#who is killing oghren first though

[asexuallucanisdellamorte]

if bioware do make a dlc for veilguard i will only accept a mass effect citadel style one. Rook and co can't go back into the fade so the inquisitor gifts them skyhold and the entire dlc is just inviting every single one of dragon age's previous characters to a massive party

[jazzmckay]

'Killing's what swords are for': an Oghren analysis

companion piece to my other meta, 'I am your Paragon': a Branka analysis"

upon walking into the orzammar commons, you encounter an argument between two groups of dwarves that turns into a fight, resulting in one being killed. this is your first introduction to the political situation in orzammar, to bhelen and harrowmont, and to dwarven culture itself. the captain of the guard laments that the warden--an outsider--happened to arrive in time to see this, as it makes the dwarves look violent and disorderly. he seems to disapprove of the fight being witnessed by an outsider more than he disapproves of the fight happening at all.

behind him, a grand bridge stretches across the city, a bigger and more eye-catching landmark than anything else around it, even the doors that lead to the diamond quarter, which houses the shaperate and the royal palace. this bridge leads to the provings, where dwarves pit themselves against each other, sometimes to resolve grievances, sometimes just to fight for fighting's sake.

the dwarves are fighters. with the constant threat of darkspawn pushing at the borders of what's left of their empire, they have to be.

orzammar is also thoroughly structured. the caste system defines who a person is--who they must be. everyone has a role, given to them by birth. there are rules, and the dwarves follow them strictly. duty is the most important thing, and the cost of rebelling is steep. if an individual should step out of these rigid boundaries, the only recourse is an honourable death by joining the legion of the dead. otherwise, the casteless are left in the destitute dust town, or they go to the surface; both options involve that dwarf being removed from their people's records, no longer a recognized member of their society.

between this strictly regimented system and the value placed on their warriors and defenders, dwarven society exists on the razor's edge between violence and order. in some ways, it's a blend of the two. in other ways, the impossible dichotomy can ruin a person who only ever sought to be what orzammar needed them to be.

oghren is a member of the warrior caste, and he is also a beserker. his purpose in life is to be a fighter, a defender, a protector. the warrior caste is the sword and shield of orzammar. without them, darkspawn would likely overwhelm the legion of the dead and then lay siege to the city, and so they are trained--and expected--to be as fearsome of a warrior as they can be.

as a warrior, oghren was successful, and gained respect and renown. being an exemplary member of the warrior caste, he was chosen to marry branka, who was an exemplary member of the smith class. oghren was already interested in felsi, but he did his duty to his people and gave her up to marry branka. they were both recognized for their accomplishments and upheld as role models, all the way to branka eventually being named a paragon, a living ancestor, akin to a god.

and then branka disappeared.

and orzammar gave up on her.

anyone you talk to about branka will tell you what a genius she was, about the invention of hers that earned her paragon status. they'll also tell you that she's been gone in the deep roads for so long that there's no way she's still alive. people have accepted that she's gone, and it's a waste to send search parties out after her, as they'll just lose more people in the process.

oghren can't let this go. branka is his wife, and it's easy to see how much she means to him--even though their relationship was rocky--in how he talks about her accomplishments, her cunning, her tenacity. to him, it's a disrespect for orzammar to give up on her and assume her dead. he's convinced she's still alive out there, and the lack of belief from others, the lack of action, is maddening for him.

oghren describes being a berserker as "mad rage". he says:

Oghren: The hard part is getting in touch with your rage. We all learn to hold that back. It's why we don't kill every duster who looks at us sideways. You need to shut that off.

being a beserker on behalf of orzammar means unleashing that mad rage in defense of the city, and when orzammar abandons oghren's wife, their paragon, he is understandably livid. this leads to him demanding action, and killing a lord's son who doubted branka was still alive, in a duel that was meant to only be to first blood. the warden first encounters oghren when he's arguing with loilinar ivo about the lack of support for branka, and he'll explain the situation oghren is now in, two years after branka's disappearance and as a result of him killing that lord's son:

Loilinar: It was a huge scandal. Oghren should've been executed, but he'd won honours in the Deep Roads. Instead, they stripped him of all weapons, and forbid him from engaging in fights within city limits. If he breaks the decree, he'll be exiled.

loilinar also aptly refers to oghren as "practically gelded". oghren is a warrior, and a berseker, who served orzammar well enough to gain honours and be part of an arranged match. his rage has been a tool for orzammar's protection. he played his role perfectly, up until orzammar abandoned branka. he gave everything to orzammar, and only lost everything in return. he may not have been exiled immediately, he may still be oghren of house branka, but house branka no longer exists in the eyes of most. the entire house, oghren excluded, disappeared, and is presumed dead. oghren is still allowed in orzammar but he isn't allowed to carry weapons, he no longer has his family, he no longer has his people's respect. the only thing that's left to him now is drinking away his sorrows and trying, again and again, to convince someone, anyone, that it's worth sending a group after branka.

when you first get to speak with oghren, he's drunk, angry, and distrusting. he calls you out for doing dirty work for one of the potential kings. he doesn't believe you genuinely want to help him find branka out of the good of your heart. and what reason does he have to think otherwise? no one else is willing to help him, especially not without ulterior motives. the warden is just a stranger, or worse, a lackey for the kinds of people who have disrespected branka and ignored his pleas. his rage has been simmering without an outlet for two years. his city has given up on him as much as it gave up on branka. the oghren you meet is a shadow of his former self, beaten down, practically a nobody.

oghren was orzammar's sword. killing is what he is for. all he ever tried to do was be what orzammar needed him to be, to fit in that strict caste system, but how could he, when he was taught to give into a wild, mad rage, within a society built on rules and order?

oghren himself says it best later on, when you ask him about the warrior caste:

Oghren: You get a sword or an axe and are told to go out and defend your city. It's the best thing in the world, that is until you try to live in the city you saved. I mean, they train you to kill, teach you to harness your rage at the first noise you hear, then try to set a hundred sodding rules about it. Like those Provings. Ancestors show their favor through the strongest arm, right? So why so many rules saying how to fight and when you win, and not to bloody kill? Killing's what swords are for! You toss a nug to a deep stalker, you don't expect it not to eat the thing, right?

while branka is lost and doomed in her drive to live up to orzammar's standards, oghren still has a chance for escape. after completing paragon of her kind, oghren leaves orzammar without any hesitation. becoming a surfacer is exile, it is to be casteless, and many dwarves are wary of what lies beyond their city, with that vast open sky above. but oghren doesn't hesitate, and he's hardly fazed. later, he expresses that he doesn't miss orzammar:

Oghren: What? Miss Orzammar? Are you mad, in addition to being ugly? They treated me like a puddle-fly back there. I'm never going back.

and that he prefers the broader, less strict world of the surface:

Oghren: No one has any idea who you are. Or what you're doing.

in essence, he's free. he has a blank slate. he isn't a member of the warrior class, he isn't the husband of a paragon, he isn't oghren of house branka. he is a companion to the warden, and will fight against the blight, but these are connections he chose and willingly aligned with. when all this is said and done, he can do anything he wants with his life.

oghren's personal mission isn't just about hooking him up with an old flame. it's about helping him get what he truly wants, if felsi will have him back, and a second chance at a life that will make him genuinely happy. in the awakening dlc, his personal mission then is about balancing the person orzammar made him into with having a family. everything that happened in orzammar has left a mark on him; settling down completely may never be possible for him. he feels like killing is all he's good at, and now he has joined the wardens as well, but with the right encouragement, he can embrace fatherhood.

it may not be the most picture-perfect ending, but it works. oghren has gotten to make choices for himself, and the grey wardens provide him an outlet, give him the chance to still fight orzammar's main enemy on his own terms, and to fight along comrades who are all equal, who see him as a brother-in-arms without any politics, expectations, or additional obligations in play.

in the oghren the family man quest, when encouraged to stay in touch with his family, oghren says:

Oghren: And hey, (chuckles) the little one will grow up thinking Daddy's a great hero.

and maybe that is all oghren needs to be happy, in the end, after giving all of himself to every fight he has faced: to be seen as a hero.

[sapphic-scarlet-dynast]

I've recently been thinking about what kind of Exalts the Dragon Age Origins companions would be, so I decided to make a post about it. (And yes, this is inspired by the recent Dungeon Meshi/Exalted posts)

Alistair was hard for me to pin down, but he kind of gives me Fire Aspect Dragon Blooded vibes. Obviously a Lost Egg/Outcaste because of his backstory, but also because his ass is absolutely not built for Dynast high society.

Morrigan is absolutely a No Moon Lunar. She's a shapeshifting sorcerer who grew up outside of "civilized" society and is into magic deemed forbidden; very strong Lunar vibes.

Leliana is definitely a Night Caste Solar, girl was/is a spy and is an idealist who is absolutely dedicated to trying to make the world a better place. Classic Night Caste material.

Zevran is a Wood Aspect Dragon Blood. He's an assassin who enjoys the thrill of the kill, sex, and the other pleasures of life. Also an Outcaste like Alistair.

Sten gave me a bit of trouble at first, but then I realized that he's absolutely an Earth Aspect Dragon Blooded. A mostly stoic warrior who clings to the traditions of his people and believes those ways are the best.

Wynne, with all her tales and attempts at guidance, gives me Adamant Caste Alchemical Vibes.

Oghren is gross, and I hate him, so he doesn't get to be an Exalt.

Shale was impossible for me to pin down tbh, so I'm gonna be lazy and say that she would be an Exigent of some sort. Probably chosen by the God of Pigeon Killing.

Loghain is 100% an Azimuth Caste Infernal. He's a victim of war, suffering atrocities at the hands of the Orlesians occupying his homeland, who later helped free Fereldan from Orlais, and then later let his understandable hatred of Orlais blind him and ended up becoming a tyrant himself. (Though he would also make a good Dawn Caste Solar.)

Honestly, Loghain is a pretty good example of how an Infernal can be a hero and later a villain imo.

Hopefully, this post finds anyone else who is both a fan of Exalted and Dragon Age.

[vigilskeep]

wait when were zev and anders called slurs? :o i haven't played any mlm romance!

homophobia banter highlight reel i guess. shoutout to seb for making it on here because varric has something deeply wrong with him and is exclusively homophobic to the one of like two not openly bisexual people in his friend group

in general my point is that like. this was homophobic. if people didnt. uh. clock that oghren’s violent reactions and references to manskirt-wearing freaks were that. i’m using oghren as my main example because he’s the most overt. (generally orzammar’s dedication to lineage throughout the castes seems to give it more rigid gender and sexuality roles; there’s also significantly more overt sexism.) with zev and anders, it’s also compounded by fantasy racism and prejudice, in particular that male elves and male mages are both seen as effeminate in southern thedas. this isn’t just oghren. uh, for example, if a male hawke romances anders or fenris, gamlen, who iirc is as directly homophobic as it gets in da2, will make the comment “i guess i don’t have to ask which one of you’s the girl”. he’ll also make a fetishising comment about female hawke and isabela

otherwise. uh what might people not have clocked. zevran only flirts with a female warden in his introductory scene, due to his real, not unfounded concern that it will make a male warden more uncomfortable with him and, let’s not put too fine a point on it, thus more likely to kill him. zevran’s discussion of being bisexual himself is incredibly loaded and as i recall involves a fair bit of internalised something. from my delvings into the toolset, if you romance him as a man, you seem to have countless opportunities to break off the relationship specifically saying it’s because you’re both men and you can’t do this, including as late as the second time he offers you the earring. generally the male warden romancing zevran has a lot of internalised homophobia coded dialogue options when you ask him about his sexuality and when others ask you about the relationship—you can express dismay that zevran has told anyone, for example, while asking leliana not to say anything—and it’s fairly heavily implied that you’re likely to be more unfamiliar with such things

with anders, the most glaring example off the top of my head is that he doesn’t tell female hawkes about karl. a lot of the gendered differences in the anders romances are from homophobia/biphobia on a writing level as well, but considering that we’re not buying into “playersexual” nonsense i think it’s also fair to read this in-world as anders choosing not to bring that up to a woman who’s interested in him/someone he doesn’t know he has this in common with. the dialogue again treats anders as more experienced and gives male hawkes the opportunity to act surprised/uncertain even when they are the one to flirt first

this is basically just. if you didn’t clock that, that’s going on here! in general, heterosexuality is an assumed norm in thedas, and particularly characters coded as andrastian and fairly naive/inexperienced like alistair or bethany will express surprise or confusion about it and not pick up on implications. particularly noble characters will be expected to continue bloodlines and make political unions, for example, the inability of a female warden to marry anora or a male warden to marry alistair, even though it’s possible to do the m/f version of those political marriages without any kind of romance. that’s a pragmatic concern about the succession in a world that values bloodlines and thus comes with a certain heteronormativity. at the same time, there’s not so deep a stigma as you might expect if directly translating from our world, so to speak; it’s much more about the hope of continuing families and the importance of that in this world than there seeming to be any kind of explicit religious stigma? although it should be noted that the andrastian story focuses on andraste and the maker in what is treated as an m/f marriage and might be considered an ideal

for example, leandra will make an offhand, semi-teasing comment about finding hawke an opposite gender spouse, which i think is her hope of hawke managing to settle into kirkwall noble society and continue the family line when there is, in most worldstates, little to no hope of the other surviving hawke sibling having children. but at the same time, she’s casually accepting of hawke being in a queer relationship, will lightly mention it in dialogue, and makes no comment about anders or merrill moving in. i’d take that as kind of a baseline level of understanding for southern thedas, though it also varies from nation to nation, culture to culture, person to person, and class to class

i hope that makes it clearer ??

[girlb0yfriend]

well anyway. canon worldstate romances i think

dao - zevran and morrigan (shoutout to mods) (also my warden Was mid-leliana romance but that got. cut short. hahah.)

da2 - isabela (was gonna use mods and romance anders as well because i want to see his romance butttt i just don’t think his romance works for this hawke. think i was trying to force it and i should just make a new hawke to try out the andersmance)

dai - josephine

datv - very tentatively saying emmrich. could still go bellara but. i think it’s emmrich.

also if ur curious. warrior tabris. tentatively going warrior hawke as well (mightttt switch to mage i dunno…… i like carver and hawke’s dynamic a Little more but i think bethany fits into this hawke’s arc a little better. and i do love her. we shall see….). mage trevelyan. andddd warrior ingellvar. shoutout to dragon age warriors i <3 the warrior class forever.

also while we’re here i Am still thinking about the consequences of my tabris and steve existing in the same worldstate Specifically from a leliana angle…… lyrium ghost leliana is sooo fun since assuming i stick with in hushed whispers (since i do plan at Some point to try champions of the just….. i’ve heard good things….). Anyway . yeah leliana sacrificing herself in the future during in hushed whispers was like a defining character moment for steve and leliana is someone he looks up to a lot. and probably the person he’s closest to besides josephine and sera. so that with the lyrium ghost angle is. something to think about!

god tangential side note thinking about steve and sera makes me ILL like that’s his best friend…………..

actually. that makes me think. who are my protags best friends…… my tabris ummm. doesn’t have all that many options. she’s dating two of them, two of them are either gone/dead…… leaving oghren sten alistair and shale i believe. think it’s a toss-up between alistair and sten…… alistair and her got along really well at first but they hit a rough patch…… iirc my girl fucked up and had no option but to kill connor. really awesome. they Do end up moving past that but it’s like. it’s a moment. STEN though…… i mean they have a fight too and it’s really poorly timed (rightttt in the middle of that awful stretch of time where things keep getting worse. actually the reason sten was in the party on the way to the sacred ashes in the first place to trigger that fight was because my tabris and alistair had just fought about the connor thing. so alistair was swapped out for sten who was swapped out for leliana after their fight, even though it was settled. just to give sten time to cool off and also because my tabris could Not deal with anyone else challenging her judgement right then. Lol. Lmao even . Does she know…….). ANYWAY yeah there Is actually a lot of respect between sten and my tabris (please ignore that i keep calling her that i can’t acknowledge that i named her after sylvain fire emblem. i can’t do that right now .)

ANYWAY. my hawke’s best friend is probably sebastian….. once again want to see how sebastian’s arc actually plays out but. Yeah i think it’s sebastian. andddd my rook. um. probably bellara if i don’t end up romancing her? or maybeeee neve? once i picked up emmrich he kind of took over her spot in the party, and i’ve mostly been using bellara or occasionally taash in the second slot……. i don’t knowww.

also thinking about how my protags would get along (something i have surprisingly not thought about before)…. picturing my tabris and steve interacting is really really funny to me because my tabris is just like. she’s unpleasant 😍 and really creepy she drank a lot of different cups of blood and now she’s creepy. meanwhile steve is like. pleasant and agreeable for the most part and he doesn’t really know what’s going on ever and his hobbies include jumping on the bed. Do think he’d be pissed about the leliana thing. he Would be pissed about that.

gonna have to finish the game and see where my rook ends up before deciding where he factors into things…. and honestly i should do a replay of da2 as well to solidify my hawke’s characterization as well……. still haven’t played all the way through with sebastian as a party member.

ANYWAY. this has just been me rambling about my worldstate i think. got off topic. wellll…. enjoy 😁!

[aces-to-apples]

Tell us your thoughts on Oghren 👀

He’s my best friend, he’s my pal, he’s my homeboy, he's my rotten soldier, he's my sweet cheese, he's my good time boy. He's my comrade-in-arms who thanks me for reminding him what honor is and vows to be the warrior I taught him to be (I am a rogue). He's my sad-sack uncle who drinks to cope with being socially pressured into becoming a Berserker, reliant upon blinding rage in battle, and then being ostracized and practically stripped of his caste for accidentally killing an opponent in a Proving when he has literally no way to put the brakes on the killing rage he was made to cultivate. He makes misogynistic comments because that's how he was taught to treat women but he still speaks fondly of Branka—who despised him, cheated on him, and then left him in Orzammar while stealing the rest of their House and killing them in the Deep Roads—and respects her lover Hespith, his own lover Felsi, Wynne, Morrigan, Sigrun, Velanna, and a female Warden. He makes homophobic comments but holds nothing against queer people and is open to non-traditional sex acts if his partner is interested in them. He's bisexual and has no fucking idea. He thanks the Warden for being his friend and treating him with respect even though he feels he doesn't deserve it and is used to being casually degraded and disrespected by his own people. He dropped his baby twice (I dropped both my nieces more than that lol) and fled his family to become a Grey Warden because he was terrified of genuinely hurting his child with his inexperience and ineptitude and is deeply insecure about it. He drunkenly asks the Warden for a pony because Branka used to collect figurines and he still loves her in some way. He considers insulting banter a form of bonding, both with friends and lovers, and also blushes and stutters and is pleased when the Warden is openly friendly and complimentary. He's doing his best with the shitty tools he's been given, and knows that he needs to improve, but he doesn't know how to do that himself. He genuinely loves drinking and booze of all kinds as a hobby and is so fucking pleased when Wynne takes his offer of taste-testing his brew seriously and professionally breaks down its composition and flavors. He respects Tranquil mages when even other mages don't because he may not understand what Tranquility means but he damn well knows that they're people. When boisterous and over-the-top when you first give him specialized gifts and then when you're actual friends he switches to being genuinely touched and grateful. He wants to drive a war-chariot pulled by mabari and tries multiple times to convince Dog that it's a good idea. He hates the Fade, and dreaming, and the first time he's in the Fade he politely asks you if it's okay if he throws up, and the second time he panickedly asks you why you keep bringing him there and is best calmed down when you promise that he's allowed to kill stuff as a grounding technique. He's ride-or-die, genuinely and without hesitation. He loves you. And I'm like the only person who genuinely loves him back.

[chichiricatsan]

More about Eilin under the cut if anyone's interested! :)

Eilin's Origins Tapestry Here!

Pic sources are from Pexels ~ [ 1 ] | [ 2 ] | [ 3 ] | [ 4 ] | [ 5 ]~ The two quote pics are from Pinterest. The others were all taken/edited by me from the Dragon Age games themselves.

Name Pronunciation: Eilin is pronounced as AYLehn

AY       is pronounced as                     ie         in tie

L          is pronounced as                     l           in let

eh        is pronounced as                     e          in pet

n          is pronounced as                     n          in no

Gender: Genderfluid/Non-Binary ~ AFAB (assigned female at birth, female anatomy) ~ they/them pronouns (will also accept he/she pronouns since they’re fluid).

Orientation: Pansexual.

Age: 24/25 (Origins, 9:30 Dragon) ~ 35/36 (Inquisition, 9:41 Dragon)

Class: Rogue ~ Longsword/dagger combo (preferred) or dual daggers

Specializations: Ranger ~ Duelist ~ Legionnaire Scout

Name of Their Mabari: Samwise. The hound was cheekily named after one of their favorite characters in one of their favorite pieces of human literature. They remain steadfast companions to this day.

Romance: Zevran ~ He tried to kill them…TRIED being the operative word. Even so, Eilin was impressed by how close he came to accomplishing his mission, and quickly grew attached to the Antivan Crow right from their first mouthy meeting. They saw much of themselves in the man and found a kinship with him early on. Their romance is a slow burn as they both must try to heal past scars and allow themselves to fully open up to their growing feelings for one another. After the Fifth Blight is ended, they stay together and travel Thedas in search of a cure for The Calling whilst enjoying the pleasures of each other and the world with their earned freedoms, helping others when and where they can…maybe with a bit of profit as well ;)

Besties: - Alistair ~ Their first companion and Grey Warden ally who became like a little brother to them. Even though Eilin is more mature and straightforward than him, they share similar senses of humor, and Eilin sees the good (and deflections) in him after so much discontent with the hand the world has dealt him, a sentiment they deeply share amongst others. Despite Eilin’s doting on him, they do not coddle him, but instead try to talk him up and show him what a great warrior and person he is and could be, giving Alistair confidence to stand up for himself and push him to possibly become Ferelden’s king—though that path is decided against for several reasons. Alistair and Eilin share a true and lasting friendship to the present day.

- Shale ~ Witty, dry-humored, gemstone-loving bestie! They share a deeper disconnect to their home away from home and instead find connection in each other…through shiny things and crushing Darkspawn heads. Eilin finds Shale (and golems in general) interesting, though their curiosity is stemmed after The Anvil of the Void scenario. Eilin supports Shale’s free will and ability to find purpose in their new life outside the parameters of expectations, as they have done. The one thing they disagree on is the destruction of the pigeon population, Eilin believing that even the most vexing of feathered defecating devils need love, too.

- Oghren ~ A respected warrior of merit and a fun drinking buddy, within reason of course. Eilin tries to keep him on track with his alcoholism and with Felsi and being a good, if absent, father. They are glad to continue their friendship into the Awakening escapades.

- Anders ~ These two share excessive, fun personalities that color the Awakening experience for everyone…or cause a massive amount of scoffs and eyerolls. Anders became another (albeit, more powerful and self-aware) little brother figure for them to watch over and support. Frankly, Anders became the one who watched over Eilin and educated them on the harsher side of things regarding The Circle, a welcomed perspective for the Hero of Ferelden that strengthened their positivity towards mages and distrust & dislike of the Chantry and its oppressive systems. They both dote on Ser Pounce-a-Lot, and when Anders is forced to give him up, he contacts Eilin to keep him at Weisshaupt as the mouser for the fortress’s larders. Aside from that, Eilin takes care of the precious little furball because they love animals and cares about Anders, even after what befell Kirkwall’s chantry.

- Sigrun ~ A respected Legionnaire scout with a heart of gold that bonded with them over their time in Awakening. As someone who’s always held The Legion in high regard, Eilin appreciates Sigrun’s goals and learns some of Sigrun’s tricks of the trade in Awakening.

Frenemies: - Morrigan ~ While gaining a better understanding of her and mages through their journey, The Dark Ritual’s revelation had their trust for the woman plummeting. Still, Eilin could see and understand Morrigan’s proposition held more than what she was outright revealing, especially with the two’s overall friendship they’d formed and Morrigan’s feelings about Flemeth and her ways. Eilin decided to kill the old woman to gain Morrigan’s favor and rid the world of a powerful maleficar…for now. It was having the former topic’s discussion with Alistair that really threw things into a spiral, but they were all in agreement in the end. Alistair and Eilin’s bonds of friendship carried them through the decision to take Morrigan’s offer. Eilin pursued Morrigan later on to try and check on her and gain some kind of answers, but the woman continued to successfully elude them.

- Wynne ~ While Eilin respects the woman and appreciates her skill and experience, they find her air of superiority hard to tolerate and often feel that Wynne speaks down to them and lectures far too often on things that aren’t her business…specifically on their relationship status with Zevran.

- Velanna ~ The Dalish mage was too hotheaded and closeminded for them to fully get along, but Eilin tried to understand where she was coming from nonetheless, sharing a mutual feeling of wanting to protect/save their sibling(s) no matter the cost.

Enemies: - Loghain & Rendon Howe ~ For the man who helped free Ferelden from Orlesian rule and was held in such high regard, Eilin expected more from him, especially with what went down at Ostagar. And for Loghain to allow a cave tick like Howe to run around behind the scenes and make things all the worse threw their opinion of them both over the edge into revenge territory, almost feeling as strongly as Alistair on the whole matter. In the end, Eilin ended Howe’s life, and they allowed Alistair to challenge and deliver the final blow to the man who they believe deserved a punishment befitting of him. What could be more fitting than decapitation at the hands of his best friend’s bastard son? Poetic justice, they’d call it.

- Isolde & Eamon ~ Teagan rides a fine line being listed here as well, being Eamon’s brother and sharing his sibling’s sentiments, but Isolde is on a whole other level of insufferable to Eilin. Not only was she irresponsible with her own son and refused to acknowledge his budding mage powers that put the entire village of Redcliffe under siege to the undead, but her purposeful mistreatment of Alistair—all rooted around a rumor—and Eamon’s conscious negligence of him and the situation also solidified their hatred of these two. They never said so aloud to Alistair who seemed conditioned/content to be grateful to his abusers in one way or another, but Eilin was good at being subtle.

- Sten ~ Eilin tried to understand and be patient with the Qunari and the concepts of the Qun, but felt Sten’s creed to be too akin to that of the unforgiving casteless system in Orzammar. Later, they butt heads over the whole “you look like a woman” conversation, which left Eilin in a foul, murderous mood. Then, Sten’s constant scrutiny toward them and their ability to lead finally resulted in a confrontation in the village of Haven leaving the qunari at the business end of their blades. Sten surrendered, but Eilin “kindly” asked Sten to leave the team for good. They’d had enough.

- Leske ~ Sadly, this was one person Eilin was not expecting to be their enemy. Ever. Perhaps they were in love with him and always had been. Perhaps they were to remain only friends with (past) benefits who could tell each other anything. Perhaps they were only Carta thugs united under the stresses of everyday life in Dust Town, watching each other��s backs on principle alone. Perhaps Leske only really wanted to get close to Rica, as more than his jokes would imply. Perhaps Leske truly, finally gave in to the Carta’s whims, being sucked back into its seedy underbelly all because of monetary gain. Or, perhaps, it was all of the above…along with a helping of jealousy on Leske’s end. Whatever the case, this loss for Eilin changed them significantly, and is an ever-present bruise on their heart. They have moved on, but if pressed upon, it aches.

Do They Follow A Religion? The Stone ~ Though most dwarves do not believe casteless to be favored or even acknowledged by The Stone, Eilin still believes and keeps their faith in mind, not outwardly expressing it unless it’s brought up. It was something they held onto those long and lonely days in Orzammar under the Carta’s thumb, for themselves and their family.

Strengths: - Adaptable. - Confident, even if they “fake it ‘til they make it.” - Able to think on their feet and keep their cool when necessary. Subtlety can be the key to victory. - Great leadership and enforcer skills, uses a mix of persuasive and intimidating tactics. - Though logical and pragmatic at their core, they can and will tap into their emotional reserves to be a better leader/friend (this is a progressive trait gained through their DA:Origins journey).

Weaknesses: - Their sharp & droll tongue can get them into trouble/offend others. - Masking to fit in, leading to varying sorts of discontent. - Sometimes they're a bit too lethargic, but a personal side effect of The Joining for them is heavy fatigue. - Blunt without tact, their Carta life rearing its ugly head at times. This also can result in a lack of giving second chances with some people. - Flirty and wanton, but truly emotionally distant, craving a real chance at romance and love, but fearing it at the same time, not wanting to be hurt or left behind. This is especially true after dealing with Leske and the Carta in Orzammar.

Personal Issues: - Letting go of the past and betrayal(s). - Allowing themselves to make mistakes without fear of cruel/unusual punishment (mainly to their family who are now safe with a net of nobility with Bhelen). - Aligning themselves with true love and relationships, romantic or otherwise. - Changing and growing out of their Carta (and other) personas to find themselves and their true values.

Hobbies/Talents: - Stone/gem carving - Weapon care, and blade engraving for extra flair. - Reading human literature/fiction. - Collecting a variety of bits and baubles. - Drinking anyone up to the challenge under the table with their high alcohol tolerance.

Likes: - Colors: Purples, slivers/ice blues, golds, oranges, and greens – cooler/cold and nature-esque shades.

- Layers of clothing. It lets them feel safer and more guarded. Plus, they like cooler weather, so it stands to reason they’d need more layers.

- The changing seasons. Winter and spring and the petrichor smell that comes with the snow and rains, autumn and the colors, and the familiar dryness and heat of summer keep them from feeling too homesick.

- The surface world in general and the freedom and opportunities that come with it. The adventure of it all keeps them going, as does the elf they share their journeys with. 💖

- Animals! They become a ranger class for a reason, not only seeing animals as opportunistic companions for battles, but also because Eilin gains an affinity for them. Still, they’ll always love giant spiders the most and summons one (christened “Nid”) to ride as their preferred steed.

- Gemstones, trinkets, and human literature. More often than not, the books, bits, and baubles they collected were spoils of Carta shakedowns gone south, some regrettably so. Some were trophies of success, others a kind of “memento mori.” They kept them all, nonetheless. (Think of them as a somewhat morbid Ariel from Disney’s The Little Mermaid lol).

- Passionate artisans of their crafts/pursuits, whatever that may be as long as it isn’t hurting/impeding others. This stems from their observations of the better side of the pride of the caste system. Even casteless, Eilin can see and appreciate the efforts their fellow kin put into their lifelong works. This is a big reason why she helps Dagna out of Orzammar to pursue her dream of working with The Circle of Magi. Zevran being passionate about being an assassin is also a good example, as is Wade’s need of perfection with his armor making in Denerim.

Dislikes: - Animal abuse of any kind. - Petty political/noble affairs. - Willful ignorance. - Lack of flexibility in and around rigid systems. - People unwilling to have a little fun/laugh at themselves

Scars/Blemishes: - Their brand tattoo on the right cheek (the design extends upward over the right eye, but cannot be seen in original Origins screenshots and was not available in Inquisition’s tattoo selections, sadly. I’ll have to draw them sometime to show off my personal vision of them lol). - Scars on right side of face, ear, and neck (Inquisition screens) that they received from skirmishes with the werewolves from the “Nature of the Beast” quest and other various fights. - Various moles/beauty marks. - Dryer skin patches from exposure to Dust Town and Orzammar’s environment in general.

Their Origins/Awakening Journey: - The Broken Circle: Sided with the mages and Irving survived the final fight with Uldred.

- The Arl of Redcliffe: Redcliffe was fully saved and Connor & Isolde lived with the help of the mages.

- A Paragon of Her Kind: Sided with Caridin, destroyed the Anvil of the Void, and Bhelen rules Orzammar.

- Nature of the Beast: Brokered peace between the elves and the werewolves.

- The Urn of Sacred Ashes: The Urn was protected.

- The Landsmeet: Loghain was defeated and executed by Alistair, Anora rules Ferelden.

- Was The Dark Ritual Performed?: Yes, (sadly for Eilin) by Alistair. It took a long talk and trust for these two friends to allow Morrigan's ritual to take place. 😞

- Warden’s Keep DLC: Sophie was killed and Avernus is alive with permission to continue his research, but it must be kept ethical. Eilin drank the strange concoction and unlocked the power of blood.

- Dragon Age Awakening: Vigil’s Keep and Amaranthine were saved, Nathaniel is alive and well, Oghren and Felsi reconciled, but are separated, and The Architect is dead.

[strawberry-halla]

one thing that i’m so normal about is the awakening companions.

anders has always been iconic but he’s so playful! just some guy passionate about mages rights but also the resident funny man! his banter with nathaniel and oghren just scream younger brother energy. his shameless flirting is also just hilarious. the banter he has with justice is also so insanely good. like you can tell the beginnings of their eventual merge is slowly building. i especially love the banter where justice questions why anders doesn’t try to help the mages more and anders just brushes him off like ‘nah i’m good.’ then da2 happens. surely nothing will go wrong :)

nathaniel’s evolution is also so interesting. he doesn’t know the reality of what happened to his father, he just knows the warden killed him for ‘getting too caught up in politics.’ but then he learns from his sister and those around him that his father was truly evil. rendon wanted power and nothing else. he was a terrible man even during nate’s childhood but nathaniel still looked up to him because rendon was his father. but then nate turns around and apologizes to the warden and realizes that he was unfair to them. it’s almost mirroring anora and loghain in a way? at least i feel like it does.

oghren was also just a super nice but strange come back, because he’s a pretty dated companion in terms of appropriate dialogue and manner. i like him well enough but he’s no alistair or morrigan (for me a least). it’s cool how you can see his turmoil but he tries to hide it because he doesn’t understand himself and his feelings sometimes. he’s not a super tragic character, but he went through a lot in such a short time even before you meet him in orzammar. i love convincing him to be a good dad. because even though oghren may not be the best person, he wants to try. and i think that’s enough for him.

i think a lot of people mischaracterize velanna as the ‘blinded by hatred’ dalish elf narrative. the dalish are people who have lost much and some make peace with it and do what they can, but it’s nice to see the ones that fight back against the past. velanna learns from her mistakes, her hatred for humans is valid but she learns that it costed her everything, and she can stand up for herself and do what’s right to mend the wounds that came from those mistakes. i am super sad they never brought her back. she’s very similar to morrigan in a way, and i think she wasn’t given a fair shake by the fandom and devs alike. there’s so much you can miss about her if you just don’t bring her along or explore more dialogue options.

sigrun is also super interesting in the sense that she’s such a young soul. she’s quirky and loves shiny things and mundane gifts that she never got to experience as a casteless dwarf. it’s super sad to me at least that she is so eager to accept her death. it’s not like she’s trying to actively get herself killed, but she tells the warden that she has her duty to the legion of the dead first because she owed them everything. i know the warden can try to convince her to stick around, but sigrun still chooses to die an early death to the darkspawn because of her allegiance to the legion. i just wish she could’ve lived a longer life with the grey wardens and made a new family from them.

justice’s descent into the worldly lives of mankind is….really scary, from what happens in da2. first you meet him in the fade and he’s content to just help the people of the blackmarsh and then go on his way. but then he gets trapped in the real world in another man’s body, and from what we know from spirits in inquisition, it’s almost like justice is already too far gone just from being brought into the world. even though cole, who in the same vain, chose to come to thedas, it feels like the spirit of compassion was sticking to its nature. justice talks about all the worldly things he starts wanting. when you meet kristoff’s wife, aura, justice admits that he wished to experience love and he was afraid of that wish, asking the warden if wanting such a thing was bad for him. and it is! justice turns to vengeance in da2 because he gets so obsessed into wanting to ‘right the wrongs’ and ‘experience worldly things’. and i know it’s all up in the air with justice, but it’s just crazy you can even see the beginnings of justice’s corruption before he even merges with anders. it’s almost if justice was doomed as soon as he stopped to help the humans trapped in blackmarsh.

but yeah i’m almost done with awakening and it’s just so….amazing… i’m so late to the party but yeah awakening my beloved!!!

[green-ray-blog1]

The Prince

It's 1-1, now, between Harrowmont and Bhelen and hardcore supporters of both are now jumping Darrian and his party in the streets of Orzammar. For his next errand, Harrowmont wants Branka found. Oh, right, the paragon who invented smokeless coal (which sounds straight up magical), then took her house to the Deep Roads, and didn’t come back. Well, if Darrian found the Urn of Sacred Ashes, he can probably find Branka, or what’s left of her. But now, Bhelen wants to talk face to face, since we did his dirty work, and oh he is one slimy bastard. It's like he can’t even be bothered to put up appearances. And that’s the guy who’s gonna help the casteless ? He wants Branka found, too, but he only wants her back if she supports him. The guy definitely murdered his dad. Well Darrian’s not doing the killing political opponents (wait, did the Carta count ?), so he’ll improvise when he’ll get there, and, again, Branka might be dead already.

First, though, Alistair and Wynne apparently have a lot to ask Morrigan about her love life. Several things : First, Darrian is right there, so it’s a bit hurtful when you guys are talking like he’s just Morrigan’s thrall, now. Second, looks like neither of you have seen how much of a dork she is, and thus how funny that makes you sound. Now, to be fair, Darrian did agree to kill Flemeth for Morrigan, and it is possible she might have been lying about the whole body-jacking thing, but honestly, it’d be a really good act. Ah, whatever, you know what, this is fine, it’s all part of the plan. See, when Darrian has retired in the Korcari wilds, and he goes grocery shopping in nearby villages, there’s bound to be some dumbass shems that’ll be all like “Hey fuck you knife-ears !”, but then their buddy will be like “Dude, shut up, that’s the Wicked Witch of the Wild’s boyfriend ! You wanna get turned into a spider ?” It's perfect.

Then we meet Oghren, Branka’s husband, left behind when she took the rest of the house. He really wants to come along and, uh, well, sure. He seems pretty on edge about the whole thing, which is fair. Shale is also here. Their mage had mentioned finding them in a place related to dwarves, so maybe we’ll see something interesting. Now, it’s off to the Deep Roads

***Bonus content!!!***

Hi my name is Darrian Tabris and I have short black hair and pointy ears and a lot of people tell me I look like Shianni (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Zevran, but I wish I was cause he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a grey warden, but that’s just until the Blight is over. I’m also a rogue and I got Isabela to teach me how to duel. I’m an elf (in case you couldn’t tell), and I wear mostly light armor. I love Wade’s Emporium and I buy all my clothes from there. For example, today, I was wearing the felon’s coat. I was walking outside the Alienage. It was like everywhere in Ferelden, smelling like wet dog, which I was very happy about. A lot of city guards stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

[salemcantupdate]

Dragon age ask game!: 1,2,3,4,6,13,23!

Oh!!! So many! Ok here goes

1. Opinions on Orlais

Surana is disdainful for nobility and the chantry in general, and Orlais being so entrenched in those things doesn’t make Surana like them much. Like yeah he’s Ferelden and loves his dogs, but that’s not the source of his disdain. Hawke meanwhile does dislike them entirely because he is Ferelden, he’s a dog lover and they’re all poncy little shits. And finally Cadash also thinks they’re poncy, but they’re overall neutral. Orlais is useful, if annoying.

2. Are they skilled in The Game?

Surana is fantastic! He knows when to speak and when to be quiet, but ignore the mild headache you might get, ignore his long sleeves, it’s fine. Promise! Meanwhile Hawke is shit at it, but he’s fucking terrifying. So you don’t want to be on his bad side cause he’d likely just kill you for it. And finally Cadash, they’re ok at it, not the best at the talking aspect but fantastic at blackmailing. So it all works out!

3. Opinion on blood magic?

Surana believes blood magic is the same as any other magic, it is powerful, it is useful. And he needs it, so he will use it. Hawke is the opposite, he sees it as dangerous, a threat that should be stamped out. It’s why he began taking lyrium to be a Templar, so he could resist it. The only blood mage he trusts is Merrill. Cadash meanwhile is overall neutral. It’s all weird magic shit, but they’re smart enough to know that with the Inquisition it can’t be used. Not like they can use it anyhow.

4. Attitude towards Andrastianism?

Surana is full blown atheist, he doesn’t believe in the Maker, he does recognize the ashes but is overall suspicious, and as I said he fucking hates the Chantry. Hawke does follow the Chant however, he believes and prays, goes to mass every now and then. Cadash meanwhile goes through an arc. At first they’re overall pretty neutral, it’s just the human religion, but as they become the Herald they start to believe it, kind of. But yeah they end up having a way more complicated relationship, which makes sense! They are the Herald after all.

6. Attitudes towards the Qun?

Surana has a complicated relationship, he was very close with Sten, and hearing many of the beliefs he rather liked it. Of course, he’s a mage, so there is no chance of him converting. But he respects it, understands it. Hawke considers them inhuman monsters, rather racist about it all tbh, but he hates them. Cadash also has complex feelings though, they became friends with Bull, and then saved the Chargers and watchers Bull become Tal-Vashoth. But at the end of the day, the Qun are a powerful ally and a dangerous enemy.

13. Thoughts on the Grey Warden order?

Surana at first likes the wardens a fare amount, but things get harder as he becomes more official and learns of other sects. The fact that it is traditional for each group of wardens to only have 1 mage? The fact that many of the warden higher ups were angered by his decision to spare the Architect? What he learns during that time? And now he seeks a cure. It’s complicated, but at the end of the day they are his people, and he is a warden before he is a mage, a warden before he is an elf. Hawke meanwhile doesn’t trust them, first everything he learns from Anders doesn’t sound great, next he was on the battlefield and saw the Wardens in the tower were late and then Loghain betrayed him, and finally the whole shit with his father and Coryphyshit.

23. Do they have, or want to have, children?

Surana has a child with Morrigan! Kieran is also the old god baby. He also has technically ended up adopting a dwarf kid (you know that woman in Orzammar who promises you her child when he comes to age?). And he’s also kind of a godfather to Oghren’s little blighted with Felsi. He never considered having children before all of this, he barely had an interest in sex or romance and then he ended up being gay. So children? So it’s funny that he has the most kids! Hawke has no kids, he doesn’t really want kids due to his own childhood, and he was also with Anders, so… not happening. And finally Cadash! They do want kids, but during the course of DAI they don’t have any. I might decide that they’ll have kids after? I do know however that they consider Sera and Cole their kiddos, kind of.

[jedlknight]

first time through origins! congrats!! who did you romance? which race/background did you pick?

ahh, thank you!

i went in fully knowing that i was probably going to romance alistair or zevran, but i was a city elf and desperately wanted to avoid a decision that i knowwwww is coming in DAI, so i romanced zev!

but also honestly. he made that decision really easy the second he started flirting with me while he was still sprawled on the ground after i kicked his ass when he tried to kill me. i adore him so much and i think he fits my city elf Kallya very well. i was also a rogue so the two of us were just absolute menaces half the time lmao

i ran zevran, alistair, and wynne like 90% of the time unless it was plot relevant to run somebody else. i do really adore all of the companions though, even if oghren was… a very acquired taste. they’re all my friends :))

i know most of the major plot points of all the games, but it’s still really different actually playing through them. i’m having fun! the brain rot is already immense though lol

i’m going to play through awakening and then move on to da2. the goal is to make it through DAI before veilguard which… i’ll probably manage tbh.

here’s my standard party with a wonderful personality shot with the grand oak in the forests lol

[deusexlachina]

Antisocial DAO Part 10 (Deep Roads): Meet my evil kindred spirit

In which I finally get my perfect army: one that requires no social skills to command.

In the Deep Roads, I meet Ruck, who has the same disease I had. He is the only merchant in these tunnels, so he's very useful. But he fears you, so you have to pass a social check.

Hm. No merchant for me, right? But I still remember the lesson I learned from Ser Carroll: tenacity is a substitute for social graces. I leave the conversation, then come back, by which time (seconds later) he has grown used to me, and very quickly he calls me a friend. Aw.

I can't convince him to go back to the surface, but I can at least take a look at his stock. He's got some nice stuff - a magic belt, infinite deep mushrooms...

I lick my elven lips. The Dalish love deep mushrooms as much as elfroots. They make our people stronger. Like Popeye. This is not as good a deal as the elfroots, but I Am A Grey Warden with stuff to do, so I can't backtrack to the Dalish camp. Now it's mushroom time, and I buy them by the thousand. Despite his sickness, Ruck has cornered the deep mushroom market and has, by the time he's done with me, become one of the richest people in Thedas.

After numerous pitched battles, I finally meet Branka, who is sick of politics and maneuvering and wants to defeat the darkspawn by finding a superweapon, the Anvil of the Void. Her tolerance for social graces is fairly limited. A woman after my own heart.

She seals me inside, forcing me to fight my way through layers of ancient magical defences to access the Anvil. Since this directly contributes to my mandate, she could have just asked, but She Is Socially Inept.

When I reach the Anvil, it is guarded by its creator, Caridin. He explains that it turns people into enormous badass immortal robots [bad]. It all seemed so harmless - he never expected he'd be turned into a robot!

But I've suffered the taint, seen the suffering of the world's greatest mushroom merchant, and watched good men like Soldier and Tower Guard senselessly slaughtered. Hell, on the way here I had to kill a lady who ate her own husband's face and turned into a huge monster. Such fates await any number of people if the Blight is not stopped - and are they any better than being a cool as hell robot? Branka doesn't think so, and, honestly, she's a kindred spirit. I couldn't possibly kill her.

Leliana tells me this goes against everything she knows to be right, which means I lose 10 approval before she stabs the shit out of Caridin. What Leliana sometimes lacks in strength of conviction, she more than makes up for with sheer loyalty. What a great girlfriend to have.

Incidentally, 10 approval is exactly as much as you can get by gifting her an adorable "subterranean bunny-pig," so we're good. She fawns over her new pet right after killing a man in cold blood, which seems very jarring but, if you've played Inquisition, this checks out completely.

Branka offers me a favour, so I ask her to get right to work turning people into cool robots. Actually, your husband did quite a lot to help you in your quest. I think it's fair that he be first on the production line.

Of course, Branka says no to this. Not because she likes her husband, mind you, but she doesn't yet know how to turn people into robots (a minor flaw in her plan to obtain the device that turns people into robots). She suggests "we go with the crown for now," but she definitely likes what I'm putting out.

Oghren disapproves of you even suggesting this, even though he just approved of me helping Branka to use the anvil in general. He never expected he'd be turned into a robot!

[vigilskeep]

We've done this for Keir and his companions, how about Minerva and her thoughts on her own companions?

in order of when she picked them up. these are all intended to be roughly how she feels by the end of the game

alistair: minerva’s bitter and frustrated and resentful. and she’d do blood magic in front of every templar in thedas if it was necessary to come to his defence. these are not mutually exclusive

morrigan: a lot of love, a lot of gnawing worry. minerva jumped at the chance of the dark ritual so quickly she’s not sure she thought it through, she’s not sure what consequences morrigan is facing or bringing about, she’s not sure she had the chance to ask if it was truly what morrigan wanted. she misses her

leliana: a friend, but also, faith frightens minerva. and she’s always seeing leliana as lily from the mage origin. sure, you’re my companion and you have a good heart and you love me. when i lose you to the chantry will any of that matter? of course it does matter, leliana didn’t give up the warden’s location to the divine’s investigation, but minerva could never risk abandoning that wariness

sten: a great deal of mutual respect. they understand one another. she takes criticism better from him than she would from anyone else

zevran: it’s still an absurd luxury to her, to be able to love someone, to wear it openly, to not have to hide it in stolen moments under constant threat of separation, the very best she could expect in the circle. she loves him, she thinks the world of him, she would hate nothing more than to trap him beside her and is still stunned every time he chooses to be there. light of her life. let her be a sap about this one thing. the first time he comes to visit vigil’s keep she smiles so much everyone except oghren thinks she’s been possessed

wynne: minerva gets the full preachy weight of all the circle propaganda wynne tries to convince herself of, wynne in response gets all the rebellious vitriol that minerva was never able to say during her time in the circle, it’s not good at all. it’s very bad. i think they both scare each other; minerva sees the compliant circle mage she could’ve become if she’d stayed and wynne sees everything she fears if mages lose themselves to arrogance

shale: genuinely very uncomplicated friendship. minerva is kind of envious of shale, especially early on: openly saying what it thinks, openly hating what it hates. also being a golem which minerva honestly really really enjoyed in the fade lmao. she hopes it finds what it’s looking for

oghren: after overthinking every interaction she has, oghren is honestly just so straightforward to deal with. he’s loyal. he’s a weapon when she needs one. when he’s funny, she has wit enough to joke along and make it funnier, and when he’s not, she’s scary enough to make him shut up. what else do you need in a companion? honestly after awakening, where he’s the only one who knows she’s an ex(ish) blood mage, they’re pretty good friends, and they stick around in each other’s lives enough to be kind of family, given time. especially if the warden encouraging oghren to be in his kid’s life really works, bc i imagine they and minerva’s kid could easily basically grow up like cousins

loghain: nothing upsets minerva more abt loghain than how much they genuinely get along. why does it only truly feel like she’s betrayed alistair when loghain makes a dry comment and she laughs. they work well together, though, and there’s no sense in ruining that. it would be as much a waste as killing him would have been. he does his duty. they’re friends. none of it absolves him, but minerva’s a warden, not a priest. it’s her job to save worlds, not souls

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

[half agony, half hope] ch4: in the quiet desert, reminders are sought

ch1 | ch2 | ch3 | ch4 Read on AO3

Pairings: Warden!Carver/Merrill; some side M!Hawke/Anders and F!Tabris/Alistair Rating: M Chapter Summary: Having acquired confidential records from the archives of Weisshaupt Fortress, Warden-Commander Rosalie and her companions have a lead in the right direction. Unfortunately, Warden Carver won't be able to accompany them as he and his beloved companion have a long trip to Kirkwall to make, and a lot of feelings to sort out. But first: dwarven ale.

Note: I wanted to have this chapter out sooner but silly me got sick and needed some recovery time. I'm feeling better now, and was able to finally have some fun with Carver and the Grey Wardens.

I also want to note that this story takes place in my King Cailan Lives AU; it's not super relevant or important right now, but has a greater purpose in later chapters. Just throwing that out there since he's mentioned a few times. I promise it'll make sense, you just gotta stick with me! Thank you for reading!

-x-

In the southern Anderfels, there’s a desert made of dusty windstorms and prickly edges; a jagged butte rightfully called the Broken Tooth. Weeds and thick vines, some as dark as coffee grounds, others as light as tea leaves, grew all around Weisshaupt Fortress, the desert’s centerpiece. As impressive and intimidating as the Grey Wardens who occupied it.

Within the walls of stone, all decorated with elaborate tapestries that honored the order, whispers breathed new life into the stale air with piqued interest and anticipation. Not all were impressed, though; among them were a few dubious glances and cynical grumblings.

It was the second visit to the fortress made by the Hero of Fereldan; the only Grey Warden to ever kill an Archdemon, to accept the soul of an Old God within, and to survive.

An elven woman from the alienage of Denerim, conscripted upon facing execution for the murder of an Arl’s son, Warden-Commander Rosalie Tabris was a topic of speculation within the order. Most believed the story she spun for them—a witch saved her and Warden Alistair at Ostagar, and another witch’s magic ritual saved them against the archdemon.

Other’s believed it a fabrication, and spat scrutiny at the way she commanded the wardens under her at Vigil’s Keep.

But this time, Rosalie did not walk through the gates alone.

On her left was a dwarf with hair the color of fresh blood and the smell of an entire brewery on his breath; Warden Oghren, another hero of the fifth blight. On her right walked another dwarf with a casteless tattoo on her cheek, dawning armor pieced together of both Grey Warden and Legion of the Dead outfits; Warden Sigrun, recruited shortly after the Grey Wardens settled in at Vigil’s Keep.

And then there was the man who followed closely behind them with the distinctive chin and prominent dimples in his smile��Warden Carver Hawke, who towered over his companions, an impressive warrior with the silverite greatsword on his back.

And interestingly, if not amusingly, a rather large nug followed at his heels, of all things. The creature was larger than the average nug; fleshy pink with a grey patch around the right eye and a stripe down the back, creepy looking feet, and a ringlet for a tail; and had the temperament of a protective mabari.

Carver’s face was the one most at Weisshaupt recognized. Stroud brought him there as a warden still recovering from his Joining, but he had little time to form any long-lasting bonds.

Though he hadn’t intended nor expected it, Carver brought the Hero of Fereldan to Weisshaupt the first time. Rosalie showed up unannounced and demanded to see him, refusing to divulge her reasoning or say how she knew he was there at all. While questions were pressed, no one could deny her.

After speaking for only an afternoon, he agreed to go back to Fereldan with her.

Now Warden Carver served at Vigil’s Keep with great loyalty to the Hero of Fereldan and her cause, one that wasn’t so different from the order’s, but strayed enough that it had to be kept secret.

While that might’ve been a difficult task given that cause was the reason for their visit, the Grey Wardens were always good with their secrets. The wardens spent most of their visit in Weisshaupt’s expansive library, discretely inquiring after information and whispering to the shadows.

They found the information they sought, and departed in the dead of night with barely a goodbye.

-x-

Among all the coarse sand hills, insignificant boulders in every shade of brown, and the yellowing grass somehow thriving in the dry conditions, a makeshift camp was settled by the travelling Grey Wardens.

Three tents pitched around a lively fire, bags acting as extra weights to keep gusts of wind from blowing them away. The scent of dinner, a vegetable stew they scrapped together, still lingered with the smoke.  A distant howling, perhaps a wolf excited by the bright moon in the inky sky.

It would’ve been peaceful if not for Oghren’s abhorrent snoring. He didn’t even make it into his tent, but no one paid him much attention. Sigrun went to do a perimeter check, and to meet back up with Zevran, who the group hadn’t seen since he passed off stolen documents to them from the shadows.

That left Carver, his commander, and The Destroyer of Darkspawn on watch by the fire, but the most they fended off were the irritating bugs buzzing around.

Sat cross-legged on a heavy blanket a relaxed distance from the fire, Rosalie sifted through a stack of papers while Carver rested on his own blanket beside her. The Destroyer of Darkspawn—or DeeDee, if you prefer—lay at his side with her head in his lap, the heavyset nug peacefully snuffling in her sleep.

A restless night, like many, but this time it wasn’t due to the burdens of being a Grey Warden; nightmares of dripping black ichor, the screeching and gurgling of darkspawn, the whispers of broodmothers tingling behind his ear like a fingertip, tracing over the helix and down the back of his neck. It wasn’t even the buzz of new information they learned during their research that brought an anxious fluttering to his guts.

No, tonight his thoughts raced with conflicted cocktail of anticipation, enthusiasm, and dread over Kirkwall and everything that awaited him there. 

Admittedly, he thought he’d outgrown tantrums by now, but when Rosalie told him of Edgar’s letter and that she granted the request to give Carver leave, he was this close to throwing one.

With a hard tug, his hand was free of the gauntlet to rub at his face. Then off came the other, tossed over on packed bags, all stuffed with everything he and DeeDee would need for the journey and stay in the damned City of Chains.

The nug acknowledged the disturbance with a huff, long ears perking up, but relaxed when Carver soothed his hand down her pudgy back. Was it just him, or had she grown even bigger since they left Fereldan? She seemed heavier on his leg than before.

She’s definitely grown since he found her in Orzammar not that long ago. The Grey Wardens were regularly welcomed by King Bhelen for dinners and provings in their honor, and the last time Carver joined Rosalie, Alistair, and King Cailan, a “delicacy” of surface nug was on the menu.

Supposedly, DeeDee was found in the Arbor Wilds by dwarven butchers who sold exotic meats to Orzammar’s nobility, but Carver had no idea how she could feed anyone, not even a dwarf. Within the iron cage, she was a pathetic little thing like most other nugs. Noises that may have been the nug equivalent of growls emitted from her tiny body whenever anyone approached her cage. Maybe it was just chance he and Alistair happened by at the right moment, but whatever it was, he couldn’t stomach the thought of eating something so… helpless.

“Hey, distract the butchers for me. Keep their eyes off me.”

“Sure… wait, why?”

Not only did Carver gain a companion in DeeDee, who seemed to understand what fate he’d saved her from and followed him after he tried to set her free, but he also learned that Alistair made for a terrible dancer. It got the job done, though. 

DeeDee stretched out her legs and yawned, twisting to peer up at him with those beady eyes. Carver couldn’t help but grin down at her. The Destroyer of Darkspawn, as he initially named her, wasn’t the sort of companion he would’ve thought for himself, but he absolutely adored her.

Hopefully she got along with Fleabag. DeeDee and the Commander’s mabari, Griffon, often played and chased each other around the yards, but his beloved nug wasn’t exactly the friendliest creature when it came to first impressions. He didn’t want to hear Edgar complain about DeeDee beating up his dog.

Carver’s smile faltered.

Maker, he hadn’t even told his brother about DeeDee yet; hopefully his brother didn’t object Carver’s companion.

They wrote as often as they could, but Carver was far less elaborate on the fine details of his life; “Dear Edgar, how are you? Fereldan’s still Fereldan. Killed some darkspawn the other day. King Cailan visited Vigil’s Keep for dinner. Going to Orlais next week. Alistair says hello. Give my love to Mother. Your brother, Carver.”

It’s mostly because he couldn’t share certain things about the Grey Wardens, but also the vulnerability that came with sharing his life now became distressing. He knew his brother too well. Every letter Carver sent was probably waved around and shared with anyone who would listen. Not out of malicious intent, but because that’s just how Edgar was.

He always asked if Carver could come home to visit in every reply without fail, too. That part wasn’t anything new, except this time his brother changed his strategy, no doubt succeeding thanks to the sewer dweller he was smitten with, the bastard.

And given Rosalie and Alistair raised their daughter, Aria, in secret at Vigil’s Keep and often visited family in Denerim, allowed Oghren to take leaves to visit his son and ex-wife, as well as Nathaniel to see his sister… it’s unsurprising that they granted the request.

It’s not that he didn’t want to see his brother or return to Kirkwall, but Carver had a calling now. A duty to fulfil that his brother couldn’t possibly understand; to help save the world from facing the twisted corruption brought on by the taint… to make sure no one he loved ever had to face the underground horrors of broodmothers and their children, to succumb to destructive madness.

Even though the taint flowed in his blood, there was a freedom that he hadn’t felt before. Once Carver was a child with a collection of maps and flags. Now he’s a man who travels to those places he once dreamed of seeing with a purpose.

The Grey Wardens didn’t merely tolerate him. They all experienced the Joining, and witnessed the deaths of those who didn’t survive taking the taint into their bodies. All had made their own sacrifices, suffered nightmares and grief. Some bonds were stronger than others, but they all shared the same home now and there was comfort in that. Even if—even when they found the cure they sought, there was little fear in his mind that they would all part ways forgotten.

He had a Commander who recognized his worth and trusted his judgement out on the field. He had DeeDee who would follow him everywhere and looked at him with the adoration he once thought only a mabari could have. He and Alistair went for early morning runs and had afternoon tea with Aria and all her toys. Drinking contests with Oghren. Debates and—mostly—good-natured quarrels with Velanna about mundane things. Prank wars with Sigrun that always ended with Nathaniel as the loser despite not even participating. The newest warden, Ivun, a one-eyed elven fellow Rosalie conscripted to prevent him from hanging for theft, shared Carver’s interest in Fereldan history and lore.

 He trusted them all with his life down in the Deep Roads, when facing the soulless horrors of darkspawn, just as he cherished their time working together at Vigil’s Keep and Amaranthine.

He's more now than he ever was before the Deep Roads Expedition. Being a Grey Warden finally brought him out into the light away from his big brother’s shadow, and part of him wanted everyone who ever doubted him to see that. Five years ago, Carver was just Edgar Hawke’s little brother. A tagalong only put up with because everyone liked his brother, and he could swing a sword well enough. Yes, he was an ass back then. It did little to improve his popularity, he could admit that.

But he’s older now. He’s a respected warrior of the Grey Wardens, serving under the Hero of Fereldan. Everyone at Vigil’s Keep, and most citizens of Amaranthine, knew his name. He had more than enough coin flowing to never worry about living comfortably. Carver drew the eyes of the lovely noblewomen, unmarried or otherwise, who casually inquired after details; “Tell me, has anyone caught the fancy of Warden Hawke?”

And he wished… he wished Mother could see him. Bethany and Father, too. See that he did become someone uneclipsed and worthy, someone they could be proud of.

Carver would love nothing more than to boast all of that to Edgar. And to Aveline. And to all of his brother’s friends who believed he wouldn’t amount to anything, who didn’t even like having him—

“If you had a pet griffon, what would you name it?”

“A griffon?”

“I would name mine Feathers. Griffons don’t eat people, do they? What if it got out and ate the neighbors?”

“Eh, if it did, the neighbors probably deserved it. Actually… that’s what I’d name mine: Neighbor Eater.”

“Really?”

“That way no one can complain if he eats anyone. I’ll just tell them the name’s a warning; if you get eaten, it’s your own fault.”

“That… is the silliest name!”

“Is not!”

…No, that wasn’t true. There was…

Shit. Shit.

“I should go with you.”

The Commander only paid Carver half a glance. Another obnoxious snore rang from Oghren, followed by slurred grumbling.

“Kirkwall can wait a little longer,” he said, composing himself. DeeDee peered up at him, listening as well. “We finally have a good lead. If it’s true, and Fiona’s in Montsimmard, I should be there when you talk to her.”

A slow nod. Rosalie read the documents like if she glared hard enough, the pages would forfeit some secret information hidden from the eye. And who knows, maybe they would. He’d certainly spill his guts if she ever looked at him like that.

They’ve already discussed the information Zevran snatched from Weisshaupt’s confidential archives, courtesy of his inability to be sensed by other Grey Wardens and his deft thievery skills. They wouldn’t have resorted to stealing the documents if the Grey Wardens were more forthcoming, but somehow the Commander knew they wouldn’t let her waltz out of Weisshaupt with the only case reporting of a Grey Warden being miraculously cured of the taint—hence the forethought to sneak in their thieving confidant.

They wanted crucial information that could potentially bring the cure of the taint to all Grey Wardens, saving them from the fate of the Calling? Perish the thought!

Yet even for as thorough as they were, something in the reports didn’t add up. Carver wanted to go to Kirkwall, but he wanted to know how ex-warden Fiona cured herself of the taint from the woman herself even more.

“If you don’t go,” Rosalie finally spoke with a perked brow, but still didn’t pay him any glance, “then can I expect another letter from your brother? Or should we have a room made up for him when he inevitably storms the keep?”

Carver chuckled, shaking his head. “Believe it or not, there are more important things than my brother’s bullshit. He can wait.”

That got a snicker out of the elven woman. “Have you ever told him that?”

“More times than I care to count,” said Carver flatly, then sighed. “Look, if you’re going to the Circle, you’re going to need me. The templars may have no authority over you, but that doesn’t mean they won’t try something.”

“I’m aware.” Rosalie finally looked to him with an amused, knowing smile. “Many templars tried to take Anders away after I conscripted him, and I hear Greagoir threw a fit when the rumors about Justice reached Kinloch. Then one of their seekers showed up to have a chat with me. Lovely one, that.” She rolled her eyes, straightening out the stack of papers to tuck them in her bag. “And they think I don’t know about their attempts to send undercover templars to snoop around the keep. I’ve only met a few in the order who aren’t complete pricks. Alistair says it’s part of their oath.”

There’s a sentiment Carver shared. His whole life centered around not drawing attention from the Chantry and its templars. He could still only name enough decent ones on a single hand. Alistair once told him that if Fereldan wasn’t left in a such a delicate state after the Blight, King Cailan would’ve sought an effective way to “kindly shoo them out.”

“That’s why I should be there.”

“Your concern is sweet, Carver, but you needn’t worry about us. Besides, we’re not going to Orlais so soon. Unfortunately, there’s still much to do here.”

“I have to go through Orlais anyway,” Carver pressed. “I see no reason to separate just yet. What’s another month or two?”

The Commander looked at him then, studying, but not unkindly. “I thought you’d be more eager to get away. Even if you get sick of your brother and Anders, surely you can busy yourself with other fun things.”

“You’ve never been to Kirkwall, have you?”

“Alistair said it was a charming place until the qunari started attacking people.”

“Most places are.” Carver shifted, fidgeting with the indigo material of his uniform. “I still don’t feel right about leaving, and for that long.”

“I’m sure you’ll have so much fun that it’ll pass before you know it.”

“Maybe. But…” Carver shook his head, shrugging. “I don’t know.”

Silence fell over them, save the continual snoring of Oghren, as Carver avoided the quizzical stare of his commander.

In truth, Carver debated confiding in her or Alistair before about… about certain things, given their relationship. Except doing so would mean he’d actually have to talk about the night before he left for the Deep Roads expedition and…

The distant memory of a sweet laugh echoed, paired with a smile just as adorable. So familiar, so poignant. Eyes like the vivid forest of the Emerald Graves, brightened by battle and triumph. Many evenings spent at the tavern, drinks in hand. Enthused ramblings about everything and nothing. Delicately inked markings over flushed cheeks—

 “Uh, you have mud on your face.”

“Oh? …Did I get it?"

"No, other side, uhm… May I?”

Maker’s breath. He believed he’d outgrown blushing just as he’d outgrown tantrums, but a shame long pushed out of his mind crept back to paint his skin scarlet. In vain effort, Carver ran a hand over his face to wipe the tire from his eyes, and perhaps to hide from the inquiry of his commander.

He’d done so damn well to not dwell on stupid faults anymore. Hadn’t he wasted enough time coping with his own bitterness and remorse for what happened? No matter how many times he replayed it all in his mind, nothing changed—he made a mistake and ruined everything.

“Carver?” Rosalie’s soft voice sent a jolt through his gut. “What’s bothering you?”  

Carver stared into the fire. Or through it, not truly caring to see the mesmerizing dance of the flames. When he spoke, melancholy teased his tongue.

“Merrill.”

Her name hung in the warm night air, unable to be taken back. Real. True. When he finally glanced at his commander, she asked a simple question.

“And who is Merrill?”

Too bad the answer was complicated.

“A girl I knew,” Carver replied quietly. “Before I caught the blight.”

Rosalie nodded, then asked, “A girl you knew, or a girl you knew?”

A silent wince. Carver scratched behind his neck.

“A friend. My only friend from Kirkwall, actually. We…” he trailed off, throat gone dry. He swallowed thickly, shifting uncomfortably and disturbing DeeDee. Alert to the new tension radiating off her master, the heavy nug sat up in search of danger in the surrounding area. “We parted on… I don’t know. Bad terms? No, I- I made an ass of myself and…”

 And he did something he shouldn’t have done; in a moment of quiet tenderness amid a thunderstorm, knowing that morning would come, and he’d spend Maker knows how long in the blighted Deep Roads… he almost kissed her.

He’d hoped that the way she looked at him meant something more, that she went out of her way to spend so much time with him because she returned his affection… but he should’ve known better. Merrill’s heart was kind, and she treated everyone like that; he wasn’t anything special.

“I take it you two haven’t spoken since then?” Rosalie interrupted his thoughts.

“No.”

“And this will be the first time you see each other in…?”

“Five years. Give or take.”

Damn… how has it been that long?

Concerned noises rumbled in DeeDee’s throat as she scrambled up into Carver’s lap, planting her feet against his chest plate, nose twitching up toward his chin. He believed the nug was too smart for her own good, attempting to soothe her unease by scratching her neck. Without thought, Carver said, “I bet she’ll adore you.”

Shit.

Merrill would be there with the rest of them. It’s inevitable that Edgar would drag him to the Hanged Man and there she’d be… sitting at the same table they always sat at as if no time has passed.

“You’ve never written to her, I assume.”

Carver shook his head. “And she’s never written me.”

That’s how he knew. Edgar and Mother wrote him, and Gamlen sent a few letters hoping to squeeze coin out of him. Varric occasionally wrote, too. Even Isabela sent him a package once with a book baring a scantily clad templar on the cover; “it reminded me of you, Little Hawke.”

Not a single letter from Merrill.

“May I ask what you did to make an ass of yourself?” asked Rosalie.

“I told her how I felt.” Carver chuckled, the sound more bitter than he intended. “But she’s Dalish, and since I’m human… well, we all know how that goes.”

“Oh.”

 “It was stupid,” he grimaced. “I didn’t plan it or anything, not exactly. I overthought everything, and it felt right, in the moment. The look on her face… Now I wish I hadn’t said anything at all.”

“I see.”

Carver maneuvered DeeDee off of him, who snorted in protest, settling her comfortably at his side so he could better stretch out his legs. He continued, “I didn’t really have anyone else. We lost everything when we fled Fereldan. No one but mercenaries and thugs wanted to hire me. Ed was always running off without me. Merrill just came to the city from her clan, and somehow we grew close.… I don’t know, we got along. She was odd, very odd; not at all like the other elves in the city. But she was sweet.” He swallowed thickly. “I liked that about her.”

He had liked a great deal about her; kind, witty, perplexing, beautiful Merrill. Brilliance touched her mind in a way that made her, in Carver’s opinion, the most resilient and impressive mage he ever met. Sure, Anders was Circle-trained, and Father taught Edgar and Bethany to wield their magic well, but none of them had the quirks Merrill had. The only comparably skilled mage he knew was Velanna. Maybe it’s a Dalish thing.

The blood magic made him uneasy at the time, but even then he knew it wasn’t inherently evil like the Chantry preached. Merrill never used it when she didn’t have to, nor did she allow it to corrupt her mind. Now that Carver was a Grey Warden and had to stomach everything ugly but necessary, Merrill’s ways with blood magic didn’t seem nearly as consequential. After all, what was the Joining if not a blood magic ritual used to create more Grey Wardens?

But what mattered was she saw him as more than just Hawke’s little brother or the tagalong, she didn’t shy away or grow intimidated by his presence like a lot of city elves did, and she was the truest friend he had in a long time. Carver didn’t quite know how to accept her off-hand compliments or encouragements, even after spending so much time together, but they meant everything to him. If there was ever anyone he cared about in Kirkwall, aside from his brother and mother—and maybe Aveline, if hard-pressed enough to admit it—it was Merrill.

From beside him, Rosalie scooted over to grab DeeDee, who huffed at the Commander for foiling her plans of sneaking back into Carver’s lap. “Just a stab in the dark,” she started, brow arched, “but it sounds like you still care for her.”

“No,” Carver responded, defensive yet surprised at his own firmness. “I mean, it’s not that I don’t care, but I’ve moved on. I’m a Grey Warden. I’m on borrowed time, and I won’t waste it pining over something that’s never going to happen.” He meant every word, too. “I’d rather focus on what’s important, like what we’re doing; fighting darkspawn, and investigating this stuff with Fiona.”

“There will always be an endless pit of darkspawn, and a need for Grey Wardens to fight them. There’ll even be future Blights,” Rosalie said. “And as important as that is, I’m of the opinion that other things can be important, too.” Then, she smirked at him. “That’s why I’m so unpopular with Weisshaupt.”

Carver laughed. “Unpopular? Come on, some of those men wanted to worship you at your feet.”

She wrinkled her nose at that. “And the rest believe I’m a liar and undeserving of my title,” she reminded him. “My point is that I appreciate your dedication to this. I couldn’t ask for a better warrior.”

Pride swelled in Carver’s chest, yet found himself sheepish in looking away.

“But sometimes we need a reminder of what it is we’re actually fighting for,” the Commander continued. “Why devote our lives to a battle with darkspawn to save the world from their corruption if we’ve nothing to save? Why seek a cure to the taint if we’ve nothing to live for?”

A glint caught Carver’s eye; the fire that reflected off the golden band his commander wore and twisted on her finger.

“I have Aria to think of,” she said softly. “And Alistair, and my father. Shianni, Soris and his family. Everyone I left behind and lost in the alienage. Those who fought at my side during the Blight. All of you, and everyone back in Vigil’s Keep. King Cailan, and all of Fereldan. They’re who I do all this for, and—” Rosalie knocked her shoulder with his, “—I think it’ll be good for you to go home and gather your reminders, too.”  

Carver hung his head with a heavy sigh.

His reminders, huh? He already had reminders all around him. Reminders that lived inside him and wore Bethany’s face and crippled Father’s body, that screamed the terror of his fallen comrades at Ostagar, all haunting his nightmares. Every letter he received from his brother. Every thought about Mother that brought the reality that she was gone, and he’d never see her again. Memories of fleeing Lothering as it crumbled. All the little things he tried to ignore because he refused to keep mourning what he and Merrill had.

But… he understood what the Commander meant.

“And I think you and this friend of yours have a lot to discuss.”

“Do we?” he asked dryly. Merrill didn't want anything to do with him now; she made that loud and clear.

With another bump to his shoulder, Rosalie nodded over across the fire to beyond the camp where two familiar figures approached. DeeDee took the opportunity to escape her lap into Carver’s, long ears standing alert as she sniffed the air.

“You’ll have plenty of time to think about it,” Rosalie said, arm raised to greet Sigrun and Zevran. “You have a long journey ahead of you yet.”

Right. Getting back to Kirkwall wouldn’t be a short trip, but he had the coin to make the journey easier. At least this time he wouldn’t spend two weeks in a stuffy ship of refugees. At least DeeDee seemed to like the traveling they did, though how the people of Kirkwall would react to seeing an aggressively protective nug, he didn’t know.

“Look who I finally found!” Sigrun called. “For a while there, I thought he might’ve fallen into a sinkhole or something.”

Zevran laughed, hand pressed to his chest. “It wouldn’t be the first time, but alas, it turns out it’s far easier to break into Weisshaupt Fortress than it is to break out. Who would’ve thought? Usually it’s the other way around.”

“You had our expertise to help get you in,” Sigrun offered with a grin. “Seems that you’re not so sneaky on your own. Or competent.”

“Madam, you wound me!”

“Huh? Whazzat?!” Oghren jerked up, thrashing with drool matted in his beard. “Where are they?!”  Whipping around, recognition slowly spread in his eyes, and he relaxed. “Oh, s’just you.”

“Please, please, my stocky little friend, don’t get too excited at my return,” Zevran snickered, dropping a bag down on the ground. “I know how hard it is to contain yourself. You must’ve been sick with worry at my delay!”

“Bahh!” The dwarf managed to heave himself up to make a rude gesture toward the grinning elf. “I wipe my ass with worry, elf!”

“Smooth, Oghren,” said Sigrun, plopping herself down beside Carver and pulling off her helm. DeeDee eyed her, a cautious noise in her throat as if she believed she was the most intimidating creature in the desert. But Sigrun was hardly deterred, instead giving the nug a quick pat on the head before jerking her hand away with a giggle. One wouldn’t think it, but nugs can bite pretty hard.

Oghren wiggled his brows. “Heh, you’re smooth.”

“Ugh.” Sigrun rolled her eyes, holding her hand out to the nug as a sign of peace, telling DeeDee, “And just like that, I wish I fell into a sinkhole.”

 “Oh yeah? Y’know, ol’ Oghren can show you a real—”

“Oghren,” Rosalie snapped, shooting him a stern warning. The dwarf promptly shut up with only a further small grumble.

There was some strange comfort found in the fact that while Carver wasn’t always the most charming flirt or some suave womanizer, at least he wasn’t Oghren. He almost felt sorry for the man and both of his failed marriages… until he opened his mouth. The Commander seemed to be the only one he’d listen to when told to shut up.

“Come now, put away all the sour looks,” said Zevran, rummaging through his pack and shooting a smile at Carver. “I understand we’re to part ways soon, yes? I came across something terrifying yet intriguing among the racks when I crossed through the cellars on my way to the archives, and thought to myself, ‘Why, this could lead to a great many mistakes, potential trysts in the sand, and headaches in the morning. I must take it! This will give our rugged warrior something to remember us by while he’s off galivanting without us!’”

A dark, glass bottle with a worn, burgundy label was brandished for the group to see. Oooh’s sounded from the group. But, Of course, this piqued the interest of Oghren the most, who sniffed at the air as if he could tell what the unopened bottle contained through that snout of his.

Carver eyed the bottle. “Is that…?”

Sigrun clapped her hands together, startling DeeDee. “It is!”

“Fine dwarven ale!” Zevran laughed, admiring the bottle. “Old, too, given the layers of dust I had to blow away and how the label crumbles off at the touch.”

“Well, shave my ass and call me a nug!” Oghren hollered gleefully. “You actually did something of worth, elf!”

Rosalie scoffed. “Yes, because infiltrating Weisshaupt Fortress was a small feat.”  

Oghren gave a dismissive wave, then gripped at the air for the bottle like a hungry baby. “Whattya waitin’ for? Give it here!”

“Ah, ah, ah, I think not,” Zevran wiggled a condescending finger at the dwarf. “I did not steal this for you, my smelly friend.” The agile elf circled around the group to hand Carver the bottle with a wink before settling down beside Sigrun. “If anyone gets the first drink, it’s our dear friend who we must tragically part from soon.”

“But—but… augh,” Oghren conceded, though reluctantly. “Fine. But don’t go drinkin’ it all!”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that,” the Commander laughed. “One shot of that will knock you on your ass.”

“Hah! Maybe for a dainty little elf!”

Heavy in his grip, the black liquid inside sloshed thick against the glass, and while he couldn’t smell it, Carver still felt like gagging. Dwarven ale—nasty shit, like a sickly skunk pissed in a bottle of wine. Made the memory of the swallow at the Hanged Man seem luxurious.

Yet he couldn’t contain his wide, dimpled grin.

“Thinking of me, were you?” he asked Zevran.

“Your figure tends to dance across my mind at inopportune times, I admit,” the elf teased back.  “It is such a shame that once you depart, the only ruggedly handsome shoulders I’ll have left to admire are the ones in my memories.”

“Pfft,” Carver attempted to shrug that off, but the flattery flushed the tips of his ears anyway. “Sorry, Zev, it’ll take more than this to sweet talk me.”

“Is that so?” Zevran smirked. “I will keep that in mind.”

“Hey!” interjected Oghren impatiently. “If you two girlies are done paintin’ each other’s nails, let’s get drinkin’ already!”

“Keep talking, ass face, and I’ll let Sig down the whole thing,” threatened Carver.

“You wouldn’t!”

“I would!”

“Ooooh, can I?” asked Sigrun gleefully. “Bet I could do it all in one gulp!”

“Heh, there’s a woman after my own heart.”

It’s amazing how quickly the man could switch from temper tantrum to perverted in a blink of an eye.

With a dubious look toward the Commander, who gave Carver an encouraging nod, he uncorked the bottle. The sickening scent was like a fist to the face, and DeeDee made an offended squeal as she attempted to knock the bottle from his hand.  

“Ah, as foul as I remember,” Rosalie recoiled, leaning away from Carver and coughing. “It’s like I’m back at Tapsters.”

“Maker, when was the last time we had this stuff?” he cringed, keeping the bottle in the air away from DeeDee. “After Ivun’s Joining?”

“Poor guy,” Sigrun said, snatching up the protesting nug to hold her close. “Made him drink darkspawn blood, then he survives only for us to give him a mug of dwarven ale to celebrate. I'm surprised he didn’t flee then and there. Or die, I guess.”

“Aye, that was a good night,” chuckled Oghren.

“I heard one of the groundskeepers found you face-down in the gardens in nothing but your smallclothes the next morning.”

“Heh heh, sure gave that old hag a good scare.”  

A disappointed sigh from the Commander.

“It was worth celebrating,” added Carver, growing solemn. “We finally had someone survive the Joining in… Maker, months? A year? I think it was well deserved.”

A murmur of agreement from everyone, then all eyes turned to him, anticipating the first sip of the bottle. A short sniff of the rim was enough to burn his throat. While he wasn’t as familiar with the ale as the dwarves were, Carver never forgot the taste or the way it burned his guts the first time he tried it.

“On the march to Ostagar, one of the soldiers in my unit brought a whole keg of this to camp,” he began. “Never heard of it before, but everyone said you had to be tough to stomach it.” Carver’s confidence faltered a little. “I was barely eighteen. Never had anything more than cheap beer before, but I wanted to impress all the older soldiers so they’d take me seriously. When it was my turn, I chugged down a full mug without stopping.”

Rosalie shook her head knowingly. “Oh no.”

“They were amazed until I vomited in the bushes.” Luckily, he built up a better tolerance since then, so Carver raised the bottle in a toast; “To a successful infiltration of Weisshaupt, and to finding our cure.”

One gulp. A second.

Everything inside him wanted to die a death even the taint couldn’t fathom.

Cold sweat perspired on his skin, and his heart raced.

A gagging cough.

“Gah, fucking void!” he choked.

All around him a joyous laughter erupted, and Carver found he was laughing through the pain, too. For good measure, as if his guts didn’t hate him enough, he took another swig.

“Shit! That’s—” he rasped, coughing. “That’s… pretty weak shit.”

Oghren threw his head back with an obnoxiously loud chortle. “Atta boy! Looks like you do have some stones on ya, after all!”

“Ha! Just for that, I’m drinking the rest!”

“What? HEY! PASS IT HERE, NUG-HUMPER!”

The bottle eventually made it Oghren, but not before the others had a taste, with Sigrun nearly downing the rest out of pure spite. She was nice enough to leave him an amount that wouldn’t even get DeeDee drunk. And yes, he pouted and grumbled for the rest of the evening before retiring to his tent.

Sleep didn’t come as easy to Carver as it did the drunken dwarf. Some nights were better than others, depending on where the day took him. Though the ale in his belly helped, it did little to fend off the anticipation of morning, nor did it keep his mind from wandering.

Kirkwall awaited him. A whole month spent living in an estate with his brother, being… normal. Whatever that meant. Familiar places and faces…

As he lay there in his tent, DeeDee curled up at his side, a murmur escaped his lips.

“I am a Grey Warden. I’m a damn good warrior. Let them see me as such.”

And let Merrill…

“Hang what Merrill feels. I don’t care anymore.”

A huff from DeeDee.

“I don’t care.”  

Maybe if he said it enough, he’d believe it.

[socialprawn]

I want to eat Agape with a spoon! Bless you. What is her relationship with her companions?

Thank youuu, she will probably taste kind of bitter though /u\

I received a similar ask emmmm in 2018 and I said I would draw it but I never did. Now I can answer writing wise and use the other ask to draw, fulfilling its purpose (⓿_⓿)

It is LONG so, under cut:

DAO:

Alistair: They end up being together but that is only because he is a very brave dude, otherwise she would not have initiated anything :V She and him are not every much alike but they complement each other a lot, plus they are both very determined souls and goal-oriented so that is a plus for both of them. She makes him more determined and he makes her feel cherished (ಥ _ ಥ)

Morrigan: They are made of the same cloth. However Agape is pro-circle (sceptic for 'herself and people who can prove themselves', but pro-circle nonetheless) and very, very ignorant and inexperienced with the real life world. At first, Morrigan disliked Agape but her interest into the forbidden magics was very punk of Agape, and Morrigan got to appreciate her. She was her pillar when it came to dealing with Mouse. (For those who don't know, Agape is an abomination and failed her Harrowing). Basically, sisters.

Leliana: Agape loved that she was from the distant country of Orlais and she ended up dressing up with everything Leli was describing her; fancy ribbons, flowers, embroidered shoes. She let Leli braid her hair. Leliana found Agape both precious and fierce. Agape always went to her for advice and really enjoyed her brain. She appreciated that despite her melancholy, she was willing to chat about anything with great excitement, and they also prayed together 💪

Wynne: Very rocky.... Wynne didn't like Agape since the times in the Circle. Agape was very much a teacher's pet, and Wynne is not fond of snarky perfectionists. When Agape was found to be an abomination, Wynne tried to slay her, with the reasoning of Alistair taking over (which was basically doom for Ferelden). Agape found her disappointing and a hypocrite, all things considered with her being an 'abomination' also.

Zevran: Agape was kind of scared of Zevran's view on life and killing, but she was always encouraging his flirtations because she lovessss validation, making Alistair uncomfortable. Agape is very awkward with very confident people and they didn't have a lot in common, so Zevran liked to learn more about her over wine in the campfire. They spoke of their deepest corners of their souls with ease, in the end. Separating in the end felt natural but their company together was very important for Agape to feel more human and less of a Warden Mage Killing Machine.

Sten: Agape's crush 😪 Absolute respect for each other that took hard work by both of them... Agape only knew Qunari from legends but she had no idea she would see one in her lifetime, so she was curious. Sten appreciated Agape's determined spirit and no-bullshit attitude, however he agreed with Wynne for Agape to be slain after she explained her reasoning. He absolutely loathes blood magic and spirits. This later only made their bond stronger however, as he truly felt she was a master of determination being able to stop the blight while being tormented by a demon.

Oghren: Nope.

Shale: I think Shale found her adorable. Some moss grew on the crevices of her body and she said "We are matching, you and your flowers, me and my moss. Aren't we positively girly right now?"

DAA

Anders: They started out as how Morrigan and Alistair were in DAO pretty much, only they have way too much in common with their upbringing. They wouldn't shut up about the Circle. "And do you remember when x did this XDDD" Agape was a Commander now and with no demon whispering bullshit, so her confidence was sky-rocket high, and she was much chattier and relaxed. She liked joking a bit more and she received the Alistair sarcasm training. They were OK. Anders found her to be a bit of a stuck-up princess but he was also amused by it. Let it all floww attitude.

Nathaniel: They were more than OK. Agape's other crush 😭 As soon as he mentioned his expedition to Kirkwall she immediately went "I've heard tha the Amells are nobles in Kirkwall!!" They bonded over how obviously snobby they both are. It really helped Agape be comfortable with him despite his assassination attempt, over the fact that she pulled her Duncan-oriented BOSS move to recruit him. She was determined to help him. HOWEVER, she killed her dad 1970's Carrie style, so this doesn't help them get very very friendly. She did apologise in the end but obviously what she did was too harmful. (Especially knowing that she enjoyed it 😬)

Justice: Justice knew Agape was an abomination even though she doesn't use her blood magic or mentions Mouse in DAA. He wasn't distrustful of her as he judged her for her actions, and could truly see her separated from Mouse. When he decided to 'warn' her, she panicked and told him that after she finds someone to replace her, she will attempt to defeat Mouse. Justice evaluated her and believed her, as she has never done anything unjust. It's a different story if she's dangerous.

Velana: I think Agape was too impatient to deal with Velana's hatred towards humans. When she gave her the notebook, Velana immediately snapped at her and Agape threw it on the floor LOL. Short fuse. I think an older, more mature Agape would reflect on her relationship with Velana with great regret.

Sigrun: Sigrun is my favourite DAA companion (❤´艸｀❤) however Agape did not bond with her much as their relationship was very impersonal. Agape gave her a note with her favourite books and Sigrun followed it to the t <:

I haven't finished DAA yet and I know Velana's and Sigrun's personal quests are bugged so maybe these relationships will change...

That's it! There's a tonne more but I'd rather doodle them or write short fics maybe?! Whoever cares about these hehe c:

[jazzmckay]

today, i finished playing dragon age: origins for the very first time :> it turns out, ive played this series completely in reverse! i did try dao years ago before i picked up dai, but it kept crashing my computer and i gave up. and now, finally... all this time later... i got to play it!

my warden: yenna tabris

she's a rogue, and i did archery more than 2-handed, but dabbled plenty in both. had a good time with the combat style. i romanced zevran. i already loved him based on other game appearances, fanfic etc. but i fell even more in love with him. my main party was alistair, zevran, and wynne, or shale, zevran, and wynne. i really enjoyed getting to know all the companions properly, though, and wish i could have switched it up more. i simply cannot survive without wynne's heals and have a hard time keeping my warriors on their feet, other than shale. ah well

i'm officially on team loghain as a problematic fave. a BUNCH of characters really surprised me with how much i got into them. anora i did expect to enjoy, but not get feral over. i understand morrigan a lot better now. i liked wynne more than i expected to. and oghren stole the damn show. oghren defense squad. this series has so many fascinating, complex characters.

summary of my choices

killed that prick vaughan. city elf origin is brutal and set a whole tone for yenna being perfectly prepared to solve problems with violence when she thinks the situation calls for it

went to redcliffe first, post-lothering. i let jowan use isolde's blood to save connor. if i'd known there wasn't an invisible time limit, i would have gone to the circle so no one had to die, but it seemed like a situation better resolved fast. in my defense, i've played the first two fallout games, which have time-based game overs and i got my whole crew killed in my first mass effect 2 playthrough because i didn't go into the endgame fast enough. i have video game trauma around hidden time limits, okay? that said, i don't regret my choice. i got to play as morrigan confronting the demon in the fade, and it created interesting tension with alistair

circle tower next. sided with the mages, if it can really be called that. it didn't feel like much of a big, dichotomous decision to me, just doing the best that can be done for everyone. zevran's nightmare made me want to hug him. i am one of those weird fade-enjoyers, for the record. i liked it the first time around, as this was the only post-lothering main quest i got to, and i liked it even more on round two

the dalish! very interesting area and storyline. i got lost and confused a lot during this part but i still had a good time, even when it felt like i was running back and forth and in circles sometimes. i got the "best" ending of curse lifted, everyone else alive. it was a really lovely, bittersweet story. the lady of the forest is hot. would

orzammar was also a very cool area. it felt so big. i sided with bhelen while feeling like i didnt know nearly enough about either king candidates to be making such a huge decision. he's a character i expected to not like based on what i've heard though and ended up liking him just fine. we'll see if that changes when i try the dwarf noble origin. i destroyed the anvil of the void. branka is a really fascinating character; i might end up writing meta about her if i can gather the spoons

everything in denerim once you gather for the landsmeet is SO FUN. sometimes fucked up, but that's all good with me. rescue mission for anora while not knowing if she can be trusted yet... getting tossed in a cell with alistair, both of us in only our underwear, smh. zevran and wynne to the rescue! i plan to reload a save and go over more of the combos for who can rescue you, theyre so good. and then everything in the alienage... as if the origin isn't bad enough. when will the denerim alienage catch a damn break? this was one of the points of the game when yenna was at her angriest. her temper has a short fuse normally, and on that day, it had no fuse at all

and the landsmeet. i admit i had to make the choice to reload after my first try. i was trying to make choices my character would make, even if they have consequences, and enjoy whichever story i got, but the first time around, my impulse decision-making led to the worst ending for alistair which i find way too tragic and upsetting. couldn't let that stand. original choices were: yenna 1v1'd loghain -> yenna accepted loghain's surrender and agreed to making him a warden -> alistair, who wasn't hardened, refused to stay with the wardens or marry anora -> yenna chose solo queen anora over solo king alistair -> alistair had to leave. ouch! second time around, i did execute loghain, so alistair and anora married, even if he was Not happy about it

i have soooo many feelings about all the possible outcomes and how it impacts the relationship between the warden, alistair, anora, and loghain. i couldn't go with alistair's life being ruined but so many of the other options are incredibly full of angsty tension and interesting dynamics

i had morrigan and alistair make a god baby. at this point, yenna is feeling pretty fucking bad about asking SO much of alistair

the ending of the game is actually incredible. getting to have pre-battle moments with all the companions, getting at least one section of the WHOLE party fighting side by side, amazing. this is something i find lacking in dai. both dao and da2 reward you for recruiting everyone, keeping everyone, and making additional allies for the final fight, and i adore that. i wish i could have had a full-party moment in dai too. the whole battle was intense and fun, and satisfying. great build up and payoff. its hard to stick a good landing in video games like this, and dao has one of the best, i think! on par with mass effect 2, which i think had the best final fight of that trilogy. oghren's pre-battle "goodbye" made me tear up

alistair made yenna chancellor which i was not expecting! it's fun to imagine her, alistair, and anora trying to get along in discussions :3 ultimately, though, yenna said she would focus on driving the darkspawn back entirely. she didn't choose this life, and didn't appreciate it for a good while, but she managed to do what it takes, and she did not go through all that just for pockets of darkspawn to keep being trouble. but zevran will be with her the whole way :D

i had a rly good time with it! faced some crashes and instability at first, but it seemed to stop entirely after a certain point, possibly when i turned the settings down, so it wasn't too bad. im so happy i got to play this, and im looking forward to the awakening dlc! <3

bonus, from liveblogging to friends on discord, re: oghren: