#why can i not be worth enough to people for unconditional love

[hexslvt]

anyways my mom tried to justify screaming at me today with the fact that i'm "not grateful enough for everything she does" and it brought me right back to being with my ex so 👍🏻

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Character Development: 70 Questions

Self-Reflective Questions. To help jumpstart self-reflection (Woronko, n.d.):

Am I using my time wisely?

Am I taking anything for granted?

Am I employing a healthy perspective?

Am I living true to myself?

Am I waking up in the morning ready to take on the day?

Am I thinking negative thoughts before I fall asleep?

Am I putting enough effort into my relationships?

Am I taking care of myself physically?

Am I letting matters that are out of my control stress me out?

Am I achieving the goals that I’ve set for myself?

The following are questions you can ask yourself every day to get to know yourself better (William, n.d.):

Who am I, really?

What worries me most about the future?

If this were the last day of my life, would I have the same plans for today?

What am I really scared of?

Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?

If not now, then when?

What matters most in my life?

What am I doing about the things that matter most in my life?

Why do I matter?

Have I done anything lately that’s worth remembering?

Have I made someone smile today?

What have I given up on?

When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?

If I had to instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby, what advice would I give?

What small act of kindness was I once shown that I will never forget?

How will I live, knowing I will die?

What do I need to change about myself?

Is it more important to love or be loved?

How many of my friends would I trust with my life?

Who has had the greatest impact on my life?

Would I break the law to save a loved one?

Would I steal to feed a starving child?

What do I want most in life?

What is life asking of me?

Which is worse: failing or never trying?

If I try to fail and succeed, what have I done?

What’s the one thing I’d like others to remember about me at the end of my life?

Does it really matter what others think about me?

To what degree have I actually controlled the course of my life?

When all is said and done, what will I have said more than I’ve done?

These prompts and questions are great ways to put your journal to use (Tartakovsky, 2014):

My favorite way to spend the day is . . .

If I could talk to my teenage self, the one thing I would say is . . .

The two moments I’ll never forget in my life are . . . (Describe them in great detail, and what makes them so unforgettable.)

Make a list of 30 things that make you smile.

“Write about a moment experienced through your body. Making love, making breakfast, going to a party, having a fight, an experience you’ve had or you imagine for your character. Leave out thought and emotion, and let all information be conveyed through the body and senses.”

The words I’d like to live by are . . .

I couldn’t imagine living without . . .

When I’m in pain—physical or emotional—the kindest thing I can do for myself is . . .

Make a list of the people in your life who genuinely support you, and whom you can genuinely trust. Then, make time to hang out with them.

What does unconditional love look like for you?

What things would you do if you loved yourself unconditionally? How can you act on these things, even if you’re not yet able to love yourself unconditionally?

I really wish others knew this about me . . .

Name what is enough for you.

If my body could talk, it would say . . .

Name a compassionate way you’ve supported a friend recently. Then, write down how you can do the same for yourself.

What do you love about life?

What always brings tears to your eyes? (As Paulo Coelho has said, “Tears are words that need to be written.”)

Write about a time when your work felt real, necessary and satisfying to you, whether the work was paid or unpaid, professional or domestic, physical or mental.

Write about your first love—whether it’s a person, place or thing.

Using 10 words, describe yourself.

What’s surprised you the most about your life or life in general?

What can you learn from your biggest mistakes?

I feel most energized when . . .

“Write a list of questions to which you urgently need answers.”

Make a list of everything that inspires you—whether books, websites, quotes, people, paintings, stores, or stars in the sky.

What’s one topic you need to learn more about to help you live a more fulfilling life? (Then, follow through and learn more about that topic.)

I feel happiest in my skin when . . .

Make a list of everything you’d like to say no to.

Make a list of everything you’d like to say yes to.

Write the words you need to hear.

Source ⚜ More: Writing Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

[atalana]

so i finally got the chance to read the book of bill! and man those journal 3 pages, i could write a million essays on those, but the principle one that i can't get out my head is the new insight on ford's whole fucked up paradigm of what love is

like, neither of the stan twins really know how to experience unconditional love, because they never really had it. their dad was constantly comparing the two of them and really just stamping down stanley's self worth at any given moment. and even for ford who was praised, he's not an idiot, he saw how stan got treated all the time, and their dad was very explicit as to why. ford's praise and attention hinged on him being the family genius who could make them all a lot of money, and he knew very well if he failed to live up to that, he would also lose his father's love

and you see this in stan in his desperate need for everyone to like him, but also how he doesn't really believe anyone ever truly could love him, so whenever he gets the chance with anyone he clings onto that relationship as tight as he can, terrified it's going to disappear at any second

ford, meanwhile. the more direct threat to him was the bullies and the people that made him feel lesser for being abnormal. and no kid likes feeling like that, we know it's a spike buried deep in his psyche, which gave him a reason for the dichotomy he ends up forming.

when he was a kid, people tended to fall into two categories - those who were really impressed with him and his potential, and those who saw him as a freak and wanted to drag him down for it. the love he got and the hate he got are directly related to both.

and as a result ford is constantly looking for people who will give him intellectual gratification (what he thinks love is), and he categorises everyone else as "unimportant obstacles in my way" (because that's how he thinks about those bullies, so their words won't hurt anymore)

stanley was the first category, until he sharply became the second

and splitting the world into those two categories makes him an absolutely horrible person! like, one hand yeah, you do have sympathy for ford bc that is straight up torture bill put him through and no one should have to experience it (and i do wanna make clear this is not a ford hate post, he does have good qualities im just interested in the bad rn)

on the other hand though, god, i'm always struck by just how hateful he is towards so many unimportant things (just one of many examples, christmas songs are fake and stupid bc rudolph didn't burn santa's workshop to the ground as revenge for ostracizing him like jesus christ dude)

or the bit where he sees one of stan's shitty product ads and considers calling him and pretending to be a cop just to scare him, because in ford's mind that's a punishment he deserves for daring to look so stupid while sharing ford's face

and it just drills in how much ford is not willing to see stan's side of this in any way, because what do you think would happen if you went through with that plan? don't you know stan's already scared enough? you saw him get kicked out, you saw the ultimatum that came with it, and hell thanks to the book of bill we know you were also scared to go home until you had something to show for it. he's trying his best, and you understood that once. but then stan throws your journal back in your face and you yell that you're giving him the chance to do the first worthwhile thing in his life.

everything he did to try and make something of himself, to try and prove himself worthy of literally any love at all, you didn't care about that. now he's in a position to help you, so of course he should just drop everything and obey your orders to the letter without question. that's the only way to redeem himself for getting in your way, why won't he take it?

by the time bill shows up ford felt fully justified in going "this isn't about me, and therefore it's stupid and unimportant and should be destroyed". and i know exactly why, it's because again you think intellectual gratification and love are the same thing and you're running low on both right now so you're trying to make up the difference by affirming how right you are in your goddamn diary, but right does not make you good or kind or wise

and that makes it kind of a self fulfilling prophecy, because loving you is hard, and the one person genuinely willing to do so unconditionally you're keeping at a very aggressive arms length. but you fall for bill so easily, because he understands how important you are, which must be love, and all of these other people worried about you just aren't smart enough to get it

and not even realising bill's lies could cure him of that one. hell, 30 years spent dimension hopping didn't cure it. when ford gets back he is still just as self righteous, and still willing to categorise dipper as "will give me intellectual gratification" and the rest of them as intrinsically less valuable

which is why dipper can't take the deal ford offered him. if he had, he would have turned out exactly like ford, stuck in his own echo chamber unable to tell the difference between love and praise

mabel says at one point in the comics that the reason the two grunkles are bad at looking after kids is because they still are kids, and that's a really accurate insight. that old wound cut so deep neither of them had the chance to actually move past their childhood, and discover what it was they were missing

stan never stopped wanting his brother back, but ford didn't realise that was what he needed too, until he saw mabel and dipper working as a team against bill. he's acknowledged his mistake in trusting bill before now, but "we used to be like that" is his first time acknowledging that his whole approach to people is wrong.

you've always had one source of unconditional love. you didn't need to be better than him to be worthy of it. and now you've got an entire new family, hopefully you'll realise that can come from multiple fronts

(and it's okay stan shall have his revenge for how you treated him by commiting just. so much tax fraud in your name)

[gonebylouist]

it's worth the pain, all this time

by @refusethyname on ao3

[ M | 48K | Harry/Louis ]

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

PART II – when the time is right “Harry, how do you love someone?” “I suppose love comes from a plethora of things, some people simply describe it as a feeling or an emotion while others experience love in every little thing their partner does. For me, just being with the other person and feeling comfortable around them can be enough to call it love. Trusting someone, for me, is a form of love, but if you’re talking about that unconditional longing, the intense emotion that could potentially overtake every single one of your senses… I cannot teach you that, but I promise you, you’ll know it when that happens.” And he had. Harry knew when he fell in love with Louis Tomlinson, the singer who had to go back to his life in England after three beautiful months together. Since then, Harry hadn't been the same. He needed finality, he needed to move on, to let go of the man who had made Harry second-guess every choice he had ever made in his life. There was only one solution to his problems, he had to say goodbye to Louis. He had to find closure, and that's why he found himself back in England...

Or the long-awaited and official epilogue to when the time is right.

[ M | 48K | Harry/Louis ]

[chaifootsteps]

that post about triangulation gave me the chills

because that's what the show has become basically since s2 started. any time a third party is brought in to judge they always come down in Stolas' favor

Loona talks to Via in Seeing Stars? she should cut her dad some slack for a repeat pattern of behavior

Blitzo has a heart to heart with Fizz in Oops about how Stolas looks down on him? Fizz immediately takes up for Stolas and even pulls the total BS 'if you judge royalty you're as bad as them' liberal line of thinking on Striker

Blitzo reads Stolas for filth? he gets an invite to Verosika's party where she nonstop empathizes with him despite Stolas talking trash about her and everyone there behind her back

and the thing is ever single time it happens the deck is blatantly stacked so Stolas can come out looking better. it's either stuff being left out or everyone involved being OOC.

Loona has no reason to think anything of Stolas outside of 'man my adoptive father is forced to sleep with so we can pay rent', yet she gives Via this speech full of platitudes about why Stolas is trying is enough (and then doesn't cut Blitzo any slack, so it's not like she's saying this because she's learnt anything about her own relationship with her father - it's just here to benefit Stolas)

When talking to Fizz Blitzo rightly notes it's a fetish to Stolas - but the writers also make him bring up a bunch of phone calls that happened totally offscreen to make Stolas look better. there's plenty of things he could tell Fizz but he's never allowed to just so the writers can make him look cynical for doubting Stolas

Verosika is the straightest example of triangulation. she's biased against Blitzo to the point she'll believe when anyone says anything about him, but the writers never allow her to find out Stolas was never 'dating' Blitzo but coercing him into sex instead. her projecting all her baggage onto Stolas is barely even mentioned in the episode as being a problem when she inserts herself into the scenario - the viewers are supposed to side with her 'it starts with saying good for him' line despite how little sense that makes. it contradicts the episode's whole thesis that it's OK for her to be mad at Blitzo for awhile - but Blitzo can't be mad Stolas went and made out with someone else right in front of him the night after he told Blitzo he supposedly cared very deeply for him

that's why this isn't just garbage but infruriating. the whole universe is distorted to favor Stolas and everyone's characterization suffers as a result because they all have to take a bunch of stupid pills in every scenario instead of talking plainly about all the shit Stolas has pulled. Loona and Fizz especially should show some care for Blitzo over Stolas, but they don't. and Blitzo is never allowed to tell anyone else just how badly Stolas screwed him over so they can keep gaslighting him that he's the problem

it's probably also why more of the audience is turning on Stolas. most people can't relate to having a hitman called on them or any of the cartoonish things Stella does

but most people sure can relate to having had an argument with an ex partner or friend and feeling like they want to scream because said partner/friend manipulates everyone around them into taking their side or pressuring them to 'own up' and 'apologize', likely in just the same ways that Stolas does

what the show is putting Blitzo through is just dehumanizing and depressing. his feelings don't matter, how he's been treated doesn't matter. because we're just supposed to accept that he's dirt not worth scraping of Stolas' bird claws, whereas Stolas is pure and good and has only made transgressions so minor they don't even warrant mentioning. and the only way the show will treat him as worthy of anything is if he gives Stolas unconditional love while getting nothing in return

You know what? I have nothing to add to this. You took every last word right out of my mouth.

[haru-dipthong]

Fansub release + Analysis of Utena Ep 18

There's a lot of ideas packed into this episode about patriarchy and what it means to become a man. This is an issue that I've personally done a lot of reflecting on, and also something I've been reading about recently with bell hooks' The Will To Change, so this episode I'll be doing a little more textual analysis than usual and comparing readings of Utena with bell hooks.

Utena: つわぶき君はよく続くなー。僕だったらあの生活三日も持たないや。 Anthy: きっと好きだからできるんですよ

Utena: I don't know how he does it. I wouldn't last three days being bossed around like that. Anthy: If you loved someone, you'd understand.

This line is soooo revealing. It really shows how Anthy thinks about love. And god, the way she says it — so condescending to Utena with the んですよ. Like “you poor naive thing who has never experienced love, I know better than you do”. It sounds very "you'll understand when you're older". And it tears me up inside to see Anthy believing that she is the one who knows better. Even Utena’s naivity is better than Anthy’s horrible warped idea of what love is. And obviously the reason Anthy essentially takes a stand behind the idea that love is unconditional servitude is because of her curse and her relationship with Akio. She is obliged to be at the beck and call of her betrothed, a position of love. And she has learnt from Akio that love is running yourself into the ground, from his time serving the people as Dios. And her relationship with Akio, a familial relationship that is traditionally one of love, is essentially slavery. What else can she do, how else can she live with herself, if not by telling herself that this is what love is meant to be?

A more literal translation of Anthy's line would be something like "I'm sure he can do it because he loves her". But her tone and phrasing in Japanese makes it clear that she's extrapolating - she's thinking that anyone in love would do the same. That's why I translated the line the way I did.

I also tried "That's just what love is" but it didn't sound condescending enough. I needed Anthy to sound like Utena's mum in this exchange, because that's how she sounds in Japanese.

大人になりたい！大人になって世界をめちゃくちゃにしてやりたい！

I want to grow up! I want to become a man so I can fuck up the world!

Oh god oh fuck. What is happening to our little Mitsuru… who could have predicted this?! Well, bell hooks did:

Boys are encouraged by patriarchal thinking to claim rage as the easiest path to manliness. It should come as no surprise, then, that beneath the surface there is a seething anger is boys, a rage waiting for the moment to be heard. The Will To Change pp. 44

In isolation they lose the sense of their value and worth. No wonder then that when they reenter a community, they bring with them killing rage as their primary defence. pp. 43

The word めちゃくちゃにする is difficult to translate. It’s a word used often in casual conversation, so it doesn’t sound very formal or proper. It kind of means “to throw into complete disorder; to make everything a complete mess”. E.g.

その地震は何もかもめちゃくちゃにした

The earthquake destroyed/smashed up everything.

In this context though, “destroy” or “smash up” doesn’t work because we’re not talking about buildings and furniture, we’re talking about “the world”. Other translations try their best to translate this line without swearing (I want to become a man and wreck the world! // I want to be an adult and just kick over the whole world! // I want to a grown up, and just… just do whatever I want with the world!). But I really don’t think it’s possible. THE translation for めちゃくちゃにする in this context is “to fuck up”.

経験を積んだ大人を倒してこそ子供は大人になる

But a kid who beats an adult… will become an adult himself!

Maybe I’m reading too much into the word 倒す here, but allow me to digress: I don’t think this translation is particularly controversial. 倒す literally does mean “beat”. But I originally had this as “defeat”, a much less violent word (also used by the one of the translations I’m using as reference). However, I think “beat” is better for several reasons.

First, 倒す is a word that comes up a lot in anime and manga targeted at the 12-16 year old boy demographic. “Beat” is similar — “can superman beat goku in a fight?” It has the same schoolyard feel to it. Using a word like this emphasises Tsuwabuki’s boyishness.

Secondly, while 倒す means “to defeat”, this meaning is actually metaphorical. Its literal meaning is “to knock down/to fell”. I’m guessing the “defeat” meaning comes from its use in boxing, where knocking someone down is equivalent to defeating them. Because of this, the original Japanese could be interpreted more literally — Tsuwabuki wants to batter an adult, he wants to prove his manhood by beating a woman, by knocking her down. I think this reading is reinforced by Tsuwabuki’s violent patriarchal outburst in the Seminarium elevator.

Another except from bell hooks’ The Will To Change (emphasis mine):

Researchers found that boys agreed that to be truly manly, they must command respect, be tough, not talk about problems, and dominate females. pp. 42

And another:

Boys who are allowed to assume the role of “mini patriarch” are often violent toward their mothers. (…) Obviously, as small boys they do not have the strength to overpower their mothers, but it is clear that they see the use of violence to get their needs met as acceptable. pp. 61-62

As always, thank you to my editor @dontbe-lasanya for their amazing editing skills! This project wouldn't be possible without you!

Remember to follow the blog if you want to stay updated with new episode releases. For all episodes released so far, go here:

Rose divider taken from this post

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

Felix Jealousy

SKZ Jealousy series pt. 6: (when they're in a serious relationship do they get jealous at all? What makes them jealous if they get jealous? How do they act in a relationship? What's their response/behavior when jealous? How do they handle it?)

Felix doesn’t get jealous he gets helpless. Like, if he sees his partner getting hit on or flirting with someone else it doesn’t invoke jealousy, it just makes him doubt his ability to be enough for them in the relationship, or even doubt their commitment to him. It just makes him lose focus on a lot of things and feel very exhausted. It’s very draining to him. And yeah his self esteem plummets a lot, though it’s probably already low. I see him as being very insecure and self critical already so that would kinda be the icing on the cake in that aspect.

I honestly think he avoids confronting it because he knows it’ll stress him out. Like he kind of just removes himself from the situation and reflects on it later to see if he was just blowing the situation out of proportion. He’s need some serious R&R after. Because it’s a hit to his pride, his self esteem, and his self worth.

He feels like he’s being taken for granted. It’s like “Why is this person entertaining others when they have me?” Type thing. But he doesn’t want to risk anything so he shuts up.

I think it’s the Libra Mercury/Venus talking. As someone who has his Venus, Mercury, and Mars I can relate to most of this in terms of mood. It probably makes him simultaneously mad and depressed. Probably cries a lot. Especially with that potential Aries moon his emotions go absolutely haywire. He probably plans out this major confrontation but never does it because he doesn’t want to rock the boat. He would with anyone else, but never his partner.

He also may feel like his partner is getting bored of him.

He’ll honestly just be suffering. Another one who could get cheated on and blame himself for it. He feels like he’s a disappointment to his partner and that’s why they’re entertaining another people. He puts himself down a lot, and again just fears that he may risk losing them if he speaks up. A lot of pain and grief here. He’d also probably experience a lot of self-pity.

Generally he may enter like a depression? Or maybe even is already depressed because like I’ve never met someone with his lineup who isn’t at least mildly so. But I dunno I’m not diagnosing shit.

Once he gets over it though…Welp.

He goes into the point of reflection. And if he realizes that…Either A, what they did is wildly disrespectful to me, B, that was basically cheating in my face, or C, this is crossing a lot of boundaries, he finally addresses it head on.

And…Well, it’s loud.

It may not start as an argument but it always ends as an argument. Because it’s blunt. It’s personal. And it’s probably right. It drives too close to home and he reads you for absolute filth, and most people can’t really handle that. So then it turns into an argument, and/or he needs to feel heard or he flies off the handle.

And he can argue. He can argue for hours, even, until the other person finally walks away from the situation or “sees reason”.

When his confidence is regained it’s boosted. Because he realizes that he’s worth more than this BS.

I also think he 100% tells everyone close to him about it. And then if it was because of actual cheating he just tells everyone about it period. Close or not, he won’t shut up about it. Because he’s very public with these matters.

He’s definitely an unconditional love type. Until you make him doubt if it should be unconditional or even love. He sees through rose colored glasses mostly, but if there’s too much eventually he snaps out of it and realizes…This is some bullshit. Everything starts adding up and the puzzle pieces start connecting. All of a sudden he’s seeing the situation for what it is.

And he drops you quick.

Cause if there’s one thing about him he’s not about to linger in an unfulfilling situation. He’s leaving, and he’s probably moving on within 10-12 business days. Not because he never loved or cared about you, but because…He moves on fast. He emotionally checks out of situations quickly. He sees past relationships fondly as something he grew from, but not fond enough that there’s this massive period of mourning it. He may vaguely miss the person occasionally, but in general he’ll be fine.

Probably the type who braces himself for these things anyways. Not in a holding back weighing on his heart way, but just in a…He knows relationships don’t always last. So while he’s in them he makes the most of every moment so he’ll never regret it once it’s gone. And it’s effective for him.

In general he’s more hurt by friendship breakups than relationship ones.

So yeah, definitely turns to his friends and probably moves onto the next fairly quickly.

If he realizes he’s right he’ll also trust himself more. And if he realizes he was wrong he’ll trust in his self worth more. Either way he’s growing from the experience.

If his partner truly hadn’t been doing anything wrong he’ll work hard to fix it, and overcome any obstacles. He’s very determined like that. And even if his partner did something wrong that could be forgiven he’d enter that state.

In general, he’s constantly growing and evolving.

Definitely a lot of inner conflict throughout all of this though. A lot of personality clashes within him. He had two very polarizing sides, which I can again relate to. They’re very different. Because inherently, he’s bold and fiery and ambitious. His rage builds rapidly but doesn’t go away so quickly. His Leo Mars is fixed. And honestly really underrated for grudge holding capability. And if he has an Aries Moon this increases things tenfold. And sure these things may be regulated by his Virgo sun, but they generally clash with his more Libran aspects.

But yeah, generally in the moment he loses faith in himself. He suppresses his feelings and blocks them off. He gets really frustrated through, and probably easy to set off because it’s simmering unresolved and bottled up, not like it’s meant to be. And there’s so, so much rage there. Like I’m talking one minor inconvenience and he’s losing his shit.

Mayhaps possibly be into like

“Jealous” intercourse

Trying to make this as clinical as possible to make this PG-13

In general gets very independent in this time. Probably shuts himself off a lot from his partner and will prefer the company of friends until things have calmed down and cooled off. Because he doesn’t want to ruin things with his potential anger.

Again, a very transformative experience.

And it also bruises his pride a lot. He’s a prideful person whether he has high self esteem or not.

Probably has a weird mix of a superiority and inferiority complex.

But yeah, definitely would use this to fuel other endeavors. He also may have a big breakthrough about the relationship as a whole during these times. In general, he’s very good at cutting to the heart of matters. And once his mind clears…

Well we’ve been over this.

[bairdthereader]

Charlie Spring, An Appreciation: Part 2, Friendship

Charlie is often described as nerdy, shy, and awkward, the dork who is lucky enough to catch the eye of the popular boy. But that characterization does Charlie a huge disservice; it overlooks the richness of his personal life and the complexity of his inner landscape.

It also ignores the fact that he has cultivated a solid and loving friend group that he cares for in so many ways, whose devotion he earns through his own dedication and fierce loyalty. He is by no means alone or isolated when he meets Nick, he is not "desperate" in the way some people (and the horrible Ben) characterize him.

Charlie's relationship with Tao is a longstanding one, but not without its challenges. Tao isn't the easiest person to be friends with, but Charlie sees through Tao's prickly defensiveness to appreciate and love the part of Tao that feels so intensely, the part that is vulnerable and lost. And he fights for that friendship again and again.

The most beautiful example of this is on the Pont de l'Archevêché when Tao confesses that he accidentally outed Charlie the year before. This could easily and justifiably end even a strong friendship. But you can see the moment that Charlie decides his relationship with Tao is more important, that it is worth all of the pain that accidental outing caused him. He forgives instantly and completely, with no lingering resentment at all. And if that wasn't heroic enough, he follows up with the most thorough reassurance speech ever given, tailored specifically to eradicate all of Tao's most deeply held insecurities. Charlie's empathy is astounding.

Elle explains to Darcy that Charlie was her friend first, followed by Tao, which tells us that Charlie's care for her began a long time ago, and that it's lasted through all the challenges she's faced during her transition. I wish there were more moments on screen where Elle and Charlie have one-on-one conversations; there are shockingly few. But the way they speak about each other when the other isn't there is just as revealing. Elle clearly loves and understands Charlie in a unique way, and she does all she can to smooth the ragged edges between him and Tao, and lovingly supports his relationship with Nick. She does this because Charlie does the same for her, and because she knows his friendship is deep and abiding and unconditional.

Though less outwardly demonstrative than his friendships with the others, Charlie is no less caring and protective of Isaac, the friend who, I think, is the mostly gently supportive of Charlie as he navigates the early stages of his relationship with Nick. Charlie is open with Isaac when he asks for advice, but doesn't pry into why Isaac is asking a question that's so out of character; he knows Isaac processes most things internally before speaking them aloud. At prom, Charlie reminds Isaac--in a moment where he clearly feels isolated and singled out--that he is important, both to Charlie personally and to their group as a whole. A quiet person like Isaac could easily end up on the fringes of a friend group, but Charlie pulls him back in.

Charlie is also more caring with Tori than I think he's given credit for (especially at this point in the timeline and without some of the supporting backstory from the later comics and other books). Even with the limited interactions we see on screen, he's always trying to include her, trying to make sure she's not alone, while still giving her the space she feels she needs. Their bond is deep and protective, and it goes both ways. Charlie may be the younger of the two, but he's taking care of her, in his own way, as much as she is of him.

Again, I could go on and on:

This idea that Charlie is the quiet, awkward wallflower just doesn't hold up when it's so clear that he's the lynchpin of his friend group. Charlie's endless capacity for loyalty, forgiveness, empathy, and inclusion make him a champion in the lives of everyone he loves.

[randomprose]

no use i just do

he may not understand it, but Sakura will always love Sasuke —for ssmonth24 day 24: confessions

Haruno Sakura loves Uchiha Sasuke. She loves him in all the ways that matter despite everything and anything. 

It’s just a fact of life—a universal truth. The sky is blue, water is wet, Naruto wants to be Hokage, and Haruno Sakura has always loved Uchiha Sasuke. 

Sakura doesn’t say it or throw around the phrase as much as she used to, but she radiates it. In every look she sends his way, in every word she speaks to him, the way her eyes always find his even in a crowded room or across a sea of people, the way she gravitates to him even without meaning to, and even the way she breathes when she’s around him. Everything about her speaks of her love for him. Her very existence itself is an expression of that unyielding and unconditional love.

To this, all Sasuke could ask is, "Still? After all this time?"

Sakura just shrugs, not even bothering to defend herself. Not like there’s anything to anyhow. Sakura has never been ashamed of her love. 

"Why?" Sasuke continues to prod, truly baffled. "There's nothing—I’m not—I’m just—” I have nothing to offer. “What do you even see in me?"

“You,” Sakura answers easily without missing a beat as if that’s enough of an explanation. “Just you.”

“And that is enough for you?”

“Well,” Sakura looks considering, hands clasped behind her and expression wholly open, always open when she’s with him. “It’s not like I didn’t try to stop. I did try to talk myself into some sense, you know?” Tried to make herself see reason and consider focusing her affections on Naruto instead—strong, dependable, steady, and safe Naruto who would never hurt or make her cry. At least not knowingly. There were other candidates too, of course. Sakura has long since passed that phase of self-doubt and insecurity, has gained confidence in herself and her skills, and knows full well of her worth. “I’m fully aware that I am a catch, Sasuke-kun. Even if you’re not aware of the fact.”

“No, I am,” Sasuke replies because he is, in fact, very aware.

“Good.”

“What happened then?” If she knows she could do better—so much better—how come it’s still him she chooses? “Why haven’t you stopped?”

“What can I say? I just couldn’t,” she shrugs again and her smile is lighthearted as she says, “Looking back, it all seems so silly. I tried to stop and I just couldn’t and after some time I just gave up trying to not love you. Sure, I hated you at times,  but that’s not the opposite of love, is it? Besides,” here her smile turns rueful, “I could never truly hate you, Sasuke-kun.” 

“Why?” he asks again, a tinge of desperation seeping at the word. How can she not hate him after everything? “How can you—What’s there to love?”

"What's not to love?” 

“Don’t answer my question with another.”

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” she retorts. “What’s there to love you ask? Everything. All of you. The good and the bad and everything in between.”

“Tch,” Sasuke shakes his head. “There really is no accounting for taste.”

“That there isn’t,” Sakura laughs, then she sighs. "It's no use, Sasuke-kun. I just love you."

It is in Sasuke’s nature as an Uchiha to self-destruct. It is also in his nature to be selfish and to take without giving, but for the life of him, Sasuke could never be selfish enough when it comes to Sakura. Because everything the Uchiha touches seems to get tainted and doomed to a life of loss, destruction, and heartache, but despite everything he has taken from her—and will continue to take from her—Sasuke cannot bring himself to damn her to a similar fate. 

“You should try again. To stop,” Sasuke says, looking at her imploringly with his mismatched eyes. "I'm broken, Sakura. Beyond repair.” He doesn’t know if he’s doing her a kindness by trying to make her see sense—because maybe she’ll listen to him if her own logic fails her—but Sasuke goes on to make his case against himself anyway. “There's no use trying to fix me. I can't be fixed."

"Is that what you think I've been trying to do all this time? Fix you?” Sakura says, throwing him a funny look before rolling her eyes. "Idiot. I've always known. Even when we were genin, I knew I couldn't fix you. That's not what I was or am trying to do. It never was."

"Then what is it that you want from me."

"Nothing! I just want to love you.” And it’s the truth too. It always was. Once she realizes what she feels for Sasuke is more than just childish infatuation and passing fancy, Sakura has never asked for anything in return for her affections. “The least you could do after everything is to let me."

Sasuke meets Sakura’s gentle gaze and considers her words. 

He supposes that, despite everything, he’s always known that it was always going to be Sakura for him, that it was always going to be them in the end, even when he didn’t allow himself to think about those things.

In the lofty years of his youth, he had often thought of returning to Konoha after settling the score with his brother and finding Sakura waiting for him. He had argued to himself that she was a logical choice and the reason his mind conjured her as a first—and only—choice was because she was his closest female companion being his teammate and somewhat friend. Not to mention, he found her the least annoying of the girls who used to fawn over him, never mind why he never questioned why he found it so.

And in the rare times that Sasuke has allowed himself to think of a future for himself after accomplishing his goals—misguided as they were—and beyond the battles and the tragedies he’s faced, it is Sakura who is a constant in those musings and the only one he sees himself with, be it settling down and continuing his other goal of restoring his clan or even just simple companionship for however long the fates shall allow Sasuke’s wretched life to go on. 

The fact of the matter is, Sasuke is to his bare bones a selfish bastard who has always thought of Sakura as his—just as much as he has always been hers as he has come to realize. 

(It does not cross his mind that Sakura is as selfish and as greedy as he is, maybe even more, in the way she loves him—how she would let Konoha burn rather than hurt him, forsake her duties if it meant she could be by his side, defend him to the death against those who speak ill of him.)

"Okay," Sasuke sighs in surrender, but it is of the sweet kind. “Okay.”

"Okay?” Sakura asks, peering up at him as if in confirmation.

"Yes."

Yes, you may love me and this time I will allow myself to be loved and reciprocate in the ways I know how. This is an act of selfishness as much as it is a kindness. For both of us. 

"Good."

The smile on her face is pleased and Sasuke lets the pleasant feeling wash over him with the knowledge that he is the cause of that.

“Sakura,” he calls to her, and her name almost sounds holy as he rolls off his tongue. Reverent like a prayer or benediction. Heavy with meaning and all the things that Sasuke cannot form the words to say.

Sasuke takes his hand and moves to close the gap between them. Sakura feels herself rooted on the spot, tensing when he steps into her space and loops his arm around her in an embrace. It takes her a second to relax and her arms to come up and wound around his waist to return the embrace. A memory comes to her unbidden and she pinches the skin on his back in warning.

"If you knock me out and leave me on some godforsaken bench again, Uchiha Sasuke, I swear to all your ancestors I will—”

Sasuke chuckles and squeezes her to him to stop her tirade.

"I already apologized for that."

“Tch.” Sakura puffs her cheeks and pouts, even as she lets him hold her against him and buries her face into his chest. "Whatever."

"I'm sorry. And thank you.” Two things that have never been easy for Uchiha Sasuke to say, but no one else has ever been more deserving to hear from him as much as Haruno Sakura. “For loving me. Even after all these years. Even when I'm—” 

"Batshit insane completely off your rockers and out of control?"

"Tch." Sasuke lightly tugs at the ends of her hair in annoyance, to which Sakura only snickers. He's trying to be sincere and maybe a little romantic here dammit and there she goes and ruins it. "So annoying."

"Ehh, you love me." She looks up at him with a teasing look and a cheeky grin before catching herself. "I mean—”

Eyes never leaving hers, Sasuke takes Sakura’s hand and puts it over his chest where his heart beats for her, hoping it’s enough for her to know even when he can’t find the words and the courage to say them yet.

I do. With all my heart and soul and everything that I am in my wretchedness, I do love you.

[queersouthasian]

Ok so, I have come across some "ok but why would Charlie risk HIS life just like that" takes, and here is this thing,

What did Charlie plan to do in the first place?

He approached babe to earn his trust so that he could warn him about tony when required while keeping track with tony's shit, and took away his powers 'cause that would divert the attention from babe, why? Charlie wanted to protect babe from being potentially R worded by a possible Enigma considering he didn't even knew who that was. He would not let an innocent person be used so mercilessly and especially a child. I believe Charlie's initial plan was not that far-fetched, but he got entranged once he fell for babe. On top of that unfortunately, his plan got outed. He, who at first just wanted to protect an innocent person from something so terrible is now protecting his lover, he would not only protect babe by becoming the target but would "kill" himself so no one can take advantage of either him or the child.

Now why so much for babe?

Charlie has been alone all his life just the way Babe was, even if Babe was physically surrounded by people, 24/7, babe was emotionally unavailable or he made himself distant because reasons, Way pretty much added onto that. Charlie just had Jeff by his side and half of his life just like jeff and babe was wasted on top of that, he was kicked out because he was not "special", I believe Charlie had always considered himself worthless 'cause he was raised under the impression that if you are not special you don't deserve a home (sold basically but whatever), while others had powers which could benefit in some way or other (like jeff's powers can be used to deflect something bad from happening, or how babe could use his powers to race or be aware of problems etc) Charlie could absorb powers, basically steal from others and knowing how he is, he most probably hated that. Do y'all remember how many times babe told him that charlie matters to him more than his powers and how his life is worth more than just what he thinks? yeah. Charlie who most definitely disliked his powers, most definitely felt worthless considering how little he thinks about himself (even before falling for babe,cause he wanted to keep Jeff out of this and wanted to do everything alone, remember?) , fell for this man who loves him for him, who loves every little bit of him, he loves his torn pieces, loves his smile, loves his aura, loves him as a person and just adores him more than anyone ever. Babe sees charlie as this adorable puppy who loves him beyond love itself and he does too. This unfiltered love is enough to make one feel that they are worth it, this unconditional adoration makes Charlie feel full, finally loved and seen, finally understood. So he thinks a person who loves him so much deserves a life way better than this, babe deserves to wake up without the fear of someone hunting him down, without the knowledge that someone is planning to brutally hurt him, he deserves a better life. Maybe Charlie thinks Babe would find 1000 different Charlies cause he is so ordinary, so simple, but he would not find another pit babe. And he would do anything to give babe the life he deserves, he knows his death is going to ultimately stop tony and babe would get his powers back without anyone realising, and that's his ver. of perfect ending.

But babe actually will never find another Charlie. Someone who sees him beyond the "king of hallows", beyond the tough exterior he puts up, someone who would hold him, kiss him, love him to this extent. Charlie doesn't realise that maybe he is ordinary for others but not for babe, he is beyond special for him, beyond the title of just a lover for him.

[inamindfarfaraway]

It's so cool that the Viren-Claudia-Callum foil triangle each have a different approach to the "I would do anything for you" sentiment that they all define themselves by.

Pre-coma Viren doesn't fully mean it even when he believes he does. He says that his loyalty is to the best interests of his family and humanity, but as K'ppar points out in his dream, he keeps putting his own ambition and self-importance before anything else. He doesn't consider sacrificing his life for Harrow until Harrow brings it up. Even after that, he never once thinks of giving up the dragon prince's egg; the belief that the prince was killed is part of the reason the assassins are here and returning him to them might appease them, might at least make them spare Harrow's son, which the man Viren loves as a brother would obviously want. He orders Soren to kill the princes to guarantee Viren the throne. He orders Claudia to save the egg instead of Soren if she had to choose. Harrow, Ezran, Callum and his own child are not worth losing the power of Zym to his enemies for. He isn't willing to sacrifice his power or vision, his selfish interests, but is instead willing to sacrifice the people he loves, which is why he's evil. The promise is conditional. But what lets him redeem himself is that the love at the base of it really is unconditional. He still loves Harrow and genuinely expresses this in his dream, overwhelmed with relief when he appears to be alive. He still loves his children, even after all the horrible things he does to them and the lack of remorse he shows for those actions until his death. The coma reminds him of that enduring love, and makes him reevaluate how he dismissed it.

Claudia is the opposite. When she says she'll do anything for someone, she means it with everything she has. Herself, her moral integrity, other people's lives, the fate of the world - nothing is more important to her than her perceived responsibility to her loved ones. Including what her loved ones themselves want. But she can also change her mind about who she loves, at least enough to see them as against her rather than with her. Callum is her friend, until he isn't. Soren is her family, until he isn't and only Viren is worth protecting. Like her father’s did before her, her value of Soren’s wellbeing has been slipping from “That’s all that matters” to “That doesn’t matter!” People can be disqualified by opposing her desires and ideology. The promise is unconditional, but the love isn't.

And then you have Callum, who seems to have the best approach of the three. He means his promise when he says it and will never rescind it later on. His devotion is both absolute and everlasting. He will do anything for Ezran and Rayla, putting them before his own interests; and he would never consider them expendable. That's great! After all, having conditions of worth in relationships they don't belong in is bad. It leads to Viren and Claudia hurting, manipulating and betraying their family and friends, and such behaviour feels viscerally wrong. They're traitors. They're abusers. Those are serious crimes. Those labels are grievous insults meaning ‘Bad Person’. But unlike both Viren and Claudia, Callum doesn't have the arrogant belief that he always know best to warp his love into something self-serving. His genuine selflessness prevents him from ever becoming that kind of person. He does cut ties with Claudia, but only after she proves to be untrustworthy and have enduring harmful intent toward him, his brother and Rayla, so it's a perfectly reasonable boundary to set. His version of "I would do anything for you" just makes him caring and heroic. Right?

Until you realize that technically, if he had to kill everyone else on the continent in order to save Ezran and Rayla, all evidence from canon suggests that he would.

[bullet-prooflove]

Families: Sean Archer x Reader

Tagging: @kmc1989 @emilyjr @toasted-stiletto @icefrye19 @to-grow-in-and-to-love

You’ve never believed in love before Sean.

You’d grown up with parents who married each other due to status, who adopted you for similar reasons. You hadn’t understood what a real family was until you started working at Firehouse 51 and then everything just clicked into place.

The difference between your two families is startling. Everyone at the firehouse is warm, welcoming. They’d accepted Sean from the moment they met him, regaling him with tales of your antics, inviting him to events, they went out of their way to make him feeling included.

You’ve just had dinner with your parents for the first time as a couple and they’d taken one look at the man you loved and decided he was your latest rebellion.

“I’ll walk you home and then spend the night at my place.” Sean says finally, his mouth fixed into a grim line as he tucks his hands into his pockets. “I have an early session in the morning.”

You stop then and it takes Sean a second to realise you’ve fallen out of step. He tilts his head to face you, his eyebrows furrowing into a frown.

“Roxie?” He questions.

You know where this is coming from, his sudden distance. Your parents had been relentless tonight, questioning Sean when he politely refused the wine. He’d been up front with them about his past, his sobriety, the steps he’s taken to get to where he is today.

Your mother she had simply sighed before telling you that her friend’s son, Derek, the banker had been asking after you again. You’d seen the expression on Sean’s face when she’d said those words. He’d known immediately that she was telling him he wasn’t good enough for their daughter, that you had more lucrative options.

“Sean.” You say softly as you clasp both of his hands in yours. “My parents, they’re assholes.”

 “I don’t want to be the reason you fall out with them.” Sean says softly as he meets your gaze.

The thing about your mother is that when she sees a weakness, she exploits it. It’s obvious to you that she sensed a dent in Sean’s armour, that sometimes he questions his self-worth and that’s where she decided to slid the dagger. It’s been a slow bleed since then, each doubt a bloody droplet he leaves on the path behind him.

“Sean.” You say firmly, squeezing his fingers. “My mother didn’t speak to me for a year when I became a firefighter because she thought that working a ‘blue collar’ job was my way of punishing her and my father thought it was a rather novel choice for a woman. They assumed I would get it out of my system.”

It’s been over a decade now and you’re still fighting fires in 51. You received a medal last year for your bravery in the field and neither parent had bothered to turn up to the ceremony. Sean had. You’d barely been together a couple of months but he’d shown up for you, he’d brought flowers and taken you out to dinner afterwards. He’d told anyone who would listen how proud he was of his girl.

“You are everything I deserve.” You promise him raising up on tiptoes and pressing your lips to his. “You’ve shown me that love is unconditional, that it’s something that can be given freely, that it doesn’t come with caveats. You don’t realise how important that is to me. All my life I’ve been told how act, how to feel, how to live and then I met you and you just accept me for me, you don’t want anything more than that.”

You think it’s then, that he sees the reality of what your family has done to you. You are one of the strongest people he knows but you’ve always been starved of affection. It’s why he’s so liberal with it. It’s something you can never ask for but something he will always give.

“I just want you.” He tells you as he wraps his arms around you, drawing you into the warm, comforting shelter of his body. “I will only ever want you.”

Love Sean? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[theerurishipper]

Also, Adrien's arc isn't about learning to stand up for himself because he is too weak and pathetic to do so like some people claim. It is about him learning he is allowed to after a lifetime of believing he is only worth something if he tries to please everyone and that he has to earn his father's love. It is about learning that he deserves more than that and that he doesn't have to put up with him. It isn't about standing up to him, it is about breaking away from him entirely. Because as long as Adrien is under that roof, Gabriel has all the power. His arc isn't about learning to be brave enough to face Gabriel, it's about finding his self-worth and realizing that he deserves to. Adrien is perfectly capable of standing up for himself. Because trust me, the boy who throws himself in danger on the daily to protect the city from a terrorist has no shortage of bravery. It's why I don't use the words "stand up for himself" very often while talking about Adrien, because that's not his arc.

We see what happens when Adrien tries to rebel. Gabriel always punishes him or gaslights him into staying and believing it's his fault. Adrien doesn't make excuses for Gabriel because he's a doormat, it's because he loves him. Adrien has always stood up to Gabriel. But he stays because he ultimately believes that his father is right (because Gabriel is a manipulative piece of shit and an authority figure over him) and because he loves him and wants to believe the best of him. His story is about finding true connections and relationships with other and learning that he deserves unconditional love, and realizing that his father is a bad person. "Standing up to Gabriel" will do jack shit for him. He's seen first-hand plenty of times what that does. Removing himself entirely from that situation is what he needs. And he can only do that if he realizes he as a person deserves to do so. He stays under Gabriel because he loves him and believes that he is only worth as much as he is able to please Gabriel, which is why he doesn't constantly fight against Gabriel's control. Again, his arc isn't about "growing a spine" or whatever deranged victim blamey shit some people come up with, it's about realizing that Gabriel is full of shit and is completely wrong about what he says to him and how he treats him, realizing that he doesn't have to stay, and finally breaking away from him entirely because he's realized his own worth is and what real love is like, and so now he knows he deserves better.

It's not about learning how to stand up for himself, it's about realizing he can. It's not about "learning to fight back instead of taking the poor treatment" or whatever, it's about realizing that he's been treated poorly. Again, Adrien doesn't not "fight back" because he's a coward, he doesn't fight back because Gabriel is manipulative, and Adrien believes him because he loves him and because he's been conditioned to be subservient to his father his whole life. Once more, his arc is not about "growing a backbone" or whatever, it's about him realizing who his father really is and breaking free. There is a fundamental misconception in this fandom about what "asserting himself" and "standing up for himself" means for Adrien. It doesn't mean that he should become braver and "less passive" or something. He's already brave enough to assert himself and his self-worth, but what he needs to do is to find that self-worth which Gabriel has chipped away from him his whole life. He's brave enough to protest cruel treatment already, but what he needs to learn is that he is being treated cruelly. He needs to learn what unconditional love truly is and that his father loving him doesn't excuse him. "Standing up for himself" is about recognizing and asserting his right to be treated properly, not about becoming brave and confrontational and "not passive" enough to do that. "Standing up" isn't about him learning how to stand up for himself, it's about him learning that he deserves to. That is what him standing up to Gabriel leads to. Not him becoming braver and being able to do it, but him gaining his self-worth and autonomy and allowing himself to do it. That's what the significance of the moment is (or should have been since it didn't happen, fuck you Season 5).

[mytalemyworld]

A little ranting and some of my thoughts about Yabani Episode 31...

Since finally I have time, I'm going to get some things off my chest. It'll be a long post, so here we go.

After having seen the writing of episode 28, I said to myself I shouldn't expect anything from this show, especially with the rating pressure it wouldn't get any better. Because the writers show they aren't competent enough to deal with that. I also said as long as it didn't affect my couple, I could ignore the rest and skip the other parts.

However I learned my lesson, if the show is going downhill, probably your couple is not safe either.

In some parts of ep 31 I rolled my eyes, in some parts I didn't understand the motives of some characters. They were trying so hard but it was neither logical nor touching. Especially some lines and some scenes didn't make any sense.

A conflict was needed between Alaz and Yaman, I can see that and of course it would be delicious if it was written well. So no problem for me. But what's this nonsense, excuse me? Serhan may be cruel, evil and a bastard, (and that's why Alaz still doesn't talk to him or expect anything from him and he's okay with going like this) however wanting your father out of your life is one thing, being okay with him dying is another thing.

Alaz: He's my dad, unfortunately and I can't change that, Mom. But is this what he should get in return? Did he deserve this? What are we supposed to do? Should we be happy? What do you want to hear from us?

I mean, if we're talking about the worst traumas, then Elif should get her punishment too, because the girl literally tortured Yaman & Asi and Alaz even though it was for "the greater good".

And these people who went to the hospital to be by their side, to give them comfort and support acted like Soysalan siblings shouldn't get angry because their father was a bad person. Then Yaman got involed in their argument and asked Alaz what his problem was.

I mean, what? How did all of these make sense? This was just plain stupid.

Poor girl found herself in the middle of their conflict.

I knew he wouldn't listen to reason. Not even Asi could calm him down, I was expecting this and wrote it before. He already fought his mom and his brother so when he came to the worst conclusion I didn't think it was out of character.

Alaz: So you're on his (Yaman's) side.

I could have understood this as well. Because even back then, while they were waiting for any good news about Çağla, Asi's first instinct was to prevent him from blaming himself although he was a bad brother to his twin sister. So I guessed he waited to see an unconditional support again, like her getting angry like himself and stopping the other people, not the other way around.

She actually wasn't on Yaman's side but he misunderstood her words.

So, yeah, even though he was acting irrational, I could understand that.

However this…was truly unacceptable.

I think there's a line that shouldn't be crossed while trying to prove you're right about something, especially the other party is someone you deeply care about.

To me, no matter how much angry he was, he would never say that line. Especially after Zafer plot. This guy was ready to die and kill for her, cared about her traumas and pain. You may say he was also behaving like this towards his twin at the beginning of the series, so he can do anything but I beg to differ. First of all I hated him for that matter as well and that happened at the beginning, a very long time ago. He's been through a lot. If he continues acting like he has no empathy, why are we watching this show?

And I know Asi didn't have bad intentions but in order to make him to say those words, they wrote illogical lines for her too.

So why did they write it anyway? Maybe it was for this scene to happen:

To show that she is compassionate and loves him so much despite how much he's fucked up.

Was it worth it? No. Because we already know that.

I think the director couldn't get rid of that line because of the messaging scene, however he could have shown Alaz regretted it later. But he did not.

So some directing and writing choices were really unnecessesary and disappointing.

You can especially tell this is true because after the hospital scene, Yaman said to Alaz how he wished he could have changed everything. I mean, from the beginning he could have seen what Alaz needed but no, he waited for an hour because the show should last 120 minutes.

What did the show benefit from this? Nothing. I mean, if it happened after he had learnt the truth, we could have said he did it because he tried to make her break up with him. But they didn't choose that way.

There were many good scenes but the rooftop scene literally killed my desire to talk about them.

Like this is probably one of my favorite scenes in the whole series.

Alaz: I hate being your son. You're like a nightmare. One can't get rid of you. No matter what I do, you somehow ruin my life again. I'm tired of listening you, your making up excuses, blaming others. I went crazy thinking that something would happen to you today. I forgot all of your crap. I said he was my father no matter what. I forgot everything you did. Don't worry, I will keep silent, I will stomach it again, because I have to. I have to because of your health state, because of your daughter who is scared that something may happen to you, because of Ece. I have to because I have no choice. But you know what the most painful thing is? I will never be able to look at Yaman's face again. I know you won't like hearing this but I really loved being Yaman's brother. But as usual you forcefully took away another thing I love from me. How can I look at my mom's face now? How can I look at Asi's face now? Serhan: If you keep talking like this to me, it will be my face you can never look at. Son- Alaz: Son…Yes, I am your son. This is what's the worst. I am the devil's son. This is my curse. You took away my last hope that I could be a good person. Endless thanks to you.

And this was good too.

Because you can literally pinpoint the moment he started dying inside. For the first time he wanted her to let him go and she said she couldn't do that.

He was always the one who couldn't let her go but this time she said his trademark lines. *fml*

The whole scene was written just like how I imagined. This was not ooc either. But it could have been more impactful if the rooftop scene hadn't happened.

I don't have any expectations right now, if they give me more beautiful scenes that make it look like they were in a delirious state while writing that scene I can try to forget it. However the first 30 episodes will always have a different place in my heart.

[gonebylouist]

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when the time is right (series)

[ Harry/Louis | 194K | E | 💋 ]

The cabin fic where falling in love underneath the northern lights only leads to heartbreak.

refusethyname on Ao3 | © 2021

Twitter (Fic) | Tumblr | Bluesky | Ao3

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Smut 💋 | No Smut 🩷

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when the time is right

[ Harry/Louis | 146K | E | 💋 | Fic Post ]

“Do you live in the cabin by yourself?” Louis then decided to ask.

“I do, well sort of, I have a cat.

“A cat?” Louis then asked and Harry nodded happily.

“She’s a precious thing, but she always leaves me for this one customer who is staying at one of the cabins. His name is Tomlin-something, I can’t really recall,” Harry said, causing Louis to chuckle this time. The singer shook his head at Harry’s comment and smiled brightly at him. Harry was truly something else and Louis’ heart fluttered.

“He sounds like an absolute arse if he steals your cat,” Louis chuckled and Harry shook his head at that. “On the contrary, he is extremely thoughtful, didn’t even mind it too much when I spilled my hot tea over him, how is your stomach by the way?” Harry then asked.

“If this is your way of trying to get me to undress again,” Louis joked and Harry’s cheeks grew bright red. The younger man started stammering some incoherent things and quickly averted his gaze, which Louis thought was absolutely adorable.

Or the cabin fic where falling in love underneath the northern lights only leads to heartbreak.

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it's worth the pain, all this time

[ Harry/Louis | 48K | M | 🩷 | Fic Post ]

“Harry, how do you love someone?”

“I suppose love comes from a plethora of things, some people simply describe it as a feeling or an emotion while others experience love in every little thing their partner does. For me, just being with the other person and feeling comfortable around them can be enough to call it love. Trusting someone, for me, is a form of love, but if you’re talking about that unconditional longing, the intense emotion that could potentially overtake every single one of your senses… I cannot teach you that, but I promise you, you’ll know it when that happens.”

And he had. Harry knew when he fell in love with Louis Tomlinson, the singer who had to go back to his life in England after three beautiful months together. Since then, Harry hadn't been the same. He needed finality, he needed to move on, to let go of the man who had made Harry second-guess every choice he had ever made in his life. There was only one solution to his problems, he had to say goodbye to Louis. He had to find closure, and that's why he found himself back in England...

Or the long-awaited and official epilogue to when the time is right.