#why can't i just shut up and stop writing these stupid posts about my feelings

[radioactive-cloud]

i want to go back to october-november of last year so badly

[uravichii]

"best friends who kiss?"

character/s: bakugo katsuki

summary: recently, your best friend has been kissing you at random times. you have no idea why because he refuses to talk about it. either way, you're not about to let this to ruin your precious friendship.

genre & trope: fluff, best friends to lovers, angry confessions, reader is terrified of love but bakugo wants them so bad 😁, tw kind of ooc bakugo

a/n: i've been watching a lot of pride & prejudice and bridgerton scenes n i'm now obsessed angry confessions 🤩 + this is heavily inspired by that scene in little women :) ALSO i haven't posted in a year 😟 so pls be nice ik my writing's rusty in this :'D

the first time bakugou katsuki kissed you, he pretended he never did.

"what... " you brush your fingers against your bottom lip, your whole face hot. "what the hell was that for?"

"what?" bakugo shrugs, feigning innocence as he takes a swig of his soda.

you try and trace back the events that could have led to the kiss.

you said something along the lines of: "i wish i had a boyfriend. i could definitely pull a cute guy off the street."

then you heard him scoff and say: "no man's sane enough to put up with your insufferable ass." ーor something more insulting than that.

you can't remember what you said in response, and you rack your brain to figure out what prompted him to grab your face and kiss you. it's impossible when all you can think about is the unexpected supple feel of his lips, its faint ghost still lingering on yours.

"that kiss, katsuki! you violated my mouth!"

"dunno what you're talking about. you hit your head or something?"

you blink and second-guess yourself for a second.

"okay, no. you're not gonna gaslight your way out of this." you swat his arm, earning an irked glare from him. "why the hell did you kiss me?"

"you're imagining things, idiot. this stupid game's givin' ya some serious brain damage for sure."

he stands up and swings his bag over his shoulder.

"where are you going? we're not done yetー!"

and he's out of the door.

was he drunk off his soda? maybe he kissed you to mess with your head. he's not that cruel though, you think. maybe he couldn't think of any other way to shut you upー that was something he always struggled with after all.

at least the second time bakugo katsuki kissed you, he was kind enough to warn you.

after enduring the most awkward hour-long study session with him, you decide to put an end to your agony by wrapping it up. you start gathering your things when he stops you with a calloused hand on your wrist.

"what?" you turn to him, your cheeks already heating up from his touch.

there are no thoughts you could read behind those vermillion eyes, and all of a sudden, you don't know your best friend very well anymore.

he walks some tentative steps closer to you until the back of your knees hit the table. he cradles your jaw with such delicacy you didn't even know he was capable of. he slips past your awaiting lips and presses his nose on the side of your head, his warm breath kissing your flushed skin.

"punch me in the face and scram if you don't want this, got it?"

you gulp and forget to answer if not for the gentle squeeze on your wrist. "y/n, you got it?"

"s-sure."

when you two kiss, it's different from last time. it's unhurried, curious, and so intoxicating. the kiss speaks: 'i want you. i want you. i want you' but whose thoughts are these?

he groans into your lips as if to urge you to keep up with the sheer hungriness that has consumed him. you try your best to do so as he deepens the kiss with a palm on the back of your head and practically drinks you in. he doesn't pull away until he hears the tiny whine that escapes you.

"shit, sorry." he mutters, avoiding your stunned gaze.

"t's okay."

"did i hurt you?" the quiet lilt of his voice surprises you.

"no, no. i'm okay, but why'd you kiー"

"bye." he blurts out as he turns to the door and leaves, as if he didn't just invaded your mouth and permanently tainted the years of friendship you two have had. you click your tongue as the heat subsides in your cheeks.

"son of a bitch."

the third time bakugo katsuki kissed you, you let him, and he didn't stop.

you had barely escaped death when you lost your footing while sparring with todoroki. naturally, bakugo yelled the poor guy's ear off and would have murdered him if eraserhead hadn't interfered at the last second.

now, you find yourself heaving in your bed. you don't know whether your hastened pulse is from the adrenaline rush or from the fact that bakugo is all over you right now.

he's planting feather-light kisses all over youー your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, your eyelids, your hands, and your wrist, as panicked murmurs spill out of him in between kisses. 'you scared the hell out of me. you have no idea, fuck. are you okay? are you really okay? tell me you're okay, y/n.'

"i'm okayー" you barely manage to gasp before he dips his lips into yours, desperate and frantic. tremulous hands find solace in your hips as he holds you, gentle enough not to mar your injuries but snug enough to assure his restless heart that you are safe.

your head feels hazy. your limbs ache and lie motionless, and though your lips could barely move to reciprocate his kisses as much as you wanted to, bakugo didn't stop. you tried to ask him about it the next morning, but of course, he ignored you and walked away.

you don't know when he stopped kissing you that night. all you know is that there was a line that was crossed, and your friendship was never going to be the same again.

bakugo katsuki is going to kiss you again. your heart thrums incessantly. whether it's dread or anticipationー you don't know.

you think about the sensation of his lips that's become so familiar to you that you've learned to crave it. it shouldn't be familiar to you, and you sure as hell shouldn't want it. so you do what you think is necessary.

you kick him in the shin.

"motherfー!" sure enough, he's pissed. "what the hell is wrong with you?!"

"what the hell is wrong with you?!"

"i was going toー"

"no! you're not gonna kiss me again and walk away and pretend it never happened. you're messing with my head, katsuki! it's not funny!"

"wasn't trying to be funny!" he barks back.

"okay, so what exactly are you trying to do? what is this? i meanー" you stammer, struggling to find the words. "katsuki, what are we?"

he sighs and shifts his stance, his discomfort apparent. when the silence lingers on for too long, you speak.

"well, whatever it is that you want from me, we're going to stay friends. nothing more, nothing less. that's it." your breath hitches, and you don't know why you feel like crying as you speak. "... so i don't want your stinky mouth anywhere on me again."

silence weighs heavily between you. sometimes you wish you didn't know him too well, then the hurt he veils in his eyes wouldn't be so plain and vivid to you, and you would have walked away by now without an ounce of remorse.

"i like you, y/n." is all he could say when he finally speaks.

you shake your head. "no, you're just confused."

"i'm not confused. i like you."

"katsuki, you've been bitchless all your life, and i'm just the closest thing to a s/o. maybe go take a walk or something."

"i like you." he persists. "i've liked your stupid ass forー"

"stop saying that. you don't."

"i do, and you like me tooー"

"what?!" you laugh incredulously.

'who does this dumbass think he is?' is he right? surely, he's not. then what are you so afraid of in the first place? why have you been counting down the days until he kisses you again? why do you yearn for his touch as if it's something you own? why do you feel so infuriated and so tormented when he leaves the room after kissing you?

you do what is necessary again.

"you're delusional!" you yell at his face, a childish shrill that's awfully familiar to your childhood best friend.

"jesus christ." he inhales sharply in frustration. "you're a fucking pussy, y/n."

you clench your jaw and match his glare. anger surges in your chest and bleeds into your voice.

"i'm not the one who chickens out after kissing their best friend! you can't even acknowledge the fact that you kissed me because you'reー!"

"do you think i want to chicken out? why do you think i run away after kissing you?! if i stayed and confessed all this shit the first time, you would've refused to hear it like the damn coward you are!" he leans close to you, his voice lowering into a ragged snarl that quickens your pulse. "and you're just proving it right now, y/n. you're always going to shut this down and deny your feelings because you're a fucking pussy. you're terrified of relationships, and it's dumbest shit ever. pathetic, really."

you rear back from his words. if anything, you always thought it was katsuki who was afraid of love. now, you can't help but feel small and vulnerable underneath his searing gaze.

"it's not dumb..." you shuffle uncomfortably. "what, i'm supposed to ruin our friendship for a relationship that we're going to break off anyway?"

"we're not going to break it off."

"how do you know that?"

"because i'll be the best goddamn boyfriend in the world!"

"first of all, gross." you scoff. "second of all, it's never gonna work out! you're going to get sick of me in three days max."

"i've known you since we were brats, and i still want you."

"you literally said no man's sane enough to put up with my obnoxious ass."

he smirks. "i said 'insufferable ass'."

"katsuki!" you fight the urge to strangle him and punch that stupid smile off his face.

"wasn't even serious that time." he grimaces and reluctantly continues. "you know damn well you can pull any guy you want, and he'd be the luckiest bastard on earth."

if it were any other day, you'd grin at him and say 'i told you so,' but your lips remain unmoved, and your eyes stay dim. you're afraid you'll never go back to being the same katsuki and y/n again.

"this is pointless, katsuki. i mean, look! we're already fighting." you grouch and tell yourself you don't want this. "i still don't want us to happen so while this friendship is still salvable, let's agree to stay friends, and whatever sappy shit you feel for meー suck it up."

in one swift motion, he closes the distance between you, his face hovering dangerously over yours.

"suck it up?" he breathes, his face taut in frustration. "restraining myself from you is the hardest shit i've ever had to do. it takes everything in me not to kiss your stupid face!"

he shudders, weakly resting his forehead against yours as if this conversation alone has exhausted him. still, he goes on.

"and everytime i failedー everytime i kissed those lips, it was... a moment of weakness, but that's the fucking problemー you're just..." he buries his face into the crook of your neck, a desperate attempt to escape your wide-eyed gaze. "i'm weak for you, y/n. every second. and it drives me fucking insane that you keep running away from me."

he rises to meet your eyes again. the cadence of his voice changes into something weak and desperate, stripped of all the pride and anger he's ever known.

"i love youー fuck. i love you." he lets the words hang in the air, letting the words hear itself spoken because for once, you're not stopping him. "i love you, so please... let me."

after much thought and another agonizing minute of silence, you lean in to kiss bakugo katsuki.

he kisses back almost instantly and revels in the way you wrap your arms around his neck and bear your weight on him completely. he kisses back ardently, his pent-up desires and years of longing etched in the way he seeks your lips, kiss after kiss after kiss.

when you finally pull away, you're met with a devilish smirk, his begging eyes long gone. you wonder to yourself when you'll see those eyes again.

"took ya long enough." he kisses you again. he raises a brow at the way you're caging him in your arms. "jesus, no one's gonna snatch me from you."

"i'm making sure you don't run away again, dumbass."

"i won't." he says earnestly as he props his forehead against yours. "and you won't either. i'll make sure of that."

you nod your head with a giddy smile as he pecks your lips again.

"so..." you say as you exaggerate a pensive look, a cheeky grin spreading across your face. "we're best friends who occasionally kiss?"

he rolls his eyes. "you're impossible."

"recite that speech again, and i'll consider calling you my boyfriend."

"fuck off!"

TAGLIST [1/2] @uxavity @joy-the-reader @kiiraes @escapenightmare @afk-dreaminq @avocamich @theboredvee @wonderwrench @ur-local-simp @p-ol @x0xuglyh0tgrl2005xoxo @cosmonettica @melin-oe @mitzi127 @lilac-o @r2katsu @bakucumsackslut @idunnomynamesince2005 @astralwaifu @taurus852 @creepyproxies @maycat-19-142 @stella-fleurets @veenxys @devilgirlcrybabiey @drawingaddict @kageyama-i-want-tobiors @lexiv-web @angelshimaa @izukus-gf @christiansdior @homosexualjohnwayne @uwiuwi @hirugummies @cupidines @loveisningning (bold couldn't be tagged)

[oscconfessions]

Stupid and incomprehensible (/srs) ii rant incoming. This post was fact checked by REAL American patriots ✅✅✅

The people that are shitting on ii and saying it's ruined are so fucking funny to me. No, ii16/ii17 wasn't contradictory or out of character. You literally just created your own story in your head and then got mad when it didn't come to fruition. Like dawg that was all you. You created your own problems to be mad at. Just admit your interpretations were wrong. It's not that hard.

NO BUT YOU GUYS ARE SO FUCKING MISERABLE. IT'S A KID'S SHOW. GROW UP. YEAH IT'S NOT FUCKING SHAKESPEARE BUT YOU'RE ACTING LIKE THE FINALE IS THE WORST THING THAT'S EVER GRACED THE EARTH. You guys can't enjoy ANYTHING AND IT SHOWS. "Oh my godd my sugar plum is SO out of character!! The twist came from NOWHERE" are you on the writing team? Have you been planning this for a DECADE? No?? Shut up. Your writing opinions are about as valuable as five Nickel plushies. Just please shut the fuck up. It's not even that they're objectively wrong, it's that they're so fucking annoying. Like the confidently wrong "if you think differently you have no media literacy" type of annoying. I'm in like five other different fandoms and none of them make me feel drained after interacting with them like the ii fandom. Yes I'm separating them from the osc entirely cause they're a different breed. Hell, the ONE community reacted better to their ending than how ii fans are rn. Which is saying a lot because iykyk.

HOWEVER. I am NOT saying I want the ii community to become an echo chamber where everyone believes that Inanimate Insanity is a gift sent down from the Gods because it isn't. There's definitely things wrong with it. And even if it was a gift sent from the God's we are NOT gonna have a massive circle jerk because our favorite show is so cool.

Again, however, the criticism that ii receives isn't even criticism. It's just people bitching and moaning and it's so draining reading their massive walls of text because they're so fucking CONDESCENDING. Oh yeah you're definitely superior because your take on why the past two episodes are the worst lemme just bend over and suck your dick because that's what you want right?? To blow smoke up your ass and say that you're so amazing and smart and that everyone who disagrees with you lacks media literacy?? I FUCKING HATE THE PHRASE MEDIA LITERACY AND I'VE ONLY STARTED HATING IT BECAUSE YOU GUYS GOT YOUR GREASY FINGERS ONTO IT.

Anyways that's it. I've definitely talked about this before but idc people need to stop being miserable and start frolicking in the flowers. Yes, recognize that your favorite show has flaws, but get your head out of your ass and stop having a superiority complex. And stop making shit up in your head. Write an au fanfic or something instead idk just stop whining about how the show is somehow wrong. You people were literally complaining about ii17 the same day it came out. Why do you have so much hate in your heart.

Btw it's late for me. These are just all of my unfiltered thoughts so I'm like really annoying rn and I definitely would have worded this better but idc lol. Definitely going anon for this one.

[thebottomfromhell]

Can I request the upper moon (+ enmu and Muzan if it's not too much trouble) yandere, with a female reader who can travel between universes, so it's sooo easy for her to escape and not come back?. I love your writing, you are in my top 3 of my fav writers 🤍

Thank you for the compliment.

I didn't know what kind of "travel between universes" you meant. Like... multiverse, different fandom worlds, isekai type. Also traveling like a magical girl? Science-fic tech? I decided to focus more in the yandere-ish characters post-Carmen (my reference to the Opera), I was listening Habanera Carmen while writting.

Female Interdimensional traveler reader scaping Yandere! Uppermoon (+ Enmu and Muzan)

Warnings: Mamga spoilers, Yandere character, Excesive use of violence, Threats to reader, Mentioned non-character demon death, One-sided feelings (not from reader), No happy ending for demons, Reader is moraly ambiguous.

Enmu:

Sleep. You should sleep, dream by his side so he can build a paradaise all for you. He can't understand why you fight him, but Enmu is willing to try as long as you give yourself to him. "I promise to be nice, you will have everything you could want and I will have your body well taken care of. Why would you deny us both such a wonderful future? Can't you see everything about me aches for you?" He doesn't shut up, sometimes you wonder if he just loves the sound of his own voice. Anyway, you were planning to leave already, so you reach out to open a portal to- "Sleep."

You manage to open the portal before the sound finishes to reach your ears, making you fall through the interdimentional leak as you close your eyes. Emnu can only look at the scene, not fully understanding what is hoing on as your body fades into... something, and that something dissapears the second you crossed it. Taking you. "Hey... Y/N.... my lovely girl this is not funny." He tries to reach you nerviously.... you are asleep, he himself made you sleep, yet he can't feel you. Wherever you are, he can't get you.

"You have to be kidding me. What is this? Some kind of nightmare?" He has a nervious smile that becomes everytime more forced, wrenched, to every second it passes and he can't even feel you. Are you awake? Are you dead? Where? If anything had to happen to you he wanted to be there! Now you are gone! "Y/N.... Y/N, darling? C'mon, don't do this to me. I love you...." but you are gone.... are you planning to come back for him?

Gyutaro (ft. Daki):

You left.... you fucking left... you fu- "Onii-chan?" Fuckfuckfu- he can't. He has to control himself, he can't show Daki how bad he is feeling, how desesperate. But you were just there, he was watching you and now you are gone. Were you burned? Why would you be burned? Why is that the first thing he- "Onii-chan!" He hugs his sister, burrying his face in her shoulder. He is not crying, no tears shed from his eyes, but he is sobbing hard. You are gone, you are gone!

Of course you are gone, anywhere else better than with a freak with him, right? You never wanted him! You nev- "Gyutaro?" Shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP SHUT UP- "GET LOST YOU STUPID WHORE! GET AWAY FROM MY ONII-CHAN! HE DOESN'T WANT YOU!" But you know that is a lie, Gyutaro does want you, right now he is breaking up, shattering down, just for you. "Gyutaro?" You repeat softer, getting closer to the demon almost squirming into his sister's, his everything, the girl who sees him almost as a father, embrace. Obi sashes come out her back, moving threateningly, as she hugs her brother protectively, hatred in her eyes as she looks for you.

In the end, he speaks before you or Daki can. "GO AWAY! FUCKING GO AWAY! YOU WILL LEAVE ANYWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! DON'T- DON'T FUCKING COME TO ME ONLY TO ABANDON ME LATER!" You are too much, you have already taken his heart and head. What else could you possible want? He can't stop thinking about you, wanting you close, obssesed with the idea to be yours when you will only leave. He sobs harder as you step closer, get out of him! GET OUT! GETOUTGETOUTGET- "DON'T YOU DARE!" You fade into a portal, the same which you always use, before Daki can hurt you, leaving her to patch together her brother, again, only to ruin him when you come back, AGAIN. "Onii-chan...."

Gyokko:

You absolutely have no taste, you would stay if you did. Who gave you permission to leave?! You should adore having Gyokko's attention, for hin to share his art with you... and yet you don't appreciate him. Not enough, you should love him more. Wouldn't that be more fair? He loves you too much for you to not love him back, don't be so selfish- "Would you stop that! You are getting on my nerves!" You have been trying to enjoy this universe, but Gyokko has been harrasing you non-stop.

Showing you desfigurated human bodies, telling you what you should and shouldn't want, getting angry on the slightlest of things. Really, why have you not left yet? "I'M getting on your nerves? You have no idea with how patient I have been with you. You should be thanking me for taking my precious time on you, only for you to be such an ungrateful brat?" Really, what is wrong with him. "You know what, I'm leaving. I'm done." You reach out to open the portal and just stop having to tolerate Gyokko. He tries to stop you, tries to hurt you, but summoned too late the pot. Much less the attack.

The face twists in rage due the humiliation, HOW DARE YOU?! YOU WRENCHED WOMAN! The next time he'll see you he will kill you, you won't even have the pleasure of being a work of art! He will just rip your eyes and tongue off to burry them into the mud! He will stab and poke you again and again and again, letting you starve until you kill yourself of the pain! A death with no beauty or dignity! The death of a witch! ..... that if you ever come back, because right now, you are just enjoying the jump in between universes.

Hantengu Clones:

"SHE IS MINE, YOU PIECES OF SHIT! BACK OFF!" "NO FAIR! I SAW HER FIRST! SHE IS MINE!" Sekido and Urogi are fighting each other, citting and stabbing limbs, using their powers on each other, Karaku being the only one sane for once in his life, trying to stop them. He is the least jealous of the clones, probably the only one who doesn't mind sharing. "GUYS! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT SCARING HER OFF! Y/N IS GOING TO GET AWAY IF YOU KEEP LIKE THIS! That or Aizetsu is going to get her first..." Yes, Aizetsu is alredy into it, using his body to block your path away.

"Y/N, please. Don't leave. That will make Sekido mad and Urogi feral, they will take it out on me. Please don't that to me, you're making me sad." He looks scared, miserable, he doesn't want you to leave. But he is also using that to try and manipulate you, he is doing it on purpose. You know it and honestly, you are getting tired of their little scenes, their jealousy, their violence, their delusions, their tricks... You. Are. Done. You were about to open the portal when you feel two hands, one on each wrist, from behind with a breath on your neck. "C'mon, pretty thing~. Don't be like that, I know some of us can be scary, but we can all make you feel good, even if the others don't look like it."

The breathing stops when Sekido staff stabs him through the skull, forcing him on the ground. You were startled by the splash of blood over you, but you take the chace to run as you open the portal. "AIZETSU! DON'T LET HER SCAPE!" The sad clone does try to stop you, but it's too late, you are already gone. ". . . ." "AIZETSU, YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT! WHY DID YOU LET HER GET AWAY?!" "Y/N! Y/N! WHERE IS SHE?! WHY DID SHE LEAVE?! I MISS HER SO MUCH ALREADY!" "PLEASE STOP SCREAMING AT ME! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SAD?!" "..... I hate being the sane one...."

Nakime:

How? Just how? Nakime has been looking for you, but you are nowhere in the Infinity Castle. You are not in any room, in any corridor, any fall.... it's impossible for anyone got get out without her noticing, then why are you not here? She even looked outside her fortress, nothing, "Nakime-chan!" Nothing until you decide there is something interesting around.

Nakime just looks at you, not knowing well how to start, she spends a time like this, and you have no idea if it's more creepy like this or it would would be worst if her hair wasn't covering her face, you can feel her stare on you neither way. "How did you do that?" Is the first thing she says, going to the point, not caring for formalities. "Do what?" You tease, you know well what she is asking, she can tail, so she doesn't insist, doesn't give you what you want, making you pout a bit. "You are a grown woman that managed to scape my Demon Blood Art, and yet you pout in front of me." She is angry. What are you doing? How are you doing it? Why does she lose control when it comes about you? Her interdimentional realm.... is it even anything for you?

But she must have you, she must. Her whole body aches for you, or is it just because of what you can do? She can't stop thinking about it, wanting you caged in her corridors and rooms, not letting go, so you are hers and hers alone. She.... likes you, a lot more than she ever liked any man. "Nakime-chan, I will leave if I get too bored." She plays her Biwa, knowing it's useless to use her powers on you, she just plays to entertain you until she figures something out, if there is anything to figure out.

Akaza:

Please don't leave. Please, don't leave him, he can't- if you leave- you have to stay. Stay, please. "Please, I'm begging you. Stay. I.... I will protect you, I will take care od you, promise. I pro- please, please, don't do this to me." Akaza begs, grabbing you by the waist, holding you tight, digging fingers into your clothes. It's taking a lot of him to not cry. Why do you want to leave? Did he do something wrong? Is he not strong enough? "I promise to get stronger! To be there! To protect... I want to protect you, please..."

If he is not there what will happen to you? Hung by the neck. Poison in the well. Death death DEATH. What will happen to him? There is nothing left he doesn't care, just needs to get stronger because if he was strong enough to begin with it wouldn't have happened. Why are you always trying to leave? He sobs as you pull alway but lets you move him at will. He wants you to be safe, to be happy, to be healthy. He wants a life with his wife, the life he was promised! Where is that girl he loves with his whole heart?! A part of you can feel Akaza, while obessed with you, with the idea to protect you and take care of you, has already given his heart to someone else, a woman that it's not you.

You are nobody's second choise or consolation prize, you can't take him and don't want to. "I'm sorry." It's the only thing you say, feeling nothing but pity for him, as you open the portal and leave. He just lost another woman in his life a woman he didn't get to have as his wife. What is it left, why nobody he cares about ever stays for him? Everyone always leaves! "... Hah-...." Can you hear it? He is screaming at the top of his lungs, voice cracking and breaking as the sound of the pain of a 18 year old man who lost everything but his fists twice explodes into self-loathing and anger for the world, just wanting to be found again.... can you hear it?

Douma:

It's odd, very odd, how you can just dissapear the way you do. What is more odd is that Douma usually likes odd things, viewing them as entretaintment, but now... he doesn't like it. He can tell that much. It's very weird how his stomach twists, his chest compress in itself, his throat tights up and his head hurts everytime he thinks on the fact that you left somewhere he can't find you, and he can't do anything about it. Why? He really can't understand it, but he is not enjoying it, you should stay besides him forever, so his body can behave the same as always.

"Y/N! I see you are back! How have you been? Come here, tell me everything. I am a good listener, I'm sure you will feel comfortable." He is not hiding it, what is there to hide? He justs knows he wants you, the rest is... unkown, and it doesn't really matter, it never did. He can't feel anything, but right know he knows he needs you with him. Maybe he should eat you? You are quite a beautiful lady, he bets your flesh would be tender and tasty against his mouth, and in your stomach you would be always with him. But he would miss a lot if he did it now, seeing your faces, hearing your voice, touching your skin or clothes, smelling your scent. It would be a waste but didn't he think that same with her?

He will find a way, eventually, to keep you around. Now he can only show appreciation for the fact that you came to visit. The fact that you are still coming back to him. He will give you all of his attention, find your weakness and get what he wants. He may not look like it, but he can be patient when it matters. It just has never mattered before, maybe it doesn't even matter now. "It was fun to see you again. Bye, Douma!" You fade away and he can only stare.... that portal should have been his stomach.

Kokushibou:

You are finally out of his life, THE WHY ARE YOU STILL IN HIS HEAD?! WHY? It's been a while since you just... evaporized of this world, he knows.Kokushibou has been looking for you, actually looking for you, not the "I'm searching" he always gives Muzan off, but actually tried to follow you like he tried to follow his brother, no wonder he also failed this time. GET OUT OF HIS HEAD! HE DOESN'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT YOU! HE WANTS TO FORGET YOU! You are gone and that is good, out of his life, out of his system, out of his internal demons, out of his- "Koku, is that you?" ...... he turns around slowly to find you standing there....

No.... no, why are you here? This... is this some illusion? A dream? A nightmare? Why are you getting closer to him? Why are you trying to talk to him? Can't you see he doesn't want anything to do with you? "Why, as talktative as always!" You shouldn't be here. You shouldn't be talking over him, as if you were another man instead of a woman. His wife never did such a thing, she was quiet, elegant, filial and dutiful and yet he left her like you will leave him. Is this his karma, then?

He can't react, in any way possible. His breathing stops, his heart races, his head and chest hurts because of you. He wants to walk away, to be the one to leave you and reject you instead of the other way around. To save pride? His mind? Why were you even born?! He hates you! Hates you so much! "So, how have you been?" But he can't bring himself to walk away until you fade again.... he hates you so much, you have become everything to him. Like Yoriichi.

Muzan:

Another demon just died, their own body attacking them. It's not weird, Muzan doesn't even like most of his demons anyways, so more often than not he kills some of the lowlives around when he is having a tantrum sensitive moment. "Why haven't you found her already?!" He asks Nakime, who only sighs before getting the Uppermoons inside the castle, not yet here, and shrugs a little. She doesn't understand it neither, he send his most powerful demon, including her, to look for some human. A woman with scent, identity, living in his memories, unlike the flower.... why has nobody found you already?

"Hey, Muzan!" You appear out of nowhere, making both Nakime and Muzan turn around, shocked. This is Nakime's special dimention, how are you here? Why are you here? Can't you see what you are doing to the Demon King? Can't you see how your actions affect the people around him? Do you even care? It's just one small world between the amount of universes you have traveled through. "Y/N. Where were you?" His voice sounds kind, if not slightly irritated, he hates not being in control, loathes it. And he can't control you, yet, he tells himself. But he will.

Maybe that is why you came, to tease him, because it's fun, because you think he deserves it. "You know. Over here, over there, a lot of places. I just came by to say "hi"." Nakime looks nervious, looking at her master, wondering if she will be instructed to cage you. "Well, that doesn't matter. You are here now. Why don't you stay-" You don't. You leave as he speaks, dissapearing in front of his eyes. You can see his false calmness twist into rage, frustration, desesperation as you go away. Isn't it fun to make interdimentional trips with between yandere?

[junniieesbby]

Shut Up and Continue What You Started|Choi Beomgyu

Pairing: Non Idol Beomgyu x F!reader

Genre: Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Smut, Angst, Kind of Fluff.

WC: 1.6k

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Summary: When your childhood friend turned enemy sees you dance and giggle with one his best friends. He loses it, can't stand the sight of you with someone other than him. He goes to show you just how much he missed you and how incredibly sorry he was for treating you badly.

Warning: Mentions of Alcohol, Smut, Creampie, Implied Cockwarming. Let me know if I missed anything.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Nothing mentioned in this fiction represents any of the characters.

A/N: This is a very late post for my Secret Santa. @boba-beom surpriseeee it’s me Angel (although you already knew because I’m the last one to post haha). This was so fun to do part of me is nervous because I am writing this for one of my all time favorite writers here on tumblr and I wanted this to be really good! Everyone please check out all the other beauties Secret Santa posts @amoryeonjun aka @lovejoshua , @honajoong and @flwrseon 💗 give them lots of love 🥺

Angel I hope you like this👉🏻👈🏻

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

All you wanted to do was to wipe that stupid sexy smirk off his face. He was so annoyingly handsome but he got on your nerves any chance he had. Choi Beomgyu was handsome, irritating, and drove you mad.

You had known each other since the day he was born. Your moms were best friends and they had gotten pregnant at around the same time. Your mom gave birth a day before Beomgyu’s mom did, so you two were forced to be attached at the hip.

At one point he was your best friend. Someone you always went to for comfort. It all changed when you entered high school, it was like you didn’t even know him. He no longer talked to you, he stopped coming over to your house to hang out, and he even would glare at you for no apparent reason.

Here you were at your parents annual Christmas Eve party, with a glass of Prosecco in your hand staring at Beomgyu who’s all over his next girl toy. You hated to say it but it hurt, it hurt seeing someone you liked and missed be so close to another girl. This was the reason you decided to go to university in a city that was further from home. You couldn’t stand watching him mess around with yet another girl.

You wanted to forget about Beomgyu for tonight. If he liked to go and have fun with random girls and rub it in, so could you!

Walking to the dance floor you see your perfect target. Kang Taehyun, who happens to be one of Beomgyu’s Bestfriend. You walk up to his dancing form and slide your body to him. “Hey Tyun, long time no see” you say looking up at him. “Y/N!!! It’s been so long.” Taehyun said, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you in for an embrace.

“I know it feels like forever. Can I dance with you?” you tell him rather shyly. Taehyun was very handsome, kind and smart. Although you and Beomgyu had a falling out Taehyun would always check up on you to make sure you were good. “You don’t even need to ask, love” Taehyun said while placing firm hands on your waist dancing to the rhythm of the song.

You two continued to dance and chatted about how life has been when suddenly you felt a pair of arms rip you from Taehyun’s embrace. “You come with me” Beomgyu says sternly then turns and looks at a smirking Taehyun “and you, I’ll deal with you later” and without another word Beomgyu drags the two of you to your room.

Once inside he slams the door shut and locks it. “What the fuck was that for Beomgyu” you said folding your arms. “Why were you dancing with him like that?” Beomgyu looks at you clearly mad. You have never seen him this visibly angry before. “Like what? We were just dancing. And it’s none of your business who I dance with and how I dance with them.” You did not know what his problem was but he wasn’t going to talk to you like that after years of not talking.

He turns to walk towards you and you slowly walk backwards until your back hits the door. Beomgyu is standing mere inches from you as he leans down his nose brushing yours. “Smiles…” You froze at the nickname he just called you. The nickname he gave you when you were kids because he said you always smiled at him. “You do not get to come back into my life after years of not talking calling me nicknames like nothing happened between us, Beomgyu” The moment you finished your sentence he crashed his lips onto yours. Years of pent up frustration, hurt, and desire were poured into that kiss.

Beomgyu’s hands started to wonder cupping your ass and lifting you slowly pushing you into the door deepening the kiss. You had never been kissed like this before, this kiss was full of lust and passion. You slowly pull away from the kiss confused as to why he was doing this.

“Y/n…look I know I am a shitty friend for not talking to you all these years, But the reason for that was because I liked you. I liked you so much it started driving me crazy. I thought not seeing you would make things better, but clearly not. You have no idea how long I have wanted to slam my lips against yours.” Beomgyu said, as he slowly brought his hand to your cheek.

You stared at him, shocked at his words. Part of you wanted to scream and yell at him for not talking to you about his feelings, because he had no idea how you felt, and the other part wanted you to grab his collar and smash your lips to his. You didn’t feel like arguing and that kiss had you wanting more. The latter of the options won as you grabbed his collar bringing him closer to you whispering “Shut up and continue what you started”.

Beomgyu smirked at your words as he kissed you passionately bringing you to your bed. “Fuck angel you look so sexy in this tight red dress Been wanting nothing more than to fuck you in it” He slowly starts to leave kisses on your neck going to your breast. He pulled your dress down a little so your cleavage could fall out. “I wish I could take my time with these beauties, but that's for another day. The dress stays I want to fuck your pretty cunt while you wear it.” He said pulling your panties down and tossing them to the side. He unzipped his pants and let his cock out stroking it a few times before he let it slide through your drenched folds. Your whines and whimpers were music to his ears. “Beomgyu, hurry up and fuck me stop the teasing” That earned you a slap to your cunt.

“Be patient baby, i've been wanting your pussy for years let me enjoy it” He didn’t even let you respond, he slid his cock in with ease. “Fuck baby you’re so wet and tight I could spend the rest of my days in your cunt” His dirty words caused you to clinch which earned a grunt from him. “Beomgyu, so good…so so good” That is all you could say your brain too fuzzy to comprehend anything other than the delicious cock that is sliding in and out of you.

Beomgyu’s hand came up to twist and play with your nipples as you reached down to start rubbing your folds for a faster relief. He quickly slapped your hand away. “You will cum with my cock and my cock only” He started to move faster. You needed him closer to you, you grabbed his tie and pulled him smashing your lips on him. Beomgyu’s cock twitched; he thought that was the hottest thing he'd ever seen. Your kiss became sloppier as your orgasm was approaching.

“You close angel?” He asked you, but he knew he could feel you clench around him. All you could do was nod. His thrusts continued but they became messy. He reached between the both of you as he was getting there and pinched your clit which sent you over the edge. Your legs started to shake from the stimulation. After a few more thrusts Beomgyu came. He leaned down and gave your forehead a kiss whispering “You did so well for me Angel”.

As he was getting up you pulled him by the collar again. “Stay, just stay please I need you to be as close to me as possible” You didn’t want him to leave you anytime soon. “I was just going to clean you up baby, but I will stay. I will never ever make the same mistake of leaving you again” He flipped the two of you so he was laying on his back. One hand playing with your hair and the other rubbing your back. “Merry Christmas Beomie…I am still mad at you, but i'm glad to be in your arms” You nozzle your head in the crook of his neck. “Merry Christmas my Angel, I am sorry I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. And you will only be in my arms from now on.” He grabbed your hand that was placed on his neck and gave it a kiss. You both slept soundly that day and woke up to a white Christmas.

[moonchild-in-blue]

Massive thank you to you and everyone else who calls out how shitty it is to get mad at peoples interpretations. Sleep tokens music is romantic. Its also toxic. These statements can coexist. Its not your business if someone plays bloodsport or vore or hell even atlantic at their wedding. Youre not them, you dont know what the music means to them. If you see a weird take just roll your eyes and move on, its not a big deal. Absolutely sick and fucking tired of all these "why are you calling this romantic/sexy? Youre stupid and a terrible person!" takes like fucking relax. Media literacy is important yes. Respecting that this music is dark and personal to vessel is also important. Same goes for respecting how people relate to the music in dark ways. But as long as people are not saying things directly to vessel or fans about how their individual trauma is sexy then just chill out and respect peoples different interpretations. It sucks that i cant talk about how i view certain songs without being called horrible things and having really fucked up vitriol aimed at me. Yall need to grow the fuck up and get over yourselves. Im not thinking of your personal shit when i call a certain song romantic/sexy, i dont even know you, sometimes im thinking of my own trauma actually lol. Lets all discuss this music maturely where we respect each other and what each of us as individuals bring to the table for interpretation, stop making this fandom toxic as hell for anyone who doesnt agree 100% with your own interpretation. (Also the whole "youre not allowed to say this song is romantic/sexy" thing is very dismissive of some peoples trauma in itself, it ignores how messy someones feelings toward their abusers/toxic partners can be. Pretty fucked up to call a trauma survivor stupid or a terrible person because a song reminds them of their positive feelings towards someone who hurt them) Anyways yeah, just tired of people being so harsh because they refuse to see other peoples perspectives. I genuinely think one of the most toxic aspects of this fandom is the vitriol over different interpretations, people act like outright children at times with it im ngl, especially with more sexual discussions. It also feels infantilizing towards vessel at times, hes a grown adult who put romantic/sexy elements in his music and he doesnt need people trying to protect him from those themes. Im rambling but this stuff pisses me off so much, this fandom needs to do better

Context post for the clueless ones - regarding my tags/replies

Here's the thing - I've been in fandoms for many, many, MANY years. This type of discussion isn't anything new nor unique to Sleep Token, but it sure does make a comeback quite often. It's tiring to keep repeating the same things over and over, but that's what fandom is all about isn't it?

Someone needs to say something, and I am not one to shy away from uncomfortable conversations like these. Something something, build your own community, be the change you wanna see, etc etc.

I've said pretty much everything I wanna say already under that post, but for the sake of clarity, and because I can't keep my mouth shut apparently -

Under the cut for length - you know the drill:

Music is art. And art is subjective. Meaning, each individual will have their own personal connection and interpretation of a given piece of art, which in this case is Sleep Token's music.

Did Vessel write the songs with a certain intent or meaning? Most likely yes! It's not hard to connect the dots and guess what events/emotions might've transpired and served as inspiration for them (accuracy to personal life is irrelevant and none of our business, but it's also no rocket science to understand what's been said).

Can we establish a base meaning for any given song, or better, can we have a general consensus of what a song is about based on its lyrics and themes? Absolutely! Not every song is like that, but we can all agree there's a lot of recurring themes of past relationships and mental health struggles.

Is it wrong to diminish the songs to one basic element (eg. the sexual undertones) and/or completely disregard the bigger, more important theme? I'd say it is.

Giving Atlantic as an example (which as a lot of you know, is my most favourite song of them and very dear to me): this one has some very blatant references to suicide and depression. Regardless of whether it is based on irl events or not (none of our business!!!), it is extremely heavy and emotionally charged. I find it incredibly disrespectful when people say random stuff during the rituals when he plays this one.

Or for example, how certain people reduce Sleep Token to "baby making metal", instead of acknowledging the insane (insane!) variety of genres and the profound lyricism they present.

Should we limit our views, and by extension, those of others, to surface-level interpretation, without allowing room for different views and interpretations, either fictional lore based or not? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Vessel himself said to "not restrict ourselves to labels or genres because music transcends it all" (paraphrasing here). It's literally their whole thing. It's very hypocritical to be shouting from the rooftops about "media literacy" and assuming people are stupid or idiots for not understanding the basic, surface-level meaning of a song, when Vessel himself constantly writes in metaphors and half-truths.

I've touched on this a lifetime ago on one of my analysis, but if you *actually* look at the lyrics, you'll realise Vessel hardly ever says what he means. There's always something else behind his words, something he purposefully keeps hidden. It really sneaks upon you sometimes! I'm over a year in and I still find something new everyday on their music. That man has a way to weave in a hundred and one statements under a single sentence, that is just truly beautiful to study.

Is, say, The Love You Want, about a man (Vessel) mourning the fact that his love isn't reciprocated? Yeah! Is it about someone who, despite knowing they can never receive from their lover the attention and affection and care they want, will stay by their side anyways? It is!

Is it about bitterness, spiteful accusations aimed at the one person who should love you fully? Or a reflection of how little self-regard the singer has, so much that they are willingly and actively choosing to stay in a sinking one-sided relationship, because the alternative is too painful to bare? Can you flip the switch and see it as someone who is obsessively pursuing another person, and painting themselves as a victim? All of this, yes!

You can even eliminate the romantic aspect all together and apply it to a relationship with the self (past or future, or an alter ego), or a parental figure. The options are endless. There isn't one universal truth when it comes to music, and as such, all of these takes are 100% correct.

Many statements can be true at the same time - it doesn't make one more true or correct than the other. Simply different. The way we connect with music is very much dictated by our own life experiences, and no two people have lived the exact same life.

Can you prefer a certain way to look at a song, or completely disagree with certain takes? Absolutely! I know I sure as hell do! That's normal and expected and part of the fun in being in a community such as ours. More people means more ways to look at a song - isn't that just wonderful?!

Now, this is very obvious for most of us, but some people, especially in the younger rage, have been taught to look at things in a very black and white way. Not to be that person, but the truth is that the rise in awareness of social issues and "pc-ness", is slowly starting to eliminate the possibility of things being flawed and nuanced.

If you're wrong, you're awful. If you're right, you're obnoxious. Made a mistake? Get cancelled. Grow from your mistakes, but not like that. Learn from your actions, but change your whole personality in a day otherwise you're problematic.

You know what I mean.

Life isn't black and white. Art isn't black and white. Music isn't black and white. What may seem like a toxic, dark, obsessive depiction of a relationship to you, might translate to the deepest and most truest of loves to me. I can acknowledge something is Not Right, while still drawing my own conclusions.

Is Blood Sport a sad af song? Yeah! Definitely not the first thing I'd think of when in a happy relationship. But maybe that's the point. And maybe I do. And that's okay, and none of anyone's business. "Okay but The Apparition isn't a good example of a healthy and romantic-" TO YOU! Maybe that's what love looks like to me! Maybe I just happen to be into it! And what about it?

Maybe to me love comes with all the ugly sides too. The violence, the despair, the self-doubt. Who are you to dictate what I can or can't think? I highly doubt Vessel would go 🗣️ "WRONG! NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! >:::(", so why would you?

You can, and should, discuss the songs with others! Maybe some people do genuinely need a fresh pair of eyes to help them get to the juicy core of the songs - that's why we're here! To discuss, and exchange ideas! You can, and should, call people out when their engagement with the music is being harmful to others (joking and laughing during Missing Limbs? No bueno. Speculating about Vessel's personal life? VERY no bueno. Choosing a potentially weird song to walk down the aisle? None of your business + not your wedding + you weren't even invited + none of your business. Notice how I've been repeating that. Notice again).

You shouldn't, however, shame and ridicule others for having different views from you.

I think, rather than engaging in pointless discussions and start accusing people of being this or that, we should all exercise a little "don't like? scroll past". Is it harming you or others? No? Then scroll past! Is it an awful, truly horrendous take about something you're really passionate about? Okay! Disgusting! Scroll past! Good for them! 👍

Also - keep an open mind. We're all doing this living businesse for the first time, no one holds all the answers to everything. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to say the wrong thing and backtrack. It's okay to make a mistake and learn and grow.

You know what's not okay? Being a dick to others because the thing you like is being misinterpreted. It's hard, I know!!! You can block people! You can scroll past! You can look at pictures of your favourite vessel and cleanse your brain!!!! I know I do!!!!!

And this is a last afterthought but - you don't get to complain about the fandom you're in if you're doing nothing to change that. I see many, maaaaany of you bitch about this and that, while having 0 engagement aside from the bitching. Like?? Maybe if you spent more time reblogging cool art or gifs and less time whining about literally everything, this would be a much more pleasant space!! And I DO get to be a little petty here because I sure do try my best to make this a fun and nice community. I am allowed a little bitching 😌

Anyways, tl/dr: don't be a dick; don't like - don't engage; keep an open mind; gaze upon the vessels. Peace and love yall 💙💫

[usedtobeguest123]

My grandma passed away this last week. She was the matriarch of my family, raising a brood of boys on her own in a new country, and the life I have now I owe to her dedication and sacrifice. She is part of why the character of Abuela resonates so strongly with me, not because of their similarities in character, but because of how meaningful it was to see a story like hers represented in a beautiful, celebrated way in mainstream media.

I'll miss her dearly.

I was going through my unused writing snippets and I found this old one I had started for Encantober "Grief" and never finished. I polished it up a bit and offer it up now in my Abuela's honor. It's inspired by this Twitter-posted poem that resonated with so many people. While I know that there's so much more to the everlasting life after this one, this poem speaks such beauty and childlike peace into that transition, and I adore it for that.

Also, for some reason, I always thought that when the time came for Abuela to pass on, Camilo in particular would have a hard time letting go. Let it in, let it out, let it rain, let it snow, let it go, and all that. He seemed a fitting recipient for this, and also someone likely to ask an uncomfortable question.

Love you Grandma; God bless you and keep you. I can't wait to see you in again in paradise ❤️

------

It had been happening all. freaking. day.

He’d turn the corner, see a cup or a flower or a damn leaf that somehow reminded him and poof, he’d be someone else. Papi. Dolores. Luisa—a mess of people in quick succession. Thank God he’d managed to keep from changing into her. He didn’t think he could deal with that. Ay, he didn’t think any of them could.

No one blamed him though. When Mirabel witnessed one of his involuntary shifts on his way to the kitchen that morning, she’d just looked at him with that sappy, stupid face she was always making and gave him a hug that maybe did help him feel a little better.

Papi had clapped him hard on the back, keeping a steadying hand on his shoulder as he shifted back down into his own skin. He'd nodded solemnly, giving him a gentle, encouraging lift under the chin.

Tía Julieta just gave him an extra helping at lunch, teary-eyed yet smiling warmly as always.

But it still sucked.

Dios why couldn’t he just get a grip? He felt so jumpy. Everything set him off. He snapped at Antonio when one of his coatis left cacas outside his room again. Even as he spoke he’d known his voice was a too harsh for the situation. He snapped Isabela, and for once she didn’t snap back. She just sent a tiny bloom of flowers settling into his shirt pocket, their stems only a little spikey. He even snapped at Casita when they both knew he'd just tripped on his own two feet.

But he made sure he was on his absolute best behavior around Mami. You want to talk about jumpy? He had nothing on her. Poor Ma.

He managed to hold it together through the rosary, and the next day at mass too, by some miracle. The ceremony was harder, but he pulled through. But then came the reception. Everyone was talking to him and hugging him and offering condolences and ay how many times can you say thank you, I know she's at peace with just the right sad smile before the words start to lose all meaning? Thank you thank you thankyouthankyo—

So. Phwooo. Here he was now, sneaking out of the reception to the back porch of Casita when no one was looking, just to try to fill his stale lungs with a little more air.

After he shut the door quietly behind him, giving a small pat to the wall in thanks to his accomplice Casita, he turned and was surprised to find he in fact was not alone. There, on the small step that led out to the back patio, was Tío Bruno, a rat of course sitting on his shoulder. Eck. Camilo felt a little shiver go down his back.

He considered turning around to find his own private place to brood, but something stopped him. After a moment, and a small nudge from the tiles beneath his feet, he quietly approached instead.

“Hey,” he said lamely.

“Oh!” Bruno startled, flailing comically, but recovered quickly. “Oh, h-hey there Milo.”

Guess I'm not the only one who’s jumpy.

“Do you mind if I…?” he gestured at the empty spot on the stairs next to his tío.

Bruno nodded rapidly, flapping at the spot with his hands and scooting over a minute amount that made absolutely no difference in available space. Camilo sat.

For a while, they didn’t say anything. The rat had disappeared from Tío Bruno’s shoulder to God knows where. They watched the leaves sway on the large gnarled tree that stood proudly behind Casita.

Man, how old was that thing? It had been there as long as he could remember. At some point, a planter had been built around it where Isabela grew a perpetual explosion of flowers, and a swing hung from one of its thicker branches, but he'd seen pictures of when the back porch had let out to just a field and a tree. Camilo found himself wondering if that old thing had always been there, or if it had come with their Miracle.

It looked ancient. The trunk was at least as wide as four humans, twisting and turning up toward the sky at a slight angle before giving way to countless branches, those branches breaking off on their own as well in seemingly infinite chaos. The canopy splayed out above the courtyard in a protective, verdant umbrella so lush that even in the rain, the area underneath often stayed dry. Down below, the roots wove in and out of the soil like great serpents surfacing for air, defying the boundaries of the neat planter and forever upending the level neatness of the patio.

Camilo couldn’t imagine it not being there. He just couldn’t imagine a world without its constant, unshakeable presence. Something heavy and gripping suddenly settled into his chest, and he swallowed hard.

After a moment, his traitorous mouth opened without being told to and he whispered out question so quietly he wasn't sure if Bruno would even hear him.

“What do you think it’s like?”

“Huh?”

“...dying.” Camilo swallowed again, but didn’t look at his uncle. “What do you think it’s like.”

“Oh.” Bruno’s voice was soft. To Camilo’s surprise, he didn’t fidget or squirm like usual. Instead, he seemed to sort of wilt. Camilo glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. He'd leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. He stared up toward the big tree too, but he didn’t seem to be really looking at anything.

It was quiet for so long, that Camilo considered cracking some kind of joke to cover his tracks.

What are you thinking anyway, tonto? he thought. Guy just lost his mom. You gonna drop a rock like that on him? He really did need to get a grip. He needed to break the tension, ease the mood.

“Well, it must not have been that bad if Abuela allowed it to happen,” he joked, his voice light, wry, and guarding. “I think even La Muerte herself would have layed off if Abuela had given her that one stern look she had, ya know?"

Camilo chuckled, but Bruno didn't laugh. He didn't respond at all. He was still looking at the tree with a distant expression. Camilo narrowed his eyes at him—it didn't even seem like he'd heard a thing.

“...Tío?”

At that, Bruno dropped his eyes down to look at his hands, woven together loosely between his bent knees. He tipped his palms up slightly as if he was looking for something there. He took a slow breath, and then he began to speak.

“When I was a kid,” he said, “a-a real little kid, we had this big party at Casita. You know how it goes. House full of people, everything is busy and bright and loud. I don't remember what it was for anymore, b-but the whole time I just was torn between wanting to not miss a minute of it all, but, but, but also trying to be on my best behavior, like I knew Ma would want, a-and also also trying look out for my sisters, who were doing fine by the way, definitely didn't need me looking out for them but—well, anyway.”

Bruno cleared his throat, and Camilo watched him curiously. He nodded for him to continue, and Bruno nodded back.

“A-anyway, I didn't make it through the whole night. I got tired, like kids do, a-and fell asleep in some corner of the courtyard, heh. Passed right out. And Ma—y-your abuela, she found me and picked me up.”

Bruno looked up then, turning to look at Camilo with a sad, crooked smile and an odd brightness in his eyes.

“She carried me upstairs to my room. I could still hear the party—laughter and singing and music and joy—just in the next room over, but in my room with Mamá it was all still and quiet and peaceful. When she tucked me in, she kissed my cheek, and she whispered, ��You did well, mijo. You did well. I've got you now.’”

Bruno swallowed. “It…it all just felt so…so…safe,” he shrugged. “Like…relief, I guess. Contentment. Idaknow. I think….maybe, um, maybe dying is… something like that.”

The tight feeling was back in Camilo's chest, and he felt a tear streak down his face before he was even aware it was there. He blinked. Bruno looked down at his empty hands again. The air around them had grown cool, the sun now set. The sound of crickets hummed, and the gentle murmurs from the reception wafted out from the warmly lit windows of Casita. Camilo sniffed loudly.

“That doesn't sound so bad,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. Bruno nodded with a broken chuckle, and brought a sleeve up to wipe roughly at his own face.

“Yeah. It doesn't.”

Then, without warning, Camilo’s shoulders quaked, his breath hitching and more tears suddenly appearing as all the pent-up pressure of the day rose to the surface and broke free. He choked out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a cry. Bruno put an arm around him.

The wind blew gently through the branches of the tree, ruffling the leaves in a hushed lullaby. The ropes of the swing creaked sweetly along with it. And there on the porch, settled between the warm murmurs of the reception behind them and the cool peace of the star-filled night, after his breathing had slowed and his tears had been wiped dry, Camilo thought that maybe he could finally feel within him a measure of stillness.

[olderthannetfic]

I found myself rereading an old discussion about AO3 commenting culture (ye olde "Authors aren't owed comments" vs. "Readers aren't owed fic either" wank). And you know, it strikes me that a lot of the drama in such discussions is rooted in the fact that people only ever seem to engage with the worst things the opposite side says. And of course that leads to miscommunication, because the extremes are not generally applicable to most people.

Like, for instance. Someone going "I comment so regularly I practically gave myself burn-out commenting". Authors complaining about people who act entitled to stories aren't talking about you, I promise. They're talking about people who genuinely can't be bothered or go on flippant "Why don't you just write for yourself?" rants, while still enjoying other people's work. Ditto on the other side: people get offended at being called entitled authors, but odds are good the person isn't referring to you, who would simply like to not shout into the void, odds are good they're referring to the asshole authors they've met who'd throw hissy hits over comments that weren't phrased exactly to their liking, because yes, people like that do exist so it's simply flat out wrong to say "Just comment, authors are always happy to see comments, no matter how short! :)"

Also, a particular comment jumped out at me:

"It's not a consumer's job to compliment a promote an artist's work"

I generally agree that acting like people are owed comments is useless and stupid, but if I had to pick a phrasing that sums up my misgivings about common commenting culture, it's this. So many people seem to act like authors are getting a paycheck for this and don't need any additional motivator.

The other thing that bugs me is when people talk about all the reasons they don't comment (low spoons, anxiety, tired, etc.), but ignore the fact that authors have to deal with all of the above, too. And not just in fanfic. It seems any time there's any kind of social conflict being discussed (like, say, replying to a friend's messages in a vaguely timely manner) a ton of people will trot out excuses for why they can't do [insert what's generally seen as the vaguely courteous thing to do], but inadvertently act like that makes them special and like they're the only ones who have these legitimately valid excuses.

This started in one place and led to another, sorry. I guess I'm just frustrated with the Tumblr mental health culture of "I have a semi-specific reason I struggle with this so I'm not even going to try". I think people overcompensate too much for "Just don't be disabled!"-style ableism and swing too hard in the embraced helplessness direction.

Back to fanfic, every time I see the "I can't do it because of X" thing in the context of commenting, I can't help but think of how many authors also deal with depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, low spoons, etc. and how easy it would have been for them to give up, but they got through it and posted the fanfic anyway, and how often they're then met with silence because the prevailing attitude among their audience is e.g. "I read this before bed and was too sleepy to comment, and too forgetful to comment the next day". I think about some of the fic I've written, often fic written when I maybe should have been doing something else, or fic written at the cost of sleep, or hyperfixating at my keyboard for six hours instead of going for a nice hike with my family, and it's hard not to get a little bitter, you know? Talking about legitimate reasons for why commenting is hard just so often comes across as "You're free to make sacrifices to write the stuff I read, but I won't make any"

I also feel a bit bitter that it's impossible to even discuss these things in a vacuum without someone going "Discussions like this are why I've stopped commenting", as someone inevitably will in the notes of this post. "Just shut up and make your Content(TM) and don't complain about anything", is what it feels like.

--

The entire phrasing of reward and owing is stupid.

The reality is that lots of people won't produce work unless they feel like someone cares. No amount of moralizing or excuses will change that.

It's also the reality that posting to the masses on AO3 or tumblr will result in maybe one like or other interaction per hundred hits if you're really, really lucky. The rate has never been much better than that, and it never will be. It's often very much worse.

If one personally wants to encourage people, sure, go out and do that, but any call to action that ignores the above two realities is like fighting the tide.

I do think "It's not my job to promote you" typically comes up in the context of meltdowns about letting artists "languish in your likes" instead of being reblogged onto your actual blog and/or contexts where the artist/author/etc. is selling their work.

Here's the thing: people who never comment do not count.

They think they're part of a community. They're not. If you don't participate, you're a ghost.

When some author moves to a more enclosed space, a lot of people who saw themselves as part of something are suddenly left out in the cold, wondering why. But the fact is, if you don't pay the entry fee of socializing with others, you're nobody to them.

The entitled randos don't matter. If they bug you enough, take your toys and retreat to a discord with your friends.

[archivalofsins]

How I'm feeling right now,

Me: Gah-

Mikoto: Get back to work!

Me: It's my day off-

Mikoto: Those don't- exist we don't stop working around here!

Me: Fuck this post and fuck your birthday! We do this every year- it's the same thing it's never ending! Why can't people just fucking read-

Mikoto: Why can't you stop bitching and write?! Huh?

Okay all joking aside I did read the timeline on the app and since it's Mikoto here comes the age old game of guess who. Where everyone tries to discern if it's Mikoto or Mikoto (John) based on the language and pronouns used. So, let's go over my opinion on that and why I think it's just Mikoto.

Well, with all that out of the way let's clock in for-

UNPAID OVERTIME

(Star who's trapped in this hell with me after seeing this probably: Yippee.....)

TIME CLOCKED

Gunsli: 16 hours (Not the longest I've worked on a post honestly. At least it's actually done.)

Star @sinfulequity: 7 hours (tired... also I wrote some stuff. Not a lot though)

Gunsli: Ahn, I say we made good time.

My, oh my what harsh language you use~

Why, one could say it's like a punch to the face.

Mikoto within his birthday timeline today was using casual language that could lean towards antagonistic or combative to some. The wording here served to invoke imagery of delinquency.

What I want to interrogate is if only the words used were harsh or his tone overall. Also, why that may be.

First of all in the text provided through the portal timeline today there is no indication through punctuation that this is a hostile conversation. One could say that the words being used allude to the tone. 

Yet, that may simply not be the case. 

It would have been immensely easy to put in exclamation points in order to illustrate that if it is the case. Especially since the text provided was very capable of adding a coma.

Kayano: Wait, Fuck- uh, get back.

Outside of this instance, previous portal timeline interactions have had exclamation points and other punctuation marks to allude to tone.

This timeline mainly uses ellipses. Those have been shown to usually denote either a long dragging pause or nervousness within the Timeline. Ellipses have also been used in the context of all the characters to denote discomfort or anxiety outside of just registering a long pause.

It's been used this way with Mikoto from the beginning of the series. One could say Mikoto and Mahiru are the first display of the use of this punctuation and the tone it is meant to convey,

Mikoto: ……I’ve really got caught up in some trouble, huh. What even is this place? It’s probably a TV reality show or something. ……but to think someone in this day and age would try to do a project that could land them in so much trouble. Uh……

Mahiru: Ah…… I’m Shina Mahiru! You can just call me Mahiru. And you are……?

Mikoto: Kayano Mikoto. I’m fine with just Mikoto too. Ahh, I’m glad there’s someone here who’s easy to talk to…… It’s nice to meet you, Mappy.

Mahiru: ………… ……Mappy???

So, let's take a look at this new timeline,

23/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday) @doctorbunny (translation)

Amane: …….Who are you? How peculiar. Could it really be that you aren't Kayano Mikoto?

Kayano: Huh, who am I? Yeah, that's what I wanna know. Wait, Fuck- uh, get back. I'm in my rebellious phase, so I can't guarantee I won't beat you to a pulp. So just keep your mouth shut about this and get lost.

Amane: ……I'll be sure to heed your warning. However, if you wish to be saved, you should come to us, let's pray together. No matter who you are anyone can be saved.

Kayano: That's stupid….. If there really is a god, he should just show up and save us. I'd pray to a god like that as much as he wants.

This translation is by DoctorBunny; he used Kayano here instead of Mikoto to keep to the vagueness of the timeline. The timeline itself uses the self-referential pronoun ore. This and the harsh language used has led people to believe that the one speaking is Mikoto (John). I'm not here to completely debunk that idea, just offer an alternative interpretation along with my reasoning behind it.

I said that I believed this to be Mikoto speaking pretty early.After I’d woken up, before there was even a proper translation for the timeline. I just went off the tail end of what was provided on the app and the machine translation there.

Unlike many others I didn't assume a hostile tone when reading the timeline interaction. This is because I read text in monotone then assign tone to it through context clues, about, on the fourth or fifth read through. I believe this is a very normal thing to do and won't take criticism on it. 

I also don't tend to project tone onto text conversations generally.

This makes it easier to avoid miscommunications. Since I won't go creating them in my head by projecting a tone on something without one based either on my feelings at the time or feelings towards the subject speaking. 

In my opinion, anyone who may have assumed a tone from the text provided today which has very little textual indicators of hostility choose to do that for reasons they can interrogate or not.  It’s not as though this is a bad thing either. This is just something everyone’s brains may go to due to someone’s perception and relation to the subject speaking. 

Ergo it’s none of my business or my concern. If someone wants to think the text on the screen is angry or happy that’s their perception, not my responsibility. 

But the words used were harsh!

The punctuations weren't; I don't know what to tell anyone other than when the characters are upset or excited within the timeline the writing punctually does a good job at displaying that.

Now don't make me pull out this song again guys~ Come on I really love this song but this can't keep happening.

"Interjections! Show excitement or emotion. They're generally set apart from a sentence by an exclamation point or by a coma when the feelings not as strong!"

It's not difficult or scary! I swear it's writing and everyone loves it~

Let's look at a timeline conversation as an example. Preferably an interaction with only one speaker that still manages to highlight the spectrum of emotion punctuation can convey.

But could there be such a perfect example that could pertain to our topic of the day?

23/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: …… (ellipses a dragging open showing the character may be hesitant to speak or pondering) I wonder if there really is another version of me. (Hard stop or period denoting the end of sentence and a statement.) And the fact my clothes are in rags and everyone is scared of me is his fault. Even being a “murderer”…… but it’s hard to just believe something like that.

Mikoto: If I talk like this can you hear me? If you can hear, (use of a coma because the feelings isn't that strong yet remember the song) please respond. Why would you do something so horrible. Hey, it’s all your fault, right? ……answer me! (exclamation to highlight this is a interjection this character may be upset and exclamation highlights that along with other context clues.)

Mikoto: ……Aaaaa!! (Oh no this character may be screaming in abject agony or frustration. The reader can tell from not only the word illustrated but the exclamation points.) But I did it for me……! (Trailing off but still frustrated.) If not, I would’ve broken!! (The context implies that the subject may be frustrated at not being able to communicate something or trouble by what could have occurred. All insinuated by you guess that exclamation point!)

Mikoto: ––What am I even doing…… (this character isn't upset just trailing off and probably tired or at a lost of what to do. Illustrated through the ellipses.) Of course I won’t conveniently just get a response like that. I should just stop thinking about everything now…… I’m tired……

What I'm getting at by bringing up the punctuation is Mikoto in his October 06, 2024 birthday timeline Mikoto isn't speaking angrily. He's speaking crudely. Something that can be done without raising one's voice or even getting emotional in anyway.

Something alluded to by the punctuations being used.

Now the other thing being ignored here is context. Mikoto makes these statements towards Amane. Amane Momose the child abuse survivor, the person who was electrocuted, waterboarded and beaten by her mother regularly.

Beaten with a blunt object and or rod. He calls her a brat and states that he can't guarantee he won't-

Amane has very real in character reasons to be greatly bothered by this sort of thing possibly happening to her again.

Yet, with Mikoto Amane would have very little reason to believe that he would do something like that to her. Especially since she did attack him once and he did not hit her. Unlike Shidou who threatened to fight her.

21/04/16 (Amane’s First Trial)

Amane: …………

Mikoto: Oh, welcome back Amane! ……what’s with the grim face? Ah, right, the guard summoned you! How was it? Did you cry? I bet you were so scared you cried, right!?

Amane: ……alright then. If it’s a fight you want, it’s a fight you’ll get.

Mikoto: Huh? Oooi! Hey, are you listening?? Ooooi!

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Amane: ……Kirisaki Shidou. How long do you plan on continuing this foolish behaviour?

Shidou: I wonder what you might be referring to there. I’m just doing what I need to do. If anything, I’d be happy if you would lend me a hand.

Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand?

Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

So, Amane's response to Mikoto making what could have been an incredibly triggering statement being to invite him to pray. Highlights to me that contextually he was showing enough genuine concern for her to be able to tell this is something he didn't want to do and he needed help.

If not Amane is really dedicated to the cause and has no interest in her own personal safety. Something that very well could still be the case. Something that would strengthen her similarities to Kotoko and Haruka. People who find themselves and their feelings secondary to what they seek to do or protect.

But we'll cross that bridge if it's built. For now this is quite a calm and leveled response for her to have to words like that given her background.

Secondly, while Futa has called her a brat too, she responds in a different manner. With Futa, she snipes back.

20/06/03

Futa: ……huh? What’s your problem? You’re just leaving all your meat? What a weird kid.

Amane: You say that, but you’re not eating all of your food either.……are you not able to eat your vegetables? Even though you’re an adult.

Futa: Huh, what, so you’re just eating grass? What are you, a rabbit or something? Since you’re just a brat, you should be eating your meat properly. You won’t grow if you don’t.

Amane: ……you make some really funny jokes, don’t you, Futa-san.

However, she's more willing to let it pass by with Mikoto. Taking his words for their face value instead of any tone that could be read in them. You could argue that it's ruder with Futa, since they knew each other for less time here. However, it's also another instance where, if you just read the words as is, someone is showing concern with abrasive phrasing.

Mikoto also uses this word right before he issues this warning (well, more of a demand as the language he uses is more commanding apparently)-

-which indicates that he was startled or thrown off. Whether that be from realizing something, Amane sneaking up on him or something else is up to interpretation. However, he has a history of becoming too comfortable with Amane and letting his guard down before she reminds him that she's younger than him.

So it's possible that's what happened again here. Since she asked if he really wasn't Kayano Mikoto (something brought up to her by Es in her own voice drama). She even goes far as to comment about how peculiar-

-or maybe interesting it is to her. The idea of lacking a singular "identity" may be something that is of personal interest to her. Given how she refers to herself within her second voice drama.

Es: … We’ve digressed. So – just what are you right now? You’ve been saying “we” this whole time. Does that mean you are not Amane Momose right now?

Amane: Right now, I am both Amane Momose and I am not. I am speaking on behalf of our faith. I am speaking as “we”, who believe that dialogue and warnings are in order since you made the misjudgment to not forgive us.

Es: So you’re saying I’m talking to the very concept of your faith right now?

Amane: We don’t mind you thinking of it that way.

That being said, she still refers to him in the same pattern she refers to almost everybody as pointed out by DoctorBunny. The pattern being referring to people by their full names. And, to go further, in kanji when her speech is written down. To be more specific, when she asked if he's really Mikoto Kayano.

Examples of this can be seen with,

Futa

Yuno (23/06/27)

and Shidou (22/10/24)

Whereas an exception can be seen with Mahiru here. Since Amane does not refer to her by her full name but by just Mahiru it's unclear if she would remain an exception if Amane does refer to her by full name at a later date.

(evidence shared by DoctorBunny)

According to DoctorBunny, the usage of kanji for everyone's first name is a bit of a peculiarity as they're usually just written in katakana. He also cited an incident that happened in a manga. Where a character switched from using kanji to katakana for their given name as a shorthand to show a partial loss of identity.

I believe these are interesting narrative tropes to take into consideration in regards to Amane and her dissociative displays. Especially since in the instances she's used kanji she was either trying to invite someone to her religious endeavors (Futa & Mikoto) or scorning them for breaking a tenant of them (Yuno & Shidou).

This further gives credibility to the Mahiru being an exception because in this time line Amane is giving her a warning for taking Shidou's help but still does not use kanji. The use of katakana here could imply saying a persons name with emphasis of some sort either harshly, gently, or in a way that makes it feel as though one is looking directly at them and their being.

"…….Who are you? How peculiar. Could it really be that you aren't Kayano Mikoto?"

The Timing

After Mikoto’s guilty verdict he became closed off. This resulted in other prisoners avoiding him out of discomfort. Not necessarily because he became violent but because to them, he was no longer the Mikoto they had gotten to know. Something that scared some and was off putting to others.  

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

After his timeline interaction with Futa Kajiyama on October 06, 2021 Mikoto no longer spoke in the timeline.

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

He didn’t begin speaking in the timeline again until after the second trial of Milgram had officially commenced after August 3, 2022. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChehsI3E4OQ&t=62s)

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

The reason that Mikoto was no longer as present in the portal timelines as he had previously been, is stated to be due to Mikoto (John) coming to the forefront as a response to their guilty verdict.

The impact this has had on his relationships within Milgram is made apparent during his 2023 birthday timeline interaction where he goes from being wished Happy Birthday by only Haruka to no one,

23/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……I wonder if there really is another version of me. And the fact my clothes are in rags and everyone is scared of me is his fault. Even being a “murderer”…… but it’s hard to just believe something like that.

Mikoto: If I talk like this can you hear me? If you can hear, please respond. Why would you do something so horrible. Hey, it’s all your faut, right? ……answer me!

Mikoto: ……Aaaaa!! But I did it for me……! If not, I would’ve broken!!

Mikoto: ––What am I even doing…… Of course I won’t conveniently just get a response like that. I should just stop thinking about everything now…… I’m tired……

Something even worse when you considered he’s went from getting birthday wishes from everyone to that.

20/10/07 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ■■…… gh…… Gah…… ■■…… aaa…… nh…… ■…… ■■■■■……!!

Kotoko: …………hm. Have you finally calmed down? Kayano Mikoto.

Kotoko: ………… So you want me to wish you a happy birthday? I don’t really mind, but is that really something for you to be saying to me?

Mikoto: You’re the last person I need to have the whole group. If there was just one person left it’d be bugging me all night and I’d never get to sleep, right? At times like this you have to abandon your pride and just say something, right~?

Kotoko: Ok, here you go. Happy birthday. ……if this is what will help you sleep soundly.

Mikoto: Oh, thanks! Now I don’t need to worry~

Put a pin in this timeline by the way we'll be talking about it again soon. Point is, after Mikoto's birthday on October 6, 2021 before the end of the first trial and even the beginning of Kotoko's-

Mikoto stopped talking in the timeline and didn't speak again until trial two began.

21/10/26 (Kotoko’s First Trial)

Kotoko: ……come, Es. Let’s fight together.

Jackalope’s “Second Trial Commencement Notice” Date: August 3, 2022

After that we saw Mikoto in the timeline again on his birthday 22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday) where he spoke to Haruka.

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh.

Then he bluntly states what one could already assume from everything else that has occurred on Kotoko's birthday,

22/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan. It’s been a while. Both of us have kinda split off from the group, but how’ve things been? A lot’s happened, but fr now let’s try to get along. I mean, it’s your birthday today, right? I got the feeling nobody else was going to do anything, so I came to celebrate.

Kotoko: ……how carefree. It doesn’t matter, a villain like you won’t be forgiven next time either. And when that time comes, it’ll be the end for you. I’ll make sure of it myself.

Mikoto: Ahh?? Just try and do it, you nutjob. I’ll crush anyone who hurts me…… You’re gonna be totally beaten at your own game……!

Kotoko: Hm. The border between the two is getting a lot vaguer. Your entire existence is a crime. And I will see you’re punished for it. That is what Milgram, and Es, and I have chosen.

Plainly for everyone to see. He just straight up says that they've both split off from the group. Comparing how he's alone to how Kotoko is on her own as well to an extent.

All of this illustrates to me that Mikoto (John) was not communicating with anyone over the course of the first trial intermission in general. Not just from what we as the audience could tell.

So, this drastic shift from not appearing at all during the intermission to appearing within two portal timelines over the course of this trials intermission is a change that could be considered a direct result of the change in verdict.

On top of that, unlike before, none of the prisoners seem to be afraid to approach Mikoto or be approached by him. This could very well be because they know it’s the Mikoto they got to know from trial one. Unlike the situation with the previous intermission where he became

"Like that."

In Shidou's vague words,

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that.

If none of that is enough- which it really should be. I cannot state enough how much that up there should be enough for this point to stand on its own.

However if it isn't this framing is further supported within his voice drama,

Mikoto Voice Drama 2 Neoplasm

5:03

“But, you know… This isn’t a good thing, probably.”

What do you mean?

“I (boku) might be trying to disappear.”

…

“Evidently, the time I (ore) have been fronting has been getting longer, so this “me” has been able to stabilize. Isn’t that the reason we can talk properly?”

So, if during the time even Mikoto (John) themselves stated they were out longer out of the them was spent being completely antisocial and avoiding speaking to anyone. Why would that suddenly change with now? Why would he start directly antagonizing people especially the youngest person here.

Wouldn't the bigger threat be the guy built like a wall that walked up and basically went if you need help keeping yourself and check I can fold you any time. Not Amane the middle schooler? Like he didn't feel threatened enough to intervene in any part of that conversation but certainly this child inviting to him to pray deserves to be beaten to death for offering him salvation.

Because,

“I” (boku) will save “me” (boku)

Yes, I'm dead ass right now- Both uses in MeMe are just boku.

Oh my gosh it's like people can use whatever way to refer to themselves they want at their convenience or something. Wow, shocker oh my gosh.

Or does anyone want to posit the idea that Mikoto (John) also referred to as ore did not appear in MeMe at all? He visually appeared. That much is for certain no matter how you slice it.

However, this plays into what's said in the subtitles of Double that Mikoto (John) is Double and Mikoto is as the cover of Double alluded to MeMe.

So, that's just Mikoto's song he claimed that shit. He claimed that shit heavily. Under that framing MeMe using boku predominantly throughout while Double uses ore,

Would make a lot of sense. However it would raise the very compelling question of Mikoto what the fuck?

Since MeMe is very much the,

"I did that shit and I'd do it again too."

Song out of the both of them. Where he literally goes fuck you I'm not sorry you're just fucking wrong and-

"The truth will come to reveal itself- I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right." - "Why, hey why, please let me out of here."

Well that's some boku shit right there, can't argue with preferred pronouns. Boku all the way through. That's just how Mikoto is. Killing that man, discarding the evidence, having a nice bath after all boku damn. It's hell of unfortunate that things simply were that simple. Yet, ya know all that anger, resentment and hate was simply all Mikoto.

Then there's the whole issue of what Mikoto (John) said within their second trial voice drama. Which not only continues to support the idea that Mikoto (John) was the one mainly out and about during the intermission,

5:45

“As for alters… Why do you think they’re born?”

In precise terms, it’s called dissociative identity disorder. Generally speaking, when a person experiences severe pain or stress a new personality is created to try and isolate the original from the resulting trauma.

“Yeah. I… probably come out to ease the stress I (boku) experiences. The fact that I come out for longer just means that I (boku) is constantly under extreme stress.”

Stress… Namely the environment of Milgram, right?

“Right. Especially the fact that you judged against forgiving Boku is causing a lot of stress. That’s why he’s entrusting me with his heart.”

I see.

10:06

“It’s true that I was the one who wanted to destroy everything… and the weakness of Boku, who couldn’t stand up for himself all alone, might have been the origin of that. But… that’s all there is to it. Is that a sin?”

I’ll be considering that after this.

“After talking to you, I get that you couldn’t forgive what I did. And I’m fine with that.”

…Yeah. That’s right.

“The one Milgram is supposed to judge is Boku – Mikoto, right. He’s not me – so, not John.”

Precisely.

“Please, forgive Boku. If you don’t… I’m sure he won’t be able to deal with this any longer.”

“A sin committed by another personality isn’t a sin”... you’re telling me that’s how I should judge?

“Yeah. If you forgive Boku… I’ll disappear.”

After this Mikoto Kayano regardless of how either refers to themselves was found overwhelmingly,

Innocent. So, if all of this were true (which it doesn't have to be he could have just lied) then I have one question,

Why the fuck is he still here?

If it was as simple as Mikoto (John) presented it to be within their second voice drama then why is he still being implied to be here or here at all?

Why is Mikoto telling Kazui he's concerned about lashing out again?

24/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ––No, it’s just…… I’m happy for the thought…… But I don’t even know myself what I’ll do next. So I can’t really hang out at the moment, y’know? But…… haha, aren’t you scared, Kazu-san?

Kazui: Hmm, I guess because of my work, I’m used to dealing with rowdy youngsters. Obviously you have your reasons. I don’t feel like prying, though. Well, whenever you feel like it, you’re always welcome. If you’re always on your own it’ll just make you feel worse. I’ll be company if you need to relieve some stress.

Mikoto: Yeah…… I’m not really, y’know, used to relying on other people. Like, I start to worry that I’m being a burden. And it’s hard for me to deal with feeling so pathetic…… If I do say so myself, I’m super Japanese, haha……

Kazui: Hm…… well, I’m fine whatever. If this is what’s easiest for you, I won’t force you. But you know, being in your 20s is still super young. It’s great that you’re so disciplined, but most people won’t worry if you’re a bit of a burden. I mean, I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m still a kid now.

Now let me shot down my own point real quick-

It makes sense that Mikoto would tell Kazui to stay back because he's concerned that he may lash out again. He doesn't know about the deal Mikoto (John) made with Es. The one where he blatantly states that he will disappear as long as Mikoto is voted innocent. For all he knows it could happen again.

So, let me rephrase,

Why the fuck would Mikoto (John)- Someone who would know about that deal and under this framing have the unrestrained capacity to just destroy Amane and anyone else here warn her about himself?

If he doesn't want to hurt Amane he can just not fucking do that. That's a very real option he has and has taken in the past with others. He fought Kotoko back without injuring her at all- Furthermore, why would it even be necessary for someone only interested in defending themselves to throw hands with anyone else here outside of an instance where there's an attack happening already?

Neoplasm 11:03

"That’s right. I’ll have to disappear eventually, anyway… Disappear, and take all of it with me. I… was born to protect boku, after all."

You were… born for it…

"Yeah. If it’s for boku, I’ll… do anything."

Trial two Written Interrogation

Q.16 Is there something you'd protect at the cost of your life?

Mikoto: MIKOTO'S LIFE.

Even when Mikoto attacked Kotoko it was when she had already begun attacking others. It isn't unreasonable to interrogate the idea that he attacked her while she was preoccupied because he knew she might come for him next. Especially given he was aware of their verdict at the time.

Unless everyone has conveniently forgotten the details of their altercation that Kotoko herself admitted to,

Yonah 0:23

"I attacked everyone in order, but because of the interference caused by Kayano Mikoto and Mukuhara Kazui, who was protecting Kajiyama Fuuta, I couldn't finish it properly. But I was still able to do some damage. After attacking Shiina Mahiru, I had no time left for Momose Amane."

Even so I don't even have to go this far to display that the autheticity of this warning is questionable at best. Because again working under the assumption that the warning is from Mikoto (John) makes it a moot point.

Since as I said before if he didn't want to attack Amane he could just not do that. It makes sense for Mikoto to be concerned about what could happen without his knowledge. He has no control over Mikoto (John) or their actions to our knowledge at this time.

But for Mikoto (John) to behave in a manner that implies that his actions may be out of their immediate control as well and tell Amane to keep her distance- Is noticeably odd. Again he can just not do that shit no one is holding a gun to his head telling him to kill more people or attack anyone.

23/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Amane: …….Who are you? How peculiar. Could it really be that you aren't Kayano Mikoto?

Kayano: Huh, who am I? Yeah, that's what I wanna know. Wait, Fuck- uh, get back. I'm in my rebellious phase, so I can't guarantee I won't beat you to a pulp. So just keep your mouth shut about this and get lost.

Amane: ……I'll be sure to heed your warning. However, if you wish to be saved, you should come to us, let's pray together. No matter who you are anyone can be saved.

Kayano: That's stupid….. If there really is a god, he should just show up and save us. I'd pray to a god like that as much as he wants.

Based on the punctuation this isn't a hostile conversation. There are no exclamation points used. It's mostly ellipses and full stops. The only time Mikoto gets noticeably startled in a way that is readable is when "- " is used to show an abrupt cut off.

This may imply that he may have taken a step back from Amane as she tried to move closer to him. Amane also doesn't respond to his warning harshly instead stating she'll heed it. Then invite him to pray together with her. Something that an individual who was just overtly threatened wouldn't usually do if they can safely get away which she can.

She can just leave, she's inviting him to another thing. Directly after he told her to leave. All of this together gives the impression of a hushed and anxious conversation. Not a particularly hostile one.

Under this framing, it could be Mikoto (John) warning Amane about Mikoto. Which would could explain why the text can read as jumpy and concerned about who may be overhearing.

Mirroring the conversation between Kotoko and Haruka in a lot of ways,

23/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……please, don’t tell anyone. And also, please, don’t get involved. All I can do, is ask, you……

Kotoko: ––Fufu, fufufufufu. That’s a crazy thing to be thinking. Honestly, it’s weird. But I don’t hate it. If only all the wrongdoers were like you.

Haruka: No…… that’s wrong…… That’s not, why I’m doing, this…… This, isn’t for me…… I have to protect…… so, Kotoko-san……please……

Kotoko: Eh? Ah, yeah, yeah. Well, I promise I won’t get in your way. Honestly, if I could, I’d love to do it myself, but I’ll step back this time. As for what happens next…… I wonder. It depends on Es.

Mikoto (John) is very much in control of his own actions but he doesn't know what Mikoto may do. Now that he's innocent and during the intermission the prisoners are unrestrained.

It's also incredibly different from how Mikoto conducts himself when talking to Kazui about keeping his distance. In that interaction he stays calm and is even somewhat curious asking Kazui,

"But…… haha, aren’t you scared, Kazu-san?"

Then proceeds to have a leveled conversation with him after that.

Unlike when Mikoto was talking to Kazui on August 5, 2024 where Mikoto is calm and leveled. If this is Mikoto (John) his panicked anxious and speaks in a way that implied he physical jumps back to keep away from Amane.

Now if this Mikoto (John) why would he be discussing this in such a way to imply he doesn't have control over his own self. Why would he be pondering about who he is as we see Mikoto do throughout the timeline and in his voice dramas,

"You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha." - 23/10/06 (Mikoto's Birthday)

Neoplasm

"It’s pretty tough, isn’t it? (laughs) Ever since I came here, so much has been happening that I don’t understand…"

… You really… do laugh when you’re suffering, huh?

"Huh?"

You don’t get angry. You don’t scream. You laugh, like it’s a minor inconvenience.

"Ah… I guess so. I might have that kind of trait."

20/07/08

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone too.

Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

"Why, hey why, I’m nowhere to be found?"

Mikoto has repeatedly brought up difficulty with understanding himself and his habits. Along with put his anxiety when it came to being at fault or to blame for all of this on full display out the gate-

"I’m probably not to blame, it’s probably nothing I’m probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon."

In contrast Mikoto (John) isn't shown to have this crisis of identity bluntly stating in the second voice drama that he was born to keep Mikoto safe and in the second written interrogation that he's willing to give his life for that.

Q.16 Is there something you'd protect at the cost of your life?

Mikoto: MIKOTO'S LIFE.

"I… was born to protect boku, after all."

So, why would he be questioning this now? When he was so ready to to end his own life just to make sure Mikoto wound up innocent. Why would he suddenly feel uncertain about his identity?

Insecurities so similar to the same ones put on display through all of MeMe where boku is only the term used.

"Is this selfish? This isn’t too much is it?" - "Ahhh, it’s the same anywhere I go. It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong- I’m already the fake one."

"Could it really be that you aren't Kayano Mikoto?"

"Wait, fuck- uh,"

20/07/15

Amane: Eh, my studies? I enjoy it. To me, studying is something I do for fun. Do you not think the same, Mikoto-san?

Mikoto: Not at all! It’s just a means to an end…… I just did the bare minimum needed to get into a good company. I actually went to an arts uni that had a pretty low subject requirement to enroll, and from there I studied curation and…… uhh, you don’t really know what that is huh. Hmm. Since your way of speaking is so mature, I keep forgetting I need to explain myself properly……

Amane: It’s fine. If there are any words I don’t understand I can look them up later. An arts university, though…… Does that mean you’re good at drawing, then? It may be a bit rude to say, but that’s rather unexpected.

Mikoto: No, not really…? I mean, I could do the bare minimum needed to pass the entrance exam though. Even though it’s called an arts uni, there’s still subjects where you don’t need to draw at all. I’m the sort of person who tries to be efficient, so I worked backwards from the job I wanted to get into and chose to study subjects like direction and management~ ……ah, I’ve done it again……

It seems like Mikoto may have a habit of letting of his guard down around Amane and saying too much as a result or as he says it,

"I need to explain myself properly......"

Not explaining himself as properly as he should. Because he starts speaking too casually and a lot because Amane won't stop him and will just listen. Which can lead to him possibly saying some things he shouldn't have-

"Wait, fuck- uh,"

Mikoto (on his last resort if I picot and act like the other guy I can get out of this): Fuck you kid I'll kick your ass don't tell anyone about this-

Amane (understanding the dissociative horrors): . . . You can always come pray with me sometime.

Mikoto: That's stupid. (So stupid of a suggestion that I actually forgot what I was upset about.)

Amane: ... (He may have to die with the doctor.)

Amane hitting him with the let's pray together was the equivalent of that one post that's like I told somebody I was having an episode and they asked if it was a beach episode- or even the are you like for real sad post. It was such an outlandish fucking suggestion it just balanced him right back out. Like that "That's stupid." ws the most blunt and immediate response he's ever had to anything in this series and it greatly amuses me.

Because like sir-

Q.19   Do you believe god exists?

Mikoto: I don’t believe, no. I don’t feel so strongly that I’m gonna deny the possibility but like, what do I gain from believing?

"That's stupid….. If there really is a god, he should just show up and save us. I'd pray to a god like that as much as he wants."

Like still true he's not denying the existence of god outright and still saying his faith is dependent on what that god can do for him first. So again definitely just Mikoto. Like I'm sorry it's just clearly him.

Even down to going save me and then I'll pray to you aligning directly with his-

"But like, what do I gain from believing?"

All of that self doubt and insecurity throughout MeMe is fully attached to boku meanwhile Double does only use ore. However in the case of Double that is blatantly stated to be a conversation between the surface and the underneath.

Source: Maristelina

This timeline also seems to begin in the middle of a conversation not at the beginning of it. Since I doubt Amane would start a conversation with Mikoto asking who he is.

Outside of that the beginning of this timeline mirrors the end of Amane's one with Mahiru,

23/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)

Amane: Happy birthday. Mahiru-san. How is your body feeling?

Mahiru: ……ah, Amane-chan. Thank you. Yeah, I’m fine. Now I can move around if I use a wheelchair…… It’s all thanks to Shidou-san looking after me……

Amane: I’ll give you one warning. The two of you are dabbling in something tabooed. If you continue to go against the way of nature like this, you’ll just bring an early death upon yourself. Think hard about this.

Mahiru: Amane-chan……? Are you really Amane-chan……?

Also Amane unlike Mikoto when it came to Kazui's timeline where he didn't wish him happy birthday isn't impolite. So this conversation probably began with her wishing him happy birthday and they cut past this to here.

It would also align with Amane's recruiting habits as she went up to Futa and propositioned him on his birthday as well. Using his the day it was as a pretense of sorts.

22/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: Ahh…… I’m not wrong…… I wasn’t doing anything wrong……Shut up, why are you going on an on about something so minor…… It has nothing to do with you…… Aaahhh……

Amane: Oh, were you talking to yourself, Futa-san? Or maybe there’s something there you’re able to see?

Futa: ……! O-oh, it’s just you. It’s nothing. ……but well, on that note. Hey. Don’t you have anything happening too? Since being in here, just suddenly getting anxious. Feeling as though loads of people are all there condemning you, telling you you were wrong.

Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either…… ……today is your birthday, correct? I’ll pray for God to keep you under his care.

23/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ……! Oi, is it just you. Don’t scare me like that. You shouldn’t just stand there saying nothing. Hah, what? Did you just come to laugh at me for being weak? Dumb brat.

Amane: No. I just came to observe. To see what people are thinking. To see who is being corrupted. What about you, Kajiyama Futa?

Futa: I understand even less of what you’re saying than I did before. Brat, you’re on the side who weren’t forgiven too, right? ……so why can you still stand. Don’t you can hear it too? The voices blaming us. ……I don’t have the energy to do anything like this.

Amane: It goes without saying. Because there’s something far more important than the voices of people we can’t even see. People are able to get back up again. As long as there’s something to guide them. Kajiyama Futa, by coincidence today happens to be your birthday, correct? Don’t you think it’s a good opportunity to be reborn? If, right now, you could shake off those around you trying to drag you down to depravity, and could change––

Since this interaction ended with a similar proposition and Amane has wished Mikoto happy birthday before. Implied in his very first birthday timeline she'd remember it. Just as she remembered Futa's without needing any reminding. So she probably wished him a happy birthday prior to the point we were allowed to listen end.

Making this the tail end of their conversation and why it seems to start so abruptly.

Outside of that there have been some interesting things with time concerning Mikoto's timelines.

The one between him and Kazui was released at five pm JST August 5, 2024 and the one today was put up at seven pm JST. This aligns with the times that Amane and Mikoto state to be up and sleep at during Milgram.

Q.15 What time do you go to sleep and wake up?

Amane: I sleep at 9pm and wake up at 6am.

Q.20 Are you more of a morning person or a night person?

Mikoto: I used to be basically nocturnal. Recently though I’ve been falling asleep pretty early.

Something that conflicts with the timing of his first birthday timeline that from comments that can be seen on that was posted in the middle of the night.

Though this very well could be a manner of time zones and there's no way for me to tell when exactly this was posted. Not for lack of DoctorBunny trying.

But the timeline itself implies it's the middle of the night as well. Not only that but Mikoto (John) was lashing out because Kotoko not wishing Mikoto a happy birthday was troubling Mikoto.

And as we learned trial two-

Q.15 What's something you can't forgive?

Mikoto: THINGS THAT TROUBLE MIKOTO

20/10/07 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ■■…… gh…… Gah…… ■■…… aaa…… nh…… ■…… ■■■■■……!!

Kotoko: …………hm. Have you finally calmed down? Kayano Mikoto.

Kotoko: ………… So you want me to wish you a happy birthday? I don’t really mind, but is that really something for you to be saying to me?

Mikoto: You’re the last person I need to have the whole group. If there was just one person left it’d be bugging me all night and I’d never get to sleep, right? At times like this you have to abandon your pride and just say something, right~?

Kotoko: Ok, here you go. Happy birthday. ……if this is what will help you sleep soundly.

Mikoto: Oh, thanks! Now I don’t need to worry~

Yeah, remember when I said put a pin in that. Okay, time to take that out. This timeline serves to foreshadow Mikoto being unrestrained. Since here Mikoto (John) attacks Kotoko while the first trial is still underway. Something that we learn in trial two the prisoners aren't allowed to do.

"By the way, fighting between the prisoners will be prohibited once you’ve woken up. It’s for the sake of MILGRAM progressing. So relax, and take a breather for the moment. That is to say, anything note-worthy will happen after the end of the second trial."

Jackalope specifically says it's for the sake of Milgram progressing. So, this measure was more than likely in place from the start. Just like the barrier that was meant to protect Es from the prisoners attacking them. It just didn't work on Mikoto (John) because he's not the prisoner.

This also serves to highlight that the portal timelines do have foreshadowing within them that aligns with the information observed from other parts of Milgram Something I feel better highlights the point I'm trying to make. There isn't just one thing that will allow people to know what's going on at a glance when it comes to this series. Milgram is a series that actively rewards viewers for engaging with it.

Trying to keep things simple will just make Milgram into the joke many of the prisoners already believe it to be. Well, there's nothing wrong with a good joke every now and then just try to make sure it isn't on you though.

It's like the series said from the start-

“UNDER” Which way will you throw down your weight? To be the deceived, or the deceiver.

It's up to the audience how far this goes. Backing out is always an option but if the audience is unthinking then the only destination from here is hell. And a lot of those innocent verdicts were done with very little thought weren't they?

[dickarchivist]

Hello dear Archivist! 

I’m quickly falling in love with your boys, and I love everything you’ve written for Ghost & Banshee 💜 But after reading your NSFW ALPHABET post for the squad, I can’t stop thinking about Specter…  

If you’re feeling up for it, I’d love to request a little fic for him (SFW or NSFW… which ever feels right 🥰)

Since he seems a bit more guarded than his brothers, what would falling in love look like for him? You mentioned he loves photography & is known for taking pictures of everything, so would his artistic hobbies be influenced by the person he’s falling for? Would he know right away, or would the feelings sneak up on him? 

Thank you 💜 (@wings-and-beskar)

Vermillion

Clone oc Specter x fem!Reader

Word Count: 1305

Prompt: How does Specter fall in love?

Rating: PG-14 for swearing, but minors DNI as always 🔞

Contents and Warnings: swearing, Specter being broody and jealous, a break up (not with Specs), laughing, being silly together, passionate kiss, split lip (not graphic)

Summary: Specter's in love with you, every little bit. He'd do anything for you, say the word... but he wants to make sure you're not going to break his heart.

Author's Notes: Specter's POV!!!! He's so rude, I love him!!

Thanks to @wings-and-beskar for being so patient on this one!! You are a kindness unto my life♡

This one is left open ended on purpose, I'm thinking about writing a sequel so we shall see 👀

This fic doesn't hit on everything asked I'm so sorry weh. But!! I do feel like it answers the question "How does Specter fall in love?" On purpose.

Look at you. Hair's all messy, but I know you styled it that way. You make that stuffy GAR uniform look good, even sexy with how it hugs your curves. I'm glad you never wear that dumb little hat, I think it'd ruin your look... or maybe it'd just make you so tantalizing that I wouldn't be able to help myself. I click a few pictures of you, and I hope you don't mind or notice, but just...

Fuck you. Fuck you just standing there, chewing your stylus, looking down at your data pad with a scrunched brow and squinted eyes. Like it's the most important thing in the world, whatever's on there. We're supposed to be together right now, you called me. You asked me to tail it down here to keep you company and of course I did. I'd do anything you kriffin' ask. I want you lookin' at me so focused. Lookin' at me like I'm more important. What does it have that's keeping your attention so-- holy shit.

"OH FUCK OFF!!!!" You fling that stupid pad so hard and so far it shatters on impact when it hits your wall, and I can't stop myself from laughing. "SPECTER SHUT IT!!"

"What the kriff was on there that made you so mad? You were laser focus unti-- hey. Hey what's wrong? Why the tears?" I close my camera and come over so fast I can't blame you for jumping back. Didn't mean to come on so hard, I'd say sorry but your arms are around my waist so quick my words just leave my head.

"My boyfriend just dumped me, over a text..." my anger overthrows my joy.

"I was hoping so hard that you'd leave him, not for that skug to dump you and not even in person. I'll kill him. I could do it. It wouldn't even be that hard, I'm trained, he's a kriffing bar tender and not even a good one. Half his shit is just water and food color, I hate him so much, he was never any good to you... why are you crying harder? Shit shit shit, how do I make it better, shit-- no- oh... oh you're laughing! Why are you laughing?"

"Specs, you know you're talking out loud, right?"

My face in on FIRE. "Uh-- nope. Fuck... forget I said that, yeah?"

"Not a chance," You're smiling... maker I adore that smile. I move my hands to your face and brush my thumbs over your cheeks, "Specter, do you really feel like that?"

I look away from you, my eyebrows raised, a tall frown on my lips as if to shrug them, "I mean... yeah? That smug son of a--" I catch my temper, and sigh, arms around your shoulders again, "He wasn't good for you. Been sayin' that from the get, but did you listen? Nooooooo," You're laughing more, so I keep it up. I mimic your voice, very poorly, "Oh Specs! He's soooo dreamy!"

"Oh knock it off, I don't sound like that!" You push me, making me stagger a little, your cheeks red from laughing. Maker that laugh, I love it so much.

"Specs, he's so beautiful! He says he's in a band! Oh I can't wait to have his babies!"

"SPECTER! MY SIDES, PLEASE!" You're laughing so hard those tears down your cheeks aren't sad anymore, and I'm over the moons about that.

I put my arm around your shoulders, giving you a little shake and a squeeze, my voice back to my own, "I mean it, though... say the word and he'll disappear. Or say another word, and he'll turn into a toad. You know, like he already is."

I love it when you laugh so hard you snort. I know you hate it, you always apologize and cover your face. But I love it. Even Phantom can't get you to laugh like that... "Specs what're you smiling at me like that for?"

It's my turn to laugh. I chuckle a little, give you another squeeze, "What? I can't enjoy you laughing without getting the 3rd degree?"

You roll your eyes, knocking into me harder and giving me a tight squeeze of a hug. I'm all too happy to return it. "Thanks Specs, I don't know what I'd do without a good man like you by my side."

"You'd be a lot more sad over losers who don't deserve your tears, that's for sure," you don't have any idea what I'd do for you, how much you mean to me... how much I love you...

"Specter, new orders from the council. We're headed out in 15, get your ass over here." Ghost doesn't sound to pleased from the way his voice barks from the commlink.

I groan, roll my eyes with my whole body just to get you to giggle again, and then lift the comm, "I'm in the lower levels, it'll take more than 15 minutes."

"Then you'd better hurry."

Ghost's been a hard ass lately, but I can't blame him, I've been blowing him off to spend time with you. Who needs extra training? Not an ARC trooper... probably. Might have to be better about that...

Since I know I'll be late anyway, I take my time finding my boots in your flat. I know where they are, you know I know, but we still take the time to "look". Before I'm out the door, I hold your cheek again, "He didn't deserve you, you know that, right?"

"Yeah... sorry for being so distracted today, make it up to you next time?" When you bite your lip like that, do you have any idea what it does to me?

I don't know if there's gonna be a next time. I think that's why I keep blowing off drills, because I want you, not a war. I want life, with you, always, infinitely more than running laps and fire practice... I lean forward and press my lips to your forehead, taking a deep breath, just to remember you by.

Just in case.

"Next time, I'm asking you out. Don't go falling for anymore shitty bar tenders, okay? If I'm getting one up'd, he'd gotta have quality, and-" Oh fuck me.

I hold you up as you jump onto me. My arms go under your legs and up your back as your lips crash into mine, our teeth knocking together. You split my lip, it stings, but getting to taste your chapstick is more than reward enough.

"Why'd-- mmm-- why'd you--" I can't get a word in, your kisses are feverish in their quickness, I don't want to stop, but-- but it's not right. It's not for me. It's to drown your sorrow and I can't be that for you, I don't want to be, "Stop."

I set you down gentle, you look so dejected, darlin' you're breaking my heart... "You mean the galaxy to me, you know that? But I can't... I won't be your rebound. I'm not going to be a one and done for you, got that? So when I get back, I'm askin' you on a date. I-- fuck this, I love you, I want you to love me too, so just... process, get over that idiot, and then wear red for me when I'm back so I know it's okay..."

Oh maker you're angry- no? That's- okay not crying, not confused I know your confused face... what the hell are you thinking right now? "I don't own anything red... I um... I'll get something, do you have a preference?"

My eyes soften, and yours do too, and I know... I know I won't have to wait, but I do anyway. I want to make sure you love me back... I can't be your rebound. I need to be your last.

"Vermillion is my favorite."

×××××××××××××

Taglist: @anxiouspineapple99 @wolffegirlsunite @wizardofrozz @eclec-tech @dystopicjumpsuit @clonethirstingisreal @wings-and-beskar @sunshinesdaydream @multi-fan-dom-madness @starrylothcat @n0vqni @sev-on-kamino @mythical-illustrator @523rdrebel @littlemissmanga

[sevlawless]

nothing without you

pairing: m!seven lawless x f!mc (arabella aveiro)

word count: 962

warnings: none just arabella going THROUGH IT

tags: @blainehayes @agentdumortain @valcubust-main

notes: so the @infamous-if brain rot is here and it's very fucking real lmfao- ever since i played i have not been able to stop thinking about it and more specifically, how my mc would cope post break up with seven. something something i still love you i still have to live that but how does ANYONE live with that .. anyway here it is! the song arabella sings is honeysuckle by pom pom squad

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

if i'm nothing without you, am i anything at all?

the chorus rattles around in her head long after she stops singing it. she seems to be frozen in place, her thoughts drowning out the ability to do anything else, although she does notice the faint sound of silence. the rest of dead apple have long stopped playing, but no one says anything. they seem to be doing that a lot lately when it comes to her.

she wasn't even supposed to be at this rehearsal, and she even agreed with her bandmates when they suggested she take some time away to process everything. the music can wait while she figures out how to move forward.

but all she can think about is music, all she could think about while she spent the last two weeks trying to pull herself back together is to write songs.

how do you go through something so traumatic and not write about it?

losing sev- just his name passing through her brain is enough to make her eyes clench shut, gripping the microphone stand in front for her tighter.

losing him is the worst pain she's ever felt in her life. how do you go from talking to someone every single day for the past eleven years to suddenly no contact? how does anyone cope with that? she'd really like to know.

it doesn't help that she was so unbelievably in love with him. she never was one to believe in soulmates but no matter how dumb she thought it was, she considered seven to be her's.

a soulmate who now wants nothing to do with you.

she lets out a ragged breath, which prompts someone reaching out to touch her shoulder.

"arabella-" it's rowan, his voice uncharacteristically timid, and it makes her stomach churn. she shrugs his hand off and turns to face him.

"i'm fine," she snaps, wincing at the tone in her voice. he's staring at her pitifully. if she dared to glance at the others they would share the same look.

they were just as much friends with seven as she was. why are they all so fucking concerned for her in particular? a part of her wants to say that if they were so upset about her, they never would have taken that stupid vote in the first place. the vote that ruined everything.

seeing the look on seven's face, the hurt in his eyes, the betrayal-

she can't think about this right now. she's spent the last two weeks trying to move on and fuck if she's about to cry in front of the band over this.

she turns back around, storming toward the exit. as she yanks the door open and slams it behind her, she wonders if anyone will come after her.

they don't.

she can't even get into the car before she's a sobbing mess, hands shaking as she clambers into her vehicle, resting her head against the steering wheel. her hands are balled into tight fists as she considers if punching something would help the pain subside. it didn't help last time.

last time. that night casts an unbearable weight down on her and makes her shoulders shake as she recalls her and seven screaming at each other in drunken rage, both saying things they can never take back. going to a place they could never come back from. when he left she punched a hole in the wall and her hand flares up as a reminder. her bruised knuckles are starting to heal now, and some part of her wishes they weren't. maybe so she could have one last piece of seven to remember him by. just one last trace of the effect he had on her so it didn't feel like the eleven years she spent with him were for nothing.

they can't just be nothing.

right?

that seems to be what they are now- he hasn't talked to her since that night and every day, every hour it feels like she pulls up his contact info out of reflex to tell him something. a joke, a lyric for a song, a text just to tell him she's thinking of him. she always manages to realize what she's doing before she hits send and she doesn't think that will get any easier.

if i'm nothing without you, am i anything at all?

the lyrics she wrote down one night after getting drunk in an attempt to get him out of her brain dance around in her mind again.

she can't remember the person she was before seven. it's not the one who stares back at her now as she wipes her eyes and looks into the rearview mirror.

would she like that person? would they be friends? she never thought about it until now. she never thought she would have to.

how do you move on from someone that was so inexplicably tethered to you? where there was arabella, seven was right there next to her.

she looks across to the passenger seat that seven used to occupy every day and is met with no one there. she sees the grey headrest where a black mop of hair used to lie. she sees the middle console where his fingers used to drum to the beat of whatever was playing through the speakers. she sees the dash where he used to lay his worn out combat boots on.

emptiness eats away at her until all she can do is let out another sob.

some part of her wonders if he even feels a fraction of what she does. he has to. for her own peace of mind, she hopes this has been as hard on him as it has on her.

but she wouldn't know.

[sugarschnaps]

Leland HCs, because he died in Chapter Four

My heart has been broken by fanfiction countless times with Leland dying omg. (You know who you are) Anyways so I decided to write some Leland Golden boy McKinney HCs!!! They're mostly for my comfort and my inexplicable thoughts. Went from Leland hater to Leland brainrot real fast. Thank you, fanfiction authors! You're a gift to the planet <3 Not used to writing for characters that aren't my ocs, and these are purely my own comfort hcs, so hopefully you guys don't mind my little contribution to the fandom. I might post other hcs if people want? idk Side note: These are also kind of somewhere between "soft boyfriend" and "part time group dad" energy, interpret these how you want. :D

-

He's not big on slushies originally. Probably not a big fan of cold things generally with a few exceptions of course, but he can't resist seeing you so excited to try the new flavour and wanting to drag him along. (At the time, probably blue raspberry. It came out in '74!) And of course, he'll go with you. You manage to persuade him to try it. He winds up enjoying them quite a lot. Blue raspberry is his favourite from then on, though you can never quite tell if it's the flavour that he likes or the fact that you introduced it to him.

He doesn't like hot custard. Can't explain that one, it's just a thought, honestly. But he'd rather die than eat hot custard, he just doesn't like it lmao

He absolutely has a thing for you wearing his shirts or if he has a jacket on, his jacket at the time. Especially when it's colder out, and he knows he can help you warm up. He protects his friends from literal cannibals in game, so why not from the elements too? And to build on this, I also HC he doesn't really like leather jackets because of his arms. They're always tight for his shoulders. But he still wears them sometimes for style points, you know what I'm saying? (When I say "a thing" here it means his heart is swelling and he can't stop smiling. Proud dad, maybe happy boyfriend, I dunno I'm just here for happy and alive boy Leland)

He gives the best hugs out of the whole group, for sure. He's always warm to the touch, even in winter, it's like he's literally got a built in heater or something. Plus, look at him. He is literally built for hugs. Wrestle hugs? Are those a thing? They are now I said so He'd definitely have anyone he cuddles with feel safe when he holds them. (He also prefers to be hugged around the waist than higher up his body.)

If you ever go out to watch a movie with him, you're absolutely leaving there laughing. Leland is a master of comedic timing and stupid comments. He'll find a way to spin any movie to be a comedy. Horror, Romance, anything. He'll make a terrible joke, and it'll be funny. Maybe less because of the actual comedic value, more in how he delivers his jokes, or how he ends up laughing halfway through them and ends up laughing also. His laugh is infectious.

Leland gives me dad joke energy. I will not elaborate.

He is literally just such a ray of sunshine. He's a bit dim-witted at times (it's ok bb me too <3) but he makes up for it in how pure he generally is. He's a good shoulder to cry on, especially while hugging him (literally speaking as well as emotional things- sorry, I'll shut up about his arms now). He might not be 100% certain how to comfort you most of the time, but he's trying his best.

One thing I can conform for an absolute certain is that he has the most banging record collection anybody has ever known. Man has brilliant taste in music. Queen, ABBA, that whole vibe is his favourite to listen to. He has a collection of vinyls he tells nobody about. You're probably the first to know, likely from him knowing the words to things like Killer Queen especially.

His favourite song, however, is definitely Hooked on a Feeling. It's just... I can't explain it. He'd dad dance to this, for sure. He's just a little silly goofy boy <3333

If you're the type of person that sees fluffy and/or soft hair and immediately wants to braid a bit of it, he will gladly let you do so. He'll probably have to lean down for it to be more comfortable for you. He doesn't care if you're a bit messy or not used to braiding hair properly, he'll happily keep it in for a day at least. He has the SOFTEST hair anybody has ever known, he's just a very fluffy boy and I love him.

In the winter, if you forget to bring gloves or whatnot, he'll hold your hands to warm them up. Referring back to the little portable heater energy thingy we've got going for him. Also, doesn't matter who you are his hands are always bigger than yours even if it's very slightly.

He gives me golden retriever energy he's so baby That's it that's the post, love y'all, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk <3

[tooxmanyxships]

Hiiii, maybe you could write something abt loscar and flowers? I saw your post asking for something to write and that was my first thought :)

Thank you(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

Oh I'm definitely writing Loscar after this whole Williams drama. So much kudos to Logan. You're a real man, kid

Shitty.

That's an understatement to how he feels, but it's honestly the first word that comes to mind if anyone asked him how he felt.

He's been asked a lot, mostly by the press of course. But he kept the word shitty just quiet in his mind.

He kept his head held high.

He understood their decision. Alex got them the most points last season. Alex was the most experienced driver.

He understood all of it.

That still didn't make him feel any better about himself.

He still wanted to prove himself and now that chance was taken from him by a stupid chassis.

Standing in the elevator to go up to his hotel room, he was so ready to just be alone. To not have to see all these looks of pity.

The door opens and he lifts his cap to card his fingers through his hair quickly, sighing as he walks to the door of his room.

He's so ready to just be alone....

Except that when he opens the door ---

He's not alone.

In the center of the room, in the center of the bed as well, is Oscar.

Oscar, laying in a pool of flowerpetals?

"Osc, what---"

"I'm so proud of you." Oscar cuts him off gently, getting up from the bed and walking over to him.

There are some petals stuck in his hair, but it's actually kinda cute, so Logan keeps his mouth shut.

"What you're doing for Alex, for your team.... I don't know if I could take it."

Logan ducks his head, shrugs, "He's the better driver."

"Logan. Stop." He can't let him say that. He won't. "You're an amazing driver. You just have to believe it yourself."

And Oscar knows. He knows this is yet another blow to Logan's confidence. That's why he came to his room with his extra key card.

"Loges, look at me." He reaches out and hooks his finger under Logan's chin, gently lifting his face up. "You'll show them next time how good you are. Before you know it, when they get in a situation like this again, they'll give you the only car they have and not Alex. Let's see how the world will react to that."

Logan can't help it. He has to smile. Just a little bit.

"You're crazy, Oscar."

Oscar grins, leans forward to press a peck to Logan's lips.

"Now how about watching a movie and going to bed early?"

Logan nods and lets Oscar take his hand and lead him to the bed.

Once in front of the bed, he can practically feel Oscar cringe next to him as they both stare at the bed.

Logan's eyes sparkle mischievously as he tugs on Oscar's hand.

"Talking about crazy - - - What's up with the petals?"

Oscar clears his throat, "I have no idea what I was doing, but I think I thought it was cute? I tried creating a heart, but well..." He gestures towards the bed helplessly, "I guess I ended up with just a pile."

"Very creative." Logan chuckles, pulling at Oscar to turn so they're facing each other. "And you're right," he smiles as he reaches out to take the petal that was stuck out of Oscar's hair. "It really is kinda cute."

They grin at each other. Each knowing exactly what the other's thinking.

They stand next to each other, holding hands, then let themselves fall backwards onto the bed, flowerpetals flying everywhere.

Their giggles and laughs can probably be heard through the hallway.

This was suddenly so much better than staying on his own.

Leave it to Oscar to cheer him up again.

[phebess]

Hello, loyal reader of your work here, I've been quiet for too long probably, considering how I eat up your carlando fics, too many thoughts and I'm shy, oops.

You sometimes invite to vent, so here I am, because of the last two chapters mostly. My brain of an artist just couldn't shut up at Carlos. If you like his art and you know he struggles financially, just commission him, commission him, commiss- argh. Commission him like Michelangelo was commissioned to do Sistine Chapel or whatever. And then there's story of my friend, that I can't stop thinking of while reading this, who dated a sex worker, and despite of not that high income as the certain character here, was ready to provide for their partner, so they wouldn't have to sell their body (said partner did not want to give it up though, so they broke up). Like!!! Commission him for stupid high price and you have a good excuse to make his life easier and maybe being able to drop sex work for survival thing! Like I get it, after the whole 'I pay you for the OF stuff' part, paying might feel icky, Lando's pride could make him refuse (he did not have this problem selling his ass to the other guy in ch 1 though and here it's about his supposedly dream work...), but- you already wanted to buy finished painting, so... goddamit, I'm getting too invested and solution oriented, adhd things ig, sorry for yelling 😅

And then there's the racing part, that I'm probably thinking too much about as well. That is for the past chapters, you made Carlos be Ferrari driver anyway, but if it's fanfiction, why not let imagination wander a bit more? Before his team affilation was mentioned and only that he's reigning wdc, I hoped that maybe in this fantasy reality he remained with RB (Merc taking Max in 2015 or 2017, so he was never in RB, CS eventually becoming their main guy after beating DR when it mattered or whatever - there's also this rally driver!Carlos thing that I can't stop thinking about, but that's waaay off topic). Not that it matters, it's just that I can't imagine Ferrari doing things right even in fanfiction, lol. I'm trying not to get too much into how you imagined Carlos getting that concussion with all the HANS, roll hops and halos, because I guess it's my problem being overly attached to details in story that is basically porn with plot and feelings, so bit of drama is a must have, especially considering how amazing your writing for that part is. I hope you don't think I'm taking away anything from where you're going with the story, just some of my own thoughts and your works give me a lot of those, in a positive way.

Okay, I think I vented all I wanted? There are some older fics of yours that I probably should have written similiar wall of text about, but that's it for now 😅

Hi anon! First, thanks for writing out your thoughts - second, happy to touch on some of these:

I totally understand the want for Carlos to commission Lando's work, and I think Carlos actually shares your exact frustration - he has the means to provide for Lando, it would be so easy. But like you said, it's a transaction-based power dynamic that neither of them want in their romantic relationship. He offered by buying the painting, in a way, and Lando's hesitance told him all he needed to know about whether he wanted his financial help.

In regards to Carlos' team, I actually never said he was a Ferrari driver! I didn't name his team at all in this fic – I didn't think it was important to the story, and allows the fic to be kind of timeless in a way.

For the concussion, there are loads of ways to get concussed, from whiplash to flying debris - the Halo's just make it more likely to be just a concussion and not d*ath. As you said, though, i'ts fiction and we love a bit of drama ;)

I try and make things as realistic as possible in my fics, bc glaring plot holes drive me up the wall - so I feel ya. I should have the next chapter posted soon, I hope you're enjoying it!

[beevean]

N!Hector: Let’s go resurrect Dracula because I feel guilty for betraying him even though I barely had any connections to him and realized he was only using me just like everyone else.

N!Isaac: No because in my off screen character arc I came to the realization that Dracula deserves to rest to show how much I’ve grown as a character.

N!Hector: okay then should we try and stop his resurrection that’s already underway?

N!Isaac: Also no because then Dracula wouldn’t get a contrived happy ending that makes everything I say about him completely meaningless. Now shut up while I smile into the camera awkwardly and cease to be relevant in the story.

I mean how can you not think the writing in the show is a masterpiece?

the writing of all time <3 truly compelling characters <3

I still cannot believe that N!Isaac's character development was basically him stealing the real hector character arc realizing off screen "nah I kinda want to be productive, I'm tired of being a tool", which, fair, but N!Hector's supposed character development was... trying to resurrect Dracula? like the real isaac? What? To what pro? Why him? What does it bring? Didn't he realize that Dracula never gave a shit about him, like you said? Why can't he just gain agency for the sake of rebelling against the vampires who turned him into a pet?

everything was there, Hector even got a badass scene when he cut his own finger to free himself, but nooooooo let's have him protect his abuser, and nooooooo let's give isaac the moment of glory and the super epic speech at the end before they both peaced out of the story without any mention in the finale, they were both islands in the main story and the supposed protagonists never even knew about them.

Isaac's speech is one of those scenes that I can appreciate in a vacuum (because the voice acting is great, he is charismatic), but do I hate when he says that Hector had no agency so Isaac can't hate him. Yeah. Yeah, thanks for that. So you still think he's an idiot, a "simple creature" like you called him in S2. okay.

Also if I remember correctly Dracula didn't really came up post offscreen character development? So I don't know why Isaac suddenly decided "nah let him be". His journey was about Hector first, and about himself later. Ah, whatever.

and of course, that stupid final lore-breaking scene that literally breaks more than it fixes, yeah let's give dracula a happy ending and fuck ourselves over now that nocturne is on the way :D

[limi-pie]

About the fic YuTae 'Longing or love'

A/N: Hey guys, I thought I should update on you all on what happened to part 2 of the YuTae fic.

I'm sorry that I'm a gaesaekki (asshole/jerk). I know that I said in the reply/comment that part 2 would come out soon but I'M A LIAR, PROCRASTINATER AND I'M SORRY. My bestie has told me that I should at least update you guys on what is going on - so that I don't keep you guys waiting or expecting something for too long! But something as updating and telling my readers what's going on is such an obstacle for me, because I don't really use social media that much aside from scrolling Tik Tok. 💀 Tik Tok addiction is too big, ngl.

Well the number one reason is I just really haven't been in mood to write tbh, even though I'm horny 24/7 and this fic is spicy.

Like I'm just a lazy piece of shit (me) when it comes to reading and correcting my fucking fics, I just hate it and I don't know how to explain this, I've made it a toxic habit to only write fictions before I head to bed, so when I read or write at evening I get sleeply. and associate writing fics with bed time. 💀

Then when I end up writing it's always somehow between 2-4 AM and I re-read it in the morning it's like gibberish and shit 💀

Like my English isn't English-ing 💀

Why do I always create this fucking evil circle of creating and starting new fics and then never updating them or continuing them? 💀 I'm giving myself the biggest bombastic side-eye and I be eyerolling myself so hard🙄 whenever I come across the thought of never updating or continuing any of my fanfics *coughs* TTORW, *coughs* LAB.

I get easily frustrated, overwhelmed and stressed when certain things don't go my way. I'm sighing so hard as I'm writing this ramble of a note or update. Like once I touch the keyboard I can't fucking shut up.

Second reason for not updating is the fact that I'm fighting for my damn love life and I can't move on! 🙄 My stupid crush from work won't take the fucking hint that I'm fucking into him, that fucking bastard. 🙄 Like I like and love him so much but ain't no way am I going to tell him or convey my feelings to him like that. He really thinks that flirting with me privately at work and calling me by my nickname isn't going to let me know that he's totally into me. (I'm so delulu and I know that. But please shut up.🙄)

He's playing hard to get, then he gets easily jealous when I'm joking around with my male colleagues and he is always on his damn phone that asshole! 🙄 Do I really have to make the first move and tell him that I'm into him? No way! Imagine if I did end up confessing he would reject me because he doesn't feel the same or just sees me as a close coworker.

UGH. FUCK LOVE. HONESTLY I'M TIRED, I SHOULD STAY SINGLE AND NOT BOTHER MYSELF WITH THIS COMPLICATED LOVE LIFE. I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR THIS SHIT. Anyways this song is too real and relatable to how I'm feeling about my stupid crush right now.

내 눈앞의 너를 보면 (When I see you before my eyes) 한없이 작아지는 걸 (I feel so infinitely small) 심장이 멎을 것만 같아 (As if my heart could stop any minute) 난 참을 수 없어 (I can’t stand it anymore)

This is all your fault.

Sorry for my random rant about my love life. If I'm being brutally honest, I think the main reason for my delay and procrastination of writing or continuing fanfictions is the fact that I only write fanfictions when I genuinely want to and have the actual energy to do so.🤷‍♀️

When I do write it is extremely important that I'm having fun or enjoy the time I'm writing. I hate it when my hobbies suddenly or slowly turn into obligations or chores that I 'must' complete.🕴

After all, writing fanfictions is a hidden passion and hobby to me, I don't write to gain popularity or to build a fanbase, I just like the idea of fantasizing, writing feelings, making unsual or exciting plots and and creating fake scenarios within the Kpop fandom. I post what I think would be a fun or entertaining piece of work to read through. I don't write and post fanfics to gain clout or expect 5K notes on each fic. (Not that it is wrong if you write fanfictions for that reason, to each their own💗)

I also like the idea of making Y/N more diverse or unique, as someone who is of South East Asian descent, I like making Y/N Asian or mixed Asian. I love creating chaotic, funny or relatable Y/N moments to my fellow pocs or even non-pocs.

Lastly, I want to say a huge thank you for reading my fanfictions despite the fact that I don't update them. I want to thank you for scrolling/skipping through my fics just to read your favorite parts or certain lines, even if it's for the small parts that you enjoy in my fics.

I highly appreciate the fact that people even come across my fictions. Even if you don't end up reading through the whole thing, I am super thankful for you just taking a look at it or even saving it in your drafts. Thank you for the likes, comments and support for my fanfictions. Thank you for your patience and kindness.💞 

Sorry for rambling, anyways I had to explain myself for delaying my fic and I have probably repeated myself multiple times, sorry. As soon as I've posted this author's note, I will take a look at (Lol aka longing or love) and try to check what I'm missing and try to write on it. Sometimes you just run out of inspiration and that's okay too, but I hate keeping people waiting so I'll look and work on it little by by little.

– Author L. out ✌️