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heavyhitterheaux · 3 days ago

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Wifey Shiesty (Slight NSFW)

See Me Through You Series

Synopsis: After giving her husband a much needed pep talk, we get Wifey's version of mic'd up during the Bengals vs. Broncos game

Pairing: Husband!Joe Burrow x Wife!Reader

Requested by: @mirrorballgirlie25 and an anon 💕

Series Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

The level of excitement that you had when you woke up around eleven in the morning was unmatched as you sat up against the headboard for confirmation.

One of the few days that you didn't have any morning sickness.

It was evident that Joe was already awake seeing as he wasn't lying next to you and could faintly hear the shower running in the bathroom signaling that he was getting ready to head to Paycor to take on the Denver Broncos.

There was a lot riding on this game, but you had done your usual routine with making his favorite foods and giving him pep talks. Joe's bag that he would be carrying when he left was sitting on the bed and you quickly pulled out your stationary set and wrote a small note to stick in there.

You got this, Shiesty.

I love you,

Wifey

You did this before every game whether it was at home or away and Joe kept every single one and had it organized by season.

You would usually also get up early and go into the bathroom and also write notes for him on the mirror so that way he would also wake up and see them.

When you were finished, you closed his bag and was caught off guard by arms wrapping around you and a kiss being placed on your cheek.

“Good morning Mr. Shiesty.�� You told him as you turned around to properly hug him.

“Good morning baby girl. No morning sickness? Did my baby actually get to sleep? I didn't hear you get up at all.”

“I actually slept for once so hopefully I'll have energy for the game.” You replied as he then leaned down to kiss you.

Joe let out a deep sigh and you immediately knew what to do.

“Okay, baby. We got this. I know how important this game is and that we want to make the playoffs, but just get through each quarter and take your time. Either way it goes today, I am so fucking proud of you. This has truly been your best season and you keep silencing the people who hate on you every single time. Like breaking records and breaking some of your own too? You were drafted number one for a reason. Now go out there today and show them why. I love you and as promised I will be in your suite cheering you on.”

The smile that broke out on Joe’s face was huge as he leaned down to kiss you once more in response.

“I just… it’s so much pressure on my shoulders. But at the same time it is what it is.”

“Baby, you’re the quarterback if you didn’t realize it until just now.” You joked with him and he let out a small laugh.

“I hadn’t noticed and I love you too. Thank you for the pep talks that you always give me. It may not seem like a big deal, but it is.”

“Of course, my love. Always going to be in your corner rooting for you.”

“And the same goes for you, it’s just in a different way now.” Joe replied as he glanced down at your leg and saw the surgical scars staring back at him as he lightly ran his fingers over them.

He couldn't think about it for too long since it would make him upset, but every day, he woke up grateful that you were still here able to do life with him. He couldn't have imagined what happened if you weren't. Becoming a widow a few months after you get married was something that was constantly running through his thoughts when you had gotten hurt.

The pain was still evident even if you didn't talk about it much, not wanting to make your husband worry. He did enough of that when he thought he would be planning your funeral.

Being pregnant, the only thing that you were able to take for pain was tylenol and some days that just wasn’t cutting it. But the last thing you were about to do was risk the health of your twins.

“Is it bothering you today?”

“So far, so good.”

“Just remember to bring some medicine with you. Don't want you sitting there in pain.”

“I'll put some in my bag, promise.”

“Good, pack some heat packs too just in case.”

“Oh, and I have a little surprise. Ja’Marr actually came up with it so you can thank him for it.”

“And what’s that?” Joe asked as he was starting to get dressed.

“I’m going to be mic’d up during the game for me and Taylor’s podcast so do your best to not give your wife a panic attack or send her into labor because it is way too early.”

Joe threw his head back in laughter because he knew how you would get during the games.

“I’ll try my best, but no promises. I can’t wait to watch it later.”

“But for now, I'll go make you some food while you get ready.”

“No need, baby. I got up early and ate.” Joe told you and in response you made a face at him.

“Baby doll, your morning sickness has been horrible lately. I wanted you to sleep. I have the ability to make myself something to eat and not burn down the kitchen in the process. Give me credit where credit is due.”

“But I ALWAYS make you food on game days when you play at home and sometimes you have dessert and eat me out before you leave. It's our thing!”

“I know, but you can make us something later when we win and I can eat you out later. That can definitely be arranged.”

“Fine, I'm holding you to that.”

“Good, now give me kisses.” Joe told you as he was now sitting down on the bed and pulled you onto his lap.

You gave him a few kisses before kissing the side of his mouth and laying your head on his shoulder.

“You're lucky you just took a shower and need to get ready because I want to bite you so bad right now.”

“AHT AHT! Baby do not start, as much as I want to, I can't rearrange your guts all day.”

“But you can do it all night.” You replied while smirking as you picked your head up to look at him.

“See? This is why you're pregnant now.”

“Don't blame it on me, you had something to do with it too.” You scolded him as he kissed the tip of your nose.

Suddenly Joe’s phone went off and he turned around to grab it and saw it was Ja'Marr calling and quickly answered.

“Stop swapping spit with my sister and let's go.”

“Damn, good morning to you too uno.” Joe replied as he rolled his eyes.

“And how do you even know what I was doing?” Joe asked and even though he couldn't see him, he knew that he was rolling his eyes.

“Joe, don't piss me off before we even get in the locker room on this nice Saturday. Yall can’t keep your hands to yourself for thirty seconds. I'll be at your front door in 15 minutes. Bye.”

After Joe hung up all he did was toss his phone to the side before kissing you once more.

“See you at 4:30?”

“See you at 4:30.”

—

Arriving at Paycor, security quickly escorted you as well as Erin to Joe's suite where you would meet up with Jim and Robin. Robin had already sent a text letting you know that they had just gotten there and the only thing on your mind was food and watching Joe and your baby brother play.

The entire episode of you being mic'd up would be recorded on your phone and you would upload it after the game was over whether the Bengals walked away with a win or not.

Once you had gotten settled and got everything set up how you wanted it, you set your phone to record.

“Hello my Woman Cave listeners. Wifey Shiesty here and you’re in for a little treat today. As you can see, I'm in my husband's suite at the game with my in-laws, and my best friend Erin and you guys are getting my version of mic'd up! I did tell Joe prior to him leaving the house this morning and I told him to do his best not to give me a panic attack, so let's see how this goes.”

First quarter

“Okay, yall have to do better than this if we want a playoff spot. Because what are we even doing right now?”

–

“Did you really just get sacked twice in a row?! O-line protect my husband, please! It is LITERALLY YOUR JOB.”

–

“Uh oh baby brother is making faces. He's getting annoyed. I am too Bam Bam, I am too.”

–

“WHAT!? The first quarter can't be over already. We have literally done nothing.”

–

Second quarter

“Baby! What are….? I gave you a pep talk this morning and this is NOT how this was supposed to go.”

–

“The babies are hungry again. Erin, can you get me more mozzarella sticks? Cheese has been my main food group since I got pregnant.”

–

“AHHH TOUCHDOWN! YEAH TEE! I guess he didn't want his mom cussing him out again. She really let him have it.”

–

“Okay, we got something going, feeling a little better. Oh, are those buffalo wings? I needed those like 6 hours ago. I don't care about the heartburn that I'm about to have after. The babies are getting some spice today. I have tums in my purse.”

–

Third quarter

“And, we're back. The babies were playing kickball with my bladder. I'm definitely going to drink this lemonade though.”

–

“Ehh, okay we're kicking. Fine, that'll get us ten.”

–

“NO! HE CAUGHT IT! NOW IT'S TIED.”

–

“Okay, we still have time. We got this. Can I have a milkshake delivered to the stadium? I want one. Never mind. Joe will get me one on the way home.”

–

“Erin, did you see Joe’s and Ja'marr's outfits today? Like WHO ARE THESE DIVAS? But I picked out Joey's last night. I wanted to bite him before he left, but he told me no.”

–

Fourth quarter

“Tee again with the touchdown!”

–

“Damn it! It's tied again. I literally told Joe NOT to give me a panic attack or make my water break and it's clear and evident that he in fact did not listen.”

–

“Oh! Is he in!? IS HE IN!? My husband is the shit yall. Get it baby! TOUCHDOWN!”

–

“Wait a minute… is he…? Is he doing the griddy? See that's the black wife effect for you. And of course Ja'Marr co-signed it. He got more rhythm when he married me.”

–

“Okay, clock is winding down. We can do this. Not that much longer to go.”

–

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? Oops, babies don't repeat that. It's tied again!”

–

“Overtime it is. I need to pee again and I'm hungry. These children need to chill out with the food requests.”

–

Overtime

“Okay dad got me nachos. I'm okay now, we're back in business. Shoutout to Paycor. Yall have the good cheese.”

–

“I can't watch anymore and need to close my eyes.”

–

“Well that lasted for a total of thirty seconds.”

–

“OH! OKAY HE’S AT THE TWO! TEE'S AT THE TWO! Yall better not fuck this up.”

–

“HE GOT IT!”

–

“I'm happy we won, but I need to sit here for a minute before I go to the tunnel. Bottom line is put some respect on my husband's name. As of now he is literally the only person in the history of the NFL to have 250 pass yards but 3 pass touchdowns in 8 straight games. So unless you can do that, don't talk to me. And, I rest my case. Now it's time for my milkshake and to hug my husband and baby brother.”

When Joe spotted you in the tunnel, he was all smiles and quickly made his way over to you as he leaned down to kiss you.

“Proud of you, babe.” You told him as you reached up to pinch his cheek.

“Your pep talk definitely helped this morning. Just took us a minute to find our rhythm.” Joe replied as he started to play with the ends of your hair, something that he did more often than not.

“Speaking of rhythm, that griddy was too clean. You should have heard me and Erin yelling.” You told him and he couldn't help but to laugh.

“It's the black wife effect. Can't be around you and your family all the time and walk away with nothing.” He casually said as he shrugged and you busted out laughing.

“And just wait until you hear my mic'd up episode.”

“Please tell me you're kept it somewhat appropriate. I never know with you.”

“Well, babe, I didn't say anything about me turning you every way but loose once we leave here if that's what you mean.” You sweetly said while batting your eyelashes at him.

“I… I guess I'll take it then.”

“BIG SIS!” You heard Ja'Marr yell and quickly yelled back at him as he was running towards you.

“LIL BRO!”

Ja'Marr promptly picked you up and hugged you before setting your back down on your feet.

“You see your husband's griddy?” He asked and Joe simply smirked at the both of you.

“He just told me that it's the black wife effect.”

“I have to agree, this man has a grill now, seasons his food, still holding onto the pumpkin pie, but I'll let it slide today. Maybe one day he'll accept that it honestly tastes like sweet potato pie with low self-esteem.” He replied and you couldn't help but laugh.

“Bye Ja'Marr!”

“What!? Did I lie!?”

“No, but I need a milkshake babe. Go do your presser so I can get one on the way home.”

“I need another kiss before I do.” He told you as Ja'Marr made a gagging noise.

“Yall make me sick.”

“Then look away.” Joe told him as he leaned down to kiss you.

“You would think that it's been forty days and forty nights since the two of you saw each other last.”

“And we're ignoring you.”

–

“Fuck! That's it, pretty girl.” Joe whispered in your ear as he had wrapped his arms around you as you continued to ride him.

The ride home honestly felt like torture with you both trying to keep your hands off one another and forget the bedroom. The two of you barely made it through the front door as clothes were thrown off and left in a pile as you were now on the couch riding him.

The two of you learned pretty quickly that ever since you had gotten pregnant and you were now obviously showing since there wasn't just one in there, but two, the most comfortable positions for you were either riding him or laying down on your side and Joe was not complaining in the slightest.

However Joe was then abruptly confused when you had suddenly stopped and proceeded to swing your legs off of him and his protests were quickly heard.

“Babe, I was close. What the hell?” He asked as you had now spread his legs to make room and got down on your knees in front of him.

“Then how about you shut up and stop complaining? I got down here so you could face fuck me, but I will gladly get back up.”

“You're going to regret getting smart with me before the night is over.”

“Mm hmm, sure Burrow.” You responded as you rolled your eyes. You had done that on purpose because the adrenaline from winning the game mixed with him getting annoyed by your smart mouth would lead to him not showing you any mercy and that was exactly what you wanted.

Doing as he was told, Joe moved closer to the end of the couch as you took him in your mouth. Your hair kept ending up getting in the way, and he decided to help you as he put it into a makeshift ponytail which also led to him being able to have a better hold on you as he sped up his pace of him moving in and out of your mouth.

“You're doing such a good job, princess.”

A mix of sweat, tears, and drool was running down your face as he kept hitting the back of your throat. Your jaw was definitely sore, but you weren't quitting any time soon and was determined to see it all the way through until Joe got his release.

Being able to finally come up for air, Joe moved your head all the way back making you lose contact with him when he leaned forward to kiss you before sliding back into your mouth.

“Come on, baby. You gonna make me cum?” Joe asked as he finally released his hold on you.

Once he did, between the use of your mouth along with your hand it was only a matter of time.

You felt the first drop hit the back of your throat and was soon followed by a string of curse words from his mouth as you were trying to swallow the full load.

“You better swallow it. The entire thing.” He told you as he lightly tapped your cheek. It took you a minute but once you did, you also ran your finger along your cheek and chin to get what had dribbled out and sucked on your fingers.

“Good girl.”

Joe then picked you back up to sit in his lap and kissed you before turning to the side and laying down while taking you by your hips to move you up so you would be right above his face.

“I promised to eat you out, didn't I?” Joe asked you as he kissed all along your thighs.

“Yes.”

“Now stay still.”

Liked by joeyb_9, thewomancave, taylorrooks, lahjay10_, cincinattibengals, and 867,254 others

wifeyshiesty: the black wife effect lol now put some respect on my baby's name! so proud of you pookie!

My mic'd up episode will be released at midnight!

lahjay10_: I taught him that at the cookout. they grow up so fast. taylorrooks: I can't wait to hear the episode and talk about it! erinthegymnast: when he hit that griddy, me and wifey screamed so loud we're surprised they didn't hear us out on the field joeybfanatic: OMG not wifey being mic'd up lmao I absolutely love her on the woman cave so I'm excited for the unhinged shit that I know she's about to say joeyb_9: she's been unhinged since I met her, but I wouldn't have it any other way lahjay10_: joeyb_9 bruh I warned your ass and you still married her wifeyshiesty: lahjay10_ I know where you live (3 houses down) so get yourself together before I bust through your front door lahjay10_: wifeyshiesty if you can reach the handle to get in joeyb_9: pause, let me grab a snack to watch this go down joeburrowupdates: lmaooo not joe wanting his wife to beat her little brother's ass lahjay10_: she's all talk, she won't do anything joeyb_9: uh ja'marr she just put on her slides and grabbed her keys, I would make a run for it if I were you 👀

#joe burrow #joe burrow x reader #joe burrow x black reader #joe burrow fluff #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow smut #joey burrow #joe shiesty #joey b #joe burrow fanfic #joe burrow fanfiction

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quodo-brainrot · 14 hours ago

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@tuttle-did-it I'm with you on Troi. I really want to like her because the idea of a counselor who is an empath is pretty awesome, but she doesn't even use her empath powers as much as she could when she's counseling people. I'm not a therapist and I've never been to therapy, but I get the sense that the 'therapy' she gives people is little more than armchair psychology.

And yes, they do have to simplify it for the audience, but the simplification of her methods isn't the biggest problem - it's that her therapy simply doesn't seem to work, even when it's made clear that she spends a lot of time working with someone offscreen. It feels like the only purpose that her on-screen therapy sessions serve is so that we can have a place for certain characters to let out their emotions.

Barclay is a prime example of a character who is not going to talk about his feelings anywhere other than in a therapy session because he's too afraid of being judged elsewhere, so those sessions are the only place we get to see what's really eating at him. So it helps the audience, but does it actually help him?

Not really. Barclay is still noticeably a mess at the end of TNG and even into Voyager. And it's true that not everyone responds well to therapy and he might just be one of those people, but I think it's much more likely that the help Deanna gave him wasn't really much more than what you could get from an attentive and caring friend. And it is good to be able to get that kind of help to take the edge off, but trying to present it as the work of the supposedly amazing counselor on the Federation Flagship is kind of laughable.

Dr. Crusher, or any other medical officer, easily could have given people all the same advice that Troi did. I think it would have been much more interesting if Troi's position on the ship was purely for diplomatic and strategic purposes. Imagine if they ditched the 'counselor' angle entirely, gave her a bit of a hard edge and made her as much of an expert on emotional patterns as Uhura was an expert on language patterns.

Instead of just saying 'I sense anger,' imagine if Troi was capable of producing accurate assessments of a hostile's motivations and goals based on the interplay of their emotions, even when it's her very first time encountering a given species.

But unfortunately, the show quite deliberately leaned away from that idea on multiple occasions, as the characters had to explain 'oh no no no, it's not immoral for us to have an empath helping us because we don't use her powers aggressively' or whatever.

I always thought that was a pretty silly thing to do. Why would anyone even bat an eye at the Enterprise having an empath anyway? Realistically, that crew would likely have several empaths. There are many species out there who are empathic and/or telepathic. It's weird that the default reaction is to suspect some sort of moral failing on the part of the Enterprise for using a resource that's actually pretty readily available in the scheme of things.

But if Troi did use her empathic powers to their full potential, it would make it a lot harder to write episodes that involved deception and intrigue. She'd be able to end the plot pretty quickly. I think that's one big reason that they never really showcased her powers as much as they could have.

DS9's Odo suffers from a similar issue in that he'd be WAY too powerful if he could accurately mimic humanoid faces, so as that one post in the DS9 fandom hilariously puts it, Odo is a shapeshifter who's kind of bad at it. But there are legitimately interesting plot points made specifically out of the fact that he's kind of bad at it, and in addition to that, there's a lot more to him as a character than just his shapeshifting powers.

Unfortunately, Deanna didn't get the same treatment. The show tries to set her up to be this really awesome counselor but the results we actually see are pretty mediocre. And the only other role she ever really gets to play other than 'empath' is 'love interest.' Which is a real shame, because I really liked the air of calm and the gentle mischievous humor that Sirtis brought to the character. She could have been so much more compelling if she'd been more fleshed out.

star trek characters will literally go through the most life changing traumatic multidimensional extrasensory eldritch hell torture imaginable and then they're fine and the next episode they gotta deal with a guy who is bald

#star trek #st tng #deanna troi #counselor troi

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sunderwight · 2 days ago

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Thinking about what if SJ had left the Qiu manor a little earlier (some other final straw breaks the camel's back sooner), and actually manages to get a lead on YQ and follows it to Cang Qiong Mountain while YQ is in the thick of his "locked suffering in a cave" arc.

SJ arrives and is immediately struck by the needle-in-a-haystack-ness of the situation. The population of all the peaks put together is huge, and he has no clout to leverage, no reason to get people to care what he's there for and a strong reluctance to tip his hand about... basically anything. Even totally earnest intentions to find his childhood friend.

So SJ skips the usual disciple trials (none are being held at the time he arrives anyway) and just steals a disciple uniform for An Ding. An Ding has a lot of outer disciples. SJ doesn't even know which peak it is, he just sees the place that has the most faceless/nameless lackeys doing grunt work and goes okay, I bet they don't always know all their own by name and face, and he's correct.

The bluff works hilariously well. When he gets back to An Ding with his "fellow" disciples he just finds an unused storage room to sleep in, and even when he gets sort-of caught out at it the shixiong who catches him just bemoans the hazing/bullying on the peaks. When SJ establishes that he's fine sleeping in the store room, Shang-shixiong even bribes him to keep his mouth shut about the "bullying epidemic" by giving him a proper cot and blankets to use. So SJ doesn't even have to deal with being in a dorm.

He multitasks actually learning what cultivation he can from the other An Ding disciples and masters, and investigating all the other latest arrivals to the peaks. It isn't long before Shang-shixiong spills the beans about the rising star of Qiong Ding Peak, who came from apparently nowhere during the selection trials, matches Yue Qi's description, has the same surname, and disappeared mysteriously a few weeks ago.

Shen Jiu's gut twists around at word of the disappearance. He is all too aware of the kinds of things it usually means when handsome, talented boys with no family or backing just disappear mysteriously all of a sudden. He's heard things about the sort of uses cultivators have for people with a lot of raw talent and not a lot of knowledge or protection, too. Qiu Jianluo used to make it a point to explain exactly what SJ's cultivation talents could be used for (cauldron stuff), both as a threat and also as a warning against him trying to go outside and find a master. Even Yue Qi had sort of tried to warn him, in his own way, by demanding SJ always keep it a secret.

Yue Qi might have believed that the righteous cultivators in an official sect wouldn't stoop to such dirty, underhanded methods, and might have thought he was safe here. SJ holds no such optimistic illusions. The An Ding peak lord give every impression of the same kind of sycophantic public servants who used to take kickbacks from wealthier families in his home city, and even only glimpsed at a distance, the sect leader gives him the creeps.

Anyway, SJ eventually figures out that something is up with the Ling Xi caves, goes down and finds a sealed-off cavern with just a few cracks he can peer through. Cue reversal of the last time he saw Yue Qi, with the older boy now being the one locked away by a cruel master, and SJ having to whisper reassurances and promises of rescue.

#svsss #scum villain #scum villain's self saving system #qijiu #shen jiu #yue qingyuan #sj going full axe murderer arsonist on cultivators is harder than doing it on a mansion full of normies though #he's gonna have to find some other method of destroying them #maybe allying with a certain demon king or something

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adieutristana · 2 days ago

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not sure why it won’t let me respond to this one, but i’d be happy to write it! thank you for the request <3

also yall know i sometimes share the songs i have on repeat. right now it’s ’wings of a butterfly’ by HIM. ugh, so addictive

summary; jinx’s girlfriend comforting jinx, who thinks she doesn’t deserve her.

characters included; jinx

tags/warnings; angst, hurt/comfort, mentions of poor mental health, a lot of crying and a panicked state, slight suicidal ideation, fluff

men dni.

jinx's mental state has always been... fragile, at best.

jinx never liked speaking of her past, preferring not to dwell on it. it was too painful for her, bringing tears to her eyes, her body quivering, sometimes even triggering hallucinations. as you spent more time by the girl's side, she began to slowly open up, dropping little details about her past every now and again.

she'll drop in anecdotes about her parents, or her childhood with vi, mylo, and claggor. she told you briefly about the job she went on that triggered the seemingly never-ending chain of unfortunate events that was her life, but she was always vague about it. shying away from the details, wincing when she even mentioned the incident on the bridge. most of what you had gathered about that time in her life was through word of mouth of others in zaun, bystanders who remembered it.

but you never push, never pry for more than she'll give you. it's not important to know every little detail, really, what matters is jinx here and now and how she's doing currently. how what happens has affected her and what you can do to support her.

in many ways, you've become the girl's crutch. her sanctuary of sorts, her safe place to come back to when the world gets too harsh or the voices become too loud. jinx navigates her life in fear, as much as she tries to put up a tough front- but you've never given her anything to be afraid of. that's one of the things that sets you aside from the other people in her life.

but tonight, it's all just so overwhelming. jinx can't shake the voices, can't shake the thoughts swirling around her mind. she's shaking, tears spilling from her eyes and lip quivering, her hands tugging at her braids and eyes squeezed shut. she tries to rock herself back and forth, trying to give herself some kind of comfort, but it isn't doing anything. she can't ground herself, can't shake the thoughts of worthlessness and the need to just disappear flying at her.

she knows that you're sleeping right next to her, and that makes jinx feel even worse. god, she's a mess. why can't she just let you sleep? be quiet and normal for once? you deserve better than this, surely, to be sleeping and have a girl losing herself next to you. she tries to stifle her sobs. the girl can't decide whether she wants your comfort or to just be left alone, leaving you to sleep and be okay without her. but it's all so much, jinx can barely form any coherent thoughts.

she hears you stirring next to her, blankets rustling, and jinx knows that she fucked up. her eyes blow wide, trying to rush over and coax you back to sleep, but you're groaning and blinking your eyes open.

"what... what's going on, love?"

you whisper, voice heavy with sleep.

"n-nothing, toots, just..." she sniffles, taking in a shaky breath. "go back to sleep... i'll be fine, i'll..."

she can't even finish her sentence before she's in hysterics again, you rushing to sit up beside her and scoot closer. sitting right next to your girlfriend's trembling form and taking both of her shoulders, trying to ground her somehow.

"jinx, baby, what's wrong?" you breathe out. "please, talk to me... i can't help you if you don't talk to me."

she's heaving, desperately trying to look at you, but her eyes are clouded with unshed tears.

"i don't deserve you. you should be with someone better than me."

she states, plainly. her voice is quiet and frail, holding eye contact with you... it's unsettling, frankly. you cautiously tighten your grip on her shoulders.

"what makes you say that? of course you deserve me."

she shakes her head slowly, sniffling.

"no. i'm a monster, a murderer," jinx mutters. "i've done bad things, babe. a lot of bad things."

you tilt your head, your voice dropping slightly. trying to use a softer, more soothing tone, trying to just get through to jinx.

"you think i don't know that?"

"you do. but i don't know if you understand it."

you're slightly taken aback by this, slowly swallowing and examining jinx's expression. she's so withdrawn, so cold. it's like she's not even there. you've seen your girlfriend in episodes before, shaking her head and screaming for the voices, the visions to stop. having to rock her back and forth in your arms as she settled down, gently shushing her. reminding her that everything is alright, she's safe, you're not going to let anything hurt her.

"honestly... maybe everyone would be better off without me."

this snaps you out of your thoughts, immediately grasping jinx even harder.

"don't you dare talk like that, jinx."

you say, voice stern. although, it makes jinx wince slightly, and that brings a feeling of harsh guilt, enveloping your very being in that moment. you can't bear to see her in any more pain than she's already in, especially to contribute to that pain.

"i just... i don't understand it. you're always so nice to me, and you don't bring up any of what i've done. even when i come back here covered in blood."

you gaze at her as she goes on, simply letting her talk. get it out, jinx. it's okay.

"why don't you care? anyone else would." she asks, a single tear falling.

"i'm not anyone else."

you whisper, hands coming to gently cup both of her cheeks. cradling her face in your hands, as if you were handling a piece of precious porcelain. that's not too far off, though. for you, jinx is the most precious thing in the entire world- far more precious than any money or items. she's your treasure.

"i know what you've done, jinx. i've seen it. and honestly, i don't give a shit."

jinx lets out a quiet gasp, feeling one of your thumbs coming to wipe her tears away, feeling sticky cheeks from all of the crying. poor girl.

"but-"

"none of that. i don't care. i know that there's good in you, because i've seen it. i see it every single day that i'm with you. you are anything but a monster."

your eyes are gazing into jinx's own, making sure that she gets every last word you're saying.

"you are a caring, talented, loyal girl, one who i've seen be gentle and kind when she wants to be. you've cared for me, loved me, protected me, all without asking for anything in return. that's rare, jinx."

she nods slowly, rosy eyes still locked with yours. she isn't saying anything, but you can tell that jinx is comprehending what you're telling her, taking it in.

"but you could have anyone." she protests. "i don't understand why you chose the crazy criminal."

"jinx, stop talking about yourself like that."

you say, pressing your forehead to hers.

"i chose you because you make me happy, and i love you, and again, i see the good in you. i don't want anyone else. i know that you get in your head like this, but i don't think any less of you for it. if anything, i admire your resilience."

you pause for a moment, before jinx finally lets up, slowly nodding along.

"...you promise?"

"i promise."

"you won't leave me?"

"i wouldn't dream of it."

jinx lets out a shaky breath, nodding again. slowly wrapping her arms around your waist and resting her chin on your shoulder, letting her eyes slip shut.

"let's get you in bed, okay?"

#jinx x reader #arcane x reader #reader insert #arcane x you #sapphic

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cvnt4him · 3 days ago

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Diaries of Spider-Man.

ch1

Dear diary; what was I thinking?!

synopsis; the disastrous "adventures" of a teenaged spiderman.

This is a WIP, please let me know your thoughts and if this is what you would like to see from me<3

“let's do this one.. last.. time...”

“my name is izuku midoriya, and for the past 3 years, I've been the one and only spiderman. Annnd, I'm pretty sure you know the rest..”

₊˚⊹

Izuku jots away in his notebook before taking a step back to read what little he's written. the groan that escaped his lips was quite audible. He was rather disappointed in what he's written.

When his therapist "prescribed" him to journaling or writing down his thoughts in a notebook which he didn't want to refer to as a diary, his initial thought was;

‘theres no way in hell writing things down would help me.’

However for the past three years, izuku found himself writing everything he could down in those measly little journals his therapist gave him. Each and every year the thick and huge diary journal she gave him would begin to get fuller and fuller of all of his little adventures or simple daily routines.

Izuku was nothing if not a stubborn little shit at times. Of course he would disagree heavily but facts don't lie. You can't tell this energetic know it all anything. He's really smart and well put together. Most of the time. Upon becoming spiderman he hasn't had a lot of time for much. His consistent tasks of being spiderman are always heavy and time consuming. He doesn't have time to study for his driver's test, his normal class tests which define if he passes the grade and gets into college, or even dinner half the time?!

To be frank; the poor thing has been through a lot the past years. Too much honestly. Izukus "power" awakening was an honest mistake. Like your typical movie spiderman, he was bitten by a radioactive spider whilst he was doing something he knew he had no business doing

₊˚⊹

To go back exactly three years 4 months and 17 days ago, you would find a 14/15 year old izuku breaking into an abandoned home with none other than his typical, usual, partners in crime.

Katsuki bakugou and y/n l/n.

Izuku knew it was a bad idea from the beginning, however he always followed the two of you into stupid situations that could eventually get you killed. In this case, it almost did. Izuku helped you get through the window the three of you had busted by letting you climb onto his shoulders, katsuki who had laid his jacket over the glass so none of you would cut yourselves, grabbed you by your arms and pulled you in, the both of you then helped izuku in with basically the same method.

“woah.. spooky.”

“ heh.. it reeks in here.”

You giggled at katsukis exclaim, making izuku pout slightly. He sighed to himself, not wanting to admit the blonde was correct.

“ you guys i- i really don't think we should— ”

“ hey check it out! there are spray paint cans in here!”

Katsuki yells running to the other room with numerous cans of spray paint. You followed him like a dumb lost puppy leaving izuku to groan and follow behind you both.

There were many graffiti stamps left behind from many different people, obviously they had left behind their spray paint for some odd reason, that's what really intrigued izuku.

“ tch, hey deku, get over here so we can sign our names!”

Izuku jogs closer to you two shivering to himself at all the spiderwebs covering the cans. It was dusty and quite eerie inside of this place. Izuku truthfully wanted no part. You and katsuki signed your names right next to each other with little quirky doodles next to them, izuku soon followed suit. He picked up the green can of paint and signed his name ‘izuku’

“ no no, put deku! ‘ts way better than ‘izuku’!”

The way katsuki could make izuku feel bad about his given name should've been studied. And they way you were quick to agree hurt the poor boy even more. He soon crossed out izuku and put ‘Deku’ big and boldly. It was all alone compared to how closely the two of your names were.

The two of you had long began to explore elsewhere, leaving izuku wondering where you two went off to.

“hey! Come in here izu- I mean deku!”

You yell out catching his attention, he follows the sound of your voice to find you two the small critter crawling up his back going completely unnoticed. Some time passed and it only got later and later, izuku was still hesitant about being there but the two of you just kept going deeper and deeper inside of the manor.

Izuku rushes inside of the next room, breaking contact with whatever artifacts caught his eye. He looked for the two of you calling out your names with no answer, he was confused and quite scared, where could the two of you have gone?

“ boo!”

Izuku jumped back falling down to the ground and scraping his little hands.

“ow..!”

Izuku winced at the sudden sting of not only his hands but the pinch of his skin itching and being very irritated next to his neck, he slapped it and the arachnid soon fell into his hands. With a shutter he threw the spider out of his hands feeling rather jittery after the encounter.

“ are you alright, izuku?!“

You were quick to rush over to him. It was simply supposed to be a little harmless joke, he wasn't supposed to get hurt. You helped him up and dusted him off as well heading katsuki suck his teeth in response.

“ yes, i- I'm fine. I've gotten bitten by a spider however.. one unlike any other I've ever seen.. we should head back so I can tell my mom.”

“ oh, oka-”

“ no.”

Katsuki was quick to shut down before you could get out your sentence. You both turned to look at him he seemed angry a bit as if something completely ruined his mood.

“ if you tell your mom we could get in trouble, she might tell my mom who might tell y/ns. you don't want us getting in trouble, do you deku.”

The way katsuki used the nickname against him made his stomach feel sick. He gulped down the rising bile in his throat and coughed lowly.

“ katsuki he got hurt, shouldn't he-”

“ no! I'm not getting in trouble because wimpy deku wanted to be an easy scare!”

“thats not fair katsuki!”

The two of you started bickering, leaving him out causing him to sigh. He felt a bit weird.. kind of dizzy and out of breath as if he'd been running. It was growing warm and he had began sweating, hyperventilating as if he needed to catch his breath.

The sounds of him caught your attention and suddenly the boy looked quite weak, frail of some sort.

“ izuku..? are you...alright?”

Katsuki sooner looked over to see izuku hardly keeping his balance, he wouldn't admit it but he was quite worried at the sight of him.

“ let's go.”

Was all katsuki said as he grabbed izuku by the hand and ran back towards the broken window the three of you came in.

The two of you got izuku home in one piece for the most part, he was dizzy and hardly standing up on his own, the running had him so our of breath it was almost like he was having an anxiety attack. He probably was to be honest, izuku was a very anxious boy. His anxiety levels were very high at all times, with the growing symptoms in his body and the bite from the spider he was so worried about what was happening to him he most likely started having a panic attack whilst running. Luckily he was home now, you and katsuki beat on his door as you heard him mom yelling she was coming.

She opens the door with a smile to see the three of you out of breath with a dead looking izuku, the sight startled his mother causing her to pick up her son and rush him to the hospital. Both yours and katsukis parents had been called and had quite a talk with inko who was worried sick about her son, yelling at your parents and explaining how she has no idea what happened.

You two didn't speak to each other once. Not even looking at each other. Both your parents had taken you and katsuki back home. After that night you'd never spoken to katsuki or izuku ever again..

Izuku was completely fine however. Those symptoms may have been bad but that was all it was. He was able to go home that same day and the doctors called it a simple panic/anxiety attack. His mother was worried sick for no reason.

From that moment forward things only began to get weirder for this normal teenaged boy.

₊˚⊹

Izuku sat at his desk reading his old journals of how he believes he got his powers, scoffing to himself at the memories. He had all his books all over his desk in a completely messy pile nose buried in his book as someone walked over and bumped his desk back into him, it lightly hit him in the stomach causing him to drop the journal in the desk and the desk of the books that were formerly there onto the floor.

He scoffed in annoyance looking up to see you with a shit eating grin on your face as you scowled down at him, not even apologizing as you walked out of the classroom.

Izuku seen as the classroom was completely empty, just him and his messy books all over the floor. He sighed and crouched down picking them up and shoving them into his backpack. His phone vibrated in his back pocket, he picked up up to see w text from his friends.

‘ hey! Meet us in the front?’

That singular text from ochako was all he needed for a small smile to form on his freckled cheeks. Just as he was about to put it away there was a pop up from the news channel he had downloaded on his phone, something about a criminal stealing from a jewelry shop.

He sighed to himself and texted her back explaining he wouldn't be able to meet them and that he'd just head home. However that wasn't the case. He ran out the back door of the school pushing through some students earning some angry and annoyed remarks spat at him; but he didnt have time to care. He ran behind some building and quickly slipped his suit on. He'd rather skip the embarrassing details..

Just as he was about to 'web away' he got a call from none other than katsuki bakugou. Izuku jumped and nearly dropped his phone at the sudden ringing, he quickly answers without thinking, lifting his mask over his mouth to speak,

“ oi nerd, y’heard about that criminal stealing that diamond or whatever?”

The normally volcanic boy has a soft tone still laced with a bit of redness and sass.

“ yes, kacchan, and before you called I was just about getting there so if y’dont mind!!!!”

The blond scoffs on the other side, chuckling as he snorts at his sass. Izuku groaned at the sound of him laughing and simply hung up swinging away as quickly as he could.

“ look up there! It's spiderman!!”

People squealed and yelled at the familiar colors of izukus suit, black along the sides and a deep green painting the front and back of his skin tight suit, and a big white spider over the chest. He'd made the suit when he was younger and had started working out he'd wanted to show it off but as of now he thinks it's quite unnecessary..

He swung through the crowds waving and smiling under the mask, as tiring as being spiderman was he was always thankful for the love he'd gotten. They truly made him feel valuable, izuku struggled with self confidence a lot, it's common in people like that to enjoy attention from all.

It wasn't that izuku needed to be humbled or anything but....izuku swung down an alley that reports seen the criminal go down, supposedly the diamond they had stolen was a very important artifact from ancient times or whatever, moral of the story was he needed to get it back to where it belonged! Izuku could do that!

He dropped in front of the criminal with a hero stance making him appear big n bad in front of them.

“ stop! give me that diamond, criminal!”

Izuku was obsessed with action movies when he was younger, his favorite actor was custom to working in them. He always imagined being a superhero and technically he is! However within these three years the fame and glory really went to his head ..

The criminal halted, izuku tried stepping closer to retrieve the diamond in a cool manner, speaking to the cloaked person in a soft voice trying to get them to come to their senses like some kind of......main character. To izukus surprise they pulled out a crossbow. He was stunned at the size of it,

“ how- how did that fit inside of your— ”

Before izuku could get the rest of his sentence out the criminal shot the arrow, it completely piercing izukus shoulder. He yelled out in pain nearly falling to his knees, that then made him realize that was no joke, this person being unlike any other petty thief hes gone up against.

As the criminal kicked izuku to the ground with a bare boot while he was holding his injured and punctured shoulder they quickly made haste and ran past him out of the alley, crowds soon coming up after the person ran away and seeing izuku clutching his shoulder run pain, all of them having different emotions on his face it would be an understatement to say he was embarrassed.

What had he thought that he was just invincible? Izuku struggled into his knees hearing whispers from the crowd and quickly tried his best to attempt swinging away with a singular arm, his left to be exact and that wasn't his maiden arm either. Izuku was fully right handed and did everything with it, with his right arm basically out of commission he did his best to swing with his left hand but...

He eventually wobbled and hit a sign, he was going at a high speed as well trying to hide his shame and find the person who did this to him, as his body came into full contract with the sign knocking every little bit of air out if his body the arrow got pushed deeper, making izuku groan in agony once more. Blood wetting his skin and suit as it dropped down, he didn't take the arrow out before because he thought about how it would cause him to bleed out and wouldn't be any good...now he wished he had.

He held onto the large sign and tried to swing away once more, he eventually got the hang of it for a little while managing to drop himself behind a building. He leaned against the wall of it and groaned, he wanted to take his suit off but it wouldn't be a good idea, anyone could've followed him or even tried to see who he was. It wasn't a good idea.

With every ounce of energy and strength in his body he pushed himself up from sliding to the ground and called who he knew he could.

“ yo?”

“ ka..kacchan... I need your...your help..”

₊˚⊹

AN: this is js a WIP lemme know what y'all think n if I should add or like yk leave out some things!!!!

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mysticruinedme · 3 hours ago

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woahhh okay. Yeah, I was aware that what I said lacked a lot of nuance, but someone, in this case Sonic, can do things for ‘selfish’ reasons/reasons based mostly on his own feelings, and that wouldn’t make him a bad person, or any less of what you just said about him! I don’t think it’s messed up to say that his core motivations for what he does are based off of his own enjoyment of doing good/adventuring, and I don’t think that’s inherently ‘selfish’ of him either, but it does stray away from the common archetype for a hero, who self-sacrifices themselves to save/do good for others because of their powers, which I found cool and interesting for Sonic.

I do think Sonic is kinda selfish when it comes to certain things, which is what I used this initial post to get into, but even then, what I meant by that was not anything negative about Sonic! He can do selfless/heroic things out of the kindness of his own heart, of course, and me saying that his reasons behind doing them may not be quite as selfless/heroic, (a.k.a his motivation for saving the world, thwarting Eggman’s plots, and going on adventures to help his friends as well as strangers, being that he loves adventure and enjoys living his life to the fullest by his own terms, and him knowing that he wouldn’t be able to do the things he loves anymore if Eggman or other forces succeeded in whatever they wanted to do), is not some insult to Sonic’s character, it’s just a way of looking at him!

Characters can have selfish/selfless reasons for doing things, no matter if the things they do are selfless/selfish in and of itself, and that doesn’t mean anything negative! I like that his motivations for what he does are a deep part of himself that come from his own enjoyment of things like life, adventure, and freedom, and that he’s motivated by his own passion for those things to do heroic things, and not solely the sakes of other people. I also like the idea of him being selfish and an asshole sometimes, even if he is a hero who does these amazing things for the world, cuz he’s still a person.

I am interested in other people’s interpretations of Sonic’s character, but the way you reblogged this felt very accusatory like you were mad, or that you thought the people agreeing with me were stupid, so I’m sorry if my post upset you. Let’s just be kind to each other and understand that characters like Sonic are deeper than what any one post may say about him, and that I was just talking about an interpretation of his character that I enjoyed. :3

I like the idea of Sonic being just as heroic as he is selfish - cuz the core motivation for half of what he does when in regards to Eggman and the world or whatever is going on at the time is cuz he himself enjoys those adventures, and not because he feels some sort of selfless obligation over his natural abilities to do anything that he does.

#it also gives off the impression that sonic would just stop doing good things once he stops finding them fun but uh... no???#there have been countless times where things got serious and he still chose to do the right thing.#<— yes! in the tags of my original post i did in fact say that of course in dire situations or situations where he knew his powers were #needed. it would be different.#i understand getting upset when people misinterpret things about a character you like #but some of the things you were saying others/i said were just not true!#things go deeper than what any one post says #and i think it’s important to remember that #and also to check the original post and see that i agreed with you before you got mad at me!!#this is also my first post that’s ever blown up in a way so sorry if i’m just not used #to people getting upset or mad #but it just seems like you’re being rude #and i don’t like that T-T

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mountttmase · 2 days ago

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Navigating

Note - happy New Year’s Eve babies 🩷 my lasts fic of 2024 can you believe it? This was meant to be a blurb I’ve ended up with over 13k word and if that’s doesn’t sum up my 2024 then I don’t know what will. Love you guys sm and feedback would be appreciated as always 😘🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 13.3k

Warnings - fluffy

Movie nights were becoming somewhat of a monthly tradition at your best friend Libby’s house, and whilst the group had grown in size a little bit lately, it was still a highlight of your week to go and spend time with your people.

Most of the people here you went to school with, however funnily enough you didn't really become that close with them until you’d left school. It was your best friend Libby who was more friendly with them as they shared a lot of classes together but after a few nights out and mini holidays you liked to think of them as your friends too. The group only becoming closer when Libby finally got together with Aaron, a boy who’d been in her history class, who she’d always had a crush on and now you all hung out as often as you could.

The group grew even more when a few of the boys got girlfriends of their own as well as the girls inviting along their boyfriends until there was around 15 or so of you.

Unfortunately for you, you were one of the permanently single members of the gang. You didn’t mind it so much as you were quite happy waiting for Mr Right to come along at the perfect time but when Libby and Aaron were all over each other at all hours of the day it was hard not to feel a little left out.

They say opposites attract and Libby was everything you weren’t. She was fun, energetic and loved having everyone round her’s to entertain where as you just liked to show up and eat the snacks. Her and Aaron were as solid and a rock yet you could barely look at a boy and as new members were added every so often you never had anyone to bring with you.

‘You know what would be fun? Secret Santa’ Libby announced to the room as everyone was taking their seats. Her eyes sparkling with pure joy as she clapped her hands together excitedly but you were just hoping everyone else in the room wasn’t as into it as she was.

Whilst you didn’t hate the idea you also knew you didn’t know everyone here that well and the idea of having to buy for some of the boys in the group filled you with dread. There were some other single girls mixed in and a few single guys but you always made sure you were with Libby when you hung out and as much as you could make nervous small talk sometimes, the thought of picking a gift for some of these people filled you with dread.

‘We won’t be able to see each other at Christmas though, is there any point?’ You asked quietly, trying to make yourself as invisible as possible like always but you could see a few of the others who were in earshot around you nod in agreement.

‘We can just extend the deadline then, we’ll all be at Masons for new years right? We can just do it then it won’t make any difference’ she shrugged and you could see Aaron nodding along in agreement.

‘I’m in’ he told her, looking round to ask the rest of the guys who all seemed to be now nodding along and you knew there was no way you could back out of it now.

‘Okay but can we set a price limit? We don’t need everyone going big and I end up getting someone a stapler’ you mumbled, hearing a few chuckles from across the room and when you looked up some of the boys that had been listening in were smiling at you.

‘Why would you get someone a stapler?’ Libby asked, snapping your gaze away from them but you just shrugged. Your cheeks burning as everyone’s attention was on you and you didn’t know how to act now.

‘They come in handy sometimes’ you whispered, playing with your fingers in your lap in hopes someone would take over and say something else and thankfully Libby read your mind and went into presentation mode.

‘Okay so how about £20? It’s only got to be something small and silly’ she asked the group and thankfully everyone was nodding. ‘Amazing! I’ll write everyone’s name down and we can pick them out of a hat’

The only hat she could find was the one currently on Aaron’s head and as he handed it over to her you sat and looked around the group to figure out who’s name you’d want and not want to pick out but before you knew it she’d passed the hat to you and you’d picked out the first name.

You had to wait before you could read it though, her telling everyone to wait until everyone had a name so you could open them together but the tiny piece of paper was hot in your hand. You knew it was just a silly secret Santa but you didn’t want to make an idiot out of yourself in front of all these people or piss someone off by getting them something they hated.

‘Okay open!’ Libby suddenly called, everyone scrambling to open their notes and you took a big gulp before undoing yours.

Shit.

Mason was at the bottom of your list of people you wanted to pick, that was for sure. What do you buy the man that has everything?

Mason was probably the person you knew the least. He was fairly new to the group as he’d only moved up here a short while ago. The boys had spoken about him frequently as they told you they used to play against him when they were in the united academy but unfortunately none of them made it as far as he had. You’d always figured they were pulling your leg but after he’d moved up and Aaron sent a picture of all the boys in a group call playing fifa you had to concede that they were telling the truth.

You didn’t meet him until six months later, him joining everyone for a movie night at Libby's house and you still weren’t exactly sure why someone like him wanted to hang around with a bunch of nobodies like you lot but he seemed friendly enough and all the boys loved having him around. It also helped that he was easy on the eye but you kept to yourself just like always but you always made sure to say hello to each other if nothing else. From what you could see from his interactions with the boys, he was funny and easy going and had gotten you into some pretty cool parties in the last few months but you’d never had much of a proper conversation with him.

That was about to change soon though, excusing yourself into the kitchen so you could grab a drink but since so many people were here tonight Libby’s fridge had been basically cleared apart from a can or two right towards the back. Unfortunately for you they were just out of your reach and you huffed in annoyance as you cursed her for getting such a ridiculously tall fridge.

‘Would you like me to get that for you?’ You suddenly heard from behind you. Turning to the boy that had been plaguing your thoughts for the last 20 minutes for all the wrong reasons but right now you were happy to see him.

‘Please’ you smiled. Letting Mason grab the last two remaining cans before he passed you one over and you sent him an appreciative smile. ‘Thank you. Maybe you can spread the word to whoever’s got me for secret Santa that I could do with a stepladder’ you joked. Rolling your eyes a bit so you could make it obvious you were being silly but he just smiled back at you kindly.

‘Well at least you’ve got ideas, I dread to think what the person that got me is thinking’ he laughed. ‘I was gonna back out, you know cause I don’t know everyone super well, but Libby was looking at me like she’d rip my head off’

‘Oh trust me, I’ve been on the receiving end of that look many times and I know it's not fun’ you sympathised. ‘Are you happy with who you picked?’

‘Not sure happy is the right word, more confused I’d say but I think I’d feel the same with whoever I got. What about you?’

‘Pretty much the same’ you laughed. It suddenly hitting you how easy you were finding it to talk to him since you’d barely spoken before. You wanted to talk to him more but the sound of everyone laughing in the living room snapped you both out of your little bubble and he was nodding back towards there.

‘Shall we go back? If I miss too much I’ll never be able to get back into it what with my short attention span’ he chuckled and you nodded thinking the same. Following him back into the living room so you could take your place back next to Libby as he took his seat a few spaces down in between two of the other boys.

‘Something you want to tell me?’ Libby whispered. Leaning her head down so she could speak quietly in your ear but you were confused as to what she was going on about.

‘What?’

‘You and Mason? You were both gone ages’ she winked but you just frowned back at her.

‘Don’t do that’ you huffed, watching her smile smugly at you but it soon dropped when she realised you weren’t happy with her teasing. Something she tended to do often and even though she probably didn't mean any harm it still annoyed you. Any boy you so much as looked at she had something to say to you and that teasing glint in her eye was driving you insane.

‘Do what?’

‘Try and make something out of nothing. He just helped me reach a drink that’s all’ you huffed. Crossing your arms as you sunk back into the seat and you knew that Libby realised she’d annoyed you as she offered you her bag of M&M’s with a sorry smile.

You tried to ignore what she’d said, knowing she didn’t mean anything by it but now she’d said it you couldn’t concentrate on the movie as Mason was filling your thoughts. Even sneaking a little glance over at him every so often but he was fully engrossed in the movie and you felt stupid that one little comment from her was making you act like this.

That was until around half an hour later when you seemingly let your eyes wander over to where he was sitting again and you found him looking back at you already. A soft smile playing on his lips as he realised he’d been caught but you just smiled back before looking back to the tv as you felt your cheeks burn.

You didn’t get to speak to him anymore that night, having to rush home so you could get ready for work the next day but that didn’t mean he left your thoughts. Frantically thinking about what you could possibly get him that wasn’t boring or cliche but you were coming up blank. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of him and everyone else by getting him something rubbish and even though this whole thing was meant to be fun you were feeling more stressed than ever.

Soon enough it was Friday though and you managed to get out of work early. Getting off the train a stop early so you could take a wander through the park whilst it was still light outside always made you feel ten times better and you knew your favourite little secret coffee shop would still be open at this time so you headed there first. The sound of leaves crunching with every step was filling you with joy but the sudden sound of a big dog barking made you jump out of your skin moments after.

The noise went as quickly as it came, hearing whoever the dog's owner was calming them down pretty quickly but you could tell they were heading your way and you froze. You loved dogs, but big ones always frightened you at first and when you looked over to your right where the source of the noise was coming from, you saw a huge German shepherd with the fluffiest ears you’d ever seen.

‘Y/n? Is that you?’

‘Mason?’ You questioned. Watching the person come more into view and your suspicions were confirmed straight away as he greated you with his signature wide smile.

‘You alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost’ he joked so you straightening yourself up and tried to look like you hadn’t nearly peed your pants.

‘Oh no, sorry I’m fine’ you smiled as your eyes averted to the huge dog sitting obediently next to him. ‘Who’s this?’

‘This is Ace’ he grinned. ‘Sorry if he was really loud a second ago, he saw a squirrel and freaked out’

‘That’s okay’ you smiled. Reaching out to scratch his head and thankfully enough he seemed pretty placid now. ‘Mase and Ace, huh? You sound like a crime fighting duo’

‘Well if he’s gonna shit himself at the sight of a squirrel I don’t see that ending very well’ he joked and you had to cover your mouth to hold in your giggles ‘What are you doing here at this time?’

‘Oh I finished work a bit early so I was just cutting through here to get a coffee’ you explained and a look of confusion took over his face.

‘Where from? I’ve been gasping for about half an hour’

‘It’s just round the corner, there’s a little coffee shop just in the woods’ you told him and before you knew it the next sentence was tumbling from your lips. ‘You fancy coming with me?’

‘Oh um- yeah sure’ he agreed, nodding excitedly and with that he followed you down the path and in the direction you were going in before he got there.

You made small talk as you walked to the cafe. A small hidden spot in the woods that you wouldn’t know was there unless you’d been shown but it was you who’d stumbled across it one day and was a secret you’d hadn't shared with anyone until now.

‘This is cute’ he noted as you approached and you had to agree with him. The little wooden hut looked like something out of one of those hallmark Christmas movies and it was your favourite spot for a little pick me up.

‘Yeah, well this stays between us’ you winked and he held his hand over his heart as if to promise it would. ‘Why don’t you grab a bench, I can run inside and get them’ you smiled. ‘What would you like?’

‘Oh, uh latte please but let me-

‘I know what you’re about to say, and the answer is no’ you smiled. Watching him roll his eyes before pulling Ace over to a picnic bench and you ran inside to grab your coffees and a few sweet treats

You were just gathering everything together when it suddenly hit you that this could be incredibly awkward. You didn’t know Mason and you weren’t good at small talk so you were beginning to wonder why you’d offered to bring him here in the first place. In the end you figured you could use this to your advantage and see if you could learn anything about him in order to get him something for secret Santa and you rehearsed a few questions in your head as you walked back over.

‘I got us a few treats, you can have the first pick’

‘Oh thank you, you shouldn’t have’ he smiled, reaching for the brownie and you made a mental note that he was a chocolate fan. ‘So how come you got to leave work early?

‘Oh some weird early Christmas thing they do, they let you choose if you want to work the morning or the afternoon and I chose morning. Why anyone would would pick the afternoon is beyond me’

‘This is so embarrassing, but I don't actually think I know what you do for work’ he laughed awkwardly and even though you pretend like you were offended there probably was no way of him knowing as you’d never spoken to him about it before

So you went on a bit of a deep dive and explained to him the wonderful world of data analysing and that you mostly worked with spreadsheets all day. You weren’t sure if he seemed impressed or thought you were mental but he was listening intently and you thought it was nice he was taking such an interest. This wasn’t going how you’d planned though as you were meant to be finding out more about him and so far all you’d worked out was his coffee of choice was a latte and he likes brownies.

You were having a nice time though, laughing away as you chatted easily but there was something about coffee that always made you overheat. No matter if it was freezing outside like right now or if you were just at home in the warm anyway, you always felt the same and you could feel the familiar heat traveling up your neck.

Mason was still asking you questions and taking quite a keen interest in what you did so you carried on speaking as you shrugged off your coat and placed your scarf next to you. This did mean you were only left in a t shirt but the cool breeze felt like heaven against your hot skin.

You were halfway through your sentence when you realised Mason wasn’t listening to you. Looking up to see his eyes fixated on your chest as he looked there intently and you could feel your arms crossing over your body to protect yourself from his gaze.

His eyes were back on your face immediately. Cheeks burning as he realised what you must have thought he was doing and it was like he didn’t know what to say as he fought to get his words out.

‘I’m s-sorry, I was just trying to read what that said’ he stuttered. Pointing to the words on your shirt that were just above your heart. ‘I promise I’m not being weird’

‘It’s okay’ you laughed, uncrossing your arms as you both giggled awkwardly and you sat with your hands in your lap so you could nervously play with your fingers under the table.

‘What does it mean?’ He whispered after a second and you could feel yourself internally cringing at having to speak about something like this to someone when you usually kept it so private.

‘It’s just some lyrics’ you shrugged, hoping he’d move on from it but unfortunately he was intent on finding out more.

‘Oh I see, what song is it?’ He asked and you cast your eyes over the lyrics once more.

But when our fingers touch, I feel my way back home

‘Navigating, twenty one pilots’

‘Ah I’ve heard of them, can’t say I’ve ever listened to them before though’ he told you before taking a sip of his coffee. ‘You like them?

‘Yeah’

‘Sorry, stupid question’ he laughed, he cheeks turning a healthy shade of pink but you just smiled back as it was something you would have probably asked him if you were the one grilling him. ’Have you ever seen them live?’

‘No, like I’d love to but I’ve not really got anyone to go with plus crowds aren’t really my thing and i probably wouldn’t even be able to afford it’

‘Really? Why wouldn’t you take Libby?’ He asked but you just shrugged as that was a bit of a sore subject for you.

‘Not her type of thing’

‘What about your boyfriend?’ He asked quietly. His eyes avoiding yours as he looked to the table and you wondered if he was asking this sneakily to figure you out or just genuinely didn’t know.

‘One has to have a boyfriend in order to take one somewhere’ you told him but he kept his head down as he nodded.

‘I see’

You didn’t have a chance to reply, a little boy and his dad coming over looking all apologetic and asking for a picture so you offered to hold Ace’s lead whilst he spoke with them for a bit and it suddenly hit you in the face that this wasn’t just your sort of friend you were having a quick coffee with. This was Mason Mount.

‘Listen, as much as I’d love to stay, I need to head home. I’m off for an away game tomorrow and I need to pack’ he smiled and even though you didn’t know him all that well you knew he’d been out for a while after an injury and this would be his first time being back in the squad again.

‘Oh cool, who are you playing?’

‘Ipswich’

‘Ah okay, well make sure you take a hat, I’ve heard it’s supposed to be freezing tomorrow and you don’t want your ears to get cold’ you told him. Mentally face palming yourself and wondering why you’d said that but he just smiled at you warmly.

‘I will’ he chuckled. ‘Do you want me to grab you another coffee before I go?’

‘I’m fine, I promise’ you reassured him and his kind eyes made your tummy flip as he sent a smile your way.

‘Well I’ll get the next one then’ he chuckled before bidding you goodbye and leaving you to finish off your drink.

You were putting everything in the bin when you realised Mason had forgotten something. Noticing the bottle that was for ace still sat on his chair and you didn’t know what to do.

You had Masons number, not that you’d ever texted him before but he was part of the movie night group chat so it wouldn't take that much for you to grab his number and text him. You weren’t sure how he’d react though and wondered if he’d be mad at you for not asking permission first but in the end you talked yourself round and sent him a quick text letting him know you had it.

You felt a weight lifted knowing he wasn’t mad at you and the little kiss at the end made your face flush. It was only one little letter but it was in the mind for the rest of the night to the point where you wondered why. Mason was was in a whole different league to you but you couldn’t deny you that you’d had a good time sitting and talking with him that afternoon.

You thought that might be the end of your private conversations with Mason but the next morning you woke up to see a notification from him on your phone and you felt your pulse quicken. Opening it as quickly as you could in your half asleep state and the sight of his face made you smile.

You’d never seen a game of football in your life but you made sure to keep an eye on the score when he was playing but when you saw it came to draw you wondered if you should send him a teasing text about it’s because he’s not worn a hat. In the end you decided against it as you didn’t want to overstep the line or even worse get ignored.

It was him that texted you next a day later as you were coming home from work and when you saw his name flash up on screen after it buzzed in your hand it was like a wave of excitement and anticipation rolled through you.

You were almost home so you quickly nipped into Sainsburys to grab everything you needed whilst Mason texted you his address. Offering to pick you up if he was too far but it was only a few bus stops away and there was one just pulling up as you left the shop. A short walk after you’d got off led you up a private road and when you were outside his drive all you could think about was how it looked like a castle.

You saw his little head moving in the front window as you walked up the path and soon enough he was opening the front door for you when you were about halfway there. His usual bright smile dressed on his face as he stood and waited for you and as you got near he stepped to the side and motioned for you to come in.

‘Here she is’ he beamed. ‘You know you didn’t need to do this, I would have come and got them’

‘I know, but I had Ace’s bottle too so I figured I’d grab that, and you’ve been traveling’ you told him as you stepped inside and a delicious feeling of warmth hit you immediately.

‘But you’ve been at work all day’

‘Yeah, sat on my arse’ you giggled and you followed after him as he lead you into the kitchen, offering you a drink whilst he popped his washing on and you couldn’t help but notice all the random assortment of things on his kitchen counter.

‘What’s all this?’ You asked, eyes taking over the random bits of paper, tickets and photos’

‘Oh just some bits I bought back. I always like to bring something back when I’ve been to an away game’

‘What do you do with it all?

‘It’s just in a big box right now. I’ve been meaning to organise it and stuff, you know so it’s easy to look back on, but I wouldn’t know where to start’

‘You should start scrapbooking’ you told him without even thinking but the short little laugh made your head snap up to look at him opposite you.

‘You what?’

‘Scrapbooking? I started doing it a few years ago with some of my old stuff from when I was a kid. It’s just a nice way of keeping it all together you know?’ You gulped, hoping you didn’t sound too ridiculous but he was nodding like he liked the idea so you didn’t feel too silly anymore. ‘And when I’ve been looking at mind numbing spreadsheets all day it’s nice to do something a little creative’

‘Do you have any pictures of yours?’ He asked, coming round to your side of the island so he could perch next to you and when his arm touched yours you felt yourself flush.

What’s happening to me? You questioned. Wondering if it was just being inside his house that was making you feel so hot and bothered but it didn’t help that his soft smile seemed to be melting your insides.

‘Not loads’ you gulped. Flicking through a few photos you’d taken of pages you were pretty proud of and he seemed fairly impressed. Asking you loads of questions about how you did it and what you used until your conversion moved to him asking about the memories you’d put in there.

‘You got dinner plans?’ He asked as his eyes looked up to the clock on his wall and you realised how late it was getting and you hadn’t had a thing since lunch.

‘No, I hadn’t thought that far ahead’ you laughed. ‘I’ll probably just pick something up on the way home’

‘Let me make you something, for saving my bacon’

‘Oh Mase, I-‘

‘Please? It’s the least I can do’ he told you but you still didn’t know if you should accept. ‘it’s just spag Bol, don’t worry I won’t kill you’

‘Okay’ you laughed. Smiling back at him just as wide as he had when you accepted his offer and he was quick to get up to make a start. Letting you help as he told you where things were that he needed but you also used it as an excuse to have a snoop around his kitchen.

‘Why do you have a million man united pens?’ You asked after a while. Your eyes catching the huge pile at the side by the fridge and you noticed the shy awkward look take over his face.

‘I always take one so I can sign stuff for the guys who wait outside but then I bring it home and forget to take it back with me again so I pick another one up and the cycle continues’ he huffed. ‘Help yourself if you want one’

You were surprised at how much of a good cook he was, asking if you could have the recipe but he let you know it was a Mount family secret and the only way to get it was to join. You knew it was just a joke but the idea made you blush and you knew you’d have to leave soon so you didn’t make a fool out of yourself. He offered to drop you but you knew he had an early training session so you told him you’d be fine on the bus as you didn’t live far. He wasn’t happy with this though and demanded he got you an uber so to avoid an argument you accepted.

It was on your way home you had a long hard think about what to get Mason for Christmas. So far he’d been asking you more questions than the other way around but from what you’d learnt tonight you wondered if getting him his own scrapbooking stuff would be a good gift. He’d told you he wanted to sort all his memories out and seemed really interested in what you’d done but you wondered if it was something he’d start himself or if he’d need a push.

Once you were in bed you made a start to find him the perfect scrapbook. In the end picking two as you couldn’t decide between the deep blue or the red and figured he might like to have both to keep both phases of his life separate. Everything else you figured you could grab from your usual stationary shop the next time you went as you could see the perfect stickers for him in your mind.

You kept away from talking to him until his next game. You knew he hadn’t started the game but you’d seen a lot of praise for him online and you couldn’t help but send him a quick message.

From that day onwards you kept in contact everyday, even if it was just a little good luck text before a game or evenings you’d spend the whole night talking. Your little fingers furiously tapping away at your screen to the point you didn’t want to say goodbye some nights and he never made you feel annoying or like you were a bother to him.

Your aim to try and find out more about him was working wonders as you were finding out new things every day. His favourite sweets, his favourite drink, his favourite holiday he’s ever been on. All now in your brain for future use but it was a week and a half later that you thought you’d learned something you didn’t want to.

You were at Libbys for a catch up, her and Aaron having taken a small trip the week before and she’d invited you over for some pizza and a catch up but you knew before you’d even started you should have done it at your house. Aaron was clearly online with all the boys playing one of their games and his cries were louder than you’d ever heard them. In the end you took it upon yourself to try and sort out the situation.

It seemed to do the trick and you and Libby were able to have a conversation in peace for the most part. Aaron reemerged around an hour and a half later to come and get a drink but he stopped by the sofa to check in on you both.

‘How’s your game?’ You asked and he smiled at the fact you’d taken an interest.

‘Yeah good, it’s just Mase and a few of the boys’ he shrugged. ‘Speaking of Mase, I’m 95% sure he’s got a girlfriend’

You weren’t sure why, but you felt your heart sink immediately. You enjoyed spending time with him lately and knowing he’d kept it from you stung a little bit. You kept your face as blank as possible though as Libby started to grill Aaron about it excitedly.

‘Why do you think that?’

‘He was texting someone as we were playing and you should have seen the smile on his face like that’s an I’m down bad for a girl smile’

‘I’ve never known Mason to even be talking to a girl the whole time we’ve known him’ she said, turning to look at you for some sort of agreement on your part but you just shrugged wishing you’d never asked.

‘Trust me, he talks to girls. He can get pretty much whoever he wants’ he shrugged, your heart now beating in your ears as you felt your skin flush. ‘This is different though, It's not a hookup smile it’s an i worship the ground you walk on type smile’

‘Is that how you smile when you think of me’ she smiled. Her hand on his thigh as he placed a kiss to her head and you felt like you were watching in on an intimate moment.

‘Always’ he whispered sinserly.

‘Ugh, you two make me sick’ you huffed, wanting to get up and leave them to it but you could see Aaron getting up to go so you stayed where you were.

‘Sorry squirt’ Aaron smiled, ruffling your hair as he passed by the back of you and you groaned as you got it back into place.

‘Anyway I won’t believe you until I meet this girl’ Libby called and you wished the pair of them would just drop it. You tummy swirling with sadness as you thought about him flirting with someone else and it took everything in you to try and seem unbothered.

‘I promise you, my spidey senses are always correct and I definitely think he’s got the eyes for someone. Maybe he’ll bring her to the next movie night if I can convince him?’

‘Ooo yes you should try’ she smiled, clapping her hands excitedly as you knew she loved entertaining for new people but you couldn’t think of anything worse than meeting Mason's new lady friend and having to act like it didn’t bother you.

‘Hey y/n? In case I don’t see you before you go, what’s your favourite chocolate?’ Aaron suddenly asked, turning back to you both just as he was about to leave and you were confused by the sudden random question.

‘Dairy milk, why?’

‘Mason was asking. He’s been asking a lot of questions about you now I come to think of it’ he mused but you wanted to move away from the topic as quickly as possible.

‘Oh… I’m sure it’s nothing’ you laughed. ‘Maybe he’s making a list of stuff he needs for new years?’

‘Oh yeah, could be’ he shrugged but you made sure to change the subject as quickly as you could so Libby didn’t ask anymore questions and put you on the spot.

It was less than five minutes later when Mason messaged you. A smug smile on your face as you read it over what he’d said but it wasn’t until you were on the way home and you reflected over the evening that it hit you what might be happening.

Why did you care? He was just a guy in your friendship group who was way out of your league and probably wouldn’t look twice at you anyway. You weren’t even sure if you could refer to him as a friend at this point as it was only over the last few weeks you’d grown somewhat closer so why did you care if he had a girlfriend?

Because you knew he didn’t look at you like he looked at everyone else. Because you knew he was bringing out a whole new side of you where you didn’t feel like a spare part or a burden and because his smile lit up a part of you you didn’t even know existed until now.

You never expected to have a crush on anyone at this point in your life, let alone Mason, and you had no idea what to do about it. The idea of pushing it down was appealing as the thought of him finding out was not on the top of your list of fun things to do and you knew it wouldn’t be that simple. You’d be spending more time with him soon enough and you didn’t want to act weird around him and scare him off so you figured you could just act like everything was normal and hopefully he’d be none the wiser in time for your crush to inevitably wear off.

You managed to keep things up until a few days later when it was movie night again. The last one of the year and you were really hoping you could spend some time with him beforehand as you’d be sat with Libby when the movie was on. Unfortunately for you he was nowhere to be seen and you knew Libby was looking at you weirdly as you constantly looked around the room.

‘Hey you’ you suddenly heard as you had your head buried in your phone, Mason's cheerful voice filling your ears and when you turned to see him you felt your heart thump. Trying to bite back a smile as he made his way over through the sea of everyone else and his boyish grin was making your tummy flutter.

‘Hey, you alright?’ You smiled back, trying not to let on too much about how happy you were to see him but he was smiling back at you just as widely and it was contagious.

‘Yeah good, training was a bit later today and it was tough so I’m knackered’

‘Well at least you can sit down for a bit now’ you offered as you pushed a drink you’d saved for him towards him and he gave you a grateful smile.

‘Speaking of sitting, will you come sit next to me for a sec? I wanna show you something’ he asked as he nodded towards the living and you followed him into his usual spot on the sofa. It was a few seats from where you usually sat but you figured you’d have time to move before the movie started. ‘What do you think?’ He asked as he passed you his phone and it took a second to realise what you were seeing. Laughing as you tried to speak and as you leant onto him he squeezed your thigh softly.

‘What’s this?’

‘I was talking to my tattoo artist the other day and he was asking about Ace. I mentioned you said we sound like a crime fighting duo and he sent me this yesterday morning’ he laughed, enlarging the hand drawn image of Mason and Ace dressed up like superheroes and you thought it was the best thing you’d ever seen.

‘This is incredible’ you laughed. ‘You should so get this tattooed somewhere’

‘Oh yeah?’ He winked. ‘I was thinking on my ribs? Like right under the champions league one’

‘Oh yeah, the perfect spot’ you teased. The pair of you chuckling away as you sat and spoke and just like always with Mason time seemed to pass you both by quickly.

The room had slowly started to fill up but you took no notice until the lights were being dimmed and you realised you weren’t sat next to Libby like always. Looking over to see her pouting at you but you felt too awkward to move now as everyone was sat down and you’d have to shuffle everyone up from their seats to be back with her. Not to mention you’d feel rude moving away from Mason.

‘You want a blanket, Mase?’ You suddenly heard from one of the boys across the room. Watching it catapult through the air but he caught it easily and when he unfolded it and laid it over the both of your laps you felt your cheeks burn.

‘You okay to share?’ He asked quietly. A slight quiver of shyness in his voice but you figured you must have been hearing things. There was no reason he would ever need to be shy with you and you figured it must have just been him trying to keep quiet around everyone. ‘Have you um, have you got enough room?’ He questioned. Trying his best to turn himself into the corner of the sofa to make sure you had enough space but you were quite happy being pressed up against him so you just nodded and let him lay his arm across the back of the sofa behind you.

You tried your best to focus on the movie in front of you but Mason was fidgeting a bit. You wondered if it was just him and that he was always like this but when you looked up to his face you could see he was trying to fight himself from falling asleep. He’d told you earlier it was a pretty brutal training session and clearly he was paying for it now but he looks so awkward and uncomfortable you weren’t sure if you should wake him up.

You went against it in the end, just manoeuvring him a little so he could rest his head on yours as you popped your head on his shoulder and you couldn’t contain your smile as he linked his arm through yours and hugged it to his chest.

You spent the next hour with him peacefully sleeping on you. His gentle snores and warm body almost sending you off to sleep yourself but you kept yourself awake and when the movie was over and the lights back on you felt him jolt awake.

‘Shit, was i asleep?’ He mumbled. Trying to look around the room to figure out where he was and you thought he looked adorable in his half awake state.

‘I think you were only awake for the first ten minutes’ you chuckled, watching his face contort in embarrassment but he had nothing to be embarrassed of at all.

‘Sorry if I crushed you’

‘You were surprisingly comfortable’ you whispered, looking up to see him smiling shyly at you but before either of you could speak Libby had come to stand in front of both of you and you were suddenly hyper aware of the fact you were both still under the blanket with his arms wrapped around yours.

‘Hey Mase? Aaron was sure you’d be bringing your new girlfriend tonight but instead you just stole mine’ she sneered and you felt yourself stiffen with awkwardness. Wondering what Mason would say or do but thankfully he just smiled back at her and held your arm a little tighter.

‘You’ve got Aaron’ he shrugged, trying to make out she was still fine but when she put her hands on her hips you knew she was more pissed off than she appeared to be.

‘But movie nights are our nights’

‘Well unfortunately you’ll have to learn to share’ he laughed. Letting you go before wrapping his arms around your shoulders from behind and pulling you back towards him like he was claiming you. You felt your cheeks burn at how he was acting with you but you couldn’t say you weren’t enjoying this side of him no matter how Libby was looking at you.

‘I didn’t even know you two spoke’

‘Well now you do’ he shrugged nonchalantly before unwrapping himself from you. ‘I wouldn’t worry, she’s only here for my spag bol recipe’ he joked but it went straight over Libby's head as she looked back at the pair of you blankly. ‘Anyway, I need to be getting off. I’ve got training early and I need to sort my washing out’

‘I need to go too, I’m on an early start tomorrow’ you told her but Mason grabbed your arm just as you were standing up.

‘I’ll drop you home, yeah?’ He offered but before you could reply there was a scoff beside you.

‘What the fuck is going on?’ she questioned but you didn’t have time to explain and right now you didn’t exactly want to.

‘I’ll text you, okay?’ You told her. Pulling her in for a quick hug before following Mason out the door and as soon as you were plugged into the seat you knew the questions were coming.

‘Libby is intense sometimes. I get the feeling she doesn’t like us talking’ Mason told you as he pulled away from the curb and you shrugged your shoulders in response. Libby has been your best friend since you were kids but she was a bit of a control freak and whilst she liked to know the ins and outs of everyone else’s business, she very rarely shared much of her own life unless you pushed hard.

‘She’ll be fine, I think she just feels out of the loop’

‘What loop would that be?’ He quizzed lightly but you didn’t have the guts to look at him right now.

‘Well we’ve never really spoken before, I can see why she might be a bit confused’

‘And you didn’t tell her we talk?’

‘No’ you gulped, fiddling with your fingers in your lap for some sort of distraction but the next thing you knew Mason had pried them apart with his own and held one to stop you fidgeting. A kind smile on his face as he continued to look ahead and drive but you were thankful he wasn’t looking at you as you now resembled a tomato and you figured you should keep talking so you didn’t spiral about what was going on right now. ‘I didn’t see the need to and I like keeping this between us. She keeps things from me all the time yet wants to know everything about me. I just liked things being a little private cause I know she likes to make a big deal out of everything, I hope that’s not weird’

‘Not at all, I like it’ he reassured you. Squeezing your hand softly before letting go and you missed his warmth immediately ‘So I guess the next time I’ll see you will be new years?’

You hadn't realised you’d pulled up outside your house already, too distracted by the way his hand felt in yours and when he turned to you in his seat you did the same to get a better look at him.

‘I guess so yeah’ you nodded sadly. ‘I hope you have a lovely Christmas, and good luck with all your games’

‘Thank you, you too’ he smiled before a look of uncertainty washed over his face. ‘Do you um… let me walk you to your door’

‘Oh don’t be silly’ you told him but he was already unplugging himself and reaching for his door handle.

‘No no, I want to’ he smiled and you didn’t want to fight him on it so you just got out and led the way. Turning to face him as you reached your front door and you were both looking at each other like you didn’t know what to say.

‘Do you want to come in or…’ you started but you knew when he popped his hands in his pockets that it was going to be a no.

‘Best not, I’ve got to be up early-‘

‘Oh sorry, of course’ you laughed but he just smiled back softly at you.

‘Don’t be silly’ he smiled, reaching for your arm and pulling you towards his body and before you knew it you were tucked against him as he wrapped his arms around you.

It was like all the noise in your brain stopped. A calmness falling over you as he held you to his chest and your whole body relaxed into his as you felt his body do the same. God he smells so good you thought as you took a deep breath and you couldn’t stop yourself from holding him a bit tighter. You hadn't had a hug like this in a while and it was like you could feel all the broken parts of you being filled up by him.

‘Thank you for letting me sleep on you earlier’ he whispered into your hair and all you wanted to do was melt into him more.

‘Anytime’ you laughed and when he started to pull back you did the same. Quickly saying goodnight to each other before he darted back to the car and you noticed he didn’t leave until he knew you were inside.

You weren’t expecting to hear from him over the next few days. It was a really important game coming up for him and all he’d done was tell you how excited he was to play but the game had barely started and you felt your heart drop.

You hadn't even seen what had happened, but the distraught look on his face as he sat on the pitch was like nothing you’d ever felt before. You wanted to run to him, to hold him like he’d held you a few nights ago and let him know it was okay and that you were there for him but you couldn’t. You just started blankly at your screen as he walked off the pitch and down the tunnel.

You didn’t know what to do, if he wanted to hear from you or anyone at all, but in the end you sent him a text. Even if he didn’t reply you still wanted him to know you were there for him no matter what and later on that night before bed his name was flashing up on your screen.

Not exactly the reply you were hoping for but you understood. He was frustrated and hurt and probably wasn't in the mood for anyone or anything but the next day at around 4pm his name was flashing up again.

So he called you that night, and the night after you called him. Each night turning into one you’d spend on the phone with him for at least an hour but it always felt like five minutes. Letting Mason offload about how upset and disappointed he was with this fresh injury yet with each passing day you noticed him perk up a bit. Taking his mind off of everything and getting him excited for the holidays and it melted your heart to hear him talk about spending time with his family and getting to see all the little ones.

You figured Christmas Day he’d be too busy to talk but he text you in the evening asking for a chat and you loved listening to him talk about his day. Letting each other know what gifts you’d gotten and what you’d done until the excitement of the day had gotten too much for him and you heard his sleepy snores on the other end of the line.

If there was ever a time you wanted to crawl through the phone and be with him it would have been now as the thought of him sleeping all alone pulled on your heart strings. You wanted to hold him and stroke his hair and fall asleep right next to him but to you it was just a dream.

By the time New Year’s Eve had rolled around you’d spoken every day in between. You knew today would be different as you were actually getting to see him and you were nervous beyond belief but also filled with excitement at maybe getting to speak to him later. You knew he might be busy as it was his party but you were holding out hope that he could make time for you even just for a bit.

The plan was to get ready at Libby's house so you could get your drink on a bit early before you left and as soon as you were ready she was calling Aaron in to take pictures of the pair of you. She looked stunning all dressed up in a short sparkly number and you felt under dressed in comparison. Opting for a little black dress that was your trusty favourite as you just wanted to be comfortable tonight but now you were wondering if you should have worn something else.

‘Do you know if Masons, okay? You know after the injury? I'd hate to turn up and he doesn’t want company’ Libby asked Aaron as you all got your coats on and you listened intently to Aaron’s answer.

‘I’ll be honest baby, no one’s really heard from him since it happened. We’ve text him but he’s not said too much’ he shrugged but you made sure to keep quiet. Trying to keep the smile off your face at the fact he was seemingly only talking to you and you couldn’t help but feel a little smug about it.

You didn’t see Mason when you arrived, Aaron just barging his way in like he’d owned the place and after you’d shrugged your coats off you made your first stop in the dining room so you could drop your gifts onto the table before following the pair of them into the main living room. It was full of people and your eyes were only looking for one person to the point where Aaron and Libby had walked off to say hello to some of your friends and you hadn’t even realised.

It didn’t take much longer to spot him, standing with a guy you didn’t know and two girls in the tightest dresses you’d ever seen. Your mood plummeting as you watched the one closest to him laugh at what he was saying as she placed a hand on his upper arm and you had to look away.

You felt a set of eyes on you a few seconds after though, looking back up to see Mason looking your way with a soft smile on his face and you couldn’t help but mirror it. You wanted nothing more than to head straight over to him but the company he was with scared you and you didn’t want to interrupt. He was two steps ahead of you though and quickly said goodbye to the people he was with before making his way over to you.

‘You’re here’ he smiled. Stopping just in front of you and you wondered if he would hug you or touch you in any way but he didn’t. His smile and eyes a little dozy from where he’d been drinking but you knew he wasn’t drunk and if anything it just made him look even more adorable as his eyes flickered all over your face.

‘I’m here’ you laughed, not really knowing what to say as you were so nervous and you knew he was looking at your hands as you were playing with your fingers like usual.

‘You look… you look really nice’

‘Thank you’ you whispered, your cheeks heating at his words and you let your eyes flicker over him. He wasn’t dressed in anything outlandish, a simple boxy white t shirt and some baggy jeans but he looked just as good as always. ‘You do too’

‘Oh this old thing?’ He laughed, fiddling with the hem of his T-shirt. ‘Do you have a drink yet?’

‘No, we only just got here’ you told him, trying to motion to Libby and Aaron who you figured were still somewhere close by but you couldn’t see them anywhere.

‘Come on, I’ll get you one. I know where all the good stuff is’ he smiled and he surprised you by taking your hand and leading you through into the kitchen. You knew there were eyes on you but you kept your eyes on the floor and followed him, letting him pick you whatever drink he fancied and in the end he made you both the same before leading you back into the main living room. ‘Can i introduce you to someone?’

‘Oh um, sure’ you gulped, following him back to the guy who you’d seen him with when you’d first gotten here, but this time he was on his own.

‘This is Ben, we played together at Chelsea’ he smiled. Popping his hand on your waist as he stopped you but to your delight he didn’t move it away. ‘Ben, this is y/n’

‘It’s nice to meet you’ he smiled, his bright blue eyes staring right into your soul but no matter how pretty they were, they were no match for Masons chestnut orbs. ‘Thanks for looking after him up here, I know he appreciates having your little group to make him feel a bit normal’

‘That’s okay, it’s not me you should be thanking anyway’ you explained as you felt Masons hand leave you. Looking to the side to see him saying hello to a few more people you didn’t know but Ben seemed keen to carry on talking to you.

‘Of course I should, he’s been telling me loads about you lately’

‘Oh yeah?’ You laughed. The back of your neck warming as you tried to brush off his comment but he seemed insistent on telling you how much you were helping his friend.

‘I’m serious, I know things took a turn for him lately but he’s told me how much talking to you everyday has helped. Even if you don’t mean to be, it’s a lot to him’

‘Well I care about him a lot’ you admitted. Words you’d never even admitted to yourself let alone spoken out loud but it didn’t feel strange to finally say it. ‘I just want him to know he’s not on his own and he’s got us’

‘Well it makes me feel a lot better too’ he smiled before you felt that familiar warm hand on your waist again and Mason's lips by your ear.

‘Sorry guys, I’m back’ he grinned, squeezing you gently as Ben changed the subject. Probably not wanting Mason to know he’d caught onto the pair of you so quickly and you’d never been more thankful to talk about football before.

Mason didn’t leave your side for the rest of the night, and if he did it was only for a minute or two. His hand permanently on you whether that be your waist or his arm slung around your shoulder and you loved the way he didn’t want to leave you as you definitely didn't want to leave him.

‘You don't have to spend all your night with me, you know’ you told him as he guided you back to the kitchen to get you both a new drink and the look of shock on his face made you giggle.

‘Is that your subtle way of telling me to piss off?’

‘No’ you laughed. ‘But it’s your party, I thought you might wanna talk to some other people’

‘I’m fine here’ he shrugged as he passed you a glass and you made sure your face looked offended by his silly comment.

‘Just fine?’

‘Maybe a bit more than fine’ he chuckled, stepping closer to you as he threw you a wink and you could feel his breath on your cheek.

‘We should get going, secret Santa starts soon and you know what she’s like’ you whispered, a smug smile on his face as he realised what you were doing but he just nodded without breaking eye contact.

‘You go, I’ll see you in there’ he whispered. Letting you leave the kitchen on your own as he went the other way and as soon as you made it into the dining room you went and stood with Libby. You hadn’t seen her in hours but she never said a word about it and just smiled before she cleared her throat for everyone.

‘Secret Santa gifts are on the table. Just go and find the one with your name on and see what you get’ she giggled whilst clapping her hands and you knew she was excited as she dove right into hers.

Yours was next to Libbys and it was the biggest of them all. A big square box that was wrapped to perfection and you knew Libby was eyeing it curiously as hers was only a little bag.

Usually you would have waited until everyone had got going so you could open your gift whilst everyone was occupied but you were intrigued as to what was inside and you lifted the lid immediately. Tearing your way through the sparkly tissue paper until you caught sight of what was hidden inside. The red and yellow catching your eye instantly and you knew exactly what it was as you picked it up and gave it a once over.

‘I swear to god I’m never suggesting this again’ you heard Libby huff from beside you. Snapping you out of your moment with your gift as you looked at what she was holding and you couldn’t deny you felt awful for her. A crappy Christmas mug with the worst pixelated image of Santa you’d ever seen and a little box of hot chocolate powder to go with it. ‘There’s no way this was £20’

‘Ah I’m sorry Libs’

‘It’s whatever’ she told you before her eyes landed on your gift. ‘What’s that?’

‘It’s a vinyl’ you smiled as your eyes flew back to what was between your hands.

‘Twenty one pilots? That’s so random’

‘Not entirely’ you smiled, having a pretty good idea as to who you thought had picked this out for you as there was a certain song on this album that you’d spoken about with someone pretty recently. You were too nervous to look up and find his eyes though so you flipped it over to look at the other side to find two signatures perfectly etched onto the cover. A small gasp falling from your lips as you saw them and a rush of gratitude took over you. This was the most thoughtful gift you’d ever received and before you knew it your eyes were frantically looking for Masons.

You didn’t have to look too far, his eyes were on you already and and from the slight blush on his cheeks you were fairly certain it was him that had gifted you this.

You wanted to run over and pull him into your arms so you could thank him but you held back. Nodding down to the gift that was in front of him in hopes he’d open it but it suddenly hit you that what you’d decided to buy him paled in comparison to the thought he’d put in for you. You’d basically bought him crafting supplies whilst he’d he’d delved into your brain and got you something you’d loved that you would never have bought for yourself.

You couldn’t look, hearing a few giggles from people in his general direction and the nervousness took over your body and you had to flee. Popping your vinyl back into the box before making a swift exit out of the nearest door which thankfully led into the main room and you were back with Ben.

You asked if you could stick with him for a bit and he thankfully agreed. Telling you stories about Mason from when he was back in Chelsea and you loved learning about this side of him. The Mason up here seeming pretty reserved to the cheeky chap Ben was used to but you’d seen glimpses of it and you couldn’t wait for Mason to show you more.

You didn’t know what you were walking into but you found his room fairly easily. The door was slightly ajar and after a quick deep breath and a couple of knocks, you could hear his voice on the other side.

‘Come in’

‘H-hey, it’s me’ you told him as you popped your head round but he was waving you in fully so you walked in and shut the door behind you.

‘Hey’ he smiled ‘I take it this is all you then?’ He asked as he motioned to all the stuff you’d bought that was scattered over his bed and you felt like disappearing into the floor.

‘Oh um, yeah listen I’m sorry I know it’s a bit shit-‘

‘Are you kidding me?’ He laughed ‘I love it’

‘What? Are you serious?’

‘Of course, I’ve started sorting some bits out already but I think I might need your help with a lot of it. Do you think you’d be up for it?’ He asked. His tone excited as he smiled at you wildly and even though you’d be more than happy to help, the gravity of what he was asking you to do suddenly hit you out of nowhere.

‘Those are your memories, Mase’ you whispered. ‘Are you sure, that’s huge?’

‘Is it?’

‘Well yeah, if I help you then everytime you look at that stuff you’ll be thinking of me’ you explained but he just shrugged as he picked the red one up to give it a proper look.

‘You bought me the books, I’ll be thinking about you no matter what’ he laughed before his face got a little more serious. ‘I’m sure, okay? I really need your help’

‘I can help’ you nodded. Taking a seat next to him on his bed but you wanted to talk about something else rather than the random assortment of things on his bed. ‘I take it mine was from you then?’

‘You got me’ he giggled, holding his hands up in fake surrender. ‘Do you like it?’

‘Well I was hoping for a step ladder I can’t lie’ you teased but saw through you right away as he laughed along. ‘I’m kidding, it's perfect. Where did you even get it?’

‘I know people’ he shrugged. ‘I’m glad you like it though, I had no idea at first like we barely knew each other’

‘I did wonder why you suddenly wanted to talk to me so much’

‘I had nothing to go on, I needed something’ he smiled before his face got a little more serious. ‘Your present, It’s actually a bit of a two parter’ he smiled, reaching into his bedside drawer and producing a white envelope that he’d written your name on.

‘What’s this?’ You asked, taking it from him carefully and you wondered if it was just a Christmas card but he seemed a bit too excited to give it to you if it was just that.

‘Open it’ he told you softly and you couldn’t wait any longer. Tearing into it as carefully as you could before pulling out two tickets.

‘Mase…’ you breathed. ‘No Mase I can’t-‘

‘Of course you can’ he grinned, shuffling closer to you until your thighs touched. ‘The only reasons you told me you couldn’t go were you couldn’t afford it, which I’ve taken care of. You didn’t like crowds and I’ve booked you into a vip section so there’s not too many other people around. The only part I can’t help you with is finding someone to go with. You need to pick’

‘Will you come with me?’ You asked immediately. You knew they weren’t his thing as he’d told you he’d never listened to them before but you figured going with Mason made more sense than anyone else.

‘You want me to come? I didn’t get them for you for you to pick me’ he told you softly and you could tell he was biting back a smile at being the person you wanted with you.

‘But what if I want to go with you’ you whispered. ‘It’s my gift right? My decision on who I get to take. I want to take you’ you told him but then it hit you he might not want to go either and you didn’t want to force him. ‘But if you don’t want to-‘

‘Okay’ he smiled, cutting you off as he bumped your arm. ‘We can go together’

‘Look at us, eh. Who would have thought’ you joked, watching the way his eyes crinkled as he let out a laugh and all you wanted was to get closer to him.

‘Not me’ he winked. Bumping his shoulder into yours again. ‘Thank you, though. I was dreading this whole secret Santa thing but I’ve actually really enjoyed getting to know you’

‘I have too’ you whispered. His serious face was making you nervous, like he was about to tell you he’d see you around and burst the perfect bubble you’d created.

‘I know it’s like all over and stuff but we can still hang out right?’ He questioned. Your face breaking out into a smile at the fact you’d read it all wrong and you knew he was laughing at your reaction.

‘Yeah? You mean you still want to?’

‘Of course’ he grinned. ‘I mean I’ve been thinking of excuses for ages to try and see you. Remember when I needed washing tablets?’

‘I remember’ you laughed, grinning as he smiled back at you.

‘I didn’t really need them, I just wanted you to come over’ he giggled. And this last week or so, it’s been shit. But getting to speak to you and offload like you let me, I didn’t realise how much I needed someone for that’

‘I just hated the thought of you being alone and stressing about’

‘Well I did for the first night’ he laughed. Placing his hand behind your back on the bed and leaning into you more but it caused the bed to dip and you felt your heart flutter at how close his face seemed to yours now. His lips merely an inch away and it wouldn’t take much for you to lean forward. ‘But you’ve really picked me back up off the floor you know?’

‘It was nothing’ you laughed. Your eyes now in your lap as you nervously played with you fingers but once again he was. Breaking them apart with his own as he laced his through your and gripped your hand softly.

‘You do that a lot you know’ he chuckled softly, rubbing his thumb along the black of you hand gently and you could feel your tummy flipping as he did.

‘I think it’s just a nervous habit’

‘You don’t need to be nervous with me’ he whispered. Eyes dropping to your lips for a second before he was looking straight back in your eyes.

It was like you could feel the magnetic force of him pulling you closer, wanting nothing more than to kiss him and you were pretty sure he wanted to kiss you back as he was leaning in just as slowly.

This is it, you thought. The last few weeks imagining what it would be like to be closer to him and kiss him was now seeming to come to fruition but oddly enough for you, you didn’t feel nervous. This felt like you were exactly where you were meant to and all you wanted was to close the gap and finally feel him properly.

You were broken out of your trance by the sound of your phone ringing, the pair of you looking down and you cursed under your breath as you fumbled to try and retrieve it. Libby’s name flashing up on your screen and you gulped hard before answering.

‘H-hello?’

‘Hey, where are you?’ She asked. Music pounding in the background and it hit you that you’d barely been around her this evening.

‘Oh I’m… I’m on the loo’

‘Well hurry up and come back, it’s almost midnight’

‘I’ll be down in a sec’ you told her. Shutting off the call and turning to Mason who was looking at you was a soft smile. ‘It’s um, it’s almost midnight’

‘You go, I’ll see you down there in a sec’

‘Mase-‘

‘Go on, before she has another fit’ he chuckled, cutting you off with a smile but his cheeks were bright red and you knew he was feeling a little embarrassed so you made a quick dash and felt downstairs.

You made it down just in time, the whole room buzzing as it was edging closer to midnight and you found Libby fairly quickly. Taking her hand as she pulled you into her side and you could tell she was having a good night with all your friends.

When the count down began you felt Libby reach for you again, pulling you in for a hug first just like always and you squeezed her back before releasing her as you got to five. Knowing she would want to spend the last of the count down with Aaron and you’d be standing there awkwardly just like always.

You hoped this year you’d have at least someone around you but all the other girls were coupled up and you didn’t know where to look. Eventually backing off so you could stand to the side and out of the way like most years but a hand on your wrist stopped you.

It was like the next few seconds happened in slow motion, turning to see who stopped you and when you looked up into those warm brown eyes it was like you were transported back to ten minutes ago. Mason looking at you with his lips slightly parted as his breathing got a bit heavier.

You couldn’t hear the countdown anymore, all your energy focused on the boy in front of you but you knew it must have been finishing shortly as Mason pulled you closer to his body. His free hand cupping your jaw gently so he could tilt your face up towards his and as the words happy new year were shouted around the room he lent down and pulled you in for a kiss.

It was only short. His lips just about touching yours before he pulled back but it was seemingly just to check you were okay before he lent back in to kiss you much deeper and you felt your knees give way as he pulled you closer to his body.

You were aware that your hands were limp by your side but you felt too in shock to do anything with them for a beat until they were trailing up his strong arms and resting on his chest. His heart thrumming under your fingertips and soon enough the reality of the situation hit you causing a smile to break out on your lips that he was soon mirroring.

‘Happy new year’ he whispered once he’d pulled away. His face still close to yours as he stroked your jaw and the little glint in his eye made you lose your breath slightly.

‘Happy new year’

‘Sorry, I just-‘

‘It’s okay’ you smiled. Cutting him off slightly as you didn’t want him to apologise for anything that has just happened. ‘I’ve never been kissed at midnight so thanks’

‘The pleasure was all mine’ he winked as he wrapped both arms around your waist and pulled you further into him but you were still in such a daze you didn’t know what to say.

‘What is going on’ you whispered with a laugh, hoping he understood what you meant and from the laugh he sent you back you realised he had.

‘I don’t know’ he laughed back. ‘But these last two months, getting to know you, you’re not like anyone else I’ve ever met’ he told you but seemingly knew how that must have sounded as you tried to bite back a smile whilst he tickled your sides. ‘And I know that sounds cheesey as fuck, but being with you it’s like I’m finally alright after feeling so lost up here for so long. That song we talked about, I’ve been listening to it non stop and all I can’t think about is the fact when I’m with you I feel at home’

‘Mase’ you pouted, tears springing in your eyes immediately as you’d never heard anything so beautiful before and as he kissed your forehead you felt your skin tingle.

‘I know we were moaning about it, but I’m so glad we agreed to the whole secret Santa thing cause it’s like you’ve been right under my nose and I had no idea I could feel like this about someone. You get me in a way no one else does and the way we just clicked so quickly… I don't know. I’m rambling now but if you don’t feel the same it’s okay but I meant what I said upstairs. I wanna keep hanging out and getting to know you but maybe…’

‘Maybe what?’ You smiled, knowing he was trying to brush his feelings off just in case you didn’t feel the same but little did he know you were just in shock as you could never have imagined him saying this to you.

‘I don’t know’ he laughed, squeezing your sides again to make you laugh. ‘I don’t know how you feel and I don’t want to make an arse of myself’

‘I want the same’ you gulped, trying to find an ounce of courage to try and let him know how you were feeling but even though you wanted to shout it from the rooftops for him, it was like you couldn’t get the words out. ‘Sorry this is all so new to me I don’t really know what to say either’

‘I think we’re both just too shy for our own good’ he told you and you nodded in agreement, loving that he knew you so well already and when he pulled you even closer you wrapped your arms around his neck so his face was closer to yours. ‘So you like me… in the same way I like you?’

‘Yeah’ you gulped. Realising he’d changed his tactics to just ask you questions to make things easier for you and you smiled up at him as he kissed your nose.

‘And you’re happy to keep hanging out… just the two of us?’ He asked, lips trailing across your jaw now as your knees became weak but his strong grip around your waist was keeping you steady.

‘Yes’

‘And I can kiss you again?’

‘Yes’ you breathed, finding it increasingly difficult to answer him as he continued to kiss all over your face and you knew you were blushing like a fool.

‘Whenever I like?’

‘Depends on when you’d like’ you replied and the chuckle he let out just below your ear made you shiver in delight before he pulled back to look at you properly.

‘Right now?’

‘Go on then’ you whispered, watching him lean in a touch before his eyes flashed back up to yours.

‘One more thing’ he asked quietly, his face serious and you had no idea what he was about to say. ‘You promise this isn’t just for my spag Bol recipe?’

‘I’ll never tell’

‘I’ll take it’ he whispered. Finally leaning down and closing the gap again to kiss you softly and claim you in front of everyone.

259 notes · View notes

inlovewrafe · 3 days ago

Text

I still love you, I promise

pairings: ex!lovers; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia;

warnings: angst; sickness; ed; pregnancy;

"Do you need to sit down?” You hear a muffled voice as you feel your feet beginning to give up on you. "What- What do you mean I'm pregnant?” You ask with a shaky voice. You had a feeling that you were but now that your suspicions are confirmed, and you hear it out loud, you can't believe it. Don't want to believe it. You are denying it. "No, I can't-“ You choke on your words, trying to make sense of what you were going to do. You feel a sharp pain in your heart as you realize. He isn't here. He isn't yours. He is hers.

You realize you will have to raise the baby alone. His baby. You were forever going to have a reminder of him. Every time you'll look at the baby, all you'll see is him.

"What if I don't want the baby? Can't I do anything about it?" You blurt out without even thinking. But as soon as the words leave your mouth you regret ever saying them. “I'm afraid you can't. You are already three months and a half in. Your boy is developing.” You freeze in your spot. "What do you mean boy?” “You are having a baby boy, congratulations!” She gives you a warm smile but you feel your stomach drop. A boy. You were having a boy. 'What will Rafe say when he finds out? Should I tell him?' You were deep in your thoughts when you heard the doctor talk to you again. “That'll be all. We'll schedule an appointment to check on him but we'll do that later on the phone.” “Thank you.”

You made your way towards your car as you stood frozen in your seat. You'll be all alone, raising your baby, while he plays happy couple with Sofia. You took a shaky breath as you pulled out of the parking lot, driving to your house.

When you got there you quickly made your way inside, seeing all of them displayed on the couch. The sound of the door closing made them all look towards where you stood. “Where have you been? Do you know how concerned we were?” Topper yells as he is quick to stand up from the couch. “I know, I'm sorry.” You mumble while fidgeting with the rings on your fingers. Sarah and Rafe spare a concerned glance to each other before they turn their attention back to you. “Sarah I need to talk to you. It's important." You say still fidgeting with the rings. "Yeah, 'course” She replies as she starts walking out of the room, following you.

“What happened? Are you okay?” But you don’t answer, instead you pull her in a hug as she remains confused but squeezes you hard as she reciprocates the hug. “I need to tell you something but you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone, especially not Rafe.” “I promise! What is it?” You take a shaky breath as you say the words out loud. “I’m- I’m pregnant.” You wipe away a single tear that escaped your eye. “WHAT?” She looked at you shocked and excited at the same time. “Shhh” You hush her because you don’t want the boys to find out. “I’m sorry. Is it Rafes?” She asks just to make sure. “Of course, who else’s would it be?” She nodded her head with an obvious expression on her face. “Yeah, yeah.”

“I don’t know what to do, I don’t- He isn’t even- How will I raise-“ You mutter between choked sobs as you panic. “Shh, shh, it’s okay, I’m here for you. You’ll be fine.” She tries to reassure you, but you can’t calm down. You sob into your hands as she pulls you in a hug. “It’s okay, let’s just eat something and we’ll sleep, yeah? We can deal with it tomorrow, okay?” She mumbles as she gives you gentle strokes on your back.

“Okay.” You let out a quiet response as you wipe around your eyes. “Do you want to order something? The boys already ordered when you were out. Or we can make something ourselves.” She gives you a light smile as you plop down on one of the chairs. “We can make some pasta if you want to.” You played with the necklace around your neck. “Yeah, sure, whatever you want.” She smiles as she puts a pot with water on the stove. You get up and take another pot where you can make the sauce in. You pour the sauce in the pan and add some seasonings to it.

After some time, the pasta is ready and you plate it. “Wow, this looks delicious! Ask the boys if they want some, while I wash the dishes, please!” You exit the kitchen and made your way towards the living room where you see the boys caught up in a game.

You clear your throat and all three heads snap towards you. “We made pasta. Want some?”

“Did you poison it, or why are you asking?” Topper raised a brow while snorting.

“No, but I’ll make sure to poison it next time, just for you.” You gave him a wink as you waited for an answer.

“Yeah, sure we’ll have some!”

“Come on then!”

You start walking to the kitchen with Top and Kelce in front of you and Rafe behind. You feel a hand on your wrist starting to pull you back.

“Why were you at the hospital?” He asks still holding your hand.

“I-“ You suddenly felt out of breath at the touch on your arm. You stare at his hand and back up at him, and he quickly lets go of you as if your touch was fire.

“Just had to check something.” You murmured, missing his soft hand on yours.

“Check what?”

Your breath caught in your throat as you tried to look for an answer, but couldn’t come up with anything.

He was still staring at you, waiting for a response.

“What’s going on here?” You hear Sarah’s voice interrupt the silence between you and him.

“Uh, nothing. We were just talking.”

“Okay, come eat! You haven’t eaten anything today! Come on!” She grabbed your hand, leading you to the kitchen where you saw Top and Kelce on their second plate already.

“Oh come on! Leave some for the rest of us.” You laughed as you sat on a chair next to Sarah.

You ate half of the food on your plate when Kelce got up to go and plate a third portion.

“Kelce, chill out man! Do they keep you starved?” Everyone laughed as he sat down with his plate.

“You are the best chef ever! I might come over every day if you are cooking.” He laughed.

After you all finished eating, Rafes phone was buzzing with a few texts from next to you.

He was putting the dishes in the dishwasher with Topper so you though it won’t hurt anyone to sneak a quick glance.

As you glance at the texts with pit in your stomach you start feeling sick. The smile from your previous jokes was replaced by a sad expression as you remained quiet, taking out your phone to scroll on instagram. When you noticed the boys finished with the dishes, and he was walking towards you, you got up from your seat to retreat to your room. You repeat the texts from her over and over in your head with a heavy heart. ‘hey baby’. They were calling each other baby. Yours and his nickname. Now you were truly sick. You rushed past them and upstairs to the bathroom gaining a few concerned looks from your friends.

“What was that?” One of the boys asked but it was silent.

Sarah followed you upstairs and Rafe went to check his phone. He saw a few texts from Sofia but he ignored them. He placed his phone back on the table and raised a brow at nothing in particular.

“What was that? She was fine like a minute ago.”

“I don’t know man, she must’ve seen something on your phone when it buzzed ‘cause she seemed happy like three minutes ago!”

You were fast asleep now with Sarah massaging your scalp while you dreamed of how easy things used to be when it was just you and him.

To be honest in your head it was Rafe that was massaging your scalp while you slept next to him, not Sarah.

“Look at this view! Rafe it’s beautiful!” You said as you admired the beauty surrounding you both.

The salty breeze of the ocean giving you goosebumps as it hugged your skin. The sand and the water colliding together like they were made for each other, while the sky was displaying gold rays of sun making the sand that was sticking to your skin radiate your features more.

“It really is beautiful!” He smiled softly while watching you with only love in his eyes.

This was the moment when he truly knew that you were the one for him. That he loves you.

“I love you!” He said with a genuine and soft voice.

You turned around shocked, unsure if what you hear really came out of his mouth. You were not expecting this.

“You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to kno-“ But before he was able to finish his sentence, your lips crashed onto his, hands going behind his neck, while you got closer on the picnic blanket.

When you pulled away you both were smiling like fools.

“I love you too!” You said without hesitation as he pulled you against his chest. You sat there in a comfortable silence, watching the sunset as you replayed his words over and over in your head with a grin on your face.

You looked over your shoulder again to see what he was doing, but he wasn’t there. You sat up panicked as you started to call out for him, but to no avail. He wasn’t answering.

You looked around desperately but al you could see was a bunch of sand, no track of Rafe.

“Rafe!” You called out again, and again.

“Rafe, where are you?”

“Rafe, please, this is not funny!”

“Rafe, please don’t leave me all alone!”

“Baby, please come back!”

a/n: Hey guys!!! Hope you like the chapter. This is PART 2 of my series IslyIp!! Please leave a feedback so I know if I should keep going and also if you have any requests please lmk!!

#rafe outer banks #rafe cameron #rafe x reader #rafe obx #rafe fanfiction #outerbanks rafe #outer banks #rafe x you #rafe fic #rafe imagine #drew starkey obx #drew starkey

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lizziesangel · 1 day ago

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RAFE CAMERON ⟢ i’m sorry

x KOOK!FEM!reader ⟢ MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: based on this request - you and rafe end in bad terms, he just wants to talk to you, but when he tries to, the people who he owes money to decide to pass by.

WORD COUNT: +2.6k

GENRE: angsty

CONTENT WARNING: rafe is a MESS, mentions of blood, gunshot and hospital!

rafe was a storm brewing beneath clear skies. to anyone else, he looked like just another spoiled son of the outer banks elite, pulling into the country club in his sleek black suv. but behind the wheel, his knuckles were white against the leather, his jaw set like stone. he hadn’t slept—not really. every time he closed his eyes, he saw your face, the way your expression had crumpled when he’d told you it was over.

and oh, the memory gutted him.

he killed the engine, sitting in the stillness of the parking lot, but his mind was anything but calm. he could still hear the way his own voice had cracked, the way he’d nearly broken right there in front of you. “this isn’t working anymore,” he’d said, the words like acid on his tongue. “you deserve better, okay? someone who’s… good. and that’s not me.”

you had begged him to explain, your voice trembling, tears welling in your eyes. but he couldn’t. he didn’t think he deserved you, not your kindness, not your laughter, not the way you looked at him like he was worth something.

how could someone like you—sweet, soft, angelic—love someone like him? a man who couldn’t even love himself?

the thought made his stomach twist.

rafe had spent his entire life learning how to put up walls, to shove people away before they could see what was really underneath. and for a while, he’d let himself believe that maybe you were different. maybe you could love him despite his sharp edges. but the closer you got, the more he panicked.

so, he’d done what he always did: ruined it before you could.

and now, here he was, sitting in the parking lot of the country club, knowing full well you’d be inside with your friends, laughing over mimosas like nothing had happened. he hated himself for wanting to see you, for wanting to make sure you were okay.

he shoved the door open and stepped into the sunlight, running a hand through his hair. the familiar hum of the club surrounded him: tennis balls thwacking against rackets, the chatter of the wealthy, the clink of glasses on trays. it was all so routine, so normal, and yet he felt like he was walking into a minefield.

he found you immediately.

you were seated at a table by the terrace, a vision of effortless beauty in a sundress, your smile lighting up the space around you. it was like nothing had changed, like you hadn’t spent the last week crying over the mess he’d made of you both.

but rafe saw it. the way your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes, the way you seemed distracted even as your friends talked around you.

he swallowed hard, his chest tightening. what the hell was he doing here?

he should leave. turn around, get back in his car, and drive until the ache in his chest was nothing more than a distant memory. but his feet wouldn’t move.

because as much as he wanted to pretend he’d let you go for your sake, the truth was he’d been lying to himself.

he’d pushed you away because he was scared. because he couldn’t handle the thought of you realizing what a mess he was and leaving him first.

and now, seeing you here, pretending you were okay, rafe realized he might’ve made the biggest mistake of his life.

but what could he do about it now?

the laughter at the table dulled in your ears. you weren’t really paying attention to your friends’ conversation—hadn’t been for weeks, if you were honest. a distraction here, a small joke there, but it all felt like going through the motions. the ache in your chest hadn’t faded since rafe had broken things off, no matter how much you told yourself you’d get over it.

you pushed your chair back, standing up abruptly. “be right back,” you said, offering a small, tight smile. “left something in my car.”

no one questioned you as you walked away from the terrace, your sandals clicking softly against the stone path. the parking lot wasn’t far, just a short walk past the manicured hedges that shielded the club’s members from the sight of asphalt and parked vehicles.

the air was warm, the sun glaring brightly overhead as you unlocked your car and leaned in to retrieve your bag. as you straightened, dusting off your dress, you heard your name, loud and insistent.

“hey! wait! y/n!”

you turned, blinking in surprise. rafe was there, striding toward you like a man on a mission. his usual swagger was gone, replaced with something frantic, almost desperate.

“rafe?” you said, your brows furrowing. “what are you—”

“i need to—just, listen to me,” he interrupted, his voice hurried, his hands lifting as if he could reach out and stop you from walking away. “i know i screwed up. okay? i know i hurt you, but, i’m sor—”

the roar of a motorcycle cut him off, the sound ripping through the air like a warning.

you turned just in time to see it—a sleek black bike weaving recklessly through the parked cars, the rider’s face obscured by a helmet. but it wasn’t the bike that made your blood run cold; it was the glint of metal in the rider’s hand.

a gun.

“rafe!” the man shouted—barry, his voice rough and full of venom. “i want my money, country club!”

and then the shots came.

the first shattered the quiet serenity of the lot, followed by screams from the terrace as people dove for cover. rafe’s eyes went wide, and he grabbed your arm, pulling you toward him as he ducked behind a nearby car.

“stay down!” he yelled, his body shielding yours.

but he wasn’t fast enough.

a sharp, burning pain tore through your side, and you gasped, stumbling backward. your knees buckled, and you hit the ground hard, the asphalt scraping against your palms.

“y/n!” Rafe’s voice was panicked, raw, as he dropped to his knees beside you. his hands were on you instantly, trying to find the source of the blood. “no, no, n—stay with me. you’re okay, baby. you’re okay!”

you tried to speak, tried to say his name, but the words wouldn’t come. all you could do was look up at him, your hands trembling as you held them out, crimson staining your skin.

rafe’s face twisted in anguish, his eyes wet with unshed tears as he pressed his hands over the wound, desperate to stop the bleeding. “no, no, no! don’t do this! don’t you dare do this to me!”

you managed a weak smile, your lips forming his name even as your vision blurred.

“stay with me,” rafe begged, his voice cracking, his hands trembling. “please, angel. i can’t—i can’t lose you.”

the world around you began to fade, the edges growing dim and quiet, but the last thing you saw was rafe’s face, etched with raw fear and heartbreak.

the wail of sirens pierced the air, growing louder with each passing second, but to rafe, it was nothing more than background noise. his whole world had narrowed to the sight of you lying in front of him, your blood seeping into the cracks of the asphalt.

he was crouched over you, his hands trembling as he pressed them to your wound. tears streamed down his face, his chest heaving with gasping, hiccupping sobs. he couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. the only thing grounding him was the faint rise and fall of your chest. you were still alive—but barely.

“stay with me,” he whispered, his voice hoarse and broken. “don’t—don’t leave me, angel. please.”

“i’m so sorry.”

the paramedics arrived in a rush, their voices calm but firm as they moved him aside. rafe resisted, his hands refusing to let go of you even as they gently pushed him back.

“no, i—i can’t—” he stammered, his voice cracking. “she needs—she—”

“let them do their job, rafe!” a familiar voice barked.

rafe turned, his tear-streaked face meeting sherrif shoupe’s sharp gaze. the man was striding toward him, his face a mask of fury and concern. “what the hell happened here, rafe?!”

rafe couldn’t answer. he shook his head, his throat tightening as more sobs wracked his body. “it’s—she’s hurt. i—God, i couldn’t—”

shoupe’s eyes narrowed, and he crouched down beside you as the paramedics worked, his tone softening as he muttered, “jesus christ.” He stood and turned to the medics. “get her stabilized. i want updates the second you’ve got her in the rig.”

the paramedics nodded, moving quickly but carefully. they placed an oxygen mask over your face and secured you to the stretcher, your head lolling to the side. rafe surged forward, his hands reaching for you.

“i’m going with her!” he cried, his voice desperate.

“no, you’re not,” shoupe said firmly, stepping in his path. “son, listen to me. you need to calm the hell down and tell me what’s going on here.”

rafe shook his head violently, his tears falling faster. “i can’t leave her! i can’t—not again.”

shoupe’s hands landed on his shoulders, steady but firm. “they’re taking her to the hospital, and you can follow. but you need to get it together, son. right now.”

rafe’s breath hitched, and he nodded shakily, his entire body trembling. as the ambulance doors slammed shut and sped away, his knees almost buckled, but shoupe helped him keeping him upright.

“what about—what about everyone else?” rafe choked out, his voice barely audible. “did anyone else get hurt?”

shoupe’s expression darkened, his jaw tightening. “nobody else was touched. this ain’t random, rafe. it was aimed for you.”

rafe’s heart dropped into his stomach, his mind spinning. “what?”

shoupe’s eyes were hard as he stared him down. “now, how ’bout you tell me what the hell is goin’ on, huh? who the hell are you running from?”

rafe swallowed hard, his pulse roaring in his ears. the weight of the sheriff’s words sank in, his guilt and fear coiling tightly in his chest. he couldn’t lose you—not now. but he couldn’t run from this any longer either.

rafe paced the hospital waiting room like a caged animal, his fingers tangling in his hair every few steps. the fluorescent lights above hummed faintly, the sterile air thick with the smell of antiseptic. every tick of the clock on the wall felt like an eternity, each second driving another nail into his chest.

he couldn’t stop replaying the moment in his head—the sound of the gunshots, the way your body had crumpled, the blood on his hands. his throat tightened, and he had to swallow back the urge to scream.

“c’mon,” he muttered under his breath, his voice raw. “c’mon, tell me something.”

the double doors to the ER swung open, and he whipped around, hope flaring briefly. but it wasn’t a doctor—it was sarah. and john b was right behind her.

her face was pale, her eyes wide with panic, but the moment she saw him, her expression twisted into something between fury and anguish.

“you let her get shot?!” she yelled, storming toward him.

rafe barely had time to open his mouth before her palm cracked against his cheek in a sharp slap. the sting burned, but he didn’t flinch, didn’t move. he just stood there, his head bowed, accepting it.

“you were supposed to protect her!” sarah’s voice broke, tears welling up in her eyes. before rafe could even process it, she was pulling him into a fierce hug.

the force of it nearly knocked him back, and for a moment, he just stood there, frozen. then, slowly, his arms came up, wrapping around her tightly.

“i’m sorry,” he rasped, his voice cracking. “i’m so sorry. i didn’t—i didn’t mean for this to happen. i swear.”

she clung to him like she was holding on for dear life, her fingers clutching the back of his shirt. “you’re such an idiot,” she mumbled into his shoulder, her voice muffled. “but i know you didn’t mean it. i know.”

john b stood a few feet away, his hands shoved into his pockets, his face tight with worry. “hiw bad is it?” he asked quietly.

rafe pulled away from sarah, his hands trembling as he wiped at his face. “i don’t know,” he admitted, his voice barely audible. “they’ve been in there for hours. they won’t tell me anything.”

sarah sniffled, wiping her tears. “she’s strong,” she said firmly, as if saying it aloud would make it true. “she’ll make it.”

rafe nodded, but the doubt lingered in his eyes. he didn’t deserve your forgiveness, didn’t deserve a second chance—but he prayed to every god he could think of that you’d pull through.

because losing you wasn’t something he could survive.

the three of them sat in tense silence, the cold plastic chairs of the waiting room doing nothing to ease the ache in their bodies or the weight on their hearts. rafe was hunched forward, his elbows on his knees, staring at the scuffed floor tiles. his hands were clasped tightly together, his knuckles white.

sarah sat beside him, her legs bouncing nervously, while john b leaned against the wall, his arms crossed, trying and failing to look calm. every so often, someone would glance at the doors to the ER, hoping for a sign, a nurse, a doctor—anything.

finally, after what felt like an eternity, the doors swung open. a nurse stepped out, her calm expression betraying no urgency.

“are you here for y/n?” she asked gently, glancing between them.

rafe shot to his feet so fast his chair tipped over and clattered to the floor. “yes,” he said, his voice hoarse. “is she—”

sShe’s stable,” the nurse said, holding up a hand to reassure him. “she’s not awake yet, but her vitals are strong. the doctor would like to speak with you, but you can see her now if you’d like.”

rafe didn’t wait for further explanation. he was already moving, practically jogging through the doors as the nurse gestured for him to follow. sarah and john b exchanged a look, then trailed after him, keeping a respectful distance.

the nurse led them to a quiet room at the end of the hallway. the sight of you hit rafe like a freight train.

you were lying in the hospital bed, looking worn out but peaceful, your chest rising and falling steadily beneath the thin blanket. an iv was hooked to your arm, and a monitor beeped rhythmically beside you.

rafe barely registered the nurse speaking to sarah and john b, or the doctor stepping in to explain your condition. his world had narrowed to you.

he moved to your bedside, his hands trembling as he reached for yours. your skin was warm, soft, and the simple touch made him exhale a shuddering breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

“you’re okay,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “you’re gonna be okay.”

his thumb brushed gently over your knuckles as he sank into the chair beside the bed, his knees almost buckling from relief. he didn’t care about the tubes, the machines, or the doctor’s voice in the background.

all that mattered was that you were stable. you were alive.

he leaned forward, his forehead nearly resting against your hand, as silent tears slid down his cheeks. “i’m so sorry,” he murmured, his voice barely audible. “i’m so sorry, my angel. i’ll never let this happen again. i promise.”

the doctor’s voice faded into the background, and sarah stepped closer, resting a hand on rafe’s shoulder. he didn’t look up, didn’t move.

he just held your hand, clinging to you like a lifeline, silently begging you to come back to him.

#lizzieswrites𝜗𝜚 #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron outer banks #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x kook!reader #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey #rafe cameron #drew starkey x female reader #drew starkey x y/n #drew starkey x you

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drunkinyourbenz · 2 days ago

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୨ৎ sweet girl. b.e

୨ৎ roomate!billie eilish x fem!reader

୨ৎ genre: smut

୨ৎ content: SUB TOP BILLIE EVERYONE CHEER !! umm praise kink, begging, she's so so so desperate and lowkey a loser but we love her for it, oral (r recieving), anyway i love this so much please please please read it, possibly gonna have another part (or many)

୨ৎ note: you're welcome <3 (this fic serves as an apology for the angst fic i posted the other day) happy new year my loves <3

billie was your roommate, and she had been for a little over a year now. you got along well, and if you were asked, you'd probably say you were friends. she was easy to talk to and easy to live with.

she did tend to get jealous whenever you had your hookups, which happened a lot more often than you'd like to admit. you were single, but people always showed momentary interest in you at the parties you went to.

you always assumed her dislike towards the people you hooked up with was just annoyance at the noise or something; you never thought much of it. what you didn't know was that she had the biggest crush on you, and wanted nothing more than to drag you away from the many hookups and keep you all to herself.

everyone who knew billie knew she was obsessed with you. she wasn’t subtle about it, you were just infuriatingly oblivious. her eyes always landed on you, whether you were in class together, having a movie night, or simply in passing. she didn’t think she’d ever had a crush so…all-consuming before. and with how oblivious you were, it was honestly infuriating.

but she didn't do anything impulsive—somehow. she wanted everything that happened between the two of you to be perfect.

a shift in the trajectory of your relationship with her seemed to be approaching, however. you'd been at a party—something that didn't surprise her. you were… making the most of your college years, to say the least.

when you got home, she took one look at the outfit you wore—taking in the way the fabric hung from your body and the way your makeup looked so immaculate despite having been at a party for hours. her mind ran wild as she looked you up and down.

she felt like a lovesick fool, and for a moment, she understood why her friends called her a loser.

she was so caught up in taking in your gorgeous appearance when she saw you walk past towards your room, that it took her a moment to comprehend who was following you.

a girl. some girl from the party. maybe a sorority girl, maybe someone from one of your classes, maybe someone you'd only just met. either way, she hated it. she hated that you were so blind that you couldn't see what was right in front of you—her.

you and the girl were such an odd pairing together, billie thought. you were way out of her league. sure, the girl was pretty, but there was pretty and then there was you pretty. in billie’s mind, no one was prettier than you.

your new hookup's prettiness aside, she clearly didn't care about you. she was there to fuck and then leave, and billie hated that. you could so easily get any girl you wanted, and you could get them to treat you right. but for a reason billie couldn't quite understand, you preferred these meaningless hookups.

billie's eyes trailed behind you as you led the girl into your room. you knew you were going to get a pretty average hookup out of her, but a hookup nonetheless.

just as you closed your door and the girl sat down on your bed, billie reopened the door and walked inside. what came out of her mouth was a blatant lie, but the girl didn't know that.

"hey, sorry girl. we actually have guests coming over, you might have to leave." her voice was dripping with fake politeness as she sent the girl a deceivingly sweet smile.

the girl left pretty quickly, sending you a slightly dirty look at the fact that the hookup she'd hoped for wouldn't be happening.

you heard her slam the door on the way out, and rolled your eyes. that attitude merely proved that you hadn't really lost anything.

you weren't super upset, because you knew the hookup wouldn't be all that good anyway, but you were still horny, so you were slightly frustrated at billie for interrupting.

you turned to billie and raised an eyebrow. both of you know that the excuse she spilled was absolutely a lie, guests were a rarity for the two of you.

"well, that was a lie. what was that for?”.

billie simply shrugged, “didn't like her vibe.”

you scoffed at that, “that's for me to decide. it's my hookup.”

billie rolled her eyes belligerently, “sure, but the hookup wouldn't have even been all that. plenty of other pretty girls who could touch you better.”

when she spoke, you raised an eyebrow. “oh? such as?”

nervousness flashed behind her eyes for a moment, before she spoke with an air of finality. “me.”

you blink slowly in surprise at her blunt response, and once her answer sinks in, i feel heat rise to my cheeks. every little thing is adding up, the lingering looks and the soft touches and the—oh. it made sense suddenly. billie had a crush on you, you realised. you spoke again slowly, watching her carefully. "...you...think you could fuck me better...?”

she swallowed, a slight blush on her face as she nodded. “i know i could.”

a small smirk makes it's way into your lips, “prove it, then.”

billie’s eyes lit up, as if she were a child on christmas who had just been gifted her dream present. she stepped slightly closer to you, “thought you'd never ask.”

there was a long moment where the two of you just stared at each other, and then you leaned in and pressed your lips to hers. the moment you let your tongue enter her mouth, you felt her practically melt in your arms.

her breath caught in her throat as you kissed her, her hands moving to grip your shoulders tightly. as you'd suspected, the dominant act melted away the moment you made your move. she whimpered softly against your lips, parting them willingly as your tongue explored her mouth "fuck…”

when the two of you stepped back and tripped onto your bed, she broke the kiss reluctantly, her breath coming in soft pants. she looked at you, her eyes hazy with desire, her hair already slightly messy, and her lips parted. “holy shit,” she muttered, although more to herself than you.

with a shaky breath, she looked at you, trying to cling to the last bit of composure she had left but failing miserable. her desperation was crystal clear, she wanted—no, needed to make you feel good. she let her hands fumble with the hem of your top, her actions affected by her intense desire, coming across as rushed and messy. “i’ve imagined this so many times…”

your lips twisted into a smirk, letting your hand drift to her cheek. “yeah, baby? what’ve you imagined?”

a soft whine left her lips, and you could’ve sworn the sound altered your brain chemistry. her words came out in a shy whisper “...your hands in my hair while i…”

your lips twitched up into a sly smile at her shyness, and you watched as she trailed off. you knew what she was going to say, of course, you just wanted to hear her say it. “hm? while you what, sweet girl? use your words, don’t be shy…”

her cheeks heated up at your words, and she looked down for a moment. you could tell that her heart was practically racing out of her chest. she seemed to contemplate for a while, wondering whether to tell you or to just melt into the floorboards and never be seen again.

when she eventually spoke, the words came out in a rush. “while i eat you out. i’ve imagined it so many times, touched myself thinking about it…”

you found yourself smiling again—oh, she was adorable. such a confident, cocky personality, reduced to a desperate blushing mess just because of…you.

“good girl. see, that wasn’t so hard now, was it?” you watched as her eyes practically lit up at the praise, and you made a mental note to praise her more—after all, she was such a sweet girl, how could you not? you looked at her for a moment before continuing, “so…you want to eat me out?”

at those words, her head snapped up and she nodded eagerly with wide, pleading eyes. she was so focused on the prospect of tasting you that she was totally unaware of the way she was inching closer, her hands already moving to unbutton your jeans. “please…let me?”

you hummed softly, taking in her utterly desperate form, before speaking in a soft, teasing voice. “how much do you want it…?”

yet another whine slipped from her lips, the sound so sweet you felt as if you could listen to it for hours. “please, need it so bad. need to taste you, please, please, please. wanted this for so long, please…”

and when she begged so sweetly, how could you ever say no? “go ahead, baby.”

her eyes lit up, and she wasted no time in pushing your jeans down, hooking her fingers in the waistband of your underwear and looking up at you with a silent question in her eyes. you nodded, and she eagerly slipped your underwear down your thighs. her eyes widen at the sight,

“fuck, oh my god. you’re beautiful.” the words came out in a soft, reverent murmur as she used her hands to gently push your thighs further apart.

she leaned in close, pressing a few soft opened mouthed kisses to your inner thighs as she looked up at you. she let her tongue find your folds, and you heard her instantly moan at the taste.

she sucked your clit into her mouth, looking up at you with an absolutely adoring look in her eyes. the total devotion in her eyes made you feel something…unfamiliar. and god, she was right, it was so much better than your hookups.

her arms wrapped around your thighs, pulling you impossibly closer to her as she continued to eat you out like it was her last meal. she shifted so that one of your legs was hooked over her shoulder to give her better access. she was doing so well, how wet you were and your moans were proof of that. your fingers tangled in her hair, tugging softly and eliciting another string of moans from her.

while she was licking and sucking at your clit, her sweet moans sent vibrations against your cunt.

you moaned softly. you already figured out that she loves praise, and you intended to make her feel good as well, considering she was doing so well for you. "good girl…”

billie looked up at you, your arousal dripping from her mouth, her eyes glazed with desire. she moaned against your pussy, the vibrations causing your legs to shake and your hands to tug her hair slightly harder. she started to pleasure you with renewed enthusiasm, determined to make you lose control.

it didn't take much longer for her to make you fall apart on her mouth, and she eagerly lapped everything up. she was like a starved woman and she was going to make sure she got every last drop. after a minute, she finally dragged herself away from your pussy, looking up at you with your juices dripping from her mouth.

she looked up at you, her eyes practically sparkling. “do you feel good? did i do good for you?”

those words in that pleading and adoring tone almost made you cum all over again. you smiled down at her, your hand moving to cup her cheek softly.

“yeah, my sweet girl. you did so good for me.”

୨ৎ taglist: @47lake @st0nerlesb0 @n0vabug @darkside-0f-the-sun @asterisk-eyes

#୨ৎ lyd writes #billie eilish x reader #billie eilish #billie eilish smut #billie eilish x you #sub billie

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iloveazzifudd35 · 2 days ago

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Shower Thoughts

okay I did another!! I actually really enjoy this so give me suggestions for more or things I can improve on!! 4.4k

themes: friends to lovers kinda they already lovers / angst

tw: smut they get a lil freaky like face sitting 😺sry got carried away ig

Convincing Azzi to come to UConn came with a price. If she came to UConn, they would not be able to date.

It was obvious both girls had feelings deeper than just those of best friends to anyone who knew them. But being teammates and all would mean that they couldn’t date in case they broke up and jeopardize the team's chemistry.

Paige and Azzi were not worried about breaking up in the slightest. They were 3 years strong at this point and even after having a more open relationship that allowed them to see other people they always came back to each other causing them to tie it off. But now, they are back where they started.

At first having Azzi at the same school as her was worth it even if they couldn’t date. But she didn’t realize just how hard it would be to hide it until the time came.

Geno had set a rule that most of the other college coaches agreed with. Teammates couldn’t date. It was a pretty common sense rule, unless if you were fucking gay and paige bueckers and Azzi fudd.

Of course this would affect them.

They decided it wouldn’t be that hard to hide it would be fine, no one would realize it. But they realized they would have to go a lot longer without touching each other and being together than they thought, so they vowed to not make it official until at least Paige's senior year so Geno couldn’t complain about them causing problems, even though they knew nothing would happen.

This would be a lot harder than they anticipated.

—-

They didn’t room together, so it was already bad enough not getting to see each other at nights.

Paige found herself lying awake at night Azzi’s profile the closest she could get to her

—-

Me: I’m gonna murder Geno for this istg😩

I miss u

Az: you saw me literally 30 minutes ago not even p 😂

Me: I don’t care it’s not enough I miss touching u and sleeping next to u and smelling ur hair.

Az: maybe next tournament we will get roomed together 🤷‍♀️

I miss u too tho

Wanna get food in the morning?

Me: can’t

I have to meet with the trainer earlier

Az: damn really putting in the extra reps huh

Me: yuh tryna be like u what can I say 😁

Az: fuck

I really do miss u

Me: we will get through it together

It will be worth the wait trust

…

I’ll do u right Az dw

—-

In addition to the pause on the relationship, they decided to pause having sex until they had a break to go back home. They weren’t freaks or anything- kinda- but going months without it was harder than they thought.

So far they were holding strong.

—-

The next morning Azzi was slow to get up.

The sun was blasting in through the windows. When she slept with Paige, there was always a blanket covering the gaps so no sun could sneak through the creases.

But Azzi was not with Paige.

She hadn’t been for a while, or at least since the summer break. It was now November just 4 games into their season and they would have to wait all the way until Christmas break to sneak a sleepover without raising questions from their nosy teammates.

You weren’t allowed to sleep in another dorm, it was just a college rule. No one checked up on it, but Azzi and Paige were still under class man so they didn’t have their own dorms yet, meaning not only did they stay in the suite with the rest of their teammates, but also shared a bedroom- Azzi with Caroline and Paige with Ice- meaning they had no way of getting a secret sleepover-their was simply no room.

Azzi was annoyed when she woke up this morning. The sun was too bright, and Paige was busy.

She glanced over at Caroline who was still asleep, looking at her phone. It was only 8 o’clock. They had practice at 1 and the weight room after. Azzi only had one class this morning at 11.

3 hours. She had hoped she would get to spend with Paige, but for some reason Paige had decided to go meet with a special trainer to help her go over some new skills at like 5 in the morning.

Azzi rolled out of bed quietly walking to the bathroom to get herself ready.

About an hour later she was about to get coffee herself when she got a text from Paige.

—-

P: hey Az can u pick me up?

Me: I thought you drove?

How did u get there?

P: I’m not at the trainers anymore, I’m at the hospital.

—-

Azzi froze, she felt her stomach drop all the way down to the floor.

She felt sick. Her fingers hovering over the keyboard.

—-

P: I can’t drive cuz I broke my foot landing wrong on a layup

Me: PAIGE WHAT???

ARE YOU SERIOUS ROGHT NOW??

GENO IS GOING TO KILL YOU

ARE YOU OKAY??

R U ON CRUTCHES????

CAN U WALK HOW BAD IS IT??

P: Azzi it’s okay I just need you to pick me up I have already talked to Geno don’t worry about me.

Me: I’m on my way don’t move

P: yup don’t have to worry about that 😀 👍

—-

Azzi’s heart was in her stomach, they had only played 4 games together so far. Azzi came not just for Paige but to play with her. Their chemistry on the court was undeniable and was a big reason why they were doing so well. Without Paige there was no telling of how successful they would be as a team.

As Azzi drove she couldn’t help the nagging guilt in her. She should have gone with her to practice this morning. She should have stopped her from overworking herself.

She has been working so hard to make sure she is in the best shape, but it’s also because she can’t be with Azzi, working out is the only thing that gets her mind off of it. So Azzi couldn’t help but feel partially responsible.

The guilt was also accompanied by pity. She knew how much Paige loved basketball, it was her whole life, and this was her first serious injury.

When Azzi had torn her ACL in 2018, Paige had been the first one to protect her and take care of her, now it was Azzi’s turn.

—-

Although Paige was upset and frustrated with herself she knew it wasn’t the worst case scenario. After watching Azzi go through the entire ACL tear and watching her resilience as she returned to the court, she had full belief that this would not be the end for her.

The second she fell she thought of Azzi. Paige knew that Azzi would feel guilty for not being there. Paige knew that she pushed herself too hard. Paige felt this level of guilt when Azzi got hurt. Azzi shares a part of her heart and she knew that if Paige got hurt she would feel it too.

When the doctor told her it was a minor fracture in her medial talus she was freaked out for sure, but remembering the look on Azzi’s face when the orthopedist told her she would be out for a year max and need surgery, she felt surprisingly grateful.

She wasn’t expecting this reaction from herself. But knowing she would be back in as early as 2 months made her feel lucky more than anything.

All she was worried about was Azzi. Sure it would be a setback. But she remembered what Azzi had told her after her knee surgery.

“A setback is only a failure if you let it stop you from working hard.”

And as Paige watched Azzi work tirelessly for those 12 months, she knew what the word resilience meant for the first time.

—-

Azzi slammed the door of her car, racing into the building to find Paige.

When she saw her big blue eyes rimmed red and puffy from crying her own began to water. She quickly hurried over to her wrapping her arms around her. Looking down at her foot in its cast.

“Oh my god Paige what did you do?” She says laughing out of shock with an obvious pain that showed Paige exactly how she felt.

“I’m okay Azzi honestly, it’s just a minor fracture I’m only going to be out for a couple months.” Paige said squeezing her shoulder

Azzi reached out, touching the hard cast.

“But you have been working so hard. We only just started.” Azzi said against her shoulder.

“Exactly . We have so much time together it’s okay. It’s just a minor setback, but after watching you recover and work so hard- maybe I needed this- maybe I needed this setback to put in perspective how much this really means to me.” Paige paused, pulling Azzi away from her grasp to look her in the eye.

“ I believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe it isn’t clear now, but I’m sure it will be soon. Who knows maybe I’ll have the comeback of the year or something.” Paige said with a laugh.

Azzi felt a little better hearing her laugh and seeing a smile on her beautiful face.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Does it hurt.” Azzi said worriedly, helping her to her feet and grabbing her some crutches.

“Nah I’m okay don’t worry it only hurts a little.” Paige said wincing as she steadied herself, her face saying another story.

Azzi gave her a knowing look and made her sit down.

Grabbing her crutches and helping her hobble over to her car.

“I’m gonna pick up your car later okay?” Azzi said looking at Paige all comfy in her front seat, she always kept a blanket there, claiming it was in case she got cold, but paige was the only one who ever used it.

“No, don’t leave. I want you to stay with me. Just today.” Paige pleaded, widening her eyes and fluttering her eyelashes.

Azzi sighed. There was no arguing with her.

As they pulled into their suite, the rest of the team was already there worried for her, including both Geno and CD and one of the athletic trainers.

They spent about 45 minutes going over Paige's injury and talking about resilience and comeback and what not.

Azzi ended up finding her unicorn arm cushions from when she tore her ACL and set Paige up with a nice comfy system.

“Alright now for Paige’s sake I need someone to take good care of her while she is hurt.” Geno started, looking around the room.

—

There were 4 suites for the team, 2 rooms in each one. The three were upstairs except for the one Azzi, Caroline, Amari, and Aubrey shared.

—

“Ok Paige since you obviously won’t be going up the stairs for a little while, why don’t you stay down here and swap rooms with Caroline for the time being.” Geno continued.

Paige and Azzi looked at each other. This would be the first time they slept in the same room since August.

Paige couldn’t hide the smile that started curling on her lips, noticing Azzi having the same reaction.

As everyone started to roll out of the room, one of the trainers paused.

“Paige by the way, whatever you do u cannot get that cast wet. And you are going to have to get a bucket or something so you can sit in the shower. I’d recommend you get a teammate to help you clean yourself. You’re both girls, it's fine.” She said as she walked out the door.

“Uhm so who’s going to literally shower paige.” Aubrey said laughing.

“I mean I guess it might make most sense for Azzi too since we are rooming…” Paige trailed off trying to hide her excitement of finally feeling Azzi’s soft fingers on her skin after all this time.

“Wow, seems like someone knows exactly what she wants, I guess it’s settled, good luck Azzi…. And you should probably get on that cuz paige u smell like ass- must’ve been a good workout.” Amari chimed in laughing as Paige’s face turned bright red.

Paige glanced at Azzi and watched as her lips twisted into a smirk

“I have class in an hour but I guess if we make it quick.” Azzi said, looking Paige up and down.

Aubrey and Amari were completely clueless to the shift in the air. Paige on the other hand felt a warm sensation in her stomach as her panties dampened under Azzi’s intense stare.

15 minutes later they were alone in the bathroom. The suite was empty except for them.

No one really suspected anything, if anything they felt bad for Paige having to be exposed like this. Paige on the other hand was both eager and nervous to be alone-naked with Azzi again.

Azzi locked the bathroom door.

“I feel like you got injured on purpose just so I would have to touch your naked body.” Azzi scoffed, creeping up to her.

Paige had crutches into the bathroom and sat on the closed toilet as Azzi moved her crutches and set up a plastic crate in the shower for Paige to sit on.

Paige's breath hitched as Azzi walked towards her placing her fingers on her shoulders running them up and down her arms.

Paige looked up at her with needy eyes.

“Missed you so bad.” She said taking in Azzi in front of her.

“I can tell.” Azzi laughed watching the way her body flinched under her touch.

Azzi leaned in and started to unzip her hoodie.

“I have missed you too.” Azzi whispered into her ear, pressing her lips against it as she slid her hoodie off her shoulders.

Paige whined craving more, helping pull her arms out of the holes.

“So much for not fucking while we are on campus.” Paige said in between breaths.

“Who said we were gonna fuck?” Azzi questioned, teasingly laughing as Paige pouted.

“What? I'm just following the trainers orders, nothing wrong with this baby.” Azzi continued as she guided Paige to lift her arms, raising her shirt over her head.

Azzi’s eyes flicked over her abs, watching as Paige's nipples poked through her sports bra under her gaze. Azzi ran her fingers over the sports bra paying special attention to them through the cloth.

“You didn’t hurt your arms, you know.” Azzi noted, as Paige raised her arms again, wanting Azzi to take off her other layer as she felt the heat throbbing in her pants.

“Azzi come on. I’m crippled.” Paige whines.

Azzi rolls her eyes dramatically, wrapping her fingers around the band of her sports bra and making a show as she takes it off of her, revealing Paige's breasts and pink nipples all hard for her.

Azzi’s breath hitched as she saw her beautiful girl in front of her naked and on display for the first time in months.

She wanted nothing more than to latch her mouth and rub her hands all over her nipples, but seeing Paige cocky smirk at her reaction made her want to make Paige beg for it.

Azzi couldn’t deny how hot this side of Paige was, this desperately submissive side she had been hiding, she wasn’t about to give in just yet, she wanted to make it last.

Paige huffed as Azzi moved down to her pants, ignoring her pink nipples longing to be sucked, and going straight to work.

Azzi looked up at Paige's desperation-filled eyes and wrapped her fingers around her pants. Paige lifted her ass clawing at Azzi’s back for support as Azzi slid them down her legs slowly paying extra careful attention to her hurt foot.

Paige closed her legs embarrassed about how wet she was.

She had thrown on grey Cotton panties so there was no doubt Azzi would see just how much Azzi was affecting her.

Azzi looked at her with a smirk as she pulled her legs apart, her smirk growing as she saw the pool of wetness that had accumulated in her panties.

“Aw Paigey you’re soaked.” Azzi said teasingly as Paige's face grew red turning away from her, refusing to make eye contact with her.

“I want you to look at me when I touch you.” Azzi said dominantly running her fingers along the waistband of her panties outlining the seam all the way down to the bottom of her ass.

Paige shuttered, returning her glance to Azzi melting under her dominant brown eyes that would make her instantly release.

Azzi ran her hands over Paige's face, pulling some of her blonde hair out of the way and back into the messy bun she had in.

“Let’s get these off and get you cleaned up… you’re such a mess.” Azzi said seductively wrapping her hands around the inner part of her panties brushing her fingers against Paige's folds. Paige let out a moan at the much needed contact.

After her panties were removed and she was fully naked, Azzi helped her over to the shower, sitting her on the crate making sure her foot was still out of the way of the water.

Waiting no more time, Azzi grabbed a bottle of her soap- coconut and vanilla- the one that Paige would never stop smelling whenever she had it on, and began to massage it into her skin starting by standing behind her and rubbing it into her shoulders and back.

After a few minutes. Paige was confused why it was taking her so long, the need between her legs over powering her.

“What are you doing?” Paige asked with a laugh as Azzi’s touch lingered against her back running up in back in a specific pattern

“Writing my name.” Azzi responded simply, before leaning forward and clarifying, “I want you to know you’re mine.”

Paige let out a breathy moan at that, and shivered as Azzi, who was still standing outside of the shower, wrapped her arms from the back to the front of Paige's body blindly kneading her tits, rolling her nipples around in her fingers.

“Just making sure I don’t miss a spot. Wanna make sure my pretty girl is done right.” Azzi said as Paige's breathing sped up.

Azzi twists the bucket slightly so Paige is now facing her. She begins to spread the soap down, rubbing it into her lower stomach and passing the place Paige was craving to be touched.

Azzi rubbed her exposed foot and worked her way up massaging her calf and thigh slowly getting higher and higher on her thigh until she reached her pussy.

Mixing in some of the water Azzi began to move her hand closer to Paige's pussy, lightly brushing past her clit as she let the water wash off the soap.

Paige moaned as the water pounded down on her clit, Azzi methodically worked the head of the shower so that it was lingering on her pussy, the warm water hitting her clit just where she needed it.

Paige moaned at the contact and Azzi could no longer hold back any longer. She placed down the shower head back on the stand and she ran her fingers over paige’s pussy.

“Need me bad huh.” Azzi whispered, staring at her pussy…

Paige nodded desperately, thrusting her hips up balancing on her good leg, needing Azzi to apply contact.

“Relax baby. Let me do the work.” Azzi said as Paige whined.

She shoved Paige's hips back onto the bucket and began to run her fingers through her folds, rubbing small tight circles on her swollen clit.

“You don’t know how much I have missed your beautiful pussy.” Azzi said, looking up at Paige as she thrusted 3 fingers inside her immediately, not giving her even a second to adjust to the stretch inside her.

Paige yelped at the sudden feeling of Azzi inside of her that she had been craving for months.

“oh god don’t stop baby.” Paige moaned, pulling Azzi closer to her, forcing her fingers deeper in until they hit her g spot.

Azzi continued pounding into her curling her fingers upwards exploring Paige's cervix with her fingers while continuing to pound into her.

Paige leaned up against the wall of the shower pulling Azzi towards her flexing her thighs as she began to feel her stomach tighten.

“So close oh my god Azzi. Please.”

Azzi, feeling her walls tighten, continued pounding into her, pressing on her lower stomach causing Paige to unravel underneath her.

“Azzi oh god I’m coming.” Paige shouted as she moaned her wetness gushing out of her as Azzi rode out her high.

Once Paige was just a pile of moans Azzi pulled her fingers out of her and popped them into her own mouth savoring her taste and making a show of herself sucking on them, refusing to make eye contact with paige.

Paige grabbed her by the hair forcing her tongue into her mouth moaning as she tasted herself in her mouth.

“It’s not fair I’m the only one with no clothes on.” Paige noted, annoyed that she hadn’t gotten to see Azzi’s beautiful body yet.

“Patience p.” Azzi said with a wink as she got up and grabbed a towel wiping off the rest of the water off of Paige's body.

She helped Paige hobble back to her room and got her situated, making sure her foot was elevated and she had plenty of Advil.

“I’m gonna go grab you something to eat, I have class in like 45 minutes so I can’t be long.” Azzi said, taking off her shirt to change.

“Wait ow it hurts.” Paige said calmly to not stress out Azzi.

But Azzi being how she is rushed over to paige.

“Are you okay, do u need another pillow, more Advil?” Azzi started questioning, but was interrupted when Paige pulled her onto her lap so Azzi was straddling her.

“It’s not fair that I was the only one who got fucked today.” Paige said smirking as she ran her hand over Azzi’s breasts that were poking through her tank top.

“No bra? It’s like ur asking for me to fuck you. How am I supposed to focus on resting when I can see your pretty nipples through your shirt.” Paige noted pulling the straps of Azzi’s tank top down.

“Paige you need to rest come on.” Azzi said, but her breath hitched despite her and she let out a soft moan as Paige pulled her shirt up revealing her nice tits.

Without saying anything Paige began to rub them, pulling Azzi towards her and wrapping her lips around her nipple. She sucked watching as Azzi moaned into her.

Azzi could feel the wetness that had already formed in her shorts from when she finger fucked paige minutes earlier.

“I don’t want you to over do it.” Azzi said between moans as Paige's fingers trailed lower on her stomach.

“How bout u sit on my face.” Paige said with a smirk as Azzi immediately went red.

“I’m too heavy paige oh my god that’s no I don’t think-“ Azzi started protesting but paige grabbed her ass squeezing it tightly as she pushed Azzi up towards her mouth sitting her so her legs were on either side of her head.

At this point Azzi was hovering over her in just her pink Nike shorts. Without another word Paige pulled her shorts to the side and pushed Azzi down on her tongue.

Azzi let out a loud moan in shock at the sudden pressure. Paige's nose brushed her clit as she dipped her tongue in and out of Azzi.

Pulling it out she began to swirl it around her clit flicking it up and down against her.

Paige grabbed Azzi’s ass, grinding her against her mouth tasting her wetness.

“Missed this pussy- taste so good” paige said against her pussy. The vibrations of her voice overstimulate Azzi as she feels her climax start to close in.

“Feels so good.” Azzi moans “gonna come oh god.” Azzi feels herself try to pull away but paige’s strong hand keeps her tight on her face continuing to fuck her with her tongue.

“Look at me baby. You can come for me.” Paige says without stopping.

Azzi meets her eyes and instantly crumbles under the dominance of the blue eyes. She started coming her white syrup pouring into Paige's mouth as Paige used her tongue to shovel every drop of it into her mouth. Savoring the taste of her.

“You taste amazing. I have missed this.” Paige said happily looking at Azzi who was folded over on top of her.

Azzi moved to the side to look into her beautiful blue eyes. Laughing as she sees some of her come on her nose. She kisses it off smiling.

“To be honest I don’t think I can not do this for another month.” Azzi said, running her hand lovingly over Paige's face. Ya I don’t think that’s gonna be a problem anymore, Paige said looking at her phone seeing a text from Aubrey.

—-

Aub: Can u guys shut the fuck up. Like my ears are bleeding 😀

It cannot be that good Azzi

whole new meaning to that 69 joke you made.

U held out well I’ll give u that, guess I owe ice 50 bucks.

—-

Paige laughed, turning back to Azzi, who looked a little nervous.

“What if Geno finds out and gets bad at us.” Azzi starts. “I don’t want him worried that we are going to mess up the team if we break up.”

Azzi said worriedly as she snuggled closer to paige.

“Baby don’t worry, that’s not gonna happen, we won’t break up, can’t even go a month without you so trust when I say I could never live without you.” Paige said, reassuring her, and touching her now messy, curly hair.

“You have girlfriend hair.” She laughed trying to pat it down for her.

“Ughh paigeee.” Azzi whines, flattening it with her hands and shoving Paige back before snuggling up into her chest.

“I love you P.” She says muffled by her chest.

“Love you too Az.” Paige replies wrapping her fingers in her hair pulling her closer to her heart where she will keep her forever.

#pazzi #pazzi fics #azzi fudd #paige bueckers #pazzi fic #paige x azzi

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morlock-holmes · 18 hours ago

Text

The Conspiratorial Mindset

So, I've always had a bit of an interest in scams and hokum, and what people call "Cults".

One of the common refrains when you talk about religious Cults is, "If you think about it all religions have beliefs that seem odd to outsiders" and this is true, but as I read more about cults I started to think,

"Wait, a lot of these groups aren't united just by having unusual religious or supernatural views; a lot of them also seem to have matching patterns of behaviors that have nothing to do with belief in psychic space aliens"

I'm talking about things like,

Having a leadership structure which is absolute, where the top leaders cannot be disciplined or even openly criticized by lower members;

Exerting tremendous control over the dress and behavior of adherents;

Telling adherents that outsiders are untrustworthy and that contact with outsiders should be strictly limited and heavily monitored by organizational leadership;

The extensive and common use of shunning and reprogramming in response to violation of any of the above rules.

In some groups, failing to adhere to the dress code and spending a lot of time with outsiders is, at worst, the subject of a few little jabs at family gatherings. In other groups, those same behaviors are treated as Defcon one crises and become the central issue of the adherent's relationship with everybody else in the organization until they can be bullied back into doing the organization's bidding.

It was gratifying to learn that other people have noticed these patterns (Some people prefer the term "High Control Group" to "Cult" because it highlights what the actual problem is)

I am starting to notice similar dynamics in what are commonly called "Conspiracy theories".

The thing about conspiracy theories is... Well, conspiracies exist, and sometimes groups of powerful people get together to do something in secret which would get them in big trouble if they were to do it openly.

But I am starting to notice a particular, I don't know, a particular way of conceptualizing the organization and purpose of conspiracies which is unique to some people and which characterizes the kind of conspiracy theorist who takes Alex Jones seriously.

I kind of think of it as a "Witch-Hunting mentality".

For certain people in more primitive times and places, if they, say, slipped off a ladder and hurt themselves, their first thought would be, "That must have happened because a witch cursed me. We need to find and punish the witch who cursed me."

And this isn't just the attribution of malice that characterizes this idea:

One malicious conspiracy that might make you fall off a ladder is a manufacturer who doesn't care about safety ratings. Imagine that the manufacturer is really deliberately malicious here. A subordinate comes to him and says, "Our ladders can't reliably hold the weight of a person and a lot of them will probably break and cause people to fall and hurt themselves." and he says, "I know that but who cares, by the time people figure it out it'll be too late to get their money back."

That's a malicious conspiracy, but, importantly, if Bob buys a faulty ladder and falls off, the conspiracy wasn't trying to hurt Bob; it merely didn't care whether Bob got hurt.

Now, this distinction doesn't take away the malice and hostility towards Bob, but if you go to the ladder manufacturer and say, "Hey boss, Bob bought one of our faulty ladders, but he's really skinny so the ladder didn't break" the manufacturer will go, "Who the fuck is Bob? And good, that's one less angry person."

Whereas imagine Bob's ladder has been cursed to break by a witch. The witch did it because she hates Bob, and wants him to fall, and if she finds out he didn't fall, she'll go, "Curses, I'll have to find some other way to hurt Bob."

Conspiracy theorists, it seems to me, are far more inclined to conceptualize conspiracies as acts of deliberate malice aimed at them rather than acts of negligent malice.

@loving-n0t-heyting posted this article from the New York Post which contains a good example of what I mean:

“I thought I was on the cutting edge of promoting rights for gay people,” Yang said. “But then I started looking deeper into where this was coming from and who was paying for it, and I started to get very disillusioned...

I assume the people paying for it are LGBT advocacy groups? Did you, uh, not know that the people you were working for were paying you to work for them?

“When you really dig down you can see how much of this comes from documents and plans at the United Nations,” Yang said, referring in part to the UN’s “Gender Equality” initiative. “It’s part of a global agenda to restructure society, re-structure our social norms and the economy,” Yang claimed. “They are undermining the sexually dimorphic nature of reality and breaking down the differences between the sexes to break down our identity. They are constructing identities for us and they want us to adopt them.”

Oh, I see.

This is exactly what I mean. LGBT rights efforts make Yang and others feel disoriented, like society is being restructured and that they are being left behind, like they aren't quite in control of social norms and that stable identity categories can't be relied on anymore.

Now, one kind of conservative might look at that and say, "These are bad second order effects of LGBT people trying to assert their lifestyle in public and that's why we should oppose them."

But another kind says, "These changes make me feel unstable. Therefore, the main purpose of the changes is to make me feel unstable. In order to understand these changes, I need to figure out who wants me to feel unstable and what they would gain from making me feel unstable."

The idea that Yang's feeling of instability is simply a side effect of a series of efforts mainly focused on LGBT rights is incomprehensible. Instead, she believes that there is a series of efforts focused mainly on making her feel unstable, with LGBT rights as a kind of side effect to the main goal of making her feel unstable.

This kind of thing is, to me, a big red flag that indicates that we are starting to float away from reasonable conspiracy thinking into crazy town.

I am particularly curious if folks can recommend any writers or researchers who have noticed this dynamic.

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csainzsgirly · 21 hours ago

Note

soooo carlos x ex bestfriend reader

trying to win her back after he royally fucked up his chances with her

lots of pining, angst + delicious smut when he finally worms his way way back into her heart

smut (18+), p in v, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, carlos being super hot as you remember him being a twink when he was younger, him being down bad and doing everything to speak to you.

also: I usually don't write angst, so sorry if its baddd :(

Waking up on the first of January at six in the morning without a pounding headache and a throat as dry as a desert, was a first for you. But it was a very welcome first. No big party on the last day of the year, no throwing back many glasses of wine and switching to vodka halfway before throwing up your guts in a nasty club bathroom. You felt slightly tired, yet energized at the same time as you got out of bed. It was freezing, goosebumps instantly showing up on your skin when you made your way to the windows on bare feet. Orange and red pastels, a thick blanket of snow, and the Dolomites were greeting you when you shoved the curtains aside. The sun was starting to rise above the mountains, the valley slowly starting to wake up. Leaving Madrid for this - snow, winter, a ski resort, wasn't what you originally had in mind for 2025.

But you had to leave. There were so many bad memories that clung to the city you were born in, where you had always stayed because you were afraid of change, afraid to go somewhere new and step out of your comfort zone. It had felt cringe to tell yourself: this was going to be your year, however, you needed to grab life by the balls for once. You threw on a knitted sweater and pushed your feet into some fluffy slippers, making your way to the kettle to get some tea and warm up the place a little. You had moved to Val Gardena mid-December to start working at Lum D'or, a luxurious chalet in the Dolomites. Cleaning other people's mess wasn't exactly a luxurious job, but it paid very well, especially as the chalet was ridiculously expensive and the people who were staying there often left big tips. This job is supposed to be temporary, to help you on your feet again. You want to go far, far away as soon as you managed to fill your bank account to the brim.

The owners of the chalet, Mr and Mrs Lombardi, were nice and put in a good word for you when you went apartment hunting in the valley. You signed your contract two days ago, after they were satisfied with your work. It was easy, the area was beautiful, and the people here didn't know you. It was easier to hide your emotions, it was easier to be someone you were not. Mrs. Lombardi let you know last week that new guests would arrive on the first day of the new year in the afternoon. The guests had provided her with a list of provisions, which you had ordered and which will arrive today as well. Among the guests was an athlete, she told you, but you were aware that celebrities and sport icons often came here. You would probably barely see them anyway.

After having a cup of tea and some breakfast, you showered and got dressed to face the cold. The chalet was a ten-minute walk from your apartment. The cold air was biting into your cheeks, snow scrunching under your boots. You unlocked the door of the chalet, going through your usual routine - starting up the fireplace in the living room and turning on the heating, making sure the marble kitchen was spotless and mopping the tile floor again. You fell into an easy rhythm of non-stop cleaning for an hour, until the truck with the provisions arrived. The driver helped you unload it into the hallway, from which you would carry it to the kitchen and divide it over the fridge and the drawers. It took more time than you thought it would, but it was barely past twelve, so you had enough time to go upstairs and finish the beds. The chalet hosted eight guests in four bedrooms, and you were notified that all rooms would be occupied.

You were lost in thought while folding the towels and checking the bathrooms, not noticing the cars turning up on the driveway. You were busy with the last bedroom, vacuuming the rug once more and doing the same to the lounging set on the balcony. "Excuse me?" a knock on the door and a voice behind you nearly gave you a heart attack. You clutched the pillow of the chair to your chest, looking over at a man standing in the doorway with his suitcase. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he smiled politely. "I assume it's okay we are arriving already?" The guests were early, great. "Hi, of course," you breathed, calming down your heartbeat. "I will be gone in five minutes," you said. "Take your time, don't worry," he said, parking his suitcase around the corner. "La limpiadora todavía está aquí, ningún intruso o algo así." Great, Spaniards. And they were over three hours early.

You reached for your phone in your back pocket, seeing a text from Mrs. Lombardi on your screen: Dear, the guests are on their way already. Is the chalet ready?

You gnawed at your bottom lip and quickly replied to her that you were finishing up and would offer them assistance in case they needed it, before leaving.

You took the vacuum cleaner with you and placed it in storage again, hearing the guests downstairs. They were speaking in Spanish, suitcases rolling in, car doors slamming close. You fixed your shirt a little, walking past the other bedrooms to do a quick check and make sure you hadn't forgotten anything in the rush. You pulled the bedding a little tighter over the mattress, fluffing up the pillows a little more and checking the bathroom a last time. You were glad you did, as a couple of towels were left unfolded. Footsteps in the hallway and towards the bedroom told you to hurry. "I'll be out of your hair soon!" you called from the bathroom, stacking the towel before swiftly moving to the other. "Please, don't worry." You froze in your spot, recognizing the voice. The deep, rich sound, the accent when he spoke English.

"I just wanted to apologize for our early arrival, I'm aware that wasn't communicated well, so I-...," he stood in the doorway, looking at you with the towel in your hands. You hadn't seen Carlos in years. You hadn't talked to him in years. He had become a stranger to you, and you had prayed for the universe to keep it that way. But the universe seemingly had other things in mind. "Y/N," he said softly, brown eyes clearly confused and surprised at the same time. You fixed your posture, bitterness filling your mouth. "Mr. Sainz. It's a pleasure to host you in Lum D'or. Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you and your guests before leaving. Else, I will return during my working hours listed on the schedule in the kitchen." The words rolled off your lips in a practiced way, and you put down the last towel a little harder than you meant to. Carlos was still staring at you. "If there's nothing I can do for you, I'd appreciate it if you could step aside," you said, brushing past him soon after.

Your fingers were trembling when you walked down the stairs, taking a deep breath. He was the reason you wanted to leave Madrid behind you as far as you could. Everything fell apart when he left Madrid to race in Formula 1. He had promised you you were part of his dream, but instead he had left and didn't call once. Your friendship was over, as if it never existed in the first place. It had left you heart broken when you were nineteen. And now you were the cleaner of his goddamn holiday chalet. You slipped into your boots and your jacket, leaving through the back door to not disturb his friends. The cold air cleared your mind up a little, and you just hoped, you really hoped, that these three weeks would be over soon and your life would go back to the way it was: Carlos Sainz-less. The thought of it caused your heart to squeeze in your chest, and a lump in your throat became hard to swallow.

You got into your apartment again, relief spreading through your body. Your eyes were burning with salty tears. Seeing him again hurt more than you thought. There were things he wanted to say, you could see it in his eyes, but you knew nothing would ever be good enough to fix how you felt about him and what happened. It felt like you had never been good enough for him, like you weren't worthy enough of being a friend while he traveled the world for Formula 1. Not once you were invited to come over, not once you were texted with an update about his life. All calls went to voicemail. He wanted nothing to do with you, and now you wanted nothing to do with him anymore. It was the hardest thing ever, especially as he was a God in Spain and on every billboard and poster in Madrid. His face was on every corner of your hometown, whether it was an ad at the bus station or one of his race cars in the Santander location a block over.

Ten years later, he was still everywhere.

You turned off the nerves when you went back inside the chalet the day after they arrived. No cars on the porch told you they were all gone, and you hoped to get everything done before they'd come back. Carlos and his friends seemed to be neat. You followed your usual routine again, cleaning the kitchen and the living room before moving up to the bedrooms. You made the beds and cleaned the bathrooms, rolling up the towels like yesterday. You entered the room where Carlos was staying, swallowing hard as you looked around, seeing his belongings. You were about to leave, when your eye caught something laying on the desk in the corner. It was a chocolate bar, one you used to love as a kid. Spanish candy from the old days, candy you and Carlos used to share when you were younger and you were watching him at the karting track. A note was scribbled next to it.

Solías amarlos cuando éramos niños.

With a scoff, you shoved both the note and the chocolate bar in the bin next to the desk. But Carlos wasn't easily defeated. He knew you were avoiding him and you were purposely coming in later to do your work without having a chance to see him. The next two days, he left you flowers or something else that reminded you of your friendship when you were kids. He left more notes, asking you to please let him talk to you, to let him explain. They ended up in the bin every time. You just wanted these three weeks to be over as soon as possible. You felt relieved each time you entered the chalet and it was empty, meaning another day would pass by without you having an awkward encounter with Carlos. Today, however, was different. You thought everyone was out of the house, but you never noticed Carlos was having a recovery day in the heated pool and the sauna.

He nearly scared you to death when he suddenly showed up in the bathroom, a towel around his waist, ready to get into the shower. Your cheeks heat up as your eyes meet his defined chest, strong shoulders and firm arms. "Don't leave," he softly said, already anticipating your next move as soon as you saw him. "No," you pull your arm back as he reached for it. "Y/N... Please, can we just talk?" he asked. "We can't," you said. "I'll come back later to finish the bathroom." His touch burned through your shoulder when he reached for you again. "Five minutes is all I'm asking for," Carlos said, towering over you as he took a step closer to you. You felt the counter of the sink press against your lower back. "You need to stop," you bit. "You left me ten years ago after we were friends since birth. You hurt me," your finger pricked into his chest. "Stop hurting me and leave me alone," you added softly, swallowing hard.

His hair was still a little damp, raven strands messily hanging over his forehead. His features were more defined, more manly, more handsome. You always new Carlos Sainz would grow up to be a hearthrob. He learned to control the scruff on his face, his chest smoothly shaven. The brown eyes remained the same. He was hurt, you could see that, but so were you. "I'm sorry," Carlos said, stepping back. "I want you to know that," his voice was soft as well. "You should've let me know earlier," you said, trembling a little. You looked away from him and made your way out of the room, not looking back before leaving. "Wait!" Carlos' footsteps were audible on the stairs. He was dressed in a couple of sweats quickly, and he moved a sweater over his head while following you around the corner. "I need your help with the coffee machine," he blurted out.

"You-... What?" you asked, your coat already in your hands, ready to leave. "It's not working properly. The owners told me to ask you," Carlos said. "It looked like it was working just fine this morning," you reply. "Well, it stopped working after this morning." He pushed his hands in the pockets of his sweats, a stubborn look on his face you clearly recognized from when he was younger. You drop your coat without a word and move to the kitchen to check up on the coffee machine. It was a ridiciously huge thing, and you were sure they had plucked it out some kind of extravaganza coffee place. You switched the machine on and watched it run warm before you selected the button to make a cappucino. "See, it's not doing anything," Carlos said, standing so close behind you, you could feel the heat radiating from his body. "You're hovering," you mutter. "I'm not," he replied. "Did you give it some time to work?" you asked.

"Of course I did," he stubbornly said. "Did you think of refilling the water tank or do I need to do that for you too when I'm here in the morning?" you look at him from over your shoulder, an annoyed scowl visible on your face that caused the corners of his mouth to go upwards. "You did this on purpose," you state soon after, taking a large cup to refill the water tank of the coffee machine. "I swear I didn't," Carlos held his hands up in defeat, not able to stop the grin from showing up on his face. "What's so funny, then?" you shove him with your shoulder. "You still do the thing with your eyebrow when you're annoyed with me," his face softens a little again. You don't reply to that, instead putting the cup under the machine and letting it make a coffee. "It's working again," you say. "My shift is over," you add, making your way to the hall again to get your coat and bag and leave. Carlos watched you leave, knowing he needed to break down the wall you built around yourself further.

He continued leaving things you loved for you in his room. Every morning, you found something else on the table or the desk. He left more flowers, candy, small gifts. You wanted him to stop it, because you weren't going to give in. His holiday in Val Gardena was almost over, and you couldn't wait for the moment he and his friends would pack everything and leave, so you could continue your life and not think about him again. The problem was, you started to become curious for what he left for you every morning. You stopped throwing everything in the bin. You kept the notes he wrote with them. And it needed to stop. You could sense Carlos was around the house when you made your way upstairs. You started on the other rooms before arriving at his. He was outside on the balcony, reading something while having a coffee. Something shiny was waiting for you on the table.

It was a necklace with a little helmet, his helmet. The one you used to wear when you were a kid and joined him every weekend at the track. You were convinced you had lost it somewhere.

"I kept it," Carlos says, standing in the doorway. The cold air from outside caused you to shiver, and he was quick to close the door behind him. "You don't have the right to do this to me," you reply. "You're leaving in two days, and then what?" you continue. "Then give me a chance to explain," Carlos steps closer to you. "Nothing you say can fix it all, Carlos, don't you get that?" you slightly raise your voice. "You think a couple of presents will just make me forget what happened?" his eyes briefly look away from you. "I was young and stupid, okay," Carlos started. "And I'm sorry," he said. "And I was scared," he admitted. "Scared of dragging you into my crazy life. I don't regret that, but I deeply regret never speaking about it and just leaving." The tension in your shoulders sunk slightly. "The truth is, I didn't know how to tell you. I got a new phone, my socials were handled by a manager, everything changed."

You swallowed hard, unsure what to do or what to say. "I went back to look for you, but your parents said you moved and wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I can't blame you for that," he let out a humorless chuckle. "Look, I get it if you don't want see me ever again," Carlos continued, taking another step towards you. You had to crane your neck to look into his eyes. "But I wanted you to hear this, my apology, because I owed you one. That's all," he said. His fingers brushed over your cheek. "I've always loved you, and I wish I didn't hurt you so much," his deep brown eyes roamed over your face. "You better not be messing with me now," you whisper, feeling his hot breath ghost over your lips, the tip of his nose against yours. "I'm not, we both wouldn't be able to handle that," Carlos says. "Please," he adds, his lips lightly brushing over yours, making you feel dizzy and lightheaded at the same time. Your fingers curl into the material of his sweater.

"Let me kiss you," he finished, firmly connecting your lips with the most delicious kiss. You had kissed only once before, when you were teenagers and wondering what was so special about it. You hadn't understand back then, but now you did. Warmth spread through your chest, a shiver running up your spine when his hand cupped the side of your neck, the other squeezing your waist to pull you closer. Carlos' tongue licked your lower lip before deepening the kiss, your fingers disappearing into his thick hair, tugging on the roots of the strands. A soft whimper escaped you when his mouth trailed down your jaw, to your neck. "Let me make it up to you," his voice rasped in your ear, weakening your knees. He lifted you up with ease, planting you on the edge of the bed. Your fingers pulled on his sweater, lifting it up as far as you could reach. Carlos tugged it over his head effortlessly, his muscles flexing as he threw the piece of clothing on the floor.

There was no denying that he got hot. Really hot. He leaned down to kiss you again, your hands roaming over his naked chest, feeling the smooth planes of muscles, nails tickling his abs. You were getting rid of your clothes soon after, sitting in front of him in a simple black bra and thong, your face heating up at the way he looked at you. To him, you were breathtaking. You had grown into such a beautiful woman, the pink apples of your cheeks and pretty eyes looking up at him causing his cock to stir in his jeans. Long gone was the slim girl who always carried his helmet around. "You're so gorgeous," Carlos says, warm palms feeling your curves, your hips, the flesh of your thighs. "Always knew you'd grow up a maneater," he teases, a grin tugging on his lips at the giggle he'd pull out of you. You reach back for the clasp of your bra, dropping it on the floor soon after. Your back arches as his thumb brushes over your areola's.

His lips continue their path down your body, hot and wet kisses dropped on your skin before he reached your tits, squeezing and massaging the skin, teasing your nipples with his tongue and teeth. It was enough to create an insatiable friction between your thighs, making you whimper and whine impatiently, especially when his mouth traveled south, but not fast enough. A high-pitched oh! was dragged from your throat when his hands firmly part your thighs and his mouth delves in, tongue burying in your pussy without hesitation, licking up and sucking your clit into his mouth. Your fingers disappear into his hair again, nails scratching his scalp in attempt to push his head even deeper between your legs. Carlos groaned at the taste of your cunt on his tongue, flicking the muscle around your hole before dipping in. The obscene sounds of his wet mouth on your pussy filled the room, bouncing off the walls and having you writhing beneath him.

Your other hand reaches for something to hold onto, the poor pillows suffocating in the grip of your fist before they were tossed aside. "Shit, Carlos," you cry, causing his eyes to flicker up to the image beneath him. You looked so beautiful with your head thrown back, your back arched, hips bucking up against his face for more, more, more. "You taste so good," he praises, taking a playful nibble of your thigh, leaving his mark before his tongue laps and slurps and sucks at your cunt again. His teeth tease your clit before he sucks the nub of nerve endings into his mouth again, white-hot pleasure clouding your vision. Nobody had made you cum like that in a long time, the deliciousness gripping all ends of your nervesystem and making you tremble slightly. Your toes curled, but you felt the butterflies again when he sat up and unclasped the belt around his jeans. Carlos zipped the denim down, getting rid of the clothes he was still wearing, freeing his cock from his underwear.

You grew even hotter under his stare, watching his fist close around his fat cock, which he stroke once or twice before hovering over you. The heat was radiating off his body, your palms feeling his hot skin when your hands moved over his shoulders and to his biceps. He felt heavy atop of you, the weight of his body pushing you deeper into the mattress. He slipped inside you so effortlessly, stilling slightly as he was buried inside you. You fit so well together, he couldn't believe you didn't do this earlier. Carlos withdrew his hips slightly before rolling them into yours again, your teeth biting into his shoulder at how good he felt. His cock was stretching you out, your walls burning a little with both pleasure and pain. Your smaller body fitted perfectly underneath his, his broad back almost making it unable for you to wrap your arms around him and claw at his back. His lips were nipping at your neck again, low grunts audible against the shell of your ear.

You moved together so well, moans and growls getting louder with each slam of his hips into yours. His fingers dug into your hips, into the back of your thighs as he lifted one of your legs higher up, spreading you further open and splitting you with his cock. You felt on the brink of another orgasm already, babbling his name and barely able to form coherent sentences. He was fucking you so well, you felt drunk, spinning out of reality and chasing your climax so desperately. "That's it, baby. Can feel your pussy squeezing me," Carlos grunts in your ear, fingers slipping between your bodies to rub firm circles over your clit. Your lips connect in an intimate kiss, your pussy gripping and sucking him in, desperate for both of your releases now. His cock was throbbing against your walls, and his thrusts got a little firmer, harder, deeper, making your eyes roll back and high-pitched moans harder to control. Your thighs tremble slightly at the intensity of your orgasm, weak moans escaping you as his body tenses in the best way possible before releasing.

Your toes curl again as he slowly thrusts through both of your orgasms. Your thighs are sticky with your mixed juices, which he's still keeping inside with his cock. "The universe brought us together again," he muses against your neck, leaving warm kisses up your skin before he gathered the strength to lift his head. "I think it did," you nodded, roaming your hands over his chest. "I knew it as soon as I saw you when I arrived," Carlos continued. "I'm not planning to leave so suddenly now," he said, caressing your face lovingly. "I want us to work." You look into his eyes, seeing that he truly meant it. "Stay a little longer," you propose. "Don't leave yet. We can catch up before your season starts again." Carlos nods slowly, agreeing with the plan. "Today was supposed to be a recovery day," he hums, kissing your shoulder again. "What time are the others coming back?" you ask. "After lunch," Carlos replied, lifting his wrist to look at the time. "We have some time." You push his chest to flip the two of you around, your heart skipping a beat at the sight of Carlos, your Carlos, beneath you. "Unless you want to recover," your nails tickle his chest slightly.

"Definitely not."

#carlos sainz #carlos sainz smut #carlos sainz x reader #cs x reader #cs #formula 1 smut #f1 smut

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