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baneismydragon · 7 years ago

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The not so secret diary of Gabriel Agreste

Because I needed some crack in my life. This is a gift for @geek-fashionista who requested my joke idea become a fic.

And because writing ridiculous Gabe content cheers me up and I needed a good pick me up. (Hopefully this will get me back in the mood to finish the next chapter of Cut from the Same cloth. If nothing else it felt good to really sit down and write again.)

Anyways- enjoy.

The not so secret diary of Gabriel Agreste

(Edited and catalogued by Nathalie Sancoeur)

March 18th

So apparently driving 4 employees to a nervous breakdown in the span of 2 weeks is a problem to my board of directors. They claim it’s ‘not good for the company’. Also, apparently, backhanding one of them during the meeting for suggesting I ‘take a leave of absence to deal with the loss of your wife’ counts as assault.

To avoid charges, and more importantly a forced sabbatical, I have agreed to see a therapist. Hence this ridiculous writing exercise. Oh well. At least it is only one wasted hour a week as opposed to several months of sitting in my house, watching them drive my company into the ground with their ineptitude.

March 25th-

My therapist says that I have a problem.

Of course I have a problem! My wife is missing. Honestly, I have to pay this man?

He says that I need to be ‘focused on healing and rebuilding a new sense of normalcy instead of lashing out at the people around me.’

Well perhaps if the people around me weren’t so incompetent I wouldn’t need to lash out so much.

Nathalie- does it count as attending my therapy sessions if I send a proxy in my place? Please investigate.

March 30th-

My therapist has informed me that I am developing an obsession, and that he is concerned that the loss of my wife and my need to get her back is driving me to an unhealthy dissociative state.

Well maybe that’s why it is so important that I get her back. Did you ever think of that? Then I won’t need to waste my time adjusting to my new circumstances, because everything can just go back to the way it was. It’s really not that complicated. For someone whose job it is to ‘help me cope with my grief’ he is quite the pessimist. He keeps insisting we discuss the possibility of if she never comes back. Thank God these sessions are only an hour long, I don’t need to get charged with assault again.

April 1st-

I told my therapist that his advice was working and that I have completely seen the error of my ways.

And Nathalie says I have a terrible sense of humor.

The crushed look on his face when I pointed out the date was priceless.

Nathalie- make sure we are having fish for dinner, Adrien will appreciate the humor even if you don’t.

April 9th-

I had the portrait artist come in today so that we could replace the family portrait at the top of the staircase. I pre-selected our mourning ensembles and Adrien was miserable the whole time. The artist asked me if he should take some artistic licence with our expressions. I asked him if he valued his commission. The finished work was a perfect testament to the state of misery in this house. Hopefully this will serve as an adequate reminder to anyone who thinks it’s acceptable to attempt to inform me that ‘things are never as bad as they seem.’

My therapist says this is yet another sign of my increased megalomania. I think that it isn’t my fault that more people don’t have the resources to afford appropriate decor for their homes based on the emotional environment. Given what I am having to pay out for these worthless sessions I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a half dozen portraits of his own scattered around some poorly decorated eyesore he calls a home.

Nathalie- please arrange for some new backlighting for the updated portrait. Either some cool blue tones or perhaps some purple.

April 14th-

Today my therapy session consisted of discussing my childhood. On the bright side I sketched out two new designs while I tuned out his prattle.

Nathalie- you owe me 20 Euro. I told you it would take less than a month for him to try the Freudian approach.

April 21st-

Yesterday was the runway launch of the new Spring line. Not some of my best work to be honest but still a far sight better than anything else released this season. Maybe the Italians will give me some competition this year at least.

One of the reporters asked if the line was being dedicated to my ‘late wife’. I ask him if he was going to dedicate this interview to his soon to be late career?

Of course Adrien heard the whole thing and has been in a mood ever since, although he didn’t let it affect his performance. Even as a child, he is more professional than a fair percentage of my staff. I am prodigiously proud of him. Now if only he would stop being so emotional. It isn’t good for him. He spent the entire morning and afternoon holed up in his room listening to angst ridden J-pop and ordering mint fudge ice cream from the kitchen staff.

My therapist says that I need to be making an effort to empathize with his grief instead of fixating on my own, and compensate more in my new role as a single parent.

Clearly the stress of this show has addled my brain because I stupidly attempted to follow his advice.

After a pre-scheduled family dinner I patted Adrien on the shoulder and told him that I promises that things will get better.

He stared at me for a few seconds like I had grown a second head, before hugging onto me like a barnacle and bursting into tears.

Wonderful.

I managed to send my own child into hysterics.

This is the sort of disaster that comes from listening to the advice of idiots.

April 22nd-

Adrien seems to have recovered from last night’s meltdown rather admirably. Thank God children bounce back from these sorts of setbacks. I am glad to see that my poor judgement in following my therapist's advice doesn’t seem to have caused any permanent damage. Now I can go back to the important business of figuring out how to bring his mother back instead of wasting everyone’s time with pointless platitudes. Really that is the much smarter approach.

It’s like I tell my employees- if you just fix the mistake you won’t have to spend your energy explaining why it was there in the first place. No one will care how many failures you went through to get there- all that matters is the end result.

Speaking of failures, what was I thinking when I chose the dining room furniture? It’s hideous.

Nathalie- remind me to set aside time to purchase a new dining set.

April 30th-

She has been gone for exactly 100 days.

May 9th-

Today is my 20th Wedding anniversary.

It was storming today. My therapist asked me how that made me feel.

I told him- wet.

I don’t think he appreciated my answer.

May 12th-

I have fired my therapist.

No the answer to my problems is not to ‘move on and accept my loss and just be grateful for each new day.’ What sort of idiotic attitude is that? If I approached my life according to the advice of this degenerate I would be designing pink sequins party dresses for some mass produced tween fashion label. Even worse, the toad-faced troll had the audacity to suggest that I should consider arranging for Adrien to have his own therapy sessions. As if my child needs any sort of support from a second rate psychoanalyst with delusions of grandeur.

Good riddance. Besides, 2 months of this charade should be more than enough to satisfy the board.

Nathalie- make arrangement for a private investigator to look into his business. Perhaps we can do the world a favor and get his licence revoked.

May 14th-

I have decided to keep this diary. I find writing about the stupidity of others quite therapeutic.

Nathalie please find a more appropriately color coordinated journal in which to properly transcribe my entries.

May 17th-

I have hired a bodyguard for Adrien. He keeps trying to sneak out, and I can’t keep losing Nathalie for hours at a time while she chases him down. I don’t understand why he is so desperate to go out and meet other people. Hasn’t he figured out by now that very few people are actually worth meeting? Clearly the stress of losing his mother is clouding his judgement. I’ll arrange for Nathalie to get a few more of those arcade machines he enjoys so much to be shipped in. Hopefully that will help keep him distracted.

Meanwhile, perhaps I should up his modeling engagements. After all, throwing oneself into one's work does provide some temporary solace. It’s certainly the best plan I have come up with so far.

May 22nd-

Adrien’s new Bodyguard has caught him attempting to sneak out twice. Both times he sent me a text informing me that the incident had been taken care of and requesting an appropriate stipend for the installation of new security cameras.

This is clearly the best hiring decision I have made in years.

Adrien may be the closest thing to perfection in this world but alas, children will be children, so I am glad I have some competent staff to manage him until he grows out of it. I believe this teenaged need to rebel in light of our recent family tragedy is what the media refers to as ‘Emo’. I will make some calls to the main office to have more of our black pieces added to his wardrobe. And my ex therapist said I ‘wasn’t paying attention to my sons needs.’ Ha.

June 3rd-

Still no progress in my plan. This morning I woke up from a dream and I couldn’t remember if that is what my wifes laugh actually sounded like.

I can’t live like this. I won’t live like this.

June 5th-

Nathalie I will take dinner in my office. Also I am not to be disturbed for the rest of the weekend.

June 10th-

Feeling infinitely better today.

It has been uncovered that my recently disgraced ex-therapist was having an affair, and with a former patient no less! Clearly he was taking out his own frustrations with his own failed marriage out on me.

Unlike that hypocritical cow, I will preserve my family no matter what impediments I may face. I knew I was right all along. Still, it’s nice to have outside validation.

Nathalie- be sure to send a sizable bonus to the private investigator, as well as a nice fruit basket.

June 17th-

Adrien had a piano recital today. It was exceptional of course. I do wish he had chosen something other than Chopin. Really, is this emo phase going to carry over into everything he does?

I will have to send a message to his bodyguard to start monitoring his packages for hair dye.

Apparently he didn’t approve of me leaving as soon as his piece was over. I don’t see why. It’s not like I have any interest in the other performers and I already paid my admission so it’s no loss to the institution. Children can be so demanding.

Nathalie- make a note, the next time I am required to attend one of these functions make sure I have a tablet with me.

June 23rd-

Why have I still not replaced that dining room table?

July 2nd-

On the plane to London because apparently the instructions “just recreate the exact same show we did a month ago” are too complicated for my employees.

I am doubly glad that I hired a bodyguard for Adrien since he is ill and will not be joining us on this trip.

Hopefully I shouldn’t be gone more than a day or so.

July 6th-

Still in London. Apparently I underestimated just how moronic people can be. I miss my wife. She always knew how to get people to do what I needed them to do with causing them to burst into tears.

She also would have appreciated my puns.

Once I get her home I swear I am going to reward myself with an entire month of not having to speak to anyone whose surname isn’t Agreste.

Except for Nathalie, of course.

July 10th-

Finally home. Adrien has made a full recovery.

He spent all of dinner expounding on the merits of something called ‘MOBA’s. I’ve found it best to just nod and pretend like I understand what he is talking about when he goes on these tangents.

Nathalie- please get me the definition for the term Noob.

July 15th-

I am truly at my wits end. Between my lack of progress on my search for my wife and my constant set backs at the company I am for all intents and purposes trying to go up a creek without a paddle.

Nathalie is less than thrilled with me at the moment as I have taken to locking myself in the office with my cellphone and computer turned off. She doesn’t seem to appreciate having to slide notes under the door.

July 22nd-

Nathalie Sancoeur is the only person to whom I am not related by blood or marriage whom I would make an effort to save during a zombie apocalypse. (Adrien’s current favorite pastime is discussing how he would react to various ridiculous survival scenarios with his bodyguard, or more accurately at his bodyguard.)

She suggested that given my frustrations with some of my staff perhaps some personnel changes were in order.

There is nothing quite so satisfying as telling a worthless employee that they should pack up their desk and go.

I am quite confident that none of the individuals fired today would survive a zombie apocalypse.

Nathalie- please give yourself a 2% raise. It might come in handy for purchasing supplies when we are under siege by an army of the undead.

July 28th-

Adrien had his friend Mllm Bourgeois over again today. He has asked if he can be allowed to attend public school with her this term.

I told him that if Miss Bourgeois is an example of the merits of a public school education I would sooner be tarred and feathered than let him within 50 feet of said institution.

He seems to believe that going to school would allow him the opportunity to make new friends- so I suppose I can at least see the appeal. Though, after observing his interactions today I am amazed he doesn’t simply swear off friendship altogether.

Nathalie- look into putting together some sort of dossier of suitable young people with whom Adrien could potentially associate. Perhaps we can arrange to have some on call for social engagements in the future.

July 29th-

Adrien is not speaking to me today. He has locked himself in his room. Why is everyone in this family so sensitive?

Apparently ‘you can’t just buy friends.’

Clearly he has never been involved in politics.

August 2nd-

Adrien is still angry at me. Fine, if he wants to get into a petty game of who can ignore the other longer I will play his game. He’ll learn that no one beats me when it comes to the silent treatment, just like his mother did. The most she ever made it was 3 days. We will see if Adrien fairs any better.

August 3rd-

Upon further reflection, at the end of those three days I ended up with a broken nose when my wife punched me in the face. Perhaps I should rethink my strategy.

Nathalie- schedule a family meeting to discuss Adrien’s grievances. Tell him it will save time if he prepares a list of his complaints and proposed solutions for me to consult before the start of the negotiations.

August 6th-

Adrien is visiting with his friend Mllm Bourgeois so I am taking the opportunity to go through and organize my wife’s belongings. (The staff has been forbidden from disturbing anything but it is starting to get a bit dusty.) It is best to do this while Adrien is gone as I don’t know if I can tolerate another weekend of melancholy foreign ballads blasting from his room. Or worse that new Jagged Stone album I was foolish enough to order for him as a reward for winning his last fencing competition. I swear that man sounds like a beached whale screaming its way through a slow and agonizing death. I don’t know what Adrien sees to admire in it.

At least his attempted breakouts seem to have come to a temporary halt. Either the efforts of his bodyguard have finally tempered his resolve or he is secretly plotting some sort of elaborate scheme and is trying to lure us into a false sense of security.

I guess we will see how much he takes after me.

Nathalie- make sure all of Adrien’s electronic devices are equipped with GPS tracking.

August 8th-

Still slowly working my way through the cleaning process. The latest edition of some video fighting game arrived for Adrien so he has been conveniently occupied by that. It’s getting harder to face him knowing that I am still no closer to having an answer as to how to get his mother back, not that he asks. He has always been far too kind for his own good.

Still, it is a parent’s job to do what is ultimately best for their children and for the first time in my life I find myself spectacularly failing.

No matter how many hours I spend locked in my office I am still no closer to a concrete plan.

At least Adrien has stopped trying to accompany when I am in there. It’s too hard enough coping with my own failure without my son having to bare witness.

I will figure out a way. I did not get where I am today without being willing to fight for what I want. And once I am successful all of this will just seem like a bad dream. Both for me and for my son.

August 9th-

I never realized just how much of a hoarder my wife was until I took on this project. How many souvenirs does one woman need?

There is an entire suitcase from our last trip to Tibet that she didn’t even bother to unpack.

I’ll take care of it tomorrow.

Nathalie- reschedule my lunch with the mayor. Until after the election if at all possible. 4 months isn’t an unreasonable delay for a man with my obligations.

August 10th-

It seems that there is some truth to the concept that one should actually OPEN the boxes one acquires. I now have in my possession a strange magical creature named Nooroo who seems optimistic in his belief that he can help me in my quest to restore my family. It seems I will have the chance to turn into some sort of super powered empath with the ability to grant powers to others to help combat the forces of evil in this world. Seems like a rather dubious power. Most people are insufferably dim and couldn’t be trusted with a butter knife much less magical enhancements. Still, it is the first positive news in months. I tried opening the other box with the peacock pin but after 10 seconds of the creature crying upon being awakened I have decided to simply return it to dormant and lock it in the safe. Perhaps it will be useful later but for now one miraculous should be more than sufficient.

Nathalie- In light of my new associate we will need a few changes to the house. Additional security, new curtains, as well as some additions to the kitchen inventory. I will upload a list to your PDA.

August 12th-

And Everyone told me I would never have a use for a secret lair. Well I showed them. I have asked Nathalie to arrange for a large shipment of butterflies to be installed for ambiance. I have also brought in a private contractor to hide the control panel. The last thing I want in for Adrien to stumble upon any of this and get the idea to become some sort of hero vigilante. Honestly I don’t know where that boy gets his ridiculous flair for the dramatic. It must be from his mother. Meanwhile I have decided to keep Nooroo dormant for a little while. He keeps wanting me to talk to him about my feelings. If I wanted to do that I wouldn’t have fired my therapist.

August 20th-

Lair is finally ready to go. I realize though that perhaps I should read the instruction manual that came with the miraculous before I attempt to utilize unpredictable magical powers.

Nathalie- please arrange for a large pot of coffee and my favorite armchair to be placed in the lair this afternoon.

August 30th-

Apparently translating ancient codes with no resources or starting point whatsoever is, in fact rather difficult. I supposed I should ask Nooroo for assistance.

#my writing #my fanfiction #crack #ml spoilers #ml season 2 #Gabriel Agreste #And I thought my last one was bad...#why do I write these things?

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faelapis · 8 years ago

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so i’ve had these jasper asks in my inbox for a while... and it’s about time i addressed them. i’ll be focusing especially on that last one and the idea of “deserving” redemption, + some of my own general thoughts to talk about the su narrative, jasper, her relationship with peridot, trauma, steven, and where we go from here.

it’s time for another jasper post under the cut.

steven universe is pretty loyal to the rousseau was right-trope, which basically means that while yes, people are accountable for their actions, everyone are born as a moral blank slate and drawn towards doing what they perceive to be right - if someone is “evil”, it’s because of outside influences, not because they were ‘born’ weak or selfish or cruel. it also implies that anyone has the chance of redemption and renewal.

one of my more radical stances in fandom is that i don’t think jasper is a bad person. partly because she’s dedicated to a cause she believes is just, and partly because i don’t think any gem is supposed to be “bad”. i think she’s rather selfless - a “neutral good” within her own mind - and to her, the people and places she’s loved are more important than she is. she holds herself to just as high standards as anyone else, if not higher. her views on defects and corrupted gems are incredibly similar to peridot and yellow diamond, and this seems to be the general rule within the yellow sector - your “use” is very much the focus.

for this reason, it’s deeply unfair to compare her to, say, blue’s quartzes: gems who have spent the last 5000 years with a loving support network of fellow quartzes with and without defects, playing daycare for the zoo humans, not living to fight, under a diamond who wants them to grieve, love, and feel their emotions to the fullest.

i think it’s also noteworthy that despite living a completely different life, i don’t actually think jasper’s so hardcore against defects as people give her beef for. not really - at least no more so than peridot, who trash-talks pearl and corrupted gems alike.

jasper’s treatment of peridot herself is the main example of this, and works as an important contrast between how jasper treats gems with defects VS. how say, someone like holly blue treats them (because yes, actions still matter, even if the why makes sense):

jasper never lays a finger on peridot, insults her, or otherwise mistreats her. in “the return”, she sounds outright bored, because she believes peridot can handle herself when it’s just a handful of gems. she doesn’t define peridot by her defects. peridot, in turn, feels comfortable around jasper - enough to argue with her, roll her eyes or whine (”we can’t leave yet!” “ugh, fine”), and talk shit in a casual way. she doesn’t think jasper will punish her, hurt her or do anything more than argue back.

holly blue seems to terrorize gems on homeworld’s side, physically and verbally. it’s part of her job, but it’s also out of her own perfectionism and impatience, to keep them in line and remind them to defer to superiors. this is before they do anything wrong, and she’s very much wrong to do so. by contrast, peridot can mess up, or even depend on jasper’s help, and the worst jasper will do is tell her how to attack with the ship, or that they gotta get back to homeworld - she’s stressed, but she doesn’t say either in a demeaning, harsh or cruel way.

jasper is cruel to amethyst, yes, but there is a very important key difference here: amethyst is a crystal gem. jasper doesn’t fight her for shits and giggles, to keep her in line or “just” because of a superiority complex - she sees her as The Enemy(tm). this is such an important difference, because jasper doesn’t treat gems on her own side this way, even when their defects are blatantly obvious.

peridot, without her enhancers, is basically “useless” - she’s a crystal gem, and she can’t do her job properly without her screen and fingers... but jasper is outraged at what the crystal gems did to her - taking her enhancers, her status, her dignity. she still wants to reason with her, and doesn’t take any shots (physical or verbal) at peridot the entire time - she may have been told someone like peridot no longer has a use, and she does repeat some of yellow diamond’s rhetoric... but a part of her resists that mindset, because jasper’s a very emotionally-driven person. like pink diamond, peridot is in a box labelled “people i care about”, and so anything bad that happens to them is unfair. it’s not what they deserve... and peridot wants to help her. she tries, genuinely, to explain what’s so great about earth.

this is what i mean when i say jasper holds herself to higher standards of usefulness than anyone else. above all, jasper’s fatalistic mindset is a combination of the “yellow sector” ideology and how she copes with trauma. her base response is that if she didn’t do enough to prevent it, she deserved it. she pities herself, but she sees herself as worthless if she can’t do her job - protecting/avenging herself and others.

she also serves to hold characters accountable, in a way that is reminiscent of lapis in “mirror gem/ocean gem”. jasper’s treatment of the crystal gems seems excessively rude and violent at first, but the show dances a very long dance around her motivations. a lot of the point of jasper’s big episodes is to play with your assumptions - even a relatively straightforward episode like “crack the whip” is really about setting up “beta/earthlings”. not just to show what an empathetic and growing character amethyst has become, but to show why jasper was so desperate for revenge. we got to see her actions before her motivations, so when you find out that oh boy did she have reason, it’s a gut punch. it puts everything that just happened in perspective.

there’s a reason the show lets steven think jasper is “mean” or “terrible” for a while - and it’s not because she is. it’s because steven, at that point, is holding on to this idea that if jasper’s angry with people he cares about, she’s wrong. everyone he loves are Good. when jasper says something about wanting to beat up rose, or how pissed she is at lapis, that’s just Bad. he “got away” with this mindset with peridot, because peridot was young and didn’t really have any serious beef with the crystal gems. she was “easy mode” - not necessarily a better person, but younger and less cynical about her enemies.

“why do i never ask follow-up questions?!” is a great line steven says to himself, because that’s exactly how he treated jasper - he eventually tries to help her, but it’s out of wanting to “fix things” more than understanding her. that’s why it needed to fail. steven needed to hear her speech, and to learn the whole story without assuming the other side is evil... and of course, that’s part of what jasper was punished for, too, because that’s how she’s lived her whole life.

jasper was right about one thing, though - steven only helped after she was declawed. he didn’t care about any of the things she said beforehand. he took every situation at face value, and never considered that maybe she had reason... because that would mean taking a hard look at the crystal gems, his friends, and his worldview. jasper, with her parting words, sort of saved steven from becoming like her - completely entrenched in his own views, never questioning his “side” or the people he cares about. (she wasn’t alone in that, and the whole "bismuth -> bubbled” run was mainly about steven facing hard truths about the people he thinks of as ‘good’, but i digress.)

all of that so he could be punished for not knowing, for assuming, by the show delivering him a failure after harsh truth after failure when trying to help people. jasper being among them, she had to corrupt - a horrible situation born out of assumptions on both sides (that steven is rose and must be held accountable for her actions, that jasper is “bad” and that rose/lapis/ect were right to hurt her). the best way for the show to hurt steven is by hurting others, making him feel both like it’s his responsibility and like he’s helpless... so steven and jasper are a bit alike, in that one, particular self-blaming way.

ok, i’ve gone on and on, but all of that just leads to the current question: where do we go from here?

after reaching a truly low point, steven had to slowly recover and build himself up again. starting with small human relations - “onion friend” and “future boy zoltron” were both about this, (which is why i’ll fight anyone who says they were just filler). so was “gem harvest”, letting him connect with family he didn’t know he had... and now, after slowly recovering from some pretty harsh trauma, he’s started to explore. he’s asking questions, finally, about the gems on his side. about rose, pink diamond, and about why the crystal gems won’t just tell him everything. this took him to space, to characters he can still help, if he tries to understand them - which is probably gonna be a part of the road ahead.

but then what about jasper?

...we can’t know for sure, but i think she’ll be back. i really want her to. corruption is still one of the bigger mysteries of the show, as is the whole situation around pink diamond. jasper is the character who is most obviously involved in both of these, so it’s hard to imagine she won’t pop up in either context. by my own view of redemption - which is redemption in the narrative, through learning that she’s a person and not just a “bad” gem - she’s already achieved that. my main focus is really healing, and i think that’s possible. steven wants to help, and he actually understands her now.

in the same interview we got this gem about jasper, rebecca sugar also talked about wanting to focus on self-love outside of relationships going forward. as someone who’s been alone, isolated and felt completely unlovable, jasper is a great candidate. that doesn’t mean she’ll never get to connect with anyone or have meaningful relationships... but as with steven, she has to recover first, and focus on herself, too.

#steven universe #su theory #jasper #gifs /#peridot #steven #long post /

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deniscollins · 5 years ago

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The World’s Oceans Are in Danger, Major Climate Change Report Warns

Oceans are warming because they absorb more than 90 percent of the excess heat trapped on Earth by carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases, which can wreak havoc in coastal communities. In the North Pacific Ocean, where what became known as a “blob” of unusually hot water in 2013 and 2014, partly fueled by global warming, killed thousands of seabirds and helped spawn toxic algae blooms that forced fisheries to close down from California to British Columbia. If you were on a fishing industry advisory board, what actions, if any, would you take in response to these trends?

Climate change is heating the oceans and altering their chemistry so dramatically that it is threatening seafood supplies, fueling cyclones and floods and posing profound risks to the hundreds of millions of people living along the coasts, according to a sweeping United Nations report issued Wednesday.

The report concludes that the world’s oceans and ice sheets are under such severe stress that the fallout could prove difficult for humans to contain without steep reductions in greenhouse gas emissions. Fish populations are already declining in many regions as warming waters throw marine ecosystems into disarray, according to the report by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, a group of scientists convened by the United Nations to guide world leaders in policymaking.

“The oceans are sending us so many warning signals that we need to get emissions under control,” said Hans-Otto Pörtner, a marine biologist at the Alfred Wegener Institute in Germany and a lead author of the report. “Ecosystems are changing, food webs are changing, fish stocks are changing, and this turmoil is affecting humans.”

Hotter ocean temperatures, combined with rising sea levels, further imperil coastal regions, the report says, worsening a phenomenon that is already contributing to storms like Hurricane Harvey, which devastated Houston two years ago.

For decades, the oceans have served as a crucial buffer against global warming, soaking up roughly a quarter of the carbon dioxide that humans emit from power plants, factories and cars, and absorbing more than 90 percent of the excess heat trapped on Earth by carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases. Without that protection, the land would be heating much more rapidly.

But the oceans themselves are becoming hotter, more acidic and less oxygen-rich as a result, according to the report. If humans keep pumping greenhouse gases into the atmosphere at an increasing rate,marine ecosystems already facing threats from seaborne plastic waste, unsustainable fishing practices and other man-made stresses will be further strained.

“We are an ocean world, run and regulated by a single ocean, and we are pushing that life support system to its very limits through heating, deoxygenation and acidification,” said Dan Laffoley of the International Union for Conservation of Nature, a leading environmental group that tracks the status of plant and animal species, in response to the report.

The report, which was written by more than 100 international experts and is based on more than 7,000 studies, represents the most extensive look to date at the effects of climate change on oceans, ice sheets, mountain snowpack and permafrost.

Changes deep in the ocean or high in the mountains are not always as noticeable as some of the other hallmarks of global warming, such as heat waves on land, or wildfires and droughts. But the report makes clear that what happens in these remote regions will have ripple effects across the globe.

For instance, as ice sheets in Greenland and Antarctica melt and push up ocean levels, the report said, extreme flooding that was once historically rare could start occurring once a year or more, on average, in many coastal regions this century. How quickly this happens depends largely on the ability of humanity to reduce emissions of greenhouse gases that are heating the planet.

Around the world, glaciers in the mountains are receding quickly, affecting the availability of water for millions of people who depend on meltwater downstream to supply drinking water, irrigate agricultural land and produce electricity through dams and hydropower.

But some of the report’s starkest warnings concern the ocean, where major shifts are already underway.

The frequency of marine heat waves — which can kill fish, seabirds, coral reefs and seagrasses — has doubled since the 1980s. Many fish populations are migrating far from their usual locations to find cooler waters, and local fishing industries are often struggling to keep up. Floating sea ice in the Arctic Ocean is declining at rates that are “likely unprecedented for at least 1,000 years,” the report said.

The report notes that some pathogens are proliferating in warmer waters, including vibrio, a bacteria that can infect oysters and other shellfish, and that already sickens some 80,000 Americans who eat raw or undercooked seafood each year. “That’s a good example of how changes in the ocean can affect even people who live far from the coasts,” said Sherilee Harper, a public health expert at the University of Alberta and an author on the report.

The report warns that more dramatic changes could be in store. If fossil-fuel emissions continue to rise rapidly, for instance, the maximum amount of fish in the ocean that can be sustainably caught could decrease by as much as a quarter by century’s end. That would have sweeping implications for global food security: Fish and seafood provide about 17 percent of the world’s animal protein, and millions of people worldwide depend on fishing economies for their livelihoods.

And heat waves in the ocean are expected to become 20 to 50 times more frequent this century, depending on how much greenhouse-gas emissions increase. Vibrant underwater ecosystems such as coral reefs, kelp forests and seagrass meadows are all expected to suffer serious damage if global temperatures rise even modestly above today’s levels.

The potential for these heat waves to wreak havoc in coastal communities is already becoming noticeable in areas like the North Pacific Ocean, where what became known as a “blob” of unusually hot water in 2013 and 2014, partly fueled by global warming, killed thousands of seabirds and helped spawn toxic algae blooms that forced fisheries to close down from California to British Columbia.

Last year, officials in the Gulf of Alaska had to reduce permitted cod catches by 80 percent to allow stocks to rebuild in the wake of the heat wave, roiling the local fishing industry.

“When that happens, it’s like a punch in the gut,” said Brett Veerhusen, 33, a fisheries consultant and commercial fisherman based in Seattle and Homer, Alaska. “And it’s not just fishermen who are affected, it’s an entire supply chain, from processing plants to shipping to grocery stores and restaurants.”

Changes in the ocean also threaten to disrupt the complex and often delicate ecosystems that underpin marine environments. The report notes that the upper layers of the open ocean have lost between 0.5 percent and 3.3 percent of their oxygen since 1970 as temperatures have risen. And, as the ocean absorbs more carbon dioxide, it is becoming more acidic, which could make it harder for corals, oysters, mussels and other organisms to build their hard shells.

Acidification and declining oxygen levels are already affecting the California Current, a nutrient-rich pattern of water currents in the Pacific Ocean that supports one of the world’s most lucrative fisheries, the report notes. While scientists are still trying to understand the full effects of these changes, one risk is that shifts in the food chain could cause fish to migrate away.

“If the fish leave, that affects the small fishing fleets we have up and down the California coast,” said Gretchen Hofmann, a professor of marine biology at the University of California, Santa Barbara who was not involved in the report. “So there’s the risk of real economic and social problems.”

While the report recommends that nations sharply reduce greenhouse gas emissions to lessen the severity of most of these threats, it also points out that countries will need to adapt to many changes that have now become unavoidable.

Even if, for instance, nations rapidly phase out their greenhouse gas emissions in the decades ahead and limit global warming to well below an increase of 2 degrees Celsius from preindustrial levels — a goal enshrined in the Paris Agreement, a pact among nations to fight warming — the world’s oceans and frozen landscapes would still look very different by the end of the century than they do today. Warm-water coral reefs would still suffer mass die-offs. Global sea levels could still rise another 1 to 2 feet this century as ice sheets and glaciers melted. Fish populations would still migrate, creating winners and losers among fishing nations and potentially leading to increased conflicts, the report noted.

To cope with these problems, coastal cities will need to build costly sea walls and many people will likely need to move away from low-lying areas, the report said. Fishery managers will need to crack down on unsustainable fishing practices to prevent seafood stocks from collapsing. Nations could also expand protected areas of the ocean to help marine ecosystems stay resilient against shifting conditions.

But the report also makes clear that if greenhouse gas emissions keep rising, many of these adaptation measures could lose their effectiveness. In the report’s worst-case emissions scenario, where greenhouse gases continue piling up unchecked in the atmosphere throughout the century, sea levels could keep rising at a relentless pace for hundreds of years, potentially by 17 feet or more by 2300, the report said.

“Our fate is probably somewhere in between” the best- and worst-case emissions scenarios laid out in the report, said Michael Oppenheimer, a climate scientist at Princeton University and a lead author of the report’s chapter on sea levels. “But if you think about the possibility of indefinite or even accelerating sea level rise for centuries to come, that bodes very poorly for coastal civilization.”

#Climate Change

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meditationsinausterity · 6 years ago

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Self Care on a Shoestring: Skincare

I can't help but be annoyed that the phrase 'self-care' these days means little more than an excuse to instagram yourself in the bath or buy a new nail varnish, when to those actively participating in any kind of therapy it means so much more. It's the endless chronicling of activity to notice patterns, the developing of coping strategies and systems to break them, the non-stop monitoring of behaviours that take you away from or towards your goal. Not to mention reminding yourself to eat, to get fresh air, to spend time around the people that make you feel like you can truly be yourself. Sometimes it's as simple as opening the curtains; sometimes it's as intense as having a conversation with someone about the fact that the social behaviours they expect of you are in direct conflict with your best interests.

Still, it is what it is, and self-care has become tied up very much with the idea of personal grooming, so it's the term I'll go with. I'm not going to deny that there is an element of wellbeing maintenance in taking care of your appearance. i know for a fact that if i get anxious, the way i look is often the first noticeable sign of slippage. And conversely, that sometimes standing under the shower methodically shampooing my hair can feel like the most infinitely head-clearing, mindful experience.

In an appearance-obsessed culture it's a dangerous gambit to propose that you have to look good to feel good, and it's not one I'm prepared to set my stock in as a way to live. For one thing, I don't have any beauty products to sell you when you get the subsequent fear. For another, everybody's mileage varies on what 'best' means, and that is fine. i get bored of adverts telling me I'm not enough, and i don't really want to add to that noise.

I am, however, incredibly vain, or rather, incredibly honest about it. I have been reflecting lately on a lot of my flaws; impatience, stubbornness, etc. and realizing that I'm not much more so than a lot of people I know, i just admit to it openly, but more on that another time. I'm also very interested in fashion, and by extension, beauty. When I have money, I do splurge on products for my appearance, but when I don't, I'm also pretty good at improvising solutions to take time for the beauty rituals that make me feel put together, pretty and stylish, without spending. The beauty industry thrives on the thrill of the new, of the purchase, of the sale, and it's pretty easy to get caught up in that product-lust, and feel all the consumer envy and anxiety that comes with not having enough spending power to participate. My approach to it all is a lot more laid back than it used to be; I focus less on the purchase, more on techniques and ritual that are of benefit and feel relaxing and luxurious.

So I thought I'd talk about how I keep myself feeling and looking on point with fuck all in the bank. And given a discussion with my friend Lou and I had over breakfast the other day in which I announced that I prioritise skincare over makeup because 'I can wash off a drawn on face, I only get one real one', I thought i would start with skincare. I mean, it's the building blocks of anything else you do to your face, and you do it every day, so it's important, right? I'm only going into what I do here, because it's all I'm qualified to talk about, so if you're happy with soap and water, or you want a full ten step k-beauty style regime, go you. But if I can teach anyone how to save a quid or try something they didn't know about in their grooming, then I'm doing what I set out to do.

(I didn't want this to be a product picture heavy post as that goes against what I'm trying to tell you, so I dug out a load of makeup free pictures of myself to illustrate that I have quite a good point when it comes to skincare)

Buying skincare

Okay, I know I said this wasn't about the purchase power angle, but obviously there are certain things you will regularly buy. So this is my hustler's advice to get them for the cheapest you physically can.

The first thing I'll say here is, HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO BRAND LOYALTY. If a beauty brand wants you to ship them, you shouldn't have to pay for your shit. Sure, if you find something you love, and wanna carry on using it, and it's within your means, go ahead, but these products are not essentials, or must haves. They are jars of goo. Mostly very similar ones. Most products that claim to do similar things will, indeed, do very similar things, at radically different price points. I love fragrance and packaging as much as the next person, but they don't make me feel ten times more beautiful, so I'm not paying ten times what I would for them.

On a related note; buying a more expensive product and skimping on application is a fool's errand. Get the cheaper one and use it as it was intended. Active ingredients have a job to do, and if you're not using enough of them, you may as well not be, so buying something that you feel is 'better' because it costs more and then applying it as though it were irreplaceable unicorn tears is a ridiculous waste of your time. Plus, it's not very self-caring to treat your face as if it's only worthy of half measures now, is it? you're gonna need the full whack for proper facial massage and shit anyway. Be realistic.

And back to brand loyalty. Don't be loyal where you shop, either. Everywhere needs your business these days, we're in recession. Anywhere that sells skincare will have countless promos on it, and you can use this to your advantage to stretch your buck as far as possible. I will admit, i do gravitate back to superdrug regularly, because they do court my business in such a way: they almost always have 3 for 2's combined with freebies and great introductory offers, but I also consider: supermarkets, health food stores, ethnic groceries, poundland wholesalers, and the fronts of magazines I'd be buying anyway (or that work out cheaper than buying the product); when I'm looking for what I need. By the same token, I'll warn you off blindly buying at the supermarket. Unless we're talking about the two teutonic loves of my life, Lidl and Aldi, it's not a given that what you chuck in with your fruit and veg will actually be a better bargain than you get elsewhere. Sometimes it really can be (it's worth keeping your eyes peeled for reductions because of packaging changes, for example), but oftentimes they rely on the fact that you are being economical with your time to charge you more for what's probably a pretty basic product.

And lastly; the more you know about your skin, the better you can treat it. When I talk about what I do, I'll be focusing pretty intensely on what works for my skin type, knowledge of which comes from years of having lived with my skin, reading about skincare wherever I can, listening to people who know what they're on about (but not always buying what they were selling), and some trial and error. having some basic knowledge of what active ingredients work for you and what to look for is your ally in avoiding unnecessary spends.

By the same token, if you try something and it doesn't work, give it to a mate. It's better than it sitting on a shelf unloved, and it'll probably make your mate's day, as it's an unexpected little treat. My friends and I have been doing this for years, and it's an excellent way to both give and receive a little mood lift, and make sure nothing goes to waste.

(even as a heavy smoker my skin hasn't aged that much, so there must be method in my madness)

Cleanse

This step is so key. When I slack with it the difference in my skin texture is noticeable almost immediately. This may be because i have savagely oily skin so my pores block up at the drop of a hat, but getting into a proper cleansing routine has drastically improved this. I favour an old school, oil based cleanser and facecloth route, so that I can incorporate facial massage, because I clench my jaw in my sleep and when I'm stressed. I am currently using superdrug's own B. range micellar cleansing oil, but i dot about buying whatever is cheapest or on best offer. I've been known to use coconut oil (that holy grail of versatile beauty products, I've got a cracked lip and am applying it as lipbalm as we speak), or in a pinch, whatever oil is in my kitchen cupboard, the important thing is the technique.

Apply it liberally to your face and neck (I use about a 50p sized amount to start and add more if i've not got significant lubrication). use small upward, circular motions to massage the skin. If you have large pores like me you may actually be able to feel some physical extraction and unclogging of your pores. Gross, but satisfying. I take the time to do some tension relieving massage as well; using my ring fingers i apply pressure in outward streaking strokes along my eye sockets and browbones, then I rest the cups of my palms under my cheekbones firmly, and slowly open my mouth (you'll feel real muscle resistance and then release as you do this - it's amazing for if you grind your teeth in your sleep or when you're stressed). Lastly I use the bent knuckles of my index and ring fingers to firmly work outwards from my chin along my jawbone in small, tight circles (again, if you have any points of tension you'll feel them and be able to concentrate on those areas). These massage techniques are awesome for puffiness in the morning and your facial muscles feel super relaxed after; they are also effective with a foam based facewash if that's your bag.

To take off the cleanser off I soak a lightly textured facecloth or flannel in hot (not too hot, let's not get any broken veins here) water, hold the whole thing over my face for a brief steam and a few deep breaths, then in brisk upward circular strokes, set about removal, focusing on problem areas (for me, my nose and chin). Squeaky clean, and relaxed.

As a footnote, I will say that I can't always be arsed if I've been up late, or I've got better things to do like get laid, I used to rely on facewipes to save the day. I still currently have a pack in my bag for when I stay at he who I shall call the bedfellow's house (I knew I'd cave to a moniker for convenience's sake eventually), but I'll actually vouch that Micellar water and a cotton wool pad is far better value for money per use. not my preferred method, and for me, not sustainable for any lengthy period of time, because my pores suffer, but far better than no cleanse at all.

Tone

I tend to fuck toner off a lot of the time. It's actually not a beauty industry secret that most of them don't do an awful lot, and counter girls the world over, if asked to sacrifice one step of a three-step program, will axe toner without blinking. It's not on your skin for as long as anything else, so it's not as crucial. Its job is to remove any last vestiges of cleanser, and tighten the pores, and you know what else does that? Freezing cold water. I can't remember the last time I bought a commercial toner. If I'm having a particularly breakout-y vibe I'll either buy a bottle of witch hazel, or brew some green tea and have it in the fridge to swipe over my face. but mostly, icy cold water does me beautifully, especially since my face is already wet given my cleansing method.

(unless you count the glitter smeared on me here by a three year old, the no makeup vibe here is strong, I don't think I'd be as confident in my skin if I didn't take care of it)

Moisturise

The most vital step. And the thing you should spend most money on, as it is actually absorbed into your skin. Having said that, I can't remember the last time I spent more than a fiver on one, and the almighty coconut oil can step in here again if needs be (If you take nothing else from this, take the fact that one jar of coconut oil can do everything you need, and it costs 2.99 at Lidl, and considerably less in most Indian and Caribbean groceries). I'm currently using B. for Superdrug's B. radiant day cream (are you feeling that 3 for 2 vibe yet?) but I have a bag of bog standard Boots own fragrance free moisturiser in my bag for bedtimes and mornings when I am not in my bed. I also have a half a tube of Soap and Glory's The Fab Pore on my dressing table, that I use sparingly because it's got some aggressive AHA's (alpha hydroxy acids - they basically kick skin debris in the dick, it's like sandblasting your face), which my skin occasionally needs if I'm suffering dullness, but if I use it regularly I get irrritated skin.

Moisturiser is probably where you most need to look for key active ingredients for your skin type, which is where that basic awareness of your skin comes in. Bear in mind, though, that the industry thrives on the new, so these ingredients will trend and then be superseded by something new in order to sell more shit. There'll always be new breakthroughs because there'll always be more product to sell that way. My age, and my oiliness taken into consideration, I tend to look for vitamin C, anything that says brightening or radiance boosting, and hyaluronic acid, an ingredient that locks water into the skin cells . But as i said, I'll take anything, as long as I can apply it liberally, in upward strokes, and always to the neck as well. never forget your neck.

(Fresh out of the shower and freshly moisturised, I actually often wish I could preserve this glow all day, which is what products that contain hyaluronic acid strive to do)

Additional products

Now, that's enough, really, if kept up regularly. And the routines and techniques performed day and night do feel luxurious, and like you're looking after yourself. You don't necessarily need all the serums, primers, masks, and targeted creams that you're told you do, but they can feel like a nice extra treat for you on a shitty day, and they do get results, so I'll run through what I must regularly indulge in.

Masks.

Oh masks. If you believe Instagram, we've reached peak face mask. There are so many different kinds that there aren't enough weeks in the year to try them all, and still they come. I acquire most of mine through three-for-twos, or as samples. I try and do at least one a week, usually two. One a deep cleansing clay-based one (at the moment i've got Soap and Glory's The Fab Pore, which also has glycolic acid, another great skin-resurfacing enzyme, but I've had that jar since Christmas and it's showing no signs of quitting on me yet), and the other a glycolic peel (B. by superdrug's at the moment). Because of my skin type, constantly clearing surface debris is really good for the condition of my skin, and anything that deep cleanses is always a good shout. I can also be tempted by thermal clay masks in winter, to boost my circulation, I seem to remember the most afforable one I found was by Sanctuary, and not more than a fiver in boots.

If I do not have time or access to such products, however, I do not cry about it. Life goes on, and I doubt anyone really notices but me, it's so much more a ritualistic thing that I do to feel like I am taking time for myself.

Eye Creams.

About the only sign I have of aging bar the odd grey hair is little crinkles around my eyes (I smile a lot). I don't really like them. I also get puffy eyes a lot (it's easy to make me cry, which is not a challenge by the way). I am not fussy about what I use, mine's from Aldi's Lacura range, and cost me about three quid, but kept in the fridge, and patted on when my eyes feel tired or sore, it is the most soothing thing. I can't honestly say if it makes a difference or not, but it feels so good that when I can make it part of my routine I do.

Spot treatments.

Fuck them. a bottle of tea tree oil is much cheaper, does the same thing, and has multiple other uses. Likewise TCP if we're being real here.

So concludes my initial skincare on the cheap outline. I imagine it'll be one of the more in depth pieces I write on self care, because I don't mind admitting that I am pretty lazy in a lot of other areas, and somehow manage to spend even less. I'm a sucker for a good beauty tip, especially a budget one, so I'd be really interested to hear everybody else's.

#personal blog #meditations in austerity #self care on a shoestring #skincare #cleanse #tone #moisturise #skin #beauty #self care

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martimorrison-blog · 7 years ago

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Courting Mistakes.

There are a few blunders that lots of people bring in when working with the rule of attraction, as well as many people make them right from the beginning. Scenario 3 set up that popular blunder could void an agreement simply if the blunder of the subject-matter was actually sufficiently essential to deliver its identification other coming from exactly what was contracted, helping make the performance of the arrangement impossible. You need to allow blunders and failures as a component of lifestyle and also a pure responses as well as nothing additional however feedback. A blunder in which each party has an improper understanding of the other's setting, or in which both individuals share the same wishful thinking, commonly a basis for canceling the agreement. Definitely, mistakes are good for our company - they create our company who our company are actually and usually represent our most useful jewels of knowledge as well as know-how. 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