#why am i thinking abt this? that prev post but also the fact that today my libre fuckin died during the night and i woke up low

[landgraabbed]

honestly diabetes would be a great mechanic in survival and horror games but one that i fear wouldn't be fun to most people. maybe me included. but it'd add a whole new level to shit that would be wild to contend with

[aplaceforthesoul]

21/f hi, am I bad a person for resenting my bf's past? He's my 1st for everything&we've been going out for 10months. I love him very much but sometimes I get frustrated&bothered by the fact that he's had sex w/ multiple people in the past/has 2 exes. He's loyal kind&understanding even when I get moody. For example, sometimes I would get jealous fits where I'd start thinking abt the sexual experiences & get mad @ him for apparently no reason (to him) I think I'm jealous that he's had [cont.]

experiences before he met me & I don’t know what it’s like to also experience it. For some reason it makes me wish I could somehow get those experiences too. Like with his prev. ex they lived together on campus&bonded over photography&nature. I feel so jealous sometimes & even inadequate. He hooked up w/ someone before too (all of this happened b4 he met me) & I don’t know why but I’m getting emotional even as I type this. I guess when it comes down to it I just want to also have had some of these experiences. but i also love him so much? i don’t understand it. i’m trying so, so hard to come to terms with his past. It gets bad sometimes where I have to steer clear from thinking abt it or else it just ruins my mood. We’ve talked abt it before&we both agreed there’s nothing he could rlly do abt it bc it was in the past before he met me. I’ve been feeling this way every now&then for the past few months. How can I come to terms w this easier?

I don’t think that you’re a fundamentally bad person or anything? but this is definitely something that you need to move past from. the jealousy and resentment isn’t fair to your boyfriend, and it’s only toxic for you to keep getting anxious and upset over something you can’t change. 

I guess maybe it’s a case of ‘fomo’, fear of missing out? I can remember that I once was irrationally angry and jealous over a group of my friends going to a music festival, and I couldn’t come! \: and I spent the entire weekend being angry and jealous over thinking about all the good times they were having, and I wasn’t, it was awful. the resentment you feel is understandable, but not fair. and like your boyfriend’s past has nothing to do with you or your current relationship together! his past isn’t bad or morally wrong, it’s not something that can changed. 

how to deal with anxiety and future panic attacks over this? this post and this post could help you out too. plus!! sometimes saying things aloud can help? people really do underestimate the power of affirmations! so saying out loud “I’m not going to let my thoughts get the best of me today, I’m going to stay grounded, I’ve got this” or something like that really can help – it makes things feel a lot more real, and a lot more believable, it gives your words power, and gives you the strength to believe in your own convictions. so if there’s days where your thoughts are becoming too loud to cope with? stop whatever you’re doing, take a few deep breaths and say aloud to yourself “I’m not going to let my thoughts get the best of me today, I’m going to stay grounded, I’ve got this”. repeat it like a mantra if that works, whatever helps you.

it’s hard to move past something like this, when your emotions feel so powerful? but all you can is keep reminding yourself that your thoughts / feelings aren’t fair -- reminding yourself of that means that you stay aware of the fact that you need to change this feeling, it means that you’re less likely to get caught up with a skewed perception of things. remind yourself that you love your boyfriend and he loves you, that all you can do is focus on the present moment and not the past. take care

- tash