#who writes camren fan fiction

[rosejergi]

Feel free to call me, Rose. Being called author is cool and all, but those of you who took the time to find me on here-feel free to call me Rose. He/him.

[mobiused]

why do people have to be such weirdos/write RPF about the actual real idols in loona when their fictional loonaverse characters are right there...

right like im 100% fine with stories about the characters (tho tbh sexual depictions of even loonaverse characters still skeeve me out but i don't have the ability to articulate why) but these people don't have any boundaries or self control. they see the girls as objects to use just to get off to, and if it's not blatantly erotic it's still overstepping and invasive.

the loonaverse narrative literally has so much canon juicy sapphic relationships for fans to enjoy. why can't they be happy with that? we have wholesome highschool 2jin, messy and toxic chuuves, whatever the hell vives is, angsty hyewon, and you can even invent dramatic love triangles like vivesoul or chuuvives if you are really into the lore. i hear gays like found family too - loonaverse narrative literally has a recurring theme of non-nuclear, self-ascribed families being far more valuable than real families. haseul is literally described as the mother figure, and oec trucking off together with the yellow truck & their camper van is SUCH a cute foundation for a fictional story about lipsoul dealing with their basically adopted magical daughter. actually now i wanna write that. or expanding on vives' christmas with choerry's unexpected arrival, thats a romcom plot so good i could sell it to hallmark. there's so much fun to be explored with the loonaverse and yet weird shipper freaks are determined to bring it into the real world, because they are selfish and they are lonely and they do not respect the girls.

the amount of times i see in VLIVE chat when the girls do frequency of the moon episodes about 2jin or hyewon or lipsoul or chuuves, from constant 'jokes' about them dating to "IS CHUUVES REAL? 🙏🙏🙏". what do you think is going to happen? do you really think the members are going to read that and then suddenly confess to the world that yes, they are in fact dating, and jeopardize their livelihoods? they're either forced to distance themselves from each other, thus jeopardising their friendship, or continue to be just as affectionate, further 'fueling' shippers and acting like a green light for inappropriate behavior, and they're powerless to tell their fans to shut the hell up about it. (also tangentially related - this is part of so many ggs business models but ironically not loona lol)

i get how to a sapphic teenager that the idea of two pretty girls that you're a fan of being intimate with each other (whether that's emotional or physical) can be titillating, but it's so important for these teenagers to learn that while entertaining the idea in your brain is probably pretty natural, it is just flat out unacceptable to share this in a public forum. and yeah maybe teenagers have to learn to hold their tongue on these things, but there are so many adults who DO know how inappropriate it is and don't care - or worse, try to argue that it's justifiable, which just helps convince susceptible teenagers that shipping real people is remotely acceptable. its natural for kids to entertaining celebrity crushes and project their sexualities but these people are grown, man. go get a girlfriend. go watch clexa compilations. go write original stories. stop torturing these girls with your lack of boundaries.

anyway, this video of lauren talking about camren and the affect it had on her relationship towards her own sapphic sexuality should be required watching for anyone who thinks for a split second about making shippy fanart or a chat formatted meme about the girls. you are not only disrespecting their boundaries, but to the lgbt members of loona (which there inevitably has to be, there's 12 of them for christ's sake) you are hurting their relationship to their sexualities. think about the damage you are causing because you can't stop yourself from saying such invasive things.

"made me feel like a predator" "i was always the aggressor" "to this day i hyperanalyse every friendship i have with a girl" "so traumatising for me" "it really fucked with my head" "to this day i have an issue flirting with girls because of it" is this really what you want your queer idol to feel like?

sorry poor anon for turning your question into like a 30 minute rant lmao but i have a lot of anger over this because i do love these girls and i want them to be happy and rps is just the biggest enemy to that.

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Here I am bawling my eyes out as I read some camren shippers' confession as to how the ship has helped them. I am saddened by the fact that we are so persecuted but they never saw that this helped us in our dark moments. I went over to my wattpad and see authors saying they'll stop writing and they don't see the reason for it anymore and it hurts. To hear people say they'll stop hurts because they're so good and deserves to be appreciated with their art. People should know that reality and fiction are two different worlds. Camren just inspired that art to come alive in fiction. I also saw how passionate readers are in asking the authors not to delete the fics because it helped them overcome something in them and were close to their hearts. I see them pleading and writing long posts just to persuade writers not to stop. And when i see this, it pains me so because I see the passion in these people. I love Camren but I am a lover of art and literature first and foremost and for those artist whose inspiration is camren, I will forever be a lover of your art. Darlings, I could write you letter upon letter never to be discouraged by the hate you received. Also to my mutuals and to my favorite @stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland , thank you for being the revolutionist in a place where we are injected a reality so distorted, so fake.

To all of those threatening my beloved fellows, a bully and a threat is never okay. You say "but CS come at us too! " then come at those who bully you but have reservations to those who don't. But why am I even saying this? You people don't give a fuck abt it. Worth a try, I guess.

Stuck, emison, romantic, karla and all the others, they're just stating opinion and those who want to believe have the decision to. Those who don't then by all means, DON'T. Did they ever harrass you so you should believe it? You all have a freedom to choose. Use it. As we also have our freedom to not believe in sm.

Just as artists have their freedom to express their art, consumers also have the freedom to choose whether to consume it or not. Don't come threatening the authors and the poets inspired by Camren. The readers will always have the discretion to read or not.

Again, dearest mutuals, beloved authors, lovely editors, you are good with what you do. I am a fan. Amidst all these hate, padayon, ha? (Move forward, okay?) 💓

Love u,

Celeste

___

As always, it is a pleasure to read you dea,r friend. It is a bit sad to realize that everything you mention is disappearing, but I hope I am not wrong in saying that they will return, in time. And I say this because if it happened once before, and they returned, they will return. We just have to give time to time and perhaps calm down a little to continue here. Thank you for mentioning that I am your favorite blog, that is very nice and kind of you and I am very happy that all the crazy things that go through my head regarding fandom, girls and circuses, is to your liking. I think one of the most important things about this fandom or what this fandom, this group of so beautiful people has to take into account, is that belief is important and inspiration is important as well and if the girls and their relationship (friendship , love, whatever), has inspired so many of us, we don't have to stop believing in it. This is more than a ship, folks. Is a feeling. Lauren could have said a lot of things against Camren but she mentioned that their love and friendship was always there and I think that's what inspired us all the most. Let's stay with that and with the fact that no circus and no lie can change that inspiration, that beautiful feeling. We cannot make it dirty because there is already too much dirt around us for more on top, let them take that away from us. We can't let them take that off us, folks. Maybe we can't do anything except that. They cannot take away our right to believe in a beautiful story and they cannot take away the inspiration that brought us and still brings that beautiful story. If we do that, they win.

[modernsocialmediaau]

a dropped penny said this feels so liberating

February 27, 2015

Camila's POV

First day of the Reflection Tour. Holy Shit. I'm going on tour! I've never imagined in my life that this could happen. I just thought I'd still be stuck in my room performing and never coming out but,  now I'm here. I've got 4 amazing best friends, an amazing boyfriend and an awesome job what could possibly go wrong?

" Girl you ready? " Dinah asks while I fixed my hair, I felt weird having it parted on the left or right, seeing that it's usually in the middle. While fixing my hair I could hear Dinah repeatedly taping her foot outside the door and I couldn't help but laugh.

" In a second, this doesn't just happened you know, " I joke, walking out of the dressing room following her to the meet and greet.

Our meet and greet. Ours.

" Girl whatchu talkin about we got a whole team dedicated to help us with all......this. " she said making a circle around her face, and lightly tapping her chin indicating the perfection that was her hair and face.

" Hush up. " I giggled linking our forearms together trying to catch up to the other girls.

You'd think by now I'd get use to the idea of screaming fans and adoring gifts but I still get so emotional. I mean I was in their shoes for who knows how long, screaming for strangers. Having fan accounts, writing/reading fan fictions and even making videos for my OTP which meant Harry and I (embarrassing). Mami use to think it was weird to love some stranger that I barely knew, but it's kinda hard to explain.

" CAMILA! CAMILA! CAMILA! " some girls shouted and I smiled at them and waved.

We first started with a couple of acoustic performances, a few questions and then onto meet and greets. Our first fan was a girl named Emily who greeted us in tears. She came to into my arms for a hug and I couldn't have been happier to squeeze her with love.

" O-my hands are shaking. " Emily said as she laughs hysterically not fully grasping the situation unfolding in front of her.

" It's alright we'll shake along with you, " I joked and started shaking while the other girls followed

" I love you so much, " she cried into our arms as we gave her one of our warmest group hugs

" Oh we love you, " we surprisingly responded in unison.

" So what would like us to do babes? " Lauren asked smilingly wrapping her arm around Emily, making her almost faint. You could tell she was weak in the knees. Lauren always had that affect on people, I would know.

" Can we pretend to make it rain? " she laughs at herself,

" With what tho? " Dinah asked

" Oh-uhm-I already prepared this. " she takes out fake money and shreds of green paper, " Ay! " we all cheered.

" Yes! Girl you are ready!! " Mani cheered as she evenly handed out the slips of paper or fake money and I prepared myself to make it rain.

" We didn't choose the thug life the thug life choose us. " I said earning weird looks from Ally, Normani, and Dinah while Lauren and Emily laughed

" Ready 1,2,3 " the photographer and onto the next fans.

About 30 minutes within the meet and greet, I decided to act cute by holding Lauren's hands and let one of my legs pop out. As soon as that shutter clicked the screams got louder, a few aw's, and they started screaming a name I recognized.

" CAMREN! CAMREN! CAMREN! " they continued to cheer After the two girls left I whispered to Lauren, " Camren? " I feel like this was a discussion topic before, but I just can't remember. She shifts uneasily away from me making me question her even more.

I looked at the others girls, Dinah gave me an I-got-no-clue, Ally gave me a sorry-I-don't-know-either, and Normani gave me nothing it's like she didn't hear me.

" Lauren? " I ask snapping her out of her thoughts

" Sorry Cam-Camila, " she stutters,

Odd. ~~~

I decided after the meet and greet I'll search up Camren. I mean I know it's a ship name but where have I heard it before? While the hairdresser fixed my hair I searched it up on my phone. They're were Tumblr tags which I obviously clicked on.

It was Lauren and I.

Oh right.

Now I remember, Camren. That same name that gave me hope, Camren. That idea of Lauren actually finally saying she loved me back, Camren. At the same time, the same lie that tore me down every single day of my life until I realized. Camren wasn't and will never be real. Thank you, Camren.

" Lauren! " I said catching her attention. The older woman looked up from her phone and gave me surprised look.

" Look, " I hand her my phone and watch as she scrolled through the tag,

" Weren't we cute? " I said trying to lightly tread over the subject. Camren hasn't exactly been the best towards me,  and it still feels like a fresh wound.

In the beginning it was hell because , well, I wanted it to be true. But the more I thought of it the more scared and untrue it became the more awkward it got.

" Super " she says boringly I guess she's not too fond of it at the moment. We use to take so much pride of owning and loving our friendship, but now....nothing. It's like there is no Camren.

" Right, no wonder they were screaming that, " I laugh at myself while she agreed, still holding something back,

" Are you okay? " I ask

" Yea. " she fakes a smile

" You're a horrible liar, Are you sure? " I turn to her making the hairdresser mad I gave her sorry and continued to pay attention to Lauren. I know I had no right talking to her as if icing her out never happened but that was the only way to get over her. The only way for me to move on, and the idea of her knowing that there was even a " her " to move on from, was unbearable.

" Yeah Camila, just tired you know, " she fakes,

" It's the first day of tour, " I say making her lightly chuckle, taking me by surprise. I haven't really heard her laugh or chuckle like that in a while.

" Well you know me, working hard or hardly working, " that was the last thing she said before she left.

I nod trying to understand that we can no longer talk to each other how we use too. What I mean by that is, joke around, playfully hit each other, pretend to flirt and-I don't even know anymore. We're just awkward now.

~~~

Lauren's POV

Couple minutes earlier...

" Lauren, " Camila called

" Look, " she hands me her phone and watch as I scrolled through our tag. I had to be careful as to how I would react to this Camren stuff.

This wasn't the first time this was brought up to us privately and publicly. And every time it was brought up she somehow dodged it faster than she can dodge a bullet but it hasn't happened in quite a while. Like a year long, so yeah a while. Back then (X-Factor first part of Harmonize America) we didn't seem to care we were just friends, but Austin came into the picture. Then one day she practically just stopped being my best friends. I mean she got close to the other girls and so did I. Ever since then we have had this awkward friendship hiatus. Or whatever she'd like to call it.

" Isn't that cute, "

Cute? That is beyond the farthest thing I thought she would have said. It's like she had amnesia for a year because she suddenly sparks an interest in our past. 1 month into her ignoring me the girls decided it was to act as if there was no Camren, Camren was not a word, nor did it ever happen. Our friendship seem to vanish in thin air.

" Super " I don't think I'm angry about it I mean it's been a year and stuff but now it's like I'm just numb. I mean we use to be inseparable and now we can't even be in a room together without making it awkward enough for one of us to leave.

" Right, no wonder they were screaming that, " she laughs at herself while I agreed carefully. That's the keyword here, well every time I should say. Anytime we have a conversation I always have to keep in mind to be CAREFUL as to how I approach each conversation, it's like walking on eggshells.

" Are you okay? " she asks

" Yea. " I fake a smile

" You're a horrible liar, Are you sure? " she turns to me making the hairdresser mad, she gave her sorry and continued to pay attention to me

" Yeah Camila, just tired you know, " I make up, and yea I don't call her Camz anymore because I'm scared. That's what it's like now, scary.

" It's the first day of tour, " she says making me naturally chuckle.

" Well you know me, working hard or hardly working, " I said jokingly and walked away from her.

After I left the room I began to panic, I walk past the dressing room and looked for Normani. I walked passed about 5 different hallways until I found her walking out of the bathroom.

" Normani! " I scream making her jump and look at me worriedly

" What? Whats wrong? " she says while we held each other's forearm dramatically

" Camila, she's-talking to me? " I mutter, I know what your thinking why should I be panicking about her talking to me. And the reason to that is last time this happened things went too far. For one thing I almost lost my mind trying to get answers as to what I did to her, making her ignore me. Secondly, I almost told her I loved her. Still love.

" Oh. " her eyes popped open and began to worry along with me. Normani's has been my rock through this whole experience she knows every single thing that has happened like a map.

•••

" Alright girls can we run it from the top for Better Together? Make sure your are in sync and one with each other. " Sean snapped at us trying to bring us back. We're currently in the middle of rehearsing and putting together our opening act for Demi's Neon Lights Tour. Not only that, 2 weeks from now the tour starts and so does finishing our first official album, so everything is pretty hectic.

" Lauren? " Normani clapped getting my attention, I guess I was the only one left seeing that the rest of the girls were in their position. I released a small huff and weak smile before running to my spot. I watch Normani give me a questioning smile, and I just shook it off and got my head in the choreo.

After rehearsals the girls and I were cleaning up our stuff, seeing that I didn't usually make a mess of things I finished rather quickly so I decided to talk to Camila.

" Hey Camz, " I lightly tap her shoulder, she quickly shuttered away. Ouch.

" Hi Lauren, " she says coldly, I shook it off and just continued to smile.

" The Notebook and Chill tonight? " I joke hoping she'd finally crack a smile at me.

" I-uhhm-I can't--because I've-Uhm-I've got plans. " she struggled to finished.

" Oh, alright. " I sighed almost reaching towards her for a hug goodbye.

" Yeah, maybe next time? " she let out a fake smile before walking away from our short and meaningless conversation. " Sure. " I whisper. I felt the formation of tears come but I couldn't let them out yet, not here not now. I let out a sniffle and quickly gathered the tears on my index finger letting them go, that's when a felt a familiar gesture of comfort. Which was Normani wrapping her shoulder around me and asking;

" Can you tell me now? I've watched the same thing unfold over 100 times in 3 months, maybe it's good to finally talk about it? "

Seeing the tour started her in LA we decided to stay until we left for the tour. The girls and I stayed at our usual hotel with our usual sleeping arrangements but I wish I was rooming with Camila.

After the release of our EP and promo tour she's been so cold, it's like after we got signed we hung out less and less. And even if we did it wasn't for more than 5 hours, I get it she's got other friends and stuff but why the sudden cold shoulder.

And at the mention of our ship name Carmen it's like she's disgusted, which doesn't make sense because we created Camren.

" What's going on Lo? " Mani wondered as we entered our hotel room. I placed my bag down on the floor, and plopped down my bed faced down. I let out a groan before I felt the tears fell and the song of sobs began.

" Lauren? " she questions lifting my shoulder and turning me over, " Okay you're worrying me, please tell me what's wrong? " she then say me up and pulled me into a really really tight hug.

" Lauren please tell me what's wrong? I gave you space and waited for an explanation for but now I could careless. This isn't you, for the past 3 months I've watched you approach Camila then come back here and mope. Please tell me what's happening. " she practically begged making me cry even more.

" I'll grab you some tissues and water and I'll be right back okay, " she stood up from my bed and walked away to grab what she said she would while I grabbed the pillow behind me. I brought the pillow to my chest and watched Mani come walking back to me with the items.

I used a couple of tissues to clear my nose and drank some water to wet my super dry throat.

" Lauren? " she asked once more. " Camila hates me. " I state making her scoff not believing me, but seeing that I started to cry again she knew I was serious.

" Where'd you get that idea? " she rubbed my shoulder and brought my head on her shoulder.

" She won't talk to me, she won't even acknowledge my presence. " I cried into her shoulder,  " Shh...shh...that's a bit ridiculously isn't it? I mean you and Mila are like best friends. " she explained trying to convince other wise.

" Are we? "

•••

" Okay what about? I think we've established your love for her, " she jokes trying to lighten the mood

" Camren. She knows! Mani she knows! SHE'S FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT! " I say almost breaking into tears shocking her. Her eyes widen and gave me a quick hug before saying

" Hey, hey, hey listen to me let's go on the bus okay, " she drags me out as tears began to pour

We left the venue and found our way to the bus, thankfully there was no one there. We walked to the back of the bus since we know that's where we would get more privacy there.

" Tell me what happened? " she asks sitting across from me

" Didn't you hear her question earlier? " I ask hugging my knees to my chest

" Yes, but I tried to act like I didn't hear it, and it hasn't really come up in months specially from her side. So it was weird," she answered

"Yea but now I'm getting flashbacks about those horrible months with her giving me such a cold shoulder. And now it's even worse because it's like she's trying to play some fucked up game. Where she'd gained my trust again, figure out what I'm hiding, then ice me out again because of said secret. "  

" Wait! So she doesn't actually know? " she interrupts me

" Well-no, " I answer, she sighs loudly

" Listen to me honey, maybe she finally realized that what she did was wrong and she's just trying to rekindle your friendship okay. Just don't act suspicious during the subject, " She advised

" But that's what I'm worried about, what if she questions me about it. " I began to sob again. She stood up and walked to my side

" Don't give her a reason to read into it. Okay, don't give them a reason to think my that you know somethin-"

" But I do. " I interrupt

" Yes and only you and I know about that. " she smiles comforting me

" What if she finds out, I can't take another ice cold Camila. I like how everything is and I've accepted it. " I say while she sat there sarcastically laughing, I looked at her not getting what was so funny about what I said.

" Are you serious? " she stood back up

" What? "

" You like how everything is? Are you serious? HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY ACCEPT SOMETHING UNNECESSARY! Listen to me you don't deserve this okay, she should have given you an explanation. I seriously thought that during that last month of Neons Lights Tour everything would be back normal again. I didn't think it could get any worse, never did I ever imagine that she could do it again. Not only that as soon as you almost confessed you love she wave around the idea of her and Austin. It's as if burning you twice wasn't enough for her. I love Mila as much as the next girl but that's not how she should've handle the situation. " she paced while I disappointingly agreed

" I didn't think it would be this bad Mani, I really didn't. It's just a crush. " I sobbed

" I know, I know. But you still need to know the truth.This is how Camren should've been handled, not ignored." she caresses my hair comforting me

" Well I can't tell her! You saw how she acted, about this Mani! " I defended myself

" Alright I see your point? But it's just a crush and your not a lesbian " she says

" Who isn't a lesbian? "Camila walked into the back scaring Mani and I

" Uh, Rebel Wilson " Mani quickly answered

" Oh that's a bummer, " she smiles

" Hey are you okay? " she asked and Mani looked at me with a act-normal look before she left

" Yea just really nervous, " I say caressing my hands

" Why? You've performed so many times before? " she laughs and sits down next to me

I shift a little more to my left to have some space between us, but that only made her come closer.

Come on Lauren! Act normal!

" Well it's our first official tour where it's just us, you know, " I say looking at her

Her eyes their so simple and cute I could stare at them all day. Some might say that brown is plain and boring but not hers it's like every time I look in them I can see all the amazing things she can do. My mom always said if you ever fall in love with somebody don't fall for their looks but fall for their eyes because the eyes are the only that lasts forever. They are so mesmerizing, and her hair her perfectly curly light colored hair falling on her shoulder we're just killers. If looks could kill, I would be dead.

" Lo? " she surprisingly says, haven't heard that in a while " Yea? " I weakly smiled

" I said, it won't matter what happened we're all in this together. " she smiles holding my hand.

" Right, well I have to get my make-up done again, so I'll see you later. " I got up from the couch and left the bus

When I step foot onto the pavement someone grabbed my arm and pulled me to the front of the bus.

" Mani what the hell? " I say

" What happened? " she asks eagerly

" Nothing, now seriously I have to get my make up done again. " I plainly answered

She nods her head and we made our way back to our dressing room. This is going to be one long and interesting tour.

A/N Guys I hoped you liked the first chapter please lemme know ;)

Here are some helpful tips for the future: (•••): Flashback (---): Next Scene (*Words*): Phone Call

[5hfanfiction]

Camp Hansen (Chapter 10)

“Lauren, wait up!”

The older girl stopped and waited for Camila to catch up before turning back around. “We’re heading to the creek, but we’ll take a different way. It takes longer, but it’ll keep them from following us.”

“Okay,” Camila said, but her eyes darted from tree to tree. “You know what you’re doing, right? Because I kind of don’t want to get lost in this forest. And I don’t think you want it either. Just think about the theories our fans will have when it becomes known that you and I have gotten lost in the woods. Together. They’d probably say we ran away and eloped and they’re gonna write hundreds of fanfics about it or something and we’ll be stuck here until we die while they trend something about Camren.”

“Ha, ha,” the green-eyed girl said dryly and trudged forward. “Don’t worry, I have it all planned out. It’s pure logic. If we keep going straight ahead and then take a sharp right, we’re going to find the creek with no trouble at all.”

“Except that creeks don’t flow in a straight line. Or that it’s nearly impossible to walk a straight line on your own.”

Almost unnoticeable, Lauren paused. “I knew that. Nevertheless, we’ll find it. One way or the other.”

The unconvincing answer didn’t assure Camila in the slightest. She glanced over her shoulder, only to be met with more trees and bushes. They were already too far away to see or hear the others. They were completely alone. She crossed her arms and looked back to Lauren who kept marching forward, unbothered by the possible danger they could find themselves in.

“One way or the other…” Camila scoffed quietly. “Lauren, you know I love you, but sometimes you do rash things without thinking them through. We’re in the middle of an unknown forest with no paths or maps or even a GPS signal or a compass to help us. If we get lost, our only chance for survival is screaming for help and hoping that the girls will somehow find us without getting lost themselves. We can’t just aimlessly walk around and hope for the best. Or do you want to ask a squirrel for directions? Or a bear?”

Stopping suddenly, Lauren swiftly turned around. The glare that she gave the younger girl was bone-chilling. “I didn’t ask you to follow me and I certainly didn’t force you either. If you’re that scared about getting lost in the woods or getting eaten by a bear, how about you turn around and leave me the fuck alone?!”

Not intimidated in the slightest, Camila crossed her arms and evenly met the furious eyes of her once best friend. “I’m sorry for worrying about our lives. I’ll try to be as reckless as you from now on.”

“You are so full of yourself, it’s astounding! Have you ever worried about anyone else in your life? Because I kinda see a pattern here.”

Confused, Camila furrowed her brow. “What are you talking about? I worry for the both of us. We have no idea what kind of animals live in these woods –”

“This is not about some stupid animals!”

“It’s…” Camila blinked. “it’s not?”

“Fucking hell,” Lauren cursed, “I can’t believe you! You can’t be that daft, Camila! I’m talking about you constantly brushing off the concerns of others because they don’t seem important to you until it’s suddenly about yourself!”

“If this is about Camren –”

“OF COURSE THIS IS ABOUT FUCKING CAMREN!” The younger girl winced at the volume. Above them dozens of birds fled from the treetops, screeching in fear. Lauren glared at them and grudgingly lowered her voice a few notches. “When have you ever tried to see it from my point of view?! ‘It’s what fans do, Lauren. Don’t be so mean to them, Lauren. They don’t do it to hurt you, Lauren. It’s just all in good fun, Lauren.’ But they do hurt me and it’s not fun for me, Camila! Don’t my feelings matter at all in this? If I tell you that I can’t go on like this – that I can’t live with them sexualizing our friendship, with them harassing people I love – shouldn’t my opinion matter too? Shouldn’t my feelings be considered too?!”

Wide-eyed, Camila took a step back. “Of… of course… but –”

“Even my friends –“ Lauren pointed towards the way they came from, her arm shaking with rage. “Even my friends are now questioning me – are talking about all of these ridiculous rumors…are believing them. My own family asked me if they were true.”

“Lauren…”

“You could have helped me to put a stop to all of this, but you never did. You kept protecting those lunatics that harassed me time and time again –”

“They don’t do it to be mean –”

“See?!” Lauren pointed at her. “You turn the other way. It didn’t matter to you how many times I begged you to deny it. And you know how they take your silence –”

“That’s not fair,” Camila firmly interrupted her. “You can’t just stand there and accuse me of being selfish. You used to loveCamren, Lauren. You were the one who hashtagged all of our pictures with it. You were the one who encouraged our fans to ship us. You were the one who started this whole… this whole flirtatious friendship of ours in the first place. You can’t blame me just because I don’t want to make our fans unhappy over something as trivial as a fictional ship.”

Lauren scoffed. “First of all, we never had a… flirtatious friendship –”

“I beg to differ.” Camila rolled her eyes. “We were always flirting in public with each other and you know it. You heard Dinah and Normani. They didn’t talk about Camren because of those rumors. Theynoticed that our friendship is not strictly platonic – or at least that it hasn’t always been platonic.”

“I’m not –”

“Gay?” Camila finished Lauren’s sentence. She sighed in exhaustion and shook her head. “You really need to stop saying that. It’s just me, Lauren. Look around, we’re alone. It’s just… me.” She glanced back up to the green eyes of her friend. “We used to tell each other everything. I was there through it all. We might not be as close to each other as we used to, but… you’re still one of the most important people to me. I still love you. You know that.”

“You know nothing.” It was supposed to sound angry, even intimidating – but it only came out as a broken whisper. “You hear me? You know nothing, Camila. Nothing. Drop it.”

They fell silent for a while. The unspoken words hung in the air around them. When Lauren finally broke the intense eye-contact, Camila deflated, but her eyes shone with determination as she took in the vulnerable girl in front of her. After a few seconds she nodded to herself, obviously having made a decision.

“I don’t like boys.”

Lauren’s head spun around so quickly that her neck made an audible crack, but the green-eyed girl didn’t seem to notice. Stunned, she stared at the younger girl as if she was seeing her for the first time. “What?!”

Camila helplessly shrugged and her cheeks turned into a pale shade of red. “I don’t like boys. I mean, sometimes I do. Or maybe I just like the idea of them. Of having a boyfriend. Like in the movies and books, you know? But it’s like there’s something missing… I don’t know. I thought a kiss would be this amazing thing that you keep wanting to do again, that it was something magical, but… kissing boys is just… it’s nothing. It doesn’t really do anything to me. I tried to convince myself that I liked it, but it was just… it was boring. And their hands are too big and rough and… I don’t know, I like holding hands with girls much better. Or hugging girls. Or kissing girls…” Glancing away, Camila cleared her throat. “Girls are prettier too. Boys can be good looking, but girls are… they’re really beautiful.”

Lauren opened her mouth, only to close it again. Blinking, she ran her fingers through her hair. Her previous anger was forgotten as she tried to come to terms with this new information. “You… you like girls? You’re… gay? B-but… Austin?”

“Austin was…” Camila trailed off, staring into the distance. “Austin was the first boy who actually wanted to date me. I don’t know, it sounds kind of silly now, but… I really wanted to feel normal for once. Our lives were so busy and everyone kept asking me about my non-existent first kiss – I wanted to be a normal teenage girl for once and have a boyfriend. You had Luis and later Brad –”

“Don’t. Just… don’t,” Lauren muttered, grimacing slightly. “Everything was a lie then? You constantly gushed over him, Camila. You were barely leaving his sight. You were obsessed with that idiot. And you were heartbroken when he ended it. Don’t even dare to deny it, I was there. We all held you when you cried your eyes out.”

Biting her lip, Camila shrugged again. “Of course I was hurt when he left me after we just went public. I wasn’t in love with him, though. I mean, I obviously thought I was, but I wasn’t. Sexuality is a really confusing thing and it takes time to come to terms with your own. You should know that.”

“Yes, I –“ Lauren stopped herself and glared at her. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Camila sighed. “Oh please, Lauren. Not only does our less than platonic past give me a clue, but you act just like me. You’re just a little more… aggressive in your denial.”

“Stop bringing up the fucking past!” Lauren hissed, looking around as if she was expecting the other girls to eavesdrop. “That didn’t mean anything. We were confused, Camila. That’s what it was. We were lonely and confused. It was… an experiment, okay? It’s totally normal and healthy to try stuff like that, but there were no feelings whatsoever involved. I’m not gay. Stop saying that I am! We agreed to never talk about any of this again. Why do you always have to bring this up?!”

Camila clenched her jaw, but otherwise remained completely calm. “And Lucy? Is she an experiment too?”

“Don’t bring her into this,” Lauren snarled, taking a step closer. “Shut the fuck up.”

The younger girl put her hands up in defense. “I understand that you want the Camren rumors to go away, but even if you and I posted a joined statement online, it wouldn’t help anyone. It would just hurt our fans and draw attention. Tabloids would write about it. It wouldn’t go away, you know that, Lauren. You would only make it worse.”

Lauren took a deep breath and turned away from her. “I hate this. Everything we do or don’t do gets scrutinized. We look at each other? We’re in love. We keep our distance? We’re obviously fighting. Why is our private life so important for everyone? It’s not fucking fair. I don’t know what to do…”

“For one, you could stop fighting the gay label,” Camila mumbled. Lauren snapped her head around to glare at her, but she quickly continued. “Yes, I know, you’re not gay, but you’re not straight either. I’m just saying you could avoid putting any kind of label on you. It worked for me. Like, I use gender neutral pronouns most of the time whenever they ask us something about love. I call them out for assuming we’re straight. I drop hints for the time when I actually do come out.”

Lauren furrowed her brow. “But that would only increase Camren rumors…”

Exasperated, Camila closed her eyes and tilted her head back. A deep sigh escaped her lips. “Right. And being completely furious whenever someone mentions Camren is not suspicious at all. You and your goddamn double standards.” She clenched her jaw and looked back to the girl in front of her. “You could have just ignored it all, you know? You could have acted like you do with the other girls. You could have brushed it off and kept being my friend in public. Fans usually pick two group members and ship them, it’s not unusual. It could have been nothing, Lauren. You made it a big deal. You gave them ammunition with each tweet, with each rant you posted. I’m sick of it.”

“You’re sick of it?!” Lauren laughed coldly, shaking her head in disbelief. “You are the one benefiting from all of this! You get all the support from Camren shippers because I’m the bad guy in this!”

“Benefiting?” Camila replied stunned. “I lost my best friend because of this bullshit you put me through! I got hurt. I felt alone. How did that benefit me?!”

“I don’t think distancing ourselves in public was too much to ask for!”

“It certainly is when in public suddenly changes to everywhere!”

“You know very well how sneaky our fans are!”

“But I don’t let them dictate my life,” Camila hissed, eyes narrowed in anger. Her hands had curled into fists and shook with barely suppressed raged. “I don’t drop my friends because of something as silly as this. I don’t ask them to stop holding my hand. To stop looking at them. To stop hugging them. Being afraid and in denial of your sexuality is no excuse of how you treated me. I felt like shit, Lauren. I thought I had hurt you in some way! I thought you were disgusted by me. You can’t treat people like that and expect them to be fine with it. It was not my fault that you think liking girls is something bad!”

Lauren opened her mouth, only to close it soon after. She looked as if she had bitten into a lemon.

“Why couldn’t you just act naturally around me, like you’re doing with the other girls?” Camila asked again, sounding slightly dejected. “Who cares if you’re gay or bi or straight? Our fandom doesn’t. Our families won’t. Liking girls is not wrong, Lauren. You should finally start to live by the things you preach.”

Lauren crossed her arms defensively and narrowed her eyes. “It’s none of their business. How can you be so calm about this? They’re telling everyone we’re in love, Camila. They’re telling our families and our friends that we’re lesbians. Don’t you want to come out on your own terms? How can that make you not mad? They are way past the line. They crossed it a long time ago.”

“Our fandom says worse things to me and about me than linking me to you romantically. I don’t know, I’m kind of flattered that they deem me good enough for you,” Camila joked, but the hopeful smile on her lips dimmed as Lauren only continued to glare at her. “You seriously need to let go of that anger. Being gay or bi is not a bad thing.”

Lauren scoffed. “I’m not seeing you out and proud either.”

“Of course not, my family wouldn’t be ready for that yet,” Camila waved off as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. “But I accept myself the way I am. If I like girls, who cares? It’s okay. I am what I am, right? We’re always preaching love and acceptance to our fans. We should follow our own advice. If you tell a fan that it’s okay if she’s gay or bi or whatever, how can you look at yourself in the mirror and think it’s not? Would you say that to your fan? No, of course you wouldn’t. So don’t say that to yourself either.”

“It’s not even about that! It’s about people assuming Camren is real and attacking my friends!”

Barely hiding the roll of her eyes, Camila sighed. “Yes, some of them cross the line in messing with our private life, but… Lauren, what are you going to do with Lucy?”

Lauren furrowed her brow, obviously thrown off by the sudden topic change. “Lucy?”

“I mean that you can’t let it destroy your relationship like it destroyed ours.” She held Lauren’s gaze, waiting for her to start fuming, to start attacking her, to start denying, but the older girl only pressed her lips together to a firm line. “Some fans are starting to ship you guys, some have always been, but it’s growing. I know you’ve seen it. Don’t repeat your mistake and pull away from her. She doesn’t deserve this, Lauren.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I have eyes. And I’ve been there.” Camila gave her a sad smile and shrugged. “It’s okay. I always suspected that you two had history of some sort. If I was the person who made you realize… who made you comfortable enough to pursue it…” She took a deep breath and looked away from the green eyes. “Well, then I’m okay with having been your experiment. It’s obvious that you never felt the same for me with how you acted afterwards. I’m not mad at you for that. I’m disappointed that you destroyed our friendship, but… I’m not mad.”

Lauren clenched her jaw. “I didn’t destroy our friendship, Camila. You became more and more distant. We could have remained friends in private, but you avoided me like the plague.”

“Seriously? You’re blaming me for…” Camila trailed off and shook her head, stunned. “You know what? Fine. Have it your way. When everything I have just said to you doesn’t mean a thing, then continue to bath in self-pity. Just keep thinking you’re the only victim here and that nothing is your fault.”

“It was not my fault. Hey – where are you going?” Lauren frowned as Camila turned around and walked away. “Are you seriously leaving? On your own?”

“There’s obviously nothing I can say or do to help you,” she called over her shoulder and continued in the direction that would hopefully lead her back to camp. “I’m not standing here and let you blame me for things beyond my control.”

“Camila, it’s not safe…” Lauren trailed off as the younger girl kept walking through the bushes and slowly disappeared from her view. “Fuck.”

Groaning, she looked up to the treetops and shook her head in exasperation before looking back to where her group mate had gone. With a roll of her eyes, she started to run as fast as the uneven ground allowed her to, trying to catch up.

════════════

♦    tumblr       wattpad    ♦

[back-to-louis]

I really do wish someone would do a study, the need of tinhatting and shipping. How it has to be a white man and the white man has to fit a certain look and a majority of the time painfully young (early 20's or late teens). Why, what they say and how their lives are completely ignored. Louis-"I'm straight." Fans-"He's lying and he's scared to come out." Harry doesn't label himself-"I don't feel like it's something I've ever felt like I have to explain about myself." Fans-Promptly labels him.

Yeah, the closest thing I think we have is Fifty Shades of Yellow, but this doesn’t begin to come close to analyzing how much tinhatting has evolved and invaded in the subsequent years of Larry Stylinson, Camren, etc. Literally no one that I know of has academically delved into the ways in which this cult has solidified and become more and more radical with every denial and conflict, to the point where they’re casually asserting that whole children have been fabricated for the purposes of these mens’ forced closets, but that there will be no repercussions for these men consenting to participate.

I want people to study the fandom’s approaches to male sexuality and to heterosexuality in general and to bi erasure and gender stereotyping and the concept of “wanting to be outed” that they believe can be determined by co-opting the term “queer cues��� from fiction; I want studies on the way that tinhats bolster their faith by diving into fanfiction when disconfirming events occur, because they believe the best authors are writing the truth about what happens behind the scenes in ways that titillate them and “explain away” whatever is unpleasant. I fully want people to investigate the racist and ageist undertones of the genericness of exactly who is found attractive and why it is that as these women age, the ages of the men they fetishize never changes.

So many things that ought to be studied, but as far as I can tell the only people who really study the phenomenon are larries themselves who seek to earn good PR by saying “older fans do charity and organization really well!” and leaving off the times they looked the other way while their followers sent porn stills to Louis Tomlinson’s sister and mum.

[the-cutestfuckingbread]

Do you have any tips on how to stop shipping camren? Asking for a friend

At some point you have to realize that it’s over, and you must move on. Right?

WRONG!

Moving on is for real people with their real problems and real relationships IRL. There’s a reason we decided to get so emotionally invested in the drama that manifests from camren. It’s because of the emotions they elicit inside us. In other words, THE FEELS. And any shipper will tell you that feels can completely wreck you. So here’s a short list of activities that will keep out of a panic once you have realized camren “was never real”.

Rewatch camren videos (AKA “Denial”)

What you do is get a lot of napkins, lots of kleenex and gather a list of camren moments, camren cracks or any scenes they shared together, and make a playlist on YouTube. It’s always important to have some sort of playlist or queue handy so that you can always pull it up and watch whenever you’re down that our ship sunk.

Reblog the GIFs (AKA “Poor Man’s Denial”)

Follow a few users who either reblog GIFs or make their own, and make sure to reblog or like them yourself. That way, you can always watch our flawless camren ship in a vacuum state filtered to highlighted and accented colors and reminisce of what could have been.

Write Fanfiction (AKA “Create the Narrative”)

It’s 2017: if you don’t like reality, you can change that. Why not? Oh so an anti thinks that our ship is buried six feet under? WELL THEY’RE WRONG. And we will prove it to them by writing the smuttiest Fanfiction ever. See how hot that was?

Read Fanfiction (AKA “Read Someone Else’s Narrative”)

Let’s face it: we all don’t have the time nor the essential tools to write stories. So, sometimes you just have to be a fan of someone else’s fanfiction. And that’s totally okay, too. As long as there are a lot of sex scenes between your camren. (Okay, fine, and some “fluff,” as well.)

Pretend you’re one-half of camren (AKA “Become Delusional”)

Trick your brain into thinking that you are Camila or Lauren. Act out scenes and potential storylines alone in your bedroom. Cry appropriately because you are both (a) Forever alone and (b) Delusional. Realize that your potential storyline would make for some good fanfiction.

Branch out to other camren shippers (AKA “Burn Book”)

Sometimes the best way to get over a breakup — either real or fictional — is to just hangout with some likeminded people and cry… and also just curse out those responsible. Get on Tumblr, search on Twitter, find those who are just as upset as you and decide to cry. Then exchange tweets about how awful reality is. Cry again.

Food (AKA “Obviously”)

Just eat food. Eat a lot of food.

[lishakiyoko]

1: My name? Alisha. 2: Do I have any nicknames? lisha 3: Zodiac sign? gemini 4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? anything mario 5: Book/series I reread? none lol 6: Aliens or ghosts? aliens 7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? what 8: Favourite radio station? the popular ones 9: Favourite flavour of anything? chocolate for sure 10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? amazing 11: Favourite song? i hate those kinds of questions 12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? what they do for work... that's what happens when you're 30 😝 13: Favourite word? butthole 14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? i always forgive 15: Last song I listened to? i think it was a jack black song cos camren was playing it. 16: TV show I always recommend? vikings! 17: Pirates or ninjas? ninjas 18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down? probably something depressing. not anything to help lol 19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? it always changes. 20: Favourite video games? anything mario or easy like that 21: What am I most afraid of? not living my life to the fullest 22: A good quality of mine? i'm an amazing girlfriend haha 23: A bad quality of mine? i lie a lot 24: Cats or dogs? cats! 25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in? so many good ones! i really love natalie portman for an actress and i'm absolutely in love with travis fimmel and charlie hunnam 26: Favourite season? winter 27: Am I in a relationship? yes 28: Something I miss? being young 29: My best friend? my boyfriend 30: Eye colour? brown 31: Hair colour? brown 32: Someone I love? camren 33: Someone I trust? i wanna say camren but even he's hid some big things from me in the past couple years... so that's iffy 34: Someone I always think about? buying things lol 35: Am I excited about anything? a better future 36: My current obsession? ginger tea 37: Favourite TV shows as a child? eurekas castle maybe? i can't remember 38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? i tell camren almost everything. i'm with him all the time anyway 39: Am I superstitious? not really 40: What do I think about most? being a better person 41: Do I have any strange phobias? i'm claustrophobic for sure 42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind! but i wanna try and be in front this year when camren starts his youtube channel 43: Favourite hobbies? i'm boring so idk lol 44: Last book I read? it's been years 45: Last film I watched? ps i love you 46: Do I play any instruments? nope 47: Favourite animal? kitties 48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? uh 49: Superpower I wish I could have? fly! disappear as well 50: How do I destress? lay in bed and watch tv 51: Do I like confrontation? not at all ugh. the worst 52: When do I feel most at peace? when i'm at home and it's quiet. like right now. 53: What makes me smile? i laugh at everything so it doesn't take much to make me smile 54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? off. i need it pitch black 55: Play any sports? ew what 56: What is my song of the week? lights "lucky ones" 57: Favourite drink? pellagrino sparkling water in pomegranate. although it's more like a soda than sparkling water 58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? it's been a long time but i signed something and mailed it out recently haha 59: Afraid of heights? a little. i was pretty terrified when i went to the top of the sky tree in tokyo (2nd tallest building in the world might i add) 60: Pet peeve? messy people 61: What was the last concert I went to see? i don't remember. i hope to see a good one this year tho. 62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? nope. just ate pork last night! 63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? nurse. still a possibility if camren gets more business and i can quit my job... do school full time. 64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? sort of. enemies for a little while but forgave each other. i still hold a little bit of a grudge lol. 65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? something futuristic 66: Something I worry about? getting pregnant before my life is stable 67: Scared of the dark? nah 68: Who are my best friends? cheddar and jonathan 69: What do I admire most about others? being their own motivators. a will to get shit done. being able to drive and have a car lol. 70: Can I sing? a little bit. that's another thing i'll be working on this year 71: Something I wish I could do? drive 72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? pay of mine and my families debt. 73: Have I ever skipped school? yeah 74: Favourite place on the planet? japan 75: Where do I want to live? id stay here in los angeles but other than that probably japan 76: Do I have any pets? two cats 77: What is my current desktop picture? some guild wars thing camren changes out here and there. it's his computer 78: Early bird or night owl? early bird 79: Sunsets or sunrise? sunsets. im not that early of a bird 80: Can I drive? hell to the no 81: Story behind my last kiss? that's private lol 82: Earphones or headphones? headphones 83: Have I ever had braces? twice 84: Story behind one of my scars? they aren't very exciting 85: Favourite genre of music? i hate this question too 86: Who is my hero? i dunno 87: Favourite comic book character? not a comic book fan 88: What makes me really angry? what doesn't make me angry? haha 89: Kindle or real book? real book 90: Favourite sporty activity? i don't do sports. i like to watch hockey tho. 91: What is one thing that isn’t taught in schools that should be? money management 92: What was my favourite subject at school? art 93: Siblings? two younger sisters 94: What was the last thing I bought? a water bottle 95: How tall am I? 5'1 96: Can I cook? barley. just a couple of things i've done over and over like chicken and veggies or eggs 97: Can I bake? my oven doesn't work but if it did there's a bunch of things i'd love to try 98: 3 things I love? my cats, my home, and my boyfriend 99: 3 things I hate? living with a bunch of people, being tickled, being on the freeway 100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? i think it's pretty even 101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? boys. i've always loved hanging out with boys better 102: Where was I born? southern california 103: Sexual orientation? bi curious but never had a chance to explore the other side unfortunately 104: Where do I currently live? north hollywood california 105: Last person I texted? camren. he texted me from the other room to bring him coffee 😒 106: Last time I cried? maybe a week ago? 107: Guilty pleasure? menchies froyo 108: Favourite Youtuber? jaclyn hill 109: A photo of myself. probably my profile pic 110: Do I like selfies? not really. i'm pretty bad at them 111: Favourite game app? i don't play games on my phone 112: My relationship with my parents? it's good 113: Favourite accents? british 114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? new york ( 30th bday tho!! ) 115: Favourite number? 4 116: Can I juggle? no lol 117: Am I religious? no but i do have faith 118: Do I like space? it's a little scary, especially black holes 119: Do I like the deep ocean? i dunno 120: Am I much of a daredevil? no way 121: Am I allergic to anything? i think cats a little bit 122: Can I curl my tongue?ya 123: Can I wiggle my ears? no 124: Do I like clowns? they're okay 125: The Beatles or Elvis? the beatles 126: My current project? reinstating my pharmacy tech certification ( different from my tech license, i can work anywhere as opposed to just retail) 127: Am I a bad loser? no 128: Do I admit when I wrong? not really lol 129: Forest or beach? beach 130: Favourite piece of advice? none 131: Am I a good liar? yeah lol. i've lied about so much shit 132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? i dunno. the only one i've watched all the way through was the hunger games and i don't even remember who was in what district 133: Do I talk to myself? sometimes. mostly in my brain 134: Am I very social? nope 135: Do I like gossip? yeah 136: Do I keep a journal/diary? no 137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? All the time 138: Do I believe in second chances? yes 139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? keep it lol. i'm a bad person and i love money 140: Do I believe people are capable of change? yes 141: Have I ever been underweight? yes when i was a freshman in highschool cos i got really sick and lost a bunch of weight. i was 96lbs. 142: Am I ticklish? very and don't you ever fuckin try to tickle me cos it pissed me the fuck off 😘 143: Have I ever been in a submarine? no way. claustrophobia 144: Have I ever been on a plane? yes. i used to be terrified but now i love it! traveling is awesome. i love the whole process. 145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? i'm too tired to answer this 146: Have I ever been overweight? i wouldn't consider myself overweight but i am the heaviest i've ever been. 147: Do I have any piercings? ears and nose 148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? jax from sons of anarchy 149: Do I have any tattoos? 3 but i want them removed 150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? pursuing a career 151: Do I believe in Karma? yes 152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? nope. i have perfect vision 153: What was my first car? lol 154: Do I want children? yes. hopefully in the next 4-5 years. maybe sooner 😇 155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? camren is pretty fuckin smart. it blows me away sometimes. 156: My most embarrassing memory? it was probably something i did while drunk 157: What makes me nostalgic? old music 158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? yes. last time was the night before my flight to japan and it was because i was so excited and nervous. 159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? brains duhhh 160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? black ���� 161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? i don't think so. other than hearing weird noises at night 162: What do I hate most about myself? lack of motivation to do better 163: What do I love most about myself? i'm funny 164: Do I like adventure? yes 165: Do I believe in fate?yes 166: Favourite animal? cat 167: Have I ever been on radio? no 168: Have I ever been on TV? no 169: How old am I? 29 170: One of my favourite quotes? this too shall pass 171: Do I hold grudges? yes 172: Do I trust easily? no 173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? nope lol 174: Best gift I’ve ever received? my trip to japan 175: Do I dream? yes 176: Have I ever had a night terror? sort of. camren gets them often 177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? i used to have recurring dreams of being in a train that crashes 178: An experience that has made me stronger? my mother being an extreme alcoholic for many years. that toughened me up a lot. 179: If I were immortal, what would I do? kill bad people 180: Do I like shopping? i'm addicted to shopping 181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? rob a bank 182: What does “family” mean to me? stuff 183: What is my spirit animal? lol so stupid 184: How do I want to be remembered? just loving 185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? driving!! 186: What is my greatest failure? my debt 187: What is my greatest achievement? making a dream come true! 188: Love or money? love 189: Love or career? love 190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? viking era 191: What makes me the happiest? money 192: What is “home” to me? LA 193: What motivates me? money 194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? i love you 195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? not really 196: A movie that scared me as a child? exorcist 197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? brussel sprouts 198: Zombies or vampires? zombies! 199: Live in the city or suburbs? suburbs 200: Dragons or wizards? dragons 201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? my mom dying 202: How do I define love? shut up 203: Do I judge a book by its cover? yes. it's a flaw of mine 204: Have I ever had my heart broken? sort of. i think i've just been really hurt and it affected me. but i've done most of the heart breaking. i've only been dumped in high school. 205: Do I like my handwriting? i have terrible handwriting 206: Sweet or savoury? both 207: Worst job I’ve had? bakery 208: Do I collect anything? make up and sunglasses 209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? sunglasses and this necklace i haven't taken off in almost a year 210: What is on my bucket list? going back to japan! 211: How do I handle anger? not very well 212: Was I named after anyone? nope 213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? yes 214: What TV character am I most like? daria 215: What is the weirdest talent I have? i can't make money disappear faster than anyone i know lol 216: Favourite fictional character? i dunno

[5hfanfiction]

coming out (5/?) ⇾ camren

a/n: things aren’t gonna make sense for a quick second because im doing a time jump in light of the recent events with fifth harmony. this is after the break up. keep this in mind as you read. enjoy, ily xxx.

also, i know i said i’d stop writing camren fan fiction but just because camila has left doesn’t mean i should stop. its what i love to do. in all honesty, i am completely aware of the fact that laucy may be much realer than camren ever was and i respect that relationship and am so glad lucy is making lauren as happy as she seems lately but camren will always be apart of me and i’ll keep writing about it.

to my fellow camren shippers, i know living in your own fantasy may seem nice but please respect the fact that there is an extremely strong possibility that lauren and lucy are dating. it may not be camila but understand that lucy makes lauren happy and at the end of the day, that’s what all of us harmonizers should strive for; our girls and their happiness. who we want them to be with isn’t always who they are meant to be with.

as much as we hate to admit it, they are grown adults who are perfectly capable of making their own choices and know themselves way more than we know them so please in simple respect, stop with the conspiracy theories and just be glad and grateful that our girl has someone special in her life.

when she’s sad, angry, or simply needs a hug and reassurance, keep in mind that lucy may be that person constantly there for her and not camila. camren may have felt/feel real to us but our imagination differs from actual reality. again, keep that in mind when you choose to go to lucy’s page to comment hate towards her. if she’s making lauren smile and feel confident within herself, then she’s doing her fucking job and you are nobody to come in between that.

with that being said, enjoy this chapter and stop being heartless assholes.

Lauren|

A dry chuckle fell from her lips. Her green eyes turning stone cold, she ripped her hand out of her former bandmate’s hold. “You don’t even get it!” She shouted. Her body shook with anger and sadness as she started to walk away before being pulled back by the brunette.

“Then let me in Lauren,” sadness swam in the brown orbs as they pleaded with green ones. “You never let me in anymore. Please let me in…” she whispered.

Backing away from the girl, Lauren shook her head. “Camz…”

“Please,” she whispered.

*24 Hours Earlier*

She loved the beach. It was her safe place… where she went to when the world failed her. The sand comforted her, the waters spoke to her, and the wind, oh the wind was like her best friend. The beach was where she came to when she needed to get away. When she needed to escape the hell they called life.

Pulling her feet up on the bench and bringing her knees up to her chest, she looked out into the distance. All she wanted was to be happy. But it was almost as if happiness was afraid of her.

Her eyes clouded with tears as she thought over the last couple months. Things were so good… her life was literally perfect. She had her dream girl, she had just come out and Fifth Harmony was skyrocketing. Why’d she have to ruin it?

Her heart ached as she thought back to the final spilt that happened that morning. Their label had promised the fans exciting news only for everyone to receive the most dreadful. Dinah found it hard to stay in the group after Camila’s departure. Especially after winning their People’s Choice Award and Camila not being able to come up with them. As Dinah announced her leave, Normani couldn’t find it within her to stay when her heart and soul had just left. The second oldest decided to leave alongside Dinah, pretty much destroying any means of continuing their previously undying but now dying success.

Lately she’s been going over the last four years, wondering if it was even worth it to begin with. Was it worth missing out on being a normal teenager? Was it worth passing up college? Was it worth leaving her brother and sister behind? She always knew Fifth Harmony would break up at some point but she definitely did not think they’d end everything before Little Mix. Her heart felt heavy in her chest as she thought about the British group now being the biggest girl group in the world. That use to be them.

Her mind drifted toward her long time girlfriend whom she hasn’t been able to face since the final break up of Fifth Harmony. Lucy has always been there for Lauren but for some reason she couldn’t even face her. How could she? The Colombian had such high hopes for her. Wanted her and the other girls to be so successful and its almost as if she’d let everyone down.

Her and Ally, being the only two left that had wanted to continue Fifth Harmony were forced to terminate their contract as a group, leaving only their solo contracts. Lauren couldn’t even find any form of motivation within her to continue pursuing music. She always had a reason when her girls were by her side but now… everything was numb. She didn’t want to sing or perform ever again.

She didn’t even realize when the tears had started to flow. They just came, and she couldn’t stop them even if she tried. She didn’t care for the stares of concern she got or the group of teenage girls huddled around not far from her snapping photos. She didn’t care for anything. Her heart hurt. She felt like she couldn’t breathe.

She gave up everything. Her family, her education, her normalcy. And for what exactly? To continue a group that wouldn’t even make it to its fifth year? She was suppose to be living the dream right now. Traveling with her best friends doing what they loved; performing. She was suppose to be trying new fancy foods at European restaurants and meeting the fans who always seemed to make the fire in her heart light up in flames. She was suppose to be happy. But nope. Here she was, crying in a random Miami beach wishing to go back to the good old days.

Stressed out by Twenty One Pilots came to mind. “Wish we could turn back time… to the good old days,” she whispered to herself.

Standing up, she decided to leave before she ended up on the cover of some rehab magazine with a crazy headline from the paparazzi. The walk to her car felt like centuries. Her feet felt like stone as they moved slowly across the concrete sidewalk. She just wanted to get home and apologize to her girlfriend while cuddling up to her and wishing things would go back to normal.

***

“Babe, you gotta get up,” someone had waken her up from her sleep. Someone as in Lucy.

Opening one eye, she saw her girlfriends soft eyes staring back at her. She grumbled to herself as she turned on her side and brought the blanket up further over her head. Waking up was the last thing on her mind. She wanted to sleep into a coma where no one would ever hurt her again. Fuck the world. It didn’t treat her kindly anyway. “Go away,” she mumbled into the pillow.

She heard Lucy sigh as she got out of bed. “Okay,” she whispered softly. “Just… come to the kitchen whenever you’re up for it.”

Opening her eyes, her shoulder shrunk back at the sound of her girlfriends voice. “Babe… wait,” she called out. Coming out from her cocoon of blankets, she held out her arms with a sad pout. Turning around, Lucy rose an eyebrow. Lauren huffed as she sat all the way up. “I’m sorry,” she muttered out after a few moments.

Lucy shrugged, “It’s okay. You can go back to bed,” she replied, getting ready to leave again.

“Thats the thing Luce, its not,” her heart thumped in her chest loudly as she ran a tired hand through her hair. Not understanding, Lucy slowly made her way back over to the green eyed and sat at the foot of the bed. Lauren gulped lightly, “It’s not okay.”

“What’s not okay?”

Throwing her hands up in exasperation, she sighed loudly. “Everything,” she cursed herself when she felt her voice crack. “Everything is just so fucked up Lucy. Can you believe all that’s happened in the last few months? I was suppose to be the glue that held everyone together and… I failed a simple fucking job,” she beat herself up. It was an awful habit but she couldn’t help it. “Maybe if I was kinder to Camila she wouldn’t have left,” she thought. “Maybe if I wasn’t such an asshole to her all those months, she wouldn’t have left. If i was just kinder she’d still be here, so will Dinah, Normani and Ally. We’d still be a group… we’d still be sister.”

Lucy sighed softly as she reached over to pull her girlfriend in for a much needed hug. “Listen to be Laur,” she spoke softly near her ear. “No matter what you would’ve done, Camila still would have left. This is not your fault. She was working on solo music since Late January of 2016. That’s way back last year. Her goal was to fuck you guys over. She didn’t even show up to any of the meetings Simon arranged before the final spilt,” Lucy paused as she attempted to gather her thoughts. “Dinah, well you know wherever Camila goes, she’ll follow like a lost puppy. Normani would follow Dinah to the fucking moon. Fifth Harmony died when Camila started keeping secrets and that is not your fault nor will it ever be baby girl. I promise.”

Lauren stayed silent for awhile. She wanted to defend Camila, give her the benefit of the doubt. Hope that Lucy may just have a bad impression with her but deep down she knew it was pretty much true. Her chest felt tight as she thought about it. She tried to hold it in… really, she did. But it just came ripping through her. Her body shook slightly as the first sob escaped her lips. She hated crying, especially over something like this. It was over. Done. So why did it still hurt so much?

Why did she even care? Camila left knowing Lauren hated her. Why was it such a big deal now? Why was she blaming herself for Camila’s own selfishness? She needed to get her shit together; fast.

***

Fresh air. That’s what she needed. Her body felt calm and relaxed as she walked through the streets of Miami. For the first time in awhile, the tight aching in her chest had subsided and a small ounce of contentment took over. A faint smile graced her lips as she finally felt herself for a little while.

Counting each palm tree she passed by in her head, a smile formed on her face. Its been awhile since she smiled. Who knew something as small as walking could make her day.

Looking up, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She probably looked crazy with a dopey grin on her lips while staring up at the sky with her eyes closed but she was happy. Nothing was going to ruin this once in a life time moment for her.

Okay, maybe one thing was. Maybe walking with her head titled up and eyes closed wasn’t the best idea. Her bliss instantly vanished and embarrassment took over as she bumped into someone.

Quickly bringing her head back down and opening her eyes, she got ready to apologize but the words got stuck in her throat as she looked at the person before her. Well, people, before her. One of them caught her eye and the other she’s obviously seen through the media that went even crazier than when she had come out.

Before her stood her former bandmate and her supposed girlfriend Lola McKatie who looked an awful lot like her. Previous contentment and happiness got replaced by anger and sadness. She struggled to speak as her eyes stayed glued on the girl who had dyed her hair an ashy brown color. Her brown eyes popped with the new color and her tan skin looked amazing but Lauren was never going to say that out loud. Or anything for that matter.

Shaking her head, she started to walk around the couple when she felt someone grab her arm and call out her name. Someone as in Camila fucking Cabello.

“Lauren, wait,” her voice sounded almost pleading like.

A sarcastic chuckle fell from her lips as she ripped her arm away, “Don’t fucking touch me again,” she growled out with her back still turned to them.

“Laur-”

“Don’t talk to her like that!”

Turning around, Lauren faced Camila’s new girlfriend. She looked her up and down before chuckling to herself. “Yeah, okay. When you stop looking like a human animation of a Bratz Doll.”

The obvious offense in the girls features amused Lauren. Sighing to herself, she spared Camila and her new girl toy one last glance before walking away. A small wave of relief crashed over her when Camila didn’t try to stop her again.

Taking a deep breath to compose herself, she willed the anger to dissolve. Camila wasn’t worth it; pun intended.

Her heart raced in her chest, her stomach feeling queasy as she thought back to just a few moments ago. It feels like its been so long since she’s last seen her but it was merely a few months. She remembered how her chest contracted when she made eye contact with the former band member. How she almost froze. She never understood why and or how Camila was able to make so many emotions cloud her at once by simply doing nothing. It overwhelmed her.

She just needed to get home and forget that encounter. But of course the universe hated her and stopped at nothing to make her life hell.

“Lauren!” Her body froze at the voice.

Stopping in her tracks, she forced her breathing to even out. Why must you hate me God, she thought to herself.

She had half a mind to continue walking but she knew Camila Cabello did not and will not stop. She felt the anxiety creeping up as she turned around to face the girl who seemed to be alone now.

Brown eyes appeared to be on guard as she slowly approached. Lauren watched as Camila visibly gulped harshly before stopping in front of Lauren.

A small awkward silence passed by as the two former bandmates just stared at each other. Sighing, Lauren spoke, “What do you want Camila?”

“Long time no see I guess,” the small Latina mumbled with a small awkward giggle. When Lauren kept her stone like expression, the giggle died off into awkward silence. “I just uh was around and saw you. How are you?”

“Fine,” Lauren answered shortly. Sighing again, she rubbed her forehead in exhaustion. “Again, what do you want Camila?”

“I just wanted to say hi,” she said quietly.

“Well you’ve said it. Bye,” she turned to walk away again when Camila grabbed her arm for the second time that day. Her body went up in flames as the shaky hand took hold of her arm.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out suddenly. Brown orbs swam with anxiety as they darted back and forth. “For-for leaving like that. Please don’t hate me anymore.”

A dry chuckle fell from her lips. Her green eyes turning stone cold, she ripped her hand out of her former bandmate’s hold. “You don’t even get it!” She shouted. Her body shook with anger and sadness as she started to walk away before being pulled back by the brunette.

“Then let me in Lauren,” sadness swam in the brown orbs as they pleaded with green ones. “You never let me in anymore. Please let me in…” she whispered.

Backing away from the girl, Lauren shook her head. “Camz…”

“Please,” she whispered.

Looking down, Lauren shook her head. “I stopped letting you in when you started shutting me out,” she said softly.

Prying Camila’s hand off her, she walked away.

***

a/n: fuck, this was so hard for me to write. i hope you guys liked it. sorry for the long break, i just needed to understand where i stood since the news and everything. i hope y'all are still with me. what did you think of this chapter? let me know in the comments and don’t forget to vote.

for my tumblr readers, my wattpad is wthbello and you can comment and vote on this story there too if you’d like. also a bomb ass cover ;) follow me there and check out this story there.

thanks so much for reading all of you.

SORRY I DIDNT EDIT!

ellianna, (elli) xxxxxxxxxxx