#why I don't have a romantic relationship

[soullikethesea]

I'm ashamed about lots of things, but currently a big thing is that I apparently still struggle with seeing people in the array of shades of gray that they are. I mean, fully appreciating how complex humans are.

And not falling into the trap of mistrust, because I know that *hurts* people. My lack of "basic trust" hurts people.

This is about pretty much all relationships I've ever had, but especially my parents, Bf, and my previous T.

Obviously I've cared very deeply about all of them. I think they also cared deeply for me. There have been good times, there have been less good times.

And it fucking sucks how hard it is to keep that in mind all at the same time. It's not that I go from hate to love, it's that I go from seeing a bit of context to seeing none. It's that the good makes me doubt the bad, and vice versa.

It makes me feel like I am very damaged, and I guess I probably am. I'm damaged because I can get into that place of mistrust and discard people. Look, I generally am a kind person and I do not literally discard people. But sometimes it feels that way when I try to find words for things that happened. It's like I can't keep the full context in mind or else it hurts way too much.

For example, I love my mum. I really love her. And she's fought for me and I have a feeling that at the end of the day, she'll still be there for me in some way. But also she's done things that have been very painful for me and still are - while she *has* been trying her best.

With Bf, I feel similarly. I know he loved me and tried to do everything in his power to help me. And yet he hurt me so freaking much. Both while he was trying to help, and when he hurt me on purpose, I still believe he was doing the best he could at that time. Same with my dad.

And with my previous T, it's also obvious that she cared for me and wanted the best for me. And there really is so much she did right. So am I just exaggerating the things that hurt me? Am I just framing it in some way that makes it seem like bad things have happened to me?

I keep getting so many thoughts about how I just need to grow up, suck it up, and do better. I think there is truth in that. To some extent the things I've found traumatizing have been wake-up calls for how I needed to grow. I know my parents always said I'm so spoiled and entitled, etc., and I think that I am. It's hard to do something about it when you're a child, but I'm not a child anymore. It's just so weird to be spoiled and entitled AND neglected and over-controlled at the same time.

It's like how I think back to those times when I felt happy and in those moments I had zero access to ever feeling any different. That's what I needed to have blissful short moments of connection. Like those nights when my mum pet me on my back or belly. I was convinced that I was a cat and that was the Me that could take in something like that.

During the yoga class I heard other parts being disgusted by it. How could I put myself in harm's way like that? How could I go so close to the scary dragons?

I guess that's how I still feel about relationships. I know I need them, but when I start to think about the fact that they come with some level of hurt, instead of thinking that's okay, I get suicidal thoughts instead. I know there are parts of me that would rather die than live in such an imperfect world. And they're very extreme in that and part of what makes me feel like a spoiled brat.

It's so hard to fathom that I've been lucky in some regards and unlucky in others. That people who love you can break you down, with or without intending to. And that I wasn't equipped with the skills to handle that, and still largely am not able to. The large scary dragons are not large scary dragons in my life anymore, they're smaller, slightly less scary dragons now. But still scary!

[insomaniacat]

orv spoilers

tbh I'm so happy there is no explicit romance in orv (minus the brief stuff that happens with jhw and lhs) and because of that I feel like I've been able to appreciate kdj in such a profound way as a character

like sure i like joongdok and yoohankim but to me at least kdj has this level of asexuality to him that I don't usually associate him with anyone that romantically. And their relationships are still as complex and has such a great depth that they are like THE foundest of families and I can return to the kim dokja company at the end of the day as all of them being my comfort characters. you know that saying like 'i love you so much i'd make the world burn for you'? it's meant to be this dramatic line about how much you love someone (romantically), but kdj's company fully encapsulates this in a platonic way that just isn't cringey or anything like that

they are all so platonic but they love each other to such an unconditional way that they ALL decide to relive through all the scenarios again in the hope of finding kim dokja again. and later, they all help to write and spread a story - stories, the thing the reader loves - again, in hopes of bringing kdj back home. they aren't sure if it'll work, but it is through this love they all have that they don't give up and put their hope in this seemingly impossible method

and this is also what makes them fundamentally different from kdj. unlike kim dokja in the apocalypse, they do not have any sort of proof their methods will work. kdj has twsa - the novel he grew up reading, the novel he fantasized living in, the novel that he's spent 13 years following, learning every nook and cranny and probably even planning out his own way to survive the apocalypse from this lengthy novel. he has some sort of assurance his methods will work, with the amount of time hsy put into describing the settings (remember that twsa was not popular and one of the complaints was that tls123 put too much emphasis on the settings that deterred people from reading it, when really, that too was a way to ensure kdj survived the apocalypse later on). he has had time to reassure himself and plan for it, and probably had yjh case test them all

but kdj's company had no assurance - they did not grow up with a book that confirmed their methods of bringing kdj back would work. they did not have any 'third plans', no 'ressurections', no 'restarts', that kdj had in the apocalypse. all they had was their own hope - something kdj didn't have when he was fifteen sitting in that hospital bed after that failed suicide attempt, feeling like the whole world was against him. Until he searched up those three words on his phone. Those three words that were probably 'Ways of Survival'.

And then he found his hope in twsa. he found his hope in yjh, the protagonist made just for him. he found hope in the story that he believed in for the next thirteen years. the story that got him through high school, the CSATs, the military. his hope was in this tangible book that carried him through the apocalypse.

kdj's company had none of that. they only had their hope in kim dokja - the man they survived the scenarios with. they could only put their hope in their memories of surviving with the man that saved them, even though there was no evidence he lived in their world anymore. they had to put their hope in the fact that they remembered he existed, even though they had to acknowledge that they didn't know everything about him.

sing shong touches upon this idea a lot throughout orv - does something really exist if no one knows about it? or, in a more modern saying, did a fallen tree in a forest really fall if no one heard it? what proves the existence of something? what proves that something truly happened? sing shong seems to make it pretty clear that the existence of something can be represented metaphorically like a 'story', and stories need a 'reader', some sort of spectator that witnesses it, for the 'story' to exist.

for kim dokja, his final sacrifice, where he split into infinite little pieces scattered across the universe, was to ensure that everything existed. that open ending, as tragic as it was, was meant to be comforting. that his sacrifice was supposed to be so existences like you and me, are real. no matter how lonely we may feel throughout our lives, a metaphorical 'kim dokja' is looking at our own stories, spectating our own stories, even living our own lives himself.

and what i hate to say sometimes is that kim dokja is not really a character - he is an idea. he is an idea of some being affirming our lives, that it's real, that what we do from day to day, even something as simple as getting up in the mornings and brushing your teeth, or thumbing through a store catalog, matters. and this is why kim dokja sacrificed himself. for all the stories that may have not 'existed' if no one was watching it.

and it's out of love. this tragic, terrible love for the world, that eats away at yourself until you are nothing. but at least you exist.

[pseudophan]

Nora I just saw a whole ass TikTok about dnp being in a qpr. I can’t do this anymore

nobody will erase gay relationships more than internet users trying to be inclusive

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Instruction on Courtship

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[rottmnt-residuum]

Any other LGBTQ+ Headcannons that are canon is the comic??;)

*patiently awaits Cupioromantic Donnie*

hmm... had to think about this for a while and talk about it with co-author, but here's what we got. we mostly base this stuff on how plausible it is in show/if there's evidence for it. with a dash of personal experience. This only applies to residuum, btw. I have different personal headcanons for these characters outside the comic.

april: lesbian. this is mostly based off of the fact that most aprils get with their caseys & the comment she said to dale. which could be taken as disinterest in dale specifically, but she seemed more concerned with impressing that popular girl earlier and that reads as more... saphic, i suppose. or at the very least homoromantic.

raph: raph is just raph. we look at him and basically just *tv static*. go crazy. all we got is jokes or stuff that has too little evidence to support. so, yeah, he's whatever you want him to be i guess?

leo: trans. already said my reason in the other post. also, gay. if gay were a power source he could power the entirety of the united states for five months straight without a single power outage. failing power grid notwithstanding (< thats the actual word. its supposed to be mushed together like that. wack.).

donnie: as much as i'd like him to be ace/aro spectrum rep, he just doesn't have the evidence in show for us to apply it to him in this comic. it's funny, for being hc as ace so often he sure is the most outwardly romantic/sexual turtle in the show lmao. one! cherry: "you're so cute, but you're so mean! why do i always go for your type?" two! astrogirl?? (whatever her name is) he is very very romantic with her. he has a type y'all. also just look at those two, he's a leg man lmao (bootyyshaker9000 anyone? ha!) anyway. and with the bromance/instant chemistry he had with that one guy in the purple dragons... Pan. or possibly Omni as he does seem to favor... cute brutal femme... Yeah. Omnisexual.

(you have no idea how fucking bad i want this boy to be ace spectrum. hes got the colors y'all!! The Colors!!!!! but alas... i am bound by my canon plausibility creed for this comic)

mikey: ace. possibly ace/aro. he shows interest in literally no-one. we're aware that the common hc is pan but... we know a pan 13 year old, and let me tell you ahahahaha, kids going through puberty are very uncomfortable to be around sometimes, especially around their partners. or crushes. and mikey... well, that boy is ace behavior personified lmao. aces in the back you get what we mean right?? right??? anyway commiting to aroace

[shorlinesorrows]

okay, a couple things on alien stage/ivantill that I think some folks maybe need to consider and internalize.

Till does not "need" to return Ivan's feelings in the slightest if he doesn't feel that way. It's heart wrenching to see Ivan love him and have those feelings unreturned, but please remember that no one is required to return romantic feelings for someone else. You can't make yourself love someone, and you shouldn't. Especially out of guilt or obligation. That's Unhealthy 101, and would only set a relationship up for failure. (I do think Till cared about Ivan, and that he's going to have a Guilt Complex based on the fact that he didn't fully notice Ivan's feelings/care toward him until the guy died, but I've seen a couple of people tear into Till for not noticing/reciprocating Ivan's feelings??? Don't do that??? their situation is shitty, the fact that they didn't get to talk is shitty, but please don't blame Till for things he Can't Control.)

The kiss was not consensual. It wasn't meant to be portrayed as such. It wasn't even really romantic, it was a desperate, selfish act that Ivan used to get Till's attention (in more ways than one) and to give himself some sense of closure before he died. It was him saying everything that he felt at once, with no chance for Till to reciprocate or deny the affection. In a perfect world, they could have talked instead of this, maybe kissed knowing both wanted it, or given Till a chance to refuse. But they're both in the middle of an essential death tournament and one of them is going to be murdered sometime in the next few minutes. Neither of them really wants to live, but Ivan feels he has unfinished business before his sacrifice, so he finishes it. Their situation sucks. That doesn't mean the kiss was consensual. (especially considering the theory/implication that Till was/is being sexually assaulted by aliens, I wouldn't be surprised if this affects him badly in the future, for multiple reasons. Everyone should always get the chance to say "no" and have that fully respected. This also extends to the fact that Ivan died for Till without giving him a chance to stop it, which is probably going to mess with Till's head a lot. Then again, Ivan likely didn't think it would affect Till much because as far as he/we know, the feelings aren't reciprocated in this moment in canon, or are extremely repressed. Ivan might believe that Till simply hates him, or the kiss/subsequent "choking" may have been a way of trying to make Till hate him so that his death wouldn't hurt as much. Of course that thinking is flawed, because it would hurt Till no matter what, but still, it makes me sad)

Ivan... is kinda messed up. I adore him, but we've got to acknowledge that he has little to no emotional and relationship maturity due to the fact that he was quite literally raised as a pet and learned at a young age to do whatever his masters said to keep himself safe and pain-free. His fascination with Till appears to largely stem from Till's sense of rebellion. Ivan's examples of relationship dynamics and what constitutes as "love" is dangerously unbalanced, and he does not know how to build a healthy relationship. (Neither of them do.) This is also built onto the fact that the person he became dependent on only paid attention to him when they were fighting or Ivan was annoying him. Ivan cares about Till desperately, but he is also dangerously reliant on him to the point of self-detriment. Again, in an ideal world, they would be able to get out of this situation and gradually make a healthy relationship/friendship (depending on Till's feelings) over time while starting to undo the dangerous relationship patterns that they fell into when they didn't have any way to know better. But they're in a terrible situation, and Ivan really just doesn't get the chance to grow as a person and realize that his sense of possessiveness and reliance on Till's attention isn't healthy.

Basically, their situation makes me want to sob and its heart wrenching. Their circumstances have set them up for failure. Both of them are in the midst of attempting to survive an abusive situation and massive amounts of dehumanization. I beg, please try not to sanitize their complicated relationship or blame either of them for the pain the other is going through. I've seen some of that going around, and it's making me sad :(

[iamumbra195]

You know what? I'm tired of pretending so I'm just going to admit it:

I think romantic Tayden is fucking adorable, especially with a dash of queerplatonic Aidlyn on the side. They have some of the same interests like skateboarding and rock climbing and Ashlyn taught them both how to dance according to Red's insta so they could be a cute best friends to lovers type of thing.

I feel like they would be a very fluffy, feel-good type of romance and they complement each other really well in my opinion. I don't know why I just love them so much.

[strangeasf]

I really truly don't get this whole bucktommy and buddie rivalry.. I mean I love buddie and I really like bucktommy and don't understand the problem of liking and rooting for both. yeah, at the same time. what happened, everyone forgot about multishipping? why can't two ships coexist in peace??

[gothaminsurance]

I don't think Bruce Wayne is the kind of man capable of a happy, long-term, committed monogamous relationship. With anyone.

Certain types of polyamory? Sure. On again off again? Absolutely. But any attempt at a quote-unquote "normal" relationship would always end in disaster because he would be unable to compromise his control over his life for someone else.

[hephaestuscrew]

I'm not the first person to say this, but there really is something groundbreaking about the lack of romantic plotlines in Wolf 359.

Wolf 359 is a story aimed at and about adults. It's partly about what it means to be human. It's partly about how we exist in relation to other people. It's partly about interpersonal connection and understanding. It has character relationships at its heart. It features so many moments of love and care between characters. It takes place across just over two years of the characters' lives, with 61 episodes and a main cast that grows to a decent size.

And despite all this, the show doesn't feature a single canonical 'on-screen' romantic (or sexual) relationship. Perhaps that shouldn't be as rare as it is, but it's one of the many things that makes Wolf 359 special to me.

[incesthemes]

"their relationship is romantic" "their relationship is familial" "their relationship is platonic" you're thinking too narrow. their relationship goes beyond labels. the family is inherently queer. their platonic love is romantic. the erotic is familial. each one is the other and the other is them

[xchronicles]

I am so tired of seeing arguments against J/C, saying that Kate never wanted them together on Voyager because it would blah blah blah. Guess what? We are in agreement and we understand why it was necessary, especially when you consider the context of the time when the show was made. We fully support why it had to be done that way back then.

But times change; narratives and characters evolve, and views and perceptions shift. If anything, Voyager's inability to ever have two adult characters discuss their feelings ended up falling into another trap - they had Chakotay go after the 'prettier and younger' girl. You know what kind of message that sent to girls and women? You can have the most profound relationship in the universe with someone, yet he will still pick the prettier girl over you, even if they have nothing in common.

Prodigy had the perfect opportunity to subvert expectations by making them canon because, in retrospect, the 'will they, won't they' dynamic was predictable.

It was stated multiple times that they were afraid it would completely take over the show, but I don’t see almost anyone mentioning that this is exactly what happened with Wesley. Every podcast I listen to spends 50% of the time talking about Wesley, while the main Protostar crew is hardly ever discussed. J/C is also mentioned in passing. It all became about Wesley. In trying so hard to avoid falling into the imaginary J/C trap, they ended up in a much worse one, where all any Trek fan wants to talk about isn’t the Protostar kids or J/C, but Wesley and Wil Wheaton.

 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[contagious-watermelon]

so have we advocated for QPRs being a known relationship option bc its important that people not be boxed in by preconceived labels and notions, or are we just trying to extend the pressure to get into a committed relationship to aromantic people after they try to escape the bounds of amatonormativity

[moe-broey]

Amateur Hour but I gotta outsource this. Aromantics. Heed my call. What is "romantic" love to a non-believer?

Bonus Round if you're not entirely ace -- does experiencing any amount of sexual attraction influence your answer? Also acknowledging that both aro/ace identities exist on a spectrum. Believe me. I am deeply familiar... with so many kinds of spectrums........... 🧍

Also if this breaches containment It's Not That Serious........... just a personal question. For a friend. Me 🙂‍↕️

[fictionadventurer]

"If the structure of your world ever evaporates, I will still be here."

I think The Q might contain one of the greatest declarations of friendship/love ever.