#why an i even bothering to tag this? it's a useless ramble and really dumb rant lmao

[autisticlee]

I have so many characteristics that make me feel like dating would be absolutely impossible to do and navigate, because they're such undesirable things that no one wants. i

if someone DOES want/are ok with them, there's so few of those people that they either already found someone, or they're out of my reach/we'll never meet. and that's if THEY match what I want as well, which then makes that pool even smaller.

i'm autistic. i'm asexual/aromantic. i'm trans/nonbinary. all things that make dating extraordinarily difficult to begin with.

i'm also not smart, rich, socially acceptable, or conventionally useful. i'm not physically attractive/don't match societal standards. i'm not likable to most people and can't even make or keep friends. my interests are very weird and niche, and it's hard to find people who share them.

if I can't figure out how to make and keep friends, how am I ever supposed to date? that's many levels ahead of where I am, almost end game. i'm at level 0. the tutorial level. except my tutorial glitched out before I even started and won't work. so I can't advance.

yes, I have good characteristics that people would be lucky to have (like loyalty, willingness to communicate, honesty, going out of my way to be there for people I care about, etc) but those things don't overshadow the ones above. first impressions kill me. my most noticeable traits kill me again. I can't lie or mask. no one gets to the smaller "good" traits or they simply aren't ever enough.

this is why I never tried to date and never even thought about it until now. I gave up before even starting because I knew it would be a dead end, a waste of time and energy.

i'm going to complain further under here, despite already making like 10 posts about the exact same bullshit:

"until now." so, I need someone who lives in canada to date me so I can move there from US and be with the only supportive people I have in my life lmao. my closest friends, my found family, who meet my needs, respect my boundaries, go out of their way to help me, and reciprocate everything mutually and equally. they actually want me in their lives. it's not one-sided, for the first time in my life. I don't question their motives or loyalties like every other friend I had in my life. it's genuine and real and they've stuck with me for like idk 5 years now? meeting irl (which usually ends my friendships for some reason...I guess people don't like me after meeting me outside of my internet persona?) it was solidified even more that we are the found family i've been wanting and needing my whole life. why do they have to be in a different country that has an extremely strict policy for being allowed to move there?!

so back to the dating thing a big problem is that I have too many barriers that I can't hide that make people uninterested or dislike me. I also can't control other people. people are unreliable and difficult as hell.

throw on top wanting to date someone specifically to move countries and they might question MY loyalties and think i'm only using them. when actually, I genuinely also want someone who can be part of our found family and be my life partner.

unfortunately, I know it will probably never happen, since it's not even about "trying" or "not giving up." I literally don't know how to try to find someone. like where to look?? social medias are collapsing and I get ignored everywhere. dating apps are for more hookups, polys, cheaters, and bots/catfish than real partnerships. I have no clue how to make people like me because who i am hasnt done me any favors ever in my life. waiting around for someone to come to me first just wastes my time! plus i'm picky as hell and can't accept just anyone.

people keep telling me "keep waiting you'll find The One! don't give up! I was in a similar position and i found someone!" that doesn't help me. it doesn't give me hope or whatever. I prefer actual helpful things like "I'll help you get there!" if you want to "help." I prefer to look at things realistically and live in the moment. not a future I can't see. and in this moment i'm stuck in a shitty anti-lgbt state with unsupportive and unaccepting family who don't treat me very well and no irl friends i can trust and rely on. no one can say that will for certain change in the future. things don't always magically change for the better and if you aren't prepared for that, you'll always be stuck in one place, waiting. i'm not being negative. it's more dynamic than that. it's more "I need an alternative in case this truly is a dead end." i'm simply not getting my hopes up for disappointment and fooling myself into believing that doing nothing and waiting will help, while life passes me by.

but I also can't do anything. because I don't know how/what to do

and by can't do anything I don't mean in life in general. I mean about getting out of my parents house so I can be free from them and fond a safe and comfortable place. I can't afford it alone obviously. I unfortunately need other people on my life, as much as i wish i could be a lone gremlin human and never need others. and that's the part I have no clue how to do. if the only humans who want me aren't attainable, then what? i've tried for over a decade and only had failures because people are unreliable and turn on me without warning, after i'm the only one who puts effort into trying to help us escape our situations. i'm TIRED. I can't keep trying to do everything alone and end up hurt and betrayed by fake friends. i'm so tired.

(if anyone reads this, don't try to comfort me because it won't work. if you relate, you can share that because that's fine. if you want to help me by being a candian who can sponsor me to move there then that's even more acceptable 🤣 if you find you cant stand me after im permanently there, i'll appreciate your help and let you go lmao)

[2smolbeans]

Part 1 Part 2 character info

Love Me, Love Me Not (2.5)

Yandere Best Friend x Obstacle Reader

Summary: You begin to contemplate your relationship with Marco after he's kept you long enough inside his apartment while sending you a few mixed signals..

Tags: One-sided relationship (?), potential poly with one yan and two poor darlings, kidnapping, hostage keeping, mixed feelings, yan best friend, belittling, isolation, nsfw implications, he's in love with his darling- but he's also interested with you.., just me rambling before I put part 3

*unedited

Disclaimer: This is just a scenario I thought of with an Oc! So nothing is really 'official' or canon to the orignal storyline--

_________________________

It's been what? Two months or so, ever since Marco had kept you locked up inside his cozy apartment. Every day is a blur. You always had a hard time telling what time or month it was. Same routine, same everything. It was tiringly comforting. It made you feel safe knowing what would happen. Marco would leave in the morning for work. You'd be left in the apartment to your own devices. Hours would pass, he'd come home, and you'd lock yourself in your room. You didn't have to worry about work. You didn't have to worry about chores. Your only worry was cleaning the place and looking pretty. But. That same routine was starting to eat at you. The desperation in something new was beginning to knaw at you. You wanted more. You felt like a zoo animal kept in captivity. You want to go outside to see the streets - hell to at least go inside a supermarket! Anything!

You're confused about the relationship that the two of you share. He hates you, but he wants you by his side. He often belittes you whenever he has the chance. Going out of his way to demean you with every chance he has. You want something? Well, why don't you go on your hands and knees and beg like the loyal dog you are? You want to talk to him? Well, why should he? Go on, convince him, and give him a reason why he should respond back to those dumb questions you're so persistent on asking.

But at the same time, he's clinging to you from the moment he gets home. Either sitting on the edge of your bed while he talks about his day at work. Cuddling right next to you without any say while you lazily switch through the tv channels. Or even on some nightly occasions, he's tightly snuggled up against you underneath the sheets of his bed. And on rare occasions.. He's often kissing the side of your neck with his hands in between your legs, whispering praises while he drinks in the sounds you make. Of course, only to then miserably make an excuse of how he was doing you a favor since he couldn't reciprocate those feelings for you. He was only making out with you out of pity! Wow, he must feel a lot of pity for you then for it to happen more than once...

What about your darling Marco?

You've asked him about it so many times. If he has her, then why is he doing those things with you? But, whenever you even bother bringing up the topic, he just shuts you up with a glare or threat. You're confused about him, and Marco, at times, seems confused about how he feels about you.. Oh well, it was a useless thought to dwell on. At the end of the day, Marco was a murderer who was soon going to kill you once he got tired of you. But what difference did it make? You were also one as well.. What better were you from him? Sure, you were pressured by him to commit the murders you did.. But you could've at least fought back? Why didn't you fight back? God, why couldn't you have tried to show some restraint? Your life or theirs, you should've at least died trying..

Does that matter anymore? You shouldn't care about that anymore. What's done is done. You should get over it. You don't care if you're being selfish. You want a fresh start. You want to be outside again. You look outside the window, looking down as you see the streets and people who walk around freely.

Just how long was this going to last?

.

.

.

__________________________

[f3296]

Hi I just feel like I need to ramble and maybe some one else out there feels the same way. So in the AOT I’m not all that big on ships just because shipping really isn’t my thing but I do enjoy it to an extent. I consider myself to be a multi shipper because again the relationships in AOT are so complex and I love all the characters and their dynamics. My biggest “ship” would be Eurihan just because that trio to me is all sorts of fun and I love their dynamic.

But with that being said, I find myself to be drifting farther and farther away from the Eruri aspect just because as I continue to reread the manga and pay attention to the themes of the story canonically speaking I don’t actually see any “romance” between them. The Fannon concepts of Eruri are fun and beautifully tragic with the fan arts and stories especially in modern AU. They are a very attractive couple and I fully understand the hype but canonically speaking I just don’t see it anymore. I love their dynamic as a whole and brings such a complex look to both Levi and Erwins character that their friendship is something to admire.

And with that being said I feel their complexity of characters and their story gets lost within the fandom. I think the term that is used is “shipping goggles” when canon stuff of the original story gets lost or replaced for the sake of the ship. Which in this case I feel happens a lot in Eruri specifically.

Now I really don’t want people to feel I am bashing Eruri. I’m obviously a fan with my own fan art and my interactions with mutuals so please no one take offense. This is just a quirk I have in every fandom when canon material gets lost for the sake of a ship.

Specifically with Levi.

Now I understand my biases consider Levi is my favorite character and I truly Kin him. But when I watch edits or read DJs or even just scrolling through things like tumblr or Twitter I find myself avoiding the Eruri tags because I get so frustrated when all I see if Levi’s entire character being based around Erwin. The concept that Levi is only alive to fulfill Erwins promise or he only fights for Erwin and completely derailing his character to be centered around Erwin is frustrating.

Levi fights for all the scouts since the very beginning. When else first meet him and he promises the dying scout he would eradicate the Titans, this is a shared dream the scouts had and has said he will do what he can for All of them. Not just Erwin.

Now this isn’t to disregard Erwins importance to Levi. Erwin gave him a purpose to live, he was his friend and trusted comrade and felt he was the best for humanity. Erwin is important to Levi no one is saying other wise. He just isn’t the center of Levi’s world.

Levi trusted Erwin because he saw something bigger than himself and Levi wanted to help Erwin get there because Levi himself if a very loving and selfless character. This I find to be so beautiful of Levi’s (and mikasas) character.

When Levi learns the truth behind Erwins actions and his selfish reasons to fight for humanity was for the sake of seeing in the basement really sent Levi into turmoil. (I feel this is WITs fault for not expressing this properly in the anime) this is why he continued to pester and push Erwin to know his motives past the basement, because Levi wanted to believe he was this selfless leader he had been finessed into believing he was (because we can’t forget canonically speaking Erwin is a con man and enjoys gambling which makes him and great leader)

Levi tells Erwin to die so he would continue to go down with the facade he was a selfless leader and to continue to live up to the expectation. Levi accepted this fault of Erwin just as he had accepted the faults of all his comrades and their selfish actions.

Levi was canonically devoted to Erwin, but not in the romantic way.

Erwin also never expressed a “interest” in Levi in that matter outside of their friendship and Levi’s abilities. It also should keep in mind that Erwin was ultimately in love with Marie, and chose not to have a family and a wife (which he actually wanted) to avoid having a widow. We can head cannon all day long about how “he realized in his last moments” or “behind the scenes” or interpreting smart press stories a certain way to fit the narrative but it’s just important to remember the difference between cannon material and your own HCs.

Now I know a lot of people will read this and think “wow a levihan shipper wrote this” and you would be right I also ship levihan as well. And they are also not cannon in a relationship as well but the romantic implications for them specifically cannot be ignored because you don’t like them. Levi and Hange are canonically best friends. They are known as the “abnormals” of the scouts. They know each other the best. Their relationship is so complex it cannot be defined as a friendship. (Even Moblit admits he doesn’t have a bond with Hange like Levi does) and it’s okay if you just see them as friends, and I honestly don’t blame a lot of people who do considering WIT really bit the bullet with missing key Levi and Hange moments to better fit their dynamic (I’ve seen people say they aren’t even good friends and that breaks my heart they are besties )

And honestly why wouldn’t you want to ship levihan? This ship in my opinion is the least problematic with the least controversy to it. It’s comforting and sweet and gives a sense of love and family. It’s literally a best friends-> lovers trope. Their friendship is what makes this ship in my opinion so pure and honestly why I fall in love with it more everyday.

And I know some will say “what about Moblit?” And honestly, it bothers me how much he is used to argue levihan because I ultimately feel his character also gets dumbed down as a default for Hange just for shipping and it bothers me too.

*and honestly guys Hange and Moblit isn’t even that great in a ship since considering Moblit became an anxious alcoholic trying to take care of Hange and Hange would get so caught up with their work they wouldn’t even notice. NOTE: they obviously cared for each other as comrades and Moblit felt Hange was needed for humanities survival and cared for them obviously but just my opinion I don’t see that ship working in my opinion.

But in reality guys, I never saw any of these characters “getting together” because they’re soldiers. Their hearts were dedicated to the cause of saving humanity first so that’s the beauty of AOT and the ambiguity of the characters relationships with one another because ultimately they all have attributes to love and benefit each other. Even with the forest scene and the plane for Levi and Hange, I never expected A “happy ending” for them in the sense of platonic or romantic because that doesn’t fit their canon narratives. Levi was destined to be the last soldier standing and brings the complexity of being the perfect soldier with a human heart.

*though the implication of romantic feelings never being acted on were there because they indeed paralleled with eren and mikasa

Levi’s literally means “attached” he attaches himself to the people he cares about and dedicated his strength and ability to help others gain their hopes and dreams.

Erwin tragically lost his humanity to become the devil for the sake of humanity which ultimately left him fruitless to his venture.

Hange taking on the burden of making the tough decisions and shouldering the weight of the deaths of the soldiers and Erwins legacy left them feeling loss and useless until their sacrifice.

All these characters have such complexity to them, they are all deeper than their fannon ship and should be appreciated and the narrative shouldn’t be shifted for the sake of a ship.

Levi didn’t fight to the end for just Erwin he did it for all of them.

So again, sorry for my rambles and I hope there will be those who read this and understand where I am coming from with this and understand though I will continue to ship all three, it still makes me sad I feel I can’t interact with some without them destroying entire characters for the sake of the ship.

So again love ships not ship wars. That’s the fun part when ships aren’t cannon you can just mix and match whenever you feel like it ❤️❤️

[ikesenlemonadestandstories]

Level 4

How is everyone doing? Are you enjoying the seasonal shorts? I hope so :) I’m getting ready to head out of town for the Holiday’s but never fear! I’ve got everything all cued up for your viewing enjoyment!

Tagging: @loudartanimeeclipse

Master List here or check the tag Ikesen AFK.

Warnings: None

Happy Reading! T~

Level 4

You logged yourself in at 6:35pm. Deciding that it would be a good idea to get all your shopping done before you were supposed to meet up with everyone. You didn’t want to be the only one unprepared. Then Yuki’d really never let you hear the end of it, and you super didn’t want to deal with that. With the flick of your joystick, you headed for the market to grab the lance you’d been eyeing for a week now. Making sure to snack between conversations with the shopkeepers. 

Once your business in town was finished, you headed to your meeting point, arriving with five minutes to spare. After a few moments of fiddling around with your headset, your control began to vibrate.

*Nin-nin0217 has invited you to a group chat.*

With a smile on your face, you happily accepted. 

Braves6Coins → Yo! Where you at? 

Nin-nin0217 → She’s sitting over there. Near that bush.

With a smile on your face you prompted your avatar to wave. Sticking your tongue out at Yuki when he flipped you the bird.

Ur a child. ← WildCyt0m3try

TigerOfKai681 → Oho, she’s got spirit. I like it. The name suits you, Wild.

God_of_War → We’re wasting time. Let’s go

RoseW@terHeals010 → Were you seriously about to leave with out me!? Jeeze, hold your horses wouldya

God_of_War → The only one here with a horse is Brave, and you and I both know he’s got no clue how to ride it.

Braves6Coins → Hey! Wth man!

God_of_War → Are you done? Can we go? 

RoseW@terHeals010 → Oh my gosh. @Brave6Coins did that hurt? Do you need ice?

Braves6Coins → Shove it!

TigerOfKai681 → Now, now. Is that any way to talk to a lady?

Fine_as_art1156 → Technically no, but how can you be so sure Rose is, in fact, a lady? Depending on stat growth, it makes more sense to play as a female character if one wishes to have access to the gremory class later on.

RoseW@terHeals010 → Now that’s just uncalled for. I’m a bonafide female. Both Brave and Nin can vouch for me there. 

Brave6Coins → Who said I wanted too? 

Nin-nin0217 → Rose is indeed a female.

RoseW@aterHeals010 → Thank you Nin! At least someone here wants to be healed today. 

God_of_War → If you don’t plan on doing your job, why did you even bother showing up?

RoseW@terHeals010 → I came specifically to piss you off.

TigerOfKai681 → Ladies, gentlemen, War...we have a guest, we’re being very rude.

You’re being hysterical, is what you’re being. xD You guys are crazy! ← WildCyt0m3try

TigerOfKai681 → Happy we could entertain you, my lady. *bows*

You rolled your eyes at the wall of text that quickly began turning into another argument. At least this wouldn’t be boring. How did they find the time to get anything done bickering like this? You wondered as you followed them out of town and into the swap map. At least you’d get to take out a few good beasties tonight.

The group of you weren’t on the map long before you got the notification to turn your headset on. 

“Is everyone here?” A voice you knew to be Sasuke’s asked over the intercom.

“Yes.” A deep baritone came through your speakers. It came out a low rumble though a bit domineering, instantly commanding your attention. Who the hell was that? 

“Tiger of Kai also present.” The light tone of his voice made you smile, that certainly wasn’t what you had been expecting. At least his response narrowed down your question.

“Fine Art is here.” His voice lower, yet slightly more nasally than Tiger’s, though he spoke slower with a draw on his vowels. 

“Brave checking in. I’m all good to go!” Yuki’s voice played, urgent and familiar as ever. 

“Rose here, reporting for duty.” The soft soprano of your friend’s voice was in stark contrast to the voices she followed. 

“Wild is present.” You spoke into your microphone, choosing to speak after everyone else had gone through the roll call, oddly nervous for them to hear your voice. 

“Oh, see! Wild most certainly is a girl!” Tiger exclaimed in excitement. “No, a woman. With the voice of a goddess!”

“Uh, I think that may be a bit much.” You responded, wondering if this guy was for real. Then again, Rose had warned you at lunch he was a major flirt.

“She’s a boar is what she is,” Yukimura called out over Tiger’s ramblings. 

“So you know Wild as well then?” Art questioned over the ensuing argument. 

“Does it matter?” The man you assumed by now was War asked, the exasperation clear in his voice. “Can we get on with this quest? Or do you all plan to just stand around and blather all day?”

“I’m just trying to get to know my teammates,” Tiger responded defensively. 

“Best not to let him get to know you too well, ladies,” Sasuke responded, sending the whole group into a tizzy. It wasn’t often that anyone got to hear him use that tone of voice. 

You were so busy enjoying the conversation the group had to offer you almost missed the change in music as you pushed forward through the swamp.

“Uh guys, beasties. Twelve o’clock.” You called over the mic. Taking down a low-level monster that had come careening through the forest in your direction. 

The entire group sprung into action, moving around the map to better defend yourselves and the area. It didn’t take long to take care of the surprise attack, and the intercom system came back to life quickly as everyone became less concentrated on using their unit for battle. 

“So, you’re not completely useless.” War commented as you hacked at another enemy. 

“Uh, thanks. I think?” You responded in near confusion as a new mission header popped up across your display. 

*Mission: Defend the base for 12 turns, or defeat all of the enemies. Fail: The base falls, all units defeated.*

It looked easy enough, but that didn’t mean anything. This game was quickly becoming known for its ridiculous curveballs. With its initial success and players becoming more and more adept at defeating the challenges, the creators had become increasingly creative at taking down the higher ranking players. So it was better to watch out. Especially with someone in a Master Class on the team. The last thing you wanted to do was be smacked across the swamp by some weird-ass beast that regenerated every two turns if you couldn’t defeat it fast enough. Not on your to-do list for the evening. 

As each player accepted the mission, positions were distributed, and the map was enlarged in the top left corner of your TV. So you had all been separated. 

“So, what’s the plan? It looks like they divided us to the far corners, with Art being the closest to the base. Are we all bee-lining to take defensive measures, or do we just want to cut down anything we come across?” You asked wondering how your new team wanted to go about this.

“A beautiful voice and brains! Where did you find this woman?” Tiger asked in a sing-song voice.

“In a dungeon. Can we please move on?” Yukimura seethed. Technically he wasn’t wrong. You and Rose did work in the basement of the hospital, it was an apt nickname for the lab. 

“I say we split the jobs.” Sasuke cut in. “Tiger, you’re not going to make it very far, so I say you do what you can and obliterate anything that’s dumb enough to get near you.”

“That I can do.” The smile was evident in Tiger’s voice. 

“Art, are you okay to hold down the fort? Blow things away from a distance? We’ll send Wild in as back-up. Her movement stat is exceptional, and she can cover the most ground the fastest.” Sasuke suggested, and you preened internally at the compliment.

“I would love back-up. Wild, whenever you can get here would be wonderful.” Art spoke through his mic. 

“Rose, you should work your way towards the middle of the field where that forest is. You can hide in the terrane while also healing using your wide faith magic range to your advantage.”

“Roger that,” Rose responded with enthusiasm. 

“Brave, since you’re on the horse do what you can to take out as many beasts as you can before they reach Rose. Once you get there and the forest is secured for her, make your way around the field.” Sasuke suggested.

“So take down as many beasts as possible for Rose. Got it.” Yuki replied, a little too smug.

“War, please feel free to do as you always do,” Sasuke spoke, quick to interject the fight that was bound to start with Yuki and Rose. 

“Of course.” His voice was drawn out, and you could sense the smile. War was going to enjoy this. 

“I’ll wander the map, open up any gates and chest I see before making my way towards the base. Sound like a plan?”

“A very good one.” You replied, excited for the battle to begin. The muddled confirmation of your teammates could be heard in your headset. You couldn’t make much out with everyone talking at once, but that didn’t matter to you. This was still going to be a blast. 

[gillianfoster]

hey nerd pt. 2

who ya gonna call?

richie: hey how’d sleep go?

eddie: i mean. it could have been worse

richie: meaning?

eddie: meaning the dream was. different. it wasn’t as bad.

richie: you wanna talk about it?

eddie: i don’t know i mean it’s kind of dumb it just

eddie: like the bad part was still there it was just everyone like all the other losers were there too. and you guys saved me. like it went from that. thing the scary thing into this weird fucking clown and then we all beat it up

richie: that sounds sick except i fucking hate clowns

eddie: it was pretty awesome. you hit it with a baseball bat

richie: wow yeah i would absolutely beat the shit out of a clown with a baseball bat, especially if it said that shit to you

eddie: wow my hero

richie: i’m only doing my job sir

eddie: you’re the worst. i’ve gotta go i’m gonna be late for class

richie: talk to you later

The Losers Squad™

richie: do you guys think you could bribe eddie into sending me a voice message

bill: you know he’ll see this later, right?

richie: well yeah but he’s in class. even if he does scroll up it’ll be too late

mike: why do you wanna bribe him why don’t you just ask him

richie: i mean i did once. it’s been a while i guess

ben: i’d love to know what all you guys sound like! i mean richie i know what you sound like from your videos and voices and stuff but i don’t know what the rest of you sound like!

richie: are we all gonna send voice messages that would actually be sick

mike: sure i’ll do it

bill: do we have to

bev: do you not want to bill?

bill: i mean. not really

ben: why not?

bill: i just don’t really want you guys to hear me, there’s a reason i don’t do stuff like that. and why i just play music when i draw.

richie: oh. yeah, dude, you don’t have to.

bill: thanks richie

bill: i’d still like to hear you guys though? i think people should if they’re comfortable sharing.

richie: i mean i’ll fucking do it

richie: [0:32] Okay actually this is really fucking awkward I have no idea what to say. I don’t think I’ve ever talked in my own normal voice to you guys for this long. Or. You know where you guys could hear it. Maybe once to Eddie, but that’s. Y’know. Okay this is fucking weird I’m done now, bye.

ben: oh richie you’re right i’m not sure i’ve ever heard you not doing a voice before!

richie: this is weirder than i thought it would be i’m never talking again

stan: Well that would be a miracle

ben: oh hi stan!

stan: I’m in for the voice message thing if you guys want

stan: [0:28] For once I have to say, Richie is right. This is very strange. But hi, everyone. I hope you’re all doing well. I hope classes are good. Actually Richie may have downplayed just how weird this is, this is weird shit, I’m gonna go ahead and stop now.

mike: i mean i don’t think it’d be this weird if we all did it more often you know, but since this is the first time

mike: [0:48] Hey, guys! So - sorry ignore the chickens in the background, I’m outside working. So I guess you can sort of get a feel for what it’s actually like where I live! It sounds like this basically all the time. I mean, less so in the house, but once you’re anywhere near the chickens. I’m talking about the chickens too much, aren’t I? We have other animals, too. Not that I’m just gonna talk about animals. Uh. I love you guys. Hope you’re good. I really think we should do this more often, just. As a way to talk and stuff? It’s kind of cool.

ben: so i can’t actually send one right now because i’m on the quiet floor in the library, but i will later!

bev: i can do one now

bev: [0:24] Hey, losers. I have to agree with Mike that this is kind of neat. It’d be nice to get across tone sometimes, y’know? And it’s easier to tell stories this way, like if I had a big thing I wanted to tell you guys, something that happened in a class or something that I didn’t wanna post on tumblr where it might get like a thousand notes out of nowhere. Just my two cents.

ben: bev you have such a good voice!

bev: aw thanks ben <3

bill: it’s really nice to hear all you guys. and i’m excited to hear yours, too, ben.

bev: bill do you wanna say why you don’t wanna do one?

bill: not right now

eddie: boy you go to one class and you miss fucking everything, huh. don’t you guys have class?

richie: not this early spaghetti man, you’re the only one that hates yourself that much

eddie: rich oh my god please

eddie: also oh my god that was like a hundred years ago you asked me for a voice message i’d send you one now

eddie: i just. sort of hate my voice.

richie: what why??????

ben: eddie :(

eddie: it’s just like. really kind of. high pitched. i don’t know i don’t like it

bill: eddie would you feel better if i did one

eddie: oh bill you don’t have to

bill: i will if you will

eddie: you wanna tell us why first?

bill: yeah i guess i should, before i do.

bill: i just have a stutter. i have since i was a kid. i’ve done some speech therapy so it’s not as bad as it used to be. just. i kind of like that it doesn’t come across online

bev: bill i’m sure you still sound great

bill: i just didn’t want you guys to think of me like that

mike: it won’t change anything bill. you’re still everyone’s favorite

richie: i abstain from picking favorites

mike: you’re everyone but richie’s favorite, but don’t take that personally, we all know who his favorite is

richie: you don’t have to call me out like this mike

eddie: what who’s richie’s favorite?

bev: oh my god you’re all useless. except bill, bill you’re not useless and please feel free to send us a message at any time and put us all out of our misery

bill: [0:53] S-s-sorry I have to talk sort of. Slow. It helps with the... stutter. When I slow down. Like Mike said I hope you’re all having a good day. Eddie I hope this makes you feel better about sharing. I guess I w-wouldn’t mind doing this more now that we’ve done it. I’m not s-sure. I’m not sure what else to say either, though. I love you guys. I know if we’d met and you’d heard me we’d still be friends anyways, I just. You know it was nice to know you didn’t know and you c-c-couldn’t change your mind based on that. Oh. And G-georgie says hi to everyone.

eddie: god i guess that means it’s my turn

eddie: [0:34] Okay, hi. Hi, everyone. I think I’m just sort of self-conscious because people have like said stuff to me before about how gay I sound, which. Obviously that shouldn’t bother me, I am gay, but it’s also more than a little annoying, I don’t know. I’m sure you guys get it, you always get it. Um. Hi, Richie. God this is weird to know this is the first time you’re hearing me talk if you hate my voice don’t say anything. I’m gonna stop talking now.

richie: eddie oh my god

eddie: oh god i mean it don’t say anything

richie: i love your voice and i will fight anyone who’s ever said anything to you

eddie: oh

ben: everyone sounds great, i love you guys!

bill: yeah i have to say i love you guys, too

stan: Ditto

richie: I Love Everyone In This Chat

eddie: love you guys

mike: oh man i love you guys too

bev: this is so sweet, i feel the power of gay friendship in this chili’s tonight

bev: i’m screenshotting that

bev: ben don’t forget to send your voice message when you can!

ben: yeah i’m leaving the library now!

ben: [0:42] Gosh, okay, hey guys! It feels like there’s so much pressure now that I’m last that’s so weird. Um. So I was just in the library, like I said, and I was on the silent floor, and this guy at the next table just had like a bunch of hard-boiled eggs with him? I guess it was a snack or something but it was one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen in the library. He was also clearly not a student, so that was interesting. Overall pretty weird. Just thought I’d take the chance to share.

richie: ben holy shit

bill: oh wow thank you for that ben

ben: i really don’t think i could have made that up if i tried

stan: Tag yourself i’m the egg guy

richie: stan you would be the fucking egg guy

mike: stan aren’t you vegan?

stan: That’s the joke, Michael

richie: lksjdflkjasldfkjlkjas fuck

eddie: richie you’re such a dumbass

richie: yeah fine but i’m your dumbass

eddie: literally in what sense are you my dumbass, i am not responsible for you

richie: okay well you got me there

bev: bill does it ever get any less painful you’ve known them the longest

bill: no not really

richie: what the fuck are you guys talking about?

eddie: seriously

bev: nothing

who ya gonna call?

richie: can you send me another voice message. but like here? so it’s just. here?

eddie: why?

richie: i kind of just want one. is that okay?

eddie: yeah okay, i guess that’s only fair after all the ones you’ve sent me

eddie: [2:03] Hey. Okay. So. Hi, Richie. This is. Still kind of weird? I guess it’s less weird now that I know you know what I sound like. That’s. Actually kind of nice that you know and you’re not laughing at me secretly. I think I’d know if you were. God, how long have we known each other? It’s like. Multiple years now isn’t it? That’s fucking crazy, Rich. I just can’t believe you live in California, it’s so far. I’d have to fly, and it’s expensive, it - not. Not saying you’d want me to visit. I mean, okay, I guess we have kind of established it would be nice to meet, right? So that’s not weird for me to say. I don’t know. Do you ever... Do you ever think about... I don’t know how to put this. Just sometimes I think about the people who like go to your college that see you every day and don’t. Appreciate that. I know you have people you talk to at school, you’ve told me about some of them, but I still feel like they don’t know how lucky they are that they actually get to know you. God okay, that actually is weird to say, isn’t it? And this is kind of getting long, this is way longer than anything anyone sent to the group chat today, and now I’m sort of rambling, I’m sorry. I kind of like talking at you, I think. Maybe we should. Do this more. And you should definitely send me messages not in a voice more. You have a good voice you know? Like it’d be a good radio voice. Not that people listen to the radio. But maybe like a good podcast voice. Okay, god, I’m done now. Sorry.

richie: oh wow

eddie: i’m sorry that was weird wasn’t it

richie: eds no it’s fine

eddie: okay. if you say so

richie: should i send you one?

eddie: yeah. please. if you want to

richie: [3:11] Okay. God this is really weird like having no intention of doing a voice at you and just. sending you this. I mean I’ve sent you dumb jokes but I really don’t know that I’ve even sent you a full length message like this like. As me. Still, I’m gonna. I’m gonna talk about the stuff you talked about and maybe then you’ll feel less weird. So. It’s not weird that you wanna fly here. If I had the money I’d be at your school like literally every weekend, Eds. You’re my best friend. You’d  pretty much never get rid of me. But I don’t have any fucking money so we’re just kind of stuck like this, which is dumb. Someday one of us’ll have money, though. And I... I actually think about that. All the fucking time. I mean the shit you said about... about how people that get to see you every day are so fucking lucky and they have no idea? Just. I think about that all the time. And especially today when you said people talk shit about your voice, your voice is perfect, Eds. It’s. It sounds just like. You. Like it sounds like you. It’s not how I pictured you sounding because I didn’t know how to imagine your voice, you know? But now that I’ve heard it, that’s your voice. You know? See now I make even less sense than you, does that make you feel better? Fuck. Uh. What else did you say? I guess that’s sort of it, huh? So now it’s time for me to pull some dumb shit or come up with a story to tell you so you can forget all the other shit I just said. So. Oh! Yeah I’ve got one. Okay so the other day I was at the arcade - it’s actually a barcade because nobody has fucking arcades anymore which is the bane of my existence, but they don’t card on like early weekday nights so if I go on Monday or Tuesday and get there early enough I can go downstairs and play arcade games, so. I was down there, and I spent most of my money fucking around on Street Fighter like I always do, but then I was running low on tokens, and I decided I’d play some skeeball, which seemed like. Complete boring and normal, especially since I was totally sober, but I guess my hands were like sweaty from all the Street Fighter or something, and when I went to throw the first ball, I just fucking chucked it, and it bounced off the machine and cracked the plastic thing at the top, and then when it came back it like hit me directly in the face. Not my nose or anything, so nothing was broken but. Let me tell you, skeeballs are not soft. In any capacity. Just if you ever wondered. If you wanted to know. Anyways, you don’t have to be worried I’m not really hurt, so hopefully it’s just funny and now you’ll just forget literally everything else that I’ve said. Oh God this one is longer than yours now. Like by a lot. Shit. Uh. Right I’m gonna stop recording now and shut up, so. I hope this is good enough.

eddie: thanks rich

richie: for what?

eddie: i don’t know, i mean. all of it mostly

richie: yeah, alright you sap

eddie: don’t ruin it fuckface

richie: now who’s ruining it?

eddie: i’m glad that you said that stuff about us hanging out though because i might have. figured something out the other day

eddie: i’m not saying anything yet because there’s absolutely nothing solid happening but. i had an idea

richie: so you’re not sharing the idea you’re just gonna leave me here to suffer

eddie: yep

richie: that’s just mean eds

eddie: that’s possible

eddie: i’m actually surprisingly tired tonight i think i’m gonna go to bed

richie: you sure? i can stay up for a bit with you if you need me to

eddie: no i think i’ll be okay, but thank you

richie: yeah of course

eddie: love you rich <3 talk to you tomorrow

richie: love you too. talk to you tomorrow eds

[smittenbysizablesinners-blog]

About Me

Name: Ronnie (Ron/Ronn or Ronnster is an okay substitute) | I also go by Tequila sometimes. (or Tequi for short). So that would leave ~5 suitable names to address me by! I have no preferences out of them.

Age: in my 20s (probably older than you :P)

Sex+Gender: CisFemale Sexuality: Heteromantic Pansexual (*maybe* more on demiromantic range in romantic-ness... or i’m just super awkward/easily entertained. maybe all of the above, haha) Height: 5′5″ (i don’t rp as myself really so it’s not like this info is relevant. lol. i wish i wasn’t quite as tall.. like being like 4′11 - 5′2 would have been nice... but i’m under 5′6″, albeit just barely, so that’s good at least i s’pose..) Ethnicity: Italian/Eastern European/English/German (+small bit of Turkish) American (basically Caucasian but I have a dark skin tone for a caucasian - olive skin from my Southern Italian and Eastern European (Slavic) [plus that tiny bit of Turkish in me] heritage). I’m technically Jewish as well as my mom’s mom’s mom (my great grandma) was Jewish and so on, but my grandma and mother were raised Catholic, and my dad was raised Catholic so I was raised Catholic (before I left the church as a teen / around 9th grade i left. Shortly after being confirmed in reality, ahaha xD;) Job: Unemployed atm *sobs* but sometimes i help friends or family with odds and ends for money. i used to do colouring commissions (digital). But I usually too to long and would end up feeling guilty about that so i stopped... And now I’m busier than before so I’d like to create content on my own terms with the free time i have. i’m also a student again. Psychology was a mistake. Now going for a International Politics/Studies/Relatioins | Global Peacekeeping degree and my goal is either to do something for state department or work for a non profit or something. I don’t aim to be rich and super successful. Simply being safe, happy, and satisfied is good enough for me. Though perhaps this stunts my motivation towards bettering myself (through good work ethic and stuff. i’m kind of a procrastinating potato person). Likes: G/t (hence having two G/t blogs; G/t is giant/tiny. if you aren’t cool w/ that then idk why you are here??? this blog is for G/t. Not necessarily sfw stuff either. This blog is NC-17+! (so if you are 16 or younger gtfo); I also like everything International - cultures; politics; languages ; architecture; art; FOOD :9 ; places; fauna; I LOVE CELEBRATING THE DIVERSITY OF THIS PLANET  TTvTT ; I’m  a rather liberal person socially, politically and so on. I will never be okay with bigotry of any kind. And I will not tolerate it. Nor bullying. Uhm. Let’s see. i’m kinda sorta socialist and thus kinda have some disdain towards capitalism I’m pro-choice but I hope that you have a good reason for it and not just because “it feels better w/o the condom”; if your all about that, i’d suggest maybe female condoms - though a little wonky at first - they allow for more sensation on both sides. They also can be used as ‘dental dams’. And i’m fairly certain they are free  w/ most insurances. And they can be put in and stay in for hours before use - so you (if female) good go out and have fun and hook up and not ruin the heat of the moment by condom putting on and stuff. Just saying. (hey this IS a nsfw blog, might as well give some nsfw advice haha.) I’m agnostic though I’m sorta leaning towards atheism. I’m just do paranoid/unsure of everything to totally discount religion/a higher being/etc. I just  sorta seriously doubt it. I am not fond of how religion has affected this planet now and throughout the past. But I can’t deny there are benefits to being religious and don’t hold it against people for being religious nor do i blame certain religions for the world’s problems. And Islamophobia, Antisemitism and anything anti-religion in such ways as the two before mentioned things counts as bigotry in my book and if you recall i don’t tolerate bigotry of any kind! I think the world kind sucks because people kinda suck in general, haha. I will never judge anyone personally. I may feel on the inside personal/hurt/angry feels, but I will do my best not to let it cloud my judgement of anyone permanently and it would take a LOT of hate and harassment for me to block anyone. I don’t like blocking people. I feel that is sorta like denying a person’s existence and sorta says ‘you aren’t worthwhile as a person’. And you have to be a total all-encompassing shithead for me to think that. That being said, I know some people with block very easily and my blog just being nsfw content-friendly would lead to blocking. a message stating why you are blocking me - especially if it’s nothing personal - would be nice, however, as I’m a VERY PARANOID person. Speaking of paranoia. I’m mentally ill. This is really  why I write and/or talk a lot. It is a habit out of nerves and awkwardness. And my poor attention span makes long conversation hard - barring if going off into tangets is okay. I will do that a lot. I have one mode and that mode is stream of conciousness. I know my use of many many words can be annoying. Trust me. I know. Please don’t harass me about it. If it truly makes you anxious, reach out to me, and I will try hard to be more concise when reblogging you or if ever addressing you. That is if you’d feel comfortable asking me this. I may not block people easily, but that doesn’t mean won’t. And that’s just a reality that I have to live with. I accept this. But yeah, basically if I upset you in anyway, let me know! I am always trying to better myself. The hardest thing for me would be to not ramble. If it’s something like a certain topic or word bothers you. And I’m currently not tagging it. Let me know. I’m gonna try and be super diligent (and not so rambly) with tags on this particular blog at the very least. though i should do that on every blog tbh...) Anyways, back to being mentally ill. I have Bipolar Disorder Type II (maybe, that is. just switched psychiatrists and my new one things I may just have regular general depressive disorder as my “up” moments are very infrequent and all I really do is be more impulsive/talkative/jittery/etc than usual... and my mood tends to be good when ‘up’.. too bad it comes with the loss of common sense. I don’t do anything physically dangerous though. Worst would be buying something expensive and stupid for no good reason. I’ve done that a few times. 0/10 would recommend, haha. I also have OCD (which is like useless. it gives me extreme focus, but mostly with dumb things - lists, aphabetizing things, researching stuff on the Internet, basically the only good thing is that I can research like a boss, though bad thing is that i end up spending way too much time researching and over do it... I already mentioned my anxiety awhile back, but I’ve been diagnosed with both General Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder (i can practically be agoraphobic sometimes and have reculsive spells both online and off - which is why i probably will disappear at some point. maybe i’d come back. maybe i wouldn’t. and if i come back, it could be years before i do. i don’t know so you definitely wouldn’t know so puh-lease do not get attached to me ;___; G/t stuff: The truth is - I mostly like fluff and nice, kind, sfw stuff. At least as a viewer. As I content creator, I like to experiment and broach all kinds of topics, some sensitive. I will have characters that are genuinely bad people. Often I like dark characters that go through some sort of redemption. But I’ve toyed with doing something that is akin to ‘the making of a villain’ where a character starts out benevlent and than after going through some stuff, becomes malicious, perhaps downright evil even... a loss of self maybe have ocurred. I am not shy in having characters with imperfections, but in a realistic way that isn’t bad. I mean, it’s not ideal, but it happens. like blindness or a missing limb. many scars. mental illnesses are frequent in my characters and sometimes in a criminally insane way. However, I aim to reflect reality in such sort of topics, so of course criminally insane characters would be a very small minority compared to perfectly safe mentally ill characters. But, in any case, as I said, I plan on using extensive tags this blog WILL have (some) VORE. But it is NOT the focus of the blog and I don’t really draw vore - well i haven’t really done so yet... And in writing, I tend to making a horror element. Though I am somewhat fond of  “safe” (platonic or not) vore.. I’m rather confused about it and have a hard time considering plausible within my own content. So in my writing it would be fatal and not with any main characters of anything...mostly just poor SOBs and such... Basically, it would be quality content for the vore community as it would likely portray vore as despicable and wrong. As, in a real life scenario, that would be a correct assumption. These would be worlds w/o safe vore (barring i guess immediate puking, but i’m actually kinda disturbed/freaked by things vomit-related. So I’m not sure i’d be able to write that... Maybe i could. It’s just RL vomit that causes me to panic and cry. Drawn stuff or written stuff, as long as it’s not too descriptive or realistic doesn’t really bother me, though i’m not sure i’d say i like it.). Some vore stuff actually upsets me. But thing with me is, I never know when something is going to upset (aka make me cry/angry/uncomfortable/panicky) or whatever, so I just live with any unfortunate run ins with feels as it happens and then move on. Unless, I feel it is condoning a poor behavior and gives a message that is not in line with what you (the writer) indicates it is, then I’ll just nothing. And if i do say something, it won’t be in a hostile way, it would just be hey, x action actually kinda indicates y because of z. just thought i’d let you know if interpretations of this that reflects what i just by readers would bother you. if not, or if you disagree, than that’s cool too. I was just staying that just in case that would bother you and thus maybe you’d want to change things. but it’s totally your decision and i’m not pushing either way. blah blah some rambling because i’m trying not be offending while likely saying things that may offend. I have a hard time not being blunt and firm with my words. So basically take anything I say with a grain of salt. Sometimes I open my mouth when i shouldn’t. If I made you upset, just let me know what i did and why it upset you and i’ll apologize (within reason. like if you were a jerk and i was just like ‘oh stop that shit already’, i’m not gonna say sorry if you were legitmately being a jerk. but otherwise, i’m quick to say ‘sorry’. i’m always saying sorry. sometimes i’m wanting to say sorry but i’m too anxious too. so keep that in mind as well. Uhm. I like M/f and M/m content the most. F/f is p. cool too. Poly Relations that mixes M/m, M/f and/or F/f are cool too (all types of combos as long as there are no “m” with a “F”...not to knock on that, just isn’t my thing.. So yeah, as I hinted, i’m noot really a fan of F/m.. and I’m not gonna make much content with that (though i do have a canon F/m pairing in one of my worlds/series/story/idk what to call it. don’t expect much of them though.). But in all honest, there’s a lot of F/m stuff out there and my content isn’t mediocre at best so it’s not really a loss to the F/m community that i’m not doing much of that.Also, please don’t request content. I may see on your blog at some point you wish there was ‘x’ and/or ‘y’ content and this may prompt me to write or draw something like that. but it might not either. In a nutshell, I do what I what when I want. I know that’s kinda selfish but that mindset - when in connection with just leisure activities keeps me sane!You can ask any question. I just might not answer. If I’m not gonna answer, I respond with something random. And I’m unlikely to respond with drawings. Too much effort. Sorry.In theory, I’d like to RP. But I’m just not the right kind of person for a serious RP. i’d only want to do a detailed, literate story RP and i’d only be able to do like one respond a day - if that. So it’s kinda a waste of someone’s time to RP with me.  And I think I’d just prefer to write drabbles/one-shots or draw my characters or whatever. I don’t give my characters enough love. They kind just sorta chill in my mind not doing anything a vast majority of the time, haha xD So long story short, I’m not RPing currently. Sorry. And if/when I RP, I am not myself. I separate my interest/fantasy of G/t with my reality. Just trying to keep sane. Not trying to knock on people whom identify as a giant or tiny or whateverIDK what else to say. Probably am missing important stuff, while writing too much frivolous stuff, heh... I’ll probably edit this every now and that ^^