#while we're all here i just wanted to say

[catboybiologist]

half baked morning rant

I do want to make it clear that the reason I talk about HRT and its biological effects so much is not because HRT or medicalization defines your gender.

Its because, for me personally, the interface of my biology education and my transition was mostly centered around figuring out what sex hormones do. I learned about basic biology principles like DNA organization, gene regulation, cell biology, and physiology in high school and undergrad. Taking that understanding and extending it to the mechanisms that hormones use to change gene regulation, and by extension, the rest of your body broadly, was something I did as my understanding became more complete in later undergrad and grad school. It was the key to me starting my own transition.

Why?

Because it was the first time I realized that the "basic biology" arguments of transphobes were complete and utter bullshit. From that point, it was a cascade. As in, wait, if dynamic changes in gene expression aren't considered "biological" to them, then why am I believing anything they say about anything else? When they talk about gametes, and try to include infertile cis people in their definitions of biological sex by talking about what gamete you're "intended" to make, what do they even mean? Why does my current gene expression not define that "intent"? And wait, back up, why is the brain suddenly not considered part of our biology? Why are neurological differences suddenly not "biological"? Why can we say someone's thinking patterns aren't "biological"?

Backing up even further, why does any of this matter more than psychological gender, or sociological gender? If the way we navigate society is gendered, that affects a lot of our lives, and we're just throwing that away?

Basically, being educated about how deep the biological changes of HRT really go was the first domino to fall when I worked through my internalized transphobia.

This is one of many reasons why I hate, hate HATE the concession that uninformed allies and even many trans people themselves give: "well NO ONE is saying that you can change your biological sex, sex and gender are completely unrelated, sex is binary and gender isn't!!!!!"

Well. I am saying that you can change your "biological" sex, I am saying that biological sex isn't binary, and I am saying that misunderstanding of those points has set back transgender advocacy. It makes medical decisions surrounding us less informed, it poisons conversations about how we interact with society, and it makes trans people feel like their gender and sex are less "real" than cis people's.

Not to mention the horrific way it discards intersex people from the conversation entirely.

Recently, I've seen this point enter the mainstream a little, by using intersex people and variation of sex in other species as a "counterargument" to "binary biological sex" thinking. It still doesn't sit right with me. One, because it uses intersex people as a prop for trans advocacy while not actually addressing the needs of either group. And two, because it completely disregards that your current biology and physiology is not 100% predestined from birth, and using people who were "born this way" as a prop does absolutely nothing to increase people's acceptance of trans people who change their biology later in life.

Ugh. This got away from me but yeah. That's my sipping coffee ramble for this morning. If anyone wants to add comment or correct me on discourse here, please do. Especially if you're intersex- this is all the observations of a perisex trans woman.

[whore-ibly-hot]

"What it takes to lead."

Yan!Dictator x Fem!Reader x Yan!Next in line.

18+ Minors DNI

Warnings: Non-con, mentions of violence, fascism, groping, p-in-v sex, sexism, questionable father son Dynamics, power dynamics, leather play.

AN: I recently began reading @yanderedrabbles works and they broke my brain, so when I saw they had a Yan!Dictator planned it inspired me. This is... meh.

You don't know how this could've happened.

It was supposed to be a routine visit. Your father was a well off oil baron, owning one of the largest refineries in America, not counting his export deals. You had gone with him, unaware of the tense political state of Dela Marina.

Admittedly, the American government was somewhat aware of the rulers less than conventional methods of maintaining control. Camps, strict surveillance, and a cutting off of outside media aside from those approved by the Dela Marina Media council, but for America's political interests, and more importantly your father's bank, the warnings signs went ignored.

It started off as just a nice, tropical vacation. White sand beaches, exotic meals, and a blaring tan from the sun. However, something soon seemed a bit off. The leader, El presidente Ramon Ballesteros, gave you chills. He said nice things, talked about his vision for Dela Marina, how he would shape the land and people to 'true culture'. It would be inspiring, if his faze didn't feel so dark, so imposing. It was as if hew was analyzing everything, every move you made.

Still, Féliz calmed you a bit. The son of Ramon, as close to a prince as you could be in this 'democracy'. He was nothing like his father. Quiet, more subdued, though just as analytical. His father takes thing in while he speaks, but Feliz stays behind, letting his father do the talking.

"Hello there, señorita." Feliz had approached you the night of the welcome dinner, a lavish affair with Del Marina's finest chefs on hand. "My father wanted me to welcome you personally, we are both youths, uh, leader of the future, he says. Your countries, and mine." He seems awkward repeating his father propaganda. Despite this, you like him. He's funny, he tells you about growing up in Del Marina, about the culture, the people. "You have to go to the beach with me, there all white sand. Is beautiful, and if we go early enough, we can see the starfish beach." You took him up on all his outings, you could tell he was deeply alone, at his core.

"Feliz?" You had asked once. "Do you... get out much? I mean, I'm one for decadence. Whole point of having a daddy with money is spending it." You laugh. You were privileged. You knew it, you embraced it. You had never had to worry about anything, never had a reason to loop beyond at the suffering of the others. Why focus on all that?

"No, I don't. It's tense, in Del Marina. Their are Terroristas, rebels. Mis padre would rather me be here, where its safer. Besides, partying isn't for me. I have to learn how to lead, to study and to help people. My people." He'd explained, fiddling with the white pressed uniform he so often wore, a less refined and adorned version of his fathers. "Loosen up." You had suggested. "We can have some fun, we're friends now, yeah? Let's go party!" Feliz had never wanted really to go to a club, to spend time with the privileged people while he knew others, those being exploitated, were suffering. But you were so, so pretty, and the only friend he felt he had. You made him feel special, not for bring the son of the president, or 'Del Marina's future'. You made him feel special for being him. He agreed.

He was terrified when you both snuck out, naturally it didn't take long for the guards to drag the both of you back to the palace, you kicked and yelled while he went quietly. He feared his father would turn his anger to you, he was ready to take the brunt of the anger. However, his father seems amused. You laugh along with his dad, not sensing the chilling undertone.

"Your son, and the american girl, Presidente." A guard said, bowing, hand over hid chest. "They were seen heading to a club on the north side."

"Ah, let them go." Ramon grins, waving a hand as the guards back off. "Kids, ey? Even at twenty, they still can't help.but wander off. It's good, independence. To think, to have fun. Kids behave this way, it's expected. Dismissed." The guards leave, and he steps down to you. "I ought to thank you, you know? No one has ever gotten my son quite so out of his shell. Feliz, I've tried to inspire that boldness in you, I suppose I didn't realize it would take such a lovely young lady to do so." Felix goes red, looking down. He knows this is a facade, and still can sense the danger in the room. Ramon takes your hand, kissing it. "But i should have known, he is his fathers son, and we are both red blooded men, yes?" He chuckles to himself.

"I didn't mean any harm, I just wanted to have some fun. And I thought maybe Feliz needed a friend." You mumble, heels scuffing the floor awkwardly. Still; you aren't sorry. "He needed a break. To live."

The president goes silent, but then nods, laughing with his arms going. "Of course! Dis boy of mine, always with the working, he wants to be like his papa. It's honorable, but a young man still needs to let loose while he's young. Next time, all I ask is you take an escort. These terroristas planning Del Marina won't care about your intentions, just the message hurting you would send." His gaze grows serious, and you gulps.

"Ah, y-yeah. I'll keep that in mind." You look down, stepping away. "I'll probably go to bed, I've had enough fun. Goodnight, Presidente." He smiles, watching as you turn to Feliz. The tan boy looks through his dark locks, trying to hide his obvious flush from his father. You didn't need any reason to be made to stay here, and he knew his dad. "Night, Feliz." You call, and he just sends you a weak wave. Worried you upset him, you scurry off. The moment you slip out of the heavy wooden door of the presidente's office; his happy and jovial expression falls, mask melting away.

"Why this sudden change in you?" "Papa, please, I didn't mean anything by it, it was all my idea-" His fathers raised hand silences him. "Enough, Feliz." Ramon sighs, strolling to his desk cabinets, hand running across the mahogany surface as he opens up a velvet box, pulling out a bottle of scotch. "I didn’t lie to you, I'm not angry. I wish that your judgment had not been blinded and you had simply brought a guard-" He pours to crystal glasses, the brown liquid filling the clear, ornate glasses. "But I'm proud none the less. You made a choice, a bold one. Hm, we drink, you're becoming a man!"

Feliz winces at the glass sliding towards him, but knows his father won't take no gore an answer. "It was nothing, Papa. Just a quick outing, she was bored and I went with."

"Oh-ho, it was more than that, my son. It's okay, I'm older, but I'm still a man. I'm not immune to the charms of a woman. She is beautiful, no?" Ramon takes a sip, relishing in the burn of the drink. "This is the real infatuation you've had, isn't it."

"Its not an infatuation, she's a friend and-" His father glares, he knows he hates liars. "I... I like her, of course. But its nothing serious, no more than a crush."

"Even a crush is serious for a stoic, quiet man like you, Feliz." His dad leans forward to lift his chin up a bit. "I've never seen you take to anyone like this, that's what makes it serious." Harshly patting the young man's cheek, he leans back. "Her Father is a great ally, a man willing to buy the vast amount of oil our country has. It would be incredible for Del Marina to seal a deal like this, to lock something down. And Feliz, I know you want what's best for the country." Once again, hisbfather cold demeanor returns, shifting from joviality frighteningly fast. "So, I tell you to pursue it."

"I don't even know if she feels that way about me, a-and I couldn't ask her to stay in some foreign country!" Feliz is spouting every excuse he can think of, to push you away, push his fathers implications away, to keep you safe from the truth. The dangers of Del Marina, of his father government and more importantly, his father. Another withering look makes him nod. "I'll... ask her out. See if she'll accompany me to the press gala." He mumbles obediently.

"Good boy. Go, get some rest." He pats his sons shoulder. "And remember, Feliz,-" He chides, turning away and taking another sip, back to the future of Del Marina. "Ballesteros's take what they want."

Lying in bed, the grandness of his room feels imposing. As cold and lonely as ever, his own oil portrait staring back at him. He never liked the commissioned piece. It felt... fake. An image of his, posed by a map, in his uniform, looking like his father. Just. Like. His. Father. The sound of a creaking door makes him sit-up, and he only feels the discomfort in his stomach grow as he sees your form slipping into his room, clad only in pajamas that cling to you. Despite the terror he feels, the pulse of arousal in his gut is prominent too. He grabs his silk pillow, covering up a growing problem as he sees you approach.

"You can't be here, w-what are you doing?" He asks.

You just shake your head and laugh. "Please, it's fine. Your dad made it clear he likes me, and I wanted to check on you." You plop down unceremoniously, groaning at the feeling of the luxurious sheets on your body. "Shit, that's good."

"Go, you have to go-"

"Are you mad at me?" You ask, pouting as you turn to face him. Hes cute when he's nervous, brows furrowed and dark hair tousled. His hands grip the sheets. "Cmon. I'm sorry if I upset you, I just wanted to have fun!"

"I know, I know." he shakes his head. "I'm not mad at you, I was excited. It's just that you don't know my papa like I do. He always has a plan, a motive, for anything he does. And i don't want you getting caught up in something you shouldn't."

You frown, but ignore his warning. "Nah, he likes me, it's fine. I'm not scared of some politician, no different than my dad-"

"No." Hes dead serious, seeing the soft, sweet man so serious makes you pale, gulping. "You have no idea what he's like. What our country is really like, I-" He puts a fist over his mouth, rubbing at his face. "Please. Just try to keep your head down. Okay?" Nodding, and cold at the severity of his sudden change, you scoot closer.

"Okay, okay." You put your hands up in mock defense. "I'm sorry, I'll keep in line. I just wanted to check on you." I pat his arm. "Didn't want you mad at me."

He relaxes at the feeling of your slumped, warm weight against him. "No, I couldn't be mad at you, amiga. You're one of the... few friends I have, even in the short time I've known you. I just don't want you hurt."

"I like you too, Feliz." You murmur, and the simple admission is enough to make his heart palpitate. He grips the sheets, before slowly putting a hand on you. "Go, you should get back to your room. I'll see you tomorrow."

Watching as you pad across the floor, he coughs. "And... there's a gala, coming up. A media event for father and yours to be shown getting along. If you... if you wanted to go. With me."

"Who else would I go with, Feliz?" You tease, making him just look down, nodding.

So how did it end up as this? You're stuck up in the room given to you at the Presidente's estate, it had once felt so grand but now felt suffocatingly small. A deal had been struck, something went wrong when you had been seen at the gala. Media went wild, rumors flew about the pretty new girl spotted alongside Dela Marina's darling prince. And Ramon approached your father with an offer. You don't know what it was, or why he'd agree to it, but it culminated in your father jetting off; leaving you behind.

"Please, please- I don't understand-" You whine, hands shaking and skin slicked with nervous sweat as you see guards sealing up the doors of your room. Trapped. "Presidente Ramon-"

"Shh." His gloved hand pressing a finger to your lips silences you, eyes wide. It is now you are beginning to see the side of the Dela Marina presidente you had heard of. Calculated, cruel. "There's no need to panic, little American darling. It's not like your losing any luxuries you had back home, perhaps you are even gaining some. Both me and your father think this is best, a joining of powers. Now, he was hesitant." Ramon rolls his eyes. "But you are a fierce little thing, and I told him you'd get a bit more discipline here. I doubt he was strict enough in your upbringing. Not that a spark isn't amusing, señora. It's charming at times." His smirk is that of a lion looking over it pray.

"You see," he intertwines his fingers together as he sits down at the foot of the four poster bed beside you. "My son. He loves you. He'll say it's a crush, but a father knows his son. He's always been good, my boy. Never asked for things, never taken what he wanted like he should. This is a push in the right direction for him. To make him make a move. I expect you like him as much?"

"I mean, I don't, I don't know-" You're stammering, hands shaking. It's all crashing down, overwhelming. The feeling of absolution in his town, of finality, is bone chilling. "He's my friend?"

"Ah, well, that's only his own fault. He has trouble taking initiative, and I dont fault you either." He sits up straighter. "Im a traditionalist, like my father and his before him. Of course it should be the man who propositions the young lady, but my son-" he waves his hand. "Has this idea in his head, silly notions about the changing of culture. I am fine with most of it, but a wife and children? Being the man for your family, for your country. No, that I will never budge on."

"Papa!" The heavy door slams open, with a frantic Feliz standing in the now open doorway. "What are you doing, why is she here-"

"Ah, my boy. Come, sit. Me and your friends father had been talking, she'll be staying for a bit. Good news, ay? Now, I'm sure you've got something you'd like to say-"

"Y-you can't do this, she doesn't belong here, papa-" Feliz juts his hands forward to help you, to try and think of a way out of this. "Are you okay? Did your father leave-"

"Feliz!" Ramon's voice booms across the room, causing both of you to still like deers caught in headlights. "Calm yourself, I'm helping you along in making a decision you are unable to make yourself. You will be grateful, and apologize."

It's shocking to see how Feliz shrinks, to see how his dad treats him behind closed doors. "I- I'm sorry, Papa. I just didn't want her in distress. I didn't want her feeling confused." He mutters, head down like an obedient hound.

"Of course, and that's admirable, but you should put more trust in your father to know I’ve already explained the situation. Now come here, come." He waves his son over, and the pair stand near you on the bed. "Tell her. Of your feelings, take charge."

"I-" Theyoung man is trying not to hyperventilate, hands gripping his white uniform short like he's staving off a seizure. "I like you, you know this. I feel emotions for you that no one else had made me feel, and-and if you'd have me-" he sounds like he's ready from a script, eyes clenched shut.

"Not if. Be assertive." His father hisses. "Tell her she is to be yours. Tell her your feelings are strong enough you won't be denied. Tell her what you can provide given your status." He's glaring like a schoolteacher scolding a naughty pupil, and the shaking boy nods.

"When- when you decide I am right for you, I'll provide what you need. Our country has vast resources, and wealth for you to enjoy. You would want for nothing." Its monotone, like an audio book, like it's pre-recorded. Seeing his fathers fist clench, he moves to kiss you lightly. As he approaches, he whispers a soft "I'm so sorry-" as he places warm, slightly chapped lips onto yours. Shocked, but to afraid to not play along, you kiss back. It's soft, it would be intoxicating if the sense of impending doom didn't weigh so heavy, being moved like dolls in a dollhouse.

"That was nice, Feliz." You can think only to reassure him, hand landlord on his neatly pressed shirt. "Very nice, I like you too, of course." You tuck his hair behind his ear, seeing the way his lip wobbles, his eyes water. He's so guilty, he never should have spoken to you.

"Wonderful." His body is jolted by a slap to the back, his father laughing. "Good man, now, shall I leave you kids alone? I'm sure you'll want time to yourself. Son, you understand what a man must take from his woman, yes?"

"I... our relationship is new, papa. I can't. I-I-" He pauses. "I won't, I won't do it. I can't, I wouldn't know how and I dont want her to do anything she doesn't want."

Ramon scoffs. "She's agreed to be yours son, go on! Of course she wants it, don't you, pequeña?" Ramon gestures to where you're laid, looking at you expectantly. When you say nothing, he raises his brows in suprise. "Unbelievable. I set the two of you up for every opportunity and you can't do that. Son," he grabs Feliz's shoulder roughly. "We are men. Conquerors, rulers. We take what we want, lions from lambs. How can you expect to lead, to protect this great country from terroristas if you cannot ask your woman for what all hot-blooded men desire!" He's growing angry, truly mad, his usual cool annoyance heating up. "You have to learn if you don't take what you want, someone else will. Your land, your power, your woman."

"Papa, please-"

"No. I have to do everything my self with you. I'm going to show you what happens if you don't take the first step." He changes his eyes to you, your cowering form. "Strip, girl." You're eyes widen, head shaking on instincts.

"What, no, no, I'm not going to-"

"The choice is not yours. I've got guards outside, you're in my country. In my home." He comes to the bedside, leaning down so he's practically nose to nose with you, dark brown eyes feel like a pool you're drowning in, swallowed whole. "The only thing you are in control of now is how gentle I am, sí?" You're still frozen, just shaking your head over and over again, resulting in him sighing. It's a minor annoyance to him, like he's not violating you but rather just dealing with a disobedient pup. "Everything by myself." He repeats.

Gloved hands brush across your collarbone, cool leather causing a trail of goosebumps to blossom on your skin. He jerks his hand back, tearing the buttons on your dress. The front pops open, buttons clattering to the floor with a 'tink-tink'. Feliz winces, hand to his mouth in horror.

"Papa, please, please don't..." He begs, voice as soft and light as he can make it. He was a good father when he was little. Doting, he'd comfort him when he cried, take him on little outings. A part of Feliz hopes that softer voice would remind him of the boy he once was, that he'd give in.

"This is what happens son, you don't take initiative, someone gets there before you." Ramon feels you squirm a bit and tightens the grip he's got on your left arm, gaze never leaving his son as he warns you. "Don't squirm, girl." He warns. "You're a lady, not some groveling worm, hold still, I'll get to you in a moment."

"Can I talk her through it?" Feliz asks. "Let me be by her side, or at least... I don't know!" He begs. Ramon tilts his head, then nods. "Alright. Second best option is getting in where you can. Rising through the ranks, get over here." Feliz scrambles to get to your other side. "Now, let's get this off." Ramon grabs the blade he keeps on his waistband at his side, pressing the cold still to your pretty skin while he cuts the lace straps of your bra off. "Aw, beautiful. Shame to hide such beautiful breasts away, without a man to reveal them." He coos. Rough lips place a kiss to your left nipple, making you whimper. "Just beautiful. Feliz, take it in. Your first woman."

Feliz is staring, both horrified at his biological reaction and awe struck at the sight of your newly revealed breasts. He'd stared many a time when they were covered, to see them exposed in front of him was a new feelings entirely. He reaches out, letting a breath he didn't know he was holding escape as he gropes your left tit.

"There we go, it's good, yeah? A woman's body is a miraculous thing." Groaning, he leans down and kisses up and down softly the nape of your neck. "Don't stay quiet, let me hear those pretty noises, girl." He whispers

"I don't, this can't happen, presidente. I don't want this." You whisper, and he just chuckles, looking up at you from his place on your chest. "Ah, amor, but you will."

A sudden pressure on your ass makes you squeak, his hands groping the meat of your ass firmly, sure to leave bruises. "Don't speak back to me, ey? Lay back and enjoy what a man in power can offer you, girl. And call me Ramone." He grins. "There's no need for formalities when I'm going to have you speared on my cock."

Feliz grimaces at the way your eyes water, so afraid. But not only can he not help, he's so horrendously turned on. Your heaving breasts, wide eyes and flushed cheeks. You're a picture of eroticism, and the hardening in his shorts is a clear sign that the part of him desiring you is winning him over. He watches his father roll you over, gloved fist kneading the cheeks of your ass.

"Just a short reminder to not talk back. To behave."

A sharp pain makes you yelps, a harsh slap to your ass. Immediately after delivering the blow, his gloved hand massages to red mark. "See? Even when in the throws of sex, you should exercise your control, my boy. Let her know you are in charge, regardless of their pleasure she is providing you." He scoots aside, petting half while looking at Feliz. Feliz swallows harshly, but hovers his hand lightly over your plump rear. Another squeak, as he delivers a softer, albeit still harsh spank. "Make sure she's okay now. A firm hand, not a cruel one."

Feliz shaky hand gently rubs the mark, mimicking Ramon's actions, and he leans down to whisper in your ear. "Not too much, right? It wasn't too much? You-" He's trying to justify himself, why he feels so aroused by all this, by you. "You liked it, right?"

You're shocked, but as you shake your head no, another slap. The gentle kneading afterwards does little to relieve the pain. You know not to protest. "It's fine." You whisper.

Feliz wouldn't normally believe you, he'd hear the pain in your voice, the tremble. He'd want to sooth you, but he was so unbelievably needy in those moment, for for relief and to believe you were happy with him. That this was a good, intimate moment between the two of you, without his fathers direction, without force. Thid was the moment he trusted himself, his virginity to you. He just smiles weakly at your statement that it's okay.

"So pretty, let's get these off of you, huh?" You can feel the gloves leather, once cool, now hot against your skin he snaps your pantie strap against your hip, making you flinch. "Hm, I bet you've had plenty of men. A rich privileged American girl, spending your papas money. Does he know, know that your a slut, or is he too busy?"

"I've only been with a few guys..." you weakly protest. "From... club and stuff."

"A few too many. If any proper man had had you, he'd be sure you only ever took his cock, allowed him inside of you." Once again grabbing that knife, he slides the blade across the strap he had previously snapped, the fabric tearing and loosening. "Beautiful..." he runs his finger over the lips of your pussy, puffy from arousal. He lets you feel each wrinkle in the leather of his gloves, before spreading your lips apart, strings of slick snapping.

Feliz feels his mouth is watering, your mouth watering, your most bare part vulnerable for him. He can't stop himself from cupping your mound, letting his fingers curiously trail up to your clit. You let out a reluctant moan at the feeling; and he just leans down to kiss your cheek. "You're so pretty. A-and you're doing so well..." Making sure his father is distracted, he whispers in your ear. "Im sorry our first time together had to be like this, but... its still nice, right?" He's still in denial about the horrors of his actions. "You still get to feel good, and you get to be with me. This... this is what we both want..."

"Feliz..." You whimper, but he just shakes his head. "No, don't tell me it's not. I can't handle that right now." Despite his good nature, Feliz has always been given what he wanted. He cant help but feel selfish, ask you not to hurt his feelings or overwhelm him while your the one being violated. He'll reflect on that later. His lips, slightly chapped, press hot against yours, once, then twice. "That was my first." He admits. "Wouldn't want it to be anyone but you."

Suddenly, his father grabs his collar, pulling me back a bit. "Come now, boy. Clear out, I need my time now."

Feliz pales. "Papa?" He's visibly confused. "You said... take what I want, be a leader, not a follower. I thought you'd be giving her to me, that I'd be having sex with her! You said a man should let his woman be only with him from the moment he decides he wants her?" His tan hands are shaking, flushed face a mix of embarrassment and frustration. All he wants is to tenderly relieve the pressure in his shorts with you, and as he sees his father let out a 'tsk', his frustration increases.

"But that doesn't apply, does it? She's had other men before, and she's not a true, proper woman of our country. If nothing else, it's better I be sure she's even worth it. It's not simply sex, this could be the woman you choose to lead alongside, boy." His father cold glare makes him shrink back, sliding off the bed.

"But, isn't it a test of my leadership that I take her first-"

"You wouldn't question your papa?" Ramom hisses, and Feliz wilts. He can't make eye contact with you as he leaves the room. When it's him violating you, he can at least pretend you feel safer because it's him, that you like it. But its his father, a ruthless dictator, and stranger. As he leaves and makes his way down the hall, he's determined to be ready to cater for you when it's all over.

Back in the room, you remain a trembling mess, watching the much older man removing his belt with a practiced speed. "Please don't, sir-" You ask. "I don't feel comfortable, I don't-"

"You should feel grateful." He reminds. "To have both the attentions of a leader and his son. I understand it might be frightening, you know the kind of man I am. How i stay in power, I've tricked your father but I've no doubt that boy of mine has admitted some things to you." As he removes white dress pants and dispenses of his gloves on the nightstand, he grips your chin with now-bare fingers. Calloused; from years of clawing his way to the top. "You aren't stupid. That's one of the things I admire about you, girl. Smart, if a bit spoiled. That's fine, respect can be taught, a place can be taught. Natural intelligence can be harder to develop."

"Why me?" You blurt. "Why are you forcing me into this, you could have any woman, I'm not even close to your age, a-and Feliz, Feliz likes me!" You hope to garner even a bit of sympathy for his son in this moment, hoping it would prevent him going all the way.

"He does not 'like' you, he loves you." He says matter-of-factly. "Which is precisely why this has to be done. You will be in the public eye, the first lady of this great country. I need to know you can be submissive, can provide as a wife should. But... I also need to know you can be taught, can take orders. My boy, he is-" Ramon shakes his head. "Meeker than I would like, despite my efforts. I need to know even with his less than firm hand that he can ensure you behave. And ones true colors come out in the bedroom, I find."

He pounces, baring down rather suddenly, grip on your jaw near crushing as his free hand strokes once, then twice over his cock; brown with a curve to it and a purple tip. "But, I am also not a liar. I admit the idea of having a beautiful young woman around my manhood isn't-" he nips are your ear, breath hot yet making you feel frigid with fear. "Intoxicating."

"It's been a long time." You whisper, and he feigns a caring pout. "Ah, I'm sure. Don't worry, I won't let you hurt. But remember, this is about taking orders. First, take me in your hands. I doubt you're inexperienced in this, so don't feign naivety." His voice is low, threatening. Despite the churning feeling of sickness, you take his length in one shaky hand, wrapping round the erect shaft, and refusing to meet his gaze.

"Good. Go on now, kiss it, just the tip. I want to see you practice restraint, just because you don't want this doesn't mean I will rush." He warns. Your plush lips gently press the bulbous tip, you can feel a shiver run up him as you do. Testing the waters and desperate to get it over with, you slowly slip in the tip, tongue pressing against the vein under his cock. He doesn't thrust, not allowing you to take hin in fully; but the clenching in his jaw shows the effect it's having.

"Wonderful..." He groans. "Very good, take a little more, yes? I know you can, shit-" He rolls his hips, the salty flavor of skin filling your mouth further as you take him in deeper. "Good, suckle. Suck the cock of El presidente-" He's beginning to get a bit lost in his praise of himself more than you.

Sloppy, wet sounds fill your ears, eyes screwed shut as a few tears slip from them. Ramon grunts, whispering another moan of pleasure before noticing and sighing. He wipes some tears with his thumb, licking up the salty water to your shock. "Don't cry, cariño. I'm not being cruel. I'm being rather gentle with your pretty mouth; no damaged goods here." He reminds. You can hear his grunts increasing in frequency, his cock twitching in your mouth, when he roughly threads his fingers in your hair and yanks you off his cock.

"Hands and knees, face away." He demands. "Don't make me wait." Your knees dig into the silk of the bed, assuming an easily mountable position. Once again, you make a final plea. "Please-" Your voice sounds as though it could shatter. "Don't hurt me."

To your suprise, you can feel him freezing behind you, and hear a deep sigh. You scre your eyes tight as you feel him assume position behind you, leaky cock pressing against your folds as his chest, still clad in his white dress shirt, presses against your bare spine. One hand holds himself up, while the other takes your chin from behind, gentler than his initially grip. He places a few small kisses mixed with nibbles against the flushed shell of your ear.

"Being a leader-" he begins, "Is not easy. Being the wife of one, even more so. There is danger, societal expectations, and constant decisions that must be made. But know this, my touch is not something you need to fear, cariño." He's uncharacteristically tender now, and that frightens you more.

He finishes his speech with a kiss to the back of your neck, before sighing as he eases his tip into your wet folds.

"Ah-" You whine, it's thick, but it doesn't fully hurt. He's tender, he kept his promise. "Feel that? The stretch of a true Dela Marinan man?" He asks, working his way in a bit deeper. His balls, heavy, slowly crawl closer to the lips of your cunt as he further enters, groaning.

"Beautiful. Mmph, you don't have the makings of a first lady." He firstly pulls out, before sheathing fully again. "You're practically sucking me in, girl. You were made to take a Dela Marinan man, god-" His pace increases, gripping your hips as the thrusts.

"Are you close?" He asks. "Can you feel that coil of pleasure within you? Go on, release. Cum when the man controlling you demands."

Letting out a final mewl mixed with a sob, you can feel yourself beginning to spasm, walls twitching as a gush of fluids coats his cock. In a display of impressive control, though not surprising for the cold blooded president, he removes his angry cock without finishing. Quickly tucking himself away, back into his boxers, he towels the sweat from his brows as he appraises your fucked-out form. "You have the makings of a good wife. There is more to teach certainly, but there will be time for that. Though-" He tilts his head as if in deep contemplation, before leaning down to press a rather full kiss to your sweat-soaked form. It's passionate, surprisingly so, and he had held back from something that intimate so far. "As much as I love that boy of mine, I wonder if he is man enough to deserve a woman like you." He whispers, before pulling away and rather curtly leaving.

You can hear what sounds like voices in the hall, and soon two female attendants come to wipe you up. You're took sore to protest, and as they scurry out, the hurried footsteps of Feliz replace the noise they made. A look of worry fades slowly when he sees you, looking tired but mostly unharmed. He's got a glass of water in hand, a piece of chocolate, and other random medicine cabinet items. It's clear he was unsure what a woman would need for aftercare, and just took everything.

"I'm here, it's okay now." You can't even bring yourself to tale comfort in the words of your friend. You wanted him to have saved you, yet the most emotion he showed during the ordeal was learning he couldn't have you first. You just lay silent, still. He lays down beside you, fully clothed, curling into your side like a child seeking their mother's comfort. He pulls the sheets over you, kissing your forehead before closing his eyes.

"It'll be better next time." He promises. "It'll be me." That hardly soothes the pain.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

3 Types of Neck Kisses

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Summary: Here are the 3 different ways Bucky kisses your neck.

Warning: light smut - fingering and p in v

Lovingly

It's late and you don't want to fall asleep. You just want to enjoy this moment with Bucky. Now with him campaigning to be the next Congressman, he's hardly home. You don't see him much and miss him like crazy, but you can't fault him for this.

You're cuddled up into Bucky now. The tv in your shared bedroom plays on low volume. He face is nuzzled into your neck and you feel his breath on your skin. Your arms are wrapped around him, fingers running through his hair that has him purring like Alpine.

His own arms are wrapped around you as well. He tightens his hold on you, pulling you even closer to him. He presses kisses onto your neck and mumbles, "Love you, baby," as he peppers more kisses along your neck.

You let out a content sigh and mumble back, "I love you too, Bucky."

Sexily

You didn't let him have his way with you when you stepped out of the bedroom earlier. The dress you picked out for tonight's charity event clung to you in delicious ways, yet still created a classy aura around you.

You couldn't help but snicker as Bucky's eyes raked down your body, "Down boy. We're going to be late and this is your event."

He pouted, "Baby-"

You shook your head, "Nope. Besides, I spent all this time to look pretty, I don't want it to go to waste. Now let's go."

Now, it's well into the night. Bucky's already said his piece, thanking all of the sponsors, donations, and attendees for the night. Then the dancefloor opened up, more drinks started flowing, which meant no one would notice Bucky dragging you to the nearest unoccupied room.

As soon as you enter the room, Bucky shuts the door, locking it behind him. He presses you against the door, hiking up your dress, "Been teasing me all night in this fucking dress," he presses a desperate kiss to your lips and groans when he realizes, "Fuck, no panties either?"

"Surprise," you reply with a smirk and the man moans into your neck. He kisses and nips into your skin as he wraps your leg around his waist. His metal fingers rub at your clit.

You grip at the lapels of his suit jacket, "Buck-"

"Just wanna make sure you're ready for me, baby. Been trying to hide this hard on for hours," he murmurs into your skin.

"Been dripping for you since we got here."

"Naughty girl," he says as he bites into your neck and slowly enters you. You gasp at he fills you and do your best to keep quiet while he fucks you.

Comforting

The assassination attempt wasn't expected. He thought that after everything he's done, even being a close friend to both Captain America's, people's view of him would be better.

Obviously he was wrong.

Being shot at was nothing new to him, but you? It was foreign territory. You've never been a part of that side of Bucky's life. You never had to fight aliens or enhanced individuals. You were a complete civilian, so of course you'd take this a lot harder than him.

Bucky hated it.

Now you were plagued with nightmares of him being shot and it broke his heart whenever he woke to you whimpering in your sleep, crying for him.

"No, no, please," Bucky hears you say as he stirs from his slumber, "Bucky, no," he hears again.

He scoops you into his arms, "Darlin', I'm here. I'm here, baby. It's okay," he whispers, wiping your tears away with his vibranium arm.

Your face scrunches and then your eyes blink open. Eyes red and watery, you rasp out, "Bucky?"

"You were having another nightmare, sweetheart."

You groan, rolling away from him, wanting to hide, "I'm sorry."

He pulls you close, spooning you from behind, "Don't be. I'm sorry you had to witness that. I'm used to being shot at, but you-I wish you never witnessed that." He leans in, kissing the back of your neck, "But I'm here, sweetheart. I'm safe." he tightens his hold on you.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't ever be sorry for this." He kisses your neck again, "I love you, I'm here. I'm here, baby. I'm safe."

He continues to repeat these words to you, while kissing your neck, reminding you that your nightmares are just that, nightmares.

[iustuspeccator]

I'm OBSESSED with the Council of Nicaea. It's spring of 325. Christianity has been legal for 12 years. Constantine wants a unified religion for the Empire but the church has already schismed three different ways in the 3 centuries since the death of Christ, and legalization ITSELF causes a schism. They don't even all agree that being a legal religion is good. Now they're schisming about the nature of Christ. He can't persecute them into agreeing and Lord knows he's tried.

So Constantine calls all the bishops to his fucking summer resort, on the imperial dime. 280-318 bishops are going to argue about if the Logos (Christ) was "eternally begotten" or the first creation of God. Santa Claus is going to punch Arius in the face for saying the Logos was created. While we're here, let's set a date for Easter, which we also never pinned down. And we have to decide if eunuchs can be ordained because EVERYTHING HAS ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY.

I've been to church conferences. I lose it every time I think about this. Bishops coming into Nicaea tired from the road (travel's a curse). Rural bishops coming to the seat of power for the first time. There's one guy who doesn't understand Robert's Rules and another guy who won't stop bringing up points of order. Someone's sleeping through all the speeches; he's just happy to be on vacation at the emperor's summer resort. The decision made here will form the closest thing Christianity has to a universal declaration of faith for the next 1700 years and it's going to take THREE MONTHS and we have to do it again in 6 years

I'm fancasting my Nicaea movie as we speak

[victusinveritas]

comment that I'm replying to from @twinitiate:

-I lost my original comment because I clicked the wrong button, but... To my knowledge, the CIA never really made that much of an effort to hide their involvement (setting up little nationalist 'democratic' revolutions was just kind of what they did, for funzies and practice before the Big Nationalist Capitalist Democratic Uprising that knocked over Russia and...that didn't really go off like that but the Company could dream as it killed lots of innocent people in the process--the Soviets did the same thing where possible, it's what empires, regardless of their political bents, do to other empires).

Want to read a depressing book about this? Yes, you do (blog review here). Check out The Cold War's Killing Fields by Paul Chamberlin (review from The Nation here) or another book by Luthi (Cold Wars) To my knowledge, there isn't evidence (yet) linking Nagy to the CIA, he just got caught holding the bag. The Dulles Bros were definitely whispering in the ears of everyone involved that, "sure, now that the Secret Speech happened and Rákosi is being a total dictator [accurate, the guy was fucker, though not nearly as bad as his predecessor], like Stalin-level man, Comrade Khrushchev will totally be cool, like so cool man, with you forming a National Communist government that is more Hungarian than it is Soviet and maybe getting out of the Warsaw Pact and just being neutral in everything and then we'll totally help you out, man." Because that's what Voice of America was there for, just...not too subtly pushing people to throw of the yoke of their oppressor if that oppressor ultimately happened to be Moscow (if it wasn't Moscow, was it really a yoke? Wasn't it just a country trying to best by all of its citizens through the democratic process).

Nagy and co proceed to have a revolution, which...goes well until the tanks show up, and then it goes bad. The CIA meanwhile kind of looks on and goes "Well yeah see the problem there was you didn't have any tanks of your own. No we're not going to provide them to you! That would start a war, with the USSR, we're not...doing that, openly, because that's bad. We're just...pushing you to do it. Ya know, for your own good. And when we said help you out, we meant help you out out, like out of the country, if you wanted to leave when the T-54s went from being hypothetical to very, very, very concrete. But like you have to get to the border first, we're...not actually going in anywhere dangerous, we just...don't do that. It's not that we can't, it's that we don't want to. Also, good to know you've got goddamn Slendermnagy Pál, he'll definitely scare the Russians, notoriously skittish around tall guys as some of them are." The CIA says all of this while smoking cigarettes that may or may not be just covered in LSD which you wouldn't think you could smoke but it was a different time.

The Hungarian Revolution, along with maybe the suppression of the Poznan Protests, some strike-breaking in the DDR with tanks (coal miners if I recall correctly), Prague 1968) gave the Soviets and their supporters the name "Tankies" (not incorrectly, turns out sending in tanks to crush protestors is kind of a douche move--then again, so is bombing Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia to glass and then encouraging genocides and disappearances (looks at history books) shit, everywhere). Stupid and vaguely related little family story: My father was born in 1943, and told me once about his experience listening to the radio in Catholic school (he would have been 13) taught by a Hungarian priest who was absolutely weeping over both the Hungarian Revolution being crushed and the US doing nothing to stop it. The same priest ran them through a "Was it good to bomb Hiroshima and Nagasaki?" scenario that pissed off some parents (because he was like, no probably not anyway and definitely not Nagasaki) who had served in WWII and saw the bombings as saving their lives (at the expense of people who 'had it coming anyway because of Pearl Harbor'). Anyhow, whenever my father talked about the Cold War he'd always both preface and end things with "Nobody won, everybody lost, to think there was a good guy (and that it might have been either America or the Soviet Union) was woefully naive."

Cartoon by Bill Mauldin.

Tankies forever vindicated as the declassified information about JFK shows that the Hungarian Revolution was indeed a CIA-sponsored color revolution

[cosmic-dust-poltergeist]

Idk, just a thought.

Bruce: WE DON'T KILL PEOPLE, JASON

Dick: Pfft okay

Bruce: What do you mean by that?

Dick: Just saying, for a family that "doesn't kill", we have a pretty high kill count

Jason: Whaaaa?

Dick: Yeah, all things considered, Cass has the lowest count. You'd know this if you talked to us

Bruce: Dick, what are you talking about?

Jason: Wait! Replacement has a kill count???

Dick: He holds the record for most kills currently

Bruce and Jason: WHAT?

Dick, a little too proud: He's going to be so scary when he embraces being a supervillain

Tim, appearing with a pout: Still not a supervillain. Stop saying that.

Dick, beaming: No

Jason: wait, wait, wait, how does he-?? When-?? But I'm a crimelord and Demon Brat was an assassin???? Just how many have you killed???

Tim, ignoring Bruce having a mental breakdown: I lost count after I blow up all of Ra's bases. But a couple thousand?

Jason, shocked: For real?

Dick: See! Baby supervillain!

Tim: I'm not a baby anything, asshole. I'm 19!

Jason: Damn, baby bird. Wait! Does this mean Bruce and you (Dick) have kills counts?

Dick, shrugs: Yeah, Slade still tries to recruit me occasionally because of it.

Tim: Yeah, and Bruce likes to pretend he doesn't, but he does. If we want to add all the people he put in states worse than death while you were dead, who later killed themselves because of it, it's an even bigger list.

Dick, guiltily frowns: I'm not sure I want to add those. My list would get a hell of a lot longer too.

Tim, shrugs: Not all kills are to be proud of.

Jason, flabbergasted: I think I need to process this... my life is a lie

Tim: Talk to Alfred, it'll help

Jason, gestures to the despairing Bruce: What about him?

Dick: We've actually discussed this several times in front of him before, if we set him up at the bat computer, the med bay, or in his room, he pretends the whole conversation was a hallucination or something

Jason: Seriously?

Tim, nodding: Damian is so salty about it

Dick, strong arming Bruce to the bat computer and opening Bruce's latest case: Dami'll understand eventually.

Jason: Man, I need to hang out with you fuckers more often

Dick: I've been telling you!

Tim: There's a lot you don't know that we won't be discussing here, come to my safe house in southend on Thursday. We're having a sibling hangout at 4pm

[womanofwords]

Everybody's Favourite (Part 1)

Everything turned upside-down when the principal pulled you out of class when you were seven years old. You'd been colouring nicely when she came in.

"Y/N, I'd like to talk to you," she said. "Could you come with me?"

"Have I done something wrong?" you asked.

"No, dear. Just get your stuff."

You collected your things and went with her, where a police officer was waiting. "Here's Y/N, officer," she said to him. That was when you learned, in a haze of horror, that your dear mother had died while you were colouring in class without a care in the world. Car accident.

"Not to worry, she made arrangements as to who would look after you in the event of this happening," the police officer said. "Your biological father . . . Bruce Wayne."

So off you went to your new home, away from your friends and old neighbourhood and everything you'd ever known, and towards the figure known as Bruce Wayne.

The first thing you noticed about your father was that he was, obviously, very rich. All his cars were the fancy ones you used to stare at with your mom when you would walk together.

When you arrived, you had all sorts of questions for your father. "How did you meet my mother? Why didn't you talk to me before this? Did you like spending time with her?"

"I'm rather busy, Y/N. I'll show you to your room," Bruce said, escorting you to a guest bedroom. "We can decorate it later."

Later never came.

After a few weeks, you met his other kids, Dick, Jason, Tim, Barbara, Cass, and Stephanie. They all looked so cool, like teenagers from a movie. But they always had to 'do stuff'.

"What kind of stuff?" you asked.

"They're a part of scholarships for gifted students," Bruce said, before any of them could say anything. "I happen to be privately tutoring them."

"Oh. So you spend time with them because they're talented?"

"You could put it that way."

That revelation lit a fire underneath you. If your father wanted talented kids, then you would have to be a talented kid.

In everything you could get your hands on.

You became a polyglot, devouring different languages like nobody's business. You took part in gymnastics, just like Dick, and also track. You got straight As in everything, forcing yourself to study night after night. You read the same classic books Jason loved so you could (hopefully) have something to bond with him over. You took some coding classes so you had something to talk about with Tim.

Alfred became a consistent source of comfort, bringing you food and making sure that you didn't over work yourself. He came to every event you had, loyally videotaping it for future viewing.

Nobody cared to look at the tapes. Nobody watched you collect your awards for fastest times, or graduate early as valedictorian. Nobody listened to your headmaster sing your praises as he listed your various scholastic accomplishments.

Damian was the worst. The moment he met you, it was clear that he would hate you until he died. He looked at you with such disgust, such contempt for your existence. Once, he cornered you with a katana that he held so close to your neck that you were cut. Another time, he sicced Titus onto you, leading to a nasty bite mark on your arms when you put them up to defend yourself.

"Titus mauling you would have been an improvement to the Wayne bloodline," he sneered, as you bawled your eyes out. "When are you going to get it through your simple-minded skull that we don't care what happens to you? It's annoying to hear you chatter to us and make conversation about being head of your class and breaking sports records. We all scoff about it when we're on patrol."

Your throat went dry. "Patrol?"

"Of course. Father, Dick, Jason, Stephanie, and myself all have our own alter egos. I am by my father's side cleaning the streets of scumbags as Batman and Robin while you are trying to be top of your stupid little class." He punched you in the stomach, hard. "Honestly, it's a relief to get away from you and your nauseating neediness."

Alfred came to console you after the fact, but he wouldn't hear a word against Damian for hurting you, or Bruce for letting it happen. "Master Damian has had a . . . difficult life, Y/N," he said. "And Bruce's childhood was by no means easy."

You gave up on your family after that. Nobody really wanted you, and Damian actively hated you.

You were nobody's favourite.

Part 1 <- You are here

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

[casscainmainly]

Do you think Cass believes in Steph? When Bruce was being all “stop hanging out with Steph, she’ll never be like us”, Cass listened to him but she was clearly conflicted.

This is an interesting question! It kind of depends on what you mean by 'believe in'. If you mean whether Cass believes in Steph's fighting abilities, the answer depends on what era we're talking about. Modern era, particularly Batgirls '22 onwards, I'd say Cass definitely believes in Steph:

Batgirls (2022) #4

Modern Steph-Cass is defined by a deep implicit trust in each other, and Cass acknowledges that Steph is strong. They're also sharing the Batgirl mantle, and Cass associates Batgirl with strength of all kinds, moral and physical. So safe to say Cass believes in Steph now.

Handing Steph the Batgirl mantle in Batgirl (2009) can be seen as a sign of belief too (and Steph herself takes it that way). The BIG caveat, of course, is that Bruce ordered Cass to give Steph the mantle. Bruce, as usual, complicates things - though I think part of Cass believed Steph would do well, it's tangled up in her grief and loyalty to Bruce. I'd classify this era as 'Cass does believe in Stephanie, but not wholeheartedly and if they had let Cass and Steph interact properly it would've been angsty'.

Then we get to the era you're talking about, which is Steph-Cass at its messiest. The issue you're referring to, Batgirl (2000) #38, does feature Cass going against Bruce's orders to hang out with Stephanie. They play rooftop tag, and when Steph misses a jump, Cass demonstrates for her and encourages her to try again:

And Steph makes the jump without Cass' help! Cass believes in Steph's tenacity and ability to overcome obstacles, otherwise she wouldn't have made Stephanie try again.

But it's important to note that, while Cass believes in Steph's strengths, that doesn't necessarily mean she believes in Steph's vigilante/fighting abilities. Cass forces Steph to stay on the roof while she fights some gangs, and when Steph enters the fight she knocks her out and drags her away. Then we get this moment:

Cass bluntly and unhesitatingly sides with Bruce here. She values Steph, and knows that Steph has strengths she does not possess, but she does not believe Steph will ever be on her and Bruce's level. This moment of betrayal will haunt the rest of their interactions until Steph's death.

I honestly think Cass' conflict at the beginning of the issue is less to do with her disagreeing that Steph's "not like [Cass]," and more to do with her enjoying Steph's company. In fact, Cass only agrees to hang out with Steph when she frames it as "play[ing]." Cass does not seriously try to refute Bruce's dismissal of Steph at all.

It leads to this really heartbreaking scene in Batgirl (2000) #55. Just look at Steph's expression :((((. Cass genuinely loves and cares for Stephanie, but she also contributed to the generally hostile atmosphere Steph faced at the time. I think here Cass just wants to keep Steph safe, but that doesn't negate how Steph is receiving this, nor the fact that Cass straight up told her before that she believes in Bruce's perception of her.

This thread is not really picked up on after Stephanie's death, and Steph in Cass' death hallucinations tends to be very idealised. Long story short, I think at the beginning Cass didn't believe in Steph fully, but after her death this changes and now she believes in Stephanie with all her heart. But because of Steph's death/the lack of a Steph-Cass reunion, there's a lot of gaps in this process. I think Brombal might (hopefully) pick up on all this though if Steph appears again in Batgirl (2024)!!

[willalove75]

Heya! Hope you and your family have been doing alright!!

Okay so Lady D request bc honestly, that woman has me in a chokehold. So I was thinking something along the lines of reader has been dating Alcina for years and one day when her and the girls are out Mother Miranda kinda just takes them for cadou experiments. They survive ofc but the mutation caused them to have a type of angelic appearance (aka wings everywhere. I was also thinking like more red tailed hawk like wings instead of crow like ones) but was deemed an unfit vessel for Eva for some reason or another and basically just kinda hands them back to Alcina after weeks of her and her daughters not fucking knowing where reader went at all??? Basically a reunion that’s super emotional. Angst/comfort with some tooth rotting fluff somewhere would be great, please and thank you

super sorry for the big request though— I just had a pretty good idea for the request I wanted to ask. Anywho, I hope you have an amazing rest of your day/night ^^

Thank you SO MUCH for this awesome request!!

I've been going through my inbox wanting to get some requests done since I've horrifically neglected all of my asks for so long and loved this one! I'm so sorry for taking FOREVER to answer this! (And sincere apologies to everyone else who dropped a request in my inbox that I haven't gotten to yet!)

Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: reader is kidnapped, murder, blood drinking.

"Do you guys have to go?" You ask Alcina with a hint of a whine in your voice.

Alcina clicks her tongue as she finishes applying her signature red lipstick.

"Unfortunately, we do, draga mea. Mother Miranda's orders." She says as she caps the lipstick and sets it down on her vanity.

Alcina turns towards you and scoops you into her arms, sitting you in her lap. You try and give her your best pout, but she gently kisses it away. Her lips travel down your jaw and you all but melt into her.

"I wish I could go with you. I hate when you all have to leave me all by myself here."

"I know, draga." Alcina says between kisses. "But we'll be back before you know it." You let out a low groan and Alcina chuckles into you. "Besides, I have a present for you that should keep you preoccupied while we're gone."

With your interest peaked, you pull back from Alcina and look up at her with curiosity in your eyes.

"You got me a present?"

"Of course I did, draga." Alcina says as she wipes the lipstick marks from your face and neck.

She adjusts the pendant of the necklace she gave you when you first started dating, admiring the Dimitrescu crest that sits proudly on your chest. You haven't taken the necklace off once since she gifted it to you and it warms Alcina's heart knowing how much you cherish something so important to her.

Alcina places you on the floor and stands up to make her way to her wardrobe. In the top drawer, she pulls out a book and hands it to you.

In your hands is a special edition of a new book series you've been eager to read. You trace the gorgeous patterns along the cover and look up at Alcina with wide eyes.

"Alcina, this is beautiful!" You say as your smile grows wide. "I thought Duke wasn't coming back for a few more weeks!"

"Well, I know how excited you were to start this book, so as soon as Mother Miranda informed me of the trip she wanted the girls and I to take today, I had the Duke make a special delivery."

Her thoughtfulness touches your heart and you wrap your arms around her long legs and bury your face into her dress.

"Thank you, thank you so much!"

Alcina lifts you into her arms so you can give her a proper hug and you quickly wrap your arms around her neck.

"I love you so much, draga mea." She whispers.

"I love you so much too, Alci. Thank you."

"Anything for you, my love."

The two of you hold each other in your arms for a few more moments before Alcina sets you down and you escort her downstairs. The girls meet you at the front door.

"Ready, girls?" Alcina asks.

"Yes, mother!" They reply in unison.

"Then we shall be off. Goodbye, draga. We should be back in time for supper. I hope you enjoy your novel." Alcina says as she bends down to your level.

"Bye Alci, I'll miss you guys. I love you." You say as you kiss her goodbye.

"Și eu te iubesc." Alcina whispers against your lips before she stands back up. (I love you too).

"Bye, y/n." Bela says as she gives you a hug goodbye.

"Bye, Bela. I hope you guys have a good time."

"We probably won't." Cassandra says as she gives you a hug.

"Oh stop." You say with a laugh, hugging her back.

"Bye bye!" Daniela says before pulling you in for a hug that's just a little too tight.

"Bye Dani." You say as you try and squeeze her back, even though you know the little strength you have doesn't affect her at all.

Alcina and the girls get into the carriage and you close the front doors. Stopping by the kitchen, you grab yourself a cup of tea before heading into the library.

The library has always been one of your favorite rooms in the entire castle. Before coming to the castle, you only owned a few books that were in rough shape before you started reading them. By the time you got here, they were being held together with nothing but tape and hope.

When Alcina started to court you a few years ago, she learned of your love of books and started gifting you gorgeous copies of both your favorites and hers. Ever since then you've been obsessed with keeping your books as pristine as possible. Going as far as not cracking the spines and god-forbid bending the corner of a page to keep your place. You've accumulated a small collection of bookmarks as well over the years.

Making yourself comfortable in one of the couches near the fireplace, you take a sip of tea before opening your book. The book sucked you in quickly and time seemed to pass quickly as you read the captivating story.

Just as you go to take a sip of your now cold tea, something out of the corner of your eye catches your attention. Looking over, you're startled when you see Mother Miranda walking out from behind one of the bookshelves.

"Oh! M-Mother Miranda, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were here." You say nervously.

Mother Miranda knew about your relationship with Alcina and wasn't thrilled, but also didn't forbid it. Everything about her unsettled you and both you and Alcina agreed it was best to keep you as far away from her as possible.

"Alcina isn't here, is there something I can help you with?" You ask, trying to keep your voice from shaking.

Her crystal blue eyes pierce through her golden mask as she slowly steps closer to you. The hairs on your arms stand on end and a chill goes down your spine.

"Mother -"

"Hush, child." She commands and you snap your mouth shut. "I am aware Alcina is not here. There's a reason I sent her and the girls away for the day." She says as her eyes narrow at you.

"What - what do you mean?" You ask as you back yourself further into the corner of the couch.

"I had to get them to leave, of course. Alcina would never let me take her precious little pet without a fight."

Your heart starts to beat erratically in your chest and you spill some of your tea on the table as you shakily put your cup down.

"Mother Miranda -"

"SILENCE!" She shouts, causing you to jump. "I have tried everything, failed experiment after failed experiment. Desperately trying to find the perfect vessel for my Eva. Failure after failure. But you. There's something special about you." Fear seeps into your bones as she steps closer. "You very well may be my perfect vessel, and I will not let a failed experiment stop me from getting my Eva back!"

Mother Miranda grabs at you and you try and push her away, your book falling face down onto the floor.

"NO!" You scream as you try and fight back.

Mother Miranda grabs at you, her talons scratching your chest as she grabs ahold of your necklace. The chain snaps in the fight, causing the necklace to fall onto the couch.

The fight between you two doesn't last long, Mother Miranda is way stronger than you and is able to grab the hair on the back of your head and turn your face up to look into her icy eyes.

"You are coming with me." She says moments before crows surround you both and you feel yourself flying through the air.

Suddenly your knees hit a dirty stone floor and you're kneeling before Mother Miranda. Looking around, you realize you must be in her laboratory and tears stream down your cheeks.

"Please, please Mother Miranda, don't do this!" You plead. "Please, let me just talk to her. Please let me see Alcina!"

"That's enough!" She says as she grabs you by your throat and lifts you in the air. "Not another word out of you. You are mine now. Understand?"

Gasping for air with tears streaming down your face, you can only try and nod before Mother Miranda drops you to the ground. She walks around her lab, gathering items before standing in front of you once more.

"Get on the table." She says, gesturing to the surgical table nearby. As you stand, you see various medical instruments, saws, needles, and a large jar with a hideous looking creature floating in the liquid inside of it. The cadou.

Mother Miranda pushes you towards the table and you lay down on it as you tremble. Miranda moves around you and you see her lift a mask and put it over your face. Tears stream down your temples into your hair as she flips a switch and air blows into the mask.

You watch as Miranda picks up a large needle and your eyes begin to lose focus. The last thing you feel is a painful, sharp pinch in your arm before everything goes black.

-

Alcina and the girls step out of the carriage just as the sun begins to set. Once inside, the girls fly off and Alcina makes her way upstairs.

"Draga, we're home!" She calls out as she makes her way towards the bedroom.

She opens the doors to your shared chambers, expecting to find you napping, and is surprised when she finds the bed still made and untouched.

Alcina makes her way to the atelier, thinking you could be in there and once again finds the room empty.

"Draga?" She calls out as she walks through the winding halls of her castle.

"What's wrong, mama?" Daniela asks as she forms in front of her mother.

"Nothing, draga. I just can't seem to find Y/N."

"Oh, weird. I haven't seen her either, actually. You think she's still in the library?"

"Perhaps. Lets go look." Alcina replies.

Daniela and Alcina walk into the library and Alcina starts to worry when she doesn't find you there either.

"Where on Earth is she?" Alcina says as she paces around the library.

"Mother, look!" Daniela says as she finds your book on the floor and spilled tea.

"What, what happened here?" Alcina says as she sees the book open, face down on the floor. Some of the pages of your brand new book are bent, which immediately concerns Alcina.

"This is so weird." Daniela says as she picks up the book. "She would never leave a book like that, no less let the pages of her books get bent."

Daniela hands the book to Alcina and the look of concern grows on Alcina's face.

"Girls!" Alcina calls.

Bela and Cassandra swarm into the room a moment later.

"Yes mother?" Bela asks.

"Girls, have you seen Y/N?"

"I haven't." Bela responds.

"No, why?" Asks Cassandra.

"We can't find her." Alcina responds.

Daniela lets out a small gasp which pulls Alcina's attention away from her other daughters.

"Mom." Daniela says as she pulls out your necklace from between the couch cushions.

Alcina's heart breaks when she sees your broken necklace. Something happened, something horrible, she feels it in her soul.

"Girls, I need you to search the castle, including the dungeons. Something's happened to her." Alcina says as she clutches the necklace.

The girls nod and swarm off. Alcina paces in the library, desperately trying to find a clue as to what happened or where you went. After speaking to the head maid, she lets Alcina know that the last time she had seen you was when you got your tea after her and the girls had left. No one has been in or out of the castle since then.

The girls come back to Alcina and let her know that there's no sign of you. She hasn't been able to hear your heartbeat and panic starts to set in.

"We'll find her, mother." Bela tries to reassure Alcina.

"We have to." Daniela says as tears well in her eyes.

Alcina pulls Daniela into a hug and kisses her on top of her head.

"We will, girls." She says, desperately trying to keep her voice steady.

After searching the castle for an entire day, Alcina caves in and calls Heisenberg to ask for his help. He sends his lycans out in the village to try and find her, but they come back empty handed.

The more days that pass, the less hopeful Alcina becomes that she'll find you. Ever since that day, she's clutched your necklace and cried herself to sleep, confused, angry, and scared.

A week later, Alcina has nearly lost all hope. One morning she can't bring herself to get out of bed and just lays there with tears streaming down her cheeks. When she doesn't show for breakfast, the girls go to her bedroom and find her.

They tried being strong for their mother, but the truth was that they were all scared for you as well. Seeing their mother so upset broke their hearts and they all climbed into bed with her and cried for you.

"She couldn't have just left, right?" Cassandra asks.

"Cass." Bela scolds.

"I'm serious! There's no way she just left us. She wouldn't have, right, mom? She couldn't have."

"I don't think so, draga. I don't know what happened or where she is, but I don't think she decided to leave." Alcina says.

"When we find out who took her, I'm going to gut them." Cassandra says.

Daniela bursts into tears after trying to hold back and Alcina pulls her closer to her.

"It's alright, draga. It's alright." Alcina says, trying to comfort her youngest.

"She must be so scared." Daniela cries. "Who would have taken her?"

"I don't know, draga mea, I don't know. But when we find out who took her, they are going to pay. I promise."

"I hope she comes back. I miss her, she was like a second mother to us. I wanted to call her 'mama' but I wasn't sure if she'd like it. Now I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to." Daniela says as she cries harder and Alcina can't help but feel her heart shatter in her chest.

"You'll get the chance, darling."

"You don't know that! What is she's dead?! What are we going to do?!"

"Dani don't say that!" Bela scolds.

"It's alright, draga." Alcina says to Bela. "I don't know what we will do, my love." She says to Daniela as she kisses her head. "I don't know."

-

You emerge from darkness and all you feel is pain. From the top of your head to the tips of your toes, everything is in excruciating pain. A pained whimper escapes from your dried, chapped lips and your eyes start to flutter open. A bright white light blinds you and the pain in your head explodes. You open your mouth to try and cry out but your throat is so dry barely any sound comes out.

Consciousness comes and goes for some time, but you have no idea how much time passes. Unsure if it's minutes, hours or days in between.

Opening your eyes again, the bright light isn't as painful and you feel more aware of your surroundings. The pain is still there, but not as horrific as it first was. Hearing a sound, you turn your head to see Mother Miranda looking at liquids in a test tube at her desk.

"You're finally awake." She says with zero hint of emotion.

You open your mouth to speak but still can't.

"Ah, yes. One moment." She says.

Walking over to you, Mother Miranda unclips the bindings that kept you tied to the table and helps you sit up. The world spins and you feel like you're going to be sick but nothing comes up. Miranda hands you a glass of water and you gulp it down. Your throat feels a little soothed but there's still a thirst it didn't quench.

"How are you feelings?"

"I - I don't know." You say with a hoarse voice.

"Any pain?" She asks as she takes a clipboard off of her desk.

"Yes, everything."

"What, specifically?"

Taking a moment to gauge how you feel, you feel an intense pain in your head and move to touch your head. Miranda grabs your hand and stops you.

"Don't touch that. It's still healing." She says.

"What?"

"Your cadou incision."

"You, you put it in my head?"

"Of course I did, that's where I implant it on all of my experiments." She says matter-of-factly. "Now, where else are you in pain?"

There's a strange feeling in your shoulder blades. It's almost like an itch but something feels like it's poking you from the inside. You relay how you're feeling to Mother Miranda and she hums and writes on her clipboard.

"Can I have more water?" You ask, hoping to relieve the thirst you feel.

Mother Miranda glances at you before pouring another glass and handing it to you.

Chugging the glass, you notice the thirst doesn't go away and you groan in frustration.

"What's the matter?" She asks. You can tell she doesn't actually care about your wellbeing and is asking for more information regarding her experiment.

"I'm so thirsty and the water isn't helping."

Mother Miranda clicks her tongue and sighs.

"Very well. Let me see what I can do." She says nothing else and leaves the room.

Confused, you try and stand but your legs are weak so you just lay back down on the table.

You must have dozed off because the next thing you're aware of is the thirst growing even more and extreme pain in your shoulder blades. Groaning, you squeeze your eyes shut and try to breathe through the pain. It begins to subside and the moment you're able to take a breath, you feel something shift under your skin and rip through. A scream rips through your lungs as you uncontrollably twitch and you fall off of the table.

Something pushes it way out of your shoulder blade and you continue to scream. You hear something hit the ground next to you and feel the same thing on your other shoulder blade. More screams rip through you and you pray you pass out from the pain.

But luck is not on your side and you feel something else push through your shoulder blade and hit the ground on the other side of you. Opening your eyes, you see gigantic wings on the ground and this time you let out a scream of fear instead of pain.

Mother Miranda walks in and sees you laying on the floor with gigantic wings splayed out.

"What did you do to me?!" You scream.

"How interesting." She says to herself, ignoring you.

"What did you do?!"

"I gave you a gift. Something you should be grateful for." She snaps.

"Grateful?! Look at what you've done to me!"

"You are magnificent!" She yells.

"You're a monster!"

"SILENCE! That is enough from you. Be quiet and let me examine you."

The pain and screaming starts to catch up with you and you don't have the energy to keep fighting her so you let her conduct her exam.

She holds out one of your wings and you whimper from the soreness. Unlike Miranda's wings that are black as night, your wings are brown down near your shoulders and turn to a stark white. The tips of your feathers are also brown and Mother Miranda notes the pattern on her clipboard.

When she's done with her exam, she helps you up and back onto the table. She conducts a full-body exam and notes no other changes. The thirst you felt earlier is even stronger and you ask her for more water.

Downing the glass she hands you, you slam the glass down on the table and claw at your throat, frustrated that the feeling still hasn't gone away.

"You still feel thirsty?" Mother Miranda asks.

"Yes! No amount of water has been helping. What's wrong with me?" You cry.

Mother Miranda mutters to herself something you don't catch and she leaves the room.

Carefully, you lay on your side on the table and cry.

Some times passes and Mother Miranda comes back in. Looking up, you see she has a terrified villager with her, a young woman. Mother Miranda pushes her to the ground and you see the fear in her eyes.

Scared, you look at Mother Miranda who is looking at you with nothing but cold indifference.

"Who is that? Why is she here?" You ask.

The girl begins to pray.

"Great ones, hear our voice, together as one in reverence. We call on thee within the endless dark to deliver us into fate’s hands." Her voice trembles. "As the midnight moon rises on black wings, so we make our sacrifice and await the light at the end. In life and in death, we give glory, Mother Miranda."

Without saying a word, Mother Miranda grabs the back of the girl's hair and yanks her head backwards, bearing her neck. As the girl continues to repeat the prayer, you watch in horror as Mother Miranda raises her hand, and with her talon-sharp fingers, slices open the girl's neck.

The girl gurgles as she chokes on her own blood and you let out a scream of terror. The moment the scent of blood hits you, an instinct you can't control begins to take over. You try and fight it with all your might but in the end it wins and you leap off the table and onto the girl. Short but lethally sharp talons extend from your fingertips and you dig them into the girl and latch on to her neck wound.

At first the coppery taste of her blood makes you feel sick, but a second later that predatory instinct takes over and you finally start to feel relief from the insatiable thirst you were feeling.

You don't know when the girl stopped breathing or how long you were attached to her for, the only thing you know is that the blood flow begins to slow and then there's nothing left.

Backing away, you become aware of what you've done and you stare at her body in shock. Trembling, you look up at Mother Miranda and she looks at you with a cold indifference. She writes something down on the clipboard, places it on her desk and walks out of the room.

Making your way over to the clipboard, you see your name at the top and notes she's taken of your transformation written down. At the bottom it reads "an unfit vessel for Eva." and you collapse onto the floor in tears. Whether it was from relief or fear, you weren't sure.

Miranda keeps you for what feels like another week, continuing to experiment on you. What she does is borderline torture. Like Alcina, you also have rapid regeneration so you heal from everything she puts you through.

One morning after a grueling session of torture the night before, she walks into the lab and wakes you up.

"Get up. We're leaving."

"What, where are we going?"

"Move."

Miranda says nothing else and you make your way to her. She's clearly irritated at how slowly you are moving, but even your rapid regeneration had a tough time keeping up with what she's been putting you through for the last week. That and the thirst is back. You haven't had blood since the woman from the village and it's starting to affect your ability to regenerate.

Miranda grabs hold of you and in a split second you're whisked away once again.

-

Alcina is seated in her chair in her bedroom, staring into the fire as she nurses a glass of blood wine. She hasn't eaten much, or done much for that matter, since your disappearance. A sense of depression has fallen over House Dimitrescu and the matriarch can't seem to pull herself out of it.

She hears a voice call out for her.

"Alcina!" Miranda calls out.

Alcina rushes to her feet and down to the foyer.

"Mother Miranda, I wasn't expecting -" Alcina stops when she sees something - someone - in Miranda's grasp.

"Here, take her." Miranda says as the throws you to the ground. "Absolutely useless."

Alcina freezes in place as she watches Miranda throw what's in her grasp onto the floor. Beautiful white and brown wings are sprawled out across the floor.

It can't be. Alcina thinks to herself. She's terrified of getting her hopes up for even a second that it could be you, that you could be back home.

Lifting your head, you see Alcina and tears stream down your face.

"Alci." You whisper.

"Draga?" Alcina whispers back. Her eyes shift from you to Mother Miranda in complete confusion. "You - you had her? This whole time?"

"I did. I was hoping she would be the perfect vessel but unfortunately, she is just as unfit as you are."

The dig would normally crush Alcina, but her heart is filled with such relief it doesn't even phase her.

Alcina kneels down in front of you and cups your face in her hand as you try to sit up.

"Draga mea." She whispers. "I thought I lost you." Tears fill her eyes but she does her best to keep them at bay in front of Miranda.

Alcina sees the pain in your eyes - and the relief. Anger bubbles up in her chest and she looks up at Miranda.

"How could you?"

"How could I what? You know how important finding the perfect vessel is. Don't tell me you've lost sight of that, have you?" Miranda says.

Sensing the veiled threat, Alcina looks back down at you.

"No, Mother Miranda."

"Very well. I must be going."

Miranda disappears leaving the two of you in the foyer.

"Alci." You say as your voice cracks. Alcina leans down and carefully arranges you in her arms, mindful of your wings.

"Oh, draga mea." She says as she nuzzles you. "You're here. I can't believe you're here." Alcina says through tears.

You cling to Alcina like a lifeline, as if you'd disappear if you ever let go of her and you sob. Everything that happened the last few weeks comes crashing down on you and you can't help but let it all out right there in the foyer in her arms.

"It's alright, my love. It's alright. You're safe now, okay? No one will ever hurt you again." Alcina says as she continues to cry as well.

"Mother?" Bela asks as she comes into the foyer. "What's going - oh my god!" She shouts.

Bela rushes over and wraps her arms around you as Alcina holds you tight.

"You're back!" She says as tears fall. "Dani, Cassie, she's back!"

Daniela and Cassandra appear and Daniela screams before barreling towards you. Cassandra is right behind her and both girls also try and wrap their arms around you.

"Mama!" Daniela cries. "I missed you so much."

"Are you okay? Who did this to you?" Cassandra asks as she takes in your new wings.

"Miranda." Alcina growls and the girls look up in shock.

"Wait, Mother Miranda took her?" Bela asks.

"Yes. That's why she was gone without a trace. She took her and implanted the cadou into her." Alcina replies.

"The cadou?! But she could have died, or worse!" Daniela says.

"Trust me, draga, I know." Alcina says. "This was not something either of us wanted to happen."

"So Miranda kidnapped her and implanted the cadou into her without her consent?" Cassandra asks, enraged.

"Yes."

"How dare she -"

"That's enough, Cassandra." Alcina reprimands.

"But -"

"Cassandra, please. These last few weeks have been difficult for everyone, especially for her. Lets discuss this at a different time."

Cassandra nods in agreement and Alcina stands with you in her arms and carries you into your shared bedroom. The girls agreed to give you a little space while you recover and they fly off to take their anger out on unsuspecting maids.

Alcina lays you on the bed and immediately crawls up next to you and pulls you tightly into her. Her chest heaves as she sobs, her hands roaming over every inch of you, still in disbelief that you're real.

"My darling," Alcina cries. "I missed you so much. We tried so hard to find you. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't know, I never would have thought -" She breaks down into tears and you cup her face in your hands.

"It's alright, Alcina. It's not your fault. It's Miranda's fault. She sent you and the girls away so she could take me."

"Is, is that why she insisted I take the girls with me? I thought it was strange but who am I to question her?"

"It is. She said you wouldn't let me go without a fight. So she made sure all of you were gone."

"Oh, my love, I'm so sorry." She says. "What did she do to you?"

"She gave me the cadou. Alcina it was terrible. I've never been in so much pain in my life. I wanted to die when my wings came out."

Alcina coos and wipes the tears from your cheeks.

"And then I had this thirst that would not go away no matter what I drank and then Miranda brought a girl from the village into the lab." You say as you cry harder. "Alcina she slit her throat right there in front of me. And I couldn't control myself and I lunged at her. I drank her blood, I drank her dry. I killed her!" You sob.

"Oh draga, it's alright." Alcina says as she comforts you. "You didn't kill her, Miranda did. None of this was your fault."

"I was so scared, I was completely out of control. I'm so afraid of being like that again. Alcina I can't live like that."

"You won't have to. There are ways you can manage it without losing control. I'll teach you, the girls will teach you. We're here for you, draga."

You and Alcina cry into each others arms for what felt like hours until she finally ran you a bath. The wings on your back were still there so Alcina gently washed them as she cleaned the rest of you. Using her claws, she cut holes in one of your pajama shirts to accommodate your wings and helped you dress.

As the two of you spoke, you mentioned that you haven't had any blood since the girl from the village and Alcina shook her head at Miranda's lack of care. She had a maid bring up a fresh bottle of Sanguis Virginis. As soon as she popped the cork and the smell reached your nostrils you were practically drooling. Skipping the glass, Alcina handed you the bottle and you drank straight from it, downing the entire bottle in just a few minutes.

Alcina got herself ready for bed and pulled you into her arms. You felt satiated from the wine, but still cried yourself to sleep. Alcina held you in her protective arms, whispering praises and running her nails through your head until you fell asleep.

"I will never let anyone else ever hurt you, my love." She whispers to you. "Miranda will pay for what she's done."

[shanastoryteller]

so, here's some long meta that no one cares about for 5.14 my bloody valentine and dean's relationship with sam's demon blood addiction

ok far be it for me to defend s5 dean, but i actually think the criticism of dean in 5.14 my bloody valentine is too harsh

the thing i think dean messed up on is not reassuring sam that his sudden desire for demon blood isn't his fault and he doesn't need to be ashamed of it because it's literally because of famine. the horseman is making everyone crave something so badly they kill themselves, including castiel, an actual angel of the lord who can't overcome his desire for red meat to the point that he's literally on all fours in front of famine scarfing down hamburger, not a care in the world while famine is getting read to eat a soul and do who knows what with dean

the thing is sam is so obviously embarrassed and ashamed, especially considering how earlier in the season dean was a huge dick about it, saying he couldn't trust if sam was really clean and didn't want it anymore, ect. if anything, the way sam reacts to the cravings, before they know what's going on, shows that he really had pretty much moved past it - even that low level of craving he had in the beginning was different enough to be noticeable.

the "i think i'm hungry for it" "hungry for what?" "you know." "demon blood? are you kidding me?" exchange is something else i see brought up - but i don't think dean is saying demon blood out loud to be a dick, to push the point and enforce sam's shame like i've seen people say about this moment. i think he's scared of sam's addiction and that jesus, are you fucking kidding me tone isn't really about sam

the thing is dean has decided that sam's addiction has made him a different person, that it wasn't really him and what he did while under the influence wasn't his fault. in 5.11 sam interrupted when they're telling the shrink about the apocalypse so they can get committed, dean says of sam starting the apocalypse, "my brother's not a bad guy, he was just high" and he could be just saying that, but if everything else they were saying was true, so i think this is too - this is how dean is rationalizing it. which is better than when he was saying sam was solely responsible for it, but it's still not great

it's just another way to absolve himself of responsibility and deny sam his autonomy

the thing is that demon blood is not portrayed as a 1:1 with real life substance addiction - it's actually portrayed to be much less damaging (something something about how sam managed to go off demon blood on his own, without the panic room, definitely once but possibly twice - after dean comes back from hell, and after killing lilith, but that's not what we're talking about rn), and sam's addiction doesn't seem to really change his personality. the only time this is even sort of true is when he's going through withdrawals, and even then it's an intense focus to get demon blood - and then he's back to baseline, which is not even a little bit how real addiction works

sam doesn't kill lilith because he's high. he kills lilith because that's been the goal the whole time, because he and dean were both led to believe that would stop the apocalypse, not start it. the tunnel vision revenge to kill lilith also isn't addiction related - i've talked about before how i think it's partially motivated by his desire to see if he really could have killed lilith and saved dean from his deal before, but beyond that - sam having tunnel vision revenge tendencies after someone he loves is taken from him is canon. see the entirety of season 1 after jessica. the only thing that snaps him out of it is the threat of losing dean in 2.01. this is just a facet of who he is

sam didn't go after lilith alone because he was high - it's because dean and bobby lied to him and betrayed him and locked him up and left him to die in the panic room. then when dean tracks him down again, despite sam very clearly not wanting him to do that, fresh off demon blood, he still asks dean to join him. he still wants to do this together. he doesn't want to fight. bobby warns dean to be good to sam, but he's so angry that he pushes and pushes sam until he throws a punch. after that first punch, sam hesitates. he still doesn't want to fight dean. he stands there, doing nothing, waiting to see what dean's going to do - hoping, maybe, that dean will do what he did back when dean lost his temper and punched sam in 2.03 - nothing. instead, dean starts up the fight again, and when sam leaves, throws dad's words back at him

dean talks about sam trusting a demon over his brother, but the thing is dean agrees to go after lilith with sam - as long as he leaves ruby behind, even though ruby is the one that knows where lilith is. also, he trusted an angel over his brother, and that sounds more reasonable on paper, but the the thing is they were both manipulated by ruby/cas.

the reason sam went after lilith alone is because that's what dean pushed him to do. it's not because he was high. saying it was about that absolves sam of his responsibility, sure, but it also absolves dean of the part he played too. worse, dean may say it, but sam knows better. he knows the demon blood doesn't effect him that way and you can see it on his face when dean says it. so he's stuck between not arguing against that and taking responsibility for his actions, something he's done over and over again and he clearly views as part of his penance, or saying something and risk rocking the tentative truce he has with dean, the brother he loves and really the only person he has left in the world. so of course he lets it lie

(a sympathetic interpretation of this is actually because dean doesn't know his voicemail was changed and the sam he knows wouldn't have still gone after lilith without him after receiving it - and he's right, which is why the angels changed it. so he has to justify it as sam being high, because it's the only way sam going after lilith after hearing him say they're still family and he shouldn't have said those things and he's sorry makes sense - but we've already veered off topic as is)

dean views sam's decision to leave him (his biggest fear/weakness) and his drinking of demon blood to be inextricably linked. additionally, sam has made it clear again and again how he doesn't want to be on demon blood anymore, and now he's craving it again. his first reaction is to tell cas to get sam out of here - but it's too late, because famine already infected him

dean is pretty clearly starting to panic here - it's right there in his voice, in the "then what do we do?" and in the look of desperate fear when he turns to face his brother when sam says "you go and cut that bastard's finger off" (which has the ring, the source of his power, and will get rid of everyone's cravings)

i will say i think this is actually a pretty nice moment for their relationship. sam tells him what to do, how to handle this - and dean pretty visibly calms down, turns to cas and says, "you heard him"

even while being pulled towards demon blood, he lets sam make the call. he doesn't insist cas take him somewhere else anyway, he doesn't dismiss sam of not being in his right mind - he does what sam says

which includes handcuffing him

sam is the one that asks to be restrained while dean and cas go after famine. he says to make it good, but dean only handcuffs him to the sink - i was like, come on, the teenagers that captured sam in 5.12 do a better job of tying him up than that

then dean and cas go after famine and cas is too busy shoving hamburger down his throat to do anything and there's like a dozen demons and a literal horseman in front of him. dean's screwed

except famine sent demons after sam, who kills them and drinks their blood. this is not anymore sam than the virgin who ate her lover was herself or the guy who hadn't had alcohol in 20 years and then drank himself to death was himself. sam so far had resisted his cravings in their entirety, not even licking the blade with demon blood, no matter how clearly he wanted to, which is something no one else has been shown able to do

sam shows up, mouth still bloody, and dean's horrified. famine says that sam has nothing to fear and offers him the blood of the dozen demons surrounding them while dean begs him not to do it

cas, mr "i'm an angel, i can stop whenever i want to" is still eating meat off the ground at this point. that's how powerful famine's pull is. and cas's craving is just based on his vessel liking red meat

sam says no

he uses his powers to pull the demons out of the vessels, making their blood useless to him. famine eats the souls instead and sam uses his powers to pull all the souls that famine has eaten out of him, leaving him powerless. sam's powers saving the day again (samhain, alistair) but it's a power he didn't want to use - a power he wouldn't have needed to use, if castiel had a will equal to his own

the next scene is the one people tend to judge dean for pretty harshly, but i'm going to offer a counterargument to that

sam's in the panic room again while dean and cas are outside. i do think a sam that asked to be locked down and refused famine pulling at him drink demon blood did go in there willingly, while he was still in his right mind - before the withdrawal hits. he's calling out - saying "no, please! don't! dean! cas! are you there? dean, help me!"

cas says, "that's not him in there. not really." dean says, "i know" and cas tries to say that sam just has to get it out of his system, then he'll be - and dean walks away, saying he needs some air

a lot of people take dean and cas's exchange to mean that once again sam isn't sam when he's on demon blood - when he's high - and leaving him to suffer alone as a form of punishment/weakness

but i don't think so - and i'm pretty hard on s5 dean's treatment of sam

the thing is, sam just refused famine and pointedly didn't give in to his cravings when cas did. he saved dean, choosing him over demon blood, the thing that in dean's view he hadn't done before

and dean is powerless to do anything for him in return

i think sam is hallucinating in the panic room just then, just like he did the first time. and just like before, when he's hallucinating and detoxing he's using his powers, throwing things around the room. there's no reason to think this time is any different than last time. which means 1. even if dean or cas were in there, there's a decent chance sam wouldn't be able to tell. and 2. it's not safe for them, or at least dean to be in there. maybe cas could, but he's low on mojo and frankly i think sam's powers are strong enough to knock an angel around pretty good if he wanted to

sam's not asking to be let out. he's asking for his brother (which is actually another good sign for their relationship, i think, because last time he hallucinated dean saying he hates him and this time, even addled, he believes that dean would be there and helping him if he could) and i think it's pretty clearly killing dean that he can't go and help him. it's actually specifically because sam isn't asking to be let out that i think the hallucination/powers explanation makes more sense than anything else, because if dean being in there really would provide some sort of comfort to sam, i think he'd be there. there's not really an explanation for why he wouldn't that tracks with the rest of his behavior this episode

when he gets outside, he tosses his drink aside and cries. he prays to the god he doesn't believe in "please. i can't... i need some help. please?"

dean doesn't suffer from any cravings because of famine and famine tells him that's because he's dead inside. this is very obviously not true. one, because dean has show real enjoyment in food and drink and sex in previous episodes so deciding right at this moment that it doesn't exist doesn't really make any sense, and for another - sam is, as always, still able to pull emotions from him that he's shoved down. hell, if anything, famine should have given him a craving for his brother and dean should have spent the whole episode trying to not lie on top of him like a cat

(my personal explanation for this that isn't bad writing is that dean's real craving is just for some numbness, that he's tired of feeling everything he's repressing all the time - and then when famine discovers he's here he purposely doesn't pull any deeper as a way to fuck with dean's head, to break his spirit, to make him that much more likely to say yes to michael and give them the apocalypse they want so badly)

dean is so low at this moment i think because he couldn't protect sam, couldn't help him, and it's a canon component of his character that failing to protect/save sam is gutting for him (shtriga and cold oak as stand out examples but also, like, see: the whole damn show)

he locked sam up and left him helpless for when demons come after him. watch his face when he famine says he sent the demons for sam to consume - it's panichorrorguilt. sam asked him to do it, it's not his fault, but he put those handcuffs on sam and he blames himself for it. then sam has to save his ass using his powers, again, and dean can't do anything but listen to him suffer

sam did the thing that dean asked of him, he picked dean over demon blood, first by asking to be restrained and sending them after famine, then again when he refuses to drink the demons famine offers him

and dean couldn't do anything for him

he couldn't stop the demons that famine sent to his brother, he couldn't stop famine in time to make sam's artificial cravings go away, he can't even help his brother when he's calling out for him

sam trusted him and he failed

(i do not actually think this is his fault - what was he supposed to do? he did everything he could. it just wasn't enough. but even if it wasn't in dean's nature to blame himself for things he shouldn't - and not blame himself for things he should - the cold facts of the situation are crushing enough)

what's he supposed to do now?

they stopped famine. it should be a victory. this is a battle won in the war of stopping the apocalypse. but dean breaks down in a way the actual losses haven't pulled from him because dean of the one track mind really only has one concern, one question, and in that area, this was a loss, not a victory

how does he save his brother?

[digitaldaydreamm]

unspoken claim

rafe x childhood friend!reader

a/n: my birthday was yesterday!! so here's this little birthday special as a gift from me to all of you who show so much love to my posts <3

masterlist

(my favorite silly little pic of him)

⋆｡𖦹 °.🐚⋆❀˖°

The warm summer breeze carried the scent of grilled food and fresh flowers across the backyard, where string lights twinkled overhead, casting a soft glow on the gathering below. The Cameron estate’s backyard had been transformed into a cozy yet elegant space for your birthday celebration. The long table was set with colorful dishes, fresh salads, and pitchers of lemonade and sangria. Your parents, for once, had made an appearance, mingling easily with Ward, Rose, and the rest of the Cameron family.

You sat close to Rafe — closer than maybe you should have — his arm resting casually along the back of your chair, fingertips occasionally brushing the bare skin of your shoulder. You were mid-laugh at something Sarah had said when Rose leaned in with a knowing smile.

“You two are practically attached at the hip,” she teased, sipping her wine. “I’m starting to wonder if we’ll be planning another big celebration soon.”

“We're just friends," your cheeks burned instantly. Before you could stammer out another denial, Rafe gave a slow, easy grin.

The table erupted in laughter, and you buried your face in your hands, shaking your head.

Ward chuckled, raising his glass. “I’ve been saying it for years. They’re inseparable. It’s only a matter of time.”

Your dad joined in, smirking at the both of you. “We’re just waiting for them to figure it out.”

You peeked at Rafe through your fingers, hoping he’d deflect or at least look as mortified as you felt. But instead, he looked smug, sitting back with a satisfied gleam in his eyes, his hand sliding to rest comfortably on your lower back.

“You guys are making her blush,” Sarah teased, nudging you playfully.

Rafe’s thumb brushed slow circles over your spine, soothing but possessive. He leaned in, murmuring just for you, “They’re not wrong, you know.”

Your breath hitched, but you couldn’t even answer before Wheezie piped up. “I think it’s sweet. You guys are basically already married.”

You groaned, hiding your face in Rafe’s shoulder, and he chuckled, wrapping his arm tighter around you.

Your mom smiled warmly. “We just want her happy — and it’s clear you take good care of her, Rafe.”

Rafe’s expression softened just a bit as he met your parents’ eyes. “Always,” he said sincerely.

The teasing continued for a little while longer, both families tossing playful jabs back and forth while you tried to recover from your embarrassment. But through all of it, Rafe’s presence stayed steady beside you — warm, reassuring, and quietly proud.

Later, as the sun dipped low and everyone moved toward dessert, he pressed a soft kiss to the side of your head. “Happy birthday, kid,” he murmured. “Wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else.”

You turned your face toward him, heart fluttering, and for a moment, it didn’t matter that things between you were complicated. He was here. You were here. And it felt like the only thing that mattered.

[delicatetigerobject]

he doesnt know how to do feelings

also

maybe he finds it easier to convey/express his emotions/feeling through means other than directly stating them to people, like how he distances himself from el and tries throwing hints that he doesn't expect her to pick up on when he realizes that he isn't actually in love with her how he thought he was. or like how in the st2 scene above, he says that to will when will isn't himself, when Mike isn't sure that will is even going to remember that he said that, while in the st4 scene (also above), he likely isn't sure how to continue the conversation after the things Will said. In the script, it says that Jonathan, one of the people who knows Will best, being his older brother and all that, notices that 'Will is not just talking about El -- but also himself.'

Mike, as we know, is one of the other people who knows Will best. This is shown in st1, when Mike says he recognizes Will's voice on the walkie-talkie, but Lucas and Dustin think that it's just a baby or interference or something. Joyce, aka Will's mother (another of the people who know him best) is the only other person who recognizes Will's voice just by the sound of his crying through the phone, and both of them know that he's in pain, so this is sort of proven by those scenes. But anyway, since Mike likely knows Will as well as Jonathan does (or at least close to that point), he probably noticed the same thing that Jonathan did when Will said those things. And if I were him, I'd probably have the same reaction.

Now, I know he definitely noticed that Will was crying (he's looking at him in the st4 screen cap in the og post I'm responding to), but considering that he's probably thinking about what just happened (and the implications of those words), coupled with his pre-existing issues with communicating things and his shitty way of expressing himself that he seems to be developing from his internal dilemma (aka internalized homophobia lol) that have been sort of growing inside him since at least the end of st3, at least, he almost definitely doesn't know what he's even supposed to say, (I can almost hear fanfiction here- 'he almost definitely doesn't know what to say- I mean, what is he supposed to say, "Sorry I made you cry, but I wasn't sure what to make of that because it really sounded like you were talking about yourself there, but you were talking about El needing me and being in love with me, and if you were talking about yourself then that'd mean that you were in love with me", and there's no way he could say that'- lol) and so he just kinda lets it happen.

Not to mention that his response to Will's heartfelt speech is just 'You really think so?' and nothing else. Not like, 'Thanks Will, you really are a great friend, I'll patch things up with her soon' or 'Thanks, but I really don't think that she needs me anymore, it feels like she's growing out of me, y'know?', but just... 'You really think so?'

The difference between these two scenes above, imo, is how easy it is for Mike to share his feelings. In one, (the st2 scene), Will is possessed, and Mike knows that he can't really hear him, so it's easier for him to say how he feels to someone who isn't directly and entirely Will; While in the van scene, he's just been hit with a veiled love confession that, considering the evidence, he likely recognizes for what it is, a veiled love confession- from, I might add, his gay best friend, the same gay best friend whose LIPS HE KEEPS LOOKING AT (like DUDE you're literally staring at his lips, the closest is glass Michael 😭🙏), and since Mike is at that point dealing with internalized homophobia (evidence/example: 'We're friends, we're friends' and 'It's not my fault you don't like girls!' Again, the closet is glass.) So y'know, he's gonna have a reaction that has... the exact opposite effect that he probably wanted it to.

but most of this is probably just me projecting

anyways sorry for the little rant idk exactly why I wrote all that and i'm not gonna reread it and try to make it make more sense, I just sorta needed to get my thoughts out a bit because I've been hyperfixated on Stranger Things (and Byler) lately and haven't really had a chance to talk about it. you don't have to read all this, and if you did, please feel free to contribute or correct me on something here, because I actually haven't even gotten to episode three of st4 yet even lol and I haven't watched the van scene. I just read a shit ton of theories and posts which you cant do without spoilers. and also I read the script for the van scene.

anywho feel free to correct me on anything or to add on to what I said, I'd appreciate it, and again, sorry about the infodump

MICHAEL WHEELER!!!!

why do pull THIS romanticism when he's LITERALLY POSSESSED

but on a LONG-ASS CAR RIDE

YOU MAKE HIM CRY!?!??@!?@!?23!?@!@?!?@!?#@?3!?3

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 42 part one

(Masterpost) (Pinboard)  (whole thing on AO3)

Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Welcome to the Storeroom

We are all so justifiably fond of this episode for its wonderful staircase scene and undershirt scene that it's easy to forget that it mostly consists of an endless scene of dudes standing around talking and making faces while a woman kills herself for the sake of the plot. So, I'm here to go over it in excruciating detail! Let's go!

We pick up where the last episode left off, with Lan Xichen demanding access to Jin Guangyao's bedroom because he wants head. A head. Nie Mingjue's head. Jin Guangyao isn't as compliant as usual, with all these extra people coming to join the party, and Su She runs up and says that Gusu Lan is rude.

Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen react to him like he's a gross bug, and Wei Wuxian roasts him for copying Lan Wangji all the time.

Jin Guangyao tells him to chill and then, having failed to charm his way out of the situation in the previous episode, says that he'll let everyone in as a favor to Lan Xichen.

Lan Xichen is still not charmed.

Everybody walks through the cool magic mirror into a giant storeroom where his wife is standing with her eyes closed, doing absolutely nothing. Lan Xichen asks what's up with that and Jin Guangyao says she likes to come into the treasure room to look at all their stuff. Which might be convincing if she wasn't obviously magically enthralled.

(More after the cut!)

Everyone casts their eyes around awkwardly because they don't want to know about whatever freaky shit JGY and Qin Su get up to in private. Except Wei Wuxian, who always wants to know about everyone's freaky shit. He goes and takes a long look at her and walks around her in a circle wondering (on voiceover) why JGY didn't kill her or move her somewhere else.

He tries to talk to her, since she seems pretty much dead, which makes her his idea of a fun hang. Su She says that he must have come in here to talk to her. Remember, WWX is pretending to be Mo Xuanyu, and the show is pretending that Mo Xuanyu was heterosexual, and JGY is pretending that MXY got kicked out for sexually harassing Qin Su.

Nobody says "hey dude, what the fuck is wrong with your wife, why is she frozen" which is weird considering that even the corpses in this show are active and chatty. Wei Wuxian goes to look for Nie Mingjue's head in the place it was before. It's not there and he doesn't think to look anywhere else, even though there is another warded curtain on the other side. Fucking ADHD.

What he finds instead is a dagger, which Jin Guangyao takes out and flourishes. He tells us the following things about this dagger:

It used to belong to Wen Ruohan, then he gave it to Wen Qing

It has killed countless people

It's resentful energy is very strong, which is why it needs a talisman curtain in front of it, although waving it around in a room full of people is fine

It's very sharp! This is always funny to me, when sword cultivators hype up the sharpness of a blade. Like, surely someone as rich as Jin Guangyao has a dude on his staff whose entire job is sharpening all the things?

5. When you look at it, you don't see your reflection, but the reflection of someone it has killed. The VFX department clearly didn't get that note, because while he says this, his own reflection is showing on the blade of the dagger.

He doesn't mention whether Wen Qing used this dagger to do surgery on Wei Wuxian, but I'd like to think it is, just for funsies.

Jin Guangyao holds it out in front of him within easy reach of his suddenly-awake wife. Qin Su grabs it and plunges it into the right side of her abdomen, and dies INSTANTLY.

So, I know we're going for stylized death here, and I wouldn't object if she had done the traditional cdrama neck-cut where you spin around in a circle with a sword at your throat and then die with a little fake blood on your neck. It's cool and just the type of ridiculous that I like to see. It also is a trope that is deeply ingrained in both western and eastern cinema: a cut to the neck will kill you instantly.

There's another equally-popular trope, however: a gut injury or gunshot will NOT kill you quickly. There is a reason Samurai committing seppuku need a second person to lop off their head; otherwise they die slowly. How slowly? I tried to look that up and google got very insistent about telling me about suicide hotlines instead of answering my question. Anyway, what I'm saying is that it's ridiculous for her to die instantly from a stomach wound, and it's extra annoying because so many women in this show die just so men can have feelings about it. Ugh.

Nobody tries to help her, other than JGY telling her to wake up and Lan Xichen checking her Qi. Nobody thinks of, like, a bandage. How are any of these idiots still alive after years of sparring with blades? Maybe they really don't sharpen anything.

Everyone stands around reacting silently for the next several minutes while Jin Guangyao frantically asks a bunch of questions he already knows the answers to. Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang run in and also start reacting.

This scene is like watching an acting class called "reaction faces 101."

Su She transferred in via drop/add from the Eyebrow Work seminar.

Lan Wangji is working on an advanced thesis in minimalism

The prof is getting ready to tell Jin Ling he should consider changing majors.

Jiang Cheng out here ruining the curve for the rest of the class.

Lan Xichen gives a quick recap for them of the previous 41 episodes, finishing up by saying that the sword spirit looks like Baxia. Nie Huaisang asks if the body is Da Ge, and promptly "faints" when Lan Xichen confirms it. Lan Xichen goes back to recapping while Jin Guangyao pretends not to know what's up. Everyone in this scene is speeking as slowly as humanly possible and all of the dialogue is just recapping shit we already know.

Su She talks about how it's puzzling that Lan Wangji, who is righteous and stuck-up, is spending all of his time with a notorious ho like Mo Xuanyu.

Jin Guangyao (FINALLY) draws his sword on Wei Wuxian, only to have it blocked by Lan Wangji. Su She starts to draw his sword but Lan Wangji tells him to stop, and he does.

More reaction faces. *Yawn*

Wei Wuxian tells Lan Wangji to step aside, taking the opportunity to feel his shoulder muscle. Su She promptly lunges and Wei Wuxian dodges. All those years months of fighting with a flute instead of a sword made him very good at ducking.

He spins around and grabs the nearest sword, drawing it and fighting Su She with it. Conveniently, the nearest sword is Suibian, which nobody can open except him. He already opened it once in paperman form, so Jin Guangyao probably put it in an easy-to-grab location for this same purpose.

Jin Guangyao hollers that Yiling Laozu has returned to the world. He took a movement class last semester so he switches which is his forward shoulder to emphasise his shock.

Nie Huaisang wakes up and acts like he doesn't know what's going on. Jin Ling doesn't understand why Zidian didn't work, if he's really posessing Mo Xuanyu. Jin Guangyao drops some exposition to explain how the sacrificing curse works. Now everybody is pointing swords at thim, while exposition continues….endlessly. We get it, the sword is sealed. For fuck's sake, we're 16 minutes into this episode and only two things have happened.

Jin Guangyao takes a swing at Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji blocks it, and then WWX blasts them with an annoying-sparkles talisman, which works against 8 armed cultivators, just like it worked against Wen Chao and his gang way back in the old days when they tried to catch Lan Wangji.

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian run out of the room together, to find a crowd of around 25 cultivators, which is probably meant to represent an army.

Lan Wangji clamps his hand onto Wei Wuxian's wrist and jumps over the cultivators with him, even though we've seen evidence that Wei Wuxian's lightness skills (the jumping-around part of kung fu stunts) are almost as good as Lan Wangji's, core or no core. Admittedly Wei Wuxian can't just fly into a scene from outer space like Lan Wangji seems to do from time to time.

Back in the storeroom Su She asks JGY if they should chase after them - WHY would you even need to ask that? - and JGY says to chase them. So Su She leaves, by himself, while everyone else just stands around doing nothing. Way to act like you didn't already know about Mo Xuanyu being Wei Wuxian, guys.

Jin Guangyao takes an opportunity to masterfully guilt trip Jin Ling about being fooled by Wei Wuxian, "no wonder you took the murderer of your parents as a friend."

The cultivators near the steps finally decide to chase Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, who are halfway down the big staircase. Lan Wangji keeps ahold of Wei Wuxian's wrist as they run down the stairs together.

Why aren't they just jumping down the stairs? Lan Wangji is capable of hovering in the air while playing a guqin in battle; surely he can jump over a second group of cultivators? This isn't a very logical scene but that's ok, because it's setting things up for one of the best scenes in the show....which I'll cover in the next post. *shakes fist at Tumblr's 30-image limit*

[creamecafe]

"I like you, damn it, is that what you wanted to hear?"

Summary: What the request says

Pairing: Thanos x Fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, pining that will never happen I'm sorry guys 😭, blood, stabbing, death

Word Count: ???

Author's Note: This was requested from my Squid Game Imagines book on Wattpad, if you're interested, please go check it out and don't forget to vote, share and comment on what you think. Also my first time writing for Thanos, even though it's literally been 3 months since the 2nd season came out 😭

Want a request for a Squid Game character like this one? Check out my latest post, read my request guidelines and send a request!

Read on Wattpad & AO3 here

There are so many places you would rather be at, you just had to be stuck in the squid games. Alongside a purple haired rapper who would do nothing but constantly flirt with you or hit on you.

The first game, when he saw you, he immediately wanted you. He would come up with new raps for you every time. Being annoyed at this, you always told him to go away or it's not going to happen.

When surviving the first game, the first instinct was to check if Thanos was ok. You didn't know why, but something told you inside that he couldn't die just yet. All of you reported back to the dormitory and Thanos just had to come up to you.

"Señorita, I'm so glad you're alive. Thought I wouldn't see that pretty face again." He sounded more excited than before, but unbeknownst to you, he was high.

"Yeah unfortunately" Rolling your eyes when you said this.

"If you stay by me, I'll protect you. Trust me."

"No thanks." You walked away from him and went to your bed to lay down just to take a breath.

There was a pink guard that came out and congratulated you guys for completing the first game. Commotion and arguing came on of why there are guns and what they were going to do.

Voting came and you voted X, wanting out. You watched as Thanos happily skipped along the two lined and kissed the button, making an "O" sign with his arm.

Rolling your eyes, wishing you died in the first game. When the majority came out that you would be staying for another game, you were saddened by this but became pissed off immediately when Thanos came up to you.

"Looks like we're stuck here for another game"

"Let's hope either one of us gets killed" You pushed by him as you went to your bed.

The next morning came and you were off to your second game, six legged race. You had to look for a team of 4 other people. While you were looking around, you heard that familiar but annoying voice again.

"Need a team señorita?"

Turning around, cursing yourself, you forced a smile facing him.

"I'm perfectly fine and I'm looking for a team right now"

"Come on, I'll make sure nothing happens to you. You wouldn't want to be the only without a team? Die alone?"

He was right about that. Dying alone would be a sad way to go. Taking a deep breath you agreed to join Thanos's team.

He smiled at this and clapped his hand in excitement. He grabbed your hand and led him to the other people in your team and you sat down as the games were beginning.

You were arm in arm with Thanos as you were completing through each round of games. His touch was a bit cold but soft. He made sure not to hurt your arm but still kept a firm hold on it. You couldn't help but stare at him every so often. Maybe it was the fact you guys were so close to each other you thought.

After you guys completed the game and went back to the dormitory, you went up to Thanos to thank him for letting you be on his team. Smiling at this he puts a hand on your shoulder. "No problem, señorita."

You hated when he said that but had to get used to it. But did you really hate it?

The Mingle game was almost all the same. Being in Thanos's team. Trying to look at him but not getting caught. You would never admit your feelings even if you had a gun in front of you.

"I notice you're looking at me at every game. What's that about?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm not blind señorita. You're looking at me every time we play in a new game."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"I'm going to the bathroom. But I know you have something for me. I'll wait."

"I want nothing to do with you."

Thanos laughed at this and brought Nam Gyu with him to the bathroom. When he left, you felt some sort of relief that Thanos didn't find out the truth. The truth was that you felt like you started to like Thanos.

It couldn't be possible. We only know each other for a few days. He's a rapper and wouldn't fall for a regular person anyways.

Moments later, you hear commotion and screaming from outside the dormitory. You kept hearing players numbers being eliminated. How is that possible? We're not playing any games.

Different male players came out of the bathroom and they looked disheveled. There's one person you didn't see come out, it was Thanos. Your heart raced at this and you got up from your bed and started asking the players.

"What happened? Do you see Thanos? The purple hair guy?"

You frantically ran up to Myung-Gi who had blood all over his face and shirt.

"Myung-Gi, what happened to Thanos?"

He looked down and didn't say anything

"What happened? Tell me!"

"I'm sorry"

Rushing down to the exit, you begged the guard to open the door, not even caring if in the moment you sounded mentally insane.

The guard opened the door and you rushed down to the men's bathroom. You push open the door and call out Thanos' name.

There he was, his soon to be lifeless body on the floor with the fork in his throat, and other bodies that looked to be dead.

"Oh my God" You said under your breath as you ran to him

It takes a second for him to see through his blurry vision of who's in front of him. Once he realizes he smiles faintly.

"Sweetie, what are you doing here." His voice is hoarsed as he doesn't have time left.

"Thanos" Tears start swelling up in your eyes and your voice is breaking

"I knew you would come falling for me"

"It's going to be okay"

"Why do you care? I thought that you wanted nothing to do with me?"

There was a silence between you both as you didn't want to say what's been meaning to come out of your mouth for a while now.

"Please stay with me, Thanos. Help someone! Help"

"Answer my question. Why do you care?"

"I like you, damn it, is that what you wanted to hear?"

From hearing this. Thanos smiles. "Prove it"

You grabbed the side of his face and kissed him. After you kissed him, he breathed hoarsely as he closed his eyes slowly.

"Y/N, please do one thing for me"

"What is it?"

"Get. Out. Of. Here." Thanos said between breaths

"What?"

"Win. The. Money. And. Just. Go"

“Thanos”

"Promise me you'll get out of here alive. You have to do that for me. Can you promise me?"

"Yes. Yes I can do that." Tears were running down your face.

You waited for another response from Thanos. Nothing came out. Checking his pulse, also nothing.

All there was in front of you was a lifeless body with the fork as the cause of it. Taking in the last words that Thanos says to you, you wipe your tears and remove the fork from his neck.

You remember what Myung-Gi said before coming here. That he was sorry. It didn't take long for you to realize he was the one responsible for Thanos' death.

Getting out of the games is a promise you have to make to Thanos. Avenging his death is a promise for yourself and one Myung-Gi is gonna get soon.

Taglist:

@yorrpleasure, @deffreal, @cocofia143, @sorry-meme, @ivees-blog, @elizabeth-hatake , @nini-0808, @hobinistaworld, @ineedsmootching, @happyfrog7681, @fyraevya, @ninahorikoshifr, @ikeithy, @vampiregirlxoxoxo, @trashk1tty, @ouwioworuuu, @cloudysxkura, @l4venderia, @iidontwannadiealone, @vinaluvsu

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[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 159 (To Catch a Time Thief)

Days after the hearing, Felix came home annoyed. Passing Emit and Angela in the dining room, he found Lilith repairing the kitchen sink. "Lex Mattingly came into the office today."

"Who?"

"He runs the firm; everyone's boss. He came out to the Britechester office, and he'd heard about the custody case. Said 'You know I don't mind when my attorneys work pro bono, but they need to win one hundred per cent of their pro bono cases.' As if I don't feel bad enough."

"You did nothing wrong, Felix," she assured him. "You're going to figure out how to get a new hearing sooner than a year, but it's only been a few days, and now you've got a few days off. Do you want to help me with the sink? I swear the Watcher keeps breaking everything around the house just to get our skill up."

They were interrupted then by Emit, who'd come to the kitchen for a snack. Angela followed close behind him. "It's good to be handy if the device malfunctions while we're travelling. What do you say we eat and then get going?"

"What happens if it glitches when were in a time with no computers?" wondered Felix, as Lilith pulled a bowl of fruit salad from the fridge.

"Power down to save battery life and wait for someone to come find you."

"How do they find us if we power down?"

"You just have to hope they're headed to the same place you are."

Despite the danger, Felix and Lilith had committed to this mission, and arranged their schedules so they could afford to be out of reach for days, if necessary. They ate and changed into suits Emit had retrieved for them from the future - official time-travelling apparel that could withstand the effects of moving through dimensions, with reflective lights to deflect fellow space-riders.

Angela wished Emit good luck and offered him a romantic kiss. "For the road," she said.

"See you soon, Angie."

Lilith shared a quick look with her mother, Mary Sue, who waited anxiously for her daughter to activate the time travelling device.

"It'll be alright, Mom. We're going to be fine. Ash's invention is going to work."

Mary Sue smiled softly. "I hope you're right."

They linked arms behind their backs, with Emit's wristboard and Felix and Lilith's device calculating their departures. Angela and Mary Sue watched in awe as a few beeps and clicks filled the room, followed by a long whirr, like a gathering windstorm. But the air was still.

"Bring back a souvenir!" Angela said with a laugh.

"We can't do that," Emit reminded her. "It might change-"

He couldn't finish before a flash filled the room. Angela and Mary Sue blinked at the blinding white light, but when the room cleared, the time-travelling trio was gone.

"They really did it!"

Mary Sue sat down to read more about time travel, in hopes understanding it better might ease her worried mind.

"Just because they jumped doesn't mean they landed in the right place," Angela reminded her cautiously. "We won't know if they're safe until they get back."

Felix and Lilith couldn't explain what it felt like to travel through time. After the flash of light, in a blink they'd arrived at their destination. Oasis Springs - January 13, 2020. They looked down at their hands and feet - all parts of them were accounted for. Casino lights obscured the night sky and they looked around.

"There!" Emit shouted. "The time thief! She's running into the Fortuna Casino."

The thief looked back quickly before racing inside. Emit, Angela, and Felix gave chase, but the quick-footed thief blended into the garish interior.

They raced up stairs, past waitresses in showgirl-esque attire, searching wildly for the thief in black and white stripes. They spotted her racing up a grand staircase and the thief met their gaze, but then in another flash of light, she was gone.

"Where did she go?" cried Lilith.

"I don't know," said Emit. "I have to wait for her to drop something in time to get a signal."

"So what are we supposed to do here?"

"Well, we can't change anything, so don't talk to anyone you don't have to, don't tell anyone your real name, and don't do anything to get yourself noticed. We're here weeks before the start of the global pandemic that hit Simlandia this year, so we should be fine, health-wise."

They headed back downstairs, spotting a blonde waitress who looked somehow so familiar. Felix did the math in his head. "I think that's Nancy Landgraab," he said, leaning in close to Lilith to ensure she wouldn't overhear them.

"Ash's grandmother was a casino waitress in the desert? When?"

Emit looked around. "We jumped back in time forty years, so that's probably the answer to that question."

"It'd be nice if you could use that against the old witch somehow," Lilith mused, but Felix didn't have time to consider it before Emit's wristboard beeped again.

"The time thief's a real klepto. They've already dropped something else. July 14, 1920, outside the Laurel Library in Britechester."

"So we're jumping again?" Lilith's eyes lit up.

"Is it safe to jump there? It's only five years after my death - what if we run into someone who knew me?"

"Just remember, focus on the mission and try not to talk to anyone."

Felix' trepidation couldn't prevent them from jumping again - they'd already jumped back forty years, and they hadn't yet completed the mission.

The trio left the busy casino so no one would see them disappear, and in another flash of light they moved through space and time again. But when Felix and Lilith landed outside the Laurel Library in broad daylight, Emit wasn't with them.

"What happened?" cried Lilith. "Where did he go? Did we jump to the wrong time?"

They looked around the quiet university grounds, still somewhat deserted in the early morning light. Britechester hadn't changed much in a century and a half, but the few milling about the red-brick library let them know they'd made it to the 1920s.

Lilith's mouth hung open in awe, as several students looked at them strangely in their brightly-coloured travel suits. One woman with short blonde hair and a burgundy hat approached the library doors, looking casually in their direction. Felix gasped, at the same moment the blonde did a double take.

"Felix, what is it?"

"Felix Psyded, Esquire?" The blonde woman's voice rang like an alarm in his head. "If I'm not staring at your ghost, you best have a fine explanation for this!" ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 2.1 Summary

Gen 1 Start | Gen 1 Summary

WCIF Poses & Casino Lot: Trio poses by Atashi77 aka the 'time-travelling pose'; young Nancy is posed with @tenyrasims Serving With a Smile posepack (which I've used before and still love!), and the casino is a fantastic lot by Katy555 on the Sims 4 Gallery, Fortunas Casino Royale. Really bright and elaborate inside and outside. Reminds me a little more of Monaco than Vegas, tbh!

To confirm any questions, yes that is young Nancy, because I downloaded Teen Nancy Landgraab by simsquared7 for this scene (and maybe more 👀)

[brokenpieces-72]

Quirks

CoD Hybrid AU | Navigation

Another little story, that has been in my drafts for way too long and I had yet to release. It got kind of buried by other drafts I haven't posted, so here's more drabble. I've also made some edits, as this was written around the very beginning of my tumblr writing... and now we're here.

A few things you start doing around when you’re not on missions is help Hunter with their work outside of missions. You learn to wrap wounds and make splints for the human soldiers. The hybrids…you learn some things about them.

First off Price often helps Gaz with preening, removing any loose or damaged feathers but Price can’t always help. You notice one day that Gaz’s wings look a little shaggy, like he'd ruffled them and they weren't settling.

“Yeah, I haven’t been able to preen them very easily. Hard to reach places and all.” He says.

��Could I help?” You ask. Gaz shrugs.

“Sure. Just be gentle, and only the loose ones.”

At first he does it while sitting on a stool but this proves a bit difficult, as you can’t easily tell which ones are loose when they’re folded. Gaz gives in and lies down on his stomach letting the wing stretch out for you to see the loose ones better. You’re able to get them much easier and set the feathers aside. You take some time to look at the feathers more closely, and he lets you keep one of them which you manage to braid into your hair for ‘good luck’.

Horangi was shifted one day and reclining in the rec room. He did this sometimes to just be alone from any humans, though it didn’t really work on the other hybrids. You come into the rec room and he looks up at you before putting his head back down. You sit down next to him and trying to sketch him while he’s resting.

When it comes to contact though, your intrusive thoughts can take over. You can’t help but want to try and pet him. You did it with Soap when he was shifted, and Horangi was also a shifter. Your brain puts these two thoughts together and you pet him, giving gentle neck rubs. He makes a sort of annoyed growl until you find his sweet spot. That’s when your eyes widen and your ears perk up. He was chuffing! You give him more neck rubs, going for two hands and he lifts his head for you a bit as he continues chuffing. You giggle a bit finding it surprisingly adorable. Someone enters the room and he shifts back to human lowering your hands. You’re still snickering.

“What is so funny?” He asks.

“You were chuffing.”

“I don’t chuff.” He says a little red.

“Yes you do.” You say with a big grin. “Don’t worry about it. Soap does the same thing, except it's his tail.”

Horangi raises an eyebrow at that. The big bad wolf, wagging his tail like a happy puppy. Knowing you, it's not surprising.

This one you’ve done a few times before it’s just become a habit at this point but Soap gets restless during the full moon. You and him have started calling your difficult times during the month full moons. Both of you are there to help with those times.

When you have cramps or are feeling stressed and emotional he makes sure you’re doing better and have what you need. He even calls on Hunter for a couple of things to help you out. If you get overly frustrated or angry, he's firm with you, reminding you to go cool off, and take a minute to yourself.

Originally you didn’t know about his full moons but at one point you overheard growling and a couple of howls from outside and went to go and see it, unable to sleep yourself. You found Soap in a field not far from the base, simply howling up at the stars. A twig snapped underfoot and he caught notice of you in your pjs and hoodie before striding over to you. He pressed his snout into your shoulder and you gave him some hesitant pets before you noticed his tail wag. Then you went all in with the scratches, not even caring there was a full grown man behind all this fur. He was on the ground rolling over for a belly rub and you can’t help but laugh and rub away.

When you both finally returned to base Soap was exhausted, and finally went back to human. You comforted him and helped him back to bed so you wouldn’t wake up Hunter. Ghost was waiting and helped you get him to his room. Since that night you don’t always go out with him but you notice him awake and wandering the base around the full moon. It becomes a sort of ritual between you too, and though he often insists on you going back to bed you insist on making him something for you to both snack on.

As a girl you have your own full moon and the scent is not impossible for Soap to notice. ‘Full moon’ sort of becomes a safe word for you two, asking if the other is okay or if they need some company or comfort.

One night you’re sick and had to stay in your room for a while. Food was proving difficult for you, and Hunter had others to tend to. Hunter had been stretched rather thin and Soap knew of it. Recruiting some of the team, he got Hunter to take a break. Rudy and Gaz took them to get food and some relaxation. Meanwhile other medics tended to any wounded or injured. The problem was, they were fairly weary of you, aware that you were struggling to keep food down. Once the base had gone more quiet that night, Soap comes into your room after knocking.

“Oi pup. You dead?” He jokes. The only response he gets is a small groan. Soap opens the door and sees your pale face and laying form in the bed. He doesn’t let you make another sound before he wraps you in your blanket and carries you to the rec room, where there’s also the small kitchen. He sets you on the couch, and makes sure you’re cozy and you have a face mask on. He works on getting you some food, simple grilled cheese and a mug of soup. May not be Ma’s but it’s enough. You take small bites and small sips, thankfully keeping some of it down.

Alejandro doesn’t really like pets. At least the nagual doesn’t. Alejandro is fine when you want to curl up with him and will even offer his lap to rest on. But the nagual is more prideful. It shows affection in a way, taking the occasional head scratch or pet, but keeping the signs of affection minimal.

Or rather, it has other ways of showing affection. Like fighting you.

Alejandro is a good sparring partner and despite them not being the most friendly with each other, he and Horangi work well. Alejandro talks and shows you through various maneuvers, and goes slow. Horangi is a nice enough sport to be a practice dummy though he will take advantage of your vulnerable positioning and Alejandro instructive distraction to drop you like a sack.

Alejandro tends to shake his head but your giggles make it hard for him to be frustrated. Then it’s back to the beginning.

The nagual side on the other hand is a bit of a different story. It doesn’t hold back on you, and since discovering your wendigo form it takes full advantage to get itself acquainted with a new enemy. He may not run your tracking sessions as often as he used to, but when he does it’s full hybrid mode. Sometimes he takes you on night hunts if he needs to blow off steam, which makes tracking him harder for you. The Panther form is used for stealth making him harder to find even for you. Sometimes you try to hunt each other leading to a pretty rough fight. Alejandro doesn’t hold back unless he knows he’s going too far.

One of these nights, you hadn’t seen Alejandro for some time. You had also just come back from a rough mission. It hadn’t gone well and Alejandro had to step in more than once to keep you safe. He had requested you join him for a late session. You were in wendigo form for sometime until you found a place to rest and relax. It was a miracle you hadn’t passed out from exhaustion. Once you found cover on the ground, you returned to human, taking a moment to breathe.

You had maybe rested for 10 minutes when out of nowhere you’re tackled to the ground, and forced to shift before claws can dig into your flesh. You through the heavy mass off of yourself roaring at it to back off, irritated at the interruption. Thankfully the intruder was Alejandro who was able to take the hard blow just as well as you could. You stare each other down, before you shift back to human, catching him off guard a bit.

“Sorry I need a minute.” You say, bracing yourself against the nearest tree.

“No time out in the field Mija.” Alejandro reminds you as he shifts back to human as well.

“I know. Just… I’m fucking tired.” You say, fighting to stay standing. Alejandro comes over encourages you to join him sitting on a fallen tree. Now all you’re fighting is the urge to lean against him. You notice his breathing is heavy as well.

“How have you been sleeping lately?” He asks. You think about it for a moment and honestly with school work, training and missions, not as much as you would like.

“Not a lot.” You admit.

“Why did you say yes to coming on the mission then?” He asks.

“I thought I had to.” You reply.

“You’re young Mija. You don’t need to go on missions if you don’t think you can do it.”

“But I can do it.” You argue.

“You did do it. That’s not the point. You should have rested. König could have taken your place. If this were a real mission I could’ve killed you. When you don’t rest you affect your whole body, you’re not as aware, and you’re not as strong.” Alejandro explains. You fidget, his words leaving a tiny sting. You made everything harder for everyone else is what it sounds like. He notices your drop in expression, and puts an arm around your shoulders for a comfort.

“I messed up.” You say.

“On the contrary, you did very well Mija. Especially with how tired you were.” Alejandro says. “But remember you don’t need to come on every operation. If you want to, you sure can try, but you’re going to tear yourself apart doing it.”

You nod understanding him a bit better. Sleep was needed. No going on missions tired. Get better rest. He smiles at you.

“I’m sorry.” You say.

“Ahh don’t apologize.” Alejandro reassures you. “There were no casualties, and we achieved our objective. Now it’s time for you to rest, and I’ll make Hunter write you a doctor’s note if I have to.”

You smile at that and nod. On the way back you need another break from walking. He offers to give you a piggyback while shifted. You give in and end up passing out. By the time he reaches the base, almost everyone is in bed. Except for Price. He shakes his head at the sight but stays quiet, while he carefully takes you off of the nagual’s back and carries you to your room.

Price didn’t know what to think when your file landed on his desk. Still wasn’t sure what to think now. One thing he did know, was that you were part of his hoard. Which meant he’d grown attached. As long as you were with the 141, he was satisfied.

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