#why can’t cuntiness be $20

[funrob]

can’t wait til tabi splittoe shoes become mainstream i need that shit in h&m

[lewisvinga]

como no te voy a querer | jude bellingham x alonso! fem! reader

summary; when the princess of the paddock is dating the golden boy of real madrid but she happens to have a grid full of drivers who are very protective of her

fc; rita mota

warnings; cursing i think, suggestive comment

taglist; @namgification @louvrepool @locelscs @thehufflepuffavenger1 @minseok-smaus @goldenmclaren @ollieshifts @lavisenri @graciewrote @xoscar03 @c-losur3

note; saw fernando at the benrabeu at the semifinals and i had to…. BUT WE’RE GOING INTO THE UCL FINALLLL!!! A POR LA 15😭����🤍🤍 pls don’t mind the misspelt bernabéu in one of the tweets lollll

masterlist !

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liked by judebellingham, fernandoalo_official, and others !

yourusername: when in spain….

tagged; judebellingham

fernandoalo_official: siempre tan linda, mija😍 [always so pretty, my daughter]

yourusername: papáaaa🥹🥹

judebellingham: wowwwww

judebellingham: well aren’t you a lovely lady 🥴

yourusername: ur fine too i guess…🙄

yourusername: jk ur very fine 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

maxverstappen1: she’s a child.

yourusername: i’m 20????🤨

charles_leclerc: a child.

username: omg her sign for el clásico 😭what a queen tbh

username: y/n 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

username: jude can u fight? 🤔🤔

carlossainz55: pq estabas en españa sola??🤔 [why were you in spain alone]

yourusername: because i’m spanish and my bf lives here?🤔

fernandoalo_official: you’re with your boyfriend alone???

yourusername: no edu is always there 🙄

camavinga: 🤗🤗

judebellingham: edu😘😘

landonorris: and why are you flirting with someone else when u have a girlfriend ….

yourusername: oh like your bromance w carlos doesn’t exist !

username: nah the drivers comments are always so funny😭😭

yourusername: oh it’s torture, can’t even appreciate my sexy bf in peace 🙄

camavinga: OUR sexy bf😘

username: CAMA OH??😭

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liked by judebellingham, carmenmmundt, and others !

yourusername: i guess you could say i get my cuntiness from my dad xx

tagged; fernandoalo_official, georgerussell63, carmenmmundt, landonorris, judebellingham

location; miami 🌴

username: not her tagging jude on her lips 😭😭

username: me n who ong

fernandoalo_official: i’m cunty or whatever the hell it is you guys say

yourusername: tea 💅

username: THE CHEETAHHH PRINT😍

username: here before simp jude

judebellingham: wow.

judebellingham: just wow.

judebellingham: you are unbelievable 😍😍

yourusername: 💗💗💗💗

landonorris: STAND BACK 🤺🤺🤺

judebellingham: a lot of talking for a man who asked for my jersey🥱🥱🥱

yourusername: he got you there….

landonorris: okay fine… you win this time…

username: the alonsos are so cunty

username: PARTY NANDOOOO

username: i will never get over her n jude sawrry😖😫😖

maxverstappen1: well you better.

username: HUHHH???😀

charles_leclerc: stinky man around y/n, you’ll get over it

yourusername: you guys are sooooo…..

judebellingham: max is just mad abt el clásico score 😬😬

maxverstappen1: damn right.

carlossainz55: only time jude is tolerable 😁

yourusername: not very madridista of u carlos

judebellingham: yeah🙄🙄🙄

carlossainz55: y/n protector first sorry🫡

carmenmmundt: gorgeous gorgeous girl❤️❤️

yourusername: ily🥹

yourusername: also tell george to stop sending jude threats over instagram

georgerussell63: no.

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yourusername uploaded to their story !

[caption 1; going back home hungover 😬] [caption 2; morning 💗 judebellingham] [caption 3; date night fit 🤺] [caption 4; mi amor 🤍🤍 judebellingham]

judebellingham wow😍😍😍😍

judebellingham u single ??????

yourusername yeah:/// my bf has another bf:///

judebellingham HES MY BFF!!!!😖😖

yourusername cus why did cama see u in the showers almost naked after signing a new contract…..🤨🤨

judebellingham like you haven’t seen less🙄🙄

yourusername whyd u say that my dad saw and now’s he’s questioning me😭

yourusername he said why aren’t u preparing for the match 🙄

judebellingham ur dad is scary

judebellingham tell him the match is in 7 hours i still have chill time 🙄🙄

judebellingham DONT mention the rolling eyes emoji he is scary enough

yourusername fernando alonso??? scary??? a menace maybe,,,,🤣

yourusername good luck my love 💗 take it easy on the knee though!

judebellingham i’ll try, it’ll be a tough match:/

yourusername papa alonso said good luck too

judebellingham tell him i said tyvm😁😁😁

georgerussell63 why is he shirtless 🤨

yourusername you’re one to talk…

maxverstappen1 🤮🤮

yourusername ahhhh u madddddddd

yourusername la liga champion😛😛

maxverstappen1 i have 3 wdcs🙄🙄

yourusername and yet, real madrid won la liga!

maxverstappen1 tap in merchant 😒😒😒

yourusername ……

yourusername he scored a banger at el clasico i wouldn’t speak if i were u

maxverstappen1 😒😒😒😒

lewishamilton u should’ve been at the met 🙄

yourusername gf duties calls😞

charles_leclerc …..

charles_leclerc why is he around u naked🤔

yourusername bc he’s my bf????🤨

charles_leclerc why

yourusername bc i love him??

charles_leclerc but why

yourusername bye charles 🙄🙄🙄

charles_leclerc WHYYY

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liked by judebellingham, vinijr, and others !

yourusername: como no te voy a querer?🤍🤍 [how am i not going to love you?] congratulations on making it to the final, mi amor, te quiero mucho🤍🤍 [my love, i love you so much] and so so proud of you and the squad 🫶🫶

tagged; judebellingham, vinijr, lukamodric10

judebellingham: my lucky charm

judebellingham: i love you so much

judebellingham: te quiero 😍

yourusername: when he speaks spanish for you🥴🥴🥴

fernandoalo_official: so that’s why i can hear y/n giggling…

username: jude speaking in spanish for y/n, this is so sick

username: ME AND WHO��😩

username: thank u y/n for blessing us w jude 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

username: can’t believe joselu scored a brace 😭

username: we gonna get a bellingol soon #trust

carlossainz55: A POR LA 15😍😍 hala madrid🤍

yourusername: now u wanna act fine w jude 🙄

carlossainz55: WHO CARES WE’RE IN THE FINAL!!!

maxverstappen1: I CARE!!! heja bvb or however it goes!!🙄🙄

oscarpiastri: you gotta respect max for keeping up the hater act icl

judebellingham: he sure hates a lot for someone who lost his win streak

maxverstappen1: hey watch it…

carlossainz55: can we get back to the fact real madrid is in the ucl final???🤍🎉🎉

judebellingham: yes😁

vinijr: Y/NNNNNNN HALA MADRIDDDDDD

yourusername: HALA MADRID NUESTO MOTM !!! [our motm/man of the match]

fernandoalo_official: good game, jude👍

judebellingham: omg thank you so much, sir! it means a lot!😊

camavinga: who are you and what did you to do my jude

aurelientchm: that’s not jude…🤣

rodrygogoes: ‘😊’

yourusername: well, he’s MY jude and he’s just scared of my dad🙄🙄

charles_leclerc: good.

landonorris: good.

lewishamilton: good.

maxverstappen1: good.

georgerussell63: good.

alex_albon: good.

judebellingham: oh! 😀

yourusername: don’t mind them🙄

[glossykissies]

🌟Headcanons for readers if they were supes.🌟

Deer reader would have powers of suggestion through eye contact , mind control type stuff very cutesy and demure. + healing(like she could heal ppl and also herself or maybe just herself up to u) . This power would tire her out and she’d have wobbly spells like you’ve said before! with pope catching her omg that was cute. Very useful to the boys to have the girl with the enchanting eyes (literally) do reconnaissance for them. Had to work her up to it tho cuz she’s shy

Puppy reader would be invulnerable and super speed maybe? Both or one of them. I feel like it’s just so her with how active and adventurous she is. Much slower than A train but still VERY fast unfortunately she hasn’t got the hang of it yet so ends up burning her shoes and getting her socks on fire when stopping. Why the invulnerability comes in handy!

Kitty reader would be able to turn invisible very cunty very her. also teleportation into shadows cuz again how chic and black cat coded. But her clothes can’t turn invisible like the girl from fantastic 4 , actually most invisibility powers would like that. She’d be very useful on the boys missions and it could open up to situations between soldier boy , butcher , MM 🤭 reminder for myself to look up fics abt MM.

Bunny reader rlly stumped me omg but the best I could come up with is ability to control fire or liquify or soldify matter idk i think I need u and the council to weigh in with thoughts cuz I’m so lost ☹️ maybe the reason she was on the team u said earlier

you’re a genius i love thisssss !!!

deer having wobbly spells even in this universe yes !! the boys get so used to it that everytime she uses her power one of them are already behind her ready to catch her if need be <3 she’s the biggest sweetheart n theyd die for her !!!!

pup having super speed and accidentally setting her socks on fire whenever she runs on carpet without shoes !!! i love that idea sooo much, having that as a background scene and seeing m.m or frenchie chasing her around trying to put her out would be so funny !!

kitty is def an invisible girlie <3 if anyone ever yells at her and she’s not in the mood to yell back because she’s feeling sensitive she goes invisible so no one can see her cry :( i can also see her shape shifting into a cat form … she uses it to throw ppl off me thinks … kinda like a whole puss in boots vibe when she wanders up to whoever they’re tryna take down and gives them the 🥺 eyes and when they lean down to stroke her she attacks, clawing their eyes out !

hmm bun is difficult cos i can’t rlly see her being a supe originally !! much like the spoilt brat reader i see her being useful to them as she’s on the inside, a socialite, knows all the right people and has the key codes to any building from flirting with the right people … just all around useful ….. but if she’s gonna be a supe — she’s gonna be voughts favourite cash cow. a supe popstar, marketed towards teen - 20s girls, super cute aesthetic like sabrina carpenter. her power would be kinda like deers, she can compel people (think tvd style compelling) so they send her to conventions for self help where all she needs to do is bat her eyelashes, look someone in the eye and say “you will never smoke again” to heal them. homelander refers to her as ‘his little moneymaker’, but of course she gets tired of the constant sexualisation from the men in the seven >:( maybe she finally breaks….. going to her new friends for help…….

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Ok forgetting moment pt. 20 I left the note where I wrote this open and can’t rmr if I actually sent it or not so if I did please delete this LMAO

FRRR I also really enjoy the panel where he has a lot of dark shadows on his face and he’s telling nagi not to get cocky after he was like “am I really a genius?”

RIN you getting inspiration for Rin is actually kinda crazy LMAOO but omg kiyora??? Your blog is just side character paradise atp but wait I’m kinda curious what else is in line in your inbox (if it’s not a secret you’re trying to keep LOL)

Karasu Shidou new duo coming soon move over Otoya /j but they definitely match each others freak LMAOO I bet Karasu’s like “your freaky but also extraordinary so I can respect you” and shidous just “yahoo!! Karasu chan!!” LOL

Karasu IS dad material he’s just the man of all men >>>> he would totally just lift his kid up and stare at them like “damn this extraordinary kid is MINE???”

I CANT WAIT FOR KARASU ARGUING WITH THE REF LMAOOOO and the stripper king scene is too funny!! Im also very excited for the moment that Barou and Nagi accidentally head butt each other HAHAHA

No because that’s so real I used to be SOOO into jjk and now it’s just kinda…..I am glad that the rollercoaster of a really confusing story is coming to an end so the suffering can stop but oh my…really hoping gege decides to put a bit of effort in for the ending!!!

Also I saw the pictures from your other ask reply and OMGGG THEYRE GORGEOUS!!! Looks like it was sm fun too! Hope you’re feeling better now and that your doctor has a solution for your nausea symptoms!

- Karasu anon

LMAO okay so you did send this in HOWEVER tumblr didn’t notify me?? which is why i took so long to respond despite now being at home and back to my chronically online ways (albeit jet lagged and still suffering from a migraine but we up) so it’s all good that you resent it HAHAAH

that panel is so villainous but so good HDJFLSKS like he looks EVILLLL but in such a cunty way!! i love how they’ve been juxtaposing karasu and nagi as of late…not just in personality but even in looks/drawing style they’re truly such opposites that their panels together slap SO hard 😮‍💨 definitely not biased because those two are my favs nope not at all

NO THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING like if an idea for NAGI (my number one my baby the loml) can give me RIN inspiration it can truly happen to anyone 😬 imagine i try writing for karasu and then all of a sudden isagi is there?? like bro fuck off why are you wiggling your way into a plot that is NOT for you 😓 AND YES KIYORA I’M SO EXCITED tbh there’s lowkey no info abt kiyora even on the wiki so it’s time for me to take mad liberties with his character 😏 which i do love doing hehehe so i’m hype!! i’m so glad to be a safe space for side character enjoyers 🙏🏻 the more obscure the better…lowkey it’s so fun to write for characters like kiyora because i can truly write whatever and it’s so hard to make him ooc because what character does he even have to be in yk 😭 any “oocness” is just me giving him depth etc etc it may make the fic outdated once more comes out on him but me personally idc + i’m always spot on so 🥱 (mostly /j although in doing one of my current requests i realized that the reader calls kaiser a dog in the instrument and now it’s been revealed that his fav animals are stray dogs so maybe i’m onto smth fr 🫣)

LMAO no secrets here!! i have a note with my current requests so i’ll just paste that here 😄 they’re in chronological order of when the req was made but i fear i am NOT completing/posting them in that order 😟

[Secret gaming buddies — hiori

Prodigies — hiori

Singing reader — karasu

Karasu anon requests (any)

Classmates/friends to lovers — nagi

Karasu anon requests pt 2 (any)

Vague prompt — karasu or zantetsu

Cherry tree pt 2 — rin

The instrument pt 2 — kaiser (abt to post this one after i respond to some asks and take a post-riding lesson shower FJSKSK)

Vague prompt — kiyora]

vague prompt just means the person requested a character and literally nothing else HAHA but also yeah…as you can see karasu nation has been busy…although there are a couple of popular characters thrown in there!! i think once i post pt2 of the instrument i’ll probably get more reqs because atm i haven’t done a req since the last part of fwtkac and since that wasn’t answering an ask (since it was multiparts) lowkey people have probably forgotten i opened reqs back up again for bllk 😭 anyways hoping to get some more of these out of the way now that i have more free time and am not busily vacationing/writing karasu’s version of bfb (still cannot believe that’s the longest bllk fic i’ve written so far 😩)

HAHAAH EXACTLY like karasu acknowledges shidou’s freak but he’s undeniably talented/not mediocre so karasu has no choice but to be gang with him…meanwhile shidou is in it for the vibes + he thinks the bullshit karasu says abt erotic left legs and whatnot is super funny so they get along very well 😭 rip tabieita but i fear i am now a ryutabi TRUTHER 🤩 jkjk but no actually i’m going to make them besties at some point even if it’s just in a smau (although the otoya + shidou duo is also hilarious so dare i say trio?? and then yukimiya can get actually normal somewhat mature friends like reo and barou 😰)

THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING like bro is starstruck that he somehow managed to create something so perfect 🥹 honestly he already has parenting experience (dealing with pxg) i just know he’s prepared and ready for it

OMG YES literally any and all nagi + barou interactions i’m so excited because i miss them being together so much 😭 BEST bllk duo no question i cannot wait for them to be reunited post nel (because despite what the haters say nagi is NOT going anywhere and barou is eating it up atm so safe to say he’s staying)

i agree completely…i think it’s a mix of the pacing just not being enjoyable to me weekly + everyone dying + me getting busy with irl and then becoming super into bllk as soon as i had free time that just really made me so lukewarm!! i think it’s impressive what gege has managed to create and for sure what he does well he does EXCELLENTLY so i’m not here to hate as some people have been doing however i do think the writing is not always as good as it’s hyped up to be either (cough female characters cough) and there’s def spots that make me go “hm” 😔 i’m hoping the ending is satisfying and wraps up any loose ends but we’ll see…anyways leaks tn for jjk i think so ig we can get a pretty good idea of what’s going to happen based on the chapter!!

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL OVER THERE FR like sometimes i’d just stand there and be like “wow this feels like the set of a movie” it literally just didn’t even seem real at times 😭 probably going to call the doctor at some point this week and hopefully they offer good solutions because i’m still dizzy even lying in bed at home 😓

[boblzzysfreak]

The golden calf shits in Christ’s face daily now, when it has the strength to stand on his twisted legs. It shit in christs face at Madison square garden just like its hero alfolf hitter, but that shit dipped pig is no hitler. The trump pig can’t read. The trump pig is just like you. That is why you are following it to hell.

When your armed cunts come to my door, my sons and my husband and I will shoot back. We will shoot you anti American, lie, whore pigs in your cunt faces. We will use the guns we never would have had except that you godless pigs chanted gun at us for 20 years. You have made it clear that you will kill us but we will kill as many of you as we can. Your cunt pig promises his vengeance. I wish you pigs would do this one thing among your promises. Come shoot me cunt

You are going to shoot me and my sons and my elderly mother to death because <list of cunty grievances everyone has, but you and your special cunt princess friends are EXTRA mad, so antichrist cunt>>. WE WILL SHOOT BACK. Yes, you will kill us. Like you pigs kill everyone, while you cry and cry and cry and cry and cry.

I’ll write to you later.

Another great piece of writing. Please more you're entertaining us all here!!

[ah-woo-ga]

I was such an arsehole when I was younger.

The worst part is, I don’t know why. I bullied and was so horrid to the people who were the nicest. I messed with the people who were there for me, put em down, made em feel worthless.

All I want now, now I’m older and smarter and that version of me is almost 5 years dead. All I want now is to see those very same people, the ones who hate me for how I was then, even to this day.

I want to see them succeed. Succeed knowing I destroyed and changed them, for the worse.

I could apologise a million times, it’s never gonna be enough for my horrible, vile actions.

I just want to see Henna succeed. She deserved success and I destroyed part of her. I destroyed her kindness and compassion. Someone who was open, could talk about anything for hours, someone who actively cared about a lot of things.

I bullied and pushed and pretended until she gave up, and then when I started to realise after almost 3 years how much damage I was doing. It was too late, I’d destroyed not just our friendship but also our relationship, the relationships with those around me.

I craved control and power, and I tried anything to take it. I wanted to cause that damage. I wanted to see how far I could go knowing I could fix it at the time.

Turns out I couldn’t. Couldn’t fix it. Couldn’t change how I was acting and I got addicted to being angry and a wreck.

It’s only now I realise I hated my life, and those few good things I had, good friends, an amazing partner who really did love me.

I remember her trying to convince me to fly up to see her, how desperately, and how happily she would tell me “you could pay us back over time! I just want to see you.”

Imagine having someone willing to pay hundreds just to see you, to fly you across the world and see you because they really did love you.

I smoked weed heavily, and she’d worry. Ask me to stop, she’d say I need to quit because she genuinely worried what was happening in my head. To my health.

That’s someone who loves you.

But instead, here I am after waking up years later, still dreaming about my fuck ups years later.

It’s actually because of these events that I changed so much. I worked so hard to not be that person now. I was a dumb kid, 18-20. Literally a kid who knew better but it was like drugs, getting to lash out, getting to fuck my life up. Idk how to describe it, but it was genuinely so hard to just be nice.

I was addicted to this thought process that I’m constantly at war with people around me, I hated them for no reason because I believed they all hated me. I’d hate you as soon as I saw you.

I think somehow my brain just collapsed on itself one day. One day, randomly, I just started being a horrible person. I hated people forvtheir differences. For who they were, kind of for no reason.

Trans? I hate you. non-binary? I hated you more.

Gay? I’d bully you. Slightly Asian? I’d make racism jokes. Anything I’d turn into ammo to hurt you. Because, for some twisted reason, I found it funny to do that, as a joke to me.

But now? Now I work hard to put good back in the world. I hate hearing and seeing those same things I used to hurt others.

I refuse to talk down to others in any capacity. Not even as a joke because I don’t want to hurt anyone else like I hurt her.

I was a kid, I made mistakes, big huge crappy fuck ups. I was a kid. A kid who apparently was okay with hurting and destroying the few good relationships they had.

If I could turn back time, I’d fix everything. Change who I was and I’d have been kind. I’d have loved harder and been less of a jerk.

In my head, I destroyed that girl. That poor, amazing and kind girl got buried by a teenage me for fun and if I could I’d kill him for it.

So I did, I buried that bastard version of me and spent time making up for my Cuntiness because I wanted to respect that memory of the person I had, who I still care about.

I know full well I can’t take back what I did, so I am working towards what she wanted for me when she cared.

She wanted me to be kind. How do I know?

She asked me what happened to me when it started. I never gave her a straight answer when she asked why I was turning into that person.

So, I want to be like she wanted me to be: loving, kind, compassionate. Non-judgy and understanding and patient.

I truly believe right up until I cheated on her with her best friend, despite all my cuntiness. I believe she loved me still, even despite my horrible, disgusting, sick behaviour.

I believe she cared. She’d ask me to come see her, offer to pay when I was flat broke, she’d try and clean up my anxiety, which is partially what made me so messed up was that I was scared my whole life, and I didn’t want to be anymore. I thought making others scared, by being horrible was a fix. A fix for me, and it was for a time, but it destroyed me like a virus.

No, I shouldn’t blame my emotions. It was me, being weak and wanting to feel in control, I’ve never been more OUT of control in my life.

That’s why I spend my life now, every day, trying to love humans, others and myself healthily and with passion. Because nobody deserves to be treated like a dog like that.

She gave up so much to save me, tried so hard and I spat in henna’s face. So even to this day, years when I don’t think about it for months.

Every now and then I hope that she’s good, I think about who I am and what I did and I will never forget the horrors I put to that poor girl.

Apparently, me being this way is me being a pussy. No, I was extremely violent then, now I’m so anti-violence. I’m the opposite, now I just want to talk. Now, I just want to talk, apologise, express and figure out why I was the way I was because that behaviour didn’t just appear.

I was damaged, scared, in pain and weak both mentally and physically. I felt I had no place. I pushed that pain onto others who deserved only the best, like Henna and Stina.

People who cared and were there for me.

So this is for them, the people who tried when I wouldn’t.

I am genuinely thankful. I didn’t understand then, but I see now. I’m sorry it took years for me to become better, and fix myself. But I am infinitely better because of it.

It is unfair, I caused you both magnitudes of pain and upset. And now I get to be okay, so I hope you know that your sacrifice, even if you hate me, you gave me hope years after I threw it back at you.

A part of me wants you to know I might be a pussy if that’s what you want to call me, but you’d be proud.

You’d be so proud of me because although it’s too late to stop what I did and said to all of you. It was still those words and actions that I cast aside that pulled me back together, years later but still.

I truly hold love in my heart for you and all those I damaged along the way, you did not deserve the pain and hurt I gave you, and I would offer my apologies to you. But instead I offer the same words and help you offered to me:

I will always be here if you ever need me, even to shout at me for the pain and things that I did to you. I can’t make up for the pain I caused you, I can’t take it away. But I can make up for it, I can be there for you, I can stand beside you and tell you that despite how hard I tried to bring you down, hurt you, crush you into nothing. You have made me so proud, you have taught me so much from the past and I truly love you for saving me from myself.

I was an ignorant, horrid kid. this was my journey to becoming and understanding how to be better.

[adultswim2021]

Space Ghost Coast to Coast #85: “In Memory of Elizabeth Reed” | December 7, 2003 - 11:30 PM | S08E04

Happy 20th anniversary, Adult Swim. And, boy, what a momentous episode of Ghost do we have here to celebrate. There are a number of episodes where the guest is an event unto itself and this is truly one of them. Frequent punchline William Shatner is an absolute cunt... and a proper legend. His cuntiness and legendary status are two things that seem to be at odds with one another, and the Space Ghost crew have managed to come up with an artfully idiosyncratic episode to match Shatner’s weird-guy-ness. It’s a classic for sure, and important. But (making a “smug dipshit” face) is it funny?

YES! It’s FUNNY! I will admit though, the first time I saw this episode I didn’t quite know what to make of it. This is partially because I’m very much a Star Trek agnostic. I’ve never been into Star Trek. In the last few years I’ve watched most of the pre-Next Gen motion pictures for inane list-making reasons, and I enjoyed them to varying degrees, but Star Trek is truly not for me. I’m more of a... well, I’m not a Star Wars guy either. What’s the other one? Uh... Spaceballs. That’s it. I’m more of a Spaceballs guy.

But I feel like I’ve absorbed a lot of Star Trek lore through cultural osmosis. I vaguely understand that William Shatner has had some deliberately-paced choreographed fight scene on those rocks from Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. When I hear music similar to the the music that Jim Carrey hums in The Cable Guy, I’m pretty sure whatever it is I’m watching is doing a Star Trek thing. And yes, I’ve watched every single Red Letter Media “Mike and Rich talk about Star Trek for 4 hours” video. But even today, after having picked up more Star Trek knowledge on my journey to the grave, I still have this nagging feeling of “I only sort of get this”.

Still, this episode has a handful of screamingly funny lines, and the episode ends wonderfully, with Space Ghost in his death throes, suffering the ultimate indignity of dying in front of William Shatner. There’s also the part where Zorak asks why everyone in Star Trek is black, and a part where Moltar nervously reads from his fan fiction (from a book labeled TARD WARS, hahaha). Shatner, who has a reputation for being arrogant and difficult, is as good a sport as one could hope. The show makes good use of his hammier moments, and only shits on him slightly in the process. The most notable moment is when Shatner says to Zorak “didn't you and I fight to the death?” to which Zorak replies “That sounds pretty dumb, man”. I’ve actually quoted this line many times. It’s one of the best.

Also, for those of you who like to track these things: the show features callbacks to other episodes and shows; the handimen at Zorak’s apartment are clearly extras from Sealab 2020/2021, one of the Leprechauns from Aqua Teen Hunger Force shows up, and there’s a poignant callback to classic Space Ghost episode “Banjo”. 

The title motif of this season is naming the episodes after Allman Brothers songs, and I always wondered about this one. Maybe I’m reaching, and it’s probably too disrespectful to be true, but I always thought that it was somehow a veiled reference to Shatner’s wife, whom he supposedly killed or let die. It’s simply too dark to be true, but it’s the first thought that immediately jumped to my mind when I first heard the title of this episode. Am I stupid for thinking this? Am I stupid because it OBVIOUSLY is a reference to that?? I simply do not know. I would like to know.

MAIL BAG

The big anniversary is upon us. What are your 20 favorite things about adult swim for 20 years going. Don't sleep on this question!

I gotta do SOMETHING special, so I might as well do this. More thought could have gone into this, but I spent about an hour trying to come up with episodes or moments from 20 different shows and putting them in rough chronological order. I limited myself to one episode/scene/moment/joke/whatever per show so it’s not all Space Ghost jokes. So, here we go:

Sealab 2021: “I, Robot”. Adult Swim proved it could be brilliant right out of the gate with the stealth premiere of “I, Robot”, but for Sealab it’s all downhill from here. (2000)

Space Ghost Coast to Coast: Space Ghost stops in his tracks to reminisce about the time Bobcat Goldthwait said "crack a window". The entire episode “Kentucky Nightmare” is brilliant, but this moment in particular so uniquely captures my sense of humor that it’s inexplicable. The dumb look on Space Ghost’s face when he stops in his tracks. Goddamn. (2001)

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: “Mayhem of the Mooninites” I tried very hard to make this all be individual jokes or scenes or whatever, but this is another episode where the entire thing is just line after line and I can’t really pick. This, “I Robot”, and “Kentucky Nightmare” is like a perfect trio illustrating how good Adult Swim really was right out of the gate. (2001)

Home Movies: Jason casually reveals that his parents have no idea who Brendon and Melissa are and that he spends most of his free-time making movies with them. This is the episode “Storm Warning” which is overall one of the best episodes of Home Movies, but this scene is probably my favorite. Illustrates how simple and hilarious the comedy is on this show. (2002)

Tom Goes to the Mayor: the end scene in “Undercover”, where they’ve shoddily reversed Tom’s various unnecessary surgeries and called him “Taumpy Tears” to boot. Positively sublime. (2006)

Metalocalypse: Dr. Rockso’s music video. From the episode “Dethclown”. I was never in love with this show as much as the true fans were, but there were a handful of incredible episodes. This episode basically tells one joke over and over and it’s very funny. It really ends with a bang showcasing Dr. Rockso’s shitty music video that celebrates cocaine use. His singing voice is hilarious. (2006)

Assy McGee: I am the only person in the world that defends Assy McGee as being “actually pretty good” and it’s all entirely due to this one line: Assy McGee (a pair of naked buttocks with legs, whose ass functions as his head) is forced to attend a black tie event and is just milling around wearing nothing but a black bow tie. Through clenched anus he delivers the line “I can barely breathe in this penguin suit”. The whole show is worth it for that joke. I don’t even know what episode it is except that it’s from one of the first few. I might not even have the line exactly right. But, I remember laughing so hard. I may not have laughed at Assy McGee again. (2006)

Saul of the Mole Men: The opening theme song. And nothing else. (2007)

Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!: Jim and Derrick. I should pick something more user-friendly maybe, since this episode almost entirely relies on being familiar with Tim & Eric’s previous episodes. But goddamn, this episode is such a funny concept (which is basically Tim & Eric doing an alternate MTV-ified version of Awesome Show) (2008)

Moral Orel: “Numb”. When Moral Orel suddenly stopped being a quirky Adult Swim comedy and suddenly started doing episodes that resembled art films. This episode is a fucking masterpiece. I remember sobbing the first time I saw it. There are a few in season 3 that are like that, but this one is my favorite. (2008)

Check it Out! with Dr. Steve Brule: Terry Bruge-Hiplo reviews “Dumpster’s Children”. Another bit of comedy that I’d describe as “inexplicable” and “sublime”, and it all hinges on an old man’s mouth. Holy fuck. I don’t think I’ve laughed harder than this at a TV show since. (2010)

Delocated: The ending of “Mole”, an extended Face/Off riff where Jon goes undercover as the scary mobster Sergei. In the final moments of the episode he marries a woman, fathers multiple children with her, and only then is pulled out of the mission. The episode is a tour-de-force of comic acting by Steve Cirbus, who is graciously allowed to shine for most of the episode. But man, that ending is fucking wonderful. (2010)

Venture Bros.: The ending of “Operation P.R.O.M.” a flurry of emotions hit me when “Like a Friend” by Pulp starts playing. The scene is so well done and weirdly touching. Brock realizes that deep down he gives a shit about the Venture family and is genuinely terrified something might happen to them. And then he gets to slaughter a bunch of Zorak monsters, which is also weirdly sweet. It’s even touching on a meta-level knowing that Jackson and Doc tried many times and failed to include licensed music in the show. I love Venture Bros, but I think we’d all be better off if this were the series finale. Sorry. I had to say it. (2010)

The Heart She Holler: The first scene with Patton being taught the way of the world posthumously by his father on a VHS tape. The first season of this show is amazing, but that scene, especially where Patton does a little Japanese bow and says “oh, hot dog!” is just hysterical. Literally every time a hot dog comes up in conversation my wife and I quote it. Please, do not scorn her, it’s not racist when SHE does it. (2011)

Eagleheart: The All That Jazz inspired finale. “Paradise Rising” is mostly a masterpiece, and how it ends is so fucking incredible. Easily the most under-rated show on Adult Swim and I’m not just saying that because... you know (mimes dick-sucking) (2014)

Rick and Morty: I watched the first two episodes of Rick and Morty, thought it was good, but for some reason didn’t become a devotee until my wife made me watch the Mr. Poopybutthole episode. It’s still my favorite episode, I think. (2015)

Brett Gelman’s Dinner in America: The “Dinner with” specials are all really good, but goddamn, this one hits. Should be shown in schools. I am going to go to every grade school in my county with an AR-15 (to get past the guards, of course) and I won’t leave until they call an assembly and they let me fumble around trying to find it on vimeo and play it for the students. (2016)

The Eric Andre Show: Eric interviews Steve Schirripa. The bit where he has an intern dip his balls in Steve’s spaghetti sauce is hilarious, naturally, but I’m here to showcase the running gag where every time Steve complains how hot the studio is, Eric just wordlessly hands him an ice cube until Steve explodes. It’s one of the most childishly hilarious things I’ve ever seen. It’s perfect. (2016)

Million Dollar Extreme Presents: World Peace: The Pick-Up artist sketch. I’m mostly unimpressed with MDE, and all but a few Sam Hyde bits leave me cold. But this sketch is a crowning achievement. I mean, I think these guys suck politically and are more mean than funny, but their sensibilities yielded one really incredible piece of comedy. Okay, I laughed at the blackface sketch too. There. You dragged it out of me. (2016) Joe Pera Talks With You: This show is beautiful and I love every episode. But the episode “Joe Pera Reads You The Church Announcements” Wherein Joe discovers a new-to-him song and can’t stop listening to it, is one of the most joyous episodes of television I’ve ever seen. A gateway episode. I tell everyone to please watch this one first. (2018)

[mulderspice]

yknow in the beginning when i watched this show at the tender age of 16 i rly didn’t give a shit about william. like whatever yknow. but the more time i spend on here like......it rly rips my heart out and smashes it on the ground. like, there was no reason he had to be given up for adoption. literally zero. it would have been the best most fucking perfect happy ending for them. like after all those years to finally have a child and get to live that life they always wanted. there’s just no reason why that shouldn’t have happened. i can’t even express the emotions it makes me feel. to have mulder, this character who was so alone all his life, to give him a kid and then just have it ripped from his life without him having any say in it. i will NEVER ever forgive cc for making them give william up, it’s so cunty, and like it happened in episode 16 out of 20. they couldn’t keep him for four more fucking episodes till the series was over forever?? thats literally all he needed, 4 more episodes and he woulda been THEIR SON.....i need to go to sleep immediately before i lose my mind

this is my literal villain origin story. ask anyone in my life

[prorevenge]

Cruel Teacher Gets Yelled At By My Parents, Never Messes With Me Again

So, this happened back in my sophomore year of high school. Our school district is weird so we ended up having a separate freshman school then attending the “senior high school” for sophomore, junior, and senior year. That being said, it was basically my first year of high school all over again and I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect.

Queue Mrs. C (Cunt), an older Hispanic woman with the voice of fucking nightmares. I will NEVER forget how she sounded, ever. Very scratchy and ear-splitting high pitched voice that I hated. From the beginning of the year this woman had it out for not only me, but every single other student in our class. I didn’t mention that she was an art teacher. Hence, she thinks she’s important but she’s at the bottom of the food chain. Fourth period was when I came to her room, right before lunch, and she decided that she would make our lives infinitely harder by punishing us to not going to lunch for talking, slacking off, etc. Her threats were often empty, but pissed me off nonetheless.

The table I sat with had a group of people I became pretty close to in that class, and thus we were the loudest but we still finished our work. To sum up the things she said and did, most of the time she would call us out in class and say something like, “Get back to work or you’re staying for lunch,” or something generally like that. Then she would proceed to march up to us and get two inches from our faces, not even joking, and demand to know why we weren’t working.

Even if we were finished with our assignments and projects, she FORCED us to color pages or simply draw in our sketch book. She was one of those teachers that hated phones and would try to rip it out of your hands if she caught you looking at it for longer than 10 seconds. I wish I was kidding.

Mrs. C was the rudest, most disrespectful teacher I have ever known. She insisted that we be kind and sweet to her when she was the exact opposite to us. I know that there were many people who didn’t do their work, but when we had to make literal PowerPoint presentations and essays over every single project, I can understand why! Being one of the only white people in that class, she would always mutter things about me in Spanish so I couldn’t understand. It pissed me off. (My friends would translate). The hate grew as she continuously yelled in my face over the year, grabbed my earphones and yanked them painfully out of my ear, shamed me in front of my entire class for not knowing the answer to a question, repeatedly told me that she didn’t want me in the class, and even went so far as to STAND on our table (we had connected group tables) and rant about how she hated all of us and how she was, “tired with our shit.”

Then came the final blow.

The year before, my dad had suffered over twelve heart attacks and had nearly died. I was very upset after the incident, so my therapist passed a letter on to all of my teachers to notify them of the situation. Mrs. C was, surprisingly, nice. She didn’t yell at me and seemed to even...like me? It was very odd, to say the least, but once I got “better” and started acting more like myself then she went back to hating me.

Then came the week before everything. My mom suffers from borderline personality order and her family has a history of substance abuse. I was unaware that she was tripping on acid while me and my brother were at her house (my parents broke up before I was born, my five year old brother at the time is technically my half brother, different dad, but that’s a story for another day).

Anyway, while we were over I noticed how she became more and more manic and retreated to my room. She ended up falling on the kitchen floor and I had to clean up the blood from her head wound; my hands were drenched in it. I threw up, and she paid no mind. I cried myself to sleep and went to my dad’s the next day.

I told my therapist of the situation and she called my mom to ask if she was okay. The following weekend my mom called back and said she was scared of doing something bad. For the first time, my therapist went to a client’s house (aka my mom’s) with my mom’s dad and found her. She was high on mushrooms that our family friend had supplied and tried to kill herself. She was taken to a mental hospital and my family was told everything. My dad was heartbroken for her. I was heartbroken, too, to know the truth.

But this isn’t my sob story. This information is important because the Wednesday after this all happened (my mom had been taken to the hospital on a Friday) Mrs. C decided to be as cunty as she possibly could. I was already failing English due to my mental and emotional state plummeting, so was working on a paper in her class. I was literally reading a fucking book.

She marched over when I didn’t respond to my name being called and tore the book out of my hands. She asked me what I was doing and I told her, and she said, rhetorically, “Is this English?” Obviously not you stupid bitch. She only let me have the book when I told her I’d put the homework up and she walked away. I started reading again, because this was already a day late and this was the day it was due and cut-off time was by 4:20, no later.

She came back over and said, “Come outside with me, we’re calling your parents.” I obliged and trudged after her in front of the whole class, and she shut the door. The conversation began, and I’ll try to state it below as best I can remember.

Mrs C: Call your parents.

Me: They’re at work.

Mrs C: Do you know how HARD my life is dealing with all of you?

Me: ...

Mrs C: I ask you to work, and you don’t work. I ask you to put the homework away, and you don’t.

Me: I’m sorry, but my English homework is due today and if I don’t finish it then I’m going to fail the class.

Mrs C: Well you’re missing an assignment in my class, and you’re not in English. You’re taking up my time with this.

Me: Like I said, I’m going to fail english if I don’t get this turned in, which might mean I have to drop your class if I do.

Mrs C: The work is late because you didn’t do it. Who’s fault is that?

By this point I start crying because I haven’t let myself truly process the emotional turmoil that comes with knowing your mother is a suicidal drug addict.

Me: Things are really hard right now.

Mrs C, becoming colder even after I’m crying: I understand, but you need to get to work in this class. Why can’t you do your English at lunch?

Me: I’m leaving for a doctor’s appointment.

(Seeing my therapist):

Mrs C: Well then do it in the car. Why didn’t you do your English any earlier than today in my class?

Me: I worked on it first period but I couldn’t for chemistry and geometry. And like I said a lot is going on, my mom is in the hospital now..

Mrs C: You could bring your sketchbook when you visit her and draw.

My heart stopped. I was fucking FUMING. Not only does this dumb cunt have the nerve to tell me she “understands” my situation, but proceeds to state that I should be drawing while visiting my mother in the hospital? No one in their right mind would ever do this, and a teacher shouldn’t fucking expect an emotional student to either! She didn’t even sympathize with me at all! Agh....I’m getting angry just writing this.

I didn’t say anything until she was done berating me. I was sobbing at this point.

Me: Can I go to the bathroom now?

Mrs C, condescending: Oh, NOW you have to go to the bathroom.

I didn’t answer and swiftly walked to the bathroom, shut myself in a stall, and sobbed into my arms. It wasn’t that I was just angry, but thinking about my mom was tearing me apart.

It took me a few minutes to gather myself, but I eventually stopped crying and tried to let my eyes dry up so they wouldn’t be red. I didn’t want anyone to know I’d been having a panic attack over this stupid fat bitch. I came back into class and sat down. My friends asked if I was okay and I didn’t reply or I knew I would start crying again.

I went to my therapist and told her what happened. She was shocked and my dad told me to stand up for myself. She was an art teacher, not a professor at Harvard, and I shouldn’t give her the satisfaction of upsetting me. I realized he was right.

That weekend, I went to dinner with my mom and she was doing a lot better. I informed her of the situation and she was pissed. She told me to have Mrs C call her if anything like that ever happened again.

And then, the revenge.

I was actively ignoring her until the Tuesday after my dinner with my mom, or almost a week since our little outside conversation that ended in me sobbing in a bathroom stall. I’m not a weak pathetic bitch, I was going to stand my ground this time and not take shit.

The situation was something like this.

Me, not doing my work on purpose: ...

Mrs C: Get to work.

Me, not getting to work on purpose: ...

Mrs C: Outside, NOW.

I followed her, a plan forming in my mind already. Once the door closed she glared at me.

Mrs C: Do we really have to do this again?

Me: Please don’t make me call my parents, they already got mad when I told them what happened last time.

Mrs C, smug: Oh, I’m definitely calling them. Dial their phone number now.

Me, faking: Fine..

I did so, and dialed my mom’s. I watched this smug little cunt put my phone to her ear and wait as it rang.

Mom: Hello?

Mrs C: Yes hello, your daughter is disrupting my class and is ignoring me when I talk to her.

Mom: That’s what I told her to do.

Mrs C looked up at me, clearly confused.

Mrs C: I don’t understand.

Mom: She told me what you said to her last week and I’m not happy. Something along the lines of, doing her homework in the hospital while visiting her mom for a very short amount of time? Maybe your complete ignorance to her crying? No sympathy whatsoever? Your comment when she asked to go to the bathroom?

Mrs C, stumbling on her words: You daughter lied to you, I never said any of those things to her.

My jaw dropped in shock. What??

But it was fine, because my mom. went. OFF. I couldn’t hear all of what she said, but I know Mrs C walked off and talked to her away from me. My mom put her in her place and definitely told her something, not sure what but I’m guessing it was a threat. Mrs C walked back and gave me my phone, teary-eyed, and said nothing.

Her smug demeanor had completely changed, and from then on she hardly ever said a word to me if it wasn’t praising or congratulating me. I knew it was fake, but seeing her kiss my ass like that was fucking hilarious and life changing. It made the end of my year, and I never saw her again after sophomore year.

SHE RETIRED!

God, that still makes me giddy to this day to know that whatever my mom said was enough to make this cunt literally leave her job.. whatever it was, I appreciate it so much and I’m so glad I told my mom what happened. Without her, Mrs C surely would have continued bullying me and berating me for nothing. Not only did I save myself, but I saved my classmates because she became very passive after that.

Moral of the story: don’t make me hate you and don’t fuck with my mom. We make a scary team.

(source) story by (/u/painttted)

[detdicomney1980-blog]

I told her it sounded great but I had very limited staff and we had a bunch of things on the plate already and we wouldn be able to start on it for a couple months. She said okay, and I went back to my work. I emailed her with my notes and the estimated date at which her project would start.. Edit: the weather is shitty too. Just this past month we had weather in the low 60s one day, but literally 3 days later or some shit we had 30 F wind chill. The only positive thing with regards to weather is that we live right in top of a shit ton of salt so snow driving isn too bad, we just fucking cover the roads in salt. I agree with the Jojo comments, even though i haven watched it much. I seen clips here and there. From what i understand, talking to teachers and friends, a lot of it is similar to Moeller technique, with different mechanisms. We must fight and stay strong, earn simple raid rewards and amass large amounts 전라남도출장샵 of raid coins. Together, we will create an army of turtles and cactuars that will cloud the sky and create a darkness wait darkness is bad. Let just sell the coins so no darkness yay problem solved?. Social reinforcement in DTG rewarded people with karma for complaining. Then Star Wars Battlefront II happened and a righteous fury ramped up. During this, content creators, desperate for their pennies from Google, jumped on the bandwagon and started posting vids about how the game was dying and awful. When I post about how much I spent (I literally had to file bankruptcy because of my addiction) or how big my collection is, I in no way bragging, it a burden and I posting candidly about these amounts to 전라남도출장샵 remind myself why I don need anything else. I certainly not in competition with anyone. Yeah, my collection rivals that of a YouTuber, but it stressful, because the shelf life on makeup is finite and every time I have to toss a lipstick it like throwing $15 30 in the garbage. He started pushing her ass so i ran from my apartment and went between them escorting the crackheads wife down stairs. All along shes carrying their son and hes covered in tears and mucus. I lost my shit and went up to beat his ass. I shall never forget what I felt when I saw Matthew bringing in a GIRL. I wonder what became of the boy we would have got if there hadn't been a mistake. I wonder what HIS fate was.". He jumped on top of it, shoved his hand down its throat, and strangled it with its tongue. It was on national news at the time, but it was like 20 years ago or maybe even longer. So yeah, this is apparently a viable strat, maybe even the only one if it's clear you can't escape and you don't have anything you can use as a weapon.. It drama, sure, but it not particularly interesting.Maybe it will get more interesting if she keeps being that cunty girl who can back it up, as in this first episode where she bossed challenge one and I agree with people that she was robbed. But right now I find myself not getting mad at Gia which might be part of the fun of it or enjoying the drama of it, but just going "OK girl".The name Qatar is the name of the peninsula of Qatar. Qatar is a peninsula. Mary Ann cared more about being told she had nice legs than that the man saying it was raping her daughter. I also feel gross that Mary Ann then profited off her neglect by writing the book, but obviously Jan is okay with it, so idk. (I hope this doesn sound victim blamey, but I just really believe that these people cared more about their egos and reputations than their daughter.

[more4gemini]

9 10 12 13 16 20 24 25 28 30 35 37 40 41💖😍

oh goodness! Sorry in advance for the long post everyone!

9. Best Snatch Game Impersonation

My personal favorite is Alaska’s Mae West, but I also loved Dela’s Maggie Smith and Ginger’s Adele

10. Favorite Season 

Ugggh if I had to choose only one its s3 just because the looks are so good and the drama in untucked is epic too. I think its as close to a perfect season that Drag Race has ever had. (but s2 is also my fave because the draaaama was LEGENDARY and so authentic. I mean, some of them still hate each other 8 years later!)

12. Jujubee or Manila?

Definitely Jujubee. I love Manila’s drag and she’s very talented but I’ve always found her personality to be a bit too much for me. Jujubee is the OG shady bitch. I’ve never seen a queen throw shade quite as smoothly as she does. And not only is she hilarious, she is also stunning! One of my favourite queens.

13. Raven or Raja?

(I knew someone would ask me this lol) BOTH! I CAN’T CHOOSE BETWEEN MY LESBIAN AUNTS I’M SORRY!!!

16. Best Feud

Tyra vs. Tatianna was and is still iconic. You could just tell they hated each other and it was real shit, no acted out, scripted fights. I mean, its been 8 fucking years and these two are still feuding, when will your faves?

20. Favorite ‘villain’

Willam. He was a cocky little shit in s4 but damn was he hilarious! I loved how he managed to get under all the other queens’ skin and caused so much drama during untucked. A legend.

24. Favorite friendship

I mean…duh. Obviously Raja and Raven lol. We already know why because I never shut up about them so I won’t elaborate. But I also love Raven and Jujubee, the AAA girls, and Monique, Asia and Monet this season.

25. Favorite Top Three

At the time it was airing I probably would’ve said s2, but obviously now I don’t fucks with Tyra. So Probably s5. I loved Roxxxy and Alaska and since the show have come to appreciate Jinkx’s humor and her amazing singing and acting abilities. 

28. Least Favorite Queen

Tyra Sanchez (I don’t think I really need to explain why. Who scares people into thinking they’re gonna bomb a huge event like that??)

30. Meanest Queen

Outside the show, probably Tyra again. She just seems so aggressive and hateful. I know she gets alot of shit from “fans” of the show, but the way she responds to it is not cute. 

On the show, there have been quite a few “mean queens”. Raven, Raja, Delta, Willam, Detox (pretty much all the WeHo queens lol), Phi Phi, Roxxxy, Gia etc. were all pretty mean and bitchy during their respective seasons. Aside from Phi Phi, these were all my favorite queens tbh (what can I say I like the cunty queens ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

35. Favorite shocking moment

Probably Willam throwing up and being kicked off the show. I did not know it was coming at all so it was a huge shock when I watched. He served drama every second he was on that show.

37. Favorite Catchphrase by a contestant

I’m not usually a fan of “catchphrases” because I find a lot of queens try to force them to become a meme and its very off-putting. However, I still use Hieeee and Byieeeee to greet my friends all the time. Also Miss Vaaanjie

40. Least Favorite Season

Just regular seasons: s7. I just found there was too many mediocre acting challenges and even though we had some good look queens, they tended to all blur together for me with all the corsets and lingerie

All Stars: AS3. Most of the challenges were dumb. (The only good one was the Bitchelor) and that stupid jury twist at the end ruined the entire season even more imo.

41. Rolaskatox or The Heathers?

Rolaskatox. As much as I love Raja, the Heathers/Boogers thing did start to feel a little high school after a while. Plus I wasn’t a huge fan of the other members of the Heathers at the time. I really liked Alaska, Detox, and Roxy and definitely thought they were the most creative and sickening queens on s5.

[purplemoonfox]

I’m feeling really cunty because I had a bad day at work (I even got threatened!), so I’m going to expand on why certain kinds of ‘critique’ isn’t critique that would pass muster in a literary analysis setting at all, and why I was such a cunt as to specify angry teenagers vs. angry other groups of people.

There’s better posts floating about here about how half this site is just fundamentalist, conservative Protestant Christianity wearing a gay hat, but it boils down to this: lack of nuance (indeed, it doesn’t work with nuance) and an us vs them in-group/out-group dichotomy. Fandom, particularly the generation that grew up as fandom was becoming socially acceptable (the last 20 years or so), have grown up in an insular peer group of like-minded individuals, all of whom are its own support system handed legitimacy, not an out-group comprised of people who are doing an otherwise socially unacceptable thing, together (people older than 20 or so years.) I’ve seen people on here mutter unhappily about how they’re scared they’ll have to age out of fandom because the rhetoric they’re surrounded by tells them they can’t be in fandom over age 25, but they still love it, because you should be doing Adulty things by then...I assure you, you’ll need your stress outlets even more than you already do.

Anyway, literary analysis. It isn’t about calling things gross and making absolutist judgment calls and dying on that hill. I guarantee you, try that shit in anything more advanced than high school (they don’t get paid enough for this shit) and you’ll be that asshole sitting there crying about your failing grade and whining about your professor, when really it’s your own damn fault. (Side note: I ran into this a lot with any right wing people who found themselves in college, especially the veterans I’ve known, because their thought process also runs to the tune of making statements and judgment calls based off of preexisting notions when that’s not the point of the exercise. The point of the exercise is to demonstrate the ability to show your logical work in a kind of literary deconstruction of a presented piece the way a mathematical proof might, not to demonstrate how ‘good’ your ability to judge already is.)

There is a gap a mile wide between commentary that goes like this:

“X is gross and disgusting and you can’t do that. Because you’ve done this thing, you are not acceptable.”

And something like this:

“The appearance of X theme in this work suggests a strong bias towards Y in the author. I find their work repulsive and refuse to read any more of it.”

Hell, you don’t have to just suggest. You can make statements about an author or their work though that really only sticks in any really reliable sense when you have the background on a known author to say that they actually are, for instance, a white supremacist (the movie Birth of a Nation anyone?), but, this doesn’t work so well with the relative anonymity of the internet (and I think that lack of context encourages such kneejerk responses because you’re flinging shit at a blank wall and they can’t, in some cases would be better advised not to, fight back; I’ve seen other posts discussing the changing networks of how fandom itself operates, where it used to be much more of a communal thing and not a vast, anonymous audience like what Tumblr gives you). Passing judgement and moving on to action--bullying them off the internet--has stopped being an evaluation and become a response.

It will, however, stick much more readily, if you have a whole group of people who are otherwise completely isolated from any other known context but are sociated amongst each other. You can say damn near anything you like about a group of people about whom everybody else knows nothing but which trusts you, pass yourself off as an expert, and sound like you know what you’re talking about.

That’s where the whole...teenager thing comes in. Teenagers aren’t stupid, they’re not evil, they’re not even wrong all the time. 

What they are is unlearned, and that’s just something that comes with age and experience (not to say that older people are, as a hard and fast rule, always right all the time. Fuck that noise). Some kids are wise. Some adults die never having been wise.

That being said, most kids don’t get nuance for shit to start with, just because of how old they are, and environment counts too. Nuance is often dependent upon experience. They’ve got zero experience with conflicting (but equal) norms because they’ve been at home with mom and dad, who have one norm, or a part of their external group, in the way fandom is. It’s also probably not insignificant that there has been a rise in this kind of absolutist thinking on all sides after 9/11; if you were born in 2008, the first year of Obama’s Presidency, you’ll probably be 13 this year. All you’ve ever fucking seen on TV is a lot of polemic garbage and people making more and more extreme absolutist judgments about the other side, while being uncooperative and unwilling to compromise because compromise itself is seen as a betrayal of the faith. 

Add all that up, and you’ve got a scenario where people confuse ‘applying correct judgment’ for ‘critique.’ Fanfiction is important enough to critique. The legitimacy of the content of that critique is akin to asking oneself whether the National Enquirer or the New York Times is a more reliable source.

God, I’m tired of fandom and the weird need to both insist fanfiction is important and culturally relevant, but simultaneously assert it’s not important enough to critique the rampant racism/sexism/fetishization and myriad other issues.

It’s like... either it’s a valid art form and therefore criticism is necessary for growth, or it’s not. Pick a side and accept the consequences.

[chimericarchitect]

gallionicTrickster 2

-- gallionicTrickster [GT] began trolling talentedSalad [TS] at 20:24 --

[08:24] GT: limey

[08:24] TS: yeah, assfag?

[08:25] GT: your gay

[08:25] GT: that is all

[08:25] TS: FACT

[08:26] TS: For more facts, sign up at EATMYASS.GOV

[08:26] GT: ew hell no

[08:27] GT: your ass probobly tastes like limeade

[08:27] GT: mixed with ass

[08:27] TS: yeah. facts are gross.

[08:27] GT: and lowblood shit

[08:27] TS: pff

[08:27] TS: noice

[08:27] GT: noice as fuck broskey

[08:27] TS: Broskey

[08:27] TS: u ghey

[08:28] GT: not as ga as aV

[08:29] TS: Me too though. Champions of Ghey, aV and I. You could be too, if only you were GREEN

[08:29] GT: im basically green

[08:29] GT: with envy

[08:29] TS: or vomit

[08:30] GT: of how simple your retard lives are

[08:30] TS: yep. vom

[08:30] TS: compare your lowly self to my mighty form

[08:30] TS: and tremble

[08:30] GT: my nook wasnt ready

[08:30] GT: can you fuckin tuck that shit away

[08:31] TS: It is tucked away. That's just how MIGHTY it is.

[08:31] GT: yikes

[08:31] GT: can you not

[08:31] GT: i ordered an adult like an hour ago

[08:31] GT: my waiter sucks ass

[08:32] GT: probobly cause they are a limeblood

[08:32] TS: Here is your order, Sir. Sorry for the delay.

[08:32] TS: https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s640x640/sh0.08/e35/13561562_304011619936407_1506883607_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=MTI4OTAxOTEzMjUyMDIxNTM2Mw%3D%3D.2

[08:32] TS: Avocado toast with bluberries

[08:33] TS: special 4 u

[08:33] GT: wow

[08:33] GT: id say that was rom antic if i wasnt so disgusted by the thought of those colors mixing

[08:34] GT: which im not

[08:34] GT: your move gay boy

[08:34] TS: bustAsickMove.exe

[08:34] TS: ur move assfag

[08:35] GT: bustAnevenSickermove.exe

[08:35] TS: oh SHIT

[08:35] GT: my body is ready

[08:35] TS: MY HUSKTOP CANNOT HANDLE THE INTENSITY OF THIS SICK MOVE

[08:36] GT: thats cause lowblood get shit pc's

[08:36] TS: tru

[08:36] TS: bet yours is clogged with pics of lowblood BULGE tho

[08:36] GT: come to my hive and experience the granduer of being part of a tyranical oligarchy

[08:36] GT: so much lowblood bulge

[08:37] GT: all of it in fact

[08:37] TS: o hellllllll no blu boi

[08:37] TS: i just got my ass waxed

[08:37] TS: lowblood shit is wack

[08:38] GT: mad wack

[08:38] TS: MadWackingIt.jpeg

[08:39] GT: thats lewd

[08:39] GT: i aprove

[08:39] TS: yep

[08:39] TS: ok hang on

[08:39] TS: here's somethin youre gonna like

[08:44] TS: https://78.media.tumblr.com/da81750fe3cd3b5648328783b234a6fc/tumblr_owrmd6NmU21wcqdpto1_1280.png

[08:44] TS: On the house

[08:45] GT: looks like it tastes like cock

[08:45] GT: PEAcock

[08:45] GT: badum tis

[08:45] TS: holy shit

[08:45] TS: ImpressivePun.png

[08:45] GT: holy shit

[08:46] GT: EasilyImpressed.gif

[08:46] TS: like dis?

[08:46] TS: https://i.makeagif.com/media/10-26-2014/exoIzn.gif

[08:47] GT: yeah that basically what i think of everytime i say anything to any of you lowblood fags

[08:48] TS: snooty booty

[08:48] TS: that's ur name now assfag

[08:48] GT: pfffft

[08:48] GT: i aint even

[08:48] GT: you ever try talking to a clown

[08:48] TS: no?

[08:48] GT: those guys are high as fuck

[08:48] TS: how high?

[08:48] TS: AreYouMAdCuzUrShort.exe

[08:49] GT: yeah pretty much

[08:49] TS: Me too, buddy. Me too.

[08:49] GT: seadwellers are massice cunts

[08:49] GT: like

[08:49] GT: legit cunts

[08:50] GT: not like me

[08:50] GT: well

[08:50] GT: kinda like me

[08:50] GT: except like

[08:50] GT: 100 times more cunty

[08:50] TS: Maybe that's why they live in the water. Because they're wet and salty.

[08:50] GT: yeah like my nook

[08:50] TS: YIKES.png

[08:51] GT: im a degenerate

[08:51] GT: my house is a giant bucket

[08:51] GT: its still overflowing

[08:51] TS: oh lord jegus

[08:51] TS: is THAT why u wanted me to come over?

[08:51] GT: the drones get scared when they make the rounds

[08:51] GT: lol no

[08:52] GT: i wanted you to come see retards try to open a front door thats actually a wall

[08:52] GT: im watching it on camera 6 right now

[08:52] GT: they dumb as hell

[08:52] TS: Don't lie. You just want me to clean your shit.

[08:52] TS: I don't pick up corpses.

[08:53] GT: man i just fill buckets with blood and give it to the drones anyway

[08:53] GT: not like they can tell the difference

[08:53] GT: system broken

[08:53] GT: ezpz

[08:53] TS: TopKek.gif

[08:53] GT: RareTrollPepe.png

[08:54] TS: Mai Lawd an Saveyur

[08:54] GT: wtf are you even saying retard

[08:54] GT: nvm i decoded it

[08:55] GT: with my vaqstly superior intellect

[08:55] TS: it was almost too much for you, huh?

[08:55] GT: yeah

[08:55] GT: i hear thast alot

[08:55] TS: ^_^

[08:55] GT: your gay as shit

[08:55] TS: You bet your blue raspberry bootycheeks I am

[08:56] GT: sempai pls

[08:56] GT: calm down sempai im not ready yet

[08:56] TS: no

[08:57] TS: spred them lIKE BUTTER

[08:57] TS: on my AVOCADO TOAST

[08:57] GT: i must obey my lowblood superior

[08:57] GT: its the law

[08:58] TS: -chokes on ur massive ego-

[08:58] TS: -and mine-

[08:58] TS: -at the same time-

[08:58] GT: do you wanna touch egos bro?

[08:58] GT: its not gay if its in private

[08:59] TS: If that ain't the gayest shit I ever did hear

[08:59] TS: with my own two vibration catchers

[08:59] TS: then I have never heard a word

[09:00] GT: sounds about right

[09:00] TS: Sorry, I can't hear you. Is that gay or am I deaf?

[09:00] GT: both

[09:00] TS: DUN DUN

[09:00] TS: SuspenseReleased.gif

[09:01] GT: i hear cerulean bulge can cure that

[09:01] TS: holy fuck

[09:01] TS: You're back on your bullshit, I see

[09:01] GT: yeah pretty much

[09:01] TS: LonelyAssFag.jpeg

[09:01] GT: its EveryDayBro.exe

[09:01] TS: we should start a clan

[09:02] GT: yeah

[09:02] GT: call it lonely gay boys.com

[09:02] TS: Perfect. it will be for the most pathetic and lonely.

[09:02] GT: yeah

[09:02] GT: like me

[09:02] GT: i am top notch gaytard supreme

[09:03] GT: no one challenges my dryness

[09:03] TS: Get urself a seadweller. I hea they MoistBois.png

[09:03] GT: ew no

[09:03] GT: i hate seafood

[09:03] TS: fish filet

[09:04] GT: those guys are always up to something fishy

[09:04] GT: i dont trust it

[09:04] TS: you don't want the............

[09:04] TS: cod piece?

[09:04] GT: fuck

[09:04] GT: i cant compete

[09:04] GT: these memes are off the dankospectrum

[09:05] TS: Oh shit. My dankometer broke. How high on the dankospectrum AREwe??

[09:05] GT: danker than SmokeWeedEverday-d-Day.png

[09:06] GT: its gone past lime and jade

[09:06] GT: its like

[09:06] GT: fuschia levels of dank

[09:06] GT: unacceptable

[09:06] TS: Oh. My. LORDLY. COCKWRANGLER. I do NOT want to get locked up for this violation of dank safety regulations.

[09:07] TS: Put on your helmet, tardo and buckle your McFuckin belt

[09:07] GT: ok

[09:07] TS: TailspinInitiate.exe

[09:08] TS: CrashAndBurn.gif

[09:08] TS: HuffRubble.jpeg

[09:08] GT: ok

[09:08] TS: yo

[09:08] GT: ok

[09:08] TS: Yo

[09:08] GT: ok~

[09:08] TS: YO

[09:09] GT: yes dadi~

[09:09] TS: no

[09:09] GT: ok

[09:09] TS: YOOOOOO

[09:09] GT: fuck your easily amused

[09:10] TS: Or easily agitated. Hard to tell through a husktop, yeha?

[09:10] GT: how dare you

[09:10] GT: i feel threatended

[09:10] GT: dont speak to me or my lusus ever again

[09:11] GT: come over anytime ><3

[09:13] TS: hopy shiz

[09:14] TS: don't eat any corpses before dessert

[09:14] GT: yikes

[09:15] GT: i signed up for some bad times

[09:16] TS: yeah, maybe later.

[09:16] TS: gtg

@gallionictrickster

[artificialqueens]

See you in the morning (Vatya) - Polly

Authors note: This follows a promo that was posted here a little while ago. Prompt: Trixie visits Katya one early morning and finds Violet at the flat. The three end up eating breakfast together and Katya has to balance between his best friend and his fuck-buddy to whom he has accidentally caught feelings for. Trixie and Violet barely tolerate each other.

I wrote this from Trixie’s POV because I thought that would be interesting. So this is somewhat domestic Vatya and I wouldn’t call it Trixya jealousy but Trixie isn’t exactly Vatya’s biggest fan either. I hope this is somewhat what you had in mind, Anon. I’m using Katya/Trixie/Violet and she/her but they’re all out of drag. Feedback is always more than welcome! xx

See you in the morning

Trixie was ringing Katya’s doorbell, excited to share her new ideas with her. It took Katya unusually long to get to the door but then again, it was only 10 am in the morning so maybe she was still sleeping. When the door finally did open though it wasn’t Katya’s sight that Trixie was greeted with. Instead it was a half naked Violet Chachki, standing there in only shorts and messy hair, looking good even now, Trixie noticed frustrated. Violet looked at her confused for a second before sighing and looking behind her.

„Brian!“ she screamed and Trixie was even more confused. When did Violet and Katya start calling each other by their boy names? Let alone the fact that Violet was even here in the first place. Trixie was pretty sure that Violet did not have a gig here. So why was she in L.A., let alone in Katya’s apartment? Trixie obviously knew that they had fucked, it was pretty obvious to everyone that paid even the slightest bit of attention towards their interactions, and Trixie had definitely paid attention to Katya and Violet. Plus Katya bragged about having fucked Violet all the time. However, she thought that all that was were out of the moment hook ups after the adrenaline of a show together. But apparently not.

„You can sign for the mail.“ Katya voice sounded from where Trixie knew her kitchen was. Violet signing for Katya’s mail? What kind of domestic bullshit was that? Trixie was growing impatient, still standing in the open door with Violet who was looking at her with furrowed brows, blocking her way into Katya’s apartment with her body. Meanwhile Katya had apparently noticed that Violet had been gone too long for it to be the mail.

„Jason, what is taking… Oh.. Ehm.. Hi.“ Katya said when she spotted Trixie while making her way towards the door, wearing only a bathrobe and finding a halt next to Violet who finally moved so that Katya could stand next to her, her body leaning slightly into Katya’s.

„What are you doing here? What’s going on? Are you ok?“ Katya rambled while looking at Trixie slightly panicked, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. That made two of them, Trixie felt way out of her comfort zone too. Violet however looked downright pissed off which made Trixie feel a bit better. It’s not like she hated Violet or anything, she in fact very much respected her for her craft, it was just that her and Violet never have gotten along in the first place. To Trixie, Violet was still the bratty bitch she had always been and she had no idea what they would even talk about if they were to be alone in a room and forced to have a conversation. Katya had been equally annoyed with Violet in the beginning but ever since they had to do that stupid dancing challenge together, their dynamics had changed and Trixie found it rather frustrating that she couldn’t bitch about Violet to Katya as much anymore. Sure Katya would shade Violet but it was always followed with a massive compliment. She had been rather smitten with Violet, especially more recently. Occasionally even showing Trixie videos of Violet performing and having a stupid proud smile on her face. Trixie tried to gather her thoughts and answered Katya’s question.

„I came here because I have a few new ideas for my tour and I just thought I could bounce them off of you?“ Trixie explained „But I can come back later.. or tomorrow.“

„Or never.“ Violet muttered under her breath and Trixie almost made a cunty remark had it not been for her noticing how Katya’s hand squeezed Violet’s for only a second. Their behavior around each other was really throwing her off.

„Don’t be ridiculous, you’re here now and we have pancakes. Come on.“ Katya smiled at her before starting to walk towards the kitchen, Violet following her suit. Trixie was standing alone in Katya’s hall now and was debating wether or not she actually wanted to follow them. But it would’ve been even more ridiculous if she would leave now. So apparently she was going to eat pancakes with Katya and Violet fucking Chachki on a Wednesday morning. Pancakes. Katya never really cooked, let alone pancakes. So why the fuck was she doing this for Violet now? She entered the kitchen and almost wished that she would’ve just left. She rather would’ve walked in on them fucking than seeing this. Katya was standing in front of Violet holding one of her hands while the other one was stroking up and down her arm in a comforting way, them just softly looking into each other eyes while Katya was talking in a gentle voice to Violet. Trixie couldn’t quiet make out what Katya was saying but it seemed to have the desired effect because suddenly Violet was beaming at her and Katya was smiling back at her with a smile Trixie had never seen on her before. It wasn’t her usual manic grin or anything like that, instead it looked soft and warm and welcoming and Trixie wasn’t sure how she felt about it being directed at Violet. So she cleared her throat which caused both of them to look at her and for a second she caught Violet’s facial expression that hadn’t been changed towards a glare yet and was still the same she had looked at Katya with. Trixie almost let out breath of surprise when she caught it. Violet loved Katya, she was sure of it. In no way would Violet ever look at anyone like this if she didn’t care deeply for them. Katya cleared her throat too and let go off Violet.

„Come sit.“ She said to Trixie while gesturing towards the table that was set for two. Trixie sat down on one of the chairs that had a plate in front of it while Violet left the room. While Katya was starting to put a plate in front of the chair that was diagonally opposite Trixie’s, Violet came back into the room in a beige shirt and her hair pulled up in a bun and started to get cutlery and a mug to place next to the plate Katya had just set down. Trixie was confused, Violet knew where Katya kept all her things in her kitchen. Trixie didn’t know that about Katya’s place and she had been here multiple times before. Katya was sitting down opposite of Trixie looking at her with a expectant grin.

„Sooo? Tell me about your ideas? I can’t wait to hear them!“

So Trixie started taking about different jokes that she had planned and how they would fit into the whole concept and how she would look at the audience at certain points and how she would pause and what she would wear. Katya was laughing throughout the whole thing with flailing arms and that laughing scream of hers. While Trixie had been talking and laughing with Katya, Violet had finished making the pancakes and had poured coffee into all their mugs and had gotten different kinds of jams and other spreads onto the table before sitting down next to Katya and listening to Trixie too, even smiling slightly at some of the jokes, though it looked like she was trying hard not too. But Trixie didn’t come here for Violet’s reaction anyway, she came for Katya and Katya was reacting the exact way she had been hoping for. Trixie was more proud than she probably should’ve been, Violet could never make Katya laugh like that even if she tried. So Trixie kept on talking and talking about her new routine while Katya and Violet ate, well mostly Violet ate since Katya was too busy laughing. Trixie’s mood was slightly dampened however when after at least 20 minutes of this, Katya’s hand had found its way to Violet’s neck and was playing with a loose strand of hair there. She was still laughing and Violet was still eating and still pretending not to laugh and Trixie wasn’t sure if either of them realized the intimacy of their position.

Once Trixie had finished telling Katya all her ideas, all their coffee cups were empty and all the pancakes were gone and Trixie heard Violet scoff after she had finished. Katya just stared at Violet with raised eyebrows, both of them just looking into each others eyes for a moment until Violet let out a surrendering sigh.

„It doesn’t sound that bad.“ she said now with a facial expression that looked like it actually physically hurt her to compliment Trixie.

„Yeah, the idea reminded me off that one time when Katya and I had that show together in San Fransisco and we had so much fun, remember?“ Trixie was directing this more towards than Violet than Katya really.  She didn’t know why but she suddenly felt like she was competing with Violet for Katya’s attention.

„Oh yes!! That was so much fun! I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that much in one night. God that was awesome!“ Katya answered happily, oblivious to the tension between Violet and Trixie.

„How much fun exactly? More fun than Mexico?“ Violet asked Katya while looking at Trixie with a challenging look on her face. Katya was looking between Violet and Trixie now with a confused look on her face.

„I wouldn’t say that. It was very different kinds of fun.“ Katya said in a soothing voice, trying to calm both Trixie and Violet down. „Mexico was great in a lot of ways.“ Katya added with a wink towards Violet who just smiled back with a glint in her eye. Trixie knew that she shouldn’t keep pushing it, this was no battle she could win if the look on Katya’s face when glancing at Violet was any indicator.

„You should come to a couple tour stops, that would be so much fun!“ Trixie said almost expecting Violet to try to try to excel her.

But Violet looked at Katya who was looking back at her with a pleading look and Violet just sighed but didn’t say anything. Katya put her hand on top of Violet’s, squeezing it in gratitude. Katya was now looking excitedly back at Trixie and started talking about how awesome it would be if they would do some shows together and when and where and what routine would she even do. But Trixie could barely listen, zeroing in on Katya’s hand that stayed on top of Violet’s for the rest of breakfast. Were they a thing? Were they an actual couple? Trixie didn’t see that one coming and was trying to figure out how she felt about it. She had been slightly pissed off when first seeing them interact, almost jealous. But Katya did look very happy and the same could be said about Violet. And it’s not like she was secretly pining for Katya but it did feel weird to see her best friend that she had only ever known single and ready to mingle (and to fuck) all loved up and she felt strangely protective over Katya. There were a million questions running through Trixie’s mind that she wanted to ask Katya but she couldn’t exactly do that while Violet was still there. She noticed however that Violet had stopped glaring at her the second Katya had placed her hand on top of hers and was starting to be actually nice and turned out to be fucking good company.

Trixie was still thinking about how strange that whole situation had been from start to finish but she figured that if Katya was happy, so was she.

[break-the-frozenheart]

1-50 bitch

LMAO OKAY

1). motor boat Michelle visage or finger bang santino rice?

I’m worried I would be smothered my michelle’s tits so i’ll poke Santino’s chocolate starfish

2). have you ever masturbated to a queen? who?

Can’t say that I have, but I’m pretty sure Sasha Velour’s Cellophane lip sync gave me an orgasm

3). which queen would you let spit in your mouth?

Latrice 

4). who do you think has a bigger dick, sharon or detox?

Detox probably

5). jinkx/alaska sex tape or adore/bianca?

an adore/bianca tape would be both adorable and hilarious so them

6). which season 7 queen do you think would be the best in bed

Kennedy because I bet that bitch is kinky and flexible

7). who’s ass would you eat from season 4?

Dida Ritz 

8). drink willams puke or drink katya’s sweat?

Katya’s sweat without a doubt

9). which stereotypically “fishy” queen would you fuck in drag?

I would fuck the shit out of Farrah Moan

10). be adore delano’s toilet or courtney acts cum rag?

Country Act’s cum rag because I bet she has those soft little fairy nuts

11). get pissed on by Roxxxy andrews, or listen to Serena cha cha talk about theater school for seven hours straight?

I’d totally let Roxxxy piss on me if her pubes had a wig reveal

12). which judge would you murder to bring back an eliminated queen from any season, and who would the queen be?

Can it be a guest judge? Honestly I’d trade any of them for Trixie’s commentary

13). out of vicky vox and rhea litre, you have to let one on the show and you have to brutally beat the other one to death, who do you choose for what?

I love Vicky Vox too much to kill her

14). who’s panties would you sniff from season 3

Raja’s without a doubt

15). you have three cocktails, one is laced with bleach, the other two are fine. you cant tell them apart, you have to pick two queens you love to risk the lives of, and one queen you dislike to pray gets the bleach, who do you pick?

I hope that Mrs. Kasha Davis and Tempest survive and Derrick Barry fucking chokes

16). trixie mattel is running late for a show, you have the opportunity to kidnap her, get her to the show or kill her, what do you do?

Get her to the show wtf???

17). alaska and sharon are fighting to the death, sharon has fake metals on and is having a bad allergic reaction, and alaska has long fake nails on which are hard to do things with, who wins?

Prolly Alaska

18). who would you let shit on your chest, manila luzon or raven?

RAVEN

19). you get to a show by your fave queen! but another one of your fave queens wont let you through, you must kill them, which one of your faves do you kill, and who is the queen you are killing them for?

I would probably kill Sharon to get to Trixie Mattel

20). fuck, avoid, marry, kill: delta, manila, raja and carmen

Fuck Raja, marry Manila, avoid Delta, and kill Carmen

21). would you rather watch alyssa edwards slowly slather her back rolls in oil, or watch jinkx monsoon pick food out of her teeth?

I’d pay to watch alyssa later her back rolls

22). which one of your least fave queens would you hate fuck?

I’d hate fuck Phi Phi tbh

23). what’s a weird/fucked up drag race ship that you enjoy?

It’s not weird, but I fucking love shea and sasha

24). watch violet react to her sex tape or watch detox react to hers?

Violet

25). if you cut off your arm with a saw, you can re-pick every winner from each season, do you do it? who do you pick for each season?

Hell nah. I love all the winners so far (even tyra)

26). watch bianca fist courtney or watch willam top another queen?

WILLAM TOP

27). which queen could piss in your mouth and you’d be cool with it?

I’d let Sasha do anything to me

28). the word you associate with pandora boxx, the word you associate with chad Michaels and the name of your first pet. combine them, whats your new drag name?

cunty brilliant specks

29). marry mimi imfurst or a goat?

i could get more use out of the goat

30). get on drag race and go home first, or lick the sweat off jasmine masters forehead? 

go home first 

31). you find porn of your fave queen, are you really fucking happy or really fucking upset?

it depends on the queen honestly

32). punch rupaul in the face or accept his choices for season 7

punch rupaul without a doubt

33). become as good a dancer as Alaska, or become as good a comedian as alyssa edwards :/

I already dance as well as alaska so her i guess

34). smell ginger minj’s armpits or lick her left ass cheek?

ASS CHEEK ASS CHEEK

35). you can run into raja’s closet with a huge bag and take as many clothes as you want, but shes running after you with a knife, risk it and fight her off, or just go get clothes elsewhere?

I would raid her closet for shit and let her kill me. that’s my fantasy

36). would you cut off your nipples to become your fave queens best friend, or no?

TOTALLY

37). who is fishier, recent jade jolie or recent Michelle visage? (seriously it seems easy but think about it)

both

38). you can hack any queens twitter and start a lie about them, who’s the queen and what is the lie?

Jaymes didn’t go home first

39). you get 1 dick pick from a queen of your choice, who?

Bob

40). you find a time machine and it can take you back to any season of the race, you have the ability to help one queen that didn’t win, who do you help and how would you help them?

I wanna help Jaymes honestly and fix her damn paint and put her in a better shoe

41). worst song made by any drag queen (including queens that weren’t a contestant on the race)

Can Chris Crocker count? because him

42). are you a pro stalker? think of your favourite drag racer, can you name a friend they have that isn’t popular or a drag racer?

Well I know Trixie and Jaymes were friend before she got on DR, and I have a friend who does drag who knows a ton of queens

43). fuck, marry, avoid, kill: Alaska thunderfuck 5000, honey mahogany, nicole paige brooks and rebecca glasscock

Fuck rebecca, marry alaska, avoid honey, and kill npb

44) cure cancer or bring back katya?

Cure cancer for cynthia lee fontaine because katya does better than most winners

45). what queens from any season would you love to see lip sync for their life naked, and what song would they preform to?

I wanna see Bianca try to lip sync just because

46). erase everyones memory of lil pound cake so that no one remembers anything about lil pound cake, or erase everyones memory of ornacia?

I would sell lil poundcake to satan for one corn chip. Ornacia has better memes

47). get given head by your fave queen or eat pizza w/ them

why not both?

48).  who would you have an orgy with rolaskatox or the heathers

heathers

49). become pearl’s personal punching post, or punch pearl in the face

i’d punch pearl for sending trixie home

50). would you fuck someone in the old untucked lounge or the new untucked lounge?

old.

[artificialqueens]

I Was Happier With You Ch.3 (Trixya)- Doll Parts

A/N: Guysss omg. I told myself when I started this fic that I would be happy if it got 5 notes, and you guys have been breaking 20 and it’s awesome. Thank you guys so much for each and every one of you reading. I have a sideblog that I’ve been reblogging fics I read to if anyone wants to follow: tracysficblg.

This chapter is all about our favorite Barbie. We’re getting close to reconciliation!

And Andi is wonderful as always. Me and my wife are basically the reason she’s gotten into the RPDR fandom so she’s fresh. We’re working our way through the show slowly but we’re getting there. She hasn’t seen season 7 yet but still beta’s the fuck out of my stuff. She’s the real MVP.

Trixie looked at her phone for the first time in a week. Ignoring reality had gone far enough and she knew if she didn’t respond to her friends they were going to bust down her door.

27 Unread Messages

8 Missed Calls

3 Voicemails

Unsurprisingly enough, most of her notifications were from Kim. None of them were from Katya. She wasn’t surprised but it still stung. She started with her missed calls and voicemails. Two voicemails were from Kim and the other from Violet. Trixie got a sinking feeling and had a good idea what Violet’s said, so she started with the first of the two from Kim.

“Trixie will you please answer the phone. I know what you’re doing and you need to stop this. You’re going to have to talk to us eventually. Stop wallowing and talk to me. Of anyone you know you can talk to me.”

Pulling her phone away from her ear she clicked the next voicemail, her heart pounding. Kim knew her inside and out, enough to know Trixie wanted her space but cared enough to tell her to get out of her head. She should listen to Kim more.

“Trixie it’s Kim again. Starting to wonder if you’re dead or not. I hope you’re doing better now that it’s been a few days. If you’re still alive I would appreciate a call back.”

When the recording ended she hit call back. While the phone rang she walked to the living room and curled up into the corner of the couch. Two rings later the phone answered, muffled noise before Kim’s voice came through the speaker. “Well if it isn’t life in plastic herself. I see your not dead in a ditch.”

Trixie rolled her eyes and huffed.  “Id rather be dead in a ditch if we’re being honest. Do you want to talk about this on the phone or are you coming over?” She looked around the room and took in how messy she had let the place get into during her week of isolation. Deciding on where to start first, she stood up and moved into the kitchen to start cleaning.

“I think I’ll come over. I’m assuming you haven’t had any human contact in awhile so I will grace you with my presence.” Her and Trixie both giggled.

“Just get over here so I can tell you just how big of a fuck up I am.” There was the jingle of car keys through the speaker and a door shutting.

“Be there in about 20. See you soon.” Trixie said goodbye and set off throughout the place speed cleaning as much as she could. After a few minuets she remembered she had a message from Violet she still hadn’t listened to.

There was an angry huff at the beginning before Violets voice came through the speaker. “If you don’t fix this, Trixie Mattel, I swear I’m going to murder you. Fucking fix it.”

Katya was the reason her and Violet were friends. They had been mutual friends of other friends in their group. When her and Katya got together, Katya set them up on double dates with Violet and Pearl all the time. Getting to know the two of them on a more personal level had been great. Pearl and Trixie had been friends before all of them had paired off so she already knew her pretty well. She had enjoyed getting to know the other girl on a more personal level. Violet was a lot nicer than she let on, Trixie had figured out after a few date nights, she kept up a front to establish dominance over her life.

She hoped Violet wasn’t mad at her enough for their friendship to suffer. She really liked the other girl and didn’t want her messy breakup to effect her friendships. Problem was most of her friends were also Katya’s friends. They were bound to see each other at some point. Maybe she should talk to Katya soon and fix things.  

There was a knock on her door that pulled her out of her thoughts. When she opened the door, Kim was waiting with a big pan of dirt cake in her arms. Trixie burst into laughter and pulled Kim into a hug, trying not to smush the pan between them.

“I’m so glad you love food because I need this.” She scooped the pan out of her friends arms and moved it to the kitchen.

“If you don’t answer your phone for at least half a week and I finally get invited over you best believe we’re going to be here long enough to need food.”

Trixie turned around and pulled Kim into a real hug. They stayed like that until Trixie’s shoulders started to sag and Kim could hear tiny sniffles coming from the other girl.

“I lost her Kim.” Her voice was watery and Kim knew she was crying at this point. “I lost her and it’s all my fault. Trixie’s shoulders shook and Kim pulled her closer as the other broke down in her arms.

They stood there for awhile, Kim rubbing circles into Trixie’s back. When the crying started to lessen Kim walked her over to the couch before going into the kitchen and fixing them both a plate of the cake she had brought. She heard Trixie give a small chuckle. Kim believed food could fix just about anything. Mostly the talking that happened over the food, but she wasn’t going to give her secret away.

“I’m not sure this is a problem food can fix this time.” Kim looked over her shoulder with a smirk.

“You underestimate my powers.” She licked the cake that was stuck to her spoon before bringing both of their plates back to the couch. She passed Trixie her plate and turned to face her, crossing her legs underneath her,

“Ok give me the T, cause I don’t really know whats going on to help fix it.”

Trixie shoved a huge bite of cake in her mouth, the small smile she made covered in whipped cream and cake crumbs. She loved Kim and was thankful she brought one of her favorite treats to cheer her up. Once she finished chewing and cleared her throat she began to explain exactly what had happened. Her freaking out about falling in love with Katya too soon, thinking she could play it cool by going back to friends, how Katya had reacted, and how once everything was said and done she finally realized exactly how stupid she had been.

“Is this why I can’t keep a girlfriend? I fall too fast?”

Kim sat there silent for a moment. Thinking over everything the other girl had told her. Finally she moved both of their empty plates and scooted closer to Trixie, placing her hand on her knee.

“I won’t lie, I think you handled the situation awfully. You have a problem with talking about you’re real feelings and end up dancing around them. This wasn’t the time to lie about how you feel. Judging by how you said Katya reacted, it sounds like she has the same feelings as you.”

Trixie was looking at her lap and chewing on her bottom lip. Kim gave her knee a light squeeze, getting her to look up at her.

“Also, your ex’s were kind of cunty so lets not compare them to Katya and the matter at hand.” Trixie’s nose wrinked at the statement before shrugging her shoulders and nodding in agreement.

“So I should definitely talk to Katya.”

“Duh. You need to be straight with her.”

Trixie burst into laughter, one of her screams making Kim slap her knee.

“You know what I mean! Go be lesbians with her. Just talk to her. Really talk to her, not throw your walls up and spew some shit about ‘Let’s be friends’. What were you thinking Trixie?”

Trixie’s face fell again, the joy from the innuendo gone.

“I don’t know now that I think about it. It seemed like a rational idea to begin with. I just don’t want to loose her, you know? And here I am, lost without her.” She looked around the room, not wanting to meet Kim’s eyes. “I really love her. I saw the rest of my life with her.” She turned back to Kim. “It’s fucking scary.” Kim nodded.

“It is, but what if Katya saw the rest of her life with you as well?” They sat there in silence while Trixie processed everything that had been said and the best plan of action.

“I’m gonna call her, ok?” Kim nodded and Trixie went into her bedroom and closed the door. Her finger hovered above Katya’s name. She took a deep breath and pressed call. She held her breath the first two rings, by the third though she knew Katya wasn’t going to answer. The third ring went by and the call went to voicemail. Taking a deep breath she decided to leave a message.

“Hey Katya, it’s Trixie. You probably know that already. Hey, uh, I just wanted to see if you would talk to me. I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to but I need to talk to you. Explain myself and apologize. I was a complete bitch and I don’t blame you if you never want to see me again. But please let me talk to you one last time. If you decide after that to never talk to me again it’s fine. I need to tell you-”

The phone beeped letting her know she had used up all the time to leave a message. She sighed and put her phone down on the bed and went back out to the living room. Kim was eating another plate of cake and watching youtube, trying to give Trixie privacy and not listen to the call.

“Well?”

“It went to voicemail. I’m not surprised. If I was her I wouldn’t want to talk to me either.”

“Give her some time. Do you want to go out? You’ve been in here for god knows how long. Don’t you have cabin fever?” Trixie laughed and shook her head.

“I’d rather stay in and watch trash tv and cuddle to be honest. Want to stay the night?”

So they stayed in, ordering takeout and switching between multiple reality shows before they abandoned the tv completely. They curled up in Trixie’s bed, Kim resting her head on Trixie’s leg while Trixie strummed nonsense on her guitar and Kim caught up on her beauty blogs she followed on youtube.

“Hey Kim?” Trixie stopped the strings with her hand softly and Kim rolled over to face her.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. For everything. I’m glad I have you to call me out on my shit.” Kim brought her had up to frame her face under her chin.

“Of course. You know I’ll clock you in a heartbeat.” Trixie shoved her shoulder and rolled over to put her guitar on its stand next to the bed.

“Hate you.”

“Aww Trixie, you know you love me!”