#why can’t I just like something for a sustained period??????

[dilutedapplejuice]

Do you ever just lose a hyperfixation that you loved so passionately? It takes you to another world and you dedicate yourself to it and for once it is effortless, energizing even. But then one morning you try it again and it just feels dull and you know it’s leaving like any other interest. The meaning you found in it has gone like a word you repeated one too many times. Just another thing to throw in the used pile. No matter how hard you try to love it again you will never be the same way. It’s so sad.

[pincushionx]

Blood warning!

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I see lots of fanfics that talk about the Grimwalker stories and myths as Grimwalkers being these predators that hunt witches and are these monster that feed off of flesh, but all of these are usually false and like I said just myths.

So what if that wasn’t the case? What if Grimwalkers were the flesh craving beasts everyone thinks they are. Aka me giving Hunter the Tokyo Ghoul treatment (kinda)

This image takes place during Thanks to Them, he’s hunting and consuming animals to sustain himself but they can only do so much. He keeps it a secret because he’s ashamed, scared and full of self loathing. Unfortunately you can only sneak out and wash your clothes so frequently until you get caught.

…

The craving flesh started around the time Hunter started hitting his second stage of puberty, so around 12 to 13 years old. It started off as spouts of aggression, weight loss and odd carvings that he suppressed until he eventually snapped and attacked a scout. Once he consumed flesh, there was no going back.

This happened with a few Grimwalkers, typically one made around pubescent years due to this being a natural development. Grimwalkers who are made as adults don’t get this since get miss that developmental period. A reason why Belos made Grimwalkers strictly adults for hundreds of years before trying out a new experiment.

When Belos made Hunter, he was aware of this and rather than kill Hunter off or just make an adult Grimwalker, he decided he can benefit from a “monster” needing a source of food.

Hence, Hunter picking up a reputation for being “feral.” Belos supplies Hunter with blood and flesh but not enough to satisfy him, just the minimum to keep him alive. This is to keep Hunter at a state where he’s willing to do more work to earn more food but unfortunately this just results in cases of Hunter going “too far” aka mauling different beings (witches, beasts, demons, ect) during missions on the accounts he’s literally starving and being triggered in fights.

He can eat normal food but his sense of taste is bit dull and doesn’t give him the nutrition he needs. He can eat and eat and it will do nothing. He learns to satisfy himself through eating animals he hunts during missions. When he gets to the human realm he eats his food with an overwhelming amount of seasoning just to taste it.

He also has a very strong jaw and sharp teeth, like hyena type stuff.

(Imagine a scenario he pauses a mission mid way to go hunt some voles and eat them raw and the scouts just standing there like-)

After Hollow mind Hunter struggles because now he’s has little source of witch or demon flesh (he raids the healing classes for blood and kitchen for uncooked meat)

So during thanks to them he’s forced to live with three witches, a basilisk, two humans who are somewhat similar to witches and oh boy he struggles. His friends are concerned. Camila notices Hunter eats a lot but still looks like he isn’t gaining weight, Gus notices that he sneaks out, Vee smells something wrong with him, Luz sees how on edge he is, Amity catches on to his burst of aggression (caused by hunger and stress) and Willow notices he avoids them.

They all already knows something is off with him (heightened senses, unusual teeth and jaw strength, glowing eyes, unusually tight and powerful muscles despite how gaunt he is) but only Luz knows he’s a grimwalker but hasn’t quite put the peices that’s he’s a unnatural, natural predator to witches and demons. The witches, Vee and even the humans feel a slight primal fear around Hunter but they can’t quite put the reason why, he puts them on edge even if they love him but something’s off.

Despite the fact that all of them are willing to give him blood, even some flesh if they could, the boy just refuses, since he sees himself as a literal monster that needs to be locked up.

This is me giving Hunter Grimwalker trauma x100. Anywho this is my late Halloween post aka my billionth AU idea. This was inspired by Tokyo Ghoul, Ginger snaps(2000) and the fic [redacted] Hunter by ApaMonkey on ao3! Yall should read it!

I have a weakness for flesh craving characters who aren’t villains but they aren’t so common so of course I had to project that love to my own skrunkly!

[the-bi-space-ace]

Writing Echo & the effects of Skako Minor

Discussions of trauma, CPTSD, and PTSD.

This will be a lot of personal opinion so take it with a grain of salt but I wanted to touch on writing Echo as someone who has CPTSD. Personally, I think after what he experienced on Skako Minor Echo would have CPTSD. The very basic thing you need to know is that PTSD and CPTSD are two different things. Symptoms overlap, they often get lumped together, but there are differences. From what I have learned from therapy and doctors PTSD happens from a single traumatizing event. Something happened, an accident, violence, etc. and it has stuck with you. CPTSD occurs when someone has multiple traumatizing events throughout their life that all compound. So if you grew up in an abusive household, experienced outside violence, and had several life altering events, that would be the perfect breeding ground for CPTSD. It is not one event. CPTSD comes from the fact that it is multiple things on top of each other, all working together to make your PTSD complex in nature since it comes from a web of things instead of one event.

After Skako I think Echo would suffer from CPTSD mainly because he has experienced several traumatizing events over and over again. The explosion, being tortured, being experimented on over and over again, and finding out he has been used as a weapon, along with his injuries sustained in the battle of Anaxes all compile together. This is what I base this off of.

With that in mind I wanted to talk a little bit about some symptoms and how this could translate to Echo as a character.

One can experience shaking (imagine Crosshair early season 3), paranoia, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping. I have seen Echo portrayed often with nightmares, which I think is a great route to go, however I want to offer up other ways you can show his difficulty living with CPTSD. Physical symptoms are one thing and definitely make life more difficult but what about the mental ones?

One challenge can be constantly feeling like the other shoe is going to drop. There can be waves of feeling okay and stable and then other periods of constant vigilance and anxiety. When things are good you could think ‘how much longer until it is all gone? How long do I deserve safety and happiness?’ These fears are often completely unrealistic but your brain cannot determine that in the moment.

I think Echo could struggle with this. I want to imagine that this is part (not all) of the reason he wants to badly to do more and part of why he does not really want to retire. He doesn’t understand safety anymore. He’s still more comfortable in chaos and vigilance. Safety would likely feel unsafe to him. At least, for a while. Truthfully, survivors guilt and his own loyalty and personality are all wrapped up in there too but imagine if there was another layer.

What if he is clinging so desperately to helping because tomorrow he could be swept away again. Or he won’t be able to save anyone. Or somehow Tambor will catch up with him. Or maybe, just maybe, he becomes the algorithm again. He snaps right back into it mid mission. He’s taken over and can’t be saved. He attacks his loved ones. He can’t help it. He could hurt them. What if he hurts them! Safety may frighten him so deeply he can’t even begin to think about it. His brain won’t let him. It won’t let him cling to that thought because it can’t be real it will be danger. It has to be.

It doesn’t have to be rational because CPTSD is not rational. Your brain and body are trying to protect you. It has learned that you are in danger and it is not comfortable with safety anymore. It will protect you even if you are perfectly safe. Even if that means telling you lies.

And none of this makes him weak. He’s confident in his skills, he’s a force to be reckoned with. He’s lethal and loyal and kind hearted and not at all weak. His strength and compassion are things to look up to. I love Echo. He’s dedicated to saving his loved ones, he’s been through so much, and he has never ever given up despite the challenges. I think he is wonderful and such a rich character for storytelling. It certainly isn’t necessary to include this when writing Echo but if you’re looking for other ways for his trauma to manifest this may be an interesting route to explore.

have the best gif of Echo ever as a treat for reading this far

[stoutguts]

My own personal Hybrid AU??? (Also, Omegaverse). Chock full of my own personal headcanons and ideas. Unorganized/kind of rambling, really just trying to put all my thoughts to paper.

PART 3

(wish I could include everything I wrote in one post, but I yapped too much—)

Ghost is quite aggressive and brooding, the recruits fear it, find it scary or unapproachable. The deadliest and most dangerous man in the entire SAS,—no doubt. Downright cynical and impulsive, at worst. This inherent hostility and him always being on guard, this suspiciousness and unease around strangers, was not only born from his traumatic past and childhood,—but inherited from the inner mechanisms of his father’s wild nature,—he’s part wolf after all. Despite that though, the Great Pyrenees in them is just as strong,—(something of their mother’s gentle spirit lives on in them),—affectionate. A total softie, and open-minded. Amicable even, at best. Caring,—to those it trusts with all the broken and mangled pieces of its heart that is. His temperament is truly something special. Truly the definition of hot and cold. 50% wolf, 50% Great Pyrenees, an even 50/50 split between their genes,—according to a DNA test. Unforeseeable, that’s why they’re called “Ghost” (apart from their ghost-like appearance). The 1-4-1 likens it’s personality to that of a cat more than a dog. Although, he excels at just about anything and everything. It can go loud and cause a real ruckus of gunfire and bloodshed, or it can be as quiet as a mouse and strike its unsuspecting prey like a snake. Whether it’s a more “laidback” kind of mission, or he’s fighting for his life, it doesn’t matter,—his sheer adaptability and resolve for survival is enough to bring him out the other side somehow. Its specialities are simultaneously stealth missions and guerrilla warfare. Also, fantastic with knives and is a phenomenal sniper (having unusually good/superb eyesight, which makes for almost perfect aim). Probably the most efficient at getting the job done in the entirety of the 1-4-1,—a damn machine. A grim reaper of sorts. Though somehow he isn’t entirely monstrous. Unfortunately though, their feral side likes to come out more often than not, especially in one particular form.—They become just about unbearable to be around when they get their period, or when their heat comes (as they refuse to take suppressants because it “makes them feel weird”, and that it fucks with their already fucked up hormones). Snapping at every little thing and at everyone,—it becomes essentially impossible to work with it. Not to mention, his mood and temper sometimes gets to be so bad,—that it tends to affect how he performs at his job. If it weren’t (or if it isn’t) for Johnny taking care of them and helping to soothe their nerves, or fucking them colorblind and breeding them until they can’t walk,—they’d probably end up discharged for such insubordination. Leave is practically always mandatory. The worst part is that since Simon sustained an injury to his mating gland, his heat cycles are unpredictable and often random. It’s periods are also a bitch and a half. Though still both are nothing that Johnny can’t handle. Also on the bright side, periods for them are very rare and infrequent, as they regularly take testosterone. Like Soap, Ghost has some extra, pent up energy from time to time, due to the livestock guardian dog in him. Though it’s much more manageable, and not nearly as bad. They’ll sometimes join Johnny in his little escapades around base, racing him in their doggy form. It’ll always gladly join him in working out, and to help to herd their cattle that they’ve got back home. Incredibly protective and loyal as well, as all dogs with herding blood in them are. It also has a very strong hunting instinct, and prefers to catch and eat it’s prey rather than waiting in line at the butcher. They’ll go after and stalk deer or rabbits hiding out in the woodland surrounding their farm. It also has accidentally killed or injured some of it and Soap’s livestock in the past, as it loses control of it’s instincts from time to time. If there is one thing Johnny doesn’t like about his partner, it’s that. He’s always pissed naturally when this happens, because he’s a tried a true herding dog.

Whenever an incident like this happens, he feels like he’s failed at his job, which is to protect their cattle. Simon feeling extremely guilty, and more than happy to repent (in perhaps a kinky way). Despite being an omega, he definitely rivals Soap in terms of strength, and in terms of size,—he’s built like a damn truck. His canine form is huge (bigger than Johnny, though not as big as Yuri), but compact, noticeably bigger the typical size of his species. Pure muscle permeates their entire body, rippling through their fur and bulging from their skin, (perks of having wolf genes, unlike the cons). It’s undoubtedly the most terrifying and intimidating member of the 1-4-1. His bark and growling is also akin to something of a hell hound. A growl so low and deep, you can practically feel the vibrations, and the menacing energy coming off of it. And a bark that is almost deafening, with nothing but pure unbridled resentment and fury in it.

Yuri doesn’t really cause (at least too many) problems. He’s mostly unassuming. Apart from the occasional butting heads with everyone, but especially Soap,—nothing too bad. (Spats are mostly brought on because of his own arrogance and narcissistic tendencies. Though he’s got a particular sore spot for insubordination of any kind, or arguing against orders too, a real stuck up when it comes to the rules and how to do things. Similar to Price in that vein, but even worse. Bossy, even when it’s not his place to be. A hypocrite, because he’s unintentionally insubordinate himself, (at least from time to time). Stubborn as hell too, (sometimes even worse than Johnny). Though he’s a damn good soldier, and steps up to the plate when you need him. Very fast and mobile,—at least, out speeding Simon and Soap. He’s also got the best sniffer in the 1-4-1, which can prove to be incredibly useful in certain instances. (He’s a good man in all honesty, even though he has his shortcomings, (though who doesn’t). He’s got a good heart and moral compass. Values his friends greatly. Good character and can be fun to be around, but equally can bore you to death, and tends to keep to himself. He likes to keep things professional most of the time. Truly a no nonsense type of guy. His dark humor doesn’t go over too well sometimes, but he’s able to crack some more wholesome jokes too. One little quirk of his though is that he’s much more open and welcoming, when he’s under the influence and/or drunk. Most of what the 1-4-1 knows about Yuri, and how they’ve gotten closer to him, is by getting him wasted or as high as a kite. (His negative traits are half to do with his breed as well). But really, the only real problem is,—he’s fucking huge. And he doesn’t know he is either. He ends up unintentionally hurting or injuring other people due to the lack of awareness of his size. It’s in his genes to be massive, more so taking after the/having Great Dane in him and all. He’s only about 5’10 or 11 and weighs around 175 pounds in “human” form, but grows to be around 5’2 at shoulder, 6’4 on two legs, and weighs a staggering 275 pounds when in doggy form. Easily 2 maybe even 3x bigger than the typical size of his breed, and especially a normal dog. He’s even bigger than Johnny and Ghost (in canine form at least), which is nothing to sneeze at, considering he’s only a beta. This wouldn’t be a problem, if it weren’t for the fact he has trouble controlling his shifting. This causes a wide variety issues, but mostly ends up getting them comprised on stealth missions, or when they're trying not to alert the enemy. That, and when Yuri shifts sometimes he can't shift back out of his doggy form, and is occasionally stuck like that for the rest of a mission. It's not that Yuri can't pull his own weight and take out enemy soldiers like that, because he most certainly can, and does it with extreme ease. But, he becomes useless in certain situations, because he's unable to return fire or use a gun. Nor can he just charge out with reckless abandon when there's bullets coming from every direction—He lacks armor or any real protection in his canine form after all. It’s just idiotic to put yourself in danger, and potentially get yourself killed like that. Though despite everything, needless to say, Yuri is one of the 1-4-1’s biggest assets. The team wouldn’t be complete without him, even though he can be a real headache and a mountain of paperwork sometimes. Despite his impressive stature, his cold and calculating demeanor, his formidability,—he’s not all too scary. Despite being such a large dog, he’s higher pitched. His bark is ear-piercing, while his growl is about as intimidating as a Chihuahua’s. The 1-4-1 make fun of him for it all the time, much to his chagrin.

TBC—

[nereidprinc3ss]

i know we’re all excited for part 4 coming and ofc I don’t want you to get overwhelmed but i was wondering if we could have Spencer’s POV?

in one of the scenarios, he stated that he was in falling in love for reader and it has been noticeable that he has gotten laid with more/other women in the past.

i would like to know more about how was spencer as a lover back in that time like how he felt after s*x and stuff, like a flashback or something and how his relationship with reader has changed him, his own perspective. BUT ofc, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. it’s all good if you choose to ignore this; ily. thanks for always feeding us. we love being your children💗💗

hi love i actually do have headcanons for dybmn!spence’s romantic/sexual history and idk if they’re ever going to fit into that series but i’d be happy to share them here!!

18+ under the cut/season 8 spoilers barely

so basically in my head he loses his virginity to elle greenaway (DUH) and they actually have a little bit of a relationship but the dynamic isn’t quite right because she’s going through all her own shit and at that time of spencer’s life it’s more simple for him. like she’s his first everything and he’s super in love with her but she is older and more experienced and really cares for him but knows for a lot of reasons that this wide eyed rose tinted view he has of her and their idealized relationship is never going to work out. #ILOVEELLEGREENAWAY but anyway they are never exclusive and in the dybmn universe i think he doesn’t necessarily SLEEP w lilah archer but they hook up in that pool beyond just making out mwaha but he’s just a little guy like he’s not CHEATING on elle because they’re not exclusive but she realizes she’s way too into him and that actually ends up figuring into why she leaves the BAU like yes it’s everything with her trauma too but that’s part of it because she knows she can’t sustain that relationship and being much older than him she’s the responsible party so yeah. i also think that time he visits her hotel room was maybe the last time they hooked up

after that i think he kind of develops a pattern of sleeping with women who are older/more experienced than him because he’s just used to being around older people anyway and he feels he can relate to them better and im imagining this is like seasons 2-4 spencer so it’s him and a bunch of hot 30-40 year old women (and probably men) and he’s just like a slut honestly like he’s really easy because he desperately craves affection and validation and i’d say he continues slutting himself out in that way for many seasons, but slowly with people who are more his age, probably until like around season 8 when he meets maeve and then all that shit happens and he kinda is just not into sex or romance for a long while. and i think after that he occasionally will hook up w someone but his main slut era was like seasons 2-6. (it slowed down when his migraines started but did not stop because he’s unstoppable) (he also may have had an actual relationship during this season 7 period in my mind. idk why i just sense there was someone before maeve. no i will not be providing reasoning season 7 spencer just looks like he has a girlfriend)

anyway. the number of bodies that man has is unknown. it may be a number so high we can’t conceive of it. he’s a capital doubleyew Whore unfortunately. but he’s rlly reigned it in by the time he meets reader which can be whenever you want but i picture it as being anywhere from season 9-14. and i think by the time he meets her he really is like basically celibate. like he hasn’t been with anyone by choice for a long while by the time he meets her. he is a retired slut if you will.

saliently i don’t think he ever does anything with jj. that is a purely imaginative thing for him and he lowkey has a madonna whore complex about her. i don’t think he was ever really in love with her he just loved the idea of the pretty blonde girl loving him back. but that is a whole other thing. and he’s way over it when he meets reader.

n e way those r just my silly thoughts. like i said i don’t think i’m ever gonna fit this into the actual narrative but yeah that’s what ive been imagining!!

[tech-92]

Tech and his "Extra Curriculars"

(CW: Talks of car crashes, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and hard kink)

When it comes to thinking or talking about Tech in any sexual situation, I feel it's important to understand where we come from here on this blog. A lot of posts on our blog tagged "#tbb tech" have this weird masochistic vibe to them and that's for a reason. Our understanding of Tech comes mostly from our development of a concept we call "Tech Crash". The "Crash" part in Tech Crash is from the 1996 movie Crash staring James Spader where essentially, he gets off on participating in car crashes. Anyways, here's what we have written down about the Tech Crash situation:

I finally figured it out what's going on with Tech. I had been having trouble because I knew that there was something Weird happening with him, I just wasn’t sure what exactly. Now I know. So, like obviously it’s been (practically) established in canon that he’s autistic. I also personally read him as someone who’s ace but still has sex and enjoys it. I think both of those things are intrinsic to his experience of sex. I also think both of those things lend quite well to him being into some strange and unusual fetish. We also happen to know he’s into high speed racing and shit from the show… And its like Crash in which he's like, into car crashes but it’s not exactly that. But I am expanding on that. I think he’s into very high-risk scenarios and extreme masochism.

Part of the Tech autism situation is that, it’s really clear he has a hard time with emotions. Specifically, I think he has a lot of trouble parsing out how he feels about things and what to do about that, how to cope, etc. Which is why he tends to ignore problems (ex: when Echo was gone in season 2). Because even if he can recognize he’s upset about something, he can’t really process it in more detail than that. This causes some issues given that he’s a clone and is regularly forced to experience very very dangerous situations with the very very real threat of death breathing down his neck. That’s emotionally and physically devastating. But those scenarios also have a very dramatic effect on the brain in the sense that pivoting SO DRAMATICALLY so quickly from a mindset of urgent survival, "holy shit i am about to die get it together i have to live i have to live" to the overwhelming and ecstatic relief of actually surviving creates a mental sensation not unlike orgasm. And then, pairing that chemical high with the fresh sensation of pain from the injuries he sustained during the survival period creates a deep association of extreme pain with extreme pleasure, even if it is in a twisted context. As an autistic person with similar alexithymia (emotional blindness) to Tech, I can DEFINITELY see him processing those sensations in a sexual way. His emotions would be way easier to recognize and interact with if they’re associated with the distinctive, familiar emotion of sexual arousal.

Of course, those intense scenarios are a very prominent part of his life, and I think as he gets older there comes a stronger divide between the painful, high-risk scenarios he experiences for work and the painful, high-risk scenarios he puts himself in deliberately for sexual pleasure. But I think a significant reason he chooses to put himself in those situations is that, if he’s regularly experiencing that level of fear, pain, and release voluntarily, it makes it a lot easier to handle those things when he’s forced to experience them outside of his own volition.

I want to be clear that I think his enjoyment of masochism is a very sensory focused thing that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with sub/dom dynamics, in fact I think he is specifically not into that sort of thing. I also think his masochism has nothing to do with underlying self-hatred or any sense of “deserving” it. It is PURELY because he likes the sensation of pain and gets off to it. That’s a big part of what I mean when I say his experience of sex is fundamentally autistic. I also think that in general, he’s just not really that into other people. Like, he is willing to have sex with other people, but mostly just because there’s certain things that he can’t really do to himself, whether due to physical or psychological barriers, or just that the safety risk involved in hurting yourself really bad often necessitates another person’s presence in case he passes out or something. What he considers sex/sexual activity is mostly stuff that is barely, if at all, recognizable as sex in the typical definition. This is why I think his experience of sex is also fundamentally aroace.

To get back to the Crash thing. I do think that broadly he is just simply into the idea of danger to a really strong degree, and that can be sort of anything. But he already knows a lot about and has a lot of experience with vehicles, and I think that pushing their abilities and his skills to the absolute brink is gratifying to him both in an experimental way and in a sexual way. He also has the conceptualization to understand the inherent sexiness of metal, cars, etc. even if he is not sexually attracted to the cars themselves. So yeah, he’s getting into crashes. He’s not into it in the same way they are in Crash, where the end-goal/ULTIMATE release is death; as I said this is all a very primal sensory thing for him and he is not into the idea of near-death so much as he is into the rush of endorphins that he experiences while in those situations. While his thing is very high-risk, he is careful about protecting the most important/vulnerable parts of his body and making sure things are set up in a way such that he can hurt a lot without being in too much actual danger of death/infection. However, I do think that when he was younger he took more risks and did some crazy shit that he should NOT have done but calmed down and became more careful as he got older. He probably has the most elaborate and frightening collection of scars. The Crash thing is also why he handles the fractured femur with such ease.

Additionally this part of why TechPhee does not work, at least for me. She could try to figure out how to flirt with him for months and he wouldn’t realize, then she’d finally just ask him out and by the time they hit the bedroom he is like “I need you to hurt me so bad I’m seeing stars in order to get off” and she’d be like "you know what this is not worth it I think we should just be friends". Any apparent mutual interest in each other would just be like, Phee thinking “His eyes are so beautiful I think I want to make love to him” and Tech thinking “she is pretty I wonder if she’d be willing to carve holes into my thighs” or something

[breannasfluff]

Quick question, how do you write so much? I fight the words for an hour and have maybe 2 paragraphs of garbage but you pump out really nice work almost every day??? I have so many ideas but I can’t write them for love nor money

I write almost every day, or I take a break and switch it out for drawing. I generally can write a chapter in one go, so usually stock up some backlog to cover days I’m busy. Having multiple stories now means I don’t have that backlog of some, so updates are a bit slower.

As for writing tips:

1. Remove distractions. Shut discord, exit out of tumblr, mute your phone. When you are stuck, don’t go scroll social media. When writing, the only thing I touch the internet for is if I need to check a story item, like a character name, item history, etc. I cannot overstate how important this is. If you are talking to your friends, you won’t have a writing flow.

2. Do not edit as you write. Writing and editing are two different tasks. You switch between creative and critical thinking and it breaks flow. This is a scientific process and you can read more about it here.

Research electroencephalogram (EEG) suggests both heightened electrical brain wave activity and elevated dopamine levels during flow. In other words, your brain experiences both electrical and chemical changes when you’re “in the zone.”

But once you switch to self-editing mode, you move to the critical thinking side of your brain. You halt all of freewriting’s creative electrical impulses and pleasure-sensing dopamine levels. Your mind flips off one switch and turns on another.

3. Set a time, then be done. Give yourself 20 minutes and write as much as you can. Doesn’t matter if it’s garbage. You can edit garbage into something useful or you can chuck it in a bin. Just try to write, then take a break. Staring at a blank document for two hours isn’t going to make words appear and it just stressed out your brain.

4. Have an outline. Sometimes a magical idea just flows when you sit down to write, but generally not. Have an outline of what you want to have happen in your story or chapter. It doesn’t need to be in depth; for most of my oneshots I literally have a sentence or two at the top of the page. The story needs to have a goal. For example: Wild tries to teach Hyrule cooking. It doesn’t go well. Bouncing ideas off friends can be a big help! It’s why you’ve probably seen me post about prompts and suggestions, and sometimes stories are gifted to people. Talking through plot ideas can help you get a better outline or idea of action.

Misc notes:

Hate to say, but some of it is just practice. I’ve been actively writing for a little over a year with some breaks on and off. Making it a habit is a big thing for making it easy. It’s harder to restart after a break.

When I first started writing I tried to pick one aspect to improve for each story. Filter words, pacing, varying sentence starters, story arcs, etc. Fixing multiple things at once was too much work, but one item at a time was doable.

Filter words make such a huge difference in writing; I encourage you to look them up. It’s a PAIN to remove them in post, but it also taught me to cut them out. Now it’s unconscious and while some still show up, I tend to write them out automatically.

You can learn to write quickly, but if you don’t also work on quality you’ll just…write a lot. That said, it’s fanfic. Sometimes it’s just for fun and quality doesn’t matter. I’ve got plenty of stories that will never be posted because they are just for fun.

Some of it could be writing speed, too? I use a bot a lot of times for timing and tracking and generally average 30-35 words/min. Harder story topics are slower to write, like angst and emotional scenes.

I’m actually writing less this year than last, but I don’t put as much time into it. It also keeps it sustainable as a hobby, although I definitely hit periods of frustration. It can get overwhelming.

If you search my blog for the tag #writing advice or #writing tips, you should fine some other things as well.

This was rather frank, but hopefully helpful! Feel free to drop further questions and I’ll do my best to answer 💜

[korizzybee]

Puppet

Info: reader is black and fem, she’s also taller than Ciel by 2 inches making her 5’2, reader is a maid, reader is 13-14

————————————————————

Day in and day, you trained and trained. You trained until you could no longer all so you could protect your master. Why wouldn’t you? He had practically saved your life. Your name is [Name] [Surname], you come from a family that lives in the west coast of the Caribbeans. At least, that’s what you were told.

You actually don’t know where you come from, all you remember is one day waking up on a ship with a katana by your side and knowing that you were born with a gift that allowed you to create weapons from your body by transforming the lipids and fat cells into your creations. You were trained, since you were 10 years old, as a human weapon.

No one treated you like a human being, had no feelings, no soul of your own. Your previous master made you go on dangerous missions, not giving a damn wether you had sustained serious injuries or not. Of course he wasn’t too evil, you thought, he would give you short resting periods in between if an injury was very serious. He can’t have his weapon dying on him, now can he?

You had grown used to his cruel actions towards you, and had become numb. No light shining in your eyes, not a single wince shown on your face when you were punished by your master for doing something that was ‘not to his standards’. Your current mission, ‘Eliminate Ciel Phantomhive and Return With His Head on A Platter’ was how you ended up in the situation you’re in now.

————————————————————

Of course you would screw up this mission. Your master knew you would screw up this mission, you could bet he was sitting in his office chair right about now, laughing and imagining the surprised look on your face when you found out Ciel Phantomhive was a child. A kid only a year younger than you. You could cut down a man in an instant using your sharpest blade, splatter a woman’s brains across a wall using your finest gun…

But a child? You had never been fond of killing children, especially ones younger than you no matter the age gap. The moment you saw his face you hesitated, your blade shaking in your grasp. And that’s what led to your downfall, here you were pinned to the ground by the kid’s butler. “My, what do we have here Sebastian?” Phantomhive asked his butler, he had your hands tied behind your back.

“This seems to be the rumored, man slaying assassin, Puppet.” Sebastian informed his master, “but…she is just a child.” He finished in a voice that almost sounded like disappointment. Puppet. How you hated that name. You were not a puppet to anyone, at least, not in your eyes. “If you wish to kill me I suggest you do it now, or else I cut your butler down where he stands.” You threatened with a monotone voice.

Truth be told, you weren’t sure if wether or not you could slice this man down. There was something…off..about him, you couldn’t put your finger on it but it was almost like he wasn’t even human. Like he was something else entirely…

“You can try if you’d like, puppet, but I assure you my butler isn’t one to go down so easily.” Phantomhive said with a slight, cocky smirk displayed on his lips. “You’re quite cocky for a small, frail child such as yourself.” You reply to him in slight irritated tone. You hated that word, puppet. It made you feel as though you weren’t your own person.

He walked towards you and Sebastian, looking down at you as if you were inferior to him in a way. It made your stomach boil, you’d never felt this type of distaste for anyone before. Not even your abusive master. “You’re a child too.” He said with a scoff, “Just a slightly older and taller one. You may be good with weapons, but your skills with them aren’t useful if you end up losing a match against someone.”

He then smirked and raised an amused eyebrow, “From what I hear at least, you can conjure up the weapons from your body using your body fat. Is that true?” He asked, bending down to get a better look at you. Sebastian looked down at you. “And if it were?” You responded, that gave them everything they needed to know. “She would be a good addition to our staff, don’t you think so, My Lord?” Sebastian asked Phantomhive with an almost cat-like smile.

“She would indeed. So what do you say, Puppet? Will you join the Phantomhive Manor as a maid?” That choice…is up to you…

————————————————————

AN: hey everyone!!! I just wanted to post a lil sum sum to let y’all know I’m still alive. As you all know school, at least in south of North America, is starting back in August so I’ve been busy making my schedule and getting my supplies. I also want to let everyone know that yes I am still a minor and I am just now going to in to high school.

When August 14 hits I will be offline for at least until December because I want to focus on my grades especially because I’m taking some AP classes. The reason I haven’t been posting much during the summer is because I do both summer basketball and volleyball for my school, and I’ll be doing track nearing the end of the school year so don’t expect a lot of posts then either.

I’ve also been burnt out from sports and had writers block as well, but since I heard Black Butler was getting a third season (where it follows the manga canon) I wanted to write something for Ciel in celebration of that. I will post more chapters to my ATSV OC fanfic but idk when that will be. I will try to post more before August 14, but if I don’t then, oh well.

I’ve been feeling a little more motivated to write, especially since Summer is coming to an end so fast. I have 5 WIPs in my drafts that idk when I will be releasing. My request box is also looking a little dry so don’t be afraid to request anything, just take a look at the rules above. If my works come out slow please remember that I am someone who puts her grades and mental health first before touching social media.

Anyways I love you all, have a good day/night wherever you are. ❤️

[milgram-en]

YONAH (S2 Kotoko VD English Translation)

Kotoko: You’re rather late, Es.

Es: Kotoko.

Kotoko: What? You look scared.

Es: What have you done? You-

Kotoko: Ahh, that’s right. I apologize for being unable to inflict satisfactory punishment upon Mikoto Kayano and Amane Momose.

Es: Uh- You… [impl.: Es percieves Kotoko as someone close]

Kotoko: I hunted them one-by-one, but I was unable to execute them due to continuous interference from Kazui Mukuhara, who was guarding Mikoto Kayano and Fuuta Kajiyama, and sustaining damage of my own. By the time I charged Mahiru Shiina, Amane Momose was out of time.

Es: Were you trying to pave off Amane too?

Kotoko: That’s right. Since you hadn’t permitted me to do so, I didn’t. But it’s only natural, you know? 

Es: They’re a child.

Kotoko: So what? That kid [impl.: derogatory tone] killed someone, that's why she's here.

Es: I see.

Kotoko: I figured I was unable to go forward with it on the grounds that she was a child. I apologize I let you down. It is simply my deficiency of ability. 

Es: …

Kotoko: I was unable to neutralize Kazui Mukuhara. Do you happen to know how one could… make things a bit smoother—

Es: Kotoko! Do you hear yourself?! You’re mistaken.

Kotoko: How so? I was under the impression that I’m supporting you as your foundation.

Es: Who told you to go that far? I had no intention of allowing you to do that when I forgave you. 

Kotoko: We do what the other can’t do. That’s what a partnership is all about, isn’t it? I only cover for what you can’t bring yourself to do.

Es: What’s so powerful about prisoners hurting each other? 

Kotoko: MILGRAM’s design in itself has made that assumption, I’m sure. There’s no prohibition against prisoners attacking one another. Well, at least your superior assumes this situation. 

Es: Even if that were the case, your actions were unnecessary. 

Kotoko: Good Es. A person who commits a sin can’t realize the severity of their crime until they lose something of their own. I’ve observed dozens of criminals and not a single one rights their ways without pain. 

Es: Enough is enough. This is a conflict in direction. I’m finished working with you. 

Kotoko: Why?

Es: I have no desire to resolve sins with more violent atrocities. 

Kotoko: Is it not violence to restrain a person for an extended period of time?

Es: We have determined that it is not.

Kotoko: What is it about prisons condoning this level of psychological abuse but not physical aggression? Double standard, right? 

Es: That’s nonsense. Furthermore, the one who decides the rules of this prison is… It is my freedom to do so. 

Kotoko: I say the rules are nonsense.

Es: You said you would cooperate with me. If that’s what you want to do, then act according to my intentions. 

Kotoko: I said I would be your fang. Did you forget? I’ll do what you can’t bring yourself to do. That’s it. 

Es: I don’t need it.

Kotoko: Why?

Es: Because.

Kotoko: If instead your stranger of a murderer was violently attacked by your stranger of a justice-fueled human being, would you feel as angry as you do now?

Es: Right now we’re talking about MILGRAM. Whatever you’re saying is likely irrelevant.

Kotoko: Come on, just tell me. 

Es: My answer might not measure up to your expectations.

Kotoko: Is that so? When a murderer gets to be on the receiving end, you don’t see that as just karma? 

Es: Maybe there’s a bit of a nice feeling. So what? 

Kotoko: How is that any different from what I did? 

Es: What? Because it’s MILGRAM. Because it happened in my prison. 

Kotoko: That’s not the real reason, is it? It’s none other than the fact you feel an attachment to the prisoners. 

Es: What?

Kotoko: Don’t you remember? You look at the prisoners like they’re your friends. Maybe at times you look at them like they’re family, like they’re something you’re trying to protect. 

Es: …

Kotoko: Ah～ Can you bring yourself to sever that? Are you really a guard? 

Es: Silence. 

Kotoko: The sins of one’s friends are lighter, punishment is less severe the more you get along. If you like what someone’s heart appears to be—the way they act in your company—, the longer you like each other, the lighter their sin will be.

Es: I’m telling you to shut it.

Kotoko: Keeping your mouth shut won’t get you anywhere. What I’m trying to tell you is that with the way you see and think about things, MILGRAM is merely a good-for-nothing interlude of a prison show. 

Es: Shut up! [Es slaps Kotoko]

[heavy breathing] Kotoko: Violence, right? Hurting a beloved prisoner is considered one. 

Es: …

Kotoko: Heh- Ahahahahaha! Something like that is no good for violence. It’s weak. You’re too weak. You‘re not going to stop anyone with that fragile body of yours. You can’t protect anyone. Go ahead, preach your virtues when you can’t even dispense your own “great” justice. You, in all that you are, are disturbingly defective. [t/n: lacking something in every aspect of being; ex. thoughts, conviction, actions, etc.]

Es: Defective…

Kotoko: If you really want to stop people [sin], crush them. Mercilessly. 

Es: I- I…

Kotoko: I get it. Realistically speaking, this is too much for you to handle. That’s why you have no choice but to need me. [impl.: Kotoko is an indispensable person/instrument that Es has to use]

Es: Fangs to break through stone…

[Es sounds indicating discomfort]

Es: My head–

Kotoko: Is your head alright?

Es: I’m… as a fan, I’m not without fault. I’m… just a warden. 

Kotoko: Is everything alright? Are you okay, Es? 

Es: Kotoko.

Kotoko: Rest yourself here. 

Es: No- Stop-

Kotoko: It’s going to be okay.

Es: Get away… Kotoko.

Kotoko: I understand how you feel. I’ve felt the same way even though I’m in a position of being able to bear the responsibility of overseeing alone. You’re too kind.  You can’t stand to be in a prison that’s built by your own choices. Yet, someone has to pick up the slack. You need a partner. I’ll do the dirty work. 

Es: Do I… look kind?

Kotoko: Does your head still hurt? Get some more rest. I’ll take it from here. The two of us, let’s make a proper MILGRAM. 

Es: I see. That’s right… MILGRAM. 

[Bells ringing]

Es: No. Get away from me, Kotoko. Don’t talk to me so casually. 

Kotoko: What？

Es: I’m.. not in the wrong. 

Kotoko: Es?

[Es hits themself]

Kotoko: What are you doing? Did you beat yourself up? Are you crazy?

[Es sighs. footsteps]

Es: No. I just got back to normal. 

Kotoko: Huh？

Es: Kotoko, I won’t do as you say. 

Kotoko: Eh?

Es: I have been confronting the question of crime and punishment in the way I see it. From your perspective, it may feel like I’m mistaken and inconsistent. That I’m incompetent, unable to find my own convictions. That my convictions don’t exist. It’s as though there’s innumerous people inside of me, cohabitating with all sorts of thoughts and feelings towards MILGRAM and towards the prisoners. 

Kotoko: In its current state, I intend to continue shaking up MILGRAM. 

Es: Even so, I’ve been facing my own accountability on everything I’ve caused here for a long time! I’ve been able to by frantically thinking about each and every one of the 10 prisoners, including you! Those feelings… I don’t consider them mistakes. No matter what sorts of hell may arise from here, I will not run away! I’m not going to leave it up to anyone else. For what it’s worth, it’s my responsibility to grasp the hearts and minds of the prisoners. For that reason, I’m reconsidering whether or not I should continue working with you.

[Kotoko lets out a sigh of air.]

Kotoko: Hah- What a waste of time. It’s always the same. It’s always the same with you weaklings… You all enjoy seeing someone suffer. 

Es: Maybe so. 

Kotoko: You take pride in watching sinners burn. 

Es: I don’t deny it. 

Kotoko: You want it to happen, but the moment it does around you because of your own choices, you start plastering the bare minimum niceties to avoid getting your hands dirty [avoid your own fault and responsibility]. All the time… Always! You’re all fools. 

Es: I admit it. You are the competition. We’re the weak. Maybe that’s how it is, but that’s who we are as of now.

Kotoko: You have no conviction to strive, you make no effort to attain power, and yet you keep talking about righteousness without a shred of consistency. You’re stuck an endless cycle, all because you’re in a position to talk, self-aggrandizing your own abject edicts as if it makes your irresponsibility justice itself. You’re so enraptured in people’s misery, but you can’t even face the truth of your own nature even if it stared you in the eyes.

Es: Whatever you say.

Kotoko: Don’t preach about your righteousness, pretending that you hate evil. Act on it. Trust that your actions will change the world. The world will continue to rot no matter how many people just sit back and watch from afar. If you don’t have the power, don’t tell me who has the authority, Es! I will personally see to it that MILGRAM’s policies are enforced without exception.

Es: You may indeed embody one of MILGRAM’s ideals. I may indeed get attached to my prisoners. I may indeed be an imperfect warden. Regardless.

Kotoko: If you understand that, you can’t seriously stop now!

Es: Still, this is where I stand. This is also my battle. Their current suffering is mine’s as well. Your strength is powerful, you could accomplish many things with it. But MILGRAM is mine. Even if I were to cooperate with you in the future, you will never rise above what you are. I am the king, you are a tool. 

Kotoko: Only if you have that kind of worth. 

Es: Prisoner Number 10, Kotoko. Sing of your sins. 

[falseficus]

it’s so odd to be so into something that i can’t think idly of anything else, for a period of months, and then one day it’s just. over. no longer enough to sustain my mind on its own. demoted to the level of a regular interest. like why… what changed

[karimwillia]

ICU

You got a feeling, a soul, that I need in my life (yeah, yeah)

And though we may grow, I don't know why we don't grow apart.

Fluff

“Rihanna Williams what are you saying? Do you genuinely not see a future for us?” “Shuri Udaku of course I do, I have seen us married with a pretty little girl who shares features of us both somehow. I have seen us on missions together as Panther and IronHeart. But I have to think practically.” Shuri is quiet as she processes what Riri is saying that future sounds AMAZING to her but is she just dreaming? A few tears well up in her eyes. “Logic would state that this could not be sustained. But what does your heart say? Do you honestly want to end what we have? Think of us over this trip alone.”

*Flashback*

“Princess your transport to Wakanda has arrived on the roof.” “Thank you Griot!” Sharon is standing at the threshold of her lab. “Good lord you down bad sister. You only leave this house to see her.” Riri cuts her eyes at her sister like she wants to kill her. “Sha have you seen Shuri wouldn’t you?” Ri’s face wears a mischievous smirk. “It’s the middle of the night so I suppose but you run to Wakanda every few days now you never rest.” Riri pauses Shuri is her soul mate. So while the schedule maybe hectic this is the sacrifice she will make. Shuri would do this in a heartbeat for her so what is her sister’s point. As a matter of fact the apartment Sharon and Riri are in is property Shuri purchased to her last year. She also owns one in Cambridge. This is so they can come and go as they please.

“Sha what do you suggest we do? I love her so I’ll do anything to make this work. You think Shuri should start traveling or something.” “No I remember when she was doing that. I just think you are just not balanced right now.” “Sha maybe so but we are doing what we can for now.” Sharon just shakes her head and looks at her sister. “I get it I do but please just think about having a conversation with Shuri about it.”

Once in the aircraft Riri is greeted by two Dora who are honestly her royal detail. Since they have been dating she is afforded certain privileges. “Nkosazana we will have you home in 7 hours.” Riri solutes them. “Thank you both. Griot status on Panther?” “The Panther is currently traveling to schools in the border tribe to give talks to the local Scholars. She will be able to meet you at the palace when you arrive.” “Thank you Griot let’s go home.” Riri’s mind is all a buzz with project ideas and seeing her Love. In the deep part of her mind Sharon’s words echo. Is their relationship too hectic to maintain? Maybe she should voice concern to Shuri.

The scientist wipes the thoughts from her mind. She is content for now. Is she jet lagged and would like a more stable schedule she would but the conversation will be had when it’s time. To be honest she travels because she can’t stand being without Shuri for long periods. They collectively decided after 6 months that only seeing each other on holidays was not going to cut it. So Shuri would make weekend trips now it is Riri’s turn.

Riri does not want to dwell on this anymore and she continues her sketches on her ipad. The flight goes by faster leaving at night. “Princess we are home.” Hasani her Dora announces as the jet crosses the border. The view of the city through the front talon window never gets old. It is so great to be home is all Riri can think of now.

While unloading Aneka and Ayo meet Riri on the tarmac. “Nkosazana seems so long since we’ve seen you.” Ayo smiles wide looking at Riri who she has become very fond of over time in working with her. “My love it was just last week…” Aneka misses the sarcasm of Ayo’s statement causing her to chuckle. “Thank you General it has been ages. Is she inside?”

The ladies gave each other a knowing look and answer. “She is indeed waiting for you in quarters. But before you go see her. We are requesting your assistance. The Midnight Angels will go out at the end of this week for a mission and we would love to have the IronHeart with us.” Listening intently Riri agreed to the mission with a nod and requests that details be sent to her beads ASAP. “Ok I will be ready.” With that Ayo and Aneka leave thanking Riri.

Riri’s escort is taken over by her Dora and she rushes to Shuri’s side. Shuri has turned off Griot in quarters ever since one night when they wanted to be intimate everyone in the world wanted to stop by. The alarms drove them crazy. So Riri is able to sneak in and catch her Lover preparing the room for a romantic evening.

“I hear you Entle you forget my enhanced senses don’t you?” Shuri allows Riri to wrap her from behind in an embrace. Kissing the exposed skin of her back Riri feels Shuri react. “I can’t forget them if I tired. You use them so well.” Chuckling low in her stomach Shuri can’t help her heart rate spike. Riri just causes it naturally. “Is this for me?” The room is dim with candles that smell of jasmine lit all around, Shuri setup a small dinner for just them and there are message oils near the bed. “Yes you have been traveling back and fourth so I wanted to pamper you today. If that is alright.”

This is why they work. They have a sacrifice and reward, 50/50 relationship. “I can agree to this if you sleep in with me tomorrow. I will make you breakfast.” “Your negotiation skills are getting better. I can’t refuse that.” The two kiss and the feeling is intoxicating.

*end of flashback

Crying Riri is turned completely around unable to look at Shuri. Realizing that logic cannot be at play here. Whenever she is with Shuri it’s like she is breathing fresh air, she needs Shuri and it’s all consuming. She hates to admit that. She hates to admit that no matter where life takes them she wants to be or have the Queen by her side. It eats at her when they are apart. Shuri walks up and wraps Riri in her arms with a gentle embrace. Placing a kiss to the back of her neck Riri instantly relaxes.

“Sthandwa please calm down. I did not mean for the question I asked to be this upsetting.” “It’s not that I just…before I left home my sister and I where talking. She pointed out how outrageous our schedules are lately and while this is ok for now. How long can we do this flying back and fourth? The thoughts started to take over. I was ignoring them but you know how my mind works.”

Shuri turns her around and holds her close cupping her face. “I do indeed know how your mind works. But you wanted to ignore it? Why not talk to me?” Shuri’s face is soft with a small smile. “Because Baby we work and I will do anything to keep you in my life. So why rock the boat? Even if I’m tired of traveling I will do it from now to the end of time if it means I’m with you. I want to touch you and see you. Distance does not work for us and breaking up is…” Shuri is smiling bigger as Riri rants. Kissing her forehead Shuri was laughing to herself. “What is so funny? I’m not a joke Baby.”

“No no you are not. It’s just that same thought has been on my mind. So I just asked you how do you see our future to hopefully surprise you. I have come up with a solution.” Holding up keys in her hand Shuri speaks clearly her plan. “I have it planned to take a year working remotely in the Cambridge outreach center. As you finish your last year in school. From there we can talk about you moving to Wakanda to head the engineering sector of the development team here. Or we can go to Chicago for sometime if you like.”

Riri could not believe it are they really that in sync? Lacing their fingers Riri places her forehead on Shuri’s “How does a Queen take a year off?” “Simple a Queen who has a trusted co leader and a very competent army.” Riri laughs dispute the tears. “I love you yo you have no idea.” Shuri closes the short distance and kisses Ri. It’s sweet and quick but it says so much. “I hope it’s enough to have my daughter. I liked that part of your dream.” Shuri has now picked up the shorter women looking into her eyes. Ri smirks with Shuri’s face in her hands. “I will have 10 for you if you wanted. You can have whatever you want.” Her tone was low. Gripping her legs Shuri commands the locks on their door be engage.

@somethingcleaverandwhitty @shuriris-stuff

[inkwolvesandcoffee]

Hello! I was snooping through your headcanons (they all sound bomb btw), and I noticed you did some for Werewolf!Leo mentioning some future ideas for fics about him; i was just curious to know if you still have plans for him... 😊 (the headcanons were so cute & sad at the same time! 🥺❤️ I'm just trying to find some somewhat-happy fics with him, he deserves A LOT of love! [& cuddles, should he want them]) 🥰)

Thanks!

Hiya,

I do still wanna do something for Werewolf!Leo, but I don’t know what. I had one idea, which vanished without being penned down to remind me of it later. (This is why I now keep a little black book of ideas.)

Then I had another and couldn’t make it work whatsoever. I tried writing it twice, opting for different versions, both of which failed. So, yeah, currently I don’t know what I’d do for him.

There is one song, though, that sparked an idea a while ago and now every time I hear it, I’m like “oh, right, yeah, I should do that one”. It’s called ‘nostalgia’ and is by JUNNY & Jay B.

However, I do admit I’m an extremely moody writer who works with bursts of inspiration and concepts. In essence, it means some stories might never see the light of day because I just don’t have the drive to finish them. Also, I can’t channel one particular character to work on something for them at random. Like, I can’t jump from, let’s say, Eddie Brock to James Delaney. I need to be in the right headspace to connect with them. And right now, my writer persona has no connection to Leo, unfortunately.

Lastly, I don’t like writing happy stories. I can’t, in fact, because that’s not what I like reading and creating. I suppose the following quote by W.B. Yeats best describes me as a person and a writer: “Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.”

I won’t lie, he and James Joyce (and Oscar Wilde too) have heavily influenced my fiction and, well, me as an individual. I won’t make this any longer than necessary nor overly explain myself, but don’t expect happy tales from me. Especially when Wolves are involved.

Because time goes on for all of them.

And one day, the final grain of sand slips through the crack in the hourglass.

[historicallyaccuratecheese]

Very Important Blog Update, Please Read if you Have the Time!

For a while, this blog that I've been running has kind of had a...primary goal, so to speak. That goal has been to write massive, long-form essay posts about my time listening to The Magnus Archives. Going forward, I'd...like to change my approach to how I utilize this blog, and explain what I mean under the cut. (Also, sorry if this is a bit short and scattered and all over the place and if the stuff I'm insinuating kind of flip-flops as the post progresses, I'm writing this in a bit of a hurry, but hopefully it'll make sense by the end.)

So…I’m gonna be honest with everyone. As much as I hate to say it…my tma hyperfixation has kind of slipped recently. Is this for any particular reason? No, I still think the show is absolutely brilliant. Does this mean I don’t plan to ever finish it or talk about it on this blog ever again? Fuck no! But…this does kind of mean that when I come back to posting about the podcast is…indeterminate until I find both the time and energy to rekindle my fixation on it…and given where I’m at in life at the moment it’s kind of hard to tell when that will be, although I hope it won’t be too long from now.

I’m really really sorry to break this news to anyone who’s been following my posts, especially after such a long time of absolutely nothing, but…this is just kind of the way my head works I guess. I sustain a massive interest in something, then it fizzles out for like…two to six months and then comes back in full force. I still love tma and want to see it through to the end, and for all I know I could start posting about it again as soon as like…two weeks from now. But…I unfortunately can’t make any promises when considering how my academic life is in a really stressful period at the moment, and how there’s just other stuff that’s taken over my brain for the time being.

And on that note, I just wanted to make sure…are people who have been following me for tma like…happy to read stuff about other things I’m into? Because like, this blog has primarily been focused on tma for most of its life and I understand that’s what a lot of people have come here for, but like…I don’t know, I initially made this blog as a way to talk about all of my interests (and to escape the constantly sinking ship that is twitter.com but that’s another story), and then tma just…conveniently became the thing I ended up talking about the most, but…I’d like to talk about other stuff if people are up for it!

Some things I might want to talk about are Hollow Knight, Undertale/Deltarune, and then…whatever else happens to come up or resurface in my brain at the moment! I’m actually hoping to get into Ace Attorney in the coming weeks when things settle down slightly for me, I’ve never really delved into the series before (other than playing through most of the first game but that was a good few years ago and I don’t remember much other than really liking it), but after catching glimpses of a…certain person known for creating some very good fan dubs live-blogging their experience with the games, I thought…”sure, why not?” And besides, I’d like it if I could appeal to a wider audience and meet some more people who are into the same things as me, especially since it’s been such a delight hearing from other people who are into tma, plus it would be nice to start…you know, actually speaking my mind here again instead of just Reblogging most of the time like I have these past few months.

Basically, the crux of the post is that…I don’t really want to treat this blog like some sort of big, exclusively tma-focused project anymore. I already have enough big projects, especially of the essay variety, to do for class. I will still definitely listen to and talk about tma when I next get a good chance and the motivation to, and try to inform people about my thoughts and my experience, and hope to do so very soon, but…I don’t really want that to just be it anymore, and…yeah, I think I might just need to put this series I’ve been doing to rest.

Like, I’ve tried to rework my format into something a bit more easy to manage, but…if I’m being real, treating a leisurely activity as a task to complete just isn’t it, and if I’m to get back into it at all I think that I might just need to enjoy it on my own terms. In fact, unless I get a sudden spark of motivation to do so, or...until they stop being a thing I have to do against my will for a while, I don't think I'll be planning any long-form essay posts for the time being, because like I said, I'm already doing quite a bit of that for school. I want both listening to tma and running this blog to be something I do for my own pleasure first and foremost, because...I could really use that right now. I don't want to get too into personal details here, but I've honestly been lacking motivation to touch any of my hobbies recently, so...I feel like I should just do something that's more easy on myself and relaxing during my free time, and hopefully that'll get me in high and passionate spirits once again. And hey, I'm sure I'll eventually come up with some new idea for a project one day, and something tma-related is absolutely on the table, although...I might make dedicated blogs for those projects just in case.

But with all of that being said...I do still value the opinions of everyone who's been following my tma posts. I've had a great time reading the comments that everyone's made and it's extremely cathartic to make people happy with my own creations, but...I just want to make sure that people would be open to other stuff. Obviously, I don't want to pressure anyone, like, don't feel obligated to comment about posts on a fandom you're not a part of just to make me feel better, but as long as people are willing to hear me out with whatever I make next, and don't expect this to be a blog that is primarily focused on one thing (other than...my brain, I guess?), then I will be extremely happy and never ask anyone for anything ever again.

Well uh...that's about it I guess. Like I said, I'm sorry if this is a little bit jumbled and all over the place, but hopefully I got my point across. Going forward...well, I don't really have much of a plan for the most part, other than to post about whatever the fuck I feel like, I guess. I'll keep this post pinned for the time being, but I think that after I start building up a wider repetoire of topics to talk about, I'll make a pinned post that acts as both an introduction to my blog, and links all of the tags for my various fandoms. I also plan to eventually upload my magnus posts to Ao3 (I am so sorry to the anon who asked me about that I know it has been a while), and...might make a dedicated blog to act as an archive (pun very much intended) for them? I don't know, that's a pretty big maybe at the moment. And uh...once again, all the thanks in the world to everyone who followed my tma posts as they came out, it was a wonderful experience, and I hope you're open to whatever I make next. And...while I can't promise that I'll post about every thought I have on every tma episode going forward...you bet your ass I will have some things to say after MAG 200 (and probably TmagP 90...whenever that comes out.) Well uh...bye, I'm going to do some studying and then continue my replay of Deltarune Chapter 2 (where I will be reacquianted with Queen who is the best character ever made and no I will not be taking criticism.)

[danbisroom]

Ep. 24 - Fantastic Chemistry Peanut Butter Jelly

Hello my beloved fellow souls,

welcome back to Danbi’s Room, your weekly dose of safe space. Go grab a cup of something warm and get yourself cosy.

I hope you had a nice week. Even if it was tiring I hope it was still enjoyable. I received continuous unplanned surprises from the past week, a lot of ideas and a couple of epiphanies.

Now, you might be wondering what’s wrong with the title. Sometimes we need to change and with every seasonal shift I’m waking up to this more and more. After a full weekend spent among full-blown street artists I’ve been feeling grounded again, along with having made brand new discoveries about my own path. The point I’m trying to make is that we need lightness, too. Lightness is part of the balance of life and it can save us, too.

I love peanut butter. My fellow Italians might burn me at the stake for stating this but I love it. And it did somehow save me, not too long ago. During the time I took a break from Danbi’s Room I was in a place of great distress and I was also super busy. The perfect ingredients to cook a quite annoying dish: I couldn’t bring myself to eat but at the same time I needed a lot of calories.

So I just bought some jars of good peanut butter.

I was having it with jam on toast basically every morning and that allowed me to function and to avoid having panic attacks for breakfast. Now I’m back to taking half an hour to make myself the perfect breakfast for the day, but now, now I can. Now I have an amount of energy that I couldn't even fathom two months ago. I did what I could and that’s self care, too. That stage was part of the process that let me get to the present moment. I feel strong even with four hours of sleep after running around a town for forty-eight during my period, with the bare minimum supply of food and under crazy weather. Definitely something that shouldn’t be routine, but if you’re not constantly in a fight-or-flight state you can occasionally dwell in these adventures and actually enjoy them despite the fatigue. The street becomes your playground, crowds are your playmates. You have fun, you savour every second of it and you even lick your fingers at the end of it. You feel the community, the harmony it created and you remember why you do it. Why do you birth art? It’s always the connection and once you got that, there’s no turning back. It’s a jam of love, laughter and fun and as you get closer you’re able to see the full picture clearer and clearer. You see that making a kid smile with your antics means much more than getting your precious paintings into elitist white cubes where nobody actually cares, not even yourself. Art is to be shared with everybody. All you need is spirit and courage, to look outside and inside, and maybe you’ll recognise something and then acknowledge that feeling of inadequacy is not yours at all, it was passed down to you like a cruel heirloom. You know, before you see and feel something you can’t really decide whether to keep it or not. But once you do you certainly can. I’m emptying my jar of that feeling of inadequacy, so that I can finally fill it with something more…you know, mine.

Then I can smear it all over my life.

Then I can deepen my breath to give oxygen to those who can’t breathe.

Then I can enhance my strength to sustain those who can’t walk.

In the pack and for the pack, always.

May we all howl together while running through the forest.

Now I’ll go make myself some matcha latte and a bit of PBJ.

Today’s song recommendation is JJAM by Stray Kids (act surprised, pretend). Well…it’s about jam and I’ll leave you to build your own interpretation of it.

I hope you enjoyed this episode and that you have a beautiful week ahead of you!

I’ll see you in the next one, big hug!

With love, yours,

Danbi

[beesandwasps]

There’s a section in Terry Pratchett’s Going Postal which runs:

And, somehow, it was all familiar… Moist listened glumly. Time travel was only a kind of magic, after all. That’s why it always went wrong. That’s why there were postmen, with real feet. That’s why the clacks was a string of expensive towers. Come to that, it was why farmers grew crops and fishermen trawled nets. Oh, you could do it all by magic, you certainly could. You could wave a wand and get twinkly stars and a fresh-baked loaf. You could make fish jump out of the sea already cooked. And then, somewhere, somehow, magic would present its bill, which was always more than you could afford.

There’s a distinct similarity to capitalism, there, which is hardly surprising in a book which is basically a thinly-veiled critique of capitalism in a fantasy setting; it was quite likely deliberate (although since Pratchett passed away a few years ago and I haven’t seen anybody quote an interview saying that he confirmed it I suppose we’ll never really know for sure). You take some business, or process, or task, which is already operating, and you let people whose only qualification is that they already have money, and whose only interest is that they want to make more money, take over from the people who set the thing up, and the thing makes more money… at first. And then, sooner or later, capitalism presents its bill and the whole operation, no matter how popular or profitable it may have been, can’t be sustained. The threat to the postal service posed by the magical device in question is no greater than the threat posed by the fantasy-world-corporate-raider Reacher Guilt who is the villain of the book.

Pharmacies are basically a necessary service, there’s no realistic way to structure a world which has modern, real medical care which doesn’t have something like that. In a naive model, they should be nearly an absolutely guaranteed business model; a huge portion of the population really has no choice but to regularly make purchases at a pharmacy. And yet in the last 30 or so years, capitalism has created these massive conglomerations — both in terms of pharmacies themselves, CVS and Walgreens and all the grocery-chain-allied pharmacies which employ hundreds or thousands of pharmacists and have hundreds or thousands of locations, and in terms of the drug manufacturers, and in terms of insurance companies — and they just can’t seem to help themselves but periodically run the business into the ground.

Source

Full analysis here

[harepanther]

Saw someone posting a question sticker on their Instagram story. The question goes like this:

“1 word to describe 2023 and why?”

The first word that popped in to my mind was ‘rubix cube’. I realized rubix cube isn’t one word per se, but well… protocols be damned.

Going through 2023 so far felt like trying to complete an immensely complicated rubix cube. I’m not one to play with rubixes to be honest, in fact I tend to step away from the challenge (remember when everyone was so into solving rubixes and people came up with books and freaking paid rubix lessons? Another confusing moment in our generation), simply because I know I can’t do it and really, why bother?

I once finished one side of a rubix cube, feeling super at ease with myself, decided that this time I will finish the whole thing. But I figured out that in order to finish all four sides, I had to break down that one side I took so long to finish, and at some point start all over again.

Life in 2023 was exactly like that. Just when I thought it was going great, something came up and ruined it for me. I had to go back to ground zero. I had to start again.

When I managed to sustain a good period of my life for long enough, I’m constantly reminded that the rest of the sides are still mixed up and unsolved.

They say not knowing is one of the most precious things about life, that it will surprise you in so many ways. But being 24, I really just want to know for sure that I could solve all the sides of the rubix cube by the end of 2023.