#why am i awake at 4 i am going to end it all

[existwound]

dont know if my body knows this. i actually LOVE sleeping like shit. what if i went insane

[cherryrikis]

ONE LESS LONELY GIRL - 006 ! first time for everything

PAIRING idols riki x fem reader

SYNOPSIS fans always point out the chemistry between you and riki, and it only continues to grow after you become mc’s together on music bank. but as your feelings rise, so does the tension. and people begin to notice, so you try not to let riki know how you feel. but unbeknownst to you, he feels entirely the same way.

authors note no update yesterday (sorryyy) bc i decided to actually take a break! ps wc is 1.7k.. i got a little carried away😭

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after giving riki your number less than 24 hours ago, he wasted no time to use it. you knew that he would eventually text or call you, it just wasn’t expected to be so soon.

so you were not expecting to wake up from a text from him.

you somewhat screamed out loud, dropping your phone on the floor. but as soon as danielle came rushing in from the other bedroom, your clarity hit.

the clock next to your bed read 4:59 am. you realized, it was the middle of the night. everyone was sleeping, until you woke up the people who were now in front of you.

“what? what is it?” danielle sat on your bed with hyein following soon after.

as she moved to lay down beside you, hyein stared at the other two girls who you shared a room with. minji and haerin were still fast asleep, having been used to your habit of being loud at the slightest inconvenience. especially since you were known to wake up in the middle of the night.

“he texted me at two in the morning, and i didn’t see till now!” you squealed.

danielle groaned in annoyance. “oh come on y/n! i almost actually slept good knowing we had no schedule today. now i’ll never be able to go back to sleep!”

hyein ignored her, turning her attention to you. she lifted her head up from your pillow before taking your phone.

“if your crush texted you in the middle of the night, you’d be the exact same way.” she squinted at danielle. “too bad i don’t like anyone then.”

they both read the text from riki, examining it.

“what the fuck? you woke us up for a ‘hey’?” hyein’s mood changed as she read the message out loud.

“well i didn’t open it! i just saw the notification..” you whined.

“wait! what? look, it says he’s texting right now!” danielle pointed her finger to your phone as the bubble appeared, which indicated he was in fact typing.

‘u busy today?’

“what are you gonna say? why is he even awake right now?”

“i bet he detected that she read it. like some spiderman tingle. that’s his.. ni-ki senses.” hyein stifled a laugh.

“shut up! give me my phone.”

you smiled at the texts, before turning the phone off and tucking it under your pillow. you pulled up your blanket from the edge of the bed, but it didn’t move, feeling unusually heavy.

at the end of the mattress, laid hyein and danielle. they had fallen fast asleep throughout the duration of your conversation.

on a typical day, you would be annoyed. but today was no average morning. you had yourself a date with nishimura riki.

you couldn’t bring yourself to care about the fact that you had to sleep with no blanket. you still slept well, looking forward to what your evening will bring.

“where are you going all dressed up?” haerin sat down next to you on the couch, as she gestured to your outfit. it was nothing too special, just a tube top and some baggy cargos.

“she has a date with nishimura riki!” hyein chimed in from the kitchen.

“what?!” hanni, haerin, and minji exclaimed in unison.

“yeah, it happened this morning. but you guys were sleeping.” you shrugged, before leaning down to tie your shoes (which danielle so kindly picked out and handed to you).

“is he picking you up?” hanni questioned, suddenly intrigued.

“yes, he should be here.. around now, actually.”

as if right on cue, riki was knocking on the door of your shared dorm.

“i got it!” minji rushed as she beat danielle to the entrance.

she opened the door, which behind it, revealed your knight in shining armor. or in his case, a hoodie layered with a bomber jacket and cargo pants. but it was good enough for you. he looked good in anything he wore.

“y/n isn’t home. better luck next time.” haerin came up to him, pushing minji out the way. she began to slowly close the door, only for riki to hold it open.

“seriously haerin?” hyein scoffed. “if you actually locked him out, y/n would be so pissed.” “i was kidding! everyone knows he’s untouchable here anyway. it’s obvious that if anyone even breathes in the direction of her boyfriend-”

she slapped a hand over haerin’s mouth, pulling her away from the doorway and switching places with her.

“sorry about that. y/n’s just grabbing her phone from upstairs. you wanna come in? i think- woah, did you guys plan this?” hyein paused as you walked towards her. she examined your outfit, and then riki’s. you realized, you were basically matching with the same color scheme. even the same cargos.

“hey. you look good.” he smiled as you stood next to him. you pulled him into a hug before pecking his cheek, just like yesterday.

almost as if it was a natural instinct, he wrapped an arm around your waist to secure you beside him.

riki spoke up once more to answer your roommates question. “not at all actually, i guess we kinda matched by pure coincidence. but uh, y/n, we really should get going? it’s almost like, an hour long drive.”

as soon as those words left his mouth, danielle came up to you both from the kitchen. she disregarded hyein, gesturing for her to leave.

“get y/n home by 10, no later then. don’t get caught, or be recognized.” she paused, as she pointed her gaze towards his hand which now held onto your hip. “and absolutely no dating scandals.” danielle poked her finger at his chest to emphasize the last sentence, not caring about the fact that riki towered over her.

“home before 10, don’t be spotted, and don’t cause a dating scandal. got it. thanks dani.” he smiled, before leaving your dorm to take you to his car.

“next in line please.” the cashier called out in a bored and monotone voice. but as you two approached the counter, her face lit up.

you were almost certain she recognized you or riki when she began to whisper to the barista. but she had no reaction as she asked for your order. you second guessed yourself, as the cashiers tired expression returned once more.

“ladies first. what will you have?” riki asked.

“could i order the strawberry matcha latte, and the chocolate croissant?” you spoke, watching as she took your order.

“and for you?” the cashier questioned, gesturing towards riki.

“i’ll have what she’s having.”

“two strawberry matcha lattes and two chocolate croissants. your total is ���32,000. just insert your card here.”

he did indeed pay for the food. but, neither of you noticed how when the receipt printed, the cashier tucked it into her pocket instead of giving it to you.

“do you like the drink?” you asked riki, as he took a sip from his cup. “it’s really good. good thing we came here, i’ve never tried something so simple but, it’s delicious. you didn’t try it yet?.”

“i’ve been eating the croissant the whole time! okay, here. see?” you paused, placing down the chocolate croissant to sip the drink out of spite. you thought riki was exaggerating, but you didn’t expect it to be even better than he described.

he chuckled as he watched your face light up. “see? it really is good, isn’t it? nice choice.”

the two of you had been out for hours, even as the cafe closed. but there was nowhere else to go that was private, so riki just settled to take you home.

you were both sat in riki’s car, parked in the underground garage of the condos where you both lived. riki had his head resting on your shoulder as you scrolled through your phones, randomly showing each other random tiktoks you thought were funny.

it was a small yet intimate moment, you cherished it. you both were having so much fun, you almost forgot being an idol was part of your everyday lives. with you, riki felt free. he was able to forget the pressures of his job. and you felt the exact same way.

neither of you noticed it was already a little past 10.

“shit. riki, we have to go. it’s already 10:25.” you exclaimed, suddenly hyper-focusing on the time on your phone.

“i’ll walk you to your dorm.” he smiled.

and so you stood in front of your door, but you weren’t ready to go in. and he wasn’t ready to leave you yet.

“i had a good time.” you said, bringing your hands up to hold onto his shoulders. “we should go out again.”

“i wouldn’t mind.” riki mumbled, before bringing his face down to meet yours, connecting your lips in one quick movement.

your breath hitched when you felt him deepen the kiss, as he brought a hand up to softly stroke your cheek.

slowly, he pulled away. but not far, as he rested his forehead against yours.

you smiled at him, leaning forward to peck his lips once more.

“thank you for today.” he whispered, pulling away entirely so he could clearly see you. “goodnight riki.” you lightly chuckled, thinking back to your texts from earlier.

“goodnight y/n.”

but as he was about to leave, the front door of your dorm is pulled open. the two of you were met with the angry faces of minji, danielle, and haerin. “get inside here! and you too riki.” exclaimed minji, as she dragged you both into the living room.

as soon as you both are pushed to sit onto the couch, you scrambled to explain yourselves. “i know we’re late, but we just last track of time. dani, we-”

“it’s not about that! look at this.” she interrupted, pulling out her phone to hand it to you.

“riki, did you just choose to throw the three rules out the window? those are three things you can never ignore especially as an idol.” minji groaned, rubbing her forehead.

“okay, yes, we missed curfew. but we weren’t recognized or anything.” he said, confused.

“riki..?” you called out. your hands began to shake as you showed him what was displayed on danielle’s phone.

riki had never been so shocked.

“you two should’ve been more careful.”

TAGLIST (italics = couldnt be tagged) @hannicorpse @luvvhaerin @chaevibes @en-verse @ren2jay @choppedballoondetective @heartheejake @imanalien143 @istglevi-gotmesimping @yndairy @eleanorheartschishiya @lonelylandofan @gweoriz @jaemified @onlyhyunjin @softpia @frecklesbrownies @riksaes @wensurr @rikifordmiami @brideslit @ant-onie @yumilovesloona @aeminju @hoonics @catecita @clampclover @rei4sunoo @addictedtohobi @rikidaze @baekxo07 @xotyla @melancholy-z @rikisgeef @jung1w0n @tocupid @onlyseung @i03jae @iheartshopping @istphanie @queenriki7 @academiq @1117promises @nctislifue @haechansbbg @rairaiblog @nabia-bia @pkjay @lixiebokie @hiekoo @r1kizerr @d-dilemma @kingofthekards @iilwji @hoonatic @woorcve @enhaz1

[httpwintersoldier]

『jolly sailor bold. || shanks x reader』

[PART 1 OF 4 - ONE PIECE'S KINKTOBER] - SHANKS VER.

[BUGGY VER.] [MIHAWK VER.] [SANJI VER.]

pairing: shanks x f!reader words: lenghtyyyyy summary: your curse leads you to a certain red-haired pirate that ends up taking you hostage for the rest of your life. And you very much agree with the decision. angst; smut; fluff.

You had been cursed as a young child. A devil fruit user with the ability of merging whatever they had in sight had taken you from your mother and merged you with a fish. A cruel revenge plan taken out on an innocent child that was made to forever swim the ocean.

That had obviously changed you, in more ways than physical. You couldn't establish contact with other fish, you couldn't make friends with humans (who thought you were a freak and a monster) and there were no other merefolk (not to your knowledge, at least.

The insanity of the lonely life had taken a toll on you. You had begun luring in lonely pirates and seamen, only to tear them apart and eat them before they realized you weren't human and tried to hunt you.

It had been going on for decades, although your body seemed to not age at all, more parts seemed to be growing in. At first it was just the long, scaly tail that had almost of a metallic blue and green shine to it. Then your eyes fully shifted to a charcoal black colour, and your hair followed suit. And, in the past years, your arms grew fins and your fingers grew webbing, both a pale green colour.

Your years of solitude were cut short when you found a certain red haired pirate.

The top of your head was above the water as you watched the ship. The captain had only one arm and three scars on his left eye. He seemed pretty goofy, along with the rest of the crew. You almost felt bad for killing them. Almost.

You dove down into the cold sea, scratching the bottom of the ship with your nails that were borderline claws at that point, until you found a tall, wide rock in the direction the boat was headed.

You sat on the rock, in such a way that it would hide your tail as best as possible, and began singing with your enchanting voice.

"My heart is pierced by Cupid, I disdain all glittering gold..."

You could hear a ruckus coming from the ship, several feet running on the old, creaking boards of the deck, and soon saw a plethora of men (dinner) standing on the edge, looking at you.

"...there is nothing can console me, but my Jolly Sailor bold..."

You heard more feet scaterring and several voices yelling "Behold Man!" and you smirked devilishly.

As the ship approached, the red haired male you had seen before jumped on the rock you sat on. Big mistake. He knelt down a couple steps away from you.

"Hello little lady, what are you doing here? Are you injured?" The man asked, with a deep voice.

You looked at him through your eyebrows and smirked.

"No, but you're about to be." You replied in a husky voice.

You lunged at the man, taking him under water with you so his mates wouldn't attack you and, as you dragged the male down to drown him, you made the mistake of looking him in the eye. And, as you did so, you felt yourself falter, and your body getting weaker, and weaker. Your eyelids began shutting against their will, and you saw black as your body went limp.

When you woke up, you were startled. Once you found you could, you opened your eyes widely and began struggling, looking for the man you'd caught who should've been floating somewhere next to you, only to find that you were stuck in some sort of wooden tub, your long tail hanging out of it.

You felt as if something was weighing on your chest and you couldn't breathe. Panic. You were panicking. Last time you felt that way you were being thrown in the water by your mother.

"You're awake." A deep voice said beside you.

You carefully looked to the side to find the red haired man you had taken into the sea with you.

"Who... who are you?... Why am I here? How am I here?..." You asked, more to yourself than him, with a dry throat.

You coughed after you did so, and the man handed you water. You looked at the glass carefully, not trusting it. The red haired male sighed and rolled his eyes as he took the cup and sipped on it, to show it wasn't poisoned, before handing back to you.

"I'm Shanks. I'm the Captain of the ship. The "why" would be because you tried to kill me. As for the how... let's just say I'm good at persuading people."

You laughed, after drinking the whole cup in one go.

"Sometimes girls get hungry..." You said, biting your lip.

Shanks simply scoffed.

"You are brave, for someone who's in your position to be talking that way..."

"What can I say..." You shrugged.

There was silence, as Shanks admired your body.

"What are you anyway?..." He asked, leaning closer on the tub.

The way he came closer to you showed how unafraid he was of you, of your... exquisite body, so to speak. That was new, you quite enjoyed it, had he not taken you captive.

"Call it a freak of nature, if you will." You replied, as you shrugged

After the man pressed you once more about your origins and anatomy, you decided to answer truthfully.

"I was cursed. Well, that's the cool way of putting it... Some weird Devil Fruit user has the ability to merge stuff together, be it dead, inanimate or alive. I was the result of an affair, from what I could gather in the fight between this woman and my mom. The wife of the man my mom had an affair with found her and decided to punish her by merging me with a fish I guess... In the beginning it was just small changes, some gills and scales, had to spend a lot of time in the bathub but nothing too hard, so my mom attempted to raise me like this. She gave up when the tail began to develop and threw me in the ocean..."

Shanks' eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes were set on your fish-like characteristics as he heard your explanation.

"And you resorted to eating humans?..."

You shrugged once more. It was your go-to answer, it seemed. No better way to show indifference.

"It's either humans or fish. Both of them are part of me, but only one of them cursed me, then cast me away and treated me as a monster."

"But not all humans are to blame for your... curse." The man tried to reason.

"I was also not to blame for my mother's mistakes. Yet here we are." You replied quickly, looking him in the eye with your orbs, devoid of any colour.

Shanks sighed and slapped his thighs as he stood up.

"Hey! Wait!" You semi-yelled, making Shanks stop and turn around "What's to happen to me? What will you do with me?"

"Seems like there is only one thing to do..." He said, sighing and placing his hand on his hip "We'll find the Devil Fruit user and get them to undo this."

Your eyes shined for a moment and your face lit up, before reminding yourself that the race you were talking to was untrustworthy, and the cold expression that was so familiar to you returned to your faced.

"Why. What's in it for you? Aren't you going to sell me to some freak show? Or keep me as a pet?"

Shanks sighed again.

"The only freak show master I know doesn't have me in great consideration, and you talk too much to be a pet and are not that useful." Ouch. "It seems like we'd be saving a lot of lives by helping you. Including your own."

He didn't give you time to reply, as the Captain left the room and closed the door.

You huffed, and relaxed in the tub, realizing that you had been tense this whole time. There was nothing you could do but trust these men now... It was nearly impossible for you to hop out of the tub and drag yourself out on the deck and into the ocean without being heard or seen flopping around, and the porthole next to you was far too small for you to fit through it...

As the sun set and darkness enveloped the room, the red haired man stepped in with a light being held by his mouth and a tray on his hand.

"Do you usually carry stuff with you mouth?" You joke with a teasing smirk.

The man set down the light and the tray, and pushed back the cape to reveal he had only one arm.

You felt embarrassed for a second, but wouldn't let it show (obviously).

"Seems like someone got to you before me." You joked with a simpathetic smile.

The man let out a belly laugh and picked up the tray again, handing it to you.

"You're a cheeky one for sure..." The captain commented and sat on a chair in the corner of the room.

You stared at the tray, it was some sort of meat you obviously didn't recognize and bread.

"This is what?" You asked, a little disgusted, pointing at the sead animal in front of you.

"It's chicken legs. You know, food from an animal that isn't either part of you." The man joked with a smile, pointing between your human torso and fish tail, and you laughed a little.

You picked it up carefully and examined it. You gave up the poison suspicions, if he wanted to kill you he would've done so. You took a small bite, waiting for a nasty taste to hit your tongue, but surprisingly you found it delicious. You widened your eyes and looked at him in shock, before devouring the meal in front of you.

"I take it you enjoyed the food?" Shanks asks with a chuckle, as he raised his eyebrows.

"It was edible." You replied jokingly, licking your fingers.

After taking the tray, the man remained in the room, surprisingly.

"You're staying?" You asked, cocking your head and blinking rapidly, as your eyes were used to a lot more moisture.

"Well, only one person keeps guard at night and I don't quite trust you to not go out there and kill him. I think I'm the only one that can take care of you." He said and winked.

You felt hot. Why did you feel hot? The bath water was cold. Just as you thought about his wink, you shivered.

Shanks raised an eyebrow and looked at the water.

"Is it too cold?"

Before you could reply, he stood up and dipped his hand in the water. Having his hand so close to you... So close to touching your body... It sent a strange feeling through your body, and you didn't know how to react.

"It's... fine. We don't have heaters in the ocean."

Shanks knelt down next to the tub so he could be face-to-face with you.

"Yeah, but you also don't have still water. That," he said, pointing at the water you sat in "will get pretty disgusting if it's not changed, unlike the ocean."

You looked at the water and it was safe to say the man was right. The sediments entagled in your gills and scales from sleeping on the sand, as well as some algae that had gotten stuck to you began staining the water as it cleaned you.

Shanks, realizing you had silently agreed with him, laid a towel on the ground and picked you up over his shoulder. You shrieked and grabbed onto his shirt, not being used to being carried (or manhandled). The captain slowly placed you on the towel, and you watched as he cleaned the tub and replaced the dirty water.

"Why are you going through all of this trouble? It doesn't make sense. What's in it for you?" You asked, seemingly getting defensive all of the sudden.

Shanks scoffed and looked over his shoulder as he worked.

"You have to stop thinking there's something in it for me, sweetheart. I just think you haven't been given a fair chance. Before labeling you as anything, I want to make sure you have a fair chance to become the person you think you should be."

You were out of words. Apologies and "thank you's" were not your strong suit, so you kept quiet. The captain took the lack of response as acceptance, and finished the job.

You could very easily flop back into the tub - you had been climbing up rocks and jumping from them all your life, after all - but you enjoyed it when Shanks picked you up and laid you down in such a careful way, so you didn't protest.

You spent the next three months of the search for the Devil Fruit user listening intently to Shanks' pirate stories and (unconsciously) fawning over him every night when he came to watch over you.

After the first month he trusted you to stay alone, but he woudn't leave you. He'd rather have your company. The Captain loved the way your big eyes shined as you looked at him, paying attention to every of his words.

Both your feelings were very obvious, and had anyone been in the room with the two of you they would've called you out on it. But that was the best part of your "sessions": it felt like a secret. It felt so intimate, it was honestly ironic how either of you failed to realize how infatuated you were with each other.

"Y/N!" The Captain said happily as he walked in the room and knelt down next to the tub.

You crossed your arms on the edge of the tub and laid your head on them.

"Yes, Captain?"

You had began calling him Captain as a joke, but he not-so-secretly loved it, and it showed: he couldn't keep the big, stupid smile off of his face whenever he heard you call him Captain.

"We found her!" The man said, holding your face with his hand "We found the devil fruit user!"

A wave of emotions washed over you. First you were happy, ecstatic even. But then came the panic, fear, uncertainty... And it showed.

"Y/N, what's wrong? You look... disappointed?" Shanks asked, not quite sure how to decipher your look.

You opened your mouth to speak, but you didn't know what to say or how to express what you were feeling - it was all brand new. Thankfully, Shanks gave you time.

"I just..." you started "I don't know. What will happen next? I don't know how to live among people, will I even like it? Will I even be able to walk? Will I miss the sea?" Tears streamed down your face and you were in a panicked state as you thought of all things that could go wrong.

Shanks hugged you and caressed your semi-wet hair.

"Sweetheart," you learned to love that nickname, it always put you at ease "I can't force you to go back to who you were, but I think you'd be infinitely happier on land, with people to talk to, with people to have fun with, with... someone to love." Shanks' voice brokw a little, as he thought of you living happily side by side with someone that wasn't him, but he cleared his throat and carried on "You can always choose to swim in the sea, and you can choose to walk on land and live as you were made to. I know it must be scary, all change is scary, but you won't have to be alone anymore"

By the time he finished, your heart was beating fast for different reasons and your breathing had calmed down.

When you pulled away from the hug, your faces were mere centimiters apart. You could both feel the tension and the attraction, but none of you dared move. You were almost sure you were both feeling the same.

"What do you say, Y/N?" He whispered.

You smiled widely and nodded.

"Let's do it."

The next few days of sailing were intense and overcome with emotion, but it wasn't long after your conversation with Shanks that the red-haired man came in with a big smile. He didn't even bother grabbing a towel - he was far too excited for that. The man picked you up, not caring that he got drenched in tub water, and carried you out to the deck.

The sun hurt your eyes and it took you a while to get accostumed, but the strangest part was Shanks.

"Do it." He said, turned to someone you could not see since you were still flung over his shoulder.

His voice was cold, demanding and soulless. You had never heard it this way, and you had a hard time assimilating that it was, in fact, the Shanks that you knew (and loved).

There was a long silence, it seemed like no one dared move, speak or breathe.

Suddenly, a woman cleared her throat, and you felt as if your body was being ripped apart. You gripped Shanks' back and tried not to make noise, but you couldn't help the toe-curling scream that left your mouth.

You could feel your legs slowly separating, and after a few excruciating minutes your body fell to the ground weakly.

"Y/N! Y/N?" Shanks called, hovering over you and cupping your cheek.

You opened my eyes and looked down at your legs, arms and hands.

"Legs!" You yelled happily and looked up at Shanks "Shanks I have legs!"

Shanks wrapped his arm around your waist and spun you around.

"Shit! It worked!" He said, looking at your face, still holding you up by the waist, as he was afraid you wouldn't be able to stand on your legs just yet.

As he looked down, Shanks realized you were (obviously) naked, and that your body was glued to his. The Captain blushed and fought off any... improper thoughts - he surely wished he had brought the towel.

The man cleared his throat and wrapped his cape around you as he carried you inside and ordered his crew to escort the Devil Fruit user back to the port.

Shanks sat you on a chair on his room and looked through his drawers for some clean clothes,

"Uh here- this ought to fit you."

His cheeks were red (as were yours) and he looked away as you put on his large shirt and a pair of loose pants.

"Can you walk?" The Captain asked.

You gripped the sides of the chair nervously.

"I don't... I don't know."

Shanks silently held out his hand, inviting you to try. You took it and slowly stood up. Your legs were a little wobbly and your walk was a little unsure and weak, but you sure could still do it. Muscle memory from before-fish-time, you assumed.

"I did it!" You said, wrapping your arms around him.

"You did it!" He cheered as well, wrapping his arm around your waist.

When you pulled away from the hug, your faces were close, and after all those years of luring men, you had never wanted to kiss one until Shanks came along.

"Now you can go resume your life back in your hometown!" The man said with a smile.

You stumbled away from him, suddenly finding the strenght to stand on your own.

"What?" You asked, incredulous.

"You can... go! You can live your life again, Y/N." He repeated, not understanding your reaction.

You scoffed, hurt and disappointed. You'd think that after spending every single night together for three months the reaction would be different. You thought Shanks felt the same about you, you thought he'd pick you up, spin you around, kiss you and ask you to stay on the ship, but no. The second you took a couple steps, he was ready to send you on your way.

"Yeah. That's probably best if I go. I'll leave right away."

You turned around, exited the room and slammed the door shut, leaving a confused Shanks behind. You wobbled away as fast as you could, using the walls of the ship as help, persistently fighting off the tears.

"Y/N! Wait! You're leaving now?" He asked, chasing after you.

"Well you want me gone! Might as well start now!" You said while walking.

Shanks grabbed your wrist and you tried to free yourself from it, but his grasp was firm.

"Y/N can we- Y/N can you stop struggling please? Y/N-" When the Captain got tired of asking, he picked you up and brought you to his room, throwing you on the bed as he closed the door with his foot.

"What is wrong with you!?" He roared, looking down at you with a look you couldn't decipher.

You stood up weakly.

"What's wrong with me!? What's wrong with you!" You countered, looking at him with the same mix of emotions running through you.

"Me!? I got you your body back! I freed you! And all I get is a cold shoulder and not even a goodbye? Maybe you are a cold hearted monster after all!"

Silence.

Silence as those words hit you like a brick and Shanks realized what had left his mouth. Tears streamed down your cheeks uncontrollably for the first time in over a decade.

"Y/N-"

He was cut off by you trying to reach the door without another word. The Captain stood between you and the door.

"Y/N please I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

"Let me leave! Let me leave! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" You yelled at the top of your lungs, banging on his chest with closed fists out of frustration.

"Please Y/N, I'm begging you! I'm- I'm sorry! I was hurt!"

"Oh you were hurt? That's rich!" You said, laughing cynically.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked, more calmly.

You stumbled backwards and let yourself fall on the bed, sitting down since you weren't used to standing for long.

"You spent three months with me, every night. You were the only person I ever shared anything with. And then the first chance you get... You want me to leave? To send me away? I-Is that all I am? A project?"

Shanks knelt in front of you, taking your face in his hand like he had done many times before, but this time, it held a completely different meaning.

"Y/N... Is that what you think? You genuinely think I want you to go?" His thumb wiped your tears as he looked into your glossy eyes.

"You... don't? Then why did you say that?..."

Shanks chuckled and looked away for a second before looking back at you.

"Y/N, I want you to stay by my side every day until I die of some stupid reason." You and him cracked a smile at the small joke "I obviously didn't want you to leave, never did. I dreaded this day because I thought you'd want to leave... to be free to explore, find yourself and finally get out of this ship."

You cupped his face gently and felt him lean into your touch.

"Shanks... this is my home. You're my home. Plus, what better placed to explore in than a fucking ship!" I said with a smile and laughed.

Shanks retributed the smile, twice as big, and laughed as well.

"Hey little lady! Language!" He jokingly told you off.

You stared into each other's eyes as your heads tilted ever so slightly. That was the moment. It felt right. It felt perfect.

Your lips touched slightly, and you pulled away just as quickly, trying to process the moment. But when you realized how much you wanted it, how much you needed it, you grabbed him by his collar and pulled him closer, smashing your lips together. The kiss was rough and passionate, full of emotion.

"Princess I planned on taking it slow, but if you keep this up I won't be able to hold back much longer." Shanks whispered as he left sloppy kisses on your neck.

"Don't hold back. I want to feel everything I've been missing out on." You moaned.

"Well in that case," Shanks paused, as he manhandled you to lay on the bed and spread your legs so he could hover over you "let's give the crew something to complain about, shall we?"

The Captain didn't wait for your response, he simply captured your lips in a rough kiss once more and yanked down the pants you were wearing. His fingers slowly travelled down your body and parted your folds. You watched as he then took them up to his mouth and licked them clean.

"Who knew you'd still be this wet outside of the water?"

You blushed and rolled your eyes with a smile at the cheeky jokes you'd come to love.

Shanks removed his cape and shirt, and then kissed down your body, slightly pushing up the shirt you wore to reach your stomach. He pondered on removing the shirt, but decided against it - the Captain thought you'd look good being fucked in his shirt.

He toyed around your pussy, biting and kissing several spots on your inner thighs until you were moaning desperately.

"Please touch me there Shanks..." You begged.

That was his cue to begin eating you out like a hungry man. You didn't even know how to describe the feeling, but that didn't stop you from trying.

"F-fuck! That's so good Shanks- so good!" You moaned, as one of your hands gripped his sheets and the other tugged on his hair.

He moaned at the feeling of his hair being pulled and you swore the vibrations made it even better.

Shanks slapped your inner thigh and gripped it over and over, and you could feel something in the pit of your stomach forming.

"Oh shit-" You moaned.

Your breathing accelerated and your eyes closed as your back arched, preparing for whatever was coming.

When suddenly Shanks' mouth pulled away.

"What did you do that for?" You whined, looking at him through your lashes.

Shanks hovered over you and kissed you deeply. You could taste yourself on his tongue and you both moaned into each other's mouths.

"If you're going to cum for the first time sweetheart, you're doing it on my cock."

His hand expertly pulled his cock out, and you whimper-gasped when you felt it hit your pussy.

You looked down at it and widened your eyes.

Shanks laughed and caressed your cheek.

"You okay there, princess?" The Captain asked as he ran the tip of his cock along your folds, making you hiss.

"I'm- I have mixed feelings. Is all that going in me? And it feels good?"

Shanks chuckled and pecked your lips.

"I'll go slow, doll. If it doesn't feel good, you tell me, okay?"

You nodded, giving him the greenlight.

Shanks pushed into you, very slowly, carefully watching your face through the whole thing, until he bottomed out inside you.

"How you doing, dollface?" The man asked.

He wanted nothing more than to ram into you until the only word you could say was his name, but the man was patient.

"It feels... odd. But good. K-keep going." You said, suddenly feeling hot and shy.

Shanks slowly moved in and out of you, finding a merciful pace to fuck you in. His hand found your ass, that he gripped as tightly as he could without hurting you, taking out some of the frustration of not being able to fuck you as he wanted.

It became especially hard when you began tightening around his cock and moaning his name.

"Go faster, please-"

Those words were the only thing he wanted to hear. Shanks slapped the aprt of your ass he could reach from that position and steadily picked up the pace in which he fucked you.

"S-shit this is so fucking good Shanks!"

Your praises and moans were the sweetest sound he'd ever heard, and the man wanted to hold on as long as he could, to listen to them as long as possible.

The way his shirt looked on you while he fucked you was an even bigger ego-boost for him. You looked his, you looked like you belonged to him. Wearing his shirt, on his bed, with his cock buried deep in you... Fuck, it was a sight to see.

He bent over as he fucked you, his hand grabbing the base of your neck as his lips left sloppy kisses and small bites all over it.

"I wanna fuck you dumb. I wanna fuck your pretty little pussy so hard Y/N."

You didn't know how much you enjoyed dirty talking until you heard him whisper those words to you, and the most sinful moan left your mouth.

"Do it! Shit- fuck!" You cursed as he fucked you at an impossible pace.

Skin slapping and squelching sounds filled the room along with your moans and groans, and the familiar feeling at the pit of your stomach returned. You had no way of knowing you were about to cum so you couldn't warn your partner, but Shanks knew. From the way your back arched once more, and your hand gripped the wrist that was gripping your thigh, he knew you were close.

Shanks tried to hold off his orgasm as long as possible, and it was painful but oh so worth it. Your pleasure-filled face, mouth agape followed by the incessant calls for his name in the form of moans... it was art.

He came right after, burying his cock deep in you, making sure it all stayed in. His mark.

The Captain pulled out of you with a groan and plopped next to you. You waited no time to roll over and lay your head on his chest, swinging your leg over one of his as he wrapped his arm around you, his hand laying on your butt softly.

"I don't think I'll be able to walk for a different reason now..." You said, smiling up at him.

"Hey you're getting good at making corny jokes like me!"

You laughed together, then a deep silence ensued.

"Shanks... did you mean that?"

He cocked his head slightly.

"About what? Wanting to fuck you dumb? Oh very much!"

You laughed and slapped his chest.

"No! About... really wanting me here... by your side."

Shanks smiled as he looked at you fondly and placed a soft kiss on your lips.

"If you promise to tolerate me, I'd like to have you by my side until the end of my days."

[lvis44]

Sweet Escape - Wedding Pt. 2 // LH44

Lewis Hamilton x Y/N

Warnings: Language, Alcohol Consumption, Angst, Anxiety

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: Paradise is supposed to be fun and relaxing... a Sweet Escape, but when unspoken feelings and jealousy rise to the surface, everything can be turned upside down in the blink of an eye.

Notes: The second part of our wedding... I was reading my doc and figured this part was solid enough to be put into the universe lol. More to come but, once again, I do not know the timeline. I hope this holds you guys enjoy and this holds you over in the meantime! *insert Lil Wayne - Sorry 4 The Wait - here*. I've said it a million times and I will say it a million more, I cannot get my brain to stay in one tense while writing so ignore it the best you can lol. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

I am not a professional writer and all of this is a work of fiction and is strictly for fun. Enjoy! xxx

Previous Sections: Prologue - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Epilogue - The Wedding Pt.1

You’re not sure how long you’ve been staring at the dark ceiling when you hear your phone start to vibrate on the side table, causing you to groan. Just because your nerves are keeping you awake doesn’t mean you want to talk to anyone. When you see his name flash across your screen your first reaction is to laugh at his insistence but quickly anxiety washes over you. Every possible thing that could be wrong flashing through your mind as you answer his call.

“Lew?” You croak out, your voice dry in your throat.

“Hey. Shit, I didn’t wake you did I? Just needed to hear your voice and this can’t possibly count as me seeing you before the wedding.” He’s quiet on the other end, probably trying not to wake Miles in the other room.

“No, can’t sleep.” You admit. You’ve thought a few times throughout the night that you should have given in and let him hold you tonight, knowing you more than likely already would have fallen asleep.

“Neither can I, my nerves are going crazy.” He sounds vulnerable and you can’t help but worry.

“Not backing out on me, are you?” You attempt to joke, even though the anxiety is real.

“What? No, baby, never.” He laughs at the absurdity of your question, making you feel that much better, “No, I’m just stressing over the whole thing. Thinking maybe we should have just run away and eloped.”

“We still can.” You giggle, knowing he’s joking but understanding the feeling.

He joins you in your laughter before falling silent. You know he’s too deep in his own thoughts so you let him settle on what he wants to say.

“I’m just worried something will go wrong like the catering will be shit or the decorations won’t be right. I don’t know, I just need it to be perfect for you. Perfect for us.” He finally shares, his voice is tired.

“Lew, the only thing that could possibly ruin tomorrow is if for some reason we legally can’t get married. Even if we end up in a courthouse, I’m ending the day as your wife. Everything else is just an excuse for us to throw a kick ass party.” You try your best to assure him.

His laugh comes through the phone before he lets out a sigh, “You’re right, nothing else matters. This is why I’m marrying you ya’ know.”

“Why? Because I would have said yes even if you proposed with a ring pop?” You tease him, your smile spreading across your face.

“Well that,” He laughs, “but also because with two sentences from you, I’ve felt calmer than I’ve felt since the second I got here to the hotel. You always manage to make everything seem okay and truth be told as long as I have you, it is.”

His words hit you deep, knowing how much he means them.

“You know you’re supposed to save the vows for later, right?” You joke, trying not to choke up, knowing if you’re too sincere with him right now you will end up in tears.

“I love you Y/N.” He says simply, aware you're trying not to get too emotional.

“I love you Lewis. You wanna stay on the phone?” It’s something you’ve done many times while he’s been away and the distance has gotten to be too much. You barely talk, just content in the sound of each other's breathing and the rustle of the others sheets.

“If you don’t mind?” He sounds nervous again, like he feels like he’s asking too much of you.

“Always. Good night Lew, I love you.” You say quietly, settling back into your bed.

“I love you baby.”

You don’t say another word, both falling asleep quickly after your chat. The comfort of each other being all you needed to truly relax.

* * *

Charlotte's soft voice ringing through the room is the first thing you hear as you try to adjust to being awake. The second you start to come into yourself, the nerves come flooding in.

“You didn’t hear a word I just said, did you?” Charlotte is laughing as you sit up in bed. Your phone is still sitting on top of the comforter next to you, the call now having ended. You can only assume Lewis is already awake and getting ready or his phone died. You can’t help but smile at the memory of your conversation last night, both of you needing a moment of solace within the other.

“What?” You ask groggily, attempting to wipe the sleep from your eyes.

“Well, to start I said Good Morning Ms. Soon to be Hamilton,” She started, her voice much too loud before realizing and quieting right down, “then I told you that hair and makeup are on their way to the venue and the car will be here in about an hour.”

You raised your eyebrows at her as she sat down on the bed.

“I know, I should have woken you up earlier but I heard you talking in here at almost three in the morning, I assume with Lewis, and I wanted you to get some sleep,” She explains softly, putting her hand up to stop you as you go to respond, “there’s a light breakfast here if you want some, but you have plenty of time to shower and grab some food. If you don’t eat now, I’ve already scheduled some food for you at the venue that you can eat while they're doing your hair before you get your makeup done.”

You let out a sigh, thankful that she has thought ahead, you go to thank her but she starts again.

“I’ve already confirmed with four different people at the venue that your dress is there, hair and makeup has a place to set up, your room is on the other side of the building from Lewis so you won’t run into him, and all of the decorations have arrived and are being set up. The only thing you have to do today is let us take care of you, know that Miles and I have everything under control, and get married!” She finishes her spiel with a smirk, knowing that everything she just covered were concerns running through your mind, always proving even further why she was your Maid of Honor.

“Thank you, you are an absolute angel.” You say as you grab her hand.

“I do have to ask, just being nosy,” She starts, laughing gently, “was it Lewis on the phone last night?”

You feel yourself blushing unnecessarily, there being no reason to be embarrassed for talking to the man you are about to marry.

“Yeah, neither of us could sleep, just needed to talk to each other for a second.” You say sheepishly.

“And that right there is why you two are getting married today baby!” She says enthusiastically, once again much louder than you would prefer for the time of day.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” You tell her as you push yourself out of bed, feeling your stomach growl, “food will be there for me?”

She laughs at your need to double check before nodding, “Yes there will, I heard that, you need some food.”

“Leave me alone.” You grumble, laughing softly to yourself too as you stumble to the bathroom.

“You’ve got an hour, let me know if you need anything.” You hear her yell as she makes her way out of your bedroom to let you shower in peace.

It feels like you’ve entered an alternate universe once you are out of the shower. You ended up taking longer than anticipated and were being rushed to get dressed before ushered downstairs and into the back of another town car. Charlotte had a small bag packed for you and said she would take care of your luggage that was still in the room after the wedding, keeping the suite for the bridal party to stay in after the event. 

Your jaw almost dropped when the car finally pulled into the venue. You had been there before, a few times actually, over the last two summer breaks with Lewis, trying to finally decide. But now… now it was snowing, a winter wonderland surrounding the manor that had been deemed a castle by almost everyone around you and you couldn’t help but agree. A castle had been a dream of yours as a kid but never something you found realistic as an adult, safe to say realistic wasn’t in Lewis’ vocabulary when it came to your wedding. You had been watching Downton Abbey for the third time one night and made an offhand joke to Lewis about how you should get married at Highclere Castle, from then on he had made it his mission to find something that fit the bill. His first thought had been the castle itself but it hadn’t been an option, instead he found a place just outside of London that you had never heard of, something your wedding planner had never even seen, it was perfect. It was large and regal but still fit with both of your styles, allowing it to be decorated with a fine line of modernity and tradition. 

When you pulled up to the front door it looked as though you had stepped into a movie, the snow painting the perfect backdrop despite your hesitance. You hadn’t been sure about a winter wedding but Lewis was impatient and winter was his favorite season. He had done so much of what you had dreamed of that you couldn’t help but agree, knowing it didn’t matter when or where you got married, as long as it ended with him.

Charlotte was quickly ushering you and your mother inside and out of the cold. The entrance was bustling with people moving flower arrangements, chairs, tables, everything you had asked for being set up right in front of your eyes. Charlotte was pulling you down the hallway to your left before you had a chance to even take it all in.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m rushing around but you can relax the second we get you into the bridal suite. I promise.” She was apologizing from in front of you while you tried to keep up with her brisk pace, your mom close behind you.

“Are we late?” You couldn’t help but ask, feeling nervous all over again.

“No , we’re perfectly on time, but the damn men are early and I will be damned if Lewis wins and sees you before you’re at the altar.” Her voice is serious and you can’t help but laugh out loud. It truly isn’t that big of a deal to you but the moment you mentioned it being part of the plan Charlotte and Miles made it their top priority for the day of the wedding.

“It’s really not that big of a deal.” You continue to laugh at Charlotte as she slows down once you’ve reached the doors of the suite. Secretly you wouldn’t mind a quick hello, or even just a glimpse at his beautiful face, but she was determined.

“It’s part of the plan therefore we will be sticking to it, everything will be exactly how you want it today.” Her voice is stern before she opens the door to the suite and welcomes you in.

You’re immediately welcomed by the crew you had hired to take care of everyones hair and makeup. You had spent a while choosing the perfect team and had been in touch with them frequently over the last few months and the familiar faces made you excited. Charlotte tells you to take a seat on the plush couch off to the side and makes her way over to talk with the crew, making sure everything is taken care of for you. Your mom comes to join you on the couch, mimosas in hand with a shocked look on her face, acting as if she doesn’t know where they came from. You giggle as you happily take one from her hand while someone sets food on the small table in front of you, immediately reminding you of how hungry you were back at the hotel.

“You should have something to eat, even if it’s just a nibble. You have some time before you need to start getting ready.” Your mom tells you softly, gesturing towards the spread sitting in front of you.

You nod, leaning forward to grab a pastry as you watch Charlotte in amusement, animated as ever while she gets everyone and everything organized. You take a moment to sit in silence, well as silent as it can be with people bustling about, letting yourself take it all in. You continue to eat as much as you feel you can keep down before someone is suggesting you get in your robe. When you come back from the changing room there are many more people in the room, everyone finally arrived and ready to get ready. You had decided to keep the wedding parties small on both sides. You had Charlotte as your maid of honor, your cousin who had become a sister to you over the years, and your childhood best friend. Miles was Lewis’ best man, Nicolas, and Daniel. Your mom was getting ready with you as well as Linda, Carmen and Lewis’ sisters.

As you sat in the chair watching your hair transform, joking and laughing with your stylist Javier, you took in the sight around you through the mirror. Both families and friends blending into one big happy group, laughing together and sharing mimosas. You were thrilled at the thought of everyone becoming one large family, beyond excited for the next chapter of your life.

“Ladies! I need to say something before everyone starts with their makeup,” Charlottes voice commanded the room getting everyone's attention, “thank you! Okay, I just need to start by saying Y/N, I love you so much and I am so beyond thrilled that you are marrying my second best friend,” she sends you a wink as you both laugh with Lewis not even in the room to defend his decade long friendship, “he is like a brother to me and you very quickly became my little sister. That being said, I want to stress to every one that today is supposed to be perfect and WE are going to make sure it is,” her words are firm as she gestures around the room to your bridesmaids, “these two mean the absolute world to me and after everything it took to get them to this point I will not settle for ‘okay’, we’re looking for perfection.”

“Char, it’s-” You try to stop her, feeling like she’s making far too big a deal out of your day.

“Nope, Y/N, let me say this, you deserve it.” She shushes you before continuing, “I want everyone to have an absolute blast but most importantly I NEED Y/N and Lewis to have the best day of their lives. Annoying guest? Figure it out. Issue with the rings? Find me or Miles. Trouble with your dress? Suck it up, today isn’t about us.” Her voice is that of a strict teacher as she lectures your family and friends and you can’t help but roll your eyes and laugh before the comment about the rings latches on to your brain, “Y/N, babe, I love you so much and I am so happy for you. You are marrying the best human I know, well second to you of course, and I cannot wait to see the life that you two create together, I know it will be magical. Cheers everybody!”

You barely even register the sweet words she directs at you as she finishes her speech, your body working on auto pilot to raise you mimosa for her toast. The moment she sees the look on your face she’s rushing over to you.

“Hon, what’s wrong? You look worried.”

“What’s wrong with the rings? They’re here, right? They look correct? Nothing’s broken? You said there’s a problem with the rings, what's the problem?” You rush out your new concerns, not taking a moment to think once she’s in front of you.

“What? No, no, everything’s fine. Why would there be a problem with the rings?” She asks you confused for a moment before the realization dawns on her face, “Oh sweetie that was just an example, everything is totally fine. It’s exactly like we talked about, I have your band and Miles has Lewis’, I even texted him when we got here to make sure he had it. Do you want to see yours? I have it in my bag, I can go grab it.” Her words of reassurance are rushed as she tries to calm the new anxiety fluttering through your mind.

“No, oh my god, sorry, I just…” You shake your head, wanting to laugh at yourself for becoming so panicked so quickly, “I think my brain just blacked out after I heard ‘issue with the rings’, I don’t know why I let that freak me out so much.”

“It’s okay, you have a lot going on and this is a big deal, don’t worry about it, it’s what I’m here for.” Charlotte calms you, rubbing your forearm as she squats in front of your chair.

“Alright beautiful bride! Ready to make that gorgeous face even better?” Javier’s voice comes excitedly from behind you, rubbing your shoulders as he tries to coax you to turn around so he can start on your makeup.

You take a deep breath, the reality of the day settling into the pit of your stomach, before turning around, ready to be transformed. You’ve had him do this look on you numerous times, wanting to make sure it was exactly what you wanted and you trust his skills, but still the underlying anxiety refuses to leave you. You had opted for a more natural look, similar to what you would do on the day to day but elevated, you wanted to look like yourself, like the you that Lewis fell in love with. As you sat in the chair being pampered, listening to people bustle around behind you, a billion new scary thoughts and anxieties swarmed through your head.

You know you’re making the right choice, there is no one in the universe better made for you than Lewis and no one who you could love or love you more than him. You know everything is taken care of and planned to your liking, but you didn’t place each flower or taste every dish prepared today. You know all of the most important people in your life RSVP’d yes, but you haven’t laid eyes on them today, you don’t know if they’ve arrived on time. Every single detail that has been a stress in the back of your mind for the last year has now become the only thing you can think about. You’re trying so hard to let them slip to the background, to stay in the moment, enjoy the laughter of your bridal party and the random chatter from Javier, but it doesn’t work.

Your mom is the first to notice, seeing you with a furrowed brow and your eyes shut tight as Javier steps away to grab something.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” She asks quietly, her hand resting on your shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze.

The sound of her voice almost brings you to tears and you can’t quite explain why. You look at her through the mirror, noticing the deep concern on her face.

“Everyone wants it to be so perfect, what if it isn’t? I asked everyone to travel so far and what if it lets them down. The Hamilton wedding is supposed to be THE event, what if it’s not right or something goes wrong or it isn’t what people were expecting?” You ramble so quietly you’re worried she won’t be able to hear you.

“Oh, my sweet girl,” She says through a pout, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and meeting you cheek to cheek, “not an ounce of what you just said matters, I know you’re nervous but don’t stress yourself. Today is supposed to be one of the best days of your life, not because of how fancy it is or what caterer you hired, but because you are marrying a man that will love you, protect you, and take care of you for the rest of your life. I know that it feels like it’s all about the party and the flair, but today you are taking a step for you and Lewis and that is all that matters, you are building your life with an amazing man who would move mountains for you and that is all that matters. All you have to worry about is making it to the end of the aisle, saying I Do, and kissing your husband. We’re all just lucky that we get to witness it.”

“Fuck,” you breathe out with a dry laugh, “you’re right. It’s just so much.”

“Just keep reminding yourself that that beautiful man is going to be legally yours till death do you part.” She laughs before kissing your cheek, lightening your mood as you picture his perfect face. While her words do ease your nerves a new very important thought pops into your head, a new non-negotiable.

“Charlotte.” You call out urgently, aware of your time crunch.

“I’m here, what do you need?” She asks quickly, rushing to your side like a lady in wait.

“Lewis,” You start, watching as her eyebrows shoot up in a disapproving look, “no I know, I won’t look at him or let him look at me, I just need to squeeze his hand and hear his voice, I promise.”

She still doesn’t look quite convinced as you plead with her, “Y/N, no seeing Lewis was a very hard rule from day one of wedding planning. Are you sure?”

“Char, please, figure out a way so I don’t see him, we’ll stick to the rules but he’s been there to calm me down and make sure I’m okay for every major thing in my life for a more than half a decade and I don’t know about you but I’d say this is a pretty major thing! It won’t be any worse than me talking to him last night, I swear.” You plead with her, grabbing her hands, suddenly very set on needing to at least speak to Lewis before walking down the aisle.

“Okay, okay, yes, I will make it happen, but before you get into your dress, just in case, gimme a sec.” She agrees as her face softens, seeing your desperation, realizing that she too would need Lewis for a moment before something this big. He may be your lover, your fiance, the man you are about to spend the rest of your life with, but at the core he is your best friend, the man that has been there for you since you showed up at game night years ago, your other half.

Charlotte quickly leaves the room after squeezing your hand and telling Javier he can start working again. You assume she’s headed to find Miles, or she’s gone straight to Lewis. You start to get anxious yet again that you may be causing Lewis anxiety, you should have told her to tell him that you’re fine and just being selfish, remembering the moment of fear you had last night when he had called you.

You’re not sure how long it takes her but once your makeup is finished she has returned and is requesting for you to follow her. You feel silly walking out of the suite with pinned hair and your robe on but all you can think about is talking to Lewis, eager to hear his voice as if you’ve just started dating. Charlotte ushers you down a hallway to an empty room with a door on the other side. You’re far enough away from everyone that the noise has quieted and you can subsequently feel your brain calming down, realizing just how overstimulated you’ve been for the last few hours. Charlotte guides you to the far wall of the room, next to the door frame, turning you to back up against it before gently knocking on the door. It takes only a second for the door to open, Miles’ smiling face appearing next to you.

“Well hello beauty, you look fucking incredible.” He says before leaning in to kiss your cheek.

“It’s not fair that I don’t get to see her.” You hear your fiance whine from the other side of the wall, making you giggle and your cheeks warm.

“All in due time brother, you’re the lucky one though, you get to see her at the altar.” Miles says teasingly, leaning back through the door to look at Lewis before coming back to you, “So I have your fiance here as requested. Char and I will give you guys some privacy.”

“Thank you Miles, I’m sorry if this is a pain, I just needed a minute.” You tell him, reaching out to squeeze his arm.

Before he can respond, Miles is bursting out into a laugh, “Love, this was a help on my end, mans has been so annoyed that he hasn’t been allowed to see you all day, he hasn’t shut up about you once. Enjoy, you evidently both need it.” He says as his laughter begins to die down, sending a disapproving look into the room behind you where you assume Lewis is giving him the same back. “You guys have five minutes, and absolutely no peeking.”

“We won’t.” You and Lewis both promise in unison, making both of you giggle as Charlotte and Miles walk away to another room to give you your privacy.

“I mean it!” Miles turns around to yell, still walking backwards as he points his finger at you, “ I will know just by the look on bruvs face if he caught a glimpse of you, don’t you dare.”

“We’ll be good, I promise. Thank you guys!” You yell back at him as they disappear through a nearby door.

“Hey you.” You hear Lewis’ soft voice after a moment, your heart swelling just upon hearing the recognizable timbre.

“Hi.” You squeak, forgetting everything you had wanted to say when you asked Charlotte to make this happen.

“Are you okay?” He asks you, his voice filled with concern and care.

“Yes, oh my god yes,” You start, your anxiety of concerning him coming back tenfold, “I’m so sorry, I just, I don’t know, I was getting really anxious and then I realized that I haven’t had a big moment in life without you either being right there or calling me for like more than five years and then I got worried that I wouldn’t make it through something like this without talking to you first, which is silly because I know I’m literally preparing myself to marry you, like I’m going to see you at the altar in like an hour but I don’t know, my mom said all this stuff about how amazing you are trying to calm my nerves and then I realized I absolutely had to at least talk to you and I’m sorry if you were busy, I’m not trying to be needy, you just calm me and this day is so much and there's so much going on and it has to be perfect and-” Your words are rushed, not thinking them through as you ramble to him, not stopping to even take a breath.

“Y/N,” Lewis cuts you off, his voice firm but gentle, “it’s okay, please take a breath.”

You drop your head, almost embarrassed by how calm he sounds with the emotions swirling around in your head at the moment. You listen to his request and take a deep breath, trying to calm your breathing and your mind.

“Good, now another.” He instructs you calmly as you feel his hand sneak around the door frame and brush your hip.

The moment you see his skin you reach down and grasp his hand firmly, needing him to ground you as you take yet another deep breath.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper as you squeeze his hand, trying to breathe like he wants you to.

“Baby, you have nothing to be sorry for,” He starts softly, squeezing your hand just as firmly, “I know this whole thing is a lot and there’s so much going on, but none of that is important. I don’t give a fuck how anything goes as long as I get to end the night married to you, that’s all that matters today,” His voice is soft as he assures you, washing over you like a warm blanket before it turns cheeky as he adds, “well I also want to see you in that dress and obviously whatever you have underneath it.”

You want to laugh and cry at the same time, amused by how easily a stupid (yet serious) comment could lift your spirits, simply because it came from him. Amazed that the same sentiment that has been spoken to you by everyone around you with no avail, could take a burden off your chest simply because they came from his mouth.

“I love you so much Lew.” You reply, squeezing his hand so hard you’re worried you’ll hurt him, trying to fight back tears as you do.

“I love you so much my sweet girl and I will tell you just how much when you meet me at the altar. You’ve changed my life, you’ve made me a better man, a better human, you’ve made me happier than I knew was even possible and I want nothing more than to marry you today. I don’t care how that happens, if you want to run away right now and head to vegas we can, at the end of the day I just want you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and nothing matters besides us. This whole castle could burn down right now and as long as I still had you I truly would not care. I love you so much and today is going to be incredible no matter what happens, but I bet you nothing will go wrong because we planned it and we’re pretty amazing.” He sealed his words with a kiss to the back of your hand, chuckling as he finished. His lips on your skin gave you a whole new sense of confidence and ignited a fire in the pit of your stomach.

You wished so badly that you could see him, that you could properly kiss him, but you reminded yourself that you were close to the finish line, that he would be all yours soon.

“I love you too, so so much, thank you for this, I’m sorry if I interrupted, I just needed to hear your voice and be close to you.” You admit to him with a sigh as you lean back against the wall.

“You’re never an interruption, whenever you need me I’m here, always. Besides, Miles wasn’t lying, I’ve been going crazy since we left the rehearsal dinner wanting to see you, touch you, kiss you, talk to you, literally anything. I know we’ve gone weeks apart from each other but everything feels different right now.” He tells you, making you smile, that you're not completely alone in your desperation. You take a moment, leaning against the wall in silence as you hold his hand, letting your nerves wash away.

“Alright, love birds! Time to go get fancy and hit the altar!” Miles’ voice cuts through your moment as he hollers and claps, returning to the room.

You let out a sigh, wishing your moment with Lewis could continue but reluctantly begin to move away from the wall. Before you can get too far, he is gripping your hand and pulling you back to place a kiss on your hand before leaving a lingering kiss on your pulse point.

“I love you Y/N, just come meet me at the altar. Nothing else matters.” His words are muttered into the skin of your wrist before he finally lets you go and Charlotte is ushering you away back to your suite as Miles stands guard making sure Lewis doesn’t cheat and sneak a peek at you.

“Feeling better?” Char asks as you make your way down the hall.

“So much better, I feel perfect.” You say through a smile, meaning it wholeheartedly, “ I’M GETTING MARRIED!”

[bloodyjuls-blog]

Im gonna fight for both of us

P4

So here we go with part 4, sorry it takes me too long but I'm working and hate work haha...

When Alexia entered the hospital she had no idea what she would find there, in one hand, she could find y/n awake but with some tiny injuries (it was what she wished) but what she found was a nurse informing her that they needed someone to give consent to perform an emergency surgery because y/n's accident is a serious life threatening emergency and Alexia knew well, the only person who could do that was your sister, she had the obligation to call her and inform her, she didn't bother to call your parents because she knew that you were not the most beloved daughter in that family, moreover, she knew that they wouldn't even miss you if you died, because she heard many conversations with them in which they clearly told you that you were a failure.

While Lilah, your sister, gave the authorization over the phone, the doctors explained to Alexia what had happened to y/n. First, when they arrived at the hospital y/n went into cardiac arrest due to the impact, then doing a general sweep they found cervical and spinal injuries that compromise her mobility, hence the emergency surgery. What worries them the most is the injury of her brain, apparently it has a severe inflammation and they are concerned that when she wakes up (if she does) she will have compromised her cognitive functions such as speaking, moving, remembering things, most likely she will have memory loss.

When her sister arrived at the hospital she was furious, how was it possible that y/n was drinking again and doing these things as irresponsible. Alexia got angry and said a few things to her.

"Look, I don't think that looking for blames is the solution, what I think is that we should support each other without blaming in favor of y/n not dying, because I swear that if she dies I am going with her, you don't understand the things she was going through, and being honest neither did I, and if looking for blames then blame me because I was the one insisting" Alexia said. "Insist on what, what did you say Alexia" says y/n's sister "I insisted so much on the idea of starting a family, having children, that without those things I couldn't continue with her, that all this time was lost, but I swear it's not like that, it hurts me a lot to know that probably the only thing she heard from me was that while she's always being the loveliest person she is told me that for her the family was me and she didn't need children while she was with me, you don't know how much I regret it." Says Alexia crying and Lilah just approached and hugged her. At the end of the day their relationship is very close. "Ale calm down a little and come let's sit down, I think I understand why y/n is like this with the family thing and maybe when y/n wakes up it will kill me because it's something she didn't want you to know" lilah says calmly. They settled into the waiting room chairs.

"Since she was very little, my sister has always been the black sheep, the daughter that nobody wanted, the girl that when she had the opportunity to left home she did and never came back, you know Alexia when my sister left I was very sad but as an older sister I always saw the mistreatment and never said anything, she stopped going to so many events, so many Christmas reunions, so many birthdays or things like that because she simply knew that they didn't want her, they didn't show it love of support, the only thing that accompanied her in her gray days and well not so gray, was her bottle of whiskey, what can you ask from a teenager who has social pressure for what she does and no support or family that can tuck her in and tell her that everything will be okay" says the sister between soft tears. "I didn't know that, I thought that since she was also getting along with you..." Ale said remembering the phone calls from your parents.

"Of course Ale, you more than anyone knows that she is not one of those people who scream her problems and plead for help, she didn't want you to see her as something weird, that's why she gets along so well with your family, she found love in you, to feel loved, tucked in by someone, valued, no matter what and luckily your family is just like you, if you see the relationship my parents have with me and have with her you would surely get angry because you and I know what is y/n and how important it is to have her in our lives, Ale I'm not going to lie to you, a while ago I also thought that my sister wanted to be a mother because you know mate, look at how she treats the children, they have a very special relationship, very nice, she is a pure soul, but all her life she has seen examples of how not to be parents, how my mother ignored her and her things, Alexia the fact that my parents are not here is not new, when that 17 year old girl in her peak career broke her cruciate ligament, nobody was there for her, not even to give her a bottle of water, and because of that and more things is that y/n is super strong and every thing she sets in her mind to do she achieves it. For many years it was just her against the world and she has lived many blows without saying a word, so if she gets out of here you will understand that it will be very difficult, she will need a lot of support because according to what I have been told, her injuries are serious, probably the only thing that keeps her alive is football and she won't can do that anymore" says Lilah calmer. "I swear Lilah when y/n gets out of here things will be different, I would have liked to have this same talk but with her and avoid this bump in our road but life gives some people a lot and others very little, I swear I will be in her way as long as she lets me, that girl deserves nothing but good things and I believe that all the people she has given her love have let her down in a certain way, but just like you, I also want to do well, did you know that at home I have the ring to propose to her? I swear that without it I can't live" says Alexia more calm and confident. "I'm glad to hear that Ale, you two do each other good, please don't lose that, you're all would be miserable for life and that's not what you're all deserve." Lilah said as she gave Alexia a hug.

Hours later

"Relatives of y/n y/l" says the receptionist on the OR floor. "We are" say Lilah and Alexia at the same time. "The doctor is cleaning up but he's on his way here to report his relative" says the girl stoically. "Thank you very much" they both say in unison.

Once in the study room with the doctor....

"Well, I must say that it was a very complicated surgery because we found internal injuries that we couldn't see in the x-ray and that compromised her health, I am not lying when I say that she went into cardiac arrest at least three times and that worries us a lot because it means that her heart is weak. About her cervical injuries I am afraid that only when she wakes up we will be able to know if she has sensitivity in her legs and if she will be able to walk again, but I must admit that because of the blows her spinal cord has been affected, I want to be very realistic with you, if we manage to have a satisfactory recovery it will be very difficult for her to return to her profession, because the high impact can cause definitive injuries, now my colleagues are monitoring her brain signals because in the resonance we saw very few but we can guarantee that there is no brain death, but any sequels will be determined once she wakes up, at the moment she is not in coma but she was not awake either, we have implemented a method of sedation a little strong but I insist she is not in coma, so now later when the entrance to her relatives is authorized you're all can talk to her, in this state she can listen hope so. Of course, the view that you are going to find is very strong, because she is connected to many tubes and intravenous lines, also her external injuries are a little strong and her foot has an external fixator because there was a fracture of the tibia and fibula". Says the doctor super calm but forceful.

"thank you very much doctor, the fact that she is still alive is because of your effort, let's hope that the evolution is positive, sure it is" says Lilah calm and Alexia super scared because she doesn't understand anything. "Well Ale, y/n is not well and there are strong changes coming in her life and the only thing we have left to do is be by her side to make it as bearable as possible, I am not so much worried about her physical injuries but mental then we must make sure that when she gets out of here she gets psychological attention, and have faith that she will get out of this because she is a super strong person, she always has been and this will be just a very fat bump for her, are you ready to see her" Lilah says optimistic. "I don't know, I just know that if I will always be even if she doesn't want me to, it will be hard for me to see her like this but that's okay" Alexia says forcefully. Alexia's phone starts ringing, it's Ana and Leah on joint call.

"Hi girls."

"Hi Alexia, what happened to y/n, did you find her" says Ana worried.

"Girls, y/n was involved in an accident and it's serious" says Alexia with her voice cracking remembering the anguish experienced a few hours ago.

"How???? What do you mean accident and serious????, my goodness" says Leah in dismay.

"Yes girls, apparently her car overturned at high speed on Tibidabo and her injuries are serious, she probably won't be able to play football anymore" "if you want to come I'm sure y/n would really appreciate it" says Ale sadly.

"I'm already looking at flights to Barcelona, I just can't believe it, what a downer girls, I'm so sad" says Leah in tears.

"Ale tells me which hospital you are, I'm on my way" says Ana in a hurry.

"We are in the one near Tibidabo" "now I'm sending you the location, I'm going to hang up, I'm going to go in to see my baby" and Alexia hung up.

Before entering the room Alexia calls the team managers to discuss what happened and they tell her not to worry that everything is going to be fine and that she can take all the time in the world to be with y/n.

Lilah takes Alexia's hand and asks her if she is ready to go in to which Ale nods not so sure....

When they enter the first thing they see is y/n lying on the bed with many tubes everywhere, one coming out of her mouth, IV in her arms, one in her leg and the fixator in her ankle adding the bandage on her head (because nothing can be seen from her spine but that's where her surgery was) a tube coming out of her side, Alexia's heart breaks in little pieces to see her like this, the love of her life lying on a bed fighting for her life....

"Ale, talk to her and hold her hand, so she could feel you are here, with her, while I go make some calls" "Ok" alexia says.

"Hello my love, I know that the last time I spoke to you I didn't say very nice things but I want you to know that they're not true, I was very angry with you, it is that you are a stubborn honey, why don't you tell me your things, my life you are going to be very well. You are going to recover and although everything will be very different I am going to be with your sister and you all the way, you are going to be well, healthy, strong and laughing at life as always, I am sad to see you like this, I don't like to see that you are having a bad time, I only ask you to fight and stay here with me, don't go without me, I love you so much, all the girls are worried, even Leah is coming from London later and Ana is on her way, I'm sure that when they see me they will want to tear my head off for being stubborn, and you should know that I don't mind not having children but as long as I have you, nothing happens. .. We will buy the little house on the beach that we want so much and we will be very happy my love, I cannot do without you, you are my life, you have always been my life, I love you, very much and I will not leave here and go home without you. I love you too much, you can't imagine how much..." Alexia says through tears as she comes over and gives you a little kiss on your uninjured cheek. She arranges the chair next to you and doesn't let go of your hand, trying to give you some human warmth in that cold room. And she falls asleep for a while to the sound of the monitors lulling her to sleep.

[horrortember]

Calling all lovers of darkfic, grimdarks, creepypastas, and scary stories! I had yet to see a monthly writing event themed around horror, so I made one! The event will occur in September, so you have plenty of time to get ready.

If you feel like participating, tag your fills with #horrortember2024, and I'll reblog as many as I can! Fanfic is strongly encouraged, but original fiction is accepted as well. And, depending on how many people join, I'll post a list of completionists or participants at the end of the month!

A written list of prompts is under the cut:

1. AND THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN WHAT I DESERVE, FOR MY TEETH TO JUST FALL OUT: body horror, parasite, gore

2. BUT THEY SAW SOMETHING THAT’S REAL: pretending to be human, identical, visceral

3. WHO’S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF: vampires, zombies, werewolves

4. IT’S ALWAYS BEST WHEN THE LIGHTS ARE OFF: music, silence, echoes

5. BURIED ABOVE THE GROUND: dust, overgrown, forgotten

6. WHAT HAVE I DONE: losing memories, possession, cursed

7. DREAMLESS SLEEP: sick, survivor, injury

8. NOW ONLY DOGS WILL FOLLOW ME: cannibalism, eaten alive, maggots

9. HAVE YOU HEARD THE STORY OF THE RABBIT IN THE MOON: meta, cosmic horror, forbidden knowledge

10. WE DIDN’T GO IN THERE ALONE: hunted, solitary, darkness

11. YOU CAN’T RUN FROM ME FOREVER: obsession, yandere, overpowering emotions

12. I WEEP AND SAY GOODNIGHT, LOVE, AS MY ORGANS PACK IT IN: doomsday, apocalypse, certain death

13. WHAT DO YOU KNOW: nightmare, prophecy, inevitable

14. I CAN MAKE THE WORLD SEEM SLOW: polaroid, motel, record player

15. DON’T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE: doll, reflection, facet

16. NEVER SHALL WE DIE: immortality, decay, cyclical

17. WHAT DID YOU BURY BEFORE THOSE HANDS PULLED ME FROM THE EARTH: oops, self-made monster, playing god

18. SHE’LL SAY SHE LOVES YOU, EVEN THOUGH SHE ONLY WANTS TO STEAL YOUR SOUL: haunting the narrative, inseparable, devotion

19. ARE YOU ALIVE, AM I AWAKE: chills, hallucinations, paranoia

20. IN THE RED, YOU’RE BETTER OFF DEAD: hunger, craving, unconventional needs

21. HOW DO I BREAK YOU BEFORE YOU BREAK ME: unreliable narrator, serial killer, manipulation

22. THERE IS NO END: help isn’t coming, final girl, trauma

23. LIFE CAN BE LIKE A DREAM: gone wrong, descent into madness, distrust

24. HEAR THEM LAUGHING UNDERNEATH: hollow, below the surface, remnants

25. I’LL SAY GOODBYE SOON: timeloop, lesson learned, consequence

26. NO CURE IS COMING NEAR: animals, rabies, primal fears

27. WHY DON’T YOU LET ME BE FREE: hanahaki, soulmates, trope inversion

28. AND THEN HE STARTED LAUGHING UNTIL HE CRACKED HIS JAW: butterflies, roses, sunshine

29. WHERE LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL ALL THE TIME: man-made, perfection, out of place

30. YOU ARE CALLED TO THE TREES: climb, descend, mass migration

[barcalover86]

I love your writing ❤️ can you do one where reader faints. (With gavi)

Our secret

You and Gavi were together for 4 months, but only your close friends and families knew about the relationship. You wanted to keep it really private so showing up online was a big no for both of you. At least for some time.

Today, you had to attend to a game of his, but what you didn't expect was how late you actually arrived because, at this moment, thousands of fans were there, pushing each other to enter the stadium faster.

The game had to start in 10 minutes, and you started to feel anxious.

You took out your phone from your pocket and texted Gavi that you'll be a bit late because of the busy crowd.

After what seemed like ages, it was finally your turn to show your ticket, and after everything was alright, you entered the stadium, looking for your seat.

You weren't staying at the vip section because you didn't want your cameras to be on you. That'd make you so uncomfortable, so that's why you always buy a seat right next to it. The view was really good and you could see Gavi perfect from your ankle. This way, it wouldn't feel weird to wear your boyfriend's jersey because no one would suspect you to be his girlfriend. Just perfect.

But as the game continues normally, you start to feel dizzy and in a desperate need of water, so you stand up, apologizing to the people next to you, going to the nearest store to buy something to drink.

It wasn't really far away, but you felt like you couldn't walk. Your legs started to shake, and in you felt weird sound in your ears.

Maybe it was because of your sugar level, so when you arrived at the barca store, you also asked for a chocolate.

While you were waiting to pay, you felt like you were almost dying. Your head was spinning around like crazy and when the lady gave you the water and chocolate, you desperately began to drink it.

She looked at you like you were a weirdo, but at the moment, you didn't care. Not even a little bit.

Suddenly your body started to feel so, but so weak so you couldn't made it to the stands.

Pushing yourself to sit down on the floor, you got out your phone from your jacket and texted Gavi.

"Can we please meet before your second half? It's urgent!"

He always looks at his phone when it is brake, so now you are waiting for the game to end.

There were 20 more minutes.

You closed your eyes, trying to breathe, but nothing was working. You opened the chocolate trying to at least eat, hoping that it would help somehow.

Now it was only 5 minutes apart from the break and you decided to stand up go go back to your seat so that you could meet Gavi there, but just when you tried to, a big wale of dizziness accaperated you and the next moment you were again on the floor, but now unconscious.

When Gavi arrived in the changing rooms, he took his phone after drinking some water, only to see a text from you. He then replied with Where are you?

But even after some minutes he got no reply from you. He then started to look after you but he couldn't find you anywhere. He started to get really worried and just when he wanted to call you again for what seemed like the 10th time, Xavi, his coach, was doing it.

"Yes, mister."

"I'm sorry about what happened, Gavi. You won't play the second half so that you can go stay with her. All my best wishes for you two." he says.

Gavi was really confused and didn't understand what he was talking about.

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"You don't know?"

Now the boy started to panic.

"What am I supposed to know? I know nothing!?" he said it in a desperate and angry voice. What was he supposed to know?

"Your girlfriend fainted minutes ago. She is still unconscious."

Gavi's heart started to beat faster and faster.

"Where is she?" he asked, trying hard to remain as calm as possible.

"At the medical center."

After ending the call, Gavi ran to you, hoping and praying to God that you are now ok and awake. But you were not.

Doctors tried to calm him down, but he started to shout at them to leave him alone.

"What tf even happened to her?! I fucking told you to look after her! You had one freaking job, idiot!" he said to one of his friends who was always staying next to you at the games.

"She suddenly disappeared and when I started to look for her she was staying on the floor unconscious! I'm sorry, ok?"

Gavi put his hands on his face and started to cry.

"I'm really, really sorry, Gavi. I had to take care of her and I failed.."

"What if she won't be alright? I can't continue without her." he sobbed hard. "You don't understand, you just don't understand!"

He took you in his arms while the doctors ran some tests for you.

When you woke up, your head was rested on Gavi's leg. His eyes were red and puffy and your heart broke at the sight.

After everything was alright, you two exited the medical center. Gavi not didn't care that people were watching you, he just kissed you, wanting bad to feel you.

You kissed him back sweetly and you felt a tear roll down his face.

He then hugged you again tight, feeling hoe fast his heart was actually beating. He was afraid of losing you.

"I'm sorry, y/n/n. I should have protected you.."

[bethsvrse]

Hey do you take requests for Timothee Chalamet? if so I'd love one where he's sick from eating too much chocolate on the Wonka set and the female reader takes care of him

PAIRING Timothee Chalamet x fem!reader

A/N I love Timmy sm, hope you enjoy it!!!

WARNINGS mentions of vomiting/over eating. Shitty dialogue.

There were groans coming from the bathroom, waking you up from your sleep. You rubbed your eyes tiredly as you reach over and grab your phone from you bedside table. Turning it on, you winced at the light, quickly turning down your brightness. Once that was done, you checked the time.

4:27 am. A ghastly time for anyone to be awake. You turned off your phone and went to go snuggle back into Timothee, only to realise that he’s not there, which causes you to also realise the reason why you awake.

Another groan came from the bathroom. You sighed as you stood up out of bed and curiously walked toward the ensuite. Opening the door, you were once again, blinded by a light. Blinking away the brightness, you looked around the bathroom only to find Timmy leaning over the toilet.

You suddenly felt more awake, and you immediately kneeled down next to him, pushing his hair back. Timmy groaned again before vomiting once more. You rubbed his back in sympathy, “it’s okay baby, let it out.”

Timothee groaned as he pulled his head out of the toilet, “go back to bed, Y/N/N. I’m okay.”

You rolled your eyes. You knew Timothee had an issue with letting people help him. Being with him for 3 years, you can’t count the amount of times you tried to help him with things and him denying the help.

“Timmy, your obviously not okay. Please just let me help.” You tell him as you cup his face with your hands. He puts his hands on top of yours as he nods slowly, before gagging and throwing up in the toilet once more. You stand up and walk over to the sink to wash your hands. After you do that, you grab a face washer from one of the drawers and wet it.

You walk back over to Timmy with the washer in hand. He looks up at you and you almost cry with how much pain he looks to be in. You give him a small smile as you wipe his face. You flush the toilet, and stand up once more. “I’ll be back in a second, okay baby?” You tell him, only receiving a small nod in return.

You walk out of your guys bedroom and into the kitchen to grab a bucket. When you return, you see Timmy leaning against the bathroom door with a frown on his face. You give him a small smile before placing the bucket next to his side on the bed. “Did you brush your teeth?” You ask him and he nodded, crawling into bed with you. He snuggles his face into your chest before wrapping his arms around your waist.

“When did you start throwing up?” You question.

“I don’t know.” Timmy tells you. “I first threw up yesterday morning, but today my stomach is just not agreeing with me. I threw up twice before you came to help me.” He says.

You rub his back in sympathy. “Maybe it’s from all the chocolate you’ve been eating. I noticed you only had dinner on Monday but go through like, several packets of chocolate.”

Timothee looks deep in thought before agreeing with you, “your probably right…”

“I always am.” You tell him with a small laugh before getting comfortable yourself. “Maybe you should lay off chocolates for a few weeks.”

“Yeah, probably.” He mutters. You can feel Timmy’s body start to relax before you hear small snores from him. Leaning over, you turn off your bedside light, before falling asleep yourself.

A/N call me Bill Denbrough cause I dont know how to end a story!!!! 🤙

hoped you liked it though anon 💕

[byunpum]

Ghost girl | part 2

Pairing: Neteyam x Albino na'vi!fem x Sully family

Warning: All the characters are aged up 20’s, injured, neytiri being the mom we all need, teyam is a shy babygurl, soft & crush moments.

Note:I am taking this story as I am feeling it. I don't have an ending written, so I'm going to let it all just flow. I hope you like this chapter. You know that all opinions are welcome. BTW… I'll keep answering requests. I have a lot of them in my inbox, so please be patient. <3 Thank you for helping me in the last post.

AVATAR MASTERLIST | Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5(final)

1 year ago…

"Auyat, I must accept my destiny, it's the right thing to do" you speak, adjusting a few pieces of your hair. "But…you don't love him" the girl is sitting weaving a berry basket. Berry picking season was approaching. "You're right, I don't love him…but I don't plan to disobey my father" you look at your friend, who is looking at you with a raised eyebrow. You let go of what you're doing… and settle closer to your friend's side. "I have no choice, it's the right way, you know Dad wants the lineage to continue…and according to him, Seyey is the perfect man for me" your voice sounds almost lazy, as you feel your friend stroking your hair. "So what happened about that dream…about the boy?" she asks you.

You laugh a little, remembering the vision you had had months ago. The dream was simple…a bright lake, in front of you was a man. You could recognize some of his features…but you couldn't see his whole face. You could feel more the sensation of being with him. He was holding your hand, and you could feel the love he felt for you. How you laughed, and spent time together, until you woke up quickly…damn, you were in love with a dream.

"That's just a dream!!!" you laugh, pulling away from her. "It's a vision…lately your talents are at their peak" she is excited, getting up to spin around. You both laugh, she was cheerful and awkward…but she was your best friend. Almost your sister. The girl sits down smack next to you, hugging you. "You know I'll always be here for you…no matter what you choose" your friend speaks, as you turn to look at her. "Me too…me too" returning the hug. You feel the hug grow colder, turning to look at your friend. Noticing her body fade over your hands…until there is nothing left. There is nothing left of her.

You open your eyes suddenly, where were you? What had happened? The last thing you remember is the face of that woman…your baby!!!. Where the hell is your baby? You sit up suddenly, but the pain in your leg reminds you of the reason why you had fainted. You get more comfortable on the sheets you were lying on. And you start to look at the bands on your body. It was different from what you had seen before, 'new medicine' you think. You also notice how much warmer it was than in your village. Everything was dry, and hot. This was not good for you… your body was used to the cold temperatures. Looking at the decorations that adorned the hut, you laugh a little. Somehow it reminded you of your mother. You see how the curtains of the hut open, and by instinct you try to wrap your body. But the pain gets the better of you and you let out a moan.

"Oh…you're awake," says mo'at. Carefully approaching, seeing how you had your ears pinned to your head, and your eyes dilated. "Wow…you sure have a lot of hair" mo'at reaches over and strokes the side of your hair a little. The snow na'vi were very different, not only because of their skin. But because of their physical appearance, white and abundant hair. Perfect to protect them from the dangerous cold. His eyes were brown, perfect for camouflage among the cold trees. Besides, everyone knows that brown is the color of choice for the cold seasons. "Where is my baby… I" you start to speak, but you see how the woman hands you a container, which contained a liquid. "He is with my daughter…the woman who rescued you, he is safe" she speaks, watching as your body relaxes a little. "But he is not hurt?" you ask, mo'at shakes her head. Trying to calm you down. "You need to take that drink…it will help you stay strong" mo'at says. You are looking at the drink, as you begin to sip it a little at a time. "The best thing would be for you to rest…your son is in good hands." Mo'at speaks.

The truth is that you were still tired, and having a baby in your care while feeling so tired was not recommended, and something inside you told you that he was in good hands. After taking your drink, you lay down on your side. Mo'at watches you, you were hugging your body in a ball position. You were heartbroken, it wasn't easy to be here… after all you had been through. Maybe you were the only survivor of your clan… you were alone. Mo'at, in a very motherly moment, kneels down next to you, places your hand in your hair. She says nothing, just feels you sigh, and can hear some whimpering. She settles down next to you, to comfort you. You had been through so much.

On the other side of the village, neytiri held the baby in her arms. She had spent day and night caring for him. She had to admit she was tired, jake was out hunting with lo'ak. Kiri was taking care of tuk, she was out for a walk with her sister. And she only had neteyam with her, her eldest son was helping her prepare the afternoon meal. "teyam…will you help me with something?" says neytiri, watching as her son gets up from the floor, and drops the pots he was holding. "What am I good at mother" neteyam comes to her side. Neytiri in a smooth but quick movement, stretches out her arms to hand the baby to neteyam. Clumsily he tries to hold him. "M-mama what," stammers neteyam. "I want to walk for a while…plus I'll go get what's missing for dinner" says neytiri, watching as neteyam takes the baby in his arms. Before the boy could protest, neytiri got up, grabbed a basket and hurried out of the family hut. She knew that neteyam would do a good job.

"And now what do I do with you…ahhh?" says neteyam, this was making him nervous. The last time he had held a baby in his arms was tuk, but he was still an infant. Now everything was strange… noticing how the baby moved his nose, and raised his little hands. He placed his hand, so that the baby would hold his finger. "Wow…you are small…and very white" neteyam laughs, now he was sitting on the floor. Stroking the baby's hair, nuzzling it more on his chest. "What would your name be?" neteyam touches the baby's nose, causing the baby to make a little vague smile on his little mouth. Neteyam felt herself growing tender, this baby was so tender and beautiful to his eyes. Lifting his arms, to give him a little kiss on his cheek. "You are precious!!!" neteyam speaks in a higher pitched voice.

After a while, about 1 hour or so. Neteyam had placed the baby in the small hammock his mother had made for him. While he was preparing some hunting tools, sharpening his knives and arrows. Until he hears the baby start to cry, he gets up and runs to the baby. Taking him in his arms. "Hey…what's wrong? Are you dirty?" says neteyam, examining if the baby had done any of its needs. The baby's clothes were strange, compared to the clothes of the omaticaya babies. This one was more covered, a type of cloth…that seemed to be the skin of some animal. "mmm are you clean…ahhh does anything hurt?" says neteyam, as he holds the baby in his arms, lifting him up to place his ears on the small stomach. "oh!!! You seem to be hungry" neteyam closes his eyes a little, when he hears how the baby starts to cry louder. "calm down!!!" neteyam tries to soothe him, but he doesn't even know what to feed him. I mean…this baby is supposed to be drinking breast milk. Taking some time to think, as he paces back and forth around the hut.

'Mo'at' thinks neteyam. His grandmother would help him, of course…he couldn't go to where the baby's mother was, because she was hurt. But his grandmother would help. He quickly leaves the hut, and makes his way to the mo'at hut. Entering, he sees that all is quiet. The baby had calmed down a bit, neteyam found that as long as he was moving the baby was quiet. Entering and examining the area. There was no one, until he saw a figure on one of the beds. It seemed to be a girl…and he knew immediately that you were the mother. Because it was very obvious, because of your skin and hair color. The boy approaches carefully, but a crying sound is heard throughout the hut. This causes you to wake up.

"What's going on?" you speak, carefully getting up. You still had your eyes half closed, as you tried to see what was happening. When you finally open your eyes, you see a man. Holding your baby, and your baby crying. "I'm sorry, I" neteyam speaks, but suddenly goes quiet. You both make eye contact for a couple of seconds, before you look down. "Is that my baby? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY BABY?" you yell a little, raising your arms. Signaling, to hand him over to you. Neteyam without hesitation, rushes over. With his tail tucked between his legs, handing you the baby. Watching as you quickly embrace him. A smile comes across your face, as you sniff at your baby's hair. "Mama's here… now,now," you cuddle the baby. He is crying, but his fury has diminished as he hears and smells your scent.

"He's hungry…so I brought him with mo'at…I swear I didn't want to get you up" neteyam tries to apologize. But see how you are ignoring him, all your attention was now placed on your baby. He sits up, he wasn't too far away from you. But he was at the perfect distance to respect your space. He stays quiet, watching you cuddle your baby. Moving your top, to breastfeed your child. Giving him a little kiss on his forehead, "I think it was a woman who was taking care of my child" you look up, still annoyed. But you feel your breath catch, when you finally make eye contact with neteyam.

His eyes…his bright eyes. The shape of his nose…and how his hair fell to his shoulders. Your pupils dilate…it couldn't be him, it was almost impossible. Your gazes never leave each other's side, it seems as if the two of you have met at some point. You feel him so familiar…his gaze is so familiar. "Neteyam" you speak softly, noticing how the man's ears perk up. "Do we know each other?" neteyam asks, still making eye contact with you. You feel that same pressure in your chest that you felt when you had that…dream. "No…I don't think so" you speak, shifting your gaze. You hear a chuckle, neteyam was laughing to himself. "Sure…I've never seen anyone like you" neteyam's eyes scan your whole body. Then he looks at your face again.

"Yes" you felt a little embarrassed, out of nowhere you were embarrassed and you swear you were blushing. It couldn't be him…it could be something else. 'eywa stop doing your thing..no, no ,no ,no' you think. How could it be him, you don't even know him. "Hey are you okay?" neteyam asks, reaching over to touch your shoulder a little, but just before he touched you. You startle, pulling away a little. "Ohh sorry honey" you speak, the movement had knocked your baby off your boob. You try to get comfortable, but with the wraps and your clothes it was very difficult. Neteyam reaches over, and takes a piece of clothing that was covering your breast. Holding it up, so you could better fit your baby. "Thank you" you speak, seeing how he gives you a smile. "You're welcome…hey, why are you turning red?" asks Neteyam. And yes, you were turning very red.

The tips of your ears were red and your nose. So were your cheeks. You shake your head to the other side. "Ahhh it's nothing…I think it's the heat. It's VERY hot in here" you yell a little. Neteyam falls silent, you had surprised him. "Yeah…you're not used to this weather. My mother told us where you came from" you watch as he settles more in his seat. And gives the 'I see you' sign. "I know it must have been awful what you've been through… but you're welcome to this clan" speaks neteyam. Damn…he had to be so nice and kind. "Thank you I…" just as you were about to thank him, you hear someone enter the hut. It was three people to be more precise. Neytiri, Kiri and Mo'at. The three women are a bit surprised, when they see neteyam next to you and the baby.

"You were supposed to be taking care of him," says neytiri, approaching you. "Yes…he just got hungry. I came to see if grandma was here so she could help me…but look" neteyam points his arms at you. " His mom was awake" neteyam says. "You woke me up" you speak, seeing how neytiri gave him a dirty look. Neteyam curls into a ball, hugging his knees. Neytiri turns to look at you, smiling tenderly. "And how are you?" she asks, noticing how you cuddle your baby. "I'm fine…I wanted to thank you for not leaving me there, I'm thankful…. for everything" you speak, looking up to look at mo'at as well. Neytiri caresses your face. "You're welcome… I had to do it, I wouldn't have forgiven myself if something had happened to you" neytiri speaks, sitting down closer to your side.

"What's the baby's name?" asks Kiri, the girl is already in front of you. You are a little surprised, but you laugh. You lift the baby in your arms. "His name is herwì" you speak. Neytiri smiles a little, taking the baby's foot in her hands. "That is a beautiful name" kiri moves closer to the baby. Neytiri looks up, to see neteyam looking at you. The look seemed to be calm, while his tail wagged in fast taps. It could be curiosity, the woman thought. "Well…I see you met my oldest son…sorry I left the baby for him. I had to get things for dinner," neytiri says, apologizing to you. You wave your hands. "Don't worry he is" you give a quick glance at neteyam, who looks down at the floor when he notices that you caught him looking at you. "He's very funny" you speak. Kiri laughs, and taps neteyam. "Wow…someone says you're funny" kiri teases her brother. The latter rolls his eyes, turning to look at another spot in the hut.

After half an hour, everyone was still there in the hut. Neytiri was doing her best to make you feel comfortable in your new home. Because it was. Neytiri had a very long conversation with Jake, she wanted him to agree to let the girl stay in the clan. The only thing you were asking for was shelter, you had lost everything. Jake was quick to agree, first he couldn't say no to his mate. And second… he understood what you were going through AND he wasn't going to leave a young mother abandoned. This made Neytiri happy, she felt a responsibility to you. The only thing she was curious about was what had really happened…and where was your family? She didn't want to be disrespectful…but she was very curious.

Neteyam had moved closer to you, listening as you and Kiri talked. Kiri kept talking about how you were going to like everything in this clan. How she was going to help you. He was just giving you a few glances, praying you wouldn't notice he was looking at you every 4 seconds. At that, you hear some noises coming from the entrance of the hut. Some na'vi were carrying a man. You could see that his leg was very bad. All this noise made the baby get up and start crying. Mo'at got up and led the men to place the wounded man on one of the beds. Mo'at received the injured of the clan, took care of them. So this hut, it was almost like a hospital.

You try to calm the baby, but he was very upset. He wouldn't stop crying, he woke up scared. "May I?" asks neteyam, signaling for you to hand over the baby. You, without complaint, hand him the baby. Watching as he lays him on his chest and gets up. To now walk back and forth. You laugh, but you are surprised. "wow…look at that" says kiri, herwi had calmed down. Falling asleep on neteyam's chest. "neteyam, you have a talent with babies," says neytiri, laughing a little. She thought it was adorable to see her son, comforting the baby. Meanwhile neytiri had gotten up and was now walking towards her mother. Mo'ate was busy, helping the man. "mom… y/n is she better?" asks neytiri.

"Yes…but she needs help and supervision, in a week she will be as good as new" Mo'at speaks, still working. Neytiri takes another look, she saw how kiri and neteyam were already getting along with you. As if they had known you all their lives… you gave off such a beautiful vibe. She felt that this place was not right for a wounded mother and her baby to be. "There an empty hut?" mo'at looks at neytiri. "No…not at the moment" mo'at continues to treat the man. "Mother…I think it is right that I take y/n to rest in my hut. We will take care of her…besides this is not a safe place for a baby" says neytiri. "I find it fine…you just have to ask her" says mo'at, she was deep in her work, ignoring her daughter a bit. Neytiri gets up, and walks to your side.

You look up, watching as the woman sits down next to you. Placing her hand on your back. "Y/n…have a question" neytiri speaks, you give her your full attention. "mmm I was wondering…would you like to sleep in our hut?" neytiri speaks, this gets neteyam and kiri's attention. "yesssss say yes" kiri says, hugging your arm. Neteyam was still holding the baby in his arms. This question makes him a little anxious, he kept quiet waiting for your answer. "Ahh mmm I don't know, I don't want to disturb" you say. "No honey… it would be my pleasure. I want you to be more comfortable, besides…I think you want to be in a better place" says Neytiri. "You're right…I accept" you speak, watching as a smile forms on neytiri's face. You swear you almost started to cry…she was so much like your mom. You missed her so much.

Neytiri got up from the floor, ready to leave. "I think I'll need help" you look at your thigh, the wound was still very fresh. Neytiri analyzes the situation. "Neteyam…why don't you help me carry her" Neytiri orders. Neteyam hands the baby to her mother, approaching you. Kneeling down, "If you allow me…" says neteyam, bringing one of his hands to your waist. And another under your thigh. Lifting you carefully, in bridal mode. Out of instinct, and to keep your thigh from stretching so much. You bring your arms around neteyam's neck, you were afraid of falling and hurting yourself. Neteyam tightens his grip, and holds you tighter. Neteyam held you very close, your face was inches away from his. He swear he could smell the scent of pine and something sweet, he loved it. "Ok…we are ready" says Neteyam. Neytiri says goodbye to mo'at and they all leave the hut. Not if before hearing how mo'at shouted. "Be very careful with her…I will come later to give you all the medicines". Everyone in the group continues walking towards the family hut. Neytiri was happy…stroking the baby's tiny head. But the movement of her son's tail caught her attention, it was very fast. And it was up… Neytiri chuckled to herself.

That same night…

Arriving at the hut, neytiri set everything up. You couldn't stay in a hammock, so she set up a nice trundle bed. Perfect for you and the baby to be comfortable. "And as I was saying… the thanator are the most dangerous" lo'ak speaks, the boy had introduced himself the first minute he arrived at the hut. He had been impressed with you, asking why you were so white and why your hair was like that. Neytiri had to tap him to get him to calm down and not bother you. On the other hand, you felt very comfortable, seeing that they had received you so kindly. Meanwhile neteyam was sitting somewhere on the side of the hut, watching you.

"Ma jake… thank you for accepting" says neytiri, Jake and neytiri were outside the hut talking. "Ma neytiri..don't worry. You know I don't mind helping…that's what we're here for. Besides," jake glances inside the hut, "She gives off a good vibe," says Jake. Neytiri places a hand on his arm, somewhat excited. "Exactly…I thought I was the one who felt that" neytiri laughs a little. Jake just stood there for a moment, watching how all the young people were getting along so well. Lo'ak and you were talking, kiri and tuk were playing with the herwi, well kiri was holding the baby and tuk was showing him her new toys. Even though the baby didn't understand anything. Until he noticed how your ears were turning red and you looked a little uncomfortable. "The girl looks a little strange…I think there's something wrong with her" jake speaks, neytiri looks at you and notices the same thing. Entering the hut quickly.

"Y/n…are you ok?" neytiri asks, noticing the same thing jake saw. "Ahh yes" you speak, somewhat shyly. You didn't want to intrude, this family was completely welcoming you. The least you could do was complain. "You're getting a little red…are you sure?" says neytiri, coming towards you. "Well…I'm a little hot" you say. And of course you were hot. Your clothes were not the same as what they were wearing. While the sully family wore lighter clothing, you had a fur top that covered your breasts. And your loincloth was made of a strong, somewhat furry fabric. "Baby… I think your clothes are making you hot," Jake says, coming towards you. "I think so" you giggle a little. "Well…I think I have a few pieces of clothing that would fit you" says neytiri. You nod your head, accepting the woman's proposal.

Jake takes the men of the family with him, so that Neytiri will have more confidence to help you change. With the excuse that they would help him look for what was missing for the dinner. Neytiri looked for one of the clothes that she had kept, which were decorated with feathers and some precious stones. They matched the loincloth. Kiri and Neytiri help you, you couldn't move much. But this felt so comfortable…they were treating you like part of their family, and you barely knew them. Or so you thought…you swear you knew them, it was a feeling you couldn't understand. "thank you" you speak watching as neytiri adjusts the last knot of your loincloth. "It looks great on you…you look beautiful" says Kiri. You felt a little strange…but this relieved the heat. After a while, jake came in accompanied by his son. "oh, wow…you look better now" says jake, holding a basket full of cooked fish. Neteyam felt that now he was the one feeling hot, as he came in he saw you sitting there. Seeing you looking very beautiful in the clothes of his people.

He could notice how you give him a quick glance giving him a smile, making him change his. He quickly ran to where his father was to help him. "ok… family today we are going to eat near Y/N" says jake, motioning for everyone to settle around you. Everyone takes a seat around you. Grabbing the utensils they needed to start eating. Dinner was going very well, everyone was having a great time. But something was bothering neytiri, she wanted to know more about you. "Y/n…sorry to ask this…but could you tell us what happened…and where is your partner? Mo'at told us a little about your clan…but she couldn't say what happened" speaks jake, making neytiri turn around in surprise. "No…y/n you don't have to" neytiri tries to apologize.

"Don't worry…I'll tell you" you let go of the pot you were holding. "One year ago… they came to our village. The humans came saying they needed a mineral…that only grows in our lands. Dad refused, and you know what happened." You take a breath, seeing how everyone was giving you their full attention. "The attacks and landings became more frequent, until what I never thought would happen occurred…I had seen it in one of my visions. But I thought no…it wasn't possible. But they attacked with everything they had" your eyes began to fill with tears. "Dad stayed fighting, while my mother helped me get out of the village, she told me to come here. Everyone…there was no one left alive. The families, the children…everything. "You lower your face, as the tears came down. You feel someone hug you, and that was Neytiri. Holding you by the shoulders, so that you were closer to her.

There was a short silence, until someone begins to speak. "And your partner?" kiri asks. You raise your head, wiping your eyes a little. "He died in battle when I was three months pregnant" you speak, neytiri could sense a bit of coldness when you talk about your mate. This caused her another question, this was a forced pairing…that had to be it, neytiri thought to herself. "And about the visions…" lo'ak is so interested in your story, all of you seemed interesting to him. "ooh…I am a seer, well an apprentice…my skill is not fully developed, I am still very young. I have visions of people and future events, I myself don't understand what happens to me sometimes" you laugh a little. This made sense now, that's what mo'at was talking about.

"In our clan we are very close with eywa, much more so than all the other clans. Eywa guides us and speaks directly to us." You speak, this makes neytiri raise her ears and look at jake with fascination. "But…that's not possible" says neteyam, you look at him and laugh a little at him. "Well, yes… it's a calling. It's a unique feeling" you speak, looking now at kiri, who is watching you. Understanding every word. "Well…it's all very impressive…and I understand what you've been through" jake says, touching your shoulder. "I'm glad you found our clan…I promise you'll be safe" jake gives you a smile. Oh, you could feel that…he wasn't quite a full-blooded na'vi. He was a mixture, you almost saw jake's whole life up to this moment. You stay quiet, and smile back. You get annoyed with yourself, your ability to see events, it wasn't something you could control. Jake started talking about something else, he wanted to change the subject. He knew this was a difficult topic to talk about.

After dinner…everyone got ready for bed. You were settling your herwin next to you. You felt strange, but happy to have peace of mind. As you tucked your baby in, with a blanket. You saw neytiri come up to you. "Are you feeling all right? Don't you need anything?" neytiri asks you. You smile and let her know you are comfortable, watching her say goodbye to you. You stand there, looking at the home decor, numbering the differences. You had so much to learn… you were beginning to feel melancholy. "Hey" neteyam speaks, you turn to look at him. "Did something happen?" you ask, watching as he bends down on his knee. "I didn't introduce myself properly… my name is neteyam" the boy extends his hand to you, you timidly but confidently hold his hand. And you finally recognize him… it's him. He is the boy from the lagoon. Your heart races a million times, and again you feel yourself blushing.

"I'm Y/N" you say, seeing how her face is drawing a nice smile. "Thank you for trusting us…I hope you feel comfortable" speaks Neteyam. You barely speak, nodding your head 'yes'. Neteyam laughs, as he adjusts your hair a little. "Rest," says Neteyam, getting up from the floor. But not before stopping and looking at you. "And yes…I think we've met before" he laughs…and walks back to his hammock.

It couldn't be…it could be, it was him.

p.s: I tried to explain as much as I could in this part, but I think the Y/N story is more complicated and longer than I thought. I think it's better if I tell it little by little. Tell me what did you think about this part?

Teyam babygurls: symptoms-of-moonlight , tru-blubelle, mashiromochi, ducks118, butterfly-ibuki

If there is any problem with the tags, let me know and I will try to fix it as quickly as possible. tag list is open, just let me know *3*//

[scribblesofagoonerr]

Cos' sometimes sleep isn't enough anymore | Inner Demons

⟫ Alphabet Challenge, C - Cos' sometimes sleep isn't enough anymore

Pairings: leah williamson x teen reader, arsenal wfc x teen reader

I guess I'm on a roll tonight? 3 parts posted so far, I'm not even sure how many parts this will end up with but, um, yeah, i hope you like this one and it's not to heavy to read.

Absolutely none of it's proof-read so yet again it could seem jumbled up or not even make sense but umm I can't sleep and my brain is overthinking at 4 am so this is the result of it :)

Thanks for all the continuous love and support on this so far!

Waking up in hospital, you think over your thoughts about what happened and wonder if you really did mean to do it?

tw: heavy angst, talks of SH, MH, suicide and death.

Bright lights and slow repetive beeps followed by the sterile smell of a hospital enrivoment.

That's how you knew it was bad when you woke up.

You really hadn't mean for it to get to that point though, you made the mistake of cutting deeper than you should have and now you have landed yourself in the hospital.

This was definitely not your smartest move you had pulled.

Something tells you it wouldn't be so easy to hide your pain behind a fake smile now.

You felt the wet tears covering your own hand along with the heavy weight of another body practically leaning on you.

"Geez, did somebody die in here or something?" Was the first words you spoke since you had fallen unconcious and of course, it was with your usual cocky teenage atttiude.

Dark humour has always been your go to, you hate to show any type of vulnerability.

"Y/N/N" Leah voice croaks in surprise as she sits bolt up right to look straight at you. "You're awake, finally!" she immediately breaks down into sobs again as she reaches towards you and wraps her arms around you.

"Yeah, I'm awake but there's no need to cry about it" You struck back with the same cocky atittude, that drove your team mates crazy but loved you never the less. "Seriously though, did someone die? Cos' you're crying that much right now that I'm begining to think so" you note, hiding your own pain behind the smile.

Just keep smiling, nobody will ask questions.

Everyone will think you're fine.

"Seriously, Y/N?" Leah is quick to smack you around the back of the head as she's now giving you one of her famous glares, one that you knew all too well. "You scared me to death, you little shit!" she admits, showing her vunerability.

"Ow. Ow-- Hey, you can't hit me, I'm fragile right now" You can't help but pout and hope for sympathy from the older blonde girl.

"Fragile, huh? You seem fine enough to be making jokes" Leah remarks as she continues to glare at you.

"Come on, you know that dark humour is the way to go sometimes Le" You grin at the blonde, who doesn't seem to have the same idea.

See? Totally easy to hide your pain.

Leah just stares at you in disbelief you're really cracking jokes right now, "You're unbelieve sometimes, Y/F/N" she mutters aloud.

"Uh oh, your using my full name, am I in trouble now?" You can't help to continue with your cocky, I don't give a shit attitude never the less you had worried all of your team mates like you did.

"Right now I'm just glad that you're alive," Leah admits as she rewraps her arms around you and squeezes you gently. "But if you ever scare me like that again then we'll be having a very different conversation!" she tells you, sternly.

"Okay" You wince slightly as the tightness of the hug that the blonde was very reluctant to let go off you. "Seriously, Le. I'm fine now, why are you still crying so much?" You ask, confused.

"I'm crying because I... I thought I had really lost you this time" Leah speaks her thoughts aloud as she still holds onto you like you would disappear all over again. "When I found you, like the... like the way I did, I thought you was going to die" she adds in, quietly.

Your own amused smile starts to falter as you glance down at the bandages wrapped around your arm. "I'm sorry... I am really sorry for scaring you like that" You apologise quietly, starting to realise the seriousness of it all.

You must've had all of your team mates so worried and right now you were only acting like a total jackass about it.

"I was so scared" Leah replies as she pulls away from hugging you before she readjusts to move onto the bed beside you. "There was so much blood, Y/N/N. I... I thought when we arrived at the hospital, it would be too late and I'd be saying goodbye to you instead" she explains, swallowing the lump that formed in her throat.

Shit, why did I go and do that? I've made Leah almost have a nervous break down.

How could you be so selfish? You didn't deserve the love you recieved from your team mate.

"I bet the bathrooms' a right bloody mess now then" You can't help the comment that slips out of your mouth.

Once again, dark humour is a key to hiding the reality of pain.

Leah clicks her tongue at your comment, although she can tell exactly what you're doing now.

You had been doing it all this long so easily, it was just that nobody realised it.

"Why didn't you tell me that it was getting bad again?" The blondes' question is something that catches you off guard.

Guilt-striken to hear her words, you found sudden interest with the crisp white sheets currently covering you.

There was a lot of things that you could have said, but would she want to hear any of it?

Nobody can help me with the way I feel,

I'm so tired,

I wanted to relieve the pain, I wanted a way out.

All of the questions racing through your mind, you actually began to wonder if you had cut yourself that deep on purpose? Did your own selfishness overshadow any other feelings inside of you.

The battle with your inner demons was just too much sometimes, you was just so exhausted now.

So, why couldn't you have just been left to die instead?

"What's going on inside your head, Y/N/N?" Leah's next question brought you out of your dark thoughts. "Talk to me, you know that I'm here to listen" she states with a gentle tone of voice.

Although the next words that you speak are nothing that she can be prepared to hear.

"I think... I think I wanted to die, I wanted an out on life" Your voice quivers as you admit the truth to the blonde, finally.

"W... What?" Leah looks at you with a mixture of shock and hurt.

"I'm so tired, Le-- I'm just so fuckin' tired. I... I can't do this anymore" You express your feelings as you feel yourself tearing up.

It was as if Leah hadn't quite regestered the words you had said, or she had but she refused to believe that you actually did want to try and kill yourself.

"The girls all went to get coffee, um I think that all of the girls will be back soon though" The blonde tells you quietly as she wraps her free arm around you and gives you a small smile.

Denial, it was so easy to pretend there wasn't anything to read into with your most recent confession.

"Leah--"

"I bet they'll be happy to know that you're awake now" Leah cut you off as she continues to give you that weary smile, you weren't sure if she was now clutching onto you a bit tighter in fear of you pulling another stunt like you did.

"Leah, didn't you hear me? I said I wanted to die!" You shout loud enough for her to suck in a sharp breath.

"I heard you, Y/N/N-- I heard you, I saw you, I... I was there for it all. I was the one who found you in the bathroom; You was lay in a pool of your own blood while you were slipping in and out of unconciousness" Leah broke her game of where she didn't pretend you as she turned to face you, you had her whole attention now. "I sat there, pressing a god-damn towel against your cuts, praying that you would make it and you... you tell me that you want to die? You don't get to die. You can't, we need you-- Damn it Y/N, I need you! Y... You're my family! So you don't get to tell me you want to die!" she tells you, the shake in her voice so evident that she's close to tears again.

"What? You... You want to die?" Beth broke the tense silence as she has a distraught look on her face.

"Do you really mean that?" Lia questions as her eyes widen in shock.

Neither you or Leah realise that some of the older girls had made their way back to your room, when they arrived they were delighted with the realisation that you were now finally awake after the long 24 hours but that quickly turned into shock and hurt when they heard Leah's words so boldly, that even the patients down the hall probably would've heard.

"I do, I did... I don't know. I'm tired, I can't... I can't keep doing this anymore" You admit out loud for every single one of them to hear.

You hear the blonde beside you suck in another sharp breath as she keeps her arm firmly attached round your shoulder.

The confession is left hanging in the air, leaving a tense feeling and it was suddenly so quiet that in the room that you were certain that you would even be able to hear a pin drop.

Nobody utters a word, a state of shock written across each one of their faces.

"Sometimes sleep isn't enough when it's my soul that's tired" You tell them, leaving them all stood there grief-stricken with the realisation that you really had been struggling for longer than you wanted to admit.

[tan1shere]

Ellie x anxious reader !

A/n: hi my beautiful people, it's currently 3 am.. and I have work in a few hours but we won't talk about that 😍 got this little idea since I'm an overly anxious person. Mine always creeps up righttt when I'm about to sleep, if you're like me. I get you, and honestly I hope some of you are so I don't feel so alone. Or whether you get it any time of the day (ditto, I just get it worse at night.) This one's for you !! Anyways, enjoy :)

Masterlist

♤ Your anxiety came in all shapes, forms, and sizes. Any time, all day sometimes everyday. It's always going to be there, but you've tried to learn to control it. Buttt when that's not the case your loving girlfriend is always there to ease your pesky brain.

♤ It would always happen at night, when you'd get off to sleep, at first you kept silent. You didn't want to bother, nor be a nuisance towards Ellie, but one night she noticed something off about you.

- you were stalling, making up excuses of things you forgot to do that day.

"Shit, the laundry-"

"Bubba, you can always do it tomorrow. Come lay down with me sweetheart."

- her gentle tone soon got to you and you told her.

"What's gotten into you?"

- the look she gave you was pure worry, concerned for your frantic behavior. Then when you kept inhaling these breaths, making then end in slight sighs she just needed to get whatever it was out of you.

"M-my-"

- you shake your head, you felt so stupid, you begin to put your head on your hands, she pries them away so softly, getting you to look at her as she placed her soft fingers on your cheek.

"Talk to me. Please? It's hurting me knowing something is bothering you so much."

- you could tell she meant it. You always felt like no one did, feeling silly about your anxiety, as that's what others made you think. That you were just being dramatic. A baby. You let out another breath.

"I get really anxious, about heaps of things, to the point where my brain feels like its on fire and I can't focus on anything properly. It gets worse at night time, so I try to make myself tired, knowing that if I lay down wide awake my thoughts will scatter."

- she listens carefully to what you have to say, she was always such a good listener.

"Why didn't you tell me baby."

"I was scared you'd think I was pathetic.."

- your head lowers but she immediately stops that from happening. Her eyes on yours as she begins to speak in a soft tone.

"You, my girl. Are one of the most bravest woman I know. To have to deal with such a thing all the time is huge, and the fact that I've never even witnessed it shows how truly brave you are. Though I wish you told me sooner, its awful holding such things in."

- her hand never leaves your face stroking your cheek. You melt into her touch, her voice and presence making you sleepy. Maybe that's all you needed? Her?

"I love you, Els."

"I love you so much more angel."

♤ One technique she uses on you is the 5 things game. 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Which is always water that she gets for you.

- Youd just been having a panic attack, your emotions, your brain going mental. You felt like you couldn't breathe. When she heard something fall in the kitchen she came racing over to you. Your vision incredibly blury with a mixture of tears and whiteness from the light headedness.

"Hey hey, eyes on me."

- her voice was like silk, still in desperate need to calm you down.

"Come on baby."

- she would encourage you, moving your hand to her chest, trying to get you to calm down a tiny bit before she continued.

"5 things you can see."

- you'd take a second to respond not knowing if you could get words out, let alone forming a sentence.

"You.. *gulp* th- that glass.. that I just broke.."

- she didn't stop you rambling, the more words the better. She needed your mind far gone from any other thoughts.

"The counter, the sink. The early morning sky."

"Good good, 4 things you can feel. You got this mama."

- it'd keep going until you got to the last one, your brain was far from the original problem by then, but she needed you hydrated, knowing your mouth was also incredibly dry.

"Last but not least, one thing you can taste?"

- she grabs a fresh glass pouring water into it, giving it to you to drink. You take a good sip, letting it wet your mouth feeling so much more calm now.

"Water."

"That's my girl."

- she would always say that, making a smile spread across your face, you always felt so safe with her.

♤ Another one she will do on occasion is hold your hand gently, playing with your fingers and or rubbing small circles on your palm. Even when she holds your hand she will rub her thumb on the back of it. It distract you, calms you down. Especially if you're talking to someone, not only are you anxious but you're just genuinely awkward, so sometimes you freak out when talking to people. That's when she will grab it, letting you know she's there with you and there's nothing to worry about.

♤ yawning. You would always yawn when you felt short of breath, whenever you felt uneasy in your chest yawning seemed to help with that. Ellies noticed all your techniques over the years of being with you. Sometimes it made her feel like she couldn't help you in any way and it got to her, you'd assure her that you were fine but she knows that was far from the truth.

♤ so she studied your helping mechanisms, one was something hot on your chest, like a heating pack. It calmed you right down. Ellie even Googled some other things to try help. She once noticed after you had drunk a little bit that the type of alcohol seemed to make you sleepy.

- she was typing away at her computer when she came across something that said some alcohols can get you sleepy.

"Whatcha doin Els?"

- your soft voice was heard as you enter the room, her eyes meet yours.

"Just some research baby."

-she flashes you a smile, going to continue. You return the smile, going out the room to leave her be. As she continues to read articles, she found a home remedy to help with sleep, and anxiety. It was quite simple. Ellie came back downstairs and began to make it in a tiny bottle. She also read lavender was good for sleep, grabbing some oil of the scent from the cupboard, and putting a bit on the heating pack.

-you were in the living room, watching TV when she comes in super happy. Finally she could help you.

"What's this?"

"I made some things to help you sleep. These drops will help, put three on your tongue every night, and this heat pack. Which! Has some lavender oil rubbed into it."

- she ends her explanation off with a toothy smile, feeling so proud of herself. It only made you smile, feeling the secure feeling you'd always feel with her. She truly was your world.

:))

[littlespoonevan]

I watched the first three seasons of 911 back when that was all that had aired and just didn’t keep watching after the break between seasons for whatever reason. I also didn’t really get buddie, I just thought it was a beautiful friendship. I’m now on a rewatch and just got to the end of season 4 and boy am I all in, Buck’s reaction to Eddie getting shot and the aftermath really made me get it. Anyway, I was wondering if you have any fic recs for a buddie newbie? I’m probably gonna speed through the rest of the show in a few days and need something else to occupy me hahah

hey bud, welcome back to the world of 911!! 🥰 okay so i have some previous fic recs that i've posted here and i also have 489 bookmarks on ao3 which you can have a scroll through here (i only ever bookmark something for rereading or reccing purposes so can confirm i've read and loved them all)

but i'll do my best to make a somewhat cohesive list below of some of my personal faves. i have no doubt i'll probably leave some out accidentally but they'll definitely be in my bookmarks so 100% check those out too!! ❤️

The Nearness of You by allisonRW96 / @homerforsure

Eddie reassured himself that he could do this. Other teams coming in were probably going to be staying at the same hotel in the same double rooms and it was very possible that none of them were going to be having sex. Or even lying awake at night thinking about it. Or: Buck and Eddie go on a work trip.

Leave the Light On (I'll Be Coming Home) by HMSLusitania / @hmslusitania

“We’re here for our grandson,” Helena says. “Chris is still sleeping,” Buck says. “I meant, we’re here to take him back to Texas,” Helena clarifies. “Yeah,” Buck says. He’s too tired, way too tired to be tactful. “Over my dead body.” -- An accident on a call leaves Buck with custody of Chris after Eddie is... missing presumed. While they navigate their new family circumstances -- and fight to stay together, despite Eddie's parents' best efforts -- a John Doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named Christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home.

To Build a Home We Deconstruct Our Rituals by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels /@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

After the shooting, Eddie realizes he needs to put some things in place. Like who will get his assets if he dies. Who will speak for him if he ends up in a coma. What might happen if his family contests Buck's guardianship. Luckily, he's got a simple easy-peasy solution that won't result in insanity, catastrophe, or heartbreak: Marry Buck.

standing on the brink of emptiness by woodchoc_magnum / @woodchoc-magnum

In which Eddie is struggling in the aftermath of being shot, learning how to take care of himself and realising he's in love with Buck; and Buck is dating Taylor, taking care of Eddie and Christopher and trying to figure out why he's so goddamn confused about everything.

across our great divide (a glorious sunrise) by catchingpapermoons 

“We’re working on it,” Maddie explains, shooting Chimney a look. He nods seriously. “In couples therapy.” “Huh,” Eddie says, and then he thinks about it. "Do you think Buck and I would benefit from couples therapy?" — or, Eddie gets Buck to come to couples therapy with him.

darling, the future's better than yesterday by rarakiplin (gmontys)

Eddie, ten years younger, in this awful 2010, blinks up at him. He's still sitting slumped on the curb, and for a second Buck thinks he might tell him to fuck off, but then his eyes fall shut and there’s something — aching and painfully vulnerable in the bend of his mouth, the faint tension in his brow. “My…um, girlfriend, I guess. She’s pregnant.” “Holy shit,” Buck says. - or, buck deals with some wonky dimensional/time travel and then breaks up with his girlfriend. eddie, obviously, is involved.

i'm here (i’m yours for the taking) by farfromthstars / @buckactuallys

“Everyone!” Around forty heads turn, and Buck shifts on his feet uncomfortably at the attention. “This is my old friend Buck and his husband, Eddie.” “Uh,” Buck makes, turning to Eddie with wide eyes. Eddie's looking just as stunned. “Connor, I think you got–” He cuts himself off when Eddie wraps an arm around his waist. ~ at the winter wedding of an old friend, buck and eddie pretend to be married to each other. the plan has no weaknesses, obviously, not even mistletoe or anyone’s secret feelings… they call it the season of giving i'm here, i'm yours for the taking

Your Fingerprints Smeared on My Heart (Lead Me Back to You) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

In 1880, Evan Buckley of the arriviste set is sent out west to oversee his family's railroad and recover from a broken heart - and meets Eddie Diaz, cowboy. When fate tears them apart, they make a promise: find each other again. In 2018, Buck walks into his fire station in Los Angeles - and meets Eddie Diaz, new recruit.

no kingdom to come by waywardrenegades

Family, FaceTime, guilt trips, phone calls, church, heart healthy meals, and learning how to let yourself be happy. Whatever that looks like. or; when his father experiences a health scare, Eddie flies to El Paso.

when i was shipwrecked (i thought of you) by catchingpapermoons 

Buck walks toward Jee-Yun’s room, still talking, and Christopher trails after him, asking excited questions in response, and Eddie’s smile grows. He wants this forever. Everything, every part of it; Buck, Christopher, and him—that’s all he needs. And— Oh. Oh no. He shuts his eyes for a moment, inhaling sharply. He’s looking at Buck, and feeling something strictly not platonic at all. or: Eddie needs to learn how to let himself feel, and one step at a time, he learns how to do just that. (And he falls in love with Buck along the way.)

i don't swim and you're not in love by hattalove / @hattalove

She turns to Eddie and says something else, but Buck is busy fighting the headrush he gets at the sound of Ana Flores calling Eddie and Christopher 'the boys'. Like they belong to her already. God, what’s wrong with him? What is this? or, eddie cooks, chris domesticates a slug, and buck tries to figure out why he hates his best friend's girlfriend. to everyone's immense shock and surprise, it goes badly.

everything's coming up milhouse by hammersmiths / @bucktommys

LAFD Updates (@L*A*F*D_Metro) LAFD Alert: Red-level traffic on Gardiner Road this morning. If you are trying to get into the city centre consider taking Westerley Lane. buck 🔥🔥 (@firebuck) so true bestie or, Eddie mans the LAFD Twitter account. Buck tries to be supportive.

said i couldn't stay, but it's different now by hattalove

“I think,” he says, watching Karen pull Hen out onto the dance floor, their eyes never leaving each other’s, “I think I’m just—sad.” Maybe. That feels like a close enough word to describe this gaping maw right in the center of his chest. It’s only really there sometimes, taking little bites out of him, easy enough to ignore, but today is worse. “About being single at a wedding,” Eddie says, not a question. Buck shrugs. “Sounds stupid when you put it that way.” or, the one with the four weddings (feat. a drunk karen wilson, shania twain, a single cheerio, and some confessions over cubed fruit).

cause i'm tired of sleeping alone by rarakiplin (gmontys)

Buck goes on dates now. Not often, and never with the same girl twice in a row, but he goes on dates. And the thing is — the thing is, Eddie can’t be mad about that, because he goes on dates too. - or, five (ish) times eddie and buck go on dates with other people, and one time they go on a date with each other

so far from being free by allisonRW96

"That’s Daniel. He was our brother. Buck doesn’t know what to do with the past tense. He never had a brother. He’s always had a brother. He gained one and lost one in the same breath and it feels impossible. But even if Buck was capable of doubting Maddie, the truth of her confession is evident in the way it throws every facet of his childhood into sudden perfect clarity. That yawning, arctic absence. The unnamable fear. The impenetrable target of his parents’ approval that he was never, ever going to be able to hit. That they didn’t want him to hit. He has a brother. A dead brother who has haunted Buck’s steps for his entire life."

don't let the tide come and wash us away by writerforlife

Buck develops a relationship with the ocean, avoids talking about the day Eddie was shot, realizes he might be in love, and drives. Order may vary. (a fic for the "Buck is going to break all the way down in season 6" truthers)

dance, for all that we've been through by catchingpapermoons 

The Los Angeles Ballet’s 2022-2023 season ends with a bang with their fresh take on a ballet staple, Swan Lake. Artistic Director Bobby Nash is in his eighth season with the Los Angeles Ballet, and it has flourished under his direction. However, his associate, Eddie Diaz, is the one whose reimagining of the choreography has caught our attention... (or, Eddie Diaz moves to L.A. to restart his dance career, and ends up choreographing a show, finding a family, and falling in love. Not necessarily in that order.)

I'll Scrawl it on Every Wall I See by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

When Eddie joins the 118, he and Buck don't exactly hit it off on the right foot. Or continue to walk on the right foot. In fact they kind of can't stand each other. Good thing they each have a beloved anonymous pen pal to share their daily woes with, someone completely unlike their insufferable coworker. Or, in which Buck and Eddie love each other before they know each other, and know each other before they love each other. When Eddie joins the 118, he and Buck don't exactly hit it off on the right foot. Or continue to walk on the right foot. In fact they kind of can't stand each other. Good thing they each have a beloved anonymous pen pal to share their daily woes with, someone completely unlike their insufferable coworker. Or, in which Buck and Eddie love each other before they know each other, and know each other before they love each other.

never felt this way before (yes i swear) by withoutthetiger

It’s the summer of 2022, when Buck no longer wants to be called Evan, and it only occurs to his parents to mind. It’s after the pandemic – or so they say – and before whatever hell will befall the world next, when Buck can’t wait to join the LAFD in September, and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever meet someone as gently strong and fiercely protective as his big sister. It’s the summer he goes with his family to the One Eighteen Ranch & Lodge. *** A Dirty Dancing AU, set in Texas in 2022, featuring a whole lot of familiar faces in a not so familiar place.

Fragile lines (and wasted time) by Mellaithwen / @mellaithwen

“Hey Buck,” Christopher says a little shyly, before reaching out to grab Buck’s foot through the hospital blankets—shaking it in the same way he’s woken his father up on many a bleary-eyed morning. The familiarity of the gesture makes Eddie’s head spin. But of course, there’s no response from the comatose man on the bed. “I thought you said he was sleeping,” Chris mumbles, angrily swiping at his cheeks, and Eddie’s already broken heart shatters all over again for whatever hope his son had just lost when his expectations were so cruelly dashed. . While Buck sleeps, and dreams in the aftermath of the lightning strike, Eddie tries desperately to hold himself together.

Don't Take the Money by HMSLusitania

“You know, being stuck here isn’t actually the end of the world,” Chimney says, coming up to the table and picking up one of the smoke detectors. “It just feels like it, Buck. Trust me, I know.” “I’m pretty sure it might actually be the end of the world,” Buck says. “Considering this is the sixth time I’ve lived this day.” Chimney stares at him for a beat and then his eyebrows lift. “Wait, are you like – dude, are you in Groundhog Day?” OR The post-lawsuit time-loop AU literally no one asked for.

keep your eyes on the road by iriswests / @fcntasmas

Buck used to speed through yellow lights; now they’re his favorite part of the drive. -- or; a glimpse into buck and eddie’s developing relationship, told through ten moments stopped at a traffic light

Hot Ghost Problems by ebjameston

The ghost would prefer to go by Buck, if Eddie wouldn’t mind. +++ [Eddie is the newest firefighter at the 118. Buck is the ghost haunting the 118. Unfortunately for both of them, Eddie's also a witch and needs to put Buck's spirit to rest, because that's what witches do. Turns out, Buck's spirit? Super not interested in being put to rest. Very interested, however, in flirting with Firefighter Diaz, who is just trying to survive his candidate year. (Also turns out, Buck? Super not dead.)

as lucky as us by hammersmiths

One of the first things Ravi learned when joining the 118 was to, under no circumstances, think too hard about Buck and Eddie’s relationship. But brother, they could try make his job easier. “I mean, I get it,” Buck’s saying, overhead, and Ravi’s knee-deep in literal human crap and even he can smell that shit from a mile away. “You and Tommy have a lot in common.” or, Ravi continually suffers as a third-wheel.

[luvrxbunny]

I need something borderline illegal. Like dark and twisted. Like I want to question my moral compass but read on.

Am I asking for dad’s best friend!Joel? pshhhhhh. Am I asking for bratty! reader?? Pshhhhhh. Am I asking for anything???

Am I asking for smutty smut?! Yes I am.

Ofc if you are uncomfortable with any of these don’t hesitate to ignore this and also no pressure ily ❤️

a/n: reader isn't bratty, im sorry! i forgot :((

sleep

pairing: dbf!Joel Miller x f!virgin!reader

summary: Joel can’t stay away from you any longer.  

warnings: 18+ MDNI, alcohol, voyeurism/somnophilia + dub-con, dry humping, cum in pants

wc: 4.0k

a/n: i hope this is dark enough!! the only reason the ask is a ss instead of the actual thing is cus i formatted the whole story then realized i forgot to put it in the reply to the ask (loosely proofread)

It’s 2 am and Joel can’t stop thinking about you. How you’re sleeping soundly in his room, in his bed, in his shirt as pajamas because you had “forgotten to pack some”, something you both knew was a lie. He knows you’re toying with him, you started a bit before, but since you’ve turned 18? It's just been on rapid fire. 

He pulls out his phone and scrolls through your text thread, scoffing at every other conversation. It was so apparent, in every text, how badly you want him. 

Mon, Aug 16 at 4:41 AM

bbg: big man! text me when u wake up i have a joke

You: Why are you awake at this time?

bbg: wtf why are YOU awake 🤨 

You: I have trouble sleeping, you know that.

bbg: aww poor joey 😢

You: Are you going to answer my question, darling?

bbg: im doing skincare and stuff

You: You have to wake up this early for that stuff?

bbg: can’t put a price on feeling bonita 

You: Why are you speaking Spanish now?

bbg: nevermind lmao

bbg: so have u tried meditation

You: What?

bbg: for your sleeping troubles

You: I’m not that kind of guy.

bbg: what about getting off

You: Excuse me? 

bbg: like masturbation n stuff

You: I know what you’re saying.

You: I don’t understand why you’re talking about this with me.

bbg: we haven’t even talked about it 😭 

bbg: obviously we can end the convo if ur uncomfy but its a very good way to fall asleep

He remembers needing a pause after he read that text for the first time. It had only been four months since your birthday and you were already drastically different. Joel never expected it, he always thought your feelings had already reached their limit but it turns out you were holding back because you weren’t of age. Now that you are… He doesn’t know what he’s going to do. His morals may not be strong enough for the thought of  “ his best friend's daughter” to hold him back. He’s already rationalized himself out of the “daughter's best friend” thought. You’re not even going to school together anymore. Sarah lives on campus so you guys never see each other and you barely ever text. 

You: I have not.

bbg: what? literally how? 

bbg: you should

bbg: it totally works

You: That’s good to know. 

You: Get back to your skincare, honey. I’ll message you later. 

Mon, Aug 16 at 5:03 AM

bbg: joel? 

Mon, Aug 16 at 5:37 AM

bbg: are you masturbating? 

You: Sweetheart. You can’t ask me things like that. It’s not right.

bbg: u didnt answer! i got curious

You: Still.

bbg: i dont see the problem we’re both adults 🫢

You: Barely.

bbg: dont be mean

You: Do you need something

You: I said I’d text you later

bbg: wow no punctuation?

You: Busy

bbg: getting off? 

He remembers staring at your text, unbelieving that you’d send him something like that, so forward, so dirty. He remembers the thought that you were joking. Obviously, you don’t expect him to say yes, that’s why you asked in the first place. Maybe his perverted mind was interpreting your behavior as flirting but you’re just being yourself around him. All these thoughts were swirling in his head but the feeling of his hand flying over his cock, pretending it’s yours, that you're in his ear whispering to him... That thought was stronger, that feeling was stronger. 

You: Yes.

bbg: good. have fun, joey

He gets up for his fourth beer, hoping to drown the impure thoughts, starring you, that plague his mind. It’d be so easy to have you, you’ve been throwing yourself at him since you turned 17. He’s been ignoring it, adamantly. It wasn’t right, despite the age difference, the fact that you’re his daughter’s best friend and his best friend’s daughter. On top of that, you only just turned 18. 

You’ve been staying at Joel’s for a month. He takes the guest room because you say that his bed is better. You haven’t gone home because your dad is still working on your birthday present/room renovations and he doesn't want you to see it until it’s done. He offered up Joel’s house to keep you, knowing his best friend wouldn't mind, unknowing that his best friend was corrupt for his daughter. 

Joel was trying to ignore the way his body was heating up, still scrolling through the texts. He remembers that conversation perfectly. He remembers the adrenaline that was coursing through him as he confessed. He remembers how hard he came at your response. When thinking about this conversation he also remembers the guilt, it’s the most vivid emotion he remembers, usually. But the alcohol seems to be drowning that part out, and Joel scrolls on. 

He finds a patch of texts that he actively avoids, usually. It’s picture after picture of you in the most adorable outfits in the most suggestive positions. There are plenty of you lying on your back, some with your head turned to show off your perfectly curved, unmarked, un-bitten, neck. There are a few where you’re sitting down with the camera angled up, giving Joel too many situations his head can come up with. Then there’s the worst one, his favorite- he doesn’t even know how you took this one. You’re sitting on your knees, hands rested on your thighs and you’re looking up at the camera with a shy smile. 

There are two things about this photo that really fuck him up. 

First, your smile, the way it lets him know that you’re trying to fuck him up, you know what you’re doing with this pose, this positioning, you’re even embarrassed by it, a little nervous about it but you still felt the need to take the photo, for him. 

Second, the height, and the way the camera is positioned shows him that these photos were specifically crafted for him because the height the camera is at is exactly how he’d see you if you were on your knees like that for him. 

You made sure that he noticed because the very next day, you needed him to tie a bow in your hair and instead of waiting for him to get off the couch you placed yourself on the ground, between his legs, in this pose. He had to hide his erection until you left and then fight the urge to get himself off in your room for the rest of the night. 

He glances at his room door, you’re sleeping so soundly in there.

She wouldn’t even notice if someone went in there right now. She definitely wouldn’t notice me… Hell, as if she’d mind either way… I mean- Would she?

The alcohol clouds his thoughts, gives him bad ideas, and then convinces him that they’re good- this one being one of them. He grabs his almost-finished beer and heads to the fridge to grab a fifth one, knowing he’ll be in there for a while. 

He does this sometimes, you look so peaceful when you sleep… it’s the only time he can admire you without putting all his relationships at risk. He reaches the door and turns the knob slowly to avoid creaking. He enters the room, his socks padding his footsteps, and the darkness gives him no shadow. He moves one of your tops off of his desk chair and turns it to face your sleeping figure while placing his beers down. You’re already bringing a smile to his face. You’ve got your face shoved into one of his pillows, your arm tucked under it, and your leg is pulled up to your waist, sticking out from under his tan comforter. You’re wearing one of his hoodies for sleepwear—

Fuck.

and it doesn’t look like you have anything on your bottom half. It’s a little cold in his room so little goosebumps have bloomed over your exposed skin. He takes a swig of beer, finishing his fourth as he examines you. Your face twitches for a moment, your eyebrows furrow, and your nose twitches like a rabbit before calming back down. He opens the other beer and fills his mouth with it, hoping that the alcohol stops the fluttering in his stomach while he drinks it down. 

You shiver a bit but your leg doesn’t move, the goosebumps just become more prominent. His hand is reaching out for you before he can think, rubbing your calf gently to soothe and warm you up a bit. You let out a relieved sigh at his contact and your leg presses further into his warmth. He has to take a deep breath as his mind runs wild, convincing him that this is some sort of sign, that even in you’re sleep you’re trying to be closer to him, that he should just give in. 

No, she’s your best friend's daughter. Sure she’s her own person now, legally an adult, an’ can make decisions for herself… an’ yeah she’s not owned or controlled by anyone and just cause I’m friends with her father ain’t a fair reason to completely rule her out from being a potential partner… Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad… maybe it’s actually more fucked up for me to avoid her just cause of who birthed her. That’s totally not fair to her! I mean I know I wouldn't want anyone judging me based on who my parents are y’know? Maybe I should put myself in her shoes. 

His breathing speeds up as he breaks through his last piece of resistance. Now he’s just trying to figure out how soon he can have you. 

I’ll have to court her first, flirt with her a bit before asking her out to dinner, then maybe she’ll accept my offer to be my girlfriend by the third date… From there maybe she’ll have sex with me for the three-month anniversary… she might be a bit more timid than that but we’re looking at a four- five-month plan… That can work- I can definitely work with that.

You whine and stretch your body, your legs straighten and your arms spread out, you turn and rest one arm on top of your head before you lift your leg, bending it above your waist but with the other one this time. The new position leaves the blanket covering nothing but one of your inner thighs and to add insult to injury your raised arms lift his hoodie, revealing a beautiful sliver of your stomach. 

Or I could have her now.

The thought is too powerful to stop, his opportunity is too perfect, Ellie is out with whatever girl she’s currently entertaining, and Sarah doesn’t live here anymore. Your father would never be awake at this time and Joel is hard, wanting, and so so ready for you. He’s crawling into bed beside you after downing half his beer for the nerves. 

He shouldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t. 

He settles next to you and your leg presses into him again, searching for him and his warmth. You slowly turn to him as he stares at you, watching how sluggish your movements are in your sleep. You snuggle into the pillow in front of him and take a long inhale of its scent, a little smile resting on your lips while you breathe out. Your face is inches from his, and his hand is down his pants in an instant. 

The relief is heavenly, he’s been throbbing for you since he read those texts. He can’t help the way he reacts to you. He can smell your toothpaste on your breath as you gently snore in front of him. He wraps his warm hand around his cock and his soft lips part into an ‘O’. His eyes roll back for a second but he immediately focuses them back on you. He’s tugging at himself violently, not even thinking about savoring this moment, just needing to cum for you. He’s trying to hold in his sounds but you look so pretty, just seeing your face while he’s touching himself makes everything better, somehow you’ve turned his sensitivity as high as it can go.

Little whines and whimpers slip into your dream state. You’re confused by the sound, the rustling that coming from—? In front of you? Your brows furrow as you try to open your eyes. “Fuck” You hear someone say. It sounds like… 

You open your eyes just in time to see Joel yank his hand out of his sweatpants and scramble as far as he can get from you before falling off the bed. You’re still confused as you take his form in. His shirt has ridden up a bit, exposing the salt and pepper hairs on his tummy. His hair is sticking all over the place, he stinks of beer, and his eyes are wide, focused on you. “Joey?”

Despite the horrid situation he’s in, his cock is still leaking for you, pulsing at the nickname. He can’t answer, he has to bite back a moan as he feels himself leak into the fabric of his pants. “Joel? What—” Your eyes flutter, almost falling shut but you shake yourself out of it and— Fuck.

You move closer to him. 

You’re too snuggly when you’re sleeping, too cute, and too dumb. You’re not even questioning why your father’s best friend was in bed with you while you were sleeping. You don't want to risk him leaving and you don’t mind in the first place, you actually thought you were dreaming at first. Your heart almost stopped when your fingers actually latched onto his shirt after reaching out for him. He’s stiff as a board, deterring your touch so you pull your hands into your chest and bury your face in his. 

Joel is almost shaking in exertion as you press your soft little body against his. It’s just your upper half, leaning into him and finding wam solace in his chest. He can handle this, he thinks. He can calm down, and be with you like this. He’s supposed to court you first anyway, he can’t believe himself. Was he really going to just get off with you in the same bed? What kind of pervert would even try something like that?

You hike your leg up over his waist, half asleep, not realizing your motions. 

All his perverted feelings return with a vengeance. 

You wiggle around a bit, trying to get comfortable but his cock twitches, flicking into your soft lips for a moment. At first, you really didn’t know what it was, all you knew was that the sensation felt good. So of course you chased it. Your hips grind into his cock arrhythmically, trying to find that same angle again, not realizing that you’re basically fucking him through your clothes. His hands have to come to your hips, gripping painfully for your eyes to snap open and your hips to freeze. 

Your eyes widen further when you finally process the situation, and even in all your teasing and sensuality, at the end of the day, you’re still just a virgin. You never had any real intention of acting on your desires, especially if Joel wasn’t the one initiating. 

Oh fuck. What did I do? What do I do? He’s just staring at me… Maybe he didn’t notice, I didn’t! But it felt so good. Will he let me? Maybe if I—

Your hips tilt into his before you can process whether this is actually a good idea or not. His hand tense over yours, like another shock of clarity through your bones. You shut your eyes tight, not wanting to see the disgust or uncomfortable pity in his face. “I’m so sorry, Joel. I didn’t… I-”

You try not to let tears well in your eyes as you whimper and pull back from him. But he doesn’t let you. His arms tense, his muscles flexing as he keeps your body pressed against his. You open your eyes, a bit shocked at his refusal to let you go but still too scared to meet his eyes. Your gaze is on his stomach, the way his gray shirt rode up, exposing the way his belly keeps tensing with every breath. “I-” He manages to get out before letting out a shuddering sigh. You finally look at him. 

His eyebrows are pulled taut in between his eyes, his gaze is something you’ve never seen before, and he almost looks angry. It’s desperate, but sorrowful, with the added haze from his intoxication. He keeps biting at his bottom lip, worrying it red as he tries to form a sentence for you. His hands tense over your hips again but this time they tilt you into him again. His face is a hard grimace as he slowly presses you into his raging bulge. You watch him fight with his expression, it keeps breaking into something weak before he goes back to his angry pout. You can’t help the way you press into him, you want to feel it again, that fire in the pit of your stomach that spreads to your soaking pussy the more he pulls you in. You watch his face contort into something heavenly. His brows pull up, almost shocked at how good you feel as his eyes roll back and shut. His entire body shakes as he melts into the pillow. He’s breathing deep and slowly, trying to regulate the pleasure he feels. 

Now he’s focused on savoring the moment. He wants this to last as long as it possibly can. You’re making him feel incredible,  he’s so sensitive, it’s like he’s been edging himself for you. You whimper, high-pitched and muffled but it’s so beautiful that he forces his eyes open. You have one hand gripping the bedsheet like it’s your lifeline and you have the other bitten between your teeth to hold your sounds in. Your hips are grinding into him at an uneven, unsteady, desperate pace and he’s mesmerized by the sight.

He knew you wanted him. He didn’t know you needed him. You’re fucking yourself against his cock like you’ve been waiting for it your whole life. Your hand comes up to grip his shoulder instead of the bedsheet. He grunts and tilts his hips further into yours, a sadistic smirk coming to his face at the sound of exclamation that shoots from your mouth once you’re able to grind your clit against his shaft. Your thrusts start to stutter at that, your body constantly wanting to fold in on itself from the assault of pleasure but you try and will yourself to keep going. 

Unfortunately, your pace is ruined by your pleasure. Your sensitive body can’t handle how good his clothed cock is making you feel. You lose your pace and your pleasure becomes rocky and teasing. He watches as your face changes from pleasured to pouty. Little whimpers and whines of frustration slip from your lips, growing in volume and frequency the longer you’re unable to grind against him properly. Joel’s watching you through hooded eyes, fingers digging into your hips painfully at this point and all he wants is to not cum yet. He wants to make you cum first, he needs it, he needs to see it, to hear it. 

He’s been telling himself it’s fine because you’re grinding against him, not the other way around. You’re choosing this, there’s no way he’s manipulating you, or swaying your decision if he stays completely indifferent. But you’re begging him now. You’re gripping desperately at his shirt, removing your hand from your mouth to grip him harder and pulling yourself closer, wrapping your arms around and moaning right against his chest. He shouldn’t. He can’t. But he does.

His eyes shut tight as his hands leave your hips. You almost climb on top of him in protest, whining a loud “N- Please.” into his chest as your leg hikes higher onto his waist. One of his hands cradles your head, pulling you further into his chest, muffling the moans you’re already letting out at his touch. His other hand goes to the small of your back, pressing you against him perfectly and guiding your rhythm as your hips start up again. He dares to speak. “S’this okay, baby?”

Your reaction to his voice is visceral. Your hands shoot up to his shoulder and hair, pulling yourself up a bit to bury in his neck, getting a new angle from his cock, now fucking him against your leaking hole. “So good, Joey. Thank- Thank you s’much. Thank you, thank you.” Your gratitude is like a searing knife through him. His entire body is set alight as he tries to regulate his breathing. He can feel goosebumps break out on his skin, his pleasure filling every molecule in his body, ready to overflow for you. Fuck. He’s definitely going to cum before you. 

“Mm. Good, good girl. Just- Keep going, sweetness, take what— Shit. Take what you need, darlin’.” His breathing quickens and shudders as your hips increase their pace against him. He’s leaking continuously now, he’s getting in his head, trying to stop himself from cumming but every thought that pops into his mind just brings him closer to the edge. He can’t focus on anything but you. You’re moaning for him, grinding against him, this desperate for him. 

The hand on your lower back migrates to the back of your neck, gripping you there, holding you in place as his hips begin to thrust into yours. “M’gonna cum, darlin’. Fuck, I wanted t- wanted to last for y- Mmm oh fuck.” His entire body starts to tremble as your nails dig into him so painfully he’s sure they drew blood. Your eyes are comically wide as your body tenses in his hold before breaking down into a shudder that overtakes your entire being. You’re cumming. 

He explodes at the realization. In all his desperation, intoxication, and pure need… He was still able to make you cum first. He buries his face in your hair, huffing the scent as he floods his sweatpants. His eyes shut as tightly as they can as his orgasm tears through him. He’s been waiting so long for you to make him cum and now that it’s happening, it feels even better than he planned for. His low grunts turn into shocked moans when his orgasm doesn’t stop after shooting two ropes of cum against his sweats. You’re already coming down as he hits what feels like his second peak. You can feel his hands shaking over where they’re gripping you and you get an impulse that you act on without a second thought. 

Your hand slides down from his shoulder quickly, over the sliver of stomach he’s showing off, and right down his pants. You don’t know what you’re doing so you just grip him, wrapping your hand around his shaft but it seems to do the trick. He lets out a sound that resembles someone getting kicked in the gut. His face is pulled from your hair as his head is thrown back. He arches into you a bit before his hips start thrusting into your fist, desperately prolonging his already overwhelming orgasm. It’s embarrassing; how long he was cumming for, the way his body was violently quivering for you, the ludicrously large dark spot spreading over his pants, showcasing how much he came for you. 

He moans gently when he comes to. You’re stroking over his chest with a soft, sleepy, nervous smile. He pulls you in for a kiss before he can think about it. You guys haven’t discussed anything. Neither of you knows what this means for your relationship but you know that neither of you has felt more comfortable than when you’re in the arms of the other. So why question it now? 

You fall into a deep sleep listening to Joel’s heavy snores, getting rocked to bed by the way his chest expands. It’s the best sleep of your life. 

thank you so much for reading!! please please please give any feedback you may have! I want it all! also if you liked it please take a look at my masterlist!

psst psst. hey you!! i have a part 2 if u want 😏

[s0ulsniper]

albert aretz x gn!reader

warnings: just pure fluff

ask: "Heyooo!! I'm just gonna request an Albert imagine, basically, after hehe gets done recording a video (at like 3 in the morning...) gn! Reader is sleeping and he lays down on their chest and reader wakes up like 2 hours later and sees him and it's all cute and stuff (you can add whatever you want at the end) And I love your writing btw it makes my day ‼️"

synopsis: albert finishes editing, and as exhausted as he is, he falls asleep on top of you.

pairings: albert aretz (flamingo) x gn!reader

a/n: hey hey anon! thanks for such a description, it rlly made it so much easier. also, thanks so much for the kind words it means a lot to me and I hope you have a great weekend !! hope u like it. :)

the late night hadn't gotten to albert the way it had gotten to you, he knew once you sent him a text 4 hours before that you were out like a light in your usual sprawled out from that took across majority of the bed. he loved you for it, yet sometimes he wished he had room.

he was almost finished recording a new horror game that his fans had been beginning for him to play. he understood why while he made it. not only was it a long story game, but it's probably one of the scariest he has seen on the platform.

not enough to scare him though, right?

he clicked out of his Roblox tab and powered off his computer once he stopped the recording, yawning with his arms outstretched.

he had been waiting on this moment for the entire night, finally getting to fall asleep with you even if you didn't notice until the morning. he loved having you with him despite majority of his time going towards creating content and interacting with his fanbase and friends.

he loved how you understood.

his door creaks open once he shuts off the lights, feeling the hours of sitting in his lower back. he knew this nights sleep would last until mid afternoon, potentially more.

his office door closes with a low click. he could see the nightlights poking from under the door, he knew you loved the type of lighting from the lampposts. he had never seen someone fall asleep so quickly.

he opens the door to your bedroom after washing himself up, prepping for the night. his tired eyes fall into your form.

words couldn't describe how beautiful he thought you are, especially now with the blankets barley wrapped over you, and your hair messy from tossing and turning.

he feels his lips tug upwards as he walks quietly towards the bed, prompting himself to collapse as gently as he could on top of you.

the best pillow in the world, he wouldn't choose anything else.

his light smile remained on his face as he drifted off into his comforting sleep, his arm draped over your waist and his head gently tucked under yours.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

your body forces you awake at around 5:00 am, cold from the lack of blanket covering your body.

as you snap back into reality you feel the blanket at your feet, reaching down to grab for it. in the midst of it, you're stopped.

there was a heavy weight on your chest, which was weird considering your cat was sleeping peacefully on your side.

you look down as much as you can and feel Albert's hair poking at your neck, him sprawled out on top of you looking as comfortable and as adorable as ever.

you use whatever strength in you not to burst into laughter at the sight and instead settle on pulling the warm cover onto of you.

albert shifts, and you feel his arm around your waist tighten, a sigh of content leaving his body.

you run your fingers through his hair, who cares about not being able to feel your arm? worth it.

you fall back into your dream filled sleep of whatever you were as before.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

🏷️: @batluvr666 @yeehawbrothers @dogdevourer @ilovelyyoungie

[cressidagrey]

I breathe flames each time I talk - Chapter 4

Summary:

The story of how Oriana Fireborn Belmont finally meets her mate's family.

Also the story of how Rhysand, The High Lord of the Night Court, finally recognises that by the cauldron, there is no fury like a female scorned.

Azriel would just like everybody to get along.

Warnings:

Rhys Bashing, Serious Injury

Notes:

I put a lot of world building into this. If you don't recognise it from canon, I probably invented. Or I forgot that canon existed.

(thanks to @firefly-graphics for the super pretty dividers!)

Apparently, her brothers' night spent with too much Fireale and their resulting tale of Oriana just suddenly appearing before them, had resulted in Titania screaming at the hungover trio from the top of her lungs for getting drunk enough to hallucinate.

Enya had just let their sister scream at their brothers because hearing Titania screech had apparently been much more amusing than trying to clear up the resulting confusion. 

“You are favouring your right side. What happened?” Enya demanded, after Oriana and Azriel’s shadows had once again kidnapped her and Oriana sighed. It was pure wishful thinking that she could get away with hiding it. 

“It’s a long story,” she started but held still as Enya’s magic wafted over her. Checking on her.  

“You have two cracked ribs, Oriana,” her sister said tightly, glaring at her. Right. That explained why it hurt.  

“Azriel’s brother was so worried about him that he shattered my fucking wards…” she started to explain. 

“And he shattered your ribs too?” Enya snapped. 

“You said they were cracked,” Oriana quipped and Enya just glared at her, though reached into her back to give her balm of something that she knew was going to at least soothe the ache. It would take a few days to completely disappear but the sharp pain she had with every breath would disappear. 

“The next time, you shatter something of him,” Enya told her commandingly. 

“I put his hair on fire, does that count?” she asked, unscrewing the jaw and untrucking the shirt she wore from her skirt to put the salve on her skin.  

“Yes, it does,” Enya harrumphed, still not seeming particularly about it. Still, Oriana could deal with that. 

Once her ribs stopped hurting that badly, she watched as her sister checked on Azriel. 

Her brows furrowed and Oriana’s heart picked up, not liking at all what Enya wasn’t saying. 

“He’s healing,” Enya finally said. “But you have a choice to make.”

“What kind of choice?” Oriana asked carefully, preparing herself for the bad news. 

“nothing bad,” Enya promised her. “I can keep him out for a while longer. But his magic is surging.”

That didn’t sound good.

“What does that mean?” Oriana asked quietly, staring at Azriel’s prone form. What was he doing?”

“For him?  He’s searching. He wants to wake up. He’s a warrior?” Enya asked her and she just nodded.  “He’s searching for a threat. Probably to you. He’s fighting against the magic I am using to keep him down and I am  not certain that he won’t succeed.”

“And if you don’t let him wake up carefully, he could force himself awake,” Oriana ended quietly.  Enya nodded. 

“That would be… extremely disconcerting to him. But if I lift it now…he’s nowhere ready to be on his feet. You’ll need to do your best to keep him off his feet and in bed for at least three days.”

Right. 

“He’ll be on pain potions?” she checked and Enya nodded. 

“They won’t be enough to knock him out,” she warned Oriana. 

She just nodded. 

“Do it.”

“I’ll lift it, but you should probably get out of his range,” Enya warned her.

So that if Azriel came up swinging, she wasn’t caught in the crossfire.”

“You go out of his range,” she said quietly. “I am his mate.” 

She was going to stay right there, touching the green dome and waiting to reach out for him. She was going to be right there when he woke up.  

“What if he hurts you?” Enya asked,  for the first time concentrating on Azriel’s scarred hands that rested on his chest.

Oriana wondered what her sister was thinking, what she didn’t say. 

“He won’t hurt me,” she promised Enya quietly. He wouldn’t. But she wasn’t willing to even take that risk because she knew that Azriel would never forgive himself for it if it indeed happened. 

“You don’t know if he is gonna be in his right mind, Oriana,” Enya said sharply.

“I know. But he won’t hurt me. I’ll use his shadows,” she promised her sister, Enya’s eyebrows moving into her hairline.

“You’ll use his shadows?” she repeated, sounding more amused by anything. 

Oriana just shrugged. “If he comes up swinging, can you hold him down?” she asked the shadows quietly. “Only then. Only if…he tries to hurt me. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he did…”

She could feel them tighten in response, then flow out from the shadows underneath the bed, gathering in her skirts, waiting. 

She nodded to Enya. The doe went down with a shimmering of magic. 

Oriana reached out, touching his face. “Azriel,” she said softly. “Azriel, listen to me.” Suddenly movement was back in him, a soft groan leaving his chapped lips. “It’s me, Sweetling. You’ll be alright,” she promised him, a litany of soft words leaving her lips as she finally watched hazel eyes slide open. She blinked back the tears that wanted to roll down her cheeks at that.  

And then she was incredibly grateful for her requests to his shadows because he indeed came up swinging up, even as she cupped his face in her hands. 

“Azriel. It’s Oriana. You are safe,” she told him calmly. 

His eyes seemed to calm, his body still heaving against his shadows.

“Oriana,” he said her name like he wasn’t quite sure if it was right, if it was her name if he remembered her, but then his gaze seemed to clear. “What…what happened?” he whispered hoarsely. 

“If I have your shadows let go, are you going to stop fighting?” she asked softly, not for one moment thinking that leaving him restrained was a good idea. Not like this. 

He nodded. 

The shadows immediately let go as he sank back down onto the bed. 

“What happened?” he asked her, and she reached for a glass of water, holding it against his lips. 

“You were really stupid,” she said lightly. “Your little decision of coming straight home to me resulted in a lot of inner bleeding.” 

She let the words stand in the room for just a minute, before she could hear Enya shift and Azriel’s gaze snapped to her, eyes immediately trying to assess the threat. 

“That’s just Enya,” Oriana explained quietly. “My sister. I told you about her. She’s a healer. You needed a healer. She was the first one I thought of.”

Azriel still stared at her, but Enya seemed to ignore that. 

“Nice to meet you. Though I wish it was under very different circumstances.  You’ll be fine,” she told Azriel drily.

He blinked twice. 

“Thank you,” he finally forced out, voice still hoarse.

“Maybe you’ll keep a scar but I have a salve for that,” Enya continued. “Oriana knows everything that you are and aren’t allowed to do that. Listen to her. She saved your life.” 

“You saved his life,” Oriana disagreed. Her sister just rolled her eyes. 

“Think one of your shadows can get me home?” she asked. “If I stay any longer, Titania is probably going to wonder where I disappeared to.”

“Just tell her the truth, she won’t believe a word,” Oriana advised sagely, making Enya snort as a wisp of shadow came to whisk her sister away. 

“Thank you,” she said quietly before Enya disappeared. 

Azriel weakly stared at where her sister had just disappeared into a cloud of shadows. 

“We’ve used your shadows as a sort of transportation system the last two days,” she said quietly. “I would apologise but you nearly died on me because you were being utterly unreasonable, so now you need to deal with it,” she continued. Azriel seemed to pull himself out of whatever he had been thinking, a hand reaching out for hers. 

She cradled it in his, holding it against her face, pressing a kiss to the palm of it. 

“I love you,” she whispered. “I am never going to be alright with losing you. I know that what happened wasn’t your fault that your job is dangerous and that you can’t do anything against it,” she explained quickly as she saw him open his mouth to disagree with her. “But I love you. And I need you to come home to me. After you had a healer look you over,” she said pointedly. “I am not going through this again.” 

She was not. 

And as she watched him lay in their bed, awake and talking…it was…suddenly the last few days crashed into her and she couldn’t help the tears that started to roll over her cheeks. This was…Azriel was everything she hadn’t even known she had wanted or needed. And she wasn’t willing to part with him. Not now. Not never. 

“I’m…sorry,” he apologised to her, his voice halting, one hand clumsily turning to cup her cheek. “Don’t want to make you cry.” 

No, of course, he didn’t. She turned into his touch unable not to, unable not to enjoy every damn moment of it that she could get away with it. 

She loved him so much, the bond between them no longer as unnaturally still as it had been before. It was there now, alive and well in her chest, thrumming with her love and his. 

“Then don’t be an idiot,” she whispered, making him groan with a laugh that then turned into a jaw-cracking yawn. 

She could feel his exhaustion. He would be tired, and Enya warned her of that. It would take a few hours until the magic would be out of his system and he would feel better. 

And then it would be time for potions and draughts and all of that. But that was a worry for a few hours.

“Go to sleep,” Oriana said quietly, fussing with the blankets, as he shifted, turning to his side, his wings behind him, fluttering. 

He hummed his agreement and she knew that he still must be utterly exhausted to agree this easily. Still, Oriana pressed a kiss to his forehead and she could feel him relax against her. “Stay. Please,” Azriel requested, eyes slipping closed, breathing evening out already. 

“Of course,” she agreed softly, reaching out to run her fingers through his hair. “I’ll stay. For however long you want me to. I’ll stay ,” she promised him. 

And she did. 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

He didn’t remember much of the night. Or from actually waking up. Oriana was there in his memories, fighting to stay with her, fighting to stay awake so that he could protect her because he didn’t know what happened and he had needed to…

He remembered that desperation easily. 

The rest…it was a bit of a mess. 

When he woke up the next morning, his mind had cleared. He remembered the mission in the Winter Court and he remembered coming home and the sudden nausea during the night. The rest was mostly gone, though he did remember Enya. 

He finally had a face to the stories of Oriana’s sister. 

Though he would have preferred to meet her while not half out of his mind. And the fact that Oriana had commanded the shadows while he had been unconscious…that was something he needed to think about. 

Oriana was fussing at him the next morning, fluffing pillows and making him breakfast and he let her do that only because he was too tired to protest. And maybe there was a part of him that…enjoyed her attention. Enjoyed the way she ran her hands through his hair and made him porridge with blueberries, his favourite… enjoyed every instance of Sweetling from her. 

“I am fine,” he tried to insist, but she wasn’t having that. 

“You aren’t,” she told him drily. “That word is now banned.”

He couldn’t help but snort and immediately regretted it because his stomach was still killing him. “You can’t do that,” he protested. 

“Watch me,” Oriana gave back haughtily. She cleaned up the tray his breakfast had been on and stood up. The movement wasn’t as smooth as it normally was, nearly jerkingly. Like she expected a pain to appear, to stab her in the left side. 

“Why are you favouring your right side?” he asked her, worry immediately flooding his mind. She pushed back with it with no small amount of love. 

“Everything is alright. Enya already checked me out,” she assured him. “I cracked two ribs.” 

What? When? “When?” he asked her. “How?” 

“While you were sleeping, Sleeping Beauty,” she teased him, disappearing out of the room to bring the tray into the kitchen and he waited impatiently until she returned. 

“How?” he demanded as she came back. Her lips pursing, clearly thinking through something and she sat down at the edge of the bed, close to him again. 

“Right,” she said carefully. “Regardless of how angry you get, you are going to stay in this bed,” she warned him.

He glowered at her, but Oriana just raised one fine eyebrow at him, clearly waiting until he agreed.  Finally, he succumbed, giving a jerky nod. 

“I should probably have told you before, but I wanted to wait until you were more in your mind again. It’s nothing bad,” she assured him as she caught his glance. “Or at least I hope you don’t think it’s anything bad.”

There was no small amount of…hesitation in her words at that. She was speaking in riddles and he had no idea what this was about.

“Your brother showed up,” Oriana finally said quietly. 

“My brother,” he repeated flatly. Cassian or Rhys. Which one? 

“Cassian,” Oriana answered the unspoken question. 

Cassian. Cassian knew the house. Cassian probably had been worried and that’s why he had shown up. Still. 

“What exactly does Cassian have to do with you cracking two of your ribs?” he demanded. 

“Well,” Oriana started. “First he crashed through my warding net, which by the way, was very rude. And then he maybe tackled me to the floor and held a knife to my throat?” she offered, pulling a grimace and Azriel closed his eyes for a moment. 

“I am fine, I swear!” Oriana assured him. 

Cassian. Cassian had forced himself through Oriana’s ward and then thrown her to the fucking floor and held a cauldron-forsaken knife to her throat ?

“He held a knife to your throat,” he forced out, every word clipped. He stared at her throat, unblemished skin. At least he hadn’t actually cut into her skin. 

“Well, I melted that,” Oriana assured him. “And my warding net burned off half his hair so I think we are even. Even with the two cracked ribs.”

Yeah, he definitely disagreed with that. 

“Let me see,” he insisted instead. Oriana sighed. 

“Azriel.”

“Let me see,” he repeated. 

She gave in. Only now he realised that she wasn’t wearing one of her usual dresses but a skirt and a shirtwaist, probably because she was unable to actually lift her arms enough to put on a dress, thanks to her cracked ribs. 

She opened the buttons at the side of her skirt that kept it closed and then pulled up the shirt she wore, baring her ribcage to her. Her skin was so dark that bruises were pretty much invisible on it to him, but he still reached out and felt along her ribcage, until she hissed at his prodding. He repeated the motion, feeling her warm skin under his touch and the way where it was swollen and hot to the touch. 

“See, it’s nothing bad,” Oriana assured him. 

Nothing bad? 

“I am going to rip his fucking throat out,” he hissed, pulling her shirt back down and closing the buttons himself. He was. He was going to fucking kill Cassian for this!

“You are not. He’s your brother,” Oriana disagreed and he snapped. 

“He could have killed you!” He could have. So bloody easily. Regardless of how magical Oriana was, she wasn’t the General of the Night Courts Army. She hadn’t spent 500 years fighting for his bloody life the way Cassian did for a living. 

“But he didn’t,” Oriana hurried to assure him. “He didn’t, Sweetling,” she cooed, but even that just made him huff in frustration. “You aren’t supposed to leave the bed for three days. Healer’s order,” she told him drily, as he shifted. “And I know you want to disagree with me, but don’t. I’ll have your shadows tie you up if need be. Don’t even think about it,” she warned him. 

Cauldron boils him. 

“But…” he started to protest but Oriana cut him off. 

“You’ll behave, and I’ll give you a treat once you are done,” she said easily, a grin on her face and he could just stare at her. What? 

Where did that come from suddenly? She was pushing so much love and affection at him that he could feel himself wilt together like some kind of weed. 

”What kind of treat?” he asked her, curious beside himself. 

“Well, what do you want?” Oriana asked with a grin, that was definitely on the side of salacious.

He definitely realised what she was doing but he couldn’t stop himself.

“I…” he stuttered, unsure of what exactly she wanted him to say. 

“How about what I have wanted for weeks, but you never let me return the favour. How about that, Azriel?” Oriana said lightly as she stood up and he couldn’t help but swallow as he knew exactly what she was suggesting. 

“I…” He just about managed a nod.

“Good. Go to sleep, sweetling,” she cooed. “I’ll let Cassian know you are awake. He’ll probably want to come over. And don’t even think about killing him.” 

He did go to sleep again, though he woke up as soon as he heard Cassian at the front door, his brother’s booming voice saying hello to Oriana and he forced himself into a sitting position as Oriana led him into the bedroom. 

“Azriel.” There was relief on his brother’s face but Azriel was too fucking angry to even think about that. 

“Don’t even think about it,” Oriana snapped as he swung his legs over the edge of his bed, the shadows poised to keep him down if he even bothered to try. 

Still, he did. Let nobody ever tell anybody that Azriel wasn’t the most stubborn idiot on this side of the Sidra 

“You broke two of her ribs. I am going to kick your ass,” he huffed out, trying to stand, as the shadows finally bore down onto him, pressing him back down. 

“What?” Cassian asked, sounding incredulous and shocked at the same time. “I did?” he asked, looking to Oriana, who had crossed her arms, staring at the shadows as he still struggled against their gentle grip. 

“You did,” she agreed. “It’s fine. Azriel is just being…”

“Azriel is fucking furious,” he snapped, finally giving up the shadows not even bothering to let go of him. “And it’s not fine!”

“It’s not,” Cassian agreed. “I am sorry. That wasn’t my intention,” he told Oriana, actually sounding remorseful. 

“I know. You thought I was keeping Azriel hostage,” she said drily. “Sweetling, go back to bed,” she told him drily, another look to his shadows that started fluffing his pillows in response.

“Do they listen to you?” Casisan asked, sounding incredisouly. 

“They like her better than they like me,” Azriel growled in response, letting the shadows tug him back into bad like a wayward child.

“It’s because I am nicer,” Oriana quipped. “Sweetling, if you even think about leaving this bed again, I’ll know and my revenge will be swift,” she warned him. “I’ll leave you two to it,” she said. “I’ll be making dinner.” 

And off Oriana went. Azriel half expected to be teased for the term of endearment but Cassian said nothing. 

He huffed at the shadows and pulled the blankets back up to his chin, even when he pushed them down again, and Cassian shook his head in amusement, picking up the armchair they kept in one corner and playing it next to the bed, so that he could sit down properly. 

“You heard her. You stay lying down,” Cassian said as he sat down and Azriel shifted again. He just glared at his brother. 

“I am really sorry for breaking her ribs,” Cassian apologised again and he sighed, letting go of some of the anger he was having about it. It was…well, it wasn’t fine. It wasn’t.

“I know,” he responded quietly. He did know that. 

“And for holding a knife to her throat,” Cassian continued. 

“I know,”  he repeated. “Seems like she got you though,” he said with a look at Cassian’s short shorn hair. Cassian’s fave took on a grievous expression. 

“That and melted my favourite knife straight out of my hand,” he admitted to Azriel, sounding like he was taking the loss hard and Azriel couldn’t help but grin. 

“If you ask nicely, maybe she’ll make you a new one,” he suggested. It would be better than any other knife that Cassian had, that much was for certain. 

“She made Nesta’s hairpins, didn’t she?” Cassian asked, suddenly seemingly making the connection. 

“Yes.”

“You took me to her shop!” Cassian said incredulously. “For the hair comb!”

“I did,” he agreed with a soft smile. He had done that. 

“You are horrible at keeping secrets,” Cassian told him drily.

It was a stab in his chest. After…After they officially bonded…keeping Oriana a secret hadn’t been high on his list of priorities anymore. At least not from Cassian. Keeping her a secret from Casisan had only ever been on his mind because he had wanted to keep her from Rhys. 

“She was never a secret from you,” he finally said quietly. 

Cassian just looked at him for a moment. 

“Just from Rhys,” his brother said evenly and his head snapped up. “We had a bit of a throwdown,” Cassian answered the unspoken question. 

“Cassian,” he said with a sigh. “It’s not his fault that this happened. Yes, I told him that it probably was a bad idea but…”

“This? You think we had a throwdown about the stupid mission in Winter?” Cassian asked him, sounding incredulous. 

“About what else?” Azriel wondered. About what else could Casisan and Rhys fight? 

“About what happened at Solstice three years ago,” Cassian corrected him. “We had a throwdown about that.”

Oh. 

“Nothing happened,” Azriel said tightly. He didn’t want to talk about this. he didn’t want to…

“Don’t lie to me. Don’t protect him, ” Cassian snapped. “Tell me why you never said anything,” Cassian demanded. 

Azriel didn’t want to have this discussion, but clearly, Cassian wasn’t going to give in when the expression on his face was anything to go by. 

“Tell me why you never said anything,” Cassian repeated, his voice harsh. “Rhysand admitted to it, you know. That he ordered you not to pursue Elain. That he ordered you to leave her alone. He said that you should go to a pleasure hall and pay for sex if you wanted it. All of it. ”

Azriel remembered. All of it. He remembered all of it. 

“And you just…You just took it,” Cassian said quietly. “Why?”

“He’s the High Lord,” Azriel said quietly. It wasn’t the whole truth. Not really. There was more, like how…how he hadn’t thought that he deserved Elain anyway. It had been a nice dream and then it had been snatched from him…and that had hurt. It had hurt so much. Because it hadn’t been…

If Elain had turned him down, he could have dealt with that. Somehow that would have been less painful. Less painful than Rhys being the one that would…

“He’s our brother,” Cassian disagreed. “He’s your brother.” He was. “It wasn’t right what he did. None of this was right. Azriel, he…”

“Don’t,” Azriel cut him off with a sigh. “It’s alright.” It was. In a sense it was. 

He could…Now…now when he was here, right at home in the lakehouse and he could still smell bonfire and Jasmine surrounding him, could remember the warm body of Oriana sleeping right next to him…as long as he had that…anything else didn’t really matter anymore. It didn’t. 

“It’s not alright,” Cassian snapped. “None of this alright. That’s why you don’t come to family dinners. That’s why you don’t let him anywhere close to your private life. Why you keep your mate a secret from us all. It’s his fault!”

“Just until…until the mating bond was consummated,” Azriel said quietly. “I couldn’t…He couldn’t take her from me then.”

Not anymore. 

“That was something you worried about?” Cassian asked, looking absolutely gutted, like his heart was breaking. “That Rhys was going to take her from you?”

“I…I do not say that it was particularly logical,” he admitted quietly. “But he…he did…he did tell me to stay away from Elain. And I couldn’t stay away from Oriana,” he whispered. “I saw her and I just…she’s everything,” he said quietly. “She’s brilliant and beautiful and so magical that it takes my breath away every day. I look at her, and I am in awe, Cassian.”

He knew that Cassian would understand that. “She’s fucking terrifying,” Cassian finally said and he couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You think so?” he asked and Cassian just stared at him. 

“Yes.”

“Thank you, I work very hard at it,” Oriana’s voice came from the door and he turned toward her as she brought another tray of food. Soup and bread, which he put on his lap and then offered a bowl to Cassian too, who took it with a start of surprise. 

“Eat,” she said quietly, then went to disappear again, a couple of shadows going skittering after her. 

“Is that Illyrian flatbread?” Cassian asked surprised, taking a piece of it from the tray. 

“I took her to meet Esmeray,” Azriel said quietly, looking at Oriana who was in the kitchen, shadows swirling around her skirt as she moved around. 

“How did that work out?” Cassian asked curiously. 

“She showed Oriana how to make bread and then gave her a blue rose,” he recounted quietly. “It was better than I could have hoped for in my wildest dreams.”

[channelangel]

My void success story

I actually did it! I will be splitting this post onto sections and titling them in bold because this is going to be a long one. I got consent from @gorgeouslypink for the layout and headings!

My Void Journey + Failures

I knew about the void from beauty krystalied and moza morph's void state subliminal. At first I was so confused I googled the void and found amino and reddit, I had bad experience with reddit so I stayed away from it and I am so glad I did because of the amount of limiting beliefs. I found a success story from a website (tumblr) and I felt so excited I decided to try to tap into the void. When I gave up after 2 seconds I immediately went back to the success story and re-read everything to see what I did wrong. The cycle continued and eventually I came to loablr where I found @cinefairy, @itsravenbitch and @rosellesworkshop. I asked them questions on anon mode using translate (I revised knowing english) about the void, manifesting and more. I was desperate to enter the void because of my circumstances and the life I was living. Failed attempt and procrastination over and over I finally decided to use the law and manifest my void concept. Once I finished working on my void concept I simplified the rules of the void, my new rules were:

The void is easy to enter

I always enter the void instantly

Entering the void is normal and natural

I stuck to those rules and I persisted.

What Motivated Me To Get In

So at the time everyone was getting into the void, I saw anon success stories everywhere, I felt frustrated because "why wasn't I entering the void?" These posts gave me a wake up call

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

some are recently posted but I think everyone should still see it!

How I Entered the Void State

So there were 2 methods I used (I entered twice first for an experiment because I had a fear of the void and second to manifest my desires) I will be sharing the first one with everyone!

I used this meditation and just followed along with it, I just fully relaxed and listened to her voice it was so relaxing and It felt magical, so I definitely recommend this meditation to everyone, this is a "mind awake, body asleep, yoga nidra, pure consciousness meditation", that can be used for astral projection as well. It's not 1 hour long by the way, at the end for 40+ minutes is just binaural beats and music.

What I Manifested

I manifest so many things everything from this post and so much more as well!

Final Thoughts

I tried to make this as short as possible and the layout is from @gorgeouslypink's void success story! So all the credit to her! I would like to thank these blogs as below that changed my life, they have a special place in my heart and I love them so much!

@cinefairy @rosellesworkshop @gorgeouslypink @sexydreamgirl @itsravenbitch @cleostoohot @stxr-kill

I'll be on tumblr to give advice but sometimes I won't be that active!

Sending love!