#whoimmeanttobe

[jamiesonwolf]

I think part of healing is learning about myself, taking the time to sit and reflect on who I was before and who I am now. These cards are letting me knowbthat I'm stronger than I think I am, that I've been able to shift form and shape in order to protect myself and defend when necessary. Part of me is always looking behind myself to look at where I came from and who I was when I began this journey so that I can appreciate the man that I've become. A lot of this journey has been about learning to use my strength in order grow beyond what I saw for myself. I know my mind, body and spirit so well now. ✨️Cards from The Tarot des Ambuguities. #tarot #tarotreadersofinstagram #tarottribe #tarotdesambiguites #strength #force #shift #head #Pentacles #knowmyself #journey #becoming #whoimmeanttobe #transformation #expansion #spiritualaf #sparkleon #shinebright #likeadiamond #cardoftheday https://www.instagram.com/p/CnrVlSZuRzS/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[quinntamsin]

226 days ago I started my #transition to become the woman I was meant to be. To this day I am still figuring out who i am and #whoimmeanttobe. I lost my beloved #pug of #fifteenyears last month on the 9th #bookem passed away. 9 great years after adopting him & he was gone. Three weeks ago i adopted my #sweetboy #Chowder. A day after the 8th ehen i recognize my #8montns of trsnsituon, he turns 3 months old. I am a #beautiful #transwoman lucky enough to have this gentle soul as my #furbaby. I miss #bookem, but #chowder is helping me move on. #transgirl #transisbeautiful #diaryofatransgirl (at Cravings Bakery & CAFE)

[c-you-on-the-otherside]

09/23/17

So today, I stumbled upon a bookstore while exploring in Capitol Hill. As I aimlessly wondered around the bookstore, in search of the poetry section, I was drawn into the Gender/Queer Studies section an decided to browse through those books.  For the first time I ever, I was consumed by something in a bookstore other than poetry... I spent almost 45 minutes there, looking for answers, looking for guidance..wondering if any of these people who live inside these books ever felt as lost and confused as I do now.  Because Im pretty comfortable in the PNW and everyones seemingly open-minded ideas, I had no reservations about opening flipping through books frantically, in search of my missing pieces... Back home, I would have looked over my shoulder every second, and felt awkward just being in that general area. But I was comfortable here...almost felt some sort of support in the fact that no one seemed to care that some dyke was hanging out in the transgender section of the bookstore. I realized today, that dyke being associated with female is probably why I hate the word so much...and that’s the first time it’s ever clicked. I cringe at the word and hate it when anyone uses it to describe me and I just now realized it’s because I don’t want to be seen as a strong statured female, I want to be perceived as a strong, tough, male.  And even that is a stretch to say... I feel like when it comes to the spectrum, I for sure lie more with identifying as a male.. But I wouldn’t go as far to say I am a male... I don’t know if it’s fear holding me back from accepting it or if it’s truly just not how I feel but trust me when I tell you, it’s a terrible feeling not being able to trust what your gender even is. I envy the people who lead their lives with such certainty... People who never have to question their sexuality or gender identity or any of the stuff that, to me, feels like it should just come easily.  I don't believe I was born in the right body, but I also don’t believe I was born in the wrong one. I wonder why God would grow me in a womans body if he didn’t want me to be a woman...why would he create this functional, healthy body, if this wasn’t meant to be? But what I feel inside makes me question everything, and the fact that I’m becoming more open about talking about my gender identity, the fact that I wondered into a gender section of a bookstore, and even the fact thatI’m making this very blog, makes me believe that it’s something I need to face more and more everyday...It’s something I need to come to terms with. When I was back home about a month ago, I had my parents kind of open up the conversation to allow me to come out to them if I wished. I’m not ready to make it permanent...I’m not ready to even begin to throw that curveball to my very conservative parents...But I was proud and happy....and also completely surprised, that they opened it up in the only way they knew how to... I just wasn’t ready to take the plunge. Knowing my parents may be open to the fact that I could be trans relieves so much stress for me, but it’s still not enough if I can’t even come to terms with it in myself... I don’t want to be a “freak”....I don’t want to face the awkward stages of transitioning, and I don’t want to make my own life hard... This is a big thing that I struggle with....wondering if some things are better left not acted upon...Wondering if I just stay the way I am, maybe I could be happy, living the life I’m meant to lead in the body I was born in... But even despite an actual title, I hate my boobs. I hate the way they look, I hate the way they feel...I hate the way it feels like I’m carrying the weight of a burden every single day (literally). I dream of days a flat chest would make my shirts flow better....how I’d instantly look 15 pounds less heavy because I wasn’t carrying these massive jugs attached to my chest.... I’m so thankful the PNW has opened my eyes even more to to the fact that my body may not align with my gender because I believe it’s something I’ve struggled with for a long time now. It’s crazy how deep into burying a hatchet you can get that you don’t even realize what haunts you.. I’m tired of running scared from what might be my truth. I’m ready to work through the cobwebs and face my own truth... Whatever it takes, I’m slowly accepting that I’m wading in the grey... No more black and white, there’s so much grey in my life, and I’m ready to accept whatever shade fits who I’m meant to be.

[agoodwin96]

Implications for men today: Get the facts and step out on faith. We must lead our families with courage and not with uncertainty and fear. We must take the initiative when we are needed and be brave. We cannot be dominated by indecisiveness and timidity. We will protect and provide for our families, as God protects and provides for us all. Christ was the only man who was really “the Man.” His example of masculinity can help men today break out of society’s many false ideas about what boys and men should be. Instead of developing your manhood based on societal ideas, study the life of Jesus Christ and work to be the kind of Man He was! #Christfollower #ManMode #Bulking #Mentality #bodybuilding #fitnessfreak #fitness #igfitness #classicphysique #fearless #follow #like #like4like #fitfam #becomingmore #whoimmeanttobe #fullswingbeast #NationalsPrep #npc

[strivingtogetbetter]

Who I Am

You know, I don't try to make myself out to be a nice person, I get rude, I get attitudes, I eat a bit to much, and I'm insecure , I have multiple issues, and I'm not always optimistic, I have commitment issues, and I hate clingy people, I'm not very well liked, but I never give reasons to be liked, I'm loud, and obnoxious, and I'm so very private, I'm awkward, and I get angry and depressed, and sometimes all I want is a hug, i worry way to much, and i get curious, i prefer to read books, , and I always expect too much, and give too little, I'm not perfect, and I refuse to pretend to be, this is who I am, you can embrace it, or reject it, and though I am all of these things and more, if you can stand by me, I am loyal till the end.

[agoodwin96]

Implications for men today: Get the facts and step out on faith. We must lead our families with courage and not with uncertainty and fear. We must take the initiative when we are needed and be brave. We cannot be dominated by indecisiveness and timidity. We will protect and provide for our families, as God protects and provides for us all. Christ was the only man who was really “the Man.” His example of masculinity can help men today break out of society’s many false ideas about what boys and men should be. Instead of developing your manhood based on societal ideas, study the life of Jesus Christ and work to be the kind of Man He was! #Christfollower #ManMode #Bulking #Mentality #bodybuilding #fitnessfreak #fitness #igfitness #classicphysique #fearless #follow #like #like4like #fitfam #becomingmore #whoimmeanttobe #fullswingbeast #NationalsPrep #npc