#whilst at teh same time not?

[chichiricatsan]

For the Writer's ask game – I'm curious about: 3,6 and 15!

Ahh! Thank you, thank you @weer02! I hope your writing isn't causing you to suffer too much its way! Caulscott shippers unite...in our boats...on a sea of tears... ToT <3

3. The WIP you're most attached to.

UMMM...all...of...them?? GAHH this is such a loaded question gahhhhhhhhhh D: I love them all for various reasons. I guess if I had to pick one right now it'd be the Ryan Lucan/Fem!OC one I mentioned from my first answer to some of these asks - mostly b/c it's more of a coping fic for self-projection but shhhh, we writers don't do that nooooo SHHHHH...

6. Which part of writing annoys you the most?

Proofreading and editing, writer's block, the existential dread setting in and slipping slowly into madness as one tries to write and more WIP ideas invade like a swarm of locusts until one's mind is a buzzing static of nothingness...? Writing. I love it, but...I hate it all at the same time...?? I hate it with love of course. And in that love, I write out the hate. I am making noooo sense. Or possily the most sense. Hurgh. :T

15. Is there any scene you were/are scared of writing? Why?

Okay, haha funny gif, but seriously, it's mostly anything to do with affection beyond holding hands and/or outside "status quo" BS. This extends to my drawings as well. I've gotten better over the years, but it's because I've cut myself off from people who've f*cked with me and my sense of worth and sexuality and everything to do with sexual...anything. I was raised very, VERY conservatively, that "ugly" conservatism, and with a lot of shaming, and that shame is so ingrained in my brain that it sometimes makes me physically sick to get over these hurdles. I had to teach myself a lot and learned things from my mother (when she didn't have her own issues to address), friends, and some of my more compassionate and patient doctors over the years (which, sadly, wasn't all that many). These issues also align with my triggers as a survivor of abuse in multiple forms, and I have to work very hard to be in harmony before I can write or draw a scene with a more risqué nature. It's therapeutic to do so, and I admit I'm more comfortable somehow drawing it than writing it, but I think that just stems from me always drawing from a young age rather than writing--a hobby I picked up more at the tail end of high school and whilst in college. I still have yet to do anything past a certain threshold. Sometimes I just don't want to for personal preferences or reasons.

But yeah... tl;dr: I can't draw/write teh sexy times easily :(

-> OG link for anyone wanting to ask me questions or have others ask them!

[lunararchmage]

FAR TOO FAMILIAR: crossover fanfic

Chapter one

Sirna places a hand infront of her as the mechanisms of the great Lift at Alftand, turned pushing light into view as the lift opened up to the snowy land the ice around the tower cracked, the view of northern Skyrim painted the view, teh mountains shielding winterhold could be seen in the distance to the east, to the west a structure overlooking Dawnstar would come to view the sea of Ghosts casting as far as the eye could see to the north.

Pulling the lever located in a corner on the walls of the lift. Opened the brass gates the cold air rushing past as Sirna pulled the fabric of the clothing she wore under her armor for warmth as she stepped out onto the rickety old wood and rope bridge connecting the loft to the old burned down expedition site Outside Of the old Dwemer ruin, following her a dear friend she came to know in her journeys that insisted they accompany her on this dangerous mission (yeah yaeh no one's buying that but Lydia can't escape me ) Lydia looked around as both there eye's adjust to the light of the surface, from the darker more dim light of blackreach. "Where to now my thane?" Lydia would ask as she readjusted herself sheathing her sword.

"I'd say we head towards Winterhold, and depending how long it takes, stay at the Inn before heading southeast to Windhelm we can take a carriage to Whiterun, we're you can return to your duties there whilst I take the elder scroll to Parrthunax at the throat of the world!" Sirna said taking out her map. "As you wish my thane!" With a bow, Sirna put her map away and started to make their way east , along the mountains over passing Saarthal. Then arriving in Winterhold by nightfall. "Looks like time isn't in our favor, today is it Lydia?" She joked as Lydia just nodded in silence, "uhh...we'll wait here I will go purchase a room in the Inn." She waved at the annoyingly silent Nord warning.

Sirna opened the door to the Frozen hearth inn , snowflakes flying in as it closed behind her, a small girl named Eirid says hi sharing a little too much on how the mages at the college won't let them in due to how dangerous it can be within it. And the two Owners of the tavern, hold a small conversation about not having enough meed , to go around as the Altmer woman approached the bar.

Dagur approaches the bar "good afternoon, if there's anything you need just let me know, we get a lot of business due to the college so it's no trouble!" He greets, Sirna nods and opens her mouth to speak, "good afternoon, I'd like to rent a room, just though the night!"

"Sure thing, it's your for a day, that, will be 10 septum's." He gestures as Sirna , grabs her gold purse and pays him the 10 gold he needed.

Dagur nods with a smile, "come I'll show you to your room!" At this time Lydia had come inside due to the cold weather. Dagur would walk out from the bar and walk over to the vacant room to the left and leads Sirna to her room. "If there's anything you need don't hesitate to ask we're be happy to help." Before returning to his post in the Tavern area.

Sirna would then share a few bottles of meed with the patrons , before passing out in her room

The day was Loredas, 14th of morning star, Sirna woke up with a crook in her neck she had never slept so good but so bad at the same time. Waking up way later then expected by 2:53 pm in the afternoon.

With a groan she would gather her things and set off begrudgingly with Lydia knowing they still had to work with the last bit of precious sunlight they still had. Both Sirna and Lydia set off east out of town down the road, looking back to the college wondering if they should've stayed another day to visit her sister within the college, still they pressed on walking down the long frozen path, wind and snow blew past them as the two encountered a cave bear on the road taking out there weapons, Lydia readied her iorn sword and shield , while Sirna pulled out, Sirnaria , a enchanted Glass sword (it doesn't actually have a name but i nicknamed it cuz it felt cool ) , killing the cave Bear they were back on track , a shadow looms over as they passed by the Shrine of Azura, glancing up this would have been enticing to check out but Sirna...after what happened on Solstheim, with Miraak and Hermaus Mora...dealing with the dedra was the last thing she wanted to do for a long time. So despite's the curiosity that picked her intrest, they continued down the road fighting a rouge ice wraith that wonders to close to the road and a few ice wolfs but nothing the Dragonborn couldn't handle. Soon enough they arrive at Windhelm and they quickly duck in the gates at the docks and start making their way though the hold, obviously being of mer , specifically Altmer and the relation between the Thalmor and the imperial empire, would warnet a few stares, scoffs and unkind names from passerby nord men who claimed to be "the true children of Skyrim" made there voices known as Sirna walked though the streets of the city wearing the blade's armor she may have stole from Sky Haven Temple.

Tho talk about "true children of Skyrim" left a bitter taste in her mouth and almost warnted a brawl but she stopped herself. it didn't really matter cuz the Nords Murdered the True sons and daughters of Skyrim back before in the days when the Dwemer still reigned in the underground cities, it was the Falmer, that were here first was it not? Despite who started the conflict, because of how history fell it did pain Sirna about how these posers made such claims after the slaughtering of the fellow mer.

"Need a ride?" The Nord carriage driver Alfarinn asked as the two approached from the stables, "yes in fact we seek passage to Whiterun if you please." She said blankly not really in a good mood. "Will do! Climb in back and will be off! That'll be 20 gold!" Alfarinn said as he was payed. Sirna hopped in and helped Lydia up and they sat in the back.

"hiyah!" Alfarinn wipped the rains of the horse and the carriage started moving "couldn't ask for better weather you know, " he started to make a little bit of small talk

Arriving to whiterun around 7 am on the 22nd of morning star, getting off , looking at the city, the Elf turned to Other. "Lydia..", "yes, my thane?" "I believe this is we're we part ways, ima start heading south east of Whiterun taking the road to Iverstead, mind saying hi to My brother and his husband for me?"

Lydia smiled and nodded placing a hand on her shoulder. "Well have a safe journey, and kick Aludin's scaly ass! And if you need any help come find me as your Housecarl your burdens are my burdens I live to serve you and I will fight by your side to the death!"

"I know that!" Sirna smiles as Lydia pulled away and made her way twords the city and, Sirna then makes the journey to Iverstead. Then , up the 7,000 steps up to high Hrothgar, Brifly greated by the graybeards as she passes by most of them meditating, she exits to the courtyard, and useing the clear skies shout makes her way up to the Throat of the World.

Upon arriving ontop the mountain Paarthurnax looks down as he approached quite impressed with Sirna, both finding and arriving with the elder scroll so soon....(little dose Paarthurnax knew I died a total of 100 times getting this a good 80% of those deaths were fall damaged- )). "You have it? The Kel ... i mean the Elder Scroll. Tiid kreh... qalos. Time shudders at its touch." Paarthurnax looked up as the speckled translucent snow like sparkles began to mend a little making a physical shutter. " There is no question. You are doom-driven Dovahkiin!...:.Kogaan Akatosh. The very bones of the earth are at your disposal. Go then. Fulfill your destiny. Take the Scroll to the Time-Wound. Do not delay. Aludin Will be coming. He cannot miss the signs, He is too proud, he Will awnser your Challenge!" The old Dovah lifted his wing allowing The dovahkiin to pass to the spot at the summet holding the elder scroll infrount of her she hesitates.

"Krosis Dovahkiin, why do you stop? Are you having second thoughts?" Paarthurnax asked

"No, Paarthurnax what if something goes wrong?"

"Wrong?" Paarthurnax retort's

"When I joined the dawngaurd we found two more elder scrolls, one's talking about the the sun, a prophecy, and auriel's bow...we ended up track in down a moth priest and he read the scroll but he ended up going blind , and like that's a normal for moth priests but that tends to happen years after studying the scrolls, now yes It's completely possible nothing went wrong...but what if it did? Could I really fight Aludin like that?"

"Krosis , for that I do not know, it's mearly up to fate on that part!" Paarthurnax said.

Sirna nodded and took a breath before opening the scroll and her view becoming blurred looking glass like , it worked!.

————————-

In another world-

Standing at the summet upon mount cornet, in the innermost chamber of the Temple of sinnoh, the marble floor shadowed. By giratina it stood before him it's regal presents dining the atmosphere as it stood, Volo breathed shakily his plan finally coming into Floracion, his smile twisting as he spoke. "Giratina scrach it, tear a hole in space and time , rip open and call out Arceus! Tear your fangs in defiance!!" He yelled as giratina Obliged and reared back looking up at the sky and using it black winged claws it grew in size as the world distorted and everything turned dark time and space started to rip it ripped and tore, the sound barrier broke causing a long loud pop, heard from across galaxies...even in Nirn it echoed though time and the rift ripped open it was huge and world was like puddy under Volos feet he stood there in anticipation, he waited and waiting, waiting and waiting, but nothing happened Arceus didn't show but what did happen was fascinating none the less, there was a cry , one Volo never herd before it wasn't a cry but it wasn't words eather , it was as if time itself spoke , the rift shrunk a little and the world returned to the relitive norm , but not before showing the light of a scroll.

————

Skyrim began to fade , Sirna learned dragonrend she had to face Aludin, she was ready.....but it never came , a loud pop sounded as time and space was ripped out the sound was behind yet in frount but also inside her very being , a loud pop , the scroll began to glow as a gush of wind rushed past in all directions, and light faded it all went black , out of reaction to the disturbance within time the scroll did what it could to protect itself send it though time. In instance the Dragonborn suffered a fate similar to that of Aludin did at the hands of her predecessors as a dovahkin

Transported though space and time.

(This part is supposed to be trippy)

23rd of Moo- 23? 8? 29? What time is it? What ... we're where is here?

Suspended in space

Is this....is this death?

Am

I

In

The

Void?

Oblivion?

No it's quite peaceful actually

Huh? What's that light?

A light???

Auriel??

Akatosh???

Gods.....what's happening?

"I am familiar With those names...."

Huh?

"My child,....."

Auriel?

"They call me Arceus....Auriel...that name is foreign to me my child....you are far from home.."

Home?

Am I dead?......

"No my child...no your are very much alive....your predicament is quite bizarre tho...."

Can you send me back ?

"Yes i can...but I require your service first"

......

Oh

Alright what do you need Arceus

"I can't send you back to your world I don't have domain there, I will have to make contact with them first...I can't create contact with your Devines,with the state of my world..."

Your world?

"My world "

Are you a god?

"Some would say that yes, but my world is in danger and I can not intervene...."

You want me to solve then

.......

I know that's how it always is

Isn't it?

"Yes.....now I will send you to my world....it will strange to you but I'm sure you can make it....seek out all Pokémon to help you...."

Pok- e mon?

What is that?

Why am I sleepy

I-

Arceus?

"OH MY GOD ARE YOU OK?!???" ??????

"Oh dear there out cold!" ?????

"They fell right out of the rift Professor I saw it! "

'This is one strange dream...'-Sirna

[paigelts05]

FNAF Renegade AU designs: RD robotics

https://www.deviantart.com/paigelts05/art/FNAF-Renegade-AU-designs-RD-robotics-864598021

Published: Dec 20, 2020

So, I designed some of the charaters from the FNAF AR emails a while ago, but I missed a bunch that seemed like they weren't from the same company. Looks like it's design time. For Nora and Tristan, I knew what I wanted: angry tiny woman shin breaker and tall lanky string bean who wants the earth to swallow him whole. I had to rush Tristan's colour scheme, and yes I've been working on this since a bit before October, so made him Daniel Rocha's brother and worked his colour palette from there. As for Nora, well, as of October 7th, I decided the hair colour to be green. She's the green one of this bunch. Izzy was a bit harder to design, but I settled on a kind and soft woman. Charles was a pain in the neck, and it took me ages to figure out a hair style, but I had his motives set down to a T- that being someone whose just there to make money because he's broke af and bearly scraping by, and animatronics was where the money was at - from the get go. As for colours, I already kind of knew what Izzy was going to be from the get go, but Charles? No clue. I eventually managed to figure something out though. °•:*:•°•:*:•°•:*:•=°•.🌹.•°=•:*:•°•:*:•°•:*:•° This group makes up R&D robotics. They work closer with Fazbear Entertainment, recreating the machines from the 80's and 90's and bringing them to life in the modern world. When they took the contract, they weren't initially aware of the danger they were in. As it's a small company, no-ones role - aside from Charles's - is usually set in stone, so one day, someone could be the whole compliance team, and the next, they're on circuit board installation duty, teh next, who knows. On the plus side, they've all become firm friends. Sometimes, emails aimed at Fazbear Entertainment's research and development divison mistakenly make their way to them, but they're still expected to handle it. Tristan: He's the backbone of this place. Whilst he usually works with Nora, making the animatronics, he's the guy who goes around making sure everyone takes breaks and doesn't do anything stupid - likely because he suffers from having so much empathy that second hand embarrassment could easily be the death of him. He's self-conscious about his height, and really dislikes the fact he has an inignorable presence. Whilst making machines is his main job, he also distributes notifications within the firm and sometimes to other firms that they're working alongside if applicable if Izzy is busy. Nora: She only looks short because she's always compared to Tristan. This results in people low-balling her age by between fifteen.and twenty years, dispite standing at five foot seven and a half inches; eye to eye with many normal people. Being 32, she finds this low-balling of her age very insulting, especially since she's Tristan's senior by three years. Likely because of this, she's a seething ball of rage who acts fast no matter how loud the result would be. When she's not angry, it's hard to tell, as she's loud anyway, but those who know her can tell. Also, she works on building animatronics, rotating between casing construction, endo skeleton creation, and other tasks as needed. Charles: The owner of R&D robotics. Handles the business and finance side. He may seem cold, but he's just always exhausted from putting 120% into his job to try and make ends meet - not just for himself, but for his workers too. He sometimes ignores his gut instincts if doing so would help him make ends meet. He frequently gets reminded by Tristan to take a break and that what he does for everyone is appreciated. Charles, in return, reminds Tristan that he needs to take a break too. Izzy: She is a gentle soul. Izzy mainly deals with correspondence and customers. She's usually the first to know everything, but as she's always busy with another customer, she usually relays what she needs to tell everyone to Tristan in order for him to tell everyone. Whilst correspondence is her main job, she usually winds up helping out Nora and Tristan if the emails stop flooding in. °•:*:•°•:*:•°•:*:•=°•.🌹.•°=•:*:•°•:*:•°•:*:•°

[ninwes]

Update 03/01/2024

So it has been awhile now and the reason for that is, i have been bussy with life and work but i dindn't to forget to still upload some Stalker videos for you all to enjoy. What did i completed in these 2 months of update.

Completed

My Time At Portia

I had alot of fun with this game also spend allot of hours on it, i think it really surprised me at the end. Start a new life in the enchanting town of Portia! Restore your Pa's neglected workshop to its former glory, grow crops, raise animals, befriend the towns quirky inhabitants and uncover the mysteries this charming post-apocalyptic land has forgotten! So go out and make a name for yourself, date, make friends or even marry.

The Dark Pictures: Little Hope

A game with intrigue where any decision you make is final and depending on what you do how many wil survive at the end. Abandoned and all alone, 4 college students and their teacher become stranded in an isolated town miles from anywhere after their bus crashes in bad weather. Trapped by a mysterious fog in the town of Little Hope, they search desperately for a means of escape whilst visions from the past haunt them from the shadows.

Lego Marvel's Avengers

It's lego what more can i say ;) Anyway the game really captivate the movies and even some of the heroes own movies in a really funny way.

Tales For the Borderlands

Another Telltales game that is enjoyable in the world of the borderlands. Getting downgraded from hyperion you try one big score and from that moment everything goes wrong but as any telltales game your decisions mather what happens.

Monster's Den: Book Of Dread

Just a short game that i once bought. You have to make your way trough different stage to get the the last boss, it is enjoyable for getting out of the big games but sometmes still hard.

Tsioque

A dark but playful Point & Click adventure. You have to escape the clutches of an Evil Wizard and discover the secrets hidden within the spellbound castle of your ancestors. We take the role of princess Tsioque, imprisoned in a castle overtaken by the Evil Wizard.

Garshasp: The Monster Slayer

A game i had in my backlog it is not actually bad if you get used to the controls, at times it is a hard game. Years after the confinement of Azhi Dahaka by Fereydun, the evil Deevs (Monsters) who were the commanders in the army of darkness led by Azhi Dahaka rose again in different parts of the ancient lands of Khunirath and rebelled against the humans who were celebrating the victory of the army of light. This game is based on ancient Persian mythology bringing to life the epic battles of the mythological hero, Garshasp, in the ancient lands against the evil monsters. You play as Garshasp himself, the strongest man in Persian Mythology, in a journey to revenge and reclaim the legendary mace of his ancestors which is stolen by the Deevs. A journey which proves to unlock more significant hidden mysteries. The main mechanics of the game revolve around melee combat, platforming and exploration.

Wolfenstein: Old Blood

This game is a prequel to the first game. You play the same person where you find out what set him on the path to the first game and meet some people that where in teh game itself.

Chicken Police

Also a game i thought i wouldn't like but you do get in the game the moment your playing it. The game it self is A wild tale of love, death, chickens, and redemption! Chicken Police is a buddy-cop noir adventure, with a carefully crafted world, a gritty story, and lots of absurd humor. The game mixes elements of classic adventure games with visual novel-style storytelling.

New:

Planet Explorers

Unpacking

The Legend of Tianding

Souldiers

SCP: Secret Files

Friends Vs Friends

Prodeus

Hardspace: Shipbreaker

King's Bounty II

Iratus: Lord Of The Dead

Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm

Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm Revolution

Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm 2

Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm 3 Full Burst

Sword Art online: Lost Song

The Pale Beyond

The Gunk

Nobody Saves The World

Midnight Fight Express

Last Call BBS

From Space

Expeditions: Rome

Elex II

Doom

Funtasia

Godstrike

Anuchard

Blood And Zombies

Time On Frog Island

Lost In Random

Mortal Shell

Neon Blight

Karma City Police

Ruin Raiders

Wounded - The Beginning

Dark Deity

Monster Harvest

Hunting Simulator 2

Empire Of Ember

To The Rescue

The Sinking City

Code of Princess EX

Werewolf: The Apocalypse - Earthblood

Accel World Vs. Sword Art Online

Out of Reach

Crysis Remastered

Conclusion:

As you noticed i did the 2 months update as i didn't do the one last month. So in the months i played Wolfenstein is my favorite just because when you play it i didn't feel i want to stop and you just try the slow apraoch and Monster's den my least favorite just wel there was not much to it, it was just a inbetween game. Also over the 2 months i got offcourse my choice games but there where also some nice bundles for sale. So i continue the Let's Play of stalker and see you guys on the next update.

[lonelight]

lucas really had no backstory huh

[watchinglikeafangirl]

I told sunset about you rewatch - Episode 1

What new did you discover?

The first thing we discover about Teh is not his face, it's him being the winner of some chinese opera contest and more importantly his reason why he's pursuing this exact career. I quote "wish to be a main character to show my friend that I can do it." This can be understood as either meant for his best and closest friend or some nostalgia. The second the jury says "what would you say to him right now" Teh's face changes and his gaze is filled with regret. It's amazing how they establish the backstory of Teh and some friend he had a fallout with so quickly. It's basically the first thing we know about him because Oh defines him.

Later when Teh calls his mother and sees Oh-aew walk to the exit of the same building, we as the audience don't know who he is. I didn't even know who to focus on because there are many people in one frame. But still, the idea of an ex best friend is more concrete now.

I noticed the OST played various times in the beginning because this chinese show is the reason for Teh to become an actor. He sings in the costume of the main character of that show and when he leaves to home, he listens to it again. The soundtrack reappears when the flashbacks start. The show influences Teh not just today but also back then and it's what brought him and Oh together, and it's what parts them.

Oh-aew doesn't talk most of the time. We don't hear his voice until they hang out in this restaurant. Their rivalry but sadness over the past is cleary seen through their facial expressions and behaviour when they're around each other. The others are just tense and walk on tip toes around them whilst Oh is annoyed by Teh staring at him all the time. I guess Teh just wants to figure out if Oh feels as aweful as he does. Because of the flashbacks we know their ways parted in a fight and it's really symbolic that the first time they talk and the first time they "hang out" together, they fight again. They need a second try which then ends in an apology but all that stuff that's been unsaid for so many years needs to be said. Since they didn't talk because they didn't have a reason to, it fits that the first time they talk, it's a mess and it shows the audience how deeply they hurt each other by ending their friendship thus we get to hear Oh-aew talk for the first time when he's shouting at Teh. It shows the pain.

What still surprises you?

I'm still very amazed by the technique to start with the audition but keeping the end as a secret until the end of this episode because only then we can totally understand why Teh said what he said. "How is your exam going. We haven't talked in a while. If I could choose, I wouldn't want it to be this way. I hope you get in. Good luck." Tears stream down his face and he's filled with regret. Just like the scene when Oh-aew discovers he didn't get in. Oh is devastated and disappointed and Teh is there. But Oh runs away, shouts at him in tears and it makes Teh cry as well because he doesn't want them to be so distant. There's a distance between them and Teh caused it all those years ago. It's regret.

That's why the scene at the beach still has so much meaning. Bringing Oh-aew's bags back seems like a peace offering and when Teh starts crying and apologizes, Oh gets what he's apologizing for. It's regret all over the place and the acting is still incredible.

The coconut scent and taste are established as well. Teh has to drink it because it brings luck but he hates it, makes a face because of it. We all know, later he will love it but I didn't know it was already mentioned in the first episode. Everything is mentioned and comes naturally, so amazing.

It's no secret "I told sunset about you" works a lot with colours an their meaning. But one scene explicitly shows how detailed this show is. After Teh insulted Oh, Oh storms outside, is sad and angry and Bas tells him to calm down. It might be just me but I believe it's on purpose but the trafic light reflecting on Oh-aew's face changes its color and it mirrors him calming down. First, it's red and Oh is angry. Red symbolizes anger, as we all know. Then, it switches to green. Green isn't necessarily a warm color but still, he's much more close to earth now. I think it has meaning.

I'm still surprised by the way Teh and Oh are presented as one and the same person. "We even did the same when we were bored." I think it's because Teh wants them to be alike, a unity. Best friends aren't the same but it seems like it here. They have the same dream and hobbies and just share everything. It's established pretty quickly that Teh thinks they are the same but later he learns they are not. It's all stated in the first half of this episode. The audience can easily follow because they know so soon what the main conflict will be.

5 acts of a drama - first part: the introduction and inciting incient

"I told sunset about you" has five episodes and I think they mirror this model of Freytag. This first episode would be the introduction. We are introduced to Teh looking like an ambitious theatre kid because he showed in this costume. We are introduced to a probably lost friendship. Then the flashbacks start, explaining and showing the beginning and end of Teh and Oh-aew's epic friendship. It's the whole backstory that takes up various scenes and a big part in this episode to let them take their time, for us to get their vibe to then understand why their fight was so fatal. Then they see each other again, but are tense. It's an introduction to their conflict. The story goes on with an inciting incident: the scene at the beach. It marks the real beginning of this show. Then their friendship starts again. The whole flashback is no cloud between them any longer and the action can start.

[life-rewritten]

ITSAY EP 4- SELF-SABOTAGE, HINDERANCES, AND REVERSE HELPS

Warning a painful post coming. I cried so much while analysing this. A lot happened on episode 4 of ITSAY, and I've spent days trying to process. First of all, with that episode my weary heart grows hopeful for a happy ending, even if it is bittersweet, I can't see what else they could possibly do after breaking my heart into pieces. So yes I don't see deaths coming, I don't even see running away from feelings coming anymore, I feel like episode 4 fulfilled all the foreshadowing clues left, and there's nothing left now except but to wait and see the results of the exams. To fully understand the episode and relieve that whole heartbreak again, let's analyse the theme this time and this time let's look deeply at Tehs: Self-loss, regression and sabotage because of the overwhelming consequences of feelings. 

THE CONSEQUENCES OF MISTRANSLATION OF THE HEART

For me, this episode was like a cut that refused to heal. It's easy to predict most of the events that occur in this episode: Teh freaking out about his sexuality, trying to distance himself from Oh, Oh getting hurt becoming resentful, Oh becoming even more hurt when Teh finally tries to call what they have off, both become lost and confused and defeated, Teh gives up all he has for Oh, Oh rejects it and they return back to their rivalry/ their relationship regresses.

 Remember in my previous post (here) I said that Episode 1 was going to be mirrored in Episode 5, that there were so many full circle moments they could return to. Well, I think Episode 1 started to be reflected in Episode 4 with our characters: Oh and Teh have repeated a cycle again of resentment, rivalry and regression (will discuss this in my next post). They've returned back to their old state as rivals no longer friends, no longer lovers, no longer intimate. 

And it's not like Teh wanted this to happen. Teh is so lost when he's without Oh, remember he's addicted and obsessed with Oh, Oh is like the only thing that keeps him grounded and not restless. The fear of losing Oh is something that Teh can't control, it causes him to act out, to lose his mind and it causes him to try and try and try every single time to ensure it doesn't happen. But Teh forgot who Oh was, and I also did. We all screamed from the top of our lungs that Teh would give up his place for Oh but we just forgot about a specific part of that equation: Oh's reaction. I thought it'd be easy; Oh will realise too late what had occurred and Teh would have left by then and he'd run to the sunset and keep waiting for Teh, but nooo I forgot about how Resentful, Prideful and Angry Oh gets whenever he gets hurt by Teh  (shown in episode 1). But before we go into Ohs state this episode, Let's look more at Teh in detail, try and understand him more in this episode when looking at our theme.

TEH: Reverse-Help and Self-Hindrance

Again our Chinese translation lessons become a tool for foreshadowing in this episode. From the beginning of the episode as we see Teh create the tutorial guide, and try and tutor Oh, we get foreshadowing titles/translations such as the word for Reverse Help and it's further emphasised with another translation the word for being a hindrance because of trying to help. As Teh goes through his devastating, and uncontrollable self regression, he tries to go into overdrive. First, he tries to keep his promise to the two people he's torn about; 

For Tarn, he tries to retain his position as someone who loves her for 3 years, as someone who still wants what they have, as someone who is still the same .

For Oh he tries to keep the promise he made to him in episode 1 that he'd help him fulfil his dreams by tutoring.  

Tutoring Chinese Translations Whilst Mistranslating Feelings

Tutoring Oh has always been his way of trying to make things make sense, for example when Oh told him he couldn't return back to their closeness as best friends in episode 1, Teh decides to show him that he will keep working on their friendship and proceeds to help him pass the exams by tutoring. Tutoring Oh becomes an excuse for Teh with everything, to get closer to him when he doesn't want to think, to avoid underlying issues whenever things seem hectic, and to spend as much time as he can to be near Oh without having to face the implications of it. Tutoring Oh is to make Oh learn how to translate Chinese so he can pass the exam to get to the University. 

However, tutoring Oh being Teh's priority shows what he truly wants as his goals: to always be near Oh no matter what, to grow with Oh (for both of them to go the University together and fulfil their dreams) and to repay Oh for the time he hurt him when they were kids/enemies (insulting his dreams and making him self doubt). Teh puts the tutoring as a priority because he puts Oh as his number one, Ohs dreams are important to him, and that's all that matters even if things feel too much to handle. This is already why you see what happens to Teh during this episode, he starts to hyperfocus on that priority as he tries to avoid and avoid what is truly going and instead of helping all he does is make it worse: 

Here are instances in episode 4 where Teh's over helping does nothing but make things worse for him and for the people he cares about; 

TEHS REVERSE HELP TO OH

As mentioned, we have the tutoring. The whole obsession with Ohs dreams become more of an obstacle to Oh, who feels frustrated at Teh, who isn't understanding how he feels. Teh and Oh crossed the line and become more than friends after episode 3, but Teh tried to run away from Oh and then tried to pretend everything was okay. For Oh, Teh hyperfocused on the tutoring (ironic since again he's focusing only on Oh) but he was breaking and causing him to question everything because of his avoidance of the issue. 

Both Oh and Tarn had no clue where they stood with Teh, and he didn't know how to tell them how he felt, because he himself didn't know. Remember the tutoring is all about translation and as I said before the show is all about the consequences of mistranslating feelings when young. When we are young, we don't understand how strong feelings can be, how painful, how confusing (if its someone you can't be with in your perspective) or how uncontrollable. Like Teh instead of trying to listen to the heart, we revert to logic to try and explain feelings and typically that leaves us with nothing but confusion and exhaustion. The more Teh kept running away and avoiding the subject, the more he was affecting both Oh and Tarn: 

Tarn: Because she needed to study, she made it her priority that her aspirations mattered to her that's why she held of their relationship for 3 years despite liking Teh, her aspirations were more important. But now Teh was making her revert to someone who couldn't stop thinking about their attraction to each other; the more Teh led her on, the more her feelings were becoming a  hindrance to her aspirations( trying to help but being a hindrance). But again Ironic because Teh was trying to help her too, he was trying to 'do right' by her by not changing what they have, he was trying to stay by her side even though he was no longer there in the present for her. 

Oh: Because he was starting to realise that just like Teh everything revolved around him, he was beginning to become hurt, self-hating and resentful towards everyone and Teh. He was beginning to lose the zeal to keep on struggling for his exams (Teh revived his hope thus without Teh everything was beginning to seem useless), and he was starting to feel broken-hearted each time Teh avoided the situation.  Oh was realising his dependency on Teh but it frightened him because it could be gone, it could all go wrong, and Teh still had Tarn.  He was starting to be exhausted with everything because when he tried to keep his promise (to keep them a secret), Teh refused to treat it like that, Teh kept on pulling his hopes up and then destroying them, and he became tired of it. 

: The tutorial guide

This brings us to the tutorial guide. Damn, the way my heart screamed for Teh during this. One because as his mother put it, Teh spent nights, days recreating a tutorial guide with 1000 words for Oh to learn for the exam. By tearing out parts of his own revision guides, he used it to create a version that was understandable/ easy to understand. This is clearly a metaphor for what he was doing again with his over helping by tearing/ giving out parts of himself to create different versions of himself for the people he cared about, so it was easy for them to deal with his change. 

The guide was beautiful; you could see the care, the effort, the time he put into it because Tehs priority as mentioned was Oh, Ohs dream and Oh being near him. The guide represented what Teh was trying to do all episode, to make everything easy, pleasing and understanding for everyone.  Teh went into overdrive with the tutorial guide because it was the only thing he could do to again avoid and run away from what was going on, on the surface. 

Now at first, this tutorial guide seems helpful just like Tehs intentions, and it brings Oh back to him. Oh forgives him and they reunite, even proceeding to continue their relationship like before, talking, returning to their beach and doing what they wanted with each other. Except we see later at the end of the episode, all Tehs hard work was for nothing. Oh was resentful because Teh brought his hopes up once again, but refused to deal with the situation again. The tutorial guide instead of being a helping guide to Oh became a waste, it led to Oh even retreating and avoiding to study for the exam because he was heartbroken. Oh did not use the tutorial guide and did not show up for the exam. 

Meanwhile, Teh realises how much he gave to Oh that was wasted and couldn't be retrieved, for example, he later discovers he has to study for the exam only to see empty tatters of his previous revision guide (himself), he'd given everything to Oh, and it was wasted. 

Tehs acting position

This is why Teh giving up his place for Oh with the application is just so sensitive. It's romantic how much Oh is Teh's priority. From episode 1, we've gotten a repetition that getting past this application was Tehs vision, everything he wanted since he was a child. Again we see the evolution of all this; he spent so many years studying, practising, preparing for his acting dreams. His mum did all she could to show him how proud she was of him, his brother worked hard to save money to provide plane tickets and cash for his university dream. Everyone put effort into helping Teh and pushing Teh to his goal. And it's heartwrenching to see him give it all up. 

Us romanticists squealed and hoped that Oh would understand, that this was the first steps for our two to return back together. There's still the exam, we thought, Teh and Oh will reunite, they'll be together, in University, we'll run to the sunset together and scream after that is done except, instead of Oh to see it as a gift, he calls Teh out, he's insulted, he's annoyed, and he's frustrated. He's not going to accept it, he's going to relinquish it. 

Again all Teh did was a waste. And it's worse because this was the final thing he could give up for Oh to be near him, it was the last thing he could give of himself in an attempt to make things go back to normal, the final thing he could do to have Oh forgive him. And by the end, Teh is truly mentally, psychologically, and physically exhausted and gone. There's no more to give, no more to help, he lost it all, and he still couldn't figure out why. 

In an attempt to help everyone, to revert everything to normal Teh is the person who's the most broken and lost. It's to Oh on the surface with his actions, but  he's also trying to help/ impress everyone else as well:

His family: 

His mum who has made it a thing of how helpful Tehs brother has been in her life. Their father isn't here, and Tehs mum is someone who relies on her sons' dreams and actions to provide a sense of success in her life. For Teh he couldn't live up to his brother, but once he told his mother about his dreams about being an actor she rejoiced and boasted to all her friends about it; she was proud, immensely excited and driven to push him to his dreams. 

So when Teh realises that his mum will also be proud that he had a girlfriend like his brother, another form of success, he regresses back to this thoughts, he still needed Tarn to impress his mother, he was reminded of his previous goals, to impress her and be seen as equal to his brother. So he tries to keep what he and Tarn had as normal to keep making everyone around him 'happy', and 'impressed' except it led to Oh hurt. 

It's like a sad game of choices; if he chooses Oh, everyone else he's trying to impress falls apart; for example, the revelation when he decided to give up on the acting application, it wasn't just him affected, everyone had put their hopes and excitement on it, and he ended up losing their praise and support. 

In fact, he came face to face with the thing he was trying to avoid, his mother proceeds to harshly compare him with his brother (I thought she was so out of line for this) and she finally shows him that all his fears and notions on this were real. His mum had been seeing him as a failure compared to his brother it just sucked. 

If he chose them, he lost Oh again he saw that happen when he tries to revert all he had with Oh back to normal, he broke Ohs self-esteem and made Oh go into self-hate and despair. He, on the other hand, was also just as broken, confused and defeated. 

In the end, the sick game of choices, as he tried to impress everyone Teh became a shell of nothing, no support, no praise, no love (both losing Tarn and Oh) and no aims (losing his path to his dreams and his confidence). 

Self-sabotage, hindrance, and regression

So you see Teh becomes a mess because of his failure to translate his feelings correctly. The obstacles to him being able to do so causes him to try and do so in a logical way; trying to split his self and please everyone. He becomes self-sabotaging, and as Tarn tells him he only ends up hurting himself, losing everything he tried to hold on to, and he also ends up becoming a regressed version of himself with nothing to lean on (in his perspective).

 It hurts because these are the results of Internalised homophobia, the results of a society that has made people like Oh and Teh feel like they have to hide and hate who they are at a young age,  the effects of immaturity and young age; not able to understand or deal with feelings, not being able to know what they mean or able to control how we act when it comes. 

It's all consequences of falling in love so young. And as much as falling in love is worth it when you meet the one, it sucks that some LGBTQ+ have to go through obstacles and hindrances and more pain just to understand or get to the person they are meant to be with. It sucks. Thank you to ITSAY for teaching us all about this, for showing us this, for making us realise all this. 

In a way we all can end up like Teh's cut out revision guide, if we don't have enough self-love, confidence, or trust in our feelings, we can end up tearing parts of our selves, losing our selves, dreams and perceptions because of mistranslating who we are/what we want. Luckily this is all to do with age, it's okay to make mistakes and learn from it, this will now push Teh to understand and accept himself for whatever he is, and what he feels, this will open his eyes to seeing he has people by his side who won't let him fall (Hoon, and hopefully Oh) and this will make him stronger, confident and braver. And finally, hopefully, it will lead him once again to the person he loves, and they'd be able to run to the sunset together and scream that they made it. One can only hope. 

PREVIOUS ANALYSIS: PROMISES, SUNSETS AND MALE PROTAGONISTS

PREVIOUS ANALYSIS; XIN THE FOCUS OF THE HEART

[shinwoonoh]

itsay ep4 spoilers and thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just need to talk about teh ok? and my own experiences about being queer and being asian.

first of all, if you’re reading this and have watched ep 4, are you okay? please go drink some water because i know you cried.

anyway, now that we’re hydrated rofl i just want to talk about teh and how much he means to me and how much of his story hits so close to home. i also want to disclaimer that my thoughts in this post are very much coming from my individual experience growing up in canada, being asian (not thai) and being queer. so if you disagree, that’s okay.

teh’s struggle with coming to terms with his sexuality is more than what i’m actually going to talk about. there’s so much but i’m just going to focus specifically on family, coming out, and the unique cultural differences within that. 

we know teh’s mother loves him. one might even think, yeah, she absolutely would still love him if he told her he was in love with a boy. but teh’s mother is this very familiar, very specific character i see in my own life: the proud asian mother with not one, but two sons!

i also see those little jabs made at teh by his mother: when teh comes back from his audition and the celebration isn’t actually for him, but for hoon. teh telling oh-aew that everything hoon did was always just better in his mother’s eyes until she saw yongjian and thought he could be an actor. hoon bringing home nozomi. and then, the kicker, when teh’s mother, whilst crying and angry, asks why teh can’t be like his brother?

there is absolutely a responsibility that teh knows he has to his mother. to be a good son. and it’s not like his mother doesn’t love him. it’s just that he can’t do that if he doesn’t get into uni or if he’s gay.

so it hurt me so much when tarn said, “you don’t have to apologize to me. you have to apologize to your mae.” and when teh realized what he had done was so so so stupid when his mother had said, “but what if you don’t get in? what then?”

because he fucking tried. in a twisted, convoluted way, he tried to satisfy everything he thought he had to satisfy. he was confident enough that he’d get in through admissions and in turn, would still be his mother’s son who got into uni. so he gave up his spot for oh-aew because he wanted to help oh-aew, loves oh-aew. and maybe, maybe, that way, he could be with him.

so i guess what i’m trying to say is that it’s important to understand that the story itsay is conveying intersects with the cultural experience of being asian and also the expectations one might have in a family such as teh’s. there’s shame in doing things for yourself. it’s an idea that is common within certain asian cultures. it’s why sometimes, when i do things, i know my actions don’t only speak for myself, but also for my family.

i’ve heard my parents say this before: “the way you toh sang think is more individualistic” (translated poorly, toh sang in cantonese means born here. particularly, here as in north america.). and i’ve always never been completely comfortable with the whole sentiment of “be yourself! be who you are! don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!” because how? i just can’t see myself doing that because who i want to be is this mesh of what i’ve been taught to be growing up, what i want to be for my family and who i happen to be. they’re not the same but the same, all at the same time. they exist simultaneously even though, in all practicality, should not exist together. 

in simpler terms: i’m queer but i also know i can’t be if i want to be who i want to be for my family.

this is what i see when i watch teh. a boy who thinks/knows he has a very specific place in this world, who knows he has a family that loves and cherishes him (hoon, the silent understanding brother saving up money for teh’s tuition, his mom fussing over teh, bragging about him to her friends, her gift hung on the wall), and who he doesn’t want to let down. and it’s not as simple as, “if you told them, they’ll still love you.” that’s not enough to convince me to tell them and come out. it’s more than not having their love afterwards. it’s also, how can i be who i am and still claim to love my family? for teh, he’s probably thinking, is he deserving of their love after what he’s done? if they knew who he was? they’ve done so much for him already. who he is will just hurt them.

i think that’s one of the reasons why we see grown ass adult asians, hiring spouses for a day or a trip to see their family. it’s why we don’t marry and it’s why we move away. i want to be who i am, but i don’t want to hurt/disappoint/betray/dishonour my family. 

it’s a sad reality. but it’s one that exists and goes against the western belief that you have the right and the freedom to be who you are. i know i do. i know i have the choice. and it’s great and it’s amazing to see queer characters standing up for who they are, even if it means losing your family or friends who don’t agree and ultimately, “choosing love”. it’s commendable and it’s admirable. it’s what we all wish we could do.

but the sad reality is that, it’s not always the case. is choosing my family not choosing love too? why does it have to be either/or? i don’t have an answer or a good explanation for that. it’s just a thing that i think some of us experience but for which i am eternally grateful to see materialized on screen in itsay. 

anyway, i just want to say thank you to billkin for absolutely killing me in the last act of the episode. the way he cried... it hurt. 

[gaykey]

i thought nothing could hurt me the way ep4 of itsay hurt me but then ep4 of ipytm happened. The fact that oh aew even tried to get past the kiss and the things he read on the log diary... how he kept following teh’s gaze when he was always looking for jai... when he hit teh with the fucking bouquet!!!!!!!!! He was so devastated and so was i, honestly. It was humiliating to witness, painful to watch, how teh acted like he wasn’t even there, too wrapped up in his own infatuation with jai to care about anything else around him. I honestly have 0% simpathy for teh, he deserved jai’s reality check and to feel like a miserable shit for what he did to oh aew. The fact he’s so quick to move on and accept his management suggestion to delete his coupley photos is just the proof he’s an immature self centered asshole who has no business being in a relationship with someone as committed as Oh Aew. Now i just hope Oh Aew finds someone better (Q? Bas?) and rubs it in his stupid face 😤 fuck im mad mad 😭

itsay anon, i was waiting for you to watch this week's ep!

yeah, 100% same for me.

during the karaoke scene, i literally had to cover my eyes, because it hurt so much. the audacity of teh! humiliating oh aew right there, in front of everyone. BLATANTLY gazing at another man, that's his bf caught him kissing, whilst he's singing a love song, with his boyfriend.

like oh aew said, does he think he's stupid? that he won't notice what's happening? and this was after oh aew forgave him for the kiss (after jai, the absolute arsehole, tried to gaslight oh aew and be like 'it was just workshop' i mean, it was, at we later found out, because jai's a manipulative prick, but, he knew what teh thought it was!)

my phone keeps autocorrecting 'jai' to 'jail' and it's so right for that.

but god, the way the sound cut, and camera turned to oh aew's crying face, oh man.

and then, the break up scene.

we knew it was coming, but, i still was not prepared for the hurt.

i do feel a bit sorry for teh, i can't help it, especially with the way he was crying and clinging to oh aew, but he's just, so STUPID.

and he knew it too after, when he was talking to his roommate, and realised that oh aew, was not only his partner, but literally the best friend he's ever had. and now he's fucked it.

i want oh aew to find someone else, and i love Q, but i love the sweet friendship dynamic of the group more, so i'm prefer if they kept their platonic relationship.

god, that scene where they're all cuddling oh made me tear up. one of the best queer friend groups i've ever seen portrayed in a show tbh

and though i'd love to see bas return, i want oh aew to find someone entirely new. i want him to be spoiled and shown that he is more than worthy iof being loved. shown that he's hot, and sweet, and devoted and kind-

basically i want him to have his pick of hot guys lmao

once again, teh is stupid.

he's just gonna go along whatever these management people tell him because he's selfish, and so fixated on his dream if being an actor.

i fear shit will hit the fan for him even more.

at this point, i wouldn't even mind if they didn't even get back together.

it would be a way more impactful ending i think.

people grow and mature, and drift apart. things change. people change. sometimes relationships don't work out, even if you do love each other. life gets in the way. right person, wrong time. that kind of thing.

this show man.......

[thewatsonbeekeepers]

Chapter 12: Three Men in a Boat [TFP 2/3]

[This was completely missing from my tumblr, via every search function and everything! So I’ve reuploaded - thanks anon for letting me know!!]

This section of the meta is going to deal with the events at Sherrinford – I’ve broken TFP up into three sections to try and get the most out of it. This isn’t just a read through like the first part of the meta, it has a specific structure, much like Eurus’s trials for the boys, so it’s really important to take this bit in one chapter. My hypothesis is thus – that each episode of s4 has been a different obstacle to be broken through in Sherlock’s mind, and that each of them is represented by one of the different Sherrinford tasks. It’s essentially an illumination of Sherlock’s progress through his mind – but it’s set up by Eurus, who is Sherlock’s mental barrier, so these are going to represent Sherlock’s darkest fears about each of the obstacles. Ready? Let’s go.

We take up the episode at the pirate hijacking, which is quite BAMF, but also illuminates a couple of things that we should bear in mind going into this episode. The first is that the transition from a blown up Baker Street to Sherlock and John hijacking a boat without a scratch on them is absolutely bizarre and leaves SO many questions – it’s dream-jumping of the most obvious kind. The second is that water has played a long role as a metaphor through the show, particularly in the EMP sequence, and it’s climaxing now – we are in the deepest waters of Sherlock’s mind.

Mycroft and John working together in the disguise sequence is metaphorically lovely – in the Oscar Wilde scene of the last part we saw Sherlock’s brain and heart finally coming together, and here for the first time they’re working together to give Sherlock the ability to go and confront Eurus. This is what makes Mycroft’s line so powerful. He says:

Say thank you to Doctor Watson. […] He talked me out of Lady Bracknell – this could have been very different.

Comic throwaway? Maybe. But given what we know about Lady Bracknell from the first part, this also has a more powerful meaning – heart!John finally stopped brain!Mycroft from being an obstructive force in Sherlock’s psyche, and they started working together instead to save him. This could have been very different is far more loaded than it sounds. All this whilst creating an image of Mark Gatiss as a Victorian aunt – wonderful.

When we first meet Eurus proper, her similarity to Sherlock is striking. She plays the violin – this isn’t a Holmes thing, because Mycroft doesn’t – it’s Sherlock’s motif throughout. Her hair is like a feminine Sherlock, her pallor and cheekbones match Cumberbatch. For reference, this is a picture of Sian Brooke and Benedict Cumberbatch together in real life.

I’ve done a section on why I think Eurus is the most repressed part of Sherlock’s psyche, and his traumatic barrier to love and life – I sometimes glibly refer to this as gay trauma, but that’s its essence. The similarity between Brooke and Cumberbatch in this scene is really compelling, looking the same but lit and dressed in opposite colours. Similarity and difference both highlighted. Even nicer, the white of Sherlock’s shirt is the same notable brightness as Eurus’s uniform, but it’s hidden under his jacket – a visual metaphor for her being hidden inside him.

Eurus gives Sherlock a Stradivarius as a gift. This should set alarm bells ringing for anybody who has seen TPLoSH. If you haven’t seen The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, please do so immediately because my God you are missing out, but TLDR – a Russian ballerina offers Holmes a Stradivarius to have sex with her so she can have a brainy child, and he declines because he’s gay. (This is not just my interpretation, this is genuinely what happens, just to be clear.) Eurus giving Sherlock a Stradivarius is a deliberate callback to the film which Mofftiss cite as their biggest inspiration; just like the ballerina tempted Holmes to feign heterosexuality, so does Eurus – and both make clear that it’s not without its rewards, which is unfortunately true for real life as well. This moment in Sherlock’s psyche also recalls the desperate unrequitedness of Holmes’s love for Watson in TPLoSH, a reference to our Sherlock’s deepest fear at the moment – he has realised his importance but not John’s romantic/sexual love for him, as we’ll see. So here, trauma!Eurus isn’t just referencing closetedness, but is actively drawing on a history of character repression with which to torment Sherlock – metafictionality at its finest.

The Stradivarius is specifically associated with closetedness, but violins more generally in the show are used to show expressions of love that can’t be voiced out loud – think of John and Mary’s wedding, or the desperate bowing of ASiB. So Eurus, gay trauma that she is, telling Sherlock that she taught him to play is a moment of distinct pain – she is the reason he can’t speak his love aloud, but instead has to speak in signs.

When Sherlock plays ‘him’, rather than Bach, to Eurus (he has a big Bach thing with Moriarty in s2, take from that what you will because I don’t know!), he’s playing Irene Adler’s theme. As a fandom, we’ve generally agreed on associating Irene’s theme with sexual love, which ties in nicely with Eurus’s question – has Sherlock had sex? It’s unanswered. At the end of ASiB, Irene calls Sherlock the virgin, suggesting that he hasn’t.

My favourite moment in s4 without a doubt is Jim dancing to I Want To Break Free. I know it’s the most boring thing to say, but my two greatest loves are Andrew Scott and Freddie Mercury, so it was like Christmas. Here it is also Christmas, but there are two possible timelines. I hypothesise that this refers to Christmas 2010, but it’s absolutely conceivable that it could be Christmas 2009. If we acknowledge that Sherlock is in a coma in 2014, then five years ago is Christmas 2009; however, given that we’ve jumped to 2015 in dream time, I’m going to make the guess that Jim’s visit to Sherrinford is supposed to take place in 2010. This ties up with the idea that this is when Moriarty first started taking an interest in Sherlock, who had never heard of him before ASiP, particularly as this is all in the EMP.

I firmly believe that Jim represents the fear that John is in danger – I highlight this in the chapter on HLV, where you’ll recall we first encounter Jim in the EMP and he sends Sherlock on his journey through the EMP with the words John Watson is definitely in danger – a pretty big sign. Even without this, though, his biggest threat to Sherlock has always been hurting John, whether in TRF or with the idea of burning the heart out of him with Semtex. It’s not unreasonable then to assume that MP!Jim first getting inside Sherlock’s subconscious to represent this fear happens in 2010, when he first meets John. He slips in and stays there, and he melds with Eurus. We see this in the powerful visual of the two of them dancing in front of the glass as Jim’s image slowly becomes Eurus’s reflection – the fear of John dying embeds itself into the gay trauma that Sherlock has stored up, even without him realising it. This ties in nicely with the choice of I Want to Break Free, which is famous for its use of drag in the music video – Jim melding into Eurus is the dark side of queer genderbending that we hate to see. It’s also a pretty fitting song name for an intensifying of repressed gay trauma, even without the association with queer king Mercury.

[A side note to all of this – there were wonderful TEH metas about trains in tunnels being sexual, which isn’t just a tjlc thing but is a well-established idea in cinema – Moriarty’s consistent train noises here seem like a horrifyingly inverted version of that sexual longing.]

Task 1 – The Six Thatchers

The governor is set up as a mirror for John in this task, which provides some helpful context for the episode as a whole. Heart!John makes this comparison himself, by drawing out the similarity between the situation with the governor’s wife and his with Mary, though in this case the governor does kill himself because of his wife – or so it seems. The suicidal instinct matches with everything we’ve learned about John in s4, but I want to hypothesise, perhaps tenuously, that he’s more connected with Eurus than we might think. We know that Eurus has had control of the governor for quite some time, and one of the things we hear her saying to the governor in the background of the interrogations is that he shouldn’t trust his wife. This is an odd thing to pepper into the background when he’s about to commit suicide for her, and perhaps suggests that he’s more of Eurus’s pawn than he lets on, though I grant this may be spurious.

The idea that he distrusts his wife because of Eurus is important, however, because we’ve already seen John engage with Eurus in various forms, but this seems like an extension of E; Eurus, aka Sherlock’s hidden self, has been making John doubt Mary, even before she shoots Sherlock. John cannot know she’s a spy at this point, so it’s unlikely he’s doubting her goodwill; he’s simply doubting her.

Before we look at how the actual task impacts the governor and how that illustrates what’s really going on in TST, it’s worth pointing out that it is the governor’s engagement with Eurus which prompts the entire shutdown of Sherrinford and forces Sherlock (with brain!Mycroft and heart!John ever at his side, of course) to engage once and for all with Eurus. This points to everything that s4 has been telling us – that Sherlock’s understanding of the relationship between him and John, including his power to save him (we’re going to see the governor play the foil here) is what sends his brain into stay-alive-overdrive. Sherrinford is the peak of this.

Summary of the task, for those who hate TFP: Sherlock is given a gun and told he can pick either John or Mycroft to kill the governor, otherwise the governor’s wife will be killed by Eurus. As I’ve written about in its chapters, TST is about Sherlock trying to get to the bottom of Mary and why she tried to kill him – and, of course, the impact this will have on John. In brief, by displacing the shot onto Mary in his mind, he’s discounting his own importance and instead thinking about what it will mean for John to lose Mary. His greatest fear is that losing Mary will break John, and it isn’t until the end of TLD that he recognises that the return of John’s suicidal ideation isn’t over Mary, but over him. TFP presents the horror version, the version of TST that Sherlock’s trauma wants him to believe but which he has to overcome. In this case, Mycroft and John resolve to keep the governor alive in their passivity, but that passivity – Sherlock’s coma – is not enough to keep the governor from killing himself over Mary. This is the most feared outcome from Mary’s death that Sherlock can think of – his fear of losing John combined with John’s love of Mary, which in TST Sherlock is still taking as read.

Double naming in this show should never be neglected, and in this case we learn shortly before the governor dies that his name is David. Again, the dramatic manner in which we learn this (on the moment of execution) draws our attention to it – we know another David in this show.

Yup – Mary's ex who’s still in love with her from TSoT. So even though Sherlock is experiencing the panic of John killing himself for loss of Mary, his subconscious is still pointing out to him that that’s not what’s happening here. This mirror version of John that he has set up, who is broken by the loss of Mary as Sherlock fears in TST, is actually the other man in Mary’s life – even with Eurus forcing the worst possible scenario onto him, this still can’t quite fit John’s character. And so we move onto the second task.

Task 2 – The Lying Detective

This section of the Sherrinford saga is the three Garridebs, the closest thing that the fandom has ever got to a collective trauma. I do think, however, that it’s fully reclaimable for tjlc and means the same as we always wanted it to; I also think that it’s possibly the most gutting part of Eurus’s metatfictional power play.

If you haven’t read The Adventure of the Three Garridebs, it’s quite short and the most johnlocky of the Holmes canon, so I’d thoroughly recommend. For the purposes of mapping bbc!verse onto acd!verse, however, here’s the incredibly short version. A man called Evans wants to burgle Nathan Garrideb, so he calls himself John Garrideb and writes an advertisement from a man called Alexander Hamilton Garrideb (make of that what you will, hamilstans) declaring that he wants to bequeath his fortune to three Garridebs. “John” gets someone to pretend to be a Howard Garrideb to get Nathan out of the house to meet him – he comes to burgle the house but Holmes and Watson are lying in wait. He shoots Watson, and Holmes thinks Watson is seriously injured and so we have this wonderful section:

“You’re not hurt, Watson? For God’s sake, say you are not hurt!”

It was worth a wound–it was worth many wounds–to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation.

“It’s nothing, Holmes. It’s a mere scratch.”

He had ripped up my trousers with his pocket-knife.

“You are right,” he cried with an immense sigh of relief. “It is quite superficial.” His face set like flint as he glared at our prisoner, who was sitting up with a dazed face. “By the Lord, it is as well for you. If you had killed Watson, you would not have got out of this room alive. Now, sir, what have you to say for yourself?”

Mofftiss have referenced this moment as being the greatest in the Holmes canon for them, the moment when we see the depth of Holmes’s affection for Watson, and so it seems odd to waste it on such a tiny moment in TFP. Many fans, myself included, were really upset to see Eurus drop all three Garridebs into the sea, the implication being that tjlc would never be real, and it was that moment that caused many (including me) to walk away. I came back, obviously, but I completely understand why you wouldn’t. However, I want to map one Garridebs story onto the other to show how they might match up.

The Garridebs that Eurus presents us with are not the three Garridebs from the story. In the story, there are three physically present Garridebs – Nathan, John and Howard – although admittedly only Nathan is an actual Garrideb. Alexander was completely invented by John and existed only in a newspaper advertisement. Evans, alias John Garrideb, is the criminal in the Garridebs story; Alexander is an invention.

So – what happens if we substitute John for Alex in bbc!verse, as in canon they are the same person? This is interesting, because double-naming means that John becomes the killer. Whilst it’s true that John Garrideb is known as Killer Evans for his murder of a counterfeiter back in America, in canon he is done for attempted murder – of John Watson, of course. Here we have a situation where a John is set up killing John. This is exacerbated by the victim in bbc!verse being called Evans; Roger Prescott, the counterfeiter, would have been a much more canonical nod to the books, so we can assume that the choice of Evans is therefore significant. It should be noted that Evans and John/Alex Garrideb are the same person in acd!canon - so killing Evans is a representation of suicide. But, in case we weren’t there yet, the reason that Evans took the name ‘John’ is acd!canon is very likely to be because Evan is Welsh for John – so whatever way you look at this situation, you have Sherlock deducing John killing John.

This is, of course, exactly what Sherlock deduces at the end of TLD, far too slow, when we see Eurus shoot John in an exact mirror of the shot from TST – I explained in a previous chapter why this means that John is suicidal without Sherlock. However, much like the passivity of Sherlock, John and Mycroft in the first task, here we see that Sherlock’s act of deduction is good, but can’t actually save anyone; Eurus kills off our Garridebs moment as Sherlock is left to watch, and it’s notable that heart!John is the most distressed about this. Remember, in the first task Eurus left Sherlock with an image of a John who was suicidally devoted to Mary, and although the Garridebs moment is one which metafictionally highlights the relationship between Sherlock and John, she’s still presenting him with a Garridebs moment in which he is fundamentally unable to save John. This is a direct result of the Redbeard trauma that Sherlock has experienced – helplessness is key to that, and this is what Eurus has come to represent in his psyche. But – Eurus isn’t real, Eurus is testing Sherlock, trauma trying to bring him down, and Sherlock’s job in TFP is to break through the walls that his consciousness has set up for him.

The power in Sherlock saying I condemn Alex Garrideb is heartbreaking, then, because it is Sherlock recognising that he is the reason that John is going to die. Eurus is there to make him confront that reality, which she explicitly makes him do. We get the split-second moment where he thinks he’s saved Alex, and then he’s plunged into the sea – but remember, this is Eurus taunting Sherlock, presenting him with worst-possible-scenarios. TFP is set up as a game for a reason – it is a series of hypotheses cast in Sherlock’s mind by his trauma that he has to break through one by one. Remember, although she’s ostensibly trying to hurt Sherlock, Eurus’s ‘extra’ murders in the first two tasks are aimed at hurting John, which wouldn’t make sense if he weren’t the mp version of Sherlock’s heart.

Task 3 – The Final Problem

Pretty much straight after this episode aired, people were pointing out that Molly is a clear John mirror and that pretty much all of the deductions Sherlock makes here could be about John. Again, we’re seeing Sherlock’s emotions being resolved in a heterosexual context – the presence of Eurus means that he’s unable to process them in their real, queer form. However, if we take Molly to be a stand-in for John in this scene, it may tell us what TFP is about – and the scenario that Eurus presents will be the worst one, the thing that is causing Sherlock the most pain.

TLD/the previous task have shown us that John is in imminent danger, so the transition to Molly Hooper’s flat being rigged with bombs is not a difficult one; we must assume this to be the suicidal ideation that we’ve just deduced. The time limit suggests that Sherlock is running out of time to save him (fucking right he fell into a coma SIX YEARS AGO). Putting Molly in a bad mood isn’t really necessary for this scene – they make her seem a lot more depressed than she would necessarily need to be, and they emphasise her aloneness and her ability to push people away, which isn’t something we know Molly to do. These traits are all much more important in the context of a suicidal John – they paint a much clearer picture of someone who is depressed and alone than we really need for this scene, where it’s not relevant to the surface plot.

Sherlock and the audience believe he has won this task, but of course he hasn’t - there were never any explosives rigged up in Molly’s flat, and it was a ruse to destroy his relationship with Molly. This is what he fears then – what if he’s wrong? What if coming back to life because he loves John won’t save him – it will destroy him and their relationship? The problem to be wrestled with is how to save John – according to the symmetry of these tasks, that is the final problem. We know that the scenario Eurus has presented isn’t real, but Sherlock doesn’t; he is being held up by his inability to cope with interpersonal relationships, and to get to the bottom of that we’re going to need to understand what he’s been repressing – part 3 of this meta.

There’s a wonderful shot just as Sherlock is destroying Molly’s coffin which zooms up and out through a ceiling window, all the way above Sherrinford, as though to emphasise not how remote Sherrinford is but just how deep inside it Sherlock is. Given what we know about the height metaphor as well as the water metaphor, this shot is a pretty clear way of telling us – this is as deep inside Sherlock’s mind as we go, this is the nub. But Sherlock smashing up the coffin has another powerful connotation – he's refusing death. In terms of metaphor, he’s refusing John’s death – there will be no small coffin, because he will not let it happen – but the visual of him smashing the coffin also suggests that he is rejecting his own death. The two are, of course, inextricably linked. Our boys’ lives are tied together.

Epilogue: The Hunger Games

I can’t watch this without thinking of The Hunger Games, I just can’t! But regardless of how much Sherlock seems like Katniss in this section, let’s press on. I don’t count this as one of the typical tasks, because this isn’t Eurus presenting a ‘haha I tricked you scenario’ - far from it. This is Sherlock’s way into unlocking his repression. The key takeaway from this scene, as we’ll see is that trauma has hurt Sherlock, and it’s going to try pretty hard here to mutilate him – but it can’t kill him.

We get a great line from Sherlock at the beginning of this, where he tells John that the way Eurus is treating him isn’t torture, it’s vivisection. Because it’s an experiment? Perhaps. But the more logical way to phrase this would be that it isn’t vivisection, it’s torture. Torture is much more emotionally charged than vivisection as a phrase – from a writer’s perspective, this phrasing is strange because it seems to negate rather than intensify the pain our characters are undergoing. Why, then, would vivisection be more important than torture? Well, put simply, vivisection is the act of cutting someone open and seeing what’s inside – and that’s what we’re doing. This isn’t just an analogy for experimenting on people, it’s an analogy for going literally inside somebody. In EMP world, then, these words are well chosen.

Sherlock is offered the choice – John or Mycroft? Heart or brain? We might initially think that this is Eurus pressuring Sherlock into death, but that’s not the case at all – we know from the early series that Sherlock has survived before (although very unhappily) with just one of these two dominating the other. It has taken his EMP journey to unite them into a functioning entity, and Eurus is bent on destroying that, mutilating either his emotional capacity or his reasoning, the two parts that make him human. This is a good sign, as well, that trauma has been acting on Sherlock through the first three series, when his psyche was dominated by brain!Mycroft - Eurus is keen to revert to that state, when trauma had control. It is touching, then, that brain!Mycroft is willing to relinquish that control and leave Sherlock with his heart, perhaps because this new unity allows him to recognise how damaged the Sherlock he created was. We should also note that this diminishing of Sherlock’s heart is compared to his Lady Bracknell, which we know to be his repression of all Sherlock’s romantic/sexual impulses – except this time it’s less convincing, because his brain doesn’t believe it anymore. What is also devastating is heart!John’s lack of self-esteem or knowledge, the sense that he isn’t useful to Sherlock, which of course will be proven wrong.

[if anyone has thoughts on the white rectangle on the floor, do let me know. It’s bugging me!]

Mycroft says that he acknowledges there is a heart somewhere inside of him – again, this is emotionally powerful in the context of the brain/heart wrangling that we’ve seen inside the EMP. Just as Sherlock’s psyche has tried to compartmentalise them all this time and they’re finally working together, now there’s an acknowledgement that the compartmentalisation into personae is maybe inaccurate as well – brain!Mycroft’s pretence to be emotionally detached is not in fact correct, as we’ve been suspecting for a long time.

Brain!Mycroft also states that it’s his fault that this has all happened because he let Eurus converse with Jim. If you spend any time thinking about the Eurus + Jim meeting, like many elements of this show it doesn’t make sense. There isn’t a feasible way this could have been planned, recorded etc in five minutes, and although it’s true that Jim could have come back to shoot the videos under the governor’s supervision, it’s not clear why he’s so important. Unless he takes on the metaphorical significance that we’ve assigned him, letting Jim see Eurus seems pretty unimportant – he is only the garnishing on Eurus’s plan. Instead, Mycroft is at fault for letting John be in danger – not only did Sherlock misdeduce Mary (although we can lay the blame for that at the feet of heart!John - see meta on TST), his reasoning was blinded and so he missed John’s suicidal urges and the danger to his life. Brain!Mycroft holds himself responsible – all of these EMP deductions are way late, comprised of things Sherlock should have noticed when his brain wasn’t letting his heart in.

Five minutes. It took her five minutes to do this to all of us.

The lighting is dramatic, so I can’t properly gauge Ben’s expression at this moment, but his eyes look crinkled in confusion, just like they are at the moments when a sense of unreality starts to set in in TAB. Indeed, these aren’t very appropriate words for when you’re about to kill your brother; it’s like he’s being distracted, like there’s something important that he’s missing. Mofftiss are drawing attention to the sheer impossibility of the situation – and Sherlock’s nearly there. His Katniss Everdeen move, threatening to kill himself, is the recognition that his trauma doesn’t have that power – it can hurt him and deform him by twisting his psyche into unbalance, like it has before and like Eurus is trying to here, but it cannot kill him. We can see that Sherlock has risen above the one-sided dominance that he began the entire show with when Eurus shouts at him that he doesn’t know about Redbeard yet – that’s not going to change his mind today, but it’s a direct throwback to the days when it would have, in ASiP with the cabbie. Character development, folks.

The shot of Sherlock falling backwards into the dark water links to two aspects of the EMP. One is the continued metaphor of water to represent sinking into the depths of his mind. The water is so dark it looks oily – it could be argued that this is the oil that is corrupting the waters of his mind as we finally cut to the repressed memories. I quite like this reading, though I have little other oil imagery to link it to in the show. The other notable point is the slow-motion fall backwards – instead of showing Sherlock, John and Mycroft all falling, we cut to Sherlock falling backwards exactly like he did in HLV when he was shot by Mary. This is a really clear visual callback. Even though we’re going deeper, we’re linking back to the original shooting, back in reality, suggesting that this depth is paradoxically going to lead us back to the start. To go back to the oil imagery, don’t forget that oil floats on water – although it looks like we’re sinking, there’s a real sense that these repressed memories are actually pulling us to the surface of Sherlock’s subconscious, quite unlike the deep zoom out we saw when Sherlock was destroying the coffin.

And that’s it for part 2 of the TFP meta! Part 3/3 will deal with such highlights as John not being able to recognise bones and presumably getting his feet pulled off by chains. Good thing this is just a dream. See you then!

[blrush]

I Told Sunset About You Ep4:

A short review of the emotional journey I had at 1am this morning...

- That was so heartbreaking, BUT the only thing that gives me HOPE is that I was CONVINCED this show would have a sad ending that would result in Teh’s death and Oh-aew getting into Uni that way. So even though that episode was fucked up seven ways till sunday, I am somewhat relieved that that didn’t happen, and by making ep4 sad, it means I’m 90% sure ep 5 will be a happy resolution! YAY!

- The scene oh Oh-aew putting on that red bra was POWERFUL. Like, catch me sobbing in the middle of the night alone in my room = powerful. It was so simple, but it expressed more complexity about gender identity, pain, and longing than entire films that try to explore those themes. It hit me HARD.

- That kiss in the water, okay look I literally wrote an entire thesis about queer kids kissing under-water, so I won’t get into it. And it was beautiful, but let’s just say I’m hoping they will have a more satisfying kiss in Ep5. Because whilst that scene was beautifully shot, by having them underwater, you are basically removing them from the obstacles of their reality and placing them in a dream-scape where they are free to be together, but it also means that, narratively - you are taking away the normal “sealed with a kiss” trope so it’s not as satisfying because it has not narrative consequences in the ‘real world’.

- I’m so angry at Teh, I don’t even know if I can bare to watch it again with subs (I live-streamed without subs cause I was too impatient), but the FURY that was raging in my during that episode, lawd, I’m gonna kill that boy. BUT, at the same time, I respect that they’re depicted a very raw and real story about sexuality, coming-of-age, and the confusion and pain that entails for many LGBTQI youth. But oh boy, ep5 better be about Teh growing up, becoming a good person, and slowly earning back Oh-aew’s trust and love cause bitch you DON’T DESERVE HIM.

- Okay, I realised I do need to rewatch, because I can’t read Thai OR Chinese, so when they were sending those passive-aggressive insta-stories to each other at the end I was like *john mulaney voice* “okay, okay, okay, okay” WHY ARE THEY BEING MEAN TO EACH OTHER NOOOOOOO haha.

K that’s all, thanks for coming to my ted talk. I’m a mess.

[daddymendes]

Surprise (Shawn Mendes x Reader)

*In this you’re Brian’s sister*

*3rd person’s POV*

(Y/N) was currently rummaging through her clothes as she was pack her suitcase for a trip. You see, (Y/N) boyfriend, Shawn, was currently on tour for 4 months now and (Y/N) started to miss him dearly. So she took matters into her own hands and planned a surprise visit to her boyfriend.

So she contacted her brother, Brian and Shawn’s bandmate, Geoff. Together they planned how she was gonna surprise Shawn. The plan was for (Y/N) to come to Italy (where Shawn was at that time) and surprise him while he was perfroming a song on stage infront of all her fans.

Within the next few minutes, she had everything she needed packed up in the now closed suitcase.

*(Y/N)’s POV*

Once I was done packing, I went to my bathroom to change into the clothes I would wear to the airport.

I changed into baby blue jeans and one of Shawn’s grey hoodie that I stole from his suitcase before tour.

Once I was done packing all my stuff, I grabbed my handbag which contained my laptop, laptop charger, my phone charger, spare clothes, chewing gum and snacks.

I grabbed my suitcase, rolled it down the stairs and out the door and packed it into my car. I locked the house door before climbing into my car and pulling out of the driveway.

The ride to the airport was quiet with the faint sound of the radio playing in the background. Suddenly one of Shawn’s songs came on and I immediately put the volume up. I felt something warm in my chest. I always feel like this whenever I hear Shawn’s songs on the radio. To think that, that is the same kid that sat in his bedroom doing covers on vine is crazy.

The car ride went by pretty fast as soon after, I found myself checking my suitcase in and already passed security and was now waiting for my flight to be called.

I decided to call Brian to update him on the plan. I texted him asking if Shawn was with him and if yes, he should go to another room so that I could call him.

A few minutes later, I got a facetime call incoming from Brian. I accepted the call and Brian’s face popped up along with Geoff in the background.

“Hey! I’m at the airport waiting for my flight right now” I said

“Nice. We’ve just finished practice and your boyfriend is looking pretty sad right now” Geoff said

“Awe bless him! Let’s hope our little surprise will brighten his mood a little” I said

“I’m sure it will. He’s whipped for you” Brian said

We all laughed and continued talking for a bit more until my flight was called. We said our goodbyes and see you later and ended the call.

I grabbed my stuff before heading towards my boarding gate. I showed the lady my passport and boarding pass before I was allowed to get in.

I walked down the tunnel to the plane before I found my seat that was next to the hublot. I placed my bag under the seat in front of me before I connected my earphones to my phone and listened to my music.

For the next few minutes, the plane started moving from it’s parked space towards the runway. At this point I just blanked out and within the next few minutes I was passed out.

*Few hours later*

I was woken up by the plane shaking like hell. I opened my eyes an looked out the hublot and I realised that we were landing. Once the plane hit the Italian ground, I grabbed my stuff and headed to the baggage belt.

Whilst waiting, I took out my phone and texted Brian saying that I arrived. He replied that he had a car waiting for me outside.

Once I got my luggage I headed out to the pick up area where I spotted a man standing there with a sign with my name on it. I walked towards him and greeted him. He turned out to be pretty friendly.

He grabbed my luggage and headed out to the parking lot where a back SUV was waiting there. He placed my luggage in the trunk and I climbed on the backseat. He climbed into the drivers seat and started heading out.

*Few minutes later*

The car pulled my to a hotel and I climbed out. I thanked the driver and grabbed my luggage. I walked into the hotel to be greeted my cold AC air. I looked around and spotted Brian sitting in the lobby area waiting for something.

Once he noticed me, he walked towards me with a smile.

“Hey lil sis” He greeted and hugged me

“Hey big bro” I said back

“We gotta get your to your floor before Shawn arrives” He said grabbing my luggage

“When is he supposed to be here?” I asked walking besides him

“Anytime soon. We just have time to get you hidden” He said

We entered a glass elevator that had a view on the lobby. As the elevator started going up, that’s when we saw Shawn walk in with the rest of his crew. But luckily he didn’t look into the elevator and I passed unnoticed.

The elevator doors opened and revealed on of th emany floors in the hotel. Brian walked ahead as I followed behind him.

“The only problem is that you’re on the same floor as all of us. So be careful not to get caught” Brian said as he opened a room door

“After you” Brian said as he steped out of the door way

I walked into the door way and walked through the door.

“You’ll just stay here for a few hours before you surprise Shawn during the concert” Brian said sitting down in the office chair.

I sat down opposite of him, on the bed.

“So, how’s it been?” I asked reffering to the tour

“It’s been great. Good vibes all along. Great people too!” He said

“I missed Teddy so much. I gotta see her as soon as possible” I said

“Oh trust me, she missed you too” He said

We kept on talking about anything that came up in our minds until it was time for Shawn and the team to head out to the stadium where the concert would take place. And Brian had to go along with them because he technically was part of teh team now.

So I was left alone for about an hour and I decided to change out of my clothes into cleaner clothes before Brian called me to tell me that there was a car downstairs waiting for me.

I walked out of my room to the lobby and I greeted the driver. I climbed in and he immediately started driving towards the venue. When we arrived, before I walked towards the venue, I called Brian saying that I was gonna walk in.

As I ended the call, I thanked the driver and walked to the backdoor. As I entered, I was greeted by Brian. I quickly pulled me towards a room afr away from all the commotion.

“That’s the only place you can stay in until Shawn goes on” Brian said

“Okay, that’s fine. It’s just a few minutes” I said and shrugged and sat down on a random box

“BTW can you get Teddy to come here? Don’t tell her I’m here tho” I said

“Sure. Be right back!” He said and walked out of the room

I waited for less than 2 minutes before the door opened and revealed Teddy. She took a glance at me before her face turned into pure shock.

“OMG! YOU’RE HERE!” She screamed but I shushed her before she caught the attention of anyone else

“Shhh! Shawn doesn’t know yet! I’m planning on surpirising him” I said

“Awe you guys are the cutest!” She sqealed

Teddy and I kept talking until we heard Shawn’s entrance song. We then decided that it was safe to get out of the small room and so we did.

Teddy lead me towards the wings where everyone was stading, watching Shawn’s performance.

Once they realised I was here they all greeted me.

“Heyy! You made it!” Geoff said

“Finally! I’m glad all the whining is gonna stop!” Andrew said and sigh

“Whining?” I asked

“Yeah your boyfriend kept going on about how he missed you and everytime you wouldn’t answer his calls he would always be in a bad mood. Always being down, sulky but I’m glad It’s gonna be over soon!” He added

“Oh wow. I didn’t expect that from him” I said

“So when are you gonna surprise him?” Geoff asked

“Last song maybe?” I said unsure

“Yeah sure. That’s ‘If I can’t have you’ which I know you love” Geoff said

“Oh my god yay!” I exclaimed

During the whole concert we kept on dancing and singing along with Shawn and the fans.

When the time finally came, Shawn was introducing his last song, ‘In my blood’ and I couldn’t help but feel anxious.

“Tell me when to go on” I said to Geoff

“Sure” He replied

I let most of the song pass and we were now at the last chorus of the song.

Geoff made a sign to me that I should now step on and I did. Shawn was forward at the edge of the stage, close to the fans.

I truned my head to the right and saw Zubin that looked at me shocked. I chuckled at his expression and greeted him with a head sign and placed my pointer finger to my lips in a ‘shhh’ sign. He nodded and I walked froward.

I slowly approached Shawn and as some fans noticed my presence, they screamed out even louder if that was even possible. I noticed how Shawn slightly looked confused but continued on.

When I was right behind him, I innocently tapped on his shoulder. He confusedly looked over his shoulder to see who was behind him and as soon as his eyes met mine his jaw fell to the floor.

He swung his guitar onto his back, picked me up and hugged me. I squealed as I didn’t expect him to do such thing.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe this! You’re here!” Shawn said

“Yes Shawn I’m here and I’m staying for the rest of the tour!” I said

“Couldn’t be better!” Shawn said

We kept staring into each others eyes simultaneously forgetting about the thousand of fans watching.

And they soon started chanting “KISS! KISS! KISS!”

We both turned our heas towards them and smiled to each other.

“Guess we gotta give the fans what they want” Shawn said with a smirk

I smiled at him, leaned in and soon enough our lips met and we could here the fans going wild!

In the end it was all worth it. I was so happy to be back in Shawn’s arms and so excited for the rest of the tour. I could tell that we would make many more happy memories!

[bigskydreaming]

I srsly love Jason Todd’s character so much and I will go to war for that guy but its still very much a thing that he has tried to kill Damian, Dick and Tim on more than one occasion, like not even just one time, but multiple times, in different stories by different writers, and umm....this isn’t a minor thing? Its kinda a big deal that any one of them is allowed to feel like...Not Good about? I am ALL for Jason reunifying with the family and them all getting along, its The Dream, but I will never ever be here for Jason being treated as though he’s a victim of his three brothers specifically because they’re cranky about all the times HE TRIED TO KILL THEM.

Like, that part has kinda definitely always been a one way street, and if you’re gonna include any kind of reference to those events at all, like, they happened in your take on canon? GUESS WHAT LADS, SOMETIMES PPL DONT FEEL GREAT ABOUT BEING THE TARGET OF THEIR BROTHER’S MURDER PLANS.

I am for sure happy to handwave away all of that as bad writing and be like mmmm what if it just didn’t happen tho, but the second you insist it DID happen, like....lololol Jason does not have the moral high ground in those particular instances, I’m sorry but he just very much doesn’t. 

(See also: referencing these events as canon, and having Tim and Damian able to forgive and forget all the Murder Attempts and bond with Jason MUCH more easily than they’re able to forgive Dick for various trespasses against them, despite.....actual years and years worth of stories where Dick dotes on them and prioritizes them and gives up literally everything for their sake, except for the ONE or two times when he doesn’t, which is pretty much only because a DIFFERENT brother needed him more at the time. Again - Damian and Tim getting along with Jason? Great, awesome, I am here for it. Damian and Tim bonding with Jason over how Dick is LITERALLY THE WORST EVER UGH, because....yeah he’s definitely topped TRYING TO MURDER THEM and thus a united front against their would-be murderer brother against him......eh, not so much with the greatness.)

(See also also: referencing these events as canon and having Tim able to forgive Jason for all the Murder Attempts but holding a grudge against Damian at the same time, because again....the same logic above also holds true with Tim and Damian. I mean, that shit did happen, and even though Damian was only like, ten and raised with the expectation that he was absolutely supposed to kill Timmers someday, its totally understandable for Tim to Not Feel Great about this and take a long fucking time to warm up to him. BUT when you have Tim being like, oh Jason and me are all good, we’re actually kinda besties now, we braid each other’s hair and talk shit about Dick and Damian and how much they suck and have ruined our lives....whilst still having Tim be like OMG Damian is Teh Evil, he literally tried to kill me, how could you ever look upon him fondly after that, Dick, le betrayal, le gasp, I am betrayed!!!! Like.....I’m gonna need you to then immediately write Dick wildly flailing his arms before gesturing emphatically at Jason’s close proximity to Tim and yelling umm....UMMM BWUH????)

Again, I love unified Batfam and not all brothers need to get along equally at all times, but when the canon grudges in the family involve ACTUAL ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS like.....ummm, plz be aware of your personal fandom biases when writing their interactions maybe, because otherwise it starts to look like “LOOK JASON MAY HAVE TRIED TO MURDER ME THREE TIMES, DICK, BUT AT LEAST HE NEVER REFUSED TO BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAID THE DEAD BODY WE BURIED WASN’T ACTUALLY OUR FATHER AND OUR REAL FATHER WAS TIME TRAVELING THROUGH ANCIENT ROME AND BEING WORSHIPPED AS A BAT GOD, LIKE HOW COULD YOU LET ME DOWN LIKE THAT, ULTIMATE BETRAYAL, HOW DARE.”

[guccitaehyung]

Surprise (Shawn Mendes x Reader)

*In this you’re Brian’s sister*

*3rd person’s POV*

(Y/N) was currently rummaging through her clothes as she was pack her suitcase for a trip. You see, (Y/N) boyfriend, Shawn, was currently on tour for 4 months now and (Y/N) started to miss him dearly. So she took matters into her own hands and planned a surprise visit to her boyfriend.

So she contacted her brother, Brian and Shawn’s bandmate, Geoff. Together they planned how she was gonna surprise Shawn. The plan was for (Y/N) to come to Italy (where Shawn was at that time) and surprise him while he was perfroming a song on stage infront of all her fans.

Within the next few minutes, she had everything she needed packed up in the now closed suitcase.

*(Y/N)'s POV*

Once I was done packing, I went to my bathroom to change into the clothes I would wear to the airport.

I changed into baby blue jeans and one of Shawn's grey hoodie that I stole from his suitcase before tour.

Once I was done packing all my stuff, I grabbed my handbag which contained my laptop, laptop charger, my phone charger, spare clothes, chewing gum and snacks.

I grabbed my suitcase, rolled it down the stairs and out the door and packed it into my car. I locked the house door before climbing into my car and pulling out of the driveway.

The ride to the airport was quiet with the faint sound of the radio playing in the background. Suddenly one of Shawn's songs came on and I immediately put the volume up. I felt something warm in my chest. I always feel like this whenever I hear Shawn's songs on the radio. To think that, that is the same kid that sat in his bedroom doing covers on vine is crazy.

The car ride went by pretty fast as soon after, I found myself checking my suitcase in and already passed security and was now waiting for my flight to be called. 

I decided to call Brian to update him on the plan. I texted him asking if Shawn was with him and if yes, he should go to another room so that I could call him. 

A few minutes later, I got a facetime call incoming from Brian. I accepted the call and Brian's face popped up along with Geoff in the background.

"Hey! I'm at the airport waiting for my flight right now" I said

"Nice. We've just finished practice and your boyfriend is looking pretty sad right now" Geoff said

"Awe bless him! Let's hope our little surprise will brighten his mood a little" I said

"I'm sure it will. He's whipped for you" Brian said

We all laughed and continued talking for a bit more until my flight was called. We said our goodbyes and see you later and ended the call.

I grabbed my stuff before heading towards my boarding gate. I showed the lady my passport and boarding pass before I was allowed to get in.

I walked down the tunnel to the plane before I found my seat that was next to the hublot. I placed my bag under the seat in front of me before I connected my earphones to my phone and listened to my music.

For the next few minutes, the plane started moving from it's parked space towards the runway. At this point I just blanked out and within the next few minutes I was passed out.

*Few hours later*

I was woken up by the plane shaking like hell. I opened my eyes an looked out the hublot and I realised that we were landing. Once the plane hit the Italian ground, I grabbed my stuff and headed to the baggage belt.

Whilst waiting, I took out my phone and texted Brian saying that I arrived. He replied that he had a car waiting for me outside.

Once I got my luggage I headed out to the pick up area where I spotted a man standing there with a sign with my name on it. I walked towards him and greeted him. He turned out to be pretty friendly.

He grabbed my luggage and headed out to the parking lot where a back SUV was waiting there. He placed my luggage in the trunk and I climbed on the backseat. He climbed into the drivers seat and started heading out.

*Few minutes later*

The car pulled my to a hotel and I climbed out. I thanked the driver and grabbed my luggage. I walked into the hotel to be greeted my cold AC air. I looked around and spotted Brian sitting in the lobby area waiting for something.

Once he noticed me, he walked towards me with a smile.

"Hey lil sis" He greeted and hugged me

"Hey big bro" I said back

"We gotta get your to your floor before Shawn arrives" He said grabbing my luggage

"When is he supposed to be here?" I asked walking besides him

"Anytime soon. We just have time to get you hidden" He said

We entered a glass elevator that had a view on the lobby. As the elevator started going up, that's when we saw Shawn walk in with the rest of his crew. But luckily he didn't look into the elevator and I passed unnoticed.

The elevator doors opened and revealed on of th emany floors in the hotel. Brian walked ahead as I followed behind him.

“The only problem is that you’re on the same floor as all of us. So be careful not to get caught” Brian said as he opened a room door

“After you” Brian said as he steped out of the door way

I walked into the door way and walked through the door.

“You’ll just stay here for a few hours before you surprise Shawn during the concert” Brian said sitting down in the office chair.

I sat down opposite of him, on the bed.

“So, how’s it been?” I asked reffering to the tour

“It’s been great. Good vibes all along. Great people too!” He said

“I missed Teddy so much. I gotta see her as soon as possible” I said

“Oh trust me, she missed you too” He said

We kept on talking about anything that came up in our minds until it was time for Shawn and the team to head out to the stadium where the concert would take place. And Brian had to go along with them because he technically was part of teh team now.

So I was left alone for about an hour and I decided to change out of my clothes into cleaner clothes before Brian called me to tell me that there was a car downstairs waiting for me.

I walked out of my room to the lobby and I greeted the driver. I climbed in and he immediately started driving towards the venue. When we arrived, before I walked towards the venue, I called Brian saying that I was gonna walk in.

As I ended the call, I thanked the driver and walked to the backdoor. As I entered, I was greeted by Brian. I quickly pulled me towards a room afr away from all the commotion.

“That’s the only place you can stay in until Shawn goes on” Brian said

“Okay, that’s fine. It’s just a few minutes” I said and shrugged and sat down on a random box

“BTW can you get Teddy to come here? Don’t tell her I’m here tho” I said

“Sure. Be right back!” He said and walked out of the room

I waited for less than 2 minutes before the door opened and revealed Teddy. She took a glance at me before her face turned into pure shock.

“OMG! YOU’RE HERE!” She screamed but I shushed her before she caught the attention of anyone else

“Shhh! Shawn doesn’t know yet! I’m planning on surpirising him” I said

“Awe you guys are the cutest!” She sqealed

Teddy and I kept talking until we heard Shawn’s entrance song. We then decided that it was safe to get out of the small room and so we did.

Teddy lead me towards the wings where everyone was stading, watching Shawn’s performance.

Once they realised I was here they all greeted me.

“Heyy! You made it!” Geoff said

“Finally! I’m glad all the whining is gonna stop!” Andrew said and sigh

“Whining?” I asked

“Yeah your boyfriend kept going on about how he missed you and everytime you wouldn’t answer his calls he would always be in a bad mood. Always being down, sulky but I’m glad It’s gonna be over soon!” He added

“Oh wow. I didn’t expect that from him” I said

“So when are you gonna surprise him?” Geoff asked

“Last song maybe?” I said unsure

“Yeah sure. That’s ‘If I can’t have you’ which I know you love” Geoff said

“Oh my god yay!” I exclaimed

During the whole concert we kept on dancing and singing along with Shawn and the fans.

When the time finally came, Shawn was introducing his last song, ‘In my blood’ and I couldn’t help but feel anxious.

“Tell me when to go on” I said to Geoff

“Sure” He replied

I let most of the song pass and we were now at the last chorus of the song.

Geoff made a sign to me that I should now step on and I did. Shawn was forward at the edge of the stage, close to the fans.

I truned my head to the right and saw Zubin that looked at me shocked. I chuckled at his expression and greeted him with a head sign and placed my pointer finger to my lips in a ‘shhh’ sign. He nodded and I walked froward.

I slowly approached Shawn and as some fans noticed my presence, they screamed out even louder if that was even possible. I noticed how Shawn slightly looked confused but continued on.

When I was right behind him, I innocently tapped on his shoulder. He confusedly looked over his shoulder to see who was behind him and as soon as his eyes met mine his jaw fell to the floor.

He swung his guitar onto his back, picked me up and hugged me. I squealed as I didn’t expect him to do such thing.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe this! You’re here!” Shawn said

“Yes Shawn I’m here and I’m staying for the rest of the tour!” I said

“Couldn’t be better!” Shawn said

We kept staring into each others eyes simultaneously forgetting about the thousand of fans watching.

And they soon started chanting “KISS! KISS! KISS!”

We both turned our heas towards them and smiled to each other.

“Guess we gotta give the fans what they want” Shawn said with a smirk

I smiled at him, leaned in and soon enough our lips met and we could here the fans going wild!

In the end it was all worth it. I was so happy to be back in Shawn’s arms and so excited for the rest of the tour. I could tell that we would make many more happy memories!

[your-anxious-nightmare]

Angel with a Shotgun

I’m sleep deprived and was listening to Angel with a Shotgun on teh bus to work and this happened in my dream so I fleshed it out a bit. 

Sorry if it’s bad, I like the idea I’m just not sure about my execution of it

Ao3

Think Hunger Games meets Handmaid’s Tale, America is under state rule. 

No one comes in, no one goes out.

Virgil (21) is one of the lowest classes

He lives in a tiny apartment building with way too many people for the size and doesn’t have heating most days because it’s too expensive. 

He works at a small grocery store, its hard work and pays nothing but at least its some money in teh bank. 

One day, he’s at work when there’s a commotion outside, 

He looks out just as a man barrels into the shop

He’s covered in soot and panting as he holds a bloody hand to his side

He has long brown hair falling into his green eyes and a distinct crown ring on his right hand

Virgil rushes over to help, hands shaking as he tears open the first aid kit.

The man introduces himself as Roman through laboured breaths.

He says there was another Act in the square

An Act is what the government calls the attacks by the rebellion, people trying to break down the rule and get out

Virgil starts to panic thinking the rebels will come to find him but Roman calms him down by saying they all ran off and that the police are sorting it out as they speak.

They get to talking and on Virgil’s days off, Roman takes him out to the park and to the movies

He buys him a new jacket and fixes the heater in teh younger man’s apartment

Roman never tells Virgil what he does for a job

He vanishes sometimes for days before getting in contact with Virgil again

One day, Roman cancels their meeting, but Virgil goes to the square anyways just wanting to get out of the apartment. 

He’s sitting on a park bench reading when an explosion sounds. 

Screams echo around him, and he fumbles to stand, getting to his feet as another explosion rings out, knocking him to teh ground. 

He stands shakily, watching smoke rise around him as people cry out for help. 

Through the smoke, he spots a familiar face setting up what looks like a robot under the temporary government office stairs

He runs over, catching the man by surprise as he stands

“Virge?” 

“Roman? What are you doing here? What’s that?”

“You weren’t meant to be here.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“We need to leave.”

Roman starts to pull Virgil by his arm, but police start surrounding the area, arresting anyone that's not bleeding or crying or dead.

They grab Virgil and tear him away from Roman

He’s taken to a sort of prison underground and thrown in a cell with a man that looks so weak he can’t even talk. 

It’s small and cramped and dark, the only light through teh worlds smallest window at teh top of teh wall and the small crack beneath teh door

Virgil cries for hours, confused and terrified. 

Someone pushes two trays of food beneath the door, only a small sandwich and few crackers on the plates

But Virgil is starving so he scoffs his own quickly

He looks over to the other man, seeing his chest rise and fall a little quicker than when he arrived

He shuffles over and carefully helps the man sit up, feeding him small bites of the crackers with gentle words

The man never speaks, only nodding in thanks 

Days, maybe weeks, later, the man finally speaks

He says his name is Logan and he’s been there for four months

Virgil starts to cry again, but Logan says his partner is working on a way to get them out, the rebels and the innocents

Virgil doesn’t believe him but he curls up next to logan anyways, both men needing the heat as the sun departs from teh sky, leaving the cell colder than ever

Virgil is starting to lose hope, sick of hearing a cell open and a person cry, never to hear from them again. 

One day in teh dead of night, all teh doors click open

Virgil stands quickly, poking his head around when logan pulls him back

“Don’t. We need to wait, the guards will catch teh first lot of people to leave and if we stay here Pat will come to find us and we can get out safe.” 

Virgil doesn’t know how much to trust Logan but a gunshot scares him back into the man’s arms. 

About ten minutes later, a small voice calls own teh hall

“Logan? Where are you?”

“Patton.” Logan breathes, helping Virgil back to his feet and stepping into teh hall. 

A man with curly blonde hair and a pair of light blue shorts on stands at the end of the hall, a smile slowly crawling up his face as he lays eyes on teh pair of men. 

Neither Logan nor Virgil can walk very well, so they lean on each other and Patton meets them halfway, wrapping his arms around Logan as tight as possible whilst holding Virgil's weight at teh same time

“Come on, we have to go. Roman’s outside with the car.” 

they get outside to see a group of guards rn past, they duck between teh shadows to avoid being spotted and reach an old jeep with teh windows blacked out. 

Patton knocks on teh window 1,1,123 and the sound of the locks fills teh air

He opens teh door and helps Virgil into the front seat before turning to help logan

Roman looks over at the man he once knew

He looks older now, despite only being gone a few months. The purple is faded from his hair which is now down to his shoulders and he’s paler than ever.

Roman looks different too

He has a scar across his cheek, still bruised, and his hair is tied into a bun.

Virgil only stares for a few seconds before jumping into his arms, lips connecting without a second thought

“I don't care that you’re one of them, I don’t care that you're a rebel

“I love you.” 

“I love you too Virgil but I have to drive us out of here and I can't do that with you on my lap”

The drive off down the old road but hit a pothole creating a loud bang

Spotlights track teh car and various army vehicles start chasing them

Roman keeps driving, face steeled and hands unshaken

Virgil grabs teh handle on teh door as they fly around corners, dust kicked up from teh tires creating a shield between them and the army

The reach an old border checkpoint turned town turned deserted ghost town and roman slams on the brakes, everyone jumping out and running to cover in an empty building as the helicopters reach them

Gunshots sound, the army trying to neutralise the threat. 

“We have to make a run for it"

“Not gonna happen. We’d be shot before we get twelve steps"

“Not if someone distracts them”

“Roman no” 

"Roman yes, get out of here. I love you, Virgil, please remember that. I'll see you on the other side.” 

Roman ducks out and sprints teh opposite direction to teh border wall, drawing teh attention of everyone. 

Virgil screams for him to come back as Patton and logan drag him with them,

They get to teh wall and shuffle through a gap in the panels, breaking free to find dozens of people also running through the plains

Roman had seen more people hiding in the abandoned buildings

He had been the distraction for maybe a hundred people to get free

Virgil still hopes he survived

It’s years later, Virgil settle into an apartment with Patton and Logan, teh pair getting married and pretty-much-adopting the younger of the three (they can’t actually because he’s 22 when they get there, but Patton insists he’s basically their kid) 

Virgil’s out for a walk when he sits in a park, a statue of a faceless man standing over him

It was modelled for Roman, his sacrifice saved hundreds of people that ay and because of that, saved thousands more as teh government fell

Virgil tears up at teh thought of what could have been

Someone sits down next to him, placing a hand between their legs

A ring on their middle finger glints in the sunlight

A crown

Virgil looks up through his tears, finding the sparkling green eyes of his forbidden love

“Hey Virgil”

[hyenasnake]

Battle Scars

Happy Father’s Day! TW: Past Abuse, Depression, Self Harm Mention, and Mental Illness.

They say you can take the warrior from the war, but you can never take the war from the warrior.

While Scrooge McDuck was no warrior, he had seen his share of battles in his time on earth. His senses had been heightened from them, which is how he heard the door to the bathroom shut loud enough in the dead of night to wake him and possibly Beakley whilst the other occupants of the mansion slept through it. Normally, he wouldn’t have paid it any mind, as the residents of McDuck Manor tended to wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom or get a drink of water. But this time, a gut feeling caused him to rise out of bed and walk to the source of the noise.

He knew as soon as he saw the door to Webby’s room slightly ajar. Whilst Lena had been given her own room with everything she could ever ask for inside, she was nervous about sleeping on her own and preferred instead a sleeping bag on the floor of Webby’s loft. The younger duckling protested greatly about having her friend sleep on the cold floor, but Lena never let up. So often Webbigail would be found curled up next to Lena keeping her warm.  He looked in the loft where the girls slept and found Webby asleep next to the old sleeping bag Lena insisted on sleeping in, the latter nowhere to be found.  A light from down the hall caught Scrooge's eye. As he followed it, he sighed in exasperation  upon realizing it led to the bathroom.  “Curse me kilts! Not even two days back from the hospital and she's already tryin' ta wind up back there.” He grumbled under his breath, then mentally chastising himself for getting angry at his newest ward over something she could barely control. He heard soft sobs, hisses, grunts and rummaging as he prepared to knock on the door in case this was just an ordinary midnight restroom break. He gently knocked on the mahogany door, not waiting for an answer before pushing it open.

As expected, Lena was slumped on the floor in her nightshirt looking like a deer in headlights. She had been caught red handed rummaging through the drawers. Her eyes were filled with tears and her forearms still wrapped in bandages. Scrooge sighed and offered her his hand.  “Yer not goin’ ta find anythin’ in here to hurt yourself again, lass. C’mon.” Lena took his hand as he helped her off the bathroom floor. She looked down in shame, her feathery hair covering her downcast, tear filled eyes. The pathetic sight of her tugged at the old man’s heartstrings. Scrooge led the teenager downstairs to the kitchen.

This called for an unused teabag was Scrooge’s thought has he handed Lena a mug of tea. Lena took the mug in shaky hands. The old man sat beside the teenager with his own mug. He gave a sigh and put a hand on her shoulder. “Lena, ah know yer strugglin’. Ah know ye feel like yer holdin’ all the sorrows of the world on yer shoulders. Ah wish ah could take all that sufferin’ away from ye, if only teh see ye smile without a care in the universe. Ah know everyone else in this house wishes the same for ye. But part of the healin’ has teh come from ye.”  “No you don’t. You don’t know anything about me.” She grumbled.  “Ah know that ye act tough and cool in ordah teh get by, ye act like ye could care less about what the world wants from ye. But inside, Lena, ah know yer tired. Yer tired of all the people, all the sadness, all the fear. Yer scared of messin’ up, bein’ a failure, disappointin’ the people in yer life. Ah know ye wish ye could cry yerself teh sleep every night and not bein’ able teh because yer family would hear ye.” Something all too familiar to Scrooge passed behind Lena’s dark eyes. “I don’t have a family.” Lena said in a hushed voice. “You said you’d let me be apart of your family if I helped you get your family back. I didn’t do squat to help. They came to you on their own. None of you ever needed me. The only one who needed me was Magica and once she’d used me she got rid of me.” Scrooge thought for a moment. Lena had been turned back to shadow as soon as Magica was free, not having the chance to help bring the family together again. He quickly snapped out of his thoughts when Lena began to speek again.  “I’m just a failure. A burden. A bad influence. A lowlife. A traitor. I’m just some dumb kid. I should have stayed in the shadow realm forever. I deserve it.” Her hands trembled.  “Yer only dumb fer thinkin’ all that baloney about yerself.” He lifted her chin to look up at him. “Lena, Magica has always been a basket case who’s done more harm than good. But she did one good thing, and yeh know what? That was ye. Yer the only good thing teh come from that mephistophelian medusa. Ye didn’t ask teh be caught up in all this crazy mess, teh live such a life as a witch’s slave with no love. Ah know ye cannae get used teh all of this so fast. Believe it or not, but we have a lot in common.” Lena’s eyes were blinking back tears. “Really?” “Ah was just like yeh as a lad. Sad, quiet, broodin’, wishin’ ah could go teh sleep and never wake up. Teh tell ye the truth, ah still feel like that sometimes. Ah still have the same battle scars that ye do. It doesn’t go away, but it gets better. Ah promise yeh on my life. But it isn’t goin’ to get better if ye keep wishin’ ye were dead. Ye hafta make it better yerself, carve your own path. Ye hafta write yer own story in the book o’ life.” He cupped her cheek, setting his mug of tea on the counter. “As fer ye not bein’ a part o’ the family, well ah have a few documents that could change that with yer signature.” The teenager’s eyes widened.  “You mean-?” “Welcome teh the McDuck family, Lena.” The old man gave her a warm smile. Lena put her mug down, tears rolling down her face. Scrooge engulfed her in a hug which she readily accepted. He held her as she cried as if she were the infant she never had the luxury of being. She sobbed her thanks and apologies as he rubbed her back.

It was over an hour later when Scrooge McDuck was finally tired enough to go back to bed. He had sent Lena up to bed when she got tired and was slightly shocked to find the teenager asleep in his own bed. He recalled her words from earlier; “every time I close my eyes I see her. It won’t stop. She won’t stop hurting me.” She’d confided in him. But now she seemed to be the opposite of restless. Her breathing wasn’t labored and she slept peacefully like a baby, the first time she slept this well in her life. Scrooge tucked her in and fell asleep next to her, giving her most of the room to sleep. She snored softly, lulling him to sleep.

After that night, Lena began to sleep in her own room. She began to make a point of going out more to socialize, remembering to take her medicine, and asking others for help. It was still a bumpy ride full of relapses, nightmares, panic attacks, fights, hospital trips, therapy, and days where she felt so crippled she stayed in her bed all day. But at least now the young girl could feel a little better with her newfound family by her side.