#while we're all here i just wanted to say

[wheeloffortune-design]

I guess you're unlucky because I just happened to glance at the comments on this post a year and a half after posting it. And your comment was near the top. So, graciously,

fuck you.

Telling someone that the way they reacted to empty platitudes the day their father died is 'kind of being a dick' is more than being rude, it's being cruel.

The whole post was about how, for one day, I decided to not entertain someone else's fantasy. For one day, I did not smile, placate, kept silent. That day was not about them, it was about me, my siblings, my step mother. That day, no one else's feelings mattered to me. I gave myself the right to be unpleasant while my father was dying down the hall.

It's incredibly hard to find something to say to someone when they're grieving. I've been on that side too. You can appreciate the thoughts and prayers, but nothing forces you to play along.

So I told my aunts that they could stop telling me about heaven, about how I would see him again someday, because I didn't believe that. I told that other family friend she could stop trying to give me her crystals because I didn't believe in that either.

The post I wrote a year and a half ago is about how they reacted badly to me rejecting their words. It was never about me, I don't regret what I said. It was about their reaction.

And here you call me a dick, for refusing to placate them on the worst day of my life.

I'm replying to this message not for you, but for the same reason I wrote the original post in the first place. Not knowing it would resonate with so many people, I just wanted to share my experience because I'd never heard anyone else speak of it. Maybe it could help someone, or make them feel less alone in this horrible feeling. I am lucky, it seemed to have helped several people.

If you are grieving, or when you will grieve, because we're all doomed to know grief, here are the things I learned, from that worst day of my life, and the 879 days since:

there is no good or bad way to live this pain. there is no correct way. you do whatever you can, however you want, to deal with this.

there is nothing good about this situation. don't look for the silver lining. accept that it's horrible. don't try to change this feeling into something it isn't because you feel like there should be a good side to this. there isn't. you loved them, and they're gone. it hurts.

it will get better, slowly, very slowly. you just need to make it through. but it will always hurt, at the strangest moments. the tears, years later, will be as true as the tears from the first day. this will be a relief.

and this is the whole point of the original post: if and when you lose someone close to you, you need to focus on your own pain, and not placate the other people, the ones who don't hurt as much as you do. it's not about them, it's about you. when the funeral comes, don't spend your energy in niceties, in small talk. don't make it a show for other people. take that time to get your closure. protect jealously your grief. it's your time, it's not a presentation.

The day of the funeral, a cousin talked to me about ancient Egypt, trying to cheer me up with a subject he knows I love. He started telling me about how the pyramids were built by ancient aliens, he'd seen something on youtube about it. I stopped him, told him I didn't believe in that. He was disappointed, but his disappointed was not my problem.

Tell me, should I have changed myself and nodded at his ludicrous conspiracy theory? Should I have accepted my aunt's crystal beads because they were supposed to give me strength? Then why should I have accepted something that, for me, is as completely false as ancient aliens and crystal beads?

Every other day, you need to meet people halfway. The day your father died, then his funeral? fuck that. their feelings are not your problem. don't let them make their feelings your problem.

grief fucking sucks, and this is me giving you permission to not make yourself smaller for other people when your loved ones die.

it's been a year so i feel more comfortable talking about it..

when you're atheist and you lose someone, religious people don't really know how to interact with you. it's fine, we have different worldviews.

'He's in a better place, now.'

Sorry auntie, but I don't believe that. I believe that his brain stopped working at 5h55pm on december 11th 2022, and that's it. Nothing after that.

It makes grief very difficult, because not believing in god or the afterlife also means accepting that you will never, ever see that person again. That's it. The end. Nada mas.

But, back to the aunties and other faceless people gravitating in the grey blurry waters of your awareness.

They tell you 'He's with god now' and you tell them 'Yeah I don't believe that' and.

they. get. annoyed.

Here I am, gutted open, the worst day of my life, barely holding myself together, and they! Get annoyed that I won't smile and entertain their point of view!

Another faceless person tried to heal me with cristals. She also got annoyed when I told her I didn't believe in that.

I usually don't really mind religious people. It's fine, we have different worldviews. I think I'm right but so do they. As long as they're good people, I don't judge them for their faith.

I'll even be grateful for them trying to console me. I get that you're trying to give me strength and love. Thank you.

But I'm going to be true to myself, yes even when I'm mad with shock and grief. And I still can't believe they got annoyed that I didn't play along to placate them, on the worst day of my life.

(I wanted to share because I've never heard anyone talk about atheism and grief, and the loneliness that comes out of it.)

[killishin]

— ♡ right person at the right time.

PART 04.

pairing: jason todd x reader

category: lots of fluff, angst, he fell first she fell harder kinda trope, sfw, thinking of making this a slow burn but we'll see.

content warning: afab, mention of death (reader's mother), violence here and there, mention of blood, inaccurate medical talk, not proofread

summary: reader's just a normal citizen of Gotham, scrambling to making ends meet. after a fateful encounter, when he saw the reader kick ass and save a life- he can't get them off his mind. and fate just keeps pulling them together forcing him to do something about it.

a/n: im having a shit week but at least i have time to write. enjoy :)

wc: 3.8k

fic masterlist. previous. next

dividers by @cafekitsune

easing back into normalcy wasn't easy, not after that very weird, very out of the blue— very pretty— gift. you had wrapt it back in its box and kept it safely on your vanity as if your clumsy hands would somehow shatter the rubies. you had decided to give it back to red. you knew well in first glance that it would have hurt his pockets hard enough— and you just can't accept something that expensive as just an apology.

but he didn't turn up. that sly idiot did not come, it has been a whole week now. and you tried to rationalise that he has far more responsibilities on his shoulders than to play buddy buddy with you but you just wanted to return something that you possibly don't deserve.

you kept your grubby hands off of it without any problem initially, then your heart began tugging you along, wanting you to just wear it. its pretty, you love pretty things who doesn't?

your eyes stared at it, lips puckered in a deep frown, struggling with the polite part of you. the rubies stared back, like sirens calling.

that's when there was a knock, no not on the balcony but from the main entrance. you almost released a disappointed sigh as your heart had momentarily awakened in anticipation of that vigilante.

you opened the door and Kira barged in with bags— shopping bags held on both her forearms. you closed the door with an amused smile and folded your arms, "looks like you finally emptied your bank account huh?"

she rolled her eyes but her giddy smile stayed etched, "of course not! i didn't pay for it. at least not mine." your brows furrowed and she continued, "we're going to the gala!"

in contrast to her excited yelling, your brows just further furrowed, lips scrunching up as you walked towards her, poking at the bags in confusion and suspicion. dresses, two in total. "who's we, kira?" you questioned before giving her a pointed look, "tell me you don't mean me."

kira is a reporter, a good one at that, just reaching her prime and she has been to a good number of galas.

her lips turned downturned, brows furrowing and you immediately scoffed, "i can't believe you—"

"but its a gala."

"filled with those snobby, rich, insensitive—"

"it has great wine. and food."

"i can get great food at the diner down the road. and its made by a sweet old lady-"

"its a Wayne gala."

your lips seized for a moment, stopping as you registered the words. in your eyes all those charity galas are nothing but places for the rich to practice their laughs and stew in gossip. but you've heard of the most talked gala, the ones the Wayne's throw. and while you still have your reservations about it, you know its one of the genuinly best parties. it has the best cuisine selected, the wines are somehow always something new and better than last, the arrangement actually shows refined taste.

maybe for a day you can set aside your differences, at least you can have an experience of a gala, the best one at that. even if it'll suck at least you'll have a story to tell.

so you consider, much to your chagrin, you do.

"its still gonna be filled with those pricks." you grumbled, though it sounded more petulant than firm and she bit back a smile, "yeah but who says you gotta talk with anyone of them? I'll quickly scope any scoop i can get then we can dance, and drink and eat- all while looking the most gorgeous in the room."

and she's got you.

"alright when?"

"dress up, pretty. we're leaving in an hour." she winked before happily taking the bags to your room and you followed behind with a sigh.

"its been soo long since we went out together-"

"didn't we just eat dinner together yesterday?"

"that wasn't going out, that was just stewing in each other's depression." she scowled before stopping dead on her tracks, her eyes trained right on the earrings.

"oh. my. god."

"oh shit—" you cursed under your breath before rushing to hastily close the box. she clicked her tongue in annoyance before swatting you away, opening it back up and gasping yet again.

"who gave you these?!"

you reeled back a bit with an offended frown, "why did you assume someone gave it to me? i could have bought it too."

"with that salary? yeah right." she scoffed before back to cooing at the earrings as if its literally her baby.

"out with it. who gifted you these hm??" she teasingly asked and your groaned, pulling the box gently out of her grasp and putting it back down.

"no one. i mean— a friend."

"right a friend." she scoffed, "at least he's a loaded one for sure."

"its nothing kira. im gonna return it."

"why?!" she stares at you like you just committed a heinous crime, making you scoff. "because its too expensive?"

"so??" she scoffed back as she rested a hand on her hips, "come on if this didn't hurt the pockets of the one who gifted you, you should just thank the daylights outta them and wear it."

"but—"

"not wearing it will be a disrespect to the gift. to the person."

"....you know this is called manipulation?"

"not if its for your best interests." she shrugged as a cheshire smile adorned her lips, "also they're just too pretty to return because you're an emotional idiot."

and so she finally convinced you to go, wearing those rubies. you felt a bit bad for wearing them without even thanking him prior to it. the guilt was there, like a persistent ache, but it lightened at the sight of them on you. they really were beautiful, you didn't linger on why he specifically bought rubies, chalking it up to him just really being obsessed with red.

and as you left, lost in the shine of the red on you, you failed to notice the red reflecting off the glass of your balcony.

"kira what the fuck?"

"i know."

it was beautiful, down from the drapes to the architecture, the carefully selected wine that tasted just the right amount of sweet and fizzy, the chandelier— the chandelier. it was straight out of some fantasy, some fairytale and all its missing is the fluffy gowns. of course its ethereal, it would be since its held in the Wayne manor itself— something kira failed to mention.

"you didn't tell me it was hosted right in the manor!" you whispered to her, nervously yet awkwardly looking around. it wasn't that you were a mess at interactions, its just you don't want to be caught fawning over the art and architecture all for a rich snob to sneer at you. you really do not want to out yourself in a sea of sharks.

"it was supposed to be a surprise!" she grinned, this time it really was innocent and you sighed, shaking you head as you smoothened your dress for the umpteenth time.

"you gotta relax, pretty." she reassured, gently steering your shoulders towards herself, "do what you like. flirt with whoever you want or simply geek out about the art. the people here are way too self absorbed to notice us, trust me." times like this you really do feel grateful for a friend like hers.

"and if someone bothers you, i'll take care of them. just holler." she grinned wickedly, winking at you as she pulled back.

"holler? in the middle of the gala?"

"yep." she chuckled as she started walking away, "they won't remember us anyway."

you shook your head as you stifled a laugh, something told you she has brought the wild side of her to a lot of galas.

but then you realise you're alone. while she makes her round for any potential scoops, you need to keep yourself company. so you snatch a wine before looking around, actively avoiding everyone's eye. you pick a relatively empty corner by the huge window stool, leaning against the wall as your eyes admire the particular painting up on the wall.

"not fond of socialising i presume?"

your skin jumped a bit, the wine sloshing around in the glass a bit as you looked beside you. you really didn't hear him— him, oh he's a gorgeous him alright.

"didn't mean to startle. dick grayson." he smiled, a certain playfullness to it before he extended his hand towards you.

your eyes flickered to his hand and then his eyes, skeptical but also a bit confused. not only have you seen him somewhere that name sounds awfully familiar—

"oh!" your brows jumped up as you shook his hand, quite a reflex action since you realised this damn manor was technically his home. "hello— hi. sorry i didn't recognize-"

"its no problem." he chuckled, amusement rolling off of him and you're already starting to see the proof of his charm that the gotham talks about, "i tend to gravitate towards the more interesting people in these boring galas, so i should be the one apologising if i... intruded."

he did not sound apologetic at all, instead his eyes simply flared with delight as he looked down at you. it unsettled you, not exactly in a creepy way, but you do want to be a part of whatever he is concocting in that pretty head of his.

"interesting? how is me standing in a corner interesting?" you mused as your raised a brow at him, willing your nerves down. he stuffed his hands in his trouser pockets before looking around, his brows furrowing in fake annoyance.

"you're not among them, gossping and bragging. or feeling me up." he makes an exaggerated shudder of his body before sighing and you stifle a laugh, "the gotham elite has some drama every other tuesday, so i get them needing to gossip." you shrugged and he caught the way you subtly grouped him with them.

"also i thought you liked the attention. i don't mean to assume, but it certainly looked that way in the tabloids." you said and he immediately grinned teasingly , "really didn't take you to be interested in tabloids."

"im not." you come to your defense, quite quickly so, "but i see them here and there. in passing." you're definitely not going to accept that in front of anyone, much less the source.

out of the corner of your eye you noticed the center being cleared, lights dimming down. as if that was exactly what he was waiting for he extended a hand and did a little bow, and you wondered just how many people has he charmed to be this confident.

"great to know you're interested." he said and before you could deny that he tilted his head towards the center, where few had gathered. "a dance? something to break your assumptions." his smile wasn't inviting, it was challenging. everything about him seemed mischievous, as if he was upto no good.

still you accepted, and he was a good dancer. he swayed you right, the dip was perfect— though his hold did get tight suddenly.

dick on the other hand, he wasn't looking at the pretty lady in his arms, no, he was looking at his brother right across the room shooting daggers at him. he smiled back, wide and smug, before mouthing, "she's really gorgeous."

Jason's fist tightened as his jaw clenched in unmasked ire at his brother's antics. he would have regretted coming here, as he always does, but he really can't stand you in his arms.

so what happened was he had... eavesdropped on your conversation with your friend. he only wanted to check up on you but the mention of gala really caught his attention. more when the name Wayne reached his ears, he should have left at that. he never attends Bruce's galas, hates them with a passion— not to mention any interaction with bruce that puts him in the spotlight really throws him off. but then you wore the earrings— his earrings. and just like that his heart swayed.

it swayed so hard to the point he doned on the suit, full black and formal. and while the stares and whispers made his eyes twitch, he was far too enamored by the sight of you, beautiful and stunning. he can't help the pride that swells in his chest as the earrings glint in the warm light, he does have impeccable taste.

he would have approached first, he really wanted to but he wasn't red hood right now, he wasn't the red you knew, he was just.. jason. the man who promised to text back for the settlement of the coffee but left you on unread. yeah he really forgot about that.

and he was content with simply watching, but apparently his brother wasn't. dick was already flabbergasted when jason called him to let him know he's coming, reluctantly requesting him to handle bruce in case he swarms jason. and ever the curious cat that dick is, he needed to know why the sudden change of heart.

and his eyes followed Jason's line of direction and settled on you, immediately remembering you from the cafe.

now being the good brother he is, it is his... duty, you can say, to push his brother on the right path. and so that is why he is swaying with you, your innocent yet awkward smile in sharp contrast to Jason's glare at a distance.

his dimples simply deepened as he watched jason literally march to where you are, so confidently and smoothly evening out his frown before plastering the same charming smile dick has.

"really sorry to cut in." he wasn't. before you even knew what was happening, who it was and why the hell did dick wink at him—

oh.

Jason's hand engulfed yours, intertwining, while his hand slipped around your waist yet it felt as if it was hovering. he didn't even pull you close, the gap almost felt awkward yet his eyes didn't show that discomfort. he was giving you a choice, asking while respecting your space.

"you." you whispered out, and your brows raised slowly, "the guy who helped. jason was it?" you remembered his name, you weren't one to forget so easily. but it did hurt your ego a tad bit to not get a text back, its not like you were hitting on him, you simply wanted to return back the money.

his lips pulled into a sheepish smile as he looked away for a moment, cursing his past self for his stupid decisions. it made sense at that moment, to keep you at an arms length. "one and only."

you stepped closer to him, letting your hand rest on his chest, a silent permission and in an instant his hovering hand rested on your waist. it was just a simple touch, you shouldn't make a big deal out of it yet his touch burnt you— it seared through the very fabrics and found its way to your heart. neck warmed, heart thudded— your breath stuttered for a good second, but it wasn't noticeable enough, you hope.

it was to him.

he looked different, maybe its the lights or the suit, but he looked different, dashing. beautifully so. you couldn't help the subtle way your eyes lingered on him, not stagnant on a particular point but all of him. eyes, cheeks, scars, neck, lips—

"i really want to apologise. for not texting." he said, making your eyes snap up and you hoped he didn't notice how sweaty your hands got, or felt the heat searing your body.

he did.

of course he noticed, he noticed everything— he sees everything. but you don't, and for that he's thankful. he's entirely thankful that you didn't feel the twitch of his hand on your waist, simply to bury the need to pull you closer. you didn't notice the way his eyes softened when you let him be close, the way his lips parted. he could finally let his eyes be, admire you in your beauty while being jason and not red.

"can i know why?" he twirled you and gently tugged you back in his arms, they didn't feel cagey. for some odd reason something about him felt... familiar. the proximity was less than it was with dick, yet it didn't raise any flags in your head.

"i mean i wasn't hitting on you. just wanted to return your money." you shrugged and that tone was enough to drag him out of his happy reverie, plunge him in ice cold water because you do not sound very pleased right now.

"i forgot about it— im so sorry." he winced out a smile as he swayed you a bit more, more snug and your eyes narrowed amusingly, " i forgot about it and since i don't bother with unknown numbers—"

"i mentioned my name. and i think i even added that im the person from the cafe." you cut through, faking an innocent tone but your eyes conveyed all the skepticism you felt , "the very same day too. so unless you've got amnesia— which you clearly don't— i don't see how you forgot about it." your smirk was challenging, taunting and his heart roared. it fucking roared in his chest. he should feel even a tiniest bit guilty but he doesn't. his mistake did lead to seeing you being mean and scathing— he loved that.

and as if some higher power (dick) was helping him, the tempo changed. it was faster than before, it had more tension.

it got his blood rushing, putting his rational side on the bench and letting his heart dictate every move. it was dangerous, it was stupid.

but did it matter?

one look at you, the slight pull of a smile on your lips and he doesn't even have to answer.

nope.

legs worked faster, his hands gripped yours harder, twirled you faster— till your back collided with his chest. you felt the slight brush of his jaw on your cheek, the smell of aftershave. the man you met in the cafe was gentle, reserved but nice. the man you're in the arms of is far more than that.

"anyway i can make it up to you?" he twirled you back around and pulled you close, his hand flat on your back. he tilted his head, and suddenly the gap lessened even more. you could see his eyes— the deep blue, the green. his pupils were dilated, depths that seemed to snatch you in them.

"by taking back the money i guess— you're good at this." you huffed out in slight surprise, your brows furrowing and he chuckled, deep and low enough to reverberate through you. "glad i could impress you."

"you were impressing me?"

"thought that was obvious?"

"no i thought you wanted to forget about me—"

you let out an inaudible gasp as he dipped you suddenly. you didn't know whether to be shocked or mad at him. but your heart didn't care for either, thudding so hard you wouldn't be surprised if the whole fucking room heard it.

"let me take buy you a coffee as an apology?" he whispered, smiling so smugly you scoffed at his audacity as he pulled you up.

"are you asking me out after ignoring me for weeks— no, months?" you questioned cheekily and he laughed, "im never gonna hear the end of it won't i?"

"you sound like you're already sure i agreed. i didn't yet."

"you didn't say no either."

"but i can."

"you won't though."

you glared at him but the smile on your lips gave away your amusement. your eyes caught kira in a distance, wiggling her brows at you.

you stopped before taking a step back, your body didn't appreciate being robbed of his warmth though. "it was nice meeting you again, jason."

suddenly grabbed your hand as you were about to walk past him, "the earrings look beautiful on you by the way." he smiled before walking away, the tip of his ears suddenly red despite the confidence he presented. your hand instinctively touched your earring and you smiled, yeah they are.

Jason's world was crashing down, hands twitching, curling and uncurling as it lamented the loss of you. he got a taste, and now he wants more. he already thought he had enough as red, meeting you in those little stolen moments were enough. but now he saw how you'd look in his arms.

his heart craves that.

its a storm in him, he should keep his distance. sever all ties all together, both as red hood and as jason. that would be the smart thing to do, the right thing. he shouldn't entangle his personal and vigilante life together, not that they weren't already. but at least to you, red and jason were different. and he thought both were undeserving of the warmth of life, all until you.

so why won't his heart want you? selfish, greedy— whatever his heart was it didn't matter, he didn't care. there was more than just a pull towards you, you had already made a snug little home in his heart and he couldn't find it in himself to evict you out. his mind and heart were yet again in a clash.

his phone vibrated. his brows furrowed as he looked down at it. immediately he scoffed out a laugh, you wired back the money. and texted him a lil something.

i don't like owing people. also i'm only free on weekends.

he shook his head. what storm, what clash? it didn't matter. it never did. you were already carving a you shaped hole through the walls around his heart.

"why the hell you didn't tell me you danced like that?!"

jason rolled his eyes at dick. he forgot how both him and bruce must have seen it all.

"i didn't know i could either." he muttered under his breath but dick didn't care, he wiggled his brows again.

"you guys looked snug and cosy."

"that you did." where the hell did Alfred come from?

"we were just dancing!"

"why didn't you tell me you were coming jason? and who was that lady?" great now bruce spawned out of nowhere.

"is this an interrogation?" he grumbled under his breath but dick only grinned.

"did she say yes?"

"to what?" jason frowned in frustration.

"you asked her out. did she say yes?" now he frowned for a whole different reason.

"i didn't—"

"you're dating?"

"excellent choice, master jason."

"im not—"

"oh he is. oh i wish everyone could see it." dick sighed exaggeratedly.

"you will tell no one—"

"already did."

jason rubbed his face as he looked up at the ceiling.

"i will shove your face in that horrible cake."

"....it wasn't horrible :("

taglist: @itzmeme @bmyva1entine @sept3mberchild @lightthatgoout @satan-s-ass @deadbeatphobos @starshinegrl @ttdamian

reblogs are appreciated :D

[pizzaapeteer]

speed dating

mattheo riddle x fem! reader. week 1 of @acourtofchaos festivalofau event!!

street racer!mattheo can't take his eyes off you even when he's driving, especially when you bring his heart to life by impressing him with your own skills.

an: big thanks to my love leigh for proofreading <3 I don't know anything about cars - this is very much inspired/uses fast and furious scenes, and I look forward to eventually writing a full fic for this au. ty for your patience as always <3 wc: 1.9k

"Okay, so next time, we're definitely dancing," you say with excited exasperation, the two of you exiting the rowdy Cuban restaurant and into the heart of street life. It's nearing 11pm on Friday, the beat of the night is picking up pace, like the rhythm of a song, the lively chatter blending into the roars of cars flashing by you.  

He laughs, shaking his head, "oh sweet cheeks, you won't catch me dancing," sliding his hands from his pockets, he places one on your lower back, gently guiding you respectfully. "Or at least not till the fourth shot of tequila."

The sound is so deep and rich; a low hum like a car's engine that makes your insides squirm with delight, and then he smiles like he's been doing all night. His lips curling up on the edges in a way that if his eyes weren't matching its sincerity, he'd have you queasy in an entirely different way. 

The way he looks at you, brown eyes that glimmer with warmth under the glow of the amber streetlights, as if light is blooming out from inside him. It's hard not to get attached, and that's the last thing you need right now. You've only known him a week. But there's something enticing, though dangerous about him, like a shot of whiskey knowing it's going to burn on the way down but overall spreading a fire of heat in the pit of your stomach. 

Offering him an infectious smile of your own playing on the challenge presenting itself. "Sounds as if you're encouraging me to get you intoxicated." Ardently, you raise a brow at his inquiry. "Is that something that interests you?" 

"There are a lot of things about you that interest me." His eyes sparkle with mystery, as he grins boyishly like he knew the affect those words would have on you.

You play it cool and collected, smiling back at him, the two of you strolling side by side, the silence isn't uncomfortable, and it hardly seems quiet with your heart becoming erratic, thumping around inside your ribcage like a hummingbird's wings. 

You pass by distinct smells of nicotine, a cigarette shared by couples couped in the alcoves of their doorways. Clangs and rackets of neighbourhood cats, balancing along fences, chasing one another. There are bopping beats of music heard from the thriving clubs and bars further down, invitingly attracting groups of young people from all over town. 

"So, this is me, my ride." Mattheo comments, as he stops you outside a parked bright orange car. He's offered to take you home, for a multiple of reasons. Some are selfish, wanting to show off his baby, not that he thinks you'll be highly interested, but it's his ego and pride, and it's worn just like the paint and wax shining proudly on the exterior. 

Other reasons, safety and protectiveness. He's always cared about women, and while he's only known you a week, he's grown extremely fond of you. He doesn't want you catching the bus like how you got here. And well, third, he just can't take his eyes off of you. He's never smiled so damn much on a date, the unfamiliar feeling of it beginning to make him nauseous. But it will be worth it, if it means he gets to see more of you.

"Woah, no way! You drive a supra turbo MKIV? That's so sick." The sudden and surprising exclamation from you makes his heart pound faster. Your jaw is practically touching the concrete, unable to pull your eyes away from the beast before you, a glimmer of awe in your eyes. That is before you remember you're actually trying to impress Mattheo and not come across like a psychotic car fanatic, clearing your throat and tucking your hair back timidly. "I mean it's, um, a pretty colour." 

He laughs heartily, amused by your quick and terribly obvious action to hide your knowledge of cars. He flashes you a charming smile, feeling in wonder at the woman beginning to unravel, fishing his keys out. "You know cars?”

Pulling your eyes off of his car, you nod, admitting your fascination with them with a wide grin, "Yeah, a thing or two."

“You wanna take a spin?"

Flabbergasted, you speak, "What, seriously?" When you realize stupidly, this is your only way home you're clambering into the vehicle with buzzing excitement. It's so beautiful, the interior's sleek black seats lined with soft leather that have you sinking right into them. 

The dashboard illuminates, lighting up a neon orange, and the roar of the engine comes to life. It’s loud and powerful and makes your heartbeat full of adrenaline, a smile gracing your lips with excitement. Mattheo's expression matches yours, his eyes blown a little darker, revving the car again, the deep rumble vibrating down to his bones. He flicks on the radio before he shifts the clutch into drive, taking off down the road and merging into the mainstream flow. 

It's busy, the night awakening with charged energy as Mattheo swerves in and out between gaps of cars, the wind blowing through your hair, the summer warmth of ocean breezes. "Where do you wanna go?"

You look over at him, only to find him already looking at you. The contact makes your pulse spike just like the kilometers increasing on the dash are. Your heartbeat pounds in your head, matching the roaring of the car. You don't even know him that well, and yet you have full trust in his ability to maneuver through the thick onslaught of traffic without looking.

He’s clearly got an edge of cockiness to him as his eyes continue to flicker back and forth, always taking the extra time to focus his gaze on you just a little longer. "Up for ice cream?" The casualness in which he asks makes you laugh, "Might wanna keep your eyes on the road, pretty boy."

“Why you think we’re gonna crash?”

Flashing him a playful grin, you shrug. "Not sure yet. Should I be making a bet?"

He grins, enthused by your lack of worry, his hand shifting up the gear and pressing his foot harder onto the acceleration, the two of your eyes staying locked in contact. Mattheo's eyes no longer resembled that cool tone of warmth he exerted in the restaurant. They shine brightly with a glimmer of exhilaration and a hint of darkening mischief. His smile is full and broad, expressing the thrill and joy he felt, like a boy with his favourite toy. 

The car zips with smooth control in between gaps, as flashes of vehicles pass in a blur on either side. The steady hum of vibrations continues drowning out the radio completely. All that's left is the wind, and the intense atmosphere shared between the two of you, making you wanna stay in the car forever.

A wave of disbelief cascades out of you with a breath of relief when he finally breaks, slowing down for the nearest stoplight. His eyes finally break their contact from you, and he relaxes his grip, flexing his fingers on the steering wheel. Taking the next right, he pulls up to the sidewalk, outside an adorable ice cream shop. He tousles his dark curls, gazing at you with admiration he can't help but feel a sense of pride for your reaction to his flirtation. "How this?" Your body feels electric, the familiar dopamine rush fuelling every nerve. It's been so long since you got in a car this fast, you're craving more. "Not bad show pony." Grinning, you run a hand through your windblown hair, detangling the newly made knots.

"Driving or the dessert?" Mattheo asks, offering a toothy grin, angling his body towards you, resting his arms along the tops of the steering wheel. He's eager to impress. It's not often Mattheo wants to put real effort into his dates with pretty ladies. His mind constantly set on autopilot, a two-step routine. 1. Rev the beast and blow her mind and 2. rev his beast and blow her mind. 

And now he sits, admiring a beautiful woman, sitting in his passenger seat, looking like she's stepped straight out one of Enzo's automobile sex magazines. Excluding the lack of clothing, though, his mind has already gone there. But there's something more about the way you're looking at him, a burning blaze of wildness that lights your face. It's radiant and alluring and he feels the pull, the magnet attracting him further in, something you're offering he didn't know he wanted.

You huff, amused, and don't answer yet, letting his question linger in the charged space between you two. "Both." Pleased with your answer he begins to exit the car when you spit out the proposed suggestion, an itch that's dying to be scratched. "But! may I counter a second opinion?" He sits back down at your polite protest, shrugging, he doesn't mind what the two of you do as long as you're enjoying yourself. "Yeah, sure just tell me where you wanna go."

"Actually, is it cool if i drive?" With a flutter of your lashes, you give him your best adorable smile full of sweetness, a known trick of yours to make a man concave in a heartbeat.

He raises an intrigued brow, wanting to make sure he's heard you correctly. "You want to drive?" The genuine smile on your face melts his heart, and he's suddenly stammering around like a dickhead, "Ah-I mean yeah alright."

As the two of you switch places, he can't help but think what the hell he's even doing, letting some random chick drive his baby. But it's that look in your eye, the sense of belonging and ease in which you sink into the driver's seat, that makes him relax with full faith you won't crash his precious car. 

Gripping the soft leather of the steering wheel, you immediately feel at home in the right seat. Familiar goosebumps of excited nerves prickle at your skin, turning the ignition, awakening the car back to life. Pressing your now bare foot hard onto the acceleration, you veer off, merging back into the nighttime flow of traffic. The prodigies breathe, blasts through the vehicle as you turn the speaker up, giggling with comfort. 

Mattheo watches bemused by your infectious happiness, how comfortable and free you appear. The wind fanning out through your hair, as you grip the wheel with a sense of familiarity glancing at him every so often with full-blown bliss. The car cruises into downtown Miami; zooming along the roads smoothly and Mattheo starts up the conversation again. "Not bad-" his words halt on his tongue as the car swerves, swinging around wide, cutting across the next lane spinning in a 180, positioning the car backwards. That contagious laugh fills the car once again, as blares of horns honk from left and right at the sudden commotion. His sweet brown eyes widen in surprise, and you giggle again at his reaction, snapping your head behind to see where to go. The car waltzes in and out of spaces, maneuvering skillfully between the lanes.  He’s never believed in a god above, or soulmates or true love for that matter, but in that moment as his heart threatens to jump right out of his body he’s sure destiny has thrown him a bone and landed the most perfect woman in his lap. With everything he's learnt about you in the last couple hours, this knocks it all out of the park. How can a woman be this hot? His body is tense, including his cock that he swears is spurring to life faster than the miles on the dash are pushing. 

He's frozen, mesmerized at the scene, stuck in a state of pure astonishment and awe. His pulse is rising as he looks at the window, watching how the car swerves sharply. Repositioning itself facing forwards, to take the next right onto the offramp, leaving behind the sounds of tires screeching and another round of horns blaring behind. Glancing at him, another free-flowing giggle escapes catching his bewildered stare, the car coming to a halt outside a charming sorbet parlour. Cutting the engine, you slip your shoes back on and exit the car. He's still a little dazed comprehending the fact he wants to skip the rest of the date and drive you straight to bed the keys landing in his lap. You offer one of your famous shit-eating grins already on the pavement, “come on, keep up, Bambi.”

⤷ navigation. ⤷ masterlist. ⤷ mattheo riddle masterlist. ⤷ dividers. please do not steal, copy, or claim as your own, all work belongs to me©️pizzaapeteer 2025. ty for reading!!!

[the-library-alcove]

Annotated Debate Between Hen Mazzig and Kei Pritsker

Source

Full text and commentary under the cut, original annotations done on Google Docs here, being shared here on tumblr due to some people being unable to see the comments.

Commentators include myself, @strangestructures, and several others.

~~~~

Hen Mazzig: My name is Hen Mazzig. I’m an Israeli author, activist, advocate and founder of the Tel Aviv Institute. I was born and raised in Israel. My family came from Iraq and North Africa and I live in London today with my partner. He is not Jewish. My focus is on Jewish advocacy and fighting antisemitism and hate online in all its forms.

Kei Pritsker: I’m Kei Pritsker. I’m co-director of The Encampments. I’m a journalist with Breakthrough News.

(Here is Kei's Canary Mission profile; https://canarymission.org/individual/Kei_Pritsker)

HM: I was just interested in your background, Kei.

KP: I mean I’m a journalist, I’m a student activist. I was involved in the Palestinian student groups. This is an issue I’ve been involved in heavily for a big period of my life.

(Kei refuses to give any personal background, sticking solely to professional, in contrast to how Hen gives both his personal and professional background in relation to this conflict.

Yeah, I tried to look him up online and there's nothing about him. I could confirm that he's been involved in anti-Israel activism since at least 2017 (source: canary mission), so at least he's right that it's been a big period, not just since oct. 7.)

HM: Got it, OK sorry.

I want to start with a current event; we’ve had a couple in the past few weeks that speak to both your areas of expertise. First with the Mahmoud Khalil arrest and deportation proceedings, and then the Mohsen Mahdawi case more recently. I wonder if each of you can describe how you feel about both cases. Kei, this in your wheelhouse, maybe you can start.

KP: Ya, I mean it was really horrifying to wake up to that news of Mahmoud being arrested. Our team found out like everyone else just on social media or news notifications. Having known him this was particularly devastating. But the way I see this is as something that really reflects the success of the encampments movement and the Palestine movement. The reason this is happening — the reason Mahmoud was arrested — his only crime is speaking out against the genocide and speaking in support of the Palestinian people.

(False; while Trump was doing it in a hamfisted way, there's no question that Mahmoud was in violation of the terms of his green card by supporting terrorist organizations and supporting attacking citizens. Also, Genocide Canard counter is at 1.)

And he is now being abducted.

(This language is conflation between a man held in detention but still able to communicate, and the Israeli hostages being held by Hamas)

The reason for it is Israel knows they’ve lost the narrative, they’ve lost the battle of ideas, they’ve lost the argument, and the encampment movement really proved they’ve lost the next generation.

("Israel controls the US government" Canard--presenting the crackdown as being done at the instigation and direction of the Israeli government, as if Trump wouldn't do it on his own for his own reasons)

Because of this they’ve resorted to the last tool in their toolbox, which is essentially repression, censorship. This is why there’s such a concerted effort from the Trump administration to ban pro-Palestine speech, to ban freedom of expression. I can’t even think of a country you get deported for criticizing in the United States besides Israel.

(Also that they are trying to in some way center the Palestine situation in the USA context. When they say that is only in the USA that there is this "repression" against speaking for Palestine)

So while it was initially very shocking it really seems now this is a concerted effort to criminalize speaking out for Palestine.

(Continued "Israel Controls the US Government" Canard, plus "We're just criticizing the Israeli government!" downplaying of their actions.)

Because the mood and the consciousness in the U.S. has changed so much. There was a poll that came out recently that showed that for the first time in decades American perceptions of Israel are majority negative.

(If it's the poll that's been circulating on tumblr, I looked at the numbers and posted a more detailed analysis (https://www.tumblr.com/strangestructures/782103564186189824/that-is-definitely-concerning-however-the?source=share), and the truth is still that across all age groups, there are more people with a favorable opinion of Israel than a negative one. And a lot of people, especially in the younger cohort (18-24), simply don't care.)

This is because of the work of the pro-Palestine movement and people seeing what Israel is about in the last two years and learning about the history of Zionism. People are starting to wake up to what it really is and I think they’ve lost the narrative and now they’re resorting to abductions, and it’s shameful and disgusting and I think it will blow back in their face.

Hen, what do you make both of what Kei is saying and the actions the administration has taken in recent weeks?

HM: Yeah, no it’s absolutely ridiculous to hear this response from Kei to be honest. I think that using words like abducted — we know what being abducted is; my family members and friends have been abducted on October 7 by Hamas, a terrorist group, that had been celebrated by the same people presented in this film.

(I want to add to this and note how Khalil is getting to write Op-Eds for newspapers, while hostages held by Hamas get used for propaganda videos)

And to speak to us about how the Trump administration is being controlled by Israel — somehow Israel is infiltrating America while with the encampments on college campuses, specifically campuses that have been bankrolled by Qatar, funders of Hamas gave billions of dollars to those American universities and in the last few years we’ve seen the radicalization of these students.

(Kei ignores and don't mention this point. I don't know if is because he knows or because he knows that even mentioning it is going to make him look bad)

While I’m personally not a supporter of Trump or these tactics of taking people and deporting them, I think we should be very mindful of the words that we’re using. And I think [pro-Palestine activists] know what they’re doing. The reason that they’re framing it this way is to equate the students that have spent 18 months making the lives of Jewish students a living hell, that’s why they intentionally exclude from the movie any voice of Jewish students. 

[And portraying the Jewish students at the encampments] equates to “we’re not racists, we have some Black folks we can push forward.” Kanye West was quoted as saying that slavery was a choice. Is he a voice for the Black community? Of course not. No one would argue that. But here we are with encampments taking a fringe minority of American Jews that do not represent the American Jewish community which by and large is Zionist. Over 90 percent of American Jews describe a positive feeling toward Israel according to Pew Research. 

So this whole, really, charade — it’s a way to mask a lot of hatred and turn it against us, as if we’re to blame for their arrests or attacks on Jewish students who are fearing for their lives. In the encampments you hear calls like “al-Qassam’s next target.” Mahmoud Khalil has links to Hamas. The Instagram page of one of these anti-Israel groups at Columbia activating their page just moments before the attacks on Oct 7. The leader of Iran is sending them praises, Ali Khamenei saying, “I’m so proud of what you’re doing.”

(This, exactly; he's not being deported for "protesting Israel", he's being deported for supporting terrorists.

Also add that when is convenient they ignore that they received Iran's support. They probably try to clean themselves as an effort of making propaganda against them.)

I mean I would be ashamed. I would not be saying this is a success. I don’t even know how they can hold both arguments in their heads, to say “we are being silenced ” while we’re seeing this everywhere in the media, from The New York Times to CNN to BBC, everyone is covering it as if it’s the only conflict that ever happened in the world, as if it’s the only war, while in Sudan or in Darfur — I don’t want to get into whataboutism so I won’t even name the countries that are having far worse human rights violations that are getting zero attention. 

So I think the question here is why are we talking about those students that have used hate speech against Jews specifically for over 18 months as being the targets but not speaking of actual victims of deportation? Why are we talking about privileged students at Columbia that can afford hundreds of thousands of dollars to attend those universities and they’re becoming the victim? It’s very bizarre to me.

Kei, what do you make of Hen’s assertion that in your movie pro-Israel Jewish voices were not platformed, and that conversely some of the backgrounds of pro-Palestinian activists were played down?

KP: Hen, did you watch our film? 

HM: Absolutely.

KP: Yeah I mean so there’s a whole scene dedicated to the pro-Israel presence at these encampments and how these pro-Israel students would go up to the encampments and tell people “you should be raped, I hope you’re raped,” “you should be killed, if you went to Gaza you’d be killed—

(So no actual reporting on pro-Israel Jews, no discussion, just one scene of them shouting at the encampments. Though I do admit this went too far.)

HM [sarcastically]: Raped? Why would they use this example?

KP: —for being gay.” There was also this lynch mob, the pro-Israel lynch mob that descended on UCLA and actually dragged students out of the encampments and beat them bloody and also fired fireworks into the encampments, which very well can kill people. You know, we did show both sides.

("Show both sides" = "cherry pick one example")

We showed what pro-Israel students said to the pro-Palestine side and we also showed the non-Zionist pro-Palestine Jewish students as well because quite frankly the media coverage you’re talking about — Hen you said the media coverage of the encampments was wall-to-wall coverage. You’re right but the coverage was 100 percent slanted in favor of Israel.

(Bullshit; media biases have been consistently in favor of Hamas on the Left.  Also, "Jews control the media" canard.)

All the coverage was talking about alleged antisemitism, people being attacked and “oh my god it’s these dens of violence.”

(Supposedly the fact that there is a reporting in antisemitism that there is in the encampments it make is automatically pro-Israel because is against the movement. This is a false equivalence.)

Not only was there no truth to that, not only was there no video of that shown which, by the way, in the October 8 film there’s no video or evidence shown of any Jewish students being attacked.

(Funny, I've seen plenty of videos of people from these encampments attacking Jews, threatening them, or otherwise engaging in violence--typically while having their faces covered.

There's also the whole "not letting jews get to class" by putting the encampments in the way thing. Not sure to what extent blocking someone's path counts as violence, but...)

The evidence they put forward of antisemitism was people saying “Free Palestine” or “From the River to the Sea.” Yes the media coverage was wall to wall — obsessing over antisemitism that didn’t exist.

(Jews don't get to define antisemitism canard, plus the whole denial of a hostile environment.)

The purpose of putting our film out was to balance the unfair coverage of the media — which by the way was coming from people who never stepped foot in an encampment. I was there, I lived in the Columbia encampment for 12 days. Hen, the reason I live in the United States is because on my father’s side my grandparents were kicked out of Ukraine because of antisemitic pogroms.

(See, this would have been something to mention back at the start, Kei.  But your choice of words are interesting, because it makes it very clear that you weren't raised as a Jew, and the closest Jewish connection you can claim is two generations back.)

If I saw real antisemitism there I would have left, I would have covered it, I would have said something about it. I didn’t see it at all. 

(This isn't Real antisemitism Canard)

What we wanted to cover was the anti-Zionist Jewish students, which is a growing phenomenon, thousands, tens of thousands, millions of young Jews in the United States

(eyeroll There aren't "millions of young Jews" in the entire world, just as a matter of demographics.  Unless you're somehow claiming that every Jew under 30 is an "antizionist", then mathematically can't be, and that's before we even get into the fact that the number of antizionist Jews is somewhere in the ballpark of at most one million Jews.  at most, being under ten percent of fifteen million people. So this is the "Silent Moral Majority" logical fallacy.

They also seem to not realize that when centering in the anti-Zionist jews they are not showing a jewish perspective because the other parts of the group, the ones that don't have an opinion or are zionist, are not considered for the film and also banned from the encampments.)

are realizing their Judaism doesn’t have to be tied to Jewish ultranationalism,

(Redefining zionism canard)

or a Jewish ethnostate

(ethnostate canard)

that kills people, that bombs hospitals, that bombs schools

(falling for Hamas' policy of why they use human shields the way they do)

and says that Palestinians have no right to live in their country of origin.

(Generalizing the opinions of the Israeli far-right as being the common one from the in all Israelis)

Jews are reacting to that en masse. So that’s my goal. To balance out the narrative which was completely skewed by the mainstream media.

("Jews control the media" canard)

We put something out and let the students speak for themselves.

Hen, Kei is making the point that there was a lot of vilification happening of these students, whether from the media or elected officials. What would your response to that be? And particularly in terms of Jewish protesters, we see in the film scenes of Jewish students who are actively practicing their Judaism in the encampments,

(I'm sure they exist, but I also can't help but think about the JVP "seder plate" and "sukkah". In general, the way Judaism is practiced in the camp feels very performative, and in many cases it's quite noticeable that these are people for whom practicing Judaism is unusual, either because they are disconnected from their community or because they are not actually Jews.)

and who are making a case for being Jewish without the state of Israel. How should we be looking at them in your view?

HM: Ya. I mean there are anti-Zionist Jews that exist in the world. For some reason they receive the majority of the representation in this film. That is my issue. The majority of American Jews are Zionists and you can add another seven million Jews in Israel. So you can say it’s a “growing phenomenon” but there are a lot of “growing phenomena” that are still very small and not representative. It’s like saying Caitlyn Jenner speaks for all trans women. No one would make this argument but here we are able to tokenize a minority, a fringe community, and weaponize it against us. It’s not because they care about Jews and wants Jews to be represented. It’s that they hate us so much that they’re doing this and gaslighting us. I’m sorry I’m getting passionate but it’s really I feel like they’re living in a different universe. I’ve seen the videos on these campuses — not the encampments because for some reason I’m not allowed there — but I’ve seen the violence in the videos of these young Jewish students that send them to me and they’re afraid for their safety. They kidnapped a janitor that was not even Jewish in Columbia.

(This is ignored by Kei and doesn't try to refute it.)

For anyone to say there was not antisemitism in the encampments is completely ludicrous. They weren’t saying support Palestine, they were calling for support for Hamas. 

Even the October 8 film that Kei was mentioning there were clips of protesters saying they were Hamas, a terrorist organization that brutalized and killed over 1,000 Israelis on October 7 — kidnapped, killed babies, raped people. That’s why a lot of Jewish students were so upset and were calling out the rape of young girls that came back from Hamas captivity and testified about rape. We have recorded testimony of rape from a former hostage, Amit Soussana, and instead of engaging with that she was gaslighted and told she was lying. I’m sure that’s where those comments came from about rape. They are terrible comments. But I also think we need to recognize the pain Jewish students are going through. So if it’s true that someone said that someone should be raped, and I don’t know if it really happened, but if it happened I think it’s horrible and I also think it’s horrible to tell Jewish women they weren’t raped, and to deny it and say that Jews aren’t in danger when their dorms are being vandalized and the chants of “Zionists Get Out” when we know the majority of Jews are Zionists. How do you expect them to feel? Most Jews believe in Israel’s right to exist — that’s what Zionism is. So this chant is coded hate against Jews. 

Kei, you’re privileged enough not to feel intimidated, good for you. The majority of Jewish students that I know and have spoken to, the majority of Jews in America, have a completely different experience than you. So it’s great you’re able to be a part of a tiny, tiny piece of the Jewish community and you take this and put your energy into presenting something but it’s just not the truth and it’s not reality and it’s completely whitewashing the violence and the hate that has been documented over and over again. You can see it anywhere, anyone can Google it, I don’t even need to cite it because there’s so much of it.

KP: if you’re saying there was violence that took place, tell me what happened.

(Hen gave specific citations and examples, so this qualifies as a goalpost move.  "No violence occurred."  "Yes it did, here are some specific examples."  "Give me more examples.")

HM: Oh you think if you put a sign that says “al-Qassam’s next target” is that an issue for you or is that something legitimate? Is that a call for violence or not?

KP: Sorry, well you said someone was attacked. Who got attacked?

HM: I’ll find you some — I mean everyone can Google all of those cases but yeah there were Jewish students that were attacked. In Los Angeles I remember the bloody face of the student that was attacked.

KP: Yeah those were students in the Palestine encampment. It’s in our film; did you watch our film? Those students in the Palestine encampment that were ripped out and beaten by a Zionist mob and they fired fireworks into the UCLA encampments.

(Double standard of the violence only committed against the encampment are the ones that should be critize.)

That was pro-Israel violence. Those were pro-Israel people that beat up pro-Palestinian students. Who were the Jewish students who were attacked again?

HM: Do you think that calling to kill Jewish students is ok? That’s not attack, that’s not violence for you?

KP: I don’t agree with it. But it’s speech. It’s not violence.

(This is coming from the same ideology that views misgendering someone as an act of violence, but apparently saying someone is a terrorist group's next target is just "free speech".  Please note the parallel with the same sort of behavior on the Right.)

HM: Oh it’s speech? To call someone to be killed is speech Kei? Are you serious?

KP: I don’t agree with it. But you said someone was attacked.

HM: I’m sending links, don’t worry, I’m sending links. Here you go. [Links appear in chat.] This is one link to an incident with two Jewish students at DePaul. Don’t worry I’ll get you all the links and all the sources.

If I can distill what you both are saying a little. There seemed to be incidents that everyone here would agree are troubling. Telling a Jewish student they’re al-Qassam’s next target or to go back to Poland is not the kind of speech I think we can all agree should be used. Kei I guess the question as I hear it from Hen is whether you feel this was the norm, the culture, or this was anomalous or outside the encampment.

KP: So that’s exactly what I’m saying. Hen is kind of proving my point with the articles he’s sending. These articles are not from the encampments. I’m not speaking for every single person that has ever said “Free Palestine” in their life. I’m just saying the attacks he’s alleged weren’t attacks that took place at the encampments. [Looks at chat]. I mean you’re just spamming—

(Goalpost move; "Show me violence" shows violence  "these cases aren't valid because I have moved the goalposts, and you're spamming anyway, because these aren't valid evidence since I've moved the goalpost."

The goal post moved is the one of Violence on the Campus to violence in the encampments. Kei or he didn't remembered Hen point or he didn't heard it)

HM: Sorry, I’m sending too many examples of attacks on Jews.

KP: No, I mean you said a Jewish student was attacked.

HM: I said Jewish students were attacked. There were attacks of Jewish students in their dorms, there was an example of Jews in California attacked outside a synagogue. You say it wasn’t part of the encampment, it’s hard to identify when they have masks on. But this type of spirit is the one that is leading to violence against Jews. if you want to tell me that Jews were not attacked then we have a different issue and I mean you live in a different reality.

KP: So again what I’m saying is there were not attacks on Jewish students in encampments and none of these [links] are examples of that.

("I wonder why there are no attacks on a minority in a space that isn't allowed inside of it")

HM: Because they weren’t allowed in.

KP: And moreover there���s ample evidence of pro-Israel students attacking the encampments. I’m not speaking for every single protest that there was no bad conduct. I think we can all agree that anyone being attacked — that violence is not acceptable, that we shouldn’t be attacking people for their opinions. What I’m saying is that someone saying “from the river to the sea” — it’s in our film, a whistleblower who worked for Columbia and logged these cases of alleged antisemitism and a lot of it was people saying that or wearing a keffiyeh to class.

("Tu quque" fallacy, goalpost move, and several other fallacies--"there isn't any violence on his side, but even if there is, the Zionists do it too!  And besides, there hasn't been any violence inside of the encampments, and any examples of violence outside are downplayed and presented as "alleged antisemitism" or people chanting slogans or wearing a keffiyah, so the real violence is coming from the Zionists!")

These are not antisemitic things, these are people calling for an end to a 75-year occupation and humans rights abuses that have been condemned worldwide.

("Israel itself is illegitimate" canard)

It’s legitimate speech against — ironically — an actual violent occupation that’s happening in Palestine. 

Like that’s the thing that gets me — everyone keeps talking about “Jewish students feel unsafe because they see flags waving.”

(I mean, given the behavior they regularly see from people carrying these flags, yeah, it makes sense. I also feel concerned when I see a Palestinian flag waving these days, and I'm not even Jewish!

Also says a lot, because there have been repeated instances of people aligned with Kai saying that the Israeli flag makes Palestinians feel "unsafe".  So rules for thee but not for me, etc.

Oh yeah, didn't think about that. The reaction to the Israeli flag is a good example, for me, of the "Israel is ontologically evil" thing.)

Meanwhile the students are protesting an actual situation where entire cities are being wiped off the face of the earth.

(Exaggeration, and also falling for Hamas' human shields policy again)

Hen you have yet to say anything about that fact — you talk about the students on these campuses as privileged or whatever or people feeling unsafe walking to their dorms, but what about the fact that Israel has destroyed every single university in Gaza?

(Stripping context of this, along with the other accusations, to demonize Israel, instead of acknowledging that the reason for the destruction is because Hamas uses civilian infrastructure as shields.  But stated like this, it's this narrative that Israel just blows up hospitals, schools, and other civilian infrastructure just because they can out of simple cruelty, instead of "they have to because terrorists are using them as shields")

That’s what our film is about.

(I mean, as far as I understand the film is not about Gaza directly, but about anti-Israel activism at American universities, which is exactly what the discussion has been about. So yeah, definitely moving the goalposts.)

What do you have to say about that? What do you have to say about the safety of the Palestinian students?

HM: Ya I’ll speak about this in a second. I just want to point out that i did not say there were peaceful signs that triggered Jewish students. It was a student holding a sign that said “al-Qassam’s next target” with an arrow pointing to the Jewish student. Of course there was no violence in the encampments — the encampments were closed to Jewish students—

KP: —No that’s not true, there were Jewish students in the Columbia encampment in our film—

("We have tokens that we trot out to defend ourselves against accusations of bigotry!")

HM: —if i can finish my sentence. They were closed for Jewish students that would not sign off and say that they hate half of the world’s Jewish population in Israel.

(Kei ignores and doesn't engage in this part even to deny it. Also he ignores that a member of a minority is expressing how he is perceiving those attacks. That is a double standard.)

If they’re not going to say it they’re not going to get in. That’s why the attacks didn’t happen in the encampments — because there was no one to challenge [organizers]. They closed them down and made sure it would be a sterile area for Jews — not all Jews, the 90 percent of Jews that are Zionists in America. And for those students in the encampments — I mean I heard those testimonies of them not having humanitarian aid or getting enough food and I found it a bit bizarre. For someone who is advocating for peace for both Israelis and Palestinians and has been for years now, as someone who spent five years as a humanitarian officer working on building hospitals in Gaza and the West Bank and Hebron and Ramallah and building schools for Palestinians, it’s been part of my work so I’m deeply committed to promoting peace through building bridges this way. The situation in Gaza is horrific, it’s absolutely horrific. It’s been horrific since October 7 when the world was silent about what happened and it’s been horrific since then. 

You can quote Anthony Blinken saying that the protests around the world are part of what emboldened Hamas. Hamas continues to hold hostages, continues to oppress Palestinians in Gaza, and while according to what Kei is describing is one of the worst situations ever and yet they still refuse to release the hostages, they still refuse to end it. You know if they released the hostages there would not be justification to continue this war; this war would be over. We haven’t heard anyone in the encampments actually say this. “Why don’t you call for the release of the hostages,” someone asked them. They said “well, you know it goes without saying.” But everything else you need to say and  this fact you conveniently ignore?

If the hostages would be released the war would be over. Women have been raped in Gaza by Hamas and they haven’t said a word about it. Well they have said a word about it — they said you shouldn’t believe those Israeli women and said that those babies deserve to be killed because they live in Israel. While ignoring far worse human rights violations and getting praised from the Supreme Leader of Iran, one of the most brutal countries in the world for gay people. But they haven’t protested for those gay people, for gay Iranians, they haven’t said a word about them. They have an issue with Israel because according to what Kei is saying it’s an ethnostate. Show me another country in the Middle East that isn’t an ethnostate. But what type of ethnicity are we talking about? It is the Jewish one or the Arab one? My family is from Iraq and Tunisia, we have the same ethnicity. 

One last thing — this movie would have much more credibility if they didn’t have someone like Macklemore producing it. Someone who engaged in antisemitism and wore a Jewish nose and had Jewface on at a concert and he took up the Palestinian cause and is producing movies. Just very interesting why you’d be OK with someone that engaged in antisemitism to be the face of this movie. Would you be OK with someone that engaged in racism to be the face of a movie about the Black community?

KP: What’s this Macklemore issue?

(Out of all the things Hen said, Kei only concentrates on the one that affects him personally.)

HM: Why, it’s not a part of your film?

KP: I don’t know, what’s your issue with Macklemore?

HM: I’m asking if it’s a part of your film.

KP: If what’s a part of my film?

If Macklemore produced the film. He was an ep, yes?

KP: Ya he’s the executive producer.

HM: Yeah, so he has been criticized by the Jewish community for wearing a caricature of a Jewish nose onstage and Jewish beard and engaging in antisemitism to the point that he had to issue a public apology [in 2014] for what he did on stage in front of thousands of people.

KP: So I mean I actually didn’t know about this and just looked it up briefly and it looks like he apologized for it. It sounds like he made a mistake and I believe in people’s capacity to grow and apologize. As long as I’ve known him I’ve not gotten the sense he has an antisemitic bone in his body.

(And who are you that gets to decide that, Kei, as someone who is apparently outside of the Jewish community?)

He’s always talking to Jews and he’s been very outspoken about the issue of Palestine, that’s why we brought him on. Because he was someone who was outspoken after the genocide

(Genocide canard counter 2)

began, at great risk to his own career.

(I feel like the people defending Israel are at greater risk of being ostracized in creative communities, which destroys careers. But there were a few cases of people going too far and losing their jobs, so now anyone who "supports Palestine" is a potential martyr. And that's what they want to be, martyrs, because it puts them front and center and shows what good people they are.

Is this a form of getting the consequences out of proportion and center more in the "persecution" of the Pro-Palestine side than in the real numbers?)

So that’s why we chose him, and you know I can’t speak to anyone’s past but it sounds like— 

HM: I’m sorry, I’m sorry to interrupt it’s just really important that we point it out, Macklemore wore a long nose onstage with a Hasidic outfit and marked the Jewish community. This is directly leading to violence against Jews and we know that. Kei be honest, would you accept someone that used blackface?

KP: No, no of course not. But it looks like he apologized.

(You don't even know the details, but "it looks like he apologized" is enough. Great, I can do anything I want as long as I give a token apology!)

HM: Would you accept someone if they apologized, would you take them as a producer, if someone used blackface?

KP: I mean again, some people have the capacity to change. And if he knows he did something wrong then that’s OK. I wasn’t aware of it.

(Gotta love the double standard.  "Blackface is verboten but Jewface is okay if they've changed.")

If I can, I think the subtext of Hen’s question here if I’m understanding correctly is whether having Macklemore on the film coupled with the lack of hostage emphasis, whether that adds up to an antisemitic strain and not just an anti-Zionist strain, is that what you mean Hen?

KP: I just think this idea if he made a mistake and he apologized and Hen you’re making him out to be this raging antisemite.

(Again, who are you to say that he isn't? You're not Jewish, Kei.)

[On the hostages], there are Palestinian hostages. Israel imprisons tens of thousands of Palestinians every year — administratively detains them without charges. Children as young as 12 for throwing rocks at armed vehicles. I think if we’re talking about hostages we should talk about releasing hostages on all sides.

(So... acts of violence are okay, so long as the targets can shoot back, eh?

This is a double standard that or the Israeli are capable of defend themselves so they are valid targets?)

I mean I don’t understand the implication, you’re saying the students are antisemitic for not talking about Israel hostages but it would never be asked of the pro-Israel side to talk about the 10,000 Palestinians in Israeli prisons.

(It's interesting how just a few lines ago, "Israel is imprisoning tens of thousands of Palestinians every year for no reason", then gives a reason, and then says that there's only ten thousand.  What happened to the previous years' batches? I'm bringing this up not just to point out Kei's routine goalpost moving, but also to point out that he also routinely exaggerates and inflates numbers, percentages, and groups as part of appeals to emotion, while, in contrast, Hen gives specific details, which are then ignored)

We’re not asking Hen to justify these things. I don’t know why the students are being made to speak about 200 Israeli hostages.

("See, they don't count, because they're not as human as Palestinians, and we don't have consistent principles that say that any hostages are bad.  And I think that people kidnapped from their beds and babies are morally equivalent to people who are assaulting others with intent to injure or kill."

Also, I'm pretty sure that if I had the choice, I'd rather spend a year as a prisoner in Israel than a month as a hostage in Palestine. A prisoner and a hostage are not the same thing!)

Hen what would you say to that?

HM: Just to clarify, the 10,000 Palestinian prisoners — hostages, as he calls them — they have committed crimes and are held in Israeli prisons, right? And they get family visits by the International Committee of the Red Cross. I’ve actually facilitated many of those visits. And the ICRC goes and makes sure they’re being treated well. In fact in the latest hostage release eight Palestinian prisoners refused to go back to Gaza because they’ve enjoyed their treatment in these prisons more than they— 

KP: That’s absurd.

("I haven't heard about it so it can't be true.")

HM: — that’s not a lot. But it’s a reminder they’re not hostages and to frame them this way is just meant to do one thing and that’s to — 

KP: Sorry, I think they probably didn’t want to go back because Israel destroyed Gaza.

(Calls it absurd and then tries to reinterpret it in his favor.)

HM: Interesting, so they’d rather stay a hostage? No Israel hostage wanted to stay in the tunnels. That’s the difference.

KP: Yes, because Israel is the one responsible for killing many of the hostages.

(Ah yes, the "Israel kills it owns people" canard.)

If Netanyahu and Israel cared so much about the hostages they wouldn’t be carpet-bombing the place where the hostages are being held.

("Carpet bombing" canard.  If Israel was actually carpet bombing the Strip, the death toll would be orders of magnitude higher.)

HM: Kei, have you been to Gaza?

KP: What?

HM: Have you been to Gaza? Have you been to a war in your life? 

KP: No but I don’t need to go to Gaza— 

("The information I've vaguely absorbed is enough for me to know everything.")

HM: So don’t say people are being killed [by Israelis]. You know each time a hostage has been killed it’s a tragedy that crushes all of us. And also civilians. Any civilians dying in this war. It’s horrific to all of us. But for you to use that, to weaponize it against me to say “your army kills hostages.”

KP: How am I weaponizing?

HM: Those hostages should not have been kidnapped by Hamas. Those hostages should not have been taken from their beds by Hamas and held in tunnels and babies should not have been kidnapped from their beds with their mothers and the women should not have been taken from her bed and raped in the Gaza tunnels. The fact that you don’t speak about it is the issue when you focus on Gaza.

KP: So here’s the reality, and it’s something the protesters have been trying to point out, that this didn’t start on October 7.

(Trying to downplay the atrocity of the 7/10 with the crimes of Israel from before as that justifies it.)

HM: When did it start? When my family was forced out of Iraq in 1941? When?

KP: I mean you can go back 100 years to the First Zionist Congress. You could go back even further.

HM: So when?

KP: So the one thing I want to point out is the premise of your film is this whole war, this genocide,

(Genocide canard counter 3)

started on October 7, on October 8.

(which is interesting, because Israel didn't respond militarily inside the Strip for weeks afterward.  The only response on those days were from people like Kai, celebrating and throwing parties. Remember that one professor who said, on October 15th, that the attack was exhilarating and that anyone who disagreed wasn't human?)

But the genocide in Gaza started in 2007 when Israel imposed a full naval, ground and air blockade on Gaza.

(So, eighteen years of genocide, in which time the population tripled?  Can I trade?  I'll exchange 4 years of genocide with a 90% death rate for 18 years where the population balloons!)

HM: They have a border with Egypt.

KP: Let me finish.

HM: They have a border with Egypt. How did Israel enforce a blockade? Because Israel is supposed to be better? Oh, so you hold Israel accountable but not Egypt.

KP: No I criticize Egypt.

HM: Oh have you protested? I haven’t seen a single sign about Egypt, not even one. Not even in your film.

KP: Because the film wasn’t about the protests. 

(Double standard with "we criticize Egypt also" but our main concern is Israel.)

HM: Oh it was about Israel.

KP: We’re absolutely critical of the Egyptian government. But hold on let me finish. In 2007 Israel imposed a full blockade of the Gaza Strip, controlling everything that goes in and out.

(Yes, because Hamas started using the Strip as a base to attack Israel with, using anything they could get their hands on.)

This policy has been described as being akin to an open-air concentration camp, and not for no reason.

(Holocaust Inversion.

I always wonder since when this is a open concentration camp and how are they supposed to be being exterminated, by dying of hunger or by the hand of Hamas?)

There was an Israeli minister of the Knesset who once joked that Israel is putting the Gazans on a diet, and what he was referring to was that Israel controls the flow of food into Gaza so much so that they can actually calculate the caloric intake of the people there.

(I find it telling that this speech is worthy of condemnation (and it is) but telling someone that they're the next murder target of a terrorist organization is "free speech".

Double standard also because this is used without even considering the time when it was said, but when someone points out the "Curse upon the Jews" of Hamas this considered outdated.)

The genocide in Gaza started long before October 7.

(Genocide canard counter 5)

There was a UN report written in 2018 saying that Gaza would be uninhabitable by 2020. Before October 7, 95 percent of the water in Gaza was unfit for human consumption; the average Palestinian in Gaza got four hours of electricity.

(Gee, I wonder why?  Is it because Hamas trashed all of the infrastructure in order to repurpose it into rockets?  Oh wait, it is!

Also, I still don't understand why Israel is supposed to be responsible for water and electricity in Gaza, a region they completely left, despite the amount of humanitarian aid Gaza gets.

Because these people think that Gaza is an "open-air concentration camp" and is thus under Israel's complete panopticon and control.)

If you put people in an open-air concentration camp why should we be surprised they try to break out?

(That wasn't trying to break out, that was a killing spree.

Says a lot about their mindset, doesn't it?

They want to clean this saying that a good chunk of the hostages were killed by Israel and that the members of Hamas that really killed someone are a minority, downplaying it.)

Just to quickly clarify, Hen was not involved in the film October 8; there may be some confusion because Debra Messing who’s on his show was an executive producer. But to amplify Kei’s point, Hen, the idea from pro-Palestinian activists that this didn’t start on October 7 but long before — some say 1967 [when Israel captured territory and borders were redrawn] or 1948 — and October 7 was not a beginning but a culmination, how do you respond to that?

KP: This is Israel’s policy and of course collective punishment is a crime against humanity. Regardless of what you think about Hamas or what their role is, to starve two million people because they had an election [in 2007] and elected a government you don’t like is a crime against humanity.

(Good thing that, according to multiple sources, including the UN, there was never famine conditions inside the Strip!)

HM: That we “don’t like.” Do you think Hamas was elected democratically? Come on.

KP: They were. There were international observers that went there and oversaw the election, whether you like it or not is not really the question.

(It was only an election in all the time that Hamas has been in power. And then they said it has been Israel fault that Hamas has been in power this long.)

HM: That’s why there’s a war. Because we don’t like an election.

KP: My point if you leave people in a condition like that, why are we acting so shocked when they decide to break out?

(No, because they keep sending rockets to Israel.

Even before this, the rockets were just the status quo, like the weather.  The war was because Hamas invaded and went on a mass murder campaign.)

Were they supposed to just sit there and accept that and say “this is my new lot in life, I’m just going to live this way, I’m never going to question it, I’m never going to do anything about it? We’re just supposed to sit there and take it?”

(Double standard, Palestine can do anything they want in retaliation but the rockets that the Israeli receive they should do nothing.)

HM: No, so we’re supposed to sit there and take it when 1,200 people are being killed— 

KP: You’re collectively punishing—

HM: That’s what you’re saying though. You’re saying that we should take it.

KP: You’re collectively punishing everyone in Gaza.

HM: You’re saying we should take it, that we should allow them, because we don’t understand what it’s like to have borders, and if you have borders you should be allowed to go and take hostages.

KP: You are collectively punishing the people of Gaza for a crime they didn’t commit. Literally for having an election.

(Ignoring Hen point and doubling down in his version that what happened in 7/10 should not have formed a reaction like that and downplaying that is because they don't like Hamas)

HM: No. No, the war is not punishment. There’s a war because of October 7. Because of the massacre of 1,200 people in one day.

KP: No there’s a war because Israel is enforcing a genocidal blockade policy in Gaza.

(Genocide canard count 6)

HM: You are supporting 1,200 people being killed and a baby being choked to death— 

KP: You’re supporting 200,000 people being killed—

(Even Hamas isn't claiming that number; why do you want another 150,000 people dead, Kei?)

Guys, I understand the passion on both sides. If we can—

HM: I have passion because I’m connected to it. It’s my family that is on the line. It’s my friends that have been killed. That’s why I’m passionate. I’m not sure—

KP: It doesn’t matter if it’s your family.

(At this point, I think that Kai has made it abundantly clear where he stands--and where his ideology stands--regarding the worth of Jewish lives to them.  I.e. Nothing.

Also being indirectly showing support to Hamas even if is contradictory.)

HM: It doesn’t matter if it’s my family?! Are you insane? No, I’m sorry Steve, I can’t— 

OK, Hen, guys, let’s bring it back — I think we all feel understandably heated, we all have stakes in this, and, again, passion. I appreciate that. Let’s bring it back to some U.S. policy. [Long pause.] So we talked a lot about the Khalil and other incidents but there’s obviously a lot going on on campuses now. We’re seeing the Trump administration take action against Harvard and Columbia in the name of antisemitism, and I want to ask both of you just in terms of this policy now, how should we feel about it? Whether it will do any good? Because I think that’s what we can all hope for is to live more peacefully, I think we can all agree with that. Hen why don’t you start and talk a little bit about what you think of this approach.

HM: I need a minute. So let him go first [goes camera-off].

KP: So again, this policy is reflective of the larger crisis here for the Trump administration, for the military-industrial complex, for Zionism, for Israel, which is that they have lost the argument especially among the younger generation.

(Is that the "Jews control the government" canard again?  Oh yes, yes it is!

Also, having looked over this whole thing again... this is almost word-for-word what he said at the beginning.  This isn't a considered statement, it's a catechism--basically a rote answer delivered without thought.)

The pro-Israel side is trying to put forward this increasingly paranoid conspiracy theory that the reason this is happening is because everyone in the world is an antisemite, that the United Nations is antisemitic, that the ICJ is antisemitic, that The New York Times is antisemitic, that Human Rights Watch is antisemitic, that Amnesty International is antisemitic, that Harvard University is antisemitic, that Columbia is antisemitic, that students are antisemitic.

(Well, of course you're not going to believe it, Kei, but we can give evidence of antisemitism at all of those organizations--often from their own internal documentation.)

But I actually think the reality is that it’s not that everyone is irrationally hateful all of a sudden against Jews.

(Again, who are you to decide what counts as antisemitism, Kei?

"...all of a sudden" as if antisemitism isn't millennia old

Don't you know that antisemitism was invented by the Nazis in 1933 and was ended by the Allies in 1945!  /s)

I think it’s that people are sick and tired of watching babies incinerated in their cribs,

(and I wonder how you saw video of that?  Who took the video, who uploaded it, and who edited it?  Which conflict did it come from? Oh, also, Blood Libel canard)

of watching people’s livelihoods destroyed, of watching entire families, entire bloodlines, wiped out.

(Unless they're Israelis, apparently)

I think people don’t like genocide.

(Genocide Canard counter 7)

And I think people are sick and tired of watching their government send money and weapons and 2,000-pound missiles to be dropped on apartment complexes and journalists.

(again with the "Israel is cruel and bombing just for shits and giggles and wanton cruelty" canard.

They really should learn why it is dangerous being a war reporter in general. Do they really think that a certification is like a force field or similar?

Don't forget that a lot of Hamas militants actively seek out being "independent journalists" in order to use that as a shield.)

Hen talks about journalists. This has actually been the deadliest conflict for journalists ever.

(Because they're all terrorists moonlighting as journalists; that's been shown repeatedly.)

Israel doesn’t want that truth out.

Kei, can I ask you just on that previous score. You mentioned a lot of organizations. I don’t want to get into specific ones but people on the right say that there is something endemic to left-wing organizations that can be antisemitic. Do you think that’s true? Clearly there are people on the right and far-right who have problems with antisemitism, I just wrote about some of them. But is is true on the left, with the pro-Palestine movement? I’ll mention this example because Hen just tweeted about it, that the suspect who tried to burn Josh Shapiro’s house down cited the Free Palestine movement. The argument is there’s a normalization that’s happening that says it’s OK to be antisemitic and can lead people like the suspect which, if he did what was alleged, to do something terrible. Is this a problem in your view in the Free Palestine movement?

KP: So with the Josh Shapiro incident, if you look at the video [the suspect] is clearly mentally ill.

("There is no systemic antisemitism on the Left.  Everyone who is antisemitic is having a mental health crisis.  There is no war in Bah Sing Se."

Also, you can look at a short video of someone and diagnose them with "mental illness". And mental illness leads directly to hate and violence against minorities, even if there's no hate against said minorities in society at large, because mentally ill people develop their hate out of thin air and are not influenced by society at large. And of course, there's the whole "mentally ill people are scary and violent" thing, which is not directly related to Israel / antisemitism, but I still found it worth pointing out. Mentally ill people are much more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators.)

He has never posted about Palestine before. The idea that he’s some Palestinian activist is ridiculous. I think he probably has mental issues. I don’t think he has anything to do with the Palestinian movement.

("No True Palestinian activist would do this!")

So you’re not concerned about normalization of antisemitic rhetoric.

KP: Well again, what Hen is doing is making a false equivalency between anti-Zionism and antisemitism.

("Jews don't get to define antisemitism, only outsiders do.")

There’s growing anti-Israel sentiment in the United States which is true but to say that this has led to attacks on Jews I think is wrong. And a lot of the incidents, if you look at the ADL’s report on antisemitism, a lot of the antisemitic incidents being reported are just people speaking out in support of Palestine or wearing a keffiyeh or saying Free Palestine. That’s not antisemitism.

("Jews call everything antisemitism, and I don't understand micro-aggressions or hostile environments when they're targeting Jews."

They also put the ADL as being blindly Pro-Israel and with Trump government.)

Hen, what would you say to that, to the idea that tying antisemitism to an anti-Zionist movement is a false equivalency.

HM: Yeah. First I’ll quote the person that wanted to burn Josh Shapiro’s family alive. He said “I have said for years, years before October 7, that I favor a two-state solution, Israelis and Palestinians living peacefully side by side, being able to determine their own future and their own destiny,” that’s what he said to reporters just yesterday. To me it sounds like a legitimate call for peace and co-existence. But that made him go and try to burn down a Jewish family and Jewish governor. So there’s a lot of semantics here that are being thrown around. Since October 7 antisemitic incidents in America have reached an all-time high — yes, even statements about Palestine like the one I cited led this person to go and try to burn an entire Jewish family alive. I think there is a problem of antisemitism on both the left and the right and I think the fact that Kei didn’t even know that Macklemore has used Jewface — they would never touch someone who engaged in racism or homophobia but when it comes to antisemitism it’s such an afterthought that you didn’t even know about it, it wasn’t even an issue.

Maybe I’ll speak briefly about what I’m doing with And They’re Jewish. Because what’s striking to me is the contrast between The Encampments and my project, the whole notion that it’s something they’re not even related to — Kei said it doesn’t matter if you’re related to it — but I am related, I am a person invested in it, and the difference between his film and my series is that the film shows Jewish identity through the lens of political rage, through chants, through erasure, through deciding for Jews what is and isn’t antisemitism. It’s very political, and Jews are just a background noise at best or the villains at worst. But And They’re Jewish centers joy, creativity, diversity, humanity. And it reminds people that Jews are not just headlines or symbols in someone else’s protests; we’re real, complicated, vibrant people. And I think the world needs more of that right now. Because this sort of dehumanization that we’re seeing from the encampments and other causes is directly leading to violence against us, and there are reports after reports, study after study, that show how dehumanization of Jews is leading to violence against us, that led to the worst genocide in modern history of six million Jews.

And that’s our fear today — that this dehumanization, this afterthought about Jewish identity and the way we’re being portrayed by this [pro-Palestine] movement, even if it’s just in the guise of “we’re just speaking about Zionism; we’re just speaking about seven million Jews in Israel that we think should be killed, not all Jews,” it doesn’t matter, it harms real Jews, it’s how a 70-year-old Jewish guy was beaten to death in California at a protest, it’s how we ended up with Josh Shapiro’s house being burned, it’s how we end up with so much violence in this country against us, it’s how we end up being gaslighted about the horrific brutality of October 7.

Thanks Hen, I’m glad you talked about the show, and Kei, I’m glad we spoke about the movie. I hope you each continue to watch each other’s work and we all watch work even from people we don’t agree with. We have time for one last question, so I’ll ask each of you this: What’s something you would like to see change on your own side? Something thought about or done differently. Hen let’s start with you.

HM: I’d like to see more voices from the pro-Israel camp speaking up for Palestinian civilians. I think it’s important that we speak about suffering on both sides and that we humanize both Israelis and Palestinians and we make sure we’re focusing on people as human beings and not just as pawns in some dystopian story.

(Kei ignores this)

That we’re seeing real human beings. I hope Israelis and Palestinians will be seen on both sides.

Thank you for that Hen. Kei, same question. Anything you’d like to see done or handled differently on your end of things?

KP: Yeah, I think there are a lot of people in the U.S. that are being legitimately propagandized or lied to about who the Palestinians are and are being told the same narrative that they were told after 9/11, “a lot of Muslims are violent, that they’re hateful people and the Palestinians are our enemy that Lebanese people are our enemy.”

(American-centric glasses for the conflict, and not bothering to examine any deeper.)

But the reality is our enemy is the military industrial complex, it’s the generals, it’s these politicians who sell us on these wars. I would like the Palestine movement to really engage with more debate with these people who are coming forward and supporting Israel because I think a lot of them are being misled about who Arabs and Muslims and Palestinians are.

(Honestly, Kei, if you're an example of the level of good faith debate coming from your movement...)

Thank you for that Kei. A good note to end on from both of you. I think more understanding about who we all are is a good thing. Before we go I just want to give you guys credit. Usually with this conflict people are chanting behind barricades or talking to their followers and not engaging with another side. I know things got heated and there may be some raw feelings. That’s understandable. I hope everyone takes a minute to takes care of themselves. And then feels good about what they did. Not everyone is willing to sit here and have these conversations — hard as they are, important as they are. So thanks to both of you. I hope we can continue talking, and listening.

[erwinsvow]

I think with the combination of all the Abbot fics I've been consuming and your pope x babysitter fic that has possessed my mind body and soul I've been ruminating on what pope would think or do if he was working and babysitter and Lena got into some kind of medical emergency, like an accident or assaulted (not sa) or something silly (traumatic) like that and he gets the call to come to the ER. The rage, the panic, the guilt, the floof. It's been my end of the day "time to world build a silly situation before I go to sleep" daydream.

oh this made me UNWELL. unwell.

his phone goes off while at smurf's—unusual, but not enough to make him panic immediately. you sometimes like to text or call to check in on him throughout the day, ever since you both made the jump from babysitter and dad to... whatever you are right now. he wants to say girlfriend and boyfriend but it sounds so silly in his head. you're more his wife and he's more your husband than anything else.

he knows that because your apartment's lease is ending next month and you have no plans to renew. he's been moving clothes around in baz's to make room for your belongings, and looking at other properties to see if there's somewhere bigger and nice he could get for you and lena.

so when his phone goes off, he thinks its you. when he sees the number flashing from the local hospital, he gets up right away, steps out briefly to take the call and ignoring his family in the other room. and his blood runs cold—hi, is this mister andrew cody? yes, i'm calling from the emergency room, your daughter and wife were hurt in a car accident—

and he has tunnel vision, not listening to smurf and craig yelling after him, getting in his truck and speeding to the hospital as fast as his feet can take him. he parks somewhere he probably shouldn't, brings his gun tucked into his waistband because someone is going to pay for this, and runs straight to the counter where he asks for you and lena. begs, demands, pleads. he needs to make sure you're both okay, expecting the worst, thinking he's ruined yet another good thing, that the only good things in his life are disintegrating with each passing minute.

and you're sitting behind a curtain, getting stitches on your forehead and arm. lena is okay, with a bruise that makes andrew angry the longer he looks at it. he goes in first to hug her, holding on too tightly, he's sure, checking her head for anything they could have missed. and then you—seeing blood on your pretty skin makes him irrationally upset. he's thankful he brought his gun inside.

"this lady," you start, after thanking the doctor and the nurse and lena taking her side by you on the bed. "she was old, i think maybe she didn't see the stop sign. but she feels terrible. i hope she's okay—"

"i don't," andrew interrupts. you gape at him, eyebrows furrowed.

"don't say that! it was an accident. we're fine, that's all that matters-"

"you could have not been fine," he says, the very idea that some demented old lady two seconds away from knocking on death's door could have taken both of you away from him making his vision blurry.

"but we are," you press, taking andrew's hand into yours. even in this state, even with everything going on, you still remember to take care of him. "we're okay, right, lena?" and she smiles up at him.

he doesn't deserve you.

"you got here fast," you say, rubbing your fingers on his knuckles, his racing heart steadying. you were okay. maybe that would have to be enough today. the metal of his gun feels cool against his skin.

he wants to say it. didn't exactly stop at red lights or listen to the speed limit. but nothing comes out, so he just stares. like he wouldn't—like he would linger where he was, take his time coming to see you. like you and lena being hurt in this hospital bed wouldn't mean that his life was over too.

you smile up at him, your other hand firm on lena's. and he smiles back, and for now, that'll have to be enough.

(though, a few days later, the insurance concludes it wasn't your fault. your poor car is totaled, and they'll be paying more than you expected to help get you a new one. and when you ask about the old lady, the one who hit you, if she's okay now, the agent laughs uncomfortably. she's fine, but she won't be driving anytime soon. someone stole her keys and punctured three tires, and well, insurance only covers it if all four are ruined at once.)

[antimony-medusa]

Okay so, Phil has blocked Dadza in his chat. He is responding to people calling him dad by saying that he's not people's dad. That's where we're at. And I have seen people on Twitter and in chat starting to panic about this. "Is papa okay," "Can we still call you Crowfather," "is fic okay", "can we still call mumza mumza", "what about peepaw," "Is art okay", "but you're my online father". It's kind of a mess there. So. Just to ponder this publicly, I want to go over a few things I see people starting to spiral about—

"Is Papa okay": I am inferring a little bit based on my age (I'm Phil's age) and my experience of having people just start mom-assigning me because of my age, and things like how Phil has reacted to people calling him dad, but I would say probably that things like papa and grandza and dad and pai and father might be something to be avoided in his chat/tts. He's blocked the term dadza, because you can block that specific term and not catch people talking about their family, but in terms of calling him other words for father, like, I will be honest here: people you don't know calling you their parent is not a socially neutral act. It's kind of a lot. He was going along with it during the pandemic, because people were desperate and hurting, but we are not in a place of social crisis any more. He doesn't want to be a father figure, he's just a guy. Just call him Phil, or Mr Minecraft, or Mr Za, Mr Kristin'sHusband if you have to have a title. Calling people some form of parent if you don't know them is very familiar and intimate, and if you don't know that person, it can come off as a lot. If it's happening over and over again, it's easy to get sick of it. Now you know.

"Can we still call mumza mumza" Okay so with this, she has a perfectly good name right there, but also she still has Mumza in her bio. People are not donoing her three times a week to ask her to be proud of them or to trauma dump. She's said it's okay. Consider just using her name if you're talking in chat, but you are not going to get timed out for mumza right now.

"We need to tell everyone in the tag," Okay so like sure, tell your friends what words not to use in chat, but Kristin was also in chat yesterday telling people that it's going to take a while for people to get used to this, so don't bully people. Streamers have said multiple times that they don't want their fans to get in fights or discourse or drama or bullying in their name. Just like— okay, now you know, now you can tell your friend what words to not use to avoid being timed out, now you know what not to do at a meet and greet— and then you can live your life. You do not need to police other people— the streamer has mods and blocked terms and can enforce this in his chat.

"Is fic still okay" Like okay. This is one that I am begging people not to ask the streamer personally. Do not make streamer weigh in on family dynamic fics— he doesn't read them, he's not interested, he's never read them. They have never been for the streamer (or for Kristin), they are for other fans who want to read about how cute it would be if SBI was babies and Phil was a good dad. Or how fucked up it would be if Tommy was kidnapped and menaced by Phil. Or how sad it would be if Technoblade was abused by Phil hashtag bad ending. Or how comforting it would be if Reader is abused and gets adopted by Phil and finally has a home and gets a hug. None of that has EVER been for the streamer to look at— he's not gonna like it! He's probably gonna find it weird, because it's people using his persona to do all kinds of things, half of which are literal crimes, often to his adult friends, but this character's got his name on him. There are all kind of fics that are just written because someone's got a fun/cute/sad idea, and nothing bad is intended about the actual streamer, cause the writer was thinking about the fic character that has his name, not the streamer in the north of england, but it's still going to be kind of weird for the streamer to hear about it.

That's why we don't bring up fic or certain types of art in chat ANYWAYS. Phil is not going to want to hear about the character with his name being mind broken so much worse by the ender king isn't it angsty. And that's not because there's anything off-colour about mind breaking his character via the ender king (I rub my hands together anticipatorily), that's because that's for other fans to go spam weeping emojis in the comments about, that's not for the streamer. Streamer is busy playing block game and watching space youtube and reading manga and being married to his lovely wife. He's not reading fic. Don't show him fic. Keep that over here with the people who actually want to read it. Fic is fine, you're just bashing dolls together, but don't show it to the streamer.

So, is fic still okay? It's okay, it's always been okay, just don't show it to streamer. You now know that he doesn't want to see dad stuff. That does not mean that you are doing something wrong if you write dad stuff off in your corner of tumblr, where he is not. Tag your stuff, don't put it in his chat or discord, and show it to people who are going to find it fun, not streamer. Make it so that he never has to think about that. Let him live his life. Don't put dad stuff in his chat or discord or mentions, let him be just a guy playing block game, and you're good.

[forestfirefragments]

ik this is an ask game but I wanna answer some of these anyways

🕯️none, too many amnesia barriers

🗝️ we aren't consistent at all, there's several parts here right now but I don't know anything about them. a few of them speak but a few of them are just there, influencing my actions silently.

🌘 green, purple, and teal. we tend to like cooler colors.

🦋 either sweats/pajama pants with a t shirt (current one is a purple bug themed one with a giant moth and beetle) and slip on shoes or cute shirts with skirts and boots

🍄 like. everything. lately we struggle even playing minecraft bc we literally can't agree on controls, some want to go left and some right and it just doesn't work out

🍉 Ember or Moth, system name is forefirefragments

💿 it isn't just a disorder about alters, it's amnesia and trauma responses. we will forget, a lot. memories get stolen, parts lash out in fear or anger, choices go unmade either due to forgetting or inability to work together. for us, our parts don't work together. they don't give themselves names anymore, or anything to identify themselves by other than the fact that they're different than me (at least me currently, there are others influencing me but I'm mainly 'in charge' for now I guess.) they don't have appearances and some of them don't even have voices, just a passive influence over our choices. some are here to comfort while others are here to bring down. we've had this mean sounding alter, but they aren't mean. whenever we're being harsh on ourselves they call us a dumbass and tell us to stop. but we also have this nice sounding alter, a softer voice. but they aren't nice. they'll subtly insult us until we spiral. they don't have names, or appearances. I don't know anything about them other than what they say. we used to be more organized, but we aren't anymore. parts come, or split. parts leave, or become inactive. im sure there was a term for that but i don't know it. we used to know it, well not me, but past hosts and alters did. this is getting a bit long so I'll end it with what I started with, it isn't just about our alters. it's complex.

bored as shit have an ask game for systems

but it's not info that's mad dangerous to share online

NOT ENDO SAFE I DON'T LIKE U

🕯️what do you primarily use for system organization? what do you like / dislike about it?

🗝️ how consistent are you with logging switches / do you even bother?

🔮 if you have fictives, how do they tend to feel about sourcemates? is there a general agreement or no?

🐇 what's your go-to method for figuring out appearance for parts? picrew, pinterest, drawing them? something else?

🎻 are there any songs you feel show your perception of your CDD?

🎀 how organized would you say your sp / octo / whatever organization you use is?

🌘 is there a colour preference most of you can agree on?

🗡️ how would you describe how you dress? bonus: which two parts have the most opposite styles?

🦋 who in the system has messed up the sleep cycle the worst?

🍓 which part has the best music taste?

🐠 what's one thing you wish you knew when you first found out about your CDD?

🍄 what's one thing that takes way longer than usual due to your CDD?

🌙 what's your "welcome to the system" talk look like? (if you have one)

🌱 how different are your food preferences?

🍉 if you have a collective name / theme, how did you decide on it?

💿 what's one thing you wish people understood about your system? (does not need to be about CDDs in general)

[shieldofiron]

Angry Again

Also on Ao3

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Breakup/Makeup, Happy ending don't worry, TW: Car collision, Hospital Visit

Billy's sure the phone is never going to ring.

After all, he's the one who walked out on Steve. He doesn't know what he's waiting for. Steve obviously deserves so much better. This is for the best. He knows it's the best thing for Steve, and he loves Steve more than anything.

Still, you'd think after six months he would be over watching the phone, but he can't help it. He's attached to it, in a way Heather says is definitely unhealthy.

It's just... he kept thinking if Steve would only call, angry. Show how much he cares about Billy, tell him to come back, or go fuck himself... if Steve just cared, Billy wouldn't be able to stop himself.

The only time he wasn't looking at it is when he's sleeping. So of course...

"Muhullo?" He mumbled into the phone, his four days old stubble brushing hard against the glass.

"Hello Mr. Hargrove, this is Amy at Hawkins General. I'm sorry to wake you. We're calling about a Steven A. Harrington. He's been admitted after a car collision and he appears to be stable.

""What?" Billy blinked. "Is he ok?"

"Can you confirm that you're the emergency contact for Steven Alessandro Harrington?"

"I... guess?" Billy mumbled, sitting up.

"Are you available to come to the hospital? He's stable but unconscious, and we have some questions about his medical history." 

Billy sucked in a breath, shame cratering out his stomach. "He has a history of concussions... two in high school and one from just after, he... is he ok?"

He heard typing in the background. "You should come soon, if possible."

Billy's heart was in his throat as he fumbled out a thank you and jumped out of bed, tossing on some pajama bottoms and a hoodie over his head. He grabs his wallet and then, at the last minute, a book. He might be waiting a while, he's not sure.

The drive passed in a blur, which is probably dangerous, given the circumstances. He wanted a cigarette or two or twenty but then he remembered he promised Steve he quit, and even though they’re not together… it’s still Steve.

He was sweating bullets as he came into the emergency room, but as he expected, he isn't allowed see Steve. He was still not family, and it was still late. He filled out Steve's paperwork and waited. He watched the tv playing reruns of King of Queens. He read, the words blurring together into nothing. He cried, when no one was there to see.

They wouldn't tell him anything, just that Steve is stable. Stable, stable, when Billy felt like a rickety table with the legs kicked out.

He had woken before he realized he was asleep, a hand on his shoulder gently squeezing.

"Mr. Hargrove?"

Billy squinted into the fluorescent light. There's a nurse and...

It was Steve, his hair curling over the edge of a neck brace. He looked a little haggard, but remarkably well, considering. He looked full and sweet and Steve, even if his hair is much longer than Billy'd ever seen it.

Billy looked down at his book. It was a copy Steve had given him for his birthday. A Separate Peace.

"He's free to go home, here's his care instructions," the nurse handed over a packet. "You'll want to monitor his concussion but he can sleep, he's allowed."

It felt like a dream. The nurse walked Steve through the discharge papers. Billy stood, useless except for his car. He didn't dare ask about Steve's right now.

And then they were sealed in the car, something antiseptic and sharp piercing the space like a lance. Steve's hand, his wrist loosely circled by a hospital bracelet, tightened on the door as if holding on for dear life, even though they weren't moving. Billy stuck his dead cell in the console. The only person he wanted to call was here.

"Are you ok?"

"I... yeah..." Steve said.

"Cuz they wouldn't tell me anything, just that you were stable."

He could hear Steve thinking, the gears turning to decide between bitchy and sincere.

Billy held his breath.

"A car hit me in the intersection. We were both fine, but I passed out in the ambulance. Concussion. No sign of swelling or anything." Steve said it dispassionately, and Billy's stomach sank. Bitchy at least meant Steve cared. He didn't sound like he cared at all.

Billy wanted to ask, why am I still your emergency contact? Why does this still hurt so much and when did it stop hurting for you? When will it stop?

"I'll just... take you home. Same place?" Billy forced the same dispassionate tone, sniffing slightly and squinting into the sun.

They'd been like this many times before. Not this exactly but. Steve playing passenger princess. Early morning rides to breakfast. Rides home after a night together.

"Same place." Steve said softly.

There's no music playing. Billy'd been too panicked last night and now he can't imagine anything more embarrassing than turning on top 40 right now.

They're almost in front of Steve's place way too soon. Way too soon, even though the ride was awkward as fuck. It was the last ride Billy would ever have, he was sure of it and he couldn't... didn't... want to let go yet.

Steve realized Billy's crying before Billy does. He urged Billy to pull over on the side of some random street and switched the gears into park.

"I thought.... I thought...." Billy's breath won't come. Nothing will come. No one will call, and if Steve hadn't left him as emergency contact, no one would have called and- "If you had died... if you had died, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve..."

Steve pulled him across the console and this was all wrong, Billy shouldn't be the one being comforted but somehow, he was.

"I was so glad it was you," Steve said, his arms tightening with every word. "I'm glad you came. Fuck, I was so scared."

"It's my fault, Steve..."

"It wasn't your fault, Billy."

"It was. I left you," Billy took a deep breath, trying to haul himself back from the edge. Shame burned around his edges, his father's voice in his head told him that he was acting like a pussy.

"Oh. That. Yeah, that was your fault." Steve's voice sounds more amused than really mad.

"I... I'm so sorry, Steve. I didn't.... I wanted to... I thought you'd be better off without me," Billy whispered brokenly, pulling back.

"I'm..." Steve took a deep breath. "I want to talk about that later. Now I want to go to my apartment with you and rest. Is that ok?"

"Are you gonna be mad later?"

"Yeah, probably."

Billy smiled, a weak warbly thing. "Good."

He follows Steve up the stairs to Steve's little apartment, their hands knit together. They read the instructions and Billy slowly helped Steve into bed.

"I hate being fucking sick." Steve muttered.

"I know you do."

"I hope you know this means we're together again. Boyfriends. The full nine yards."

Billy's breath caught in the back of his throat.

"I know."

"Good. Now get into bed so I stop feeling like... ugh... that weird old Charles Dickens lady who never left her bed."

"Miss Havisham?" Billy smirked, teasing. "I can get you a wedding dress."

Steve huffed, his eyes starting to drift closed. "After I ask you. And after you promise never to pull this 'better for you' bullshit again. Fuckin'... wedding dress."

He had dark circles, and his hair was far too long, shaggy the way he hated it. Billy brushed Steve's cheek.

"I love you."

"I know," Steve's voice was drifting, half sleepy. "This doesn't mean I'm not pissed."

"I know."

[theeartuaist]

Sometimes, I don't know what is worse, a yandere who's so delusional or a yandere who's so self-aware yet engages in obsessive and possessive behaviour nonetheless. Walk with me.

Like the delusional ones are terrifying because they genuinely believe they're doing the right thing. They'll lock you in a room and be like "this is for your own good my love" while you're screaming and they're serving you breakfast in bed with a smile.

They are so deep into the rabbit hole they've convinced themselves the hole doesn't exist. They're the ones who'll leave seventeen voicemails saying "I just want to make sure you're okay" while standing outside your window with a crowbar. They've rewritten reality in their minds like a twisted Choose Your Own Adventure book where every path leads to "happily ever after... or else."

BUT THE SELF-AWARE ONES

They'll deadass be like "I understand that my behavior is possessive, controlling, and violates multiple boundaries" then proceed to install 23 tracking apps on your phone. They know it's wrong. They can recite chapter and verse why their behavior would earn them a restraining order in any sane jurisdiction. But that knowledge doesn't stop them—it amplifies them.

They're out here doing full psychological analysis of their own behavior pattern while simultaneously deepening the pattern. They'll be in therapy describing their yandere tendencies in clinical detail to their therapist, nodding along to the coping mechanisms, and then walking straight out and buying 15 more security cameras for your house.

They're literally like "I know I'm toxic and you deserve better... anyway here's the 200-page dissertation I wrote about why we're soulmates based on the fact that we both like the same flavor of ice cream"

They can ratio you in an argument so hard because they'll use actual psychology textbooks to explain why their obsessive behavior is actually a totally rational response to their deep-seated attachment issues.

Like bro you can cite Jung and Freud all you want but you're still wearing my hoodie that you stole 3 months ago and sniffing it while updating your spreadsheet of my daily routines

The delusional yandere is in a horror movie. The self-aware yandere is in a psychological thriller where THEY'RE the unreliable narrator, the author, AND the reader all at once.

God help you if you try to ghost these bastards. The delusional one will keep calling until the phone lines fray from overuse. The self-aware one? They'll explain, in terms so clinical they could be published in the New England Journal of Stalking, exactly why your attempt to establish boundaries is actually detrimental to what they've determined is your "necessary codependency dynamic."

They're out here weaponizing therapy speak:

• "I need to process my abandonment trauma through this tracking device"

• "My love language is gift giving" buys your entire apartment complex

• "I'm just looking out for your mental health" hacks your DMs to delete messages from potential romantic interests

The self-aware yandere invented gaslighting yourself because they'll literally be like "I am fully cognizant of the fact that I'm gaslighting you right now", even providing footnotes explaining the exact gaslighting techniques they're employing while you be standing there like 🧍‍♀️ what do I even do with this information.

I think what fascinates me the most about self-aware type of yandere is that they exists in a state of perpetual dramatic irony. It's like they are trapped in a play where the audience (themselves) knows exactly what the character (also themselves) is doing, yet the show must go on! Scene by recursive scene.

TL;DR: Delusional yanderes are playing a game where they don't know the rules. Self-aware yanderes are speedrunning social relationships while reading the instruction manual and deliberately ignoring it.

Pick your poison I guess?

[flofaiiry]

why him? ; pope cody x reader

warnings: swearing, probably ooc pope & j

wc: ~580

i am so so sorry if this is extremely ooc for pope or j, i'm basing them off of the two episodes i've watched and a bunch of pope fanfic i've read! i'm imagining this taking place right at the beginning of the show (seeing as that's all ive watched!!)

"i dont want this to come across as like..." josh trails off, searching for the words so as to not offend you, "like, rude or whatever?" he squints, trying not to cringe at how awkward he's being. you smile, "spit it out, kid, i won't be offended."

he takes a beat, slowly nodding before he continues. "why are you..." he glances back to andrew standing inside the house, before turning back to you. "why are you with him?" you raise your eyebrows, "him? you mean andrew?" josh nods, "pope, yeah- andrew i guess."

you cant help but laugh. the sound mostly leaving as forced exhales through your nose. "yeah i guess we're not really alike at all, huh." josh shakes his head, "no, you're definitely not." a small smile coming on his face, now knowing you didn't take his question the wrong way.

you take a sec, honestly thinking about the answer. why were you: college educated, career woman, from a good family, with andrew pope cody of all people. you understood how the question could come up.

you shrug.

"why is anyone with anyone," you smirk. trying to sound philosophical, while also dodging the question. josh just stares at you, not quite getting the sarcasm. you sigh. "to be honest, j? i couldn't tell you why." you admit. "i don't know that there's a reason... i just-," another sigh, collecting your thoughts now.

"i know he's not everyone's cup of tea," you start. "i know he's a lot for some people, i know people don't really get him, i know he can be scary at first..." you're practically rambling now. "i know he's got a staring habit," you tease, earning a laugh from josh, "yeah he definitely does. that shit is unsettling as hell," he admits and you laugh, nodding. "it one hundred percent is but- you'll get used to it i swear."

"really though, j, why is anyone with anyone," you circle back to your earlier point, once filled with sarcasm, now an actual question. "why are you with your girlfriend?" you counter, not trying to deflect, just... curious.

he shrugs. "makes me happy." he says matter-of-factly, "i don't know, she just... gets me." you smile. "exactly."

"is andrew a little... weird? absolutely he is. he's probably the strangest, most complicated person i've ever met but... when i'm with him? when it's just us? god, it's..." you try to find the words to describe how being with andrew makes you feel, but decide to use josh's own.

"he gets me," you say simply, "and i get him."

josh nods slowly, "i guess that's all you need, right? someone that gets you." you smile, "yeah it really is."

"what's all you need?" andrew asks as he emerges from the house, walking over to where you and josh sit on a couch by the pool.

"someone that gets you." you repeat, smiling at your boyfriend while he sits down beside you and drapes his arm across your shoulder. "kid was asking for relationship advice. told him all you need is someone that gets you. the rest will just... fall into place." you fill him in. it's not entirely a lie, but it's enough for andrew not to ask anymore questions.

"uh huh," andrew hums, "got my someone right here." he pulls you into him, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. you smile.

for the first time, in this moment, josh thinks he might be understanding why you two are together.

[gingiesworld]

The Scarlet Storm : Hydra Reborn

Chapter Nine

Wanda Maximoff x Fem GiP Reader

Warnings : Fluff, Angst

18+ MINORS DNI

Yelena woke the next day, sitting up in her bed. Sighing knowing that Y/N was just down the hall in her own room. Yelena headed straight into the bathroom. Doing her morning routine before heading down to the kitchen. Already finding Wanda making breakfast for everyone.

"Wanda, how has Y/N been?" Yelena asked as she grabbed a cup of coffee.

"She is adjusting. I think she is remembering more." Wanda said with a bright smile. "Was Y/N the only one to ever call you Lena?"

"Yeah. No one else would call me that." Yelena told her. Her heart racing at the thought of Y/N remembering. "Do you think?" Before Wanda could answer, Y/N had already entered the kitchen.

"Hey Wanda. Why didn't you wake me?" Y/N asked her as she grabbed a bottle of water. Yelena watched Y/N as she joined Wanda.

"You needed the sleep. You helped me a lot in here yesterday." Wanda told her. Y/N started to get the plates and set the table ready for everyone. Turning to finally see Yelena watching the two.

"Hey." Y/N smiled at her. Yelena couldn't help the tears starting to fall as she recognised the eyes. The eyes that she found so much safety and comfort in as a child.

"Y/N." She whispered as Y/N nodded with a gentle smile. "It's Lena."

"Little widow?" Y/N whispered as Yelena nodded. All of the others were stood watching as Nat looked over the scene with jealousy. Y/N remembered Yelena instead of Nat.

"Yeah." Y/N placed the plates down before pulling Yelena in for a bone crushing hug. Tears running down both of their faces.

"God you've grown so much Lena." Y/N beamed before the two turned to Nat. "Sister hug?" The two opened their arms for her. Nat running instantly into the embrace of her sisters.

"I can't believe this." Yelena whispered as the three pulled away. "We're all back together."

"I remember saying that I would never leave you." Y/N told her sadly. "I'm sorry that I was gone."

"You don't have to apologise. That was Alexei and Melina's doing. They worked for Dreykov when we were children." Yelena pointed out. Y/N pulled away from the two. A look of pain and anger on her face.

"They were the reason I lost you both." Y/N started to snarl. "They were the reason I was tortured and punished practically every damn day. It was all because of them, and god knows what you two went through."

"Y/N." Yelena and Nat tried to calm her down but neither of them working. Y/N was gripping the counter harshly muttering under her breath.

"Y/N." Wanda spoke softly. Gently holding Y/N's arm. Causing Y/N to divert her attention to Wanda. "It's ok. You're all safe here." Wanda whispered as she looked into Y/N's eyes. Y/N took a deep breath before she straightened up. Slowly turning around to see both Nat and Yelena with worry on their faces.

"I uh I need some air." Y/N mumbled before she walked passed everyone, outside the compound. Y/N didn't know how long she was out there for as everyone sat and ate their breakfast.

"I don't remember her ever being like that." Yelena said as Nat agreed.

"She has been through a lot. More than what we have." Nat told her. Although they shouldn't really compare their times with both Hydra and the Red Room. Y/N was tortured for nothing. Punished for even breathing while she was there.

As Y/N started back towards the compound after calming down, she was approached by some agents she thought were SHIELD.

"Y/N Romanoff." One of them asked as turned around to face them.

"Who's asking?" She asked, her accent coming out stronger.

"Hydra wants their property back." Another sneered before they started to attack. Even with the bracelet, they barely standed a chance. Y/N fought as hard as she could. Even as the Avengers were alerted about the fight. Wanda was the first to arrive. Using her powers to knock the one who had injected Y/N with a syringe.

The rest finally arriving as the others agents disappeared. Steve picked up the agent who Wanda had knocked out. Taking him to the cells.

"That felt like a bitch." Y/N muttered as she pulled the syringe from her neck. Looking at the now empty object in her hand before she collapsed.

"Shit." Wanda just caught her before she hit the ground. "Bruce. She needs Bruce." Wanda used her powers to carry Y/N to the med bay. The syringe in Nat's hand.

Y/N was out cold for hours. Wanda, Nat and Yelena remained by her side. Although they had been informed that Y/N was perfectly healthy. But she was injected with an unknown substance.

"Why didn't they fight harder?" Yelena asked as the two shrugged.

"Steve or Maria will get it out of our new prisoner soon enough." Nat said as she stood up. "I need to get out of here. I need to know why they came for Y/N now and why they didn't take her. Why they just ran." Both Wanda and Yelena watched as Nat left the room before Yelena turned to Wanda.

"You like my sister." Yelena stated with a serious expression on her face.

"What?" Wanda asked her. Confused by her statement.

"Y/N. I can see by the way you look at her." Yelena told her as Wanda chuckled. Shaking her head no.

"I don't even know her." Wanda defended as Yelena smiled.

"You don't have to know someone to like them more than you should. Or for them to make you feel something." Yelena stated as Wanda took a deep breath.

"I just lost Vis." Wanda whispered as Yelena shook her head.

"He died 7 years ago now Wanda." Yelena stated. "We have been back for 2 years. You are allowed to feel for someone else. You are allowed to move on."

"I'm just scared to I guess." Wanda whispered shakily. Tears in her eyes. "All I have ever known since I was 10 was pain, loss and suffering. But then Vis was there to pull me out of the darkness. He was the one to keep me from slowly disappearing and now he is gone."

"That doesn't mean that you should remain distant from something that could be amazing. Something that could change your life for the better." Yelena told her. "Take a chance on her. Maybe your whole future happiness lies with my sister."

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Taglist : @natashamaximoff-69 @canvascoloredin @wizardofstories @louxbloom @wandanats-goodgirl @the-ox-fan20 @ladyqueenxoxo @aemilia19 @wandaromamoff69 @mfd-101 @dorabledewdroop @marvelogic @dopeyouth @karsonromanoff @bimad @reginassweetheart @machyishere @gemz5 @pawiie @duckiekong @womenarehotsstuff @thatssomeplaygirlshit-blog (If you want to be added to my taglist, please DM me or comment)

[anniebeckcalla]

white chocolate and raspberries

sweet gestures with bf!nct dream

(bf!nctdream x reader) ◦ ₊ NOT PROOFREAD! ◦ ₊WC! 1.3K ◦ ₊ CW! fluff, fluff, fluffety fluff.

masterlist | cafe | click here!

ღNOTE FROM C. It's time we had some happiness after the gloom of the recent smaus. (I'll get back to them though, they're fun to write!) I hope you enjoy this post, if took me a while to write!

haechan

“Stop wriggling, will you?” You put the eyeliner wand on the bathroom sink, rinsing your hands for the nth time. “There's more liner on my fingers than on your eyes!” Haechan shrugged. “Sorry, baby. I could hardly keep still when you're staring into my eyes like that.” He placed his hands on your waist, drawing you close. “Can't say I'm complaining, though.” Frowning, you cupped his face in your hands, meaning to reprove him. In response, he gazed up at you wordlessly. His eyes sparkled with what could only be awe and reverence; the ghost of a smile lingered on his mouth. “Forget it,” you sighed. “I can't ever stay mad at you.” “I know,” Haechan whispered back, closing his eyes as you leaned in closer to kiss him.

jaemin

You took a deep breath as you bit into the toasted cheese panini, your eyes closing to fully appreciate the sensation. The crisp bread merged perfectly with the creamy cheese; the salted butter sparked little bursts of flavour around your mouth with each chew. It was nothing short of perfection.

‘Click!’

You opened your eyes, lowering your sandwich to see Jaemin across the table. He was holding his camera up, smiling as his finger snapped away. “Not while I'm eating!” you flushed, hand hovering over your mouth. “I look awful!” Jaemin lowered his camera. “Sorry, y/n. You looked so happy just then, I just had to capture it.” He looked down at the tiny camera screen. “You look so beautiful, even while you're eating.” “Stop praising me,” you mumbled. “I mean it, y/n. You look good doing anything.” Jaemin put his camera away, reaching across the table for your hand. “If I didn't control myself, all my albums would be full with pictures of you.”

jeno

The fields and trees passed by in a blur as the train snaked across the lines at full speed. You loved the window seat, and now you were sat in one, you wanted to gaze out of the window and appreciate the scenery. However, the day had tired you out. The darkening sky and warmth of the train made it hard to keep your eyes open. “You're quiet for once,” Jeno remarked, looking up from his phone. “Normally, you'd be telling me to stop scrolling and look out of the window with you.” You didn't have the strength to reply. Instead, you gave a low ‘mm hm’. “Woah, you're really tired,” Jeno said.

There was a short silence.

“Do you, er—do you want to use my shoulder as a pillow?” he spoke up, his face reddening slightly. “I mean, you don't have to—”

You didn't need to be asked twice. You let your head rest on his shoulder, letting sleep overwhelm your mind. Jeno didn't pick his phone back up. Instead, he put his arm around your shoulders, gazing down at you with love and infatuation.

jisung

“Ready to go now, y/n?” Jisung turned around when you heard you on the stairs. A smile lit up his face when your eyes met, and he took your hand as your feet reached the floor. “I haven't done too much with this outfit, have I?” you winced. “I mean, we're only going to a house party.” Jisung shook his head. “Not at all, love. It's perfect.” He raised your wrist to his nose, inhaling your perfume. “What did you use? It smells lovely.” “Oh, just a bit of ‘La vie en rose,’” you replied, your ears burning as shyness overwhelmed you. Jisung pressed his lips to your wrist, eyes closed. “I'm so glad I get to call you mine,” he whispered, tickling your wrist. “Me too,” you whispered back, breathless with delight.

mark

The elevator always took forever to get to your apartment floor. It was annoying most days, but this evening, it marked a peaceful end to the commotion of your day at work. “Thank goodness for that,” you sighed into the stillness of the elevator as it began its descent. “Today aged me by at least 80 years.” Mark was gazing at you in the elevator mirror. “No,” he replied. “You look absolutely beautiful.” He stood behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder. “We both look beautiful,” he whispered. He was right- you were both tired from the long day at work, and it had been a rough journey home, but you two still managed to look beauteous in the elevator mirror. “We complement each other perfectly, don't we?” you said, interlocking his hands with yours. “Too right we do,” Mark replied, pressing his lips on your cheek gently.

renjun

You were so deep in conversation with Renjun that you didn’t notice the bus coming to an stop, nor hear the voice of the person paying for their ticket. It was only when you felt eyes glaring at you from across the aisle that you finally turned your head to see your past in human form- your ex. He held your gaze, clearly enjoying how uncomfortabIe he still made you. “It's him, isn't it?” Renjun's voice was low as he took your hand in his, thumb caressing your knuckles. “Yes,” you whispered back, your breathing unsteady. “It's him.” “He won't hurt you, okay? I'm here,” Renjun said. “Don't even look at him. Just focus on me." You nodded, staring at his jumper. “Maybe we should walk the rest of the way,” you muttered. “Why should we?” Renjun replied. “We have more of a right to be here than he has.” You nodded, squeezing Renjun's hand in gratitude.

chenle

“Are you sure you're alright?” you shouted, fighting to be heard above the gale. You were protected from the rain by a flimsy umbrella that flapped about clumsily, but Chenle was exposed to the elements. He was drenched in rainwater, his shoes and clothes squelching with every step. The only part of him that stood a chance was his hand, that which he was using to hold the umbrella for you. “I'm fine, don't worry. There's only space for one under there,” he shouted back. You couldn't help staring at him in admiration. It was unfortunate about the rain, but he looked rather handsome with the rain running off his hair and face. His act of chivalry- letting you have the umbrella whilst holding it for you- made your heart beat an little faster. “I know this isn't a good time, but I love you,” you said. You almost thought he hadn't heard you, but then he turned to you, smiling. “I love you too,” he replied.

thank you for the comments and reblogs !! (　＾ω＾)

taglist: @cigsaftersuh @jenoleeaesthetic @pl4netx1a @jeonghansshitester @chenlezip @neodreamzenie @markkiatocafe @mejaemin (thank you so much everyone ღ)

[sticktothestars]

𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 , " 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 '𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 . " ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

a/n: *walks in, twiddling my thumbs* so i watched thunderbolts. we're just gonna say that i totally didn't fall in love with bob. AVENGERS FOUND FAMILY FANFICS ARE SO BACK GUYS. FHDSFFJ I'LL MAKE A SEPARATE POST ABOUT WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT THE MOVIE, BUT YEAAH. I LOWKEY AM SUPER EXCITED & I CAN'T WAIT FOR YALL TO READ THIS 'CUZ I'VE BEEN HAVING THIS IDEA STUCK IN MY HEAD & IT WON'T GO AWAY. ANYWAY, IMMA STOP YAPPING NOW. ENJOOOYY!!1 (ALSO. you have the powers/fighting style of deadpool!)

paring: robert/bob reynolds x male!reader

word count: 1k+

warnings: slight spoilers for thunderbolts* if you haven't seen it. takes place post movie. slight cursing. contains a shit ton of angst & hard topics like anxiety attacks, child abuse, gore, & character death are mentioned throughout this oneshot. yeah i lowkey kind of spiraled while writing this lmfaooo.

════════════════════════════════════════════

──★

IF you told the [Y/N] from 3 months ago that you'd be working with the new avengers, you would've laughed HARD in your own face. Seriously. It would've lasted for like 7 minutes before you'd probably go tell you to fuck off or something. But now that you was here - saving people instead of being the one to end people for money - it felt trippy thing to even consider. Especially with the things you've done in your past. Despite your initial hesitation on even teaming up with this unstable group of people, you couldn't help but feel a LOT more happier than how you was before.

Maybe it was just the fact that saving people felt good or that you finally had a purpose in life - but no. It was something completely different. You was finally around people who understood what it felt like to not feel like they didn't deserve anything good or be stuck in an endless loop that just hurted you even more. It felt like a HUGE breathe of fresh air. Or maybe it was because you were around him like 99.99% of the time now after everything.

You met Bob in... troubling circumstances, to say the least. Bucky - a good friend of yours - contacted you while you were in New York in retirement from your mercenary past. You were honestly struggling a little. Working as an unsuspecting barista for some cozy coffee shop was nice & all, but it felt.. meaningless. So with one last second thought, you put your suit on & rode your motorcycle to a new mission. Which ended well overall, but with a lot of memories you wanted to lock away unfortunately.

But since then, the two of you have grown closer - especially since you were living together amongst the others in the Avenger's base. Bob obviously couldn't go on the missions due to not being able to control his powers all that well. You try to help him out the best you can when you're there.

...But sometimes that helping could go sideways.

──★

[Y/N]'s flicked open as he noticed the surroundings around him. Where was he? Just a moment ago he was sparring with Bob in the training room & then..

" Oh fuck.. " you muttered with a sigh as you realized what's happening. Your gaze fixes on a teen version of you - freshly scarred, WAY more defensive - yet afraid. Like there was something out for him. You knew what this was. You knew it all too well.

Back before you became a mercenary, you were a cage fighter in Orlando - trafficked at 7 & escaped at 16. 9 years of horror. Yeah that fucked you up pretty bad. Of course it would. But you had friends. It what kept you sane.

But they took that away too along with your dignity.

One night - when you were 16 - a new match was starting. They didn't tell you who the opponent would be. They never did. To them, it was just another body to throw away for entertainment. Having survived for so long & having so much blood on your hands, you'd think that you'd get used to it by now. But it only just got worse from there.

You stood there, watching yourself as your younger self enter the cage - a look of uneasiness on your younger self's face, tuning out the crowd of people as they cheered for blood. But you? You just wanted to know who else? Who else's blood would you have on your hands? As your opponent stumbles out into the cage with a shove from one of the guards just outside the cage, you saw your heart drop. Just by the horror on your own face.

Your opponent was your best friend, Liam. The Liam who stuck by your side through the last 9 years you've been here. The Liam who managed to make you laugh when things got that dark. The Liam who was your anchor. The Liam who you absolute adored like an older brother. You couldn't do it. You refused to. You couldn't do it if you tried.

" ... No.. No I'm not hurting him. You can't make me kill him. " You refused, backing away & banging on the cage's exit. Liam just watched you. He watched you try to figure out something. Anything to stop this match from happening. Liam knew this would happen soon. He was prepared for this. Hell, maybe he even prepared this moment from the start. You know that now. You wish you knew it sooner.

" [Y/N]. " Liam says gently, his voice calm - causing the younger you's attention to snap towards him, eyes tearing up as you tried to say something. Anything. But only a mournful silence filled between the two of you as the crowd cheered for the two of you to fight. You shook your head, keeping your head down.

" [Y/N], you have to. " Liam says gently, putting a hand on your shoulder as he approached. You just shook your head. " No- No- I-i-i can't- " You stammered out, clenching your fists so tight you felt as though you were bleeding slightly through your bandages.

" They'll kill you if you don't, kid. " Liam states. " I don't fucking care. " You say back, holding yourself close as you look back up at the 20 year old you've grown to be so attached to.

Liam sighs. " Well start caring. You're surviving. Even if it means killing me too. " The brunette says sternly.

" No! I'm not losing you! And I'm not listening to them anymore just to survive! " You call out so everyone can hear. The crowd boos, insults rolling out into the arena like a hurricane. The ringleader scoffs, motioning the guards to ready & aim at you.

Liam clocks this & horror enters his face, shielding you as bullets & sparks fly - the crowd falling silent. The bullets stop. Everything stops as a body slumps onto the ground. But it wasn't yours. It was Liam's. You stare at the hole covered body for what feels like a lifetime. You couldn't breathe. You couldn't even think straight.

Only when a guard grabs you is when you react is when you scream, absolute anguish & horror in your voice as it breaks as you're dragged out of the arena - new plans settled for you that changed your dna & life forever. The present you doesn't look away from Liam's corpse. You felt yourself spiraling within your regrets over the What If's.

What if you had let Liam kill you that day? You didn't deserve to live. Especially with the blood on your hands. The things you did without mercy. But Liam? He was kind. He was good. He deserved way better. He was so good & no one else ever got to see that goodness in him.

You scratched at the collar of your shirt, trying to force yourself to breathe but you couldn't. Everything felt so meaningless. You were meaningless. You were the problem because you couldn't keep your mouth shut.

Fuck. Everything felt so heavy. You collapsed to your knees, squeezing your eyes shut but Liam's lifeless body kept coming in again & again like a broken melody.

๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦

" 'M sorry- M' so sorry- I-i should've known this would happen- I'm so fucking sorry- " A panicked & oh so familiar voice called out, snapping you out of your vision to feel Bob holding you in his arms tight as you sobbed. You hold onto his warmth, clenching his shirt. The two of you stay there for a while. Which seemed like forever. But neither one of you complained.

You sniffle slightly, letting your head nuzzle into the crook of the other's neck. And Bob just held you tighter. He couldn't let you go through this again. He couldn't bear seeing you hurt because of him.

You were probably one of the coolest people on the team, but seeing you fall apart like this felt gut wrenching. He mutters out more apologies, his chin resting on your head.

He's made everything worse again.

And to you of all people.

The man he absolutely adores.

──★

lowkey locked tf in on this one idk. hope yall enjoyed tho lowkey !! lemme know if yall want a part two or smthin cuz i'm down. SEND ME MORE REQUESTS PUHLEASEE.

anyways, that's it for now !! BUH BYEEE ^^

── DAMIEN ★

[mediocre-writing]

Don't run away from me | Ellie Williams

` synopsis: Y/n is having a breakdown because she's attracted to a girl, Ellie is having a breakdown because she met probably the most beautiful girl in the world.

pairing: Ellie Williams X Fem!Reader | Modern Au!

Warnings: Drinking, Y/n having a lot of trouble accepting her sexuality, Y/n and Ellie are falling in love, Dina and Jesse are the biggest supporters of the couple

—

Notes: I never watched Star Wars sooo lol English is not my first language, please forgive any mistakes, I will review it again as soon as I get home.

prologue | next | masterlist serie

Ellie looked around with a glass of soda in her hand, a bunch of people she had no idea who they were, in fact she wasn't sure if Jesse himself knew who all these people were, but well, it's his birthday, isn't it?

"She's not here yet." Jesse says taking Ellie by surprise.

"Damn Jesse, you scared me." The redheaded girl says with a sigh.

"Yeah, you were too distracted thinking about your girl."

Ellie scoffs "I wish it was mine" She thinks.

"What's that in your glass?" He says with a frown.

Ellie Williams is not drinking alcohol at a party?

"Oh I just... I wish I was sober."

"For who exactly?" Jesse asks with a smirk.

"Jesse... Fuck you." Ellie responds, taking another sip.

"Yes, as soon as Dina arrives."

"You disgusting pig." While rolling her eyes, Ellie looks at the door and holy shit!

Y/n walks in with Dina right behind her and damn, Y/n had a smile on her face that definitely turned Ellie's legs to jelly.

Dina looks around and sees Jesse and Ellie, pulling Y/n's hand towards the duo.

"Hi Ellie! Happy birthday Jesse!" Dina says pulling Jesse into a tight hug.

"Hi." Ellie says to Y/n who is behind Dina, looking a little uncomfortable.

"Hi," she replies, smiling a little shyly.

Ellie takes a quick look at Y/n and holy shit, she was so fucking gorgeous.

The couple lets go and Y/n hugs Jesse too.

"Happy birthday loser, sorry I'm late, Dina couldn't remember what your favorite color of lingerie was." She says this laughing, making Jesse freeze, Dina blush and Ellie smile.

"My God, I hate you." Dina says, punching her friend in the arm.

"There," she says, running her hand over her arm and then her eyes meet Ellie's.

"Those beautiful green eyes, just above those rosy cheeks full of beautiful freckles"

"You already met the other day, right? Great, that way I don't need to introduce anyone." Jesse says, pointing between the girls.

"While we're on the subject, do you know all these people from yesterday Jesse?" Y/n asks and Ellie smiles wider.

"I was just about to ask him that!" Ellie says raising her hand and giving Y/n a high five.

Jesse and Dina look at each other suspiciously.

"Dina... I wanted to tell you something, can we talk?" Jesse asks a little shyly, and Dina's smile widens.

"Of course!" Dina says taking Jesse's hand and the two walk away hand in hand leaving Ellie and Y/n alone.

"Is he finally going to ask her out now?" Ellie says moving and standing next to Y/n.

"I hope so, it's getting painful to watch." The two laugh and Y/n watches Ellie's smiling face.

What a beautiful face she had.

"Want to go outside?" Y/n asks and Ellie smiles in agreement.

Geez, where did that come from? Why did you ask to go outside with her Y/n? Because-

"I still can't believe Jesse's parents lent their house for his party." Y/n's thoughts are interrupted by Ellie's beautiful voice as soon as the two arrived in the huge backyard.

"Unbelievable, isn't it?" Y/n says laughing and the two walk side by side, until they reach a bench near some flowers.

"This isn't even close to the apartment we both shared."

"Ah, you're his roommate." Y/n says remembering the conversation she had with Dina a few weeks ago.

"I don't know why he has to share a room with a girl!" Dina says angrily with a pillow over her face.

"Yes, unfortunately." Ellie says rolling her eyes, making Y/n smile.

"Dina went crazy when she found out he was sharing a room with a girl."

"Ah, you can tell her to stay calm, I like the same thing as him." Ellie says analyzing Y/n's reaction.

So yes, she definitely noticed the little smile the girl gave.

"I'll tell her that for sure." The two smile at each other, and then look at each other for a while.

Y/n had never felt this before, this need to be so close to someone, feeling their warmth, their smell, hearing their voice.

"Y/NY/N, LOOK AT THIS!" They turn their heads to the garden entrance door, and see a Dina smiling from ear to ear with her hand raised, probably Valentine's ring.

She comes running towards the two with a somewhat shy Jesse behind her, and throws herself into Y/n's lap, celebrating and hugging her friend.

"Finally huh Jesse." Ellie says smiling and punching Jesse's arm as he approaches.

The four of them settle down in the garden to talk, Y//n and Ellie sitting on the bench shoulder to shoulder with each other, while Jesse and Dina sit on the ground side by side.

"You know, I could have had a party with just the four of us." Jesse says, seeing some people he certainly didn't know walking past him.

"I told you to only do it with your closest friends, but you're stupid and don't listen." Ellie says trying to kick him.

"Well, in that case you wouldn't be here Ellie."

"Fuck you Jesse!"

"You go Williams!"

Y/n and Dina look at each other laughing, and Dina analyzes the two better, Y/n and Ellie have their knees and shoulders glued together, it may seem like a simple thing, but Dina knew how Y/n didn't feel very comfortable with physical contact.

She analyzes her friend's expression, who is smiling in a light and natural way, she is certainly not bothered by Ellie's touch.

"Look who's here!" The voice catches the attention of the four, and Y/n feels like running away.

"Hi John," she says in a low voice, but doesn't move a muscle.

"Hi? I was worried, you didn't answer my messages anymore." He says smiling and Ellie looks him up and down.

"Oh yeah, I've been kind of busy lately." She says, fixing her hair and looking down at her feet.

"Really? Well, it was nice meeting you again, you can call me if... you're still interested or something." He says, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Yes, I'll call." Y/n gives him a smile and he leaves awkwardly with his head down.

"I think he was really into you Y/n." Jesse says taking another sip from his bottle of beer.

"No, it wouldn't work." Y/n says immediately, and Dina smiles in amusement.

"Do you want to tell Jesse why it wouldn't work Y/n?" Dina asks with a teasing smile and Jesse looks at his girlfriend in confusion.

"Dina..." Y/n says sighing.

"No no, come on Y/n they need to know."

Y/n sighs and Ellie watches the scene in silence, she was really curious now.

"Hedoesn'tlikestarwars."

"What?" Jesse asks, coming closer.

"He doesn't like Star Wars!" As soon as she says this, an incredulous silence falls between them.

Of course it would be broken by Jesse's idiotic laugh.

"Holy shit!" Jesse says between laughs and Ellie smiles softly.

"Well, I like Star Wars." Ellie says quietly, the intention was for only Y/n to hear, but Dina's eyes widen when she hears that.

"Do you like it?" Y/n asks, feeling her cheeks heat up.

"I must be sick, yes that's the explanation." Y/n thinks

"Yeah, it's on again, maybe we can go see it next week if you want." Ellie says, fixing a few strands of hair that were sticking out of her bun.

"I would like to do this for her- NO Y/N! Don't even think about it, and don't even think about agreeing to go out with a GIRL, ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"Ah thanks for the invite Ellie but-"

"THAT'S A GREAT IDEA ELLIE, the four of us can go out, it would be so much fun." Dina says interrupting her friend before she can ruin everything

"The four of us? Like a double date?" Jesse says this and Dina pinches his leg discreetly. "Ouch Dina, that hurt!"

"No Jesse, it's not a date, we're just going... Four friends going out, right girls?" Ellie is a little confused but smiles softly.

"I guess so? You want to go, right Y/n?" Ellie asks softly, looking into Y/n's eyes.

"Yeah, I think I'd like that." She says, looking away from Ellie's face.

"Great, we can even make a group on social media." Dina plans excitedly.

Y/n looks at her feet, half-thoughtful, these feelings were messing with her head.

"Is everything okay?" She hears Ellie's soft voice very close to her ear.

"Yes, everything is fine"

No, nothing was right.

Taglist (Request in the comments)

@wrappedinvines

I COULDN'T FIND THE OTHER BLOGS! 😭😭😭

[zvahlne]

hello everyone welcome to uh. welcome to my mixtape.

i posted about sharing/analyzing songs i associate with aphmau characters, and i'm starting off with one of my absolute all-time favorite songs for laurance:)

foreigner's god by hozier!! here is links if you wanna listen while you read: youtube / spotify

and now... i will tell you why... walk with me.... (this is going to be a long walk) (i have a lot to say about this one) (also i haven't gotten to season 2 in my rewatch yet but this is heavily based on how i feel about season 2. so i could be remembering some things wrong and i apologize for that...)

garroth sorry for borrowing you for my laurmau posting but i had to use this gif we're going on a walk please have mercy it's a really good gif

first just to get it out of the way

Screaming the name of a foreigner's god The purest expression of grief

she is irene [surprise pikachu]... i don't know what else to say about this. it is about the horror of falling in love with the divine (especially when you end up on the opposite end of divine through circumstance, for the divine) in our analysis today.

She moved with shameless wonder The perfect creature rarely seen Since some liar broke the thunder When the land was godless and free

"she moved with shameless wonder; the perfect creature rarely seen" he's thinking about aphmauuu... aphmau.... i love this for her. the "shameless wonder" reminds me a lot of early aphmau being absolutely goofy sometimes because jess was still playing it as minecraft ykwim? running around to attack random scorpions and having conversations with her dogs, getting excited over props in the villages she visited... yknow... shameless wonder. the shameless wonder of a gamer......

the second part just very much reminds me of the vibe of early minecraft diaries to me, it's a little hard for me to describe that. "when the land was godless" to me is like. you know aphmau/irene shenanigans. this song in my laurance playlist is a lot about the aphmau/irene shenanigans. i really wish i could explain this one better because it makes me FEEL THINGS but it's like. a vibe thing

Her eyes look sharp and steady Into the empty parts of me But still my heart is heavy With the hate of some other man's beliefs

her eyes.......

sorry what were we talking about

no but seriously i love this part for the specificity of "her eyes", because this is one of my favorite moments (this is from s2 ep 19 "her eyes" for those who aren't as laurmau-rotted as i am). "her eyes look sharp and steady into the empty parts of me" is so. it makes me so. when he comes back from the nether he's changed and he continues to change but she never looks away and that keeps him here. she doesn't turn away from him. she still sees him. but he's still empty. "but still my heart is heavy with the hate of some other man's beliefs" he's still a shadow knight, and he is still losing himself... "some other man" is the shadow lord/shad in this reading

Wondering who I copy Mustering some tender charm

^^^ laurance trying to be Normal all the while he is slowly losing himself... the experience of dying and coming back Wrong..... "wondering who i copy" being him thinking about who he was before he died in the nether. you don't come back from that the same guy unfortunately. you come back Wrong. no matter how hard you try to ignore it

my favorite part now !!!!

She feels no control of her body She feels no safety in my arms I've no language left to say it But all I do is quake to her Breaking if I try convey it The broken love I make to her

she feels no control of her body - both about the circumstances of the werewolf wedding specifically (because i am always there), but also about aphmau/irene stuff again to me

she feels no safety in my arms - laurance wants nothing more than to be aphmau's protector, to keep her safe, to make her feel safe, but how can he like this? how could she feel safe with a monster? is she safe around him? he wants that, he promises that, but is it true? laurance can't imagine she felt very safe around him at the wedding... or when he lost control of himself in scaleswind..... she feels no safety in his arms :(

i've no language left to say it, but all i do is quake to her - he used to bombard her with over-the-top flirtations, but now that he's really fallen for her, he stammers over his words. the weight of it is heavier. he loves her but suddenly that's too much to say. and --

breaking if i try convey it; the broken love i make to her - in his current state, his expression of this love is often twisted and aggressive (see: the werewolf wedding). but it's all he can give her, it's all he has left. their first kiss shouldn't have been what it was. she deserves better than that.

aand.. umm... yeah!! thanks for coming on this walk with me:) not all my lyricposting will be this long, this is just one i had a LOT to say about it and i wanted to put a little extra effort into the first lyricpost... hope you enjoyed !!

[dimensionslip]

Dedue: I... will always be by your side... Dimitri, my liege... my one and only...

Or, a translation breakdown of this very powerful Dimidue exchange before Dedue turns into a demonic beast in Crimson Flower Chapter 17.

[EN Localization] Dedue: It is time. Your Majesty… I will avenge your father. You are the one true king…Dimitri. Grr… Grrrr! Dimitri: Dedue! I will fight by your side until the bitter end… As long as I am with you, this lance of mine will know nothing of defeat!

[JP to EN Translation] Dedue: It's time, huh. Your Majesty… You must accomplish your goals. To avenge my brethren… and the late king…! I… will always be by your side… Dimitri, my liege… my one and only… Ghh… Gghh… Guaaaaaaargh! Dimitri: …Dedue. Ahh… until the end, I will fight by your side. As long as we're together… this lance of mine will know nothing of defeat!

(The following is a copy-paste of my text from this Twitter thread. I will clean this up some more on a later date. Also thank you Mareza for bringing these lines to my attention years ago!)

While I can see how the localization arrived at certain lines, I scratch my head at why some portions were omitted to the point that it changed the vibe and meaning of the scene. To start off, the lines come off as more emotional and personal in Japanese, I feel. On both Dedue and Dimitri's ends, and is about twice as long when spoken in terms of duration thanks to it.

Dedue does not really say anything about personally avenging Dimitri's father, and actually mentions two separate things in this regard. "My brethren" (我が同胞) and "the late king" (先王陛下). Those should not be combined and should be counted as separate things here.

「我が」 (waga) can be translated as either "my" or "our", but in this context it's "my". Also, 「ください」 "kudasai" was not accounted for properly in the localization, since it's used to ask for something. Not something you use when referring to something you're about to do.

A small side note, 「我が同胞の……先王陛下の、仇を……！」 is more literally "For my brethren… for the late king, the enemy must…!" but it comes off a little clunky and not as clear, so I went for something a little less literal. There's an definitely an implied "avenge" in that text, which the localization did get. But mentions of Dedue wanting revenge for his brethren were not mentioned at all in the English localization.

Nonetheless, Dedue's last words are what absolutely carry the emotional weight of this conversation. He reassures Dimitri once last time, and then calls him "Dimitri-sama". Which I would like to draw attention to.

It was difficult translating this one. Dedue doesn't really call Dimitri anything else other than "Your Highness" or "Your Majesty" depending on the route/time we're talking about. He does call Dimitri by his name in their A support, but other than that I'm not sure where else. But 「ディミトリ様」 here is highly unusual, and I think they wanted to call attention to it. For Dedue, I think it's more personal than anything he's ever called Dimitri--in this route at least. Especially in conjunction with what he says right after that.

I think "Dimitri, my liege" is probably the best way to handle it given context. Normally I would translate "Dimitri-sama" as "Master Dimitri" or "Lord Dimitri", but that just does not feel right, and simply leaving it as "Dimitri" turns it into something else entirely.

But yeah, to further drive this very emotionally charged scene, Dimitri says all those things a few lines later. The most notable difference here is the way the last line was phrased.

Dimitri says "As long as we're together" in Japanese, which I think comes off differently compared to "As long as I am with you". The word choice puts a lot more focus on Dedue being there rather than Dimitri's presence, and I think that adds to the emotion of the scene. Not to mention, all these dramatic pauses. I was talking about this with @pluma_azurea (who helped with smoothing out some of the lines!) and we both agreed that it's the pauses here that really add to the experience.

In general though, I think the English localization handled Dimitri's lines well. And the same emotion comes off in both English and Japanese, I feel. But there's a notable difference in the way Dedue's lines are tackled, and I hope this post cleared some things up!

Ahh still… this is such an amazing set of lines. Emotionally charged and hurts in the best ways possible. It's also a lovely look into the circumstances surrouding Dedue's loyalty towards Dimitri. The intensity of it. Dimitri's sorrowful trust in him. It's also a neat nod to Dedue's hangups regarding the Tragedy of Duscur, among many other things.