#who knows what my future will look like but this is my present and i will love this body while i inhabit it
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This post is coming from me in my space of panic and resignation that I have been in all day, but I just. I felt the need to say anything at all.
Please do what you can to survive. This week, for the next few years, maybe forever. Please do what you can to survive. We cannot give up, we have to remain unified and continue supporting each other. That is all we can do. I don’t know what the future will look like, but we should be prepared to handle anything.
If you are like me, a female, I wish you so much support. With the rights we are about to lose, please keep yourself safe. Look into birth control if you can, especially IUDs or implants, I’ve been doing that myself. Please only surround yourself with people that you know are trustworthy. I’ve seen lots of women saying they’re going to be joining the South Korean 4B movement (not dating, having sex with, marrying, or having children with men), and honestly I encourage it. Even if you’d like to be a mother, it’s not safe anymore. If something goes wrong with your wanted pregnancy, there’s an incredibly high likelihood that you will not be able to receive care. That is a horrific reality, but it’s something we need to be aware of. If you are in a safe, loving relationship I am incredibly happy for you and I wish you the best. If you are not, or if you are single, do whatever you can to get to a safe place, please.
To any of my LGBT+ followers, please remain safe. Please, please, please be careful, with what you say, with who you talk to, with how you present yourself. I can’t even imagine how terrifying things might become, but I don’t want any of you to be ashamed, to stop being who you are. Just please be safe in how you do so. I wish you all so much luck and love because you all deserve to be free to express yourselves, to live as who you are in freedom and not be so heavily judged and prosecuted and punished. Please have safe spaces, and safe people to surround yourself with if you can. This blog will ALWAYS be a safe and inclusive space for you. I see you, and I accept you, and I support you so much. Please take care.
My support goes out to everyone who is about to be effected, because it is about to be more than just women and LGBT+ members, but I wanted to touch on those two specifically because they are the ones closest to me. I love you all. I’m sorry that this is how things turned out, but we need to keep going. We need to stay strong. We need to keep fighting and surviving because they want us to give in and we can’t do that. It might get incredibly tough next year, in the next four years or even longer, but you cannot give them the satisfaction. You have to outlive them, to prove to them that you can survive and that you deserve to be here.
I don’t particularly care if anyone thinks I’m being dramatic about this and I’m not trying to fearmonger. I don’t want anyone to be scared, but I can’t hide the fact that I’m scared. That I don’t know how things are going to look moving forward. But I care about each and every one of you.
Continue living with airport rules right now (doing whatever it takes to get to your destination of the future). He’s not in there yet. We are still safe right now. Please do what you can to prepare and to steel yourself for any outcome. But, for the next couple weeks, please just take care of yourselves. Indulge in activities you love, eat food you love, sleep as much as you can, take care of yourself as much as you can. You are not alone in this. Everyone that voted for her, we are all in this together. We cannot forget that.
I love you all so much. Please be safe. Know that you are not alone. Be strong, and be proud of what you fought for and who you are. You deserve to be here, and you deserve to be who you are.
#I didn’t know if I should say anything#but I felt guilty about acting like nothing happened#I’ve been a wreck all day#if you are at a safety risk for any of those policies please form a plan and do whatever you can to be safe#we are in the trenches together and we will survive together
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Perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone- Jing Yuan x GN! Reader
cw: death, sad Jing Yuan, Jing Yuan is a sweetie, mention of pet death, angst, marriage, hurt/mild comfort???? Lmk if I missed anything <3
wc: 873 words
Mino’s notes: willed this into existence while staring at my own worn rings in the shower lmao. I hope you like it <3
Jing Yuan was not a sentimental man. Throughout his very long life, he’d learned to let go of small attachments. He lived in the moment. The present and the present only, his past had haunted him for long and his future was in his palms. So there was just the present.
Besides, the general was often too tired to even pay mind to most matters of his past. Yet it slipped out sometimes, in small, barely noticeable items he had around him. Snowmoon’s red collar placed on a shelf by his desk, he’d rub the golden bell hanging from it every morning. A silent greeting to a pet (family) long gone. Pictures thrown deep within his closet he’d find maybe once a month while cleaning, letters and mementos from friends he’d lost and friends he rarely saw anymore.
But his favourite keepsake?
A shiny, golden, nearly perfect (though he’d agree it was already) ring that he kept around his neck. One he kissed many times while working. Polished every week. It lay directly over his heart most times. A reminder of who he once had and loved with all his being.
Jing Yuan liked you since you started working with him. Witty, smart, easy going, fun and always eager to learn. He found himself smitten in a few months alone, finding any excuse to keep you near him. You gave him hope.
It was great, you were both happy. He doesn’t know when it started, maybe he’d realized how fragile humans were? Maybe he’d realized how easy it was to hurt you, how easily you got sick. He didn’t know what to do, and it tore him apart.
“I already know I won’t live as long as you, ��Yuan,” you murmured, your fingers rubbing his scalp as he sat between your legs in the shower. Jing Yuan let out a soft and irritated noise at that.
“It doesn’t bother you? You aren’t frightened?” Bright yellow eyes stared up at you and you smiled at him. He’s never seen a smile like yours since. Even then it made his chest tighten and his heart stutter. You lean down and kiss his forehead.
“It scares me every day, my love. But right now, I am here, and we are together. Is that not what matters?” You whisper against his hair, taking in his smell. Truth be told it terrified you. Jing Yuan knew it as well as you did, someone who lived as long as him was not ignorant to how death loomed over all.
But now, you were here, in his arms, where he could hold you and love you.
“I’ll love you always, you know that right?” He said suddenly, gazing at you as you read. Your head resting on his chest and his hands brushing through it. You smile amusedly, turning to look at your lover.
“I could never ask that of you. It is selfish.”
He hummed, the corners of his mouth turned upwards, “you’re the only one I get to be selfish with, so allow me to indulge, my dove.”
Jing yuan now rests against his chair in his office. Hands idly fidgeting with his own ring, the gold worn from the decades of use. He rarely ever took it off, a fear of losing it. He missed you, he couldn’t wait to visit you today.
It was your birthday. Normally he’d decorate your whole house to surprise you when you returned, set up candles, rose petals, set up a table for dinner and cook a meal for you both. Today? He was going to drop by the bakery and pick up your favourite sweets.
He didn’t like them very much, and you always insisted that you didn’t either. Yet, without fail, he’d get them for you every week, and yet, without fail, you’d wake up at night, slip out from besides him and eat as many as you could without getting sick. Never questioning where they kept coming from even when you both knew.
The bakery stood the same all the years you were together. The lady behind the counter smiling as he picked up a box, a flower taped to the top, “for the spouse, general?” She asked politely, and Jing Yuan nodded, “no one but.”
He walked to the cemetery that day. It was chilly out and you would’ve enjoyed the weather, grabbed his hand and laughed and pulled him along with you. Looking up at the sky and wondering if it would’ve rained. Oh how you loved the rain and how he loved watching you.
Your gravestone greeted him the same as it did everyday. Some people would say it was overkill to visit everyday, but it wasn’t. Not for Jing Yuan. He couldn’t get enough of you. He placed the box on your grave, fingers brushing against the cold stone, over your name. Eyes stinging with tears that your hands couldn’t wipe away. He smiled all the same and sat down on the dirt, opening the box and pulling a sweet out and taking a bite as he began to tell you about his day.
“I will see you soon, someday, Dove. Until then, allow me to be a little selfish for a while longer.”
#honkai impact 3rd#honkai sr#honkai star rail#hsr drabbles#hsr x reader#hsr oneshot#hsr angst#hsr jing yuan#jing yuan#jing yuan hsr#honkai jing yuan#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail x gender neutral reader#gn reader#mino needs a hug#hsr smut#hsr x reader smut#jing yuan smut#jing yuan x reader#jing yuan x you#jing yuan x gender neutral reader
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Hi! what are your thoughts on the ever present fanon idea that James repeatedly asks Lily to date him before she finally concedes (he pesters her tbh)?
I feel like this throws a lot of people off of Jily as it just adds a bit of creepiness to the ship and makes it weirder for Lily to get with James considering this behaviour, after what must’ve been a fair amount of reckoning since he tormented her childhood best friend for years. Like even if Lily hated Snape at this point I don’t think she’d forget how James treated him easily and let James off the hook without a proper reckoning so adding pestering behaviour to that dynamic just makes their relationship more unlikely ya know. Honestly just tryna find reasons why fandom in general dislike Jily more than jegulus atp.
Hi anon
This idea that James repeatedly asked Lily out I think far precedes Jegulus. In my youth, the few fics I engaged with (often because my best friend kindly helped translate them) seemed to position it as a very cute thing - although it always annoyed me even then, because it has no basis in canon. The day and age where James persistently asking Lily out was seen as cute are over, and now this fanon idea is presented in favour of Jegulus or Snily.
Actually, as an aside, in general the marauders' story is one that has aged poorly... You can't really view the marauders without the lens of it being the 70s and during a wizarding world war - but people do and it completely changes everything.
How do I feel about it?
I feel the same way about this as I do with all fanon ideas that get presented as evidence. It drives me up the wall no end. We all get carried away with our own interpretations and that's fine, but if people cannot separate canon from interpretation of canon /headcanon from fanon, how can we have an informed debate?
Canon:
"Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they’re doing at night?” “I’m just trying to show you they’re not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are.” ... “I didn’t mean — I just don’t want to see you made a fool of — He fancies you, James Potter fancies you!” The words seemed wrenched from him against his will. “And he’s not ... everyone thinks ... big Quidditch hero — ” Snape’s bitterness and dislike were rendering him incoherent, and Lily’s eyebrows were traveling farther and farther up her forehead.
My interpretation of canon:
The conversation between Snape and Lily to me indicates that it is a relatively new development (which means sometimes not long before/after the whomping willow incident). At this point I think it's hard to argue that James has asked Lily out - why on earth would Snape feel the need to point out that James fancies her if this be the case.
Canon:
“I will if you go out with me, Evans,” said James quickly. “Go on ... Go out with me, and I’ll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.” ... “I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,” said Lily. “Bad luck, Prongs,” said Sirius briskly, turning back to Snape. ... “There you go,” he said, as Snape struggled to his feet again, “you’re lucky Evans was here, Snivellus — ” “I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!” Lily blinked. “Fine,” she said coolly. “I won’t bother in future. And I’d wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus.” ... “What is it with her?” said James, trying and failing to look as though this was a throwaway question of no real importance to him. “Reading between the lines, I’d say she thinks you’re a bit conceited, mate,” said Sirius. “Right,” said James, who looked furious now, “right"
Also canon: Lily found James attractive at this point, despite not liking him very much. It was confirmed in an interview, in response to whether or not Lily hated James, but as we know even from the source text:
“How come she married him?” Harry asked miserably. “She hated him!” “Nah, she didn’t,” said Sirius.
My interpretation of canon:
James is being an immature d***. That aside, nothing about this dialogue suggests to me that James has ever asked Lily out before. Why? James looks FURIOUS at the rejection, he does not give off the vibes of someone who has routinely been rejected by Lily.
There's also the small stuff which doesn't by itself mean anything but which adds up, such as Sirius' and Snape's reaction. Sirius doesn't come across as someone who has seen this a hundred times. He's obviously far less affected or surprised by the outcome, but that's not the same thing. Snape completely loses it with Lily - why? It's not the first time James and Sirius has bullied him, but if it's the first time Snape has listened to James ask her out - worse still, use him to ask her out, he might be furious. He told her so, didn't he? James Potter fancied her.
My headcanon:
We know Lily found James attractive, and that James is shocked to be rejected. We also know Snape is nervous that Lily might be falling for James: 'I’m just trying to show you they’re not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are' Why? Probably because by now Lily and James have flirted a little on and off. If Lily spoke the way she spoke to James by the lake - if James routinely asked Lily out - then the conversation between Severus and Lily makes no sense.
If people want to like Jegulus, they can. Personally, I think Jily holds everything I want from an "enemies" to lovers trope, and if I want another trope it's usually best friends to lovers, and I've got prongsfoot for that. Or if I am feeling like I want both, there's always Jilypad <3
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The Promise of Forever
-3rd Year Version
Inspiration song: Made You Feel My Love-Adele
*note: I decided not to include Lilia in this post because I felt it wouldn't feel right. I see Lilia has that father/grandfather figure who wouldn't be interested in a teen student character (even as MC approaches marrying age). Please forgive me.
Trey Clover
"Is everything alright, (Y/N)? You haven't reached for a cinnamon bun yet. What's--Oh, that! (Snicker) I knew it was around here somewhere. Oh, no. It's for you. Go ahead. You're really quiet, (Y/N). Do you not like it? What is it for? (Chuckle) To start the rest of our lives. (Laugh) So is that a yes?"
Cater Diamond
"Nope, you caught me at the best time, cutie. I was just finishing a little something for you. Wanna see? Pretty impressive, yeah? Well, I'll let you know a little secret. All these pictures spell out a secret message. Yuppers. Betcha don't know what it means. (Snickers) Of course, I want you to figure it out. I know how smart you are. (Gets down on one knee as you end up figuring out the collage.) You can never pop the question without the ring, you know."
Leona Kingscholar
"What do I want to do today? Ugh,, you know you can't thrust these questions onto me. I know it's our free time, and I'd rather not use it on thinking. How about you give me an easy question? What's the quickest thing I can make a decision on? Two things. One, you already know, and two, sleeping. You don't know the first thing? Hmph. Maybe this will help you remember. Based on the look on your face, I don't have to pop the question, do I, your future royal highness?"
Vil Schoenheit
"My beautiful one, it's been a long night. We've barely had time to ourselves. Yes, the praise I've received is more than warranted, but I believe my best achievement is yet to come. My dear, you must be tired. Have a seat and allow me to show you what I mean. (Pause) It is what you think it is. If you marry me, I shall show you what I must take to be the best husband in Twisted Wonderland and of your heart."
Rook Hunt
"Mon trésor. I have an urgent discussion that I hope you'll engage with. Will you lend ton oreille? Wonderful. I have un problème that has been itching me from top to bottom. You see, there is something so beautiful that I want something for my own, but it's selfish to keep a beautiful thing for yourself when the world should admire it. Trickster, what should I do? (Pause) I can be selfish once, eh? I suppose I should make my one selfish moment of weakness count, correct? Ma belle, indulge in my selfish desire and be one with me. That is my greatest wish."
Idia Shroud
"Hee! Sorry! I was gonna come out of hiding eventually. Oh, uh...I should've known you'd recognize the suit. Well, uh, I was...thinking, and I...wanted to see if it still fit. I hope that's not weird. It's not. Oh, ok. Then, I thought...maybe we can...walk outside? Uh...no...I'm gonna start using the tablet less. Anyway, do you wanna--Oh! Uh, yeah, let's...go. (Mutters) I was not expecting this. (Outside) Yeah, that's quite the light scattering in the sky there. (Mutters) Just as I hoped for. (Aloud) What? Nothing! Well, not nothing, but uh...It's a little scary be be because I...I never did this. I'm not perfect and...and...and I'm not ideal, but I...I love you, and I...I want you...forever. Will you...accept me?"
Malleus Draconia
"Shh, it's late. We must be quiet. Come. Follow me. We are going to see the moon. Yes, but you haven't witnessed the moon yet. There. The moon is in its utmost perfect position and form. Not everyone witnesses such a sight in the late of the night in their lifetime. Do you remember how we discussed our futures together? How we will share our lives together? I have never been able to share this kind moon with anyone before now. Not that the chance hadn't presented itself. More rather, I wasn't sure I was ready. Now, that I'm ready for us to watch this moon together a two, I propose that we watch this moon forever as one. May you take this ring and be the bride of my heart, Child of Man?"
#vil schoenheit#twisted wonderland#twst#anime#disney#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst wonderland#stories#vil shoenheit x reader#trey clover#trey x reader#idia#cater#twisted wonderland trey#twst trey#cater diamond#heartslabyul#twst cater#twisted wonderland cater#cater x reader#leona kingscholar#twst leona#vil#twisted wonderland leona#leona x reader#twst vil#twst rook#rook hunt#twisted wonderland vil
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"Tell me it's you, young lady."
"Yes, it's me, Ali...no, the possible Alicia in your timeline.
Dominic, despite Alicia's new look, could recognize her perfectly, specifically, Alicia's sweet, soft gaze, being now, Tempo.
"Tell me it's you, young lady."
"Yes, it's me, Ali...no, the possible Alicia in your timeline.
"So... I traveled to the future?"
"No dear. This place exists neither past, present nor future of anyone. But it's also not impossible for you to compare it as something like that."
Yejun, who was so confused, that the rabbit-faced woman was so attractive and moreover, she would be the sensitive young girl he met a while ago.
"I don't understand. Is she Alicia? I don't think so, that irritating personality of that big woman? Is this a joke?"
"Refrain from your words, young man. The theft you performed much trouble you have caused."
As the two watchmakers argued with Tempo, Lance just stared, wistfully, especially at Tempo and Dominic.
"You know them, Lance?" asks Balan as he sees Lance's face.
"Back in my day when Balan(ce) was, Mr. Clockmaker was in my charge. He was the closest person Alicia ever had in WonderWorld. That watch that Tempo has, that was the gift the mister gave her."
"Wow, you know a lot."
"Just Alicia told me about it. And I won't forget that smile she had...and I could never give."
King Negati ducks his head, not taking his mind off his failure to sway Alicia's heart.
As the two humans argue with the lady, Dominic notices two tall, thin men.
"And you are maestros too?"-Dominic asks, stepping closer as he sees the two.
"I see you don't recognize me, my estimable Mr. Dominic Leggero."
Balan, Tempo and Yejun are impressed by the surname of the man already revealed.
Yejun approaches the watchmaker with astonishment. His admiration grew even more.
"It's you! You really are the genius of mechanics! Your contribution has served a lot to....mrfh!
"You talk a lot" Lance covers Yejun's mouth, he wants to avoid revealing more than unnecessary to the watchmaker, coming from a more delayed era.
"Lance...I guess Mr. Dominic... "Balan mutters in surprise.
Lance nods his head as he directs his gaze to the rabbit lady.
"Yes, he is the direct ancestor of Christopher Leggero, your best friend."
"Chris..." Upon hearing the name of her best friend and beloved man, a small smile tugs at the lady's lips.
"If he's my descendant, then he must have this funny index finger inward, or not?"
Tempo looks at Dominic's right hand, and remembers that both Chris and Guido, have that disfigured shape on the finger indicated by the watchmaker.
"Wow, they're definitely related."-Tempo smiles slyly.
"And he's not missing Yejun."
"ª?"
The watchmaker stares at the man.
"This boy also has that malformation. I suspected it when I first met him."
"Sir, but how are you so sure of that?"-Yenjun asks with a distrustful expression, as he felt that because of his origin, he finds it impossible his connection.
"Young man, I am sure, my intuition has never failed me." Dominic expresses very proudly.
"Emmm..." Tempo, upon hearing that word, approaches Dominic with doubts she wishes to clarify. And a slight smile leaves her lips.
"And... your intuition is also... inheritable?"
Dominic is surprised and thinks for a few seconds.
"Ummm, if my great-grandfather and aunt have it...it may be so. But she tells me that relatives who don't inherit that gift can pass it on to their descendants."
"Hehe, I understand."
"?"
"Chris has that gift too. If it wasn't for his intuition, I would have been in trouble when I was a child" A small smile appears as she remembers those moments she spent with her beloved. Her expression changes to one of sorrow and melancholy.
"Do you miss your friend, young lady?"
"Very much."
"I would love to do something for you, tell me what you need."
The maestro didn't hesitate to use that favor, so she looks at the two maestros with a determined expression.
"Balan, Lance, I ask you to please leave this place."
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#when i was first coloring him in he was gonna be golden chinchilla colored but then i was like ehhh jonah magnus should be red/orange but#elias should be gray ...so i just desaturated what i already did instead of recoloring lol but#he is now supposed to be shaded silver lol#but thats why his coat pattern is on the darker side compared to what it *should* be#og elias bouchard coming from an important/roch family and while whole thing with thinking he just *deserves* stuff bc of his upbringing.#etc. -> he is purebred and matches the breed standards etc for a scottish fold of his color#obviously the eye color doesn't matter because. ahaha#i thought elias fit the Scottish fold vibes because: Scottish folds are known for looking sort of like owls and having intense eyes#and the cat body/face type (also present in british shorthairs) to me gives off sort of... unnasumming vibes?#like ahaha yes i am a boring boss who loves paperwork look at how unnasumming i am season 1-2 elias y'know#trying to think of what cat breed jonah would be. and also jon gerry etc you know all the other characters i like#would it be boring to have multiple british shorthairs#i mean..#Michael shelley/distortion is a laperm that's all I know#i didn't particularly care with the personality attributes associated with eliascat because it didn't need to fit his personality on account#of not being his original body. but i do try to keep in mind the best personality/look/etc. cat attributes as a whole for a character#also sometimes get obsessed with jt making historical and geographical sense but then it just limits me greatly to a point im not into it#so i don't care about specific breeds in that respect lol#tma#my art#elias bouchard#the magnus archives#some notes looking back(made it 2 hours ago but still looking back ok..) on it now are that i feel like elias would never choose this breed#for his next bodyhop because of the inherent health issues in scottish folds. I saw the breed was created in like the early 1960s and#assumed that maybe the health issues wouldn't have been common knowledge until later enough for jonah to be unaware of them but actually no#there's legislation about it like 6 years later LOL so jonah would..maybe not make this choice#i guess in the future when drawing i will just make him a British shorthair#my catTMA is simultaneously 'they are just regular cats or like all show cats or something' and 'exact tma plot but as intelligent cats'#LOL its just vague in my mind idk..also maybe jon can be an Abyssinian#ALSO WHAT WAS I THINKING 'jonah may not have been aware about x thing' like did i...did i forget. me 2 hours ago was dumb as rocks
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so i may be a little bit stupid. as in this isnt the first time i saw your trans leon art of course. it's probably the second or third time. but when you posted your commission art post and reposted the leon pic w it it made me realise that. leon's body looks like me. and usually even no-op art has features that i don't have like pronounced body and facial hair but like... this pic made me realise that i don't have a girl's body i have a body. with tits on top like. i guess like cherry on the cake? like just a feature on top. idk it's a change of perspective that i really like and makes me feel so much better and i would have never come to that conclusion if it wasnt for your art. so thank you
that's not stupid. it's not really a popular perspective. things are getting a little better now i think, at least in trans spaces, about celebrating and loving our non-op non-conventional bodies. but when i was growing up trans (not even that long ago! im 26 in a few days!) there was nothing like this that i ever saw. and my body was a source of just. daily despair. for a long ass time. i'm not saying i don't still have bad days but it wasn't until i started exploring trans bodies in my art that were different from the post-op 'ideal ("acceptable") stealth trans guy' image that i could i start to envision a different future for myself, a possible future, one that's more inline with my present. more in line with me and what my body looks like. this is how i learned to make peace with my body. love it even. tits and all! this took years of work but i am so much more happy and content these days than i ever thought i could be in this body. all thanks to art. and daring to have that first thought of 'what if'.
so yeah. there's kind of a lot of weight behind what i do here and i'm honestly astonished that i have gotten very little backlash for it over the years. sometimes i'm met with confusion, but for the most part its all very positive and enthusiastic, because there are a lot of people out there who have bodies like you and me and i'm so happy i can offer strangers like you a piece of the peace i've made for myself. take care <3
#human bodies are so varied but so so so much more similar than people want you to think#'i don't have a girl's body i have a body' that's it. that's literally it!#ask wilt#especially having to go off T three years ago i thought it was the end of the world. and then i had to keep living#i GOT to keep living and it's been a whole new process of relearning this body#but i'm happy when i look in the mirror these days. i really am#who knows what my future will look like but this is my present and i will love this body while i inhabit it
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More progress being made. I finished re-reading The Illusion of Living this past Friday. It's a nice book. 👍 This was the last of the Bendy books in this "marathon" that I'm doing which I had already read previously and now I'm rereading, meaning that I'm kind of up to date when it comes to rereading all the books that were released until December 2021. But the race is not over yet. Soon I'll start Fade To Black, and (technically) I'll finally be up to date.
Just to continue my chain of posting about the books I finished (at least, the main ones that I really wanted to read) here it is…something I did at the beginning of March, on the night when shit went down. (I hope you know what I'm talking about). I saw the tweets first hand, I was there! Right at the damn moment. And it was..something reading those tweets alright. If the image above doesn't show it, my mood that night and the next 1-2 days wasn't so… great. You might read this and think I'm exaggerating, but that night especially I, uuhhh, I didn't feel good! And this image (and maybe 2 more posts I made that night) are the results of that. (And to think that a week before this happened, I had finished rereading DCTL after a long time. Talk about better/worse timing than this)
At least, if you want the bright side of this, it's that even after that day, I decided to continue with my book marathon, and I don't regret it. I was down that day, but I wasn't out yet damn it!! and I'm still not. (I don't know if this sentence makes a lot of sense, but you get my point)
As a bonus, here's something I did the night I got to the part where Henry is first mentioned in the book (you can consider this as a representation of my reaction when he's first mentioned, both for when I read TIOL for the first time in 2021, as now in this rereading)
Feat. canon Henry design and my fanon design for him (I wanted to include him here + I still read this book with my fan-designs in mind)
#bendy and the ink machine#batim#crookedsmile open his mouth#crookedsmile open his mouth;bendy#ABBY LAMBERT; IN MY HEART YOU ALWAYS BE CANON TO THE GAMES; I DON'T CARE WHAT THE OTHERS SAY#also;i'm a Henry Stein fan;could you tell#re-looking at the first image and realizing that I will probably have to change my Abby design eventually;specifically; the hair.#I'm sure this hair doesn't match with what was described in DCTL or TIOL;#It's going to be a little strange; I'm so used to drawing her like this; but hey; every now and then we have to make sacrifices#To summarize my thoughts on TIOL: it's a nice book! Although it is not my favorite among the other Bendy books written by Kress#It's great to see more of Joey; delving deeper into his character and seeing how he thinks and seeing more of his life before the studio#is an interesting read! but I still prefer stories like DCTL and TLO; you know;especially because these two also have the horror factor in#which;considering what TIOL is; it doesn't have it. It's still a good book tho. It's just not my favorite#and re: the whole book canonity thing: I was not happy! Wow; what a surprising thing to say#as someone who enjoyed the books;I was disappointed with what I thought was expanding the games universe;In the end;just wasn't doing it#like;ok;sure;that doesn't mean the books aren't worth reading; I'd say they are! but still;*points to the last tag*#Maybe; one day; in the future; I can even accept this decision and move on with life; you know. understand the why of this.#but in the current present? yeah;no. I will continue to ask myself why#I would say more; but Tumblr has a tag limit apparently so I'm running out of time. as a last message: read the books#regardless of what the devs say; I still think these things should be recognized.#that's all; peace
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sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because I’m an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told you’ll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or ‘sing with the girls’ and then only be able to match male voices because you’re a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I can’t think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because I’m an adult who’s more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because they’re like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.
#Using randomly gendered words because that’s me now but hey#Regardless of if you were born afab and are a girl 100% or if you were born afab and are someone else#It STILL sucks to always be grouped along with ‘girls’ just because of your voice and realize#You CANT hit that. You can’t hit the mark for ‘girl’. You’ll never achieve that without like. Hrt#Just say THE VOCAL CLASS. Like. Sopranos sing with this. Tenors with this. Bass with this. Etc#Then it doesn’t hurt! But nooo instead they’re looking or ‘sing with the other girls’ and you fucking can’t#And it gives you a crisis at age 14#Anyway all I know is when other people who were assigned female at birth and aren’t on something they changes ones voice#and just happen to have born with the same deep ass voice as me. It makes me proud to hear them use it#Because not enough people do. It’s like we’re all collectively embarrassed or something#I see so many sad posts from teenagers posting their dream roles and the reason they won’t get it is ‘girl’#and it’s like. I remember being that kid. Never able to get a female lead because of my voice. Never able to get a male lead because of gir#Even though my voice and appearance could easily swing male. Nope! You’re GIRL. So you’re doomed to background forever :)#I got 1 lead role and it was when I was at my most feminine and was also for a villain that was a fat hag#I LOOOOVED playing her im aunt sponge forever. BUT. Never getting one again after that… showed me. Something#More gender blind casting and more songs just written for tenors please#doing just ONE of those things would probably solve the issue#But both please because I’m greedy and I want what I couldn’t have for every kid today#(And also me in the future in adult community theatre. Haven’t had time/too intimidated so far but I WILL go back)#And before anyone questions the language on this post. I STRUGGLED with how to word it#TERFs begone. I love trans people. I am nonbinary and some form of intersex (pcos).#I just word it this way because of like. Where we all start#Whether we stay GIRL girls or realize we’re somewhere in between. It crushes us either way to have the ‘wrong’ voice to do anything#Because it did me at first. And I’m otherwise GLAD to be confusing#I’ve come to love my deep voice it baffles others and they never know what to call me it really helps the whole ‘what am I’ presentation#But. In terms of certain things. Like being in theatre in the deep south#It certainly does not help and can be disheartening#Especially back when I was younger and more self conscious#lion’s lair
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ANYWAY now that ive gotten my firefly rant off my chest and on a more positive note about the story overall; i Really liked it!!!! and character-wise specifically the biggest surprise for me in a huge W way was actually acheron??
& given i was actually somewhat committed to pulling her anyway (well. initially as kafka replacement to pull my first lightning carry after losing 50-50 but. Well. she had mercy on me at the v last moment thank goodness 😭😭) so actually ending up liking her character this much just cemented that resolve for good too. cant wait for her!!! like i am still meh on her base design not bc its that bad by itself but simply bc seeles existence just cheapens it so much like. Why are they so similar. but its not bad lmao
anyway to her actual characterization. first of all. the VAs delivery omg yall beidous english voice is already one of my all time favorites in genshin and shes doing an amazing job as acheron like. she started talking and im just INSTANTLY warmed up to her just from that KDJSKDKJK i love love love her attitude and energy!!!!!
n personality wise too??? like ive seen others mention a similar sentiment but its just the way how. even after getting the warnings from now Two separate characters that shes up to no good. im just like. "nah id win" abt it SHSKDKSI like throughout the story she comes off as so damn likeable and grounded and realistically friendly (as in not like. too open n aligned w the player from the get-go to feel believable for the character as opposed to a plot contrivance) that i just. even if shes bad news im team acheron truly.
she has genuinely funny one liners too ??? like not necessarily jokes outright but the kinda comments she says are just . very realistic in that dry witty way that comes off as natural and entertaining shes so charming!!! i love her. the more contemplative stuff she says too
but also like. girl whats up w the ominous red text ily but are we cool 😭😭 and the whole shredding us into thin slices on first encounter in the dreamscape like. Ok uhhhhhhhh ik i said nah id win and team acheron forever but this is kinda. worrisome
BUT that just means im so fucking excited to see her go apeshit too lmao like. oh shes an emanator here to do murder and spread death? COOL i hope she has fun!!
(and ik i said firefly rant over but. what the actual hell is that post firefly merk dialogue option where the games like very heavy handedly implying ur supposed to be blaming ACHERON for "letting it happen" in some emotional frenzy???? bro what 💀💀 0/5 moment i would never. n even if she plausibly did im just. dude her being cold towards firefly is just a plus for me when the narrative has just railroaded the TB into being sooo charmed by her magical presence lmao i Liked that acheron was suspicious n cold)
overall Definitely wasnt expecting acheron to establish herself as such an instant favorite for sure but. shes here now and im v happy abt it im super looking forward to seeing those more dubious goals of her come to the forefront in the future like. im so curious about whats up w her and her memory and that red text and everything
#also honestly unintentionally hilarious moment from acheron when she jist. asks for directions to the lobby too 😭😭😭😭#anyway. overall i wonder if theure like. making a point of setting up the 'suspicious' characters to turn out far more benign#than appears at first glance#and have the more like. omg friendly people. turn out more involved in the shady stuff#like to a degree it already happened with aventurine. whole time everyones playing up how shady he is but#ultimately he really didnt do that much in terms of actually harming us? he was surprisingly straight (lol. lmao) w us throughout#like Obviously hes acting in full self interest but i do overall v much agree w black swans assessment of him too#that as a businessman it does matter how he handles his deals. now obviously he could turn out a whole lot different in the future#but nonetheless. point being he wasnt all that nefarious compared to how he was presented as#whereas both acheron and (sigh) firefly do kinda have that initial friendliness and then later on turn out to be#Not what they seem . which isnt like a twist or anything its just interesting#tho i suppose its less whos more or less trustworthy at first glance and more just. everyone lies on penacony#just depends on what their aims are to truly know whether they stand in opposition w us ultimately#acherons strange bc like of the cast rn. truly would trust her the most just based on vibes . which might not be smart 💀💀#logically the most quote unquote trustworthy are swan n aventurine methinks . swan bc she said she wants more of my memories for her stash#so she wants us alive on both a personal basis and as a memokeeper#n aventurine bc he sees us as his own investment in whatever gamble hes undertaking#so cold as it is. we are very valuable to those 2 as assets so like they might hide things n mislead but they dont want us dead lol#anyway v much looking forward to the future developments#hsr#rambles#hsr spoilers
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#'hold your breath and hold on tight‚ hunker down‚ try not to cry'#'tell the critters that you love‚ that you love them‚ that's enough'#'cause there's no stopping what's to come‚ some shit's just etched into the stars‚ calamities you can't outrun'#it's been a difficult six months or so after being presented with some inevitable future losses‚ you kind of just disengage with everything#then try to stay distracted with busywork and things that don't take much focus. It's infuriating when something's happening and you#can't do anything to help or change the outcome or fix it. It's just there and happening and you have to watch and do nothing even knowing#where it's potentially going. And the worst part is‚ it can look like it's getting better and things can look promising‚ and in a span of#days it's all downhill. And I did not expect one of my stupid little distractions to punch me in the face with my reality‚ but here we are.#Our roof is finally fixed though‚ so there's that. It rained for two days and the rain stayed outside instead of coming in. It's been a#good number of years since that was the case. I learned how to make a custard pie last month. The spiral ham I like is on a good sale and#I'm getting one for Christmas. I gave in and spent $150 on UGG men's boots because the ones I had to buy to be in a wedding party five#years ago impressed me but were women's boots. They're super warm. I found a Christmas card that was the leg lamp from A Christmas Story to#send to a friend. Someone gave my housemate Wawa gift cards and now we're fully stocked on free egg nog. A rep at work brought me a little#holiday bag at work with a 'champagne' bottle of french vanilla hot chocolate mix and some nice candy. There's a squirrel who's gotten#spoiled by getting peanuts and now he hangs outside my second-story window on the tree and barks at me to demand more. Rent is going down#in my city of choice and hopefully things go well to move out of this city by the end of next year. Humans are going back to the moon. The#Webb Telescope has been showing us things at the edge of the galaxy I never thought I'd see. Otters and bats and owls and cats exist.#Humans have achieved net positive nuclear fusion...we made a star in a bottle. It's too early to be up right now on a Saturday.
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The 2022 Ebenezer Scrooge just gives me Arthur but as a Gilf vibes and I'm just. I need. I need AU fanart of Arthur as the 2022 Scrooge.
#On my knees#Alfred could be Isabel because we love Usuk angst and it fits. Listen to Later Never Comes and tell me that doesn't scream-#-Alfred deciding he's fucking off to start a revolution#Francis can be Christmas Present because that man was CAMP and Framcis woulda slay#Matthew could be Christmas Past because she kinda looked like Isabel in the movie so tracks I guess?#And he's be sassy with Arthur I think#Gilbert can be Christmast Future because. Creepy little sad emo pale man scaring Arthur for laughs is funny#Acts creepy and mysterious and then drops the act aorund the other ghosts and it just pissing himself 'You should have seen his face!'#Antonio could be Past too because. Bad Bitch Trio too so. Either way.#The Cratchit's could be the UK bros 💀 Tiny Tim < Petite Peter#But also would he do that to family? It could be he lost Peter when he was younger. Like Scrooge with his sister#So the Germanics could be the Cratchits? With Lichtenstein dying I guess? Who knows#What if it's Holy Rome 💀💀💀#Anyway-#Hetalia#Christmas Carol#Arthur Kirkland#Ebenezer Scrooge#Hws England#I'm. Not tagging everyone else.
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Vanilla and Lemons
I grew my hair out last year
I don’t regret it
December I met a nice guy at work
Tonight he let me wear his flannel home
I don’t know how to take cute pictures of myself
Maybe I’ll start practicing?
#I don’t know what the future looks like#But there’s a lot of I love you’s in my present.#don’t tell anyone about this post it’s between me and the five people who follow this account#it me
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Dont know which would be worse
#having only myself to blame or being able to point fingers at my parents#sometimes i do both. i blame myself but also my parents but then i look at my sister who had the same parents#and she still has a more fullfilling social life than i do#she has her few friends but her friendships are so fulfilling she doesnt want any more#and then you have me fighting tooth and nail to meet new people#and still feel incredibly lonely most of the time#i love the friends i have but i feel alone regardless#it's like i dont have anyone to really count on. which is selfish. but i've always felt like a reserve friend#if that makes sense. like ''she'll be there regardless''. like i'm in a reserve room incase anyone should need me#i'm convinced there's something wrong with me. something i just cant manage to do right#i know i shouldnt hold on to the past but how if it affects my present#i always feel so awful when i see and hear about the concept ''friendships formed during childhood & adolescense are the most special''#and everyone i know left that phase with a best friend. and a couple good friends#and i left it feeling like i just. you know how schools are crowded places and you exit from the door and everyone goes home#i felt like while everyone was leaving with at least someone i was leaving it alone#like watching everyone walk away with each other and i'm walking out alone#like. like i was just surrounded by so many people when did it become so empty#i wish i had at least that one person with whom i have that very special bond#i feel like i have no one to really count on. no one needs me while i need someone#i'm scared of my future too like i'll remain this lonely for a long time. bc what will happen with me#when i've already lost my chance in school and uni#uni was atrocious it started with covid and all my classes were completely online the first two semesters#i somehow managed to make three friends that are very dear to me#but as i said. i'm looking for that one special connection and i think this search for it will be my demise 🤣#anyway i feel like if i continue it will get less comprehensible#nesi rants
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Tag drop: Kafka
#kafka. [ we believe that existence has meaning; but that meaning is bestowed by ourselves. not by choices. ]#kafka: ic. [ like a spider in the center of her web. it has a thousand radiations; and she knows well every quiver of each of them. ]#kafka: inquiries. [ apologies for interrupting your little get-together. but I’m sure once you’ve heard my request; you’ll forgive me. ]#kafka: countenance. [ destiny has thousands of faces. why does it choose to wear this one? ]#kafka: introspection. [ it started with sincerity and anticipation followed by a passionate catharsis; with one climax after another. ]#kafka: meta. [ she must have sought something extraordinary. everything she does comes at a great cost. ]#kafka: wishes. [ if you wanna look for some fun. i won't stop you. i mean after all; elio didn't put it in the script; why would it matter?#kafka: etc. [ seems i came at a bad time. / no no; i think you couldn't have timed it better. 23:47:15. very punctual; kafka. ]#kafka: stellaron hunters. [ we all have our own individual goals. we may work together; but we work together for our own reasons. ]#kafka: astral express. [ in pursuit of the most dangerous objects in the universe? in that sense; you and i are cut from the same cloth. ]#kafka: conflict. [ looks like we're the ones getting ambushed. / but they're the ones getting besieged. ]#kafka: nessun dorma. [ da capo. fortississimo. capriccio. recitativo. doloroso. leggiero. ]#kafka: beauty. [ beautiful things have one thing in common: fragility. the more fragile; the rarer. maybe that's what makes it precious. ]#kafka: destiny. [ that's the nature of destiny; it creates a miracle but convinces you of an accident. ]#kafka: pteruges-v. [ it was one of many planets changed by a stellaron. it's a shame i never got to witness how far it fell at the time. ]#kafka: bladie. [ … her voice was very gentle. and even the monster inside his body stayed silent to listen to her. ]#kafka: bladie. [ i long for you; i who usually long without longing; really and utterly long for every bit of you. ] daybreakrising.#kafka: veritas ratio. [ i believe you have fallen victim to a misconception; doctor. who says it is elio who harbors an interest in you? ]#kafka: veritas ratio. [ does it smell of me; veritas? ] avaere.#kafka: caelus. [ i called out to you and you came. you had many choices; but everything led you here. to right here and right now. ]#kafka: caelus. [ everything that you love: you will eventually lose. but in the end; love will return in a different form. ] astrxlfinale.#kafka: elio. [ there's an empty space in my mind; my heart. changing that part of myself isn't something i can do alone. he can help me. ]#kafka: silver wolf. [ ignoring the rules is something she and i have in common. ]#kafka: sam. [ you should really stop playing with your food; kafka. / i know. next time. this time… it's already too late. ]#kafka: v. new babylon. [ i was a devil hunter. when people don't feel fear; they are dominated by desire; pleasure. they become “devils”. ]#kafka: v. present. [ we can only add one gold thread each time but eventually: we will pave the way for the future that is written. ]#kafka: v. future. [ the future is like a labyrinth: every divergence is merely an inducement. there is only one real path. ]#kafka: wishes. [ if you wanna look for some fun. i won't stop you. i mean elio didn't put it in the script; so why would it matter? ]#kafka: little notes. [ the mara's tether is in her grasp. she will not pull it before the designated time. nor shall she relinquish it. ]
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me, refusing to be perceived: why don’t people perceive me ://///////
#home cooked hijinks#. im the architect of my own fucking problems and there is literally not a single reason for it im just a fucking freak and a coward#and i KNOW this and i HATE it and i CANT FUCKING STOP MYSELF#like. jesus. there’s something wrong with me like genuinely#i keep secrets for no reason i push people away and then complain about it like bitch whos fault do you think it is...#i dont know. i just. i think im living for a future that i'm never going to let happen. how much longer can i keep rotting like this?#i dont know. i dont know. it scares me a lot. im scared of a lot of things. im a fucking coward i know i just dont want to dissapoint anyon#and i dont even know i dont know i dont even have problems i think i just don't want to be happy#i cant ever seem to be happy even when i'm trying to be i look back at the present and think “this will be so bittersweet when theyre gone”#i dont really want to keep living but i hate the thought of dying like this.#if i die will they say she lit up a room will they say she was dutiful and polite will they say she was a beautiful girl i dont want that#i really dont want that but i dont ever want to say anything i dont even know. im sorry. im sorry. i talk and gibberish comes out#they dont listen to me because i dont want them to. i want somebody to listen most of all. if somebody listened to me it might break me.#i dont know. i dont know. i really dont know. what does it say about me that i write my diary in a famously broken code?
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