#whose friend’s don’t understand that I wouldn’t date anyone ESPECIALLY men

[local-falsettos-obsession]

Being Aroace is like the power move of anyone who is AroAce. “I have a crush on you” I’m AroAce. Instant broken heart. “Wanna bang?” I’m AroAce. Horniness? GONE. “We should date” I’m AroAce. Instant broken heart part 2. “Omg you two should date” I’m AroAce. Instant payback. “Omg is that your boyfriend?” I’m AroAce. Wait nope that doesn’t work… I’m a QPR lesbian… nope still doesn’t work… god my friends are annoying…

[malfoys-demigod]

Boy-Magnet - Draco Malfoy x Reader

Prompt: “Don’t you think that’s a little extreme?”, “Thank you, it means a lot to me.”

Summary: Being the opposite of a chick-magnet, you attracted many single boys who always tried hitting on you or asking you on a date. These boys all had the wrong intentions, especially Cormac McLaggen who had to be the biggest problem of them all. Draco couldn’t stand seeing his friend/secret crush go through this all. Little did you know, he would give his last fend off, showing that he would be there for you at all times now. 

Word count: 3.6k 

Tagging @the--queen-of-hell

A/N: Ah!! It’s a bit scratchy but this oneshot should do it! Enjoy!

--  “Hey Y/N, you free this weekend?” asked a passerby whose friends started chuckling as they walked past you in the corridors. 

“Nope,” you irritatingly answered and rolled your eyes as you were waiting for your friend Daphne to leave the classroom she just had classes in. 

You checked the time from your antique chain watch, looking at how classes should have ended five minutes ago for Daphne. But then again, she was having Professor Binns’ History of Magic so he would have gone overtime without knowing. 

“Silly old ghost,” you muttered to yourself as you placed the watch back into your sling bag. You were lucky you didn’t have to fill another class like Binn’s into your schedule unlike Daphne who was advised to take History of Magic if she wanted to become a professor. 

“I can agree with you,” came the voice who replied to you. Looking up, you saw Cormac McLaggen walking towards you slowly with his hands in his robe pockets, smirking at you. “Too bad I still have him this year,” his hand pressed the wall, making his body closely face yours. 

“How unfortunate,” you tried sounding as lively as possible. 

The obnoxious boy let out a laugh, thinking you were interested in the conversation he started, pulled up his History of Magic book and waved it in front of you. “I was thinking,” he said looking at the book, “If you could tut-”

Daphne Greengrass was the first one to have forcefully brushed the doors of the classroom you were standing by open, storming out with a sigh of relief as she saw your figure waiting by. 

“Merlin’s beard!,” she boomed, “Thank you so much for waiting, Y/N.” She looked tired as if she slept through the whole class time but seeing that she drew on her arms with her quill meant that she was wide awake, bored out of her mind as she did not want to write useful information from the class. 

When she looked at the person who was closely in front of you, she knew what she had to do as she pulled you by the arm and said, “We have to go! Uh,” she looked down, left and right, thinking of a quick excuse, “The boys want to meet us!” She looked at Cormac who seemed uncomfortable hearing that there were boys who were more valued than his time. “Beat it, McLaggen.” she said as she dragged you away from the scene, going wherever was the farthest from him. 

“The boys, huh? Very specific of you, Daph,” you laughed. Turning left and then turning right, the two of you had entered the Great Hall, the nearest place with the most people to use as a way to hide from ill men like Cormac. 

“Right,” she exhaled from running so quickly. “We’re okay here?” 

“I suppose,” you shrugged, “I actually would love a snack anyways.” 

The two had gone to the ends of the Slytherin table which was the edge facing the professors’ table when they usually had their meals. While you were placing your bag by your side, Daphne had already asked for pumpkin juice and sandwiches from the elves. 

When she was finished ordering, she looked at you with concerned eyes as she placed a hand on your shoulder. “Sorry class took long. I bet if Binns was aware of the time, you wouldn’t have encountered that slimy boy.” 

“It’s alright, Daphne. I just hate how there are still so many ill-minded boys in this school who think they can just claim me as their own. I wish I wasn’t some magnet to them,” you sighed, laughing. 

Daphne nudged your shoulder, shaking her head from left to right. “Don’t ever say that! You’re lucky boys go after a beautiful girl like you, but sadly they go after you in the wrong way. You just need to learn how to defend yourself without anyone helping you.”

“True, but I suppose having a boyfriend would be nice too,” you joked. Daphne rolled her eyes in a joking manner as she drank from her pumpkin juice. 

“Sign me up too, Y/N,” she sighed, “Oh Merlin, why can’t you help me out!,” Daphne looked up to the ceiling, pretending to pray for a miracle. 

While you were laughing your arse off, footsteps belonging to a group were walking towards your end of the table. You only noticed when a body slid into the table, sitting beside you. 

“Gone nuts haven’t we, Greengrass?,” said the voice. 

Daphne and you turned to the right, looking at Draco and his gang who had just arrived with a grand meal through the magic of the elves. 

Your friend nodded, taking in another sip of her pumpkin juice. “Crazy times we live in, Malfoy.”

Draco gave a small nod in return, then looked at you, giving you a friendly warm smile. As he smiled from his mouth, it was also as if his gray eyes were smiling as well. 

“Afternoon, Y/N,” he politely greeted you, “I would have assumed by your childish laugh that you had gone nuts as well, but then again, I can’t picture you going nuts, especially over someone trying to ask Merlin helplessly.”

The whining ‘Hey, I’m right here!’ from Daphne was ignored and spaced out as you were in the zone with Draco’s conversation. 

You smiled as a result of hearing the smooth comment the platinum blonde had given you. Stroking a loose hair strand behind your ear, you shyly looked down. 

“Well, Draco. I’m full of surprises. I could go nuts any minute by now.,” you replied, looking back up as if your confidence had just brought you back alive. 

“Not on my watch, Y/L/N. Besides, what could possibly drive you nuts? You’re one of the most calm people around school. You don’t have annoying people such as saint Potter on your shoulder everyday.” 

Scoffing, you shook your head, denying the things he had just said. That was by far the most untrue statement anyone had ever told you. Your whole life constantly revolved around people trying to hook up with you and trying to fend off those same people. 

“Have you ever seen the countless mindless boys who try asking me on a date?,” you laughed. “It’s not fun to decline their offers.” 

Draco’s face had hardened as he knew what you were talking about. The way he commented how he assumed you didn’t have people on your backs to fend off was all bluffs. He had seen the evil minded boys who had tried to get physically close to you, and he even heard many betting which one would claim you as theirs that he even threatened to hex most of them whenever you weren’t around. 

“Why would you decline them? Surely you’d want to go on a date with someone.”

You tilted your head, “Yes, I would but most of these boys don’t have the right intentions. I can somehow feel it.” 

Draco nodded, understanding what you meant. He took a lowkey angry bite off his sandwich, visualizing the many boys he would often overhear by the corridors. 

“I can assure you that there’s only a few boys with the right mindset,” he stood up, causing his group to stand up as well. He looked at you with careful eyes, “You take care, Y/N. See you back at the common room. Excuse us.” 

You waved goodbye, smiling pleasantly at Draco as he turned around, leading his group out of the Great Hall. Daphne could see the way you smiled at Draco, treating him differently from the rest of the other boys in school. She nudged you in the shoulder again, making you finally turn back to her with a dazed look. 

“I know Malfoy’s.. Well Malfoy, but he’s quite nicer than the rest of the boys in school towards you.” she detected. 

“He seems like it.” you agreed. 

--

Potions class with the Slytherins was a joined class with the Gryffindors. This was one of the many classes that you had with other houses and one of the few that was shared with the Gryffindors. Today was promised by Professor Snape to be an interactive class. 

So aside from the usual potion experiments, Snape informed everyone that today’s experiments would be done in the way wherein he would pick pre-made pairs from his list to do the experiment together. 

While you were hoping to be paired with Daphne or anyone that was willing to let aside the ill-minded questions on their minds to focus on the experiment with you, Draco was hoping to be paired with you. 

Being a table behind you, he didn’t have to look back at you and pray that he was going to be paired with you. He had the chance to look in front of him and watch your reaction when you finally get picked to be with him. 

To kill the suspension throughout the whole classroom, Snape grabbed the list on his desk and stood in front of the class. 

“Greengrass and Zabini.” 

Draco watched as Daphne, your seatmate, pouted and waved goodbye as she moved out of her seat to be with Blaise. He felt like Merlin was in his side as the chances of being paired with you only grew higher. 

“Potter and Granger.” 

Draco rolled his eyes and wanted to throw his head back. ‘Nobody gives a damn!’ he impatiently said to himself. 

“Y/L/N and McLaggen.” 

Draco’s heart felt like stopping as he heard a name that was not his be paired with you. He looked at McLaggen who smirked to himself as he started moving his way to your table. 

“Malfoy and Weasley.”

“Oh, come on!” Ron complained, only for Snape to smack him in the head with his list. Draco was too discontented to see Cormac take the spot he was yearning for that he didn’t even have the emotion to bark at Ron for being his partner. 

Throughout the entire experiment, Draco’s eyes were on the table in front of him. As every second passed, he kept praying that Cormac would somehow get poisoned from inhaling whatever ingredients he could have misplaced, making him run to the Hospital Wing so he could stop looking at you with such puppy eyes. 

Despite being the best potion student of the class, Draco was really off his game. He couldn’t stop paying attention to you that he would single-handedly make little mistakes throughout the whole experiment that Ron started getting annoyed by. Even if Ron wasn’t one of the best potions students, he had to fix the mistakes Draco kept filling in with. 

“Bloody hell, Malfoy. I thought you were the top of our class!” Ron complained as he picked up the ingredients Draco had dropped, assuming that he placed it in the pot. “Why are you so lousy all of a sudden?” 

Draco definitely did not hear a single word Ron had said as his eyes and ears were on you and McLaggen. He was listening to how you were trying your best to be patient with Cormac. He was a mess just like Draco, only to find out that he was always a mess in potions. He wasn’t as keen and smart as Draco in this class - he was far from that. He couldn’t tell which ingredient was which, which made you wonder how he’s been getting by with potions class. 

“Why don’t I do the experiment for us?” you irritatingly suggested. “You can still experience the experiment by observing.” 

“I’m terribly sorry, Y/N,” Cormac playfully pouted, “I’m such a mess when it comes to these things.”

Draco rolled his eyes, muttering to himself that Cormac was indeed a terrible mess in general. He then watched Cormac rest his head on the palms of his hand as he watched you continue with the experiment like a hopelessly in-love puppy. Draco wanted to smack the head of Cormac for being such an annoying person, not doing his job, and looking at you in the way he wanted to look at you. 

“You know, Y/N,” Cormac said, “You’re really good at potions. I bet you do all sorts of talents with your hands.” 

Draco narrowed his eyes in anger, holding the table with such grip as he was trying to compose himself from breaking out and hexing the life out of Cormac. How dare him have the audacity to say such a thing to you! Where were his manners? This was an outrage! Draco couldn’t take it anymore. He looked at you, heavily focused on the experiment that you did not hear the last thing Cormac said. 

“Uh-huh.” was all you said. 

“Do you think you could perhaps tutor me in potions?” Cormac asked, “I know a secluded spot for the two of us in the library.” He wriggled his eyes, expecting that you were going to turn to him and accept the offer gladly. 

“No thanks, McLaggen.” you nonchalantly declined the offer as you were still focused on brewing the experiment. “Pass me the whisk, will you?” 

As Cormac passed the whisk, there was a lingering touch from his hand as he tried feeling the smoothness of your hand for a little longer. You turned to look at a grinning McLaggen as you aggressively took the whisk away from him, removing his touch from you with a disgusted look. 

“You’re welcome.” Cormac sounded as if he depended on the thanks he was waiting for. You just gave him a scoff as you didn’t even bother looking back at him. 

Draco was furious from the inside. He asked himself, ‘How could Merlin bring such a badly behaved and disgusting person like Cormac McLaggen into this world?’ As he angrily chopped more ingredients, he couldn’t stand witnessing monstrosities like this. Then again, there were many boys that probably tried courting you without him there, so the unknown number of attempts that he wasn’t there to fend off made him grow more furious than he already was. 

--

After class, you made your way to the one place where you could easily gather your thoughts. 

The Black Lake. 

If Draco Malfoy claimed the Astronomy Tower as ‘his place’, then the Black Lake was yours. You didn’t have to travel a flight of stairs to gather your thoughts. It only took you a good walk away from the castle to make it to the famous lake. 

The Black Lake was the place where you could distress yourself from the immense workload your classes would give you. It was the place where you could talk to yourself, vent and rant to yourself about the things that bother you. It was the place you could be at for hours. 

There were barely people who normally hung around the lake as they were scared of Merpeople dragging them into the water. It was nonsense. Of course there were merpeople but people had to understand that they lived in the bottom of the lake. Why would they swim to the top-most part of the lake and attempt dragging people down with them?

When you finally arrived at your favorite place, you rested your back on one of the massive rocks by the trees to get a perfect view of the lake. You opened up your Defense Against the Dark Arts book, attempting to learn more things in advance. This class may have not been your strongest class, but it wasn’t the weakest class either. But either way, you wanted to do some advance reading since you did not have anything else to do for the day. 

“Now,” you said, turning to the next page, “Which spell should I learn today?” Your eyes were looking through familiar spells that you either have tried out before or did not interest you. You flipped to more pages, searching for more interesting spells but you ran out of luck. The ones you wanted would have caused mass destruction in a place such as the Black Lake. Also, extreme spells were not allowed to be practiced alone. 

Feeling defeated, you closed your Defense Against the Dark Arts Book and sighed, placing it back on your bag. “I suppose watching the Lake for awhile would suffice,” you said to yourself as you hugged your knees, watching the body of water that the lake had embodied. 

“Perhaps I could be of use for entertainment.” said a voice that had come out of nowhere. 

Surprised by the voice, you had looked left and right to see where the voice might have come from. But there was nobody. Suddenly, hands covered your eyes, blocking your sight and turning everything you saw into darkness. 

“Guess who.” said the same voice that had now whispered into your ear. The thrills that ran along your spine could only mean one thing. Cormac McLaggen. You furiously grabbed a hold of his hands and shoved it away from your eyes as you stood up, turning around to push the playful Gryffindor. 

“What the hell, McLaggen!” you screamed, walking a few steps backwards. 

Cormac cheekily smiled, walking a few steps towards you. “Come on, sweetcheeks. I know you’re just trying to play hard to get with silly old me.”

Your eyebrows narrowed in anger as you have heard the most ridiculous thing from his mouth. “You’re out of your mind. I despise boys like you who think they can just come up to me and act all playful with me. Why can’t you bark up another tree for once?!” 

Cormac pulled you and forcefully pressed you against the nearest tree. He stroked your cheek with his left hand while his right hand was carefully holding you tightly in your waist. He leaned into your ear, whispering, “Because,” he said, “you are-”

“STUPEFY!” casted a voice. 

Cormac’s body had flown off of you and into the ground, ten meters away from you. You exhaled in relief and saw that it was Draco Malfoy who had casted the spell. When he saw that Cormac was unconscious for a second, his eyes went to you. He ran towards you, placing his hands on your shoulder, looking up and down to see if you were hurt. “Are you okay, Y/N? Dammit, if only I had gotten here faster. Merlin’s beard I swear, I already threatened that asshole twice today. If he-”

“MALFOY” Cormac yelled as the Gryffindor tried properly standing on his own. 

Draco saw that McLaggen was almost on his feet. To stall things, he had quickly casted a “Glisseo”, resulting in Cormac to slip and fall on his own bottom as the spell caused him to flatten steps into a slide. Once Cormac fell once again, Draco looked at you with concerned eyes, “My dear, are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I am now that you’re here.” you honestly told him. “He just happened to get in the way, honestly.” 

“Right, well, it’s time I show you what I've been trying to do ever since vile gits like him have been trying to get on you.” Draco said, looking now at Cormac. “Oy!”

Cormac stood up, looking at Draco with sore eyes. 

“Yeah, you great ugly brute! Come at me, Gryffindork!” Draco confidently opened himself. 

McLaggen infuriatingly started dashing towards Draco as if he was a bull that saw Draco holding up a red flag. Before he could jump and tackle Draco onto the ground, Draco did the opposite of lowering his wand and casting, “Wingardium Leviosa!” on Cormac, who began levitating off the ground. 

Your mouth opened with excitement as Cormac demanded that he be let down immediately. Draco’s wand then pointed at the Black Lake which dragged Cormac’s body above the cold-icy lake. When Cormac had realized where he was being placed, there was fear in his eyes as he started whimpering, apologizing and crying. 

“Shall we drench him?” Draco shouted, pretending he was the ringleader of a carnival. 

“No, no, please don’t!” Cormac begged. 

“I think we should!” Draco sounded happy. “And into the water you go!” With that, Draco pointed his wand to the water, bringing Cormac in for a sweet drench. Then Draco abruptly brought him back on air, only for him to place him back on the water. The action of bringing Cormac back down and back up was done continuously for a good five minutes as Draco was amused and entertained by what he was seeing. 

It was funny at first to watch, but five minutes was enough for you. You started to feel bad for Cormac even if he was an awful person to you. 

“Draco?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Don’t you think that’s a little extreme?” 

Draco scoffed and laughed. “Don’t you think he deserves extreme consequences?” 

“True, but I think that should be enough.” 

“In a minute, I’m nearly satisfied with my doings.” 

Seeing that Draco was focused on the punishment he was giving Cormac, you thought of one way that could possibly prevent him from continuing his doings. You walked closer to him, slowly enveloping him with a soft hug. 

Being unfamiliar with such actions from someone like you, Draco without delay, had lowered his wand, resulting in dropping Cormac into the water, possibly sinking him into the depths of the lake as the water that day was extremely cold. 

The platinum blonde had surprisingly hugged you back even softer than expected as he brushed the strokes of your hair. He placed his chin on your head as he closed his eyes, taking in the fact that the two of you were hugging each other. 

“Thank you, it means a lot to me.” you said.

“I promise you, Y/N, that I will always be there for you. Whether it be fending off jokes like McLaggen or comforting you in any possible way, I assure you, I will be there for you. I won’t let you off my sight.”

“That’s good,” you smiled, “I’m going to do the same thing for you.” 

[ghost0loxer]

Imagine, a gender fluid teenager like myself has a favourite/feel-good film and that film is “Just One of the Guys,”from the mid 80s.

Picture this: theatre class, we watch “She’s The Man”, a dreamworks film from the 2000s. And yet, the social justice issues within the film are glaringly obvious to today’s society. Don’t get me wrong, it can be a funny film in a group setting - but then there are scenes that are just uncomfortable. Now, we discussed these themes in class, but I just can’t help but think about the film that came before it. Yes, StM (she’s the mans) is a modern day adaption of Shakespeare’s “Twelfth Night” but I was thinking about the modern day adaption before StM, “Just One of the Guys” from the mid 80s.

I love this film. For multiple reasons, which I hope to discuss.

Number one, our main character. Terry Griffith is stubborn. If she thinks something is right, she won’t let anyone say no or get in her way. Now in some cases, this is great. It’s definitely a shift in the usual romantic comedy female lead (especially for the 80s). But it’s one of her biggest flaws. In the beginning, Terry doesn’t win a contest for a part-time job at the Sun Tribune. She believes her article was amazing, but she speaks with her English teacher and he gives it to her straight. “You don’t have what it takes to be a reporter.” Her article is boring; it’s about the nutritional value of the lunch menu in the school cafeteria, of course it’s boring. But the words her teacher tells her has her convinced it’s because she’s a woman. Thus, she leaves school for two weeks and transfers as a buy to another school who are holding the same competition. Once she gives her article, she is told almost the same thing, but this time, she’s given proper feedback to improve it. Of course, there was some irony with this scene between Terry and the teacher. “Just because you’re guy, doesn’t mean you can’t be sensitive or light.” Thing is, she doesn’t give up, she strives to fix it and finds a new angle. I love her determination, I love the way she doesn’t let others push her around. Furthermore, her transition to a man. In StM, Viola as a guy is made to be cringey and comedic, you watch and think, there’s no way a guy would do that. But Terry, having grown up with a younger brother and is actually smart, manages to nail the role. Sure, she has slip-ups, but she stays afloat and she’s not being over the top. She’s chill and convincing, yet you as the audience can tell she’s trying to appear masculine. Her lines are witty and she’s sharp. Someone has something to say, she’ll be able to backtrack and answer with a joke or sarcasm quickly. I like smart characters.

Another point, the way women are written in this film. A lot of women in this film are treated like shit, but it’s probably a realistic depiction of the 80s. Everyone is talking about dating and sex, it seems to be the only topic the women in this film speak about, unless they are Terry. Terry seems to be the only character in this film whose main goal is not romance or sex. She strives to be a reporter, she wants to prove herself, and she rejects the advances upon her frequently. Whether it’s the boys asking her on dates in halls, or her own boyfriend attempting to seduce her when her parents aren’t home, she doesn’t put them above herself, yet she still lets them down easily, unless they become more pushy (case in point, her boyfriend, Kevin, in the beginning). She can stand up for herself, but she’s not the only one. Her best friend, Denise is one of the many women looking for love, nevertheless, she holds standards. I will admit, I didn’t like Denise’s acting in the beginning; she’s not a great character, but even she manages to reject men’s advances constantly. She’s not afraid to say it bluntly and she expresses her true emotions when certain guys try to ask her out. She tells it to them straight, and I respect her for that (despite her lack of empathy for some). Terry’s brother is constantly hitting on Denise, but she stands her ground. She doesn’t hit him or curse him out, she spins words around him and always lead back to the key word “no.”

This is my third, and maybe final point, (because I’m not great at writing but I’m starting to get tired) the way they handle sexual orientation. It seems if you’re going to make a film about a cross-dressing woman who falls in love with a man, you have to discuss sexuality and this film is not afraid to. That was my biggest beef with StM, when Viola confessed her love to Duke, the made it blatantly clear that it was “weird” and “unusual”; the editing and music cuts. It was done for comedic purposes, but in that moment, it just made me cringe. Even when the principal marched onto the field during the big match to expose Sebastian as “the woman he was all along,” he used a big megaphone and said to the whole crowd this man is in fact a girl. If it were to happen in the real world, and this character was a trans male, that would be traumatizing and so so insensitive. I couldn’t help thinking the way they handled the reveal in StM was poor and shitty.

But with JOotG (just one of the guys)? It’s done respectfully. Throughout the film, Buddy, Terry’s younger, sex-obsessed brother (I have thoughts on this character), often refers to Terry as a transvestite or sexually confused. They make references about her dating other women and jokes. It’s not treated like taboo, but just something people normally talk about, and as a questioning kid when I first watched the film, I really needed that. Although it was used for jokes, the fact that it wasn’t treated like a silent topic made me think more of it and discover who I was; it was media like this that made me accept myself.

Even with the reveal. Kevin, Terry’s boyfriend (or ex boyfriend by the end), stomps up to Terry after she’s wrestled with the school bully and was dumped into the waves at prom. Rick, who’s been Terry’s friend (and is the male lead) throughout her time at his high school, immediately questions who Kevin is and he responds with a harsh and sure “Terry’s boyfriend.” Of course, that doesn’t expose Terry as female, but makes Rick assume she’s a homosexual. But instead of calling her weird or replying negatively, he answers Kevin’s question calmly and says he’s just a friend. There is no prejudice, no disgust, Rick is shocked, but that’s expected. Furthermore, this reveal not only does not alienate homosexuality, it puts the center of focus on the main characters rather than have the whole audience/prom witness this exchange. Sure, the rest of the school is watching but the camera never pans over to them, and even then, Terry drags Rick away from the crowds to a secluded area to explain more.

Even once they’re secluded, Rick doesn’t yell at her or is homophobic. He just says “I understand, you’re gay.” As we know, Terry is not in fact gay and she reveals this to him in a similar fashion as StM, at least it’s not flashing a whole crowd. But the thing that hits me, is the fact that it’s not used as a joke or for comedy. Throughout the film, they’ve mentioned homosexuality and being transgender, but it was used as a light-hearted joke (nothing insulting or derogatory). In this moment, it’s not a joke, and it’s the bare minimum for a emotional scene like this, but it always hits me.

Of course, Rick gets justifiably mad that he’s been deceived and he storms off. Terry’s flaw catches up to her here, as she kisses him in front of the prom guests, stubborn to make him realize how much she cares. ( I didn’t agree with this action to be frank, I cringed ). The crowd gasps and it’s the usual reaction to a homosexual kiss and Rick just pulls back, says “It’s alright everyone, he’s got tits,” and leaves with Deborah.

In true romantic comedy fashion, life moves on. Terry gets the job at the Sun-Tribune after writing her article about posing as a guy and everyone who was longing for love in the beginning has found it, except Terry. The ending, however, is Rick coming back for her after a couple (days? Weeks? Idk all I know is it’s summer by the time he comes back, how much space between prom and summer?) and they kiss, go on a date and all is good.

Now after writing this long ass post, I’ve come to realize the main reason I like this film. Sure, Terry is a good character (not morally sometimes, but she’s interesting to watch), the way women are presented also is good, but my main source of affection for this film (in comparison to StM) is the way they handle the switching of genders. I’m gender fluid, I don’t always like being a woman or a man, I switch almost daily and half the time can’t decide if I want to grow out my hair or cut it. Seeing Terry, originally a woman, manage to convince people she was a guy made me wish I could do it too. It made me realize, I don’t always like being a woman. I want to be a guy sometimes, and I want that to be accepted. It was media like this, like Ouran High School Host Club, like Bare: A Pop Opera, that made me understand my gender and sexuality. (Even media that didn’t have any relation to LGBTQ+ helped).

When I first heard of “She’s the Man”, I had hoped it would be like these pieces of media. And it wasn’t. It was an alright film, but made me feel disappointed and somewhat let down. And that’s why I just prefer Just One of the Guys. Maybe it wouldn’t float in today’s political climate, maybe I’m wrong for seeing these points as reasons it’s one of my favorites, but its still better than StM and is one of my favourite films.

[uniarycode]

Takari Week 2021, Day 1 - Sibling Shenanigans.

Things have gotten too bad, Taichi and Yamato need an intervention. And if they pay close attention, they might learn something important.

Nah, who we kidding.

Written as part of @takariweek

In some ways, Yamato was Taichi’s closest friend. They had gone through hell and back together, forming an unbreakable bond.

That said, they had different tastes in music, TV, and basically anything. Taichi preferred to watch sports and anime, Yamato preferred dramas and cooking shows. Taichi flourished in the company of others, Yamato demurred in the presence of anyone he wasn’t familiar with.

But one pastime they could both agree on was a good old fashion round of Smash. Whenever it was just the two of them, they generally sat down, fired up the N64, and just let their preferred characters bash one out.

As they were doing until a few seconds ago when an unsightly banner obscured their view of the television. “intervention” was proudly displayed, with one ‘i’ dotted with the crest of courage and the other with the crest of friendship. The phrase was repeated in Japanese, just underneath, in case the translation caused them to miss the point.

Either end of the banner was affixed to a small wooden tripod, being gently lowered to the ground by a devious sibling.

“What’s going on?” Yamato grumbled, still mashing buttons on the control in hopes of gaining an edge. “And when did you even have time to make that?”

Hikari ignored the protestation “We’re here because we’re your family and we care about you. We hoped that time would heal this wound, but time is no longer on our side. You two will be going to college soon, and we need to break through to you before too late.”

“What are you talking about?” Taichi asked. “We were in the middle of something.”

“Smash can wait, we can’t keep putting this off.” She took a deep breath. “This may be hard to hear, but please understand, it needs to be said: You are atrocious when talking to girls.”

“What?”

“Look Taichi, you’ve already near exhausted all your high school options, if something doesn’t change, you’re going to end up alone and unloved, filling your apartment with pets for some form of companionship.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic?” he asked. She solemnly shook her head ‘No’ in response.

“Can I go?” Yamato cut in. “I have a girlfriend, if you remember. We’ve been dating for years now.”

“Yes, and she still calls me to rant about it after every date.” Takeru cut. “I can only clean up your messes for so long Yamato, you have to learn how to do it yourself. Or better yet, don’t make messes in the first place.”

“Ouch.” Taichi said, casting a sideways glance at his co-captive.

“You aren’t any better Taichi,” Hikari shot, “You had seven people and eight Digimon wingmaning you on a simple phone call, and you still managed to mess it up.”

This time it was Yamato who glanced at Taichi.

“Now.” Takeru said “The first thing you need to learn is observation. If you pay attention to someone and signal that you notice when something changes. This shows you care enough about the other person to actually look at them and remember what they looked like yesterday.”

He cleared his throat, “For example, if say, your girlfriend decides to style her hair differently, you should maybe compliment the style change, instead of being oblivious. Wouldn’t you say, Yamato?”

“It was one time.” Yamato grumbled.

“Perhaps a practical demonstration would be better.” Hikari said. “Oh, Takeru, Honey, sorry I’m late, the train was delayed.”

“Don’t worry about it Babe, I’m just glad you’re here. Hey is that a new ring?”

“Why yes, thank you for noticing,” she said, bringing her hands up and giving the ring a twirl. “my BFF got it for me as an end-of-middle school present.”

“Ahh, I could tell it was someone close to you, that’s your birthstone on top right?”

“Yep.”

Takeru turned back towards his unwillingly captive audience. “See how I not only noticed the ring, remarked upon it, but also showed I remember her birth date.”

Taichi looked across at Yamato, “Do you know any of the birthstones?” A shrug was the only answer.

“You may think observation is only for what you can see, but it’s deeper than that. Any piece of information falls under observation, and if you like a girl, you will do your best to remember anything you learn about her.” Hikari said.

“Observation is really important, right Hikari?” Takeru asked.

“Very, but knowing everything can’t help if you don’t know how to use it. Which brings us to lesson two.”

“Is this whole thing just a ploy for your sister to practice being a teacher?” Yamato muttered.

“Tact!” Hikari and Takeru declared in unison.

“Tact is pretty tricky. You mostly define it by what not to do. Like not being a dumbass.” Takeru said.

“True, tact can be hard to see when done well. It’s basically about avoiding the obvious traps. For example, when calling a girl whose Maine coon died recently, you should maybe try and avoid mentions about that dead cat, unless she needs to vent. Isn’t that right, Taichi?”

“That was one time.” He protested.

“Right, right, a demonstration?” Takeru asked, pulling a magazine out from behind his back, and pretending to flip through the pages.

“Oh Honey, there you are.” Hikari said looking him up and down. She paused for a few seconds, then pulled lightly on his arm. “Say, I hear there’s a Harry Potter-themed escape room running these days, how about we go there on our next date.”

Takeru put the magazine down “Oh, what’s that? Thanks Babe.” he asked.

Hikari turned back towards the couch. “Notice how I observed the story about his favorite basketball star being caught in a scandal, and deflected toward other interests, instead of stepping on that land mine.”

“How would we even think to notice that?” Yamato grumbled.

“With observation of course.” Takeru replied. “Notice everything, even the things that aren’t being conveyed directly.”

“Being perfect might work for you Takeru, but some of us are human.” Taichi said.

“Oh, I’m hardly the only guy with a girlfriend. You just have to put some effort in.” Takeru said, “Which is as good a segue as any to topic three: Compliments.”

“I know how to give a compliment.” Taichi said.

“Do you?” Hikari asked. “So if you were at the beach with say Sora, or Mimi, or Meiko, you would be able to properly compliment their swimsuits?”

“One time!” Yamato and Taichi yelled together.

“And yet three failures. Pretty poor performance when you think about it.” Takeru said.

“Compliments can be tricky; they require you to combine the previous two skills. You need to observe someone so the compliment makes sense, but you also need tact. Something that’s a compliment to one person may be a touchy subject to another.” Hikari explained.

“Especially when it comes to appearance and body parts,” Takeru said, “and you don’t want to get too accustomed to your compliments either, keep them fresh and exciting.”

“It’s amazing isn’t it Taichi?” Yamato asked.

“So many words and I don’t think they said anything.” He agreed.

“Perhaps the demonstration then.” Takeru said, turning to his partner. “Hikari, I saw you reading to some of the elementary students today, boy am I lucky to have such a kind girlfriend.”

“Don’t mention it. I enjoy it, and I like to think they did too. Say, can you open this jar for me? It should be easy for a strong man like you.” Hikari said.

Takeru mimed grabbing and opening a jar. “Anything for you Babe, say, is that a new shirt, you look positively radiant today.”

Hikari raised her hand to cover her giggle, “I’m so glad I have such a funny boyfriend. You know this is the school uniform, I’ve been wearing it for almost three years now.”

“Huh, you’re right. I guess I never noticed, every time I look at you I can’t help but be overwhelmed by those pools of milky hazel, whenever I see them, my troubles float away and I feel like I have the strength of a thousand men. I could spend hours just staring into those wells of pure emotion.”

“I, uh, uhh, I like your eyes too?”

Takeru let out a large laugh and the pair turned back to the couch to find it no longer occupied.

“That’s no good. They’ll never learn like this.” Takeru admonished

Hikari raised her hands again, twirling the promise ring on her finger. “Do you think they noticed?” she asked.

“Them? No way.” Takeru replied, “but that’s what makes it fun. See how long it takes before they catch on.”

“What if someone else tells them we’re dating first?”

Takeru shrugged, “Just say we already told them, they just weren’t paying enough attention.”

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Don’t Let Go ~ Alfie Solomons

I’m in love with one man and one man alone. Mum and dad love Alfie too, but they still can’t take him away from me ;;;

How did she end up like this, she wondered? They were family...Even though her last name was not legally “Shelby”, she was still a part of the family since she was born. The parents were best friends, and when her parents died, Polly took her in. And then, they grew up together - Same home, same beds, same food, same clothes...Same everything.

And then, war came, and while true, she was younger than even John - Not by much, only about 3 years - But that didn’t seem to bother either of the Shelby siblings, and she was especially close with Arthur and Ada, mostly because they were the ones with the warmest hearts, and could understand her gentle one as well..

However, Tommy was the smartest of the family, and Polly taught her enough about Gypsy street-smarts, so the three of them together somehow became the true heads of the family, the true backbone that kept everyone straight and together.

When war came, she was barely 16, and yet, she joined them, dressing as a man and pretending to be a volunteer physician, healing and running around the battlefield, only to end up helping them dig up tunnels and plant explosions...

And taking a bullet for Tommy.

And nearly dying.

But at least, by the time they returned home, 4 years later, she was called an honorary Shelby and Polly officially adopted her.

She wasn’t Y/N L/N anymore, she was Y/N Shelby, and she was damn proud of that.

She helped with fixing races, rode around with her gorgeous black mare, going to the Garrison with her brothers to make sure they don’t end up drunk, in a ditch, she helped the strategy against the Lee family, got beaten up by Sabini, beat him up right back, got in that whorehouse of a Russian noble family, let the Duchess touch her while in her underwear, got beaten up by the priest, had to blow up a train with good people and many more...

But nothing was bringing her down, because she was a Shelby, and she was strong - Mentally, Physically, Emotionally - And she wanted to make sure the family was together, or at least trying to hang on, somehow.

She was the perfect woman - Never drank, never smoked, never cursed, never did drugs, never did drugs, never dated anyone... 

But when one day, Thomas took her on a meeting at Alfie’s place... Boy of boy, was that entertaining.

She always appreciated Thomas’s ambition, cunning and intelligence...But Alfie?  Alfie was something else. Something much above him, no much smarter, so much better at scheming...And at everything, really. And she was attracted by him like moths to the light.

Back and forth talks, interesting insights on life, learning words in foreign languages that she didn’t know, but he did, and likewise, teaching her foreign stuff, talking to him about books and many other things...

And it was weird, but it almost seemed like she didn’t want to leave that place any time soon, but Thomas needed her for business, so what could she do, really?

And she agreed...And agreed...And agreed...

Until one day, when all things went completely upside down and...Sure, she did her job, and she was supposed to return to Alfie’s to have a chat with him and Tommy... And she did...

As soon as she stepped inside the “Bakery”, she saw Ollie, whose eyes widened in shock seeing her in that state.

“Miss Shelby, what happened?! Let me call the physician-...I’ll go inform Alfie-...” Ollie stumbled over his words, only to have her grab his sleeve and pull him back. “Don’t tell them I’m here. With the way I look, better make it a surprise. Tommy’s here, right?” she asked, slamming the doors open, walking inside, the clicks of her small heeled boots resounding all over the place. “B-But Miss Shelby, we have to treat you - “ Y/N simply shot him a glare, before continuing in a straight line.  “Ain’t a Shelby anymore.” she muttered, and soon, she reached the middle of the wide business room, as Alfie was sitting at his desk and Tommy was pacing.  “Y/N...Finally, you’ve arrived. What happened to you?!” Thomas asked, rushing to her side, only for her to push him away. “You lied to me, Thomas. You lied to me. You promised I wouldn’t get hurt. That you were gonna make sure they wouldn’t touch me. That I was gonna come back perfectly unharmed, not even a strand of hair touched. Only business talks. How do you think that went?” the girl looked down, her hands deep in her bloodied, yet incredibly fancy and silhouette-fitting high-waisted pants.  “What exactly happened with the Sabini meeting, Y/N? And why are you covered in blood?!” he asked, frowning. “It’s fine, not ALL of it is MY blood, thanks for worrying, THOMAS!” but as she rasped out his name, she started coughing up some blood, and as her side started burning in pain, she lifted her already disheveled shirt, applying pressure with her hand where she got shot to keep herself from bleeding out. “Well...This one is.” she used her sleeve to wipe her face, completely non-chalant. “Y/N...Tell me what happened...Please...” Thomas’s voice went lower, almost as a soothing whisper, but it was quickly obliterated by Y/N’s exaggerated, yet pained laugh. “I got beaten up, raped and shot by Sabini and his men. That’s what happened, Thomas. No business talk, just abuse. You promised nothing will happen to me...But, oh, damn, remember that you told Lizzie the same too, and she, that fucker raped her at the Derby too, when you were too busy fucking around with two other women? Oh, wait...Is it because I’m a woman? Because, the way I see it, all women that you have in your life get abused somehow...By you. Grace died because of you. Ada left the city because of you. May got hurt because of you. Esme hates you...There’s also the Duchess, but she very much outsmarted you, so she’s safe and...Still a noble woman. And don’t even get me started on Polly...Poor woman...Having to endure living in the same world as you. For the amount of time you spend fucking women, one would think you’d be more considerate of them.” her beautiful eyes were sharp and hateful, throwing daggers at the man in front of her as she continued to pace around, her tongue speaking the poison that very much tainted her heart over the past many years of her life. “...Y/N. I know you’re in pain, and that I’ve hurt you. I know. You are right, I agree. I’m aware. But it wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t have known, and-” as he continued, the girl calmly approached him, and as soon as she was right in front of him, she back-slapped him, thanking her classy mind for wearing lots of rings that day. As she laughed at the way the wounds showed up on one side of his face, she followed by slapping him on the other side, much harder than before. “Shut the fuck up, Thomas Shelby. Don’t speak to me. Don’t get close to me. I am not a Shelby anymore, so you can fuck off...Do you see who you’re doing business with, Alfie? A guy who can’t even protect his family! He got all of us arrested and almost hanged, made Ada go away, made Polly go insane, had Arthur beaten up, me as well, and guess what, Michael got shot and JOHN GOT KILLED! BECAUSE OF YOU, THOMAS! Grace died because of YOU! And your child got kidnapped and almost died BECAUSE! OF! YOU!” with each sentence, she punched him, hit him, kicked him, smashed him head with her knee, then on the wall, then ended by stomping her boot on his stomach...And walked away, as calmly as if never happened. “And...This is not my blood.”  “Well, lass, gotta say, yeah, you ain’t as much of an angel as I thought, eh. Or, maybe now more than ever, you’re the angel I thought you were.” Alfie watched from behind the desk, completely relaxed, analysing the show in front of him, and yet, his brain was running a thousand miles per second, thinking of millions of things. “D’you have a free spot here, Alfie? No guns and death and all that. Maybe...Someone to patch up your boys. I don’t know. Hell, I’ll even accept being your secretary or...Flower girl. Cook. Tea girl. I can walk Cyril...I don’t know, anything you want, just get me the hell out of this Shelby hell.” she turned around to look at him, using her other sleeve to clean her face, using the water from her tears. “Heard that, Thomas Shelby? Your sister’s deserted you, and for a good reason, eh. You can leave now, there’s other times to do business, right.” Alfie spoke, getting up and stepping towards her. “This isn’t over, Y/N. We’ll talk again. You’re a valuable part of the family, and you’re coming back, sooner than later.” Thomas went get get out of the building, only for the girl to quickly take out the gun from her jacket and cock it, pointing it at the man. “Fuck off and go to hell, Thomas.” she pulled the trigger... “Stop it, lass, don’t do it! You’re gonna regret it!” Alfie sprung out, holding one of his arms around her body, while his other hand went to her gun, making her shoot a wall instead of a living being, letting the man get out of there, still alive, somehow. “Damn it, Alfie! Why’d you do that! It’s 2 for 0, damn it! I’m fed up with taking bullets to save that guy, while all he does is sit comfortably behind his desk, damn it! I’m not a fucking rag doll that can be tossed in the trash!” she cried, trying to struggle out of his grasp, but the wounds were hurting her too much, so her strength gave out faster and she stood limp in his arms, trembling softly. “S’okay now, lass, yeah. I’ll bring ya to Cyril and we can...Uh...Drink that tea you like, right. Forget that guy, let’s get ya treated, right. Get that bullet out of ya. And sure, y’can be my physician, I know you were a great one in war, yeah.” the Jew gently took out the gun from her hand, throwing it to the ground for Ollie to take later, an he picked her up with much, bringing her to the medic’s room. “I need vodka, cigarettes, and if I’m brave enough some Tokyo...Snow...Whatever you call it.” she groaned as soon as she was place on the bed, as the gangster frowned in confusion at her. “I thought you didn’t do vices.” he sat on the opposite bed, watching her intently. “Woaw, I lied to you and everyone else in the world. I do drink and I do smoke and I did date before...Just...Not when people were seeing me. People think you’re an angel, they will hopefully leave you the hell alone. Difficult being a woman these days, as you can see. Everybody’s treating you like a piece of garbage. And bring me that vodka, I need to have the room spinning before I take out the bullet...And vodka’s the best disinfectant. The hospital stuff is washed up and diluted a lot of times.” she gave him a sarcastic half-smile, taking the cigarette he just lit up and puffed on it. “Only whiskey and rum, if you want, yeah. You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not around here, lass. Just do what you want, nobody’s gonna say a thing, right, and if they do, you know how to use a gun, so shoot their brains, eh, show them all who’s in charge.” he got up, bringing her what she requested, watching attentively as she let her head back, poofing smoke into the air. “Thanks, Alfie. Come back in an hour. I don’t need witnesses of my misery. You know better than everyone, Captain Solomons, that taking out a bullet gets messy.” she pointed the cigarette at him, smirking miserably at him, knowing very well that she wasn’t mentally ready for the procedure. “Well, lass, if you’re very sure, you don’t need help, right, then I’ll be waiting outside.” the Jew patted her head, leaving the room, letting behind only a graveyard silence, that for some reason, creeped the girl out big time. “...Let’s fuck shit up, then...” she muttered to herself, letting the ashes of the cigarette fall pitifully on the bed, as she took a deep breath and violently slammed her hand over the medical tools.

She’s always been a very careful and precise person, and whenever she did this on someone else, she would have people keep the victim down, so she could rummage through their bodies with relative ease, especially after they got shit faced drunk...And maybe with some anaesthesis... But this is the worst. Just like back then, during the war...

Letting a few tears of anticipation fall down her face, she cut a bit deeper into her body, to allow her fingers, previously washed with alcohol, she whimpered and squealed as she searched around for the bullet - It was no easy feat for, but it had to be done, no matter the searing pain -.

It felt like time stopped completely before the extraction of the stupid lead thing, she held it in her hand, watching its taunting gleam glaring back into her eyes, then watched with horror that stupid bottle of whiskey, and with her last strength, she snatched it and putting her pillow over her face to keep the shrieking from leaving the room, and gritting her teeth, she let the alcohol pour out from the bottle, wailing loudly, and yet, hoping nobody would hear her.

She was still sobbing in the pillow, the fire-like pain, electrifying the surging, diffuse pain throughout her whole torso, and she laid there, throwing away that pillow as soon as the door was opened again, and adjusting her head, she noticed Solomons walking in the room, a basket dangling from his arms.

“What’cha got there?” she asked in a weak, whisper-like voice, still trying to recover. “Goodies. Freshly baked cookies. At least something that smells nice in this pigstry, eh.” Alfie’s joking way of speaking seemed to take away her mind, but she smiled apologetically, lifting her hands briefly. “Sorry, too much blood on my hands. Literally and metaphorically speaking.” she explained, only to have Alfie take out one of the cookies and feeding her. “...This...Is the best thing I’ve eaten in my life. Did you make them? Because if you did, you’re like...A Cookie God. Have more?” she asked, managing, with a lot of difficulty, pain and his help, to get in a sitting position. “Well, I’ve never been called a God, right, but it ain’t that bad, yeah. Here you go, one more. I’ll ask a maid to draw a bath for you, yeah, I doubt you wanna stay all bloody the whole day, eh.” he helped her eat another cookie, and weirdly enough, despite all the blood on her face, her small smile was oddly charming. “...Y’know...If you ever want to retire from this gangster bullshit...You could settle down and...Just bake for a living...No, rather, a hobby. I’m sure you have enough money for a life time, so might as well just rest and take it easy. Move away from here...Maybe another country...Or another city, at least...And just...Y’know...Be happy. You could do that...And be rid of stupid Italians and Americans and all these jerks.” Y/N spoke, more or less not directly to him, but in a way, she was projecting her own hopes and dreams. “Margate.” Alfie muttered, sitting down in front of her. “Margate?” she furrowed her brows in confusion, leaning forward a bit. “Aye. By the seaside. The sand is really soft, they say, and the waves are nice, yeah. Very calm town.” he continued, which made her gasp softly in realisation. “You...You DID think about retirement! It means you’re really kinda fed up with this...This mess. I like where this is going.” she smiled softly at him, nodding in agreement. “I think you’re making the right choice, if it makes for anything.” “Y’know, lass, you’re not wrong. We do need a vacation, yeah, and a very long one at that, right. Now, how ‘bout we talk about what you need, right, for this medical thing.  You’re a sensible woman, yeah, so, I trust you more with the details and organising.” he pointed, and thus, they started chatting idly about the medical issues, and even more, about life in general - Books, the pictures, concerts, travelling and things...Leisure things, just simple things that she never had the privilege to talk about, and she had no idea she wanted, nor needed.

Many weeks passed and things were unusually calm for her, and for the first time in her life, she felt...Happy. She enjoyed being around Alfie, working with him without being involved in all the killing, and she absolutely loved baking things together, and he was so charismatic and charming, always giving witty remarks that amused her and made her laugh...

It was the perfect life she always dreamt of having, and he even asked if she wanted to go to a jazz pub with him, and...She got to dress up, and do her make up and do her hair, wear pretty, expensive jewellery, and a damn fine dress to show off her gorgeous silhouette, and high heels to match...And she walked next to him, her arm hooked to his, as they enjoyed the beautiful jazz music and each other’s presence.

It was a blissful dream, and she swore that if anyone dared wake her up, she was gonna kill them, and it won’t be quick, nor painless.

“Y’know, Alfie...You’re the best man I’ve ever met in my life. And that says a lot, considering how many men I had the misfortune of meeting...Including my family.” she raised her champagne glass slightly to clink with his. “Maybe you haven’t met the right men, dear, yeah, y’know, and men in Birmingham are fucking shit anyway. Camden’s better, yeah.” the man chuckled mirthfully, leaning back on his chair. “You...Mentioned Margate once. How are things going on with that?” Y/N asked, smiling at him softly. “Well, lass, y’know, yeah, things are...Things are fine. But, uh...You see...The doctor said I’m sick. They aren’t really sure yet what’s wrong with me, alright, but they said the results should be given pretty soon, yeah.” he admitted after a few seconds of consideration, which made the girl gasp in shock, moving her chair to look at him better taking his hands in hers and leaning forward. “What did they say about it? Did they take blood sampled? Wanna do blood work? Or...Biochemistry tests? Or something more complex?” Y/N bit her lip, looking concerned like never before. “Don’t worry, lass, even if I die, yeah, I’ll still make sure you get paid for your hard work, alright?” the man tried to brush it off, but the indignant look on her face made him chuckle. “I’m gonna kill you if you imply something like that again. I don’t need your money, I just want you to be healthy and alright, got it? Now come on, tell me, what do they suspect. Also, where is your doctor’s clinic, and when will your results arrive.” she pressed on, waiting for an answer. “Come on, don’t be so serious, yeah, enjoy the show, it’s not every night we get to have fun, right?” Alfie, again, tried to play it off as nothing important, but the look on her face made him sigh and nod, giving in. “They think’s cancer, right. I got a tumour, they’re checking if it’s...Uh...Cancer or not. right. Doctor’s around here in Camden, results come out sometime in a week or two, that enough?” he rolled his eyes, and yet, he was grateful for her worrying. “...I guess. If I knew, I would have done the lab work myself, but, you know...If anything, I can do the procedure myself... Or maybe I should hold your hand and make sure you’re not scared. They have to do general anaesthesia, cut you open and all that...It won’t be fun.” she looked down a bit, before smiling encouragingly at him. “Y/N. I’m a big boy now, right, I’ll be fine, no need to worry about me, yeah, you just...You be okay, and relax, and-...And before long, we’ll go to Margate together.”  he continued, trying to calm her down, without realising at first of the commitment, until he noticed the excited gleam in her eyes. “Alfie...? Are you...Are you sure...? Margate is the place you want to go to...Why would you...Me...?” she muttered, almost unsure of how to react. “Let’s go home, eh. I want to make you some nice tea, yeah, and some cookies. I have to tell ya something, and I’d rather it not be out.” 

Alfie squeezed her hands, helping her get up, and the walk home was filled with anticipation and a comfortable silence that wanted to rip out the answers out of his throat.

He let her dress in more comfortable clothes, and so he did, then went down to prepare some nice and warm tea, with the biscuits he baked that day, and went to her room.

“Do you like me, Alfie?” she asked in a shushed voice, not daring to raise her head to look at him. “What’s not to like, lass? You’re smart and witty, and for some reason, you find me funny, and look at ya, you’re gorgeous, right. So if I say, yeah, I want you to come to Margate with me, I mean it. You just have to agree, aye. Get away from this and rest. God knows we need this.” he had a sweet smile on his face - A smile that quickly faltered when he saw stray tears falling down her face, and he started worrying. “Why...In the world...Would someone as amazing as you...Like me? Alfie, you’re...You’re amazing, and me, I’m...I’m the worst. I can’t let go of the past, and I’ve got like...This...This devil inside me...This Shelby devil that keeps whispering in my ear, saying that I’ll never be happy, and that I’ll...I’ll kill again, and I’ll be dragged back to that slum and...And all that happiness will just shatter and...And I don’t deserve you.” she looked down, hoping her long her would hide her face, but next thing she knows, she got brought into a tight embrace, and he stroked her hair, his chin on top of her head, waiting for her to calm down, and yet, he could feel her trembling softly. “Don’t say things like that, yeah, that’s not true. You’re with me, not with them anymore, right, so, then, you’re going back. I won’t let them take you back, if you don’t want to, aye. No need to cry, right, I’ll protect you from anyone who dares try to take you away, eh, even if it’s Tommy Shelby himself, so no need to cry, yeah, Y/N?” he spoke, only to feel her cling even tighter to the back of his shirt. “I...I’ve...I’ve never felt like this before, Alfie. You make me feel so warm...And safe...And happy...I’ve been hold before, but all I felt was repulsion and fright...I was panicked and I wanted to run away...But this...This never happened. And I think I love you, Alfie. Don’t let go of me, please.” her voice was barely audible, but Alfie could feel the raw emotions, so he laid down with her on the bed, holding her dearly. “It will be fine, Y/N, okay. None of these worries will come to you again when in Margate. You and I will be happy, away from here, yeah, so, know that I love you, and let’s wait just a bit more, so we can get rid of this Changretta mess, and we’re leaving, eh.” 

And it was true - From that night on, they slept in the same room, holding each other dearly, reassured that the next day, things will still be as good as the previous night. One morning, however, Alfie woke up without her in his arms, and he panicked, thinking the worst - Poor Ollie thought he was going to get killed - But it was all fine, as she returned with the biggest grin on her face, jumping in Alfie’s arms, not allowing him the chance to say a word, only shocking him. And she held his hands and dragged him to his room, getting him to sit on the bed, and at first, she wanted to make tea, but then she shook her head and brought a bottle of the best whiskey, poured it in the glasses and had him drink.

“Damn it, lassie, don’t fucking scare me like that, yeah, like, at least tell me in advance if you’re gonna leave, okay, I thought those fuckers got ya for good. What the hell was the urgency?” he asked, drinking the glass in one go before looking at her. “I...Well...Haha, sorry ‘bout that, I’m just...I’m sure super happy. So, as you know, today the doctors had to mail you the test results, so, you know, I seem to have been a bit too eager to find out, so I since there were no trains, I walked all the way to your doctor, told him this and that, then got the first train back, and here I am. Oh, and, obviously, I’m super happy ‘cause like, I couldn’t keep myself - Sorry ‘bout that, by the way - So I ripped the envelope and looked at the results. And, uh, yeah, so, I’m happy ‘cause - Look ! - No cancer! You’re completely, 100% cancer free! And, like, the tumor completely benign, no invasiveness, no metastasis, so this is completely curable by surgical removal, and it won’t affect your life span, nor will it, in any way, alter your health. Et, voila, here we are! Go on, drink, cheer, be happy, I know I am!” she laughed gleefully, watching the shocked spark in Alfie’s eyes as he took out his glasses to read over the annoyingly complicated medical stuff, but he was a smart guy, and he understood everything there is to it. “You’re the best, shiksa. You say things are gonna turn out bad, but here, look, they aren’t, and hey won’t right, ‘cause clearly, there’s something up there, alright, that’s looking out for us, and it ain’t only me making sure you’re fine. I’m happy, Y/N, and in less than a month, aye, we’re fucking away from here. Just the two of us...And Ollie as a butler, if ya want. And we can get as many dogs as you want. We can do whatever we want, really.” he hugged her tightly, cupping her face and kissing her tenderly.

It all went sweet and soft at first, and it got hotter and hotter, with much more passion than before, and one thing led to another, and their first night of overflowing love gave hope for a better future, one that will ensure their happiness and that won’t involve them in this stupid gangster war anymore.

Just him, her and Cyril, maybe Ollie too, at the side...What better life to have than this?

But just one week before they had to leave, as they were still preparing for their grand exit, Y/N was walking towards the clinic room to check on the few patients she had left, only to notice the glint of guns, and she did a turn around, looking for Alfie, and yet, Ollie stopped her in her tracks as soon as she saw her, rushing to hide her from the people who were, apparently, having a meeting with Alfie.

“Ollie, it’s an emergency. Life or death, I promise. I NEED to speak to him. Who is he having a meeting with?” she asked, holding her clipboard close to her chest, looking left and right carefully. “With the Sabinis. Now, come on, Y/N, whatever it is, can wait. I’m sure you can wait a bit with Cyril. Please.” Ollie pleaded with her, but she only started writing rapidly on her clipboard, letting the first two pages filled with obvious, typewriter-written pages about standard medical procedures. “I’m sorry, Ollie, but this is bigger than even Sabini. Come with me and NEVER leave Alfie alone with those sharks, got it?” she gave him a sharp look before rushing to the usual place Alfie had business meetings, and as she completely ignored the villains, she slammed the clipboard on his desk, giving him a look. “Very important medical business thing, I need your signature after you read through these.” as he was so much taller than her, she only needed to bend a bit to talk into his ear, carefully flipping the first two pages, only to reveal big, messy writing.

ENEMIES WITH GUNS IN THE MEDICAL WARD POINTED TO THE BOYS DON’T TRUST THEM

Alfie gave her a look, knowing shit went bad, he nodded slightly, getting a pen and, as his signature, he wrote “TELL OLLIE”, and ushered her to leave.  And so she did, and Ollie went to alert the other guys so they could ambush the enemies in the medical ward, all while cursing herself and preparing guns, hidden in her long trench coat, then returned to stay by Alfie’s side, her hands placed on his shoulders reassuringly.

“Mr. Solomons, I see the little song bird likes flying around to every powerful gangster family. Wonder if she’ll go to the Changrettas when she’s done with you.” the Sabini leader smirked at her, and Alfie could feel her nails digging into his flesh, and not even the good way this time. “Listen, listen, Mr. Sabini,eh. You come here, begging me for fucking favours, right, and then, you dare fucking speak ill of my partner, yeah? So, where is the fucking time where you, like, do something to make me want to do that fucking favour of yours, if the only fucking thing you make me want to do is to fucking grant you the favour of putting you out of this miserable fucking life, right?” there was no clearer indicator that Alfie was angry than when he cursed like his beard was on fire, and true, YN found it very weird, considering how sweet and gentle he’s always been with her, but she could feel the protective aura he gave off, and she never felt safer than now. “Aye, aye, Alfie, don’t overreact, please, it was just a merely innocent joke! Lighten up, let’s discuss business. We teamed up with Luca Changretta, we can give you money and exposure. We can sell your rum and weapons all over Europe, especially France and Italy, and that means, in the long run, a ton of money. I’m sure you’ll agree with me, won’t you?” Sabini spoke, and from the corner of her eye, she could see one of the men taking out a gun from the back of his pants. “Mr. Sabini, I will have to ask you, as Mr. Solomons’s secretary, not to take out any weapons, otherwise our men will shoot all of you, with no discrimination.” Y/N threatened in a low voice, taking her hands from Alfie’s shoulders, and crossed her arms to her chest, ready to draw her weapons at any second. “It’s alright, Y/N, right, I don’t think Mr. Sabini is fucking stupid enough to dare a shoot out in my own fucking warehouse, eh.” Alfie warned the Italian gangster, snapping his fingers for Ollie to come by. “Vaffanculo...Che stronza! No, fine, fine, we’re all calm, all good, right? We can have a business deal and leave this place happy, both parts, right?” Sabini spoke, using his hands to gesture everyone to calm down. “Stick that deal up your ass.” Alfie cursed Sabini in perfect Italian, making Sabini straighten up, almost as if he got sobered by a hammer to his head, and without a second to wait, some of the lackeys drew their guns.

But they were too late, for Y/N already had both guns out and killed most of them, starting with Sabini himself, and Ollie’s boys helped up just enough to have the Red Sea at their feet.

Once all the enemies were laying dead on the cold, wet ground, Y/N sighed, throwing the guns to the ground, sighing and staring at the carnage with the eyes of a dead fish.

Alfie nodded to himself, pissed off at the mess that just had to happen, a week before they were going to sail to a better place, without either of them having to bloody their hands anymore, just like now.

“Well, Ollie’s got them all, so we’re good now. The sooner we finish the preparations, the better. Let’s hope Changretta the Bitch gets blown up...I should go check on Cyril, I’m sure he got scared by the gunshots.” Y/N sighed, patting him on the shoulder before turning on her heels to leave, and yet, Alfie motioned to Ollie to clear the mess, and then followed her back to their room, watching her cuddle with the beautiful dog. “Are you alright, Y/N?” Alfie asked, sitting on the edge of the bed, his hand reaching to stroke her hair, only for Cyril to reach to get his head pet instead. “Aw, Cyril...You’re the cutest baby ever. And...I will be, Alfie. I will be. Soon...Once we leave, I will be. Until then, I’m happy spending my time with you and Cyril. It relaxes me...And it makes me happy. WE are happy.” she reached out her hand, holding his, intertwining their fingers together and leading him to lay on his side, with the dog between them, like they were a family. “Well, darling, it’s just a few days longer, and we’re out of here, right. And we’ll be a family, like you want, and by the shore, there’re no more gunshots, right, so, we can learn how to swim, and we can mess with this slobbery bastard, and I can teach you how to bake other things. I heard the waves and the salty air help you sleep better. Ain’t that just fucking perfect, eh?” Alfie gave her a sweet smile, and laid there, with her, relaxing. “Sounds amazing, Alfie. I can’t wait for Margate, then. Just you, and me, and Cyril...And maybe Ollie too, y’know, that guy makes the best tea, ain’t gonna lie.” she giggled, squeezing his hand lovingly. “Aye, it’s gonna be great. And, we can travel wherever you want, whenever you want. Any country, any city, any date. You pick, we go. Sounds good?” Alfie asked, smiling tenderly at her excitement, happy that she wasn’t stuck on the previous blood bath. “Yeah, it sounds perfect. As long as we’re together, everything is better.”

[ibijau]

Part 2 of Lan Xichen refusing to listen when Nie Huaisang tries to tell him about Jin Guangyao’s crimes, this time post canon. As a quick warning... don’t go in there expecting a reconciliation ahah :D

In all his years of acquaintance with the Nie sect, this is the first time that Lan Xichen is made to wait at the gate, and the insult smarts. This is how a merchant or the servant of a noble family begging for help might be treated, not the leader of one of the Great Sect, and certainly not an old friend. Then again, it has been many years since Lan Xichen last came to the Unclean Realm alone. Perhaps he would have received such a welcome all along, after he and Nie Huaisang...

They never broke up, not exactly, not in such a manner that Lan Xichen could pinpoint an exact date to mark the end of their intimacy. But Nie Huaisang became more closed off in the months after his brother's death, more reluctant to tolerate any sort of affection, and Lan Xichen, tired of being denied again and again, stopped visiting alone. He only came alongside Jin Guangyao, in whose company Nie Huaisang was always a little less cold. For a while, Lan Xichen even wondered if his former lover's affection hadn't shifted toward a new target.

He wishes now that it had been something so easy. The truth, he fears, might be more unpleasant yet.

After nearly a shichen of waiting at the gate, Lan Xichen is brought inside by a disciple. Not Qinghe Nie's first disciple, but one of lesser importance who takes him to a sparse room and offers him subpar tea. He is then informed that the sect leader is currently busy, but will make time for him as soon as possible.

In a way, Lan Xichen finds this already answers the questions he has come to ask. Just a few weeks ago, Nie Huaisang would never have dared to be so rude to anyone, least of all one of Nie Mingjue's sworn brothers. He used to always drop everything for Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao, throwing himself at them with heavy tears... but then again, he was always the one begging them to come as well, whereas Lan Xichen is now here uninvited.

Another shichen passes, and then some. The tea Lan Xichen was offered is worse cold than warm, but he still finishes it as darkness creeps on him. Night, outside, is coming close, and Lan Xichen regrets not booking a room at some Qinghe inn. He has never had to before, and quite foolishly he hoped this wouldn't have changed. A mistake he will not repeat, if he ever visits again.

At long last the door opens, revealing Nie Huaisang who looks...

It would be only polite for Lan Xichen to rise up and bow to his host, or salute him in some manner. If he doesn't it isn't in protest of the long wait, but only because he can hardly recognise Nie Huaisang. The man in front of him might as well be a stranger. It might just be that it has been so long since Lan Xichen has had cause to truly look at the man he once loved. It might also be that for the first time in nearly a decade, Nie Huaisang isn't playing a role. Either way, Nie Huaisang seems taller than Lan Xichen thinks he ought to be, even accounting for the fact that one of them is standing and the other sitting. That might be because he is standing so straight, his shoulders squared rather than hunched. He looks, as he has for this past decade, a little too thin, but rather than making him frail and delicate, Lan Xichen finds the other man's features now bring to mind a carefully sharpened blade. Nie Huaisang's eyes are certainly as cool as steel, his narrow smile threatening in a way his sabre never managed to be.

“Er-ge, I'm surprised you've come here,” Nie Huaisang calmly states, looking down at Lan Xichen as he puts down a candle on a chest near the door. “I suppose I should ask the reason of your visit.”

“I think you know it already,” Lan Xichen replies without thinking, too startled by this stranger bearing a face he once adored to be polite.

Nie Huaisang smirks. “Do I? I don't think I do. Please do tell me, Er-ge. I am but a stupid man, I need things stated plainly.”

Not so long ago, Lan Xichen might have unkindly agreed.

“I'll ask this before all else: the other night, did Jin Guangyao really move?”

Nie Huaisang's smirk curls a little higher. “I've said already that I can't be sure, haven't I? Maybe he moved, maybe he didn't... I was tired, and I was wounded, and I was so terribly scared,” he explains in a mocking tone. “Weeks after the accusation was first made, I just had it confirmed that one of my very dear friend had murdered my da-ge, and you expect me to have been clear minded enough to remember every inconsequential detail?”

“You already knew he had killed da-ge,” Lan Xichen retorts.

Nie Huaisang's mouth slowly opens in a artful 'Oh' of surprise too deliberate to be anything but artifice, while his hand sets on his heart as if wounded by the accusation. He looks right out of a picture, beautiful and elegant and insincere.

“Er-ge, I'm not sure I quite understand what you're saying.”

Lan Xichen frowns. He had not expected this to be easy, of course, but he hadn't prepared himself for such coldness either. In his mind, Nie Huaisang ought to have been shouting at this point. But then, he was thinking of Nie Huaisang as he lives in his memory, young and spoiled, rather than the man he became while Lan Xichen wasn't paying attention.

“I am saying that I have given due consideration to what Wei Wuxian said last month in that temple,” Lan Xichen says. “I believe that he might have been right.”

Even an actor as talented as Nie Huaisang can break character. For a brief instant, he appears to struggle to contain a smile, though that problem is solved when he quickly opens a fan with a sharp yet graceful gesture. Lan Xichen is left breathless when he recognises the fan. It is one he bought for Nie Huaisang, when they were young and not yet crossing the line between friends and lovers. When they finally did, they wrote together a few lines of poetry on that fan, because Nie Huaisang, so sweet at that time, wanted to do like the couples in those stories he so enjoyed reading, and Lan Xichen of course couldn't have done anything but indulge him in this caprice.

It cannot be an accident for this particular fan to have been chosen as Nie Huaisang's shield.

“Er-ge... no, sorry, Zewu-Jun, that is a serious accusation you're throwing at me,” Nie Huaisang saying, almost sounding hurt. Almost. “So, I must ask... do you have any proof? You can't say this without some serious proof.”

Something in Nie Huaisang's tone is a little odd, as if it matters to him whether Lan Xichen has anything concrete to show.

“No more than you probably did when you started all this, Huaisang.”

“But if I had done that, I would have had proof” Nie Huaisang retorts, his eyes burning from behind his fan. “Plenty of it. If I were to have gone on the path of revenge, it might have been because Baxia had become restless in the weeks after her master's death, and started causing problems in the sabre's hall,” he explains, dropping the fan to reveal a feverish expression. “So of course I would have checked my brother's tomb, and found it empty. That's when I might have become suspicious of foul play, and turned to you for help. I wonder, would you have listened to me, or would you have rushed to defend someone you clearly valued more than me?”

Lan Xichen's eyebrows rise high in surprise. He knows for a fact that Nie Huaisang never mentioned his brother's corpse being missing, he certainly would remember that.

“If this is your excuse for never letting me know the truth...”

The fan comes up again. “Er-ge, this is purely hypothetical of course,” Nie Huaisang says pleasantly, as if they were discussing the weather. “I suppose if those things had happened, I wouldn't even have had a chance to make a case against Jin Guangyao before you'd make it clear on whose side you were. You've always been so quick to defend him, haven't you? Even when da-ge was alive... they were both your friends, but you only ever seemed to side with one of them, didn't you?”

It is an unfair statement. Lan Xichen used to defend Jin Guangyao in front of Nie Mingjue, yes, but he made no less efforts to mend that relationship on both sides. Many times he tried to explain to Jin Guangyao how their sworn brother's personality worked, how Nie Mingjue meant no harm by speaking the way he did, how he was truly trying to help by offering chance after chance for Jin Guangyao to prove his good faith, especially in that business with Xue Yang, and how Nie Mingjue's education and personal experience made it hard for him to understand that Jin Guangshan wouldn't be swayed by the demands of a bastard son he half openly despised.

Lan Xichen had done all that he could to be a bridge between two men whose affection was so disturbed by deeply different worldviews. Many things had escaped his attention at that time, but he had never been so foolish as to think every problem in their friendship came from Nie Mingjue alone.

Just because Nie Huaisang had borne witness to only one side of his efforts didn't mean the other side never existed.

“Someone had to defend him,” Lan Xichen coldly points out. “I realise now that some of his enemies were right to hate him, but how could I not dismiss them when their first impulse was always to attack him for his birth?”

“But I didn't!” Nie Huaisang explodes, closing his fan to furiously point it at Lan Xichen. His hand trembles with rage, and there's not art to his expression now, only raw emotion of unexpected intensity. “I didn't come to you calling him a son of a whore!” He cries out. “I didn't call him a bastard, or a servant unworthy of his title! All I said was that I suspected murder, and instantly you defended Jin Guangyao, before throwing it to my face that maybe it was my fault if da-ge had been so unbalanced!”

Nie Huaisang waves his fan at Lan Xichen, heavy tears staining his face.

“Do you know how terrified I was to share this with you? You'd been on Guangyao's side so often, you'd been the reason he'd had access to da-ge even in his unstable state! Everything was telling me that you could have been complicit in da-ge's death, that you and Guangyao could have been working together! But I loved you!” Nie Huaisang shouts, his voice breaking on the words. “I loved you, you were the only thing I had left and I loved you, certain you loved me as well, so I trusted you and tried to come to you with my discoveries, and for what?”

Laughing hysterically, Nie Huaisang reopens his fan to hide his tears.

“You don't even remember that day, do you?” he croaks. “Everything changed for me that night, and it wasn't even worth remembering for you.”

Lan Xichen stares down at the table in front of him, desperately trying to recall the conversation that left such an impact on Nie Huaisang. It must have been before they drifted apart, he guesses. To his shame, he truly cannot remember.

He tells himself that he too was grieving, that Nie Huaisang doesn't remember well, that he was perhaps less clear in his accusation than he now thinks he was. Lan Xichen easily finds many excuses for not remembering, but he knows them for what they are: excuses. The truth, ugly as it might be, is simply that he paid little attention to what Nie Huaisang had to say at that time. His grief, raw and exposed, had been uncomfortable to witness, and Lan Xichen had only held on to the good parts of his lover while waiting for the bad ones to go away on their own.

“So Wei Wuxian guessed right, then,” Lan Xichen whispers, unwilling to dwell on his past failings at the moment. “You did all this...”

“Did I?” Nie Huaisang asks, regaining control of himself, his expression turning distant again in spite of the lingering hoarseness in his voice. “Everything I said was hypothetical of course. Who knows what I did or didn't do? After so long, who knows what could have been prevented if you'd only trusted me half as much as I might have trusted you? But I will say this...”

He lowers his fan, revealing a sharp smile, more like a beast baring its teeth than anything.

“Er-ge, supposing I did any of the things Wei Wuxian accused me of the other day, then you would bear as much fault in my supposed crimes as you do in Jin Guangyao's,” Nie Huaisang says, almost sweetly. “The mighty Zewu-Jun, so pure and good, so untouched by dirt and blood, having enabled so much pain and chaos just because it's easier to look away when things are unpleasant.”

Lan Xichen doesn't answer. It is an unfair accusation, he tells himself. Jin Guangyao's actions were never under his control, and neither were Nie Huaisang.

What happened wasn't his fault, and he refuses to react to Nie Huaisang's very obvious taunting. It is clear now that the other man will not give him a straight answer regarding anything that has happened. Perhaps it was foolish to ever hope that he would, considering what Wei Wuxian said he might have done.

“It's getting late, Zewu-Jun,” Nie Huaisang remarks, glancing out the window as if he only now realises how dark it has become around them. The candle he'd brought with him offers little light. “You should get going. I hope you'll understand why I don't offer to let you stay the night.”

“I wouldn't accept even if you offered,” Lan Xichen replies as he stands up. “I suppose we'll meet again some other time, Nie zongzhu.”

“Only if I have no other choice, Zewu-Jun,” Nie Huaisang says. “I'll call for someone to take you back to the gate. I've already wasted enough time on you.”

With how often he has been here as a guest, Lan Xichen doesn't need a guide to find his way inside the Unclean Realm, not even in the dark. He keeps that remark to himself, unwilling to deal with Nie Huaisang longer than necessary.

Soon enough he is outside the gates of the Unclean Realm, free to breathe again, and starts walking into the night, toward Qinghe. Lan Xichen knows he could fly, but walking gives him a better chance to think and consider what he has just learned, and to analyse this conversation with Nie Huaisang.

It is the first time in many years that he gives this much thought to his former lover's words and actions, he realises, and something like guilt curls coldly into his chest. Perhaps this really could have been avoided, if he had paid more attention to the changes in Nie Huaisang's personality... but in those years after the Sunshot Campaign he'd seen too much grief, accepted too well that it manifested in odd ways, that someone people would wallow in it and let it become the core of what they are. Nie Huaisang had seemed only another example of this. Having always been so expressive in his joys, it felt unsurprising that he would fall as eagerly into his despair.

Lan Xichen, busy with his own trouble, with a sect to run, with his brother's punishment only then lifted, cannot be expected to have dedicated all his energy and time analysing the changes in a lover who kept pushing him away.

Can he?

He also cannot be blamed for the crimes of others, Lan Xichen eventually decides. All he did was consider the information at hand, and trust people based on their actions. Anyone else would have done the same, his actions were measured and reasonable, and though he was wrong in his judgement, everything he did was in good faith.

What happened wasn't his fault.

Was it?

[nightswithkookmin]

still same anon. this was another one of my asks from months ago. basically it was a comment I made about jikook's intimacy. it was from this interview: https://youtu.be/T--BOS8oTec the moment I'm talking about happens from 3:00 minute timestamp onwards. i was saying how despite this moment being "skinship" or whatever, it kinda hit different? there's also intimacy there. bc you see how jimin doesn't have to say anything and jungkook immediately understands what to do and starts massaging his neck. jimin literally threw a glance at him, tilted his neck a lil and jungkook didn't need a second more to know what to do. I wanted to talk to you about it since I know that you're not big on skinship defining jikook's relationship, but I think there ARE jikook skinship moments worth noting and this is one of them imo.

Oh ok. Thanks.

SKINSHIP IN CONTEXT

I think skinship by it's very definition is an intimate act depending on the level of familiarity between the parties involved in the act.

From my understanding of skinship, it's basically interactions that would otherwise be viewed as sexual outside of their culture but viewed as acceptable platonic behavior between the same sex or even the opposite sex.

The objective of skinship is to be intimate with another person on a level that's only next to romance.

I remember my sister telling me how shook she was when she found out for the first time, around 2011 when she first moved to Seoul, how she couldn't even keep her pants on at a 'Jimjirban' because all the gals in there were expected to walk around butt naked in the spa. No towels, no pants, no robes butt nakedttt.

'Mehn, this doesn't happen where I'm coming from' she said to her companion.

A. I'm black.

B. I'm not flat.

C. I'm wearing my pants.

Her very naked friend, a native SK, whom she says she'd only met for like a week, then grabbed her underwear and pulled it down her thighs exposing her deforested vagina to the winds and a dozen other curious gazes. All females.

'For a second, I thought I had been tricked into an orgy of a sort. I was very naked without my consent. Wind whistling through my shy butt cracks. Watching very naked females of varying ages stare on with pride and smiles on their faces as if I had just saved a village or something and when I jiggled when I walked I could hear them gasp, amazed- Goldy, how is this not gay?'

'You think skinship between their men is weird, wait till you see their women. Wait till a very attractive Korean girl is breathing down your neck and caressing your nape and complementing your skin while showing you pictures of her boyfriend on her phone.'

She says it took her a while to get used to the skinship between women in SK and seeing the men interact in a certain way messed with her brains for a while. She said she felt her intelligence was being played with most of the time.

I guess if you want to look at Jikook's skinship as intimate then there's nothing wrong it.

Skinship is intimate at the very least.

But skinship, for all intent and purposes, is platonic and nonsexual in nature. And maybe this is a fatal flaw on my part. Or maybe thanks to my sister, I'm desensitized to this form of interaction but I have a hard time seeing Jikook's intimacy as platonic or even seeing most of their skinship as romantic- in anyway. It will make sense in a bit, hold on.

I have a hard time equating skinship with romantic intimacy. But that's just me.

I wasn't able to click on the link you sent but I'm guessing this is the moment you are talking about?

I wouldn't call this skinship. I mean it is but I wouldn't call it that. Skinship is meant to show how close two people are. How familiar they are with eachother.

This doesn't show how close Jikook are. But It shows how caring and affectionate JK is as human being, as a dongsaeng, and as a boyfriend.

I'd rather we celebrate that. JK doesn't get highlighted enough. He caters to the people he cares about. He is an attentive person.

Hate to be a grinch but I can pull up a couple of times JK has done that very gesture with Jin or Tae or Hobi. Remember Soop? Remember when Jin complained of feeling cold and JK went up to him immediately and 'warmed' him up?

Of course, Jimin kept stealing glances at him like he could throw a shoe at the back of his head if he could but that's beside the point.

The man is an empath. He's said several times he feels a lot of pain watching his hyungs go through it. Fact is, Jk cares about people. He's kind, loving and he shows this aspect of him through gestures like these.

He does it for Jimin. He does it for all the members because as he's said, they are all a family.

It's stressful hearing people claim he doesn't give a fuck about Jimin, that he doesn't care about JM because he shows affections for others besides JM.

At some point we would have to make a distinction between what acts flows from their unique personalities because of who they are at their core and what act flows from them being a couple.

Most people who see Jimin as a natural nurturer and what not are able to separate this identity from his ship moments but JK isn't accorded the same privilege. It is why most people are quick to lash out at him when he interacts with others in the same way he interacts with Jimin.

When JM acts nurturing towards V or RM or Suga he is seen a good, kind person.

When JK does something affectionate it's seen as a beautiful Jikook moment or Taekook moment or Jinkook moment and is soon swept under the carpet, soon forgotten and never tied to the personality of JK- perhaps because most of these shippers don't care to know who JK is as a person and as a human.

When Jimin does something affectionate its 'awww Jimin is such an amazing person' even if that act is merely performative sometimes.

I try not to engage in conversations that perpetuate this horrifying discrimination against either of Jikook. They are both individuals.

There are a lot of Asks sitting in my box highlighting the various ways JM is awesome and kind and amazing as s boyfriend to JK and not a single out of 500 plus posts talking about how empathetic JK really is. How thoughtful he is to even pack motion sickness drugs to go on trips even though he doesn't get motion illness and JM is the one that often complains about motion sickness on trips.

The heteronormative lens, on opposite ends of the spectrum in the shipping community, which dictates we perceive on Jikook as either feminine or masculine is a telltale sign of the misogyny and misandry prevalent within this fandom.

The fandom's heteronormative lens filters Jimin as the wildly feminine archetype, wildly fragile, sexy and womanly right down to the way we praise him as the 'good woman' in his relationship with JK- loyal, faithful, nurturing, kind, silent in that he continues to perform Jikook even when Jikook are not in a great place. etc.

Yet because he is seen as womanly or feminine, the part of the fandom that hates women hate Jimin. That's where all the slut shaming, bullying and harassment stems from- misogyny.

Jk is viewed as the opposite of that. By most, he is very masculine man and as such harbors all the traits of masculinity the modern woman detests- toxic masculinity, cheating, disloyal, fuckboy who treats women like shit. All forms of hatred and intolerance towards men is projected on to him especially by male intolerant people or dare I say feminist women within the fandom.

And you see them in the way they are always fighting for Jimin against JK as if Jimin were a fragile faithful woman whose man don't treat him right thus further perpetuating the heteronormative stereotypes of Jimin.

What's disconcerting is Jikook are both men and yet depending on how their masculinity or femininity is perceived, they are both treated very differently.

You hear Tuktukkers talk about how Jikook is as a result of heteronormativity and thus prescribe Taekook as the ideal homonormative ship- because to them, Tae and JK are both seen as two whole men.

To them Jimin is just not man enough to even be gay- isn't that the foundation of homophobia?

Gay men not seen as men at all?

Whereas amongst Jokers, Jimin's manliness is often forgiven and JK's is abhorred. Jk is too much of a man and men just ain't shit.

This may sound like an over simplification but Tuktukkers hate women, Jokers hate men and either side suck. In my opinion.

Jimin is a nurturer he cares about people including his boyfriend. JK is an empath he feels the pain of those close to him including his boyfriend and is often moved to ease or take away some of that pain.

It's thus annoying to hear people out here yell and complain on every turn each time JK interacts with the others how JK 'doesn't act exclusive' with Jimin or how he doesn't care about Jimin.

Should he not care about anyone besides Jimin just because he is dating Jimin?

It's annoying when they say the same about Jimin. Jimin nurtures everyone ergo there's nothing special or exclusive about the way he nurtures JK.

Nonsense such as these are spewed without taking into account that those acts in themselves speak directly to who these people are as human beings first and foremost; secondly, to how they feel about the person at the recieving end of their affections.

If they are treating everyone the same it's probably because they love everyone too- in a non romantic way of course. It's their love language. They love others with the same heart they love eachother with.

It doesn't take away from how they feel about eachother. JK admiring another member does not mean when he admires Jimin it's nothing. It just mean he admires Jimin too.

Not everything has to be romanticized or given a romantic context. They are each expressing themselves and their feelings for their bandmates. It's about them not their bandmates or their relationship with said bandmates.

Certain moments are just attestation to their love language be it platonic or romantic and it says more about who they are as people than what their relationship with the other person is. It's not all about their relationship.

People need to start treating Jikook as individuals. They are humans first before a ship. Shipping them shouldn't take away from their authentic expressions of self.

That's how they each end up getting cussed out in these streets left and right.

It's ridiculous.

This is JK being JK. Imma leave it at that.

This is from the same interview where Tae was talking about how they love showcasing their bond.

It's ok to celebrate it. Just see it for what it is- as flowing from JK's kind self. This is not Jikook. This is JK. Jeon Jungkook.

Don't fume or act disappointed when you see him do the same kind gesture for another member just because of the meaning you are imposing on this moment. Know what I mean?

That being said, there are certain Jikook 'skinship' moments that crosses the line of skinship right into sexual foreplay.

If 'skinship' leaves you 'sexually excited' it's not skinship. Nobody can tell me nothing.

Make of this moment what you will. Just be responsible with it. I think. But don't mind me. I'm grumpy.

Signed,

GOLDY

[jalapeno-princess]

Treat You Better

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst with a bunch of terribly written smut ahaha idk why I keep trying to write smut I can’t write smut to save my life

Word Count: 12.6k

Warning: Intended for 18+ audience; cheating, degradation, riding, oral (both male and female receiving) face fucking, doggy style

Summary: Mark was at the club with a few of his friends when he spots you walking in all alone. Knowing the kind of person you were, Mark was well aware that you hated the night life. You were the definition of homebody and you weren’t a fan of clubs or bars which made Mark confused seeing you making your way in to the dimly lit establishment. Not wanting anyone to take advantage of you. he finds himself walking towards you with the intentions of making sure you were safe. He then finds out that you were there to find someone to get revenge on your boyfriend Jackson with. As much as you hated the idea of one night stands and sleeping with strangers, all your rationality was thrown out the window as soon as you found out Jackson had been cheating on you with his receptionist. What started off as an innocent little dance with Mark turned in to riding him in the back seat of his car and it’s in that moment of lust that you find out Mark’s true feelings for you.

A/N: Hey guys! I’m back at it again with an extremely rushed story and I’m not too sure when I’ll have the time to write again but I hope you enjoy this story. It’s based on a song called “Soliá” by Bad Bunny which means “Used to” in Spanish. I’ve been getting in to his music a lot these days and even if I don’t speak a word of Spanish, I love each and every one of his songs (they’re actually almost all about sex hahahaha) but he’s an amazing artist and I love how he speaks out for those who can’t use their voices. If you have a chance, definitely go check him out he’s awesome and so is this song.

She arrived alone, she went out without her friends Revealed, in alcohol looking for a way out From that fake relationship Baby, I saw how you look at me I repeat it to you in case you forget it Send him a message that says To not leave you alone Because he could lose you If one day he sees you again From me, tell him to not leave you alone Because he could lose you If one day he sees you again

Mark was quick to turn his attention to you the minute you walked in to the club. Although it was extremely dark besides the strobe lights moving around, the music was blasting and almost every single person there was grinding upon one another, he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander to your curvaceous figure the minute Yugyeom pointed you out. 

He had to do a double take; when the younger boy nudged him and motioned towards the entrance he almost didn’t believe it was you. Everyone who knew you personally was aware of the fact that you hated bars and clubs and never understood why people would spend so much money on alcohol and having a bunch of sweaty bodies pressed up against you. 

Curiosity got the best of him; why exactly were you there and better yet, why were you alone? If anything, Mark would’ve expected you to be there with your group of friends; they were always out on Friday nights and Mark saw them every now and then but you never tagged along. Maybe they were already somewhere in the crowded room and you were going to meet them. 

There was a tiny voice in the back of his head, the one that cared about you more than he probably should that told him to go up to you and make sure you weren’t messed with by one of the drunk and visibly horny men. However, he knew not to get involved whenever it came to you. He knew that you’d never put yourself in a dangerous situation; but with the outfit you were wearing, a short, red dress that stopped right at the beginning of your thighs and hugged each and every one of your curves, he was sure you were going to be the star of the night. 

You looked extremely beautiful and Mark couldn’t find it in himself to take his eyes off of you. Your hair that was normally thrown up in a messy bun or neatly tied back in a ponytail was currently down in bouncy waves. Even from far away, he could tell that you were hardly wearing any make up and it was something he always admired about you. If he was being honest, there were many pretty girls in the club wearing outfits similar to yours and even more revealing in attempts to catch the attention of men. 

However, you didn’t even have to try to look as sexy as you did; it just came natural for you. From the moment you were introduced to one another, he noticed that you weren’t one to care about your looks or what you wore. You cared more about your job, your personality and your desire to help others rather than your appearance and what people thought about you. In his eyes, you were the most beautiful girl he’s ever met both on the inside and out. 

He wasn’t used to seeing you so dolled up. You were always so shy and modest. If you weren’t wearing your scrubs for work, you’d either be in jeans or sweats and even then, Mark would find himself staring at you in awe of your beauty. But seeing you with your breasts and ass on display for the first time since meeting you over two years ago was driving him insane. This is his favorite look on you so far. Before he could process what he was doing, he found himself walking towards you; he didn’t even feel the need to tell his friends where he was going. 

All he cared about in that moment was going up to you and finding out what you were doing there. The closer he got to you, he could feel his heart racing. This was a mistake; he couldn’t stop the gut feeling that you were upset with him and you had every right to be. Yet it didn’t stop him from tapping on your shoulder once he finally made it over to where you were standing. As soon as you turned around and a soft smile rose on your face, he released a breath of relief. He’s been beating himself up about the entire situation for the last couple of months. 

When he first found out that your boyfriend Jackson who just so happened to be one of his closest friends was cheating on you, he wanted nothing more than to find you and tell you the truth. Sure, they’ve been friends for over ten years and he’s only known you for two, but he knew cheating was wrong especially because you didn’t deserve it. Everyone and their mothers knew just how much you loved your boyfriend. You gave him everything and more on a silver platter. Whatever he needed, you got for him or did for him without complaining. Your sole purpose was to take care of him and make sure he was both happy and healthy. 

Mark was always envious of Jackson. Not only was his younger friend more outgoing and very friendly on top of being very muscular and athletically talented, but he had you. When Jackson first told their group of friends that he was in a relationship, none of them could believe it. Jackson was the definition of a fuckboy. All throughout high school and college, he was infamous for sleeping around with almost every girl in their grade. There was even a rumor that he hooked up with everyone on the cheerleading squad and although it wasn’t confirmed, Mark wouldn’t have been surprised to hear that it was true. Jackson was a crowd favorite; all the guys on campus wanted to be him and all the girls wanted to be with him. 

That’s why he couldn’t believe Jackson was ready to settle down and commit himself to one girl. The first day he met you stayed in the back of his mind for the last two years. He was quick to pick up on how soft spoken and introverted you were. Probably because he was exactly the same. It was obvious that you and Jackson were the complete opposite of each other and the longer Mark got to know you, the more he felt like you deserved better. 

In the beginning of your relationship, Jackson was such a gentleman. He was quite the romantic; took you on cute dates, bought you flowers, opened doors for you and always pulled out your chair. He was also very vocal to his friends about how much he loved you and how he thought you were the one. Never in a million years did any one of them think that Jackson was going to find someone that made him want to change his playboy ways, but you did and they still had a hard time understanding how. 

Unfortunately, temptation got the best of him once a new receptionist was hired at the company Jackson was working at. Being the overly friendly person he was, he’d start small talk every now and then with her, but then it grew in to more and one night he found himself fucking her up against the wall in one of the storage rooms. 

He knew it was wrong, and he never hated himself more than in that moment knowing that he cheated on you; the only person whose ever meant anything to him but he couldn’t find it in himself to stop. Nor did he want to break up with you no matter how much he knew you didn’t deserve it. Two months in to his affair, there was one night he went out with Mark, Jinyoung and Youngjae to a bar and he got a little too drunk. 

Only four shots in, he began going in to explicit detail about his little dalliance with the receptionist and it took every bone in Mark’s body not to jump across of the table and sock him in the face. How could he do that to you? He told the guys that he had no intentions on giving you up because you were the best thing that’s ever happened to him yet he talked about his coworker as if it was the most normal thing to do. As if there was nothing wrong with fucking someone behind your back. 

Jinyoung tried his best in keeping Mark calm; he was the only one that knew of Mark’s feelings for you. Mark knew it was wrong to develop feelings for his best friend’s girlfriend, but it was inevitable. You radiated such a bright and positive energy. Although you were always to yourself, even when you went out with their group of friends, Mark was one of the lucky ones who got to know how you really were. You were very passionate about your job; as hard as being a nurse was, you loved helping people in any way possible. 

He got to spend time with you every now and then if he went to Jackson’s place and since the two of you both worked at the hospital, you’d eat lunch together every so often and sometimes you hung out even without Jackson being there. It was in those moments; watching your eyes light up as you talked about your love for cake boss, seeing you practically stuff your face with ice cream and hearing on you talk on the phone with your mom that Mark found himself wishing that he could be more than just a friend. He wanted to be the lucky guy that loved you. 

Mark has never felt this way about anyone before and you weren’t even his to be fond over but here he was, mentally beating the shit out of Jackson and wanting nothing more than to rip that dress off of you. During one of your lunches together just a few weeks ago, you expressed to Mark that you felt as if there was another woman in Jackson’s life. 

First it started off when he started contacting you less and you understood that he was busy, but so were you and yet you made it your priority to make sure he was eating all his meals on time and getting enough sleep. Then came the excuses as to why you couldn’t hang out together and the cancellation of dates. You confirmed his infidelity when you were over at his place one day and found a thong in his hamper that obviously didn’t belong to you. When the first tear fell when you were explaining everything to him, Mark could physically feel his heart sink to his chest. 

The confession was at the tip of his tongue, but it wasn’t his place to tell you no matter how badly he wanted to. It had nothing to do with his loyalty to his younger friend, Mark was willing to drop his entire friendship with Jackson if it meant getting to be with you. But he didn’t think he should be the one to relay the devastating news, which is why he confronted Jackson and ended up giving him a black eye almost three days ago. They ended up getting in to a heated argument with Jackson confronting Mark about having feelings for you and Mark telling Jackson to let you go. 

Jaebeom and Yugyeom had to practically rip their older friend off of Jackson or they were sure he would’ve sent him to the hospital. Your boyfriend might have been more muscular, but Mark was physically stronger. For someone with such skinny arms, he could throw a punch. 

“Hey, what are you doing here? You’re not alone are you?” He was trying his best not to look at you up and down, especially because now that he was closer to you he had a better look at you and your breasts were ready to pop out of your dress. Jackson was an idiot for cheating on you. Not only were you breathtakingly beautiful and right now you looked lethal, but you had the biggest heart and Mark felt like you deserved the entire world and more. He wanted to be the one who got to experience your love. 

Jackson no longer deserved it; no longer deserved you and Mark didn’t care what happened between the two of them anymore, he was going to make sure you left Jackson for good. 

“I came here by myself actually. I really don’t know why you guys come here so often, this place is bullshit. But I think you and I both know why I’m here. I don’t see him here, he’s with her right now isn’t he?” Although you looked eerily calm, the words bitterly fell from your mouth and Mark could feel his chest tighten at the realization that you now knew of your boyfriend’s affair. 

“Y/n—“ you put your hand out in front of him and shook your head. You were there to get drunk and had every intention to end up in bed with someone later that night. If Mark were to say anything to try to defend Jackson or if he were to lie, you’d probably decide that you made a mistake in coming to the club and leave before the night could really start. You may have considered Mark a good friend, but you had a huge feeling he knew his friend was cheating on you and didn’t feel the need to inform you. His loyalty was with Jackson or so you had thought. 

“I’m here to have a good time and to find a reason to move on. Don’t worry about me Mark. I’ll be fine. I’m a grown woman, I can take care of myself.” 

When Jackson first asked you out over two years ago when he met you at one of his trips to the emergency room, he found himself falling for you faster than he’s ever done with any girl. There was something about you that was different; that stood out from all his one night stands and flings that never lasted longer than a month. To your surprise, you had a few friends that knew who he was and they informed you of what he was like; how much of a womanizer he was and how he never dated anybody. 

You told yourself you didn’t want to get involved with him and that you wouldn’t allow someone like Jackson to take advantage with you, but being the kindhearted person you were who tried so hard to see the good in people, you allowed him to take you on a date which led to many more throughout the course of your relationship. Jackson both told you and showed you with his actions just how much he loved you and loved being with you. You were excited knowing that out of all the girls he’s been connected to, that you were the one who ended up changing his ways and that you were the first girl he’s ever been in love with. 

Everything seemed to be going so well in your relationship and you couldn’t be happier. However, as soon as he began growing distant towards you, you couldn’t help but feel like there was a reason behind it. 

Hearing that you were there alone worried Mark; especially because he saw the way a lot of the men in the club were looking at you with so much lust and fervor in their eyes. He wasn’t a mind reader, but he knew a lot of the guys probably had the same idea in mind and he cringed at the thought of someone taking advantage of you. You were extremely vulnerable in that moment and for you to come to the conclusion that you wanted to go to the club with the intention of letting one of these disgusting and undeserving men get to take you home later on made his skin crawl. Which is why he didn’t find it surprising when he began following you to the bar with every intention of keeping an eye on you. 

“Mark, I said I can handle myself—“ the glare he sent your way was chilling, but it also excited you. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t find Mark attractive. In fact, there were some days that you considered him better looking than your own boyfriend. He had the softest heart shaped lips, the prettiest brown eyes with the cutest little mole underneath his right one, a well-defined, sharp nose and such a breathtaking smile. 

Whenever the two of you talked, you could never keep your eyes off of him. But it wasn’t just his charming good looks that had you swoon over him. It was how gentle he was; how he treated you like you were the only girl in the entire world. How he looked at you with so much admiration and adoration. How he made you feel important; made you feel things Jackson never made you feel once in your entire relationship. Since you were so in love with Jackson, you never got to admire Mark in that way. You were so blinded by love, that you failed to pay attention to your surroundings. 

That was until you found out Jackson was being unfaithful; then you began seeing Mark in a different light. You started falling for his sweet words; how he would compliment you on something only he would notice. When you colored your hair a lighter shade, he wouldn’t stop going on about much the color change brought out the color of your eyes and made you even prettier than you already were. Not even Jackson would notice things like that. He always made time for you, put effort in checking up on you and told you the lamest jokes to make you laugh. These days you’d hardly ever receive a hello from your boyfriend. 

The more time you spent with Mark, the more you began losing feelings for Jackson. You also finally came to the realization that you deserved to be treated the way Mark treated you. But Mark was off limits. There was no way you could be anything more to Mark than a colleague at work and someone who was dating his friend. You hated cheaters and the idea of cheating made your skin crawl, but you wanted to get back at Jackson for doing it to you. 

Although you didn’t think he even cared about you or what you did anymore, you wanted to hit him where it hurt. When you took your first shot of tequila, you hated how strong it was and how it burned the back of your throat, yet you found yourself downing two more and right before you could take another one, Mark grabbed it from you and downed it himself. 

“Hey, slow down. Take it easy, the night is still so young y/n.” You rolled your eyes at his comment and began looking out at the dance floor. The patron was starting to kick in and you wanted to let loose. 

“Hey Mark?” He saw the glint in your eye and he knew whatever you had on your mind couldn’t be good, yet he found himself humming in curiosity. 

“Dance with me?” 

Today she wants to dance all night long, eh She is almost single I don't introduce anyone to her, that make her bothered Total, at the end of the night she has what she wants The moon already indicated to her She posted something on her story, someone got mad Her song played and she dedicated it She says she wants to do it with me good, huh Let the windows fog The girl is grown up, how can someone scold her Don't ruin her night, huh The Kardashian is no longer for Kanye There have been many disappointments, eh Lies from all of these assholes, eh Once again they failed her She would give it a chance, but she ran out

Mark should’ve said no. There were red flags going off in his mind, but he didn’t seem to care. At all. His friendship with Jackson was nonexistent at the moment and he didn’t want you dancing with a stranger with evil intentions. You were oblivious a force to reckon with, but at the same time being quite the lightweight, you were already a bit tipsy and Mark knew you wouldn’t be able to handle yourself if he did end up leaving you all alone. 

Heat rushed to his face when he felt you reach for his hand and intertwined it with yours. Your fingers were fairly smaller, but your hands fit perfectly with his. As soon as you made it on to the dance floor, you wrapped your arms around his neck and began dancing. A soft giggle fell from your lips when you noticed how timid and flustered he was being so close to you. He hesitantly placed both his hands on your upper back but they didn’t stay there for too long. With the courage you didn’t think was possible for you to have while you were sober, you brought his hands down to your lower waist and continued to move your hips gracefully to the music. 

“Don’t be such a hardass Mark. If you’re gonna dance, do it right.” Oh he was hard all right. He was hard as soon as he saw you over twenty minutes ago. It was inevitable for him to get so turned on by you. He’s had a crush on you for almost two years now and here you were, smiling up at him while swaying back and forth to The Weeknd. After a couple of moments, Mark finally let loose and allowed himself to dance along with you. He never wanted this moment to end. You looked so free; so in your element and he wanted you to always be this happy. 

He craved to be the source of your happiness and he knew he would treat you the way you deserved to be treated. The two of you were in your own little worlds that you failed to notice that his group of friends were looking directly at you and everyone but Jinyoung were so confused. Why was Mark dancing so freely with you knowing that you were his best friend’s girlfriend? Did he not feel the least bit of weird knowing who you were and that it was wrong for him to have his hands so close to your ass? 

None of them said anything about it though and they were all still so upset with Jackson to want to tell him what was going on so they all pretended like they saw nothing. The next song was a little more sexual, and you didn’t even think as you turned around and began grinding on Mark. Your mind was too clouded with alcohol to realize what you were doing could jeopardize not only your friendship with Mark but his friendship with Jackson. However, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. 

Feeling his hands make their way down to your hips as he helped you gyrate your ass against his hips sent chills down your spine. As the song continued to play, your movement became more rough, causing Mark’s pants to tighten even more than they already were. He was hard as a rock and on the verge of coming by the feeling of your plump ass rubbing against his cock. Once this song was over, he was planning on excusing himself to the bathroom to fix the huge problem in his pants but not before bringing you to his group of friends so that they could keep an eye on you. 

You however, had other plans. The hardness against your ass caused the coil in your stomach to tighten and you could feel the wetness between your thighs growing when Mark started to thrust upwards. When he brought one of his hands up to your chest and cupped one of your boobs, you released a soft moan. At this point, all your sanity was thrown out the window and before you could process the entire situation in front of you, your lips were on his. 

The kiss was rough; you barely gave Mark any time to prepare before smashing your mouth against his and he knew he shouldn’t be taking advantage of you since he was aware that you were inebriated, but he couldn’t help himself. He’s dreamt of learning what your lips would taste like and feel like molded against his own and now that he knew, he wasn’t going to be able to get enough. His hands playfully squeezed both your ass cheeks before cupping your face in his palms and deepening the kiss. It was rough; your teeth began clashing against his and both your tongues fought for dominance. 

Mark felt as if his entire body was in flames; but at the same time he felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown on him and woke up each and every cell in his body. To his dismay, you pulled away to catch your breath and before he could reconnect your lips together, you went on your tip toes and whispered in his ear. 

“Let’s get out of here.” He felt embarrassed at how eagerly he nodded in agreement and followed directly behind you as you made your way towards the exit. His mind was too busy being filled up with the thought of what the two of you were going to do that he didn’t even think about letting his friends know that he was leaving and he didn’t even think he could make it back to either of your places. He wanted you now. Even if it meant taking you up against his car in the middle of the parking lot. Once you both made your way to his truck, he headed straight for the back seat with every intention on fucking your brains out. You didn’t even have to say anything; although he wished he asked you what you wanted to do first. 

He wanted to make sure the two of you were on the same page, but before he could speak up, you were pushing him down on the chair and reconnecting your lips together. You brought your hands up to both his cheeks and kissed him like your life depended on it. Although he was kissing you so passionately and intensely, you could feel like he still wanted to be gentle with you and the idea made your heart flutter. 

“M—Mark.” With the way he was looking at you with an unfamiliar look in his eye that looked like a mix of adoration and something you couldn’t put your finger on, you wanted to show him just how much he meant to you. You took one of his hands and brought it down to your extremely soaking pussy. “Fuck me. Now.” His eyes widened in shock and he didn’t think you of all people; the shy and gentle y/n who had a hard time telling patients bad news because her heart was so big who also couldn’t tell the barista in the cafe that her order was wrong was capable of having such a dirty mouth on her. He felt his resolve slowly coming to it’s end at the feeling of how wet you were and he was so close to just saying fuck it and taking you right then and there in any and every position possible. But being the gentleman he was who cared about you, he wanted to make sure that you were doing this for all the right reasons. 

“Are you—are you sure about this y/n? I don’t want you doing this because you want to get back at Jackson. Honestly it might even be the alcohol talking for you and I don’t want you doing something like this while you’re not in the right mind. Knowing you, you’re probably wanting to do it right now because you’re vengeful and want to hurt Jackson the way he did with you, but I don’t want you to regret this—“ you placed a sloppy kiss on the corner of his mouth to get him to stop talking before sliding his index finger back and forth along your entrance; collecting all your juices that he caused when he pressed his hard on against your ass. 

“I want this Mark—I’ve wanted you for quite some time. I came out tonight to get fucked by a stranger so that Jackson and his infidelity no longer clouded my thoughts but now—now I want you to fuck me so hard that I can’t walk for the next week. I’m not drunk at all, I sobered up the minute I felt your erection graze my ass. You—you’re all that I want Mark. Please—fuck me.” 

You didn’t care how desperate you sounded and you felt ashamed for sounding so needy, but you’ve dreamt about having sex with Mark on numerous occasions and now your dreams were going to become a reality. 

“You don’t have to ask me twice baby girl. Lay down for me, I’m gonna make you feel so good. Gonna let you know how much I’ve been wanting this—how long I’ve been wanting you for. Gonna eat this pretty pussy of yours and then I’m gonna rearrange your guts. Understand me baby?” 

You let out a soft whimper at the term of endearment. Only then did you process his words and your heart speared at the idea of him harboring feelings for you. There were a few times that you felt Mark held some kind of feelings for you. You don’t buy a donut every single day; their favorite donut to be exact for someone you considered just a friend. You don’t stay at work for an extra hour waiting for someone you considered just a friend to finish work so that you could take them home yet Mark seemed to do that for you almost every single day. 

If his shift ended before yours did, he’d wait for you no matter how long he had to wait for just so he could take you home. You questioned his feelings for you so many times, but you kept lying yourself by saying he did all those things because he was a good friend and wanted to take care of you for Jackson’s sake. Mark placed you down gently before placing his knees on either side of your hips. He left a chaste kiss on your lips before slowly making his way down your body. He started off at your neck, licking and sucking on the soft and delicate flesh. 

You let out a breathy moan when you felt him bite down all but gently on your nape and you were sure it was going to leave a mark but you were more than excited at the thought of him giving you a hickey. After loving on your jaw and neck for a few minutes, he made his way to your breasts and kissed both of them lightly before practically yanking down the top part of your dress, exposing your beautiful mounds and he grunted when he saw that you weren’t wearing anything to protect them. 

“Fuck—do you have any clue how fucking beautiful you are y/n? And how intimidatingly sexy you are? Do you have any idea, how many eyes were on you tonight? This dress—you knew exactly what you were doing when you put this dress on tonight didn’t you baby? Mmm, you like that huh? Like me calling you baby don’t you y/n? Your tits are so fucking huge and so pretty. Who knew you were hiding such a beautiful rack under all those stupid scrubs. I’m gonna take good care of you tonight—gonna make you feel so good. Jackson will be nothing but a name by the time I’m done with you tonight. Now sit back and enjoy the ride baby.” He engulfed his mouth around one of your breasts before massaging your other one and toying with your nipple. 

The feeling of him loving on your chest was such an indescribable feeling. His mouth was warm against your perky breast and whimper fell from the back of your throat when he brought your nipple in between his teeth. He continued his ministrations for a couple of minutes, flicking and nipping at one of your nubs while twisting and pinching on the other. Your hands absentmindedly made their way in to his hair and you couldn’t help but tug on it as he fastened his movements. When you felt him groan against your mounds, probably because of the grip you had on his hair, you sighed in content. He pulled his mouth off of your breast in order to show love to your other one but not before informing you exactly how much he enjoyed sucking on your tits. 

“How does it feel for you y/n? Feel good? You like how my mouth feels sucking on these pretty titties of yours don’t you? Because I know I do. Just give me a couple of minutes to spend on your tits then I’ll make my way down to your cunt. Okay? I’m gonna take my time with you tonight—gonna show you how perfect you are and how you don’t deserve anything but the best.” 

Although the two of you were doing something so naughty, you couldn’t help but smile at his sweet words. However, when you felt his tongue licking circling around your other nipple before completely taking whatever he could fit inside of his mouth, your lips formed a small “o” at the feeling. During your relationship, you and Jackson had sex multiple times and you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t a good lover. He was great in bed. 

Not only was he rough, but he was also very naughty and always whispered the dirtiest things in your ear while he pounded himself inside of you. However, he was more focused on himself; he’d always expect a blow job every single time the two of you had sex but he never ate you out unless he was in the mood. Another thing you could do without was the fact that he only cared about whether or not he came. There was nothing wrong with him wanting to make sure he reached his orgasm, you just wished he be more adamant in wanting you to receive the same pleasure. 

The way Mark was taking his time learning each and every curve while showing love to every one of your body parts made your head spin. It was one thing for him to say you were beautiful but it was another thing for him to prove it with his actions. The longer he spent on your breasts, the faster warmth grew between your legs and as much as you loved breast play, and you loved the feeling of Mark’s mouth sucking and nipping on your chest, you needed his mouth sucking on a different body part of yours soon or else you were going to lose it. 

“M—Mark.” He pulled his mouth off before looking up at you with his cute little doe eyes. 

“Yes baby?” You reached for his hand and brought it down to your core, cupping it all but gently so he could feel just how wet your pussy was. 

“Please—touch me—eat me—fuck me with that pretty mouth of yours. Do anything Mark please—“ he giggled softly in to your neck at how submissive you were acting. How could someone sound so cute while begging for head? Even if the two of you had yet to do anything really, he knew he wanted to have you again and again. As many times as he possibly could. Thankfully Mark didn’t seem to be the teasing type; he made his way down to your thighs, pulling your dress down and taking it off completely. 

“Fuck—how can you—you can’t be real. Shit y/n, I know I’ve said this countless times already but you’re so fucking sexy.” Soft kisses and a couple of love bites were  left in his wake as he gently grazed his hands along your sides. Once he finally made his way down to your entrance, he left multiple kisses on the inside of your thighs. Absentmindedly, your hands found purchase in his hair, gripping softly when he blew a cool breeze against your core. 

“Such a pretty pussy—so so pretty—“ He took no time in licking a strip along your clit. His tongue was firm and solid as he lapped up all of your juices. Both feeling and hearing him hum against your cunt tightened the coil that was building up in your tummy. He continued his licks but didn’t take too long before he brought your clit in between his lips. The feeling of him nibbling and sucking against your nub felt like heaven. To add to your pleasure, Mark pressed a sloppy kiss at your core and leaned himself away from your cunt so he could bring two of his fingers up to your entrance. 

“Wanna feel how tight you are for me y/n—wanna see if you can handle me later—you already taste so good baby, let’s see how well you take me. I wanna see the effect my tongue is having on you.” Countless moans began falling from your throat and you could feel your eyes roll to the back of your head once you felt his fingers make their way in to your tight walls. One of your biggest weaknesses were Mark’s fingers. You always found them so long and skinny. Whenever the two of you ate lunch together, you’d take notice how pretty his fingers were as he’d write something down or whenever he played video games, you’d watch as his fingers would flick at the controllers so swiftly and you’d find yourself wanting to know what else his fingers were capable of. 

Having him scissor you open while continuing his attack on your pussy with his tongue was driving you to the brink of insanity. Whenever you’d find yourself daydreaming of what making love to Mark would feel like, you always imagined it to be an otherworldly experience and as you have his face buried in to your core, you couldn’t help but feel as if it was even more than that. His pace with shoving his fingers in and out of you was relentless. And God, the feeling of his teeth grazing against your over sensitive folds would forever be etched in to the back of your mind. 

“Mmm—Mark—so so good—I’m almost there—f—fuck.” Your wanton moans and breathy curses only drove him to go harder and you couldn’t stop the screams that filled his car. It was getting too much for you to handle and with the way Mark was grinding himself in to the chair to get any friction against his extremely hard and painful erection, you knew you weren’t the only one losing your sanity. 

“Let go for me baby.” Those five words did wonders for the burning sensation in your chest and soon you were practically seeing stars. Mark literally fucked the shit out of you with just his fingers and mouth alone. Your spine tingled with excitement at the idea of what he was capable of doing to you once he did both of you a favor and penetrated you. He looked up at you with the most adorable smile once he licked you up entirely and you couldn’t help but giggle at how he looked so adorable with your essence all over his face. 

“Come here.” You didn’t have to ask him twice; he quickly got up from off the floor and connected your lips together. His kiss was more softer this time and it gave you the chance to really take in the beautiful man hovering on top of you. After years of having an internal battle with yourself; trying to lie to yourself saying you only appreciated him because of his devastatingly good looks and how nice he was towards you and that there was no way you could possibly have any feelings for him whatsoever, you came to the conclusion that you’ve always harbored feelings for the older boy. And that says a lot seeing as how you were sure you loved Jackson with your entire being. 

When he began to grind himself against your naked sex, you broke out of your thoughts and released an erotic whimper; one that went straight to Mark’s pants. The rough material of his skinny jeans against your sensitive nub was something you weren’t used to, but it was a pleasurable soreness you couldn’t get enough of. 

“Take off your pants. Now.” If this was under different circumstances and he had the normal amount of patience he usually did, then he would’ve laughed at your impatient demeanor. He would’ve also teased you and went against everything you were asking of him just to mess with you. But since this was the first time he got to have his way with you after pursuing you for the last few years, he was just as excited as you were. Breaking away from you for a few seconds, he yanked his shirt off not caring if he were to ruin it or not and pulled his jeans off, leaving him in just his underwear. Your mouth watered at the sight of his dick imprint against his briefs and you took no time in reaching over to palm him over the thin material. Seeing him bite his lip at your touch made your cheeks warm and before you could continue your ministrations, he ripped your hand away and sat you up. 

“You’re gonna ride me like the filthy slut you are. Then you’re gonna suck on my cock. Am I clear?” There were so many times you’d find yourself wondering what Mark was like behind closed doors. You got to see him interact with patients every now and then and he was always so sweet; so patient with them. Your personalities were practically mirrored each other’s, which is why you found it hard to believe he had such a dirty mouth on him. Although you hated the idea of men degrading women, you loved hearing him say such erotic and naughty words. You nodded in agreement, closing your legs together at the thought of finally becoming one with Mark. 

Sometimes you wondered what life would’ve been like if you were to meet Mark before Jackson. Sure, the last two years with Jackson were some of the best years of your life so far, but you couldn’t stop the tiny voice in your head telling you that Mark was so much better for you. You began to worry at what was going to happen after the two of you finished your love making session. Did he really want you like he claimed he did? Or was he just having sex with you to have sex? You didn’t want to ruin your time together before it could really start and looked up at him while dragging your finger along his well defined body. How was he so ripped for a x-ray technician? When did he have the time to work on his body knowing that he worked 40 hours a week with overtime? 

“You’re so hot.” It came out a whisper, but the giggle that fell from his lips made it aware that he heard it and your cheeks grew red in embarrassment. He placed a soft kiss on your nose and placed some of your hair behind your ear so he could get a better look at you. 

“Stop being so cute. It makes it hard having all these vulgar and filthy images of what I plan on doing to you right now.” After playfully pinching your butt and a couple of stolen kisses later, he pulled off his underwear and threw it somewhere on the ground. Your breath hitched at the sight. Not only was he long, but he was also very thick and you had to take in a big gulp when you realized how he was going to vehemently stretch out your walls. Noticing your blank face, he couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong and he hated the thought of rushing you. You were his best friend’s girlfriend for God’s sake. 

This was all happening too soon. You came out tonight with vengeance on your mind and he knew it was wrong to be an accomplice; to be the one you fooled around with but he didn’t care anymore. He was aware how unethical it was to lose a friendship of over ten years for a girl he’s known for two, but you weren’t just some random girl. You were the love of his life and once the two of you were to call it a night, he was going to try and see if you were willing to take things further in your relationship.

“Everything okay y/n?” You didn’t realize that you must’ve been blanking out and you nodded quickly while flipping the two of you so that he was laying against the seat and you were on top of him. 

“You’re just—um—yeah.” He looked at you in curiosity before placing his hands on both of your ass cheeks and kneading them all but gently. 

“I’m sorry—I didn’t quite get that y/n. I’m gonna need you to speak up if you plan on sinking on my dick at all tonight. Don’t hide from me baby. I want to see the real you. The you that no one else gets to see. Be loud for me y/n.” A soft sigh fell from your lips before bringing your hand to his face and bringing his cheeks in between your fingers. 

“Your cock is huge and I can’t wait to feel it inside of me. Is that what you wanted to hear? Don’t lie, you want me to ride you just as much as I want to so even if I didn’t admit it you—“ The forceful kiss he smashed against your lips got you to stop all together. 

“I’ve wanted to fuck you the minute I’ve met you. Well—I mean I wanted to do a lot of things with you. I wanted to kiss you at the most randomest times of the day, I wanted to hold you and to be held by you. I wanted to beat you in halo and have you take out your anger from losing on me in bed. I wanted to take you out on cute little dates and have you meet my family. Everything Jackson got to do, I wanted to do it. I hated seeing the two of you be all lovey dovey knowing that I had feelings for you—have feelings for you. I still can’t believe we’re here right now and I’m just seconds away from burying myself balls deep in that tight cunt of yours. You mean a hell of a lot to me y/n. I’ll take good care of you baby—not just right now. If you’ll give me the chance—I’ll treat you the way you deserve. I’ll give you my all—everything I have. I’ll never give you a reason to question your worth. You’re so fucking perfect y/n and you’re all I could ever want—need in my life.” 

You didn’t even realize you were tearing up until he brought his fingers up to your cheek to wipe away a stray tear. He ran his thumb across your bottom lip and you playfully brought it in to your mouth, seductively sucking on it to get a rise out of him. When you first found out that Jackson was cheating on you, you were quick to blame yourself for not being good enough. You began to feel like you weren’t enough for Jackson. Not pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough, sexy enough. You felt worthless and you were afraid that any man would get tired of you and move on to someone more exciting; more thrilling who did more than baking new recipes she saw on the food network and reading romantic novels in her free time. 

Mark however, in less than an hour made you feel like you were the most beautiful girl in the entire world. Like you were an ethereal goddess on this hell forsaken earth and he’s always treated you this way. It just took so long for you to finally come to that realization and now that you did, you knew that you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life loving and being loved by Mark.

“Take me Mark. I’m yours.” The growl that came from the back of his throat sent you in a frenzy. For someone who had such an adorable and extremely contagious high pitched laugh, it was hard to believe that he had such a deep and raspy voice. Whenever the two of you had shifts early in the morning, you were lucky enough to hear how hoarse and rough his voice could get and it was extremely attractive. Now that it was being used in such a sensual and lustful atmosphere, you couldn’t be more turned on. 

“Wait—y/n, I don’t have a condom. Fuck—“ you gave him a smirk before taking his cock in your hand; you grazed your thumb against his slit and spread the precum around the tip before cupping his length and dragging your hand along his girth. Watching him throw his head back while biting his bottom lip in attempts to keep in his moans and grunts gave you a huge amount of confidence you didn’t think was possible. In most of your love making sessions with Jackson, you let him dominate you every single time. It wasn’t like he gave you much of a choice though; he made it aware that he never submitted to anybody. 

Seeing Mark; completely putty in your hands was a sight you’d never get over wanting to see. After giving his cock a few pumps, you lined him up at your entrance; gliding his tip along your folds to collect some of your essence from earlier as lubricant. Neither of you were prepared for the delicious stretch once you finally sank down on him. Your walls were so warm; so tight and so wet and Mark knew he wasn’t going to last long. He could come right then and there if he really wanted to but he didn’t want to seem like a loser who came in less than three minutes no matter how crazy you were driving him. 

The two of you moaned in sink and he immediately sat up; not being able to physically stay away from you. He wanted to be as close to you as he possibly could. His chest was warm against yours and the feeling of his heartbeat made you smile against his neck. 

“I’m on the pill if you’re okay with that.” He nodded quickly and smashed his lips roughly against yours. 

“You feel so fucking good—so fucking tight—I’m gonna need you to do something soon—ride me y/n. Fuck me like you hate me baby—I wanna see those tits bounce for me.” You took his arms off from your waist and shoved him back down to his previous position. As much as you loved the feeling of his arms wrapped protectively around your body, you wanted to watch his facial expressions as you bounced on him. He looked at you with so much lust in his eyes; seeing you so forceful and commanding made his dick twitch. You grabbed tightly at both of his wrists and pinned them above his head before you got off of him and sank back down. His cock was throbbing at this point and you were sure he was probably suffering not being able to do anything about it for the last hour. 

Feeling his cock glide perfectly against your tight, velvety walls was mindblowing. He began meeting your thrusts roughly, shoving himself as far as he could go in to your pussy that this position allowed him to. Mark may have been underneath you and readily allowed you to take the lead, but he was a power bottom. He couldn’t help himself; you just felt so good each and every time your ass sank down and clapped against his abdomen. Sure, he already thought you were so beautiful, but having you there with your hair a tangled messed, your otherworldly figure naked and bare, breasts bouncing, sweat building up on your body with your skin glistening and your face reacting to each and every pump of his dick against your core, Mark felt like this was when you were the most beautiful. There was nothing he loved more than hearing his name fall from your lips the rougher he thrusted himself in to you. Skin on skin slapping filled up the car and the windows began to fog. 

“M—Mark—fuck me—“ he giggled softly and cupped your cheek with his palm as you continued bouncing on him at a fleeting pace. 

“Isn’t that what I’m doing baby? Fuck y/n—you feel so good. I love being buried in this tight cunt of yours. Tell me y/n—whose making you feel so good. Whose cock is stretching you out so well huh? Fucking say it y/n.” You placed one hand on his chest while bringing the other one to wrap around his neck. He gasped at your movements and you could tell it wasn’t something he was used to, but he didn’t do anything to stop it nor did he seem like he wanted you to pull away. 

“You Mark—you. And only you. Your cock feels so good—you’re so—ugh—fucking huge—“ right as you were about to continue, a noise interrupted the two of you and you wanted to ignore it, but you knew exactly what—or who it was. 

“What is that?” You groaned before looking around for your phone. You had no clue where anything was at this point; your mind was so set on having Mark fuck the living shit out of you so you didn’t care about anything else. “Nothing, ignore it. Keep fucking me.” His hands cupped both of your breasts and playfully flicked both your nipples before continuing to massage them. Unfortunately, your phone went off again and this time, Mark grew curious as to who might have been calling. 

“Maybe you should answer it. It must be important if they’re calling a second time.” You looked towards the ground in search of your phone and rolled your eyes at the caller id. 

What perfect timing he had. “It’s Jackson.” The frown that rose upon Mark’s face made your heart sink; he didn’t understand why he was so bothered. He was the one with his dick inside of you at the moment, so what did it matter if Jackson was calling? His grimace didn’t last long when an idea immediately popped in to his head. 

“Answer it.” You looked at him in disbelief. Did he really think you were going to answer your boyfriend’s phone call while you were currently riding another man? He had to be crazy; but the devilish grin on his face said otherwise. “You heard me y/n. Answer it. Answer him while I fuck you. Let’s see how much of a good girl you really are.” It was risky, and you were afraid your cover was going to be blown as soon as you said hello. But you didn’t care anymore. If Jackson were to find out what you were doing right now and who you were doing right now, then so be it. You were already having such a hard time controlling your moans and stifled cries of pleasure, what more now while talking on the phone with your boyfriend? 

“Hey—what’s up?” Mark looked at you with an unreadable look in his eye but deep down you knew it couldn’t be good. 

“What am I doing—I—uh—I’m working out—yeah—f—fuck—hmph—sorry, there’s this one squat that’s—so fucking hard—“ he lifted you off of him in one swift motion and flipped the two of you so that you were lying on your stomach and he was hovering over your back. Out of all the positions, doggy style was his favorite. Mark couldn’t count on his hands how many times he pictured you on all fours as he fucked in to you with no mercy. He didn’t even give you any time to prepare before inserting himself back inside of you. Jackson had to be an idiot for not even thinking that you were currently fucking someone else. Your moans were that of pleasure, not pain. 

Mark’s pace was relentless; he was practically in jack rabbit mode pulling out and pushing himself inside of you at a pace that was driving you closer to the edge. He found his way in to the crook of your neck and left a few wet kisses there. 

“You—you wanna come—over? Right now? Oh, um, I’m actually really tired—FUCK—sorry I just stubbed my toe—I’ll probably take a shower and go tO BED FUCK—“ For some reason, knowing that Jackson was on the other side of the call heightened Mark’s desire to want to hurry up and reach his orgasm. Something about the fact that the two of you were so close to getting caught aroused him even more. You didn’t even have the chance to continue before Mark yanked your phone away and threw it back on the ground. If you weren’t so focused on your release, you would’ve been mad at the lack of care he had for your expensive technology. But you could feel your orgasm building up and it was all you wanted at this point. 

“He talks too much—you’re supposed to be focused on me—how do you think he’ll feel knowing that his best friend fucked his girlfriend doggy style? You like this position don’t you y/n? You like how it feels getting your back blown out. Love the feeling of your beautiful ass clapping against my navel? Love being on your knees like the dirty girl you are. I hope you know once we’re done in here, I plan on taking you back to my place and having you again. I’m never gonna get enough of you y/n. I love—I—fuck I love you so much ahhh shit—“ his creamy, warm liquid filled up your body in deep, rushed squirts. You couldn’t put in to words how full you now felt and you didn’t know if it was because he filled you to the hilt with his cum, or because he just confessed that he loved you. 

Being the insecure person that you were, you couldn’t stop the tiny voice in your head telling you that he said it in the heat of the moment. There was no way he could love you. He was Mark Tuan; one of the most popular and sought out bachelors in your entire hospital. Every nurse, receptionist and medical assistant had eyes for him and you couldn’t blame them. He was gorgeous and you were sure he could get anyone he wants; especially someone without baggage from a toxic relationship with someone he called his best friend. Mark could do so much better than you. 

Although you could tell he was tired, he continued his thrusts inside you while bringing his hand down to your clit and rubbing on it to help bring you to your orgasm. He wanted you to feel the euphoria he was feeling since you milked him dry of everything he had and rode the living hell out of him. Before you knew it, you were soon seeing stars and coming a second time that night in less than an hour. Jackson, and any one of your previous boyfriends could never get you to come even once the entire duration of your hookup. Your heart warmed at the idea of Mark wanting to make sure you were having an equally amazing time as he was. 

He was the first man who seemed genuinely interested in making sure that you were taken cared of and as selfish as it sounded, you craved to have another chance to be one with him. Once you both reached your highs, he turned you over and gently placed you down on the seat before plopping himself on top of you. Usually you would complain about how sticky and sweaty your partner was after sex, but something about Mark was different from everyone else. You wanted to be as close to him to be able to feel his heartbeat. 

The one that was practically beating against your chest like a snare drum. He leaned back to take a good look at you and stole one kiss from the corner of your mouth while brushing some stray hairs away from your face. “That’s my pretty baby. Such a good girl y/n. I can’t—that was—fuck. You are ethereal. I know I told you to fuck the life out of me but shit—I didn’t think you’d actually do it. I’m gonna need to have you at least three times a day.” 

You let out an exhausted giggle while tracing some patterns on his back. No matter how tired you were though, watching him stare at you like you were some marvel, like the person who set the solar system in the sky made you want to show him what the idea of making love to him again did to you. “Mark. I want to suck you off.” The fit of coughs that fell from the back of his throat was unexpected. In his past experiences, Mark never forced a girl to ever do something she didn’t want to do. One of his favorite parts of sex was receiving head, but he only wanted his partner to blow him if she wanted to; not because she felt like she had to. However, hearing you confidently confess that you wanted to give him a blowjob made his heart flutter and he could feel himself getting hard again. 

“God y/n, you’re too good for me. I can’t wait to fuck that pretty mouth of yours.” He was quick in pulling himself out of you; the whimper that fell from your lips at the absence of him inside of you made him stifle back a laugh but seeing you sink to your knees was a sight that Mark would’ve never thought he would ever see in his 27 years of existence. You put your hair up in a makeshift ponytail and brought his dick in to the palm of your hand. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t think penises were ugly. Genitals in general were extremely ugly; but something about Mark’s made your cheeks warm and your core throb. Was there nothing wrong with this man at all? It was obvious he was God’s favorite. 

You spit on the tip of his cock to lubricate him before you began pumping him from the tip of his cock down to his balls. You brought your thumb against the side of his length and slowly glided it back and forth. Then, after what felt like hours to Mark, you placed a kiss on the tip before wrapping your mouth around it. The feeling of your tongue circling against the head while you ran it in between his slit made him want to pull his hair out. You barely got to do anything and he felt like he was overstimulated. You lowered your hands to both of his balls and began fondling them while completely engulfing his dick with your mouth. You tried to take as much of him in to your mouth as you possibly could. 

His tip hit the back of your throat with each and every thrust and you could feel tears building up in your eyes. It hurt; your mouth was already opened as wide as it could possibly go and Mark lost himself in how amazing it felt. Your mouth was warm and tight; just like your cunt and he was enjoying the feeling of your teeth grazing along his veins. 

“Fuck y/n—you’re swallowing me so well. Your mouth—fuck your mouth—so warm—so wet. You look so pretty like this; with my cock down your throat. Even prettier with it buried in your soaking pussy. Do you think I could—would it be okay if—I face fuck you? Sorry baby—it’s just too much. Don’t hesitate to tell me if it hurts okay? I just—fuck I can’t wait to feel you choking on me.” He allowed you some time to prepare and to get in to a comfortable position. When you gave Mark the okay, he reached for your ponytail and gave it a light tug. 

“Wait Mark—before I start, I want to try something.” The question was on the tip of his tongue, but stopped altogether the minute he felt you bring one of his balls in to your mouth; roughly sucking and grazing it ever so softly with your teeth. You didn’t spend much time on his balls, you wanted nothing more than to feel him fuck your mouth but you wanted to show his body the same amount of love he was showing to yours. After nipping, sucking and fondling both of his balls, you brought your mouth back on to his cock and let him control the pace and tempo of his thrusts. He placed one hand on the back of your head as the other yanked at your ponytail. You could feel your jaw working pretty hard on swallowing him and you could feel saliva falling from the sides of your mouth; but the moans, animalistic grunts, and compliments of how good you were blowing him made the pain worth it. 

Not too long after you began sucking on his cock, your phone started to ring again and you had a fear that Jackson put two and two together. At this point, you didn’t give two shits if he were to find out. Matter of a fact, you wanted him to find out. You would even take a picture of Mark’s dick down your throat if you could. Even if Jackson no longer loved you, his ego would surely hurt if he were to find out you slept with his best friend and if you told him that not only was Mark more well endowed, but that he was a much better lover than Jackson could ever be. You were in shock when Mark picked your phone up with his foot and glared at him for doing so, but in even more shock when he answered the phone. 

“Hey man—it’s Mark. Y/n can’t talk right now, my cock is shoved deep down her throat and we would like it if you would stop interrupting us I’m trying to bust a nut in her mouth right now. Bye.” Your eyes widened in shock at his words; not only did he confess that you were blowing him, but he said it so nonchalantly. Like getting sucked off by your best friend’s girlfriend was something natural that happened every day. You pulled your mouth from off of him and looked at him in awe but all he did was smirk and give you a noncommittal shrug. 

“What? It was gonna come out sooner or later. Don’t act so surprised, you weren’t all that inconspicuous when you were riding this cock while talking to him. Oh you’re exercising all right—clenching your tight pussy on my cock—they call that kegel if I’m not mistaken. Now, be a good girl and take me back in to your mouth.” You playfully rolled your eyes at his command and wrapped your lips back around his cock, taking him as deep in to the back of your mouth as you could. Whatever you couldn’t fit, you wrapped your hand around and began pumping him; the sounds that fell from his lips were so heavenly. 

Never in a million years would you have ever thought you’d find yourself on the floor of Mark’s car with his dick down your throat but you weren’t complaining. He continued to thrust roughly inside of your mouth, trying his best not to hurt you too much but you just felt so good. Watching as you hollowed your cheeks as you continued bobbing your head up and down brought him so much pleasure. There was so many things he wanted to do to you and with you. Face fucking that pretty little mouth of yours was always at the top of his list and he still couldn’t believe it was happening. Feeling you choke on him as he continued ramming himself inside of you is what finally got him to break and to your delight, he released his load in your mouth. You milked him of everything he had and made sure to leave one more kiss on his tip before pulling your lips off with a loud pop. 

“Damn—Jackson really fucked up didn’t he? Fuck—you can’t be real. You suck dick like your life depends on it. I always knew you were a kinky little shit. You were made to suck my cock y/n. That was incredible—you were—wow. I can’t even tell you how much I loved that. I always knew sex with you would be an experience but I wasn’t prepared for that.” 

You let out a soft giggle, but your mind was filled with so many different thoughts. He told you he loved you while he was buried inside of you. Did he really mean it? Or was he having a mental breakdown and wasn’t able to think of what he was saying? But he also mentioned on having you again and that he’s dreamt of having you like this for a while, so that had to mean something right? 

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours? You’re spacing out y/n.” He reached out for you and brought you on to his lap while running his fingers along your ribcage. Mark knew you long enough to learn the meanings behind your different mannerisms and he could tell something was on your mind. He was going to make it aware that he was telling you the truth earlier. Taking care of you and your happiness was his new main priority. All he ever wanted to do was to be the main reason behind your breathtaking smile and contagious laughter. He wanted to remind you every single day of how you were the most special person in his life. No matter what this was going to do with his friendship with Jackson, he was going to let it happen. 

“Mark.” You looked up at him with curiosity in your eyes and nervousness in your chest. “You said you love me and that you wanna take care of me from now on. Did you—um—do you mean it?” You brought your attention to the ground; not quite prepared for his answer. If this was a spur of the moment kind of thing, you were screwed in more ways than one. Not only were you newly single, or at least had every intention on breaking up with Jackson now, but you didn’t want to lose your friendship with Mark. You were mad with yourself for letting your carnal urges take over, but he was allowing it to continue. He could’ve stopped you the minute you began grinding your ass against his crotch, but he made it aware that he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. His lips were warm against the corner of your mouth; he began placing feather light kisses all around your face until reconnecting your lips together. 

There were times in your relationship where you no longer got butterflies from kissing Jackson and that’s when you knew there was a chance your relationship was going to go downhill. Kissing Mark however was a completely different story. Your body felt electrified. His kiss ignited a fire in your bones and you couldn’t stop wanting to kiss him. 

“I meant every single thing I said y/n. I love you—I’ve been in love with you for longer than I’d like to admit. I um—I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an asshole or a bad friend—I’ve actually been single this entire time because I’ve only ever had eyes for you. Pathetic right? I’ve been pining after my best friend’s girlfriend from the beginning of their relationship. I just—I’ve always thought the world of you. I always admired you; your determination, work ethic, your kindness, generosity, intelligence—you’re the most astounding person I’ve ever met. I knew you were out of Jackson’s league when he first introduced us to you and the more time I spent with you, the more I realized that nobody really deserved you. Not even me. I don’t know how you feel about me, but I can only hope by the mind blowing sex we just relinquished in that you have some kind of feelings for me. Even if this was a brief lapse of judgment on your part, I hope you realize that you deserve so much more than what Jackson can give you. I’m sorry for not telling you of his infidelity earlier, but I wanted him to tell. I can promise you I’m not hiding anything else from you and if you give me the chance, I’d love to be yours y/n.” His confession sent your head spinning and you didn’t think you could form the words to show him how much he meant to you and how excited you were to take things further in your relationship. Seeing that beautiful smile of yours that he loved so much light up your face made him mirror your expression and placed a soft kiss on your nose. “I’m taking that pretty smile of yours as the answer—“

“I love you too. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any feelings for you. I think I always felt something toward you and only now did I realize that it was love—I knew it was wrong to like you while I was in a relationship so that’s why I tried my best to ignore all the romantic thoughts I’d have of you. I just—I didn’t think I deserved you. You did so many things for me—things that Jackson didn’t even do for me and I couldn’t help but thinking that I was with the wrong person. Just a few months ago, I started wishing it was you whenever I kissed Jackson or whenever we had sex. Every time he held my hand or pulled me in to his embrace, I’d pretend it was you. I always felt this connection with you and sometimes I’d mention inviting you over to Jackson’s every now and then so I had an excuse to see you. You know when I found out he was cheating, I had this crazy idea of getting back at him and this naughty fantasy of fucking you in my bedroom and having him walk in on us would replay over and over in my head. I’d love to be yours Mark. It’s all I ever wanted. Things would’ve been so much better if I met you on my own in the hospital before I met Jackson, but let’s not worry about it. We’re together now, that’s all that matters. But Mark—what about Jackson?” He let out a scoff. 

“What about Jackson? Fuck him—wait don’t. I’m going to be the only man you fuck from now on. I lost all respect for him when I found out he was cheating on you. How could anyone in their right minds do such a thing to you? You’re the most flawless being in existence and his dumbass took advantage of you. Now his karma is going to suffer watching me take care of you in the ways he failed to. Maybe we should go and make that fantasy a reality right now? There are so many ways and so many places I plan on taking you in baby. You’re mine y/n and I’m going to make sure everyone in your building knows it once I’m done with you.”

[binniedeactivated]

𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞. || y.j🌪

╰─▸🖤 ❝ @[@𝐛𝐮𝐠𝐬𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠.. ]

✎𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐲𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐧 𝐱 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤!𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥

 ✎ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞, 𝐋𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭!𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭

 ✎ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 2.5k

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐥

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒; 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐜 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐠 𝐮𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐞𝐭𝐜.

a/n; 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬/𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥!

“I can see you as a doctor, lawyer maybe”. she said while they both walked down the street, their jackets being a safeguard to the fridgid weather. It was never safe walking in the neighborhood they both lived in especially at this time of night but luckily she had taehyun, who knew all kinds of alleyways and shortcuts.

taehyun rolls his eyes while chewing on his sandwich, “amara what I tell you about that shit?”.

she laughs, the brightness of her smile outshining the stars that blanketed over the both of them. “I’m serious tae. you’re smart. you can be someone if you applied yourself”.

“yeah well I don’t want to hear that. you know who you sound like and it pisses me off”.

she sighs as her parted curly hair sifted over the side of her face in the breeze. taehyun was going to say that she sounded just like his parents. well, adopted parents. He hated when anyone called them his parents because, well, they weren’t. And tae hated them. his real parents were locked away in prison for a school of crimes taehyun could recite on his own. Theft, Assault, Arson, Burglary, the list could go on for decades.

she grins playfully pushing him to the side, “stop being so salty. You know I’m just looking out for you”.

“you know I’ll be fine amara. what you need to do is watch out for yourself. I see the way these guys stare at you”.

now she was the one rolling her eyes. “Yeah and you know Sammy will kill them all”. Taehyun sucks his teeth. “Fuck Sammy”.

Sammy was her boyfriend. smooth brown skin, pretty teeth and long hair that he always wore in a high bun—- real cute Hispanic guy. Taehyun never liked him though because of all the shit he caused. He was a real troublemaker and taehyun thought amara only looked past his ways because she thought that was all she could ever get.

taehyun knew she deserved better. Amara was his best friend after all. he knew who she was capable of being.

Approaching her building there was a group of men outside the apartment building she lived in, smoking weed, talking and laughing about some bullshit dice game. one of them being Sammy. Taehyun spotted him even from the distance they were at.

“Speaking of the damn devil”.

Amara slaps him on the shoulder and laughs. “I’ll catch you at school tyun. Make sure you go home!”.

Taehyun kisses her on the cheek and side hugs her with care. “I’ll think about it. Be safe amara. I love you”.

“I will bozo”. she couldn’t help but insult before closing the distance between her and her apartment building. With a blunt between his fingers Sammy spots her, smiling down at her five foot three frame. And he wasn’t the only one sneaking glances of course. Being quite thicker in the thighs and wider in the hips it was normal for guys to look at her.

“hey baby. Who was that?”.

“taehyun”.

He hums, looking at the ground before looking at her, his what was once pink lips blackening from all the weed he smoked. he furrowed a brow.

“you know I don’t like that little son of a bitch”.

“alright Sammy, please. I don’t have time for this shit tonight. He’s my best friend and you know that”.

He clutches her arm tightly, “I said I don’t like his ass. You shouldn’t be hanging out with him”. he orders and she could see in his eyes that he wasn’t sober. she gasps at the sudden pain and try to rip away from his grip but couldn’t due to his strength.

“Sammy get off of me!”.

He grins, “stop being so loud girl. What’s all the fuss about. Don’t you like it when I grab you like this?”.

he stares in her face trying to be sexy but looking more like a drunken pervert. she immediately became uncomfortable and tries to pry herself off of him but he only grips her tighter worsening the pain.

“Sammy stop it! You’re drunk”.

“I don’t want you hanging out with taehyun anymore you understand me?”. His breath reeked of alcohol.

“Get the fuck off me!”.

He finally throws her to the ground as if she were a garbage can herself. If it wasn’t for her protecting her fall with her hands she would’ve been planted face first in the cement. She was angry though, and not to mention she was already freezing.

Getting back up she dusted off her hands and angrily pushed Sammy backwards. “Don’t you put your fucking hands on me!”.

he raises his hand and slaps her good and hard. It was normal, her and him. It was normal for them to fight like that whenever Sammy got like this. And she would combat it the same way each time, punching him in his jaw before storming into the old, torn and piss smelling hallways of her apartment building. Luckily she lived on the third floor so the walk upstairs wasn’t all that bad. Except she always got a whiff of a bunch of weird smells when going up them.

she got to her landing with an aching face and a purring sound behind her. she turns quickly, startled at the sudden noise. Her nerves came to end though when she realized it was just beomgyu feeding some stray cat that always sat at the front of his apartment door. she was going to speak to him until she heard thumping noises above them both and a bunch of loud and erotic moaning.

The both of them glare at each other and laugh.

“beomgyu when are you going to tell your parents that they aren’t on their honeymoon every fucking night?”.

he smiles stroking the head of the grey cat softly. “Hey if eating each other’s pussies keep them off my ass then I’m all for it”.

beomgyu’s parents got divorced when he was really young and left his mother high and dry when he found out she was a full blown lesbian. Leaving beomgyu to be raised by two women since his father wanted nothing to do with him anymore, as if it were his fault. Not that it ever bothered beomgyu though. He never minded especially since his dad was a grade A asshole.

she laughs and starts her way to her own apartment across the hall with the sound of beomgyu trying to bribe the cat to come into his apartment as the background noise. As soon as she twists the brass knob she was pissed. The fact that it was even unlocked could’ve been hazardous. Anyone could’ve came in and robbed the place. She opens the door and shuts it behind herself.

She almost shit herself though when she was immediately greeted by her mother standing in front of her. She didn’t know what her mother had been doing prior to her arrival but she didn’t look good at all.

“Ma? You alright?”. Amara asks trying to catch a clue in the women’s eyes. Except she got nothing but a woozy stare. “Tariq wants us to have privacy tonight. You have to go somewhere else”. She blatantly says out of nowhere. Amara could feel herself clenching her fists,

Tariq was her controlling, manipulative ass stepfather.

“Go somewhere else?!”.

“Yes, just for this one night amara”.

“Ma!! You’re acting like I have other places to stay. Why are you kicking me out because he wants alone time?!”.

“Don’t talk to me like that girl. Like I said, for just this one night. You’re more tha welcomed to get some over night clo—“.

“Fuck that!”. Amara screams and makes her exit right then and there before she did anything she regretted. with her back now against the door she breathes in deep breaths trying calm herself as best as she possibly could.

All the while some boy with sleek black parted hair and specs was watching the episode unravel on his way down the stairs. She grew angry at the curiosity in his eyes.

“What the fuck are you looking at yeonjun?”.

“You need a place to stay mean ass?”. He asks calmly. Living in the same place for so long it was normal for everyone to know everyone. It’s just, yeonjun wasn’t someone she talked to normally.

Normally it would be Taehyun and Summer she talked to most. Summer was another best friend of hers whose dating tyun and just as annoying as him almost if not more. There’s was also heuning kai and occasionally beomgyu.

funny how yeonjun thought she was the most gorgeous girl in the world though.

she sighs trying to remove her own hostility. It wasn’t yeonjun’s fault that her mother was a bitch and to be honest, besides the fact that his dad is in the military and his mom acted a little off sometimes, she knew staying at his place wouldn’t be all that bad.

“yeah, I guess”.

she finally gives in having no choice. yeonjun gestures towards the stairs and brings her up to his apartment. she was happy to finally get a whiff of something good, home cooking made by his mother.

“Mom! Amara is staying tonight!”. He yells before directing her to take her coat off and place it on the coat rack at the door. she felt a little naked in her leggings and sweater she had to admit. but she also thought his apartment was way nicer than anyone else in the building who did absolutely nothing with theirs or just had no taste in good decor.

“I don’t want you getting ideas first off. This is a one night thing”. She declared as soon as she entered his room which had a quirky aesthetic vibe she liked. Records on the wall and lava lamps on his dressers and desk. Sneakers lined up underneath his bed and a pretty overflowing closet.

he held his hands up in surrender and laughs, “I’m not getting ideas trust me. But as you can see I have two beds so— you can sleep on the other one if you want. The sheets are clean”.

“Thank you yeonjun. You invite hoes over often? Mr.Two beds?”. She says plopping on the soft surface.

“no, just you”. He teases leaving amara launching a pillow at him jokingly. “hey! I am not a hoe”. This is just what yeonjun loved about her. She was easy going. Never took jokes that serious and loved to laugh.

“hey I don’t know what you do with your free time”. He jokes again.

“schoolwork thank you very much”.

“Ah, that’s something a hoe would say”.

Amara laughs again, not expecting yeonjun to be as funny as he was. He was also kind of cuter upclose but that didn’t matter. She had Sammy.

“If I’m such a hoe isn’t this the part where we’re supposed to fuck?”.

hearing that sentence was like a punch in the gut to yeonjun, it was something he definitely wasn’t expecting her to say. He jokes back, “what are we waiting for then?”.

oddly enough the room became silent once that statement left his lips. It was an innocent gaze at first but it became heated quickly. she figured after the night she had, what else could go wrong? She needs some type of fix.

And this is what led her slowly crawling over the bed and on the floor in front of yeonjun who was sitting on the bed across from her. she lays her head on his inner thigh gazing up at him with her pretty dark brown eyes. “you’re right...what are we waiting for?”. She repeats, rubbing the bulge poking out of his sweatpants.

He didn’t stop her at all, instead he grabs her hair and bite his lips, staring down at her under his circular frames. “Tsk. These the games we’re playing?”.

she slowly drags down his briefs, “only if you don’t tell anyone”. She wasted no time rolling her lips down his veiny thick length. Yeonjun’s hips twitch at the sudden feeling. The heat of her mouth worked wonders. She bobs her head with care, making sure she was licking and sucking anything she could get to. And already yeonjun was groaning underneath his breath.

she only came up for air and let her slimy tongue wrap around the tip of his dick cleaning it of his precum and sliding her tongue in between the slit naughtily. Yeonjun grunts lowly again clutching the strands of her hair harder,

“god I’m going to have to fuck the shit out of you after this”.

[forevercloudnine]

pre-new 52 scarebat ship meme

 (I actually have no idea what to call this period of comics. The dc wiki calls this the “New Earth” universe... it’s like, everything after Jason Todd was retconned out of being a circus acrobat up to Flashpoint. Anyway like a month ago I asked @heroes-etc​ to send me questions for this version of scarebat from this ship meme but then forgot that I did it because I got distracted by other ships. Sorry Jonathan...)

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

Bruce does DO physical affection — I mean, how many comic panels do we even have of him making out with Catwoman on rooftops — but he’s not especially forthcoming with it. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that his love interests are more likely to instigate contact than he is, especially when that love interest is a villain like Selina or Talia (can you even IMAGINE him trying to take them off guard in a fight by grabbing their face for a kiss? Because I cannot).

He does occasionally instigate affection with his children/proteges, though usually it’s in instances where they obviously need comfort. Bruce isn’t always great at handling complicated emotional situations, but grief and trauma is something he understands very intimately, and he never hesitates to physically reassure people who are in that kind of pain.

In situations where someone isn’t in the active process of being traumatized, he’s less forward with physical affection. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll reject it if it’s instigated — depending on who you are, of course. I’m guessing he wouldn’t put up with hugs from random members of the Justice League. Superman is his best friend and he would probably try to wiggle out of 90% of Kal hugs if doing so was physically possible. Most of his loved ones don’t really spring physical affection on him unless they need it or it’s an especially emotional moment, however. It’s not really Bruce’s primary love language. 

Jonathan seems even less physically affectionate than Bruce, though obviously doesn’t have a lot of opportunity to demonstrate how he feels either way. Master of Fear offers the only example of him expressing explicitly romantic affection that I know of (unless you count his terrorizing Becky Albright in New Year’s Evil as physical affection, which... might be how he’s thinking of it...?), and it’s entirely instigated by Sherry Squire. He does ask her to the Halloween party, but she’s the one who takes him down to the furnace room for some “one-on-one” time and tells him to kiss her. 

He also notably does not actually get a chance to kiss her, mainly because the whole thing was a prank meant to humiliate him. This might be why he doesn’t try to instigate anything similar with his next crush, Dr. Linda Friitawa (again, unless you count Becky Albright, but I can’t find New Year’s Evil to read anywhere so my only knowledge of his interaction with her comes from Tumblr. I’m like 80% sure he was supposed to be interested in her romantically, but asking someone to do supervillainy with you isn’t the most direct way to express attraction, so I’m taking that as more obliqueness from Jonathan).

He never expresses any direct romantic interest in Linda, but at the very least he clearly cares about her more than he cares for most people, since he, like. Defends her in conversation and apologizes to her for things that aren’t even his fault. Which means a lot, coming from a sociopath with no regard for human life. They do hold hands at one point, but Linda reaches out to him first, and he waits to see if she’s going to back away from his reciprocated touch before he reaches for her other hand. 

He never instigates anything further with her, possibly out of fear of rejection. Unfortunately, it turns out that this was a good call, because Linda was only pretending to be nice to him while Penguin was paying her to experiment on Jonathan without his knowledge. When Batman figures out what they’re doing, she immediately fucks off and starts dating Black Mask.

Even more unfortunately, his 45 seconds of hand holding with Backstabby McMad Scientist is probably the only mutual physical affection Jonathan has ever experienced in his entire life, so honestly I have no idea if he would be more into it as a concept if it was offered to him more often. He’s clearly willing to return physical contact when it’s initiated by someone else, so maybe it is something he would seek out in an actual relationship? He DOES get handsy with Bruce when he has Batman tied up sometimes. 

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

Trip out on fear toxin, both of them, hands down. There are few things more embarrassing than, as Jonathan aptly describes it, being “reduced to whimpering quivers” in front of your enemy. Especially an enemy who’s presumably jotting down notes on your worst fears, since Batman/Scarecrow fights tend to just be competitions in who’s more frightening.

11. What do they hide from one another?

I mean, obligatory mention of the fact that Bruce hides things from absolutely everyone (with the possible exception of Alfred, because Bruce trusts him as completely as he is capable of trusting anyone, and also because it’s really hard to hide things from a parent whose involved in every aspect of your life and already knew you before you developed your pathological need to obfuscate your feelings and intentions).

As Wonder Woman pretty aptly describes during the Tower of Babel arc, even Bruce’s closest allies are never going to hear the full story from him. So it’s deeply unlikely he’d ever be 100% truthful with a supervillain, even if they got close AND Jonathan reformed. 

But it’s notable that Jonathan’s fear toxin has actually given him a more honest look into Bruce’s psyche than he would ever purposefully give to people who aren’t close family members. And by “close family members” I again pretty much just mean Alfred. Unfortunately for Bruce, nothing forces emotional transparency like mind altering drugs. Fortunately for Jonathan, nothing forces emotional transparency like mind altering drugs! Not that I’m recommending that anyone drug a romantic partner into being honest with them. But Jonathan is a trained psychiatrist, so I assume his psychological know-how combined with insights gleaned from the dozens of “sessions” he’s had with Batman in the past would leave him more prepared than most to decipher the mystery that is Bruce Wayne. (@heroes-etc: riddler is SEETHING.)

Jonathan meanwhile is more than capable of putting together a clandestine scheme, but in respect to himself he’s actually pretty straightforward. Though his driving motivation in this continuity gets more and more complicated over time, from the early 90’s “I just like fear” to the early 2000’s “my Granny tortured me with birds when I was a child and now I’m obsessed with inspiring the same fear and submission she forced on me onto others,” what doesn’t change is his willingness to monologue about it to anyone who’s listening.

Also, anything that Jonathan is unable or unwilling to go into detail on, Bruce is more than capable of puzzling out himself. In Scarecrow: Year One he successfully tracks down Jonathan’s old home to recover and read through Granny Keeney’s diary, and after Scarecrow’s Master of Fear origin was published, it’s clear that Bruce has done his research on Jonathan’s childhood. There’s even a (presumably unintentionally) hilarious scene where Bruce pauses mid-rescue of a man that Jonathan has kidnapped and traumatized with fear toxin to lecture him on having bullied Jon in high school.

Is this really the time, Bruce???

(@heroes-etc: oh 100% he nailed that timing.)

13. When do they realise they should get together?

Well, circling back to Tower of Babel, it’s revealed when Ra’s al Ghul has Talia steal Bruce’s contingency plans for defeating the Justice League that Bruce has “borrowed” Scarecrow’s fear toxin in case he has to take down Aquaman.

This was back when Scarecrow had a number of different toxins that induced different phobias, or made people hallucinate hyper-specific nightmare scenarios (such as “being eaten alive by roaches from the inside,” for some terrible reason). Batman notes in his contingency files that Scarecrow has already done the work for him; presumably Jonathan had already designed a formula to induce hydrophobia, so all Bruce had to do was steal a vial of it from a crime scene.

(The sentence “Why not make him incapacitate himself... perhaps through fear?” alone is like 90% of why I think these men would get along like burlap on fire if they ever actually cooperated on something. Also, unrelated, but the polaroid of Jonathan he has in the Aquaman file is weirdly adorable.)

Bruce’s plan for Arthur is incredibly effective, and notably also Bruce’s only contingency that isn’t either inherently lethal or a ruthlessly sociopathic betrayal of emotional vulnerabilities that had been revealed to him in trust and friendship (RIP Kyle Rayner).

(Notably, Bruce’s plans for Kyle and several other leaguers directly involve using their worst fears against them, even without a fear toxin conveniently tailored for this purpose. Bruce just really likes using fear as a weapon against people.)

After Tower of Babel, Bruce obviously needed to create new contingencies, since the whole point is that they were secret plans that no one could see coming. In canon, Bruce goes on to create the A.I. satellite Brother Eye for this purpose (which backfires even worse than his first set of contingency plans, because of course it does). But I think an interesting alternative could have been Bruce tapping Jonathan for more toxin strands tailored to taking down the Justice League. If Bruce Wayne offered to pay Scarecrow’s way out of Arkham in order to develop formulas that could neutralize the world’s most powerful superheroes, is there any way that Jonathan would turn him down? I mean, obviously he would plan on betraying Wayne at some point, and Bruce would similarly be working against Jonathan’s best interests. But maybe if they set aside their “who’s scarier” dick measuring contest to work together for once, they could come to recognize their shared passion: scaring the shit of people.

Also, the Jonathan in this continuity really likes books. And you know what’s a reliably sustainable source of books that can’t be confiscated by the authorities? Dating Bruce Wayne. The manor alone probably has an insane amount of rare books that have been hoarded by his family over the years. It’s like a weird reversal of the Beauty and the Beast, where the rude rich guy who gives a library to the love interest he may or may not have technically kidnapped is the pretty one.

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another?

If they were dating, I’m guessing Jonathan wouldn’t want to go anywhere in public with Bruce at all. Bruce Wayne is a celebrity bachelor, and celebrity bachelors get a lot of attention, and people who take celebrity bachelors off the market get a lot of NEGATIVE attention. The public reaction to Bruce settling into a committed relationship with anyone would be the kind of weirdly resentful gossipy judgement that the girlfriends of famous princes or actors or musicians always get from tabloids and entertainment television, but in Jonathan’s case it would be a million times worse. Not just because he’s a supervillain, because if there’s any town that would expect its most eligible bachelor to eventually date a supervillain, it’s Gotham. But more specifically because “ugly social outcast” is one of Scarecrow’s most enduring character traits. Not exactly the traditional trophy wife. And though Jonathan’s Scarecrow identity seems to distance him from a lot of the shame he suffered growing up, I’m guessing that the kind of spiteful vitriol that would follow him anywhere he accompanied Bruce would at the least bring back some very unwanted memories.

Bruce probably doesn’t have the same discomfort Jonathan would with being seen together in public. He doesn’t care if people think Bruce Wayne is insane or lacking in judgement as long as they don’t think he’s Batman, and I’m sure he’d find a way to spin “dating a man who prefers to dress exclusively in burlap” into something appropriately characteristic of playboy idiocy. But while he'd definitely respect Jonathan's wishes to stay out of the public sphere, he would probably enjoy any opportunity to bring Scarecrow into Gotham high society, since his presence would definitely shake up a party, and Bruce is generally extremely bored at any social event where he doesn’t have anyone to snark with. And with Jonathan’s scathing wit as entertainment, Bruce might one day fulfill Alfred’s wish and actually make it through an intermission sometime.

I’d say that Bruce would be nervous about taking Jonathan out for “field research,” but I’m sure it would be one of Scarecrow’s requirements for any long term collaboration, so it’s something that he would have to get used to pretty quickly. He would probably endeavor to keep Jonathan away from anything that could retrigger his less healthy behaviors. On the other hand, it’s not like Bruce does that for himself, so it stands to reason that he probably wouldn’t be able to successfully control Jonathan in that regard either. 

It doesn’t help that one of Jonathan’s primary motivations in villainy is his childhood, which is... exactly the same thing that Bruce is fixated on. A significant portion of Scarecrow: Year One is the two of them waxing poetic about how similar they are in this regard. 

Relating to this, even though it might be a terrible idea, I don’t think Bruce would be able to resist encouraging Jonathan to reconnect with his mom. Bruce would never recommend for someone like Cassandra to seek out a relationship with her father, but if someone he cares about has a LIVING parent who WASN’T abusive to them? It seems unlikely that Bruce wouldn’t advocate for reconciliation. Jonathan’s dad obviously never cared about the teenage girl he knocked up or their bastard child, but Karen Keeney is a different story. DC Holiday Special ‘09 makes it clear that Jonathan was taken away from her against her will, and she’s spent a significant portion of her life wracked by guilt imagining what the woman who abused her was doing to her son.  

Ultimately she attempts to commit suicide because she feels personally responsible for every terrible thing her son has ever done, which is tragic because really she’s the only member of the Keeney family completely blameless in the creation of the Scarecrow. In Scarecrow: Year One Jonathan clearly resents her for leaving him and moving on to have another baby that she actually did keep, which I would call a really paranoid case of jumping to conclusions if it didn’t seem extremely likely that Granny Keeney told him his mother didn’t want him and left him to be tortured on purpose.

(Side note, it is REALLY weird how young Karen Keeney is depicted in Scarecrow: Year One. At times her son looks older than she is, and it doesn’t help that her second born child is an infant for some reason. Even if Jonathan is only thirty years old here, then unless she had him at younger than fourteen, she should already be in her mid-forties. Why did she only have a second child so late in life? The implication with her abusive husband is that she ended up getting trapped in a bad relationship for survival when her family kicked her out as a teenager for disgracing the family by having Jonathan. It would make way more sense for her child with him to be at least in elementary school. Also the scene would have been way more interesting if Scarecrow’s sister was old enough to talk.)

Thankfully Deadman manages to convince Karen to hold on to life long enough for someone to call 911, and she ends up surviving the suicide attempt. But were Jonathan ever to reform, it seems like reconciliation would be really healthy for both of them, since miraculously Karen still seems to care about Jonathan despite everything he’s put her through, and they’re both clearly still suffering from the after effects of Mary Keeney’s abuse. 

Bruce would be enthusiastic about this prospect for obvious reasons, although he would presumably still be nervous about the possibility of everything going terribly wrong. And even if everything went perfectly right, he would STILL be nervous, because everytime Jonathan goes to see his mother there’s a chance that she will mention the time that she kissed Batman full on the mouth. And that is not information you would ever want your psychologist boyfriend to know, unless you want to be mocked with Freudian buzzwords for the rest of your natural life. 

(...This would also count as a thing that Bruce hides from Jonathan.)

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Courting Doc Scurlock

(My bad gif)(Requested by @that80sslytherin )

(Why is everyone in this movie so damn attractive. Even the dirty rat boy is hot.)

- If the story ain’t broke then why fix it? You first meet Doc during the towns New Years Eve party. You’d been standing off to the side with your friends when he first laid eyes on you, or rather on what he thought was the closest thing to an  earthbound angel that he’d ever seen. 

- He immediately decided that he needed to get to know you so he walked over, introduced himself and asked your friends if he could steal you away for a dance. 

- Doc gets kind of awkward when hes in the presence of a pretty girl. He stumbles over his words, blurts things out, laughs nervously; for a rough and tough cowboy he’s pretty adorable.

- While you dance he tries to make conversation, asking you questions and complimenting you. He recites some poetry and confesses that he’s a poet himself both in an attempt to impress you and because he can’t resist doing so when there’s something so breathtaking in front of him.

- All it took was one dance and you were hooked. How could you not be?

- When you finished your dance (or several dances), he kissed your hand and said that he’d like to speak with you again. You told him where to reach you and made your way back to your giggling friends, leaving him smiling and lovestruck.

- For the next few weeks he sends you letters full of poetry and pressed flowers. Every letter you send back makes him fall deeper in love with you. He reads them over and over, savoring every curve of your writing and the scent of your perfume on the pages.

- He’s definitely snuck into your room late at night so that he could see and talk to you. A lot of the time he’s working during the day so you don’t have a lot of time to see each other.

- Whenever he can get away from the ranch he comes to visit you and takes you on walks, horse rides, whatever he can think of that you’d like. It isn’t long before everyone in town knows that you’re his sweetheart.

- It’s the Old West so it probably isn’t long before he attempts to convince your father to give him his blessing to marry you. It was custom back then, nearly everyone married quickly.

- Regardless of that, your first kiss happened a little ways into your relationship. The two of you had rode your horses out of town together and were resting on a rock, enjoying each other’s company on one of your many dates.

- The sun had begun to set so the two of you were getting ready to head back into town. That was when he turned you around, moved his hands to your face and slowly leaned in, connecting your lips.

- Who knew that one kiss would lead to a lifelong addiction to each other.

- The two of you are inseparable and that’s just a fact. There’s no way a man that falls so deeply in love with a woman so quickly could not want to be by her side 24/7.

- Whenever the gangs together somewhere he’s always seen sitting down so you probably do a lot of sitting in his lap.

- All the regulators are touch starved and I refuse to believe anything else. So on that note~ Doc adores having you close to him and showing him affection.

- He melts when you touch his hair. You can literally see the love for you in his eyes whenever you do.

- Hairline and forehead kisses.

- Helping take care of his hand injury.

- Soft caresses.

- Soooo many compliments and sweet affirmations.

- Docs a poet. He’ll recite and write poetry for you (Some may not actually be his writing but you don’t have to know that).

- Your home has at least one bouquet of flowers in it at any given moment because he’s always picking them for you. Little by little the beautiful things invade your life.

- Every night he holds you close to him, your head resting on his chest as you fall asleep listening to his heartbeat. He’ll hold your hand and wrap his other arm around you while you curl into his side.

- He glances over at you with a smile on his face as he gets ready for work in the morning. He always kisses your temple before he goes.

- Slow kisses. He likes to press his forehead against yours when the two of you part.

- Going to town socials together and dancing the night away.

- The regulators have and will continue to tease him about the way he is with you. He just calls them jealous and says that once they find themselves a woman like you they’ll understand.

- Doc isn’t a particularly jealous guy unless he has a reason to be. Even so, whenever he does get jealous he never blames you. It will always be the guy he’s jealous of’s fault because he trusts you. In his eyes the two of you are made for each other, you’d have no reason to (purposefully) flirt with another man.

- When he’s jealous, he has no problem interrupting whoever is bothering him and taking you away from the situation. He’ll usually give you a hard kiss after you’ve left to calm himself down.

- Riding on the back of his horse. He loves feeling your arms wrapped around him and turning back to see the smile on your face.

- Going for long walks together, often they’re very scenic and away from town so you aren’t bothered by anyone.

- He always likes keeping you close when you’re out together. He’ll keep a protective arm wrapped around your back or his hand in yours.

- I have a feeling Doc would like going to the theater whenever he could so the two of you have been to quite a few shows together over the years.

- Speaking of theater~ I can see the two of you taking turns acting out parts of Shakespeare plays in your living room or bedroom. He’d take the male roles and you’d take the female ones, or sometimes if you wanted to have a laugh you’d switch.

- Need something to help you relax? How about a hot bath and a handsome man sitting on the edge of your tub?

- He loves being able to come home from work everyday and be greeted by your sweet face.

- None of the regulators are going to pass up a massage from a pretty girl, that’s all I’m gonna say about that. (I lied. They also wouldn’t pass up giving one either because well that’s pretty erotic for ye olden days)

- He uses quite a few nicknames and terms of endearment for you. Things like: my love, darlin, and my flower just to name a few.

- He’ll read the newspaper to you or a chapter of a book while you’re sitting together eating breakfast.

- Doc is pretty progressive compared to most men living in the same era as him. He loves you no matter where you came from or what you’ve done in the past and he’ll treat you with the respect you deserve.

- He used to have a pretty bad life so he’s glad to make new memories with you.

- Assuring him that he isn’t a bad person for his actions.

- If you want Doc you’re gonna have to deal with quite a few scary situations no matter how much he tries to keep you away from them. You’ll definitely be shot at at least once.

- Get used to seeing blood because this man always manages to be sprayed with it or get some on him in some way.

- He tries his best to deescalate situations and break the tense atmosphere thats in the room. He’s usually pretty good at calming you down whenever something ticks you off.

- Tries to lighten the mood and make you feel more comfortable. He never wants you to be wary around him.

“You have a big gun.” “It’s a big town.”

- He always reassures you when you’re feeling insecure.

- It breaks his heart to see you upset especially if he’s the one who (accidentally) caused it.

- Fights rarely ever happen in your relationship but whenever they do they never last very long. It takes a whole of two-five minutes for your issues to be resolved. There’s usually a quick burst of anger followed by a feeling of guilt.

- Although rare, whenever he snaps at you he feels bad almost immediately after and is quick to apologize. You may be a bit more stubborn than he is but you have to admit that it’s hard to stay mad at him.

- He always knows just what to say and it’s always the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard.

“Necessary is something you can’t do without and I can’t do without you.”

- Docs incredibly protective of you especially after everything that’s happened in his life. You’re the only thing he truly loves and can call his own. He doesn’t even want to think about you getting hurt.

- He’s more than ready to kill for you. God forbid somebody put you in danger or tried to do something to you, he’d be blown away in half a second.

- You ever wanted to be rescued and taken away from somewhere? Well you’ve found a man whose more than willing to be your knight in shining armor. All you have to do is ask and you’ll be towns away by nightfall.

- Every woman in town/that you know wants to have/find a relationship like yours.

- Being around each other never gets old. You could be married for years and he’d still look at you like it’s the day he first met you.

- God is he in love with you. Never in your life have you ever felt so cared about and adored. Everything he does and says shows you just how much he’s hopelessly devoted to you. You couldn’t have asked for a better man.

[asteroiideae]

okay, so I don’t make these kinds of posts often because tbh I’m a little lazy and very tired like 24/7 lmao but I’ve been seeing a lot of Pride reading lists hit my dash (and they’re excellent, and I save them all!) buuuut reading books is still a roadblock I’m struggling to mentally overcome -- and audiobooks are great, but they take 84 years (sometimes literally???) to get through. so! I thought I’d share a (very tiny) list of the queer manga I’ve read this year that you might enjoy for Pride, with some descriptions/trigger warnings/thoughts to go with them. so here we go in no particular order other than where they sit on my bookshelf:

What Did You Eat Yesterday? by Fumi Yoshinaga

okay so I know I go on about this manga at literally every presented opportunity, but I honestly just can’t help myself??? as a thirty-something queer adult, I really love the quiet maturity of this relationship between Shiro and Kenji; especially when it’s highlighted by references to shenanigans of their youth, and the ways in which they are still growing as both individuals and a couple. I’ve only read the first six volumes but I’m OBSESSED.

Status: Ongoing (17 volumes; 15 translated) Summary: Shiro and Kenji are an established adult couple with separate careers and interests, whose relationship is depicted over the meals cooked for them by Shiro. This doesn’t have an overarching plot, which might be off-putting for some readers; each chapter can be compared to a fanfic one-shot, usually containing it’s own tiny storyline or theme. It’s literally just domestic moments and meals shared between these men. Warnings: While I didn’t personally have a problem with this, younger readers might find some of the dated terms offensive. If you’ve spent any time with older queer folks (older as in 45-50+) this won’t be anything you aren’t used to, but if your experience of queer folx skews younger or online, you might get taken by surprise. There’s also some internalized homophobia; and by some I mean quite a bit. Shiro’s personal arc (at least in the first six volumes) heavily revolves around how much he closets himself and tries desperately to pass as “normal” in Japanese business culture.

Boys Run The Riot by Keito Gaku

holy shit holy shit holy SHIT. this story is so good??? so VERY good??? I was a little cautious, and a little bit uninterested in a story about teens (only because I’m in my thirties and crave more adult representation,) but I was VERY WRONG to be. Boys Run The Riot is beautifully drawn, beautifully written, and probably my favorite work on this list. the mangaka is also trans so the inherent understanding and nuance of our protagonist’s experience is really lovely. Also featuring a fantastic brotp between a trans boy and his new himbo bestie; no seriously if you want a story about a trans boy getting to have good broships with other boys his own age I CANNOT stress this enough. Volume two is releasing next month; I have it preordered. I’m laying on my floor wishing for time to hurry the fuck up. I need more of this smol angry trans boy and his big soft himbo bff. PLS. Status: Ongoing (4 volumes published; 2 translated) Summary: Ryo Watari is a second year high school student who is trans and struggling to feel comfortable with his very rigidly structured life at school, at home, and among his friends (to whom he is not out.) By chance he meets Jin Sato, a cis boy who also feels outcast (often judged for his appearance without any deeper thought.) When Ryo comes out to Jin in a state of frustration, Jin accepts who Ryo is and makes an offer -- why not start a fashion line that subverts all the expectations that have been put on them both; why not express themselves even when they’ve been told they shouldn’t. Warnings: Ryo is struggling with gender dysphoria, and it is written by someone who has probably experienced it, so it might be a little real for any trans folks who deal with that. Also, while neither the narrative nor Jin misgender Ryo (at least, not once he expresses to Jin that he is a man), Ryo is not out to anyone else and so he frequently is misgendered at school and we see how badly that impacts him and the way he views himself and processes his emotions. Ryo spends a lot of time being angry and trying to swallow it down, and that can be very raw to witness at times. There is also a depiction of unsafe binding (though the mangaka has an immediate note about binding safety, and goes further in-depth at the back of the manga.)

Our Dining Table by Mita Ori

okay, so I was a bit on the fence about whether or not I wanted to include this as a rec, but I decided that it might actually been what someone wants or needs, so here it is! while I really enjoyed this concept, and I’m always a sucker for found family stories (let me tell you I’m queer without telling you I’m queer, much?) it feels like this story is a bit rushed at times, and the romantic relationship between our protagonists is very blink and you’ll miss it. I don’t even want to call it subtle so much as it is just not remotely the focus of the story so it’s a little startling when it happens. but! if you’re looking for a story about adults processing grief and trauma together, and learning how to care for another person (and as a result, learning how to care for themselves,) this is a nice read that isn’t too heavy!  Status: Complete (one volume) Summary: Yutaka is a salaryman whose past experiences prevent him from reaching out to others, even through something so simple as sharing a meal. Despite this is REALLY loves to cook, and wishes he had a reason to do it more often. Then he meets Minoru, and his muuuuuch younger brother Tane (it’s like a 17 year age gap between the brothers?) and finds himself teaching them how to cook, and overcoming his fear of eating in front of others. Warnings: Good news, there’s no overt homophobia in this story! Bad news, the other trauma makes up for it! We have a lot of trauma surrounding parental death, childhood bullying, and adoption; in addition to an actual fear of eating in front of others.

Our Dreams at Dusk / Shimanami Tasogare by Yuhki Kamatani

this is the first manga series I collected, and I’m still very pleased about that. the art is ABSOLUTELY stunning? the use of visual imagery and surreal analogies to explain queerness is fucking on POINT. I cried so hard during a couple of these volumes I developed a migraine. I only have one piece of critique on the whole thing (addressed in the warnings,) and I intend to do another re-read when I’m ready for the catharsis of sobbing into my pillow again. Like Boys Run The Riot, Our Dreams at Dusk is drawn and written by a member of the queer community (a non-binary mangaka, this time,) and as a result it hits pretty fucking close to home in a lot of ways. while I really love this series it’s super not for the faint of heart, you WILL come out of this reading experience with some things to unpack. Status: Completed (4 volumes; 4 translated) Summary: We mostly follow Tasuku Kaname, as he is outted at school by a classmate as being homosexual, and his initial despair and subsequent journey of acceptance. In this process, Tasuku finds himself at a drop-in center, which seems to primarily function as a safe space for queer people; we meet several lesbians, an elderly gay man, a trans character, and a young character who isn’t ready for any kind of label because they are still ??? about themselves and their identity. Each of these “secondary” characters is given room to breathe and to work through difficulties of their own while Tasuku watches and learns that even though life is hard sometimes, there’s beauty to be found in one’s own strength. Warnings: hoooo boy; well there’s all kinds of homophobia and transphobia; a character is outted against their will (multiple times), there’s some really insidious transphobia covered by “concern”, there’s internalized homophobia everywhere, and a very complicated asexual character whose presentation left me (as an ace) with super mixed feelings and a lot of frustration (though I wouldn’t call it bad necessarily; just wanted to put that out there for my fellow asexual folks.) If you have read (or go on to read!) any of these, please let me know! I’d love to chat about the stories, and hear your thoughts on them -- because we’re a broad/diverse community and our own experiences shape us differently and give us different insights. <3 ANYWAY, for those of you who read this monstrous self-indulgent post, thank you! Feel free to add any queer manga you’ve been reading below - I’m always on the hunt for more recs!

[shyneanon]

And the fic I started about a week ago with a MF one-shot continues! It’s now called The Boss’s Daughter and it’s up on AO3. 

I’ll continue to post it here but you can go to AO3 to subscribe or kudos or comment or whatever you’d like. It also just might be easier for people to read the whole thing there, since these chapters are long and the whole work will be in one place. Anyway, enjoy!

---

Your father was an unforgiving man.

As kind as he was to you and your mother, when he went to work, he became a different person. He did not tolerate failure, he did not tolerate deceit, and he did not tolerate disrespect. It was no wonder that he had become one of the richest and most powerful mob bosses in the city. People feared him.

And thus, they feared you.

He called you Princess for a reason. You were very much his princess. And there was no mobster in the city who didn’t know the consequences of making a wrong move around you. If he saw a man as a threat against his daughter-- whether physically, emotionally, or otherwise-- that man was as good as dead. And your father’s definition of a threat was a bit loose. He was a very jealous man. Every gangster knew that.

Well, Sans hadn’t, until Papyrus had gone on a tirade about it at him.

Truth be told, it hadn’t really scared Sans much at all. It was difficult to scare him-- though whether that was because he was tough or stupid, he wasn’t sure. Though it did make him view your encounter through a new lens. When he’d spoken with you, he’d had no idea you were such… forbidden fruit.

Unfortunately for Papyrus, whose… suggestion… was reasonable, telling Sans that you were a literal danger to him had only made you more desirable to him. It was that thrill that causes even the best of people to date partners who are bad for them: The feeling of playing with fire, of doing something despite knowing it was bad for you. You were so pretty, and you had been so much fun, but if he’d known all of this before, the spark of electricity he’d felt at being close to you would’ve felt like a thousand-volt shock. To think that he had held someone virtually unattainable-- had gone so far as to kiss your neck and the corner of your lips-- and come out of it alive?

Hell, now he just wanted to do it again.

Since he had nothing better to do with his time (well, he did, he just liked not doing what he was supposed to be doing), he’d eventually asked some of his men how much anyone even knew about you, if you were so heavily protected. Surprisingly, quite a bit, because your father liked to talk about you a lot. According to him, you were very intelligent. That didn’t surprise Sans at all, it had been pretty obvious. Well, sort of. It had been this look behind your eyes. Like you were always observing things, assessing them. No doubt you were unused to being hit on and yet you had remained cool and collected.

Heh. Maybe you’d make for a good mob boss yourself.

Your father even claimed that you helped with the business sometimes. The record-keeping and number-crunching, anyway. He didn’t like telling you exactly what your beloved daddy was doing during business hours.

It was funny how many small details had stuck with Sans’ men (and probably many others). You were just such an enigma that any information your father threw out was like a piece of a very large puzzle. You liked dancing, although you’d never actually been out dancing before. Papa was too worried about boys hitting on you. You did go out sometimes, with some friend of yours, but only during the day, and only to high-end spaces where the chances of a guy trying to put moves on you were low. An odd detail: You liked little chocolates, particularly the ones with cherry filling. Sans could vividly picture you gently biting into one, the filling as red as those soft lips. Dangerous lips that spelled death for anyone who dared to come near them.

You were just so off-limits that all you did was rile Sans up when he thought about you.

His mind raced with What ifs. What if he had just taken the opportunity to kiss you right there? What if you had agreed to his offer to show you how he could get around without being seen? What if he had been able to bring you somewhere private… and take away that innocence your father had worked so painstakingly hard to preserve?

Heheh. You would’ve been calling out “Daddy,” but you wouldn’t have meant--

“I heard that guy Acerbi is after her.”

“Acerbi? Don Acerbi?”

“No, you idiot, his son.”

Sans was snapped out of his incredibly racy daydream. “Huh? Who?”

Vinnie answered his question. “Adolfo Acerbi, Boss. The Acerbi family’s territory is right around--”

“I don’t care about that, whaddaya mean he’s after her?”

Don answered that. “Y’know, he wants to marry her. She’s an only child, so if he married ‘er, once her dad croaked he’d end up being the heir to their whole business.”

“Fuck, you serious?”

“Yeah. And for now it’d unite the families ‘n such. All that mafia stuff.”

Sans felt a surge of jealousy, even though he knew it was unwarranted. You didn’t belong to him-- well, you didn’t belong to anyone, you were your own person, even if your father wanted you to be his. Still, Sans wasn’t your boyfriend, he had no real right to feel jealous over you. Especially not the level of jealousy he was feeling right now.

But the objective truth couldn’t change the way he felt.

“Hey, Boss,” said Vinnie. “Didn’tcha say you were gonna talk with someone today?”

He was startled out of his thoughts again and checked his watch. “Oh, shit.” He got up. At least he wouldn’t be late. “Thanks, Vinnie.”

“Oh, uh, no problem, Boss.”

--

“Was he nice?” asked Mindy.

“Of course,” you told her. “He was in front of my dad.”

The two of you were sitting in a small but very expensive cafe and deli, immaculately clean and filled with people in nice dress. It was always nice to be with her, for a multitude of reasons. Firstly, she was your friend. You simply enjoyed her company.

Secondly, the cat monster was your window to the outside world.

While she was wealthy-- most monsters were after having left the Underground-- Mindy didn’t know where your father actually got his money. She was a civilian. Unlike you, she’d gone to college, and she’d been on dates with lots of boys. Ironically, despite being a monster, she knew a certain kind of freedom you’d never known. Mindy actually got around quite a bit, though you didn’t mind that. It was part of what made her interesting. She was wild, so she had a lot of fun stories.

At the moment, though, you were the one telling her a story, about the “nice young man” you’d met at the party. Adolfo Acerbi. Italian, obviously. Your parents had taken quite a liking to him, and you could understand why: He seemed well-educated, he was polite, and he had only said the sweetest of things to you.

You hated him already.

It was all fake. You could tell. He did a good job of hiding it from your parents but it was fairly obvious to you what was going on. You had no brothers. If he could just weasel his way into your father’s favor and wed you, then he could sit atop an empire made of two families’ blood, greed and arrogance. And you would be stuck right there with him. It was a no from you, but unlike Mindy, you didn’t really have any say in the matter. Mafia princesses were called princesses for a reason.

But you couldn’t tell Mindy all of that. She didn’t know where your family got their money. So all you said was, “He just wants my dad’s money.”

“Aw, honey, maybe you’re just being paranoid.” Mindy smiled at you. “Love exists, you know.”

You snorted. “I know that. It’s just… he’s sweet, but… too sweet? Too romantic.”

“Mmm, like he rehearsed it or something?”

“Yeah.”

“Ugh, those boys are the worst.” She shrugged. “Oh well. You don’t have to date him if you don’t want to.”

If only.

You considered telling her about the encounter with Sans and Papyrus-- she’d be bound to find it entertaining-- but you had the feeling that if you did she would just keep teasing you about Sans. Besides, she didn’t need to know anything about mobsters who didn’t really have anything to do with you. Your father didn’t do business with the skeleton brothers, as far as you knew, and chances were you would never speak with them again. Sans wasn’t worth mentioning.

But fate is a cruel mistress, and no sooner had you dismissed any thoughts of Sans than a large shape emerged in your periphery. Near the doorway. The shape was unmistakable.

Sans had been fun. Too fun. As much as you wanted someone in the underbelly of society to make you smile, you didn’t need it. If you had fun, you would forget just how bad your world was, and you would quit wanting to leave. You didn’t need to speak to him any more.

“What are you doing?” asked Mindy.

You realized you had ducked down and held up your menu in hopes of hiding your face. You wanted to relax, but you really didn’t need to talk to him anymore. “Nothing,” you said, though you knew she wouldn’t believe you.

“Oh my God, is it him?” She started to look around unabashedly.

“N-- no, it’s not Acerbi.”

“Not Acerbi-- Wait, is there somebody else? Is that why you don’t like Acerbi?” Her lips curled into a mischievous smile. “Oooooh, there’s a boy you haven’t told me about.”

“No, it’s not like that!” you said. But you couldn’t explain, it had everything to do with your world, and she couldn’t know about your world.

“Oh my, are you blushing?”

“What? No.” Your face didn’t even feel warm.

“Don’t lie to me, I can see it. Your face is so red.”

Well, now your face was warm. Mindy beamed. Thanks a lot, Mindy.

“Hey there, dollface. Fancy seein’ you here.”

… Fuck.

You lowered the menu. You didn’t have to look for him; Sans’ shape on your left blocked out everything else nearby. You tried to ignore the burning on your face and smiled politely. “Hello, Mr. Sans.”

“Hey, sweetheart, I toldja last night, ya can call me Sans.”

You saw Mindy’s eyes widen. Last night, no she’s getting the wrong impression, no no Mindy it’s not like that I didn’t have sex with him I didn’t I don’t even know how we would do that I just met him at a party--

You forced your mind to stop racing. “Right. Sans. Is there anything you need?”

“Just to talk to you, doll.” He winked. His smile was so genuine, so goofy despite the sharp teeth. You felt the corners of your mouth turning up and bit the insides of your cheeks to keep yourself from smiling any more. You’re just making this worse, jackass….

His voice lowered:

“What’s with the red face? Happy to see me?”

You tried to ignore your face getting hotter. “M… My friend here was embarrassing me about something.” Good, a distraction. You gestured to Mindy. “Um, Sans, this is my good friend Mindy. Mindy, this is Sans, my… um…”

Sans raised a brow. “Aww. Tellin’ me we ain’t friends?”

Oh my God, did he learn anything from last night?

“... friend,” you finished. “My friend, Sans.”

Mindy wasn’t buying it even though it was the truth. “Oh, of course. Your friend.” She wiggled her eyebrows. Still, she gave Sans a friendly smile. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, sweetheart.” His grin widened. “You look like the cat’s pajamas.” A wink. “Absolutely purrfect.”

Before you could stop yourself, you snorted, which only made Sans look more enthusiastic. You tried to hide your face again.

Mindy raised her eyebrows at him. “Oh my, aren’t you a charmer?”

He tipped the brim of his hat. “Sure, to the women I want.” His eyelights looked over at you and he winked.

You glared at him, openly this time. You are such a moron. You could literally die. For doing this. You couldn’t defend him forever.

His smile became slightly nervous. Finally, he was getting the message. Why did he have to be so thick? And funny?

“So,” said Mindy, “why are you here? You’re not stalking my friend, are you? Stalking isn’t romantic, you know.”

He chuckled. “Nah. I can’t actually talk fer too long, I’m here tah meet a, uh… business associate.”

Mindy smiled incredulously. “Business associate? What are you, part of the mob?”

You forced yourself to snicker at that, as if the idea was ridiculous. Sans blinked, looking mildly surprised-- he’d probably expected Mindy to know. Thankfully, he recovered quickly. “I wish. It’d be more exciting.” He turned back to you. “I also wanted to give you an offer.”

He nodded in the direction of the doorway and you squinted at him. You weren’t going to leave with him. Was he that stupid?

“I jus’ wanna talk over there.”

You raised an eyebrow, and felt your thumb fiddling with your menu. You didn’t need to speak with him… but you were curious. So you got up and followed him, still inside, by the door.

He dug around in his pocket. “Last night was nice.”

“Which part?” you asked coldly.

“All of it, babe, yer fun to talk to.” He pulled out his wallet and started going through it. “I was thinkin’ I’d like to talk to ya again, if ya ever want.”

He found what he was looking for and held up what was clearly a fake business card for whatever civilian job he claimed to have. He held it out to you.

“If ya ever need anythin’... like, y’know, company… jus’ give me or Paps a call, huh?” He shrugged. “Well, maybe not Paps. But me.” He flashed those shark-like teeth at you.

You just stared. What on Earth was his problem? He could easily go flirt with someone whose father wouldn’t have him shot for it.

“C’mon, babe, you were fun. I don’t meet a lotta fun people.” He held it out further. “Please?”

His pleading smile was seemed so genuine.

Whatever. You smiled politely, taking the card. “Thanks. I’ll keep your offer in mind.”

Judging from the look on his face, he could tell you didn’t mean it. He seemed… disappointed.

You felt disappointed too. Good.

He tipped the brim of his hat again. “Anyway, I’ll let you two ladies keep talking. It was nice seein’ you again.”

“Nice seeing you,” you said.

When you made your way back to the table and sat down, Mindy folded her arms. “So. Mister Sans, huh?”

“It’s not like that,” you said.

“‘Sure, to the women I want,’” she said, doing her best impression of Sans’ deep, smooth voice. She then raised her eyebrows at you as if daring you to offer an explanation.

“We met at the same party where I met Adolfo,” you said. “He flirted with me, and I turned him down.” You left out the part where you let him hold you and… kiss you. The spot at the corner of your lip that he’d kissed suddenly felt tingly. It had probably been the most rebellious thing you’d ever done, despite how much you hated the lifestyle you’d been born into.

“You what?” Mindy said, almost slamming her hands down on the table in outrage. “Why?”

“Because I don’t like him. He’s probably the dumbest person I’ve ever met.”

“Ouch,” she said. “Harsh.”  She sighed in mock disappointment. “What a shame. His name is so short. Easy to moan.”

You felt a mixture of embarrassment and amusement. “Why don’t you just go sleep with him if you find him so appealing?”

“Nuh-uh. I smell a budding romance.” She made a sweeping gesture with her hand. “An intelligent girl, wooed by an unlikely man. I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

“That will never happen in a million--”

“Ooh, ooh, before I forget to tell you! Next weekend this… club I know…” She gave you a wink. You knew what that meant-- a speakeasy. “... is having a swing night. You told me you’ve never gone dancing before. We should go!”

You felt your heart sink, the previous conversation instantly forgotten. You shook your head. “My parents wouldn’t let me.” Too many boys.

“Then sneak out. Easy fix.”

“N… No.”

She sighed in exasperation. “Just ask, OK? Please?”

You nodded. “... OK.”

“Thank you.” She looked at the card in your hand. “What’s that?”

“Oh, just some stupid card he gave me with his number.” You turned it over in your hand.

“Mmmm, his number. You gonna keep it?”

“I already said I don’t like him, why would I keep his number?”

You grabbed your purse. Trying not to make eye contact with Mindy, you tilted the bag towards you so that she wouldn’t see the small pistol inside, and tucked the card into a pocket inside the purse. You tried to seem nonchalant about it, but when you looked at Mindy again she was wearing a massive, smug grin on her face.

“I’m going to throw it away when I get home,” you told her.

“Riiiight.” She took a sip of her water. “Of course.”

“I am,” you insisted. You just didn’t want to toss it anywhere. But you told yourself you were going to throw it away.

You didn’t.

[tansypoisoning]

Tansy’s Spooky Challenge

Because the World is terrifying :D

To celebrate this milestone (1k followers :O) I’m starting a challenge which hopefully will give back to this community in terms of exposure of less known authors (or just authors that aren’t known by my followers) and in creating more stories. I’m so thankful for all the attention I’ve been given, and I hope to give you guys my attention as well.

I love writing challenges because they give authors motivation to write (sometimes even things out of their comfort zone), because they’re a great way for writer’s to promote themselves, and because it’s a great way for the person hosting it to find more stories and authors they could end up being big fans of :D I especially encourage people with less followers, or whose works I haven’t read to participate.

The main objective of this challenge is to write something that has an element of horror in it. It can range from a situation that seemed scary but is okay, to something that is a little eerie, to pure unadulterated terror. As for rules:

You DON’T have to be following me to participate.

You have to enter with a reader insert/OC fic. There doesn’t have to be any smut or shipping, and if there is, the relationship DOESN’T HAVE to be about dark!character or dark!reader.

I’ll read works for any fandom, but the ones I’m most familiar with are Marvel, Overwatch, Snowpiercer, Knives Out, Naruto, Avatar:The Legend of Aang

You can submit drabbles, one-shots, or an entry of a serialized story.

A single prompt CAN be used by more than a single person.

The fanfics can be of any length, but if they’re on the longer side, please try putting a ‘Read More’ in there somewhere to avoid making things difficult for people reading on phones.

Things that are not allowed in terms of content: underage sex, bestiality, graphic child abuse (allusions are ok) I don’t think anyone would submit an entry that I would have reservations reblogging, but if in doubt you can ask me for help. Give warnings for any sensitive topic you bring up.

Tag your fic with “TansySpookyChallenge2020”

Send me an ask or dm telling me you posted it, preferably a dm. Asks can get eaten by the inbox, and tagging doesn’t always work.

Deadline is November 24th. You can DM for extensions

PROMPTS BELOW

Choose one item from each list and work them into a story. I allow and encourage trying to game the system with multiple interpretations of a term, less literal readings, or wordplay.

List 1

Happiness

Jealousy

Nostalgia

Desperation

Fury

Triumph

Sadness

Acceptance

Fervor

Disgust

Awe

Confusion

Hope

Craving

Foreboding

Denial

Loss

Ennui

Adoration

Sympathy

Pain

Betrayal

Commiseration

Anxiety

Rancor

Determination

List 2

Sink or swim

Chokecherry

Crossroads

“Let me see what you have.” “A knife!”

French vanilla

Something forgotten long ago

The shore

The eye of the storm

Bathtub

Corn hell

Down by the river

Baby’s breath

A little fire

An old saloon

Unearthed bones

On the move

Before dawn

Dead men walking

By candlelight

Frankenstein

Prima Donna

A hill about a mile outta town

First dance

Ritual

Underground

A small request

These text prompts can be used however you want: whether you want to have them in your story in their entirety, use bits, write something around them, something inspired by them, or just something you think has a similar feel. Just let me know which you picked.

There is a Corvette parked in front of the building, just by the front door. You approach the vehicle as if compelled by an invisible force and look in through the closed window. There’s none inside, but you see, in the driver's seat, illuminated by the neon lights of the bar, a white cowboy hat with a golden band. This isn’t the first time you see this hat.

The hole is no more than eight feet long and three feet wide. You peer in deeper, but you can’t see the bottom. There’s a soft but grating sound coming from somewhere within, like sharp nails raking against a metal plate. You can’t see the bottom, but you think you can see movement inside.

You abandon the warmth of the laundromat for the biting cold of the outside world. To your right, the road extends for miles and miles into the night, as it does to your left. There’s no place for you to go, but you can’t go back inside.

The light of the neon sign proudly displaying “Rising Sun Motel” shines through your door. You had closed and locked it before taking your shower – you know you had, because you do it in every room you rent. You take a cursory glance of your surroundings. Nothing is out of place or missing. Must be a faulty lock. The night is windy and could have pushed the cheap door open. You go to lock it again, and when you turn around you see that the closet door is slightly ajar.

The land is flat as far as the eye can see and identical houses with identically manicured lawns sprout from it as far as the eye can see. You run up and then down the street (or is it down and then up?) but you can’t seem to find anything else. The people look so friendly when they smile and wave as they pass you by, but you don’t ask them for directions. You look at your phone. You have signal, but all you can get your internet to show you are advertising for washing machines and sites with recipes for awful things preserved in aspic. The date and hour on your home screen keep changing. You’re positive you’ve been in this place for hours, but the sun won’t set.

“B-but… I don’t understand...” “We have checked the security footage three times and found nothing. There are also no signs of forced entries. No fingerprints.” “-My phone! I took pictures, I know I took-!” “We found nothing on your phone, in the SD card, or in the Cloud. There’s nothing.” “That’s impossible!” “We searched as much as we could. I’m sorry, but… are you sure-” “I know what I saw! I know it! Look again!” You aren’t imagining things. It couldn't have been your mind. It couldn't, it couldn’t, it couldn't

What kind of convenience store has taxidermy heads for decoration? You ask yourself as you roam the aisles of the near empty shop. You peek from behind a row of shelves to one side and spot the clerk. He’s old and severe looking, and although his pupils are pointed in your direction, you get the distinct feeling he’s looking right through you. You move your head to the other side of the shelves and spot another one of those fucking deer heads. This one’s large, wet eyes are turned to a fixture in the ceiling, but you would swear it’s watching you.

Rain pelts you as you stand at the dock, waiting. You hope your boat will arrive soon. You look over your shoulder into the mist and see nothing that should give you pause, but your leg still won’t stop shaking. You touch your arm by reflex and wince when you brush your cut. You think your makeshift tourniquet is working, but it looks fragile, like it could get dismantled at any second. In this weather, you’re sure is just a matter of time. You look over your shoulder again. Still nothing, but you fear it won’t last. You hope your boat will arrive soon.

The living room is dark, but you don’t turn on the lights. You are still too close. You move to the kitchen, and there you feel safe enough to reach for the switch. The illuminated room, much larger than it needed to be, is a ghastly land of contrasts. The many counters and their many marble tops are covered in trash. The tile floors, formerly clean enough to eat out of, are now muddied, not a single spot spared. The eyes of the two stoves are covered by pans and pots boiling foul mixtures. Through the window you can see the sprawling lawn and walls of hedges. They will hide you, but for how long? There is something waiting for you in the hallway, something terrible. You have to address it before sunrise, but for now you’ll wait here. The kitchen isn’t half as bad as the rest of the house.

‘The Bystander Effect’ is the term used to describe the phenomenon in which people don’t intervene in emergency situations when in a group, and, the larger the group, the less likely they are to intervene. You know this to be true, even without doing any research, as you hobble your way through the maze of alleyways. Your cries for help had gone unanswered, bouncing off the concrete walls into a multitude of uncaring ears. It’s just how it is in the big city – every man for himself, and the devil take the hindmost. So much for safety in numbers. The truth is, in this city, surrounded by all these people, you’re more alone than you’d ever been.

You take the first step with care, mindful of all the ice. The second is a little clumsier. On the third you almost slip. You skip the fourth and fall on the fifth, rolling down the stairs and landing face first in the snow. You scramble to get back to your feet and run to your car. You have to get home. You lock yourself in and don’t bother with the safety belt. You shove the key in the ignition and turn and turn but nothing happens. Did you leave it in the cold too long, or- There’s no time to think about it. You step out of the car and start running, into the freezing night. You have to get home, you have to get home now.

Cleanup time is always a hassle. You wish you didn’t have to do it, but it wouldn’t be fair to leave the mess all to your partner. You two near the open trunk of the car and load the heavy cargo into it. Your companion seems the most affected by the weight, and you offer an apologetic smile. Fair is fair though; it was your turn to carry the feet end.

Skinny dipping had seemed like a good idea when your friend suggested it earlier, under the sweltering sun. Now, standing in front of the pool in your bathing suit, all by your lonesome, you start to regret having agreed to her scheme. Wasn’t she supposed to have arrived forty minutes ago? She said she’d bring people too, because skinny dipping alone isn’t fun. Well, now you are all alone in the cold, and you suspect that is even less fun. Just as you make up your mind to leave, you see a car through the chain link fence. It pulls up just before the gate and the engine turns off. That must be them.

[atths--twice]

Rumor Has It...

Going through my stories and I don’t think I’ve posted this here before. I honestly was not super aware of how to post stories here for the longest time. Anyway, even if I had, no reason not to post it again, eh? We could always use more fics to read, right? 

This story was written for the summer fanfic exchange last year. The prompt was this: “Something a la Gillovny Cutting Room party era rumors, but MSR.” Now... this was a little tricky, but I got the job done. : ) 

Hope you enjoy. : ) 

The basement in the J. Edgar Hoover building, was always subject to rumor and urban legend. Even when no one worked down there, nor had any desire to, it was still discussed. Boxes, old files, and copy machines were all that occupied the space for years, and yet stories were still told of it.

There were far too many dark corners where a person could meet for a rendezvous with another for there not to be rumors. No one ventured down there too often, so the space was perfect. The whispers that reached the ears of agents becoming a mixture of fact and fiction.

While time had changed some things, it had not changed everything. The copy machines were taken out, files cleared away, and boxes tossed as they became too weak and ripped when relocation was attempted. A small bathroom was added to the space, and a storage area was walled off to better confine, contain, and organize the  files, keeping them out of the open area and behind a locked door where they could no longer be easily rummaged through. People agreed it looked much better, but still it was not an area with heavy foot traffic or spoken of too often.

That is, until the day Fox “Spooky” Mulder took up residence down there. That was when the rumors really began. He was thought to be a crazy alien nut who liked the weird cases. Cases others would not touch. He was hardly seen wandering the halls. Instead, he immersed himself in his ideas and theories.

Fox Mulder was brilliant, and also quite handsome. Some women overlooked his “spookiness” and tried to get his attention. They flirted when they saw him and asked him about the cases he worked on, but none of them stuck around long. His answers were so long winded that those who asked often required a bread crumb trail to find their way back to reality.

No, for the majority of his time in the basement office, Mulder was considered weird and generally avoided by his colleagues who did not wish to be treated to a story about Sasquatch or aliens. The rumors about him were rampant, but for the most part, Mulder was left to his own devices.

That all changed the day he was assigned a new partner, Dana Scully. She was a fairly new agent, a medical doctor recruited to join the FBI as a forensic pathologist. Dana Scully had arrived with rumors of her own.

“Do you really think that’s her natural hair color?”

“Did you hear she dated Jack Willis? He’s so much older than her. I guess he likes them young.”

Perhaps one of the worst rumors, especially considering she did date Jack, was the name she acquired at the academy: The Ice Queen. She was rumored to turn down men and not “put out,”even after being wined and dined. She was also rumored to be a ball buster who was frigid because she did not date fellow agents. As if her dating life was a measure of who she was as a person.

Women who tried to get Mulder’s attention before Scully showed up, were envious and rude towards her, leaving her disinterested in forming relationships, even with colleagues her same age who had similar backgrounds. This only served to perpetuate the rumors circulated, but Scully did not let the rumors affect her, knowing it would make no difference if she tried to quell them or not. She was not one who required many friends, and she enjoyed her work. She kept her head down and worked, not worrying over relationships, hers or anyone else’s.

Not until early on a Tuesday morning, when a wild rumor flew resulting in them being called to Skinner’s office to answer some questions, did she give it much thought.

Sitting outside his office, waiting for Mulder to arrive, Scully clasped and unclasped her hands, breathing deeply. Closing her eyes, she put her head down, the call to come to Skinner’s office still ringing in her ear, his shout like an echo.

“Hey." She heard Mulder say quietly as he sat next to her on the couch. She opened her eyes and looked at him, watching him smooth down his tie as he smiled slightly at her. “So how angry is he?” He tilted his head toward the door and Scully shook her head.

“Agents? You can go in now,” said Arlene, Skinner’s secretary, with a slight smile. Scully sighed as she stood up and walked toward the door with Mulder following close behind her.

Entering the room, Skinner had his back to them, looking out the window. No one else was in the room, and Scully sighed again as she sat down, Mulder taking the seat beside her. He glanced at her, but she did not look at him, her eyes facing forward waiting for Skinner to turn around.

A few minutes passed before Mulder cleared his throat, and Skinner’s shoulders slumped before he turned around. He stared at both of them, his gaze holding on Scully’s as he breathed deeply.

“I take no pleasure in calling both of you in here to discuss the things that have come to my attention. I believe you know that Agent Scully, considering our phone call earlier,” Skinner said, his eyes burning into hers. She sighed and nodded slightly.

“Sir, I’m afraid I’m out of the loop. Agent Scully said you wanted to see us, but …” Mulder said in confusion, and Skinner sighed.

“Agent Mulder, I’m referring to some information that has reached my ears regarding this past weekend at the team building workshop. More to the point, after said workshop … in the ... hotel lounge area.”

Scully watched Mulder as Skinner spoke and saw his face change, his eyes unable to meet hers save for the quick flick her way. He lowered his head as he leaned forward and locked his fingers together.

“Sir, I’m still confused. As I told you earlier, I don’t remember much about that night. I … I had a couple of glasses of wine and …” she said, looking at Mulder before looking back at Skinner. “I didn’t … I know I wouldn’t get up on stage and sing. Much less play a tambourine …”

“Scully …” Mulder said in a whisper, his head shaking imperceptibly. She kept staring at him, and he finally glanced her way, nodding his head.

“What?” she asked, horrified.

“Sir, could we have-”

“Why don’t I-” Skinner said over Mulder, tilting his head towards the door as he made his exit, leaving the two of them alone.

Scully watched him leave and then turned back to Mulder, her eyebrows raised. “What the hell, Mulder?” she said quietly.

“Scully, it wasn’t just a couple of glasses of wine,” he sighed and stared at her.

“Maybe a mixed drink too, but, I wasn’t out of control. And, Jesus, if I was having fun whose business is it here? It was after the stupid workshop, on my own time,” she said, her anger rising. “I don’t need to be lectured like a child and be forced to apologize for my actions. I’m not going to sit here and listen to this,” she said, starting to stand only to be stopped by Mulder.

“I don’t believe that is why we're here today, Scully,” he quietly said as he held tight to her arm. “Half the people at the workshop were drinking and acting the fool, much worse than you.” She glared at him and angrily shrugged his hand off her arm. “I’m not implying you were acting like a fool, just stating how others were behaving,” he quickly added, smiling slightly.

“If that’s the case, then why the hell am I being singled out? Because I’m a woman? A woman who generally doesn’t “act a fool” as you say, and so I have to be made an example of for the men in the office? You know, this is the kind of bullshit that stops women from pursuing careers in these fields. This boys club mentality that exists and women never have a chance-”

“It’s because I punched Tom Colton for the things he said about you,” came Mulder’s raised voice, immediately silencing her. She stared at him in utter disbelief and he nodded his head.

“What?” she whispered. “Tom? I have no recollection of him being there. Not in any capacity.” She shook her head, and he sighed, rubbing a hand down his face.

“He wasn’t there in connection to the weekend, he was just … there. I saw him when I was at the bar waiting for our drinks, which were definitely not wine,” he sighed, looking down at his hands before looking at her. “Scully, you were standing on the stage and singing or attempting to, and someone did hand you a tambourine.” He stared at her, and she shook her head, to which he nodded, a small smile on his face.

“Mulder … I have no memory of that, not even a little …” she stopped as she suddenly did have a recollection of standing and shaking a tambourine, people singing and talking loudly, the room unbearably hot. “Oh my God, Mulder.” The door opened as she felt her cheeks flush, embarrassed beyond belief.

“Sir, we’ve come to an understanding and I want to apologize for what I did, and I will speak to Agent Colton and apologize to him as well as soon as we leave your office,” Mulder said, standing up as Skinner entered the room.

“Agent Colton?” Skinner asked, his face puzzled.

“Yes, Sir. Is this not about me punching Agent Colton in the face?”

“You did what, Agent Mulder?” Skinner shouted, his eyebrows shooting up.

“Uhhhh,” Mulder stammered and looked down at Scully for help, but she was still seated and had her hand partially covering her face.

“Agent Mulder, this meeting was about … things that were witnessed and heard outside of Agent Scully’s hotel room. And downstairs by the elevators beforehand,” Skinner said pointedly.

“The ... elevators? Oh ...” Mulder said and sat back down with a sigh, as Scully looked at him, confusion on her face.

Skinner sighed, sitting down behind his desk, and Scully looked between them, waiting for one of them to speak. “Mulder, why did you punch Agent Colton? Do I need to make a call?” Skinner finally asked quietly.

“I … uh, I don’t think so, if he hasn’t said anything?” Mulder said, not sounding entirely certain.

“What would make you punch him, Mulder?” Scully asked him and he looked at her, his eyes telling her she did not need to hear it. “Mulder?” He sighed and shook his head, but she continued staring at him, forcing him to speak.

“He made comments about you that were not becoming of one agent about another. I made myself known and told him to watch his words. He and his buddies seemed to think that was funny, and then he said something else … so I punched him. He deserved it, and I don’t regret it,” Mulder said to her with a glance at Skinner who sighed and shook his head.

“What did he say, Mulder?” she whispered.

“Scully,” he said with a shake of his head.

“I need to know.”

“You don’t,” he told her gently. “That guy is an asshole and that punch was a long time coming. I don’t regret it one bit, other than it took so long.” He smiled, and she stared at him, searching his face. She sighed and leaned back in her chair, her head down.

Skinner cleared his throat and she looked up. “That uh, it doesn’t cover why I called you both here as at least one of those things is not a problem.”

“Neither of them is a problem if you know Agent Colton,” Mulder murmured, and Scully shook her head.

Skinner sighed again and looked down at the desk. “There were a few agents who expressed concern over … actions they saw between the two of you.” He looked up, and Scully frowned at him, still not knowing what he meant. He looked at Mulder who nodded and shook his head, which caused Skinner to sigh once more. “Look, I know that … male/female partnerships are subject to scrutiny more so than traditional same sex partnerships, I do. Just … you two seem to attract more attention, and when I hear things from others …”  he sighed again, and Scully stood abruptly to her feet, finally realizing what they were talking about.

She looked at each of them, unable to speak, her anger and embarrassment too high. Turning around she walked out of the office, past Arlene and to the stairwell, not having any patience or desire to wait for the elevator to take her to the basement office.

Two flights down though, she stopped and sat on the steps, her head in her hands. The night was coming back to her now, tumbling through her brain, almost begging to be remembered.

The heat of the room and the feel of the tambourine in her hands, made her feel happy and giggly, definitely past tipsy but not completely drunk. A drink was handed to her, and she saw Mulder’s smile as he shook his head and stepped back into the crowd.

She drank it down quickly, the alcohol burning her throat and then her stomach, but making her feel braver and bolder. The song ended and the crowd cheered. She laughed and handed the tambourine to some woman next to her, her eyes searching for Mulder as she did.

Stumbling down the small stage, she felt a hand on her elbow and looked to see Mulder beside her, his smile huge. “You’re just full of surprises, Scully,” he said close to her ear as a new song started and everyone cheered again.  

As they came through the crowd of people, she turned to look at him, losing her footing resulting in his arms catching her before she fell. The closeness of him made her dizzy, more so than any alcohol. He smelled so good and she told him so, his eyes widening in response. She laughed and pulled on his tie, bringing him closer to her, and allowing her to smell him closer.

“Scully,” he breathed, his voice low and close to her ear.

“Mulder. God, you make me …” she said, her words drowned out as the crowd erupted again.

Her eyes flew open as she remembered what she said and the words burned like hot lava inside her, destroying everything in its path. How was she supposed to be around him now that she remembered what she said? She needed to leave and never come back, the words too embarrassing to live with, much less think of every day with his eyes watching her.

“Oh my God,” she said, her voice echoing in the empty stairwell, as she suddenly remembered it was more than simply the words she said to him. There had been … touching.

A lot of touching.

She stood up and continued hurriedly down the stairs, determined to grab her things and get out of the office before Mulder saw her. Pushing the door open she looked left and right, walking past shelves of boxes, trying not to be seen.

Unlocking their office door, she put her keys in her pocket and quickly went to grab her bag and her phone. Items secured, she reached for the doorknob as the door opened and there stood Mulder. He stared at her in surprise and then frowned when he saw her bag in her hand.

“Are you leaving?” he asked, closing the door behind him. She could not look at him, the words she said to him that night burning in her mind, teasing her tongue to tell him again.

“Mulder. God, you make me �� so wet.”

“I … uh yeah … I forgot I have … um ...” she stammered and tried to step past him, but his hand on her wrist stopped her, forcing her eyes to meet his. Hazel and full of worry and concern, they were the same as that night …

The feel of his hands around her waist, his gasp of surprise at her words, his breath smelling of alcohol, made her knees weak as she stumbled into him. He tightened his grip before pulling back slightly to look at her. His eyes were open, and she felt she could see into his very soul if she looked long enough.

She wrapped his tie around her hand and tugged, bringing his mouth close to hers. Their breath intermingled as his fingers dug into her waist. Someone bumped her from behind, and she fell into his chest. His hard, muscular chest.

But that was not all that was hard.

He groaned and he pulled her closer, making her gasp. “Scully,” he breathed in her ear, and she shuddered against him. “I think … think we should head upstairs.” She nodded against his chest, and he pulled back to look at her. His eyes moved all over her face, and she smiled.

He turned her and led her out, walking behind her. Her pulse was racing. Every place he touched her felt like fire. One she never wanted to extinguish.

At the bank of elevators, he pushed the UP button and as he turned around, she grabbed the lapels of his jacket. She pulled hard until his mouth was on hers, and she kissed him. His hands went to her waist and then he was pulling her into the elevator, his mouth fuzed to hers. He pulled back, breathing hard, shaking his head.

“Mulder,” she moaned, reaching for his tie, but he stopped her, holding her hands between their bodies. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. He kept a hold on her hand and walked her down the hall.

At her door, she pulled him in for another kiss, falling against the door as he pushed into her, his tongue exploring her mouth. Her hands went to his hair, and she dug her nails into his neck, making him audibly groan.

He pulled back again, resting his forehead against hers. “Scully,” he whispered and she scraped her fingers along his neck, breathing hard. “Where is your room key?”

“Pocket, I think,” she said, her words feeling and sounding slurry even to her own ears. Mulder nodded and felt in her suit jacket pockets before he found it and opened her door.

She stumbled back, taking her shoes off as she walked inside the room, then trying to unbutton her jacket but her fingers did not cooperate. Forgetting about it, she stumbled to the bed and sat down. The room began to spin and she shook her head, before she fell back and remembered no more.

“I need to go, Mulder,” she said, barely above a whisper, and suppressing a sob. “Please … let me go.”

“You remember,” he said, a statement, not a question, and she nodded, her eyes downcast, embarrassment washing over her. “What do you remember?” Her head snapped up, and she found his eyes soft and understanding, not teasing and not judging.

“I remember …” she began, and he took the bag from her hand, setting it on the small desk, his eyes never leaving hers. “Uhhh …”

“Do you remember my hands being on your waist?” he asked as he put them there once again. “Do you remember how close you were to me? How it felt as though our very breath was mating?” She closed her eyes and leaned into him, whimpering quietly as she did. “Do you remember how my heart was racing? How my breath felt frozen in my chest because of your words, and the thoughts they created in my head?” He pulled her toward him, and she reached for his tie, realizing this was going to end way better than she thought it would when she had considered bolting out the door.

“Do … do you remember how your tie felt like silk when I touched it? How I wanted to run it over other parts of my body to see if it was as soft there, as it was in between my fingers?” she whispered, tugging his tie and making him moan her name. “Do you remember how the heat of the room made me want to strip all my clothes off, but I would have still been too hot, your touch making me ache? Do you remember that, Mulder?” She pulled back to look at him, her eyes seeking that he felt the same way she did, one hundred percent.

“I remember all of that, Scully,” he whispered. “I remember that and so much more.”

“Show me, Mulder,” she said, her fingers under his tie and seeking out the buttons on his shirt, pushing the first one she found through the buttonhole. One finger slid inside and scratched at the heated skin she found there. “Show me everything you remember.”

He stared at her for seconds that felt like forever, before he leaned in and kissed her, his lips just as soft as she remembered. His fingers gripped her waist and she wrapped her arms around his neck, his hair and skin as soft and warm as she remembered. He groaned in his throat as his tongue once again explored her mouth, as amazing and delicious as she remembered.

And once again, when she whispered in his ear the effect he had on her, his eyes widened, and he gasped, just as she remembered.

Yes, the basement office in the J. Edgar Hoover building, the one that was home to Fox Mulder and Dana Scully (although her name plate had been ordered, received, and lay in the desk drawer, the execution of it being hung up by either of them had failed) was known for being where odd things resided and strange theories were discussed. On that Tuesday morning, however, there was nothing odd about what was happening up against the wall, causing the doorknob to rattle, and moans to escalate to louder and louder decibels.

Times change, but places where memories have been made, especially the really good ones, the very walls themselves have a tendency to remember. In particular, the walls of a shared basement office, that was avoided by so many and thus created a rather private space for a tryst that had been waiting patiently for seven long years.

[potentially-lemongrass]

hey! um i wanted to ask a bi queerstake member whose dated about this, um I want to marry in the temple and I know that means I'll have to marry a AMAB person, is it bad that I want a nb/nb aligned masc person or at least a bisexual or asexual partner? i feel like i wont find someone like that, I just want someone who understands and is also queer but also fits kind of with the church narrative. is that weird? you dont have to answer this I just wanted to ask since no one talks about it i guess

honestly my perspective on dating has changed a lot since meeting B so I might say something completely different to what I was saying in previous months. (and of course, as always, this is just Ryn’s Opinion TM so take what you will). Also, looong post incoming as this is also a bit of a life update/journal entry since it’s been a while. I’m using B to respect his privacy and as always, I know that i’m super personal on here but please don’t try to doxx me or find out more than I’m willing to share <3 I’m slightly paranoid so I feel like I always need to say that. 

ANYWAY, I am still decidedly bisexual ✌ and so I’ll fight against bi erasure all day long since I’m a cis woman dating a cishet man. I will never be a straight woman and B totally understands and respects that. However, it also doesn’t exactly matter?? since I’ve chosen him so I’m not dating any men OR women.

Before meeting him, I was thinking about dating in the abstract especially since I really never had a serious relationship with anyone. I was fantasizing about dating girls and feeling deeply cheated that the Church was robbing me of that opportunity. I was angry, deeply depressed, and just generally not in a good mental place.

Coming to college was when I decided I wasn’t mentally going to “do” Church anymore. I skipped a few Sundays, and still signed up for Institute but I was angry and very determined to distance myself from the Church. I had to know if I even wanted to do this with my life and part of my master plan was getting a girlfriend. (although with the caveat that dating a girl, *just* to date a girl and not a guy, isn’t the best plan and I should have been more focused on romance)

I didn’t expect to meet B and when I did, I was deeply worried about getting a man who was “Peter Priesthood” and I would never be able to share my queer identity with him. B isn’t at all like that. He spent enough time around the queer kids in high school to really get a feel for the struggle and he’s never ever made me feel weird about it. He’s even encouraged and asked me to talk about it so I didn’t feel like I had to hide anything.

I came to two conclusions (well, maybe two and a half). 1) I’m definitely bisexual. Over the summer, I had briefly wondered if I was a lesbian and comp het was just taking its toll. Nope. Men are hot and my bf is absolutely a snack. So if anyone is looking for advice about figuring out sexuality, just try dating someone. I totally believe that you can know your sexuality without experience but it most definitely helps if you know what you’re talking about.

2) I missed church. I hadn’t realized it until I walked away but I truly do have a testimony and I longed for the presence of the Spirit in my life. So I chose to turn back. I read my scriptures and prayed sincerely and listened at church. No, I’m not entirely happy with the Church. There are things that make me cry and cringe and grit my teeth, but I have decided that I want to be here.

Part of that realization was B. My friend asked me if I could see myself getting married in the temple and I realized suddenly that I could. Suddenly it wasn’t a faceless man dragging me into a suburban life of mommy minivans and LDS conformity. It was the thought of B and I, holding hands and promising each other forever in the most eternal sense and it was me, making covenants with Heavenly Father. He and I both know that I’ve always had real joy in my life when I was doing my best to keep His commandments.

What I really needed was to accept my queer identity and feel like I could date girls if I wanted to. Finding B and finding my testimony were linked, as wild it is to say.

Not to say that that road would be easy. I’m not even close to being ready for marriage. B and I are figuring things out, both between us and with the Church. If faith was neat and simple, it wouldn’t be such an enduring theme throughout all of history.

 But maybe sometime in the next 5 years? Maybe in 2-3 years? I might be Mrs. Lemongrass. (pffft yes we’ll assume we’re taking my tumblr url as a last name lmao)

SO now you’re wondering about how that applies to your actual question. There will definitely be people in the Church who match what you’re looking for. My philosophy is that there really is someone out there for everyone. You’re trying to forecast for the future which is great and necessary but love doesn’t happen in the abstract. A Relationship TM isn’t some nebulous concept or a copy and paste letter. It’s what happens when you and a specific other person like each other a whole lot and it goes from there. Your relationship won’t look like mine or your parents or anyone else’s because you and your future partner are unique people.

So you totally may find someone in the Church who is queer and down for a temple marriage. Keep in mind as well that you may also find someone in the Church who is cishet and that works too. Just because someone isn’t queer doesn’t mean they can’t understand--assuming no one will ever understand you has always felt arrogant and dismissive of the power of empathy imho--so a cishet guy could be just as amazing.

So there’s no need to feel bad about wanting a specific type of person but don’t close yourself off! Enjoy the journey and put yourself out there with confidence. No one is good at relationships; they’re inherently awkward. You’ll say dumb stuff or fart in front of them or they’ll overshare and you’ll panic. Just trust the process, laugh at yourself, and realize the only thing you can really do is live in *this* moment. I hope this doesn’t sound condescending at all! This is just all my big sister advice that I can think of. Remember that you are loved, always, always, always by our Heavenly Parents and They’ll help you figure stuff out.