#whooo boy this is an old one

[strang3lov3]

My Treat

Roman has a very special present to give you on your birthday, whether you want it or not.

Tags - dddne, noncon, face fucking, fingering, unprotected piv, rough sex, creampie, overstim, forced orgasms, degradation, mocking, intox kink (drunk reader/sober Roman), dacryphilia, manipulation, coercion, victim blaming, whooo boy. Roman’s gonna have some tender moments, but don’t be fooled. He’s a fuck and a half. Maybe even dark!roman? Excessive use of the nickname ‘birthday girl’ and too many dick in a box references. 4.4k words A/N - HAPPY BIRTHDAY @cum-a-calla !!!! You know much I love you and your work. Meeting you has been a highlight of my 2024!! I love you and I hope this nasty Roman scratches alllllll the itches. It had a tentative start but I’m really pleased with how this turned out 🩷 i tagged my usual roman readers but no pressure to read if noncon is not your thing, i will see you next time! @endlessthxxghts, you know what you did. thank you for your eyeballs and for holding my hand through it♡

9:27 and Roman’s still not yet graced his office with his less than illustrious presence. Not that you really mind, as his lateness gives you time to get work done without his hovering, his mocking comments and juvenile jokes at your expense, his nitpicking. With your morning work completed, you rest on his uninviting, scratchy office couch and inspect your manicure, freshly done for the occasion. 

Then, the doorknob rattles, jerking you from your peace and in comes Roman all self-assured and weirdly confident, his pelvis leading his awkwardly long strides. He spots you immediately, smiles with crinkling eyes and those little dimples appearing on his cheeks. He’s got a bubblegum pink pastry box in one hand and a cardboard drink carrier with coffee cups balanced neatly on top of it.“Hey, hey, birthday girl!”

You narrow your eyes at him, suspicious. “I didn’t tell you it was my birthday.”

Roman smirks mischievously, that infuriatingly smug tilt to his lips. “I have my sources,” he replies cooly, setting down the items on his desk. With flourish, Roman opens the pastry box and pulls one of the drinks out of the carrier, the one drowning in chocolate swirls and topped with more whipped cream than there is coffee in the beverage. “For you.” He holds the drink out for you to take. “I believe this is your Frankenstein coffee-shake-thing.” 

“You know my order?”

Roman scoffs and rolls his eyes for maximum effect. “Yeah, I know your order. Cookies and cake and ice cream all blended up with just enough coffee to pretend you’re a big girl. It’s just fuckin’ liquefied dessert, am I right?”

You take the drink from him and take a sip, humming at the sweetness as it hits your tongue. “Close enough,” you joke, and Roman pumps his arm in excitement, the satisfaction in his eyes. Digging through the trash days ago to copy the scribbled order on your old, empty cup was disgusting, sure. But worth it to see that pretty smile of yours. 

Roman beckons you to his desk with a curl of his finger. Excitedly, you make your way over and inspect the box of pastries he’s brought. Four oversized cupcakes, absolutely dripping in frosting. They’re from that bakery you’re obsessed with—the one you’ve maybe mentioned in passing once, because Roman really doesn’t do thoughtful. Or so you thought. It was obnoxiously out of his way, of course, but you deserve it. 

“Uhhh…” Roman points to the cupcakes, “That’s carrot cake, and then chocolate, obviously. Strawberry shortcake and birthday cake. But I call dibs on the birthday cake.”

“But it’s my birthday.” 

“Do you think I give a shit? I mean, I do. A little. Got you a present and everything.”

You perk up at that, eyes widening as you reach for the chocolate cupcake. “Yeah?” you ask, “What is it?”

“My dick in a box. What else would I get you?” he grins shamelessly. 

Roman watches you laugh as you suck a bit of frosting off of your fingertip. His cock twitches in his pants and he bites down on his lip, eyeing you up and down. He reaches into the pink box for his birthday cake cupcake and takes a bite. “Mm. Fucking delicious,” he mumbles, mouth full. “So what’s the plan, huh? How’s the birthday girl living it up tonight?”

“Uhm,” you hum, pulling back a little bit of the cupcake’s wrapper to take another bite. “The usual. Working for you, then going home.”

“Seriously?”

You nod, “Yeah.”

“That’s your plan,” he deadpans.

“Yeah,” you say again, shrugging.

Roman shakes his head, disbelief painted all over his face. “No. You’re celebrating. Properly,” he adds with a pointed look, as if daring you to argue with him. Which, of course, you do. 

“Oh, I don’t think so, Roman. What’s there to even celebrate? Do birthdays even matter past turning 21?”

“Yeah, of course they do. And what’s there to celebrate?” Roman parrots your question, pausing to eat another bite of his cupcake. “Oh, I don’t know. The fact that you’re alive,” he answers, smirking as you roll your eyes. “And hot,” he adds. 

You press your lips to hide your smile. “Yeah, see? You know I’m right. So here’s the deal: you, my dear, are going out tonight and you’re getting shitfaced.” 

“Rome-”

“Non-negotiable,” he winks, and it sends a flutter through your stomach. His charm convinces you, almost. Almost. 

“Mmmmaybe,” you hum, tilting your head. “With who, though?”

“With this handsome devil, obviously,” Roman says, pointing to his face and swirling his finger around in a circle. “What other sucker likes you enough to take you out on a pity-date for your birthday?”

“Wow. Gee, thanks, Roman. You really know how to make a girl feel special.”

“Well, you know. It’s my specialty,” Roman says, reaching for your face. 

Your eyes widen as his hand makes contact, thumb swiping across the corner of your lips to collect a bit of chocolate frosting. “What–”

Roman smiles at you and sucks his finger, “It’s my treat,” he tells you, voice dropping a notch, mischief written all over his stupid grin. How flustered and bashful you are. Too fucking easy. 

The sun dips below the horizon, painting Roman’s office in warm shades of pink and orange as he closes down the tabs on his computer. Not that he was really doing anything, anyway. Just Connections and Wordle, and he sucks at both, but still plays them religiously. He’s gotta learn to beat you somehow and unfortunately, he can’t cheat very well at those games. Roman sighs loudly and dramatically, running his fingers through his hair before he stands up and stretches like he’s done real work. “C’mon, birthday girl. Off we go.” 

You glance up from your phone, startled. “Wait, now? I need to go home and change. I’m not wearing, like, going-out clothes.” 

“Oh, shut up,” Roman groans, throwing his head back. “You’re hot. You’re always hot,” he says, slipping into his jacket. He grabs yours off the coat hanger and holds it open, motioning for you to come over and slide your arms into the sleeves. Roman takes your purse and continues, “So hot, in fact, that I’m gonna give you my dick in a box for your birthday.” 

“Creep.” You zip up your jacket and turn around, snatching your bag back from Roman. “Stop making that joke. You’re a walking lawsuit.” 

“Mm, thanks, but it’s not a joke,” he mutters, straightening out the front of your jacket. “I’m as serious as a heart attack. I put a bow on it and everything.”

“Sure, Roman.” 

Roman holds the door open for you, mumbles “Ladies first,” and hits the lights on his way out. He follows you to the elevator and takes it to the garage level where a black car waits for you, vapor spilling from its exhaust. Roman plays the gentleman act well, swinging the car’s back door open for you, too. He gives his driver the name of some bar he thinks you’d like, and you’re on your way. It’s not a long drive, but he pours you a glass of champagne anyway. 

“Roman-”

“You gotta get wasted. Don’t fight the birthday rules. And,” he adds, pouring himself a glass, “This is the good shit, too.” 

Cautiously, you take a sip of your champagne. Before you can even put your glass down, Roman’s topping it off.

“See? Fancy bubbles.”

“Mhm.” 

By the time you reach the bar, you’re already buzzed. Warm, giggly. Just how Roman wants you, and he’s eating it up. He ushers you inside and straight to a private corner booth, then orders you appetizers of all varieties. The food keeps coming, and so do the drinks - Roman never lets you have an empty glass and keeps your attention entirely on him.

And then, it happens - the moment he’s been working towards all night. His hand lands on your thigh under the table, and it rests there with a casual confidence. And you don’t move it, either. Your inhibitions are lowered enough to the point that there’s no polite brush off, no shy smile as you timidly wrap your fingers around his wrist to kindly shove him away. You don’t even flinch. Fuck, do you even notice?

He lets you talk his ear off. Whether he knows what you’re talking about or not, he’s nodding along, pretending to listen intently to you. Throwing in the occasional hum of interest to really sell it. And you’re smiling, cheeks are warm as you slur your words, telling him all about this and that and the other as you launch into another tangent. Something about your neighbor or your fucking cat or whatever. Roman doesn’t give a shit. He snaps his fingers at the server and points to your drink.

You take a sip from your glass, then lazily toy with the melting ice in your glass with your stirrer. “Well,” you announce, a little hiccup breaking your sentence, “I think I’m wasted.” 

“Are you, now?” Roman’s grin stretches wide. 

“Pretty sure.” 

Roman smiles and claps his hands together once. “Well, there we go. My work here is done, birthday girl. Thanks for humoring the boss. You’re a real, you know - team player, or whatever the fuck HR would call it. A good sport.”

You laugh at him, and Roman’s already sliding out of the booth and waving down the check. “Shall I take you home?” 

“I haven’t-” you hiccup again, “Haven’t finished my drink.” 

Roman waves dismissively. “Meh. Take it with, who gives a shit. Call it your fuckin’ party favor.” 

Giggling excitedly, you slide out of the booth and Roman wraps your jacket around your shoulders, his hands warm against your flesh. You stumble a bit when you begin walking, like the floor is crooked or something, sloshing your drink onto him. “Shit, m’sorry, Rome.” Those first drunk steps always hit you hard.  

“You’re fine. I got you.” Roman wraps an arm around your waist and squeezes you tight, tapping his fingers against your back in a way that’s equal parts soothing and impatient. Just like before, he helps you into the car, hands steadying your wobbling frame. 

The ride is a blur. As the vehicle moves, the motion relaxes you, lulls you into a haze. You’re resting against his shoulder, which is your own doing. He didn’t have to wrap an arm around you and tuck you into his side or anything. 

Your breathing slows, and your eyes are fluttering shut. Roman notices immediately. Awake. Roman needs you awake. “Hey,” he mutters, patting your cheek lightly to jolt you into semi-alertness. “Eyes open. You’re not clocking out on me yet, need to finish that drink, yeah?”

“M’dunno,” you mumble. “Kinda-”

Roman takes the drink out of your hand and brings it to your lips, encouraging you to drink the rest. “Yeah, no. You do know. Drink up,” he tells you, tone flat. “Waste not, want not.” 

You take a few more sips, not counting them, though Roman sure as hell is. He makes sure you drink it all, every last drop. He needs you completely intoxicated. Absolutely fucked. 

The car pulls up to the building, and Roman’s out before the driver can even shift into park. He’s got a hand on your arm, moving you forward. The world tilts again, but he’s there, patiently guiding you to the elevator. Your eyelids are fighting a losing battle by the time you’ve reached the top floor, and Roman guides you inside and turns on the light. 

“Wait- wait a second,” you mumble, eyes adjusting to the light as you take in your surroundings.

Roman gives you a look and raises an eyebrow. “Hm?”

“This isn’t my home.” 

“Yeah, no shit. You’re in my home,” he replies. Roman watches the gears turn, your brows are knit together and you wear a pout as that first little bit of uneasiness sets in. “Doesn’t really matter though, does it? You’re at a home, y’know. Still a roof over your head. I can’t just leave your drunk ass alone somewhere.”

“I guess,” you mumble, blinking slowly. “Can I uh, can I have some water?”

“You’re not thirsty,” Roman cuts in, voice clipped. “You’re just tired. C’mon, let’s get you into bed, yeah? Bedtime for the birthday girl. She partied too hard.”

Roman takes your hand and leads you to his bedroom, his grip more steering than guiding. Everything’s still spinning in dizzying circles, but there’s an added layer of…of something. You can’t name it yet, but it’s there. That strange feeling in your gut, the itch in your chest. You’re nervous. Why do you feel nervous? 

Roman locks the door behind himself and sits you down on the edge of his neatly made king-sized bed that smells like laundry detergent and himself, then kneels in front of you to pull off your shoes one at a time. The casualness of it all, the intimacy of his fingers brushing against your skin. It makes your skin prickle. Roman stands up again to undress you, unbuttoning your blouse and tugging on the zipper at the side of your pencil skirt. “Get this off next,” he mumbles, pulling it down.

“Roman…”

He cuts you off with a dismissive shh as the fingers of one hand work the buttons undone on his shirt, then shrugs it off his shoulders and leaves it crumpled on the ground.

“Rome, stop- what is this? What are you doing?” The quiver in your voice and the slur to your words betrays you. You tried to sound firm.

“Giving you your last gift,” he says casually, as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Duh. It’s my dick in a box, remember? I man-scaped for you and everything.”

He’s not being serious, right? There’s no way. “Pretty small package,” you joke, trying to ease some of the tension you feel. It doesn’t do much.

“Yeah, well,” he shrugs, and his eyes are dark. “Good things come in small packages, so fuck you.” 

You’re not sure how to respond. “Right,” is all you murmur. You manage to crack half a smile, laughing without much humor. “I guess I just - fuck, I really want that water, Roman,” you complain, pressing your hand against your forehead. You feel lightheaded, fuck. 

Roman doesn’t flinch or show any of that manufactured tenderness from earlier. “Yeah, I know. Everything, everything, everything. You’ll get it when you get it, okay? Relax.”

You groan quietly, rocking on the bed. “I guess I just don’t get the joke,” you say, changing the subject. “Like, how is your dick supposed to be a present for me?”

Roman scoffs. “How isn’t it?” he says. “It’s thoughtful. Wrapped nicely and everything. It’s all about the presentation, you know?”

“Umm…sure.”

As a silence hangs, you gather your strength and concentration to get up - you need water. Advil. Coffee. You’re ready to be done being drunk, ready to feel in control of yourself again. Roman’s drunk, too - has to be, even if he doesn’t totally seem it. He’s not slurring his words, his eyes aren’t droopy or red, he’s…unnervingly him. You hope to god he won’t remember this. You hope you won’t, either. You try to stand up, but Roman sits you back down. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“W-”

“Water, I know,” he snaps.  He tilts his head back and groans as he rubs his bulge, cock hardening beneath his touch. Your mouth drops open as he sucks in his belly and reaches for the button of his slacks, then unzips them. “So I lied, birthday girl. It’s not in a box, but-”

“Stop. This isn’t a funny joke. I don’t want this, Roman.”

“It’s a gift.”  

“But I don’t want-” 

“Oh, come on. Don’t - don’t fuckin’ be like that,” he snaps, sliding his pants down his legs until he’s clad in only his navy boxer briefs. “What do you say when I do something nice for you, huh? What do you say?”

“St-”

“Wrong. You say thank you. Say ‘thank you, Roman’.” 

Roman waits with both of his brows raised, but you never thank him. And something changes then. He’s always had an ugly streak, but this is different. There’s something sinister, almost, like a mask has slipped, exposing something awful that’s been festering beneath the surface. The crumbled facade. Your heart pounds so hard in your chest that you feel it in your throat. 

“You’re being kinda rude,” Roman says with a wave of his hands. “Like, really rude, actually. This whole night, I did it all for you.”

“And I can appreciate that, Roman, I do appreciate that. But I said-”

Roman crushes his palm against your lips, not allowing you to complete that sentence. “I have ears,” he bites, reaching under his briefs to pull out his cock, now at full mast. He moves the hand that’s on your lips to your shoulder and forces you down so that you’re kneeling on the floor, pinned between his body and his bed. Nowhere to run. 

He’s quick in how he does it, or maybe it’s the alcohol that’s fucked up how you process reality. Roman shoves his cock past your lips, harshly hitting the back of your throat so that you gag and choke. Tears blur your vision, though you can’t distinguish whether it’s from the pain or the rising fear. You reach for Roman’s torso and hit him as hard as you can, but he doesn’t stumble. Instead, he simply pouts at you. He takes both of your wrists in his hand and begins rocking his hips. 

“Oh, perfect - the fucking waterworks,” Roman mutters, his voice dripping with mock sympathy as his thumb brushes away the tears streaking down your face. He tilts his head, studying you with that sharp, calculating gaze, like he’s cataloging every tremble and shudder, filing it away for later. “Always so dramatic, aren’t you, sweetheart? I have to give credit where credit’s due, though. Oscar-worthy performance. Truly.”

Roman pauses, his smirk tightening, the false gentleness in his touch a sharp contrast to his words. “You know,” he adds, voice low and biting, “maybe if you’d been a little less… I don’t know, yourself - kinder, sweeter, less of a goddamn buzzkill - I wouldn’t make you choke on it. Just a thought.”

Roman’s cock tastes salty, slightly sweaty, and you’re disgusted that you kind of like it. The smell of him, too, that musky and heady sort of scent. Still holding your hands above your head, Roman squeezes your wrists hard enough so that your bones grind against each other. There’s a pinching, aching pain between your shoulders as Roman fucks into your mouth, his cockhead hitting the back of your throat with each thrust.

You’re growing aroused despite yourself. You can feel yourself dripping into your panties, the dampness making you feel sick. Roman slides in and out of your mouth with abandon, zero regard for your comfort.   

He draws out of your mouth entirely, biting his lip as he admires the sticky, shiny mess of your saliva and tears on his cock. You attempt to pull away, but with a tug of his hand, Roman holds you exactly where he wants you. “I don’t think so, birthday girl. Where the fuck do you think you’re off to?”

Roman thrusts into your mouth harshly once more. There’s no gentleness to it at all, just raw fucking ferocity. He ruts into your mouth so fiercely, turning you into a drooling, crying, choking mess. The tears rolling down your cheeks - god, he loves them. It fills him with a unique sort of confidence. Power. 

“Cry all you want,” he taunts. Your lips are sore with the repeated motion of his cock drawing back and forth between your lips, jaw throbbing, nose rubbed raw from the coarse thatch of his trimmed pubic hair. Roman continues to roll his hips, relishing in your warm, wet mouth and the way your sobbing makes your throat tighten around him. With your forehead bouncing against his stomach, you squirm and whine in discomfort as he uses you. The brutality. You’re at your breaking point when finally, finally you feel Roman begin to twitch and pulse in your mouth, and you brace yourself for his release.  

Instead, he pulls out. 

That’s it? Is that it? Is it over? You think it’s over. Maybe - god willing - he had a change of heart. 

“Th-thank you, Roman,” you whisper, voice wobbling. That’s what he wanted, right? A thank you?

“Oh, now you remember your manners,” Roman mocks. “How convenient. Too fucking late, birthday girl, ‘cause now this is really my treat.”

Roman forces you to your feet and pushes you onto your back, then climbs over you. He pins your arms above your head in one hand and with the other, reaches between your thighs and pulls your panties to the side. His fingers glide through the pool of arousal at your core, effortlessly slipping through your folds. 

“Please get off of me,” you whimper. “Stop.” 

“Why would I stop? You’re fucking soaked,” he says. “And I bet when I do this-” Roman purrs, pushing his ring and middle fingers into your slick cunt, “-you’ll get wetter. Won’t you?” 

He curls his fingers repeatedly, expertly stroking that sensitive spot inside you. The pleasure makes you cry harder. God, you just want it to be over. If you weren’t so drunk you could probably get out from under him. But your limbs are heavy and uncoordinated, your head is spinning. If you managed to leave, he’d drag you right back to his bed. 

“Shh, do you fucking hear that? Listen to yourself.” Roman covers your mouth to quiet your cries, and you hiccup beneath his palm. He goes quiet too, the only sounds in the room being his heavy breathing and the wet, sticky noises your pussy makes as he fucks you with his fingers. “Sounds to me like you fucking want this.” 

With his hand still on your mouth, Roman uses the other to stroke his cock. Your panties are still tugged to the side when he enters you, one brutal, violent thrust that has him groaning and you wincing in pain. 

Roman lowers his head and bites into your shoulder as he fucks you, rolling his hips over and over into you. You wish it didn’t feel as good as it does. You wish you weren’t so wet, so complicit. That’s what you are, aren’t you? Complicit in this?

“Give me your fucking hand,” Roman pants, taking one of your hands and wedging it between your two bodies. “Goes right here,” he mumbles, pressing your fingertips against your clit. “The quicker you come, the quicker it’s over,” he whispers. 

You nod under his hand, closing your eyes as your fingers circle your clit. If you pretend that Roman’s not here - or, even if he is - that it’s not happening like this, you can do it. As you rub yourself, you do your best to detach from everything going on. It’s just Roman on top of you, Roman inside of you. A body on a body, a body part in a body part. Nothing else. That pleasure deep in your gut is just pleasure, a sensation and nothing more. Dreading your release, you moan under Roman’s palm to coax release along and there it is - your orgasm. 

How deliciously you pulse around Roman’s cock. How needy your moans are, and what’s that you’re doing with your legs, wrapping them tightly around his waist? Roman grins and licks your neck. “Yeah, that’s on you, isn’t it?” he taunts. “Whose fault is that?”

“M-mine,” you cry. 

“That’s right,” he says, kissing your neck. “Now do it again. C’mon, birthday girl, give me another.” You cry harder, shaking your head no. “Come on! It’s your special day. Treat yourself and come for me one more time.” 

“I can’t,” you sob, voice muffled by Roman’s hand over your mouth. He gives you a look. If you do as he asks, it’ll all work out better for you. He knows it and you know it. 

“God, you’re a mess. Your fuckin’ snot’s all over my hand,” he spits, wiping his hand on your torso, then builds the pace again. “One more,” he reminds you, kissing your tear-soaked cheek. “Fuck, you take it so well, honey. Like you’re made for this.” 

Roman repeats his words and a variety of other praises, insults, and swears as he fucks you deeply. He’s got you pressed in half, your knees on either side of your chest as your hips ache in the position. The angle intensifies everything and he knows, oh how he knows what it does to you. Poor fucking thing. Tired, sore, drunk, overstimulated. Partied too hard. 

You don’t even have to rub your clit - the way Roman’s got himself angled has his body doing all the work, pubic bone adding the necessary pressure against your clit to make you come. You can’t quite identify your orgasm as it begins to build; no definitive start, but when it’s there, it ruins you. Washes over your body in waves, devastating you. Your climax coaxes Roman’s own, though you hardly register his pulsing cock as he spurts thick ropes of his spend inside you. 

Roman pulls out of you then, leaving you with an empty feeling as his come seeps from your cunt. He leaves the room and the tears have stopped, but an occasional sob wracks your body every few seconds. He returns to you with a big glass of water, ice and straw and everything. Your trembling hands can’t hold it so Roman does instead, guiding the straw to your lips. 

If you enjoyed, please lmk! Hop in my inbox or reblog with some kind thoughts 🩷 it means the world to me.

roman tags <3

@goldenispunk @littlevenicebitch69 @gaeela-6 @bean-is-reading @slutsoutgutsout

@galarian-weezing-on-prep @cum-a-calla @pastelpinkflowerlife @kolsmikaelson @moth-maam56

@kothku @cult-of-escapism @swiftiegirliepop @bluecookies-and-ink @romanarose

@kappasbbgirl @magpiepills @highinmiamiii @verstappensrealwife @thesummerpetrichor

@lilipads @luiscarrutherss @baronessvonglitter @myromeow

@ovaryacted @doll-0f-flesh @always-andromeda @causesimmer @pedropascalbabygirl

@baloobalee @slimybeth69 @pearlstiare @romanisbrat @callsignwidow @/ziggymars

[shiraishi--kanade]

See that's kind of the point of the post. Dr.House show or he as a character don't matter, it's not even a cult classic here or anything. It's just the image of hyper-competent, well-read, charismatic but overconfident doctor with a Passion is a very good speakpiece for state-sponsored (and oligarchy-backed) propaganda of private healthcare vs state-sponsored healthcare (which involves a lot of bureaucracy and waiting and doctors who are going through the motions). Nobody cares as much about the show or the character or the values they represent as how American healthcare presents itself to the outside world and that image is incredibly detached from reality. What is a parody or a satire to an American viewer becomes a honest to god truth to an elderly woman who has been rejected from a state clinic and called an attention seeker and also doesn't speak English because why would they lie? That's probably just how Americans live. Kinda like McDonald's and red solo cups and whatever, right? People don't even understand the (badly translated) conversations about insurance and co-pay and stuff because we don't have these terms here, it's either free or out of pocket, so all they see is an American doctor coming on screen in an American hospital and the patient being magically cured. So that's how America Is in our TV.

And the people in power who push for privatisation of healthcare can't be happier because they can blame all the bad shit that comes with that system on Americans. Or if that doesn't work, then our people are just not ready for the Enlightened and Efficient American System, and that argument shuts most people up because, and it's easy to forget it on Hating America Website, US state propaganda machine works twice as tirelessly on its outside image as it does on the inside. Fuck, I've met people who think groceries in Texas are free. In my immediate surrounding. Because they've read some fake post on Facebook about it. And they believed it because life here is just so bad they're clinging to the idea of America being a heaven on Earth in the hopes that if not themselves, their descendants will immigrate there and live a better life. Which is what US has been doing for centuries and is still doing now.

I understand the need to share the anecdotes but they won't matter because if I showed the above said to anyone, they wouldn't be able to read it. Less than 4% of my country's population can speak English enough to potentially get an office job in America. Less than 4%! The propaganda is so damn effective because people are not able to access actual Americans talking about it. Machine translation doesn't tackle texts with so much specific terminology. I believe your horrendous experiences, I've read enough about it, but it's so starkly contrasted with the fantasy of perfect American healthcare that even when I tell other people how it is they don't believe me. They call me anti-American and right-wing because of how tightly the Americanism and left-wing politics are tied here. It's only when the things I tell people will happen if we transition to private healthcare start to happen they start to believe me.

I told my mother you have to pay for an abundance in USA in... What, 2018? and she told me I'm buying into propaganda because surely not. Now we have paid ambulances. And I fucking told her and she didn't believe me.

And for as long as for-profit healthcare continues to exists in America, ours remains in danger because you can't convince people who wholeheartedly believe America to be heaven on Earth that America may have done something Badly. So fuck yeah, I'm rejoicing the shooting as well because it's just barely enough for some citizens of my country to go "wait, if even their own people are shooting the ceos... Maybe health insurance bad?". Thanks god for the wake-up call.

In case anyone's wondering why am I so pissed off about for-profit healthcare when I'm not American it's 1) I care about other human beings 2) stupid ass backwards politicians in MY country are trying to build for-profit healthcare to replace our free one with it and when people rightfully complain they go "waaa we're learning from our American colleagues!! You know how great American healthcare is!! Right?? Dr.House?? Everyone's seen Dr. House right??" and it fucking works because people here have no idea how the actual American healthcare looks and have seen Dr. House. So there

[cr33pz-mck3nna]

hey, it’s the same anon who requested the yandere carnival trio hcs, and i absolutely ADORED THEM!!! i was wondering if i could get the same thing but poly (with the reader), and it could be a oneshot or hcs!! up to you! :)

POLY YANDERE HEADCANONS WITH THE CARNIVAL TRIO

Warning: My versions of the carnival trio and mentions of yandere themes and death

Chaos level: 10/10

Yandere level: 10/10

• If you read the last headcanons you would know that none of these men like sharing

• When all three realized they all fell for you it was actually Candy who suggested that they share you, as for Jason and Jack..they were already preparing for war-

• Would absolutely immediately snatch you up just to ask you if you agree to them sharing you, very blunt about it(or in Jason and Jack's case..ask which one you like more-)

• Love bombing. Love bombing. LOVE BOMBING. They don't even mean to, they're just trying to one up each other until you're crying dying of cuteness under a pile of gifts and animals, both stuffed and real-

• Even as a poly couple Candy is still the most loving and understanding, he may not have the same human emotions and sanity as you but he tries to understand them and make sure you're happy with them at all times. Jack is just plain old insensitive due to his own lack of knowledge while Jason is flat out uncomfortable with human emotions, he doesn't understand them but unlike Jack and Candy he is the closest to a human and feels similar things to them.

• Trust me, no matter their stabilityJason or what they may say in the heat of the momentJack, they LOVE you, or as close as they can get to love.

• If you thought in the Yandere headcanons that their trust with you around the crps was bad...whooo boy- It's the fact that they are sharing you...and you let them? Yeah they're NEVER letting you around the crps.

• None of these bitches even remembered that birthdays existed until Jane or Hoodie gave them a present to give you and then it registered...that day is going down in history for the most hectic day next to the day Slender came back from vacation a day early.

• Not many things are different with it being a poly relationship, these bitches still think that living children is a good present, they still will (reluctantly) return them if you ask them to

• They fight.everyday.possibly even worse since y'all got together.

• You and Candy will refer to the four of you as partners, Jason and Jack are still in denial and just call it "A sharing transaction" like they don't have the worst sexual tension out of the four of y'all

• If you left..Candy would shut down completely, no more bubbly joy, only doing his job..Jason would snap, I don't think anyone would ever see him again..Jack, most surprising out of all of them, would cry, everyone knows that he collects bodies well his new collection? People who look like you.

• If you died...I don't think even Zalgo could stop these three from destroying the entire world for you. They would kill every living thing, and if humanity won and managed to kill them then nobody would find their bodies..because they would return to your grave(or your body if you haven't been buried yet) and die next to you.

OMG I WAS WAITING FOR THIS REQUEST!!! I'm SO happy you liked the other headcanons and my mind may not be fully awake yet but I TRIED MY BEST AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY THESE!! Little funfact: Three of my earliest ocs, a trio of guys, were heavily based off the carnival trio so my little shitheads helped me with writing this! As always, my requests are open just read some of my previous posts to get an idea of the kinda things I write and pls read the pinned post. Tata for now my lovely little gremlins! -Creepz

[amethystia1208]

One Piece Men As Fathers

Part two here

Monkey D. Luffy

Luffy as a father….whooo boy

Is most likely more of a boy dad than a girl dad, but if he does have daughters, he wouldn’t mind at all.

He will fight your children for food. You can’t tell me he wouldn’t. They may be his kids, but it’s also his food.

He will also forget that he even has kids sometimes. It would go something like this: “Luffy, have you seen the baby?” “Eh? What baby?” “Our baby, Luffy! Your son/daughter!” “Oooooooh, that baby! Yeah I left them with Zoro.” “And where’s Zoro?” “Knowing him, he could be anywhere!”

You don’t leave him alone with the baby after that.

Ability to cheer baby up is a solid 8.5/10. With his Devil Fruit, he can stretch his face into the most absurd expressions and the baby will be laughing and happy in no time flat.

Roronoa Zoro

Just from the way he is with Chopper, you can already tell he’d be a good dad.

He’s definitely very overprotective, no matter what gender your child is, he makes it his life mission to protect them.

Will take regular naps with the baby, and doesn’t mind being woken up by them if they get upset.

Gives them a baby sized sword when they’re old enough to hold it, much to the protests of the more logically minded Straw Hats (i.e. Nami, Jimbe, Robin, Sanji)

However, despite his strong qualities, he is not the worlds most perfect father.

For instance, your kid gets hurt? “Take a swig of this, you’ll forget all about it.” He says, holding out a bottle of sake.

You slap him for that.

Zoro’s ability to cheer baby up varies, I’d say. I’d go with maybe a 6/10

Vinsmoke Sanji

He is a girl dad. But will not be opposed to boys.

He strives to be both the perfect husband, and father, so you better believe that his kids are getting all the love from their dad.

One of your kids is a picky eater? He will figure out just what they like and make it exactly how they want it. He’ll even let them come into the kitchen with him and show him exactly how they want it.

Will not hesitate to spoil your children rotten. You practically have to reign him in every time he sees something he thinks they would like. And then you have to listen to the “But Y/n-chan! Think of how happy they would be!”

Just say no. He will charm you into bankruptcy if you don’t.

Will plan elaborate tea parties with his child, and will also get you to participate.

Will definitely teach the baby to hate Zoro from an early age, so you know exactly who to blame when your child points at said male and babbles “Marimo!”

Sanji has a proud Papa moment, before you whack him on the head.

Ability to cheer baby up is a 7.5/10. With the way he cooks, no one can stay upset for too long.

God Ussop

You’d better believe that your kids are getting the best story times ever with Usopp as their dad. He will spin the best stories, do all the voices, and even include his kids in the story.

At lease one of his kids gets his nose. The genetics are too strong.

He’s the best at doing his kids hair. No matter how long it may take, he will sit there and figure it out.

He has taught his children his “fight or flight” way of life, and they secretly judge him for it.

Like Zoro, gives them a baby sized slingshot, and everyone blames him once your child starts shooting at people.

His ability to cheer baby up is 4/10. In a stressful situation, Usopp has been known to blow things out of proportion, so that combined with an upset baby doesn’t really do anything good.

[ferocious-notes]

Whooo boy. Never posted a story before, but I guess...this is the year? It only took, what? Twenty years of lurking and one anxious necro-daddy?

Just angst with a screenshot of domestic fluff.

A Necromancer's Legacy (Gen - General Audiences)

Summary:

"But it’s a lie and they are both gone. Father followed Mother after her bones were returned to him from the Deep Roads in a plain wooden box. For a creature once of the Fade, it’s too much, too fast to fully understand, but he thinks that it is worse for Sister." In which Manfred becomes more than Curiosity.

Below the cut or on AO3

A Necromancer's Legacy

The young woman sitting beside him on the stone bench outside the embalming chamber is a tall, gangly thing. Her hair is long, impossibly straight and dark, her eyes a touch too green to truly be called hazel, though there are flecks of warm brown around her pupils.

Already an accomplished Mortalitasi, she’s not a full Watcher, not yet. She will be, of course.  Would be on her brilliance and talent alone, but her parentage makes it a certainty. She’s been whispering to corpses before she was old enough to understand there was a difference between alive and dead. Some say her father was like that, as a little boy, though there are few around to remember him as an orphan ward of the Grand Necropolis. 

The bones of the Necropolis remember. The bones now lying on the slab of marble in the cold room behind them remember best of all. Those bones, still resting in flesh, are undergoing the rights that he and the young woman are meant to be participating in. Yet, right now he waits and watches her pick at her fingers, anxiety settling in to become a toxic ally to a cold shard of grief. She is afraid, but he is there to be her protector as he promised himself he would be the moment she came screaming into this plane of existence. Sister. 

“Fred,” she says quietly, fingers now raw and bleeding, gripping the edge of the bench.

“Yep,” a travesty of language, he knows, but how he has always answered her.     

“Will you do Papa’s voice? Like you used to?” 

He tilts his head, taking in the weight of her request. 

Mother’s eyes, large and green like his own, had gone wide the first time he’d performed this wondrous trick of mimicry. Of course, he’d started with the first voice he’d ever known. The one that had called him out of the Fade not once, but twice. The voice that had guided him on this path of greater sentience. 

He’d perform this trick to make Sister laugh. Simple things, like saying phrases Father would never use. 

Sister has eyes that are sad, like Mother’s always were. They are silently begging him to trick her now. To let her believe that behind the door they must both enter soon that Father is still in the corpse that awaits its final disposition. 

But it’s a lie and they are both gone. Father followed Mother after her bones were returned to him from the Deep Roads in a plain wooden box. For a creature once of the Fade, it’s too much, too fast to fully understand, but he thinks that it is worse for Sister. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Lacy.” 

“Please, I swear, I’ll never, ever ask again.” 

If he could sigh, a deep breath full of vexation, he would, because he knows he cannot deny Sister anything. She was his, from the very moment of her birth. So, to please her, he dips his mandible to his ribs. When he picks up his head again, he says in perfect, plummy tones: 

“Andraste’s flaming tits, it’s hotter than a Rivani’s balls out here!”

Sister lets out a snorting laugh. A real laugh, head thrown back, heels drumming on the stone floor. She rocks to her side, head coming to rest on his shoulder, her hand gripping his over his glove. 

Manfred is filled with what he thinks might be called wistfulness as he remembers Emmrich Volkarin in his chair by the fire, pointedly ignoring Manfred and Lace, until something so outrageous is said in his voice that he glares at them both over spectacles perched on the bridge of his nose. He would clear his throat and shake his head, regretting very much ever teaching either of them to talk. Avis Thorne, sometimes called Rook, would pat Manfred on the skull before twinning her arms around her beloved’s shoulders and kissing his temple, reassuring him that it was all meant out of affection. 

“I miss him so much,” Sister sniffs, “and Ma.” 

“So do I.” Curiosity cannot miss what has become familiar, but he doesn’t think he’s been Curiosity for some time. Perhaps not truly since he disobeyed Father in Johanna Hezenkoss’ laboratory. Curiosity became Study, and after a number of years, Expertise. “But they’re not really gone.” 

“I know, they’re part of the Fade now,” she repeats Navarran belief like the dutiful daughter of the Mourn Watch she is. But that is not what he meant. 

He sees so much of Father in her, as everyone does. But Mother is there too, in Sister’s will of steel. 

Her kind heart belonged to them both.

“Are you ready,” he asks his new ward, lifting the pale hand already clasped in his. She nods and they both stand to face what is beyond the door behind them. 

It’s that kind heart, so like the scholar's that called to him long ago, that he will protect until it too stops beating and is bequeathed to the next generation, whose minds will twirl and send tantalizing, shiny reflections of curiosity into the Fade.

For what is curiosity to a scholar but the first tender step towards devotion. 

And what is devotion, but love. 

[xdaddysprincessxx]

Congrats on 800, Prinny!

my thot:

Joel is a truck driver and reader is a hitch hiker he picked up several states before. They get along well enough (no sex...yet) THEN! one day, another hitch hiker approaches Joel looking for a ride - Ezra. He wants to know if you're available for some fun, and Joel has to decide if it's just him who gets you or if he's got room in his bunk for a threesome...

I leave the rest in your ever capable and good hands, baby!

Beefro👌🥩💜

Ride

Joel x F!reader x Ezra

18+, this is grump x sunshine x2, we got ass eating, ass spanking, 1 face slap, double penetration, and more. Very barely edited, not beta’d all mistakes are mine, read at your own risk. Also again 18+ , minors fuck off thank you

Word count: 3,200 - “Drabble” lmaoooo yea it got away from me.

REO Speedwagon flowed through the truck speakers as you reach your hand out the open window, letting the wind move your hand up and down. You’ve kicked your bare feet up on the dash as you hum along quietly. Your companion, Joel, lets out a grunt as he gives you a side eyed glance. It’s been a couple of months since he picked you up on the side of the highway. Unhappy with how life was, you decided to say fuck this, packed a small bag and headed out for whatever adventure came your way. Unfortunately you didn’t plan on your car dying on you half way across the country. Which is how you found yourself stranded at a gas station in Nevada. There was a hotel next to it that you were able to get a room at. One morning you packed up and started walking down the highway. You didn’t go too far in case no one picked you up, you could still walk back to the hotel.

Wearing your shortest daisy duke shorts with an old white tshirt tied up in the front, you were determined to hitch a ride. Lo and behold here comes a semi truck just driving along. Quickly you stopped and stuck your thumb out to signal you needed a ride. At first the truck kept going but soon the driver pulled over. Smiling real big you started to run towards the truck.

Climbing up the side, you stuck your head in the window,

“Well hello there handsome. You got room for little ole me to join?”

The driver had a permanent scowl on his face it seemed. Very easy on the eyes, a soft belly that hung over his pants as he sat.

“Hop in darlin.” He said in a deep, gruff voice.

Something about the handsome, thick driver got you going. You could already feel yourself getting wet just from this small interaction.You couldn’t help but think of how much trouble you just found yourself in.

Present Day

It’s been a few weeks since Joel picked you up. A part of you is surprised he hasn’t dropped you off and left yet. Another part of you hopes he never does. For the most part Joel doesn’t talk a lot. He hasn’t really opened up about himself to you. But you are a talker, you love to chat and boy do you.

Leaned back with your bare feet on the dash with your hand outside the window, moving with the wind.

“I heard it from a friend whooo heard it from a friend who heard it from another you been messing around” you softly sang out loud. Turning your head to face Joel, giving him a big smile.

Joel returned your smile with a soft smile of his own.

Something about you has captivated him. Your beauty stunned him the first time he saw you. You had a pretty mouth he often daydreamed of but your little talking habit drove him crazy. As time went on though he found he actually enjoys hearing you go on and on about everything and nothing all at once. And now that’s he’s spent all this time with you, he’s not so willing to let you go. Ever. Whether you agreed or not, in Joel’s mind, you were his.

“Hey! Look! A hitchhiker! Can we help him Joel? Please? Like how you helped me?” You batted your eyelashes and gave him your best puppy dog eyes.

Joel saw a man walking down the highway, sticking his thumb out.

Looking at you, he rolled his eyes and let out a deep sigh. Without saying anything Joel pulled the truck over and the two of you waited on the man to catch up to the truck.

Ezra was a traveler, always on the move. The past few weeks he’s been spending his time in this little town keeping this pretty lady’s bed warm. That was until her husband came home and chased him away. Now he finds himself walking down this almost deserted highway. He has given up hope of finding a ride when he heard a truck rumbling behind him. As soon as he heard the engine he stuck his thumb out hoping the driver would be a Good Samaritan. The truck drove on by making Ezra let out a huff as he kicked the gravel up with his boot. As he looked back up he saw the truck pull over.

‘Holy shit it’s my lucky day after all’, he thought to himself as he started into a light jog to get to the truck as soon as he could.

Stepping up on the side steps, he gets up to the window and sees the prettiest little thing sitting passenger and . . A handsome old grump behind the wheel.

“ Hey there, any way I can catch a ride with you fine folks today? Destination doesn’t matter, just somewhere far from here.”

“Yea! We can take you with us! Hop in!” You reply in a higher pitched tone, sounding extra excited than one should sound when picking up a hitchhiker. You couldn’t help it though. The man was gorgeous. He had this little blonde patch of hair, beautiful, dark brown eyes and the most sweet sounding voice you’ve ever heard. As much as you’ve wanted Joel, he’s never given you any hint that he wants you in that way. And you’ve been dying to itch a particular scratch that you feel this hitchhiker could really scratch for you.

Giving you a big smile, Ezra pulls the door handle, opening the door as you get up and move to sit on the bunk between the two seats.

“Names Ezra. Nice to meet ya,” he puts his hand out towards Joel to shake.

“Joel.”

He says in a flat tone as he shakes his hand.

Ezra quickly gets the feeling that Joel isn’t much of a people person. He can see why Joel has such a pretty little companion as yourself, Joel’s handsome. Gruff and firm, no nonsense kind of guy. He wonders if he’s the type to be dominant in bed. Manhandle his partner and just throw them around, mold them into any position he wants. His own cock twitch’s at the thought.

“And who might you be young lady?”

You tell him your name as you let out a soft giggle, smiling and give him a little flutter of your lashes.

“What brings you out here Ezra?” You ask in your best flirty voice.

“Bit of a traveler. A nomad if you will. Don’t like to stay in one place too long. Wanna see the world ya know?”

“That’s so . . Romantic. Always on the move, seeing what the world has to offer. I bet you’ve met some wonderful people. Seen a lot beautiful women huh?”

Ezra can’t help but give you a smirk, loving how forward you are.

“Haven’t met anyone as beautiful as you honey.”

Joel loudly clears his throat making the both of you startle slightly and look at him.

“What about you handsome? With a pretty little thing by your side I’m sure you never look twice at anyone else huh?”

Joel’s jaw ticks as he gives Ezra this mean stare.

“This “pretty little thing” over here is mine,” he says bluntly before looking back at you, “and I don’t appreciate you throwing yourself at the first man you see like a filthy fucking whore.”

Your mouth drops open, you’re stunned.

“Hey now no need to call her names. I get it, she’s off limits. No need to get mean buddy. I didn’t know.”

You turn your head giving Ezra a confused look before turning back to Joel.

“Excuse me but I am not yours. I am a free woman and on top of that you have never claimed me before now. I can do what I want with who I want thank you very much.”

Joel is pissed now, he pushes the arm rest back before swinging one of his legs to the side, opening his legs wide and then grabbing your upper arm and pulling you towards him. You stumble as you fall over his lap, his arm wrapping over your back holding you in place. His large hand covers the globes of your ass as he rubs it from the top down to the curve of your ass.

“You’re.” Smack. “Mine.” Smack.

He just spanked you. He actually spanked you. If you weren’t in shock over him claiming you, you definitely were now.

He gives you another smack and a whimper came tumbling out of your mouth. You didn’t even have a chance to try and conceal it. Joel stopped moving, hearing you whimper from his actions. He knew you’d be into some freaky shit. He looks over and sees Ezra sitting there, almost mesmerized by the display in front of him.

“Take your cock out.” Joel orders Ezra.

Stunned and very much turned on, he does what he says and takes his cock out of his pants. Spitting into his hand he brings it back down and slowly starts stroking himself.

Joel looks back down at you in his lap, the bottom of your ass spilling out of the little shorts you have on. He reaches down taking his fore and middle finger and rubs a long stripe up your pussy through your shorts.

“I guess I haven’t been taking care o’ ya. My girls pussy needs to be fucked don’t it? Poor thing. I’m sorry baby let’s fix that.”

His hand pulls back before he gives your clothed pussy a slap.

A wanton moan fills the cab of the truck.

He helps you up, sitting you on his lap. You see Ezra watching, touching himself. You can feel yourself begin to soak your shorts. You face Joel and lean in, your lips softly landing on his. You start to pull away when Joel kisses you back, grabbing the side of your face as he deepens the kiss. You allow his tongue to enter, licking around, tasting each other. All too soon Joel pulls back. He hand goes to your face, squishing your cheeks together between his thumb and fore finger. He rotates you to look at Ezra.

“Our guest looks like he needs some help baby. Be a good host, open up that pretty mouth.”

As soon as he releases your face, you get on your knees, in between the two seats, looking up at Ezra as you reach out and take him in your hand. You grip around the base, giving him a couple of tugs before leaning in and kissing the tip. You give it another kiss before you open your mouth, your tongue darting out to taste the precum leaking out. You slowly start to take him into your mouth. Lips wrapped around his cock as you take as much of him as you can. His cock is about 6 inches, rather average but very girthy. You keep reminding yourself in your head to breath and relax. The more you relax the more you can swallow his cock. You start bobbing your head up and down as he watches you, letting out soft moans that spur you on.

Soon you feel Joel pull your hips up and work quickly on taking your shorts off. You pull off of Ezra’s cock with a wet pop as you go to pull your shirt off, revealing your tits to the men.

“Fffuckk.” Ezra mutters before leaning forward and taking a nipple into his mouth. You moan as you tangle your fingers into his hair, holding the back of his head to your breast as he sucks. You hear Joel behind you unbuttoning his pants and lewdly spitting on his hand.

“Lean back down baby let me see those sweet holes.”

Ezra releases your tit so you can bend over for Joel. You bend over, keeping your ass in the air as you take Ezra’s cock back into your mouth. Giving it a few sucks and finding a decent rhythm, your hand lets go so you can reach back and spread your ass cheeks open for Joel.

“That’s it baby just like that.” Joel grunts. He spits on his forefinger and middle finger and swirling it around your puckered hole. He slowly pushes one finger in your ass making you choke on Ezra’s cock.

His finger stills inside, wiggling his finger around a few times before pulling back out. His other hand comes up and starts rubbing your wet pussy. Quickly finding your clit and giving it a few rubs before pushing his finger back into your ass. Joel finds a rhythm fast, rubbing your pussy as he fingers your ass. The sensation alone has you on edge, you begin to move faster on Ezra’s cock.

Joel starts to add a second finger in your ass causing you to let out a little welp.

“J-Joel! That’s too much! I can’t take it!”

“Shh baby you’re taking it. Taking it just fine. Let me kiss it better.”

Removing his fingers, Joel leans forward, holding your cheeks apart, licking a wide stripe up your ass. Your hands now on Ezra’s legs to keep yourself up right. You and Ezra lock eyes as you moan, feeling Joel swirl his tongue around your asshole, licking into it, making your pussy spasm around nothing.

Ezra cups your face, “That feel good sugar? You like feeling his tongue in such a forbidden hole? I bet your poor sweet pussy must be leaking by now.”

You can’t help but let out a sob. You need more, your neglected clit needs friction.

“Shh I know baby I know, let him French kiss that sweet hole. Let him make your sweet honey drip so we may feast.”

Joel pulls back, spit dripping down his chin,

“Get on the bed Ezra.”

He puts his arm under you, pulling you up. You fall back onto Joel, your legs shaking unable to hold you up.

Ezra makes quick work of taking his boots and pants off, pulling his shirt off as he slides by you to get on the bunk.

Once he’s settled on the bed laying on his back, Joel helps you get on the bunk next.

“Lay on top of him baby. You, hold her open for me.” He orders the two of you.

Ezra pulls you on top of him, your back against his chest. His hands holding the backs of your thighs, right behind your knee as your legs are bend. Holding you wide open. You can feel his cock in between your open cheeks.

Joel undresses and climbs on the bunk facing you.

“Goddamn. Never seen something more sinful or fucking beautiful than this.” He reaches down and grabs ahold of Ezra’s cock and starts pushing the tip towards your puckered hole.

“Joel! Nno! I- I can’t it won’t fit! Please!” You try to move but Ezra’s got a tight grip on you.

“Shh baby it’ll fit, I got you nice and ready back here. He’ll go slow baby.”

He watches your hole as the tip goes in, he takes his other hand and brings it to your pussy and starts rubbing circles on your clit.

You throw your head back and let out a moan, finally getting some friction on your cunt feels so good, you feel your whole body relax, momentarily forgetting about your asshole.

“That’s it baby let it happen,” he whispers before leaning forward and pulling your clit between his lips and sucking. His hand that guided the other man’s cock in you made its way down to his balls, giving them a soft squeeze. Hearing him moan with you is making Joel’s cock leak. Ezra’s cock is almost all of the way in your ass now and it feels so good. You feel stuffed just from him.

Joel sits back up and just admires the two of you.

Taking himself in his hand he moves closer and swipes his cock through your folds a few times before slowly pushing into your pussy.

Your mouth is hanging wide open, your chest heaving as you watch Joel push you past any limits you could’ve had. Having both men now inside of you is an indescribable feeling. It’s a fullness like no other.

“ Oh fuck you both feel utterly divine. This must be heaven.” Ezra says breathlessly as he lays there inside of you, able to feel the weight of Joel’s cock inside your pussy.

“Move Ezra, go on. Let’s make her feel good.”

“Yes sir.”

He gives an experimental thrust, bouncing you slightly making Joel sink deeper into you.

He starts to build up a tempo, thrusting up into you while Joel stays still above you.

Soon Joel moves, finding a rhythm with Ezra. As one moves out the other moves in.

You can’t help but close your eyes as you lean back in ecstasy.

Joel’s quick to grab your throat, squeezing just right to make your eyes fly open.

“Keep your eyes on me baby, you will watch when I’m fucking you. Do you understand?”

Joel slaps you, not hard but enough to leave a slight sting. Your face turns slightly, the hand around your throat not giving you much movement. A wanton moan spilling from your lips.

“Yes Joel I’m s-sorry baby I won’t take my eyes off you again nngh ohh oh fuck oh fuck you feel so good. So full.”

Joel starts pounding harder into you, still squeezing your throat. Ezra’s holding onto your legs for dear life, the friction of Joel’s dick rubbing against him has him ready to burst.

“F-fuck nngh take our cum baby take every fucking drop you hear me?” Joel groans, you can tell both men are close.

“Mhmm cum inside me baby cum inside my little whore cunt. Mark my ass Ezra, I wanna feel you leak out of my holes oooh oh fuck oh fuck please cum baby!”

You reach down and start rubbing furiously at your clit, sending right over the edge. You let out a scream as you start coming, vision going blurry as tears escape your eyes. Your orgasm hitting you like a truck.

Both men soon follow right behind you, spilling their seed deep inside both of your holes.

All three of you still, breathing heavy as Joel pulls out. Ezra’s soft cock slips out right after him as he lets go of your legs.

“Hold on baby don’t move.” Joel tells you before reaching down in between the bunk and the drivers seat, pulling out an old school Polaroid camera.

Aiming the camera at you and Ezra he snapped a shot and a Polaroid came spitting out. He grabbed the photo and sat it by his leg. Then he leaned forward and snapped another pic, this one a close up of your cunt and asshole leaking cum. Taking both photos and placing them on his seat before laying down next to Ezra as he pulls you into the middle.

No one really said a word. It was just the three of you, laying together, soft smiles shared, basking in the soft embrace of each other before falling asleep.

A/n: omg lmao so this was meant to be a drabble, this is one hell of a drabble 😂🤷🏻‍♀️ thank you so so much for such a beautiful thot my sweet beef baby @beefrobeefcal !! I hope you love this! I hope yall enjoy this! I really loved writing this and thank you again for following me, reading, interacting, all of it! You guys are the best!

[anitalianfrie]

so, after trials and tribulations and many many insults thrown the way of bad quality vhs, i proudly present you: the translation of the video of vale's eighteen birthday!

when there were long pauses between the dialogue, i put the timestamp before it. my comments are between [] .

video and translation under the cut :)

Vale (VO): the “Valentino Rossi production” presents, in collaboration with the idiots of Tavullia, this epic footage. 

Vale(VO): Valentino Rossi, the man, the rider, the moron, turns eighteen 

Vale(VO): there’s a new name in the register of the Carabinieri [cops] of Tavullia, it’s him, Valentino Rossi, the kid with a man’s body and the IQ of a boiled zucchini. He gets from his father a great shaft and the brain of the chicken he used to keep on a leash. Valentino Rossi, the man, the rider, the moron, when he gets interviewed he says about himself “I’m Valentino Rossi” and then he loses his focus. He doesn’t like to define himself a nepo baby because he doesn’t know what it means. The one who merges the spirit of a rider with the hair of a folk drummer. Everybody seeks him, everybody calls him, but once they get to talk with him they mourn the loss of the answering machine. 

Vale(VO): contacted by the Philip Morris International for a contract of billions, he declines the offer because he doesn’t smoke. Valentino Rossi, he rocks! And the Aprilia makes a wheelie. 

Vale(VO): the next one will be his second year of competing in the world championship, but he still thinks he’s riding on a minibike, and he’s perpetually desolated because after the chequered flag he can’t find the turtle on his helmet. Nowadays, he’s the only rider paid by the Japanese to stay with Aprilia. Let’s enter his kingdom, his home, thing that sometimes he can’t do because he topples over in his ape car in the parking lot below. 

(4.44) 

Boy1: Marshall 

Boy2: Oh, let me look at the video 

Boy1: Marshall 

Boy2: C’mon, get out of there 

Boy1: Marshall. What then? 

Vale: How are you? 

Boy2: Nice, with the Marshall starting 

Vale: Cosmic 

[i have honestly no clue what this conversation is supposed to mean. It might be an inside joke, or they could be taking about an actual marshal of the Carabinieri] 

Int: Valentino Rossi, how does it feel to be eighteen? 

Vale: eh, how does it feel... eighteen years old, it’s an important age, we’ve all become a bit older, I have – rather than we have – gotten more mature compared to when i was younger, you don’t do the things you used to anymore, we’re all way calmer, basically now is... now it’s time to leave the fun behind and to get serious 

(6.26) 

Vale(behind the camera): Come on! Super risky! 

Vale: Do it here! 

Vale: Go again! 

Vale: Now it’s sure [unintelligible] get down! 

Vale (after the guy “jumps” with the bike): You need, you need the feeler gauge to measure how high he jumped! We measure it with gauge! (laughs) 

Boy: even the wheels! 

Boy: vale? 

Vale: eh? 

Boy: turn it off 

Boy: incredibly- 

Vale: wait, wait- okay, now go, a comment on this sensational jump- super high, a jump out of this world, done by Michele 

Boy: incredibly, the wheels touched the ground even on the [unintelligible] 

Michele: that’s thanks to the suspensions, really... optimal, that let me- 

Vale: a question Michi, wait- 

Michele: -all this speed, and... 

Vale: I’m zooming on you... but how did you do it? 

Michele: Oh God, i don’t- 

Vale: fucking hell, it was sensational, a- 

Michele: the good thing is- 

Vale: -mind-blowing jump 

Michele: did you see how i got down? 

Vale: ah- fuck, no 

Michele: you didn’t see it? 

Vale: it was out of the thingy, out of the lens and.... now we try the calibre and we measure [unintelligible] 

Voices: Whooo, let’s go!  

Vale: show off!! 

Vale: now we will show you a trick, that even Orfei [name of a famous circus]- Orfei came to Tavullia and asked us to perform it. Look. It’s on the verge of the unpredictable 

(8.46) 

Boy1: Oh god 

Boy2: another Panda 

Boy2: three motor scooters, incredible, incredible! 

[tansyuduri]

Merlin Loregasm Rewatch S1E9

Hi Everyone! Welcome to my rewatch of Merlin focusing on the lore. I am a giant nerd so pretty excited about this. We’re on EXCALIBUR

Uther: Do you solemnly Swear to govern the peoples of this kingdom and their dominions according to the statutes, customs, and laws, Laid down by your forebearers,

Arthur: I do Sire

Uther: Do you promise to exercise mercy and justice, in your deeds and judgments?

Arthur: I do Sire

Uther: And do you swear allegiance to Camelot now and for as long as you shall live?

Arthur: I, Arthur pendragon, do pledge life and limb to your service And to the protection of the kingdom and it's peoples.

Uther: Now, being of age, And the Heir apparent, from hence forth you shall be crown prince of Camelot Okay so Arthur is now crown prince of Camalot. And of age. we know hes at Least 20 so of age is likley 21 in this world which is interesting because it implies lifespans are longer due to the more advanced medicine, Normally the medieval OF AGE was 16 years old. Also, see the golden ring placed around Arthurs head? Yeah thats called a Coronet and was traditionally worn by crown princes at formal occasions (Like we will see Arthur do)

It is a bit odd he was not considered crown prince already since he was the oldest royal child (And only royal child as far as people know) So even if Primogeniture (Inheridence by oldest son) was not a thing he would STILL be crown prince. See a crown prince IS the heir apparent of a royal kingdom. And Heir apparent is the one who is going to succeed the king. And cannot be displaces by the birth of another prince. So if he was heir apparent he pretty much was already was Crown prince. My guess is this is traditionally reaffirmed in Camalot when a prince comes of age,

I also like the use of the word peoples because it kinda hints that Camalot is big enough to have multiple peoples within its lands. Which if the theory from the Lancelot episode is true would be the case.

WHOOO Okay I think we have an answer. Devil is VERY Christian. So I'm going with there being some very weird semi paganized version of Christianity existing in Camalot that is left over from the Romans and just got mixed with local traditions. I therorized about this in one loregasm and I'm sticking with it because they ARE VERY MUCH not full on Catholic or Eastern Orthadox. And there are still a lot of pagan elements.

Throwing down a Gauntlet as a challenge is a custom of the late medieval era. It was considered a GRAVE insult and HAD to be picked up to accept the challenge if one wanted to keep ones honnor.

HI Sir Owain! Lesse in the original legends you were a Child of Urrian of Gore and Morgana. You had a pet Lion! You defeated a evil knight and married his widow, Then neglected your wife because you were too busy doing knight stuff. She ditches you and you go mad with grief and live naked in the woods. Then Morgana cures you and you win back your wife. Also, you are one of the last to die before Arthur at Cammlan. Have I mentioned how much I love that Merlin sometimes just goes NAH let's kill em instead?

Geof: Gaius thank god

Gaius: you know why I'm here

Geof: The black knight

Gaius: So it is he

Geof: you saw his crest

Gaius: have you confirmed it?

Geof: it is the crest of Tristan De Bois

Gaius: And he is the only knight ever to have carried such a crest

Geof: yes acording to the records

Okay this is a HUGE boon for us lore wise, See we don't know that much about the personality of Yygraines family. (or a ton about her's for that matter) BUT if it's his crest not a family crest it means HE picked it. So we can use heraldry to learn a bit about him!

So the symbol he uses is an Eagle this represents strength and courage and often has to do with military skill and leadership. It can also represent freedom, and independance and the ability to see things clearly. black represents constancy or grief and white peace and sincerity.

So Tristan was likely a strong man and military leader who was sincere and constant in his personality. He likley tended to perfer peace but when pushed to it would fight well. He might have been independent minded as well showing by making his own crest.

OOCLY the show could be telling us that it is likley telling us this man was RIGHT about Uther being at fault. One way or another. And his act in standing up to Uther was a courageous one. OR its also possible he took up this sigil after Ygraines's death If so his very crest and oufit is blaming and taunting Uther! But that is just my assessment!

HI Sir Pellinor! Lesse in the original legends you were the king of Listeoise (Lake District) Or of "the Illes." You killed king Lot, And hunted the Questing Beast relentlessly. You were killed by Gwaine. You were also Percival's dad. (Among other kids.)

Othanden can mean Out Of Hand in Danish. Otherwise I cannot find much on this. My guess is this battle would have taken place in the previously mentioned war with Mercia

Gaius: Tristan De Bois was the brother of Ygraine -- Uther's wife

Merlin: Arthur's Mother?

Gaius: Ygraine died in childbirth. He blamed Uther and came to the gates of Camalot and Challanged him.

Merlin: to single combat?

Gaius: Uther won, but with his dying breath Traistan cursed Camalot to one day suffer his return. I thought it was the ramblings of a dying man. People Estimate the chances of death in childbirth in the middle ages to be the cause of 50 percent of young female fatalities. Giving birth was incredably dangerous. (And most woman did it many time though less so in the Merlin world) For in the actual birthing process and the chance of childbed fever afterward. So this is likley an early clue to the fact that there was somthing supernatural going on with Arthur's birth. No one in their right mind blamed a man for the death of their wife in childbirth ESPECIALLY if said wife was having their first birth and not too old or too young.

Now in the Merlin world I would guess death in childbirth of woman is at a much lower rate. For two reasons. First of all The more advanced medicine would make it a bit less common. (Though they do not have modern medicine or germ theory or modern technology so not by much) The other reason being IN merlin families seem to be small compared to the huge ones of the middle ages. (Hinting Child Mortality is not as high) So less chances for a woman to die. STILL it likely would have been fairly common.

Now to the interesting fact that Ygraine came from France! Implying contact and trade with them. See Ygraine is the french version of Arthur's mother's name And we've talked about the last name in previous posts.

"Came to the gates of Camalot castle and challenged him" is interesting because it means he was not in Camalot. SO HOW would he know about Uther's involvement in Ygraine's death? My guess is it lies in the "one day suffer his return" See here we have another "How would he know." My guess is the man was some sort of seer. Or magic user. Ygraine was said to have been pretty friendly with many magic users. It's possible magic (or being a seer) ran in her family. The other option of her somehow writing him and knowing about the whole magic to conceive thing is also possible but doesn't explain knowing he would return, Nimue could just have been using something he said randomly but I don't really think so? OR he was just crazy? And was attacking Uther for what he thought was a normal childbirth death? That would be REALLY weird. though. And the later "it was magic that killed her not I" and "never the less it was you he blamed" Seems to go against this option

Gaius: My guess is we're dealing with a Wraith.

Merlin: A wraith?

Gaius: The spirit of a dead man conjured from the grave.

Merlin: So this is the work of a sorcerer

Gaius: Powerful Magic can harness the greif and rage of a demanted soul and make it live again

Merlin: How do we stop it?

Gaius: We can't, Because its not alive no mortal weapon can kill it

Merlin: Surly there must be somthing

Gaius: Nothing can stop it until it has achived what it came for

Merlin: And what's that

Gaius: Revenge.

Wraith is a Scottish word for ghost that has become a more general term. It can also mean the exact likeness of a person seen before death as a death omen, (A soul who was on the verge of death or recently passed on) From there the meaning has evolved to many many different things.

Geoferry is not in on it! Its likely Arthurs birth magic is not in the court records of the purge! (Theorized about this perviously)

Uther: Havn't you tired of revenge?

Nimueh: Haven't you? You Began this war when you threw me from the court and salughtered all of my kind

Uther: you brought it on yourself you practiced evil

Nimueh: I was your freind Uther, You welcomed me here

Uther: you betrayed that freindship

Nimueh: I did as you asked I used the magic you so despise to give your barren wife the son you craved

Uther: Don't ever speak of her in that way She was my heart, My soul, and you took her from me.

Nimueh: She died giving birth to your son. it was not my choice. That is the law of Magic. to create a life there had to be a death, the balance of the world had to be repaired

Uther: you knew it would kill her

Nimueh: No you're wrong. If I had forseen her death and the terrible retrebution you would seek. I would never have granted your wish.

Ok first of all we know from later Nimugh has a bit of control of who dies. Hinting that something interfered here causing it to be Ygraine. (I totally don't have headcanons about this you will eventually see in my fics)

ALSO, I find it interesting he says "Evil" not "evil sorcery," I think he truly belives all magic is evil. I mean every villain is a good guy in their own mind.

BUT he was also freinds with Nimueh and welcomed her to Camalot. So he didn't always think all magic was evil. It seems it truely was Ygraines death that caused that. I always wondered if part was just an excuse in his mind because he was insecure that other people had so much power and perhaps helped him build the kingdom with it. So they could tear it down. I think Nimueh was court sorcerer. And helped him take over the kingdom, but that's just my headcannon.

Also gotta wonder what kinda person Ygraine was that Uther fell so deeply in love with her.

Geoff: Well several fables speak of Ancient swords

=Merlin: that can kill the dead?"

Geoff: The swords the fables speak of could destroy anything alive or dead.

Merlin: can you show me one of these fables"

Geoff: welll let me think, yes

(Later)

Goef: this is the chronicle of Beltane, now then, ah were we are 'Sir Marhaus looked at the great sword, begotten in the dragons breath and found it passing good"

Sir Marhaus was the son of the king of ireland and his sister was the queen of Ireland and a knight of the Round Table in folklore. Beltane as we addressed is celebrated may 1st! So this book is the chronicles of a holiday on May 1st

Merlin: I've come to ask for a sword. The strongest sword your father's ever made

Gwen: What for?

Merlin: To save Arthur (Cut to latter but continuation of this scene so keeping it here)

Gwen: My father's been saving this. Hes always said it was the best sword he's ever made.

Merlin: its perfect

Gwen: He'll kill me if he find's I've taken it

Merlin: He'll understand, You did it for arthur. I've talked about this before but this is more evidence that Gwen's family, while commoners, are not the same level of poor as most. Making swords and armor, especially good ones was a skilled art. And those things were EXPENSIVE. Tom is not the royal swordsmith so its HIGHLY likely he rivals the royal swordsmith in skill enough to have some knights of Camalot (The people who can actually afford arms and armor) Buy or get repairs done from him instead. (This is a big deal he must be VERY good) There are not many other people he could be making swords and armor for. I suppose there might be some mercenaries and freelancers who are rich enough for swords and perhaps VERY RARLY full on armor. He makes armor that is of the quality nobles wear, And can afford to just give it to people. we know this from Lancelot. I think he must do other typical blacksmithing AND Arms and armor for knights. So I see two possibilities. Either they consistently live at a level above the poverty of most commoners

OR Every now and then he gets a commission that makes them richer for a bit. With Gwen ALSO being such a good seamstress and Also considering they seem to be able to give away armor (Cough Lancelot cough) I think the first option is more likely, or perhaps its a mix of the two. To be clear they are not rich. I'm not saying they are rich. I'm saying they seem to be above most commoners in wealth. Also, wealth did not matter as much as Class in the middle ages anyway.

Him putting his best sword away might be some form of insurance He's still a commoner and is not guaranteed work because he is not the royal smith. And what if there is some emergency or a time when he doesn't get any of the fine commissions for a while?

Uther: You knew that one day this business would come back to haunt me.

Gaius: not quite so litteraly

Uther: I should have listened to you. You said that no good would come of using witchcraft at Arthur's birth

Gaius: you wanted an heir you thought it was the only way.

Uther: Nimueh told me there would be a pice to pay

Gaius: You weren't to know that price would be Ygraines life

OKAY first of all does this mean that GAIUS was not the one to suggest using magic? Then WTF was Uther talking about in that conversation about something being stupid to do "because Gaius said it was so" back in the poisoned chalice? Was Gaius just the messanger? It means it might explain more why Gauis lived if he was not the one to suggust it. Perhaps Uther asked Gaius if he knew a way and Gaius said he did but no good would come of it? Or Gaius was indeed just the messenger? BUT WHY DID HE NEED A MESSENGER IF NIMUEH WAS AT COURT. I swear when this is all done I'm going over all of these and doing a summary of possible answers to some questions!

Merlin: will your Bunrish it to save Arthur

Killy: The dead do not return without reason, who has he come for.

Merlin: Uther

Killy: Then let him take his Vengance and the wraith will die without my aid.

Merlin: But it's Arthur who is going to fight him! You have to save him

Killy: That is your destany young warlock not mine

Merlin: But if Arthur fights the wraith and dies camalot will have no heir, I will have no destany

Killy: A weapon forged with my assistance will have great power

Merlin: I know

Killy: You do not know You can only guess. You have not seen what I've seen. If you had perhaps you would not ask this of me.

Merlin: what do you mean?

Killy: In the wrong hands this sword could do great evil

Burnishing typically means polishing metal until it shines. Figuratively it can mean to enhance or perfect something. I think this is an interesting word to use and possibly implies a sword like Excalibur would never need to be polished again.

Also I'm pretty convinced one thing Killy is talking about here is how most of the high priestesses died. Remember mortal swords can not kill Morgana by the time of her death. There could be many other incidents too. However seeing as Excalibur mostly functions as a normal sword until one is up against undead or borderline imortals I think this could be a main focus. Of course it does bring up the question of if there were other swords and what happened to them if this is true. Because if this was the case I SERIOUSLY doubt Uther would have let such swords just vanish. Then again as far as we know the sword that killed Arthur was just used as a grave maker. ALSO as far as we know those are the only dragon-burnished swords we see in the show. Which means there are others either just hidden places, or out there with people having no clue as to their powers because they just found them somewhere and were like cool sword! The later kinda amuses me. Just some random dude around having no idea their sword is a WOID (Weapon Of Immortal Destruction)

Uther: Who made it?

Merlin: uh, tom the blacksmith

Uther: Its worthy of a king

Merlin: You would be better off with a sword your trusted

Uther: No, It has almost Perfect balance. Tom's not the Royal swordsmith I'm supprised Arthur went to him.

Merlin: That was me.

(This is the line I keep referring to about how Gwen's dad is not the royal swordsmith.)

The balance point on a sword is where you can lay it over a finger and not have it fall, Its center of weight. Usually its just a bit above the hilt. This is why most swords had pommels

If there is too much weight in the direction of the grip the trikes from it will not be fast and smooth, Also you will have a hard time pushing your opponents blade around. while if there is too much on the blade it will take longer to recover from a blow.

[thewalrusespublicist]

Obviously there's no way to KNOW this, but what do you make of Francie Schwartz's claim of finding a love letter from Brian to Paul? I've seen it mostly brushed off as a lie or misunderstanding, which is where I tend to fall on it myself, but I am a bit fascinated by which of Schwartz's claims people believe vs. the ones that people don't!

Hi anon,

Great question! Ngl I respect Francie's grind as a committed, decades long hater but as a source? HMMMMM...

As with any source you've got to think of two main things. One: is the story itself plausible? and two: is the source reliable and if so, why/why not and how would that affect the telling.

So first, is the story plausible, i.e is it possible that Brian had feelings for Paul? IMO, yeah! Paul was stupidly handsome, they had gotten a lot, lot closer as time had gone on and he had the combination of charm and edge that Brian liked in a man. Okay great, but would Brian send a letter like that? Well, it would be inadvisable, unprofessional and high-risk but Brian was a bit of a emotional mess at this point in time and the Spanish trip with John hadn’t exactly been the best idea either. So considering the people involved, both main elements of the story are plausible.

But then Francie, whooo boy Francie. Francie is not exactly a McCartney stan account shall we say,nor is she consistent. From the off Francie never liked Paul (fair, sounds like a nightmare boyfriend), loved John and Yoko and recounted her time with Paul with Goldman levels of contempt. Part of this contempt and attempt to skew things to make Paul seem 'lesser' than John is to use that old tactic of framing Paul as submissive and feminine/non-masculine. Paul has gotten doughy and out of shape, John is the king and Paul is his 'princess' and if Paul has a love letter from Brian, it implies things about Paul in the 60s stereotype of gay/subject of male affection = weak and effeminate. So with this motive and framing in mind, it would make sense for Francie to potentially skew some facts to fit her presentation.

So known bullshitter Paul hater with an axe to grind Francie tells a theoretically plausible story that at the same time would promote her own agenda. How straightforward/s.

On the balance of probability and based on Francie not actually being able to actually come up with any contents of the letter, I think the most plausible scenario is either Francie, uhm, embellishing the truth or seeing an affectionate letter and reading into it because how could anyone possibly be that fond of Paul? (quick make sure nobody tells her about how her tough-guy hero John feels about him...). Of course probability doesen't always equal truth and who knows, she may have stumbled on a minefield in the glove compartment of the Aston martin but that's my reading of the situation.

Now what I really want to know is if she is foundational and sole source for the John's princess thing and is the person that Yoko overheard and the 'Apple to the Core' people interviewed or if she's repeating office gossip that made it to Yoko and the writers ears independantly. Because how the hell that quote became something that is found consistently in sources throughout time is a mystery I'm dying to solve.

[msfbgraves]

Outside of Daniel and Terry who were great as always, this was a truly terrible season, THE worst lol.

Johnny was truly horrible with his "suPpoRt DeVoN aND mIGgy dUriNG thIS DiFficULt time" but never did ANYTHNG to support HIS OWN SON. Like, he did NOTHING FOR ROBBY. Robby is struggling so badly and has no one to turn to and his OWN DAD is like "lOl roBbY wHooO???" Johnny is a terrible character and has been gaslighting himself and everyone else from SEASON 1! FUCK Johnny!

They ruined Chozen in every way by making him into this drunk, boorish loser who randomly hooks up with the enemy (another flat, annoying character and another poorly written female character). Chozen was so OOC I felt like I was watching badly written fanfic come to life. What the FUCK! I am so sorry, Chozen. You deserved so much better.

Kreese was just plain embarrassing, my god. Every time he was on screen I cringed. He should have died in S5 and I stand by that. Everything he did was mortifying and humiliating. He is way too old to be acting the fool. He needs to be in a retirement home having angry dreams.

Robby...LOL. The writers said fuck you! we don't care about you AT ALL lol! and then he got supremely fucked by the narrative in every single way. God. And of course NO SCENES with him and Daniel because flawed as Daniel was, he did so much for Robby--way more than Johnny ever did for him. Daniel and Robby had wonderful chemistry and the writers are so scared of that.

The Sekai Taikai is boring and overlong and just ridiculous in every way. All the new characters are dull, flat, and have incredibly forced and tropy "chemistry" with the OG characters. They are the definition of Shonen Manga Stock Bullies. They're like parodies of character tropes at this point. If someone told me CK6 was satire, I would have believed them.

S6: Let's make Daniel have an emotional breakdown again because why not hahahaha! BTW, Johnny is cool and perfect and a REAL MAN! BE LIKE HIM!!111!1 Johnny is absolutely not wrong ever, but Daniel is evil and flawed and ALWAYS wrong OF COURSE1!111!!

Annoying little brat Devon gets a pep talk from Johnny (another huge LMAO!!!) and gets away scot free with all she's done?? While Kenny still has to deal with the bullying he'll surely face back home?? What the fuck?

Carmen...DEAR GOD. This is the woman who raised a sweet kid by herself in a new country. She learned a new language, escaped from a terrible man, built a career and took really good care of both her mom and her boy. And then she, responsible, smart, kind Carmen--gets knocked up by a deadbeat, drunk loser who has held a grudge over a high school karate tournament for 30+ YEARS, blames everyone (especially poor Daniel who is his personal punching bag) but himself for how shitty his own life is, doesn't have a proper career or a steady job AT 50+ YEARS OLD, is in and out of trouble constantly, behaves like every negative stereotype of Ugly American even while IN the States, gets (Carmen's) son in trouble, does shit all for his own son, and...THIS IS THE MAN CARMEN GETS KNOCKED UP BY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Carmen, who WORKS IN HEALTHCARE and has ACCESS TO BIRTH CONTROL!!!!! You cannot make this shit up!!!!!!!

This show is truly garbage. It was excellent in S1 and S2, I thoroughly enjoyed S3, S4 and S5 were Karate Star Wars and got stupid (but still entertaining) and S5 it should have ended, peaking with the relationship between Terry and Daniel and the death of Kreese. S6 is embarrassing and cringe.

The best parts were TERRY FUCKING SILVER who is played with such devastating charm and skill by Thomas that you can't help but love him. And he's hot as fuck so there's that too!

Daniel is of course hated by the writers, but that doesn't take away from the fact that HE'S BEEN RIGHT FROM THE START OF THIS FUCKING SHOW and he's a good, kind, sweet, hardworking man who happens to have a quick temper, can be prone to hot-headedness, and be (gasp) less than perfect. Of course, for these oh-so-terrible sins, he must be punished and also constantly fucked by the narrative. Jokes on them, because Daniel can be proven to be right and correct 95% of the time, and remains a decent, good man who can admit when he's wrong (UNLIKE CERTAIN BLOND FUCKS).

I'm just here for Terry and Daniel!

Cobra Kai S6 is a fever dream of how a middle aged man with the emotional range of a young teenage boy would WANT the world to work, not how any human being would reasonably behave. Many men have written stories like this over the centuries and have been called geniuses; many women have written their versions - like Twilight - and have been called airheads, but anyway, it's all pure id at this point. I keep saying that TIG meanwhile writes his own part before signing on, because somehow I keep finding nuances in his character, like a compulsion to repeat his trauma with cages and a deep aversion to killing (which is interesting because I really do wonder what he meant to do to Kreese if not kill him).

You do have to give it to them that there are moments of awe inspiring insanity sprinkled throughout.

[kholnt]

Oooo, talking about Lost, I'm in!

What's his relationship with the chain, specifically Warriors, Time and Twilight?

Or anything else you want to talk about!!!

lost's thoughts on wars n time are similar for entirely different reasons hes,, adverse to both of them. not in the sense that he doesn't like them (he actually thinks both of them are pretty cool in their own way) but rather because he's afraid of them. lost has a Complicated history with authority, and that affects his relationship with the both of them

lost's situation with wars has been talked abt at length here & has been given context here (tldr is lost has bad experiences captains, and while he's not afraid of wars, he's afraid of his title and what that carries) HOWEVER. his situation with time is something that has been vaguely mentioned Once in a shitpost and something i will yap abt here! lost has issues with authority & generally doesnt accept help. long been established, a shock to no one. another shock to no one is that time is seen as authority who really wants to help lost HOWEVER. context is missing. because while time being an authoritarian figure (no matter how much of a mess he actually is) is a playing factor, it's not even close to being the main reason of lost's fear. as a kid lost generally kept to himself (not from a lack of trying, he just recognizes patterns) and he had a lot of time to do nothing. outside of playing with his sister, helping his mom around the house and his dad teaching him swordsmanship the days he was home (to lost's insistence), he didn't exactly have a lot to do. he was a kid who had a strive to learn, and enjoyed reading so that's what he did. he picked up a few books, and suddenly he's knee deep in the myths about the heroes of old. at first it was basically fairytales made for kids' bedtime stories, but the older he got, the further he went into the actual recounted history of these stories. he had a clear favorite and it was the hero of time. he thought it was neat that fairies had recounted both of his stories so they weren't lost to time, it made him realize how nonlinear time as a concept is (and challenged him into making a timeline when he got older. hes still working on it even after totk), how terrifying time loops are, and it made him want to be mask's friend, because he thought mask was lonely, and he was lonely too. the hero of times' stories were some of the first he actually started getting into, and they always remained his favorite because of the courage he thought mask had. it also made him realize that he never wanted to be a hero. shame how that turned out, huh? (he has more thoughts abt his idealized version of the hero of time, but i'll save that for when i yap abt lost's childhood if i ever get the chance) 112 years later, enter him becoming a part of the chain where the hero of time is RIGHT FUCKING THERE. he doesn't have that childlike curiosity anymore, he hasn't read a hero story in half a decade (plus a century) and yet he still doesn't think he could ever amount to the hero of time. theres a part of him that still idolizes him, and that drives him away. it's just now he has an unhealthy way of thinking and continuously compares himself to the others. so he's afraid of authority, yes, but also that's his childhood idol. (his wife practically adopts lost, so that novelty goes away. and the fear of authority thing gets worked on later so he basically becomes a glorified dad. joyous day for everyone) NOW TWILIGHT. WHOOO BOY THERES MANY THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THESE TWO THAT IM NOT GOING TO DUE TO SPOILERS. what i will say though is that lost has 0 issues with twilight. he adores wolfie. he doesnt know (remember) that they are one in the same. twilight actively avoids lost due to Reasons. they are all fucked up

[dragon-queen21]

Caregivers Uzui household + main four as littles

More Tengen + wives ramblings :D whooo! (can you tell who my favorite character is lol) also I realize they wouldn't have the same kinds of pacifiers we have today modernly, but shhh, this whole thing is self indulgent let me pretend.

~~~

~Tengen thought the easiest of the four to look after was going to be Tanjiro. The teen barely put up a fuss on a bad day, he couldn’t imagine anything different from a regressed Tanjiro.

~Boy was he wrong.

~Tanjiro who’s used to going a long time without eating absolutely can’t skip a meal when small. He will start sobbing if he starts to feel hungry as a million different bad memories start flooding back to mind. It took a while for his caregivers to realize what was triggering the meltdowns and in the end it was Hina who put two and two together.

~Turns out an upset Tanjiro only furthers the chaos of his friends as now Inosuke is going into what Tegen calls 'feral protective toddler mode', Nezuko won't leave the boy's side and Zenitsu refuses to calm down until he sees that his friends are alright.

~Tengen starting to tell a story from one of his missions before getting smacked in the head by Makio when he starts to get a little to detailed- clearly he needs to get better at realizing what’s child friendly or not. Until then he just sticks to flashy retellings of fairytales.

~Little Zenitsu who has bad separation anxiety, turns into what the women have dubbed ‘pass the baby’ so that one of them is always holding him at one point or another. If the three of them get tired they end up passing the boy off on their husband with no explanation other than ‘your turn.’

~ Tengen who goes from ‘no, he’s not going to waste money on something as silly as a pacifier’ to figuring out deco paci’s exist and suddenly is really hooked on the idea of bedazzling his own custom one for his kiddos. It takes a few tries before he likes the way it looks.

~Tanjiro and Nezuko’s first, green and pink respectively, decorated with matching rhinestones. Followed by a very hesitant Zenitsu, bright yellow with little flower cabochons, and finally Insouke, navy blue with a little sword charm hanging from the handle

~Inosuke who starts throwing a fit that he’s not a baby and he’s not going to use a pacifier and Tengen takes the outburst very personally

~Zenitsu dumping out a box full of Tengen's jewelry and 'reorganizing' it on the floor of the man’s room. Nezuko comes along to ‘help’ him and by the time the two little ones are done they (and the floor) are covered in so many jewels and hair accessories and poor Tengen has to spend forever trying to actually organize and locate everything.

~Nezuko playing dress up with Suma, Makio, and Hina's old clothing while the boys play outside. Letting them do her makeup and running outside to show the others after each completed outfit.

~Tengen’s not going to play pretend unless he can be one of two roles. The dashing prince who comes to the rescue ✨ or the fierce monster! Luckily his wives are more giving when it comes to playing along.

[duckythetoddscout]

time with family

Turtle tots and post invasion whooo, already on ao3 :D was supposed to be very silly but ended up only a little silly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Title from Time With Family | RADWIMPS

Everyone knew about Leo’s childhood magazine photo collection of feet. It was weird but not weird considering he’d been collecting the photos since he was at least two and stopped when he was seven. 

The odd hobby was first discovered by Splinter and it went like this; Splinter was gathering his sons for dinner. Now, should he know where a one year old, two two year olds, and a three year old were?

Yes. And he did! Technically. There were only three places for them to be after all.

Raph was tasked with watching his brothers while their dad “borrowed” groceries and other supplies from the surface that day. Which meant at least Mikey and Raph were in the walkway coloring or having a tea party with Raphs plushies in the family's shared bedroom. 

Donnie would no doubt be trying to make something by tearing apart something else. Leo would either be bothering his brothers or waiting for Splinter as close to the entrance as he could get without getting in trouble. 

(So far Leo had made it right to the edge and was able to peek behind the makeshift curtain into the tunnel. Not that Splinter knew that since he always retreated back before Splinter made it to the curtain. He worried about his dad every time he left. They used to go with Splinter but hadn’t in a long time. Leo liked being able to hear Splinter’s familiar approaching steps. He had to get close to the curtain to be able to hear them.)

The walkway was just a concealed slab of concrete that led to two rooms, their bedroom and a bathroom (the bathroom being the main reason Splinter chose this place to settle. The other being that it was relatively hidden and seemingly forgotten. They have lasted 6 months here so far). They usually used the walkway as a living room, kitchen and dining room.

Splinter knew they would need to find a permanent place deeper in the sewers soon. This one could be discovered at any time just like their previous homes. Raising four tiny turtle toddlers alone wasn’t exactly ideal for “sewer-home” searching though. 

It was only in the last couple of months he had to start leaving to get food alone. Raph growing rapidly from a palmful to two handfuls, his brothers not far behind Splinter suspected, combined with this area being safe for so long pushed him to leave his sons behind for short periods of time. He thanked his ancestors Raph was such a good boy who wanted to help watch his brothers. He’d only explored deeper into the sewers a little since then. It was slow progress finding a more permanent home but progress nonetheless.

The walkway was empty when he entered, making that two places his boys could be, so he went about setting up the food at their wobbly table. He could hear distant talking coming from the bedroom. They sounded fine so he set the other groceries in their proper places. 

He had found multiple places that were easy to borrow from. He tried to not go to the same place multiple times in a row. He hated being away from his boys for long so he always focused on gathering foods that would last. It didn’t make for much variety but the boys never noticed so he couldn’t complain. They had two large coolers to keep rats out, other than Splinter of course. One for food though it rarely had things that actually needed to be cold in it. The other was solely for water bottles. Canned foods were placed in a crate next to the cooler. 

Once he was done he made his way to the bedroom. As he got closer he heard a loud bang before the clear sounds of high-pitched screaming and things falling. He took a deep breath before shoving aside the torn blanket acting as a door.

Today it looked like their activity was what started out as a tea party but was now a warzone. Raphs plushies were strewn every which way. Tea cups and plates knocked over on the tiny table or thrown on the floor. The culprit stood on said table, likely the source of the loud bang, holding a weird looking thing above his head. Two little turtles hid on the other side of the family's shared pillow nest-bed. 

Well one hid. The other stood and glowered at the purple culprit. He clearly wanted to get closer but the hidden one held him back by a single arm wrapped around his chest.

“Donnie ruin tea pa’ty!” Mikey shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the cackling softshell.

“I did not! I en-hance-d it! This teapot was boring before, now it will do so much more! Like-”

“Purple,” Splinter sighed heavily, eyeing the hastily glued cardboard and scrap metal to what must be the pink toy teapot he’d found on one of his trips to the surface. 

No doubt Donnie had grand plans for the teapot but the two year old didn't exactly have the supplies to make them come true. He certainly didn’t lack imagination though. With how advanced they all were, Splinter just knew Donnie would be trouble when he was older. 

Good trouble but still trouble. 

Donnie turned slowly upon hearing the affectionate name from his father. He lowered the teapot just as slowly to try and hide it behind his back. He tried to look innocent but could never quite get it right, unlike his missing twin. Splinter would worry about that in a second. 

“Ah, Papa-”

“No,” Splinter said, raising a hand while Donnie pouted, “Fix the teapot after dinner. Go get cleaned up, all of you. Where is Blue?” 

Raph tentatively climbed over their nest-bed, now holding Mikey in his arms who continued to glare at their brother. Donnie sighed heavily and got down from the table. He set the teapot down before pointing towards the right side of the room behind Splinter. 

Splinter turned and saw his last son sitting in the corner facing the wall. He walked closer while his other sons made their way out and to the bathroom. Once he was close enough he heard the sound of soft, slow ripping. He looked over his son's head and saw a magazine held in one hand while the other carefully ripped it.

Splinter often brought them back since they were so easy to find. They helped in teaching his sons English and how to read. Or at least that was his intention, they more often got used for arts and crafts, or science experiments somehow.

Next to Leo was a small cardboard box with what looked like already ripped pages. There were too many to be from the same magazine he was currently ripping. Splinter bent down next to the tiny tot and touched his carapace as he reached forward and tapped the box. 

Leo glanced at him before nodding and going back to his task. Splinter reached into the box and brought out some of the pages. The more he looked through the pages the more he noticed a strange theme. So far all had been magazine pages, some waterlogged, some surprisingly supreme but all the same subject. 

Feet. 

Splinter glanced at the pages Leo was currently ripping and noticed each one was also feet, some had shoes or socks and some didn’t, but still…feet. Splinter watched bewildered as Leo finished his task of tearing out the feet in the magazine. 

He threw it next to him then started glancing carefully over each picture. He would discard certain photos, throwing them onto the magazine next to him while others he carefully put in the box. Splinter couldn’t tell why some of them were discarded yet others deemed acceptable, it all seemed very random. 

And how was he to react to finding his two year old ripping and collecting magazine photos of various feet? How long had this been happening? Was his Baby Blue insecure about his own feet? Should he be concerned? 

Leo continued his task while Splinter’s mind had completely left the sewer. Leo frowned at the pages in Splinter's hands before taking them. He shuffled through the new pages and put them back to what Splinter guessed was their original spot. 

While Leo did that Splinter jumped when he felt a tiny hand take his. He turned and saw Raph next to him with a frown, “Donnie is gonna eatted Mikey if you don’t come feed us.” 

Leo perked up at the mention of food. He picked up the box and pushed it into a little hidden nook Splinter had never noticed before. He turned back towards Splinter and grinned at him. Splinter shook his head and decided to forget about it. 

Considering how much mischief his tiny boys could get into, this was tame. If his most mischievous yet silent child (only in voice, Splinter was constantly surprised at the amount of noise the mute boy could make when he wanted) was entertained quietly by tearing apart magazines that was a blessing.

He picked up his boys under each arm like they were potato sacks. They giggled while trying to tug on eachother. Only Raphs arms could get close to Leo. He kept tugging on his little brother's fingers who giggled and yanked them back before reaching towards Raph again. Rinse and repeat. Time to feed his rambunctious boys. 

That was the story Splinter told once the boys were older and had discovered their brother‘s collection. 

It had only grown from what Splinter had seen. Leo had never actually shared it willingly. Though he never cared when Splinter checked in on it. Splinter never knew the true reason for the collection but he respected it. 

Afterall, Raph spoke in the third person, Donnie considered objects (and later his inventions) his children, and Mikey had an obsession with the marbles in spray paint cans. His boys were weird and he loved them.

With his other son's discovery of Leo’s collection there was of course the teasing. Splinter never saw it again since Leo now knew it was a bit strange. They never learned why but they knew it continued based on the strategically torn sections of their magazines. 

Leo always insisted it was just research when the teasing questions occurred once there was a reminder of it. Once Leo was allowed to go to the surface at age seven Splinter noticed the magazines slowly stopped having those torn pages. He remembered intending to ask if Leo completed whatever research he was conducting. 

He never did though. He regrets it now. He doesn’t remember when he stopped asking his boys questions. When he stopped knowing all of them in all of their being instead of just things from when he was involved.

By the time of the Foots and Shredders attack he knew he needed to change. He knew he couldn’t live with that regret.

Splinter regretted a lot of things as he stared at his Baby Blue breathing raspily in the stolen hospital bed of their Medbay three weeks after the Invasion. There wasn’t a part of Leo’s body that wasn’t injured. They had to resort to Draxum calling in professionals he knew just to make sure Leo lived. They didn’t know if he would walk again.

That was a funny thing to worry about considering he was in a coma. Yet, Splinter did worry. Leo had been such an active child. He grew into an active teen. Even as thoughts of walking and recovery raced through his head he still didn’t miss the small movements that began in Leo’s fingertips.

Splinter gasped. He gripped the bed's railing, trying to get as close as possible to his son to confirm he wasn’t seeing things. At Splinter’s gasp Donnie darted over from where he had been reading on his tablet. Mikey and Raph followed right behind him. Casey and April were just as quick to abandon their task of restocking some supplies. Soon they surrounded the bed all leaning in as close as possible.

There were small twitches, centered around Leo’s hands and face. Tears began pouring down Splinters face before Leo even opened his eyes. Splinter quickly wiped them away, not wanting to miss the sight of those beautiful eyes blinking open. When they finally did open the sounds of sobbing filled the room. 

Leo’s eyes seemed to gain more focus as he slowly took in each face surrounding him. The corner of his mouth curled like he wanted to smile. The rest of his face remained completely placid though. All of his family were sobbing while trying to get as close as possible to their injured loved one. 

There was a device Donnie gave Draxum. Its twin sat on the table next to Leo’s bed, to be used when Leo woke up. Splinter turned away briefly to push the button. Before he could turn back to Leo, Draxum was stepping from a portal. He ushered them away from the bed. Splinter’s family gathered close together behind his chair. 

As Draxum began his examination he described Leo’s new condition. Splinter was so focused on Leo’s increasing awareness that most of what Draxum said was background noise.

“-I cannot say if this is true awareness-”

“Uh…go..fff” Leo interrupted Draxum. Even mumbled and incoherent, his voice was music to Splinter’s ears. 

“What.” Draxum said bluntly, never happy to be cut off. He began to rub his knuckles on Leo’s chest while yelling Leo’s name loudly. Splinter personally thought he had terrible bedside manner. 

Leo let out a loud huff then widened his eyes at Draxum, “Mm on th’ goo’ st’ff, n’t deaf.” 

Draxum raised his eyebrows incredulously. Splinter laughed and cried and began shaking from pure happiness. He wasn’t the only one. The room filled with laughter as it was such a relief for all to hear him speak after three weeks of silence. 

“That wasn’t even that funny,” Donnie said while fruitlessly wiping the tears from his face. Leo turned towards them. He finally smiled. His eyes closed. His breathing evened out yet the smile stayed. Splinter felt no fear, knowing this was a natural sleep. 

Leo woke up and it didn’t matter if he would walk again. He would be around to complain about it. That was all Splinter could ask for. 

Later that night, Donnie was scowling from where he sat on the other side of Leo opposite of Splinter. It was the middle of the night. The others were asleep together in the living room. It had been turned into a giant nest-bed reminiscent of the ones Splinter made when the boys were small. 

Donnie could not be convinced to leave Leo’s side though. He’d probably cried the longest after Leo went back to sleep. Splinter observed his son, trying to figure out how to convince him to get some sleep.

He had long abandoned crying for seething anger now, it seemed. His eyes were narrowed in a tear filled glare. His chin wobbled no matter how deeply he frowned. His fingers tapped an anxious pattern against the arm of his chair.

(Donnie had not understood his thought processes or emotions for weeks now. He would jump from terror to sadness to anger and disgust and despair and- it never ended. So he tried to ignore it all. He slammed the door on the conflicting, loud voices and threw away the key. Now it appeared that the door had burst open upon hearing his stupid, idiotic, dumdum twin. Again everything was jumbled and confusing.)

“Ex-cuse you- I am the funniest- guy- ever,” Leo suddenly croaked out. Splinter jumped. He saw Donnie do so as well. Leo’s eyes were now open though clearly unfocused, blinking over and over again.

Donnie leaned forward as much as he could. Leo’s head slid towards his brother and he smiled once his eyes landed on Donnie. Donnie’s scowl was immediately gone. Now his beak was firmly clamped shut as he reached forward and took Leo’s hand. 

Splinter stayed silent and watched the sight of his twins together. A sight he thought he might not see again for a time.

Donnie visibly relaxed, clenching his jaw before breathing in shakily, “Hey dumdum, what are you talking about?” 

“Mmmm…you said… wasn’ funny,” Leo rolled his head slowly around the pillow, looking around the dim room. His eyes never really focused on anything until they landed on the ceiling directly above his head. His eyes squinted as he tried to focus on it.

“Is tha’...drawing of… feet?” Leo mumbled, voice confused.

Splinter looked up too and saw there was indeed a drawing of feet duct taped on the ceiling. They all stared at the picture in befuddled silence, then his boys said together, “Mikey.” 

The two giggled quietly, though Donnie’s sounded tear filled while Leo’s were breathy.

Splinter didn’t want to live with regrets. 

“Blue, why did you collect those pictures? I know you stopped so I assume you got your answer to your research.”

Donnie raised a drawn on brow at Leo, clearly wanting an answer too. Leo, in this state, couldn’t talk circles around his family as well as he usually could. This became obvious when instead of his usual dodging attempts, he actually answered. 

“I just wan’ed to find someone with two left feet, ya’know? I coul’ just look at people’s feet when we went to the surface so I didn’ need to get pictures anymore. I never did find anyone though. It’s like a conspiracy.”

Donnie stared at Leo in disbelief. Splinter knew his own expression had to match. 

“Leo…why would you be looking for someone like that? Actually no-how did you even know about that medical condition at age two?”

“What?” Leo stared at Donnie, face confused, “I just wanted to see it, ya-know- since Pops told us about that guy having two left feet. Sounded cool.”

Donnie looked at Splinter for an explanation but Splinter was equally baffled. He just shrugged. He looked back at Leo when he spoke again, appearing confused too, “‘member, we were having to hide again, an-and some guy fell, dropped all his tools and fell again when he got ‘em all back,” Leo looks at Splinter now, “you said he had two left feet.”

“Oh Pizza Supreme, Leo, that is a metaphor!” Donnie said in disbelief, letting go of Leo’s hand to slap it against his forehead.

“You remember that?” Splinter said simultaneously, “That had to have been at least six months before I found your collection.”

“Don’ call it a collection,” Leo whined, his face was getting red, “It was research!”

“It was not research either, Leo! It was an obsession!” Donnie was laughing now, leaning back in his chair.

Leo glared at him, it wasn’t very intimidating considering he couldn’t even properly focus on Donnie, “Nuh-uh, research! I had to know what two left feet looked like and how many people had it! Like people who are left handed.”

Donnie laughed even harder at that. He nearly fell out of his chair and had to quickly grab the railings on Leo’s bed before he crashed to the floor. He continued to laugh though and now Splinter joined, albeit more quiet. 

“Stop laughing!...are there really no people with two left feet?”

“No! Well, yes, but not like people being left handed. It just means someone is clumsy, Leo, like you,” Donnie said, still chuckling even as he explained, “I suppose you could say you were looking for yourself the whole time.”

“Shut up,” Leo said, pouting and refusing to look at either of them, though he ended up seeing the picture again and blushed even more. 

“Why did you not just ask me, Baby Blue?” 

“More importantly,” Donnie leaned forward to try and catch Leo’s eyes who just closed them to ignore his brother, “Why did you not just look it up on the internet once we had it?”

“I thought they were real! I wan’ed to find them on my own!” Leo insisted. He kept his eyes closed, but he was smiling now too. He let out a yawn before they could continue questioning (teasing) him. Splinter realized he must have closed his eyes for more than just ignoring troublesome brothers. Donnie must have too because his slowing laughter died down completely.

Splinter leaned forward and rubbed his palm against Leo’s head, “Sleep, my son, we will be here when you wake up.”

“Yeah, see you soon, Feet Boy,” Donnie took Leo’s hand again.

Leo let out a snort but his breathing evened out in sleep. 

Splinter looked up at Donnie, “You should get some sleep too, Purple, Blue won’t be happy to find you haven’t slept.”

Donnie kept staring at Leo, all traces of humor gone. Replaced with relief and sadness. He huffed out his nose, “Yeah, okay, but I will remain here.”

Splinter just nodded, knowing he wouldn’t win that particular fight. He settled back in his chair. At least that was one regret he wouldn’t have.

“Hey, Donnie, was finding out people with two left feet aren’t real, real or was I dreaming?”

“No, Leo, you were not dreaming.”

“What are you-?”

“Please don’t ask Raph, He’s mentioned this every time he is coherent.”

…

“Are you absolutely, positive-”

“Stop.”

[greatprotector-if]

The mentioning of Kallias´ birthday does make me wonder how they and the ro´s would like to spend their birthday.

Also mc going out of their way to do or give something fun/heartfelt seems cute (even if they´re denying it)

oh boy this got long strap in folks

Kallias - A whole day to celebrate themself? Sign them the FUCK up!!! Okay no but in all seriousness, they would like to celebrate it surrounded by loved ones! They don't even need a big party or anything they just want to feel appreciated but uhhh that doesn't happen often, they usually spend the evening of their birthday either in a tavern or a stranger's bed LOL RIP

MC goes out of their way to do something heartfelt? Kallias starts drafting up some wedding vows in their head right then and there, but more through feelings than through words because they're kind of forgetting every word they've ever learned ever. They'll communicate their gratitude to the best of their ability through physical affection. It's the only way they know how. Get ready for hugs. Might tackle MC to the ground. Might pick them up and spin them around. Depends on the vibe in the moment. They'd probably laugh a lot, just giddy. They wouldn't cry, because they simply Do Not Cry, but they'd want to.

Galen - Honestly, they forget it even is their birthday most years. They aren't even entirely sure how old they are... they stopped keeping track a long time ago. Their birthdays go by like any other day and they're okay with that.

MC doing something cute and heartfelt for them for their birthday would definitely put some chips in their stoic demeanour! It just. It means a lot to them that MC actually cares enough to go out of their way like that. But honestly their reaction probably wouldn't look like much externally. They'd say "thank you" and they'd mean "I don't know how to repay you but I know that I don't want to leave your side". They want to let MC know how much it means to them, but they can't find the words, and they're also... scared. Even if they had everything they wanted to say perfectly planned out, those thoughts might never leave the confines of their mind.

V - They like to act like they don't care about their birthday, but they kind of do. It's nice to have the reminder that they're a person, sometimes. It's easy to forget when you've got a one-track mind like theirs. They don't tell people about their birthday regardless; they like spending it alone, usually not with a cake or even anything cake-adjacent. They'll wait til the sun goes down, and then they'll slap a piece of salmon or something on a plate in the middle of the table and stick a candle on it. They don't make wishes, they think that's childish, but they might pray a little. And perhaps, for them, it means the same thing.

V doesn't like the feeling of being known. It's unsettling, makes them feel almost—gags—vulnerable. MC finds out it's their birthday and actually does something nice for them? Makes them uneasy. They're not used to being cared about like this. They find the action unnecessary, but they're also not mad about it. It's just... strange. Weird. Off. Their hands itch without a weapon to fill in the space. They don't know how to do things gently, but isn't that what they're supposed to do, in a situation like this? Whooo knows. Definitely not V. The most they can do to show their appreciation (is that what they're feeling? They've never been so out of their depth before) is to engage in whatever MC's prepared to the fullest.

[nono-uwu]

The boy!! Whooo we all cheered for the silly little guy

Loree utc :3

Homura was born into a loving family. He was always a little different (aka autisitc) but his family still loved him and he loved them. He had difficulties fitting in with his peers at school but that didn't bother him as at the end of the day he would return to his family. How nice :)

Then december 25th 2012 happens and they all die-

So as the sole <13 year old in his family, he survives the inital apocalypse but then has to evade vampire capture. How? He shuts himself in a closet with a knife and prays to whatever god there is that they don't find him.

Luck is on his side as two days later, Yua finds him. A very # dramatic scene play out where he lunges at her with the knife, she catches his hand and goes to pat his head like "it's okay kid you're safe". Our boy gets pseudo adopted by Yua and she takes him to JIDA headquarters. He bravley signs up to training to become a soldier and a few years pass.

Once he gets his very own demonic weapon, he chooses a gun(I think it's a rifle? but idfk it just looks cool). His demon is surprisingly polite, a young silver haired girl. Her only condition on lending him all her power is that he sometimes gives her full contol over his body, during which he's unconscious.

When Yua gets back from her solo mission, very noticeably unharmed he jumps to her defense. Thanks to his superb bargaining skills he gets Yua a less harsh punshment and continuously jumps to her defense afterwards.

As for his army career... it's a little weird. He somehow has incredible luck. He returns mostly unharmed from even the most dangerous missions, even when his squadmates bite the dust or get heavily injured. Homura himself has no real idea how he always survives (probably thanks to his demon) whoch has netted him an unfavorable reputation amongst his fellow soldiers. Due to this he's usually delegated to supplying and protecting human settlement.

Whenever Yua would come back from her adventures, he'd eagerly listen to what she's been up to. After each time, the prospect of he himself visiting those vampires becomes more and more enticing. He already has a hard time getting along with his fellow soldiers and his luck would probably save him from death. Besides, Yua speaks highly of them, so they can't be that bad.

One day he mentiones this to Yua who, understandably, isn't too excited about the idea. She may get a free pass but Homura? He's just another human soldier to the vampires.

To test the waters, Yua just takes Homura to meet with Machigai since he'd be the most understanding. Machigai is just like "bro idfk go ask them yourself" but that ordeal is cut short by a wandering Chess appearing out of nowhere (she was bored and decided to follow Machigai even though he specifically told her, Horn and Crowley that he'd like to go alone lol). A very panicked explanation by Yua later and Chess is fully on board with getting another human friend (if she gets to drink some of his blood that is >:3). Shortly after, Nagoya city hall now has two special human visitors who regularly bring intel and snacks!

Ofc this gets him into some hot water when others notice his prolonged absences and his adamant defense of Yua, who is already under suspicion of being a 'traitor to humanity', but he doesn't care. (Will probably elaborate on this sometime)

[kikithedreamerwriter]

OC!Sayuri x Bayverse!Leonardo

Feat. @miss-andromeda’s Andi Grace 🎀✨

🗣️: @sharpwindow @pheradream-15 @m1dnyt3-w0lf @akesdraws-blog @fyreball66 @miss-andromeda @shinzowosasageyoooo

Sayuri Meets the Boys

“April… are you sure this is a good idea?” Sayuri sighed as she stood over the manhole side-by-side with April. “I feel like I should have received some sort of invitation, don’t you think?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” She smiled. “They want to meet you as much as you want to meet them. Besides, I’ve already asked Master Splinter. It’ll be fine, Yuri. Now get in.”

Months since the kidnapping incident, Sayuri always kept her balcony door open for Leo who gladly visited her almost every night and joined her as she studied. On days he was unavailable, they would always keep in touch via message and phone calls. As time passed by, the extent of their attraction to one another became more apparent to not only April and Casey, but to Leo’s family as well. He would hum gleefully as he cleaned the dojo, was gradually less overbearing on his brothers (which Raph and Mikey did not mind one bit), and was constantly on his phone despite his slight aversion to technology (much to Donnie’s amusement). Above all, Leo found himself constantly talking about Sayuri to his father during tea. Wanting to meet the girl behind Leo’s recent elation, Master Splinter asked April if she could bring Sayuri to the Lair so that she can have dinner with the entire family.

Unbeknownst to Leo, he continued to engage in a heated spar against Raph as Mikey and Donnie observed from the sidelines.

“How much longer!” Mikey groaned slouching over.

“Well,” Donnie replied as one of his monitors chirped. “April’s here, so maybe not as long as you think.”

“April’s here all the time, what’re you talking about?”

“I mean April and her,” Donnie smirked. Mikey’s lips formed into an ‘o’ beginning to snicker at his blue-clad older brother drenched in sweat.

“Do you think he knows?” Mikey giggled.

“Are you kidding?” Donnie snorted. “In that state? Not in the slightest.”

Just as Leo was beginning to have the upper hand in the spar, April and Sayuri stepped into the Lair.

“Hey Angelcakes!” Mikey exclaimed. “Who’s your pretty friend?”

Leo suddenly averted his gaze towards the entryway and was met with a familiar stare.

“Everyone! This is Sayuri.”

At his moment of distraction, Raph quickly pinned down his brother to the ground, securing victory.

“Whooo!” Raph howled. “That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout! How’s that Fearless?”

Sayuri giggled at Leo, whose defeated, sweaty form was splayed against the dojo floor in just utter embarressment. Mikey and Donnie snickered as Raph joined them towards April and Sayuri. Master Splinter then appeared from his quarters and Leo was trailed him shyly in his wake.

“It’s so wonderful to finally meet you Sayuri,” Splinter smiled as she took her hand in his. Sayuri wasn’t even fazed as she looked kindly upon the old rat and laughed at something he said. “These are my sons…”

“Raphael,”

Raph grunted and nodded at her in acknowledgement.

“Donatello,”

“Pleased to meet ya,” Donnie chirped.

“Michelangelo,”

“Hello~ babycakes,” Mikey winked.

“And I’m sure you’re quite acquainted with Leonardo,” Splinter smiled as he turned towards his eldest son at the back of the room.

“Hey,” Leo said to her shyly.

“Hi,” Sayuri grinned.

Just then April looked up from her phone, “Heads up guys, Andi’s coming. Casey’s picking her up.”

“Then we better get the table set,” Leo interjected suddenly, steering away Raph who threw him a funny look as they headed into the direction of the showers instead. Splinter chuckles as a retreats to his quarters to wash up before dinner. He excuses himself and leaves promptly.

“Alright!” Mikey cheered, slinging his arms across Sayuri and April’s. “Three of the hottest babes in New York are gonna be under this roof tonight!”

“Watch your hands, Mikey. Sayuri’s not exactly single.” April winked as Sayuri blushed profusely.

“My bad, my bad,” Mikey raised his hands. “Anyways Sayuri, may I have the pleasure of touring you around our humble abode?” Sayuri laughed at Mikey’s posh imitation as he offered his arm to her.

“Yes you may good sir,” Sayuri smiled as she looped her arm through his.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

The household held such a chaotic and vibrant energy. Splinter with his wisdom, Mikey with his charms, Raphael with his quiet brooding, Donatello with his imagination, and well… Leo with what Sayuri calls his “adorable anxiety.” Everyone was settling down at the table, both their bottoms and the bottoms of plates of heaping food when Casey enters the Lair. Behind him a girl, just about Sayuri’s age and height follows. She was wearing a pink sweater tucked in white slacks. Her long, caramel hair was in a half-up hairstyle adorned with a pink bow. Sayuri thought two things, one: she looked like the softest thing on the planet and that she couldn’t possibly harm a fly, two: she’s rocking the pink Barbie aesthetic. At the sight of her, Donnie ran towards the young woman with such haste that he nearly knocked Mikey from his seat.

“Oh Enchantress!” He sighs as he lifts her into his arms. “How I’ve missed you!”

“Hello my professor,” her hand grazed his cheek lovingly.

“Well that’s excessive,” Raph remarked from the table.

“Your stupidity is excessive,” she shot back. Mikey snorted.

“Now,” she sighed as Donnie let her down. “Where’s this Sayuri that everyone’s been talking about?”

Sayuri waved from the table.

“Hey! The name’s Andi!”

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Dinner was commencing and it was in full swing. Chinese and Italian is on the menu tonight and everyone was digging in. It was wasn’t an enormous round table where everyone sat at, so it was a quite a tight fit. Leo didn’t mind as long Sayuri’s smooth arm grazed against his on occasion, and sharing a glance afterwards.

“You all right?” He whispered to her. He smelled like his homemade soap and of green tea. Sayuri wished she could just bottle the scent of him and mist over all her cardigans.

“Yeah,” Sayuri whispered back. “Leo?”

“Yeah?”

“Your family’s really cool.”

Leo smiled.

Sayuri chuckled.

“Donnie looks really happy,” she says as she watched Andi feed Donnie a dumpling from her plate. “They look so good together.”

“Yeah?” Leo says to her smiling. “So do we.”

Sayuri’s cheeks reddened as Leo held her hand under the table.

“You’re one of us now.”