#why am I still fighting the yeagerist

[bluebird722]

Giving a Chance

Summary: He thought that his feelings would go away after the three years. He worries that she will not give him that chance. An imagining of the final episode.

Pairing: Jeankasa, implied Aruani

Rating: K

AN: So the inspiration for this story was born right after I began scrolling through AOT posts on Instagram (since I started following Jean's, Mikasa's, and Pieck's English VAs' accounts) and saw how downright nasty people can be to each other in the fandom! Anyone who even mentions Jeankasa faces an enormous wave of protests from Eremika shippers, people attack each other for suggesting that she deserves to move on and be happy even without him, and commentors fight over the whole "virginity/flowers" symbolism. It got to a point where (aside from not wanting to look at even AOT fanart anymore) I thought if Yams intended for Jeankasa to be endgame, why not illustrate how it could have evolved? How could a character continue to love the one who saved her life and still develop a loving relationship that would give her joy? I hope you enjoy reading of it as I had dreaming of it and putting pencil to paper.

Jean eagerly combed back his hair and tried to conceal his excitement that, after three long years and the most trying years of his life, he was getting closer to the dream life about which he had been dreaming for years. Any time that something was not going as intended or he missed home, he thought about what he still needed to do: get his dream apartment, find the right woman, save up for the best liquors, have a baby or two, and contemplate that he was good enough of a person to deserve those fortunes. 

For whom am I trying to look good for? he thought to himself, reflecting on Pieck’s question. Not just the ladies who will read history books one day–but good looks and good vibes go hand in hand, he thought with a smirk. All they needed to do was meet with the Queen and other diplomats, and then a visit to the grave, and then…whatever else he needed to do before his dream life–much better than if he had joined the Military Police as intended years ago–could finally begin.

Then they arrived back to Paradis, wrapped up their meeting a little before twilight, and made the trip to the grave, where Mikasa was waiting for them at the bottom of the hill, and Jean felt like the atmosphere had crashed around him.

As Mikasa embraced Armin, who practically lifted her off her feet in their hug, he noticed how much she had changed, from her hair length to the style of her clothes now that she had given up the way of the warrior. He had rarely seen her in anything both so casual, so feminine, and so civilian, so the combination of pink and blue gave her a new aura of beauty. She even grew out her hair, the long hair that he remembered adoring when he first met her. 

She’s still so beautiful, Jean thought to himself. However, that was not the moment to think about that. Now was the time to mourn their late friend, who died for freedom. 

Jean managed to concentrate on the burden and peace that Eren had left for his beloved friends to save the destroyed world and make it better, but somehow it was easier imagined than experienced. It’s all right, Jean, he thought. Soon Paradis will be at peace. Maybe one day we can imprison or reprogram the Yeagerists, and my family won’t have to live under the Queen’s protection anymore, and then I can focus on having the perfect house and family…

Then he looked up at Mikasa, who was comforting a weeping Armin, and felt a sudden heavy pressure in his chest. All those feelings that he remembered having since they first met and stifled every time he saw how she had feelings for Eren, and feelings that he continued to suppress until they didn’t give him a dull ache in his heart, came back.

Jean gazed at her out of the corner of his eye as they waited to lay down flowers. She had already set down four–the number meaning that nothing would separate the two of them. Even after everything that Eren had put her through, risked for their loved ones, and inflicted upon the outside world, she still felt the same about him. 

For three years, he thought that he had gotten over Mikasa even at the mention of her name. Then just the sound of her voice and the change in appearance unlocked what he thought was long gone. 

***

The ambassadors were to stay in an undisclosed house until the Queen was certain of their outside safety. Connie, Armin, Reiner, and Jean shared one half–two men in each room–while Pieck and Annie had their own, with a kitchen between for heating tea and a bathroom for each group. After visiting Eren’s grave and a quiet dinner with the Queen, the ambassadors went to their undisclosed house while Mikasa returned to her own that the Queen set up for her and in which she was safe after returning home from Marley. Mikasa, however, was not ready to return yet. She visited with the ambassadors, caught up with them over tea, and informed them of how much worse the Yeagerists had grown. Some Paradi natives were willingly moving out of the island in hopes of finding a better life in a foreign land. This unsettled Reiner and Pieck, who planned to move back to Marley, while Annie was uncertain about her future. 

“As long as we’re together,” said Connie, “do you think…we could survive this?”

Only Armin was fully convinced, but Mikasa expressed hope that it was possible. 

***

Groaning, Jean kicked away the blanket and sighed into his pillow. Sleep could not come to him for two hours. It was black outside, and his body ached with fatigue. 

Careful not to wake up Reiner in the other bed, Jean carefully opened the door and walked barefoot into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and looked at himself in the mirror, with his preferred stubble length and the hair that remained polished and well groomed even after a long day. 

Then he unbuttoned his shirt, turned on the faucet, splashed cold water over his face twice, and cried harder than he ever did in his life. 

For goodness sake, Mikasa, he bitterly thought, which made hot tears run faster down his cheeks, why can’t I get over you?! It’s been three years, and I thought things would change! If you wouldn’t change, I could… It’s been three years, and I still think about you that way! I still dream about falling in love with you, imaging you as my life partner, the mother of my children—things that I never imagined until we were getting ready to stop Eren!

Jean weakly looked at himself in the mirror. I could be everything you want, everything you need, but I’m not him! I could give you everything I have and more, but you would still love him more than anything else in the world. If you could have your way, you would bring him back to life and have a life with him–a life…a married life that I would not want with anyone I didn’t feel as I did with you! He hung his head and sobbed. Why can’t I let you go if you don’t want me?

I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life alone, he thought. You deserve love and peace, to know that there are people out there who love you and only want the best for you! Even if you gave me a chance, I would never tell you to forget about him! I would still take you to visit his grave, I would never make you get rid of that scarf, and if you ever needed to miss him, I could spend hours awake at night with you for as long as you needed it…

Jean took deep, haggard breaths and let the tears fall with the droplets dripping from his face and hair. I could be everything you want and need, but I’m not him.

***

The conferences with the Queen and the island’s earliest cohort of allies continued on for about two more weeks, leaving the ambassadors exhausted every night. It was more tiring than if they fought the Rumbling all over again, but their temporary house and tightened security gave them some assurance that things could change for the better. Dinners in which Mikasa joined them sometimes helped, though it only bothered Jean even more. 

Fortunately, despite the Yeagerists taking over the island, the inhabitants continued to live as before everything changed. With mainland influence came new fashions, new technologies, new music, and new food. Two days before Reiner and Pieck were to board a steamboat back to their birth country, the alliance decided to go to a street festival and see to what extent the cuisine and fashion were growing on the island. 

Jean tried not to look at Mikasa, who stayed at Armin’s side the whole time, as they walked around the festival. Some vendors were selling different flavors and types of bread, the people at an ice-cream stand were handing sample cups to about five children to taste before choosing what to buy, and, to Connie’s absolute delight, a vendor was selling various kinds of fried chicken, which he had become obsessed with while staying in Marley. 

“What do you think, Mikasa?” he eagerly asked the black-haired woman who blinked at the different options like she couldn’t comprehend how people could make so many ways to make chicken taste different. Fortunately, Annie said that they would have one of everything just to let Mikasa try one of everything, from mild to spicy to sweet. 

Jean sat on the opposite side of Mikasa when she and the alliance sat down with all kinds of chicken. Some of it looked gross, and some smelled so appetizing. Watching her eat from the chicken bone was kind of amusing, in Jean’s opinion, as were the faces she made. Some were too sweet, some seasonings could go together, and even some of the spicier ones were rather good. Annie, naturally, selected the ones sweetened with brown sugar and caramel flakes; Connie wolfed down his meal–one of everything, like Mikasa’s–and went back for more. 

“So tell me more about the foods you ate in Marley,” said Mikasa to everyone, “and what you got to eat that I didn’t have when I…when we first went there.”

Everyone had a story to tell. Armin recalled trying grilled and fried and sauteed duck, and attempting to make his own. Connie talked about something called a sloppy joe that was messy but downright delicious. Jean mentioned escargots and how people flavored the snails. Annie, Reiner, and Pieck said that one day, hopefully soon, Mikasa could go to Marley and not be limited to just vanilla ice cream; Marley sold, and continued to make, drinkable ice cream called milkshakes offered in many delicious flavors like chocolate, peanut butter, fudge, and caramel. 

Mikasa nodded along and was full after eating all the chicken, but she was so glad to try each flavor. “I will definitely taste each one,” she said quietly. “I just can’t believe that we missed out on so much.”

Jean shrugged but grinned. “That’s why, when I meet the right woman and have children, I’m taking them to events like this so they can grow up experiencing everything that I would have really liked when I was a boy.”

Most of the alliance smiled, but then Jean felt the blood drain from his face. Why did he have to mention a family, children, at that moment? Sure, he knew that adults had an expectation on children to grow up and become parents, and Jean knew his parents felt the same about him, but to actually realize that a family life was something he would like even though he never really imagined one for himself until the Rumbling was starting, when he used an imaginary future as an escape from reality, struck him almost painfully. 

Well, he thought to himself as they started talking about something else, just remember–it’s not worth having a family if you are not happily partnered with someone who wants to be your partner on the biggest project of your life. Then he looked at Mikasa and the scar that he remembered from his dream. It just wouldn’t be her, since she wouldn’t want to have had a family with anyone else.

***

After Reiner and Pieck’s steamboat faded from view, Mikasa accompanied the remaining alliance to the shared house, with the Queen’s security team, to spend the night and rest so they could wake up early the next morning to reunite Connie and his mother. Annie, who had decided to start over with her life in Paradis but hoped to visit her father soon, ordered cookies and tiny cakes to munch along with their afternoon tea and sat by Armin’s side the entire afternoon. Jean, who had cooked for everyone omelets like his mother had taught him, knew that Armin was jittery about their seating position but still could not wash away that horrible feeling of jealousy. 

It was a nice, sunny afternoon that day, so Jean decided to finish his work outside and conclude the day’s sunlight with his sketchbook and charcoal. Drawing was like reuniting with a friend long separated since childhood. Jean appreciated how much bigger the city appeared now that the walls were gone. He no longer felt like cattle trapped in a pen when he thought about what he had experienced. 

“Jean?”

The voice gave his heart a prickling sensation. He cocked his head at the eyes that haunted his most recent dreams. He chastised himself for thinking of how beautiful she was when he knew that she could never find him as attractive. “Yes?” he hesitantly asked.

“Are you done with your tea?” she asked with her finger pointing to the cup and saucer at his side, to which he shook his head and said that he would be in later for a warmer brew. He wanted her to leave him alone so he could forget about her and fall head over heels for someone who would love him over any other man in the world. 

Then again…Eren tried to push her away. He insulted her, said nasty things to her that were devastating to someone he considered a sister…but she still held on. 

I’m not him, Jean thought to himself. He looked up at Mikasa peering over the balcony at life below them. He inched closer for sketching inspiration. Two children who looked to be brother and sister were carrying armfuls of books that he suspected came from the new library. An elderly couple walking by ate a doughnut split in half. Two women, one hugely pregnant, were lounging outside a cafe and laughing.

Jean sighed to himself, wistfully hoping that he didn’t have to make too many more painful sacrifices for strangers below to live these deserved lives, and noticed that Mikasa stared under the balcony and then turned away with an almost pained expression. You don’t deserve her, he thought to himself. In a fresh state of anger, he tore in half the page on which he was sketching. 

Mikasa sharply moved her head in his direction. “Jean?” she asked. “What was that?”

Jean looked down at the paper half crumbled in his fist and closed his eyes. Lie, he told himself. “Just…I just hope I’m heading in the right direction,” he said. He felt her looking at him and knew that she wasn’t going to look away. Sighing, he went on: “When I was a boy, years ago… I used to sketch what I wanted in adulthood, like how I wanted my home to look in the Military Police, what the city would look like from my window…even…” He swallowed. “...even how…how I imagined what my future wife would look like.” 

Mikasa didn’t move or change her expression. 

Keep making things up, he thought. Don’t let her suspect anything. He looked down at the sketchbook with a heavy sigh. “But then…things are taken away from you.” He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. “Like, the Battle of Trost, and seeing what happened to people we knew and trained with…and how I didn’t want to join the MP anymore…” 

Still, Mikasa didn’t move or make a face. Jean looked away from her. “And thinking…with all that’s going on here in this island… would I be able to find someone, a woman…even though…” He stumbled and swallowed. “Even though this position as ambassador is supposed to be for the greater good of this island…what woman would want to risk her life to be with me if being an ambassador meant that Connie’s and my families had to rely on the Queen for protection?”

Mikasa knelt down at a reasonable distance from him. “Don’t you think that the right woman would want to take that risk?” she asked in her usual stoic voice. “If she loves you so much…then it would be a worthwhile relationship.”

Jean twisted his mouth. “But now…it would be hard to find her, because of the Yeagerists.” When Mikasa blinked, he explained: “Like, you don’t know who believes in them and who secretly opposes them, but you’re at a point where you can’t trust anyone for fear or retaliation.” Jean stared at the charcoal under his fingernails. “And let’s say I meet and fall for someone who used to side with the Yeagerists. I…I don’t know if I would be able to look at her the same, knowing that about her.

“Like…you know how Rico is a Yeagerist? And Hitch?” 

Mikasa nodded with her mouth in a straight line. 

“Let’s say they stop being Yeagerists and decided to work with us.” Jean sighed. “Like…knowing what I know now, I–I could never see myself really being even friends with them at this point in my life. It’s like when a friend lies, and it can ruin your friendship for so long, if it’s not already destroyed.”

“I understand,” said Mikasa.

Jean opened, then closed his mouth, and finally gave in. “Do you?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said. “It is already difficult for me now, especially because of my affiliation with Eren. They know how close we were, so I still get Yeagerists asking me to join them, and they always say that he did it for me, for everyone on this island.” She shook her head. “No matter how much I miss him…I could never associate myself with a group that would proudly kill innocent lives and children. What he wanted was beyond my limits, and as much as I did not want to take his life…” 

Jean felt guilty for bringing up painful feelings and angry with himself for reiterating that her love for Eren was strong enough to overlook where he hurt her indirectly, such as a desire to kill even children. He remembered questioning why in Liberio he couldn’t kill that boy who turned out to be Falco. Was it because he himself was unwilling to murder a child? It didn’t matter anymore. He set down his sketchbook, picked up his cup and saucer, and walked inside, where he washed the cup and saucer through grinding teeth. I’m not him, he thought. I could be everything you ever wanted or needed in a partner, but you would see only him and fantasize about him every time we–we…

Jean tried not to think subtle thoughts–of bedsheets, of panting, hands grasping bare backs, two bodies bringing the other to pleasure, morning kisses and nuzzles, and arms around waists, of two bodies trying to spend as much time together as possible. He closed his eyes and pushed his forehead against the cabinet.

For goodness sake, why can’t I get over you?! We’ve been through so much together, good and bad, that I thought these feelings would go away! You would not even want to imagine me as anything more, let alone even dream of a married life with me! You could marry as many men as you’d like and still insist that you be buried with that scarf and beside Eren at the tree, because no man’s love could ever fill that hole that he left you!

“Jean?”

He cocked his head without pulling away from the cabinet. She had come back inside and held his sketchbook and charcoal in one hand. “You left this outside. It’s supposed to rain later today.”

His sigh was not in relief. “Thank you.” He listened to her set down the sketchbook and turned back to the saucer under the soapy water. Why can’t I let go of these thoughts…

“Excuse me?”

Jean slightly jumped. It was Mikasa’s voice. “What?” he asked. 

“You said something under your breath,” she pointed out. “Something about thoughts…”

“It’s nothing,” he said. “Just…lost my faith that things could get better.” He resumed washing the cup and saucer, but she didn’t move away. 

For someone who didn’t like to talk about her feelings, she was making it awfully hard to deny his emotional turmoil. 

“That’s odd to say, coming from an ambassador who is working towards peace,” she said in her usual monotone. 

Jean remembered when he said that he could not imagine being friends with Rico or Hitch should they leave the Yeagerists. He knew that confessing his feelings to Mikasa would destroy whatever relationship they had, and that she could never think of him as a friend again. Frustrated, he dropped the porcelain in his hands and hung his head. “It’s been three years,” he croaked, “and…I still can’t rid of these feelings I have. I thought that my time in Marley, and being an ambassador–they would go away. But then I came home after these three years…” 

He gripped the edges of the sink. “I thought they would go away like my ambition to join the Military Police,” he spat. “But these feelings…why can’t I force them to go away?”

“Feelings,” she repeated.

Jean felt set up and swallowed nausea bubbling in his throat. He looked at her over his shoulder. She was somehow even more beautiful than in the cadets, despite the trauma and pain they endured from fighting the right and wrong enemies. “Mikasa,” he said with burning eyes, “I didn’t save your life, I didn’t wrap that scarf around you, I didn’t let you live with me after your entire life changed in one day…but…” 

He clenched his teeth after his rushed speech. “I could be and give you everything you wanted and everything you needed, but I’m not him! I could love you with every fiber of my being, but it wouldn’t erase the pain that he left you.” When the tears came, he brushed them away. “I just want you to be happy–like Armin does, like Connie does, like everyone else, I want you to be happy.” He took a shaky breath. “I just don’t want you to be unhappy and mourn over what had been, or a dream of what could have been. I told you to kill your best friend, your soulmate, and that will haunt me every day for the rest of my life.”

He turned away his face and rinsed off the cup and saucer to put on the drying rack, but before he could turn around, a hand touched his arm. Her expression didn’t change. “I thought we could be allies again, friends…” He bit his upper lip and watched the water go down the drain. “I should never have brought this up.”

Mikasa took a shaky breath and moved her hand up his arm to his shoulder, and Jean had no other choice but to meet her eyes. “Do you see yourself…giving yourself that chance?” she whispered. “If I let you…would you?”

The nausea was coming up his throat again, and Jean made himself swallow, though it was like gulping down scalding water. “If you let me?” he repeated. He shook his head. “Even if you gave me that chance… I would never make you forget him. I would never tell you to throw away that scarf. I would spend hours awake with you if you missed him so much that you couldn’t sleep at night. I would take you to his grave as often as you wanted to go. I would never make you do anything that you didn’t want to do, or become someone you were not. I would vow to you above myself, in good and bad.” 

Jean’s heart was thumping so fast that he worried that he would have a heart attack. He put his wet hands on her waist without thinking and hitched his breath. “I never pursued women in Marley, and I didn’t know why, not even other Eldian women.”

Mikasa’s eyes were of uncertainty, and Jean felt even more guilty and ashamed of himself for making her feel like she had to give in to his dreams that he harbored for years, and that he could promise her a lifetime of happiness even if he wasn’t him. He dropped his hands from her waist, but then her hands–slender and warm–cupped the sides of his jaw and lowered his head so she could kiss the middle of his forehead. 

***

Jean struggled to swallow the mouthful of soup, and not just because it was boiling hot–it was spicy, like the peppers that Marleyans warned made people cry. He inhaled and moved his blistering tongue around his mouth. “Good heavens, that was hurtful,” he panted. 

Mikasa twisted her mouth. “I know,” she said, “but you know that the doctor said that this will clear out your system, kill the virus in you.”

Jean turned his head away and sneezed into his sleeve. “Ugh…felt like I sneezed out a chili pepper,” he groaned.

“You may as well have,” said Mikasa. “Your nose is bleeding.”

Jean, groaning louder, sat up and impatiently pulled the shirt over his head despite his aching muscles. “Sorry to keep adding to the laundry load,” he heaved as he fell back onto his pillow. 

“Do not apologize,” said Mikasa. “I’ll let the soup cool down and take this outside, all right?”

“That sounds good,” Jean whispered. 

At that moment, the door opened, and a pair of tiny footsteps walked into the room. “Marco?” said Mikasa. “What is it?”

The five-year-old’s face was on the verge of crying. “Mama…my throat hurts…” He threw back his head and sneezed into the crease of his elbow, trailing colored snot.

Mikasa immediately stood up and lifted her son onto her hip. “I’ll take you into the bathroom, and you can have a nice warm bath. It’s good for fighting the flu.”

Marco whined and rubbed his forehead against her collarbone. 

Mikasa had just stepped out of the bedroom when she heard heaving and lurching in the bedroom across from hers. Without knocking, she opened the door and saw her little girl sitting on the floor with her face in the wastebin pulled between her pale, shaking legs. Poor thing was too weak to walk to the bathroom. “Sasha? Sweetheart?”

The three-year-old weakly lifted her head and started crying. “Mama… make it stop… It’s like sloppy joes…”

Mikasa swiftly helped Sasha onto her other hip and carried her children into the bathroom. She positioned Sasha’s head over the toilet, drew warm water, helped Marco out of his pajamas, and lowered him into the tub. The boy nearly yelped but then closed his eyes. “I don’t feel better yet,” he whined. 

“You will,” his mother promised. “It will take time.” She glanced over the tub and saw that Sasha was on the floor, pressing her forehead against the tiles. “Sasha!”

Sasha protested when her mother tried lifting her. “No, Mama, my head… it feels nice…”

“If you keep laying like that, Sasha, you will only get sicker.” Mikasa removed Sasha’s nightgown and placed her in the tub beside her brother. At their mother’s instruction, the children held their breaths, pinched their noses, and dunked their heads under the surface. Once they came back up, Mikasa gathered their germy pajamas and told them to relax and not try to drown each other while she went outside. She would come back very soon, once she hung the new load to dry.

After five minutes, Mikasa finished hanging the soaking clothes and bedsheets, had unclipped the dry linens, and carried the basket back inside. She set everything onto the kitchen table to fold later and hurried back up to the bathroom. She opened the door and saw that the children were not in the tub. 

Before panic struck, she instantly saw tiny droplets of water trailing into her and Jean’s bedroom. Mikasa followed the trail and peeked inside. 

Marco cuddled to his father, his head on Jean’s ribcage, while Sasha was curled to Jean’s chest. Both children were wearing fresh sleepwear, and they still had towels wrapped around their heads. The three of them, aside from the occasional cough, were napping quite peacefully. Mikasa smiled to herself and left the room to give her sick family peace. 

She went into Sasha’s room to strip off the soaked bedding, but the sheets were already pulled off and in a pile at the foot of the bed. On Sasha’s pillow was a sheet of paper with Jean’s recognizable handwriting: I got this for you. You go take a nap. You deserve it. 

***

When Mikasa woke up from her nap, it was already dark. She didn’t hear coughing, so the children were probably still sleeping. She could probably take down the hanging laundry from outside and set up the beds for when the children woke up. 

Mikasa went downstairs with a candle, but before she went outside, she peeked into the kitchen and saw that not only was the laundry that she brought in earlier folded and stacked on the table, but also folded were the children’s sheets and pajamas that they wore before their bath. Her mouth twitched in affection, and she went into the kitchen to pick up everything. 

Inside, however, she saw Jean, wearing only slippers and a towel with droplets of water on his bare back and arms, at the stove, tending to the spicy soup that she fed him earlier. He turned his head when he heard her approach him and smiled. “Did you have a nice nap?” he asked. 

“Yes,” she said. “You, um…”

Jean smirked and ladled the soup into a small bowl. “Do you want one?” he asked her. “I suspect that you forgot to eat before your nap.”

He was always like that, worrying that Mikasa starved herself. She shrugged and said why not. She accepted the steaming bowl and waited for him to sit across from her before she ate. It was both spicy and hot enough to fully awaken her. 

After the usual questions that Jean was all right, that he enjoyed his bath, how well were the children sleeping, and if anyone vomited or had trouble holding down food, Mikasa beckoned to the basket and folded cloths. “Why did you fold them for me? I could have done it.”

Jean shook his head. “I know, but you deserve rest. You may the only one of us who will remain in perfect health while everyone around you gets sick…but you’re my wife, my dearest love.” He set down his spoon and put his hand over hers. “Remember–we’re in this together, caring for the biggest, most important projects of our lives.”

Mikasa cocked her head and smirked. “I know–”

“But,” he cut her off before she could continue, “that doesn’t mean that I’m going to leave you to everything.” With those words, his thumb gently stroked the back of her hand. “Remember what I said all those years ago? That I would put you above myself in good and bad times?” 

Mikasa didn’t say anything, but she nodded. Jean continued: “I wasn’t saying that so you would give me a chance. I said those words because I meant them, just as much as I do now.” He pulled her hand to himself and kissed her knuckles. “I love you too much.”

Mikasa could not count how many times she heard him say those words, but they always gave her a light feeling in her chest that lifted her spirits. He knew that he could never erase away her old love, nor did he attempt to, but the joy he gave her because of the love he gave and the love that he had for their children made Mikasa glad that she gave him that chance. It was unlike how she imagined her future for years, but sometimes she appreciated how her life in reality was even better than her dream life.

[innocentimouto]

To me it's just so infuriating, that the narrative says that all the dead Survey Corps members would definitely, unequivocally, vehemently, unanimously be against the Rumbling plan, and that they'd allegedly condemn those members who don't want to stop it, when in actuality most of them would be happy for them that they can live a long life. Hell, if anything, a lot of SC members would've wound up as Yeagerists that are very much in favor of the Rumbling plan. It is so unfair of Hanji to pontificate about the right thing to do while speaking on the behalf of the dead, not knowing how they, as individuals with separate ways of thinking, would react to the fact that it weren't mindless man-eating monsters who have been their enemy all along, it was their own kind.

A whole lot of things were mishandled in the end, but using what we know:

Many of the veteran characters were not really written outside of being soldiers, so knowing them on a deeper, personal level, is hard to say.

2. The idea of humans outside the walls was known to Erwin, Levi, Miche, Hange, Nanaba, etc. And it's very obvious some people outside the walls wanted them dead. But they didn't know the whole world hated them and would eventually want them gone.

3. They were all driven for humanity's sake. They chose to continue fighting the titans for years despite overwhelming loss and zero answers for humanity's sake and to make the lives of the fallen soldiers matter. But as far as they knew, they were humanity.

4. To then face an enemy that would invalidate all those sacrifices, the REAL enemy, it's really hard for me to believe that every member of the SC would oppose the Rumbling. I don't even mean that they would gleefully and happily support it. I mean more in line with Jean. Realistically, their choices are limited. I also think more than just Eren should have been horrified/depressed at finding out the rest of the world wanted them dead, that after all that sacrifice, they still can't rest.

(Levi has 2 moments of thinking about loss of hope and the dream they shared of a joyful world. In both of those times, Eren is the main issue, but in reality, I can't understand why Levi or Hange or any other character wasn't hit with this feeling once they read the journals or saw the rest of the world.)

5. I think sticking most members of the Survey Corps on the opposing side of the Yeagerist is heavily influenced by how they beat down Shadis and allowed members of the military police and garrison turn into titans. Erwin was willing to make a lot of sacrifices for humanity's sake, but allowing humans to TURN into mindless titans? I think that's a level none of the sc would be okay with.

The idea of supporting or at least not opposing the Rumbling is usually muddled with siding with Yeagerists whose actions I myself didn't like either.

The thing about saying "genocide is bad, end of discussion" is that not fighting back will allow genocide to happen anyway. And the usual response is that "well it's less lives."

Yeah, but it's STILL genocide. So stop trying to end conversations with "genocide is bad" when your argument also allows it. Have your argument, it's your opinion. None of us, at least not me, are advocating for genocide here. Personally I could never be okay with allowing millions and millions of people to die. But I am also not in the world of aot and have not watched thousands of my people be killed which would now be for nothing and knowing my people have been made into mindless beasts for years for a senseless war.

All that pain, fear, and suffering, all for actions thousands of years ago, caused by people I didn't even know existed.

So yeah, I totally get opposing the Rumbling. But frankly most of us have not experienced what characters have in aot and sitting back for the sake of the world that wants my people dead would also completely invalidate all the suffering of hundreds to find the truth.

Anyway the following response is that they don't want the genocide of Paradis, but there's no good option.

And that's the same for people who support/don't oppose the Rumbling. No other option was given (though it should have been, my argument here is only using what we were given of the characters in s4. Otherwise NOPE, there were other options, none of which would lead to complete peace. But that's unachievable anyway. I think there would have been a way to make powerful allies with other nations, but by s4 things were just...lazy. Tangent)

But the whole point of introducing the Rumbling is not to stand and make a statement that genocide is right or the world deserves death. I took it to mean that THIS is the consequence of years of war, oppression, racism, greed for power, enslavement, child soldiers, etc. This is the worst possible thing someone could do, but because of years of war, this horrific decision is actually on the table for some.

To me, the Rumbling was never something to be celebrated. It was always meant to be horrible. But the intent behind it is to show how far humans are forced to go when senseless wars and oppression continues. It's a warning. You can't oppress a group of people for years and years in the name of them oppressing you for years. The cycle has never ended. There will be consequences.

Had Paradis been wiped out, the Marleyans would have become another Eldia in time with how willing they were to use titans in warfare. And soon the cycle would continue. I find it hilarious that Eldia gets so much blame for atrocities in the past when Marley is literally turning people into titans as a form of warfare. I half wished a character would tell a Marleyan "so how many years do we need to wait until we can call you the monster?"

Seeing the SC just plan to stop Eren after being stagnant the whole season and then admitting they don't have an answer and they may be wiped out... it's so unsatisfactory. If world wide genocide was going to be written in a story, how could you skim over SEARCHING for alternatives? One episode wasn't enough. There had to be groups of people on their side.

The Survey Corps was always known for being in the worst possible situations and finding some solution that's still awful but it's a solution. They didn't find anything. That one flashback episode was not enough for me. The Tyber family was right there. The "Island Devils Are Evil" and all Eldians are evil because of what their ancestors did, yet the Tyber family gained respect. Turns out, the Island Devils were the only ones who had an ancestor that OPPOSED what King Fritz started. If we're going by that logic, the Tyber family are frauds, and Paradis are the only ones who actually atoned for the actions in the past.

All this talk about years and years of oppression, so they must suffer when in reality it should be they must do something to undo the past and NO ONE did this but Paradis. Tyber family would HAVE to fall in with Paradis if they came out to the world leaders with that, or they'd lose their status. Turning Marley into the villains would have been easy with how they use titans as weapons against many other nations. It would also prevent the impending attack on Paradis.

I just feel they sat around and did nothing beyond a tiny search for allies. In public. Of course they wouldn't find any. Felt really lazy and like the Rumbling NEEDED to happen for the plot.

Hope this makes sense. I can't seem to organize my thoughts about aot and everything ends up really long.

[madraleen]

Attack on Titan - Hajime Isayama Vol.32-33: The Torture Continues - A Commentary

-i like how we know these people so well and they know each other so well that they take cues from each other. like, if even mikasa wants to stop eren, then how can anyone else think otherwise, you know?

-FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT, FUCKING THANK YOU HANGE, "GENOCIDE IS WRONG" IT'S THAT SIMPLE SOMEONE SAID IT, THE REAL MVP AS ALWAYS. finally someone with common sense and resolve, someone not speaking in ifs and buts, finally, HANGE FINALLY!

-this is such a random group of allies i love it, it makes me smile

-i feel so safe with hange, a voice of logic, oh my god.

-listen, i'm not even joking, eren's VERY CONSPICUOUS ABSENCE makes me so much less emotionally unstable that i can actually enjoy these conversations, like i'm happy to be here again

-i'm sorry, i know it's a tense moment, but lmao at levi's zzz panel

-part of me thinks that if we just don't see eren again, if we just randomly hear that he was stopped, i'll be fine. it would be terrible storytelling ofc but it hurts so much seeing eren like that, seeing his face and have him say and do these things

-what the fuck are you talking about, jean? armin has been saying that everyone should talk it over with everyone a hundred times over.

-WHEN DID LEVI BECOME THE TENSION RELIEF IN THIS GODDAMN MANGA OH MY GOD 

-jean's 'i can't forgive you' to reiner while they're still allied for their goal, i love this.

-the panels of levi sleeping with the zzz i cannot

-no offense, is armin going to do any impressive thinking post-time skip or...

-it's nice how everyone apologizes to everyone (before rocks fall and everyone dies courtesy of eren, lol. lol?)

-armin and connie acting their little hearts out to the yeagerists, bless

-MISS KIYOMI GOING IN FOR THE KILL!

-aww seeing armor titan and female titan fight together

-this is the second time connie's saving armin's ass

-i am actually happy to be reading this now that eren isn't hurting us by showing his face. like, if you put aside for a sec WHY this is happening... it's very  exciting to see what comes next

-does sensei want to kill everyone here on the port, bc he's taken out the colossus titan, he's taken out humanity's strongest soldier...

-ooooh falco's jaw titan looks different than galliard's!

-i don't want y'all to fight anymore either, annie, and not with eren either, what are we gonna do :'(

-oh no. oh no is this eren pov? am i about to get unhinged again? oh no. go back to your conspicuous absence, devil child, why do you hurt me so. i miss you. but you make me suffer.

-the fuck? ZEKE tells EREN there's no ingrained behavior to the ackermans?! so then...

-i hate this. i understand that it's all to protect them, but i hate this, eren. baby they can't live happy lives. WHY DID YOU SHOW YOU FACE, I WAS DOING FINE, I WAS HAVING FUN, YOU'RE IMBALANCING MY HOMEOSTASIS

-eren's new form, huh. god this makes me so sad

-'but i just can't accept an end like that' lmao me reading this manga

-eren please THERE WAS ANOTHER WAY, THERE MUST HAVE BEEN, THERE MUST BE

-okay clearly i should stop hoping right here, there's no redemption from this. there's no redemption when we're shown innocent deaths at eren's will. okay. this is it then

-see, armin is a person also disappointed with the outside world that DIDN'T choose genocide, wow shocker, right eren?

-MIKASA'S FACE WHEN SHE SEES ANNIE WATCHING ARMIN

-levi i love you. stay safe

-what did mikasa want, armin to run after annie and kiss her or sth? mikasa you're projecting

-ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME IS FLOCH UNKILLABLE WHAT 

-like, in what universe did eren think the gang would NOT be in danger, that there wouldn’t be a good possibility that his own titans would trample his own people

-heh. armin the 15th commander :)

-OH SHUT UP "dedicate your heart" OH SHUT UP LEVI SHUT UP HANGE SHUT UP

-shine, my love. shine, hange. goodbye.

-"goodbye. hange. just watch us." who decided to give levi all the poignant lines, who. THEY HIT THE HARDEST BC IT'S LEVI!

-is there. is there an actual possibility that eren just... kills them all? surely not?

-NO! NO! AFTERLIFE SCENE?!?! I DID NOT EXPECT THIS FROM ATTACK ON TITAN, THANK YOU FOR THIS!!! ERWIN!! AND THEY'RE ALL WATCHING! THEY'RE ALL WATCHING!!

-a little quick it was, hange's death scene, but they did get the afterlife scene, so i won't dwell.

-oh! commander armin actually lets us in on the plan beforehand! that's unusual for stories! that probably means it'll all go to shit

-this is exactly what the founding titan looks like, but why does it look so funny in armin's drawing

-man, i want to give mikasa such a big hug. her face.

-the thing is. armin especially, and everyone, are trying to analyze eren's mindset, like 'maybe he's testing us' or whatever, and every time we SEE eren it's actually a simple "RAWR DEATH!"

-humanizing eren through reiner because we actually HAVE humanized reiner through endless chapters. that's interesting

-WE HAVE BEEN SUMMONED! ALL HAIL EREN! ALL SHALL LOVE/NOT-LOVE HIM AND DESPAIR. i don't want to see what happens, i'm sure it'll be nothing good :')

-mikasa's plea is the best. share the sins that they're all guilty of

-ah, what wouldn't i give for a simple ass-kicking from levi to eren

-eren will fight us? :’(((. i can't believe that. i know i said i'd renounce all hope, but i am so sad. i am so sad. mikasa what do we do? whatever you say, i'll follow your lead

-the plot armor is strong on the marleyan cast's families

-yes, cool, everyone wants world peace two seconds before they die

-all due respect, i don't see how the 104th can do anything about this now that the power of friendship failed

-'We'll use all our (seven) forces to destroy him!" rocks fall everyone dies - in the literal sense.

-WHY ARE YOU YELLING EREN'S NAME AS YOU FALL ARMIN WHY ARE YOU BREAKING MY HEART WHY DO YOU KEEP REMINDING ME WHO EREN IS (or was, or should be) WHY HAVE MERCY

-eren be like, feel free to fight on my skeleton back y’all

-JESUS WITH THE SCHOOL CASTES ALREADY, YOU'RE TOYING WITH MY FEELINGS

[sayuyu995]

Every time when I saw ppl said “Erwin would side with Eren and Yeagerist” “Erwin will prefectly solve all the problem in s4” “What if Erwin still alive....” blah blah blah, it makes me so confuse.

First, I doubt Erwin will stay at the military after he went to the basement, even if he got the serum, I think he will step aside from the commander position and let Hange take over. Erwin already tired and suffered enough, I don’t think he wants to take part in a war anymore, but I agree he will be the best consulter to Hange, give her advise on the political affair.

Erwin will support rumbling is just bullshit, he will never support it nor the other old SC members will. People really forget what SC originally aimed for, they are looking for freedom for the humilities, for the greater good. Many of them joined before the fall of wall Maria, what make you think these people will support genocide, this is impossible, I means a normal ppl will not support genocide. Rumbling is not just killing your “enemy”, it destroys the history of the world, the civilisation, technology, ecology, (I hate the show never mention that), it’s literally a worldwide nuclear bomb.

And Levi decided to stay in SC after Isabel and Farlan death was also the dedication spirit of these ppl, would Levi stay with a group of ppl and follow a leader who just think of themselves? I don’t think so, it’s just make me feels like the yeagerists eagerly want a main character to support them lol, because except Floch there is no characters literally support the rumbling even tho they may have different motive to stop the rumbling

“Hange and the the Island were wasting the time”, well, how I can trust a person just went to another country and declared a war on his own? And the yeagerist said you sucks because you don’t trust Eren lol Emmm... sounds interesting to me, I think Eren is the one who don’t want to gain trust from the Island, he wanted to do this on his own, then how can you blame Hange and the others for not trusting him. ?_?

Hange deserves better!! I hate ppl comparing Hange and Erwin, they are both great leader. But don’t forgot Erwin has all the vets, Levi squad, Hange squad and Mike squad under his command, if only these ppl are in s4, the situation will change too, the biggest problem of 14th SC is the ideological gap between old SC (aka Levihan), 104 and the new SC who joined to fight other country.

I start watching the reaction video of s4 again, it reminds me the nightmare of many ppl ignored and downplayed Hange, said she was annoying and better pass the commander role to Armin (srsly wtf?). I really scared these shit will happen in p2 again and ruin my enjoyment of the Levihan moment. It’s not really an enjoyment tho 0_0 (pain...) I love watching reaction because I love to see how ppl think about Hange, but I am scared now

[kachuusha]

culmination of a 10 year old bond.

note: this became a lot shorter than I had originally planned. I omitted some parts because they had been talked about by other shippers as well so I just included parts that I thought were important to the point I was trying to make. english is not my first language so I apologize if there are grammatical errors. 

looking back at all the levihan moments from the very beginning of the series, you would notice how isayama laid down the foundations of levi and hanji's relationship and those said foundations played a big part on levi and hanji's decisions in the final arc that involved the other.

remember how in the scene when they where first introduced, levi was being hyped by the townspeople for being humanity's strongest and then there is hanji who comments on how surprised they would be if they found out his clean freak tendencies?

right from the start it was shown that hanji sees a part of levi that doesn't reduce him to simply a weapon. they don't place him on a pedestal because they see levi as a friend first and foremost.

that comes to play in 115. I've seen people say that hanji being the one to find levi had no bearing but I disagree.

levi got injured to the extent where he couldn't move anymore. in that moment it was made clear that levi was not the invincible human weapon people saw him as. if just some random character saw him do you think they would easily risk their all to save him? if you think about it, others might see levi as a lost cause—a soldier who wouldn't be able to fight anymore. that is exactly why hanji being the one who finds levi was imperative—because hanji saw way past levi's humanity's strongest persona. hanji also knows how terrible the repercussions of being hit by a thunder spear are because it was their invention. but of course that did not matter to hanji.

hanji that time was already in big trouble being held hostage and outnumbered by the yeagerists. escaping by themself was already difficult enough but they still rescued a man who is on the brink of death.

hanji saved levi without any hesitation because to them he wasn't merely a weapon to be discarded but rather a person that is precious to them.

another is the way isayama had portrayed how comfortable they are around each other. we've seen their playful banters in the form of shit jokes and the iconic hair grab scene in the anime. the level of trust and teamwork? when they got to walls of shiganshina they were seen to be protecting each other's backs. when they got into eren's basement did you notice now they quickly fell into routine and how insync they were?

and we again see just exactly how comfortable they are around each other in 126. they can both easily let their guard down in each other's presence. hanji voicing out their desire to live in peace with levi. levi admitting his failure to kill zeke. they didn't have to be the perfect commander and captain that moment—they were just hanji and levi who has personal desires and weaknesses.

levi and hanji's way of understanding each other was also heavily enforced by isayama. if you ask me I think this was the very highlight of their dynamic.

in the beginning of uprising arc levi noticed right away hanji's discomfort and then he assured them that pastor nick's death was not their fault. he also encouraged and brought hanji's spirits back into continuing the experiments with eren. I've seen people complain about how levi was being harsh to hanji but was he really? levi just has this tendency to get crass with his words but he means well. when levi was giving eren a pep talk, mikasa commented on how he didn't have to be harsh on eren. he was also getting roundabout with his words and eren couldn't grasp what levi was trying to say so hanji swoops in and interprets what levi truly meant.

isayama even threw in this scene in chapter 106 where the two are seen communicating telepathy. correct me if I am wrong but I think this was the only time we saw something like this happen in the series.

and that deep level of understanding is what we saw in 126. levi asks hanji what will running get them? (pertaining to hanji saying that they should just live there in the forest together) I've seen some consider that as levi rejecting hanji but looking at his words—did he really? he never gave an answer—it was a question. hanji was the one who admitted that they cannot stay there and levi just gave them the push they needed. it was actually very similar to when levi encouraged hanji on how they should proceed with the titan experiments in the uprising arc.

in 132 it is likely that hanji had already anticipated that levi was going to attempt to stop them because instead of saying a statement like "I'm going now" hanji asks him as question—"you understand?" "so just let me go will you?"

despite being obviously pained and against the idea, levi chooses to accept hanji's decision because he respects and understands them too well. because just like what levi himself said in the forest—he knows hanji isn't someone who would like being kept in the dark. that understanding is what enabled levi to be able to let go despite of the pain.

levi conveys his farewell and feelings through a phrase that has a very significant meaning for the two of them—words that he has never spoken before and through a gesture that feels very personal. a fitting farewell for the two remaining veterans of the survey corps who had survived countless tragedies together.

the farewell was very brief and yet powerful. they never needed too many words. was it only a goodbye? or maybe there was something more behind it? whatever it was, it’s evident that hanji understood it. 

the vagueness of it all was so like them because they had always been able to understand each other on a deep level—better than anyone else could.  that final moment between levi and hanji was the culmination of their 10 year old bond.

it was so beautiful how isayama had wonderfully placed these foundations throughout the series and have them fall into pieces at the end. whether you see their relationship as romantic or purely platonic, it is undeniable that their bond was so strong and isayama had carefully written it out.

[damselofblueroses]

The Children of Paradise

Summary: Set three years after the Rumbling, a young captain of Paradise Island, Anna Doukaina suddenly learned that her husband alive during the Paradisian Revolution.

Warnings: MANGA SPOILERS AND ESPECIALLY CHAPTER 139, Descriptions of Depression and Grief, Mentions of Death, Emotional Hurt. Progress of the fiction contains nsfw / Smut, minors please do not.

Note: The idea of Paradisian Revolution and the transformation of Historia Reiss are the offspring of my imagination, I would like to think about how would Levi's aftermath of the Rumbling be in my head after I read chapter 139 :)

Word Count: 6.7k

Chapter 1: Misery of the Sea

The sky on the horizon was not dark at all.

It was shot with crimson, like a splash of blood.

And the ashes blew towards us with the salt wind from the sea.

“Just a retired one.” I said to myself in quietly. “Just like you.”

It did not help to inflate my ego and bolstering my self-confidence. I looked at to my hands, were they still in crimson, after I have been washing them over and over again?

They were pale as the moonlight, there were no single spot which was dirty on my body. I have been scrubbing my skin like wanting to tear myself from my mortal and sinner flesh since years, being a clean freak was just a default feature of my contract.

I made that deal long time ago.

When there was no white in my hair.

I could still recall the memories of selling my life. If Commander Smith could hear one of us, he would correct our words as devoting ourselves, our hearts to the salvation of humanity, however, even he knew that all of us were lying. Those high hopes, from the morons who wanted to serve humanity to the daydreamers who thought the war could be ended were buried under six feet, their remains already had to be become manures.

All of them became tools of nutrition; some of them for titans, some of them for animals, some of them for plants.

But in the end, the circle of life just continues.

And there we go. Again.

I was rubbing my hands to each other. I hate the weight of weapon, after I had to use them against humans. Against my team members, against my squad, against my friends.

In the end, the circle of war just continues.

I did not sign the deal for killing my comrades, my friends, my family. I was taught to destroy the fucking titans, not my kind.

How was I ended up in Military Police?

That was the biggest mystery of my life. I was ranking around 13th, I did not want to be in MP, therefore, I chose to wear the cape by myself. That was my bloody agreement.

I wanted to have my own wings.

When I remember that 14 years old girl, I could not help but smile at her naiveness. Her hopes. Her desires. Her dreams and loses.

I was a fool who believed humanity could be saved from the fate pending on it. Sometimes I could hear that girl’s voice in my head, lecturing me on how I could help the others, how I could be useful for humanity.

Humanity can go and fuck themselves.

I had no debt for people, I had already given to them everything I have.

So why the heck you are here, holding a rifle and targeting a high ranked commander of Yeagerist Unit?

My answer was so simple. I did not have anything to prove to those rats over the streets, but I hated to live in a new war. My war was ended when Eren Yeager and his rumbling were defeated, my war was ended when I saw that girl, Mikasa Ackerman’s endless longing for Eren Yeager, poor girl was spending her days and nights just for being with a ghost, a memory.

My war was ended when the Titan Curse was broken.

I was mourning for the people I lost since I was 10 years old. Losing my beloved ones started before I joined into the army when my entire town was smashed by an unexpected titan attack. They reported the incident like this, unexpected, if someone could expect a titan attack. I still had nightmares which composed by the screams of my friends and my family.

Worst… My little sister’s.

There were a few of survivors, a cousin of mine, me, two neighbours and a father, a grandma, four kids, a baby, and my grandpa.

We moved to Shiganshina before its doom before that those shit-faces Reiner and Berthold attacked to there. My grandpa died after one year when we started a life in the suburbs of Shiganshina.

I was all by myself.

There was two options ahead of me, join the army or work as a maiden. There was a shortage of jobs where I could work as a handmaid, so I went to the registration. I had to find a shelter for myself, there was no one who could take care of me, I had no one who I could trust on. I had to join into military if I wanted to live even for couple of days more.

Commander Smith would be rolled on the other side in his grave, but I never devote my heart to a fucking noble aim or shitty high hope.

I just did what I had to do in order to survive.

But survivingcosted me everything I had.

I was around 11 years old when they took me into the training and since then my heart became a graveyard of my beloved ones.

To my dismay, I had a perfect memory. I remember almost every day of my life, beyond, even the little details that were given to me, Hange and I were not very close for nothing.

Hange…

I was mourning for my friends. My comrades. My companions. My lover.

Nonchalantly I touched my left ring finger and rubbed it before pulled the trigger.

Why I am here and continuing to fight?

My war had not been ended yet. I was mourning but I refused to mourn for those people who died for their purposes. That’s why I was pulling the trigger, putting my life at risk again and killing that bastard with a single bullet.

I knew that my comrades were still watching me above, I would do everything to make them proud. That’s why I was still fighting back with a world where it was extremely cruel.

I used the bricks as a natural shield for myself and disassembled the rifle as fast as possible.

“That was for Hange, you bastards.” I murmured to myself. “She did not die to see Paradis under the yoke of your crazy queen.”

I could feel that Hange was nodding at my words just like she was standing next to me. I knew that no one from my comrades could approve this world where Historia Reiss ruled and transformed it to another planet only to fight.

Tatakae, was our motto. Tatakae, was our national anthem. Tatakae, tatakae, tatakae.

I remembered once I have heard this from Eren Yeager when they kept him into the prison, when Hange went to see him.

He was repeating tatakae like a chant, but I was sure he did not sacrifice everything he had just to see a mad queen on the throne of Paradis, or the army that was named as Yeagerists and divided into new units.

What did it mean? Being a Yeagerist?

Supporting mass genocide or sacrificing yourself for a plan?

For me both options were not the best ones, but if I had to prefer, I would sacrifice myself for a plan like breaking the titan curse.

But in my understanding, there was no place to the toleration of a control freak queen and her decisions to start another endless war.

That’s why I was walking around my second destination today. I was very famous of my quietness, speed and logic especially when it came to assassinate someone.

I learned every trick and move from a retired criminal.

I was like a sculpture on his hands, and he craved me till I became exactly what he wanted.

I sat on the edge of roof and started to count.

Revolution, we call this. Revolution.

I pulled my trigger again and did not bother to see the result. I knew that I killed two important commanders, and I was going to kill the last name for today. The headmaster of the palace, Edward Strauss, then I could go back to the home.

Liberty, we call our aim. Liberty.

Have we ever got a proper taste of liberty?

Have we ever got close to be free?

Have we ever reached a point where we could live far away from the sounds of broken bones, the smell of blood?

Have we ever just enjoyed our lives and let ourselves to live freely?

“That was for Levi.” I whispered before started to walk again. As always, saying his name was the hardest one. I had any idea about his life, I even did not know if he was living or not after the explosion, but I always made sure that naming him among my beloved ones.

He was.

“Please, join me, Captain Doukaina.”

I smiled to the young, energetic blonde boy who was sitting on the bench by himself in the middle of night. His ocean blue eyes were not as same as the time we met.

“You are grown up, huh, Armin?” I bestowed my hand to him. His face was brightened. “I have heard your stories enough for a life-time.”

“I tried to do my best.” he was modest as he was a trainer. “But my best was not enough to save everyone.”

Poor kid. He was still in pain of losing his friends. Eren and Mikasa were the closest thing to a family for him. His shelters. I remembered the day when they went under the yoke of Shadis. Armin was really tiny to be compared with a lot of boys instead of Eren, Jean or even Connie.

“It was not about your efforts.” I was very honest. “All of you did your best, but you cannot challenge to some paths. You knew better than me.”

“Yeah.” he beamed. “I learn the paths with all my heart, Captain.”

I remembered this kid was one of the nines…

“Armin,” I raised one hand. “Can you stop calling me as captain? I already dropped the titles I had once. Call me Anna. Just Anna.”

“Okey, Anna.” he tried my name on his tongue just like my name was tangy. “It is a little bit hard; you know.”

“Old habit never dies.” I beamed to him, enough to made him blush a little bit more. “So, how was your day before I bumped into you?”

“Extreme.” he smiled. “I am trying to deal with two lieutenants who do not want to cooperate with us, however they already joined into the resistance. I cannot let them go as they know so much.”

“What do you think to do?”

“I am going to persuade them.” he burrowed his eyebrows. “I wish the things could be different, but we are still in war.”

“Who are these two lieutenants?” I murmured. “If they will not change their minds after your speech, maybe we have to go for different tricks.”

“One of them is Lieutenant Arya Springer, a distant cousin of Connie; the other one is Lieutenant Johann Willenburg.”

“I know Willenburg.” I sighed. “A total blockhead.”

“Well, he is one of the best shooters.” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “There was nothing I could do when he wanted to join since he has a strong reputation.”

“Yeah, these guys are so stubborn when it comes to fucking reputation.” I exhaled. “They want all the heroes in their team.”

“I could kill someone to have Captain Levi in my team.” Armin laughed. “But he rejected to come back with us.

I stared at Armin like I could not see him anymore. His words were echoing in my mind like a severe, horrendous, and horrific chant that had given hope to the audience, hoping that everything was going to be okey at the end.

“Cap- Anna?” he reached to me. “Anna, are you okey? Shit, you look like on the verge of fainti-

“Armin.” I grabbed his hand with all my strength. “Armin, tell me, is Levi alive?”

“Yes, he is.” he gave me a weird look. “He is in Marley, living with Gabi and Falco, do you remember those two Marleyan kids?”

Levi is alive.

“He did not contact with me.” I murmured to myself. I was not seeing Armin for real, I felt dizzy, my heart was pounding, my breathing pace was quickening, my blood was rushing in my veins. “Why did he not alert me?”

“How much you know about Captain?” Armin carefully interrogated. “I mean after the Titans war?”

“I only know the explosion because of that fucking monkey.” I hissed. I cannot feel my legs. “My knowledge is little, I could not learn anything, there was no one to tell me.”

“Do you want to learn?”

“What kind of question is that Armin?” I yelled without control. “I want to learn what the fuck happened to that bastard!”

“He does not want to be back, because he is not the Captain Levi Ackerman anymore. At least he thinks like that.”

“Ha?”

“After the explosion, Captain Hange found him, actually saved him from Floch and Yelena. To sum up, he was healed, he was still fighting when we ended the war, but his all body is covered with scars, he lost one eye and two fingers, in addition he has some problems with his legs. He uses a wheelchair time to time.”

My chin was dropped into the ground while my soul was leaving my body.

“So?” I heard my voice. “But he is alive, right?”

“Yes, he is.”

“And he thinks we do not need him anymore.” my brain started to function again. “Son of a bitch, he believes that we could not need him.”

“Exactly.” Armin approved. “At least this is what I believe also. I mean, I tried to have a civilized conversation with Captain, but you know how he is. He just sent me off.”

“You cannot have civilized conversations with Levi Ackerman.” I looked at him by gaining my self-control again. “Armin, you are the leader of this resistance. I want to go and drag him back.”

“Ha?” I knew I caught him guard off, but I really had no fucks to give.

“I am going to Marley.” I stood up. “If he thinks he can save his ass from this hell, he is wrong.”

“He does not want to s-

“He is going to see me.” I cut the shit off. Although his words, Armin was watching me with an admiration. “He owes me, you do not know how much he owes me.”

“How much he owes you?” he asked diligently. This was something about Armin, he was always so careful catching the nuances.

“A life.” I was not a sweet talker; I have never been till now. I suddenly scrubbed the wraps on two of my fingers like I have been doing every time I had talked about Levi. “If you will not let me to go, I have no choice but break some bones of your body, so you cannot prevent me.”

“You cannot across the sea without the documents in need, money and protection.” Armin raised his hands. “I do not object you, if you think you can bring Captain Levi back, I fully approve that. But you ne-

“I already have everything you mentioned. I have money, I can protect myself better than anyone can do for me, and I possess the documents, my identification card, my health report and insurance. Marley wants to see them, right?”

“Yes.” Armin nod but it was very clear he was surprised. “Since when you prepared all of these?”

“Do not make a wrong deduction.” I inhaled. “I did not prepare them in order to flee if I have to. My brother is one of the soldiers who chose to stay in Marley, I keep those documents because I wanted to be organized.”

“Well…” Armin stood up. “I guess there is no way to stop you, you will do what you decide on. I give you my consent, no better than this, I command you as the leader of resistance. Go and escort Captain Levi back to Paradise.”

“Your wish is my command.” I groaned and shook his hand. He was a little bit confused, he hesitated to send me over, but he exactly knew that he could not halt me.

Nothing can avert me from my way at this point.

My blood was boiling, I felt like someone was choking me. I could not believe that Levi was still alive and to my dismay he let me to think he was dead.

I spent last three years to mourn for him, and he did not bother himself to let me he is alive.

I rushed back to my little flat where the memories really became a burden. Every night was another nightmare in this place, every piece of the area carried something belonged to Levi.

I really cannot recall every minute I whimper his name, crying and longing for him.

And he did not let me know.

Since when he became a selfish bastard like this?

How could he?

I grabbed some clothes, the basic requirements in need, some food, and beverages into my luggage. Even this fucking luggage belonged to Levi once. I angrily wiped the tears off, I was definitely frustrated, mad and horrified by his extremely self-centred decision.

So, he is living, and he let me to believe that he is dead?

Unbelievable.

How could he do that to me?

I even did not bother to check how could I reach to Marley. I only know that I had to go to the ports, that was going to what I do. I left the home and started to my new journey.

When I will find you, Ackerman, you will pray to be dead.

Marley.

I was sitting on the benches of the boat by watching the notorious walls of Heaven, at least, what had been left from that. Paradise made sure its destruction, but some parts of the walls were still visible if you knew where to look.

That was my biggest problem, I always knew where to look and follow what I saw.

Even now, my biggest problem is connected my ultimate problem: Levi Ackerman.

He was always what I saw, whose I followed without even a single hesitation. Wherever Levi goes, I go, that’s my deal.

For a moment, 18 years old version of me appeared in front of my blurry eyes. I still could see her arms tangled around her chest with a determined face expression, standing before Commander Erwin, being examined by curious eyes.

“Captain Levi wanted you into his squad.” Commander slightly raised his eyebrow. He was more than curious; it was very obvious that he could not see a logical reason behind Captain’s request. “Before approving your promotion, I would like to ask you one question.”

“All ears, Commander.”

“You devoted your heart, no discussion on that.” he stood up and took his steps towards me. I was suffocating because of the power his glare. “But to what? I always wonder that.”

“To whom, you mean?” I questioned his question, for a second, a ghost of smirk formed around his lips but as usual he controlled himself so swiftly. He approved me with his head, I knew that today or tomorrow I had to answer this question.

I was too tired to hold it back.

I was too naïve to try to disguise my true colours.

“I devoted my heart to Captain Levi.” I said. Plain and clear.

Commander did not reply to me. He just looked at me for a minute then smiled. I was afraid of seeing his smile, with all my respect to him, when he smiled, I always felt the goosebumps all over my body, his smile was irking my self-defence system. I felt like I was trapped and dragged into something I should have not want to do, but I was supposed to perform.

When Commander smiled, I felt like I was a puppet in his hands like every cadet in the Scouts.

I had been questioning every incident, decision, and stage of my life since that day. Was I really acknowledged of my words when I blatantly stated my devotion to Levi?

What had I gained in return of my devotion?

A journey to Marley by myself, countless corpses on my conscious and permanent blood traces on my hands.

A myriad of sleepless nights.

Longing for someone who never comes back.

I clenched my fists over the fabric of my skirt. I hated wearing skirts, but Levi persuaded me to wear them when we had to peel ourselves out of uniforms.

I always suspected Levi had something with the skirts, those soft and pastel ones.

What the fuck you are thinking right now?

I could feel my nails digging into my palms, they were going to leave some marks for sure. Maybe a little bit blood too.

Maybe I should have kept myself in Paradise, with my duty. I could distract myself with new missions, new plans, and decisions. Maybe it was not the best option for me, maybe I really had to respect his decision and never went on board to drag him back.

Back to hell.

To the hell he lost everyone whose were very dear to him.

I was cruel and reckless, he had been losing more than anyone else, he had been in such a hell even before people labelled him as the humanity’s strongest. Just once he told me how sick and tired he was of that humanity’s strongest shit.

How much he wanted to leave all these behind himself.

And now, I was on my way to drag him back.

I could feel the panic started to invade my body and affected my limbs; I immediately bit my lower lip in order to keep my mind straight.

Even this little trick, you learned from Levi.

A strong smell of salt rushed all over me with the promising sound of waves. I lifted my head up, my hands automatically turned into the fists.

He already dared to break his promise, why should I care for his thoughts and desires? He did not think of mine, he decided all by himself. Why should I be upset for him?

I could easily forgive him, to be honest, I have already forgiven him for leaving his hell behind. What I have been not going easy on was his decision to leave mebehind like I was a part of his personal abyss. He was the last one who could break a promise, and he never choose a path which could make him to regret of his selection. I knew his way of thinking to the bits, in these circumstances more than I could wish for, if he concluded on the way to follow, he made sure that he would not be regretful. Needless to say, if he chose to leave me behind, it was the solid proof of his view of me.

I mourned for him every second of my life since the end of war, my feelings were always so complicated towards Levi, but I was always certain on my love for him.

My feelings were not reciprocated. I could understand my one-sided affection and its heartbreak if he did not give me a promise for lifetime.

While the boat was arriving the shores of Marley, I was definitely not in my best mood. I could not name all the frustration, fear, anxiety, anger I felt, but at the same time I was so excited. The silence of my mind was sudden and was not like it normally was, it was a total, dead silence, laden with an uncomfortable tension that cut me like the edge of dull blades. There were words on the very tip of my tongue that every inch of myself burned to scream, but my lips were like sealed. My posture was changed by our arriving to the port of Marley, I stood up and took a deep breathe. The air was so thick, I could not deny but I remained bound by unspoken thoughts and empty promises. When the doors were opened to the passengers, I grabbed my luggage and stepped into the foreign lands.

I have been in Marley before for educational reasons. After the war, I was one of the soldiers or civilians who were selected as the students go abroad, I spent two years here by attending college. After graduation, the government of Paradise assigned me as the head of royal library because I denied giving courses to the students.

I could work as a librarian. I could not work as a teacher, not again, I could not bound myself to the pupils. Even thinking about having students around me causing a lump in the middle of my throat. I was not made for mentoring kids, as my own history could vouch for that.

I still hear those screams.

Memories were stuck in my head and for the life of me, I could not erase them from my thoughts. Every little step I took, the labyrinth of my memory has been providing me with a new reason of pain. Anger. Frustration. Sadness.

Loneliness.

I have been always by myself. I fought for my life, my troop, my battalion, my people, my country, and there was no end of the shitty list. Dedicate your heart, we have been trained, dedicate your hearts. My eyes were masked in sheer layer of moisture, I knew, my tears of anger because the world was being nothing but cruel to me. I knew this way of thinking was not being entirely rational, I wanted to hear that it was not my fault, I wanted someone to praise my efforts.

And that someone has been living the best of his life in a little shop where it occupied a very good, visible spot of one of the main streets of city, where I was standing just in front of the door.

I had been losing the understanding of time, but when I found myself in front of the ivory-coloured door, of course Levi would kill someone who can even propose choosing another colour, I checked my clock.

Should I go inside?

I did not know why he did not send a message to me, and I did not fully recall all the circumstances of our shared past, either. I was so determined to see and drag him back, but now, all I remembered was the feeling of falling, crumbling, crawling, and seething pains before blackness. There were blurry bits and pieces, but when I tried to reassemble them, there were just the colour red. Red again, crimson red.

What should I say if I go inside?

What will happen if he is inside?

What if he would be disappointed to see me?

I reached to the knub of door, however all power I had till now was leaving me. Emptiness was what I felt, there was no driving force, there was even no anger against his crimes.

My heart was pounding on my throat, my sight was blurry, then I let the knub of door and turned my back to the shop. I did not want to see what was inside of that little tea shop, even thought it was one of the smallest shops I have ever seen, it was certain that that shop was bigger than my life and more valuable than me in the eyes of Levi Ackerman.

Although I was full of retaliation feelings, I could feel anything but my love for him.

Why should I step back into his life again, when his decision keeping me away from him is clear as fuck?

The city lights peeked through the cracks of the pavement, creating a jagged patch of gold in the way as I took it as a sign for me in order to keep going by myself. I just looked at the door once more, then I inhaled.

I have to write an explanation to Armin as formally. He loves me, but he is not the type of letting the issue go.

“Excuse me?” I heard a young but strong boy voice. “Captain Doukaina?”

I closed my eyes, because I recognized the owner of this voice like hearing it just one yesterday. I kept remain to walk, acting like I did not hear my name but just in one second, a cheerful, energetic face jumped into me.

“YOU ARE RIGHT, FALCO!” Gabi screamed all the air out of her lungs. “SHE IS CAPTAIN DOUKAINA!”

“Ah.” this was only thing I could said. “Hi, Gabi.”

She hesitantly looking at me, her arms were reaching to me, but she knew that I had been refusing to talk with her for long time until that night I had to keep both of them between my arms, protecting them as the frightened kids who survived.

“You can.” I approved her attempt. “We are not enemies, and I am sure both of us changed a lot.”

She did not wait to hear the end of my words; she just hug me like I was the miracle of life. Falco, always kinder than Gabi, patiently waited for his line.

More like waited for Gabi not being extra.

“How are you?” he asked me politely, I could laugh his disgusted face towards Gabi who was circling around me by murmuring an inaudible song.

“I am very well.” Liar. “I hope you are doing well, either.”

“Yes, we are living with Uncle Onyankopon and helping to Mr. Ackerman for running tea shop.” Gabi shared this two information with everyone on the street.

My heart was hammering in my chest to hear that Mr. Ackerman, I hated myself for my reaction, but the kids were unaware of the glossiness glazing over my eyes.

“Did you come to visit us?” Gabi asked. “Why it took this much, we have been waiting for you since the end of war?”

“Gabi, please have some manners.” Falco murmured to her. “Captain Doukaina has her own life, you knew that.”

“Ah.” Gabi stopped and looked at me in the face. “I am sorry, I did not want to be rude, but I thought you would have come very long time ago. We missed you.”

“I did not know where you are.” I spilled the beans without thinking. “No one told me.”

“Uncle Onyankopon said tha-

“She means that maybe there was a problem between Marley and Paradise communication ways.” Falco made a heroic attempt to save a secret from me, but I was playing the game even before he was born. I gave him my signed deathly glare and turned back to Gabi.

“What he says?”

“Mr. Ackerman insisted on you have to live your own life.” Gabi grumbled. “Falco and I tried to persuade him to call you here, but Uncle said he could not dare to play against to Mr. Ackerman.”

“Mr. Ackerman can go to hell.” I cursed beneath my breath. Falco heard me for sure, but Gabi was so busy giving me a detailed story of almost 5 years after the war. Mostly I did not listen her, but I caught two important details.

She knew that I attended college here in Marley.

She knew that I was the head of royal library in Paradise.

Are you still watching me Levi, or she knows these because of another reason?

“Would like to come inside?” Falco interrupted Gabi’s endless stories. “I strongly believe that you came here today, we have fresh bakery and tea, and we happily serve them to you, Captain.”

“Call me Anna.” I smiled to him. What is these kids’ fault? They wanted me with them, they were trying to call me back. How could I remain angry towards them? “Thank you for your kind inv- Gabi, what are you doing?!”

“You have to taste blueberry spongy cake!” she yelled at me. Maybe I can exactly remain angry towards Gabi? “And we have a delicious Earl Grey which came to the shop just a few hours ago. You like Earl Grey, right? Plain, strong and harmonious.”

“How do you know that?” I could not help but ask.

“Mr. Ackerman.” she gave me a weird look like it was very usual, talking about my preferences between the folk of this fucking tea shop. “When he orders Earl Grey, he always check the quality of tea according to the rule of Doukaina.”

“What the fuck?” I tossed my head back, my feet tapping on the pavement. “Gabi, I am really sorry, and I have no intention making you upset but seriously I understand anything you say.”

“The rule of Doukaina is our standards in order to value everything around us.” I heard a baritone voice which I was fucking familiar with. “Welcome to Marley, Captain.”

“Onyankopon.” I pressed my lips into each other. I could not help but felt the irritation against him. He smiled to me by raising his hands.

“I have nothing.” He remained his posture. “Can I join you?”

“We will serve to Captain.” Falco explained. “She just came to Marley today; she has to be thirsty and hungry.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I am very well, but tired. If you could allow me to go back to my flat, it would-

“No!” Gabi just sticked into my arm like a gummy. “We will not, right Falco?”

“What are you doing there, brats?” I heard another voice. Baritone. Strong. Grumpy. Familiar to giving orders. “Did you take a hostage in a blink of eye?”

“She is Captain Doukaina!” Gabi screamed like she was sharing the most wonderful miracle of this bloody world. “How can we take her as a hostage, Mr. Ackerman? She is the cleverest as you always say!”

“Captain Doukaina?” I heard his voice again, full of nothing but disbelief. “JesusfuckingChrist, do you lose your mind?”

“I am here.” I choked out loudly enough for him to hear my voice. “Anna Doukaina.”

There was silence like our walls circling Paradise before we crumbled them down.

“Anna Doukaina.” the voice repeated my name again. Would he be crueller to me, still staying in the shadows?

“Yes.” I lifted my chin and let all emotions filled me up. Did I really unload these 5 years on him, in front of everyone here? I knew I was not going to, but God, if I had the courage, I would. I would ruin his life; I would set everything he did on fire and leave here as the happiest woman.

He came out of that fucking ivory door, and I forgot how to breathe.

No one told me how he was.

No one told me how bad he was hurt.

No one told me how horrible his scars were.

Onyankopon grabbed the kids due to rapidly increasing tension, even though Gabi’s rejections, and left Levi and me by all alone in front of the tea shop. We were staring each other like enemies, we could be enemies, I wondered if I had ever felt like this before in my life.

“Anna Doukaina.” he sighed at me. I clenched my fists and took a really long, refreshing, and deep breath. “You are not Anna Doukaina.”

“Ah.” I barely held myself back from making a scene. “I guess I know my identity better than you, Captain Ackerman.”

“It seems you forget.” he took one step towards me. I could see all of his face, all the stitches, all the lines and his eyes. Goddamnit, his Aegean eyes. “Your name was changed, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” I raised my left hand and showed him the little bandage which I always wrapped on my finger.

“Why did you wrap your finger?” he dared to ask to me by furrowing his eyebrows.

“What should I do?” I nicely asked but I could feel the taste of blood inside of my mouth. “Should I unwrap the bandage? What is the point of it?”

“Since when married woman keeps their marriage rings under cover?” he grunted, but he was careful as always not causing any unwarranted events. I could easily see he was fuming inside; he was calculating but I could not understand the rest of his feelings.

He was upset, that was so clear.

He did not want to see me, that was another clear point.

“They do.” I forced myself to smile. Do not let him to see your feelings. “If their wedded husband are not with them.”

“So, were you covering your ring since the last 5 years?”

“Every day of it, and I enjoyed that a lot.”

“Why you did not take it off, Godfuckingdamnit, if you were so upset by wearing it?!”

“Protection.” I chuckled. Make him mad. Give nothing but only pain to him if you can. “You know, if I will financially collapse, I can always sell this. It is 24k gold. A luxury for Paradise.”

“You are not changed even a bit.” he leaned back on the heels of his feet. “Still a witch.”

“I changed a lot.” I said. Back in the Corps, I was loud and commanding, I was a leader, one of the cleverest. Now, I was timid and tired, I may be broken down because of his absence. “I am not a witch anymore; I became a bitch.”

“Yes, I can see that.” he nod. Very sweet of Levi. “Why you are here?”

“I came because I am looking for my husband.” I said.

“Why?”

“To ruin his life.” I smiled. “I want ruin that bastard for letting me down, for letting me mourn for him every fucking day, for everything he did to me.”

Levi glared at me with a deadpanned face. I unwrapped my bandage and showed my hand to him.

“I have been waiting for this since I learned you are alive.” I murmured. “I want a divorce.”

“What?” his face was entirely blank.

“I always thought you were dead, but since you are unfortunately in flesh and soul, I want a fucking divorce.” I grinned. “Do you think I across the sea in order to see you? No, Levi. No. We are going to divorce, so you have to come back with me to Paradise, then you can go to even hell if you want.”

“Thinking I was dead did not prevent you to live your life fully, huh?” he raised one eyebrow. “Why do you want a divorce right now, all of sudden? Why did you show yourself at the door of my teashop? Are you run out of money?”

“You cannot hit me with these, Captain.” I chuckled and took the ring out of my finger. “See? I came for giving this back to you.”

I directly went to him, in front of him, my mind did not catch any of my moves or decisions. I never felt like this in my life, I was like captured by another soul, I was watching myself out of my body. I grabbed his hand, opened his palm and placed the ring.

“You can do whatever you want with your fucking ring.” I hissed at him. My voice was keeping all the pain as a secret. Even now, even I am full of pain, the only thing I want is hugging and kissing him, staying at his side forever! “I came to say this.”

I turned back to him immediately, but before my first step, he grabbed my wrist and forced me to walk with him inside of his tea shop. He literally dragged me into the next table and held my hand with all force.

“You are my wife.” he dropped his voice to lowest version. Damnit, how he dare to give me that voice, he uses when I was a cadet?! “You are mine.”

“Ah, really?” I pushed him back. “Where were you if I am your wife?”

“Where were you?” he questioned my question. “If I am your husband, why you were not with your husband? Why did you not come to find me after the war?”

“MR. ACKERMAN!” Someone yelled by entering from the door, and both of us turned to the boy. “I NE- wow.”

The little blond kid just stared at Levi, looking like a revengeful god and me, pressed on the table as a suspected witch. His little mouth shaped as an O.

“What happened?” he asked.

“No- nothing. We did not know you have visitors. Hi, lady!”

“I do not have a visitor, Paul.” Levi gave me a piercing look. Do not fall. Do not fall. “She is my wife, Mrs. Ackerman.”

“DO YOU HAVE A WIFE?!” The little kid screamed for his dear life.

“No, I am not h-

“Yes, I have.” Levi said. “And she is going to live with me from now on.”

[aot-snk-4238]

AOT No Requiem Fanfic Review Part 2

Disclaimer: I am not a supporter of ANR myself, so I knew that I probably wouldn't like most of what this fanfiction is putting out there. That being said, I decided to check it out anyway because I was interested in seeing what changes these people were planning on making. This review is not meant to bash the work or the team of artists and writers behind it. These are just my own personal opinions, and I will try to express them as professionally as I can without coming across as aggressive or rude, as that is not my intention.

After a four month hiatus, it looks like the popular fan fiction Attack On Titan No Requiem is back in action. I'm glad to hear that their creator is doing okay. Since this fan fiction covers the final three chapters, I'm splitting my review into three parts. The first one can be found here so if you haven't read it, you can check that out first. I kept it short and to the point and I intend to try and do that with the rest of these as well, so without further ado, here are my thoughts on the second installment of this short series:

This chapter opens up where the previous one left off, with a clash between Eren and Armin's ideologies, their discussion getting more heated by the minute. Armin still believes in a more peaceful way out of the situation that involves more talking and less bloodshed, whereas Eren sees no other options other than the path he is currently on. Fuming with anger now, Armin grabs Eren by the shirt and this is where the scene transitions to the rest of Eren and Historia's conversation from chapter 130. I still can't believe we were deprived of this in the canon universe, so I was interested to see if any of it would play out in a way that I wasn't already expecting. As it turns out, it did not. I was fully prepared for them to confirm or at least imply that Eren is the father of Historia's baby considering what theory this whole thing is based off of and that's exactly what happened. To their credit, they didn't make it as cheesy and overly-romantic as I was afraid they might, but it still could have used a bit more exposition and time to develop. I didn't care for what appeared to be a brief elopement scene in the woods, though. And was that supposed to be Floch officiating it? That's...just too weird for me. Sorry, but a secret wedding in the woods with Floch as the priest felt more like a joke to me rather than a serious event. I remember when most fans used to hate him, but that changed at some point and now he's quite popular. I can't tell if it's for the sake of memes or if people really had a change of heart. And just to be clear I have no issues with people liking him, I'm just a little confused as to how it came about. As for the whole pregnancy subplot in general, I don't think there's anything that can done to make me like it at this point. It came out of nowhere and it led to nowhere. It looks pretty clear to me that making Eren the baby father is the only solution that people can come up with to have it actually mean something and have relevance, which only serves as further proof to me that it never should have happened in the first place. Even if this team has something clever up their sleeve, I feel like there's only so much they can do to make it better, especially considering that they're only changing the last three chapters. To me, a much better handling of Historia post time-skip by Isayama would have involved giving her a chance to actually be queen and exploring her thoughts on Eren's actions and whether she would have allowed the Yeagerists to take over the island. We saw in the end that she did let them take over, but we're not clearly shown why. We also never found out why Eren was able to change her mind so suddenly regarding his plan and what made her decide to have a child. Not to mention that not once did we get to see her interact with the rest of the cast, which it doesn't look like will happen in this fan ending either. It was just her in that stupid chair and then the baby is born and that's it. I appreciate the AOTNR team's attempt to breathe some life back into her, but it still doesn't make up for all the missing screentime she had from chapter 90 onwards.

Moving on to the last part of this chapter, we see that after learning Eren's secret, Armin has had enough. He calls Eren a hypocrite for hiding what he did with Historia from everyone and how things could have been better if he just trusted them, but Eren is still unfazed. Armin asks Eren why he was brought back into Paths if it wasn't actually going to fix anything, and this is how the rest of the chapter plays out:

I like the way this cliffhanger is depicted. It shows Eren and Armin both as children this time facing each other, each with a determined look on their face while their adult faces shine in the background. It serves as a good visual representation of just how much things have changed between them since their early years and prepares the audience for a huge face-off outside of PATHS where everyone else is still trying to fight off Ymir's horde of ancient titans. Speaking of that, these two fan-made chapters have not given much focus to what's been going on on the outside, unlike Isayama's chapter 138. It looks like their three biggest priorities here are giving us Eren's POV, which we didn't get until the very end, Historia's POV, which we never got at all, and a final boost of character development for Armin. As a result, other important plot points are put on hold, such as what's next for Zeke and the rest of Eren's friends. This, paired with a lack of action sequences, causes the pacing to feel slow. Seeing where we are now, though, I'm assuming that it will pick up next chapter. And now that they've given Historia some much needed attention, I'm interested in seeing if they have any plans for Mikasa. There are a lot of people who strongly dislike her, so changing that perspective into something more positive looks like it's going to be a big challenge and I'll be very impressed if they pull it off. Overall, I thought this chapter was okay. It's very good for a fanfiction, though, and I'm glad that other people are enjoying it. I'll be grateful if it brings at least some level of peace to this fandom in the end, so until next time, thanks for reading ✌.

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

I just read aot 139 and well spoilers undercut.

This was the highlight of it. That's the whole chapter go home people.

Now for real tho, am i crying? Yes. Am i smiling? Yes.

Did i hate the ending? Yes. Did i love the ending? Yes.

Is eren a dumbass? Yes. Was he an interesting protagonist? Yes.

Was the fact that Bertolt wasn't meant to die at that time made me almost scream because it means there's a lot of fix it fics potential? Yes. Does that mean Armin literally outsmarted the flow of time space itself?...wut

I'm still bitter about the 80% of the world being stomped to death like it's nothing, the war still continuing between the countries under the yeagerist movement instead of the logic that they are truly free now, wanting to fight for the sake of fighting because that's all they ever knew.

Am i mad about founder Ymir reduced to being in "love" ? Yes.

Am i happy that Mikasa was the key to ending that? Yes.

Did the fact that everyone start thirsting after Eren with a one-liner after his death remind me of a harem anime protagonist? Yep.

Did Mikasa going alone to bury him made me weep like a baby? Mhm.

Do i still hate Reiner's mom especially the "i need you by my side" shit? Yeah.

Do i think Annie's father wasn't attempting to protect her here, but to protect the people from her because he knows she will kick their ass if he won't hold her back? Yes.

Like look at those eyes and tell me they don't spell murder.

Am i creeped by Reiner sniffing Historia's letter like it's her undies? Absolutely. Am i happy we got at least one final jean horse joke? Yep.

Jean is simping for Mikasa again, i feel meh about that.

I think by far Annie and Armin had the most character development that actually stayed after the war, Armin is more confident and assertive, Annie is more social and open about her emotions.

Do i absolutely adore the fact that Historia despite not getting pregnant by her own want, she still was a much better and attentive mother than her mom ever was? And the fact that farmer is still involved in her life as the father? Yes.

Reiner i love you but cut it out- it will never happen just let it go buddy.

And finally, this is the absolute best fucking group Levi could've ended with. He just said fuck it and left on retirement. The adventures of Grandpa Levi and uncle onyankopon and two really oblivious kids pinning after each other.

I can't believe my babies grew omfg what are they now? 17-16 something?? :"( i can't please it's too much...i wish Zofia and Udo would've joined them

Do i think all these small happy endings were just isayama distracting us like like offering candy to kids? Yeah.

Too many things weren't resolved and the things that were resolved weren't done in a clear or satisfying way. Not to mention the burn of seeing all the characters that died almost for nothing when this was going to be the end result not matter what.

Erwin, Hange, Miche, Moblit, Marco, Sasha, Colt, Udo, Zofia, Porco, Bertolt, Zeke, Ymir, Hannes, Nile, Nanaba, Isabel, Furlan, Petra, Kenny.

But do i care? Fuck no, most of us care about the characters not the story itself. That's why this ending feels satisfying because we don't have an emotional attachment to eldians insisting on war but we do have an emotional attachment to grandpa Levi getting his tea shop.

In conclusion: poopoo bird Eren peepee

[kireii-writes]

hey! if your requests are still open, may I please request a Yandere Eren Jaeger where like when he escapes his cell after Marley he has the yeagerists kidnap his s/o?

Stay with me

-

warning(s): kidnapping, yandere tendencies, minor spoilers (for those who haven’t read the manga), a little ooc

-

the surroundings gave nothing away, except for the sound of horses trotting and the rumble and occasional bump of a carriage- the carriage you were in. confusion hit you like a truck at first, and you opened your eyes only to see nothing. you were blindfolded by your captors, and you could feel something like a gag being placed between your mouth, and the thick rope rubbed against your wrists with every move. 

you had no idea how you ended up in this predicament. you were with some of the newer survey corps members, and the next thing you knew you were knocked out cold and woke up on a moving carriage, gagged and blindfolded. with every passing second, your throat felt dryer and dryer, and the thumping of your heart became louder and louder. deciding not to alert your captors, you continued laying down on the hard wood as you desperately tried to come up with a plan. who were these people? what is their main agenda? and most importantly- why were you kidnapped, of all people? there was no knowing what these people might do, and when they might decide to kill you. if they do, you had to think fast to avoid that dreaded outcome. straining your ears, hoping to pick up any noise that could serve as a clue, but to no avail. 

if there’s two people, you could probably take them out before they brought you to the desired location. but to be sure, you had to assess the situation properly. right now, all you could think of was escape. but even if you tried, you wouldn’t be able to go far before they caught up to you. deciding to wait before taking the next course of action, the loud thumping of your heart was doing nothing but reminding you that with every passing second that you’re not doing anything, you’re closer and closer to death’s door. 

when the survey corp members that were fighting down below on land boarded the airship, you’d waited eagerly until you saw eren being forcefully hurled into the airship by a rather angry Levi. before you could even ask what was going on, the older man already had aggressively placed eren under arrest as the survey corps members filled in hurriedly. seeing the grim look on Mikasa and Armin’s face, you knew that eren had done something without Levi’s permission. as your eyes met Mikasa’s your doubts had been confirmed. making your way towards her, you tried to ask her what had happened down below when Levi stepped in front of you, the look on his face warning you not to ask about what had happened. 

“you’re not allowed to see eren while he is imprisoned.” Levi ordered you curtly. 

“but why?” you asked, unable to accept Levi’s treatment towards eren. first he places him under arrest, and now he wouldn’t allow you to visit him? 

“because i say so, you damn brat.” Levi answered your question brusquely. “that stupid boy thinks he can do whatever he wants, and since he thinks he’s smart enough to take things into his hands and defy orders, he deserves to be locked up after all the commotion and damaged he created. you better not defy my orders too, y/n.” giving you one last look, Levi walked away along with the rest of the survey corps members, leaving you, Mikasa, and Armin together. 

“i’m going to talk to eren.” you informed the other two. without waiting for their replies, you hastily walked off into the direction eren was being dragged away while Levi and the rest were too busy to keep their eyes on you. just as you were making your way into the basement of the airship, two survey corps members caught you. thankfully, they didn’t hear of Levi’s orders and did not question you as to why you were in the basement when you informed them that Levi had ordered you to head down and grab some supplies. as you watched their retreating forms, you were too focused on not getting caught that you didn’t sense someone coming up from behind you. by the time you turned around, it was too late. the next thing you knew, you were stuck in this predicament. 

as the carriage came to a slow stop, you heard footsteps approaching you and you stayed as still as possible hoping that your captors wouldn’t be alerted of the fact that you were awake. you were then roughly grabbed by the arm before being slung over someone’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes before you felt your captor alight from the carriage. 

staying as still as possible, you struggled to pick up any signs of where you could possibly be. ever since you had woken up, you made sure to take note of every turn and twist of the road the carriage was travelling on. but all of a sudden, the carriage stopped in the middle of what feels like a straight path, and you had absolutely no idea where you were at now. as your mind raced to formulate some kind of plan that would allow you to escape, what sounded like a door was being kicked open and your captor continued walking into what is supposedly a room. upon entering the room, you were being roughly thrown onto a chair, forcing you to bite you tongue to stifle a groan.

“could you be gentler?!” a masculine voice spoke up for the first time ever since you were kidnapped. “if he finds out you’re being so rough, he’s going to kill us both.” at the words of the male, your ears perked up as your mind churned with thoughts. who was he talking about?

without warning, your blindfold was removed from your eyes, and the stream of light attacked your eyes, causing you to blink rapidly and squint against the light. 

“you were awake this whole time, weren’t you?” a gruff voice asked you, and although you couldn’t see who it was, it was clear that there were two captors. “what the hell, if i’d known i should’ve made you walk here instead of carrying you all the way.” 

“knock it out already! this isn’t the way to treat our saviour’s love, if he finds out you’re being rude, your head will roll.” the first man scolded. squinting your eyes as you adjusted to the light, you scanned your surroundings, hoping to find some form of exit. unfortunately, the only exit was behind one of the men who had brought you here. you could try the window to your right, but it would be near impossible to make an escape with the little time you have. as your guts churned with dread and a trickle of cold sweat ran down your spine, one of them had approached you and proceeded to undo the ropes that were binding your hands together. 

“please don’t be afraid of us, y/n.” the man sounded out as he undid the ropes on your wrists. “we don’t plan to hurt or harm you in any way, trust me.” the man continued as you thought of another way to escape. “we’re part of the yeagerists, ad we’ve brought you here as part of our orders from our savior, the one who would save us all from this doomed world. the man offered you a small smile as he stepped in front of you and removed the gag from your mouth.

by now, you weren’t able to think straight. your hands instantly started becoming cold and clammy as you felt the energy drained from you. who are these people, and what are they talking about? ‘our saviour’? who the hell was that? were they planning to use use as a sacrificial or something? you were so caught up in your own thoughts, the pounding of your head getting louder and louder, so much so that you didn’t notice the door opening until you heard a familiar voice. 

“y/n.” at the sound of the third person, you looked up in the direction of the voice that brought you a sense of comfort and warmth all the time. there was no doubt about it- there in the doorway stood eren, your beloved, a smile on his face. 

your first instinct was to run towards and into the arms of the man that would hold you to sleep every night, but the confusion of seeing him here rendered you unable to move from your seat.

“how did you- why are you-” you fumbled over your words as eren made his way towards you and squatted in front of you, a smile on his face as he brought a hand up to caress your cheek. 

“how i escaped isn’t important, y/n. what’s important is that you’re here now, and that it all that matters to me.” eren answered the burning question in your mind, his head buried in your lap. “i’m so glad you managed to make it here safely, y/n.” eren sighed as he nuzzled your thigh. 

“eren, what’s going on? why am i here? why are you here? who are these people?” at your questions, eren couldn’t help but chuckle. “relax my love.” he soothed as he traced circles absentmindedly on your thigh. “these people are part of the yeagerists- people that follow me and like me, believe that this wretched world needs to be changed. and they’ve entrusted me with their hopes and lives to create a new world where everything would be fine. i told them to bring you here, so i could talk to you, my love.”

‘what did you want to talk about?” you questioned as you narrowed your eyes at your lover. you had this nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that it was something that could change your entire life. 

“i want you to stay with me.” eren looked up, his eyes never looking away from yours. 

“what do you mean? we could stay together, we already are, aren’t we? we’re still together in the survey cor-”

“no.” eren’s cold and harsh tone cut you off. a look of shock took over your confused one as you looked into the eyes of eren. he had never once raised his voice at you or talked to you in this tone before, why was he so worked up?

“i meant, away from the survey corps, away from anyone who thinks that this world doesn’t need to change.” eren continued in a gentler tone. “the survey corps clearly don’t see the need for me to change this world we live in, but i know you do, don’t you?” 

“eren, are you crazy?!” the words flew out from your mouth before you could even know it. whatever, there was no taking it back, you might as well just say whatever’s on your mind and hope that eren doesn’t kill you. “eren, you can’t defy the survey corps and go about doing as you please, you have a responsibility to uphold! think this through!” you pleaded with eren, but the man clearly had no intention on changing his goals. you knew that once eren was set on something, he wouldn’t waver and change his mind that easily no matter what others told him.

in one last attempt to dissuade him, you brought up the last two people that he wanted to hear about. “what about Mikasa and Armin? have you thought about how they would feel?” you asked gently as you cupped eren’s face in your hands. the slight widening of his eyes at the mention of the two people he was closest to brought a tiny silver of hope into you heart. maybe, maybe he would rethink this after all.

“as long as i have you by my side, nobody else matters.” eren turned and face you, his big hands overlapping your smaller ones. “so will you stay with me, my beloved y/n?”

you were torn. torn between your loyalty towards the survey corps and eren. should you decide to follow the survey corps, you knew that eren would not hesitate to kill you in order to stop you from leaking any information. but if you agreed to follow eren to the ends of the earth and his plans do not succeed and is captured by the survey corps, you knew that Levi and the rest would not spare your life too. 

letting your hands fall to your sides, you tore your eyes away from your lover as you looked down at your feet. swallowing hard, you gave him your final answer. 

“no. i cannot support you this time.” 

at your answer, eren removed his hands from yours, and a deathly silence hung over the both of you like stale air. embracing your fate, you were prepared to die at the hands of eren. slowly, eren got up, and gently tilted your head to look up at him. 

“then i’m sorry, my love.” eren replied, his thumb rubbing your cheek gently. “i’ll have no choice but to take you away from this lie that they have fabricated. i’ll take you away and together, we’ll create a world that you deserve to live in. i didn’t want to take you away without giving you a choice, but i realized that no matter what, i want- and i need you to be by my side. and if it means having to take away your freedom, i’ll gladly do it.” 

“why?” your voice barely above a whisper. 

“because i love you, and i want you to stay with me, no matter what.” eren smiled softly at you. “i promise you, i’ll make this world a place where you’ll never worry about your life anymore, just for you. all you have to do, is to stay with me.” 

[fanmoose12]

Jean wiped the tears from his face, thinking if he had made the right choice after all. Remembering Magath’s arrogant and condescending expression or Reiner’s apologetic one, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

What was wrong with him, if he decided to risk his life to save the assholes like them? Why should he help those people, who hated and despised him, who called him a monster just because of his blood?

Maybe, Floch was right, Jean though bitterly. Maybe, he should have joined him and let all those people die. Then he would be safe, he would be free and… he would be guilty for the deaths of millions of innocents that had cost him his happiness.

“Goddamn it,” Jean whispered. “Goddamn it, Marco, sometimes I hate you,” a small grin appeared at his lips and a few tears escaped his eyes, as an image of his friend, smiling at him, came to Jean’s mind. “If it weren’t for you and your stupid words… I would have been the same old Jean… the same jerk, who didn’t care for anyone, but himself. But look at me now,” he chuckled, that sound mixing with his quiet sobs. “I’m going to fight another war, fight for the people I don’t even know. All of it is your fault,” despite the accusation, his voice was soft. “Oh, I miss you so much, Marco. Sometimes I think it would have been better, if you survived and I died in your place. You would have known what to do. You would have made the right choice, I’m sure.”

Jean took a shuddering breath, raising his head to look at the night sky. “Do you think I’m a good person, Marco?” he asked, his voice too loud in the quiet forest. “Do you think I can be called that, if I have doubts? If I still want to run and hide?”

Jean covered his eyes with his hand, taking another deep breath. All this pondering was pointless. He made his choice already. People were depending on him now. His friends were depending on him, Hange-san was depending on him. Even those fucking Marleyans were probably depending on his help as well. It was too late for doubts now.

Jean wiped his face with a sleeve, hoping that all sights of tears were gone. He would rather die than let anyone see him like that. Using tree as his support, he shakily got to his feet and dusted his coat. Then he started to walk back to their camp.

He hoped that everyone else was asleep. Someone asking why his eyes were so red was the last thing he needed right now.

But of course, because apparently the universe fucking hated him, as Jean neared the camp, he saw that someone was still sitting by the fire.

When she heard the quiet sound of leaves rustling under his feet, Hange turned to face him.

“Took you long enough,” she commented with a lopsided smile. “I was honestly starting to get worried.”

“What,” Jean took a sit next to his Commander. “Thought I was going to ditch you and join Yeagerists?”

“No,” Hange shook her head. “I never doubted you. But forests are quite dangerous at night.”

“After fighting with Titans, I don’t think it would be that hard to defeat a bear.”

Hange softly giggled. “Yeah, maybe, you’re right. By the way, I saved some stew for you,” she passed Jean a plate with a spoon. “Emotional breakdowns can be quite tiring.”

Accepting the stew, Jean smirked as he looked at Commander Hange. “Speaking from personal experience?”

She replied him with a smirk of her own. “That’s classified information. Commander’s secrets and all that.”

Jean gave a short laugh and then looked down to his plate, busying himself with eating the stew. As he ate, out of the corner of his eyes, Jean kept looking at Hange. She was absentmindedly stirring the ambers in the fire. There was a faraway look in her eyes, and she appeared to be deep in thought. Jean glanced slightly to his right and saw Captain Levi, resting beside her. From time to time, Hange also threw Captain a quick look, as though making sure that he was still here.

Jean suddenly felt sorry for his Commander. At least, he still had his friends and his mother, but Captain Levi was the only person Hange-san cared about. She had lost everyone else.

“Hange-san,” Jean lightly bumped against her shoulder, attracting her attention. “Have you ever…” he trailed off, feeling that his question was too personal and intrusive.

“Yeah?” she prompted, looking at him with a gentle look in her eye. “Have I ever what?”

Well, Jean started it, he may as well finish his question. “Have you ever wanted to escape? T-to leave all of this shit behind and just run away?”

Hange let out a short laugh, however that sound was devoid of any mirth. “I’ve been fighting this war for much longer than you, Jean,” she looked away from him, her eyes darting to Captain Levi’s still body. “I’ve suffered many losses and endured a lot of pain. I… of course, I’ve thought of leaving. More times than I can count. When Levi got injured, when I saw him, lying there in a pool of his own blood, the wreckage of that damned explosion surrounding him…” Hange’s voice shook slightly, but she continued, turning her gaze back to Jean and staring right at him. Making him see all of her pain. “That’s all I could think of. I wanted to run, I wanted to find a place to keep us, to keep him safe, and never leave it. But I couldn’t,” her lips curved into a sad smile. “I knew I had responsibility, one I couldn’t escape from. There are people, who still rely on me,” she paused, shaking her head. “For some idiotic reason you and your friends still believe in me. And… they… all of the friends that I’ve lost, all of the comrades, who sacrificed their lives for us to keep fighting, I can’t betray their trust. I can’t let their sacrifices be in vain.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Hange fixed the glasses on her face, putting on a cheerful, but obviously fake smile. “I’ve dumped all this onto you. It’s probably not something you’ve wanted to hear. Before an important battle, one that probably will decide the fate of our world, I don’t think you want to hear that your Commander was this close to giving up.”

“No,” Jean shook his head. “You’re wrong. I did need to hear it. I was thinking of the same thing. Right before you came to visit Mikasa and me, I was having the same doubts. I thought it would be better to accept Floch’s plan, to let Eren do his thing and… and continue living my life, safe and happy. But then… I remembered Sasha’s smile and Marco’s kind eyes…”

“Marco?” Hange interrupted, cocking her head to the side with a curious look in my face.

“Oh, of course, you didn’t get to know him,” Jean looked away from her, feeling his eyes fill with tears once more. “He was with us in 104th, but… he died in Trost.”

“I’m so sorry,” Hange lowered her head. “That’s the boy you’ve mentioned before, right? When you punched Reiner?”

“Yeah,” Jean nodded, looking at his bruised knuckles.

“That was a good punch.”

“Should have hit him harder,” Jean protested. “That Titan freak will regenerate anyway.”

“Mm, I was kind of envious of you,” Hange commented, a mischievous grin appearing on her lips. “You can’t imagine how much I wanted to punch Magath’s stupid face.”

Jean couldn’t help it – he burst out laughing. “Then why didn’t you?”

“Ah,” Hange sighed. “I’m afraid that’s one of the many cons to being a Commander. Now I can’t go around screaming at people or threatening them with violence.”

“Mm, I remember, you were quite wild back in your days.”

“That I w— Wait!” Hange glared at Jean. “Back in my days!? Am I that old?”

“Of course, not,” Jean put on his best suave smile. “I’ll be honest, Commander, if I was a bit older, I’d have the biggest of crushes on you. Although, I don’t think it would have been reciprocated – I am not Ackerman, after all.”

“And neither am I,” Hange replied, her eyes darting to Mikasa, who was sleeping not that far from them.

Jean’s cheeks flamed up, but he decided not to hide his embarrassment. “Am I that obvious?”

“Not really,” Hange shrugged. “But I am quite observant. Couldn’t become a Commander if I weren’t. And don’t worry,” she hugged Jean by the shoulder, her other hand coming to ruffle his hair. “You are still young. You still have time to win her over.”

Jean chuckled, a warm feeling spreading through him. “Thank you for that talk. I really needed it. And… maybe, I won’t get another chance, so I wanted to say something to you. I know you don’t believe it, but you are a great Commander. You’re doing everything you can, and, even though, we’re in the deepest shit we’ve ever been, I’m not afraid, because I know you’ll be the one to lead us. I… really respect you and I’m honored to serve under your command.”

“Jean…” Hange swiftly pressed him to her chest, squeezing him tightly in her embrace. “Thank you,” she said with feeling. “It means a lot.”

Jean wanted to wave her off, to tell her that it’s nothing but the truth, but he was interrupted, when they heard a quiet grunting behind.

“I’m sorry,” Hange shot him an apologetic look. “It seems like my patient needs me. You should go and rest, by the way. Who knows when we’ll get the chance to do it next time.”

“Yeah, alright. Good night, Hange-san.”

She nodded and giving him one last smile, she turned to Captain Levi.

Jean searched for the spare sleeping bag, and when he found it, he lay down, closing his eyes. However, it didn’t seem like sleep was going to come easily to him. So he opened his eyes again, and watched Commander Hange and Captain Levi.

“Are you feeling any better?” Hange asked, starting to slowly and carefully unwrap Levi’s bandages.

“Not really,” he grumbled in reply. “How were negotiations? Had any success?”

“Not really,”Hange hummed. “But they’ve agreed to help and that’s all we really need from them. I wasn’t planning on becoming friends anyway. Now, come on,” she gently lifted Levi up, until he was half-sitting. “Let’s get you something to eat.”

As Jean continued to watch Hange and Levi out of the corner of his eyes, an image suddenly appeared in his mind.

He saw a small, but cozy cottage somewhere deep in the forest. Captain Levi is sitting on a porch, rocking in a chair with a cup of steaming tea in his hands. There is a small, but happy smile on his lips, as his eyes are focused on Hange-san, who was playing with two puppies or, maybe, she was chasing a couple of black-haired kids with big brown eyes? After finishing his tea, Captain Levi slowly gets to his feet and puts the cup down. He makes his way towards Hange-san, kissing her on the lips and taking her by the hand. He joins in on her fun, that same smile never leaving his lips and Hange-san’s laughter ringing through the woods.

And maybe— maybe, Jean will get to visit them. Maybe, if he’s extremely, extremely lucky, he won’t come all by himself. Maybe, a certain Ackerman will visit their superiors with him. And maybe, if Jean will become the luckiest man in this world, Mikasa will be holding a beautiful dark-haired girl by the hand, while Jean will be carrying a small boy in his arms.

Suddenly, and quite unfortunately, Jean’s fantasies were disturbed. A quite chuckle brought Jean back to Earth. As he turned around, meaning to send that person a mean glare, his eyes widened. Behind him was Mikasa. There was a soft, small smile on her lips as she watched Commander Hange and Captain Levi. As she saw that Jean was looking at her, her smile became bigger and her cheeks reddened ever so slightly.

Jean felt his own lips curving into a smile, as he gazed at Mikasa’s face.

He felt hope blossom inside his chest as his remembered Hange-san’s words. They were young. And even if their world had come to shit, maybe, they still had future.

And maybe, if he’s extremely lucky, Jean won’t be spending his future alone.

[yodawgiherd]

You Were Never Truly Gone ch2

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Well, you guys asked for it, so enjoy a few chapters of my post-canon world. Thank you all so much for the lovely comments/kudos, I appreciate every single one of you <3 So for you all, I'm writing this - The end that I would want for Eren and Mikasa :)

It was a beautiful day today. Looking over the waves at the rapidly approaching Paradis shore, Armin couldn’t keep the excited smile away from his face. Soon, he would be seeing Historia again, and they would work together to achieve peace. But that was not all, he reminded himself, fist clenching over the feather in his hand.

Today he would see Mikasa and remember Eren with her.

It would mark three years since the end of the war and his sacrifice, and Armin couldn’t help it – he felt anxious. Mikasa was doing great usually, she was her own person and not a shadow in the past. But this day, when all of them gathered around the grave to thank the person that saved them, was always a trial by fire. He would be there for her, he and everyone else, they would help her push past and return to her normal self. That he swore, both to himself and his dead best friend.

“What are you thinking about?”, Annie’s voice from behind made him jump a bit in surprise.

“N-Nothing. Or well, the anniversary I guess…”

“I could say, anytime you are worried you get a wrinkle.”, Annie reached out, tapping the center of Armin’s forehead, “Rrrrrright here.”

With a smile he swiped her hand with his own, letting their fingers intertwine. The edge of Annie’s engagement ring felt cold against his skin, reminding Armin of the day when he finally gathered his courage and asked her the question. It still felt surreal sometimes, that he was engaged to her. Too good to be true.

“Can you two stop being so disgustingly in love?”, Pieck appeared on the deck, “I don’t want to throw up.”

She lit up a cigarette, watching the shore grow closer. Armin was tempted to let go of Annie’s hand because of Pieck’s request, but she tightened the hold and wouldn’t let him. Yea, Annie was never the one to let herself be pushed around.

“Are the guys ready?”, Armin asked instead, “We will be meeting the queen soon.”

“Jean keeps styling his hair and Connie is teasing Reiner because of the letter sniffing.”, she let out a large puff, watching the smoke curl in the salty sea air, “But other than that, we are good to go.”

Their work was important. Being a group from both the scouts and warriors they were the peacemakers, the ones that kept traveling between the nations to try and keep the fragile ceasefire brought upon by Eren’s actions. Armin’s mood turned sour. Eighty percent of the world was destroyed and still, the leaders were at each other’s throats. The sacrifice gave them chance, but it didn’t magically fix everything, there was still a lot of work to be done.

When the ship finally pulled into a harbor the rest of their group stepped out of the cabin. Jean, looking slick as ever, Reiner tailed by smirking Connie. Pieck threw the cigarette butt into the ocean, dusting herself off before meeting Armin’s eyes.

“Shall we?”

He nodded, throwing the feather into the ocean too. Over the gangway and down, Armin took a moment to help Annie jump down, help she didn’t need but appreciated nevertheless. The others noticed of course, and Jean was the one who spoke up.

“You get engaged and suddenly you are a gentleman, is that it?”, he grinned, “Whipped even before marriage, what a way to go.”

“Ah, as if you are the one to talk.”, Pieck pushed past him with a smile of her own, “I’m pretty sure you weren’t working so hard on your hair for the “history books”, were you?”

“It’s not like that…”

Ignoring whatever excuse he tried to voice, Pieck joined Armin and Annie on the shore, and soon they were gathered again. Then it was finally time to walk over to where Historia was standing in front of her honor guard, flanked by Kiyomi on her right.

“Ambassador Arlert,” rang the queen’s voice, loud and clear, “It is my pleasure to welcome you back to the Paradis island.”

“It is an honor, your majesty.”, bowing deep, Armin was mirrored on both sides by his friends, and when he straightened there was a spark of amusement in Historia’s eyes.

But protocol was protocol.

“I’m sure that you must be tired after your journey,”, the queen said, “Join me for some refreshment.”

Not waiting for an answer, as she was the queen, Historia turned and walked in the direction of the large tent, her guard splitting flawlessly to let her pass. It was a demonstration of military discipline and an effective one at that, making Armin frown. So much death, and it was not enough.

As soon as they were inside, away from the public eye, Historia changed immediately. Throwing herself onto him, she hugged Armin tight, grinning like a maniac.

“I missed you so much!”, she practically squealed, pulling back to look at the others, “All of you too!”

Catching up felt like regressing towards the old times. Armin was almost tempted to say careless, but that was never the truth with them. There was always something – first the titans, then the rumbling, and now whatever this fragile peace was. But there would be time to worry later, so Armin relaxed instead, letting Historia’s cheerfulness infect him. They talked about everything, about Armin and Annie’s engagement and Historia admired the ring on Annie’s finger, modeled after the one with a secret blade she used to wear. Jean recounted the events of their travels after, all the cities that they visited, and all the wonders that they saw since their last meeting.

But then the stories were told and it was time to get down to business.

“Historia,”, Armin said,” how is the situation here?”

Her happy smile soured immediately.

“Bad. The army holds a very important position in the government, and they are not giving it up. The Yeagerists and growing with every single month and I have no idea how to stop them.”, she frowned, “Every time I’m in the city I swear that I can hear them chanting that Fight, Fight.”

“Do you think that they planning to overthrow you?”, Reiner spoke up, but Historia shook her head.

“No, they have no reason to. I am not much more than a puppet queen at this point, they have most of the control, and keeping me as a figurehead lets them work in the background.”

“Can’t Kiyomi help you?”, Pieck asked, “Hizuru military is recovering well, from what I’ve heard.”

“She could, but she is not going to.”

“Why is that?”

“Kiyomi wants Mikasa, she wants her to come to Hizuru, marry and become shogun’s wife, continue the bloodline.”, Historia was annoyed, and it showed in her voice, “She expects me to tie Mikasa up, stuff her in a shipping crate and send her against her will. The hag.”

It made sense that the queen was extra against anything like that, her being in similar situation years back.

“And since I told her that she can go stuff it and I would never force Mikasa into that, Kiyomi grew sort of cold towards me.”

She sighed.

“But we can talk about that tomorrow when the formal meeting happens. Today you guys have other plans.”

“That’s true.”, Annie nodded, “We have to see Mikasa.”

“And Eren.”, Connie added.

“I wish I could go with you, but unfortunately I have a lot to do before we meet tomorrow.”, Historia walked over to Armin, hugging him again, “Give her my love, okay?”

She moved over to the exit, only stopping to add: “And him too.”

With the queen gone the group left the shore, ignoring the stares of the soldiers. Some called them traitors, Armin knew, the Yeagerist faction condemned their peace-making efforts as cowardness.

“Hey,”, Annie squeezed his hand, “Don’t mind them. They are fools.”

He smiled at his girlf-… fiancé. Damn.

“I know, but they are fools with power, and that’s dangerous.”

“I wonder if they would be this warmongering if they knew what Eren’s true goal was.”, Jean said, “All he wanted was peace.”

“It’s not like we can tell them, they would never believe us.”, Pieck had a new cigarette hanging from her lips, the burning tip moving when she spoke, “To them, Eren was a God of War that paved the way to Paradis supremacy.”

They didn’t speak more after that, passing the soldiers and heading out of the harbor. The island nation had grown considerably in the three years, and buildings with concrete replaced the once green fields. Yet that didn’t go on forever, and before too long they were walking in nature’s embrace again.

“Maybe we should have taken a car,” Connie huffed as they walked, “Or a horse.”

“The exercise will do you good.”, Annie called over her shoulder with the typical cold expression.

“We do have a horse,”, Reiner tapped Jean’s shoulder, “Right here.”

“Hah, that was a good one, maybe you could make those jokes more often if you didn’t spend so long on sniffing the queen’s letters.”, Jean shot back.

Back and forth they bickered while Pieck smoked with an enigmatic smile, Armin and Annie leading the group while holding hands. There it was, the familiar field with trees, a lone hill in the middle. Excited to see Mikasa again, Armin let go of Annie and broke into a run, leaving his friends behind. They all ran like this, years back, with Eren in front and Mikasa right behind him, letting him take the lead. Armin was always hopelessly last in those races, but he never did mind hat. Now, he was the only one running.

Up and up, over the green grass and to the tree where Eren’s final resting place was. With a smile, Armin finally got high enough to get a view of that place, but the greeting shout on his lips died when he saw what was happening. Yes, Mikasa was indeed there, but that was not all. Far from it.

Stunned by the scene in front of him, Armin stared, watching the stranger kiss his friend with fervor. Their kissing was passionate and Mikasa was more than into it, her hands roaming all over the stranger's back. If that was not proof enough, Armin knew that she has the ears of a huntress and could easily hear him coming, but she was too deep in the moment to notice. Blushing slightly, feeling like he was intruding, Armin silently walked down the hill where the group just arrived, everyone looking at him with a question on their faces.

“What’s wrong?”, Reiner was the first one to speak, “Is Mikasa not there?”

“She is… it’s just…. I…”, Armin scratched the back of his neck, looking everywhere but not at his friends.

How was he supposed to explain this? Yet when Annie stepped closer, taking a hold of his cheek and forcing him to meet her gaze, her icy eyes speared right through and pinned him in place.

“Armin, what happened?”

Yeah, he could not hide the truth from her.

“Mikasa is there, but she’s not alone.”

“What are you talking about?”

“She is with… someone…”

Now everyone was speaking over one another.

“What?”

“Who?”

“What the…”

“Is she okay?”

“Is he…”

It would probably go on forever if Annie didn’t raise a hand, calming the mess. When they all fell silent, she fixed Armin with her famous stare, letting a single word fall from her lips.

“Talk.”

So, Armin took a deep breath. And talked.

“Mikasa is sitting near Eren’s grave but she’s not alone. She’s making out with someone, and from what I saw she’s enjoying it very much.”

A stunned silence followed, the cigarette falling from Pieck’s shocked mouth. Somewhere high overhead, a bird darted towards the endless horizon.

“Well, I… Uhm… Guess we should be happy that she’s finally moved on?”, the words were awkward, and Reiner knew that, but he pushed them out, “I’m glad that she.. you know... found someone?”

“I agree but does she have to do in front of Eren?”, Pieck said, her brows furled in a frown.

“That does not sound like her at all.”, Annie agreed.

“What, you guys think that he minds?”, Connie noted, “Like.. is he watching her or something?”

“It’s disrespectful, that’s what it is.”, Jean was staring at the tree, voice tense, “He doesn’t deserve that, having his girl kiss a stranger on his own grave.”

“Mikasa is not his girl,” Annie disagreed, “He doesn’t own her.”

“I didn’t mean it like that….”

“Regardless,” Pieck cut in, “I think that it would be best to let Mikasa speak for herself.”

Taking the lead, she took the first steps towards the tree.

“Let’s go.”, Annie agreed, following her friend.

Soon all of them were moving.

Mikasa was still there in the same position, Armin noticed, still in the arms of that stranger. His back was to them and her eyes were closed so she didn’t see them coming, immersed in the kissing, the whole situation made only worse by the small giggle that left her lips when the guy pulled back for a moment. Look, Armin loved seeing her happy, but watching it happen here felt… wrong.

The pair totally ignored them, lost in the kissing, neither of them noticing the group that was a few feet away from them. Finally fed up with it, Jean cleared his throat, loud enough for them to hear. Mikasa’s eyes shot open as she pulled back from the kiss, her cheeks reddening immediately. Her gaze shot between the stranger’s face and them, embarrassment evident.

Slowly, very slowly the guy untangled himself from her arms, standing up and pulling Mikasa to her feet too. Only then did he turn, and Armin’s mind went blank.

No.

There was a ghost in from of him. A blushing enemy of humanity with kiss-swollen lips that didn’t let go of Mikasa’s hand after helping her stand, keeping them linked. An island devil that looked at each and every member of their group with a fond smile. Next to that beast, Mikasa hid her face in the red scarf, eyes ticking between everyone. The grave was still there, Armin saw, the small headstone with those fond words on it, a few flowers lying on the patch of ground. And yet….

The dead man, the walking corpse, the impossible, he opened his mouth and spoke.

“Hey guys, long time no see.”

[yaboylevi]

After rereading the chapter with the official translation and looking at the timeline once again, I’ve been very confused by the timing of Hange and Magath’s meeting. The main problem is that we don’t know when exactly the Rumbling began, but I’d say that it probably happened in the afternoon, some hours before sunset.

This theory on Reddit really made me think about the timeline a lot... The theory speculates that Hange and Levi have received a different message in the Paths, at a different moment compared to the others, namely at night. This would explain why Hange and Levi identify the problem in Zeke only, not Eren. I have already thought of some potential counter-arguments for that theory (also thanks to the official translation - though I still have to check the Japanese version), so I’m not too sure it can be possible...still, the timeline is very confusing.

When Hange meets up with Magath&Pieck in chapter 125, the sun is setting, and it seems to be right after they have escaped the battlefield. The Colossals are still there, and the Marleyan airships are retreating.

But then Hange, after being transported into the Paths, says that half a day (12 hours?) has passed since Zeke and Floch headed for Shiganshina. Well, then it should've been night-time when Hange and Levi were in the forest. But when they get out of the forest it is still light outside. Sure, it could be the morning of the next day. Maybe we were just tricked by the sequence in chapter 125 (Connie and Falco riding in the sunset light - and right after that we have the Commanders' meeting). As Jean said he joined forces with Marley “the night before”, we would have another night where supposedly Hange and Pieck, etc got in contact with Jean&Mikasa. And also met with Connie, Armin, and Annie...But if this happened in less than 24hours, it was way too fast, based on how much spread out across Paradis everyone was.

Hence why I’m thinking 2 night could have passed. Let me break the timeline down. Btw, judging by their clothes, it seems autumn or spring so the hours of light should approximately be from 7AM to 7PM...probably.

Here’s a map of the walls:

DAY 1 - Afternoon (& DAY 2 - Morning)

Eren gave his brain radio signal a bit after the Rumbling started, let’s say around 4-5PM.

Connie and Falco rode into the sunset. He must have separated from the 104th at 4:30PM and we see him again at around 6PM riding with Falco. To get from Shiganshina to Ragako, Connie stopped for the night, and so he and Falco arrived in Rakago the next morning (approx 7-9AM?). So it took at least 13-16 hours, more or less, and they were riding slowly.

Armin and Gabi departed from Shiganshina a while after Connie left, let’s say 6:30PM, the sun hadn’t set yet. He then caught up with them in the morning. He didn’t stop to rest, so by horse at full speed, it should’ve taken...10-13 hours maybe?

If Mikasa&Co defeated the titans in one hour, then the discussion between Armin and Mikasa happened around 5:30PM, with Armin departing one hour after that, tops. After their fight, there should be still 1 hour and 30 minutes of light. Mikasa goes to see what Jean’s up to where Floch is.

Annie and Hitch meet in the late afternoon, the sun is setting while they ride out of Shiganshina. The next morning around lunchtime, in a place not specified, they meet Armin&Connie.

NIGHT 1

We see what all of the 104th and Hitch did that night in between the afternoon of DAY 1 and the morning of DAY 2. During this night they’re all in very different places. 

DAY 2

For Armin, Annie, Connie, Gabi, and Falco to get back to Shiganshina, since they stopped to eat in a village between Rakago and Shiganshina District, it must have taken more than 10 hours for them to reach Mikasa. Let’s say 12-13 hours? So if they departed from Rakago at like 9-10AM, this would mean they got to Shiganshina when it was night already.

During the morning, we see Mikasa helping out as a doctor, she talks to Louise. The flow of the chapter seems to imply this is the same morning Armin met with Connie, but we can’t be 100% sure. It would make sense though.

I can really only make a guesstimate for this as well, but...The last Colossals leave Shiganshina at around 11AM (?). A bit after that, Floch talks to his Yeagerists. Later on, let’s say 2PM, Floch tries to execute Yelena and Onyankopon, but the plan concocted between Pieck, Hange, Jean, Armin, Mikasa etc is already ongoing. How is this possible if it should've taken a lot more for Armin to get back to Shiganshina? Hence why, imo, another day passed that we didn’t see. So 2 nights. 

If this is the case, it would explain why, when Hange and Magath met, the Colossals were still marching in Paradis: it was the afternoon of DAY 2, and they later on contacted Jean&CO during the second night. It doesn’t align with Armin’s timeline, though, and it wouldn’t make sense for Magath and Pieck to be stranded in the middle of nowhere without food or water for 24hours. (I have a headache, can you tell?)

Now, let’s analyze Hange’s timeline!

Zeke: he and Floch left the Forest of Giant Trees and 12 hours later, Hange and Levi got the radio message from Eren. They talk for a bit, Hange finishes the cart for Levi, straps him on it and they exit the forest. Meet with Pieck&Magath. It is afternoon, the sun is setting (7PM?). If we count backward, keeping the Rumbling+Eren’s message at 4-5PM, then Zeke blew himself up at 4AM that day, which is impossible, as there was daylight when the storm cleared up.

The Forest of Giant Trees on the map seems to be at least a bit closer to Shiganshina. At full speed, it might’ve taken 7 hours to Zeke and Floch to reach the battlefield in Shiganshina. Let’s say the battle lasted 1 hour since their arrival. It means Hange saved Levi at around 8-9AM. It checks out, because Zeke made himself explode a bit after sunrise, I’d say, during a rainstorm.

So, actually, Hange’s timeline doesn’t check out, imo. According to it:

8AM Hange finds Levi

3PM Zeke reaches Shiganshina

4-5PM Rumbling starts, Eren video calls everyone.

8PM (12 hours later finding Levi) Hange and Levi got a paths-call from Eren. (Night 1)

After a while, they exit the forest and it’s (still? already?) afternoon.

If they had gotten Eren’s message at 5PM(?) like everyone else, Zeke should’ve blown himself up at 5AM (12 hours prior). But when, right after that, the skies cleared up, it was already well into the day.

Also, I fear I am already putting the Rumbling too late during the day, but if it happened even before 4-5PM, then Hange’s timeline above (”half a day has passed”) really doesn’t make sense, IF WE WERE TO BELIEVE THAT HANGE AND LEVI HAVE MET UP WITH MAGATH AND PIECK THE SAME DAY THE RUMBLING STARTED AND ZEKE BLEW UP.

It would’ve taken a really long time for Hange to get from the forest to the outskirts of Shiganshina where Pieck and Magath are, considering Hange was transporting an injured person on a (poorly) self-made cart-thing, so they must have ridden slowly. How can it still be the afternoon of the first day? Unless the river current brought them a lot closer to Shiganshina than expected and they were resting in a different, smaller forest. 🤷

Hange must have taken track of how much time passed by looking at the sky, which imo must’ve been already pretty late if Hange could tell 12 hours had passed when they got Eren’s message.

So, if Hange&Levi received a message from Eren (?) at night, finished the cart, rested for the remainder of the night because heck, Hange must’ve been exhausted, and the next day met with Magath, it would’ve made sense. But:

The Colossals are still there during their meeting, so it must have been the same day? Because the citizens said the last few titans left inhabited areas on what I guessed was DAY 2, I’d say between sunrise and midday.

Then again:

Jean says they joined forces with Marley the night before. But Armin’s group couldn’t have been in Shiganshina by that morning/early afternoon (the timing the Floch-Jean scene seems to happen) because it would’ve taken them longer (11+ hours) to get to where Mikasa and Jean were. Armin’s group were also taking their sweet time, as Gabi states there was no rush, since Reiner would be sleeping for 2-3 days.

So MY CONCLUSIONS ARE:

- If only one night has passed between the start of the Rumbling and the SC teaming up with Magath, then that theory can’t be. But the timing of everyone reuniting doesn’t make any sense, unless they literally teleported around the island.

- If two nights have passed between those 2 main events, then the timing is correct, and the theory could be onto something. In this case, we haven’t seen what the main cast did for one whole night, which was skipped. Considering a LOT of very important interactions were skipped, that’s possible. But it wouldn’t make sense for Eren to deliver the message to everyone, except Hange-Levi, and later give only them a different one. Unless...? ;)

- Ultimately, I suppose it could be a continuity mistake, or there could be a different explanation in the next chapter(s).

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 118 Thoughts

Zeke gets shot, Falco gets a hug, everyone who makes sense is out of jail, and for a brief time, everyone is united in being perfectly fine fucking Marley right the fuck up.

Minus the characters who live there.

But all told, for the first time in months, it’s a happy chapter. :)

:)

:)

In a rare turn of events, I think I’m going to specifically aim to talk about things out of order. I say this with no real sense of how I usually construct these posts, I just make blanket assumptions about how they’ve probably gone in the past without corroboration.

SO WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT CUTE KIDDOS HAVING FEELINGS AND BEING DUMB.

The ones who aren’t legal adults, to be clear on the definition of ‘kiddo’ as used here.

Falco.

Gabi.

You get to go back to the hellscape that is your brainwashed existence, I’m so happy for you both.

The complications of Falco and Gabi fighting so hard to return to a world that doesn’t give a damn about them are things that... honestly, I just don’t want to do that this month. It’s a disaster. Marley’s fucked. Paradis is fucked. No one cares about the right things. Every decision is going to blow up in everyone’s face.

But Falco gets a hug from his big brother.

The youngest characters we’ve followed through this are treated with kindness.

This whole chapter is a breath of relief in the sea of unending horrors that we’ve been dragged through to get here. More on the rest later, but for the moment, we’ve got the two little ones.

Nile doesn’t even hesitate to treat Falco as a child before an enemy.

In the outside world, a man Falco tries to help is scared of being touched by him because he’s an Eldian.

Sasha’s family is still worried about the two little Marleyans they picked up and lived with for a time.

After first contact, no one needs to tell Colt not to shoot Nile. He calls the man who hands his brother over “the enemy,” and is shocked by Gabi’s actions, but Colt runs with Gabi and Falco without looking back.

Nile doesn’t follow.

Nile’s the sort of man who looks at Falco and thinks this assault might be about saving a little boy.

Colt’s the sort of young man who thinks Falco being someone who might be affected by Zeke’s scream is somehow relevant to whether or not it happens.

This story, lately, has been relentlessly cruel.

Gabi and Falco run away from home on a suicide mission to avenge and protect their loved ones after they witness the ruthless destruction of their home. Gabi watches people trying to protect her get gunned down. Falco, the kind boy who delivers letters for a wounded soldier, is the spark that enables the entire tragedy.

They reach Paradis, end up in jail because no one knows what to do with them, escape, and have to live under the constant pressure of their guilt and worldview being challenged. The destruction of Reiner’s psyche that takes a sustained undercover operation over the course of years is inflicted on Gabi in weeks, and Falco has to watch the girl he likes suffer over crimes that he aided.

Gabi watches Falco help her over and over again, and when things really start crashing down, there’s not a thing she can do for him.

They’re separated from everything they know and everyone they love, and then each other.

They make their way back to each other.

The world looks at these two tiny, traumatized children, and refuses to let anything happen to them. The world takes Gabi’s hate and uncomplicated joy in being a good Warrior and deconstructs it with kindness. The world takes a little boy like Falco, who only ever tried to help people, and lets him find his brother.

The reveal of Falco being the one who helps Eren isn’t a mark of betrayal. It’s a shared bond of pain that comes from good intentions being unfairly manipulated by people who didn’t care to be kind.

So they’re at least kind to each other.

In a tiny pocket of all this violence, things aren’t complicated. There’s a little girl and a little boy, and they deserve safety. A child who grew up in an internment camp designed to manufacture and slaughter Eldian children dreams of a world where the girl he likes won’t die, and they’ll get married and be happy.

Falco has always been kind and stable to the point of parody, but that’s honestly fine. Good. That should be allowed to exist, even if it doesn’t make total sense. The good things should be allowed to survive.

Gabi’s arc here ends with the realization that her hurt isn’t all there is to the world. Other people--other sides have their own, and they aren’t evil for that. They aren’t devils.

Falco’s trip to Paradis ends with him finally confessing why he followed Gabi to begin with.

There is something so sweet to the way Falco describes it. I hope it’s a faithful translation, because it’s my favorite thing this series has done in some time.

It isn’t just about Gabi not dying. It isn’t just about her having a long life. It isn’t just about them getting married.

Falco’s dream is for the girl he likes to be happy forever. He likes her, but the core of his dream is that she’ll live as long as she wants, and she’ll be happy through all of it.

Nothing Falco has seen in this world should give him hope for any of that.

He hopes for it anyway.

And Gabi rips off his armband.

The Yeagerists’ perverse mirror of what Marley has always done to them--what Gabi has accepted into her life in her fierce chase of changing it--and Gabi rips it off.

Their world isn’t kind. It’s cruel, and harsh.

People are kind to them.

That’s the only thing that saves them.

Naturally, it’ll be devastating when the bad things keep on coming for them, and no, sorry, this is not their finale, it’s just the finale of all the potential happiness they can have, but for right now.

For right now, kids shouldn’t be on the battlefield. So everyone fighting tries to get them out of it.

Look.

Standards.

We spend time with characters with standards this chapter.

It’s. It’s so strange. What is this.

Also, the fact that our time is spent on this instead of letting Eren and Zeke touch makes me astoundingly nervous for what’s coming next. There are very. I don’t want to say few. Uh. There are, thanks to the Founding Titan, potentially many ways for things to end not poorly.

I would say the likelihood of any of them traveling smoothly is. nil.

For instance, the entire scheme Armin concocts to explain away Eren’s behavior in this! Sounds good, sounds nice. Sounds destructive, sounds impulsive. Sounds vaguely understandable by the horrifying standards we’ve come to expect.

Sounds okay. Ish.

Still involves Eren sparking a national incident that brings a big army into their island so they can kill them all using a destructive power we’re only kind of confident in him using safely.

With the side effect of all his friends being in the splash zone.

I realize that even Armin’s kind of on the fence on that making real sense, but it’s not a bad explanation for everything. Eren’s backed into a corner when Yelena does her reveal. He’s held hostage by it, but hey, by playing along, he’s found a way to make things okay.

Even in that elaborate AU Armin came up with on the spot--

--things remain less than good.

Unless we consider most of the MPs and other top brass, the majority of veterans, and assorted civilians turning into titans and possibly dying--unless we consider all of that a good thing.

There’s a school of thought where Eren can just magic touch everything back to Okay, but the levels of Not Okay being pounced in with reckless abandon are a bit. uh. geez, what’s the word...

Bad?

There is a very good chance that this is all very bad, and running might be in their best interests.

In the non-AU version, all of Eren’s friends are scrambling to keep him alive because he has fucked them all over so horribly that literally their only chance at not dying slow (or very fast), brutal deaths comes from protecting the fucker who fucked them over.

And Armin, realizing this, digs down deep to try and find some of that good ol’ fashioned Friendship Power to bullshit all of them into agreeing to this plan of attack for reasons beyond generously optimistic pessimism.

While kind of wondering if Eren maybe wasn’t kidding about killing everyone.

Armin’s whole role in this chapter is embracing a truth that he secretly thinks might be a lie so that his friends have a prayer of feeling positive about this fuckery.

You’re trying so hard, Armin.

I am so sorry for you.

And Connie.

Like, good grief. Falco gets a hug. Someone needs to give Connie a hug. There’s been a serious shortage of Connie hugs since Sasha died, and I realize how that works, but it should really go the other way around.

Realistically, I am so happy that Connie’s the one who’s at his breaking point. He’s always been a team player, and over and over, it turns out that the people he thought had his back weren’t on his team. He’s a simple guy. This is a simple problem.

So, simply, fuck everyone who has anything to do with it.

Connie is Best Boy.

Onyankopon’s okay too.

This is the meta commentary on Yelena qualifying as a serial killer that we deserve. She is so great. All of you new characters with your new disasters are so great.

It’s a little on the nose, because bless this series, it is not subtle about most things, but thank you Onyankopon for injecting some hecking positivity in this here jail cell.

The concept of a future has been humanity’s fight all along. A better world.

Then Paradis met the rest of the world, and was all, “o fuck.”

“o fuck,” has interlaced every inch of the plot in the current day. Whatever hope there was, Eren’s decisions in Liberio tarnished them, and the rise of the Yeagerists threw it into the trash.

This chapter is kind enough to bring it back.

This is what the heroes of this world do.

They look at the impossible odds, and choose to fight. Because to do otherwise means that this is the way the world stays. This is what they’re left with, and that is unacceptable.

We’ve strayed a bit from that point, lately. It’s a relief to have it back in plainspeak.

Then there’s Mikasa, and. Aaaaah.

Armin only truly starts championing the possibility that Eren can still be a force for good when Mikasa comes back to his words about her Ackerman blood. Really, I think he does it for both of them. He refuses to believe Mikasa’s life doesn’t belong to her, so Eren has to be lying, so things have to be salvageable.

Mikasa knows him too well. She knows there’s room for doubt.

She leaves her scarf behind.

Mikasa is someone of great principle. She has a deep sense of responsibility that has been present from day one. She takes charge of Eren. She takes charge of other recruits. She feels the weight of the entire world, and fights for it. Her focus on her family has never made the burdens everyone shoulders disappear in her mind.

I don’t think she has a better explanation for why she can’t let go of Eren than the one he’s provided.

He’s killed children. He, by Connie’s word, laughs when he’s told about Sasha’s death. He abandons them and runs off on his own, risking all of their lives. He spits hateful vitriol at them and throws them in prison, where they would have likely died without someone going behind his back.

How can wanting to protect someone like that be natural?

Her very first argument to Eren is that he wrapped the scarf around her. When the world went cold, he brought warmth and a home back to her.

How does that compare to what he’s done recently?

How could she feel warm at all when she just watched Eren murder people? How, when by his command, she killed for the first time?

She has a genetic predisposition to comply with something like that.

Doesn’t that make more sense than loving this monster?

Children are dead.

Eren killed them.

Her first instinct is still to protect him.

That can’t possibly be right.

Mikasa doesn’t defend monsters. She slays them. That’s who she is.

If she’s defending this one, there must be a reason. Something deeper than just loving her family with all her heart.

To which I’ll say, for my personal stance... sorry, Mikasa. Your love does run that deep. It’s always been at war with your principles. Protecting Eren and Armin at the expense of everything else has always put you in pain. Being willing to let Armin go during the Serum Bowl is almost as agonizing to her as watching him die.

Mikasa’s strongly held principles and strongly held love have always been in conflict, but in the background. In side remarks about overprotectiveness, interspersed with her guilt over what that overprotectiveness has led to.

Eren’s cruelty gives her the excuse.

Here’s how she can be both; one isn’t real.

Whether she fully believes it or not, it’s what makes sense, for a person like her. She shouldn’t still care so much for the fate of this monster. Caring so much is why Reiner is still alive. Caring so much is why Bertolt lived long enough to char Armin to a crisp.

Mikasa learns. Always.

She should be fast enough at taking down the monsters now that they can’t hurt anyone first.

In case I’m not putting this clearly enough, Mikasa is better than anyone in the history of ever, to the point that even she can’t believe how strongly she hold on to things.

And my last comment on the chapter is that Yelena and Armin’s song and dance continues to be firing at max cringe on every cylinder, one of you drop the pleasantries and pull a gun already.

It’s funny, but in the way Jean pretending to be a knife-wielding maniac is funny.

Just stab each other like normal enemies. Please.

So since things are hitting the boiling point here, I guess next month we’re doing a shift in perspective?

Levi and Hange try out their Super Mario 64 skills in not drowning. The results my surprise you.

Nothing good can come from any of this, but you know? Falco and Gabi got to be cute. Plus Colt and Falco hugged. It could and has been worse.

[humanitys-shortest-sassmaster]

EMA conflict full text translation by yours truly

Four sit at the table, Armin, Eren, Mikasa, and Gabi. all have their hands on the table

Armin: Was that Floch’s voice? Are he and the others here?

Eren: Yes.

Eren: I wanted to talk to you guys. I want to speak about it quietly. Battles aren’t necessary to resolving the issue with Eldia. Hanji and the others are fine, we just had them moved from here.

Armin: …

Armin: We’re actually the ones who wanted to speak with you. We wanted to know what you are thinking. Why you decided to go to Marley and attack on your own. If you truly won over Zeke and Yelena.

Eren is silent.

Eren: I am free.

Armin: …

Armin: What?

Armin and Mikasa stare at Eren.

Eren: Whatever I do, whatever I decide, it is all of my own free will.

Armin: You secretly met with Yelena on the night of the railroad opening ceremony, didn’t you? Was that of your own free will?

Eren: Yes.

Mikasa: No. You’re being deceived.

 Eren looks at Mikasa emptily.

Mikasa: You aren’t the kind of person who involves the lives of innocent civilians and children who have nothing to do with the conflict with an enemy nation. You’ve thought of us and cared for us more than anyone else… Haven’t you? You, who saved me when I was kidnapped. You, who wrapped me in this scarf because you are kind, isn't that so?

Mikasa rose from her chair to say this, clutching her scarf. Eren stares are her cooly.

Eren: I told you to keep your hands on the table, didn’t I?

Mikasa looks hurt and sits down, placing both of her hands back on the table.

Eren: I hid in Liberio to speak with Zeke, one-on-one, as brothers. I learned quite a bit then. Zeke has more knowledge than Marley is aware of.

Gabi appears surprised by this.

Eren: Armin. You still visit Annie, don’t you?

Armin: !!

Eren: Is that your conscious who is visiting? Or is it Bertolt’s?

Armin: !! W-what?

Eren: People are shaped by their memories. And you have his. Part of you has become Bertolt. An enemy soldier with romantic feelings for another enemy solder has considerably impacted your judgment. As one of the Nine Titans, you bear the duty as an officer of Eldia.

Eren looks at a shocked Armin coldly and continues.

Eren: You’re supporting the enemy. Armin, you didn’t used to be someone so lax and naïve. You had always been the one with the determination to lead us to the correct decisions. And yet now your favorite phrase to rattle off is, “Let’s talk it out?” That shit’s no fucking use to anyone. Armin, your mind has been compromised by Bertolt. The one being deceived by the enemy is you.

Armin is stunned. Mikasa speaks up in his silence.

Mikasa: Eren!! What is it that you want to do?

Eren: I just wanted to discuss how nothing gets in the way of freedom more than ignorance. I also learned about the Ackerman clan. The reason behind your strength, Mikasa.

Mikasa: !?

Eren: It turned out that Marley scholars knew next to nothing about titans, but they did know something else.  Within the long history of Eldian Empire has been experimentally tinkering and playing around with The People of Ymir. By sheer chance they created something in the form of a human that brings out the strength of titans, the Ackerman clan. Most importantly, the Ackerman clan possess the drive to protect the royal family, as they were designed to. They possess an innate mechanism where a host is recognized, and in that instant the instinct to fulfill their purpose for their host is incorporated into their blood.

Mikasa: …

Mikasa: What?

Eren: In other words, the reason for your attachment to me. The Ackerman trait is in effect.

Eren: When you were in an extreme situation potentially facing death, you heard my order.

Eren: “Fight.”

Eren: When those various conditions are met, the instinct of Ackerman blood is awakened. Physical abilities are pushed beyond their confines, but it’s not only that. The previous accumulated Ackerman clan combat experiences are accessed with Paths, leading to greater combative knowledge. I had coincidentally been viewed as a host to escort, or so the illusion went.

Mikasa: That’s not true. Eren: Not true? What isn’t?

Mikasa: It wasn’t… coincidental. Because… Because you’re Eren. I got stronger for Eren. Because of you…

Eren: It’s common that an Ackerman who has awakened their trait experiences sudden headaches. It happens when there is something resisting or preventing protection of the host. Sound familiar?

Mikasa: N-no.

Mikasa denies, looking physically pained.

Eren: In essence, the original Mikasa herself… Disappeared in that mountain cabin at the age of nine.

Eren: What was left of you was the loyal Ackerman instinct.

Mikasa: You’re wrong… I…

Eren: Losing their original self. Simply a clan meant to follow orders. That is, a slave.

Armin: Eren, stop!!

Eren: Don’t you know what I hate most in this world?

Eren: Those in ignorance. Or livestock.

Armin: Eren!!

Eren: When I’d see it around me, I’d become so pissed off that it was unbearable. But I finally understood the reason. I couldn’t stand to see someone obeying orders without a second thought. Eren: Mikasa. Ever since I was a child… I’ve hated you. Armin leaps up, lunging for Eren.

Armin: Eren! How dare you- Armin is slammed onto the table by Mikasa.

Armin: …Mikasa?

Mikasa: ?!

Eren: Just like that, that’s how you’ve been living, responding with your Ackerman blood.

Eren: That’s all you are.

Mikasa: That’s- that’s not true…

Armin: Aaaaaah!

He lunches, and punches Eren square in the face.

Yeagerists run in at the commotion.

Yeagerist: Mr. Yeager!

Eren: It’s nothing.

Eren: Armin, in the past, we never fought, had we? Armin grits his teeth and goes for another strike, Eren counters him.

Eren: Do you know why, Armin? Because it wouldn’t be much of a fight of me against you.

Eren hits Armin, who falls to the ground.

Mikasa: Please… stop.

Eren: I had told you from the beginning, I will tell you where Zeke is. So settle down and come with us.

Eren speaks to the Yeagerist now in the room

Eren: Take them with you.

Yeagerist: Yes, sir.

Eren: Take the kid who killed Sasha, too.

A bloodied Armin is helped up by Mikasa.

Armin: And? What is it you wanted to say? Is hurting Mikasa the freedom you claimed? Who is bastard salve who succumbed?

Eren is angered.

Eren: Who is the slave?

Eren: We’re going.

Armin: Where?

Eren: To Shiganshina, where it all started.

[sparda3g]

Attack on Titan Chapter 116 Review

Season 3 Part 2 of the anime is almost here. Before the epicness kicks off, the manga is getting ready for its own kind. The last chapter had the fans all riled up with twists and turns, including Levi’s unconfirmed status. Is he alive or dead? If you skim through this chapter, you won’t find the answer. Your suffering will have to continue. In the meantime, it’s time to raise some hell and this chapter undoubtedly achieved it. This was a hell of an appetizer that got me incredibly starving for the main course.

The last chapter ended with Pieck made her surprise entry after killing a poor security guy. Sucks to be him, but he signed up for it. Now, we have a heated confrontation with Eren, which is something I didn’t expect from Pieck, but it’s welcoming. Besides, she’s pretty amusing with her words about how she’s going to handle her business. Even when Eren trying to talk her down, she is goofing off, essentially mocking him like she has nothing to lose. Eren doesn’t take the joke well, so he goes straight to point, tyranny style.

He is overly confident that she won’t shoot because this goes against the Marley’s mission to retrieve Founding Titan. He is so certain that he put his head on the hose, daring her to shoot him. Eventually, she gives up, not cut out to deal with this crap. I would have laugh so hard if she did shoot. It is worth mentioning Gabi grabs a rifle from the dead guard, though conflicted with her inner turmoil. She could shoot without thinking straight, which Pieck picked up right away. Good call. What’s an odd call though is her wish to ally with Eren. I sensed an act, but she can seriously act.

The scene goes into intermission as it jumps to the jail cell with Armin, Mikasa, and others. I find it amusing how Nicolo, Braus’ Family, and others are trying to make the best out of their position, while Connie wondering if this is their new life now. Seems like safe haven to me, especially later on. It goes without saying that Armin can shift to Colossus to break free, but he can’t shift specifically like just an arm or size. Basically, Armin can escape alone or stay with the rest; obviously the latter is his choice.

Jean asks about Armin’s confrontation with Eren. Armin told him about the beatdown and Mikasa getting insulted. Now, I thought Jean was about to push their button and go all righteous to say, “Eren is truly the devil. Never trust that man!” That’s more of Connie’s role. Instead, he comes off more thoughtful and mature. His intention isn’t to make Eren look bad, rather expose some underneath agenda. In other words, Eren may have a reason to push them away that isn’t damaging or insulting. Mikasa looks like she has found a new hope. I have a hunch as well, even though the act was very convincing and cruel. The question is, what is it?

Yelena arrives to the cell like she owns the place. Damn, her ego is truly ugly the more she appears. Onyankopon has changed side, which enraged Connie. I see it more of him trying to prevent death from the lunatic that is Yelena. He knows her story. Plus, didn’t he assist Hange before in a way? Well, it doesn’t stop Jean talking smack out of them with words to make them look selfish and pathetic. He has shown a real leadership, so color me impressed. While we can speculate if Onyankopon is bad or not, we can easily establish Grior is a complete asshole.

He is the guy who you really want to see him get the worst possible death. He bashes heavily on the late Sasha in front of Nicolo, let alone the family. He calls her names, such as whore, and he was hoping Nicolo would shut the hell up about her, but even after her demise, there’s no stopping. It’s called love, dipshit. Then, Yelena, without hesitation or warning, shoots Grior right through the head. She may be insane, and this one does show, this was pleasantry. She did so because the new dawn is upon them, so hatred must end. Yeah, psycho talk. I got to say, that detailed splattered brain is gruesome though.

Yelena is ready to tell Zeke’s plan to the guys, but the scene shifts back to Eren and Pieck. I find those two confrontation appealing due to how Pieck is able to convince him to give her a chance. I can see why the fans like her and this chapter has certainly increase her likability. She wants Marley to be wiped out to free her family. There’s a small backstory and it’s good enough to justify her reason to join the military. She did it to get her father, her only family, the medical treatment he needed. It’s cruel considering that shifter titan shorten a user’s lifespan. In short, Pieck may die first. Tragic.

Gabi is still lost, confused, and torn up prior to this event, so you can expect her turmoil continue to escalate. I do feel bad for her, so this doesn’t help. She can’t handle another traitor like Zeke, but Pieck is persuading her to open her eyes and see the clear picture. Acting or not, she makes a very convincing argument. The world is changing. Once titans become irrelevant, Marley may lose their morale and turn against it. Why wait for tragedy when you can clear the way for peace. This convince Eren to give her a chance to prove her worth.

The way how Eren uses his finger is intimidating. Maybe it’s the aura or the gesture that makes it convincing. Pieck has one way to prove her allegiance: rat her former comrades out. She would need to get on the roof and point at the location of their whereabouts. That way, Eren will be satisfied. The best girl has become a traitor. I am heart broken, and so are her fans back at home. Surely, this will all go well. Right?

The scene shifts back to the cell after Yelena explained the plan. I wasn’t sure if she is aware of Zeke’s true intention, but this confirms that she does. The reactions are interesting to say the least. Jean and others thought it’s insane to halt the birth rate for Eldians, forcing them to go extinct by age. Yelena is cool about it because of course she is. They still need to do the Rumbling plan, but since Historia is pregnant, the plan is going all accordingly. Yelena shows her sanity diminishing for she is certain Zeke and Eren can make it happen. That look on her face says it all.

The main takeaway is Armin’s reaction. He’s crying because he was “moved” by this plan. She approves his agreement. He is such a good liar. I admit that I was a little confused on why would he react, but the timing makes sense. The plan goes against Eren’s wish. Once Armin heard this plan, he can relax and be thankful that Eren most likely have another agenda in mind. This is a theory, but it makes the most sense. If true, then Jean’s suspicious of Eren’s action would be validated as the direction for Eren’s best friends to reconsider. This may have renew their hope. That or Armin is laughing in tears for her delusion. Either way, I like it. But that speculation can wait; it’s time for the unnerving, intense hell-raising moment.

The Yeagerists are called up for an emergency; that includes Yelena. Everyone there is preparing for infiltrators. They all have to thank Pieck for this. She has been great so far, even if she did change side. I like how she has been acting like a big sister to Gabi, who pretty much need guidance at the moment. I really like how the faction watches her walking with Eren, and she greets them like she’s part of the family. She is simply trolling and I love it. I think some guys adore her though. She is good.

Although it’s confirmed that Falco is a victim to Zeke’s spinal fluid a while ago, this time, Gabi and Pieck learns it from Eren. This put a dent to their mood. Not only Gabi is lost with her stance, but now she is feeling guilty. What a day this has been for her. Glad Pieck is around to comfort her. Speaking of her, she really is intelligent to pick up her suspiciousness of Zeke way back in the last arc. She had a hunch that Zeke had a hidden agenda of his own, only to expose truthfully when he met with Eren. Small details really are important in this series. Oh, and I love the small jab at Yelena from her. She is gold in this chapter.

Now here comes the heart-pounding moment. They’re at the roof; the moment of reveal is here. The far distant view gives me a chilling sensation of hell is about to break loose. You can already sense the tension is rising. This is literally do or die. Eren is set to kill her if it’s a lie. He’s prepared like, “Don’t make me use my finger.” To think, that is the most intimidating sight. Yelena is desperate to kill her after that jab. All it was missing was the Dark Knight soundtrack, when the Joker say, “And here…we…go!” It’s that tensed.

Before fate is decided, Gabi is in her greatest fear yet. Pieck holds her hand and smile to say, “Everything will be okay.” That was so sweet; a true big sister Gabi needs. She’s definitely MVP of the chapter. But it doesn’t stop there. It’s time to decide her fate. She points her finger at the enemy and that enemy is Eren. “It’s a trap!” The Jaw Titan rise from the grave (okay, not really) and chop down Eren’s leg. Damn! Take that! Never thought I would be happy to see Jaw Titan. Look at Yelena’s face. Where’s your God now? That didn’t stop Eren as he shifts into Titan. The intensity level is off the chart.

Pieck has performed a convincing act, though not everything she said was a lie. She doesn’t trust Marley and she wants to free Eldians. However, she prioritize her friends over everything. She will never backstab them. She is true MVP. Marley’s reinforcements via airships arrive and by God, Reiner is there, ready for another round. Only this time, he is determined to fight. It is pure madness.

This was an intense calm before storm chapter; I don’t know if that make any sense. The depth of these characters continued to impress. The emotional conflict was thrilling. Pieck was gold as a whole; from calming Gabi to fooling Eren and others, even if they didn’t trust her. The point is she got everyone gathered up for annihilation. The tension was bone-chilling with solid and tensed visual sequences. The cliffhanger got me damn excited for the next chapter. The best part is only the Yeagerists are going to action while others are basically going to replicate the magazine cover; the one with the cast playing cards. Have fun with the war, idiots. Hell has arrived.

[arlingtonpark]

SNK 111 Review

Milkshake Duck Edition

 “This subversive anti-corps organization shall be known as the Yeagerists.”

Dude, Eldian Freedom Caucus. That name is so much better.

So, the EFC really cares about Eldia. Cool. Here is why that’s racist:

First off, let’s establish here that Eren is basically a racist. He believes there are intractable differences between the races and that peaceful coexistence is impossible. What’s more, he seemingly supports restoring the Eldian Empire. This could be construed as supporting the restructuring of the global racial hierarchy so that Eldians are the dominant race again. That’s racist.

Racism is a commonly misunderstood term. Racism is a system of inequality built around the concept of race. It is not just prejudice. Racism is also an ideology. It is the idea that there are meaningful differences between groups of people (i.e. races exist) and that society should be hierarchically structured to reflect those differences. But racism also has another important component to it: power in society. Racism does not just hurt the dominated. It helps the dominators, the dominant race in society. In the United States, white people benefit from racism even as white people are occasionally the targets of racial prejudice. This is because the ideology of racism, which is pervasive in our culture, structures society so that benefits are accrued to them at the expense of other races.

Presently in the world of Attack on Titan, there is a globalized racial hierarchy that places Eldians at the bottom. But previously, the Eldians were at the head of an empire that dominated the world. But then, in a totally ridiculous chain of events, I’m sure, society was dramatically restructured basically overnight so that Eldians were at the bottom of the food chain. In this context restoring the Eldian Empire can only be understood as restoring Eldians to their former place at the top of the racial hierarchy.

That’s. racist.

The EFC is an inherently racist group fighting an inherently racist cause. Floch is a racist. Zeke is a racist. Grisha was a racist. That girl Mikasa saved and then threw in the slammer is a racist. They’re all racists.

And Eren has chosen to stand with them. He is a racist de facto if not de jure.

It is worth noting there are similarities between Eren’s view of race relations and the proto-racist views of the 18th century.

“Deep rooted prejudices entertained by the whites; ten thousand recollections, by the blacks, of the injuries they have sustained; new provocations; the real distinctions which nature has made; and many other circumstances, will divide us into parties, and produce convulsions, which will probably never end but in the extermination of the one or the other race.”

-Thomas Jefferson, on why he rejected the notion of whites and blacks living peacefully together.

This was bullshit when Jefferson said it and it is bullshit when Eren says it. The races can coexist. Obviously. Things are somewhat complicated by the fact that there are real biological differences between Eldians and the rest, but even that doesn’t make things intractable. Eldians only transform under specific, inordinate circumstances. Widespread public advocacy can educate the public to this fact.

And unfortunately the possibility that Eren is not just pretending to support the EFC’s cause but actually genuinely believes in it cannot be ruled out. It is entirely believable that Eren is a racist person. The reason Eren would support restoring the Empire would probably have something to do with his dominance centric mindset. Eren sees the world in terms of the dominators and the dominated. As such he believes you have to be strong in order to protect what you care about because that’s the only way to be safe from the domination of others. In the case of the Eldian race, that means restoring the Empire and Eldian global hegemony with it. This naturally also means Eren believes conflict is inevitable and unavoidable.

In this way, Eren’s ideology would be no different from your typical racist asshole, from your racist neighbor all the way on up to Adolf Hitler himself: racial conflict is inevitable (indeed, the defining aspect of human history) and the only way to win the war of the races is to be strong and dominate others.

Eren has an insular, possibly racist, worldview. This worldview informs his belief in Paradis’ impending doom and because he views the Survey Corps as being “soft on Marley,” he commits an act of insubordination, murders innocent civilians in the process, and drags his country into war. In multiple posts I’ve called on the series to make it clear that Eren’s actions were immoral and now we know where the series stands on the issue.

Not only is Eren a hero for what he did, the series casts him as a visionary ahead of his time!

While everyone else was dragging their feet, he was the one who acted (because he’s a nationalist), he was willing to do what no one else was willing to do (because he doesn’t give a shit about human rights), and, as far as the series seems to care for, he got results (except not really).

I seriously hope I’m misreading things here because it seems the series is actually trying to legitimize the grievances of these racist assholes! The story is plainly saying that the racists are the ones who didn’t have their heads buried in the sand. Those people called for a hardline stance against Marley because of their racism, because they rejected the notion of peaceful coexistence between the races. Stories are constructed and Isayama has chosen to construct a story that says the racists were basically right.

Excuse me while I have a minor panic attack as the notion this series is a right-wing nationalist screed keeps getting harder to refute!

Even worse, the series seems to cast attempts to avoid the conflict as a waste of time! Suing for peace is never a waste of time and it is never too late to sue for peace. People die in war. Was it not worth it to try and avoid that? 

As I am writing this, it is the 100th anniversary of the end of World War I. That war started with the July Crisis, the rapid escalation of tensions between European powers that directly precipitated the war. But even at the eleventh hour, even as they were. Mobilizing. For. War. there were still serious, earnest overtures for peace being made. Can you imagine Eren even considering that? He thought suing for peace was folly before going to Marley.

Racial conflict is not inevitable and it was not a waste of precious time to make overtures of peace. In any other story Eren’s actions would rightfully be depicted as the work of a radical extremist, but here his opposition concedes the point to him even though he has no point!

The Military Police were planning on going ahead with Zeke’s plan, just without Zeke himself. Even after the stunt Eren pulled they were still planning to conduct experiments with the Rumbling. They never truly foreclosed on using the rumbling, but Eren had foreclosed on peace as a meaningful pursuit a long time ago.

Hange’s concession to Eren is so complete they even adopt Eren’s rhetoric on the matter. Hange frames the Survey Corps opposition to what Eren wants as them not moving forward. In prior chapters, Eren has framed his actions, the same actions the Corps opposes, as moving forward. By having the opposition capitulate and begin adopting their opponents framing, the story further emphasizes the point that Eren was right and they were wrong. That’s bullshit!

But things are even worse than that! Recall what I said earlier about racism being a system of inequality built around the concept of race. Well here’s the rub: the concept of race itself was invented by Europeans to justify their domination of the world. Because of this, the very idea of there being differing races is itself racist. This is why the story’s tackling of race will always be flawed at best. To frame racial conflict as being over legitimate differences is to not just miss the point, it is to concede the point to the racists.

(I really hope conceding the point to racists doesn’t become a thing with this series.)

Here’s a possible ending to the series: Eldians and Marleyans are unable to resolve their differences so they decide to self-segregate. All the Eldians are sent to live on Paradis and Paradis agrees to maintain an isolationist foreign policy. That ending would have a very pro-nationalist message, which is exactly why I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s how the story ends. I don’t want this story to have a pro-nationalist message, but there is a ton of smoke right now.

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

All that said, I can’t exactly blame them for deciding to negotiate with Eren. I just wish the story wasn’t written in a way that legitimizes the EFC’s worldview. Marley will be bearing down on them shortly and Eren has the titan shifter powers plus a small army of over 100 soldiers plus the advantage of being able to wage a guerilla style campaign against Paradis. Eren had a huge advantage and Pixis was smart to realize that.

This chapter can be divided into two halves. I just finished addressing the bigger one so that just leaves the smaller one.

It’s going to be hard for me to talk about this half of the chapter because of how difficult it is for me to read it. The whole sequence is like a black comedy.

Let’s run it down:

Nicolo is a total idiot, and I’m not just saying that because he’s racist. So this clown finds himself face to face with the girl who killed Sasha, you know, the good Eldian, and his response is to go in front of people and invite them to murder her?

WHAT AN IDIOT!

And yeah I know he’s acting in a fit of rage, but in a way that makes what he’s doing even more revealing. He’s not thinking so he’s acting on pure instinct, and what we see in this chapter is a man with the instincts of an asshole.

He’s so full of rage he’s totally cool with murdering Gabi. But what’s really revealing is his assumption that Mr. Blouse would feel the same way, when any reasonable person would just assume he wouldn’t. That’s why this whole moment plays out like a scene in a comedy, because of the irony of it. Nicolo thinks his dumb idea that Mr. Blouse will kill Gabi is a good one, meanwhile everyone else, including the audience, knows it isn’t.

The fact that Nicolo just assumed that they’d all be just as willing to kill a kid as he was speaks to him being a very closeminded person. He can’t fathom that other people would seriously object to his thinking.

The other reason is the sheer ridiculousness of it. Imagine being in Mr. Blouse’s position. You’re enjoying dinner with your family when out of nowhere the chef comes in with a knife and two bloodied children with him. Then he says the girl you’ve befriended is actually an enemy soldier who killed your daughter!

Someone give Mr. Blouse an award. There wasn’t a single trace of “What?” on him! All this crazy stuff is going on and he just rolls with it, even though he’s being asked to assume the veracity of things most people would at least question. I don’t know if I should call this a plot hole or what.

And then we get to the climax of the chapter: Mr. Blouse’s speech.

“Sasha was a hunter. I’d taught her how to use a bow and we’d go hunt food in the forest since she was a little one. Because that’s how we lived. But I knew the day would come when we couldn’t keep living that way.  So I made Sasha leave the forest. Then the world got bigger. Sasha became a soldier. She went off to other lands, shot people, then got shot herself. Turned out, just when I thought she’d left the forest, the whole world was one big one. It was still kill or be killed. I think Sasha got killed because she wandered too far in that forest. We’ve got to let the children out of this jungle, at the very least. Or else the same thing’s just going to happen again and again. As adults, it’s our responsibility to shoulder the sins and hatred of the past.”

I will say this first: Mr. Blouse is a good man. The idea that he had to choose between revenge and forgiveness is a false dichotomy. He could have chosen to not forgive her while also not choosing to seek revenge. And he would have been well within his rights if he had.

The problems I have with this speech are about what it portends for the future. Mr. Blouse describes the world as being like a forest where you have to kill to survive. That’s basically how Attack on Titan presents the world as well. But Mr. Blouse rejects this as an untenable way to live. He got Sasha out of the forest because he knew that in a world where you either kill or be killed you were eventually going to be killed.

What he says next is key.

To break the cycle of violence they have to get out of the jungle. As far as the analogy is concerned, that’s true. If the jungle is a dangerous place to be in, the solution is to leave it.

The million dollar question here is, how do you translate that analogy into an actionable objective? If the whole world is a jungle, then how do you leave it?

The answer is simple.

You don’t leave it. You change it.

If you can’t leave the forest, you have to make it livable, and Mr. Blouse demonstrates this himself by forgiving Gabi. The world is a forest partly because people aren’t very forgiving. By exhibiting the virtue of mercy, Mr. Blouse shows how we can make the forest, the world, a better place to live.

But here’s another question: He shows how you can change the forest. But can you actually change it?

There’s still a good chance the series will answer this question with a resounding “no.”

Is Isayama hinting at how he intends to give his story a happy ending? Or is he showing us what he thinks people should do while planning to end the series with what he thinks people will do?

Isayama had Kaya turn on Gabi because he wants to remind us of the latter possibility. Kaya considered Gabi a friend and even she was filled with homicidal rage.

The message is clear: however warm and cuddly we may feel when we see Mr. Blouse show empathy for his daughter’s killer, there are always people who think and act in the opposite way and they could literally be anyone. If even a little girl can be driven to act and think in this way, can Mr. Blouse’s way of thinking really win in the end? Not likely.

So Mr. Blouse forgives Gabi, but what does he think of the act itself? It’s notable that he frames Gabi and Sasha’s actions as taking place in the context of a kill or be killed situation. Which unfortunately gives me chapter 100 flashbacks. My take away from that chapter was that both sides see themselves as being in a fight for their very existence and that they are simply doing what comes naturally in a situation like that. I also read an important statement about metaethics in that chapter.

The…exact reason why is hard to articulate, but ever since chapter 100 came out, one of my biggest fears have been that Isayama just doesn’t understand what he’s talking about. (see: smoke, lots of)

The series has made a point of emphasizing the humanity of all those involved in the conflict. That is not necessarily a bad thing, but what I fear is that the series will lose sight of the fact that you can want nothing but peace on earth and still be a fucking asshole.

“Eren isn’t a bad person, he’s just a guy with an opinion about what the right thing to do is and he’s not afraid to act on it.”

Do not make the mistake of thinking that being a bad person and not being a Saturday morning cartoon villain are mutually exclusive. They are not. If you think they are then you don’t understand morality.

This utterly revisionist version of morality, called student relativism (warning: PDF link) by professional philosophers, is pervasive in our society. It is not true that morality is “just an opinion,” as the above statement implies.

For many reasons.

Morality is objective.

Does Isayama understand that? 

If the series does endorse a naïve moral relativism, then it is part of the problem. That problem is creeping nihilism.

Our society has been trending towards a bigger and bigger embrace of nihilism for centuries now. Friedrich Nietzsche very famously identified this trend in the late 1800s. This isn’t completely bad. It used to be in vogue to think that history was a march towards inevitably greater prosperity. Now it is recognized that greater prosperity is not completely assured.

But it is bad in other cases. The belief in the inviolability of “opinions,” as opposed to the unwavering truth of “facts,” is an example of that.

A big driver of this trend is the increasingly secularized nature of society. People in the West are conditioned to view morality as an imperative from God. Objectivity is conflated with divine command. But if God is dead, as Nietzsche famously put it, what happens to our notion of objectivity?

That notion falls by the wayside, even though it doesn’t have to.

There are many ways to get to an objective(ish) morality that doesn’t rely on the dictates of a god. Elaborating on those ways would be beyond the scope of this post (*cough* copout *cough*) but needless to say the idea that morality is in any way relative is a fringe opinion among people who study morality professionally. Almost no one defends it.

Which brings us back to Attack on Titan. The story does not shy away from showing the gruesomeness of the characters’ actions. But separate and apart from that, what is the series saying about the morality of those actions?

In chapter 40, Ymir and Historia (and some other people) are on a tower teetering towards collapse. Titans are swarming the tower’s base. At any moment they could be dead.

Ymir says something to Historia:

“I have no right to tell you how to live. So this is just a wish of mine. Live your life with pride.”

This is the first reference to student relativism in the series. We can’t tell people how to live their lives because that’s a matter of values and values should not be imposed on others because there are no correct values. When I realized what I was reading, my heart sank.

This one line completely ruins Ymir’s character. All this time she’s called for Historia to live for herself, but in the end she never truly believed in that. How can she? How can you think something is correct if you also don’t think it’s the binding Truth?

Ymir believes Historia should live for herself. “Should” implies “must” because if you should do something, you are obligated to do it. But if Ymir believes that she can’t tell Historia how to live then she doesn’t actually believe Historia should live for herself.

Attack on Titan, like all stories, is a work that tries to say something. But could it be that all this time it’s been “just a wish” on Isayama’s part that we agree with him?

If so, that’s very cowardly.

It’s cowardly because he’s trying to have his cake and eat it too. He’s trying to assert his opinion (and in a strong, high profile way at that) while also trying to dodge the liability that is inherent in making an assertion. He is trying to enjoy the benefits of partaking in public discourse (voicing his beliefs) while trying to avoid the pitfalls (the possibility of being wrong).

Saying that what you believe in isn’t binding truth is not only self-contradictory, it is a way of avoiding scrutiny. If we live in a world where there is no correct way of doing things then we live in a world where no one can be wrong; saying that, “No one can be wrong,” is just another way of saying, “I can never be wrong.”

That is the cowardice of student relativism.

And yeah, Ymir is a coward too for believing in this. I told you that line completely ruined her character!

…And it’s at this point I realize I’ve trailed off significantly from the point I was trying to make.

The bottom lines are these:

(1) Attack on Titan’s themes might be informed by junk philosophy ripped straight from the forums of 4chan; because

(2) The author might be the type of person who has to deny truth itself exists before he can make a claim in public; which would mean

(3) The story doesn’t truly stand for anything; and therefore

(4a) Reading this manga has been a complete waste of time

(4b) The corrosive trends that are undermining our society have been reinforced

(4c) The narrative is flagrantly self-contradictory and even hypocritical

(4d) Nihilism is the overarching theme of the story; and

(4e) In the end, Mr. Blouse probably does think the “kill or be killed” situation is exculpatory. 

(it isn’t)

Ultimately what’s significant about this chapter is what it portends for the future. Attack on Titan has begun its final story arc, so the moment of truth is almost here: what does this series truly stand for?