#why can i not be worth enough to people for unconditional love

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

For a show whose main focus is the romance, to the detriment of so may other plotlines and character beats, the main couple is astonishingly weak. Even if you remove the lies and all the toxic and unhealthy behaviour, it's still too weak to really carry the show because it's missing some fundamental aspects of romance writing.

A lot of it comes from the show's refusal to engage with Adrien as a character in his own right rather than simply Marinette's trophy. A trophy boyfriend can work for the last five minutes of a film where they kiss and it's implied they go on to have a relationship. It's not enough when you have to actually portray the relationship in a meaningful way, and especially when it's the main relationship the show focuses on.

The most obvious way it manifests is that I honestly have no idea why Adrientte is even together. Not in the sense of "the relationship is unhealthy and they should break up" (although that's certainly true), but in the sense of "what does Adrien see in Marinette?". What trait about her specifically he finds appealing? What caused him to see her in a romantic lie when he was perfectly fine with them being platonic friends (I know the show said the statue scene but, how? What about it changed his mind? Why did it take more than a season to affect his perception of Marinette? Give me details show)? Why is the relationship so important to him?

Right now it reads as if he wants to be in a relationship with Marinette because he needs a relationship to define himself by and his relationship with his father no longer fulfilled that role, and that the reason he stays with her is because he has abandonment issues, is freshly an orphan grieving his father (and his mother considering she died a bit more than a year ago, but the show forgot that) and doesn't really have a meaningful relationship with a peer other than Marinette, so he clings on to her because she's the only thing he has and he can't cope with losing more people.

Which is a really fun premise for an angsty character exploration fanfic (or even a deconstructive story intended for a more mature audience), but is hardly what you want for a children's rom-com main couple.

Another aspect that's missing is the question of "what do they bring into each other's life that was missing before?". That answer to that is really important for selling the couple to the auidence and saying why they should be together other than idk destiny says so or whatever.

I'm not even sure they have a good answer for that on Marinette's side, let alone on Adrien's. I mean, why Marinette wants to be with Adrien is obvious considering her massive crush, his unconditional support of her (even when he really should be holding her accountable for stuff) and that he's a free therapist she can have meetings with whenever. However, if they broke up and she went on to date someone else like Luka, would this be meaningfully different? Why is Adrien specifically the person she should be with? How does his unique personality changes her life for the better?

Adrien's side is slightly better considering there are moments like Marinette trying to help Adrien find his passion, but they're one off moments rather than her consistently encouraging in him character traits he needs to develop. And of course that's only if you don't consider the Big Lie, or all the other ways in which Marinette is a bad girlfriend and encourages bad traits in Adrien (like how Adrien apologized for Marinette skipping out on him and she didn't say anything about him not needing to apologize). As things stand right now in canon, Adrien is actively worse off for having Marinette in his life. That's really not something you want for your main couple unless you're writing dark romance and sometimes not even then.

For as much as they dragged out the love square and dangled it like a prize, they sure aren't putting the effort to make the relationship feel worth it.

I agree on all accounts. The longer the show has gone on, the weaker the love square feels. The writers are so focused on dragging the show out for as long as they can that they've become allergic to giving the relationship the depth it needs since deep relationships require the characters to do things like trust each other and communicate openly. That would break the "Adrien and Marinette must have a secret" rule so instead we get a couple that we're expected to ship because canon says to ship them and not because they're particularly shipable. I'm happy to blindly ship at the start of a story, but I won't play along forever. You do have to eventually sell me on the couple. If you don't do that, I will eventually lose interest.

I've mentioned the podcast/youtube channel Unresolved Textual Tension on here before and one of the hosts made a great point about a common problem with romance writing that I'm going to paraphrase here:

So many writers come to a story already shipping the couple that they forget that they need to make the audience ship the couple, too.

I thought that was a great summary of the issue which is certainly not unique to Miraculous. It's not even unique to shipping! I can think of a lot of stories where the author clearly loves the characters and their relationships, but they never sell those characters and relationships to the audience, so the story falls apart for anyone who wants a story that welcomes you in and makes you fall in love with it.

That ability to bring the audience into your world is a really underrated skill that takes a lot of effort! When I'm writing a story, I'm constantly reminding myself of what the audience knows vs what the characters know and trying to balance those things so that I can really sell the story to the audience. It's part of why I love writing "slow burn" stories. I want the audience to fall in love with my couple and what better way to do that then to let them fall in love, too?

Of course, not everyone is wired that way. There are plenty of people out there who are happy to ship whoever the author tells them to ship no matter how toxic the couple is. There's nothing wrong with enjoying that in fiction, but it's not what I enjoy which is why I'm very done with Miraculous.

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

[vivievienne]

A HYMN FOR THE HOLLOW GOD . . . . 祁煜 ☆ he begged for her love and bled for her silence.

DΞVФΓIФИ ─── God loves you, but not enough to save you.

ωα𝗋𐓣𝗂𐓣𝗀𝗌: religious trauma , priest!rafayel , implied murderer , deity!mc , mc uses she/her , hemolacria , blood , 932

a/n: I SAW THIS RAFAYEL AU AND OH MY GOD I COULDNT HELP MYSELF. God, forgive me please, but I just had to. I made it in like two days??? but hell yeah it was worth it. anyway UUHH IM GONNA DIEEE

part 1 / part 2

"Let us pray," he said, raising his hands upward. "Most Magnificent, You, before whose beauty the stars fade and the seas are torn in two so that You can pass through them - we ask You to deign to hear our humble requests and supplications. Make Your people grow in love together with all the saints who have pleased You throughout the ages."

Saying this, he looked towards the altar, where the image of the Most Holy One was.

The Divinity.

Their Divinity.

His Divinity.

The Divinity he venerated above all others.

They began to sing. The sounds of the songs began to fill the Temple, where in a flash the voices of the choir spread, where the altos and sopranos began to worship their Saviour in perfect harmony accompanied by the organ, whose pipes were able to produce such tones that the floor could shake under the influence of the sublimity of this event.

She was so beautiful.

Rafayel always looked at Her with admiration. She walked this earth just as he did now. Improbable. Someone as extraordinary as She was once like him.

That is why every time he read the Holy Book, he could not believe that She never wanted applause, that She did not want to be recognized, that She was able to endure all tortures just to save them.

Magnificent.

"May the Most Sacred Heart of Our Saviour always bless us."

He always, but always, uttered every word with a serious and dignified tone that made those gathered in the Temple look with interest at the young priest, who was looking at the Deity with delight, as he walked away from the altar.

Then, there was his favourite moment during the day.

It was when he returned to his small room to rest after a hard day. He sat down at the desk where the Holy Book was. He didn't remember how many times he had read It. Certainly a lot. However, he couldn't help the fact that this story affected him the same way every time. He couldn't help the fact that His Deity lived among them and it seemed so unreal, so surreal to him, and at the same time he was so happy that it had really happened. He was glad that She was among them, that She watched over them, that She loved them.

However, man is a proud being, no matter how wonderful His Creator is.

And Rafayel wanted Her to notice him, for Her to look at him and tell him that She saw how devoted he was to Her.

Because Rafayel loved His Divinity.

He loved Y/N.

He was faithful to Her, obedient. If She told him to jump into the fire — he would do it.

Let Her just look at him.

But Rafayel knew.

He was nothing.

One of the many sheep of Her flock.

Her miserable prodigal son.

A weed in Her field.

Everything Rafayel did not want to be, and yet he knew he would never be more.

But his faith, that unconditional love that he gave Her...

He didn't want too much, did he?

He did everything for Her. He honoured Her more than those... 'followers'.

Rafayel hated that name.

They 'follow'... But they don't believe.

No one believes in Her Majesty like he does.

You can profess anything: a view, love, a mystery, but not religion - you have to believe in it, blindly follow its rules and trust it, recognize it as truth and the highest value. You have to live religion, not just breathe it.

That's why Rafael believed that these 'followers' would never get what they wanted.

They leave the Temple and sin. They are so proud. They think that She will forgive them everything.

And it hurts Rafayel.

It hurt him that She loved him as much as others, even though he trusted Her completely and believed in Her with all his heart.

It was so unfair.

"I beg you... Most Beloved... Be merciful to me", he said through tears. "Me, a sinful thief, unworthy of Your gaze. Have mercy on me... Have mercy on Your worthless servant", he remembered that he always put his hands to the cheeks of the cold stone covered with a white veil, in which the bust of His Deity was carved.

It was so unfair.

He always judged those who in any way opposed the Most Holy Commandments.

After all, salvation did not await them anyway, right?

They violated the Holy Law, for which they must be punished.

Even if they pay the highest price for it.

It was so unfair.

"I have sinned," he confessed before the stone image of His Savior. "I have sinned against You, Most Holy. Forgive me. I beg You. Or take my eyes so that I may not suffer, looking upon those who are unworthy of Your Grace."

He was covered in the blood of that wicked man who had defied His Divinity. Scarlet tears flowed from his eyes, leaving red streaks on his pale cheeks. He held a rosary in his hand, and his stained hands touched her cheeks, leaving crimson streaks.

"Forgive me, Most Holy."

His voice began to tremble as the words left his lips.

"I beg You, forgive me."

And his lips joined the cold stone, leaving a ruby ​​mark on them.

"I will do anything to be closer to You," he whispered. "Just ask, tell me whatever You desire. I will be Your boundlessly devoted servant. Just please, give me a sign."

"I will prove it to You. I swear it. I will prove it."

[justnatoka]

Hiiii! Could you write some like basic relationship headcannons for Bo and/or Vincent? I’m curious about your interpretation of them

How they behave in a relationship

House of Wax headcanons

A/n: Thank you for asking, anon! I really like doing some relationship headcanons when I get into writing for a new fandom (did the same with The Lost Boys), because it makes me think about how I want to write these characters and their dynamics in the future. So it's basically a good base understanding of the characters and how they behave. This definitely turned out longer than I anticipated! Guess I had a lot of thoughts. I also added some for Lester as a little extra! Hope you enjoy!

Warning: obsessive and possessive behaviour

Bo

So we all know that Bo has issues, which would definitely lead to some bumps in the development of your relationship.

The whole concept of unconditional love is probably foreign for him, given his relationship with his parents as a child and the lack of proper affection he received from them. And the man also has a problem with trusting people.

So of course he has a hard time believing you at first when you say you have feelings for him. It would also take him a long time to realize what he was feeling for you.

He would get jealous when you spent time with his brothers, not completely understanding why he was so frustrated, and of course he would lash out. You had no idea why he would suddenly go into these foul moods and sulk the rest of the day. It’s enlightening for both of you when you finally figure out that he was jealous, and why exactly he was feeling that way. After that, you make it your mission to show him as much affection as he allowed to reassure him that he’s important for you and is not in any way less than his brothers in your eyes, even if he was that way in their mother’s eyes.

I cannot emphasize enough how emotionally constipated this man is. Sure, flirting and working his charm on people is one thing, but emotional vulnerability is a whole other universe.

Even after he would start to slowly open up to you, he would get scared that you would leave him. For a while he doesn’t trust you to actually stay because life was so cruel to him before.

Like one day it would feel like you’re finally getting somewhere with him, and the next he’s cold and distant again because he feels like if he lets this go any further he would just get hurt.

It’s hard work to get this man to open up to you and it would get immensely frustrating sometimes when he would close down again, but the end result is absolutely worth it.

Because I headcanon that Bo would be soft on his partner. Once you get this man to trust you and open up to you, it’s all over, he’s gone for you and he never lets you go. Of course he would still be a teasing bastard who can be mean sometimes, that’s just his nature and you love him for it. But he would never intentionally hurt you.

Given his hot headed and aggressive personality, there are times when he says stuff in the heat of the moment that he doesn’t mean and hurts your feeling without meaning to. For the most part you know how to deal with him when he gets like this, but sometimes he says something that cuts too deep.

He would always come to apologize all embarrassed. Or he would leave you small gift as an apology.

Now, he wouldn’t be soft in front of his brothers or be very obvious about it. In his words “He’s not doin’ all that sappy shit”. Rather, he would show his affection for you in little ways, and only when the two of you are alone. Like when you would patch him up after a victim gave him a hard time or in the morning after you guys just woke up. Those lingering touches, soft eyes and gentle kisses were only for you to witness.

However, even if he’s soft on you, he’s still who he is. Meaning, Bo is very obsessive and possessive when it comes to you. When he finally feels secure in your relationship he won’t get jealous when you spend time with his brothers, but he would still feel the need to make his claim over you obvious. He would leave hickeys on your neck or walk in when you were talking to one of his brothers only to pull you into his lap, his grip on your thigh hard to ignore. You would just roll your eyes good naturedly.

He also likes to show you off when there are visitors in Ambrose, introducing you as his pretty partner. But god forbid a guy stares for too long or tries anything with you. They would die a slow and painful death.

He likes to involve you in their business, mostly as distraction and keeping up the façade. He wouldn’t be against involving you in the actual killing if you show interest, but he wouldn’t push it either. Playing your part in front of the potential victims and helping the boys with traps and stuff is one thing, putting you in the line of fire is another.

He’s VERY protective. And of course it comes out of him in a violent way. Anyone looks at you longer than he likes? They’re dead. Anyone lays a finger on you? They’re dead. Someone actually dares to hurt you in any way? They’re absolutely butchered. You don’t have to like his way of dealing with things, but you learned to accept it.

His way of showing his love can also be rough. Think bruises on your skin from his grip, passionate kisses with a lot of possessiveness and lip biting, shoving you into various surfaces during your makeout sessions. Think lots of teasing and denying you what you want. But you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Bo’s wild nature in very enticing and frankly addicting. Even if his flames burn you sometimes, he always makes sure to show you how much you mean to him. He’s not a talking-about-feelings guy, he doesn’t know how to adequately articulate what he’s feeling most of the time. But he will sure as hell show you through his actions.

Vincent

Let’s start with something everyone in the fandom agrees with. You would have to make sure Vinny takes care of himself. We all know he has a tendency to get so immersed in his work he forgets everything else.

So you bring him food to the basement, convince him to take showers etc. If you’re feeling sneaky, you can also ask for his help with something to get him out of the basement every once in a while, because he simply can’t say no to you.

Just like Bo, he probably also has some obsessive and possessive tendencies, but he shows them in a less violent way.

Example #1: hovering

Whenever he’s not utterly immersed in his work, he will follow you around and hover. You’re talking to one of his brothers? He’s right behind you listening. You’re cooking in the kitchen? He’s watching over your shoulder.

It can be sweet (he just wants to spend all his time with you) or it can be overbearing (he’s literally always there, breathing down your neck). It probably depends on the situation and also your interpretation.

Example #2: tons of art he secretly or not so secretly makes of you

This is another one where it can be interpreted in two ways. It can be endearing to see that he loves you so much and is so enamored by your looks that he would want to capture every little moment with you. He would do tiny sketches of you all the time, whether you’re spending some quiet quality time together, or maybe he walks into a room you’re in and the lighting is just right and you look so beautiful in that pose that he has to secretly draw it.

Or it can be overwhelming when you discover piles upon piles of sketchbooks all filled to the brim with drawings and paintings of you. (But I know which interpretation all of you would rather choose;))

I think he likes to see you interacting with his brothers, because it means you’re comfortable with them so it’s less likely that you would leave him. It’s probably something that he would be worried about at the beginning of your relationship, even more so depending on how exactly you ended up in Ambrose. He would be anxious about how you got along with Bo especially, given his temperament. But the more time you spent with them and the closer you got with them that anxiety would slowly dissipate.

Also, he wouldn’t hesitate to protect you from Bo’s anger if something you did irritated him. He would silently stand between you and Bo, shielding you with his body or he would even drag his brother out of the room if that’s what was needed in that situation.

I think his love language would be quality time. He loves those quiet moments you spend together when he would be sculpting something small (maybe another animal figure to your growing collection) or sketching you sitting there next to him, while you read or do some art as well.

He treasures everything you make him, be it a painting, a drawing or even some small and simple wax figure he showed you how to make. Even if you’re not very good at art, he would still keep every little thing and decorate his workshop or his room with them.

Another way he shows his affection is small physical touches. He likes holding hands or have your legs in his lap when you’re hanging out and sketching, he gives you hugs from behind and rests his chin on your shoulder when you’re making breakfast, and he definitely likes snuggling in bed. Good luck trying to get up and start your day when he’s in the mood to cuddle!

When it comes to things like kissing, he’s very shy at first, but he becomes braver as your relationship develops. He’s not really big on long makeout sessions, but he likes to give you smaller kisses on your cheek and hands. When he does kiss you on the lips, I think he either prefers it gentle and sweet or slow and deep with a hint of possessiveness.

A big reason why it takes him some time to build up your relationship to kissing is obviously his mask. He likes it when you pepper small kisses on his face over the mask, but it was hard work to gain his trust enough for him to take it off in front of you. He would be incredibly anxious about what you would think of him, how your opinion of him would change once he showed you his face. So when he eventually takes it off and all he receives is love and support, he knows he will never let you go and will do everything in his power to protect you.

Just like Bo, he wouldn’t hesitate to hurt someone if they hurt you. When visitors come to Ambrose he probably insists that you stay down in the basement and don’t come up until he comes to get you. But also just in case he would leave a knife with you (he most likely carved the hilt himself just for you). I think unlike Bo, Vincent would want you to stay out of the whole killing business as much as possible.

If the situation got out of hand and you got caught in the crossfire, his one and only focus would be to keep you safe. And once he made sure that you’re okay and far enough from danger he would viciously hunt down whoever dared to lay a finger on you. They wouldn’t become part of their gallery, their body wouldn’t be in a presentable state by the time he was done with them.

Lester

He treats you like you’re the most precious thing in the world (and for him, you probably are), but he’s also a cheeky little bastard.

Loves to make suggestive jokes or complimenting you, basically anything to make you blush in embarrassment. It’s his favourite sight, your rosy cheeks, and you can bet that he will have a little self-satisfied smile on his face every time.

He’s VERY handsy. He just loves touching you any chance he gets. He has a hand on your thigh whenever and wherever you’re sitting next to him, be it his truck, the couch, even under the dining table. He also likes holding your hand, playing with your hair (if you have longer hair he definitely learns how to braid it), having his arm around your waist when you’re talking to visitors. And he’s not above getting handsy when other people are around, his touch wandering to places that make you squirm.

And the kisses. He loves kissing you. From little pecks all over your face to sweet and passionate kisses on your lips. Long makeout sessions are a must in your relationship. He could spend hours with your lips against his, teasing and tasting you while you’re in his lap in his truck on some secluded side road, his hands wandering over your sides and your curves.

So yes, his love language in definitely physical touch.

He also likes giving you gifts: wildflowers he picked in the woods, little trinkets he made you from bones, nice rocks he found.

Since he’s not as involved in his brothers’ business, it’s less likely that you end up in risky situations. Even so, there’s still the occasional asshole when you’re interacting with potential victims before showing them the directions to Ambrose. You’ve had your fair share of disgusting stares and flirting attempts. That you can manage. What you can’t tolerate however is when these assholes find out you’re with Lester and starts making comments about him. He finds it incredibly hot when you get all mouthy and talk back in defense of him.

In turn, he can’t tolerate the unwanted attention on you. That’s when he starts visibly playing with his knife, and that usually does the trick. And even if it doesn’t, he feels better knowing what happens to them after you turn them over to Bo and Vincent. He gets even more touchy after incidents like this, and you’re happy to satiate his neediness with hugs and kisses.

Even though he’s not a killer as much as his brothers and does everything in his power to stay out of it – and to also keep you out of it –, if the situation escalates and you’re in danger, you can bet he’s ready to do whatever he has to do to keep you safe. Even if he doesn’t like it, your safety and wellbeing is always his top priority.

Leave a comment on this post if you want to be added to my taglist!

[bernardsbendystraws]

༄ Blurb of Chris helping Doll with the harsh reality of his fans.

It was given. Chris had fans—millions of fans. You always knew being public in a relationship with him would be hard but you never imagined this. 

Love swarmed comments and bursts of positive interactions online. There was so much of it. People loved you—people loved you a little too much.

You weren’t supposed to be reading it. Comment after comment, the threads of people lying about you, defending you…it all took a toll. This was the price you had to pay for love. You knew that, you just never expected for the love to mix with the hate. 

“Doll, have you seen my wallet—“

It’s as if you’re caught red handed. You sniffle, shutting your phone off and wiping the tears stains from your cheeks swiftly. 

Why did you have to look? It didn’t make you feel any better. It just made things worse. 

“Hey...I thought we talked about this,” Chris says softly, sitting down next to you on the couch as he hesitantly wraps an arm around your shoulders. You’re so tense. He can tell you’re holding back. Maybe it’s from embarrassment, maybe it’s from guilt—either way, it just stings to see you look so...defeated. 

You can’t do anything right.

Every attempt you made to please people only backfired. 

At first, you were too quiet. Fans were quick to say that you had no personality. You did, you just didn’t know how to be normal around a device that was recording you for thousands of people to watch indefinitely. 

But then you were too much. Your jokes weren’t good enough. They were either too out there or too boring.

There’s just no winning. 

And that bitter taste of defeat burns the same way as salt and ice rub together on skin. It's harsh. You wish you’d grow immune to it, you wish you didn’t feel the need to accommodate—to constantly prove yourself just for people to shove their own words into your image.

You’re Chris’s doll but you’re their puppet. 

Sprawled, scattered, bruised, and beaten. You’re just a puppet, putting on a show. No matter what you do it’ll never be enough. There’s just no winning. 

“Doll?” Chris asks, pulling you back to reality with a hushed whisper. He’s scared to talk to loud. Your skin is practically vibrating and he can feel how much you’re struggling to contain the ache in your chest. 

“It’s just—it’s so stupid, Chris. It’s so fucking stupid,” you rant, running your hands over your face in a muddled regret. 

Why did you look? 

“I…it is stupid, I’m sorry. You,” Chris grabs your hand firmly in his while his other arm stays around your shoulders. He’s holding you, shielding you—you just wished it worked beyond the sunken couch. “-you don’t deserve it. You don’t. I…I’m so sorry,” he admits, purely at a loss for words. 

You let your body relax onto him, his warmth distracting from the uncomfortable pulse of frustration on your skin. It doesn’t make reality disappear, but it does make it look a little bit less daunting. 

You don’t have to win anything when you already have this—pure, unconditional love. No comment could take that away from you. At the end of the day, your serenity and peace was him. In the shower, cuddling in bed, and doing it all over again to create special moments worth remembering. 

And you loved being able to remember the exact feelings you had, playing back the memories on camera.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Character Development: 70 Questions

Self-Reflective Questions. To help jumpstart self-reflection (Woronko, n.d.):

Am I using my time wisely?

Am I taking anything for granted?

Am I employing a healthy perspective?

Am I living true to myself?

Am I waking up in the morning ready to take on the day?

Am I thinking negative thoughts before I fall asleep?

Am I putting enough effort into my relationships?

Am I taking care of myself physically?

Am I letting matters that are out of my control stress me out?

Am I achieving the goals that I’ve set for myself?

The following are questions you can ask yourself every day to get to know yourself better (William, n.d.):

Who am I, really?

What worries me most about the future?

If this were the last day of my life, would I have the same plans for today?

What am I really scared of?

Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?

If not now, then when?

What matters most in my life?

What am I doing about the things that matter most in my life?

Why do I matter?

Have I done anything lately that’s worth remembering?

Have I made someone smile today?

What have I given up on?

When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?

If I had to instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby, what advice would I give?

What small act of kindness was I once shown that I will never forget?

How will I live, knowing I will die?

What do I need to change about myself?

Is it more important to love or be loved?

How many of my friends would I trust with my life?

Who has had the greatest impact on my life?

Would I break the law to save a loved one?

Would I steal to feed a starving child?

What do I want most in life?

What is life asking of me?

Which is worse: failing or never trying?

If I try to fail and succeed, what have I done?

What’s the one thing I’d like others to remember about me at the end of my life?

Does it really matter what others think about me?

To what degree have I actually controlled the course of my life?

When all is said and done, what will I have said more than I’ve done?

These prompts and questions are great ways to put your journal to use (Tartakovsky, 2014):

My favorite way to spend the day is . . .

If I could talk to my teenage self, the one thing I would say is . . .

The two moments I’ll never forget in my life are . . . (Describe them in great detail, and what makes them so unforgettable.)

Make a list of 30 things that make you smile.

“Write about a moment experienced through your body. Making love, making breakfast, going to a party, having a fight, an experience you’ve had or you imagine for your character. Leave out thought and emotion, and let all information be conveyed through the body and senses.”

The words I’d like to live by are . . .

I couldn’t imagine living without . . .

When I’m in pain—physical or emotional—the kindest thing I can do for myself is . . .

Make a list of the people in your life who genuinely support you, and whom you can genuinely trust. Then, make time to hang out with them.

What does unconditional love look like for you?

What things would you do if you loved yourself unconditionally? How can you act on these things, even if you’re not yet able to love yourself unconditionally?

I really wish others knew this about me . . .

Name what is enough for you.

If my body could talk, it would say . . .

Name a compassionate way you’ve supported a friend recently. Then, write down how you can do the same for yourself.

What do you love about life?

What always brings tears to your eyes? (As Paulo Coelho has said, “Tears are words that need to be written.”)

Write about a time when your work felt real, necessary and satisfying to you, whether the work was paid or unpaid, professional or domestic, physical or mental.

Write about your first love—whether it’s a person, place or thing.

Using 10 words, describe yourself.

What’s surprised you the most about your life or life in general?

What can you learn from your biggest mistakes?

I feel most energized when . . .

“Write a list of questions to which you urgently need answers.”

Make a list of everything that inspires you—whether books, websites, quotes, people, paintings, stores, or stars in the sky.

What’s one topic you need to learn more about to help you live a more fulfilling life? (Then, follow through and learn more about that topic.)

I feel happiest in my skin when . . .

Make a list of everything you’d like to say no to.

Make a list of everything you’d like to say yes to.

Write the words you need to hear.

Source ⚜ More: Writing Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

[elysiansparadise]

What does it mean to have venus conjunction neptune? does it exactly mean that person is delusional towards love?

Venus can tell us many things: from our vision of love, our way of loving, our relationship with money, aesthetics, and our tastes.

Venus conjunct Neptune

Vision of love: For these natives, love is about mutual surrender. It's about knowing that the other person's love is as unconditional as their own. Love is about connecting soul to soul, about smiling and embracing the other person, both in their moments of strength and those when they falter or fall. For these natives, love doesn't have to hurt; on the contrary, it should be comforting and healing with caresses, kisses, and a presence that reassures you that you have nothing to fear. That's why many of them tend to take refuge in crushes or fictitious interests, because that way they don't get hurt. Some, yes, may be prone to fantasizing a lot about love and run the risk of falling in love not with someone, but with the image they have of it. But this depends on how evolved the native is.

Way of loving: These people love romantically. They value the small details over ostentatious or overly public displays. They are patient people who don't force you to open up; on the contrary, they listen, genuinely care about you, and dedicate their energy to you if they feel the relationship is worth it. They aren't intense or controlling; they like to let you be (as long as that doesn't mean disrespecting them, of course). They love getting to know you; your beautiful face isn't enough for them, but they love getting to know your core, from the vulnerable sides to those that make you uncomfortable. Some of them seek to "save" or "fix" people; while the more evolved side of this aspect prefers to accompany you in the healing process and welcome you with warm and comforting arms.

Relationship with money: They are not overly materialistic people. When they have money, they love to share it with those they love. They love buying and giving gifts for their loved ones, as a subtle gesture of "I have you in my mind." Altruistic, many of them support causes, or if they had enough money, they would donate to charity or worthy causes (shelters, care centers, etc.).

Aesthetics: Colors that inspire peace are their favorites. Shades of purple can look flattering on them. They have an ethereal beauty; their eyes can appear slightly sleepy or have a certain charming sparkle. Their skin is usually very soft and tends to be oily (which is why it's important to take care of themselves). They are more prone to developing dark circles. They may have beauty marks, freckles, or dimples.

Tastes or preferences: Art lovers, especially painting, film, or music. To enjoy music, they need to connect deeply with the artist or their lyrics. They like what has soul, not what can be easily produced. They love astrology and ways to better understand themselves or their loved ones. They prefer long-term relationships over ephemeral ones.

[haru-dipthong]

Fansub release + Analysis of Utena Ep 18

There's a lot of ideas packed into this episode about patriarchy and what it means to become a man. This is an issue that I've personally done a lot of reflecting on, and also something I've been reading about recently with bell hooks' The Will To Change, so this episode I'll be doing a little more textual analysis than usual and comparing readings of Utena with bell hooks.

Utena: つわぶき君はよく続くなー。僕だったらあの生活三日も持たないや。 Anthy: きっと好きだからできるんですよ

Utena: I don't know how he does it. I wouldn't last three days being bossed around like that. Anthy: If you loved someone, you'd understand.

This line is soooo revealing. It really shows how Anthy thinks about love. And god, the way she says it — so condescending to Utena with the んですよ. Like “you poor naive thing who has never experienced love, I know better than you do”. It sounds very "you'll understand when you're older". And it tears me up inside to see Anthy believing that she is the one who knows better. Even Utena’s naivity is better than Anthy’s horrible warped idea of what love is. And obviously the reason Anthy essentially takes a stand behind the idea that love is unconditional servitude is because of her curse and her relationship with Akio. She is obliged to be at the beck and call of her betrothed, a position of love. And she has learnt from Akio that love is running yourself into the ground, from his time serving the people as Dios. And her relationship with Akio, a familial relationship that is traditionally one of love, is essentially slavery. What else can she do, how else can she live with herself, if not by telling herself that this is what love is meant to be?

A more literal translation of Anthy's line would be something like "I'm sure he can do it because he loves her". But her tone and phrasing in Japanese makes it clear that she's extrapolating - she's thinking that anyone in love would do the same. That's why I translated the line the way I did.

I also tried "That's just what love is" but it didn't sound condescending enough. I needed Anthy to sound like Utena's mum in this exchange, because that's how she sounds in Japanese.

大人になりたい！大人になって世界をめちゃくちゃにしてやりたい！

I want to grow up! I want to become a man so I can fuck up the world!

Oh god oh fuck. What is happening to our little Mitsuru… who could have predicted this?! Well, bell hooks did:

Boys are encouraged by patriarchal thinking to claim rage as the easiest path to manliness. It should come as no surprise, then, that beneath the surface there is a seething anger is boys, a rage waiting for the moment to be heard. The Will To Change pp. 44

In isolation they lose the sense of their value and worth. No wonder then that when they reenter a community, they bring with them killing rage as their primary defence. pp. 43

The word めちゃくちゃにする is difficult to translate. It’s a word used often in casual conversation, so it doesn’t sound very formal or proper. It kind of means “to throw into complete disorder; to make everything a complete mess”. E.g.

その地震は何もかもめちゃくちゃにした

The earthquake destroyed/smashed up everything.

In this context though, “destroy” or “smash up” doesn’t work because we’re not talking about buildings and furniture, we’re talking about “the world”. Other translations try their best to translate this line without swearing (I want to become a man and wreck the world! // I want to be an adult and just kick over the whole world! // I want to a grown up, and just… just do whatever I want with the world!). But I really don’t think it’s possible. THE translation for めちゃくちゃにする in this context is “to fuck up”.

経験を積んだ大人を倒してこそ子供は大人になる

But a kid who beats an adult… will become an adult himself!

Maybe I’m reading too much into the word 倒す here, but allow me to digress: I don’t think this translation is particularly controversial. 倒す literally does mean “beat”. But I originally had this as “defeat”, a much less violent word (also used by the one of the translations I’m using as reference). However, I think “beat” is better for several reasons.

First, 倒す is a word that comes up a lot in anime and manga targeted at the 12-16 year old boy demographic. “Beat” is similar — “can superman beat goku in a fight?” It has the same schoolyard feel to it. Using a word like this emphasises Tsuwabuki’s boyishness.

Secondly, while 倒す means “to defeat”, this meaning is actually metaphorical. Its literal meaning is “to knock down/to fell”. I’m guessing the “defeat” meaning comes from its use in boxing, where knocking someone down is equivalent to defeating them. Because of this, the original Japanese could be interpreted more literally — Tsuwabuki wants to batter an adult, he wants to prove his manhood by beating a woman, by knocking her down. I think this reading is reinforced by Tsuwabuki’s violent patriarchal outburst in the Seminarium elevator.

Another except from bell hooks’ The Will To Change (emphasis mine):

Researchers found that boys agreed that to be truly manly, they must command respect, be tough, not talk about problems, and dominate females. pp. 42

And another:

Boys who are allowed to assume the role of “mini patriarch” are often violent toward their mothers. (…) Obviously, as small boys they do not have the strength to overpower their mothers, but it is clear that they see the use of violence to get their needs met as acceptable. pp. 61-62

As always, thank you to my editor @dontbe-lasanya for their amazing editing skills! This project wouldn't be possible without you!

Remember to follow the blog if you want to stay updated with new episode releases. For all episodes released so far, go here:

Rose divider taken from this post

[gonebylouist]

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when the time is right (series)

[ Harry/Louis | 194K | E | 💋 ]

The cabin fic where falling in love underneath the northern lights only leads to heartbreak.

refusethyname on Ao3 | © 2021

Twitter (Fic) | Tumblr | Bluesky | Ao3

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Smut 💋 | No Smut 🩷

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⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

when the time is right

[ Harry/Louis | 146K | E | 💋 | Fic Post ]

“Do you live in the cabin by yourself?” Louis then decided to ask.

“I do, well sort of, I have a cat.

“A cat?” Louis then asked and Harry nodded happily.

“She’s a precious thing, but she always leaves me for this one customer who is staying at one of the cabins. His name is Tomlin-something, I can’t really recall,” Harry said, causing Louis to chuckle this time. The singer shook his head at Harry’s comment and smiled brightly at him. Harry was truly something else and Louis’ heart fluttered.

“He sounds like an absolute arse if he steals your cat,” Louis chuckled and Harry shook his head at that. “On the contrary, he is extremely thoughtful, didn’t even mind it too much when I spilled my hot tea over him, how is your stomach by the way?” Harry then asked.

“If this is your way of trying to get me to undress again,” Louis joked and Harry’s cheeks grew bright red. The younger man started stammering some incoherent things and quickly averted his gaze, which Louis thought was absolutely adorable.

Or the cabin fic where falling in love underneath the northern lights only leads to heartbreak.

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⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

it's worth the pain, all this time

[ Harry/Louis | 48K | M | 🩷 | Fic Post ]

“Harry, how do you love someone?”

“I suppose love comes from a plethora of things, some people simply describe it as a feeling or an emotion while others experience love in every little thing their partner does. For me, just being with the other person and feeling comfortable around them can be enough to call it love. Trusting someone, for me, is a form of love, but if you’re talking about that unconditional longing, the intense emotion that could potentially overtake every single one of your senses… I cannot teach you that, but I promise you, you’ll know it when that happens.”

And he had. Harry knew when he fell in love with Louis Tomlinson, the singer who had to go back to his life in England after three beautiful months together. Since then, Harry hadn't been the same. He needed finality, he needed to move on, to let go of the man who had made Harry second-guess every choice he had ever made in his life. There was only one solution to his problems, he had to say goodbye to Louis. He had to find closure, and that's why he found himself back in England...

Or the long-awaited and official epilogue to when the time is right.

[randomprose]

no use i just do

he may not understand it, but Sakura will always love Sasuke —for ssmonth24 day 24: confessions

Haruno Sakura loves Uchiha Sasuke. She loves him in all the ways that matter despite everything and anything. 

It’s just a fact of life—a universal truth. The sky is blue, water is wet, Naruto wants to be Hokage, and Haruno Sakura has always loved Uchiha Sasuke. 

Sakura doesn’t say it or throw around the phrase as much as she used to, but she radiates it. In every look she sends his way, in every word she speaks to him, the way her eyes always find his even in a crowded room or across a sea of people, the way she gravitates to him even without meaning to, and even the way she breathes when she’s around him. Everything about her speaks of her love for him. Her very existence itself is an expression of that unyielding and unconditional love.

To this, all Sasuke could ask is, "Still? After all this time?"

Sakura just shrugs, not even bothering to defend herself. Not like there’s anything to anyhow. Sakura has never been ashamed of her love. 

"Why?" Sasuke continues to prod, truly baffled. "There's nothing—I’m not—I’m just—” I have nothing to offer. “What do you even see in me?"

“You,” Sakura answers easily without missing a beat as if that’s enough of an explanation. “Just you.”

“And that is enough for you?”

“Well,” Sakura looks considering, hands clasped behind her and expression wholly open, always open when she’s with him. “It’s not like I didn’t try to stop. I did try to talk myself into some sense, you know?” Tried to make herself see reason and consider focusing her affections on Naruto instead—strong, dependable, steady, and safe Naruto who would never hurt or make her cry. At least not knowingly. There were other candidates too, of course. Sakura has long since passed that phase of self-doubt and insecurity, has gained confidence in herself and her skills, and knows full well of her worth. “I’m fully aware that I am a catch, Sasuke-kun. Even if you’re not aware of the fact.”

“No, I am,” Sasuke replies because he is, in fact, very aware.

“Good.”

“What happened then?” If she knows she could do better—so much better—how come it’s still him she chooses? “Why haven’t you stopped?”

“What can I say? I just couldn’t,” she shrugs again and her smile is lighthearted as she says, “Looking back, it all seems so silly. I tried to stop and I just couldn’t and after some time I just gave up trying to not love you. Sure, I hated you at times,  but that’s not the opposite of love, is it? Besides,” here her smile turns rueful, “I could never truly hate you, Sasuke-kun.” 

“Why?” he asks again, a tinge of desperation seeping at the word. How can she not hate him after everything? “How can you—What’s there to love?”

"What's not to love?” 

“Don’t answer my question with another.”

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” she retorts. “What’s there to love you ask? Everything. All of you. The good and the bad and everything in between.”

“Tch,” Sasuke shakes his head. “There really is no accounting for taste.”

“That there isn’t,” Sakura laughs, then she sighs. "It's no use, Sasuke-kun. I just love you."

It is in Sasuke’s nature as an Uchiha to self-destruct. It is also in his nature to be selfish and to take without giving, but for the life of him, Sasuke could never be selfish enough when it comes to Sakura. Because everything the Uchiha touches seems to get tainted and doomed to a life of loss, destruction, and heartache, but despite everything he has taken from her—and will continue to take from her—Sasuke cannot bring himself to damn her to a similar fate. 

“You should try again. To stop,” Sasuke says, looking at her imploringly with his mismatched eyes. "I'm broken, Sakura. Beyond repair.” He doesn’t know if he’s doing her a kindness by trying to make her see sense—because maybe she’ll listen to him if her own logic fails her—but Sasuke goes on to make his case against himself anyway. “There's no use trying to fix me. I can't be fixed."

"Is that what you think I've been trying to do all this time? Fix you?” Sakura says, throwing him a funny look before rolling her eyes. "Idiot. I've always known. Even when we were genin, I knew I couldn't fix you. That's not what I was or am trying to do. It never was."

"Then what is it that you want from me."

"Nothing! I just want to love you.” And it’s the truth too. It always was. Once she realizes what she feels for Sasuke is more than just childish infatuation and passing fancy, Sakura has never asked for anything in return for her affections. “The least you could do after everything is to let me."

Sasuke meets Sakura’s gentle gaze and considers her words. 

He supposes that, despite everything, he’s always known that it was always going to be Sakura for him, that it was always going to be them in the end, even when he didn’t allow himself to think about those things.

In the lofty years of his youth, he had often thought of returning to Konoha after settling the score with his brother and finding Sakura waiting for him. He had argued to himself that she was a logical choice and the reason his mind conjured her as a first—and only—choice was because she was his closest female companion being his teammate and somewhat friend. Not to mention, he found her the least annoying of the girls who used to fawn over him, never mind why he never questioned why he found it so.

And in the rare times that Sasuke has allowed himself to think of a future for himself after accomplishing his goals—misguided as they were—and beyond the battles and the tragedies he’s faced, it is Sakura who is a constant in those musings and the only one he sees himself with, be it settling down and continuing his other goal of restoring his clan or even just simple companionship for however long the fates shall allow Sasuke’s wretched life to go on. 

The fact of the matter is, Sasuke is to his bare bones a selfish bastard who has always thought of Sakura as his—just as much as he has always been hers as he has come to realize. 

(It does not cross his mind that Sakura is as selfish and as greedy as he is, maybe even more, in the way she loves him—how she would let Konoha burn rather than hurt him, forsake her duties if it meant she could be by his side, defend him to the death against those who speak ill of him.)

"Okay," Sasuke sighs in surrender, but it is of the sweet kind. “Okay.”

"Okay?” Sakura asks, peering up at him as if in confirmation.

"Yes."

Yes, you may love me and this time I will allow myself to be loved and reciprocate in the ways I know how. This is an act of selfishness as much as it is a kindness. For both of us. 

"Good."

The smile on her face is pleased and Sasuke lets the pleasant feeling wash over him with the knowledge that he is the cause of that.

“Sakura,” he calls to her, and her name almost sounds holy as he rolls off his tongue. Reverent like a prayer or benediction. Heavy with meaning and all the things that Sasuke cannot form the words to say.

Sasuke takes his hand and moves to close the gap between them. Sakura feels herself rooted on the spot, tensing when he steps into her space and loops his arm around her in an embrace. It takes her a second to relax and her arms to come up and wound around his waist to return the embrace. A memory comes to her unbidden and she pinches the skin on his back in warning.

"If you knock me out and leave me on some godforsaken bench again, Uchiha Sasuke, I swear to all your ancestors I will—”

Sasuke chuckles and squeezes her to him to stop her tirade.

"I already apologized for that."

“Tch.” Sakura puffs her cheeks and pouts, even as she lets him hold her against him and buries her face into his chest. "Whatever."

"I'm sorry. And thank you.” Two things that have never been easy for Uchiha Sasuke to say, but no one else has ever been more deserving to hear from him as much as Haruno Sakura. “For loving me. Even after all these years. Even when I'm—” 

"Batshit insane completely off your rockers and out of control?"

"Tch." Sasuke lightly tugs at the ends of her hair in annoyance, to which Sakura only snickers. He's trying to be sincere and maybe a little romantic here dammit and there she goes and ruins it. "So annoying."

"Ehh, you love me." She looks up at him with a teasing look and a cheeky grin before catching herself. "I mean—”

Eyes never leaving hers, Sasuke takes Sakura’s hand and puts it over his chest where his heart beats for her, hoping it’s enough for her to know even when he can’t find the words and the courage to say them yet.

I do. With all my heart and soul and everything that I am in my wretchedness, I do love you.

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

Felix Jealousy

SKZ Jealousy series pt. 6: (when they're in a serious relationship do they get jealous at all? What makes them jealous if they get jealous? How do they act in a relationship? What's their response/behavior when jealous? How do they handle it?)

Felix doesn’t get jealous he gets helpless. Like, if he sees his partner getting hit on or flirting with someone else it doesn’t invoke jealousy, it just makes him doubt his ability to be enough for them in the relationship, or even doubt their commitment to him. It just makes him lose focus on a lot of things and feel very exhausted. It’s very draining to him. And yeah his self esteem plummets a lot, though it’s probably already low. I see him as being very insecure and self critical already so that would kinda be the icing on the cake in that aspect.

I honestly think he avoids confronting it because he knows it’ll stress him out. Like he kind of just removes himself from the situation and reflects on it later to see if he was just blowing the situation out of proportion. He’s need some serious R&R after. Because it’s a hit to his pride, his self esteem, and his self worth.

He feels like he’s being taken for granted. It’s like “Why is this person entertaining others when they have me?” Type thing. But he doesn’t want to risk anything so he shuts up.

I think it’s the Libra Mercury/Venus talking. As someone who has his Venus, Mercury, and Mars I can relate to most of this in terms of mood. It probably makes him simultaneously mad and depressed. Probably cries a lot. Especially with that potential Aries moon his emotions go absolutely haywire. He probably plans out this major confrontation but never does it because he doesn’t want to rock the boat. He would with anyone else, but never his partner.

He also may feel like his partner is getting bored of him.

He’ll honestly just be suffering. Another one who could get cheated on and blame himself for it. He feels like he’s a disappointment to his partner and that’s why they’re entertaining another people. He puts himself down a lot, and again just fears that he may risk losing them if he speaks up. A lot of pain and grief here. He’d also probably experience a lot of self-pity.

Generally he may enter like a depression? Or maybe even is already depressed because like I’ve never met someone with his lineup who isn’t at least mildly so. But I dunno I’m not diagnosing shit.

Once he gets over it though…Welp.

He goes into the point of reflection. And if he realizes that…Either A, what they did is wildly disrespectful to me, B, that was basically cheating in my face, or C, this is crossing a lot of boundaries, he finally addresses it head on.

And…Well, it’s loud.

It may not start as an argument but it always ends as an argument. Because it’s blunt. It’s personal. And it’s probably right. It drives too close to home and he reads you for absolute filth, and most people can’t really handle that. So then it turns into an argument, and/or he needs to feel heard or he flies off the handle.

And he can argue. He can argue for hours, even, until the other person finally walks away from the situation or “sees reason”.

When his confidence is regained it’s boosted. Because he realizes that he’s worth more than this BS.

I also think he 100% tells everyone close to him about it. And then if it was because of actual cheating he just tells everyone about it period. Close or not, he won’t shut up about it. Because he’s very public with these matters.

He’s definitely an unconditional love type. Until you make him doubt if it should be unconditional or even love. He sees through rose colored glasses mostly, but if there’s too much eventually he snaps out of it and realizes…This is some bullshit. Everything starts adding up and the puzzle pieces start connecting. All of a sudden he’s seeing the situation for what it is.

And he drops you quick.

Cause if there’s one thing about him he’s not about to linger in an unfulfilling situation. He’s leaving, and he’s probably moving on within 10-12 business days. Not because he never loved or cared about you, but because…He moves on fast. He emotionally checks out of situations quickly. He sees past relationships fondly as something he grew from, but not fond enough that there’s this massive period of mourning it. He may vaguely miss the person occasionally, but in general he’ll be fine.

Probably the type who braces himself for these things anyways. Not in a holding back weighing on his heart way, but just in a…He knows relationships don’t always last. So while he’s in them he makes the most of every moment so he’ll never regret it once it’s gone. And it’s effective for him.

In general he’s more hurt by friendship breakups than relationship ones.

So yeah, definitely turns to his friends and probably moves onto the next fairly quickly.

If he realizes he’s right he’ll also trust himself more. And if he realizes he was wrong he’ll trust in his self worth more. Either way he’s growing from the experience.

If his partner truly hadn’t been doing anything wrong he’ll work hard to fix it, and overcome any obstacles. He’s very determined like that. And even if his partner did something wrong that could be forgiven he’d enter that state.

In general, he’s constantly growing and evolving.

Definitely a lot of inner conflict throughout all of this though. A lot of personality clashes within him. He had two very polarizing sides, which I can again relate to. They’re very different. Because inherently, he’s bold and fiery and ambitious. His rage builds rapidly but doesn’t go away so quickly. His Leo Mars is fixed. And honestly really underrated for grudge holding capability. And if he has an Aries Moon this increases things tenfold. And sure these things may be regulated by his Virgo sun, but they generally clash with his more Libran aspects.

But yeah, generally in the moment he loses faith in himself. He suppresses his feelings and blocks them off. He gets really frustrated through, and probably easy to set off because it’s simmering unresolved and bottled up, not like it’s meant to be. And there’s so, so much rage there. Like I’m talking one minor inconvenience and he’s losing his shit.

Mayhaps possibly be into like

“Jealous” intercourse

Trying to make this as clinical as possible to make this PG-13

In general gets very independent in this time. Probably shuts himself off a lot from his partner and will prefer the company of friends until things have calmed down and cooled off. Because he doesn’t want to ruin things with his potential anger.

Again, a very transformative experience.

And it also bruises his pride a lot. He’s a prideful person whether he has high self esteem or not.

Probably has a weird mix of a superiority and inferiority complex.

But yeah, definitely would use this to fuel other endeavors. He also may have a big breakthrough about the relationship as a whole during these times. In general, he’s very good at cutting to the heart of matters. And once his mind clears…

Well we’ve been over this.

[atalana]

so i finally got the chance to read the book of bill! and man those journal 3 pages, i could write a million essays on those, but the principle one that i can't get out my head is the new insight on ford's whole fucked up paradigm of what love is

like, neither of the stan twins really know how to experience unconditional love, because they never really had it. their dad was constantly comparing the two of them and really just stamping down stanley's self worth at any given moment. and even for ford who was praised, he's not an idiot, he saw how stan got treated all the time, and their dad was very explicit as to why. ford's praise and attention hinged on him being the family genius who could make them all a lot of money, and he knew very well if he failed to live up to that, he would also lose his father's love

and you see this in stan in his desperate need for everyone to like him, but also how he doesn't really believe anyone ever truly could love him, so whenever he gets the chance with anyone he clings onto that relationship as tight as he can, terrified it's going to disappear at any second

ford, meanwhile. the more direct threat to him was the bullies and the people that made him feel lesser for being abnormal. and no kid likes feeling like that, we know it's a spike buried deep in his psyche, which gave him a reason for the dichotomy he ends up forming.

when he was a kid, people tended to fall into two categories - those who were really impressed with him and his potential, and those who saw him as a freak and wanted to drag him down for it. the love he got and the hate he got are directly related to both.

and as a result ford is constantly looking for people who will give him intellectual gratification (what he thinks love is), and he categorises everyone else as "unimportant obstacles in my way" (because that's how he thinks about those bullies, so their words won't hurt anymore)

stanley was the first category, until he sharply became the second

and splitting the world into those two categories makes him an absolutely horrible person! like, one hand yeah, you do have sympathy for ford bc that is straight up torture bill put him through and no one should have to experience it (and i do wanna make clear this is not a ford hate post, he does have good qualities im just interested in the bad rn)

on the other hand though, god, i'm always struck by just how hateful he is towards so many unimportant things (just one of many examples, christmas songs are fake and stupid bc rudolph didn't burn santa's workshop to the ground as revenge for ostracizing him like jesus christ dude)

or the bit where he sees one of stan's shitty product ads and considers calling him and pretending to be a cop just to scare him, because in ford's mind that's a punishment he deserves for daring to look so stupid while sharing ford's face

and it just drills in how much ford is not willing to see stan's side of this in any way, because what do you think would happen if you went through with that plan? don't you know stan's already scared enough? you saw him get kicked out, you saw the ultimatum that came with it, and hell thanks to the book of bill we know you were also scared to go home until you had something to show for it. he's trying his best, and you understood that once. but then stan throws your journal back in your face and you yell that you're giving him the chance to do the first worthwhile thing in his life.

everything he did to try and make something of himself, to try and prove himself worthy of literally any love at all, you didn't care about that. now he's in a position to help you, so of course he should just drop everything and obey your orders to the letter without question. that's the only way to redeem himself for getting in your way, why won't he take it?

by the time bill shows up ford felt fully justified in going "this isn't about me, and therefore it's stupid and unimportant and should be destroyed". and i know exactly why, it's because again you think intellectual gratification and love are the same thing and you're running low on both right now so you're trying to make up the difference by affirming how right you are in your goddamn diary, but right does not make you good or kind or wise

and that makes it kind of a self fulfilling prophecy, because loving you is hard, and the one person genuinely willing to do so unconditionally you're keeping at a very aggressive arms length. but you fall for bill so easily, because he understands how important you are, which must be love, and all of these other people worried about you just aren't smart enough to get it

and not even realising bill's lies could cure him of that one. hell, 30 years spent dimension hopping didn't cure it. when ford gets back he is still just as self righteous, and still willing to categorise dipper as "will give me intellectual gratification" and the rest of them as intrinsically less valuable

which is why dipper can't take the deal ford offered him. if he had, he would have turned out exactly like ford, stuck in his own echo chamber unable to tell the difference between love and praise

mabel says at one point in the comics that the reason the two grunkles are bad at looking after kids is because they still are kids, and that's a really accurate insight. that old wound cut so deep neither of them had the chance to actually move past their childhood, and discover what it was they were missing

stan never stopped wanting his brother back, but ford didn't realise that was what he needed too, until he saw mabel and dipper working as a team against bill. he's acknowledged his mistake in trusting bill before now, but "we used to be like that" is his first time acknowledging that his whole approach to people is wrong.

you've always had one source of unconditional love. you didn't need to be better than him to be worthy of it. and now you've got an entire new family, hopefully you'll realise that can come from multiple fronts

(and it's okay stan shall have his revenge for how you treated him by commiting just. so much tax fraud in your name)

[riemanifests]

Rie please just tell me how to feel worthy? Worthy enough of the dream life. Of being. Of existence. I don't mean to cling on to my victimhood/ traumas etc. I'm just. I hope I had some merit as a human being you know. Wish I was talented / skilled / gifted enough. Wish I was enough. So my question is how to feel like I'm worth that dream life? That sp? That health? That vitality? Thank you for being there. 🤍

truth is i cant give you that feeling, i think the one you want it from the most is yourself. so give that to yourself. you have the power to decide that you are worthy and enough right now, just because. so do that for yourself. work on that relationship with yourself because you're the one person you'll always have so imagine what you conditioning yourself is doing to you? why is it that you cant just be enough just because you exist? love yourself and love yourself unconditionally. free yourself. realize this entire time you already were enough and worthy. you are worthy. even if you don't feel like it you are. even if your past spat in your face and told that you weren't, you still are. even if people made you feel like you aren't, you still are. you are the only one on this earth who can decide whether or not you are worthy and enough. and babes realize you already have your dream life. underneath the 3d, the identity you hold, and even your conscious self, there is a god within you who is connected to everything including all that is your dream life. it's all already there, so babes you don't need to be worthy for it when you already have it within. it's literally already within you. so instead of holding back on bringing it to the surface because of imaginary limits, free yourself and let yourself just have it now even if you don't feel worthy. even if you do nothing. even if there's no accomplishments under your belt. it doesn't matter, because you deserve it if you want it. reflect on what is making you think otherwise, this is something serious i truly want you to work on that relationship with yourself and babes no one can do that for you but you. give yourself the approval you want because there's no need to wait for it or earn it when you can just give it now. and i want you to know the law is impersonal. there is no god sitting on a throne in the sky determining hmm you haven't done enough, you're not worthy of that life. no. truth is the law doesn't care who you are. it just works. if you assume it to be yours and persist in that then it's yours. reality doesn't reward either it reflects. it reflects your internal assumptions and beliefs and pretty much anything within, so you have to first be the one to decide that you are worthy before reality can show you that you are worthy. make that decision for yourself. be kind to yourself. you're enough just because. there doesn't have to be a reason. and babes don't feel like you're worthy or enough just because i said so. no one else can determine your worth but YOU. and if you determine your worth based off your accomplishments or your life, why? why do you condition yourself like that? like what did you do to deserve you conditioning yourself to where its "im not enough until i have this". no you're enough EVEN if you have nothing. even if you give nothing. because there's no giving when it comes to manifesting there's just assuming. but the point is please know you are worthy because you are. start telling yourself that you're worthy and enough. also you can manifest any talent or skill you want as well. truly everything is already within you especially that version of you who is a fucking talent. you can manifest your dream life. you want to feel worth it? tell yourself you are worth it. show yourself unconditional love. you can have it just because you're you. just because you exist you deserve everything. yes just for breathing you deserve EVERYTHING. free yourself from the suffering because there's no need for it. there's no earning especially when you already have it underneath. choose to assume you have your dream life even when you dont feel great about yourself because you deserve it. or if you don't like that, then do it because you don't deserve to suffer. let go of the conditions and start seeing yourself as worthy and enough just because you exist. be the #1 cheerleader for yourself because you will always have you at the end of the day.

[chaifootsteps]

that post about triangulation gave me the chills

because that's what the show has become basically since s2 started. any time a third party is brought in to judge they always come down in Stolas' favor

Loona talks to Via in Seeing Stars? she should cut her dad some slack for a repeat pattern of behavior

Blitzo has a heart to heart with Fizz in Oops about how Stolas looks down on him? Fizz immediately takes up for Stolas and even pulls the total BS 'if you judge royalty you're as bad as them' liberal line of thinking on Striker

Blitzo reads Stolas for filth? he gets an invite to Verosika's party where she nonstop empathizes with him despite Stolas talking trash about her and everyone there behind her back

and the thing is ever single time it happens the deck is blatantly stacked so Stolas can come out looking better. it's either stuff being left out or everyone involved being OOC.

Loona has no reason to think anything of Stolas outside of 'man my adoptive father is forced to sleep with so we can pay rent', yet she gives Via this speech full of platitudes about why Stolas is trying is enough (and then doesn't cut Blitzo any slack, so it's not like she's saying this because she's learnt anything about her own relationship with her father - it's just here to benefit Stolas)

When talking to Fizz Blitzo rightly notes it's a fetish to Stolas - but the writers also make him bring up a bunch of phone calls that happened totally offscreen to make Stolas look better. there's plenty of things he could tell Fizz but he's never allowed to just so the writers can make him look cynical for doubting Stolas

Verosika is the straightest example of triangulation. she's biased against Blitzo to the point she'll believe when anyone says anything about him, but the writers never allow her to find out Stolas was never 'dating' Blitzo but coercing him into sex instead. her projecting all her baggage onto Stolas is barely even mentioned in the episode as being a problem when she inserts herself into the scenario - the viewers are supposed to side with her 'it starts with saying good for him' line despite how little sense that makes. it contradicts the episode's whole thesis that it's OK for her to be mad at Blitzo for awhile - but Blitzo can't be mad Stolas went and made out with someone else right in front of him the night after he told Blitzo he supposedly cared very deeply for him

that's why this isn't just garbage but infruriating. the whole universe is distorted to favor Stolas and everyone's characterization suffers as a result because they all have to take a bunch of stupid pills in every scenario instead of talking plainly about all the shit Stolas has pulled. Loona and Fizz especially should show some care for Blitzo over Stolas, but they don't. and Blitzo is never allowed to tell anyone else just how badly Stolas screwed him over so they can keep gaslighting him that he's the problem

it's probably also why more of the audience is turning on Stolas. most people can't relate to having a hitman called on them or any of the cartoonish things Stella does

but most people sure can relate to having had an argument with an ex partner or friend and feeling like they want to scream because said partner/friend manipulates everyone around them into taking their side or pressuring them to 'own up' and 'apologize', likely in just the same ways that Stolas does

what the show is putting Blitzo through is just dehumanizing and depressing. his feelings don't matter, how he's been treated doesn't matter. because we're just supposed to accept that he's dirt not worth scraping of Stolas' bird claws, whereas Stolas is pure and good and has only made transgressions so minor they don't even warrant mentioning. and the only way the show will treat him as worthy of anything is if he gives Stolas unconditional love while getting nothing in return

You know what? I have nothing to add to this. You took every last word right out of my mouth.

[bairdthereader]

Charlie Spring, An Appreciation: Part 2, Friendship

Charlie is often described as nerdy, shy, and awkward, the dork who is lucky enough to catch the eye of the popular boy. But that characterization does Charlie a huge disservice; it overlooks the richness of his personal life and the complexity of his inner landscape.

It also ignores the fact that he has cultivated a solid and loving friend group that he cares for in so many ways, whose devotion he earns through his own dedication and fierce loyalty. He is by no means alone or isolated when he meets Nick, he is not "desperate" in the way some people (and the horrible Ben) characterize him.

Charlie's relationship with Tao is a longstanding one, but not without its challenges. Tao isn't the easiest person to be friends with, but Charlie sees through Tao's prickly defensiveness to appreciate and love the part of Tao that feels so intensely, the part that is vulnerable and lost. And he fights for that friendship again and again.

The most beautiful example of this is on the Pont de l'Archevêché when Tao confesses that he accidentally outed Charlie the year before. This could easily and justifiably end even a strong friendship. But you can see the moment that Charlie decides his relationship with Tao is more important, that it is worth all of the pain that accidental outing caused him. He forgives instantly and completely, with no lingering resentment at all. And if that wasn't heroic enough, he follows up with the most thorough reassurance speech ever given, tailored specifically to eradicate all of Tao's most deeply held insecurities. Charlie's empathy is astounding.

Elle explains to Darcy that Charlie was her friend first, followed by Tao, which tells us that Charlie's care for her began a long time ago, and that it's lasted through all the challenges she's faced during her transition. I wish there were more moments on screen where Elle and Charlie have one-on-one conversations; there are shockingly few. But the way they speak about each other when the other isn't there is just as revealing. Elle clearly loves and understands Charlie in a unique way, and she does all she can to smooth the ragged edges between him and Tao, and lovingly supports his relationship with Nick. She does this because Charlie does the same for her, and because she knows his friendship is deep and abiding and unconditional.

Though less outwardly demonstrative than his friendships with the others, Charlie is no less caring and protective of Isaac, the friend who, I think, is the mostly gently supportive of Charlie as he navigates the early stages of his relationship with Nick. Charlie is open with Isaac when he asks for advice, but doesn't pry into why Isaac is asking a question that's so out of character; he knows Isaac processes most things internally before speaking them aloud. At prom, Charlie reminds Isaac--in a moment where he clearly feels isolated and singled out--that he is important, both to Charlie personally and to their group as a whole. A quiet person like Isaac could easily end up on the fringes of a friend group, but Charlie pulls him back in.

Charlie is also more caring with Tori than I think he's given credit for (especially at this point in the timeline and without some of the supporting backstory from the later comics and other books). Even with the limited interactions we see on screen, he's always trying to include her, trying to make sure she's not alone, while still giving her the space she feels she needs. Their bond is deep and protective, and it goes both ways. Charlie may be the younger of the two, but he's taking care of her, in his own way, as much as she is of him.

Again, I could go on and on:

This idea that Charlie is the quiet, awkward wallflower just doesn't hold up when it's so clear that he's the lynchpin of his friend group. Charlie's endless capacity for loyalty, forgiveness, empathy, and inclusion make him a champion in the lives of everyone he loves.

[queersouthasian]

Ok so, I have come across some "ok but why would Charlie risk HIS life just like that" takes, and here is this thing,

What did Charlie plan to do in the first place?

He approached babe to earn his trust so that he could warn him about tony when required while keeping track with tony's shit, and took away his powers 'cause that would divert the attention from babe, why? Charlie wanted to protect babe from being potentially R worded by a possible Enigma considering he didn't even knew who that was. He would not let an innocent person be used so mercilessly and especially a child. I believe Charlie's initial plan was not that far-fetched, but he got entranged once he fell for babe. On top of that unfortunately, his plan got outed. He, who at first just wanted to protect an innocent person from something so terrible is now protecting his lover, he would not only protect babe by becoming the target but would "kill" himself so no one can take advantage of either him or the child.

Now why so much for babe?

Charlie has been alone all his life just the way Babe was, even if Babe was physically surrounded by people, 24/7, babe was emotionally unavailable or he made himself distant because reasons, Way pretty much added onto that. Charlie just had Jeff by his side and half of his life just like jeff and babe was wasted on top of that, he was kicked out because he was not "special", I believe Charlie had always considered himself worthless 'cause he was raised under the impression that if you are not special you don't deserve a home (sold basically but whatever), while others had powers which could benefit in some way or other (like jeff's powers can be used to deflect something bad from happening, or how babe could use his powers to race or be aware of problems etc) Charlie could absorb powers, basically steal from others and knowing how he is, he most probably hated that. Do y'all remember how many times babe told him that charlie matters to him more than his powers and how his life is worth more than just what he thinks? yeah. Charlie who most definitely disliked his powers, most definitely felt worthless considering how little he thinks about himself (even before falling for babe,cause he wanted to keep Jeff out of this and wanted to do everything alone, remember?) , fell for this man who loves him for him, who loves every little bit of him, he loves his torn pieces, loves his smile, loves his aura, loves him as a person and just adores him more than anyone ever. Babe sees charlie as this adorable puppy who loves him beyond love itself and he does too. This unfiltered love is enough to make one feel that they are worth it, this unconditional adoration makes Charlie feel full, finally loved and seen, finally understood. So he thinks a person who loves him so much deserves a life way better than this, babe deserves to wake up without the fear of someone hunting him down, without the knowledge that someone is planning to brutally hurt him, he deserves a better life. Maybe Charlie thinks Babe would find 1000 different Charlies cause he is so ordinary, so simple, but he would not find another pit babe. And he would do anything to give babe the life he deserves, he knows his death is going to ultimately stop tony and babe would get his powers back without anyone realising, and that's his ver. of perfect ending.

But babe actually will never find another Charlie. Someone who sees him beyond the "king of hallows", beyond the tough exterior he puts up, someone who would hold him, kiss him, love him to this extent. Charlie doesn't realise that maybe he is ordinary for others but not for babe, he is beyond special for him, beyond the title of just a lover for him.