace#Go do some yoga#Sorry if this is a lot but I have a friend with OCD who has legit panic attacks over stuff like this#Like they have to throw out a ripped plastic grocery bag they've had for six years instead of using it to weave yard furniture or smthn#And they'd go into a spiral about killing the planet#So like#I have strong feelings now
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{ Just found out my grandma (dad’s mom) has bone cancer and we don’t know what stage it is or for how long she’s had it. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel right now because this is the second time cancer has been involved with a grandparents in my life. First it was my papa (mom’s dad) and now my grandma. }
#{ I don't understand why this has to keep happening to our family? }#{ What did we do to deserve this every single time? }#{ Almost everyone in my family on both my mom and dad's sides have died from or with some form of cancer. }#{ This shit is getting so out of hand and I don't know what to do anymore because of how often it is. }#{ Why can't we just go a few months without someone dying? }#{ This shit isn't fair. }#{ I feel like I'm gonna throw up and I know for a fact my grandma is probably vastly upset. }#{ She's just really good at hiding it. }#tw; cancer mention#tw; bone cancer#tw; bone cancer mention#{ Can you even die from bone cancer? }#{ I know my friend Vira's mother has bone cancer in the last stage and she's gonna die. }#{ So I dunno if that's what happens to everyone with bone cancer but now I can't stop thinking about it. }#{ I need to go before I have a mental breakdown. }#tw; negative#☣ [ ' Bʅσɯιɳɠ σϝϝ ʂƚҽαɱ. ' ] - ✡ Rαɳƚιɳɠ/Vҽɳƚιɳɠ ✡#☣ [ ' Tԋҽ σɳҽ ɯԋσ ʅҽαԃʂ Ⴆҽԋιɳԃ ƈʅσʂҽԃ ԃσσɾʂ. ' ] - ✡ Oυƚ σϝ Cԋαɾαƈƚҽɾ ✡
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insp by this right here, by @septicsoldier13. thank you for the prompt lovely! :))
-
They were short on bills this month.
Logan's shitty job at some scummy bar didn't exactly leave him rolling in cash (not to mention the seventy dollars he was docked for drinking the supply), Wade hadn't made all that much in commission, and Al's disability cheque didn't stretch far.
Rent was covered, so was water and electric, but that left heat unpaid.
Logan figured it wouldn't be a big deal. It was July- and there was a pretty intense heatwave hitting the city currently. They likely wouldn't need the heat for the next month anyway.
The apartment was chilled, but it wasn't cold by any means, which was why he was confused when he got home one evening and Wade was walking around making dinner with a blanket draped over his shoulders, and what looked to be two sweaters on, alongside thick sweatpants.
Logan was sweating just looking at him.
"I know you're pissed I got docked the alcohol money, but aren't you overplaying it a little, bub?"
Wade jumped at his voice, clearly not hearing him enter. The blanket dropped to the kitchen floor, and the merc looked mildly embarrassed.
"I was... cold," he said quietly, and it was... odd. There was no jokes, none of the usual outrageous comebacks, and Wade was just staring at the blanket now crumpled on the floor, almost with a fucking longing expression, and Logan would admit that often the idiots jokes flew right over his head (he wasn't exactly caught up with the last fifty years of media), but he really didn't get this one.
"You were cold? It's not hot in here but it's not cold," Logan pointed out, pretty much over Wade's dramatics.
He'd had a long shift at work, split up about four fights, kicked three people out and chased two couples trying to fuck in the filthy bathroom all between making stupid drinks as his own fingers itched for alcohol.
All to say, he really didn't have the energy for whatever dumb joke this was a part of.
"You're gonna give yourself heatstroke, and you look fucking ridiculous," he deadpanned, and Wade shrugs, doesn't say anything, which makes something heavy settle in Logan's gut.
Whatever, not his problem, right?
He left to go shower.
//
Wade had stripped down into sweats and a single sweater by the time they retire to the couch.
Logan is in his vest and flannel pyjama pants, and he's warm, but he doesn't mention Wade's layers this time.
The TV is on, some shitty episode of some shitty reality show Wade insists he has to watch, and Logan's focusing on it, until he's not.
His attention wanders over to the merc sat on the other end of the couch. It's not uncommon, Logan tends to spend more time watching Wade react to whatever dumb shit is on rather than watch it himself, for reasons he doesn't have the energy to analyse.
Somethings wrong.
Because Wade isn't watching the TV either. His eyes are distant, staring at the floor, and he's shivering violently, teeth practically chattering as he curls in on himself, knees hugged to his chest, and it's like he's...
"You're cold," Logan concludes aloud, but this time the words hold no frustration, because he'd seen Wade be committed to jokes before - but never on this scale. It's not a joke, or some sort of prank at Logan's expense.
Wade nods, and Logan is up and crouching in front of him immediately, sticking a hand against his forehead. Wade practically leans into his body's warmth, shuddering, and jesus christ - the mercs skin is like ice.
"The hell? Are you sick? Can you even get sick?" Logan touched the exposed skin of Wade's wrist, and sure enough - it was freezing.
Wade laughed softly, "I'm always sick, it's just... another side effect," he explained, and it took Logan a minute to recall what the cause of Wade's scars was. The cancer.
"But... your mutation, that stupid programme, I thought it cured you," Logan frowned.
"Not... cured. Just sort of put it on the back burner. It can't kill me, because my body is constantly regenerating the cells it kills, but it's there, and sometimes the symptoms hit a bit harder than usual," Wade explained, looking self conscious, as if this was something Logan would mock him for.
"Why the fuck didn't you say something when we sacrificed the heating this month?"
"We needed it the least-"
"I would've found a fuckin' way if I knew you'd suffer! I'm going straight down there tomorrow, I'll use my tip money to pay it," Logan stated, and Wade's eyes widened.
"No, peanut, you're saving that up for your motorcycle-"
"Fuck that, I'm not having you be uncomfortable in your own home," Logan huffed, "now wait here," he tossed a blanket from the chair over to Wade, then headed to their bedroom.
He headed to Wade's set of drawers first, but pivoted to his own. His hoodies were bigger - more fabric, more warmth, right? Definitely. He didn't just want to see Wade wrapped up in his clothes. That would be fucking dumb, because he wasn't a thirteen year old girl with a school crush.
He grabbed the obnoxiously pink Hello Kitty blanket from their bed too, and then stuck into Al's drawers and grabbed the hot water bottle she used when her back was giving her a hard time. He grabbed one of her heating pads from the medication cupboard too, making a note to buy her some more the next time he did their grocery run.
A few minutes later, items in hand and hot water bottle sufficiently warmed, he reentered the living room.
Wade had the blanket over his lap, but Logan could still see the slight tremble of his shoulders, as much as he was now trying to hide it.
His stomach twisted with guilt for his earlier words.
Logan sat beside him, "lift you're shirt up, just for a minute," he ordered as he opened the heat pad.
"At least buy me dinner first, or I'll kiss and tell. Who am I kidding? If we kiss I'm definitely telling, I'll go on the local news-" Wade's usual tirade of rambling was somewhat comforting, not that Logan would ever tell him that, but even so it's usual flow was lost behind the chattering of teeth.
"Wade," Logan interrupted, trying for exasperated but knowing he probably fell a bit short, "Shirt up, bub," he repeated.
Wade still looked hesitant, staring at him like he'd lost his mind, and Logan sighed, grabbing the hem of the sweater and doing it himself, using his other hand to stick the heat pad on.
"What are you- oh," Wade shivered again, arching his back a little into the heat source.
It only took a second for Logan to reboot his brain, and he quickly dropped Wade's shirt.
"Here," he shoved the hoodie, blanket, and hot water bottle into his lap, and Wade stared at the collection, and the tiny tug of a smile made Logan's heart jump a little in his chest.
"Awh peanut, you're the sweetest," he gushed, and it was supposed to be a tease, he knew that, but there was also something genuine there.
"Just warm yourself up," Logan muttered in response, avoiding his gaze.
He returned back to his seat, occasionally glancing over to Wade. The merc settle back down, both blankets wrapped around him, drowning in Logan's hoodie, the hot water bottle hugged to his chest.
He looked... cute, his nose and eyes visible beneathe the layered cocoon.
Logan did go back to focusing on the show, but he didn't stop his sideways glances, and it didn't take long to notice Wade was still shivering a little.
"Are you still cold?"
"No-"
"Wade," Logan warned, practically growled in his direction, and the younger man sighed.
"It's not... I know I shouldn't be, it's just... weird. It's like it's embedded into my fucking bones, I can't..." Wade trailed off, and he sounded miserable.
"Just come here, you dumbass," Logan said, rushing the words out before he could change his mind.
And if Wade looked at him like he was crazy earlier, now he was regarding him as if he'd grown a second head.
"You've done more than enough, Lo. I just need to get my shit together-"
It wasn't up for debate, and Logan wasn't fucking debating it. He grabbed Wade and yanked him closer, earning a yelp of surprise.
He made quick work of pulling him in close, an arm wrapped around his shoulders and dragging him into his body heat.
"Logan, you really don't need to-"
"Shut up and watch the TV," Logan grumbled, staring pointedly at the screen as to not meet the eyes burning holes into him currently.
Wade did give in eventually. He snuggled down into Logans side, head resting on his shoulder and a sweater-pawed hand coming up to lay on his chest. Logan wrapped an arm around his waist in response, tugging him impossibly closer.
Wade did stop shivering, eventually, and there was a mumbled 'thank you' against his neck.
Logan just squeezed his waist in acknowledgement, and neither made a move to separate.
//
The next time, Logan didn't need Wade to say a damn thing.
It wasn't the bills going unpaid this time, either, because Logan prioritised heat as much as he did the base rent when working out their money these days, and had even spent some of his spare cash on an overly loud but functional portable heater as the weather grew colder.
(Of course Wade's favourite method of warming up remained... him, but Logan really had no qualms with that. He found himself almost a bit jealous when Wade opted for the heater before himself, usually when he was busy, and Logan found himself purposefully dropping whatever he was doing to sit on the couch and drag Wade up against him. He absolutely did not glare at a portable heater, because that would be insane.)
No, this time they'd been invited to a Christmas night out alongside the X-men.
Logan had been reluctant to go, still not all that comfortable seeing the team after previously seeing them all... but Wade had begged, and pleaded, because apparently this was a yearly thing and he'd never been invited before.
That alone had only served to piss Logan off more, but Wade had been so excited - and so he sacrificed their quiet night in for a pub crawl around the city.
He'd already caught Wade shivering a few times in the warmth of their apartment that day, but the merc was quick to deny it, likely thinking (and accurately so) that Logan wasn't going to let him go if he thought he was having a bad day in terms of maintaining his body heat.
He'd watched Wade dress with a frown, "at least stick a shirt on under your sweater. You not got any clean sweats you can wear? Those jeans are too thin," Logan had lectured, and Wade had pouted in that way that typically spelt trouble for the older mutant.
"I don't wanna look stupid! Have you seen what I'm working with here? The least I can do is dress nice," Wade gestured to his face, to his scars, and Logan had to bite his tongue to stop himself from immediately jumping on the defence, because he'd probably call Wade gorgeous or something equally as eyebrow raising in the process.
"Fine, but you bring a jacket," he said, and Wade rolled his eyes but agreed.
They'd been out for a couple of hours. The drinks were flowing (Logan had cut himself off at three beers, which was a personal best), and everything was going... oddly well. Logan felt more at ease around the team than he had since he arrived in this universe, and it was nice.
He was talking to Hank, when Scott came over and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Sorry to interrupt, but Wade's asking for you, Logan," Logan frowned.
Wade had dissapeared a little while ago in order to go dance with Storm, Morph and Jean.
"Where is he?" Logan asked, already on his feet.
"Bathroom. He doesn't look great, dunno if he's had too much to drink," Scott replies, and Logan nods, heavily doubting the explanation.
"Thanks, Scott," he says, before making his way through the crowd and into the bathrooms at the back of the club.
When he enters, Wade is perched against the sinks, shivering violently, his whole body trembling and teeth going so fast he could hear them clinking together. He had his arms wrapped tightly around himself.
"W-won't stop, m' cold," Wade whimpered, the embarrassed flush on his cheeks standing out harshly against his pale palour.
Logan's immediate reaction is one of frustration, "I told you that you needed more layers!"
The scolding only earned a small nod, and a sniffle as Wade looked away.
"I'm sorry, I know. I'm just... gonna go home," he said, pushing up from the sinks to leave, but even his legs were shaking, and when he tried to walk the violent trembles knocked him off balance.
Logan was quick to catch him, wrapping his arms around the merc. Wade leaned into his warmth almost instinctively.
"You're an idiot, you know that?" Logan said, but his voice held more concern than anger now, as he steadied Wade on his feet.
He didn't expect the mutant to burst into tears.
Logan didn't do great with tears, especially not when it was somebody he genuinely cared about. He very almost ran out of there, went to grab Jean or Storm or even Hank - anyone who was better at this shit than he was, but he had a feeling Wade wouldn't appreciate anyone seeing him in this state.
Shit, did he even want Logan here right now? He might have asked for him earlier, but he clearly wasn't being much help. He'd made him cry, for fucks sake.
"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, I know I should've listened I just- I wanted to just feel slightly normal for once," Wade cried harder, and Logan found himself pulling the shaking merc into his arms again, tucking him against his chest.
"I'm not mad, bub. I get it, I do. I'm just worried about you," Logan sighed, and God, Wade really was like a block of ice on his hold.
"'M sorry," Wade hiccuped, and Logan shushed him softly.
"It's fine, honest. Let's get you home and warmed up, hm?" Logan suggested, running his hands over Wade's arms in an effort to ease the chill.
"Yeah," Wade agreed tiredly, and Logan guided him out the bar, giving Jean an excuse of Wade not handling his alcohol too great (which was at least somewhat true, because the merc was definitely teetering into the emotional drunk category if his display in the bathroom was anything to go off) and hailed them a cab home.
He helped Wade to the couch, burying him in blankets and setting up the heater directly in front of him. When he turned to leave, a hand escaped from the mountain of fleece to curl around his wrist.
"Cuddles? Please?"
Logan was surprised he didn't turn into a puddle on the spot. It was fucking ridiculous. If anyone else dared to grab him like that, make such a request with big devastated puppy dog eyes, he would've sliced them into three even pieces.
Wade was making him soft. He didn't feel as repulsed by that thought as he probably should've.
"In a minute, bub. Let me go get you some stuff first, alright?"
Wade nodded, letting go reluctantly.
Logan made quick work of gathering the usual. It had become almost a routine at this point.
He made Wade a hot chocolate too, knowing how much the merc adored the sugary drink. He was only making it to warm him up though, obviously.
When he returned, Wade had burrowed completely beneath the blanket pile, and Logan had to immediately shut down the adorable that his unhelpful, traitorous brain supplied.
He put the hot chocolate on the table, and the smell had Wade popping his head out, staring at the drink.
"You made me hot chocolate?"
"Don't get used to it," Logan replied, and shoved a pair of his own sweatpants and his own hoodie against Wade's chest.
"Get these on."
"These are yours y'know," Wade said, running a hand over the sweatpants.
"Yours are dirty," Logan shrugged.
They were. Apart from a black pair at the bottom of his closet, but Logan was prepared to swear under oath that he'd never seen them before in his life.
Wade made quick work of getting changed. Logan turned to face the wall, and while Wade didn't say anything, Logan could feel the assholes smirk.
Once he was done, Logan joined him on the couch, climbing beneathe the layers of blankets despite the fact that he tended to run pretty hot. He could get closer to Wade this way.
He stuck the heat pad on his neck, the hot water bottle against his stomach (Wade's very own one now, with hello kitty sewn onto the cover - early Christmas gift from Logan) and wrapped him up in his arms, until Wade's entire body weight was resting against him, sprawled against his chest.
"Logan?" Wade asked after a while of silence, the only sound being the TV and humming of the heater.
"Hm?"
"You're the best wolverine," Wade said softly, and Logan glanced down at the merc, snuggled against his chest, eyes half lidded. He'd stopped shivering.
"Only for you, bub," he hummed in response, very almost kissing the top of his head, but settling on running a hand through it instead.
Wade made a happy sound, and Logan was just glad no one was around to see the stupid smile it put on his face.
#deadpool#deadclaws#poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wade wilson#logan/wade#logan howlett#wade wilson angst#deadclaws fic#poolverine fic#oneshot#fic prompt#mywriting
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— the season for second third fourth chances
[part v of sugar, sugar] | [masterlist]
wolverine/logan howlett x neighbor!f!reader
rated e - 4.5k
tags: holiday fluff, reader references/celebrates christmas, misunderstandings, light angst, references to canon-typical anxiety, violence, wade's cancer diagnosis, and death, references plot events in DP 1 & 2, sexual innuendos/implied smut, feelings
With the holidays on the horizon, your afternoons are filled with preparations for Wade’s annual holiday party. With baking and cookie decorating, finishing up wrapping presents - and maybe even a little Christmas miracle, when you find yourself running into a familiar face.
"What?"
It slips from you, as your eyebrows shoot up - glancing down at the piece of cardstock. Before you're adding -
"Why?"
Wade huffs, his finger tapping against the text that loops across the top.
"Don't give me that, Sugar. I spent ages picking out the right font, I know the contrast is enough for you to read it clearly."
And he's right. You can definitely read it, even without the coarse coat of glitter making the headline sparkle.
‘Spread Some Christmas Cheer’
The letters arching above a photo of Wade. His suit on, of course, as he lounges across the lap of what appears to be a mall Santa. Dread in the man’s once-twinkling blue eyes, as one of Wade’s legs drapes across the velvet red suit, the other kicked high against the back of the padded red chair.
‘With Wade Wilson's Winter Wonderland’ in script beneath - with dates and time for his party listed below.
"I can definitely read it," You acknowledge, "I was just asking what, as in what made you take this, and maybe even where, because-"
"Oh," He chuckles, "Yeah, I'm absolutely banned from JCPenney, but worth it, right? This is my best-looking card yet."
You can't help the smile, "It's definitely something."
He grins, "So, you'll come? I heard there might be a certain someone there."
"Is that right?" Your tongue pokes against your cheek.
"Mhmm. Pretty sure he sees you when you're sleeping. Definitely know if you've been naughty or nice, and I know for a fact I've seen you in his lap-"
There's a sound of disgust, as your nose wrinkles, "Okay, can you not talk about Logan that way? I don't need a Santa comparison in my head."
"Just thought I'd spice some things up for you. It's nothing to be ashamed of, we've all had a crush on the big man."
"On who?" There's a rough voice behind you - Logan hand fisted around the fleece jacket tugged from the back of the armchair.
"He knows what I'm talking about," Wade points, "I'm just saying, if Santa needs help handling that sack of his, I'm so fucking down."
"Jesus fucking Christ." An arm curls around you, as Logan glances at the invite, "Wait, this is this weekend?"
"Yes, this weekend," Wade sniffs, "We talked about it yesterday."
"Wasn't home yesterday." Logan's eyebrow cocks, "Or the day before."
"Well, I talked about it with somebody." Wade shrugs - another tapped finger at the bottom of the card, "Anyways, blah, blah, blah. It’s all here, proper name, place name, backstory stuff... just be there, because I know where you live-"
"We'll be there." You interrupt, biting back your smile, "Want me to bring anything?"
Wade's look turns pleased, and then thoughtful, "Well, I was going to get some cookies from Yeastie Boys Bakery..."
The words trailing off, as you groan - already so over the new bakery in town, their stupid jingle and 'viral' cupcakes that taste like shit.
"Don't even talk to me about them."
You can feel the way Logan's hands brace on your shoulder. The low, "he's kidding sweetheart-" rumbled in your ear.
"Guilty." Wade's hands spread wide, "Was just trying to rile you up into offering some of your own splendid wares. Al still talks about the ones you brought over last year. If it’s not too much work…"
The sentence trails off, as he bats his brown, pleading, puppy-dog eyes at you.
"Lead with that next time, asshole." Logan sighs.
"It's not." You answer automatically, though you're already mentally running through your schedule.
The presents you still have to wrap. The loose ends of Wade's gift that you still have to weave in. Another trip to the grocery store, for certain - you'll have to bake at home, since it's a favor.
There's a kiss pressed to your temple, as Logan moves around you.
"I know that look. Don't push too hard, honey." He finishes shrugging on his jacket, "I’ll see if Laura and I can help you out tomorrow."
Wade's voice chiming in, “And let it be known I am formally offering to help, but-”
You huff, “Thank you, but you’re still banned from my kitchen, Wade.”
Still not over the surprise of your gingerbread appearing with piped anatomically correct additions, after you had left him unsupervised last year.
The kiss goodbye you share with Logan lingers, a grateful press of your mouth against his. Wondering what you did to deserve such a man, still ready to pinch yourself every day.
A look in his eyes that matches yours, as he steps around Wade, who still lingers.
"Thanks, Sugar." He grins, "And remember - you better be good for goodness sake-"
You groan, as you shove him out the door. Logan's fingers curling around the collar of Wade’s jacket, the other tugging at the handle.
Unable to help adding your usual farewell, “Be careful out there, okay? Come back safe.”
Not that they need it, not with their powers. But it still feels like a charm, tucked carefully into their pockets as they head out together again - off on a new mission.
"I’ll take care of your Sugar Bear.” It's sung out, muffled behind the closed door. “Love you byeee!"
A sigh, as you shake your head.
Guess you have some work to do.
Your pen marks another item off your list, as you inch your cart through the too-busy grocery store.
It’s already half-filled with other last-minute items. Another couple gifts, now that official date of the party looms on the horizon - you can’t leave Peter, Ellie, and Yukio out, after all.
A new decorative Christmas plate for the cookies - you had lost yours in the impromptu disc golf match that Wade hosted at the apartment last year.
Last you heard, it was still on the roof next door.
Molasses, brown sugar, and spices for gingerbread. A fresh box of food coloring, for the sugar cookies - you were out of red, from last year as well.
A pack of powdered sugar drops down into your cart. Reaching for a second, just as another hand bumps against yours.
Twin apologies chime, as your eyes flick to the side.
Instantly recognizing the woman next to you - the sheepish look on your face cooling.
“Oh.” Her eyes widen in recognition, “Hey.”
“Hi, Vanessa.” You offer a half-smile - the last dregs of your annoyance with Wade vanishing, as you rest the second bag on top of the other.
A beat, before you manage, “How are you?”
“Good. Office party,” She wiggles her own bag, before it slips into the basket at her elbow, “You?”
“Um, I’m good, too.” You shrug, “And no, uh… friend’s party.”
Wade seemed mostly over the disaster that happened close to two months ago. More prone to forgiving and forgetting - gracious, in a way that you could be, when you wanted. That you were, most of the time.
After all, it was easier, to let something slide off your back when it came to a personal grudge. You could be an adult and move on, then.
But it was still hard to forget how crushed Wade had been. How you knew that she knew he had been cooking for her the night she stood him up- a drunken confession that he had seen the notification that she had watched the stories he had snapped for his social media stories.
And even if he was over it, you weren’t sure you were.
“Wade’s party?” She guesses, and it makes you blink.
Wondering when and how she had been invited. As far as you knew, her name hadn’t passed his lips in weeks.
“Yeah.” Your eyes search hers - the tightness in them, how she bites the inside of her cheek, “Are… you?”
“Undecided,” Her lips lift. A breath, before she’s asking, “How’s he been lately? Is he…”
You can’t help the small frown, a mark deepening between your brows, “He’s good.”
A half-truth, before you tack a little more on, “Sure he’s appreciating the extra space. Fixed Al up with a Murphy bed, and Logan’s been staying with me a lot lately.”
“Oh. I thought-” Vanessa’s sentence trails off.
She looks lost for a moment. A glance downward, picking at the manicured edge of a nail.
You haven’t seen her like this before. Too used to her confidence, those sharp edges that you lack.
Pity flickers through you.
“I really have to go. If I don’t start these soon, I’ll be up all night.”
It comes out apologetic - and you realize, you actually mean it, “But why don’t you swing by my apartment in a bit? I’m gonna be baking all afternoon, but I make a mean boozy hot chocolate.”
The look she gives you is tinged with relief.
It’s enough to make you wonder what you’re missing.
“Wait, what?” You yelp - for the second time, in forty-eight hours.
There’s a smudge of flour on your sweater. Holiday music pouring through the speaker on your counter. Vanessa carefully inching the gingerbread cutouts an inch apart.
A shoulder lifting, as she repeats herself, “I said I thought he moved on. With you.”
Not knowing, with the way she had come late to the party where you had met Logan. Left early, with her new corporate schedule.
You almost over-pour the ground cinnamon into the second batch. Tipping it back into the jar, as you let the spoon clatter against the counter. Her head tilts, at your expression.
“You haven’t thought about it? I know you’re both close.”
In another world, perhaps.
Another life - one where you hadn’t met Logan when you did. Hadn’t spent months cheering Wade on, those once barely-there flickers of interest fading to something solidly platonic some time ago.
Your head shakes, the words coming slowly, “It’s always been you, Vanessa. Everyone knows that.”
The corner of her lips lift. Fingernails tapping against the aluminum pan.
“I thought so, too.”
You frown, “Is that why didn’t you show? When he asked you over for dinner?”
Vanessa laughs then, rueful.
“The dinner.” Her eyes flick away, going back to a memory - a beat, before the snap to yours, “Yeah. I wanted to go. I uh, just split with Dermot. From work.”
You nod, remembering - overhearing the conversation at Wade’s birthday.
“He wanted me to move in. Said he saw a future with me, but when it came down to taking that step…” Her lips press together, the lift of a shoulder, “I’ve never seen myself with anyone else. Only him.”
Only Wade.
“But… then I saw you with him. The stories he posted. The two of you cooking, dressed up like a date.” It comes in a rush, “I thought, incorrectly, apparently-”
“He was cooking for you.” There’s a furrow in your brow, trying to piece together the way she saw it.
The sundress you wore for Logan. The captions that tipped towards lewd that you had tried to get him to delete - jokes about “getting lucky”, or the chicken not the only thing “being stuffed tonight”.
She nods, “I’m getting that now.”
“I think you still should have gone.” It’s starting to make sense, but you can’t help the reproach in your tone, ”He was devastated.”
The look she shoots you is defensive. Vanessa had always carried an intensity you lacked, and you take the full brunt of it now. Your fingers curl into fists for strength, not letting your gaze drop first. A beat, before she nods.
“I guess it’s just become easier to run.” Vanessa admits, “Defense mechanism. Get out first. Ironic, I know.”
You frown, not knowing, “Has that… has that happened before?”
“Which time?” Her laugh is close to a scoff, as she sighs.
Your eyes drop now, as you go back to your work. Back to measuring, tipping the spices into your mixer. The words coming slowly.
”He hasn’t told me a lot. Just a bit about last time. About…” You search for the words, feeling guilty. “About him not doing enough. That you wanted him to do something meaningful, and then the stuff with the Avengers, and…”
The words die, when you see her face.
Sorrow and anger, with the sharp shake of her head, “I never gave a damn about the Avengers. That was all Wade.”
A sigh, as she collects herself.
“I just wanted him to find his passion again. He changed… a few years ago. Something happened, a really close call. He fixed it, but he wasn’t the same after.”
A breath, before she adding, “He took it hard. Guilt, I think. All I really wanted was for him to talk to me. To let me help him, but he never let me in because he didn’t want me getting hurt again. He shut down, and stopped talking to me.”
The mixer hums. A beep of your timer, as the minutes tick down.
“You know Wade. Always has a joke ready. Never wants to get serious if he can help it. It’s stupid, but we... drifted.” Vanessa’s throat bobs as she swallows, “I was dealing with my own shit, and when he pushed me away, it reminded me of last time.”
She catches your expression again, as the dough tips out of the bowl. The furrow of your brow, as you swap it for a chilled portion in your fridge.
“It’s been a recurring theme,” It comes out blunt.
Her look turning considering, then, when the frown doesn't waver.
“Do you love Logan?”
The rolling pin slips in your grip. Pressing too hard, denting dough.
“I-,” You breathe. The question unexpected, leaving you wholly unprepared, even as your heart beats out the answer.
Her expression softens, “You care about him.”
You nod mutely.
“What would you do, if Logan just - disappeared? No trace of him, just gone in the night?”
Her question hangs. A physical ache in your chest at the mere thought, one that leaves you unable to breathe. Pieces starting to click together - little bits of what you know, forming some sort of photo.
“Is that what Wade did?”
She nods, “It was right after his cancer diagnosis. He was going through a lot, and just - left. For years. I thought… I thought he had died. I mourned him. It crushed me.”
You can’t help but reach across the table - hesitant, in the way you squeeze her arm.
She lets you, a look shot your way. Defending him, unable to help it.
“I get it, though. I get that it was a lot. I’ve forgiven him. But…” Her teeth pinch at her cheek, that guilt coming back, “When he started pulling away, I thought it was happening again. I couldn’t live through that again.”
You finish for her, “So you left first.”
She nods.
Silence lingers. Nails tapping on the countertop, fiddling with the silver rings on her fingers. The heat of the oven curling across your arms, as you swap one tray for another. Setting it aside to cool.
“You should go talk to him.” Your voice cracks through the quiet, when you turn - hands bracing against the counter.
Her eyebrows raise, “And say what?”
”Tell him what you told me. That you were just scared.” Your voice softens, “He invited you to his party because he still *wants* you in his life.”
She blinks, silent.
“I’ll help you,” You coax, “Logan’s already coming over tonight.”
Your eyes flick down to your phone, checking, ”Uh, really soon, actually. I’ll go next door with you, and bring Althea back with me. Give you two some time to catch up.”
Vanessa’s fingers cards through her hair - pushing back the long strands, the words coming slowly, “I don’t know…”
“Wade is crazy about you.” It comes out bluntly, and it’s this that pulls her attention.
You’re already swiping a container off the counter. Filling the bottom with sugar cookies baked this morning - cut into trees and mittens, decorated with buttercream and sprinkles.
The lid snaps on, as you hold it out to her.
“Trust me?”
Her eyes meet yours, and you can see the swirl of emotions across her face.
You smile and finally - she nods.
She follows a step behind, as you leave the apartment. The hallway chilly, the entrance bringing in a dusting of snow across the carpet, with the revolving holiday traffic.
The closing front door downstairs echoes with your own, as you head the next apartment over. Knuckles rapping against the wood, fingers mentally crossed.
A voice ringing out, muffled, “If you’re part of Rudolph and the Red-Hot Reindeers, you’re a day early-”
Opening to reveal Wade, dressed down in a shirt and sweatpants with his Deadpool logo patterned across them.
“Oh, hey Sugar.” He smiles, “What’s up?”
“Well,” You stall for a second, trying to figure out what exactly to say, “Is Althea home? Was wondering if she could help me with something.”
Wade chuckles.
“Fat fucking chance, she’s two episodes into the Golden Bachelor right now and she’s sure as hell not moving-” The words die out as Vanessa moves into view, the container in hand.
He goes silent, for the first time you can remember.
“I have the same streaming apps as you, I’m sure I can convince her.” Your shift - a hand touching at her shoulder, urging her forward, “And maybe you could do me a favor, too. Taste test these for tomorrow?”
For a moment, you think he doesn’t hear you. His eyes lingering on Vanessa, his face bleeding from surprise to confusion to hope, as he takes her in.
“Yeah.” He manages after a long moment - clearing his throat.
“Yeah. I’d love to.”
It doesn’t take much convincing, not with the way Al enjoys a cup of piping hot tea as much as you do - along with the promise she can watch her beloved show in peace. Almost giddy in the way she makes for the door, cane in hand and Dogpool tucked in the crook of her other arm.
The door just shutting behind you before she’s hissing, “What in God’s name was that?”
You shush her, eyes flicking back towards the apartment. Almost jumping out of your skin when it’s followed by another voice, this one pitched low.
“Seconded. Busy afternoon?”
Logan leans against the wall, Laura expression clear with the pull of her brows. Thirded.
“Something like that.” You herd them inside your apartment, before they can be overheard - not that Wade was listening, you’re sure.
The door is barely shut, before they’re rounding on you. Your own hands on your hips - a nod directing them towards the kitchen table, laden with bare gingerbread cookies.
Al tucked in the armchair, spun around the face the bustle of the kitchen, her show long forgotten.
“You’re stalling.” Laura points out bluntly, as you hand her the bag of icing.
Your tongue tucked against your teeth, as you shoot Logan a look. His eyebrows raised in response, eyes sliding over to the brick wall that separates your apartment from Wade.
“I’m not,” The word strings out, “It’s just, like, it’s not a big deal, right?”
She scoffs.
Althea’s cane taps the ground, “Something happened, and you’d better spill.”
“Alright,” Your fingers spread in front of you, “I ran into Vanessa at the store today. And we got to talking, and I invited her back here. I think she regrets what happened between them.”
There’s a snort of derision, and you can feel yourself starting to bristle.
“We all have our opinions, myself included-” You allow, as another noise interrupts you - lower and more gruff this time. You spin, shooting Logan another look.
“But I think she was genuine. I’ve certainly had my fair share of… miscommunications,” His expressions softens at your words, the corner of his lips curling as you shift to face Al.
“And I got some really good advice once from someone. Something about ‘talking about it’, and that’s what I encouraged her to do.”
“Hope you’re right,” Al sighs- but there’s a smile there, hidden in the way her lips press together, “That boy is more sensitive than my left tit in a snowstorm.”
“Jesus.” It’s muttered, at your shoulder. Logan’s head shaking as he joins Laura, the hint of a smirk as she works on piping a set of angry eyebrows.
Your eyes roll, “I am.”
Spinning back to face the table, as you grab your own bag of frosting.
“After all, it’s Christmas,” You can’t help but throw her way, from over your shoulder.
“And isn’t that the best time for a miracle?”
Logan’s arms wrap around you later, as you snap the last lid in place. Finally done with your last-minute idea - decorating each of the gingerbread to look like your friends.
Laura slipping out a few minutes ago, intent on staying until the end. Just as determined as Logan to see things through, even though you tried to get her to leave a few times - worried about the weather, the long drive back to the mansion.
The slight smile as her eyes rolled - with your affection towards her, you forget how impervious she is.
Althea long asleep in the couch, the quilt Logan’s borrowed so many nights before tucked around her. Ambient holiday music still pouring through the speaker, your attempt to drown out the enthusiastic reunion taking place next door.
Can’t bring yourself to mind. More relieved than anything.
And you deserve it, you suppose.
“You did a good thing.” It’s murmured into your hair, as you finally relax into him.
Arms curling beneath his, wrapping around his broad back to embrace him. You hum with contentment as his lips brush your temple.
“Don’t know if I can manage a miracle,” His lips curve when you lean back, eyes flicking up to meet his, “But if there anything else you might want for Christmas?”
Your teeth sink into your lip, as you grin.
The answer is easy, as your face tips towards his.
“Just want more time with you.”
Logan huffs, as his hand dips down. Cupping soft flesh, kneading - as he tugs you the rest of the way. A grin, just before his mouth presses against yours.
“Mm. Hope you don’t mind celebrating a little early, then.”
Red and green have exploded in the apartment next door - the flamingo lights that spill from the kitchen replaced with blinking bulbs. A tree that you’re truly unsure how it fit through the door, much less the narrow hallway, tucked in the corner.
You and Logan had helped decorate it earlier in the month - Wade directing from the couch, as the two of you and Althea arranged the ornaments. A ninja star zip-tied to the top, but with the lights turned low, and the swirl of snow coming down outside - it’s cozy.
It’s familiar - faces you’ve come to know well, known to love, fill the space. The cookies are a hit, sweet exclamations as they find the ones that represent them. Woolen and knitted sweaters, bodies tucked together on a hodgepodge of surfaces.
And perhaps, you do end up on Logan’s lap. His thighs spread wide in an armchair Wade found on the curb, out of place against the brick walls and industrial windows with its floral pattern.
Your eyes meeting Wade’s from across the living room, anticipating the tease.
But he only smiles back.
Something soft - an arm slung around Vanessa’s shoulder. The ‘white elephant in the room’, as he had cheekily alluded to it, addressed with a carefully placed piece of mistletoe.
Side-eyes and stunned silence easing into smiles, when you all saw the way they looked at each other.
And when he corners you to tell you thank you, you know the bone-crushing hug is not just for the handmade red-and-black beanie and scarf that you had gotten up early to finish for him.
The rest of your gifts don’t quite reach the same level, but you’re pleased all the same. Laura’s smile shy as she tries on the Docs you caught her eyeing, ankle twisting as her eyes dip down.
Logan’s arm tightening around your waist when you hand him the wrapped package. His eyes lingering on yours until the paper is loosened, a pleased hum when he sees the lined leather jacket you picked out for him.
“Your first winter with us in New York,” You smile, “Can’t have you catching cold.”
Something to keep in warm, when he tinkers on the bike stashed in the basement. To protect him, when he’s not in his suit. Better than that the faded fleece he’s lifted from Wade’s closet.
And even though you’d been fairly certain he’d given you your gift last night - and again this morning - there’s still a pretty card tucked into your palm. A piece of paper folded inside, next to sentiments that made heat rise to your cheeks.
A photo printed out - a cozy little cabin, the roof lined with snow. Framed with a thick ring of woods and surrounded by wilderness. The reservation dates and details marked out in the text below.
“A vacation?” You can’t remember the last time you’ve been away. Excitement surging at the thought of spending a week tucked away with your boyfriend, “For us?”
“Yeah, sweetheart.” Logan husks, “Found a nice little place up north. Just you and me.”
His fingers flex against your waist, his face tipping up to yours, “Would you like that?”
“I’d love that.” You smile.
You love him.
You’re certain of that - a name for that warm weight in your chest that’s been there for weeks. Since the beginning really, coming to a full flourish with the conversation the day before.
Maybe with the turn of the new year, you’ll pluck up enough courage to tell him.
For now, you beam at him. Pressing yourself close - entwining fingers that squeeze. Hoping he can read the soft look you give him, the words murmured out, in the little bubble you’ve found yourselves in.
“Merry Christmas, Logan.”
His thumb brushes your cheek, before he tugs you down to meet him.
“Merry Christmas, Sugar.”
after part iii, i could not leave our bff wade with a sad ending!!! 💖 for a little bit early on i toyed with the idea of making this series a poly one (before come on and show me) hence a couple little references throughout (and the reason to keep the breakup in the first place) (which I still have beef with in the movie, BUT I did my best). thank you for checking out this series, it might be one of my favorite things I’ve had the pleasure to work on and seeing the love on it has been so amazing 💕
#logan howlett x reader#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#logan howlett x you#logan howlett#james logan howlett x reader#xmen x reader#logan howlett x fem!reader#logan howlett x f!reader#deadpool & wolverine#wolverine imagine
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ASTRO SEXOLOGY NOTES🔞 - NATAL CHART
Men with Mars square Uranus will 9/10 times have tendencies to be violent in bed, and not just a little slap but a whole ass beating. They use sex to make their frustrations "disappear", while taking it out on the other person⛓🩸. "Problems with controlling themselves". They usually also have a crooked dick - random yeah. No judgement from here, just saying.
Women with Lilith asteroid - 1181 conjunct their Part of Fortune can show sexual trauma, that they can use to empower other women. Supporting other women/people who have been through some of the same things. They can gain "success - whatever u define it as" on their trauma - speaking out 2 the world about it, and making a difference🌍🌞❤️🩹.
Men with Mars/Dick asteroid - 17458 conjunct/trine/quintile their Jupiter = big dick - sometimes2big/could be a grower but mostly a shower. Men with Mars/Dick asteroid - 17458 semi-square/square/quincunx Jupiter = could have a smaller dick, not saying it isn't all that, just pointing it out❤️.
Women with Venus/Klett asteroid - 2199 conjunct/trine/quintile Neptune = "U have a beautiful 😻" is something women with this aspect could hear a lot, "otherworldly pussy". People fantasise about it a lot, either before they get a taste, or after. Women with Venus/Klett asteroid - 2199 conjunct/trine/quintile Jupiter = larger 😻 but it fits her🫶🏼. They can also squirt/cum a lot more than the average women🌊.
Men with Mars conjunct Sado asteroid - 118230 = loves being sadistic 2wards their sexual partners, while also craving a sexual partner who's being sadistic 2wards them. They want2 humiliate, & be humiliated𓀏. They take GREAT pleasure in seeing you in pain/being in pain. Squash their balls, they'll love that shit. It may take them some time before they "fully open up" about it, but once they do = point of no return🕯.
I've seen people say that women with Venus/Mars in Pisces = FOOT FETISH?! like wassup with that? I haven't met a single one yet, who’s into that. My Venus is in pisces2, and if I see someone’s feet???? = shoot me💀🔫. Seriously tho. Keep those feet outta my face, & we’re good😍.
Women with Mars/8th house in Scorpio wants their sexual partners to worship them, be obsessed, give up their soul to forge the closeness they need, sexually. They can't get "close enough", they want 2 own. Not ever share. They need loyalty4a long lasting sexual relationship. They usually won't settle on this, unless they've been "tricked"/feeling attached already⛓. In the long run = won't settle.
Men with Mars/8th house in Cancer wants their sexual partners2 look&act like alluring, sweet, innocent angels on earth💋. They want all their sexual needs2 be taken care of by their partners, be "mothered" kinda. Mommy issues can also be a big thing here! They subconsciously seek out sexual/romantic partners, that reminds them of their mother🧐. They want2 be romanced usually, before being sexual with somebody. "Need 2 have some type of feelings 2 be sexual".
Men with Venus conjunct/trine/quintile Dick asteroid - 17458/Mars can have an easy time with getting women pregnant, like their semen is top notch🤰🏼.
Men with Venus semi-square/square/quincunx Dick asteroid - 17458/Mars can have a harder time with it. They could need a little help, before they'll get someone pregnant💜.
Women with Black Moon Lilith conjunct their POF can have lots of different sexual partners/experiences throughout their lives💋. They can gain "success - whatever u define it as" by speaking out2the world about these experiences/being a big supporter of women having equal rights. - Example - speaking up about women being able to sleep with how many they want2, without being judged by men4it. "They do it, so why can't we?". u tell em👏.
Mars conjunct/trine/quintile Saturn can 100% be into bondage, with their sexual partners. Or into things that "restrains them"/or them doing the restraining⛓. Likes to dominate, and show who's in charge😮💨 - unless some serious shit is going on in their chart. Won't give up their "sexual power" 2 anyone, unless they deem them seriously worthy. Control is a big thing here. Wants 2 control, but also wants2be played with sometimes👅.
Mercury conjunct/trine/quintile Mars is usually big on oral👄. They like it, &have no problem with using their skills to pleasure their partner👅. Also big on dirty talk! They want2hear praises about how good they are, how they make the other person feel, if they're touching the right place, &in the right way📢. Be vocal, they'll adore u for it❗️
Women with Venus/Klett asteroid - 2199 conjunct/trine/quintile Fama asteroid - 408 = their 😻 gets talked about a lot/“known” 4 their 😼/or they themselves could be the ones talking about it 2other people🤔.
Men with Mars/Dick asteroid - 17458 conjunct/trine/quintile Fama asteroid - 408 = same as above, just vice versa love❤️.
THANKS4READING!! I appreciate you, always💜.
#astro community#astro notes#astrology#astro observations#asteroids#astrology notes#birth chart#venus#black moon lilith#mars astrology#8th house
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(Okay, for some reason, the repost where I was talking about this just...disapeard?? So here I go. Again. I'm just going to post it as a separate thing.)
(Also, Warning, talking about child hood cancer, experimentation and torture, and the other general dark Logan or Wade things.)
Okay! So- obviously, with the timeline, it wouldn't work- but I can just change that because why not?
Imagine Wade being diagnosed with cancer at 8. He has chemo and some surgeries, then for a good 2 years he is cancer free. Of course, though, it comes back at around 11. There isn't anything they can do this time, though. The surgeries won't work, and chemo will only prolong the inevitable, so Wade has to accept his fate. His parents get approached by someone who promises to cure Wade, though. All they need to do is sign over their legal rights in regards to him, so that's what they do. Sure, they cured him, but only after years of being tortured and experimented on. Wade thinks his parents didn't know at the beginning, but after the first few months, he started to question if they knew what this place was. His parents had never been kind people, and Wade quickly decided his parents probably didn't care what happened when they signed that waver. He survives, though. He gets his mutation, and eventually, the X-Men manages to find the facility that has been doing this. He's glad all of the other kids have been saved and most of them reunited with their parents- he had looked after half of them in that hell hole so he feels responsible for making sure they are all save wherever they go- and he goes back to the school with the other kids who don't have a home to go back to or just don't want to go back home. It's weird to be a whole 17 years of age and not knowing how to function in the world. He knows how to survive, but that's about it. So, it's a struggle to settle into the mansion at first, but he quickly takes on the role of bigger brother to the younger kids. And yeah, he finds it hard to interact with the people his own age, too terrified to deal with the possible riddicule of how he looks.
Logan's been there awhile. He was found by the Professor after a few news articles popped up about some 'strange deaths' and he had investigated. No one at the school knows much about him- they know he lived in the woods for a year when he was 13, and that the Professor found him- but that's about it. Practically all the students avoid him like the plague in the halls and at meal times. It's not that Logan tries to talk to the others anyway, and he doesn't really want too. He's used to being a lone wolf. He keeps to himself, doesn't want to deal with others shit, and he plans to keep it that way. He's gonna leave this place as soon as he is 18 next year. He isn't even sure where he would go, but he refuses to join the X-Men. He can't bring himself too- to many accidents with the claws and panic attacks to be able to help people.
Naturally, Wade decides that Logan is the person he is going to befriend. Even if the idea of being judged terrifies him, he can't help but be interested in the quiet brooding bad boy.
#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#wade wilson#deadpool 3#deadclaws#deadpool#logan howlett#wade x logan#logan#wade winston wilson
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Pick a Card: What do you need to hear right now?
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Hello and welcome back to a new pick a card reading!
Today is a general and open one, where we're going to look at What you need to hear right now.
As always this is a general reading meant for multiple people so it might not resonates 100%. There are only three piles and a shit ton of you. Takes what resonates and leave out the rest.
Check out my pinned post for more pick a cards or to book a paid reading.
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PILE 1
Cards: 10 of Cups, King of Swords, 5 of Swords, the Chariot, the Empress, the Hanged Man, Queen of Cups, 4 of Pentacles, the High Priestess, Sweet Oblivion, Acceptance
Right now, you seem very preoccupied, by the idea of happiness and emotional fulfillment. I see you wanting more from life and not wanting to settle for your current circumstances. You are an idealist who wishes to enjoy life to its fullest, and I think that includes multiple areas of you life because you don't want to neglect any aspect of it.
But at the same time, there is this idea that your idea of ultimate happiness is an ideal, and ideals are not reality. Reality is uncertain and mysterious, we never know what's around the corner, and I think you're trying to get a hold of that by using your logic over your heart to try to understand and break down what it is you want from life. Truth is, when we want something, even when we get it, it never quite look like what we imagined, and that's quite a struggle when we want to control outcomes.
And I think you're fully aware of the fact that there are going to be some losses on your path towards this beautiful goal of yours. Perhaps you even have already experienced some. You might be wondering if that was all worth the effort in the end and feeling quite defeated on the inside. There might be frictions with you values and feeling like you have to sacrifice something dear to you.
However, despite these sour feelings, you feel like you have to stay determined to make it work and get out of the realm of what's known and comfortable. With the Chariot paired with the Empress, representing respectively Cancer and Venus, there is this idea of slow but unstoppable movement toward you ideal. It's really hard for you to let give up, unthinkable even. Both characters are crowned in stars, representing the hope for something better and the faith you have for yourself.
What you don't see, however, is that you are currently trapped in your own perspective and struggling to see things in a new angle. You are tied to the emotional baggage of your past and it's like you're trying to run away from the pain but you can't, you're stuck with it because its part of yourself, of your story. And I think to some extent you fail to see how these past emotions are affecting the way you see the situation. You learned to be very protective of your well-being, up to a fault because, right now, this inflexibility is creating struggle and pain where there is no need for it.
I also see that you're so focused on the prize that you're blinding yourself to everything else, which is part of why you are stuck in some way.
You advice regarding this situation is all about accepting that you cannot control everything, nor that you should. As we pointed out things will not always unfold the exact way you want them to, which is not necessarily a bad thing. You don't need to know everything, to see 10 steps ahead. It's okay to not know what you are doing, no one does. Yes you are doing that because you want to feel safe, but that's not how reality works. You can't trick your mind into thinking you have full control over your life, that's a delusion, and you're missing out on the mysterious adventure that is life.
So you need to let go a bit, surrender your desire for control and float through life with peace in your heart. What will be, will be. Some things cannot be changed with force and willpower alone. Some things are out of your control and all you can do is accept and let things unfold naturally. Right now you need to let loose a little and learn to have more faith in life and to trust that sometimes, the detours are exactly what we need to experience.
Key words: crisis of faith, winning at all costs, go big or go home, sunken cost fallacy, if i don't help myself then who will, crawling out of a hole, disillusionment, swimming against the current vs floating with it
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PILE 2
Cards: King of Cups, Empress, 7 of Pentacles, the Hermit, the High Priestess, 3 of Swords, Ace of Wands, 7 of Cups, 8 of Pentacles, the Hanged Man, 3 of Cups, 8 of Swords, Rebirth
What you're being asked to look at today, is your emotional balance and the emotional work you've done on yourself to nurture and repair. It seems you've been working at it for quite some time, steadily and patiently. You've been caring for yourself, healing, like a gardener working in his orchards day after day, waiting for the harvest to finally come.
And you did quite well it seems! A lot has been accomplished already. You've done the work and sought inner knowledge; with bravery you looked at every shadow, every past hurt, every trauma, and you've learnt so much from it. You really consciously took the matter into your own hands and were directly acting on your issues. It still hurts at time though and you might be wondering when it will cease to be painful. Truth is, you keep touching the wound so it's probably not helping. I see you quite stuck in waiting for this harvest, the harvest being the point where you feel finally free from all of this ready to seize life again.
You also went through a time of isolation that made you stronger, but I'm also getting that you're struggling to get out of that isolation mode out of comfort and fear mostly. Sometimes when we go through something hard, it makes us feel alienated from others, like it's hard to relate to the everyday problems of people who were lucky enough not to go through something traumatic. It can make you feel envious, or at the very least, a bit disgusted and void of interest to connect with those people, because they just don't get it, and honestly, some people lack the emotional intelligence necessary to handle people who suffered a lot…hence the isolation.
What you don't see, is that you're ruminating your problems and that it's past the point of being helpful. It's like you're going over it again and again and again, trying to see if you can find yet another answer that would end the search once and for all. You're clearly overthinking your feelings and obsessively trying to find a solution to something that has none. What is done is done. Yes you need to mourn, yes you need to let time and introspection sooth the pain, but at some point, the only thing left to do is to move forward again.
The advice regarding this is that you need to drastically change your ways. Flip the way you live on its head. The cards point at getting out of this isolation mode, because the only thing holding you back is yourself in this case. It's like you're scared of going out into the world. You might not feel ready. You might not feel strong enough. You might not feel adequate for this world. But it's not true, it's just another result of overthinking your past hurt. It's time to step out and connect with other people. Celebrate, have fun, laugh, connect with others sincerely and without fear of not being understood. Yes some people won't get it but you'll also be pleasantly surprised by others, and you won't know until you tried.
It's time to leave the old behind, the old being those past hurt you're so familiar with, and this way of being you became so used to contain yourself in. You've spent enough time in the cocoon, now is time to break free from it and spread your wings. It might not be easy in the beginning, you might need to learn to fly again and it will be scary, but it's so, so worth it.
So ask yourself what living your life fully looks like to you. If you were completely free if nothing was holding you back, what would you want to? What would you want to become? Switch the overthinking from the tiny box you stuck yourself in, to the expansiveness of a mind that wants to reach to every corner of the world. The sky is the limit and it's time you look up.
Key words: breaking the shell, chrysalis, rebirth, being stuck in a maze of your own creation, scared to open up, meaningful connections, sunlight, removing the bandage
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PILE 3
Cards: 6 of Pentacles, 6 of Swords, 2 of Cups, 2 of Swords, 2 of Pentacles, 10 of Cups, Page of Swords, 3 of Cups, 5 of Swords, 7 of Swords, 10 of Pentacles, 8 of Pentacles, the Great Goddess, Spirit of the Tree
The theme of your reading today is centered around the way you connect to others, be they people or spiritual forces.
More precisely, in the act of service you do for others, with a strong emphasis on keeping the balance in the exchange and the necessity to preserving the harmony between your thoughts and feelings.
With two 6 cards in this position, this highlights reflecting on the way you find the middle point in the way you give and receive your time and energy, but also what it costs you mentally and emotionally. This is a general reading so it's quite nebulous without context, but to some it could point at a specific relationship, or if you're someone who provides service for others, it could point at that, and it could also be relevant for those who do spiritual work.
In any case, what you're clear on in this situation, is that you've reached a point of no return. It's just no possible to keep doing things as you're doing them right now. You've been contemplating this recently and reached the conclusion that you can't make everyone happy at all costs, despite your desire for things to be perfect for all involved. You are sacrificing yourself in the process, to an extent that is not healthy for you. Exchanges between people are never fully balanced and that's just reality, but in the long run you should find some type of balance and not just giving yourself to keep everyone happy but yourself.
What you don't see in this situation is that you're getting the short hand of the stick when it doesn't have to be the case. If every interaction feels like a battle that you have to fight to sourly win, then was it really a win? Others can be here for you as well, for support and enjoyable shared moments. You should be able to all get something from this. If they never give you that, is it truly worth investing yourself in it?
There is a strong need for protecting your boundaries mentally as well. You don't see how letting others step all over you is detrimental to the way you perceive life. It maintains you in your little box where you need to expand your horizon. I think you somewhat lost that side of you. The side that seeks truth, that is strongly rooted in its individuality and critical mind. The you that seeks mental stimulation and adventurous ideas.
For the advice, you need to be honest with yourself because from what I understand, you do see the situation clearly, but for some reason, you're not acting on it. It's like you're lying to yourself a bit. You keep trying to make things work in this very unbalanced state, harming yourself in this task for the sake of others.
You need to look further and think of your abundance and legacy. What will you be remembered for? For what you did to others? It's very noble of you, but what about your enjoyment of life? What about your personal goals? What about what your heart desires?
Think of trees: we now know that despite being fully rooted in themselves and being whole and independent life forms, they do live in community and are able to communicate with each others across species and help each other. The big tree provides shade to the small plants, and the small plants keep the ground moist and fertile. They all benefit from this and create an ecosystem for all to live in.
You are being called to re-balanced things within you and in your life. To get to the root of this blockage you have regarding exchange and service in order to transform yourself. Perhaps what you're doing is actually detrimental to your ultimate goal, and being a bit more focused on yourself, selfish, even, would be the key for more stability.
Key words: giving and receiving, overworking yourself, beneficial selfishness, harmony between extremes, losing yourself in the work, waking up to what matters to you, long term goal, the wisdom of trees, creation and destruction
#pick a card#PAC reading#pick a pile#pick a card reading#tarot reading#tarot#tarotblr#tarot community#divination#soaringwide#soaringwide tarot reading#pick an image#pick a photo#pick a picture
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Could you give me any insight on the safety of these feminine hygiene wipes I bought? I’m not sure how to tell if they’re going to give me a yeast infection or something lol
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(Note: I cannot see these well enough to describe them for others, sorry about that.)
Now, admittedly, I can't see these super well and I'm not an expert on the subject but I do have some thoughts.
The first red flag here is perfume. Perfume is almost always a genital irritant. (Which may be why it's listed as fragrance instead. Not sure.)
Also, lavender oil usually contains alcohol, which is also a genital irritant. (Both can cause vaginal dryness and mess with your pH, which can cause...you guessed it, yeast infections.)
Some of the other ingredients aren't always irritants but are definitely possible irritants and can cause yeast infections. (Propylene Glycol, Glycerin, etc)
Those were my first thoughts! But then I noticed the "Since 1920s" text and got a really bad feeling. The 1920s and a company propping themselves up for their "feminine hygiene products"? Not a good combination.
So, I looked up Modess. Turns out they're a proud offshoot of Johnson and Johnson and are partially still affiliated with them. Talk about flags redder than the communist flag, wow.
Johnson and Johnson is particularly infamous for their lack of testing and ignoring when their products were literally killing people and that's not even getting into the racism and misogyny. [Seriously. It's horrific.]
Now, beyond that, I looked at the Modess website. They sell loads of "feminine hygiene products", designed to eliminate odor with many questionable ingredients.
With that in mind and the fact that people who use things labeled as "feminine hygiene products" have been shown to have higher rates of all types of infections and even cancer, I wouldn't trust this shit any further than I could walk [which isn't far!]
I could absolutely be wrong but these genuinely seem sketchy as fuck and some of these ingredients definitely seem like a cocktail designed to give people, especially those with sensitive pHs, at least a yeast infection.
Sorry it took awhile to respond and sorry if I rambled a lot but I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions. <3
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☀️ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS PT.2💥
disclaimer :
DO NOT READ FURTHUR IF YOU ARE A MINOR!!
THIS CONTAINS MENTIONING OF seggs and bad words so please scroll if ur below 18+
THESE NOTES ARE ONLY A STUDY OF MINE AND HAS/HAS NOT BEEN PROVEN YET, SO IF IT DOES NOT RESONATE WITH YOU, FORGIVE ME AS IT WAS ONLY A STUDY/OBSERVATION OF MINE.
I DO NOT PILRIMIZE, COPY OR REWORD ANY OF MY FELLOW ASTROLOGY OBSERVERS POSTS AND I DEMAND THE SAME IN RETURN
Mercury in 1st house natives are very talkative beings lmao🙊
Mars in fixed signs(AQUARIUS,LEO,TAURUS,SCORPIO) won't take anybodys shit no matter what..if somebody ain't treating em right, they're always ready to fight back
Mars in cardinal signs(CAPRICORN,CANCER,LIBRA,ARIES) can control their temper and toleration levels when somebody's acting all shitty but when they can't take it anymore, you're done for.
Mars in mutable signs (PISCES,GEMINI,SAGITTARIUS,VIRGO) will most of the time tolerate ur shit and get pissed off internally. They won't show it although they do sometimes, its mostly always internal. suppressed anger and frustration.
Apollo-venus/neptune folks are very admiring. Apollo-venus/ 8th house people are charming and alluring whereas apollo-neptune/ 12th house people have ethereal or outwardly beauty. Apollo aspecting ascendant are attractive too. Ex: alexia demie has Apollo quintile venus, zendaya has Apollo in 8th house.
Adams-sun/moon/asc/Mc natives have a very masculine character or mascular body in a man's chart ex: Chris evans has Adam's trine sun, Dwayne Johnson has Adam's sextile moon.
people with aura/ascendant in harsh aspects with moon(esp. Square) could mean people sense ur aura/ energy to be "too emotional" or "cold ass bitch" vibe. the tension in these aspects can also manifest according to the placements, degrees and other aspects.
natives with sirene conjunct jupiter could have such a raw seducing energy and lots n lots of it by the way! They tend to have a very mysterious,sexy,alluring touch to them. its like they have this "cremé dé lá cremé" persona blended in them..it's just so fucking hot..I also feel these natives catch too much attention sometimes even when they don't intend on trying to catch anyone's attention. It can sometimes get really annoying for them too.
In your varuna persona chart usually I feel the native is born to gain world wide fame if their sun/moon conjunct asteroid varuna.
Melete-chiron/sun/moon/asc harsh aspects tend to become victims of anxiety disorders, panic attacks. Check the houses and signs to get more insight as well. Ex: zendaya has melete semi square moon and sesquiquadrate ascendant
Lacrimosa in 12th house natives emotions gets overwhelming when they're in bed or at night. These people could feel overwhelmed with grief and sadness at times and cry themselves to sleep
chiron in aquarius/ 11th house, can show a native getting severely wounded or experiencing trauma, anxiety, grief because of online platforms, social media, technology, anything techno like phones,laptops etc.also these natives never have good, honest friendships. It's always fake friends and getting cheated or left out by friends. These natives should be very careful when it comes to making friends as well. Ex: I have this placement and when I was 10 yrs old, my closest friend food poisoned me. still don't know why.
Saturn-venus natives are beautiful but it's somewhat of an energy that's sleeping in them or yet to sprout. These natives need to put in some self love and work to glow up, especially showing themselves love.these natives tend to dislike the way they look or always try to find some flaw in themselves but their beauty will truly shine only when they begin to love themselves and work on themselves more. (Esp. Harsh aspects)
Virgo lilith natives have a very reserved sex appeal. These people tend to be very picky and minimalistic when it comes to their sexual partners.people most of the time assume these natives to have less knowledge about sex but deep down these natives are just crazy internally. You'll know it when you meet a virgo lilith native.🤠💫Aspects and houses can differ too.
I feel like asteroids in special degrees 11°, 22°,0° also have a really strong or special effect on the native.
sun-mercury natives always look younger than their age. The native can also be very childish even after ageing so much.
Planets in Scorpio sign or where your scorpio is placed is where you keep things hidden, out of reach from others or have deep information about. Thats why when scorpio falls on someones ascendant they are seen as very mysterious and secretive. Ex: I have scorpio over 8th house and i keep my sexual life hidden(8H= sex,money,etc), my brother has scorpio in 3rd house and he knows a lot about my past than my mom, and also about the people in our neighborhood(3H= siblings,neighbours), my mother has scorpio moon so she does hide her emotions a lot. My sister has scorpio jupiter and she does lots and lots of researching and has a lot of knowledge about books and countries that most of the people don't know about.not even me🙂.
Pallas-ascendant(positive aspects) natives look wise and mature
Lots of planets aspecting to chiron can show a native who has been wounded so so many times in their life.
Sokrates conjunct neptune or in pisces/scorpio/ in 8th/12th house natives love deep conversations.they hate small talk and just wanna go so so deep.
Pallas conjunct neptune natives have so much spiritual wisdom.
Tone-pluto natives tend to have a raspy,deep touch to their voice.
Asteroids mentioned above :
apollo - 1862
Adams- 1996
Aura - 1488
Sirene - 1009
Varuna - 20000
Melete - 56
Lacrimosa - 208
Feel free to reblog and tag me when you do❤🙌🏻 Hope you all enjoyed. Thankyou.bye!❤ have a great day ahead!🏝☀️
#spiritualawakening#spirituality#spiritual enlightenment#witch community#witchery#astroblr#astro posts#astrology#astrology notes#astrology observations#astrology community#astro community#natal chart
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Tattoo
Pre-apocalypse!Negan x Reader (Negan is y/n's art teacher & also owns a tattoo shop).
Warnings: THIS IS THE FILTHIEST THING I'VE WRITTEN SO FAR and it's just going to get filthier from here on. smut, forbidden love, age-gap (reader is 18, negan is 38), angst, oral (female receiving), lots of sexual tension, slow burnnnn.(there's an actual plot this time), vaginal sex, public sex, breeding, slight daddy kink
Summary: After graduating and leaving behind the man she fell for but couldn't have, y/n decides to get a tattoo that reminds her of him. And he gives it to her.
A/n: ugh, this had me in my feels. A "hard to get" teacher Negan. basically you're negan's former student and he gives you a tattoo and things.. well - just read it.
"Well damn. I don't mean to be sentimental, but I have seriously enjoyed teaching you little shits. I hope you can take what you've learned and apply it to something. Be creative. Oh, and.. don't think about hitting me up on Instagram after this because I don't do social media. That shit is toxic. Remember that, kids."
The bell cuts Negan off before he can finish his inspirational speech. He's always had such a way with words.. should have been an English teacher instead.
Most of the students rush out like the room is on fire, with the exception of a few annoying girls that think he'll jump their bones now that school is out.
"So, Mr. Smith, since you don't have social media, can I get your number at least?" I cringe as she twirls her hair around her finger and her friends giggle obnoxiously behind her.
"Girls. Behave for once. A tip for college? Don't flirt with your professors." He warns while motioning them out the door.
I suddenly realize that my ass has been glued to my seat this entire time and I'm the only one still here. I quickly get up and throw my backpack over one shoulder. He stares at me from the doorway but I just look down as I walk towards him.
"Bye Mr. Smith."
"Nice try. Sit down." He shuts his door and walks back into the room pointing towards my chair for me to sit.
"Mr. Smith, y/n?" He mocks. "Seriously?"
I never call him that. He's always been Negan to me.
I've known him for 4 years now. He's the only art teacher at Alexandria High, and even though I have no interest in art, I've taken his class every year because I do have an interest.. in him.
What he doesn't know is that I've been making mental notes everyday for the past four years about all his interests, personal life, hobbies, you name it.
He loves the color red - because it's the only color expo marker he writes in.
His favorite lunch is two cigarettes and coke zero. I hate that he smokes.
He stopped coaching baseball last year because he said he didn't have time anymore. But I think it's actually because he's never cared for it to begin with.
He had a wife, but she passed away. Some kind of cancer. She's still his computer wallpaper, which tells me he still hasn't moved on even though it was six years ago. My heart hurts for him.
He wasn't lying - he doesn't have social media....I would have found it.
He sits at another student's desk right next to mine with his body facing me.
"You gonna tell me why the hell you look like your best fucking friend just died?"
I stare at the floor next to his shoes and try to think about anything other than fact that I'm never going to see him again.
"Look at me."
I slowly lift my eyes to his and can't stop the tear that escapes the second I see his face.
"Ah, shit." His expression turns serious when he notices my tears. "Look, kid. I -"
"Stop calling me kid." I snap.
He chuckles. "Hate to break it to ya y/n, but you are very much a kid in my eyes, which is why this thing -" he motions his hand towards me. "this.. crush you have on me - has to end today."
My eyes widen as I stare at him speechless. He seriously did not just assume I have a crush on him.
"Did you jus - You seriously think just because a few stupid girls want to get in your pants, it means everyone does?" I scoff. "Unbelievable. You're my teacher. I don't have a crush on you."
He laughs as if we both know I'm lying - which I am.
"Alright, I'm sorry I called you a kid. Now, you wanna tell me what's wrong?"
"It's just I - I'm gonna miss you." I instantly regret saying it.
He nods and looks at the floor, letting out a frustrated sigh.
"I'm sorry. I - I'm just gonna go." I get up to leave, leaving my heart with him. My stomach twists in a knot when I realize he isn't getting up to stop me.
Why would he?
Once I'm in the hall, I turn to take one last look at him. He's bent over with his hands through his hair as if his best friend just died.
Negan's POV: That fucking girl. In my twelve years of teaching, I've never cared about a student like I do her. I care about all of my students, but goddamn it, she's had me wrapped around her finger for longer than I'm comfortable to admit - And I never will. She fucking sucks at hiding her feelings. I knew from the first day she walked into my class that she wanted to jump on my dick. Hell, every girl does. But other girls bat their fake eyelashes at me and tell me how they feel. Y/n.. she's.. obsessed with me. She thinks I didn't notice her doodling my name in her notebook with little hearts. Or that I don't hear her whispering to her friends about the dreams she has about me. Or how she stares at me during lectures like she's on a different planet. And if that's not enough, the girl hates art. Yet she's chosen it as her elective every single year. She has straight A's in every class, but doesn't even try in mine. And yet.. my dumb ass still passed her with an A. Maybe because I'm obsessed with her too.
Back to Y/n's POV:
I cried on the way home that day.
While everyone else celebrated school ending with a party, I stayed in my room and cried while looking at his photo in the yearbook.
While everyone walked across the stage at graduation, my diploma came in the mail and I stayed home holding Negan's lucky baseball bat that he gave me last year.
My last day of junior year, I stayed after school to help Negan clean out his classroom so he could move into a bigger art room. That was the year he quit coaching. I replay the memory in my head more often than I should..
"Why do you have this bat just sitting in the corner?" "It brings me good luck. I hit a home run every game my senior year with that bat." "Your senior year? This bat is that old?!" "Watch it, kid." He rolls his eyes and throws some folders in a bin. "Hmm." I study the bat. "I could use some luck." "Keep it." I look at him confused. "But... it's your-" "I want you to have it." He cuts me off. "Are - Are you sure?" He sighs frustrated. "Do you not want it?" "Well, I mean, I do but -" "Then stop being stubborn and take it."
Ever since that day, his bat has been leaned up against the wall by my bed as a constant reminder of the man I want but can never have.
After a few weeks of feeling sorry for myself, my best friend tried convincing me to do something for myself since my birthday was coming up.
"Y/n, you should.. get your nails done, go buy some new clothes, do.. something. But you need to get out of that room. It's... depressing."
"I think I want a tattoo."
"Oh, okay, yeah. That's a good idea. What are you wanting to get?" She asks from the other end of the phone.
"I dunno." My eyes drift towards the bat. "Something meaningful."
The next day...
Lucille's
The tattoo shop sign reads. I swing the door open, excited for the first time in a month. The sound of tattoo guns and rock music fills the lobby.
"Hey, welcome to Lucille's. Do you have an idea of what you'd like or do you want to see some of our work?" The woman on the other side of the counter pulls out a binder.
"Oh, no, I think I know what I want already." I smile and pull up the picture on my phone before showing her.
"Okay, we can do that. Shouldn't take too long either. An hour tops. I can actually take you now in room 3." The so-called "rooms" aren't actually rooms, but rather closed off sections with tall walls on each side. From where I'm standing, I can't see the people in the tattoo chair, but I can see the top of the tattoo artists' heads if I stand on my tippy-toes.
She leads me to room 3 and I sit in the chair while she gets out the instruments.
"This your first tattoo?"
"Yeah, kinda nervous."
She smiles. "I'd tell you not to worry, but, sorry babe. It's gonna hurt."
I appreciate her honesty and just smile back at her.
"So, where do we want it?" she holds the printed off picture off of the tattoo I want.
I lean back in the chair, putting my legs up, so I'm laying down. I lift my shirt up right above my belly button and slightly pull my shorts down, revealing my pubic bone. "Right here." I point to the left side of where my panty line would be but lower.
After I confirm the placement, she presses the needle to my skin and I bite my bottom lip at the sudden pain that radiates throughout my hip.
"Breathe, babe. You got this."
After a couple seconds, she turns in her chair to load more ink into the gun.
"Y/n?" I hear from the entrance behind me.
I know that voice without turning to look. My eyes widen and the girl tattooing me looks at him.
"Hey boss, you two know each other?" She looks between the two of us.
I look back at him and see him nod at her. "I'll finish her up, Ruby. Thanks." He takes the tattoo gun from her and sits in her chair when she gets up to leave. The scent of leather and cigarettes fills the small room and I realize how much I missed it.
He pauses when he looks down at my skin and I can't tell if he's staring because of my tattoo of choice or because I'm almost completely exposed. If I didn't just shave, half of my pubic hair would be on display to him.
The way he's looking at my skin wakes the butterflies in my stomach and I have to mentally tell myself not to clench my legs together. He looks up at me through heavy eyelids and for the first time in four years, I'm unable to read him. I can't tell if he's disappointed, mad... or turned on...?
He looks back at the tattoo and shakes his head, sighing.
Okay, it's definitely a look of disappointment.
"You realize I have to finish this now that she's already started it, right?" He studies the lines already permanently marked in my skin. The faint purple lines of where the sticker was placed give away the complete outline of what the tattoo will be. "There's still time to change it though."
"What? What do you mean.. change it? I want this one."
"No." Is all he says and my eyes widen in shock at him.
"You can't tell me what to do Negan. I'm an adult, and I'm getting it."
"Why?" He snaps, frustration dripping from his tone.
He looks into my eyes for the first time since he's been in the room and the butterflies in my stomach have now gone wild.
"Because I... I want a piece of you with me always."
He closes his eyes and drops his head. My eyes start to water but I hold them back the best I can.
"Y/n." He shakes his head but to my surprise, he hesitantly places his left hand on my thigh, his fingers dangerously close to the spot I've imagined him touching a million times. The feel of his rough fingers on my bare skin ignites a flame in me I didn't know existed and all I do is stare at his hand.
"Relax." He rolls his eyes and starts the gun. He leans down closer and begins tattooing me.
I have to bite back the moan threatening to escape my lips. With Ruby.. it hurt. But with Negan, it.. almost feels good.
He glances up at me as if he can hear my thoughts and then goes back to gliding a straight line of ink across my skin.
The next few moments are spent in silence, with nothing but the sounds of the tattoo gun and music playing in the distance.
"Fuck, y/n. I'm gonna need these off so I can get to you better." He gestures at my shorts.
My eyes widen but I nod and slide them off, barely breathing now that I'm laying in front of Negan in just my underwear. The way his jaw ticks when he sees that I'm wearing red lace panties doesn't go unnoticed. His favorite color.
He places his hand back on my leg, this time with his fingers completely against my inner thigh. I slightly part my legs without thinking and he pauses to glance at me before continuing with the tattoo.
If he moved his finger half an inch upwards, he would be touching me.
"I never knew you worked at a tattoo shop." I break the silence, hoping to get my mind off his hand.
He chuckles. "I own it, darlin'. And there's a lot you don't know about me."
Another long pause happens before he speaks first this time.
"Why did you take art, y/n?"
"Uh.. I dunno, because I liked it."
He huffs out a laugh. "You liked it... or me?"
I shrug. "Both."
His face turns serious again and he stops the tattoo gun. "All done."
He backs away and motions for me to stand up and look in the mirror in the corner. I stand in front of it, but don't even notice my tattoo because my eyes catch Negan in the mirror staring at my ass. These panties don't leave much to the imagination and my cheeks redden at how much I'm exposed to him.
He suddenly looks up and makes eye contact with me in the mirror. His eyes are darker than usual and filled with lust.
"Come here." He demands and I obey, walking towards him.
Once I'm standing in front of him, he lifts his hands to grab my hips. My belly button is eye level to him and I look down, watching him intensely. His thumbs dig into my hips and he looks at the tattoo.
"Do you like it?" I ask him.
He ignores me and it makes my heart break a little more. "Lay back down, y/n." He gets up to pull the curtain over the entrance of the room.
I do as he says and he comes back, placing a clear tape bandage over the fresh tattoo.
He looks as if he's deep in thought before suddenly sliding his hands underneath my thighs and pulling me closer to him. He pushes my leg aside and rests my other foot in his lap until my legs are completely spread apart in front of him.
"You want me to touch you, y/n? Is that what you want?"
"Yes.."
"Tell me what you want, baby."
"Your mouth."
He chuckles darkly and kisses the inside of my thigh before sliding his fingers under my panties and ripping them apart.
He shoves them in the back of his jean pocket and wraps his arms around my thighs, holding my stomach down with his hands and leaning his head down closer.
"Look at this pretty pussy, baby. So wet for me you're glistening."
His eyes look up at me right before he licks me and my head falls back with pleasure.
He stops suddenly. "Eyes on me, darlin'. How many times have you imagined me between your legs? You're going to watch me eat this pussy, y/n."
I nod, looking at him and he continues. The sound of other people talking in the distance makes my senses even more heightened.
He licks me again, pressing his tongue into me harder this time. He moans as he stops at my clit and gently sucks it into his mouth. I moan and watch him as he looks like he's eating the best meal he's ever had.
"You taste even better than I imagined, baby."
"You.. imagined it?"
"Baby. You aren't the only one who daydreams in class." He says before dipping his tongue deep inside me.
He switches back and forth between licking me and sucking me until my moans get louder and faster.
"Negan, I'm gonna.."
"I know baby, give it to me." He rubs me with his tongue faster until I'm coming apart. His hand quickly covers my mouth and I cry out into his hand.
"Fuck, doll." He groans and adjusts himself through his jeans. "This pussy is about to make me cum in my pants like I'm a fucking teenager again."
"Negan.." I say out of breath. "I wanna touch you. Please."
He stands and picks up my shorts, but not before I see the huge bulge in his pants. He helps me put my shorts on and I look at him confused when he doesn't say anything.
"Nega-"
"No, y/n."
My eyes water with tears as I stand to finish pulling my shorts up. "I - I don't understand."
"This can't happen, baby. I shouldn't have touched you."
I nod. "So that's it, Negan? You get what you want and that's it.. you're just.. done with me?"
"Are you fucking serious? You think I got what I wanted? I'm standing here with a hard-on that's gonna give me a giant case of blue balls. Any other man would throw you on this table and take you right here."
"Then why don't you?!"
"Because I fucking.. I care about you. You happy now? I fucking CARE ABOUT YOU, y/n. And I'm not going to break your heart."
I wipe a tear that runs down my cheek. "You already did." I grab my purse and rush out of the room, stopping in front of Ruby on the way out and pulling out some cash.
"I'm sorry hun." She says empathetically as if she heard everything that just happened.
I cry harder and lay the cash down before leaving and walking to my car. Before I can open my car door, Negan is grabbing my arm and turning me around to face him.
"Goddamn it, listen to me!"
I don't fight him, I just stare at him, noting the hurt in his eyes. My heart hurts and I suddenly feel guilty for making him feel any ounce of pain.
"Y/n.. look.."
"No." I cut him off. "Negan, I'm sorry. This is my fault.. I put you in this situation because I was selfish.. and delusional. I'm so sorry. I'll leave, and you won't have to hear from me or see me again."
He scoffs. "You think that's what I want? I guess you don't know me the way I thought you did."
Before I can say anything else, he crashes his lips to mine and kisses me so hard and but so softly at the same time. His fingers slip through my hair and his hand rests on the back of my neck as he deepens our kiss.
"You're gonna be the death of me, kid."
I bite his lip hard when he calls me kid and our kiss goes from passionate to animalistic. He presses himself flat against me with my back against my car and I feel his hard cock straining against his jeans. His lips travel to my neck and he bites me hard, right before kissing and sucking the sensitive spot.
That's definitely going to leave a mark.
"You have no clue what you do to me, baby." He says in between kisses. His voice is raspier and deeper than usual. "Do you have any idea how many times I've left work and had to rub one out at the thought of you? Hell, sometimes even at work."
I look around the parking lot. It's nighttime but we're still clearly visible in the lights.
"Look at me, y/n. Forget where we are and just focus on me baby." His hand slips into my shorts and it takes him no time to find my soaked entrance since my panties are currently in his back pocket.
"Negan.." I breathe.
He smiles against my lips. "Baby.. You sure this is what you want? Because once I've had you, you're mine."
I nod and he puts his mouth next to my ear.
"Take your shorts off. Now." He pulls his hand from my shorts and sucks my juices off his fingers.
"But, Negan, we're-"
"I said, now y/n. You want me so bad, you're gonna get me wherever and however I say. Now, take your fucking shorts off before I rip them too."
I hesitantly slide my shorts off while looking around again. There aren't any other cars in the parking lot other than a couple of his employees. All the customers left. There's a main road up ahead but we're far enough away where they wouldn't see us unless they we're staring really hard.
"Good girl. Now take my cock out, baby."
He leans his hands against my car on either side of me, trapping me in. I waste no time reaching for the button on his jeans and unzipping him before pulling out his hard, huge cock. It's bigger than I imagined.. a lot bigger. I don't know how that thing is going to even fit in me. He's so hard that the veins in his cock look like they are about to erupt and his tip is already dripping with precum.
I can't help but run my thumb over the tip to collect some and bring it to my mouth to taste him. His eyes darken with lust at the sight of me sucking his precum off my finger.
"Taste good, doll?"
I nod and he chuckles. "There's a lot more where that came from."
He grips the back of my thigh with his hand and pulls my right leg around his waist.
The feeling of his dick rubbing against my wet pussy is enough to make my knees weak. Literally. I almost collapse at the sensation of him rubbing the head against my opening, teasing me. He presses his body closer to me in attempt to hold me up.
"Fuck, look at this dripping pussy." He looks down between us, admiring the view of his cock teasing my wet slit. "It's about to be dripping with my cum in a few minutes.. You ready for me, baby?"
"Yes, please. I need you."
He enters me completely in one swift motion, not giving me anytime to adjust. My walls are stretched further than they've ever been and it feels like the tip of him is buried up to my stomach.
He doesn't move for a moment, but instead looks into my eyes with his cock all the way inside of me. "There you go, baby. Finally getting what you wanted after all these years and taking my dick like a champ."
"Negan.." I moan. "Please.. just fuck me."
He pulls out of me almost completely before slowly pushing himself back in, agonizingly slow. Our bodies are flush against each other and he kisses me again.
"Fuck, baby." He growls. "You. Feel. So. Fucking GOOD." He says between thrusts as my mouth falls open.
I wrap my arms around his neck to hold myself up and lean against him with my lips pressed against his neck. I take the opportunity to mark him back, grabbing his skin between my teeth and sucking hard. He moans so loud that I glance around to make sure no one heard him, but we're still alone.
His thrusts get harder and faster and the sounds coming from his sexy mouth are enough alone to make me cum.
"Look at me, y/n. I want to see your face when you cum all over my cock."
His hand that was on the car behind me slides between us, instantly finding my clit. He begins rubbing circles on it with his middle finger while thrusting his hips into me faster.
I look into his eyes while my arms are still wrapped around his shoulders tightly, keeping me in place. My fingers run through his dark hair and my breathing goes erratic as I feel myself come undone around him.
"You want me to fill you up, baby? You want daddy's cum?"
I nod quickly as tears run down my cheeks from the most intense orgasm I've ever had.
"FUCK, baby." He groans and slams his mouth against mine. I kiss him back as he rides out his orgasm.
He pulls out of me slowly and softly kisses my lips one more time. I go to put my shorts on and he stops me.
"Not so fast, doll." He gets down on his knees in front of me, pushing my legs apart in front of him. "Push daddy's cum out baby. Let me see it drip out of you."
I do as he says and the feeling of his warm seed running down my legs is almost enough to send me over the edge again.
"Look. At. THAT." He swipes up some of his cum from my leg onto his finger and stands back up but not before gently kissing my new tattoo.
I think I love this man.
He rubs his finger along my lips until my mouth opens for him. I suck his fingers clean and moan at the taste of him.
"Y/n." He pushes my hair behind my ear and looks at me seriously. "I meant it when I said I care about you."
"You care about all your students."
"Yeah, but I don't go sticking my dick in them." He smirks and takes my hand, leading me back into the shop.
The others must have already left when - when.. oh.. shit.
"Negan, do you think they saw us?!"
"Well darlin', I was fucking your brains out right next to the door, so I think it's probably safe to assume so." He grins and my eyes widen with horror.
"Do you not care?"
"What can they do, doll? Fire me?" He laughs and leads me to the back where his office is.
"What are we doing in here?"
"Getting matching tattoos, of course."
I stare at him, trying to register what he just said. "You're.. going to give yourself a tattoo?"
He chuckles and hands me a tattoo gun before taking off his shirt and sitting on the couch in the corner.
"No, doll, you are."
Part 2 here
#jdm x reader#jdmfanfiction#jdmorgan#jeffrey dean morgan#negan#dead city#jeffrey dean morgan x reader#negan fanfiction#negan oneshot#negan imagine#daddy negan#jdm x you#jeffrey dean morgan x you#jeffrey dean morgan fanfiction#jdm fanfiction#negan au#negan x you#the walking dead#teacher negan#professor negan#coach negan
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Late Night Hanma Blurb
A/n: Thought abt this during an itty-bitty road trip today. Smoker Hanma does smth to the chemicals in my brain. Forgive me for any lengthy bad writing. I've had a long day and I just wanna yip yap about one of my fav crazies 🙇
CW: Hanma can give two shits about your lung health but chooses not to when he feels like it, intimidation, threats of forced drug usage, sometimes forced participation in violent activities, thoughts of lovers suicide/murder(?), and whatever other yappin I put in here.
Hanma who smokes a fuck ton and doesn't mind giving you the good ol' second-hand effects of it, but absolutely detests you doing it on your own.
He snatches the stick from your mouth and holds it up and away from you with a small grit in his teeth. Hanma glares down in some curiosity but clearly squints in irritation.
"The hell is this? Don't tell me I'm being a bad influence on you now. If I catch you with one of these again, I won't let you off the hook so easily. You got it, Y/n?"
When you retort, telling him it's no different from when he does it and it is your own choice whether he likes it or not, he merely scoffs with a tilt of his narrow head. Throwing down the cigarette, the sound of his sneaker stomping and scraping it out against the pavement echos through the air with an annoying presence. Shuji demands the rest of your stash with a looming stare that can only put you into a state of sinking discimfort.
"Come on, don't be stubborn. Ya know, if you wanna do it so bad, why don't you try the whole pack? Mine too since it's a shitload better than that cheap stuff."
Reluctant on suffocation and early lung cancer, you begrudgingly hand over your smokes to him. Hanma smacks down on the box with an evidently loud shot of noise and slides it out of your palm--- pocketing it. He stretches out narrow smile as he leans down towards you.
"See, now it ain't so hard to listen."
He's still ticked off by the fact you think you can do whatever to your body without his permission, but since Shuji is so generous, he'll let you learn from your mistakes. See, he can be nice.
Don't test him though. Next time you're caught defying his selfish wishes, he's beating you down with degrading language and probably also beating whoever was involved. The convenience store employee that sold you the cigs, vape, or maybe even chewing tobacco? Yeah he's taking out his held back frustration on them. Bro is jumping over the counter and tearing their shit up.
Avoiding him because of his brutal and honest-to-God psychopathic personality? Now that's just cruel. Shuji is dragging your ass by the back of your shirt and pushes you to his motorcycle. The leopard print on the back of the bike makes you wanna barf every time you see it, but you got to keep it down if you wanna have enough energy to deal with him. He'll take you out no matter where you are at in that point of time and make you remember who he is; who you think you're messing with.
"Y/n, how many times do I have to tell you? Aim for the nose. That's easy for amateurs like you. Actually, lemme show you how to really deliver a jaw breaker-"
Yeah, he'll show you just how bad it can get with some random thugs on the street. You should be grateful with how gentle he's treating you. Instead of ending up with facial fractures, you have nice dates and thoughtful gifts. He's even teaching you a few tricks. How lucky can you get?
"I'm all done. Shit, I'm starved. Let's go grab a bite to eat, kay?"
Hanma thinks the only way you'll ever keep paying attention to him is if he keeps you and your actions in line. If you go off doing your own thing, his usually unmoving heart can't just stand there and watch you slowly leave him. Despite the negativity be brings into your life, he actually gets really fuckin anxious when he doesn't know or understand what you're doing. It's so troublesome how you make him feel. Yeah, being bored as shit is bad, but seeing you, the only thing that could ever bring him down to his knees unwillingly, slip away with nothing but disdain for him? Fuck no. He won't accept it. Shuji would rather kill you and then himself than have to bear the strange feeling of pain, or what other people call heartbreak, by his lonesome self.
Should he ever say he loves you, that would be the point of no return for the both of you. His hands have you tight in his clutches. No way out, no way back in for anyone else.
#yandere#x reader#yandere blog#male yandere#yandere x reader#yandere tokyo revengers#yandere tokyo revengers x reader#yandere tr#tokyo revengers fandom#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers x reader#tr#hanma#hanma shuji#yandere hanma shuji#hanma x reader#yandere hanma x reader#tbh i kin him but like in some aspects#so naybe thats likeeee why hes emo at the end#BUT EYYYY DID I COOK OR DID I BLOW TS UP??#😔😔#well i think it came out better than I expected#been in a writing mood for a while#ig all the reading got me doin flips n shit now#gave me confidence n direction too if#ig**#ehehe#dont lemme wake up n lemme see some ass writing#im actually gonna pray dude#🙏🙏🙏
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