#why am I even worried about healthcare and my self esteem… | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

furiousgoldfish · 4 years ago

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Rate your (abusive?) parents! (this is not meant as a serious diagnostic tool, not all abusive parents can be measured this simply, however it does provides some reference.)

1. How warm and loving were your parents?

a. They made me feel very loved and appreciated. b. They were sometimes a little dismissive but I was taken seriously when necessary. c. I was loved.... occasionally... it was a hit or miss some days. d. They acted as if they would rather they didn't have me. e. They were fake warm, even if they were smiling I felt resented, despised and afraid.

2. How scared are you of your parents?

a. Scared? They're my parents. Why would I be afraid? b. If I swear something nasty at them they give a threatening look but I'm not that scared. c. They're scary on some days, if they're in a good mood it's fine. d. I have nightmares about them, I feel scared even if I hadn't done anything wrong. e. I would prefer to be dead than to face them again from the amount of terror I feel.

3. How well do your parents pay attention to your needs?

a. They know what I need before I even realize it. b. I have to remind them that I need new pair of sneakers sometimes. c. They expect me to say if I need something, otherwise it goes neglected. d. I don't like them paying attention to me, they don't most of the time. e. I'm allowed to have needs? Says who?

4. Do they notice when you're in distress?

a. Yeah, if something happens they immediately reassure me. b. If I'm acting strange, someone talks to me the same day and helps me. c. Well, if I'm distressed about something obvious, and if they have nothing better to do. d. They'd only notice if I was already dying and then tell me it's my fault. e. Notice? They CAUSE the distress. They enjoy it. I'm sick of having to act strong.

5. Do your parents take time to teach you all necessary skills for survival?

a. If I feel like learning, I can ask them anything; they research if they don't know. b. Well they teach me what they know and I feel capable of survival so yes. c. I'm supposed to learn from watching them, they don't answer questions. d. No, they only tell me to stuff and get angry if I get it wrong. e. They convinced me it's impossible for me to survive and that teaching me is a waste.

6. Do your parents provide you with basics (food, shelter, clothes, healthcare) unconditionally?

a. Of course! I know I can always count on them for these. b. Yeah, they want me to be safe and sound, even if they're mad at me. c. I have to figure out some of it myself, can't always count on food or healthcare. d. I get parts of it, and I'm told I should be grateful and that I'm in debt forever due to it. e. I'm threatened with being thrown out, starved and/or all my stuff taken away constantly.

7. Are your aspirations, hobbies, achievements and happiness important to them?

a. They want me to be as happy as possible and put a lot of effort into it. b. Yes, if they can do anything to help me be happy, they do it. c. I'm not sure if they know all my aspirations or hobbies. d. They don't think my aspirations or achievements are worth shit. Happiness? I don't know her. e. They go out of their way to sabotage my achievements and happiness.

8. Do your parents provide you with rewards for completing tasks for them?

a. Yeah! If I do everything well I get additional money or privileges I want! b. I am well appreciated, even if there's not always a reward, I get praised. c. If you count 'here's more things to do and then we'll leave you alone' a reward.. d. I get told 'it would have been better if you did nothing' and snapped at to do more e. If I don't complete the chores, I will get hurt. I get humiliated and criticized while doing it.

9. Do your parents criticize your style, appearance, friends or relationships?

a. They're happy with whatever makes me happy, they only say something if they're worried. b. Well one time I was in an abusive friendship, and they criticized the other kid. Otherwise, no. c. I don't think they notice most of the time. Only if it's in their way of something. d. They only criticize it if it reflects badly on them. e. I can't step into the house without being criticized. They hate everything on me.

10. Are your parents proud of you?

a. Yes, they remind me so constantly. b. Well not all the time, but if I do something well. c. They don't have time to feel things and stuff about me. d. I don't think 'proud' and 'me' could ever occur in the same sentence. e. They'd be proud if I didn't exist.

Results:

If your answers mostly dwelved around a. and b., then your parents did well enough at least in these categories, and you were able to experience a measure of safety and acceptance in your home. This is what is generally expected of parents to provide for children, and if they're 'good enough', they'll be providing all this for the most of time. This isn't to say your relationship with them is perfect; they still might be pushing pressure and expectations in other areas, or disagree in fundamental levels with you. If you have even one result at d. or e., they might be covering up abuse.

If for a lot of answers you found yourself picking c., then you are likely to have experienced neglect, inconsistency, lack of nurturing, lack of care. This goes into the category of 'not good enough parenting' and abuse. It's likely to them, you were only a backdrop, someone to care about their issues more than they care about yours, a convenience they used to get things done. It's likely you often had to keep your own life in order and assist theirs. This can make you feel like you only exist when it's convenient to others, and give you major insecurities about your self-esteem, importance, and self care. It can also set you up for an abusive relationship.

If your answers were mostly d. and e., I am sorry to say but your parents were a complete disgrace and a failure. They not only neglected all of your needs, emotions and human rights, but did their best to cast as much damage on you as possible. You were not treated with dignity and humanity that you deserved. You've been put thru a lot of undeserved hatred, and life shouldn't have been so hard on you when you were just a kid. It's likely you are or will struggle with trauma due to neglect, hostility, hatred and cruelty that was forced on you when you were vulnerable and defenseless. You shouldn't have been left alone with those people. If your answers stem more towards e, it suggests narcissistic parents.

Mixed: If your answers range across all of the options, it suggests that your parents, even while doing well in some areas, neglected and abused you in others, which makes your situation fairly complicated; you want to believe they love you and you see a proof of that, yet they sometimes hurt you very badly, and their affection is inconsistent, mixed with bursts of cruelty and denial of your humanity and dignity. Know that it isn't hard not to abuse a child. It's not a completely unreasonable thing to ask of people to not be cruel to children, to not damage your well being. Your parents shouldn't have gone to such lengths to be hurtful to you, and being okay at other times is no excuse. Good people are good consistently, not when they feel like it. This is, again, a result that suggests abuse.

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kriffani · 4 years ago

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Second Chances (Chapter Two)

Five years later, Theo is thriving as his Jedi training progresses, exceeding all expectations set for him. When the fate of a revolutionary civil rights bill is to be decided, tensions rise a little too high in the Senate. Several Jedi are ordered to assume escort duties in an attempt to ensure the safety of those under threat of assassination.

warnings: mentions of death, hints to transphobia

word count: 1.9k

chapter one

taglist: @acomplicatedprofession

“It’s a nightmare. This bill could change everything!” Mace groaned.

“Unfortunate, it is. Care, not enough Senators do.”

“Then why are they continually voted in? How do those blasted parasites stay in office?”

“I agree with your sentiments, Mace. Which is why the bill must pass. Access to public healthcare is far too limited in it’s current state.” Plo paused, apprehension straightening him in his chair. “Though I do admit, I possess a personal bias in regard to my apprentice.”

“In that respect, I think we all feel the same, Master Plo. Theo is growing up to be a wonderful young man.” Adi Gallia’s remark produced numerous murmurs of agreement from around the Council Chamber.

“Yes, he is. I’m very proud of him.” Plo relaxed, relieved that the others felt as strongly as he did.

“As you should be, Plo. Regrettably, we must shift the topic slightly. Multiple death threats have been sent to members of the Senate. All of which are very public advocates for the bill, two of them being the ones who introduced it: Senator Bail Organa of Alderaan, and Senator Padme Amidala of Naboo.” Ki-Adi Mundi explained.

“Have either of them requested our assistance?” Mace leaned forward.

“No, but the Chancellor himself requested that we offer to guard and escort them here from their respective home planets in time for the vote.”

“Then do so, we must. For people like Theo, much at stake, there is.”

“I will take Theo to Alderaan. This mission will be good for him.” Plo offered.

“Mm. Agree, I do. Go to Naboo, to Senator Amidala, I will. Adjourned, this meeting is.” Yoda tapped his staff against the floor in finality.

------

“I don’t know what to do anymore, my premonitions keep getting worse,” Theo frowned, “they feel more...real.”

“Your premonitions?” Anakin echoed. Golden sunlight poured into the Temple hall, making the already-sacred building look even more ethereal. Soft beams bestowed illusive halos onto the two Padawans as they approached one of the windows. Theo rested his arms on the sill and closed his eyes for a moment, basking in the sun’s warmth.

“Yeah. If I focus while I’m dreaming it’s pretty much like I’m there.” He leaned back, chewing the inside of his cheek, “I feel everything as if it were happening to me. I can hear voices more distinctly, but I can’t place them.”

“Can you tell what’s happening to them? Or where they are?”

“No.”

“Have you told Master Plo?”

“No...” Theo looked down, guilt tugging at his heart.

“Why not? He’s one of the most powerful Jedi in the Order!” Anakin scoffed, “If anyone can help you, it’s him.”

“I know that, but what if I’m seeing these things because they’re going to be my fault? What if the rest of the Council finds out and they banish me?” Theo’s knuckles turned white as he clenched the sleeves of his robes. “Whoever they are, I feel their deaths, Anakin.” He turned his eyes back up towards the city. Windows lit up one by one across the skyline as the sun kissed the horizon.

“That won’t happen.” Anakin clenched his jaw. Faith. One of the many things Theo decided that he liked about Obi-Wan’s apprentice. Anakin Skywalker had unwavering faith in his friends. A strength, and a weakness. The duality of man.

“I hope you’re right.” He sighed, resting his chin on his forearms.

“I am, I can feel it.” Anakin gently elbowed Theo’s rib cage, earning him a tender smile.

“Thank you.” Almost halfway down, the sun’s rays painted the sky scarlet and orange and illuminated the hall in a stronger, more fiery glow. Speeders began switching into night mode, becoming luminous streaks of red and white. Theo almost thought it was beautiful. But that would be a little too ironic. It was nearly five whole years ago he had been an orphan living hand to mouth with his Mandalorian comrade. Now, he was housed and taught at the Jedi Temple. Now, he was the cherished apprentice of Plo Koon, one of the Order’s most esteemed Jedi Masters. What if this isn’t what I’m meant for? What if I don’t belong here? What if I’m a failure? Theo quickly pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. There is no emotion, there is peace. Fear and doubt were not becoming of a Jedi, and certainly weren’t endorsed by the Code. A pleasant tingling sensation crept up the base of his skull. Oh! He jolted, standing up taller as he whipped around to greet the all-too familiar presence. “Master!”

“Koh-to-ya, little Theo, Skywalker,” Master Plo cheerfully greeted them. “Padawan, tomorrow we have a mission. There have been threats concerning the life of Senator Organa of Alderaan. It will be our job to escort him back to Coruscant in time to vote on the Galactic Rights Bill.”

“Very well, Master!” Theo was elated. It had been over a month since he had left the Temple, and it took every iota of his self-control not to cheer in victory.

“Whoa, whoa, wait a second, should you even be going on missions? You’re recovering from surgery!” Anakin pointed an accusatory finger at Theo, who recoiled in mock offense.

“Excuse you but I was cleared for low-risk missions by the surgeon this morning, it’s been four and a half weeks, and I’ve kept up with the bacta treatments. I just have to be careful!” Theo gingerly patted his chest. “Besides, I’m sure my Master wouldn’t take me along if he thought I was at risk.”

“Indeed, young one. Skywalker, your concern for my apprentice is appreciated, yet perhaps it is misplaced here.” Plo placed his hand on Theo’s shoulder.

“Apologies, Master Plo. I didn’t mean to suggest that you would purposefully put him in danger.” Anakin cringed, he had just made a grave mistake. Had the Temple gotten warmer? Or was he simply wearing one layer too many?

“Hm...I wonder, do you question Master Kenobi’s intentions like this?” Amusement seeped its way into Plo’s voice, and Anakin was too nervous to sense it.

“N-no, Master!”

“Then why would you assume mine to be of any difference?”

“I don’t! I promise! I was just worried about Theo’s recovery, it had nothing to do with your choices as his Master.” Anakin desperately wanted to disappear into the floor.

“My choices? Do you have any suggestions for me on how to train my padawan, Skywalker? Do you believe I am incompetent?”

“That’s not it, I-”

“Master, please. Leave Anakin alone.” Theo chastised. “He’s kidding, Anakin.”

“Oh! I see...” Anakin’s cheeks burned as he forced a laugh.

“Please forgive me Skywalker, that wasn’t very kind of me,” Plo chuckled, “I truly do admire your care for little Theo’s safety, however, may I offer you some guidance?”

“Of course Master Plo.”

“Your desire to protect others is very strong, and you should trust your instincts,” Plo’s voice dropped, “but be careful not to let them control you.”

“Thank you. I will keep this in mind.” Anakin reminded himself to breathe.

“Theo, we are scheduled to leave at 0530, so please be ready and in the hangar by 0500.” Plo gave a final pat to his padawan’s shoulder before leaving as silently as he had arrived.

“I should pack, early morning and all. I’ll see you later, Anakin!” Theo practically bounced down the hall, leaving his flabbergasted friend to shout a farewell in his wake. The Galactic Rights Bill...What was that again? Theo mumbled to himself as he walked. Galactic Rights Bill...Galactic Rights Bill...I’ll ask Master Plo tomorrow. By the time he reached his quarters, the sun had completely set, leaving only the dim lamps that lined the ceiling to light the dormitory hall. The door hadn’t quite finished opening when Theo zoomed inside, nearly tripping over himself. He closed the door behind him and stood for a moment, before switching on the lights. The padawan raked his hands through his hair, attempting to recall what task had caused him to enter his room in such urgency. I needed...to pack! He reached for his pack before pausing again. Actually, no. I don’t need a lot. It’s not a long mission. Theo sighed, and collapsed onto his futon. He reached up to his neck, fingers ghosting over his braid before pinching the necklace beneath his robes to pull it out. His thumb brushed across the surface of the pendant as he allowed himself a moment to reflect. To feel. The Mythosaur skull stared back, empty, and taunting. He frowned. Jango. What would Jango think of him now? Would he be proud? Resentful? Would Jango have missed him at all? That was a stupid question. Of course he would’ve. Jango was a good man. Kind, stubborn, brave, and honest. Theo snorted. Most of the time he was honest. Rather than continuing to wallow in his grief he tucked it and the pendant out of sight. Theo closed his eyes. There is no emotion, there is peace.

------

“Can we get jelly-buns?”

“No. Too much sugar.” Sunlight glinted off of shining beskar as the odd pair walked through the bustling market.

“Please, Jango?” Theo stretched out the ‘e’ sound, gazing up at the bounty hunter with impeccably fabricated innocence.

“We have food on the ship.” Immediate dissatisfaction. The boy scrunched his nose in disgust.

“I don’t wanna eat ration bars, they’re so dry.”

“Fine. We’ll get a few on our way back to the ship.” Jango huffed, a small smile forming underneath his helmet. “Is there anything else you need before we leave? We won’t be stopping until we get back to the Core Worlds.”

“Nope! Just the jelly-buns.” Theo chirped. He planted his hands on the ground and launched himself into a mostly smooth cartwheel. His balance was off at the last second, making him stumble upon landing.

“Impressive, you’re getting better at those.” Jango mused.

“Thanks. I’m still not as good as that lady we met yesterday though.” Theo launched himself into a second one.

“Aurra or Zam?” The Mandalorian allowed himself to get lost in thought as Theo made a better, near-perfect landing.

“Zam. Aurra’s the scary one.”

“Mm.” Jango slipped over to a stand to pick up a box of the coveted round pastries. He placed a handful of credits on the counter, and waved away the pirate’s offer of change.

“We don’t ever have to see Aurra again do we?”

“Not often. Only when the situation calls for it.” He tossed a jelly-bun to Theo, who mouthed a ‘thank you.’ The pastry was gone in less than a minute. “I have something else for you.”

“What is it?” Theo asked, bouncing on his toes in excitement.

“You’ll see, I’ll give it to you on...the ship.” Jango trailed off. Not a moment passed before he drew his blaster, the box of jelly-buns discarded and forgotten on the ground. Running towards the boy, he yelled. “Get down!” Theo didn’t have time to react as fire engulfed him and the market.

“Jango!” He was gone. “Jango!” Theo cried out again, but to no avail. All he could feel was heat, all he could see was white, and all he could hear was the roar of fire. It was over, and it was silent. But then it wasn’t. Falling, screams of betrayal, silence. Blaster shots, confusion, silence. An engine exploding, fear, silence. The glow of a lightsaber, cries of grief, silence. Anger, heartbreak, silence. All Theo felt was agony, crushing and absolute. All Theo felt was death.

He snapped upright, gasping for air. He pressed his hands to his cheeks. Theo was alive, and much to his relief, not on fire. It’s okay. It’s just the premonitions. That’s not how the job ended. We got on the ship, he gave me the necklace, we left. It’s just the premonitions. It’s just the premonitions. It’s just the premonitions...I need to tell Master Plo.

#tcw #plo koon #anakin skywalker #star wars #jango fett #mace windu #clone wars #Ki-Adi Mundi #adi gallia #jedi council #fanfic #sw fanfic #death mention

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desi-pluto · 6 years ago

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知的愛 Chiteki Ai - “Intellectual Love”

Summary: Her intelligence was his aphrodisiac just as his love for literature sparked her desire to read more books - (a tiny hint of NejiTen and SuiKarin as well) College AU

Rating: Teen

For the lovely @uchihaharunoss who loves reading school/college AUs.

Note: the term "aphrodisiac" doesn't just apply to sex; it’s other definition is: a thing that causes excitement.

Freshmen Year

There she was studying at the grand library of Rikodu Sennin University, wearing a pair of thin framed reading glasses as she was studiously taking notes from her thick molecular biology textbook. Something about seeing a beautiful woman intently studying motivated him to step up his A-game. Especially if that woman has the same hair color of cherry blossoms and eyes like shimmering emeralds. That woman's name was Haruno Sakura. He had heard that she was a one-of-a-kind genius who got a full scholarship in the Rikodu Sennin medical school, and that she was also the apprentice of the infamous Doctor Tsunade Senju ever since she miraculously concocted an antidote to counteract the spider virus.

Here he was sitting on the other side of the library with a friend of his in the middle of a study session. It was getting hard for him to concentrate, because he was constantly tempted to sneak glances

"Hey Sasuke, can I copy your timeline notes of the Tokugawa Shogunate period? If you remember that I didn't make it to class last Thursday." Neji Hyuga, a sophomore from the esteemed Hyuga clan asks him if he could borrow his notes. With a grunt, Sasuke takes out his binder to take out the sheets of papers he took his notes, and then staples them in order before handing them to Neji, "Give them back to me by Friday, Neji."

"But of course." Was Neji's reply before he carefully puts the packet of Sasuke's precious notes in his file.

"Why were you staring at Haruno Sakura?" Neji changes topic.

"Why were you staring at Yu Tenten during basketball practice?" He retaliates with a smirk. Neji's fascination towards Tenten was no secret.

"She was cheering for me Sasuke, like any good friend would." Neji quickly responds with a faint blush growing on his cheek bones.

"Aha, keep telling yourself that Neji." Sasuke continues teasing him mercilessly.

"Don't you have to write a 10 page research paper for Law?" At being reminded of his arduous assignment, Sasuke's face momentarily turns pale at the thought of completing an all-nighter to write his paper.

'Damn it, I guess I'll have to make time to read The Silmarillion tomorrow then.' Sasuke thinks defeated with a sigh. Yes, the pragmatic Sasuke Uchiha has a love for literature. If he had the time, he'd consider joining the literature club, but alas his major forces him to study very hard in order to become a better criminal lawyer than his father; and it would mean reading more books with legal jargon.

"I must leave now Sasuke, I promised Tenten that I wold help her in understanding functional analyses." Neji stands to pack his books, while trying his best not to blush at the prospect of having alone time with Tenten.

"You don't even take calc. 1." Sasuke knew for a fact that Hyuga Neji was probably on the linear algebra level, considering he was known to be a prodigal math genius back in high school.

"I'm the best person to help her Sasuke." Neji haughtily tells him, "you'll understand when someone deems you worthy enough to help them." And with that he left the library leaving Sasuke all by himself on the table.

After Neji leaves, Sasuke with a "hmph" puts on his earphones that were attached to his cellphone so he can listen to his playlist of classical European music from Beethoven to Mozart to Tchaikovsky.

Sophomore Year

"Hey Sakura, my mom's hosting my birthday this weekend, you should come over!" Karin Uzumaki removes her glasses and pouts her lips, as she sweetly invites her for her birthday party.

"Geez Karin you don't need to act all 'cutesy' to make me go somewhere when you know the answer is yes." Sakura irritably answers her. At hearing her confirmation, Karin's expression turns ecstatic and then tells her to wear something nice but not too casual this coming weekend.

"Great, and just so you know Sasuke will be there too." Karin leaves her with a knowing smirk.

::::

Saturday comes and she's the first one to arrive at Karin's birthday party, and is grabbed by the arm to Karin's bedroom. When she goes inside the red head's room, Sakura instantly knew what needed to be done. Which was to help Karin get ready for the party.

"What will make you stand out the most?" Sakura looks through her closet of designer clothes until she hit the jackpot. She took out an unsaturated red tube dress that reached mid-thigh with a black denim jacket to go on top of.

"This will do, it compliments your hair and eye color!" Sakura hands the outfit to Karin and then turns around so she can slip her clothes on.

When she was done changing, she found Karin looking in the mirror with a sad look. "Do you think Sasuke will notice me like this?" She's been having a crush on him since they were in Oto high school but, things recently started to get complicated with their long time mutual friend Suigetsu Hozuki; who's also known to quarrel with Karin a lot. She also wasn't oblivious of Sakura's crush on Sasuke either, even if the pinkette doesn't know it herself.

"It doesn't matter how you look for him Karin, no one knows what his tastes are." She honestly answers, because it was hard for nearly anyone to guess what Sasuke is up to most of the time, aside from his close friends. 'I'd be more worried about Suigetsu not keeping his eyes off of you.' She quietly thinks to her self.

"Don't make this night about impressing him." She gently rests her palm on Karin's right shoulder.

When the house became too crowded for Sakura's liking, she decided to take a seat inside the gazebo of Karin's backyard. Aside from knowing Karin, nearly all the party guests were from said girl's high school called Oto High which was located in downtown Tokyo; plus most of them intimidated the crap out of Sakura. Basking in the fresh night air she closed her eyes and let her body absorb the cool summer wind.

"I thought I'd find you here." Sasuke's voice startles her out of her reverie and causes her to open her eyes only to see that he was taking a seat next to her. She couldn't help but admire his choice of clothing for the evening. Wearing a navy blue collar shirt with the sleeves rolled half way up - exposing his muscular arms.

"Hey." Sakura politely acknowledges him, wondering if he came to return the book he borrowed from her - ironically the book she's had for years in her home, but never finished reading it.

He takes out the hard copy of The Chamber by American author John Grisham from his black satchel and hands it over to Sakura, "It's a pretty decent book, I'm surprised you haven't read it yet." It had everything Sasuke loved to read about; suspense, history, politics, and a thorough examination of America's horrible legal system. Not to say that he loved America's justice system, he is actually appalled by it, from its prevalent racism, gender biases in careers, its lack of healthcare, the amount of countries it destroyed, he hated all of it.

"I'm not quite fond of America's justice system Sasuke, even my dad thought it could've been written better so I chose not to bother after chapter 4." She dryly tells him, which made him smirk a little. "Can't argue with that." He agrees with her while taking a good look at her. The sight of her sitting in the gazebo with that faraway look as she looks upwards toward the star-filled night sky would be the perfect inspiration for a painter or a photographer. Her long pink hair was let loose, her sea green eyes sparkled in the dark, and her choice of clothing was lovely as well, Sasuke observes her admiringly. She chose to wear a white frock that reached mid leg, and a pastel pink chiffon cardigan.

"What is it Sasuke?" She caught him staring at her, feeling genuinely confused, because he never looked at her like that before.

"Nothing Sakura." He gives her a gentle smile, that reminded her of the one her father would give to her mother.

Perhaps she'll finish reading The Chamber.

End of Junior Year

"You want me to do what with you?" He asks her amused, this was just too good to hear from her.

"You heard me loud and clear Sasuke, would you like to go out with me tonight, you know..to hangout?" Sakura asks with her arms crossed, a faint blush decorating her cheekbones.

"Alright," He fake surrenders with his hands up, "I'll see you at 7 at my place, oh and Sakura…" He walks close to her until there's very little space between them and boldly pecks her forehead where her purple diamond tattoo was, and whispers "Thank you." With that said, he goes off to class leaving Sakura with her heart beating fast as she replays the kiss on her forehead.

::::

"Wait, thee Sakura is taking you to the movies?" Sasuke's mom Mikoto Uchiha, eggs her son to tell. "Yes okasan, it's her - hold on," He paused as his cheeks darken a little bit, "how do you know her name?" He never recalled sharing her name to anyone in his family, just vague information that she's a medicine student and came from Okinawa.

"I heard you whisper 'Sakura' in your sleep, when I came to wake you up from your power nap." She wickedly grins at him, causing heat to reach at the back of his neck, now hoping his father won't walk in, in the middle of this conversation.

Just as the clock went 7:00 pm, the doorbell of the house rung. Faster than lightning, Mikoto opens the door with a smile and is delighted to see a pink haired maiden with green eyes in front of her.

"You must be Sakura! Please do come in." The elder woman grabs the younger one by the elbow to pull her inside.

Remembering her manners, Sakura clears her throat and with a traditional bow she says "Konbanwa Uchiha-san, I am a close friend of your son, and I would like to take him out to the movies with me. Rest assured, I will not take any advantage of making him pay for the two of us just for the sake of traditional gender roles, I will -"

"She gets the point Sakura." Sasuke comes right next to her as he helps her straighten her back to stand up.

"Well you sure are a chivalrous woman." The ebony haired woman chuckles at the slightly nervous young lady standing next to her son. "I mean you're both adults, so I don't see the point of you asking for my permission. Just don't get lost in any alleyways." She jokingly says a little bit. 'It's not everyday a girl comes to me to ask Sasuke out on a date.' She thinks to herself amused. 'Just friends. I see, as if I was born yesterday.'

"Have fun kiddos!" She sees them go out the door, and once their gone she feels her body relax and with a loud voice, "You can come out now Fugaku."

"So that was Sakura." Fugaku walks next to his wife with a mini smirk forming on his usually serious face. "I never expected her to be so unique."

"Neither did I dear." She agrees as she rests her head on his shoulder.

::::

Sakura couldn't contain her excitement, ever since her self-discovery of having feelings for Sasuke, she's been wanting to see if he might also like her beyond friendship. She was tempted to grab his hand and hold it firmly in her's, but she didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable as she fails to not reach for his hand before he caught her.

"What are you doing?" He whispers so the other occupants in the cinema wouldn't hear him.

"Just stretching." She answers in a steady tone.

"Is that so?" He comes near her ear as his breath tickles when he adds, "is it not because you want to hold my hand, like lovers do?" He further agitates her until she aggressively grabs his much larger hand and grips it in her smaller one. "Yes. Yes Uchiha Sasuke I like you a lot and I would love for us to be real lovers." She confesses to him. "However, I won't force you to be in a relationship just because I wish it. We can continue on as friends and forget this entire conversation." She stiffly finishes and tries to let go of his hand but Sasuke unexpectedly tightens his hold on her.

"We'll talk it through when the movie is done." He tells her without turning to her. They resume to watch the rest of the Batman movie in silence.

When the movie finished, Sasuke without hesitation offers his hand to Sakura which she takes and leads them outside the cinema.

"We're going back to my place." Sasuke leads them to the train station, "Don't ask any questions."

After 40 minutes, they arrive to his fancy neighborhood while holding hands. Once their in front of his door, he rings the bell and was surprisingly welcomed inside by his father.

"Come in you two." Fugaku gives a small grin at the two of them.

"I have something important to tell you and mom." Sasuke says loud enough so his mom can come out of the kitchen, which worked because she arrives to stand next to her husband.

"As of today Sakura and I will begin to date." He says it so bluntly that Sakura's eyes widen like saucers at him. 'How is he saying this all with a straight face?' Her heart thumps loudly at Sasuke's reciprocation of her feelings.

"We're happy for you son." Fugaku pats Sasuke on his left shoulder with a proud smirk on his face.

"How about you stay the night with us Sakura-chan? It's almost midnight anyway." Mikoto side glances Sasuke with a knowing grin 'you brought her home so she wouldn't leave, you're not that slick Sasuke.'

"Arigato-gozaimasu Uchiha-san, I'll be gone by morning." Sakura promises, even though she could've called a taxi to drop her at her 1 room apartment.

"You can sleep on Sasuke's bed for the night, and he'll sleep on a futon. Sound good to you kids?"

"Yes ma'am." Sakura agrees with the conditions.

When they arrive in Sasuke's bedroom, Sasuke hands her a disposable tooth brush and a pair of black trousers and shirt to wear.

When it was time to sleep, Sasuke gently pulls Sakura down next to her on his futon and they just stare eye to eye for a long time. An old habit of their's. Not before long Sasuke caresses her cheek and leans closer to her until she places her lips on his. The kiss was tender, romantic, and longing with love.

Before things would go out of hand, Sasuke reluctantly pulls back and pecks her forehead before saying "Goodnight." As he urges her to lie down on his bed at the same time he lies on his futon.

This was just the beginning of a new chapter for the both of them.

#my fic #sasusaku #sasusaku fanfiction #anum!writes #college au #sasuke x sakura #modern au #naruto fanfiction #sasuke #sakura #sasuke uchiha #sakura haruno #fluff #humor #dork sakura

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towardperihelion · 8 years ago

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#letstalk [about not talking]

For those of you who are unaware, two days ago was the 6th annual Bell Let’s Talk Day. Bell is a Canadian company and the money goes towards funding mental health initiatives, particularly aimed at reducing the stigma around mental health, in Canada. Now, I am not Canadian — the syrup and healthcare may lure me north of the border, but they’d kick me right back south when I put on my Bruins gear — but I participated in many of Bell’s social media pushes to help raise money, including hitting the “retweet” button numerous times on Twitter. I’ve done this in the past; this is the third year that I’ve taken part in #LetsTalk trends.

This year, though, something felt different about participating in these efforts. As I was reading up on Bell’s efforts and fundraising successes, something felt more personal than it has in the past.

I am well-aware of the stigmas that surround mental illness. My family has a documented history of mental illness, and while it was never a topic that was avoided in our household, it also wasn’t one that anybody jumped at the opportunity to talk about. It was more this nebulous presence, an elephant in the room that you can’t help but notice, but don’t want to talk about because you’re afraid the elephant might step on you if you do, or that the elephant would suddenly be in every room where you couldn’t avoid it. Easier just to ignore it. The most prominent memory that I have of mental illness in my family were the arguments over what my sister’s exact diagnosis was — only for everyone to eventually agree, after she had grown out of her childhood rambunctiousness and general teenaged rebellion, that she probably didn’t suffer from anything after all.

On top of that, I got hooked on psychology in my senior year of high school and it was my major in college, topped off with a majored in psychology. I spent six of the last seven and a half years of my life (okay, to be fair, maybe only five, since my freshman year I fell a little too deeply into the “liberal arts, try everything” mode) studying psychology — I know that there is a stigma around mental illness, both social and self. I have talked to many people about this and participated in events designed to expose people to options for treatment to help break down some of the perceived barriers to talking about and seeking help for mental illness.

And yet… I fell into the same trap that so many others do.

I first started dealing with severe anxiety in the first week of October and it took me a month to fully acknowledge that this was a mental health problem that needed attention. I have always been the type of person to worry — I would worry about upcoming assignments, about my performance on the soccer field, about how full or empty my social calendar was — and so I figured this was just a momentary issue that would pass like all those in the past. I attributed it to momentary issues at work, the stress of saying goodbye to my boyfriend for another period of time longer than I wanted it to be, to family problems. It had to do with everything around me, but not with me myself. I avoided accepting that this was the type of problem that you seek help for. If it weren’t for the guiding hands of my two main confidantes, my boyfriend and my father, I might not have been comfortable seeking treatment, at all. As it was, it took another couple of weeks for me to actually pick up the phone to arrange an appointment with a psychiatrist. Each time I did, there was a voice in my head that said “I’m not ready.”

For me, personally, though, the hardest stigma that I battled (and continue to battle) wasn’t the social stigma. It wasn’t so much that I was afraid that people would belittle or dismiss my opinions because of anxiety or depression, or that they wouldn’t take me seriously because of it. No, the harshest barrier that I faced was self-stigma. Anxiety and depression both have a funny was of making you question every thought that runs through your head — can I trust it? is it real? is this just the disease talking or is it me? is there a difference between the two? As my struggles made me turn inward, reaching out to fewer people, questioning and criticizing myself, my sense of pride kicked in.

I didn’t want to seek help because I didn’t want to be the kind of person who needed it. Despite a near-lifetime of knowing that mental disorders can take control of your life whether you want them to or not, I still fell into the fallacy that this was somehow my fault. If I just tried hard enough, I could beat this myself. I didn’t want to become the kind of person, to endure the kind of struggles, that I saw my mother go through. I didn’t want to admit that my mental illness, especially the anxiety, was winning. I could already feel myself losing friends, I was being forced to come to grips with the fact that staying in my job and my city were not going to be possible, and I worried almost every day about what my emotions in that exact moment meant for my relationship. My self-esteem couldn’t handle admitting that I needed help from other people.

And when I did have to walk away from my job? My supervisor was the only person who I explained everything to. She was wonderfully supportive and understanding — just as every single person that I have opened up to was. I have no doubt that the rest of my coworkers would have been equally supportive if I had opened up to them… But I didn’t. The power of the stigma surrounding mental illness still held and holds that strong of a sway on me. It was easier to allude to some of the family processes driving my decision to move closer to home than to admit that my own mental health was floundering because of everything.

Besides, even if I had wanted to tell them about it, how would I be able to properly describe the way that I was feeling when it was so foreign and so indescribable, even to the people who knew me best?

That’s why days like Bell’s “Let’s Talk” initiative are so important. Even those of us who are well-studied in psychology and know the dangers that lurk within that gray cloud labeled “mental illness” can fall prey to the stigmas that surround it all. I am a long way from being comfortable talking about my struggles with all but a handful of people — at least directly. I start therapy next week and am hoping that that will help loosen my tongue, and to start the undoubtedly long road of building my confidence back up. Slowly, the truth about my struggles has been slipping out: a comment to a friend here, a quick mention to a colleague there. But the full story?

Well, I guess that’s what this blog is to help me with. Maybe once it’s all out in front of me, I’ll be better able to tell my story.

#bell lets talk #anxiety #depression

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abgailgibbs · 4 years ago

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lauramalchowblog · 4 years ago

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The Pandemic’s Toll on Mental Health and Relationships: What Can We Learn?

When Mark asked me to write a post about the toll the pandemic is taking on mental health and relationships, I didn’t want simply to detail the ways it’s hard to live through a pandemic. Nor did I want to throw a bunch of statistics at you about how many people are having a difficult time. You know that it’s like living in the world’s least entertaining Groundhog-Day-meets-dystopian-thriller film.

If you’re like me, you’re sick of kvetching about 2020. The fact is, though, that I don’t know anyone, myself included, who isn’t struggling in one way or another right now.

After a lot of reflection, I’ve concluded that a big reason why 2020 is so draining is that our usual coping strategies don’t work like we want or expect. Most are aimed at reducing the source of our distress or dealing with the emotional aftermath. This pandemic is ongoing. We’re stuck in the middle of it, with no end in sight, and no way to speed the process along.

That doesn’t mean we’re helpless, though. Personally, I’m a huge believer in practicing self-compassion as a means of coping, almost no matter the situation. I’m talking a formal practice of self-compassion, as outlined by Dr. Kristin Neff and others.1 This requires self-awareness—mindfully tuning in to what is happening in your brain and body—and then offering yourself understanding and grace for what you’re feeling and how you’re responding. It’s perfect for situations like the one we’re in now, where we have little control over our suffering (the term used in the self-compassion literature), but we desire peace.

Because of my background, in the quest for self-awareness, I always look at situations through the dual lens of ancestral health and social psychology. Ever the optimist, I also look for opportunities to learn and do better when possible. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.

Instantly download your Guide to Gut Health

Facing the Unique Challenges of Living Through a Pandemic

I said I didn’t want to gripe, but let’s acknowledge that the pandemic is taking a serious toll. Survey after survey shows that more people are struggling with depression and anxiety. Distance learning is a challenge. Healthcare workers are under a tremendous amount of stress, as our other essential workers. People are sleeping poorly. Substance abuse is on the rise. 2 3

Which is to say, 2020 is exhausting, for lots of reasons.

Stressors Are Meant to Be Acute

Mark talks about this all the time. Humans are best equipped to deal with brief, intense stressors. We fight, flee, or freeze, and then, assuming a saber-toothed tiger hasn’t eaten us, we recover.

Everything about the present situation is misaligned with our genetic expectations. We’re simply not built to withstand long-term, unyielding stress—not from our jobs, chronic cardio, chronic sleep deprivation, and certainly not from six months of pandemic with no end in sight.

Remember back at the beginning of the pandemic where people were all, “Use this time to work on a new skill, build your side business, Marie Kondo your whole house!”

Lololol.

Now we’re beating ourselves up for feeling unproductive, lacking the motivation to exercise, and craving comfort foods. Instead, we should be lowering our expectations and telling coronavirus, “It’s not me; it’s you.”

Staying Afloat

When it comes to stress, even chronic stress, the goal is usually to eliminate it as much as possible. Here, though, our only real option is to try to keep our heads above water while we wait for things to get better. It doesn’t surprise me that substance abuse seems to be on the rise. When we can’t control stressors, sometimes it seems easier to numb out. The problem is, numbing isn’t coping. It’s avoidance. Drinking a bottle of wine while binge-watching a show may be great escapism, but at best, it’s a temporary fix.

In many cases, our best option is, in fact, self-compassion, radical acceptance, whatever you want to call it, plus a heaping dose of self-care. The trick, I think, is to acknowledge that the goal isn’t to alleviate stress or feel “normal.” It’s to stay afloat long enough to see the other side.

Questions I’m asking myself:

Am I expecting too much of myself, or failing to give myself necessary grace, given the amount of stress I can’t control

Am I using numbing strategies instead of coping strategies?

Mismatch Between Basic Needs and Coping Strategies

I’ve come to believe that many mental and emotional hardships are due to a mismatch between why we’re struggling and what we’re told to do about it.

Let me back up. Psychologists have proposed various models of basic human needs. You’re probably familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy, for example. At the base of Maslow’s pyramid are basic physiological and safety needs (food, warmth), then you work your way up to belongingness (relationships), esteem (pride, accomplishment), and finally self-actualization.

Academics don’t put a lot of stock in it, but it’s stuck around for more than seven decades because it has high face validity. That is, it feels right. We need to attend to physiological and safety needs before we can worry about connecting to other people, and certainly before becoming the best version of ourselves.

Those foundational needs are always more pressing, and all of us are facing novel threats to our safety. Not surprisingly, data from two polls conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation and one from the U.S. Census Bureau confirm that the mental health toll has been greater for people who have experienced job loss or income insecurity.4 5

Yet, much of the coping advice is aimed at those higher-tier needs—connecting to others, learning a new skill, becoming a zen master. I’ve been guilty of this, too. I love talking about self-care. At the same time, I understand why people are sick of being told to take a bubble bath or go for a walk when they’re worried about paying rent. (I do think social connection is always important.)

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A Problem of Self-Determination

My favorite psychological needs theory—doesn’t everyone have one?—is self-determination theory. SDT posits that humans have three basic psychological needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Unlike Maslow’s hierarchy, there is a boatload of research demonstrating how meeting those fundamental needs, or not, affects motivation and well-being.6

It seems to me that most common coping strategies address competence (developing mastery) or relatedness (connecting to others). However, loss of autonomy—the freedom to control our own actions—is undoubtedly a primary reason we’re struggling.

The problem is, there’s not much we can do about that. The best option is to focus on controlling the things we can control and accepting those we can’t (major serenity prayer vibes, here). I’m not suggesting that we should be reasserting our autonomy by flouting the rules and doing whatever we want, virus be damned. No, the point is to understand why things still feel hard even when we’re trying our best to practice self-care so that we might give ourselves grace.

Questions I’m asking myself:

Am I meeting myself where I’m at, or am I using generic coping strategies that, while well-meaning, aren’t really what I need?

Am I blaming myself or feeling guilty for struggling, instead of accepting that the pandemic is hard in ways that are hard to cope with directly?

What Can We Learn from People Who are Doing Well?

I’m fascinated by people who are actually doing better now than before. Some kids are thriving at home, free from the social and academic pressures of traditional schooling. Lots of adults are realizing that they are happier and more productive working from home.

Getting back to the topic of this post, when I started to dig into the data on how the pandemic is affecting relationships, I expected to find dire news. I didn’t. While it’s logistically harder to see friends or travel to visit distant relatives, many people have seen their close relationships improve.

FThe Behavioural Science and Health Research Department at University College London is conducting weekly surveys looking at the psychological response to the pandemic, along with other socioemotional and behavioral variables. More than 90,000 people have responded. As of writing, data are available for the first 23 weeks here.

In July, week 16, the researchers asked about relationships. The majority of respondents said the pandemic had not changed their relationships with spouses, friends, family members, or coworkers. More people felt that their friendships had suffered since the beginning of the pandemic, compared to the number whose friendships improved—22 versus 15 percent of respondents, respectively. The data were similar for coworkers. However, relationships with some family members and neighbors were more likely to have improved:

27 percent said their romantic relationship got better, while 18 percent felt it was worse

35 percent reported their relationship with children living at home had improved, versus 17 percent who said it had suffered

26 percent had better relationships with neighbors, versus 8 percent worse

I really wish there was more attention to being paid to those people. Why are they doing better? What’s their secret? It must have something to do with the time we have to invest differently in relationships now, but is there more to it than that? Academics are going to be writing about this for decades, I’m sure.

Shaping a “New Normal”

Since we have no choice about living through a pandemic, I hope we can at least learn from it.

When we go back to “normal,” it won’t be—and shouldn’t be—the normal we knew before. The ways people are suffering and thriving both offer important lessons about human nature, our ability to cope, and the ways we do and do not support one another effectively. That some people are doing better during an arguably terrible time is telling. It says a lot about the challenges and shortcomings of our pre-pandemic way of life.

The question is, will we heed the lessons?

What about you—how are you doing, really? Will you go back to “business as usual,” or have you gained any insights from the past six months that will change how you approach things in the future?

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References

https://self-compassion.org

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2770146

https://www.kff.org/coronavirus-covid-19/issue-brief/the-implications-of-covid-19-for-mental-health-and-substance-use/

https://www.census.gov/programs-surveys/household-pulse-survey/data.html

https://richarddehoop.nl/upload/file/self-determination.pdf

The post The Pandemic’s Toll on Mental Health and Relationships: What Can We Learn? appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

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jesseneufeld · 4 years ago

Text

The Pandemic’s Toll on Mental Health and Relationships: What Can We Learn?

If you’re like me, you’re sick of kvetching about 2020. The fact is, though, that I don’t know anyone, myself included, who isn’t struggling in one way or another right now.

Instantly download your Guide to Gut Health

Facing the Unique Challenges of Living Through a Pandemic

Which is to say, 2020 is exhausting, for lots of reasons.

Stressors Are Meant to Be Acute

Mark talks about this all the time. Humans are best equipped to deal with brief, intense stressors. We fight, flee, or freeze, and then, assuming a saber-toothed tiger hasn’t eaten us, we recover.

Remember back at the beginning of the pandemic where people were all, “Use this time to work on a new skill, build your side business, Marie Kondo your whole house!”

Lololol.

Staying Afloat

Questions I’m asking myself:

Am I expecting too much of myself, or failing to give myself necessary grace, given the amount of stress I can’t control

Am I using numbing strategies instead of coping strategies?

Mismatch Between Basic Needs and Coping Strategies

I’ve come to believe that many mental and emotional hardships are due to a mismatch between why we’re struggling and what we’re told to do about it.

Melt your stress away with Adaptogenic Calm

A Problem of Self-Determination

Questions I’m asking myself:

Am I meeting myself where I’m at, or am I using generic coping strategies that, while well-meaning, aren’t really what I need?

Am I blaming myself or feeling guilty for struggling, instead of accepting that the pandemic is hard in ways that are hard to cope with directly?

What Can We Learn from People Who are Doing Well?

27 percent said their romantic relationship got better, while 18 percent felt it was worse

35 percent reported their relationship with children living at home had improved, versus 17 percent who said it had suffered

26 percent had better relationships with neighbors, versus 8 percent worse

Shaping a “New Normal”

Since we have no choice about living through a pandemic, I hope we can at least learn from it.

The question is, will we heed the lessons?

(function($) { $("#dfbhMHU").load("https://www.marksdailyapple.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php?action=dfads_ajax_load_ads&groups=674&limit=1&orderby=random&order=ASC&container_id=&container_html=none&container_class=&ad_html=div&ad_class=&callback_function=&return_javascript=0&_block_id=dfbhMHU" ); })( jQuery );

References

https://self-compassion.org

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2770146

https://www.kff.org/coronavirus-covid-19/issue-brief/the-implications-of-covid-19-for-mental-health-and-substance-use/

https://www.census.gov/programs-surveys/household-pulse-survey/data.html

https://richarddehoop.nl/upload/file/self-determination.pdf

The post The Pandemic’s Toll on Mental Health and Relationships: What Can We Learn? appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

The Pandemic’s Toll on Mental Health and Relationships: What Can We Learn? published first on https://drugaddictionsrehab.tumblr.com/

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roxysbeachlife · 6 years ago

Text

10 Important Symptoms of Depression

I am posting this article as a result of my unsuccessful attempt to get off anti-depressants after 30 years. The holidays make depression worse, especially when you are alone. After a MAJOR downward spiral I post this for awareness. Clinical depression is not to be taken lightly. That being said, here is the article in it’s entirety…

Axel F. Sigurdsson MD

Major depression affects more than 16 million American adults each year (1). It can occur to anyone, at any age. And, importantly, depression is not a personal weakness but a severe medical illness.

Of course, we all have times when our mood is low. Gloom, heartache, melancholy, woe, desolation. These are all parts of life’s journey and fortunately most often normal temporary reactions to daily events. But, at what stage should such feelings be defined as clinical depression? The British writer and poet, Giles Andreae who himself has battled depression once said: “Thinking you’ve had depression makes about as much sense as thinking you’ve been run over by a bus. Trust me – you know when you’ve got depression (2)”

Although this is not entirely true, it emphasizes the difference between clinical depression and occasional episodes of low mood. However, unfortunately, too many people don’t acknowledge their depression or think it isn’t serious or even believe that it is some personal weakness.

Only about a third (35.3%) of those suffering from severe depression seek treatment from a mental health professional (3). Hence, it is estimated that as many as two-thirds of people with depression do not realize that they have a treatable illness and do not seek treatment.

According to The American Psychiatric Association, “depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Fortunately, it is also treatable. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person’s ability to function at work and home” (4).

Hence, we might conclude that depression reflects long and persistent periods of low mood without reason? But, that’s a misinterpretation. The truth is that there is a reason. That reason is the disease we call depression.

The British actor and writer Stephen Fry has talked openly about his depression. He says: “Why should I be depressed? I’ve got enough money. I’ve got a job. People like me. There is no reason to be depressed. That’s as stupid as saying there is no reason to have asthma or there is no reason to have the measles. You know you’ve got it. It’s there. It’s not about reason.”

Depression is often considered to be a mood disorder. Fry says: “To me, mood is like the weather. Weather is real. It is absolutely real: when it rains, it rains – you get wet, there is no question about it. It is also true about weather that you can’t control it; you can’t say if I wish hard enough it won’t rain. It is equally true that if the weather is bad one day, it will get better and what I had to learn was to treat my moods like the weather.”

1. Depressive Mood

Persistent sad, anxious or “empty” mood is an essential feature of major depression.

However, frequently those who have suffered from depression describe their depressive mood in a more specific manner. It is not just about feeling sad all the time. It is somewhat different and usually much worse.

In fact, people with depression not always feel sad. They may be able to speak with their friends and have a laugh. On the outside, it may look like there’s nothing wrong. But inside, there is something missing. There is an emptiness, so hard to describe and so hard to understand unless you have experienced it yourself.

Let me quote Stephen Fry again: “There comes a time when the blankness of the future is just so extreme, it’s like such a black wall of nothingness. Not of bad things like a cave full of monsters and so, you’re afraid of entering it. It’s just nothingness, the void, emptiness and it is just horrible.”

Fry even goes further and says: “It’s like contemplating a future-less future and so you just want to step out of it. The monstrosity of being alive overwhelms you.”

Some patients with depression express intense sadness and emotional distress whereas others have a sense of emotional numbness (“blahs”). Hence, the magnitude and nature of the depressive mood may vary between patients.

2. Anxiety

Depression is often associated with anxiety. Both are facilitated by stress, either recent or dating back to childhood (5). Up to 70 percent of patients with depression experience anxiety (6).

Anxiety may be described as a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

Today, many experts believe that depression and anxiety are not two disorders that coexist but two faces of one disorder (7).

Often, anxiety precedes depression, sometimes by several years. Typically the onset of anxiety is in late childhood or early adolescence. Depression usually begins a few years later with typical onset in the mid-20s (8). But, of course, depression may occur at any age.

One person suffering from depression and anxiety wrote (9): I’ve always lacked self-confidence, even before my anxiety disorder was identified. I try to mingle with the best of them, but at the same time on the inside, I’m an intolerable nervous wreck and always wish I was at home watching repeats of “Friends” with a slab of fudge cake, even when I’m socializing with my nearest and dearest. Sadly, I don’t think this will ever change. So when I’m at that point where I’m trying just to leave the house, let alone do anything adventurous, my fragile mind always says “But, why? Why bother? You’re going to fail at this anyway?”

In fact, isolation may become quite severe. Simple tasks such as going to the supermarket may become a major hurdle.

3. Loss of Interest or Pleasure in Activities Once Enjoyed (Anhedonia)

The word Anhedonia describes the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable, e.g., exercise, hobbies, and social interactions. In Greek, anhedonia directly translates to “without pleasure.”

Most patients with depression have anhedonia. It is a crucial feature of major depression. Events and activities we used to enjoy become less interesting or fun. We may even lose interest in our friends. Libido and interest in sex often decrease as well.

Some experts suggest that anhedonia comes not from a reduced capacity to experience pleasure, but instead from an inability to sustain good feelings over time. In other words, maybe pleasure is experienced fully, but only briefly, not long enough to sustain interest or involvement in life’s good things (10).

In anhedonia, the simple and satisfying sensation of joy seems to be lacking.

Following his experience with depression, Giles Andrea wrote: “And if depression has taught me one thing, it is this: what a rare and beautiful treasure is the simple human gift of joy. For me now, joy – our capacity to delight in one another and the world – is the reason why we are here. It is as simple as that. And I feel compelled to spread the word (2).”

Anhedonia may promote social withdrawal and negative feeling towards yourself and others. Emotional abilities may be reduced, and there may be a tendency to show fake emotions. We may struggle to adjust to social situations and our interest in intimacy may diminish.

Sometimes, anhedonia is divided into social anhedonia (a general disinterest in social contact), and physical anhedonia (an inability to feel pleasure from things likes eating, touching or sex)(11).

4. Fatigue or Loss of Energy

Contrary to many other medical symptoms, fatigue is an entirely normal phenomenon in particular situations. We all become tired, but it usually gets better by rest or sleep. However, chronic fatigue as a medical symptom is typically persistent and not relieved by rest (12).

Chronic fatigue is prevalent among patients with depression. It is often described as feeling tired all the time, exhausted or listless. Some people with depression experience total lack of energy sometimes called ‘anergia’.

Fatigue and depression seem to have a circular relationship. For some, fatigue will come first; for others, depression will come first, but for most, it will probably be unclear (13). The fatigue may lower self-esteem and make the depression worse, leading to more fatigue.

If the fatigue that comes with depression becomes overpowering, basic tasks such as getting out of bed and walking may be exhausting.

The symptoms of fatigue can affect physical, cognitive, and emotional function, impair school and work performance, disturb social and family relationships, and increase healthcare utilization (14).

5. Feelings of Worthlessness or Excessive Guilt

A study of patients with major depression published 2015 showed that self-blaming emotions occurred in more than 80% of patients with self-disgust/contempt being more frequent than guilt, followed by shame (15).

The majority (85% of patients) reported feelings of inadequacy and self-blaming emotions as the most bothering symptoms compared with 10% being more distressed by negative emotions towards others.

Patients with depression often tend to misinterpret events or minor setbacks as evidence of personal failings (16).

A patient with depression has described her feelings in the following manner (17):

“I should be a spy; I am so good at leading a double life. I can put on a smile, muster up a good conversation (after ignoring a few calls and messages), but the reality is, all those “normal,” happy interactions exhaust me, and for that, I feel guilty.

I feel guilty that I want to scream at my boyfriend who is just trying to be understanding. I feel guilty that I cause those closest to me to worry. My parents, my partner, my family, and friends, all of them try to support me, to ensure I don’t get too low. How do I tell them it isn’t them and no matter what they do often I just feel low? I feel guilty that their efforts to help sometimes just make it worse.

I feel guilty for canceling plans last-minute. I mean to go, I want to go, but often I just don’t have the strength. I am brilliant at making excuses, but the shame I feel for letting people down is ever-present.

I even feel guilty for feeling guilty. Maybe some other people understand this warped way of thinking. I would tell anyone else with depression to not be so hard on themselves, to acknowledge their efforts. But to me, I just feel guilty.”

6. Sleep Disturbance (Insomnia and Hypersomnia)

Several types of sleep disorders may occur in patients with depression. The term insomnia is used often used to describe the symptoms associated with these sleep disorders.

Insomnia may be a difficulty falling asleep, waking up frequently during the night with difficulty returning to sleep, waking up too early in the morning, or merely an unrefreshing sleep. It is not defined by the number of hours slept but reflects the satisfaction with sleep. Insomnia is often associated with tiredness, lack of energy, difficulty concentrating, and irritability.

Depression may be associated with difficulty getting to sleep (initial insomnia). Waking in the middle of the night (middle insomnia) or earlier than usual (terminal insomnia) with difficulty turning to sleep is common. Prolonged nighttime sleep or daytime sleeping (hypersomnia) may occur as well.

About three-quarters of depressed patients have insomnia symptoms, and hypersomnia is present in about 40% of depressed young adults and 10% of older patients, with a preponderance of females (18).

Disturbed sleep is a very distressing symptom which has a significant impact on quality of life in depressed patients (19).

Many patients with depression wake up prematurely in the early morning hours, unable to get back to sleep. This early-morning awakening is often associated with dysphoria and depressive thoughts, and sometimes there is an agitated, even a panicky feeling. This may often get better during the day and the evenings are often more comfortable.

7. Neurocognitive Dysfunction (Difficulty Concentrating, Remembering or Making Decisions)

Neurocognitive dysfunction is common in patients with depression (20).

Memory loss and an inability to focus or concentrate may be pronounced. Working memory, fluency, and planning and problem-solving abilities may be impaired.

People with depression often feel like they can’t focus. Comprehending what you are reading may become difficult and affect the ability to store information. This may negatively impact enjoyment when reading for pleasure.

The ability to receive information or directions may be impaired. We may appear easily distracted. This may affect performance at school and work. Sometimes these symptoms may be misinterpreted as lack of interest or consideration.

In most cases, neurocognitive dysfunction in depression is readily distinguished from that caused by dementia.

8. Change in Appetite and Body Weight

Reduced appetite and weight loss are common in patients with depression. However, increased appetite and weight gain may also occur.

Changes in eating habits are often related to other symptoms of depression, such as lack of energy and interest or pleasure from activities.

While a loss of appetite is common in depression, the sadness or worthlessness experienced by many patients may be associated with overeating (emotional eating). Emotional eating is eating in response to emotional rather than physical hunger.

9. Psychomotor Disturbances (Restlessness, Irritability, Retardation)

Psychomotor disturbances that are common in depression include both agitation and retardation (16).

Psychomotor agitation is a series of unintentional, nonproductive or purposeless motions. In patients with depression, this may present as hand-wringing, pacing, and fidgeting.

Psychomotor retardation is a slowing down of thought and physical movements and may include slowing of body movements, thinking, and speech.

10. Thoughts of Suicide or Death

Depressed patients often experience recurrent thoughts of death. Suicidal ideation often occurs and there is a risk of suicidal attempt in some patients with depression (21).

Sometimes, suicidal ideation is passive. Patients often consider life not worth living and that their closest family and friends would be better off if the patient were dead.

In contrast, active suicidal ideation is marked by thoughts of wanting to die or commit suicide (16). There may be suicide plans and preparatory acts (e.g., selecting time and location, choice of method, or writing a suicide note). Such behavior indicates the patient is severely ill.

Suicidal ideation is usually preceded by hopelessness and negative expectations for the future. The patient may regard suicide as the only option to escape a never-ending and intense emotional and often physical pain

Alarmingly, many patients with suicidal ideation have not been recognized as having depression. In a large Canadian study, 48% of patients who had suicidal ideation and 24% of those who had made a suicide attempt reported not receiving care or even perceiving the need for care (22). The investigators concluded that future research should be directed toward finding better ways to identify these individuals and address barriers to their care and other factors that may interfere with their receiving help.

The annual suicide rate in the United States is approximately 13 per 100,000 individuals. Suicide is the tenth leading of cause of death. In 2014, the total number of suicide deaths in the United States was 42,773 (23). This equals 117 suicide deaths every day.

It is recognized that certain occupations and professions may be more susceptible to depression and suicide. Occupations that require frequent or difficult interactions with the public or clients, and have high levels of stress and low levels of physical activity seem to be at highest risk (24).

The medical profession has the highest risk of death by suicide of any profession or occupation. Other high control and highly regulated professions such as law enforcement, military, and the legal profession may be more likely to experience depression and suicidal behavior, and less likely to seek intervention because of the associated stigma and possible licensure implications (25).

Recent research suggests that suicide is three times more likely in individuals who have experienced a concussion, so occupations that might result in head injuries may be predisposed to suicide, with or without concomitant depression (26, 27).

A few patients with depression have described their thoughts concerning suicide on the website The Mighty (27). Here are a few examples:

“It feels like you’re all alone and no matter what’s said to you, you feel like it’s not true or doesn’t matter. It feels like you just need to end it all because you’re so tired of fighting every single day.”

“I didn’t realize what I was feeling until I came out of it. It felt like I wasn’t breathing, I was drowning, and someone was holding my head under water. I was lost, alone and there was no other way out. No one understood me and no one ever would. When I finally broke free of the deep suicidal thoughts, I was able to see them for what they were, not before or during. I felt choked by the emotions and blinded by them.”

“A constant ache in my heart, my lungs, my wrists, my legs, my mind and the pit of my stomach. The ache that tells me nothing is sacred; everything is pointless. That nothing ever has or ever will matter. Why must I continue breathing? Why must I keep getting out of bed every day when I am so incredibly tired? Feeling utterly worthless, to the point that you wonder if your own children would be better off without you around.”

“The thought of death formed as a monster in my head. It is after me; I cannot run away from it. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live, either. The pain is too much strong, so I desperately think I cannot take another day. But deep down inside of me, I always have a tough wish to see another day — as a human instinct, I guess. I grabbed this very little feeling to go on. I hope everyone else will [too].”

“And if depression has taught me one thing, it is this: what a rare and beautiful treasure is the simple human gift of joy. For me now, joy – our capacity to delight in one another and the world – is the reason why we are here. It is as simple as that. And I feel compelled to spread the word.” Giles Andrea

Diagnosing Depression

Symptoms of depression may include the following:

Persistently sad, anxious, or empty moods

Loss of pleasure in usual activities (anhedonia)

Feelings of helplessness, guilt, or worthlessness

Crying, hopelessness, or persistent pessimism

Fatigue or decreased energy

Loss of memory, concentration, or decision-making capability

Poor abstract reasoning

Restlessness, irritability

Sleep disturbances

Change in appetite or weight

Physical symptoms that defy diagnosis and do not respond to treatment – (very commonly pain and gastrointestinal complaints)

Thoughts of suicide, death, or suicide attempts

Poor self-image or self-esteem

To establish a diagnosis of major depression, a patient must express one of the first two items above and at least five of the other symptoms listed. Such disturbances must be present nearly daily for at least two weeks (25).

The Bottom-Line

Dear reader. If you have read this article, it may be for general information purposes or because you fear or believe that you may be suffering from symptoms associated with depression. If the latter is true, I want to remind you that depression is not a personal weakness but a serious medical disorder.

Because depression is a disease, it can not be “willed” or “wished away”. Unfortunately, that is a common misperception by the public and some medical professionals.

Patients with depression often feel terrible. The combination of physical and emotional symptoms may be overwhelming. The tiredness, darkness, and emptiness may seem unbearable. However, depression is a treatable disease. Almost all people who have suffered from depression will tell you that things will get better. And that is true.

And, remember; Never be ashamed of your depression. You wouldn’t be if you had a brain tumor, heart attack or leukemia.

Oh, and finally; Don’t try to deal with your depression by yourself. Seek professional help.

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nursingnotesbynursea · 7 years ago

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6/02/18 0900 Nursing Note:

Overwhelmed, excited, nervous, enthusiastic…

Ive decided to start this blog to share my experiences of being a newly registered nurse..

In less than a week I will start as a graduate nurse in a bustling city hospital. My first rotation will be in the world of cardiac nursing in CCU ( the coronary care unit for those who aren’t familiar with medical abbreviations) and for my second rotation I have been placed in general medicine. I've always found anything to do with the cardiovascular system quite fascinating and having loved a placement in cardiac as a student, I am very excited to be placed in a critical care environment where I will really get to learn more about the heart. I also love diversity and am thrilled to be placed in general medicine which I know will give me exposure to a wide range of medical conditions as I am still not 100% sure of what area of nursing I might want to go into in the future.

Its hard to believe only three Months ago I was a student nurse, eager to learn, trying desperately to retain hours of lectures inside my brain for exams and spending my days in different hospitals and healthcare settings from overcrowded and hectic emergency departments to listening to the strumming of a guitar in music therapy sessions. I’ve really seen and done a fair share of things these last three years. I have had some of my best and worst experiences up until now. I can only imagine what the next year and the years after that will bring…

Only last week I picked up my ID card which clearly states my name and then ‘Registered nurse’ and I still can’t quite believe it (trust me, I just double checked again then)

Where do you even begin to prepare yourself for a complete change in routine and life as you know it. I bought a drink bottle and a pack of pens? Is that where you start? I like to think im abit of an organisational freak and I know that everything is ready and im now ready myself.I think Its just not knowing what to expect, but ive done everything I can to make sure I am just that little bit prepared. Heres actual photo evidence of me trying:

Im under no illusion that The next 12 months finding my feet in the nursing profession will be easy, as ive been told by many RN’s that it will take time to become comfortable and find my groove. I think that doubt is probably my biggest fear, doubt in myself when walking through those hospital doors and clocking on for the first time. Along with heavy patient loads, feeling that Im not smart enough, not to mention my dreaded fear of not knowing what a certain medication is used for, or where on earth its kept in the medication trolley. (and that’s the only the beginning of my worries, holy moly)

Im usually not one for cheesy motivational speeches or ‘NEVER GIVE UP’ mantras. But ive decided that abit of self motivation cant hurt, especially when a lot of confidence and believing in myself will be needed shortly.

So every morning before I clock in, Before I drive to work, before I eat my rice bubbles in the morning and before I button up my shirt, I want to remind myself that I can do this, and I will continue to tell myself this everyday….And if those little thoughts of doubt cross my mind, going over worst-case scenarios, thinking that ill never get the hang of it or if Ill ever be a good nurse I will actively remind myself That ‘Struggle is a prerequisite of greatness’. Hopefully at the end of 2018 I can look back and be proud of myself for making it through the year, a year that I know is going to test and challenge my courage, resilience and self esteem but also make me realise why I decided to become a nurse in the first place…

‘Will continue to monitor’, and update you all on what happens next..

Thanks for reading!

Nurse A

#nursing #graduate nurse #medical #medicine

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type2diabetestreatments-blog · 8 years ago

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ANNOUNCING OUR WINNERS: The 2011 DiabetesMineâ„¢ Design Challenge

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ANNOUNCING OUR WINNERS: The 2011 DiabetesMineâ„¢ Design Challenge

A huge thank you and congratulations to all who participated in our 2011 open innovation contest! Yet again we feel this effort is an example of "crowdsourcing" at its best — culling the brightest concepts from across the community to help improve life with diabetes.

Jeffrey Brewer, President and CEO of the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF), recently stated:

"This contest has created a great deal of buzz within the diabetes industry, really helping to push the evolution of medical devices."

We're very proud and excited about that.

This year we received nearly 100 submissions — dozens of those from university students, studying Medicine, Entomology, Nutrition, Industrial Design, Interaction Design, Product Design, Engineering, Biomedical Engineering, Mechanical Engineering, Interactive Media, Architecture, and more. We had many more international entries this year than ever before! We also saw lots of participation from medical professionals and entrepreneurs at startup companies around the U.S. And there were many researchers, patients and parents involved, too. Kudos to all!

Participating educational institutions included (in alphabetical order):

Academy of Art University

AUT University, New Zealand

Brooklyn College

Carnegie Melon University

Fanshawe College

Georgia Institute of Technology

IED (Instituto Europeo di Design)

Johns Hopkins University

Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT)

Northwestern University

Oslo School of Architecture and Design

Pune University, India

University of Brasilia

University of Cincinnati

University of Illinois Urbana Champaign

University of Limerick

University of Medicine and Pharmacy, Bucharest

University of Pennsylvania / School of Medicine

VSMU (Vitebsk State Medical University) in Europe

Once again, quite the nice lineup!

The challenge for our Judging Team each year is to balance the sometimes competing concepts of "great design" versus "innovation." How do we rate aesthetics over functional feasibility of an idea, and its real potential to come to market soon? And what about breadth of impact: Do we honor a great solution for a small niche, or look only for things that broadly impact as many people's lives as possible? Our solution in the last years has been to split the Grand Prize awards into three rough categories that span the gamut of these concerns.

We had so many stand-out entries this year that we're adding two honorable mentions as well. Be sure to read all the way to the end of this post.

Without further ado, I am pleased to announce this year's winners:

GRAND PRIZE WINNERS (3)

Prize package: $7,000 in cash, plus complementary consulting with IDEO Design Health & Wellness experts, and one free access ticket to the September 2011 Health 2.0 Conference

Pancreum is a futuristic modular three-part "wearable artificial pancreas" that takes the combination of tubeless insulin pumping and continuous glucose monitoring to the next level. Its creators have also added a third component that delivers glucagon as an antidote to low blood sugar. The "brains" of the system reside in the Bluetooth-enabled CoreMD, designed to "create a flexible, open platform, and common architecture design that would allow for medical devices to be more affordable than what is available in the market today."

The judges agreed that Pancreum is an awesome futuristic concept. One noted: "It deals with major design flaws in all of the current pumps and is the first design I have seen that brings together a dual delivery system along with CGM in an integrated and turnkey fashion."

We're looking forward to learning more about how the delivery of insulin and glucagon subcutaneously is achieved. The good news is that Pancreum appears to be already in development, and certainly has the potential to have real impact on people's lives with diabetes.

Congratulations to electronic and software engineer Gil de Paula and his team at Pancreum, LLC, for their winning design!

BLOB is a small, portable insulin-delivery device unlike anything we've seen before. It can be carried in a pocket or worn on a neck-chain, and even incorporates a coolant for those who live in warmer climates.

The judges felt that this was a simple, elegant solution to a real-world diabetes problem: schlepping your insulin around and injecting it discretely.

In particular, it would be useful for type 2 diabetics who take set amounts of insulin — even as a possible alternative to the simple patch pumps being developed for that market. Why wear something adhered to your body all time if you could serve the same purpose with these little, pocket-sized "blobs"?

Congratulations to designer and type 1 diabetic (from Uruguay) Lucianna Urruty for her innovative thinking!

diaPETic impressed the judges by bringing the engaging elements of gaming into a young person's diabetes world. It is an iPhone/iPod touch application that helps a glucose meter to "acknowledge the user as a human being." It's currently designed specifically for teenage girls, but other characters could easily be created for boys and younger children, etc.

The application works a bit like the popular WebKinz and Club Penguin sites for kids, but combined directly with diabetes management: the user creates a pet avatar that interacts with them to encourage glucose testing and suggest strategies for control. Users gather points that can be redeemed for "accessories" for their avatar. The fun is in "unlocking" new items, and your avatar can morph into a new animal over time.

The judges felt that this app embodied an impactful idea to motivate behavior change using the latest interactive technologies. It is spot-on with key health trends: the importance of acknowledging patients' psychological needs, creating truly engaging consumer-oriented tools, and honing in on behavior change — which so many companies are struggling to address now!

Congratulations to designer Emily Allen on this winning concept!

Now, on to our category winners:

Most Creative Idea

Prize = $2,500 cash

Your votes selected Colored Tubing, an idea that's drawn from colored drinking straws! What if pump tubing also changed color when insulin passed through it, so that PWDs could easily detect clogs or air bubbles?

A few years ago, we had two entries suggesting colored insulin for similar purposes, but the idea of tubing that changes color is actually more practical. Plus, "We need more color in the solutions for this disease," according to patient-judge Bernard Farrell.

Congratulations to D-Mom Molly Johnson of Somewheretheresacure.org for this original idea!

(btw, our CDE judge Gary Scheiner has some in's in the industry and would like to push Molly's concept further "up the food chain," as it were; cross your fingers.)

Kids Category Winner

prize = $1,500 cash, entrants ages 17 and under

Our kids' winner this year is Rapid-Absorbing Glucose Patch, a transdermal glucose patch that makes it easy to swim or do sports without worrying about carrying emergency sugar in case of hypoglycemia. Its creator Stefan P. apparently likes to swim at the beach, as do we!

Stefan lives in Washington state and just turned 14. He was diagnosed a few years ago at age 11. He plays on a year-round soccer team, and and usually uses PowerAid to avoid and treat lows during sports. "But I had the idea it would be nice to have (the glucose) right there in a patch, like a nicotine patch, especially when you're swimming because you can't carry anything with you then," he explained over the phone this weekend. "My dad helped me research it over the internet, and we found out they're working on these fast-acting skin patches for medicine."

On his idea specifically, Stefan explains: "You could activate it by pulling out a plastic pull tab, like on initial use of a phone battery pack. This could avoid painful shots of glucagon, and if swimming, it could potentially save someone's life. And that's what I think would help make diabetes easier to live with."

Congrats to you, Stefan! And best of luck in the 9th grade 😉

Community Honorable Mention

The community also gave a nice nod to Hanky Pancreas, a series of fashion accessories for women who wear insulin pumps or CGMs. These definitely address the psychological side of living with diabetes, especially the issues of self-consciousness, self-esteem and social acceptance. They can make diabetes technology more fun to live with — right now! We understand that a men's collection is in the works as well.

Congratulations to designer Jessica Floeh!

Judges' Honorable Mention

Our group of 10 judges would also like to recognize Sanguine Diabetes Manager as a "best-of" submission in the diabetes data management arena. This clever program represents data in a much more user-friendly way than we've seen before, and stresses interoperability of data as a key tenet. We'd love to see these concepts integrated into existing logging programs if possible. Maybe Sanguine's creator could join forces with SweetSpot.com or something similar?

Congratulations to Interactive Media major Damon Muma!

Again, CONGRATULATIONS to all! Your creativity is our lifeline.

Many thanks to the California HealthCare Foundation for making this competition possible.

Winners will hear from us shortly.

Please tune in here in the next weeks for more in-depth information on the winning designs and the people behind them, along with a look at some of our favorite "runner-up" entries.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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