#whos also flaky as hell

[bogleech]

So like, in people without ADHD, your brain enters a kind of anticipatory state when you're going to do something - anything at all, as small as getting a drink of water or as big as paying your rent - and then releases the reward juices when you actually do it, after which the brain, with or without your input, will attempt to hurry your thoughts along to a different unfinished task. You like to think you control all of this consciously, that you decide you're gonna do stuff and you decide when it's done and then you pick some other stuff, but a lot of it really is automated. So, the sinister thing about ADHD is that when your brain is unable to release normal adequate levels of the reward chemicals, it doesn't have a strong frame of reference for when a task has been accomplished in real life. It doesn't experience a big enough difference between merely planning out the action and performing the action, so when you sit there and you think about what you should do and you go through the steps of it in your head, the single celled idiots who live in there feel like you basically just did all of those things and they celebrate a job well done with their pathetic little squirt of endorphins and they mark it off your to-do list.

And because those same inadequate reward juices also fuel your working memory, they very easily forget about the task altogether, which means the conscious part of you is highly likely to also forget whether you did that thing or even if it ever needed doing at all, and the little idiots dig through their files to alert you to something else they want to go over. But sooner or later the conscious part of you is going to pick up on the cues that there was something you meant to do and you didn't do, maybe seconds later or maybe days later, who the hell knows. Then you think about how you're going to do it and your little guys think "oh shit we're doing this again? Huh weird but GOOD JOB AGAIN EVERYONE!" and this can continue on a loop until the sun goes down and all you did since you woke up was scroll social media. This is not exclusive to ADHD, though; ADHD is when this is life-alteringly chronic. There are many other reasons your brain might be understimulated and not making its own coffee like it's supposed to. Neurotypical people might just experience this whenever they're tired enough. If it's 24/7/365 to the point that a lot of people just think you're flaky or lazy or apathetic, that might be ADHD. Your idiots are in there play-pretending your whole productive life without you.

[theyanderespecialist]

Yandere Alastor X Pregnant Reader (Headcanons) Alastor's Baby Mama (Hazbin Hotel)

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! I am back with another update! This one is with Alastor being yandere for his pregnant listener, and headcanons he would be like in this situation, anyways I hope you all enjoy this chapter here, all my sexy muffins!]

(Disclaimer: Alastor is Not Yandere In Canon, this is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine, just do not be illegal or gross about it. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE YOU FLAKY BISCUITS! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon, thank you!!!)

-Yandere Headcanons With Alastor X Pregnant Listener from Hazbin Hotel-

.Alastor would not be the best dad, in canon Viv has said he would not be against smacking around his kids (REMEMBER HE WAS IN HIS 30s IN THE 1930s HE IS BEYOND BOOMER) 

.He would of course raise his child that was defenseless and needed him. 

.But if his child who is able to "take care" of himself were to get hurt he would find it a bit funny (like in America funniest home videos) 

.Of course, that is when the kids are kids, but what about his pregnant wife? 

.Alastor is Asexual and in hell and thought he could not have kids. 

.Somehow in one of the times he made love to you his partner you had got pregnant. 

.He was a bit in shock, his microphone putting out radio static and him going "Say what now?" 

.How did it happen, why did it happen? 

.Of course, he is yandere for you and would very much want to take it to the next step with you. 

.So if you are not married to him at this point he will propose as he is doing the right thing and will make an honest woman out out of you. 

.Also with his old-time mind set he would say. "I am not going to let my child be a bastard." (Born out of Wedlock) 

.He is not giving you a choice, you are going to be his wife and bound to him, so yeah, good luck with that, lmao. 

.He becomes even more protective of you, realizing that now that you are pregnant you have a target on your back from all his enemies. 

.So he would steal you away and keep you by his side, If you want to leave the hotel, then you will have to be with him and maybe even husk. 

.If not you will be in the hotel and Husk and Niffty will be keeping a close eye on you. 

.He would even reel Charlie and Vaggie into this and use them to keep you safe and sound as well. 

.You are a prisoner to your husband and he is keeping you in this gilded cage. 

.He would of course give you everything you want and need. Except for your freedom of course. 

.Why would you need freedom when you have him, and your future children? 

.He is 1000 percent the type of man who wants his wife at home, pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen. 

.He at first did not want kids but seeing you pregnant has flipped something in him. 

.It mainly has to do with his narcissistic traits, as he will see this child as an extension of himself and their accomplishments will be his as well. 

.So that is nice, but also his yandere side likes seeing you swell with his seed. 

.That pregnant belly, widening hips, and full breasts are signs that you are with HIS Child, that HIS seed has done something to you. 

.This makes him excited in more ways than one because it is a way he can control and manipulate you, and keep you by his side. 

.But it also puts him in la mood because it shows him that you are his and his alone! 

.That you being full with his child is proof you belong to him the radio demon. 

.He would still deal with rivals by killing them and broadcasting their screams across hell. 

.He would be fiercely overprotective possessive and jealous. 

.NO ONE ELSE CAN touch the belly bump, that is HIS Belly bump. 

.He also sleeps with you in his arms a lot now, if you somehow get out of them to get a glass of water and he wakes up without you there. 

.He will appear behind you, snatch you, and teleport through shadows back to the room, place you back in bed where you belong. 

.No midnight snacking for you, unless you ask him first. 

.He is very attentive to all your needs when pregnant and also is a bit more in the mood sex. 

(as asexual can be aroused and horny and have a high libido and CHOOSE To have sex, Asexuality is about Lack of Sexual Attraction NOT The Lack of the Act of Sex itself) 

.So when you get to the want to have sex stage of the pregnancy he is more than willing to satisfy your needs. 

.You have unlocked a beastly side of Alastor good luck. 

.Oh and 1 million percent he would feed you venison and other demon meats while pregnant. 

.He wants to make sure you have a very healthy cannibal diet for you and his spawn. 

.He takes care of you at least, but he does need to be taught more modern ways on raising a child FR FR. 

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter is done! I hope you all enjoyed this and stay sexy all of my sexy muffins!] 

[hp-hcs]

Mattheo Riddle and Draco Malfoy x he/him

Yanderes au

He’s a pureblood who was forced to be a death eater, like them. And they get this overwhelming possessive urge to protect him from anyone and anything.

When he’s in pain they can’t - seriously can’t even think of leaving him alone. They’re physically hurt seeing him in pain. If he’s struggling they are going to help, whether he asks for it or not. If someone hurts him? Hell even if Voldemort himself hurts him? Even he wouldn’t survive their wrath.

They see themselves in him. But also not, because they wouldn’t care for themselves the way they care for him. They wouldn’t isolate themselves as they do with him. They don’t love themselves. Like how they are sickenly obsessed with him.

They don’t really let him do anything for himself because of their obsession. What if his bag clip breaks and cuts his hand? Yeah no. They’ll get Goyle to carry it for you. What? He’s feeling hungry? Don’t even think about getting up. They’ll order a house elf to make the best there is. He’s being sent on a death eater mission? Oh they think not. Never again. Never again.

i’ll be honest, i have like five very similar requests in my inbox already, so i kind of just skimmed this one until those last four lines hit me like a fucking TRUCK

! five part series; each part has six chapters ! (ambitious, i’m aware)

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。.・゜✭・.

『 Never Again 』

Yandere! Good! Draco Malfoy x Male! Reader x Yandere! Good! Mattheo Riddle

【 Part One — The Lesser of Two Evils (We Were Children) 】

Chapter One — Nobodies (Who Are You? Are You Nobody Too?)

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。.・゜✭・.

❝ I'm Nobody! Who are you? Are you - Nobody - too? Then there's a pair of us! Don't tell! they’d advertise - you know! How dreary - to be - Somebody! How public - like a Frog - To tell one’s name - the livelong June - To an admiring Bog! ❞ — “I’m Nobody! Who are you?”, Emily Dickinson

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。.・゜✭・.

Mattheo Riddle and Draco Malfoy had majorly fucked up five times in their lives.

The first was, of course, choosing to take the Dark Mark and swear allegiance to the Dark Lord—deadly ultimatum or not.

(Choosing is a strong word, though. They didn’t choose. They were told.)

They were fourteen.

~~~

An honor, they were told it was.

A once in a lifetime opportunity, their mothers crooned while stroking their hair. How proud you’ll make your father.

Proud, they repeated in their minds. I’ll make everyone proud.

They kept repeating the sentiment, even as their flesh sizzled and crackled, darkened and flaky around the edges of the new and never-healing burn.

Even as they were sharply dismissed from the Death Eaters’ meeting without so much as a glance from their fathers.

Even as the boys went back to their respective rooms in Malfoy Manor—where Lord Voldemort had decided to set up shop with his army of loyal sycophants—and bandaged up their arms.

Even as they both cried themselves to sleep—praying for Someone to rescue them from this self-inflicted hell—they repeated the sentiment, over and over.

They’ll tell me they’re proud of me. They will.

But Nobody did.

~~~

“Good. Now kill him,” Lord Voldemort hissed in his son’s ear, his hand holding the elbow of Mattheo’s wand arm steady. “Just like we practiced.”

Mattheo licked his chapped lips, steeling himself as he eyed the pleading Muggle man before him.

“Sir- b-boy, please! I- I’ve done n-nothing-”

“Avada Kedavra.”

The Muggle dropped like a rock, his pleas sharply cut off as he fell backwards. His skull made a sickening crack! as it hit the fine marble flooring of the Malfoy manor.

A slow and twisted grin of glee crossed Lord Voldemort’s face. “A-ha! Very good, Mattheo. Well done. Brilliant form, perfect diction…”

(The Dark Lord was not a stupid man. He knew how much his validation affected his son, and he knowingly used that to his advantage.)

“Nephew, come here. Your turn.”

Draco gulped and stepped forward as Mattheo returned to the edge of the Malfoy family’s ballroom-turned-execution-theater. The two cousins traded a glance as they passed one another, both sharing the same thought.

They’d become child soldiers, plain and simple.

Death Eaters.

A pair of Nobodies, doomed to be Somebodies.

Their arms itched.

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。.・゜✭・.

[utilitycaster]

look, I know polls are silly and fun and so I want you to understand writing this rant is silly and fun for me but EMON? Emon is the Critical Role Entry for Most Place of All Time? I must call bullshit. And so:

Friends, fellow critters, and people who have me blocked but hate read my blog each morning over breakfast: Emon is not even the Most Place on the Material Plane. It is not even the Most Place in Tal'Dorei. Hell, it's not even the Most Place on the fucking Bladeshimmer Shoreline, which includes a destroyed city now overtaken by bandits, and a cave system that hosts both a rift to the Far Realm and a different rock than residuum that can make a different magical drug than suude. Emon is if you took the aggressively mid vibes of Washington, DC and transplanted them to the inconvenient location and city of refuge for flaky people who avoid gluten for non-medical reasons of Los Angeles. The second Percival Frederickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III invents the motorcar that sumbitch is going to have traffic bad enough to summon Tharizdun. Also there's a literal pit of fire that's been burning for 30 years that both hasn't been adequately addressed but also doesn't really seem that interesting. Like oh a bunch of dragons destroyed your city? Big deal. Draconia got so fucked up it doesn't exist anymore, and at least Westruun has some fucking charm. At least Pike and Grog actually lived there, whereas Vox Machina got a house in Emon and proceeded to spend their time literally anywhere else.

Here is a brief list of places on the planet of Exandria in the Material Plane - not even across Critical Role's main campaigns/EXU, which includes such non-Exandrian places as "living city of people who mind-melded and escaped to the Astral Sea during a century-plus-long war of the gods"; "Ligament Manor"; "Ryn's groovy pied-a-feu, man I wonder what made the scorch marks on that furniture, anyway", and "THE MOON THAT IS ACTUALLY AN PRISON FOR A THING THAT EATS GODS AND IS POSSIBLY HATCHING" - that are more of a place than Emon:

Jrusar: 5 spires no waiting, sweet cable car system, city almost entirely destabilized by goo creatures as part of an overly complicated plot to blow up the aforementioned moon

Bassuras: (literally "garbagetown") Run by Mad Max gangs and everyone is cool with it; regular sandstorms; one of those gangs apparently sits atop a hive mind and NO ONE has examined this (except for them)?)

Whitestone: has a tree planted by one god over a buried temple to another god that was corrupted in the name of a third, shittier god; overrun by zombies but it's fine now; streetlights and two bears that are allowed to do whatever the fuck they want.

Yios: The canal system of Venice meets the colleges per capita of Boston meets the orcs from your fantasies, also there's some kind of kitchen-based organized crime ring so intricate it could be its own campaign (so, also like Boston).

Vasselheim: literally no one understands what the fuck its government system is. Old as balls. Temples everywhere! Temples full of trees. Temples full of blood! Temples full of an old guy who will kick your ass. A sphinx that regulates the monster hunter mini-game. Presumably the giant titan full of the ancient cannibal dwarf city is like, still there, as a new fixture, since I don't see how they're moving that.

The arctic: where teleportation doesn't work, there's a river of lava in the middle of the snow, ancient ruins full of snow globes full of actual people, and the Chaos Bisexual Emerald - and that's just a smattering of what Eiselcross has to offer.

Since this is about space and not time we can toss Aeor and Avalir too, since they once were places, and while we're at it whatever the fuck is going on with the Shattered Teeth and its permanent fog cloud and fish dream cult and capitalist shipwrecked merchants.

And, of course, any arbitrary square millimeter of Wildemount, frankly, has more Mostness than the entirety of Emon could muster under absolutely ideal conditions. But for the sake of one place per region, let's hand it to Rosohna (city of eternal night for practical purposes, built over the Evil God Headquarters); Uthodurn (underground! Giant goats! Elves and dwarves, living together, mass hysteria!); Hupperdook (steampunk gnome party city); Nicodranas (Fjord, Jester, Veth, Marion, and Yussa literally all live there at once; plumbing used to be courtesy of an imprisoned marid...but watch out); and Blightshore (Blightshore).

In conclusion: Emon is boring, nominating it was a mistake, there are literally sealed gods in other parts of the world and also way better taverns, good night, and what the fuck.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not inviting a friend of mine into my dnd campaign?

so i (18nb) have a friend (18nb, Martin) who i play in a main dnd campaign with with all our other friends (Ill name them Dan, Virgil, Mark, and Ray). Dan is our DM after we kicked out the old one bc she was horrible. We're a pretty close group of friends, but lately we've all been really busy with respective school & work, ect. so we didnt play dnd for a solid, like,, 4 months. I DMed a one shot for everyone besides Ray cause she was flaky anyway, and added in my boyfriend Zeke for it.

Everyone had a really fun time w it and I loved everyones characters, especially Dan's. I watch a lot of dnd shows, so i just keep getting more ideas- but while the one shot was fun it was messy as hell. Ive been wanting to write a campaign for a smaller group for a while, (because when i tried making a campaign with the whole group the character creations were... disappointing to say the least. this sounds mean but i created a fairy world that was very magical & told everyone to go crazy on character creation in a world with few/no humans, and like 5/6 people opted to be a human with a fighting class :/ )

ive been writing a campaign that im really proud of and have a good vision for, and decided to include Mark (because we're best friends) Zeke (because he wants to play dnd more and has no opportunities) Dan (bc he never gets to be a player) and then another close friend of mine outside the group named Gabe (who i love but never get to see) I love their characters & we're all super excited.

Thing is. I was briefly talking with Dan, Zeke and Mark about it at school bc I'd sent everyone a little intro message for the world and they were all super excited and wanted to talk to me about their classes. Virgil had no problem with this and was excitedly asking abt the world + characters along with some other friends from school, but Martin got quiet and went and sat by himself. I could tell they were off, but Martin is generally a quiet person anyway and is often sad + doesnt want to talk for like a hundred different reasons, so i left her alone. Later that day in a different class I have with Virgil he showed me his phone where Martin had sent him a message saying she was really disappointed & felt left out that i hadnt invited them to my campaign.

i instantly felt bad and started to text him, but,,,, to be honest, i dont think im at all responsible for this.

i have reasons for leaving Martin out, the main one being that they just..... arent a very active player. Hes soft spoken and doesnt actually like rping their characters- her character in our main campaign is/was literally mute bc they said they didnt want to have to speak as him. (theyve since taken this back and went through with a curse breaking thing to be able to speak, but her character,,, still doesnt talk much.) he writes really good, sad backstories but doesnt actually play or do anything with them and gets uncomfortable acting. Their characters are not only emotional, but like. crazy. they play a bunch of cool tieflings with insane magic classes & features and then, again,,,, dont roleplay them. I didnt want the group to be big and had a good reason for including everyone that i did, and our other friends that arent in it (Virgil, Ray who is Martins sister btw, all our other d&d interested friends at school) literally dont mind at all. i just wrote a campaign that theyre not in. Martin also has their feelings hurt very easily, so to be honest i just find her being sad about not being in it just... stupid. id never say that to his face & i get that he feels bad, but like....cmon.

im aware im a very very incredibly low empathy person- to be honest i struggle with depression and bpd very heavily and am often mean to my friends & loved ones without really processing why or how much it affects them. i told Virgil that i thought Martins reaction was stupid, and he said that that wasnt fair bc Martin had always been in my campaigns before (which is, yknow, one. Martin and I were even in a campaign with a completely different group a while back and Martin willingly left it very early because the group was loud & their character wasnt doing anything (yeah)). Every time Martins expressed (or i guess not expressed) sorrow for not being invited to it ive just sort of ignored them. this again isnt that uncommon cuz when shes sad he doesnt like to talk about it, and also they havent directly confronted me with this at all.

ive been talking about the campaign a lot because it occupies frankly a lot of my brain because i have so much to write, and i especially talk to the people that arent in it bc theres no risk of slipping up and telling them something they arent supposed to know. The other friend, Gabe, is friends with Zeke and Mark and I, and Dan is good around new people,, but Martins really quiet around people he doesnt know well, so if i invited her anyway they'd probably play the game even less than they already do.

again, im really bad at having an actual perspecitve on this. Virgil said he feels bad for Martin but not for himself, as far as i know Dan doesnt know about the situation, and i literally just dont wanna involve Mark and Zeke (Zeke HATES conflict and when people fight so he really doesnt have to be involved.) Mark Martin and I have all been really close friends since literally 7th grade and I guess Martin especially feels left out that I involved Mark and not them but Marks both really good at character creation and also talking in character, and like, hes my best friend who i do everything with.

I dont wanna blow off Martins emotions but but i truly dont give a shit that they feel betrayed by my not inviting him. especially because they havent bothered actually telling me this. objectively i dont think its my fault even a little, and Martin is really horrible at handling their emotions anyway (this isnt an insult, just a fact. i am too). aita for not inviting him + not caring that shes upset by it and acting like they arent?

sorry this is so long i really like providing context

What are these acronyms?

[libbee]

My astrology observations Part 1 (Feb 2023)

⚘ Scorpio placements

They cling to their emotions for longer than it is needed. Even if they are consciously aware of their rumination, it is very difficult to shake off the extreme feelings. They tend to revisit the memories from past. Even when life is good, they remind themselves of the bad that happened in past.

Sense of injustice, unfairness of life, revenge tendency exist. My mom as venus in scorprio keeps ruminating everything that offended or triggered her.

Tend to be very aware of human psychology since childhood. Their spirituality is not "everyone is love and compassion" but it is through psychology that they spiritually grow.

⚘Aries placements:

Short tempered. Leaderly. Quite confident even if they are in the wrong. Their confident and self assuredness can be an obstacle when they refuse to take responsibility for their wrong.

On the upside, aries placement is go getter and life up the spirit with their confidence when otherwise the situation is pessimistic. Their heatedness and mars energy also makes them hardworking. They are far from lethargic.

⚘Gemini placements:

Teenager energy. Emotional maturity is that of a teenager. **It is my insight that Gemini people talk a lot because it helps them ease their anxiety. Since they are so detached from their core and feelings, their anxiety builds up as a result of ignoring their true emotions - this is released through communication and especially verbal output.

I would not be surprised if most of the comedians, talk show hosts, chatty people have one gemini placement. Gemini needs to talk like it needs to breathe.

They are actually quite flaky. They remind me of youtube shorts section - going from one thing to the other throughout the day. I would bet most influencers have to have an air placement to be putting themselves out there in a public display. They are the only ones who can brainstorm ideas and content creation. Especially the memes, comedy, skits section. For eg, I used to watch Ryan Higa a lot and he was born in 6 June 1990. I dont have his birth details though I can figure out he must have some gemini placement and his youtube channel in early days was proof of that.

Not that gemini cannot mature but they must have a water placement in D1 or D9 chart to outgrow their flakiness eventually.

⚘Libra placements:

They actually avoid conflicts. But if their other placement is fire sign then are go from short tempered to conflict avoidant back and forth. Conflicting placements in the chart create a mess. For eg, water and fire placements together cannot be stable with either. Similarly, water and air placements - they are either feeling to the extreme or jumping emotions like it is nothing.

Yes they are charming too. Something about them makes them very charmful. Also people pleasers and codependent. Insecurities are a hell of a thing. Who is not insecure in this world? It can take a lifetime to outgrow an insecurity but the person has to be willing to work on it.

⚘Moon sign and mother connection:

Moon sign and placement shows how the mother actually behaves with you. Two siblings in one house can have different perspective of their mom. I have gemini moon and I perceive my mom as a friend like, funny, jokey but it is in 8th house so the eggshells, volatility, shadow projection is also there. My brother has pisces moon so he views mom as emotional bag and thinks her energy is attractive but it is also in 8th house so he dealt with eggshells and projection too.

My cousin has moon in scorpio and his mom is the hallmark sociopath and it is in 8th house so as a grown up he is low contact with her. The most striking theme is that for the other external world their mom is a different person but only the child knows that mom is not consistent and stable.

These moms project their shadow on the child and think their child is all those insecurities they have in themselves. For eg, if they think they are stupid then they project it on their child too and think their child is stupid too.

⚘Saturn in 8th house:

Saturn and 8th house. Sigh. Double patty karma burger. Hard working, disciplined but seems to be a pattern that their hard work is washed by unpredictable detour. They work hard to go from block 1 to 4 but fate pushes them back to block 2. Very fated life.

Unless their chart has inner planets in 8th too they are very resistant to personality change. And unfortunately personality change is the lesson of 8th house. Psychological death and rebirth is the lesson of 8th house and saturn resists that. They have a fear of change even if they are consciously aware that something is wrong in their life. Personality change can reduce a lot of life problems but people resist that.

May have a "started from the bottom now we are here" story. Their grit and saturn's rewards can make them self made persons.

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

games, m | myg

pairing(s): yoongi x reader

summary: You don't have a crush on Min Yoongi. You two are just fucking. Yup. You ignore him for two weeks because of Pokémon. Sorry. Twelve days. He's mad about it (and drunk?). Oh, shit.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; OT6 are nosy so now it's somehow crack???? this always happens idk how; friends-with-benefits; soulmate vibes(?); ft my obsession Pokemon Scarlet / Violet; feels + smut (fem reader, penetrative sex, scratching, m-receiving oral, mutual masturbation, choking); non-idol!AU; switches between your POV and Yoongi's POV

--

“Yoongi?”

Wow, that was loud and unexpected. Knocked you right out of your very pleasant dream of stuffing your face at a buffet with thick, juicy slices of prime rib, complete with flakes of premium sea salt.

“YOONGI?!”

You could still almost taste it, but, like all dreams, the savory delight slipped away from you rapidly as you groggily blinked and realized you were resembling a croissant folded into this couch.

“You have a crush on Min Yoongi of all people?!”

Similar to the flaky buttery pastry, you had no idea what the fuck was going on. Unlike the product of a baker’s pride, sentient life required you to reorient yourself into humanity, hazily taking note of the MapleStory mushroom-printed blanket draped over you and your empty hands. Your hands had been holding your phone before you passed out. You were obsessed with mobile puzzle games recently. It was nice to have games on the go to occupy yourself instead of, bleh, socializing. It was awesome. When you figured them out too easily though, they made you sleepy.

Anyway, where the hell was your phone?

“Really?! Yoongi-hyung? Oh my gosh, he texted a human being all in his own? Wow!”

That kind of excitement could only be the voice of…

“Come on, guys, hyung’s been better about such things recently. He’s surprisingly sentimental, you know.”

And that sensible voice was none other than…

Someone snorted.

That was Kim Seokjin.

You rubbed your eyes to see a familiar man holding your very expensive Samsung smartphone with your customized Rotom phone case, poking at the screen as if he was his own.

“What kind of illegal activity are you doing over there?” you hummed as you sat up, knowing full well he did not possess access due to the fingerprint scanner. One time you snuck up on him as he tried to snoop on your phone. He had flung it, so this time you calmly stayed on the sofa as your longtime friend on the armchair jumped, thoroughly scaring himself and the lean, tan drink-of-sunshine standing behind him.

“You’re awake!” Seokjin blurted. Tall, gangly if you squinted, absolutely handsome, somehow always dancing on the edge of endearing caretaker and walking disaster, Kim Seokjin threw himself out of the plushy white armchair and shoved your phone into your face accusingly as if you were the one responsible of wrongdoing. His chestnut-brown poofy hair bounced as he relentlessly poked you in the head. “You’re texting Min Yoongi! Is that the one you have a crush on?!”

“Er, technically all hyung asked was when the group was meeting up…” Jung Hoseok squeaked, radiating apologies while Seokjin continued poking you in the head with his free hand. “I tried to tell him not to touch your phone.”

“I’m sure you did,” you replied. “I’m also sure he didn’t listen.”

“Hey. Answer me.”

“Hyung…” The concerned, deep voice was coming from the barstools in the kitchen behind you, in the don’t-annoy-her-that’s-rude-but-also-it's-not-my-place-to-scold-since-I’m-younger tone. Kim Namjoon, who was probably reading a book and drinking tea at the counter. He must have been banished there. The last time he had done the same activities in the living room, he had spilled tea all over Seokjin’s white rug. That had earned him a good yelling.

You glanced at Hoseok’s rueful expression and half-smiled, waving your hand to indicate you weren’t that bothered.

“I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me.”

Kim Seokjin believed he needed to know such information about you because he had been your friend since your accountant mother started dragging you to house calls to a very specific home (mansion) in hopes of child you falling in love with the dashingly handsome son of one of her clients (she told his parents that it was because she couldn’t afford daycare, but even child you knew better). Instead, Seokjin and you became inseparable hopelessly addicted gaming fanatics that could not imagine each other naked without puking.

You did end up becoming inseparable. Just not in the way your mother wanted.

Oops.

“I don’t have a crush on Min Yoongi.”

“Oh yeah?” He said it in a high-pitched, disbelieving tone. You swatted his hand and snatched your phone from him, peering at the message preview. “Why is he texting you then, huh? HUH?”

Your phone vibrated.

Sorry to bother you. I would have texted Seokjin-hyung, but he’s annoying.

“He says you’re annoying.”

“Ex-cuse ME?”

“Here’s the proof.”

“EXCUSE HIM?!”

-

“What.”

“Let me in. It’s cold out here.”

“What are you doing here?” Kim Taehyung sputtered, obediently opening his apartment door to the slightly shorter, much more imposing figure of Min Yoongi. His long black hair was wild and windblown, puffy black parka zipped all the way up, hood out but useless at the moment. Light denim jeans and black boots crusted with snow. Nothing but his serious, intense demeanor made him imposing. Yoongi carefully kicked off the white ice before stepping in, slowly raising an eyebrow at Taehyung’s askew brown locks and rumpled gray sweat set.

“You’re not leaving like that are you?”

Taehyung frowned. “I’m not, duh. Jimin’s taking ages to use the bathroom. I think he fell in the toilet.”

“Hey! I heard that! Who’s out there?”

“You won’t believe it,” Taehyung shouted back to the disembodied voice coming from inside his apartment. He pushed his hair back from his eyes like he himself couldn’t believe it, revealing his classically handsome sharp features and stunned frown. “It’s Yoongi.”

“YOONGI?!”

The Min Yoongi, of the hour it seemed, rolled his eyes.

“What are you doing back there?” he called to the voice inside from the front hallway, not moving.

“Fixing my hair!” Park Jimin yelled back several decibels louder.

“I’m surprised,” Taehyung said, looking scowling Yoongi up and down like he was some kind of unidentified foreign object. “I thought you weren’t coming. Didn’t you say you were busy?”

“I made myself unbusy,” Yoongi grumbled back, pulling out his phone.

“You don’t make yourself unbusy for no reason.” Taehyung persisted, sticking his face in between Yoongi and his phone, making those cat-like eyes above narrow in annoyance.

“There’s alcohol.”

Taehyung wiggled his dark eyebrows. “I thought you were cutting back.”

Deadpan.

“Life’s shit, man.”

The younger male broke out into his boxy smile and booming laugh, pulling his head of brown curls back to double over. It was the combination of Yoongi’s dead-inside expression and monotone reply that was making Taehyung snort, that and Yoongi’s immediate return to his phone as if nothing was happening. Yoongi still made no move to actually step further into the apartment. He simply continued standing in front of the closed front door, on the welcome mat next to the shoes thrown about because Kim Taehyung couldn’t be neat unless he was impressing someone, and those people were not his best friend Park Jimin and unexpected-guest-but-still-friend Min Yoongi.

“You’re so funny, hyung.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

Yoongi raised his eyebrows as he stared at his phone and gave Taehyung absolutely fucking nothing to work with to continue the conversation.

“I guess you intend to drink since you stopped by here,” Taehyung chattered on, bored and unbothered about Yoongi’s lack of communication. “I’m closest to the train station and in between the karaoke bar. Plus sharing a taxi with us is cheaper than paying on your own.”

Silence.

Taehyung prodded Yoongi’s arm.

“Uh huh.”

Innovative answer.

“I think everyone is going to be there then,” Taehyung continued on, smooth baritone voice calming as he listed the people. “Namjoonie-hyung, Seokjinnie-hyung, Hoseokie-hyung, Jimin, Jungkookie, you, me…”

“Where’s Jungkook?”

“He’s asleep.”

Taehyung pointed to the couch. There was a blob of gray, black and white, too much fabric and face-down into the couch pillows. A poof of wavy black hair the only indication the pile was a human and not forgotten laundry.

“What is he, a newborn infant?”

“I don’t know. He said he was tired. If we don’t let him nap now, he’ll pass out during karaoke and we’re not strong enough to carry him out. Remember last time?” Taehyung sighed.

The monochrome blob that was supposedly the man named Jeon Jungkook suddenly snored, as if on cue.

“Yeah, I don’t know what he’s is doing in the gym but he’s unmovable,” Yoongi muttered.

The phone vibrated.

“Oh, is that me?” Taehyung immediately felt around his pockets and looked around. “Ah, where did I–”

But it was not him. Yoongi looked down. Unfortunately, you’ll bear witness to my awful singing. I apologize in advance. The corner of his lips ticked as he read the message. He breathed out. One, two, three, four seconds, and typed back. That makes the two of us then. A part of him thought he shouldn’t have started this conversation. He wasn’t good at this small talk thing, but one had to make some kind of effort in getting to know someone. And, anyway, he knew himself.

Do before getting carried away.

And, yeah, he wanted to know this one.

“I knew it.”

Yoongi slowly blinked, sensing an ominous presence staring at his phone screen, most certainly reading the name there. Sigh. He pulled his arm back and put his phone in his pocket, looking up to see the grinning, scheming, falsely-angelic face of Park Jimin looming into his peripheral view.

“Oooh, Min Yoongi has a crush.”

Yoongi said nothing, because saying nothing was better than reaching over and strangling Jimin. The latter would require physical effort. Oh, and perhaps land him in jail for murder. But that was only because Taehyung was here as witness.

“Huh… I thought I got a notification,” the latter commented, emerging from his bedroom with his uncased smartphone. Yoongi often wondered how Taehyung never cracked it, but perhaps he just bought new ones when he did. Taehyung often chose aesthetics over practicality. “Oh, finally, you’re out of the bathroom. Do I have to open a window to spare myself?”

“Tae, Yoongi-hyung has a crush,” Jimin sing-songed, bouncing around the older male teasingly as Yoongi remained statuesque. “He’s texting Seokjinnie-hyung’s lady gamer friend.”

Yoongi did not confirm or deny this information as Taehyung’s brown doe eyes went wide.

“OH?”

“Hyung’s flirting.”

Yoongi felt his right eyelid twitch.

“Jungkookie! Jungkookie, wake up, I have news!”

The blob trembled, suddenly alive, shaken violently by a hyper-excited Taehyung who couldn’t believe his ears even though he did not fact-check Jimin and had zero proof if his best friend was telling the truth or not. Apparently, he was filled with too much glee to relay this sudden revelation to the youngest, sleepiest one of the soon-to-be-drunk-as-fuck-karaoke group.

“W... Wuh?”

Unsurprisingly, Jungkook was not that articulate when barely roused from the dead.

“Yoongi-hyung’s flirting!”

Those big peepers snapped open.

“He’s WHAT?!”

-

“Mmm.”

The night smelled like smoke and someone’s delicious dinner.

“I should, ah, head home now that you’re safely at your door and all that.”

The winter night framed his figure. A halo of streetlamp light caught the gloss of his wavy black hair. Long and dark and shadowy, strands curling around high cheekbones and fair skin. He caught your gaze as you turned to face him. Black-brown eyes and unreadable expression. Half-zipped parka, black sweatshirt, and blue jeans with gray paint splattered onto one knee. No scarf. Strange, because you knew this man was the kind of guy who always wore a beanie and prioritized sensibility over aesthetics, and yet.

Min Yoongi raised his hands and exhaled into his curled palms, warming his nose at the same time. He looked away from you to do so.

“Cold?”

He shrugged. “It’s winter.”

You half-smiled, lifting your ungloved left hand. “My hands are always warm. My face always gets cold first before my hands.”

He eyed your fur-lined leather jacket. A chocolatey faux fur, softness peeking out from the tougher black fabric. Then his eyeline shifted. Intently observing your face. If you were younger, you might have thought you had to react differently. Been shy like the movies or some shit.

You simply waited, keeping your touch hovering in the winter night.

Slowly, you lowered your hand.

Something fluttered in the darkness that was those eyes. You had seen it before, maybe even spied it earlier this night. It was only a get-together between friends, drinks and karaoke, neither activity you particularly enjoyed which led to your original decision of not going. One small detail changed your mind, and he was standing right in front of you. Your singing was awful, but Yoongi was still polite enough to say that you were better than he was. I’m only good at rap. Sure. You heard what he said and his singing voice proved to contradict it. So Min Yoongi was that kind of liar, huh.

You didn’t say goodbye yet.

You could see Yoongi was waiting for you to say it first. You removed your other hand from your jacket pocket. Empty, purposefully leaving your keys behind. Calmly stared into those dark eyes as he stepped forward. You could feel it. The fire beneath the waves. Felt it all night. In the stolen glances, in the way he spoke to you, polite with piqued curiosity, in the way time stopped when your eyes connected.

You smiled.

His cold fingers touched the back of your hand.

You didn’t say anything. Didn’t need the conversation to be with words. His hand on yours, chills wrapping around the warmth. Experiential. Testing the feeling between you and him. You didn’t need to wonder what he thought of you. He had reached out and touched your hand and you let him, reaching between you and him to softly rub the back of his knuckles, silently speaking to those dark eyes and parted lips through touch. His other hand raised and laid above your joined hands.

Black strands curved around his cheeks as Yoongi lowered his head.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” he whispered, smokey and dusky.

Bodies closer, breath mixing. Your head tilted. Lashes lowering. Cold night air disappearing because of the fire under the water, breath to breath, hot, almost burning, the desire to break the surface rising, rising.

“Is it this?” you murmured, barely audible.

You could tell a lot from one kiss. He did not hide his hesitancy or his want. Honesty from the very beginning of his lips on yours, surprised at the way you pressed back against him and inhaled, imprinting the moment to your memory with his scent. Your grip tightened and his did too, telling you everything you needed to know, kiss after kiss, pulling him to you, away from the winter night and memories of a friendly get-together, about to change them into something…

Else.

Yeah.

Fuck it, you were already pushing his parka down his shoulders before your front door finished closing. It was dark but that didn’t matter when you remembered where everything was, flicking on low lights and bringing his face close to yours again, creating the magical moments on your own, not waiting for Yoongi for do so. He was enough magic in his breathless gasps and the way he seamlessly followed the fervor of your kiss, his shallow sighs saturated with lust. There was very little talking except the conversation of bodies. Not much to say when you collided him into the wall and slid your hands under his sweatshirt, skin to warm skin, kisses turning to hot breath and flicks of tongue against his neck, shivers under your lips, and then he flipped the situation, strong hands on your shoulders and rolling against the wall, pinning you with his body.

Hair all over his eyes.

Shaking inhale.

A hall lamp lighting the left side of his face.

“Too fast?” you asked softly.

Dark orbs flickered to yours.

“… No.”

Closer, his air becoming your air.

“I just don’t want you to think this is the reason I walked you home. I didn’t want you to get hurt. Walking at night alone isn’t safe. People are crazy.”

You half-smiled. Alright, more of a smirk. “Maybe I’m one of them.”

A light chuckle, impressed and amused at the same time. “I was trying to sober up too.” Giving excuses.

“Heard you have a high tolerance.”

“Alcohol is alcohol.”

“So, does the alcohol wanna fuck me or do you?”

No one ever called you subtle.

Yoongi closed the distance, his hair falling against your forehead. You could tell he was struggling with himself whether or not to be swept up in the waves of your fire, or maybe struggling with what was wrong and what was right, or maybe he was hesitating once he felt your relentless energy under his hands, but you could also feel something pressing against your crotch and it wasn’t one of his legs.

He was very calm once he made his decision.

“What do you like?”

Your hands in his hair, his ear between your teeth, and his moan into your pillows. Clothes all over the floor, body to body, so much heat that you both seemed to forget it was winter. His hand on your breasts, your hard nipples between his fingertips, your mouth opening and extending your tongue, teasing him, tangling your legs in his. There was some irresistible about his smile and his smirk. You chased both, running your nails over his back and ass, his hard cock pressed to your thigh and his hiss against your neck, do you have condoms, we shouldn’t, but he didn’t need to finish since you were already prepared.

“I’m not irresponsible.”

“Oh?” Yoongi cocked an eyebrow. Glanced at your rumpled sheets, his naked body as he rolled down the condom, and then at your naked body. “Doesn’t seem like it.”

You just smirked.

You were often careful after the first time, following the energy of the other person rather than your own desires. But this time, something was different. Your hand would press to his chest, fingernails curling in, and, slowly, centimeter by centimeter, his length filling you, contented sighs mixing, raking your nails down, lines of pain in your wake, listening to his hitched breath, his eyes flashing.

He didn’t say it, but his voice was in his racing heartbeat and throbbing cock.

More.

Not quite competitiveness but more like pleasure from pushing the limit. There was a certain measure of reservedness, like how he waited patiently for you to lift your leg up onto his shoulder. First one, and then you tapped his other arm. Yoongi raised his eyebrows, but he lifted his other arm, hand back to your mattress once you were folded under him.

You lifted your hips up and rammed into his crotch.

He sucked in a growl and winced, screwing his eyes shut. Probably to avoid you seeing anything too embarrassing. You let your muscles slowly close in around him, squeezing his hardness, letting yourself feel him inside you. Appreciating. He didn’t move right away. You did, steadily fucking him from below, his chest against your thighs, keeping the smirk on your face to stay as infuriating as possible.

“Fucking… Are you enjoying this?”

Low and dangerous, sweet chills up your spine at his deep voice.

“Do you fuck without the intent of enjoying it?” you countered.

He narrowed his eyes and fucked you into your mattress. Merciless and hard and deliberate. Good rhythm, which you expected. Intensity over speed, which you did not expect. Yoongi knew what he was doing. He was not just chasing his own pleasure. There was no need to with the way that you were nearly sending him over the edge with the control of your own muscles. He slowed down for a moment, lifting a hand and tracing your jaw with his fingertips, whispers under his pants, you have nice lips, you know, the perfect shape, and you licked the air, the tongue is better.

Cocked eyebrow, open-mouthed smirk.

“I’ll have to find out next time.” He ticked his head downward. “You wanna get off with me?”

“I will if you fuck me hard enough.”

“You don’t have to pretend.”

“I’m not. You’ll feel it, trust me.”

You thrusted with him to get that depth you liked and he did, in fact, feel it.

“F-Fuck!”

You bit your lower lip and grinned, throwing your head back and feeling your moan vibrate in your chest, lengthening your high with the containment. Eyes closing, no more talking, your arms up and hands clutching the pillows, fucking him as he fucked you, his swears turning into moans as he felt your orgasm convulse around him, honey wetness sticking to your inner thighs and his, chasing a higher high, cutting off every one before the final crescendo, not letting yourself fully let go, not yet, almost there, not yet.

Saturating every second with vicious, hot pleasure.

Somehow Yoongi knew. Felt it, chased it with you, his muscles tense, rigid, holding back too, building the higher high, harder, steady, fuck, so good.

Your name tumbling from his throat, the warning, and his from yours, the moment, orgasm so intense you forgot to breathe for a second, suspended, and then the crash, gasping as you felt him twitch inside you and your walls pulse, electricity shooting through your nerves, tingling and euphoric, gripping your pillows covered in your hair as Yoongi leaned forward and covered you in his hair and hot breath, colliding kiss matching the escalating beats of racing hearts.

Yoongi stared into your eyes much later, all his clothes back on.

“What?” you asked.

“Just memorizing your eyes.”

He kissed you.

-

“Love is more circumstance than fate.”

“I always thought so, too.”

These kinds of things came up in conversation around others. These were moments that happened by happenstance. For instance, in the middle of Taehyung’s tirade about how true love was definitely fate between two beings who had a connection unique to themselves that could not be replicated, and he deliberately ignored Yoongi when he pointed out that every connection one had with another was unique because it was between two individuals.

You and Yoongi shared a look of faint amusement in the midst of Taehyung’s abrupt soapbox speech.

Hoseok blinked and repeated his question of whether or not he suited the acorn-shaped pouch that was slightly overpriced despite being on sale. Namjoon injected and said that if he has asking then it meant that he was hesitating. Seokjin told him who cares, just buy it, it’s cute. That was enough convincing for Jung Hoseok. He brought it on the spot.

You found Yoongi afterward, waiting for you around the corner.

“Oh. I thought you went home.”

He looked at you, lowering the hood of his parka.

“I thought about it, but it had been a while since I appreciated the night.”

Then there was silence, until you were close, and then those dark eyes stayed on you, tendrils of black between you and him. Your fingertips touched the button placket of his coat. His head lowered. His breath had a little sweetness to it because of the Korean liquor. You kissed him.

You closed your eyes when you did.

You didn’t say much more.

You didn’t really look at his apartment when you arrived. You were too entangled in the lip lock and pinning his wrists to the wall. Heat pressed to heat. His tongue thrusting between your lips. The cold rapidly defrosting once skin was against skin.

Your nails down his chest.

Heavy exhale, burning anticipation.

You didn’t need to ask yourself, why am I like this. People spent years wondering on their own, but those years were already behind you, in lonely nights of both your parents working overtime and you alone at the table doing homework, cooking your own meals, cleaning up after yourself. If you wanted the video games to distract your brain, you had to be a good daughter. Being a good daughter was not that hard. Do all the things you were supposed to do and take up as little mental space as possible.

Something like that.

You ran your tongue along the inside of Yoongi’s thigh and savored his shudder.

The only detail that slightly annoyed your mother was that you weren’t interested in marrying Seokjin and Seokjin was clearly not interested in marrying you. Not much she could do about that. She gave up on asking for those kinds of details after that, mostly to avoid her own disappointment.

You wrapped your tongue around hot, taut skin, controlling the pressure of your tongue and lips. Up, down, tongue moving independently along the underside of the head, so precise that you saw his fingers sink into his sheets, surprise rippling over his features. Raised an eyebrow at him, letting the amusement show.

Yoongi smirked, a look that suited him very much.

All the way down, hitting the back of your throat. Easy. Guess a lot of people could call you a whore for that but, then again, the ones who actually knew were probably too busy pining over the fact that they would never feel it once more. Didn’t help that you acted as if it never happened once you were done.

You had dedication to games, but to people?

Not really.

It was fun to figure out people. It was fun discovering Yoongi. His sounds, every sigh, the tone of his moan, the way his breath shook when you took him deep and slow. He became very hard every time you went as deep as possible, past the point of breathing. He didn’t try to push your head or interfere with your pace. It was as if he trusted your movement, which was what he should do, because you knew what you were doing.

You swirled your tongue around the head as you went down.

He sucked in a gasp and closed his eyes, visible tension over his chest.

There was a strange familiarity to his movements. That was the only way you could describe the ease of reading his body language. Sometimes you let yourself feel the extent of the pleasure and sometimes you let the pressure build in your body to wallow in the torture of the buildup, like what he was doing now. He wanted to last, so you made it last. Not too fast. Tongue all over his hard, pulsing length, slowing down at the right moment of his hips shivering, layering the intensity again, stroking his balls as you sucked him, spreading the dripping saliva all over.

You hadn’t been having sex with Yoongi for very long, but it felt like you already knew his body.

You let him consider the possibility of you not letting him cum and then you continued the intensity, pushing him over the edge.

“… F-Fuck…!”

Rammed the throbbing head down your throat and felt his thick, salty orgasm spurt into the confines, leaking over your tongue and the roof of your mouth, breathing in to push it back. His hips involuntarily jerked and you immediately reached up to grip them and shove him back down, swallowing around the harsh pulses.

You heard Yoongi moan, low and sweet and erotic.

People were like games.

Only few had replay value.

-

He thought about saying something, but there wasn’t much to say.

It was his policy to not make something out of nothing. Grander, more general things, sure, he kept those ambitions. But, day-to-day, he learned it was better to go with the flow. You didn’t have disappointments if you didn’t expect much to begin with, so Yoongi didn’t expect much and let himself feel what he wanted to feel.

Like his hands on those thighs and pressing delicious legs to his chest as he sank in.

He tended to enjoy the fucking on top simply because it was easier for him. Most of the time, he didn’t feel much need to experiment or be creative. Most of the time, they weren’t worth it. Her? He fucked her in every position he could think of. This time, he felt the urge to fuck with most of his clothes on, with her holding up his shirt as he thrust into her on the edge of the bed. Not the most optimal position for maximum pleasure, but the arousal in the unnatural movement was enough to get him off.

Her too.

He could tell by the unforgiving clenching around his cock and the sopping wetness that was sticking to his balls, which was causing him to last minutes. You would think the human body would last longer if it felt better, so the pleasure could be felt more extensively, but his dick was much more interested in the instant gratification it was getting.

Oh, well.

He would have to fuck multiple times then, to prolong the pleasure.

She was the one to ask him first. Meeting without the false alibi of just happening to be at the same gathering at the same time. He went with the flow. Their fingertips touching. Her leaning in and kissing his collarbone, lips so soft that they made his nerves spark and muscles shiver, tilting his head back as her tongue traced a thin line upwards, wet heat against his pulse, her hand falling from his hand, tracing his neck.

“Choke me,” he whispered.

Yoongi liked doing things for the sheer curiosity of it.

She sucked on his ear when she choked him and electrified his whole body with lust, his hands finding her hips and slamming them down on his crotch, moaning into her ear shamelessly.

Yoongi knew he got himself into moments like this.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault but his own.

His fingers buried into her wet, warm pussy and he inhaled, drinking in the sweet scent of her juices, in, out, so good, the feeling of power and pleasure at his fingertips, tactile and visceral and intense. Staring into those piercing eyes with one hand around his neck and the other around his hard cock, choking both until he came on her thigh and hip, but not before she came onto his fingers, pushing himself to the brink with his forearm vibrating. Ended up being sore the next day.

Worth it.

Yoongi told himself to do before getting carried away.

He was getting carried away, especially when he was alone.

His shaking breath, breathe in, breathe out, high on the bliss, their lips colliding, covered in each other, salty, sweet, sticky, closer but not, and it was nobody’s fault but his own, because he always thought about saying something, but didn’t.

There wasn’t much to say.

He looked into those eyes, and he didn’t want to say anything. Just wanted to appreciate their shape, their color, the feeling they gave him when he gazed into them, like he could live million lifetimes but recognize those eyes every time. A strange kind of familiarity that didn’t have an explanation. He had known Kim Seokjin for a while, but Seokjin was protective of his female friends, especially his most important one.

So, Yoongi stayed respectful until his brain started getting carried away because his dick wasn’t doing enough.

Well.

He tried.

-

“I gotta ask you something.”

“You can ask me after you press A, you dimwit.”

“I am pressing A. It’s lagging!” Seokjin growled, bopping you on the arm. You continued leaning against his broad shoulder as the Pokémon raid loaded up. “Are you dating Yoongi?”

“Mmm,” was your reply as you pressed the buttons in order. Battle, Swords Dance, on your Ceruledge. Had to get the setup going to do the most damage before your stats become nullified. The raids in Pokémon were meant to convince players to participate in online play, but math and logic could help you solo or duo them quite easily. You needed Seokjin there so you had one less idiot AI. In fact, Seokjin only purchased this generation of Pokémon to help you out in certain things. Raids and completing the Pokédex. He wasn’t as attached to the series as you were. He played so he could understand what you meant when referencing it, but he wasn’t that invested.

He was a good friend.

“Are you or not?”

“Don’t think it’s any of your business,” you responded absentmindedly, reaching over to command his statistically-perfect Arboliva that you gifted him for this very purpose to perform Helping Hand. You might as well have been doing this raid alone. Seokjin was basically simply a spare console accompanied by a warm body.

For now.

Kidding… unless?

Nah, he was too much fun to tease.

“It is my business. You’re my friend, he’s my friend and, if you two are dating, it’ll make the group all weird.”

“Your friend group is already all weird.”

Seokjin prodded you in the head as you selected Bitter Blade for your attack move. “Be serious.”

“Ask him.”

“I did. He said to ask you.”

“Huh.”

Silence.

“… I’ll kill him if he abandons you.”

You couldn’t pause the raid. It was timed and the raid Pokémon had to be defeated in that time, or you would get kicked out. You didn’t say anything. Just kept pressing buttons, turning automatic.

“Well, I won’t kill him. I’ll make Jungkook kill him.”

Reaching over Seokjin, who did nothing to help you. He just held the Switch as you selected the correct moves and thought about who you needed to raise next. Maybe a Gardevoir. You needed more special attackers to avoid Abilities like Cursed Body and the Burn status condition.

Seokjin was suddenly quiet.

“… You think he’d do that?” you finally said, not quite sure what you meant in asking that.

You felt a hand on your head, bringing you closer to broad shoulders and his game.

“I don’t know.”

One thing about Seokjin was that he always told the truth.

-

“Are you getting your dick wet or what?”

Yoongi blinked slowly.

“What?”

“Jimin, you can’t ask that,” Hoseok scolded, whacking Jimin’s chopsticks with his own to punish the younger male because the walking sunshine was too pure-hearted to physically strike Jimin. “Eat your food.”

Jimin thinned his plump lips and gave Yoongi the side eye instead of eating his meal like Hoseok told him to. “I think you are. I feel it.”

Yoongi made the executive decision to ignore Jimin and continue serving himself the soup, adding plenty of vegetables. “Hoseok, haven’t you been working a lot lately? You need to eat more meat. You’re getting too thin.”

“You sound like my parents, hyung,” Hoseok laughed jovially as Yoongi added extra slices of marinated beef onto his plate. “Thanks, thanks.”

“Don’t avoid the question,” Jimin continued, buzzing away like a determined bee.

“I get it wet every day. It’s called a shower.”

“You know what I mean.”

“And I answered you.”

Jimin squinted under his fluffy auburn locks. “You’re sussy.”

“Huh?” Hoseok blinked rapidly, cocking his head. “Sussy?”

“Suspicious. Taehyung taught me.”

Hoseok’s lips curled into a round ‘o’, seemingly filing away this new lingo. “Man, sometimes I feel so old around you and Taehyung even though I’m only a year older.” The bustling restaurant complimented his cheerful voice, warm smells and fragrant conversation mixing with the clinking of plates and glasses. He reached over the table, patting Yoongi on the shoulder. “I’m glad you’re talking to someone though. I thought you were going to die alone.”

Those cat-like eyes shifted away.

“… Thanks.”

Nothing more.

“Uh oh, there’s trouble in paradise already.”

“Is something wrong?” Hoseok asked, frowning slightly at the older male’s reaction.

Yoongi sighed, and shook his head.

“It’s nothing. There’s not much to say about it.”

Hoseok caught on right away, nodding intently. “Right! Speaking of, Jimin, I heard you are leading a theater production all on your own.”

“A-Ah, just the choreography for the songs…” A small hand attempted to wave away Hoseok’s sudden unwavering excitement. “Really, it’s not that serious…”

“Yes, it is! A musical! With weeks and weeks of shows…!”

Yoongi avoided looking at his phone all night. He kept his eyes forward and focused on the conversation with his friends. If he didn’t, he would be stuck in his thoughts, wondering what all those nights really meant if all he had now was silence and a loveholic’s hangover he didn’t ask for.

-

“Oh, shit.”

Those were the first words you had spoken to a real, physical, in-the-flesh human being in a long time (Seokjin didn’t count). First words you had spoken all day, actually. Wait. Maybe you exclaimed out loud, you little fucker, get in the damn ball, earlier. Highly probable. No need to censor yourself when you were at home.

“You have left me on read for two weeks.”

“Oh… shit.”

After the shock had set in, the cold suddenly became apparent. It was winter, after all. Extra obvious by the snow on the ground and the big black parka the person outside your door was wearing, although the red flush around his neck and cheekbones was not from the icy breeze.

“Two weeks,” the man at your front door repeated with a growl, and he started advancing which, in most cases, would be a sign to call the police.

“Surely,” you sputtered, fumbling with your phone in your other hand, letting go of the knob because the screen was tab after open tab of various Pokédex entries of the Pokémon you were considering spending your previous in-game money on to make statistically perfect. Ahem, anyway, you hurriedly changed apps to your Messages app, your eyes widening as you saw the dates of your last messages.

Oh shit.

“Actually, it’s only been twelve days–”

“Twelve days of nothing,” he snapped, slamming closed your front door that you were honestly slightly grateful for. It was fuckin’ cold out there. “And what do I hear tonight? Just yesterday you were speaking to Jeon Jungkook on the phone.”

And, at this point, Min Yoongi got in your face.

You held your phone close to your purple sherpa pullover and stepped back as a stern, gracefully annoyed expression confronted you. Wild long black hair, furrowed eyebrows, and flashing dark eyes. Flushed pink lips twisted into irritation. Open jacket revealing his black sweater and light blue jeans, strange for such a cold night.

“Have you been drinking?” you observed, catching a whiff of his exhale.

“I’m not drunk,” Yoongi countered, backing up and scowling. “I was at Namjoon’s and then I remembered you lived nearby. So, I walked.”

“You… walked?”

“Yeah.”

You blinked slowly.

“Kim Namjoon… if you’re walking… that’s about an hour away….”

The scowl straightened out, leaving a stoic profile as Yoongi refused to look at you.

He grunted.

You were surprised.

“I… Jeon Jungkook called me.” You felt the sudden urge to fill the space of silence as the man before you kept his gaze at a firm ninety-degrees to the wall despite your face being right there. “He was worried about Seokjin, because he kept trying to call him. Seokjin had sent him a box of grapes from his uncle’s farm and Jungkook was trying to thank him via call because his mom told him he couldn’t simply text, but Seokjin wasn’t answering the calls and then Jungkook got worried so he called me since I have Seokjin’s family number but then I reminded Jungkook that that rich guy and his family went to a luxurious mountain resort to go skiing and wouldn’t be back until next weekend,” you finished in a jumbled mess of oversharing.

Silence.

You were highly aware that your Nintendo Switch was loudly playing the classic, cheery jingle of the Pokémon Center in your bedroom, echoing the bright notes throughout your apartment as, er, your possibly-soon-to-be-past fling? current interest? situation-ship? continued staring at the wall as if the paint was the one speaking to him.

To reiterate, you were surprised.

“I… I didn’t think you cared,” you explained, looking up at Yoongi.

He turned his head.

Looking down, black hair around his cheeks. Lashes lifting, slow motion, dark brown orbs raising, then the darkness was on you, and there was no anger, no malice, the heated air of his rash imposition fizzling out once your eyes connected.

His lips parted.

Nothing came out, as if he was about to say something emotional but then stopped himself. His brows knitted together, a moment of recollection, and then.

“Namjoon said I should be honest, so I’m here to tell you that you pissed me off by ignoring me,” he mumbled.

You blinked. Slowly, once again.

“O… Oh. I apologize.”

Silence except heartbeats.

Yoongi looked away.

You could piece the entire picture together now. Your eyes shifted, side to side, to his hands shoved in his jacket pockets, to the faint tint of pink around his ears and neck, to his relaxed shoulders and that tense heart, and you were surprised because Yoongi had always held himself with a devil-may-care attitude and straightforward bluntness. Not that you didn’t think there was more, but rather it seemed as if he didn’t want to address that under any circumstances and you had no need for more when you were your own happiness, and so you asked him another question.

“Is this you or the alcohol talking?”

Yoongi clicked his tongue and frowned, flickering glare meeting you. “Alcohol doesn’t make you a different person. I’m not someone else just because I had a few bottles with Namjoon. I have a high tolerance anyway.”

You smiled.

“I know. Wanted to make sure you were thinking the same thing I was.”

That was why Yoongi and you ended up in this situation. Because he seemed to always end up thinking the same thing you were. There wasn’t much discussion or mystery. There was you and there was him in the same place at the same time. Multiple times. Overlapping interests, but not all the same. Kept things interesting. Discovering you had the same core values and then the same kind of comfortable silence that turned into his hand on yours, experimental, are you thinking what I’m thinking, bodies closer, breath mixing, heads tilting, is it this?

Playing the game.

The Pokémon Center music faded out and then picked up again, always aggressively joyous, always ready to nurse your team back to full health.

You rubbed the back of your head sheepishly. “Hah… I’ve just… been playing the new Pokémon game came out recently, so I took time off to play it… thought I said…”

“You did say,” he interrupted.

Awkward pause.

“You did say,” and this time Yoongi sighed, suddenly smacking his palm into his forehead and rubbing it, mussing up his own hair. “You did say, and I believe everyone should enjoy something with the kind of passion you exhibit for your interests. I just wanted you to involve me even though I know nothing.”

You stared at him.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Why would I involve you in something you don’t care about?”

“I don’t care about it yet.”

“Why would you care about it?”

He flung his hand away from his face and scowled. “Are you an idiot?”

“Depends, are you confessing?”

Again, no one ever called you subtle.

Frigid embarrassment, and it wasn’t from you. Shocking. Suddenly your wall became irresistible to Yoongi’s eyeballs once more. You patiently waited.

“… No.”

“Ah. I see.”

You did see, straight through his bullshit.

Yoongi pursed his lips and gave you the side-eye. “I don’t want to play games.”

You shrugged. “Well, I do, because I’m a nerd, and I could make you a nerd too if you take off your shoes and come to the bedroom.” Chewed on your lip and felt that you should go back to being serious, at least for a moment. “I am sorry. I thought you would call me a kid, and I like you enough to not want you to be so ignorant, so I especially avoided speaking much about playing Pokémon. Honestly, I would rather hear you say that you don’t want to see me anymore than hear you talk shit about my cute pocket monster friends.”

Yoongi surprised you again.

He rolled his eyes.

“I don’t hate Pokémon. I used to watch the animation as a kid. I somewhat regret not being more into it, because then maybe you would have let me in a lot more if we had that common interest.”

You cocked an eyebrow.

“Putting your dick in my pussy is not letting you in a lot more?”

He raised an eyebrow back.

“You’re right. That was the alcohol talking,” he replied in a deadpan voice.

You smiled.

He smiled back. It did not seem like he wanted to and it did not seem like he could help himself either. What a predicament. You couldn’t relate.

“Do people like to tell you you’re difficult?” you asked with too much glee, unable to hide your amusement any longer.

The corner of his lips twitched. “All the fuckin’ time.”

You nodded knowingly. “Did you know we have that in common?”

He ticked his head at you, messy black hair over his cheeks and open-mouthed smirk. “Strangely enough, I seem to have learned that tonight.”

“I’m about to teach you a lot more, this time about Pokémon and not about how deep I can throat dick.”

“Consider giving me a supplemental lesson about the latter in the morning when I’m completely sober.”

“Hmm, I accept if can you listen without falling asleep.”

Yoongi eventually did fall asleep, but he did last three hours and retained most of the information in the morning despite being a drunk, ahem, not drunk (according to him) man confessing his feelings at your doorstep. In the future, once he had purchased his own game and was playing alongside you, he would insist that moment was not the one when he confessed, that he definitely confessed later (sober, mind you), and that he definitely did not purchase a Nintendo Switch and start studying the Pokédex more because of you (he had simply found the game a good way to wind down).

Games were just more fun to play now when he had a player two.

Yeah.

We know better.

--

masterpost

[fruity-phrog]

I am begging you, watch Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts.

This show is so slept on, but lemme tell you - it’s good. The show has a plethora of good racial, queer and neurodivergent representation, and it’s just good.

Legit none of the main characters are white. We have Kipo, the main, who is half-Black and half-Korean (ignore her pink skin) and her crew Benson and Wolf, who are both Black. Benson’s love interest is Latino/Asian. In fact, if I’m correct, the most important white character in the entire show is the main antagonist for season 3.  Edit: why the hell did I write black twice.

(Spoilers in this paragraph) A side character, Asher, who is in seasons 2 and 3, is canonically non-binary. I can’t remember if their pronouns are used in-show, but the creator confirmed it on Twitter. On top of this, Benson’s love interest I mentioned? Yeah, his name is Troy, and he’s canonically pansexual. On top of this, Benson actively comes out in an episode where Kipo asks him out; “I like you as a friend...because...I’m gay!” Very sweet episode.

While there are no canonical neurodivergent characters, Kipo is heavily adhd-coded. Wolf has clear trauma from her “family” and the abuse she went through. The show tackles racism (in a way), abandonment, betrayal, found family and healed trauma from families. 

Now the plot. The story is a refreshingly original tale of Kipo, a girl that lived in an underground city her whole life. This is because “the surface” has become overrun by “mutes”, animals that have doubled, tripled, quadrupled or plus in size. They can also think, talk and scheme - and they hate humans. However, when Kipo is thrown to the surface with no hope of getting back home, she has to work with what she’s got - which is a small but angry Wolf and a flaky but loyal Benson. And a whole lot of mutes that would like her head on a stick.

Last thing - the cast is actually pretty star-studded. Kipo is played by Karen Fukuhara (Kimiko Miyashiro, The Boys - Glimmer, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power - Katana, Suicide Squad). Seasons 1 and 2 antagonist Scarlamange is played by Dan Stevens (Matthew Crawley, Downtime Abbey - The Beast, Beauty and the Beast - Alexander Lemtov, Eurovision; the story of Fire Saga). And Dave is played by comedian Deon Cole, who was also in Black-ish at a point. Edit: probably the biggest name, at least to me, is the side character Lemieux, portrayed by Grey Griffin (Azula - Avatar, The Last Airbender, Moon and Jackie - SVTFOE, Ice Queen - Adventure Time, Masha - The Owl House, and many more).

Honestly, this show is so good. Please please please give it a shot. If you like Amphibia, The Owl House, Hilda or SPOP, watch it. 

Okay final edit I promise: The soundtrack fuckin slaps. Apologies to everyone in the tags pointing out that I missed it

[drpeppertummy]

how long have i been saying im gonna finish the val force feeding story. Seven Whole Pages my longest one yet featuring one of his past wives, also from hell, Set in hell circa Back In The Day

[brief hunger, consensual force feeding, stuffing, tummyache, tummy rubs]

Val looked up at his captor with big innocent eyes, batting his lashes sweetly as she paced around him like a hungry lioness. He was tied firmly to the chair, wrists pulled tightly behind the back and ankles bound to the legs, with a rope around his middle for good measure.

"What're you gonna do to me?"

"Feed you dinner," she purred, leaning down to face him. She was three feet taller than he was, with scales and horns and claws and wonderfully sharp fangs. Her fierce gaze was met with a puppydog stare.

"That all?"

"That's all." Grinning widely, she tapped his nose with one of her long claws, and he returned the smile.

Val knew there must be some sort of twist to the dinner situation, he just wasn't sure what it was. Steth was the kind of woman who was into just about anything. Fortunately, just about anything was exactly what he was willing to try. They'd been together for about thirty years--this length would go on to be only a tiny snippet of their marriage--and she had still yet to run out of ideas.

Steth slipped out of the room, and Val's stomach growled in anticipation as he waited patiently for her to return. She'd instructed him to skip lunch that day, and it was late in the evening now, just about the time they'd normally eat. Listening, Val heard the familiar click of her claws on the stone floor, and Steth entered the room once more, now holding a multitude of plates and bowls in her four arms. So there was the catch. Her goat-like ears flicked approvingly at the sound of his belly rumbling again, and she smiled.

"Hungry?"

"Starving."

"Good," she grinned, her sharp teeth glittering in the lamplight. With a clawed foot, she grabbed the table and pulled it up behind Val's chair, then set out the array of dishes on it. He couldn't see what was on it, but a mixture of pleasant smells wafted around him. He thought he could make out the scent of fish, but the rest all blended together into an unidentifiable but delicious aroma, and his stomach let out a whiny growl.

"Patience, beautiful," teased Steth, running a blade-like fingertip along Val's tummy. He shivered at the tickling sensation. She stood before him, then slowly, almost tauntingly, she reached past him to pick up the first plate. As she brought it forward, he saw the fish he'd smelled, a sizeable, meaty fish found in the deep streams of lava in their local region of Hell. It had been cooked whole, minus the armor-like scales that protected it from the heat, and glazed with a sweet-smelling sauce. His mouth watered at the sight of it. Steth scooped up a forkful of the flaky meat and brought it almost to his lips, then paused, pulling back. He looked up at her, puppy-eyed.

"Are you sure you're hungry?"

"Steth, you're killing me!"

"I just want to make sure," she said innocently. "I wouldn't want to go giving you a tummyache, you know."

"I'm starving," he groaned, and his stomach growled desperately in agreement. Steth laughed, a low, throaty sound which Val absolutely adored.

"I suppose that's proof enough," she said, and she fed him the first bite of fish. Val wasn't sure if it was just how hungry he was or if it really was that good, but that first bite was the best thing he'd tasted in ages, and for a moment his eyes fluttered shut in absolute bliss. Steth giggled and leaned down to plant a kiss on his cheek.

"You're adorable," she said.

"You're an incredible cook," Val responded, still dazed with pleasure. "And beautiful."

"There's plenty more where that came from." Steth brought another forkful to his mouth, and then another, and another. Bite by bite, she fed him the entire fish, occasionally running a hand over his belly to gauge how full he was. His hunger slowly melted into comfortable satisfaction as he ate, and by the time the skeleton of the fish was picked clean, he was pleasantly stuffed. Steth rubbed his full belly with two hands as she leaned over him to set the plate back on the table.

"Still hungry?"

"Should I be?" Val smiled cheekily up at her.

"You better be, because that was just the start." She gave his belly a gentle squeeze. It poked out slightly, and it was all she could do not to untie him and scoop him into her arms then and there. She had to be as patient as he'd been, though; there was still much to be done. Still leaning over him, she nuzzled his thick, dark hair, then straightened up once more with a new plate in her hand.

Val wasn't particularly hungry anymore; the fish was big and had filled him up nicely. His appetite was far from gone, though, and he was certainly not opposed to the idea of eating more, although, thinking about the amount of dishes Steth had brought out, he wondered how long he'd last before having to tap out. Right now, though, the plate before him held one of his greatest weaknesses: raw red meat.

"You don't really like this, do you?" Steth teased, tickling at his slightly rounded tummy with one clawed finger as she held the plate in front of him.

"I've been known to try a bite once in a while," he said, and she laughed.

"Once in a while, huh?" She skewered a dripping chunk with a long claw and waved it before his face, amused by the way his big dark eyes followed it. She brought it towards his mouth, then, just as she had with the fish, pulled it back.

"I don't know," she said, lightly running her fingers across his cheek. "That was a pretty big fish for a little critter like you. Aren't you full?"

"Oh, Steth," he whined, his eyes pleading, and she gave in. Smiling, she let him pull the meat from her claw. A drop of juice trickled down his chin, and she gently swiped it up and licked it from her finger. She brought another piece to his lips, and he took it in his teeth with a soft hum of pleasure.

"I think this is my favorite of your ideas yet," he said, swallowing and smiling up at her. She laughed.

"I thought you'd like it," she said, returning the smile.

"And how are you liking it?"

"Just as much as you," she purred, feeding him another chunk of meat.

"Oh?" He looked curiously up at her. His stomach gurgled softly as he swallowed.

"You're just so cute when you're full," she said, running her hand up and down the side of his belly. He shuddered at the pleasant feeling. He was indeed getting very full, and his belly poked out considerably now, bulging against the rope tied snugly around his middle. He supposed that rope would start to get uncomfortable if he ate much more, but right now it was just a small pressure against his stomach.

Fortunately, the amount of meat was less than the fish, and it wasn't long before that plate, too, was empty and his belly was twice as full as it had been before. He let his head fall back with a sigh. His belly was straining against the rope and the waist of his pants now, firm and taut and round, but it didn't quite ache. The warm weight of all the meat in his stomach was comfortable, actually.

Steth reached past him to set the plate down, and this time she came back empty-handed. Smiling, she pulled up a chair of her own and sat down in front of him. Two of her hands cupped his bloated tummy, gently rubbing along the solid curve of it, slipping underneath his sweater to caress the taut, hairy skin. Another hand reached up to stroke his dark, wavy hair, and he couldn't help but purr at the pleasant sensations. The fourth hand rubbed his thigh teasingly.

"How do you feel now?"

"Stuffed," he sighed, and he meant it. He knew he would be able to eat more, but we wasn't sure how much, and the rope around his belly was beginning to grow uncomfortably tight.

"Think you can fit a little more?" Steth pressed gently into his belly as she rubbed, coaxing up a small burp.

"For you, I think I can."

"You're a doll," she smiled. She massaged his bulging tummy for a few moments longer, then reached past him once again to retrieve a new dish, a bowl this time. Looking into it, Val saw that it was filled with chunks of a spicy root vegetable native to Hell, and his appetite began to perk back up. The spice level of this particular vegetable would be nearly intolerable to a human, but to Val, it was perfect. Still, it was a big bowl, and he didn't think his stuffed belly could fit the whole thing.

"Hope you're not too full yet," said Steth, dipping her fork into the bowl and feeding him a bite. He let out another little hum of pleasure at the flavor, but his stomach groaned uncomfortably as more was pushed into it. It took only a few bites more to push him into the realm of discomfort, and his stomach began to ache as it stretched tighter. Steth didn't let up, though, and kept going until the bowl was empty.

The rope was pressing tightly into his skin now, and he was sure there would be a deep red mark across his belly when the evening was through. His stomach felt taut and strained, struggling against everything that had been forced into it, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying in vain to find a position that would ease the pressure in his distended belly.

"I don't think I can eat any more," he confessed. He forced up another quiet burp, followed by a soft grunt of discomfort.

"Oh, poor sweetheart," said Steth, setting the bowl down and returning her big warm hands to his tummy. He arched his back slightly, trying to press his belly against her hands, and she smiled. Gently, she began massaging once more, rubbing the taut curve jutting out just beneath his ribs. She pulled up his sweater, struggling to inch it up from under the rope but finally freeing it to expose his entire belly. She gazed admiringly at his belly for a moment, taking in the beautiful roundness of it, the uncomfortable bulge of his sides, the strained rise and fall of his breath. Then, she leaned down and planted a kiss on his tight upper belly, and then another, and another, until the entire surface was covered with the tingle of invisible kiss marks.

"Don't you think you can try a little more?" She looked up at him, gently rubbing his sides. "For me?" Val looked down at her and was immediately entranced by her gaze. His stomach was just about at its limit, but he couldn't say no to her.

"For you, I'll try," he agreed. She smiled brightly up at him, then sat upright, took his chin in her hand, and kissed him on the lips. He melted into the kiss and was disappointed when she pulled away to find the next dish. He craned his neck to kiss hers as she leaned past him, then tried to nip at her arm.

"You better quit it," she giggled, giving him a gentle thump on the belly.

"Oof," he groaned, wincing. "Mean." There was no bitterness behind the word, only affection, and she kissed him on the cheek as she righted herself with a new dish. He was relieved to see that it was smaller than the last few.

"I'll go easy on you with this one," she said, sticking the fork into the bowl and pulling out a piece of fruit. That was a relief as well; he was still stuffed beyond words, but at least fruit would be a light course. She brought the fork to his mouth, and, reluctantly but obediently, he ate.

Val's stomach grew tighter with each bite, and it gurgled unhappily as it strained to hold onto everything inside it. The rope was very uncomfortable now, and it ached as his belly pressed into it with each breath. The waist of his pants was becoming too much as well, and the fabric creaked as the pressure beneath it grew.

"Wait," he gasped suddenly, turning his head away as Steth tried to push another forkful into his mouth.

"What is it?"

"Can you unbutton my pants? Please," he begged, looking pleadingly up at her. Steth raised her eyebrows, then looked down, quietly considering the way his belly bulged uncomfortably against his pants. He fidgeted in his seat.

"Alright," she said finally, reaching down with her free hands. She had to pull the waist of his pants tighter to get enough slack to undo the button, and a quiet moan escaped him as she did, followed by a sigh of relief when she let go. It helped a little bit, but the rope was still overbearingly uncomfortable, and even without it, his belly was stuffed to the point of aching.

"I'll tell you what," she proposed, and he looked up attentively. "We'll finish this bowl, and then I'll untie that rope around your tummy."

"Deal," he said eagerly.

"But," she continued, holding up a finger. "After that, it's time for dessert." Val wasn't quite as thrilled about that as he was at the idea of releasing his distended belly from its constraints. He supposed he could turn her down and tap out, but he hated the idea of disappointing her when they were so close to concluding her activity. He considered the alternative. A little more fruit and dessert couldn't be so bad. Even on a painfully overstuffed belly, Val had a strong sweet tooth, and he could always be talked into dessert. He decided to push on.

"Alright," he agreed. Steth smiled and leaned in to kiss him again.

"You're a sweetheart," she said, touching her nose against his before sitting up and bringing the fork back to his mouth.

The bowl of fruit was small, but it didn't go down easy. Val's stomach was so stuffed that he found it difficult to force any more into it. He let out a quiet moan of discomfort as Steth pushed another bite into his mouth, and his belly groaned in protest as he swallowed it down. Finally, the fruit was gone, and Val felt ready to burst.

"Good job," said Steth, impressed. "That's an awful lot in that little tummy. You still want me to get rid of that rope?"

"Please," he groaned, letting his head fall back.

"Are you sure? It might be the only thing holding you together," she teased.

"Please," he begged, looking urgently up at her.

"Oh, alright," she giggled, and, with a quick slice of her razor-sharp claw, the rope fell to the floor. Val let out a heavy sigh of relief. A sore red imprint streaked across his round belly, and Steth rubbed it gently. His stomach felt unbelievably tight under her hand, and for a moment she wondered whether going through with dessert would be too much for her little husband. He was, after all, considerably smaller than she was, and she had a tendency to overestimate how much his tummy could hold.

"Think you can still hold up your end of the deal?" She rubbed her hand in slow circles over his bulging stomach, and his eyes fell shut at the soothing touch.

"I'll try," he said. "For you."

"You're the best," she said, kissing his belly as she rubbed his sides.

"If I say stop, though, you gotta stop, otherwise that's gonna be the end of me," he said with a weak chuckle.

"Deal."

Dessert was a big slice of pie, and Val perked up a little at the sight of it, although he had absolutely no space left to fit it in. Still, when Steth brought a forkful to his mouth, he obediently opened up and ate for her. He almost couldn't bring himself to swallow, but swallow he did, and he felt his stomach stretch further to accommodate the new addition. He didn't think it could stretch much more. He let her feed him another bite, and then another, but when she brought the next to his mouth, he turned away, still struggling to force down the last mouthful. Finally, he swallowed with a thick gulp.

"I can't," he groaned, looking defeated. "I can't eat any more." Steth nodded and set the plate back on the table.

"You did so good for me, sweetheart," she said, placing two of her hands on his drum-tight belly and reaching around with the other two to untie his wrists. His arms fell limp by his sides as they were freed, then, weakly, he reached up to wrap them around her. His belly pressed against hers as he hugged her, and she could feel the strained digestive gurgles rumbling through it.

"I can't believe how stuffed you are." She reached down to cut the rope from his ankles, planting another kiss on his belly as she did, right on the painful red mark crossing it.

"Well, you're very persuasive," said Val, clinging to her again as she righted herself. He nuzzled his face against her neck, planting a small kiss before laying his head wearily on her shoulder.

"I don't suppose you're up for anything else," she teased, running her fingers through his hair.

"God, no," he moaned, and she laughed. Gently, she scooped him up in her arms, scattering a series of kisses over the taut skin of his belly before carrying him bridal style back to their room. She laid him down on their bed and then climbed in beside him, tenderly rubbing his tummy.

"I'll pay you back tomorrow, though," he said, smiling slyly at her.

"Promise?"

"Promise," he said, and they kissed once more.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Also, time loop fic??? ➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰

Hell yeah! 48 for ➰:

(tagging @steadfastsaturnsrings )

---

“Okay, my love. In an hour.”

Buck’s cheeks flush a warm, content red. My love. He doesn’t think Eddie has ever called him that before. He likes it quite a bit. 

➰

It’s after seven by the time they make it back to their hotel, shower and change, and walk to the little restaurant next door for dinner. Eddie drove again. Buck is still feeling wiped. Like they could have left him on that beach to hibernate. He almost feels like he took nighttime cough syrup. Like he’s just the tiniest bit removed from the world, sleepy and heavy. 

“You okay, Buck?” Chris asks as they sit down in the little seafood restaurant. “You look sort of spacy.”

Eddie looks between Buck and his son, lips pressed into a tight line.

“I feel sort of spacy,” Buck admits. “Just tired, I think.”

“Food will help,” Eddie says. 

Buck nods. “Good idea. And I’ll avoid the beer tonight.” 

“Smart,” Eddie replies. There’s a strange hitch to his voice. Buck’s not sure what’s on his mind. 

By the time their food gets to them, it’s practically eight. Buck has downed a few glasses of water, but it’s not sitting quite right in his stomach. His hands feel a bit wobbly as he cuts into his sea bass. The medicinal-like numbness that he has been feeling has transformed to a pins and needles sort of feeling across his extremities. 

Buck’s hand is shaking a tiny bit when he shoves the forkful of fish into his mouth. Maybe his blood sugar is low? Has he had enough protein today? He can’t really remember what he’s had to eat. 

The strangest thing, though, is when the fish touches his tongue, Buck doesn’t taste a thing. He feels the texture, the flaky soft meat and greasy cooking oils. He looks at the dish in front of him. Sees the evidence of various spices and garnishes. He can’t smell them. 

Buck looks at Eddie. Eddie, who is already watching him. His eyes are narrowed. Focused. Intense. 

Buck locks in on Eddie’s face, but the rest of the room seems to be spinning around them.

“Eddie…”

[theyanderespecialist]

Her Hellhound (Headcanons) Yandere Carmilla Carmine X Male Hellhound Reader (Hazbin Hotel)

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! I am here with another chapter! This one is Yandere Carmilla Carmine X Hellhound male Reader headcanons and maybe more! Now let's do this! Please enjoy this!] 

(Disclaimer: Carmilla Carmine is not yandere in canon! This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine! Just do not be illegal or gross about it! You know who you are! You dirty, Flaky, Biscuits! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life. Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!) 

-Yandere Headcanons With Carmilla Carmine X Male Hellhound Reader- 

.Carmilla did not have a problem with hell hounds persay.  .She did not feel one way about them or the other. 

.They were just there and sometimes even worked for her as guards for her. 

.She does not hate them for who or what they are, but she has never really thought about them more than guards or employees. 

.Sometimes she has seen them as dogs, because of the way society portrays them, but that was rare. 

.Then she met you, a hellhound male that was looking for work. 

.She was taken aback by who you were and what she felt for you. 

.Such a handsome man, and such a strong man. 

.She hired you as a personal bodyguard for herself and sometimes her daughter.s 

.You did not fail her, and she noticed how you put your life on the line even against heaven's angles to protect her daughters. 

.This made her see you in a very high light. 

.She trusts you with secrets and knows that you are loyal to her. 

.She would trust her girls with you as well, knowing that they are safe with you. 

.She loves you like she has loved no other.  .Of course, she knows that her love for you is fleeting, as you are a hellhound and not immortal like her. 

.Even if you aged slowly there was still the difference that you would age and one day die. 

.She hates that with all her heart, cause she knows one day that time will come when your life ends and she will continue on. 

.So for this she makes every moment count. 

.She is the type of yandere that would spend all this time with you treasuring all the time she can spend with you.  .Cherishing it, and cherishing you. 

.She would love to find a way to make you immortal, but she knows that that is not in the cards. 

.So she is not going to spend all that time researching it when she can make all the memories she can with you. 

.With rivals she is protective of you and can play the ownership card. 

.She sees that you are hers and her rivals have no chance at you cause by hell's laws she owns you. 

.So if rivals tried anything she would pull out that she technically owns you and they can back the fuck off. 

.If the rivals do not back off then, well they are as good as dead because she is the top weapon arms dealer in hell and NO ONE is taking her man away from her! 

.She would love to also have her kids see you as their dad and let you help in the parenting. 

.She wants to share her life with you and all it entails. 

.She would also want to marry you and make you her husband, not giving a fuck about what other overlords or Lucifer say. 

.She is going to spend every moment she can to make a life worth remembering with you. 

.She is the type of yandere that can seem a bit cold and calculating. 

.But also the yandere that loves with all her heart and would bear whatever storm comes her way to keep you the man of dreams, and her future husband safe. 

.She is a very protective yandere that will be your armor and will be your sword to protect and defend you with her life. 

.She is not some damsel in distress she Is a brave yandere that will fight to the death to protect you her man, just as she would to protect her daughters. 

.She would confess to you after you two had been dating for some time. 

.If you accept her love she is so happy she may just cry tears of joy, because unlike you she is a sinner she was sent to live in hell, and you were born in hell. 

.You are something that is good in soul while she earned her place in hell. 

.If you turn her down she is not mad, she is not upset, she is not hurt. 

.It just means she has to try harder to earn your love. 

.She will not punish you, or hurt you, or kidnap you. 

.She is a fair yandere. 

.But MAN OH MAN! You better not cheat on her or tell her you are already seeing someone! Because she is still a yandere. She would make sure your partner is dealt with. 

.And she will make it so that you had no idea that it was her. 

.In her mind she is the only one good enough for you, and she will earn your love, but she is not going to let anyone else get in the way of her earning your love, you can count on that! 

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Another chapter is done! I hope you all enjoyed this and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!] 

[oskarpaffzz]

I'm thinking about shifty x mime because of the experience of some text roleplay, thanks to which I became interested in this ship and found one artist drawing this ship (maybe they know that I'm talking about them now🫢)

lifty x flaky is still my main otp and hyperfixation, but sometimes you remember how much you love other htf characters and their relationships, and therefore you want to talk more about them, arousing interest in them from the rest of the fanbase

being in this fandom for a year and knowing the web series almost from school years, this place became my home, so it's not surprising that many characters and ships with their participation won my attention, fueling the desire to consume more content on my favorite hp

I also want to thank my friends, especially zech, sasha and alice for spending time together in the happy tree friends fandom. even if you're not really into this fandom, I still appreciate every roleplay, fanart, and other type of content we've done together. it's nice that my interests are supported by close people who do not let me despair for a second!!! I'm also talking about the content with shifty x mime (sachie, I'm still rereading our posts xp).

well, just thank you to all of ccll for making me still feel alive. I am no less grateful to the fanbase, which does not let the fandom die. You are all very cool guys, keep developing <3

and yeah, most likely there will be no fewer blogs about my life, because one way or another I want to be known not only as a loser artist, but also as a person, and be closer to those who follow my activities. and there are also possible posts not in eng, since I am from the CIS.

@zechcoro @patimakerr @palachevskaya

I love uuu ccll !!!

(dunno why the hell I'm posting that >_<)

[lizard-shifter-noms]

Still Subject to Change Chapter 21 (NEW)

——————————————————————————-

Hello everyone! i decided to repost arc 1 of SSTC

(the chapters were way too long and had a bunch of typos but hopefully this will make reading easier)

this Story contains Vore, Dont like dont read.

if there are still any grammatical errors i’m sorry.

——————————————————————————

The armored man sighed and then turned to me.

“Do you want to join too?

Might be good to have someone big on the team”

It was nice that he had said someONE and not someTHING i gave him that, but for now I went over to Neas’ group before bending down so that Robin could climb off of me.

I would not drag the little ginger with me, and I better tell him to stay away too.

So i turned to the little rusthead, and Arthur too who was standing next to him.

“I think it might be better if you stay away a bit, we have no idea what’s on the other side of the wall and I don’t want you to get hurt.

So please backtrack a bit? Just so I don’t have to worry and can focus on this okay?”

He nodded and Arthur put an arm around his shoulder like an older brother, squishing the smaller into his side.

“I’m going with him, in case there’s some other threat, also having someone to talk to might be nice”

I nodded thankfully at him and he dragged Robin away after the little redhead gave me a big hug.

Oakley also joined my group, still holding that weird magic item.

The item itself was spinning way faster around itself than in the castle.

So maybe that’s how you were supposed to tell if magic was near?

No matter, now we had to face whatever was causing this, and we didn’t even know what it was.

It could be a person or an animal, it could also be a cursed item or something unknown from deep underground that crawled out of the mines.

I really hoped it was not the last option.

No matter what it ended up being, I made myself ready to toss whatever it was into a wall like I had done to the manticore that attacked Arthur so long ago.

Huh, that really was almost a month ago now.

We stood ready behind the wall and Nea gave the sign to go around it.

I stayed back a little, if it was just an item I didn’t want to step on it, if it was an inexperienced magic user I didn’t want to scare them.

On the other side of the wall was neither, The only thing I saw was a person in a bright blue robe with his hood up that was holding a staff that looked like it was made from some twisted root with an ice blue gem at the top.

The Gem looked like the wood had grown around it and was emitting a weird light that almost seemed flaky in nature.

What the hell was going on here?

Before I could dwell on it I heard Norrin call out to the hooded man.

“Stop right where you are! You are under arrest!”

The figure turned to face his group and put down the hood of his robe, revealing a man that had a pale blue beard that matched his hair.

That was not a normal hair color and his skin was weirdly pale too, almost sickly and gray.

He also had no eyes, just a black void where they were supposed to be.

What the hell?

He opened his Mouth to speak and I could see two fangs sticking out, like a venomous snake.

“Ahh humans, pathetic creatures finally figured out who was causing the snow i see.

But you’re too late! I will not call off the spell, the payment I will get from killing the royal bloodline in this land is greater than anything you pathetic creatures could offer me!”

Wow what an asshole, and he said he was paid to do this? Who was cruel enough to do that? And why?

Suddenly Oakley was on my side, the one hidden from that man-thing.

“Vampire ice mage, stay away from it i’ll try to come up with a solution on what to do”

And as quickly as he had appeared he was gone again, ducked behind a wall and out of sight.

I really hoped he could figure something out, also i had always thought Vampires weren’t real so what was one doing here?

Apparently causing a fucking ice age, i was tempted to step up and smash this fucker into a wall but Oakley had said to stay away.

And at this point Norrin had demanded to know who sent the vampire.

“Who sent you to do this? Are you aware of all the innocent you are endangering? What do they even offer?

Besides, you succeeded already! The old king is dead! Pneumonia from the cold took his life a few days ago!”

The ice mage didn’t seem convinced by this and instead sent a blast of ice towards Norrins group.

They all managed to dodge it but I realized why exactly Oakley had told me to stay away, not from the vampire but the staff.

That thing could turn me into an ice cube in seconds.

The vampire aimed his staff again, and blasted a hole through the wall.

I was now very glad I had told Robin and Arthur to go hide a bit further away.

But now the guy was starting to just blast randomly at everything that moved and everyone had to dodge the chaotic array of ice blasts and who knew what else that staff did.

“The King? Dead? HAH!

If he was dead then the public would have been informed already!

The royals always do that! So the people in their domain know they have to grieve!

I do not believe you! Get out of hiding and fight like a man!”

A Rock hit the side of his face coming from behind one of the walls.

There was also a loud shout of someone familiar.

“I’M NOT A MAN YA WRETCHED SONOVABITCH!”

Nea had to dodge the resulting blast from the staff for this one, and only barely missed it.

Then there was a second blast, and another, Nea must have pissed him off big time.

She managed to dodge it each time until her coat snagged on a branch.

For a few seconds I feared I would see her die as the vampire sent of another blast.

Only for it to be deflected by the shiny inner side of a thrown helmet So that it only grazed her foot.

Just being grazed was apparently already enough to do a big amount of damage as she howled in pain and clutched her foot with a pained hiss.

The vampire held up its staff triumphantly.

“This is the best you have? A woman that throws rocks? I had really believed the royal guard to be better than this!”

From the sidelines Nea hissed at him.

“We are just humans! We don’t have this fancy bullshit ya do! If ya want a fair fight, set that staff aside and we duke it out with our fists!”

God Nea, please stop making this worse!

She couldn’t really think that would work did she?

Besides, her foot was injured, she couldn’t win like that.

“Duke it out? HAH! While you might believe that it would be an equal fight, I have to disagree! You humans might think that you are so high and mighty that you don’t even realize how weak you actually are!

You and your kin might think that you are the greatest but I beg to differ-!”

Before he could finish his rant metal spikes jutted out from his chest, effectively silencing him and he stared at it in shock, the staff dropping from his hands and clattering to the floor.

Ducking out from under the wall I saw Oakley standing behind the mage, one foot held against his back and I realized that he had impaled the Vampire using some sort of weird gauntlet that made the claws on his birdlike feet longer.

The puncture wounds almost formed a perfect circle even, and I noticed that while the Vampire grasped for breath he wasn’t actually bleeding.

Could Vampires bleed? I didn’t even know they actually existed before today, also it sure looked painful.

Oakley himself leaned forward to be next to the guy’s ear, baring his teeth, not in a smile but to show off his fangs in a snarl.

And then he quietly hissed at the mage in a tone colder than the entire environment.

“Then Beg”

Oakley yanked and the sharp spikes vanished from the chest of the Vampire as it fell limply to the ground with a dull thud.

I could also see Oakley holding something pale that had a purplish red liquid on it.

He had ripped the Vampires spine out, or at least part of it and was still holding it in his weird claw knife contraption.

At this point I was glad I didn’t need to eat as I was sure I would have vomited otherwise.

He then picked up the magical staff that had fallen to the floor and examined it before tapping it twice on the ground gem first.

It had already gotten noticeably warmer since the ice mage died but whatever Oakley was doing with it now accelerated it and I could see the snow melting around me.

Oakley was ignored for the moment as everyone came out from cover and made sure that the entire division survived and nobody aside from Nea got hit with an ice blast.

I could see some Guards immediately rushing to get to Nea who insisted she was fine.

She was not fine, her foot looked like it had been dipped in a swamp and left to rot, I hoped that was fixable.

I turned away from the woman that already had way too many people looking after her to find Rikaad.

I hadn’t seen him since the mage had randomly shot ice blasts around so I was very worried.

It took me a few seconds to spot the armorless man standing on a small rock and I immediately went over to him, momentarily forgetting that I didn’t have hands at the moment and was way too big as I tried to go in for a hug.

I remembered a few seconds later that I wasn’t bipedal right now but I couldn’t stop, the muddy ground made me slide the rest of the way and I ended up softly headbutting the poor human.

He took it in stride, I gave him that, by patting my ear and smiling softly.

He didn’t even lose balance on his little boulder.

“I’m also glad that you are alright, god knows Robin would never have stopped crying”

I just huffed, Rikaad was alright that was all that mattered right now.

Even if his jokes were awful, his sense of humor was very, Well, not there really.

As for everyone else, well except Nea, nobody got injured as far as i knew.

Rikaad tapped at my leg and pointed over to Oakley who was sitting on a broken wall, still messing with the magic staff.

“What do you think he’s doing? I do not want him to somehow blow himself up with it”

A valid concern when looking at how Oakley handled the thing, he was even twirling it in his fingers like parade staff.

Yeah that didn’t look safe at all, we better interrupt that.

“Maybe we should just ask? He can’t continue to mishandle the thing if he’s talking to someone right?”

Rikaad nodded and went over to the winged madman and I slowly followed him over the muddy ground.

About not even halfway to Oakley we were joined by Norrin who immediately started fretting over Rikaad.

He sometimes acted as if the black haired human wasn’t perfectly capable of handling himself.

“Sire? Are you alright? When we lost sight of you I got immensely worried! Do you need any help? Medical supplies? A-”

His worried rambling was cut off by Rikaad himself.

“I am fine, thank you for asking, but i would like to speak to Oakley now, i have some questions for him”

“Ah, of course sir”

Norrin stepped out of the way as fast as he could without tripping.

I didn’t know what to think of the man.

On one hand he was the royal headguard, not a title that was easily achievable, on the other hand he acted like a worried uncle that had lost the kid they were supposed to babysit.

He was well meaning enough, even if he had a stick up his ass, though he was probably just following some protocol.

The worry in his voice was very real though, and I could tell he tried his best.

Turning to look at Oakley I saw that he was still manhandling the staff by testing out how much the wood could bend.

That mad fucker!

“Oakley! What the fuck? Stop!

That thing is gonna explode or something!”

He turned to face us after I spoke.

“Hmm? No this isn’t gonna explode don’t worry!

It’s more likely to implode really”

As if that was any better at all, and what the fuck did implode even mean?

“But really, I know what I’m doing! Don’t worry!

I’m just inspecting how well made the staff is, Besides, as long as nothing happens to the gem it will be fine!”

As if to prove his words he twirled the staff around with his two pronged tail and then held the end with the gem over a little puddle of melted snow, freezing it instantly.

“I might not have an affinity for ice magic but I know how to use a magic staff, if anything I should be worried about anyone else getting their hands on this! Who knows what would happen!

If the gem explodes then you have an even worse problem than before!”

Even worse? Oh man, this cold had already been near unbearable, I didn’t dare imagine what could be even worse.

Rikaad stared at the staff intently for a few seconds before speaking.

“If it is that dangerous, where do you suggest it should be kept?

I do not want some thief to send us into an eternal winter”

Oakley cocked his head in that eerie birdlike manner.

“I think i’ll just hide it with my other stuff, nobody ever found that, nobody can unless they are me as there are various magic wards in place that only allow me passage”

Of course he would have something like that, why the hell not, but if it really was that good of a hiding place then why was the bracelet stolen?

Or the trinket wasn’t in that stash in the first place seeing as Oakley thought anyone using it would just die.

Well the thief did die, a few hundred miles away from his shack and I ended up finding it.

What a weird world we were living in.

Rikaad just nodded to Oakleys words, and the winged man was right, if it was kept in the castle someone WOULD steal it, That was only a matter of time.

“If you are sure you can keep it safe then go ahead, but please stop manhandling it in front of everyone, they are nervous enough as it is after all of this”

Oakley nodded and stopped messing with the staff, switching to hold it securely in his tail instead.

He hopped down from the broken wall he had sat on and landed on one leg.

Looking down as to why he did that and making sure he wasn’t injured I could see he was still wearing the knife glove thing.

He was also still holding the vampire’s spine and it took everything in me not to dry heave at the sight.

Instead my pouch started itching again now that the adrenaline from the fight had subsided and I decided to simply look away from him.

Instead I found myself looking at the rest of the Vampire’s corpse.

I turned my head around so fast that I could have sworn I heard my neck make a cracking noise.

The sight of the lifeless pale body lying face down on the ground with a horrible hole torn into the back that leaked the purplish red liquid would haunt me in my nightmares I was sure.

It really did look like Oakley had shredded everything around the pieces of bone he had ripped out, and I quickly excused myself to dry heave behind a wall where no one could see.

Yeah, I was really glad I didn’t eat, anymore at least, but the dry heaving upset my pouch and it hurt an awful lot.

I hoped I hadn’t ripped any stitches as repairing that would be impossible, especially with all the people that were in and around the castle.

I sat down where I was, leaving the guards and everyone else to sort themselves out, I would just patiently wait until moving wasn’t irritating my pouch so much.

Despite living on the streets i had only ever seen a total of two corpses, My own Mother after she passed from disease, And the man that got thrown into the crab tank,

who then was fished out again days later as a skeleton with only some pieces of cloth and meat on it.

But none of them had looked as horrible as the dead Vampire, Oakley was thorough in killing the thing I gave him that.

But i still wished i hadn’t seen that, that would haunt me for sure.

At the sound of footsteps from behind me I turned to look at who was approaching me.

I had expected Rikaad or maybe even that Arthur and Robin had come looking for all of us, but I had not expected that it was Norrin.

The royal head guard had some mud on his armor and his hair had come loose from the bun he’d made, but he looked concerned at me, not caring about being caked in dirt from dodging the ice blasts.

“Are you alright? I saw you vanish behind a wall pretty quickly after you spoke with the winged man”

How was I supposed to answer that? After seeing a torn apart corpse of something that should not exist, at least anymore, I was definitely not okay.

I suppressed another wave of nausea at the memory.

“I’m- Oakley- he just, fuck, i never want to see a spine outside of a body ever again”

“First time seeing a dead body?”

I shook my head at his question.

“Technically third, but this is definitely the worst”

He walked over to me and stared me right in the face, his light indigo blue eyes a bit too close.

“I’m not going to tell you that seeing dead bodies gets any better, you just get more desensitized and numb to such stuff.

I’ll be honest, if someone wasn’t having a bad reaction to seeing that up close I’d be more worried than if the person was just sneaking off to throw up behind a wall.

I wasn’t sure what to think about you when I first saw you standing behind the new king, but now i think you are even more human than some of the other people i met, even if you are big, green and furry.

Though why the fuck are you green? you’re not a plant, … right?”

I had to laugh a bit at the last part, technically no, i was not a plant but i could draw energy from sunlight like one, and it was nice hearing him tell me that while he had no idea what to think of me at first wasn’t opposed to try and help me when he saw that i wasn’t so well.

“No i’m not a plant, but i can use sunlight as energy like one”

He looked surprised for a second and then smiled.

“Well that is going to save you a lot of money i guess, Do you feel a bit better now? I think we should all head back.

No doubt there’s going to be some celebration about the weird magic winter ending and i’d like to wash the mud off first”

He scratched a bit of the dried mud off that caked one of his arm plates and shook the resulting dust off.

I had to sneeze as some of it got into my nose.

“ACHOO”

Norrin had ducked down and covered his ears at the noise but stood back up again after he was sure I wouldn’t sneeze a second time.

“Hell, i think my eardrums popped”

I used a paw to rub at my twitching nose that still tingled a bit.

The sneeze had made my organs squish into each other and now my pouch was aching a bit.

I must have pulled some of the stitches a bit somehow, whatever, that would subside with time.

“Sorry, but i think i’m alright now, let’s go back im sick of this mud”

I stood back up and followed Norrin back to the group.

When not in the presence of Rikaad he was a pretty alright guy, Seemed that he only acted like he had a stick up his ass when a higher ranking person was around.

In the background I could see Nea loudly complaining and demanding someone give her the helmet back.

Norrin saw it also and looked at me.

“Never cross her the wrong way, she can and will end you, I just wish she wasn’t the most difficult person in the division”

The last part did sound like he had dealt with a lot already regarding her, and after what happened today and the courage she’s shown I did not doubt that she was very capable of fighting.

Or just running blindly into danger, after the drake story, who i still wasn’t sure if i believed it, that might just be what she always does.

Norrin went over to her regardless and picked the now deformed helmet from the ground where it had landed after it deflected the ice.

As soon as the armor piece was handed to her she hit him with it loudly stating that she did not need to be carried back along with a string of curses i had never heard before and was not going to repeat.

“I don’t need ta be carried like some dumb Damsel in distress! Just gimme something I can use as a crutch! I’ll be fine! Stop fussing over me ya wanker!”

She was not fine, her foot still looked like her shoe had rotted onto it and I doubted she’d make it far even with crutches.

I had to admit that I was impressed though, not by her hitting Norrin with the helmet but for the fact that she didn’t shed a single tear.

I was pretty sure if that had happened to me I would be screaming and crying in panic, which probably would just make it worse.

Nea however was just hitting people with her deformed helmet and hissing at them that she didn’t need to be carried back and plainly refused help all together.

Suddenly Rikaad was back at my side, he was a very silent walker and I hadn’t noticed him till now, and I barely kept myself from flinching.

“Are you okay? You left pretty quickly back there, what happened?”

Right, he was focused on Oakley and probably hadn’t paid the corpse any attention.

“I saw the dead ice mage vampire up close, let me tell you i’m glad that i don’t eat anymore, but dry heaving is just as bad to be honest”

“The corpse? Ah yes i avoided looking at it and focused on Oakelys face instead, but i think he took the part he ripped out with him”

Great, what would anyone need that for? A trophy maybe? Or even more magic fuckery.

I absentmindedly scratched over my pouch using my claws, Rikaad of course immediately noticed.

“How is… well your body attempted to vomit so not great i imagine”

His voice was tinted with guilt, and I could see one of his eyebrows twitch.

I knew he was talking about my pouch, he probably just didn’t say it out loud because there were other people present that could overhear.

Even if all the focus was on Nea right now who currently threatened to break someone’s knees.

PREVIOUS / NEXT / OVERSIGHT

[donnerpartyofone]

I know I shouldn't post about work stuff, but I also know that absolutely no one who could cause problems is paying attention and I have very little self-control at this point. Also I can always delete this later, so anyway

I am stuck in this fucking situation with an event programmer who absolutely refuses to communicate with me even to tell me to fuck off. Unfortunately he has also done one thing that is setting in motion the event I booked for him, so I can't just walk away. I've been emailing him for weeks trying to get him to speak to me like at all, and just when I had comfortably said to myself "Great, he's a flake, I'm glad I'm finding out about this BEFORE I'm locked into something with him and his flakiness causes various headaches. I am walking away now and I feel much better," I stupidly thought to ask the lecturer I was trying to book if he knows the programmer. He does know the programmer, they like each other, the programmer replied to my speaker immediately that he's super into this, hooray! ........But the programmer STILL won't talk to me. Not even to say "let me get back to you" or "I don't want you or your org involved and I'm poaching your speaker and there's nothing you can do about it, have a nice life." I have no idea if I should be booking travel and lodging so I can be ready to go host this in a month. I have no idea if or how my speaker is being paid, or if the convention has the right technical setup (I've had festivals book us only to find out LATER that the logistics were not there At All), or if my org can start promoting this event, or what. And I would just walk away from this all without ever thinking about it again, except that the programmer is talking to the speaker behind my back about how much he wants to do this, so now I'm fucking trapped and there is nothing I can do to like force this other adult to act right. I keep thinking about what my options might be and they all seem bad: give them an ultimatum as if I have any power over them, make my speaker talk to them for me like an angry parent ramping up to a divorce, or assume that everything is going to plan and reserve a hotel and transportation for something that might not even involve me after all. I'm not even getting fucking paid for this, I do it because I love it (and I have nothing better to do), but I really don't love it right now. All told this vague, difficult process has been going on since late February, with me getting the runaround from other people before finally being introduced to this one programmer who I'm told is the only appropriate guy for this, and this guy will not reply to one single message no matter what. At this point I would be so relieved if he would just email me a jpeg of a middle finger or something. Or even if he would gossip to the speaker that he hates me for some reason, that would be cool too, just to know where the hell I stand. But now I'm trapped because of this guy's bizarre behavior and anything I do to try to shove things along risks creating bad blood with the speaker who I love and already have lined up for something else. Like thanks a lot dude, thanks for making sure I'm fucked. I really appreciate it.

[my-hyperfixation-hell]

being yukio okumura must be a lonely nightmare

OK disclaimer to start: I've only watched the anime, not read the manga, so if this comes up in the manga forgive me for I do not know (also no spoilers please <3 I'm picking it up soon) HOWEVER

Yukio being so young and yet an exorcist must be the most gutwrenchingly lonely experience, like... going through his different positions with his three core social groups;

As an exorcist: He has his coworkers, but they're all adults. He's a 16 year old boy. As much as they include him, respect him, acknowledge his experience and skill, there's always going to be the part of them as grown ass adults that sees him as a 16 year old. That gap will always be there, and it'll probably also manifest itself Yukio being excluded from some general parts of adult life, and probably looked down upon, even subconsciously by those who do respect them. He'll always be the "little brother" friend. It's no wonder Yukio isn't very social. What is he going to do, watch all the adults slowly get drunk at a work party? Whoo. (Sure, Shura would probably give him a beer, and I'm sure the others would be willing to look the other way, but Yukio himself probably wouldn't take it.)

Not only that, but he doesn't have the same liberty as other teenagers his age to be dumb teenagers. If Rin or Shima or whoever else messes up- okay, impulsive, but they have the grace of being in training. Yukio, on the other hand, has to be professional. He has to act older than his age, or it's proof that he's not ready to be where he's at. It must be so frustrating whenever he works with a new exorcist- "Yes, I'm young for my position. No, that won't make me more difficult to work with. No, I don't need you to explain this concept to me, I already understand it, I graduated too-"

As a teacher: He has his students, all the same age as him. Hell, even if they have issues, Rin is his brother. But there's a power dynamic in the fact that he is their teacher and they are his students. There's also a duty Yukio has as the more experienced exorcist and their teacher to look after their safety, especially on field trips and the like. When they're fooling around in class, he has to be the killjoy who brings them back around on topic, and this isn't some math class they'll forget as soon as they graduate; he's teaching them information their lives are going to depend on.

It's also pretty hard to maintain a friendship with the same people you gave detention last week, or that you had to fail on a test.

As a student: Yukio also attends classes at True Cross that aren't at all related to exorcism, but I feel like even there he'd struggle connecting with his peers. Yukio's busy with teaching and exorcisms; that's a lot of time. Then his homework and classes- where exactly is he left to fit in a social life?

The anime suggests he's popular for girls to crush on. but being the crush of someone you barely know in high school isn't a friendship. Yukio seems like he'd be the typical introverted kid who goes mostly unnoticed. Even if he makes friends, what happens when he's had one too many last minute call ins for exorcisms, and has to ditch yet another hangout? How many medical leaves does he have to take in such an injury-prone job, not to mention mental health? It'd be easy to gain a reputation as a flaky and uninterested friend.

Then there's the issue of adjusting to a 'normal' life. How does one do that? How do you sit there and listen to your friends talk about homework and video games and whatever else they did last night, meanwhile what you did last night was risk your life slaying a demon, but if you even tried to tell them, you'd sound insane because most people in this world don't know demons are real at all. Not to mention he couldn't talk about his teaching job, either. Oh, also, "how was your vacation?" "My biological dad who is also Satan killed my adoptive dad who was an exorcist". To a teenager, it must feel impossible to find a way to relate regardless.

I think this has overall been a pretty sad post. I do think as Yukio grows up, he'll find his place. Once Rin and the others graduate, the wall of teacher-student between them will also be removed, though he'll still probably outrank them, at least for a while. As he grows up, too, the age gap between him and his peers will lessen, and he'll gain new coworkers who've only know him as an adult.

It will get better, just takes time.

[wondergirl2007]

Top 10 Worst HTF Deaths

So I’ve just finished my Top 10 Worst HTF Deaths video on my YouTube channel, and I’ve decided to bring my list to Tumblr so I can explain why I put each of these deaths on my list. Keep in mind that these are all my personal opinions of how I view the deaths in the show. If you disagree with any of these, then that’s perfectly fine! We all have different opinions and that’s what makes the world an interesting place. If there is a death I missed out that you wanted to see, let me know which one and why.

For this list, I will be ranking the deaths based on how torturous, violent and excruciating they would be to experience. So without any further ado, let’s rank the top 10 worst deaths in Happy Tree Friends!

10. Lumpy - Letter Late Than Never

To begin the bloodshed, we have Lumpy working as a mailman and he is simply just trying to deliver some packages, but Toothy’s tortoise is constantly hunting Lumpy down and puts him through so much pain every time he has an encounter with it. (Seriously, why wasn’t Toothy keeping an eye on his tortoise and keeping it under control?) Lumpy doesn’t let this make him give up doing his job, as he is able to keep going each time he escapes thanks to the painting of another mailman, (or mail moose in this case) and Lumpy keeps his pride as he won’t let the tortoise stop him from doing his job, no matter how many times the tortoise brutally attacks him.

Eventually, Lumpy has to deliver a letter to a house at the top of a mountain and he stops at nothing to get the letter delivered. But when he reaches the top, GUESS who is waiting for him. Yup, you guessed it, the tortoise. Startled, Lumpy backs away from the tortoise, only for him to have a great fall off of the mountain and breaking probably every bone in his body. Then, his foot gets pulled into the tortoise’s shell as it’s eating him alive. Lumpy then notices the turtle repellent, but it does him no good as he accidentally sprays the repellent in his eyes and gets eaten by the tortoise.

Honestly, this episode made me not want to be a delivery person, and I think I have a fear of turtles now. That tortoise put Lumpy through absolute hell, making his job more stressful and he gets so close to giving up a couple of times, but thanks to the mail moose painting, he is able to keep his pride. However, despite how many times Lumpy was attacked by the tortoise, it’s ranked quite low because most of the time where Lumpy was being attacked by the tortoise, it was kinda off screen. If it actually fully showed Lumpy being eaten alive by the tortoise instead of just being pulled away from the screen, it probably would’ve been a little higher on the list.

9. Cuddles - Party Animal

Oh Cuddles… Cuddles, Cuddles, Cuddles… Poor, sweet, innocent Cuddles. We all know that Cuddles dies a lot in the show, and there was so many deaths he has suffered that could’ve made it onto the list, but I decided to go with this one. Not only because it’s one of my favourite Fliqpy kills, but also because of how scary it would be to experience due to having no way of trying to survive or escape, which would not be very pleasant to experience, especially for someone with agoraphobia, which is the fear of situations that might cause panic and feelings of being trapped, helpless or vulnerable.

It’s Flippy’s birthday, and everyone has set up a surprise birthday party for him, and things seem to be going well, until Nutty eats the tiniest spoonful of sugar, causing him to go on a sugar rush and spin around like a tornado, flying the peanuts out of Mime’s hand and into Flaky’s mouth. Due to her nut allergy, she bloats up and her quills pop the balloons surrounding her, mimicking gunshots and causing Flippy to flip out.

After Fliqpy slices Toothy’s face like a cake, Cuddles and Sniffles notice this and Sniffles runs off with fear. As Cuddles is frozen in terror, Fliqpy places Toothy’s sliced cake face onto Cuddles’ plate, leaving him disgusted. Fliqpy then grabs some balloons and ties them around Cuddles’ neck, strangling him. This sends Cuddles flying straight up into a ceiling fan, where he is shredded to pieces. To me, this death was both physically and mentally traumatic. Not only is there the physical pain of Cuddles’ neck being tightened like a knot and then his body being torn up by a fan, but there’s also the mental fear of having no way of getting out of the situation.

Cuddles was trapped in the balloons’ grasp,

as they send him to his grave. The thought of being unable to escape from something that’s about to kill you is truly frightening. There was nothing Cuddles could do at this moment. All he could do was accept his fate of being sliced to pieces by a ceiling fan. This death actually reminds me of how Chucky died in Child’s Play 3, when he got shredded to pieces by a giant fan in a carnival ride. This death is also ranked low because it was a quicker death and Cuddles wasn’t suffering for too long, but the lack of escapism is what makes this death so horrifying to even think about experiencing.

8. Flaky - Wipe Out!

You know, I actually kinda forgot this episode even exists. But this episode is filled to the brim with very gruesome deaths. But which one was the most gruesome? That so happens to be Flaky’s death. This was probably the only death for Flaky that I think is very harsh, or at least in the TV Series anyway. Most of her deaths in the TV Series are quite quick and even painless, but not this one. Flaky is one of the most innocent characters in the show, and she does not deserve to go through these excruciating deaths.

When Flaky floats too far away from the shore, she encounters a horde of sharks that were attracted by the trail of blood on her surfboard that she made as she tried to paddle back to shore. What’s worse is that Flaky is too exhausted to paddle her way out of the situation, and somehow manages to avoid all the sharks that tried to eat her. After making her escape onto a desert island, Flaky thinks she’s safe as she hugs the palm tree. Until a coconut falls onto her head and hits it so hard, it causes her skull to crack open and her brain is exposed. Yet, she’s still alive, and if that wasn’t enough, a flock of seagulls then feed on her body, leaving nothing but her head behind.

One of the seagulls do get their instant karma after a shark eats it when the seagull tries to eat Flaky’s head. The seagulls were very mean spirited as they kept feeding on someone’s corpse when they died. Yup, it wasn’t just Flaky who got devoured by a flock of seagulls. Handy and Cuddles also suffered this fate after they died. But what made her death a little humorous was when the hermit crab used Flaky’s head as a shell. The little hermit crab was very cute in this episode, and I’m happy it managed to get a shell for itself eventually. Even if it did end up being… Flaky’s disembodied head…

What makes this death so excruciating was how vulnerable Flaky was in the situation. I mean, how strong was that coconut?! How can one single coconut crack open someone’s entire skull and expose their brain and leave them absolutely disoriented?! It just goes to show how fragile the characters are. Even the tiniest paper cut would probably lead them to bleed to death. And what was it with those seagulls constantly coming out of nowhere and feeding off the characters’ corpses?! It felt like a really unfunny running gag.

Overall, I felt really bad to see Flaky getting pecked alive by those seagulls. She should really move out of Happy Tree Town so she can avoid being killed on a daily basis. And so should everyone else in the show. Considering the fact that Flaky is the most aware character in the show, as she understands what triggers Flippy’s PTSD and is smarter than other characters when it comes to deadly situations, like in Party Animal, when she turned off the blender before putting her hand in it to get the peanut, and in Water You Wading For, when she doesn’t go in the pond and warns Cuddles about the possible dangers that could occur. But in this episode, she was pretty much screwed from the start.

7. Giggles - Home Is Where The Hurt Is

With Lumpy pulling a Lumpy, he screws up the blueprints of Giggles’ new house, and turns it into a labyrinth. Leaving everyone bewildered, they all split up to discover many flaws inside the house, and they all suffer their own terrible fates because of Lumpy’s errors, including Lumpy himself. However, Giggles gets it the worst out of everyone as she realises that she’s been walking sideways in her death trap of a house as she falls onto a banister of a staircase, and then starts to slide down to her demise.

First, she hits her head on a wooden beam, resulting in a black eye, then gets hit with a mounted moose head with its eyes stuffed into her mouth and finally gets hit by a chandelier, with the beads wrapping around her face. But she’s not dead yet. Giggles then slides over lots of nails that shred her body up, putting her suffering to an end as she slides to the bottom of the banister, and Lumpy encounters her corpse as she’s sliced in half when her body splits in two.

There was quite a few agonising deaths Giggles has suffered that could’ve been on the list, but this one was definitely the most torturous for her in my opinion. She goes on sliding down the banister as she screams with fear, unaware of what’s going to be thrown at her. Especially when her crotch gets shredded through the nails. It makes me cringe so hard! Now that is definitely something unpleasant to watch or even experience.

6. Nutty - Chew Said A Mouthful

Oh boy, Nutty really lets his candy obsession get the best of him, and this episode is no exception. Nutty is unaware that he cannot actually chew jawbreakers, and when he attempts to do so, he ends up breaking his lower jaw. He should understand why they’re called jawbreakers now. After his mouth is sealed shut with wires, he still tries to eat the jawbreaker. He uses a screwdriver to pry his mouth open so he can eat the jawbreaker, but the screwdriver breaks loose and causes him to accidentally bite his tongue off and snips his wires out, letting his jaw drop and bleed heavily.

He then has to wear a metallic mask to let his jaw heal. Or is that the bear trap from Saw? I’m not kidding, the mask Nutty wears in this episode reminds me of the bear trap from Saw. Anyway, even with his jaw being broken, he STILL tries to eat the jawbreaker as he chases after it and steals Toothy since he got the jawbreaker in his eye, mistaken by Lumpy during an eye surgery. Nutty then gets stuck in a junkyard with a car magnet that rips off his lower jaw and the car that he’s standing on gets pulled up by the magnet, crushing him in the process. Somehow, he’s not dead yet and guess what he tries to do: He still tries to eat the jawbreaker until it gets crushed along with himself.

What’s amusing about this death is that Nutty literally shows so much apathy for his demise as all he cares about is eating the jawbreaker. He literally does not care that he’s being crushed to death or that his jaw is broken. He stops at nothing to chew that jawbreaker. He causes all the other deaths in this episode too, and this sure is a lesson for Nutty to learn that jawbreakers aren’t edible and to pay for his selfish actions in this episode, as he’s apathetic about his broken jaw and the other character’s demise, and all he cares about is eating the jawbreaker. Now I see why Sarah from Ed, Edd N Eddy prefers fudge over jawbreakers and hopefully Ed will too. But I doubt Nutty will.

5. Handy - Don’t Yank My Chain

OK, now we’re starting to get to the really excruciating deaths. And I have to say that Handy is probably the most unluckiest character in the entire show, as he pretty much dies in every episode he’s in. Heck, I think he dies even more than Cuddles does! Handy has the lowest survival rate, and the only episodes that he has survived in are House Warming and Hear Today, Gone Tomorrow. That’s literally it. Every other episode he’s in, he dies at some point. And out of all them, this death was probably the most cruelest and torturous one that he has suffered in my opinion. And with Lumpy being a state trooper in this episode, we already know that it’s not going to end well.

After being mistakenly arrested along with Mole by Lumpy (I swear, Lumpy shouldn’t apply for any job. Things always go wrong when he’s doing a job.) due to Lifty and Shifty tricking Lumpy into thinking Handy and Mole stole a car, Handy and Mole try to escape from jail, but they are both chained to a heavy ball. After escaping from jail, the duo then tumble down a cliff due to Mole placing the heavy ball down, causing it to roll off the cliff, bruising and cutting them in the process. When Mole attempts to break the chain using a sledgehammer, he loses his balance and him and Handy are both dragged down a well.

After they make it out of the well, the duo then come across a rowboat and Mole uses a hacksaw to cut the chain, but he ends up cutting the rowboat instead, drowning him and Handy in the process, but they are able to get back up onto some logs. They then notice a sawmill, and it saws Mole’s head in half. After Handy is able to turn it off in time before he suffers the same fate, walking with the heavy ball becomes more stressful for him due to his lack of hands and Mole’s corpse weighing on the ball.

But then he gets an idea of breaking the chain by letting an approaching train run it over, hoping it will work. But it does nothing to save him as the chain gets stuck on a cowcatcher, causing Handy and Mole’s corpse to be dragged by the chain as they scrape on the ground with blood coming out.

Pop and Cub are passengers on the train, but they ignore Handy’s cries for help. I’ll give Cub the benefit of the doubt, because he’s a baby, so he doesn’t really understand what pain and suffering is, but how did Pop not hear Handy’s agonising screams? As the train enters a tunnel, Handy gives one final bloodcurdling scream as his eyes become bloodshot and bulged as they pop out of his sockets when he gets hit by the side of the tunnel, killing him. Pop is horrified when Handy’s eyes are covering Cub’s eyes. And I’ll admit, it looked very goofy and amusing, but Handy’s suffering certainly wasn’t.

This was definitely Handy’s most cruelest death in my opinion. The way he screams at the top of his lungs and the way his eyes bulge is terrifying, and it shows how much fear he was in when he accepts he’s about to be slammed in the face, meeting his demise. And the fact that there was no way of getting out of the situation makes it even more frightening to experience.

At least Lifty and Shifty got their karma afterwards by being ran over in the car the stole from Handy and Mole by the same train due to the car running out of fuel, causing them to get stuck on the train tracks. But still, Handy deserves so much better. He’s just a hardworking beaver who does his best at his job. Unlike a certain someone. I’m sure you know I’m talking about. And he dies immediately after Lifty and Shifty do when he gets hit by the heavy ball that Handy and Mole were chained onto. Have you guessed who it is yet? That’s right, it’s Lumpy. Told you this episode wouldn’t end well.

4. Shifty - Sea What I Found

Hey, a death in Happy Tree Friends doesn’t need to have blood and guts to be gruesome, torturous and excruciating! And this death is a great example. This is definitely one of the most iconic deaths in the show too. Although, I will say that this death was well deserved because Shifty was being a greedy brat and only cared about himself and the treasure instead of helping his brother Lifty get out of the submarine. It’s always satisfying to see Shifty getting his karma for being such a selfish brother. After stealing a treasure chest from Russell, they return to the submarine that they stole from Disco Bear. They open the chest to see a lot of gold and jewels inside of it.

Not long after, the submarine goes over a… underwater volcano? OK, I don’t get how magma can work underwater. I understand it’s a cartoon, so anything’s possible, but still. That genuinely confuses me. Anyway, the submarine’s pipes burst open and the submarine begins to collapse. When Lifty gets knocked down by a beam, Shifty, being the greedy brother he is, leaves Lifty to die in the submarine and steals his treasure. (I’m very glad that I don’t have a brother like Shifty.) Shifty tries to escape from the submarine, but the submarine gets way too hot, that his feet get stuck onto the ground, causing the skin on his feet to peel off for every step he takes.

As Shifty tries to get through the door, he is unable to do so because of the gold weighing in his bulging pockets. The gold then starts to slowly and painfully melt on Shifty, while he lets out one of the most bloodcurdling screams in the entire show. As the submarine sinks down into the underwater volcano, it blows up and Lifty flies out of the submarine and encounters Shifty, who is now a golden statue.

This death actually reminds me of the Greek mythology of King Midas, when he wishes for gold, but ends up turning whatever he touches into gold. Shifty’s greediness really gets the best of him in this episode, and it shows how avaricious he is. Even though there’s no gore in this death, it’s still very terrifying to watch or experience. But it was also good to see that Shifty didn’t go unpunished and got what he deserved.

Not to mention he also betrays Lifty in Milkin’ It, when Shifty tosses Lifty off of their hot air balloon, causing him to get impaled by a pine tree, just to reduce the hot air balloon’s weight so Shifty can avoid being electrocuted from a power line, only for him to be

shredded to pieces by a windmill shortly afterwards. And in Buns Of Steal, when Lifty gets mutilated by a fence, Shifty is so apathetic of his death, he kicks his head off while trying to walk through his thin wire vein. Not long later, Shifty gets killed from his head and tail being cut in half when Lifty’s sharp veins swing at him. Karma is indeed evil. And it definitely loves Shifty.

3. Splendid - Gems The Breaks

Of course this death would be on the list eventually. I mean, how could I not include it?! As much as I would love to place this death first, I just couldn’t, because I’m pretty sure you know which two deaths are much worse than this one, so I’ll give Splendid the bronze. Not to mention, I’m going to be working on my AU version of Gems The Breaks soon, and Splendid dies slightly differently than he does in the original episode, as his cheeks swelling up from the pressure of the vomit he holds in his mouth causing him to explode was a little bit illogical to me. Once again, I know it’s just a cartoon and anything could happen in it, but I want to make Splendid die in a more logical way.

And it is also how a certain someone is created in my HTF AU. You want to know who? Take a wild guess. OK, OK, it’s Vomitdid. I had to bring it up. Talking about this death just wouldn’t feel complete without explaining how I got the idea of Vomitdid. So just bare with me. We’ll get to Splendid’s gut-churning fate in a moment.

This is Splendid’s only death in the entire show, (if you don’t count his death in Class Act, which I don’t, despite Kenn Navarro confirmed that everyone died in the episode, including Splendid.) and since all the other characters die more than once, it would feel weird to treat their corpses like whole different characters. But since Splendid only dies once, making his corpse another character is definitely interesting to me.

Splendid does already have an alter ego, which is Splendont, but who’s to say he can’t have two? Along with Flippy, who’s alter ego is Fliqpy, and they look very similar to each other, along with Splendid and Vomitdid. They are almost identical, but they obviously look and act slightly different just so it doesn’t seem like there’s more than one of the same character.

And here’s a little fact: In my AU, Vomitdid was originally meant to be a joke character because I genuinely just thought it would be funny to make Splendid’s corpse into a character since Gems The Breaks is my favourite HTF episode and it was very interesting to see Splendid die, since he rarely does. And Vomitdid is definitely my favourite fan made HTF character I’ve ever made. And you can see where he got his name from, haha. But anyway, enough about Vomitdid’s origins, let’s get onto the actual death now.

Lifty and Shifty find out that Splendid is vulnerable to a green glowing acorn known as the kryptonite- uh, I mean, the kryptonut. Which is an obvious reference to Superman’s weakness, kryptonite, which weakens him due to radiation poisoning. However, the kryptonut causes Splendid to feel nauseous and throw up when he gets in contact with it.

When Splendid finally takes the terrible twosome down by boiling them alive by using a pair of binoculars to strengthen his heat vision, he is able to dispose the kryptonut with the protection of wearing a hazmat suit. He crushes the kryptonut and overconfidently takes his helmet off so he can blow the dust away, only for the wind to betray him by blowing it right back in his face, causing his nose and skin to peel off.

He then suffers from radiation sickness as he starts to vomit uncontrollably, along with his heart and kidney coming out and he doesn’t even notice that he also hit poor Petunia and Giggles with his wave of puke. It must’ve been torture for Petunia especially, since she has OCD and hates getting dirty, and Petunia also has emetophobia in my AU, which is the phobia of vomiting. Now, Giggles and Petunia’s deaths in this episode are debatable, but in my version of the episode, they survive, so they are going to be extremely mortified after experiencing being engulfed in Splendid’s vomit fountain. And this is also what caused the rivalry between Petunia and Vomitdid in my HTF AU.

At this point, Splendid should be dead, but somehow no. He vomits so much that it eventually comes to the point of him trying to hold it in, but doing this only makes things a lot more harder for him, as his cheeks start to swell up, being unable to suppress the pressure of the vomit in his mouth any longer and this causes his whole body to explode. This is definitely the grossest death in my opinion, and if you’re not really keen with vomiting, then this episode will be hell for you. The fact that Splendid has the least deaths in the show, but yet has one of the goriest is really messed up to me.

However, this must have been a pleasure for all the Splendid haters out there to see him getting his karma for causing every death in this episode. Especially Mole’s death, since Splendid killed him intentionally by blowing up his car with his heat vision due to Mole not driving off when the traffic light turned green due to his blindness. And this is the reason why Mole became a villain in my HTF AU. And that is understandable, as Mole, Lifty and Shifty’s deaths were the only intentional deaths Splendid has caused in the show.

But this death really does make me feel sick to my stomach every time I watch it. The fact that not only did Splendid vomit his guts out, but there was also blood chunks in his vomit. If Splendid had just ended up vomiting pure blood instead, then this death would have definitely been first place on the list. It really was hard to watch my favourite character suffer a very extreme and disgusting death.

However, it was also quite satisfying and intriguing to see Splendid actually dying for once. I mean, it had to happen to him eventually, right? It wouldn’t be Happy Tree Friends if not every character suffers from at a few harsh deaths at the very least. Even though I really had the desire to give this death first place, as it is one of my absolute favourite deaths in the show, it just couldn’t beat these last two deaths which I’m sure you’ve already guessed which ones they are. So, let’s dive right into them!

2. Petunia - Wishy Washy

Oh dear god… this death is just… messed up. OK, let me tell you, I always think that Petunia suffers the worst kind of deaths in the show and honest to god, any of her deaths can make this spot on the list, but it just HAD to be this one. Most of you probably already know this, but huge trigger warning coming up: This death involves Petunia committing suicide and it was so horrific and graphic, the episode was removed from YouTube due to violating the community guidelines. Not to mention this is the only suicidal death in the entire show and the only episode to be deleted from YouTube. So if you just want to skip to number 1, then go ahead. But if you’re still here, then brace yourself.

Petunia is known for being a neat freak due to her OCD. The smallest smudge, the fewest inches of a lotion bottle facing the wrong way, will cause her to have a full on panic attack. And her OCD really gets the best of her in this episode. When Petunia ends up clogging her toilet, she calls the worst plumber in Happy Tree Town: Lumpy. After Lumpy gets crushed and burned by a water heater, it causes Petunia’s shower to stop working, and when she goes down the see what caused it, she is shocked by the encounter of Lumpy’s corpse, only for her to fall into the dirty water, covering her whole body in muck and gunk.

Petunia is mortified by this, and does everything she can to get the gunk off of her body. Shower? Doesn’t work. Sink? Does nothing. Sink sprayer? Makes her more dirty. Brush? Not enough. Steel wool? Only makes it worse. Nothing is able to get her clean, but what finally puts Petunia’s sanity to an end is when she finds a potato peeler, and Petunia loses her state of mind and laughs hysterically as she begins to peel her skin off aggressively, being apathetic at this point and is desperate to get clean again, and it’s not even against her will.

She goes on peeling and peeling her skin away until her body is nothing but flesh and bone, and dies from blood loss. What makes this death so uncomfortable to watch is the fact that Petunia is literally killing herself. The characters are usually killed from something against their will or by another character, accidental or deliberate, but not here. Petunia is so apathetic about dying, and had the audacity to do absolutely anything to get herself clean, which really shows how severe her OCD is. I honestly don’t know what’s worse: Petunia’s OCD, or Flippy’s PTSD.

Jesus Christ… and no, this isn’t even the worst death, and this may shock some people as they may think, “What could POSSIBLY be worse than suicide?!”, and I wouldn’t blame them at all for thinking that. But I do so happen to have the answer for which death is even worse than this one. So Petunia has earned herself the silver. But before we get to the absolute worst death in the series, we have to get through the honourable mentions, so let’s get them out of the way first.

Honourable Mentions (THESE ARE NOT IN A SPECIFIC ORDER)

Cuddles - Easy Comb, Easy Go

This death was also pretty gross, as any death involving puking guts and organs makes me feel uncomfortable, and the way the hair goes up Cuddles’ body as he suffocates to death really made me shiver. It was however my favourite death in this episode, but the fact that this death was quicker than some of his other deaths is what stops it from actually being on the list.

Russell - Sea What I Found

I’m not going to lie, but this death actually confused me when I first watched it. But when I saw the wiki page for this episode, I understood it better. Russell is killed from decompression sickness, thanks to Lumpy’s stupidity. This death actually reminds me of that one death in Street Trash, when a unnamed local fat hobo ends up exploding from drinking Viper, which is very old and expired. This causes pretty much everyone who drinks it to melt into a goopy mess, expect for the fat hobo who ends up blowing up instead, similar to how Russell did in this episode. But anyway, the reason why Russell’s death isn’t on the list is because it just couldn’t beat Shifty’s death in this episode.

Giggles - Every Litter Bit Hurts

Once again, since this death is quick, it’s not on the list. And Giggles technically lives happily until Mole impales her heart, and most people would probably be angry at Mole for this, as they would question how Mole couldn’t hear Giggles screaming in agony, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt since he’s blind, so it was technically an unintentional death.

Handy - Wipe Out!

Another very quick death, and it’s not as gory as some of his other deaths are, so it couldn’t make it onto the list. But this death does make me wince a little. I always struggle trying to zip up my jacket, and the thought of getting my fingers stuck through the zip makes me cringe hard. It’s like getting a paper cut. And right after Handy dies, a flock of seagulls come out of nowhere and feed on his corpse. … You know what, I’m not even going to ask how or why the seagulls have the urge to do that in this episode.

Nutty - Double Whammy

I used to be so terrified of this death when I first watched it, but I eventually went from hating it to loving it. It’s another one of my favourite Fliqpy kills, and the way Nutty’s head swells up and his eyes bulge out due to the pressure of the water entering his mouth reminds me of a scene in Total Recall, when Quaid has a nightmare about him dying from decompression due to the glass on his space mask shattering after hitting his face off a rock, causing his eyes to pop out. I genuinely love space movies with those kind of deaths because they’re so satisfying and disturbing to watch at the same time. The reason why I didn’t put this death on the list is because it’s not actually as bad as I thought it used to be. It’s rather a more goofy and illogical death, which is why it couldn’t make it onto the list, but I still love this death regardless, even if it’s physically impossible for it to happen in real life.

Petunia - As You Wish

Despite how gorey and bloody this death is, and how Petunia was able to survive being wounded by lots of coins that Lifty and Shifty wished for and being impaled by Sniffles’ spaceship and only really dies from her head being crushed by Lumpy’s lamp, it just cannot beat her death in Wishy Washy. Suicide is much, much, much worse than being by from other people’s wishes.

Lumpy - Take A Hike

Man, Lumpy really didn’t deserve his demise in this episode. I know throughout this list, I’ve been talking about how his lack of intelligence is what causes his and others deaths, and how it really infuriated me, but in this episode, he really did try his best to keep an eye on everyone and to make sure that they all got out alive. That obviously doesn’t happen, but since the bear killed him quite quickly and only mauled him once, unlike Toothy’s tortoise, who attacked Lumpy several times, making him suffer longer, it’s not going to make a spot onto the list.

And now… the death you were all probably expecting to be at this spot on the list, the worst death in Happy Tree Friends is without a doubt:

1. Sniffles - Tongue In Cheek

Yeah, everyone would probably chase after me if I didn’t make this death number 1 on the list. But yeah, IT’S HELL TO WATCH. The creators even admitted that they went too far with this death, and this actually caused the ants to be permanently removed from the show because of their sadistic behaviour. Yes, believe it or not, Sniffles’ death here is even worse than Petunia killing herself because the creators weren’t ashamed of how gruesome her death was. Compared to all the other deaths in the series, and I mean ALL of them, this death is the most torturous to experience and Sniffles definitely deserves the gold for this list.

This is not even the first time the ants have tortured Sniffles. There’s many episodes with Sniffles failing badly to eat some ants, such as Suck It Up, A Hard Act To Swallow, Tongue Twister Trouble, to name a few. The only episode when Sniffles is able to get away with eating an ant is Blast From The Past, when he travels back into prehistoric times and eats a prehistoric ant, with his prehistoric ancestor doing the same.

So, let’s get into this death. After Sniffles fails to eat some ants when they rip his nails open and put salt inside, he gets the idea of inventing a mind controlling ant robot and helmet and sends it off to kill the ants, but the ants are able to dodge the robotic ant as it gets electrocuted by a socket, along with electrocuting Sniffles himself. One of the ants then switch the wires on the robot of ant’s helmet, and are now able to control Sniffles.

They force him to put razor blades in an a apple, then eating it, causing his mouth and teeth to bleed excessively. Then they make him put his tongue in a paper shredder, tearing it apart and he pulls it out, only causing more blood to shed. Finally, the ants put Sniffles down when force him to hammer his tail into a nail and tie his shredded tongue to a canoe paddle and turning it slowly and painfully, eventually letting go and forcing all of his organs out of his body as the canoe paddle flys off like a propeller and stretches his up and finally sends him down to the ground, killing him in the process.

What makes this death the worst of them all is that Sniffles is forced to do this against his will. It’s not a suicidal death, unlike Petunia’s death in Wishy Washy, as she actually the one killing herself, while the ants are forcing Sniffles do to these excruciating things to himself as he cries and begs for it to stop. It is definitely both physically and mentally traumatising, with the obvious physical trauma of the graphic torture the ants put Sniffles through, but there’s also the mental trauma of how Sniffles was helpless in this episode, and he couldn’t do anything to save himself. He just had to accept the fate of being killed against his will.

Maybe it’s best that Sniffles should stay away from the ants from now on after this. And we’ll probably never see the ants get what’s coming to them (Or at least in the canon show) since they got banned from the show, unlike Shifty, who actually gets his karma for betraying Lifty frequently due to his greediness. Well actually, there is a fan made HTF episode of the ants actually getting killed, and despite it not being canon, it was satisfying to finally see the ants getting what they deserve. I just don’t think Sniffles will ever learn that he stands no chance against the ants, despite his intelligence. I understand that he’s literally an anteater, so it’s kind of a common habit for him, but he should be more aware now that trying to eat the ants isn’t really a good idea.

And that’s my list! I hope you enjoyed reading it! And if you agreed with these deaths, then that’s great! And if you disagree with any of the deaths on my list, then that’s okay. Let me know if there’s any deaths that I missed that you wanted to see and why you think it could have made it onto the list!